Born To Die
Date: April 5, 2024
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentator: Joe Dombrowski

It’s back to the ECW Arena for Battleground Championship Wrestling, a local promotion which doesn’t seem to be the most well received. We’ll actually be looking at a pair of shows from them on the same day, with one of them being a bit different. This is their regular show and I have no idea what to expect here so let’s get to it.

Keep in mind I do not follow this promotion at all so I apologize in advance for anything I miss involving storylines or character information.

Juicy Finau vs. Wrecking Ball Legursky

We’re starting with the hoss fight as the rather large Legursky can’t move the far bigger Finau. Legursky yells at him and they collide a few times to no avail. A crossbody finally sends Legursky out to the floor and they brawl outside, with Legursky being sent into the barricade. Back in and Legursky hits a crossbody for a knockdown of his own, with Finau rolling outside this time.

A chair to the back has Finau in more trouble but he knocks the chair into Legursky’s face for a change. Back in and Legursky splashes him into the corner, setting up a hip attack. Finau isn’t having that and hits one of his own for two, with frustration setting in. Back up and Legursky manages a World’s Strongest Slam for two more but Finau plants him with a Samoan drop. A middle rope moonsault finishes Legursky at 10:34.

Rating: C+. This one is going to depend on how you feel about hoss fights so it was only going to be so strong in the first place. Finau is a huge guy and some of the things he can do are impressive but I’ve never gotten the big appeal out of him. I’ve liked the things I’ve seen from Legursky over the years, though a lot of that might be due to having an awesome name.

Lance Anoa’i vs. Rich Swann

For a shot at the Battleground Championship Wrestling Title. Anoa’i is billed as representing the Bloodline (son of Samu, cousin of just about everyone else) and has a nice look. The fans however seem to prefer Swann, as dancing often gets positive reactions. Anoa’i shoves him down without much trouble to start but the alternating hands on a test of strength attempt sets off the dancing.

That just earns Swann a rather hard Samoan drop and they head outside, with Swann whipping him into the barricade for a needed breather. A whole lap around the ring sets up a running boot to Anoa’i face but a second takes too long, meaning Swann gets dropped. Back in and Swann fights out of a nerve hold but gets dropped hard on his back for his efforts. Swann is fine enough to hit a clothesline into a frog splash for two but Anoa’i superkicks his head off. The Superfly Splash finishes Swann off at 7:35.

Rating: C+. I don’t remember seeing Anoa’i before but beating a fairly big name like Swann is a good sign for his future. Granted being part of the Anoa’i Family helps and he had a solid look and some size. I could see him going somewhere someday, as he’s only 32 years old and looked fine enough in there. Swann still feels like someone who was on the verge of being a bigger start and then just stopped moving up the ladder for some reason. Maybe it’s being such a long time TNA star, but he should be better than what he is at the moment.

Sex With Your Next Ex Express vs. Nu Backseat Boys

That would be Alvin/Kristian Ross/Philadelphia Playboy vs. Johnny Kashmere/JP Grayson/Tommy Grayson. Joel Gertner is with the former team, and if they win, they all get one year contracts. If they lose though, they’re completely out of the promotion. Gertner, looking rather old and depressed, actually doesn’t say anything before the match. The Express jumps them to start but get knocked away with the Boys firing off the kicks to the rather large Alvin. Kashmere tries to slam Ross but gets clipped and pinned 1:56.

Gertner announces the winners and says it didn’t have to be this way. He didn’t need to come here for the low money he’s receiving….but he paid off the referee to win here. Gertner talks about how people he cares about are going into various Halls of Fame and now HE is going into the Intergalactic Hall Of Fame Of Life!

Crowbar vs. Facade

Crowbar (yes the WCW guy) has a large bodyguard named Percival and a masked woman named Vanessa who come to the ring for him. Facade on the other hand is in rather bright colors and is billed as the Neon Ninja. Crowbar hides in the corner to start before getting caught in an early headlock. That’s broken up and we have a standoff as commentary talks about the various shows that have taken place in this venue.

Back up and Crowbar chops away in the corner, only for Facade to show him a better version. Some springboards into a dropkick put Crowbar on the floor but he’s right back in, where Facade drops him with a suplex. Crowbar heads outside again but this time Percival press slams Facade onto the barricade. Facade gets dropped onto a chair to make it worse and they head back inside for some near falls.

A running crotch attack against the ropes rocks Facade again and a legdrop gives Crowbar two more. Ye olde chinlock doesn’t last long but Crowbar pulls him out of the corner for another near fall. A Swanton misses for Crowbar though and Facade hits a running kick to the chest for a breather. The kick works so well that Facade can hit a springboard spinning version to the face for two more.

With that kind of exhausted, Facade whips out a door and bridges it on the timekeeper’s table at ringside. A springboard off the barricade doesn’t work as Facade slips, allowing Crowbar to hit a chokebomb for two back inside. There’s a super hurricanrana into a northern lights suplex onto a chair for two on Facade. Back up and Facade puts him down, setting up a triple jump twisting moonsault for two.

Percival tries to interrupt but gets kicked in the head, which is enough for Crowbar to leave. That doesn’t work for Facade, who hits a big springboard flip dive and then sends Crowbar through the door. Back in and Crowbar grabs a chair, which is kicked into his face for two with Vanessa pulling the referee at two. Percival gets involved again, this time catching Facade on top, allowing Crowbar to grab a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin at 19:05.

Rating: C+. Well that was….long. I’m not sure if they needed to go on for nearly twenty minutes but I was kind of stunned that it ran as long as it did. Facade is quite good at the high flying stuff and I’m not sure I would have recognized Crowbar if commentary hadn’t pointed it out. The fact that he’s still going is impressive enough and the match wasn’t bad, but they probably could have cut about five minutes out to make it a good bit better.

Post match Facade goes after Vanessa but Crowbar says he shouldn’t do that because he’s a babyface. Crowbar wants to sit down and talk with Facade in the back and tries to get a NEON NINJA chant started. Facade isn’t sure and leaves on his own.

VSK vs. La Estrella

They fight over wrist control to start until VSK grabs a headscissors into a dropkick. Estrella is right back up with a hand walk into a headscissors of his own, with VSK being sent outside. Back in and VSK sends him outside, with a dropkick through the ropes sending Estrella flying up the aisle in a nice visual. They get back inside again and VSK catapults him to the floor as you might be noticing a pattern emerging here.

Back in again and Estrella sends him to the floor this time (ok we get it), setting up a springboard dive to drop VSK again. Estrella grabs a spinning DDT for two back inside but gets crotched on top. VSK’s Cradle Shock gets two but Estrella is back with a springboard headbutt for two. Not that it matters as VSK is grabs a sunset driver for the pin at 8:11.

Rating: C. They were doing well enough, though the constant trips to the floor hurt it a good bit. I shouldn’t be rolling my eyes and saying “again?” about five minutes into a match. VSK is someone who has popped up in a few different promotions now and has done well enough, though I’m not sure how far he could realistically expect to go. Not a bad match, but it felt like they weren’t sure what they were doing to start.

Tim Embler, the owner of the company, is here for a chat. First up, he brings up the Joel Gertner situation, which he will address at the next show. That will be on July 6, when there will be three events in one day. The day will include an all women’s show called Who Runs The World, a meet and greet with Jim Ross, and then a show called United We Stand. As for Gertner and company, they will be facing three ECW Originals, as managed by Tod Gordon and Bill Alfonso.

Also on that show, James Storm and Fuego del Sol, but more importantly, we have the debut of the Battleground Street Fight Championship. That title will be available to anyone who has spilled blood in this building for any promotion. There will be a tournament held, with Necro Butcher as the first name announced, but cue Drake Younger (as in the former WWE referee who had some….interesting thoughts on various issues) to interrupt. He talks about what he has done in this building and wants in on the title. Works for Embler.

Intermission, which is thankfully edited out of the streaming version.

Fallah Bahh/Beastman vs. Brian Myers/Swoggle

Beastman is from deepest, darkest West Virginia and Myers has his TNA Tag Team Title. Myers and Bahh (who weighs about 400lbs) start things off but Swoggle wants in instead. A bite to the back of the tights doesn’t do much to Bahh, who knocks Swoggle down and then rolls over him to make it worse. Myers, thinking Swoggle is a bit destroyed, comes in to drag him over to the corner for a tag.

Beastman comes in as well and it’s a double elbow to put Myers down, leaving Beastman (probably pushing 400lb himself) to do something of a Worm. A trip to the floor goes well for Myers, as he grabs an implant DDT for two on Beastman back inside. Swoggle comes in and rakes Beastman’s eyes for two before telling Myers to give him a boot. A bite to the back drives Beastman into said boot, with Myers telling Swoggle to give him a boot this time well.

That earns Myers a toss into the corner, meaning Bahh can come back in to clean house. A big legdrop gets two on Myers, who charges into a swinging Boss Man Slam from Beastman. Everything breaks down and Beastman misses a charge out to the corner. A low blow staggers Bahh and it’s a Roster Cut (running clothesline) into a Shining Wizard from Swoggle to pin Bahh at 8:05.

Rating: C. I’m thinking we can write this one off as “goofy fun” and that isn’t a bad thing. It was the freak show aspect with the small Hornswoggle, the two giant opponents, and Myers as the one in the middle. That worked out well enough, with Swoggle being incredibly talented and far better than what he is often expected to be given his size.

PCO vs. Matt Riddle

This is billed as a three way dance before the ring announcer corrects himself (as Jacob Fatu was originally advertised but apparently signed with WWE around this time). Riddle tries some grappling to start and gets nowhere so he strikes away instead. An overhead suplex sets up the Broton for two but PCO catches him with a superplex for two.

Riddle hits his own suplex, setting up the Floating Bro for two more. PCO isn’t having that and knocks him outside for the big suicide dive. Back in and a guillotine legdrop gets two on Riddle, followed by a chokeslam. The PCOsault misses but PCO is right back with a Codebreaker out of the corner for two. Riddle pops back up and strikes away, setting up an RKO for the pin at 5:26.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but the match barely going five minutes is rather disappointing. These are the two biggest names on the show and they were barely out there for very long. I was interested in seeing these two have a match I hadn’t seen before and while they did, I was hoping for a lot more.

Women’s Title: Dani Mo vs. Miranda Gordy

Mo is defending and they fight over wrist control to start. With that going nowhere, Mo grabs a headlock takeover and then armdrags her out to the floor. A dropkick through the ropes staggers Gordy, who sends her into the barricade a few times. Gordy clotheslines her over the barricade and rams her into various things, only to be sent into some chairs.

They head back inside where Gordy hits a running corner splash for two, leaving her with a smile for some reason. Mo strikes away and hits a running dropkick for two, followed by a basement Downward Spiral. Gordy suplexes her way out of trouble but the powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana. Back up and….two women run in for the no contest at 9:04.

Rating: C+. They were starting to roll near the end but then the ending brought it right back down. Gordy is someone who has the kind of power that you do not often see in women’s wrestling and she was wrestling enough like her dad to make that work. Mo was more of a plucky star who fought against the bigger challenger, which was starting to work before everything was cut off.

Post match the beating is on and the women…..are not identified by commentary, who says he doesn’t know who they are (even though they have their own title). How do you screw that up? Or how do you think that’s a good idea?

Battleground Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Lince Dorado

Kendrick is defending. They trade takedowns to start and Kendrick makes it over to the ropes. The threat of an early bulldog choke has Dorado escaping as well and he strikes away to take over. A middle rope anklescissors sends Kendrick to the apron and a dropkick puts him on the floor. There’s another anklescissors, this time from the apron, to drop Kendrick again as the champ is in trouble early.

Dorado chops away against the barricade but gets launched face first into a metal post. Hold on though as Kendrick doesn’t want to win via countout and throws him back inside. Dorado is back up with a chair for a step up leg lariat in the corner. A high crossbody connects but Kendrick rolls through into the bulldog choke. That’s broken up as well so Dorado superkicks him into a sitout powerbomb for two. The shooting star press misses for Dorado so Kendrick grabs Sliced Bread #2 for…well two more actually. They trade rollups until Kendrick gets a sunset flip (and lays backwards for some reason) to retain at 7:43.

Rating: B-. Just like the Riddle vs. PCO match, I was expecting a good bit more here, especially for a title match. How much can you really get out of a main event title match when you only have that much time? Both of them are more than good enough in the ring to have a better match, but they didn’t have the time to make it work as well as possible.

Post match Juicy Finau and Afa Jr. come in to say the title is coming back to the Samoan Dynasty on July 6. Kendrick leaves and Afa hypes up the crowd, but does stop to yell at one fan like a villain should.

Overall Rating: C+. This was just about the pure definition of “eh, it was ok”. The wrestling was mostly adequate and it felt like they were setting things up for later in a lot of ways, but there is absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see here. They didn’t try to tie this into ECW very much, but the few times they did made it stand out at least a bit better.

On the more positive side, the production values were quite good and better than most of what you’ll see in independent promotions. There was nothing bad on the show and even the worst match was completely watchable. Throw in a rather laid back attitude and I had a good enough time, though the bigger matches need to feel more important. You’ll be fine if you watch this, but it’s VERY low on the list of shows you’ll want to see.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break: Cluster**** Forever
Date: April 6, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

This is the second half of Spring Break, with a two match card. Naturally this includes a Punjabi Prison match, but the big draw is the Cluster**** Battle Royal, which is only a match with actual structure in the loosest of terms. There will probably be more than fifty entrants with loosely timed intervals, but the real fun is seeing who shows up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the Punjabi Prison match.

Tag Team Titles: Violence Is Forever vs. Juicy Finau/Zilla Fatu vs. Los Macios vs. Bollywood Boyz

Violence Is Forever (Kevin Ku/Dominic Garrini) is defending and Los Macios are Ciclope/Miedo Extremo. The Boyz are carried on fans’ shoulders to the ring, which is surrounded by the bamboo style cage. This is one fall to a finish, meaning it’s not quite a Punjabi Prison match but I’ll take what I can get under the circumstances.

Fatu and Finau clean house to start, with Finau and Garrini fighting to the floor (as in outside of the cage) where Garrini gets beaten up. Los Macios hit Ku with a double flapjack but can’t manage to double suplex the rather large Ku. The Boyz are back up with a Bollywood Blast to Ku before double teaming Fatu down. Finau wrecks Finau as more people go to the floor to brawl.

Gurv is busted open and Ciclope grabs an electric tool, which can’t go well for anyone. Los Macios manage to knock Finau down inside, at least partially thanks to a chair, leaving Fatu to Samoan drop Harv off the cage through some doors at ringside. About ten chair shots and a Samoan drop put Finau down again as Ciclope climbs the cage.

Fatu Samoan Spikes him down and then dives back in with Garrini having to make a save. A spike piledriver hits Gurv…who pops right back up. The champs chair him down and then do the same to Finau. We pause for the sake of spending forever to set up a double stack door. The top rope double stomp to Finau gives Ku the retaining pin at 14:26.

Rating: C+. What is there to say about a match like this? It’s total insanity with all kinds of things going on at once. That’s kind of the point, and while the cage itself was only kind of used at times, I think I like the idea of having people coming and going. Having eight people in the ring at once is a mess, so I’ll take carnage going throughout the arena and ringside over everyone in the ring and not being able to move.

We look at upcoming shows as it’s going to take some time to get the cage down.

Commentary hypes up the Cluster as we stay on the graphic of upcoming events.

Before the Cluster starts, here is GCW World Champion Black Christian, with Shane Mercer, for a chat. Christian talks about how Joey Janela couldn’t finish the story last night at Spring Break and it wasn’t the first time he was bigger, stronger and could last longer than Janela. Cue Janela from behind to powerbomb Christian and hit him with a package piledriver. Mercer and Janela brawl outside…and here is Mance Warner, who has a guaranteed title shot at any time. Warner loads up the screwdriver but Effy comes in to brawl with Warner to the back.

We preview the Cluster, which is about having all kinds of people, with no idea of who or how many people will be entering.

Cluster****

There are unknown entrants and you can be eliminated by pin, submission, over the top, leaving the building and death. It’s Royal Rumble style (with the rules and intervals being loose at best) with Jimmy Lloyd, in a neck brace after last night, in at #1. Before the match he rips on Philadelphia before bringing out Matt Cardona and Steph de Lander. Well in theory that is but instead it’s Shane Douglas coming in at #2.

Shane hits a quick belly to belly for the pin and the elimination, allowing him to stop and talk about the history of wrestling here in Philadelphia. All of the promotions around here can kiss his a** but here is Shota in at #3. A dropkick staggers Douglas but he’s back with the belly to belly for the pin. Bam Sullivan is in at #4 and flips off Douglas, who hammers away. Sullivan knocks him down and gets two off a splash but Douglas bites him in the head. A running clothesline of all things gets rid of Sullivan and it’s Lindsay in at #5.

Douglas doesn’t think much of her so she hits him low for two. The camel clutch goes on but Jason Knight comes in, presumably at #6, to kiss Snow and toss her out. Rob S*** is in at #7 and beats on both of them until Knight dumps him. The Carnage Crew (Loc and DeVito) are in at #8 and #9 but they’re both out just as fast. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 and yeah the fans approve as the ECW reunion continues. Justin Credible pops in, I guess at #11, and leaves with Jason without doing anything.

That leaves Dreamer vs. Douglas with a quick DDT getting rid of Douglas as the Impact Players (Knight/Credible) are officially eliminated due to leaving. Rina Yamashita is in at #12 and they slug it out, with Rina grabbing a testicular claw. An enziguri drops Dreamer and Tony Deppen is in at #13 (Rina rolls her eyes). Rina rolls outside (not eliminated) and 1 Called Manders is in at #14. Brawling ensues until Charlie Tiger is in at #15. That goes nowhere so Jeffrey John is in at #16 as the ring is starting to fill up.

Facade is in at #17 for some kicks to stagger various people. The intervals pick up as Masha Slamovich is in at #18. Slamovich avoids a dropkick and chokes John out for the elimination. Tiger gets choked out as well before Slamovich crotches Facade on top and gets rid of him. Deppen tries to get rid of Slamovich but Dreamer throws him out instead. Trevor Outlaw and Frank The Clown are in at #19 and #20 with Outlaw trying a cheap shot on Dreamer, who grabs a DDT.

Slamovich tosses Dreamer and pins Outlaw as Marcus Mathers is in at #21. Mathers kicks Rina back out to the floor (again not out) and Parrow is in at #22. Frank The Clown has left the building (he never got in the ring) for an elimination and it’s Mike Bailey in at #23 (you knew he was coming). Everyone goes after the large Parrow, who tosses Bailey. Parrow puts Slamovich down for the pin as well and it’s Pollo del Mar in at #24. Pollo is tossed rather quickly and it’s Dark Sheik, Edith Surreal and Jamie Senegal in at #25, #26 and #27.

They all strike away at Parrow, including a trio of Shattered Dreams. Parrow goes through the ropes (not out) and it’s Cheech and Colin Delaney in at #28 and #29. They go after the trio but can’t get rid of anyone as the Main Event (Jay Lion/Midas Black) are in at #30 and #31. Some rather snazzy double team moves have Cheech and Delaney in trouble, albeit not eliminated. Dives through the ropes take Cheech and Delaney down as the Ugly Sucklings (White Mike and Rob Killjoy) are in at #32 and #33.

The Sucklings beat up both tag teams but can’t get rid of anyone as Davey Bang and August Matthews are in at #34 and #35. That means they get to clean house with some dives as even more people get to lay around on the floor. Cheech and Delaney come back in but get dropped with clotheslines as Bobby Flaco, Terry Yaki, Aerial Van Go and Mr. Danger come in together at #36, #37, #38 and #39.

The four of them go after Delaney, with a hurricanrana into a phoenix splash getting rid of him, with Cheech being thrown out just after. Flaco plants Black for the elimination and a twisting Canadian Destroyer gets rid of Lion. Bang and Matthews are back up to get rid of Mike and Killjoy. Fuego del Sol and Sam Stackhouse are in at #40 and #41 with the much bigger Stackhouse going after Matthews.

Del Sol and Stackhouse knock Matthews and Bang down for stereo pins to clear the ring, not counting all of the people still either on the floor or gone. Stackhouse and del Sol beat up some of the foursome before a ladder is brought in. A moonsault onto said ladder gets rid of Flaco and Yaki but Van Go and Danger use the ladder to drop Stackhouse and del Sol. They both climb the ladder and Van Go headscissors Danger onto the pile on the floor, meaning they’re both eliminated.

Green Phantom is in at #42 and Sexxxy Eddy follows him, apparently at #43. Eddy comes to the ring in a towel and puts his tights on before getting inside to chair Stackhouse down. Mathers comes back in and gets hit low by Eddy but Manders gets back in as well. A double clothesline puts Manders down and it’s Tara Zep in at #44.

Eddy gyrates a lot and Phantom knocks Zep face first into Eddy’s trunks. Phantom slams Zep onto a chair for the elimination and Tank is in at #45. Tank beats up Eddy and Phantom but Manders is back in again for a slugout. They trade headbutts until Tank hammers him into the corner with both of them busted open. Tank headbutts Manders down and it’s Matters coming back in for another slugout. CPA (yes he’s an accountant) is in at #46 and takes off his shirt and tie to reveal….the same shirt and tie.

We’ll make that three layers as he hits a slow motion 619 on Tank. Everyone but CPA goes under the ropes to the floor and it’s Alex Zayne in at #47. Mathers takes Zayne’s place and is sent outside (not out again) as Philly Mike is in at #48. Mike knocks Mathers into the corner and it’s Spyder Nate Webb in at #49 for the full Teenage Dirt Bag entrance. Other wrestlers dance with him at ringside before Webb conducts the fans to sing the song with him.

With the song done, Webb takes a bow and gets inside, beer in hand. The fans want the song to be played again and that is in fact what happens as commentary points out that it is 2am local time. Philly Mike finally jumps Webb, who hands him a beer and then hammers him down. They fight to the floor and Mike walks out for an elimination. Webb follows and he’s out too, taking some of the energy from the crowd. Said energy picks up again as ring announcer Emil Jay enters at #50 but is tossed out almost immediately.

Eddy gets to gyrate a bit and it’s Cheeseburger in at #51. Cheeseburger ties Eddy in the Tree of Woe and sends Phantom face first into his tights, which is enough for an elimination. Eddy’s tights are pulled off and he has to fight with his hands covering himself. That lets Cheeseburger toss him out and Man Like DeReiss is in at #52. As usual, DeReiss raps himself to the ring and throws out CPA in the process. Monomoth (he has wings) is in at #53 and Zayne isn’t sure what to do with him.

A quick rollup gets rid of Zayne and Mercedes Martinez is in at #54 so Mathers comes back in (there are all kinds of people just sitting/strolling around at ringside) and is quickly fisherman’s bustered out. Surreal and Senegal (See what I mean?) come back in to go after Martinez, with Sheik joining them but getting eliminated. Surreal saves Senegal but Martinez DDTs both of them for the double elimination. DeReiss comes back in and low bridges Martinez out as Kaplan is in at #55.

Kaplan sets up doors and chairs on the floor as Manders and Stackhouse get back in. Del Sol is back in as well as Sawyer Wreck (with a bad arm) is in at #56. Kaplan misses a moonsault and gets thrown through the doors for the elimination. Wreck comes in as Brandon Kirk and Kasey Catal are in at #57 and #58.

Manders and Kirk are eliminated by their respective (romantic) partners….and then Wreck and Catal kiss. They leave together and they’re both out (Emil Jay: “Sawyer Wreck and Kasey Catal have left the building….together.”). Jordan Oliver is in at #59 to dropkick Tank out but Parrow is back in for a chokeslam. Monomoth is back in and is quickly tossed as Beastman is in at #60.

Beastman chokebombs Parrow but Stackhouse comes in and takes his shirt off, giving us a lot of jiggling. DeReiss chops at the huge Stackhouse and Beastman before tossing both of them out for the big eliminations. Viva Van is in at #61 and knocks DeReiss into the corner. The gear is hitched up for a Stinkface (DeReiss approves but feigns being knocked out when Van looks at him) but del Sol breaks it up. Van is out and Gringo Loco is in at #62.

The entrants pick up as Grim Reefer is in at #63 and tries to light a cigarette, with Parrow breaking it up. Parrow puts Reefer out and it’s Cole Radrick and Alec Price in at #64 and #65. They go after del Sol and Oliver with the former being knocked out thanks to some double teaming. Johnny Kashmere is in at #66 and we get a mini tag match with Kashmere/Oliver vs. Price/Radrick. That includes Radrick and Price both being tossed, leaving Kashmere and Oliver in the ring as Kurt Bale, Lance Scaper and Big Vin are in at #67, #68 and #69.

Vin and company get to wreck Kashmere and Oliver but can’t eliminate them as the American Giant (he’s 7’3) is in at #70. Giant gets rid of Vin and chokeslams Bale and Scaper for the double pin. There goes DeReiss as well so Parrow comes in for the staredown with Giant. Microman is in at #71 for the funny visual and Chiitan (a mascot with a big head) is in at #72.

Parrow gets rid of Giant and kicks Microman in the head but Chiitan knocks Parrow through the ropes. The Fighting Chicken (Prazak: “What in the world?”) is in at #73 and we get the big mascot staredown with Chiitan. Dr. Cube, the Hot Potato and Double Unicorn Dark (they’re kaiju from Japan) are in at #74, #75 and #76. The Chicken pecks away but the kaiju knock the mascots into the corner. Potato’s shooting star press gets two…and Aja Kong is in at #77 for the big surprise.

The Kaiju and the Chicken go after her but she knocks the three villains out and spinning backfists the Chicken for the pin. Chiitan, minus the hat, goes after Kong, who hits a spinning backfist for the pin. That gives us Parrow vs. Kong, with Parrow hitting a clothesline for the pin. Loco is back in and gets knocked out before going after Microman. Yoshihiko (a doll) is in at #78 and Stunners Kashmere out before brainbustering Oliver (just go with it) for the elimination.

Rina Yamashita (who hasn’t done anything or been seen in probably an hour and a half) comes in to piledrive Yoshihiko, who hurricanranas her out anyway. Parrow goes to throw out Yoshihiko, who throws him out instead. We get Yoshihiko vs. Microman but Nick Gage is in at #79 (announced as #87, but there’s no way I was THAT far off), the final entrant. Commentary says Gage, Yoshihiko and Microman are the final three so we’ll go with that as I lost who was still in an hour ago.

Gage hammers Yoshihiko into the corner and hits a gorilla press powerslam. The pizza cutter is whipped out but Microman makes the save. Yoshihiko crossbodies Gage but gets sent out, leaving Microman to suplex Gage. Microman pizza cutters Gage, who shoves him back down. The fans cheer for Microman, who is sat on top…but Gage misses a charge and falls out, allowing Microman to get the win at 1:57:51 (close enough as there was no opening bell).

Rating: B. Oddly enough, I had a good time with this. It’s a perfect example of “this is what we told you would be happening”, as there is nothing remotely serious about the whole thing, with stretches where there were dozens of people officially in but few were actually doing anything. This isn’t a match where it’s about the story or the action, but rather the whole atmosphere and wondering who was coming in next. This was pure, goofy fun and I had a good time with it, which is exactly what it should have been.

Overall Rating: B-. It says a lot when an eight man, four team cage match is completely forgotten but that’s the kind of show this is. This isn’t supposed to be anything more than one big party show where the fans get to see a bunch of people running out there and some semblance of a match taking place. You have to know exactly what you’re getting into, but if you can accept that, you’ll have a good time.

 

 

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Island Vibes
Date: March 30, 2023
Location: Common Space Brewery, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Megan, Aloysius Gibergenes III

Time for another promotion you have probably never heard of with All Caribbean Wrestling. It’s another case where I have no idea what is going on here but they are running a show in Los Angeles over Wrestlemania Weekend so it’s time to look. If nothing else, when are you going to see a wrestling promotion from Trinidad & Tobago? Let’s get to it.

Note that I am coming into this completely blind so I have no idea what to expect here. I’m sorry in advance for missing any story notes, character history etc. Granted this is the third event the promotion has ever presented so there isn’t much to know.

Commentary welcomes us to the show and that is as close as I can get to the man’s name. He even makes a joke about how fast he can say the it.

Jay Malachi vs. Diego Hill

Malachi (I think, as there are no graphics and the sound is far from great) jumps Hill to start but blocks the springboard cutter (the Malacutter). They bounce and flip to counter a bit more until a stomp to the back keeps Malachi down. A standing shooting star press gives Hill two but Malachi is back up with some right hands out of the corner.

Malachi gets two off a springboard clothesline (the camera cuts are REALLY weird here as one angle him pulling back for the springboard and the next showed the move landing). Hill pulls a springboard out of the air though and hits a spinning Samoan driver for the pin at 2:33. Well that was quick after a very gymnastic match.

FEW Flares Title: Mazzerati vs. Brooke Havok

This appears to be another promotion’s Women’s Title and Mazzerati is defending. Mazzerati also comes out with another, unidentified title. Havok gets stomped down in the corner and Mazzerati hits Eat Defeat from the apron. Choking with what looks to be a glove ensues and a snap suplex gives Mazzerati two but Brooke jawbreaks her way out of trouble. A basement dropkick gets two on Mazzerati but she’s right back with a rollup and trunks for the pin to retain at 4:02.

Rating: C-. This was quick and to the point but not exactly great stuff. There is only so much that you can get out of something like this as Mazzerati beat her up, got caught for a few seconds, and then cheated to win. That isn’t exactly an exciting match, though what were they supposed to do with about four minutes?

Los Nuevos Gringos Locos vs. Diablo Azteca/Rockero/???

This is under lucha rules and Locos aren’t given individual names (or maybe they did, but the sound quality on this is pretty dreadful). Rockero (thank goodness for names on boots) starts with the bald Loco and sends him to the apron. The bald one is sent outside, meaning it’s off to the big one vs. Azteca. A quick headscissors puts the big one on the floor so the one with hair (Pistolero according to his tights) comes in and gets headlocked by….I think commentary said Diaz so we’ll go with that.

The bald Loco (Fabuloso Pelon, which is apparently the nickname of a Jason Styles) gets in a cheap shot though, allowing Pistolero to hit a clothesline. Rockero comes back in and gets beaten down, only to avoid the big one’s middle rope moonsault. Everything breaks down and Rockero victory rolls the big one (Maskara Infernal) for the pin at 5:04.

Rating: C. I’m not sure which is worse: the fact that the most entertaining part of the match was trying to figure out their names or the fact that we are twenty two minutes into the match and this is the longest match so far. It was a pretty basic six man lucha match with wrestlers who aren’t that high up on the totem pole, but again, you can only be so bad or good with so little time out there. Completely watchable match if you aren’t looking for anything to blow your mind.

Commentary talks….and the camera cuts back to the ring mid-sentence. Come on they’re not that bad.

Isaiah Bronson vs. Elijah Burke

The heck is the Pope doing on this show??? Bronson is a very tall guy and shoves Burke down hard to start. A shoulder does the same as Burke needs to think this out. Burke sends him face first into the corner and hammers away, only to miss a running splash. Bronson starts working on the arm, including dropping some hard knees.

A boot to the arm cuts off a comeback attempt and Bronson lifts him by said arm for more cranking. Bronson’s chokeslam is countered into a DDT and after a breather, Burke gets to rain down some right hands in the corner. Burke gets sent to the apron but flips back in and hits a low superkick. Bronson pops back up and tries a Tombstone, which Burke reverses into one of his own. The top rope elbow gives Burke the pin at 9:26.

Rating: C+. It was definitely the best match on the show by a mile, but that could be to either the talent involved or having some extra time. Burke is clearly a lot better than anyone else around here so far and it was nice to see him get some time here. Bronson is a big enough guy that he might get a look down the road, but for now he’s just tall.

Sidenote: the camera cuts that go back or forward a second were FAR worse in that match as I kept thinking my internet was messing up. Stop doing that.

FEW Tag Team Titles: Nu Nation vs. Bollywood Boyz

The Nation (Oba Zo/Prince Agballah) is defending and the Boyz dance with the ring announcer before the champs come to the ring. Gurv and Zo start things off with the much bigger Zo shoving him down. A headlock works a bit better for Gurv and it’s off to Harv to work on the arm. The legdrop onto the arm sets up an armbar and it’s Gurv coming back in for his own armbar.

Zo finally sends him into the corner and it’s Prince coming in for a running splash. Gurv gets sent into the corner and his back is bent over Prince’s knee. Zo (whose gear looks to be inspired by Kamala’s stomach) comes back in to crank on the neck but misses a charge in the corner. The hot tag brings in Harv to clean house, including an atomic drop to put Zo down. A top rope elbow connects but Prince’s distraction lets Zo get in a belt shot to retain at 8:07.

Rating: C. The string of ok but really basic matches continues as the Boyz, who can do a bit more than this, didn’t have much to work with here. The Nation are a pair of big guys who did basic power moves while the Boyz were out there to pick up the pace. It also doesn’t help that the Boyz are some of the bigger names on the card and they might as well have been any speed team. I’m running out of ways to say “this wasn’t bad but it came and went” because that is the theme of this show.

Commentary: “What happened?” “I do not know.” I….don’t think they can make it much more obvious.

Post match the Boyz grab the mic to say the champs suck and volunteer to face them next month in Trinidad. The match seems to be made.

Intermission.

Jada Stone vs. Ameera Rose

Rose jumps her to start and the fight is on fast. Stone Matrixes away from her though and sends Rose into the corner for the running knees. Back up and Rose sends her face first into the middle buckle and gets two off a full nelson slam. Kicks to the back keep Stone in trouble but she avoids a charge. Stone misses a moonsault though and Rose suplexes her into a chinlock. Back up and Rose forearms her way out of trouble, setting up a splits Stunner for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C. And now we’re back to where we were before, with the short matches that don’t have time to get anywhere. Neither of them really stood out and it felt like another match that was there to fill in time on the card. Then again if that’s the case, you would think the match would have broken four minutes. If they can’t do more than that (though they very well could), I’m not sure why they’re on a show.

Juicy Finau/Juice Kross vs. Kimo Killer/Big Fonz

Kross (at least I think that was his name) is a martial artist. Finau, who weighs over 400lbs, powers around Kimo (again, I think that’s his name, as commentary is almost impossible to hear a good chunk of the time). Fonz (also called EOC) comes in and dropkicks Killer down, meaning it’s Finau coming back in to run him over. Double teaming doesn’t work as Finau splashes Kross by mistake, allowing Fonz to drop him with three straight clotheslines. Kross comes back in and gets kneed in the face, setting up a top rope double stomp/reverse fireman’s carry slam combination for the pin at 5:03.

Rating: C-. Finau is a rather big man who certainly stands out but the other three involved didn’t in any real way. As has been the case almost all night, this came and went so fast that nothing about it stood out. Getting four people involved in about five minutes can be done but they didn’t make it work very well here, meaning it’s another match that I’ll have forgotten about in a few minutes.

JC Storm vs. Amera

Storm has cotton candy with her. They trade fast rollups for two each until Amera (or Tower of Power as they keep calling her, despite not being very tall) dropkicks her into the corner. A running uppercut into a sidewalk slam gets two on Storm but she starts going after the back. Amera’s belly to back suplex gets a pair of near falls and some hard forearms make it worse. Storm is right back up with a ripcord Downward Spiral for the pin at 4:35.

Rating: C-. At least Amera did some power stuff to make half of her nickname make sense. The cotton candy on the other hand did nothing for Storm, which would have made things more interesting. Other than that, you had two women trading some moves, though Amera was trying with a different style.

Alan Angels vs. Malik Bosede

Angels is “representing the Design” because I can’t escape those people. They fight over a lockup with Angels taking him into the corner to get under Malik’s skin. Malik shoulders him down and grabs a rollup for two before hitting a quick Sling Blade. A twisting splash out of the corner gets two more so Angels bails to the floor, where he uses the ring skirt to trip Malik down.

Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit to slow things down. Malik fights up and hits a spinebuster, followed by a bulldog. Angels crotches him in the corner though and hits a running dropkick for two. They chop it out with Angels hitting a clothesline for two, leaving him stunned. Malik is back up with a tiger bomb though and a 450 finishes Angels at 8:39 in quite the upset.

Rating: C+. Angels is a name that some might recognize and it can mean a lot for one of the promotion’s stars to get a win like this. While I don’t think Malik is going to be on Angels’ level anytime soon, this is going to make a difference for the ACW shows in the future. It helps that it was one of the better matches on the show, which granted might not mean much.

Commentary plus the next show and we’re out.

Overall Rating: D+. You know what this felt like? A good portion of it came off like a badly written sitcom where the cast forgets that they need to put on a show and then throws everything together with an hour to go. Save for the matches with bigger names, this show didn’t feel incredibly planned out, with all kinds of stuff being cut short. The whole show runs about an hour and thirty minutes (not counting a ten minute intermission) and has nine matches. Cut out about three of those and let something else get some time and this could have been better, but for now it feels like something slapped together to meet a requirement.

There was also very little that made this feel unique, as I would expecting more from a promotion called All Caribbean Wrestling. This could have been from anywhere and you wouldn’t have noticed the difference. They also REALLY need to work on their audio, as I could barely understand the ring announcer or commentary for most of the show. You could hear their voices, but they were either low or drowned out, leaving me wondering who I was watching. It’s not the worst and nothing on it is downright horrible, but the overall presentation didn’t work, especially with some of the talented people on the card.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 6 Night Two
Date: April 1, 2022
Location: Fair Park, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Kevin Gill

It’s the second half of the show and in this case, it needs to get a pretty big upgrade over the first half. Night one was a decent enough show, but it wasn’t memorable, which is the point of a show like this. Now that being being said, this show is built around the Clusterf*** Battle Royal, which could be quite the mess. Let’s get to it.

Here is Night One if you need a recap.

We open with Joey Janela talking about beating Sean Waltman last night and wanting his flowers. He wonders why the fans hate him now but Spring Break needs a lethal dose of poison to turn it back into what it is supposed to be. This year, he is entering the Clusterf*** so he can end it once and for all. Maybe just don’t run it then?

Matt Cardona vs. Chris Dickinson

Chelsea Green is here with Cardona, who is currently the king, meaning yes he does have a Macho King crown. Green gets in an ALL HAIL THE DEATHMATCH KING and the fans are all over Cardona again. Cardona insults GCW and says they are the power couple of wrestling. Six years ago, he won the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania, but now he’s in this piece of garbage ring. If he was in WWE, like he should be, he would be celebrating his friend Mark Calaway, who he will see in the Hall of Fame one day.

Dickinson comes out with….MISSY HYATT to even things out, which is one of those names that makes this show feel fun. Both pairs share good luck kisses before the match, with Hyatt’s leaving Dickinson woozy. Dickinson wrestles him to the mat to start but Cardona is up to yell at Hyatt. That doesn’t work well for Dickinson, who grabs a cross armbreaker to send Cardona bailing to the floor.

Back in and Green grabs Dickinson’s foot for a distraction so Cardona can stomp away. After throwing his shirt at Hyatt, Cardona chokes with the wrist tape and then his hand for a bonus. The running forearm drops Dickinson again and a neckbreaker gives Cardona two. It’s already door time but Cardona spends too much time mocking the crowd, allowing Dickinson to backdrop him through the door in the corner.

The slugout is on with Cardona going to the eyes, only to get blasted with a running clothesline. The brainbuster gives Dickinson two but Green offers a distraction, allowing Cardona to nail a spear for two. Missy finally grabs Cardona’s boot and slaps Green, allowing Dickinson to hit a Death Valley Driver for two of his own.

Green offers another distraction so Cardona can hit a low blow into the Rough Ryder for two. Now it’s Green coming in and hitting Cardona with Missy’s loaded purse by mistake, allowing Dickinson to clothesline her down. The toss Razor’s Edge is enough for Dickinson to pin both of them at once at 12:43.

Rating: C+. You really can see why the GCW fans can’t stand Cardona in this run as he is one of the most annoying and obnoxious heels you could want to see. He is playing up the idea of being a big shot and that is one of the best ways to get heat from anyone. Dickinson is a decent power guy and looked good here, though Missy kind of disappeared for large chunks of the match.

Biff Busick vs. Tony Deppen

Feeling out process to start with Deppen trying to go to the mat to little success. Back up and Busick goes to the armbar, which has Deppen bailing to the ropes. Busick chops the heck out of Deppen, whose chops back have no effect. They head outside with Busick uppercutting away but a chop only hits the post. With Busick trying to shake it off, Deppen hits a flip dive off the apron and they head back inside.

Busick is fine enough to knee him down and the figure four necklock sends Deppen to the ropes again. Back up and Busick gets a little more violent by holding Deppen in place for some slaps to the face. Deppen is smart enough to go after Busick’s bad hand but Busick hits a running uppercut to take him down again.

Busick misses a charge though and Deppen hits a suicide flip dive for two back inside. Back up and the slugout goes to Busick until Deppen goes for the hand and grabs a Kimura of all things. With that broken up, Busick wins another strike off but Deppen avoids a charge in the corner. A running knee finishes Busick at 11:40.

Rating: B-. Sometimes you need two people to hit each other really hard and you got at least half of that here with Busick’s beating. Busick might not be a star in the making, but he’s an established hard hitter in the middle of the card and that should be enough to get him quite a few jobs. At the same time, you have Deppen as one of the better heels I’ve seen in a bit, as he is just straight up unlikable. Keep going with that and he’ll be fine.

Post match Deppen thanks Busick for the match but tells anyone who doesn’t believe in him what they can kiss.

Mike Bailey vs. Jordan Oliver

Bailey does his bow and they shake hands to start. Oliver does his pose so Bailey kicks him in the face and strikes away but Oliver is back up with chops of his own. Bailey’s leapfrog is countered into a faceplant and Oliver sends him outside for a big dive. Some kicks send Oliver through some chairs though and Bailey knees him in the chest.

Back in and Bailey kicks him in the chest for two, followed by the YES Kicks to make it worse. Bailey hits a running kick to the face in the corner and they strike it out again. Oliver snaps off a release German suplex and a sitout powerbomb for two but Bailey sends him outside. There’s the springboard moonsault to the floor and they strike it out on the apron.

Bailey gets the better of things and hits the moonsault knees, setting up the bouncing kicks back inside. The big kick to the head looks to set up the Ultimate Weapon but Oliver counters it with a cutter. A handspring cutter gets two so Oliver goes up, only to get pulled down with something like a One Winged Angel for the pin at 10:01.

Rating: C+. As is usually the case with Bailey, the action was good but he continues to have such a punchable face that it is hard to get into his matches. The good thing here was he didn’t have the stupid no selling that drags down every good thing he does, making this slightly easier to watch than most of his matches. Oliver has come a long way but still has a good bit to go before he moves up to the next level.

Effy says he shouldn’t be here but tonight he’ll beat Minoru Suzuki, have his own show tomorrow, and then maybe he’ll come for some gold.

Effy vs. Minoru Suzuki

Allie Katch is here with Effy. They both stick their jaws out with offers of a free shot but Effy’s attempt at a kiss gets him slapped. Suzuki slaps him down and then a kick to the face puts Effy on the floor. They head outside with Effy telling him to chop as hard as he can. That’s fine with Suzuki, who mocks Effy’s return chops.

A big boot sends Effy through the chairs and Suzuki cranks on the arm back inside. Effy tries some forearms but gets dropped with a single one from Suzuki. Then Effy bites Suzuki’s nipple and northern lights suplexes him for two. The big kiss staggers Suzuki but it’s a slap to the face and the Gotch style piledriver to give Suzuki the pin at 9:04.

Rating: C. Effy’s stuff may or may not be your cup of tea but Suzuki more or less squashed him here in a match with little to no doubt about the outcome. Effy was doing little more than comedy here so it isn’t like there was much to get annoyed about. They were going for the “wouldn’t it be funny if these two wrestled” idea here and I’ve seen worse versions.

Greatest Clusterf***

So this is basically a Royal Rumble, but only in the very loosest of terms. There are no set time intervals and I don’t believe there is a set number of entrants. I’m not going to be able to keep track of all of the eliminations, as I’ve never seen a version of this where they are all announced. This is going to be about total chaos and some surprise entrants and nothing more. You can be eliminated by pinfall, submission, over the top, leaving the building and…death?

Joey Janela is in at #1 and Buff Bagwell is in at #2 for your first surprise. Granted Buff is on a crutch but he has the American Males theme so this could be a lot worse. Janela wants to strut with him but it’s a superkick to get rid of Buff very quickly. George Gatton, with an unidentified title, is in at #3 and it’s a superkick into a piledriver to get rid of him too. Judas Judd Cassidy (I think?) is in at #4 and gets thrown over the top just as fast.

Yoya is in at #5 and suplexes Janela but gets caught in a heck of a package piledriver for the pin. Billie Starkz is in at #6 and a Gory Bomb takes Janela down but he raises knees to block her Swanton. That’s it for Starkz and it’s Juicy Finau (a big guy) in at #7. Janela can’t suplex him so Finau does it to Janela instead and it’s the even larger Sam Stackhouse, in Bam Bam Bigelow inspired gear, in at #8.

That leaves Janela to get crushed in the corner by back to back splashes but Stackhouse misses an ugly moonsault. Janela tosses both of them and it’s Rhett Titus in at #9 as Janela keeps up his Brock Lesnar-esque run. Titus wrestles him down and hits the running boot in the corner until it’s the Invisible Man in at #10.

So we have the Invisible Man, Janela and Titus with Titus and the Man slugging it out. The Man gets the better of both of them but an elbow to the face lets Janela and Titus beat him down. A double suplex lets the two of them pose but Man is back with a double low blow. The Man throws out Titus but gets stomped down until Dante Leon is in at #11. They waste no time in the next entrant with Ninja Mack in at #12.

Leon and Mack are long time rivals so they pose at each other before superkicking Janela down. A shooting star piledriver drops Mack and it’s a sick looking Jimmy Lloyd in at #13. Janela and Lloyd put on masks and they rehash their Social Distancing match, meaning they punch from a safe distance. Mack isn’t having that and kicks Lloyd down, setting up the running flip dive to drop Janela on the floor. Back in and Lloyd runs Mack over for the pin and Early Morning Guy Steele is in at #14.

Steele doesn’t seem to know what he is doing and falls off the top as Janela and Lloyd watch from the middle of the ring. Then Steele gives them a running double Blockbuster and a Canadian Destroyer each. Then he goes up top for a 450 to Lloyd, only to get rolled up for the pin from Janela. That was a weird one and it’s Blake Christian in at #15. House is cleaned but the Invisible Man hits Christian low. That earns him a dropkick and it’s Kevin Blackwood in at #16.

Blackwood’s suplex gets two on Leon and stomps on Janela in the corner until Hoodfoot is in at #17. Hoodfoot and Blackwood slug it out until Slade is in at #18. Young Dumb And Broke (Charlie Tiger and Ellis Taylor) are in at #19 and #20, giving us Janela, Invisible Man, Leon, Lloyd, Christian, Blackwood, Hoodfoot, Slade, Tiger and Taylor as this is far more organized than I was expecting. Everyone hits everyone until Deranged is in at #21 to clean house. With that going nowhere, Grim Reefer is in at #22 and has a smoke.

We now pause for everyone to partake, including Janela, who says he isn’t with AEW anymore and can do what he wants. Janela runs to the back (I don’t think he’s been eliminated but who can tell around here?) and Sandra Moone is in at #23. Reefer clotheslines her down and it’s Parrow in at #24. House is cleaned with Deranged and Reefer being eliminated almost immediately.

Big F’N Vin is in at #25 as Janela is having some Cheetos. Vin kicks Parrow out without much trouble as Janela wants to know his next spot. Nate Webb is in at #26 and comes through the crowd, who sings his theme music. Lloyd gets dropped by the Invisible Man, who hammers on Webb in the corner. Janela superkicks the Invisible Man though and tosses him out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Webb misses a charge and gets low bridged to the floor and Hoodfoot is tossed as well.

Shazza McKenzie is in at #27 and goes after Janela to start the beating. Janela gets in a shot to the face though and grabs a door, only to have McKenzie spear him through it. Janai Kai is in at #28 and Jazzy Yang (Jimmy Wang’s daughter) follows her at #29. The four women in the match stare each other down and it’s Edith Surreal in at #30. That gives us Janela, Leon, Lloyd, Christian, Blackwood, Tiger, Ellis, Moone, Vin, McKenzie, Kai, Yang and Surreal, assuming I didn’t miss any random eliminations.

Dark Sheik, another woman, is in at #31 and we have a six woman showdown. Uh make that seven as LuFisto is in at #32. Some of the guys come in to go after the women, with Leon and Taylor being tossed out. The women all beat up Tiger and toss him out with Vin joining him. Then the women get into it, with Kai kicking out LuFisto. Moone is out as well and McKenzie hits a Stunner on Kai for the elimination. Janela comes back in to superkick McKenzie for the pin and it’s Maven of all people in at #33.

Everyone stops to look at him so Maven hits a bunch of dropkicks….and then walks out for an elimination. Fans: “THANK YOU MAVEN!” With everyone else pairing off, Sean Ross Sapp, yes the dirt sheet writer, is in at #34, drawing a WE WANT MELTZER chant. Sapp gets a mic and begs people to subscribe to Fightful Select so they can read about GCW wrestlers getting fired by AEW. Josh Barnett, former UFC Heavyweight Champion, is in at #35 but fellow writer Denise Salcedo (not in the match) comes in to low blow Sapp and toss him out.

Nasty Leroy is in at #36 and Barnett blasts him with a clothesline as Jimmy Wang Yang is in at #37. Yang manages to take him down (not the prettiest but it worked) so Jazzy (remember, Yang’s daughter) comes in to grab the leg, which apparently counts as a submission to get rid of Barnett. Jazzy rolls up Lloyd for an elimination and it’s Alec Price in at #38. Price tosses Yang and dances a bit before getting kicked in the face by Jazzy. That’s enough for Price to toss her as well and it’s Cole Radrick in at #39.

Radrick and Price wind up on the apron and it’s a double elimination. Brandon Kirk is in at #40, giving us Janela, Christian, Blackwood, Slade, Surreal, Sheik, Leroy and Kirk (I think at least). Sheik hits Kirk low as we’re told Slade has left the building. Janela runs the ropes a lot until Lord Adrean (a Wal-Mart Guy) is in at #41. Adrean cleans house and Tombstones Kirk for the elimination, only to get Death Valley Drivered by Janela for another elimination. Kevin Matthews (you might remember him as KM in Impact) is in at #42 and stares it down with Leroy.

A not great looking Rock Bottom plants Matthews and a worse Rock Bottom sets up a leglock for the tap as Janela busts a gut laughing. Then Janela hits Leroy low and pins him and it’s Nick Wayne in at #43 for a brawl on the apron with Janela. Wayne superkicks Janela out for one heck of a pop and here is B-Boy to introduce Team LA Fights, which are six unnamed people. The team (Jai Vidal and Jack Cartwheel are two of them) clean house and something like a Styles Clash into a sitout powerbomb gets rid of Blackwood.

With those six in at #44-49, the Second City Crew (AJ Gray/Mance Warner/Matthew Justice/1 Called Manders and Levi Everett) are in #50-#54. The Crew cleans house with Matt Vandagriff (of LA Fights) being tossed. Damian Drake and Ju Dizz (I think) are both out with Hunter Freeman joining them. Cartwheel gets knocked out but walks on his hands until Manders chairs him down for the elimination. Vidal is tossed out and the Crew is left alone until the others still in the match come in.

Christian and Wayne get together to toss Everett and Manders. Somehow Christian and Wayne are the last two with Christian hitting a quick Downward Spiral for the pin…and never mind as yeah there are some people still left. Sheik comes in off the top with a spinwheel kick and the rest of the Crew pile onto her for the pin. Christian goes after the Crew but gets taken down and superplexed into a top rope legdrop for the pin….and that’s it at 1:23:57 (I guess Surreal was tossed somewhere in there).

Rating: C+. To be clear, this match is not about something coherent or anything more than having one name after another. That being said, this was WAY more coherent than the previous edition and that helped a lot. This felt more like a very indy Royal Rumble and, save for Surreal, no one was getting lost in the whole thing. I had a good time with this and it did fly by with some fun moments. It’s the kind of match that I was expecting from a Spring Break and it went well, especially with all of the insanity that came with it.

Overall Rating: B-. This was more like the Spring Breaks of the past and it worked out pretty well all things considered. It was a collection of some fun matches before we got to the big main event and that wound up working well. Good stuff here and it didn’t feel like a regular GCW show. While those can be fun, it’s not what I came into this wanting. The main event is all that mattered here and the other four matches were a nice bonus so we’ll call this a success.

 

 

 

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