Jim Ross/Steve Austin vs. HHH/Chyna

HHH jumps Ross before Austin gets here until Steve runs out for the save. The male wrestlers brawl up the aisle as Chyna, the #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title, beats on Ross in the ring. Austin suplexes HHH on the stage before they fight back down to ringside and into the crowd. HHH gets whipped into a barricade in the audience and they head out of the arena.

This leaves Chyna alone with Ross as the beating is on. A Pedigree lays Jim out but Jeff Jarrett comes out and nails Chyna with a toaster. This brings out Jarrett’s lackey Miss Kitty with a laundry basket, which Chyna is dropped into and taken to the back. Austin and HHH come back in to fight at a beer stand and HHH is left laying as Austin says he has a friend for HHH….and that’s it.

Rating: N/A. This was nothing and not a match for the most part. It was much more of an angle than anything else and a good way to combine the two big matches on Sunday into one. The best thing here was that Jarrett didn’t act like a face but acted as he should have for his story. That’s the kind of shade of gray you don’t get anymore but was a good thing back in the day.

Ross would get in the ring again to fight off Lance Storm and William Regal when they messed with the commentators. From Raw on December 23, 2002.

William Regal/Lance Storm vs. Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler

Lawler starts (of course) with Regal but it’s quickly off to Storm for a headlock. Jerry avoids an elbow and nails a dropkick, allowing Ross to get in a right hand for two. Regal comes in off a blind tag and works over Lawler before the double teaming begins. Storm accidentally forearms Regal down and Jerry cleans as much house as he can.

The middle rope fist gets two on William and the referee goes down. Lawler hammers on Regal but a low blow puts him down. That’s enough for Ross who tags himself in and picks up Regal’s brass knuckles. Storm comes in from behind though, drawing in the Dudleys for a 3D on Lance. Ross knocks Regal silly for the pin.

Rating: C. The match was nothing of course but what are you expecting from these guys? The reason for the high rating is this was in Oklahoma City and one of the only times in history where Ross was made to look like a big deal in his hometown. Really fun and a feel good moment with the Oklahoma marching band playing Ross’ theme song after the match.

Uncle Eric Bischoff was required to bring in Steve Austin or be fired. Here’s his preview match on Raw, February 17, 2003.

Eric Bischoff vs. Jim Ross

Bischoff breaks some boards and a watermelon before the match to show how awesome he is. JR comes to the ring in his announcing clothes and Eric makes it no holds barred because he can. He looks at Morely as he says this to really hammer in the idea. Lawler is really worried but of course he stays seated.

Bischoff does some karate poses but gets punched in the face. Morely comes in to beat JR down and puts a cinder block against Ross’ head so Bischoff can kick it in half. This finally brings Lawler down to take Morely down, but a Bischoff distraction lets Morely take the King down. JR is busted open. More kicks put Ross down and Bischoff covers him with a half nelson for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling. I’m not sure what it was, but it wasn’t wrestling. I’d like to point out that we’re spending the last segment of a show showing how Eric Bischoff could be a threat to STEVE AUSTIN. At least with Vince he would have some major backup, but Eric is going to have who? Morely? That’s supposed to be intriguing?

Another day, another threat to Lawler and King on commetary. From Unforgiven 2003.

Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler vs. Al Snow/Jonathan Coachman

The winner to do the announcing for Raw. Yes, they asked people to pay $34.95 for this. There’s no commentary for this. I think I can get by without the extra jokes somehow. The wrestlers start and Lawler kind of botches a rollup. Ok then. The lack of commentary is weird here but then again I’m watching Ross and Coach on PPV. You can hear them shouting at each other a lot better which is weird to hear.

That might be Ross’ big mouth though so there we are. Snow “hits” a clothesline and I say that in the weakest sense of the word hit. Snow, being younger and better at this point, dominates as we’re just waiting on the other guys to come in and make it a comedy match. Coach is the team captain apparently. Oh dear. There’s the piledriver on Snow and JR does commentary from the apron. The foot gets to the ropes but Snow sold that like he had an anvil fall on his head so I can’t complain there.

And it’s Coach time, which has even Snow wondering what the heck he’s doing. As usual, Lawler’s offense is shall we say limited? The middle rope punch hits but Snow makes the save. Ross gets a blind tag and the referee is fine with it I guess. He beats up Coach for awhile and I see why he stayed in the booth for his career.

Coach keeps shouting not in the face which is funny. And here’s Jericho to kick Ross in the head and let Coach and Snow become the Raw announcers tomorrow. Ross would beat Coach in 8 days to get the sanity back. Jericho says this is to get back at Austin for no apparent reason.

Rating: F. Seriously, do I need to explain why this going on for 8 minutes was a bad idea? It was mainly Al Snow vs. Jerry Lawler and someone thought this was a good idea. Here’s the thing: no one really cares about announcers in a national company. Wait scratch that. They do care about them, but only the way they sound. We don’t want to see them in the ring other than a once a year match from Lawler in Memphis. That’s it. Now stop doing this nonsense.

Another mismatch, this time from Raw in MSG on April 18, 2005.

Jim Ross vs. HHH

No DQ. HHH offers a handshake but Ross won’t go for it. Instead HHH nails him in the ribs and the beating is on. Ross actually nails a right hand to the jaw and Lawler goes into an even bigger cheerleader mode. HHH hammers away and yells at the referee as Ross is busted open. HHH rips off the Oklahoma jersey and it’s time for a whipping. Lawler FINALLY gets off commentary as HHH is choking with the belt.

Flair comes in and distracts Jerry, allowing a Pedigree to put the King down. Cue Batista in the back after having been sent on a chase by HHH or something. The brawl is on with the World Heavyweight Champion (Big Dave) cleaning house but Flair brings in a chair, allowing HHH to lay Batista out. The Pedigree is countered and a HUGE chair shot knocks HHH silly. Batista drags JR over and it’s a huge upset.

Rating: D+. Again not really a match but it gives more fuel to HHH vs. Batista II at Backlash. Batista was awesome at this point and the fans in New York ate him up. HHH was always one to put himself over, but he made Batista look amazing around this point. Ross winning was a nice smile.

Ross and Michael Cole would have a feud over Cole being a jerk, setting up this match on Raw, April 25, 2011.

Michael Cole vs. Jim Ross

Booker T is on commentary now which I believe is the 9th consecutive week that the announce team has changed during the show. Lawler gets up to be in JR’s corner. Ross is in dress pants and an Oklahoma football jersey. The seconds are on the apron instead of the floor. Cole makes fun or Ross’ weight and they circle each other a lot. A minute in and we’ve had no contact.

Cole, in his orange singlet, dances around a lot as Ross throws right hands. Cole hits the floor as we’ve had no serious contact after two minutes. Cole puts JR’s hat on then takes it off and stomps on it. Cole has a lot of tattoos. Swagger towels Cole off and he does some pushups. We’ve now reached the length of Sheamus vs. Kofi with no contact yet. Ross finally grabs Cole and shoves him down.

Cole calls for timeout and Swagger puts a stool in the corner. There’s a spit bucket and water. Cole actually tries to slam him so Ross hammers on him with some ground and…..with some ground and……no I just can’t say it. Cole tries to run and Lawler throws him back in. Swagger takes down Cole and then comes in for the DQ at 4:35.

Rating: F-. Oh just…..no. We get it: Cole is a jerk that everyone hates. This needs to END. It’s played beyond belief and I have a bad feeling that it’s going to keep going after Extreme Rules.

Here’s the in ring blowoff for the Cole feud, from Extreme Rules 2011.

Michael Cole/Jack Swagger vs. Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler

Country whipping match here, which means they all have straps. Cole, I kid you not, is wrapped in bubble wrap. Ross has a legit broken hand after beating Cole up Monday. Cole gives us his resume as a reporter and insults all of Florida by saying everyone is old. Lawler vs. Cole to start as Lawler can’t hurt him. Lawler goes for the only unprotected part: Cole’s face. There goes the bubble wrap and it’s off to Swagger.

Basically this is Lawler vs. Swagger for all intents and purposes as they have a one on one match for a few minutes. Lawler gets him down but takes a chop block as he goes after Cole. Ankle Lock goes on for like 30 seconds as Ross WEAKLY hits Swagger to break the hold. Off to JR who puts an ankle lock on Swagger! Swagger escapes and I think accidently tags Cole. Ross wastes WAY too much time for a clothesline and whips Cole a bit. Ankle lock goes on Cole and even takes Swagger out with a low blow. He turns to whip Swagger….and gets rolled up by Cole to end it. Dang it this is going to keep going isn’t it?

Rating: F. Hey look, Cole wins again and gets to run his mouth a bit more. Not as bad as Mania but still, DO SOMETHING ELSE! This has been done and it’s been done multiple times already so why do they keep going with it? Cole can still be a jerk but give us SOMETHING for a change instead. Match sucked too.

We’ll wrap it up with JR in a tag match on Raw, October 15, 2011 in Mexico City.

John Cena/Jim Ross vs. Alberto Del Rio/Michael Cole

The announcers start us off and Cole talks a lot of trash until JR clocks him. Off to the wrestlers for a wrestling match. What a concept. Alberto and Cena smirk at each other and speed things up. The fans are booing Cena…I think. Off to a chinlock by the champ and the fans are cheering for Cena. Now it’s Cena with the chinlock as Josh says Cena weighs 251lbs. That means he gained 20 pounds since his entrance.

Del Rio takes over and we’re waiting on the hot tag to Ross it seems. Cole gets some pikes in at Cena and Del Rio gets two. Alberto hits a top rope shot to the head and some kicks. Cena can’t see Alberto. Back to the chinlock and the fans cheer Cena but aren’t really booing Alberto. The Mexican gets a German on the American for two. Cena fires off some stuff but a running enziguri in the corner stops him for two.

Alberto goes up but misses a senton back splash and Cena engages his finishing sequence. Del Rio runs from the AA and tags in Cole. Cena gives him kind of a belly to belly to bring him in and makes the hot tag to JR. Is JR a big deal in Mexico? I mean, wouldn’t he be on the English commentary team which most people in Mexico don’t hear? An AA ends Cole and JR gets the win with an ankle lock at 11:40.

Rating: D+. Man this was boring. The Spanish/English/JR thing is still confusing but again it’s WWE which at the moment is pretty stupid. I wasn’t into this match for the most part because it was just Del Rio vs. Cena and then a screwy ending. Not much to see here and another weak main event from Raw, which is becoming a tradition.

While I like Heyman getting in the ring, there’s just something wrong about Ross being out there. There’s something I don’t care for about it and I can’t put my finger on it. Ross is as much of a commentator as you can find but he’s far less of a character than most other commentators. Thankfully he never tried to wrestle and his appearances didn’t happen all that often.

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This is a very dull time for WWE as so much of the Summerslam build is already done and there are still four weeks to go before the show. They’re already running out of things to put on the shows so you can expect a lot of filler instead of interesting ideas. Also you can see the Network plugs coming from here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Orton attacking Reigns last week.

Here’s the Authority in full force to open things up. HHH talks about how we can watch Summerslam in two weeks on the WWE Network for just $9.99. He lists off a few more matches and mentions the Network price three or four more times. As for tonight, there’s going to be a Beat the Clock Challenge between Rollins (vs. Van Dam) and Ambrose (vs. Del Rio) with the winner picking the stipulation for the match at Summerslam (“Available on the WWE Network for just $9.99!”).

Stephanie talks about signing the contract with Brie tonight and how that’s going to be on the Network for….well you know the idea by now. So does the crowd as they’re finishing HHH’s lines for him. Lawler is cracking jokes about it as well, even though HHH is clearly hammering it home to play up the heel heat.

Orton says that what he did last week was nothing compared to what he’s going to do to him at Summerslam. This brings out Reigns who says that he wants to fight tonight, but HHH has another idea. They’ll fight at Summerslam (“On the WWE Network for just $9.99!”) but tonight, it’s Reigns vs. Kane in a last man standing match.

Kane vs. Roman Reigns

Last man standing. Reigns hammers away to start as the announcers talk about the Network even more. They head outside with Reigns being hammered up against the barricade and then sent into the steps for a five count. Reigns is sent into the post a few more times as the announcers continue to hammer the $9.99 joke into the ground to the point where I’m laughing at it.

We take an early break and come back with Reigns reversing Kane into a chair wedged into the corner. Some charges into the corner have Kane in even more trouble and Roman hammers away with right hands. There’s the apron boot but Kane blocks a spear. A table is brought in and Kane counters a Superman Punch into a quick chokeslam to put Reigns through the wood for nine.

Kane is frustrated and sets up a chair in the middle of the ring. The tombstone is countered and Reigns hits a DDT onto the chair. Reigns hits the Superman Punch but charges into another chokeslam. Reigns slips out again and nails a bad spear to keep Kane down for the ten count at 15:16.

Rating: C-. Well that happened. I have no idea why but it happened. This idea of throwing gimmick matches onto the card is a really bad idea. It wasn’t a very good last man standing match either as there was no way Kane was going to win. Reigns beating Kane is a good thing, but not in an unnecessary gimmick match.

We get a LONG (as in about five minutes) video on Brock vs. Cena, with sitdown promos from both guys, talking about how awesome they are and saying this is going to be the fight of their lives, even though Brock knows he’s going to win. This is a really solid video with clips of the Extreme Rules match and the Streak being broken. We even get stills from some UFC fights. Brock says if he had stayed in the WWE, Cena would be sitting at home eating Fruity Pebbles instead of getting paid to eat them on TV. Lesnar promises to leave Cena in a pool of his own blood.

Network plug.

Here’s Damien Sandow as an Oklahoma Sooner football player. He rips on the Texas Longhorns before his opponent is announced as a former Longhorn.

Mark Henry vs. Damien Sandow

World’s Strongest Slam, Henry walks around, pin in 40 seconds. Not quite the battle to save Christmas.

Adam Rose is in the back and looks at the Oculus Mirror. He says it shows your nightmare, so we see him in a suit as a businessman. Rose and the Rosebuds leave after this STUPID segment.

Beat the Clock: Dean Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio

Jerry: “I hope this match goes 10:39.” Cole: “Why?” Jerry: “Then it would be 9.99!” Del Rio takes over with some kicks including a dropkick to the back of the head for two. Some choking in the corner has Dean in trouble but he comes back with some right hands of his own. They head outside with Del Rio sending Ambrose hard into the barricade. Back in and Del Rio hammers away on the bad arm and sends it into the post.

An armbar goes nowhere and Del Rio jumps into a boot. Dean makes his comeback but gets caught by the low superkick for two. Alberto sends him out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Deal fighting out of another armbar but getting taken right back down. Del Rio accidentally kicks the post instead of Dean’s shoulder and gets caught in a DDT.

Del Rio counters the Dirty Deeds and hits a VERY low reverse superplex for two. The Rebound Clothesline gets two on Alberto but he counters Dirty Deeds into a Codebreaker on the arm. The armbreaker over the ropes has the arm in even more trouble but Dean nails Dirty Deeds for the pin at 15:42.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here as they could have done this in about half the time. The arm stuff is fine but it gets annoying to see it week after week after week. Del Rio being down in the midcard is a good thing for him as he just does not fit in the main event. Ambrose vs. Rollins should rock, as long as they keep the energy up.

Long recap of Stephanie and Brie last week.

Rusev vs. Sin Cara

This match took place during the break on the WWE App with Rusev winning a squash in about 45 seconds via the Accolade. Uh….sweet?

Post match we get pictures of Obama holding a dog and Putin holding what looks like a cheetah. Lana sings Happy Birthday to Obama in Russian until Colter and Swagger interrupt. Colter goes on a rant about how everyone is sick of Lana’s Russian ramblings and shows some photos of American men and women Swagger is fighting for. He cranks it up by showing stills of American soldiers and the USA chant begins. Rusev and Lana pretend to back off but Rusev nails Swagger with the Russian flag. Colter is left alone but Lana calls Rusev off.

The big Network announcement: it’s going international on August 12 and to England on October 1.

Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler

Miz is on commentary drinking tea because he has a hoarse voice. Cesaro throws Ziggler around with ease but has a suplex reversed into the Zig Zag for the pin at 2:58. Nothing match but Cesaro gets to job AGAIN.

Post match Miz gets in the ring but runs from a superkick.

After a clip of Paige knocking AJ off the stage last week, Paige says she admires AJ and that she can’t wait for their match at Summerslam.

Stardust/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Goldust hammers on Ryback to start but gets taken into the wrong corner for some quick double teaming. A suplex gets two on Goldust and it’s off to Axel, who quickly allows Goldust to roll over for the tag to Stardust. Everything breaks down and Dark Matter (Downward Spiral) to Axel gets the pin at 2:50.

Kane comes in to see the Authority and takes off his mask, hands it to Stephanie, and leaves.

Chris Jericho vs. Luke Harper

If Jericho wins, Harper is barred from ringside at Summerslam. Jericho gets taken down into the corner but comes back with chops, only to get run over with a forearm. Off to the Gator Roll but Jericho fights up again with chops. An enziguri gets two on Luke but he comes back with a Michinoku Driver for the same.

There’s a big sitout powerbomb for the same and Harper calmly smiles. Back up and Jericho grabs the Walls but Bray comes out for a distraction. Harper is down so Jericho has to hit the Codebreaker on Harper. The distraction….doesn’t work as a Codebreaker puts Harper on the floor, only to have Bray come in for the DQ at 5:20.

Rating: C. This was fine and sets up Jericho vs. Bray one on one at Summerslam, but I really would have liked to see Harper vs. Jericho get about fifteen minutes instead of five. The ending was kind of surprising, but at least Bray’s distraction wasn’t the cause of a pin. It seems like they’re almost mocking that now, so maybe its time is almost over.

Sister Abigail lays out Jericho post match.

AJ Lee returns tomorrow night on Main Event. In other words, she missed Raw and has been gone for three days?

Diego vs. Fandango

Because THIS needed a trilogy. This time, Fandango has Hornswoggle as his new dance partner. Diego easily takes Fandango down but gets distracted by Hornswoggle. It backfires on the dancer though and another Backstabber gets the pin on Fandango at 48 seconds.

Hornswoggle joins Diego, Torito, and the girls but Fandango gets annoyed. That goes nowhere and Fandango is dispatched again, because this story needed to be done three times.

Orton looks at a video of his attack on Reigns last week and says that he’s going to do even worse at Summerslam.

Bo Dallas vs. R-Truth

Now how did I know it would be R-Truth again? Truth shoves him around to start but misses the ax kick. Dallas rolls him up with a handful of tights for the pin at 1:05.

JBL now has a $9.99 sign.

Bray comes up on screen and asks why the man does what he does. Why does the man say what he says and why don’t the sheep run from the hungry wolf? At Summerslam, he enters battle without his brothers. He won’t be alone though because her hand guides him and the world leaves him behind. How can Jericho save what is already dead? What is Bray? He’s the nightmare at the end of Jericho’s dreams and he stands beyond time. Time to sing.

The announcers plug Brock vs. Cena from Extreme Rules airing immediately after Raw on the Network.

More from the Lesnar and Cena interviews in another solid video. This is a nice way to cover Brock and Cena not being there tonight. This time Brock says he’s back to be WWE Champion and is coming off the biggest win of his career. Why shouldn’t he have been able to beat Undertaker? The Undertaker wasn’t a god and Brock Lesnar is a beast. Now why can’t he beat Cena? John talks about how he knows what kind of a beating he’s in for but he knows what it takes to beat Brock. If Lesnar wants some, come get some. We get some of the same clips from the first video as well.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins

I forgot this was happening. Seth has to beat 15:42. JBL actually picks Van Dam to win here because Seth is going to be thinking about the clock. Actually scratch this as the Authority has a replacement for Van Dam.

Beat The Clock Challenge: Heath Slater vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins allows Slater to leave but Heath fires off some right hands. Ambrose comes out for a distraction, allowing Slater to get a VERY close two off a running neckbreaker. Now Dean takes the briefcase and starts looking through it, even ripping up Seth’s contract. This distraction lets Slater hit a side kick for an even closer two. Dean starts drinking a fan’s soda and pours it into the briefcase. He follows it up with popcorn and JBL’s hat as Rollins keeps shouting at him. Dean gets up on the table, and you know that’s enough for Slater to get a rollup pin at 4:56.

Rating: D+. I’m skeptical to rate this as a wrestling match but it was really solid as an angle. Dean playing the mind games before the showdown is nothing but gold and the showdown is going to be awesome. The stipulations could make or break the match though as they need to have an all out brawl.

One more Network ad, this time for the Cena vs. Lesnar match from 2012 airing after the show.

Time for the main event segment: Brie and Stephanie’s contract signing. HHH comes out to back up his wife and Brie of course has Nikki. HHH says that he’s the COO and would usually be in charge of this, but since he has a conflict of interest, it’s Michael Cole in charge. The bosses kiss a bit so Brie says let’s get to it. Stephanie finally brings up Daniel Bryan, who is still recovering.

Brie shows us Stephanie being arrested two weeks ago to drag this out even more. She makes some bizarre references to Stephanie being with some woman during her time in jail before saying she’ll humiliate Stephanie in front of the universe at Summerslam. This is going to be for Daniel Bryan, Vickie Guerrero, the Rhodes Family, and every other person on the roster that Stephanie has tortured. A quick Punk chant starts up as Brie talks about karma coming around onto Stephanie.

Now it’s Stephanie’s turn as she calls Brie a wannabe reality star who stole the spotlight from her sister and abandoned her husband. Stephanie is already embarrassed to be in the same ring as Brie and isn’t going to let her make history at Summerslam. She slaps Nikki and shoves the table into Brie’s stomach, sending her into the corner. A Pedigree from Stephanie lays out Nikki but Brie slaps HHH. Stephanie nails Brie and lays her out with a Pedigree as well. The Authority kisses some more to end the show.

Time for the main event segment: Brie and Stephanie’s contract signing. HHH comes out to back up his wife and Brie of course has Nikki. HHH says that he’s the COO and would usually be in charge of this, but since he has a conflict of interest, it’s Michael Cole in charge. The bosses kiss a bit so Brie says let’s get to it. Stephanie finally brings up Daniel Bryan, who is still recovering.

Brie shows us Stephanie being arrested two weeks ago to drag this out even more. She makes some bizarre references to Stephanie being with some woman during her time in jail before saying she’ll humiliate Stephanie in front of the universe at Summerslam. This is going to be for Daniel Bryan, Vickie Guerrero, the Rhodes Family, and every other person on the roster that Stephanie has tortured. A quick Punk chant starts up as Brie talks about karma coming around onto Stephanie.

Now it’s Stephanie’s turn as she calls Brie a wannabe reality star who stole the spotlight from her sister and abandoned her husband. Stephanie is already embarrassed to be in the same ring as Brie and isn’t going to let her make history at Summerslam. She slaps Nikki and shoves the table into Brie’s stomach, sending her into the corner. A Pedigree from Stephanie lays out Nikki but Brie slaps HHH. Stephanie nails Brie and lays her out with a Pedigree as well. The Authority kisses some more to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show felt REALLY long and had far too much stuff that ate up a lot of time. When you have your third meetings between Fandango and Diego and then Bo Dallas and R-Truth, you can tell they’re just filling in time. It’s also proof that Cena really picks up a show as there was almost no energy to so much of this stuff. Is Kane unmasking for like the third time supposed to get my attention? That’s the best they’ve got?

Of course I have to mention all the $9.99 stuff. I get what they were going for with the evil boss plugging stuff like a businessman would, but later on when the announcers were doing it seemingly of their own free will, it takes away the evil and comes off like a lame commercial. This is WWE in a nutshell though: if something doesn’t work, keep doing it until someone buys it out of pity.

Results
Roman Reigns b. Kane – Kane couldn’t answer the ten count
Mark Henry b. Damien Sandow – World’s Strongest Slam
Dean Ambrose b. Alberto Del Rio – Dirty Deeds
Rusev b. Sin Cara – Accolade
Dolph Ziggler b. Cesaro – Zig Zag
Goldust/Stardust b. Curtis Axel/Ryback – Dark Matter to Axel
Diego b. Fernando – Backstabber
Bo Dallas b. R-Truth – Rollup with a handful of tights
Heath Slater b. Seth Rollins – Rollup

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This is another request that was so long ago I don’t remember why someone wanted to see it. Smackdown in 2004 is an odd time as they’re clearly the B show but they have John Cena tearing up the midcard and chomping at the bit to become World Champion. Undertaker is also hunting for JBL so expect them to be a huge part of the show. This is however the go home show for Summerslam. Let’s get to it.

JBL comes out in his longhorn limo to get things going. Both he and Jordan high five fans on the way to the ring but stop to use some sanitizer once inside. I love little things like that. JBL mentions attacking an Undertaker midget last week and promises to exploit Undertaker’s weaknesses at Summerslam. Undertaker may have beaten men like Bret Hart and HHH, but that won’t be the case this year. The smile on JBL’s face is great. As for Orlando, he is now JBL’s Chief of Staff. Oh joy it’s Cabinet time. Jordan praises JBL like the suckup that he is but is told he has to face Undertaker tonight.

Spike Dudley vs. Paul London

Non-title. Spike is Cruiserweight Champion and turned heel last week, revealing that he was the Dudley Boys’ boss. London is half of the Smackdown Tag Team Champions so here are the Dudleys to stare down Paul’s partner Billy Kidman. London cranks on an armbar but gets sent over the top. A dropkick puts Paul on the floor where Kidman stands guard against Bubba and D-Von. Back in and London counters a Dudley Dog with a reverse DDT followed by a dropsault. Bubba gets in a cheap shot on Kidman and pulls Spike out of the way of a 450, giving Spike a rollup pin.

Rating: D+. This was a setup for Sunday’s six man tag where Rey Mysterio would join the small guys. Spike’s heel turn was different but didn’t really do much for me. At the end of the day, it’s hard to buy a guy that small bossing around the most successful tag team of all time. The match wasn’t terrible though.

The Dudleys lay out London and Kidman post match. Bubba goes over to the announcers table and yells even more about the Dudleys being dominant. Again, Spike doesn’t work in this role but it’s the danger of having a tag team have a boss out of nowhere.

After a break, Scotty 2 Hotty asks Spike what happened to him. Spike says he’s got the title and his brothers so he’s a happy man.

Kurt Angle yells at Teddy Long for letting Eddie sell his stuff for a charity auction. Teddy tells him to go explain this in the ring.

Nunzio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo gets caught in a quick waistlock before they trade arm holds. A headscissors puts Guerrero down and Nunzio is very pleased with himself. They hit the mat for more arm work from Chavo but he stops to slap Nunzio’s lackey Johnny Stamboli. A slugout goes nowhere until Nunzio takes him down with a hurricanrana. Nunzio escapes a Gory Bomb but gets rolled up with Chavo grabbing the ropes. Johnny knocks his hands away though and pulls Nunzio’s hands for a very quick pin. This was odd indeed.

We run down the Summerslam card.

Undertaker vs. Orlando Jordan

That’s not a bad way to start a second hour. The big man dominates to start with shoulders and a backdrop. Old School is countered with rights and lefts in the corner but Undertaker hammers away, knocking Jordan senseless. Undertaker avoids a charge in the corner and nails the chokeslam but JBL offers a distraction. That’s fine with Taker as Old School plants Jordan again.

A running DDT gets two on Orlando but he slips out of a tombstone attempt and hits Undertaker low. They head outside with Orlando managing to whip Undertaker into the steps. Back in and Jordan hammers away with more punches (actually fits because he used to be a boxer) but Undertaker nails him and loads up the tombstone, only to get nailed by the Clothesline From JBL for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Shockingly good match here with both guys working hard, even though the match was short. Jordan would of course never amount to anything while Undertaker was still getting his wheels back under him after becoming the Dead Man again. Not a great match or anything but it was a big surprise.

JBL and Jordan stomp on Undertaker until he sits up.

Here’s Teddy Long to hype up Angle vs. Guerrero on Sunday. He brings out Angle for a chat but Eddie interrupts. Whatever Angle has to say, Eddie wants him to say it to his face. Angle says he had a legitimate injury that kept him from wrestling. He asks if Eddie knows what that feels like, which sends Eddie into a rant about Angle costing him the WWE Championship.

Kurt is amused by Eddie being stolen from and says it was like Eddie stealing his stuff for the charity auction. Angle takes Eddie’s anger as a compliment because Guerrero knows he can’t beat Angle in a fair match. Eddie says he can beat Angle because Kurt has been hiding behind his spot as GM and an injury. It makes Eddie think Angle knows he can’t win and Eddie can’t wait to prove it. Teddy is all fired up and wants to see a handshake. They finally shake but also butt heads.

Team Cena vs. Team Booker T.

John Cena, Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas
Booker T., Rene Dupree, Luther Reigns

This is a very interesting idea. It’s called a Summer Relay match. The match is one fall to a finish and it’s going to be Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T. to start. They’ll wrestle for five minutes (assuming there’s no fall) and then Booker’s team can send in a replacement (due to winning a coin toss) for another five minute period. After those five minutes (ten minutes total), Cena’s team can send in a replacement. After five more minutes (fifteen total), Booker’s team gets to send in a replacement. These five minute periods alternate until someone gets a fall. To my knowledge, this is the only time this gimmick was ever used.

Cena has a rap about his team before the match and hits on Jackie Gayda a bit. It’s Rob Van Dam vs. Booker to get things going and the clock begins. Booker takes over in the corner to start and chops away before hitting a bad looking hot shot. A hook kick to the face gets two on Rob and we hit the arm hold. Some chops in the corner have Rob in even more trouble but he comes back with a hard kick to the face. Rob nails some more kicks for two before kicking Booker in the jaw again. He heads up top and connects with the Five Star but stays down too long, allowing the clock to run out.

Luther Reigns comes in next as another five minute period begins. He hammers on the downed Van Dam and we take a break. Back with a minute left in the period and Rob coming back with some right hands. A springboard kick to the jaw sets up Rolling Thunder but the delayed cover only gets two. Reigns nails a spinebuster but misses a knee drop as the period ends and Charlie Haas comes in.

Charlie goes after the leg and puts on a kind of Indian Deathlock to take over. He cranks on the knee even more but Luther fights up and hits a release butterfly suplex. A big belly to back suplex gets two for Luther and we take a break. Back with Dupree getting two on Haas before chopping away in the corner. Rene goes up but gets armdragged down to put both guys on the mat. A good looking series of Rolling Germans get some two counts for Charlie as frustration is setting in.

Booker gets in a cheap shot from the floor and Dupree puts on an STF (Cena hadn’t started using it yet) until the period ends. It’s Cena coming in but he checks on Charlie before going after Dupree. Cena hammers away but gets caught by a neckbreaker for two. Off to a camel clutch on John for a minute or so before Cena comes back with a kind of cutter to escape. A big clothesline puts Dupree down but he plants Cena with a spinebuster. It’s time for the French Tickler (a stupid dance) but Cena avoids the punch and grabs a flapjack. There’s the Shuffle but Rene grabs the ropes to counter the FU.

Booker comes in for the showdown with Cena as they’re about to start a best of five series for Booker’s US Title. It’s Booker in early control and he does You Can’t See Me before dropping a knee for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Cena avoids a side kick, sending Booker out to the floor. Van Dam gets in a few shots (Tazz: “That’s not kosher!”) before Booker is sent back inside for a rollup and the pin by Cena.

Rating: C. Well that was…..something. It was basically a series of hot tag sequences which makes for an odd match. I can see why they didn’t go back to the idea as it’s pretty easy to understand but doesn’t work for a match concept. This wasn’t a disaster but it’s pretty clear why we never saw it again.

The winning team cleans house to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was different but it really doesn’t make me want to see Summerslam. 2004 was such a hit and miss time for WWE as they needed someone new on top (ESPECIALLY on Raw) but at least they were trying something new here. JBL as champion would drag Smackdown through the floor for awhile but Cena’s star is clearly on the rise.

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Here’s a guy who is better than you would think. Today is Mike Knox, currently known as Knux in TNA.

Maven vs. Mike Knox

Knox shoves him into the corner to start but gets caught in an armbar. Off to a hammerlock as commentator Al Snow is very proud of his student. A dropkick stops Mike’s comeback and we hit another armbar. Knox sends him into the buckle and gets two off a neckbreaker, only to miss a middle rope elbow. A nice spinwheel kick gets two for Maven and he nails a middle rope bulldog. Maven heads up top for a missile dropkick and the pin.

Rating: D. Maven gets less impressive every time I watch him. There’s just nothing to him and he never has anything worth watching. To be fair though he was a glorified rookie at this point who didn’t have enough experience to do anything significant in the ring. Nothing to see here and Knox was just a jobber.

He would head to the big company full time in 2005 and start in Deep South Wrestling. However, that company is REALLY hard to find video of, so first up in WWE was ECW on Sci-Fi, including this match on July 4, 2006.

Mike Knox vs. Little Guido

Knox says Kelly is his so we don’t get to see her. The fans chant at him as they should. Guido jumps him to the pop of the night. He hits a dropkick to the side of the head but a second attempt misses, allowing Knox to take over. The fans want pizza and think Knox can’t wrestle. Knox goes into an EXTREME series of bodyslams as the fans think this is boring. Guido tries to get something going but gets his head kicked off and the spinning downward spiral ends this.

Rating: F. This match, if it wasn’t already, proves that ECW is dead. Guido was a big deal (kind of) in ECW, but here he’s a jobber. You know, like everyone that isn’t one of the top ECW guys. And to Mike Knox? The most generic of generic big men ever? They were going off on him here. Imagine what he would have gotten in the ECW Arena. But this is the new ECW, where the fans mean nothing and the ECW Originals are a stable 8 months from now.

Knox would appear on the December to Dismember PPV with his girlfriend Kelly Kelly.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently and at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match. And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is WAY over. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

Knox would stop meaning much after the early story. Here’s a match from ECW on May 20, 2008.

Mike Knox/Layla vs. Colin Delaney/Kelly Kelly

Layla beats up Kelly to start but gets headscissored down to the floor. Back in and a cross body gets two on Layla with Knox making the save. Knox LAUNCHES Colin out to the floor, allowing Kelly to hit the K2 for the pin on Layla.

Oddly enough, Knox would get a pretty solid push later in the year, including a spot in the Raw World Title match in the Elimination Chamber at No Way Out 2009.

Raw World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. John Cena vs. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox vs. Christ Jericho

Cena is out first to a pretty decent pop and is the reigning champion coming in. This is easily the high point of Knox and his beard of awesome. Kane is your jobber of the day here as he’d never win a world title right? Now we get to the meat of the match as Kofi comes out and Edge jumps him, taking his place in the match. I’ll get to the big problem with this at the end. Also the winner is pretty clear now isn’t he? A Conchairto ends Kofi and Edge jumps into his pod.

Rey comes down to help Kofi as Jericho is out so we’ll start with them. They already had that epic feud over the IC Title so there’s automatic history here. Both guys fight for control and Rey can’t get a 619. Rey gets a flip over the ropes and the beating is on. Rey takes a HARD shot into the glass. Mysterio steals the Spiderman spot from RVD and gets a rana and seated senton to take over.

Kane is in third and goes right for Rey. Jericho tries to jump Kane and it gets him nowhere. Rey fights with what he can but there’s only so much he can do against a guy the size of Kane. Rey manages to get both of them in position for the 619 but Kane pops up to stop him. Rey, the superhero that he is, manages to get the big man down and get the area code move (he’s screwed if that ever changes). Jericho adds a Codebreaker for no cover as Lawler is criticizing them too. A seated senton off the top of a pod gets rid of Kane. Was there a need to take out Jericho first though? Anyway Kane is gone.

In fourth is Knox who is evil because he felt like being evil. There was something so refreshing about that and I loved it. He doesn’t really have a point to beating on Rey. He just kind of likes it. Simple but effective. Jericho sends him out to the cage but the springboard cross body doesn’t work at all. Rey gets caught in a Tree of Woe in the cage which is kind of a cool visual.

Knox is a generic big man but he does the job pretty well. He tries to set Rey for his finisher back in the ring but Jericho grabs a Codebreaker for the pin to get us to the final four. That one I can understand as Jericho had an opening and Mike had one arm free instead of two so it was more taking an opening rather than saving Rey. Anyway Edge is in fourth.

Rey goes right after him and the beating is on. Jericho gets both guys down and can kind of pick his spots. Lionsault to Rey gets knees and an Edge-O-Matic gets two on Jericho. Spear misses Rey and the Codebreaker misses Edge. Jericho stops the 619 to Edge for no apparent reason other than hatred of Mysterio I suppose. Tower of Doom spot as Jericho gets a sunset bomb on Edge out of the corner as Edge hits a release German on Rey, who is more or less dead.

Here comes Cena and Edge does his best Vince imitation as he turns around to meet him. Cena goes off on everyone but mainly focuses on Edge. Various moves take down just about everyone as Cena is ALL fired up. Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge as it’s all Cena. FU to Edge is blocked by a Codebreaker to Jericho. 619 to Cena sets up the spear from Edge and CENA IS GONE!!! Edge is totally shocked that he finally pinned Cena.

It’s Rey vs. Jericho vs. Edge once the match gets going again after more or less stopping cold after that. Rey sets for a 619 to both Canadians but Edge gets out of the way. Jericho grabs the Walls but is rolled up by Rey to get us down to one on one for the title. Spear eats turnbuckle and Rey gets a rollup for two and a BIG reaction from the crowd which is totally into this.

Rey gets that soccer style kick to the side of the head for another long two. The announcers talk about the show vs. show thing which is rather stupid but we’ll just go with it as they insist it’s a big and important thing or whatever. Rey gets his fourth long two off a tornado DDT. Rey goes for some kind of a springboard move but Edge kicks him in the face to put him back down.

Powerbomb on the cage can’t hit as Rey counters into a facejam on the cage. FREAKING OW MAN! Rey modifies the 619 to kick Edge in the back of his head. In a SICK spot, Rey charges at Edge but gets launched into the air and into the glass which he literally bounces off of. FREAKING OW MAN PART DEUX THE SEQUEL WITH MOST OF THE ORIGINAL CAST GONE AND A WEAKER STORY THAT IS RIDING ON THE NAME OF THE ORIGINAL! Spear ends it as Rey is mostly dead already.

Rating: A-. Another great match here, but this is what I hated about it that I mentioned earlier on: Edge was distraught about losing his world title two and a half hours ago so he goes out and wins another. What could have been a big devastating loss for Edge that gave him something to do for a few months as he tries to get the title back is thrown away as he now has the OTHER world title and is just fine for it. It makes it seem like the world title is easily replaceable which isn’t what it should be at all. Anyway, the match was very fun and the crowd was into it the whole time, making this an excellent match.

After falling back down the card, Knox was rarely involved in anything major. Here’s a tag match from Smackdown on September 4, 2009.

Finlay/Great Khali vs. Mike Knox/Kane

Kane is all psycho and evil here (no really) and has a Singapore Cane match coming up with Khali at the PPV. Finlay and Knox get us started with Finlay being dropped face first on the buckle. Kane misses the clothesline and it’s off to Khali, sending Kane running away. Khali puts the Vice Grip on Knox who bails to the floor. We take a break and come back with Khali clotheslining Kane down and chopping him in the corner.

Back to Finlay vs. Knox with Finlay hitting the running earthquake drop for two. Apparently Finlay is afraid of Knox for some reason. Finlay is sent shoulder first into the post and it’s off to Kane to work over the arm. Knox works on an armbar followed by a crossbody of all things for two. Back to Kane who gets low bridged by Finlay. Khali has to save his brother/manager Runjin Singh and in the distraction, Finlay hits Knox with the shillelagh for the pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t really work and was longer than it needed to be. Knox vs. Finlay was a feud but it was barely explained here. At least with Kane he’s naturally evil and therefore it’s easy to plug him into a story. Other than that there wasn’t much here and the match wasn’t that interesting as a result.

Knox would leave the WWE soon after this and head to TNA after a year on the independent circuit. He would appear as part of the Aces and 8’s biker stable, but wouldn’t be identified for his first few major matches. Here’s a showdown with World Champion Austin Aries at No Surrender 2012.

Austin Aries vs. Arm Breaker

This is non-title of course and Aries is in workout clothes instead of trunks. Before the match, Aries talks about this being a war which is fine with him, because Aries is the God of War. Aries calls out the big man but he won’t let the masked man in. He does the HBK laying on the top rope to sucker the Arm Breaker in. The champ pounds the guy down and hits the suicide dive.

Back inside Aries pounds away some more but gets crotched to give the Arm Breaker the advantage. The Arm Breaker keeps pounding away and takes over even more on the champ. This isn’t a match mind you as there’s no referee and the bell never rang. A clothesline spins Aries around and the Arm Breaker loads up a powerbomb but Aries throws powder in his face. A dropkick sends the Arm Breaker to the floor and Aries dives out onto him.

The Arm Breaker gets in a shot and grabs a chair, but back in the ring Aries hits him with a roll of coins and the brainbuster. Aries goes for the mask but here comes the gang. The locker room empties out and it’s a big brawl. In case you care, the fight ran just under ten minutes or so.

Knox would be one of the two members of the Aces and 8’s team at Bound For Glory 2012.

Aces and 8’s vs. Sting/Bully Ray

Sting and Ray both have facepaint. Aces and 8’s have theme music now. They bring out Joseph Park who looks a bit near death. There are two members here, one in a plaid t-shirt and another in a black one. We’ll call plaid shirt #1 and black shirt #2. This is No DQ and a brawl starts on the floor. Sting fights #1 and Ray has some issues with #2. #2 seems to be the taller of the two.

Sting gets sent into the announce table as the fans chant for Bully. Sting and Ray double team #1 and the fans want tables. The Stinger Splash hits the barricade as it has all but one time that I can ever remember. #2 and Sting start in the ring with Sting in trouble. Off to #1 who hits a clothesline for two. Park is chained to the barricade at ringside. #2 hits another clothesline for another two on Sting.

A bit boot gets another two and Ray is starting to play cheerleader. Sting makes a fast comeback and tries the Scorpion but #1 breaks it up. A suplex is countered by Sting into the Death Drop but Sting doesn’t cover for some reason. Double tag brings in #2 and Ray with Ray cleaning house. A middle rope shoulder takes #2 down and the fans are way behind Ray. Ray double clotheslines them down and a splash gets two on #1.

#1 brings in a chair but Ray hits a big boot to stop the shot. A third Aces and 8’s guy, pretty clearly Wes Brisco, comes in and hits Ray low. Park gets spat on and breaks the chain off the barricade. He comes in and destroys the third guy before beating him up the ramp. The match breaks down and #2 gets caught in a Doomsday Device. Double splashes crush #2 in the corner again and it’s Table Time with Sting playing Bubba’s role. Ray gets the table but #1 pulls Sting to the floor. Another member of Aces and 8’s comes in and spinebusts Ray through the table to give #2 the pin at 10:51.

Rating: C. Not much of a match here but the point is that Aces and 8’s won. How this makes anything any different is beyond me but this story hasn’t made much sense in the entire time it’s been running. Hopefully we’ll get some more to this tonight because if this is it, then it’s going to feel flat. The match was pretty much fine.

He would eventually be unmasked and nicknamed Knux as a play on his old name. Knux would try to get some revenge on Chris Sabin for taking Bully Ray’s World Title on Impact, September 5, 2013.

Knux vs. Chris Sabin

Ray is at ringside and is already distracting Sabin. Sabin’s headlock is easily countered by the powerful Knux so Sabin wants a test of strength. Chris suckers him in and wisely goes after the knee with some dropkicks before wrapping it around the ropes for another dropkick to the knee. Knux easily slams Sabin down and stops Sabin cold with a big boot.

Sabin is catapulted throat first into the bottom rope for two and we hit the neck crank. A belly to back suplex puts Sabin down again and a middle rope legdrop gets two for Knux. Knux misses a running crotch attack into the ropes and hurts his knee again. Sabin hits a missile dropkick so Ray sends in the hammer to Knux, only to have Sabin intercept it and knock Knux silly for the DQ at 6:00.

Rating: C-. This was somewhat better than I was expecting but the ending better be part of a bigger angle. Sabin was world champion about three weeks ago and now he’s losing to Knux? It was a decent big man vs. little man match though this was a nice surprise given what I was expecting.

We’ll wrap it up with Knux returning as a carnival owner in what is definitely a new character. From Impact on May 8, 2014.

Kazarian vs. Knux

The Menagerie is a carnival themed stable comprised of Knux, his good looking sister Rebel, two men on stilts, Crazy Steve (a clown) and the Freak (a masked muscle man). Kaz jumps Knux from behind to start but is easily thrown down. He does score with a top rope missile dropkick and a kick to the jaw but stops to yell at Crazy Steve. Kaz turns around and runs into the Freak, allowing Knux to throw him back into the ring. A Sky High powerbomb is enough for the pin on Kaz at 2:16.

Mike Knox is a guy who wasn’t much to see but he’s gotten better once he put on some muscle mass and shaved his head. He’s decent as a power enforcer and can fill in the roster of a stable well enough and that’s not the worst job in the world to have. His matches aren’t great, but he can be a decent tag or six man guy.

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The opening video focused on Brie and Stephanie, plus some other stuff from last week.

Cena opened the show and talked about how he knows he’s coming into Summerslam for the beating of his life but he’s going to fight for everything he’s worth. Heyman came out and got in an argument with Cena where they talked about what passion meant. Cena brought up ECW and touched a chord with Heyman, as you would expect him to.

There was a lot of talk about Brock wanting to make Cena a victim just like the Undertaker. Heyman is reaching new levels of milking a single match, but that’s exactly why they gave Brock the Streak and it’s working like charm. This was really solid stuff and made me think that Cena is going to lose, but it’s going to be in a war.

Speaking of a war, Cesaro came out at the end of the promo and started a match with Cena. Cesaro wound up losing to a top rope AA, but it was the kind of battle you would expect. I really wish they could have a match where Cesaro had even a prayer of winning. The match was a great back and forth brawl between two guys that can work the heck out of a power brawl.

After Stephanie freaked out about Brie Bella, Orton came in to complain about Reigns costing him the World Title shot last week. This led to HHH telling Orton to take care of Reigns. The match at Summerslam just has to be made official at this point.

Paige and AJ had another chat but Paige made the mistake of calling her crazy. I’m assuming the submission match is coming at Summerslam. Also, I could get used to Paige skipping around and smiling very quickly.

HHH and Stephanie came out for their serious chat about the Brie Bella issue but Jericho cut them off for his usual magic with Stephanie. Rollins wound up jumping Jericho to set up their match later tonight.

Summerslam 1998 is airing on the Network this Sunday. I dig the idea, but I really don’t care about sitting down at 8 this Sunday when I could start the show, say, now.

The Usos and Ziggler beat Ryback/Axel/Miz. Standard combine two matches into a six man with nothing all that interesting to it.

R-Truth beat Bo Dallas in less than a minute. They had to get Dallas’ first loss out of the way at some point and it’s better to do it now than have him lose all his heat in one match.

Lana and Colter’s argument this week was about the flag.

Adam Rose beat Damien Sandow in less than forty seconds. Somehow I think this is the payoff for Sandow.

Roman Reigns vs. Kane never happened as Orton jumped Reigns from the crowd and destroyed him. Again, the match is obvious and just waiting for the announcement.

Diego beat Fandango to continue the issues with Layla/Summer Rae. Nothing to the match but GOOD NIGHT did Summer look great in the matador outfit.

Naomi/Natalya beat Alicia Fox/Cameron in yet another nothing match. There have been way too many of those on this show.

Chris Jericho had Seth Rollins beat in a good match when the Wyatts interfered. This is another case where the ending was obvious and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The big ending segment was Stephanie coming out and confronting Brie Bella. The end result was Brie getting her job back but wanting a match against Stephanie at Summerslam. This was a fine segment, but WHY IN THE WORLD WAS THIS THE CLOSING SEGMENT TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW??? I’m fine with them fighting on pay per view, but there is no reason for this to be the last thing we see.

Stephanie McMahon is a great heel, but at the end of the day, Brie Bella isn’t anything special. She’s Daniel Bryan’s wife, but Bryan isn’t around right now. Brie is just another boring Diva in a large group of them. With all the big stuff they have coming up at Summerslam, I see no reason for this to be the feature attraction.

Overall Raw was….different. WAY too much stuff felt like it didn’t matter, but at the same time, so much of Summerslam is either official or obvious that it’s just building at this point. The problem here though is you need this kind of stuff to fill in a three hour show. It’s almost like a three hour show every week is a REALLY bad idea.

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http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-year-long-time/26313/

In OVW, he was called Brock Lesnar Times Ten. It’s Bobby Lashley.

Bobby Lashley vs. Simon Dean

Lashley is in white here and it’s his PPV debut. This is a rematch from Lashley’s first match which was two days ago. Lashley throws him around but misses a corner charge. Dean throws hamburgers at Lashley and then hits him with the metal tray as the ref is distracted. That doesn’t work at all and Dean is thrown into the corner. They try to do a cool power spot where Dean is sitting in the corner while holding onto the top and having Lashley pull him out by his feet to catch him in the Dominator. The problem is Lashley can’t hold him up so he falls backwards and hits a regular Dominator to win it. Total squash.

Since one opponent wasn’t enough, here’s another match against two people at Armageddon 2005.

William Regal/Paul Burchill vs. Bobby Lashley

They have to tag. No real story here other than Lashley needs villagers to eat. He’s beaten both of them in one on one matches so this is the next challenge. Burchill starts and that doesn’t go well at all. Bobby pulls Regal in also and beats them both up with ease. Regal gets a kick in and cheats a bit on the floor. Just a bit though so don’t judge him. The British dudes use their technical stuff as we’re just waiting on Lashley to take over. Top rope knee gets two for Burchill. Lashley wakes up and mauls them both, ending Burchill with a Dominator.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here that was there to give Lashley a chance to look awesome. Granted Burchill and Regal didn’t mean anything at this point but the beating looked good. Lashley wouldn’t ever become the superstar they were hoping for but nice try at least I guess. No idea why this was on PPV though. Easily could have gone on Smackdown.

Lashley would make it to the finals of the 2006 King of the Ring, with the finals taking place at Judgment Day 2006.

King of the Ring: Booker T vs. Bobby Lashley

Booker beat Matt Hardy and got a bye to get here. Lashley beat Mark Henry and Finlay. Booker gets shoved down to start and they circle each other. I mean they circle each other A LOT. Lashley takes over with power shots and Booker can’t outmove him. A shoulder hits the post though and Lashley crashes to the floor. We go into the slowdown stuff here as Booker takes over on the arm.

Lashley fights back with a clothesline and stands around a lot. Sharmell interferes which gets them nowhere so they do it again and Booker takes over. Bookend gets a long two. This is rather boring stuff. Powerslam gets two for Lashley and the fans get WAY into it all of a sudden. Spinning heel kick sets up the axe kick for two. Lashley gets the spear but here’s Finlay with the club to Lashley’s head to let Booker hit the Bookend for the crown. He would win the title next.

Rating: D. I didn’t like this one at all for the most part. They felt like they were in the beginning of the match the entire time and it never worked for the most part. A D might be a bit low but at the same time I wasn’t thrilled with it in the slightest. It never got going at all and the whole thing was carried by Booker to say the least. At the time I never got the point of having Booker win but he was by far better at this point and in the long run it turned out to be the right move I think.

Five days later, JBL issued an open challenge for the US Title. From May 26, 2006 on Smackdown.

US Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley throws him around to start but gets kicked in the face. Some right hands in the corner have Lashley in trouble but the Clothesline From JBL is countered with a spear to give Lashley the title.

After losing the title, Lashley would be in the main event of No Mercy 2006 for a World Title shot.

Smackdown World Title: Booker T vs. Lashley vs. Finlay vs. Batista

No tagging here. Cole talks about the numbers and JBL replies with this gem. JBL: “QUIT WITH THE MATH!!! I count money you moron!” Batista goes after Booker as Finlay throws Lashley to the floor. Finlay hooks up with Booker as Cole keeps talking about percentages. Lashley back in now and he throws Finlay to the floor. Batista is down in the corner. Spinebuster gets two on Booker.

Finlay pulls Lashley to the floor and a double teaming begins. Back in and the double team is on Batista until Finlay double crossed Booker. JBL freaking out is great but Cole is just awful at giving him stuff to play off. We’re down to Finlay vs. Booker with the pale one taking over. Lashley tries to get in but Finlay casually knocks him away. Booker is knocked to the floor so Finlay works on Big Dave’s arm.

Batista hits a Samoan Drop but Finlay hangs on. Cool. Lashley comes in but Finlay takes him down too. Cole calls Finlay Lashley because they look so much alike. Half crab to Lashley but Booker superkicks Finlay down for two. Booker takes Batista down with another sweet kick for two. Big Dave sideslams him down for two. Their one on one match is over as Lashley clotheslines Booker to the floor.

Finlay brings in a chair but Lashley kicks it away. Horny comes in to low blow Lashley and the club to the head gets two for Finlay as Booker saves. Everyone gets in for a bit and Batista hits a Jackhammer to take Finlay out so it’s face vs. face. Batista is like screw fighting and spears him down for two. Lashley comes back and somewhere (even Cole isn’t sure where) Batista gets his head busted open.

Batista gets thrown to the floor as does Finlay but Booker comes in with a Bookend for two. Just the two of them in the ring now and Bobby counters a suplex for two. Booker doesn’t know what to do here so he takes his hair down. Finlay breaks up the ax kick and gets two. Batista hits spinebusters on everyone and a Batista Bomb to Finlay. Lashley spears him for no apparent reason, allowing Booker to steal the pin on Finlay.

Rating: B-. Not bad here at all with the formula working pretty well. I like the four man matches much better than three man as you get more combinations out of it. Booker winning was obvious but it was still good enough at times. Finlay was really impressive here as he ran most of the match, which is what he’s great for.

Lashley would be sent to ECW soon after this and be involved in the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember 2006.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the freaking building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. Quite a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is so stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in a FREAKING MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here. He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

The first major title defense was at the 2007 Royal Rumble.

ECW Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Test

Lashley won the title in December and Test is the warm body that he gets to crush in his first major defense. There’s a video package for this which is basically both guys beating up RVD to show how awesome they are. Test powers Lashley back into the corner so the champion comes out with a spear to take over again. Now Test tries to choke, so Lashley suplexes him down. Nice to see them sticking with the same formula. A delayed vertical suplex puts Test on the floor and the champion follows him.

Test sends Lashley into the barricade to take over and we head back in for a chinlock. He shifts into an armbar and hits a Stunner onto the arm for two. Lashley fights out of trouble and backdrops Test before hitting a three point stands shoulder in the corner. He tries a slam but the arm gives out, allowing Test to fire his one big weapon, the big boot, but it only gets two. Lashley pops up with a clothesline to send Test to the floor….and he walks out for the countout.

Rating: D. They needed to protect TEST? Seriously? Lashley doesn’t get to pin TEST clean? The match was dull stuff in the first place before a stupid ending like that. Lashley did what he could out there but Test was as much of a worthless musclehead as you could possibly ask for at this point.

Lashley would be Donald Trump’s representative in the Battle of the Billionaires in the biggest match of his career at Wrestlemania XXIII.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

The barber’s chair gets its own entrance complete with some snappy music. Oh and Umaga is IC Champion. Trump coming out to a song with the only word being MONEY is perfect. Real money rains down from the ceiling, including $100 bills. To be fair this show brought in like 50 million dollars in PPV alone so they can afford a bit. They collide to start and slug it out with Lashley pounding him into the corner. Austin pulls Lashley off of Umaga since they’re in the ropes and Umaga gets in some shots of him own. Lashley goes up to the middle rope for a shoulder for two.

Umaga’s manager Armando Estrada is dragged in by Lashley and powerslammed down with ease. Lashley throws him out to the floor and low bridges Umaga to send him to the floor as well. Back in and Lashley misses a spear, sending him out to the floor this time. We head inside again and Umaga chokes away, only to be pulled off at four and a half by Austin. Austin has to do it again, this time by the hair for good measure.

A BIG clothesline puts Lashley down again and Umaga cannonballs down onto his chest for good measure. The Samoan drop puts Lashley down again as does a failed slam attempt. Vince gets up on the apron and gets dropped down by an elbow from Lashley, only to walk into a shot from Umaga to take over again. Umaga goes up and gets slammed down before being clotheslined down. Both guys down and Austin gets to nine before stopping so it doesn’t end in a draw.

Shane McMahon comes out to check on Vince as Umaga hits an uppercut to drop Lashley again. Austin has to pull Umaga out of the corner, earning him a Samoan Spike. Shane comes in and pounds away on Lashley until Umaga is back into things. The running hip attack crushes Bobby’s face and Vince throws in some trashcans. Shane hits the Coast to Coast to drive the can into Lashley’s face. A top rope splash from Umaga crushes Lashley and Shane has a referee’s shirt on now.

Austin breaks up the pin and beats up Shane for good measure, only to walk into another Samoan Spike. Trump isn’t sure what to do and shows off those great acting skills of his. Vince comes over to taunt him and TRUMP CLOTHESLINES VINCE! Umaga tries another Spike on Austin but gets countered into the Stunner. The spear from Lashley connects and it’s time for Vince to be bald.

Rating: D. This match sucked for the most part until Austin got going. The problem at the end of the day was no one on the planet with any idea what was going on here thought Vince was going to win. It also didn’t help that no one cared about Lashley because no one had ever given us a reason to. He was just kind of there for the most part and there was nothing more to him than he used to be a college wrestler and he’s muscular. Seriously, that’s Lashley’s story almost in full.

Post match they take FOREVER to Stun Vince and cut his hair. Austin Stuns him because that’s what Austin does to Vince. To their credit though, they SHAVE his head, not just trim it. Vince’s face during this whole thing is great as he goes from shock to the patented Vince rage in a few seconds. This led to three months of Vince/Shane/Umaga vs. Lashley which didn’t work for the most part. Austin, Lashley and Trump share beers and Trump gets Stunned. I’ll give the guy this: he has a soft spot for wrestling. He hosted two Wrestlemanias, was in the crowd for two more and did this.

This launched a feud with the McMahons, who took the ECW Title from Lashley via some shenanigans. Here’s Lashley’s rematch at One Night Stand 2007.

ECW Title: Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

Umaga and Shane are with Vince here. Since he’s in it, this is a street fight. Lashley tries to dive on Umaga to start but messes up completely, landing only a kick to the head of the now dead Samoan. Shane tries to punch him and that just fails, leaving Vince all alone with Lashley. Joey tries to make it sound like Lashley is standing up for ECW, even though Heyman probably gets physically ill at the thought of Lashley working for ECW.

He fights off the trio as well as he can at first but the numbers catch up with him when he tries to bring in a chair. Vince gives his first offense, a clothesline, to take Bobby down. Vince’s hair is back now so at least the bandana is gone now. Out to the floor as this is a very slow beatdown which is going nowhere at all. Vince gets the timekeeper hammer and chokes Bobby with it instead of, you know, HITTING HIM WITH IT?

Back in the ring and a Samoan Drop takes Lashley down again. So riveting indeed here. Maybe it’s because Vince and Shane aren’t wrestlers and therefore shouldn’t be in the ring with a guy like Lashley? Vince gets one of the worst spears I’ve ever seen to Lashley for two. Umaga chokes away to waste more time but misses a splash, crushing Vince instead.

Lashley starts cleaning house, sending Umaga to the floor via a low bridge and suplexing Umaga over the top. Big chair shot to the head of Vince and many more to the back follow. Dominator powerslam only gets two as Umaga makes the save. Bobby gets another chair but Umaga gets a superkick in to take him down again. There goes the crowd as that totally and completely should have been the ending.

Instead, the McMahons and the Samoan take over again because that way they look like supervillains again. Shane drops the big elbow through the table (OH YEAH!) and everyone is down. Umaga wakes Vince up and gets a long two on him. Joey freaks out but it just feels wrong here. Umaga hits the running smash in the corner and Lashley is done. Shane tries the Van Terminator but drills Umaga by mistake. Spear to Vince gives Lashley his title back.

Rating: D+. Match more or less sucked because Vince and company dominated for the vast majority of it. They proved why Vince being in a mach did nothing but they were trying to give Lashley a rub I guess. Either way, there really was no point in waiting for this show to do the title change again, but either way not much here and WAY too long. The first comeback should have been it.

Lashley would be moved to Raw soon after this, meaning he couldn’t be ECW Champion. Instead, he would be put into the Raw main event scene and have a showdown with Cena at Great American Bash 2007.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Bobby Lashley

They fight over a lockup to start and Cena is shoved into a corner. Lashley takes him down with a test of strength but Cena comes back to booing. He’s been champion for ten months here so the fans aren’t that thrilled with him. Lashley takes over with the power game but Cena counters into an STFU attempt so Lashley runs. Basically this is a chess match as both guys try to get ahead but neither is being very aggressive.

Lashley grabs a release t-bone suplex for two. He might be bleeding just a bit. Cena gets whipped into the corner and a delayed suplex gets two. Cena grabs a suplex of his own out of nowhere for a very delayed two. Lashley gets a modified gutbuster to mess up Cena’s ribs and it’s down to a body vice. JR and King turn into idiots by saying they can’t remember any opponent with Lashley’s amateur credentials challenging Cena.

Cena fires off a pair of ProtoBombs and the Shuffle for two. FU is easily escaped and a powerslam gets two. Lashley hooks a torture rack and then drops him into what we would call Shock Treatment. Out of nowhere Cena hits an FU but can’t cover. Lashley’s spear attempt is countered into the STFU and the place pops. Weird crowd man. Lashley FINALLY gets a rope and this is getting good.

John complains to the referee about….something, and walks into a BIG spear for two. The fans are way into this too. They go to the corner and Lashley loads up something that appears to be a superplex, but Cena counters into a somewhat weak FU off the middle rope for the pin. That ending came out of nowhere, kind of.

Rating: B+. It’s an excellent match and they were getting close to the heavyweight slugfest format but they weren’t able to get there with it ending like that. It needed a lot more near falls. Anyway, the match was good, although Lashley never really reached this level again afterwards. He would be “injured” by Kennedy 8 days later and hasn’t set foot in a WWE ring since as far as I remember.

As mentioned, that would be it for Lashley in WWE but he would show up in TNA in about two years. Here’s a big match from Bound For Glory 2009.

Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Lashley

Hey look it’s another non-traditional one on one match as this is a submission match. Joe is in the Mafia here and Lashley is the MMA guy so this actually makes sense for once from a gimmick match perspective. Lashley has taped up ribs for some reason. Ah ok Rhyno jumped him on Impact. And yet he’s fighting Joe here. Well of course he is.

Joe might be a bit slimmer here but it’s hard to tell as the tattoo on his face takes away from his face a bit. Naturally we get the JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU chant because he’s a heel. Lashley hits a SICK spinebuster and goes after the arm. The problem with wrestling today is that with the advent of MMA and how fast people tap to holds it’s a BIG stretch to have people survive like 30 seconds in arm bars and leg locks.

Suicide dive to take out Lashley as Joe is far more popular than he’s supposed to be. Joe works the ribs as we’re told about the work he’s done on Lashley’s ribs recently. Thanks for talking about that in his entrance rather than Rhyno there guys. Abdominal stretch goes on as Taz is actually helpful here with his submission knowledge. Quick powerslam by Joe as he’s wildly over here.

Lashley blocks part of an armbar and gets some ground and pound in to HUGE boos. A full nelson slam from Lashley takes Joe down and we’re back to even. Lashley is REALLY bad on offense with some of the worst strikes I’ve ever seen. Joe thankfully takes over and beats the tar out of him. And then Lashley gets an STO (reverse stroke for you non-WM 2000 and No Mercy fans) into a side choke for the win. Joe blacked out or something.

Rating: D. They were trying for the MMA thing here and it just didn’t work in the slightest really. Lashley was just not that good at making what he’s capable of really doing look fake if that makes sense. This just didn’t work for me at all as it came off as sloppy and Lashley trying to get one big move in which he did. I’m not an MMA guy so I’m the wrong audience I guess, but this didn’t work at all for me.

Another from Final Resolution 2009.

Scott Steiner vs. Bobby Lashley

Last man standing here as Steiner had hit him with a pipe last month in their match to end Lashley’s unbeaten streak. Kristal, the wife, is thrown out before the match. Steiner goes after her and Bobby chases. Bobby catches Steiner and does nothing. Steiner drills him and we start on the floor. Back in the ring now and it’s a T-Bone by Bobby to take over.

Dragon sleeper goes on as Steiner is in trouble. Since Lashley lets Steiner go, that isn’t enough to end it. Scott’s leg may be messed up here. Out to the floor and Lashley hits him with a chair. Steiner hits him with a pipe and down goes Lashley. Naturally a lead pipe to the head by a huge muscle man like Steiner isn’t enough to keep him down though as he’s up at 7.

Lashley goes into the post and then the steps. Back in the ring and Steiner gets a downward spiral from the top rope (Lashley’s feet were on it and Steiner was on the mat) for 9. Belly to belly suplex off the top (with Bobby landing on his head and Taz making a Cole Vintage joke) gets about 8. Steiner jumps into a suplex of his own Powerslam for Bobby gets two and a Frankensteiner gets the same. The pipe is retrieved but Kristal comes down to steal it. A spear and a pipe shot from Steiner end this.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much at all as Steiner was pretty uninteresting at this point to say the least. Lashley would be gone in a month as he became a full time MMA guy and didn’t exactly do that well at it. Boring match here that was more or less just there. At least this ended the feud though. The Lashleys would turn heel on January 4th to no one really caring.

Lashley would bail soon after this and not be back for over four years. However he would quickly be back in 2014 and almost immediately in the title picture. Here he is in a title shot on Impact, June 19, 2014.

TNA World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young

Young is on his own while King and MVP are in Lashley’s corner. A clothesline puts Lashley to the floor and a big cross body off the top puts Lashley down again. Back in and Eric’s cross body is caught in mid air but he rolls Lashley up for two. A HUGE backdrop puts the champion down again and Eric is sent to the floor. Back from a break with Eric in trouble and getting suplexed down with one arm.

The champion makes his comeback and gets two off his third cross body of the match. Lashley stomps him in the corner but misses a charge, only to come back with a kick to the ribs. Eric nails the piledriver out of nowhere but King pulls the referee out at two. Lashley nails Kenny by mistake and Eric hits a quick DDT. The top rope elbow misses though and Lashley spears him down for the pin and the title at 8:45.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash for Lashley and WHY DID THIS NOT HAPPEN ON SUNDAY? I’m sure there’s some reason for it but given that it’s TNA I doubt they can explain it to you. Thankfully Young doesn’t come off as a worthless champion, but he’s only a step above transitional.

Lashley is a great case of a guy who is all look and some substance but nowhere near enough to be at the level WWE wanted him to be. The guy just can’t talk and it’s very obvious most of the time. He’s great as a dominator and monster, but having him as the top guy didn’t work in the slightest. Winning the TNA Title is good, but it’s WAY too late.

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We’re a week closer to Summerslam and the major match is already set. The interesting thing coming out of last week is Stephanie being arrested for her battery against Brie Bella last week. Other than that the stage is being set for Summerslam, including Reigns vs. Orton which should be announced soon.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Brie and Stephanie’s issues from last week. I have a feeling they’re going to make this a far bigger deal than it should be. We also see Reigns attacking Orton and Brock being announced as the #1 contender. The latter two things are almost tacked on.

Here’s an upset Cena to get things going. He talks about how he’s usually excited to be here in Houston but he’s very worried about what’s coming. The Authority has marked him, and now he has to face the ultimate beast Brock Lesnar. Cena hoped it would never come to this, but now his nightmare has come to life. Brock Lesnar’s destruction is precise and he destroys what he wants, when he wants. Forty men have been WWE Champion but one man has defeated the Streak.

For once Heyman is telling the truth: at Summerslam, Cena will receive the beating of a lifetime. He’s going to get hurt but he’s going to fight. Cena beat Brock in 2012 and he can do it again here. No one can control Brock Lesnar. Not the people, not the Authority, and not Paul Heyman.

This brings out Heyman, with the fans saying the catchphrases along with him. Paul very slowly says that Brock will win the title at Summerslam, but he commends Cena for understanding that a beating is coming his way. However, the words about fighting are mighty strong from someone about to become a victim. Cena may have come back from beatings before but they’ve never been like this.

The Undertaker knows what it’s like to be a victim, but no one can ask him because no one has seen or heard from him since Wrestlemania. Cena is looking to survive, but Brock is looking to conquer. Brock doesn’t just want to F5 and pin John Cena. He wants to victimize him ruthlessly and mercilessly. Lesnar can’t wait for Cena to no longer be WWE Champion and be nothing more than beaten, victimized and conquered.

Cena wants to have a real talk for just a few seconds. Paul said the word passion and that’s a word that even he can understand. Every once in awhile, you can hear something start and then hear it grow louder and louder. It’s the fans chanting ECW and it brings a smile to Heyman’s face. Cena and Heyman share a passion about this business because it’s Cena’s life. Good, bad or indifferent, he shows up and fights because he loves it. Brock can beat him but he’s going to have to beat every breath out of his body because Cena is walking in champion and walking out.

This brings out Cesaro who says he may no longer be a Paul Heyman Guy, he won’t allow Cena to insult Paul like this. Cena isn’t a wrestler. He’s a muscled up walking billboard. Cena gets on the floor and Cesaro insults his shoes. Not only can Cena not wrestle in sneakers, but he can’t wrestle period. We get a challenge for a match and Cena is ready. The promos here were really good as you would expect from two masters like these guys.

Cesaro vs. John Cena

Non-title of course and joined in progress after a break. They fight over a test of strength to start until Cena takes him down into a headlock. Cesaro reverses into one of his own before catching Cena in a gutwrench suplex. Cena gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a hurricanrana for two. His comeback is short lived though as he charges into an elbow, allowing Cesaro to hammer away. Some forearms put Cena on the floor but he comes back in and starts a brawl, only to have his bulldog shoved off.

Back from a break with Cena fighting out of a chinlock and hitting the shoulder blocks. Cesaro counters what looked like a backdrop into a DDT for two and Cena is down again. We get some very loud spot calling before the Swing is countered into a sunset flip for two. A powerbomb gets the same on Cesaro but he’s able to hit the apron suplex for two of his own. Cena tries a tornado DDT but gets countered into the Swing (so much for the reports of him being asked to stop).

Something resembling an ankle lock but with Cena’s legs intertwined has John in trouble but he rolls out and hits the Shuffle. The AA is countered and Cesaro goes up, only to have Cena roll through a cross body into the AA. Cesaro lands on his feet and kicks Cena in the face, setting up Swiss Death for two. Now the Neutralizer is countered but they trade big boots to send Cesaro to the apron. He takes too long going up though and a top rope AA is good for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. If you give Cesaro a big stage to have this match on and a better chance of winning, this is a near masterpiece. They have great chemistry together and Cesaro is one of the few guys that can show some freakish streak when he’s given the chance. I’d like to see him actually win a big match now and then though.

Stephanie is in the back freaking out about having to apologize to Brie tonight. She can’t bear the look in their daughters’ eyes again when they look at her. HHH says it’s going to be fine but Orton comes in to interrupt. Randy says the original plan was supposed to be Cena vs. Orton at Summerslam but Reigns broke it up. He wants HHH to break up the main event but HHH says no. If Orton wants another shot, take out Roman Reigns. Tonight, Reigns is facing Kane, so now Orton has a problem with Kane. He says he has a problem with HHH too.

Here’s the skipping Paige with something to say. She says her emotions get the better of her sometimes but she still thinks of AJ as her best friend. However, AJ took her title and crossed a line. Paige will never act that way again. Cue AJ who says she doesn’t like people who lie to her.

If Paige wants to be like her, then do it and stop making this stuff up. Paige cuts her off and talks about AJ being crazy, and that’s not ok with the champ. She tells Paige to say that again but Paige says this kind of stuff happens to everyone, even people off their rockers. AJ smacks Paige and the brawl is on with Paige running off and screaming that AJ needs to calm down.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to apologize about what happened last week. We see the full incident with Brie Bella and Stephanie says she’s truly sorry. All the charges have been dropped and they’re going to move on from this unfortunate incident. Stephanie would like Brie to come down here and clear the air. Instead here’s Jericho, who sings the COPS theme song (which might be a reference to the joke about COPS reruns replacing Impact).

HHH growls at him but Jericho cuts him off and brings up HHH not coming to Stephanie’s aide until Raw had been over for fifteen minutes. Jericho says it’s because HHH is finally realizing that Stephanie is a filthy, dirty, bottom feeding trashbag ho. HHH yells but Jericho asks for Bray Wyatt tonight. That match is being saved until Summerslam, but as for tonight…..and HHH is cut off by Seth Rollins nailing Jericho in the head with the MITB briefcase. I still think they missed a HUGE story by never having Stephanie and Jericho fall for each other.

We recap the Heyman/Cena/Cesaro stuff.

Ad for Summerslam 1998 airing this Sunday night on the WWE Network. I don’t know why they’re doing this when you can watch it right this second on demand on the Network.

Usos/Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz/Ryback/Curtis Axel

Miz is in his sunglasses. Woods, Kofi and Big E. are all watching in the back. Dolph gets knocked down by Ryback for two early on. Everything breaks down for a bit and the Usos chase all three guys to the floor as we take a break. Back with Miz coming in to kick Jimmy in the ribs as Woods and company have come to ringside. Axel gets two off a running knee to the head and it’s back to Miz to work on the ribs.

The Reality Check is countered into a suplex but Jimmy still can’t make the tag. He finally kicks Miz away and the tag brings in Ziggler to dropkick Ryback. The Fameasser gets two and Miz makes a very last second save. Everything breaks down and Jey dives onto Axel. Jimmy charges into a neck snap across the top rope to take him to the floor. Miz distracts Ziggler but Dolph counters a Ryback powerbomb into the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C. Just an easy way to combine a few matches here and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m glad Miz didn’t get pinned again, but I’m not sure why the new Nation is at ringside. Miz continues to play his role well and I’m digging the new character. Then again I’ve always been a Miz fan.

R-Truth vs. Bo Dallas

Bo says that Truth has lost a lot but will win again if he Bolieves. Dallas does his usual stuff and hits a clothesline before running a victory lap. Back in and Truth rolls him up for the pin at 32 seconds for Bo’s first loss.

Post match Bo says he can’t Bolieve that and nails Truth. The beating stays on

Here are Lana and Rusev to do their thing, this time with a focus on the American flag. Lana is about to insult George W. Bush (from Texas) but here’s Colter to interrupt. He talks about the American flag meaning something everywhere in the world. Colter brings up the Stars and Stripes and the symbolism behind them before Rusev and Swagger have their usual fight with Rusev being run off. The fans give a LOUD USA chant.

Damien Sandow vs. Adam Rose

Sandow is an astronaut this week. He gets cut off by Rose and pinned in 36 seconds with the Party Foul. Nothing to see here.

Kane vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is on the way to the ring but Orton jumps him in the crowd. Reigns takes over and heads into the ring for a Superman Punch to Orton, but walks into a chokeslam. Kane leaves and Orton hammers away with free shots on Reigns. He nails an Elevated DDT on the floor and rams Reigns’ head into the steps over and over. An RKO onto the announcers’ table (didn’t break) has Reigns down and a second RKO through the table knocks him senseless. The bell never rang so no match.

Back from a break and Reigns is still trying to get up.

Fandango vs. Diego

Diego has Layla and Summer as sexy bullfighters this week. Fandango hammers away and goes up for the legdrop but Torito gets up on the apron for a distraction. The dancer goes after him but the bull dives onto the girls’ shoulders. Diego hits a springboard spinning sunset flip for the pin at 1:30.

Stephanie tries to find Brie in the Divas locker room but gets Nikki instead. Brie is going to be here later and Stephanie hopes things will be reasonable. Nikki laughs at the idea.

The Dusts are at a chalkboard and trying to figure out what the Cosmic Key is. Goldust says calm down and points Stardust off into the distance. He writes THEY HAVE “IT” in for the answer to the question. No idea what that means.

Alicia Fox/Cameron vs. Natalya/Naomi

Natalya and Fox get things going with the blonde nailing a seated dropkick for an early two. Naomi dives at Cameron for a brawl but Fox nails an ax kick for two. Fox hammers on her for a bit before it’s back to Cameron, who is caught in a freaky looking body scissors for the submission at 2:33. This was nothing.

Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins

They quickly fight to the floor with Jericho getting in trouble, only to block a suicide dive with a right hand. Back in and a suplex gets two on Seth but he stomps on Chris in the corner. Jericho jumps over him and nails an enziguri for two on Rollins, only to have Seth dropkick him down. Jericho snaps his neck over the ropes and we take a break.

Back with Jericho fighting out of a chinlock but being sent shoulder first into the post. Seth talks trash about him but Chris fights back and nails a top rope ax handle for two. A Slingblade gets two on Jericho and Rollins goes up, only to have to block some superplex attempts.

Rollins tries a powerbomb but gets countered into a top rope backdrop followed by a high cross body for two. Rollins gets elbowed in the face but avoids the Lionsault and nails a buckle bomb. The Curb Stomp misses but Rollins gets to the ropes to escape the Walls. Rollins goes up but gets caught in a Codebreaker….and we’ve got Wyatts for the DQ at 13:20.

Rating: C+. Another good match from these two but the ending was somewhat obvious. They need to make the Wyatts look tough again though and beating up Jericho is a good way to start. However, without a huge win at Summerslam it doesn’t really matter. Bray can still be saved though.

Here’s Stephanie for the big showdown with Brie to end the show. She looks at the clip from last week and apologizes to Brie again. Brie comes from the crowd to the ring and says she wants some revenge. Stephanie offers to give Nikki a raise but Brie wants her job back. The boss isn’t sure but Brie offers to drop all of the charges. Stephanie agrees but Brie wants something else: a match at Summerslam.

That’s fine with Stephanie who offers her a Divas Title shot or a Total Divas Spectacular. Brie says the obvious: she wants a match with Stephanie. The boss freaks out and says she isn’t a wrestler anymore (too easy) before finally saying she won’t lower herself to do this. Brie says she’ll see Stephanie in court. Stephanie finally breaks down and agrees before slapping Brie off the apron. The brawl is on but HHH and agents break it up. Fans: “THIS IS AWFUL!” I’m fine with the match taking place, but there is NO reason this should have closed the show.

Overall Rating: D. Other than the two long matches, this felt like a long series of short vignettes with very little going on. I don’t get the idea of Dallas losing in a meaningless match but it might be better to get it out of the way rather than letting him get crushed later on. The rest of the show felt pretty worthless, with one thing really glaring.

This show opened with a pretty awesome promo from Cena and a good match, but ended with a segment involving Brie Bella and Stephanie McMahon. I’m fine with Stephanie and Brie having a match at Summerslam, but it REALLY shouldn’t be a feature. Unless Bryan is in Brie’s corner, this really does feel like the most useless match I’ve seen built up in a very long time.

Results
John Cena b. Cesaro – Top rope Attitude Adjustment
Dolph Ziggler/Usos b. Ryback/Curtis Axel/The Miz – Zig Zag to Ryback
R-Truth b. Bo Dallas – Rollup
Adam Rose b. Damien Sandow – Party Foul
Diego b. Fandango – Spinning sunset flip
Natalya/Naomi b. Alicia Fox/Cameron – Leg scissors to Cameron
Chris Jericho b. Seth Rollins via DQ when the Wyatt Family interfered

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