I took in the Raw house show last night at Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky. The featured attraction this time around was John Cena, who was making a rare house show appearance. However, this wasn’t mentioned on TV commercials until the week of the show, despite the announcement being made on WWE.com over three weeks ago. The crowd was solid enough for a Sunday house show but I have to think advertising Cena as a major attraction would have helped.
The show was scheduled to start at 7pm and actually kicked off a minute or so early. It was a fairly strong turnout with the upper deck completely tarped off but that’s standard for a place the size of Rupp Arena. It should be noted that Rupp Arena is the largest arena in the United States built for basketball with over 23,000 seats. Therefore, even a crowd that is only half full would be a solid showing elsewhere.
1. Apollo Crews/Heath Slater/Rhyno b. Curt Hawkins/Anderson and Gallows (5:50) C-.
This was exactly the opener you would have wanted with the faces being incredibly popular and everyone going nuts for Slater and Rhyno. Crews is a fine face with the athleticism and Titus makes for a solid manager who knows how to fire up a crowd. You don’t come off as professional as he does and not have some kind of use, even if it’s just a spot as a manager. The best note of this was Anderson beating Slater up and shouting that he has kids too. Rhyno hit a spinebuster on Hawkins for the pin.
2. Goldust b. R-Truth (1:18)
This was another good choice to fire the crowd up but the ending was really sudden. Truth beat the heck out of Goldust for about a minute but charged into a boot and got rolled up for the pin with feet on the ropes. After it was over, Truth promised to get back at Goldust. Nothing to see here but Truth’s song fired up the crowd.
3. Akira Tozawa b. Brian Kendrick (8:26) B-.
This might have been the match of the night, which isn’t really saying much on a show like this. Tozawa got the crowd going again (notice a pattern here) with the shouting and there was a great near fall off a kick to Kendrick’s head. Tozawa won with the top rope backsplash after escaping the Captain’s Hook. No Titus here, despite Tozawa signing with Titus Worldwide. The problem here continues to be very simple though: no one cares about the cruiserweights and there’s no real way around it.
4. Finn Balor b. Elias Samson (8:39) C.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I have no idea why Finn Balor’s isn’t World Champion like, now. The guy is an absolute star and comes off exactly as such with the fans eating up everything he does. He has a good look, his matches are solid and his entrance is outstanding. Throw in the Demon King when the time is right and he’s pure money. This was longer than it needed to be with Samson in control for the most par. Balor made the comeback you would expect him to make and finished with the Coup de Grace.
5. Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins b. Miztourage (14:45) B-.
I love lackeys. They can help extend both a feud and a character so much just by having people there to fight instead of doing the same match over and over again. That was the case here as Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas said Miz was too busy for a town like Lexington and they were representing him instead. Axel got in a great line: “I’m not saying Kentucky sucks. I’m saying LEXINGTON, Kentucky sucks.”
The place went coconuts for Rollins when he was the surprise (Kind of?) partner for Ambrose. I still think he could easily be the next Jeff Hardy and the reaction he received here only reinforce that theory. This was a longer match than you would expect and went about as you would have guessed. The Miztourage are fine heels and can go in the ring, making me all the sadder that Axel was wasted for so many years. Ambrose won with Dirty Deeds to Dallas in an energetic match.
Intermission. Two kids got to play the What Happens Next game and thankfully they didn’t go with the Vince dying clip. After the kids got it right, they received a program, a WWE Top Ten book, the Best of the 2000s DVD, a shirt, every autographed poster for sale, and probably something else that I’m forgetting. Not bad at all for a single night.
6. Mickie James/Dana Brooke b. Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax (6:55) D+.
And then the crowd died when they realized Bayley and Sasha Banks weren’t here. I’m a bigger Brooke fan than most but sweet goodness people did not care about these two against the top heels. The match wasn’t even very good either with the lone highlight (aside from Alexa of course) being Bliss not being able to whip Jax into the corner for a splash and just giving up. Mickie kicked Bliss in the face for the surprising pin.
7. Sheamus/Cesaro b. Hardy Boyz (12:32) C+.
The Hardys got the pop of the night but unfortunately the match was about the same thing these teams have been doing for months now. Jeff had his facepaint back and Matt was doing the DELETE pose fairly often. The match was perfectly watchable and the crowd was WAY into everything the Hardys were doing all match long. Sheamus snapped Matt’s throat across the top rope so Cesaro could grab a small package to retain the titles.
8. John Cena b. Bray Wyatt (14:08) C.
Much like the previous match, this was exactly what you would expect from these two. Cena got a great reaction and easily the second biggest of the night. Above all else though, I couldn’t get over how sad it is that Bray has gone from an awesome cult leader to a homeless guy who swings a lantern around. He’s completely lacking direction and it’s been sad to watch for a good while now. The ref got bumped so there was no one to see Bray tap to the STF. A low blow gave Wyatt two (with the kids losing their minds on the kickout), followed by an AA for the pin.
A Smackdown Live taping was announced for November, though I had originally heard of this as a Raw. They put tickets on sale for one night so I picked up a similar seat for the exact same price as the house show. You would think the TV aspect and a more important show would raise prices/mean the house show should have been lower but not so much. There were probably 100 people in line to buy tickets but if there are four months before the show, the low pre-sale isn’t a surprise.
Overall it was a fun night with a VERY hot crowd. The faces mostly won and it was more than entertaining enough. Two tickets in the lower arena (sixth row in the first set of seats off the floor) were $75 total so it was hardly expensive as another nice perk. Good show and a lot of fun, which to be fair was helped by it being five minutes from my house.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Smackdown – February 13, 2003: They Have a Way Out
Smackdown Date: February 13, 2003 Location: Centennial Garden, Bakersfield, California Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re less than two weeks away from No Way Out and you can see most of the card from here. The big story coming out of last week is Team Angle, now with a title for each, seemingly getting ready to face Edge/Chris Benoit/Brock Lesnar. Other than that there’s always Rock vs. Hulk Hogan so let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
There’s another crate addressed to Undertaker.
Charlie Haas vs. Edge
Haas has Paul Heyman with him. Edge takes him down into an armbar to start so Charlie hammers away in the corner as they’re doing the opposite of what you would probably expect. Something close to an exploder suplex gives Charlie two, followed by a northern lights suplex for the same.
A double arm crank keeps Edge in trouble for a bit before he pops up with his own suplex to drop Charlie. An enziguri stuns Charlie again and the Edge-O-Matic gets two. Edge gets creative with something like a DDT fisherman’s suplex (basically a fisherman’s suplex without wrapping Haas’ arm around his neck first) for two but Heyman gets on the apron. The spear drops him but Charlie grabs a rollup for the pin.
Rating: C. The ending hurt it a good bit but they’re doing a great job of building up Team Angle. They win more often than not and it keeps them from looking weak. Today, a team like them would probably be jobbing every other week in singles matches while WWE blamed them for their horrible work or something like that.
Nathan Jones will be on Smackdown. Not for long that is but he’ll be here.
Angle is in Stephanie’s office when she comes in. After complimenting her new hair, Angle hands her a rose in a fairly random bit of niceness. He actually goes to kiss her when Brock Lesnar comes in. The staredown ensues so Stephanie announces the six man tag for No Way Out. Angle takes the rose back.
Rikishi vs. Nunzio
Rematch from last week when Nunzio threatened mob connections. Nunzio dives at him before the bell but here are Chuck Palumbo and Johnny the Bull to beat Rikishi down. No match.
Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy
Matt, who always gets more Valentine’s Day cards than his brother, doesn’t send flowers and only gets chocolates, is down from 230lbs to 222lbs, putting him near the cruiserweight limit of 220. Matt is wrestling in a rubber suit to burn more weight in a creative idea. The extra gear seems to mess with him a bit though as he can’t keep up with Rey and gets taken out of the corner with an ankle scissors. A missed charge sends Rey outside though and Shannon Moore gets in a few stomps of his own.
Matt gets two off a gutwrench suplex as Cole suggests Tazz get in one of those rubber suits. Tazz: “Nah Cole I just take a bunch of Stacker II (sponsor at the time)”. A surfboard with Matt’s boot between Rey’s shoulders doesn’t get him very far so it’s off to a torture rack for a bit better result.
Matt seems to be getting winded though and it’s a spring seated senton for no cover. Rey gets two off a springboard split legged moonsault but dives into a Side Effect for the same. Matt is almost completely gassed though and falls to his knees, right into 619 position. The West Coast Pop puts Matt away.
Rating: C+. I like this idea and it gives Matt something to do, which is more than he’s had going on in a long time. If nothing else he’s still good with the comedy and this is a good way for him to showcase those skills. That being said, his Cruiserweight Title shot (providing he loses the weight) has already been announced so he shouldn’t be losing here.
Matt, dripping with sweat, promises to win the title at No Way Out.
We look back at Brian Kendrick’s time in WWE to date.
Kendrick is complaining about his bad luck to Sean O’Haire when Bill DeMott comes up. DeMott doesn’t want to hear about it and beats Kendrick up until O’Haire gets in Bill’s face for the save.
Chris Benoit vs. A-Train
A-Train tries to take Benoit into the corner to intimidate him. Why he thinks this would work isn’t clear and he has to get to the ropes to avoid the Crossface. A-Train slams him down on the ribs and drops an elbow for good measure. A modified Gory Stretch (with a reverse full nelson instead of pulling on the chin) sets up a modified Widow’s Peak. A-Train gets two off a Vader Bomb but Benoit slips out of the torture rack. Some good looking German suplexes (Benoit got him WAY up) have A-Train reeling but the Swan Dive misses. The bicycle kick gets two and it’s time for the Derailer, only to have Benoit reverse into the Crossface for the tap.
Rating: C. They were beating the heck out of each other here but Benoit was the right choice to carry things as A-Train did all of his power offense. This also helps Benoit going into the pay per view as he’s beating people he should beat. A-Train’s push continues to be all over the place but at least he’s not beating people he shouldn’t be.
The Girls Gone Wild boss comes up to Torrie Wilson to offer her a spot on his pay per view special. Torrie agrees, promising to get very wild.
We recap Big Show attacking Undertaker four months ago.
Heyman is in the ring with the crate and hopes Undertaker won’t destroy this present like he did to the man of love last week. Cue Undertaker with Heyman immediately looking nervous. Heyman leaves in a hurry and it’s…..Kanyon in the box. For some reason he’s dressed as Boy George and belts out a little Culture Club. Kanyon: “WHO BETTER THAN KANYON???” Tazz: “That guy looks familiar!” Kanyon gets in some offense but the beatdown is on in a hurry. Undertaker beats on him with a chair as Heyman begs for mercy.
Matt is wearing himself out on an exercise bike to lose more weight.
Funaki is with John Cena and tries to look like a rapper. Cena schools him a bit.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin
Joined in progress with Eddie getting out of a top wristlock and snapmaring him to the mat. Back up and a powerslam gives Shelton two, followed by an electric chair for the same. They’re certainly working the amateur stuff here, which is easily the best idea for both of them at this point. Shelton grabs a chinlock for a bit, followed by a very high backdrop for two. A belly to belly gives Eddie two in some of his first significant offense. They head to the corner with Eddie getting in a sunset bomb but missing the frog splash. Shelton is right back up with the Dragon Whip for the clean pin.
Rating: B. That’s quite the performance from someone who has such little main roster experience. Eddie helped a lot of course and it was very nice to see Shelton get in a ton of offense like this. It’s not like Eddie is going to lose anything from this match while Shelton gets a big rub. Good stuff.
LONG video on Rock vs. Hogan, recapping their feud from last year and show of respect after the showdown at Wrestlemania. Now they’re fighting again because Hogan is feuding with Vince, who brought Rock back for the match. In other words, the Rock is now just a soldier in Vince’s army against Hogan, who he’s fighting with because…..I have no idea. This is missing from the WWE Network for some reason.
Hugh Hefner tells us that a WWE Diva will be in Playboy soon.
Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie
Bra and panties match with a bunch of Valentine’s Day stuff in the ring. During the entrances, Tazz thinks it’s going to be Stephanie in Playboy. That might not be the best idea in 2003. Dawn, who is wrestling in a sports bra in the first place, jumps her from behind and takes the shirt off to choke away. Torrie dropkicks her to the floor and gets Dawn’s top off, revealing a smaller bra. Dawn’s pants come halfway down before they try some rollups for the sake of camera shots.
Rating: D-. I can’t call them failures based on how they looked but sweet goodness these things do not hold up well. If nothing else it feels out of place when you have Team Angle and Eddie Guerrero on the show, making this quite the downgrade. They’re embarrassing as a wrestling fan and, given that Torrie would be in Playboy in a few months, would become even more obsolete in a hurry.
Nidia runs in post match but Torrie beats both heels down, gets Nidia’s pants off and spanks her a bit.
Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena
Brock leaves a chair out for Angle in case he’d like to come to ringside. Cena’s rap isn’t his best work as he calls Lesnar muscular and stupid. Brock beats him down in a hurry and gets in a hard backbreaker. The belly to belly suplex sends Cena out to the floor and Lesnar does it again for good measure. Brock rips off a turnbuckle pad for no apparent reason and Cena blasts him with the chain for two.
Cena grabs a rear naked choke of all things and even holds on despite being rammed hard into the buckle. Since that doesn’t work, Brock picks him up and rams him into two buckles for the break instead. Brock unloads with shoulders to the ribs in the corner and the third belly to belly (so it happened back then too). The F5 is enough for the pin.
Rating: B-. These two have always had a chemistry together and they’re always entertaining to watch as a result. Lesnar was way ahead of Cena at this point but you could see the potential in Cena starting to come out. The match was competitive and Cena got to show off a bit, which he needs at this point.
Post match Lesnar calls Angle out because he wants to do this right now. With Kurt not coming, Lesnar F5’s Cena into the post. We cut to Kurt in the back, eventually getting sick of this and coming out to the arena. Post break and here’s the champ to say they’ll give the fans the best match ever. Angle gets in Brock’s face but says not tonight. Bakersfield doesn’t deserve it and he has a sinus infection. Angle is willing to do it next week so Brock agrees before taking Angle down with a clothesline. Brock loads up the F5 into the post but has to deal with Team Angle. Lesnar stands tall to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. This was a solid wrestling show for the most part, assuming you ignore the women’s stuff. No Way Out is looking hit or miss from the Smackdown side but at least we have the good TV leading up. I’m sure the fact that Hogan wasn’t on the show had nothing to do with the quality going up either. That match is really starting to stick out as a bad idea, though Scott Steiner vs. HHH will make sure it’s not the worst thing on the pay per view. It’s a good Smackdown this week though and that’s always welcome.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Smackdown – July 11, 2017: Wake Me When The Battle Is On
First off, Happy Anniversary Becca. Thanks for the first two of many.
Smackdown Date: July 11, 2017 Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield
We’re less than two weeks away from Battleground and we don’t know much about the card yet. The big story so far is the Punjabi Prison match with Smackdown World Champion Jinder Mahal defending against Randy Orton, but Orton is off filming a movie. With that feud temporarily on the shelf, we’ll look at AJ Styles, who won the US Title over the weekend in a big surprise. Let’s get to it.
We open with a look at last week’s battle royal with AJ winning a shot at Kevin Owens and the US Title. Styles then won the title at Madison Square Garden at a house show over the weekend.
Opening sequence.
Here’s AJ to open things up, saying his face is an upgrade for the Face of America. Styles talks about the Open Challenge that Owens used to issue and thinks he should have one of his own. The Challenge is on and……here’s John Cena. John wants the shot right now and AJ is more than game. We hit the Big Match Intros but cue Owens to interrupt before the bell.
Owens says no one wants Cena around here anymore because his time is over. John says the usual: if you want him gone, get rid of him. Rusev runs in from behind and takes Cena down, leaving Owens to powerbomb AJ. Cena gets caught in the Accolade and the villains stand tall.
The obvious tag match is set.
Jinder Mahal vs. Tye Dillinger
Non-title. Tye starts fast and sends Mahal into the corner, setting up a springboard high crossbody, only to get caught with a clothesline. Jinder hammers him down and chokes on the ropes a bit as we take an early break. Back with Tye shoving him away and firing off his left hands in the corner, only to eat a running knee to the face. The Khallas gives Mahal the pin at 6:40.
Rating: D. And so much for Dillinger. You had a nice moment with the debut and the TEN chants but now you’re getting squashed by the guy who was the squashee until a few months back. There really didn’t need to be a break in the middle of this as it merely showed how lame most of Mahal’s offense is. As usual, that’s the big problem with Mahal: he’s nothing beyond average and there’s not much away around it.
Mahal talks about bringing diversity and having 1.3 billion people behind him. He’ll take care of Orton next week when he brings the Punjabi Prison.
Jey Uso vs. Xavier Woods
Woods hits a few forearms to the back but gets sent into the corner early on. New Day protests and it’s a triple ejection with Kofi, Big E. and Jimmy being tossed. A quick superkick gets two on Woods but the Superfly Splash hits knees. Woods comes right back with the really long top rope elbow for the pin at 2:18.
The women’s division is in the locker room trying to find out who is getting the next title shot. Charlotte threatens a ruckus if it’s Lana so Shane McMahon makes a five way elimination match for Battleground. Hostilities seem imminent so he makes Charlotte/Becky Lynch vs. Tamina/Natalya. The rest of the women leave so Carmella comes in and demands that James Ellsworth be reinstated as per orders from her attorney. Shane rips up her request.
Baron Corbin isn’t worried about Shinsuke Nakamura and says it’s going to be sayonara tonight.
Baron Corbin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Nakamura jumps him in the aisle and since this is an angle, referees break it up instead of letting the match happen. Odds are we’ll see this at Battleground.
Cena comes up to Styles in the back to talk about the US Open Challenge. Styles wants some payback from the Royal Rumble but they’ll have each others back tonight.
Cedric Alexander tells us to watch his I Quit match against Noam Dar on 205 Live.
Becky Lynch/Charlotte vs. Tamina/Natalya
Becky trips Tamina up and drops a spinning leg before handing it off to Charlotte. That doesn’t go as well as Charlotte gets taken into the corner for a stomping, only to nip up and chop away. The Bexploder sends Natalya to the floor but she sends Becky into the steps as we take a break.
Back with Becky fighting out of a chinlock but not being able to get over to Charlotte. Becky kicks away from the Sharpshooter and now it’s off to Charlotte for the chops. House is quickly cleaned but Lana pops up onto the apron for a distraction. Natalya uses the distraction to make a blind tag, allowing Tamina to get in the superkick for the pin on Charlotte at 8:40.
Rating: D+. Just a standard tag match here as Lana and Tamina get some momentum. The Smackdown women’s division is suddenly feeling rather inferior to the Raw counterpart as they seem to be trying to make new stars instead of running with what they have. It doesn’t help that two of the heels, Natalya and Tamina in this case, are black holes of charisma.
Maria Kanellis looks for Sami Zayn for the sake of an apology but no one has seen him.
Post break Sami interrupts Mike and Maria and says he won’t be apologizing. He’s been busy trying to have wrestling matches but keeps having to skirt around the two of them. Sami asks which one of them is the fighter so Maria slaps him in the face. Mike busts a vase over Sami’s head.
It’s time for Runway Walker: Texas Rangers, meaning a new version of the Fashion Files, complete with Chuck Norris clips from Survivor Series 1994. They’re in cowboy gear this year with Tyler wanting to lasso someone so they have to tell the truth like Wonder Woman. Fandango distracts Zack Ryder but Breeze lassos himself by mistake.
This makes him tell the truth, including that he wears a bra while going undercover because he’s no hippie. Mojo Rawley comes up and asks what he just stumbled into. Fandango suggests that the Hype Bros jumped them but Mojo says they wouldn’t do something shady like that.
Ryder calls Mojo eliminating him last week shady but Mojo says it was a battle royal. Ryder thinks it’s time to get back to reality and seems to suggest that Breezango does the same. In the melee, someone has stolen Fandango’s (stick) horse but they can’t decide if it was ghosts or aliens. Together: “GHOST ALIENS!” Next week: The Fashion X Files. Seriously.
Rusev/Kevin Owens vs. John Cena/AJ Styles
Rusev headlocks Cena to start and drops him without much effort, meaning it’s time to wave the Bulgarian flag. It’s off to Owens for some choking before Rusev punches Cena in the face. Back with Rusev spinwheel kicking Cena down but missing the middle rope headbutt. The hot tag brings in Styles for a quick Calf Crusher, only to have Rusev take him down again.
Owens comes in to stomp away and we hit the chinlock. The limping Rusev comes back in with the bearhug, which JBL says won Bruno Sammartino the World Title in 35 seconds in 1963 (it was a backbreaker in 48 seconds but the year is right). Styles escapes and comes in with the usual, including the Shuffle to Owens. Rusev eats the Phenomenal Forearm and it’s the AA to pin Owens at 13:09.
Rating: C. Just a main event tag here but good enough while it lasted. For the sake of the ending here, I’m glad Owens lost the title so having him take the fall isn’t the worst thing in the world. The match was perfectly fine and a good way to have two feuds together in one, though I’m only somewhat interested in Cena vs. Rusev at the pay per view.
Cena and Styles celebrate but have a staredown with Cena looking at the US Title. Cena holds up AJ’s hand to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. Pretty much a skippable show here as there were a few things added to the pay per view card but it doesn’t feel like much of an event. Then again, given some of the stuff we might be seeing at Summerslam, I could easily live with watching a lackluster show like Battleground to get there. Nothing special this week, but there are far worse ways to spend two hours.
Results
Jinder Mahal b. Tye Dillinger – Khallas
Xavier Woods b. Jey Uso – Top rope elbow
Tamina/Natalya b. Becky Lynch/Charlotte – Superkick to Charlotte
John Cena/AJ Styles b. Rusev/Kevin Owens – AA to Owens
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Smackdown – July 4, 2017: Johnny Cena And the News
Smackdown Date: July 4, 2017 Location: Talking Stick Resort Arena, Phoenix, Arizona Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
Welcome home Johnny! After weeks of hype, John Cena is making his return to WWE TV tonight. This is the first time Cena has been seen since Wrestlemania XXXIII and there’s no real indication of what he’ll be doing. Since Cena can appear on either show, this might be something of note or just a glorified one off appearance. Let’s get to it.
The opening video looks at Cena.
There’s no time wasted as Cena is right here to open the show. The fans are all over him but he tells them to let him have it because he’s WAY too fired up to be rattled tonight. Cena talks about the importance of Independence Day and talks about the American Dream (no not Dusty).
The same idea holds true here: everyone has a chance to come out here and compete with the best. Lately, a lot of people have been out here running their mouths talking about Cena going Hollywood and becoming little more than a part time mascot. Cena is an all-timer because he’ll show up on Raw or Smackdown to face anyone from AJ Styles to Jinder Mahal to Seth Rollins to Roman Reigns and anyone in between.
Cue the returning Rusev to say he works just as hard in the ring as anyone but he hasn’t had any commercials hyping up his return. The American Dream, just like Cena’s return, is a joke. Rusev rips on the Fourth of July and gets drowned out with a USA chant. Cena issues a challenge for a Flag Match but Rusev says we do this on his time and his terms. Rusev walks away so Cena starts a USA chant/song. Cena beating up a foreigner on the Fourth of July is as much of a layup as you can have and that’s perfectly acceptable.
Chad Gable and AJ Styles come in to see Daniel Bryan, who says Kevin Owens doesn’t want either of them in the battle royal because he’s beaten both of them. Bryan kind of agrees so the two of them will be fighting each other for the right to be in the battle royal instead.
Chad Gable vs. AJ Styles
No Jason Jordan in sight. Feeling out process to start with AJ easily being taken down but popping up for his dropkick to send us to a break less than a minute and a half in. Back with AJ blocking a belly to belly superplex attempt. The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up but Gable misses a moonsault attempt. AJ gets the Calf Crusher for a bit but Gable twists out and plants him with a German suplex. Not that it matters as AJ is sent to the apron and hits the Phenomenal Forearm for the pin at 8:11.
Rating: C+. Better match than I was expecting here though I’m curious if Jordan is hurt or something. That’s two singles matches for Gable in a row and we haven’t seen American Alpha in the ring in at least a month. I hope they’re not being split up or anything as Raw is dying for face teams and Alpha would be a great fit.
AJ helps him up post match.
Mojo Rawley looks at a Hype Bros shirt and doesn’t seem pleased. Zack Ryder comes in and says it’s cool because they’re both in the battle royal. That seems to smooth things over a bit.
Here are Carmella and James Ellsworth to brag about winning Money in the Bank again. Carmella laughs off the idea of the fans having their wrongs righted last week and goes Rolling Stones with a little You Can’t Always Get What You Want. Cue Naomi and the BELT HAS LED LIGHTS. That’s up there with the spinner title on the dumb scale. Naomi says her eyes are always open so the cash-in won’t work.
This brings out Daniel Bryan who tells Ellsworth to shut up. Due to what he did last week, he’s banned from the arena again, but as a bonus he’s fined $10,000 and suspended for thirty days without pay. If he doesn’t leave RIGHT NOW, Carmella loses the contract. They immediately leave, as you might expect. Thank goodness they addressed Ellsworth coming back in last week. This should wrap it up too and that’s the best thing possible.
Women’s Title: Lana vs. Naomi
Naomi is defending and grabs her reverse Rings of Saturn for the tap out at 11 seconds.
Post match Tamina comes out to stare Naomi down and leaves with Lana. Nope. Don’t even try to give Lana some kind of story or angle now. Not after you spend two months building her up with vignettes and then have her lose twice in less than a minute combined. I have no idea what the point was in building her up like that but if this is some nonsense about how she didn’t work hard enough or whatever, screw off WWE and get your nonsense in order. Or, you know, WRITE HER OFF TV INSTEAD OF KILLING HER LIKE THIS.
Baron Corbin jumps Shinsuke Nakamura with the briefcase.
It’s time for the Rap Off with rapper Wale in charge. Both the Usos and New Day have groups of people with them and trade insults about size, fake Jamaican accents, staying in your lane and the Usos being nothing until Naomi put them on Total Divas. A fight almost breaks out so Wale disqualifies the Usos to give New Day the win after nearly twelve minutes of rapping/rhyming back and forth. I know that’s a short recap but there’s really nothing else that can be said when it’s just talking back and forth.
Randy Orton vs. Aiden English
Aiden gets annoyed at Randy for interrupting his song and jumps him from behind. Before he can sing again though, we hit a commercial. The match is joined in progress with Orton beating the heck out of English, including dropping him back first onto the announcers’ table. The hanging DDT to the floor makes things even worse and Orton hits him with the steps for the DQ at 2:19.
English takes a post match RKO and here are Mahal and company with something to say. He talks about how everyone disrespects him because of the color of his skin but before he can speak Punjabi, Orton cuts him off and threatens to RKO Mahal back to India. Nobody likes Mahal because he’s a jacka**…and that’s it.
Tye Dillinger is interviewed by Tyler Breeze in drag. Tyler, or Te-Nee Young asks what Tye is going to do to deal with the quadruple threat of Breezango. Dillinger gives a basic strategy and nearly runs into Fandango, who is wearing a fake mustache and dressed like a construction worker. Fandango and Breeze are of course bros forever, no matter how physical things get tonight. They’ve got something with this Breeze/Fandango things and that’s likely grounds for running them into the ground asap.
Renee Young (who says Te-Nee Young was filling out the dress) interviews Mike and Maria Kanellis about the power of love. A noise interrupts them and it’s Sami Zayn stretching. He talks about the Power of Love and goes into a discussion of Huey Louis and the News. As Sami wonders why you never hear about the News, his music hits and he has to run off. Maria is not pleased.
Battle Royal
Sami Zayn, Konnor, Viktor, Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, Mojo Rawley, Zack Ryder, Erick Rowan, Fandango, Tyler Breeze, AJ Styles, Tye Dillinger, Sin Cara
Winner gets a shot at Kevin Owens, on commentary here, and the US Title at Battleground. I think I have everyone in there but that’s always hard to pull off due to the constant camera cuts. Harper clotheslines Ziggler out before the vest can even come off. We take an early break and come back with Rowan eliminating Fandango.
Breeze is thrown to the apron and jumps into Fandango’s arms before being placed back inside. That’s fine with Rowan who dumps him a few seconds later. Harper knocks out Konnor but gets dumped by Rawley. We’re down to Ryder, Rawley, Rowan, Dillinger, Styles and Zayn. The Hype Bros nearly get into it but team up to dump Rowan. Rawley throws Ryder out and says it’s not personal. Ryder seems to take it personally though and doesn’t seem to mind when Sami kicks Rawley out.
So we’re down to three with Tye stomping on Styles and Sami, in increments of ten of course. Tye sends both of them to the apron but Sami backdrops Dillinger out to get us down to two. Sami grabs a quick exploder on Styles but misses the Helluva Kick and gets Pele Kicked out to give AJ the win at 11:18.
Rating: C. This was better than your average battle royal as they got rid of most of the nothing guys early and got down to people fans care about. Styles winning was obvious but they kept things moving and it was far from bad. The fans would have been happy with any of the final three so it was hardly torture.
Owens hits the ring and beats Styles down, only to have AJ knock him to the floor and hold up the title to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Tonight was a completely skippable show, as it should have been on the major holiday. Save for Cena, who wasn’t around after the first fifteen minutes, nothing of note happened here, assuming you count AJ getting the title shot as important. This was exactly what they should have done tonight though as no one was watching and it gives them a week to put some stuff together.
Results
AJ Styles b. Chad Gable – Phenomenal Forearm
Naomi b. Lana – Reverse Rings of Saturn
Aiden English b. Randy Orton via DQ when Orton used the steps
AJ Styles won a battle royal last eliminating Sami Zayn
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Smackdown Date: January 30, 2003 Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re getting closer to No Way Out and the big story is the return of Hulk Hogan, who showed up last week and punched out Vince McMahon. Other than that we have the far less important story of Brock Lesnar chasing Kurt Angle and the Smackdown World Title. You know, that secondary issue. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Vince vs. Hogan. Stephanie announcing that she had a surprise last week is included, solely for the purpose of getting Stephanie on TV.
Opening sequence.
A-Train vs. Rey Mysterio
Mysterio tries a 619 as A-Train gets in but settles for a dropkick off the apron before the bell. A spinning crossbody is easily caught and A-Train hammers away, only to get kicked in the face for his efforts. Rey gets two off a running dropkick but the Derailer cuts him in half for two.
Cole talks out the referee’s birthday because he’s running out of things to talk about less than three minutes into a match. A full nelson with Rey’s legs wrapped around A-Train’s thighs slows him down until Mysterio spins out and gets a DDT. Not that it matters as A-Train hits the bicycle kick and finishes with the Train Wreck (over the shoulder kneeling backbreaker).
Rating: D. I was hoping that last week’s loss in the tag match was the end of A-Train but we’re just lucky enough to get more of him. I mean….have you seen the size of his head? What I want to know though is why he’d use a move called the Train Wreck when he’s the train. Wouldn’t that be something a bit self destructive?
Paul Heyman says Big Show won’t be facing Big Show tonight because Big Show has the night off.
Eddie Guerrero vs. John Cena
Cena cuts a fairly racist rap with almost every Mexican stereotype you can think of. Oh and overweight girls are bad at dodgeball. Eddie slugs him down in the corner and throws Cena outside for some cheating from Chavo. Back in and Cena tosses him into the air for a crash as Tazz compliments his rapping skills. Now it’s Red Dogg getting in a few shots of his own but the fans chant for Eddie anyway. What a double standard.
Cena shows off the power with a delayed vertical suplex and a side slam for two each. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Eddie fights up, only to have Red Dogg grab his foot. The distraction completely fails as Chavo shoves Cena off the top, setting up one of the best looking frog splashes I’ve ever seen for the pin.
Rating: C-. You could see things starting to click for Cena and that’s a very good sign. Couple that with Eddie being at his normal level of awesome and there’s almost a guarantee that it was going to be entertaining. Unfortunately they didn’t have the time to do anything and Dogg isn’t as entertaining as Buchanan, who was fun in a stupid goofy kind of way.
Heyman has an idea and flags down newcomer Brian Kendrick to help him out.
Vince comes in to see Stephanie and talk about the Hogan return last week. She turns it into a discussion of Eric Bischoff trying to bring back Steve Austin. Stephanie: “Your nemesis!” I love how Stephanie has to explain Steve Austin’s connection to Vince McMahon himself because A, Vince might not remember or B, the fans might not remember. She goes on to explain that Hogan is in fact a legend and tell Vince how awesome he was during the Monday Night Wars. Since there’s really nothing to say to that, Vince says he has a surprise for later. This has been the latest version of NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS.
Shannon Moore vs. Billy Kidman
Non-title. Shannon has Matt Hardy, who thinks that Shannon has an iota of Mattitude and was the longest surviving Smackdown superstar in the Rumble, in his corner. During the entrances we hear about Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie in a Rumble rematch…..on Velocity. Thank goodness they finally took the hint on that one. Kidman gets jumped to start but the threat of a right hand sends Shannon bailing to the floor.
The fans chant WE WANT JEFF as Shannon whips Kidman hard into the corner to set up a chinlock. Kidman fights out of the second chinlock and gets in a jumping elbow to the jaw as things speed up. Something like the Sky High gets two but Shannon hits a running Blockbuster from the side. That just earns him an enziguri and the shooting star gives Kidman the pin.
Rating: C. Shannon was showing some aggression here to play up the idea of having more Mattitude and that’s a good sign for him. He’s certainly not the most intimidating guy in the world so having him be more intense can only do good things for him. Moore always had the in-ring abilities but he needs a strong gimmick to get him anywhere.
Post match Matt lays out Kidman, hopefully giving him a challenger for the title. It would be nice for a change.
Here’s Vince for his surprise. He goes on a long and rather good rant about how Hulkamania is dying and he can’t wait to kill it himself. Hogan can talk about the power of Hulkamania all he wants and wear the red and yellow (Vince: “I still don’t get it.”) but the truth is that Hogan is a bloodsucking bottom feeder who is a manipulating businessman. What Hulk doesn’t want you to know is that Vince created Hogan and Hulkamania itself. That gets Vince to No Way Out, where Hogan will be going one on one with the Rock. Speaking of the Rock, here he is…..via satellite of course.
Rock immediately goes a bit heelish by ripping on Green Bay being way too cold for him to show up. The reality is that Rock doesn’t answer to Vince because he belongs to the people. Rock is going to bring the electricity like he brought at Wrestlemania where records were broken. At No Way Out, you’re going to have the biggest star of all time and on the other hand there’s Hulk Hogan.
When they meet again, Hogan is going to Hulk Up and Rock won’t be able to care less. It’s going to be Wrestlemania all over again with Hogan taking a beating, if you smell what he’s cooking. Rock was sprinkling the heel attitude throughout the promo but was getting cheered anyway. The key here was he didn’t go full blast with it, meaning he’ll be inching into his new attitude instead. You don’t get that enough and it takes someone as good as Rock to really pull it off.
Bill DeMott vs. Rikishi
It’s the rubber match! Why this warranted a second match, let alone a third, is beyond me. Rikishi grabs a headlock as the announcers talk about the Tough Enough match on Raw. DeMott sends him shoulder first into the post and grabs an abdominal stretch. Does that work when there’s so much gut there to pull on? A slam makes the ribs worse but the moonsault is countered with an electric chair. Rikishi superkicks him down and tries a DDT but DeMott grabs the ropes to send Rikishi crashing down. A cover with DeMott laying on the ropes gives him the pin.
Rating: D-. The ending here made things even worse than they would have been on their own. DeMott is going absolutely nowhere as this heel turn is a disaster so far. Having him beat up the cruiserweights was fine enough but you knew he was done as soon as they started having him trade wins with Rikishi of all people. Thankfully this is pretty much it for DeMott, who would have two more matches on Smackdown for the year while being shunted down to Velocity instead.
Undertaker comes out almost immediately after the match with DeMott bailing. After a break, Undertaker is sitting on the steps, saying this is where he’s supposed to say all the things he’s going to do to Big Show. Forget that though because we need to just shut up and fight. It’s Heyman instead though, reminding us that Show isn’t here tonight. Show has a message for Undertaker though and here’s Kendrick on a kid’s bicycle in a singing telegram outfit.
Undertaker has about as much of this as you would expect but tells Kendrick to do whatever he’s supposed to. Kendrick “sings” something about Big Show never doing something (he wasn’t easy to understand) so Undertaker threatens Heyman. Brian actually asks for a tip…..and gets $100! Undertaker has him sing again and the beating is on in a hurry. Naturally Undertaker takes the money back. Well to be fair Kendrick was off key.
Kurt Angle gives his team a pep talk, even quoting Vince Lombardi but making sure to insult the Green Bay Packers to avoid the face reaction. I would list off what Kurt says but I’m too distracted by how sweet those track suits are. The gist of it: win at any costs.
Video on Brock Lesnar, which is basically just an edited version of his talk from last week.
Sean O’Haire tells us to drink and smoke.
Team Angle vs. Edge/Chris Benoit
The winners get a title shot next week and Angle sits in on commentary. Kurt: “They call me Captain Kurt.” Cole: “How’s Mr. Spock?” Benoit takes over on Haas to start and chops away in the corner. Benjamin comes in for a gutbuster because he’s better than Haas. Shelton misses a charge so it’s off to Edge as the pace picks way up. With his team in trouble, Angle gets up on the apron but gets speared right back down. Why Edge spearing the title doesn’t cause him damage isn’t clear but whatever.
The house cleaning continues with Edge missile dropkicking Benjamin for two and we take a break. Back with Benoit stomping on Benjamin and Edge starting in on Charlie’s shoulder. An armbar cuts off Charlie’s comeback but Benoit can’t get the Crossface. Coach Kurt talks Charlie to his feet for a belly to belly though and the Angleites take over.
Shelton starts in on the knee and Charlie works on a leglock. A reverse Figure Four keeps Edge in trouble, much to Edge’s delight. Shelton cannonballs down onto the leg and grabs a regular Figure Four. Benoit comes in and breaks it up by hitting Benjamin in the head, only to have Haas grab a Figure Four of his own.
He’s no Shelton though so Edge gets out and sends him into the corner for the hot tag to Benoit. Chris starts rolling the German suplexes and Swan Dives Shelton for two. The Crossface is broken up and Angle hits Benoit with the title to give Shelton the pin and the title shot.
Rating: B. Good stuff here, like it would have been anything else. Team Angle has taken to the ring very smoothly and it makes for some very entertaining matches. I’m glad they went with the regular team instead of another two man combination who teams together when they need to. Kurt cheating to win is the right move here too as it plays off the speech he gave to them earlier.
Overall Rating: D+. Strong main event aside, there’s not enough here to really get excited about. Hogan vs. Rock should be good but watching stuff like A-Train wreck Mysterio and DeMott vs. Rikishi, followed by Undertaker beating up a guy just trying to make a living isn’t exactly thrilling TV. The talking really hurt things this week and there’s only so much that one really good match can do to counter that.
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NJPW Dominion 6-11: John Cena Wishes He Could Spam Moves Like This
Dominion 6:11 Date: June 11, 2017 Location: Osaka-Jo Hall, Osaka, Japan Attendance: 11,756 Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Don Callis
So I’ve been trying to mix things up a bit with my style and this has been a requested show. Somehow having something up ten days late is a good sign for me, though given that I hadn’t planned on watching the show until about a week after it aired, this might not be too bad. The main event here is Kenny Omega vs. Kazuchika Okada II in a rematch from their non-six star match at Wrestle Kingdom XI. Let’s get to it.
As usual, keep in mind that I only watch a little bit of New Japan every year so I’m not going to know all of the details coming in. This is much more of an outsider’s perspective, though I do keep up with the company to a certain degree.
Pre-Show: David Finlay/Shota Umino/Tomoyuki Oka vs. Hirai Kawato/Katsuya Kitamura/Tetsuhiro Yagi
These are Young Lions, meaning…..well I think you can tell by the name. Finlay (who isn’t a Young Lion) is the only name I recognize so this could be quite the mess. Yagi and Shota strike it out to start and WHY ARE THEY ALL WEARING BLACK TRUNKS??? Come on it’s already hard enough to keep track of who is who in the first place (yes I’m aware it’s probably something like they have to earn their individuality or something) and now this.
It’s off to Finlay (thank goodness for the red trunks) vs. Kawato with the latter hitting a missile dropkick for two. Oka comes in for a slam and we hit something like a choke. Oka and Kitamura, the big power guys trade shoulder blocks, with both guys reeling back in pain for a nice touch.
Kitamura gets in a spear and gutwrench suplex but a chop puts him down for two. The tag brings in Finlay to get beaten up by….I think Kawato? Would a name on the trunks really be that much to ask? Finlay gets triple teamed and caught in a Boston crab but everything breaks down on the save. An uppercut gives Finlay two on Kawato and a Stunner is enough to put him away at 7:41.
Rating: C-. Totally watchable match here, assuming you don’t mind the lack of characters or needing picture ID’s to tell everyone apart. Then again it’s just a pre-show match so I don’t think they’re going for anything mind blowing here. Worry not though as you can feel the main event being over rated from here so I think the mind blowing part is going to be well covered.
Before we wrap up the pre-show, Callis promises seven stars in the main event. Unless Trent Seven is involved, let it go already.
As is tradition, the opening video goes on for the better part of a Ken Burns documentary and shows all the people in the major matches without a word of English to be found. That’s not meant as a criticism as this is primarily for the Japanese audience and the English commentary is usually quite good at explaining the basics.
Tiger Mask/Tiger Mask W/Togi Makabe/Yuji Nagata vs. Hiroshi Tenzan/Jushin Thunder Liger/Manabu Nakanishi/Satoshi Kojima
At least they’re in different looking gear. Nagata and Nakanishi, the two ancient ones, start things off and I actually checked to make sure I wasn’t watching this at half speed. Nakanishi chops away and refuses to be whipped into the ropes but gets dropkicked in the leg. A spinwheel kick to the head drops Nakanishi and it’s off to Tiger Mask (non-W I believe, meaning the older one) for some kicks.
The younger version comes in to help but Nakanishi is right back with a running chop to the original’s throat. Liger comes in to one heck of a reaction and a tilt-a-whirl slam before it’s off to Kojima. The rapid chops in the corner don’t seem to have much effect but a cutter drops Tiger Mask…..yeah I’m pretty sure it’s the one without the W. A double takedown allows the tag to Nagata (again with no W), who is quickly chopped down by Tenzan.
Yuji grabs a suplex and it’s off to Nakanishi vs. Makabe for the big exchange of power clotheslines. Everything breaks down and it’s a parade of hard shots to the face until Makabe blasts Nakanishi with another clothesline. Makabe’s top rope knee drop (The King Kong knee drop, which should be quite the heel move as I’d bet on this being a GODZILLA crowd. Unless they dislike him destroying their cities all the time, in which case Makabe might be the top star in the company. I’m so confused.) for the pin at 7:04.
Rating: C. I actually liked the first match a bit better but this was still more than good enough. The opening part really was bad though as Nagata vs. Nakanishi really did seem like it was the slowest thing I’ve ever seen. At least you could tell who everyone was here and that’s a major upgrade over the pre-show match.
Never Openweight Six Man Tag Team Titles: Gauntlet Match
Los Ingobernables de Japon (Bushi/Evil/Sanada) are defending but it’s Bullet Club (Bad Luck Fale/Yujiro Takahashi/Hangman Page) vs. Chaos (Yoshi-Hashi/Toru Yano/Tomohiro Ishii) to start. I’ve been watching New Japan for a few years now and these teams seem to have been feuding the entire time.
Yujiro has a parade of good looking women in various stages of limited clothing with him, making him one of the better parts of the show so far. As usual, Yano has merch to hand out/sell, which is a gimmick that gets a little old but still has enough charm. Page kicks Ishii in the face to start and we hit the forearms that have no effect but wrestlers still do them because of strong style or fighting spirit or whatever they call standing there and growling at the moment.
It’s off to Yujiro vs. Hashi with the former biting the hand. Hashi’s running Blockbuster takes over and the monster Fale runs over the rest of Chaos. Fale and Ishii brawl into the crowd (rare around here) with Bad Luck leaving Ishii down but not doing anything to keep him down because he’s not that bright. Page gets two off a bridging fall away slam (Doesn’t that make it just a fall slam?) and everything breaks down again.
A reverse 3D gets two on Hashi as Fale has gone back outside to beat on Ishii again. Yano gets the hot tag and immediately removes a turnbuckle pad as he starts making me think he’s the Japanese Santino Marella. That earns him a beatdown (Someone not liking a comedy guy? Really?) but his partners come in for the save, including Ishii clotheslining Fale to the floor. Yano is right back with a double low blow on Page and Takahashi for the pin on the latter at 6:01.
Suzuki-Gun (Zack Sabre Jr./Yoshinobu Kanemura/Taichi) are in third with Yano sending Zack into the exposed buckle for two. Kanemura grabs a bottle of whiskey but Yano tries another low blow. That just earns him a very British looking rollup from Sabre for the pin at 8:20 total. Taguchi Japan (Ricochet/Juice Robinson/Ryusuke Taguchi) are in fourth and it’s a triple hip attack to start. It’s funny for some reason you see.
Ricochet and Robinson charge into Sabre in the corner and it’s a baseball joke with Robinson’s cannonball acting as the pitch. I’m really hoping that’s something being lost in translation as it feels like a No Way Jose gag (not the worst thing in the world). Sabre’s partners remember they’re in the match and beat on Taguchi, including a soccer style kick as this is one of the weirdest serious matches I’ve ever seen.
Everything breaks down again with Ricochet and Robinson beating the heck out of Sabre, including an elevated shooting star press for two. The rapid alternating continues as Robinson gets triple teamed. You know if any of these teams ever got on the same page, they’d clean house. A Buzzsaw Kick gets two on Juice…..and Taichi takes off his pants. Kanemura is a proponent of the pants and mists Taichi by mistake (I’m sure).
Pulp Friction (Unprettier) ends Taichi at 15:37. We’re not done yet though as Sabre grabs an Octopus Hold on Robinson during most of Los Ingobernables’ entrance. The champs destroy everyone else as this is already looking one sided. Robinson gets elbowed down and a backsplash gives Evil two. A leg lariat drops Sanada and the hot tag brings in Ricochet to really clean house like only a Kentucky boy can.
Unfortunately he does that stupid spot where he throws two opponents together, forcing one to DDT the other. Ricochet gets clotheslined to the floor so it’s Taguchi with another hip attack. The Tower of Doom puts everyone down again, including Ricochet catching Evil in a sitout powerbomb. Ricochet actually tags Taguchi, who walks right into a Backstabber for two. Everything breaks down again (I’m getting tired of typing that) and it’s Taguchi putting Bushi in an ankle lock. Sanada makes the save with a dragon sleeper though and Bushi adds a middle rope Codebreaker to retain at 23:56.
Rating: C. This was messier than it needed to be and while the last bit was good, it felt like they were just throwing all these people together for the sake of throwing them together. From what I can tell, these titles change hands faster than Impact changes their story about why their audiences never grow. Having this many people in a row wasn’t the best idea but there was some good action to help carry things.
IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Titles: Young Bucks vs. Roppongi Vice
The Bucks are challenging and my goodness the amount of praise they get from commentary is unreal. They’re already the Ring of Honor Tag Team Champions and the Superkick Champions because…..I have no idea really. We’re ready to go after the long weapons check and it’s Berreta vs. Matt to start things off.
The first superkick connects less than thirty seconds in and the Bucks take over in a hurry. A double clothesline drops the challengers and Berreta follows them out with a big running flip dive. Nick grabs Rocky for an apron bomb, followed by driving the back into the post a few times. This is probably as close to psychology as you’re going to get in a Bucks match so enjoy it while you can.
Back in and Berreta gets double teamed as the Vice roles have been reversed since their match at Wrestle Kingdom. Matt grabs a Sharpshooter of all things as a whole new branch of 90s offense is tapped. A wheelbarrow cutter gives Nick two but Matt charges into a double stomp in the corner to give the champ a breather. Rocky is back on the apron, only to have Matt pull him down for a powerbomb onto the ramp. I’m glad they did something else as you can only have someone stay down for so long.
The Swanton to the elevated Berreta on the floor gets two but More Bang For Your Buck is broken up. A Shining Wizard into a piledriver stuns Nick for two but Berreta is spent. Romero finally comes back in for a quick Strong Zero but Nick dives in with a Swanton for the save. Berreta actually makes the tag off to Romero for some house cleaning, including a double hurricanrana and double clothesline. Everything breaks down again and it’s a superkick to Romero, followed by a German suplex onto the apron.
Back in and Romero gets caught in the Sharpshooter with Nick adding a slingshot X Factor for a great cutoff. Somehow Romero powers up and dives over for the break. More Bang For Your Buck is countered into a crucifix for two, followed by a small package out of the Sharpshooter for the same. Berreta gets taken out again though and it’s the Indytaker into the Sharpshooter to make Romero tap away the titles at 14:13.
Rating: B+. That’s pretty easily the best Bucks match that I can remember and SO much of it is due to the lack of superkicks. They were actually having a match here instead of just goofing off and doing all their shenanigans. That makes them even more frustrating: it’s clear that they can do something great here with working the back and cutting off the partner but instead they go with the easy stuff and ruining the superkick because it’s funny (or something). Very good stuff though and that’s amazingly refreshing.
IWGP Tag Team Titles: Guerillas of Destiny vs. War Machine
War Machine is defending but the Guerillas jump them to start and the beating is on in a hurry. Tama hammers on Rowe and gets in a hard clothesline to drop the much bigger man. As is customary, this means a lot of swearing from the Guerillas but it’s off to Hanson to show off the real power.
Both Guerillas are stacked up on top of each other for the pounding forearms to the chest. The fans actually seem to like War Machine better as Hanson gets splashed in the corner. Hanson turns Loa inside out with a clothesline of his own and it’s back to Rowe. Loa laughs like the Joker but gets caught in a Rock Bottom (Loa: “OH S***!”). Everything breaks down again with Hanson getting the better of it and doing his screaming running clotheslines in the corner.
Loa spears Rowe and hits….something like a swinging reverse DDT on Hanson. Tama and Rowe slug it out until Loa comes back in with a Blue Thunder Bomb. Hanson is back up and throws Tama at Rowe for a springboard clothesline. Somehow that’s only good for two and Loa breaks up Fallout to save the match.
Rowe breaks up a quick Guerilla Warfare attempt and powerbombs Tama, setting up Hanson’s top rope splash for a rather close two. Back up and Rowe pops Tama up for something but he pulls Hanson down into a cutter. The referee gets bumped and it’s chair time with Rowe getting blasted in the back, setting up Guerilla Warfare (a bad looking elevated DDT) for the pin and the titles at 10:52.
Rating: B-. This company really likes changing its titles at the big shows. That being said, I like both teams as they both feel different enough than most of the people in this promotion. The match wasn’t great but it was certainly entertaining, with the biggest problem being that it came after the Bucks match. At least it was a fun brawl, albeit one with a bad ending.
The new champs pose in the chair after the win.
Cody vs. Michael Elgin
Just a way to get them both on the card here. Cody offers a cartwheel to start but Elgin shoulders him down and shows Cody the proper cartwheeling technique (I hear he won the Nevada state title back in 95). Since it worked so well the first time, Cody hits a vertical suplex, only to have Elgin pick Cody up for an eighteen second version. Callis says it was over thirty, meaning that bad timing skills are also a Canadian/Japanese problem.
It’s time for the loud chops with Cody in big trouble only a few minutes in. Cody finally grabs an Alabama Slam for a breather but he tries chopping Elgin in the corner. It’s Flair vs. Sting all over again, even capped off by Cody cutting him down at the leg to stay in control. The springboard missile dropkick lets Cody taunt him a bit…..so Mike grabs him by the throat for a Rock Bottom. That’ll teach him, or at least it should.
Naturally Mike does Cody’s taunt right back to him before rolling a few German suplexes. A Blue Thunder Bomb gets two but Cody pulls him down into the Trailer Hitch (modified Indian Deathlock) for little effect. Cross Rhodes are broken up but one heck of a clothesline drops Cody. Elgin tries the apron superplex, only to have Cody slip down the back for Cross Rhodes and the pin at 11:52.
Rating: C+. This was your standard formula match with the power vs. athleticism. That’s the kind of formula that is always going to work and there’s nothing wrong with having a match like that fill in about fifteen minutes on the card, especially with people who have serious potential like these two. Nice little match here.
Cody wants Christopher Daniels and Okada
IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title: Kushida vs. Hiromu Takahashi
Kushida is challenging after losing the title to Takahashi and then losing the rematch in less than two minutes. He’s since won the Best of the Super Juniors Tournament to earn another shot. They start fast with Takahashi trying the Time Bomb but settling for an exchange of forearms to the face. The early slugout sends both guys to exhaustion, which really isn’t a good sign in what is likely to be a long match.
They chop it out again with neither getting much of an advantage again. Takahashi sends him flying into the corner with an overhead belly to belly for the first real advantage but he can’t follow up. Things settle down considerably but the fans are right there with Kushida. We hit the chinlock on Kushida, which seems rather odd in this promotion. I know they’re uses but it’s not something that feels right around here.
Back up and Takahashi misses a charge and gets caught in a cross armbreaker underneath the ropes. It’s quickly broken but that seems to have fired Kushida right back up. Kushida actually sets up some chairs and the fans are NOT happy with the idea, only to turn around when he uses one as a springboard for a dropkick against the barricade. Back in and it’s time to start in on the arm but Takahashi catches a handspring in a German suplex (anyone who has wrestled Marty Scurll would know to NEVER TRY A FREAKING SPRINGBOARD! UNLESS YOU’RE TAJIRI OF COURSE!).
They head up top with Kushida grabbing a Hoverboard Lock and pulling Takahashi right back down with it. Back to the Future (It’s a small package driver with another AMAZING name) is broken up so it’s back to the Hoverboard Lock but Takahashi escapes with a hard clothesline. Kushida heads to the apron but takes a cringe inducing (seriously) sunset bomb to the floor.
Takahashi takes him back in for a Death Valley Driver into the corner but puts Kushida on top for some reason. As you might expect, that means a super Back to the Future (thud) for no cover from the spent Kushida. We get the slugout from the knees with Kushida PUNCHING HIM IN THE NECK but both guys go down again. The fans boo Kushida stomping on him so it’s the Hoverboard Lock again and Takahashi taps at 19:14.
Rating: A. That’s one of the fastest nineteen minute matches I’ve ever seen. These two were beating the heck out of each other and it was a blast to watch from beginning to end. It felt like they couldn’t stand one another and that makes for an entertaining fight. They also played up the story of Kushida trying to claw his way back, which is an awesome story. I mean, it would have been much better if it wasn’t just a five month story but points for going with something entertaining.
Kushida thanks the fans but Bushi and Evil come out with the former misting the new champ.
Never Openweight Title: Hirooki Goto vs. Minoru Suzuki
Suzuki, an old man invading, is defending and this is a lumberjack death match, which means lumberjack. Both guys also have stables and we’re still in STABLE WARS!!! Feeling out process to start so let’s look at the Japanese commentary team instead. Arm cranking goes nowhere so Suzuki takes him up to the ropes and shoves him in the face a bit.
They start chopping it out with Suzuki rolling outside but being thrown back inside almost immediately. That works so well that they do the same thing with the roles reversed as this isn’t exactly deathtastic so far. Goto is sent outside again and now the lumberjacks get into it, allowing Suzuki to hit a running boot to the face. Suzuki drops a piece of the barricade on him and it’s more Suzuki-Gun interference.
Back in and Suzuki keeps up the hard strikes and some arm holds. Another brawl on the floor has Jushin Thunder Liger nearly jumping off commentary to fight Suzuki, drawing easily the loudest pop of the match. Goto scores with a lariat back inside and it’s time to forearm each other really hard again. They’re tough like that you see. Suzuki gets the better of it but throws Goto into the referee, drawing in the lumberjacks for the brawl.
Yoshi-Hashi hits a flip dive onto everyone else and it’s time to fight over chokes. The GTR (a spinning forearm to the chest into a backbreaker) gets two with a guy named Taichi coming in and pulling the referee out. One heck of a chair shots from Taichi knocks Goto out and a jumping Gotch Style piledriver retains Suzuki’s title at 16:01.
Rating: D+. As is almost always the case, I just don’t care about these matches. I don’t see the appeal of hitting each other really hard and turning it into a toughman contest, but that might just be a cultural thing. I need something more to connect to than “He can get hit really hard but THIS GUY can get hit even harder!” That and all the interference got old in a hurry as I have little idea who most of these people are and it’s basically just two groups hating each other for reasons not important enough to explain.
Yoshi-Hashi saves Goto from further damage so Suzuki offers a challenge.
We actually recap Tetsuya Naito vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi. Naito defended his Intercontinental Title against Tanahashi at Wrestle Kingdom to complete Tanahashi’s downfall but now Tanahashi is back for revenge. In other words, rebel vs. tradition.
Intercontinental Title: Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Tetsuya Naito
Naito is defending and has damaged the title by throwing it around, leaving the metal broken in a few places. Tanahashi goes right after him to start and they slug it out on the floor in a rare display of aggression from the good guy. Naito sends Tanahashi’s bad arm into the post to slow him down but a dropkick sends the champ into the barricade. They slug it out until it’s time to go after the arm, which doesn’t sit well with the fans.
The announcers actually explain Naito destroying the belt: he thinks there are too many titles and wants it to be retired. That’s……really different and I kind of love it actually. Naito sends him outside and poses, followed by a tornado DDT off the apron. Tanahashi is back in at nineteen (still takes time to get used to) and it’s off to an arm lock. Back up and Tanahashi actually SPITS on Naito, which is way out of character for him.
We hit the forearm exchange (actually they do but you get the idea) and a dragon screw legwhip takes Naito down by his banged up knee. Naito tries to bail but gets his leg banged against the apron as Tanahashi is showing extra aggression, which makes perfect sense in a big match. It’s too early for the Cloverleaf so Naito goes back to the arm with a pair of dropkicks.
The bad arm gets tied up again but Tanahashi reverses a suplex into a neckbreaker. High Fly Flow only hits mat though and it’s time for another big slapoff. Tanahashi has had it though and grabs both arms for a big German suplex for the slowest two I can remember in a good while.
Naito grabs his own German suplex and Destino for two, only to have Tanahashi pop up with the Sling Blade. The High Fly Flow is good for another near fall and you can hear some of the energy go out of the crowd on the kickout. The Cloverleaf goes on with Tanahashi almost turning it into a Liontamer to FINALLY make Naito tap at 25:58 and earn redemption.
Rating: A-. This was all about the storytelling and the leg/arm stuff worked very well. You could feel the idea Tanahashi fighting for everything he could with Naito relying on his normal stuff and not being able to hang in there at the end. It’s very similar to the Kushida story but this was just a hair better from a storytelling perspective, albeit not quite from the wrestling perspective.
We recap Kazuchika Okada vs. Kenny Omega for the IWGP World Title. They had the most overrated match of all time (which was great) at Wrestle Kingdom and now Okada has challenged Omega for the rematch.
IWGP World Title: Kenny Omega vs. Kazuchika Okada
Omega is challenging and has the Young Bucks in his corner. Feeling out process to start (of course, because this is going to be a long one) with Omega taking it to the mat and kicking Okada in the shoulder for a break. Omega can’t hit a neckbreaker and gets slammed down, only to block a hilo with raised knees. Neither can hit their finisher early but Okada tweaks his knee on a dropkick. As is so often the case in a main event match.
It’s fine enough to knock Omega outside for a flip dive but the knee goes out again. Back in and it’s time for the dropkicks to the knee, including a missile version which has Callis calling Omega a world class athlete. That’s certainly not overkill based on a freaking dropkick or anything. A Figure Four stays on the knee and they head outside with the knee going into various objects.
At least Omega is smart enough to stay on the knee for a bit before kicking at the back to annoy Okada again. A flapjack drops Omega but Okada can’t follow up thanks to the knee. They head outside again with Okada shoving him over the barricade and hitting a running dive. As you might expect, the knee goes out again and Okada can’t immediately follow up. Back in and Omega gets caught in an over the back neckbreaker but still avoids the top rope elbow.
Omega sends him outside again and it’s a top rope Asai moonsault, followed by a springboard missile dropkick for two. A loud sitout powerbomb gets the same but Okada gets his knees up on a middle rope moonsault. Okada goes up top but blocks the dragon superplex and hits a Death Valley Driver onto the apron. A VERY hard dropkick sense Omega into the barricade and Kenny is dazed. Callis: “It’s like being kicked by a horse.” Has Callis ever been hit by a horse? I doubt it, but that’s better than JR’s “Big Show’s headbutt is like being hit by a typewriter.”
It’s table time but Omega can’t get him up for the powerbomb (I’m sure Omega nearly dropping him was COMPLETELY intentional and not in any way, shape or form a mistake in this match that has been rated 125% on the star scale). Okada drops him again and hits the top rope elbow for no cover. Instead he goes back up, only to have Omega catch him for a superplex. He crosses Okada’s legs before lifting him, which is supposed to add something to it but it’s the exact same landing.
The V Trigger (knee to the head) is blocked and Okada rolls some German suplexes into a weak Rainmaker (you know, like it almost always looks) for two. Omega is back up with a sitout powerbomb for his own near fall and both guys are spent. Back up and another Rainmaker is countered into the snap dragon suplex but Okada throws him on top for a dropkick to the floor.
The huge top rope elbow puts Omega somewhat through the table (cracked but didn’t break) and it’s back inside for another dropkick. Of course the announcers are RIGHT THERE again to tell us how completely and utterly in awe they are of Okada’s dropkick. I didn’t know if them doing that the first 198 times during the match sunk in or not. Omega keeps swinging from his knees but eats a pair of Rainmakers (perhaps the worst of them I can remember as THEY’RE JUST STANDING CLOTHESLINES!
Okada walks around instead of covering and here’s Bullet Club with Cody holding a towel. The Bucks keep him from throwing it in and Omega hits a reverse hurricanrana to get a breather. Omega throws the towel down and charges straight into another dropkick. The fourth Rainmaker is broken up with a loud knee to the face for two (This is REAL wrestling! Not that nonsense trading of finishers that WWE does!) in a great near fall.
The One Winged Angel FINALLY connects but Okada gets his foot on the ropes. It’s a very good false finish, though it would have been better (like SIX AND THREE QUARTER STARS) if Omega hadn’t turned toward the ropes before hitting it for no apparent reason other than to set up the kickout. Omega does his pose again, allowing Okada to grab the wrist for the fourth Rainmaker of the match. No cover of course as the match is now longer than the Wrestle Kingdom version.
They slug it out again with Okada actually going down (a rare sight in one of these things), only to pop back up with another dropkick (WE GET IT ALREADY! Both the dropkick and how FREAKING AMAZING THE THING IS KELLY!). More knees (I’ve lost count on how many of those Omega has hit) drop Okada for two and a running version to the back knocks Okada silly. Another One Winged Angel is countered into the Tombstone (Hokey smoke a fresh finisher!) but Okada can’t follow up.
Instead he starts screaming but Omega collapses to avoid another Rainmaker. Since that standing clothesline is just SO hard though, Okada stumbles forward and can’t get up. They fight over a Tombstone until Omega settles for another knee to the head….as we’re told there’s five minutes left. Another running knee looks to set up what looked to be a Tombstone but Okada slips out and hits another dropkick. A spinning Tombstone plants Omega for no cover as we fill in more time.
Okada picks him up and gets small packaged in an outstanding false finish. ANOTHER FREAKING DROPKICK puts Omega down with two minutes left. Kenny grabs the ropes to block the Rainmaker with a minute left and another dragon suplex gets no cover. Instead Okada dropkicks him into the fifth Rainmaker (Take THAT John Cena with your five AA’s a match. Japan’s big names can do it too!) but time runs out at 60:03 (far closer than most hour draws go so points for that).
Rating: A-. I liked the Wrestle Kingdom match better but that’s not to say this isn’t a great match. The problem here should be obvious: I was so sick of the same dropkicks/jumping knee/RAINMAKER (because putting it in all caps instantly makes it cooler)/Tombstone sequences by the end that they stopped meaning anything to me. Anyone is going to run out of stuff to do by the end of a sixty minute match so I can’t blame them for it, but don’t act like them doing the same stuff over and over like that again for forty minutes is some amazing, never before seen formula. That brings us to the other big problem.
Meltzer giving this six and a quarter stars is downright laughable. What I’m supposed to believe is that this match is TWENTY FIVE PERCENT BETTER than any other five star match in history. Twenty five percent better than every match in the Steamboat vs. Flair trilogy, than Austin vs. Hart, than Michaels vs. Undertaker in the Cell, or in any of the roughly 183 tag matches he gave the rating to from Japan in the 90s.
Just…..no. Quite literally no, it’s not that good. Nothing can be, which is why I rolled my eyes when I saw what he rated the match. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking a style more than another (I do it, as does every reviewer around, because wrestling is very subjective) but this was some of the worst hyperbole I’ve seen in a good while. I had a good time watching it but again, it didn’t need to be an hour long. You could cut out a good fifteen minutes (like the knee stuff, which wound up meaning NOTHING after about half an hour in) and it’s a better match, though still not six and a quarter stars, or really anything close.
Now that being said, yes the match is excellent and an incredible athletic display. They were selling like they were dead at the end to really put over how much they were laying into each other. Okada came off as the star here with Omega not doing the same level of stuff that he was doing back in January (not to say he wasn’t working hard but January was a once in a lifetime performance). Great match, but I liked both Wrestle Kingdom and Kushida’s match earlier tonight better.
Both guys are gassed and the announcers officially call it a draw and do the standard wrestling thing of comparing it to other matches of the same style over the years. The ending is praised as well, though I’m not sure on that as Okada had him beaten, which doesn’t quite set up a rematch very well. There will be a rematch of course but it could have been done better.
Gedo puts Okada over and the guys get a standing ovation.
There was a post show press conference which I won’t watch because I don’t speak Japanese. The only news though is Cody challenging Okada, who he’ll face at the North American debut in early July.
Overall Rating: A-. Let’s get the big problem out of the way: this show is REALLY, REALLY long at nearly six hours. If you’re going to watch it, fast forward through the entrances and watch it in shifts, which is standard advice for almost all of the big wrestling shows around the world these days. Six hours is just too much to sit through at once and there’s no much of a way around that.
That being said, it’s a great show and certainly worth checking out (though you could skip a match or two and be fine). The two big matches are both outstanding and the Junior Heavyweight Title match is even better, making those three matches must see. The tag matches might vary a bit depending on your taste and the gauntlet match could have been cut down significantly (have the teams on the floor or something). The Never Title match is VERY subjective and while it’s not my style, I know that kind of stuff has a strong following.
As usual, it’s a show I had a good time with but nothing I’m interested in following up on. I’m probably going to increase my New Japan watching a bit going forward, though I’m probably maxing it out at four to five shows a year tops (probably closer to three or four). I probably won’t be covering the tournament finals and there’s virtually no way I’m doing anything but major pay per views. I’ll certainly be doing Wrestle Kingdom (and before people ask me this time) and probably this show plus a few others. New Japan is a lot of fun with some excellent wrestling but them coming to America could be quite a shock for them.
Yes they’re popular with their core audience, but there’s a VERY big difference between the Japanese wrestling fans and the American wrestling fans. You can wrestle this style and bring in all these other names, but if that style is so successful over here, why does no one but WWE draw more than 5,000 fans a night? Maybe New Japan will be different, but I’m really not sure I see it happening. They could surpass Ring of Honor, but is that really a major accomplishment these days? Anyway, great show, but be ready to fast forward some stuff.
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Smackdown – January 16, 2003: Can We Lose The Grieving Widow?
Smackdown Date: January 16, 2003 Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re at the go home show for the Royal Rumble and you wouldn’t really know based on the TV they’ve been building towards it. The Rumble itself has taken a huge backseat to almost everything else, including tonight when a good chunk of the focus is likely to be focused on Al Wilson’s death. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Dawn and Al’s honeymoon with Al dying from exhaustion. Three days before the Rumble and this is what starts the show.
Dawn, in a rather low cut top, is all sad about Al dying. As I’ve said this whole time, what exactly was her plan here? She really just married him to annoy Torrie? That’s getting to Vince levels to ruin Austin.
Opening sequence.
Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. John Cena/B2
Los Guerreros are defending and they’re both in the Rumble too. Both promise they’ll win to make Grandma happy. Cena raps about sending Los Guerreros back to their jobs at Home Depot or selling oranges at off ramps. Oh and he used to love Lucy and hate Ricky Ricardo. Eddie and Cena start things off with Eddie spinning all over the place to send Cena down, followed by a basement dropkick from Chavo. The slingshot hilo hits Cena as well as the champs are in full control to start.
Buchanan comes in and eats a belly to back suplex, followed by Eddie kicking at his legs. Cena offers a low bridge though and the champs are finally in trouble. A Falcon Arrow gets two on Eddie and Cena grabs a front facelock until Chavo slaps Eddie’s boot for the tag. That’s fine with Cena who facelocks Chavo as well. A dropkick gets Chavo out of trouble and everything breaks down. Chavo dives onto Buchanan and Eddie does the same to Cena. Back in and Chavo dropkicks Buchanan again, setting up a frog splash to retain.
Rating: C-. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere and I’m kind of glad they just got rid of Cena and Buchanan as challengers in a hurry. Eddie and Chavo have slid right into the face roles without even blinking an eye because they’re talented enough to pull something like that off.
Post match Cena yells at Buchanan until someone (who Cena fist bumped before the match) comes out of the crowd and helps Cena beat him down, including wrecking Buchanan’s shoulder.
We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle, which includes the introduction of Team Angle and a series of beatdowns at Benoit’s expense.
Benoit talks about how important the title match is and promises to get to Angle tonight. He’s heard about ruthless aggression but he’d prefer toothless aggression.
Here’s Stephanie McMahon for a chat. It turns out that the Royal Rumble is THIS SUNDAY but more importantly, tonight it’s A-Train/Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar/???. This absolutely didn’t need to be its own segment nor in front of the crowd.
Nathan Jones video.
Bill DeMott vs. Rikishi
Before the match, Rikishi talks about wanting to win the Rumble while DeMott is tired of hearing about being told to pick on someone their own size. Rikishi punches him down to start and a few slams drop him again. We hit the armbar until DeMott hits him in the ample gut to take over. That means an armbar on Rikishi for a change, followed by the shoulder going into the post. Unfortunately Bill didn’t do anything to the leg so Rikishi superkicks him down for two. The Rump Shaker is loaded up but DeMott powerbombs him down for the pin.
Rating: D-. Well that happened. I have no idea why they think DeMott is interesting but having him pin Rikishi clean doesn’t make him any more interesting. He’s still the same wrestler he’s always been and having him win matches like this doesn’t change a thing. Rikishi is still there and there’s no reason to think anything of him either. Why in the world is this push still a thing?
Kidman imitates Shannon Moore (Horribly, though since Shannon almost never talks how can you tell?) until Matt Hardy and the real Shannon come up. Matt defends Shannon and punches Funaki as a bonus, triggering a brawl.
Tajiri vs. Nunzio
After saying (in Japanese) that he’ll win the Rumble, Tajiri fires off the kicks but gets snapmared down for two. Nunzio spins into a Fujiwara armbar but Tajiri gets his foot in the ropes without too much effort. Tajiri kicks at the legs but something like an Unprettier brings him right back down. It’s back to the arm with a cross armbreaker and a whip into the corner but Tajiri comes right back with the Tarantula. Nidia takes the mist to the face but a springboard tornado flying armbar gives Nunzio the pin.
Rating: C+. Fun match here but, again, the Cruiserweight Title is nowhere near this spot on the card because the champion has other people to feud with and can’t be asked to defend his title. That’s not on Kidman but again shows how worthless that title really is. Putting either of them over Kidman doesn’t matter at this point as the title isn’t going to mean anything no matter what they do at this point.
Long recap of the Raw Tenth Anniversary show.
Cena introduces his new buddy as Red Dogg and implies the eating of your Scooby Snacks.
Undertaker is back on Sunday.
It’s off to the funeral home where Dawn is all emotional and cries. She opens the casket so the announcers can do another “Look at Al!” “Look at Dawn!” bit. This goes on for WAY too long with Dawn being sad and talking about how she’s going to carry on Al’s name.
Stephanie is on the phone with Shane when Brock comes in to say that he doesn’t need a partner. She says she needs to protect her investment, which is why Lesnar needs a partner. If Stephanie wanted to protect her investment before the Rumble, why is this match happening? I’m going out on a limb and say that Stephanie isn’t as smart as she thinks she is.
Brock Lesnar/??? vs. Big Show/A-Train
Before the match, Heyman goes on a rant about how Lesnar has no chance because he won’t beat Big Show in the first place. If he somehow does though, he’ll have to deal with Team Angle and A-Train. Cue Lesnar with partner…..Rey Mysterio. Rey charges right in and kicks A-Train into the F5. Show gets clotheslined to the floor and it’s the 619 and a springboard splash to put A-Train away in less than 35 seconds. So to clarify, the pecking order of non-Big Show giants goes Bill DeMott, Rikishi and then A-Train. Yet A-Train is consistently dealing with the main eventers because WWE.
Back to the funeral home when Torrie (also in an outfit that shouldn’t be at a place like this) comes in to stare Dawn down.
Matt Hardy vs. Funaki
This is the result of Funaki calling out Matt, who was in the academically gifted class in elementary school, for the earlier attack. Kidman and Shannon are here as the seconds. Funaki goes right after him to start and hammers away on the mat. A Side Effect gives Matt two and it’s Shannon choking on the ropes.
Matt chokes a bit as well, followed by the Ricochet for two. Back up and Matt misses a charge so Funaki grabs a bulldog for two. Funaki sends him hard into the corner but the seconds get in a fight on the apron so there’s no one to see Matt being covered. Matt sends Funaki into Shannon and it’s a Twist of Fate for the pin.
Rating: C-. Not bad here and at least the champ didn’t take another fall. Matt getting a win is a good idea and hopefully it actually leads somewhere for him. By somewhere, I mean something other than just getting squashed by Lesnar or Rikishi, because there’s no one else to do jobs like that for some reason.
Shannon: “WE DID IT!” Matt: “NO! I DID IT!” And he throws in a slap to Shannon’s jaw.
We go back to the funeral home (GET ON WITH IT ALREADY) where Dawn blames Torrie for Al’s death. She didn’t love him enough or something and that broke his heart. They get in a slap fight and Dawn shattered a lamp over Torrie’s back. The worst part is this could have been even worse.
According to a recent interview with the writer of this whole mess, the original ending was going to see Al sit up in the casket, berate Torrie for being the worst daughter ever, then walk outside and get hit by a bus to kill him once and for all. Even with that ending, I’d love to know what the real point to this was, because even I can’t believe that it was really just for the sake of what’s probably a four minute match at Royal Rumble.
Back from a break and HERE’S A REPLAY OF THE FIGHT BECAUSE THIS HASN’T EATEN UP ENOUGH TIME IN THE LAST FOUR MONTHS!
Nathan Jones video.
Royal Rumble rundown. The graphics showing the thirty Rumble entrants make me sadder than anything not associated with the Wilsons. It really does look that bad.
Kurt Angle/Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Edge
Kurt is still on a crutch. Joined in progress with Benoit suplexing Charlie and asking Kurt to come in. He has to settle for chopping Haas some more and then throwing him down with another suplex. Shelton finally gets smart by drawing Benoit in though and Angle’s low blow turns things around.
Charlie starts in on the arm while cranking on Benoit’s neck but a third suplex gets Benoit out of trouble again. The hot tag brings in Edge to clean house with his series of clotheslines but Shelton gets in a cheap shot from the apron. Kurt actually comes in to stomp away until he gets caught in the half nelson faceplant (which he over rotates, making it a half nelson backplant).
Benoit comes in and gets taken down for some right hands to the head. The ankle lock is broken up in a hurry so it’s back to Shelton. Edge comes in with a top rope clothesline for two but Angle sends him outside in a heap. The heels take over again with Shelton jumping over Charlie to crash down onto Edge’s back. Charlie gets two off a bulldog and Shelton grabs a chinlock. The Edge-o-Matic gets Edge out of trouble but Charlie breaks up a hot tag attempt. Angle gets in a few suplexes to keep Edge in trouble and the slow (not a bad thing) offense continues.
Now it’s time to roll the German suplexes but Angle takes too much time, allowing Edge to snap off a belly to belly of his own. Shelton breaks up the hot tag AGAIN, only to get kicked away for the tag to Benoit. Everything breaks down and that means a lot more suplexes. Angle tries to bring in the title but gets Crossfaced. Shelton makes a save but Benoit puts Kurt right back in…..for a DQ because Angle isn’t legal. That’s a bit confusing, especially when Benoit’s music doesn’t play at the bell.
Rating: B. I really liked the slow paced offense from the heels and the buffet of suplexes didn’t hurt either. This was a lot of fun with all five looking good. It’s also a smart move to have Angle get in the ring before Sunday to knock off any potential ring rust. Very entertaining match here, which is something this show needed in spades.
Angle taps as Edge dives onto Haas and Benjamin. Benoit unloads on Angle with the crutch to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The main event is good but it’s way too late to save this show. The funeral home stuff is more bizarrely terrible than anything else and you really wouldn’t know the Rumble was coming on Sunday without a few random ads for it. Other than Undertaker and whoever wins Lesnar vs. Big Show, almost no one on Smackdown looks to be any kind of a threat to win the thing. The focus is on everything else (basically the same on Raw) and that makes for a really weird set of shows leading up to the pay per view.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Smackdown – January 2, 2003: I Long For Uncle Elmer
Smackdown Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Tingley Coliseum, Albuquerque, New Mexico
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s time for a new year with a special live show. The big deal tonight is the wedding between Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, which should hopefully be a big step towards finally ending this stupid storyline. The thing won’t go away and unfortunately it’s going towards another Torrie vs. Dawn match. Let’s get to it.
A narrated opening video talks about Brock Lesnar making his return to the ring tonight. Another voice talks about the wedding, which really does seem to be the bigger deal.
Opening sequence, which includes several shots of Stephanie.
Here are John Cena and Bull Buchanan to rap about Rikishi being fat.
John Cena vs. Rikishi
Rikishi punches him down to start as it’s very weird to see Cena in wrestling boots with the (khaki) shorts. Cena gets thrown outside for a bit, followed by a legdrop for two back inside. Buchanan offers a cheap shot on the floor and Cena takes over as Cole says we’ll start the Royal Rumble participants next week. Those are always fun, even if the show is old. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Rikishi fights up with a Faarooq spinebuster. The referee is with Buchanan though, meaning Rikishi has to beat him up too. Cena shoves the referee away and rolls Rikishi up (with Rikishi’s feet in the ropes) for the pin.
Rating: D. The match was nothing to see but the result is the right call. I’ve complained for months about Rikishi being pushed far too strong so it’s nice to see him finally lose a match to someone, even in a bit of a weak finish. Either way, it’s a good thing to see Cena getting a win as the raps are getting more entertaining week after week.
Rikishi beats them up post match.
Here’s Dawn Marie, in her wedding dress, with something to say. She’s going to be getting married tonight because she’s such a beautiful bride. Oh and she’ll do it without clothes. No, she won’t.
Stephanie is in the back and goes into Dawn’s locker room to say she can’t be married without any clothes on. So she’s stopping a woman from taking off her clothes but is also stopping a heel from doing what she wants. As usual, I have no idea what Stephanie is supposed to be. Repercussions are promised but Dawn hints that she’ll do it anyway.
Chuck Palumbo vs. Bill DeMott
DeMott runs him over to start and shrugs off a clothesline. A screaming splash in the corner keeps Palumbo in trouble as Cole talks about Bill wanting to step up in WWE. Chuck’s comeback is cut off by a shot to the back of the head. That goes so well that they do the same thing again, followed by DeMott hitting a reverse DDT for the pin. Was there really anything wrong with the powerbomb or moonsault?
Rating: D. So is this DeMott push going anywhere? I mean, I can’t imagine that it will but it would be nice to tease that it’s going to instead of just doing the squash matches over and over. At least they let him stop beating up cruiserweights and went with someone who wasn’t going to be hurt by the loss.
Undertaker is coming back at the Royal Rumble. Every clip of him in this video is the Deadman version.
Billy Kidman (who I had almost forgotten was Cruiserweight Champion) runs into Torrie Wilson for the patented awkward conversation. They talk about the wedding and Kidman acts it out for some reason. So he’s making fun of her father and reminding Torrie that her dad is marrying someone she hates.
Kurt Angle isn’t worried about who Chris Benoit picks to face Team Angle tonight because he’ll still be champion after the Royal Rumble. This place is about wrestling and the three of them are the best in the world. If Benoit ever did wrestle in college, it was probably at the University of Saskatchewan and he couldn’t even make the practice squad.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman
Non-title again and Eddie has gotten one heck of a haircut. Eddie gets monkey flipped to start so he snaps off a fall away slam into a bridge for two. We hit an armbar as Cena and Buchanan come out to say he’s about to crack the Guerreros and make huevos rancheros. After a few Taco Bell jokes, Chavo goes after Buchanan in the ring and a fight breaks out.
Rikishi comes in for the save and is taken away as we take a break. Back with Rikishi still being held back, Chavo and Buchanan ejected, Cena on commentary talking about how he’s harder than ring tones and Eddie hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A Gory Stretch into a spinning powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Eddie backdrops him to the floor and Cena threatens to hit Cole in, what sounded like, his foolbox.
Kidman fights out of a sleeper but takes too long going up top and gets superplexed right back down. The Frog Splash misses though and Kidman hits the BK Bomb for two. A high crossbody gives Kidman two but they ram heads in the corner, allowing Cena to hit Eddie in the head with the chain. Kidman didn’t see it and hits the Shooting Star for the pin.
Rating: B-. It looks like they’re trying to turn Los Guerreros face, which they would be due to how strong they’ve been recently anyway, but I’m not sure if it’s the best move to just change them up this fast. At least Kidman finally won something, even though that Cruiserweight Title means less and less every single week. As usual, Kidman has shown he can hang with heavyweights but is apparently on top of the nothing division an in way over his head anywhere else.
Video on Brock Lesnar.
WAY too long package on the buildup to the wedding. As I’ve mentioned many times, I still have no idea why this is a bad thing for Al.
It’s wedding time. Al comes out looking like he’s trying to look classy in Hawaii, Dawn is in her dress and the minister sounds like Slick. We hit the objection line and Dawn does indeed object. She wanted to take everything off but instead strips to her underwear. The thing is no one ever said AL couldn’t be married sans clothing so let’s take a long time stripping him as well. With a straight on camera shot of Al in briefs, they’re married and Al is kissed to the ground. That’s it. No angle, no Torrie, no interruption. Just a wedding and that’s it. This has been a major waste of your time.
Chris Benoit/??? vs. Team Angle
Benoit can pick any partner he wants and one of the big drawing points of this show has been the return of Brock Lesnar. We also saw a video on Lesnar and Brock has issues with Angle. Therefore, the partner is Edge. Not a bad choice but not exactly where the signs were pointing.
Benoit and Haas get things going with Chris running him over a few times and handing it off to Shelton. That means a quick Crossface before it’s off to Edge to stomp away in the corner. Haas offers a distraction from the apron though and Team Angle takes over for the first time…..in their careers I guess.
Shelton gets two off a suplex and it’s off to the chinlock. A cheap shot from Angle sets up the first suplex from Haas for two. Charlie drapes Edge over the ropes so Shelton can jump over his back and land on Edge. Eh the Beverly Brothers already did it. We hit the Haas of Pain but Benoit makes a quick save.
The half nelson faceplant drops Shelton and the hot tag brings in Benoit to clean house. The suplexes are unleashed and Benoit nails the Swan Dive to Shelton for two. Everything breaks down with Team Angle taking stereo rolling German suplexes until Angle pulls Edge outside. Benoit Crossfaces Shelton, drawing Angle in for the DQ.
Rating: C+. I would have given Team Angle some more offense though they certainly didn’t look weak. The DQ finish protects Benoit and keeps the new team looking strong enough. All that matters here is that Angle now has some backup and hopefully we can keep him FAR away from Big Show.
Angle beats up Tony Chimmel until he announces Team Angle as the winners.
Post break, Paul Heyman is in the ring to brag about how awesome his clients are. That brings him to Lesnar, and it’s time for Big Show. Heyman gets right to the point: he wants Big Show vs. Lesnar with the winner going into the Royal Rumble and the loser being left out. Since it’s Heyman, this takes a lot longer than it needs to. Cue Lesnar but Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore jump him from behind with a chair. One shot busts Brock open BAD from the back of his head as the villains run off.
Dawn and Al, still in their underwear, go to the limo. You mean they haven’t left yet? Anyway, they have a camera to film their honeymoon.
Crash vs. Nunzio
Josh Matthews has replaced Chimmel as ring announcer and looks even dumber than usual. Crash comes in with a high crossbody for two and then the opening bell rings. That’s not the most competent referee. Nunzio goes after the arm with a quick armbar and something like a Stunner onto the arm. A rollup gives Crash two but the kickout sends his shoulder into the post. The DDT on the arm (flying armbar) is good enough to give Nunzio the pin.
Matt gives Shannon a pep talk.
Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar
Brock is in a t-shirt and workout pants. Matt, who always stays awake until sunrise on New Year’s Eve, tries to have Shannon get in some cheap shots but the still bloody Brock cleans house anyway. A great looking backbreaker sets up a belly to belly, followed by some powerslams into the corner. Shannon’s distraction works as well as you would expect though it does allow Matt to hit a Side Effect. That just earns him a belly to belly, followed by Shannon being thrown on top of Matt. A release F5 plants Moore but Brock walks into the Twist of Fate for two. The F5 finishes Matt a few seconds later.
Rating: D+. It’s very fun to watch Lesnar destroy people like they’re not even there and if he can do two at once, that’s even better. It was entertaining and a good use of Matt and Shannon, both of whom will be over again as soon as Matt does another over the top promo about how awesome Mattitude really is.
Show comes out for the staredown, earning Matt another F5 to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. The wrestling in the middle helps but so much of this show was dominated by the wedding nonsense. Dawn Marie is good looking but she is nowhere near enough to save this story. I still don’t know why it’s still going but I’m sure we’ll be seeing another big part of it next week, eventually leading to Dawn vs. Torrie again.
Other than that we had Bill DeMott and Rikishi getting featured spots. They’re building some acts up (Los Guerreros, Cena, Team Angle) and that can lead them to a lot of good places in the future. This wasn’t a horrible show but there’s no way around that wedding, which ate up more than almost any given match. I’m sure it’s a Vince thing but this is the funniest thing he can get behind?
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