Forgotten Cell Matches
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee, Jimmy Smith, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

This is another idea where the name says it all, which makes for an interesting situation. In this case we have the most violent match WWE has to offer but you never know which version of things you’ll be getting. I’m curious about this set as there have been so many of these things over the years that it is easy to forget some of them. Let’s get to it.

From Monday Night Raw, June 15, 1998.

Steve Austin/Undertaker vs. Mankind/Kane

Paul Bearer is here with the villains and wants Austin and Undertaker out here right now. Mankind even goes into a rhyming poem about the violence of the Cell (with the mesh ripping up your flesh) to help get them come to the ring. Austin comes out but Undertaker doesn’t show up, which seems like a ruse. Mankind goes after Austin on the floor but gets the door slammed onto him.

Kane goes after Austin and Bearer locks himself in the Cell (uh oh) as Kane gets an ugly backdrop on the ramp. And indeed the Undertaker pops up through the ring and kicks Bearer in the face as the beating is on. Kane climbs the Cell as Austin comes back to beat up Mankind.

Bearer gets sent into the cage and is busted open, with Undertaker kicking at the head as Mankind is sent into the Cell wall. Austin knocks Mankind down with a chair and goes up top to beat up Kane as the show ends. If there was an opening bell, I never heard it, but this was just a big angle anyway, with Austin never even getting inside the Cell.

From Monday Night Raw, August 24, 1998.

Mankind vs. Kane

Mankind starts throwing chairs at the roof of the Cell but they fall back onto him. Instead he climbs up but gets pulled down by Undertaker (at ringside), sending him through the table (JR: “IT HAPPENED AGAIN!”). Kane beats Mankind around ringside and slams the Cell door on his head as they both finally get inside. The door is locked and we’ll say the match officially starts.

Kane beats on him with the steps before hitting a big dive over the top for the crash. Mankind avoids the steps being tossed and chairs Kane in the head before pouring out the bag of tacks. That takes too long (of course) and Kane kicks him into the tacks, only for Mankind to come back with the Mandible Claw. The Cactus piledriver puts Kane down but he’s back up with a nasty chair shot to knock him off the top.

The chokeslam and Tombstone knock Mankind silly and Undertaker gives Kane the throat slit. Three straight chair shots to the head set up another Tombstone onto the chair but Austin comes out from under the ring to jump Kane for the….I’m thinking DQ but we’ll say no contest at 4:28.

Rating: D. Yeah that’s what Russo thought the Cell should be: nothing more than a way to build up a PPV match between Undertaker and Austin was to have the Tag Team Champions (yes Kane and Mankind were a team here) fight in the Cell. The match wasn’t even the main event of the show, as there were two more matches to go, plus part of the Brawl For All. I would say I get the idea, but I really don’t, as it’s that stupid in so many ways.

Post match Austin unloads on Kane with the chair and a Stunner as Undertaker is on top of the Cell trying to get inside. The Cell is raised (with Undertaker still on it) and Austin gives Kane another Stunner.

From Monday Night Raw, September 26, 2011 (post show dark match).

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger vs. CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio

Cena is defending and this is a match thrown together after a big beatdown of Cena and Punk ended the show. Ziggler (short hair version) and Swagger choke Punk in the corner as Del Rio beats on Cena in another corner. Swagger and Del Rio change places but Cena fights back and gets in a bulldog. Del Rio cuts Cena off again and Cena hits a Vader Bomb for two with Punk making the save (this is basically a five way match in name only as it’s basically a handicap tag).

Cena is back up with the finishing sequence to Del Rio as everyone else fights on the floor. As usual the AA doesn’t work so Punk gives Del Rio a GTS. That earns him a Zig Zag before Swagger ankle locks Ziggler. An AA to Swagger retains at 5:09. Punk’s “oh well” look as his eyes go back and forth boosts things up a lot.

Rating: C. To be fair, it’s a dark match so you can only get so mad at something like this. The point here wasn’t to blow the roof off the place or anything close, but rather just have a fun match to wrap up the night. That’s all they did and it went fairly well, though it really did just feel like a tag match for the most part.

From the June 18, 2021 Smackdown.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Rey Mysterio

Reigns (who recently attacked Mysterio’s son Dominik) is defending and has to take a chair away from a swinging Mysterio to start. A fire extinguisher to the head (spray and canister) work a bit better for Mysterio, as does a running shot with a toolbox. We take a break and come back with Mysterio striking away with a chair.

Said chair is wrapped around Reigns’ throat and sent into various things and a quick Reigns spear only hits (and breaks) table. A sunset bomb is blocked though and Reigns sends Mysterio into the Cell over and over. We take another break and come back again with a spear being countered via a dropkick.

Another spear attempt only hits post and Mysterio gets in the 619. Now the chair shots can work a bit better and Mysterio splashes the chair onto Reigns in a less than brilliant move. A chairless frog splash can connect for two so Mysterio tries the seated senton, only to get LAUNCHED into the Cell with a toss powerbomb. The cravate choke makes Mysterio tap at 17:13.

Rating: B. Believe it or not, Mysterio knows how to fight a power guy in a match where he can use weapons to even things up. This is what Mysterio has done for so much of his career and it still worked here. While Mysterio winning was a long shot, he’s enough of a legend that it just kind of barely feels possible and that’s more than enough. Not a great match, but for free TV, I’ll definitely take it.

From the June 21, 2021 Monday Night Raw (yes, the second time in four days).

Raw World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Xavier Woods

Lashley, with MVP (as canceled out by Kofi Kingston) is defending. Woods hits an early dropkick into the corner but Lashley is right back with some shoulders to the ribs. A clothesline takes Woods down again and a lifting Downward Spiral gives Lashley two. They go to the floor and fight over a chair, which Lashley punches into Woods’ face.

Back in and Woods knocks him to the floor again, with a dropkick through the ropes connecting. A chair shot knocks Lashley down on the floor and Woods gets to unload with chair shots. We take a break and come back with Lashley choking away before tying him up in the ring skirt. Woods’ comeback is cut off again and Lashley steps on his head.

Woods realizes that having his head stepped on isn’t great (sit down Tony Atlas) and kicks out the leg in a smart move. Some kendo stick shots put Lashley on the floor and a wheelbarrow faceplant gives Woods two. A springboard tornado DDT gets the same and an amazing Limit Breaker puts Lashley through a table (with Woods almost overshooting him) for two more. Back up and Lashley sends him face first into the chair in the corner, meaning the spear can connect as well. The Hurt Lock retains the title at 13:30.

Rating: C+. This is where the opponent comes into play. Woods is incredibly talented and it’s very cool to see him getting this kind of a shot. However, unlike the Mysterio match, it never once felt like the title was in jeopardy. Mysterio was a long shot, but he felt like he had a prayer. That wasn’t the case here and it gave the match a very different dynamic (and not necessarily in a bad way). Lashley was on a roll at this point though and it was clear why he was smashing through so many people.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a weird collection as “Forgotten” is kind of a misleading title (if nothing else, it’s hard to forget a match that didn’t air in the first place). It’s more like “Cell Matches At TV Shows” and one of them didn’t seem to even be a match in the first place.

There’s a reason the Cell isn’t used at TV very often, as it felt out of place here. Throw in doing it twice in four days (apparently due to the TV networks being jealous of each other (seriously) and it was kind of a weird time. That being said, it’s still fun to look back like this, as these went through multiple eras that you might have….forgotten. Ok they win.

 

 

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Summerslam 2013
Date: August 18, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,739
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a double main event tonight with a pair of smaller guys vs. big powerhouses with CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar and Daniel Bryan challenging John Cena for the World Title. This is remembered as one of the best shows in a very long time for WWE and it should be interesting to see how well it holds up. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Rob Van Dam

Ambrose is defending and there’s no Shield with him to start. Some standing switches go nowhere and Ambrose continues to look moderately displeased by the whole thing at worst. Rob is right back up with a spinning kick to the chest, meaning he can hit those finger pokes. You don’t do that to Ambrose, who chops away in the corner and stops a charging Rob with a kick to the face.

The neck crank goes on, followed by a running dropkick against the ropes to keep Rob in trouble. It’s back to the chinlock with the microphones picking up the spot calling. Rob is right back up with a kick to the face and the split legged moonsault out of the corner for two. A kick to the head breaks up the original Dirty Deeds (headlock driver) but here are Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. That brings out Mark Henry and Big Show and we take a break. Back with everyone standing at ringside and Dean dropping an elbow for two. The ECW chants bring Rob back to life but Dean sends him outside.

That means a staredown between the four on the floor with Rob managing a suplex on Dean. The spinning kick to the back on the apron has Dean in even more trouble and it’s a top rope cannonball for two back inside. Dean is right back with a spinebuster for two of his own but misses his top rope elbow. Rob has to go after Rollins instead of trying the Five Star so he kicks Dean down again. The Five Star connects but Roman Reigns comes in with a spear for the DQ at 13:40.

Rating: B-. This worked rather well and is one of Van Dam’s last good matches either in WWE or anywhere for that matter. He looked like his old self here and made Ambrose look good, even when he got the DQ win. This was still before Shield had reached their peak and they were far better as a team anyway. It got the crowd going and happened to be a good match in the process. Not bad for the Kickoff.

Here’s the Miz as your host for the evening. His task at the moment: tell us about the main events we already know. How TNA of him. We’re about to hear our first match but Fandango and Summer Rae cut him off with some dancing. Miz: “Really? Really? WELCOME TO SUMMERSLAM!”

The opening video focuses on Los Angeles and how big things happen here. Like Summerslam. That’s a nice motif and it moves into the double main event, which is indeed sounding great. Future note: the music during this video would become Akira Tozawa’s theme (not sure if that’s a Network edit or not).

Dig that pyro. Seriously with all the money they have, we can only get it at Wrestlemania and the Saudi shows?

Jojo from Total Divas sings the National Anthem. This was a plot point on Total Divas because that she needed to stretch for plot points.

Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

This is a Ring of Fire match, meaning an Inferno match with pins and submissions only. It’s also Bray’s in-ring debut, which is almost weird to imagine. Harper and Rowan are in Wyatt’s corner, as tends to be the case. The bell rings and the flames come up, going all of six inches high. Kane slugs away to start and the flames do go higher as someone lands on the mat.

Harper and Rowan get closer to the ring and the flames go WAY up to make things look a lot better. Kane hits a suplex to pop the flames again and avoids a big boot, sending Bray close to the fire. Bray’s running splash in the corner connects and he hammers away as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled so far. Back up and Kane sends him into the corner and the side slam makes the flames go up again. The chokeslam is broken up and Harper tries to throw in a kendo stick but the flames cut it off.

Cue the fireman to put the stick out, allowing Kane to hit the chokeslam. Rowan grabs the fire extinguisher to try and put out the flames but they come right back up as Kane hits another chokeslam. For some reason there’s no cover so Kane hits a third chokeslam, meaning it’s Tombstone time. Hold on again though as Harper and Rowan put a blanket over the flames and get in for the beatdown. The fans want Undertaker but settle for Sister Abigail to finish Kane at 7:49.

Rating: F. Well that was dumb. You have Wyatt getting destroyed until the goons saved him, the flames not lasting seven minutes before someone figured a way around them, and the match being dreadful until the ending. Pick two of them and you can figure out what was wrong with this one. It was a good idea on paper but the execution was a nightmare, which sums up Wyatt’s whole career.

Post match Wyatt puts on his hat and sits in the rocking chair as Harper and Rowan put Kane’s head on the steps. They pick up the other steps and crush his head for the big knockout, which looked better than most of the match. Harper and Rowan carry Kane out.

The Kickoff Show panel talks about the Wyatt Family.

On the Kickoff Show, Paul Heyman talked about how the real story of David vs. Goliath is that Goliath took the best shot and then destroyed David. Heyman has gotten both sides to agree that tonight can be No DQ so Lesnar can finish Punk for good.

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

Sandow is Mr. Money in the Bank and cost Cody the briefcase to break up their team. Before the match, Sandow talks about how there have been great pairings throughout literary history, with each pair having a lackey. Tonight, Sandow proves that he was the leader by sending Cody back to the land of clowns. Cody starts fast and hammers away before getting two off a backdrop. Sandow is right back with a suplex and a double arm crank as this is already feeling like a TV match.

An early Cross Rhodes attempt is blocked and Sandow hits the Russian legsweep into the wind-up elbow for two. Something like Edge’s Edgecation goes on but Cody kicks away without much effort. Cody catches him on top with a MuscleBuster of all things and that gets the fans into things for a change. A missile dropkick gives Cody two more and the Disaster Kick knocks Sandow silly for another two. Cody misses a charge into the post to give Sandow two but Cody snaps off Cross Rhodes for the pin at 6:39.

Rating: D. This was a case where Cody should have won the briefcase and moved up to the World Title scene but instead they went with Sandow and the whole thing flopped because no one bought him in that spot. Maybe they were planning on having Cody take the briefcase from him, but the damage was already done. It’s a case of putting too much thought into things as WWE screwed up something else.

We recap Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio for the Smackdown World Title. Alberto had put Christian on the shelf late last year and now Christian is the challenger of the month. Actually saying this is recapping Christian vs. Alberto is a little misleading as Alberto is neither seen nor mentioned in the video. I know he’s not interesting but come on now.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto is defending. They circle each other a few times until a loud kick to the leg has Christian in trouble. A headlock doesn’t do much for the champ as Christian comes back up with a right hand and a toss over the ropes. Back in and Christian gets caught on top for the running enziguri into the running kicks to the chest. It’s time to go to the arm, as tends to be Del Rio’s style.

The armbar doesn’t last long so Del Rio throws him into the air for the big crash to the mat. A top rope double stomp to the arm gets two but Del Rio misses a charge and goes crashing out to the floor. That lets Christian hit a dive off the top and they’re both down. Back in and Del Rio goes right back to the arm, because it’s a plan that works well. He deviates from said plan by going up and diving into raised boots though, allowing Christian to hammer away in the corner.

The high crossbody gets two on the champ but the Killswitch is countered into a Backstabber. Another running enziguri in the corner rocks Christian for two more but he’s fine enough to hit a middle rope elbow to the jaw. A super hurricanrana gives Christian another two and it’s time for the spear.

Since the idea of selling Christian’s spear makes anyone cringe, Del Rio dropkicks him in the face for two instead. There’s a low superkick for another two, with the fans dubbing this awesome. Eh…..it’s close but I don’t know about that. Christian hits the spear out of nowhere but the arm is banged up, allowing Del Rio to slap on the armbreaker for the tap at 12:29.

Rating: B. I can’t go all the way to awesome but this was a rather fun match with Christian throwing everything he had. That being said, I wasn’t buying a lot of the near falls as Christian never hit the Killswitch and Del Rio never won with anything but the armbreaker. Christian’s career was more or less done at this point, as he would be put out of action again in a few months and have his last comeback with his final match in March.

Post match Del Rio says he’ll be the hero Los Angeles needs. Someone get this man a big bus!

Video on Summerslam Axxess earlier in the day, complete with a women’s tag match including Marina Menunos.

Maria is here and talks about the Bella Twins freaking out about Maria saying Natalya did well on Total Divas. Cue Fandango and Summer Rae to dance but Maria and Miz do just the same, leaving Fandango and Summer looking annoyed.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

Cameron, Naomi, Eva Marie and Nikki Bella are here because this is the Total Divas match of the night. It’s weird seeing Natalya in regular gear instead of the leather she’s worn for years now. You can tell this is serious as they exchanged SLAPS on Raw. They fight over failed hiptoss attempts to start and it’s time for another slapoff. Brie has to bail to the floor to avoid the Sharpshooter so Nikki and Eva get in some cheating to take Natalya to the floor. The fans chant for JBL instead of this mess before quickly shifting over to the other announcers. Or maybe it’s an old Jerry Graham fan club.

Brie grabs the chinlock as the fans want tables. Egads the idea of the Total Divas crew trying to do something that complicated. The chinlock goes on again because that’s their best idea at the moment. Natalya fights out without much trouble but the Sharpshooter is countered with a rollup into the corner. The other four get in a fight on the floor and it’s a THIRD CHINLOCK in less than five minutes. Natalya breaks it up and, with the fans saying they want Ryder, slaps on the Sharpshooter for the win at 5:21.

Rating: D-. Any match that involves three chinlocks in less than five minutes is pretty self explanatory. There was no story here other than they were arguing about a reality show and that’s enough to get us here. The wrestling was pretty awful with the talented Natalya not being good enough to carry Brie. At least it was short, but this really had no business being on Summerslam.

Ryback, currently a bully, yells at catering about the soup being cold. It’s supposed to be, which Ryback knew of course. The soup goes down the chef’s shirt and then over his head. Ryback: “Feed me moron.” Make sure you catch his podcast so he can tell you how he came up with that entire idea and how it would have been a classic if WWE supported him.

We recap CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar. Punk was about to win Money in the Bank but Paul Heyman turned on him because Punk was nothing without him. Heyman brought Lesnar back in to destroy Punk, who had been Heyman’s friend and client for a long time. It’s a pretty easy tagline: The Best vs. The Beast. This was better than the UFC version: Former UFC Heavyweight Champion vs. The Miserable Failure.

CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

No DQ. I know I say this a lot, but a fired up Lesnar is a terrifying human being. Punk shrugs off the shoulders in the corner to start so Lesnar just does them again. The CM PUNK chants begin and you can feel the energy in this one. A heck of a beal across the ring rocks Punk and it’s time for some choking in the corner. Punk manages a kick to the head and Lesnar is rocked, followed by some running knees to put him outside.

The suicide dive connects as I can’t help but look for the baseball sized growth on his back (it’s just hard not to). Punk tries the steps but Brock knocks them right back into him without much effort. Lesnar posts himself though and Punk scores with a top rope dive to stagger him again. The clothesline off the announcers’ table connects as well but Punk makes the mistake of going after Heyman. Lesnar LAUNCHES him over the table and Cole is declaring this one over already.

Back in and Punk starts kicking at the leg so Lesnar hits him in the face (don’t make it complicated). The bearhug stays on the ribs as you can’t fault Lesnar’s plan. Punk’s escape plan: hit Lesnar in the face. See? He’s learning too. Lesnar goes right back to the ribs and the slow pace continues. Another bearhug goes on and gets broken up by more shots to the face. Punk kicks him in the ribs and goes up, only to dive into a World’s Strongest Slam (giving us a great OH DANG IT face).

Some backbreakers get two as Punk’s ribs are being destroyed and we hit the chinlock. Punk bites the ear to escape and starts striking away, setting up a top rope knee to the face to FINALLY put Lesnar down. Some running knees in the corner connect and a kick to the head sets up the Macho Elbow (almost a splash) for a hot two. The GTS and F5 are both countered so Punk kicks him in the head again.

Another GTS attempt is countered into the Kimura but that’s reversed into a triangle choke. You just don’t do that to a power guy like Lesnar though, as he turns it over into a powerbomb….which doesn’t break anything. Lesnar powers up again though, this time into a heck of a running powerbomb for the real break. The delayed cover gets two and a ticked off Lesnar rolls some suplexes for two more.

Lesnar takes his sweet time going outside so Punk can get up top for a dive. That’s blocked by a raised chair, but Punk still drives it into Lesnar at the same time. That means Punk can beat the heck out of Lesnar with the chair and it’s Punk getting fired up this time. Back in and Punk hits him low, meaning it’s time to go up top for the Macho Elbow with the chair. Lesnar can’t get up (that’s a rare shot) so Punk hits him again, leaving Heyman to take the chair.

Brock is back up and grabs the F5 but Punk grabs Heyman’s tie for the block. Punk slips out and hits the GTS with Heyman having to make a save. The chase is on and Punk runs into the F5, which is countered into a DDT for two. The Anaconda Vice goes on, but since Lesnar’s legs aren’t kicking you know it’s not a finish. Heyman tries to come in with a chair….but Punk steps onto it. A right hand drops Heyman and Punk puts him in the Vice (like an idiot). Lesnar gets in the chair shot to Punk and the F5 onto the chair is good for the pin at 25:17.

Rating: A. Oh I loved this one all over again. The one part holding it back was Heyman getting involved once too often and Punk getting stupid by putting him in the Vice (he’s way too smart to get that caught up no matter what). Other than that, this was an incredible display of the underdog (who happens to be a multiple time World Champion) going after the unbeatable monster and getting dangerously close to stopping him. I was getting into the near falls here and that says a lot given that I knew how it was ending. Awesome stuff and the blueprint for how to have a smaller guy fight Lesnar.

Punk gets the big hero’s sendoff in what would be his last great match.

A fan took a Mark Henry splash for Summerslam tickets. I’d do it too. The fan and his friends will be ringside for the next match.

Dolph Ziggler/Kaitlyn vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee

Langston and Lee turned on Ziggler so he got Kaitlyn, who lost the Divas Title to AJ, on his side for this. It’s so strange seeing Big E. as his old self. The guys start and Big E. goes straight to an abdominal stretch to take over. It’s already off to the women with AJ kicking Kaitlyn in the face for two. The sleeper on Kaitlyn’s back keeps things slow and we look at the fans eating Doritos (sponsor).

Kaitlyn fights up and brings Ziggler back in for the dropkick and rapid fire elbow drops to Big E. Since they’re just elbows, Big E. is right back up with an over the shoulder backbreaker for two with Kaitlyn making the save. A hard running shoulder in the corner only hits post, leaving Kaitlyn to hit a heck of a spear to AJ on the floor (AJ always sold that perfectly). Big E. is fine enough to try the Big Ending but Ziggler reverses into the Zig Zag for the pin at 6:45.

Rating: D+. This was nothing but a way to let the crowd calm down a bit after the instant classic and there’s nothing wrong with being in that spot. Kaitlyn’s spear looked awesome and it was always cool to see Big E. throwing humans around like they were toys. The Ziggler push was already dying around this time but somehow he would still be kicking around in big spots six years later. WWE is funny/stupid in that way.

Fandango interrupts Miz one more time so Miz lays him out. Cole: “It’s Fan-DOWN-Go.” No Cole, it isn’t.

The Kickoff Panel does what Kickoff Panels do. In this case that means picking Daniel Bryan to beat John Cena for the title.

We recap Cena vs. Bryan. Cena was given the chance to pick his challenger for this show and selected Bryan, who had worked his way up the card like few others in recent years. Management hated the idea because Bryan wasn’t good enough and tried to give Bryan a corporate makeover. Bryan refused to cut his beard though because he was going to be himself. HHH, who has seemed to favor Bryan, is guest referee. Bryan and Cena have played up the sports entertainment vs. wrestling deal, which is exactly what this match should be about.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is challenging with HHH as guest referee. Cena is also sporting a massive growth on his elbow, which was leaving him desperately in need of surgery because it’s the size of a baseball. Bryan isn’t getting the superstar pops yet but he’s cheered more than Cena. We get the Big Match Intros and I had forgotten about Bryan’s THE BEARD IS HERE shirt. Cena grabs a headlock to start as they have a ton of time here.

Bryan rolls out with no trouble and it’s an early standoff. Back up and Cena tries a test of strength, which is blocked by a bridge. The YES Lock attempt sends Cena bailing to the floor and he tells the doctor that his arm is fine. Back in and Bryan takes him down into the surfboard knee stomp as Cena is in way over his head with the wrestling. Therefore, he runs Bryan over for a knock to the floor because power is his best bet. Cena follows him outside but gets sent into the steps, only to manage a suplex off the steps to put Bryan down again.

Back in and Cena whips him hard into the corner as Bryan has no answer for the power game just yet. A Batista Bomb gives Cena two and the chinlock goes on. Bryan fights up and forearms away, setting up some kicks in the corner to put Cena on defense again. The running clothesline drops Cena and you can feel the fans’ energy picking up. The YES Kicks connect but, as usual, the big one misses and Cena fires off the shoulders.

Cena takes too long with the Shuffle though and gets kicked in the head, only to come back with the ProtoBomb. Now the Shuffle connects but the AA doesn’t work just yet. Instead Bryan hits a missile dropkick for two as they’re going back and forth very well here. Over ten minutes in, Bryan finally goes after the BIG FREAKING BULGE on his arm to take over. Cena tries the STF but Bryan kicks away and grabs one of his own. The rope is grabbed so Bryan hits a pair of German suplexes for a pair of twos.

Now it’s off to the YES Lock but Cena slips out, earning himself a guillotine choke instead. That’s countered with a backdrop into the corner (cool) and they’re both down for a second. Cena grabs the AA out of nowhere for two and they’re down a bit longer. With nothing working, Cena goes up but Bryan catches him with the running forearms to stagger him. Bryan superplexes him down but hangs on to stay up top for a cool visual.

The Swan Dive connects for two so Cena runs him over with the clothesline for two of his own. Cole mentions that HHH is referee, marking the most significant HHH portion of the match over twenty minutes in. Cena’s super AA is blocked by elbows to the head but Cena blocks the super hurricanrana. That means jumping down and dropping Bryan on top of his head in a botch I had forgotten about so the cringing is strong. The STF goes on with Bryan rolling over to take off some of the pressure.

Bryan manages to reverse into the YES Lock until Cena makes the rope. The running corner dropkicks have Cena in more trouble so he comes out of the corner with the hard clothesline to turn Bryan inside out. The slugout it on until they both hit flying shoulders for another double knockdown. Bryan wins the next slugout but the moonsault out of the corner is caught on Cena’s shoulders. That’s countered into a DDT and they’re both down again. Bryan tries a high crossbody but gets caught in the AA. It’s reversed again and Bryan kicks him in the head, setting up the debuting running knee for the pin and the title at 26:54.

Rating: A+. I go back and forth on which of the two big matches I like more and this time around I liked the story that much more. Bryan debuting the running knee to win is still one of my favorite things in a long time as it came out of nowhere and makes the move look devastating right off the bat. They had a great battle of styles here with both guys sticking with their respective specialties until Bryan broke down the machine through heart and determination, plus some awesome strikes. I had a great time with this one and it was one of the best matches I’ve seen in a good while.

Post match Cena hands him the title and leaves, likely straight to the hospital to get that thing out of his arm. The confetti falls and pyro goes off….and here’s Randy Orton with the other Money in the Bank briefcase, because we needed two of them. Orton does the big staredown, teases leaving, turns back around…and HHH lays Bryan out with the Pedigree to turn full heel.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is defending as well as out so Orton wins the title in eight seconds. There’s your major story over the next eight months and yes I still believe that Bryan winning the title at Wrestlemania was the plan all along (details to be determined).

Overall Rating: A-. This is one of those shows where the good is excellent and the rest just exists. That being said, with the two awesome main events and a rather good Del Rio vs. Christian match, you have a seven match card (leaving out the cash-in match) with three of them receiving some rather high praise. That’s about as good as you can get and it’s one of the better shows in recent memory. Yeah the other four matches range from bad to rather bad, but their times combined are about equal to the main event. Excellent show and worth your time (as in less than three hours) to see.

Ratings Comparison

Rob Van Dam vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: B-
2014 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: D+

2019 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Kane

Original: D+

2014 Redo: D

2017 Redo: F+

2019 Redo: F

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

Original: C

2014 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C+

2019 Redo: D

Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

Original: B+

2014 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B

2019 Redo: B

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

Original: F

2014 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: D-

2019 Redo: D-

Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk

Original: A+

2014 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A

Big E. Langston/AJ Lee vs. Dolph Ziggler/AJ Lee

Original: C-

2014 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D+

2019 Redo: D+

Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena

Original: A+

2014 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

2019 Redo: A+

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: N/A

2014 Redo: N/A

2017 Redo: N/A

2019 Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: A-

2014 Redo: A

2017 Redo: A-

2019 Redo: A-

Was I in a really bad mood when I watched the Kickoff Show in 2017? And I’m all over the place with Cody vs. Sandow. Other than that, it’s pretty much the definitive set of ratings here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 2012
Date: August 19, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,205
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So Brock Lesnar is back and someone has to stop him. Naturally in this case that means HHH, who is still one of the most important people in the company. Lesnar broke HHH’s arm so HHH is back in the ring to get some revenge. That is pretty much the entire focus of the show, along with the required World Title matches. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Santino Marella vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro (and yes, Antonio Cesaro), with Aksana, is challenging and gets to say “greatest” in five languages before his match (and yes, we were supposed to be surprised when this didn’t get over). They grapple to the mat to start and Marella can actually hang with him down there, followed by a judo throw to bring Cesaro down.

Cesaro breaks out of an armbar without much trouble but Marella is already loading up the Cobra. That’s not happening either so Cesaro takes him to the mat for a chinlock with a knee in Marella’s back. Marella gets up and suplexes Cesaro down but the Cobra is ripped up. Marella fights back and pulls out another Cobra, only for Aksana to offer a distraction. The Neutralizer gives Cesaro the pin and the title at 5:09.

Rating: C. That’s all it should have been as Cesaro wasn’t going to be in any danger against a joke like Marella. The point in putting the title on Marella was to have him lose it in dominant fashion against a big threat and that’s what we got here. The match was nothing of note but that wasn’t the point, as Cesaro basically mauled him in the end.

The opening video looks at the history of Summerslam before shifting to Lesnar vs. HHH. The other matches are basically ignored, as this is all that matters.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Ziggler is Mr. Money In The Bank and has Vickie Guerrero with him while Jericho only has bad ribs (thanks to Ziggler on Smackdown). Ziggler bails out to the floor to start so Jericho gives chase, setting up a running elbow to the jaw back inside. With the running stuff not working, Ziggler gets smart by going after the ribs to take over. An ax handle to the ribs gets two but Jericho is back up with a backdrop to the floor (with a heck of a bump from Ziggler).

Jericho does the Hogan hand to the ear but misses the triangle…well it wasn’t going to be a dropkick even if it hit. Back in and Ziggler takes him down into some kind of a rib stretch, followed by a Stinger Splash for two. A neckbreaker lets Ziggler mock the arrogant cover for two more but another Stinger Splash misses. Jericho hits the middle rope ax handle but gets sent into the corner again, allowing Ziggler to hit the Fameasser for two.

The enziguri gives Jericho two of his own but Ziggler is right back with a rather messy looking sleeper. That’s broken up (because it’s a sleeper) so Jericho catches him on top with a super hurricanrana and they both crash down. The running DDT gives Ziggler two and the Zig Zag gets the same, leaving Vickie screaming on the floor.

Back up and Jericho hits a quick Codebreaker but Ziggler rolls out to the floor. Vickie grabs the leg so Jericho can get two off a small package, leaving her screaming again. The Liontamer makes Ziggler tap at 13:04. This is described as Jericho “winning the big one” at Summerslam and….really? He’s won matches at Summerslam before but THIS is the big one?

Rating: B-. The match was fine as you would expect, but I’m not buying this being Jericho winning “the big one” at Summerslam. Jericho is a former multiple time World Champion and has main evented Wrestlemania. Having him win an opener against someone like Ziggler doesn’t feel like a major accomplishment, but rather just something he happens to be doing here.

We look at Brock Lesnar breaking Shawn Michaels’ arm on Raw, which even Paul Heyman thinks might be too far.

Heyman announces that HHH has talked the referee into letting them go a bit further tonight. Lesnar says HHH is in a fight he can’t win, with Heyman saying the two words are “tap out”.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

So they’re both having trouble dealing with anger, including Bryan being VERY angry that the fans are cheering for him, even if it’s more mocking this time. Bryan kicks away at the ribs to start before moonsaulting over Kane, who plants him with a slam. The basement dropkick gets one and Kane throws him hard out to the floor. Bryan gets in a shot on the floor though and the missle dropkick gets two back inside.

The fans get to Bryan again but he fires off the YES Kicks anyway. The big kick to the head misses (as it almost always does) though and Kane drops him with a hard clothesline. Kane’s side slam gets two as the loose string on his boot is driving me crazy. There’s the top rope clothesline for two but Bryan escapes the chokeslam and bails outside.

Back in and Bryan hits him in the face, which goes about as well as you probably expect. Bryan goes for the arm though and now the big kick to the head connects. The top rope headbutt is countered into a chokeslam but the Tombstone is countered into a small package (ignore Kane’s shoulder being up) for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: C+. This was another fun one, as Bryan gets to work in his small package, which has been a near trademark for him over the years. The double anger management thing was a good touch and the two of them worked well together in any capacity. If nothing else, this was a lot better than the rumored deal with Charlie Sheen for Bryan, as he and Kane would wind up having a heck of a run together as a team shortly after this.

Post match Kane stalks Bryan to the back, shouting WHERE IS HE and breaking various things (including Josh Matthews).

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Mysterio, as Batman, is challenging but Miz tops him by bringing back the awesome AWESOME balloons for his own entrance. Miz gets in an early knockdown to start so Mysterio grabs a rollup for two, sending him outside. They trade spots a few times, allowing Mysterio to dropkick him through the ropes.

Back in and Miz fires off some kicks, setting up a torture rack dropped into a backbreaker for two. A kick to the head gives Miz two and we hit the cravate. Miz hits a clothesline from his knees for another near fall but Mysterio catches him up top. The top rope seated senton starts the comeback but Miz is right there with a snazzy slingshot sitout powerbomb. Mysterio is back up with a 619 so he tries to Drop The Dime, which is pulled out of the air. That’s reversed into a cradle for two but Miz is right back with the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin to retain at 9:09.

Rating: C+. This was a match that could have been on any given Raw and again that’s not exactly Summerslam worthy. I can always go for the Miz, but this was just he and Mysterio having a match which came and went without doing much of anything. Totally fine and watchable stuff, but for a Monday night in the middle of May, not at the Staples Center at Summerslam.

Eve Torres and Teddy Long think Raw GM AJ Lee is a bit nuts. They leave and CM Punk goes in to see Lee, saying that he doesn’t like being in a triple threat for his title. Punk thinks it’s because he turned down her proposal (Lee was….something at this point), though Lee won’t say anything. He says that’s rather disrespectful, but promises to defend the title tonight. Then tomorrow on Raw, she’ll be forced to show him respect. Lee continues to look off into space and not say a word as Punk leaves.

We recap Alberto Del Rio challenging Sheamus for the Smackdown World Title. Del Rio said Sheamus was beneath him and wanted the title, which is the entire point of the feud. Sheamus stole Del Rio’s car and drove it around San Antonio before leaving the car a mess. Del Rio teased getting Sheamus arrested but had fake cops beat Sheamus up instead. The match was still on for Summerslam.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus

Sheamus is defending and Ricardo Rodriguez is here with Del Rio (ok I had forgotten how good the personalized ring announcing can be). They start fast and go to the floor, with both of them being sent into a hard object. Back in and Del Rio kicks him in the head, followed by another one to the bad arm to put Sheamus in trouble. The cross armbreaker is easily countered into the Regal Roll for two but Del Rio kicks him in the arm again.

Another cross armbreaker attempt is cut off but the Brogue Kick misses as well. Del Rio knocks him outside, followed by a top rope chop to the head for two back inside. More kicks have Sheamus in trouble but he fights up with the raw power. Del Rio goes right back to the arm to knock him out of the air though and the cross armbreaker finally goes on.

That’s broken up with quite the powerbomb, followed by White Noise for two. The Brogue Kick is blocked so Sheamus hits the ten forearms to the chest. Del Rio kicks him in the head for two so Rodriguez throws in a shoe. That’s intercepted and Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for the pin, but Del Rio’s foot is on the rope…and it doesn’t matter as Sheamus knocks it off and gets the win at 11:23.

Rating: B-. This is a basic story that makes perfect sense, but that doesn’t make it interesting. I remember watching this feud as it played out and there was never a moment where I felt invested in the story. It’s just Sheamus having matches with someone who felt beneath him and that wasn’t going to work. The stuff with the car was fine, but Del Rio didn’t feel like a threat to win the title, which sums up a lot of the issues he had after around 2011 or so.

Sheamus’ “oh well” shrug and smile are great. Del Rio blames Rodriguez for the loss and walks out.

Earlier today, HHH told the referee to let he and Brock Lesnar fight tonight.

Tag Team Titles: Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

Kingston and R-Truth are defending. The serious R-Truth jumps Young to start and hammers away. Young drives him into the corner though and hands it off to O’Neil for some barking. A front facelock slows R-Truth down but he’s back up with a kick to the face. Kingston comes in to clean house, including the Boom Drop to O’Neil.

The chase around the ring goes badly for Kingston though as a cheap shot lets the villains take over. O’Neil suplexes Young onto Kingston for two. Commentary discusses Little Jimmy’s parentage as O’Neil puts on an abdominal stretch. That’s broken up and it’s back to R-Truth as everything breaks down. Young grabs a rollup for two but walks into Little Jimmy for the pin to retain at 7:03.

Rating: C-. If there has been a recurring theme on this show, it’s “this doesn’t feel like it belongs on Summerslam” and this match is the poster child for those issues. This would have been dull on any given edition of Raw and it wasn’t any better here. I get that you need a bit of a breather between two of the bigger matches, but as usual, the Tag Team Titles do not feel remotely important. It’s not the wrestlers’ fault as they had a decent enough match, but dang this felt out of place.

We look at WWE taking over Los Angeles.

We recap CM Punk defending the Raw World Title against John Cena and Big Show. Punk got tired of the lack of respect despite being World Champion and turned evil by attacking Cena. In addition, Show has been knocking people out to keep himself involved as well. Rather kooky General Manager AJ Lee made it a triple threat to torment Punk, who is all about getting respect.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Punk is defending. Show drops both of them to dominate early and hits the big chops. A double suplex sends Cena and Punk flying and Show knocks Cena outside. Back up and Punk gets smart by kicking the leg out as the fans are rather pro-Punk. Cena comes back in and gets kicked down for two, only for Show to stand on Punk’s back. Show sends Cena outside again and pulls a springboarding Punk out of the air to plant him down.

Back in and Cena gets speared down for two, setting up a Vader Bomb. Punk moves out of the way so Cena gets fully crushed, leaving Punk to be chokeslammed against the ropes. The side slam plants Cena as this has been almost all Show. Cena is back up with the ProtoBomb to drop Show but Punk is right there to break up the Shuffle. Punk drops a top rope elbow for two, with the kickout sending him flying.

Another kick to the head sets up a Koji Clutch, which is broken up in short order. Cena gets Show in the STF but it’s countered as well. Punk gets the Koji Clutch on Show again but Cena adds the STF and Show taps at 12:34. Punk and Cena both celebrate but there’s no ruling. Cue AJ Lee to say restart the match, so Show chokeslams both of them for two each. The KO Punch misses though and Cena gives Show the AA, only to be thrown outside so Punk can steal the pin to retain at 14:28.

Rating: B-. Show looked dominant, but the double submission took a lot of that away in a hurry. I didn’t even remember this match taking place here and that’s because, and I hate to sound like such a corrupted mp3 (because my goodness it’s time enough to get a new metaphor) but this isn’t something that felt worthy of being on Summerslam. It’s just another triple threat that feels like what you do when you don’t have a good enough idea. AJ being all crazy and messing with Punk is fine, but find a better way to do it.

Celebrities are here!

We look at the new WWE movie, the Day. It had no wrestlers in prominent roles, got bad reviews and made $20,000 in theaters.

We look at Cesaro winning the US Title on the pre-show.

Kevin Rudolph sings the theme song. Were we really short on time here or something? Various WWE women come out to dance, with Michael Cole doing the same on commentary.

We recap HHH vs. Brock Lesnar. Basically Lesnar had a bunch of demands, like a looser schedule, Vince McMahon’s private jet and more money, but HHH said no chance. Lesnar broke HHH’s arm and a few months later, the match was set for Summerslam. This led to an almost bizarre visual of Stephanie McMahon arguing with Paul Heyman, which might have been even more entertaining. Lesnar responded by breaking Shawn Michaels’ arm as well and the match was on.

HHH vs. Brock Lesnar

The rules are slightly relaxed here and Lesnar has Paul Heyman with him. Lesnar powers him into the corner to start but the Kimura is blocked. HHH clotheslines him to the floor and hits the running knee to put Lesnar down for a breather. Another clothesline puts Lesnar on the floor and Heyman tells him to slow it down. Back in and Lesnar takes the gloves off before knocking HHH outside.

The previously broken arm is dropped onto the announcers’ table as HHH is in trouble. Back in and HHH slugs away but gets cut off with a German suplex. They go back outside and the bad arm is sent into the steps. HHH gets sent over the announcers’ table, followed by a hard clothesline back inside.

HHH fights back and tries the Pedigree but gets sent back to the floor, with the arm getting banged up again. Lesnar goes after him but HHH sends him ribs first into the announcers’ table, leaving Lesnar in trouble. Back in and HHH fires off the knees to the ribs, followed by the spinebuster. The Pedigree gets two so Lesnar hits him low for a breather. The F5 gives Lesnar two (Heyman: “WHAT DOES IT TAKE?”) so the Kimura goes on. That’s broken up and HHH hits another Pedigree, only to get caught in the Kimura for the tap at 18:43.

Rating: B. I guess you can call this the match of the night, as it’s the only match on the show that was treated as a big deal. It wasn’t exactly in doubt as HHH isn’t going to beat Lesnar at Summerslam (he would of course save that for Wrestlemania), which left this as kind of an “ok, and then what?” feeling. The stuff with the arm worked as a story, but it was a question of how Lesnar would win rather than would he win.

Post match Lesnar and Heyman leave, with HHH doing the big dramatic stand as the fans cheer for him. HHH: “I’m sorry.” Somehow this feud would continue for about eight more months, with HHH winning at Wrestlemania (of course) and Lesnar beating him at Extreme Rules to wrap it up and finally move on to something new.

Overall Rating: C+. The show isn’t bad as a whole, but there is a reason I saw this on the list and could barely remember anything about it. Outside of the main event, this is as nothing of a Summerslam as you’ll ever find, with pretty much nothing important happening here. So much of this show feels like it’s setting up something else for later and that’s not what I’m wanting out of one of the biggest events of the year. I get the idea of building off of this, but there was just nothing going on here and it’s a totally forgettable show as a result.

 

 

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Summerslam 2010
Date: August 15, 2010
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,178
Commentators: Matt Striker, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is the Nexus show, as the main event is an elimination tag between Team WWE and the Nexus. The evil group has been ransacking the company all summer and it’s time for John Cena to stand up to them for good. Why the big elimination tag is at Summerslam instead of Survivor Series isn’t clear but not a lot about this story went well. Pretty much nothing else matters on this show so let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about change, which can come in a variety of forms. The show’s three main matches all get a look, with the big elimination tag getting the major focus, as it should.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Ziggler, with Vickie Guerrero, is defending. Guerrero says EXCUSE ME and has something to say, but Kingston cuts her off and we’re ready to go. They start fast with Kingston getting the better of things but Guerrero pulls Ziggler out of the way of a dive, sending Kingston crashing down hard. Back in and the chinlock doesn’t last long for Ziggler and he kicks Kingston back into the corner.

A Hennig necksnap gives Ziggler two and it’s off to a reverse chinlock. Kingston can’t fight out and we get to continue this thrilling hold. Back up and Ziggler misses a splash in the corner, allowing Kingston to start firing back for a bit. Kingston’s high crossbody is rolled through for two and Ziggler gets the same off a Fameasser. Trouble In Paradise misses though and Ziggler gets his sleeper…and the Nexus runs in to lay them both out for the no contest at 7:05.

Rating: C+. The match had some moments but there is only so much you can do in what was basically a Raw match. A good chunk of those seven minutes were spent in Ziggler’s chinlock and that didn’t make for the most thrilling star. The good thing is that these two fought so many times that they could have a nice match in their sleep, but they were in a tough spot here.

Post match Nexus lays Kingston out with ease. Wade Barrett calls that a preview for what is in store for Team WWE tonight. Team WWE is looking for a seventh member but anyone they pick won’t make a difference. The locker room is such a mess that they couldn’t get together to sign a birthday card, let alone form a cohesive unit. On the other hand, Nexus is united and ready to fight.

Chris Jericho tries to get Miz (Mr. Money In The Bank and the US Champion) to join Team WWE. Edge, already on the team, enjoys a Slim Jim and says tonight is about seizing the ultimate opportunity. Miz isn’t sure if he wants Nexus on his plate, but he’ll take that Slim Jim.

Divas Title: Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Fox is defending, it’s the Raw Women’s Title at this point and this is the Ariane Special. Melina pushes her into the corner to start but Fox is right back with a rather impressive headlock takeover. That’s broken up and Melina stomps her down, followed by some double knees in the corner.

Melina grabs a flapjack but her knee is banged up, though she’s fine enough to snap off a superkick. Fox sends her into the post and things slow down again, with Fox then kicking her in the arm. Not the leg, which is hurt and was hurt before, but the arm, because of course. Commentary tries to make sense of it but Melina is back up with a rollup for two to get them out of that mess. Melina shrugs that off, hits a dropkick and grabs what would become known as a BFT for the title at 5:23.

Rating: D+. Shockingly enough, this really didn’t work, as the title was in a rather terrible place at this time. Melina was talented, but there is only so much you can do when you have her bad knee right there and Fox goes after the arm. On top of that, the match was another one that belonged on Raw, which doesn’t make it that much better.

Post match Melina is asked about her win for the sole purpose of having Laycool (with their broken title) interrupt. They mock Melina’s looks and then go to REAL TALK because there are three champions in the ring at the moment. Layla says that Melina has cellulite (which McCool doesn’t understand) so they tease some photos, with Melina trying to fight both of them off. As usual it works for awhile but the numbers get the better of her. Fox gets back Sup to go after Melina and gets taken out by Laycool as well.

We recap Big Show unmasking the bald CM Punk (who sold it like he was being dropped into a vat of boiling butter). This sent Punk and his Straightedge Society after Show, with the team crushing Show’s hand. I think you know where this is going.

Straightedge Society vs. Big Show

Serena is here with the Society (and Punk’s I BROKE BIG SHOW’S HAND is a great touch). Show has a big surprise of his own though: the hand is totally fine. Mercury charges at Show to start and is knocked down just as quickly. Gallows gets one heck of a loud chop and Punk wants a meeting before facing Show himself.

This results in Mercury and Gallows getting thrown outside and now Punk realizes he’s in trouble. Serena’s distraction works for a bit but Punk can’t stomp the hand on the steps again. Instead Show chops the steps by mistake (that’s on him for being dumb), allowing the rest of the Society to jump him at once. The group beatdown is on but Show shrugs them off without much trouble and clears out Gallows and Mercury.

Punk kicks his way out of a chokeslam and avoids a charge in the corner. The running knees in the corner stagger Show and a double DDT gets two, with the kickout sending Mercury all the way back to the floor. Punk hammers away but gets caught in a fireman’s carry. The other two try to go after Show, earning Punk a dump over the top. That’s enough for Punk, who leaves with Serena, as Show chokeslams Mercury onto Gallows for the double pin at 6:49.

Rating: C+. This was a nice way to keep the feud going, as the whole point is to see Show get his hands on Punk. We got a taste of that here and it worked out well enough, though it would be nice to see something important actually happen on this show. That is kind of the point of Summerslam yes?

Smackdown World Champion Kane is ready to end Rey Mysterio and slams a casket shut. Raw World Champion Sheamus comes up to say the casket is too big for someone like Mysterio. It’s perfect for Randy Orton though so maybe Sheamus can use it after his match. Kane: “No.” Sheamus says he’s being called the real Big Red Machine around here so Kane threatens to disembowel him. That’s enough for Sheamus to leave after a rather intense comeback from Kane.

Here is Miz for an unscheduled chat. Striker thinks it might be to cash in his Money In The Bank and Cole thinks that’s a great point. Lawler points out that there’s no champion out here and that’s shut down rather quickly. Anyway Miz asks if he should join Team WWE because a lot of people in the back think he should. The team has been begging him to join for weeks because they understand that he is the future.

Bret Hart has called him the excellence of execution, R-Truth wrote him a bad rap and he’s shown that he was the Shawn Michaels to John Morrison’s Marty Jannetty. So is he joining Team WWE? Yes. Miz loads up his catchphrase but gets annoyed at the fans wanting to do it with him. Now the catchphrase can be completed. Cole freaking out over Miz being the big savior is great.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Sheamus for the latter’s World Title. Orton is on a roll and wants his World Title back from Sheamus, who won it earlier this year thanks to some Nexus interference. He has his shot, but if Orton loses, he never gets another shot at Sheamus.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and if anyone interferes, they’re suspended. Feeling out process to start with Sheamus posing at him, earning quite the stomping down into the corner. Orton’s running clothesline out of the corner lets him stomp away for two and another clothesline drops Sheamus again. They fight outside with Orton knocking him over the barricade but noticing the count and getting back inside in time.

The stomping gets two more and they go outside again, with Orton whipping him into various things. Sheamus reverses a hard whip into the steps though, which is finally enough for a breather. Back in and Sheamus hammers away, setting up the reverse chinlock. A suplex gets Orton out of trouble but the hanging DDT is broken up with a rather nasty backdrop. Sheamus ax handles him down for two and goes after the arm. Granted not the arm that went into the steps but it’s better than Alicia Fox.

Sheamus goes for the armbar but misses a charge into the post, allowing Orton to knock him down for two, with the bad arm making it a weak cover. Orton fights back and hits the powerslam before Sheamus misses a charge into the post. The arm is fine enough to catch Orton in the Irish Curse but the Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus crashes out to the floor.

Back in and the hanging DDT connects and the fans go nuts as Orton goes into flopping like a fish mode. The RKO is shoved away to give Sheamus two though and the Brogue Kick connects…for two more. With the frustration setting in, Sheamus goes to get a chair and shoves the referee for the DQ at 18:56.

Rating: B-. Yeah it was ok, with the result not being the greatest as Orton wins, meaning he can get another title shot. At the same time it was only a pretty good match, with the fans going nuts for Orton but not much going on until the last few minutes. Again, it feels like something setting up another match down the road and that’s not what I want from Summerslam.

Post match Sheamus takes too long loading up the chair and gets kicked low, allowing Orton to use said chair. They go outside with Orton clearing off the announcers’ table for the RKO onto (not through) the table. Orton leaves and Sheamus can barely move so the fans want Miz and get….nothing.

We recap Kane defending the Smackdown World Title against Rey Mysterio. Someone has attacked the Undertaker and Kane has sworn to find out who did it. Kane attacked various people before naming Mysterio as the attacker. Mysterio denied it but is fine with getting the title shot anyway. Then Mysterio said Kane was the attacker, which Kane angrily denied. This doesn’t sound like it is going to end well.

Smackdown World Title: Kane vs. Rey Mysterio

Kane is defending and wheels out a casket, with promises to put Mysterio in it after the match. Mysterio picks up the pace to start and misses an early 619. Instead Kane sends him rolling to the floor but Mysterio is back up with a dive off the apron. Back in and Kane’s arm gets snapped over the top rope, only for Kane to knock him off the top.

Mysterio gets sent ribs first into the post for a nasty crash and Kane drives him back first into the post a few times to make it worse. A whip into the corner gives Kane two (with an odd hook of the inside leg) and he slaps on the bearhug. Mysterio fights out and is promptly clotheslined right back down. Back up and Mysterio manages a top rope headbutt from the top (nice) but gets backbreakered for two more.

Kane gets caught going up and something like a Destino, followed by a tornado DDT give Mysterio two each. Mysterio Drops The Dime for two and kicks Kane in the head for two more, leaving they’re both down. Back up and Kane opens the casket, which is empty, allowing Mysterio to fail at the 619. Kane kicks him into the casket so Mysterio fights out and closes the casket, followed by a springboard dropkick. Now the 619 can connect but Kane boots him in the face. The chokeslam retains the title at 13:32.

Rating: C+. This got going better near the end but they were all but saying that Mysterio was just a warm body to give Kane something to do before Undertaker came back to fight Kane. Mysterio knows how to fight a monster and the match wasn’t bad, but much like a lot of other things on this show, it didn’t feel important and that’s not a good thing. At least they didn’t go too long though.

Post match Kane promises Mysterio eternal punishment and opens the casket, revealing…nothing. You can hear the fans sounding disappointed but Mysterio fights back and Kane closes the casket again (there it is). A chokeslam and Tombstone plant Mysterio so Kane opens the casket again…and NOW Undertaker is inside to give the show a big moment.

Undertaker looks very shaky (remember that he’s recovering from a major attack) and Kane looks terrified. Undertaker gets in Mysterio’s face and asks if he has ever heard of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. He asks Mysterio why he did it but Mysterio swears it wasn’t him.

With a grab of the neck, Undertaker says he believes Mysterio and then does the throat slit, only to turn to face Kane. Well yeah, of course it was Kane. Undertaker grabs Kane by the throat but he’s still weak, allowing Kane to fight back and beat him down. This would result in Kane actually beating Undertaker twice in a row, including in the Cell (which was the last time the World Heavyweight Title headlined a PPV for over three years).

We look at WWE’s charity stuff, plus a Summerslam Axxess.

We recap the main event. Nexus arrived in June and has turned into an unstoppable force. John Cena has led the charge for WWE (shocking isn’t it) and joined forces with a bunch of people to fight back in the form of an elimination tag (which is odd as Bragging Rights and Survivor Series were coming up in a few months).

Anyway, Team WWE had problems, with some of the quitting along the way. Great Khali has been taken out and didn’t have a seventh member until tonight. Chris Jericho and Edge quit and rejoined the team as well and Miz joined earlier so things are even. Well as even as it can be with David Otunga and Michael Tarver on a team.

Team WWE vs. Team Nexus

WWE: John Cena, Edge, Chris Jericho, Bret Hart, R-Truth, John Morrison, The Miz
Nexus: Wade Barrett, Skip Sheffield, Darren Young, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Michael Tarver

Elimination rules and dang We Are One is a catchy song. Miz comes out last but hold on as Cena says wait a minute. Cena declares that Miz is too late because he already has a seventh man. The team has agreed to this because it is someone who hates Nexus as much as them…and it’s the returning Daniel Bryan (Cole LOSES IT, almost as much as anyone on WWE.com earlier in the day lost it when they spoiled Bryan’s return by mistake). The brawl is on before the bell and Nexus is cleared out with ease as Barrett has to calm everyone else down. Bryan kicks Young down to start and the LeBell Lock gets the tap at 43 seconds.

As commentary points out, that’s the first time Nexus doesn’t have the numbers advantage and it’s off to Gabriel, who gets elbowed in the face by Jericho. R-Truth comes in for something like a Stunner for two but Gabriel kicks him down. It’s off to Tarver to hammer R-Truth into the corner but Morrison gets the tag, along with a Flying Chuck. Starship Pain gets rid of Tarver at 3:35 and it’s already 7-5.

Nexus has a meeting on the floor and it’s Sheffield (Ryback) coming in to shove Morrison down. Back up and Morrison slaps him in the face, earning himself a hard powerslam. Morrison is whipped hard into the corner and suplexed down even harder for another near fall. A kick to the back of the head from the apron cuts off Morrison’s comeback and Sheffield lariats him for the pin at 7:32. R-Truth comes in and gets lariated down as well for the pin to tie it up at 8:00.

Jericho comes in for a quick shot but is knocked into the corner with Otunga getting to come in for a slam. Jericho fights out of the corner though and hands it off to Hart, who gets quite the reaction as he beats on Slater in the corner. An atomic drop and clothesline set up the Sharpshooter but Nexus sends in a chair. Sheffield comes after Hart, who grabs the chair and blasts Sheffield, which is a DQ (I wonder if Hart was unable to take a bump, which if true is perfectly fine) at 12:08.

Hart yells a lot before leaving, with Jericho’s Codebreaker and Edge’s spear finishing Sheffield at 13:13, leaving us at four each. Gabriel is in next and gets booted by Edge but kicks Edge right back down. It’s back to Slater to stomp away before Barrett sends Edge into the buckle. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Edge is back up to knock Barrett down. Otunga is dropped as well and it’s back to Jericho to pick up the pace. The Walls make Otunga tap at 19:13 and Jericho beats up Slater on the floor.

Back in and the elbow drops Slater but Jericho runs into Cena by mistake. That’s enough for Slater to hit Sweetness (basically a Zig Zag) for the pin on Jericho at 20:05. Edge is so livid that he argues with Cena, who walks away, but Slater rolls Edge up for the pin at 20:38. That has Edge even angrier and he takes Cena out, with Jericho getting in a shot of his own. The banged up Cena is sent back inside as Cole goes on a rant about how much better it would be with Miz instead of Bryan.

Cena is too hurt to make a comeback and gets knocked down by Gabriel, allowing Barrett to come back in. A suplex gets Cena out of trouble but Slater cuts off the tag attempt. Cena and Slater clothesline each other though and it’s back to Bryan to clean house. The suicide dive hits Slater and even Cole has to admit Bryan is showing heart. Back in and Slater taps to the LeBell Lock at 29:03, leaving us with Cena/Bryan vs. Barrett/Gabriel.

Cue Miz with the Money In The Bank briefcase to Bryan though and Barrett gets the pin at 29:32, leaving Cena all alone. Cena gets back in and fires off the shoulders, followed by the ProtoBomb. Barrett makes the save and comes in to stomp away, with Gabriel getting to do some of the same. With nothing else working, Nexus takes Cena outside and peel back the floor mats. Barrett DDTs him onto the concrete and takes him back inside, where Cena avoids Gabriel’s 450 for the pin at 34:50. Barrett comes in and gets STF’d for the tap at 35:15.

Rating: C. I remember being ok with this at the time and now I remember wondering how in the world this was ever approved. The key to Nexus was that they could survive as a big group and here they are losing as a big group. Therefore, why should anyone worry about them after this? No one could ever find an answer and while the team would be around for a few months, with Barrett focusing on the World Title, this was pretty much the fatal blow.

Cena has since said that this was a bad idea (because it was his idea) but the team was finished here and pretty much everyone knew it. The match wasn’t even that great as it was just a Survivor Series match, making me wonder WHY THEY DIDN’T DO THIS AT SURVIVOR SERIES! Bryan coming back was a nice surprise (if you stayed offline during the show) but it’s not like there was anything must see in here. Really big miss here and unfortunately it finished a pretty weak show.

Overall Rating: D+. And that’s probably being generous. There is nothing on here worth seeing with most of the matches feeling like they were just previews for something else. That might be fine for like, Night Of Champions, but this is one of the biggest shows of the year. The main event, while fine for the most part, is a huge letdown as Nexus just dies right in front of our eyes. This show wasn’t awful, but it was rather dull and in this case, that’s a lot worse.

Results
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest when Nexus interfered
Melina b. Alicia Fox – Faceplant
Big Show b. Straightedge Society – Double pin
Randy Orton b. Sheamus via DQ when Sheamus shoved the referee
Kane b. Rey Mysterio – Chokeslam
Team WWE b. Nexus last eliminating Wade Barrett

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Summerslam 2009
Date: August 23, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,129
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Not a lot has changed in the last year other than some names have risen up the card. Jeff Hardy is the Smackdown Champion and is defending tonight against the on fire CM Punk who is now a heel, bragging about how great he is due to being straightedge. We also have Orton vs. Cena #875 although only their second match here at Summerslam. It’s a decent looking card on paper so let’s get to it.

The opening video is set up like a movie theater, but DX takes it over by making shadow puppets on the screen. Shawn wins by putting up Abraham Lincoln. They finally break the projector but Shawn says he can fix it. He turns it into a DX highlight video but breaks the camera one more time.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Rey is defending after a long but awesome feud with Jericho. Ziggler pounds him down into the corner before getting two off a powerslam. Dolph throws him over his shoulders to the top but Rey bounces off with a moonsault press for two. Out to the floor and a cameraman is taken out via I think a hurricanrana. Back in and Ziggler catches (kind of) a rana off the top in a buckle bomb for two to take over.

We hit the chinlock before Dolph gets two off a side slam. The jumping elbow gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and Rey drop toeholds him into the corner before, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline for another near fall. A fireman’s carry gutbuster gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Rey fights up again and hits a hard kick to the head for a near fall of his own. Dolph comes back with a dropkick to take down a flying Mysterio for two more as these covers are getting very hot.

Back up and Rey tries to roll up Ziggler’s body into a sunset flip but Ziggler falls onto him for two. A wicked clothesline gets two more for the challenger but Rey kicks him into 619 position, only to have Ziggler drop to the floor. Back in and the Fameasser gets two for Dolph but Rey gets the same off a sunset flip.

Rey hits a kind of tornado DDT for two more and an armdrag sets up the 619 but Ziggler avoids the springboard splash. Ziggler gets a quick near fall off the miss and the fans are split on who to cheer for. A kick to Rey’s head sends him to the apron so Ziggler loads up a top rope gutbuster, only to have Rey counter into a hurricanrana in mid air to retain the title.

Rating: B+. Excellent opener here with Ziggler being able to go move for move with one of the best high fliers of all time. It was clear that Dolph was going to be a big deal and this was a great example of why. Rey was on fire at this point but he would be derailed by a Wellness violation a few weeks later, forcing him to drop the title to John Morrison.

Jack Swagger and MVP are in the back. Swagger says his match with MVP tonight is a culture clash between the All American American and an ex-con. MVP is nothing but a stepping stone but MVP says he made some bad decisions. Tonight he’s teaching Swagger a lesson and the teacher is an MVP.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

MVP jumps over Swagger in the corner and hits a quick clothesline for two to start. Swagger rolls to the floor to avoid the Ballin Elbow, only to be caught by a suicide dive. Back in and Swagger gets in some shots to the ribs to take over followed by a forearm to the back. MVP counters another shot with an elbow to the face, only to get caught in an abdominal stretch.

A hard clothesline puts MVP down for two and it’s off to a camel clutch. MVP stands up and breaks the hold with an electric chair for two. This is really basic stuff and the fans aren’t all that thrilled. Back up and MVP pops him in the jaw with a right hand, setting up the Ballin Elbow for two. A big boot in the corner sets up the Playmaker for the pin on Swagger.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t even that bad but it was very dull. Neither guy did anything special out there and it was about six minutes of boring, yet acceptable, wrestling. Swagger would go on to a world title the following year for reasons no one can quite fathom while MVP would do nothing of note for the rest of his WWE run.

Luke Perry is here.

Video on celebrities guest hosting Raw. Did we really have to relive this stupid idea?

Nancy O’Dell from Access Hollywood is here to talk about her ALS charity. No one cares. At all. She interviews Freddy Prinze Jr., one of the recent guest hosts. O’Dell sounds like any other celebrity who has never watched a wrestling show before.

Tag Titles: Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme

Jericho and Show (I can’t stand those combined names) are defending and the belts are unified at this point, meaning the champions have two belts apiece. Jericho says he and Show are the real celebrities here tonight and that’s about it. JTG (how is he still employed in 2013? Seriously, I want an answer to that) starts against Jericho and a nice flip neckbreaker gets two on Chris. A quick Walls attempt is countered and JTG hits a middle rope leg lariat for two.

Todd Grisham: “They bring the right kind of flava eh JR?” JR: “Flava? Like barbecue or cheddar?” Off to Big Show who knocks JTG into the corner and puts on a hard headlock. JTG gets up a pair of boots in the corner before bringing in the much bigger Shad Gaspard. Jericho charges in but gets caught in a gorilla press. The distraction is enough to let Show run Shad over to take control again. A hard chop in the corner puts Shad down and it’s back to the Canadian.

Shad gets in a jawbreaker but Jericho is smart enough to knock JTG to the floor before there’s a hot tag. Show puts on a full nelson but throws Gaspard down to bring Jericho back in. We hit the chinlock before Shad fights up and hits a powerslam to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in JTG but the fans don’t care at all. Everything breaks down and a clothesline sends Shad and Show to the floor. JTG is put in the Walls but makes the rope, only to be knocked out by Big Show to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but I don’t think anyone believed the titles were in jeopardy. Cryme Tyme was a fun team (on occasion) but most of the time they were jobbers to the stars. Jericho and Big Show at least gave the tag titles some fresh life for a few months so I can’t complain about them all that much. The match was standard stuff though.

Punk has a screenplay called the Jeff Hardy Story. In the movie, Jeff survives and beats Punk tonight in the TLC match. That’s as phony as everyone here in LA, where the only real person is Punk himself. Punk goes on a rant against America’s obsession with cool pop culture and says no one makes movies about him because he doesn’t support the Hollywood lifestyle. Punk is FEELING IT here.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Here’s a Wrestlemania rematch that no one was asking for. Kane is the heel here and has attacked Khali’s brother a few times before this. Khali shoves him into the corner to start and throws Kane out to the floor. Back in and Khali clotheslines him down but misses a legdrop, allowing Kane to hit a low dropkick for two. Both guys break up chokeslams and Khali takes over again.

He pounds Kane on the mat for two and hits a hard chop in the corner. Khali charges (and I use that word loosely) into a boot in the corner, allowing Kane to hit the top rope clothesline for two. We hit the chinlock before Khali makes a slow motion comeback and chops Kane down for two. Kane pulls Runjin Singh (Khali’s brother) in and the distraction lets Kane dropkick Khali’s knee. A bad looking DDT is enough for Kane to get the pin.

Rating: D-. Erg why do they keep doing these battles of the giants when they know they’re going to suck? Khali was getting so slow at this point and it was easy to see where the insults about his abilities were coming from. Kane would float around for most of the next year until he saved Undertaker and won the world title as a result.

Slash, Robert Patrick and Maria Menunos are here.

We recap DX vs. Legacy. Rhodes and DiBiase had been destroying HHH for months so he made a call to Shawn. HHH then had to get Shawn out of his job as a short order cook (don’t ask) and tonight is the big reunion match against Legacy.

Legacy vs. D-Generation X

DX comes in on a tank, trailing behind a bunch of soldiers on an Army jeep. Ok points for an AWESOME entrance. HHH starts with DiBiase as Ted fires off right hands in the corner. They have even less effect than you would expect so HHH suplexes him down and drops a knee for two. Off to Cody who walks into the high knee to the face from the Game and slaps Shawn as a result. Shawn gets the tag to a big pop but gets slapped again after running the ropes a bit.

Fed up, Shawn tackles Cody down but gets pounded in the face a few more times. Shawn comes back with a Thesz Press and right hands to another big reaction. The Band is tuned up but Cody bails to the floor and comes back in to a headlock. A belly to back suplex puts Shawn down and it’s off to DiBiase to keep up the punching motif. Ted slams him down to stay on Shawn’s back but Michaels gets a quick neckbreaker for a breather.

The hot tag brings in HHH to clean part of the house but Cody breaks up a Pedigree attempt. Everything breaks down and HHH backdrops Michaels over the top and onto Cody. Ted gets in a cheap shot on HHH to take over, meaning we’re in for a long one here. Legacy takes over o the Game in the corner and the double teaming begins. DiBiase hooks a long chinlock, but HHH keeps fighting to get to Shawn. See how easily that can be done? Instead of just laying on the mat until it was time for the comeback, HHH is constantly moving and trying to keep the fans alive. That’s such a lost art and it’s rather sad.

Anyway HHH suplexes out of the hold but Cody comes in with a DDT to stop the tag to Michaels. Off to a front facelock and of course this time HHH lays on the mat after I praised him for one of the few times after the year 2000. HHH powers out of the hold but DiBiase breaks up another hot tag. You know HHH isn’t going to stand for that for very long so he launches Ted over the top and out to the floor and finally makes the tag to Shawn.

House is really cleaned now with Shawn picking Rhodes apart. The atomic drop sets up the flying forearm but DiBiase breaks up the nipup attempt. Everything breaks down and HHH sends DiBiase into the stands as Cody goes up, only to miss a top rope elbow. Shawn loads up his own elbow but gets crotched down onto the buckle. He can still block a superplex though and now the elbow launches, only to hit Cody’s knee. Shouldn’t that hurt the leg a lot more than Shawn?

There’s no DiBiase to tag so Shawn gets up and puts on a Figure Four, only to have DiBiase make the save. HHH can’t hit a Pedigree as Cody takes him down and actually hits Cross Rhodes on Shawn for two. Now a Pedigree connects on Cody but DiBiase hits Dream Street (cobra clutch slam) on Shaw. HHH and Ted fight on the floor as both guys are down in the ring. Both guys get up at the same time and it’s Sweet Chin Music to knock Cody senseless for the collapsing pin from Shawn.

Rating: B+. Another excellent match here with all four guys working the tag team formula to perfection. Shawn continues to be able to time a comeback like no one ever could and HHH was clicking tonight. Legacy looked great and would actually beat DX in the next month’s match. I was surprised by how well the rookies looked here and DX actually had to sweat a bit here. I wouldn’t say they were in jeopardy but it wasn’t an easy win by any stretch.

ECW Title: Christian vs. William Regal

Christian is defending. Remember Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry going 32 seconds last week? This is a quarter of that as Christian grabs the Killswitch as Regal is taking his robe off for the pin to retain.

Post match Regal’s heavies Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson lay out Christian so Regal can put on the Regal Stretch.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in Los Angeles.

We recap Orton vs. Cena. Orton has dominated the year and Cena is the latest guy to try to take the title. Not much here but do these two really need a backstory?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending. Cena takes him down with a front facelock but Orton counters into a hammerlock. Randy takes him into the corner and kicks at the ribs a bit, cuing a Cena comeback with rights and lefts. Orton comes back with an elbow to the face and his VERY slow stomping. This is the main criticism of Orton around this time: he wrestled in slow motion and it makes for very dull matches. The big knee drop to the chest gets two.

Cena comes back with some right hands but walks into the backbreaker for two. We hit the chinlock and the dueling chants begin. Cena finally powers up and initiates his finishing sequence. The Shuffle connects but Orton escapes the FU into the powerslam (NOT A SCOOP SLAM COLE, YOU STUPID STUPID MAN!) for two. Orton misses a knee drop but Cena’s shoulder block only hits air, sending him out to the floor. The Elevated DDT is good for two as Orton keeps things slow.

Cena gets in another shot and pops up top for the Fameasser, good for two. Orton grabs the ropes to block the FU and a double clothesline puts them both down. They slug it out with Cena taking over and speeding things up, but Orton shoves the referee for the LAME DQ. To be fair though it was the first fast paced thing he did all match.

Lillian, Rhodes Scholar that she is, calls Cena the new champion before saying Vince gave her word that the match restarts and if Orton gets DQ’d again he loses the title. This would be an entirely pointless bit that stopped the match cold. Back in and Orton takes over before whipping Cena into the steps. Orton slams him down and goes to get the title and walk out. We get the same announcement and the match continues again.

Back in and the STF, RKO and FU are all countered and Orton grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for the pin. As you might expect, we’re STILL not done as a second referee comes out and tells the first what happened. So on the third restart Cena puts on the STF but a “fan” runs in for a distraction, stopping things cold again. Cena walks around with his hands on his hips but Orton comes in and hits an RKO to retain the title. For real this time.

Rating: D. On top of the INSANE overbooking, the match was really boring with Orton being his usual slow self. These two would feud forever and trade the title back and forth. The matches would get better but people were sick of seeing them fight at the end. This match was a great example of how overthinking can screw up a match. Brett DiBiase was the fan but that was never acknowledged on TV and I don’t think it was ever addressed again.

We recap the main event. This is a pure culture clash with Jeff Hardy being the free spirit and Punk being the serious straightedge guy who lives a very strict life. Punk cashed in MITB against Hardy at Extreme Rules but Jeff won the title back two months later. This gets the music video treatment with a song featuring lyrics of “I don’t want to be like you.” Nice touch.

Smackdown World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

TLC match here. They fight over a lockup to start until Punk takes him into the corner for some knees to the chest. He stomps Hardy down and throws him to the floor before grabbing the first chair. A shot to the ribs and back allows Punk to go up but Hardy makes a quick save. Hardy stomps him down in the corner and hits the slingshot dropkick before going up. This time it’s Punk making the save but Hardy sends him into the ladder to put both guys down.

Back up and Hardy loads up Poetry in Motion but Punk drops him onto the open chair to take over. A series of ladder shots to the back have Hardy in big trouble. Punk sends him to the floor and hits a suicide dive but misses a chair shot. Hardy sends him into the post and gets in a chair shot to the elbow to take over. This is a slower paced match so far which is usually the best way to go about TLC matches. Now Poetry In Motion hits against the barricade and Punk is in trouble.

Hardy puts him on a table but Punk moves before Hardy can splash him through it, sending Hardy down in a big crash. We get another ladder in the ring as JR calls this a carcinogenic match. Punk goes up but Jeff literally jumps over him to go after it himself, only to get caught in an electric chair, only to counter that into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. The champion goes up first but Punk shoves him onto the corner in a SCARY landing with Jeff’s leg hitting the rope.

Punk says on him with a superplex onto the ladder in another cringe inducing landing. Somehow Jeff snaps off a quick Twist of Fate but the Swanton hits knees. Punk hits the running knee in the corner but the bulldog is countered by Hardy throwing Punk over the top and through a table. Jeff starts to climb but Punk is back up to dropkick Hardy off the ladder. They head outside with Punk’s knees being sent into the steps, allowing Hardy to go NUTS on Punk with a chair.

Hardy loads up a table next to the ring and this Punk in the head with part of the announce table and a monitor. A chair shot puts Punk down again as Hardy is in full control. Jeff sets up the big ladder and hits an INSANE Swanton Bomb through Punk through the announce table. That looked NUTS but the crash was great. Both guys are checked on as the stretcher is brought out. Hardy is taken out but Punk is crawling towards the ladder. Jeff gets off the stretcher and goes after Punk, only to be kicked off the ladder in another big crash, giving Punk the title.

Rating: A-. This was an excellent war with a great story being told: Punk played it safe while Hardy lived for the moment and lost the title as a result. The Swanton spot looked amazing and it was the last straw for Hardy as he just couldn’t keep getting up from all these crashes. Awesome match here and a great bit of storytelling.

Punk stands over Hardy with the title in the air and the lights go off. A gong strikes and the lights come up with Undertaker in Hardy’s place. He hits a huge chokeslam on Punk and poses on the stage to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. There’s some bad stuff on here but the good stuff far outweighs it. Its biggest problem is the Orton vs. Cena match which was slow and dull leading up to the STUPID ending. The other big matches delivered though and the opener is excellent. The show is worth watching, but pop in the Cena vs. Orton match from Breaking Point instead. Good show here that could have been a classic with a better Raw Title match.

Ratings Comparison

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

Original: C

Redo: D

Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Kane vs. Great Khali

Original: D+

Redo: D-

D-Generation X vs. Legacy

Original: A

Redo: B+

William Regal vs. Christian

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: D

CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

The Cena vs. Orton match carries or sinks this show depending on how you look at it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/12/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2009-punk-in-another-main-event-3/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Cyber Sunday 2008
Date: October 26, 2008
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 7,981
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham

It’s time for a weird show, as the point of the show is about the fans choosing the stipulations. That means a lot of the show isn’t really set up, even down to the kinds of matches that we’ll be seeing. The big matches are HHH defending the Smackdown World Title against someone (case in point) and Chris Jericho defending the Raw World Title against Batista, with guest referee to be determined. Let’s get to it.

The set is rather cool, with the entrance looking like a big phone.

Pre-Show: US Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. ???

R-Truth – 59%
Festus – 26%
MVP – 15%

Shockingly, Benjamin is defending against the person who has been coming for his title. Benjamin backs him into the corner to start but R-Truth backflips away and gets in a leg lariat. That’s cut off though and Benjamin grabs a chinlock, which is quickly broken up for some running clotheslines. Benjamin catches him on top though and jumps up, only to get knocked down for a missile dropkick. Back up and a quick Paydirt retains the title in a hurry.

Rating: C. This was a glorified dark match and that was only going to be so good no matter what they did. R-Truth continues to be a good way to start any show, as he is one of the most entertaining people on the roster. It should be time for Benjamin to move on to another challenger, though I’m not sure who that is going to be at the moment. Festus maybe?

The opening video features a bunch of wrestlers saying your vote doesn’t count. They then realize that it absolutely does, so the people better have voted wisely. Kind of an odd shift there, as what would the people have been voting for in the first place if the votes didn’t count?

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio

No Holds Barred – 39%
Falls Count Anywhere – 35%
2/3 Falls – 26%

That’s a lot more like it, as any of those could have conceivably won. Mysterio starts fast and knocks him outside, where a kendo stick shot to the leg has Kane in more trouble. Back in and Mysterio’s stop sign is cut off though and Kane sends him ribs first into the post. Kane drives him into a different post (for some variety you see) for two and the bad back is bent over Kane’s knee. The nerve hold sets up another backbreaker as Mysterio is in quite the level of trouble.

Mysterio finally goes to the eyes and comes out with a bulldog for the needed breather. A 619 attempt is cut off with a big boot so Kane grabs a chair, only to get caught in something like a Destino. An Arabian Facebuster gives Mysterio two but Kane easily uppercuts him out of the air. The steps are loaded up in the corner, with Kane missing a charge and getting drop toeholded into the steps. The springboard seated senton gives Mysterio two and he can’t believe the kickout. Back up and Mysterio slugs away with the air, setting up a quick 619. The springboard splash gives Mysterio the upset pin.

Rating: C+. This could have been a lot worse, though it was kind of weird that Mysterio beat him relatively clean. Mysterio just beat him down and got the pin for the big upset. I like the idea of an underdog coming back and getting the win, but it just didn’t have the most impact. Either way, not a bad opener as Mysterio knows exactly how to wrestle this kind of a match.

It’s time to meet the Divas in their Halloween costume.

Michelle McCool is an army brat.

Katie Lea is a vampire.

Lena Yada is a ninja.

Candice Michelle is Marilyn Monroe.

Chris Jericho runs into Ted DiBiase, Manu and Cody Rhodes to thank them for costing CM Punk the World Title. If they ever want to take it to the next level, do the same thing to Batista. That’s a no, because Rhodes and DiBiase might have a title defense, but DiBiase thinks Jericho’s match will be priceless.

Here are ECW GM Teddy Long and his assistant Tiffany to introduce the one ECW match tonight.

ECW Title: Matt Hardy vs. ???

Evan Bourne – 69%
Finlay – 25%
Mark Henry – 6%

Hardy is defending and dang that’s a pretty horrible result for Henry. Bourne was the pretty obvious pick but you would think the top heel would have done better than that. Hardy hits a running shoulder but gets caught with a dropkick to slow things down. A test of strength goes to Hardy until Bourne is back up with some rollups for two each. Back up and Hardy sends him into the corner and hits a hard clothesline so Bourne switches gears by going after the arm.

The standing moonsault gives Bourne two and he’s right back on the armbar. Bourne sends him to the floor but an Asai moonsault is broken up, allowing Hardy to get in a slam on the floor. The middle rope elbow to the back gives Hardy two more and it’s off to the abdominal stretch. With that broken up, Bourne gets in a quick hurricanrana but walks into a Side Effect for two more.

It works so well that Hardy does it again but Bourne kicks him out of the air. A moonsault press gives Bourne two and the top rope Meteora connects for the same. Hardy catches him up top but gets shoved down, only to avoid the shooting star press. The Twist Of Fate is countered into a backslide for a heck of a near fall but a second Twist connects to retain the title.

Rating: B. Hardy’s great look at Bourne after the match tells you the story, as he knows he survived over a talented but inexperienced challenge. Bourne is getting better and better every time and he’s the kind of young star that ECW needs. The roster is just dying for talent and Bourne is a good, young name who could boost it up rather nicely.

Post match Bourne goes to leave but Hardy shakes his hand to show some respect.

More Halloween costumes:

Beth Phoenix is a Knight Templar. That sword looks horrible.

Jillian Hall is Batgirl (missing on Netflix due to song issues).

Maria is a rabbit.

Kelly Kelly is a ship’s captain.

Next up, you get to pick the tag match we get to see:

John Morrison/The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme – 38%
Raw Tag Team Titles: Kofi Kingston/CM Punk vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase Jr. – 35%
Mickie James/Jamie Noble vs. Layla/William Regal – 27%

John Morrison/The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme

Morrison and JTG take turns driving each other into the corner before it’s off to Miz. That’s fine with JTG, who takes him into the corner as well, this time for a running clothesline from Gaspard. A reverse Alabama Slam sends JTG onto Miz for two and it’s back to Morrison, who gets splashed in the corner (popular place in this match).

The villains are sent outside and Gaspard gorilla presses JTG onto them for a nice big crash. Back in and Morrison gets in a shot to Gaspard’s knee and Miz gets to elbow said knee as we slow down. Gaspard powers out of a half crab though and it’s back to JTG for some flipping neckbreakers. Morrison kicks him back down and scores with a running knee to the head for two of his own.

Miz grabs a chinlock for a bit but a catapult is broken up, allowing JTG to…roll Morrison into the wrong corner. With Morrison backing off, the tag brings in Gaspard to start cleaning house. A spinebuster gets two on Morrison so JTG forearms Miz, say it with me, into the corner. Miz gets in a shot to the knee though and the Moonlight Drive gives Morrison the quick pin.

Rating: C. This was a match that could have been on any given episode of Smackdown and it wouldn’t have felt much different. The good thing here though is they did have an actual feud and that made the match more interesting. Unfortunately it wasn’t particularly good and I wasn’t overly engaged for the most par.

Hey look. More costumes.

Tiffany is a nun in some less than standard attire.

Brie Bella is Cleopatra.

Natalya is a cop.

Eve Torres is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Raphael, which likely can’t be used).

Chris Jericho asks Great Khali to make things fair in the main event. No.

Here are Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix for the Intercontinental Title match. According to the Honk-A-Meter, in just one week….and one year….he will be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. After mocking Phoenix for being a place where wrestlers go to retire, like Shaquille O’Neal, Marella is quickly shut up by realizing that O’Neal is in the crowd. On to the others who should retire!

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. ???

Honky Tonk Man – 35%
Roddy Piper – 34%
Goldust – 31%

Marella, with Beth Phoenix, is defending and Honky Tonk seems rather pleased to be here. Before the match, Honky Tonk says he doesn’t know about cool and cocky, but Marella is BAD. Marella could be Intercontinental Champion for ten years and not be as great as he is. The dance off (you knew it was coming) is on and even Phoenix realizes this isn’t Marella’s thing. Marella hits him in the face and we’re ready to go, with a chase not really working. Honky Tonk gets in a knockdown but Phoenix trips him for the DQ in just over a minute.

Post match Marella screams at Phoenix for causing her to lose and here are the other legends to beat Marella up (thankfully Piper and Goldust have gotten over their 1996 issues). Honky Tonk getting in a Shake Rattle And Roll for old times’ sake is a nice bonus, even if he slips on Goldust’s wig.

Final costumes.

Maryse is a French maid. She previewed this on TV in the buildup

Layla is Princess Layla in a Star Wars joke.

Victoria is a banana who has appeal.

Mickie James is Lara Croft and….yeah she’s easily the best out of these options, mainly because her costume looks a lot more well made and doesn’t feel like she got it at Spirit Halloween.

We recap Big Show vs. Undertaker. Big Show beat him up last month at No Mercy (in a heck of a match) but you know that’s not how Undertaker accepts things. Therefore, it’s time for revenge.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

Last Man Standing – 49%
I Quit – 42%
Knockout – 9%

I’m a bit surprised Knockout was so low, but it did at least feel like all three were viable choices. Undertaker strikes away to start, as is his custom, before being sent over into the timekeeper’s area. That just earns him a heck of a chair shot to the head and Show staggers back inside. Show charges into a boot but just runs Undertaker over without much trouble.

It’s too early for the count so Show kicks him out to the floor with quite qthe impact. The ensuing chair shot only hits post and Undertaker blasts him in the face with a chair of his own for an eight count. The apron legdrop has Show in more trouble but he gets in a clothesline to put them both down. Some big headbutts have Show in trouble so Undertaker slugs away.

Show’s chokeslam attempt is countered into a DDT so he rips a turnbuckle pad off. Undertaker’s running boot in the corner misses and he crashes out to the floor, where Show sends him into various hard objects (sending Matt Striker running away, which at least makes the show better). A monitor to the head and a superkick put Undertaker over the barricade but he comes back with a chair shot.

For some reason Undertaker climbs onto the barricade, earning himself a chokeslam through the announcers’ table for a heck of a crash. It’s also good for a nine count so they go back inside, where Show decides to start punching. Naturally Undertaker gets the better of that and tries Old School, only to get chokeslammed for another near ten. The KO Punch gets another nine as Undertaker sits up, earning a chair to the head. Show goes after him but gets pulled into the Hell’s Gate. Show taps but then passes out, which is enough to give Undertaker the win.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty nice fight as these two can do some things if you don’t ask them to have a regular match. Trim a few minutes off of this and it’s even better but it did feel like Undertaker survived a war against a real monster. Undertaker could still go with this kind of a match and he survived until he caught Show, which worked rather well. Good stuff here and it should blow off the feud.

Chris Jericho complains to Mike Adamle and wants the guest referee stipulation thrown out, with teases of violence. Adamle still won’t change it, so Jericho says they can do this later. Dude there’s less than an hour in the show. How much later do you think you have?

Tazz brings out the Divas for the costume contest and Mickie James wins. And then they all fight. This is a perfect example of “it was what it was”.

We recap HHH defending the Smackdown World Title. This is less a question of “will Jeff Hardy get the shot” and more “can Vladimir Kozlov get less than 0%”. At least triple threat is there to offer the slightest drama.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. ???

Jeff Hardy – 57%
Jeff Hardy and Vladimir Kozlov – 38%
Vladimir Kozlov – 5%

HHH is defending and I’m surprised it was that close. HHH backs him into the corner to start (JTG did it better) and tells Hardy that he was that close. To what? They fight over arm control until Hardy snaps off some armdrags into an armbar. That stays on for a bit until Hardy goes up, only to get shoved hard into the barricade (ala Rob Van Dam). Back in and HHH stomps away before sending him arm first into the post.

Now an armbar has Hardy in trouble for a change, followed by a facebuster. Hardy shrugs that off and hits his wrap around clothesline to put them both down. Hardy’s basement dropkick connects, as does a sitout gordbuster for two. The slingshot dropkick is countered into a spinebuster though (that looked good) for two more.

Hardy goes up but dives into a crossface, which stays on for so long that Hardy looks more dismayed than in pain. That’s reversed into a cradle for two but HHH knocks him outside in another heap. Hardy is back up with Poetry In Motion off the steps and a pair of Whispers In The Wind (yes two of them) gets two, leaving them both down.

Now the slingshot dropkick can connect for two more but HHH is right back with a sleeper. That’s broken up rather quickly and a Twist Of Fate gives Hardy two. The Swanton connects but Hardy goes up again, with a second Swanton hitting raised knees. Hardy kicks him outside and connects (barely) with a slingshot dive before loading up another Swanton. This one is cut off a lot faster though, with HHH pulling him into the Pedigree to retain.

Rating: B+. These two work very well together and they did it again here, though dang Hardy losing to HHH again is a hard thing to see. The fans love him quite a bit but that is only going to survive so many losses. Hardy keeps getting closer to the title, though he has to actually win it a lot sooner rather than later.

We recap Batista challenging Chris Jericho for the Raw World Title. Batista became #1 contender but there have been issues with referees so let’s have a special guest. Unfortunately that has become the focus of the whole thing, with Batista and Jericho barely having an issue between them.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. Chris Jericho

Steve Austin – 74%
Shawn Michaels – 22%
Randy Orton – 4%

Jericho is defending and they would have been better off just announcing Austin and picking something else for the vote. Jericho slaps him in the face and is promptly shouldered in the corner. That’s enough for Jericho to try and leave, only for Austin to say the title is changing hands on a countout or DQ.

Austin not going after Jericho himself is a bit much to buy, though at least Jericho gets back inside for the beating from Batista. A suplex puts Jericho down again but Jericho pulls him to the floor for a baseball slide. The Triangle Dropkick is swatted away but Batista gets his leg tied in the rope to give Jericho a target. Jericho goes with the standard assortment of knee work, including a running dropkick to the leg.

The chinlock doesn’t do much to Batista and he sends Jericho into the corner, only to be sent face first into the buckle. The Walls are blocked so Jericho goes right back to the knee in a smart move. Batista is able to use the good leg for a big boot and they’re both down for a rather slow count.

Now the Walls can go on, with Jericho switching into a half crab (former partner Lance Storm would be proud). Batista makes the rope and grabs a Boss Man Slam for two, followed by a clothesline out of the air for the same. The spear only hits post but the shoulder is fine enough to hit a flying shoulder. The spinebuster is countered into a DDT to give Jericho two but Austin gets bumped.

Jericho hits a Codebreaker so here is Shawn Michaels for a ridiculously slow count. Batista hits the spear but JBL of all people comes in to break up the count (Why was he in full wrestling gear?), Austin is back up but Randy Orton runs in to knock him down. A belt shot gives Jericho two but Austin is back up and yells at Orton for being an idiot. The Stunner sends Orton outside and Jericho blocks a Stunner attempt. That means it’s a spinebuster into the Batista Bomb to give Batista the title.

Rating: C+. This was a weird one as again, it didn’t feel like Batista was having some personal issue with Jericho. Instead, it came off more like one of those indy show main events over Wrestlemania Weekend where an outsider gets the title shot and that’s the whole story. In this case the title happened to change hands but the focus wound up being on the referees. That’s a really odd way to go and while Batista getting the title is fine, it absolutely doesn’t feel like some big moment.

Beer is consumed to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I really couldn’t figure out what to think about this overall as it’s so thrown together. We wound up seeing parts of what had been built up in previous weeks because so little was set in stone coming into the show. I didn’t hate it and it’s far from some disaster, but I can also see why they dropped this gimmick after this edition. It’s too hard to build to a show where you don’t know what you’re getting and that took away a lot from this one.

 

 

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Summerslam 2007
Date: August 27, 2007
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,441
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

This is a bit of a weird show as it is built around the two World Title matches, but two of the other big matches involve people who have been gone for months. We’ll be seeing Randy Orton challenging John Cena for the Raw World Title while Great Khali defends the Smackdown World Title against Batista. At the same time, Rey Mysterio and HHH are back after some long layoffs, making the build for this a bit weird. Let’s get to it.

The opening video narrates a look at Mysterio returning and the regular World Title matches, making it feel like a TV show.

Then we get the REAL opening, with the “We Can Rebuild Him” video on the returning HHH, the actual star of the show.

Kane vs. Finlay

Grudge match after Finlay accidentally knocked a cup of coffee Kane. Worked for Jericho in 2000. Kane, with his injured ribs, knocks Finlay into the corner to start and grabs a slam to keep him in early trouble. Some uppercuts in the corner set up some choking on the ropes before Kane knocks him over the top. That’s not enough for Kane, who boots him in the face, only to get hit in the ribs.

Back in and a backsplash gives Finlay two and it’s off to a half crab. Kane fights up again and it’s an enziguri to put Finlay down for a change. A one armed side slam gives Kane two and there’s the top rope clothesline to rock Finlay again. Finlay is right back with a shot to the ring but it’s Hornswoggle time.

You don’t do that to Kane, who shoves Hornswoggle down but can’t chokeslam Finlay due to the bad ribs. JBL: “He has won a WWE Championship with that chokeslam.” No, he hasn’t. Finlay unhooks the turnbuckle pad, which is enough for him to sneak in the Shillelagh (with an assist from Hornswoggle) shot to the ribs for two. That’s too much for Kane, who sends him into the post and grabs the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was about taking two hard hitting guys and letting them beat on each other for a little while. That’s how you start a show and it worked well enough, as they both know how to do this match really well. Not a classic opener or anything close, but it was fun to watch two guys like this do their thing.

Vince McMahon and Coach joins the General Managers in a party themed move. McMahon thinks the mother of his illegitimate son wants a payday but here is Santino Marella to suggest he is said son. That’s rejected, so here is MVP to say he wants to issue an open challenge to Matt Hardy for something other than a match. Vince is down for that, but William Regal thinks Vince’s son would be more, uh, regal. Everyone else leaves and Vince seems disturbed by the thought of being with an Englishwoman.

Video on Rey Mysterio. Did you know he’s back tonight?

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito vs. Umaga

Umaga is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. They stare at each other to start and Umaga punches both of them in the face before sending them into various corners. Carlito and Kennedy need a breather on the floor and decide to go for a distraction, which goes horribly wrong as well. Kennedy saves Carlito from the running hip attack in the corner though and it’s a running boot to drive Umaga’s head into the steps. That leaves Kennedy to stomp on Carlito inside but he’s right back with a springboard elbow.

They seem to be going as fast as they can because Umaga is up, meaning it’s an uppercut from the floor to drop Carlito. Kennedy saves him from a Stinger Splash in the corner though and a shot to Umaga’s head gets two. Umaga isn’t about to get double suplexed so he suplexes both of them at the same time instead. The monster awakens and wrecks both of them, including the running hip attack in the corner to Carlito. Kennedy knocks Umaga outside…but Umaga is right back in with the Samoan Spike to finish Kennedy to retain.

Rating: C. It was little more than a Raw match and that didn’t exactly leave us with a great showcase. The good thing is that Umaga looked like a monster out there as Kennedy and Carlito combined completely failed to stop him. That’s the kind of win that will build Umaga back up even more and that is going to make the person who finally stops him look even bigger, as it should.

Undertaker is back at Unforgiven.

We recap Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Chavo put Rey on the shelf for knee surgery and is now laughing at the idea that Rey is coming back. Revenge seems imminent.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Rey’s torso is covered in silver paint because he can be a bit odd with some of his costume ideas. They talk trash to each other to start until Rey hits him in the face. Chavo goes after the knee but Rey slips away without much effort. The test of strength is on, allowing them to flip around a lot with neither getting very far.

Another try for the knee works better for Chavo as the leg is wrapped around the middle rope. Rey isn’t having that and kicks Chavo outside before taking him back in for some knee work of his own. There’s a middle rope hurricanrana to send Chavo flying again but he catches Rey in the Tree of Woe to go after the knee again. Said knee is wrapped around the post as we get to the meat of things. The stretch muffler has Rey in more trouble and there’s a dropkick to the knee.

The knee is fine enough to hit an enziguri but it gives out on the 619 attempt. Rey has to get to the ropes to get out of a half crab and now it’s Chavo’s turn to be in the Tree of Woe. That doesn’t last long either so Rey sends him outside for a running seated senton off the apron. Rey misses a high crossbody back inside though and it’s a Gory Bomb to give Chavo two. Another 619 attempt misses and Chavo hits a few Amigos. Rey isn’t having that though and it’s the 619 into the springboard splash for the pin.

Rating: B-. As expected, this was a good match between two talented wrestlers, though I’m still not sure how much interest there was going to be in Chavo as a focal point. He’s a very good worker, but he is more a solid hand than a featured player. That being said, this was all about Rey being back and getting to shake the rust off, which worked well in his first match in a long time.

King Booker and Queen Sharmell say Rey Mysterio’s return may have been great, but HHH’s return will be an entrance, followed by him bowing down to King Booker.

Battle Royal

Maria, Beth Phoenix, Melina, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Victoria, Kristal, Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Brooke

The winner gets a future Women’s Title shot against Candice Michelle, who is at ringside. It’s a brawl to start, as it should be, with a bunch of brawling around the ring. Jillian gets rid of Maria and Layla is gone soon after. Brooke seems to have been tossed somewhere in there too and Kristal gets rid of Victoria (that’s an upset).

Michelle knocks Kristal out and there goes Kelly (through the ropes, because over the top is a bit too much). Torrie helps get rid of Jillian and Melina knocks out Mickie. We’re down to Michelle, Melina, Beth and Torrie, with Melina being knocked out by Michelle. Beth gets rid of Torrie without much effort and we’re down to two. Michelle tries a kick and is tossed out to give Beth the win.

Rating: D. What else did you expect here? There are only a few women who are ready to challenge for the title and Beth is about as good of a choice as you could have here. Beth is a different kind of monster and we should be in for a showdown with Candice. At least they kept this moving, as that is the best idea they could have had here.

Almost immediately as soon as the match is over, here is MVP, with a few guys carrying a cooler, to say no one paid to see these women. You need him on the show, so MVP talks about how he used to drink beer. His tastes have changed now that he is rich, but tonight it’s time for a beer drinking contest with Matt Hardy.

Hold on though, as Matt brings up MVP using a surrogate for their boxing match. Well Matt (who somehow knew this would be a drinking contest) has his own surrogate: Steve Austin. Cue Austin, who warms up for the contest with some rope running and pushups but it’s a Stunner before the first beer is consumed. A lot of drinking ensues. Nothing wrong with a surprise appearance like this, even if Austin didn’t say a word.

Wrestlemania is coming to Orlando.

Vince McMahon is still in the office with the bosses when Cryme Tyme interrupts. They think “Vinnie Mac” (Vince: “Vinnie Mac?”) might be their dad and it’s time to chant MONEY MONEY YEAH YEAH. Everyone dances around Vince, including William Regal in a hat. Cue Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

Video on John Morrison.

ECW World Title: John Morrison vs. CM Punk

Morrison is defending and gets taken down without much trouble to start. Punk wins a grapple off to start and hits a hiptoss before hitting a triangle dropkick to the floor. Back up and Morrison hits a neckbreaker onto the apron, allowing him to hammer away with some right hands.

We hit the chinlock with an arm trap, which Tazz doesn’t seem to notice as a version of the Tazmission. A regular chinlock doesn’t work either and Punk is back up with a middle rope crossbody for two of his own. The scoop powerslam gets two more but it’s a backbreaker into a neckbreaker to give Morrison two more. Back up and Punk crotches Morrison on the top and they’re both down for a bit. Punk’s top rope hurricanrana is countered though and Morrison puts his feet on the ropes for the stolen pin to retain.

Rating: C. These two have had more than a few matches now and it wasn’t exactly anything better than their previous stuff. Punk has lost to Morrison time after time now and there isn’t much left for these two to do with each other. The other problem is that there isn’t anything else for Punk on ECW, but he has to win something soon. Not a bad match, but it could have been on ECW TV.

King Booker vs. HHH

This is HHH’s first match since January after another torn quadricep. Booker, with Queen Sharmell, thinks there is only one king around here. Naturally HHH gets a big special entrance video, including the WE CAN REBUILD HIM deal. Commentary tries to put it over like the 2002 MSG return and it’s just not there.

Booker slugs away to start but gets punched outside without much trouble. Back in and HHH gets cut off with an elbow to the head, only to get knocked right back to the floor. HHH gets to punch him in the face a bit more, setting up the facebuster for two back inside. Booker gets smart by going after the leg, only to have HHH take out Booker’s leg instead.

The Figure Four goes on so Sharmell rakes the eyes for a save. The slugout goes to HHH, and he tosses Booker outside for a whip into the steps. They head back inside for the spinebuster but Booker breaks up the Pedigree attempt. Some knees to the head set up a side slam but Booker misses the Houston Hangover. The Pedigree finishes Booker without much effort.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t a disaster but it was far from as good as you would have expected from these two. HHH shrugged off everything Booker threw at him and then won clean in the end, which isn’t exactly surprising. I would have expected a bit more than about eight minutes, but odds are they didn’t want to leave HHH out there to get winded early. This could have been worse, though it was pretty lame, all things considered.

We recap Batista vs. Great Khali for the Smackdown World Title. Khali is the new unstoppable monster and Batista is one of the only people who can come after him. That’s a bit of a problem though, as Khali’s Claw/vice grip are rather deadly.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali

Batista is challenging and gets pounded down in the corner to start. Khali sends him outside in a heap and hits the big chop on the way back in. That’s only good for two so Khali sends him shoulder first into the post, setting up the nerve hold. The rope is grabbed, meaning it’s a forearm to the back and another nerve hold goes on.

Cole describes the reaction as the fans getting restless, which is certainly one way to go. Batista fights up and blocks the vice grip, setting up the spinebuster. For some reason Batista goes up but dives into the double chokeslam for two. Runjin Singh throws in a chair and Khali hits Batista for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Restless would be one way to go, but the better term would likely be “bored out of their minds”. This was a bunch of sitting around doing nothing until Khali did something pretty stupid and now we are likely in for a rematch, because that is what we needed here. I get the idea of the chase, but the idea of Khali being involved in anything fast paced is disturbing.

Post match Batista gets the chair and blasts Khali for a change. JBL is livid at Khali for doing something so stupid, which is a fair assessment.

It’s back to the office, where Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young come in to see Vince. They don’t think they’re the mother of the son, but Mae wants some relations with Vince RIGHT NOW to make a new son. Mae jumps him and leaves a taste in Vince’s mouth…which he kind of likes. Coach: “That’s disgusting sir!” Vince: “Old chicken makes good soup.”

We recap John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the Raw World Title. Cena has been champion for almost a year but Orton has been on a path of destruction. Now it’s time for Cena to stop him, because no one else can do it.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and gets headlocked to start, with the fans really not being behind Cena. The headlock (and really blatant spot calling) continue until Orton reverses into one of his own. Cena can’t counter into the STFU and Orton stomps him down. Back up and Orton keeps it simple with a hard shot to the head which might cause Cena to miss a crossbody.

That means Orton can knock Cena off the apron and onto the announcers’ table for two back inside. The rather aggressive chinlock goes on but Cena suplexes his way to freedom. A missed charge lets Orton get in some more stomps but he misses the big knee. The powerslam doesn’t miss though and we’re right back to the chinlock. Cena tries to power up again so Orton grabs a sleeper with a bodyscissors.

More power gets Cena out of trouble, this time by driving Orton into the corner. Now the comeback is on, including the Shuffle, but the FU is countered into the backbreaker. There’s the hanging DDT as JR is wondering when the concussion is coming. The RKO is countered but Cena misses another charge and falls over the top. Back in and Cena tries the Throwback but winds up with a Blockbuster, which is quite the odd visual coming from him.

The top rope Fameasser connects and Orton is in trouble again. This time the FU is countered with a neck snap across the top. That’s enough to load up the Punt but Orton takes too long and gets pulled into the STFU. The rope gets Orton out of trouble and he grabs a quick RKO for two (that’s still a rare kickout). Cena is done playing around though and hits the FU to retain.

Rating: B. This was a big time fight and Cena felt like he went through a long battle. They were trading big moves but the ending was a bit of a letdown, as Cena kicked out of the RKO and then finished him clean. That doesn’t leave much of a future for the feud, but never let it be said that WWE won’t let something continue despite it looking like it was wrapping up. What we got was good though, as these two were starting to feel it when they went home.

Overall Rating: C. The main event helps a lot and there was enough good to make it work, but Batista vs. Khali was horrible and HHH’s return was a disappointment. It was a bunch of short matches too, with only Orton vs. Cena and Mysterio vs. Guerrero breaking ten minutes. At least we got some good stuff in there though, including a solid main event. Good, but certainly not great show.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 20, 2008
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the last Raw before Cyber Sunday and we have a question about who should be the guest referee of the World Title match between Chris Jericho and Batista. There really isn’t much else for Raw on the pay per view and that doesn’t leave us with a lot to do on this show. Well save for finding out which legend will challenge Santino Marella for the Intercontinental Title, which should be interesting. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Candice Michelle/Kelly Kelly vs. Katie Lea/Jillian Hall

Hall shoves Kelly down to start but it’s off to Michelle for a double elbow. Naturally Lawler spends the match talking about how excited he is at seeing the Divas in Halloween costumes on Sunday, because that’s what Lawler does. Michelle is sent outside and crashes to the floor, with Hall grabbing a seated abdominal stretch. That’s broken up and Kelly comes back in for her screaming headscissors. Everything breaks down and Kelly’s Fameasser gets the pin on Hall.

Rating: C. The best thing I can say here is that this was a match. There are so many times when the women are thrown out there to do whatever dumb thing they are asked to do (ala Fuzzy Dice On A Pole last week on Smackdown). This wasn’t a good match, but it was a totally standard match and it went fine. I’ll definitely take that as the slow steps towards turning the division into something serious slowly continue. That being said, this is how they opened the go home Raw for a pay per view?

We look back at last week, with Chris Jericho and Batista picking the other’s opponents, which did not go so well for Jericho.

Here is Jericho for a chat but first, he insists that Lilian Garcia give him a proper introduction. Jericho does not like the fans disrespecting him and suggesting that he is going to lose on Sunday. He might even have to add Mike Adamle to the list of people disrespecting him. Jericho goes over the options for guest referee at Cyber Sunday and talks about some of the times where he has overcome the odds.

This brings out Batista, who isn’t wild on a lot of this stuff. After mocking Jericho’s hair, Batista says you earn respect rather than demanding it. If Jericho beats him at Cyber Sunday, maybe he’ll earn some respect, but until then, he needs to stop whining. Cue Mike Adamle, who wants to talk about respect. They’ll both be performing tonight, but in a pair of gauntlet matches. Adamle doesn’t list any opponents but Jericho slaps Batista before leaving.

Here is JBL for a match and he’s not happy about having to face some lame impersonator. Yes we are in uncertain financial times but the reality is the rich will become richer and the poor (“That would be you.”) become poorer. And then the glass shatters, but it’s not what you might expect. Ok it probably is.

John Bradshaw vs. Steve Haastin

JBL: “You’ve got to be kidding me.” The bell rings and Haastin hits a Thesz press, followed by the corner stomping. The Stunner is blocked though and the Clothesline From JBL is enough for the fast pin.

Post match JBL says that is the bottom line because he says so.

Mike Knox seems to be coming to Raw. Uh, great.

Rey Mysterio vs. Snitsky

Snitsky powers him into the corner to start and grabs a gutbuster to work on the bad ribs. A big boot in the corner misses though and Mysterio gets in the top rope seated senton. The 619 and springboard splash finish Snitsky without much trouble.

John Morrison/The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston/CM Punk

Before the match, Miz and Morrison say there is still time for them to be on Cyber Sunday (somehow) because they are better than the Freebirds, the Legion Of Doom and DX. Miz: “Are you fifty? NO! I SAID ARE YOU FIFTY???” Punk and Morrison start things off because they were joined at the hip for a good while.

Morrison takes him into the corner so Miz can come in, earning himself a beating. It’s off to Kingston for a heck of a dropkick and Morrison is tossed outside with him as the good guys clear the ring. Back in and Punk’s running ax handle gets two on Punk but Morrison kicks Kingston off the ropes.

Morrison suplexes him into a chinlock and we take a break. We come back with Kingston kicking his way out of trouble, only for Miz to grab another chinlock. Said chinlock is broken up and it’s back to Punk so the pace can pick way up. The GTS hits Morrison but Miz comes in off the blind tag and gets the rollup for the clean pin on Punk.

Rating: B-. That was a snazzy finish as Miz and Morrison have turned into a heck of a team, with Miz pinning a former World Champion. That’s quite the big win and I could go for seeing more of them at a higher level. At the same time, Punk is kind of floating around without something specific to do. That needs to change, though I’m not sure what that could be at the moment.

Chris Jericho rants to Mike Adamle about his lack of respect but Adamle says this is so Jericho can earn respect.

Here are Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella, with the latter dressed as Roddy Piper, complete with Goldust paint and a guitar. Marella says any of the legends he could face are the same. Piper is fat, Goldust is dressed as a woman and Honky Tonk Man is….oddly obsessed with pork chops?

This brings out Jim Duggan of all people, who says Marella is on the last minute of his fifteen minutes of fame. Marella is the flashiest of the flashes in the pan, but he says Duggan only won a gold medal at the Goodwill Games. Duggan refers to Phoenix as Marella’s boyfriend so she throws the kilt at him, allowing Marella to hit him with the guitar. Oddly enough, the villains get to leave after standing tall.

We look at WWE in Puerto Rico.

Cryme Tyme vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase

Non-title and Manu is here with Rhodes/DiBiase. Actually hold on as the three of them jump Cryme Tyme and lay them out before the bell. No match.

Cyber Sunday rundown.

Here are Mike Adamle, Batista and Chris Jericho for the double gauntlet match, as they will face the same three opponents.

Batista vs. William Regal

Regal has Layla with him and gets Batista Bombed for the pin in about 30 seconds.

Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

Non-title. Regal gets up and walks into the Codebreaker for the pin at about 6 seconds. I’m not sure how impressive that really is but I’m not sure how well they thought this out.

Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry

Non-title and Tony Atlas is here with Henry. Jericho goes after the knee to start fast but the Walls are easily blocked. Henry misses a splash and gets Lionsaulted for two. With nothing else working, Jericho grabs the belt and hits Henry in the head with the belt for the DQ.

Batista vs. Mark Henry

The spinebuster finishes Henry at about fifteen seconds.

For some reason Jericho has to keep wrestling despite losing the second match as I have no idea what is going on here.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Non-title and we’re joined in progress with Kane getting two off a running DDT. Jericho takes him into the corner and works on the leg but the Walls are blocked again. Kane’s side slam sets up a missed elbow so he goes up, only to get crotched by Jericho. Kane shoves him off the top and hits the top rope clothesline as Batista is rather pleased. Jericho gets dumped to the floor, where Batista backs him right into Kane. A big boot finishes Jericho back inside.

Batista vs. Kane

Jericho distracts Kane and Batista hits a spear for the fast pin. Apparently this makes him the winner?

Rating: D-. There was barely any action, but the bigger problem is pretty obvious: I have no idea how the rules worked and I don’t think WWE did either. Why did Jericho have to face Kane if he had already been pinned? This wasn’t so much a gauntlet match as much as it was some weird “who can get the higher score” match and I have no idea who would have won if they both went 3-0. But hey, heck of a way to have all three villains get pinned in a row!

Overall Rating: D+. Yeah I have no idea what to make of this show, as the only interesting thing about Cyber Sunday, at least on the Raw side, is who gets to referee Batista vs. Jericho. The problem there is they have completely lost the plot on why Batista and Jericho are fighting, making the whole thing a mess. It’s something about Jericho wanting respect from Mike Adamle? I think maybe? Either way, total mess here, with an ok tag match not being nearly enough to save the thing.

 

 

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Summerslam 2004
Date: August 15, 2004
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,640
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the second biggest show of the year and that could go multiple ways. Smackdown has been getting better as of late but it’s still not very good. Raw has had its moments, but with the second biggest match from the red show being HHH vs. Eugene, they’re working underneath a pretty low ceiling. Let’s get to it.

The theme is the Summer Games, giving us an Olympic themed opening. I’ve always liked these as they’re actually rather entertaining.

The opening video looks at the big matches, but Diva Dodgeball is in the middle, even before the Intercontinental Title and Smackdown World Title matches. I’m thinking no on that one.

Dudley Boys vs. Paul London/Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio

Spike recently joined his brothers and since there are no other teams on Smackdown, Kidman and London are still feuding with the Dudleys. Rey just walks out to his music, which takes a lot of the impact away. D-Von hammers on Kidman to start but gets armdragged down for his efforts. London comes in for an assisted moonsault and the dropkick gets two.

A rather hard clothesline takes London down and it’s off to Spike for some screaming stomps in the corner. Bubba comes in for the trash talking elbow drop and the villains start taking turns working on London. Straight right hands break up the comeback attempt but Bubba hits D-Von by mistake. Spike gets kicked away and that’s enough for the tag off to Mysterio.

The springboard legdrop gets two on Spike and a hurricanrana out of the corner makes things even worse. A reverse DDT plants D-Von and it’s back to Kidman for a top rope back elbow to Spike. Everything breaks down and a BK Bomb gets two on Spike. Bubba gets double dropkicked to the floor and Spike takes a Hart Attack of all things. The 619 sends Spike into the shooting star from Billy for two with D-Von making the save. Back in and Kidman walks into the 3D to give Spike the pin.

Rating: C. Well that was a dumb ending. You have Spike as Cruiserweight Champion and have him pin a Tag Team Champion to open one of the biggest shows of the year? You couldn’t have Rey pin D-Von here to let the fans feel good? This didn’t help anything other than building Spike up, which was done as well as it was going to be with the Cruiserweight Title win. Bad decision here, in a match that didn’t need to have this kind of a finish.

We recap Kane vs. Matt Hardy. Lita slept with Kane to get him to leave Matt alone, actually being stupid enough to believe it would work. As a result Lita is pregnant but still loves Matt. Therefore, she’s marrying the winner of this match. Somehow, not even the most bizarre stipulation in Summerslam history.

Kane vs. Matt Hardy

Matt goes straight at him to start and hits what I guess was a middle rope Side Effect for two. The middle rope legdrop to the back of the head gets the same and a weird looking tornado DDT (with Matt landing on his stomach) gets the third two. Kane finally hits a clothesline to take over but a Lita distraction lets Matt low bridge him to the floor.

The slingshot dive sets up a Twist of Fate for nine and probably the best chance Matt had. Lita throws in the bell and distracts the very stupid referee so Matt can clock Kane for two. Kane kicks him in the face and goes up but gets caught by Matt. That’s fine with Kane, who hits a super chokeslam for the pin and Lita’s hand.

Rating: D. Short and bad here, with Matt having less than no chance throughout. Matt has been destroyed and turned into an idiot this whole feud and Kane winning in the end was the only way it could go. Now just get to the wedding, which is destined to be the most entertaining part of this whole thing. The match was nothing that couldn’t have been done on Raw but with a nice looking ending. That’s also Matt’s last WWE match for about a year as he had a bad knee injury and was then released in April.

Randy Orton doesn’t want to hear about anyone being upset because tonight is a night for celebration. John Cena cuts him off and promises him some merch. He’s an Orton fan, but a quick fan poll seems to suggest that they don’t agree with him. And so it begins.

Booker T. vs. John Cena

Match #1 in a best of five series for Booker’s US Title. They slug it out to start with Cena hitting a clothesline for one. Cena gets in the Throwback for two so Booker crotches him on top to cut that off in a hurry. Booker throws in a You Can’t See Me and drops a knee for no cover. A jumping kick to the face cuts off Cena’s early comeback and it’s a camel clutch to keep things slow.

That’s broken up so Booker goes with a spinebuster and side slam to drop Cena again. The ax kick misses though and Cena hits his running clothesline out of the corner. That just earns him a flapjack into a Spinarooni but Cena hits a quick FU for the pin, ignoring Booker’s shoulder being way off the mat.

Rating: D+. That’s the third straight fast match here and that’s not a good thing on a show like this. They didn’t even have seven minutes here, which is the kind of match that could have been on Smackdown instead of wasting it on this show. Cena is likely losing the next two matches to put him in a hole which is fine, but I could have gone for a better start to this thing.

Eric Bischoff (“the head cracker in charge of Raw”) comes in to see Theodore Long and points out the revolving door to the Smackdown GM office. Bischoff advises him to enjoy it while it lasts but Teddy tells him to get to steppin.

Intercontinental Title: Batista vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Hometown boy Edge is defending and Batista is on fire at the moment. Speaking of Batista, he knocks Edge off the apron during his entrance and we hit the Y2J chants early on. A hard elbow knocks Jericho down and a shoulder does it again. Edge comes back in with a chop block to break up the Batista Bomb though and it’s time for some Canadian violence on Batista. Snake Eyes gets Batista out of trouble but Jericho grabs his boot to slow him down a bit.

A clothesline puts Batista outside and leaves Edge alone in the ring….where he’s booed out of the building. Well that’s rather surprising. Batista gets sent face first into the steps and we’re down to Jericho vs. Edge in the ring. Edge gets the better of the fight but gets loudly booed when loading up the Edgecution. The Walls attempt gets a much better reaction, though Edge reversing into a small package isn’t as well received. Back up and Jericho pokes him in the eye, setting up the full Walls of Jericho.

The hold is pulled back into the middle until Batista finally makes a save with the clothesline. Edge takes Batista down with an Edgecution for two as Jericho is banged up on the floor. The spear is loaded up but for some reason Jericho cuts Edge down on the way to Batista. A spinebuster gives Batista two on Jericho but this time it’s Edge sending the big man outside. That gives us another battle of the Canadians and another loud Y2J chant. Batista gets dropkicked off the apron but the distraction lets Edge spear Jericho down to retain.

Rating: D+. The odd crowd reactions threw things off here, though they’re not quite as out there as you might think when you remember Edge teasing a heel turn as of late. Now that being said, you would think the hometown deal would be enough to overcome the recent cheating but that wasn’t the case here. On top of that, the match didn’t have a ton of heat and was a string of one on one matches instead of all three at once. Edge retaining is fine, though Batista is getting bigger and bigger every week.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. Eddie cheated (kind of) to win at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for about five months. Angle is back now, though while he was on the shelf he cost Eddie the WWE Championship so Eddie is out for revenge and to prove that he can hang with Angle on an even playing field. This has been the best set up feud for the whole show and the match should be able to live up to the hype.

Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Angle has Luther Reigns with him. Feeling out process to start as the odd fans are cheering for Angle here. Shockingly enough Angle is more than fine against Eddie on the mat so Eddie tries for the ankle. He’ll settle for a headlock instead so Angle reverses into a quick keylock. Eddie armdrags him straight into an armbar but it’s time to start the rolling German suplexes. That doesn’t work either as Eddie reverses the second into the ankle lock as the wrestling lesson continues. Angle reverses into the real thing but Eddie puts his own on at the same time. It doesn’t last long, though cool idea there.

A rope finally saves Eddie so Reigns gets in a cheap shot like a good lackey should do. That means another ankle lock before Angle finally switches gears a bit for something close to an STF. With Eddie down, Angle starts untying Eddie’s boot but the delay lets Eddie get in a kick to the face. It’s right back to Eddie’s ankle until Eddie gets in an Angle Slam of his own. Eddie makes his comeback with right hands but the ankle isn’t exactly sturdy.

It’s fine enough for the Three Amigos so Eddie goes up for the frog splash, only to get caught with the running belly to belly superplex. Angle’s Angle Slam is countered into a DDT and another frog splash attempt misses. The Angle Slam gets two so Angle rips the boot off to set up the ankle lock again.

The roll through sends Angle into the referee so Eddie hits Angle and Reigns with the boot. Of course Eddie throws the boot away and falls down instead of hitting a frog splash, which would have made more sense. Eddie hits the frog splash for two a few seconds later and yells at the referee on the kickout. That’s enough for Angle to pick the ankle and put on the grapevine to make Eddie tap.

Rating: C+. What exactly are they saving all the time for on this show? That’s the first match to break thirteen minutes and nothing else has even hit nine. There are three matches left on the card and nearly an hour and a half left in the show, but nothing has even hit fifteen minutes yet. Did Diva Dodgeball need the extra time?

Anyway, this wasn’t all that great as the first few minutes were looking like the start of a thirty minute classic but then they just jumped the stolen finishers (which is becoming a rather tired trope) and had Angle break the ankle down for the win. This was dying for another eight minutes of build towards the finish but for some reason this show has to go as fast as it can because of reasons.

We recap HHH vs. Eugene. HHH found out that Eugene was his favorite wrestler and agreed to use him to help get the World Title if HHH could eventually make Eugene want to quit. In other words, it was a story that was way more complicated than it needed to be and Eugene, who started off as a very fun, unique character has turned into the clueless putz that cost HHH the title. Therefore, HHH must destroy him to prove that he’s better than a mentally disabled person who doesn’t know how to wrestle but imitates wrestling he watched on TV as a kid. In the second biggest Raw match on Summerslam. Of course.

HHH vs. Eugene

No one is at ringside for a bit of a surprise. HHH wins an early slugout but Eugene elbows him in the face so it’s time head outside. That means a chance for HHH to hide behind Lilian Garcia, allowing him to take over again. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Eugene blocks a suplex to the floor. Some right hands in the corner set up a Flair Flop and HHH has a bad knee. Believe it or not, it’s a way for HHH to sucker Eugene in again and outsmart him for a cheap shot.

A backbreaker keeps Eugene in trouble as JR freaks out of the fake injury. He certainly must have loathed Bret Hart then. The fans think Eugene sucks so his comeback isn’t exactly well received. HHH offers a handshake but this time Eugene is ready for him and pulls it into a Rock Bottom. The People’s Elbow is countered with the spinebuster to a face pop as the trip into the bizarre continues. HHH chokes away and it’s back to the floor for a whip into the steps.

Back in and HHH slowly beats on him, setting up the sleeper because this match needed a sleeper. Eugene escapes and hits a backdrop, followed by a middle finger and the Stunner. That’s enough to send HHH outside for a breather though and here’s Ric Flair because HHH is actually in trouble. The big boot into the legdrop connects but Flair gets knocked off the apron. Eugene goes up top and dives into the Pedigree but spins out, setting up a Pedigree on HHH instead. Flair puts his foot on the rope so it’s just a two, earning an ejection. Cue William Regal to knock Flair cold with the brass knuckles as the Pedigree finishes Eugene.

Rating: D. Well thank goodness for that. After a few months of getting frustrated, the great and mighty HHH came back and beat the comedy act in a match at one of the biggest show of the year. All it cost Eugene was all of the good will he built up too, but at least HHH got the big win. This whole story was really stupid and a huge waste of time, which really doesn’t work when it boils down to HHH needing almost fifteen minutes to beat a comedy guy. It was just bad all around and didn’t help anyone other than HHH, who didn’t get that much out of it anyway.

And then, Diva Dodgeball with the Diva Search girls basically in swimsuits while the Raw women are in matching gear. Before the game starts, Coach tells us about some trash talk that happened after Raw went off the air. They proceed to play dodgeball, which is in no way shape or form an excuse to have good looking women in barely existing clothing running around. The Diva Search girls dominate and win. Trish yells about the refereeing and then blames Victoria, triggering a fight. This took up nearly six minutes, which is about seven minutes too long.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Undertaker

No recap for this one because the build hasn’t exactly been thrilling. JBL won the title earlier in the summer and needed an opponent so Undertaker showed up. For some reason JBL decided he wasn’t afraid of Undertaker and brought out a mini version, who Undertaker wound up beating up instead. Then JBL brought in Orlando Jordan as his Chief of Staff because he needed a designated lackey.

Undertaker knocks him to the floor early on and the beating begins, including JBL’s arm going into the steps. Back in and JBL hits a quick swinging neckbreaker before going up top for a good looking top rope shoulder. An armbar doesn’t get JBL anywhere so Undertaker pulls on the arm as well and hits Old School. Undertaker grabs an ugly triangle choke until Jordan pulls the foot under the rope.

With that not working, Undertaker hits a big boot to JBL but misses a running version in the corner to let JBL take out the knee. The leg is wrapped around the post and a Jordan distraction lets JBL smash the leg with a chair. Undertaker gets sent into the barricade so Jordan can get in a few shots before sending him inside. The fans start the Wave as the leg work continues.

The leglock goes on as JBL is smart enough to just throw on a hold and let the fans die down. It’s not exactly thrilling for the fans at home but it’s a smart idea here. Undertaker fights out and pulls JBL down into a quickly broken kneebar. They head outside again with Undertaker hitting the apron legdrop. The announcers start chanting for the Spanish table but JBL snaps the throat across the top for a breather. Again JBL takes too long going up though and it’s a superplex for two.

JBL goes right back to the knee with a spinning toehold of all things but Undertaker hits a sloppy release spinebuster for two more. The jumping clothesline puts JBL down again and Snake Eyes into…a running clothesline instead of the big boot gives Undertaker another two. The chokeslam gets a delayed near fall, which seems to shock the announcers. Who hasn’t kicked out of a chokeslam? Jordan gets up for a quick distraction and it’s the Clothesline From JBL to give the champ two of his own. The referee gets bumped though and it’s a double big boot for a double knockdown.

Jordan throws the belt in for a shot to the head and the very delayed near fall with Jordan grabbing the hand to slap the mat. Undertaker finally beats up Jordan but eats another Clothesline From JBL. With the referee still down, JBL rains down right hands in the corner which is only done to set up the Last Ride. Jordan is back in with the belt so Undertaker takes it away and hits JBL for the DQ.

Rating: D. The thing is, it’s not even the worst match in the world. It felt like it was straight out of the HHH/Ric Flair Greatest Hits playbook with Jordan being the worst Flair impersonator of all time. The leg work was fine and JBL still wasn’t horrible yet, but the ending was pretty lame with Jordan being pathetic and JBL’s finisher not being able to do much damage. It’s not so much horrible or even bad as much as it is uninteresting and uninspired, which made for a very long seventeen minutes.

Post match the beatdown continues with the bloody JBL being chokeslammed through the roof of the limo. JBL does a stretcher job, guaranteeing a rematch. Of note: at some point during the match, a fan tried to climb onto the limo and security kept him from not only, you know, climbing onto the limo but also breaking the roof and injuring himself/ruining the spot.

Cole shows us a replay and tells us to listen. There’s no sound.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging after winning a battle royal and pinning Benoit in a tag match. Here’s your exchange that would never happen today: Lawler: “Hey JR you got a camera on you?” JR, dripping with sarcasm: “Yeah right here in my pocket.” The fans are all over Earl Hebner with the YOU SCREWED BRET chants as they stare each other down at the bell. Benoit drives him into the corner and takes Orton down for a rather early chinlock. A test of strength goes to Orton but he misses a knee drop.

Benoit is right back with the armbar and armdrags him down into another armbar. That’s reversed as well with Orton grabbing a Sharpshooter of his own. Benoit slips out of that and tries a Crossface, sending Orton to the floor where he posts Benoit to really take over. A second posting keeps the champ down and Orton drapes him over the top rope for good measure.

Something like a DDT on the apron gets Benoit out of trouble but he misses a dive through the ropes, sending himself HARD into the barricade. Back in and Orton hits the over the shoulder neckbreaker for two, followed by the chinlock. Benoit fights up for stereo crossbodies but gets up first for a northern lights suplex. A release German suplex has Orton in more trouble and the Sharpshooter goes on.

That’s good for two arm drops until Orton makes the rope so they’re both exhausted. Some rolling German suplexes put Orton down again but he gets his feet up to block the Swan Dive (FREAKING OW MAN!). The cover is countered into a Crossface but Orton rolls out. Back up and Benoit tries it again but Orton spins him around into the RKO for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a masterpiece but it was a good, long, well put together match with a completely clean ending that made Orton look like the better man. The new heel on top is long overdue and it’s nice to see Orton, who has gotten a lot better in a hurry, win the title here. Benoit’s title reign was very respectable and he beat HHH a few times, which is about as good as you’re going to get. It’s a rather good main event, though not exactly a classic.

Post match Benoit gets back in and shakes his hand, demanding that Orton be a man. Orton shakes his hand and Benoit leaves in peace, allowing Orton to pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is two different halves and it’s as noticeable as you’re ever going to see. The first four matches are all short and need more time while the remaining four, as in the big matches, either fail to live up to the hype or just aren’t very good in the first place. This show needed to be reshuffled a bit with some extra time being given to a few other matches. Stuff like Diva Dodgeball and the opener could have been cut to give the time to other matches. It would have done the show a lot of good, but there was only so much this show could do.

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s one of the biggest shows of the year and I can’t bring myself to get excited over it. This show really hasn’t been built up very well with only the Smackdown World Title match with Kurt Angle defending against Brock Lesnar offering much interest. The rest of the show feels very flat, especially the Raw World Title match which should have been Goldberg vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.

The United States Marine Corps Color Guard presents the flag and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. As always, it’s an outstanding performance.

The opening video shows a beach but the sun goes behind a cloud and the shot shifts to the Elimination Chamber. The narration basically makes it sounds like the Chamber is poisoning everyone’s souls and turning them all evil, including Kane, who isn’t even in the thing. I’d bet money that Jim Ross wrote that, thinking it sounded even more dramatic than when he gives the Cell human characteristics.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and Bubba brings out the American flag. The Dudleys jump them in the aisle and the beatdown is on with D-Von choking Dupree with the robe. An armdrag into an armbar (FEEL THE HATRED!) doesn’t go very well as Dupree takes D-Von into the corner so the champs can take over. D-Von is right back with the shots to the head, allowing the tag off to the very loud Bubba. It might be annoying, but I can always go for a partner making noise and being active on the apron instead of just standing there.

Grenier gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Bubba can stand between his legs for a loud scream. It’s not quite table time, allowing Grenier to get in a cheap shot so the champs can really take over. Dupree grabs a bearhug, which is quite the odd visual on someone as big as Bubba. A Bubba Bomb gets him out of trouble though and the not very hot tag brings in D-Von for the house cleaning.

Dupree gets powerslammed for two but the champs clear the ring again. The double spinebuster gets two on D-Von (there’s the crowd reaction, and all it took was kicking out of the champs’ finisher). Bubba comes back in for the Flip, Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up on Grenier. 3D connects but Grenier pulls the referee out, allowing a cameraman to deck D-Von with his camera, giving Dupree the pin. It’s the serviceman from Raw of course.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but not exactly the hottest choice in the world for an opener. Having the Americans lose to the EVIL Frenchmen doesn’t quite get the show off on the right foot and now we’re likely to see another rematch between these teams as this feud to show off THE POWERS OF AMERICA continues. La Resistance is fine to hold the titles, but they need something more than “we are French and therefore evil”.

Post match Spike Dudley comes in and gets beaten down as well. So after the big American military opening and carrying the flag, the Dudleys lose to the heatless champions again. The Dudleys would get the belts back a month later, but instead we need to see them lose here. Of course we also needed this match instead of the World’s Greatest Tag Team, Rey Mysterio, John Cena or Christian.

Coach tries to talk to the Dudleys but makes the mistake of praising La Resistance’s success. Bubba declares that people who hate America suck and promises to get the belts back.

Christian asks Eric Bischoff why he’s not on the show but Eric blames Steve Austin. Since he can’t wrestle, he offers to be Bischoff’s backup tonight. Bischoff has a plan though and promises to tell the world what happened with Linda on Monday.

We recap A-Train running Stephanie McMahon over last month and costing her a match against Sable. This turned into A-Train vs. Undertaker and WWE actually expects us to believe that this isn’t going to turn into Sable vs. Stephanie again.

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Sable is with A-Train in a rather nice outfit. Undertaker has bad ribs so he dodges a bit to start instead of going in full steam ahead. Instead of staying on the ribs, A-Train tries a headlock, allowing Undertaker to knee him in the ribs and take over. The running DDT gets two on A-Train and Old School connects early on. A shot to the ribs finally cuts Undertaker off (thanks for finally getting the idea Train) and some forearms to the ribs are good for two.

A-Train stays on the ribs with a vertical suplex, followed by a headbutt. Cole: “It’s like being hit in the head with a typewriter.” Normally I would question that, but Cole is the kind of dolt who would do that for fun. Undertaker manages Snake Eyes and a double clothesline puts both guys down for a quick rest.

A slugout goes to Undertaker (well duh) and a big legdrop gets two. For some reason Undertaker tries the Last Ride but a shove gives us a ref bump. The Derailer of course gets a delayed two and the referee gets bumped again. That is way, WAY too popular of a booking trope these days. A-Train hits the bicycle kick to take Undertaker down but gets a chair kicked into his face for two. The chokeslam gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. Matches against power guys like this can be Undertaker’s bread and butter but there’s only so much you can do to make A-Train interesting. The match wasn’t terrible and they kept it slow enough, but this Undertaker stands up for Stephanie thing is about as forced as you can get. There’s only so much you can do as a surrogate for Vince vs. Stephanie, especially when the best villain available for the spot is A-Train.

Post match Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Sable comes in and rubs his chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat and STEPHANIE IS BACK!!! WE CAN LIVE HAPPY LIVES AGAIN!!! Stephanie gets to do some catfighting until A-Train pulls Sable out. I guess this is what passes for a big moment around here.

Some fans in the front row think Goldberg is going to win the Chamber. Uh, thanks for that.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, which starts off looking a lot like Shane vs. Kane. Bischoff then decided that he hated Shane for stealing WCW from him back in 2001. You know, because that’s a story people were thinking about. Eric went after Shane, including having Kane attack him and cost him a match against Eric.

Then Eric went to Connecticut and may have forced himself on Linda McMahon. It came out of almost nowhere and really was more of a complicated way to get to Kane vs. Shane. It’s more of WWE thinking you could just toss a McMahon into a story and everything would be fine, which doesn’t work as well when you do it in two straight matches.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Bischoff addresses what happened with Linda, saying it happened again and again and again. Now he knows where Shane gets all of his energy, so here’s Shane in a….complete non hurry actually. Shane pounds him down in the corner with reckless abandon (Or is it still Ruthless Aggression?), followed by some forearms to the ear (called crossfaces by JR).

Eric can’t make it up the aisle as Christian might be coming off like a good idea right about now. A baseball slide sends Eric into the barricade as this has been one sided so far. Shane’s dancing punches take Bischoff down again but the Coach of all people comes in to chair Shane down. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Bischoff thought COACH was a better option than the Intercontinental Champion? I get that they want to protect Christian from having to get beaten up by Shane but that makes no sense from Bischoff’s perspective.

Eric says he’s restarting the match as falls count anywhere with no disqualifications so Coach sends Shane into the steps for two. They head inside where Bischoff tells the production staff to cut JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do live commentary in the ring. Bischoff throws kicks as Coach does the traditional job of mocking JR. Shane finally gets in a kick of his own and scores with a DDT, only to have Coach hit him low.

That’s enough to make the glass shatter, as everyone knew was coming. Coach does the “I’m not touching you” thing until Shane shoves him into Austin, meaning the beatdown can be on. The dispatching doesn’t take long and Austin orders JR and King’s mics be turned on again. Austin is about to leave but Shane grabs Bischoff’s hand and slaps Austin in the jaw, meaning a Stunner is perfectly acceptable. Shane pulls him up at two though, as the big elbow drives Bischoff through the announcers’ table for the pin.

Rating: F. What did this accomplish? There’s no reason this couldn’t have been the end of Monday Night Raw as the big deal was Coach turning heel. Use this valuable pay per view time (some of the biggest pay per view time of the year) on the people who matter, not for the sake of making Kane look good because he never gets to do that otherwise. This was really annoying, especially when you consider everything that was left off the show so this could get a lot of time.

Beer is consumed post match because this hasn’t eaten up enough time yet.

HHH and Ric Flair get very serious with Randy Orton, telling him that he needs to focus on keeping the title on HHH and nothing more. Orton: “What? I got it.”

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending under tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Tony Chimmel tells us that this is the four way for the US Title before telling us that this is the four way for the US Title. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie staying on the floor, which might not be the smartest move in the world here. With Tajiri sent outside, Benoit snaps the Crossface onto Rhyno, drawing Eddie in for the save. Rhyno clotheslines Tajiri for two and Eddie is there for the save again. Eddie gets triple teamed but Rhyno shifts over to Benoit for some reason.

A powerslam gives Rhyno two on Eddie as it’s still all over the place, albeit not at the fastest pace. Rhyno and Benoit are sent outside, leaving Tajiri to monkey flip Eddie for two. All four are back in with Rhyno superplexing Eddie for two with Tajiri making the save. Tajiri gets the same by kicking Benoit in the head but the champ saves this time. A headscissors puts Rhyno on the floor and Eddie’s rope walk hurricanrana gets two on Benoit.

Tajiri comes back in and gets caught in the Lasso From El Paso but Benoit quickly follows with a Crossface on Rhyno. Eddie isn’t sure what to do but Tajiri making the ropes makes his decision much easier. That earns Eddie a Crossface of his own until Rhyno and Tajiri break it up. Rhyno busts up Tajiri’s spine for two and it’s Benoit rolling some German suplexes to make Tajiri feel even worse.

Tajiri manages to get in one of his own though and bridges back for a close two, leaving everyone down at once. Back up and Tajiri gets Benoit in the Tarantula, leaving Rhyno to Gore Eddie. The problem is Eddie had the US Title in his hands to bust up Rhyno’s shoulder, leaving him down in pain. Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two as Tajiri dives in for a save, only to have both of them fall outside. Eddie sneaks in with a frog splash to pin Rhyno and retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was trying hard to be great. There were a few too many dead spots in there though and they never hit a higher gear that they were capable of, but at least they did well with what they did. Eddie stealing the pin after cheating with the belt makes perfect sense for him and it’s the right idea to keep the title on him with the roll he’s currently on.

We look at Brock Lesnar destroying Zach Gowen, who will be out for a good while as a result.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Matt Hardy accepted a forfeit win over Gowen.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock beat Angle for the title at Wrestlemania and Angle went on the shelf. While he was out, Angle and Lesnar became friends, which lead them to Vengeance where Angle won the title back in a triple threat. A few weeks later, Lesnar turned on Angle to join forces with Vince in the name of being the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock attacked Angle in a cage and left him laying, which has only ticked Angle off coming in to the title match.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is challenging and we actually get an old school rules explanation from the referee. They hit the mat to start with Angle getting the better of it (not exactly shocking) and frustrating Lesnar early on. Another takedown looks to set up the ankle lock but Kurt goes to a headlock that Brock can break far more easily. Odd thinking there. Back up and Brock shoves him away without too much effort so Angle armdrags Lesnar outside, frustrating Brock all over again.

Kurt follows him outside and starts in on Brock’s knee before sending him into the barricade. Back in and the first suplex gets two on Brock, who responds by gorilla pressing him out to the floor in a big crash (great visual with Angle just falling to the floor). Now it’s Brock’s turn for a suplex as he’s starting to look all surly. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Kurt and we hit the rear naked choke before that meant much to a lot of fans. It’s off to a regular bodyscissors instead, followed by a chinlock.

Of course Angle fights up (after Brock let go of two better holds), this time being cut down by a hard knee to the ribs. A hard clothesline drops Angle again and the move that would become known as Shell Shock (complete with walking around the ring) gives Brock two. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Angle’s ribs so Kurt hits him in the face. You don’t do that to Lesnar though and Angle gets more shoulders to his ribs for his efforts.

Brock’s big running charge goes into the post though and Kurt’s running shoulder block staggers Lesnar. A dropkick to the knee has Brock in more trouble and it’s time to roll the German suplexes (with Lesnar holding the shoulder off each one). The Angle Slam doesn’t work and Brock goes back to the ribs with a spinebuster. Since one finisher is countered, the other has to be as well so Kurt reverses the F5 into a good looking DDT for two of his own. Now the Angle Slam is good for two and Angle is even more fired up.

In my favorite Angle spot, he puts the straps back up so he can take them down all over again. The ankle lock goes on but Brock rolls forward, sending Angle into the referee. Kurt charges at him for what looks like a sunset flip but stops halfway, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck and arm (almost in an upside down triangle choke). Since that’s not the easiest hold to maintain, Angle switches over to the ankle lock for the tap but there’s no referee.

Cue Vince to chair Angle in the back, setting up the F5 for a delayed two. Another F5 is reversed into the ankle lock to put Brock in real trouble. He grabs all four bottom ropes but the hold isn’t broken for absolutely no apparent reasons, meaning Brock has to tap to retain Angle’s title.

Rating: B+. It’s not quite their Wrestlemania match but Angle getting his win back makes sense….in theory. They’ve been building Lesnar up as the unstoppable monster for the last few weeks so it would have made sense to have him win here (with Vince’s help) before losing the rematch down the line. That being said, I’m fine with Angle retaining here as it makes sense from the long term. In other words, this one depends on how you look at it, but it’s a rather strong match either way.

Vince gets an Angle Slam through a chair to wish him a happy birthday.

We recap Kane vs. Rob Van Dam. Kane lost his mask and despite Van Dam trying to calm him down and say that he didn’t need the mask, Kane went crazy and started destroying everything in his path. This included beating up Van Dam, Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon and setting Jim Ross on fire. This seems to be setting up Kane vs. Shane, but first Van Dam gets his shot tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred, which is added right before the match. JR refers to Kane as the “byproduct of an inbred mongrel dog”. As I so often wonder of both JR and Jim Cornette: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? Van Dam tries to start fast but gets clotheslined down in short order. They head outside with Kane sending him into the barricade but charging into a boot, allowing Rob to follow up with another kick to the face.

Van Dam gets posted though and it’s time for a ladder. Rob is smart enough to kick it into his face, followed by a top rope kick to the chest. A crossbody puts them both on the floor and of course Kane takes over again. The announcers talk about what Kane did to Linda, which is both a good and bad idea. It’s good in that it shows you what Kane is capable of and how evil he is, but it also shows you how unimportant this match is because it’s all about Shane vs. Kane down the line.

Back in and another kick to Kane’s face knocks him into the corner (there’s certainly a pattern here) as JR deems Kane smelly. Kane shoves Rob off the top and down onto the barricade as the violence starts to go the monster’s way again. The ladder to the face drops Rob again and it’s time for some simple choking. Thankfully the referee doesn’t break it up because that comes off as barring a hold, which might get a lawyer involved with his life.

Rob gets kicked outside again and this time Kane follows by going to the top, only to dive into the barricade by mistake (that looked bad on replay as Kane seemed to slip, leaving him without enough distance and sending him head first into the barricade). Now it’s Rob getting in a ladder shot, which Kane of course shrugs off.

A DDT on the floor knocks Rob silly but he’s able to drop toehold Kane into the steps. The spinning kick from the apron drops Kane again, followed by Rolling Thunder onto the chair. Kane sits up so Rob dropkicks the chair into his face for good measure. The Van Terminator misses though and a Tombstone onto the steps is enough to end Rob.

Rating: B. Nice brawl here but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t mean anything given the story they’ve already told us is coming. Rob was trying here though and made the match fun, especially with the story of the wrestling going to Van Dam and the hardcore stuff going to Kane, but we’re heading for Kane vs. Shane and everyone knows it.

Bischoff is banged up and doesn’t want to talk about his loss but Linda McMahon comes in. Eric starts stammering and gets slapped in the face as the billionaire gets revenge. I can totally relate.

Flair gives HHH a final pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

Long recap on the main event, which also features a look at the Chamber. HHH was scheduled to defend against Goldberg one on one but a torn groin necessitated a multi-person match because Heaven forbid HHH take a spear and Jackhammer and lose in a short match with the excuse that he wasn’t ready or was wrestling hurt or any other idea they had. Somehow we get Kevin Nash in another main event though, because that’s what the world was waiting for. There have been some personal issues added after the match announcement but it still feels a little thrown together.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

The intervals are three minutes this year because we need to move this along. Goldberg slips during his entrance, which is edited out of the Network version (though he goes from standing in the middle of the stage to a few steps to the right off a camera cut). Shawn and Jericho start us off as the fans chant for Goldberg. They hit the mat to start for the Flair pinfall reversal sequence before trading slaps.

Shawn backdrops him but has to switch to a small package to escape the Walls attempt. Jericho can’t hit the Lionsault so instead we’ll listen to JR mess up history by saying this title has only changed hands once before in Arizona. That’s some nice sounding trivia, but remember that this title isn’t even a year old yet and has its own lineage. Sure that doesn’t mean much, but this is the way WWE has set things up and they can’t keep it straight. Anyway, Orton is in third with a high crossbody for two on Shawn, followed by the signature backbreaker gets the same on Jericho.

The RKO is broken up though and Jericho backdrops Orton onto the steel. Now the Walls work just fine on Shawn but it’s Kevin Nash in fourth. That’s enough for Jericho to break it up and go after Nash, who isn’t happy with his new haircut. I find it rather spiffy, even as Nash throws Jericho into the Chamber wall. Nash’s side slam gets two on Orton and Jericho is busted open. Nash goes over for a Jackknife, only to get superkicked down, allowing Jericho to roll him up for the pin, meaning Nash was in there for all of two minutes.

HHH is in fifth….and Shawn superkicks him right back into the pod. Nash isn’t done yet though and Jackknifes Jericho and Orton as a parting gift. Shawn, who is down off throwing a superkick, covers both villains for two each. Everyone punches it out until Goldberg is in to complete the field. Right hands and forearms abound and it’s the spear to get rid of Orton in short order. Jericho gets launched onto the cage floor again and another spear sends him through the Plexiglas.

As Goldberg gets back in, Shawn scores with a forearm followed by the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music misses though and it’s a spear and Jackhammer to get us down to three. The same thing gets rid of Jericho and it’s HHH (who still hasn’t gotten out of the pod) vs. Goldberg for the title.

Flair shuts the pod again and holds it shut as well as he can, only to have Goldberg break the “unbreakable Plexiglas”. Some right hands keep HHH in trouble and Goldberg sends him into the Chamber walls a few times. A clothesline takes him down again and HHH is busted open. Goldberg loads up the spear but Flair slips HHH the sledgehammer to knock Goldberg cold and the title is retained.

Rating: D. This wasn’t even twenty minutes long. The best way to describe this match would be a middle finger to the fans who are nearly dying to see HHH lose that freaking title already but we need to make sure he’s ready to give Goldberg the rub or something. I’m not sure how WWE can validate keeping the title on HHH when they have Goldberg right there and HHH can barely move, but I’m sure it’s just the right thing to do, at least according to HHH. That’s 2003 in a nutshell: cheer for whomever you want, but you get HHH.

The rest of the match was of course nothing because Goldberg was the only person who could conceivably win the thing. Instead of something competitive and compelling, it was fifteen minutes of waiting around on Goldberg, then Goldberg crushing people for a few minutes, and then HAHA IT’S THE SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN! The ending was so deflating that there’s not

Evolution beats Goldberg down and handcuffs him to the Chamber because WWE needs to demonstrate how to book Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t even that bad, but rather almost completely flat. There are a few good matches with Brock vs. Angle being a highlight but that just made me want to watch the Wrestlemania match again. The TV coming into this show has been really dull due to a lot of McMahons and while they were used more sparingly here, you could still feel them throughout the whole show. That main event really took the life out of the whole thing though and there was nothing else that was going to fix things. Not a good show, but it could have been worse.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: C-

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: F

Rhyno vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B-

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B+

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: B

HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: D

That’s one of the hardest swings I’ve ever had on a show but you can see a little consistency in there somewhere.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/08/summerslam-count-up-2003-meet-the-old-hhh-same-as-the-new-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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