Hell in a Cell 2013
Date: October 27, 2013
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re finally to the end of this PPV cycle as tonight is basically Battlefield Part II which doesn’t exactly sound like the most interesting thing in the world. The biggest idea tonight is we get to have a WWE Champion after all these weeks of the title being held up. The two Cell matches will see Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton for the vacant title and Paul Heyman/Ryback vs. CM Punk in hopefully the final blowoff to the Punk vs. Heyman feud. Oh and Cena is back too. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow

This is a replacement match after Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston for the Intercontinental Title was canceled earlier today due to Axel being injured. Sandow talks about being Mr. Money in the Bank and how Cena is coming to take Sandow’s future crown. The Spanish commentary is bleeding in over his promo. Sandow pounds him down into the corner to start as the Spanish commentary can still be heard. Kofi comes back with some kicks to the ribs and a jumping back elbow for two.

Damien is sent to the floor as we’re told about Langston getting a US Title shot against Dean Ambrose tonight to make up for losing the Intercontinental Title shot. Sandow rams him into the apron and takes Kofi back inside to pound away as we take a break. Back with Damien getting two off the Wind-Up elbow and putting on an abdominal stretch. Kofi counters into one of his own but Damien hiptosses his way to freedom.

Kingston avoids a charge in the corner and fires off some chops to take over. The Boom Drop connects but Trouble in Paradise misses. A top rope cross body gets two on Sandow as apparently Rey Mysterio is on Spanish commentary. Kofi gets two more off a slingshot dropkick and a slingshot splash but Damien grabs a full nelson slam, apparently called You’re Welcome, for the pin at 6:45.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing special but thank goodness Sandow actually has a decent finisher for a change. That neckbreaker wasn’t taking him anywhere and a full nelson slam is as good as anything else he could use. Also it’s nice to see him get a clean win for a change instead of losing for months on end.

As expected, the opening video is about how the Cell changes you and no one is ever the same after they step foot in it again. We also get some brief clips about the major feuds tonight.

Tag Titles: Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Usos vs. Shield

This would be Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns for the Shield and Cody and Goldust coming in with the titles. They beat Shield a few weeks back on Raw but the Usos were #1 contenders, so a triple threat solves everything at once. Goldust vs. Rollins gets us going with Seth being clotheslined down. It’s quickly off to Jimmy to face Goldust with a deep breath confusing the Samoan. Off to Cody to work on Jimmy’s arm and take him down with a release gordbuster for two.

Jimmy makes a blind tag to Jey who comes in with a quick rollup for two of his own, earning him a golf clap from Cody. Rhodes grabs a single leg and takes Jey into the corner for a tag off to Goldust but a quick double team by the Usos has Goldie in trouble. Roman Reigns tags himself in and pulls the legal Goldust out to the floor before taking him down with a jumping clothesline for two back inside. Back to Rollins who pounds away from the floor and hooks a front facelock.

Roman comes back in for a chinlock as the fans wake up for the first time in the match. Goldust fights up and gets a quick two off a backslide but Reigns elbows him down for the same. Goldust dives for the ropes but another elbow stops him for another two count and it’s back to Rollins who knocks Rhodes off the apron. A backdrop puts Seth down but there’s no one for Goldust to tag. He tries the Usos but Seth decks them as well, allowing Reigns to hit a release belly to back suplex for two as Cody makes a last second save. Nice sequence there.

Roman spends a bit too much time talking trash and gets caught in a quick powerslam from Goldust, allowing for the hot tag off to Cody. A missile dropkick puts Reigns down and a sunset flip gets two on Rollins. The moonsault press gets the same and Cody is all fired up. A Disaster Kick puts Rollins on the floor but Jimmy Uso makes another blind tag to go after Seth. Everything breaks down and Jey hits a HUGE die to take out Goldust and Roman.

Jimmy gets a VERY close two off a Samoan drop to Seth but Rollins sends Jimmy to the floor. Cody is back in now and they head up top, with Cody superplexing Seth onto everyone not named Jimmy Uso. That was AWESOME. Jimmy and Rollins head back in but it’s Roman with a big spear to take Jimmy down. Rollins hits the top rope knee to take out Goldust but Cody’s Disaster Kick is caught in a powerbomb, only to have Goldust make the save before Seth can drop him. A quick (and sweet looking) Cross Rhodes to Seth retains the titles at 14:40.

Rating: B. THAT’S HOW YOU START A SHOW! I get tired of seeing opening matches not do anything to fire up the crowd but when you take six talented guys and let them tear the house down like this, they’ve earned the THIS IS AWESOME chants they were getting. Perfect choice for the opener here and I can’t say I disagree with the result.

HHH and Shawn have a chat in the back.

Here’s a very sore Miz with something to say. He talks about how he was chained up and had the word “liar” written on his chest on Smackdown so he isn’t cleared to wrestle tonight. However he’s cleared to fight, so Bray needs to get out of his Cracker Barrel rocking chair and come get him. Bray pops up on the screen and says what sounds like a lullaby.

He says it pains him to see Hollywood (meaning Miz) like this, with nothing to lose. Miz’s words mean less than salt to Bray because Miz can’t see the monster behind Wyatt’s eyes. The lights go out and come back with the Family in the ring to beat Miz down. The fans chant for Kane…..and here he is! Kane clears the ring and chokeslams a grateful Miz because that’s how Kane rolls.

Summer Rae/Fandango vs. Natalya/Great Khali

This is a bonus match which was actually set up on Smackdown when the girls got in a fight to end a match between the guys. Before the match Fandango says he’s the true master of salsa dancing and we get a quick demonstration. The guys get us going with Fandango’s kick to the ribs being caught and the dancer being tossed down. Off to the girls with Summer getting two off a quick rollup and scoring with a nice dropkick.

Natalya easily takes her down and grabs an armbar but it’s quickly back to Fandango. That’s cool with Nattie though as she sweeps the legs to load up the Sharpshooter but Fandango bails to the floor. Khali easily pulls him back in, only to have his knee dropkicked out. Fandango stops to flirt with Natalya even more, allowing Khali to get back up and chop the skin off his chest. Back to the girls with Summer bailing to the ropes to avoid the Sharpshooter before grabbing a rollup to pin Natalya out of nowhere at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Summer wasn’t bad out there and certainly didn’t embarrass herself. Imagine that: having girls in NXT actually wrestle instead of have danceoffs and swimsuit contests makes them better in the ring. It’s a bonus match too so it’s hard to complain when the match isn’t too bad.

Tonight’s expert panel of Kaitlyn, R-Truth and Ziggler don’t have much to add.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Big E. Langston

As mentioned this is a replacement match for Langston after Axel was injured. Langston quickly runs Ambrose over for two before sending the champion into the corner for a running shoulder to the ribs. A backbreaker puts Dean down and we hit the bearhug by the power guy. Dean pokes the eyes to escape, sending Langston into the corner. Big E. easily backdrops Ambrose to the floor, possibly hurting the champion’s knee. Dean pokes him in the eye again to take over but his suplex attempt is easily blocked.

Instead he drapes Big E’s arm over the top and cranks away on it a bit before climbing the ropes and driving his knee into Langston’s face. The dropkick against the ropes gets two for Dean and it’s off to a reverse chinlock. Langston fights up and hits a pair of clotheslines for two each, only to miss the Ultimate Warrior splash. Instead it’s a belly to belly for two on Ambrose and now the splash connects for the same.

Ambrose bails to the floor and tries to walk away, only to be caught with ease and dragged back to the ring. Back in and Dean hits a quick DDT for two and Big E. might be cut under the eye. Not that it matters though as he spears Dean through the ropes and back to the floor ala Edge to Foley at Wrestlemania 21. Dean doesn’t make it back in and loses via countout at 8:53.

Rating: C. I was liking the match until the ending, but there really wasn’t anything else they could do with this. Ambrose doesn’t seem ready to drop the title, so having Langston win without getting the title is the best way they could get out of this one. Langston definitely held his own out there and that’s a good sign. Rematch will be imminent I’m sure.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Ryback/Heyman vs. Punk. It was originally Punk vs. Ryback but Punk wanted Heyman and won a Beat the Clock challenge, earning him the right to pick the stipulation. His idea: a handicap match inside the Cell.

CM Punk vs. Ryback/Paul Heyman

And there’s no Heyman. Ryback gets in the Cell before pointing towards the entrance where Heyman rides out on a cart. It’s actually a lift which takes Paul up to the top of the Cell with Heyman talking about how he’s risen from the depths and ascended to the top of the world. The fans are all over Paul as Punk pounds away on Ryback and knocks him out to the floor. Now the fans chant for CM after he hits a suicide dive to send Ryback into the Cell wall. It’s kendo stick time but Ryback drives Punk’s spine into the steel to stop him.

Ryback blasts Punk with the stick and takes him back inside to beat Punk down even more. Punk’s back is targeted with a reverse waistlock before Punk fights free and low bridges Ryback out to the floor. A forearm off the top puts Ryback down again and it’s table time. Punk can’t get it set up though and Ryback suplexes him back first into the Cell wall. Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two more as we hit the reverse waistlock again. Punk fights out again and hits a spinning cross body for two followed by the running knee in the corner.

Some kendo stick shots drop the big man and there’s the Macho Elbow for two. More stick shots keep Ryback down and now the table is set up in the ring. It falls onto its side though, allowing Ryback to crotch Punk on the side. The Meat Hook is good for two but Punk hits him low to block the Shell Shock. Ryback lays on the table for no apparent reason, allowing Punk to drop another Macho Elbow for no cover. Instead a cane to Ryback’s head sets up the GTS for the pin at 13:55.

Rating: C-. If this had been a regular match it would have been fine, but it was inside the Cell which means it has a higher standard. Putting Heyman out of the match was probably the best idea, but there really wasn’t much to this that made me care. Punk beating Ryback in a hardcore match is nothing special, but it certainly wasn’t a terrible match. The Cell was a prop here though, which is what I hate about this show.

Post match Punk climbs up after Heyman while carrying the kendo stick. The beating begins and Punk wears him out before hitting the GTS to end the feud. Not exactly a huge spot but it’s as good as we’re going to get I guess.

Breast cancer is bad.

Daniel Bryan says all he’s wanted was a chance and hopefully Shawn Michaels will give him that. It was the night after Wrestlemania 28 in this very arena where the YES chants began so Bryan starts one for old times’ sake.

The announcers talk while Heyman is taken down and the Cell is raised.

Real Americans vs. Los Matadores

The Matadores are in blue tonight and Torito is now black, sending JBL into a conspiracy filled frenzy. Cesaro sends Diego into the corner to start but gets taken down by a hurricanrana. Diego is sent outside and it’s off to Swagger who takes out his leg to gain control. The announcers debate masked men who are heroes as Cesaro puts on a front facelock. A backdrop puts an invading Swagger on the floor but Cesaro kicks Fernando off the apron to prevent a tag.

There’s the Cesaro Swing to Diego, complete with the fans counting the revolutions. Even Cesaro is dizzy after 31 spins but Fernando makes the save at two. The hot tag brings in Fernando and things speed up a bit, only to see Swagger suplex Fernando down and put on the Patriot Lock. Fernando escapes and tags in the spent Diego who hits a double backbreaker for the pin on Swagger at 5:54.

Rating: D-. I hate this team. I just do and that is all.

Torito gores Colter post match because it was SO funny the first time.

We get the Cena rehab video because there’s no feud between these two.

World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

After the big match intros we’re ready go to. They fight over a top wristlock to start and Cena immediately bails to the floor for safety. Back in and Cena hits a shoulder but it hurts the bad arm so he can’t follow up. Del Rio stomps him down in the corner but Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Del Rio kicks away at the arm and gets two off a German suplex. Off to an armbar for a good while before a stomp to the chest keeps Cena in trouble.

A top rope forearm to the side of the head gets two for the champion and it’s back to the armbar. Cena finally rolls free to send Del Rio out to the floor and get himself a breather. Alberto comes back in and goes up, only to jump into a dropkick. Cena initiates his finishing sequence but the AA is countered into a Backstabber. Del Rio misses a charge into the corner, allowing Cena to hit a tornado DDT of all things for two.

The top rope Fameasser is broken up by a running enziguri but Cena ducks an attempt at a second one. Another AA is escaped and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for the champion. Sandow is shown watching from the back. Del Rio puts Cena in the Tree of Woe but misses a charge into the post, allowing Cena to hit a high cross body for two. Alberto grabs a Codebreaker to the arm but Cena rolls through the cross armbreaker into the STF. Ropes are quickly grabbed though and a low superkick gets two for the champion.

Now the armbreaker goes on full but Cena rolls on top of Del Rio to block a lot of the pressure. Del Rio rolls down Cena’s elbow pad to increase the pressure but Cena lifts him up into the air for a powerbomb in a nice counter. Back up and the AA gives Cena his fourteenth world title at 15:13.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but it wasn’t terrible or anything. Cena winning is the right choice as they can have the rematch next month at Survivor Series, which gives Cena something to do and keeps him out of the main storyline with the new regime and all that jazz. Del Rio losing is fine as it was just a matter of someone catching him eventually. This was fine and I have little problem with Cena winning. If nothing else it might pick up the world title’s credibility.

No Sandow.

More expert panel.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella

AJ is defending. Brie gets shoved down to start and it’s off to a quick chinlock. The fans are noticeably not that interested in the match to put it mildly. A neckbreaker puts Brie down and AJ skips around the ring to the only reaction so far. AJ hooks a guillotine choke but Brie drives her into the corner and hits a middle rope dropkick to put the champion down.

A few more dropkicks have AJ in trouble but she sends Brie into the corner to stop her. The Black Widow is countered and Brie puts on a half crab as Nikki beats up Tamina. AJ makes the rope and Brie’s running knee hits her sister, allowing the Black Widow to retain the title for AJ at 5:20.

Rating: D+. THANK GOODNESS. It’s so nice to see the talented and popular wrestler get the chance for once instead of bowing to reality TV. This likely sets up the Bella feud which no one is interested in but will give us lots of moments to look at the camera for some very REAL heart to heart moments.

The Prime Time Players are playing WWE 14 when Bob Backlund of all people comes up, drenched in sweat for some reason. He thinks video games are a waste of time but Titus says the kids can play and become immortal. The result: Bob Backlund doing the Millions of Dollars dance. I’ve got nothing to add here, but more Bob Backlund cameos would be appreciated.

We get a long recap of Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan. They fought at Night of Champions with Bryan winning but being stripped of the title the next night on Raw. Battleground saw them fight to a no contest, so tonight it’s the showdown in the Cell with guest referee Shawn Michaels. Shawn trained Bryan but is best friends with COO HHH.

WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Inside the Cell with Shawn refereeing. Orton is introduced as the Viper for the first time in forever. HHH comes out as well to make the entrances stretch out even longer but leaves before the bell. The Cell is lowered. They slug it out to start but Orton takes over with a quick powerslam. Bryan comes right back with a quick necksnap and a missile dropkick followed by some kicks in the corner. There’s the moonsault out of the corner but Orton dropkicks a charging Bryan down for two.

Orton slowly stomps away before draping Bryan ribs first over the top rope. Bryan is knocked into the Cell wall and sent into the steps for good measure. Orton rams the head into the cage wall before Bryan reverses a whip to send Randy into the steps. Back inside now with Bryan getting two and firing off the kicks to the chest. Orton gets caught in the Tree of Woe for more kicks to the chest followed by a running dropkick to the face. Orton goes to the floor but sidesteps the FLYING GOAT, sending Bryan head first into the steel.

Back in and Orton loads up a superplex but gets caught in a nice sunset bomb to put both guys down. Shawn hasn’t been a factor at all yet. Bryan fires off more kicks but Orton comes back with right hands, only to have Daniel score with the running clothesline. There’s the Swan Dive for two and Orton’s rollup is countered into a YES Lock attempt. Ropes mean nothing here (actually keeping continuity for a change) so Orton has to crawl to the floor for the break.

Now it’s Bryan whipping Orton into the Cell walls over and over again before dropkicking Orton into the steel. Bryan finds a chair under the ring and pops Orton in the back with it before pulling out several more chairs to toss in the ring. He throws in probably ten chairs before using one to blast Orton in the ribs and back again. Back in and Orton goes to the eyes and picks up a chair for some shots and a two count.

Another shot to the back gets the same and Orton piles up the chairs in the middle of the ring. Bryan is loaded up into a superplex and you can hear the crowd gasp. Daniel punches his way out to prevent immense pain but Orton crotches him down. The superplex connects but only Bryan’s legs hit the chairs, meaning it’s only good for two. This brings HHH back out to say that was a three, giving us our DX moment of extreme emotions. Orton hits the t-bone suplex but Shawn is too busy arguing to count the pin.

More arguing ensues as Orton escapes the YES Lock again. The Elevated DDT connects for two and Shawn argues with HHH even more. Orton loads up the RKO but Bryan shoves him away, taking out Shawn in the process. HHH of course opens the Cell as Bryan hits the running knee, and since he’s in a referee shirt, the former world champion is knocked out from a single shot to the back. Bryan hits the running knee to an invading HHH but Shawn superkicks Bryan down, giving Orton the pin and the title at 22:22;

Rating: B-. Good match but you knew the screwy finish was coming. I liked that they actually cranked up the violence here with some nice weapon spots, but the ending sets up more drama, likely culminating soon. I can’t imagine Shawn fights Bryan in an actual match, but HHH vs. Bryan is likely coming soon. Good main event here but Bryan’s push is in severe pain.

Shawn leaves and Orton and HHH pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was better than I was expecting which was a nice surprise. It certainly isn’t must see or even really all that good, but it feels like something happened here, meaning the show was actually important. That’s a major step up over the previous show this month so at least they’re moving in the right direction. We’ve got some new ideas set up going forward and the matches weren’t bad for the most part, so we’ll call this a nice effort with some decent results.

Results

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Usos and Shield – Cross Rhodes to Rollins

Summer Rae/Fandango b. Great Khali/Natalya – Rollup to Natalya

Big E. Langston b. Dean Ambrose via countout

CM Punk b. Paul Heyman/Ryback – GTS to Ryback

Los Matadores b. Real Americans – Double backbreaker to Swagger

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

AJ Lee b. Brie Bella – Black Widow

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – Orton pinned Bryan after Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels

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More commonly known as Battleground II.Starting with the preshow match as usual, I’ll take and hope for Langston to take the title.  Axel has done nothing with it because WWE has decided to have him job to Punk and R-Truth every few weeks.  Langston needs to take it and not lose a match at all until say February.

Orton vs. Bryan should FINALLY end the feud and I think they go with Randy.  I don’t think Shawn turns heel, but I think somehow Big Show knocks Bryan out by mistake and Shawn has to live up to his word by counting the pin on Bryan to end the show.

Punk has to win the match and end the feud.  This is another one where the promos are still good, but there’s just nowhere else for the story to go.  Punk somehow incapacitates Ryback by locking him out of the Cell or handcuffing him to the wall and destroying Heyman once and for all.

I think Cena takes the title but there’s no cash in.  Cena winning the belt is the best course of action as it gives the title a breath of life and keeps Cena away from the main story.  Sandow being absent from TV this week makes me think they hope we forget about him though, because WWE thinks people forget a character in a week.

Brie beats AJ, the fans don’t react at all for her big moment, meaning it’s time to push her in the main event scene with Bryan and Cena.

I hope the Usos take the belts.  They’re WAY overdue for a title reign, but Goldust and Cody are on fire right now.  I’d be fine either way but I hope the twins take it.

Los Matadores over the Real Americans because it makes sense to job a former world champion and a guy who should be a world champion for the sake of pushing a mascot.

Overall the show doesn’t feel very interesting but it does feel like the end for this way too long cycle.  The extra PPV earlier in the month really dragged things down and made the stories even longer.  A lot of the stories just need to end before they drag on far too long.  Things can finally change up for a set of two month programs before we hit the Rumble and the push for Wrestlemania.  The show will be better than Battleground but won’t light the world on fire.

Thoughts/predictions?

These people astound me at times.1. Apparently Vince doesn’t like Sami Zayn going to the top rope and playing to the crowd so much.  He’s probably right.  I mean, guys like Sting, Hogan, Austin and Rock played to the crowds their entire careers.  Why would you want to be like them when you could be like Miz or Kofi Kingston?

2. The other idea is to split up the Bellas and have Nikki and Brie in a corner for a Cena vs. Bryan rematch.  You know, because the Bellas get such HUGE reactions in their singles matches and have such breakout personalities that everyone can tell them apart right?  I mean, if there’s anything missing from John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan’s A+ match at Summerslam, it was a soulless reality “star” in both of their corners.

According to WWE you can get 20% off if you use the promo code…..Truth.

The common theory I keep seeing is that Cena wins the title, thereby setting up a unification match down the line.  As usual, people are over thinking this.This isn’t to set up a unification match.  It’s a match and story to give Cena something to do that isn’t related to the main story.  If Cena enters that story, he takes the entire thing over and destroys all of the work put into Bryan.  You put Cena in the World Title feud and keep him away from everything else and everyone benefits.  The WHC gets a big boost, Del Rio gets a rub, Cena has something to do, Bryan and Orton and company don’t get overshadowed.

But no, it’s not likely building up to a unification match, at least not soon.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 7, 2013
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the night after Battleground and we’re in the same place we were before with the title picture. Orton vs. Bryan went to a no contest due to interference from Big Show, who finally snapped and went against the regime. This likely sets up Bryan vs. Orton III inside the Cell in just three weeks. Other than that the Rhodes Family got a huge win over the Shield, meaning they very well may get a tag title shot. Let’s get to it.

We open with the recap from last night’s main event.

Here’s a ticked off Stephanie to open the show. She talks about how things went bad last night and how she’s livid as a result. Stephanie demands Big Show get out here right now and immediately starts yelling, saying that Big Show can’t do anything right and last night was the result of way to much stress. He can’t manage his finances, his life, his marriage or anything else.

Show says sorry in less than a half hearted way, sending Stephanie even further over the edge. She goes off about saving his mortgage and owning him and his home so Show asks if he can leave now. Stephanie demands that he beg for forgiveness but Show says no. He knocked Bryan out because she told him to. Stephanie says Show is lying because Brad Maddox gave the other. Show says that Brad is their puppet and calls HHH an SOB. Stephanie slaps him about five times and fires him.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow takes him into the corner tos tart before taking Dolph down into a chinlock. The announcers talk about the opening segment while JBL tries to keep them on topic. Back up and Ziggler is sent throat first into the ropes before Sandow puts on a headscissors. Ziggler is sent to the floor and we take a break. Back with Damien getting two off something we didn’t see and whipping Dolph into the corner a few times. A Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow followed by another chinlock.

Back up and Ziggler is thrown over the top as this is completely one sided so far. Ziggler is sent into the post for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Dolph fights up and sends Damien shoulder first into the post before firing off some awkward looking punches. They head to the floor for even more punches before going inside for right hands to Sandow in the corner. A dropkick gets two for Ziggler but he gets crotched on top for two. Not that it matters as Ziggler hits a quick Fameasser for the pin at 12:18.

Rating: C-. Not a great match at all but it was acceptable and very different from last night’s match. This was more of a squash for the start until we got to the interesting part. Sandow was looking very frustrated after the match which means changes might be in store for him. Also wasn’t he supposed to have a knee injury?

Stephanie yells at Brad Maddox and demands that he go out and apologize for what happened last night.

Bruno Sammartino came out to see the crowd. DURING THE BREAK??? One of the biggest stars of all time is not brought out DURING A BREAK! Lawler led the crowd in singing Happy Birthday to him.

Alicia Fox/Aksana/Rosa Mendes vs. Natalya/Eva Marie/JoJo

This would be Eva and JoJo’s in ring debuts. Natalya runs over Aksana (who seems to have gotten a haircut) to start before it’s off to Eva. It’s clear that neither girl is very comfortable in the ring as the two of them look like they’re trying to remember every scripted spot. Off to the very blonde Rosa who doesn’t do much better, so here’s Alicia to be the ring general. Eva is sent badly into the corner but avoids a knee, allowing for the tag off to Natalya. House is cleaned and a quick Sharpshooter gets the submission from Fox at 3:27.

Rating: D-. When the best thing you can say is neither rookie horribly botched anything, it’s not a good sign. JoJo and Eva are glorified models and everyone knows it, but they’re on a very scripted reality show so they get to be on Monday Night Raw. Nothing to see here and Rosa doesn’t look nearly as good as a blonde.

Before the girls are out of the ring, Maddox comes out to announce Orton vs. Bryan inside the Cell. There’s going to be a guest referee and the fans can vote on which of three Hall of Famers they want for the job. The first option is Booker T, who says vote for him.

Here’s how to download the WWE App. The announcers even say they know we know how to download an app.

Los Matadores vs. 3MB

This would be Mahal/McIntyre this week. Diego throws Mahal around to start but gets kicked in the head and it’s off to McIntyre. Drew puts on an armbar but Diego pops up and makes the tag off to Fernando to clean house. Apparently the Real Americans are tweeting about Los Matadores. Thankfully this doesn’t last long with the double Angle Slam pinning McIntyre at 2:20.

Post match Slater chases after Torito and gets beaten up, allowing Torito to hurricanrana him down.

We recap the opening segment again.

Here are Heyman and his guys with something to say. Heyman says he’s the only man that can say he beat Punk on his own with his arms behind his back. Punk may have pinning Ryback last night but he had to cheat to do so. Before Heyman can say anything else, here’s Punk with a rebuttal. Punk doesn’t like being accused of being a cheater but says he’ll beat Ryback at any time he wants. He accepts the rematch offer before it’s even offered and says he’ll do it anytime anywhere. Ryback says that Punk is a bully and offeres him a fight right now, but here’s R-Truth to join Punk with an offer of a tag match.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. R-Truth/CM Punk

Ryback bails from Punk to start so it’s Axel in first. Curtis is immediately taken down by Punk and it’s off to Truth for some shots of his own. The Heyman guys head to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Axel in trouble from Truth so he brings in Ryback for a bearhug to slow Truth down. Back to Axel for a middle rope ax handle for two followed by some stomping. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Truth is whipped into the corner.

Back to Ryback who rams him into the corner harder than Axel ever could. A slam gets two on Truth and it’s off to an abdominal stretch to stay on the ribs. Truth comes back with a side kick to the face and it’s hot tag Punk to clean house on Axel. There’s the GTS for Curtis and a high kick to Ryback, but it’s back to Truth for the ax kick and the pin on Axel at 12:42.

Rating: C. Basic tag match here which extends one feud which should be extended and keeps another feud going for the sake of keeping it going. Truth vs. Axel has been done already and there’s not need to see them fight again, which is probably why we have to sit through it even more. At least Axel is defending the belt though.

The second candidate for guest referee is Bob Backlund. In his crazy man voice, he says he loves us and we should vote for us because he doesn’t swear. He’s been a good guy in the business but he’s been bad as well, so he doesn’t care who wins the title. If either guy gets out of line, he’ll put them in the crossface chicken wing.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Orton pounds away to start and sends Kofi into the corner for a quick one count. Randy sends him into the steps and back inside, only to have Kofi send him to the floor in turn. Randy throws him right back outside as we take a break. Back with Orton stomping away and getting two off the backbreaker. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Kofi comes back with a middle rope chop to the head.

Randy punches him into the corner but gets caught in a tornado DDT to put both guys down. Kofi gets two off a high cross body and the SOS gets the same. A springboard cross body is countered into the powerslam from Orton but the Elevated DDT is countered as well. They head to the floor with Kofi being sent into the barricade and the Elevated DDT on the floor knocks Kofi out cold. Back in and the RKO gets the pin at 13:43.

Rating: C. This was fine for the most part with some nice sequences throughout. Kofi is the perfect choice for a match like this as he doesn’t lose anything by getting pinned here. He could lose every match he ever has but will still be a credible guy in the ring. Orton gets a win over a name and looks good in the process so points all around.

Post match here’s Bryan to go after Orton despite having no reason to be furious. Agents and referees break it up.

Vickie yells at someone when Del Rio comes up. He thinks he should be named face of the WWE since he’s the only world champion and all. Del Rio sucks up to her a bit and gives her his scarf before kissing her on the cheek. He leaves and Vickie drops the scarf.

The final candidate is Shawn Michaels. He says that he and HHH are indeed personal friends, but this is about business. Shawn trained Daniel Bryan to wrestle but he wouldn’t let that nor his friendship with HHH sway him. He and Orton don’t like each other so that’s not a factor either. Shawn calls himself H-B-Shizzle, drawing a chant from the fans. He guarantees a new WWE Champion because he wants what’s best for the fans.

Here’s how to download the WWE App for Android.

We recap the opening segment. Again.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

RVD is confirmed to be taking time off during the entrances. Non-title of course. Before the match, Vickie says that Alberto’s opponent at HIAC will be……..JOHN CENA? The distraction lets Ricardo get a quick rollup pin at 10 seconds.

Post match Alberto sends Ricardo into the announce table and Pillmanizes his arm.

John Cena tweets about the match which makes it sound official.

Fandango vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder pounds away to start but gets caught in a quick suplex for two. Ryder fights up and hits his usual though before Fandango bails to the floor. Back in and Fandango snaps his neck across the top and hits the guillotine legdrop for the pin at 2:45. Nothing to see here.

Shawn wins the poll by a landslide. Backlund actually got 1/3 of the vote.

Real Americans vs. Santino Marella/Great Khali

Swagger starts with Santino and it’s time to be goofy early on. Santino gets caught in the Real American corner as the fans chant for the bad guys. Cesaro comes in after the Vader Bomb for the double stomp for two. The ice cold tag brings in Khli as the crowd just does not care here. Some chops have Cesaro in trouble but he takes out Khali’s leg and puts on the swing, waking up the crowd immediately. The swing is good for the pin on Khali at 3:52.

Rating: D. Match sucked, swing was awesome, those are my entire thoughts on this stupid match.

Post match Horny gets put in the Swing but Santino makes the save with the Cobra.

Breast cancer sucks.

Here’s Miz for MizTV but before he can get the name out it’s Wyatt time. The lights come out and the Family is in the ring but Miz runs after Bray. He gets in a few shots and gets behind Bray who grabs the Family around their necks and leans over to look at Miz.

Brad begs for mercy from Stephanie when HHH comes in. He’ll be at ringside for the main event tonight.

Shield vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Daniel Bryan

HHH comes out to watch the match. Goldust starts with Rollins and spits in his face before firing off right hands. An atomic drop has Rollins in trouble and it’s off to Cody with a springboard missile dropkick for two. Ambrose comes in for some right hands but gets caught by a knee to the face for two. Back to Goldust to stomp away in the corner and get two off something resembling a bulldog.

Cody comes in again with right hands but Dean takes over in the corner. The moonsault press is countered by Dean shoving Cody off the top and out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ambrose talking trash to Cody and choking away a bit. Cody breaks up a belly to back superplex attempt and hits the moonsault press to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Bryan to speed things up with Rollins.

The moonsault in the corner has Seth confused and a German suplex sets up the top rope hurricanrana for two. Everything breaks down and reigns takes the Disaster Kick. A Cactus Clothesline puts cody and Roman on the floor, leaving Daniel and Seth in the ring. The kick the head sets up the YES Lock but Ambrose hits Cody with a chair for the DQ at 11:00.

Scratch that as HHH says it doesn’t end with a DQ, so restart the match as a No DQ match. The brawling continues and it’s a FLYING GOAT to take out Ambrose and Reigns. Orton comes in from the crowd with an RKO on the floor, giving Rollins the pin on Bryan at 12:22 total.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and the ending was kind of confusing. I guess it’s to seem like HHH will rig the booking to his benefit but they could have done the same finish without the switch at the end. The match wasn’t all that great due to a lack of time, but it still worked well enough for a screwy finish.

Post match the beating is on but here’s Big Show (to music) to stalk HHH. Shield guards the boss but Show gets in the ring anyway. They swarm him but are easily tossed away, leaving just HHH vs. Show. Shield pops back up though and beats down Show as HHH takes his jacket off. He throws them off again and KO’s HHH, leaving Bryan to stand over the boss to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but you could see A LOT of filler in this. It’s very clear that HIAC is just Battleground part 2 which is understandable but doesn’t make it interesting. Shawn Michaels as guest referee should help a bit but there’s only so much he can do. Cena returning will help a lot but it’s really early given how bad his arm was. This was a more coherent show, but it still fees like everyone but Bryan is the focus and that’s not good.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Damien Sandow – Fameasser

Natalya/JoJo/Eva Marie b. Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Aksana – Sharpshooter to Fox

Los Matadores b. 3MB – Double Angle Slam to McIntyre

CM Punk/R-Truth b. Ryback/Curtis Axel – Ax kick to Axel

Randy Orton b. Kofi Kingston – RKO

Fandango b. Zack Ryder – Guillotine legdrop

Real Americans b. Santino Marella/Great Khali – Cesaro Swing to Khali

Shield b. Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Rollins pinned Bryan after an RKO from Randy Orton

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

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According to WWE he will be at least.Tonight it was announced that Del Rio will defend against Cena at HIAC, but I’m skeptical about this.  Two months out for a torn tricep is a VERY fast return, even by Cena’s standards.  It’s possible of course, but I’d be surprised if this was true.  To be fair though Cena tweeted that he’ll be at the show so maybe it’s happening.  This comes off like a “our ratings suck so let’s get him back early” move.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 3, 2005
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 14,387
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

Another request and another three hour show. This is the return of Raw to the USA Network which warranted the debut of apparently the first ever three hour Raw spectacular. As for the card, it’s a two match show but they’re two big matches: Edge vs. Matt Hardy in a ladder match and Shawn vs. Kurt in an iron man match. This should be good so let’s get to it.

The copy has comes with the final five minutes of a special aired before this called Raw Comes Home. Yes, there were four hours of the WWE on this Monday. This part is just a highlight reel and Shawn talks about being at the first Raw. They talk about the Manhattan Center. Sean Mooney makes a cameo. They all knew Raw was special. Shawn is proud of being here the whole time. Vince says the Attitude Era is who they really are. And here’s forty seconds to say that the modern stuff is ok too.

Theme song opens us up.

Here’s Foley to get things going. The ring is set up for Piper’s Pit. Foley says he’s come back home. He introduces the host because the host is no ordinary man. Here’s Piper whose gut is rapidly growing. Piper says he thought he was crazy but he has nothing on Foley. Foley jumps off roofs for fun. But them Piper read Foley’s new book Scooter and he hasn’t slept with the light off in four days.

This is Piper’s Pit though and the fans want to know when Foley is coming back to the WWE. Isn’t he here already? Foley says he came back last year and got beaten up so to come back again he needs a good reason. Piper says the people are a good reason. Cue the Ortons and Foley cuts Randy off and says he should be worried about the legend that’s going to take Orton out this Sunday at No Mercy (Undertaker).

Orton says he isn’t here to talk to Foley, but rather Piper. Piper greets him warmly but Orton cuts him off, saying without Papa Orton, there would be no Piper. Orton goes off on him, saying his dad did all the work and Piper got all the glory. Orton shoves him so Piper takes him down. Foley and Bob pull them apart but Bob sucker punches Roddy and RKOs leave the legends laying.

We recap Shawn vs. Angle. Angle won at Mania, Shawn won at Vengeance, tonight is the rubber match.

Teddy and Eric meet in the back and Eric yells about Orton, a Smackdown guy, coming in tonight. Teddy doesn’t know anything about it but Eric wants to know who else is coming from Smackdown.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

This is thirty minute iron man match. A TON of legends are in the front row. Shawn charges in and runs into a suplex/powerslam from Kurt. Shawn chops him in the corner to take over. Swinging neckbreaker takes Kurt down for two and they head to the floor. Angle hammers him in the corner so Shawn hooks a sleeper. A suplex gets him out of it and Kurt pounds him down for a bunch of two counts.

There’s a chinlock but they have a ton of time to work with here. Shawn breaks it with a jawbreaker at five minutes in. Shawn launches him to the floor and Angle flips forward to land on his face. Freaking OW man. Baseball slide misses and Angle hits the Slam on the floor. Angle stomps away at Shawn in the corner but Michaels comes back briefly. Kurt kills him with a buckle bomb for two.

A superplex is countered but Shawn takes too long up there so Kurt runs the corner and hits a top rope Angle Slam for the first fall after 8:10. Back with about 18 minutes to go and Kurt hooks a chinlock. Shawn tries a comeback but charges into the post. German suplex gets two. Angle whips him in hard but another Slam attempt is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into the ankle lock. Shawn counters into a rollup for the tie at just before 15 minutes to go. Or is it 15 minutes in?

Out to the floor and Shawn gets his head rammed into the steps. Back in and it’s a body scissors by Kurt. Shawn bites the head to get out of it and they slug it out. With twelve minutes left Shawn gets a rollup for two which is rolled into an ankle lock. Kurt hooks the grapevine and Shawn has to tap with about 11:15 to go, putting him up 2-1 and we take a break.

Back with Kurt working on the leg at seven and a half minutes left. Shawn hammers away but Kurt takes out the leg again. He slaps Kurt for some reason and hits the forearm (Flying Burrito says JR). Here’s Shawn’s offensive sequence and the elbow hits. Sweet Chin Music ties it up with 4:45 to go.

Four and a half minutes left. Kurt rolls to the floor and the replay shows that the kick looked awesome. Four minutes left. Shawn gets flipped over in the corner and the Angle Slam gets two. With three minutes left, Shawn counters a Slam into a DDT. Both guys are down but Shawn covers for two at two and a half minutes left. Two minutes to go.

Angle rolls through a moonsault press into an ankle lock in a cool counter. 90 seconds left. Shawn tries to kick him off but Kurt grapevines it again and we have a minute left. Shawn rolls over which might help a bit. Thirty to go and a kick to the face breaks the hold. I’ve NEVER seen the grapevine broken. Shawn kicks his head off but it’s too late for the pin as the bell rings.

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match here as they kept things moving. These two had fantastic chemistry together and this worked perfectly. The ending is kind of weak and Shawn holding on that long is a BIG stretch, but when 28 minutes are fine, there’s not much more you can ask for. Good stuff and all iron man matches should be 30 minutes.

Shawn wants overtime but Kurt walks.

We run down the card for the rest of the show. Lita looks great in the graphic.

Cena was at some hip hop awards show last week.

Kevin Von Erich is in the front row. Think he’s cheered in Dallas?

Eric comes up to see Vince in the back and tries to get out of the match with Cena tonight. He wants it to be No DQ. Vince says no. Eric goes into Easy E mode and calls him Vince. He goes off, saying this is just to drive Eric crazy so we can have a Self Destruction of Eric Bischoff DVD. He calls Vince sick and Vince says you have no idea.

Lillian reads a prepared statement about Vince and his accomplishments (“He is strong, he is handsome, he is…..well endowed?”). Here’s Vince who says this is like the old days. He remembers February 8, 1998. That was the night he beat up Steve Austin. We get a clip (the date stamp says 99, which is correct) of Austin getting pinned by Vince which is his favorite moment.

Vince talks about another favorite moment and here’s Austin. He says Vince looks nervous and isn’t sure why. Vince made Austin right? Austin remembers things differently so here are some of his clips. First up: Austin as a doctor attacking Vince in the hospital and anally violating him with an IV. The next clip is of Bang 3:16. Finally it’s the beer truck which somehow was named the #1 moment in Raw history.

Vince wants to start all over again with Austin. He only showed one of the 12 clips he had. Austin doesn’t quite buy it and Vince tries to run. Austin flips him off and Stuns him because that’s how things should be with these two. Before Austin leaves here’s the dancing son. And there’s a Stunner for Shane before he can do anything. Austin has another beer and it’s Stephanie to the rescue.

Stephanie yells about some stuff and wants to know who Austin thinks he is. He says Steph is lovely and asks what fragrance she’s wearing. Stephanie accidentally grabs his hand and Austin says he gets it: she’s flirting with him. Maybe she’s like to give old Stone Cold a kiss? She slaps him instead so there’s a Stunner for Stephanie. Now here’s Linda of all people. I don’t see this ending well.

Linda goes off on Austin for what happened. Why did he Stun Vince? “Your husband is a piece of trash.” Shane? “He’s a chip off the old block of trash.” Stephanie? “She’s a beautiful young piece of trash.” Linda wants an apology for the family but Austin say why? It was just three Stunners. Austin apologizes and Linda goes to leave. Austin stops her and asks for a kiss on the cheek. He almost implies sex but he’s talking about having a beer.

Linda drinks…and Austin’s arm goes up against her head and she falls down as Austin does. There wasn’t any contract on the fall so it looked awful, but she’s not a wrestler. You know, Vince has been unconscious for 12 minutes now. Shouldn’t he get a doctor to look at him or something?

After a break, Vince says someone will pay for what Austin did and someone is getting fired. It would somehow wind up being JR, who had to leave for legit medical issues.

Edge vs. Matt Hardy

Winner gets the MITB case, the loser leaves Raw. Lita is looking extra great tonight. Edge jumps Matt as he comes through the entrance and sprints up the ladder. It doesn’t work but it was a nice try. Matt turns the ladder upside down and puts Edge in it. He tries to close it which can’t feel good. Edge finally escapes and sends Matt into the ladder.

Edge suplexes him onto the ladder and goes climbing. Matt makes the save but his climb fails also. Edge puts a ladder on the top rope and Matt is sent face first into it. Here’s ladder #2 but Edge takes too long setting it up. Edge gets rammed into it but Matt gets suplexed onto it. There’s the climb but Matt saves and throws Edge into the ladder on the corner. Edge stumbles backwards to knock Matt’s ladder down as we go to a break.

Back with Edge’s suplex attempt through a table being broken up. Matt rams Edge with another ladder to put him in the crowd. Hardy dives into the crowd and the fans are loving this. Matt goes to powerbomb Lita through the table but Edge saves via a kendo stick show. Edge splashes Matt through the table and this is solid stuff again. Edge slowly climbs but Matt gets back in and hits a Twist of Fate off the ladder.

Lita kendo sticks Matt’s leg to break up his attempt so Matt rams her into the buckle. Matt goes up again but Lita pulls the ladder away so he’s just hanging there. Edge drops him onto the ropes and ties him into them. Lita holds his arms there as well in a crucifix position. Edge easily wins.

Rating: B. I’ve always liked this match. These two had a real life issue which made the matches that much more intense. Matt would go to Smackdown and wouldn’t really do anything for awhile while Edge would win his first world title in about three months by cashing in MITB. Can we just look at Lita in those shorts for a little longer?

Matt leaves with security.

Ashley and Trish get ready for later. They talk trash about their bra and panties handicap match later. Mae Young pops up to offer her services. She then flashes some legends and DiBiase offers to pay her to put her shirt back on. Moolah makes the save. Snuka wants to give her the money for something else. Oh dear.

Maria gets hit on by Flair. Flair, the IC Champion, says this is about the return of HHH.

Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Ric Flair/HHH

This is HHH’s return from the beatings Batista gave him. The former Evolution team is good here and HHH looks a little chubby. It’s a brawl to start with HHH and Flair clearing the ring. Flair and Carlito start us off and it’s chops all around from the partners. We take a break and come back with Carlito stomping Ric. Carlito spits the apple in Flair’s face and puts on the figure four.

Trips comes in to break it up but Carlito keeps up on the knee. He slaps Flair in the face but walks into a HARD chop. Carlito goes up and Flair slams him off for a nice change of pace. Flair Flops and Masters breaks up the tag. Masterlock doesn’t quite go on so Flair hits him low. Double tag brings in Carlito to face HHH and house is cleaned with a high knee for both guys. Now a spinebuster for both guys. HHH goes under the ring and pulls out the hammer. Carlito saves Masters from a shot with it but takes a Pedigree. Flair takes out Masters and it’s over.

Rating: C. Just a tag match here so that Flair and HHH could look dominant. Carlito was never really a guy that never got over and I’m not completely sure what the exact reason was. I don’t know if it was his look of his attitude but it never really clicked. Masters was stuck with a bad gimmick and they would never give him anything different so it’s no wonder he never went anywhere.

Post match HHH and Flair celebrate but HHH turns on him by busting him open with the sledgehammer. He hits Flair again with the hammer and we have a lot of blood. HHH sends him to the floor and beats on him in front of the legends in a nice touch.

During the break HHH kept beating on Flair in the back. It’s still going as we’re live. HHH shouts at him about how Flair is better than anybody and HHH isn’t going to let it keep happening. He yells at all the security to try and do something about it. Now they go to a limo and HHH slaps him. He throws Flair in the limo and then breaks the window with the hammer as it drives away. This would wind up being because HHH thought Flair was a joke and a parody of himself so he did this for his own good. This would result in a very violent old school cage match.

The Legends are all in the ring now. There must be 25 guys in there. I’m not sure Dean Malenko qualifies as a legend but I’ll take what I can get. Dusty talks about how all of them used to have some great times. He wants to talk about Harley Race but here’s Rob Conway who was going after legends around this time, although at a much weaker level than Orton.

Conway asks if this is Homecoming or a nursing home. He says this looks like a funeral and they need to go back to their old folks’ home to make room for the next generation. Dusty goes off on him and says that the Legends built the table Conway eats off of. Conway calls Race fat and that’s enough for the legends. Everyone beats on him and David Von Erich puts him down with the Claw. That of course blows the roof off the place. Snuka even hits the Superfly Splash!

Candace Michelle/Victoria/Torrie Wilson vs. Trish Stratus/Ashley Massaro

The three chicks are eventually going to be known as Vince’s Devils and they come out to what would become Laycool’s music. This is bra and panties rules and Trish is Women’s Champion. The three of them combine to rip Ashley’s top off quickly. Ashley rips Victoria’s top off and it’s time for a chase scene. Trish kicks Victoria’s head off and we head in. Jerry: “Where are the puppies???” JR: “In the same place they always are King.” Everyone but Trish loses their shirt and she strips Victoria. Candace almost loses her underwear and Torrie is stripped to end it. I’m not rating it because I think you get the idea here.

Angle comes up to Eric in the back and asks if Eric is worried about the Smackdown guys. Eric isn’t worried and also says that since Vince left, he’s in charge. Cena vs. Bischoff is now No DQ. It would be an honor to have Kurt be at ringside with him. It’s for the title and Bischoff implies if Angle helps him win the title, Eric will forfeit the title and name Kurt the new champion.

Eddie Guerrero/Christian/John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit/Batista/Rey Mysterio

Benoit is US Champion, Batista is World Champion, Teddy Long is in the ring too, Eddie would be dead in about 5 weeks, JBL dances to the ring, and these are all matches on Sunday (Eddie vs. Batista, JBL vs. Mysterio and Benoit was defending the title against Christian, Booker and Orlando Jordan). And there’s no match. The bell rings but Eric comes out and says hold everything. This is Raw, not Smackdown, so cut the lights. Eric cracks up at this and says go to a commercial. This set up Raw vs. Smackdown at Survivor Series.

After a break, here’s Mean Gene to introduce Hulk Hogan. Gene talks about the reality show and all that and asks what’s next. Hulk asks if you can feel the power of Hulkamania here in Dallas. He says he’d love to face Shawn again at any time but I don’t think that ever happened. As for his next challenger, he saw someone out here tonight and the people reacted to him like no one else. The fans chant for Austin and that’s who Hogan means. He wants to know what these people would do if he climbed in the ring with that Rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve Austin. That match would have drawn tens of millions but it never happened.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Eric Bischoff

Angle is here with Bischoff. This was at a period where Batista was the biggest star in the company but Cena was on the rise. At this point, Cena was still pretty much a guy just barely not in over his head. He would grow up a lot over the next six to eight months and become the John Cena that we all know today.

Eric’s kick is countered and remember that it’s No DQ. Cena never takes his eyes off Angle. Angle tries to interfere and Eric gets in some kicks. There’s the Shuffle but Kurt comes in. The Slam is countered but the FU is broken up by a low blow. Angle misses a chair shot and hits himself by mistake. FU ends this clean. This was like two minutes long.

Angle and Cena go at it post match but here’s Teddy to say chill. Teddy says Eric embarrassed Smackdown so here comes the Smackdown guys to beat down Angle and Cena. Raw guys run in and the show ends with Big Show getting in. There’s Survivor Series.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a very different kind of show. It’s like all of the good stuff was at the beginning and then after that everything slows way down and feels a lot less important. The Raw vs. Smackdown stuff was cool but it was a lead for another show. Cena and Eric’s fight was never given a reason and was pretty boring. This show needed much better pacing but the stuff we got at the beginning was quite good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

One of the biggest complaints you’ll see today is that wrestling is booked for kids or that so many fans think the product is stupid. How many times have you heard someone complain about John Cena targeting almost exclusively to children with his promos (ignoring that this isn’t correct)? I’ve tried to explain this over and over again, but if a short version doesn’t work, why not write a lot more about it? Today we’re going to look at how wrestling is marketed to certain audiences and why it’s a bad idea to cater to certain fans. Let’s get to it.

We start in a book instead of the 80s this time. There’s a very interesting (and highly recommended) book called Those Guys Have All The Fun which chronicles the history of ESPN. Back in the early days, ESPN was known for airing almost all college basketball. As in it was aired for over three quarters of the day at times. It was becoming more and more popular, so an executive suggested that ESPN aired nothing but basketball 24/7, but a fellow executive said no way. While it was fine to have a lot of basketball, it would be a much better idea to include stuff like skiing, tennis, running etc.

Now why did the other executive suggest this? His answer was very simple (paraphrased): “If we have 19 hours of basketball instead of 24, we’re not going to lose many basketball fans. But, if we have 24 hours of basketball instead of 5 hours of other stuff, we lose the skiing, tennis and running fans.” As is the case with almost anything else in life, this can be tied into the world of wrestling.

I’ve seen every single episode of Monday Night Raw ever. Whether it was watching live or taping it, I’ve never missed an episode in the twenty plus year history of Raw. In short, I’m a lifer. There is nothing I can imagine WWE doing that is going to make me stop watching the show and they have my full loyalty. I’m sure there are a lot of other fans who are in the same group that I am: loyal fans who are going to watch no matter what is presented.

That last line sums up the entire point of what I’m talking about: a large amount of fans are going to watch wrestling no matter what’s presented on the show. Fans that are intense in their devotion to the product, as in intense enough to go on the internet and check out sites like this one and read other peoples’ opinions on wrestling, aren’t going anywhere anytime son. Therefore, why in the world should WWE waste their time catering to them?

The obsessive fans, often called the IWC, stereotypically love people like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan while thinking guys like Orton and Cena are shoved down our throats. However, when guys like Cena and Orton are on top and guys like Punk and Bryan are clearly steps below those bigger names, the same fans keep coming back over and over again and can snap off histories and results like no one else can. In other words, they claim to hate the show yet they never miss an episode.

That’s why WWE doesn’t cater to the internet fans and why they shouldn’t: those people are going to watch almost every week and it would be a waste of potential revenue to appeal to such people. We may want to see Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk for the world title at Wrestlemania, but the masses have little interest in seeing such a thing. While the fans that know Bryan and Punk know what they’re capable of, a lot of fans see them as just two small guys who don’t look all that interesting. How likely would you be to spend $50-$60 to see two guys who might be interesting fight?

Here’s the thing that the more obsessive fans can’t accept for whatever reason: most people that watch wrestling don’t care to see wrestling. Yeah it’s a part of the show, but much more of it is about the entertainment aspect. Companies like Ring of Honor talk about being all about the action and jazz like that, but look where Ring of Honor is: on a few television stations in less than major cities with a good PPV meaning the feed only cuts out a few times per match. Most fans likely have no idea what ROH is other than hearing it on a Punk DVD and there’s a reason for it: the masses do not care about all wrestling all the time.

If you want a more historical example, look back at the two most successful eras in modern wrestling history: the Golden Age and the Attitude Era. The Golden Age of the 1980s was all about the over the top and colorful antics of guys like Hulk Hogan. Hulk was never what would be considered a ring general, but he had a formula that worked out as well as anything else ever has. Look at Wrestlemania III. There’s a match with incredible action that changed the way wrestling worked, and on the other hand we have the biggest match ever. Which do you think drew more people to the show?

There’s also the Attitude Era, where wrestling was a rare luxury. I can’t count how many times I’ve watched a Raw from 1999 where a match ran about two minutes before someone came in for a DQ to set up more story elements. Again though, look at how much money the Attitude Era produced by comparison to times like the mid-90s or the Ruthless Aggression Era when wrestling was the focal point of the show. It’s two different worlds and the story driven shows, as in the shows booked for the masses instead of the loyal fans, are far more successful.

Let’s move on now to a more modern idea which continues to make me shake my head: the John Cena issue. One of the most common complaints you hear about Cena is that he’s booked for children and makes really stupid jokes. This is very true and I don’t argue any point of it. I also don’t argue that it’s the smartest thing the WWE can do for a variety of reasons.

First and foremost, there’s the obvious one: merchandising. John Cena appeals to children and every few months he has a new t-shirt out and it’s only $24.99 to make your kid smile because he gets to look like his hero. The NWO did it, Austin did it, Rock did it, but now Cena doing it is stupid because the shirt is red or blue?

Side note about the shirts: look at the lessons/morals the shirts are teaching kids. Austin: “Screw authority and beat up people who disagree with you.” Rock: “Be as big of a jerk as you can and insult anyone you don’t like.” Hogan: “Exercise, pray and believe in yourself.” Cena: “Work hard, be loyal and respect people.” Why do people complain about Hogan and Cena’s catchphrases? Austin, Rock and the NWO basically tell people to cause as much trouble as possible while Cena and Hogan say be good and work hard to get what you want. Those are bad things to teach kids?

Second, yeah Cena caters to kids and the jokes he makes are usually really corny. I hear all of his promos and I don’t get why people complain about them so much. At the end of the day, they’re not made for me and I’d be ridiculous to expect everything was trying to appeal to my demographic. Cena is there for kids (other than that whole year long feud with Rock where the promos were mostly for adults, as was the entire feud. The same was true with Lesnar. Cena only caters to kids though and there’s an army of fans who will tell you so) and guys like Punk, Heyman, Orton, the Wyatts, Shield and Bryan are there for older fans.

Finally, yeah Cena does a lot of the same stuff over and over again. This would be totally different than:

Right hands, middle finger, Thesz Press, Stunner

Samoan drop, spinebuster, Rock Bottom, People’s Elbow

Big boot, chokeslam, Last Ride, Tombston

Knee crusher, knee drop, cannonball down onto the leg, Figure Four

Atomic drop, backbreaker, middle rope elbow, Russian legsweep, Sharpshooter

Hulk Up, right hands, big boot, legdrop

And I could go on and on. EVERYONE has sequences they use and Cena is no different than anyone else. He uses the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but for some reason that’s stupid where as a 20 second build to a standard elbow drop is fine? You can call most of Daniel Bryan’s spots ten seconds before he does most of them. Again, it would be ridiculous to try to mix things up simply because some fans are bored by what they see in Cena’s matches.

Overall, the rabid fans that watch every week have one general problem: they watch every week. If you watch wrestling, or anything for that matter, long enough you’re going to see a few of the same things come up over and over. Here’s the thing though: there are a lot of fans who either A, don’t care that things happen again and again or B, don’t watch every single episode and don’t notice it over and over again. Wresting should never be catered to the people that watch weekly, for that very simple reason: why try to get people to watch when they’re already watching and you could bring in more fans with other stuff?

Yeah it came out months ago and everyone has seen it, but when have I ever been one to have something up as soon as possible?This is going to be more of a collection of single thoughts instead of a point by point review.

The first part of the DVD focuses on Punk’s indy days and how hard he worked and all that jazz.  I’ll save the reasoning for an I Want To Talk A Little Bit About that (hopefully) will be up this weekend, but the short response to this is “That’s nice, now let’s let the real wrestlers do their stuff over here.”  Also those Samoa Joe matches really aren’t that great.  They’re just not.

Punk talking about no one knowing what to do with him is probably a fair point.  The early days in ECW were indeed awkward because he didn’t have time to do much.  You can only get so much out of a four minute match with Little Guido or Justin Credible.  He doesn’t mention it but he should have gotten a MUCH bigger push in the Extreme Elimination Chamber.  Bobby Lashley clearly didn’t work long term, but at the time it was fair to say he was a stronger prospect than Punk.

It amuses me greatly that WWE is still trying to convince us that being World Heavyweight Champion means something.  I will however agree that he should have been pushed harder as champion and shouldn’t have been treated like the third biggest act.  The complaints about being beneath Cena vs. Batista on the card are laughable though.  That’s a legitimate dream match that had been built up for over three years minimum.

Yes Punk should have at least been on the Unforgiven card (sidenote: it’s a bad sign that I said “it was in Cleveland” before Punk pointed out that it was in Cleveland.  This is at least the second time I’ve known the city a show was in while watching the documentary.) but Jericho vs. HBK was the feud of the year and far better than anything Punk was doing at the time.  Punk’s story was that he was an underdog fighting for respect.  That’s not exactly lighting the world on fire.

Punk talks about not getting to be the face of the company.  He also talks about not just burning but blowing up every single bridge he’s ever had with a company and being a mean jerk.  But I’m sure he isn’t pushed as the biggest star because someone doesn’t get him right?

He’s absolutely right about writers not knowing what’s going on in his head.  At least have a wrestler’s input when you’re writing promos if you just have to do it that way.  It’s why I rarely let people do promos when I wrote OCW.  They were my characters and I didn’t want people missing the point with them.

The Straight Edge Society could have been a much bigger deal.  Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury did it no favors though.  Also I was there when the stable debuted which was rather cool.  As someone who has never smoked, drank or done any drug whatsoever, I always liked those guys.  As for Punk’s thoughts on it: I LOVE the mentality of wanting fans to hate you for what you say.  That’s the old school booking which has worked for years as opposed to whatever tactics heels use today.

Miz was a very well built up heel and should have been in the main event.  If Punk had been in his spot, he would have been overshaddowed by Rock just as much.  That’s how wrestling works.

On to the Pipe Bomb.  John Cena is indeed the best in the world because he draws more money than anyone does at the moment.  He’s been the biggest star in wrestling for years because he can be put on a poster or be on ESPN and comes off like the nicest guy you’ll ever see.  He isn’t a, for lack of a better term, punk covered in tattoos who brags about how awesome he is all the time.  That’s a great look and attitude for wrestling fans in their 20s, but for 43 year old Jim Nelson from Omaha, Punk is someone they’ll see on TV, mutter about how stupid kids look these days and keep flipping.  You know what’s going to make people stop changing the channel?  John Cena throwing Big Show on his shoulders and flipping him into the air for an AA.

The best thing about the Pipe Bomb?  It lead to a professional wrestling match for the WWE Championship with CM Punk talking about how he was going to pin John Cena 1-2-3 because he’s a better wrestler.  It didn’t lead to some southern belle talking about being in the 1% or what was best for business.  The same was true for the Punk vs. Heyman promos and they led to AWESOME matches as a result.  That’s called hyping a match and it WORKS.

I watched the MITB match again for the History of WWE Championship e-book and it more than holds up.  The fans there look like a bunch of girl scouts compared to the ONS 06 crowd though.  Note one thing though: for at least part of the match, the fans are chanting LET’S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS.  They’re talking about Cena, not Punk, and that’s why Cena is Cena and Punk is Punk.  Also the line about “we didn’t know how that was going to end and that’s what makes it great” is as true of a line as anything you’ll ever hear about wrestling.

Overall, I liked this quite a bit though I don’t agree with Punk on a lot of stuff.  He is indeed a huge deal at the moment, but he’s not as big as Cena and never will be due to the reasons I’ve gone over.  I love the mentality of being better than you are now though and it’s something a lot of people would benefit from.  Good stuff and worth seeing though.

Side notes:

Punk looks a lot like Sami Zayn when he wears a hat.

There’s a voiceover early on and I thought it sounded like Road Dogg.  It was Scott Armstrong, which means I was close.

For those of you unaware, Scott Armstrong is Road Dogg’s brother.

Kofi Kingston and CM Punk are some of the most forgettable tag team champions ever.

I still don’t buy that Punk wasn’t signed at least 24 hours before he cut the Pipe Bomb promo.

The Ferris Bueller’s Day Off bit was GREAT.