Monday Night Raw – December 3, 2007: Just Keep It Going

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 3, 2007
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are less than two weeks away from Armageddon and the Raw main event seems to be Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton for the Raw World Title. Other than that, we have HHH vs. Jeff Hardy and odds are that is going to get the majority of the attention this week. I’m not sure what that is going to entail but let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Here is Chris Jericho to get things going. Jericho is back and wants a title match, which is why he cost Randy Orton a match against Ric Flair last week. Then after last week, Jericho felt a tingle in his pants because of this. We see a clip of Orton agreeing to the title match after Raw last week and Jericho is rather happy.

Cue Orton, who lists off all of his recent victims but Jericho says that just like beating Rock and Austin in one night, that means nothing right now. Violence is teased but here is William Regal to say the two of them can pick the other’s opponents tonight. Orton picks Umaga to face Jericho while Jericho makes Orton vs. Shawn Michaels.

Maria/Mickie James vs. Melina/Beth Phoenix

Maria takes Melina down for an early two but Melina is back up with some shots to the face. Beth comes in to power her into the corner but stops to bring in Mickie. They slugout is on until Beth pulls her off of the top for the crash. With Maria knocked down, it’s a fisherman’s buster to finish Mickie, making me wonder what the point was to this one.

Shawn Michaels says tonight, the WWE Title isn’t on the line, but Sweet Chin Music is all legal. Mr. Kennedy pops up on a monitor to tell Shawn to be ready for their match at Armageddon. He promises a blast from the past that could break Shawn’s heart.

Here is Mr. Kennedy for a chat. He wants to get to know Shawn a bit more so he has invited some of Shawn’s friends and rivals. We’ll start with someone Shawn won’t share the spotlight with: Marty Jannetty (that’s not Marty Jannetty), Razor Ramon (that’s not Razor Ramon, though he does get in a Hey Yo) and Diesel (that’s not Diesel). We need the man himself though, but that’s not Shawn Michaels. They get to describe Shawn, including words like egotistical, chump and traitor. Kennedy threatens the fake Shawn but gets cut off by the real thing. House is cleaned with Kennedy leaving for the staredown from the floor.

Next week: Raw’s 15th Anniversary.

Vince McMahon, with Coach, is on the phone in his office and announces that Hulk Hogan will be here next week. Other names include Trish Stratus, Mick Foley, Eric Bischoff (Vince: “ERIC BISCHOFF???) and Hulk Hogan but here is Hornswoggle to interrupt. Vince has him sit down because he has something special for next week: the official McMahon Family Portrait. As for tonight, Vince isn’t happy with Hornswoggle surviving his tough love attempts, but since Finlay isn’t here tonight, we’ll see how the Luck of the Irish does against Coach/Carlito. The bosses leave and Hornswoggle pulls out a phone.

We look back at HHH and Jeff Hardy working together last week before being told they will be facing off at Armageddon.

William Regal comes in to see HHH and talks about the logic behind the match with Hardy. Speaking of that match, we’ll sweeten the pot a bit by making it for the WWE Title shot at the Royal Rumble. Since that title means so much to HHH, maybe he’ll use that anger on Hardy. HHH says he doesn’t hate Hardy, but he would Pedigree his mother, grandmother or father in law to be WWE Champion again.

Umaga vs. Chris Jericho

We actually join this in progress with Jericho in control on the floor and taking him back inside for some elbows to the head. Umaga sends him outside though and it’s a splash for two back inside. The nerve hold goes on for a bit, followed by a superkick to send Jericho into the corner. The running hip attack misses though and Jericho manages a knockdown of his own. Jericho’s running dropkick into the Lionsault gets two and the Codebreaker (now named) connects but Randy Orton runs in to jump Jericho for the DQ.

Rating: C+. These two can work well together but my goodness Umaga has fallen a long way. There is only so much you can do with a monster who keeps losing over and over. He didn’t even take a pin here, but rather than being something that mattered, he was just there to make Jericho look good. It happens to most monsters though, and that is the case again here.

Post match Orton lays Jericho out with the RKO.

Hornswoggle vs. Carlito/Jonathan Coachman

No DQ and hold on though as Hornswoggle has hired protection for this match. Cue the APA to wreck Carlito and Coach, setting up the Tadpole splash to finish Coach fast.

Post match Bradshaw says they’re open for hire and plugs Smackdown, with Simmons adding the catchphrase.

Snitsky wants the Intercontinental Title and to hurt Jeff Hardy in the process.

Intercontinental Title: Snitsky vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy is defending. Snitsky knocks him down fast and drops an elbow before choking away in the corner. We hit a double underhook crank to keep Hardy down but he avoids the running legdrop. A quick Twist of Fate into the Swanton retains the title.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but were you expecting anything else from Snitsky getting a title shot? That is the kind of thing you see happen when someone no shows a house show. Hardy getting a win is a good thing as his rise up the card continues, and you know that he is coming for the main event scene a lot sooner rather than later.

Post match Snitsky kicks him in the face but HHH comes in with the sledgehammer for the save. HHH teases hitting Hardy but helps him up instead.

Smackdown Rebound.

Armageddon rundown.

Jillian Hall comes in to sing for Vince McMahon, who isn’t impressed. William Regal comes in to tell him that Stephanie McMahon is on her way.

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Non-title. The chase is on to start with Shawn catching him in inside and starting the stomping. The headlock slows Orton down but he’s back up with an elbow to the face. Back up and Michaels grabs an ankle lock of all things to put Orton in trouble. Orton rolls out to the floor for a breather and we take a break.

Back with Shawn clotheslining him out to the floor but missing a superkick, which hits the timekeeper by mistake (Shawn has a bad record with that). Back in and Orton stomps away and we hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors. Shawn fights up and hits a slam into the top rope elbow but has to dive onto an invading Kennedy. They fight into the crowd and Shawn is counted out (because a DQ isn’t an option for some reason).

Rating: C+. This is another match that is going to work almost no matter what because they have some good chemistry together. They weren’t going to have either of them take a fall here as they both have big matches coming up at Armageddon, so this was a matter of waiting on either Kennedy or Chris Jericho interfering. Granted it was a nice match on the way there, but it was waiting.

Post match Kennedy and Shawn brawl into the crowd as Chris Jericho runs in to jump Orton.

Stephanie McMahon comes in to see her dad and points out that he has invited a bunch of people who hate him for next week. She doesn’t want to see him get beaten up again so please don’t put yourself in that place. Vince: “I LOVE CONFRONTATION!” He also promises to name the greatest Raw star of all time.

Overall Rating: C+. They are making me more interested in the pay per view than just about anything else they have done on Raw in the last little while so something is going right. I’m not sure how long that is going to last but at least we are getting some nice television on the way there. Just find a way to keep it going and WWE could be going somewhere.

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Monday Night Raw – November 19, 2007: He Saved Us

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 19, 2007
Location: Bank Atlantic Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Survivor Series and the big Raw story is that Randy Orton retained the Raw World Title over Shawn Michaels. That means Orton is going to need a new challenger and as luck would have it, the SAVE US deal is going to be revealed tonight. That could mean….ok even the fans are already chanting the name so this isn’t much of a surprise. Let’s get to it.

Here is Survivor Series if you need a recap.

A running man is carrying a torch through the streets.

Opening sequence.

Here is Shawn Michaels for a chat. There is no reason to wait on it, so Shawn invites Randy Orton out here to shake his hand. Orton pops up on screen to say he isn’t coming out there and getting superkicked again. Shawn: “All right, all right, you got me. If you came out here, I was going to kick you again.” Shawn also wants a rematch, but Orton says no because he has already proven that he is the better man. That is why the torch bearer is on his way from Miami to Fort Lauderdale, as we are going to be seeing the torch passed.

Cue Mr. Kennedy to charge the ring and go after Shawn so the fight is on. Shawn wants a match but Kennedy says Shawn is best known for losing over and over in big matches. Or just losing his smile. Cue William Regal to say ring the bell and here’s a referee as we take a break. Back with the bell not ringing and the fight continuing on the floor. They fight into the crowd with Kennedy getting the better of things. Kennedy grabs the chair but it gets superkicked into his face to wrap things up. Just a brawl and not a match.

Jerry Lawler vs. Santino Marella

Hold on, as Marella wants the referee to watch Lawler’s punches. Instead, Lawler hits a dropkick and Marella isn’t sure what to do. Santino is right back with a whip into the corner but Lawler reverses and hammers away at the ribs. A missed charge puts Lawler in trouble again though and Marella heads outside to put on Lawler’s crown. Marella promises to beat Lawler like a government dog and makes jokes about puppies. The jokes finally go on too long and Lawler hits him in the face, setting up a hiptoss. A backslide of all things gives Lawler the pin.

Rating: C-. Yeah what were you expecting here? Lawler is the definition of a feel good match that has almost no impact on anything, but he can still make his stuff look passable enough. Marella is someone who can get back to whatever he needs to be doing with a few words so Lawler pinning him is hardly some career death. Let the fans have a bit of a smile and no one gets hurt.

Post match Randy Orton runs in and takes Lawler out with an RKO. Orton has an update on his torch runner, who is now at the arena where he beat Shawn Michaels at last night. Orton: “It feels like yesterday. Wait a minute. It was yesterday.”

Mr. Kennedy says he was out there to show Shawn Michaels some respect but he got superkicked for his efforts. Kennedy looks rather disturbed by the whole thing but thinks it is because Shawn knows his career is evaporating. Shawn sees talent in Kennedy that he wished he himself had so now he is trying to hold Kennedy down. That won’t happen though because Father Time is going to catch up with him. Next time, Shawn doesn’t have to worry about Father Time, because he has to worry about Mr. Kennedy.

We recap Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle, with Finlay coming in for the save.

Vince McMahon asks William Regal and Coach about how great Survivor Series was. They talk about how scared Hornswoggle was but the mention of Finlay doesn’t sit well with Vince. Cue Carlito, who liked the tough love Vince showed Hornswoggle last night. Vince gives Carlito Hornswoggle tonight. That sounds cool.

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Non-title. Hardy slugs away to start to limited success, as Umaga headbutts him out of the corner. A pair of dropkicks work a bit better for Hardy but Umaga shoulders him out of the air without much effort. The nerve hold goes on…and it stays on….and on, until Hardy gets taken into the corner. A missed charge lets Jeff have a breather but Umaga shoves him off the top and into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with the nerve hold on again, followed by another nerve hold as this continues to be lame. Some chest kicks and a spinwheel kick give Umaga two and the spinning release Rock Bottom gets the same. The fourth nerve hold sets up the missed middle rope headbutt and the missed running hip attack in the corner gives Jeff a breather. There’s the Whisper in the Wind for two but the Swanton misses for a crash. The Samoan Spike is countered into a Twist of Fate to send Umaga outside, setting up the big dive. Cue Snitsky of all people to jump Hardy for the DQ.

Rating: D+. It was a long match, but come on already with that many nerve holds. Crank on the arm, pull on the leg or just hit Jeff for a bit but find out something other than the same hold four times in a match. Then after all that, we get something for the sake of Snitsky being in there again. How happy I am to see this schnook get reheated. Again. For the 14th or so time.

Post match the double beatdown is on until HHH makes the save and clears the ring.

SAVE US! Tonight.

Jeff Hardy thanks HHH, who calls himself the Good Samaritan of WWE. He’s always there to help someone in need and of course no one buys this. In reality, he doesn’t like Umaga and Snitsky trying to be the bada**** of WWE. He and Jeff Hardy have nothing in common, much like himself and Tod Grisham, who seems to like transvestites. JR: “That’ll be on WWE.com.”

Cody Rhodes vs. Hardcore Holly

Rhodes takes Holly into the corner to start and gets chopped for his efforts. Some slams have Rhodes in trouble and it’s time to kick away at him on the ropes. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Cody fights up with right hands and a Russian legsweep. The Alabama Slam is loaded up but Cody reverses into a DDT for the pin.

Post match Randy Orton comes out for an RKO to both of them. We get another update on the torch runner: now he’s in Fort Lauderdale!

JR reluctantly introduces us to a Randy Orton tribute video, at least on his last few months.

Finlay comes in to see Vince McMahon and seems a bit serious. Threats seem to be made about Hornswoggle’s safety but Vince doesn’t like surprises. Vince says he’s just as Irish as Finlay but won’t say where he was born. They’ll go have a drink after the show, with Finlay saying someone Vince’s age needs hot milk. Finlay is joking, but Vince doesn’t seem pleased.

Ric Flair is back next week. Yay.

Mickie James/Maria vs. Jillian Hall/Melina

Before the match, Jillian mocks a singer who did a duet with Lilian Garcia, even though no one likes that “Mexican talk.” Then Jillian sings what she seems to think is Spanish and it doesn’t go well. Maria flips out of a wristlock to start and hits Melina with a Bronco Buster. Melina knocks her down and hands it off to Jillian for a 450. That’s fine with Maria, who pulls Melina into the way instead. It’s off to Mickie for a neckbreaker and the Long Kiss Goodnight for the fast pin.

Carlito vs. Hornswoggle

No DQ. Carlito is nice enough to drop to his knees before the test of strength but does shove Hornswoggle down. The chase is on outside, with Hornswoggle stealing JR’s cowboy hat and handing it off to Lilian Garcia. Carlito chases him under the ring but Hornswoggle comes out the other side with a bucket of water. That earns Hornswoggle a shot to the face but here is Finlay to take Carlito out. Hornswoggle is dropped onto Carlito for the pin.

Rating: D+. Yeah you can only get so much out of something like this as they didn’t have time and it wasn’t supposed to be anything serious. Finlay getting a face turn out of Hornswoggle is already more interesting than most of what we saw with Vince and Hornswoggle so I’ll take what I can get. Now just get somewhere with it and it could be worthwhile.

Post match Hornswoggle spits apple on Carlito.

The torch runner arrives.

Here is Randy Orton for his big moment. Orton talks about how there is no one left to face him because he has beaten everyone there is to beat. Now it is time for the torch to be passed to him and here is the torch runner in the arena. Said runner is clotheslined down by someone who appears to be a short haired Chris Jericho doing a Chris Jericho pose.

The SAVE US video plays, and yes, it is in fact Chris Jericho. He confirms that he is back and is happy the people remembered him. Jericho invites us to tilt the seats back and go into overdrive because it is time for pure entertainment. Orton brings up taking Jericho out and wants to know what he is saving us from. Jericho: “Your boring personality for one.” Jericho gets to the point: he is coming for the title and nothing will ever be the same a-gain. Orton isn’t happy to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show is built around the Jericho/Orton stuff and Jericho is a good way to go for the next challenger. Other than that though, this wasn’t the best show, other than setting up HHH and Hardy doing whatever going forward. There are a few intriguing things coming up, but it might take a bit to make them work. Not a great show here, but they did plant some important seeds.

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Monday Night Raw – November 12, 2007: The Fight Before The Fights

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2007
Location: Kansas Expo Center, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and the show is mostly set. Last week’s show was some weird offshoot that didn’t do much to make me want to see Survivor Series, but at least the pay per view looks good on paper. That could make for an interesting week here so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a special Veterans Day video.

Here is Smackdown World Champion Batista to get things going. He is getting ready for the Undertaker inside the Cell on Sunday and he is here because of an invitation from Raw General Manager William Regal. Batista wants some competition and here is Undertaker to interrupt. Undertaker seems ready to fight and we have a referee but cue Regal to interrupt, because we’re going to have a tag match.

Batista/Undertaker vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Undertaker starts fast with Old School on Cade but Batista tags himself in for some shoulders to the ribs. Murdoch comes in and shoulders Batista down but a spinebuster gets Batista out of trouble. Undertaker chokeslams Cade and Batista spears Murdoch. The Tombstone finishes Cade in a hurry, because the Tag Team Champions should be losing in less than three minutes to a team who doesn’t like each other.

Post match, Batista gives Murdoch a bonus Batista Bomb.

Here’s a look at Smackdown vs. Raw 2008.

Beth Phoenix vs. Maria

Non-title. Beth kicks her down without much trouble to start but Maria gets in some kicks of her own. That’s enough for Beth as she grabs the fisherman’s suplex for the pin.

Post match Santino Marella comes out to check on Maria. With that out of the way, Santino starts talking about how unfair it was to get beaten up by Steve Austin last week. What happened to the first amendment? Santino wants an apology from Austin, who isn’t here this week. With that not working, he’ll go over to Austin’s friend, Jim Ross. Santino mocks JR’s English abilities and wants a fight, but JR won’t get up. Jerry Lawler will though and gets in the ring to punch Santino down.

Post break, Santino challenges Lawler for later tonight. Lawler is game.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton.

We get a Mobile Exclusive (meaning something that aired on Smackdown) showing Randy Orton and William Regal meeting in the back. The Survivor Series match will now have Sweet Chin Music banned, but if Orton tries to get disqualified, he loses the title.

Hardys/Rey Mysterio vs. Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/MVP

Matt wants MVP to start with him but gets Finlay instead. Finlay shoulders him down and hands it off to Kennedy to work on the knee as it’s weird hearing JR talk about these guys after so many months. Matt fights up with some armdrags but a distraction lets Kennedy knock him to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Matt and Kennedy not quite getting a Side Effect right. It’s still enough to bring Rey in but MVP takes him down anyway. MVP grabs a seated abdominal stretch and it’s back to Finlay for a running sitdown splash to stay on the ribs. Kennedy hits some backbreakers and MVP grabs a waistlock as the ribs are rather banged up. Rey fights up and grabs a DDT though, allowing the hot tag off to Jeff. Everything breaks down and Rey hits a 619 to MVP and Kennedy at the same time. Jeff Swantons MVP for the pin.

Rating: C+. I think you knew what you were getting here and they did it just fine. You have more than enough talent here that any combination could have pulled off a good match here and the Mysterio rib injury worked. There is a pretty solid mid to upper midcard in WWE at the moment and this was a nice showcase for some of them.

SAVE US, which now says six days, 23 hours, 33 minutes and BREAK THE WALLS in case you didn’t get the idea yet.

Here is Vince McMahon to moderate a face to face meeting between Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. They go over the stipulations for Sunday’s match, which brings up the idea of Shawn not being able to use the superkick. Shawn thinks Orton picked these rules because he is sick of the superkick. Maybe Shawn is a one trick pony, but maybe he could use a submission or something new.

All that matters to Shawn is that he remembers seeing his family after Orton put him down and that isn’t going to go away. Vince offers a distraction though and Orton gets in a cheap shot, only to have Vince block the Punt. Orton goes with the RKO instead and Shawn is left laying for a change. Nice use of a heel beatdown segment here.

Jillian Hall/Layla/Melina vs. Mickie James/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly

Michelle and Melina fight over wrist control to start, with Michelle wristdragging her into the corner. Kelly comes in and makes the mistake of dancing a bit too much, allowing Melina to drop her with a clothesline. Jillian comes in and quickly gives up a tag off to Mickie so house can be cleaned. Mickie gives Layla the Long Kiss Goodnight (kiss into a spinning kick to the head) for the pin.

Classic Survivor Series clip: The Rock wins the WWF Title at Survivor Series 1998 by going Corporate.

Snitsky likes to hurt people.

Jerry Lawler vs. Santino Marella

Lawler is in street clothes and JR keeps hyping up the right hand. A backdrop has Marella in early trouble and the right hands knock him up against the ropes. Marella gets in him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs but Lawler avoids a knee drop. Some right hands stagger Lawler but Marella stops to yell at JR and gets small packaged for the fast pin. Short and inoffensive.

SAVE US. AGAIN.

Before the fans came in earlier today, William Regal held a training session for Hornswoggle in the empty arena. For some reason, Hornswoggle and Great Khali (or at least Coach in a Khali wig) both get full entrances from Lilian Garcia. Coach takes the wig off but Real yells at him until he puts it back on. Someone else as Runjin Singh handles the ranting translations and we seem to be having a full match. Hornswoggle takes a distracted Coach down, knocks the wind out of him and hits the Tadpole Splash for the fast pin. This could have been funny but it was too short to go anywhere.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is looking forward to Survivor Series but tonight, he’s taking out Umaga in a lumberjack match. He’ll take out all of Umaga’s guys if he needs to and then his team will win again on Sunday.

Classic Survivor Series clip: The Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us. No.

HHH vs. Umaga

Lumberjack match with the other Survivor Series team members (and more) around the ring. Umaga starts fast and the brawl is on, with HHH being sent outside. A right hand drops Matt Striker so HHH heads back inside, only to take Umaga outside this time. HHH dives off the apron to take out Umaga and the pile. Umaga gets in a shot of his own though and we take a break.

Back with Umaga hitting the swinging release Rock Bottom to take over again. Umaga sits on HHH’s ribs and lets Finlay get in a cheap shot from the floor (as you do). HHH gets in a shot to the head and tries a slam, only to fall back in a crash. We hit the nerve hold for a bit before HHH gets pounded down into the corner. The running hip attack misses though, allowing HHH to grab a DDT. The facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree but Umaga is back with the Samoan drop. Not that HHH minds as he comes back with the spinebuster, drawing in Finlay for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was almost every HHH vs. Umaga match you’ve ever seen but with some guest stars on the floor. They couldn’t have a clean ending on the last show before Survivor Series and lumberjacks are a perfect way out. I don’t think there is a ton of drama for what is going to happen on Sunday though and there was only so much interest in seeing these two fight again here.

The big brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. As has been obvious on Smackdown in recent weeks, Survivor Series is not going to be a deep show. There is the Undertaker vs. Batista match on top, then Shawn vs. Orton a good bit below that. Other than that, you have Team HHH vs. Team Umaga to make it feel like Survivor Series and that’s really about it for stuff that matters. This wasn’t exactly a great go home show, but they did a nice enough job of hitting the bigger stuff on Sunday’s card. Now just get through Survivor Series and let us get on to something more traditional, as that could do Raw and Smackdown some good.

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Monday Night Raw – October 29, 2007: Reboot The Computre

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 29, 2007
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Cyber Sunday and on the way to Survivor Series, which means things can get a bit more back to normal around here. The big Raw story was that Randy Orton retained the WWE Title over Shawn Michaels after getting himself disqualified, which means we are probably heading for a rematch. Let’s get to it.

Here is Cyber Sunday if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Divas Battle Royal

Victoria, Kelly Kelly, Maria, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Kelly Kelly, Brooke, Melina, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool

Most of the entrances are edited off of Peacock (music I’m assuming) and they’re all in Halloween costumes here. Layla (cop) is eliminated first as Victoria rolls wild in her sumo (read as fat) suit. The bottom rope Banzai drop crushes Brooke (jungle girl) to get rid of her and Michelle tosses Jillian (Brittney Spears), only to have Melina eliminate Michelle (Eve).

Melina (showgirl) and Mickie (Native American warrior princess) go to the apron with Melina eliminating both of them at once. Torrie Wilson uses her football helmet to run Victoria over as JR tries to find out if Victoria is in her suit alone. Kelly (gangsta) dumps out both Torrie (Philadelphia Eagle) and Victoria for the win.

Rating: D. What were you really expecting here? There was no reason for the match to take place other than to have the women out there in their outfits, which we had seen the night before at the pay per view. Kelly winning is a bit of a surprise, but she is the kind of woman that WWE would love to push to the moon if she can do anything in the ring at the moment.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to lay Kelly out.

We look at Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels from last night.

Here is Shawn Michaels for a chat. Shawn is thankful to everyone who voted for him last night but he didn’t win the WWE Title. He has heard a lot of people talking about their grapefruits, but HBShizzle is going to be honest with you: you have to have pinpoint accuracy to hit his. What maters is that he won the match though, and now he his getting a rematch. He wants it tonight, but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt.

McMahon knows that people want to see him be the champion again and Vince seems to like the idea too. He knows what Shawn really wants is revenge though because, despite that Bible reading, Shawn is a rotten man. Shawn admits that he spent four years wanting revenge, which he swore he would never do when he went home in 2002.

Now he wants to hurt Randy Orton and take him out, so does he have his rematch or not? Vince says Survivor Series is an appropriate name, and says the match is on without saying what he means. Then Shawn teases a superkick to Vince, who falls down in fear. Kind of an odd segment but more to come I’m sure.

You can vote for the Diva Search winners!

Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Holly and Shelton start things off with Benjamin taking him down for some shots to the head. It’s off to Haas, who gets chopped rather loudly before the villains take over again without much trouble. Holly gets in another shot though and the hot tag brings in Cody, who comes in off the top with a clothesline. Cody blocks Haas’ DDT and hits one of his own for the fast pin. Holly still doesn’t seem convinced.

Candice Michelle has broken her collar bone in a horrific injury. It is so bad that we look at it again just so you don’t forget about the whole thing.

Beth Phoenix cuts off Todd Grisham and says she has no regrets over what she did to Candice Michelle last week. Then this week, the Divas were out there in their costumes because no one takes this stuff seriously. Candice can go back in Wisconsin, knowing that she was destroyed by the Glamazon.

Trevor Murdoch is reading the 500th issue of WWE Magazine when Mickie James comes up. She thanks him for not letting Lance Cade clothesline her last week, but Murdoch doesn’t like seeing an innocent girl get hurt. Mickie: “I’m not that innocent.” Cade comes up and, after Mickie leaves, gets on Murdoch for not having his head in the game.

William Regal is in Vince McMahon’s office and recaps Vince’s issues with HHH and Shawn Michaels. Vince says his issues with HHH is personal, which brings him to Hornswoggle. Regal brings Hornswoggle in and leaves Vince to talk about how he hasn’t been around Hornswoggle enough. Tonight, Hornswoggle has to face Coach and Vince wants the family honor upheld. Hornswoggle needs to learn how to deal with victory, because it is his family’s birthright. If he is a McMahon, he needs to start to hate and he needs to start tonight. Hornswoggle starts grunting and shouts as he runs off.

SAVE US!

Hornswoggle vs. Jonathan Coachman

Hold on though as we need a guest referee, which brings out Mick Foley. Coach charges but Foley gets in his way, allowing Hornswoggle to run around a bit. Hornswoggle goes to the leg but Coach grabs him by the beard. That’s broken up as well and Hornswoggle knocks him down, only to miss the bottom rope elbow. Coach hits Foley out of frustration and grabs a chair, only to have Foley knock him down. Hornswoggle has his own Mr. Socko and grabs Coach between the leg, allowing Foley to add a clothesline. The Tadpole Splash finishes for Hornswoggle.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t good but at the end of the day, what are you expecting here? They played up the comedy and had Foley here to even things up a bit. You don’t need to do anything beyond the obvious here and it was perfectly fine, even if the match was barely there aside from the comedy stuff.

HHH, in a rather hideous shirt, is almost depressed by Todd Grisham’s pep talk before the handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton tonight. The odds are against him but he has an ace up his sleeve, so if he goes down, they’re coming with him. They’re two of the worst in the game, but he is the Game.

Lance Cade vs. Paul London

Trevor Murdoch and Brian Kendrick are here too. London hits a quick crossbody for two but gets caught in a belly to back suplex. Cade sends him to the apron, with London coming back in with a springboard crossbody. A Murdoch distraction lets Cade hit his sitout spinebuster for the fast pin.

Post match the Highlanders come in and beat down London and Kendrick before glaring at Cade and Murdoch.

Jeff Hardy/DH Smith vs. Carlito/Mr. Kennedy

Smith is being thrown into the deep pretty quickly. Hardy and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy grabbing a headlock. That earns him a heck of a clothesline but Kennedy pulls Hardy into the corner so Carlito can come in. Some shoulders to the ribs don’t do much for Carlito as Hardy kicks him down and grabs his leg trap cradle for two. Smith comes in and gets chopped in the corner, only to come back with a clothesline to send Carlito outside. Kennedy joins him thanks to Hardy and the good guys pose as we take a break.

Back with Smith fighting out of an Indian Deathlock but getting pulled back into the corner so Kennedy can stay on the leg. Kennedy draws in Hardy to get in a few more leg shots because he knows how to villain. Smith manages an enziguri though and the hot tag brings Hardy in to start cleaning house. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Carlito with Kennedy having to make the save. Smith drops Kennedy though and it’s the Twist of Fate into the Swanton to finish Carlito.

Rating: C. Pretty basic tag formula here but they have thrown Smith straight into the middle of the midcard and he hasn’t looked bad so far. Granted I don’t know how far you’re going to go with the name DH Smith but playing into the British Bulldog relation and then giving him some wins is a good way to start. Now do something with it, as you can always use some fresh blood.

Here is Santino Marella for a chat. He wants to make a formal complaint to the WWE travel department, who screwed up and prevented him from showing up and giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. At least his in-flight movie wasn’t the Condemned! Cue Steve Austin…..’s music, as Marella pops up on screen doing an Austin impression and offering to beat up Marella with a can of the a** whip.

Cue Maria to say that Austin (originally described as “he”, prompting Santino to tell her to not use pronouns) is going to be here next week (which receives NO reaction in an odd moment). Marella accuses her of being on internet chat sites again, because the only place you’ll see Austin is on the cover of the Condemned in the discount bin at the gas station.

Here are the Diva Search finalists. Eve wins and is rather happy. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have this on a show about how the viewers had control?

SAVE US, now with “19_LAUNCH” and “BREAK THE CODE” visible.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title. HHH and Umaga start things off but an Orton distraction means HHH has to split his time. A jumping clothesline drops Umaga but he’s right back with some right hands in the corner. Umaga hits the Samoan drop on HHH and the double teaming is on….so here is Shawn Michaels for the DQ and the save.

HHH and Shawn clean house, likely setting up a tag match next week.

We cut to Vince McMahon and William Regal in the back, with Vince saying DX is back next week for one night only.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a lame way to come off a pretty good pay per view, though Survivor Series in just a few weeks should be an upgrade. There wasn’t much to see on the show, as they didn’t have anything noteworthy in the ring and McMahon going after HHH feels a bit tired. Next week looks stacked though so maybe this is just a bad one off week. At least I hope it is.

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Cyber Sunday 2007: The Very Gimmick Show

Cyber Sunday 2007
Date: October 28, 2007
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 10,094
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Joey Styles

This show can’t come fast enough, as the build hasn’t exactly been great. The good thing is there are enough interesting matches on the show and some of the stipulations could work out. The voting is enough of a hook to make the show, which includes Randy Orton defending the Raw World Title against someone and Batista vs. Undertaker with a referee to be determined, work. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has an election theme, as the wrestlers have been trying to gain the fans’ votes. Giving the fans a direct say is always a good idea.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

Stretcher Match – 40%
No Disqualification Match – 36%
Shillelagh On A Pole Match – 24%

There is a stretcher at ringside and you have to put your opponent on it and move over a line. Finlay starts fast by getting Rey into the corner and sending him shoulder first into the post. A toss sends Rey under the ropes and onto the stretcher before Finlay drops him ribs first onto it again. It’s way too early to send Rey over the line though so he heads back inside for a change.

A headscissors takes Finlay down and a basement dropkick staggers him again, meaning it’s time to go outside again. Finlay fights off of the stretcher though and kicks Rey in the chest…before going up the pole that has the Shillelagh in case the other stipulation was picked. Rey powerbombs him out of the corner and grabs the Shillelagh himself but Finlay takes it away and starts going after Rey’s knee.

Finlay rams the stretcher into Rey, who manages a 619 on the apron to send Finlay onto the stretcher. A splash is almost enough to get him over the line but the stretcher gets caught on a TV cord. With that out of the way, a flapjack onto the stretcher is enough to give Rey the win.

Rating: C+. The stretcher was a bit of a weird way to go but it was a unique enough of a way to go. These two have had a nice feud over the last few weeks and Mysterio gets a win to keep him in the thing. Finlay continues to be a perfectly solid midcard villain and he should be able to keep things going for a pretty long while to come.

Matt Hardy vs. MVP is off the card because Matt busted his head WAY open on Smackdown. He looks like he was in a car crash as MVP comes in to offer condolences. Matt says that MVP gets to face someone the fans pick for the US Title, with the options being Mark Henry, Great Khali or Kane. MVP’s panicked face is great as he’s off to talk to Vickie Guerrero about this.

JBL begs fans to vote for him to referee the main event.

We see the Divas in their Halloween costumes, including

Maria (cat)
Victoria (sumo wrestler, with Kenny Dykstra as Mr. Fuji, setting up the Ron Simmons cameo)

Monday Night Raw – October 15, 2007: Three Times Two

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 15, 2007
Location: NEC, Birmingham, England
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things picked back up last week as Shawn Michaels made his return to the show and took out Raw World Champion Randy Orton. That seems likely to be taking us to Cyber Sunday, which is going to need a card set up in a hurry as the show is less than two weeks away. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton winning the WWE Title at No Mercy and being congratulated the next night, only to have Shawn Michaels return and go after him, including a heck of a superkick.

Orton comes up to William Regal in the back and thinks Regal should be the one picking his opponent at Cyber Sunday. For tonight, Orton wants a warmup match, plus a triple threat between his three possible Cyber Sunday opponents: Mr. Kennedy, Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels.

Opening sequence.

Here is William Regal to announce that Randy Orton will be facing all of his Cyber Sunday opponents tonight in a series of singles matches, starting with this one.

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and this isn’t what Orton seemed to want. Hardy armdrags him down to start and Orton doesn’t look happy with any of this. Some more armdrags set up an armbar and there’s a running clothesline to put Orton on the floor. Hardy dropkicks him through the ropes and we take an early break. Back with Orton working on a chinlock, setting up the powerslam for two. The knee drop gets the same and we’re back to the chinlock. Hardy fights back up and hits his mule kick but here is Mr. Kennedy to break up the Swanton. The RKO finishes Hardy.

Rating: C. This was a pretty dull match until the finish, as Hardy can make a comeback like few others. Kennedy distracting Hardy makes sense, as he not only has recent issues with Hardy but also doesn’t want Hardy to beat Orton and get momentum in the voting. Logical move here and it gives Hardy some protection in his loss.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Maria is here with Santino and commentary tries to figure out what she sees in him. Before the match, Santino mocks England for not being as good as Italy and starts going after the Condemned, which brings out Venis to get things going. Venis hammers away to start but Santino ties his legs in the rope to take over. We hit the leg crank on the mat as Maria looks….I think pleased? A half crab stays on the leg so Val makes it over to the ropes. Venis fights up with the usual assortment of strikes to the face before trying a sunset flip out of the corner. That’s fine with Santino, who sits down on it and grabs the ropes for the pin.

The Diva Search girls did a search and rescue competition on the beach. This is in no way, shape or form an excuse to have them run in slow motion. Next time: they’re going to arrest people.

Carlito and Coach talk about small apples, which leads them to a discussion of Hornswoggle. Coach seems to have a plan to murder him but Hornswoggle comes in, meaning the chase is on.

Post break, Coach chases Hornswoggle through catering and gets a lot of food thrown at him. Hornswoggle escapes again and Coach is frustrated.

We look back at Vince McMahon tormenting HHH last week in the form of a handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton.

William Regal comes in to see Vince, who asks how old the Queen really is. Regal, looking at the photos on his wall, including Queen Elizabeth and Elton John: “Which one?” Vince has something in mind tonight, but first he has to correct Regal: it’s UMAGA, not YOUMANGA.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and gets two off a quick rollup. The headlock goes back on and it works so well that the third version frustrates Orton even more. Orton finally hits him in the face but Kennedy does it right back and swats the dropkick away. Some more right hands get Orton out of trouble and the backbreaker gets two. Kennedy is right back with the Regal Roll but here’s Jeff Hardy to jump Kennedy for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They didn’t have much time here and a lot of it was spent on headlocks and punches. The ending wasn’t quite the biggest surprise, but then again they aren’t exactly going for subtlety with what Orton is going to be doing at Cyber Sunday. Hardy coming in makes sense to even things up as he and Kennedy can be on the pay per view in some match of their own.

Post match Hardy beats on Kennedy even more.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. He puts over the idea of Cyber Sunday again and brings out HHH’s opponent for the show: Umaga. Vince says that we could be having a street fight at Cyber Sunday, so let’s do that with this young man already in the ring.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

Street fight. Umaga knocks him outside to start and throws him over the announcers’ table as the destruction is on. Back in and a Samoan drop onto a chair finishes Simmons fast.

Hold on though as Vince wants a demonstration of the second option.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

First blood. Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe for the running headbutt (Vince: “That’s gonna leave a mark.”) and there’s the running hip attack in the corner. The Samoan Spike ends whatever is left of Simmons and Umaga hammers on him until the blood flows for the win.

Oh wait though as there is one more option.

Umaga vs. Andy Simmons

Inside a cage with escape only. It takes a second for the cage to be set up, so Vince narrates some highlights of the previous two matches. Simmons is sent head first into the cage to start and then the ribs go into the steel as well, allowing Umaga to walk out for the easy win.

Coach and Hornswoggle have a bicycle race and Ron Simmons does his catchphrase.

Jillian Hall vs. Candice Michelle

Before the match, Jillian mocks Lilian Garcia’s singing abilities and accuses her of lip syncing last week. Also, a real singer doesn’t need a band, so tonight she is singing acapella British! Candice cuts her off so Jillian gets in a cheap shot to start fast. The Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in less than a minute.

Beth Phoenix is ready for Candice Michelle getting her rematch next week. She’ll make Candice worship her.

Hardcore Holly comes up to Cody Rhodes and doesn’t get why Cody is challenging him again. Cody thinks he has a chance but Holly says this is his last shot and slaps him. That’s the look Holly wants.

Smackdown Rebound.

Brian Kendrick vs. Rory McCallister

Their respective partners are here and Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch are on commentary. Kendrick hammers away to start but gets knocked into the ropes for his efforts. Rory knocks him outside and a rather delayed cover gets two back inside. The chinlock goes on and brings Kendrick back to life, only to have Robbie offer a distraction. A reverse suplex gives Rory the pin.

Rating: C-. What were you expecting here? As nothing as the match was, I can appreciate the idea of adding a fresh team to the division. There is only so much you can get out of two teams fighting each other over and over so this is a nice addition. The match wasn’t exactly good, but the Highlanders can add a bit of spice to the division.

Here’s the same video that opened the show.

Shawn Michaels promises that he’ll be waiting around every corner for Randy Orton and is ready to go to Cyber Sunday and take the WWE Title.

Coach chases Hornswoggle into the Divas locker room and leaves with some underwear. The women throw things at Coach until he leaves.

SAVE US, with commentary acknowledging it for the first time.

Hornswoggle runs into the arena and Coach follows him, with Hornswoggle going underneath the ring. Coach pulls out a Wile E. Coyote style red box explosion trigger, but nothing goes off. Then Coach goes underneath the ring to check the cord and….yeah you know what’s coming. Hornswoggle blows Coach to smithereens as I try to figure out how I got here.

Cody Rhodes vs. Hardcore Holly

Cody forearms away to start but has to skin the cat. Back in and Holly fires off the chops but Cody gets in a crossbody for two. Holly isn’t having that and ties him in the ropes for some shots to the chest, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up so Holly hangs him in the ropes for the kick to the ribs that looks rather low. Cody manages a crucifix for two, followed by a rollup for the same. Back up and Holly hits that dropkick of his, followed by a high crossbody and the Alabama Slam for the pin.

Rating: C. They’re building a little something here, even if it is pretty low level stuff. What matters is that they are giving Rhodes some kind of a story and that is more than a lot of people get around here. Granted it is with Hardcore Holly, but that is at least something, so he has somewhere to go from here.

Cody keeps pulling himself up and Holly looks kind of impressed.

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Non-title again. Shawn wastes no time in knocking Orton outside to start and a clothesline gets two back inside. A rollup gets the same but Orton elbows him in the face to take over. The top rope superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the elbow. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Mr. Kennedy comes in for the DQ.

Post match Jeff Hardy comes in for the save but gets shoved off the top, leaving Shawn to fight off both villains. The superkick drops Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was one of those shows with a running theme going throughout the show but it was only so interesting as we are on the way to a pretty foregone conclusion. That isn’t a terrible thing, though it doesn’t make for the most thrilling week as we wait for Michaels to get the title shot. Other than that, there was an explosion and Umaga squashing a guy three times in a row. The UK shows tend to be bad but this felt like they were especially out of ideas on the way to the pay per view.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – October 8, 2007: Welcome Back

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 8, 2007
Location: Van Andel Arena, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with No Mercy and Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion, having been awarded, losing and regaining the title in quite the rollercoaster of a night. Orton is going to need a new challenger now and that means we might be in for something interesting this week. Let’s get to it.

Here is No Mercy if you need a recap.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going. He brags about living up to his word last night, when he guaranteed a new WWE Champion and a WWE Championship match. Well we had three WWE Championship matches and history was made. We get a package on the HHH vs. Randy Orton title matches (Umaga is omitted, which makes sense for Vince) before Vince guarantees that history be made again tonight. Every wrestler is going to come out here and shake Orton’s hand to wish him well. The next title defense will take place at Cyber Sunday, with Vince explaining the concept.

Cue HHH to interrupt and to tell Vince to shut up. These fans don’t care about Cyber Sunday because they care about tonight. That’s why HHH is invoking his rematch clause and he wants Orton this week. Vince advises him against it but says sure he can have his rematch….but we’ll throw in Umaga as Orton’s partner in a handicap match.

Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle/Maria

Maria takes Melina into the corner so Mickie can start working on the arm. A missed charge in the corner lets Melina get in a shot of her own though and it’s Beth coming in to throw Mickie around. Melina comes back in for a chinlock before handing it off to Jillian. Mickie kicks both of them away and the hot tag brings in Candice to clean house. Everything breaks down and Candice reverses a handspring elbow into a victory roll to finish Jillian.

Rating: C-. This was a way to rebuild Candice after her loss last night but it is pretty clear that her time as a serious title contender is over. Phoenix is a new breed of champion and she is going to need a more serious challenger. Out of the people here, that would pretty much just be Mickie, but for now it seems like we have to get Candice’s rematch out of the way.

William Regal has brought in some new stuff to spruce up Coach’s office, but Coach says that Elton John and George Michael are “queens” just like Elizabeth. Regal’s eyes are bugging out of his head but Vince McMahon comes in to say it’s ok. The two of them are supposed to keep an eye on Hornswoggle but they’re not sure where he is.

Video on last week’s Cyber Sunday.

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Fallout from Venis mocking Santino last week. Hold on though as Santino drops to the floor and says he can’t wrestle, but he has a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Val Venis

Snitsky goes straight to Venis’ bad knee and kicks at it in the corner before dropping a knee on the knee. A clothesline sets up the pumphandle powerslam to finish Venis fast.

Evander Holyfield is fighting on Saturday so here’s what he did on Saturday Night’s Main Event a few months back.

SAVE US!

John Cena joins us via satellite from Florida and says that he will be out of action 7-12 months. Lawler suggests Cena is glad he didn’t have to fight Randy Orton last night so Cena makes a Cleveland Indians joke, because he’s that horrible of a person. Cena is looking forward to seeing Orton have to shake everyone’s hands tonight and he’ll be back soon.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title, though I thought this was HHH’s official rematch. The villains don’t have to tag here but HHH manages to send Umaga outside. A DDT plants Orton but Umaga gets him outside and starts hammering away. Back in and the double stomping is on as HHH’s banged up ribs get banged up even more. A dropkick puts HHH down and Umaga gets to stay on the ribs. HHH fights up and tries a fast Pedigree on Orton but has to send Umaga into the post. The spinebuster drops Orton but Umaga comes back in with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: C. They were working while it lasted but it didn’t last long. HHH gets screwed over and likely gets to continue his feud with Umaga, which does make sense as HHH was a last minute replacement opponent for Orton. It’s not like they have any current issues so let HHH destroy Umaga again in some kind of a brawl at Cyber Sunday while Orton fights….someone.

Post match Orton hits the RKO on HHH and Umaga crushes him even more, including the Samoan Spike. Referees have to help get HHH out but he shoves them away….and falls down.

Post break and HHH is still being helped out. That’s a pretty big injury angle.

In the back, Vince McMahon tells HHH that he has to be first to shake Randy Orton’s hand.

Highlanders vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

The highlanders are sent outside to start and taken down by a double dive as JR says London and Kendrick were Smackdown Tag Team Champions for well over a year. Well over, not quite over, same thing. Back in and London has to fight out of a chinlock, allowing the hot tag to Kendrick so house can be cleaned. Rory makes a save so London takes him to the floor, leaving Robbie to avoid a charge in the corner. A rollup with feet on the ropes gives Robbie the fast pin as the heel turn is on. Not likely to go anywhere, but it’s on.

The Diva Search girls had some rapid fire questions. Next week: search and rescue.

Coach can’t find Hornswoggle.

Lilian Garcia sings the title track from her Quiero Vivir album. After the song, Santino Marella comes in, praises “Jillian’s” song, and proceeds to sing his own song about how Steve Austin can’t act. Apparently this is set to Amy Winehouse’s Rehab.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Kennedy works on a headlock to start but Hardy runs him over with a shoulder. A flipping legdrop misses though and Kennedy gets two off a northern lights suplex. Jeff knocks him to the floor though and there’s a ram into the apron to make it worse. A missed dive only hits barricade though and we take a break.

Back with Kennedy working on a half crab but Hardy fights out and goes up top. Kennedy breaks that up with a dropkick and we’re right back to the half crab. With that broken up, Hardy kicks off a Figure Four attempt so Kennedy chop blocks him back down. The knee is fine enough to hit the running sleeper drop but Kennedy’s rollup, with feet on the ropes, gets two. Hardy is back with the sitout gordbuster but the Swanton misses. Kennedy goes for a lazy cover, which is countered into a crucifix to give Hardy the pin.

Rating: C+. This was the best and longest match on the show, which shouldn’t be a surprise given that the talent was there too. I’m not sure I get why Hardy is pinning Kennedy if he is going to be the next challenger, but I’ll take some slightly sketchy logic over the champion losing. Or maybe they go in a different direction than Kennedy as the challenger, which may be the case for Cyber Sunday.

Vince McMahon tells William Regal to have everyone at ringside, including Hornswoggle. Regal says Hornswoggle is having a nap but Coach comes in to say he can’t find Hornswoggle anywhere. Then Hornswoggle pops up out of a trunk, seemingly having just woken up. Regal and Vince leave so Hornswoggle beats up Coach.

The roster is on the stage, with Vince McMahon in the ring to tell them all to show respect to Randy Orton. Cue Orton to stand on a platform in the ring, where he says no one deserves to be champion more than him. He is perfect at everything he does and he sees a lot of jealous faces on the stage. This dynasty has only just begun and he will be WWE Champion for a long time to come.

Now HHH needs to get down here and say “good luck champ”….but there is no HHH. Vince demand that HHH come out here right now but instead, Orton is sent to go get him. Orton goes to get him….and it’s Shawn Michaels, looking far more grizzled than before (the cowboy hat looks thinner). The fight is on, with Shawn taking Orton down and then hitting Sweet Chin Music. Shawn is rather fired up and glares at Vince to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Shawn’s return at the end was good and gives them a fresh main event that can get Orton over harder as the new champion. Other than that though, it seems that they are still trying to figure out what to do with Cena gone, which is going to take some time. The wrestling wasn’t very good for the most part and I’m not sure how well the angles are going to go with Cyber Sunday being such a wild card. Not the most thrilling show here, though it’s good to have Shawn back.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – September 24, 2007: Clever, Yet Creepy

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2007
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to No Mercy and the main event of John Cena defending the WWE Title against Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match. That alone should be enough to carry the Raw side of the show but there is still time to fill in on the card. Maybe we can fill in some more of that this week, along with more Hornswoggle shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Coach is in the ring, with security guards around him, and we see a recap of the recant issues between John Cena and Randy Orton. This includes last week, with Orton attacking John Cena’s father to end the show. As a result, Coach has suspended Orton indefinitely, but Coach isn’t going to let Cena take his rage out on everyone else. Coach brings out Vince McMahon, who talks about how everyone needs to show respect.

This includes HHH, who tried to embarrass him last week with a bunch of leprechaun jokes. Tonight, Vince is going to get that revenge as HHH faces Carlito inside a cage. Actually we’ll make it even bigger, as Vince himself will be Carlito’s partner. With that out of the way, Vince invites Hornswoggle to join them in the ring. Vince didn’t mean a bunch of the things he said last week and hopes that Hornswoggle loves him instead of wanting his money. Hornswoggle says he loves Vince and they share a big hug. Things seem to be going well and Vince even has a woman who would like to meet him.

Cue Melina in a green dress to say Hornswoggle (who is looking very nervous) is very cute. She asks “Horny” if he would like to get to know her so Hornswoggle jumps on her. Vince tells them to go have a beer and a good night (Vince: “Always use protection.”). With the two of them gone, Coach asks Vince if he can keep being General Manager when William Regal comes back next week but here is a ticked off John Cena to interrupt. Security comes in so Cena goes after Vince and Coach, with the bosses escaping. Vince says Cena’s title reign is in Coach’s hands.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

This is Holly’s return after several months away. Before the match, Holly says Cody sounds like he belongs in a boy band instead of in a ring. Holly knocks him down without much trouble to start but Cody says hit him in the face. A sunset flip gives Cody two but Holly chops him in the corner. Cody snaps off a Russian legsweep for two and a dropkick keeps him in trouble. Something off the top rope misses though and the Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: C-. Short and to the point here as Holly beat Rhodes up without much effort, but Rhodes was trying as always. Holly’s return was treated as a big deal and I could see him going a little somewhere in the midcard. Rhodes losing is a bit weird after he had been on a winning streak, but at least it feels like he has a bit more experience now and isn’t just skating on his family history.

Post match, Holly shakes his head down at Rhodes.

We recap the John Cena/Coach situation.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and calls Cena a phony. Cena knew he was in trouble at Unforgiven so he got himself disqualified. Maybe Cena’s dad just lives off of Cena, but Orton is a professional wrestler. Last week Orton took out Cena’s dad and now he’s going to be ready to take the title from Cena in the Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino and we get the first mention of Teddy Long’s apparent heart attack on Smackdown. No update or anything, but it was mentioned. Simmons hammers him in the face to start so Santino bails out to the floor. The chase lets Santino catch him on the way back in and stomp away, setting up a reverse chinlock. Simmons fights up but the threat of a powerslam sends Marella bailing to the floor again, this time for the countout.

Rating: D. This was about what you would expect as neither of them was exactly on fire here. Simmons was long retired at this point and did little more than punch in between Marella’s running away. That’s about what the match should have been, and it would have been hard to accept the idea of Santino beating Simmons, even at this age.

Post match, Simmons hits the catchphrase.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest. Next week: the obstacle course.

Jillian Hall comes up to Melina in the back and asks where Hornswoggle is. Melina seems ok with going on a date with him before revealing that she’s only doing this for a shot at the Women’s Title. She’s off to take a shower.

The Highlanders ask Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for a Tag Team Title shot with any stipulation the champs want. Then they pull up their kilts, much to the champions’ disgust.

The cage is lowered.

Carlito/Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Inside a cage. HHH punches Carlito down and pulls Vince off the cage wall. More right hands drop Carlito again and Vince gets pulled back through the door as well. HHH crotches Vince on top so Carlito hits HHH low and sends him into the cage. We take a break and come back with HHH throwing Carlito at Vince to drive him into the cage. Carlito has to save Vince from a Pedigree with a Backstabber so Vince goes up. HHH cuts off Carlito but Vince is able to escape for the win.

Rating: D+. They didn’t exactly burn the house down here as this was much more about giving us something to keep Vince vs. HHH going. Vince was added to the match out of nowhere, though that might be due to WWE realizing that Carlito vs. HHH isn’t exactly interesting. The match was nothing to see, though they didn’t stay on it for very long.

Post match Vince leaves but Carlito is left alone with HHH. Some rams into the cage set up a spinebuster and the Pedigree onto the chair leaves Carlito laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title, joined in progress and with the Highlanders at ringside. Cade hits a backbreaker on London so Murdoch can come in with an ax handle. The abdominal stretch doesn’t last long as London gets over to Kendrick. House is cleaned and a quick Sliced Bread….draws in the Highlanders to jump Kendrick for the DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on as London and Kendrick are left laying.

Hornswoggle spies on Melina in the shower, then chases her around backstage and steals her towel. This freaks Melina out, but she didn’t seem to mind showering in front of a camera.

Ad for the Condemned, complete with Santino Marella saying he isn’t impressed with Steve Austin’s acting.

HHH comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and challenges him to a one on one match. Vince: “You’re on.” HHH: “And you’re screwed.”

Jeff Hardy/Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix/Shelton Benjamin

Milwaukee is the hometown girl. Benjamin takes Hardy into the corner to start but some shots to the face stagger Benjamin for a change. A mule kick sends Benjamin outside and Candice takes out Beth, leaving Hardy to hit a big dive to the floor. We take a break and come back with Beth working on a seated full nelson but Candice fights up (to a heck of a reaction).

The hot tag brings in Hardy for a Whisper in the Wind (with Lawler having to correct JR on the name). Benjamin powerbombs him down though and we hit a chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back. A backbreaker gives Benjamin two but Hardy is back up with a crossbody. It’s back to the women, with a jawbreaker sending Beth into the corner. Candice plays Jeff in Poetry in Motion but Beth is back up with the fisherman’s buster for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well so much for the crowd being happy. It should set up a title rematch between Candice and Beth, which almost has to wrap up Candice’s title reign once and for all. The match was short enough and to the point, though Hardy and Benjamin were little more than extra players for the women’s stuff.

Coach has a press conference, suggesting that John Cena is about to be stripped of the title. Also, Randy Orton has been suspended for twenty four hours, because anyone could do what Orton did to Cena’s dad.

And now, for something new: a blue Matrix style video, with the words SAVE_US.222 popping up. Commentary doesn’t reference it, as I’m sure this won’t mean anything.

Coach is in the ring with security around him and a bunch of photographers on the floor. He orders Cena out here and after a bit, here is Cena, wearing the title for a change. Coach brings up Cena’s dad getting beaten up last week and now he wants Cena to BEG to keep his title. Cena’s shirt comes off and Coach’s jacket does too, with Coach issuing threats from the security. Hold on though as the bell rings and Lilian Garcia has a ruling from Mr. McMahon: Cena is still champion and will get to face Coach in a tables match RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title and Cena punches him down, grabs the STFU, and hits the FU through a table for the fast win.

Post match Hornswoggle comes out on the stage. Cena: “Thank you Mr. McMahon.” Ok that was clever.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as other than a few nice moments, there was nothing to cheer. Hornsowggle’s bit at the end was good, but it’s the same one who spied on Melina in the shower and then chased her around the arena. Other than that, there was some lame wrestling and little more than another week of filler on the way to another Orton vs. Cena title match. Not a good show, but maybe the returning stars will help them next week.

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Monday Night Raw – September 17, 2007 (2022 Redo): Adoption Issues

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 17, 2007
Location: Sommet Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the waste of time that was Unforgiven and now it is time to start getting ready for No Mercy. Last night’s show was so important that they have already announced the main event for next month’s pay per view. John Cena got disqualified against Randy Orton, so it’s time for a Last Man Standing match for Cena’s title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, with Cena snapping over Orton attacking Cena’s father.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to say he is sorry. Tonight he is better though and he feels FABULOUS. It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders because he lost to Randy Orton! Last night his dad had the guts to show up and make him the proudest son in the world. Orton is stupid enough to think this is over and want a rematch. Then there is Coach, who made it even worse for Orton by giving him a Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

That means no rules, no pinfalls and no disqualifications, so what he did last night is perfectly legal. At No Mercy, he is going through Orton like a hot knife through butter….but here is Coach to interrupt. Coach says that Cena should be glad he still has a job after last night, so tonight it’s payback time. Tonight it’s Orton vs. Cena, which works rather well for the champ. Hold on though, because Coach didn’t mean this Cena, but rather Cena’s dad, who can either have the match or have Cena stripped of the title.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and gets caught in a northern lights suplex just after the bell. An atomic drop sets up the legdrop between the legs to put Benjamin down though and Hardy takes over. There’s an armdrag into an armbar and they fight over a top wristlock. A backdrop puts Benjamin on the apron and there’s a kick to the chest to put him outside. Hardy hits the required dive to take Benjamin down again and we take a break.

Back with Benjamin working on a neck crank (with the replay showing Hardy missing the Whisper in the Wind and getting kicked in the head) before pounding away in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Benjamin two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up as well and it’s a double clothesline for a double knockdown. Now the Whisper in the Wind can work but Benjamin grabs a backbreaker for two more. A reverse DDT gets the same so Benjamin puts him on top, only to get shoved down. The Swanton retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. You knew these two were going to be able to have a good match with each other due to pure talent and it was a completely fine TV title defense for Hardy. It’s a way to get Hardy back on track after he got squashed by Khali last week so this was about as fine of a way as he had to be back to normal again.

The Diva Search finalists play beach volleyball. I think you get the idea here. In case you didn’t, there is a limbo competition on WWE.com.

Coach joins an annoyed Vince McMahon in his limo to try and calm him down. Vince is annoyed about Hornswoggle….who is in the limo also, eating Lucky Charms and restrained by tape because he’s an infant. How we didn’t hear Hornswoggle until the camera was on him is not clear, but Coach takes him inside (biting ensues).

John Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling tonight but Cena’s dad insists on doing it.

Santino knocks on the Divas locker room door, looking for Maria, but finding Jillian Hall instead. Maria wanted to see the Condemned, even though Steve Austin’s performance was worse than Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards. Jillian: “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!” Santino wants to impress Maria so Jillian suggests a country duet together (Nashville and all). She starts a little Achy Breaky Heart and Santino agrees to save his ears. Don’t worry either, as he has another idea.

Vince McMahon is still yelling at Coach but they hear Irish music coming from Vince’s office. The office is now filled with green balloons and shamrocks, plus piles of Lucky Charms. Vince: “THIS IS ON YOU!” Hornswoggle pops up so Coach chases him off as a unicorn pops up to scare Vince.

Jim Duggan vs. Daivari

Flag match because reasons. Daivari goes for the flag to start but gets pulled back down. They take turns pulling the others to the mat until Daivari gets crotched on top. Duggan punches him down, then sends him into the post and pulls down the flag for the win.

Cody Rhodes volunteers to take John Cena’s dad’s place against Randy Orton but Coach turns him down. John Cena comes in and threatens Coach, who gives Cena a match tonight. If Cena wins, his dad is off the hook, but if not, the match is still on.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. As you might have seen last week, he has indeed fathered a son in Hornswoggle, who comes out doing a jig. Vince kneels down next to Hornswoggle and says that when he dies, Hornswoggle will get a lot of money. Hornswoggle: “Money money!” Vince has some papers with him tonight….because he is putting Hornswoggle up for adoption!

Cue a couple (Ed and Alice Koskey) with their attorney but Hornswoggle hugs Vince. That doesn’t sit well with the boss, so Hornswoggle pulls down Ed’s pants and bites the back of Alice’s dress. The Koskeys run off so Vince gets serious and tells him to get away from him. Vince throws him out and the fans are not happy with him. He insists that anyone here would have done the same thing but here is HHH to interrupt.

HHH takes credit for decorating Vince’s office earlier, which was difficult because it’s hard to find a unicorn around here. He knew Vince had slept with some trolls, but he didn’t know about elves, fairies and hobgoblins. Vince: “I’VE NEVER SLEPT WITH FAIRIES!” HHH: “That’s not what I read on the internet.” HHH thinks the Genetic Jackhammer had too much genetic Jack Daniels and now he’s a genetic jackass.

It isn’t surprising though, because he is short tempered, short sighted and a certain part of him is microscopic. Vince: “Are you finished?” HHH: “That’s the same thing Hornswoggle’s mom asked you the night you slipped her the shillelagh.” Just between them, did they do it on the Yellow Brick Road? Vince is livid, but one more question: was she magically delicious? Vince puts him in a match right now, which I believe had been mentioned earlier.

HHH vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Joined in progress with HHH clotheslining them down as Carlito comes out to watch. We settle down to Cade hitting a neckbreaker for two as we’ll be having tags in this one. Murdoch comes in and pounds away in the corner, setting up a Blockbuster for two. Cade grabs the neck crank before switching to a leg lariat for two. HHH fights up without much trouble though, knocks Murdoch off the apron, and finishes Cade with the spinebuster.

Rating: C-. I know it’s HHH, but beating the Tag Team Champions on your own so quickly isn’t exactly the easiest thing to see. It would be nice if there were some other villains who could have taken this spot but that isn’t how the tag team division works. This was about having HHH break a sweat before we get to continue the epic HHH vs. Carlito feud. I’m sure there are twelve people out there who want to see it keep going.

Post match Carlito, Cade and Murdoch stomp HHH down but Paul London and Brian Kendrick make the save. Cade and Murdoch leave so Carlito gets Pedigreed. HHH isn’t sure what to think….and Pedigrees both of them.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Melina/Jillian Hall

Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Mickie and Melina lock up to start until a neckbreaker takes Melina down. Jillian shoves Mickie off the top though and gets to come in to toss Mickie down by the hair. That’s about it for Mickie being in trouble though and she gets over for the tag off to Candice. House is cleaned and the Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in short order.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to glare at Candice.

The Condemned is on DVD tomorrow.

Vince McMahon is leaving and recaps the night, with Coach saying no one has seen Hornswoggle since Vince yelled at him. With that, Vince gets in his limo to leave, with Hornswoggle popping out of the trunk.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and if Cena wins, his dad is out of the match with Randy Orton. The opponent is….Santino Marella, which has Cena wondering if this is serious. So Santino is doing this to impress Maria, but Coach agreed to it? Cena initiates the finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but Randy Orton runs in to jump Cena for the DQ.

Post match Orton handcuffs him to the ropes. Cue Coach to say that the match is still on, because Cena had to win the match by pinfall. That feels like a quick correction for Orton hitting the wrong person.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena

For reasons I don’t want to fathom, Orton went backstage during the break and does a full entrance here. John Cena is still on the floor and handcuffed to the bottom rope. The bell rings so Orton knocks him down and starts the stomping while looking down at Cena on the floor. The beating continues until Cody Rhodes runs in for the DQ.

Post match Orton sends Rhodes into the steps and RKO’s Mr. Cena. With his dad down, Cena unhooks the turnbuckle to escape and chases Orton off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Outside of Vince now having a son and interacting with him, this felt like a show where almost nothing changed. Cena still wants to wreck Orton for what he did to his dad, HHH is still tormenting Vince and….what else is there here? It isn’t a bad show, but it seems like everything is in a holding pattern until everyone gets back from their suspensions. Understandable, but it isn’t making things easy to watch.

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Monday Night Raw – September 10, 2007: The Reveal

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 10, 2007
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the big reveal as this week will see the reveal of Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. This is the kind of story that feels like it should be a huge moment, with Mr. Kennedy feeling like the likely surprise, but that pesky steroids suspension seems to be throwing a wrench into the plans. That should open up a new door too, so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We’re starting fast because here is Vince McMahon, with Coach, to get things going. Vince recaps the story, saying that he has an illegitimate son and that he is a “WWO” (Vince: “Let me try that again.”) superstar. Vince blames the mother for causing all of these problems before informing the fans that Coach DOES NOT suck. The only thing that makes Vince feel better is that his son isn’t from Green Bay, like Mr. Kennedy, who is on the current WWE Magazine. Vince happens to have a copy, which he has Coach rip up.

Enough of that though, as Vince wants to know who his son is, which brings out Great Khali. Runjin Singh translates for Great Khali, who said that “things are looking up” must mean him and he would be proud to be called The Great McMahon. Cue JBL to interrupt to talk about how he and Vince both love money. JBL: “Put Big Gulp on a leash.” Even in this market, he can guarantee and things are looking up. Vince owns wrestling and JBL is a wrestling god. They even go to the same barber!

He would love to be John Bradshaw McMahon but here is Jeff Hardy to interrupt this time. Coach: “What are you doing out here?” Jeff: “I’m not really sure.” Jeff thinks “things are looking up” might mean him diving off the ladder, but he certainly hopes he isn’t the son. JBL yells about Hardy and Khali’s hair, but here is Mr. Johnson, the son’s mother’s lawyer.

Vince goes into a rant about how much he hates attorneys before being told his son will be revealed at some point tonight. For now, the only thing Johnson will reveal is that Vince’s son is NOT Jeff Hardy. Jeff: “PRAISE THE LORD YEAH!” That celebration earns Jeff a singles match with Great Khali later tonight.

We see some photos of the South African tour, including Paul London and Brian Kendrick winning the Tag Team Titles from Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, only to lose them back three days later.

Paul London vs. Lance Cade

Brian Kendrick and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Cade headlocks him down to start so London pops up with a hurricanrana. A belly to back suplex drops London right back down and we hit the neck crank. That doesn’t last long either as London is up with a springboard missile dropkick. Murdoch tries to offer a distraction….but it lets Kendrick come in for Sliced Bread. London adds the running shooting star press for the fast pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and it was a way to bridge the feud to Sunday. I like the title switches on the tour as it gave this feud a bit of life, as otherwise it was just London and Kendrick getting another title shot. You can only get so far when there is no chance of a title switch and now they gave the thing a bit more interest.

We recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s dad two weeks ago, sending Cena over the edge with an attack on William Regal last week. As a result, Cena is barred from the building this week.

Coach tells Vince McMahon that William Regal is doing better but has a lot of recovering to do. As a result, Coach has banned John Cena from the building tonight, which Vince doesn’t like. Coach has another idea though, as he brings in the man who the fans have voted as the second most likely star to be Vince’s son: Stevie Richards! Vince cracks up laughing and sends Stevie away before asking Coach who was #1 in the audience vote. That would be HHH, which doesn’t sit well with Vince.

We look back at HHH beating up Carlito and REALLY beating up Umaga.

Carlito is ready to destroy HHH on Sunday at Unforgiven. As for tonight, Carlito is full of surprises.

HHH vs. Shelton Benjamin

Carlito is at ringside. HHH wins an early slugout and sends him shoulder first into the post. It works so well that HHH does it again before throwing Shelton into Carlito. We take a break and come back with HHH fighting out of a chinlock but getting DDTed for two. The chinlock goes on again so HHH fights up again, only to get caught with the spinning clothesline from the top. HHH’s standing clothesline connects to put both of them down for a breather. Back up and HHH hits a spinebuster, setting up the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: C. This was more like the old school Benjamin and that is a very good thing to see. It’s great to have him showing off his offense and he looked like his old self here. That being said, he was little more than cannon fodder for HHH, which isn’t a big surprise. Nice match here, as HHH continues to get back to normal.

Post match Carlito goes after HHH but gets cut off. Cue Coach to say Vince McMahon is sick of HHH being disrespectful. Therefore, Carlito vs. HHH at Unforgiven is now No DQ….for Carlito only.

A car arrives and since it isn’t John Cena’s, he can roll right in.

Here is Randy Orton, with security, for a chat. Orton knows John Cena is watching at home, maybe with his dad. If that is the case, he needs to turn the volume down because his dad’s head must be throbbing. This Sunday at Unforgiven, it is one year since Cena won the WWE Title. Orton is in Cena’s head though and he is going to use that opening to take Cena down. Cue Cena through the crowd to get his hands on Orton but security holds him back so Orton can escape.

In the back, Vince McMahon yells at Coach for not keeping Cena out. Cue security, who still can’t hold Cena back. Cena gets in Vince’s face and says, as a man, that he knows what is happening to Orton at Unforgiven. Orton is going to feel pain and vengeance in his bones for Cena’s father. That is something even Vince can understand, and with that, Cena leaves.

Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall

Candice Michelle is on commentary. Mickie flips out of an early snapmare attempt but gets whipped into the corner. That means a handspring elbow connects to give Jillian two as Candice talks about facing Beth Phoenix. Jillian pulls her down hard out of the corner and seems to rub Mickie’s face into her chest. Apparently it wakes Mickie up enough to kick Jillian in the head for the pin.

Post match Beth Phoenix runs in to take both of them out so Candice runs in for the failed save attempt.

Sandman vs. Santino Marella

Before the match, Santino mourns the loss of Luciano Pavarotti, but at least he passed away before he had to see Steve Austin in the Condemned. Santino doesn’t understand this lack of culture but Sandman’s entrance cuts him off. Once Sandman gets rid of the kendo stick, Santino starts pounding him down and goes after the leg. A splash hits raised knees though and Sandman knocks him outside. That means a big dive (there’s a surprise) from Sandman but Marella uses the kendo stick for the DQ.

Post match Santino tries to break the stick over his own knee but hurts himself. Sandman gets the cage to chase him off.

Post break Maria is talking to Ron Simmons about Santino being so different lately. She thinks they might need to split up but here is Santino to jump Simmons. Santino even does Simmons’ catchphrase, which should signal his doom.

The Diva Search is coming back. Great. We get the first look at the finalists, including Eve Torres, Taryn Terrell and Lena Yada.

Unforgiven rundown.

Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Khali throws him into the corner to start for the elbow to the face. The Whisper in the Wind is knocked away and Khali hits a big boot. The Vice Grip finishes Hardy in a hurry. Your Intercontinental Champion everyone.

Post match here is Batista to spear Khali down without much effort.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for the big reveal, with the male roster surrounding the ring as well. HHH comes out last and Vince isn’t exactly pleased. Vince knows that one of these men is his son and wants to know who gets to be a McMahon. He wants to know who it is right now but here is Mr. Johnson on the Titantron. In accordance with his client’s wishes, he is going to eliminate some of the possible names.

First up, the son is not extreme, meaning ECW is out. Vince: “Thank God it’s not Balls Mahoney.” The son also has a fondness for gold, meaning he is a current or former champion. Next up is that the son’s skin is fair, which Vince (rather rapidly) points out means he is Caucasian. Vince has everyone left get in the ring, as he is told that the son’s hair is fair as well.

That leaves us with Sandman, JBL, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch and HHH, though the fans want Kennedy (not here). Vince shoots that down before giving us the next clue: “Individual.” That takes Vince some time to figure out but it means he isn’t a tag wrestler. The final clue: the son loves to play the game.

That seems to leave HHH, who isn’t happy either. Vince says this isn’t right, with Johnson agreeing. The son loves to play games, such as hide and seek or marbles….because it’s HORNSWOGGLE! HHH nearly falls over in laughter as Hornswoggle pops out, grabs Vince’s leg, and puts his hat on Vince’s head to end the show.

So there’s your big reveal. After several weeks, we get Hornswoggle as the big gag blowoff, which was disappointing back in the day and it’s disappointing now. This time it isn’t WWE’s fault as the Kennedy suspension blew up what could have been a career making story, but ultimately there is only so much that can be done when the key player is gone. Hornswoggle was a bit funny and there is some good comedy potential, but it feels like it could have been so much more.

Overall Rating: C-. This was ALL about the big angle at the end, with the wrestling being a complete afterthought. That made for a weird show, as Unforgiven took a backseat as well, leaving the pay per view without much of a final push and the big story with a pretty lame resolution. Again, it isn’t WWE’s fault this time, but it is still pretty disappointing.

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