Paul Bearer’s Hits From The Crypt
Host: Paul Bearer
Commentators: Stan Lane, Gorilla Monsoon, Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Johnny Polo

Sometimes you need some good old fashioned Coliseum Video and…well this is from around 1994 and that’s not going to be the top shelf stuff. In this case, we should at last have some good stuff in there. I’ve done this tape before but it’s been a good many years and who am I to question the WWE Vault? Let’s get to it.

Paul Bearer welcomes us from the crypt and talks about the THOUSANDS of matches he’s gone through to pick the following.

From Syracuse, New York, April 12, 1994.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Lex Luger

Feeling out process to start as commentary goes on a bit of a weird rant about Jerry Jarrett (Jeff’s father) having a big mouth and running back to the south. Luger grabs a headlock to start so Jarrett complains about a hair pull, which commentary does not like. Jarrett’s shoulders to the ribs in the corner just seem to annoy Luger so Jarrett goes with some arm cranking.

That just earns him a gorilla press and the fans approve, but then Luger just strolls around the ring, as tends to be his case. A clothesline out of the corner gives Jarrett a breather and commentary is on him about wasting time, ignoring Luger being far worse about it just a few seconds earlier. Some ax handles to the back keep Luger in trouble as commentary calls out Luger for his lack of fire. Dang you can hear the burial building and it’s only going to get worse. Lane: “Lex could be sick, he could be injured. He could be coming off a European tour and be tired!”

The sleeper goes on and Luger has to fight up after two arm drops. Luger powers up and gets a suplex before starting the generic comeback. A few clotheslines and an elbow into a powerslam (Monsoon: “Not all that well executed by Lex.”) sets up the Rebel Rack to finish Jarrett at 13:13.

Rating: D+. Luger might as well have been reaching out for the paycheck that was keeping him going at this point as there was NOTHING here that would make you want to see him again. It was the most generic offense (as always) and absolutely no fire at all, with commentary coming close to burying him. It’s no shock that he was more or less done as anything important, as this was a cross between dull and embarrassing to watch.

From Springfield, Massachusetts, February 2, 1994.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels with Diesel, is challenging and takes his time to start. They shove each other a bit before Ramon throws the toothpick into his face to really get things going. Michaels bails out to the floor for a chase before running the ropes back inside as we’re over two minutes in without any major contact. A leapfrog doesn’t quite work for Michaels though and Razor gets in a powerslam for two.

Michaels’ neckbreaker gives him two of his own but Razor punches his way out of a sunset flip, setting up the big clothesline to the floor. They go outside where Razor pulls the floor padding back but a Razor’s Edge on the floor is broken up, allowing Michaels to get in a hard posting. That slows things down a good bit and a slam on the exposed concrete has Razor’s back in trouble.

Back in and Shawn starts in on said back, including a top rope ax handle and a chinlock with a knee between the shoulders. That’s switched into a regular chinlock until Razor fights up, only to have his back give out on a backslide. The chinlock goes back on and Monsoon goes into an anatomy rant that has to be him showing off. Said chinlock lasts a rather long time until Razor fights up and hits a big running knee.

A backdrop sends Michaels flying but Razor’s back gives out to leave them both down again. Razor starts hammering but Diesel pulls him outside with Michaels joining in for the double countout at 11:28. Hold on though as Razor grabs the mic and says let’s see who the real champion is. Michaels eventually comes back in but Diesel’s distraction doesn’t work, allowing Razor to punch Michaels out of the air for two. The belly to back superplex is broken up and Michaels hits a nice superkick for two.

Back up and the referee gets bumped, meaning there is no one to count after the Razor’s Edge. Diesel comes in with a belt shot but the referee is still down. After a delay so long that it had to be mistimed, the referee gets up for two as Marty Jannetty runs in for the save. Somehow that isn’t a DQ so Diesel misses a shot at Marty and hits Michaels by mistake, allowing Razor to get a rollup pin at 18:54.

Rating: B-. This was a weird one, as you would think that a nearly 20 minute Razor vs. Michaels match would be a layup, but they tried to pack a lot into the end while not doing much for long stretches earlier on. The chinlock went on WAY too long and they had to lay around for a good while at the end, likely due to Marty being late. If you cut about five minutes out of this, it’s far better, though I kept waiting on one of them to grab a ladder as those matches are so much more famous.

Bearer takes us to a dressing room which was used by people like WC Fields and Harry Houdini. Ok then.

From Syracuse, New York on April 12, 1994.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mabel

Luna Vachon and Oscar are here too as I wonder what I did so wrong to wind up here. Bigelow jumps him to start and nearly knocks the….whatever it is that he’s wearing. Mabel is back with an elbow, only to miss an elbow drop. An armdrag of all things takes Bigelow down and Mabel grabs an armbar as it’s already time for a breather. The armbar goes to the mat before Mabel manages a suplex, only to miss a splash.

Bigelow enziguris him to the floor where Oscar runs away from Luna (smart man). Commentary compares Mabel’s hair to Bigelow’s tattoos as Mabel slowly gets back inside. Bigelow grabs an armbar as Monsoon says that it’s hard to see where one ends and where the other starts. No Gorilla, it really isn’t.

An armdrag into another armbar has Mabel down as Lane is mocking Luna’s facial tattoos. Mabel fights up and gets in an armdrag, followed by a not so great dropkick. The spinwheel kick (it didn’t get much air) sets up a splash to Bigelow in the corner, only for him to break up a bulldog as this keeps going. A better than expected Cactus Clothesline leaves them on the floor and a rather fast ten count is a double countout at 8:32.

Rating: D. Oh like this was ever going to be good. Bigelow was trying here but there is only so much you can do with someone Mabel’s size. It was slow and very plodding with a lot of laying around in between the moves that didn’t go well. The WWF LOVES this kind of match though and I can see why live fans would have some fun with it, but dang it does not exactly hold up well.

Bearer says we’ve all been following the Headshrinkers vs. the Quebecers but he recaps it for us anyway.

From Burlington, Vermont on April 26, 1994 and actually from the May 2 Raw.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Headshrinkers

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo, are defending. Fatu and Pierre start things off as Vince thinks there are some Quebecers fans around here because we’re so close to Canada. They shove each other around to start with Fatu being rather excited. Fatu runs him over and it’s off to Jacques vs. Samu and a rake of the eyes lets the villain take over. Everything breaks down and the Quebecers are knocked outside, which is enough for them to walk out.

That’s enough for the referee to say get back in here or it’s a title change. The Quebecers do run back in, break the count, and then head outside again and we take a break. Back with Pierre getting knocked around as Savage seems to want a sandwich. Jacques gets in a knee from the apron to take over and the big clothesline turns Fatu inside out. A ram into the steps has Fatu in trouble and it’s a clothesline/legsweep combination for two. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Fatu for two more and we’re clipped to Fatu managing a backdrop over the top.

Naturally that means it’s time to put the camera on the commentators, with the tag back to Samu bringing us back to the ring. That’s cut off in a hurry though as Samu’s head gets caught in the ropes to slow him down. A piledriver puts Samu down but the top rope Cannonball misses. Polo tries to get up but gets dropped by Afa and Captain Lou Albano. Jacques accidentally decks Pierre, who hits him right back. The double Stroke into the Superfly Splash gives Fatu the pin and the titles at 19:30.

Rating: C-. I was always a Headshrinkers fan but this didn’t work out very well. Other than Pierre getting some crazy height on the Cannonball, there wasn’t much to be seen here. It was just a kind of dull match, though seeing a title change on a tape like this is a cool bonus. Just have a better match next time.

From Poughkeepsie, New York on March 21, 1994, from the April 4 Raw.

Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake

Wrestlemania X rematch with Earthquake powering him out of the ring to start. Bomb misses a big swing and gets clotheslined back down for his efforts. Another knockdown works for Bomb and an elbow gets two. Earthquake does his best Andre impression by being tied up in the ropes but we pause for Howard Finkel to stare Harvey Wippleman down. Bomb misses another elbow but so does Earthquake. A top rope clothesline gives Bomb two but Earthquake hits a nice belly to belly. Another elbow (geez) and legdrop set up the Earthquake from Earthquake for the pin at 4:21.

Rating: D+. Well that was a lot of missed elbows. Seriously there were probably five of them missing in a match that wasn’t even five minutes long. It isn’t a good sign when the match is this long and somehow worse than their really short match at Wrestlemania. Also, Earthquake winning again in 1994 is bizarre to see.

Bearer has apparently been in a theater and recaps what we have been seeing. He could be completely cut out of this and nothing would be lost. And he’s not even in a crypt!

From Utica, New York on April 11, 1994 on the April 18, 1994 Raw.

Bret Hart vs. Kwang

Hart’s WWF Title isn’t on the line. Kwang hammers away to start and kicks Hart in the face before spraying the green mist into the air (not slime Vince). Hart fights up and takes over onto the arm, including some armdrags into an armbar. That’s broken up and Hart is sent outside as we take a break.

Back with Kwang hitting a running spinwheel kick in the corner and getting two off a snapmare (yes a snapmare). The nerve hold goes on as Owen Hart calls in, with Bret fighting up and hitting a quick crossbody. Owen calmly talks about how he’s going to beat Bret in a Wrestlemania rematch as Bret fights back and hits a few Moves Of Doom. The Sharpshooter finishes Kwang off at 10:18.

Rating: C. Well that was short and to the point. This was little more than a reason to have Owen call in and to get Bret on the tape. That makes for a weird moment though as this was about setting up an upcoming Raw match, which you wouldn’t be able to see if you were watching the tape later. It doesn’t help that it was a nothing match with Kwang not being much of a challenge in any way.

From Rochester, New York on April 13, 1994.

Quebecers/Jeff Jarrett vs. Men On A Mission/Doink The Clown

Monsoon forgets that Ray Rougeau has retired and it’s Doink dropping a right hand on Jacques to start. Jarrett gets in a cheap shot from the apron and comes in to stomp away as commentary points out that the Quebecers’ titles aren’t on the line. You couldn’t put this match before the title change on the same tape? Mo comes in to trade shoulders with Pierre, who easily takes over with a big running shoulder (that looked good), only to charge into a spinebuster.

Doink comes in but gets stomped down as the alternating beating begins. A big toss sends Doink throat first onto the top rope and Pierre gets backdropped onto him for two. Jarrett’s dropkick in the corner sets up more choking and Doink is about to lose his hair. Monsoon: “HEY DOINK! GET OUT!” A sunset flip gives Doink one and he is immediately stomped right back down.

Doink finally gets a boot up to knock Pierre away and the tag…well it should bring in Mable as the referee didn’t see it despite looking right at them. Monsoon is calling for Mabel to come in and drag Doink to the right corner as Jacques gets two off a piledriver. Doink gets up and brings in Mabel to clean house without much effort. A clothesline sets up the double splash to pin Jacques 11:33.

Rating: D+. This tape is getting to the point of horrible with one dull match after another. Here we had Doink getting beaten up for a good while, with Monsoon getting annoyed at the whole thing (and forgetting who was Mo and who was Oscar). Mabel was the big wrecking ball at the end but it was a really dull path to get there.

Paul Bearer talks about going to the theater with Undertaker on cold nights.

From Springfield, Massachusetts on February 2, 1994.

Lex Luger/Randy Savage vs. Yokozuna/Crush

Savage is banged up but Monsoon insists that he was going to wrestle after putting his “John Henry” on the contract. Luger and Yokozuna start things off with Yokozuna punching him down. Some running clotheslines rock Yokozuna but he drops Luger with a single clothesline. Savage comes in to work on the arm and the good guys change without a tag when Crush tries to cheat.

Yokozuna pulls Luger over to the corner for the tag to Crush, who takes over rather quickly. It’s already back to Savage, who gets distracted by Mr. Fuji and beaten down into the corner as things slow back down. Crush grabs a bodyscissors as this couldn’t be more of a “yeah we’re doing the match, don’t expect anything else” match if it tried, because they aren’t exactly doing so.

Yokozuna comes in for the nerve hold (with his back to the camera because this wasn’t a TV match. The big charge misses in the corner and Savage…well eventually goes towards the right corner but takes so long that Crush cuts him off. Crush goes up top but misses a….I think we’ll say knee, allowing the tag off to Luger. That’s cut off almost immediately but Savage gets in a salt bucket shot to Crush for the pin at 12:21. Yeah what a hero.

Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness this was lame as CRUSH was probably working the hardest here. No one cared in the slightest out there and the match just came and went. I know it’s the last match of the night and the fans are ready to go home, but sweet goodness, a bit of effort should not be too much to ask. Horrible stuff.

Bearer sets up the main event, thank goodness.

From Springfield, Massachusetts on November 30, 1993.

Undertaker vs. Crush

Crush doesn’t even get an entrance here to show you how important this is. Commentary makes impotence jokes as we get a staredown to start. Crush hammers away but gets caught with a running DDT as the pace is already slowing. An elbow drop misses and it’s a clothesline to put Undertaker on the floor, only for him to grab the Stunner over the top.

Old School connects before Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline (that looked weird). Crush superkicks him outside as Johnny Polo wants to know the difference between a thrust kick and a crescent kick. Some chair shots put Undertaker down and the slow strikes ensue. A ram into the corner wakes Undertaker up for some reason but Crush cuts him off with a backbreaker.

The posing lets Undertaker sit up, with Polo freaking out because it takes so long for Undertaker to sit up that you can pin him. Crush does some military presses (geez) and drops a leg but Undertaker sits up again. For some reason Crush tries a Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to give Undertaker the win at 7:02.

Rating: C-. First and foremost: Johnny Polo came as close to saving this as he was HILARIOUS, with the running gag about covering Undertaker before the situp being great stuff and seemingly accurate. Other than that, they didn’t do much here but Crush’s military presses were impressive and Undertaker can do some good things with just about anyone. Somehow this was a better match than almost anything on the tape, which shows you just how bad things are going here. It wasn’t a great or even good match, but at least it was a nicer (on a sliding scale) way to end things.

Bearer wraps it up.

Overall Rating: D-. When Kwang is in the second best match out of two hours, there is not much wroth seeing on this stupid tape. This was one of the worst releases I’ve ever seen from Coliseum Video as there was no reason for it to be this bad. You could see how bad things were for the WWF around this time and egads this was a perfect showcase of why. Bad wrestling, few stars to get behind and just….what was supposed to be good here? Absolutely awful stuff.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 27, 1993
Location: New Haven Coliseum, New Haven, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

Things are going to be going in a different direction this week as the Steiner Brothers, who have been the focus of the last two weeks, have been suspended. That means we are going to need something fresh, and that could mean just about anything around here. Hopefully they pick one of the better options of what they have available so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Jack Tunney (he has to be about done) joins us to announce that Shawn Michaels has been suspended for no selling title defenses (or allegedly drugs, though Shawn still denies that to this day). Therefore, Shawn has been stripped of the Intercontinental Title (a first for the title, with Ultimate Warrior relinquishing it in 1990 rather than having it taken from him) and a battle royal will be held next week. The last two men in that match will meet the following week to crown a new champion. Better than just giving it to the winner of the battle royal.

Opening sequence.

Tatanka vs. Rick Martel

In case you didn’t get enough at Wrestlemania VIII. Feeling out process to start as Vince talks about next week’s battle royal. Martel takes him down and jumps some jacks and they fight over arm control. Tatanka gets driven into the corner to break up a hammerlock as we hear about Heenan getting over his cold. That earns Martel a hard crash to the floor and we hit the stall button. Savage: “STALL-ING!”

The chase finally brings Martel back inside where he stomps away before avoiding a middle rope spinning crossbody. Tatanka gets kicked to the floor and we take a break. Back with Martel putting on the abdominal stretch as Vince describes this as a seesaw match, back and force.

A belly to back gives Martel two more but a slingshot splash hits raised knees. Martel is fine enough to grab a reverse chinlock but Tatanka makes the comeback and hits a high crossbody. The warpath is on and Tatanka slams him down, setting up a top rope chop to the head. Martel sends a charging Tatanka over the top to the floor only to be pulled outside as well. The brawl sends them to the double countout at 10:44.

Rating: C. Completely watchable match, but there is only so much to get out of Tatanka vs. Martel in 1993. Tatanka is still undefeated so they didn’t want to give Martel the win, though at the end of the day, Martel needed to be reestablished after being gone for a bit. Not bad, but the ending didn’t do it any favors.

Joe Fowler tells us the names in the battle royal:

IRS
Randy Savage
Adam Bomb
Giant Gonzalez
Mr. Perfect
Owen Hart
Rick Martel
Jimmy Snuka
Bob Backlund
Pierre
Jacques
Razor Ramon
Mabel
Diesel
MVP
1-2-3 Kid
Bam Bam Bigelow
Marty Jannetty
Tatanka
Bastion Booger

Ludvig Borga vs. Phil Apollo

Borga rushes him in the corner to start and hits a side slam as Heenan talks about reading the newspaper in the bathroom. A spinebuster plants Apollo and Borga tosses him outside. Back in and a delayed vertical suplex plants Apollo again. The torture rack finishes Apollo at 3:17.

Rating: C-. Total squash, but I’ve always liked Borga to a certain extent. You need to have him beat people up to make him seem more important, though the showdown with Lex Luger has to come at some point. Yes Borga is little more than than another foreign monster, but it still works well enough.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Paul Van Dale

Snuka jumps him to start but gets elbowed in the back of the head. Heenan calls Crush to ask why Randy Savage is in the battle royal but Crush isn’t. A headbutt drops Van Dale and Snuka hits him in the throat for a bonus. Savage tells Crush to say what he has to say as Crush talks about how he is in great shape. A shot to the ribs drops Van Dale again as Heenan wonders if he can get the charges on the call reversed. Snuka’s leapfrog into the chop connects as I feel like I’m in a weird time warp. The slingshot suplex into the Superfly Splash finishes Van Dale at 4:34.

Rating: C-. The Splash still looked good and the fans reacted to it, but Snuka in 1993 feels like it belongs at some independent show rather than on Raw. He didn’t look great and the squash wasn’t exactly interesting, but I guess they were going for some nostalgia. It didn’t exactly work, but they were trying.

We look back at PJ Walker upsetting IRS thanks to Razor Ramon’s distraction.

IRS is in his office and still livid over the loss. He’ll get some revenge on Ramon in the battle royal. The closeup of IRS’ face is more than a little weird to see. Even weirder: Vince calls him Mr. Rotundo.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Barry Horowitz/Reno Riggins

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo, are defending. Hold on though as Riggins is sick so Horowitz has a replacement: the 1-2-3 Kid! The Kid kicks away at Jacques to start and everything breaks down fast. The champs are dropkicked outside for a meeting with Polo as the fans approve. Back in and a running elbow hits the Kid in the face to take over as Vince talks about the battle royal again.

Jacques slams Pierre onto the Kid and Pierre drops Jacques onto the Kid as the champs take over. There’s a double hot shot to keep the Kid in trouble but he kicks his way to freedom. With Jacques out on the floor and water to the face not working, Polo calls for a stretcher. Jacques is wheeled out but Pierre gets to keep defending on his own! I don’t know if that’s how the rules work but we take a break and come back with Pierre dropping a middle rope legdrop for two on Horowitz.

The middle rope headbutt makes it worse but for some reason, Pierre slam Horowitz into the corner for the tag to the Kid. A bunch of strikes put Pierre down but he low bridges Kid out to the floor. Polo sends the mostly out of it Kid back inside for the pin to retain the titles at 13:23.

Rating: C+. This was a nice change of pace as there was actually a story to the match. The fact that the Quebecers had to get cut in half to give Horowitz and the Kid a chance is kind of telling about how the match was going to go, but the did try. For a one off though, it was working, or at least as well as it could with a relatively uninterested crowd.

Razor Ramon comes out to say he’s ready for the battle royal, with Heenan trying to stir up some issues between Ramon and Savage.

Overall Rating: C+. This show had one goal and one goal only: make you care about next week’s battle royal. That was the entire focus of the show and it actually worked well, as it was treated as the most important thing going on anywhere. I could go for seeing the match now, which is impressive as I’ve seen it before and it wasn’t very good in the first place. Nice show here, with some ok wrestling but a locked in focus on what really matters.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 20, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

Last week saw the Quebecers win/steal the Tag Team Titles from the Steiner Brothers. You aren’t going to get the Steiners to go away that easily and now Scott gets a chance to beat Pierre to get another shot. Other than that, we don’t really have much going on as Survivor Series is two months away, so get ready for some squashes. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of the Quebecers winning the Tag Team Titles last week via DQ, as it was under Province Of Quebec (meaning complicated) Rules.

Opening sequence.

It’s a rough week for Bobby Heenan, who has a bad case of the sniffles after Doink threw water on him last week.

Pierre vs. Scott Steiner

Johnny Polo is the only second here. Scott starts fast and clotheslines Pierre down before sending him outside, with Polo already panicking. The piledriver, which would have been illegal last week, crushes Pierre again as Scott covers everything that would have lost them the titles (nice). We get a Muta Lock of all things, which feels so out of place in 1993….well America really.

Scott knocks him down again and Pierre needs a hug on the floor. Polo gets chased to the back and Scott steals his hockey stick as we take a break. Back with Scott holding Pierre at bay with said stick, but here is Jacques to uneven things up. Rick Steiner comes out to stare Jacques down, allowing Pierre to get in the cheap shot to take over for the first time. Polo gets in a cheap shot of his own and we hit the chinlock.

Like a true villain, Pierre doesn’t crank on it very hard but does put his feet on the ropes. Naturally Vince talks about Rush Limbaugh, because that’s what fans were wanting to hear. The Vader Bomb gets two on Scott and a middle rope legdrop is good for the same. A backslide gives Scott a breather and it’s a double knockdown for the extended breather. Back up and the Frankensteiner gives Scott the fast pin at 16:06.

Rating: C. This went on for a good while but I’ll take something like this over the endless parade of squash matches that you usually get around here. At the same time, you have to keep the Steiners strong and as was shown last week, the Quebecers can only win with the screwy rules. They did what they needed to do here, even if it dragged in the middle.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Laverne Magille

What a name for Bigelow’s victim. Bigelow misses a dropkick to start and gets dropkicked into the corner. That doesn’t last long as Bigelow suplex slams him down as Crush calls him. The recovery is going well but, again, Crush doesn’t want to talk to Randy Savage, hanging up on him for the second week in a row.

Bigelow hits some weird jumping kick and the chinlock goes on. The clubbing forearms set up the choking on the rope, with Magille being thrown over said rope to the floor. Back in and Magille avoids a charge but dives into a ram into the corner. Another suplex slam sets up the backsplash to give Bigelow the pin at 5:17.

Rating: C-. This was long and not exactly good, as Bigelow was looking sloppy at times and they felt like they were filling in time more than once. Then again that is exactly what they should have been doing, as there is only so much you can get out of a five minute squash. Bigelow was always good for some impressive looking stuff, but he didn’t get to do much here.

We look back at Doink The Clown throwing water on Bobby Heenan last week.

Heenan, claiming a 113 degree fever, is found to be at about 97 degrees.

Here is Bret Hart for a chat. Vince McMahon talks about the things that Bret has dealt with in this building, mainly involving Jerry Lawler. Bret tortured Lawler at Summerslam but the decision was overturned because he wouldn’t let go of the Sharpshooter. This gets a rather long recap, with Vince making it sound like an explanation to a jury.

Therefore, Lawler is the undisputed King of the WWF, but Bret (who finally gets to talk) isn’t so sure. It’s a great honor to be King of the Ring but Bret cares about his family honor more than anything else. Maybe Bret should have let the Sharpshooter go at Summerslam. Or not, as he should have held onto it longer. Lawler will have to step in the ring with him again one day and Bret will take away the head that wears the crown. Well that escalated quickly.

Mr. Perfect vs. Mike Bell

Perfect takes the arm to start and then slaps Bell in the face. The headlock works a bit better for Perfect and he runs Bell over with a shoulder. There’s the running dropkick and they head outside as this is one sided so far. Chops against the post and in the corner back inside ensue, setting up the necksnap to keep Bell in trouble. The knee lift and dropkick set up the PerfectPlex for the pin at 3:51.

Rating: C. Now that was more like it, as Perfect barely broke a sweat here and won with absolutely no trouble. Perfect could make things look so smooth out there and that was on full display here. This was a good year for Perfect, who got to show that he could still do it as well as he did before, but with a bit more of a veteran style to it. Nice stuff here, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

Ludvig Borga doesn’t like trash or Lex Luger, who STANDS UP for trash.

Bobby Heenan talks to a man who proposed to his girlfriend, but Heenan makes the woman hold his Kleenex. Then he steals her popcorn.

IRS vs. PJ Walker

Walker is better known as Justin Credible but IRS declares him a tax cheat. IRS takes him outside for an early whip into the steps as Razor Ramon comes out to watch. That’s enough of a distraction for Walker to grab a rollup for the big upset at 1:19.

The Quebecers know the Steiners have earned a title shot….but there are more deserving teams so the Quebecers will defend against them instead. The Steiners being suspended around this time is just a coincidence I assure you.

The preview (including JIMMY SNUKA of all people, complete with the famous cage splash footage) wraps us up.

Overall Rating: C. The opener got the time to make things a bit better and the upset in the end was a nice surprise. This was much more to the formula for the early days of Raw and it wasn’t a half bad show. There is good stuff around this time and if you can get through some of the boring, it can be pretty entertaining to watch week to week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 13, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

We’re just done with Summerslam and that means there isn’t much going on until Survivor Series in November. This week features a pretty big match as the Steiners are defending the Tag Team Titles against the Quebecers in a Quebec Province match, in what can only be a completely normal match. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Steiner Brothers

Quebec Province rules, meaning the titles can change hands via countout/DQ, piledrivers are legal and throwing someone over the top is a DQ. Rick and Jacques start things off with the latter hitting some knees to the ribs in the corner. That earns him a shot to the face and Jacques bails to the floor.

Pierre comes in and gets powerslammed for two so it’s Scott coming in for the tiger driver and two. The armbar goes on for a bit before Scott hits a nice dropkick for two. Back up and Pierre knocks Scott into the corner before dropping a fist for two of his own. Scott makes the quick comeback and hands it off to Rick, who almost uses the illegal piledriver as we take a break.

We come back with Rick sending Jacques through the ropes (legal) and Scott grabbing a headlock on Pierre. The overhead belly to belly gives Scott two more and we hit the half crab. Rick comes back in for a half crab of his own, but for some reason half plus half doesn’t equal Boston. Jacques’ save attempt doesn’t work and the Steiners get to keep taking turns, though Scott does stop to point at Johnny Polo.

Rick’s middle rope….something hits not quite raised knees (that didn’t work) but Rick is fine enough to belly to back superplex Pierre for two. Jacques makes the save and it’s time for a Quebecers/Polo huddle as we take a break. Back with Scott getting double kicked down and Pierre being slammed onto him for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by a Vader Bomb to give Pierre two more. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Scott for….what appears to be some miscommunication over who is legal so Scott comes back with something like a spinning DDT.

The hot tag is broken up though and Scott gets sent outside to keep up the beating. Scott finally fights his way out of trouble for a triple knockdown and the tag brings in Rick to clean house. Everything breaks down and it’s back to Scott, who gets in a fight with Jacques over the hockey stick. Scott finally loses his cool (no, really) and hits Jacques with the stick for the DQ and the titles at 17:35 (that’s a LONG match for the old days of Raw).

Rating: B. This was a match with all kinds of gimmicks and rules but it wound up being a regular tag match that worked out rather well. The Quebecers weren’t a great team but they were capable of working well with another good team. Therefore, the Steiners were more than capable of making something like this work, with the Quebecers winning the titles via the match’s rather insane rules. Good stuff, and very different from what you would get around this time.

Bobby is ECSTATIC over the title change, as you probably expected.

Mr. Perfect vs. Tony DeVito

Perfect knocks him outside to start and takes it to the back before bringing it right back to the ring. DeVito hits a dropkick but Perfect runs over him and hits a not so perfect dropkick of his own. A knee lift sets up the PerfectPlex to give Perfect the pin at 2:44. Not the best squash here and Perfect even gets in a few shots after the match, so maybe he was in a bad mood.

After Summerslam, Ludvig Borga mocked Lex Luger for choking and issued the challenge.

Razor Ramon vs. The Executioner

That Executioner looks rather Barry Horowitzish, even with the mask on. Executioner actually starts fast and knocks Razor outside in a heap. Back in and Razor wins a slugout before grabbing the abdominal stretch. The belly to back superplex finishes the Executioner at 2:32, as he wasn’t even worthy of the Razor’s Edge.

Actually he is, as Razor gives him the Edge post match. Well that’s excessive.

Vince McMahon brings out the Quebecers and Johnny Polo for their victory speech. To say Polo is excited is an understatement as Jacques compares the win to the Toronto Blue Jays and Montreal Canadiens. Vince thinks the Steiners deserve a rematch and the end result is a Steiner vs. a Quebecer next week, with Scott having to win to get a future title shot. The fans singing and conducting the Quebecers’ theme song should tell you where their support lies.

Bobby Heenan and Randy Savage were on the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

Doink The Clown vs. Rich Myers

Doink has two buckets, one of which contains confetti, meaning I think you know where this is going. Myers jumps him from behind to start and gets belly to belly suplexed for his efforts. A pumphandle slam plants Myers again and there’s a nasty German suplex to make it worse. Crush calls in to talk about his recovery but then hangs up on Randy Savage, who apparently isn’t on the best terms with him. The Whoopee Cushion finishes Myers at 2:04.

Post match, yeah the other bucket has water inside, and yeah it goes on Heenan. Anything that involves Heenan doing physical comedy is a positive moment.

Post break, Doink comes out and whips out another bucket, which is more confetti.

The preview for next week reveals that it’s Scott Steiner vs. Pierre to get the Steiners another title shot.

Overall Rating: C+. This was ALL about the Tag Team Title change, but the rest of the show was so worthless that it was really hard to care. It says a lot when three squashes could be so lame that they bring down a rather good tag match but the early days of Raw had that kind of power. It’s nice to see at least one solid match though as that’s more than you get around here most of the time. The title change is kind of famous for a reason, and it happens to come in a good match. Not a great show, but the important part worked.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 21, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

This is a weird one as the most recent show (from two weeks ago due to the Dog Show) was taped from the previous cycle, then this one is live, and then next week is taped again from the previous location. Other than that though, we have Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty challenging for the Tag Team Titles, plus Bret Hart vs. a Heavenly Body. Which Heavenly Body? A Heavenly Body. Let’s get to it.

Here is the most recent episode if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Vince introduces Savage for commentary, which is a big update over Bastion Booger. Savage is excited to be here believe it or not.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Razor Ramon/Marty Jannetty

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo are defending. Actually hang on as we have a switch.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Razor Ramon/1-2-3 Kid

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo, are defending and we don’t get a reason for the switch. We start fast with Razor fall away slamming the Kid at Pierre and the champs need a breather on the floor. The stalling continues for a good while before they get back inside with Pierre slowing it down against Kid. He slows it down so much that Razor comes in for a top wristlock into a headlock.

Polo offers a distraction though, allowing the Quebecers to stomp away. Razor gets outside and Razor’s Edges Polo on the floor, which is about as big of the total destruction moves as you’ll see from this era. We take a break and come back with Razor handing it off to Kid to stay on Pierre’s arm. Razor comes back in to counter a leapfrog into an atomic drop, which Vince dubs accidental.

As I try to figure out what Vince would consider intentional, Kid starts working on the leg to mix it up. Razor gets kicked into the corner so Jacques comes in, earning himself a leg crank of his own. Cue Diesel to watch as Vince doesn’t approve of the refereeing. We take a break and come back with some heel miscommunication allowing the hot tag to the Kid.

A spinwheel kick bangs up Kid’s already injured knee and the champs drop him ribs first across the top rope. Jacques slams Pierre onto Kid for two but they try it again and get broken up, allowing the tag off to Razor. The belly to back superplex drops Jacques and there’s the Razor’s Edge to Pierre….but Shawn Michaels comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This got a LONG time but it wasn’t exactly exciting stuff for a long stretch. Shawn running in for the DQ is a fine way to retain the title and Razor/Kid would have been a better option to challenge for the titles than Razor and Jannetty anyway. Not a great match, but it felt big and that is a good thing.

Next week: Randy Savage vs. Yokozuna for the WWF Title. Well that’s an upgrade.

Jim Cornette comes out to shout about how Yokozuna will crush Savage, who disagrees.

Bret Hart vs. Tom Prichard

Jim Cornette is here with Prichard. Vince goes into a discussion of the Dallas Cowboys, which I would call an upgrade. Feeling out process to start with Bret’s headscissors not getting him anywhere. Bret does it again and we get another standoff. Back up and Bret grabs a headlock but gets drop toeholded down, setting up a hammerlock. A backdrop sends Prichard outside and Bret works on the arm back inside.

Vince points out Nikolai Volkoff at ringside, with Savage deeming him as ugly as ever. As you try to figure out why Volkoff was getting a story in 1994, Bret works on the arm, including a snapmare into an armbar as we take a break. Back with Prichard raking the eyes as we hear about Donny Wahlberg coming to Wrestlemania. We’re so lucky that he calls in to the show as Vince talks about listening to the new New Kids On The Block album.

Prichard grabs the chinlock as Donny denies having any jealousy of his brother Mark Wahlberg. A jawbreaker gets Bret out of trouble and a backslide gives him two. Prichard snapmares him down into a chinlock with a knee in the back. Cornette goes to get in a cheap shot with the tennis racket but Savage sends him into the steps to cut that off.

We take another break and come back with Bret grabbing a small package for two. The backbreaker into the middle rope elbow gets two as Savage has stolen the tennis racket, leaving Cornette looking really weird. Prichard knocks Bret outside and here is Owen Hart to throw him back inside. Bret doesn’t seem to mind and grabs the Sharpshooter to win.

Rating: C+. Bret got some time here and that is always often going to work. It helps when you have someone as talented as Prichard in there. I know he’s remembered as part of a pretty middle of the road team in the WWF but he really was good at what he did and could work just fine in this spot.

Post match Bret and Owen yell at each other a lot.

It’s the Wrestlemania Report with Todd Pettingill. Rather than matches though, we talk about the celebrities, because they’re what really matter. This includes two Showtime movie critics who used to be cab drivers, though I don’t think they were on the show. We get around to the matches, which is just a big list of them. This whole thing went over five minutes and didn’t add anything significant.

Little Richard is ready for Wrestlemania.

Jim Cornette and Yokozuna come to the ring to yell at Randy Savage, who is ready to go right now. Yelling ensues to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a rare show with two long matches and it set up some things for next week. The fact that next week is last week is a different story, but this was still in the formative years of the show. You can feel Wrestlemania season starting to come together though and I’m wanting to see how the build goes to one of the most important shows the company has ever had.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 7, 1994
Location: Fernwood Resort, Bushkill, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bastion Booger

We are fresh off of the Royal Rumble and on the way to Wrestlemania, but that is going to prove tricky. Bret Hart and Lex Luger are the co-winners of the Royal Rumble and that means we are going to need to figure out more than a few things. Other than that, Wrestlemania is going to need so work done so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of 1-2-3 Kid stealing IRS’s briefcase last week. Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty then saved the little thief from getting what was coming to him.

Opening sequence.

Vince McMahon introduces Bastion Booger (oh boy) and promises to introduce us to Thurman Plugg, whose friends call him Sparky! Booger actually talks, which is more than I was expecting. The card is run down and Booger eats a lot.

Smoking Gunns vs. Reno Riggins/Barry Horowitz

We hear about Booger wanting to host the Oscars instead of Whoopi Goldberg as Billy armdrags Riggins down a few times to start. Riggins gets sent outside and needs a meeting with Horowitz (Barry recommends more patting on the back) before coming back inside to get his arm cranked again. Bart drops Riggins with a suplex as Booger thinks he should be part of a tag team. Vince: “What about Roseanne Barr?” After some jokes about Freddie Blassie’s upcoming birthday, Bart brings in Billy for a top rope splash/something like a powerbomb combination to finish Riggins.

Rating: C-. Just a squash here but egads it is going to be a rough time to listen to Booger all night long. His voice is weird enough and then hearing him make jokes about pop culture and current stories doesn’t make it better. That being said, the Gunns continue to be one of the better teams of their generation and it is fun going back and seeing them do their thing.

We look back at Owen Hart turning on Bret Hart at the Royal Rumble.

Owen is happy with what he did after Bret cost him the Tag Team Titles.

Bret can’t let this keep going and thinks he has to do something about Owen.

Owen Hart vs. John Paul

Owen rips up some Bret Hart sunglasses that he teases giving to a fan for some good heeling. Fans: “WE WANT BRET!” Booger: “I WANT PIZZA!” Owen works on the arm to start and cranks away, only to get elbowed in the face. We talk about some weight loss show as Owen hits a backbreaker. Booger still wants pizza but Vince pitches ICO-PRO instead. That doesn’t work for Booger, as I guess he doesn’t want it. A snap suplex has Paul in trouble but he manages to send Owen into the buckle. That just earns him the spinwheel kick for two as Owen pulls him up. The enziguri sets up the Sharpshooter to end Paul.

Rating: C. I can go for more of Owen but EGADS the commentary is killing this show. Anyway, Owen is on the way to a showdown with Bret, whenever they get around to announcing the show. Another total squash, which unfortunately was more about the annoyance from Booger than anything else.

Paul Bearer is in the graveyard and insists that Undertaker may be gone but he has never left us. He comes to the graveyard to be closer to Undertaker’s spirit and you must have faith in the fact that one day, he will rise again.

The WWF Fan Festival is coming. That would be the forerunner to Axxess.

IRS vs. Marty Jannetty

IRS accuses the locals of being a bunch of tax cheats, as is his custom. Vince hypes up the Fan Festival as a way to get in the ring, get a photo with Paul Bearer, or MEET MARTY JANNETTY! IRS slugs away to start and gets his with a dropkick that didn’t look so great. Back up and the jumping back elbow sends IRS outside for a breather as tends to be his custom. We hit the pause as Booger and Vince talk about pizza.

Back in and Marty grabs a headlock takeover before working on the arm. Jannetty throws him outside for a change and gets posted for being such a cheater. A sunset flip gives Jannetty two back inside but cue the Quebecers as we take a break. Back with the Quebecers having been ejected following a double stomping of Jannetty during the break. IRS grabs the abdominal stretch with one arm and the rope with the other as Booger now wants hot dogs and hamburgers.

With that broken up, we hit the chinlock for a bit as Vince and Booger thankfully run out of food jokes. Jannetty fights up but here is Johnny Polo for a distraction as a faceplant looks to finish IRS. Cue Razor Ramon to cancel out Polo so the Quebecers come out as well. A sleeper has IRS in more trouble but Polo breaks up a slingshot and IRS steals the pin.

Rating: C-. This is a match that should have been better as you had two talented stars in there but Jannetty wasn’t exactly looking lively. I’m sure I couldn’t imagine why that was the case but it didn’t exactly work well. IRS was his usual slow paced self which works well if you have someone more high energy to work off of him. Jannetty is capable of doing that but it wasn’t happening this time.

Post match the Quebecers and Razor get inside for the brawl but Jannetty makes the save, likely setting up a pretty good tag match.

Yep, in two weeks (no show next week due to the annual Dog Show), Razor and Jannetty get a Tag Team Title shot against the Quebecers. Booger eats hot dogs as a result.

Thurman Plugg vs. Duane Gill

Plugg starts fast with a snap suplex as Booger chokes on a hot dog. Gill gets knocked into the corner and kicked in the ribs, setting up a powerslam. Vince switches his mind and says that the Tag Team Title match MIGHT take place in two weeks as Plugg hits another suplex. The Overhead Cam (top rope knee) finishes Gill off.

Rating: C-. What do you say about a guy named Thurman Plugg who is occasionally called Sparky? It’s one of the all time lame gimmicks and there isn’t much that anyone could do with the thing. Having a race car driver as a wrestling occupation is fine, but what is he supposed to do with that stupid name?

It’s the Wrestlemania Report so we start with the “historic” coin toss that determined Lex Luger gets to face Yokozuna first at Wrestlemania. Bret Hart will get a shot at the winner, whether he beats Owen Hart in his own first match or not. As screwy as this is, I’ll take it over what would be a triple threat today.

Jim Cornette rants about Yokozuna having to face Lex Luger because he already got his chance.

Also at Wrestlemania: Crush vs. Randy Savage in a weird falls count anywhere/Last Man Standing hybrid that was memorable but didn’t really work.

Crush vs. Thornberg

Crush hits a headbutt to start before snapping him down into a Fujiwara armbar. Vince talks about FOX offering Diane Sawyer $10 million for….well something I guess. More pounding ensues as Booger wants to get to the Madison Square Garden concession stands. A gorilla press into a legdrop of all things gives Crush the easy win.

The Tag Team Title match is on in two weeks.

Johnny Polo and the Quebecers aren’t happy.

Since the Dog Show is in two weeks, Booger eats some dog treats.

Men On A Mission, the Bushwhackers, Doink and Dink all bark to end the show. Thank goodness.

Overall Rating: D. This was brought WAY down by the commentary, as the joke got old in about four minutes. On top of that, it’s too early to really get the meat of Wrestlemania set. There are pieces of it set up, but they are too far out for that to matter. The highlight of the show was a pretty lame Marty Jannetty match and that should tell you all you need to know about this week.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 2, 1994
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Burlington, Vermont
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Randy Savage, Vince McMahon

It’s time for another new month as I keep trying to finish up 1994. This time around we are in between Wrestlemania X and King of the Ring, putting us halfway between an all time classic and one of the worst shows in recorded history. I’m not sure what that is going to mean at the moment but maybe we can get something good out of this one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Last week, Captain Lou Albano was WAY too excited over the Headshrinkers getting a Tag Team Title shot this week. Johnny Polo (soon to be known as Raven) came out to yell so Randy Savage held him for a shot from Albano. The Quebecers ran out and it was such a mess that we had to go to the opening sequence. Did seem like a fairly hot ending though.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Headshrinkers

The Quebecers are defending and have Johnny Polo here to balance out Afa and Albano. Pierre and Fatu start things off in a match that would be incredibly different today. Fatu runs him over without much effort and then drops Pierre with a headbutt. Jacques comes in and gets headbutted by Samu as everything breaks down. The champs are clotheslined out to the floor in a heap and it’s time to walk to the back with Polo. Hold on though as we get the old “either come back and fight or lose the titles” announcement, which Savage calls the ONLY decision. Savage doesn’t quite know what ONLY means and we take a break.

Back with Fatu slamming Pierre for two and a big chop lets Fatu pose a bit. A clothesline Fatu outside though and Jacques sends him into the steps. That shouldn’t hurt but a clothesline/STO combination seems to. Pierre is slammed onto Fatu for two and we take another break.

Back again with Samu coming in off the hot tag to clean house but misses the charge and gets his head caught in the ropes. The piledriver plants Samu and for some reason Vince thinks that would work. Instead of covering it’s the Cannonball though, with Samu rolling out of the way. Afa and Albano beat up Johnny Polo as Jacques hits Pierre by mistake. Pierre hits Jacques back and it’s back to Fatu for the double Stroke. Fatu’s top rope splash connects for the pin and the titles at 20:14.

Rating: C. The match was a lot longer than it needed to be but I’ve always liked the Headshrinkers so it was good for a smile. They were never going to be the next big thing (though they held the titles until September) but this was still in the early days of Raw when a title change was still a big deal.

King Of The Ring report, with Todd Pettengill explaining the tournament and talking about how hard it is to win. There are some qualifying matches starting this weekend with only eight spots available. The show is going to be even better with Art Donovan making a special appearance. I don’t think special is the right word.

Chief Jay Strongbow talks about how Tatanka is on the warpath. He sounds like he’s reading announcements at the local library.

Tatanka vs. Derek Domino

Make your own Eric Clapton jokes. Tatanka starts fast by ramming him into the corner a few times and snaps off a belly to back suplex. Domino hits a loud chop, which just annoys Tatanka again (you NEVER annoy Tatanka). IRS calls in to explain that he destroyed Tatanka’s headdress because there were gift taxes due. A head fake sends Domino down and a middle rope chop drops him again.

Some whips into the corner rock Domino again and a suplex has him falling over like a row of….never mind. Commentary does its pop culture stuff before moving on to Doink wanting revenge on Jeff Jarrett. We hit the armbar, because this match needs an armbar almost four minutes in. Domino gets in a few more shots but Tatanka goes on the war path to start the comeback. The Papoose To Go finishes Domino at 5:18.

Rating: D. This was a good bit longer than it needed to and it isn’t like Strongbow means very much in Tatanka’s corner. The armbar in the middle made me wonder how in the world this could have kept going, but that’s 1994 WWF for you. The jobber didn’t do much good either, as Domino didn’t have much of an effect.

House show rundown.

It’s time for the King’s Court, with Jerry Lawler running down Piper’s Pit to start. Piper isn’t around anymore but he does have a new hobby: collecting dust. Speaking of relics, you have Razor Ramon, who is living life in the PAST lane. That brings us to his guest, the man who defeated Ramon for the Intercontinental Title: Diesel.

Lawler asks about the lack of Shawn Michaels, but apparently Shawn sacrificed himself to help Diesel win the title. We see a clip of Diesel knocking Shawn off the top rope (by mistake) in the title match but he’ll be back soon. As for Razor Ramon, he wasn’t quite bad enough to hold onto the title. Diesel needs something else to do though, so he wants Bret Hart and the WWF Title at King of the Ring.

Fans have been seeing the Undertaker in various places. Like…..outside on a slide!

Yokozuna vs. Mike Davis/Scott Taylor

Yokozuna has Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji with him as usual. Yokozuna knocks Davis down to start and drops the leg as Savage reads a copy about a “world premiere movie encore”. A swinging Rock Bottom plants Taylor (the future Scotty 2 Hotty) and he gets sent outside, which Cornette says is the Yokozuna Delivery Service. Yokozuna throws Davis in the general vicinity of the rope instead of over it, leaving Taylor to get planted with a belly to back. Back in and commentary talks about wacky things in baseball because this isn’t exactly going anywhere. A double Banzai Drop wraps it up.

Rating: D+. It could have been worse, but this was a rather slow paced squash with Yokozuna being a bit beyond the point where this was impressive. It was hardly terrible but you’re only going to get so much out of a match like this. At least Cornette was there for a good line with the delivery service.

Post match Davis gets his own Banzai Drop, with Yokozuna sitting on him for a bit longer. There’s another for Taylor as well, with Savage begging for someone to get Yokozuna a chair. Cue Earthquake to clear Yokozuna out.

Post break Earthquake is sick of hearing about being asked when he’ll face Yokozuna so the challenge is on.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener helped a lot as it was a fairly decent match with some time to go along with the title change. We’re on the way to the King of the Ring, which is going to be a long haul because a lot of the show can’t be advertised, though Earthquake vs. Yokozuna in a total freak show match could be a bit of fun. The rest though….egads this could be rough.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 27, 1993
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jacques, Pierre

It’s the final show of the year and that means….well nothing really as one of the major matches announced for this week is Marty Jannetty vs. Johnny Polo. I have no idea why that’s supposed to make me want to stick around and watch the show but no one ever accused 1993 of making sense. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Yokozuna/Ludvig Borga vs. Lex Luger/Tatanka in what should have been a pretty hot house show feud. I don’t think it ever happened on TV, even though it should have been a layup.

The announcers preview the show and it’s as weird as it would seem to be.

Lex Luger vs. Barry Horowitz

Luger sends him into the ropes as the announcers speak a lot of French for the running joke of the show. I mean, it’s not a funny joke but it is in fact a running joke. Barry pokes him in the eye to get out of some arm work as we hear about Bret and Owen Hart getting a Tag Team Title shot at the Royal Rumble. Horowitz actually gets in some offense as the Quebecers switch over to Spanish. Lex shrugs it off and grabs a powerslam before finishing with a superplex.

Rating: D+. Better than I was expecting here with Barry getting in a good amount of offense. The superplex was a good option for a finisher instead of the Rack, which I believe Borga was using at this point. It’s always cool to see a simple move used as a finisher and it’s not like it’s hard to do. Just let the move get some pins and it’s instantly a finisher. Why is that so complicated?

We look back at Johnny Polo interfering in a match between the 1-2-3 Kid and Marty Jannetty, causing a double countout.

Polo brags about beating both the Kid and Jannetty at the same time so tonight it’ll be easy to beat Jannetty on his own.

Marty Jannetty vs. Johnny Polo

Polo actually gets a takedown to start (Jacques: “Isn’t that two points? Call the Steiners!”) and scores with an armdrag for good measure. Marty comes back with an atomic drop for the funny selling and it’s off to the arm. A missed charge sends Marty outside in a heap though and Johnny does a fairly scary scream into the camera. Back in and they collide as this is already going longer than I was expecting. Can you imagine Ricky Steamboat vs. Mr. Fuji going this long? Then again that was a Kung Fu Challenge and not a match so it’s not the fairest comparison.

Marty’s jumping back elbow sets up a high crossbody for two. Polo gets dropkicked outside so Pierre goes to check on him, earning himself a baseball slide. A second distraction fails and Marty gets in a superkick but opts to dive onto Pierre like a villain would do. Back in and Marty grabs a sunset flip but Pierre holds Polo’s hands to give him the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s quite the long match but I always like Polo as he was just having a blast making fun of everyone. It’s always cool to have a manager who can wrestle a match if the need arises as it can add a lot of options to the stories. Not a terrible match here but WAY longer than it needed to be.

Pierre is ejected….from commentary. Can a referee do that? Isn’t that taking your job a bit far? Especially when it’s not even in a match.

Yokozuna dreams about being Santa Claus and wakes up, realizing it was only a nightmare.

Doink the Clown vs. Spike Gray

It’s clearly no longer Matt Borne playing the character as he’s taller and skinnier than he was a few weeks back. Before the match, Dink gives Doink some gum. Spike gets some as well but it’s something like a mini-mousetrap. Dink kicks him in the shin, which isn’t a DQ because the referee is probably too busy ejecting the popcorn vendor from section 138 because he’s a power mad nutjob. Dink punches Gray in the face, setting up a German suplex for the pin. How in the world are these two supposed to be faces? I mean, clowns are evil by definition and now they cheat? Think this stuff through Vince.

The Royal Rumble Report fills up time. The only new stuff here is the Hart Brothers saying they’ll win the Tag Team Titles.

Crush vs. Mike Moraldo

Crush knocks him down without much effort to start as the announcers talk about the Quebecers vs. the Hart Brothers. Talk about a match that would really set the company on fire down the road. The head vice ends Moraldo without too much effort.

Undertaker is still making that casket. I had no idea it took that much effort to put one of those things together. Or maybe Undertaker is just really bad at his job and should take up something else. Like motorcycle maintenance.

Bret tells us to not drink and drive.

We look at Alundra Blayze defeating Heidilee (yes it’s one word) Morgan for the Women’s Title. This looked like every bad women’s match you would have seen in this era.

Kwang is coming. Hopefully he leaves even faster.

Razor Ramon vs. Derek Domino

Non-title and non-gold chains for Ramon. Razor start with the driving shoulders but Derek makes the mistake of slapping him in the face. Domino (whose singlet is half down for some reason) gets sat on the top rope for a super fall away slam. Razor slaps him in the back of the head a few times and grabs the abdominal stretch. That goes nowhere so it’s the super belly to back into the Razor’s Edge for the pin.

Rating: D. Yeah fine as Razor continues to be one of the best midcard acts of all time. The belly to back superplex is something that doesn’t get the credit it deserves as Razor just tosses people around with the thing. You can hear all the talk about Shawn Michaels and the Intercontinental Title and that’s only going to lead to good things all around.

Overall Rating: D+. It wasn’t the kindest month to Raw but since the show debuted less than a year ago, it’s not like they have a lot to compare it to. The longer matches were a bit better this week though and there was no Men on a Mission or Jeff Jarrett so we’ll call this a slight improvement over last week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 31, 1994
Location: Fernwood Resort, Bushkill, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Irwin R. Schyster

We’re finally on a new taping cycle and that means we’re getting ready to start the build towards Wrestlemania X. In that case we need to have some clarification on the World Title situation, which is one heck of a mess at this point. As for tonight though, it’s the 1-2-3 Kid vs. Johnny Polo, which would be one heck of a drug conversation. Let’s get to it.

We take a quick look at the Bret Hart vs. Lex Luger situation. They tied in the Royal Rumble so we need to know who faces Yokozuna for the title first. The solution? A coin toss! I know face vs. face was rare back then but a coin toss? Really?

Opening sequence.

For reasons I don’t even want to comprehend, IRS is on commentary. He offers the loser of the coin toss a pair of Buffalo Bills t-shirts. Luger is originally from Buffalo so he might be happy with those.

Marty Jannetty vs. Johnny Polo

Jannetty is replacing an injured Kid who is relegated to commentary. Here’s what I don’t get: the Kid injured his leg on January 17 and the commentary that announced his match vs. Polo was recorded after the Rumble on January 22. So why in the world did they even bother announcing the match in the first place? The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Johnny Polo isn’t exactly a masterpiece so how does Marty being in there instead make any difference?

Anyway Polo insults the crowd and the Kid so Marty ties him up with the microphone cord and laughs at him a lot. Polo is sent outside and teases leaving but gets slammed in the aisle instead. Hey now, he might have had a reservation at Cracker Barrel. Back in and Marty takes a shot to the face and seems a bit, ahem……oh you know what I mean. Back from a break with Marty botching his half of a backdrop (dude it’s a simple front flip) and getting caught in a chinlock. Normally I’d say he can’t botch anything out of there but you never can tell. Marty fights up and a bad looking collision sends Polo outside.

Back in and we hit the pinfall reversal sequence before Johnny slows things back down with a headlock. Polo goes up to for the “I’m only going up top so I can dive onto your raised boot” spot and it’s time for the comeback. Marty crotches him on top but charges into the post. The Rocker Dropper finishes Polo a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. Thank goodness Polo was trying here because it was clear that Marty was in no condition to do anything. I still don’t get how anyone could ever make it back on TV when they look like that. It’s clear that Marty, who could wrestle circles around a lot of people when he’s clean, is in bad shape when he can’t take a backdrop. Why was he allowed to go back out there without getting in some real trouble?

IRS goes after the Kid post match and loses his briefcase somewhere in between. Cue Razor Ramon, who has recovered his gold chains which IRS stole. It seems that Kid took it, which makes me wonder how IRS couldn’t catch a guy on a broken leg.

After a break, IRS blames Marty for the chains being stolen.

Jack Tunney explains the World Title situation and the weird coin toss/mini tournament idea (there are brackets for this thing) for Wrestlemania. There will be guest referees for both matches. Of note: a Videocassette of the Year Award on the wall featuring Survivor Series 1987. Can we watch that instead? This whole thing is actually rather complicated, or at least moreso than it probably should have been. Today it would just be a triple threat so it’s better in a way…..I think?

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Miguel Rosado

IRS officially challenges Marty for next week, which he’ll accept if he has any guts. Normally those would be fighting words but in Marty’s condition, he’ll probably build a swing set shaped like a goldfish. Bigelow beats on him, beats on him some more, shrugs off a lame comeback and finishes with a falling headbutt.

It’s coin toss time, which includes another explanation of the rules for the live crowd. I have no idea why Tony Garea, Blackjack Lanza and various other yes men are there too. Luger wins and gets to face Yokozuna first (he would have faced Crush otherwise) and can’t wait to wrestle twice at Wrestlemania. Bret is upset about having to face Owen but there’s no way around it.

Kwang vs. Rich Myers

Kwang is Savio Vega in a masked Japanese gimmick. Some chops and a spinwheel kick in the corner stagger Myers as we go to Owen Hart on the phone. Owen is the real winner of the coin toss because he gets to prove that he’s better than Bret. The fans are doing the Wave in the tiny arena as this boring squash continues, complete with martial arts posing. Kwang ducks a middle rope crossbody and finishes with a superkick.

Rating: D-. It says a lot when a phone call is the highlight of the match. Normally I get annoyed at fans for doing something like the Wave but……yeah it must get a bit boring with all of these squashes in a row. Kwang was a goofy gimmick and it’s pretty clear you’re done when your name might come on screen during an Adam West Batman fight.

Time for the Wrestlemania Report and we recap the World Title situation for a ridiculous third time. It REALLY shouldn’t be that hard.

Paul Bearer knows the Undertaker is coming back.

Earthquake vs. Corey Student

That’s a horrible name, even by jobber standards. Student goes after him to start and is thrown down even faster than you would expect him to be. An over the shoulder backbreaker makes things even worse, even with IRS saying it’s an illegal hold. A slam sets up the Earthquake to finish the squash, which Vince actually called it earlier on.

Rating: D. Of all the people they could pick to push as a face, it’s Earthquake? If nothing else it’s kind of amazing that it was only three and a half years ago that Earthquake was the top heel in the company. Nothing to see here, other than that really horrible jobber’s name. Seriously: Corey Student?

Marty and Razor accept IRS’ challenge with Marty going on an anti-government rant.

We run down next week’s card to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D. It wasn’t a good show or anything but above all else it felt like something important was actually going on here. That’s a problem that plagues so many of the shows from this era (and a lot of them today as well) but when things feel important, even a series of jobber matches are a bit easier to sit through.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6