Royal Rumble 1990
Date: January 21, 1990
Location: Orlando Arena, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

We hit the 90s and there’s a bit of a new feel to the company with that new decade. Things are now being made to look a little newer and it’s probably a good thing that they are. Oh and there’s also probably the biggest moment in the Rumble for…..arguably ever actually so there’s that to look forward to. Let’s get to it.

We get the list of almost everyone in the Rumble to start just like last year.

Jesse Ventura in Mickey Mouse Ears is a scary sight.

Buschwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeaus

We get ALL AMERICAN BOYS for the Rougeaus and Jacques has his MANLY beard. This is a Wrestlemania rematch from the previous year. We start with Butch vs. Ray and while this may sound like a stretch, I think this might be a comedy match. A quick sleeper by Ray is broken up and it’s time to bite the trunks as well as the referee for some reason. The Whackers clear the ring but Jacques hits the floor to avoid the Battering Ram.

Off to Luke vs. Jacques, with Luke taking a bite out of his nose. Jacques says hit me in the face, so Luke charges with a clothesline and hits Ray instead. Things slow down again and the Rougeaus easily distract Luke, allowing Ray to jump him for two. Ray comes in for real and kicks Luke down for two more. Luke is sent to the floor and goes back first into the apron. This match is already dragging.

Back in and Luke bites some more but it doesn’t get him anywhere. Luke gets rammed into the corner a bit, drawing Butch in which allows even more double teaming. We hit the chinlock followed by an abdominal stretch from Jacques. Now it’s off to a reverse chinlock to keep things slow.

We get the Arn Anderson cannonball drop onto a guy on the mat but the guy on the mat gets his knees up to crush Arn’s balls spot, followed by a hot tag to Butch. The Rougeaus are sent into each other and Jimmy Hart gets involved and beaten up. Jacques gets a quick rollup for two and Ray puts a Boston Crab on Butch. With the Rougeaus hugging for some reason, the Battering Ram to the back of Ray is enough for the pin by Butch.

Rating: D+. This was WAY too long at nearly fourteen minutes. The idea behind comedy matches is to keep things quick so that people don’t realize that half of the stuff you see here is stupid. The Rougeaus clearly didn’t care anymore and this would be the last match of Ray’s career. Jacques would go on to be the Mountie and win the Intercontinental Title, in one of the biggest surprises ever. Well not really but it was pretty surprising.

Gene is with DiBiase and Virgil and Ted is annoyed. Gene brings up the shenanigans last year with Ted “drawing” number thirty, but this year there’s additional security. Virgil drew the number for DiBiase and he got number 1. DiBiase’s “Let me tell you something little man” is a GREAT delivery as he’s so great at talking down to people.

The Genius vs. Brutus Beefcake

If you’re not familiar with Genius, think Damien Sandow if he read WWF themed poetry. Oh and he’s a jobber. And Macho Man’s real life brother. Genius offers a left-handed handshake but Brutus isn’t interested. Jesse gets on Tony about Genius beating Hogan via countout on SNME. Tony: “Well…..” Jesse: “WHO WON THE MATCH???” Genius heads to the floor for a cartwheel and we finally get the first lockup.

We get a clean break and Beefcake tells Genius what he can kiss. They lock up again and Genius goes to the eyes to get the first advantage. Beefcake comes out with an atomic drop and Genius gets to do his way overdone selling. I miss that. Back in and Genius fires off some shockingly good punches so Brutus comes back with an even bigger punch. Expect to hear the word punch a lot in this match.

Beefcake steps on Genius’ fingers like a total jerk and crotches Genius on the top rope. Half of Beefcake’s taunts would get him fired today for suggesting that Genius is effeminate. We go back to the standard story of the match: Genius gets in some strikes, Brutus hits him once to take over again. A dropkick gets two for Genius as does a rollup, but Brutus catches him coming off the middle rope with a punch to the ribs.

There’s the sleeper but Genius quickly escapes. Another sleeper attempt is quickly countered, but the Genius is knocked into the referee. Ref bumps weren’t cliched back in the 80s, so this is kind of a big development. Anyway the sleeper goes on again and Genius is going down quickly. Brutus puts him out and starts cutting his hair, but Genius’ buddy Mr. Perfect comes out for the save and the DQ.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches that was bad but it was energetic. For as much of a mess as Brutus would become in real life, the guy could get the fans fired up. That’s pretty impressive as he was almost all punching and a sleeper. This was pretty lame stuff but the fans loved it which is the right idea.

Perfect and Genius DESTROY Brutus’ ribs with the chair post match.

Sean Mooney is with the Heenan Family and suggests that they could fight each other. An argument ensues. That’s what Mooney was good at: ticking people off.

A show is coming. It’s called Wrestlemania.

Greg Valentine vs. Ronnie Garvin

This is a submission match as they both use submissions for a finisher. See? Not that complicated. Now the interesting thing here is that both guys have shin guards (Garvin even has his named: the Hammer Jammer) which blocks the pain of a Figure Four. They slug it out to start with Valentine being rammed into the buckles repeatedly. Greg comes back with chops and they slug it out in the middle of the ring.

It turns into a boxing match until Valentine goes after the leg. That gets him a thumb in the eye and they slug it out some more with both guys going down via a Garvin headbutt. Ronnie tries a sunset flip for reasons of stupidity and Valentine tries a cover of his own. Both guys go down again as this match is already running too long. Garvin rolls him up again to REALLY make it clear that it’s a submission match. See, wrestling fans are stupid and can’t understand the basic explanation of the rules.

Valentine adjusts his own shin guard (the Heartbreaker) and puts Garvin in the Figure Four. Ronnie’s guard blocks the pain, so Garvin makes funny faces at Valentine. Since that doesn’t work, Valentine puts on an over the shoulder backbreaker, much to Jesse’s delight (his old hold). Garvin pounds away in the corner and puts on an Indian Deathlock which has an effect on Greg but Valentine finally makes a rope.

They slug it out for the fifth time, although this one is at least on the floor. Valentine backdrops out of a piledriver on the concrete and we head back inside. Garvin misses a dropkick in the corner and gets caught in the Tree of Woe. That goes nowhere so they collide again and both guys go down. Hart steals Garvin’s shin guard and there’s the Figure Four. After a rope is grabbed, Garvin can’t even stand up.

Valentine goes up and Garvin slams him down from one leg. He takes off Valentine’s shin guard and tries a rollup because Ronnie is STUPID. Valentine gets tied up in the ropes so Garvin beats up Hart for fun. A shin guard shot to the head knocks out Valentine and the Sharpshooter (called a reverse Figure Four) makes Valentine give up.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here and it was even good at times, but MAN it was long, running nearly seventeen minutes. On top of that, the stupid pin thing went WAY too long into the match. This is probably the best Garvin match I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t really mean much as he absolutely sucks most of the time.

Mr. Perfect doesn’t like Beefcake trying to take advantage of the Genius and we get a look at the chair attack from earlier tonight. Perfect says he got #30 in the Rumble. Well he is perfect after all.

It’s time for the Brother Love Show. You might know Love as Bruce Prichard, or one of the Gut Check judges on Impact. This is his most famous role, as a parody of 80s televangelists. He talks about what it means to be a lady, and brings out the woman whose picture is in the dictionary next to the word lady: Queen Sherri. Love sucks up to her and says he also looked up the word peasant in the Book of Love. The Book of Love is the dictionary?

Anyway the point is Sapphire (Dusty’s chick) is the definition of a peasant, making her fat and ugly. Sapphire comes out and they make fun of her looks, clothes and whatever else you would expect them to make fun of, while not letting Sapphire say a word at all. Now they make fun of Dusty for being fat and Sapphire finally blasts Sherri. Savage and Dusty come out and it’s a big brawl. Even Brother Love gets in on it until security breaks it up. A dance party ensues between Dusty and Sapphire, resulting in Love being thrown to the floor.

Duggan doesn’t have much to say about his match with Boss Man.

Big Boss Man vs. Jim Duggan

Boss Man has clearly lost a TON of weight since last year and he looks much better as a result. Duggan knocks him to the floor in a bump that Boss Man couldn’t have taken a year ago. They slug it out on the floor with Duggan taking over for a bit. Back inside and Boss Man reverses a whip before crushing Duggan with a splash. Boss Man busts out an ENZIGURI to put Duggan down again. It really is amazing to see how much better Boss Man looks after being a big fat blob last year at this show.

Boss Man hits his running crotch attack on the ropes to keep Duggan in trouble but he makes the mistake of ramming Jim face first into the buckles. Duggan’s comeback is short lived though as Boss Man hits him in the back to take over again. He cannonballs down on Duggan’s ribs as this is a good physical fight so far.

That of course comes to a screeching halt as we hit a neck crank by the cop. Duggan fights up and makes a quick comeback, only to get caught by a knee lift to the ribs. Back to the neck crank followed by a bearhug which Duggan fails to break with some smacks to the head. Instead he falls into the ropes and the brawl continues.

They slug it out some more and Duggan clotheslines him out to the floor. Back in and more punching (notice a theme here?) ensues by Jim. Boss Man comes back with a clothesline but misses a top rope splash. They collide again to put both guys down but Slick slips the nightstick to Boss Man which draws the DQ.

Rating: C+. They definitely made the right move here by going with a pure brawl instead of anything resembling a wrestling match. The fans absolutely love Jim Duggan so there was no way the crowd wasn’t going to be into this. Not a good match from a quality standpoint, but it was very fun which is the better way to go sometimes.

Wrestlemania is still coming.

We get some promos from guys in the Rumble, most of which are spent talking about whoever they’re feuding with at the time: Earthquake, Bravo, Demolition, Bad News Brown, Dusty Rhodes, the Rockers, Hercules (calling it the Rumble Royal, which was the original name for the show actually), Rick Martel, Tito Santana, Snuka, Akeem (Slick does the talking) and Warrior (Intercontinental Champion), who talks about Hulk Hogan. This would have given fans chills up their spine at the thought of it happening but then they would say “Nah, that couldn’t happen.”

More promos as we’re in intermission: Savage, the Powers of Pain (Fuji does the talking), Roberts, the Hart Foundation, Honky Tonk Man and Hogan (WWF Champion of course) who looks either bloated or high as a kite.

Royal Rumble

DiBiase is #1 and Koko B. Ware is #2. Ted jumps Koko as he gets in and stomps him down. The beating goes on for awhile until trying to ram Koko’s head into the buckle, which has no effect. See Koko is black and in WWF logic, that means he has a hard head. Koko fights back and misses a charge, sending him to the floor. Marty Jannetty is in at #3 and in literally one second less time, basically the exact same thing happens as did to Koko (minus the racial aspects) and Marty goes out.

Jake Roberts is #4 and they fight on the floor which I think is a first in the Rumble. DiBiase slams him on the floor before they head back inside. A backdrop puts DiBiase down but the DDT is countered into another backdrop. They keep brawling and #5 is Randy Savage. DiBiase and Savage forget their past hatred to double team Jake for awhile until Roddy Piper is #6, setting up one of those AWESOME tag matches we never got. Seriously, that would be excellent on a Coliseum Video.

Piper and Jake beat up the heels, nearly punch each other, and then beat up the heels even more. The energy for this match is WAY better than the previous two years, which is saying a lot. Warlord is #7 and he should be solid cannon fodder for some of these guys. Piper pairs off with him as DiBiase and Savage continue their beatdown on Roberts. Roddy makes the save until Bret Hart is #8, drawing a BIG pop.

We get a six man tag for all intents and purposes, which would be another pretty interesting one with Bret being there to bump like crazy for Warlord. Bret goes after Savage, which would be great like their match on SNME. Bad News is #9 as the good run of talent continues. Jake loads up a DDT on DiBiase but Savage clotheslines him out, which is probably a good idea given how many people we’ve got out there.

Dusty Rhodes is #10 and the place continues to erupt. He heads right for Savage as you would expect him do and it’s elbows a go-go. A backdrop puts Savage out and we get Brown vs. Dusty for awhile, which I’m not sure what to think of. DiBiase takes Brown’s place which is probably the right idea. Andre is #11 and the fans aren’t sure what to think of this. Warlord goes right to him and gets tossed to a big pop. The fans still love the Giant.

Heenan and Fuji get into a fight on the floor as Andre rams Piper and Dusty’s heads together before crushing them in the corner. They come back on him and it’s the Red Rooster at #12. Even HE gets a bit of a pop before people realize that’s who just came out. Piper eliminates Brown but Brown comes back to the apron and eliminates Piper. They brawl to the back, setting up one of the strangest matches you’ll ever see at Mania.

Andre beats up Rooster and tosses him out as Ax is #13. Their teams are fighting over the tag titles at this point so there’s a story there. Hart and Rhodes try to throw out DiBiase and we get the traditional Andre is tied up in the ropes spot. Haku, Andre’s partner, is #14. Andre stands on Ax as Haku beats on Dusty. Things slow down a bit, which is understandable after the very hot first twenty minutes.

Smash is #15, giving us a group of Ax, Smash, Haku, Andre, Hart, DiBiase and Dusty. Demolition demolishes Andre down for the second time in two years before going off to beat on Haku. Rhodes and Hart beat on Dusty as people swap partners a bit. Akeem is #16 to give us another big fat guy in there. He goes after the Giant, but it’s a Demolition double clothesline that eliminates Andre. I’ve always loved that moment. Bret went out somewhere in there too.

Here’s Snuka at #17 to go after Akeem and take him out with a running headbutt. Ted and Dusty hammer away on each other a bit more until Dino Bravo is #18 with his manly powder blood trunks. Demolition beats up DiBiase and Earthquake is #19. There’s another team getting back to back numbers. Rhodes is out at Earthquake’s hands, as is Ax. Neidhart is #20, giving us Neidhart, Earthquake, Haku, Bravo, Snuka, Smash and DiBiase. Everyone gangs up on Earthquake and eliminates him, much to Bravo’s chagrin.

Neidhart and Smash work together on DiBiase, which would be unthinkable in about eight months. Here’s Warrior at #21 to go right after Bravo. They’ve got a bit of a feud going right now so Warrior dumps him with ease. Things slow down until Martel is in at #22. Haku backdrops Smash to the apron and superkicks him out. We were getting too many people in there so that’s a good idea.

Tito is #23 and of course we get a Strike Force battle, as they feuded for like, ever. Honky Tonk Man is #24 as things slow down a bit. We need another blast of energy in this soon. A bunch of people get together and dump Neidhart and Warrior clotheslines DiBiase out, giving him a new Iron Man record at just under 45 minutes. At the moment we’ve got Warrior, Honky, Martel, Santana, Snuka and Haku. Remember that blast of energy I said we needed? Hulk Hogan is #25.

Snuka goes after him and is immediately put out. Haku takes a big boot and is gone. Warrior and Martel dump Santana and we’re down to four in the ring. Shawn Michaels is #26. Hogan dumps Honky and it occurs to me that for some reason the entrance music for people stopped after like #6. Hogan dumps Honky, Warrior dumps Shawn and Martel and there are only two left in the ring.

This is the moment that changed the course of wrestling for a LONG time. You often hear the expression “everyone is on their feet”. In this case, that’s literally true as the place goes nuts and everyone in unison stands up. It’s a really cool visual and proof that this would work for Wrestlemania. They collide a few times and no one moves.

We get a criss cross to set up a double clothesline to put both guys down and the place is eating this up. As I said, this changed wrestling because we now have a Wrestlemania main event, instead of the potential Hogan vs. Zeus or Hogan vs. Perfect. Perfect is great, but it wouldn’t have worked as the main event in front of 67,000 people. Anyway Barbarian comes in at #27 and doesn’t do much so Rick Rude comes in like twenty second early at #28. I’ve always wondered if that was intentional to prevent more of just Hogan vs. Warrior.

The heels double team Hogan to put him down but Warrior saves. They beat up Warrior a bit until Hogan Hulks Up and goes to the corner, eliminating Warrior in the process. Hercules is #29, which is pretty awesome luck as he got #28 the year before. Hogan tries to put Barbarian out but gets poked in the eye. Perfect is #30, giving us a final five of Hogan, Rude, Barbarian, Hercules and Perfect.

Hercules backdrops Barbarian out to get us down to four and we pair off with Herc vs. Rude and Perfect vs. Hogan. Rude backdrops the power dude out and we’re down to a handicap match. I think you can see how this is going to end. A quick double team ends with Perfect getting punched to the apron by Rude. Perfect low bridges Rude out and we’re down to two. Hennig pounds away and hits the PerfectPlex but it’s time for more Hulking Up. Slingshot into the post, clothesline, Hogan wins.

Rating: A-. THIS IS MORE LIKE IT! They totally got the formula down here and had a white hot crowd to do it in front of. The first twenty minutes or so here are just about perfect with a ton of talented guys working HARD. The next big drags just slightly but certainly aren’t bad, and then things went through the roof with Hogan vs. Warrior and the ending. Perfect was supposed to win here, but Hogan vetoed it and got the win himself. The more I think about that the less I dislike it because after the first two matches, you almost had to have a main eventer win this. Either way, great stuff here and one of the best Rumbles ever.

Overall Rating: B-. This is one of those tricky shows to rate as you have four pretty weak matches to start things off, but the Rumble is great and is longer than all four other matches combined. The Rumble is all that mattered here anyway and we got a great one to really establish a standard for the match for years to come. Also Wrestlemania is shaping up really well, so I don’t have many complaints here at all. Good stuff.

Ratings Comparison

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeaus

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Brutus Beefcake vs. The Genius

Original: C+

Redo: D

Ronnie Garvin vs. Greg Valentine

Original: F (Biased). B- (Unbiase).

Redo: C+

Jim Duggan vs. Big Boss Man

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Dang the weight of the Rumble has gone way up in the last few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/09/royal-rumble-count-up-1990/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1989
Date: January 15, 1989
Location: The Summit, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 19,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

This is the first PPV version of the show and things have changed a lot. Tonight, everyone is in the match and they’re focusing more on the idea of every man being for himself. The match wouldn’t be worth anything for a few more years but things should be a little bit stronger tonight as they have a better idea what they’re doing. Let’s get to it.

We start off with a listing of presumably everyone in the Rumble tonight. If not then it’s at least most of them.

Dino Bravo/Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Jim Duggan/Hart Foundation

2/3 falls here. Anvil vs. Bravo gets things going and they collide a few times with no one going anywhere. Both guys miss elbows and it’s off to Duggan for a BIG reaction. Ray Rougeau comes in and is immediately slammed down and hit by a knee drop. Hart comes in to a small but audible reaction and gets two each off a small package and a sunset flip. Jacques comes in and things break down a bit with all three heels being caught in one corner where Anvil drives shoulders into them, crushing Ray against the corner under two other guys.

Ray FINALLY gets something in by low bridging Bret to send him to the floor. At the end of the day, when you need someone to sell something you call on Bret. Dino’s side suplex puts Bret down and The Rougeau Bomb gets the first fall. Bret and Ray start things off in the second fall with Hart in big trouble. Jacques comes in and sends Bret into the corner for the traditional chest first bump in the corner which gives Dino two.

Bravo puts on a bear hug for a bit before it’s back to Jacques. A sunset flip gives Bret a quick breather but he’s immediately put in a camel clutch. Anvil makes the save but as he’s being put back in the corner, Ray comes in and puts the same hold back on. That’s good stuff there. The heels take turns working over Bret until Jacques puts on a Boston Crab. Gorilla wants Duggan or Neidhart to come in and break the hold up, because you’ve got five seconds. I love the hypocrisy you would get from him at times.

Bret breaks the hold and tags in Anvil but the referee didn’t see it. That’s such a basic spot but you don’t see it much anymore. Ray puts on an abdominal stretch before it’s off to Jacques for the exact same hold. Bret FINALLY hits an atomic drop to break up the momentum and there’s the white hot tag to Duggan. Anvil hits a slingshot shoulder on Ray and a Duggan elbow drop ties the match up at a fall apiece.

Duggan pounds on Ray to start before going to the wrong corner to try to beat up both guys. Bravo hammers away a bit but rams Duggan’s head into the buckle for no effect at all. Duggan gets punched over into the corner and there’s the tag to Hart. Everything breaks down and Duggan hits Bravo with the board to give Hart the pin.

Rating: C. This was fine but Duggan’s reactions are amazing. The guy was probably the third most over guy in the company at this point, which is covering a lot of ground given how over some of the guys were in 1989. This was fine for an opener but the ending was never quite in doubt, which is ok.

We get a clip of some people pulling their numbers earlier. DiBiase isn’t thrilled at all and immediately goes to find Slick to work out a deal of some kind. These segments need to come back, if nothing else to try to make us believe the numbers are random. The Bushwhackers are happy with their numbers but they trade anyway. Honky is mad about his number. Bad News says his is good news. Demolition seems annoyed. Jake….you can’t tell emotion from him anyway. The Rockers don’t seem to hate theirs.

It’s time for the Super Posedown, which is exactly that: Ultimate Warrior and Rick Rude posing against each other to further their feud. Warrior is IC Champion here and man alive if this happened on a PPV today the fans would likely riot. Well not riot but boo heavily at least. Heenan actually sucks up to the fans because it’s decided by fan vote. Again, the ending here isn’t exactly in doubt. This goes on WAY too long, as it’s just posing and people booing/cheering depending on who is posing. Rude finally attacks Warrior with a bar and bails. Warrior chases after him and that’s it. This somehow took nearly fifteen minutes.

Womens’ Title: Judy Martin vs. Rockin Robin

Robin is defending and is Jake Roberts’ real life half sister. Sherri is in the ring and wants the title shot at the winner of this. Martin misses a charge and Sherri sits in on commentary. They pound on each other and it’s clear that they’re not incredibly skilled in the ring. Martin slams her down and blocks a sunset flip with a punch to the head. Robin puts on a Boston Crab as this is going nowhere.

Martin blocks an O’Connor Roll as Sherri complains about not getting a rematch yet. Gorilla talks about the process you have to go through to get a rematch, which is a nice sounding idea when you think about all the automatic title rematches you get today. Imagine that: EARNING a title match. Something resembling a DDT gets two on Martin but Robin misses an elbow drop. Martin misses one also but a backslide gets two for Judy. Robin kicks her in the face for two and gets the same off a small package. Sherri: “Come on somebody win.” Robin goes to the middle rope, fakes Martin out, and cross bodies her to retain.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but the ending wasn’t bad. The Women’s Title would be retired about 13 months later and wouldn’t be restored until about 1993. At the end of the day, no one cares about womens wrestling other than for how small their outfits are. Robin and Martin aren’t exactly eye candy either, so this didn’t do much for anyone. At least it was short though.

Slick says the Twin Towers (Boss Man and Akeem) are probably winners of the Rumble but denies knowing anything about shenanigans with DiBiase. Sean Mooney has footage (the original Vickie Guerrer) of Slick and DiBiase together and suddenly Slick realizes he misunderstood Mooney the first time. He has no comment though.

Rude runs his mouth a bit about beating Warrior. This must be intermission.

Yep, it’s intermission as we get promos from a few managers, saying their guys are going to win. Nothing to see here but we hear from Fuji (representing the Powers of Pain), Liz (Mega Powers) and Jimmy Hart (Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine). Like I said, nothing to see here.

Jesse is sitting on the throne that will go to either Haku or Race. He thinks he might just run for King because the chair is comfortable.

King Haku vs. Harley Race

Race was King but got hurt and the crown went to Haku. This is his chance to get it back in a one time only return to the ring. Harley shoves over Haku’s throne to start and the brawl is on. You know Race is going to be the brawler in this. Back in and Race pounds away before suplexing Haku down for two. Heenan manages both guys here but Race is kind of the face by default.

They head to the floor again with Race being sent into the post and chopped a few times. Haku sends him back to the floor after a few seconds in the ring as we stall for a few moments. More chops have Race in trouble as Jesse talks about Hogan injuring Race, which is only kind of true. Race no sells a headbutt and gets two off a piledriver. They collide again and Race falls to the floor as Heenan plays both sides, saying he’s for both guys when the other is out of earshot.

Back in and Race punches some more before getting two off a suplex. Haku gets sent to the floor again as it’s pretty clear there’s not much to this match. Race tries to piledrive Haku on the floor but gets backdropped as is the usual. A second attempt at a piledriver works but not incredibly well. Back in and a clothesline puts Haku down for two but Haku comes back and misses a top rope headbutt. Race misses a headbutt of his own and charges into the superkick from Haku (looked GREAT) for the pin to keep the crown in Tonga or wherever he’s from.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible and the ending kick looked awesome, but other than that there wasn’t much to see here. Race was clearly old and banged up and he didn’t have a lot to work with in the form of Haku. The crown was mostly a minor title that was only somewhat official. Nothing to see here, but no one cares about anything but the Rumble tonight anyway.

Time for more Rumble promos, with Beefcake, Greg Valentine (both of whom say they just need their fists), the Powers of Pain (Fuji does the talking for them), Big John Studd (freshly back in the company), Mr. Perfect (pretty new at this point) and Savage (insane of course).

DiBiase is much happier about his number now.

Heenan says the Family (Brainbusters and Andre) is ready and Andre says he’ll thrown them out if he has to. Arn whispers to Tully when Andre isn’t looking because Arn Anderson is more awesome than you.

Hogan gives his usual promo with the focus on Boss Man and Akeem this time.

Royal Rumble

The entrants are every two minutes, allegedly. #1 is Ax and #2 is Smash, beginning a tradition of having partners fight at the beginning of these matches. They immediately pound on each other and amazingly enough, they actually sell the offense. It’s a bunch of clotheslines and punches, but the key to Demolition has always been how HARD they hit each other, which is what you get a lot of here. In at #3 is Andre, which gives us one heck of a handicap match.

Demolition immediately hits a double clothesline on Andre and start demolishing him to a BIG pop. Andre is way past being past his prime here but this is still cool to see. Here’s Mr. Perfect at #4 and he strolls down the aisle, which is pretty wise for him. Andre starts fighting Demolition off and for some reason this turns into a tag match. Andre easily throws out Smash, resulting in a 2-1 attack on Andre.

The Giant fights them off and Perfect sells a headbutt as only Mr. Perfect can. Here’s Ronnie Garvin at #5 and they get Andre tied up in the ropes. The Giant breaks free and beats up Ax while Garvin and Hennig fight a bit. Andre shifts over to beat up Perfect, giving us some more awesome overselling. Greg Valentine is in at #6 to make it 4-1 against Andre. AGAIN Andre is all like BRING IT ON and knocks them away, eliminating Garvin in the process.

Andre chokes Valentine in the corner while Ax and Perfect continue their rather uninteresting fight. Andre starts choking Ax and the look on his face is eerie. Jake Roberts is #7 and Andre immediately pounds him down. Nothing of note happens for two minutes so here’s Ron Bass at #8 as Jake gets eliminated by Andre. Shawn Michaels is in at #9, giving us Ax, Perfect, Andre, Bass, Valentine and Michaels. As I type that, Perfect knocks out Ax.

Perfect throws Shawn over the top rope but some skinning the cat brings him back in. Shawn dropkicks Perfect to the apron as we get into a sell-off. #10 is Butch who gets a big pop of his own. As Butch gets in, here’s Jake Roberts again with the snake to scare Andre out of the match. The fans look at something, presumably Jake and Andre in the aisle, as things settle down a lot. It’s Honky Tonk Man at #11 as things are in that annoying slow period of most Rumbles.

Tito Santana is in at #12 to finally balance the heel/face ratio out a bit. There’s almost nothing going on here other than the energy burst you get from the new guys coming in. Bass hits a good backdrop on Michaels as Santana barely survives an attack from Valentine. Bad News Brown is #13 and Butch and Santana (there’s a pairing for you) dump Honky. Butch gets beaten up and Shawn goes up top to jump on Bad News and Bass. Marty Jannetty is #14 and the Rockers double dropkick Bass out.

Tito kills Valentine with the forearm and world champion Randy Savage is #15. NOW the place wakes up as he hammers away on Bad News. Perfect and Savage go at it in a match that would have the purists drooling. Speaking of making purists drool, Arn Anderson is #16. Savage dumps Valentine as Shawn fights Arn. Savage….saves Anderson and eliminates Shawn? Now there’s one I didn’t expect. To recap, we’ve got Marty, Anderson, Butch, Brown, Savage, Santana and Perfect in there at the moment. That’s quite the lineup for the most part.

Tully Blanchard makes the lineup even stronger at #17. Just to be clear, that’s two tag teams getting back to back numbers. Gee, what are the odds? The Brainbusters double team Marty as we’re just waiting for Hogan at this point. And here he is at #18. There goes Perfect, giving him the new Iron Man record at just under 28:00. Off camera, Savage and the Busters put Santana out as Hulk beats up Brown. Hogan fights off all three heels as Savage beats on Butch. Nice partner, especially after Hogan saved Savage when he got to the ring.

Here’s Luke at #19 as things slow down again. Butch gets thrown out after a remarkable 18 minutes. Hogan hot shots Blanchard but has to beat up Luke instead of eliminating Tully. After a brief lull, here’s Koko B. Ware at #20. After more of that epic Hulk vs. Luke showdown, Arn goes up top and is immediately slammed down by Hogan. Dude, you’re best friends with RIC FLAIR. Why would you think that’s smart? Hogan dumps Koko and Luke but gets double teamed by the Busters.

Warlord is #20 and Hogan clotheslines both Busters out at the same time. Warlord poses on the apron, gets in, and is clotheslined out in 2 seconds flat, setting a record that would last 20 years. Hogan also dumps Bad News, but it takes out Savage in the process which adds even more fuel to the Mega Powers Exploding in less than a month. Liz comes in to play peacemaker and the Powers shake hands.

Now we get the big showdown of the match as Big Boss Man is #21 and gets to face Hogan one on one. This is when Boss Man weighed like 400lbs and was just freaking fat. Hulk slams Boss Man down and pounds away in the corner but falls victim to a splash. A piledriver puts Hulk down and Boss Man stands tall. Gorilla says Hogan has been out there for half an hour (it’s been about 8 or 9 minutes) and Jesse is hilarious in freaking out.

To give us the third team back to back in this Rumble, #22 is Akeem. Hogan rams them together and slams Akeem but the numbers catch up with Hogan. After a brief comeback, a double splash crushes Hogan and he’s easily tossed. Hogan, ever the jerk, pulls Boss Man out and beats on him, which is apparently an elimination. Beefcake is #23, which means we just missed what could have been a good house show tag match.

Hogan and Boss Man brawl to the back as we get to the pretty dull third act of the Rumble. Red Rooster is #24 and helps double team Akeem a bit. They try to dump Akeem but Barbarian comes in at #25 and breaks it up. Gorilla: “That was kind of stupid.” Taylor and Akeem pair off, as do Barbarian and Beefcake and the heels take over. Akeem crushes the Rooster (Terry Taylor in case you’re some young kid) and here’s Big John Studd at #27.

Nothing of note happens there so here’s Hercules at #28. Again nothing happens so Rick Martel is #29. He goes right for Akeem but Studd shoves him away because Akeem is his big piece of chicken tonight. DiBiase is of course #30, giving us DiBiase, Akeem, Hercules, Beefcake, Studd, Barbarian, Rooster and Martel. Jesse and Gorilla have a debate about what a manager is as DiBiase throws out the Rooster to get us down to seven.

DiBiase and Barbarian team up to put out Hercules and Beefcake, leaving us with five. This last part isn’t quite death for the match but it’s certainly a bad sickness. Martel puts out the Barbarian to give us a final four. Akeem misses a splash on Martel in the corner and Rick fires off some dropkicks to no avail.

A cross body is caught and Akeem dumps Martel to get us down to Studd, Akeem and DiBiase. Akeem pounds on Studd as DiBiase gives instructions. Studd pulls Ted in front of a splash and dumps Akeem to get us down to two. DiBiase offers money but Studd shakes a finger at him. Studd actually fires off some suplexes to the shock of Monsoon. The elimination is academic and Studd wins.

Rating: C-. The last third REALLY hurts this. It’s not that it’s bad but after Hogan leaves you could almost hear a pin fall. Ha I made a wrestling joke. Also, John Studd? Really? They’ve got all those guys in there and they pick Studd to win? After Wrestlemania the guy was pretty much gone and I don’t think there was ever a clear reason for Studd winning given, other than they thought he was going to be a big deal. It’s just an odd pick and one that hindsight doesn’t look kindly on. Anyway not a terrible match but the booking hurts it.

Savage reassures himself that he’s still great. You can hear the paranoia and see the heel turn coming if you look hard enough.

Jesse and Gorilla wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D+. I can’t say this was a bad show because nothing on here is truly terrible, but it’s certainly not good either. This is very characteristic of the late 80s as other than Hogan and Savage, the stories were very limited at best. They were trying though and that’s something you can’t fake. Not a terrible show, but it’s nothing more than a moment \for the most part.

Ratings Comparison

Jim Duggan/Hart Foundation vs. Dino Bravo/Fabulous Rougeaus

Original: C+

Redo: C

Rockin’ Robin vs. Judy Martin

Original: C-

Redo: D

King Haku vs. Harley Race

Original: C

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

About the same again. That’s interesting compared to what happened with the Survivor Series Redos.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/08/royal-rumble-count-up-1989/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

It’s December and that means it’s time for the Road to Wrestlemania to begin. That road starts with the Royal Rumble, which has a very long history to it which we’re going to get into every day for the next 28 days before we hit the 2016 edition. We’ll start with a brief intro into the background of the show and how it got started before moving into the show itself.

So back in late 1987, the NWA was going to start airing PPVs of their own with the first one being Starrcade on Thanksgiving night. Vince, ever the ball buster, decided to air his own show on that night called the Survivor Series, saying that whoever didn’t air his show wouldn’t get to air Wrestlemania. Most of the cable companies bailed on Crockett (NWA owner for all intents and purposes) and aired Survivor Series, but they told Vince to NEVER do that again.

This is where Vince got crafty: he couldn’t air a PPV on the night that Crockett was running his next PPV (Bunkhouse Stampede, which is one of the DUMBEST and most screwed up shows ever for a ton of reasons, including not even being able to get the freaking start time right), but he could run a free TV show on that night. Therefore, he got an idea from one Pat Patterson about a battle royal with timed entrances and a card around it. The idea is the Royal Rumble, and there have been twenty five of them so far. Let’s get to it.

Royal Rumble 1988
Date: January 24, 1988
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 18,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

So as I said, this is the first of the Rumbles and it aired on live TV instead of on Pay Per View. The battle royal tonight is twenty men instead of thirty and we also have three other matches on the card on top of that. We also get a bench press demonstration from Dino Bravo (just go with it) and the contract signing for Hogan vs. Andre II at the first live Main Event which would happen in twelve days. In a KB related story, I would happen in about ten days. Let’s get to it.

Vince does the intro over what I thought was Rude’s music. Oh it was Rude’s music. No wonder they sounded alike.

Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat

This should work well with a career face vs. a career heel. That’s another thing you never get anymore: matches for the sake of having a match. You know what? It could work today too. For the sake of simplicity, Rick will only be used for Rude and Ricky will only be used for Steamboat. Rude pounds away to start but Steamboat fires off chops in retaliation. Rude throws him over the top because he’s still new at this WWF thing. Steamboat skins the cat back in and throws Rude to the floor.

Steamboat does Rude’s pose and Rude complains of a pull of the tights. Back in and Rude wants a test of strength and Dragon, ever the slow one, accepts. Down goes Ricky but he finally hits a knee to the hand to break the grip, followed by a wicked spin out to take Rude to the mat. Steamboat cranks on the arm and does so for a good while. The crowd is pretty much quiet here, so we can hear the individual shouts from fans which give Vince and Jesse something to talk about.

Rude escapes but Steamboat chops him right back down and armdrags him down as only Ricky can do. An elbow puts Ricky down for a bit and Rick pounds away some more. Steamboat comes back with chops and another armdrag into an armbar. More slugging out occurs with chops vs. punches dominating the action. In something you don’t often see, Steamboat seems to botch a spot, resulting in him backing into a knee from Rude and falling (intentionally) to the floor.

Rick sends Steamboat back first into the apron and slams him down as Steamboat is in trouble. There’s a camel clutch by Rude as he finally has a body part to work on. Steamboat taps but that wouldn’t mean anything else for about six years. The referee checks the arm and they make a BIG error as Ricky lets his arm fall three times before stopping it on the fourth drop. Jesse FREAKS as only he can but the match just keeps going. Gotta love that live TV thing right?

Anyway Steamboat stands up and drops Rude on his back to put both guys down. It’s Steamboat up first but a splash hits knees. Back to the chinlock but Ricky makes the ropes and sends Rude into the buckle ten times. A chop to the face gets two and we hit the mat for some technical stuff and a pinfall reversal sequence. By that I mean about five pin attempts each and the crowd is waking up now. Ricky suplexes Rude down but Rude pulls the referee in the way of the cross body. Rude puts on the over the shoulder backbreaker (his move before the Rude Awakening) but it’s a DQ win for Steamboat.

Rating: C. The main issue here was the length. This runs about eighteen minutes and a lame ending didn’t help things either. At least you had two talented guys in there to make the match work a bit better. Still though, cut about five minutes off of this one and it’s WAY better all of a sudden. Steamboat would be gone in just a few months.

It’s time for the bench press lift record attempt. Dino Bravo is doing the lifting (in wrestling gear) and Jesse is spotting. Frenchy Martin, Dino’s manager, is here too. Dino presses 415 to start but first demands complete and utter silence. The 415lbs are easily lifted ten times. We’re going for over 700 by the end so this may take awhile. Next up is 505, which I believe is what Yokozuna weighed when he debuted. That one only goes up eight times as we’re at six minutes spent on this so far.

This time it’s going to be 555. Great this is going to take even more time now. Dino stops to yell at the fans a bit first and now we’re going to the lifting. This one gets about seven reps as this continues to take time. Now it’s 595. They keep talking about a world record, even though there’s no official there to confirm this is happening or anything like that. Wait let’s yell at the fans some more before he lifts it three times. We’re at ten minutes now.

Jesse yells at McMahon a bit and Bravo takes forever to do 655. Gene doing the used car salesman selling of this segment helps a bit due to how over the top and ridiculous it is. Now they go for 715, but the record would be unofficial because the bar will have to be weighed later. We stop to yell at the fans of course first though and storms off. As Bravo goes to finish, Ventura reaches down and pulls the bar up. Yep, that’s the actual payoff of over fifteen minutes of this nonsense.

Women’s Tag Titles: Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Glamour Girls

These are real titles (held by the Glamour Girls at this point) which have perhaps the most confusing history ever, as the belts were literally bought and sold between two wrestling companies. Anyway, they’re here now and the Angels (Tateno and Yamazaki) beat the Glamour Girls (Judy Martin and Lelani Kai) in the finals of the Survivor Series match which basically set this up. This is also 2/3 falls.

I’m not entirely sure which is which on both teams but Vince doesn’t even know the names of the Angels at all until someone tells him later on. The Angels immediately charge at the Girls and hit stereo dropkicks to take over. For those of you unfamiliar with the Angels, basically imagine the Hardys before they became poster children for what drugs can do to you but with long hair and wearing one piece female swimsuits.

We start with Kai vs. Yamazaki (the one in pink. Got it) and a knee to the back from Martin gives the Girls control. Yamazaki Matrixes out of a cover and rolls Kai up for two. Off to Tateno for a kind of suplex out of a piledriver position for one. Jesse asks Vince the names of the Bomb Angels and Vince has NO idea. He suggests calling them pink and red. Yamazaki tries a cross body but it literally bounces off the shall we say rotund Martin.

Off to Kai again so Yamazaki knees her down before bring Tateno back in. Both Angels fire off forearms to take Kai down and there’s an Octopus Hold (a freaky kind of abdominal stretch from Japan) from Tateno. The Angels put on stereo figure fours before it gets down to just Tateno on Kai. There’s a legdrop between the legs ala Jeff Hardy but instead Tateno spreads her own legs to spread Kai’s into the splits as well.

Yamazaki hooks something like a Sharpshooter while being off to the side of Kai. That’s incredibly painful looking and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it otherwise. The Angels get in a tug of war over Kai with Martin losing the war. Martin makes a tag but it doesn’t count because her feet weren’t on the apron. There’s a rule you never see enforced. Not that it matters as there’s the regular tag anyway. Martin comes in and beats on Tateno a bit before hitting a falling backwards facedrop out of a powerbomb position for the first fall. Big Show called that the Alley Oop if it wasn’t clear.

Martin pounds on Tateno after the break but Tateno bridges out in the Matrix move from the mat. Martin misses a splash and there’s Yamazaki again. A middle rope clothesline puts Martin down for two as Vince knows the Angels’ names now. The Angels cause some heel miscommunication but Martin loads up the same move that won her the first fall. In a classic example of PSYCHOLOGY, Tateno rolls through it into a sunset flip for the second fall this time. See? She LEARNED over the course of the match. That shows thinking, which is psychology! It’s not that hard! She slipped a bit on the flip but I’ll forgive it this time.

The third fall begins with a double clothesline from the Angels for two on Kai but Lelani pounds away on her in retaliation. Off to Martin who blocks a fisherman’s suplex and escapes a backslide out of the corner. A slingshot sends Yamazaki into the wrong corner and double teaming gets two on her.

Off to Tateno who is thrown around even more than Yamazaki was. Tateno comes back with a pair of release atomic drops minus the knees and it’s off to Yamazaki for a top rope knee for two. A double underhook suplex gets two on Kai but a senton backsplash misses for Tateno. With Kai trying to get in, the Angels hit stereo missile dropkicks on Martin for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B. For the late 80s and women’s wrestling, this was off the charts. The Angels are every bit as good as any male cruiserweight not named Mysterio you’ll ever see and when they’re against people like the Girls, their skills are shown off even better. This was beyond state of the art for this time period and is still amazing today. Check these chicks out and you won’t be disappointed.

We recap Hogan vs. Andre at Wrestlemania by getting the opening minute or so which saw Hogan trying the slam and Andre getting a “controversial” two count. Andre wants a rematch and has been sold to DiBiase, who wants to buy the world title. Andre showed how evil he was by attacking Hogan on SNME and easily choking him down, setting up the rematch in about two weeks and a match which drew an INSANE 15 rating on LIVE national TV on NBC. Today Vince would lose his mind at a 5 on cable, so this was unthinkable back then.

Oh and now we get the contract signing between Andre and Hogan on tonight’s show for the match on February 5 in Indianapolis. DiBiase is here too as Jesse points out how stupid the fans are for cheering for a song called Real American here in Canada. Even Jack Tunney is here. For those of you unfamiliar, picture Johnny Ace if he wasn’t dripping with charisma.

Gene actually calls Andre Mr. Roussimoff here, which you NEVER hear on WWF TV. Andre won’t sit down and then he won’t sign. Hogan signs but Andre wants to read the whole thing first. One thing to note: Gene has probably said the date of the match about ten times. It’s so simple yet so effective. Andre signs and beats up Hogan for fun to end this after a LONG time.

Jesse and Vince talk about the Rumble and say that if you go over the top, it doesn’t matter where your feet touch because you’re out. I’m assuming that means you have to hit the floor but it’s not exactly clear.

Royal Rumble

Okerlund explains the rules and the intervals are every two minutes here. If you don’t know the Rumble rules, you have no business reading this. It’s a battle royal, people come in every two minutes, there are 20 people in it (this year only) last man standing wins. #1 is Bret Hart and #2 is Tito Santana, and wouldn’t you know it their tag teams are feuding right now. I mean what are the odds?

They slug it out to start with no one having any kind of advantage. Bret finally takes him down and heads towards the rope as Butch Reed comes in at #3. This is a different kind of Rumble as heels don’t fight heels and faces don’t fight faces yet. They just kind of work together as you would expect them to. Tito is almost thrown out by Reed but he escapes and beats on both heels for a bit.

It’s Neidhart in at #4 as not a ton is happening so far in this match. This leaves Santana more or less down 3-1 and everyone pounds away on him. The clock is pretty lenient so far as there’s no way they’re going two minutes between each of these entrants. We get some slow triple teaming and after a choke on the ropes, here’s Jake Roberts in at #5 to quickly toss out Reed. We’ve got Roberts/Santana vs. the Hart Foundation which is quite the tag match when you think about it.

The Harts get beaten down and then thrown into each other but Neidhart breaks up the DDT. Bret piledrives Santana down and Harley Race is in at #6. The crowd is staying way into this which is a good sign for the future. Things kind of slow down a bit as the faces and heels beat on each other for a little while. Here’s Jim Brunzell at #7 to make it a six man tag for all intents and purposes.

Roberts goes EVIL by pulling on Neidhart’s beard. Only Reed has been eliminated so far. The good guys are in control at the moment with Race almost being thrown out. Here’s Sam Houston, Jake’s real life half brother, coming in at #8 to beat on everyone in sight. Well every heel at least. The Harts finally get together and throw out Santana to get us down to six people in the ring.

After about 90 seconds, here’s Danny Davis at #9. To be fair he’s barely a jobber so it’s not like this is going to give the heels any significant advantage. Oh wait he’s fighting Sam Houston so yeah, the heels are in control. Race gets caught in the ropes and Jake keeps knocking him back and forth in a funny bit. Davis tries to kick Jake and gets his leg caught, followed by a suplex from Roberts.

Danny escapes a DDT as we get Boris Zhukov at #10, maybe 80 seconds after Davis came in. Things continue to go slow as we’re trying to build up to a regular battle royal. Race goes after Boris in the first instance of heel vs. heel in this match. Race and Hart double team Brunzell for a bit as this continues to be slow. Don Muraco comes out as #11 but Nikolai Volkoff follows him out, apparently thinking he’s #11. Now there’s a story you don’t see that often but which could work.

Brunzell puts out Zhukov and apparently Nikolai is going to be #12 in a few moments. After way too long of nothing happening, Nikolai is officially #12. Brunzell is put to the apron but gets back in just as Race is eliminated by Muraco. We’ve got eight in there at the moment, which would be Hart, Neidhart, Roberts, Brunzell, Houston, Davis, Muraco and Volkoff. Race won’t leave ringside so as Duggan comes out at #13, he beats Race up on the way. This would lead to one of those so ridiculous it’s hilarious moments at the Slammys.

Duggan goes right after Neidhart because HE wants to be the Jim in this match. The place is way into him too so the crowd reaction is good. After maybe a minute here’s Ron Bass at #14. Volkoff dumps Brunzell as Jake and Neidhart collide. The clock gets even shorter as B. Brian Blair is #15. There are way too many people in the ring now. Everyone fights everyone as Hillbilly Jim is #16, and the fourth person in this match named Jim. He also dumps out Jim Neidhart to empty the ring a tiny bit.

Dino Bravo is #17 as Bass dumps Houston. Back to slow motion mode with everyone pounding on people near the ropes without really doing much. Ultimate Warrior (doesn’t mean anything yet) is #18 and Bret is FINALLY put out by Don Muraco. I timed this next one, and the One Man Gang comes out at #19, 53 seconds after Warrior. They’re not even trying here. Gang immediately pounds on Roberts so Warrior jumps on the big man’s back. This is WAY before he would have been able to slam him anyway.

Gang dumps Blair and Roberts in about ten seconds, which is the best thing that could happen in this match. The Junkyard Dog is #20, giving us a final group of Davis, Volkoff, Muraco, Bass, Hillbilly Jim, Dino Bravo, Ultimate Warrior, Gang, Duggan and Dog. Hillbilly and Gang hammer on each other as Duggan puts Volkoff out. Gang tosses Hillbilly as Bravo and Davis double team Duggan. This ends badly for Davis as Duggan dumps him to a BIG pop.

Bravo and Gang dump the Warrior as we’re down to six pretty quickly. Bass jumps the Dog and tosses him to get us down to five. Muraco dumps Bass and we have a final four of Muraco, Gang, Duggan and Bravo. Gang splashes Duggan in the corner, leaving Muraco to have to fight off both guys. He even takes Frenchy Martin down with a dropkick, only to have Gang clothesline him out to get us down to three.

Jim gets double teamed for awhile and Bravo drops an elbow on him. The same clothesline sequence the heels tried earlier backfires and Bravo gets clotheslined out. Duggan pounds on Gang in a Mid-South reunion but a single shot from Gang takes him down. Gang beats on him next to the ropes, so Duggan low bridges him to win the first Royal Rumble.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where the words “well, they tried” come to mind. That’s the best way to put this match: they didn’t really know what they were doing yet, but they tried. The lack of star power hurt this one as only Duggan and maybe Dog were big names here. It wouldn’t be until next year when the star power came into this and it became a main event thing. Still though, it’s certainly not a bad match and they would get better as time went on.

We recap (see? It even happened back then) the contract signing from earlier tonight.

Hogan is in the arena (in jeans, which is a weird image for some reason) and says that he wants Andre. Standard hype interview for a big match but it’s Hogan in the late 80s so you know it’s awesome.

Islanders vs. Young Stallions

Another 2/3 falls match here just to fill in the final part of the show. The Islanders have recently kidnapped Matilda and are recently back off suspension for returning the dog. Tama and Powers (It’s Haku/Tama vs. Jim Powers/Paul Roma) start things off and no one can get a real advantage in the early going. The Stallions beat on Tama a bit, with shots to the head for some reason, before it’s Haku in off the tag.

A cross body gets two for Roma and the Stallions work on the arm for awhile. Off to Tama who gets in like one shot before we cut to a camera angle from over the announcers shoulders. That’s a new one. Powers gets caught by a double headbutt and Haku hammers away on him some more. This continues to go nowhere so I think out of boredom it’s off to Roma vs. Tama.

Roma dropkicks Tama down but Haku low bridges Roma, sending him to the floor and injuring the knee. That’s good enough for a countout for the first fall and the Stallions take Roma to the dressing room to get his knee looked at. In other words, we need a reason to show the contract signing again and let Andre talk a bit. Just like Hogan, Andre doesn’t have much to say but it hypes up the Main Event.

Back to the match after the promo, the recap and a pair of breaks and it’s basically Powers in a handicap match now. You can see big gaps of seats where fans have left. For this one, I can’t say I blame them. Powers dropkicks him down and we hear about Giant-A-Mania from Jesse. Off to Tama who pounds away even more and kicks out of a small package at two. Tama’s jumping back elbow takes Powers down and it’s a little Samoan trash talk for good measure. Haku’s dropkick gets two and there’s a gutwrench suplex for two more.

It’s off to an abdominal stretch but Powers finally hiptosses out of it to get a breather. Haku misses a splash and things slow down again, but there’s no one for Powers to tag because of Roma’s knee injury. Roma finally tags himself in and Haku casually kicks the leg out to take over. Jesse wishes that was Vince’s knee because that’s the kind of guy he is. Tama puts on a half crab and the referee stops it.

Rating: D. This match is a victim of its spot on the card. The problem here is that everything else is done and this was the textbook definition of filler. It’s hard to care about something like this when there’s no story and no interest in this match, and on top of that it wasn’t even anything decent. This is one of those matches though where you can’t blame a lot of the problems on the wrestlers.

Jesse and Vince chat a bit about what we saw to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s one major thing to keep in mind about this show: it was on free TV. On PPV, this would have been bad, but to be fair they had no idea what they were going for here so anything good, which a lot of stuff on here was, was a surprise. This was a decent entry into the show, but they did WAY better next year when they had an idea what they were doing. Good first effort though.

As I did with the last series of reviews, I’ll be comparing the new ratings to the original ones and posting a link to the original review.

Ratings Comparison

Ricky Steamboat vs. Rick Rude

Original: C+

Redo: C

Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Glamour Girls

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Islanders vs. Young Stallions

Original: C-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C+

This show hasn’t changed much other than a few tweaks here and there.

Here’s the original review:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/08/royal-rumble-count-up-1988/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #246
Date: June 26, 2000
Location: Veterans Memorial Auditorium, Des Moines, Iowa
Attendance: 4,573
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Russo is still gone over his latest backstage issue (something involving talent being moved around against his wishes), meaning we might be in for something watchable again tonight. We’re coming up on Bash at the Beach (where the watchableness ends) and the top matches of Hogan vs. Jarrett for the title and Nash vs. Goldberg for Hall’s contract (which was eaten one night and totally fine two nights later). Let’s get to it.

Quick recap of last week to open things up. Sign of the recent times: this made sense!

Cat is talking with his limo driver.

Here’s Cat to open things up, after walking past a fan flipping him off. Bash at the Beach is going to be a great show when Jarrett beats Hogan and Goldberg finally gets rid of Scott Hall. I agree, he’s been such a nuisance lately. As for tonight, there’s a four corners match for the World Title. Again, WHY DO THEY KEEP MAKING JARRETT DEFEND THE TITLE??? It doesn’t make sense! There will be two qualifying matches with Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome and Scott Steiner vs. Shane Douglas. The third challenger will be Goldberg who gets a bye.

This brings out…..Jim Duggan? He’s been sitting in the back long enough and now it’s time for him to stand up for the heroes around here. Duggan wants Goldberg tonight to beat some sense back into him and turn him into the man he used to be. The match is on and Duggan says that despite his health issues, Cat is going to have to explain why old Hacksaw is WCW World Champion. It’s cool to see Duggan back, but this would have been a way to give someone a rub by having them call out Goldberg.

Shane isn’t happy with his match tonight.

Kanyon is holding a book signing but no one has shown up. I’d have gone.

Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak vs. Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera

This is the start of one of the last eras in WCW as they FINALLY tried to infuse some new talent, albeit a year or two late. Before the match, Konnan talks about cranberries and Disco repeats what he can understand. Jindrak and O’Haire are both about 6’5 and throw Juvy around with ease. A half scoop/half gorilla press sends Juvy flying and a big clothesline drops him again.

Jindrak misses a splash and a Mysterio clothesline sends him into a sunset flip fro Juvy. What’s Up with a legdrop instead of a headbutt has Mark in even more trouble. Sean gets knocked off the apron but Jindrak ducks so Rey and Juvy dropkick each other. O’Haire comes in with a top rope double clothesline and a double suplex drops the Animals again. A tilt-a-whirl slam from Jindrak sets up a swanton bomb (later the Seanton Bomb) from O’Haire for the huge upset pin on Juvy.

Rating: C-. WHERE WAS THIS TWO YEARS AGO??? This is what’s so frustrating about WCW: they clearly know how to solve these problems and give a new team a good rub but they would rather all the young people fight each other while the old talent sits on their mountaintop. Jindrak and O’Haire weren’t the Dudleyz or the Hardyz but they were young, in good shape and won clean. That’s more than most young guys can say they’ve accomplished in years in WCW so they’re off to a good start.

Post match the Animals beat down the rookies until Lance Storm makes the save.

Cat tells the Animals to find Storm and bring him to the office.

Duggan’s wife can’t talk him out of the match.

Video on Big Vito.

Here’s Big Vito with two kendo sticks and an open challenge. No word on if this is for the title.

Big Vito vs. Jamie-San

Jamie gets beaten down with one of the sticks to start so Yang comes in to help. That earns him a beating as well so Kaz has to come in with a missile dropkick. The Dragons start triple teaming with kicks and Jamie adds a flapjack. A moonsault, missile dropkick and high cross body set up a triple guillotine legdrop to leave Vito laying. No referee so no match but was there a need to crush a champion like that?

Terry Funk offers Johnny the Bull a pep talk in the form of a chair to the back. A friendly chair to the back that is.

The Perfect Event goes into the production truck but Woody Woodpecker (guy from Thunder) leaves instead of dealing with them again.

Shane asks Big Smooth (the limo driver’s name) to get him out of here but Smooth has an idea.

The Filthy Animals play Scooby and the Gang to look for Storm.

Tank Abbott is watching in the back with the face of a thirteen year old girl. 3 Count comes to the ring to their new song, prompting Tank to dance all over the place. The music cuts off though and Tank is MAD. Woody comes up to say it was the Perfect Event (that’s VERY convenient timing) so Tank storms the production truck and drags them to the ring. Since he’s Tank Abbott, they’re defending the titles right now.

Tag Team Titles: Perfect Event vs. 3 Count

Karagias is the odd man out here. 3 Count starts fast with some dives over the top before Palumbo takes a Samoan drop/neckbreaker combo. Stasiak comes in with a cheap shot and the champs take over with a bunch of stomping in the corner, though it’s no Unicorn Stampede. A shoulder from Palumbo gets two on Helms and we get a lot more stomping.

Stasiak’s powerbomb is countered into a DDT and it’s off to Moore for some house cleaning. Shannon tries a high cross body but dives into a fall away slam from Palumbo. Heel miscommunication and Moore grabs a quick hurricanrana but there’s no referee. The exercise bar from Palumbo knocks Moore out and a double flapjack retains the titles.

Rating: D+. Well at least a young team won. With O’Haire and Jindrak debuting earlier, there’s actually something resembling a youth movement but at the same time, I have no reason to believe that these guys are going anywhere near the main event. I don’t know why I should think otherwise as it never happens around here, which is part of why this company is in the place it’s in. At least we’re getting something new though and I’ll take that over Bagwell and Douglas as champions all day.

Kronik comes out to clean house. As they leave, 3 Count wants to sing but Kronik chases them off. This brings out Tank to lay Adams out and it’s time for a dance party. Tank sucks in the ring but he’s way too entertaining in this role.

Juvy gets knocked out from behind. We can’t see who did it.

Duggan tells his wife that he’s ready and knows he can beat Goldberg.

Kanyon now has a line of people. His secret: free booze.

Video on Jim Duggan’s recovery from cancer and his return to the ring. That’s always cool to hear.

World Title Qualifying Match: Goldberg vs. Jim Duggan

The referee has to duck Duggan’s swinging flag. Before the match, Cat says there’s no interference and no 2×4 allowed. Again: that’s normal, not some special rule. Tony rips on Cat for making this a “level playing field”. That’s exactly what he’s doing Tony, you miserable schmuck.

Duggan hammers away to start and the fans are actually way into this until Goldberg takes him down with a clothesline. They head outside with Duggan going head first into the post, followed by a kidney shot. Duggan’s goofy eyes bug out as he escapes a chinlock and he hits a big slam, which is no sold because it’s just a slam. Spear and Jackhammer end Jim quick.

Rating: D-. This was an idea but they were smart to keep it short. Duggan is one of the old school goofy guys who can do whatever he want and still get cheered so having Goldberg out there beating him up is at least trying something. At the end of the day though, this heel turn is a disaster as the fans simply do not want to boo Goldberg, no matter what he does.

Goldberg hits him in the kidneys to try to get people booing, which works as well as anything else has.

A lot of people are freaked out over Duggan.

Duggan is loaded into an ambulance and Nash promises to stop Goldberg.

World Title Qualifying Match: Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome

Nash is so ticked off that he absorbs some punches and suplexes out of a headlock. Oh man he’s so mad that he’s trying to wrestle. I’ve heard of this kind of anger before but I’ve never actually seen it. Nash takes over in the corner and gets into his normal rhythm with knees and a crotch chop in the corner, followed by a framed elbow. Awesome comes back with some clotheslines and the Awesome splash for two, only to have the Awesome Bomb broken up. They head outside with Nash firing off more elbows until a low blow stops him cold. It’s chair time but Awesome gets it kicked into his face for a quick pin.

Rating: D. The anger stuff was good for all of fifteen seconds and then it was your standard Nash match. Remember when Awesome jumped to WCW like two months ago and this looked like it could have been a big feud for him? Well now he’s jobbing to Nash in three and a half minutes as we wait on his next ambulance match because that’s his thing now.

Konnan gets laid out too.

World Title Qualifying Match: Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell

Non-title of course. At least it’s not Luger vs. Bagwell. It’s a pose down to start so Steiner flips him off. Buff avoids a charge in the corner and grabs a quick neckbreaker. Tony says you have to stay out of the Recliner. Since it’s banned and would cause a DQ, wouldn’t you want to get caught in it? Steiner comes back with the Tree of Woe choke but Buff escapes the Recliner. It doesn’t seem that the referee knows the difference in the rules either. Most of the Blockbuster gets two but Steiner grabs a belly to belly for the pin. At least they didn’t go against continuity with the finish.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match here for the shortened time but it’s still Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell. Maybe I’m just burned out on all the WCW nonsense over the last few months. Bagwell clearly didn’t have a chance but at least they didn’t go with anything overly stupid and long.

They shake hands post match and Steiner leaves, allowing Shane to come in for a cheap shot. Steiner runs back in for the save.

Jeff Jarrett doesn’t have much to say besides Slap Nuts.

Hancock leaves David’s dressing room and blows him a kiss. Daffney was watching.

Here’s Miss Hancock for her weekly dancing. This brings out Daffney for the catfight but she takes a shoe to the face. Hancock leaves as Daffney says she’s going to ruin Hancock’s life, starting at Bash at the Beach.

The Animals have a meeting to calm things down.

Booker comes up to the book signing and asks Kanyon to sign his brick. The beatdown is on with Kanyon going through a table. As CM Punk would later say: “Security around here sucks.”

Miss Hancock wants the match with Daffney to be an evening gown match. Pamela seems intrigued by this.

Here’s Disco Inferno with his own referee to call out Lance Storm. He doesn’t know if Storm is stupid or Canadian, but Storm can’t just run out here whenever he wants. Storm comes through the crowd and we’re off.

Lance Storm vs. Disco Inferno

A superkick drops Inferno and a great looking dropkick does the same. Storm goes up but gets crotched, allowing Disco to grab a running neckbreaker for two. They botch something and Storm misses a dropkick. Back up and a standing hurricanrana gets two and he easily blocks the Last Dance, setting up the half crab for the win. Too short to rate but Storm looked awesome.

The Filthy Animals come out to attack Storm but Kidman makes the save with a lead pipe. It’s implied that Kidman was the attacker earlier in the night.

Torborg goes into a dark room. I really don’t want to see what develops.

After a break, Vampiro attacks Torborg from behind but Torborg swings a shovel at him. Vampiro kicks him down and then into a coffin. He closes the lid but then opens it up to yell at Torborg some more. Someone comes up from behind and hits Vampiro before putting a Sting mask on him. You mean he’s not even going to be out until the next pay per view? And didn’t Vampiro have a master he was answering to?

Konnan wants to fight Storm and Kidman on Thunder. I don’t see this ending well.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Before Nash comes out we cut to the back to see Goldberg standing over Nash’s unconscious body. The bell rings with Jarrett attacking Steiner in the aisle until they get to the ring where Steiner takes over. Jeff gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a kick to the ribs and here’s Goldberg. Steiner takes a gorilla press into a powerslam but the spear hits post.

The champ has to pull the referee out at two. The fans FINALLY think Goldberg sucks as Steiner gets double teamed. An AA sets up a cross armbreaker from Goldberg with the referee finally remembering to ask if Steiner gives up. Cue Mike Awesome to steal the US Title from Midajah.

Steiner makes his comeback and beats both guys down until Awesome pulls him to the floor for a belt shot. Nash comes back and beats up Jarrett. Awesome takes a powerbomb and Nash keeps cleaning house because he’s Kevin Nash. Goldberg gets in a quick superkick to knock Nash silly though, allowing Jeff to get the pin to retain. It’s made clear that Goldberg didn’t care about the title.

Rating: D. That’s probably being nice too. They kept this one as short as they could and somehow only had three people in the ring for most of the match. It’s nice that they had a concept at the start of the show and actually paid it off though, which is such a huge upgrade over what I’ve been sitting through. Bad match of course because most of these guys are brawlers who rarely go more than five minutes but again: you could tell what was going on and that’s a big step up.

Goldberg pulls out Hall’s contract and destroys it (again) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Again: set up an idea, pay the idea off. These shows aren’t advancing anything as Hogan is still looming and as usual can’t be bothered to show up to build a match but they’re WAY better than having the usual insanity and Russo worship that we’ve seen for what feels like years now. I’ll take a run of the mill dull show over that maddening stuff for weeks on end but Bash at the Beach scares the heck out of me.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Survivor Series 1989
Date: November 23, 1989
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 15,294
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

While Warrior is busy fighting the Heenan Family and Andre the Giant in particular, Hulk Hogan is feuding with Ted DiBiase and DiBiase’s hand picked opponent: the monster Zeus. This would be one of the dumbest ideas that wrestling has ever produced for reasons that we’ll get to later. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video shot from a car going up to the arena, going through the doors, at the souvenir stands (12.99 for a shirt. Today that might get you a sleeve) and now it’s time for opening show promos.

Hogan is thankful for time with his family and to be the strongest force in the universe. And for his team.

DiBiase is glad he’s rich.

Jake likes his snake and the DDT.

Demolition is glad they don’t have to fight each other.

Savage is glad he’s the Macho King.

Duggan is proud to be an American.

Bravo is glad Earthquake is on his side.

Dusty is thankful for his polka dots.

Beefcake for cutting hair.

Martel for his looks.

Rude for his body.

Piper because he’s not Ricky Rude.

Genius for being the smartest man in the world.

Perfect for being his name.

The Bushwhackers for sardine stuffing.

Heenan for being surrounded by the Heenan Family.

Warrior should be thankful that Ritalin is soon to be available.

We run down the cards with those nifty squares showing each team member.

Dream Team vs. Enforcers

Dream Team: Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, Tito Santana, Red Rooster

Enforcers: Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel, Honky Tonk Man

This is mainly over Dusty vs. Boss Man in Dusty’s first big feud in the company. Dusty stole Boss Man’s nightstick hat which has ticked Boss Man off and rightfully so. The other major feud is Santana vs. Martel, as the two split at Wrestlemania V with Martel turning heel. Tito and Honky start things off and for the third straight year, Honky and Brutus are in the opening match on this show.

Tito takes over quickly but Honky gets in one kick before RUNNING over to make a tag to Martel. That’s quite the cowardly heel act. Rick dropkicks Tito down as Jesse talks about the now broken up Strike Force. Tito atomic drops Martel for two and everyone but Bad News gets in the ring at once. Nothing all that interesting happens but it’s cool to see. Brown not getting in is perfect for his character too. Off to the Boss Man who is immediately armdragged down by Tito.

Dusty comes in and pounds away as the fans go nuts. Chicago was a big NWA town so it’s easy to see why he’s popular. Brutus comes in to another pop but Boss Man takes him down with a few shots to the back. Honky comes in but misses a fist drop. Beefcake hammers away but Martel makes a blind tag and takes over on Brutus. Rooster comes in and the place goes quiet. When you can’t get a reaction in Chicago, things aren’t that good for you.

Martel hits some knees to the face and it’s off to Honky who dances a lot. Boss Man comes in and slugs it out with Rooster with the big man taking over with ease. Martel comes back in and drops some knees but gets rolled up for two. Back to Honky as Rooster is in trouble. The four man variations are already paying dividends as the match seems less crowded from the start and the guys can stay in the ring a little longer. Rooster and Honky collide and it’s a double tag to give us another battle of Strike Force.

Tito goes loco on Martel and beats him down, but Martel breaks the figure four. Santana tries an O’Connor Roll but Martel rolls through and grabs the trunks for the first elimination. Dusty comes in next and hits a dropkick (and a decent one) followed by the big elbow…for two? We must be in the WWF. Brutus comes in to work on the arm and stomp on Martel’s face when he tries a reverse monkey flip.

Rooster comes in and can’t seem to figure out what to do with a headlock. Martel gets impatient and takes him down with a backbreaker. Off to Boss Man who slaps on a bearhug. Gorilla keeps calling Brutus the team captain but the team is called the Dream Team and Dusty came out last. I for one believe Gorilla Monsoon at all costs. Rooster bites out of the hold and Boss Man tags Bad News…..who isn’t interested in coming in.

After Bad News gets pulled in he takes over because he’s fighting a freaking rooster. Just like last year though, Bad News accidentally gets hit by his partner and he walks out. Good to see some things never change. It’s three on three now and we have Boss Man vs. Brutus. After the Barber gets beaten on some more it’s off to Honky for a belly to back suplex. Out of nowhere Brutus hits a high knee to Honky for the fast pin, making it 3-2 (Brutus, Dusty and Rooster vs. Boss Man and Martel).

Martel immediately comes in and puts a chinlock on Brutus which doesn’t last long. The second version of the move does though as the match slows down a lot. A backbreaker puts Brutus down and he goes into the buckle a few times. Brutus grabs a sunset flip again out of nowhere to eliminate Martel and it’s 3-1. Brutus tags in Rooster to throw a bone to Boss Man and the Boss Man Slam gets the fast pin to make it 2-1.

Dusty is in next but it’s quickly off to Brutus for some knees to the chest. Back to Dusty as the good guys are using some intelligence with the fast tags. Boss Man gets whipped into the ropes and Dusty takes him down with a cross body, likely rupturing at least three of Boss Man’s vital organs in the process, for the final pin.

Rating: C+. Nothing special here but it was fine for an opener. The fans liked most of the good guys and other than Rooster, that was a solid set of heroes. The match wasn’t competitive or anything for the most part after the first five minutes but there was nothing particularly bad about it.

Boss Man destroys Dusty with the nightstick and cuffs him to the ropes to keep up the beating. Brutus makes the save with his clippers.

Boss Man brags about what he just did.

The King’s Court, led by King Randy Savage, is ready.

The 4x4s, Jim Duggan’s team, say the same thing but much louder.

4x4s vs. King’s Court

4x4s: Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart, Hercules

King’s Court: Randy Savage, Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Greg Valentine

The 4x4s all jog to the ring with boards in their hands. This would be the second or third time that Bret was teased as a singles guy but it wouldn’t click for another year and a half. The major feud here is Savage vs. Duggan over the crown which Savage recently took from Duggan. Valentine and Garvin also have an issue but it’s nothing major. The board carriers clear the ring and stand in the ring for a while. It looks like we start with Garvin vs. Savage but Duggan chases Savage to the floor before it’s Hercules who actually starts for the 4x4s.

Hercules pounds away and slams Savage down, but right into the King’s corner and it’s off to Valentine. Greg gets atomic dropped and Bret gets tagged in. Bret works on the arm for a bit and it’s off to Duggan for some right hands. Garvin comes in and this feud continues to be lame. Garvin gets taken into the heel corner and it’s off to Bravo for some power.

Hercules comes back in to make it power vs. power with Hercules taking over. And never mind as Earthquake comes in, kills Hercules with a shot to the head and hits the Earthquake (running seated senton splash) for the elimination. Duggan comes in and collides with Earthquake (he’s still Canadian Earthquake here but that didn’t last long) but can’t do anything to him. Bret, being the smart guy that he is, sneaks up on Earthquake and school boys him so Duggan can take him down.

Off to Garvin who pounds away but Earthquake crushes him badly enough to make Garvin a pizza topping. Bravo comes in to pound away on Garvin, followed by Valentine doing the same. The Figure Four is countered and Garvin rolls Greg up for two. Savage drops a knee and it’s back to Bravo to work Garvin over a bit more. A backslide gets two for Ronnie and Savage comes in again very quickly.

Valentine comes back in even faster and they chop it out but Garvin makes a blind tag to Duggan for the three point clothesline to eliminate Valentine and tie things up. Bravo comes in again and is quickly followed by Savage and then Earthquake. Earthquake misses a big elbow and there’s the tag to Garvin. He beats on whomever he can and headbutts Bravo down. Here’s the Garvin Stomp (the circling stomp that Randy Orton uses in modern times) and he tries the Sharpshooter (Garvin used it before Bret) but Dino breaks it up.

NOW we get somewhere with a double tag to Savage vs. Hart. These two had an awesome match on Saturday Night’s Main Event a year or so before this but they never got to follow it up. Bret takes over with an atomic drop and goes for the legs but Savage dives away and tags in Bravo again. The middle rope elbow gets two for Bret and it’s back to Garvin who immediately walks into a side suplex to make it 3-2.

It’s Duggan vs. Earthquake again with Jim pounding away in the corner. Bret gets the tag and a double clothesline puts the big man down. Savage comes in and Bret is ready for a fight. Savage gets tied up in the ropes and Duggan chokes away like the hero he is. Randy gets Bret down and misses a knee drop, allowing Hart to hit a backbreaker for two.

A small package gets two for Bret and Savage charges into a boot. Bret misses a middle rope elbow and it’s off to Bravo again. Dino puts on a bearhug because this match hasn’t dragged enough already. Off to Earthquake for some high powered choking followed by an elbow drop for two. The crowd popped a bit for the kickout which is more than can be said for most of this match.

Bret finally breaks free and tags Hacksaw in again so he can slam Savage. And never mind as Bret tags back in about 15 seconds later. Bravo works over the mostly beaten Bret and Hart misses a charge, going shoulder first into the post. A shoulder breaker sets up the Savage Elbow to make it 3-1.

It’s off to Earthquake to beat on Duggan in the corner but he misses a charge and everyone comes in. Duggan throws everyone into the corner into Earthquake and the Court all bails to the floor. Savage and Bravo get clotheslined down but Earthquake jumps Duggan to take him down. A big elbow gets two on Duggan and it’s back to Bravo. Duggan avoids a charging Savage but Sherri low bridges him and it eventually draws a countout.

Rating: D+. For the life of me I don’t get why Duggan didn’t get pinned here. The ending is rather lame and it doesn’t help a match that ran WAY too long anyway. You could easily cut ten minutes out of this and no one would have missed anything at all. The match was dull outside of the moments when Bret was in there, which is something we’ll touch on more later.

Duggan chases them off with the board.

The Million Dollar Team is ready for a Thanksgiving feast in the form of the Hulkamaniacs.

Dusty Rhodes is hurt badly.

The Genius reads a poem about Thanksgiving.

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Hulkamaniacs: Hulk Hogan, Demolition, Jake Roberts

Million Dollar Team: Ted DiBiase, Zeus, Powers of Pain

Ok, so now I get to explain Zeus. Back in 1989, the WWF released a movie called No Holds Barred starring Hulk Hogan. The villain in the movie is named Zeus and you may notice he’s here. Zeus is played by an actor (not a wrestler mind you) named Tom Lister and the idea is that he’s living his character and is coming to beat Hogan up “in real life” because he lost in the movie. This would be like the guy who played Goldfinger trying to get revenge on Sean Connery. To make things even better, this was rumored to be the main event of Wrestlemania VI.

I’m sure you can see the problems mounting up already, with the main one being that Zeus doesn’t know how to wrestle. Other than that, there’s the fact that the movie barely broke even so a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story. A positive twist to this is that a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story, which probably kept the company from being laughed at more than they already were. Zeus wrestled like four matches ever, most of which were short or tag matches so he wasn’t in the ring long. WCW, the geniuses that they are, brought him back seven years later and put him in the main event of another PPV.

Anyway back to the match. The Million Dollar Team won’t let them get inside until Jake fires in the snake to chase them all away. Hogan and Demolition are the champions that you would expect them to be at this point. Zeus wants to fight Hogan one on one but their respective partners hold them both back. Jake starts with Zeus but the actor wants Hogan. They stare each other down and Hogan bounces off Zeus. Hogan pounds away but nothing hurts Zeus at all.

Instead Hulk finds the one weak spot on Zeus by raking the eyes. He slams Zeus down and amazingly enough, IT DOESN’T REALLY DO MUCH. Barbarian hits Hogan in the back of the head and Zeus twists Hogan’s neck around. He starts choking away and it’s a DQ for Zeus who is only pulled off by DiBiase and the promise of money. Just to clarify, we’re giving the Hulkamaniacs, an 80s dream team, a man advantage. Also why would DiBiase get Zeus off Hogan? Wouldn’t Hogan’s pain and agony make DiBiase happy?

It’s DiBiase vs. Hogan now and Hulk is in early trouble. DiBiase hammers away in the corner but Hulk gets a boot up to stop a charge and there’s the tag to Jake. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and it’s off to Ax who demolishes DiBiase with ease. Smash comes in and they both pound Ted down. Back to Hogan who helps Demolition with a triple team. Our hero everyone. Back to Ax with a clothesline but DiBiase elbows him down out of desperation.

Off to Warlord as these two teams are still feuding even a year later. Come to think of it there wasn’t much else in between for those guys either. The tag team division really has fallen far in just a year. A shoulder breaker puts Ax down but Barbarian misses a middle rope elbow. Back to Warlord but he gets clotheslined down almost immediately. Fuji trips Ax up and a basic elbow drop is enough to tie the score.

It’s Smash vs. Warlord now but it’s quickly off to Hogan. Hulk softens him up to bring in Jake, which Jesse calls a mismatch. That’s likely based on power but Jake is taller than Warlord. Off to Smash but Warlord pokes him in the eye to take over. Back to Barbarian whose big boot is caught but Smash misses the elbow. DiBiase comes back in to drop his falling punch for two.

It’s chinlock time with a knee in Smash’s back. DiBiase misses a middle rope back elbow of all things but Smash won’t tag for some reason. Barbarian makes a blind tag so the hot shot Smash hits on DiBiase doesn’t count and Barbarian takes his head off with a top rope clothesline for the pin. Jake comes in next but he can’t DDT Barbarian. Barbarian whips Jake into the corner with authority although I’m not sure who’s authority it was.

Back to Warlord as things slow down a lot due to exhaustion. Jake dives for a tag but DiBiase slaps Hogan to draw him in instead. DiBiase piledrives Jake but Roberts gets a foot on the ropes to Jesse’s annoyance. Barbarian misses a headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Barbarian. He cleans house and gets two on Barbarian off a big boot. A suplex gets the same and my goodness how rare is it to see Hogan get a two count? Hogan fights off both Powers of Pain but they catch him in a spike piledriver which is good for a DQ for both of them, making it Hogan/Roberts vs. DiBiase.

DiBiase drops knees on Hogan before slapping on the Million Dollar Dream. That eventually gets two arm drops and Jake makes the save. That’s actually a nice touch as it makes the hold look stronger by needing a save instead of Hogan saving himself. Hogan finally breaks the hold and punches a jumping DiBiase. Hot tag brings in the Snake for some house cleaning. Jake drives in knees on DiBiase’s head as Hogan is dying in the corner.

Here’s Virgil to interfere and take the DDT. DiBiase drops a fist on Jake and puts his feet on the ropes to steal the pin. Ted pounds on Hogan who is still reeling from the long Million Dollar Dream. Off to a chinlock and Hogan taps, which wouldn’t mean a thing for years. Hogan breaks the hold but they clothesline each other. DiBiase belly to back suplexes him and it’s Hulk Up time. You know the rest and there’s the legdrop.

Rating: C. There’s one major problem with this match: the first four minutes of this match give away the ending almost immediately. How can you give Hogan, Roberts and Demolition a man advantage that fast? I’m not saying Hogan should have lost, but the Zeus stuff could have come later in the match and worked much better. Have Zeus stand on the apron most of the match and it would have worked fine. The fans finally reacted at the end though.

Savage and Zeus are ready for their tag team cage match on PPV two days after Christmas.

Hogan and Brutus do the same. They’re facing Savage and Zeus in case that wasn’t clear. Sherri shows up and throws powder in their faces so that Savage and Zeus can jump them.

Jesse and Gorilla talk about the tag match and Jesse mentions that there’s trouble in the Heenan Family, which is code for Arn Anderson about to go back to the NWA and Tully getting busted for cocaine.

The Rude Brood is ready for Roddy’s Rowdies. These promos are pretty much the same all around.

This one however isn’t. Roddy is talking to Gene when the Bushwhackers and Snuka come up and are all holding turkey legs. Roddy says after the match they can have lunch. Then they all scream about breaking big bones.

Rude Brood vs. Roddy’s Rowdies

Rude Brood: Rick Rude, Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, Mr. Perfect

Roddy’s Rowdies: Roddy Piper, Bushwhackers, Jimmy Snuka

There’s no Heenan with Rude, which is part of the issues the Family is having. Luke (of the Bushwhackers along with partner Butch) and Perfect get things going but after a single slam it’s off to Butch who bites on Perfect’s thigh. Luke comes in and does the same and Snuka matches suit. Butch bites as well and it’s off to Snuka.

Jacques comes in as well and they stall a lot. Jacques poses so Snuka headbutts him down and follows up with a big chop. A slam puts Jacques down and it’s a Superfly Splash for a quick elimination. Rude comes in next and swivels his hips, only to get headbutted into a tag from Perfect. Rude accidentally low bridges Perfect so Snuka rams them together and the Brood is in trouble.

Off to Piper vs. Perfect and the Brood’s luck continues to go bad. Luke comes in and drops a knee before it’s off to Snuka for more shots to the head. Back to Luke for more biting and Butch beats on him a bit more. Piper comes in to face Raymond and for some reason Rougeau tries to slug it out with Piper. A superkick puts Piper down for two but he piledrives Raymond for the easy pin and it’s 4-2.

Perfect comes in with his neck snap for two and for the first time, Piper’s team is in trouble. Piper comes back with a slingshot to send Perfect into the post. Butch comes in for some basic stuff but it’s quickly back to Luke. Roddy is already back in for some rapid fire punches and now it’s Perfect in trouble. Back to Butch for more biting but he poses too long and Perfect rolls him up for the elimination.

Piper tries to steal a pin on a rollup to Perfect but it only gets two. Off to Snuka before Luke headbutts Perfect in the stomach. Rude makes a blind tag but jumps into a punch to the gut. Luke ducks his head and the Rude Awakening ties us up at two each. It’s Piper/Snuka vs. Rude/Perfect which is a heck of a midcard tag match.

Rude vs. Snuka starts the final four off and Rude swivels a bit more. Perfect comes in and taunts Piper, drawing him in so Snuka can get double teamed. Snuka finally gets in a shot to break Perfect’s momentum but Rude gets the tag before Piper can come in. Snuka grabs a quick small package for two before taking Perfect down with a flying headbutt. They hit head to head and both guys go down, followed by a double tag.

We finally get Piper vs. Rude which is the whole point of the match. Piper easily wins a slugout and backdrops Rude down. They fight to the floor and it’s a double countout, getting us down to Snuka vs. Perfect. Perfect hits a great looking dropkick to put Snuka on the floor. Back in and Snuka gets in a chop in the corner, followed by a cross body for two. The PerfectPlex out of nowhere gives Perfect the win.

Rating: C-. They did the right thing by having the tag teams get knocked out quickly because they didn’t mean anything in this at all. Other than that though there was nothing of note here. Piper and Rude were both counted out to make sure they stayed strong and Snuka didn’t mean anything at this point. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t bad or anything.

The Rude Brood celebrates and Rude says don’t worry about Heenan being gone.

The Ultimate Warriors are very fired up. Warrior’s topic of the night: organ donor cards.

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Ultimate Warriors: Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart, Rockers

Heenan Family: Andre the Giant, Arn Anderson, Haku, Bobby Heenan

Andre can barely move and it’s sad to see. Neidhart and the Rockers start before anything happens and Jim is in trouble early. Here’s Warrior, the reigning Intercontinental Champion, without any music and a big clothesline puts Andre on the floor, which draws a countout because Andre was the only Heenan Family member in the ring when the bell rang. We’ve already got the same problem the Hogan match had.

Warrior and Haku get things started for all intents and purposes but it’s quickly off to Neidhart vs. Arn. Andre (in blue instead of black) yells incoherently at the Warrior as he leaves. It’s Haku vs. Jim now with Haku in control. A superkick puts Neidhart down and eliminates him like it’s a squash match. Off to Shawn to make Haku miss him and now it’s Jannetty’s turn.

Haku tries a double clothesline but only hits Shawn. He picks up Marty but Shawn dropkicks Marty down onto Haku for a near fall. Off to Arn who tries a double suplex with Haku on Jannetty, but Shawn catches his partner in a nice move. Double superkicks put the wrestlers on the other team down and it’s off to Marty vs. Haku. Warrior gets a tag in a few seconds later and Haku immediately goes for the eyes.

Haku backs Warrior into the corner and Heenan points to Arn for the tag in a funny bit. Arn immediately gets taken down and Marty hooks an armbar. Anderson brings Marty to the corner and tags in Heenan for a single punch before it’s back to Haku. Arn knees Marty in the back and Haku superkicks him down so Heenan can drop a knee on Jannetty for the pin. You could loudly hear them calling spots on that sequence for some reason.

Warrior comes in so here’s Anderson again and he’s quickly caught in a bearhug. Haku comes in and gets one as well. Off to Shawn who gets knocked to the floor with a few shots. Shawn moonsaults out of the corner over Arn and Anderson is in trouble. Warrior and Michaels both punch Anderson at the same time and Arn backs away from Warrior. A splash from Shawn gets two and it’s back to Haku.

That doesn’t last long either as a cross body eliminates Haku to get us down to Warrior/Shawn vs. Heenan/Anderson. Heenan tries to get in some cheap shots on Shawn which draws in Warrior. Why? Was he that afraid for Shawn’s safety? Arn dumps Shawn to the floor and Heenan goes up….and then regains his sanity and climbs back down. Arn keeps asking for help from Heenan because he’s getting tired so it’s finally back to Bobby, who runs at the first sign of trouble.

Shawn rams his head into the back of Arn’s head and both guys are down. They slug it out but Shawn walks into the spinebuster (called the Anderson Drop) for the elimination. Warrior fires off some shoulders but Arn ducks and sends him to the floor. Heenan goes up again but thinks better of it again.

Off to Heenan but Warrior quickly Hulks up so we see some more Anderson. Warrior fights him off as well and whips Arn into Heenan to knock Bobby to the floor. The gorilla press and splash get us down to one on one. Warrior sneaks up on Heenan and what do you think happens here? A shoulder block and splash take care of Bobby in short order.

Rating: C-. I think it was watching the whole show before this but this was another dull match. Warrior was never in any danger and I think everyone knew it. To be fair, this would have been better with Tully out there and you can’t fault the guys for that. Heenan being in there had to turn it into a comedy match and I can’t hold that against them. Still though, another dull match in a series of them tonight.

Warrior sprints up the aisle and clotheslines Heenan as he leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There are multiple problems associated with this show. First of all, nothing here is what you would call good. The matches are all ok at best and nothing beyond that. I guess the best match would be the opener, but even that was just ok. This was a really weak time in the company as they had Hogan but he had beaten everyone already so there’s nothing for him to do.

However there’s a bigger problem with Survivor Series overall. In short, what’s the point of any of this stuff? No stories are advanced here, other than the first match there was no clean fall between the people the feuding people, and there’s nothing to build off here. Look at Hogan. If you have Hogan lose in that match with DiBiase putting him to sleep after that much of a beating, you have a new opponent for him.

Instead, we have Hogan standing tall again which is nothing new at all. That’s the problem with the first few shows other than the first one. Survivor Series went nowhere and the appeal died very quickly. That wouldn’t change until 1991 so 1990 was somehow even more boring to sit through.

Ratings Comparison:

Dream Team vs. Enforcers

Original: B-

Redo: C+

King’s Court vs. 4x4s

Original: B+

Redo: D+

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Original: D-

Redo: C

Rude Brood vs. Roddy’s Rowdies

Original: D

Redo: C-

Ultimate Warriors vs. Heenan Family

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D

Bonus Match

Original: B-

Redo: B

I think the difference here is that with the original I didn’t like it at all but with the new one I got bored by it because it just keeps going and going.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/08/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1989-includes-a-bonus-review/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

And it made me proud to be an American.  Or Canadian for like three weeks.

This was a cheap buy so why not. I met Duggan at Axxess last year and he couldn’t have been a nicer guy so it was a pretty easy choice. The book was a lot more straightforward than Holly’s but in a way that makes it more fun. Duggan is far nicer than most wrestling writers as he rarely throws anyone under the bus or says bad things about anyone, save for himself at times.

It’s an easy, fun read that took me about three days to get through and doesn’t get boring. Above all else, Duggan has an interesting take on people like the Radicalz and most modern young wrestlers: yeah they can do all kinds of moves that he could never dream of, but isn’t it interesting that he got more over by shouting HO and chanting USA while holding a board than they got by doing all those moves? It’s not about all the moves you can do, but rather about connecting with the fans in some way. If you can do that, they’ll never abandon you, but there’s always going to be someone who can do a flashier move.  The only one that got more popular than Duggan (arguably of course) was Eddie, who had a story that the fans can connect to.  Imagine that.

Duggan’s book is worth reading and can be found pretty cheap so check it out if you’re a fan of 80s/90s wrestling.

Summerslam 1989
Date: August 28, 1989
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

We’re back with another edition of the show with another tag team main event. This time it’s the now heel Savage teaming with an actor named Zeus to face Hogan and Brutus Beefcake. This isn’t even the blowoff match between the teams which makes the match even more of an odd choice. The other major match tonight is Rick Rude defending the Intercontinental Title against Ultimate Warrior, the man he stole the title from back at Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

Jesse blames Tony for having Heenan run off the air. I have no idea what he’s talking about as Heenan is on the show later tonight.

We get an intro video similar to the opening of a regular TV show with various highlights and people enjoying the warm weather.

Hart Foundation vs. Brain Busters

The Brain Busters (Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard) won the tag titles a few weeks before this show, but since the match was already signed this is non-title. Why it wasn’t changed to a title match is beyond me but there’s no way this won’t be awesome. Heenan is with the Brain Busters here, making what Jesse said even more confusing. Bret and Tully get things going with Hart going straight for the arm. Arn comes in to take Bret to the mat with a headlock, only to have Bret crank on his arm as well.

A hammerlock slam puts Arn in a cute bit before it’s off to Neidhart for some powerful cranking on the arm. The Harts change two more times and both guys get to crank on the arm before Bret puts on an armbar. Arn slips out and brings in Tully who has his own arm pulled on by Anvil. Blanchard pulls on the beard to escape but can’t hiptoss the big man over. Back to Bret for more arm work before Anvil sneaks in without a tag. It’s only cheating if you get caught remember.

Anvil completely no sells some chops to the chest and sends Tully into the buckle before bringing Bret back in. The fans are all over Heenan with a Weasel chant while Bret works on a hammerlock. Tully grabs a top wristlock but Bret bridges off the mat to escape and the Busters are sent to the outside. Back in and Bret wins a slugout with Tully but gets suckered into a chase with Blanchard making a blind tag to Arn who blasts Bret from behind.

Everything breaks down again with the Brain Busters being knocked out to the floor once again. Back in and Bret sends Tully’s face into Anvil’s boot before bringing Neidhart again. Things break down again but Bret accidentally whips Jim into the buckle to give the Busters control. Arn drives a middle rope elbow into Neidhart’s back before it’s back to Tully for a reverse chinlock. Neidhart picks him up but Tully makes another blind tag off to Anderson to block a tag.

Arn punches him down but Anvil LAUNCHES Anderson off at two. Back up and both guys collide before Bret gets in a knee to Arn’s back to give Neidhart a breather. The hot tag brings in Hart vs. Blanchard with Bret dropping the middle rope elbow for no cover. Everything breaks down for the third or fourth time tonight with Bret being whipped into Tully to put both guys down.

Arn and Jim go to the floor but Bret slingshots Jim over the top into a shoulder block to Tully. Anvil powerslams Bret onto Blanchard but Anderson hits an ax handle to Bret’s head for the pin (while covering his head so the referee doesn’t see it’s Arn in the ring because Arn Anderson is more awesome than you).

Rating: B. I could watch Arn Anderson matches all day because of stuff like that at the end. I mean, who would think of such a little thing like that at the end of a match? This was a very solid opener but again I have no idea why the titles weren’t on the line here, especially if the Busters were going to go over by pin. The Harts wouldn’t even be a factor in the title scene for another year and even then they were big underdogs.

Dusty Rhodes talks about how the man in the blue suede shoes told him he can dance better than the Honky Tonk Man. This is a bit of a step down from Hard Times.

Honky Tonk Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Dusty recently stole the Boss Man’s hat and nightstick after debuting early in the summer. We start with a dance off before Dusty takes him into the corner for a clean break. Honky bails to the floor to avoid the Bionic Elbow but comes back in for Dusty to grab his arm. Instead of driving an elbow into the shoulder though, Dusty messes with Honky’s hair to really get on his nerves. An atomic drop and the Bionic Elbow put Honky down with Dusty in full control.

Ten right hands in the corner drop Honky to the mat and it’s off to Dusty’s totally lame leg lock (meaning he stands there and turns Honky’s foot) fills in some time. Honky fires off some right hands but drops down to avoid a running Dusty. Jimmy Hart trips Dusty up and Honky just lays on the mat instead of going after Rhodes as Jimmy is stalked. Honky gets Jimmy’s megaphone for a shot to Dusty’s ribs and finally takes over with a chinlock.

It’s the long form version as we’re still in the hold about two minutes later. Dusty fights up and misses an elbow so it’s back to the chinlock. Rhodes fights up again and pounds away with right hands but Honky sends him into the referee to make this match go even further. Jimmy accidentally knocks Honky silly with the guitar and Dusty drops a big elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. Who in the world thought this deserved ten minutes should be carried into the street and shot. Between the leg lock and the WAY too long chinlock, this could have been cut in half and nothing would have been lost. Honky was fine as a jobber to the stars at this point and he would maintain that position for months to come. This was way overbooked for what it was worth, but the fans loved Dusty which is the point of the match.

Honky asks someone to help him find the stage and wants to know where Priscilla is.

Demolition and King Hacksaw Jim Duggan are ready for their six man tag against the Twin Towers (Boss Man/Akeem) and Andre the Giant.

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Perfect is still perfect at this point. They shove each other around to start until Hperfect shoves him down and hits a hiptoss. Things speed up a bit with both guys running the ropes and Perfect trying a slam. Rooster slips down the back and tries a slam of his own but can’t get Perfect up in a weird spot. Perfect sends him to the floor for a second and pounds away back inside, only to be shoved to the floor by Rooster. Perfect wins a quick slugout on the floor before going inside for the PerfectPlex and a very fast pin.

Rating: D. This was very odd with the match finishing out of nowhere after no build at all. The match had to be cut for time or maybe an injury because there’s no way this was the match they were planning. Or maybe they didn’t have time because we needed Dusty to have an even longer chinlock. These two are capable of having a far better match though and did many times.

Survivor Series is coming.

We go to Gene with Rude and Heenan in the back but the set falls down and the interview never stars. They try it again and the heels say they’ll do whatever it takes to keep the title.

The Rockers/Tito Santana vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers/Rick Martel

This should be awesome. Martel teases getting in there against Tito to start but sends Jacques in instead. As is his custom, Jacques requests a handshake but sneaks in some choking on Tito instead. The Rockers come in without tags and the good guys hit stereo dropkicks to send the French Canadians to the floor. Things settle down to Marty vs. Jacques with the latter going to the middle rope and head faking Marty, but Jannetty is faking the head fake and punches Jacques on the way down.

The advantage is short lived though as Ray Rougeau gets in a knee to the back from the apron and a kind of superkick to put Marty down. Off to Martel for right hands and some dancing followed by a cartwheel out of the corner. Marty is tired of the dancing and dropkicks Martel down but Rick runs away from the charging Tito. Instead it’s Santana putting a headlock on Ray before getting two off a clothesline.

Much like his brother did earlier, Jacques interferes for Ray and the Rougeaus take over on Santana with a double back elbow. Martel comes in to pound on the weakened Tito like a true weasel. Rick stomps away against the ropes as the fans are getting angrier and angrier at the Model. Jacques comes in again and hooks a front facelock to block the hot tag. Back to Martel but Tito fires off right hands to send the crowd into a frenzy. Jacques quickly pulls Tito’s hair to break it up but Tito gets a sunset flip for two.

Rick puts Tito down with a backbreaker and Ray hooks a Boston crab to stay on the weakened back. Back to Jacques for an abdominal stretch with a helping hand from Martel on the apron. Rick comes in again to break up another hot tag attempt and Ray stops Tito’s comeback just like Jacques did earlier. Tito hits a quick cross body for two and the Rockers finally come in to break up the interference. Ray comes in to keep Tito down but Jacques’ flying knee hits his brother, FINALLY allowing Tito to make the hot tag to Shawn.

Martel tries to hide in the corner but gets caught in a huge backdrop to send him running even further. A dropkick and a suplex put Martel down and the top rope right hand gets two as everything breaks down. Tito hits the flying forearm to send Martel to the floor and Marty rolls up Jacques, only to have Martel slide back in and blast Jannetty with a right hand, giving Jacques the pin.

Rating: B. Take six guys and two feuds, give them fifteen minutes in front of a hot crowd and witness the awesome. That’s exactly what happened here and the crowd got WAY into it, especially the Martel vs. Santana stuff. Those two just started feuding a few months before this and people were drooling to see Tito get his revenge. Really solid old school six man tag here which worked exceptionally well.

We recap Rude vs. Warrior. Rude attacked Warrior during a posedown at the Rumble before stealing the IC Title at Wrestlemania with help from Heenan. Tonight is the rematch with rude defending against a ticked off Warrior after Warrior spent months fighting through the Heenan Family. This was also used to set up Warrior vs. Andre the Giant over the winter.

Warrior rants about Andre before saying he’ll get his title back from Rude.

Intercontinental Title: Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Rude isn’t sure what to do with Warrior to start so he tries punching him in the face to no avail. A clothesline puts Rude on the apron and a sunset flip is easily blocked with a right hand to the champion’s face. Warrior easily picks him up and gorilla presses him to the floor as this is one sided so far. Rude is sent into the barricade as Jesse is losing his mind over the referee not disqualifying Warrior.

Warrior gets two off a top rope ax handle before throwing him into the corner and pounding away. A shoulder block gets two on Rude and there’s an atomic drop to crush Rude’s spine a bit more. Warrior swivels his hips but gets crotched on the top rope to Jesse’s glee. Rude pounds on the back as he did in the Wrestlemania match and gets two off a suplex. Off to a reverse chinlock with Rude dropping down onto Warrior’s back for good measure. Back up and Warrior breaks up the Rude Awakening but gets caught in a sleeper.

Warrior finally fights out with a jawbreaker but after they run the ropes a bit, Rude sends Warrior into the referee to put everyone down. It’s Rude on his feet first but Warrior starts to Hulk Up to a HUGE reaction. A big backdrop and a clothesline put Rude down followed by a powerslam but there’s no referee. Warrior hits a piledriver but the referee crawls over for two. A powerslam sets up the splash but Rude gets his knees up to slow Warrior down again.

Rude hits a kind of powerbomb (basically driving Warrior’s head into the mat) for a close two as things slow down again. Rude hits a top rope right hand to the jaw as Roddy Piper strolls down. A piledriver puts Warrior down but Piper flashes Rude, allowing Warrior to suplex him out of the corner. Warrior hits a quick shoulder block followed by the gorilla press and splash for the title and an ERUPTION from the crowd.

Rating: B. If there has ever been better chemistry between a talented guy and a guy who could barely survive against anyone else, I’m not sure where it is. Warrior looked great out there and got the win back to conclude a very well done feud. Good stuff here as this show is cooking after a somewhat weak start. That pop for Warrior pretty much gave him the world title right then and there.

Mr. Perfect says he’s perfect.

Roddy Piper laughs about costing Rude the title, setting up his first feud after returning to the ring.

Ronnie Garvin is in a tuxedo and gets to be a guest announcer tonight. Heenan comes in to interrupt him and rants about Piper coming to the ring and costing Rude the title. Rude isn’t pleased either and yells as you would expect him to.

We go to an intermission, which is just a graphic with a countdown clock until the show continues.

We recap the main event tag match. Hogan was in a movie with Tiny Lister portraying the villain. The idea of the story is that Lister’s character Zeus felt that he could beat Hogan in Hogan’s real life job so he beat up Hogan before a cage match. This would be like Harrison Ford picking a fight with Mark Hamill because of what Hamill did on the Millennium Falcon. I don’t know if we were supposed to take it seriously or not, but the main problem here is obvious: Zeus is an actor instead of a wrestler, meaning there isn’t much he can do in the ring.

Savage and Beefcake got involved to make it a tag match so Zeus didn’t fight alone. Hogan couldn’t hurt Zeus with a chair to the back but raking the eyes had an effect, giving Hogan an opening tonight. Savage was still a big deal at this point so this really was a big heel team to face Hogan and Beefcake. We get full clips of these moments as the intermission continues.

Twin Towers/Andre the Giant vs. Demolition/Jim Duggan

Duggan is King of the WWF and has his face painted like Demolition but is rocking an American flag pattern of course. Akeem starts with the King with Duggan absorbing the trash talk and pounding away on the big man before it’s off to Ax for some pounding on the arm. Smash comes in and Demolition pounds Akeem down before bringing Duggan back in to crank on the arm as well.

Akeem finally gets in a shot to Ax’s ribs and it’s off to Boss Man who is immediately pounded down by the fresh Smash. Boss Man rakes the eyes to slow Smash down but Smash rakes the eyes right back in a good bit. Ax comes in again and cranks on the arm but gets sent into the wrong corner so Andre can come in and pound away with big right hands.

Akeem comes back in but misses a slow motion splash, allowing for the hot tag back to Smash who slams Akeem down in an impressive power display. Everything breaks down and Akeem hits a bottom rope splash on Smash, but Duggan hits Akeem in the back with the 2×4 to give Smash the pin.

Rating: C. It wasn’t much of a match but for above seven and a half minutes with these six guys, this was as good as you were going to get. Duggan was about as big as he was going to get in the WWF at this point as the fans were WAY into his Hogan-Lite character. Demolition was fresh off losing the tag titles but but they were still the most popular tag team in the company. Good, fun little match here which was much better than I was expecting.

Ted DiBiase says he’ll beat Jimmy Snuka because he’s cultured and Snuka is a savage.

Greg Valentine vs. Hercules

Ronnie Garvin is guest ring announcer after being fired from being a referee. He takes a ton of shots at Valentine (“Weighing in at 249lbs…..but he looks about 30lbs heavier and wears a robe with cheap rhinestones.”) since Valentine got him suspended in the first place. Hercules jumps Valentine to start and powerslams him down for two. A quick rollup gets two for Greg before they head to the floor for nothing of note. Back in and Valentine pounds him down with some elbows but the Figure Four is broken up. Hecules suplexes him down but gets rolled up with Valentine’s feet on the ropes for the fast pin.

Rating: D. This was all about furthering Garvin vs. Valentine with the stuff before the match and a bit we’ll get to in a second. I’m no Garvin fan at all but this was an amusing angle given where you could turn your brain off and laugh at some stupid jokes for a few minutes every show. There’s nothing wrong with comic relief and having a talented guy like Valentine out there made it a bit easier to sit through.

Post match Garvin announces Hercules as the winner, which apparently is good enough to get Valentine disqualified. Like I said, this is the time to turn your brain off.

Randy Savage, Zeus and Sister Sherri gather round a cauldron and predict bad futures for Hogan, Beefcake and Liz. The late 80s were weird in case you were wondering.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka

No story here as they’re just out there to fill in a few minutes before the main event. Snuka headbutts DiBiase to the floor before the bell and avoids a charging Ted to send him into Virgil for a big crash. An atomic drop sends DiBiase to the floor and the match slows down a bit. Back in and Snuka can’t get high enough for his reverse leapfrog so he sends DiBiase into the corner to keep control. Ted goes to the eyes to get a moment’s breather but gets caught by a shoulder to put him back down.

A quick stun gun sends Snuka into the top rope and Ted can stomp away like a good 80s heel. DiBiase works on the back with knees to the spine and a backbreaker for no cover but a middle rope elbow misses. Jimmy slams Ted down and hits a middle rope headbutt but Virgil breaks up the Superfly Splash. Snuka chases him around on the floor but gets sent into the post by DiBiase for the countout.

Rating: D. Another lame match here and I’m not sure why DiBiase couldn’t get a pin. Either way, the match was there to give the fans a breather from that EPIC Hercules vs. Valentine heat before the main event. Snuka was still a fan favorite so having him out there wasn’t the worst idea in the world.

Post match Snuka hits the Superfly on Virgil.

Hogan and Beefcake talk about riding motorcycles across a river (just go with it) with Liz riding on the back of Hogan’s bike. Savage and Zeus weren’t mentioned at all.

Genius recites a poem about Summerslam, saying he thinks Zeus and Savage (his real brother) will win.

Zeus/Randy Savage vs. Brutus Beefcake/Hulk Hogan

Before we get going, Liz gets her own full entrance as the secret weapon. It’s a brawl to start but Hogan can’t hurt Zeus. He goes to the eyes but can’t slam Zeus down so the monster chokes Hulk down. Beefcake tries to dive on Zeus but gets caught in midair. Now it’s a bearhug on Hogan but here’s Savage off a tag. Why in the world would you change when you had Hogan in trouble like that? A top rope ax handle gets two for Randy and it’s off to the sleeper.

Hogan elbows out of it and hits some shoulder blocks but Zeus knees him in the back to slow him down. Back to Zeus for another bearhug which takes Hogan down to the mat for some two counts. It’s back to Savage to snap Hogan’s throat over the top rope and a suplex gets two. Savage misses some elbow drops and there’s the hot tag to Beefcake. A high knee gets two on Savage and Beefcake hooks his sleeper. Savage rams him into the middle buckle and it’s off to Zeus, but Brutus puts him in a sleeper as well.

Randy breaks up the hold with Sherri’s loaded purse but he suckers Hogan into the ring instead of covering. Hogan stops Savage from attacking Liz but Beefcake is still in big trouble. Back to Zeus for some choking on Beefcake until the referee makes the save. Savage comes back in but walks into a double clothesline to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house but Sherri trips Hulk up to give Savage control again.

The big elbow hits but Hogan is up before there’s any cover. Savage runs away and it’s time for the showdown with Zeus. Hogan pounds away and finally puts Zeus down to one knee. Liz takes out Sherri and Beefcake intercepts Savage, causing him to drop the loaded purse. Hogan blasts Zeus in the face with the purse, slams him down and drops the leg for the pin.

Rating: D+. Amazingly enough, a non-wrestler like Zeus wasn’t capable of having a good match on any size of a stage. Beefcake and Savage were just window dressing here, but in this case the window dressing carried the match for his team. Zeus was just horrible here and was basically the original promotional stunt for a wrestling movie, which never works.

Post match Liz cuts Sherri’s hair. Much posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s a lot of bad stuff here but the good matches are more than good enough to make up for the lame short ones. The crowd is VERY hot all night to lift the show even higher up which helped a lot. The main event was horrible and while the cage match that blew it off a few months later was better, this is the match that should have been the big deal. Still though, the show is worth checking out but you should fast forward a few of the matches.

Ratings Comparison

Hart Foundation vs. Brain Busters

Original: B+

Redo: B

Honky Tonk Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Original: F

Redo: D-

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Original: C+

Redo: D

Rick Martel/Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Tito Santana/Rockers

Original: B+

Redo: B

Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude

Original: A-

Redo: B

Jim Duggan/Demolition vs. Andre the Giant/Twin Towers

Original: C+

Redo: C

Hercules vs. Greg Valentine

Original: F-

Redo: D

Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D

Redo: D

Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Randy Savage/Zeus

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/23/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1989-gather-round-the-cauldron/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Starrcade 1999
Date: December 19, 1999
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 8,582
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan

We have arrived. We have reached the biggest show of the year for WCW. It’s the final pay per view of the year and the final Starrcade of the 1990s. Over the years this show has been a showcase for legends like Sting, Ric Flair, Lex Luger and Hulk Hogan. There have been great matches, moments and shows in general, many of which have been some of WCW’s best shows of all time. Now, forget everything I just said, because this is going to be one of the biggest disasters in the history of……I would say professional wrestling but that has nothing to do with what I’m about to sit through. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Scott Hudson narrated highlight package to preview the card. Up first in the package: the Revolution vs. Jim Duggan/his mystery partners. I’m pretty sure every match gets some time here, but my goodness they aren’t off to a rousing start by making me think about all of the impending disasters.

Now we get a standard opening video, focusing on the powerbomb match and then the World Title match.

Disco Inferno/Lash Leroux vs. Big Vito/Johnny the Bull

Disco lost a lot of money gambling (which I don’t think he ever paid back) to the Mafia so Don boss Tony Marinara sent Big Vito and Johnny the Bull after him. Lash helped Disco out and basically started a war against the mob, setting up this tag match. It’s also probably the match that has gotten the most build on the card. Normally I would ask why a match like this is opening the show, but the more I think about it, what else do they have?

It’s a brawl to start with Vito punching Lash down early on. A nice suplex drops Lash again and Vito nails a good looking superkick. Heenan gets in another of his lines that are open to interpretation as he wonders why the people in the back are so quiet. Off to Johnny who eats a dropkick from Lash and a clothesline from Disco for one.

Disco stomps away in the corner but Johnny sweeps the leg (because he’s the best in town) to take over. Vito scores with a hard running clothesline and Johnny’s swinging neckbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before something like a double powerbomb plants Disco again. Vito spends too much time mocking the crowd on the ropes though and hits the mat, allowing the hot tag to Lash.

Everything breaks down and the goons are dropped with clotheslines. A gorilla press drop puts Lash down but he avoids a top rope spinning legdrop. Disco hits a top rope splash for two but Vito comes off the top to break up the save (granted the really slow count made it a bit easier). Vito reverses a whip from Lash and sends him into the Last Dance from Disco by mistake, setting up Vito’s spinning DDT for the pin.

Rating: C. Totally acceptable tag match here, but I have a feeling we’ve just seen the match of the night. It’s the old power vs. speed formula which has worked for the better part of ever and worked here as well. The story made sense and was actually different for a change, but this could have been on almost any given Nitro. Still though, totally acceptable.

Post match Disco gets beaten up and thrown in the body bag, along with a bottle of ether. The mob takes him back to the parking lot and throw him in their car to take them away.

Goldberg vs. Hart is No DQ. If that was the stipulation beforehand, I haven’t heard of it.

Scott Hall is out of the US Title match due to a knee injury so Benoit is the champion.

The announcers run their mouths to fill time on a show with 13 matches. Keep in mind that this is coming after a backstage segment. Not only is it boring for the PPV audience, but it’s letting the crowd come down after a decent opener.

Cue Chris Benoit to say he doesn’t want the title this way, so it’s officially vacant. However, he’ll still have the ladder match against anyone that wants to face him for the title.

Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Evan Karagias

Evan is defending and Madusa offered sex to get this show. After she earned the shot, Evan dumped Madusa for Nitro Girl Spice, making this just another title match but with man on woman violence because Russo is obsessed with this idea. Madusa dives off the top to take out Evan and Spice before sending him into the barricade. They head inside where Evan slaps her in the face and plants her with a powerslam, only to miss a Lionsault.

Madusa dropkicks him down but gets slammed off the top. A powerbomb puts Madusa down for two so Madusa powerbombs him right back. They head outside with Evan diving onto Madusa, but Spice gets on the apron to distract the champ. It’s just a ruse for the worst low blow ever, setting up Madusa’s German suplex for the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. So not only did they have a swerve, they had only the bare bones of a match as this was nothing more than a spot fest with no flow to it. Yeah Mysterio and Guerrera would do a bunch of spots, but at least they knew how to make them exciting. This was less than four minutes long and more about the fact that Madusa is a woman. In other words, they were trying to recreate Chyna without putting in the effort of building her up in DX all those years. That’s Russo’s philosophy: just go to the end goal without putting in any of the work and then blame the fans for not caring.

On the storyline front, let’s recap what just happened to Evan: he was duped into giving Madusa the shot by the offer of sex, then Madusa won the title shot again in a triple threat, then Evan got pinned on Thunder for no apparent reason, then the other woman, who was involved in this story to distract Evan, turned on him to give Madusa the title for no reason other than to mess with Evan, who made the mistake of being a champion and going after a pretty girl who seemed interested in him. Oh and Madusa hit cheated to win the title. I’m not sure if she was the face or the heel here, but I’m sure WCW didn’t know either.

Norman Smiley is dressed up like a Washington Redskin for his match with Meng. He certainly isn’t scared and ignore the scream when the producer tries to count him out of the interview. Sudden moves like that just are not necessary when Norman is a coiled spring ready to explode! Ignore the fact that the Hardcore Title is practically identical to the ECW Title.

Hardcore Title: Meng vs. Norman Smiley

Norman the coward is defending. They throw weapons at each other to start before Meng shoves the cart full of weapons runs Norman over. It’s in the back without Norman ever making it to the ring and Norman blasts him in the head with the chair for almost no effect. Norman runs away through catering before Meng slams him through a table.

Meng throws a cinder block at his head but Norman avoids the whole death thing. Smiley dives behind some boxes to hide, allowing Finlay and Brian Knobbs to come up and beat Meng down. Well kind of as Meng no sells the chair and trashcan shots until Finlay NAILS him with a lead pipe to knock Meng silly. Norman comes out and covers to retain.

Rating: D. Norman is a guy that tries so hard but can’t get out of this hardcore nonsense. This was your standard hardcore match with Meng dominating and Norman screaming a lot but somehow escaping for the title. In other words, it’s your standard TV match being held at Starrcade because Russo doesn’t know the difference between the shows.

Meng beats up Nick Patrick for reasons.

David Flair has a gold crowbar delivered to him and seems very happy.

Oklahoma and Steve Williams are ready. There’s nothing more to this segment.

Oh wait there is, as we cut back to see the Misfits kidnap Oklahoma.

We recap Jim Duggan vs. the Revolution, which is based around the idea of the Revolution thinking they’re a sovereign nation and wanting to deface the American flag. Bringing Duggan in makes sense there, but the Powers That Be says there’s nothing to his love of America and made him a janitor because that’s funny or something.

Jim Duggan/??? vs. Revolution

It’s Asya/Saturn/Malenko/Douglas here and we have no idea who the partners are here. If Duggan wins, the Revolution has to be the janitors for 30 days, but if Duggan loses, he has to denounce America. Duggan’s partners are…..the Varsity Club, a team which hit its peak in 1988/1989. In case you’re like, young or something, it’s Rick Steiner/Kevin Sullivan/Mike Rotundo with Leia Meow (ECW’s Kimona) as their cheerleader.

Shane sits in on commentary to make it a handicap match. Dean and Duggan start things off but Saturn comes in less than ten second in. The Varsity Club gets in some cheap shots in the corner before Duggan hammers away with forearms to the back. Dean comes in again for an elbow to the face and a slam, followed by the three point clothesline for two.

Saturn gets the same off a missile dropkick as Heenan points out that Duggan hasn’t tried to tag out. Just get to the swerve we all know is coming from here. Saturn misses a middle rope splash but Dean hits Jim in the head with a flag. Everyone comes in with the Varsity Club cleaning house, including tying Asya in the Tree of Woe for Sullivan’s running knee. Then they turn on Duggan because what else were they going to do here? Shane runs in for the pin as the Varsity Club keeps beating up Saturn on the floor.

Rating: F. This is STARRCADE 1999 and they bring out the Varsity Club? If they were going for some kind of nostalgia/history thing here, they completely missed the point as the Varsity Club’s biggest moment was when they were fighting each other, assuming anyone remembered/cared about that in 1999. As it is, this is just another four minute match capped off by a beatdown to make it a Jim Duggan story. What is the mass appeal here and who thought the one thing this show needed was MORE people running around?

Shane tells Duggan he has 24 hours before he has to renounce America. They drape the Revolution flag over him, only to take it right back off.

The Misfits have Oklahoma in a shark cage to make sure he stays out of the Vampiro match.

Vampiro vs. Steve Williams

If Vampiro wins, he gets five minutes with Oklahoma. The Misfits wheel out Oklahoma in the shark cage but he has a headset on and can still do his Jim Ross jokes because…..screw the sarcasm. This whole thing is stupid. Vampiro dives off the cage to take Williams out and the brawl begins on the floor. They head inside with Oklahoma yelling at the commentators. Williams fires off a chop so Oklahoma shouts CHOP over and over.

Some three point tackles take out Vampiro’s legs followed by some chops, but Oklahoma gets bored saying chop over and over. A belly to belly superplex sends Vampiro flying but brings in the Misfits. Williams cleans house with ease and suplexes Vampiro down again. He hammers on Vampiro but shoves the referee down (how have we not had a ref bump tonight?) for a DQ, setting up Vampiro vs. Oklahoma.

Rating: D. So their solution to make us care about Vampiro is to have him get beaten up until the referee gets knocked down while Oklahoma gets to do his same joke over and over and over and over and over. I feel like iTunes on repeat (who uses records anymore?) saying this but STOP USING THE SHOW FOR YOUR OWN STUPID JOKES THAT AREN’T EVEN FUNNY IN THE FIRST PLACE!

The five minute clock starts immediately.

Oklahoma vs. Vampiro

Security gets Williams out of here as we’re still waiting on Oklahoma to get out of the cage. Oklahoma gets in after about two minutes and kicks Vampiro in the head. More slow stomps connect before Vampiro hits a single chop, only to have Oklahoma nail two straight low blows. A quick Rock Bottom drops Oklahoma and the Misfits come in for some shots, which the referee doesn’t seem to mind. The Nail in the Coffin ends this mess.

To recap, Vampiro needed the help of a punk rock band (how many of the fans actually know who they are?) to beat Oklahoma, who beat the tar out of Vampiro for most of the “match”. Again, the announcers are getting the push at the sake of someone like Vampiro, who may or may not be entertaining but he’s an actual wrestler.

Russo tells Hennig/Shane/La Parka/Creative Control that he has something big planned for tonight so he can’t quite focus on their match. Thanks for letting us know about this an hour into the show instead of building it up for a few weeks, but they probably didn’t know a few weeks ago.

Stevie Ray tells Booker he won’t have his back tonight.

Harlem Heat/Midnight vs. Curt Hennig/Creative Control

The winning tag team is #1 contenders so Hennig and Midnight are just kind of here to fill in the roster, because Heaven forbid we just have a regular tag match. My goodness there are suddenly a lot of empty seats across from the cameras. I couldn’t have missed those earlier. There’s no Stevie so it’s a handicap match with more man on woman.

Gerald stomps Booker into the corner to start before no selling a spin kick to the face. So much for this one changing the tide of the show. We look at the ladder for later and come back with Midnight in without seeing what happened in between. I’m betting Gerald lost a Canasta game and had to allow the hot tag.

It’s quickly back to Booker who gets beaten down again but quickly gets over to tag in Midnight for some dropkicks. Hennig clotheslines her out to the floor and the heels take over again. Back in and Creative Control takes over on Midnight as Hudson talks about the big events of the night: the return of the Varsity Club and Disco being thrown into a car. We get the old “referee doesn’t see the tag” spot as Stevie Ray comes out, only to be sent to the back by Booker.

Midnight gets slammed down and Patrick drops some elbows for two. He misses the middle rope elbow though and Midnight gets over for the hot tag. It doesn’t count as Nick Patrick was “talking to Stevie Ray.” That’s true, but THEY WERE LOOKING AT THE TAG. As in Nick clearly realized he wasn’t supposed to see it and you can see him try to snap his head away in time so it doesn’t look that bad but it doesn’t work. Hennig sneaks in with a foreign object to knock Booker silly for the pin and a delayed bell.

Rating: D. As usual, this was an angle disguised as a match. On top of the match being boring for the most part and yet another woman being in there for the sake of being in there (Midnight was fine but the announcers spent the whole match talking about how awesome it was to have a woman in there, which just puts more attention on the fact that she’s nothing special), the gaffes like Nick seeing the tag made this a huge mess. Above all else though, I just do not care because I haven’t been given a reason to care. These people are just characters with little development so it’s really hard to get interested.

We recap Jarrett vs. Rhodes. Basically Dustin returned as something resembling a child abductor but he decided he wanted to be Dustin Rhodes because THAT has such a great track record for him. Jeff thought it was funny that Dustin’s dad got fired so the feud began again and of course it turned into a bunkhouse match to make it about cowboys and hardcore.

Dustin, wearing a Dusty Rhodes shirt, talks about the match but Jeff jumps him to start.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Dustin Rhodes

Jarrett runs Dustin’s knee over with a wheelbarrow and hits him in the throat with a kendo stick. They slam each other into the wheelbarrow before heading inside for the first time with Jeff taking a cowbell to the head. Well you knew the bullrope and cowbell were going to be involved somehow. Some bell shots knock Jarrett onto the announcers’ table but hitting him in the head with a metal bell doesn’t sound as good as throwing powder in Jeff’s face.

Dustin pulls out a whip and nails both Jarrett and the referee before duct taping the referee to the ropes. Jeff shrugs off a shot with some chaps (you think I care enough to react to that at this point?) and kicks Dustin low as Curt Hennig comes out to untape the referee. We hit the sleeper as Jarrett tries to make this wrestling for reasons I don’t understand.

Dustin finally suplexes his way out and gets two off a Boss Man Slam. Shattered Dreams connects but Hennig pulls the referee out at two. That earns Curt some Shattered Dreams of his own and all three head up to the entrance. Dustin plants Hennig with a bulldog but Jeff climbs the ladder and blasts him with a guitar for the pin.

Rating: D. Ok. What else do you want me to say here? Two guys who are feuding over someone not even working for this promotion anymore had a long (by this show’s standards) match and the heel had someone else come in to basically make it a handicap match. The good guy fought back and then the two beat him without anything overly interesting happening.

Jeff Jarrett continues to not by over but gets pushed to the moon (dig that huge win over DUSTIN RHODES!) because he beat up a woman in the WWF. These guys weren’t really putting in a ton of effort though and it’s clear that no one has anything special without some kind of character behind them. It’s just two old school style guys having a boring match and that’s not something I want to watch for eleven minutes.

David Flair makes the headless teddy bear stroke the golden crowbar. Somehow, there isn’t a single bit of innuendo in that entire sentence. Why David is wearing a Halloween Havoc shirt isn’t clear.

Page says his hands will have a crowbar in them tonight and then those same hands will give Flair a bang.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Flair

IT’S A CROWBAR ON A POLE MATCH!!! This is like Russo’s hit parade if I had to pay $30 to see it. This match is due to David stalking Kimberly after Kimberly slept with Ric Flair instead of David. So yeah, we have sex, insanity, illogical stories and a thing on a pole. Like I said, the hit parade rolls on. The crowbar is pitifully low as anyone of average height could reach it from the mat.

David sneaks up from behind with the gold crowbar (different from the one on the pole) but Little Naitch (who should be in David’s corner in theory) takes it away, because even if you’re insane and carrying a crowbar, you MUST follow the rules! The referee checks on Page and says the match will be a forfeit, but Page shoves Penzer away and wants to go.

We get the opening bell and David hammers away because how else was this going to be competitive? David counters a sunset flip and punches Page in the face for two. A clothesline gets the same as we’re still waiting on any attempt at the crowbar. Flair hits a low blow and puts on a Figure Four but Page turns it over for the break. Flair gets the crowbar, misses a swing and eats the Diamond Cutter for the pin.

Rating: F. Remember when Chris Jericho would lose and then go insane and beat the post with a chair? That’s how I feel here. There was no reason for this to be on pay per view or for this to be a gimmick match other than to make the match more believable. In other words, they can’t have a good match without making it a gimmick and the match can’t be good because it’s a gimmick. Who other than Vince Russo could book a sub four minute match into a paradox while almost completely ignoring the gimmick that causes the paradox in the first place?

Page gives him a middle rope Diamond Cutter post match and it about to hit him with the crowbar but the yet to be named Daffney runs in to cover Flair up. Page leaves instead of hit the crazy chick.

Heenan wants a beer. I don’t drink but can someone get me a hammer to crush my own skull?

We recap Luger vs. Sting, which has seen Luger treat Liz like garbage (more anti-women fetish material for Russo), which sent her running off for Sting to help him. At the same time, Luger “inadvertently” cost Sting some matches and kept trying to make it up to him, only making it worse in the process. Their match tonight is for Liz’s freedom, which she totally and completely wants of course.

Total Package vs. Sting

In the back, Sting gives Liz “super high octane” mace. The STEROIDS chant begins and Luger quickly sends Sting outside. Some whips into the barricade have Sting in more trouble before some elbows get two. Sting no sells a ram into the buckle and Luger gets caught between slaps from Sting and Liz. A double clothesline puts both of them down because of those two and a half DEVASTATING minutes of action.

Liz comes in to check on Luger and sprays the mace at Sting, but it’s silly string because Sting actually outsmarted someone!!!!! Even the announcers acknowledge how shocking this is. Sting makes his comeback and hits a top rope splash for two. A pair of regular Stinger Splashes look to set up the Deathlock but Liz comes in with the ball bat for a very loud sounding shot to the jaw for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I’m upgrading this because of the bat shot and the string. Other than that, this was a big mess with the whole thing not even breaking six minutes despite it being one of the bigger matches on the card. This changes nothing as Liz is freed from Luger but apparently wants to stay with him, making this whole thing a big waste of time. Imagine that.

Luger Pillmanizes Sting’s arm post match. Remember two years ago when Sting was in the biggest match in WCW history? How was that just two years ago?

To recap, that was the tenth match of the show and, assuming you count Madusa as a heel, the third match where the heel didn’t either win or get the last laugh after the match. Those three are Vampiro and the Misfits beating up Oklahoma (who dominated the “match”), Page over David Flair and Norman Smiley over Meng where Norman was treated like a goon all match. Is there any doubt why so many fans are leaving their seats halfway through the show?

We recap Sid vs. Nash in the powerbomb match. I’ve watched the shows setting this match up and now I’ve watched the video and I’m still not exactly sure why they’re fighting. They’ve fought a few times but I’m not sure why they started in the first place. Again though, I doubt WCW does either other than “hey, they’re both big!”

Sid Vicious vs. Kevin Nash

You win by using a powerbomb instead of a pin or a submission because we just couldn’t have either guy do a real job for the sake of…..probably some legal deal actually. Nash takes over to start and hits the framed elbow and a side slam for two. A low blow breaks up Sid’s powerbomb attempt and it’s time to go outside so they don’t have to wrestle. Sid hits him in the back with a chair but stops to tell the fans to shut up. Good grief dude at least know what you’re supposed to be doing out there. Back in and Sid tries to start a powerbomb chant but the fans are mostly silent. Well to be fair that’s what Sid wanted.

The referee FINALLY GETS BUMPED, right before Sid hits a powerbomb. Cue Jeff Jarrett with a guitar to knock Sid out cold. The referee slowly gets up and Nash loads up a powerbomb but his back is out. Now the referee turns around as Nash is holding his back and Sid is down. Nash: “Yeah I powerbombed him.” Referee: “WELL OK THEN!” Nash wins. Scott Hudson: “I refuse to refer to Nash as the master of the powerbomb!” Oh dang man. No Scott Hudson endorsement? This is a sham of a reign as powerbomb master!

Rating: F. Failure, freaking stupid, for the love of all things good and holy, for goodness’ sake, fire them both. Pick any two and that’s what the F stands for here. I actually had to get up and walk around for a bit before I started talking about this. They somehow booked a match built around one finisher and then they couldn’t even do that finish because Nash didn’t want to do the powerbomb.

From a kayfabe perspective, how freaking horrible do the referees in this company look? Ranging from staying down for five minutes off a single shot to not being able to see a tag literally three feet in front of them to saying “yeah, sure I’ll believe you when you say you powerbombed him. You would never lie”, these are the worst referees I’ve ever seen. Oh and then there’s Roddy Piper who has a young boy doing his work for him and who hears voices in his head. I would do a Randy Orton joke there but Orton is too good for this show.

Benoit says the open challenge is still, uh, open.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. ???

Ladder match and the title is officially vacant coming in The mystery opponent is……Jeff Jarrett, because why have two Jarrett segments when you can have three??? And my goodness did he change from jeans to gear in a hurry. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Benoit chopping Jeff into the ring. Something like an Irish Curse drops Jarrett and a superplex allows Benoit to go get the first ladder.

Jarrett gets up and hits a baseball slide to drive the ladder into Benoit, but Chris whips him into the ladder in the corner a few times to take over again. Benoit gets crotched against the ladder for something like a Russian legsweep out of the corner. Chris is busted open but still able to tie Jeff in the Tree of Woe in the standing ladder, only to find out that it’s hard to climb a ladder with someone hanging from the other side.

Both guys go up until Jarrett gets knocked down, followed by both guys going up and getting knocked over for nice crashes. In the best spot of the match, Benoit goes up but Jarrett dropkicks the ladder out from underneath him, sending Benoit down for a huge crash. Benoit is up first and dropkicks the ladder onto Jarrett but Benoit would rather drop a Swan Dive off the top of the ladder instead of grab the belt. Now he goes up and gets the belt for the win.

Rating: B. That might be high but anything above horrible would be ten times better than everything else on this show. Best match of the night here by about 19,000 years and naturally it only has ten minutes because we needed to give Oklahoma two matches and have the really stupid David Flair match instead of giving this another eight minutes. There isn’t much to say here other than the guys were doing big spots and making them look good. In other words, the polar opposite of everything else tonight.

We recap Goldberg vs. Hart, which started over Hart wanting to give Goldberg a title shot, and then became an Outsiders story involving the Tag Team Titles. Other than a few one off promos, these two have barely addressed each other.

Bret says he’s winning whether Goldberg likes it or not.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Goldberg

No DQ and there must be a winner with Bret defending. Instead of asking if we’re ready to rumble, Buffer tells us we’re ready because the fans would probably boo such a question out of the building for making this last even longer. You know how most of the time at Wrestlemania the main event eats up like 40 minutes? The bell here rings with just over thirteen minutes to go in the show. For some reason it would feel wrong if the main event of the biggest show of the year had more time than that.

They shake hands and we’re ready to go. Goldberg shoves him down out of a lockup to start but Bret takes him down with a headlock. That goes nowhere so Goldberg gorilla presses him into a powerslam for two. Goldberg tries that rolling leglock but Bret turns it into an early Sharpshooter attempt as only he could do. They fight outside with the referee getting bumped. It’s not even a big deal at this point.

Robinson comes out as a replacement and an overly excited (and likely drunk) fan is dancing badly in the front row. A big boot puts Hart down back inside but Robinson gets bumped on a hiptoss. Goldberg spears the turnbuckle as the third referee comes down to see Bret put on the Figure Four around the post. Back in and Bret starts in on the leg and puts on a regular Figure Four. The turn sends Bret running for the ropes so he wraps the leg around the middle rope in the corner.

Goldberg reverses and hammers away but referee number three goes down. There’s the Bret Killer superkick to set up the spear but a dejected Roddy Piper comes out to be the fourth referee. Bret, apparently having shrugged off the spear kicks Goldberg in the knee and MONTREAL STRIKES AGAIN as Piper calls for the bell before Bret turns the Sharpshooter over. Hudson: “NOT MONTREAL ALL OVER AGAIN!” Yes it’s Montreal all over again, because THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING THEY COULD POSSIBLY DO!

Rating: D-. The match was watchable but between the whole ending Bret Hart’s career and going back to a fake Montreal over two years later with Bret on the good end this time is one of the worst possible ideas they could have come up with. If you want Bret to keep the title on a screwjob then have someone lay Goldberg out from behind or whatever, but good night don’t do it like this. I mean, if this is the best they can think of, just close the doors now because Russo is clearly not what he’s cracked up to be (oh gee what an understatement) and they need to find ANYONE else to give the reigns over to immediately.

Piper hands Bret the belt and walks off to end the show.

Overall Rating: No. No no, no no no, no no, no no. This is flat out not acceptable as the biggest show of the year for any promotion, or as a show for any serious promotion actually. Where in the world do I even start? Well let’s start at the ending actually, as the main event was the longest match of the night at 12:07. This past week’s episode of Raw had two matches longer than that and that’s a run of the mill TV show.

Above all else, this felt like it could be any given filler pay per view where they’re not trying. I know WCW had mixed feelings about how big of a deal Starrcade really was, but at least they would usually give lip service to the fact that it’s the biggest night of the year. This felt like Fall Brawl or Uncensored instead of Starrcade and that’s a feeling that you can’t shake off no matter what.

Starrcade 1999 was Vince Russo with time to come up with his best possible ideas. Somehow he’s managed to produce the one of the worst Wrestlemanias and the one of the worst Starrcades of all time, IN THE SAME YEAR. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do that in the span of about nine months? So much of this can be blamed on the writing and booking too. When you have thirteen matches in a show that runs less than two hours and forty five minutes, there’s very little the wrestlers can do to make the thing work.

The Mamalukes vs. Disco/Lash was the best match of the night until Chris Benoit and a ladder took their top spot. That’s almost inconceivable that a totally average tag match was as good as this show could do for about 80% of the card. These stories are thrown together with no real rhyme or reason to most of them and at some point the fans just gave up. Yeah, it worked back in the WWF in 1999, but it’s the same argument made about TNA now: why would I want to watch a lite version of the same stories with lesser and older talent doing the work?

There comes a point where you have to show your audience some respect or they’re going to turn on you. That’s where Russo doesn’t get the point: he thinks the fans are going to follow whatever he does because they’re watching a wrestling show and therefore aren’t that smart. That means he can throw some big series of swerves at us and expect us to just go with it with an explanation of “YOU DIDN’T SEE IT COMING!” and then somehow blame us for not getting it. I know this is rambling but after watching this disaster there’s no way to have any sort of coherent thought process.

It’s just one big surprise after another, but the problem is you can start to see the surprises coming about half an hour into the show. If you train your audience to expect a big swerve, it stops being a swerve and becomes part of the plot. Piper coming out at the end of the big swerve would have worked better if we didn’t have so many people turning on each other or one big surprise after another for two and a half hours leading up to it.

It doesn’t help that Piper is a legend and hasn’t had a good match in about seven years at this point but he’s being featured as a major plot point for a story that people don’t care about. The build for this show didn’t make me want to see it and then the show itself was horrible, making me have no desire to keep tuning in.

What is there that’s left untied here? Nash wins to show Sid is worthless, Hall is probably going to come back and take the title from Benoit, and we get to see more Jeff Jarrett. The big cliffhanger here is “WHY DID PIPER SCREW BRET???” If that’s the big question going into Nitro tomorrow, I have zero desire to keep watching this promotion, but I’m sure it’s my fault for not supporting Russo like he deserves for putting on all this EXCITING TV for me. Total disaster of a show and more like hitting a rock wall instead of starting some new chapter in the company’s history as the year is coming to a close.

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And it was pretty fun.

The movie has some big names in it like Kurt Angle, Roddy Piper, Shane Douglas, Jim Duggan and Matt Hardy and it’s EXACTLY what the title sounds like. It’s made well enough to get by and there are enough funny lines (“I’m an icon! Just ask Hogan!”) to make you chuckle a few times. They keep it short at 90 minutes (84 without credits) and it’s a good time. They don’t try to make it anything more than what it should be and that’s the way to go. Check it out if you get the chance.

Thunder
Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Kevin Nash, Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko

Now we’re getting close to the end of an era for WCW, and there’s something special on this show. From what I understand, Kevin Nash is on his last night as the booker and is going to be sitting in on commentary tonight. This could range anywhere from absolutely hilarious to the biggest disaster since…..well probably since Fall Brawl actually. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

At least the show is live tonight so it only mostly sucks instead of completely sucking.

Tenay and Zbyszko don’t have an explanation for why Nash is there. His justification: he’s booked himself into a retirement angle so WCW is putting him in the booth to recoup some of his money. He hasn’t seen Hall since Hall left with two girls for sushi on Monday. Oh yeah this is going to be REALLY good.

Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker vs. Jim Duggan

During the entrances, the announcers aren’t sure if Goldberg vs. Sid is still on for Halloween Havoc. Normally the response would be “oh of course it is” but this is WCW so you never can tell. It’s a smart move to start this show with a former Mid-South star in Duggan. The fans chant USA as Duggan shoots at Parker with the board. That would be a different kind of shooting than Nash will likely be doing tonight. A right hand knocks Parker out to the floor and the brawl heads outside. Nash thinks Buddy should grab the board. That’s not a bad idea actually.

Parker stomps away and rakes the eyes back inside. He even avoids a charge in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Nash: “Use the board!” Duggan fights up with his wide variety of right hands, which thankfully are no longer taped. The three point clothesline and the Old Glory knee drop are enough for the pin. Nash: “Tenay where do you come up with the names for these names?”

Rating: D. I’m not sure what else you would expect out of this match. Parker was a jobber about ten years before this and is still at about the same level here. There wasn’t much to see, or unfortunately hear, in this one with the only funny line coming after the match with Nash asking where the Old Glory name came from.

Lash Leroux vs. Al Greene

Nash sings Al Green songs and brings up the two of them being old tag partners. More smart booking with Leroux in there, even though Nash shows a strange obsession with his sideburns. Lash punches out of a gorilla press and dances a bit before clotheslining Greene out to the floor. Tenay brings up Leroux challenging for the Cruiserweight Title at Halloween Havoc before Lash sends him into the buckle. Al catches him out of the air in a powerslam for two but Lash shrugs it off and hits Whiplash for the pin. Basically a squash and even Lash points at his sideburns. Oh they’re shaped like L’s. That’s…..well that’s something.

Video on the First Family vs. Harlem Heat. That’s something as well, but it’s something very, very bad.

Here are Luger and Elizabeth with something to say. Tenay announces Buff Bagwell vs. “The Package” next week like he’s announcing the main event of Starrcade. Luger talks about being in this business for thirteen years and thinks it’s ridiculous that they have to come to a town like Baton Rouge. The fans will have to shut up if they want him to talk. Nash: “He’s so smarmy!”

Luger asks Elizabeth how many internet emails, cards…..and then he trails off to yell at the fans about how awesome he is. Luger blames the fans for the death of Lex Luger because his greatness won’t be appreciated until he’s gone. Nash: “Does he use the Old Glory torture rack?” No one sent him any cards while he was recovering from his biceps injury because the fans want to climb over him to get to the top.

Cue Buff Bagwell who says he tried to get in touch with Luger while he was on the shelf and Luger seems to have forgotten some of his friends. Speaking of friends, what has been going on with Luger and Sting? Bagwell followed the two of them down the roads and learned a lot from them, but now they’ve turned their backs on everyone. Luger thinks Bagwell should get on his hands and knees to thank him for everything he’s done for Bagwell over the years. Cue Rick Steiner (Nash: “Submarine attack!”) but, I kid you not, La Parka comes out to make the save. Nash thinks Luger is terrified of skeletons.

Video on Kidman seeming to have hooked up with Torrie, who has blown David Flair off. David hasn’t helped his case by getting beaten up by Hennig and Curly Bill.

Tenay asks Nash about the girls that sit with Hall and Nash. Nash sings about Torrie in response and asks where this week’s road report is.

Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Armstrong/Steve Armstrong

Knobbs pounds Steve into the corner to start but walks into a nice dropkick. It’s off to Morrus (kind of a noteworthy person at the time this is being written. Five years from now, that likely won’t mean much) vs. Steve with the Armstrong getting dropped on his face out of a gorilla press. A double shoulder drops Steve as Nash brings up Bull Nakano as Morrus’ hairdresser.

Jimmy Hart’s distraction allows the First Family to get in some double teaming. Can we get a look at the second family? They have to be more interesting. Steve gets splashed in the corner a few times and Morrus stomps away again. He misses a top rope elbow though and Steve (who looks like a more muscular Lodi) makes the hot tag to Scott. Everything breaks down and Knobbs runs Scott over, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin.

Rating: D-. The Filthy Animals and the Revolution are busy fighting each other but these guys are getting a pay per view title shot and a feud with a top level team like Harlem Heat. That shows you the value of having friends in high places, which doesn’t mean anything good for the fans but it means great things for Knobbs.

Post match Knobbs says Harlem Heat are the “fruit booties” now, so here come the champs to clean house. Nash: “That’s Wesley Snipes! Nah it’s just Booker T.” Ray wants to fight the, and I quote, “Doughnut eating, milk drinking fruit booties” right now. I would ask what that means, but I don’t think I’m old enough to hear the explanation.

We recap Mysterio vs. Saturn, triggering the implosion of the Revolution. Tenay suggests renaming Shane to Chain Douglas. Actually I’ve heard worse ideas.

Now we get to the good stuff, as Nash has put together a video on Sid vs. Goldberg, complete with an over the top NFL Films style narration. Sid shouts about Goldberg not being able to touch him and how good it will feel at Halloween Havoc. Nash: “We don’t know that yet because we haven’t touched.”

We look at Goldberg beating up Horace but Nash stops doing commentary to celebrate making it onto the hard camera in the front row. Nash: “Goldberg! A force! A bald man…..with a tattoo…..who has only lost once……to Kevin Nash!” Tenay: “Did you ever work for NFL Films?” Nash: “Goldberg, standing in the tundra of Lambeau Field…..and here’s Sid. 6’10, 200….300….400…..no 597lbs of menacing steel!”

Larry is begging for Nash’s “water” as we see Steiner and Sid beating up Van Hammer. Nash points out that the referee, while bald, is in fact, not Goldberg. Nash wants to know why Rick Steiner is from Detroit but talks like a southern redneck. We jump ahead to the main event where Goldberg came out to fight Steiner and Sid. Nash: “Goldberg ponders the situation, looks from side to side, walks away, winks, and SOME TACKLE! WHAT DOES MONDAY BRING US???”

This was one of the funniest and most entertaining things I’ve ever seen on Thunder and I can’t imagine it being topped later on. Here’s the key to comedy, especially in wrestling: you can’t script it down to the letter. This was Nash riffing on a pretty basic recap package and being entertaining because Kevin Nash is a funny guy and can turn something simple into something funny. You can’t just hand someone a script and tell them to do comedy.

Imagine someone like Lance Storm trying to do this. It would bomb as he just doesn’t have that kind of personality and probably wouldn’t be able to make it funny. Great talkers can read the phone book and make if funny but if you have someone not geared towards comedy reading material that isn’t very funny, it’s usually going to fail miserably. This on the other hand was hilarious and something that a written recap doesn’t do justice.

Horace Hogan vs. Brian Adams

I don’t see this being as entertaining. Nash accuses Shane Douglas of dragging Saturn down as the announcers are already ignoring the match. Apparently Malenko and Benoit have taken a trip to Japan to perform. Well that might be better for them instead of getting beaten up by Sid and Steiner again. Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as Nash finally starts talking about the match. Horace fights back with a DDT and a low blow (Nash: “The Old Glory mule kick!”) and they head outside.

Nash thinks Luger is scared to come out here because of the skeletons on Adams’ pants and promises to put a package together on Luger for next week. Tenay: “Please not again.” I would say it has to be more entertaining than this match, but so would a bad toe infection. Horace scores with a backdrop but gets caught in a backbreaker. Nash gives us some trivia: this was originally a hair vs. hair match. With the fans dying in front of their eyes, Adams hits a horrible looking piledriver for the pin.

Rating: D-. You remember a few minutes ago when I talked about people needing to stick to what they’re good at? I’d advise Horace to stick to something other than wrestling as he really isn’t very talented in that field. This is the kind of match that gives Thunder a bad reputation. It was sloppy, ignored by the commentators and didn’t need to exist. Adams would be better suited as a bodyguard for some punk heel. Bad match if that wasn’t clear.

Video on Sting vs. Hogan.

Here’s Lash Leroux for a chat. Tenay: “He gets promo time as well!” Leroux says people didn’t take him seriously when he got here, but a Cajun knows how to add a little spice to things. All the Lash Lovers are here and they’ll be in Lash Vegas to see him take the title. Lash insists that he can dance but thankfully doesn’t demonstrate. Nash: “If you can dance and play the accordion in Louisiana, you’re going to get lucky tonight.” I’ve heard worse promos, though it was pretty much one note.

Berlyn vs. Brad Armstrong video. I really hope this winds up being revealed as a big rib.

After a commercial for WCW action figures, Nash wants to know why he’s doing a job in the ad. I’m sure 99% of the fans had no idea what he was talking about here but my goodness it’s making this easier to sit through.

Prince Iaukea vs. Berlyn

This would be the Column B to go with Nash’s Column A stuff. Tonight it’s Steiner/Luger vs. Bagwell/La Parka. Nash: “GET OUT! NO WAY!” That would again be Column B. Nash says it’s a result of half the roster being gone today so they had to book this on the fly. Tenay: “Welcome to this all shoot edition of Thunder.” Iaukea jumps over the referee and dropkicks Berlyn down before hitting a Thesz Press and right hands.

Berlyn gets in some cheap shots to take over as Nash talks about a variety wrestling show airing on TBS, hosted by himself and Hall. Saturday Night Titans? He needs to move on because he’s too old to bump at this point. Iaukea fights back but gets poked in the eye. Nash: “Little shortcutsky there. Oh wait he’s German. Achen-shortcutsken.” An Angle Slam is called a Samoan drop (Nash: “Old Glory Samoan drop”) and gets two for Iaukea but Berlyn grabs a quick suplex. The bodyguard gets in a cheap shot and Berlyn’s neckbreaker is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Kevin Nash is carrying this show on his back and I’m having a great time listening to him. The wrestling has ranged from bad to horrible but he’s made the matches fly by with these jokes here and there. Berlyn and Iaukea are nothing in the ring but the bodyguard continues to look like a potential star. Or at least a very tall one.

Video on Meng, which I believe is the same one from Monday. Ignore the WCW Hotline phone number, or at least the bottom half of it, appearing at the top of the video.

Luther Biggs vs. Meng

Oh Nash is going to have a field day here. Larry is scared of seeing the worst student if Biggs is the best. Nash compliments Meng’s hair. That’s certainly in his ballpark. He also wonders why you never see Meng and Barry White in the same place at the same time. Meng jumps him to start and the beating is on in the corner. Biggs’ offense has almost no effect and the Death Grip ends this quick.

Coach Stern tries to come in for a save but gets Death Gripped as well. Nash: “You should know you’re never going to win after a sweet video package like that.”

Perry Saturn vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rematch from Monday when Shane Douglas interfered. Mysterio now has some cool rotating pyro. As the announcers talk about the Halloween Havoc card, Nash brings up Mean Gene’s Burgers. I have to find one of those places someday. Saturn takes him down and hammers away to start before Rey flips out of a German suplex attempt.

Rey gets launched face first onto the top turnbuckle but avoids a charge and hits the Bronco Buster. Oh sorry the Rough Rider. Nash: “The Old Glory Rough Rider!” Even Nash is cracking up at the running joke. Saturn suplexes Rey with ease with a t-bone and a big belly to belly. Nash: “That was a porterhouse!” Saturn cranks on the arm as Nash talks about the Old Glory Living Legend.

Back up and Rey dropkicks the knee out, only to get caught in an overhead belly to belly. Larry: “Old Glory suplex?” Nash correctly identifies a full nelson and Larry is stunned. A rollup gets two for Rey but he tries a headscissors out of the corner and gets dropped face first on the mat. Rey’s top rope hurricanrana is countered with a superbomb for two but his victory roll is enough for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C. The match was decent enough but Nash’s commentary actually gets distracting after a bit. It’s funny, but this was one of the only decent matches all night and I was too busy chuckling at Nash’s lines to get into it. Granted when you can make Tenay and Zbyszko entertaining, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Saturn pulls out a chain, lays out Mysterio and throws the referee to the floor. He adds in the Old Glory elbow drop and the Rings of Saturn for good measure.

Rick Steiner/Total Package vs. La Parka/Buff Bagwell

This has to be a rib from Nash. I mean, it HAS to be. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with La Parka putting up a better fight against Steiner than almost anyone else has in months. His reward is a hard whip into the barricade but at least he tried. Steiner hammers away on the floor as Bagwell chokes Luger against the barricade. They get inside for the first time with Steiner nailing La Parka with the chair. Nash: “And the Old Glory choke on the outside!”

We settle down to Steiner vs. La Parka (which I believe is Spanish for “what the heck am I doing here?”) with Rick cranking on the arm. Off to Luger for a suplex for two but La Parka comes back with a middle rope dropkick. Steiner shoves La Parka into the corner for the tag to Bagwell as everything breaks down. La Parka gets in the way of a Blockbuster attempt, so Bagwell gives him the Blockbuster instead, allowing Steiner and Luger to stomp La Parka for…..the no contest to end the show.

Rating: F. Nash tried but was more subdued here and there was nothing he could do with this one. The ending didn’t make sense but I’m sure this is going to lead to something else next week. Now I never said it was going to make sense or be connected to what we saw here but I’m sure it’s going to lead somewhere.

Overall Rating: B. This show was a blast. I know Kevin Nash gets a lot of flack from fans, but he made this horrible show into something interesting and entertaining for two hours. That alone makes him into something better than most of the people on this show, who haven’t entertained me that much over the last few months. This is another show that barely matters as the writers are changing in the very near future, so at least it was a fun show to go out on.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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