Smackdown
Date: October 30, 2003
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

The Heyman Era has its first full night this week and you can imagine that Vince McMahon isn’t all that happy with him. Last week’s show ended with Undertaker managing to defeat Big Show and Brock Lesnar in the same match. Naturally he pinned them both in one match because wins and losses don’t matter to champions in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s big story with Heyman becoming GM and Undertaker overcoming the odds to set up his Buried Alive match at Survivor Series. It’s amazing how much younger and energetic (and less bloated) Heyman looks here. This eats up over four minutes.

Opening sequence.

At Survivor Series: Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar.

A-Train/John Cena vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Rematch from last week where Angle and Benoit got in a fight. Before the match, Cena thinks Angle and Benoit are breaking up but then they were kissing and making up. Oh and he and A-Train are Han Solo and a Wookie. The chicks dig that about A-Train though. Benoit headlocks Cena to start as the announcers talk about who might be on which Survivor Series team.

A hiptoss sends Cena into the corner and it’s off to Angle to beat on him even more. A-Train comes in and gets suplexed, followed by a backdrop to Cena. That’s enough of a distraction for A-Train to blast Cena with a clothesline, followed by a Vader Bomb for two as the pace picks up a little bit. Something like a Polish Hammer gives Cena two (there’s a move that could come back) and the big clothesline puts Angle down again.

A DDT allows the hot tag to Benoit who starts cleaning house with a running forearm to A-Train. Benoit grabs the German suplex but the Swan Dive only hits mat. Angle is right back in with an Angle Slam to A-Train, only to walk into an FU. Not that it matters as Benoit rolls the German suplexes on A-Train, followed by the Swan Dive for the pin. How often do you see that get a clean fall?

Rating: C. This was entertaining and got a little bit of time to make things that much better. A-Train is good in the role of enforcer and Cena is getting better in the ring. You can see a lot of the Survivor Series teams from here and that makes for some fun times. They could put together a good match and if the build works as well, so be it.

Post match Cena yells at A-Train and gets slapped so Cena kicks him low. An FU plants A-Train and I think the face turn has begun.

Vince rips into Heyman for screwing everything up last week and says there won’t be a Buried Alive match because there won’t be an Undertaker at Survivor Series. Heyman says that’s going to be a problem because he’s given Undertaker time off until Survivor Series. The following is a direct quote.

Vince: “This is what’s gonna happen. Terrorists are going to burn down the Undertaker’s house. His children are going to be kidnapped. His wife, she’s gonna be raped by a motorcycle gang, right in front of him. That’s the plan I want implemented!” BUT REMEMBER! THE MOST DASTARDLY THING VINCE EVER DID WAS CLOTHESLINE AND BODY SLAM STEPHANIE! Vince wants all this done in fifteen minutes or he’s going to strangle Heyman to death in the arena.

Torrie Wilson is getting ready for a Trick or Treat contest and sizes up some of her options. Naturally she just got out of the shower and is in a towel.

Angle asks Benoit to be on his team and Chris accepts. They are NOT friends though.

Heyman goes to see Vince and tells him he didn’t go through with any part of Vince’s plan. Good for him to not be in on the terroristic threats and various other crimes. Vince isn’t happy and promises to strangle Heyman to death and THEN fire him. Paul asks why Vince has sunk this low. He used to go toe to toe with Steve Austin and now he’s happy with slapping around Paul Heyman, Zach Gowen and Stephanie McMahon? Heyman wants the ruthless Vince who destroyed WCW and stared down the federal government. We get the big inspirational speech and Vince seems to buy it.

The announcers want to know what’s going on.

Video on the recent house show tour. Are they running short tonight and needing to fill time?

Ultimate Dragon vs. Rey Mysterio

Tajiri sits in on commentary with his bodyguards at his side. Rey’s tights are rather odd as he has his usual blue/green tights but what looks to be purple cutoff jean shorts over top of them. A spinning springboard crossbody gets two on Dragon as Tajiri is rather tight lipped about anything Cole asks him. He does apologize for misting Nidia but says she’s not nice. Rey dropkicks the knee out and the sitout bulldog is good for two. Dragon backdrops him over the top to avoid the 619 and kicks him out of the air for good measure. The ref gets bumped and Tajiri kicks Rey (behind Dragon’s back) for the pin. Dragon is confused.

Post match Tajiri and the goons get in with Tajiri bowing to Dragon, who just shrugs and leaves.

Big Show and Brock Lesnar bicker about last week’s loss. A production assistant comes in to say Heyman wants to see Lesnar in the ring. Show: “That can’t be good.”

Here’s Heyman, flanked by Nathan Jones and another giant. Heyman introduces Jones as someone who is feared on several continents and was given bad advice by Undertaker. His fellow monster is Matt Morgan, meaning Heyman has scooped both Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff because Morgan will dominate everyone put in front of him. With the two of them guarding him, Heyman wants Lesnar here right now.

Cue Brock with a smile on his face and telling Paul to shut up. Brock isn’t dumb enough to get in there with those two monsters but Heyman wants to talk business. That’s cool with Lesnar but he brings out Big Show just in case. Lesnar still hates Heyman’s guts, but if he wants to talk business then it’s another thing. Heyman has named Lesnar a captain at Survivor Series and he’s already given Brock three team members: Big Show, Jones and Morgan. There are two other men who want to be the last member of the team, so tonight it’s Big Show/Lesnar vs. the APA. Heyman says to trust his greed, which seems to work for Brock.

Orlando Jordan and Paul London are playing Smackdown vs. Raw when Dawn Marie comes in to show off her costume. They seem pleased and go back to the game.

Hardcore Holly is still coming back.

Funaki, in an afro and loud jacket, is the emcee for the Trick or Treat contest. Torrie is a sexy bunny (complete with carrots) and Dawn is Wonder Woman (a required costume). They both get to present their costumes and of course Torrie wins, despite wearing a bit more than she usually does. Next up is bobbing for apples in chocolate with Dawn covering herself in said chocolate and taking her top off. Tazz says that’s the treat so let’s show Funaki the trick. Torrie shoves Tazz into the chocolate. Was this supposed to be funny? The costumes looked good but the “comedy”….not so much.

Ernest Miller is coming. WHY???

Brock offers Cena the last spot on the team but doesn’t get an answer.

Tazz, still covered in chocolate, hugs Cole.

Chavo Guerrero reminds Eddie of his recent losses. He’s sinking low again, like when he was on drugs and alcohol. What is with the writing on this show tonight?

We recap Eddie’s losses. Can we get a match anytime soon?

Here’s a depressed Eddie, on foot, for a chat as the lack of wrestling continues. Chavo wanted a public apology for Eddie losing two titles in a week. It’s true that Eddie let people down, including la familia. Eddie apologizes in Spanish and says what Chavo told him hurt. He’s been fighting his addictions for a long time and it’s life for him instead of a game. A fan says Eddie sucks and Eddie agrees with him. Why did Chavo have to bring that up?

Eddie talks about his character being defined by how he picks himself up after being knocked down. A smile creeps onto his face and Eddie says he’s going to fight for Chavo and his raza. Cue Shaniqua with the Tag Team Titles. Eddie: “A mamacita wannabe!” It’s a ruse so the Bashams can come in for a beatdown but Eddie fights all of them off. Danny breaks up a frog splash attempt though and Eddie gets beaten down. Way to use the energy from that really good promo guys. Chavo FINALLY comes in for the save.

Post break Eddie rants to Heyman about wanting the Bashams so he gets them next week….in a handicap match. You know, like last week. Eddie freaks out.

Angle announces the rest of his team: the APA and Bob Holly. And we’re supposed to pay to see those three against Jones and Morgan?

The announcers mess with the chocolate some more.

Survivor Series rundown.

Since we haven’t talked enough yet, Undertaker has a sitdown interview to talk about why he picked Vince. Sometimes you have to take beatings to get what you want but Big Show and Lesnar will get what’s coming to them later. Undertaker wants the title back so he has to get rid of Vince to get him there. Vince has dug his own grave.

Big Show/Brock Lesnar vs. APA

Yep, it’s your main event. Brock and Bradshaw start things off with the champ throwing him into the corner without much effort. Bradshaw gets in a shoulder but it’s off to Show to run him over again. A side slam and headbutt have Bradshaw rocked even more as this is one sided so far. Faarooq comes in for some better results, including charging at Show and clearly pulling up before hitting a shoulder. Show boots him in the face as everything breaks down. A chair to Faarooq’s back is enough for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Nothing match here but you can imagine the post match angle that it was there to allow. The APA just doesn’t matter in 2003 and there’s really no hiding it anymore. They used to be good but Faarooq is too old and it’s getting harder for them to find ways around it. There was nothing to see here and that was the planned idea.

Post match Lesnar and Show destroy Faarooq’s leg with a chair. Bradshaw gets chaired down as well but it’s Benoit and Angle coming in for the save. A double submission goes on but Morgan and Jones run in for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Total wrestling time on this show: 12:27. Now I can live with a show with very little wrestling if the rest is good but remember what we had on this show. We went from Vince wanting to have Undertaker’s wife raped to Nathan Jones/Matt Morgan being presented as main eventers to a costume contest with Tazz being shoved into chocolate to a speech about overcoming addictions to Bob Holly being presented as a main eventer. This was horrible and I don’t know if Vince was preoccupied with the wedding or something else but it was a complete mess with almost nothing of value in two hours.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event
Date: March 29, 2018
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Vic Joseph

This could be one of the more important Main Events of the year as they can do a pretty hard sale of Wrestlemania with so few shows left to go before Wrestlemania. There was some big stuff this week and that means it’s time to really crank things up. Oh and the cruiserweight tag match. Never forget about that. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Titus Worldwide vs. The Revival

Wilder and Apollo start things off but we’re at a four way staredown less than thirty seconds in. Dawson comes in and gets backdropped for his efforts, allowing the tag to Titus. It’s already back to Wilder and a running clothesline gives Apollo two. Apollo gets elbowed down in the corner though and Dawson grabs a waistlock. That goes into a chinlock and it’s exactly what you would expect to follow that hold. Wilder gets powerslammed and the hot tag brings in Titus to clean house. Not that it matters as the Shatter Machine ends Titus at 5:52.

Rating: D. This was lame even by Main Event standards with Titus Worldwide already losing a lot of its limited steam. The same is true of the Revival, who hasn’t done much in recent weeks. Having them thrown into the battle royal isn’t a good sign for them either, but at least they’re not being completely buried.

From Raw.

Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to open things up. Heyman recaps the attack on Roman Reigns last week and of course we see some clips. As it turns out, Reigns’ suspension is lifted but he’s not here tonight. Heyman goes over the Samoan wrestling family raising Roman to be a star and a champion. What they didn’t raise him to be is a man.

Reigns was the one saying he was here every single week no matter what but he’s not here tonight. Maybe Reigns should have found three MMA students, dressed them up like US Marshals and beaten the heck out of them before starting a fight with Lesnar. Reigns isn’t man enough to do that though, nor is he man enough to show up here and take another beating from Brock.

Heyman loads up the end but Reigns is in the crowd. He comes out swinging with a chair and gets in a few shots but Brock runs him over. A HARD shot to the face with the steps puts Reigns down and Brock lays him out with the chair. Brock goes to leave but comes back with an F5 onto the steps. Reigns is left laying, again. The story they’re telling here is good, but Reigns not even missing a single show isn’t helping. That and the fans don’t want to cheer for Reigns and there isn’t much of a way around that problem.

We look at Daniel Bryan’s return announcement and beatdown at the hands of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn.

From Smackdown.

Here’s Daniel Bryan for a chat on the stage. He loves being in Pittsburgh because he’s cleared to be back in the ring. However, tonight he has a job to do as General Manager. Bryan is willing to give Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn one more chance: in a tag match against Shane McMahon and himself at Wrestlemania. Shane should be back in time for Wrestlemania, so we have some stipulations. If Owens and Zayn lose, they stay fired. If they win, they’re back on Smackdown Live.

Bryan talks about opportunities, like the ones he’s given Owens and Zayn. He’s given them those opportunities because the two of them have always been there for him, whether it’s as a partner or if he needed a bed to sleep in. Bryan has a bunch of responsibilities as General Manager like going to meetings, filling out paperwork and wearing these blazers (CM Punk would not approve).

He’s sick of all of them because he fought for three years to get this spot. Owens and Zayn have held him back and now, it’s time for him to fight at Wrestlemania. Bryan goes on a rant about how this isn’t the Bryan on a disabled list or the General Manager. This is the Bryan coming to Wrestlemania to take out Owens and Zayn.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Lucha House Party vs. Tony Nese/Ariya Daivari/Jack Gallagher

Metalik and Daivari get things going with Ariya charging into a raised boot in the corner. Nese takes Metalik into the corner though and we take an abrupt break (felt like a clip), coming back with Metalik hitting a springboard double dropkick. Dorado dives onto Daivari and Gallagher, leaving the Salida Del Sol to end Nese at 1:46. Oh yeah they clipped the heck out of that.

From Raw.

Here’s Kurt Angle to bring out Ronda Rousey. Angle talks about Stephanie and HHH being ready for anything so Wrestlemania is going to be a lot of fun. Rousey was watching that video earlier and Stephanie is tough, but she’s trust fun tough. She’s limousine riding tough. At Wrestlemania, she’s get what’s coming to her when Ronda takes her arm out of its socket.

Cue Absolution with Paige saying this is their world. It’s nice that Rousey is going into her first match but she needs backup. Rousey could be the fourth member of Absolution! That’s a no from Ronda so Paige sends the other two after her. Deville goes down with one shot and Rousey suplexes Mandy into Sonya’s legs. Rousey grabs Mandy’s arm and cranks a bit but Angle calms her down. That’s very Ken Shamrock of her. This was another rough segment from Rousey, but once she goes beast mode, she’s exactly what WWE wants her to be. The talking though….needs some work.

We recap John Cena calling out Undertaker over and over, basically acting like the biggest jerk in the world in the process.

From Raw again.

John Cena vs. Kane

No DQ. Kane wastes no time in stomping Cena down and a big boot puts him on the floor. We’re already in the chinlock and Cena can’t power up with the AA as Kane falls down onto him for two. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps as we take a break. Back with Kane knocking him through the crowd and hitting a suplex onto a well placed piece of barricade. They head back to the ring with Kane putting him down and going to take off a turnbuckle.

Cena sits up and sends him into the buckle, followed by the throat slit. A chokeslam gets two on Kane and it’s table time. Kane sits up this time though and shoves the table over before the AA can connect. Instead he sends Cena through the table in the corner for two. Rather than going after Cena even more, it’s another table being set up instead. The chokeslam is countered into an AA through the table to give Cena the pin at 14:02.

Rating: C. I’m still not interested in seeing Cena vs. Kane but at least they’re doing something else to set up the match than the usual stuff. That being said, Cena acting like Undertaker is some horrible person for wanting to retire because Cena wants a match at Wrestlemania is flimsy at best. This was perfectly fine for a house show main event.

Post match Cena wants to know where the lightning is. He calls Undertaker a coward again because there’s no response. Cena is willing to go to Wrestlemania as a fan because all he wants is SOMETHING from Undertaker. There’s just one week left to go because Undertaker has one week left to do something and define his career. Oh good grief. Anyway Cena wants him here next week because it’s Undertaker’s last chance.

Overall Rating: D+. That clipped match made things even less interesting than usual and my goodness Cena gets more and more obnoxious every time he runs his mouth about Undertaker. The Reigns vs. Lesnar and Bryan stuff was all very good and helped the show, but bad wrestling and emphasizing the really bad stories didn’t do this show any favors.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXIII
Date: April 1, 2007
Location: Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 80,103
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles

In a word, the show feels bigger this year. The Trump match is of course the real featured attraction but the two World Title matches aren’t bad either. We have John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels and Royal Rumble winner Undertaker challenging Batista for the Smackdown World Title in a pretty important match. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Carlito/Ric Flair vs. Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero

Lumberjack match. Flair and Carlito had been a bit of an oddball mentor/mentee pairing. Helms (formerly Hurricane) and Chavo (Cruiserweight Champion, or Cruiserweight of the World according to ring announcer Lilian Garcia) are just a makeshift team. The lumberjacks really aren’t important enough to list off. The curtain is still down over the entrance, making for a very odd visual.

Flair and Helms get things going with Ric busting out some early chops. It’s off to Carlito as JBL (now a commentator due to a back injury) explains Flair taking Carlito under his wing to light a fire in him. Chavo is thrown to the floor but quickly gets tossed by in by Snitsky. Now it’s Helms knocking Carlito out to the floor for an easy return by the lumberjacks. Carlito gets double suplexed as JBL makes a thinly veiled fat joke about Aretha Franklin.

Helms slowly pounds Carlito down until a botched hurricanrana allows for the tag to Flair. The lumberjacks keep slapping the mat and it sounds like bubble wrap popping. Chops and backdrops abound but Helms saves Chavo from the Figure Four. Everything breaks down and Chavo misses the frog splash, allowing the tag to Carlito for a quick Backstabber to pin Chavo at 6:37.

Rating: C. Nice little tag match here and a refreshing change after the back to back battle royals. Flair is a treat for the fans and he doesn’t take anything away from the rest of the show. If nothing else it gives you a sense of how huge the crowd is as you can feel the energy of that many people in one place. Good choice for a dark match here and it worked just fine.

The opening video again focuses on the history of the show and Wrestlemania III in particular. There’s a good line about the show coming back to Detroit twenty years later with everyone all grown up, which was the tag line and theme of the show. It’s a simple idea but the campaign grew on me more and more every time I saw it.

We go back to Wrestlemania III for Vince’s introduction of Aretha Franklin, which is used to introduce her again for America the Beautiful, this time backed by a gospel choir.

The other opening video follows up on the theme of All Grown Up by showing kids dressed as various wrestlers and then showing them growing up. We also see some clips of people from early in their careers and then newer pictures of them through the years in a really cool concept. The voiceovers talk about people working their lives to get here to prove that they’re the best in a more standard Wrestlemania theme. Outstanding stuff here and they knocked it out of the park.

For the first time in a few years that sea of humanity is back. Sweet goodness that’s a lot of people.

Jeff Hardy vs. King Booker vs. Finlay vs. CM Punk vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge

Money in the Bank and the match has expanded to what would become the standard field. Booker won King of the Ring last year and started speaking with a British accent, I’m pretty sure you know who Punk is and Kennedy is a loudmouth who introduces himself twice (which was considered a great gimmick for some reason) and would become Mr. Anderson in TNA.

Orton and Kennedy go for the ladder to start as everyone else brawls outside. Finlay dives onto a big pile of people and Matt has to intercept Edge from climbing. That leaves Finlay and Orton to fight on top of the ladder but Kennedy makes the save. Booker goes for another ladder but finds out that it’s three feet tall. His reaction of disgust is good for a chuckle. Edge busts Punk open with a ladder and then bridges it between the apron and the barricade. There is no way that’s going to end well.

Booker beats up a bunch of people with spinebusters and a superkick until the Hardys crush him with a pair of ladders. Finlay saves Edge for reasons that aren’t clear and Matt gets shoved onto an overturned ladder. Kennedy puts Matt on a ladder and loads up the Kenton Bomb (swanton) but only hits ladder, landing square on the back of his head. That was sick. Jeff hits the swanton and it’s the brothers fighting on top of the ladder until Finlay shoves them down.

Edge comes back in and spears almost everyone until Punk leapfrogs him. Punk puts the ladder around his head and spins around, only to have Edge take him down with a spear, knocking the ladder into Orton and Finlay in the process. It’s time for the big ladder (you knew that was coming) but Orton shoves Edge off and out to the floor. Matt lays Edge on the ladder bridged at ringside and Jeff goes climbing. A huge legdrop BREAKS THE LADDER and crushes Edge in the process, leaving both guys dead at ringside.

Edge is taken out on a stretcher as Orton hits a string of RKOs. It’s Punk’s turn to make the save (though Orton wasn’t even under the briefcase) and climb, only to take a super RKO off the ladder for the next big spot. Booker has to block another RKO off the ladder and settles for a Book End (nowhere near as high) to plant Orton. Sharmell pulls Matt down so Booker can climb but the threat of a Twist of Fate brings Booker back down. Nice heroics there Matt.

A bloody Finlay shoves Matt off the ladder and a Celtic Cross (White Noise) drops Matt onto it for good measure. Cue Hornswoggle (Finlay’s leprechaun, later revealed as his son) to climb instead of the injured Finlay but Anderson makes the save with a Regal Roll off the ladder for one of the more bizarre spots of the match. Finlay dispatches Kennedy and goes up but Punk dropkicks (and bends) the ladder. Kennedy is right back up with a save though, allowing him to climb up (after moving the ladder around so he can look at the hard camera) for the win at 24:10.

Rating: B-. It was fun but they’re firmly into the standard Money in the Bank formula of having most of the people lay around and disappear after a long stretch of the match is over. If you noticed, there was a LONG stretch near the end where people were just gone for like five minutes each after a single spot. That would become the standard, no matter how repetitive it would get. Again: less people is more in this and WWE never quite remembered that. Kennedy would lose his briefcase to Edge due to a bad triceps injury with Edge winning the title soon after.

Clip of the debut of the Condemned, Steve Austin’s movie. Various wrestlers and audience members (part of 4,500 people at the premiere) all LOVED IT of course.

Kennedy congratulates himself on the win and warns any World Champion that he’s coming for them. Thank God he’s Mr. Money in the Bank. Bank.

Batista is All Grown Up. These videos will be on all night long with different people starting as kids and then becoming what they are today and narrating about what it means to them.

Great Khali vs. Kane

Khali is a 7’7 monster who was brought in as the modern day Giant Gonzalez and was about as talented. Kane is one of the only people who can come close to matching his size but Khali shoves him down with ease to start. A throat snap across the top rope staggers Khali but the even bigger giant slams the smaller giant with ease. JR gets in the bowling shoe reference and it’s very accurate at this point. Kane’s comeback is shrugged away with a flick of the arm and the top rope clothesline doesn’t even put Khali down.

Instead another right hand ties Khali up in the ropes…..and it’s time for a big metal meathook. It’s a prop from Kane’s horror movie See No Evil but Khali knocks it out of his hand and rips open a turnbuckle with one hand. The referee has to go tend to that so Kane hits Khali with the hook, setting up a slam designed to recreate Hogan slamming Andre. It doesn’t quite work the same way (understatement of the year) but it was an impressive visual. Not that it matters though as the Tree Slam (a double chokeslam later called the Punjabi Plunge) is good enough to give Khali the pin at 5:32.

Rating: D. That slam was impressive but this was a squash otherwise. Khali as a monster was a good fit, but Undertaker had already destroyed him in the big gimmick match last year. Therefore he would wind up as the Smackdown World Champion over the summer due to yet another injury in the main event scene. Good idea here but it didn’t work due to Khali’s limitations.

Khali chokes him with the chain post match.

The Divas are All Grown Up.

Cryme Tyme (a street thug tag team who stole a lot of stuff and would probably get the company a bad reprimand today) talks to Eugene and tell him they’re going to hook him up. They head down the hall to find Extreme Expose (Kelly Kelly, Brooke Adams and Layla, three very good looking women who danced all the time) in matching outfits. The crowd greatly approves but Eugene is more intrigued by Moolah and Mae Young in similar outfits.

Reverend Slick comes in to join the party (now with a disco ball) but Dusty Rhodes takes over instead. This brings in Sgt. Slaughter, Jimmy Hart, IRS, Gerald Brisco and finally Ricky Steamboat in karate gear. Ron Simmons comes in for his one word catchphrase (a bad word beginning with D) to cap the whole thing off, as was his custom. Funny stuff here as usual and always entertaining.

US Title: MVP vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending. MVP (Montel Vontaveous Porter) is a very arrogant athlete modeled on Deion Sanders from the 1990s. He gets a big entrance with his own cheerleaders, which really does fit his over the top, self obsessed character. They hit the mat to start with MVP cranking on the leg for a very early advantage. Benoit can’t get in a German and the threat of a Crossface sends Benoit out to the floor.

MVP counters the Sharpshooter but has to crawl backwards to escape another threat of a Crossface. Benoit’s shoulder is draped across the top rope to change momentum. Cole: “Smart move by MVP to go after the arm.” More like common sense Cole. Some German suplexes look to set up the Swan Dive but MVP takes him down with a superplex, only to have Benoit tie up the legs for two on the landing.

The bad arm goes into the post again and we hit the armbar. Benoit’s quick Crossface attempt is blocked by some shots to the arm as JBL goes on about how awesome MVP is, basically guaranteeing his loss. Some Germans give Benoit a reprieve and the Swan Dive gives him the pin to retain at 9:21.

Rating: C-. Not the worst here but they arm stuff was just stopped and Benoit hit another of his multiple finishers to win. MVP had a ton of charisma and a great energy to him but I never got the appeal of him after the bell rang. There’s a decent story here of MVP having the submissions countered but Benoit having the experience to beat him another way but it really didn’t work in the end. MVP would win the title the next month so I guess this was part one?

Undertaker is All Grown Up.

Donald Trump is in his dressing room, annoyed that he and Miss USA have no food or beverages. Boogeyman comes in and Trump doesn’t even get off his phone. He asks for some food and just completely no sells everything from Boogeyman. That was hilarious for some reason, even though it makes Boogeyman look even worse than he is but that’s WAY past saving already.

Hall of Fame recap from last night. The speeches about Mr. Perfect were rough to sit through. Actor William Shatner inducted Jerry Lawler, even though Lawler specifically asked for longtime Memphis announcer Lance Russell to do it. WWE said no because Shatner had more star power. True, but how many people watched the ceremony because William Shatner was making a speech?

Attendance record announcement.

Time for the Hall of Fame presentation (why do the attendance in the middle?): Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect (represented by his father, which is always sad), Jerry Lawler (he had to go in with JR), Nick Bockwinkel (classy as always), Mr. Fuji (who looks about 90), the Wild Samoans, the Original Sheik (represented by his wife) and Dusty Rhodes. No one really got a bigger reaction than anyone else but the acoustics are weird in a place this big.

82% of fans think Undertaker is winning tonight. Dang maybe they’re smarter than they think.

We recap Undertaker vs. Batista. Undertaker won the Royal Rumble and then picked Batista. They had a nothing tag match at No Way Out 2007 and Batista laid him out in retaliation for some attacks by Undertaker. This match really didn’t need a story but they tried to wedge one in there anyway. Thankfully they kept it simple and went with “come watch two big guys beat each other up with power moves.”

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Batista

Batista is defending and Smackdown GM Teddy Long is announcing for some reason. Both guys are faces coming in so this could be interesting. Of course we have the druids and torches which never get old. Batista spears him down at the bell and the fans instantly boo. Right hands put Batista into the corner but Undertaker stops to glare at the referee, allowing Batista to come back with a big clothesline.

They slug it out on the floor with Undertaker’s knees going hard into the steps. Back in and Batista’s top rope shoulder block gets two and it’s time for a slugout. A big boot to Batista’s face just makes him clothesline Undertaker harder, this time for two. Undertaker slugs back from his knees and it’s Snake Eyes into another big boot, followed by a legdrop for two (brother).

Old School sets up a countered chokeslam so Undertaker runs him over. They’re just beating each other up here and it’s awesome to watch. The apron legdrop has Batista in even more trouble and there’s the Taker Dive for good measure. Batista comes right back by throwing Undertaker through the timekeeper’s area. Not into, but through. A bunch of big right hands have Undertaker in even more trouble but Batista wants tables.

Instead of setting up his own he takes over the Spanish announcers’ table (good Animal), loads Undertaker up for a powerslam, and runs down the two tables to drive Undertaker through the English table. When all else fails (and this is FAR from failing), slam through through furniture. Back in and the Batista Bomb is broken up so Batista belly to belly suplexes him down for two.

Now, say it with me: Batista pounds away in the corner and gets caught in the Last Ride. Man he deserves that crash landing for being so stupid. Batista comes back with a spinebuster but walks into a chokeslam for two. The Tombstone is countered and another spear sets up the Batista Bomb for a VERY close two and a roar from the crowd. Back up and Batista tries a Tombstone (moron!) but Undertaker slips out and hits the real thing to win the title at 15:48.

Rating: A-. 15-0, two World Titles and a win over all four members of Evolution at Wrestlemania. That’s one heck of a career and he’s done it all at Wrestlemania. This was the first match in the feud of the year as the two of them would fight up through December with Batista finally getting the title back.

One of the important things about this match is they didn’t try to be anything else than what it was. The fans wanted to see two big, strong guys beating the tar out of each other for fifteen minutes and that’s exactly what they got. They were going at it as soon as the bell rang and it never stopped. That’s how you make a match work and a World Title match makes it even better.

More importantly than the title though, this is arguably the match where Undertaker started the second phase of his career where he went from featured attraction to having one of the best resurgences anyone has ever seen. A lot of that is due to this match’s spot on the card. The rumor goes that Undertaker and Batista were ticked off over being put on fourth and in the first major match slot so they decided to go out there and steal the show. The thing is, almost everyone says they wanted to do that but the impressive thing is to actually pull it off. Great stuff here and it’s going to take something special to beat this.

Bobby Lashley is All Grown Up.

Vince is admiring himself in the mirror when Stephanie wheels her daughter in. As you might expect, Vince steals the stroller and of course there’s a camera inside so we can look at Vince doing baby talk about fracturing Donald Trump’s skull.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed

Originals: Rob Van Dam, Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, Sabu

New Breed: Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, Matt Striker, Kevin Thorn

The names of the groups alone should explain the idea here. ECW was back but there was a faction that wanted to be the new ECW stars, setting up the first major story. Dreamer is an ECW icon who was considered the heart and soul of the original promotion, Sandman likes to drink a lot and Sabu is crazy. Burke is a loudmouth who leads the group (later known as the Pope D’Angelo Dinero in TNA), Cor Von is a big athletic freak better known as Monty Brown and Thorn is a vampire with a manager named Ariel. One fall to a finish here instead of the tables match they had a few months later.

Sabu and Striker get things going with the former teacher being draped over the top rope so Sandman can drop a leg across his back. Burke comes in to face Dreamer but Sandman stays in to help with a double elbow. It’s off to Cor Von for the power as he throws Dreamer around with a butterfly suplex, followed by the Elijah Express (running double knees to the back in the corner) for two.

Thorn plants him with a powerbomb and it’s back to Cor Von for a chinlock. Dreamer fights up and tries a reverse DDT but grabs a neckbreaker to Burke at the same time. The hot tag brings in Van Dam to clean house, including a big monkey flip to Striker. Dreamer adds the DDT and the Five Star puts Striker away at 6:24.

Rating: D. I know I listed a bunch of moves there but there wasn’t anything else to talk about. There was nothing that made me think these teams hated each other or were even mad at each other, leaving this as just a basic eight man tag. I’m not the biggest ECW fan, but it’s pretty remarkable that they made it all the way to Wrestlemania, even if it’s years after the company folded.

Steve Austin is All Grown Up. A kid who looks like Austin slams milk together to drink it like Austin does beer. Were he and Kurt Angle switched at birth?

Wrestlemania XXIV is in Orlando, somehow the first time the show took place in Florida.

Video on celebrities saying they want to see Trump get his head shaved. Only Rock wants Vince to get shaved.

We recap the Battle of the Billionaires. To sum up the whole thing, Lashley and Umaga are behind the billionaires and Austin as guest referee in the graphic. The story here isn’t really necessary to set up but basically Trump showed up on Fan Appreciation Night and said Vince wasn’t very well liked. Trump came back the next month and set up the match with both guys picking a representatives. Austin is there as referee for more star power.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

Losing billionaire gets their head shaved. Lashley (representing Trump) is ECW Champion and Umaga (Representing McMahon. Umaga is a Samoan monster and managed by Armando Alejandro Estrada) is Intercontinental Champion but this is non-title. To show you how big this is, the barber’s chair, barber’s pole and shaving equipment are put on a cart and taken down to the ring with its own music. Trump comes out with former Miss USA Tara Conner and real money rains down from the ceiling. All the entrances take over ten minutes.

They slug it out to start as this is power vs. power. Lashley takes over to start and drops Estrada with a right hand, followed by low bridging a charging Umaga to the floor. Back in and Lashley misses a charge of his own, setting up a splash from Umaga for two. Trump is WAY into this on the floor, which is all you would expect from him here.

Austin has to pull Umaga off Lashley in the corner and it’s time for the big sta2013 Redown. Umaga starts in on the chest to take away Lashley’s air. A Samoan drop plants Lashley again and Trump is looking very sweaty. Vince gets on the apron and is quickly knocked off, leaving Lashley to slam Umaga off the top. Neither guy can follow up though and Austin gets to a ten count but then says get up and fight because there’s no countout.

Cue Shane McMahon to check on his dad (it wasn’t that hard of a fall off the apron) as Austin pulls Umaga out of the corner. For some reason he goes by the eye, resulting in a Samoan Spike to the neck. Yeah Umaga’s finisher was a thumb to the neck. It never made sense to me either. Shane comes in to try and beat on Lashley but gets suplexed, only to have Umaga knock Lashley down in the corner.

That means it’s time for the Coast to Coast from Shane, driving a garbage can into Lashley’s face. We’re not done though as Shane pulls off his shirt to reveal referee attire (JR: “It’s insider trading!” Huh?). Umaga connects with a top rope splash but Austin pulls Shane out at two. That earns Austin another Samoan Spike so TRUMP CLOTHESLINES VINCE for the big moment of the night. Umaga pushes his luck by trying a third Samoan Spike on Austin but gets a Stunner instead, setting up the spear from Lashley to get rid of Vince’s hair at 13:04.

Rating: C-. Oh come on. Do you really think the wrestling here matted in the slightest? There was no way Vince was winning here and Trump was always going to come out on top, which is pure Vince as he’ll take however many the team needs at the drop of a hat. The match itself was an acceptable power match and Trump did a good job with that clothesline. Well as good as it was going to be from Donald Trump. It’s an acceptable match and drew more money than anything ever had to that point so everybody wins.

Post match Austin Stuns Shane as Vince runs. Lashley chases him down (“TIME TO GET BALD!”) and feeds him to Austin for a Stunner, followed by the big shaving. Lashley and Trump do the honors while Austin holds Vince in place be he had to be involved somehow. This would lead to a long feud between Vince and Lashley with Vince becoming ECW Champion to kill the belt once and for all.

A song called Bald Headed Blues plays and my goodness Vince looks funny bald. Vince slumps away with shaving cream on his head (Lawler: “You ever notice how big Vince McMahon’s ears are?”) while the good guys all drink. Trump takes a Stunner for the real photo op of the show. The worst part: he took it better than most people and his hair is still perfect.

John Cena is All Grown Up.

Clips of the dark match to give them time to clean the ring.

Women’s Title: Ashley Massaro vs. Melina

Melina (MNM’s manager and a very talented wrestler) is defending and this is a lumberjill match. Ashley is the Playboy cover girl this year so that means she should get a title shot. The champ is wearing a HUGE fur coat and JBL thinks she looks ridiculous. It’s a catfight to start with Ashley hammering away and choking in the corner (totally not an excuse for upskirt shots). A giant swing makes Ashley dizzy but she knocks Melina down again, only to miss a middle rope elbow. Back up and Melina reverses an O’Connor roll into a rollup for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: F. Nothing but a cool down match and that’s not something that is going to be very good most of the time. Ashley was another name on a long list of women there for her looks and barely able to walk around a ring without screwing something up. Bad match but that was rarely in double. Pay no attention to the talent on the floor as a meaningless lumberjack while the model gets the match.

The good lumberjills clean house post match.

Shawn Michaels is All Grown Up.

Cena is favored to retain the title 59% to 41%.

We recap Cena vs. Michaels. Shawn came in second in the 2007 Royal Rumble and then won a triple threat to earn the title match. Cena and Michaels then became partners, but Cena was reminded that Michaels would turn on every partner he had no matter what. They wound up winning the Raw Tag Team Titles and hold them coming into this match with Shawn still promising to turn on Cena soon.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Cena is defending. Shawn comes to the ring to DX music (he and HHH, who is injured again, reunited last year) instead of his classic theme. Shawn: “OH I LOVE MY JOB!” It’s Cena’s turn and we see a Ford Mustang speeding through the (empty) streets of Detroit and coming towards the arena. It comes inside and then drives into the arena through a wall of glass with John Cena driving as you might have guessed. Neither guy bothers bringing their Tag Team Title with them.

Shawn ducks a right hand to start and slaps Cena into the corner. Things stay fast as Shawn dodges a string of punches and knocks the champ down again. Shawn works on the arm for a bit until Cena just takes his head off with a clothesline to get his first offense going. The fans are WAY behind Shawn here as he hiptosses Cena to the floor. An enziguri puts Cena on the announcers’ table and Shawn tries an Asai moonsault, only to have the table not give way, leaving Shawn’s knees to crash against the wood.

Back in and Shawn punches Cena in the knee for a target and wraps it around the post. Cena has to hop around the ring on one leg so Shawn bends the bad one around the ropes and chop blocks the champ down. It works so well that Shawn wraps it around the ropes again but Cena punches his way out of trouble. When all else fails, hit the other guy in the face. Shawn misses a charge and goes head first into the post to draw some blood. Oh yeah now we should get going.

Cena hammers away at the cut like the vicious man he can become, setting up the Shuffle. The FU (the knee is fine already) is escaped and Sweet Chin Music hits the referee by mistake. Another FU attempt is countered into a DDT and both guys are down. It’s Shawn up first and he starts feeling evil, meaning it’s time for a piledriver onto the steps (THUD). The back of Cena’s head is busted open and a second referee runs in to count two.

Shawn’s forearm and nipup set up the top rope elbow but the superkick is broken up by another huge clothesline. A slugout goes to Cena so he loads up the FU but has to kick out of a sunset flip counter. Shawn’s leapfrog is countered into the FU and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two (I’m fine with the extra kicking out of finishers if it’s not immediate and therefore doesn’t weaken the move) so the frustrated Cena loads up a middle rope FU.

Shawn would rather not be ended so he elbows out and tries a high cross body, only to have Cena catch him in the FU. Michaels flips out again and tries Sweet Chin Music but gets countered into an STF attempt. That doesn’t go on either as Shawn grabs a small package for two with Cena having to power out.

An enziguri misses and the STFU goes on but Shawn eventually makes the ropes. Back up and Sweet Chin Music connects out of nowhere but he can’t cover. Both guys are up at nine as they have to lean on each other to stand. More Sweet Chin Music misses and Cena grabs the leg to pull Shawn into the STFU for the submission at 28:22.

Rating: A. I don’t know if Shawn or Cena is more deserving of the praise but you can see how much Cena has grown in the last year. There was no way Cena could have had this match just a year ago and they were really testing each other out there. Cena still doesn’t have the selling thing down (the leg) but he knew how to make the drama work at a level he couldn’t even think of the previous year. Shawn deserves a lot of credit too as he can make a match work with anyone. Great stuff here and worthy of the main event, though they might have topped it with their 55 minute classic in London three weeks later.

Cena cries after the match and the highlights end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. The two World Title matches more than delivered and the money match brought in a fortune so it’s hard to call this anything less than good. There’s a great atmosphere as well and the show felt like one of the biggest of all time. It’s a major improvement over last year and a forgotten semi-classic. The focus being on the billionaires make people forget about the rest of the card but there’s a lot of other good stuff on here. It’s not a perfect show by any means but this was much more fun than I remembered. Check it out if you have the time.

Ratings Comparison

CM Punk vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Finlay vs. Randy Orton vs. King Booker vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Booker T vs. Edge

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Great Khali vs. Kane

Original: D

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D

Chris Benoit vs. MVP

Original: B

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Batista

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A-

ECW Originals vs. New Breed

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

Melina vs. Ashley

Original: F

2013 Redo: M (for Mickie James)

2015 Redo: F

John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B+

This one is famous for one match and I’m leaving it at that.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/30/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-23-over-80000-people/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/01/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxiii-shawn-is-better-than-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Really there isn’t much else to talk about here. The other major match on the show is Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon in a match over Vince not being willing to grow up and let go of some things in his past. The card just doesn’t feel big this year which was the case with most of the stuff this year. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Raw: Eugene, Viscera, Goldust, Rob Conway, Lance Cade, Matt Striker, Trevor Murdoch, Tyson Tomko, Snitsky

Smackdown: Funaki, Super Crazy, Simon Dean, Steven Richards, Johnny Nitro, William Regal, Road Warrior, Joey Mercury, Psicosis

They’re keeping it a lot smaller this year with just eighteen names. Cade and Murdoch are a southern team, Striker is a former teacher who would become an annoying announcer, Road Warrior is our old friend Animal, Mercury and Nitro are partners in MNM (Smackdown Tag Team Champions) and Super Crazy and Psicosis are part of a group called the Mexicools. Also Viscera is now a self professed love machine.

Simon tries to make a sales pitch to start and gets superkicked for an elimination. Conway poses while beating on Richards and gets dumped for his efforts. Funaki gets catapulted out and Cade quickly follows him. Richards is stupid enough to pose on the apron and gets knocked out with Striker getting eliminated a few seconds later. Murdoch eliminates Crazy as the ring is quickly clearing out. Psicosis puts out Goldust in a pretty big upset.

Snitsky throws Regal out and MNM plants Eugene with the Snapshot (elevated DDT) for an easy elimination. The final eight (Snitsky, Viscera, Murdoch and Tomko for Raw, Mercury, Nitro, Psicosis and Road Warrior for Smackdown) have the big staredown with Psicosis quickly eliminating Murdoch, only to be put out by Tomko. Viscera tortures MNM as Snitsky and Tomko forget their allegiance by starting a brawl that no one cares about.

MNM avoids a corner splash from Viscera and actually tries the Snapshot, resulting in a severely sore back. Viscera stacks them both up for a splash and the Visagra, which can only be described as rhythmic thrusting on the mat. MNM are thankfully eliminated and Snitsky kicks Tomko out by mistake. Road Warrior stares Viscera down and the fans chant for the LOD. A big splash crushes Road Warrior and the elimination is academic, leaving Viscera to avoid a running boot to eliminate Snitsky for the win at 9:04.

Rating: D-. This was a horrible battle royal with the speed of the eliminations and the winner really holding things back. I mean……VISCERA? The long space near the end with no eliminations felt long too and really made the match drag, despite it not even breaking ten minutes. While last year’s felt fun, this one really felt tacked on and that’s not a good thing.

Viscera kisses Lillian post match.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child sings America the Beautiful.

The opening video is set to I Dare You by Shinedown and gives us the required history of Wrestlemania package (very good this year) before shifting to the major matches this year. I like the song but this really isn’t making me want to see the show.

The set is much simpler this year as it looks like the side of a skyscraper and is shaped liked the Chicago skyline, which fits the theme of “Big Time”. The highlight though is a bunch of portraits of various wrestlers around the arena for a unique and cool look.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. Chris Masters/Carlito

Masters and Carlito are challenging as Big Show and Kane decided they were friends again and easily won the belts. Masters and Kane get things going with Kane using a very rare dropkick. It’s off to Show for the loud chops in the corner but a rake to the eyes allows the tag off to Carlito, who looks terrified. The challengers are quickly deposited on top of each other outside, followed by a big clothesline from Kane. He’s feeling aerial tonight. The referee yells at Kane and in the meantime, Carlito and Masters get the turnbuckle pad off. That almost feels like a Wrestlemania tradition at this point.

Show goes face first into the steel and a double flapjack gets two. A double suplex goes as well as you would expect and it’s off to Kane to almost no reaction. Everything breaks down and Kane dives into the Master Lock (Chris’ full nelson), only to have Show break it up with a kick to the face. A Backstabber puts Show down and Kane sidesteps a Masters ax handle, sending him into Carlito instead. The chokeslam ends Carlito and retains the titles at 6:43.

Rating: D+. That’s their opener? They really didn’t have anything better than this? Kane and Show were pretty boring champions as almost no one could give them a real challenge, which is why they lost to a team of five male cheerleaders the following night on Raw. Masters and Carlito never got as far as they were supposed to in WWE, which is really a trend of the era.

Masters and Carlito argue post match.

Shawn Michaels is ready for his no holds barred match against Vince McMahon tonight. A few months ago, Shawn told Vince to grow up and forget about Montreal, prompting Vince to go to war against Shawn. That doesn’t mean he’s going to take back what he said because he still believes every word of it. Tonight isn’t going to be a five star classic because it’s going to get ugly. Shawn isn’t going to be his 1995 self or his 2006 self. Instead he’s going somewhere he’s never been before and Vince better be ready.

Matt Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Ric Flair

Money in the Bank. Matt is serious again, Shelton is Intercontinental Champion again, Finlay is a tough Irish brawler and Lashley is an athletic freak and a powerhouse (originally described as Brock Lesnar times ten). To make it even better, all four commentators are on the match to make sure we never get a second of silence. Everyone goes after Lashley to start as the fans are all behind RVD.

Van Dam is there for them as he baseball slides a ladder into Matt’s face, followed by a plancha to land on the ladder on Hardy. Shelton won’t stand for being shown up though so he bridges the ladder against the ropes and flip dives out onto a pile of guys in a HUGE crash. Flair and Finlay are left in the ring for something that could be very interesting. Ric quickly dispatches him and goes up but Matt makes the save and SUPERPLEXES A FIFTY SEVEN YEAR OLD MAN OFF A LADDER!!!

Flair is taken to the back so we’re down to five for now which could make the match even better. Van Dam’s Rolling Thunder only hits ladder so Shelton and Lashley handle the climbing for now. Shelton tries a sunset bomb off the ladder but it takes Matt and Finlay to help make it happen. Cole again tries to get the whole Smackdown vs. Raw nonsense in and it still doesn’t work.

With most of the people down, Matt decides to charge at Finlay and a ladder in the corner, resulting in one of them being launched at Matt’s face. I’ll let you figure out which was which. Finlay loads up a ladder but here’s Flair because Heaven forbid we don’t have him around for five minutes. Ric cleans house with chops and goes up, only to have Finlay hit him in the back with the shillelagh (Irish club), sending Flair crashing down to the mat on his back.

The briefcase is swinging though, allowing Shelton to make the save. Lashley uses more power though as he uses another ladder to knock over the standing one to drop everyone again. Rob is right there though, coming off the top with a chair, dropkicking it into Lashley’s back for another save. Now it’s Matt’s turn to do something stupid as he drops a legdrop off the ladder to crush Lashley. That’s not enough either though as Matt Side Effects Finlay off the ladder, followed by Rob dropping the Five Star (well more like a regular one so he didn’t kill himself) from the top of the ladder onto Finlay.

That was a REALLY bad stretch for logic. All of the big spots looked really cool but what sends did most of them make? One of the dangers of Money in the Bank or any ladder match for that matter is doing crazy spots for the sake of doing crazy spots. You could say that they’re doing them to keep other people down, but the logical move, and what they did last year, is just throw people outside and then climb. It made for a higher quality match last year and it would do so again here if they tried the same thing.

Rob goes up now and in the spot of the match, Shelton springboards from the top rope ONTO THE STANDING LADDER and hammers away at Van Dam. Matt climbs another ladder so Shelton steps over to fight him but it’s Rob shoving them both down and pulling down the briefcase at 12:22.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but a major step below last year with too much insanity going around but still more than enough insanity to make the whole thing work. Van Dam is a really good choice for the winner as he’s been one of the most popular guys in the company for a long time so it was time to give him a shot, especially with Batista on the shelf. Good match here but it’s now a spot fest instead of a logical, well thought out match. Both are entertaining, though for far different reasons.

Gene Okerlund is happy to have been inducted into the Hall of Fame (not so happy with his bar tab, because Okerlund likes to drink you see) but Randy Orton comes in to say that he’ll be in the Hall of Fame for actions, not holding a microphone for 35 years. After Gene leaves while rambling about Orton’s old man, Batista comes up and says the title is being kept warm for him. He’ll be back soon.

It’s Hall of Fame time with the Class of 2006 consisting of Gene Okerlund, Sensational Sherri, Tony Atlas, Verne Gagne, William Perry (Celebrity inductee in some rather ugly street clothes. He couldn’t bring a suit?), the Blackjacks, Eddie Guerrero (accepted by Vickie to the loudest ovation of the group) and Bret Hart, who is still a few years away from appearing on WWE TV. Eddie would have been in one day and the reaction he gets here brings a smile to my face, even though I wasn’t a huge fan.

US Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending and there isn’t much of a story here other than JBL wants the title and they tried to break each other’s hands (with only Benoit succeeding). In a really cool entrance, the ramp raises up and JBL’s limo comes out from underneath it to deliver him to the ring. JBL even Texas Two Steps to the ring with image consultant Jillian Hall (a good looking blonde) accompanying him. This is quite the drop down the card for both guys, though it’s not quite King Kong Bundy levels of bad.

JBL runs him over to start but has to block the Crossface. Benoit fires off some chops in the corner but the Sharpshooter doesn’t work either. Back up and Benoit chops him in the chest so JBL kicks him in the face. Chris still doesn’t let up and rolls some Germans, only to get crotched going for the Swan Dive. To make sure you know who the villain is here, JBL mocks Eddie’s signature dance (Benoit inducted Eddie into the Hall of Fame) before superplexing Benoit down for a delayed two.

Now it’s time for Three Amigos from JBL which is such an awesome piece of heel work. Jillian yells for some reason and we hit a chinlock on the champion. Benoit fights up and shows us the real way to do the Three Amigos (for those of you going to wrestling school by correspondence, though Benoit doesn’t have Eddie’s roll down just yet), followed by a big Swan Dive for two. Therefore it’s time for the Crossface but JBL rolls over and grabs the rope for the pin and the title at 9:44.

Rating: D+. Really good heel stuff from JBL aside, this felt like it was missing the middle. Instead of building to something, it felt like they ran out of time and just went straight to the finish. I do really like JBL’s heel actions but that doesn’t lead to being good between the bells. Benoit was his normal self here, which may be a step down from last year but it’s still good stuff.

We recap Edge vs. Mick Foley. Edge had cashed in the first Money in the Bank briefcase to steal Cena’s Raw World Title but he dropped it back to Cena three weeks later with Foley as guest referee. Therefore Edge wanted revenge at Wrestlemania, teasing Foley with the Wrestlemania moment performance. Foley accepted if they could make it hardcore, which Edge accepted by giving him a Conchairto (crushing Foley’s head between two chairs). This only woke up the hardcore legend inside Foley and the war was on.

Joey Styles, the voice of ECW, takes over for JR.

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Hardcore. Lawler’s reaction to Lita’s (now with Edge) look: “Whoa.” The cargo pants, Edge vest and bra look does have merit. Edge has a baseball bat and Foley’s flannel shirt is buttoned up for some reason. The bat misses to start and Foley bulldogs him down, followed by putting him in the Tree of Woe for a running ax handle to the face. Lita throws in some weapons to crack Foley upside the head.

The spear connects but Edge rolls away in pain, because Foley had barbed wire wrapped around his waist. The gray flannel comes off and NOW we get the classic red. Edge gets tied up in the ropes and it’s time for Barbie, the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Edge is already bleeding from the arm but he’s able to hiptoss Foley into the steps for another sick crash. A baseball slide knocks Foley’s broken body back to the floor and of course it’s table time.

Foley rolls off the table before Edge can drop a top rope splash. That’s fine with Edge who slams Foley head first onto the steel ramp for two. That sound made me cringe….and so does Edge covering Foley in lighter fluid. It wakes Foley up though and he grabs a piledriver for two. Lita breaks up a Conchairto (well a Conchair-cookie sheeto) and Edge gets even more violent with a Barbie shot to the face, followed by just raking the wire over Mick’s forehead (ala Cactus Jack vs. HHH in 2000).

Edge is getting frustrated so he turns over more steps to reveal a bag of thumbtacks. Foley escapes and throws Edge into the tacks instead, sending Edge into shock. A barbed wire Socko appears (ok that’s awesome) and Edge is bleeding from the mouth. Shots to the ribs and head make it even worse and my goodness Edge is gushing.

In perhaps the scariest part of the match, Foley gets the lighter fluid. There is no way this can end well. The table is covered in it but Lita hits Foley in the knee with Barbie…..and lights the table on fire. Edge spears Foley through the ropes and through the fire, sending both men into shock. With Foley rolling around, Edge gets an arm over his chest for the pin at 14:37.

Rating: A. This is the kind of violence that they needed to have and the last shots with both guys in shock and rolling around in agony from the fire more than sold the whole thing. Foley is the perfect choice to bring in for something like this as this is the match that really made Edge. Yeah he was a big deal already, but this showed his mean streak for a change, which is one of the big steps up to the main event. This is the only match people remember from this show and it holds up very, very well.

Booker T. is trying to calm down his wife Sharmell over their handicap match against the Boogeyman (exactly what he sounds like). Sharmell thinks Booker attracts freaks but Booker says no and they walk down the hall. I think you know what’s coming. First up they run into Paul Burchill, who is embracing his family’s history as a pirate. After he calls them mateys, they find Ted DiBiase offering to pay Eugene money if he can bounce a basketball 100 times, only to kick the ball away at 99 (an old trick of his, once tried on Rob Van Dam himself when he was a kid).

Snitsky is kissing Mae Young’s feet (again, a thing of his), followed by Goldust dressed as Oprah Winfrey. Goldust gives him a pep talk, telling him to embrace his inner freak to defeat the Boogeyman. The real advice is to take the worms from Boogeyman’s mouth (Yeah he eats worms. Like, real live worms). Goldust whispers something in Booker’s ears and freaks him out even worse, sending Booker off for his match. These cameos would become a tradition.

Some fans won a contest to come to Wrestlemania, plus free Snickers.

Booker T./Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

Booker and Sharmell are terrified and we might be in for a comedy match here. This match has been a long time in the making as Booker keeps faking injuries so he can avoid fighting Boogeyman but it finally happens here. Sharmell has to start, only to have Booker get in a cheap shot and tag in a few seconds later.

There’s a bunch of fog in the ring from Boogeyman’s entrance as Booker superkicks him down. The Book End gets two and Boogeyman reaches into his pocket to pull out a bunch of worms. As you do. He eats the worms and kisses them into Sharmell’s mouth, sending her running in terror. A chokebomb puts Booker away at 3:54.

Rating: F. Booker is a former World Champion and would win his first World Title in WWE about four months after this. For some reason, he’s losing in a gross comedy match to a guy named the Boogeyman. Like I said: this was a very strange time for the company and this is a very good example of why. Also, was there any reason that this wasn’t one on one?

We recap Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus (good again and in the same reign with the Women’s Title from last year). Mickie debuted a few months ago as an obsessed fan who had a big crush on Trish. That was too much for Trish who told her to calm down, earning her a kick to the head and shouts of “DO YOU LOVE ME NOW” from Mickie. It got even worse as Mickie kidnapped Trish’s friend Ashley and laid out Trish during the save attempt, ending with a kiss to the unconscious Trish.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending. Lawler thinks Mickie is crazy but JR says Lawler would date her anyway, even if she’s a bit old for Jerry (JR: “She’s in her early 20s.” Lawler: “Can she cook?”). Mickie slaps her in the back of the head to start so Trish elbows her right in the jaw. The Thesz press (JR: “Maybe the Louise Thesz press.”) has Mickie in more trouble and Trish throws her down, only to have Mickie land in the splits. Trish kicks the post by mistake and Mickie wraps it around the post, followed by dropkicking it out for two.

The fans are behind Mickie as I guess they don’t go for the talented blonde bombshell look. There’s a half crab to stay on the leg before Mickie wraps it up in the ropes and stomps down on it. Now it’s a LET’S GO MICKIE chant and the fans boo as Trish comes back with a headscissors. Even JR isn’t sure why Trish is being booed so badly, though it could be the whole gorgeous brunette in a very short skirt which keeps flying up and down thing. Mickie’s hurricanrana out of the corner is countered with a sweet sitout powerbomb.

The Stratusfaction (springboard bulldog) is broken up with a grab between the legs, followed by Mickie licking her hand (edited out of most DVD versions). Trish blasts her in the face with a forearm and tries the Stratusfaction but the knee gives out (this is also edited though it might have been a bad attempt at selling the knee injury instead of a botch), allowing Mickie to kick her in the head for the pin and the title at 8:49. JR gets in a great line with “the nutjob has won the title.”

Rating: B-. Good stuff here with an actual story and two women who can actually work a match instead of models who have no idea what they’re doing. These two had a good, long feud with Mickie eventually becoming the new face of the division due to Trish and Lita retiring later in the year. This is still one of the best Divas matches ever and pretty easily the best of this era.

Vince is with the other three McMahons and decides to lead them in a prayer. Vince: “God, I don’t like you and you don’t like me.” He brags about his physique and wealth before promising to destroy God’s favorite wrestler tonight.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Casket match. Henry destroyed Undertaker AS NO ONE HAD DONE BEFORE to set this up. This was rumored to be Angle vs. Undertaker but why do something awesome when you can do something boring? At least we get the full druid entrance for the casket, plus the classic story of “I’m not scared of the dark” from Henry. I say classic because EVERY HEEL EVER SAYS THAT TO UNDERTAKER. Undertaker’s entrance goes so long that Cole is able to go through every match in the Streak.

Henry jumps Undertaker during the nearly three minute entrance and pounds him down using big clubbing blows. Yes I said BIG CLUBBING BLOWS. Undertaker tries running him over but a clothesline puts him right back down. They head outside with both guys going into the steps. Slow progress so far. Back in and Henry breaks up Old School and chokes Undertaker near the open casket.

Anything goes though so Undertaker hits him low for the break. Old School works the second time around and Henry misses a charge, sending him down into the casket. Undertaker joins him and they choke each other a lot until Henry gets punched back into the ring. Isn’t that bad strategy for Undertaker? There’s the World’s Strongest Slam and Henry covers out of instinct.

Another trip to the casket goes nowhere so Henry pounds away with even more right hands. Since those don’t work well enough, Mark goes to the middle rope and gets powerbombed down. Not quite the Last Ride but it’s as close as Undertaker was going to get with Henry. Mark is sent to the floor and takes the Taker Dive, followed by a Tombstone to put him in the casket for the win at 9:27.

Rating: D-. This was as going through the motions as you were going to get with neither guy looking like they were trying with any sort of effort. That being said though, if you were scheduled to get Kurt Angle and got Mark Henry instead, how fired up would you be? Bad match here as it was nearly nine minutes of punching and forearms until the ending.

We recap Vince vs. Shawn which I covered earlier. After the grow up line set him off, Vince sent Shane and the Spirit Squad (five male cheerleaders in an odd gimmick choice) after Shawn and even forced him to join his special club. As in the one that involved Vince lower his pants and a kiss from the other person. Figure out the details for yourself.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

No holds barred. JR apologizes in advance for being so biased in this match. Oh thanks for the warning Jimmy. Vince shows off a framed cover of his Muscle and Fitness Magazine cover, which really is amazing considering he’s 60 here. Shawn doesn’t want to wait and sends Vince over the table, choking him with an electric cord. The fans want Bret (maybe he could pick this show up a bit) but have to settle for the framed picture (minus the glass) going around Vince’s head.

Cue the Spirit Squad to take Shawn out, including their five man lifting slam. Nicky (later known as Dolph Ziggler and the only one who went anywhere) sends Kenny to the top for a guillotine legdrop but Shawn moves away. Their megaphone goes upside the Squad’s heads and Kenny is sent flying over the top onto the rest of the team.

Vince finally gets back into it with shoulders and choking, first with hands and then with the belt. See? He’s versatile! Vince is all fired up and runs around in a circle before tuning up the band. JR: “He can’t carry a tune.” The kick is caught though and it’s the forearm into the nipup. That means it’s time for Vince to get whipped with his own belt (oh the irony) as JR is even more annoying than usual, ranting about how Vince is a businessman with no heart.

Shane comes in with a kendo stick to break up the real Sweet Chin Music and pulls out some handcuffs. Vince would rather lower his pants though, only to have Shawn hit Shane in the ribs and send him face first into his dad. This is one of those moments that makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan but you have to expect it from Vince. Now Shane gets cuffed to the middle rope and Shawn takes the key away for safekeeping and even mocks Shane’s trademark dance. He was always good at that thing.

Back in and Shawn hits a GREAT chair shot to the head (Lawler: “CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!”) to bust the boss open. Sweet Chin Music is canceled because Shawn would rather pull out a ladder. The top of said ladder goes into Vince’s face and this year it’s JR making the Home Depot joke. That’s still not enough for the superkick though as Shawn would rather bring in three trashcans. Oh and a table of course. You can see another can, ladder and table in case we have another wild brawl later.

Some can shots are followed by Shawn putting Vince on the table and climbing the ladder. That’s not enough though so Shawn climbs down and pulls out the big ladder for the elbow (after some crotch chops) through a trashcan through Vince. Sweet Chin Music FINALLY puts Vince away at 18:27.

Rating: D. This went on WAY too long as the last six or seven minutes were just Shawn beating Vince up with no offense from McMahon whatsoever. It’s entertaining in a perverse violent way but at the same time, how long can you see Shawn hit Vince with various metal objects before it gets dull? Even JR was saying end it already. Cut out five minutes of this and it’s way better as this was six minutes longer than Money in the Bank. That’s too much no matter how you look at it. On top of that, this led to a DX reunion and a one sided feud that went on for another five months, even after this total destruction.

Vince flips Shawn off from the stretcher in a perfect touch.

Wrestlemania XXIII is in Detroit.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Rey Mysterio had dedicated his Royal Rumble performance to the late Eddie Guerrero, last eliminating Randy Orton to win. Orton wasn’t happy with this and played on Rey’s emotions by bringing up Eddie’s name and saying he would burn forever. This made Rey put his title shot on the line at No Way Out 2006 where Orton defeated him. Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long put Mysterio into the title match anyway to make it a triple threat against champion Kurt Angle (who won the vacant title in a battle royal due to Batista’s injury). This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Angle is defending and P.O.D. plays Mysterio to the ring. No superhero again this year as Rey has an Aztec eagle theme instead. Orton takes the belt from the referee to blast Kurt in the face and runs Rey over for two. Kurt, in black boots for some reason, comes back in with a German suplex to both guys at once. Rey is down so Randy has to take Kurt’s full wrath. This was a great period for Angle as he was on fire and really feeling the Wrestling Machine persona.

The ankle lock attempt is abandoned as Angle has to deal with Mysterio, who headscissors him to the middle rope. This time the ankle lock goes on though as Kurt counters the 619 but Orton gets on the apron with a chair so the referee doesn’t see Rey tap (what a hero: giving up five minutes in when he’s trying to honor his friend’s memory). Now it’s time to unleash the Germans with Angle not even leaving his feet as he throws Mysterio.

An Angle Slam puts Rey on the floor and now Randy gets caught in the hold to make him tap behind the referee’s back. Rey comes back in with a springboard legdrop for two on the champ but he sends Mysterio shoulder first into the post. An RKO out of nowhere (he even did it back then) gets two on Kurt with the ankle delaying the cover. Ever the rocket scientist, Orton goes up top on a bad ankle against Kurt Angle, who gladly runs up the corner for the belly to belly superplex.

Rey’s springboard seated senton gets two on Angle and Randy throws the champ to the floor. His powerbomb into a neckbreaker (a cool move I wish he would use more often) gets two on Rey but a quick Angle Slam gets the same on Orton. Rey armdrags the champ to the floor and it’s the 619 and West Coast Pop to pin Orton for the title at 9:25.

Rating: C+. Where’s the rest of the match? The World Title change at Wrestlemania can’t even get ten minutes but Boogeyman vs. Booker T./Sharmell and the next match can get four minutes each? Mysterio winning is a cool moment but this should have been just beating Orton while Angle fights Undertaker in a classic. At least we had a cool moment though and a good way to cap off Eddie’s legacy while giving Rey a surprise title win.

Vickie and Chavo Guerrero come out to celebrate.

HHH and John Cena are getting ready in the back and JR talks about Cena being defiant like his fans. Fans: “CENA SUCKS!”

Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson

They’ve both been in Playboy before so here’s a pillow fight on a bed. JR: “This next match will not resemble Gotch and Hackenschmidt.” Of note: Torrie comes out to what would become Laycool’s music and carrying a puppy. Lilian also can’t pronounce Torrie’s hometown of Boise, Idaho. They brawl to start and Torrie turns the bed over. There goes Candice’s dress but she still chokes Torrie with her legs while bending over the top rope. Candice drops a knee and cuts Torrie’s dress off with some scissors. She rubs a copy of Playboy in Torrie’s face but charges into a rollup to give Torrie the pin at 3:55.

Rating: F. Again, this got about four minutes or nearly half the time of a World Title match. That’s really their best use of Wrestlemania time? As has been the case in the past, I get the appeal and thinking here but this really didn’t need to be the next to last match at the biggest show of the year.

Clips of the Wrestlemania press conference from earlier in the week. HHH called this the easiest match of his life because sooner or later, they all bow down to the king. He won a quick tournament to get the shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

HHH is challenging and comes out first with a full on Conan the Barbarian look, complete with throne rising through the stage, fur pelt, and of course a bottle of water. Just like Kane in 1998 though, his entrance is trumped almost instantly. We see an old newsreel style video of Chicago in the Great Depression. Gangsters were the only people living the American Dream and a group in Chicago lived harder than anybody. To survive, those people needed three things: Hustle, Loyalty and Respect.

The stage rises up again and a 1930s car with gangsters hanging off the side (one of which is CM Punk) holding Tommy guns. Cena’s music hits and the booing gets even louder. He comes out in a black trench coat and fedora before firing off a Tommy gun of his own. This isn’t the best received entrance but it certainly makes an impression. With all that out of the way, we get the big match intros and it’s time to go. Well after we hear all of HHH’s nicknames of course.

Feeling out process to start with HHH grabbing a hammerlock and throwing Cena to the ground. A kick to the back sends him into the corner as this is all HHH in the very early going. The fans are all over Cena with some very bad words so he tries a quick FU, only to eat a right hand to the jaw to put him down again. To mix things up a bit, HHH throws him out to the floor as they’re taking their time here.

A backdrop of all things gets two for the champ as Lawler says Cena might not be the best wrestler but he can fight. JR jumps to the champ’s defense as he throws HHH into the corner and puts on a chinlock to take a breather. Fans: “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!” A big whip sends HHH over the corner and out to the floor in a big crash, followed by a slam to put HHH on the ramp.

Back in and they start slugging it out, followed by HHH taking it to the floor again for a whip through the steps. Things slow down with the HHH knee to the mat, followed by one heck of a clothesline for two. Back to back neckbreakers get the same and HHH is as over as free beer in a frat house. JR tries to get over Monarch of the Mat as a new nickname for HHH as he cranks on Cena’s head. A sleeper takes Cena down and turns into a chinlock.

Back up and Cena takes his head off with a clothesline and follows with two more. A powerslam gets two and the ProtoBomb looks to set up the Shuffle, only to have HHH pop up with a spinebuster. It’s back to the sleeper but Cena quickly suplexes out and now the Shuffle connects. The STFU (the U would eventually be dropped) goes on but HHH is too close to the ropes. With that not working, Cena tries the FU but gets rammed into the referee. HHH uses the opportunity to get in a low blow, which hits Cena and the referee at the same time.

That means it’s time for a sledgehammer to the face for two, because a 6’4 270lb man HITTING YOU IN THE FACE WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER is only going to knock you out for two seconds at a time. HHH loads up the Pedigree (“I hit him in the face with a hammer as hard as I could. Maybe my wrestling move can beat him!”) but Cena reverses into the FU (looking like he’s been out there five minutes and hasn’t been touched) for a near fall. A high cross body misses and it’s back to the Pedigree but Cena reverses into the STFU to eventually retain at 22:04.

Rating: C. Cena was coming but he really wasn’t there yet. This is similar to Rock vs. Austin back in 1999 where the first match wasn’t great (though certainly not bad) but the rematch the next month was WAY better (partially due to Edge being added to spice things up a bit). The match didn’t work for the most part though and that sledgehammer shot was WAY more than I could handle. I repeat: he hit Cena in the face WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER FOR TWO.

That being said, this is the match that made Cena the biggest star in the company. He had always been a big deal and the top star of Raw, but this is the match that made him special. Until then he had been living in Batista’s shadow, but now it’s all about Cena and his in ring abilities would mature to back it up. The match is good, though much more important than anything else.

Highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show just does not hold up. It felt like something used to set up stuff for the future which is fine, but aside from Edge vs. Foley and a good Money in the Bank, what is there on here of value? We have a pretty lame Tag Team Title match where the titles changed hands the next night, a forgettable US Title change, Boogeyman vs. Booker T. (for all intents and purposes), a good Women’s Title match, a REALLY bad casket match, a way too long squash, a World Title change that was far too short though memorable and a pillow fight. Does that sound like Wrestlemania to you?

Now that being said, this isn’t the worst show ever as they kept most of the bad stuff short. The long bad match with Vince vs. Shawn certainly had some good moments with some of Vince’s head trauma and the sheer amusement of seeing the boss get beaten up. Basically, as usual, this show needed another edit and to have about an hour cut out. If you lose some of the short matches entirely (Booker T. vs. Boogeyman to start. Do that nonsense on Raw.), trim off some of Vince’s destruction and add it to the triple threat and cut the show down by at least half an hour, it’s WAY better in a hurry.

This show fell into one of the most common traps for Wrestlemania: trying to squeeze in too much stuff, including a lot of stuff that really didn’t need to be here. There were eleven matches on the card which really is too much. It made for a lot of short and forgettable matches, plus a handful that are actually good. That doesn’t really make up for a good Wrestlemania, though there are worse. We’ll go with this one on the very bottom of the good list list but with the weaker stuff on here being much more forgettable and dull than bad.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D+

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Original: A

2013 Redo: A

2015 Redo: A

Boogeyman vs. Booker T/Sharmell

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D-

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: C+

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: F

HHH vs. John Cena

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: C

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

In the first one I said it wasn’t something I’d want to see again. Apparently that was accurate as the rating PLUNGED on a second viewing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-22-i-barely-remember-this-show/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/31/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxii-hhh-does-it-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

If last year’s show was about change, this one is ten times stronger. This year is about introducing the newest generation of mega stars into the top of the card and it couldn’t happen sooner. JBL and HHH had been very boring champions with HHH cutting the wings off nearly everyone (including Orton, who turned face after taking the title from Benoit, only to drop it back to HHH a month later). With no one left, it’s time for someone new. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Raw: William Regal, Tajiri, Rhyno, Hurricane, Rosey, Simon Dean, Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Maven, Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Viscera

Smackdown: Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Luther Reigns, Scotty 2 Hotty, Funaki, Spike Dudley, Billy Kidman, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Orlando Jordan, Paul London, Heidenreich, Mark Jindrak, Booker T., Nunzio, Akio

This would become a tradition and a way to get a lot more people on the show and therefore a Wrestlemania payday. This is also interpromotional so everyone is in a red Raw shirt or a blue Smackdown shirt. Regal and Tajiri are Raw Tag Team Champions, Dean is a fitness guru, Snitsky is a freaky guy, Masters is strong, Tomko is Christian’s enforcer, Reigns is another big power guy, Jordan is a JBL lackey and US Champion, London is Cruiserweight Champion and Heidenreich is just weird. I’m not sure why Smackdown has one more name than Raw but it doesn’t really matter. General managers Eric Bischoff and Teddy Long are at ringside.

The rosters stare each other down to start and Hurricane gives Heidenreich a mask. Ever the nice guy, Heidenreich hits him in the face to start the fighting. Spike hides on the apron and we’re firmly in the part of the battle royal where you can’t tell anything that’s going on. Reigns pulls Hurricane off the top and dumps him out but a bunch of guys get rid of Reigns just as quickly.

A bunch of people go after Viscera and knock him down because they’re not that bright. Four guys hold him down and Scotty adds the Worm, only to have Masters throw out Scotty, Funaki, Spike and Kidman in a row. Well at least the ring is a little bit clearer. Haas is eliminated and a quick Regal chant goes nowhere. Nunzio is thrown under the bottom rope as the match slows a bit. Maven was eliminated somewhere in there.

Heidenreich, still in the Hurricane mask, rips the turnbuckle pad off for no apparent reason. I told you he was strange. Venis is clotheslined out by Heidenreich and Simon is out a few seconds later. Grenier follows and so does Rosey. Rhyno Gores Snitsky but Holly puts Rhyno out shortly thereafter. There goes Conway followed by both Bashams as the match is now a lot easier to keep track of. Raw and Smackdown square off again and it’s Holly planting Regal with the Alabama Slam.

Jordan eliminates Tomko and Viscera sends Akio over the top and face first onto the steps. Masters eliminates Holly who is followed by Regal. Tajiri sprays the mist into Heidenreich’s face and he eliminates London by mistake. By mistake because they’re both on Smackdown and the idea here is brand vs. brand, even though it’s every man for themselves. Tajiri and Heidenreich go to the apron and both guys are out a few seconds later. We’re down to Masters, Viscera, Snitsky, Jindrak and Booker.

Jindrak catapults Snitsky out and absolutely levels Viscera with a left hand. Masters dumps Jindrak from behind and we’re down to three but Nunzio comes back in because he was never eliminated. He actually makes it a full ten seconds before being eliminated for real and it’s Viscera, Masters and Booker to go. Booker fights out of the double team but the side kick lands on the ropes. Viscera misses a charge and gets low bridged out, leaving Booker to superkick Masters out for the win at 11:36.

Rating: D+. Not the worst battle royal here as they had a bunch of people in there but it was clearly just a way to get them on the DVD for the royalty payment. Still though, Booker winning was a good idea and it’s hard to complain about a bonus match that doesn’t hurt anything and wasn’t part of the main show.

Lillian Garcia sings America the Beautiful.

We get one of my favorite parts of this show: the trailers. The theme of this show was Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood, meaning there were several parody movie scenes with wrestlers in place of the actors. We have Eugene as Forrest Gump, Booker T. as Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction, HHH as Braveheart, John Cena and JBL as Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson from A Few Good Men, Undertaker as Dirty Harry, Christy Hemme as Meg Ryan from When Harry Met Sally, Christian, Chris Benoit and Stacy Keibler in the interrogation scene from Basic Instinct and most of the roster as Robert De Niro from Taxi Driver.

Now we get the debut of the final trailer from Gladiator. The emperor comes down to congratulate the gladiator whose face we can’t see. The voice sounds very familiar though and he takes off the helmet to reveal Steve Austin, who describes himself as a beer drinker among beer drinkers and the master of the middle finger. He promises to create havoc at Wrestlemania tonight because that’s what he does. Good stuff here, as were all of these.

The aisle has a red carpet and there’s a movie marquee that advertises Wrestlemania XXI. It’s one of their better sets ever actually.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

This is face vs. face as they’re the reigning Smackdown Tag Team Champions. Eddie however is a bit frustrated because he thinks Rey has been showing him up a bit lately. No superhero gear this time as Rey is in a combination Mexican/USA flag costume instead. The bell rings and Rey is already adjusting his mask. Rey flips out of a fireman’s carry and shoulders Eddie down until Guerrero armdrags him down.

A headscissors puts Eddie on the floor and it’s time to adjust the mask again. It has a Velcro hook instead of the usual buttons and that’s not going to work very well. Back in and Eddie takes him down with a wristlock until a monkey flip sends Eddie flying. A right hand knocks Rey off the apron though as the aggression is starting. Back in and Eddie gets two off a belly to back before slapping on a surfboard (which takes a good while to finally apply). Eddie has to let go and Rey fixes the mask again.

We hit an STF on Rey but Eddie doesn’t pull back on it very well. Mysterio armdrags out of an armbar and Eddie is looking frustrated. More mask adjustment sets up a flip dive from Rey, followed by more time spent fixing the thing. Mysterio tries to speed things up but Eddie drops him with an elbow to the jaw. Three Amigos are broken up but Rey gets caught in a backbreaker. Two more Amigos connect but Rey counters (adjusting the mask in the process) into the 619, only to have that countered into another backbreaker.

The Three Amigos finally work but the frog splash misses. 619 connects and Rey is bleeding from the mouth. The West Coast Pop is countered into a sweet powerbomb for two as the fans are behind Eddie. Back up and a quick hurricanrana gives Rey the pin (with one final mask fix) at 12:36.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but I think they were expecting something even better. This is what happens when you have a masterpiece like these two had at Halloween Havoc 1997: it sets a virtually unbreakable precedent and puts way too much pressure on them to top it every time they square off again. This kicked off a four month long feud between the two which produced some excellent matches, which was tragically followed up by Eddie’s death in November.

Eddie shakes Rey’s hand.

JBL and company run into HHH and Flair. They compare legacies and HHH laughs at the idea of anyone believing JBL is as good as he thinks. A future showdown is teased but thankfully this never went anywhere. Flair gets in a WOO just because.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane

Money in the Bank, which means a ladder match for a briefcase which guarantees them a World Title shot at any time in the next year. Jericho came up with this one night on Raw and others signed up over the next few weeks. This and the battle royal were a much better idea than the multi-team tag matches we sat through last year. Christian has Tomko with him. Shelton is the Intercontinental Champion and has become one heck of a singles star in recent months. Kane’s entrance is again cool as the set has flames all over it, including the ladders set up near the entrance.

Kane starts fighting in the aisle and beats up all four Canadians plus Shelton. Benjamin and Benoit suplex him at ringside but Jericho smacks Edge in the face with a ladder as the bell rings. Jericho beats Shelton up to start but stops to dive on Benoit. Christian dives on all three of his fellow Canadians but Benjamin dives onto all of them plus Tomko. Kane takes out all five of them with a clothesline from the top before hitting Edge with a fresh ladder.

Jericho dropkicks the ladder into Kane but comes up holding his leg. Shelton and Edge take ladders to the face and Edge gets a second dose. Benoit comes back in to German Jericho and the ladder at the same time but Kane breaks up the first climb. That’s fine with Benoit as he grabs the Crossface on Kane. Edge gets the same treatment until Kane hits Benoit in the face with the ladder for the save. Kane isn’t done with him as he crushes Benoit’s arm between the ladder, only to turn into a spear from Edge.

We get a quick Edge and Christian reunion as they crush Kane with ladders, much to the delight of the crowd. Shelton gets back in and kicks a ladder into Christian’s face and flapjacks Edge into the ladder for good measure. Jericho and Benjamin fight on top of the ladder but Christian sets up his own and joins them. Benoit climbs up with one arm but here’s Edge on a third ladder. Lawler: “It’s like open house at Home Depot!”

Christian takes Benoit down by the arm, Jericho gets shoved off and Shelton hits his t-bone exploder suplex to take Edge down. The ladder falls on the two of them to make it even worse. Christian bridges a ladder up against another one to make a ramp but Jericho puts him down and climbs, only to have Shelton run up the ramp and clothesline him down. Kane comes back in and cleans house until Tomko kicks him in the face. Tomko lifts Christian up ala Rhyno at Wrestlemania XVII but Kane makes a save.

Kane sends the ladder over to send Christian crashing to the floor and onto Tomko. Well it’s better than those insane crashes Christian used to take. Jericho and Kane both fall off the ladder with Kane crashing in the middle of the ring. Benoit drops a Swan Dive off the ladder to bust himself open. The bloody Canadian climbs up but Kane does the Undertaker situp, only to get headbutted back down to the mat. Benoit is alone up there but Edge BLASTS him in the bad arm with a chair, allowing him to climb up (JR: “Somebody stop him! Anyone! Even Christian!”) and win at 15:20.

Rating: A-. It’s amazing how much better these things are when you have a more reasonable number of people. Six seems to be the magic number but the later versions would have seven or eight and the whole thing would get too crowded and watered down. This was awesome fun though with some great spots that would be built on in future years. Edge getting the win is the biggest moment of his career and it felt like a huge moment. Really good way to introduce the concept.

Here’s Eugene (Eric Bischoff’s, shall we say, slow nephew) with something to say. This is his second favorite Wrestlemania moment after King Kong Bundy squashed one of the midgets at Wrestlemania III and the rest of the midgets got together like an army. This brings out Muhammad Hassan and manager Daivari, a pair of Arab American wrestlers who claimed racism was the only thing holding them back.

Hassan: “Do you know why I’m angry?” Eugene: “You don’t like midgets?” Hassan rants about all the fake people here in Hollywood and the prejudice and bigotry in the city’s history. In his way over the top voice, Hassan goes off about taking a backseat to a loser like Eugene. He could not, would not and will not stand for this so he’s going to create a Wrestlemania moment of his own. Hassan decks the injured Eugene and puts him in the camel clutch…..which brings out Hulk Hogan in the red and yellow.

Hulk cleans house with ease and the fans eat this up with a fork and spoon. Daivari’s chair shot goes very badly for him and it’s time to pose. This set up a tag match at Backlash with Hogan teaming up with Shawn Michaels. It’s a great moment and a great surprise with Hogan bringing the crowd to his feet doing as he can do better than almost anyone else. The American flag drops, just in case you didn’t know who you were supposed to cheer for. Keep in mind though: Hassan is from New York and Daivari is from Minnesota.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton had lost the Raw World Title to HHH and then lost a long feud to him, meaning it was time to give him something fresh. To get back on track, Orton turned heel again (he pretty much had to after the face turn was ruined so badly) and decided to end the Streak. Even Randy’s dad Cowboy Bob thought Randy is crazy for trying this until the RKO put Undertaker down one night on Smackdown.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

The druids and torches are back this year. Undertaker, with his hair past his shoulders again, glides to the ring without taking a single step. No Cowboy Bob with Orton here. Orton starts with a slap and nails a nice dropkick for one. That earns him a stiff right hand to the jaw and the RKO is easily countered as Undertaker throws him to the floor.

Old School actually connects but Orton hits another dropkick and punches him in the face. Undertaker comes right back with a side slam for two. Snake Eyes looks to set up a big boot but Orton elbows him in the face to take over. The fans are all over Orton as he pounds away with forearms and right hands. A dragon sleeper (a hold Undertaker used for a bit until it became clear that it didn’t fit him) has Orton in trouble spins around and counters with a DDT.

We hit the chinlock but Undertaker would rather not bore the fans so he suplexes Orton down instead. A powerslam gets two on Undertaker and Orton is stunned. I’m not sure why as he never won anything major with that move but that’s a young heel for you. He follows that up by being a young stupid heel as he pounds down right hands in the corner, only to get caught in the Last Ride. Orton slips out and tries an RKO but gets sent into the referee for a horrible ref bump. I mean Orton’s forearm grazed the referee’s chest and it looked like he died.

After Undertaker falls down trying another Last Ride, here’s Cowboy Bob (who might have missed his cue to force the second failed powerbomb) to knock Undertaker out with the cast (He had a very slow healing arm injury. Going on twenty years at this point.) but there’s still no referee. Undertaker gets up and tries a chokeslam, only to have Orton counter into an RKO in midair. That’s one of my all time favorite spots. Orton is stupid enough to try a Tombstone but Undertaker reverses into the real thing to put Orton away at 14:16.

Rating: B-. This show is on fire to start with the third straight good match, which is somehow a step down after a pair of really good matches. Orton looked like a star out there and began the tradition of someone wanting to break the Streak instead of someone having a personal issue with Undertaker. This would become something like another World Title match over the years as the matches would (eventually) become bigger and bigger over time.

We recap evil Trish vs. Christy Hemme. Christy was in Playboy and Trish didn’t like not being in the spotlight, setting up a title defense for Trish here. Lita tore her ACL in January to prevent another showdown with Trish and is training Christy to make us think she has a chance. The problem is Hemme is just a model and is making her debut against the best female wrestler of the generation.

Women’s Title: Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending of course and easily kicks Christy to the floor to start. Christy is sent into the steps and this is already looking one sided. Back in and the Chick Kick is blocked, followed by Christy kicking Trish low to take over. It’s clear that she has NO idea what she’s doing though and Lawler keeps the focus on her very short skirt. Christy sunset flips her out of the corner for two and makes her comeback with some lame kicks, followed by a reverse Twist of Fate. That’s it though as the Chick Kick puts Christy out of her misery at 4:11.

Rating: D. This was about Christy looking good and Lita being there for a completely token appearance. At the end of the day, this was going to be the future of the Divas division no matter how many people were disappointed. Your wrestling ability stopped mattering because the only important thing was how good you looked in skin tight shorts. Bad match but they kept it short as they should have.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Angle was dominating the Royal Rumble when Shawn came in and eliminated him with a quick superkick. This wasn’t cool with Kurt and he wanted a one on one match with Shawn at Wrestlemania. You don’t have to ask Shawn twice about a chance to show off at the biggest show of the year.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

If this is anything less than a classic, it’s going to be a disappointment. They stare each other down to start until Shawn slaps her in the face. That earns him a takedown but Shawn makes it to the ropes. A headlock slows Kurt down and the fans seem to be on Angle’s side. Back up and Shawn takes him right back down into a headlock. A hiptoss takes Angle down again and we hit a short armscissors.

Angle comes up with the customary lifting counter but Shawn rolls into a sunset flip. Back to the headlock as they’re doing a nice job of recreating the Bret vs. Shawn story of Shawn wrestling technical when his opponents wouldn’t have expected him to go that route. A quick ankle lock attempt is countered and the Cactus Clothesline puts both guys outside.

Shawn is ticked off for some reason and loads up the announcers’ table, rolls inside to break the count (a forgotten move) and gets caught in an Angle Slam into the post. Well not really the Slam itself I don’t know how else you would call that. Kurt starts in on the back and puts on a body scissors. The fans are split as it’s time to trade some chops. Enough of that though as Kurt grabs a belly to belly and it’s time for a reverse chinlock with a knee in the back. Shawn fights up but slaps Angle for some reason, earning himself a big clothesline for two.

Kurt loads up a belly to belly superplex but gets shoved down instead. The top rope elbow misses though and Shawn crashes back first onto the mat. There go the straps but Kurt gets backdropped out to the floor and Shawn, always the crazy one, follows him out with a high cross body. Back up and the German suplex to the floor is teased again but as always, Kurt can’t quite pull it off. Mainly because of the whole death thing. Shawn kicks him low for the save instead and puts Angle on the table for a spinning splash from the apron, which DOESN’T break the table in a sick landing.

Both guys are very slow to get back in as you would expect but it’s Shawn with the forearm into the nipup to get the fans right back on his side. The elbow connects this time around but the superkick is countered into the ankle lock again. Shawn can’t roll out of it but he finally makes the rope. The Angle Slam is countered so Kurt grabs the ankle as a consolation prize. That counter is countered into a cradle for two but now the Slam connects for two.

In another awesome moment, Kurt puts the straps back up so he can pull them right back down, only to miss the moonsault. Might be time for a new strategy Kurt. Shawn loads up another elbow but this time Angle runs the ropes for a super Angle Slam. It still only gets two so Kurt yells at him, allowing Shawn to shove him away and nail Sweet Chin Music for another near fall. Both guys are very slow to get up and Shawn leaves his foot too close to Kurt, setting up the ankle lock with the grapevine for the (very) eventual tap at 27:27.

Rating: A. Outstanding match here with the athletic slugfest at its best. There’s something so great about two masters out there showing everything they could do. Shawn is at his best when he gives it everything he has but just isn’t good enough, though he would win the rematch later in the year. Great stuff here and I really don’t see anything else topping this tonight.

The guys get a well deserved standing ovation.

We get the full Basic Instinct trailer again with Stacy implying there’s something between herself and Trish.

Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit with special guest Steve Austin. Piper thanks us for the Hall of Fame induction but wants to make some history. He’s been told that Austin is the toughest man in the WWE and he calls that bull. This brings out Austin, who Piper says is supposed to be some rebel. Piper slaps him in the face so Austin swears at him and slaps him right back. Piper: “I kind of like you!”

The WHAT chants get on Piper’s nerves quick but he learns how to talk at the right cadence. There’s a point Piper wants to differ on but the WHAT chants cut him off again. Piper says he was here when Wrestlemania didn’t have a number and was ticking Vince off when Austin was in diapers. For some reason JR thinks that’s quite the insult. Austin and James Dean have nothing on Piper when it comes to being a rebel.

It’s Austin’s turn now and he rips on Piper a bit, in time with the WHAT chants. Piper says this is failure to communicate and here’s Carlito if all people to interrupt. Carlito thinks these arguments are stupid because neither of them are cool enough for him (that’s and spitting apples at people are pretty much his entire gimmick). Austin invites him into the ring but Piper has no idea who Carlito is.

Carlito wants them both to leave and can we just get to the Stunners already? Piper steals the apple and spits some of it at Carlito. That earns him some left hands to the head as Austin just watches. Austin finally beats Carlito up, throws him to Piper for a thumb to the eye and gives him the Stunner. It’s time to drink for a good while until Austin finally Stuns Piper too. This went on WAY too long and I have no idea what they were going for but it completely missed. None of them looked like they wanted to be there and Carlito didn’t get anything out of it.

Backlash ad.

Here’s the full Taxi Driver trailer which was voted the best by the fans. The highlight is Batista turning it into a Who’s On First routine.

Akebono vs. Big Show

Why not have some sumo wrestling on the show? You win by pushing your opponent outside the circle or by knocking him off his feet. Akebono is a sumo champion and would become a full time professional wrestler in Japan soon after this. Cole and Tazz treat this as something serious but the fans clearly don’t care. After they go through all the rituals, Akebono wins with relative ease in 1:02. This really, really didn’t need to be here and was lost on the fans, which really isn’t surprising as it wasn’t exactly what they signed up for.

We recap John Cena vs. JBL which is entirely built around a culture clash. Cena won a #1 contenders tournament to earn this shot by beating Angle at No Way Out 2004. JBL is old school and rich while Cena is a brash, in your face rapper who wears throwback jerseys and hats. He had turned the US Title into a spinner belt so JBL helped his lackey Orlando Jordan take the title and then burned it (ok so JBL wasn’t all bad).

JBL got in Cena’s face and said the only way Cena’s family could pay the bills was to have his mama on her back all the time. Since they weren’t allowed to touch each other, Cena ruined JBL’s car, clothes and limousine to try to get JBL to punch him. Naturally this got Cena arrested and JBL hit him while he was defenseless. The build was good, but there’s no question that this is the second biggest match on the show.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

JBL is defending and comes to the ring in a limo with a police escort. To make it even better, JBL dollars fall from the ceiling. I always liked the way JBL held the belt (clasped together but in his hand instead of around his waist). He even sends the Cabinet to the back so this is one on one. Feeling out process to start with Cena getting the better of it until he runs into a boot to the jaw to stagger him.

They trade shoulders with JBL getting the better of it by running Cena over. A big chop staggers Cena again and the champ chokes him on the middle rope. Cena’s comeback is stopped with a spinebuster and punching him in the head. A short arm clothesline (ala Jake Roberts) sets up a sleeper but Cena finally escapes with a belly to back suplex.

There’s a double clothesline to put both guys down again and it’s JBL up first. Cena takes a neckbreaker on the floor and a superplex keeps him in trouble but JBL can’t follow up. JBL eventually gets two and goes to the middle rope, diving right into a powerslam (not a scoop slam Cole) to give Cena an opening. The running shoulders and a hiptoss draw some trash talk and the fans are trying to wake up. The Shuffle connects and Cena ducks the Clothesline, setting up the FU for the pin and the title at 11:27.

Rating: D+. For what was supposed to be a changing of the guard, this was really boring stuff. JBL just could not do it in the ring again at this point and it was clear for months now. Cena winning the first title at Wrestlemania is a big deal and he did what he could but you need a better opponent. JBL had a long run and this was a pretty weak way to end it. Not that I expected anything else though. Their really violent rematch was MILES better and what this match should have been.

Cena celebrates in the crowd.

We look at last night’s Hall of Fame inductions, headlined by Piper and Hogan. They had to go in together.

Gene Okerlund introduces the Class of 2005: Nikolai Volkoff, Iron Sheik, Paul Orndorff (who points to Miss Jackie as she escorts him), Bob Orton, Jimmy Hart, Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan. In other words: pretty much Wrestlemania I as a whole.

Wrestlemania XXII is in Chicago.

We recap the main event. Batista had been Evolution’s animal but he was slowly getting better and smarter. This scared HHH, who thought the whole thing was about him. He and Flair put together a plan to manipulate Batista into fighting JBL at Wrestlemania but Batista overheard them, leading to him beating HHH up. Now HHH has to fight the monster on his own and no one, including Cena, is hotter than Batista.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. HHH

Motorhead plays HHH to the ring and seem to forget the words as it’s a horrible rendition. HHH is also coming out first and rises up through the stage because his entrance needs to be much cooler than Batista’s. They circle each other to start and we get the big power lockup. HHH’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere and Batista takes over with something like a powerslam.

The champ gets thrown into the corner for some right hands but HHH finally sends him out to the floor for a breather. Flair gets caught trying to sneak in a shot, which isn’t enough for an ejection but whatever. Back in and it’s time for choking and stomping, including some extra from Flair. HHH starts in on the back as this is kind of an awkward way to start. An elbow to the back clearly doesn’t make contact so HHH drops some knees instead. A backbreaker keeps up the focus and Flair gets in even more choking.

Some right hands stagger HHH but it’s a spinebuster (because that doesn’t weaken Batista’s spinebuster whatsoever) for a few two counts in a row. The Pedigree is broken up with a backdrop but HHH cuts him off AGAIN with a facebuster. HHH goes up top and dives into a clothesline followed by a side slam for two. That’s enough offense for now as Batista charges into a raised boot in the corner.

Batista comes right back with a hard whip to send HHH out to the floor but the champ sends him hard into the steps to regain control. The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a slingshot into the post, drawing blood from HHH’s head. Back in and Batista goes after the cut with some big forearms before driving the shoulders in the corner.

The fans are trying to get behind Batista again but that HHH dominance killed a lot of the match. Flair tries a distraction so HHH can get a chair but the referee takes it away. Ric takes out the referee and tries a belt shot, only to walk into a spinebuster instead. HHH gets in the belt shot for two. Now the Batista spinebuster connects but a low blow stops the fans AGAIN. The Pedigree is blocked and Sheamus’ White Noise sets up the Batista Bomb to give us a new champion at 21:40.

Rating: C-. Screw off with HHH and his ridiculous ego. Batista won in the end but this was ALL about HHH and making sure he looked as strong as possible in defeat. The fans wanted to cheer here but it felt like every other HHH match in this era but with Batista finally surviving to win the title. The fifteen minutes of dominance here really hurt the match and that’s mainly because of HHH not letting Batista get in enough offense until the end. Couple that with HHH’s awesome entrance and this felt more like a farewell to HHH than the coronation of a new star.

Batista holds up the title to HHH and poses to take us to the highlight package.

Overall Rating: B. This is a very lopsided show as the last hour and a half is a BIG drop from the first two hours and fifteen minutes. The World Title matches just aren’t very good (much more boring than bad though) and some of the other stuff like Piper’s Pit and the sumo match was just plain awful. I’m really not sure what the point of the Pit was unless they were going for a rub for Carlito, but you would think that him beating Cena in his debut match in the fall would have accomplished that just fine.

On the other hand though, four of the five first matches range from good to excellent with only Trish vs. Christy (a four minute match with three gorgeous women) falling short. If you could cut out a good chunk of the last third, this is a MUCH stronger show and one of the better ones of all time. Considering that’s similar to what I said last year, it’s pretty easy to see that pushing four hours (or five last year) is too long for a wrestling show. Obviously you can’t expect everything to be great, but cut some of it down or improve it a lot. Still though, the really good more than outweighs the bad here and that’s always a positive.

Ratings Comparison

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B

Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Kane

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: A-

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Original: F+

2013 Redo: F

2015 Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2015 Redo: A

Akebono vs. Big Show

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

HHH vs. Batista

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2015 Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Just about everything was a step lower this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-wrestlemania-21-best-ad-campaign-ever/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/30/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxi-another-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2018
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

We’ve got two shows to go before New Orleans and WWE is still dragging its feet to get to John Cena vs. the Undertaker. Tonight we have Cena vs. Kane though, which is likely the next step on the way to the big showdown. Other than that, we might get a few more names added to the battle royals. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to open things up. Heyman recaps the attack on Roman Reigns last week and of course we see some clips. As it turns out, Reigns’ suspension is lifted but he’s not here tonight. Heyman goes over the Samoan wrestling family raising Roman to be a star and a champion. What they didn’t raise him to be is a man.

Reigns was the one saying he was here every single week no matter what but he’s not here tonight. Maybe Reigns should have found three MMA students, dressed them up like US Marshals and beaten the heck out of them before starting a fight with Lesnar. Reigns isn’t man enough to do that though, nor is he man enough to show up here and take another beating from Brock.

Heyman loads up the end but Reigns is in the crowd. He comes out swinging with a chair and gets in a few shots but Brock runs him over. A HARD shot to the face with the steps puts Reigns down and Brock lays him out with the chair. Brock goes to leave but comes back with an F5 onto the steps. Reigns is left laying, again. The story they’re telling here is good, but Reigns not even missing a single show isn’t helping. That and the fans don’t want to cheer for Reigns and there isn’t much of a way around that problem.

Nia Jax vs. Mickie James

Nia knocks her to the floor in short order and we take a break. Back with Jax stomping away in the corner and Mickie bailing to the floor. Alexa Bliss offers a distraction and a chop block takes Nia down. Back in and a hard slam looks to set up the legdrop but Nia only hits mat. A running kick to the face drops Nia again and a missed charge makes things even worse. Mickie kicks the knee out and goes up top, earning herself a gorilla press into a Samoan drop for the pin at 7:05.

Rating: D+. The knee stuff was fine but this was what it should have been: Nia winning in a match that was just a step above a squash. She needs to destroy Bliss even faster at Wrestlemania but I have a feeling that they’ll have the match go longer in an attempt for something “epic”. That’s not what the story calls for, but we got what it calls for here.

Post match Alexa gets in a cheap shot but the glare in response sends her running.

We get a package on Ronda Rousey’s WWE career with HHH and Stephanie McMahon adding in sitdown comments. HHH says this could have been a perfect employee but Rousey and Angle had to run their mouths. We see them training and hear from the Performance Center coach who talks about how hard they train all the time. Stephanie is ready for anything and HHH never stops training.

See, Rousey is coming into a ring that Stephanie owns because she’s wrestled before. At Wrestlemania, Rousey will be humbled like everyone else that has come at the Authority. Good stuff here, but if they even think about having Stephanie be competitive against Rousey on an even remotely even playing field, they’re dumber than I thought.

Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali vs. TJP/Drew Gulak

Joined in progress with Ali in trouble and 205 Live General Manager Drake Maverick on commentary. Gulak gets two off a neckbreaker but Ali fights out of the chinlock and makes the hot tag to Alexander. Everything breaks down in short order and Ali hits a huge flip dive onto Gulak. Back in and Cedric hits the Neuralizer with Ali making a blind tag. The Lumbar Check sets up the 054 for the pin on TJP at 4:02. Cedric isn’t happy with the blind tag.

Rating: C. Tension between these two is a good idea and it’s a smart move to put them on the show before their title match at Wrestlemania. The build between these two has been great stuff so far and that’s all you can ask for in something like this. The title match should be a lot of fun so having some more build like this would be a good thing.

It’s time for MizTV and the fans give Miz a WELCOME HOME chant. Miz: “I live in LA.” Miz wants to talk about some personal issues and that means the Miztourage. They seem to

think things have been going well for them but Miz isn’t so pleased. For two weeks in a row they’ve let him down and that’s not acceptable. If Miz wanted failure, he never would have left Cleveland. Dallas says they’re doing everything they can but Miz tells him to Bo-Lieve himself back to catering.

Cue Seth Rollins to say that for the first time on MizTV, this is great stuff. Seth offers to mediate and asks when was the last time Miz thanked Dallas and Axel. Miz goes on a rant about himself and Bo calls him a phony A-lister who can’t fight. For some reason Miz couldn’t hear that so here’s Finn Balor to interrupt. He heard what Bo said: Miz was the biggest jerk that he’s ever met. Dallas repeats what he actually said and then realizes that he might have screwed up a little.

Miz wants to hear him say that again and the fight is almost on. That calms Miz down as he says this should be all about him retaining the title for 34 more days. If Miz reaches that milestone, he’ll be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. He’ll be better than Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect. That’s a step too far for Axel (big Shawn fan), who stands next to Dallas. Again, reality sets in so Miz cancels the show to the fans’ delight.

The Miztourage won’t let him leave though as Rollins and Balor are very pleased. The four of them surround Miz and of course it’s a ruse with the Miztourage jumping Balor and Rollins. Cue Anderson and Gallows for the save, leaving Miz alone with Balor. A belt shot misses and Balor hits a Sling Blade but Rollins can’t hit the curb stomp. Balor and Rollins get in a fight over the title as Miz tries a sneak attack. That goes badly for him as well, allowing Balor to take Rollins down. Good segment here, and thank goodness they didn’t make it a five way.

Kane is ready to destroy Cena tonight because Cena isn’t going to Wrestlemania.

Asuka vs. Jamie Frost

Jamie says Asuka doesn’t know her so she’s not ready. Kick to the face ends Frost at 32 seconds.

We hear about Cole apologizing in advance for the Ultimate Deletion. Matt Hardy has since referred to him as an obsolete mule.

Stills of the Ultimate Deletion.

Matt talks about Bray Wyatt’s tyrannical reign being replaced by Senor Benjamin’s spring daisies. Now Matt needs to set his sights on Wrestlemania by honoring the legacy of “amazing world wonder number eight” by entering the battle royal. Everyone else will be DELETED.

Cole: “That was OBNOXIOUS!”

Sasha Banks and Bayley are in the back with Bayley saying she’s in the battle royal. Banks wants to talk about last week so Bayley rants about how Banks thinks she’s the best thing in the world. That’s true, and Banks isn’t making any apologies for it. Maybe Bayley should do the same so everyone doesn’t think she’s a loser. Bayley thinks Sasha is doing it because everyone knows she can’t beat her.

Sasha is a four time Women’s Champion but Bayley asks how long she kept it. Those are fighting words and it’s on with Sasha getting the better of it until referees break things up. More horrible acting, as you can tell they were just reading a script. How hard can it be to say “you’re mad at each other because Sasha can’t beat Bayley, go bicker with each other for a minute”? If they don’t have any more faith in them than that, don’t give them live microphones.

Braun Strowman comes out for a match but here’s the Bar to demand to know Strowman’s partner. Strowman will tell them if Sheamus can beat him. Maybe they’ll get an answer, but they’re going to GET THESE HANDS.

Braun Strowman vs. Sheamus

Strowman gets low bridged to start and might have tweaked his knee. The ten forearms to the chest are broken up and a single forearm puts Sheamus on the floor as well. Sheamus gets sent outside again and we take a break. Back with Sheamus kicking at the knee for a bit until Braun fights up and tosses him to the floor. Sheamus makes the mistake of standing there, allowing Braun to run him over with the big shoulder. Back in and Braun goes shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to matter as the powerslam ends Sheamus at 7:53.

Rating: D+. Man I could go for a Sheamus vs. Braun hoss fight with the roles reversed. If there’s one thing Sheamus can do, it’s hit people really hard in a good brawl. I’m down with not knowing the partner before Wrestlemania, as the anticipation could make it a lot of fun. Not much here, and hopefully the knee injury isn’t anything.

Here’s Kurt Angle to bring out Ronda Rousey. Angle talks about Stephanie and HHH being ready for anything so Wrestlemania is going to be a lot of fun. Rousey was watching that video earlier and Stephanie is tough, but she’s trust fun tough. She’s limousine riding tough. At Wrestlemania, she’s get what’s coming to her when Ronda takes her arm out of its socket.

Cue Absolution with Paige saying this is their world. It’s nice that Rousey is going into her first match but she needs backup. Rousey could be the fourth member of Absolution! That’s a no from Ronda so Paige sends the other two after her. Deville goes down with one shot and Rousey suplexes Mandy into Sonya’s legs. Rousey grabs Mandy’s arm and cranks a bit but Angle calms her down. That’s very Ken Shamrock of her. This was another rough segment from Rousey, but once she goes beast mode, she’s exactly what WWE wants her to be. The talking though….needs some work.

We recap the opening sequence.

Anderson and Gallows vs. Miztourage

Joined in progress with Anderson hitting the Rocket Kick (HI-YAH) in the corner on Axel but a Dallas distraction lets Curtis shove him to the floor. A chinlock keeps things down until Anderson fights up with a spinebuster. The hot tag brings in Gallows for a kick to Axel’s head and a big splash keeps him in trouble. The Boot of Doom only gets two with Dallas making the save. Not that it matters as the Magic Killer finishes Axel at 4:36.

Rating: C-. Slightly better than I was expecting here as they had some nice near falls. Anderson and Gallows are the much better team going forward as the Miztourage is really only there as lackeys. I could see Anderson and Gallows going after whoever Strowman wins the titles with in an early losing effort down the line.

Here’s Elias to talk about performing on the grandest stage of them all in thirteen days. He’s not happy with going from Madison Square Garden over the weekend to Cleveland tonight but just like LeBron James, he’s leaving soon. After a song about hating Cleveland, it’s time for a match.

Elias vs. Rhyno

Rhyno runs him over with a shoulder to start but gets taken down with a clothesline. A chinlock doesn’t last long but Rhyno’s comeback is even shorter as Drift Away gives Elias the pin at 1:25.

Long recap of Cena challenging Undertaker to no avail.

John Cena vs. Kane

No DQ. Kane wastes no time in stomping Cena down and a big boot puts him on the floor. We’re already in the chinlock and Cena can’t power up with the AA as Kane falls down onto him for two. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps as we take a break. Back with Kane knocking him through the crowd and hitting a suplex onto a well placed piece of barricade. They head back to the ring with Kane putting him down and going to take off a turnbuckle.

Cena sits up and sends him into the buckle, followed by the throat slit. A chokeslam gets two on Kane and it’s table time. Kane sits up this time though and shoves the table over before the AA can connect. Instead he sends Cena through the table in the corner for two. Rather than going after Cena even more, it’s another table being set up instead. The chokeslam is countered into an AA through the table to give Cena the pin at 14:02.

Rating: C. I’m still not interested in seeing Cena vs. Kane but at least they’re doing something else to set up the match than the usual stuff. That being said, Cena acting like Undertaker is some horrible person for wanting to retire because Cena wants a match at Wrestlemania is flimsy at best. This was perfectly fine for a house show main event.

Post match Cena wants to know where the lightning is. He calls Undertaker a coward again because there’s no response. Cena is willing to go to Wrestlemania as a fan because all he wants is SOMETHING from Undertaker. There’s just one week left to go because Undertaker has one week left to do something and define his career. Oh good grief. Anyway Cena wants him here next week because it’s Undertaker’s last chance.

Overall Rating: C+. This week was mainly about advancing the stories that were already set up and I’m getting more and more excited for Wrestlemania every week. There’s a very solid card to be found in there, though stuff like Cena acting as if Undertaker’s career means nothing because he’s old and broken down doesn’t do much for me. The good stuff was good here and they’re getting my interest up, which is all that matters right now.

Results

Nia Jax b. Mickie James – Samoan drop

Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. TJP/Drew Gulak – 054 to TJP

Asuka b. Jamie Frost – Kick to the head

Braun Strowman b. Sheamus – Powerslam

Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Magic Killer to Axel

Elias b. Rhyno – Drift Away

John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment through a table

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event
Date: March 22, 2018
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Vic Joseph Nigel McGuinness

I’m just going out on a limb here but I think Smackdown might get some extra attention this week. You know, because of that whole biggest story of the year thing that went down. There was good stuff on Raw too though, meaning we might not be getting a lot of original content this time around. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s episode if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Curt Hawkins vs. Heath Slater

Hawkins wastes no time in laying down so Slater can pin him but his “surprise” kick to the head is easily countered. A running clothesline puts Hawkins on the floor and he’d be more than happy to have Rhyno attack him for a DQ. Slater cuts him off but Hawkins cuts him off, followed by a chinlock inside. The comeback is cut off with a dropkick and Slater has to break out of another chinlock. There’s an enziguri to get Slater out of trouble and a neckbreaker is good for two. Hawkins decks him again but takes WAY too much time following up, allowing Slater to get a small package for the pin at 5:11.

Rating: D+. They’re officially beyond the point of needing to do something with Hawkins. The joke is stale and it’s not getting any better by doing the same thing over and over again. That being said, you know the big change isn’t happening on Main Event, but maybe having him be Braun Strowman’s partner or winning off a fluke of some kind could do just as well.

From Raw.

Here’s John Cena to find out what Undertaker is going to do at Wrestlemania. Cena issued a challenge last week and now it’s time to find out what he has to say. He can’t believe that Undertaker doesn’t know he still has a place here because if there’s still a WWE, the name Undertaker still has meaning. There’s even a man in the crowd dressed like the Undertaker right now. Well hang on because the response to the challenge is….nothing.

There hasn’t been a yes or a no and that’s the biggest mistake Undertaker has ever made. Cena calls it disrespectful to everyone in this arena who gets up and cheers when they head about the Undertaker. It’s disrespectful to everyone who took an oversized mortician and turned him into a god. Without the people, there’s no Streak and there’s no Undertaker. After these people have given Undertaker everything they have, he can’t give them a yes or a no?

If you’re retired then say you’re retired but if you’re in then say you’re in. The man that Undertaker has become is a coward. Just do something, even if it’s “some of that stupid stuff you do.” Roll a casket out here or light something on fire but DO SOMETHING! Fans: “DO SOMETHING!” Cue Kane, with new music, to chokeslam Cena without saying a word. I know the match is almost a guarantee, but they’re cutting it ridiculously close with this build.

From Smackdown.

Here’s Bryan to open things up. He needs to address the actions of Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens from last week….but they’re not here yet so we need to talk about something else. Bryan talks about being grateful for everything he has, which was the theme of his retirement speech. He has the greatest fans in the world and an amazing, beautiful wife who stood by him the entire way. It was her who told him to keep going to see specialist after specialist to get him back in the ring. Fans: “THANK YOU BRIE!”

Then when he got depressed, he decided to fight and it was Brie who told him to fight for his dreams. Eventually he was told he was cleared and those dreams became a reality. Next, Bryan needs to thank all of the doctors who kept giving him clearances until the WWE doctors finally did the same. Bryan isn’t sure when he’ll be back in the ring so here’s a WRESTLEMANIA chant to give him an idea. No announcement is made but the fans (including myself) are thrilled.

And from later in the same show.

Back from a break and Bryan is in the ring to see Owens and Zayn. Owens talks about taking their time getting here but Shane McMahon wasn’t going to be here so it wasn’t a big deal. Then they heard what happened and got over here as soon as they could. They had to get out of a speeding ticket but it was easy because everyone is dumber in Texas. Sami is happy with the news because Bryan has always been their biggest fan.

It’s a classic case of good things happening to good people and any show with the three of them on it is the dream show. It sounds like a dream team, but that’s not why Bryan wanted them out here. Bryan shows a clip of the two of them attacking Shane to end last week’s show, which they find funny. That’s not cool with Bryan but Sami says Shane deserved it. Bryan thinks they don’t get it.

Shane was right: Bryan was living vicariously through the two of them, but last week was more than getting a little carried away. The thing is Sami and Kevin won because Shane agreed that he had gone too far. They had a match set up for Wrestlemania, which was all they had ever wanted. Imagine the three of them being told that at an armory in front of 300 people ten years ago.

They would have had Bryan in his corner to run the show but they still assaulted Shane. Bryan doesn’t get it but he’s been fired from this company twice and grown from it each time. The two of them are fired and are so shocked that they can’t speak. Owens goes to leave but decks Bryan, followed by some screaming that Bryan did this.

Bryan fights back with kicks in the corner and a snap German suplex to Sami, followed by the running corner dropkicks. Referees come out as Owens takes the YES Kicks but Sami gets back up for the save. Bryan eats a Helluva Kick and the apron powerbomb makes things even worse to end the show.

Well that worked. This gives you a logical path to the tag match (Sami and Kevin have changed from the men Bryan knew years ago and the attack on Shane was unnecessary) and gives Sami and Kevin a ton of heat at the same time. It’s a good angle, but more than that it’s bizarre to see Bryan taking bumps after two years of just talking. Good segment though and I’m excited for the match.

Lucha House Party vs. Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese/TJP

It’s kind of amazing how the more worthless cruiserweights have just disappeared since the tournament started. Kalisto and TJP start things off with the latter talking trash, earning himself a trip to the mat and a spank. The rolling kick to the head rocks TJP again and everything breaks down in a hurry. Double suicide dives have the villains in trouble but Daivari racks Dorado. That’s broken up as well and it’s a superkick into the shooting star for the very fast pin on Daivari at 2:01. I’m guessing the Bryan segment cut this way down but it’s not like we haven’t seen it a dozen times.

Wrestlemania rundown.

From Raw again.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up and he has some bad news: Roman Reigns will not be here tonight due to his suspension and Brock Lesnar isn’t here yet. Angle goes to talk about the tag team battle royal but here’s Roman Reigns through the crowd. Kurt warns him that security is waiting but Roman doesn’t care. Someone has to be here to represent the main event of Wrestlemania since Brock isn’t showing up.

They yell at each other with Reigns saying he’s not going anywhere and getting a chair. Angle waves it off and leaves so here are the US Marshals, one of which pulls out a card and gives him the Miranda rights. Reigns is handcuffed but they make the mistake of grabbing his arms and the beating is on. Reigns stands tall and CUE LESNAR!

The beatdown is on in a hurry with Brock throwing German suplexes and beating the heck out of him with the chair. An F5 leaves Reigns laying and here’s a stretcher to come get Roman. He’s strapped on but Brock comes back again and shoves the stretcher over. Reigns is left laying after a very strong segment that this match needed.

Overall Rating: B-. The original wrestling was its usual nothing but my goodness what a week for WWE TV. The Bryan announcement and segments were outstanding but the Lesnar beatdown worked very well in its own regard. For the first time I’m getting very excited for Wrestlemania and this is the right time for that to be the case.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 19, 2018
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

We’re down to three weeks left before Wrestlemania and there’s a lot left to do. One such thing is Ultimate Deletion, which takes place tonight instead of at Wrestlemania in a smart move. The problem is that’s going to be a lot of TV time that could be used for something bigger, though I’m curious to see how this translates to WWE TV. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up and he has some bad news: Roman Reigns will not be here tonight due to his suspension and Brock Lesnar isn’t here yet. Angle goes to talk about the tag team battle royal but here’s Roman Reigns through the crowd. Kurt warns him that security is waiting but Roman doesn’t care. Someone has to be here to represent the main event of Wrestlemania since Brock isn’t showing up.

They yell at each other with Reigns saying he’s not going anywhere and getting a chair. Angle waves it off and leaves so here are the US Marshals, one of which pulls out a card and gives him the Miranda rights. Reigns is handcuffed but they make the mistake of grabbing his arms and the beating is on. Reigns stands tall and CUE LESNAR!

The beatdown is on in a hurry with Brock throwing German suplexes and beating the heck out of him with the chair. An F5 leaves Reigns laying and here’s a stretcher to come get Roman. He’s strapped on but Brock comes back again and shoves the stretcher over. Reigns is left laying after a very strong segment that this match needed.

We recap last week’s issues between Alexa Bliss and Nia Jax. Bliss didn’t realize a camera was on and ran her mouth, calling Nia huge and stupid. Nia was crushed and tried to take out Bliss and Mickie James but they bailed in time.

Here are Alexa and Mickie to call what was said last week girl talk. Alexa got carried away and said some things that she shouldn’t have. She apologizes….that she didn’t speak the truth sooner. Bliss didn’t lose an ounce of sleep or lose an ounce of remorse because she never liked Nia. It feels like she’s lost 300lbs of loser and now it’s time to end the streak.

Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka

Non-title. Joined in progress with Bliss bending the neck around the ropes and pounding Bliss down. Asuka tries a legsweep but gets dropkicked down for two instead. Bliss avoids a charge against the ropes and the running hip attack….looks a bit awkward with Bliss bouncing to the side instead of backwards. A sliding knee looks better and drops Bliss for two but Mickie offers a distraction.

Bliss knees her to the floor so Mickie can get in a cheap shot. Back from a break with Bliss getting two off a sunset bomb. Bliss misses her standing moonsault and gets kneed down for two. An ankle lock has Bliss in trouble until she crawls out to the floor. Bliss takes a walk and it’s a countout at 11:56.

Rating: C-. This was rather sloppy at times and the ending wasn’t the best in the world. You can only get so far with one of them walking out for a countout but that’s the best course of action with both of them in major matches at Wrestlemania. Bliss is definitely getting better in the ring, though some of her selling here was hit and miss.

Post match, with Bliss still in the aisle, here’s Nia Jax to chase Bliss down. Alexa scurries away but can’t get into the crowd. Mickie’s save earns her a whip into the apron and Bliss escapes. Nia chases her down again and they run to the back.

Post break Bliss asks Angle to have Nia arrested. That’s a big negative so the title match is on for Wrestlemania.

Here’s Braun Strowman to address winning the battle royal. He’s been told that he has to have a partner to challenge for the titles, even though he thinks he can win them on his own. Cue the Bar to mock the idea of Strowman winning, but Braun says he has a partner to challenge for the titles. As for now though, Strowman gets to face one of them. Both of them get on the apron but Sheamus does a head fake and only Cesaro gets in.

Cesaro vs. Braun Strowman

Cesaro gets thrown into the corner for some right hands (these hands I believe) and we take a break. Back with Cesaro getting in a right hand to the face but having a suplex reversed into a new powerslam. That’s broken up though and Strowman is low bridged to the floor. A dropkick through the ropes staggers Strowman and he misses a charge into the post. Cesaro’s springboard spinning uppercut has Strowman in trouble bu the second attempt is knocked out of the air. Sheamus offers a distraction and gets run over, followed by the running powerslam to end Cesaro at 8:40.

Rating: C. Better match here as Cesaro got in some offense, as he should have. Strowman getting a pin clean like that is a nice move for him, though winning the titles needs to be a must. You can only have him slip on a banana peel so many times before it stops working and Strowman is running out of chances.

We go to the Hardy Compound where Rebecca, with Wolfgang on her back, is playing the piano. Senor Benjamin is told to prepare for annihilation.

Revival vs. Titus Worldwide

Neither team gets an entrance. Clash of the Titus is broken up with a dropkick and Wilder drops Dawson into a legdrop on O’Neil for two. The hot tag brings in Apollo to clean house, including the jumping clothesline into a standing moonsault for two. A small package gets two on Dawson but Wilder pulls Titus to the floor. That means a dive from Apollo but Dawson sneaks in a blind tag, setting up the Shatter Machine for the pin at 3:10.

Rating: C-. Nice while it lasted but I’m not sure what there is to win at this point. I like seeing Revival win, though what exactly do they have to get ready for right now? The battle royal maybe? It’s nice to see the Revival win though and that’s more than they’ve been able to say in recent weeks.

Post match the Revival is asked what they’re doing next. They’re the best team to challenge for the titles but now they’re entering Strowman’s world by entering the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Mark Henry Hall of Fame video.

Here’s Bayley for a match but hang on a second as here’s Sasha to explain her actions over the last few months. She was trying to win the title, not betray Bayley. Last week, Bayley wasn’t trying to win a match when she walked away. Banks is willing to forgive her though and extends a hand but Bayley grabs a mic instead. Yeah she walked away last week because she can’t get over what Sasha did at Elimination Chamber. Sasha was smiling when she knocked Bayley down like it meant nothing. Cue Absolution to interrupt though and the match is on.

Bayley/Sasha Banks vs. Sonya Deville/Mandy Rose

Banks gets in a slap but is thrown outside with Bayley joining her as we take a break. Back with Bayley sending Rose face first into the buckle over and over before hitting the running elbow to the back. Sasha tags herself in to count two though and gets stomped down in the corner for her efforts.

Mandy gets two off a sliding knee and the stomping continues. A charge misses and Sasha crawls over to Bayley, whose arm isn’t stretched out. Instead Banks gets knocked into the corner and Bayley tags herself in to start cleaning house. A middle rope elbow gets two as everything breaks down. Bayley’s backslide gets a delayed two on Sonya as the referee is trying to get rid of Banks. Deville sends them into each other though and kicks Bayley down for the pin at 10:00.

Rating: D+. Storyline advancement instead of a match here and that’s fine. It seems that we’re heading for Bayley and Sasha in the battle royal instead of having a singles match and I think I’m ok with that. It’s either have a short Wrestlemania match or be on the pre-show otherwise so let them do the showdown later, maybe even at the next pay per view or the Raw after Wrestlemania. Still though, the story works.

Here’s John Cena to find out what Undertaker is going to do at Wrestlemania. Cena issued a challenge last week and now it’s time to find out what he has to say. He can’t believe that Undertaker doesn’t know he still has a place here because if there’s still a WWE, the name Undertaker still has meaning. There’s even a man in the crowd dressed like the Undertaker right now. Well hang on because the response to the challenge is….nothing.

There hasn’t been a yes or a no and that’s the biggest mistake Undertaker has ever made. Cena calls it disrespectful to everyone in this arena who gets up and cheers when they head about the Undertaker. It’s disrespectful to everyone who took an oversized mortician and turned him into a god. Without the people, there’s no Streak and there’s no Undertaker. After these people have given Undertaker everything they have, he can’t give them a yes or a no?

If you’re retired then say you’re retired but if you’re in then say you’re in. The man that Undertaker has become is a coward. Just do something, even if it’s “some of that stupid stuff you do.” Roll a casket out here or light something on fire but DO SOMETHING! Fans: “DO SOMETHING!” Cue Kane, with new music, to chokeslam Cena without saying a word. I know the match is almost a guarantee, but they’re cutting it ridiculously close with this build.

We recap the opening segment. Reigns has been taken to a medical facility.

Back to the Hardy Compound with Matt asking George Washington (a giraffe) for advice.

Here’s the Miztourage for a match against Balor Club but beforehand, Miz complains about his lack of respect. His face isn’t even on the Wrestlemania magazine because there’s no respect. Miz can’t even get a singles match for the title and wants to know if he’s the bad guy. If you buy the Finn Balor and Seth Rollins action figures, it doesn’t make them superstars. Last week Miz showed how much they wanted to hurt each other. At Wrestlemania, Miz will show “Tyler Black and Prince Nevitt” how things work around here so they can go back to the bingo halls and Too Sweet all the indy fans.

Miztourage vs. Anderson and Gallows/Finn Balor

Hang on though as here’s Rollins to do commentary and we take a break before the opening bell. Joined in progress with Gallows hammering on Axel before it’s off to Balor to armbar Dallas. Miz comes in and knees Balor in the ribs, followed by the left hands to the head. A basement dropkick cuts Axel down but Miz keeps Balor in trouble.

That allows Miz to do Balor’s pose and that’s just too much. Balor gets over to corner for a tag to Anderson so house can be cleaned. A high crossbody gets two on Axel and we take a break with Miz and company in trouble. Back with Balor clotheslining him to the floor, setting up a HUGE flip dive. The Coup de Grace is broken up but the Skull Crushing Finale is turned into a rollup for two. Instead Miz is kicked into Dallas for the pin at 10:07.

Rating: C-. Another match designed to advance the stories here and that’s all well and good. The triple threat should be fun and you can pencil in the other four for spots in the battle royal. I’d bet on Miz retaining but there’s a real chance for either of them to pull it off, which is all you could ask for.

Post match the beatdown is on but Rollins comes down for the save. Miz takes the curb stomp and Balor isn’t sure what to do.

Matt laid in Skarsgard (the boat) earlier today.

Long video on Ronda Rousey’s path to Wrestlemania.

Bray Wyatt has arrived at the gates of the Hardy Compound, which open without a touch. Vanguard I greets him and says it’s time for music. A piano is heard and Bray follows the sound to a ring where Matt is waiting. Matt knew Bray would come and we take a break

Colo apologizes for what we’re about to see.

Matt Hardy vs. Bray Wyatt

They do some wrestling to start with Matt getting two off a neckbreaker and promising to DELETE Bray. An early Sister Abigail attempt is broken up so Bray hits his hard clothesline. He grabs a chair from underneath the ring (Why would Bray know that was there???) but Matt tells Vanguard I to initiate. That means it’s time for fireworks (how I’ve missed them) and Bray is freaked out, allowing Matt to chair him down.

They fight to a wooden building and Bray drops to his knees with a smile on his face. We see glimpses of Bray’s own compound but he takes a kendo stick away from Matt and rams him into the wall. Another vision of his own compound burning scares Bray so Matt escapes to a group of his symbols planted in the ground like tombstones. A branch to the back gets two on Matt and Bray throws him into a metal door.

The door pops open to reveal a large area, including a ring, a piano and a riding mower. Matt escapes a Rock Bottom through the piano and beats on Bray with a ladder. With Bray down, Matt talks to an old wheel chair (chair of wheels) and the mower of lawns before getting on the latter. With Ode to Joy playing, Bray spiders up and smiles at him. Bray sends Matt into the apron and gets punched in the head a lot.

Wyatt says this is his ultimate deletion and drags Matt outside towards the Lake of Reincarnation. Vanguard comes at Bray but he grabs the handles and throws it away. Matt is gone so Bray throws Skarsgard over, only to find Senor Benjamin with a globe. That’s thrown to Bray, who now has the whole world in his hands. Cue Jeff Hardy for a distraction though and a Twist of Fate pins Bray at 13:23.

Rating: N/A. There’s no way to rate this as a match but for what it was, it worked very well. It felt like one of the TNA matches (of course with a bigger budget) and that’s not a bad thing for once. Bray losing again was pretty clear as you don’t want to waste the compound’s debut. I could have gone for more insanity but what we got worked very well. Now where do they go from here?

Post match Bray gets up and says it’s not over. Matt shoves him into the lake and then calls Benjamin over to get him out. There’s no Bray though, which Matt declares delightful because Great War is over. Bray Wyatt has been deleted. Matt celebrates to end the show as I wonder if Bray is dead.

Overall Rating: C+. The more I think about it, the more I’m liking the build to Wrestlemania….outside of Undertaker vs. Cena that is. They’ve got some interesting matches built up and I’m not sure who wins some of them, which is a nice feeling to have going into the pay per view. Tonight’s show set up some more stuff with a very good opening and a good closing, though I’m not sure where some of the pieces are going to fall into place. They need to finalize things soon and I’m not sure they have time to get everywhere they need to go in time. Still though, tonight was a good step.

Results

Asuka b. Alexa Bliss via countout

Braun Strowman b. Cesaro – Running powerslam

Revival b. Titus Worldwide – Shatter Machine to Apollo

Mandy Rose/Sonya Deville b. Bayley/Sasha Banks – Kick to the head to Bayley

Finn Balor/Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Rollup to Miz

Matt Hardy b. Bray Wyatt – Twist of Fate

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

No Mercy 2003
Date: October 19, 2003
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the Stephanie vs. Vince Show as the McMahons are battling in the real main event. The last few months have been building up to the I Quit match with both of their jobs on the line. Other than that we have Brock Lesnar defending the World Title against the Undertaker in a Biker Chain match, meaning chain on a pole. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home episode of Smackdown if you need a recap.

The opening video, narrated by Vince and Stephanie’s arguing, looks over a little girl’s things, including a tiara, shoes and a teddy bear. We hear Vince demanding that she quit and Stephanie refusing but also begging to not have the match. Thankfully Brock and Undertaker get some time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Tajiri is defending and is admonished to not use the mist of any color. They fight over a lockup to start and fall to the floor with no one getting an advantage. Back in and Rey gets smart by going after the leg with a quick leglock. That’s broken up with some shots to the head but the handspring elbow is dropkicked away to put Tajiri on the floor.

That’s enough of this wrestling stuff so Rey hits a dive to give the fans more of what they’re expecting. Mysterio tries to get a bit too fancy though and has a springboard broken up with his arm landing on the top rope. You wouldn’t exactly expect these two to go with limb work but it’s actually working. A springboard armdrag gets Rey out of an armbar but hurts his arm even more, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the head. Slow Rey down with the arm to set up the best offensive move. Good stuff.

Rey grabs a tornado DDT for a delayed two before using his legs to pull the champ out to the floor. Back in and Tajiri tries to throw him to the floor again but gets a 619 to the ribs. The West Coast Pop is countered with a powerbomb but Rey is right back with a moonsault press. Tajiri goes right back to the arm, only to have the knee give out on the Tarantula attempt. Now the 619 connects and Rey grabs the West Coast Pop but a “fan” runs in for a distraction. Tajiri hits the Buzzsaw Kick to retain.

Rating: B-. Good opener with a bad ending. You can imagine Tajiri getting a lackey out of this and that’s not exactly a thrilling way to wrap up the match. If nothing else, there wasn’t any mist either after Tajiri has spent over a week building it up. I liked the majority of the match though and that’s a good way to open the show.

Replays shows security holding a second “fan” back as well so yeah we’re probably looking at a mini stable. The division needs more bodies so that’s not the worst idea in the world.

Vince yells at Josh Matthews (good) for asking how he’s feeling. This is somehow both personal and business with some people on the roster being on Stephanie’s side. That’s fine with Vince, because if they try to help her, he’ll just fire them.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train is annoyed because he can’t beat Benoit. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” A hard shoulder puts Benoit on the floor and we’re starting at a slower pace. Back in and Benoit can’t get either a German suplex or the Crossface. Instead he just slugs away with chops and some forearms for little avail. A-Train goes with the power as a slam and splash get two.

The clubbing forearms keep Benoit in trouble and A-Train catapults him throat first into the middle rope. More time wasting allows Benoit to slug away until a Polish Hammer (with the Putski references) drops him again. A DDT gives Benoit a breather but A-Train grabs a German suplex of his own. With the wrestling not working, A-Train brings in a chair but gets it knocked away.

A-Train tries a gorilla press instead but drops Benoit HEAD FIRST (didn’t seem to be on purpose) onto the chair in a scary looking landing. Benoit is of course fine and starts rolling the German suplexes. The Swan Dive is broken up so A-Train teases going up as well. Thankfully, for the sake of not breaking the ring, he comes down and hits the Derailer for two instead. With the chair wedged in the corner, A-Train kicks it by mistake, setting up the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: C. Considering who Benoit was in there against, this could have been a lot worse (if nothing else just for dropping Benoit on the chair). A-Train was fine as a dragon for Benoit to slay but that’s all he was going to be. The hairy look and only somewhat above average power offense held him back a lot but at least the story here made sense.

Heidenreich yells at Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore about throwing away his highlight tape but Matt talks his way out of trouble.

Members of the military are here.

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy

Shannon Moore is with Matt Hardy, who cannot be grossed out and has survived five car wrecks. They trade slaps to start before Gowen hits a leg lariat to take over. A middle rope bulldog gets two but Moore breaks up a springboard. Cole: “How much longer is this going to go on? It’s been week after week after week.” Agreed, but they’ll give up on pushing Gowen eventually.

Snake Eyes and a running clothesline put Gowen on the floor, followed by a double arm crank as Cole talks about believing in Gowen. Matt misses the moonsault though and gets knocked outside, allowing Zach to springboard (pulls himself up, puts his shin on the top rope and flips forward) onto him for two. Still shaken from the missed moonsault, Matt takes him to the top but has a belly to back superplex broken up. Gowen’s moonsault is good for the pin.

Rating: D. If they have to give Gowen a win, I’m kind of glad that it’s a clean one. Having to hear about Gowen winning the match with someone handing it to him would have been too much, but as usual everyone has to slow down to let him keep up. The moonsault had good form but it’s really hard to buy that anything from Gowen is going to be enough for a pin.

Linda McMahon tries to talk Vince out of the match but Vince says no. He’ll make a concession though: Stephanie can win by pinfall as well as submission, but Vince makes it no holds barred to keep it even. They’re throwing everything they can at this match to make it interesting and it’s not working.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

This was set up on Sunday Night Heat. Again no Shaniqua, thank goodness. Bradshaw pounds Doug in the corner to start before running him over with a shoulder. Faarooq comes in for a powerslam but is smart enough to know that Danny tagged himself in. That means a knockdown to Danny as well because Faarooq pays attention. A double spinebuster gets two on Danny and Doug gets kicked in the face for daring to interrupt.

Cole and Tazz argue over sexual fetishes and journalistic integrity as the Bashams take over with a quick double team. A double suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. That actually draws a loud APA chant, which I think may be a first time event. With the first chinlock working so well, Danny grabs another one to keep Faarooq down.

Since Faarooq is tired of being stuck in a chinlock, he fights up and hits a spinebuster, setting up the hot tag to Bradshaw. A powerbomb and Last Call drop Doug and it’s a super Last Call for Danny. The referee gets bumped so here’s Shaniqua to knock Bradshaw out with a club, giving Danny the pin.

Rating: D. Well we were free of her for a few weeks. The Bashams winning was the right call as the APA doesn’t have anything to gain, but Shaniqua and the dominatrix stuff isn’t helping anyone. The division isn’t deep enough that they can’t get to the top very fast, but get rid of the ball and chain as soon as possible.

Post match Shaniqua talks about the Clothesline making her chest swell, which has the Bashams freaking out at a level that Jerry Lawler would find disturbing. They’re going to be rewarded though so she’ll whip it good. And that’s it for whatever good the Bashams got out of the win.

Tazz has keys to victory in the Biker Chain match.

Very long recap of Stephanie vs. Vince. Stephanie won’t quit her job as GM despite what Vince wants so we’re having this match to make her do it. Vince is also sleeping with Sable so Linda is in her corner. This story has dominated Smackdown in recent months and has been turned into the most melodramatic feuds in wrestling history. Thrown in Stephanie’s acting “abilities” and you know how well that’s going to go.

Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

Sable and Linda are the seconds. Vince has to make her say I Quit while Stephanie can win by pinfall or submission. Vince jumps her from behind so Stephanie jumps on her back and screeches a lot. Just in case this wasn’t going to feel long enough already. That’s enough offense from Stephanie, who gets thrown down by the hair with Vince saying she could have quit. Some shoulders in the corner have Stephanie acting like she was shot.

Sable gets in a slap, triggering a chase from Linda which is begging for the Benny Hill theme. Vince gets in Linda’s way and then clotheslines Stephanie again, which is treated as the biggest, most brutal thing ever. We hit the half crab and Stephanie screams like she’s in labor. Stephanie bites her way out of a double arm crank so Sable grabs a pipe, triggering the “catfight” with Linda. A low blow into a rollup (Cole: “WE’VE GOT HIM!”) gives Stephanie two but she can’t hit him with the pipe.

She finally does and Cole lets out a “COME ON GIRL!” but Vince gets his foot on the rope. Another low blow into another rollup gets two and it’s time for the announcers to play cheerleaders. Vince chokes her down and gets in a pipe shot to the ribs, prompting Cole to say Vince outweighs her by 200lbs. So is Stephanie 63lbs or is Vince over 300? Vince chokes with the pipe but Stephanie won’t quit (well duh) so Linda throws in the towel to save her daughter. I’m kind of stunned that this was so short (just shy of ten minutes) as I easily could have seen that being doubled.

Rating: F. Just read any part of this and you’ll get why this was a failure. This was one of the dumbest storylines WWE has ever put together (and consider the competition on that list) and somehow managed to be all about making Stephanie look awesome. These four need to go far, far away for a long time and never speak of anything here again. I never need to hear about Stephanie again and I’m kind of glad the family is destroyed FOREVER (yes FOREVER you see) so they won’t bother trying to get back together again.

Vince shoves Linda down and leaves with Sable. Stephanie gets the big sendoff because of all that hard work she’s done. Like kissing Eric Bischoff, signing Mr. America without knowing who he was, treating Zach Gowen like the world’s biggest charity case and being CLOTHESLINED BY HER FATHER!

The announcers act like they saw an orphanage burn to the ground and puppies used as crash dummies.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. John Cena. John wants to make a name for himself so he rapped about Angle a lot. Kurt did his own few raps and promised to teach him a wrestling lesson.

Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena does his usual gay joke rap before the match. With that out of the way (and the chain laid in the corner), Angle headlocks him to the mat to start. Cena reverses into one of his own and we hit the dueling chants, allowing Cole to talk about Cena’s street cred. Back up and Angle flips him off, earning a hard clothesline to take him down again. A hard running shoulder in the corner rocks Cena again though as this is back and forth so far.

Another shoulder hits post though and Cena gets all fired up, including a running clothesline in the corner. We hit a double chickenwing on the mat and then a front facelock as the pace slows considerably. Back up and a spinebuster (way too common of a move on this show) allows Cena to go up, only to have Angle dropkick him in the shin on the way down. An ankle lock attempt sends Cena scurrying for the ropes so Angle adds a baseball slide.

Kurt does his insane tease of a German suplex off the apron but Cena, fearing a bad case of death, DDT’s him onto the apron to escape. Back in and the Throwback gives Cena two but he gets rolled with the German suplexes. It’s Cena’s turn to pop back up, this time with knees to the head and a buckle bomb of all things for two. The FU and Angle Slam get two each and it’s chain time. The referee actually pays attention for once and takes it away, leaving Cena to hit him with the gold medals for two instead. Back up and another FU is countered into the ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: B. I liked this one quite a bit with some nice work, though Cena going over was the logical play here. The “he earned respect” argument only works for so long and Cena is getting to the point where he really needs a big win. The match was entertaining though and Cena looked good, though Angle kicking out of the FU didn’t do him much good. Not bad, but Cena needs to do something soon.

We recap Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero. I’ll spare you the details and go with burritos, sewage and a destroyed low rider. Sounds serious, right?

US Title: Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie, with a taped up back after Thursday, is defending and Show wastes no time sending him hard into the corner. The champ is right back with a neck snap over the top rope but Show sends him back first into the corner again. Eddie gets creative by throwing in a chair before switching over to some kicks to the knee.

The bad back is sent into the post though and Show launches him over the top to take it back inside. They’re doing a good job of making Show look like the dominant monster but I have a bad feeling of where this is going. We hit the trash talk with Show slowly dragging Eddie around the ring. Eddie manages to send him into an exposed turnbuckle though and a frog splash crossbody gets two.

That’s enough for a ref bump (well duh) so Eddie pulls out some brass knuckles for a knockout shot and two. A title shot to the head knocks Show even sillier and the frog splash….gets two. Show gets the same off a spinebuster (ok enough already) so Eddie kicks him low and grabs a DDT. He can’t follow up though and it’s a chokeslam to give Show the title as the arena deflates.

Rating: D. Eddie was trying as hard as he could but when a brass knuckles shot, a belt shot and the frog splash can’t put Show away, there’s not much more Eddie can do. Show isn’t someone I ever need to see get a push like this or of any kind really, and I certainly hope that Eddie gets the momentum back because he’s been so entertaining as of late.

Post match Chavo comes in to yell at Eddie for losing.

Big Show says no one can beat him because he is, in fact, a giant.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker. Vince turned Brock evil and Undertaker wants to set things right. Then he decided he loved chains for some reason so we’re getting a chain on a pole match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Brock is defending and the chain is on a pole in the corner. Undertaker misses a right hand in the corner to start and Lesnar seems to be running early on. Another miss lets Brock unload in the corner and Old School is blocked. A shoulder goes into the post though and Undertaker hits a big boot and legdrop for two. So the chain can be completely ignored? Now Old School connects and Undertaker grabs la majistral of all things for two more. They head outside with Brock kneeing him in the ribs a few times, followed by a whip into the steps.

Back in and Undertaker strikes away but misses a running boot in the corner. The chain hasn’t been a factor yet, save for some clanking noises here and there. Undertaker gets knocked off the apron and into the barricade so the beating can continue. Back inside again with Undertaker winning a slugout, including a jumping clothesline for two. It’s finally time to go for the chain but the lights go out.

They come back on with nothing changed though Lesnar uses the distraction to grab an electric chair. The steps are thrown in and Undertaker gets sent face first. That’s not enough yet either as Undertaker takes it back outside for a piledriver on the other steps. Rather than go for the win, Undertaker goes for the chain but comes back down with a triangle choke over the ropes instead. A low blow and steps to the head give Lesnar two and it’s time for another slugout as this just keeps going.

Undertaker gets the better of it but his chokeslam is countered into a spinebuster for two. A short armscissors is reversed with a powerbomb so Undertaker switches to the Dragon Sleeper. That’s reversed into the F5 for two so Brock goes up. This time it’s a chokeslam off the top for a HUGE crash but the freaking FBI runs in for the save before Undertaker can go for the chain.

The Last Ride (nearly into the corner so Undertaker has to pull it back a bit) drops Lesnar and it’s a Taker Dive onto the FBI. Nunzio gets knocked away from the chain and Undertaker FINALLY gets the chain. Cue Vince to crotch Undertaker on the top, allowing Lesnar to chain Undertaker in the head. The F5 FINALLY retains the title.

Rating: D+. It was a half decent power match that was crippled by both the length and all the shenanigans. You really could have made this into a regular match or a street fight as the chain wasn’t a factor until the last two minutes. The problem here though is the time as it ran nearly twenty five minutes, or at least eight minutes longer than it needed. With no drama on the chain until the end, there wasn’t much to see other than slow brawling. Not terrible, but not the way this should have gone.

Vince runs away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There’s good stuff in here to keep it from being a disaster or a horrible show but the two main events are a combination of terrible and way too long, which is too much to overcome. Hopefully this is the end of this era as they really need to change a lot of stuff up around here. Find something fresh to work with because the McMahons are so horribly played out and Brock needs a new challenger. Maybe Survivor Series can help because this show was pretty bad.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event
Date: March 15, 2018
Location: Little Caesars Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness

We can finally start focusing on the build to Wrestlemania with Fastlane out of the way. That means another week of recaps, likely with Curt Hawkins losing again and a cruiserweight match thrown in. That’s not a bad thing though as this whole week is about building to the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Goldust vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins promises to win so he can have one more win than the Red Wings have had this week. Goldust punches him in the jaw so Curt wants to box, which goes just as badly for him as well. An early Golden Cross attempt is broken up and Hawkins gets two off a suplex. We hit the chinlock but Hawkins poses for too long, allowing Goldust to score with a spinebuster. Ten right hands in the corner set up the snap powerslam for two but the Golden Cross is broken up again. Now it’s Curt getting his own two off his own spinebuster, only to walk into the Golden Cross for the pin at 5:11.

Rating: D+. I know we’ve seen this one a time or five now but both guys are trying out there. Hawkins losing over and over is getting entertaining and I hope they have some way to pay this off. Goldust is still a great hand in the ring and can put on entertaining matches with just about anyone. I’m still holding out hope that he makes it to 2020 so he can be around for five decades. That’s just not normal and it’s also not out of the question.

Stills of Sunday’s Six Pack Challenge.

From Raw.

Here’s John Cena to address his loss last night. Cena has found his path to Wrestlemania and some people might not like that. He’s tried as hard as he can but he’s lost every chance. The fans chant for Undertaker and Cena says he hopes the people backstage are listening. He won’t be contributing to Wrestlemania this year (I’m guessing he misspoke when he said he had found his path.).

That doesn’t mean that he’s quitting or walking away because he’ll be there on the same road to Wrestlemania as the fans. He’s going as a fan this year and he’ll be having a blast. Cena may be sitting next to us and goes into the crowd to steal a sip of beer. He starts a THIS IS AWESOME chant before switching to a LET’S GO ROMAN which doesn’t work so well.

Back in the ring, Cena says we need to get one chant out of our system: LET’S GO CENA! You know what comes from there and Cena says the only way that’s going to happen is if he does something he’s not supposed to do. Actually, what does he have to lose if he does it? Cena: “Well screw it. I challenge the Undertaker to a match at Wrestlemania.” He’s been told that’s impossible but he doesn’t quite get why.

Cena says the challenge a few more times and since his mic is still working, it’s clearly not WWE that doesn’t want it to happen. That leaves just Undertaker, who needs to, and I quote, get over his own ego. Undertaker is hiding behind his loss and needs to take his head out of the sand. He’s not too old and he’s not broken down. If he was, he wouldn’t be posting workout videos on his wife’s Instagram. Undertaker is hiding and needs to come try and Tombstone Cena in front of 75,000 people. If Cena was Undertaker, he’d want one more match.

So, to recap, this match is going to have, at most, three weeks of official build (assuming Undertaker doesn’t Tweet a response) because we needed Cena in a six way match at Fastlane. I don’t want to see this match and while it could have a good feeling to it, I would really just prefer that Undertaker goes away after last year’s great moment. The Cena vs. Undertaker match could have been awesome, but unless that hip surgery completely changed Undertaker, last year was a really bad sign.

From Raw again.

Cue Roman Reigns to say what just happened was Brock didn’t show up for work today. For anyone else, there would be a fine, a suspension, or being fired, but that’s not happening to Vince’s boy. Reigns says if Angle didn’t show up, he’d be fired and not be able to feed his kids. Reigns passed Vince McMahon in the back and Vince didn’t have the courtesy to apologize. Roman isn’t going to have Vince disrespect him so he leaves the ring and goes to the gorilla position, where Vince and Shane are producing the show. Vince gets up and says they’ll talk in his office.

Reigns leaves Vince’s office and has nothing to say. Vince comes out a second later and says he had to tell Reigns to know his role and shut his mouth. Brock has certain privileges and may not like anyone but he respects competition. Vince says Brock will be at Wrestlemania and will defend his title but he also promises that Brock will be here next week. As for Reigns, he’s been temporarily suspended.

And now to Smackdown.

Here’s Shane for his big announcement. He recaps the entire story between himself, Owens and Zayn before saying that he’s taking a leave of absence as Commissioner. Before he goes though, Shane makes Owens vs. Zayn for Wrestlemania. This brings out Owens with his head shaking. Before he can say much though, here’s Sami to interrupt. Sami doesn’t like Shane listening to the fans but doesn’t seem pleased that Shane is leaving.

Shane doesn’t understand this as he just gave them what they wanted. Owens does appreciate it, but thinks Shane will appreciate this too. The double beatdown is on and Owens hits a Pop Up Powerbomb and it’s time for a chair. They wrap it around Shane’s neck and ram it into the post before dragging him to the back. Shane gets powerbombed onto a big metal box and sounds like he can barely breathe. A stretcher is brought in to end the show. I’m sure Shane will be perfectly fine enough for Bryan to add him to the match and make it a triple threat.

Stills of Asuka coming to Fastlane and challenging Charlotte for Wrestlemania.

Hideo Itami/Akira Tozawa vs. Jack Gallagher/TJP

Dang we’ve got the big name Cruiserweights tonight. Gallagher and Tozawa get things going and Jack actually gives him a clean break. Tozawa, while screaming, kicks him in the chest and gets two off the backsplash. Hideo and TJP come in with the latter taking it to the mat and hammering away at the back of the head. Itami knees him down though and we take an abrupt break. Back with Itami getting two off a fisherman’s suplex as everything breaks down. Itami’s running corner dropkick sets up the top rope backsplash to give Tozawa the pin at 6:27. Not enough shown to rate but it was quick fun.

Video on the Ultimate Deletion.

We see the last minute and a half of the tag team battle royal.

Overall Rating: C. It’s kind of awesome to see the Wrestlemania hype train leaving the station as it’s long overdue. There was a bunch of big time stuff going on this week and it was nice to have things feel important again. The wrestling here obviously wasn’t the point but they did a great job of filling in the gaps between what really mattered.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6