Smackdown – July 8, 2022: What A Bad Show

Smackdown
Date: July 8, 2022
Location: Dickie’s Arena, Fort Worth, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

We’re done with Money In The Bank and have just over three weeks before Summerslam, but because this is WWE, we need to build towards Clash At The Castle too. This week will feature Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus for the shot at Roman Reigns at the show in Wales in September. Let’s get to it.

Here is Money In The Bank if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Theory losing the US Title but then becoming Mr. Money In The Bank later in the night.

Here is the Bloodline to get things going. After their full entrance, Theory pops up on the stage, with Cole asking if he’s going to cash in Money In The Bank now. No Cole, he isn’t. After a break (meaning nothing of note has happened in nearly fifteen minutes on the air), Roman Reigns talks about how happy he is to be here, including saying that he’s hearing some mixed reactions from the fans.

As long as God wakes him up every day, he can handle anything. Now he’s here and seeing the Usos and his Special Counsel….and the Counsel looks like this. Heyman looks terrified but Reigns says it’s ok, even as he hands Heyman the microphone and asks what’s wrong. Heyman says that he loves his Tribal Chief but the problem is Brock Lesnar.

We hear about the things that Lesnar has done over the years and Heyman is worried that we’re going to have to see the savage Reigns. Putting Lesnar down for ten seconds in Lesnar’s final title shot is going to be near impossible and Reigns is going to have to do everything he can. Heyman believes in him and takes a knee, but here is Theory (who left the arena and is now coming back) to take a lap around the ring. And nothing else. This was every Reigns vs. Lesnar promo you’ve ever heard warmed up in the microwave with WWE hoping there is a bit of flavor left in it.

Video on the Viking Raiders.

Viking Raiders vs. Jinder Mahal/Shanky

Gee, I wonder if Shanky is going to dance and Jinder will get in trouble because of it. The bell rings and Shanky goes to the floor to dance, leaving Jinder to get beaten down and hit with the powerbomb for the fast pin at 1:08.

Post match the Vikings beat up Jinder again but New Day comes out. Yes the Vikings have beaten them up in recent weeks, but those were unsanctioned beatings. Therefore, New Day has cards for OFFICIAL A** BEATINGS and charges the ring. The brawl is on with New Day being destroyed in short order.

We look back at Happy Corbin jumping Pat McAfee and beating him down after Money In The Bank went off the air.

Here is Gunther for an Intercontinental Title open challenge. Ludvig Kaiser doesn’t think there is anyone worthy of this shot while Gunther says it is foolish to defend a title against someone when you don’t know they’re coming. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura to say that if Gunther isn’t ready, he’ll face Kaiser. Of note: Happy Corbin is on commentary to prove he can do what Pat McAfee can do. As Nakamura comes out, Corbin and Graves get on the announcers’ table to play their air guitars as Cole looks like he’s ready to jump off a building.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Ludvig Kaiser

Nakamura takes him down but goes to yell at Gunther, allowing Kaiser to get in a cheap shot as we take a break thirty seconds in. Back with Nakamura kicking Kaiser down as Corbin talks about football. Kinshasa finishes for Nakamura at 5:35. Nowhere near enough shown to rate but this should set up the Summerslam title match.

Post match Nakamura leaves and Gunther yells at Kaiser, who gets chopped as punishment.

We recap Liv Morgan’s wild ride at Money In The Bank, resulting in her winning the Smackdown Women’s Title.

Here is Liv Morgan for a chat with Michael Cole, but first we get the YOU DESERVE IT. Morgan is rather emotional and talks about how she is going to fight to keep the title. Cue Natalya to interrupt and says she wants the title but Ronda Rousey (limping badly) interrupts as well. After sounding like she forgot where we are, she offers to kick the “credit” (yes credit) out of Natalya. That earns her a cheap shot but Natalya gets chased off as we take a break.

Ronda Rousey vs. Natalya

Rousey is in what passes for street clothes and kicks Natalya outside. Natalya teases limping out but Rousey is right back to kick her in the leg. The ankle lock on the apron sets up an ankle lock in the ring to make Natalya tap at 2:18. What in the world was the point of that?

Here is Max Dupree to introduce his Maximum Male Models tennis collection, with Mace and Mansoor modeling the gear and Dupree listing off various descriptions. And yes, they are taking applications.

We look at Theory taking a lap around the ring earlier.

Theory is ready to cash in on either Roman Reigns or Brock Lesnar at Summerslam. With Theory gone, Madcap Moss comes up to say he’d love to shut Theory up.

Aliyah/Lacey Evans vs. Shotzi/Shayna Baszler

Lacey comes to the arena, doesn’t get the reception she wants, and then does it again to a louder reaction. Then she does it a third time just to make sure. Hold on again as Lacey grabs a mic and says that was a disappointing reaction. The fans know who she is because she poured her heart out on live TV and she gets that kind of reaction? She’s an American hero and calls a bunch of the fans fat. Lacey goes to leave but stops to punch out Aliyah. No match, with Shotzi and Baszler never appearing.

Usos vs. Los Lotharios

Champions Contenders match and we’re joined in progress with Jimmy being sent into Angel’s boots. Los Lotharios get the Usos knocked outside and switch places a few times to amp up the frustration. Back in and Humberto gets shoved off the top, setting up a superkick. The 1D finishes Humberto at 2:02 shown.

Post match the Usos are shown the Street Profits getting a shoulder up at Money In The Bank. There is going to be a rematch at Summerslam, with rumors of a special guest referee. The Usos are happy with that, depending on who it is….which we don’t know yet.

Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre

The winner goes on to get the title shot at Clash At The Castle. Hold on though as Sheamus is coughing a lot and thinks he might have a touch of the Covids. He can’t wrestle tonight because he needs to get tested, so Butch can take his place.

Drew McIntyre vs. Butch

Butch goes for the arm to start but Drew slips out. The Claymore finishes for McIntyre at 1:28.

Post match Drew beats up Ridge Holland and holds off Sheamus with the sword. He cuts the ropes, ala Wrestlemania, for a bonus, to end the show. Ignore the sword bending.

Overall Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this show tonight, as it felt like it was thrown together at the last minute with a bunch of short matches and little that actually mattered. Heck the New Day even acknowledged that they were basically doing the same thing they had done for the last few weeks. None of the matches got any time and it was mainly a bunch of short action and talking, most of which meant nothing. Throw in the bait and switch main event and this was a pretty horrible night.

Results
Viking Raiders b. Jinder Mahal/Shanky – Powerbomb to Mahal
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Ludvig Kaiser – Kinshasa
Ronda Rousey b. Natalya – Ankle lock
Usos b. Los Lotharios – 1D to Humberto
Drew McIntyre b. Butch – Claymore

 

 

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Smackdown – June 24, 2022: They’re Running Low

Smackdown
Date: June 24, 2022
Location: Moody Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We are eight days away from Money In The Bank and the ladder matches need to be filled in. This includes a women’s qualifying match tonight, but odds are some of the focus is going to be on what Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. You know, because we need to build towards Summerslam before Money In The Bank. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Roman Reigns retaining the World Title over Riddle last week. After the match, Brock Lesnar returned and took Reigns out, setting up their Summerslam rematch.

Here is Drew McIntyre to get things going. He’s looking forward to Money In The Bank but he’s looking even more forward to Summerslam, because he is going to cash in on whoever wins between Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar. Cue the Brawling Brutes to interrupt, with Sheamus saying Drew is off his bleeding rocker if he thinks he is going to be the one to cash in at Summerslam. Sheamus mocks Drew for having someone cash in on him, which Sheamus did to Reigns before.

Cue Paul Heyman to interrupt, complete with an annoyed looking Adam Pearce behind him. Heyman laughs at the idea of cashing in on Brock Lesnar because Reigns is retaining his title. However, even Heyman knows that Reigns might be in danger of a cash in after the Last Man Standing match because Reigns could be a bit vulnerable after such a match. That’s why Pearce has a special announcement: after some strenuous negotiations, neither Sheamus nor McIntyre will be in the Money In The Bank ladder match, because neither of them won. Therefore, they do have a way in though: teaming together to beat the Usos tonight.

I really don’t see this going well, as Sheamus and Drew winning changes nothing other than having the Usos get beaten. Also, it doesn’t exactly make me think that Sheamus or Drew are winning the briefcase, but it does make me think that it’s going to be teased for weeks until Summerslam.

Sami Zayn is very happy with what just happened and is ready to get rid of Drew McIntyre and Sheamus. Then he can win the briefcase and….protect Reigns.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura kicks away to start and hits a sliding German suplex to drop Zayn again. There’s the running kick to the face for two but Sami knocks him outside for a not very near countout. Back in and they come crashing off the top as we take a break. We come back with Nakamura catching him on the middle rope and pulling him down. Zayn is fine enough to grab a nasty Michinoku Driver for two more but he misses something off the top.

The middle rope knee to the back of the neck gives Nakamura two but the threat of Kinshasa sends Zayn outside. Kinshasa connects outside with Zayn having to beat the count back inside. That means Kinshasa can be set up back inside but Zayn catches him with a quick Helluva Kick for the pin at 9:49.

Rating: C. You could tell that Zayn isn’t what he used to be due to the age and injuries, but he has changed his style enough to make this work. The countout teases are a good enough way to go and it’s a surprise to see Zayn win in the end. He’s a more interesting choice for the ladder match right now and I could go for seeing the creative stuff he busts out for the thing.

Here are New Day and Jinder Mahal/Shanky for a dance contest. Why you ask? According to New Day, because no one wants to see this match again and new Day doesn’t do rematches. I’ll let you laugh at that as Shanky dances to Woods’ trombone music and then shoves Mahal away for not liking the dancing. Cue the Viking Raiders’ graphics on screen and then charge in from behind for the big beatdown. They’re rather vicious here and it is working for them.

Sonya Deville storms into Adam Pearce’s office and yells about not being used since she has been back on Smackdown. Raquel Rodriguez sure has been though, which is why Pearce puts Deville in a match with Rodriguez….and Lacey Evans. Next.

Lacey Evans/Raquel Rodriguez vs. Sonya Deville

Shayna Baszler and Xia Li come to the ring with Sonya. Evans drop toeholds her down but Sonya is back with a shot to the knee. Another shot drops Evans so she gets over for the tag to Rodriguez. The Tejana Bomb connects to knock Sonya silly and it’s the Woman’s Right to give Evans the pin at 3:03.

Rating: D. So what were they going for here? Pearce getting revenge on someone who was a villain? I’m not sure why they needed to pick that story up a few months later but hopefully this is it. Having Shayna and Li as Deville’s lackeys isn’t much of an idea, but WWE does love to put women together out of nowhere. Evans and Rodriguez beat her up pretty easily here and I’m not sure I get what they were trying.

Post match the beatdown is on but Evans and Rodriguez clean house.

The Street Profits walk through the back and run into Los Lotharios with a woman, Drew Gulak exercising and Madcap Moss standing there. Dawkins has a joke for him and it doesn’t quite work.

Here is Natalya, dressed as Ronda Rousey (complete with a lot of eye makeup) and pushing a baby stroller. Natalya talks about how she had Rousey THIS CLOSE to tapping out in the Sharpshooter so Rousey should just hand over the title now and get back to taking care of her baby.

Cue Rousey to say she didn’t recognize Natalya without her rack hanging out. Rousey says she didn’t mutilate her body to conform to some beauty standard and isn’t giving Natalya the title now. No one has cared about Natalya before because she has no charisma and brags so much about being a Hart. The closest Natalya has become to being a star in the main event is dressing like Rousey. The brawl is on with Natalya hitting her with the stroller to escape.

This segment summed up the problem with this entire feud: Natalya is not a threat to Rousey and never will be, because Natalya is not interesting enough to be seen on that level. Her entire selling point was that she ALMOST made a tired Rousey tap to a Sharpshooter after Rousey’s match. Oh and she dressed up like Rousey to prove….something. Bad segment to push a bad feud, with Rousey getting in a few zingers to keep it a few steps above dreadful.

Sheamus and Drew McIntyre are ready for the Usos.

Intercontinental Title: Ricochet vs. Gunther

Gunther, with Ludvig Kaiser, is defending. A boot to the face drops Ricochet early and we hit the half crab. Make that an STF (with Cole calling it a Crossface and McAfee making an Attitude Adjustment reference, neither of which is really appropriate). Ricochet makes the rope and flips out of a German suplex, setting up a jumping knee to the face. The clothesline sets up the chop to send Ricochet flying though and now the release German suplex connects. The shotgun dropkick sets up the powerbomb to retain the title at 3:05.

Rating: C. This was just a step above a squash and that is what it should have been. Gunther is flat out better than Ricochet at the moment and there is no reason to have Gunther be in trouble here. Ricochet gets his rematch and loses in an even more decisive fashion and that is all he needed to do. Gunther can move on with the title and Ricochet can (hopefully) move on to something else.

Sami Zayn reassures Paul Heyman that he would never cash in Money In The Bank on Roman Reigns. Maybe on Brock Lesnar….but Zayn realizes he shouldn’t have said that and leaves from a glaring Heyman.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Tamina vs. Shotzi

Tamina throws her around to start, setting up a powerslam. Shotzi gets in a shot of her own though and an enziguri rocks Tamina again. A superkick out of the air gives Tamina two more with Shotzi getting her foot in the vicinity of the ropes. Shotzi manages a whip into the post and Never Wake Up (a leg trap DDT) finishes Tamina at 2:33.

We look back at the Viking Raiders’ return.

The Raiders are tired of being forgotten and are here to run through anyone who gets in their way.

Max Dupri’s new models aren’t here tonight because they didn’t get their dressing room demands. Adam Pearce says next week, which Dupri says means they can titillate the juices of the masses. I’m curious to see where they’re going, but the fact that Dupri is still appearing every week gives me some hope for his future.

Pat McAfee stands on the announcers’ table to talk about how Happy Corbin threw a fit last week. We see Madcap Moss beating Corbin last week and McAfee laughing at Corbin as a result. McAfee talks about how much he loves his job and how alive he felt the first time he was in the Thunderdome. He loves talking to the millions (AND MILLIONS) so the challenge is thrown out for Summerslam. McAfee is a better promo than most of the roster.

Usos vs. Drew McIntyre/Sheamus

Non-title and Sheamus and McIntyre have to win to stay in Money In The Bank. The Street Profits join commentary as Sheamus throws Jimmy down to start. Jimmy takes Sheamus into the corner though and it’s Jey coming in for a shot to the face. That doesn’t last long as Sheamus is back with the ten forearms to the chest. Hold on though as Drew goes outside to go after Butch. Sheamus goes outside and brawls with Drew, allowing the Usos to take them down as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus punching his way out of trouble but Jimmy comes in with a superkick. The running hip attack in the corner is cut off with a knee to the face though and the hot tag brings in McIntyre to clean house. Some superkicks drop Drew though and the Superfly Splash gets two with Sheamus making the save. Everything breaks down and Ridge Holland has to hold Butch back. Cue Sami Zayn to go after Drew but Dawkins cuts him off. The Profits and the Uso argue until Drew flip dives onto all four of them. Back in and Jey manages a superkick before the Claymore finishes Jey at 11:12.

Rating: C+. Nice match, the champs lose, and we are right back where we were when this show came on the air. The Street Profits didn’t even cost the Usos the match so I’m not sure who good this does. This felt like they needed a main event and added something in to fill in a spot but this is something that belonged on a house show rather than Smackdown.

Overall Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this show as it felt like they ran out of ideas before Money In The Bank and moved on to the Summerslam build. They have announced the Summerslam main event and are teasing another match with McAfee vs. Corbin but Money In The Bank is still over a week away. That is something WWE has done before and it rarely works, though it isn’t like there is much that can be set up for Money In The Bank anyway. Just get to it already before they run even further out of ideas, which was pretty obvious tonight.

Results
Sami Zayn b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Helluva Kick
Lacey Evans/Raquel Rodriguez b. Sonya Deville – Woman’s Right
Gunther b. Ricochet – Powerbomb
Shotzi b. Tamina – Never Wake Up
Sheamus/Drew McIntyre b. Usos – Claymore to Jey

 

 

 

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Smackdown – June 17, 2022: In Case Of Emergency

Smackdown
Date: June 17, 2022
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

Say it with me: and then everything changed. Vince McMahon has stepped back as WWE CEO and Chairman of the Board due to his affair but he is still going to show up this week for…something. I have no idea what that means but we also have Riddle challenging Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Vince McMahon to open things up. He is glad to be here in Minnesota and talks about the Then, Now, Forever and Together WWE signature. Welcome to Smackdown. Then he leaves. Ok then.

Opening sequence.

Here is Riddle to talk about his history with Roman Reigns. We get a highlight package on RKBro vs. the Bloodline and Riddle talks about how much he misses Randy Orton. Riddle dedicates the match to Orton and wants him back, even playing Voices for a great moment.

Happy Corbin vs. Madcap Moss

This is the Last Laugh match, which doesn’t seem to be a stipulation. Corbin knocks him into the corner to start but Moss (the hometown boy) hits a middle rope shoulder. That means another knockdown from Corbin, who is taken down by a running shoulder from Moss. Corbin sends him into the post and out to the floor, only to be knocked down on the outside as well as we take a break. Back with Corbin hitting a chokeslam and they head outside again. Moss runs him over for a change but Corbin manages to beat the count back in. A pair of Punchlines finishes for Moss at 9:19.

Rating: C+. This is what WWE has been needing: they have picked someone in Moss and now they are pushing him as something. He dropped the joke stuff, is wearing regular trunks that show off his great physique (probably his strongest feature) and got some definitive wins over an established name. That is the hard part, but if WWE wants to do something with him, they have set things up properly.

Post match, Moss laughs a lot.

The Street Profits are glad to be on Smackdown and are looking forward to their Tag Team Title match against the Usos at Money in the Bank.

Back in the arena, Happy Corbin isn’t happy with Pat McAfee laughing at him when things were down. Corbin rants about the bad things that McAfee did to him and wants McAfee in the ring. As Corbin leaves, McAfee gets up to say that after a last laugh match, we should be seeing the fans laughing him out of the building. This causes Corbin to walk out rather than fight the announcer who is leading the fans to laugh at him. The new Day come out for their match and laugh at Corbin even more.

Classic Smackdown moment: Edge and Hulk Hogan win the Tag Team Titles on July 4, 2002.

Natalya is ready to beat respect into Ronda Rousey at Money in the Bank. She talks about her history and how great she is before promising to make Rousey quit.

New Day vs. Jinder Mahal/Shanky

Jinder kicks Woods into the corner to start but gets caught with a springboard dropkick. Shanky comes in for a heck of a chop and a clothesline takes Kofi down. That lets Shanky dance so Jinder tags himself in, yells at Shanky, and gets Trouble In Paradised for the pin at 3:02.

Rating: D+. Do you get the idea yet? I wasn’t sure if they had hammered it into your head hard enough that Shanky likes to dance and Jinder hates it, but that’s the only thing that these two are doing together. New Day beating them is fine and that’s all well and good, but Jinder and dancing Shanky is only so interesting in the first place and now they’re going with the idea again and again.

Video on the Viking Raiders.

Here are Sheamus and Drew McIntyre, with Adam Pearce to talk about last week’s double DQ in a Money in the Bank qualifying match. After some threats of violence if they are not in the match, we see a clip of last week’s big brawl. Pearce says Sheamus is in, so Drew beats Sheamus down….and is told that he is in too. Works for McIntyre, who Claymores Sheamus.

Sami Zayn is nervous about going in to see Roman Reigns but decides he needs to go to the bathroom.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Raquel Rodriguez vs. Shayna Baszler

Lacey Evans is on commentary. Shayna goes for the leg to start but Rodriguez gets in a shot of her own to take over. That’s broken up and Baszler hits a running kick to the leg in the corner as Aliyah and Shotzi are watching in the back. Rodriguez runs Baszler over but her knee gives out on a running powerslam attempt. A running knee gives Baszler two but the Kirifuda Clutch is broken up. Not that it matters as the Tejana Bomb finishes Baszler at 3:13.

Rating: C-. I don’t know if I can buy Rodriguez winning the ladder match but they have started building her into something. Giving her a win here worked fine as you want to have her in the match, but my goodness sometimes I can’t get over what they have done with Baszler. She has been on the main roster for more than two years and somehow has never been Women’s Champion. I wouldn’t have thought that was possible but somehow they have pulled it off.

Here is Max Dupri to introduce his first client. The spotlight is in the ring….but there is no one there. We cut to the back where Dupri says his men (unknown) aren’t going out there under these conditions. He yells at Adam Pearce about the lighting and says we won’t be seeing their faces and bodies. Pearce has failed to titillate the people.

Ludvig Kaiser talks about how Gunther won the Intercontinental Title, following the history of the international stars winning the championship. No American will ever sully its reputation again. Gunther says he is the new champion.

Undisputed WWE Universal Title: Roman Reigns vs. Riddle

Riddle is challenging and, after the Big Match Intros, goes right at Reigns and strikes away. A heck of an uppercut cuts him down but Riddle is back with a fisherman’s suplex. Reigns is sent outside and the flipping dive drops him again as we take a break. Back with Reigns hammering away before grabbing a cravate.

Riddle fights out and hits the Floating Bro for two but Reigns hits a Rock Bottom for the same. That’s enough to send Riddle outside, where Reigns drops him onto the announcers’ table ala Randy Orton. Reigns mocks Orton to the camera and we take a break. We come back again with Riddle hitting the Orton powerslam but the hanging DDT is escaped.

Instead Riddle drops him onto the announcers’ table, setting up the hanging DDT for two. The RKO is countered with a shove and the Superman Punch gives Reigns two more. Reigns’ spear is countered into the RKO and the Floating Bro gets two. Riddle goes up for a springboard but gets speared out of the air for the pin to retain at 16:47.

Rating: B. This match did something that is very hard to do but is one of the most impressive things that can be done: they made me buy that something I knew wasn’t going to happen could happen. There was no realistic reason to believe that Riddle was going to win here but that RKO had me thinking they might actually flip the switch. That is one of the hardest things to do in wrestling and they made it work here with a heck of a match that had me wondering so very well done indeed. It was the In Your House main event level match on TV but I got pulled into this one hard.

Post match Reigns says there is no one left….and Brock Lesnar makes his return. The F5 drops Reigns to end the show. Reigns vs. Lesnar is the Jurassic World: Dominion of WWE: we’ve been here before, but they’re banking on the visuals and carnage to make up for the same story we’ve seen so many times.

Overall Rating: C+. I had a good time with this show but that ending deflated me like few others have in recent memory. Things are up in the air in WWE at the moment and Lesnar is their safety blanket, but my goodness it can be hard to take the idea of WWE going back to the well AGAIN with this match. WWE has a lot of talented people on its roster, but if they have these main event slots locked up for the same batch of people, what difference does it make? They showed that they know how to reshape and push someone with Moss, so why not do the same and make a main eventer out of it?

The rest of the show was good (again, the Moss stuff is getting my attention) and they haven’t gone overboard with the qualifying matches, though I’m not sure what they were doing with the Vince stuff. The Dupri angle is intriguing, though they better have a heck of a name ready for that first client. I liked the show overall, though the rough spots were pretty bad.

Results
Madcap Moss b. Happy Corbin – Punchline
New Day b. Shanky/Jinder Mahal – Trouble In Paradise to Mahal
Raquel Rodriguez b. Shayna Baszler – Tejana Bomb
Roman Reigns b. Riddle – Spear

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown – June 3, 2022: I Guess This Is Somewhere?

Smackdown
Date: June 3, 2022
Location: Schottenstein Center, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

It’s the to home show for Hell In A Cell and there are no Smackdown matches set for the event. That isn’t a good sign, but it is also familiar ground for the Cell show. Hopefully they can do something this week, as there are a lot of people who need to be on the card. That has never stopped WWE before but let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is New Day to get things going and they are fired up after their win last week over the Brawling Brutes. After making fun of the Brawling Brutes name, the two of them thank Drew McIntyre for helping them out last week. Cue McIntyre, who had a lot of fun taking the Brutes down last week. McIntyre talks about Big E and promises to keep sending “those pictures to keep you going”.

We get to the point though, as McIntyre wants to take the WWE Universal Title from Roman Reigns at Clash At The Castle in September. After Kofi isn’t sure how to respond to McIntyre naming himself Big D, the team has a present for him. They pull out a box, which contains….a Big D kilt! Cue the Brutes, with Sheamus saying they didn’t have a chance to prepare last week so we should do it again. Butch charges the ring and I think we’re ready to go.

New Day vs. Brawling Brutes

We’re joined in progress with Sheamus pounding on Woods and handing it off to Butch. Woods jawbreaks his way to freedom though and hands it off to Kofi to take Butch down in the corner. Kofi starts kicking away but it’s Sheamus hitting an ax handle to cut him off. A missed charge sends Sheamus shoulder first into the post though and Kofi hits the Boom Drop. Everything breaks down and it’s the double dives to allow New Day to pose on the announcers’ table as we take a break.

Back with Holland hitting a powerslam to set up Sheamus’ top rope knee to the back for two. Sheamus goes after Drew for some reason, allowing Kofi to hit a Meteora. The hot tag brings in McIntyre to clean house, including a neckbreaker and belly to belly. Sheamus breaks up the Claymore so Woods comes back in as everything breaks down. The Brogue Kick hits McIntyre and the Bitter End gives Butch the pin on Woods at 11:00.

Rating: C+. It was more fun last week, mainly because we aren’t going to some kind of trilogy match between these teams. It’s another case of WWE not knowing how to just drop a story already, but maybe this is something that helps shore up the pay per view card. At least Butch got a pin, having finally overcome the small package worries.

We look at Riddle/Shinsuke Nakamura beating the Usos (via DQ) on Raw to earn a title shot tonight.

Riddle and Nakamura are ready to fight for the titles tonight. We look at the Bloodline taking out Randy Orton, so Riddle dedicates the win to him.

Max Dupri interrupts Adam Pearce and talks about his modeling agency going world wide. He has already found his first client….who we’ll meet next week.

We look back at Shanky’s dancing costing himself and Jinder Mahal a tag match to Los Lotharios last week.

Humberto vs. Jinder Mahal

In the back, Mahal tells Shanky not to dance so Shanky dances behind him instead. Mahal gets knocked into the corner to start but he comes back with a backbreaker. Humberto misses a kick though and gets superkicked, allowing Shanky to dance. The distraction lets Humberto get out of the Khallas and roll him up for no cover. Humberto yells at Shanky, allowing Mahal to grab a rollup for the pin at 1:49.

Post match Shanky dances at Samantha Irvin, who dances back.

Shotzi vs. Natalya vs. Shayna Baszler vs. Raquel Rodriguez vs. Aliyah vs. Xia Li

The winner gets a future shot at Ronda Rousey for the Smackdown Women’s Title but hang on because Aliyah isn’t here. We cut to the locker room where Aliyah can’t get out. Holds on though as here is Aliyah to go after Shotzi, making that a complete waste of time. Everything breaks down to start with Aliyah being being sent into the barricade.

Baszler Kirifuda Clutches Rodriguez but they fall outside. Li fights out of the Sharpshooter and it’s time to strike it out. Shotzi DDTs Baszler and we hit the parade of strikes. Rodriguez suplexes Shotzi onto Natalya, setting up the corkscrew Vader Bomb. There’s the Tejana Bomb to Shotzi but Baszler jumps Rodriguez, allowing Natalya to steal the pin and the title shot at 4:14.

Rating: C-. Well that was short. What else is there to say about this? Natalya is just about the only option they had if they weren’t going with Baszler, so enjoy that sweet Natalya charisma that we have come to know and tolerate for years now. I’m sure the match will be fine, but this big mess of an all over the place match wasn’t a great way to get there.

Post match Natalya and Rousey have a staredown.

We look back at Happy Corbin injuring Madcap Moss three weeks ago.

Corbin says Moss better be looking for his job back.

Lacey Evans is back next week.

Madcap Moss is here, coming out of an ambulance.

Here is Madcap Moss to recap what Happy Corbin did to him. What matters is that Madcap Moss is gone because the person that let Corbin do that to him is buried. Moss wants to give Corbin a beating so get out here right now. Cue Corbin, who thinks Moss is betting for his job back. Moss still wants to fight so Corbin says we can, but not tonight. Cue Adam Pearce to make the match for right now.

Happy Corbin vs. Madcap Moss

Corbin bails to the floor to start before coming in for a cheap shot. They head to the floor with Moss knocking him to the timekeepers’ area. Corbin comes back with a chair but Moss takes it away and hits Corbin for the DQ at 1:30.

Post match Moss unloads with the chair shots to Corbin and wraps it around Corbin’s neck but agents break it up.

The Usos dedicate their match to Roman Reigns.

Adam Pearce makes Happy Corbin vs. Madcap Moss in a No Holds Barred match for Sunday.

Ricochet is ready to defend the Intercontinental Title against Gunther next week.

Gunther is going to win the title.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Riddle

Nakamura/Riddle are challenging. Nakamura kicks Jey to start and hands it off to Riddle for a fisherman’s DDT. A blind tag lets Jimmy come in for a double spinebuster but Riddle kicks him in the head. The double tag brings in Nakamura and Jey with the former kicking away. The sliding German suplex drops Jey and the running knee gives Riddle two.

Riddle gets knocked off the top though and a double superkick gets two on Riddle, with Nakamura making the save. Nakamura’s running knee on the floor hits steps though and the jumping kick to the knee keeps him down. That’s enough for Nakamura to be taken to the back so Riddle knocks both Usos down and we take a break.

Back with Riddle getting whipped hard into the buckle but Jey loading up an RKO is too far. Some suplexes set up some Brotons to put the Usos on the floor and there’s the springboard Floating Bro. There’s the hanging DDT to Jimmy but the RKO is broken up. The pop up Samoan drop gives Jimmy two but Riddle is back with the super RKO….as Roman Reigns’ music plays. That’s enough of a distraction to let Jey hit the Superfly Splash for the pin to retain at 13:21.

Rating: C+. Riddle was trying here and the Reigns deal likely sets up their title match, assuming that thing ever happens. Reigns needs someone to go after the title and Riddle is as good as anyone else. Nakamura/Riddle was never going to be the next big team so using them as a stepping stone to Riddle vs. Reigns makes sense.

Sami Zayn cued up the music (Reigns never appeared) and Riddle is stunned. Zayn comes out to celebrate so Riddle goes after all three of them to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. It is becoming very obvious again that WWE doesn’t care about what happens on this show, and a lot of that continues to be due to the lack of Reigns. While Riddle can help some by being set up as the next challenger, it is only going to get them so far. Between that and the focuses on Natalya, Dancing Shanky and MORE MOSS VS. CORBIN, this made for a very long two hours and not in a good way.

Results
Brawling Brutes b. New Day/Drew McIntyre – Bitter End to Woods
Jinder Mahal b. Humberto – Rollup
Natalya b. Raquel Rodriguez, Xia Li, Aliyah, Shotzi and Shayna Baszler – Tejana Bomb to Shotzi
Happy Corbin b. Madcap Moss via DQ when Moss used a chair
Usos b. Riddle/Shinsuke Nakamura – Superfly Splash to Riddle

 

 

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Smackdown – May 27, 2022: It’s Next Week

Smackdown
Date: May 27, 2022
Location: Simmons Bank Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We’re almost up to Hell In A Cell and that means it might be time to actually add some things to the card. I’m not sure what the main event is supposed to be but maybe we get something else this week. If nothing else, New Day has a mystery partner to FINALLY wrap up their feud with the Brawling Brutes. I’m sure. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Usos taking out RKBro last week to unify the Tag Team Titles. Randy Orton was injured pretty badly last week to put him on the shelf for the time being.

Here are the Usos for a chat. After thanking Roman Reigns for making this possible, we hear about how the Usos recently celebrated twelve years in this company and they couldn’t have done it without the fans. The fans have cheered and booed them while seeing their up and definitely (Jey’s word) seeing their downs. After all their time together and all the plane rides and all the time away from their families, the fans were always there.

Jey always loves being here in front of these people and entertaining them, so from the bottom of their hearts, thank you. After all though though, Jimmy has learned that they need…..NO ONE! They have each other and now they have taken out RKBro, leaving Riddle crying like they had the little kids crying last week. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura with a challenge for a title match and he has a partner. This brings out Riddle and house is cleared, with the Usos being sent running.

We look at Ronda Rousey having some trouble beating Raquel Rodriguez a few weeks ago.

Riddle and Shinsuke Nakamura know they can work together, even without their regular partners.

Shotzi and most of the women’s division is in the locker room with Shotzi complaining about Rodriguez getting another match with Rousey. No one wants to listen to her until Natalya and Shayna Baszler seem intrigued.

Ronda Rousey vs. Raquel Rodriguez

Champions Contender match. Hold on though as we cut to the back where Natalya and Shayna Baszler come to the ring but Shotzi gets locked in the locker room thanks to Aliyah. I’m not sure how bright an idea it is to run a story about not being able to get through a locked door after someone else went through it this week, but we’ll go to the ring anyway. Rousey goes for the arm to start but gets powered up. The hurricanrana gets two on Rodriguez but Baszler and Natalya run in for the DQ at 42 seconds.

Natalya/Shayna Baszler vs. Ronda Rousey/Raquel Rodriguez

Joined in progress with Baszler working on Rodriguez’s knee. That’s broken up with a kick to the floor so Rousey comes in to clean house. Natalya takes her down in short order for the Sharpshooter but Rousey crawls over for the tag to escape (that’s a new one). Rodriguez gets taken down again but it’s right back to Rousey for the showdown with Baszler. Natalya breaks that up but the Tejada Bomb (Chingona) finishes Baszler at 3:24.

Rating: C-. And that’s how you use two women who will probably be headliners in the Women’s Tag Team Title tournament. Baszler and Natalya have never been portrayed as anything more than cranky losers and that was the case again here. Natalya even got Rousey in the Sharpshooter without much trouble but the match was over shortly thereafter. Another match that shows how unimportant the tag division is, in case that wasn’t clear enough.

New Day likes having the element of surprise because their partner tonight could be anyone from Max Moon to Reed Richards to the interviewer.

Los Lotharios vs. Jinder Mahal/Shanky

Hold on though as we cut to the back where Mahal can’t find Shanky. Mahal finds him in the locker room, dancing to their own theme music. They get to the ring and it’s Shanky big booting Humberto so Mahal can come in. Everything breaks down and Angel TAKES OFF HIS PANTS for the ring announcer Samantha Irvin (who looks terrified). The distraction lets Shanky kick Angel in the head but it’s Humberto hitting a springboard kick to the face to pin Mahal at 2:14.

Post match Mahal yells at Shanky and leaves so Shanky dances in front of Samantha, who seems a bit more enthusiastic.

Max Dupri comes in to see Adam Pearce and asks about his contract, which Pearce says is all legal. That works for Dupri, who can now find his first client.

Here is Kevin Owen for the KO Show, with his guest being a member of the Bloodline: SAMI ZAYN! After an exchange of pleasantries and a burial of whatever they were fighting about last time (Sami doesn’t remember either), Sami says he knows Ezekiel is Elias too. That has Owens crying on Zayn’s shoulder because someone finally believes him. Owens needs him to come to Raw and help him deal with Ezekiel but Zayn has his hands full. Zayn calls him Uce, but Owens isn’t sure he likes that.

Owens calls him a moron, so Zayn says that Ezekiel and Elias are CLEARLY different people. This turns into a LIAR/MORON exchange until Owens asks why the Bloodline left Zayn high and dry on Raw. Owens introduces the Bloodline twice but no one comes, because the Bloodline doesn’t care about him. Sami says Owens doesn’t know what he’s talking about and goes to leave but Owens stops him in the aisle, earning a shove into the barricade. Owens goes back into the ring and beats up the people taking down the set to blow off some steam.

Ricochet/Drew Gulak vs. Gunther/Ludvig Kaiser

Gunther wastes no time in shoving Gulak off the top for a crash as we take an early break. Back with Gulak getting over for the tag to Ricochet who hits a springboard crossbody on Kaiser. A fireman’s carry is broken up by a rake to the eyes though and it’s back to Gulak. That’s fine with Kaiser, who kicks him in the face for the pin at 6:24. Not enough shown to rate but it was just a step above a squash.

Post match Gunther kicks Ricochet in the face.

Sami Zayn asks the Usos where they were and thinks he isn’t being respected. What if he just joined with them? That’s cool with the Usos, who make him an honorary Uce. Zayn is very pleased, but I don’t know how much the Usos buy this.

Memorial Day video, three days before Memorial Day.

Brawling Brutes vs. New Day/???

Before the match, Sheamus brags about how it doesn’t matter who the mystery partner is because New Day Sucks, New Day Sucks, New Day Sucks. Cue New Day, who thinks the Brawling Brutes sound like off brand Wrestling Buddies. After more jokes (including McAfee having way too much fun with Sheamus saying it doesn’t matter if it’s Moby Dick), it’s Drew McIntyre and we’re ready to go.

The bell rings (nineteen minutes after the Brutes came to the ring) and it’s Butch going after Woods to start. Woods gets taken into the corner for the forearms to the chest from Sheamus, with Butch adding a bunch of his own. Woods fights up gets over to McIntyre for the tag, meaning Holland comes in for a change. Sheamus’ distraction lets Butch get in a cheap shot and we take a break.

Back with Sheamus hitting a top rope knee on Kofi for two in a big crash. Kofi manages to knock him down but the other Brutes pull Woods and McIntyre off the apron like good villains. The hot tag attempt works a bit better on the second attempt though as McIntyre comes in to clean house.

Butch jumps on McIntyre’s back but gets sent outside, leaving Woods to hit a running dropkick through the ropes. Sheamus hits Woods with something (off camera) so Kofi dives onto Sheamus for the knockdown. The Glasgow Kiss and the Claymore set up the Limit Breaker to give Woods the pin at 11:31.

Rating: C+. Perfectly good house show main event here as McIntyre was one of the most logical choices New Day had. Hopefully this wraps up a feud that has gone on for far too long now as WWE continues to not quite get how to put a bow on things. McIntyre continues to look like a monster and that is what he got to do here, as he does better than anyone on Smackdown at the moment.

Dancing, including McIntyre, ensues to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. While it wasn’t the worst show, this was a pretty dry effort as there was barely anything noteworthy. I don’t get much out of McIntyre being gone for two weeks on a promotional tour and coming back to beat up Ridge Holland or Owens vs. Zayn again but your mileage may vary. It’s another slow show on the way to their latest uninspired pay per view, which takes place in nine days and has four matches on the card, all from Raw. WWE might want to work on that, but they didn’t do anything about it here.

Results
Raquel Rodriguez b. Ronda Rousey via DQ when Natalya and Shayna Baszler interfered
Ronda Rousey/Raquel Rodriguez b. Natalya/Shayna Baszler – Tejada Bomb to Baszler
Los Lotharios b. Jinder Mahal/Shanky – Springboard kick to the face to Mahal
Gunther/Ludvig Kaiser b. Ricochet/Drew Gulak – Running kick to Gulak
New Day/Drew McIntyre b. Brawling Brutes – Limit Breaker to Holland

 

 

 

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Smackdown – April 29, 2022: Change Of Plans

Smackdown
Date: April 29, 2022
Location: MVP Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

We have a rare taped show from Smackdown this week as the roster is currently over in Europe. WrestleMania Backlash is in just over two weeks and the card could use some spicing up, which we might get this week. If nothing else, things should be interesting as we have our second contract signing in two shows (third if you count this week’s NXT UK). Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Sami Zayn vs. Drew McIntyre

Inside a cage after Zayn has run away from McIntyre twice in a row. Drew Gulak, auditioning to be timekeeper, rings the bell so Sami goes for the early escape. That goes as well as expected and McIntyre sends him straight into the cage. It works well enough that McIntyre does it again but Zayn grabs a sunset bomb to send us to a break.

Back with Zayn rubbing McIntyre’s face against the cage and then kicking said face into said cage. McIntyre gets in a ram into the cage of his own but Sami whips him right back in for a knockdown. The Helluva Kick against the cage rocks McIntyre but he’s fine enough to pull Zayn back down.

An overhead belly to belly sets up a neckbreaker so McIntyre loads up the Claymore. It takes a bit too long though, allowing Zayn to go up and crotch McIntyre for the attempted save. That takes too long too though and it’s a superplex back down, setting up the Claymore to give McIntyre the pin at 10:20.

Rating: C+. This felt like a dark match main event as they didn’t do anything special other than that superplex. There wasn’t much doubt about the winner here as this version of Zayn isn’t going to be winning any major match. McIntyre gets a nice win in what feels like a big match and can move on to something bigger.

We look back at last week’s contract signing between Ronda Rousey and Charlotte.

Charlotte doesn’t get embarrassed, but Ronda certainly will at Wrestlemania Backlash. Tonight it’s a Beat The Clock Challenge and Rousey might quit before we even get to the pay per view.

Here is Happy Corbin for Happy Talk, which is now new and improved because Madcap Moss isn’t here anymore. Moss failed at his one job of being funny so now Corbin has to beat him at WrestleMania Backlash. That means Moss will get to show that the only joke is suggesting that he could ever beat Corbin.

Until then, Corbin needs to destroy Moss’ Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal trophy, which is his special guest this week. The trophy gets an entrance as we look at Moss’ recent roll. Back in the arena, Corbin wants to wreck the trophy and calls for the sledgehammer….but it’s Moss holding said hammer. The beating is on and Corbin is left laying.

We look back at Ricochet defeating Jinder Mahal and getting a match with Shanky set up for this week.

Intercontinental Title: Ricochet vs. Shanky

Shanky, with Jinder Mahal, is challenging and powers Ricochet into the corner to start. The neck crank goes on in less than a minute but Ricochet fights back up. That doesn’t last long as Shanky takes him back down for another neck crank, only to miss an elbow. Ricochet fights up and hits a springboard crossbody. Mahal’s distraction lets Shanky grab him again, only to have Ricochet roll him up for the pin to retain at 3:22.

Rating: D+. Yeah what were you expecting here? Shanky might as well have had a sign above his head saying “PIN ME/PAY ME” as there was no chance that Ricochet was dropping the title here. Hopefully this wraps things up, but it looks like we might be seeing more of Ricochet vs. Mahal, as WWE continues to think that’s a good idea. I’m sure it’ll work this time though.

Post match Mahal yells at Shanky, who walks off.

Raquel Rodriguez says you aren’t nervous when you look like her. Seriously though, of course she’s nervous but she’s going to put on a show. The show was acting like anyone would speak this way.

Raquel Rodriguez vs. Cat Cardoza

Cardoza jumps her before the bell and is easily thrown around by the arm. Some fall away slams set up a spinning Vader Bomb but Cardoza is back with a running knee in the corner. Choking on the ropes doesn’t go well for Cardoza as Rodriguez is back with the Chingona Bomb for the pin at 2:00. Cardoza got in a bit too much offense here but Rodriguez looked dominant enough.

Ludwig Kaiser and Gunther brag about the latter’s dominance. Gunther promises to take respect.

A Make A Wish kid is here. That’s always awesome.

It’s time for the contract signing for the Tag Team Title unification match at Wrestlemania Backlash between the Usos and RKBro. Everyone throws out their chairs and Adam Pearce says let’s just get this done with no problems. The Usos say they don’t have to prove anything to anyone and the only thing they need is bigger luggage when they win the other titles. Riddle says he can’t tell the Usos apart, which isn’t a problem for RKBro.

Randy Orton can’t believe that because he has never had a problem telling them apart. See, you have Jey Uso, who is the right hand man and Jimmy Uso is nothing but a little b****. The fight is on with RKBro getting the better of things but here is Roman Reigns to uneven things a bit.

Now the beatdown is on, with Reigns ripping up the contract and shoving it in Riddle’s mouth….but here is Drew McIntyre to slowly walk down the aisle for the save. With the teams out of the way, McIntyre gets in the ring and sends Reigns flying with a suplex as we seem to have a next challenger. I would have bet on it being at a bigger show, but maybe that’s all they could think of at the moment.

Post break Paul Heyman comes in to see Adam Pearce and suggests that the Tag Team Title match at Wrestlemania Backlash be turned into a six man tag. Pearce says not so fast, but Heyman says the Board Of Directors might see things differently.

Naomi vs. Shayna Baszler

Yes it’s a singles ma….oh forget it. Their respective partners are here too. Baszler takes her down to start but gets pulled into the corner so Naomi can have her fun (as Cole likes to describe it). That doesn’t work for Baszler, who suplexes her down and starts twisting the arm. The Kirifuda Clutch is countered into a Bubba Bomb attempt but Baszler is out again. Naomi fights up and sends her face first into the corner for the pin at 2:23.

Post match the brawl is on with Sasha Banks clearing the ring but Natalya pulls her into the Sharpshooter in the ropes. Baszler stomps on Naomi’s arm for a bonus.

We look back at Butch running away from Ridge Holland and Sheamus, with Michael Cole saying he ran off like a “spoiled, petulant child.” There are missing person posters, plus FAKE PHOTOS of him possibly being in various places.

Sheamus and Ridge Holland have been putting up the posters….but they put them in the same places, seemingly not noticing the same posters in the same places.

The six man is official for Wrestlemania Backlash, with no titles on the line. Riveting.

Xavier Woods vs. Ridge Holland

Before the match, New Day mocks Sheamus and Ridge Holland for losing Butch. Woods dubs Sheamus “Shake It Sheamus” for all of the partners he has had over the years, which does not sit well with Sheamus. Feeling out process to start with Holland using the power to take over. That’s fine with Woods, who sends him outside and hits the flip dive off the apron to drop Holland as we take a break.

Back with Holland running him over and dropping some elbows. Woods’ comeback is cut off without much trouble and the chinlock goes on, allowing fans to keep up the Sheamus chants. Another comeback attempt is countered into a spinebuster but Woods grabs Backwoods for the fast pin at 8:25.

Rating: C. Is Backwoods supposed to be a joke finisher? If it is, they need to work on their joke finishers, though I don’t think it’s meant to be one. That doesn’t exactly make things better, but maybe Woods’ singles run continues. Granted I don’t think that is where they are going, but it is a bit hard to get fired up about someone turning a small package into a thing.

Post match Sheamus wants to show Ridge how it’s done so Kofi Kingston can get in here right now.

Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus

Joined in progress with Kofi fighting out of the ten forearms to the chest and hitting a spinning top rope forearm to the head. The Irish Curse hurts Kofi so Sheamus does it two more times before grabbing a reverse chinlock. A powerslam gives Sheamus two but the Brogue Kick is countered into the SOS for two. Sheamus knees him out of the air though and the Brogue Kick finishes Kingston at 2:57.

Post match Holland sends Woods into the barricade and Sheamus loads up the table. The powerbomb through the table leaves Woods laying.

We get Chapter Four of the Lacey Evans Story, focusing on her time in the Marines. She graduated from boot amp but her father didn’t show up to the ceremony because she was never good enough for her family. Evans starts crying as she talks about not having any support growing up and she doesn’t need it. Now she is coming for everyone in the WWE locker room.

I Quit Beat The Clock Challenge: Ronda Rousey vs. Shotzi

I Quit match with Charlotte at ringside. Shotzi bails to the floor to start so the chase is on with Shotzi getting in a few shots on the way back in. Rousey isn’t having that and grabs a suplex, setting up the ankle lock with a grapevine to make Shotzi give up at 1:41.

Charlotte talks some trash to Rousey and now it’s Charlotte’s turn.

I Quit Beat The Clock Challenge: Charlotte vs. Aliyah

Non-title I Quit match with a 1:41 time limit. Aliyah starts moving around early and even hits a bulldog. A high crossbody misses though and Charlotte kicks her in the face. The Figure Eight is kicked away though (with Rousey getting in a smirk), meaning Charlotte has to take Aliyah down again. The Figure Eight goes on but time expires at 1:41, meaning Rousey wins.

Post match the staredown is on and Charlotte slowly walks outside….to go after Drew Gulak. The beating is on, including a bell shot to Gulak’s back, to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This didn’t work all that well and the ending felt pretty flat. Granted some of that is due to this being a taped show, but there wasn’t anything on here worth seeing. Throw in the lack of the big Tag Team Title match at the pay per view and the future isn’t looking bright on this show at the moment. I was rather disappointed here, and the six man being announced really didn’t make it better.

Results
Drew McIntyre b. Sami Zayn – Claymore
Ricochet b. Shanky – Rollup
Raquel Rodriguez b. Cat Cardoza – Chingona Bomb
Naomi b. Shayna Baszler – Drop toehold into the corner
Xavier Woods b. Ridge Holland – Backwoods
Sheamus b. Kofi Kingston – Brogue Kick
Ronda Rousey b. Shotzi – Ankle lock
Charlotte vs. Aliyah went to a time limit draw

 

 

 

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Smackdown – April 22, 2022: What If Next Week Never Comes?

Smackdown
Date: April 22, 2022
Location: MVP Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We are less than two weeks away from Wrestlemania Backlash and it is time to start adding some things to the card. Roman Reigns still doesn’t have anything to do, though there is still the chance that they pick up whatever they stared with Shinsuke Nakamura two weeks ago. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the contract signing between Charlotte and Ronda Rousey with Adam Pearce in charge. After a recap video of their issues together….there is no contract. Drew Gulak brings it out and has even made a special PowerPoint presentation (it was his thing when he was on 205 Live) about the rules of an I Quit match but Charlotte tells him to shut up. She has been looking forward to this match for a long time and lists off some of the ways she can make Rousey submit.

Charlotte signs and says she beat Rousey at Wrestlemania. Rousey explains the idea, allowing Charlotte to say she won at Wrestlemania. After a few more times saying the same thing, Charlotte turns the table over and pulls out a kendo stick to beat on Rousey (because putting a lead pipe under there would be too simple). That doesn’t work for Rousey, who takes it away and knocks Charlotte to the floor. Rousey grabs Gulak’s arm for the armbar before demanding the contract and a pen. The contract is signed with the armbar still on before Rousey cranks on it a bit more.

We look back at Sheamus/Ridge Holland losing the slightly unhinged Butch, allowing him to beat up New Day.

Xavier Woods vs. Butch

Kofi Kingston, Sheamus and Ridge Holland are at ringside too. Butch knocks him down to start and drops a knee on the arm before twisting away at the wrist. Back up and Butch rips at his face before being knocked outside. A dropkick through the ropes nearly has everyone else getting in a brawl as we take a break. Back with Butch working on the arm again but Woods fights up again. That earns him a kick to the head and the X Plex gives Butch two. Not that it matters as Woods grabs a DDT and Backwoods gives him the pin at 8:54.

Rating: C. Yep, they really are jobbing Butch in back to back matches to get a small package over for the least important singles wrestler in New Day. Somehow that’s their priority when Butch is in the ring rather than getting lost outside of the ring every week. Every time I think they can’t overthink thinks and miss what should be obvious even more, they do something like this.

Post match Butch beats up a security guard and walks off through the crowd.

Aliyah recaps Ricochet’s wins as champion and asks him what’s next. Jinder Mahal and Shanky come up and Shanky gets a title shot, which didn’t seem to be Mahal’s plan.

Teddy Goodz vs. Gunther

Gunther takes him down by the arm to start and avoids a dropkick. The big boot drops Goodz again as Ludwig Kaiser seems very pleased at ringside. Some chops in the corner rock Goodz and it’s the sleeper into the powerbomb to finish for Gunther at 2:10. That’s the kind of dominance it should continue to be.

We recap RKBro vs. the Usos.

Riddle is ready for Jey Uso tonight when Drew McIntyre comes in to say he’s happy with Randy Orton standing up to the Bloodline. Orton says he and McIntyre are good. Everyone leaves but Sami Zayn pops up behind them and seems rather pleased.

Video on Xia Li, as they remember she exists.

Riddle vs. Jey Uso

Their partners are here too. They strike it out to start with Uso getting the better of things with a kick to the face to put him down. Jey stomps on the ribs as commentary recaps the history between Riddle and Orton. They head outside with Riddle being dropped onto the announcers’ table as we take a break.

Back with Jey hitting an enziguri but Riddle fights up anyway and strikes away. The jumping knee sets up the Floating Bro for two, followed by the hanging DDT. Orton beats up Jimmy on the floor and drops him onto the announcers’ table. Jey grabs a pop up neckbreaker for two, with Riddle kicking out in a weird way. Back up and Riddle hits a jumping knee but Jey superkicks him down. The Superfly Splash hits raised knees though and a small package gives Riddle the pin (second small package win in three matches) at 12:21.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here, with Riddle getting to shine on his own a bit. As annoying as it is to have these singles matches to set up the Tag Team Title match, it isn’t like there are any other teams to beat. That makes the unification that much better, though it still seems like there should be ANY other way to set up the showdown.

Here are Naomi and Sasha Banks to brag about how great and close they are. They have no competition so here are Shayna Baszler and Natalya to interrupt. Banks and Naomi didn’t beat them at Wrestlemania, but Naomi calls Natalya a crazy cat lady. The match seems all but official.

Happy Corbin comes up to Madcap Moss and is willing to forgive him, but Moss being his sidekick again has the same odds as Corbin growing a full head of hair.

Video on Raquel Rodriguez.

Madcap Moss vs. Angel

Moss hammers away to start and knocks Angel off of the apron and onto Humberto. On the way back in, Humberto grabs the leg though and Angel gets in a kick to the head. That doesn’t last long as Moss fights up for a quick comeback and grabs the Punchline for the pin at 2:18. Could have been worse.

Post match Happy Corbin comes in and lays Moss out before stealing the Andre the Giant Battle Royal trophy.

Sami Zayn knocks on Roman Reigns’ door.

Post break, Reigns is yelling at the Usos when Zayn comes in. Zayn overheard what Drew McIntyre was saying about the Bloodline and thinks he could be a valuable ally to the team. He acknowledges Reigns but needs Reigns to recognize him. Reigns doesn’t say anything until Zayn leaves, when he tells the Usos to take his name out of McIntyre’s mouth. Leave it to WWE to wait almost a month

It’s time for chapter three of the Lacey Evans story, as she talks about how much worse things got for her drug addicted father. She had to get ready for the prom herself while also being a good amateur wrestler. Then she walked home in the rain and found her dad asleep on the couch with a lit cigarette falling out of his mouth. It made her want something better and drove her to become something better, which she is today.

Here’s the problem with this idea: these stories are sad and it does make you feel for Evans. She went through a nightmare growing up and worked hard to get where she is. Then you realize that she’s a very good looking blonde with an amazing backstory and a military career to go with an athletic background. WWE would break down the door to her house to sign her up as fast as they could. It was a very hard road to get there, but it’s also a bit difficult to but that she had to put in that much effort to get her name on a WWE deal once she started in wrestling. Telling the story is a good idea, but they needed to get the ending right.

Drew McIntyre vs. Sami Zayn

Lumberjack match, with the Usos getting their own entrance. Sami tries to run outside at the bell but gets thrown back inside so Drew can unload in the corner. McIntyre is sent outside for a beating from the lumberjacks, setting up the big staredown. We take a break and come back with the Glasgow Kiss dropping Sami. McIntyre fights up and beats on Zayn as the lumberjacks get in a brawl. Zayn tries to escape but gets thrown back in as everyone else brawls on the floor. McIntyre finally hits the big running flip dive onto the pile but Zayn uses the distraction to run into the crowd for the countout at 8:10.

Rating: C. This was a weird one as it was more about setting up another rematch, which will hopefully be the conclusive match for a change. Zayn continuing to be a weasel works, though as usual, a lumberjack match is kind of hard to get into as they almost all follow the same formula. Just get to the blowoff next week and let both guys move on.

Post match Adam Pearce comes out to say Zayn isn’t getting away with this and makes McIntyre vs. Zayn IV in a cage match next week. Jinder Mahal and Shanky jump McIntyre but he fights up and Claymore Mahal. McIntyre poses on the announcers’ table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. As it has been for the last couple of weeks, Smackdown continues to feel like it has no direction. The show comes and goes without much happening, as it always feels like “wait until next week” but next week never gets here. This show featured Butch losing again, the same ending we’ve seen to McIntyre vs. Zayn twice before, Moss beating the other half of the same team and a contract signing. It’s like they’re playing the hits if the best they could do was reach the top 2000. Another show that didn’t feel important in the slightest this week, which is far too long of a trend these days.

Results
Xavier Woods b. Butch – Backwoods
Gunther b. Teddy Goodz – Powerbomb
Riddle b. Jey Uso – Small package
Madcap Moss b. Angel – Punchline
Drew McIntyre b. Sami Zayn via countout

 

 

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Smackdown – April 15, 2022: Back Next Week?

Smackdown
Date: April 15, 2022
Location: DCU Center, Worcester, Massachusetts
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

We’re back to the blue guys and now the build seems to be on for Wrestlemania Backlash. Last week saw Shinsuke Nakamura come after Roman Reigns to suggest that he is the next challenger while Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey in an I Quit match is officially set. Hopefully we get some built towards those matches this week so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Roman Reigns sending the Usos after the Raw Tag Team Titles, setting up a pair of matches on Raw.

Here are Raw Tag Team Champions Rated RKBro for a chat. We get a lot of posing before Riddle talks about how stoked he is to be back on Smackdown, especially with his best friend Randy. After going on about Worcester being the name for Worcestershire sauce, but it’s named after the one in England, not this one. He learned that off of a Snapple lid, but Orton cuts him off to get serious. Orton wants the Usos out here right now so here they are for the showdown.

The Usos go on a rant about how this is their place and they’re ready for RKBro because they’re twin brothers who are ready to face anyone. Orton says he loves the family but the two of them are a******. Orton says the Big Dog left the b****** off the leash and “frick that” (his words). We hear about Orton’s career in a more fired up way than usual and the challenge is accepted. The Usos go to leave but come back in to pull Riddle off the ropes for a cheap shot, which Cole calls a hit and run.

Sasha Banks/Naomi talk trash to Rhea Ripley/Liv Morgan about Naomi vs. Ripley tonight.

RKBro asks Adam Pearce about the Tag Team Title match but they can only get Riddle vs. Jey tonight, because THAT’S ALL THEY DO FOR TAG TEAM FEUDS.

Naomi vs. Rhea Ripley

Sasha Banks and Liv Morgan are here too because we can’t just have the freaking Tag Team Title match already and have to do a bunch of singles matches first. Ripley powers her into the corner to start and then runs Naomi down with a shoulder for a bonus. A knee sends Ripley to the apron and a big boot knocks her down. Naomi follows her out but gets blasted with a clothesline as we take a break.

Back with Naomi fighting up and hitting an ax kick, followed by a bulldog into the corner. A high crossbody gives Naomi two and she faceplants Rhea for two more. Naomi grabs a full nelson of all things but gets powered into a northern lights suplex. The missile dropkick sends Naomi flying for two but she’s back with a Bubba Bomb (that explains the full nelson) into a cradle for two of her own. Ripley isn’t having that though and grabs the Riptide for the pin at 8:44. Banks looking stunned that a monster like Ripley won a match is kind of funny.

Rating: C+. It’s always nice to see Ripley getting a win like this, even if it keeps Naomi looking as middle of the road as possible. That is about all she does most of the time and the Women’s Tag Team Titles isn’t exactly some huge upgrade for her. Odds are the titles are retained on Raw though, allowing us to have Ripley and Morgan split after….a whole six weeks or so as a team?

The Usos don’t answer any questions and head into Roman Reigns’ locker room.

We look back at Happy Corbin turning on Madcap Moss.

Corbin doesn’t like Moss being called his former associate because Moss was more of a hanger on or a gopher. He blames Moss for losing his undefeated streak and now the loss of dead weight is increasing his happiness levels. Just wait until Moss becomes the laughingstock of Smackdown.

Drew Gulak, auditioning to become part of the broadcast team, asks Moss about what Corbin says. Moss says Corbin bought him his suspenders and taught him how to tell his jokes. That’s why the jokes were bad, because having an audience of bald men with a bad sense of humor will kill anyone. He isn’t worried about facing Humberto either and tells them where the Kiss Cam can go. McAfee explains the joke in case the visual didn’t explain it.

Madcap Moss vs. Humberto

Humberto knocks him into the corner so Angel can get in a cheap shot, allowing Humberto to mock the kissing deal. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Moss fights up and hits an elbow to the face. Moss pulls him out of the air for a fall away slam but the running shoulder in the corner hits Angel. Humberto takes one of his own and the Punch Line finishes for Moss at 2:28. Smart to give him a pretty decisive win, but a grudge match against Corbin isn’t exactly enthralling stuff.

Angel yells at Humberto for losing to a joke.

Charlotte comes in to see Adam Pearce but Drew Gulak interrupts to ask about how he did. Charlotte says Gulak can interview her in the middle of the ring and don’t be nervous.

Usos vs. RKBro is set for Wrestlemania Backlash.

Drew Gulak is in the ring to interview Charlotte. Gulak asks if she is ready for a hard hitting interview but is told to just hold the mic. Charlotte talks about how she turned down the I Quit match with Ronda Rousey because she wanted to keep Rousey safe. Gulak mentions that Charlotte tapped at Wrestlemania but Charlotte INSISTS that she was fixing her bra. That’s not good enough for Gulak, who thinks that had the referee been in place, Rousey would be champion.

Charlotte thinks that is out of line and asks if Drew stopped wrestling so he could hold a microphone and ask stupid questions. She thinks everyone here has quit something, but that is nothing she would ever do. Charlotte tells Gulak to get out of her ring but attacks him before he can. The Figure Eight makes Gulak tap (McAfee: “Charlotte Flair even taps out interviewers!”) and shout that he quits until referees break it up.

We recap Sami Zayn running from Drew McIntyre last week.

Ludwig Kaiser narrates a video about the awesomeness of Gunther.

Drew McIntyre vs. Sami Zayn

Sami says he’s going to prove himself here and then runs to the floor to start. McIntyre follows him out and hits Sami in the face (after avoiding punching McAfee by mistake) before taking him back inside. The Glasgow Kiss looks to set up the Claymore but Zayn runs again, this time taking the countout at 2:29.

Drew isn’t happy post match.

Ricochet is ready to defend his Intercontinental Title.

Sami Zayn runs into Adam Pearce, who makes Sami vs. McIntyre III in a lumberjack match next week.

Intercontinental Title: Ricochet vs. Jinder Mahal

Ricochet is defending and Shanky is here with Mahal. They start fast with Mahal pulling Ricochet away from the ropes for a crash to the mat. Ricochet fights back up and counters the Khallas into a rollup for two. The Recoil sets up the 630 but Shanky pulls Mahal to the floor. That’s fine with Ricochet who dives onto both of them for the big crash. Back in and the shooting star press retains the title at 2:59. Not quite a squash, but Ricochet needed any kind of a win to get him back on track after the Los Lotharios stuff.

Sheamus isn’t happy with Butch losing last week but the solution is that Butch needs to channel his aggression. They try to convince him that New Day is the enemy…but Butch slips away, because he’s treated like a child for whatever reason.

Post break, Butch, Sheamus and Ridge Holland attack New Day, making me wonder why they bothered with the “lost” deal for all of four minutes.

It’s time for part two of the Lacey Evans story. She talks about how her father caught up with her and her mother and had all kinds of anger and mental health issues. He would yell a lot and throw a bunch of things until he was eventually on the run from an assault charge. That helped her learn how to fight from a young age and she knows how to be at rock bottom. No one can phase her because she has been through worse. This continues to be a good bit too serious for a wrestling angle.

Natalya and Shayna Baszler don’t like Lacey Evans treating them like this because Lacey doesn’t respect legends. Lacey is trying to take over the locker room but here is Raquel Rodriguez to say how happy she is to meet Natalya.

Jimmy Uso vs. Riddle

Jey Uso and Randy Orton are here too. An early RKO attempt is blocked and Riddle gets sent hard into the corner. The early chinlock goes on but Riddle fights up and they go to the floor. A superkick rocks Riddle again and we take a break. Back with Riddle firing off a kick and a knee to stagger Jimmy. The Bro To Sleep into a German suplex gets two but Jimmy is back with a pop up Samoan drop. Randy and Jey get into it on the floor to distract Riddle, allowing Jimmy to kick him down. The Superfly Splash misses though and a pop up RKO finishes Jimmy at 9:02.

Rating: C+. Here we have another example of a pretty good match that meant absolutely nothing. Odds are we get every combination of these four until we get to the pay per view and while the big match will be good, it is going to have been so watered down by all of these singles matches that it will lose a bunch of impact. I would love to see WWE change up their formula a bit, but that just isn’t going to happen.

Overall Rating: D+. This was as ho hum of a regular Smackdown as I can remember in a long time. The wrestling was adequate enough but it felt like a night where they just said “oh throw whatever out there”. Mahal gets a title shot, two tag matches are built up with singles matches, Sheamus N Pals vs. New Day continues, Charlotte beats up an interviewer and a Madcap Moss feature match. No Reigns, no Rousey, no Nakamura after the end of last week’s show. It felt like they took a week off here (and they may have due to the holiday), but you can’t get a pre-taped promo in from someone that matters?

Results
Rhea Ripley b. Naomi – Riptide
Madcap Moss b. Humberto – Punch Line
Drew McIntyre b. Sami Zayn via countout
Ricochet b. Jinder Mahal – Shooting star press
Riddle b. Jimmy Uso – RKO

 

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – XXXIV (2019 Redo): Round Two

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Chloe x Hallie

I’m not sure if it’s because I was in the stadium last year or something else, but this show was actually a bit more memorable than the previous few editions. Hopefully it’s just as good watching it back but you never can tell with these things. Brock Lesnar is defending the Universal Title against Roman Reigns in the main event because of course he is so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

JR and Jerry Lawler come out for commentary with Byron Saxton for a bit of a feel good moment. It’s a brawl to start with English getting backdropped out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Anderson dumps Konnor and Ziggler starts his tradition of hanging on to avoid elimination. There goes Hawkins as we still need to clear out a lot of the ring. Former partners R-Truth and Goldust shake hands with Goldust eliminating him, cutting off JR’s Bearcat Wright’s references.

Primo is out next as there’s almost nothing between these eliminations. Kanellis gets tossed and Ziggler hangs on again. Things settle down a bit unto Apollo knees Breeze as JR mocks Ziggler for always having to save himself. Viktor is gone too and the Revival beats on Ryder but he’s right back up. The Broski Boot is loaded up on Ziggler (JR: “Ziggler in trouble. Again.”) but Rawley Pounces Ryder out in a nice touch. A Liger kick from Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows as we take a break.

Apollo getting backdropped out and Benjamin follows him…and let’s look at the announcers. We come back with Rhyno and the Revival gone and Kane eliminating Axel and Dallas. And now, we look at John Cena in the crowd as a fan, because I had forgotten about that stupid story. Back with Sin Cara eliminated by Corbin and Fandango dancing at Kane, earning himself an elimination off a single uppercut.

Corbin gets rid of Slater and Kane eliminates Gable, leaving us with the big power showdown. Everyone else jumps the monsters and it’s a superkick to Titus, setting a clothesline to get rid of him. We’re down to Corbin, Dillinger, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Hardy and Kane as Goldust loads up Shattered Dreams on Dillinger. That’s broken up by Ziggler so Goldust ties him up for Shattered Dreams as well. Dillinger takes the kick but Ziggler eliminates Goldust.

That leaves us with a TEN vs. DELETE battle with a Twist of Fate and Dillinger is gone. Kane tosses Ziggler but gets eliminated by Corbin to get us down to Corbin, Hardy and Rawley. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the villains go for the elimination….but here’s the returning Bray Wyatt for Sister Abigail into an elimination for Rawley. Corbin drops Wyatt but gets backdropped out to give Matt the win at 16:36.

Rating: D+. It was a battle royal that got a lot of time and wasn’t all that interesting. The ending was a cool moment and it’s the best way to get everyone on the card, even if most of these people mean a grand total of nothing. It’s not a good match or even anything memorable, but at least it got the crowd warmed up….with an hour to go before the show itself starts.

Post match Matt thanks Bray and we get a hug, which JR deems a Wrestlemania moment.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Tournament final to crown a new champion after Enzo Amore was finally banished. Ali debuts his SubZero look, which he still uses a year later. They’re both very happy to be there and slaps hands before getting started. Cedric scores with a shoulder block but gets headscissored down as the announcers are right there to play up the power vs. speed idea, though you don’t exactly think of power when it comes to Alexander.

Now the 054 connects for two, the first time the move has ever only gotten a near fall. Another 054 misses and it’s a pair of spinning back elbows to Ali’s face. A third turns Ali inside out and the Lumbar Check makes Cedric champion at 12:21. Cedric immediately hugs the unconscious Ali in a nice show of sportsmanship.

Rating: B. I was pulling for Ali but it felt like a title match between two guys fighting with everything they had. Cedric was the favorite in the entire tournament but Ali came off looking like a star the whole way through. This was rather good stuff and should have been the Kickoff Show main event, though I’ll take a good match when I can.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Dana Brooke, Becky Lynch, Sarah Logan, Lana, Bianca Belair, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Peyton Royce, Natalya, Dakota Kai, Mickie James, Taynara Conti, Ruby Riott, Kairi Sane, Sasha Banks, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Bayley

This was going to be the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal but history intervened and it’s just a regular battle royal this time around. Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary and the former has some advice: don’t get thrown over the top rope. Becky comes out first, everyone else comes out, followed by Sasha and Bayley to fill out the field. Miss Money in the Bank Carmella (erg) poses with the briefcase to start and everyone gangs up on her for the easy elimination.

Deville, who got the elimination, poses in the big circle of women but Dana gets thrown in the middle instead. That means trash talk from Brooke and the big beatdown is on with Mandy tossing Dana. The NXT women team up to send the main roster women outside (through the ropes rather than over, which I can’t stand in battle royals) so we can get the WE ARE NXT pose.

Becky yells at Devi about orange being HER COLOR as some of the main roster women get back in. Kai eliminates Mandy as Paige declares Deville her favorite member of Absolution. We stop for the NXT women to triple team Deville, setting up Belair’s 450, because THAT MAKES SENSE IN A BATTLE ROYAL! Deville is out and we take a break, coming back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow thanks to more ganging up on Riott during the break.

Lana and Devi are tossed and Conti gets kicked out by the Squad. Becky and Belair have a less than thrilling slugout and the hair whip is incredibly loud. Belair misses a charge though and gets kicked out, followed by Kai kicking Naomi in the face. Banks gets rid of Kai without much effort and there goes Becky to a chorus of boos (I think Becky will be fine). Ruby knocks Mickie out and it’s Royce’s turn to kick people in the face.

Logan powerbombs her out as well though and we’re down to Morgan, Logan, Riott, Bayley, Banks, Natalya and Naomi, who is out on the floor (oh dear). For some reason Natalya decides to pose with her back turned to the Squad but manages to suplex Ruby and Sarah at the same time.

Bayley saves Sasha from a suplex and helps get rid of Natalya. Morgan is out as well and there goes Ruby. Banks sends Logan to the apron and Bayley knocks her out, leaving us with Banks and Bayley. The fans actually get on their feet to cheer for this one and the handshake…lets Bayley throw Banks out to a big reaction but Naomi gets back in for the Rear View. That’s enough for the win at 9:39.

Rating: F+. I had forgotten how annoying that ending was but it makes you realize just how stupid this whole thing was. Bayley and Banks would go on to have their weird semi-feud and then partnership over the year while Naomi has done NOTHING important since this match. You have something here with Bayley and the bright idea is to do the HAHA WE TRICKED YOU ending? That’s been done to death in battle royals and it’s not like this was anything more than a surprise ending, which was really stupid given how Bayley had been searching for anything important for the last year. This actually ticked me off again so well done.

Jojo introduces Chloe and Hallie to sing America the Beautiful, describing them as the “future of music”. Well if Jojo says it then it must be true.

The opening video shows shots of parties in New Orleans and, just like in 2014, features a tagline of Let The Good Times Roll. They couldn’t come up with anything else in four years? And the theme song is still Celebrate by Kid Rock. Ok it’s a catchy song, but is there nothing else (or no one else) that they could use?

Yay pyro! And cool set with the Mardi Gras mask, which looked awesome all night long.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the lower bowl and looking not quite directly at the far post on the right side opposite the hard camera.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and we get the new idea this year: 3D graphics for some of the entrances, including Miz who gets the Miz logo and various words to describe him, including MOVIE STAR. Miz sends the Miztourage to the back because he wants to do this himself for his newborn daughter. The weird part is you couldn’t see those in the stadium (obviously) but you could see them on the screens around the building, which made your head snap around a few times.

Balor isn’t the Demon here, but instead comes out with a bunch of LGBT people in rainbow Balor Club shirts labeled FOR EVERYONE. If nothing else, it’s awesome to see the stadium doing the Balor pose at once. This was set up with both guys beating Miz in one night, because Balor beating Miz after Miz had a long match with Rollins is totally the same thing.

They all go for the way too early rollups to start with Miz being sent outside. That means Rollins can miss a Stomp on Balor but a superkick to the ribs works just fine. Balor sends Rollins outside though and it’s the big running flip dive onto both of them for the first major pop of the night. Back in and basement dropkick gives Balor two on Miz but Rollins is back in with a high crossbody.

Miz finally gets to do something other than get beaten up as we look at Cena in the crowd again. Rollins grabs a double Blockbuster for two on Miz but he’s right back up with a knee to the ribs (not face Cole). The chinlock goes on, which shouldn’t be the case less than four minutes into a triple threat. Back up and a neckbreaker gets two on Miz as they’re just trading moves until we get to the big stuff. Another chinlock seems to annoy Balor so he gets up again and hits the double stomp to Miz’s ribs.

Rollins is back in for a Sling Blade to Balor, setting up a suicide dive to Balor and Miz. A superkick drops Balor again but Miz comes in with a DDT for two. Miz goes with the strategy by bending Balor’s knee around the ropes and slapping on the Figure Four. The frog splash from Rollins (from out of nowhere for an awesome visual) breaks it up and all three of them head outside.

Balor escapes the barricade powerbomb and dropkicks them both into the barricade instead. Back in again and 1916 gets two on Rollins but Miz breaks up the Coup de Grace. Instead of the Tower of Doom though it’s the buckle bomb to Miz and a superplex into the Falcon Arrow to Balor. The Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz two on Rollins and they’re all down again.

Balor does his hop over the ropes in the corner but gets crotched for trying the Coup de Grace again. It’s just not working this time dude. Miz goes up top with Balor and catches a springboarding Rollins with something close to a super Skull Crushing Finale. Balor breaks it up with a Coup de Grace and hits a second on Miz but the Stomp breaks that up too. Another Stomp hits Miz to give Rollins the pin and the title at 15:37.

Rating: B-. This might have been a few minutes too long but Rollins winning was a fine call as he’s more than over enough and kind of fits the Workrate Champion idea to perfection. Miz can come back and break the all time days record later and Balor is over no matter what. Not a great match, but a very hot opener and the fans were into everything here.

We recap the Smackdown Women’s Title match, which is billed as the BIGGEST WOMEN’S MATCH IN WRESTLEMANIA HISTORY. My how times change. Anyway Charlotte is the queen of everything and Asuka won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot. It’s absolutely a dream match with Charlotte being Charlotte and Asuka still being undefeated.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and gets the full Ric Flair theme song, complete with a HHH from Wrestlemania XXX inspired entrance, meaning soldiers to help her off a throne and take her robe. Asuka on the other hand gets the CGI masks with rainbow colored lines surrounding them, which look cool on screen but live….not so much. They lock up to start and take turns flipping out of wristlocks for an early standoff.

Charlotte loads up a monkey flip but instead trips the leg for a failed Figure Eight attempt. You can feel the intensity here and it’s working well so far. Some chops to the chest (and one to the face) have Asuka in trouble but she’s right back with a hip attack to knock Charlotte outside. Back in and it’s time to start in on the arm but Charlotte gets in a backbreaker into an STO. Charlotte uses a Backpack Stunner to get out of a sleeper and a knee to the back of the head keeps Asuka in trouble.

It’s enough trouble for Charlotte to go up top for the moonsault….which is countered into a triangle for a sweet escape. Charlotte reverses into a Boston crab until Asuka makes the rope. A sliding kick to the face knocks Charlotte backwards and it’s back to the arm as Asuka continues to follow her game plan. They head to the apron with Asuka suplexing her out to the floor in a good looking crash. Sometimes you need to just go with a big spot like that and it worked very well.

Back in and they stare each other down until Asuka just erupts with strikes to the face. A missile dropkick gets two and Asuka stomps on the back. Charlotte is fine enough for the chops to catch Asuka on top and it’s a super Spanish Fly for two with the fans getting much more into things in a hurry. Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold from Asuka’s back for a cool change of pace.

Charlotte tries to flip out and into the Figure Eight but Asuka kicks her in the head for a block. Well that’s certainly to the point. The Asuka Lock is blocked and Charlotte hits a very good spear for two more as the fans are WAY into this. With nothing else working, Charlotte goes to the Figure Eight and bridges up with one arm….and Asuka taps at 13:05 in a shocker.

Rating: A-. I don’t get shocked by results very often but I was actually stunned to see how this went. I would have bet money on Asuka walking out as champion here but Charlotte winning was far from a ridiculous result. Now the problem is what this did to Asuka, as she only started to recover from the loss nearly a year later. Charlotte would lose the title to Carmella two days later, bringing some dark days to the belt. This however was anything but dark, with an outstanding match between two stars.

Post match Asuka gets the mic and says Charlotte was ready for her in the ultimate sign of respect.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something that makes him get out of his seat and run up the ramp. You really couldn’t wait until the women were gone so they could have the full moment?

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Orton is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Aiden English (now bald, meaning he shaved his head since the end of the battle royal when he had hair) handles Rusev’s entrance and we get my favorite shot every year: a closeup of someone with the camera swinging around to show the stadium crowd in front of them. There’s something so cool about seeing just how big of a stage they’re really on. Anyway, Rusev is crazy over and easily the crowd favorite. Does anyone else see an issue with Orton’s music saying “I hear voices in my head” while his Titantron says IN MY VEINS?

While you think about that, Orton and Mahal are sent outside, leaving Rusev to dropkick (yes dropkick) Roode to the floor. A RUSEV DAY Cannonball off the apron takes Orton and Mahal down again but Roode is back in with a Blockbuster for two on Rusev. The other two get back in and it’s Mahal getting beaten up by Orton and Roode before being tossed right back to the floor. Orton hits the top rope superplex on Roode with Rusev and Mahal diving back in for the save.

That’s enough for Mahal to ask Rusev for a partnership but Rusev doesn’t even bother waiting before hitting Mahal with a spinning belly to back suplex for two. Roode makes it worse by busting Mahal’s spine and hitting the GLORIOUS pose, only to have Orton make a save this time.

That leaves Orton alone in the ring and it’s the hanging DDT on Rusev. The RKO hits English, Rusev and Mahal so it’s Roode making a save of his own. Roode blocks the RKO and plants Orton with the Glorious DDT as Mahal saves. The Machka Kick drops Mahal but Sunil Singh offers a distraction, letting Mahal hit the Khallas for the pin on Rusev at 8:14. You could literally feel the energy go out of the crowd.

Rating: D+. There was some hard work in there but this was the definition of Vince saying screw the audience because it’s all about what I want. Rusev was one of the most popular guys in the company and had been for months but instead we get Mahal, who was an all time bomb as WWE Champion getting to pin Rusev.

It’s not like there was even a long term plan as Mahal would lose the title a mere eight days later. Rusev would indeed get the title nearly nine months later, after his popularity had fallen way down, meaning it was acceptable to give the fans what they want. This really hurt the show and it’s going to be hard to recover.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon and yeah I think this might help the recovery process. After being at Wrestlemania XXXI and attacking Stephanie, Rousey made her official WWE debut at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year. She wanted to go to Wrestlemania and since she was (at the time) the most dominant female UFC fighter of all time, Stephanie wanted to mold her into a WWE star.

Angle, who had been screwed over by Stephanie and HHH before, warned Ronda that they would mess with her too. That didn’t sit well with Rousey, who beat both of them up on the way to this mixed tag match. Naturally we got a lot of Stephanie workout videos because she’s STEPHANIE and that makes her some wrestling legend. It’s sickening, and I was waiting on her to survive the armbar in the match. It was clear that this was going to be full of smoke and mirrors, but the question is how well Rousey is going to do in her debut. This is one of the main events of the show and something a lot of people really wanted to see.

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles (flanked by four women on their own motorcycles), with Stephanie’s biker look (including the leather pants) making me a lot less annoyed at her. Cole: “Even though Stephanie is a former Women’s Champion, this is her Wrestlemania in-ring debut!” WWE pretending that Stephanie was a wrestler is one of their more interesting character tweaks. Rousey gets a huge reaction and of course smiles at the crowd, as is her custom. Cole talks about two people starting in UFC and coming to WWE: Ken Shamrock and now Rousey. So they’re not Dan Severn fans either?

The fans are WAY behind Rousey as they stare each other down in the middle. Stephanie shoves Rousey in the face because Stephanie just never learns. A hair pull doesn’t prove to be the brightest idea either so Stephanie bails to the apron so the guys can start us off. Angle (very badly) punches at HHH and the beating is on in the corner. A hammerlock keeps HHH does as we’re just waiting for this to explode as it should be doing.

Stephanie manages to lure Rousey in though and Angle gets low bridged to the floor. Cole calls this “that McMahon instinct” as the worship is already a lot to take. Angle gets sent into the steps and Rousey is about to lose it because she can’t intervene. Some more cheap shots from Stephanie keep Rousey angry and a spinebuster gives HHH two. A front facelock keeps Angle down but he gets a boot up in the corner.

Stephanie chokes Angle and HHH nearly hits her by mistake but it’s still too early for the hot tag. A suplex drops HHH again but Stephanie runs around and pulls Rousey off the apron. HHH gets whipped over the corner for the real crash and you can see the panic in Stephanie. The hot tag brings in Rousey (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!!!”) who SPRINTS over to Stephanie and throws her down with a suplex. After the required tug of the shorts, Rousey unloads with rights and lefts in the corner as the fans are already losing it. The release throw sends Stephanie back into the corner and Graves is terrified.

The fans want and receive the armbar….but Stephanie blocks it. Yes the hold that UFC fighters were powerless again is a simple block for Stephanie as the crowd’s soul is slapped down again. Stephanie blocks it a second time and rakes the eyes (Cole: “Complete manipulation of the rules!” Ignore the complete manipulation of reality and focus on those rules man.”), setting up a double arm crank as the fans try to process that they’re really doing this.

Stephanie even mocks Rousey, who grabs her by the throat and hits the swinging Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee. Rousey: “I’m going to continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls her out as well, apparently not a fan of such chatty opponents. Angle is back up and sends HHH over the announcers’ table but gets thrown onto the Spanish table. After a slow crawl, HHH is back in and sees Rousey, who is ready to fight. HHH puts the referee in the corner and sizes Rousey up and the beating is on in the corner.

A legsweep looks to set up the swinging Samoan drop but Stephanie makes a save. I know I’m not a big HHH fan a lot of the time but he just made Rousey look like the biggest star in the history of the division. Rousey chases Stephanie outside though and has to adjust the gear again, allowing Stephanie to post her. Angle is back in for some belly to belly suplexes and the rolling Germans but the ankle lock is countered. The Pedigree is countered as well and HHH gets catapulted into the corner, setting up the Angle Slam for two with no one making a save.

Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock and yells at Angle, who catches the boot to the ribs. HHH has to save his wife and Pedigrees Angle for two with Rousey making her own save this time. With Angle down, HHH loads Rousey up for a powerbomb but gets hurricanranaed (!) into the armbar on HHH (I completely bought that as the finish live) until Stephanie grabs a choke.

That’s reversed into an armbar and Stephanie has the gall to block it AGAIN. Angle ankle locks HHH, who rolls Angle into Rousey for the real save. Rousey and Angle get posted and it’s time for stereo Pedigrees, both of which are broken up. The armbar is slapped on again and this time Rousey uses the leverage to pull back and Stephanie finally taps at 20:37.

Rating: A. That’s not even on a sliding scale because Rousey knocked that out harder than she knocked out Alexis Davis. She looked like she’s been doing this for ten years and had one of the best debut matches I’ve ever seen. Everyone else was nailing it too and I got completely sucked into it both live and watching it back because all of the stuff was that good. Don’t have Stephanie block the armbar so often and this is an A+ easy.

That was the only downgrade, even though you knew full well it was coming. To be fair though, Stephanie did tap out clean in the end so it wasn’t the most ridiculous thing ever. Well the first part was but not the finish. After this, how can you now see Rousey as the star that she already was?

Stephanie has to be helped out, as she should. She would get armbarred again the next night for a bonus.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Kofi wastes no time in hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jey but Harper pulls him outside before the count. Jimmy gets sent into the steps and Harper crashes against Big E. against the barricade. With no one else to beat up, Woods gets powerbombed against the post, leaving Rowan to splash Kofi and Jey back inside. The mostly done Jey is thrown outside and Big E. gets knocked off the apron. Jimmy comes back in for a pair of superkicks and Jey is back up for stereo kicks to Harper’s head in the corner.

A jumping enziguri hits Harper and a superkick knocks Rowan to the floor, setting up a double suplex on the outside. Harper catches Kofi with a swinging release Boss Man Slam but gets caught with a double superkick on top. Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom so Kofi charges at Harper, only to get powerbombed by Rowan. An assisted super sitout powerbomb finishes Kofi to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: C-. The time cuts aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world with the Usos and the New Day giving it all they had against the monsters but not being able to stop them. The Bludgeon Brothers were the first time a team other than the Usos or New Day had held the belts in over a year so this was long, long overdue and the right call.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network, most of which actually happened for a change.

Here’s a fired up John Cena for his match with Undertaker. This comes after weeks of Cena calling out Undertaker for Wrestlemania because Undertaker seemingly retired after last year’s show. Cena came off as the biggest jerk in this feud and acting like Undertaker owed him something. There was no confirmation that Undertaker was going to be here, hence him sitting in the crowd earlier.

That’s the other stupid part of the whole thing: Cena kept talking about how he had no path to Wrestlemania, because JOHN CENA couldn’t get a match. He gave some lame excuse about how this was the only match that mattered and it didn’t do a thing to make up for the consistently annoying lines from commentary about Cena possibly being left out of Wrestlemania. I get what they were going for, but come on already.

Anyway Cena is ready to go but here’s a referee to say not so fast. Cena is disappointed and the lights go out. It’s only Elias though and Cena heads back to his seat as Elias sings about it being his night. That’s enough for Cena who runs in and beats Elias up before looking disappointed again. Cole: “I guess that would be a Wrestlemania moment right?” He goes up the ramp but stops….and the lights go out again. A spotlight hits the ring with Undertaker’s hat, coat and boots, which are hit by lighting (looks awful on the Network, looked great when you didn’t see it coming in the stadium. They’re gone, and the gong strikes.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

I know he’s been old for ten years, but that entrance live, especially in the stadium, is chilling. Cole of course can’t SHUT UP, saying everything he can think of, including calling them the two greatest performers of all time. Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner to start and hits the jumping clothesline. Old School connects and Undertaker hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the big leg have Cena rocked but the chokeslam is escaped.

Cena’s belly to back connects but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, making Cena fall down in fear. The chokeslam into the Tombstone finishes Cena at 2:48. The more I think of this one, the more I like it. Cena ran his mouth for so long and Undertaker annihilated him here, just as he should have. While a lot of people will be annoyed at not getting a full form match between these two, I’d rather they do this than have Undertaker look back in a fifteen minute match.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony.

Here’s the Hall of Fame Class, which really doesn’t need to air on the show. They already get a whole evening to themselves. Do we really need ten minutes on Wrestlemania too?

Jeff Jarrett (eh sure, though it’s still weird to see him here)

Mark Henry (still not sure on him, though his documentary was great)

Hillbilly Jim (I’m a Kentucky boy but come on)

Ivory (she looks better now than she did during her career)

Jarius JJ Robertson (Warrior Award)

Dudley Boyz (yep)

Goldberg (yep, though I’d call the Dudleys more appropriate headliners)

Oh and Kid Rock, this year’s celebrity inductee, wasn’t there because he had a concert.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens. Bryan somehow overcame his injuries and returned to the ring in something I still can barely believe. Owens and Zayn had tormented Smackdown boss Shane for months and then attacked Bryan for firing them the night he was announced as being cleared. Therefore it’s a tag match with Owens and Zayn fighting for their jobs. Yeah that’s all well and good. The point here is Bryan actually getting back in the ring, which is almost impossible to imagine.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon

Owens and Zayn beat McMahon up on Smackdown to cover for Shane’s legitimate medical issues. Chris Jericho was apparently on red phone alert for this show with a plan to have him fly in from a Fozzy show on the corporate jet in case Shane couldn’t make the show. Bryan gets a special entrance with a weird military/Terminator themed video showing a target on the Superdome before looking at the YES Movement spreading throughout the world in a cool moment. You can feel the emotions in Bryan as he comes down the aisle and it’s an amazing sight to behold.

Owens and Zayn jump the good guys from behind and Shane gets thrown over the barricade. Bryan takes a Helluva kick and the apron powerbomb to leave him laying. Medics come out to check on Bryan as yes, they actually are trying to stretch this out even further. Shane is willing to fight on his own and unloads with the really bad punches to Owens in the corner.

There’s the jumping back elbow but Shane grabs his stomach due to the diverticulitis (the same thing that ruined Lesnar’s UFC career). A DDT drops Sami but Owens gets in a shot to the stomach to cut Shane off. We settle down into a regular match with Sami elbowing the ribs and going for one cover after another. Owens steps on the ribs and applauds Bryan for such a great return. A t-bone suplex gives Sami two and a superkick into the Blue Thunder Bomb is good for the same. The fans don’t care about this whatsoever and there’s no reason for them to.

With Bryan STILL being tended to at ringside, it’s just a big waiting game until Bryan gets back up and makes the hot tag. The Helluva Kick misses in the corner and Sami gets tied in the Tree of Woe. Coast to Coast hits but Shane can’t follow up because of the stomach. Owens drops the frog splash on Shane but Bryan dives in for the save to bring the fans back to life. The hot tag is cut off though and we hit the chinlock to make the fans wait a little longer. A belly to back suplex gets Shane out of trouble though and there’s the tag, with Bryan taking his time before getting in for an awesome moment.

House is cleaned and it’s the moonsault over Sami into the running clothesline. Owens comes back in and Bryan gets them in opposite corners for alternating running dropkicks. Sami is back with a Helluva Kick for two on Bryan and Owens superkicks Shane to the floor. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets two more and Owens is shocked at the kickout. Shane dives onto Owens, leaving Sami to yell at Bryan for coming back and punch him in the face. That’s enough for Bryan and the fight is on, including the YES Kicks. The running knee sets up the YES Lock to make Sami tap at 15:24.

Rating: C+. This was two matches in one with the rather boring beatdown of Shane for the first half before Bryan came in and gave the fans exactly what they wanted for the second half. It was all about Bryan and that’s all it was supposed to be. The idea that he actually made it back to the ring is amazing and one of the most surprising stories you’ll ever see in wrestling. He deserved a big moment like this and that’s what we got here, albeit after Shane got in his own time of course.

Attendance announcement, with pyro because it’s Wrestlemania.

We recap Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss. They were friends, but Jax found out that Bliss was making fun of her behind her back. Jax went into monster mode and chased after Bliss and her friend Mickie James, setting up this match. Now there’s no reason this shouldn’t be about thirty seconds long, but it’s Wrestlemania and what matters is getting on the card and having a long match instead of doing what makes sense.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Bliss, with James in her corner, is defending and is lowered down to the stage on a platform for a nice touch. We get the Big Match Intros and Bliss immediately backs up as she should. Jax gets smart and runs Mickie over before the bell rings to send her outside for a heck of a beatdown. Bliss tries to intervene and gets glared back to the ring, leaving James to take a Samoan drop on the floor.

We get back inside for the opening bell and Bliss slaps her in the face. That earns a scream from Nia so Bliss screams back in true scream queen fashion. A gorilla press slam has Bliss bailing to the floor and it’s time to leave, only to have Nia run her over again. Back in and Bliss pokes her in the eye before going after the knee in a smart move.

What’s not a smart move is this match already going nearly three minutes with Bliss getting in any significant offense. A basement dropkick keeps Jax in trouble but a guillotine choke is easily countered via an overhead belly to belly suplex. Jax goes shoulder first into the post as the fans are quiet all over again. Twisted Bliss to a standing Nia on the floor gives Bliss another knockdown, setting up the short DDT for two back inside.

Bliss yells at her so Nia tells her to shut up already and the destruction begins. Another poke to the eye is no sold and Bliss gets whipped hard into the buckles. Bliss goes to the eye again to get out of the Samoan drop but Jax drives her into the corner and then drops her. That’s not enough as it’s a super Samoan drop to give Jax the pin and the title at 9:02.

Rating: D-. What were they thinking here? The whole story was that Bliss was all talk and survived because of Nia but then she hangs with Nia for the better part of ten minutes? This should have been thirty seconds long with Bliss getting the title back later on (as she did in June) after coming back from getting squashed. Just a bad idea all around here, save for Jax FINALLY winning the title.

We recap AJ Styles defending the Smackdown World Title against Shinsuke Nakamura. They had a classic match in Japan and a lot of fans wanted to see it again in WWE. Nakamura won the Royal Rumble and the match was on, with both guys trying to get in the other’s head on the way to New Orleans. So yeah, they’re just going with “it’s a dream match” for the build, which works just fine.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by Nita Strauss (awesome guitar player and rather gorgeous at the same time). The army of violinists and drummers help too. Since WWE can’t go more than five minutes without making some kind of a mistake, AJ is billed as Universal Champion. They lock up to start with Nakamura getting the better of it with some knees to the ribs.

Good Vibrations is blocked and AJ gets in his own knee before starting in on the back. Styles grabs a chinlock for a bit before dropkicking him to the floor. That’s not the best idea though as it’s a kick to the head to stagger Styles and the champ is in trouble for the first time. Nakamura’s middle rope kick to the face gets two and that’s a COME ON to set up the strikes to the face.

The running knee to the ribs in the corner gets two but AJ is right back with a belly to back faceplant. A sliding forearm into the pumphandle gutbuster gets two on Nakamura as they’re trading big spots. AJ’s springboard is countered into the Landslide (Samoan driver) for two but Nakamura needs a minute before following up. With nothing else working, Nakamura goes with the kicks, which are countered into the Calf Crusher.

Since it’s Nakamura, that’s reversed into a triangle choke, which AJ powers into something like a fisherman’s buster for another double knockdown. It’s Nakamura up first and trying a running knee in the corner but the bad knee hit the buckle instead. AJ is right back with a Phenomenal Forearm for two in the required kickout of the first finisher.

The springboard 450 hits knees and Nakamura grabs a small package for two of his own. They slug it out until AJ nails the Pele but can’t follow up, allowing Nakamura to knee him in the back of the head for a much nearer fall. The reverse exploder looks to set up the Kinshasa but AJ rolls through into the Styles Clash for the pin to retain at 20:21.

Rating: B+. This was close to being a classic but it’s really just a very good match instead. Part of the problem here is how late the match came in the show. The fans were starting to get worn down and there was only so much energy left in the people. Also it never quite got to the epic level that they were shooting for with Nakamura never really getting the close near falls that he needed to take it to another level. Still that, very good and worthy of a Wrestlemania title match.

We recap the Kickoff Show. This is another few minutes that could be cut off.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

The Bar is defending after Strowman won a battle royal to become #1 contenders despite not having a partner. Therefore the big question for over a month is who would the partner be. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float, complete with people in large headed costumes for a cool visual. There’s no partner for Strowman, who breaks up the float before coming to the ring.

Strowman and the kid get in the ring where the kid is introduced as Nicholas (the son of referee John Cone). Cole: “This is really happening.” He’s never been more right. Oh and the search for a partner and introduction took about four and a half minutes, again because this show can just keep going. Strowman takes Sheamus into the corner with no problem to start before beating up Cesaro as well.

Nicholas is terrified (as he should be) as Cesaro dropkicks Strowman in the knee. A double suplex lets Sheamus drop a top rope knee, setting up an assisted swanton from Sheamus’ shoulders. Strowman comes back with a double crossbody and backdrops Sheamus over the top, bouncing him off the post in the process. To cap it off, Strowman tags Nicholas in. The kid is terrified and tags Strowman back in for the powerslam to Cesaro for the pin and the titles at 3:58.

Rating: F. I….what do you want from me here? This was an idea that completely failed because WWE had no idea what to do here and this is all they could do. Put Heath Slater or someone in there, or have Strowman do a rendition of Me And My Shadow and have him win it by himself. It was a joke that was literally forgotten the next night and stretched the show out even more because they couldn’t just cut this and put Strowman ANYWHERE else. I’m sure Matt Hardy had to win the battle royal right?

Wrestlemania 35 is in New York/Jersey. You don’t hear New Jersey mentioned here, but I guess it’s just implied.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. It’s the latest attempt to make Reigns feel like the mega star because the first few times didn’t take. Therefore he won the Elimination Chamber (beating Strowman after Strowman eliminated everyone else), THIS TIME FOR SURE! Lesnar has been champion for a year and barely ever defends the title, because that was so successful the first few times. Their fights over the last few weeks get the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and WOW the fans are not happy to see him. To make it a little better, Brock drives him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, followed by the German suplexes. Reigns pops up with a Superman Punch to send Brock to the floor as they’re starting fast again. Back in and a clothesline knocks Lesnar over the top and out to the floor as the fans chant things to amuse themselves.

Lesnar catches him with a belly to belly on the floor and another one drops Reigns on his head. There’s the required CM PUNK chant and a third belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the announcers’ table because Brock didn’t realize how much room he had. Back in and Lesnar throws another German suplex, declaring it SUPLEX CITY B****. More suplexes ensue because that’s what Lesnar does in a big time match. Brock gets tired of that and loads up the announcers’ table but Reigns posts him for a much needed breather.

A spear puts Lesnar onto (not through) another table as the fans boo the heck out of this. Or maybe they’re mad about losing a beach ball. The Superman Punch into a pair of spears gets two and now the fans are definitely happy with a beach ball. Brock blocks a spear with a knee to the face that brings Graves out of his chair.

The first F5 gets two and virtually no reaction from the crowd. Another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. To switch it up, another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. The fans declare it boring so Lesnar takes him outside for the fourth F5 through the announcers’ table. Lesnar takes it back inside and stands there as the fans do something else in the crowd that goes from cheering to booing during the same closeup.

The fifth F5 gets two so Lesnar takes the gloves off at Heyman’s orders. The fans call it awful as Lesnar hammers away to bust Reigns open. It’s quite the gusher but Reigns slips out of the F5 and hits a pair of spears for two. Another spear is countered into the sixth F5 to retain the title at 15:51.

Rating: D+. Well of course he does. The problem here is that there is good action in the match but it’s too much of the same stuff and the fans having none of it that took away its value. Couple that with knowing that we’re just waiting on even more Reigns title shots and promos about needing to be champion and there was no way this was going to work. The fans (including myself) were done with this WAY before the match started and that’s all there was to it.

Reigns gets cleaned up and we get the long video package. Back in the stadium, Reigns leaves and the show ends. I stood around for a long time while this was going on because the video doesn’t play in the stadium and it wasn’t clear if the show was over or not.

Overall Rating: C-. I know I (and a lot of other people) say it over and over but it’s just too long. There is a limit to how long you can sit watching wrestling in person or at home and Wrestlemania has blown past that for years now. At some point you just stop caring and there’s very little that can be done to fix such a problem. They need to do something because this isn’t going to work no matter what they do. Cut out a lot of stuff and it’s a great show, but the whole package didn’t work.

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, such as the opener, AJ vs. Nakamura, Charlotte vs. Asuka, the mixed tag and a few other moments here and there. The problem is there’s so much other stuff that either doesn’t work (the main event, the Raw Women’s Title match and the Raw Tag Team Titles are great places to start) that it really doesn’t work. Get rid of some of that and the show is that much better.

Overall, it comes down to the problem of WWE not listening to the fans. They can throw out as much good content as they want, but if you do it to annoy the fans (the US Title match) or to stretch things out even further past its expiration point (the Universal Title), it’s going to come back to mess things up. There is so much on here that fans don’t want to see and WWE just won’t fix it.

That doesn’t help the length either. If you have a show where the final match is something the fans do not want to see, you’re going to have them sitting there, already annoyed at other things in the show, for hours waiting to see something that only WWE seems interested in. How is that supposed to be appealing for over seven hours? Cut it down, give us something else to cheer for, and remember that Wrestlemania is supposed to be about the best of the best, not everyone on the roster.

Ratings Comparison

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander

Original: B-

Redo: B

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: F+

Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor

Original: B

Redo: B-

Charlotte vs. Asuka

Original: A-

Redo: A

Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev vs. Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode

Original: D

Redo: D+

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey

Original: A-

Redo: A

New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: B+

Braun Strowman/Nicholas vs. The Bar

Original: F

Redo: F

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

This is an interesting one as most of the matches are within the same ballpark but I liked the show a lot better the first time around. Maybe the good was more fun just after the show, but this really didn’t do it for me nearly as well on another viewing. It’s watchable, but definitely not a very good show.

Here’s the original if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/04/14/wrestlemania-xxxiv-the-same-old-story/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 




Wrestlemania Count-Up – XXXIII (2018 Redo): The Last/Long Ride

Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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