IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 4, 2004
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and after last week, we know most of what we have for most of the pay per view. The problem is that means we know what’s coming and that’s not the most appealing thing in the world. Last week’s show wasn’t the most interesting in the world with a long Orlando Jordan match making it even worse. Hopefully that’s not the case this week so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at the Tough Enough guys having to work out a lot today, then eat pasta and drink milk before working out again. After two hours of training, it’s time to go to the ring for the opening of the show.

The Tough Enough finalists are in the ring and Al Snow brings out Kurt Angle as a special guest. Angle yells at all of them and threatens most of them, mainly telling them to shut up, though Mizanin does get an MTV SUCKS. Justice has nothing to say and starts smiling, which doesn’t sit well with Angle. He brings up last week’s issues with Big Show, which didn’t impress him.

Angle shot Big Show with a tranquilizer and shaved his head because that’s tough. This is Angle’s ring and in Angle’s ring, you’re the St. Louis Cardinals and he’s the Boston Red Sox (recent World Series matchup with the Red Sox sweeping the Cardinals). Yeah they have a chance to win a million dollars and for that he hates them because he didn’t earn it. Angle has them back up and demonstrates six squat thrusts.

Tonight we’re having a competition with the winner being the person who can do the most squat thrusts. They all mess up the first one and as the competition goes on, here’s a two minute recap of last week’s segment with Big Show. Back with referee Charles Robinson helping to judge and they pick up the pace as Justice is the first eliminated after nearly four minutes of exercising. More eliminations get us down to Puder and Nawrocki with Puder being eliminated seconds later. Nawrocki’s reward: a match with Angle right now. Total time spent watching seven wrestling hopefuls do exercises: five minutes.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Nawrocki

Angle wrestles him down for a pin in 29 seconds, breaking Chris’ ribs in the process.

We’re still not done yet as Puder volunteers to face Angle as well.

Kurt Angle vs. Daniel Puder

Angle takes him down into a front facelock and we get a LOUD UFC chant. They grapple against the ropes and Puder gets a keylock but Angle gets on top of him for a pin, despite the shoulder pretty clearly being up.

From what I (a casual UFC fan at best) can tell, Puder would have snapped his arm as the hold was in full and Robinson was smart enough to count the pin before Angle had his arm broken or had to tap out. It’s not surprising as Puder has experience in this kind of fighting, though I do wonder how hard Angle was actually going against him.

Still though, Puder had a chance and went for it so good for him. I mean, not the best idea in the world for your long term career, but if you’re told it’s a real fight and you have that kind of training, this could happen. He caught Angle off guard, showing why this was a pretty bad idea from WWE’s side of things.

Post match Angle talks trash to Puder and tells him to stay off his back in a wrestling contest. Angle declares none of them tough enough and wants them out of his face.

We look back at Booker T. beating Orlando Jordan last week to earn a shot at JBL at Survivor Series.

JBL slaps Josh Matthews in the face for asking about Jordan losing. Jordan threatens him too and Josh stands up for himself, saying he’s tired of taking this kind of abuse. Josh says Jordan needs to have his head in the game rather than stuck inside JBL.

Booker T. vs. Orlando Jordan

Twenty minutes of Tough Enough, a Josh Matthews promo and now an Orlando Jordan match??? Is WWE mad at the fans for some reason? Booker strikes away in the corner to start and slaps on an armbar. The forearm cuts off Jordan’s offense and it’s right back to the armbar. A superkick drops Jordan again and there’s a spinebuster, drawing in JBL for the DQ.

Post match it’s the Clothesline From JBL to knock Booker out.

Spike Dudley tells Bubba Ray and D-Von to get rid of Big Show tonight so they can be on Team Angle at Survivor Series. Spike even has a plan: go to the ring and call out Big Show. Tables are encouraged. I’m still trying to figure out why Spike is in this role.

Josh Matthews comes in to see Theodore Long and is told to be professional. Booker barges in and wants JBL and Jordan tonight. That’s fine with Long, who gives him Josh as a partner. E pluribus gads what in the world is this show supposed to be? Is Josh some advertisement for Tough Enough? Is that the best thing they can do on a show like this?

The Dudleys are in the ring with Spike standing on a table and demanding Big Show come out here RIGHT NOW. Show comes out and gets distracted by Spike so a low blow can set up a 3D. Another table is brought in and Show chokeslams both of them through, leaving Spike to run while talking trash at the same time. I’m glad we established that the Big Show is in fact tough.

Post break Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak ask Angle who he can get as a fourth man. Angle says he has that covered and walks over to Carlito and Jesus to ask if Carlito wants in. Carlito swallows the apple and shakes Kurt’s hand.

Raw Rebound. We’re about forty five minutes into this show and, counting the Tough Enough matches, we’ve had about three and a half minutes of wrestling.

Rey Mysterio comes up to Rob Van Dam and speaks Spanish. Rob: “Little Timmy is stuck in the well???” They’re ready for their tag match.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns

Rey and Jindrak start things off with Mark not exactly looking impressed. The Rick Rude hip swivel takes too long and Rey pounds away on the ribs, setting up a headscissors into the corner. Van Dam comes in for the split legged moonsault but Jindrak drives him into the corner for the tag off to Reigns. A kick to the face doesn’t do much to slow him down so it’s a belly to back suplex into a chinlock to slow Van Dam down.

Another kick to the face works better for Rob so it’s back to Rey for the springboard seated senton. Jindrak breaks up the 619 though and we take a break. Back with Rey fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a half nelson driver. Jindrak sends him hard into the corner and let’s hit the uninterrupted hip swivel here. We also hit the chinlock as this isn’t exactly thrilling stuff.

The villains nearly miss a double shoulder so Reigns goes with the more accurate stomping to the back. That’s enough action though and it’s back to Jindrak for a double arm crank. The bearhug goes on, which is exactly the move you knew was coming. Rey finally grabs a tornado DDT to plant Reigns and it’s back to Van Dam as a few of the things break down. Rey backdrops Van Dam into a moonsault with Reigns having to make the save. The 619 knocks Jindrak into the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: D. I know I wanted more wrestling but I was hoping for something a little less sluggish than this one. Jindrak and Reigns are as lame of a pair of lackeys as you’re going to get and this was as much of a showcase of their shortcomings as you were going to find. Really dull match here and the last thing this show needed.

Post match Carlito and Jesus come out to throw Van Dam and Mysterio inside for the big beatdown. Eddie Guerrero makes the save with a chair.

Survivor Series rundown.

We look back at Undertaker signing to face Heidenreich and threatening Paul Heyman last week.

Eddie comes in to see Long and is told that Mysterio will be off the team. Mysterio will now be in a four way for the Cruiserweight Title with Spike Dudley, Chavo Guerrero and Billy Kidman. Therefore, Eddie needs to find a replacement and he has until next week. Long: “Comprende playa?”

We recap Jackie attacking Dawn Marie last week for suggesting that Dawn is having an affair with Charlie Haas.

And now: ARM WRESTLING! Dawn comes out first and dedicates her victory to Charlie Haas. They’re both in barely there clothes and Cole gets in the most interesting thing about this whole deal: these two have the same birthday. Dawn actually doesn’t waste time and just headbutts Jackie to start the catfight.

Haas comes in on crutches but here’s Heidenreich to beat him up. Jackie’s save attempt goes as well as you would expect as Heyman comes out saying that Heidenreich is going to get fired. Heyman keeps telling Heidenreich that it’s not Undertaker but Heidenreich gives Haas a shoulder breaker and the Undertaker folded arms pose.

Here are Snow and the Tough Enough guys again so here’s a recap of their evening so far. All of the contestants are presented for your voting consideration. Before they’re done, here’s Torrie Wilson to say they’ll be put to the ultimate test next week. At the start of next week’s show, they’ll be taking the Torrie Wilson Sex Test. They better be up to the challenge. Torrie looks at all of them to wrap this up.

Video on Big Show vs. Kurt Angle before their match next week.

Booker T./Josh Matthews vs. Orlando Jordan/John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL and Jordan get a jobbers’ entrance. Thankfully Booker and JBL start things off (yes JBL really is one of the two best options in this one) with Booker hammering away up against the ropes. A few shots in the corner have JBL in trouble but a shoulder drops Booker in short order. Jordan comes in and gets kicked in the face, drawing JBL for a failed save attempt as he elbows Jordan by mistake (or maybe because getting rid of Jordan improves his chances).

A superkick sends JBL outside and it’s off to Josh, who hits a rather nice high crossbody to Jordan. There’s a dropkick to knock JBL off the apron and it’s back to Booker but JBL gets in a forearm to knock Booker into Josh for a tag. Booker goes into the steps to make it even worse so Josh jumps on JBL’s back and ruffles his hair a bit. Jordan comes in and throws Josh around as the shirt comes off. The slow beating continues until Booker finally gets up and kicks Jordan in the head, allowing Josh to make the tag. Booker cleans house, hits a Book End on each, and pins Jordan.

Rating: D. You have to give this one a bit of a break as it’s a match involving someone whose training ended with Tough Enough. I get that it’s some way of advertising Tough Enough and showing that the show means something, but it’s a bad sign that Josh’s stuff looked equal to if not better than Maven’s from Raw. Booker winning was fine and they kept it short, but it’s still not a great idea.

Josh is out cold to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This was a different kind of terrible as it wasn’t a show where it felt like no one was trying. Instead, this felt like a show where their best ideas and a good enough effort just didn’t work. The biggest problem is of course Tough Enough, which took up nearly a third of the whole show. I get that WWE has gone reality show crazy but it doesn’t work as this big of a part of the weekly TV show. You can only get so much out a segment like that as these people are just names with little more than their looks to distinguish themselves. It’s still miles ahead of the Diva Search, but the extra time brings it back down.

Then there’s everything else and EGADS it’s not getting any better. The rest of the show featured a story including a backstage announcer, an arm wrestling segment, Spike Dudley and a very long, dull tag match. And now I’m supposed to want to watch the best of this show on pay per view? Like I said they were trying out there but it’s such bad material with almost no one interesting (Booker is very good, but he’s not exactly exciting in the role) around. It really goes to show you how valuable Cena is to this show, but they could use a name or two from Raw to breathe some life into the show because this was a complete failure.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Commentary needs to tell us things.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-cool-tell-us/

Slammiversary 2017
Date: July 2, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Robert Flores, Don West

It’s both a milestone and a farewell as Impact Wrestling is all set to be renamed Global Force Wrestling. While it’s not clear what all that means, tonight is also the anniversary show with a few title unification matches between Impact Wrestling and GFW. Possibly the biggest match on the card though is a battle between announcers. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what you would expect: history is awesome and tonight is a big night.

An owl flies into the arena to land on a Slammiversary logo. Sweet chicken wings with a sauce that’s sweet but not too spicy, NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE STUPID OWL!

The bosses of Crash, Noah, AAA and Impact are here for the opener.

Impact Wrestling Tag Team Titles/GFW Tag Team Titles: Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. vs. Drago/El Hijo de Fantasma vs. Naomichi Marufuji/Taiji Ishimori vs. LAX

LAX is defending under lucha rules (going to the floor means the same as a tag) and this is one fall to a finish. Santana and Marufuji start things off with Marufuji flipping out of a wristlock but getting kicked in the face. They flip into a standoff and trade chops until Santana charges into a good looking dropkick.

It’s off to Ishimori and Laredo with Taiji bouncing off the ropes over and over for kicks to the head. Laredo hits the floor so Ortiz comes in for a kick of his own as the fans chant for LAX. Ortiz gets two off a Death Valley Driver and everything breaks down. Garza takes off his pants (as is his custom), allowing Drago to springboard in with a dropkick. Drago and Fantasma take over on Santana and then Ishimori but LAX’s manager Diamante gets in a kick of her own so the champs can take over.

A tandem powerbomb gets two on Ishimori and the Street Sweeper is good for two on Drago. Laredo comes off the top with a clothesline to Ortiz while Garza hits a World’s Strongest Slam on Santana for a sweet looking spot. Things settle down with Ortiz heading up top, shoving Laredo and Garza away, and moonsaulting down onto Drago for two with Marufuji making the save.

Diamante tries to interfere again and gets powerbombed onto LAX. Fantasma hits a modified Tombstone for two with Marufuji making a save. Ishimori eats a suicide dive and Homicide adds (and nearly botches) a Gringo Killer on the apron. Drago sends Ishimori to the floor with a tornado DDT and something like a C4 2000 gets two on Santana. Ortiz is back in with a belly to belly superplex and the Street Sweeper retains the titles at 15:22.

Rating: B. That’s a heck of an opener and they were moving WAY too fast to keep track of everything going on out there. This was a great choice to start the show as they just flew all over the place and didn’t bother with stuff like tagging, which they shouldn’t have in something like this match. You book a match like this for the sake of chaos and entertainment, which is what we got.

Joseph Park has good news for Jeremy Borash: tonight’s tag match is No DQ. JB: “WHAT??? YOU’RE GOING TO GET ME KILLED!” Park says don’t worry.

We recap Moose/DeAngelo Williams vs. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake. Basically Moose has been dealing with a two on one deficit and needed some help so he brought in an NFL buddy. Moose also has NFL player Gary Barnidge and NASCAR driver Austin Dillon with him.

Moose/DeAngelo Williams vs. Eli Drake/Chris Adonis

Moose throws Adonis around to start and hits his always good looking dropkick. It’s off to Williams to roll Drake up and grab an armdrag before handing it back to Moose. That’s probably all he should be doing and there’s nothing wrong with that. Moose’s running dropkick in the corner gets two but Adonis gets in a shot from the apron to take over.

That doesn’t last long as Moose fist pumps himself up and brings Williams back in for a one knee Codebreaker and a near fall of his own. Everything breaks down and Moose hits his bicycle kick to set up back to back sentons. Williams is left alone in the ring to kick both villains through the ropes, followed by Moose moonsaulting out to the floor. It’s table time but Adonis and Drake take Moose down and put him on it instead. Drake poses a bit too long though and gets shoved down. Moose tells DeAngelo to do it and a frog splash (!!!) hits Adonis (doesn’t break the table but the splash looked good) for the pin at 10:50.

Rating: B-. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale as Williams is literally brand new at this but DANG. I was legitimately impressed by what he did out there as I was expecting Dennis Rodman’s stuff from WCW (he does like two basic moves and the announcers act like he’s the best thing ever) but he looked like he was an indy level talent at worst. That might be the best celebrity/athlete performance I’ve ever seen and was a very, very pleasant surprise.

Post match Moose powerbombs Drake through the table to make sure everything is covered.

Ethan Carter III is ready to beat up James Storm because he’s the real man Impact needs.

We recap Carter vs. Storm. Carter lost a #1 contenders match earlier this year and blamed Storm, who he whipped 31 times with a strap. Now it’s a strap match with Carter thinking he belongs here because of his name and Storm out for revenge and blood.

James Storm vs. Ethan Carter III

They’re strapped together and you win by pinfall or submission (thank goodness). Storm unloads with right hands to start and there’s the first strap shot. Carter gets dropped hard onto the apron (which is the hardest part of the ring you know) and sent into the barricade but a strap shot takes over again.

Back in and we hit the choke with the strap but Storm isn’t going to take any more. The comeback is on in a hurry but Carter sends him into the corner for a breather. It’s handcuff time with Storm in trouble, only to pull the old switch and get Carter cuffed instead. Storm gets in thirty two lashes (one more than he gave Storm) and NOW the referee unlocks the cuffs. I’m sure Carter is thrilled with the timing.

A 1%er gives Storm two but Carter sends him into the post for a breather. Carter hits the 1%er as well for the same result and that’s not cool. There’s the Last Call but Storm collapses. Carter gives him a lifting sitout Pedigree (Christopher Daniels’ Angel’s Wings) for the pin at 10:45.

Rating: C. I wasn’t feeling this one as much as the strap shots weren’t the biggest focus, save for that one time in the corner. Storm collapsing is an interesting angle but I’m worried about where it might be going. Carter winning is the right call as there’s a good chance he’s going to be challenging El Patron soon.

Karen Jarrett and Dutch Mantell can’t find Bruce Prichard.

We recap Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner vs. Joseph Park/Jeremy Borash. Matthews is a loudmouthed announcer who brags about his former career. Borash stood up to him and a tag match was set up. This feud has been going on for about three months now and I absolutely cannot stand the thing. It’s basically been the top story for months now and since the commentators are on the show all the time, it’s talked about throughout the shows.

Jeremy Borash/Joseph Park vs. Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner

No DQ and D’Angelo Dinero joins commentary. Josh starts with Park and flips around a bit, followed by a kick to the head. A crossbody doesn’t work so it’s off to Steiner, who looks to be about 50lbs (of muscle) lighter than he was in his regular career. He’s also wearing a shirt, which he would never do given that his character was built around a great physique. Again, there was NO ONE ELSE on the active roster that could play this role?

Borash hands it right back to Park….and they run to the back for a pre-taped segment. Park and Borash grab a fire extinguisher while Steiner and Matthews are in a golf cart. A car with a random fan (I think he was in one of the Final Deletion segments) shows up so Matthews and Steiner steal that to give chase, but they can’t catch an announcer and an out of shape lawyer on foot.

They finally get out of the car (which had cameras inside) and chase after them with Matthews being backdropped into a pool while Steiner throws Park through a wall. With a camera under the water, the Jaws theme starts playing and Shark Boy shows up to bite Matthews. Steiner leaves Park and here’s Father James Mitchell (Abyss’ old manager) to say happy anniversary.

Back inside (and after an unnecessary cameo from celebrity chef Robert Irvine) and Matthews misses a Swanton. Josh spears him down but here’s Steiner for the save. Matthews grabs a hug which is called a Steiner Recliner, only to have Shark Boy come in for the failed save attempt. Now Steiner puts on the Recliner and we’ve got Abyss to get rid of Scott without much effort. The Black Hole Slam onto the tacks crushes Josh and Borash adds a top rope splash to give Abyss the pin at 10:50.

Rating: C. That was as good as it was going to be and the Shark Boy thing made me chuckle a bit. You knew Abyss was going to be in there at some point and there’s nothing wrong with that as it was the only way they could really go. Steiner could have been any heel here though and that’s not a good thing. Again, it looks like the company has no faith in its roster, which is a very bad sign. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course, but I’m more worried about it continuing until we have a singles match at Bound For Glory. Just let it be over as I don’t think anyone really cared much for this in the first place. Please let it end.

We recap the Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love. The Wolves broke up and Eddie blamed Angelina, but Davey said she just told him to follow his heart. Tonight it’s Full Metal Mayhem (TLC with pins) in what is likely the final fight.

Davey Richards/Angelina Love vs. Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards

Full Metal Mayhem with the heels taking over via some early cheap shots. They waste no time in bringing in the weapons with Alisha trash canning Love down. Back in and the good guys take over with Richards and Love having a trash can being put on top of their heads for a double kendo stick shot.

Eddie powerbombs Alisha onto Davey (Flores: That’s in the wedding vows right?) but Love finds a cup of tacks. The tacks are poured into Eddie’s mouth for a kick to the head (straight out of PWG) but Alisha powerbombs Love through a table. Eddie is right there after here and it’s a powerbomb to put Davey through another table for the pin at 8:53.

Rating: C. And this is why you don’t book back to back hardcore matches. We literally saw tacks used less than twenty minutes ago and while the spot here was more intense, it’s still thumb tacks again. The right team won but my goodness I hope that ends the feud. There’s not much left for Richards and Edwards to do but Bound For Glory is always a possibility. Also what was with the REALLY short run time?

We recap Low Ki vs. Sonjay Dutt. Sonjay finally won the X-Division Title in his native India and Low Ki wants a rematch, which will be 2/3 falls.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki

Low Ki is challenging in a two out of three falls match. Feeling out process to start as they fight over a wristlock. They grab a test of strength with Dutt being taken to the mat but bridging up. A knee to the ribs actually breaks the bridge and we hit a standoff. Dutt takes him down in a waistlock, followed by a tornado DDT.

A moonsault misses and Low Ki dropkicks him into the corner for two. Dutt tries a springboard hurricanrana but Low Ki rolls through for a standing Warrior’s Way and the first fall at 7:26. After a brief break they head outside with Dutt being sent into the barricade. A kick to the knee takes Dutt down on the apron but another Warrior’s Way only hurts Low Ki’s ankle.

The ankle slows things down but OF COURSE he’s playing possum and throws the referee into Dutt. A big springboard kick to the head gives Low Ki two. He tries a top rope Warrior’s Way but only hits the steps, followed by Dutt sending him hard into the barricade. Back in and Low Ki hits a quick Warrior’s Way, only to try a choke instead, allowing Dutt to roll him up for the second fall at 13:26.

Dutt gets kicked down again but Low Ki seems to have hurt his hand. It’s fine enough for the Ki Crusher and two. Dutt goes up but gets dropped face first onto the buckle. Low Ki takes too much time going up though and a backdrop sets up the moonsault double stomp (still a scary looking finisher) to retain Dutt’s title at 18:40.

Rating: B. The ending surprised me but it’s nice to have Dutt get a big win like this to make his reign seem less like a fluke. That and Low Ki losing is always a good thing in my eyes as I’ve never cared for the guy. The moonsault double stomp is still insanely cool looking though and it was a great way to wrap the match up, especially after all the times Low Ki was using the Warrior’s Way.

We recap the Women’s Title match, which is Sienna being polished vs. Rosemary being crazy.

Impact Wrestling Knockouts Title/Global Force Wrestling Women’s Title: Rosemary vs. Sienna

Unification match and Gail Kim is at ringside. Rosemary has an army of freaks with her. Rosemary goes right after her and here are Laurel Van Ness and KM for the nearly immediate distraction. Sienna gets thrown out onto them and orders them to the back, leaving us one on one again.

Back in and Sienna hammers away before grabbing a chinlock. Rosemary gets sent hard into the barricade, only to fight out of a Tree of Woe for a German superplex. That doesn’t do much actually as the Red Wedding is broken up and Sienna gets two off the Silencer. The second Red Wedding attempt connects but here’s Van Ness to pull out the ref.  Allie comes in for the save but the distraction lets Sienna get in a belt shot for two. The mist is blocked and Sienna rubs it in Rosemary’s eyes, setting up a guillotine to make Rosemary tap at 10:03.

Rating: C-. I’m still not sure why these two are fighting or why I should care about the GFW Women’s Title but that’s the case for the entire “promotion” pretty much since its inception. The match was a good brawl but the overbooking really dragged things down. This story has been going on for months now and it doesn’t seem anywhere close to being finished, even though there’s not much left for them to fight over.

Here’s Jeff Jarrett for a chat. He thanks the fans for helping the Jarrett Family over the years. For fifteen years, the fans have supported this company and he wants to say thank you. He’s ready for the main event and says they’ve got a lot to follow. This was short and classy, which is always nice.

We recap the main event with Lashley’s Impact Wrestling World Title vs. Alberto El Patron’s GFW World Title. Alberto beat Lashley earlier in the year but the level of shenanigans caused the match to be overturned. They’ve built this up very well and the videos have helped a lot.

Impact Wrestling World Title/Global Force Wrestling World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Alberto El Patron

Unification match. Lashley has a bunch of MMA fighters with him while Alberto has his father and brother with him. The fighters, save for King Mo, and Alberto’s brother all leave so it’s just Mo and Dos Caras Sr. They hit the mat to start with Alberto kicking at the legs to set up a standoff.

Lashley looks serious and they head outside with Lashley sending Alberto head first into the table five times in a row. Back in and Lashley charges into some raised boots but grabs a neckbreaker. Alberto is back up with a superplex for no cover and they slug it out from their knees. Some right hands in the corner are countered with a powerbomb to give Lashley two.

Lashley is starting to get cocky as he hammers away in the corner but the armbreaker has him in quick trouble. We get the big power up spot with Lashley powerbombing him down for two more. A middle rope Death Valley Driver of all things gives Lashley another near fall and King Mo grabs a chair.

Lashley is content with slapping Alberto in the face, earning himself a kick to the head for two. Dos Caras stares Mo down, leaving Lashley to grab a cross armbreaker. That goes nowhere so a spear gets two, only to have the second spear eat a dropkick. Alberto sends him into the corner and hits the top rope double stomp for the pin and both titles at 19:29.

Rating: B. That’s about what I expected: good, back and forth match with hard hitting action and little to no emotion to the whole thing. I’m assuming their World Title matches are this way by design but it’s never been my favorite style. The World Title matches often feel like they’re contractually obligated instead of personal, which is certainly an option but I could go for more hated/personal issues in the build. Still though, solid match with the right ending.

Alberto celebrates with the roster to end the show. Of note: the logo says GFW Impact Wrestling.

Overall Rating: B. This was actually a heck of a show, which tends to be the case when the company cuts out all the nonsense (and the horrible commentary, which was a MAJOR upgrade tonight) and stupid stuff that they do so often. If nothing else, the matches here were long enough with the wrestlers working hard throughout. I had a good time with the show and while there are definitely issues that need to be fixed, they had a good night tonight to end/begin an old/new era. Call this a very, very pleasant surprise but nothing you need to get used to, given this company’s track record.

Results

LAX b. Naomichi Marufuji/Taiji Ishmori, Drago/El Hijo de Fantasma and Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. – Street Sweeper to Drago

Moose/DeAngelo Williams b. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake – Frog splash to Adonis

Ethan Carter III b. James Storm – Lifting sitout Pedigree

Joseph Park/Jeremy Borash b. Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner – Top rope splash to Matthews

Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards b. Davey Richards/Angelina Love – Powerbomb through a table to Richards

Sonjay Dutt b. Low Ki – Moonsault double stomp

Sienna b. Rosemary – Guillotine

Alberto El Patron b. Lashley – Top rope double stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

While mainly being a celebration of the company’s history, this is also the end of an era (or error depending on your take). Following “Slammiversary 2017”, the promotion will officially become Global Force Wrestling, bringing an end to the Impact Wrestling era. I’m not sure how much of a difference that’s going to make but before we get to that discussion, we still have a pay per view to cover so let’s get to it.

Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner vs. Jeremy Borash/Joseph Park

I’m putting this first so we can get it out of the way. Despite it being a match about battling announcers, there’s a real argument to be made about this being the main event of the show. At the very worst, it’s the second biggest match on the card and that’s really pitiful. Why in the world I’m supposed to be interested in announcers fighting over…..whatever it is they’re fighting over in a match where Park is the most active competitor isn’t clear but the company certainly seems to think it’s important.

I’ll take Steiner and Matthews to win here as I actually think they’re going to extend the feud all the way through “Bound For Glory 2017”. The story should have ended a few months ago so it wouldn’t surprise me to see it keep going even longer. The wrestling is going to be bad at best as Steiner hasn’t been an active competitor in years, Park is a comedy character and the other two are announcers. This is the second (at worst) biggest match on the card and one of the biggest matches of the year people. Let that sink in for a minute.

Moose/DeAngelo Williams vs. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake

This is your celebrity match of the show but at least there’s a story built in. Moose has been having issues with Adonis and Drake for weeks now and needed some help dealing with them. Williams is an NFL free agent so he has an athletic background, though there’s a good chance that’s not going to translate into wrestling success.

That being said, it would take WCW levels of stupidity to bring in a celebrity athlete and have them lose. I’m not sure why we’re not having Moose defending the Global Title here as it would make more sense but at least they have something different by having Williams in the match. I’d assume this keeps going as well but Williams is likely just going to be a one off, meaning him losing would make next to no sense.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt(c) vs. Low Ki

Dutt won the title in the highlight of the Indian tapings and now it’s time for Low Ki’s rematch. I’m not a big Low Ki fan whatsoever but Dutt has enough charisma and skill to get by. This is also 2/3 falls, meaning there’s a good chance it’s going to be a long match with both guys winning at least a fall.

I’ll go with Dutt retaining the title as Low Ki never felt like a long term champion. He has way too long of a history of leaving promotions to keep a title on him long term. Dutt might not stick around long either, but putting the title on him in India and then taking it right back in his first defense wouldn’t be the brightest idea in the world. I don’t think he’ll do anything more than set the stage for a top heel to take the title away from him and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Tag Team Titles: LAX(c) vs. Drago/Hijo de Fantasma, Naomichi Marufuji/Taiji Ishimori vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

We continue the trend of each match having a theme with the international match. In this case we have two teams from Mexico, one team that represents the Latino nation and a Japanese contingent. Of the challengers, only Laredo Kid and Garza Jr. have appeared regularly for on “Impact Wrestling” TV so this might not be the most easy to follow match in the world.

LAX should retain here as they’re getting somewhere with the act. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. are a good high flying team but nothing we haven’t seen done better before. The other two teams are likely just one or two shot deals and that wouldn’t mean putting titles on them. Let LAX get a big win under their belts so they can build up to something more in the future, perhaps for the Veterans of War to dethrone them later.

Impact Wrestling Knockouts/Global Force Wrestling Women’s Title: Rosemary (c) vs. Sienna (c)

This is one of two unification matches because this company actually thinks the GFW Titles matter in the slightest. Having this as title for title adds nothing to the match as Sienna could have easily been built up as a regular challenger to Rosemary with the GFW Title really adding nothing whatsoever. It’s a gimmick though and unfortunately that’s often more important than making the most sense.

Due to the merger though, I’ll go with Sienna winning, even though Rosemary has been built up far better. Neither is the most thrilling option in the world but at least you have the possibility of building Allie up to face Sienna for the title at “Bound For Glory 2017”. You could do the same with Allie vs. Rosemary but that wouldn’t pack quite the same punch as Allie challenging Sienna.

Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love

Full Metal Mayhem, which is Impact Wrestling’s version of Tables, Ladders and Chairs. The guys have been feuding for a good while now and the women have added some nice flavor to the story. Alisha isn’t the most experienced but there’s a lot of potential for drama with the husbands protecting their wives from extreme violence.

This show needs a face to win a big match so I’ll go with Eddie and Alisha. Richards and Love have dominated the feud so far and it would make sense to have them lose in the end to even things out a bit. I can always go for some good violence in a match and the Wolves have the ability to beat the heck out of each other like few others can. This should be a lot of fun and that’s something this show needs.

James Storm vs. Ethan Carter III

Strap match. This has been a solid upper midcard feud, though I’m not sure what they were going for with the E Singh III deal in India. As is almost always the case, this one seems to depend on what happens in the main event as you could easily see the winner getting a shot at the World Title in the near future.

Therefore, I’ll take Carter, probably through some major shenanigans. That’s the beauty of a strap match: Storm can get in some solid revenge on Carter but still lose via some sort of cheating in the end. These two should beat the heck out of each other and that’s certainly a good thing, especially given how this feud has gone so far.

Impact Wrestling World Title/Global Force Wrestling World Title: Lashley vs. Alberto El Patron

Another title for title match and I’m not sure if I’m interested in this one or not. Neither of them has what I’d call an interesting character or personality, meaning they need to blow it out of the water with the actual wrestling. The good thing is they’re both more than capable of doing that, but it doesn’t matter if they have too much other stuff weighing them down.

I’ll take El Patron to win and unify the titles as this show is going to need a big moment to end on. El Patron as champion isn’t the best idea in the world but we’ve covered Lashley as the unstoppable (save for those times where he lost the title) champion for far too long now and it’s time to move on to something fresh. The promotion needs something new on top and while El Patron isn’t that guy, he can hold the title until they find that guy.

Overall Thoughts

I’m not the most excited for this show (if that wasn’t clear) and it’s mainly because there’s no single match that really has my interest. There’s going to be good stuff throughout the card and some of the stories should wrap up, but that doesn’t mean the show is going to hold a lot of interest for a good chunk of the audience.

It also doesn’t help that we’re coming up on yet another new era for the company, which seems to be the case far too often anymore. We have roughly three and a half months until “Bound For Glory 2017” and I hope most of these stories wrap up so we can spend that time building to something new instead of spending half of it on fallout. Therefore, a lot of these matches need to wrap up stories instead of extending them, which has been a problem for this company for a long time now. Hopefully the show is a surprise but I’m not getting my hopes up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 15, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re still in India and tonight’s main event is a special treat for the live crowd. This week will see Sonjay Dutt challenging Low Ki for the X-Division Title in an effort to shake away his moniker of the best X-Division wrestler to never win the title. Other than that the build to Slammiversary continues with less than three weeks to go. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Dutt vs. Low Ki with both guys taking their own path to get here. Low Ki doesn’t seem to mind where they are.

Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

This is a ten man Royal Rumble with ninety second intervals and when there are two remaining, it’s a regular one on one match. The winner gets…..a trophy! Suicide is in at #1 and Matt Sydal is in at #2 as we hear about Josh Matthews having his first match in fifteen years tonight.

Sydal headscissors him into the ropes but Suicide is right back in to headbutt Matt down. A standoff goes nowhere and it’s Davey Richards in at #3. Davey takes Sydal down by the leg as we hear about Josh needing to get another Twitter account due to having too many followers. KM is in at #4 and there’s not much going on just a few minutes in. Suicide hangs in the ropes and low bridges KM to the apron. Swoggle is in at #5 as Davey dropkicks Suicide out. KM and Davey no sell some chops and KM shoves Swoggle down.

Eddie Edwards is in at #6 and is eliminated along with Davey in about ten seconds. Back from a break with Rockstar Spud having entered as #7 and getting beaten down by Swoggle. There are four people in the ring and no eliminations during the break so the clock is already way off. Spud drops Sydal and throws Swoggle into the corner, as the announcers try to make Spud into the heel in this whole thing. You know, the guy who was ASSAULTED WITH A HAMMER!

Kongo Kong is in at #8 and eliminated Sydal without too much effort. Spud is tossed as well and Moose is in at #9. Spud isn’t done though and helps get rid of Swoggle with the announcers saying we’re guaranteed to continue this feud. Moose lasts all of fifteen seconds but Mahabali Shera is in at #10 and his dad is in the front row.

Kong charges at Shera and gets low bridged out so the referee comes in for the regular match as we take a second break. Back again with KM stomping away in the corner as Davey/Angelina Love vs. Eddie Edwards/Alisha in Full Metal Mayhem at Slammiversary. KM gets two off a slingshot splash but Shera grabs an AA for a breather. The Sky High is enough to give Shera the pin at 24:56.

Rating: D-. This was nothing but filler and they weren’t even trying to hide it. If you want Shera to win in front of his home country that’s cool, but couldn’t you have him come in a bit earlier for the sake of some work and some drama? I have a bad feeling this is going to be the extent of what happens with the trophy and if they spent a fourth of a show on this one match….egads. On top of that the match was really boring with Spud vs. Swoggle as possibly the featured attraction before the ending.

Shera celebrates with his family and here are some Sony Six executives to present the trophy. Shera holds the trophy and looks close to crying.

Video on Dutt not being able to win the X-Division Title. Now he’s home and ready to fulfill his dream.

DeAngelo Williams (NFL free agent) will be in the ring at Slammiversary. We see a bit of his in-ring training in Canada.

We see Joseph Park and JB heading to a Kung Fu studio to train. It turns out that Park gets confused and they wind up at a Chinese food buffet with good kung pow chicken.

LAX is going to be in other promotions to make statements since they’re not allowed in India. So they’re taking the Hardys’ gimmick.

Here’s E-Singh-3 with a man in a suit. He talks about his family lineage dating back to his seventh great grandfather being a full blooded Indian. The main in the suit translates with Ethan talking about how he’s one of the people here. Ethan is here to destroy Indian culture and rips on the people even more but the translator won’t say it. Carter beats him up and whips him with a belt until James Storm comes in for the save.

Spud and Swoggle got in an argument at catering earlier today. This results in Spud being sent face first into his food and a chase. As I say every week, this isn’t funny and I can’t imagine a lot of people are interested.

Here’s Josh Matthews, looking like he weighs 114 pounds soaking wet with two bricks in his pocket, for a sparring session. Josh explains the tag match (in case you haven’t heard the concept in the last two and a half months) and hypes up his opponent as an Olympic wrestler, a Bollywood star and a cricket champion.

Josh Matthews vs. Sandik DeKhan

DeKhan is a rather rotund guy who is barely taller than the top rope. Josh armdrags him down but eats a dropkick. That earns Sandik a knee lift and Swanton Bomb (not bad actually), followed by a Steiner Recliner for the submission at 2:25.

Shera comes out post match for no apparent reason but Lashley runs in for the save. Why? Josh gets in another Recliner, which really shouldn’t hurt. Alberto El Patron runs in for the real save. That was one of the most illogical segments this company has run in a long time.

JB and Park train with action figures with Magnus taking JB’s place because he doesn’t have an action figure. They do however study Steiner’s math promo. Park: “How did this guy ever get over? His promos suck.” A highlight reel scares them but Park is ready to face their fears. Steiner calls them though and both guys panic.

Trevor Lee vs. Braxton Sutter

Lee jumps him from behind and Sutter is knocked to the floor in a heap. Back in and a deadlift German suplex gives Trevor two but he stops to yell at Allie. Back in and Sutter gets in a powerslam, followed by the fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin at 2:08.

Post match Sienna and Laurel Van Ness come out to challenge Allie and Rosemary to a tag match next week.

Low Ki has hurt Dutt before and he’ll do it again.

The roster is ready for Slammiversary.

Here’s Moose for a chat but Eli Drake and Christopher Adonis come out to interrupt in a hurry. Drake calls everyone dummies and claims to have been ripped off in their title match. Moose wants to fight them both at Slammiversary but the double beatdown is on now. Not that it matters as Moose clears the ring without too much effort. Moose promises to deliver a partner next week. You know, because it’s so hard to figure out.

JB and Park answer Steiner’s call so he can yell a lot. I can barely understand him because it’s over a phone but corn on the cob is mentioned. JB offers to call the match off but Steiner threatens violence. Park and JB run off instead, leaving Steiner to yell even more.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki

Dutt is challenging and still has his eyepatch on. A hard body shot puts Dutt down because he couldn’t see it coming thanks to the bad eye. The patch is pulled off and Dutt snaps off a hurricanrana into an armdrag. A dropkick sends Dutt to the floor and they fight into the crowd where Dutt has to escape a Ki Crusher.

Sonjay mostly misses a moonsault off the barricade but what looked to be Sliced Bread #2 is countered with a drop onto the steps. Back from a break with Low Ki stomping away and grabbing something like an abdominal stretch/Octopus Hold hybrid. Dutt fights out and Low Ki takes off the jacket, earning himself a great looking superplex.

Low Ki breaks up a sunset flip and snaps off a standing double stomp for two. A tornado DDT drops the champ (who has a bloody eye) and a top rope splash gives Dutt the title at 16:28. The commentary was rather horrible there as they barely reacted to either the setup or the title change.

Rating: B. Well that was sudden. There wasn’t exactly much of a build to the finish but at least they went with exactly what they should have done. This was the biggest layup of the entire taping cycle and they did exactly what they should have done without trying for some kind of a screwy finish.

Some wrestlers come out to celebrate with Dutt, including Shera putting him on his shoulders to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Before I get into this, let me make it clear that the main event was a completely separate part of the show and isn’t included in the following criticisms. That last match was exactly what it should have been and aside from a pretty weak ending, I had no complains about it.

As for the rest of the show though, it was nothing short of a disaster and one of the worst things this company has ever done (and consider all that covers). The opener was long and awful, the second match was there to further one of the worst angles I can remember in a long time and the third match was barely anything. Couple that with not very funny “training” segments for a ring announcer and a comedy character plus the excruciatingly not funny Swoggle vs. Spud feud and this was one of the most awful shows I’ve ever seen them do.

The World Title feud has taken a huge backseat to the “comedy” angles (though I think the announcers’ feud is supposed to be at least somewhat serious), mainly because they barely have a reason to be fighting. Yeah they have that one match two and a half months ago but neither Alberto nor Lashley have the character depth to pull off something very interesting. They’re both skilled performers and perfectly acceptable from bell to bell but their characters are basically confined to “I’m a good wrestler”. When you barely have a single segment in the ring per week, there’s not much you can do to build a match.

The problem here boils down to the writing not being very good. I know they’ve had Dixie to blame over the years but we’re two and a half months into the new leadership team and it’s some of the weakest TV I can remember them doing in a very long time. There’s basically no midcard out of Moose vs. Eli Drake (a feud which is coming up on a celebrity tag match instead of fighting for Moose’s title) and the Tag Team Champions (who have two titles each) aren’t even on TV at the moment due to whatever reason.

Instead we’re getting a focus on Spud vs. Swoggle over seeing Swoggle’s underwear while the top feud is battling announcers plus a lawyer and a crazy man who arguably hit his in-ring peak 26 years ago. That’s the new Impact Wrestling and if this is what they’re setting up for Slammiversary, Bound For Glory might be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

Results

Mahabali Shera won the Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

Josh Matthews b. Sandik DeKhan – Steiner Recliner

Braxton Sutter b. Trevor Lee – Fisherman’s neckbreaker

Sonjay Dutt b. Low Ki – Top rope splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 25, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

It’s time for another triple threat match, this time with World Title implications. Tonight it’s James Storm vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Magnus in a match that will likely help set up the World Title picture as we approach Slammiversary. We’re about six weeks away from the pay per view, meaning it’s almost time to start setting things up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s show, focusing on the Ultimate X match and the setup for tonight’s triple threat.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Bruce Prichard to get things going with Tyrus as his new bodyguard. Despite what Carter did to him last week, Bruce wants to get us to the most important thing around: the Impact Wrestling Heavyweight Championship. This brings out Lashley, who brags about his dominance. He doesn’t care about the people in the triple threat match, which does seem to be for a shot at the title.

Before Bruce can announce the challenger, here’s Carter to say he’ll win and get the title shot. Magnus comes out to say the same thing because Lashley has never beaten him. Naturally Storm is here to say he should be getting the shot. Bruce makes the match a #1 contenders match with the winner getting the shot at Slammiversary (Forget all those weeks of talking about the GFW Title being the golden ticket I guess). He’ll even make it No DQ (because triple threat matches are known for their disqualifications) but no one can touch either of the other two before the match starts.

Carter says he’s winning tonight to fulfill his destiny.

The announcers talk about the upcoming JB/Joseph Park vs. Josh Matthews/??? match at Slammiversary. We’ll find out Matthews’ partner tonight.

KM/Kongo Kong vs. Braxton Sutter/Mahabali Shera

Sutter and Kong get things going with JB saying we’re in for a treat with Kong in the ring. JB needs to learn the definition of “treat”. Allie gets in an argument with Sienna/Laurel Van Ness as Shera can’t slam Kong. He can slam KM but stops due to a Laurel distraction. Since it was just a slam, KM pops up and takes over on Shera. An elbow to the jaw keeps Shera in trouble and it’s back to Kong for a headbutt (giving us quite the jiggle).

Kong hits a belly to belly and a rolling backsplash to take us to a break. Back with Sutter getting the hot tag to clean house, including a middle rope neckbreaker for two on KM. Everything breaks down and the women get into it again, leaving Shera and KM down in the ring. Allie crossbodies both of them, followed by Kong headbutting Shera into a rollup (with trunks) for the pin at 11:30.

Rating: D+. This feud is still going despite not much really changing. It’s still fallout from the wedding but, other than having more people brought in, it doesn’t feel like anything has changed since then. Shera really only seems to be there for the sake of the India tour (at least he wasn’t made World Champion) and Kong is just an embarrassment from a physical standpoint. The feud isn’t horrible but I could go for a fresh plot point instead of just adding a new name.

The guys fight to the back with Allie being surrounded. Cue Rosemary of all people for the save, including mist to Sienna and the Red Wedding to Laurel. So the evil Rosemary is now face yet Allie still can’t get a big win? That seems to be taking a few too many steps in the booking.

GFW Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War

The winners get LAX in the finals because we had a four team tournament to crown a second pair of champions, assuming you don’t count the titles that Bahh and Bokara bring with them. Bokara and Wilcox start things off with a toss into the corner allowing the tag off to Mayweather.

A shot to the face gives Mayweather a little trouble and it’s off to the huge Bahh. Mayweather walks into a Samoan drop, allowing Bahh to bite his own fingers for some reason. Bahh misses a charge into the post and it’s off to Wilcox to clean house. A missed charge sends Bahh to the floor so Mayweather can kick him in the face. The MOAB ends Bokara at 5:08.

Rating: D. Bokara and Bahh haven’t done a thing for me since they debuted and that’s still the case now. It’s an average guy and a low rent Yokozuna imitation which isn’t exactly worth much as a team. The Veterans on the other hand are rather awesome and I’m digging them more every time I see them.

Magnus is ready to win the title shot.

Here’s Matthews to make his announcement. Josh calls JB into the ring to talk about making up for all of his mistakes. Matthews loves Jim Ross, who is the greatest announcer of all time (to clarify: they’re fighting over an announcer who has never and likely never will work here). He’s now a Vice President of the company (Fans: “WASTE OF MONEY!”) and has to act as such. As Pope rips on how stupid this is, Josh offers a handshake but gets cut off by Joseph Park.

We get a history of Josh lying and getting shoved down, which is enough to turn Josh back into his normal, ranting self (So the point of him being nice for two minutes was…..?). Josh goes on about how he should be the face of the Fight Network and calling all the major sporting events. He wants the match right now so here we go.

Josh Matthews vs. Joseph Park

The bell rings and twenty seconds later here’s SCOTT STEINER of all people, despite having lost about 50lbs of muscle since he was last here. No contest of course but JB and Park’s eyes bugging out are great.

JB and Park bail as Steiner shakes the barricade and beats up a fan as Josh hits Park low, allowing Steiner to put him in the Recliner. So to recap: Josh is married to an active wrestler but the only option was to bring in Scott Steiner. What was that chant again? WASTE OF MONEY?

Back from a break with a recap of what we just saw, because that’s really the top story in this company.

Video on Moose’s reign as Grand Champion.

Eli Drake says he isn’t going to change for anyone but has to back off from Moose, who is being held back by security. Moose agrees to give him a title shot next week but Chris Adonis comes in to help on the beatdown.

Alisha Edwards/Eddie Edwards vs. Angelina Love/Davey Richards

It’s a brawl in the aisle to start until the guys officially get things going. Davey rips at Eddie’s face and shouts that Eddie made him do this. Eddie sends him outside for the suicide dive, leaving Alisha to hit one of her own on Angelina as we take a break. Back with Davey slapping on a Figure Four for a good while until Eddie fights up for some chops. Josh makes a nice mention of the Manchester attacks as Eddie gets a hot tag to Alisha, meaning it’s off to the women. Alisha misses a high crossbody but comes back with a rollup for the pin at 11:48.

Rating: C-. This was more about Eddie vs. Davey but it’s a good idea to have Alisha get her feet wet like this. The division is dying for some more talent and Edwards would be better than a lot of their options. The match was nothing special but it’s another case of a feud continuing after it probably should have ended, or at least taken a break. Davey vs. Eddie is still good but it needs an endpoint, which I’d assume is at Slammiversary.

Post match Davey handcuffs Eddie as Alisha is powerbombed through a table.

Spud isn’t here tonight (despite saying he would be and given that IT’S A TAPED SHOW that shouldn’t be hard to avoid) but promises to be back next week. As he’s talking, Spud’s mom yells at him from upstairs. Spud: “KAYFABE MOM! KAYFABE!” As usual, Spud is funnier than pretty much everyone else in this promotion.

Magnus vs. Ethan Carter III vs. James Storm

The winner jumps past Alberto for the title shot at Slammiversary, which I’m sure will change. It’s a brawl to start with Carter being sent out to the floor, leaving the other two to chop it out. The fight heads outside in a hurry with Storm taking a double suplex onto the ramp as we take a break.

Back with Josh making fun of JB as the weapons are brought in for the first time. Storm takes a kendo stick to the back but heel miscommunication sees Magnus and Carter both take stick shots. Magnus realizes that’s not a bad thing and unloads on Carter, allowing Storm to make his comeback with a clothesline.

Some chops allow Storm to grab a chair of his own for some hard shots. Carter breaks it up and gets two off the TK3 to Storm, only to be sent to the floor. Storm’s Last Call is countered into a Cloverleaf but Carter makes the save with a chair. The 1%er gets two on Magnus, followed by a Codebreaker with a chair getting the same on Carter.

A Tower of Doom sends Storm flying but he sends Storm heads first into a chair in the corner. Magnus makes the save with a top rope elbow for two. Josh: “You know they’re watching in the UK right now!” The show airs on Friday night Josh, so I doubt that’s true. Storm hits a Last Call on Magnus but Carter throws him to the floor and steals the pin at 20:10.

Rating: B-. Good match but does anyone really believe Carter vs. Lashley is officially set in stone and actually happening now? Like, we’re just supposed to believe that Alberto is going to do something else? I mean, I know common sense isn’t TNA’s strong suit but I could actually see them having two World Title matches and stretching it out to Bound For Glory to make sure they drain any interest people might have in the story. Anyway, good action packed match here and while Carter would have been the favorite, he didn’t feel like a lock to win.

Overall Rating: D+. Once they get done with these double titles, they might actually have something. The problem again comes down to these marathon tapings. You can only go so far with the one idea and it’s probably asking a bit much to have the writers come up with something that fresh in a hurry. Unfortunately that means we’re stuck with stories dragging on forever and a severe lack of steam when they reach the end of a taping cycle. The show was still good but it’s needing a breath of fresh air and I don’t think Scott Steiner is the solution they’re looking for.

Results

Kongo Kong/KM b. Braxton Sutter/Mahabali Shera – Rollup to Shera

Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – MOAB to Bokara

Josh Matthews vs. Joseph Park went to a no contest when Scott Steiner interfered

Alisha Edwards/Eddie Edwards b. Angelina Love/Davey Richards – Rollup to Love

Ethan Carter III b. Magnus and James Storm – Last Call to Magnus

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 27, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s back to Orlando and of course that means more from the battle of the announcers. Last week’s show ended with Low Ki becoming the new X-Division Champion but the last thing we saw was Jeremy Borash finally punching Josh Matthews in the face. I’m not sure where we go next but I have a feeling this doesn’t end until Slammiversary in July. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s show. Rewatching it doesn’t make it better.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show….and here’s Josh Matthews. This company will not tolerate bullying announcers and Borash is J. B. Loser because yes, this feud is now a parody/reference to the JBL/Mauro feud. Borash is suspended from commentary and gone indefinitely. Josh takes his place on commentary. So yeah: not only has Impact decided to have this feud keep going but now it’s referencing a feud that caused Mauro Ranallo some mental health issues along with his job.

Trevor Lee vs. Matt Sydal

Sydal is the former Evan Bourne and used to wrestle for the company. Therefore, the announcement of this being his debut is inaccurate as it would be his return, though that’s the least of this company’s problems. Sydal kicks at the legs to start but gets tossed outside. Back in and they trade some kicks with Sydal hitting something like Big Show’s Log Roll (standing legdrop) for two, only to have to deal with Gregory Helms. That goes badly for the Helms Dynasty though as some heel miscommunication sets up the shooting star press to give Sydal the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C-. That would now be two people in the X-Division using the shooting star press as their finisher. Sydal felt like someone out of the Cruiserweight Classic here with a bunch of kicks and then a high flying finisher. The division really needs some fresh blood but I’m not sure how much value Sydal really offers.

Sienna doesn’t think much of Karen Jarrett.

Here’s Ethan Carter III for a chat. After making fun of the “Make Impact Great” line, Carter talks about Bruce Prichard telling him to look in the mirror. Carter did just that and saw a demigod. He’s tired of hearing the fans telling him that they liked him better as a bad guy. Carter is going to Slammiversary to recover the glory that he never should have lost in the first place. That only leaves James Storm, who is all talk and doesn’t need to be in Carter’s world.

Cue Storm to say he’s not here to dance because he hasn’t had enough to drink and Carter isn’t a pretty lady. Storm calls him fugly and asks for a fight but Carter walks out. One more insult brings Ethan back inside for the fight with James easily getting the better of it. Carter hides behind a production assistant though and he gets in a low blow to leave Storm laying. This was a good idea for a segment but Storm was too calm about what happened last week.

KM yells at a waiter who thought the large man called his meal good. Apparently that’s what’s wrong with America today. This was basically a modern version of the Razor Ramon vignettes.

Christina Von Eerie is the GFW Women’s Champion and will fight anyone.

GFW Women’s Title: Christina Von Eerie vs. Ava Storie

Von Eerie is defending and starts fast with a running boot to the face. A few OY OY OY chants look to set up a fireman’s carry but Storie slips out and hammers away. Josh brags about breaking JB’s streak of consecutive Impact’s because he forgets that JB was already on the show. Storie puts her on the middle rope but gets caught in a kind of super Backstabber to retain Von Eerie’s title at 2:58. Von Eerie was fine but forcing the GFW Champions in still doesn’t quite work.

Swoggle comes through the crowd and messes with Spud’s hair.

Low Ki talks about wanting to revive the X-Division, which is always changing.

Video on Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards.

Alberto El Patron thinks he should be #1 contender but here’s Magnus, who says he should get the shot because the GFW Title is a golden ticket. Stephanie Jarrett comes in and makes a GFW Title match for the #1 contendership.

Video on Moose, complete with Monday Night Football music.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Davey Richards

Moose is defending and has NFL Pro Bowlers D’Angelo Williams and Gary Barnidge in his corner. Moose throws Richards into the corner to start but gets superkicked in the leg to bring him off the ropes. Actually hang on a second as Davey stops to kiss Angelina Love. We hit a Figure Four for a long time until Moose grabs the rope with three seconds left.

Davey easily wins the first round but gets caught in an early powerbomb to start the second. Moose’s moonsault gets two but the Game Changer is blocked by more kicks. A hard running clothesline turns Davey inside out for two but he grabs the ropes until the clock runs out.

Moose wins the round to tie it up and dropkicks Davey out to the floor to start the third. Back in and Davey powerbombs his way out of a belly to belly superplex, followed by a top rope double stomp for two. We hit an ankle lock but here’s Eddie Edwards to jump Davey at 9:30 to keep the title on Moose. A previous Grand Championship match was No DQ but I don’t think the company even understands why this is still a thing.

Rating: C. The ending doesn’t help as they can’t even remember the rules for this title but at least it was a good match before we got there. They’re building Moose up as a champion that means something and that’s going to make the title change feel like something a lot more important when it finally happens.

The NFL guys shove Richards down and Barnidge gets in a slam. A few weeks ago he has one of the best brawls the company has seen in months and now he’s taking a bump that Rockstar Spud probably would have taken.

Swoggle rips up Spud’s notes so Spud pulls off Swoggle’s pants.

Matt Sigmon vs. Kongo Kong

Kongo has Laurel Van Ness, Sienna and KM with him. Sigmon’s shots to the ribs have no effect and Kongo gives him a sitout powerslam. The Cannonball sets up the top rope splash for the pin at 2:11.

Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Veterans of War

The Veterans are Mayweather (Crimson) and Wilcox (Jax Dane, former NWA World Champion). Thankfully Mayweather’s previous character is acknowledged but Josh would rather talk about the (admittedly awesome) deals on ShopTNA.com. Mario gets backdropped so it’s off to the huge Bahh. Wilcox hits a very impressive delayed Samoan drop and a High/Low gets two on Fallah. A double suplex has no effect on Mayweather so it’s a Magic Killer for the pin on Mario at 3:30.

Rating: C+. VOW looked good and I’d be interested in seeing how their offense looks on a normal sized opponent. My goodness Bahh and Bokara looked worthless here. They’re the Monster Factory Tag Team Titles because we NEED to acknowledge a training school’s titles. If you’re going to have them lose a match in such short fashion, just use jobbers.

Mayweather says the Veterans of War aren’t just characters because it’s who they are. He says they’d answer the call to go fight again at the drop of a hat but for now, they’re bringing the fight to Impact. They look forward to getting a shot at the Tag Team Titles because together, they are one. That worked very well and this team looks a lot better than most of the recent additions.

Swoggle, now in a towel, beats on Spud with a HAMMER. He hits him probably seven or eight times and is ejected by security. I know Swoggle isn’t full sized but he’s a professional wrestler and presumably lifts weights so shouldn’t these hammer shots break bones or potentially kill Spud?

Eli Drake rants about being ignored and Tyrus doesn’t think much of it.

Tag Team Titles: Decay vs. LAX

LAX is defending and this is a street fight. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Decay getting the better of it, including Abyss taking both champs down with a double clothesline. The barbed wire board is thrown in and it’s off to a break. Back with a large selection of weapons in the ring and Homicide hitting Abyss in the back with a chair.

It’s time for the kendo stick shots to the back as the champs keep dominating. Abyss saves Steve from a double superplex and throws him onto both champs. A chokeslam gets no cover so Abyss pelts a chair at Ortiz’s head. Rosemary mists Abyss by mistake though, allowing Santana to spear him through a barbed wire board. Diamante German suplexes Rosemary and Abyss is sandwiched between two barbed wire boards.

Steve comes back in though and gets two off a Death Valley Driver with Konnan making the save. Thankfully Steve doesn’t bother with Konnan but he does have to deal with Homicide. That goes nowhere so Steve puts Ortiz on a table and covers him with tacks, only to have Homicide make another save. The Street Sweeper through the table retains the titles at 13:37.

Rating: C+. Good brawl with the ending looking better than anything else, though it wasn’t much of a surprise to have LAX win. They’re a better team than I thought we were going to get so the tag division is starting to look good for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately that’s it for Decay as Steve is WWE bound but at least Decay was fun while they lasted.

A lot of posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show started off really, really bad but the second half was a good bit better. The tag division is going to have to carry the show as the main event stuff with the multiple World Titles is getting already tiresome but that’s the case up and down the card. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that the best division at the moment is one of the only ones with a single title. There’s some very bad stuff on here though with the JB/Josh opening segment being more sickening than anything else and Kongo Kong being an embarrassment but the show somehow worked well enough to pass for another week.

Results

Matt Sydal b. Trevor Lee – Shooting star press

Christina Von Eerie b. Ava Storie – Super Backstabber

Davey Richards b. Moose via DQ when Eddie Edwards interfered

Kongo Kong b. Matt Sigmon – Top rope splash

Veterans of War b. Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Magic Killer to Bokara

LAX b. Decay – Street Sweeper through a table to Steve

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 13, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

Tonight is all about the announcers as we have an eight person tag between Team Borash and Team Matthews with the winner getting…..it seems just bragging rights actually. This is the top story in the promotion at the moment as we’re still waiting on most other stories to really take off. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We get a recap of most of last week’s show.

Reno Scum vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. vs. Decay

It’s not a good sign when your tag division is the champs and the three teams they beat to win the belts. Josh starts off by insulting “all the marks and idiots on Twitter” as Adam kicks Garza down. It’s off to Crazzy Steve as Josh talks about all the support he has on social media. The Kid gets dragged in so Abyss can hammer away, leaving Josh to insult the fans some more.

Josh officially confirms that he’s off commentary if his team loses, thankfully followed by Pope talking about the match for a few seconds. That’s too long though so let’s plug Fury being unleashed tonight and the Fite Network app. Luster comes in for a spinebuster on Steve but gets chokeslammed by Abyss. It’s back to Kid for a springboard dropkick to send Abyss outside, followed by a suicide dive from Adam. Luster hits a running Razor’s Edge into the corner and an assisted double stomp ends Steve at 6:10.

Rating: D+. This is going to be a really, really long night with the commentary being way more annoying than it needs to be. At the end of the day, it’s a match about arguing commentators instead of the World Title situation or anything important. The match was nothing special and was your usual calamity, which happens way too often in these matches.

Josh leaves for a phone call.

Andrew Everett thinks he’s earned a title shot but the Helms Dynasty comes in to say not so fast. Instead, tonight it’s a four way with Everett vs. Suicide, Marshe Rockett and someone else. Everett has an idea: Helms himself can fill out the match. Helms is eventually talked into it.

Here’s Bruce Prichard to announce the new #1 contender by way of a fan vote. The choices were James Storm and Ethan Carter III with the fans choosing…..Storm. This brings out a ticked off Carter to say Prichard needs to read it again. Bruce says it was Carter’s idea to put the choice in the hands of the people and that one loss to Alberto El Patron probably stuck in the fans’ heads. Bruce’s suggestion is to go find a mirror and see if Carter can find out what happened to the man that used to run Impact Wrestling. Maybe the fans gave up on him for tapping out to El Patron. Carter is off to ponder.

Good segment here as Carter is really starting to sink into his heel turn, which they’ve allowed to build over time. Bruce was solid here too, which isn’t something you normally get from him. I can get where both of them are coming from and that’s not something you see too often.

Karen Jarrett wants to make Impact great.

Allie/Braxton Sutter vs. KM/Sienna

The guys start things off and here’s Josh back from his long phone call. KM misses a charge in the corner and let’s look at the commentators for a bit. Allie drops to the floor so Sienna yells a lot, allowing KM to run Sutter over from behind. As usual, commentary continues to talk about the main event and ignores Sutter slipping out of a powerslam. A suplex sends KM into the corner and Sienna misses a charge into another corner. Allie tags herself in and hits a crossbody with Sienna tripping over KM for the pin at 3:49.

Rating: D. Not much to see here again but thankfully Allie and Sutter finally won something. This story is starting to go long but at least they won a match here, which isn’t likely to be the blowoff. Allie pinning Sienna makes sense and hopefully they win a few more matches going forward.

Post match Kongo Kong (the Fury that was to be unleashed, complete with his rather large and saggy breasts) comes in and beats up Sutter. Laurel Van Ness comes out and helps beat Allie down.

Josh to JB on what happens after tonight’s main event: “I’m going to beat you and drag you out of here like United Airlines!”

Rosemary vs. Santana Garrett

Non-title and Santana used to wrestle here as Brittany. Rosemary chokes her over the ropes as Josh says he and his team are going to party in the hotel room and watch You’ve Got Mail on Pop TV. What hotel is he staying in that gets Pop TV? Back in and a clothesline in the corner sets up a t-bone suplex for no cover. A Last Chancery lets Santana do the long crawl to the ropes, followed by a handspring elbow in the corner. Josh: “Shades of Muta. Or Matthews!” Garrett misses a Lionsault though and the Red Wedding is good for the pin at 4:57.

Rating: C-. Slightly better match here and having Garrett back would be a good thing for the division. They’re really needing some fresh blood and having a familiar face (even one who wasn’t the biggest deal) back is a good thing. Rosemary doesn’t really have a top opponent to face at the moment, which isn’t good when she’s had the title for six months now.

Angelina Love stops kissing Davey Richards to say everyone deserves the suffering they’ll hand out.

Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Suicide vs. Shane Helms

Helms is in a jacket, Impact t-shirt and jeans with knee pads. Everett goes after him at the bell but Helms bails to the floor and trips Everett, only to run from Suicide. Not that it matters as everyone else hits a dropkick, leaving Rockett in control. Everett slips on a springboard spinwheel kick but takes Rockett down anyway. Helms makes a save and finally takes off his jacket. A Downward Spiral stuns Everett but he knocks Helms outside anyway. Rockett comes back with a gordbuster, only to miss a high crossbody. Everett kicks Suicide to the floor and hits Rockett with the shooting star for the pin at 6:11.

Rating: C. The match was watchable (Everett’s botch aside) and all my normal X-Division complaints stand. They’ve got something interesting here with the Everett feud but the rest of the division (if you can call it that) is just floating along in their multi-man matches because that’s the only thing this company knows how to do with them. At least there’s a feud, though it hasn’t been the best executed.

Trevor Lee goes after Everett and gets laid out.

Matt Morgan wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

DJZ vs. Davey Richards

Davey kicks him down in the corner to start but stops to kiss Angelina. That earns him a suicide dive but more kicks stagger DJZ. The top rope double stomp misses though and DJZ kicks away before grabbing a jawbreaker. Richards pulls him down with an ankle lock for the submission at 3:22.

Rating: C. Just a squash here and there’s nothing wrong with that. Richards is far more interesting as a singles heel than he ever was as a tag wrestler and I’ve dug his feud with Edwards. DJZ is a talented guy and he’s not going to lose anything from a loss to a bigger star like Richards.

Post match Eddie Edwards and Alisha come out for the brawl but security breaks it up.

The Veterans of War are coming.

The announcers bicker one last time.

Team Matthews vs. Team Borash

Matthews: Lashley, Bram, Eli Drake, Tyrus

Borash: Alberto El Patron, Chris Adonis, Matt Morgan, Magnus

Alberto runs Drake over to start as the announcers are already at it again, though this time it’s a bit more understandable. It’s quickly off to Lashley, who misses an elbow on Adonis as Josh yells about Lashley spearing Pope last year. Bram and Magnus come in and quickly head to the floor for a brawl with Bram getting the better of it.

Drake can’t keep control though and it’s off to Alberto for the house cleaning. Back from a break with Tyrus running Adonis (Josh: “If that’s your real name!”) over from behind. Josh’s team starts taking turns stomping away on Adonis with Drake getting in a good looking slam.

Tyrus misses a Vader Bomb though and there’s the hot tag off to Morgan. House is cleaned and we hit the parade of finishers with Bram breaking up Morgan’s chokeslam. Magnus tags himself in as Morgan adds a Carbon Footprint, setting up the top rope elbow for the pin on Bram at 18:53.

Rating: C+. Pretty good eight man tag and the ending was the right call, which is the whole point of the show. The thing is this match showed the problem with the whole evil announcer idea: it made sense for him to be running his mouth here but it doesn’t mean as much when he’s doing it for the other ninety minutes of the show.

The locker room empties out to bid Josh (who is speechless in a funny moment) goodbye.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was more of a relief than anything else. Josh and JB’s feud has ruined a lot of shows in recent weeks but hopefully this wraps it up (assuming TNA doesn’t find a way around it) for good. The rest of the show was…..well it was certainly there. The Carter turn is going to be good but I’m not really sold on a lot of the other stuff. Maybe the new taping cycle will help but they really shouldn’t be running out of steam five weeks into a relaunch.

Results

Reno Scum b. Decay and Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. – Assisted double stomp to Steve

Allie/Braxton Sutter b. Sienna/KM – Crossbody to Sienna

Rosemary b. Santana Garrett – Red Wedding

Andrew Everett b. Shane Helms, Marshe Rockett and Suicide – Shooting star press to Rockett

Davey Richards b. DJZ – Ankle lock

Team Borash b. Team Matthews – Top rope elbow to Bram

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 6, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

We’re past Wrestlemania so it’s time for the real Orlando wrestlers to take their city back. Last week’s show focused on a wide variety of stories, which helped set up a lot of this week’s material. Tonight we have a gauntlet match for the #1 contendership to the Knockouts Title plus a last man standing match between Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Eli Drake vs. Caleb Konley

This starts immediately after the opening sequence with no entrances. Drake sends him outside for a cheap shot from Tyrus, followed by some right hands from Eli back inside. A neckbreaker out of the corner gives Eli two but Caleb comes right back with a rolling palm strike. That actually sends Drake outside for a suicide dive, followed by a high crossbody for no cover. Caleb goes up but Tyrus offers a distraction, allowing Drake to hit White Noise for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: D+. I’m very glad Drake has a better finisher as no one was going to buy a knee lift and clothesline for someone who is supposed to be climbing the card. Drake seems to be just a few months away from rocketing towards the main event (or at least he should be) and changing finishers was the right call. Not the worst match here and it’s a rare instance of just a match to put someone over.

Josh and JB bicker AGAIN, this time focusing on Josh calling JB ugly. Bruce Prichard comes down and demands that Josh and JB get in the ring. Josh: “I’m sorry I said I wished you were dead!” Bruce says everyone is sick of hearing from these guys so he’s got a solution. They’re both going to pick a team and we’ll see who knows the most. I hope that means the loser is off commentary.

Gauntlet Match

This is basically a Royal Rumble with the final two having a regular match where the winner gets a future title shot. Ava Storie is in at #1 and Madison Rayne is in at #2, complete with the Killer Queen song. That goes nowhere so after the first one minute interval, Rebel is in at #3. Storie runs them both over with a double clothesline and Amanda Rodriguez is in at #4.

The two newcomers slug it out with no one even attempting an elimination. M.J. Jenkins is in at #5 as the announcers just act like we should know who all these new people are. Diamante from LAX is in at #6 and Rodriguez is the first one eliminated. ODB is in at #7 and sends the other five into the corner for a huge splash.

Storie is put out after a pretty solid performance and Brandi Rhodes completes the field at #8. Brandi gets rid of Diamante and Jenkins eliminates Rebel. ODB and Brandi double team Jenkins out but Madison tosses Brandi a second later. That leaves ODB vs. Rayne for the title shot and it’s now pin or submission. Not that it lasts long or anything though as ODB hits a quick Bam for the win at 9:21.

Rating: F. Yeah this was horrible and there’s no way around it. I have no idea who half the wrestlers in this match were and commentary would rather talk about Josh being married to Madison than tell us ANYTHING about these people. To be fair though, TNA fans have proven that they’ll watch anything this company presents so they might as well fill the shows with cheap talent.

Here’s James Storm for a chat. During his entrance, Josh says he won a coin toss to determine who gets to make the first pick. So wait: do they get to pick anyone they want or do the people have to agree? Earlier tonight it was implied that the announcers have to pick the teams with JB saying Josh didn’t have enough friends to fill a lineup. Anyway, Storm says the Cowboy is back and it’s time for him to become World Champion again.

Cue Bram and Kingston to rant about Storm lying to them about the DCC. Storm says he picked the music and bought the suits while Kingston was the one begging for a job. Kingston spits in Storm’s face and takes a Last Call. Bram loads up a chair shot but gets stared down. Another Last Call sends the chair into Bram’s face and Storm hits the catchphrase.

Andrew Everett thinks he’s earned an X-Division Title match. Gregory Helms and Trevor Lee come up to say Everett can have a shot if he wins his triple threat tonight.

Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Suicide

Everett kicks Rockett to the floor as the announcers KEEP GOING about their upcoming tag match before switching over to fantasy baseball. This is the kind of stuff you expect from One Night Only shows. Suicide knocks Andrew to the floor and follows with the falling dive. Back in and Rockett stomps on Everett before powerslamming him out of the air.

Everett sends both of them to the floor again and follows with a corkscrew dive. Suicide grabs something like a Black Widow on Everett as the announcers argue over whether Al Snow should have Pope’s job. A kick sends Suicide to the floor and Everett hits a shooting star for the pin on Rockett at 6:24.

Rating: C. I like the fact that they’re actually building someone up as a challenger for a title match down the line and for once there’s an actual story in this division. I have no confidence in them to follow up on all this stuff but at least we’ve got something brewing for now, which is more than they’ve done in a long time.

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards

Last Man Standing and Eddie jumps Davey in the aisle. Eddie knocks him into the barricade and follows with two suicide dives as they quickly head into the crowd. Davey gets crotched on a barricade but ducks a dive, sending Eddie crashing into a garbage can for a good looking spot. Richards gets in a few kicks, stops to kiss Angelina Love, and grabs a chair.

Angelina throws in two more chairs with Davey setting the two of them up in the middle. Josh’s response: “I have my third member!” Eddie uses another kiss distraction to powerbomb Davey through the chairs for a six count. Not that it matters as Eddie grabs even more chairs (bringing the total up to at least six) and pelts one at Davey’s head. Eddie piles the chairs up but Angelina grabs the foot, allowing Davey to superplex Edwards onto the pile. We see Eddie’s wife Alisha Edwards in the front row for some trash talk with Angelina.

Back from a break with Davey hitting Eddie in the head with a chain wrapped fist but Alisha’s cheers bring Eddie back to his feet. Rapid fire chops have Davey in trouble and a belly to belly into the corner makes things even worse. A baseball slide sends a chair into Davey’s face and Eddie wraps a chair around Davey’s neck.

The top rope double stomp somehow doesn’t kill Davey so the women get into it, resulting in a chair taking Alisha down. Eddie gets chaired as well so Davey wraps a chain around his foot but stops with second thoughts. Angelina tells him to do it for her and Creeping Death with the chain ends Eddie at 22:43.

Rating: B+. This got the time that it needed and the violence was more than enough to make it work. These two beat the heck out of each other and made it look like they wanted to kill each other. Now the problem is they need to let the feud end here instead of just continuing it for the sake of continuing it, which gets old in a hurry.

We get a video on Veterans of War involving Operation Iraqi Freedom. I believe one of them was Gunner, who is a former member of the military.

JB wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

LAX celebrates their title win.

We look at James Storm updating his theme music in a studio.

Alberto El Patron vs. Jon Bolen

A few kicks have Bolen in trouble but he grabs a powerslam. That’s about it for his offense though as Alberto sends him into the corner for the top rope double stomp and the pin at 1:18.

Post match Alberto calls out Lashley.

Allie/Braxton Sutter and KM/Sienna are getting into it again when Karen Jarrett comes in to break it up. They’ll have a mixed tag next week.

Fury is unleashed next week and has something to do with Sutter and Allie.

Bruce Prichard is out to moderate the picking of the teams, which really is how they’re closing the show. Josh goes first and picks Lashley while JB picks Alberto El Patron. Next up we have Bram for Josh and JB picks Chris Adonis (Masters). There’s nothing in between these picks save for a little arguing here and there. Josh goes with Eli Drake and Tyrus helps Josh’s team beat down the good guys. Matt Morgan comes out for the save and gets in a staredown with Lashley as someone else gets out of a limo. We’re out of time though so go to Impact’s website to find out who the last team member is (it’s Magnus).

Overall Rating: D+. This is a show where one thing really does bring the whole thing down. We had a great gimmick match and some stuff involving the World Title but what closes the show? Bickering announcers. Can you imagine if Cole vs. Lawler closed a show instead of something involving John Cena?

This show also gave a great illustration of the problem with announcers as major characters: it was the main thing we heard about all night long. The stuff in the ring got almost no focus because we had to hear about how great Josh was and how JB didn’t want to hear about it. I’m going to assume Josh winds up being some big heel manager (which wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world) but DANG this story is ruining some good stuff on the show. Big step down from last week here and it’s almost all because of one story.

Results

Eli Drake b. Caleb Konley – White Noise

ODB won a gauntlet match last eliminating Madison Rayne

Andrew Everett b. Marshe Rockett and Suicide – Shooting star press to Rockett

Davey Richards b. Eddie Edwards – Creeping Death with a chain around the boot

Alberto El Patron b. Jon Bolen – Top rope double stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 23, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re on to week three of the reboot and hopefully last week’s improvements continue here. Last week’s show was a slight upgrade from the borderline disaster of the first week but it’s not clear where things are going. The big story coming out of last week was the announcement of a Tag Team Title tournament which starts next week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a detailed recap of last week’s show.

Opening sequence.

Davey Richards vs. Suicide

Davey, billed as the Lone Wolf, comes out with Angelina Love. Richards is quickly sent to the floor so Suicide can follow him out with a big dive. That’s about it for Suicide though as Davey knocks him around and hits a hard clothesline back inside. Some kicks to the ribs have Suicide in more trouble but Davey stops to kiss Angelina. A springboard missile dropkick sends Davey outside again and, naturally, a suicide dive follows. Back in again with Davey hitting a Saito suplex but missing the top rope stomp. Not that it matters as Creeping Death is good for the pin on Suicide at 6:00.

Rating: C-. Davey and Angelina are a good combination (most married couples are) and I’m digging Richards a bit better this time around. The heel character works better than his long running face character which just felt like a guy in tights who threw a lot of kicks. The next fight with Eddie Edwards should be fun.

Josh yells at JB for saying “she” is here over and over. Josh: “STOP USING PRONOUNS!”

We go to LAX’s headquarters where Konnan talks about bringing violence out of Tijuana.

Laurel Van Ness is still falling apart when Sienna comes in to try and calm them down. She has a surprise for Allie and Braxton Sutter. Sienna also advises a shower but Laurel sings the Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow instead.

Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

Bahh and Bokara are the Monster Factory Tag Team Champions and from the Philippines/Croatia respectively. Idris and Garza start things off with Garza armdragging him to the mat and stopping to take off his (as in his own) pants. The 400lbs Baah (looks a bit like Yokozuna) comes in and shoves Laredo around before crushing him with a crossbody. It’s off to Mario to rip at the mask as Josh talks about where we can see Schitt’s Creek on demand. Laredo gets in a cutter on Abraham and the hot tag brings in Shera to clean house. A spinebuster plants Bahh and the Sky High ends Mario at 5:21.

Rating: D+. Uh, sure. I’m not entirely clear on why I should care about five people I don’t know and the worthless Shera but at least we don’t have to watch any of those expensive talents again. The match wasn’t even horrible but those might as well have been the Filler Titles instead of the Monster Factory belts.

A limo is here.

Decay vs. Reno Scum

Adam and Steve start things off with Thornstone hitting a standing moonsault, only to have Abyss come in for the staredown with Luster. That means shouting OY a lot and Abyss’ headbutt has no effect. Abyss gets headbutted into the corner and it’s back to Steve as JB says Reno Scum debuted last week (it was two weeks ago).

Thornstone is sent outside for some shots from Rosemary, followed by a lick from Steve. The beating continues with Abyss choking away and saying how good it feels. The hot tag brings in Luster for a fisherman’s buster as everything breaks down. Rosemary mists Steve by mistake and gets thrown onto Abyss. That leaves Luster to hold Steve up for a leapfrog into a double stomp from Adam for the pin at 6:56.

Rating: D. As I said before: I still have no idea why I’m supposed to be interested in Reno Scum because they don’t feel like anything special. Yeah they’re fine and all that jazz but it was basically “here’s a new team you might know from Future Stars of Wrestling”. What’s Future Stars of Wrestling? Eh, some company that we’re just assuming you know and that we’re not going to elaborate on further. Give us some promos or vignettes on these guys and let us know something about them other than their names and hometown.

Fury is unleashed on April 6.

Grand Championship: Eli Drake vs. Moose

Moose is defending Drake has Tyrus in his corner. And never mind as Cody, in a Bullet Club hoodie, has jumped Moose backstage. Cross Rhodes on the ramp leaves Moose laying and there’s no match.

Here’s LAX (with five members) to say they’re here for the Tag Team Titles. Konnan says they’re here to live and die in LAX and Homicide adds 5150.

LAX vs. DCC

It’s Santana/Ortiz for LAX vs. Storm/Bram. Storm gets double teamed to start and Santana drops an assisted moonsault. The comeback is cut off and we take an early break. Back with Storm getting in a Backstabber on Ortiz but Santana keeps him in the corner. Storm finally gets over for the hot tag to Bram so house can be cleaned. Not that it really matters though as it’s back to Storm just a few moments later. We get the stupid make one partner DDT another spot with Storm grabbing a neckrbeaker on Ortiz who DDT’s Santana. Kingston hits Storm by mistake though and a kind of double team belly to back flip suplex puts Storm away at 11:03.

Rating: C+. This is another case where the brand new team is thrown on TV but at least they have a name and gimmick we’re familiar with (assuming you were around years ago) and they were a bit better in the ring. Hopefully this leads to the end of the DCC as it’s been one of the biggest wastes of time in recent memory around here. Storm was wrestling like a face in the match anyway so you can tell they’re on borrowed time.

Post match Storm gets in an argument with Kingston which should signal the beginning of the end.

Earlier this week, Bruce Prichard sat down with Lashley to talk about his wrestling history. He’s wrestled everywhere and is really good. More on this later. Of all the people on the roster, the multiple time World Champion needs a get to know you interview? He was acting like a face here too so maybe he’s turning. Or they don’t know how to do an interview.

DJZ wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

Moose vs. Cody for the Grand Championship is set for next week.

Braxton Sutter and Allie aren’t worried about Sienna’s threats.

Rebel vs. ODB

Rebel knocks her to the floor to start but misses a top rope splash back inside. ODB takes a hit from the flask and there’s a Bronco Buster. ODB: “I’m a classy broad!” Rebel grabs her cowboy hat so Earl Hebner takes it away and kisses her because sexual assault is totally ok. Earl puts the hat on and takes a hit from the flask, earning himself a kiss from ODB. That means a Flair Flop from Earl and a TKO to Rebel for the pin at 4:01.

Rating: F. Oh just…..no. This is one of those matches where the company decides to beat you over the head with “comedy” and if you don’t like it, that’s just too bad. ODB has never done anything for me and that hasn’t changed here. Rebel looks great but, as usual, that’s not enough to warrant her being around.

More from the Lashley interview. He was about to go to the Olympics but was in a bank when a robbery broke out, which caused a knee injury. He’s here now and ready to work as hard as ever. You mean the World Champion is going to work hard?

Lashley vs. Jake Holmes

Non-title. Lashley stomps him down, stomps him down some more, hits a Dominator for two, delays a vertical suplex and hits the spear for the pin at 1:54.

JB is in the ring for the big return of……Karen Jarrett. Karen is full on face here, signing an autograph on the way to the ring. You know, because time can heal all wounds since she was the evil villain before. We get a bunch of pro-Karen chants as she’s overwhelmed by the reaction. Karen talks about all the positive energy around here but gets cut off by a FIRE JOSH chant. Karen keeps going about how special this is but Ethan Carter III cuts her off.

Ethan talks about how awesome the fans are and calls them all his friends. Everyone around here makes this place great but it’s all about the locker room. We all want to make Impact great and he’s done what he can do to so as the greatest original star this company has ever had. He’s going to do it for his own last name though….and here’s Josh to say stop all this.

Josh yells about being put at the table with the JV squad while Karen assembles this team of authority figures like Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel. These people are here because they couldn’t afford a ticket so they need to shut up (they edited out the part where he said “couldn’t afford a ticket to NXT”). Josh talks about his problem being with Karen and being married to Madison Rayne. It’s only a matter of time before the Jarrett Family is gone from Impact Wrestling forever. Karen slaps him down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. So much for progressing. This was a lot of really uninteresting stuff with most of these new acts being thrown out there with little to no build or set up. I still don’t know who most of them are, nor do I have any real reason to care. Other than that we got to know the four time World Champion a little bit better and then saw a former authority figure come back to yell at the heel announcer. What exactly was accomplished here? I know big stuff can’t happen every week but it’s the third show in a reboot of the company. If they’re already running out of ideas to fill in two hours, they’re in VERY big trouble.

Results

Davey Richards b. Suicide – Creeping Death

Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Sky High to Bokara

Reno Scum b. Decay – Double stomp to Steve

LAX b. DCC – Double team belly to back flip suplex to Storm

ODB b. Rebel – TKO

Lashley b. Jake Holmes – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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