Monday Night Raw
Date: January 29, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s the night after the Royal Rumble where the big story was the debut of Ronda Rousey, who came out for a staredown with Charlotte, Asuka and Stephanie McMahon to end the show. Other than that we need a #1 contender, which is why the qualifying matches for the Elimination Chamber begin tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at Rousey’s debut and all the mainstream coverage. I couldn’t escape this story today and that’s a big reason why this was done.

Jonathan Coachman is welcomed back to the announcers’ booth.

There are new match graphics for the first time in what feels like forever. That’s a good thing too as sometimes you just need to freshen things up.

Here’s a dancing Stephanie McMahon to recap last night’s women’s Royal Rumble. After taking way too long to do so, Stephanie brings out Asuka to ask about which champion she wants to face. Before she makes that decision though, she needs to know that Alexa Bliss will be defending the title in the first women’s Elimination Chamber. Asuka says something in Japanese before talking about becoming champion because no one is ready for her. This brings out Sasha Banks to mock the “nobody is ready for Asuka”. Sasha disagrees and wants Asuka tonight.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Last man standing and joined in progress with the fight heading into the crowd. Strowman hits him with a chair and knocks Kane into an anvil case. That means it’s time to go to the announcers’ area, sending the announce team bailing in a hurry. Kane gets knocked down in front of the table and Braun turns the whole thing over (desk and stage) on top of him for the win at 2:41. What in the world was that? A way to write Kane off TV and make Strowman look dominant? Didn’t they do that half a dozen times already?

Post match a stretcher is brought out and Strowman says he just did his job.

Back from a break with the announcers on the stage, talking about how Kane has been sent to a medical facility. Therefore, cut to the back to see Kane being rolled around on a stretcher.

Strowman is still here when Kurt Angle comes up and tells him to lay off. Strowman says he’s right…..because Strowman can do more. He’s going to be the last man standing at the Elimination Chamber and then he’ll be the last man standing over Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Elias vs. Matt Hardy

Before the match, Elias talks about taking out John Cena last week. For now though, his mind is on Wrestlemania and the song is about wanting to take out Brock Lesnar on Elias’ night. The announcers have moved to ringside as Elias takes Matt down with a headlock to start. Matt comes back with some chops and grabs a cravate while saying DELETE over and over. The Twist of Fate is broken up and a clothesline puts Matt down as Elias gets way more fired up in a hurry.

Matt gets taken down with his arm being wrapped around the post as we take a break. Back with Matt getting two off a Russian legsweep as we keep looking at the destroyed announcers’ table. People: it’s a table on its side, not the car door that Brock threw into the crowd. The Side Effect gets two and we’ve got Bray Wyatt. Well at least his lights going out thing, allowing Elias to hit a running boot to the face. Drift Away ends Matt at 9:48.

Rating: C-. Not much to the match but I’m digging the heck out of this Elias push. It’s clear that they think something of him and that’s a very good thing. He has a good gimmick and the people are buying into it so there’s not much missing. What is missing is something interesting between Matt and Bray, which feels like another forced Wyatt feud. It would be a good idea to have Bray be more calm and sinister rather than so over the top for a change but that’s what WWE seems to like about him.

Bray pops up on screen and laughs.

Miz, doing one of those hand held promos that seem to be becoming the norm, says tonight he’ll retain the Intercontinental Title. Once he does, he’ll deserve a standing ovation like the one Tom Brady should receive on Sunday when the Patriots beat the Eagles.

The announcers now have a desk at ringside.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is defending and gets punched in the face to start as the beating is on in a hurry. For some reason Miz tries a chop and is suddenly the Ric Flair to Reigns’ Sting. The champ gets knocked outside for a whip into the steps as the one sided beating continues. Reigns grabs a chair to chase the Miztourage off but Miz posts him to take over as we take a break.

Back with Reigns fighting out of a chinlock and grabbing a Samoan drop. Glad to see some things never change. Miz actually wins a bit of a slugout until Reigns hits the corner clotheslines and a big boot to take over again. The YES Kicks have Reigns in trouble and a chop block puts him down.

We hit the Figure Four for a good while until Reigns turns it over, sending Miz to the ropes. Reigns’ lifting sitout powerbomb gets two so Miz goes to the turnbuckle like last week. That’s intercepted though and Miz pokes Reigns in the eye so the Skull Crushing Finale can get two. The Superman Punch gets the same but here’s the Miztourage to interfere again. That earns them a Superman Punch and a spear but Miz grabs a rollup to retain at 18:07.

Rating: B-. These two have some good chemistry together, which is rather surprising given both of their reputations. Miz retaining is the right call here as it seems like they’re setting up Reigns on the comeback trail. You know, because we’re supposed to buy that Reigns is someone who faces adversity and wasn’t anointed as the chosen one several years back.

We recap the Elimination Chamber qualifying matches and Braun’s path of rage.

Rhyno/Heath Slater vs. Revival

Joined in progress for a change with Slater working on Dash’s arm. Wilder isn’t about to stand for someone showing up their ability to work on a limb so he takes Slater down by the arm instead. Dawson comes in for a belly to back suplex and it’s back to Wilder for an armbar. A neckbreaker takes Wilder down but Dawson comes in and cuts the ring off. It doesn’t work as Slater makes the tag anyway but it was cool to see. Rhyno comes in and hits a shoulder as everything breaks down. Dawson gets in a shot to the knee and the Shatter Machine ends Rhyno at 3:21.

Rating: D+. That’s all this needed to be as Revival gets another win. Of course they need this win to rebuild themselves after last week but the Shatter Machine will get them out of a lot of problems. Just give them a run towards the titles and let them be the old school Andersons style team and everything will be fine.

Post match the Revival asks Charly Caruso how they compare to the Graham Brothers. Charly isn’t familiar with them (humbug) and Wilder isn’t surprised. She’s just like these fans who chant ECW and try to get themselves over because they’re stuck in the past. This….could be interesting.

Dudley Boyz Hall of Fame video. What do you want me to say here? This is the biggest layup of a tag team not named Demolition that you’ll ever see.

Balor Club brags about Balor’s time in the Rumble and he wants to move on to Wrestlemania anyway. Now he has to get by John Cena to get to the Elimination Chamber so that’s what he’s doing tonight. Anderson and Gallows have done wonders for Balor, though not as much as getting away from Wyatt and the Demon vs. Abigail thing.

Sasha says she’s ready to end Asuka’s undefeated streak.

Asuka vs. Sasha Banks

Banks slaps her in the face to start and takes Asuka into the corner for a ram into the buckle. That just earns her a kick to the head and a hip attack to put Sasha on the floor. Back in and some kicks to the legs set up the armbar to keep Sasha in trouble. Banks fights up with a kick to the face and running double knees as we take a break.

We come back with Asuka in trouble after the double knees in the corner, followed by the double arm crank. A headscissors into a very fast Bank Statement is countered into a rollup for two. Sasha gets it right back on but Asuka rolls out again before being sent outside. Banks’ dive is blocked with a kick to the face for a SCARY crash to the floor.

Back in and Asuka unloads with a knee to the face and some HARD strikes to the head. The hip attack in the corner sets up a missile dropkick for two so it’s off to the cross armbreaker. Banks reverses that as well and Asuka’s running hip attack misses, sending her outside in a heap. Banks follows with the knees off the apron (nearly crushing Asuka’s head in the process) and more of them off the top for a close two. The Bank Statement goes on again but Sasha tries to move it back to the middle, allowing Asuka to reverse into the Asuka Lock for the tap at 14:28.

Rating: B+. This was in the “beat the heck out of each other” school of wrestling with Sasha’s knees hitting Asuka over and over while Asuka just survived the whole thing and caught Banks at the end. That’s the biggest win Asuka has had yet in WWE and if she can beat Charlotte, whoever finally beats Asuka is going to look like the biggest conqueror ever. Excellent match here and a lot of fun, especially after how big last night was.

John Cena wants to join Asuka and Shinsuke Nakamura in knowing how they’re getting to Wrestlemania. Maybe on a plane, a train or a bus, but maybe an Elimination Chamber. For everyone wondering when he’s done, he’s just getting started.

Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Titus Worldwide

The Bar is defending. Crews rolls Sheamus up for two less than ten seconds in and does it again less than a minute in. Titus comes in and forearms Sheamus down, meaning it’s time for the Titus Worldwide pose. It’s off to Cesaro, who gets chopped in the chest and tossed around with ease. A blind tag brings in Sheamus for a forearm to the back and we take a break.

Back with Sheamus cutting off a hot tag attempt and bringing Cesaro back in for a double clothesline. Titus gets knocked to the floor but chops Sheamus in the chest and pulls him throat first into the ropes. Back in and Titus hits a clothesline and the hot tag brings in Crews. A top rope clothesline looks to set up a standing moonsault but Crews has to land on his feet instead.

Crews dropkicks him down and now the moonsault get two as Cesaro comes back in to launch Crews into a powerbomb where he lands HARD on his head. Thankfully he’s back up with an enziguri but has to roll through a high crossbody for two. Not that it matters Crews is sent into the post, setting up Super White Noise to retain the titles at 12:25. Titus disappeared at the end of the match.

Rating: B-. Another match that went beyond its league and that’s a good thing. Titus Worldwide can grow off of this mini push and it was very nice to have some fresh air in the division. Of course having three matches between the same team didn’t help things, but I’ll take what I can get.

We recap Rousey’s debut again.

We recap Strowman’s destruction earlier. Apparently Kane sat up in the emergency room and pulled himself to his feet. Kane left the hospital and no one has seen him since. So they couldn’t catch a 50 year old man who has been banged up tonight? How bad are these doctors?

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Finn Balor vs. John Cena

Balor has Anderson and Gallows in his corner. The fans are behind Balor of course as he takes Cena down into an armbar. Balor does it again but Cena takes him down with two straight headlocks. Cena gets sent outside and points at a fan as we hit a test of strength. The fans are looking at something else, which is initially booed and then cheered. The camera cuts to the side as Cena looks into the crowd to see what’s going on. Cena punches Balor down and we take a break with Cena looking at the crowd again.

Back with Cena tossing Balor into the corner a few times but stopping to look at the crowd. The announcers say the fans are getting to him, which is a weird way to go with Cena. The finishing sequence is initiated but the Shuffle takes WAY too long, allowing Balor to move. Balor gets two off an Eye of the Hurricane and scores with the Pele.

The Sling Blade sets up the shotgun dropkick but Cena is right there with a clothesline to take him down. Cena grabs the AA for two and goes to the apron….where he tells Coach that he’s just trying to go to Wrestlemania. He takes way too long to go up top and Balor kicks him down, setting up the shotgun dropkick. The Coup de Grace misses and Balor bangs up his knee. We hit one of the worst looking STF’s Cena has ever put on but Balor makes the rope. Balor takes too long going up and it’s the Super AA for the pin at 17:48.

Rating: C+. Weird crowd and weird Cena aside, this was only pretty good. The problem is both guys should be in the Chamber and Cena is likely getting the Undertaker match (erg) so I’m not sure why they needed to have Cena beat Balor here. That being said, I’m more confused about the whole crowd thing. Is that Cena’s latest crisis of confidence as we head to New Orleans? It seems like he has one every other year. Oh and Balor wasn’t buried. He lost, but that’s a far cry from being buried.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this one a lot actually as they had an energy all night long. It felt like they were trying to get to a goal now instead of just going through the motions of heading towards the Rumble. Hopefully that means we get something good in the next nine weeks as Wrestlemania approaches, but if history has shown me anything, it’s to not get my hopes up.

Results

Braun Strowman b. Kane when Kane couldn’t answer the ten count

Elias b. Matt Hardy – Drift Away

The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Rollup

Asuka b. Sasha Banks – Asuka Lock

The Bar b. Titus Worldwide – Super White Noise to Crews

John Cena b. Finn Balor – Super AA

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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The big day is here. We’re less than twenty four hours away from the “2018 Royal Rumble” and that means we’re in for one of the biggest nights of the wrestling year. In this case we have two Royal Rumble matches to go with two far less interesting World Title matches, but the double Rumble on its own should be enough to carry the show as far as it needs to go. Besides, even if the Rumbles are terrible, they’re still Royal Rumbles and that makes them entertaining by definition.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Bobby Roode(c) vs. ???

This is an open challenge with new champion Roode defending against an opponent to be named. In this case, that could be anyone and that makes this a little more interesting. It also opens the door for another Rumble name if a surprise shows up as there’s always the chance that someone will work two matches on the show, though that tends to not be the case most of the time.

I’ll take Jinder Mahal to answer the challenge and Roode to retain. The other options would likely be Tye Dillinger and Dolph Ziggler, though I would need therapy to get my head around the idea of Ziggler vacating the title and then coming back to try and win it in a regular match. Roode should of course retain and sadly enough, he has to do it on the pre-show.

Kickoff Show: Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

You know, I’m already more optimistic about this match than I was when they fought Monday on “Raw”. Really, it can’t get any worse for the Revival than what happened to them there so it’s a nice relief to know we might actually get an interesting match. At the very least there isn’t likely to be a completely unnecessary legends beatdown, so things are looking up.

Unfortunately I’l take Anderson and Gallows to win here. Not that they need it more (though a win would be nice for them) but more laong the lines of WWE seems to like the idea of throwing someone out there and having them lose in a short match before having them lose in a longer match. This should be fine though, and if Revival can pull off the win, even better.

Kickoff Show: Kalisto/Lince Dorado/Gran Metalik vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

Watch them put this on the pre-show second, leaving one of the other matches to get the empty arena treatment. This feels like any other six man tag you might see on “205 Live” and as luck would have it, the same three good guys fought TJP and two other partners on this week’s show. For WWE, this is impressive progress.

I’ll take the luchadors to win because really, it’s not like it matters one way or another. We’re still waiting on the new General Manager to take over “205 Live” and reset things (again) so sthere’s no way of telling what to expect at the moment. You’ll get some nice dives and flips, but really there’s not much to this one. It’ll serve its purpose of warming up the crowd, but that purpose is low when there are so many other matches on the card.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan(c) vs. The Bar

Jordan and Rollins have only been champions for a month now and it already feels like they’ve had them for a year. I’m not sure why I’m supposed to be interested in Jordan’s heel turn and move into a feud with Rollins in the injured Dean Ambrose’s place but that might suggest that WWE has to come up with something that fits instead of just writing a new story two months out.

I’ll take Rollins and Jordan to retain for now but you know they’re going to lose the titles in the near future. Sheamus’ injury issues would suggest that they’re not the best options in the world to take the titles so I’ll wait on Anderson and Gallows to win the titles, probably at “Elimination Chamber 2018” For now though, it’s more miscommunication as we wait on the heel turn.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles(c) vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

What a weird title match. Does anyone believe we’re going to have co-champions? I get that the idea is something about Shane McMahon vs. Daniel Bryan in their ridiculous power struggle story because WWE for some reason thinks that’s more important than the World Title situation, but for now we’re getting this match for the title on one of the biggest pay per views of the year.

I’m not sure how, but Styles retains here, possibly through interference from the two bosses. I mean, it’s hard to imagine that they’re not at ringside to keep the focus where it needs to be, but other than that we’re likely watching a lot of double teaming from some great heels while they try to make the match work. Styles can be great against either of them, but for some reason they’ve gone with the least appealing match they could choose. But yeah, Styles retains.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos(c) vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

This is a 2/3 falls match, which seems like a smart idea on a show with so much time to fill. If they spend their time right, they can put together something very entertaining here as they all know how to fly around the ring and be very entertaining. The Usos have been the best team in the company for a very long time and that could make for a fun match, especially given the amount of time they should have.

I’ll take the Usos to retain here as their feud against the Bludgeon Brothers seems to be set in stone from here. Benjamin and Gable are almost guaranteed to win one fall and then we can move on to the teams going crazy in the third fall. The Usos are more than capable of rocking the house with good challengers and that’s what they have here. This should be a lot of fun.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar(c) vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

This is being written a few hours after Johnny Gargano and Andrade Cien Almas rocked the house for the NXT Title. Now why do I have a feeling that this one might not have the same level of emotion? The Universal Title has continued to be a thing that exists while we wait until New Orleans and there’s just no hiding that.

I’d like to say Braun Strowman wins here just for the sake of some false hope but it’s going to be Brock Lesnar pinning Kane (though pinning Strowman wouldn’t shock me) to retain the title and head on to the big title match with Roman Reigns. Hopefully this approaches the intensity of the hoss fights from late last year but I’m not exactly buying the idea of Kane being able to do that. Hopefully he doesn’t slow things down too badly, but he should just be there to take the pin.

Men’s Royal Rumble

The more I think about it, the more drama I think there might be in this. That’s a little bit of a change of pace as WWE has done next to nothing to hype this match. It’s really just been “hey it’s the Rumble” and we’ll worry about the rest later. There are a few potential winners and while some of them are more interesting than others, as usual, it’s going to boil down to just a few options.

I’m torn on this one but I think I’m going to go with Roman Reigns. It’s either going to be him or Shinsuke Nakamura (or maybe John Cena) but it would be better if they didn’t waste our time with the false hope of Reigns not going to the title match in New Orleans. Of course they could use this to make a new star but that doesn’t seem to be their cup of tea lately. Hopefully it happens here though, as they REALLY need that at the moment.

Women’s Royal Rumble

I’m starting to get more interested in this one as I’m curious to see what they might throw in here to fill in the spots. That being said, EGADS WHY MUST STEPHANIE MCMAHON BE ON COMMENTARY DURING THE ENTIRE THING??? I really could go without the announcers cowering in fear of her hatred of all things pronouns and trying to be all casual and funny while speaks the corporate line all match.

The more I think about it, the more I think Nia Jax takes this. Asuka seems to be a little too easy and hopefully it sets up Asuka vs. Charlotte. Asuka vs. Alexa Bliss II isn’t a Wrestlemania caliber match and they would be crazy to go there when Charlotte is an option. Go with Jax and see who she gets to face for the title while FINALLY giving her a big win at the same time. It’s a better story, but none of the options are really great.

Overall Thoughts

Like I said, they’ve done a pretty pathetic job of setting up this show. They’ve focused on the two World Title matches without realizing that there’s not much to either of them in the first place. The “Raw” match is the most obvious ending in the world and the “Smackdown” match is more about the bosses being passive aggressive to each other than the title match or the wrestlers involved. That’s not lost on the fans and it hasn’t helped make me interested in the show.

Other than that we have the two Rumbles themselves, which haven’t built up anyone but Asuka as a real threat to win either match. You could go for Nakamura or Reigns, but other than the two of them the thing feels like it could be anyone winning, even though almost no one has been built up for either match. Hopefully the matches do better than they seem on paper, which should be the case given that it’s the Rumble.

Oh and for surprise picks: Kaitlyn, Michelle McCool, Tommy Dreamer and for some reason, Ryback.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

We’re almost to one of my favorite matches of the year as the Royal Rumble is almost upon us. Well the double Royal Rumble in this case but you get the idea. The interesting thing this time around is either Royal Rumble could go in multiple directions and that makes things a lot more fun. So what to do with each one? Or the title matches for that matter?

We’ll start with the men’s Rumble, which is probably the hardest of the four top matches to pick. You really could go in several different ways, but the best option would seem to be either Roman Reigns or Shinsuke Nakamura, who are the favorites on at least one betting site. The more I think about it the more I’m leaning towards Reigns, as you can imagine WWE wanting to “get it right” in Philadelphia this time around.

As for the women’s Rumble….dang again. While it’s hard to imagine anyone not named Asuka winning this, the fun part might be guessing who is going to be in the thing. We already know eighteen names announced, leaving twelve in the air for either legends or NXT talent. I can’t imagine we see Ronda Rousey but after this week’s Raw, Trish Stratus and the Bella Twins are all strong possibilities. Asuka will win, but the fun part is seeing who she defeats to get there.

Then we have the World Title matches with one of them being a little easier to predict than the other. That would be the WWE Championship match as I can’t imagine Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens taking the title from AJ Styles and becoming the co-champions. AJ should retain here, and then we can figure out an opponent for him down the road (likely at Fastlane).

Finally there’s the Universal Title match and really, there isn’t a ton of doubt here either. Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar is all but chiseled into stone for Wrestlemania XXXIV in New Orleans. With Kane around, they can easily keep the title on Lesnar without taking anything away from Braun Strowman. That’s especially important with Strowman having a pretty big match on the Wrestlemania card.

The show should be a lot of fun, but those Rumble matches alone should make the card worth seeing. They’re much more interesting than the two World Title matches, mainly due to the wide open fields. It’s one of my favorite nights of the year and this time around the best part is doubled.

Royal Rumble 2015
Date: January 25, 2015
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,164
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Now this is one I’ve been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I actually didn’t mind the main event the first time around but ever since then I haven’t been able to think of a single good thing that match did. It should be interesting (hopefully) to see how far this thing has fallen in just a year. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day

Talk about a year making a big difference. Cesaro and Kidd looked to be the hottest team in years and now they’re both out while New Day, who looked to be a horrible disaster, actually IS the hottest team in years. As usual, time can change so much in wrestling. As usual, Woods is the odd man out here. Adam Rose is here with Kidd/Cesaro for no adequately explained reason but the fans would rather cheer for Cesaro anyway.

Kidd and Big E. get things going as the announcers talk about the Rumble instead. Ok to be fair, it’s a pre-show tag match with nothing on the line so I can live with it here. Big E. grabs a few backbreakers to start before it’s off to Kofi for two off a dropkick. Cesaro comes in for a BIG reaction and you can tell who the star of this match is going to be.

It’s quickly back to Big E. who takes over with a shoulder in the corner, followed by a middle rope cross body from Kofi. Lawler: “I like New Day but I’m excited to see what they’re going to evolve into.” Cesaro and Kidd take Kofi into the corner and I still don’t get why Rose is on the floor. Like, I don’t remember that in the slightest and it’s bizarre to see a year later. The Cesaro Swing into the dropkick (still awesome) gets two and we take a break.

Back with Cesaro holding Kofi in a chinlock but Kingston comes back with a dropkick to Kidd. Big E. starts cleaning house with clotheslines and the fans are REALLY not pleased. Cesaro charges into a Rock Bottom (well close enough to one) out of the corner for two. Kidd is sent to the floor for a flip dive from Kofi, followed by Big E. spearing Cesaro through the ropes for a big crash.

It’s Cesaro on his own against both guys but Big E. is sent outside and Kofi gets kicked in the head, setting up a superplex into a springboard elbow from Kidd for a VERY close two. A sunset flip gets two on Kofi with Cesaro holding Kidd in place for a smart move. Trouble in Paradise is countered into the Sharpshooter but Big E. makes the save with a belly to belly. Rose gets on the apron and gets kicked in the head, only to have Kidd grab a fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin on Kofi at 11:03.

Rating: B-. Well that worked. This is why having a hot tag division is so important: you can wake up the crowd in a match that really doesn’t matter either way because both teams looked great. New Day could clearly go in the ring but it would still be a few months before they really figured it out. Well that and until they were allowed to have some personality, which was the cure all along.

The opening video is about finding the moment that cements what you are. However, there can only be one. Tonight, someone’s moment becomes a reality. The triple threat gets a little attention as well.

New Age Outlaws vs. Ascension

This is fallout from the Outlaws, the NWO and Acolytes beating down the Ascension for not respecting the veterans enough or something. Yeah it ruined another act that was built up for over a year in NXT but HHH’s buddies got a pay per view appearance out of it. Gunn and Viktor get things going and all it takes is a hiptoss to draw the YOU STILL GOT IT chant. Fans get easier to impress every year. Dogg comes in for the shaky knee drop on Konnor but the young guys take over with a chinlock.

As the match slows down (likely so the Outlaws can breathe), JBL regales us with tales of Bullet Bob Armstrong vs. Buddy Colt. Konnor puts on a chinlock and Dogg taps, likely because tapping out wasn’t a thing when he started. The match keeps going anyway with Dogg avoiding an elbow drop, only to be chinlocked down by Viktor. That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Billy to clean house, only to miss the Fameasser and walk into the Fall of Man for the pin at 5:26.

Rating: D. And of course this launched the Ascension up the card and into the Tag Team Title scene forevermore. Yeah of course they never recovered after getting beaten down by a bunch of old retired guys and then winning a meaningless match against a long past retired team because…..yeah I think you know why this didn’t work, or at least you should.

We look at Sting saving Cena from Big Show/Kane/Seth Rollins on Raw. Sting isn’t on the show or anything but he had a cameo there of course. Cena winning however did get Dolph Ziggler, Ryback and Erick Rowan their jobs back but Rowan didn’t qualify for the Rumble. At least the match meant something.

The Authority isn’t pleased with Sting doing that WCW nonsense around here. Cue Paul Heyman who says Brock can help with their problems, whatever those are.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Damien Mizdow/Miz

The Usos are defending but Mizdow is the most over guy in the match. Speaking of things that have changed a lot in a year. The Usos took the titles from Miz/Mizdow to close out 2014 so this is the rematch. Jey and Miz get things going and the fans already want Mizdow. Something like a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two on Miz as Cole recap Miz trying to get Naomi on their side with promises of Hollywood fame.

Miz gets crotched on top so Mizdow (gently) does the same, continuing the one idea act that somehow had fans cheering for him. Miz’s top rope ax handle is punched out of the air so Mizdow goes up and dives into a punch from no one. The fans think Mizdow is awesome, meaning it’s time for a chinlock from Miz himself. The Reality Check gets two but Miz won’t tag Mizdow in. Again, this doesn’t make a ton of sense as Miz is making himself wrestle the whole match by himself.

Anyway, Jimmy gets away and tags in Jey to take over with the running Umaga Attack in the corner but Miz grabs a DDT for two. Everything breaks down and both Usos hit a dive to take out both challengers, though Jey almost misses Miz, drawing a rather rude chant from the fans.

Back in and Jey misses the Superfly Splash, allowing Miz to get two off the Skull Crushing Finale. The second attempt at the Splash connects but Mizdow breaks it up, drawing the loudest pop you will EVER hear for a heel breaking up a cover. Mizdow’s Skull Crushing Finale gets two on Jimmy, who superkicks Miz into a powerbomb from Jey. Jimmy’s Superfly Splash retains the titles at 9:20.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here as Miz/Mizdow’s one joke is long past its point of interest and we’re just waiting on Mizdow to turn, which would of course take too long to mean anything as WWE would screw it up again. It really is amazing how far the tag division has fallen in just a year as all the injuries and screwiness have turned the division on its head. The Usos are still the Usos though and that’s all that matters.

The pre-show panel chats a bit and we look at the pre-show match.

J&J Security play the new WWE mobile game until Seth Rollins comes in to yell at them for not being serious enough. Rollins says he’s been called the future but he’s the right now.

Wrestlemania ad. I had forgotten how much I hated that theme song.

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

No idea what the story here is but I’m sure it’s Total Divas related. Nikki and Paige get things going with Paige not being able to Irish whip her. It’s off to Natalya who gets two off a kick to the back of the head. Brie comes in to work on the arm as the announcers joke about which twin is older. I’m not sure why this is supposed to be funny but they certainly think it is. A double suplex puts Brie down and Paige does her slow, crawling cover for two.

Natalya comes in and covers as well but for some reason she isn’t legal. Even Paige is confused as she grabs Brie again and now tags Natalya in all legal like. Brie gets two off a quick slam and it’s back to Nikki for a Hennig neck snap. Lawler: “Name two countries and then a state.” Cole: “It was a joke.” It’s as random as it sounds. Now it’s off to Lawler approving of the Bellas’ looks as they take turns on Natalya for some near falls.

Brie puts on a chinlock for a bit before both Bellas grab a leg and roll forward to flip Natalya onto the back of her head. Nikki puts on a headscissors and does push-ups to drive Natalya’s face mere inches away from the mat. Natalya powers up and drops Nikki on her back for the break and avoids a clothesline, only to have Brie pull Paige off the apron. Nikki’s big forearm puts Natalya away at 8:02.

Rating: D. We don’t even have time for a hot tag? This wasn’t much to see but again, it’s all about the Bellas because they’re the stars on Total Divas and know how to act like the Kardashians or whatever. Nikki would get a lot better after another six months on top of the division or so, but that would be a very long six months.

Roman Reigns says he’ll beat his performance from last year.

Stardust does his usual and Goldust says he’s right.

Rusev says he’ll win and promises to crush whoever wins.

Miz says this is his year and Mizdow repeats everything. Again: that’s not what a stunt double does.

Big Show says he’s not mortal because he’s a giant.

Fandango says no one understands the power of the tango.

YES, Daniel Bryan thinks he can get back to the main event of Wrestlemania.

We recap the triple threat for the World Title. Rollins tried to cash in Money in the Bank on Lesnar at Night of Champions while Cena was challenging, triggering a feud between Rollins and Cena. Tonight they both get their shot in what should be awesome.

WWE World Title: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The fans just explode on Cena with the JOHN CENA SUCKS song making its return. I was there when it debuted and that’s a pure thing of brilliance. Lesnar on the other hand is treated…..well about how you would expect Philadelphia to react to him. Rollins bails to start and there’s the first German suplex to Cena. Another one drops Cena again so J&J come in, only to get a German of their own.

Rollins kicks Cena in the head but gets pulled inside to face Brock all alone. It’s time for more German suplexes and the fans loudly applaud. There’s a regular suplex to Rollins and we get an ECW chant. Brock grabs a Kimura on Cena but John lifts him up, allowing Seth to springboard in with a knee to the champ. Cena and Rollins get smart and double team Lesnar, only to have Seth throw John to the floor for one off an AA.

Brock pops up like a daisy and sends both of them outside, only to have Rollins knock him into the steps. As J&J are in a heap next to the barricade, Cena starts his usual finishing sequence on Rollins but Lesnar breaks up the Shuffle with another German suplex. Seth breaks up the rolling Germans though as he needs Cena to help fight against Brock. Makes sense. A knee to the back puts Brock on the floor but the champ is right back in for the save as Seth covers Cena.

Back up and Cena throws Rollins to the floor and actually drops Brock with some clotheslines. Seth pulls Cena outside and tries a springboard, only to get caught in a big F5. That is some terrifying strength. Brock loads up a table for some reason so Cena gives him three straight AA’s for two with Rollins making a last second save. There’s a Curb Stomp from Seth and this time Cena has to dive in and break up the cover. The fans think this is awesome (indeed) as everyone heads outside, where Cena spears Lesnar through the barricade.

Brock keeps getting up so Cena throws him into the steps and blasts him in the face for good measure, knocking the champ onto the announcers’ table. Rollins feels left out so he drives Brock through with a HUGE top rope elbow and Cena is the only one standing. The non-Lesnars head back inside and Seth hits a quick low superkick for two. The AA doesn’t work so Cena Batista Bombs him for a VERY near fall.

Not to be outdone, Rollins reverses a superplex attempt into a running Buckle Bomb for two more. Both guys are spent so Rollins tries a Curb Stomp, only to get caught in the STF. Cue J&J from their comas for the save as a stretcher comes out for Brock. There’s a TripleBomb for two on Cena but he ducks a briefcase shot and AA’s both J’s at the same time. He should not be able to do that twenty minutes into a match this physical. Or any match for that matter.

Another AA gets two on Rollins and the Curb Stomp gets the same on Cena as the fans are freaking out on these kickouts. We’re told Brock has at least a broken rib as Rollins busts out the Phoenix Splash on Cena. Not that it matters as a TICKED OFF Brock gets back in for some German suplexes, only to have Seth hit him in the face with the briefcase. Rollins loads up a Curb Stomp onto the case but you don’t try that on Lesnar, as he counters with a HUGE F5 to retain at 22:42.

Rating: A. Good grief what a battle. This was the night where Rollins became a star and people knew that he was going to be champion soon. Cena put in his normal amazing performance here as well, but good night Brock looked like a monster. This is the beast that WWE wanted to build up for someone to take down and it worked perfectly here. Just outstanding action here with all three looking like they had been through a war. This was the instant match of the year leader and it would take something special to knock it off.

Brock walks off as the medics are stunned.

Rumble By The Numbers video.

Royal Rumble

Good luck following that. Miz is #1 and R-Truth is #2 with 90 second intervals. They start slowly (smart here) until Truth gets in a few pelvic thrusts. Truth is sent to the apron a few times and gets crotched on the top until Bubba Ray Dudley makes a big surprise return at #3. You think that might wake the Philadelphia fans up a bit? Bubba is fired up to start and gives Miz the Dusty punches before R-Truth plays D-Von (I’m not touching that one) on What’s Up.

Now it’s table time but Miz gets up, only to be put back down with a 3D. There go Miz and Truth as Luke Harper is in at #4 for a hoss fight. They slug it out boo/yay style but Harper elbows out of a Bubba Bomb. A big clothesline drops Harper but Bray Wyatt is in at #5. Bubba isn’t sure what to make of him and Bray does his big freaky smile. The fans want D-Von (fair enough idea) but Bray sends Bubba into a clothesline and dumps him a few seconds later.

Harper and Wyatt stare at each other and Curtis Axel is in at #6, only to have Erick Rowan jump him from behind and destroy him, kicking off Axelmania because Axel was never officially eliminated. Rowan (not part of the Family at this point) gets in and teases a reunion against Bray, only to be quickly double teamed. Erick almost gets Harper out but Bray dumps them both and points to the sign. In another surprise return, the Boogeyman is in at #7. Cole: “It’s the eater of worlds against the eater of worms!” His entrance takes forever and Bray dumps him like the jobber that he is.

Sin Cara is in at #8 and gets in a few shots, only to get punched out of the air. Sister Abigail sets up another elimination and Bray is on a roll. With no one to fight, Bray grabs a mic and issues an open challenge to everyone in the back because this is his year. It’s time to sing until Zack Ryder is in at #9 (apparently returning from shoulder surgery), only to be eliminated even faster than Cara.

NOW things get interesting as Daniel Bryan is in at #10 to one of the loudest reactions you’ll hear since…..well since the last time Bryan was in a big match probably. Daniel speeds things up a lot with some running dropkicks in the corner as JBL tells Bryan not to go so hard because he needs to pace himself. Preach it JBL. A middle rope hurricanrana puts Bray down and it’s Fandango in at #11. Well that’s quite the drop in star power. He goes after Bryan but stops to dance, allowing Bryan to flip out of a belly to back suplex.

We go old school (way old school actually) with an airplane spin until Tyson Kidd (with his sweet theme song) is in at #12. A springboard missile dropkick drops Bryan and Fandango is quickly dropped into the corner, leaving Kidd and Bryan to slug it out in what could rock with about fifteen minutes. Stardust is in at #13, with Cole saying it’s his Rumble debut. No Cole, no it’s not. I get what he’s going for and no Cole, no it’s not.

Fandango and Stardust take turns skinning the cat before Stardust takes out the knee to get Fandango in trouble. Bryan eliminates Kidd but Bray is back up, only to be knocked through the ropes and out to the floor. You know that means a suicide dive from Daniel, followed by Diamond Dallas Page in at #14 for another surprise. Stardust is right on him but there’s the first Diamond Cutter. JBL: “Do they teach that in yoga class?”

Fandango takes Page down but gets crotched on top, setting up a super Diamond Cutter for a very nice pop. Bray pounds on Page but takes a Diamond Cutter of his own, which is one step too far. The guy is a monster and shouldn’t get dropped by a retired legend. Rusev comes in at #15 and superkicks Page before eliminating him. Side note: put Page in the Hall of Fame already. He has the resume and he’s worthy of canonization after what he accomplished with Roberts and Hall.

Rusev dumps Fandango and puts Bryan on the apron, allowing Bray to knock Daniel out. That right there is pretty much it for this Rumble meaning anything as we now know it’s all about Reigns, even though the fans aren’t going to be interested no matter what. I know you can’t have Bryan win here, but you could at least give him a run near the end. This was a bad idea and the DANIEL BRYAN chants starting up a minute after he’s gone don’t bode well for the rest of the show.

Goldust is in at #16, giving us Goldust, Stardust, Rusev and Wyatt. The brothers go after each other for a bit until Kofi Kingston is in at #17. Kofi goes after Bray as the fans are booing everything presented to them no matter how watchable it is. All five wind up in one corner for some reason with no eliminations until Adam Rose is in at #18. The Rosebuds do the full entrance and catch Kofi as he’s launched over the top for his annual save. Rusev dumps Rose with ease and kicks Kofi out a few seconds later to get us back to four. Roman Reigns is in at #19 and oh man this is going to be good.

The fans go nuts on Reigns as he fires off the running corner clotheslines and gets rid of Goldust and Stardust in rapid succession. Big E. is in at #20 and only gets kind of booed. Rusev is right on him and that gets booed loudly out of pure spite. Rusev hits a quick Cannonball on Big E. and it’s Damien Mizdow in at #21 for a bit of relief from the fans. Miz cuts him off and wants the spot but Reigns shoves him down and Damien, egged on by the crowd, goes in as well.

Mizdow cleans some house but is thrown out by Rusev in less than twenty seconds. Dang they really don’t want the fans to cheer anything tonight do they? Well other than Reigns of course. Jack Swagger is in at #22 and gets in a few nice shots until Bray cuts him off. We’ve got Wyatt, Swagger, Reigns, Big E. and Rusev at the moment until Ryback is in at #23. That means more power brawling with Meat Hooks and suplexes all around. Bray and Rusev continue their loose alliance to to get Ryback in trouble and there’s a CM Punk chant for the latest false hope.

Kane is in at #24 and you know the people aren’t happy with that. The match slows down a bit with Kane putting Ryback on the apron and Big E. doing the same thing to Swagger. Those attempts go as far as you would expect and it’s Dean Ambrose in at #25 to give the fans something to actually cheer for. Dean goes for Rusev to start but has to stop a charging Kane. The fans are WAY into Ambrose as he’s the first guy they’ve wanted to cheer for in about fifteen minutes.

Titus O’Neil is in at #26 and put out in four seconds by Ambrose and Reigns. So much for that one. The ring is getting too full and Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett makes it even worse at lucky #27. Everyone brawls against the ropes until it’s Cesaro in at #28. Cesaro fires off a bunch of European uppercuts but he can only get Ambrose to the apron. Rusev dropkicks Big E. out to clear a little room but Big Show takes his place at #29.

Everyone goes after him but Show throws them away before starting a chokeslam contest with Kane. There goes Ryback thanks to both giants and Show dumps Swagger. A chokeslam sends Rusev rolling out under the ropes and it’s Dolph Ziggler in at #30 (Remember when “who is #30” was the big question every year? Now it’s just another entrant. It’s kind of sad really.), giving us a final grouping of Wyatt, Rusev, Reigns, Kane, Ambrose, Barrett, Cesaro, Big Show and Ziggler.

Here’s the thing: that’s actually a stacked final set of people. Wyatt, Rusev, Ambrose, Barrett, Cesaro and Ziggler are crowd favorites, Big Show and Kane are at least good monsters to conquer and Reigns is…..well that other group is really popular. The problem here is NO ONE but Reigns has a chance and the entire audience knows it, making this inevitable rather than anything interesting.

Ziggler superkicks the giants and takes them both down with the running DDT. Barrett is sent to the apron and superkicked out but Ziggler gets caught in the Cesaro Swing. Cesaro sends him to the apron but Dolph gets him to the apron for a superkick and an elimination, only to have Big Show and Kane put Ziggler out. That also gives Kane the all time record for Rumble eliminations.

The giants throw Bray out like he’s no one (thanks for the 47 minutes Bray) and the fans are getting even angrier than they already were. So it’s Ambrose/Reigns vs. Big Show/Kane with Rusev forgotten on the floor. Roman is bleeding from the mouth as he clotheslines Show down but he and Dean can’t get rid of the bigger giant. Kane boots Roman in the face and the KO Punch knocks Dean silly, giving the giants an easy elimination. Reigns is suddenly even less popular as the inevitability gets that much closer. Even Cole acknowledges that the fans hate this.

Reigns fights back and the booing gets even louder until Kane and Show start fighting, because the last SIXTEEN YEARS of these two fighting isn’t enough. They fight next to the ropes and Reigns gets up for a double elimination, actually sending the fans into silence for the win.

Kane and Big Show get back in and beat Roman down even more, complete with a double chokeslam. The fans remember that Rusev is still in but here’s the Rock to help save his cousin. He cleans house and drops both giants to a nice reaction until Reigns Superman Punches Show into a Rock Bottom. Rock leaves and Rusev gets back in, only to get speared and eliminated to really give Roman the win at 59:31.

Rating: D-. WOW. This is somehow so much worse than I remember it as WWE was clearly going out of its way to clear the path for Roman but the fans were having none of it. The problem here is a simple one: there was never any drama. Look back at 2012 for a second. The final two were Chris Jericho and Sheamus, neither of whom were interesting choices to win. However, the final three minutes of that match are AWESOME as you really didn’t know who was going to win and both guys had a real chance. That’s the easiest way to get fans to like the Rumble, or really most matches.

This Rumble is really more like 1993 than anything else. That was the year of Yokozuna and everyone knew it, though there was the slightest chance of the Undertaker winning it. However, Undertaker went out in the middle of the match and the rest was just a waiting game to see who was on Yokozuna’s victim list.

That’s exactly what happened here. Everyone knew Reigns was the heavy favorite no matter who they wanted to win and the ONLY person with a real chance of beating him was Bryan. This year Bryan was the twelfth man eliminated, leaving about thirty five minutes left in the match. That’s a long time for the fans to sit around with little to no hope as things get worse and worse. The best false hope they had for the rest of the match was Ambrose and that just wasn’t going to happen.

On top of that, you have Big Show and Kane as the big bads for Reigns to conquer. That’s fine on paper, until you look at all the papers labeled “Raw Results” where you see how many times he and everyone else has beaten both of them. Instead of some group of the popular guys at the end, it was Kane and Big Show for the first ending. Then there’s Rusev for the false hope spot but Reigns destroyed him too before winning.

So yeah, this was one big mess all designed for Reigns to look like a hero and it failed miserably. It boils down to a simple concept that actually takes me back to the Russo days to a degree: you have to earn it. The problem here is Reigns hasn’t really accomplished anything to earn this spot and the fans are rejecting him. Austin dominating the 1998 Rumble worked because the fans had seen Austin go through a lot of wars to earn the right to be the top dog. Reigns’ big moment was a win over Randy Orton at Summerslam 2014. That’s not exactly huge and the fans hadn’t forgotten.

Ignoring the Reigns part for a minute, this was a really dull match. Bubba was a cool surprise and Page was good for a Diamond Cutter, but Boogeyman? Other than that and Bray’s dominance (which went nowhere), this was really dull stuff. Kofi being caught by the Rosebuds was a good quick chuckle but really low on his list of saves. Just a horrible Rumble from start to finish with only a few bright spots throughout.

Rock poses with Reigns and the fans STILL boo. The Authority comes out to glare a lot as Reigns celebrates and points at the sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Oh yeah this was bad. The triple threat is the only thing keeping this from being a disaster as the rest of the card is a bunch of nothing tags and then a disaster of a Rumble for the last third. The Rumble itself really is that bad and drags an already bad show down even lower. It’s balanced out a bit by the triple threat but twenty two minutes of awesome can’t make up for an hour of horrible. Terrible show here and thankfully WWE finally figured out that Reigns wasn’t ready yet, because he just wasn’t here.

Ratings Comparison

Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day

Original: B

Redo: B-

Ascension vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Usos

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

Original: D-

Redo: D

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

Original: A

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

How in the world did I add that one up last year?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/01/25/royal-rumble-2015-more-teasing-than-a-15-year-old-on-prom-night/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 25, 2003
Location: Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Summerslam and HAHA HHH is still World Champion thanks to a sledgehammer to Goldberg’s head. That’s pretty much all we have on the less important story, but we do have Shane McMahon still wanting to fight Kane. Now though, Eric Bischoff has the Coach as his backup, which was arguably the second biggest Raw story coming out of last night’s show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Goldberg being destroyed after losing in the Chamber last night. Just in case you had forgotten that HHH and Evolution were the strongest forces in the universe you see. We even get BONUS footage of Goldberg being carried out.

Here’s Goldberg to open things up. JR: “Goldberg’s career was destroyed by Evolution last night.” They’re certainly hammering in the HHH > Goldberg idea so far and we’re not even four minutes into the show. Goldberg says the title belongs to him and he wants to face HHH for said title right here tonight.

HHH takes his shirt off and Flair seems to enjoy rubbing his bicep quite a bit. He doesn’t even see Goldberg as one of the top five guys in this industry. Last night HHH proved that he was the best in the world today (Flair points out the best body as a bonus). Goldberg guarantees that he’s coming for the belt, whether he has to follow HHH to his home or even into his sleep.

As you make your Nightmare on Elm Street jokes, Goldberg promises to win the title. HHH lists off all the names that he’s beaten and wonders why Goldberg thinks he’s any better. Goldberg: “I’M GOLDBERG!” Really that’s all he needs to say, but this is WWE, where Goldberg needs to have a personality.

The match is set for Unforgiven but Goldberg has to put his career on the line. That means he’s done and doesn’t go to “some second rate promotion like Smackdown”. Goldberg quickly agrees and promises to make this HHH’s funeral. They actually kept this a bit shorter and it got its point across: HHH rules the world and Goldberg is lucky enough to get to be in it for the time being.

Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim

Gail jumps her during the entrances and chokes Trish with her coat. They get in for the opening bell with Gail breaking up a sunset flip and getting in a shot to the face for two. We hit the early chinlock and even a belly to back suplex doesn’t break it up. Back up and Trish gets in a whip to the corner, only to charge into a boot.

We’re back to the chinlock (I get the idea of sticking close to the veteran but this is ridiculous) so Trish rams her into the corner. Gail reverses to something like a dragon sleeper but Trish climbs the corner into a near Sliced Bread #2 for the real break. Back up and Trish wins a slugout and scores with the Chick Kick for two. The Chick Kick is enough to pin Gail.

Rating: D. The ridiculous levels of chinlocking here really held things down but it’s better than Gail’s variety of hurricanranas. These women still need personalities as other than Trish, we barely know anything about them. Gail is a heel now….why? Molly at least has the title but as soon as she loses that, what else is there that sets her apart? Let them talk or give them some vignettes or something but develop the division (Does three people make a division?) somehow.

Post match Molly comes in and knocks Trish down before glaring at Gail.

We look back at Eric Bischoff implying that he slept with Linda McMahon last week.

Post break Molly chokes Gail. After mentioning that she got Gail into the company (see, that’s a detail that tells us ANYTHING about Gail, which is more than we’ve gotten to date) and they need to team up and take out Trish. Gail agrees.

Here are Teddy Long and Rodney Mack to announce the newest member of Thuggin N Buggin Enterprises. Therefore, here’s the newest member to team with Mack.

Rodney Mack/Mark Henry vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak

Aside from a match on Heat, this is Henry’s first WWE match since October. Garrison shoulders Mack down to start as I still try to figure out why a wrestler is named Garrison Cade. Mack runs him over as well and grabs an early chinlock (we’ve seen enough of that tonight). That lasts as long as you would expect and it’s off to Jindrak for the big dropkick, followed by a run up the ropes into a spinning clothesline.

That’s enough for Henry, who comes in and tosses people like villagers in a King Kong movie. Jindrak gets to the top for another clothesline but gets pulled out of the air for the World’s Strongest Slam and the pin. Henry was impressive here, but the longevity is all that matters. Well that and backing the Mack.

Lance Storm is annoyed at Goldust for sending him into the women’s locker room and leaving a woman there for him to find (not shown on last week’s show). Goldust calls something a healthy relationship and we look down at Minidust enjoying Storm’s leg. Rosey of all people comes in to ask about a disturbance.

Storm doesn’t have time to listen but a production worker (who is played by Jessie from Tough Enough II) mentions that there was a man in the ring with a gun. Rosey runs off to stop him but Hurricane comes in and finds out that it was a t-shirt gun. Putting the comedy together might be the right idea, though Rosey and Hurricane are much funnier.

During the break, Rosey attacked the t-shirt guy but Hurricane came in to ask him whatsupwithdat. And that’s it. Quite the anticlimactic ending when we had a midget, a gun, a Tough Enough cameo and two superheroes.

Video on the Rundown (I liked that movie), which is of course edited off the Network.

Steve Austin recaps the Coach joining Bischoff last night, earning himself a beating in the process (of course altering the reality a bit, much to the fans’ delight). A banged up Bischoff comes in and wants to hear the truth. Since Coach did the right thing, tonight he’s going to be named Employee of the Month tonight. Austin better stay out too.

La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. Dudley Boyz

This is fallout from last night where Conway (the serviceman from last week and last night who now officially has a name) cost the Dudleys the Tag Team Titles. Lillian has a hard time keeping track of all the names because she’s not the most competent announcer in the world. Before the match, Conway introduces himself and blames the Americans for being too ignorant to get why France is amazing.

This war against “terrorism” is ridiculous and the people are following him like sheep. Conway talks about how we need to pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan and treat the French with respect. See, the Americans are the REAL terrorists. As usual, this has been your moment of patriotism beating you over the head.

Spike is the only Dudley to come to the ramp as Bubba and D-Von come in from the crowd for the sneak attack. Jerry talks about how much he love France, such as Pepe Le Pew being his favorite cartoon character (Does that really surprise anyone?). Spike gets in a Dudley Dog on Conway and brings in Bubba for the house cleaning as this isn’t seeming to have a ton of time. Dupree takes 3D and the Dudley Dog drops Grenier. Bubba tosses Spike onto Dupree but Conway gets in a belt shot to put Bubba away in a hurry. In other words, this story must continue. For AMERICA you see.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel, now with the end of Saliva’s King of My World as the theme song. Jericho is banged up but is gutting it out here. Last night he would have won but it was Goldberg getting in his way. That brings him to his guest, but first he needs to explain the rather horrible Bischoff and Linda segment from last week. We see the clip again and it’s no less creepy this time around. Jericho refers to Linda’s noises as she tried to get away as “hot stuff”.

This week’s guest is Linda McMahon, meaning that awesome old Wrestlemania theme. Jericho gets right to the point by asking if she and Bischoff “made it like two Arizona jackrabbits”. Linda says security was there as soon as the cameras went off and Linda is thinking about firing Eric. Well of course she is.

Anyway here’s an annoyed Vince to interrupt. Vince yells at Linda for “deciding” to fire Bischoff without his approval so there will be no repercussions on Bischoff for what he did last week. Linda isn’t a victim because Vince is the only real victim around here. He’s a victim of their failed marriage and what came out of her demon infested womb. It’s Linda’s fault that Stephanie and Shane hate him but Linda thinks he needs psychological help. That’s laughed off but Vince agrees that he might need help dealing with the kids. He feels a lot like Kane because everyone has turned on him too.

This brings out Shane because we don’t have enough drama yet. Shane tells Vince that he can rot but Jericho cuts him off. Jericho sucks up to Vince and punches Shane for showing up without an invitation. Vince makes Jericho vs. Shane for later tonight. This was more McMahon drama and that’s the last thing WWE needs. The McMahons aren’t interesting in such heavy doses and it’s not getting any better when Vince is going back and forth between shows.

We recap the opening segment, just in case you forgot about how great HHH is.

Randy Orton vs. Maven

Shawn Michaels is in Maven’s corner. Orton takes him down without much effort as JR recaps the show to show how horrible it’s been so far. Stereo dropkicks go nowhere so it’s Orton taking over with the backbreaker. Some uppercuts keep Maven in trouble and Orton whips him into the corner so hard that he falls down. Flair gets annoyed at a two count and gets on the apron. Shawn gets up as well, allowing Ric to poke Maven in the eye.

That earns Flair Sweet Chin Music, followed by Orton missing the dropkick. The RKO is broken up as well (with JR mentioning for perhaps the only time ever that RKO are Orton’s initials) and a spinwheel kick takes Orton down. Maven gets shoved into the ropes though and the RKO gets two with Orton pulling him up. Orton hits his own Sweet Chin Music for the pin. You can pencil in Orton vs. Shawn for Unforgiven, which is a win that Orton could really use.

Rating: D+. Maven is a lot better now, to the point where he’s not embarrassing himself anymore in a five minute match. Orton is starting to get the hang of things, but this put too much attention on Flair vs. Shawn, which tends to be a common problem with Orton’s matches. A win over Shawn might help, but it has to be done right.

A lot of staring ensues.

It’s time for the Employee of the Month Award presentation. After a photo opportunity with the plaque (which doesn’t actually say which month the award is for), Coach talks about doing what his boss said, which doesn’t make him a bad guy. Bischoff is the kind of guy who recognizes talent, unlike Austin. Coach was only treated this way because he’s not Austin’s boy, right JR?

We see a clip of JR returning to take Coach’s announcers’ position, which seemed to annoy Coach at the time. Coach isn’t happy that JR wasn’t more thankful or professional and now he wants an apology. As for now though, Coach wants an apology from Austin for last night. Bischoff: “What the h***?” That might seem a bit random, and that would be because he says it before Christian’s music hits for a surprising interruption. Is it really that hard to wait for a cue?

Christian wants an apology for not being on the show last night (preach it brother) so here’s Austin with an envelope in his back pocket. Austin gets straight to the point: Coach couldn’t carry JR’s jockstrap, let alone his job. The envelope contains a sympathy card….in the form of Austin’s middle finger. Good thing Austin had that envelope ready just in case Coach asked him for an apology and he knew what joke he wanted to do.

Coach says the King and a cowboy sound like the Village People so Lawler offers to come take care of him. Christian cuts them off though and wants to know what’s going on. Austin: “You think you’re special?” So the Intercontinental Title, which Austin re-introduced last year and called important, isn’t special? Austin has an idea.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Jerry Lawler

Christian is defending and I need my headache medicine. Coach takes Jerry’s place on commentary and the distraction lets Christian get in a cheap shot. Some right hands get Jerry out of trouble for a few seconds and let’s look at commentary again (Why is that such a common thing around here?). We hit the chinlock with a knee in Lawler’s back and BACK TO COMMENTARY with Coach making fun of the cowboy hat. At least get some fresh material.

JR, for about the eighth time so far: “Let’s call this wrestling match. By the way folks later tonight, Shane McMahon is going to fight Chris Jericho.” Christian gets punched out of the air and more right hands keep him in trouble. Coach makes fun of JR repeating words and Lawler slams Christian off the top. The fist drop has Christian in trouble but Coach leaves commentary to pull Jerry out at two. The chase allows Christian to get a rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: F. This show is somehow getting worse. So now, the Intercontinental Champion, who is not special and not able to get on Summerslam, needs help from COACH to beat a semi-retired wrestler and full time commentator? All in the name of pushing Austin vs. Bischoff in an attempt to recreate Austin vs. McMahon? This was really, really stupid and that’s becoming way too common.

Kane watches Shane come to the ring.

Christian celebrates in the back as Coach does the interview. Austin comes in to make Coach vs. Lawler for next week. Good grief it’s continuing.

Shane McMahon vs. Chris Jericho

Hey look: another non-wrestler. Shane is ready for a cheap shot from behind (because he’s smarter than Jericho) and hits an awkward looking backdrop. A kick to the face has Shane staggered but he’s still able to avoid a charge and put Jericho on the floor. Shane puts him on the timekeeper’s table but Kane’s music and pyro go off for a distraction (no Kane). Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to put Shane on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Jericho chopping away in the corner but diving into a DDT. Again, because Shane is smarter than he is. A clothesline gives Shane two but a jumping enziguri puts him down again. The Lionsault hits knees but Shane gets crotched on top, setting up a superplex. Now it’s Kane coming out for real (I guess he plays mind games now) coming out to chokeslam Shane for what should be a DQ but seems to be a no contest because WWE doesn’t know how wrestling works.

Rating: F. The wrestling was fine, but the booking here is a failure by definition. According to this, Shane McMahon should have been in the Elimination Chamber last night because he can go move for move with Chris Jericho. I know WWE loves Shane but can they at least make it look like he’s just a brawler with some great athleticism who is getting lucky to survive? This was treating Shane like a top level wrestler on Raw, making his matches on pay per view feel a lot less important. As usual, WWE misses the point.

Kane leaves through the crowd with Shane following for a brawl in the back. The fans react to a City of Tuscon sign (“IT SAYS OUR TOWN’S NAME! YAY!”) as Shane catches up with Kane, who slams him back first into a wall over and over. Naturally Kane has a bunch of gas cans ready and he starts a dumpster fire. Kane loads Shane up but gets knocked in instead as we hit the action movie trailer shot of Shane looking at the fire to end the show.

Overall Rating: W. As in wrestling. I figure I might as well make something about it because wrestling doesn’t matter on this show. No, what matters around here is beating patriotism into your head, a story based around sexual assault, Minidust, a stable called Thuggin N Buggin Enterprises, the Intercontinental Champion being a worthless player on the show, burning a man alive and non-wrestlers being the most prominent people on the show.

It’s like the Attitude Era without the interest or energy. The top stories are Austin vs. Bischoff, which also pulls in JR/King vs. Coach and Shane McMahon vs. Kane. Somewhere down there is Goldberg vs. HHH (who is barely a wrestler at the moment due to an injury) in a story that is continuing for reasons that I’m sure HHH can explain to you but doesn’t make much sense to anyone else. This felt like they were running away in the wrong direction and covering their ears from what people wanted to hear, which is one of the scariest things you can see in a wrestling company.

I watch wrestling to see the wrestlers and the stories they’re involved in at the moment. For some reason I’m seeing commentators and a single family (including a bickering couple) dominating the shows while I’m told that the Intercontinental Champion isn’t important enough to be on a show and needs help to beat Jerry Lawler. I thought getting past Summerslam might help, but this was one of the worst episodes of the show I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw 25^th Anniversary
Date: January 22, 2018
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York/Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a big night with the show having been build up for several months and a slew of guest stars booked for the night. The show is also being run from two arenas, including the location of the first ever episode. I’m more excited for this than I am for Sunday’s Royal Rumble so let’s get to it.

JR and King welcome us from the Manhattan Center, complete with an ICOPRO sign.

The regular announcers’ team welcome us from the Barclays Center.

Shane McMahon and Stephanie McMahon are in the ring to open the show with Stephanie doing that ever present growling introduction. Shane thanks us for being here along with all the people behind the scenes who make this happen. With that, Shane introduces us to the long highlight reel of Raw moments. This was released on the site’s YouTube page and is very awesome with almost every major Raw moment ever.

Back in the arena, Stephanie introduces Vince, who absolutely has to be here for the opening sequence. Vince nearly dances in the ring and says twenty five years is quite the accomplishment. The fans chant THANK YOU VINCE (which Stephanie explains to him) but Vince says enough of that and we’re off to the festivities. Vince goes to leave but Stephanie and Shane have a present for him.

They have a plaque commemorating his twenty five years of Raw….and he’s not happy. Vince goes on a rant about it being cheap and how plaque is the horrible stuff on the people of Brooklyn’s teeth. There’s only one person who should be thanked for all of this and that’s Vince himself. As he goes off about how great he is……the glass shatters.

After Austin does his usual entrance, Vince praises Austin’s look but says he’s had his own share of health problems. His bones are broken and brittle and he has arthritis and he even lives in a retirement home. Vince: “But my son Shane is in his prime!” Austin raises Shane’s hand and gives him a Stunner to the delight of the fans. Vince produces beers and the fans chant ONE MORE TIME! Vince: “I don’t think Shane can take another one!” They drink their beer and hug but Austin looks at Vince, followed by one more Stunner for old times’ sake. For some reason Shane gets up and takes one more Stunner.

This was just about the perfect opening as you have to have Vince there for something like this and if there’s Vince, there must be Austin. All those Stunners over the years were a huge part of the show and Austin is arguably the name that more people would associate with Raw than anyone else. This was great and the only way things should have gone to start.

Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax vs. Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka

There’s a big brawl before the bell and Asuka has banged up ribs. She’s still able to kick Sonya to the floor though and we take an early break. Back with Asuka hip attacking half of the villains off the apron before it’s off to Jax vs. Banks. That goes fairly badly for Sasha who gets caught in Alicia’s northern lights suplex for two.

We hit the chinlock until Banks gets double teamed in the corner. Everything breaks down and we take a second break because it’s not like there’s a lot of stuff to get to tonight. Back with Banks grabbing the Bank Statement to make Fox tap at 11:58. The stuff after the break was less than fifteen seconds long.

Rating: C-. This was fine all things considered but at the same time, there’s some other stuff going on tonight that they need to cover. That’s kind of the problem with having this big special on the same night as the go home show for the Rumble. They have to build things up but at the same time they have to get to the big special features. The match was fine, but probably should have been shorter.

Post match Asuka throws her partners over the top in a Sunday preview.

Kurt Angle is in the back when Jonathan Coachman comes in. Coach talks about all the faces he’s seen around here, so cue Harvey Wippleman and the Brooklyn Brawler who offer cigars. Cue Teddy Long for the required dancing. Brother Love comes in (he scared me to death as a kid) and declares love for everyone until Boogeyman comes in, complete with the worms in the mouth…which he hands to Coach. A lot of staring ensues.

In the Manhattan Center, JR and King (who mentions puppies) introduce a nice video package on Undertaker’s greatest Raw moments.

Here’s the Undertaker, with the lights not going out for his entrance in a strange visual (flashback to his original). For twenty five years, he’s buried souls who dared to challenge him and buried them in the cold dark earth. Steve Austin, Mick Foley, his brother Kane have all fallen before the reaper and now, after all this time, they may rest in peace. JR: “Is that a warning?” The music plays again and no one interrupts. I’ll believe it’s over when I don’t see him at Wrestlemania but that seems to be the case at the moment.

We go to the APA’s office with Heath Slater losing all of his money in a poker game as Rhyno shakes his head. Someone comes in and throws some money down….and of course it’s Ted DiBiase. They deal him in and we get the evil laugh. Still the greatest villain of all time for my money.

Here’s are some of the all time greatest General Managers: Johnny Ace (with a red suit and blue tie), William Regal, Eric Bischoff (to a ROAR) and Daniel Bryan. Miz and the Miztourage interrupt though and it’s time for one of the big matches.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is challenging. They take their time to start until Reigns pops him with a right hand. The Miztourage offers a distraction though and Miz sends him into the steps as we take a break. Back with Reigns hitting the corner clotheslines, followed by a running big boot. The apron dropkick connects but the spear is countered into a rollup for two with the feet on the ropes. The YES Kicks keep Roman in trouble but the big kick is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Another apron dropkick takes the Miztourage out and Reigns slips out of the Skull Crushing Finale for another Superman Punch. Bo Dallas grabs the foot though and Miz hits his corner clothesline. That means a double ejection but Reigns hits them one more time, allowing the Skull Crushing Finale to connect for two. Back up and Reigns tries the spear but hits an exposed turnbuckle pad. The Skull Crushing Finale makes Miz an eight time champion at 13:13. A replay shows that Miz got the pad off when Reigns was beating up the Miztourage for a nice surprise.

Rating: C. This was a booking decision more than anything else and there’s nothing wrong with that. The loss lets Reigns drop the title before he wins the Universal Title at Wrestlemania (THIS TIME FOR SURE!) and the win gives Miz something else to do, especially now that he’s less than three months away from the most combined days as champion (and only one reign behind Chris Jericho’s record).

Back to the poker game with the Hardys, the Usos, and MVP playing as Slater continues to lose his money.

It’s time for the Peep Show with Christian. He knows a thing or two about being a Tag Team Champion so his guests are Jason Jordan and Seth Rollins. Jordan takes over for Seth and talks about what an honor it is to be here but the crowd won’t let him talk. Jordan eventually talks about Kurt and asks the fans to applaud him. Cue the Bar to say that all the fans are because of them, not all the legends. They’ll be getting the titles back on Sunday and it’s because Jordan sucks. We hit the YOU SUCK song and the brawl is on. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor but Seth’s springboard knee hits Jordan.

Alexa Bliss is annoyed at being asked if she’ll still be champion at Wrestlemania. Charlotte comes in and MY GOODNESS she towers over Alexa. She says Alexa doesn’t have the stature to be champion and Ric Flair himself comes in to say Charlotte is going to be champion until she decides to hang up the robe. Flair appearing was great, though they’re teasing the heck out of one of these two losing before Wrestlemania.

Video on Edge, who isn’t here tonight.

More people are at the poker game, now including Natalya and Titus Worldwide. Heath loses again, this time to Natalya’s queen high flush in hearts. Dana has counted it up: Heath has lost a lot.

Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy

In the Manhattan Center and this match takes place here? Sister Abigail is broken up in the first five seconds as JR tries to figure out what Sister Abigail is. Matt grabs a Russian legsweep and drops the middle rope elbow to the back of the head. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Bray runs him over as we take a break. Back with Matt hitting a running corner clothesline but having his bulldog broken up. The Side Effect gets two on Bray but Sister Abigail is good for the pin on Matt at 5:48. Not enough shown to rate but that’s quite the abrupt loss in the first match between these two.

Back in Barclays, here are some of the greatest female talents ever: the Bella Twins, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Lilian Garcia, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Terri Runnels, Maria Kanellis and of course Trish Stratus as the big name. This group is declared as trailblazers so I have a good laugh as we cut away.

Elias is walking through the back when he runs into Chris Jericho (in an Alpha Club shirt). Chris compliments his scarves and asks if he can play a song he’s written about Elias. He can’t borrow the guitar but worry not because Jericho has his own. The song is about Elias being a stupid idiot and HE JUST MADE THE LIST! Jericho loads up the pen but says he’s kidding. Jericho: “NO I’M NOT! YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!”

Here’s Elias in the ring to talk about how amazing it is that it took Raw twenty five years to find him. WWE stands for Walk With Elias but the fans won’t let him play his song. Elias wants to sing it for the fans but points out Jimmy Fallon in the front row. The song is about the various legends, including talking about how Shawn’s time is passed and Undertaker is a decrepit old man. He’s going to the Royal Rumble but here’s John Cena to interrupt.

Cena asks the crowd if they’re loud now and points out that both he and Brooklyn have balls because there they are (it’s a beach ball in this case). Elias tells him to shut up because the fans are there to see Elias but Cena ruined it. Cena tells him to do something about it but Elias says no and teases leaving. The fight is on of course and Cena hits his finishing sequence but the AA is cut off by a low blow. A guitar to the back leaves Cena laying and Drift Away makes it even better. I’m pleasantly surprised here as this was a very solid rub for Elias who took some of Cena’s best and left him laying. Good stuff here.

New Day is at the poker game now with Woods betting pancakes. Slater FINALLY wins a hand but is accused of cheating. A fight nearly breaks out and Bradshaw says if you want to fight, do it in the ring. Oh I can feel the Revival’s death coming from here. Titus Worldwide and Slater/Rhyno leave but DiBiase wins with a royal flush. As he rakes in the chips, Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Mark Henry is in the back and runs into the Godfather and….some random woman. Godfather brings up Sexual Chocolate but Henry says that was a long time ago. Henry seems to hit on the woman….and it’s Godfather’s wife. Mark smiles and isn’t sure what to think.

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno

Titus chops Rhyno to start before it’s off to Crews vs. Slater with Heath starting in on the arm. A very delayed vertical suplex puts Heath down and we take a break. IN THIS MATCH??? Back with the match being thrown out at 5:40. Again not enough to rate but this seems like a means to an end.

Cue the Dudley Boyz (including Bubba, who was named ROH GM two days ago and D-Von, who looks rather huge) as everyone bails to the floor. Slater gets thrown back inside for What’s Up (with Booker commenting on D-Von’s weight gain). It’s table time of course (with Rhyno pulling the ring skirt back) and the 3D drives Slater through it for good measure. This was a HUGE relief as the Revival wasn’t destroyed for no apparent reason.

AJ Styles is in the back and has his own interviewer: Mean Gene Okerlund. AJ does his best Hogan impression to Gene (AJ: “Sorry I’ve always wanted to do that.”) before talking about facing Kami on Sunday. He has a small window to fight on Sunday but if he does it right, they’ll hear him announced as still being champion. Gene looks confused.

Back to the Manhattan Center and here’s DX for the big reunion. Well just Shawn and HHH to start. Shawn has been hearing people ask HBShizzle what his best moment in the 25 years have been. He can’t remember 25 minutes ago but he does remember something about a big sausage, which HHH cuts him off. Then one time they were all in Christmas stuff but HHH says no again.

Shawn gets annoyed because he used to be the boss of this group but now HHH is the boss of everything so Shawn doesn’t get to do anything anymore. All you have to do to see all those moments again though is sign up for the WWE Network. HHH talks about the fans starting the fire and now they’re here because of him.

We hear about some of the history of DX, including a rare Chyna name drop. HHH talks about going to WCW in a tank (it wasn’t a tank) and starting a war (which had started well over a year prior) but now they’re here because the Manhattan Center is home. They’re not here alone though because here are the New Age Outlaws. Maybe Road Dogg can ruin Raw now.

Dogg does his usual and here’s X-Pac for another surprise (I mean, assuming you didn’t see the graphics all night long). The crowd cuts X-Pac off with a 1-2-3 chant but there’s one more surprise: Scott Hall. Back after a VERY abrupt break with everyone in the ring and Ramon saying Hey Yo. He calls this whole thing too sweet….and here’s Balor Club. They all do too Too Sweet…..and it’s the freaking Revival to get the legends burial.

Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Revival jumps them before the bell and it’s Anderson in early trouble. A headlock is broken up in short order and it’s off to Gallows for the kicks to the head. The Magic Killer ends Dawson clean at 2:00.

Revival goes after DX and takes the finishers, because this worked so well for Damien Sandow. X-Factor, Shake Rattle and Roll, Fameasser, Sweet Chin Music, Pedigree and Coup de Grace, followed by Billy getting in his catchphrase. So glad they had Revival, one of the best teams in a long time, to do this. To be fair they’re wrestlers and we don’t have room for that around here.

Angle brings out all of the legends and people from the poker game to surround the ring for the closing segment as we go to a break at 11:03. Back with Angle bringing out Braun Strowman and Kane, who are held apart by a lot of the wrestlers. Paul Heyman comes out and introduces Brock Lesnar for a fight. Here’s Brock…and everyone but Kane and Strowman bail in fear. Brock runs over Strowman and hits an F5 on Kane but Strowman is back in to knock Lesnar to the floor. The running powerslam through the announcers’ table plants Lesnar to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was trying to do two things at once and it made them both suffer. There was actually a bit too much wrestling going on and some of those longer matches (which to be fair were only in the first half of the show) were cutting down on time that could have been used for the nostalgia stuff. The problem is you have to do that for the Rumble, leaving less time for the big anniversary material.

The anniversary stuff was fine enough, but it really peaked at the beginning and was kind of downhill from there. Going back to the Manhattan Center was fun, though it really felt like the crowd there got screwed a bit. Other than DX and Undertaker’s short appearance, almost nothing there felt important or special and that’s not a great sign. Throw in the stupid, stupid, STUPID beatdown of Revival (who not only got taken out by the old guys but also lost a clean two minute match) and Terri Runnels/Kelly Kelly apparently being trailblazers and some of this stuff left a lot to be desired.

As for the Rumble build….eh. Once the big names for the Rumble are set, there’s not a lot that can really be done to build to the pay per view. We know all of the main roster women in the Rumble and most of the men are already set so there’s only so much you can do here. What we got was ok, though the triple threat stuff isn’t doing anything for me.

Now there was a lot of good stuff as well, including Miz winning the Intercontinental Title back (thanks for keeping it warm Roman), Elias beating Cena down, the lack of Undertaker vs. Cena being made (though that could change), some of the cameos (Henry and Godfather made me laugh) and of course Austin and Vince. It wasn’t the worst show, but I was expecting a lot more and didn’t get really close to it, which is rather disappointing. Still though, it could have been much worse.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka b. Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax – Bank Statement to Fox

The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Skull Crushing Finale

Bray Wyatt b. Matt Hardy – Sister Abigail

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno went to a double DQ when all four brawled

Anderson and Gallows b. Revival – Magic Killer to Dawson

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event
Date: January 11, 2018
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Vic Joseph

What does it say that we’re less than a week removed from the most recent episodes of Monday Night Raw and Smackdown Live and I can barely remember what happened? We’re building towards two of the biggest shows of the year and I’m drawing blanks on what went down. That’s not a great sign for either show and hopefully it’s not one for this show too. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Dana Brooke vs. Alicia Fox

Now Brooke beat Mickie James last week, which more or less guarantees that she loses here, just for the sake of the dumbest result possible. They take turns slamming each other down by the hair before Brooke grabs a waistlock. Back up and Fox tries a flying shoulder but bounces off of Brooke, who of course hits the pose.

Brooke tries a charge of her own but gets kicked out to the floor so Fox can take over. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before the bridging northern lights gives Fox two. Dana clotheslines her a few times and tries the handspring elbow, only to flip into two raised boots. The ax kick gives Fox the pin at 5:45.

Rating: D. Yeah I knew that. Somehow, I just knew that was going to be the case. Brooke really isn’t that great in the ring but I still like her for some reason that I just can’t quite place. If she could reach a level of plain competence, she could be a nice little midcard fixture. Fox is the same person she’s been for years, which is to say acceptable and not much more.

From Raw for the first time.

Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar to talk about old school. The thing is, this is a progressive industry where you need fresh ways to present the ideas to the audience and the general public. They’ve gotten away from the old school way of promoting a Universal Title match (oh come on), which was all about finding a challenger who could possibly pin or tap out a champion.

Now the Universal Title is marketed as how could Brock survive this time. Even Lesnar thinks it sucks. At the Rumble, it’s Brock vs. monster #1 and monster #2 but the only cliffhanger is who Lesnar will pin. Heyman knows no one can beat this man and that’s all that matters. Lesnar goes up the ramp but here’s Kane for the fight.

They fight into the back where Braun Strowman shows up and runs them both over. Brock is thrown into a wall where a big case falls on him. Strowman throws another case onto Kane (that is some scary power) before pulling out….a grappling hook? He attaches it to a big old piece of the set and pulls it down onto both guys for a huge crash, sending Heyman and everyone else behind him into fits of screams. That was quite the set piece and my goodness it should have killed them both. Worry not though, as I’m sure Lesnar will be just fine to lose to Reigns in New Orleans.

I know that’s harped on but it’s the problem with the entire Universal Title picture. Why should I even possibly buy that Strowman, who Lesnar has already beaten, or Kane (because HA) is going to take the title at the Rumble? Even if they do, there’s no way they’re defending it at Wrestlemania because that’s Reigns’ spot and everyone knows it. I know it sounds lame but that’s what goes through my head every time I see anything related to the title.

Post break, Brock was taken out on a stretcher while Kane was allowed to walk away on his own. Well limp away but you get the idea. Lesnar didn’t want to go to the hospital but went anyway.

Recap of Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon’s recent issues on Smackdown.

From Smackdown.

AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura/Randy Orton vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

The threat of an RKO sends Owens bailing to the floor before coming back in for some right hands. It’s off to Sami vs. Nakamura as the announcers talk about the Freebird Rule for the potential of co-WWE Champions. A kick to the face sends Sami outside and an attempt at the Styles Clash sends the villains walking up the ramp.

Cue Shane, because we haven’t seen him enough tonight. The match is restarted (it never stopped) with no countouts. Back from a break with AJ fighting Owens off and hitting the fireman’s carry backbreaker. The hot tag brings in Orton for the snap powerslam on Zayn, followed by the hanging DDT. Orton loads up the RKO but Owens chairs him in the ribs for the DQ at….oh of course Shane comes out to say restart it with No DQ.

AJ knocks Owens up the ramp and into the back with a chair, leaving Sami trapped. The chase is on but Sami can’t quite make it over the barricade. Orton loads up the steps and then drops Sami back first onto the announcers’ table. Kinshasa drops Zayn and the RKO is good for the pin at 14:54.

Rating: D+. What do you want me to say here? The good guys had a big advantage and used that advantage to win, including a pair of restarts in the process. This was everything you would have guessed the match would be and really didn’t deviate from that premise. There’s not much these guys can do when EVERYTHING in this story has been about Shane vs. Bryan, which at the moment can’t be an actual match. I’m still begging for the big swerve where it’s Shane as the heel, but that’s getting more and more unlikely with each passing week for reasons I don’t want to understand.

Ariya Daivari/Drew Gulak vs. Mustafa Ali/Akira Tozawa

Gulak and Tozawa start things off with Drew demanding no chanting. Instead Tozawa kicks him down for the jumping backsplash and it’s off to the arm. Daivari makes a blind tag though and jumps Tozawa from behind as we take a break. Back with Daivari’s frog splash getting two on Ali. Everything breaks down in short order (without a hot tag either), allowing Tozawa to hit his suicide dive on Daivari. The 054 ends Gulak at 8:22.

Rating: C. I’m running out of ways to say “they did the same thing they always do” in these cruiserweight matches but that’s the case here again. This was every bit out of the old 205 Live playbook with a completely standard tag match (not a bad thing) and nothing we haven’t seen time after time. It could have been worse, which often times is the best thing that can be said about a match.

Quick look at the US Title tournament.

Royal Rumble rundown.

We see a little bit of Miz’s return on Raw.

From Raw to close things up.

Balor Club vs. Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan

Balor and Rollins start things off with Balor scoring off an early double stomp. It’s off to Anderson in a hurry but Reigns tags himself in so house can be cleaned in a hurry, including a double shoulder to Balor. Back from a break with Reigns working over Balor until a Sling Blade cuts him off. Gallows and Anderson take over in the corner with Luke grabbing a chinlock. Anderson drops a knee and puts on a chinlock of his own.

Back up and Reigns gets in a clothesline to drop Anderson but Gallows won’t give up the hot tag. The third chinlock goes on but Reigns no sells a big boot and scores with a Superman Punch. The hot tag brings in Rollins for the Blockbuster, followed by a Sling Blade on Anderson. Gallows breaks up the Wind-Up knee and Anderson’s spinebuster gets two.

Rollins makes the tag to Reigns but Jordan distracts the referee by mistake so Rollins stays legal. A Magic Killer plants Rollins so Reigns goes outside to fight two on one. Jordan tries to help Rollins up, allowing Balor to hit the shotgun dropkick. The Coup de Grace gives Balor the pin at 15:28.

Rating: C-. The chinlockery hurt this a lot but I’m not sure anyone was expecting this to be any more than another wedge between Jordan and company, which is all it needed to be. That team isn’t going to hold together that much longer and it makes sense to have them split up just in time for the Rumble.

Post match Miz and the Miztourage come in to attack Rollins, Jordan and Reigns. Roman takes a Skull Crushing Finale and the TripleBomb to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Yeah there’s a reason I didn’t remember anything from this week. This was a run of the mill show and the highlights really didn’t offer anything of note. That’s part of the problem with the build to the Rumble: once everything is set, there’s really not much to do other than sit around and wait on the show. Raw 25 will help that a lot, but it’s not like there’s anything overly interesting on this week’s shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

It was mentioned that this wasn’t up so here’s a bit of a bonus.

Bragging Rights 2009
Date: October 25, 2009
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 13,562
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is back in the days of Raw vs. Smackdown meaning something but in this case there are two major matches.  In addition to the Raw vs. Smackdown match, we also have John Cena vs. Randy Orton in an Iron Man match because all the other pay per view matches those two have had haven’t been enough. The card really is built around those two matches and I’m not sure what else there is to mention. Undertaker is also defending his Smackdown World Title in a four way match, which means eighteen people are involved in two matches. That might explain the hour long Iron Man match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on the seven on seven brand supremacy match with Orton and Cena not even being mentioned. The rest of the show is really just filler around those two and that might be better all things considered. You would think the title match would warrant a mention though.

There are three Raw vs. Smackdown matches tonight and the winner gets a trophy. Yeah the whole Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown match that the show is built around is only a third of the formula.

We recap Miz (US Champion, Smackdown) vs. John Morrison (Intercontinental Champion, Raw). This is basically a showdown that would have happened anyway as they used to be a big tag team and now they’ve split with an argument over who was the Shawn and who was the Marty. In other words it’s catchphrase vs. skill though Morrison was considered a much stronger prospect around this time.

Miz vs. John Morrison

Non-title. The ropes are half blue and half red for a cool visual. Morrison takes him to the mat to start and Miz bails to the ropes like a good heel should. Miz is driven into the corner but heads outside for an early breather. Back in and Miz gets caught in a flapjack, followed by Morrison’s standing shooting star for two. The Moonlight Drive is broken up so Morrison settles for a hard clothesline to the floor, only to have Morrison get thrown out as well for a much nastier crash.

Miz cranks on both arms for a bit before putting on a quickly broken chinlock. A slugout goes to Morrison (of course) and a leg lariat gets two. The Flying Chuck (springboard kick to the face) gets the same and now the fans are getting into these near falls. Miz bails to the floor and takes a corkscrew dive but he breaks up Starship Pain (split legged corkscrew moonsault) and pins Morrison at 10:54.

Rating: C+. The match was fine but that ending was really quite lame. The crash and burn for Morrison was fine but Miz couldn’t throw in a Skull Crushing Finale? After a strong build up to this, you would kind of expect more than just what we were given here. If nothing else though, I was really glad to see Miz win here as he’s worked hard after being considered a nothing guy while Morrison was rolling on charisma for a long time.

We look back at Smackdown with Team Smackdown beating defeated by another group of five, meaning the winners took their places. Both lineups had Chris Jericho and Kane as co-captains but the original lineup of:

Dolph Ziggler, Eric Escobar, Drew McIntyre and Cryme Tyme

Has been replaced by:

R-Truth, Matt Hardy, Finlay and the Hart Dynasty

It should be noted that the match match where the new team won didn’t have Shad Gaspard, who was out sick. It’s also not a good sign that they switched a team out with just two days before the pay per view.

Cody Rhodes, part of Team Raw tonight, is bragging about how awesome his show is when R-Truth comes in. Rhodes berates him so Truth says the only reasons Cody is here are Dusty Rhodes and Randy Orton. Big Show comes in to say Raw (his team) will win.

Michelle McCool/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Melina/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Smackdown vs. Raw. Natalya is part of the Hart Family and Kelly Kelly is a model who eventually became a pretty good worker. Michelle (who has gotten a very nice haircut since we last saw her) and Melina are the respective brand’s women’s champions. Beth and Gail get things going with Phoenix quickly dominating. It’s off to Natalya who is quickly rolled up for two.

Natalya misses a charge in the corner so Gail can sit on the back of her head and bring in Kelly. A screaming headscissors drops Natalya but she drops Kelly across the top rope for two. Kelly gets caught in the wrong corner and it’s off to Michelle for some bad looking knee drops. Beth won’t let Kelly get over for the tag and Michelle comes back in for some knees to the face. A jawbreaker finally lets Kelly tag Melina in and house is cleaned. Beth stops her with a slingshot suplex and everything breaks down. Everyone else goes outside and it’s the Glam Slam (double chickenwing faceplant) to put Melina away at 6:54.

Rating: C-. This was fine but there was absolutely no doubt who was going to win here thanks to the best of three format. It really is amazing to see how strong the division was around this time before it collapsed with the rise of the Bellas and everyone else leaving around the same time. The match wasn’t bad but just filler and a way to get the women on the show.

HHH gives Team Raw a pep talk but brings up all the stuff they’ve made fun of Mark Henry for over the years. Jack Swagger isn’t worried about the match and Shawn threatens to replace him with the first person he sees. Hornswoggle comes in and Shawn quickly changes his mind. The team eventually rallies around DX.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Undertaker defending against CM Punk (getting another rematch), Batista and Rey Mysterio (friends who are getting shots because they’re former champions).

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk vs. Batista

Punk runs around to start and causes Undertaker to blast Batista with a clothesline. The champ sends Punk to the floor so Mysterio can dive off the apron to take him down, leaving us with a Batista vs. Undertaker showdown. Old School keeps Batista in trouble but Punk saves Mysterio from the same fate. A superplex drops Undertaker and Rey springboards in with a splash for two as Punk makes a save.

Batista comes back in to go after Punk but eats a big boot from Undertaker. Rey’s springboard is countered into a Last Ride, only to have Batista spear Undertaker down for the save. Rey scores with a 619 to send Undertaker into the spinebuster but Punk makes the save again. Hell’s Gate has Batista in trouble but….yeah you know who breaks it up. That just earns Punk a Last Ride for two and there’s a chokeslam to Batista for two.

Punk is tossed outside so the big guys can go at it even more with Batista hitting a quick Batista Bomb for two as Mysterio makes a save of his own. That’s not cool with Rey’s friend Batista and they get in an argument, allowing Undertaker to chokeslam Batista for two more. A double clothesline drops both of them so Punk can cover both of them for two. Batista gets back up and tosses Rey again, only to walk into the Tombstone to retain Undertaker’s title at 9:58.

Rating: B+. They were smart to keep this one a bit shorter as it allowed the match to be this energetic throughout. This wouldn’t have been as good with the laying around and it allowed Punk to keep running in and out and Undertaker and Batista to do all the big power stuff. Strong stuff here and a good bonus, though it’s not going to mean anything in the long run.

Post match, Josh Matthews goes inside to talk to Rey and Batista. Rey says it was a good try but Batista asks the fans if they were close. Batista thinks he was close but he was tired of only coming this close and of his best friend stabbing him in the back. Batista: “I’m not playing. I’m gonna rip your head off.” And he comes pretty close with a big clothesline as Smackdown has a new monster heel. Rey is thrown hard into the barricade and kicked in the head before Batista slowly walks away.

This was an EXCELLENT turn as Batista had a good reason to go after Mysterio but it still looks like a big guy treating a smaller one like a loser for his own failures. In other words, Batista looks like a jerk who is abusing his power and the fans will want to see Mysterio try and get some revenge, even if that’s not likely. Really good stuff here and something I’d love to see happen more often. Not necessarily this specific thing but something character based and logical.

The fans are split on who wins here.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Raw – Shawn Michaels, HHH, Cody Rhodes, Big Show, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger

Smackdown – Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy, Finlay, R-Truth, Hart Dynasty

One fall to a finish here. The Hart Dynasty are Tyson Kidd (speed) and David Hart-Smith (power). Cody and Truth get things going and everyone is wrestling in a red or blue shirt. Well save for DX because they’re special. Rhodes spins around and grabs a leg but Big Show tags himself in.

Truth isn’t crazy (yet) so he brings in Kane for the giant showdown. Show quickly puts Kane down and drops a leg before bringing in Swagger for some shots to the back. It’s already off to Hardy to clothesline Swagger as the announcers push the idea that the wrestlers all really want to be the best. Normally that means with titles but let’s just go with bragging rights instead. They head outside to start the big showdown as Swagger loses his shirt. But how will I know which side he’s on?

Hardy is dragged into the corner for some arm cranks from Henry. A big elbow misses but Mark easily throws Matt into the corner, meaning it’s time for Shawn to come in. You can hear the fans get fired up now because it’s starting to get serious. Shawn may be great but he allows the tag off to Finlay for some heavy shots of his own. Sweet Chin Music makes up for it but a blind tag brings in Hart-Smith who helps hit a quick springboard Hart Attack for two on Michaels, meaning it’s time for some selling.

Jericho slaps on the chinlock (“ASK HIM! ASK HIM!”) before bringing in Kane for one of his own. David makes it three chinlocks in a row but Tyson’s springboard elbow misses and the hot tag brings in HHH. A series of spinebusters have Smackdown in tatters but Kane stops HHH with a chokeslam. HHH puts Jericho down though and it’s off to Kofi as everything speeds way up.

Trouble in Paradise gets two on Chris as everything breaks down into the parade of secondary finishers. Cole: “VINTAGE BRAGGING RIGHTS!” It’s been on the air for less than an hour and a half and there’s a vintage era? Anyway Big Show turns on his partners (because he’s Big Show) and chokeslams Kofi to give Jericho the pin at 15:40.

Rating: B. You can only get so far on a made up rivalry with fourteen people having to cram in all their stuff in the span of less than sixteen minutes. It certainly wasn’t bad though and both teams were more than fine, albeit a bit stretched as a lot of the guys didn’t quite fit the level as people like DX, Jericho and Kane. Big Show screwing over his team wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world either as he does it so often but at least it makes it clear that Raw was better until Smackdown got some help. You know, in case anyone thought otherwise.

We recap Cena vs. Orton in yet another match as this rivalry cannot die. Orton attacked Cena’s dad to make it even more personal and if Orton wins, Cena is off Raw. Yeah just keep pretending it’s not obvious now. This is billed as the final showdown, which WWE is usually pretty good about holding up. In this case though, I give it two months at most.

Kofi and Cody argue over why Raw lost and get in a fight over it with Kofi being left laying.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending, anything goes, falls count anywhere Iron Man rules, meaning the most falls in sixty minutes wins. The introduction makes sure to point out that there will be a thirty second rest period between falls, which will come into play later. They start slow (makes sense) with Orton getting caught in a headlock, only to send Cena hard into the corner. The champ slowly stomps away but Cena grabs the STF for the immediate tap out at 3:56 (all times listed will be total and the thirty second rest periods count towards the time limit) as Orton wants to get out of the hold to avoid damage.

1-0 Cena

Orton is right back up with a powerslam for two as we’re five minutes in. The very slow pace continues as we hit the chinlock on Cena. Back up and Cena initiates his finishing sequence but takes too long loading up the Five Knuckle Shuffle, allowing Orton to pop up and hit an RKO to tie things up at 9:00.

1-1

With ten minutes left, Orton knocks Cena off the apron and into the barricade. Now it’s time for the anything goes aspect to take effect as Orton hits Cena in the head with a monitor for two on the floor. Back in and Orton calmly hits him in the head with a microphone for another near fall. Things slow down though as the referee has to check a cut on Cena’s head and the clock is actually stopped.

Cena will have none of that and charges at Orton with right hands in the corner. They go outside again with Cena going into the steps to slow him right back down. Cena is sent into the barricade as we hit fifteen minutes in. You don’t keep Cena down with just a few shots like that though and it’s already time for the FU, only to have Orton catch him with an RKO to counter. That means a double pin (with Orton having to adjust his arms to get the spot right) at 16:46 to keep us tied up.

2-2

The medical staff uses the break to fix the cut in a smart use of time. Orton goes shoulder first into the post to give Cena a breather. That breather doesn’t last long though as he puts Orton on the top rope for a super AA to give him the lead back at 19:23. You would think that would be a bigger spot for later in the match.

3-2 Cena

During the break, here’s Legacy to beat Orton down to give Orton an easy pin to tie it up at 20:46.

3-3

Kofi runs in to chase them off, which makes sense given the segment with Rhodes earlier. Nicely done WWE. Orton and Cena are left alone and a double clothesline lets them burn off some more time. Cena takes him down by the legs and it’s time to go outside again. Cena takes him up the aisle until Orton sends him into the barricade for two. They head over to the tech area and Orton sends him into the board to set off some pyro. That gives Orton an idea and this can’t end well. Randy sends him through a piece of the lighting grid for a fall at 25:20.

4-3 Orton

With Cena down, Orton goes over and starts playing with the pyro board. Like a real villain, Orton throws Cena onto the stage AND TRIES TO BLOW HIM UP WITH FIREWORKS. It doesn’t actually work but that’s quite the heel move. You know, attempted murder and all that. They go back to the ring because there’s less violence to be found there. The champ sends him into the steps and we hit halftime.

Orton throws the steps at his head for two before cracking him over the back with a chair for two. We’re firmly into the “there’s no reason to believe he can kick out of these things” territory. Back in and Cena grabs a small package to tie it up at 32:40. Orton beats the heck out of Cena during the break but the referee makes sure to enforce the thirty second break. TO THE ATTEMPTED MURDERER!

4-4

Cena is basically done though and Orton makes it even worse with the elevated DDT off the apron for a fall at 35:04.

5-4 Orton

Randy is smart enough to immediately go for the cover but Cena kicks out despite likely needing to be in a hospital. The beating continues back inside with Orton hammering him in the chest for two. Orton wastes a few minutes walking around (smart) and hitting Cena every now and then, which makes sense as we have twenty minutes left and they’re probably running out of big spots.

Cena, with the blood flowing again, gets in a right hand to send Orton up the ramp. The chase goes nowhere so Orton pounds away back inside. The threat of an AA sends Orton running into the crowd with Cena slowly giving chase (well he walks briskly at least) as the clock keeps ticking. Cena finally catches him and hits the champ with a trashcan. See, at least Cena keeps the violence on a lower level.

The beating knocks Orton back towards the ring as we have fifteen minutes to go. Cena gets a few near falls at ringside before sending him through the barricade. The steps go into Orton’s head and we have ten minutes left. Those steps are sat next to the table and an AA through the table ties it up again at 51:46.

5-5

Cena covers again after the rest period ends but only gets two. It’s time for another table in the ring but Orton avoids the top rope legdrop to drive Cena through instead. Five minutes to go now and both guys are down again. They slug it out with four minutes left as they’re clearly spent. The slugging continues with neither guy getting an advantage as we have three minutes left. Of course Cena’s cardio is fine as he starts the shoulders but takes the referee out by mistake.

There’s an RKO but there’s no referee. Another one comes in and count two with two minutes left, earning himself a beating from the champ. The Punt misses with a minute left and Cena grabs the STF with fifty five seconds to go. Orton hangs on as long as he can but as you might expect, he taps out with three seconds left to give Cena the title back at 60:00 with a final score of 6-5.

Rating: B. It’s entertaining for the most part but you could really see them running out of things to do after awhile. Having Cena win at the very end keeps both of them looking equal, which is fine, but doesn’t quite make Cena look like the big winner of the feud. There was no real reason for this to be an Iron Man match but at least there was one memorable spot with the pyro.

The biggest problem here is still the burnout between these two. The fans had seen them time after time and there’s almost no reason to get interested in seeing them fight one more time, especially for an hour. They’re firmly at the point where people don’t want to see them wrestle no matter what happens and that’s never a good thing. Oh and as for the “final” meeting: they fought again before Christmas.

A long recap for a long match wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B. Not a bad show for the most part but you could cut out the first two Raw vs. Smackdown matches and no one would notice. That being said, I kind of like the idea of shortening the series to just three matches instead of doing seven or nine matches to accomplish the same goal. It would have been nice to have some other stuff going on besides the two main events and the fourway helped a good bit but the show still felt like it was all about those two matches and nothing else. At least the wrestling was strong though and that’s more important than so many other things.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 11, 2003
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

The slow crawl towards Summerslam continues and now we have an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw main event. Why anyone would want that is beyond me, but we also have Shane McMahon as the big hero of the show, fighting off the evil monster known as Kane. Other than that though, the show is looking pretty rough. Let’s get to it.

On a side note, the show is now officially airing on SpikeTV instead of TNN.

Opening sequence.

Some pyro goes off signaling the network now being called SpikeTV. It’s a better name and at least they don’t waste any time on it.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to brag about beating Shane last week, even having Lillian Garcia announce him as the winner again. After looking at a clip of the ending, Eric sucks up to the McMahon Family, calling Linda a “big breasted mature woman”. The only member he doesn’t respect is Shane, who is only here because of his last name. Shane is the Frank Sinatra Jr. of WWE (I’m hoping that’s a topical joke because otherwise it’s really just bad).

Instead here’s the perfectly fine looking (save for a limp) JR to interrupt and mock Bischoff for throwing his weight around. He understands how important Kane is to this company though, which is why he’s only going to sue Bischoff. Eric immediately fires Coach from his commentary spot so JR can have his spot back but here’s Austin with a clipboard to interrupt.

After shaking JR’s hand, Austin says he has a contract drawn up to help settle some differences. Austin whispers something to JR and then gets to the point: JR won’t sue if Bischoff has a match tonight. Bischoff turns down a match with Shane so JR tells him to call a lawyer. That’s enough to convince Eric to sign…..a contract to face Kane tonight. Read the contract buddy.

So yeah, after watching last week’s show focusing on Bischoff wrestling, the next week’s show is the exact same thing. Let me guess: Lawler is going to be elated over this all night long. Also, Kane unmasked on June 23, took out Rob Van Dam, lit JR on fire, tombstoned Linda, and this is going to be his first actual match. After all that work building him up, they haven’t actually done anything with him aside from using him as a chess piece in a story involving Bischoff.

The problem right now is between Austin, Bischoff, JR, Kane, Shane and Van Dam, I’m not sure what the big story is. In theory it’s Kane vs. Shane down the line, but first we have to get through Kane vs. Van Dam. Rob would have been a good first victim a few weeks back, but that never even started.

Then there’s the Bischoff part, which doesn’t really have an interesting payoff other than Shane beating him up. Kane has been a monster for over a month now and we’re STILL waiting on him to have anything to do in the ring. Oh but Kevin Nash, who was feuding with Test for a little while, is getting a World Title match. Makes perfect sense.

Stacy Keibler/Scott Steiner vs. Rico/Miss Jackie

….what? If this is the option that made it to TV, what in the world was considered too bad to make it onto the show? Jackie watches Rico as he gets in ala Scott watching Stacy. Rico poses to start so Steiner forearms him in the head, followed by the spinning belly to belly. The pushup elbow gets two and it’s off to Jackie for the….showdown? Actually Stacy has to come in and egads this could be a nightmare.

They trade slaps until it’s the pinfall reversal sequence for exactly the reason you would expect. Stacy gets two off a spinning kick to the face but Rico knees her in the back. A double clothesline puts both of them down but here’s Test to jump Steiner. Rico snaps Stacy’s throat over the top, leaving Jackie to drop a leg for the pin.

Rating: F. Well of course it was to set up more Steiner vs. Test. Rico and Jackie were somehow the better option here with Stacy not being anything resembling a wrestler and Jackie looking at least somewhat improved from last year (hard not to be but indeed better). The problem here of course is still Steiner vs. Test, which has been going on for over three months now and hasn’t yet begun to be anything interesting. It needs to be dropped and both of them need to move on (perhaps to the unemployment line), though I’m kind of scared to know what could replace them.

Post match Test says this needs to end and wants to fight Steiner next week with Stacy on the line again. Stacy accepts in a hurry.

Flair doesn’t want to face Goldberg tonight because he’s out there all alone due to Evolution being barred from ringside. HHH basically ignores the whole thing and talks about the Elimination Chamber. Orton promises that he’ll retain because it’s the two of them against four guys.

Kane arrives in the police van.

Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

Non-title. Brawl to start until Dupree hits D-Von with the American flag for the DQ in about thirty seconds.

Post match the American flag is broken and La Resistance drinks French wine.

Goldust comes up to Molly Holly (such a random pairing) in the back to say she likes gold too. Therefore, he has someone he’d like her to meet. Someone who is truly NOT boring. This brings in Lance Storm in Goldust paint and wig. Storm pulls out cue card, complete with the Tourette’s Syndrome jokes. Molly leaves and Storm says this isn’t working. Not to worry Goldust says, because they have sausages and midgets waiting on them. That’s the second or third midgets joke in a week.

Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash get in a not very heated argument over who is winning the title. Goldberg comes in and sets them straight but the two of them make threats. It’s cute when Nash and Michaels pretend they’re anything more than filler in that match.

Here’s Intercontinental Champion Christian for a chat. That’s not an error as Christian, who comes out to Booker T.’s entrance, won the title from Booker last night at a house show. Somehow that would be Booker’s only title reign. You really would expect him to pick up the title again at some point but it was just the one time. As for tonight, Christian has found the perfect opponent for his first title defense, especially since we’re now on SpikeTV.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is challenging in case you’re a bit slow. Christian drops him ribs first across the top rope, followed by a gutbuster to continue the squashification. We hit an abdominal stretch with Christian having to lean down because Spike is so short. The hold is broken without much drama and Spike comes back with a bulldog for two. The running headbutt to the ribs gets two and a top rope double stomp gets the same, this time with Christian needing the ropes to escape. Back up and an Unprettier plants Spike for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. For a match based around the challenger’s first name and nothing else, this could have been a lot worse. Spike can have a good enough match, even if there’s no doubt that he’s losing every single one of them. Christian getting the title back at a house show is still kind of odd but maybe Booker really was hurt. Or they just wanted to throw in a surprise, which works quite well in the right way, especially if it might help drive up house show attendance.

Bischoff tries to suck up to Kane and offers to lay down for him. Kane says they’re doing this his way. Again, this is the best followup they have for Kane’s huge push over the last few weeks.

JR replaces Coach on commentary.

Eric Bischoff vs. Kane

Bischoff lays down and JR is aghast. So now the announcers don’t see what happens in the back? Kane grabs the chokeslam and JR is thrilled but Bischoff is sat back down and Kane walks out for the countout.

Post “match”, Kane asks the fans if they want to see him destroy Bischoff. That seems to be what they want, but Kane is tired of doing what everyone else wants. Cue Rob Van Dam to go after Kane…and dive onto the barricade instead. Rob sends him into a chair but the Five Star only hits chair. Kane chairs him down and laughs. Well so much for Van Dam, but now we get to wait a few more weeks before he gets squashed at Summerslam.

Gail Kim says she turned on Trish because no one talked to her when she was champion and she wanted some attention. Fair enough actually.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending. Trish goes to fight Gail on the floor, followed by a Chick Kick to Molly. A Thesz press drops Gail but Molly pulls Trish face first into the apron. The villains double suplex Trish as JR is sounding just like his old self, despite being on commentary against doctors’ orders. Trish gets tied in the Tree of Woe with Molly telling Gail to hit her, only to have Molly ax handle her down and get the pin to retain in a clever finish.

Flair is worried about facing Goldberg with no one helping him tonight. HHH has been talking to Bischoff though and Orton is guest referee. Wouldn’t that likely mean the match, and therefore the beating, is going to go on longer?

Earlier today a little old lady was trying to get across a busy street when Rosey showed up to help her. He explains his name to her and gets hit in the ribs with a grocery bag. Hurricane comes in to say no good deed goes unpunished.

Austin comes in to toast Bischoff’s victory and has a little fine print for him: the winner of Kane vs. Bischoff will face Shane McMahon at some point in the future. That might seem a little convenient, but Austin was in a win/win situation. Shane wanted to fight either guy and Austin would have gotten a good attraction either way. That’s actually logical, even if it seems that they’re stretching quite a bit to get to the ending they want.

Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack

Still no Theodore Long. Rodney shoulders him in the ribs to start and cuts off a charge with a powerslam. Mack dared to mock the Hurricane pose before slapping on a bearhug. Hurricane fights up with a crossbody but can’t hit a chokeslam. Instead he goes with a high crossbody to put Mack away.

Rating: D. So much for Mack, but that was the case after the Goldberg feud anyway. Hurricane is a character who can work very well in certain circumstances and he can wrestle a very solid match, but there’s only so much you can do in a situation like this one. I actually like the team with Rosey, though it’s not something that would have much of a shelf life.

Post match Mack beats Hurricane down until Rosey makes the save. This seems to confuse Hurricane, but to be fair it’s probably confusing to have a 400lb Samoan in a home made superhero costume save you.

Video on the Elimination Chamber.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel. Chris Jericho wants to set the record straight about his hair vs. hair match with Kevin Nash. The rules are very simple: when he beats Nash, Kevin has to shave his head. If Jericho somehow loses though, he’ll shave every bit of hair off his face (meaning eyebrows only) because there’s no way anyone is touching these gorgeous locks. Jericho: “Watch how it cascades around my face as I flick it to and fro.”

Cue Nash with a metal briefcase to talk about how Jericho needs a makeover. Nash asks “Kerwin in the back” to put up some images on the Titantron. Jericho: “ONLY I CAN DO THAT!” Instead we put the clip on the Jeritron 5000, which is a shot of Jericho with his hair changing to various FUNNY styles. Jericho says Nash is funny but what’s going to be funny is eliminating Nash from the Chamber. Then he’ll take the title and put it back around his gorgeous waist.

Nash pulls out some electric clippers and wants an answer on hair vs. hair. Wasn’t that already accepted? After threats of beating him up and cutting his hair right now, Jericho agrees to the match for next week. Nash fights off a cheap shot and hits a side slam before pulling out some gardening sheers. Jericho tries to hide underneath the ring but comes out with a fire extinguisher to blind Nash and bail. I believe Nash had to get his hair cut for a movie so this wasn’t the biggest mystery in the world. At the same time it does add a personal issue to the Chamber and gives the fans a big match to look forward to on Raw.

Summerslam rundown.

Ric Flair vs. Goldberg

Anything goes with Randy Orton as guest referee. Orton slips some brass knuckles to Flair before Goldberg comes out. Flair wastes no time in hitting Goldberg in the jaw for a fast two and a belly to back suplex gets the same. Goldberg is right back up with a gorilla press for the customary extra slow count. A clothesline gets the same, because Goldberg is so well known for going for multiple covers off run of the mill offense.

Goldberg yells at Orton and gets chaired in the back for no effect. Instead it’s a shot to the knee to set up the Figure Four with Orton stomping on Goldberg as he makes the rope. Flair lets go for no apparent reason and stays on the knee but Goldberg spears them both down. Cue Shawn Michaels to superkick Orton, allowing Goldberg to Jackhammer Flair. Shawn grabs Orton’s hand and slaps the mat three times for the pin.

Rating: D. So Goldberg can beat Flair and Orton up at the same time. That’s some good information to know and I’m glad it took them two weeks to establish that fact. Goldberg could have speared Flair down and pinned him clean but why do what works with Goldberg when you can just throw everything together and take away what made Goldberg work in the first place?

Overall Rating: D-. Well it did get better from the Steiner match on but that’s about as much as I can say about this one. The wrestling was a disaster as the big story continues to be the adventures of the battling bosses who can’t actually fight, plus waiting on Kane vs. Shane, which isn’t that thrilling in the first place. Then there’s the Elimination Chamber, which has thrown most of the card into a tailspin. I’m not exactly looking forward to Summerslam at this point and the next few weeks aren’t likely to make things much better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6