Hell In A Cell 2022
Date: June 5, 2022
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole

It’s time for one of the big gimmick shows and I think you know what is headlining. However, things have changed a bit at the last minute, as Cody Rhodes has suffered a torn pectoral muscle, meaning his match against Seth Rollins will be more than a bit different. The match is still on and inside the Cell, but I’m not sure how much Rhodes can do. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at some of the history of the Cell before moving on to talk about almost every match on the card.

We recap Bianca Belair defending the Raw Women’s Title against Asuka and Becky Lynch. Belair won the title from Lynch at Wrestlemania but Asuka then returned and wanted into the title picture. Now Lynch has jumped back in as well, meaning the triple threat is the only option.

Raw Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch

Belair is defending and it’s Becky dropping to the floor to start. Belair tells Asuka to bring it so it’s a clothesline to take her down early on. Lynch takes Asuka’s place so Belair slams her off the top and looks rather pleased. Asuka comes back in to clean house though and Becky is down again. That lets Asuka go up but Becky Iconoclasms her down onto Belair for two each in a smart move.

A Hennig necksnap gets two on Belair and Lynch kicks away at Asuka. The middle rope Fameasser knocks Belair out of the ropes for two and the top rope legdrop gets the same, with Asuka making the save this time. Asuka wins a strike off with Lynch and snaps off a German suplex for a bonus. There’s the running hip attack for two but the Asuka Lock is countered into a rollup for two.

The Disarm-Her is broken up but so is Belair’s KOD. Belair hammers away at both of them in the corner at the same time and the handspring moonsault gets a double two. With that not working, Belair puts Asuka on top but has to kick Asuka away. Belair moonsaults over Asuka but gets caught in a Codebreaker, with Becky taking one of her own. The double hip attack gets two each so Asuka ankle locks both of them at once.

That’s broken up as well so it’s Belair putting Asuka down on the floor, only to walk into the Manhandle Slam from Lynch. Asuka makes a diving save and everyone is down. Back up and Asuka misses the hip attack, allowing Belair to grab the Disarm-Her in the ropes. Belair breaks that up with the KOD attempt but gets knocked out to the floor. The Asuka Lock has Lynch in trouble but Belair comes in off the top with…..something that doesn’t seem to have been timed right. The hold is broken up anyway and Belair is sent into the buckle. Lynch Manhandle Slams Asuka so Belair is right there to steal the pin and retain at 18:16.

Rating: B. This was the action packed match that you would have expected and it worked out rather well. The ending doesn’t surprise me at all as Asuka seemed to be there to take the fall so Lynch and Belair can continue to look strong on the way to whenever their next showdown may be. It might not have been a classic, but this was the best choice for a hot opener that they had.

Cedric Alexander tries to talk his way onto MVP’s good side but MVP insists that the Hurt Business is done.

We recap MVP/Omos vs. Bobby Lashley, which is all about Lashley wanting to get his hands on MVP for good. This has involved three Omos vs. Lashley matches and adding MVP is the st they can do for some fresh blood.

MVP/Omos vs. Bobby Lashley

MVP starts but immediately hands it off to Omos for the big staredown. Lashley slugs away but isn’t willing to go for a test of strength. Instead, Lashley kicks him down again but Omos drops him with a few shots. Now MVP will come in to kick away but MVP goes after the eyes. Omos comes back in but Lashley knocks MVP to the floor and kicks Omos down. A suplex attempt is countered into a gordbuster though and Omos drops him face first onto the turnbuckle.

There’s a running boot to Lashley and they head outside, with Omos awkwardly driving him through the barricade. Back in and MVP gets one before pounding away at the downed Lashley. A quick spear hits MVP but Omos makes the save. Cue Cedric Alexander for a failed interference attempt on Omos, who shoves him to the floor. Another spear cuts Omos down and the Hurt Lock finishes MVP at 8:17.

Rating: C. This could have been on any given edition of Raw and I don’t think that is much of a surprise. Lashley has now run through both of them and there is little more to do, unless you want to have Lashley crush MVP as well. I would hope not as it is time to move on, but at least they have made Lashley look like a giant slayer.

Post match Lashley is fired up and holds up a fan’s WWE Title. Lashley vs. Reigns would be a fine title match, assuming Reigns ever bothers to show up.

Commentary confirms Cody Rhodes’ torn pectoral muscle but he will be in the Cell against Seth Rollins anyway.

Kevin Owens vs. Ezekiel

Owens has been going nuts in an attempt to prove that Ezekiel is really Elias. How this match will help him accomplish that isn’t entirely clear. Owens yells to start so Ezekiel hits a jumping knee and a top rope elbow for a very early two. That sends Owens outside so Ezekiel beats him up and then sends him into the announcers’ table. A posting cuts Ezekiel of though and it’s a backsplash for two back inside. The middle rope moonsault gives Owens the same and frustration is setting in. Owens: “THAT’S ELIAS!!!”

The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by some choking, with more screaming, on the ropes. Back up and Ezekiel slugs away, only to get caught in a tornado DDT for two. The Swanton hits knees though and Ezekiel gets a needed breather. Ezekiel unloads in the corner and hits some running splashes, followed by a spinebuster for two. The pop up sitout powerbomb gives Owens two of his own and now he wants Ezekiel to admit it. That earns Owens another knee but this time Owens catches him on top. A superkick into the Cannonball sets up the Stunner to give Owens the pin at 9:18.

Rating: C. Ezekiel has been having some better matches and this was his best yet, but I’m not sure why you would have Owens win clean here. It doesn’t help Owens prove Ezekiel’s identity but it takes away a lot of Ezekiel’s momentum. This doesn’t seem to be the most logical way to go, but maybe they have some kind of twist coming in the whole thing.

Quick recap of Judgment Day vs. AJ Styles/Finn Balor/Liv Morgan. The team wants Styles to join but he keeps saying no, so destruction has been promised.

Judgment Day vs. Liv Morgan/AJ Styles/Finn Balor

It’s a big showdown and brawl to start with Morgan hurricanranaing Ripley into the corner. Back up and Ripley hits a headbutt, setting up a delayed vertical suplex. Morgan is back up with a middle rope dropkick and it’s off to Styles vs. Priest for a change. A Pele kick rocks Priest so Balor comes in to start on the arm. Priest manages to get in a cheap shot though and Balor is sent outside, with Edge sending him into various objects.

Back in and a hard whip into the corner rocks Balor again. A flapjack cuts off the hot tag attempt and it’s Priest grabbing the chinlock. That’s broken up and Balor hits a Pele, allowing the hot tag to Styles. House is cleaned and the Phenomenal Forearm drops Edge but Priest breaks up the pin. Morgan and Ripley come back in with the former grabbing another hurricanrana. A crucifix bomb gives Morgan two but she has to escape Riptide and hands it back to Balor.

Everything breaks down again and Balor/Styles hit stereo slingshot dives. Back in and Ripley breaks up the Coup de Grace but Styles is back in with the Phenomenal Forearm to Priest. Edge posts Styles but Balor is back up with the Sling Blade. There’s the shotgun dropkick in the corner as a trainer can be seen checking on Styles. Ripley’s distraction breaks up the Coup de Grace so Morgan cuts her off, only to have Edge spear Balor down for the pin at 16:04.

Rating: B-. Good enough match here, though this feud needs to end as Judgment Day needs to move on to someone else. I’m not sure who that is, but they have soundly beaten Styles and company and need to go do something else. Maybe someone jumps onto the team tomorrow, but it isn’t exactly an interesting story this time around as Judgment Day has dominated everything they do against Styles.

Bobby Lashley comes up to Cedric Alexander in the back and asks what that was. Alexander says that was him doing something for himself, which Lashley can understand. Just don’t do that again.

We recap Madcap Moss vs. Happy Corbin. The team split up after Wrestlemania and Corbin put Moss on the shelf. Moss then came back a lot more serious and tonight it’s about revenge.

Happy Corbin vs. Madcap Moss

No Holds Barred. Moss doesn’t waste time in clotheslining Corbin outside and they’re quickly up by the entrance. That doesn’t last long as they’re right back in the ring, with Moss hitting another clothesline to send Corbin back to the floor. Moss grabs a chair but Corbin knocks him down, only to have Moss throw another chair at him. Corbin knocks him down again and loads up a chair back inside, only to be drop toeholded face first into said chair.

The Punch Line is broken up though and Corbin gets two off of Deep Six. Corbin puts a chair in the corner and of course is sent face first into it, allowing Moss to start chairing him down for a change. Moss knocks him outside but a charge is cut off with a chop block. The chair is wrapped around Moss’ neck and sent into the announcers’ table to knock him even sillier. Back in and the steps are placed in the corner, with Corbin fall away slammed into them. The Punch Line connects and Moss Pillmanizes Corbin’s neck with the steps for the pin at 12:04.

Rating: C. Moss’ new look and attitude make all the difference in the world for him as I could take him somewhat seriously. I don’t know how high of a ceiling he might have but this is a lot better than whatever he was doing before. Either way, this feud needs to be done, as there is no reason for Moss to beat Corbin again. That ending should write Corbin off for the time being, but it probably won’t.

Corbin is stretchered out.

US Title: Theory vs. Mustafa Ali

Theory is defending and hometown boy Ali gets a big special entrance. An armdrag sends Theory outside and there’s the big high crossbody to take him down again. Ali gets posted to put him in trouble but he manages a drop toehold to send Theory into the buckle. The chinlock goes on for a bit until Ali is back up with a spinwheel kick.

Ali’s rolling neckbreaker drops Theory again but he’s fine enough to hit a springboard Spanish Fly for two of his own. Ali is able to knock him down again and heads up top, only to get crotched. A Town Down is countered into an STF but Theory makes the rope. The tornado DDT plants Theory again but the 450 misses, allowing Theory to chop block the already banged up knee. A Town Down retains the title at 10:19.

Rating: C+. I knew Ali was losing his big hometown title shot, you knew Ali was losing his big hometown title shot and the world knew Ali was losing his big hometown title shot. WWE isn’t going to give the fans that kind of feel good moment, especially when Ali has more punishment to receive. This was the biggest layup on the show and that is one of the things WWE might want to work on.

We recap Cody Rhodes vs. Seth Rollins inside the Cell.

Cody Rhodes vs. Seth Rollins

Inside the Cell and Cody has a torn pectoral muscle. Rollins cranks up the evil by coming out in Dusty Rhodes polka dots but Cody’s chest steals the show, because it looks AWFUL, making him seem all the nuttier for being out there. Cody starts firing off the left hands and manages a Disaster Kick, setting up a not so great Cody Cutter. The Figure Four goes on but Rollins manages to reach underneath the ring and grab a tool box. That doesn’t work so it’s a kendo stick to the bad arm to break things up.

Rollins stabs him in the chest with the stick and then knocks Cody into the Cell. Cody manages a whip of his own but can barely follow up. The steps off the shoulder rocks Cody again so Rollins puts on Cody’s jacket. He also grabs the weightlifting belt to beat on Rhodes before setting up the table. The fans chant THANK YOU ROLLINS as he steps on the bad arm in the corner. Cody can’t powerbomb him through the table but he can avoid the frog splash through the table, leaving Rollins down.

With nothing else working, Rhodes pulls out a bullrope with a cowbell so Rollins is confused. Rhodes ties one end around his wrist and Rollins does the same, giving us an impromptu bullrope match. Cody takes him down and hits a superkick, setting up the cowbell to the head for two. Rollins gets in another shot and unhooks the rope, allowing him to set up a table. A one armed Cross Rhodes gives Cody a quick two but the arm gives out on a powerbomb attempt.

Rollins cranks on the arm and toss powerbombs Cody through the table for two. It’s sledgehammer time but Cody kicks it away and hits a Pedigree for two of his own. Cody grabs the hammer but gets caught with the Stomp for two more. Another Stomp is countered into Cross Rhodes from Rollins but Cody pops up and hits one of his own for the double knockdown. They both go for the hammer but Cody switches to back to back Cross Rhodes. Now Rhodes picks up the hammer and hits a running shot for the pin at 24:18.

Rating: B+. That’s on a heck of a sliding scale as Cody was almost literally fighting with one arm. Having him win, especially before he goes off for surgery that might have him missing all the way through the Rumble, is quite the choice. It might be a feel good moment, but Rollins is going to need some time to recover from that kind of a loss. Cody looked like an absolute star and points for an amazing effort, but that arm was about as gruesome as you could get and it was hard to watch at times.

Overall Rating: B. Like many WWE pay per views, you don’t need to see much on the show, but it could have been worse. WWE continues to be a lot easier to watch when they don’t have the storyline nonsense eating away at your sanity and that was the case here. Most of the matches are ok to good, with the opener and main event being worth a look. This was the definition of a C level pay per view that did pretty well, but it had such a lame build on the way here that it was really hard to get excited for anything. Hopefully they can move on now, because these feuds are WAY past their expiration dates.

Results
Bianca Belair b. Asuka and Becky Lynch – Manhandle Slam to Asuka
Bobby Lashley b. Omos/MVP – Hurt Lock to MVP
Kevin Owens b. Ezekiel – Stunner
Judgment Day b. Finn Balor/AJ Styles/Liv Morgan – Spear to Balor
Madcap Moss b. Happy Corbin – Moss Pillmanized Corbin’s neck
Theory b. Mustafa Ali – A Town Down
Cody Rhodes b. Seth Rollins – Sledgehammer to the face

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

This is one of WWE’s signature gimmick shows, but it also seems to be one where WWE is not that interested in promoting the thing. We have seven matches set for the show and three of them were added in the last six days. That doesn’t exactly give me a lot of confidence going into the show but maybe the work alone can pull it out. This certainly wouldn’t be the first time so let’s get to it.

Ezekiel vs. Kevin Owens

This has been something of a comedy feud as Owens continues to fall more than a bit short of that time a few months ago when he headlined WrestleMania with Steve Austin. Instead, he is now in the middle of the modern version of Bobby Heenan trying to unmask Giant Machine, which isn’t exactly the most compelling story. It is a story however, though I’m not sure how much longer it can last.

I’ll take Ezekiel here, as there is little reason to have Owens win if the feud isn’t continuing. If WWE wants Ezekiel to mean something, he has to win his first big match, which would be right here. As much as I don’t want Owens losing AGAIN, it might be the best thing for him, even if I have no idea where the story is going. At the same time, I’m also not sure how much I care where it’s going, but that’s another story for another time. Ezekiel wins here.

Bobby Lashley vs. Omos/MVP

This was the big ending segment for the go home Monday Night Raw and for the life of me I have no idea why. It is the fourth Lashley vs. Omos match in a series that has already included the two of them trading wins and Lashley winning a cage match. Why we are seeing a fourth match between them is beyond me but that is the case with a lot of modern WWE.

Give me Lashley to win here, as he probably beats Omos again on his way to finally getting his hands on MVP. That should be the big goal of the whole thing, though that might mean even more matches between Lashley and Omos and I don’t think I can take much more. Odds are this isn’t the end of the feud, even if Lashley beats both of them at once. Which he will.

US Title: Theory(c) vs. Mustafa Ali

Speaking of rematches, Theory jumped Ali before their title match on Monday and then beat him in a hurry, but that didn’t work for the WWE brass so we’re doing it again here. Theory hasn’t done much with the US Title but that is kind of expected with most modern champions. That being said, he is still in a better place than Ali, who is just kind of there every week, likely getting punished for having an opinion.

As a result, there is no reason to believe that Ali is going to be winning the title here. He is hardly the biggest star on Monday Night Raw at the moment and certainly lower on the totem pole than Theory. This is Ali’s big chance at winning a title (which he hasn’t done in WWE so far) in his hometown, which is just about the ultimate perfect storm for WWE to laugh at fans as their hero falls on his face as the rug is pulled out from underneath him. Again.

Finn Balor/AJ Styles/Liv Morgan vs. Judgment Day

This is one of those matches where the question isn’t about who is going to win but about what is going to happen. WWE has all but said that someone is going to join the team here and that makes you wonder who it is going to be. They have dropped Styles’ name so many times that I doubt it is him, but at the same time, I kind of pity whoever is going to make the jump.

I’ll go with Judgment Day winning here as Balor is the one to join the team. Balor has barely been a factor in this feud save for a few run in saves so it would make sense for him to be the big swerve. The team still doesn’t seem like it has a purpose but maybe once they have their full ranks (or at least a fourth person), they can stop babbling about what they’re doing (whatever that is) and do something for a change.

Raw Women’s Title: Bianca Belair(c) vs. Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Belair beat Lynch to win the title two months ago and since then, the feud has grown to add Asuka, because that’s about as much as you can ask for. That doesn’t exactly make this feel fresh and it certainly doesn’t feel interesting, but when has that ever stopped WWE before? At the very least, this has the makings of a heck of a match because there is quite a bit of talent to be seen in there.

Give me Belair to retain here, as there is no reason to change the title so soon. Belair can pin Asuka (why else is she in there) and likely set up some big rematch with Lynch down the line, probably at Summerslam, because those two are getting to dominate the division at the moment and that is not going to change. Lynch will get in her moments, but this is going to be about Belair taking out Asuka to retain, leaving the big rematch for later.

Happy Corbin vs. Madcap Moss

This is the lone Smackdown match and it is No Holds Barred to distinguish it from last month’s Corbin vs. Moss match. There is a bit of a difference this time though as Moss is now the serious version and he has even dropped the dumb gear that he wore for so long. If they wanted him to be something important, that was great first step and now we might be in for a more plausible push.

There is no reason for Corbin to win here and WWE knows that too, meaning Moss gets to build up some more momentum. Other than that, they should have a hard enough hitting match as Corbin can do the brawling well enough. The match won’t be some kind of a classic, but at least it gets Moss a win and maybe even sets him up for something else down the line. With the changes they have made, it might even work.

Cody Rhodes vs. Seth Rollins

And now, a match at the Cell show actually taking place inside the Cell! This will be the show’s main event and the fact that we have seen Rhodes beat him twice coming into this show is just a detail. I don’t particularly know why I would want to see this again, but at least they did add a personal reason on Raw, when Rollins brought up the AEW connection. That might not be a good reason to put them in the Cell, but that hasn’t stopped WWE in a long time.

Rhodes wins here, because there is no reason for him not to. That should end this feud and let Rhodes get ready for something else going forward, such as a Money In The Bank run or a Summerslam shot at Roman Reigns, assuming he bothers to show up. They’ll have a good match, but I’ll spend most of the match wondering why it’s still happening after Rhodes has beaten him twice coming in.

Overall Thoughts

This isn’t exactly an inspiring card but that is how a lot of June WWE pay per views go. They’re trying to get their third straight show off of the same stories and that isn’t exactly interesting, but at least this should send up on into the summer season. There are some good matches on the card so I’m not dreading the show, but it feels like a pretty low show on WWE’s priority list and that doesn’t have me begging to see it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Judgment Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s another B show but this one is trending more towards B- territory. The main events will see John Cena defending against Great Khali and Edge defending against Batista. Neither of those exactly sound like must see main events, but I’ve certainly heard of worse cards. Maybe the rest can pick up the slack. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about not knowing what is on the other side while looking at the main events.

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

Carlito turned on Flair to split up their team and it’s time for revenge. JR says Flair deserves to be in all the Halls of Fame. I remember him getting inducted into the Paperboy Hall of Fame a few years back in a touching ceremony. Carlito goes right after him to start but gets chopped outside in a hurry. Back in and Carlito takes him down by the arm for some hammerlocking. The arm is sent into the apron and Carlito forearms away in the corner.

The fans are behind Flair but get quieted down when the arm is wrapped around the post. There’s a hammerlock slam but flair comes back up with the good arm for a single chop. That’s all Carlito is going to give up at the moment though as he dropkicks Flair into the corner and goes right back to the arm. Another comeback is cut off as JR sums up the match: Flair is getting one shot in for every two or three from Carlito. The armbar goes on again and an elbow to the face gives Carlito two.

Flair chops his way out of the corner but Carlito cuts him off again with a backdrop. We hit another armbar before Carlito stomps on the arm and grabs a keylock. Flair fights up again with more chops and right hands, plus an elbow to the jaw. There’s the chop block but Carlito cuts him off with a thumb to the eye. The Backstabber is blocked though and Flair stomps on the leg. More stomping sets up the Figure Four for the tap.

Rating: C. Can we please give up on Carlito already? It’s pretty clear that WWE isn’t going to give him a big push (which I can understand) and now he has one of the better matches in his WWE run but loses clean to Flair. I’m fine with Flair winning, but it’s getting a little tiring to watch Carlito get dead end push after dead end push.

Shawn Michaels looks back at being hurt by Great Khali and then kicked in the head by Randy Orton….and gets jumped by him again, leaving Shawn laying.

We recap Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon/Umaga. The trio beat Lashley last month to give Vince the ECW World Title and an angry Lashley is out for revenge. And the title, but that might be implied. Vince has been an amazing heel as the champion and it’s about as perfect of a troll job as you could hope to see.

ECW World Title: Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon/Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is challenging and sends Umaga outside to start. The McMahons are tossed around, with Shane having to save Vince from destruction. That earns Shane an overhead belly to belly and there’s a spear to cut off the invading Umaga. The running powerslam pins Shane in less than a minute and a half.

Post match Umaga takes Lashley down again and Vince says Lashley didn’t pin Vince so that isn’t a title change. Better luck next time as the amazing trolling continues. Of note: Vince lost his stylish doorag in there and most of his hair has grown back.

Shawn Michaels is told he can’t wrestle tonight.

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Punk, with bad ribs coming in, joined Burke’s New Breed but turned on them in about a week. Burke goes straight for the ribs but Punk puts on a headlock to cut him off. Some kicks stagger Burke and it’s a quick breather for a standoff. Burke goes after Punk’s ribs to slow him down, only to get kicked right back down. The chinlock goes on but Burke comes back with more shots to the ribs. Said ribs are fine enough for a t-bone suplex and Punk hits a running elbow in the corner.

A delayed vertical suplex drops Burke for two, though Tazz thinks that might have hurt Punk’s ribs even more. We hit the chinlock but Burke is right up with some shots to the face. Again Punk comes right back with a spinning middle rope crossbody but Burke tosses him over the top, with Punk landing on the steps for a nasty crash. That’s not enough to slow Punk down again though as he slides in with a sunset flip (minus the flip) for two more. The GTS is countered so Punk tosses him outside instead, setting up the suicide dive.

Back in and Punk goes up again, only to get pulled down for a hard crash onto the ribs. Burke starts ripping at the tape (maybe they’re the source of Punk’s powers) and puts on a waistlock. A belly to back suplex gets two on Punk and the fans chant for JBL. Burke is smart enough to grab a bodyscissors while the fans get it out of their system before cutting off a charging Punk.

They head up top, where Punk hits a top rope superplex, only to bang up his ribs again. Back up and Punk gets two off an enziguri, setting up the running knee in the corner. The GTS is countered into the Elijah Experience for two so Burke puts him on top, setting up the Elijah Express in the Tree of Woe. The delayed cover gets two and another Elijah Experience is countered into the GTS to give Punk the pin.

Rating: C+. The first half of this was weird as Punk didn’t seem like he was going to sell a bullet to the ribs, let alone anything Burke threw at him. Things got better later on and they settled into a nice match, with Punk vanquishing Burke after some work. This should free up Punk to move into the ECW Title picture, at least once the McMahons are out of the there. Good match, at least once Punk stopped being a superhero.

Edge brags about his recent accomplishments and promises to retain the title against Batista.

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn isn’t here to start due to not being cleared….but here he is anyway, looking totally out of it (which would have meant something very different for Shawn back in the day). Shawn insists that the bell ring and Orton drops him with one shot. Shawn has to pull himself up on the apron and the hanging DDT drops him hard again.

Commentary already wants this stopped as Orton kicks Shawn in the head again. Orton loads up the RKO but lets Shawn drops out of near pity. Shawn has to go to the eyes to break up a super RKO and manages to shove Orton off the top. The top rope elbow connects and Shawn somehow picks himself up in the corner. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up….and Shawn collapses, which is enough for the referee to call the match.

Rating: C. I have no idea how to rate something like this as it was much more of an angle than a match. Shawn hit about one move, but that’s exactly the point of something like this. It was complete destruction and makes Orton look great, so well done on all fronts here, even if it was barely a match.

Post match Orton hits an RKO, causing Shawn’s wife to come out and cry. Shawn is taken out on a stretcher, which allowed him to go off for a few months for knee surgery.

Great Khali, holding the WWE Title, which isn’t his, says if John Cena wants some, he can come get some.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cade and Murdoch are challenging after having been sneakily respectful to the Hardys as of late. Matt and Cade start things off with Cade grabbing a headlock takeover. That doesn’t last long as Matt is right back up for a standoff. JBL’s strategy for Cade and Murdoch: drink beer and knock people’s teeth out. Simple yet effective. The pace picks up and Matt gets taken into the corner for some arm cranking from both villains. A hard forearm to Cade’s face lets the tag bring in Jeff as things actually slow down for a change. JBL: “You never know what this tattooed up freak is going to do.”

A hiptoss drops Jeff again but Murdoch doesn’t follow up, which is still a bit strange to see. It’s back to Matt for a clothesline and it’s time to work on the arm. The middle rope elbow to the back of the neck gives Matt two but Cade comes in off a blind tag to run Matt over. A dropkick gives Cade two and it’s back to Murdoch as the villains start taking turns. Murdoch’s Vader Bomb hits raised knees though and it’s back to Jeff to start cleaning house.

The slingshot dropkick in the corner gets two on Murdoch and the Hardys clear the ring in a hurry. JBL: “What would you call that move that Jeff Hardy did?” Cole: “Good.” JBL: “That was too easy.” Cade and Murdoch tease walking out but come back in so Jeff can grab a headlock. That’s broken up and Murdoch sends Jeff outside….as the fans sing the Goodbye Song for some reason.

Cade takes Jeff back inside to drop some knees on the back and Murdoch puts on the chinlock. A kick to the face gives Murdoch two and the Code Red/Canadian Destroyer (or somewhere in the middle) gets two. Jeff jawbreaks his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Matt. The Side Effect gets two on Cade but he’s right back with a spinebuster to put Matt down for the same. Not that it matters as it’s a Twist of Fate into the Swanton to give Jeff the retaining pin.

Rating: B-. Rather nice old school formula tag match here with the Hardys winning to hopefully wrap this up. At the end of the day though, there is only so much that you can do when the division only has a handful of teams. The Hardys can work with anyone, but who else is there to work with at the moment? Cade and Murdoch are a good old school southern style tag team too and that is always going to work.

Batista is voted most likely to win a title tonight.

We recap Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown World Title. Edge won the Money in the Bank briefcase on Raw and then cashed it in later in the week to win the title from Undertaker. Now it’s time for Batista to get his shot, as he and Undertaker had gone to a draw just before the cash-in.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

Edge is defending and you can see him panic just a bit when Batista’s music hits (he was always great at the facial expressions). We actually get the instructions from the referee for a bit of old school flavor. Edge hides in the ropes to start as commentary gets in an argument over how much of a champion Edge really is. More bailing to the ropes keeps Batista (with a taped up knee) from getting very far to start so he puts Edge on top instead.

With nothing else working, Batista finally hammers away in the corner and then throws Edge outside. Edge sends the bad knee into the steps to slow Batista down and a missed charge into the post makes things even worse. That gives Edge a new target and the Fujiwara armbar keeps Batista in trouble. It’s switched over into a hammerlock but Batista is back up with shoulders to the ribs in the corner.

Batista clotheslines Edge out of the air and it’s time to slug it out. A powerslam gives Batista two but Edge counters a second attempt into the Edge O Matic for two of his own. The spear cuts Edge in half for two more and Batista hits the spinebuster, only to hurt his own knee. The delay lets Edge pull Batista into a rollup with trunks to retain.

Rating: C-. This was a good example of a match that didn’t work because there wasn’t much of a story. They were fighting over the title, but their story was set up via a two minute promo on Smackdown. I know they didn’t have the time to do anything more, but it left this one really lacking. Edge retaining works just fine as he needs to be established as champion, though it was a pretty lame way to get there.

The WWE Divas are polled on John Cena vs. Great Khali. It’s split, though Maria votes for Batista. For some reason this is edited off of the Peacock version, and I would really hope it isn’t over Victoria and Melina picking Khali because he’s “really really big.”

US Title: MVP vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending (with a bad knee after Smackdown) and it’s 2/3 falls. They fight over a lockup and head outside for a second, only to come back in for a standoff. MVP has to bail to the rope to escape the Crossface before grabbing a headlock takeover. With that not working, MVP takes him down by the knee but Benoit grabs the arm to escape. MVP goes right back to the knee but Benoit is right back with the rolling German suplexes.

The knee gives out though, leaving Benoit to switch to the Crossface instead. A rope gets MVP out of trouble and it’s time to stomp on the knee some more. MVP misses the running boot in the corner and has to escape the Sharpshooter. Instead, MVP goes up top and gets caught in an electric chair, only to have the knee give out. The Playmaker gives MVP the first fall and we get a one minute rest period.

MVP is right back on the leg to keep Benoit in trouble and he gets tied in the Tree of Woe. A kneebar keeps Benoit in trouble and we get what sounds like a “THIS IS BORING” chant. Benoit fights up but gets pulled straight into a stretch muffler. The rope gets Benoit out of trouble but MVP is right back on the knee. Another twist of the knee sets up a small package to give MVP the second fall and the title.

Rating: C+. This was almost a sequel from Benoit vs. Finlay on Smackdown and it wasn’t that much better. There is something off in Benoit as of late and that is going to get sad in a hurry. For now that, MVP winning is a great thing as he FINALLY gets something after weeks of losing almost everything. You can only do so much with him when he can’t win a thing so this was a much needed statement.

We recap John Cena vs. Great Khali for the Raw World Title. Khali took out Edge, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels before dropping Cena on the same night. Cena knows he’s going to get destroyed here but is never one to back down from a challenge.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Great Khali

Khali is challenging but comes in holding the title itself. There is something to be said about the shots of the fans, including one woman, going absolutely coconuts for Cena’s entrance. That is the kind of thing that a lot of wrestlers wish they could do but only a handful can actually make happen. They do the big staredown to start and Cena’s shots to the chest have no effect. Khali’s clothesline has quite the effect though and a right hand puts Cena down again. Cena gets knocked outside for a ram into the steps for two back inside and Khali drops a big leg for the same.

A shot to the knee staggers Khali though and Cena manages the Throwback, only to get kicked in the head. The nerve hold has Cena in more trouble but he powers up for some running shoulders. The big shoulder ties Khali up in the ropes and Cena is smart enough to unload as fast as he can. Khali gets an arm free to knock him away but the big chop is blocked. They fall outside again and Khali grabs the steps, only to have them dropkicked into his face. Back in and Cena scores with the top rope Fameasser (with the fans WAY into the fast comeback), setting up the STFU to retain the title.

Rating: C. It’s probably Khali’s best match ever, though that isn’t exactly a high bar to clear. What matters here is that Cena escapes over a monster and got a good(ish) match out of him, as Khali mainly stood there while Cena flew around. They were smart to keep this short, and dang the crowd being into this helped a lot. Not a great match, but given their situation, it was about as good as it was going to get.

Replays wrap us up, complete with a cut from Cena putting the STFU on to the hold actually being on because WWE likes to cut a lot.

Overall Rating: C+. There was enough good action on here to keep me interested, but it was definitely a step down after the last few big shows. Nothing on here felt like you needed to see it and that is not the best feeling. It was certainly a lower level pay per view and having One Night Stand coming up just two weeks later is not going to make things better. Decent show, but not really worth your time.

 

 

 

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Judgment Day 2006
Date: May 21, 2006
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time for what feels like the most B level pay per view in a good while. The main event is the loser of a World Champion in Rey Mysterio defending against perennial challenger JBL, who has been racist against Mysterio while accurately pointing out how terrible of a champion he is. Other than that, it’s time for Great Khali to destroy the Undertaker again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how everything leads here and all of your decisions will determine your fate.

Tag Team Titles: MNM vs. Brian Kendrick/Paul London

MNM is defending and has Melina with them. London and Nitro start things off but the champs have to pause for posing. Nitro runs the ropes but gets tripped down, allowing Kendrick to come in and crank on the arms. A double clothesline gets two on Nitro but he takes Kendrick into the corner for the tag off to Mercury. That means a double hiptoss from Kendrick and London into a double elbow, followed by a big dive from Kendrick.

Back in and Mercury takes out London’s leg and a double gutbuster gets two. Melina adds a headscissors on the apron and Tazz is rather jealous. We hit the chinlock for a bit but the fans help bring London to his feet. The hot tag brings in Kendrick but he’s cut off in a quick Snapshot for two, sending Melina into freaking out mode. The chinlock goes on again, followed by a double legdrop from the champs. Kendrick gets sent outside for a cheap shot from Melina and it’s right back to the chinlock.

Back up and the champs are sent into each other for the breather and the hot tag brings London back in to clean house. The Dropsault takes the champs down for two but Melina screams at the referee for the save. Kendrick misses a slingshot dive to the floor but Mercury hits Nitro by mistake, knocking him into Melina. A rollup with a bridge gives London the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was a very good choice for an opener with a mostly fast paced match and someone as evil as Melina getting what was coming to her. London and Kendrick have been ready to win the titles for months now so it was the right call to finally give them the belts. MNM had lost so many times lately that it was long overdue for them to lose, which is kind of shame given how good the act really is.

Post match Melina slaps Mercury so he grabs her arm, causing Nitro to jump him. Melina slaps Mercury in the face and tries to leave with Nitro, but Mercury is back up to start the fight again. Referees and Teddy Long come in for the save but Long is shoved down in the melee.

Video on the King of the Ring.

Chris Benoit vs. Finlay

They had a good match a few weeks ago so this should work. Finlay takes him into the corner to start and we actually get a clean break. The lockup goes all the way to the floor and against the barricade before they finally break up. Back in and they go nose to nose until Benoit grabs the legs for a failed Sharpshooter attempt. The chinlock goes on Finlay instead before Benoit switches over to a headlock. Finlay accuses Benoit of an eye poke though and then jumps him when the referee stops to check on things.

It’s a chinlock on Benoit this time but he isn’t sitting in that for very long. Instead it’s Benoit getting up and unloading in the corner, setting up another chinlock. Benoit tries to switch into the Crossface before turning Finlay over for two. Finlay hits him in the face and then pulls on the arm while putting his foot on Benoit’s head for some pulling. The chinlock is countered and Benoit snaps off another German suplex, followed by the Swan Dive for two.

Finlay is right back with a knockdown of his own into a running seated senton and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in the back. A hammerlock/dragon sleeper combination (that’s a new one) keeps Benoit down and Finlay just pounds him in the back. Finlay says get up so he can show Benoit how tough he is. That means a clothesline to drop Benoit again but he’s right back up with a German suplex.

They head outside with Benoit hitting another German suplex on the floor, followed by Three Amigos back inside. The threat of another Swan Dive makes Finlay knock him off the top, with Benoit’s head hitting the barricade. Back in and Benoit’s shoulder goes into the post but he’s fine enough to snap on the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: B+. Oh like these two getting twenty minutes wasn’t going to be really good. They had an awesome match a few weeks back and now they did it again on the bigger stage. These two compliment each other really well and it felt like a fight with wrestling moves instead of a match, which worked very well. I could go for it again and it’s the kind of match where you could see it going either way.

We recap Jillian Hall vs. Melina, which started over makeup, as many feuds do.

Melina vs. Jillian Hall

Johnny Nitro gets ejected before the bell so Jillian attacks in a hurry. Jillian hammers on the mat and hits a Hennig necksnap. Melina tries to bail to the floor but gets sent into various things. Back in and Melina stomps her down and grabs a choke, followed by a bodyscissors. Some knees to the ribs in the corner have Jillian down again but she sends Melina face first into the buckle. A sunset flip gets the fast pin on Melina, though she had her hand on the rope.

Rating: D+. I’ve liked this feud since the beginning and all things considered, this was a near miracle. They aren’t exactly great in the ring and yes a lot of this is about eye candy, but they have been putting in the effort and intensity to make it a pretty fun little feud. I don’t need to see it again, but for what it was, it worked out rather well.

Melina yells a lot post match and Kristal to ask if Melina got what she deserved. The fight is on and broken up in a hurry.

JBL promises to beat Rey Mysterio to take the title tonight because it’s what he does when the lights are on bright. Chavo Guerrero comes in and says JBL needs to stop living in the past. Oh and VIVA LA RAZA.

We look at Steve Austin winning the King of the Ring.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Super Crazy

Crazy is challenging. They circle each other to start until Crazy grabs a backslide for two. Crazy hangs on instead of being sent outside and it’s a clothesline to put Helms on the floor. A big dive over the referee takes Helms down again and it’s all Crazy to start. A swinging neckbreaker gives Helms two and a regular version is good for the same. It’s off to something close two a Crossface but Crazy is back up, only to get elbowed back down. We hit the seated abdominal stretch, followed by a chinlock to keep Crazy down.

Helms’ sleeper is countered into a rollup for two and the comeback with on with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Crazy gets two off a middle rope dropkick but misses the moonsault. The Shining Wizard misses as well though and Crazy hits a spinwheel kick for two more. Helms gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down and a middle rope Blockbuster gets another near fall. Crazy tosses him into the corner but Helms grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes to retain.

Rating: C. This could have been on any given television show and that’s not a terrible thing. They weren’t likely to steal the show here as the Cruiserweight Title hasn’t meant anything in a long time. The wrestling was fine as Helms can wrestle with anyone, but was anyone buying Super Crazy as having a real chance at winning here?

Melina and Johnny Nitro come in and yell at Teddy Long about what has happened tonight so Melina slaps him in the face. Long fires both of them.

We look at Kurt Angle winning the King of the Ring.

Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle

Henry has injured Angle’s ribs in recent weeks and clears off the announcers’ table before Angle comes out. Mark grabs the mic and says he hurts people but here’s Angle to swing away. Angle can’t get in a whip to the corner so he settles for a middle rope flip dive to drop Henry. A front facelock goes on so Henry backdrops him over. The sitdown splash misses though and Angle hits a basement dropkick.

They head outside with Angle not being able to German suplex him through the announcers’ table. Back in and Angle takes the monster down by the leg and cranks away but Henry fights up with pure power. A kick to the chest drops Angle in a hurry and it’s time for a reverse chinlock to stay on the back. Angle fights up again and has to counter the World’s Strongest Slam into a tornado DDT for the double knockdown.

They slug it out and Angle snaps off the German suplex into the Angle Slam for two. Angle is all fired up so Henry cools him down with a clothesline. The World’s Strongest Slam (which connected during a split screen) gets two and it’s Henry’s turn to be frustrated. The yelling takes too long so Angle pulls him into the ankle lock, which is countered with a whip out to the floor. Henry teases the splash through the announcers’ table but does splash Angle against the post for the countout win.

Rating: C-. Henry was doing what he could here and can make the power stuff work rather well at times. On the other hand, Angle was doing a lot of the work here and that’s probably the best format for everyone involved. It was certainly miles ahead of their Royal Rumble match, though that isn’t exactly the biggest surprise.

Post match Henry loads up Angle for the World’s Strongest Slam but Angle fights up and destroys Henry with a chair. The Angle Slam over the table has Henry mostly done and a chair shot through the table ends him for good.

Sharmell says tonight Booker is going to show that he’s better than King Tut, Don King, Martin Luther King Jr. and King James. Maniacal laughter ensues.

We recap the King of the Ring tournament and the paths to the finals.

King of the Ring Tournament Finals: Booker T. vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley shoves him down and the bell rings, followed by Lashley taking it into the corner with pure power. The running clothesline gives Lashley two and it’s time to start on the arm. Back up and Lashley throws him down again, followed by a running clothesline out of the corner. Booker finally avoids a charge though and Lashley goes shoulder first into the post.

The banged up arm is wrapped around the rope, followed by the armbar to keep it in trouble. Booker loads up the ax kick but Lashley is right back up with a forearm to knock him silly. Sharmell’s distraction doesn’t work as Lashley suplexes him down, only to have Sharmell grab the leg to block the spear.

The Book End gives Booker two and Lashley’s powerslam gets the same. Lashley charges into a boot in the corner and the ax kick connects for another near fall. There’s the spear to cut Booker down but Sharmell offers a distraction, allowing Finlay to come in with the Shillelagh to the head for the pin and the crown.

Rating: B-. They were working fast here and they might have had one too many near falls. Finlay coming in was a little annoying but I’ll take that over Lashley getting pinned clean or even with feet on the ropes or something like that. Booker is a better choice for the King though as Lashley hasn’t exactly shown an in-depth personality.

Post match Booker goes to sit on the throne but Lashley knocks it over like a sore loser.

Video on Great Khali vs. Undertaker, with the latest new monster taking Undertaker out with no issue. Undertaker hasn’t been seen since but has issued the challenge.

Undertaker vs. Great Khali

Daivari is here with Khali. Undertaker strikes away to start and is quickly sent outside, leaving him looking rather confused. Back in and Undertaker fires off right hands, only to get tossed to the floor again. A Stunner over the top rope staggers Khali a bit but Old School is slammed off the top with ease. There’s a clothesline to drop Undertaker again and Khali kicks him to the floor.

Khali whips him knees first into the steps and it’s mostly one sided so far. Back in and a slugout gives Undertaker the slightest glimmer of hope but Old School only staggers Khali. The jumping clothesline gets Khali’s arms tied in the ropes but Daivari breaks him free in a hurry. A big boot into the chop to the head drops Undertaker and another big boot lets Khali put his foot on the chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. As you might have guessed, this made me think of Jillian vs. Melina earlier. They weren’t going to have some kind of a classic because Khali can barely move, but he did a good enough job with what he could do. Khali uses a limited offense because it’s all he needs to do. Why should he do anything besides big boots, chops and the like? Undertaker sold them like death and that is the kind of thing that makes Khali look as good as possible. This could have been much worse, but it did what it was supposed to do by making Khali look like a destroyer.

We recap JBL vs. Rey Mysterio. Rey won the World Title at Wrestlemania and has promptly been destroyed by almost everyone since then. JBL doesn’t like Rey because he’s from Mexico (at least in JBL’s mind) and because people cheer for Eddie Guerrero instead of Rey. Now it’s time for Rey to get the win back, but he has taken so much damage over the last few weeks that another JBL reign doesn’t sound too bad.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Only Rey is defending as I had completely forgotten JBL was US Champion. The EDDIE chants begin and Rey slugs away, with JBL looking a little surprised. Some strikes to the leg set up a quickly broken headlock so Rey slaps him in the face. The threat of the 619 sends JBL outside and it’s a seated senton off the apron to take him down again. Back in and a basement dropkick gives Rey two and he hammers away in the corner.

The referee gets distracted for a second and Rey gets in a low blow, only to have JBL come back with a big boot. They head outside with Rey being whipped into the steps and it’s already time to go back in. A right hand puts Rey on the floor again, with JBL sending him into the steps a second time. JBL hits Three Amigos before dropping him ribs first into the top rope as Rey is busted open.

That means another trip to the floor with JBL making Rey’s wife look at the blood. Some short arm clotheslines put Rey down again and JBL gets two, with the kicking making him panic. We hit the chinlock to squeeze some blood out of the head but JBL lets him go at two arm drops to cover instead. Rey breaks up the belly to back superplex and gets his own two off a moonsault press, followed by a kick to the head for the same.

JBL is back up with a powerbomb attempt but it’s a hurricanrana to set up the 619 instead. The referee gets pulled in the way of the West Coast Pop though, meaning the Clothesline From JBL gets a very delayed two. JBL grabs the chair but it gets kicked back into his face, setting up the frog splash to retain the title.

Rating: C+. This felt like it should have been for the Intercontinental Title in a featured match on Smackdown rather than headlining a pay per view. They have done a horrible job of devaluing the World Title in the last few weeks. Rey retaining here felt a bit like what would happen if MNM retaining in the opener. That’s not exactly the best way to present the main event of a pay per view, but the match itself was fairly good.

Chavo Guerrero comes out to celebrate and get us through the required tribute to Eddie to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show was actually pretty good for a two hour and forty five minute pay per view that isn’t going to mean anything in a few days, even with such a lame main event. Most of the matches were either good or fairly short, much like how Smackdown feels most of the time. They have to do something different with Rey though because this title reign is bringing everything else down.

 

 

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Judgment Day 2005
Date: May 22, 2005
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time for another Smackdown pay per view and that could go in a variety of ways. Granted it tends to be a variety of bad with these things but there are a few different levels. This time around there are two matches that look good with JBL vs. John Cena in an I Quit match and Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio, which should be enough to get it past bad. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Eddie vs. Rey with Eddie being presented as the sinner. Then there is Kurt Angle who has surrendered to his desires of passion. Finally, you have JBL and Cena, who are headed for guaranteed agony.

There isn’t even an intro from the announcers as we go straight to the first match.

Tag Team Titles: MNM vs. Charlie Haas/Hardcore Holly

MNM is defending and Melina has a mic on the way to the ring. Charlie throws Nitro around to start and even lifts him into the air by the arm. An armdrag gets two (yes an armdrag) and it’s off to Holly, which sends Nitro bailing into the corner. Mercury comes in and jumps over Holly but gets caught (mostly) with the dropkick.

The hanging kick to the ribs set up the corner chops to Mercury, plus one for Nitro for a bonus. The Alabama Slam is loaded up but the referee yells at Haas, allowing Nitro to make the save with a superkick. We actually get a LET’S GO HARDCORE chant as Mercury hits a neckbreaker for two. Nitro grabs the chinlock with a knee in the back, which is broken up in a hurry with Holly hitting the full nelson slam for the double knockdown.

Haas gets the hot tag and hits a dropkick of his own to start the house cleaning. The big dive over the top connects and a small package gets two on Mercury. Everything breaks down and Holly goes shoulder first into the post, allowing Nitro to get in a cheap shot from the apron. The Snapshot retains the titles.

Rating: C. I came into this expecting nothing and got a completely watchable match so we’ll call this a nice surprise. Haas and Holly aren’t great challengers but they did what they could here and got the fans into it. MNM is a very good team though and should have the titles for a long time.

We recap Big Show getting taken down by Carlito’s poison apple and Carlito debuting Matt Morgan as his new bodyguard.

Big Show vs. Carlito

Before the match, Carlito talks about Randy Moss (former Minnesota Viking) saying he left because Minnesota wasn’t cool. They don’t respect talent like Matt Morgan, who is cool because he’s big and strong. Tonight, Morgan is going to watch Carlito destroy Big Show. Carlito bails to the floor to start with Show eventually tossing him into the corner for the overhand chops.

Morgan’s distraction doesn’t help as Show tosses Carlito again and stalks away a bit. A slam keeps Carlito in trouble so Morgan low bridges Show to the floor to finally put him in trouble. Back in and Show beats Carlito up even more but the referee gets bumped, allowing Morgan to offer another distraction. This one works a bit better as Carlito gets in a low blow into Morgan’s F5 so Carlito can steal the pin.

Rating: D-. This wouldn’t have even been a good TV match as it was more a way to set up Morgan vs. Big Show in the battle of the giants down the line. I still don’t get much out of Carlito. Maybe it’s the goofy looking hair or the character in general, but he just does not appeal to me. He has his moments and can do well enough in the ring, but it never has clicked for me.

We recap Booker T. vs. Kurt Angle. Booker eliminated Angle from a #1 contenders match so Angle got obsessed. This caused him to go nuts about Booker’s wife Sharmell, who he described as a “gutter sl**.” Angle went into full on stalker mode on Sharmell and claimed that she liked it, sending Booker further over the edge. Angle has promised to dominate both of them tonight so Booker superkicked a TV.

Sharmell gives Booker a pep talk but gets a delivery: lingerie and handcuffs, but they’re not from Booker. Cole: “Is Kurt Angle absolutely insane?” Yes, yes he is.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Paul London

Chavo is challenging. They trade kicks to the legs to start until Chavo takes him down and hammer away. After Cole explains that Chavo won the title from Chavo, he talks about a tilt-a-whirl knee to the knee. We hit something like a seated abdominal stretch to stay on the ribs which were banged up a few weeks ago. London gets up with a hurricanrana but the 450 hits raised knees to put the champ right back in trouble.

A belly to back suplex gives Chavo two and a dropkick to the ribs gets two. The rather logical abdominal stretch goes on but London slips out and hits his own belly to back suplex. A leg lariat keeps Chavo in trouble and an enziguri gets two. London spinwheel kicks him down again and there’s the big flip dive to the floor for a bonus. Chavo is back up with his own dive but London crotches him back inside. A backdrop puts Chavo down again and the 450 retains the title.

Rating: C+. The story of the match made sense and they beat each other up well enough, but the interest just wasn’t there for the most part. I’m not sure what you can do to make Chavo vs. London interesting and that’s one of the biggest problems with the title. The wrestlers are treated as second class talent and while the match was fine, it comes and goes and it doesn’t draw much interest.

Booker is looking for Angle. After searching a few bathrooms, Booker tells the locker room to tell him if they see Angle.

Sharmell is in Booker’s locker room when Angle appears and shoves her on the couch. He puts his hand over her mouth and says he can get her anytime. After the match, she’s his. As usual, Booker comes off as REALLY STUPID for leaving her alone when Angle is nowhere to be found.

Kurt Angle vs. Booker T.

Booker goes right at him (well duh) with right hands and a choke on the ropes as this is likely to be more of a fight than anything else. Kurt reverses in the corner and drives some shoulders into the ribs. The chinlock goes on early but Booker fights up and gets in a neck snap across the top.

Booker shrugs off a nearly desperation ankle lock attempt and drapes Angle over the top for the ax kick. Since that’s not big enough for a match like this, Angle posts him to take over again. Back in and Angle gets two off a suplex and we hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors. That’s broken up as well and Booker hammers away, only to crotch himself on a side kick attempt. Angle pounds away in the corner before putting on the waistlock to keep Booker down.

Booker gets back up and hits a spinning kick to the face as Angle is cut on the forehead. The ax kick and Angle Slam are countered so it’s the Book End for two on Angle. The comeback is on though as Angle rolls the German suplexes and nails an overhead belly to belly. Another Angle Slam is countered into a small package…for a very fast pin in what might not have been how things were supposed to go.

Rating: B-. The match was the usual upper midcard/main event style stuff but the story is just so disturbing in a lot of ways that it loses most of its positive value. Booker needed to be a little angrier here, but at least he started out aggressive, which is more than a lot of people seem to understand in this kind of a story. Odds are we’ll see this again, but hopefully without the need for a shower inducing Angle promos.

Post match Sharmell runs out as Angle beats up Booker some more. Angle pulls out the handcuffs but Booker makes the save and cuffs Angle to the ropes. Sharmell slaps the heck out of him and kicks him low for the feel good moment.

Boxing legend Roberto Duran is here.

Tazz has keys to victory in the I Quit match. #3: Don’t quit.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich

Heidenreich is challenging after beating Jordan in a non-title match on Smackdown. Hold on though as Heidenreich needs to find a new friend. This time it’s a young girl named Alex who screams a lot. She sits in a special chair (which looks rather unspecial) and he reads a poem about looking for friends in Minneapolis and wanting to hear the Heidenreich chant. Jordan dropkicks him through the ropes to start and stomps away in the corner with more aggression than usual.

Heidenreich doesn’t like Jordan yelling at Alex though and hammers away, only to get sent outside for his efforts. A belly to back suplex gets a very delayed two and we hit the neck crank. Heidenreich fights up and does his walk to start the comeback, including the pummeling in the corner. Jordan kicks him in the face and grabs a swinging neckbreaker for two more. A drop toehold sends Heidenreich throat first into the middle rope and a DDT retains the title.

Rating: F. It’s the United States Title and they can’t come up with ANYTHING better than this? Heidenreich is the big goofy face and you have him lose clean in five minutes? Jordan is just such a vacuum of charisma and the title is dying more and more every day he has the title. I know it isn’t in great shape at the moment, but they can’t find anyone else to fight over the thing?

Post match Alex helps Heidenreich up.

JBL talks about how lives are broken in a fight and you are no longer a man if you quit. A few years ago Cena was in the stands cheering for whoever JBL was beating for a championship. Tonight Cena has no backup plan and he’ll quit to the wrestling god.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. They had been partners but Eddie started to get jealous over the fact that he couldn’t beat Rey. Then Chavo Guerrero got in Eddie’s head and told Eddie that Rey would never be family. The two of them got in a few arguments until Eddie fully turned on him as he went completely over the edge. Now Rey wants revenge as Eddie needs to prove that he can beat Mysterio. This has been incredible stuff from Guerrero, who keeps falling further and further into the jealousy and it is going to near perfection.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Rey has bad ribs coming in. Eddie tries to sneak up on Rey as he prays in the corner so Rey slugs away as it turns into an early fist fight. Some kicks to the ribs and shots to the head have Eddie in more trouble. They head outside and Eddie whips him into the steps and then the post for a bonus. We’ll add the announcers’ table too as Eddie stays on the bad ribs. Another drop onto the table has Rey in real trouble but the referee pulls Eddie off of him.

They head back in as the EDDIE SUCKS chants are in full swing. Eddie shouts down at Rey and there’s a belly to back suplex to bang up the ribs some more. The abdominal stretch goes on for a good while before Eddie plants him face/ribs first with a reverse powerbomb. The bandage comes off of Rey’s ribs and it’s a half crab to work them over even more. Rey slips out and scores with an enziguri and they’re both down for a breather. A springboard dropkick gives Rey two and they’re both a little staggered.

Eddie dropkicks the knee though and puts on a full Boston crab. Now it’s an STF with Rey crawling as hard as he can to the ropes. With that out of the way, it’s time to go to the floor with Eddie loading up the steps. Rey saves himself with a ram into the post though and they’re both down again. Back in and they slug it out with Eddie doing his dance until Rey hits….a big boot? From Rey Mysterio? The springboard seated senton gives Rey two so he hammers away in the corner with rights and lefts.

The missed charge goes shoulder first into the post though and Eddie hits a top rope superplex to destroy the ribs even worse. Rey slips out of the Third Amigo though and a hurricanrana (with a leg around the body instead of the head) looks to load up the 619. Cue Chavo for a distraction though and Eddie grabs a chair, which is dropkicked into his knee. Rey takes Chavo down and hits the 619 on Eddie, but the West Coast Pop is chaired out of the air for the DQ.

Rating: B+. This worked incredibly well with Eddie’s mind breaking down more and more every second until he forgot why he was here in the first place and got disqualified instead of going for the win. The ending keeps the story moving forward too as you can’t have Eddie win here and Rey pinning him has been done before. This advances things and gives Rey a reason to want revenge while knowing he can still beat Eddie. Well booked and well wrestled, but did you expect anything else?

Post match Eddie chairs him down and Rey has to be helped out.

We recap JBL vs. John Cena. JBL lost the title to Cena at Wrestlemania but has since been obsessed with the idea of getting the title back. He sees Cena as a poor champion because Cena is a street thug so it’s a match where someone has to give up, with an I Quit match. This is likely to be the violent showdown that Wrestlemania wasn’t, and that’s a good thing.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

Cena is defending and this is an I Quit match. JBL, with the older title design, comes out in the limo so Cena rides out on the back of a flatbed truck, which features a turntable on the back. They trade some long form armbars to start until an armbar sends JBL bailing to the floor. A suplex brings him back in but he pounds Cena in the back to block a backdrop. JBL DDT’s him for a cover, though not for a count because, you know, there aren’t any in this match.

Things head outside with Cena sending him face first into various things before going into the crowd. A swinging neckbreaker onto the concrete doesn’t have much effect on Cena so it’s back to ringside. JBL grabs the mic and demands that Cena quit so Cena slugs away, only to get sent into the steps. Just like on Smackdown, JBL grabs a belt and whips away, followed by a choke around the post.

With that broken up, JBL loads up a powerbomb through the announcers’ table but gets backdropped through the other instead. Cena throws him across the other table so JBL comes up with the Eddie Guerrero chair to the face. The bloody Cena staggers to his feet so JBL hits him with the steps and mocks You Can’t See Me. The Clothesline From JBL connects and so does the second for good measure.

Now it’s time to choke with a chain as Cena is in big trouble. There’s a low blow to cut Cena down again but JBL talks too much trash, allowing Cena to initiate the finishing sequence. The FU connects so JBL takes a walk, with Cena following and sending him into the limo. Another swinging neckbreaker drops Cena onto the hood, which is now covered in blood too.

JBL chokes him with a cable and Cena is COVERED in blood with one of the nastier cuts I’ve seen in a long time. He won’t quit though and sends JBL face first through a TV to bust him open too. A suplex onto the top of the limo makes it even worse…so JBL tries to get inside the limo. That’s fine with Cena, who pulls him back and sends him into the open door a few times.

When it doesn’t break, Cena takes it off and drops it on the hood, meaning it’s time to go to the flatbed truck. JBL is sent into a C02 tank but is fine enough to hit a DDT onto the bed for the double knockdown. Cena uses a microphone to knock JBL off of a speaker and through the table as JBL can barely walk. With nothing else working, Cena grabs an exhaust pipe off of the truck and goes over to JBL….who quits out of fear.

Rating: A-. I’ve always loved this one as Cena looked like the warrior and the conquering hero who JBL completely underestimated what he was capable of doing. Cena needed a win like this and he looked like a champion here, which isn’t something that he had done before. This was a big step forward for him and the definitive end to the feud with JBL. Great match, better performance from Cena, and a heck of a blade job.

Post match Cena knocks him through a glass wall anyway and poses, COVERED in blood, to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The shorter run time (just over two and a half hours) helps this one quite a bit as those last two matches, which eat up about 40% of the show are both great and more than enough to make up for a lot of the problems with the other stuff. The two big matches being that good aren’t exactly a surprise and Booker vs. Angle was good enough to carry the rest of the show. Just don’t watch Jordan vs. Heidenreich ever again. Check out the two main events if you have time as they both hold up very well. The rest….eh just watch Wrestlemania again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Judgment Day 2004
Date: May 16, 2004
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 18,722
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I guess we have to do this one too. It’s one of the worst built shows I’ve seen in a very long time and that’s not surprising given how horrible Smackdown has been in recent weeks. The main event of Eddie Guerrero defending the World Title against John Bradshaw Layfield is going nowhere and it seems that it’s what we’re going to be seeing for a long time going forward. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how we will all be judged one day, but maybe there is no afterlife and this is all we get to do. But what if there’s something there? Will we meet a callous jury or be welcomed warmly? Even this is a rambling mess.

Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Dudley Boyz

Cole: “Literally in Rey Mysterio’s backyard tonight!” For those unfamiliar, Los Angeles is about 120 miles from San Diego. Rey has a huge backyard. Bubba and Rob start things off with the fans behind Van Dam. A very early distraction lets D-Von get in a cheap shot from behind and he comes in legally just to keep things fair. It’s already back to Bubba for some choking on the ropes but HE HAS UNTIL FIVE.

Rob comes back with some kicks and clotheslines D-Von to the floor. There’s the big flip dive onto Bubba as Rey finally realizes he can do something and dives onto D-Von. We settle down to D-Von and Rob with the latter hitting a stepover spinning kick to the face but Bubba grabs a full nelson. Of course D-Von hits his partner by mistake, because that’s how full nelsons work in tag matches.

Rey still can’t come in and it’s time for the slow motion beating. A legsweep gets Rob out of trouble and it’s off to Rey for the top rope seated senton. The springboard spinning crossbody gets two as Cole says the Dudleys are “bumblebee like”. Another springboard is countered into something like a hot shot and it’s Rey’s turn to be in trouble. A big leg sets up the chinlock, followed by the spinning back elbow to take Rey back down.

The beating continues with D-Von pounding away in the corner but the sitout bulldog gets Rey out of trouble. The hot tag….doesn’t bring Van Dam in though as Bubba comes in a second earlier to distract the referee. One heck of a spinebuster lets Bubba put Rey in the Tree of Woe (Bubba: “He’s a pinata!”).

In a rather unique counter, Rey pulls himself up and hits a cutter, despite still being tied up. That was pretty cool. A moonsault press gets two and that’s enough for the hot tag to Van Dam. Rob’s springboard kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder for two on D-Von as everything breaks down. Rey hits a middle rope hurricanrana on D-Von to set up a double 619. The Five Star is enough to finish D-Von.

Rating: B-. It’s a bit longer than it needed to be but given that this is one of the only few good matches the card is likely to have, it makes sense to give it so much time. Mysterio and Van Dam have always worked well together, but someone needs to explain the idea of having the Dudleys lose twice if they’re supposed to be top level heels.

Josh Matthews barges into Booker T.’s locker room without even knocking so Booker yells about preparing for Undertaker. He has his own power in the bag and throws Josh out. That….was rather pointless.

Kurt Angle’s lackey Luther Reigns pushes out a big platform and Angle rises up through it to sit above the ring in a cool visual. Angle insults the crowd and the Los Angeles Lakers before moving on to Eddie Guerrero causing his broken leg. When JBL wins the title tonight, Angle is expecting them to riot and hopes a huge earthquake hits the city after he’s gone.

Before we get there though, he wants Torrie Wilson out here right now. Torrie comes out and gets in the ring where Angle yells at her for ruining his career. Therefore, she needs to protect her own career. If she loses tonight, she is FIRED. Oh dear. What ever will we do without her five minutes of screen time a month???

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

They fight into the corner to start with Torrie shoving her off. A Hennig necksnap keeps Dawn in trouble and a horrible sunset flip (you need to get both shoulders down) gets two. Torrie misses a high crossbody and the fans cheer for her….for about five seconds. Some slow motion stomping puts Torrie on the floor and a dropkick to the ribs keeps her out there.

Back in and we hit the chinlock, allowing Torrie to fight up and botch the swinging neckbreaker (you need to grab something, not put a hand on the face). A better sunset flip gets two more and Torrie rolls her up, with Dawn’s gear tearing to the first real reaction of the match. Torrie backslides her for the pin.

Rating: D-. I really, really hope they didn’t have to go home early because of the gear breaking because this was already getting terrible. Trying to get me to care about Torrie being fired isn’t a great course of action as she’s nothing but eye candy and losing her isn’t going to make the show any worse than it already is. Terrible match, because neither of them are wrestlers.

JBL is happy to be here because he’s tired of campaigning all over the country and seeing a bunch of Eddie Guerreros. Nowhere is worse than right here in Los Angeles but there are some good people. Like the ones who wash his car and polish his boots. In his America, everybody speaks English and there aren’t people with eight or nine kids on welfare.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Mordecai

This is Mordecai’s debut and he gets the big entrance with the white robe and cross (not a cross, but it’s a cross) staff. Scotty is terrified and his early headlock completely fails. Mordecai sends him into the post and crushes Scotty’s head against the steel. Scotty gets bent around the ropes (almost like a standing camel clutch) and a knee to the head makes it even worse. A superkick staggers Mordecai but he shrugs off the bulldog. Mordecai finishes him with a Razor’s Edge (appropriate) to complete the squash.

Rating: D. The entrance was cool and the finisher is good, but everything in the middle was pretty uninspiring stuff. Mordecai could work if he was better in the ring but there’s only so much you can do when you were boring in a three minute match. There’s potential there, though not enough to overcome the problems he has.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Chavo Classic (with his pants down) are getting ready when Jacqueline comes in with a present. It’s something to make him feel more comfortable on the way to the ring in case he loses to a girl again. And of course it’s women’s underwear as this horrible show continues to be horrible. Ok Chavo Classic looking at it while Jr. yells at her helps a bit.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Hardcore Holly/Billy Gunn

Holly and Gunn are challenging. Charlie stalls some more by not being able to walk onto Rico and Jackie’s platform. The challengers aren’t sure who should start so Rico spanks them both at once. That means a trip to the floor as the stalling continues. After a minute of waiting around, we settle down to Charlie vs. Bob. Holly takes him into the corner as the slow pace continues.

A rollup gives Haas two and Holly chills in the corner. An armbar goes on and it’s off to Rico, who rubs Charlie’s chest for the tag. Rico’s antics send Holly over for the tag off to Gunn, meaning it’s time for Rico to dance. Rico licks his hand and tries to rub it on Gunn, sending him sprawling into the corner in…I guess annoyance? A grab of the trunks gets Rico out of a headlock and Holly will have none of the tag attempt.

It’s time to actually get serious with a series of kicks in the corner and Gunn bails to the floor. Haas comes back in as Cole and Tazz crack each other up with sex jokes. Holly gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over and it’s time to talk about the Undertaker. The chinlock goes on as the discussion moves to Jackie being entertaining when she slaps the mat over and over. Holly’s dropkick gets two and Rico demands that they don’t hurt his Charlie.

The kick to the ribs gets two and Holly goes up for the top rope dive that is only designed to dive onto a raised boot. To be fair though, Holly at least leaned forward a bit so it could have almost kind of sort of looked like an elbow instead of landing flat on his feet. Charlie dives over to the hot tag to Rico and house is cleaned in a hurry. The Fameasser connects but Charlie tagged himself in and German suplexes Gunn down. Holly grabs the Alabama Slam but Rico superkicks him down, allowing Haas to get a sunset flip to retain.

Rating: D. Well, at least the finish was good. This was every Rico/Haas match (Of what, four that they’ve had?) and that’s not a positive. It was the same jokes over and over again with nothing interesting or entertaining, save for Jackie as usual. You couldn’t have the Bashams in this spot instead? At least they’re a regular team.

Paul Bearer and Undertaker aren’t worried about Booker T. having the voodoo bag of death. Undertaker even acknowledging that feels so beneath him.

We recap Chavo Guerrero vs. Jacqueline, with Chavo trying to get the title back after she upset him a few weeks back. This is one of the dumbest stories of the night, and that’s a bad sign on a show of so many dumb stories.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Chavo is challenging and has an arm tied behind his back. Jacqueline gets sent into the corner and kneed in the ribs as Chavo is already getting in more offense than he had in the first match. Some one armed backbreakers keep Jacqueline down but she comes back with a headscissors and Chavo walks himself shoulder first into the post. Jacqueline’s sleeper is broken up with a ram into the corner but she kicks him down for two.

Chavo Classic gets knocked off the apron and the distraction lets Jr. get in a clothesline. The low blow gives Jacqueline two and it’s time to head outside, where Classic unties the arm. Back in and another distraction lets Jr. block a right hand and hit a hard clothesline. Classic picks up a bunch of stuff for more distracting and it’s the Gory Bomb to give Jr. the title back.

Rating: F. I hated this for so many reasons that I can’t even cut the list down to something reasonable. If this is the best you can have for a title, just get rid of the thing. I know that’s what they probably want to do, but Jacqueline is not the best you can do. Jacqueline isn’t an interesting wrestler and why they decided to put her together in a “HAHA YOU LOST TO A GIRL” story is beyond me. It would have been almost as stupid, but if this is the general way you want to go, put the title on Rico and find some different Tag Team Champions. At least the promos would have been better. Horrible stuff and let’s move on.

Post match Chavo blames everyone else for laughing at him and says no one can laugh at him again. Classic gets in a cheap shot on Jacqueline before leaving. Now PLEASE never let this be talked about again.

We recap the US Title match. Rene Dupree is an obnoxious French guy who hates America and John Cena is standing up for the country. Rene isn’t ready for this spot but he’s trying, and I can take that over so much of the other slapped together show.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and his rap is a simple one about beating Dupree and sending him back to France. Some early right hands put Dupree on the floor and Cena comes back in with a Thesz press of all things. Back up and Dupree hits a rather fast boot to the face out of the corner to little effect.

Cena is right back with a backdrop and a hard clothesline puts Dupree outside again. Dupree is in a little better shape this time as he pulls Cena shoulder first into the post to take over for the first time. Back in and a low bridge sends a diving Cena (!) sailing right back to the floor. A backbreaker gives Dupree two and it’s off to a bearhug. Cena finally jawbreaks his way to freedom and starts the comeback but the Shuffle takes too long (gee I’m stunned) and Dupree scores with a spinebuster.

The French dance takes way too long as well but Cena can’t follow up. Dupree can’t hit the Michinoku Driver but Cena’s can’t hit the FU either. Instead Dupree grabs a neckbreaker for a delayed two and it’s time for the exchange of rollups. That goes nowhere so Dupree tries to jump over Cena in the corner, only to get caught in the FU to retain the title.

Rating: C+. That’s the second fine match of the night as they were putting in the effort and there was a perfectly acceptable story being told. It’s nothing that really needed to be on pay per view, but it’s better than nothing, which is more than you can say for almost anything else on the show so far. Imagine that: Cena being one of the few bright spots.

Post match Cena gives a fan his Lakers jersey in a nice touch.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Egads no.

We recap Booker T. vs. the Undertaker. Booker showed up in the Draft and started talking about how much better he was than everyone else, including the Undertaker. A bunch of lightning and thunder followed, so Booker went to a voodoo woman and has a hex bag that is supposed to even things out. Yeah it’s really stupid and I doubt it’s going to help the show.

Booker T. vs. Undertaker

The announcers keep calling this a rare appearance by the Undertaker. I’m really not sure why, but then again I’m not sure why Cole and Tazz say a lot of things they say. Booker takes him into the corner to start and we actually get a clean break. A shove down is enough for Booker at the moment as he heads outside and rubs something from the bag on his chest, which just gets his arm cranked on back inside.

Undertaker side slams him down and gets two off a legdrop before clotheslining Booker right back to the floor. As tends to happen to him a lot, Undertaker gets his throat snapped across the top, allowing Booker to come back in with a missile dropkick. Booker rubs some more stuff on his chest and gets caught with the jumping clothesline. Old School connects but Booker slips out of the Last Ride and bumps the referee.

The distraction lets Booker throw the dirt from the bag in Undertaker’s eyes….which just ticks him off. The running big boot misses in the corner though and Booker starts stomping on the knee. Booker wraps the leg around the post to keep Undertaker down and a dropkick gets two. The ax kick connects for the same so it’s time for Undertaker to pop up with the chokeslam and Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: D. Egads they really can’t get anything going with this show. Another bad match as the hex bag went nowhere as Undertaker didn’t even sell the dirt in his eyes. Other than that, this was a little working on Undertaker’s knee before he popped back up and won anyway. I have no idea why you would bring Booker to Smackdown just to put Undertaker over in his first big match, especially when the show is so starved for effectual heels. It didn’t make sense at the time and it still doesn’t now.

We recap JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero. JBL is a rich guy from New York and wants to get rid of someone deplorable like Eddie. In other words, it’s at least half racist and more than half awful as JBL is really bad at what he’s doing. Then JBL caused Eddie’s mom to have a heart attack, which he blamed Eddie for and which we had to see about five times in a week. Let’s get this over with.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie is defending. Before we’re ready to go, JBL talks about how he’s going to say this in English so half the people here will need translators. After he wins the title, Eddie’s mother can come to New York and be his maid. Eddie gets aggressive to start and knocks him outside for a whip into the steps. JBL gets tossed over the announcers’ table and it’s time to head back inside for some shouting and punching.

It’s too early for JBL to walk out so Eddie chases him down and hammers away some more. Back in and Eddie walks on his face but makes the mistake of going outside again, allowing JBL to whip him into the steps. JBL keeps up the awesome wrestling with a big boot and a headlock as things slow down to a snail’s pace. Another headlock takeover keeps things slow but some armdrags put JBL on the floor.

The dive is caught for a fall away slam though and the champ is down again. A backdrop puts Eddie onto the announcers’ table in a good looking crash. Back in and they slug it out until JBL grabs a bearhug, which is the worst thing this match can do. Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Eddie slips out and hits Three Amigos. The referee gets bumped though and Eddie backdrops JBL to the floor.

Another whip over the announcers’ table lets JBL grab a chair and cave Eddie’s head in, drawing one of the deepest, most disturbing cuts I’ve ever seen. You can see the blood literally flowing out of his head and streaming down his chest over and over. A steps show to the head makes it even worse and the Clothesline From JBL is good for no cover because referees are made of paper around here. The second referee comes in for two as there is blood EVERYWHERE.

The replacement referee takes a Clothesline of his own and a powerbomb gives JBL two with the first referee counting. JBL slaps on a sleeper but Eddie fights up and starts the dancing. The fall away slam is countered into a DDT and they’re both down. Eddie is up first but the blood loss means the frog splash takes way too long and they’re down again. JBL grabs the title and a chair but Eddie kicks him low and hits him with the belt for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The story worked, the blood REALLY worked, and Eddie was trying, but there’s only so much you can do with someone like Bradshaw as your opponent. The headlock didn’t do this any favors and the idea of having to watch this match again made my head hurt. You can only do so much to get beyond a horrible build and bad character work from the heel and Eddie wasn’t able to get over the mountain.

Post match Eddie stays on him and shoves some referees away. A chair to JBL’s head draws some blood as well and Eddie does it again for fun. Eddie drops a frog splash and JBL bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. The two good matches are nowhere near enough to save this show as they’re only so good. The problem here continues to be the lame villains, as there’s no way around people I don’t care about. JBL is a terrible top villain, the second villains are the Dudley Boyz who haven’t won a tag match in a long time, and then you have Booker T. who is running around like a comedy goof. Who in there is supposed to be intimidating?

Nothing on this show got me interested or excited in the slightest and that just shouldn’t happen on a pay per view. The wrestling can be passable at times but they have to work on the stories and characters. Those are the far more important parts of the show and neither of them is going anywhere at all. Just get something interesting in there because what we have at the moment is making me long for a twenty minute HHH promo to perk things up a bit.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Judgment Day 2003
Date: May 18, 2003
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Let’s get this over with. I don’t remember a time when the TV leading up to a pay per view has been this miserable and the mere idea of this show is making me cringe. Sometimes a show can throw in a surprise or two but I can’t think of a single match that actually gives me hope on this one. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a shot of gallows with kids reciting a rhyme about evil (it’s the same one from the Biker Taker vignettes). Basically everything leads us here and it ends tonight.

Here’s Steve Austin to open things up with an interview instead of a match. I’m so thrilled already. He’s not out here to run his mouth and waste your time because there’s a bunch of great matches tonight. Are we looking at the same card? Austin is going to watch in the crowd with the fans….in a sky box, with a bunch of beer. Lawler seems to think a sky box means sitting in the cheap seats as Austin gives Tazz a beer and heads into the crowd.

John Cena/FBI vs. Spanky/Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Cena says that being he’s with the FBI giving out black eyes, he’ll have the people cheering the bad guys. It’s Palumbo/Stamboli with Cena here as this is a bonus match. Spanky dives onto everyone but gets decked by Cena as we start fast. Cole says he knows all about rapping because he’s a shoelace. The FBI plants Spanky with a double slam and cranks on his legs for good measure.

Palumbo slaps on a bearhug as Tazz and Cole discuss beer. A hard clothesline cuts Spanky off but he headscissors Palumbo into Stamboli. That’s enough for the hot tag to Benoit, meaning it’s time for the German suplexes. Nunzio comes in and eats a Gore but he’s still able to break up Sliced Bread #2. The distraction is enough for Stamboli and Palumbo to hit the Kiss of Death (Demolition Decapitator with a legdrop instead of an elbow) for the pin.

Rating: D. The match was energetic while it lasted but that’s the problem: it wasn’t even four minutes long. Why in the world did we need a pay per view opener that lasts as long as a TV match? The people involved in this match deserve a little more than this, though at least they were on the pay per view card.

Austin is in the sky box having a woman make him a hot dog when Eric Bischoff comes in. Everything they have is split between them so Austin gives him the hot dog. Bischoff is annoyed that there’s no scotch so he’ll have a beer. In a glass that is, which Austin doesn’t appreciate.

We recap La Resistance vs. Test/Scott Steiner, which is all about the Iraq War and how horrible you are if you don’t completely support it.

Test/Scott Steiner vs. La Resistance

Test and Rene Dupree slug it out to start until a backdrop puts Rene down. It’s off to Steiner for some more aggressive offense, including a push-up elbow. Dupree sends him outside though and Sylvan Grenier drives him back first into the apron. The announcers debate France vs. America as Grenier’s chinlock doesn’t get him very far. A middle rope clothesline gives Grenier two but Steiner suplexes his way to AMERICAN freedom.

The hot tag brings in Test to clean house to silence. Test steals the beret and gets rolled up for two as everything breaks down. The pumphandle slam plants Rene but Stacy Keibler gets on the apron for no logical reason. Dupree dropkicks Test into Stacy, who lands in Steiner’s arms. After putting Stacy down, Steiner tags himself in for the reverse DDT on Dupree for no cover. Test boots Steiner by mistake and gets sent outside, leaving Steiner to take the double spinebuster for the pin.

Rating: D. Another TV match here but in this case keeping it short was the right idea. This feud isn’t interesting and Test vs. Steiner isn’t likely to be much better. Fighting over Stacy is fine, but it would be better if they could have anything resembling a good match. The tag division needs La Resistance though, even if they’re not all that interesting of a team.

Stacy stays behind to check on Steiner.

Mr. America arrives and runs into Gregory Helms, who has been told that he’s Hulk Hogan. America’s sources have told him that Helms is really the Hurricane. They agree that their sources are idiots. Clever idea but it’s hard to buy Hogan’s push meaning much when he’s having a match with Roddy Piper.

Eddie Guerrero has found a replacement partner for the injured Chavo. It’s Tajiri, who gets a gold medal and knows that they lie, cheat and steal.

Tag Team Titles: Team Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

Eddie and Tajiri are challenging in a ladder match. The brawl starts in the aisle as the champs aren’t happy with Eddie destroying their framed picture of Angle earlier in the week. Eddie gets sent into the ladder, leaving Tajiri to get double teamed inside. A gorilla press drop onto Haas’ knee has Eddie in more trouble and it’s time for another ladder. Tajiri seems to mess up a dive over the top so Eddie dives over the top onto Shelton to get the focus back.

The champs go for the belts but Tajiri breaks it up with the handspring elbow. Haas gets crotched by the ladder in the corner and it’s time for a second ladder. Shelton pulls Tajiri off the ladder, sending him face first into one of the rungs for a scary looking crash. Thankfully he’s ok, though Eddie isn’t quite as good thanks to a powerslam into the ladder in the corner. In a creative spot, Haas puts Tajiri across a ladder and bridges it over the top, leaving Shelton to jump off the ladder, over Haas, and onto Tajiri’s back.

Eddie has to make a save with Haas falling out to the floor in a heap but then wedges the ladder in the corner instead of going up. Naturally he gets sent into the ladder for his efforts, satisfying wrestling rule #3. Tajiri is back up with the hard kicks to the face and he runs them over with the ladder for good measure. The Tarantula has Haas in trouble but it’s Shelton making the save with a shot from the ladder.

Back in and the champs beat on Eddie but Shelton gets monkey flipped into the ladder into Haas to put everyone down again. Eddie sends Benjamin outside but the champs are back up for the save. Benjamin is knocked right back down, only to have Eddie frog splash him instead of going for the belts for no apparent reason. Charlie and Eddie go up and this time it’s a sunset bomb to bring Haas right back down. Tajiri is finally back up to mist Shelton, allowing Eddie to pull down the titles for the win.

Rating: B-. Good though not a great match here. This would have been a much better match with Chavo involved (As in it would have made more sense. Tajiri’s work was fine.) but as it is, it feels kind of thrown together. That’s not on the wrestlers of course, but at least they made it work as well as they could.

Bischoff and Austin think they should sign Eddie but Austin makes Bischoff eat a hamburger and have another beer. Hang on though as Austin has to make fun of the way Eric drinks, including opening the box to get the crowd even more on his side. This eats up way too much time.

Chris Jericho thinks he’ll win the Intercontinental Title when Roddy Piper comes in to make fun of him. They insult each other’s talk shows and Chris brings up Piper ripping the kid’s leg off on Thursday. That was an accident though, just like Jericho being born. They both promise to win their matches tonight and that’s about it.

We get a very nice video on the history of the Intercontinental Title before the battle royal to bring it back. They cover a good chunk of the title’s history and show off some great moments. As usual, WWE knows how to do its history well.

Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal

Booker T., Christian, Lance Storm, Chris Jericho, Goldust, Kane, Val Venis, Test, Rob Van Dam

The title is vacant coming in and only Booker isn’t a former champion. Naturally, Pat Patterson gets to come out and hold up the title. And yes it’s Venis, as the Chief Morely gimmick is officially gone. After some VERY long entrances, we’re ready to go. Everyone goes after Kane to start (well duh) but he shrugs them off without much effort and gets rid of Storm. With Van Dam down, the others are able to get rid of Kane but he comes back in to beat everyone up.

Booker is up first and dumps Test, followed by Goldust doing the same to Venis. Jericho tosses Van Dam and we’re down to Christian, Goldust, Booker and Jericho in about two minutes. Then why not just do a four way for the title? It turns into a glorified tag match with the good guys fighting back so Goldust can hit Shattered Dreams on both guys. Booker does a Spinarooni to celebrate but Goldust tries an elimination. That’s fine with Booker, who dumps him out without too much trouble.

That leaves Booker and the Canadians and the double teaming is on in a hurry. Booker fights off an elimination attempt though and throws Jericho over, only to have him skin the cat in an always impressive move. Back in and the now bloody (not bad) Jericho forearms Booker down but Christian shoves him over the top during a Lionsault attempt.

Booker kicks Christian down and scores with a flapjack but the referee gets bumped. If you can’t book a nine man battle royal without a ref bump, you might just kind of suck at your job. As you might expect, Booker dumps Christian but no one sees it, leaving Christian to deck Patterson. Booker gets belted as well and Christian tosses him to win the title. As you might expect, Austin does nothing to fix this and the fans’ chants for GOLDBERG go unrequited.

Rating: D. That ending actually made my head hurt. How in the world do you overbook a battle royal that doesn’t even last twelve minutes? Christian winning is fine, but there are other ways you can make it work. Have he and Jericho as the final two and then have Christian dump Jericho out. That’s not even cheating but makes him look like a villain at the same time. Why is that so complicated?

Sable and Torrie get catty before the bikini contest. I think this is supposed to be Sable hitting on her again. If Sable wants one of the Divas this badly, go after Dawn Marie who seems to be more into it.

We recap Sable vs. Torrie, which is as obvious of an idea as you can get.

Tazz is hosting, which is only slightly better than Lawler. Lillian Garcia sings Torrie to the ring as they’re putting a little too much thought and effort into this. She sings the chorus three times as this is going on WAY too long already. Anyway, both get fifteen seconds to disrobe and gyrate.

They both do their thing and the fans say it’s a tie, even though Sable’s reaction was clearly louder. The fact that her swimsuit was smaller has no bearing on this at all I assure you. Actually hang on though as Sable takes off the swimsuit she’s wearing to reveal a smaller one, which is enough for Tazz to give her the win. Torrie gives Sable a rather passionless kiss to end things.

Austin torments Bischoff with more food and beer.

Piper rants to Sean O’Haire about Jericho when Vince McMahon comes in. Roddy better be ready because it’s a big night for the boss. Without Piper there would be no Hogan and now Piper is the epitome of ruthless aggression.

We look at Piper attacking the fan who Mr. America had waving the flag, resulting in the fan’s artificial leg being ripped off. Piper seemed upset but Vince didn’t buy it, which was all the proof he needed to send Piper after America’s mask. As usual, there is so much wrong/stupid about that idea, I don’t even know where to start so we’ll move on.

Roddy Piper vs. Mr. America

America brings out a chair, presumably to counteract Sean. Actually it’s for Zack Gowen, the fan whose leg was ripped off. So to clarify: this story is now about Vince, Stephanie, Piper, Mr. America and Gowen. After those five people is Sean O’Haire, whose lone match in this whole thing was a less than five minute match with Rikishi, where Piper had to help him win. And people wonder why this period is so loathed. America gets double teamed to start until Sean is sent outside.

Some right hands get America out of trouble and as the referee yells at O’Haire, the mask comes up to bite Piper. So I’m assuming Vince isn’t watching the match and can’t see 90% of Hogan’s face there? O’Haire pulls America to the floor for some right hands, allowing Piper to whip him with the weightlifting belt. We hit a terrible sleeper until it’s time to America up. The big boot connects but here’s Vince so Piper can get in a low blow. O’Haire brings in a pipe but hits Piper instead, setting up the legdrop to give America the pin as Gowen holds Vince back.

Rating: F. Of course it was terrible but at least they kept it fairly short. As anyone could have guessed at the beginning of this thing though, it’s not doing anyone other than Hogan and Vince any good. Unfortunately that includes O’Haire, who has gone from what should be a can’t miss prospect to a bumbling lackey who can’t do anything right.

Stephanie McMahon tells HHH to be careful.

We recap HHH vs. Kevin Nash, which is over Nash coming back and not liking HHH and Shawn Michaels fighting. HHH then attacked Nash for not picking the right side and we have a World Title match as a result, despite Nash making Roman Reigns like Hogan in the 80s.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash

HHH is defending and Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels are the seconds. I’m not sure who was thinking it’s a good idea to have Flair come out in his own entrance in Charlotte if they want Nash to be cheered but this show has bigger problems to deal with. The brawl is on in the aisle before the bell with Shawn and Flair fighting to the back. I doubt we’ll be seeing them again.

Nash and HHH slug it out on the floor with the bell ringing shortly thereafter. A backdrop has the champ in early trouble as JR is already saying this isn’t going to be the highest quality match. Nash hits a big forearm and flips the hair so you know it’s serious. HHH finally gets in a neckbreaker to get us up to about five moves in the first three minutes. Nash is back with more right hands and a shove to the referee, who pulls him off by the hair. He’ll never referee in this town again.

HHH gives us the required ref bump and a low blow before taking the turnbuckle pad off. Nash comes back with the usual but gets sent into the exposed buckle. The Pedigree gets two with the kickout earning a slightly disturbing positive reaction. A backdrop puts HHH on the floor and he comes back in with the sledgehammer to knock the referee down for the DQ.

Rating: F+. Only because it was slightly more watchable than Hogan vs. Piper. The match didn’t even last as long as their brawl a few weeks back and now the feud gets to keep going because they’re friends. Nash showed that he was washed up in 1999 and has only gotten worse in the years since. It was as bad as you would expect and a World Title match going less than eight minutes on pay per view is pretty unacceptable.

Nash beats up HHH because THIS MUST CONTINUE. He grabs the hammer and stalks HHH up the aisle, setting up a Jackknife through the announcers’ table.

Austin makes Bischoff eat jalapenos and vomiting ensues.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Victoria vs. Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

Jazz is defending and this is one fall to a finish. It’s a brawl to start until the villains are sent outside, leaving Trish to counter an early wristlock. Victoria and Jazz come back in with with the champ hitting some double chickenwing facebusters. Trish gets caught in the STF and Jacqueline puts Victoria in the half crab at the same time.

It’s Trish getting to the rope first so Jazz can kick Jacqueline for the save. After a Matrish to avoid a clothesline (Lawler: “Trish just got reloaded!”), the Chick Kick gets two on Jazz. The Stratusfaction is broken up with Trish being thrown over the top and landing face first on the floor in a scary crash. Back in and Jacqueline suplexes Victoria, only to get DDT’d to retain Jazz’s title.

Rating: D. That Trish landing looked great (and rather scary) but the time and a lack of a story killed whatever they could do here. What are you supposed to get out of a sub five minute match that you could probably see on Raw? The division is still dying for some fresh blood as these four can only fight so long. We passed that point months ago but it’s still the same lineup every month.

Trish has a cut lip and stares at Jazz, again meaning this must continue.

We recap the main event. Big Show attacked Rey Mysterio at Backlash so tonight it’s Brock Lesnar standing up to the monster in a stretcher match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

Lesnar is defending and you have to put your opponent on the stretcher and get it over the finish line. During the entrances, Cole mentions that this is the first stretcher match in the company in 17 years since Andre the Giant vs. Killer Khan in 1986. You really would think he would get it right after all these weeks but alas, Cole isn’t that bright (it was 1981). Also, Show brings a stretcher backboard with him with Mysterio, Benoit and Lesnar written on the back. Only Mysterio’s name is crossed off, making Show look even lamer than usual.

Lesnar wastes no time in taking over and hitting Show with the board to knock him outside. A few more shots have Show in trouble and Brock sends him into the board, which is in front of the post. Show is back up and drops him across the stretcher before hitting Brock in the back with the backboard. A chokeslam plants Lesnar in the ring as I wonder why there’s a referee inside with them.

Show drops a leg onto Lesnar onto the board and it’s stretcher time. The champ kicks his way off though and a few backboard shots has Show in trouble. Some choking with a camera cord and Lesnar puts Show on the stretcher as the announcers say it can’t be done. Seriously it’s not that big of a deal. Show fights out again so Lesnar rams the stretcher into his ribs.

A tug of war goes to Show….and he throws the stretcher down and puts its pad on another stretcher. More backboard (albeit from a different backboard) have Lesnar in trouble as this just keeps going. Back up and Brock knocks him off the apron and onto/back off of the stretcher. As Cole incorrectly says the first WWE Champion was crowned forty years ago yesterday (it was forty years ago yesterday that Bruno won the title to become the second champion), Rey Mysterio comes out to distracts Show.

The distraction lets Brock drive a freaking forklift into the arena and dive off the thing with a crossbody/clothesline. A suplex into the F5 (more of an AA) allow Lesnar to throw him onto the forklift (Why can’t he just put him onto the stretcher then?) and wheel him across the finish line to retain.

Rating: D+. This could have been a lot worse and it needed about five minutes cut out but it was a watchable enough main event. The problem here was the stretcher rule was completely tacked on and Show only having one of the three names crossed off made me shake my head. They should have done a last man standing match here or something like that, though it’s not terrible or anything.

Overall Rating: D-. Yeah this really didn’t work in the slightest. The ladder match was good and the main event was watchable but everything else was anywhere from terrible to a disaster. Aside from the America vs. Piper match and the awful World Title match, everything on here felt either unimportant or worth your time. Nothing on here felt like it needed to be on a pay per view and that scares the heck out of me considering the single branded shows start in June. Really bad here and that’s not surprising when you consider the TV leading up to it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Judgment Day 2002
Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 14,521
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The company is ice cold coming into this show and I can’t imagine this is going to make things any warmer. Raw has turned into a mess with the old guys doing whatever they want while Smackdown is about Vince somehow failing to sleep with Stacy Keibler because he can’t just get a room somewhere. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is rather disturbing with a bunch of nooses and small children talking about death. What a great way to get me in a fun spirit for the show.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is challenging in a rematch from last month’s title change. They start fast as you would expect with Eddie being sent outside in early frustration. Back in and Eddie tries to duck a crossbody but gets head faked, allowing Van Dam to drop a split legged moonsault for two. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker keeps Eddie in trouble and we hit a surfboard. Lawler: “That looks more like my dating strategy.”

The announcers try their hands at Spanish as Eddie takes over with right hands in the corner. A monkey flip sends Eddie flying and stays on his back so Rolling Thunder can get two. It’s too early for a Five Star though as Eddie crotches him on the top. A powerbomb can’t set up Eddie’s frog splash though as Eddie spends a bit too long dancing on top.

Van Dam still can’t hit the Five Star though as Eddie moves away, leaving the announcers to wonder how to say RVD in Spanish. He can however hit a high crossbody for two (Lawler: “Mama Mia. Is that Spanish?”), followed by a backslide for the same. Ever the cheat though, Eddie grabs a backslide of his own and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. Now why can’t these two get this kind of time on Raw? I know you can’t give a single match twenty minutes a week but would it kill them to have ten minutes on an episode of Raw and cut out one of the multiple matches that don’t even get three minutes because they don’t matter? Anyway, good stuff here, as you would expect from these two.

Reverend D-Von and Batista are with Vince and Stacy, the latter of whom they pray for before her match against Trish. Vince, who looks at Stacy while they’re praying and tells D-Von to wrap it up, asks if Bubba is going to be here. D-Von doesn’t think so, despite Vince saying Bubba would be here and Bubba being shown on the graphic.

GET THE F OUT! Did they only record that one gardening bit for the campaign?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler

Trish is defending and Lawler freaks out over her shorts. D-Von, Batista and Bubba come out after the entrances, leaving me time to wonder how we went from Trish vs. Molly to Trish vs. Stacy. Maybe because Stacy is more willing to wear leather shorts and a tied off leather top? Stacy kicks Trish in the head for two to start but gets pulled down into a Boston crab and they’re not even hiding what they’re going for with the visuals.

Trish gets in a kick of her own to knock Stacy outside, allowing her to slap Bubba in the face. Batista uses the distraction to slam Trish and give Stacy a two count. That’s finally enough for Trish as she baseball slides Stacy and hits a bulldog (more like the kind Jericho uses to set up the Lionsault) to retain. Stacy clearly had no business out there but to be fair they didn’t try to act like she did and got them out of there fast.

Bubba and D-Von get in a fight post match with Batista helping put Bubba through a table.

Vince comes in to see Ric Flair and Arn Anderson and the bosses share their hatred of Austin. Remember like two months ago when the company was split in half because of their feud?

Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman

Thankfully Heyman is in full body workout gear. The brothers are smart enough to take out the monster for all of ten seconds but don’t have Matt beat the tar out of Heyman or just roll him up while Jeff slows Lesnar down for reasons that aren’t clear. Brock saves his buddy and starts beating on Matt as the fans chant for Goldberg. Please, don’t make me think about that match.

The backbreaker has Matt reeling but he grabs a quick tornado DDT to scare Heyman half to death. Jeff gets the tag and everything breaks down with the brothers going after Heyman. Brock gets tired of these flies and throws Jeff into Matt, setting up the F5. Heyman comes in and grabs the pin like a chicken heel should.

Rating: D-. What were you expecting here? Lesnar really needs to move on to something else, though to be fair he squashed a great tag team more than once and they made him look like a monster. He needs to move way up the ladder in a hurry though because this sort of act is only going to work for so long.

Booker T. is now in an NWO shirt but cancels an interview to hit on a woman who just happens to be standing off camera. The woman has something in mind and gives Booker her hotel room key. I smell shenanigans.

We recap Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show, which is just the latest Austin vs. McMahon clone. Flair and Austin have been fine on the talking but there’s just no heat to this feud because everyone knows it’s warmed over leftovers. They even show Austin vs. Vince clips in the build. Show is here because he’s mad about not being on Wrestlemania, which is of course Austin’s fault in wrestling logic.

Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show

Based on the entrances, I’m pretty sure Flair isn’t in the NWO. I’m also fairly sure that Show’s low cut one piece women’s swimsuit attire is some of the dumbest gear of all time. Just have him in shorts and a Big Show shirt. Austin slugs away at both guys to start but decides to try a Figure Four on Show. Instead he has to knock Ric out of the air first and put him in the hold.

Show misses an elbow drop and Austin wisely grabs a chair. The referee takes that away so Austin gets another one and has a seat. We finally get started with Austin punching Flair out to the floor, meaning it’s time for beer. A tackle dropdown goes well for Austin and an exchange of chops give us a Flair Flop. Show comes in and because 2002 is a strange year, Austin isn’t sure what to do. His decision: push-ups. Not a fan of exercise, Show chops him down and throws Austin into the corner, allowing a tag to Flair for a low blow.

Flair goes up and is slammed right back down (JR: “From no man’s land to Parts Unknown!”) but Show comes back in with a powerslam. The team starts taking turns on the knee as this isn’t exactly thrilling. It’s not a bad match or anything but it’s just there. The idea of Flair taking someone’s knee apart has worked for years but I don’t buy the story behind the match and a match being just ok isn’t enough to make up for that kind of a downside.

Flair gets the Figure Four until Austin turns it over, only to have Show break that up as well. Austin’s back is fine enough for punches vs. chops, giving us WHAT vs. WOO in one of the more eye roll inducing chants. Austin starts in with the spinebusters as X-Pac comes out. Show no sells a Stunner for some reason but X-Pac’s missed superkick puts him down. Huh? The Stunner puts Flair away a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. The match was totally fine but it’s really hard to buy Austin in this midcard role. I know it’s one of the top stories on Raw but this is midcard level stuff at best. Austin vs. Flair isn’t interesting and Austin beating up the NWO week to week is even worse. Big Show and Booker T. are the big names in the division and there’s no reason either of them would be a real threat to Austin in the ring. What’s interesting about seeing Austin fighting midcarders like X-Pac? The feud was dead from the start and it feels like they’re wasting what Austin has left.

We recap Edge vs. Kurt Angle, which is over Edge messing with Angle’s new shirt. For some reason this set up a hair vs. hair match.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

They start fast with Edge getting an early rollup and getting stomped in the ribs for his efforts. That’s fine with Edge who ties Angle up in the ropes for a spear, only to have Angle suplex him way over the top. Back in and a spinebuster gets two for Angle (not something you see him use that often) as the announcers discuss the shapes of the wrestlers’ heads.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Angle pulls him down by the hair. That’s a nice little touch, albeit not the most subtle. Edge comes back with a belly to belly of his own (JR: “He ain’t wearing a hat!”) and an Edge-O-Matic gets the same. Angle is sent outside for a dive from Edge so it’s time for more suplexes. JR: “That suplex was finer than frog hair split four ways.”

An Edgecution gets no cover for no logical reason as Edge goes up top, allowing Angle to hit a great looking pop up superplex. Edge DDTs him out of the corner for two of his own but spears the referee by mistake. That means the spear only gets two on Kurt, who spears Edge right back. The Angle Slam looks to set up the ankle lock but Edge small packages him for the pin.

Rating: B. These two work really well together and it’s a great way to make Edge look like a star as he pinned a former World Champion clean to win the feud. The company really needs some fresh stars in the main event scene and Edge makes as much sense as anyone else. As usual, Angle can make people look great and that’s so valuable in wrestling.

Angle goes after Edge but gets an Edgecution. It takes too long to get him to the chair though and Kurt escapes.

We go to the Marriott where Booker is in bed. The woman joins him and the lights go out….so Goldust can say he wants Booker to leave the NWO and come back to him. The lights come back on and Goldust is in bed with them. Booker runs off with his underwear hanging down. Goldust: “I bought this nightgown for nothing!” They mentioned that Goldust planned the whole thing but I could go for him just randomly appearing in the room with them. It suits him that way.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap HHH vs. Chris Jericho. These two have feuded since Wrestlemania with HHH winning almost all of the matches. HHH then went after Vince, who set this match up as punishment.

HHH vs. Chris Jericho

Even with a lower level match like this, it’s cool to see the Cell in any form. HHH starts in with the knee and some right hands in the corner. They head outside so neither can be sent into the cage, followed by Jericho’s flying forearm to take over. Jericho misses a charge into the post though and HHH takes him outside for a whip into the cage wall. Neither can keep an advantage again though as Jericho whips HHH over the corner for another crash to the floor. HHH comes right back with a whip to send Jericho’s bloody arm into the steps. At least they’re bringing the violence early on.

The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the cage wall. Since the Cell isn’t enough, Jericho brings in a ladder to smash HHH in the face, drawing more blood. Jericho throws the ladder over the top at HHH in a spot that always looks good. I’m actually surprised by how much they’re giving Jericho here. I know it’s HHH in a big match against an opponent he owns but they’re doing a really good job of making Jericho look strong here.

HHH’s chair shot doesn’t get him out of trouble but the drop toehold to send Jericho into the steps works a bit better. To make it a bit worse, HHH just throws the steps at Jericho for a painful sounding thud. Now we get to the bad part of the match as HHH whips Jericho into referee Tim White, knocking White off the apron and into the Cell. The bump badly hurt White’s shoulder and basically ended his in ring career.

Jericho beats White up even more (if he wasn’t hurt before, he is now) and busts him open for a rare visual. Since White has the key, the other referees have to cut the door open to check on White. That’s enough for HHH and it’s time for a sledgehammer off Jericho’s head. No referee of course though so Jericho crawls out of the Cell, continuing the running joke of THE CELL DOESN’T WORK.

They head to the announcers’ table (of course) where Jericho loads up a Pedigree (of course) but HHH counters (of course) into a DDT through the table. HHH pulls out the barbed wire 2×4 and Jericho goes up the Cell wall with HHH following. For reasons of pure stupidity, HHH THROWS THE BARBED WIRE UP BOARD UP FIRST, allowing Jericho to take it away and hit HHH in the back.

With HHH’s back busted open, we hit the Walls of Jericho on the roof, meaning a referee has to climb up. You know, because now falls count on top of the Cell. HHH kicks away and hits Jericho low, followed by a barbed wire shot. A Pedigree onto the roof (that was scary) finally ends Jericho.

Rating: B. That’s probably the best HHH vs. Jericho match ever and it’s really not great. They did a much better job of making me believe Jericho could pull it off, which is something these two have never been able to do. I mean, would you believe that this Jericho could beat HHH in a major match? That being said, this still felt like it was missing a big chuck in the middle. They did the Jericho beatdown but then they were on the outside for the final act. It’s still good though and an acceptable blowoff, though it would have been fine as a regular cage match.

Angle runs from Edge in a goofy looking chase.

Get The F Out, set to Mark Henry’s Sexual Chocolate theme and taking place in the back of a steamy car. At least that answers my question.

Maven and Torrie go on a date at WWF New York.

Tag Team Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Rikishi/???

Welcome to the death slot. Billy and Chuck are defending and Rikishi’s mystery partner is……Rico. This is officially Vince’s decision so he indeed likes the wacky partners. Billy’s DDT has no effect on Rikishi to start but Rikishi’s charges misses both champs. Rico won’t tag in though and the champs take over in the corner.

Chuck gets a rather impressive overhead belly to belly for two as the fans aren’t exactly caring, meaning the death slot is living up to its name. The big man fights back again with some Samoan drops before sitting on Chuck’s chest for two. A HORRIBLE looking one man 3D (which JR calls a headbutt in mid air, which is probably closer than what Rikishi was going for) gets two on Billy but Rico kicks Chuck by mistake. Rikishi kicks Chuck as well and gets the pin for the titles. No reaction or anything, but he got the titles.

Rating: F. The story is tired, the result is predictable and the match sucked. I’m really not sure what else you were expecting here as Rikishi is somehow the old veteran on Smackdown. Hopefully this isn’t a long reign and we can get ANYONE else as better champions sometime soon.

Angle attacks Edge (instead of LEAVING) and brings him back to the arena. Edge reverses into a sleeper and Angle gets the big haircut. Edge wants the new chant to be YOU’RE BALD and it sounds as bad as it seems.

We recap Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker, which is a game of how bad can we really make this. Undertaker won a match last month to become #1 contender and they’ve messed with each others’ motorcycles since. The question tonight is how embarrassing can Hogan actually be with Undertaker having to carry the match.

Undisputed Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is challenging and has Hogan’s weightlifting belt. As always, Hogan takes too long coming in and gets whipped over the back. Hogan no sells (duh) and hammers away before doing a little whipping of his own. We get the opening bell and it’s time for Hogan do do his stuff while Undertaker does most of the selling, which is both the right call and a major stretch on Undertaker’s part.

Undertaker is whipped into the steps and things are made even worse when Old School is broken up. I’ll give them this: they’re three minutes in and Hogan hasn’t horribly botched anything yet, meaning we’re going well so far. Hulk actually hits a superplex (biggest spot he’s done in YEARS) for two before settling back in for some right hands.

A chop block gives Undertaker a target though and it’s time to slowly work over the knee. That of course means a few kicks to the leg and laying on it in a leglock. Yeah it’s boring but it’s also one less thing they could horribly botch. Hogan fights up and hits the big boot but the legdrop is countered into a dreadful half crab. Some rights and lefts have Hogan in trouble, though I’m not sure what’s scintillating about them.

Undertaker grabs him by the throat and Hogan barely moves, leaving Undertaker to loudly shout JUMP before hitting one of the worst chokeslams you’ll ever see (This is COMPLETELY edited on the Network as Hogan not moving is edited out along with Undertaker shouting. It’s also a different camera angle.).

That’s enough for the Hulk Up and the usual gets two for the champ. The running DDT gets the same for Undertaker as this is actually picking up a bit. Cue Vince as Hogan kicks a chair into Undertaker’s face and drops another leg for no cover. Instead Vince is dragged in for a legdrop of his own but Undertaker cracks Hogan with the chair. The chokeslam (better but still bad) is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. The best thing they could have done here was keep this pretty short (about twelve and a half minutes) instead of having either guy out there for the marathons they had back at Backlash. Undertaker is a shell of his glory days at this point but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan and isn’t as likely to embarrass himself in the ring. Boring and familiar is much better than the nightmare that was watching a Hogan match so this was the only possible call in the options they had.

Vince is happy and Undertaker gets in some more chair shots for revenge to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s an important lesson to be learned here: as bad as WWE can be around this time, there is good stuff worth checking out. Van Dam vs. Guerrero, the Cell match, Austin vs. Flair/Show and Edge vs. Angle were all good to very good matches. That’s half the card and a big chunk of the show that can be considered entertaining. Unfortunately there’s everything else and that stuff starts at horrible and goes downhill from there. I don’t think this changes much about TV going forward but at least we had a good two hour and forty minute show to enjoy.

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It’s reminiscent of Judgment Day 2000.Back at Judgment Day 2000, the Rock was in an iron man match against HHH.  With about two minutes to go, everything fell apart and Rock was outnumbered by about six to one.  It looked like there was no hope but the Undertaker returned and saved the Rock.  He also cost him the WWF Title but that’s another story.

The place went NUTS as Undertaker had been gone for about six months.  He was making a huge return after about six months away and he had been gone just long enough that people had forgotten he was missing.  That brings us to the next six weeks before Wrestlemania.  There’s a factor that hasn’t been mentioned in the the last few weeks and I think that’s by design.

The man I’m talking about is Vince McMahon.

Vince hasn’t been seen on WWE TV since I believe TLC, or about two months ago.  Everything seems to be falling down around Daniel Bryan as HHH and Stephanie’s authority continues to expand but if history has taught us anything, it’s that Vince McMahon can defy any story or power structure and be the ultimate power in WWE at the drop of a hat.

Vince is going to be back before Wrestlemania and he’s going to be shake up the Bryan vs. HHH feud.  Bank on it.

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Judgment Day 2006
Date: May 21, 2006
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

 

Just looking at the card, this is a terribly boring show. This is in the period for the WWE where they were kind of searching for what their next big thing would be but it wasn’t there at all. Cena would win the world title for a year in the fall and ECW was just about to be resurrected. The main event here is Rey vs. JBL for the Smackdown Title. See what I’m up against? Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about accepting your fate and the judgment you will face when everything is done. Standard stuff for this show. Tonight is the final of the King of the Ring. I forgot about that. It’s Booker vs. Lashley.

 

The weird part about this show is that the theme song is This Fire Burns, which would be Punk’s music eventually but it means nothing here.

 

Smackdown Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. MNM

 

MNM have the titles here. Melina does her usual sexy entrance. MNM has lost 5 times in a row to Londrick. How in the world are they still champions then? Nice pop for the challengers. London vs. Nitro (Morrison) to start us off. London speeds things way up and the crowd is white hot. The challengers tag in and out very fast as they work the arm of Nitro.

 

Mercury comes in and finally takes over a bit. Shoulder block gets two for Kendrick. Londrick clears the ring and it’s high spot time. Mercury comes back in and avoids a big cross body to give MNM the advantage. Melina lets loose the screams. You can hear Morrison’s push dying with every one. She throws a head scissors on London for two.

 

We hit the chinlock as I guess the future straightedge masked man needs a breather. Collision puts both guys down and it’s a double tag to bring in Kendrick and Nitro. Snapshot to Kendrick (elevate DDT) gets two as London saves. Good thing the referee glared at him in between the 1 and 2 counts to make sure he made the save. Morrison throws a chinlock on Kendrick as we reset things again.

 

Delayed vertical suplex by Mercury gets two on Kendrick. It’s the old school style of “what do we have to do to beat this small man???” which is always good. Off to another chinlock as London plays cheerleader. I’d prefer Melina but I’ll take what I can get. Nitro poses on a cover for two and gets all ticked off. This would be similar to the AGGRESSIVE Morrison we saw a few weeks ago.

 

Chinlock #4 goes on as it’s pretty clear they got a bit too much time in this. Kendrick gets a reversal to send Mercury into Morrison and it’s hot tag London. After cleaning house he gets a dropsault to cover Nitro but Melina comes in and screams for the save. No touching, just stuff with the mouth. Works for me. They can’t get the suplex/hold the foot pin to work so Kendrick totally misses a huge dive and THUDS on the floor. Sick sound too. MNM tries some double teaming but HEEL MISCOMMUNICATION lets London get a jackknife pin on Mercury to give them small dudes the tag titles which they would hold about 11 months.

 

Rating: B. Good match here to be sure but the amount of resting hurt it. This would be a higher grade if Nitro or Mercury was a bit better in the ring but pretty good other than that. Nitro would get a lot better of course while Mercury just kind of floundered for a long time. Melina and the screaming was good too. Fun opener and the crowd was into it the whole time, which is the idea.

 

Melina blames Mercury post match and slaps him. The guys go at it and she kicks Mercury in the head. This is the end of the team I guess. The referee gets a swift kick in the balls too. The pull apart brawl goes on for awhile as Teddy Long goes down also.

 

We get a King of the Ring moment, which is Bret winning the 93 tournament, which I believe was his second.

 

Finlay vs. Chris Benoit

 

These two had a 20+ minute match on Smackdown in the quarterfinals where Finlay cheated to win. LOUD Benoit chant to start us off. They lock up and that is one of the more intense versions you’ll ever see with them heading to the floor without breaking the tieup. Back in the ring and they stare each other down with Benoit being aggressive as is his custom.

 

With the staredown still going on Benoit grabs the legs and tries the Sharpshooter in a nice attempt at a quick win. We hit the mat where Finlay gets to show off a bit which isn’t something you see often out of a brawler like him. We’re in the chinlock early but it’s been a decent opening so I can live with that. This is about technical stuff anyway as they’re moving around while on the mat in this now headlock. There’s a big difference between that and sitting there in a chinlock.

 

Finlay backs off to buy some time to solid heat. Benoit chops away and we hit the mat again with Finlay taking over. Finlay fires off a European uppercut into the back of Benoit. That’s a new one. Benoit slaps the tar out of Finlay, sending him down and here comes our favorite psycho. Knee lifts and chops all around as Benoit hammers him down. Backbreaker gets two.

 

Back to the grappling as this is going to be a long one. In a nice sequence, Benoit has a chinlock on but ever so slowly shifts the arm into position for the Crossface. Notice what he did there: he tried to make Finlay get caught in the hold rather than throwing it on. That’s thinking and showing that Benoit has strategy going for him at the same time. Very good sign there.

 

It’s still a chinlock with a mild arm trap as Finlay has figured it out. Benoit opts for a crucifix instead for two. Big clothesline by Finlay gets two. When Finlay is covering him he drives his knee into Benoit’s face. That has to hurt. Still on the mat now with Finlay grabbing Benoit’s wrists and putting his feet on Benoit’s head to pull back on the arms. The Canadian fights off the Irishman with some Germans. I had to get that in there somewhere.

 

Swan Dive misses according to the replay. On the regular shot of it I thought Finlay got caught but I was proven wrong. Mark your calendars for that as it won’t likely happen again. Dragon Screw Leg Whip looks to lock on the Sharpshooter but Finlay kicks him off. For no apparent reason Finlay hits the floor to get a chair but Benoit gets a baseball slide to drive the chair into him.

 

Back in and the Swan Dive hits this time for two. Benoit gets caught in a Bret chest to the corner shot and Finlay blasts him in the back of the head with a forearm/clothesline for two. Finlay works the neck which is somehow still not healed apparently. Granted it’s been two weeks since Edge had to retire so maybe this isn’t the right time to say that. Earthquake splash gets two.

 

This is a very physical and hard hitting match which is exactly what you would expect from these two. Finlay throws on a combination hammerlock/Dragon Sleeper which is a new one. I like seeing those new holds as you spend so much time looking at them and wondering how much they’re hurting that you forget they’re mainly rest holds. Another shot to the back of the head puts Chris right back down.

 

Benoit is like screw it and fires off forearms (note to ROH guys: FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE STRIKES!!!) but Finlay goes back to the arm to keep control. We go to the neck again as this has been mostly Finlay. A slam is reversed and it’s Rolling Germans Part Deux the Sequel Resurrection Returns and all other bad titles for sequels. Out to the floor and Finlay grabs that club that I don’t even want to try to spell but Benoit counters with a German on the floor. And people wonder why his brain looked like it was put in a blender on frappe.

 

Back in for Three Amigos which means about ten suplexes so far for Finlay. He does the Eddie chest pat but Finlay knocks him to the floor when he tries for the headbutt again. Another shot to his head as it goes into the barricade this time too. Finlay throws him into the post shoulder first but Benoit counters into the Crossface and we’re done after a twenty plus minute FIGHT.

 

Rating: B+. If you like brawls with technical stuff mixed in, check this match out. This was an incredibly physical match that had psychology all over the place as Benoit kept firing back with insane offense when he was in trouble and at the end it was enough to get the tap out. Very fun stuff here and the amount of time helped it a lot. Very good match and I’d bet on it being the best we get all night.

 

We recap Jillian vs. Melina. Jillian got fired by JBL so Melina was all mean to her and they had a fight with makeup or something.

 

Jillian Hall vs. Melina

 

Jillian is just a hot blonde with a big chest at this point and isn’t yet a singer. Billy Graham is here. Nitro is here with Melina and then he gets thrown out before the bell. Thesz Press by Jillian who is oddly face here. Hennig neck snap to Melina and we hit the floor. All Jillian so far. And never mind as Melina sends her into the steps as I lose all thought as I see that skirt of hers.

 

To anyone expecting anything beyond a TV Divas match here, why in the world are you here? Body scissors by Melina followed by a head snap as I’m just looking at Jillian in the shorts at this point to pass the time. Jillian gets a sunset flip out of the corner despite Melina grabbing the rope for the pin. It’s over at least.

 

Rating: D-. Jillian was hot and Melina was in her Pocahontas gear here so I can’t really say it fails. Just a TV match.

 

Krystal, the backstage interviewer, tries to talk to Melina post match. She’s WAY too perky and you figure out the rest. Krystal beats her up anyway.

 

JBL, who is AMERICAN and US Champion here, says he’s awesome and does his usual I AM AMERICA promo. Chavo pops up to an ERUPTION (what the…..) and JBL yells at him about Eddie or something. Chavo says Viva La Raza and might as well be giving out money to the fans.

 

Another KOTR moment which is Austin winning the crown and igniting a new era with his post match promo.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Super Crazy

 

Helms is in the middle of his year plus title reign and this is just another title defense. Crazy is part of the Mexicools here so he’s on a lawn mower because….well just because. An Arizona Diamondback is here. We get a Smokey Robinson reference for no apparent reason at all. Jackknife cover gets two for Crazy as does another rollup. La Majistrol gets two.

 

Crazy sends him to the floor with a clothesline and sets for a dive. Nick Patrick stops it so Crazy uses him for a springboard to dive anyway. LET THE ECW CHANTS RING!!! And never mind as a hot shot gets two for Helms as does a neckbreaker. Remember that whole “this is just a TV match” from the previous match? That isn’t the case here. This is the very different LONG TV match.

 

Suplex by Crazy gets no cover as we go back to more holds on the mat. Off to the chinlock as we hear about Crazy winning a triple threat to get here. No word on opponents or anything but I guess they don’t matter. Rollup gets two for Crazy as the fans are mostly deceased. Elbow misses for the champion and Crazy fights back a bit. For a guy named SUPER CRAZY he’s really not that insane.

 

Missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault misses as does the Shining Wizard for the champion. Spinwheel kick gets two as we’re totally killing time here. Helms gets about his 8^th neckbreaker of the match for two. Helms finally gets a snake eyes and rollup with his feet on the ropes to end this.

 

Rating: D+. Rather boring match here as Super Crazy becomes the Scott Steiner of the Cruiserweights. What I mean by that is he used to be good and at this point he’s doing nothing but living off past glory with the same name and one or two of the same moves that are signature things. Nothing of note here at all and a rather weak match.

 

We recap Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. Henry is a monster heel here and has splashed Angle through a lot of tables to injure Kurt’s ribs.

 

Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle

 

Henry sets up the announce table before Angle’s entrance. This was around the time that it was supposed to be Batista vs. Henry but Henry legit hurt Batista. Henry runs down the crowd and is really bad at it to say the least. Kurt takes over to start with a big rush of offense and we hit the mat which makes sense for Kurt to do so I can’t complain there at all.

 

Backdrop is countered by Angle into a sunset flip. Henry misses the drop down to Angle. I think it might have been a combination of him looking at Angle, yelling and then jumping as high as he could. Just a hunch though. To the floor and Angle tries a German through the table which doesn’t work of course.

 

Back in and it’s still almost all Kurt as he takes the leg out and throws on a hold. Tazz uses the eternally stupid line of “everybody is the same size on the mat.” No they’re not. Henry is still a lot bigger than Angle but he’s on the mat now. That doesn’t change the size difference. They get up and Kurt charges at him, only to get knocked down with ease.

 

Henry works on the back with various moves involving dropping down on the ribs with a lot of fatness. Kurt reverses the World’s Strongest Slam into a DDT though to reset things a bit. German sets up an Angle Slam which looked really bad as there was nothing special about it at all and it was really just a modified belly to back suplex. I mean it always is but this looked even worse.

 

World’s Strongest Slam hits but Kurt kicks out again. Henry, showing his offensive range, tries it again but gets reversed into the ankle lock. We hit the floor after a quick reversal and Henry sets for a splash on the table but Kurt rolls away. Henry instead splashes him against the post and wins by countout. Really?

 

Rating: D. Match was short and not very good on top of that. The ending made this a lot worse than it probably was but it saves both guys which helps a bit. Henry was just worthless though as he had no charisma and even less appeal. He was very boring but Vince kept giving him push after push for no apparent reason.

 

Post match Henry tries to splash him again but Kurt snaps and half kills Henry with a chair and the ankle lock w/grapevine. Angle Slam to the table but the table doesn’t break so Mark just falls off of it. BIG chair shot to the head and Henry goes crashing through the table.

 

Sharmell comes up to talk to Booker who likes the idea of being King. She lists off various kinds he’ll be better than such as Tut, Kong and Martin Luther.

 

Video on the King of the Ring, recapping who has been in so far etc.

 

King of the Ring: Booker T vs. Bobby Lashley

 

Booker beat Matt Hardy and got a bye to get here. Lashley beat Mark Henry and Finlay. Booker gets shoved down to start and they circle each other. I mean they circle each other A LOT. Lashley takes over with power shots and Booker can’t outmove him. A shoulder hits the post though and Lashley crashes to the floor. We go into the slowdown stuff here as Booker takes over on the arm.

 

Lashley fights back with a clothesline and stands around a lot. Sharmell interferes which gets them nowhere so they do it again and Booker takes over. Bookend gets a long two. This is rather boring stuff. Powerslam gets two for Lashley and the fans get WAY into it all of a sudden. Spinning heel kick sets up the axe kick for two. Lashley gets the spear but here’s Finlay with the club to Lashley’s head to let Booker hit the Bookend for the crown. He would win the title next.

 

Rating: D. I didn’t like this one at all for the most part. They felt like they were in the beginning of the match the entire time and it never worked for the most part. A D might be a bit low but at the same time I wasn’t thrilled with it in the slightest. It never got going at all and the whole thing was carried by Booker to say the least. At the time I never got the point of having Booker win but he was by far better at this point and in the long run it turned out to be the right move I think.

 

Booker is crowned which consists of him just throwing it on. Lashley spears him through the throne.

 

We recap Undertaker vs. Khali. Taker had been dominating and beat up Mark Henry so Daviari brought in Khali which was THE EXACT SAME THING they did in 1992 with Kamala, Giant Gonzalez and Harvey Whippleman. For no apparent reason they let Khali absolutely squash Rey in a non-title match. Khali beat up Taker and he disappeared, only to return tonight.

 

Great Khali vs. Undertaker

 

The gong gets a very solid pop as you would expect. Taker hammers away to start but gets nowhere at all. Scratch that as he gets sent to the floor. Khali tries the chop so Taker hammers away. And once again that gets him stuck on the floor. Nice job there dude. Cole turns into an Undertaker cheerleader as Taker gets a Stunner over the top.

 

You can tell this is a big match because Old School is countered. And of course, NO ONE has ever countered that before. I love revisionist history at time. Khali hammers away as well as he can, meaning this is really rather boring. Out to the floor again and Taker goes knees first into the steps. That looked painful beyond belief and people wonder why he wrestles like once a year anymore.

 

Back in and there’s the chop that killed Taker deader than dead before. Khali puts the foot on his chest and Taker kicks out. Of course he sits up and here comes Taker. Old School hits and Khali is staggering. Taker pounds away and hits the jumping clothesline to tie Khali up in the ropes. Fans are rapidly getting into this. Daivari gets up on the apron but the referee saves him. Khali gets untied and the chokeslam doesn’t work. A pair of chops sets up a boot to the head, allowing Khali to put his foot on Taker’s chest and get the clean pin. Now THAT is putting someone over.

 

Rating: D-. And the match sucked. Did you really expect anything else? The crowd is legit shocked as they probably should be. Khali was supposed to have various PPV matches with Taker but one time he was wellnessed and the second the company flat out said he wasn’t good enough to be on live PPV in a last man standing match so they had it on Smackdown with Taker of course winning. After that, he wound up as world champion so there we are.

 

Video/trailer for See No Evil, which was the movie Kane was in.

 

We recap JBL vs. Mysterio. Rey won the title at Mania and said he’ll fight anyone at anytime. WWE then promptly had Rey get crushed by Mark Henry, Kane and Khali. What a great way to get your champion over right? This was supposed to be a bully angle I think but it wasn’t anything interesting because at the end of the day it was JBL vs. Rey Mysterio for the world title and that simply wasn’t interesting for a main event.

 

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

 

JBL is US Champion here. The fans chant for Eddie because he’s facing JBL here. I mean, he’s the reason Rey won the title after all right? They stare each other down and JBL lifts Rey up and puts him on the corner. JBL takes over as this is pure power vs. speed. 619 is avoided and we hit the floor. Seated senton takes JBL down and a top rope cross body gets two back in the ring.

 

Ten punches in the corner as Rey continues the dominance. In a nice heelish move, Rey points to a fan, allowing Rey to hit a baseball slide to JBL’s baseballs. Dropkick puts Bradshaw back on the floor where he gets the big boot to put down Rey and take over. Rey’s wife is at ringside so the ending is pretty clear here. JBL’s knuckles are bloody from hammering on Rey so much.

 

JBL hits Three Amigos to really rub in the insults. Rey is busted also and gets kicked to the floor. Fall away slam on the floor as the bullying thing continues. He fires off some clotheslines but these are from purgatory I guess as they’re not finishing moves. Rey is bleeding badly. Rey gets up and fires back which gets him nowhere. Off to a sleeper/chinlock by Layfield which he lets go in exchange for a cover for two.

 

They hit the corner again but Bradshaw can’t get a top rope belly to back suplex. Moonsault press gets two and they’re both down. Rey tries a Bronco Buster but runs into a boot to his Pelotas. 619 hits out of nowhere but JBL pulls the referee in front of him and down he goes. BIG powerbomb but there’s no referee. Naturally that gets two so down goes that referee also. JBL gets a chair which is kicked into his face. 619 and Frog Splash keep the title on Rey. Chavo comes out for the celebration.

 

Rating: C+. Match was ok but there were no shocks in this at all. They just did their thing out there and while the match was ok we knew it wouldn’t be JBL that ended the reign. It’s better than most TV matches but it’s not much overall. Paint by numbers might be a good description of this but it was still pretty good.

 

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some ok stuff in this but at the same time the whole thing felt like a very b-list show. This is a show that could have been an In Your House back in the day and probably would have been a lot better off that way too. Not much of a show but they tried at least. Benoit vs. Finlay is good but not must see. Weak show overall and not worth seeing at all, but it’s nothing horrible.

 

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