Extreme Rules 2014
Date: May 4, 2014
Location: Izod Center, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the first “WWE Special” after Wrestlemania and it feels like a sequel. There are three matches that could be considered the main event and Daniel Bryan’s defense against Kane is arguably the weakest of the three. Other than that we have Shield vs. Evolution in a six man and John Cena trying to keep Bray Wyatt’s message from spreading and keeping it inside a steel cage. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: El Torito vs. Hornswoggle

This is the WeeLC match which exists for reasons beyond my comprehension and you win by pinfall/submission. There are mini versions of all three commentators, a mini referee and a mini ring announcer. Torito hammers away to start but dives onto the other Band members. Horny can’t manage a dive and Torito pulls out a chair. That’s no good for some reason so it’s off to a mini chair. A headstand in the corner sets up a Bronco Buster and here’s Mahal to interfere.

Torito crotches him on the top rope and sends Horny face first into Mahal’s groin. Horny takes Torito down and we get two sizes of stepladders brought in. Horny goes to the top of the bigger one but gets nervous so Torito lays down for him. Thankfully he moves when Horny tries a splash and we take a break. I really question the need for commercials for events airing on a service that I’ve already purchased to watch the show the commercials are airing on.

Back with 3MB and Los Matadores brawling on the floor. The commentators names: JB Elf, Jerry Smaller and Micro Cole. Torito gets slammed down for two and rolls out to the floor, only to be slammed down. Horny loads up the mini announce table (standing about two feet off the ground) and drops an elbow to drive Torito through. Fans: THIS IS AWESOME! Back inside with 3MB setting up a 6ft ladder and another mini table as Horny hits Torito with the mini chair.

The chair winds up hitting Heath low by mistake, knocking him through some full sized tables on the floor. Torito saves himself from being suplexed through a pile of tables and ladders at ringside as the Matadores make the save. Instead Torito DRIVES ALL THREE GUYS THROUGH THE LADDERS AND CHAIRS! Torito is laid on a full table outside and Drew misses a great looking flip dive for a crash of his own. Back inside and a springboard seated senton through a table gives El Torito the pin at 10:48.

Rating: A+. Do I even need to explain this one? One note: I really hope WWE lets this one be instead of trying to top it over and over again and driving the gimmick into the ground. You had an entertaining match. Be happy with that and maybe have another one down the road, but don’t try to make this something important on Raw every few weeks or it dies in a hurry.

The opening video talks about every authority facing some form of resistance. We also get a recap of Kane attacking Bryan and Cena trying to contain Bray Wyatt.

Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger

Elimination rules. Before the match Heyman says that this is the only night of the year that WWE gets it right. “Tonight the tribe of extreme gets together and acknowledges the fact that……my client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania.” The former Real Americans double team RVD to start before Cesaro hammers away on Jack with the uppercuts against the ropes. Rob gets back up though and cleans house with some kicks before monkey flipping Cesaro onto Swagger.

Cesaro catches a cross body out of mid air but Swagger kicks the legs out to get two on the Swiss Superman. Everyone heads outside for a bit as the fans are behind Van Dam. Jack and Van Dam head back inside with Swagger being thrown outside again almost immediately. Cesaro and Van Dam knock each other off the apron and Swagger runs RVD over with a clothesline for two back inside.

The Vader Bomb gets two on Van Dam but Cesaro grabs Swagger for the Swing. Van Dam breaks it up with a spinwheel kick, drawing some of the only booing you’ll ever hear for him in this town. Jack runs the ropes and superplexes Van Dam down to break up the Five Star to Cesaro, followed by a Patriot Lock on Rob. This time it’s Cesaro making the save and stopping Jack with a European uppercut. The superplex from the apron followed by a Five Star to Jack is enough for a pin. There was some confusion on the fall but Swagger was eliminated.

Cesaro rolls some gutwrench suplexes on Van Dam and counters the stepover kick with a great looking German suplex into a bridge for two. They head outside with Cesaro climbing the barricade, only to have his legs kicked out from under him. The spinning legdrop from the apron connects to Cesaro’s back before going back inside for Rolling Thunder and the split legged moonsault for two each. Rob tries to bring in a trashcan but gets it kicked back into his ribs very quickly. Back in and a quick Van Daminator with the trashcan looks to set up the Five Star but it only hits can. The Neutralizes onto the trashcan is good for the win at 12:35.

Rating: B-. I liked this more than I was expecting even though the ending was somewhat predictable. At the end of the day though, Cesaro beating two former World Champions in a single match is nothing but good for him. They’re clearly giving him a huge push and his showdown with Lesnar down the line is going to be awesome if they let him go into Beast Mode.

Daniel Bryan is having his shoulder looked at when Stephanie comes in. She’s worried about his well being and offers him the chance to forfeit the title right now. For his own safety of course. Bryan tells her to get out of his face because he’s walking in and out as champion. Stephanie thinks differently of course.

Bolieve!

Alexander Rusev vs. R-Truth/Xavier Woods

Lana dedicates the match to the most powerful man in the world and her idol: Vladimir Putin. Truth says there’s no time to rap and dedicates the match to the USA. Before the bell, Woods is kicked in the face and into Truth, knocking both of them to the floor. Rusev hits a release belly to belly on the floor to drop Woods and we get the bell as he hammers away on Truth. Fans: “WE WANT LANA!”

Truth gets crushed in the corner but raises a boot to stop a charging Bulgarian. The backflip into the side kick sets up a middle rope dropkick but Rusev is right back up. Lie Detector has almost no effect but an ax kick gets two. Rusev shrugs it off and slams Truth down before the Accolade gets the submission at 2:51. Woods was being checked by doctors for most of the match.

The New Jersey Special Olympians are here.

Evolution brags about how awesome they are as HHH lists off all of their accolades. They have egos but they’re well deserved.

Intercontinental Title: Bad News Barrett vs. Big E.

Big E. is defending and Barrett has the shot due to winning a tournament over the last few weeks. Barrett talks about how the MERS Virus and how it’s going to rip the United States apart very soon. A hard shoulder sends Barrett to the floor to start but the fans are already behind him. Big E. hits a hard running shoulder to drive Barrett into the post but Bad News slams him down on the floor. With a BANG BANG, Barrett drops a running elbow from the apron and gets two back inside.

Back in and Barrett stands on the middle rope before loading up a suplex (as in Big E. was standing on the mat and Barrett tried to suplex him while on the ropes), only to jump down and hit a snap suplex for two. Big E. hits a quick cross body for two but walks into a boot to the face. The champion gets caught in the ropes and nailed with a running boot to the face to knock him out to the floor again.

They head back inside where Big E. snaps off an overhead belly to belly followed by a regular version for no cover. This time it’s Barrett getting tied up in the ropes before Big E. spears him through the ropes to the floor. Bad News comes right back with Winds of Change followed by Wasteland for two. The Bullhammer is countered with a hard slam and there’s the Warrior Splash. The Big Ending doesn’t work though and a running Bullhammer gives Barrett the title at 7:50.

Rating: C+. This was basically a more intense Raw match but it worked very well for what it was. Barrett is definitely the right choice for the title as Big E. hasn’t done anything with it in months and Barrett is at least hot right now. It’s not a great match or anything and Barrett has been here before, but again it won’t matter if they don’t use him.

We recap Evolution vs. Shield. It’s basically the fallout of Bryan vs. the Authority as Shield saw HHH stealing the title as an injustice and stopped it before attacking HHH, Orton and Batista. HHH reformed Evolution as a result and wanted revenge on the Shield, setting up tonight’s six man tag.

Evolution vs. Shield

No special rules here. It’s a big brawl to start even though I didn’t hear a bell. Shield quickly clears the ring and now we get the bell. Rollins hammers away on HHH to start and a running dropkick drops the game. A clothesline sends him to the floor and Rollins hits a big dive to take him out. Back in and HHH hits the running knee to the face, allowing for the tag to Batista. The booing is immediate as he drives a bunch of shoulders into Seth’s ribs.

Orton comes in and stomps away in the corner. A pose is enough work for Orton though and it’s back to HHH for a facebuster and two. Batista takes him to the apron and drives an elbow into the chest followed by a hard kick to the side of the head. Back to Orton for a chinlock but Rollins drives him into the corner to escape. Batista and HHH break up a hot tag attempt but Rollins spins to his feet and kicks Orton in the head.

Now the hot tag brings in Ambrose to clean house by stomping on Orton in the corner. Batista gets knocked off the apron and Dean puts Orton in a Figure Four. HHH makes the save but draws in Roman Reigns to chase him off. The spear hits steps though and it’s Ambrose getting triple teamed in the corner. Ambrose is sent to the outside as the BOO TISTA chants start up. A powerslam from Orton gets two and we hit the chinlock. The dropkick gets another two count and it’s back to HHH for the spinebuster. Another tag starts up the BOOing and we hit a rear naked choke of all things.

Dean finally jawbreaks his way to freedom but turns around for a bit boot to the jaw. A DDT plants HHH and the hot tag brings in Reigns to destroy everything in sight. Clotheslines take out every member of Evolution but Rollins’ springboard knee has to break up a Batista Bomb attempt. The Superman Punch and Triple Bomb plant Batista but Orton and HHH make the save. Rollins misses a suicide dive and HHH hits the Pedigree on Reigns, but Batista can only get two.

There’s an RKO to Reigns but it’s Rollins with another save. Rollins and Orton fight on the floor with Seth getting the better of it. We lose a cameraman as HHH helps Orton. They double team him for a few seconds but Ambrose runs across both announce tables to take both of them out. Ambrose, Rollins, Orton and HHH brawl into the crowd as Batista and Reigns are still down.

We miss something loud but see Orton shove Ambrose down some steps. The camera stays on the outside as Rollins is nowhere in sight. Orton and HHH double team Dean but Rollins dives OUT OF THE BALCONY to take all three down. Back in the ring and Batista counters the spear with a spinebuster. The Bomb is countered and there’s another Superman Punch followed by the spear for the clean pin at 19:50.

Rating: A. It’s not quite Shield vs. Wyatts but man alive this was fun. I have absolutely zero problem with Evolution reforming to put people over and that’s what they did here. Shield looked like they were on totally equal footing with three former World Champions and one of the most successful units of all time. This was a great match and told multiple awesome stories. Great stuff.

The cage is lowered.

We recap Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena. The idea is Bray is trying to prove that Cena has a monster inside of him. Bray lost at Wrestlemania but we weren’t done yet. He thought Cena survived because of all of the people he had around him, so Bray started to take away the fans. Wyatt started by taking the children away from Cena by having a choir of children in black robes and sheep masks singing He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands in a bizarre segment. Tonight Cena is trying to keep the monster inside the cage.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

The fans sing John Cena Sucks to the tune of his music. Bray gives Rowan and Harper some instructions before the match gets going. He shouts that this is what Cena wanted but gets caught in a headlock. Cena jumps over Bray coming off the ropes but Wyatt just blasts him in the back with a forearm. A release fisherman’s suplex puts Bray down but Harper stops Cena from climbing the cage, allowing Bray to take his head off with a right hand.

Cena goes face first into the cage and Bray demands that he spologize to all these people for making them watch this. Rowan rams into Cena against the cage and Bray runs him over for two. John comes back with a catapult into the cage but Bray pulls him back in over the top. They slug it out on the top with Cena winning but Bray crotches him down on the top rope to take over again. We get the old dancing with the limp body spot before a release Rock Bottom gets two for Bray.

Cena comes back with a slam and tries to climb out but Bray does the spider walk towards the door. The running body attack gets two for Wyatt and a few rams into the cage have Cena in more trouble. A reversal finally sends Bray into the steel, allowing Cena to initiate his finishing sequence. Bray escapes the AA and tries to climb but Cena pulls him off the ropes with a Batista Bomb for two.

John calls for the door to be opened but Rowan closes it right back. It turns into a test of strength with Cena winning until Harper comes over to help. Cena shoves BOTH of them away from the door but Bray is back up with a jawbreaker for the save. Another ram into the cage puts Bray down again but Rowan shoves Cena back over the top of the cage.

Wyatt is back up as well but gets bulldogged off the top for two. Now it’s Harper climbing the cage for a fight with Cena, so John pulls him down into the cage. Cena kicks the door onto Bray’s head but Rowan is waiting with a chair. John climbs back in and gets caught in the suplex slam followed by the senton backsplash for two. Sister Abigail is countered into the STF but Bray crawls to the door.

Cena lets go because of the ropes being in his face which is better than a rope break at least. Harper is sent into the cage but Bray sends Cena in as well. He climbs up but gets pulled back down for an AA off the top, only to have Harper make a save. A clothesline puts Harper down but Cena is favoring his arm.

Rowan makes ANOTHER save so Cena grabs him by the beard and rams him into the cage. The top rope Fameasser puts Harper down but as Cena goes for the door we get the Wyatt satellite hijacking. The lights go out and come back to show a child singing in a demonic voice in Cena’s face. Sister Abigail puts Cena down and Bray walks out for the win at 21:12 in front of the terrifying child.

Rating: B+. This was too overbooked for my taste. The Wyatts interfering about 857 times was too much but the child coming in for the save was a nice touch and tied into the storyline well. That being said, Bray needs to get a win on his own over Cena soon. It’s not like it’s going to hurt Cena or anything.

Bray mocks You Can’t See Me as he leaves with the child.

The panel from the pre-show talks for a bit and introduce a package on WeeLC. Heaven forbid we go five minutes without seeing something silly.

Divas Title: Tamina Snuka vs. Paige

Paige is defending after Tamina won a battle royal. Tamina goes after Paige to start but the champion gets behind her and rolls Snuka up for two. Paige heads up top but gets superkicked to the floor. Back in and a slam gets two for Tamina before they head outside for a hard whip into the barricade to the champion.

Snuka loads up a top rope Samoan drop but gets caught in a sunset bomb for three. Well the shoulder was up but the referee counted anyway. The match continues though with Tamina hitting a spinout Rock Bottom for a close two, only to get caught in the Paige Turner and the Scorpion Cross Lock for the submission at 6:15.

Rating: D+. If this is the worst match I have to watch all night, we’re in for a good show. Gritty come from behind wins like this are going to do nothing but help Paige as she continues to clean out the division. It wasn’t a good match but it was better than par for most Divas matches on Raw.

Post match we’ve got Wyatts again. Bray says Little Johnny (the kid) did well tonight and now the message will spread. He gives Little Johnny a sheep mask as the kid says follow the buzzards in the demon voice.

We recap Kane vs. Daniel Bryan. Aside from their long history which is ignored here, Stephanie is sending out the revamped monster Kane to take the title back from Bryan. Kane has put the mask back on and gone after Daniel with a series of tombstones to injure his neck as well as trying to kidnap his wife.

WWE World Title: Kane vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is defending and this is extreme rules, meaning anything goes. Daniel, minus the neck brace, goes after him in the aisle and the fight is on fast. Kane drops him with an uppercut and hammers away at ringside. They get inside for the first time with Kane knocking Bryan down again. Back to the floor where Kane slams Bryan onto a chair on the barricade. Kane tries to throw a chair into the ring but hits the top rope by mistake. He winds up throwing two chairs into the ring and wedging one in the corner.

The delay allows Bryan to grab a kendo stick but he comes off the top into an uppercut to stop the comeback. A side slam through a chair gets two more but Bryan escapes the chokeslam and sends Kane face first into the wedged chair. There’s a missile dropkick to put Kane down and it’s a FLYING GOAT to follow up. Bryan blasts him with a monitor but takes too much time loading up the announce table, allowing Kane to deck him from behind.

Daniel fights out of a chokeslam through the table and hits a tornado DDT down to the floor. Kane shrugs off the kicks and tries a tombstone on the steps. Bryan uses the ancient martial arts practice of kicking his feet though and manages to post Kane. A long series of kendo stick shots knocks Kane up the aisle but he drops Bryan with a single right hand. Kane throws him into the set and knocks out some of the lights before they head backstage.

Kane throws a flatscreen TV into a bucket of water for some sparks and Bryan is crawling away. They head to the parking lot where Bryan finds a shovel to blast Kane in the arm. Daniel charges into a backdrop onto the hood of a rental car as you can see Damien Sandow in the background. Kane punches through a car window so Daniel finds a tire iron in the trunk to knock Kane silly.

Kane is of course crawling around a few seconds later but winds up on a forklift. Another shot puts him down and Daniel gets behind the wheel. Daniel somehow knows how to operate it and lifts Kane a few feet into the air before driving him back into the arena. He dumps Kane over the top and into the ring before climbing onto the forklift pallet for the Swan Dive and two. Kane sits up and counters the running knee with a chokeslam for two. A tombstone onto a chair is countered into a tornado DDT which missed the chair by about a foot and a half. Thankfully it’s only good for two.

Bryan blasts him about ten times with the chair before putting the YES Lock. Kane is able to crawl over and get the kendo stick but Bryan takes it away and pulls it against Kane’s face. Kane finally crawls under the ropes to get to the floor (thankfully no rope breaks) and is able to catch the FLYING GOAT in another chokeslam through the table. Now it’s table time but Kane wants to up the ante a bit by lighting it on fire. Bryan is able to shove Kane off the apron and into the flames though, followed by the running knee to retain the title at 22:34.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but at times it got a bit too over the top. That being said, having Bryan take a huge beating and then win in the end is nothing but good for him. This was very much in the vein of JBL vs. Cena in the I Quit match in 2005 or Shawn vs. Diesel in the No Holds Barred match in 1996: a big win over a monster to give the new champion more credibility. Not a classic but it did what it was supposed to do.

Kane sits up and stares Bryan down to end the show. I see absolutely no need for a rematch but that appears to be where we’re headed.

Overall Rating: A-. All of the big matches delivered and I was very pleased to see the title match main eventing the show. I would have been ok with either other match taking that spot but it’s good to see Bryan get that chance. The show was good from top to bottom with nothing bad and a great six man tag to go with a solid main event. This is the show where you don’t worry about stories and just have hard hitting matches which is exactly what we got. You can’t ask for much more than that from Extreme Rules and it’s what we got. Great show.

Results
Cesaro b. Rob Van Dam and Jack Swagger – Neutralizes onto a trashcan to Van Dam
Alexander Rusev b. Xavier Woods/R-Truth – Accolade to R-Truth
Bad News Barrett b. Big E – Bullhammer
Shield b. Evolution – Spear to Batista
Bray Wyatt b. John Cena – Wyatt escaped the cage
Paige b. Tamina Snuka – Scorpion Cross Lock
Daniel Bryan b. Kane – Running knee

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How could Wrestlemania have been a full month ago?  It’s time for Part 2 which is almost always entertaining.  Let’s get to it.

We’ll start with the pre-show and go with Hornswoggle to win due to having a movie coming out soon.  Not that the movie is ever mentioned or anything like that, but it does exist.  If they play this for total over the top comedy, it could be very entertaining.  It helps that it’s on the free show too.

Barrett takes the IC Title. Big E. hasn’t been the worst champion, but again the booking just killed him. He was the hottest thing around for awhile and now he’s just there, which has been the case since before the Rumble. Barrett is hot right now and a good choice for the belt, but I have no reason to believe it’s going to lead anywhere long term.

Bray has to win. He just has to. I’ll go with him getting the win and then getting to find out where things go from there. There’s no logical reason in the world for Cena to win here but if he does, Bray is pretty much done for now as a big time threat.

Paige retains in what should be the obvious match of the night.

Evolution vs. Shield is going to be the main event and likely should be given the build. There’s no reason whatsoever for Shield to lose here either, but you never can tell when HHH is involved. I was hoping for this to be anything goes but as of now it’s just a regular match. Reigns getting the hot tag and cleaning house will be a sight to see.

Bryan retains of course in a match that will be better tahn people are thinking. Brie being out there will help a bit (if nothing else it gives us something to look at) and the match is going to be more about emotion than action, which is the right call this time.

I stand corrected. Rusev crushing Truth and Woods is the obvious win of the night. Extra points if he Accolades both of them at the same time.

Cesaro should win the elimination match in theory as there’s nothing for RVD to gain by winning it and Swagger is Swagger. Beating two former World Champions isn’t going to hurt Cesaro at all either.

With only seven matches on PPV, there’s a chance we’ll get Usos vs. Wyatts as well and I’ll actually go with new champions if it happens.

Overall the show has potential to be very entertaining without being too heavy on the emotion. Yeah a lot of the matches are predictable, but that was the case for Wrestlemania and it worked just fine. The interesting thing is seeing where we go from here, as Shield, Evolution and Wyatt have almost nowhere to go after this. I’d assume Bryan feuds with Batista or HHH but I’m not sure I can see that happening anytime soon. I can’t imagine he’s getting anyone but Lesnar at Summerslam but we’ll get to that later. Extreme Rules looks very good though with some well built stories.

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Smackdown
Date: May 2, 2014
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re two days away from Extreme Rules and everything is set up. WWE has been doing a good job of getting things ready for the show and making me care about the matches, which is something they should have been doing for years when the shows weren’t ten bucks a month but that’s a different story. Anyway, the main event tonight is Ambrose defending in a 3-1 handicap match against Del Rio, Ryback and Axel so let’s get to it.

The opening video talks shows HHH taking credit for Shield’s rise to the top but maybe he gave them a bit too much power. This transitions into a clip of their brawl that ended the show with Shield standing tall. The match on Sunday should rock.

The handicap match is now a fourway.

Sheamus/Usos vs. Wyatt Family

This has potential. Sheamus is here after losing to Bray on Main Event thanks to the Family. The Usos made the save so here’s a six man to continue the story. Jey starts with Harper and gets two off a quick shoulder before it’s off to Sheamus for power vs. power. They slug it out with Sheamus taking over until it’s off to Rowan who rams Sheamus into the corner. Back to Luke for another slugout with Sheamus taking over via the rolling fireman’s carry. A knee drop gets two on Harper but Harper comes back with a hard shot to the jaw.

Rowan comes in but misses a charge, allowing Sheamus to nail a knee lift. A cross body of all things puts Rowan and Sheamus on the floor and a staredown takes us to a break. Back with Bray getting the tag to work over Sheamus in the corner. Wyatt runs Sheamus over and crawls along the mat in the eerie way that only he can. Back to Erick for a knee drop followed by a good looking superkick from Luke for two.

Harper knocks an Uso off the apron but walks into the Irish Curse to put both big guys down. A hot tag brings in Jimmy to speed things up and Harper takes a Samoan drop. Jimmy nails an enziguri to Harper and some shots to the face put Rowan and Wyatt on the floor. The Whisper in the Wind misses though and Harper nails a Michinoku Driver for two. Everything breaks down and Sheamus lays out Rowan with the Brogue Kick. In all the confusion, Bray makes a blind tag and plants Jimmy with Sister Abigail for the pin at 7:44 shown of 11:14.

Rating: C. Nothing wrong with this as the Family gets a win and the Usos are pinned in a six man rather than the usual tag match. I’d assume this sets up Harper/Rowan vs. Usos, potentially at Extreme Rules, which would be an acceptable title match given how weak the division is for the most part anymore. Nice opener here.

Post match the Usos dive on the Family but Bray lays them out. Sheamus tries to fight all three monsters but the numbers catch up with him. The Irishman is thrown into the steps and taken down by Luke’s discus lariat.

Adam Rose is coming on Monday. “Next stop, Monday Night Raw! Come along! I HAVE BUNNIES!”

It’s time for the contract signing for Torito vs. Hornswoggle with Vickie running things. 3MB and Los Matadores are here as well and Slater says Horny has some demands. First off, he wants 300 mini green M&Ms and 3MB’s greatest hits playing for his training sessions plus 10 copies of Rudy on Blu-Ray. Torito interrupts him and yells in Spanish with Diego translating: “If you mess with the bull, you get the horns.” Vickie says she wants to keep this night and short and cackles at her joke. Horny signs but Torito doesn’t have hands.

Instead they put ink on his hoof and slam it down onto the contract. Horny says he’ll prove he’s the bigger man and moves his chair up a bit. Torito cranks his even higher so Hornswoggle gets a booster seat. They both get on the table and shove each other before a pose off begins. The brawl is finally on and Horny gets gored down onto Mahal. Los Matadores clear the ring and Torito uses the table as a launch pad to dive onto the Band. Yeah this went long, but at least they’re playing it as totally goofy which helps a ton.

Jack Swagger vs. Rob Van Dam

The triple threat on Sunday is now an elimination match. Before the match Cesaro comes out with his new music that sounds like the start of Attitude Era Raw. Swagger uses the distraction to go after Van Dam as Heyman jumps in on commentary. An early Vader Bomb gets two for Jack and a belly to belly gets the same. Van Dam is sent to the floor and gets kicked in the face by Swagger but Cesaro grabs Jack’s foot, allowing Rob to hit a quick kick and the Five Star for the pin at 1:52.

Post match Cesaro Neutralizes Van Dam.

Bolieve!

Alexander Rusev vs. R-Truth

Lana has her hair down for a change as she rants about America invoking sanctions against Mother Russia. Rusev takes Truth into the corner and fires off a series of kicks to the ribs before getting caught with a side kick to the face. Rusev falls to the floor but is able to punch Woods out. Truth dives over the top but gets caught in the air and thrown back inside. Woods comes in for the DQ at 1:04. This was the second time the match took place for what was likely a reshoot.

Truth and Woods clear out Rusev a few times post match.

Here’s Daniel Bryan in the neck brace with something to say. Thankfully he’s brought the titles with him this week. Daniel says he’s the same as all the fans right here in Kansas City. They come together and overcome obstacles every day. They also take care of their families and that’s everyone’s number one priority. This Sunday, with a lot of faith, determination and heart, he’s going to walk into the Extreme Rules as champion and he’s going to walk out as Champion.

Kane put him in this neck brace and put him in pain but none of that matters because Kane put his hands on Daniel’s wife. This is more than personal now because it’s a war. On Sunday Bryan will send Kane home by any means necessary and if that means Bryan goes out with him then so be it.

Kane comes on screen in the mask and says Daniel is making that sounds like a bad thing. When he and Bryan arrive in the devil’s home together, he’ll give Bryan a tour. We get a preview of it in the form of a Kane highlight video, showing him injuring Bryan over the last few weeks. Kane promises to show Daniel the depths of his depravity and gives an evil laugh.

Bolieve!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow

Damien is still dressed like Magneto. Cole asks JBL to tell us about Magneto and we get a somewhat in depth character biography. Sandow even has the helmet (hood) on as Ziggler takes him down with an armdrag. A Stinger Splash in the corner sets up a neckbreaker on Sandow followed by an elbow drop for two. Damien comes back with a flipping neckbreaker for two and an armbar that Cole calls the Magnet. The Wind-Up elbow connects but Ziggler hammers away. We stop for Magneto to use powers but since there’s no metal on Ziggler, he nails a dropkick and Zig Zag for the pin at 3:23.

Rating: D+. Sandow was destined to become a comedy character so I can live with this for the most part. Thankfully Dolph didn’t sell the magnetic powers stuff, putting him one step ahead of anyone who ever solid Little Jimmy. It’s almost hard to believe that Sandow was Mr. Money in the Bank less than a year ago.

Video on Paige vs. Tamina.

Big E. vs. Titus O’Neal

Non-title. Big E. muscles him to the mat before leapfrogging over Titus. He runs O’Neal over with ease and kicks him to the floor with one foot. Titus LAUNCHES Big E. over the announce table and then throws him on top of it for good measure. Back in and Titus hammers away in the corner before putting Big E. over his shoulder for a kneeling backbreaker. O’Neal chokes away and that’s a DQ at 2:16. Great way to make me believe in Big E. going into Sunday.

Post match Big E. destroys Titus and whips him into the announce table a few times. He stands over Titus in the ring which I think is supposed to make us think he’s ready for Sunday.

Video on Wyatt vs. Cena, including clips of the Wrestlemania match and the segment on Monday.

A record is playing the children singing on Monday and Bray calls it beautiful music. Those children pulls Cena’s soul out of his body and handed it over to Bray. He believes that the children are the future and they trust him more than Cena. When Bray climbs out of the cage on Sunday, he’s taking the children with him. That’s going to leave him an old bitter man all alone. Follow the buzzards.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Ryback vs. Curtis Axel

One fall to a finish with Dean defending and Shield banned from ringside. The challengers all go after Dean to start but he jumps on Axel with no reservations. A 3-1 beatdown puts Dean on the mat with ease though and Curtis asks where Dean’s buddies are. Dean’s comeback is easily stopped and he’s thrown to the floor, allowing Axel to grab a rollup on Alberto for two. Ryback and Axel get in an argument and Dean comes back in to hammer on Axel. Ambrose is thrown back to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Ryback and Axel hammering on Alberto in the corner. Del Rio’s Backstabber gets two on Ryback but Axel makes a quick save. The fans are behind Ambrose as he saves a cover by Axel on Del Rio. Ryback and Dean go to the floor so Axel can dropkick Alberto down for two. A bad looking tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Curtis but Dean is back in to break it up and go after Ryback. Ambrose hammers on Del Rio and BLASTS Ryback in the face before low bridging him out to the floor.

The running dropkick puts Alberto down but Axel gets in a cheap shot to take the champion down. A Perfectplex is countered and Dean comes back with a hard clothesline for two of his own. Ambrose is sent to the floor and the Perfectplex gets two on Del Rio. Del Rio ties Axel up in the ropes for a top rope double stomp for a VERY close two and Ryback takes Curtis down with the Meat Hook by mistake. The armbreaker goes onto Ryback but he lifts Alberto into the air for the Shell Shock. Axel saves that pin but Dean slides in for a cradle on Curtis for the retaining pin at 10:04 shown of 13:34.

Rating: B. Take four guys and let them go for a lot of fast pins for a good while. This is one of the formulas that is hard to screw up and it worked well here too. Making it a fourway was a good call as it’s really hard to buy that Ambrose could win in a handicap match here. I can’t imagine he keeps the belt much longer though as he’s already got the WWE record with the thing.

It’s a triple team post match but Reigns and Rollins come in for the save and stand tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There were some issues in there but this was a good Smackdown for the most part. We got focus on everything with Evolution vs. Shield getting the least focus, which is the right idea after it was the top story on Monday. Bryan vs. Kane is looking better and better every week and some of the false finishes could be very good. Solid show this week and Extreme Rules is looking solid.

Results
Wyatt Family b. Usos/Sheamus – Sister Abigail to Jimmy Uso
Rob Van Dam b. Jack Swagger – Five Star Frog Splash
Alexander Rusev b. R-Truth via DQ when Xavier Woods interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Damien Sandow – Zig Zag
Big E. b. Titus O’Neal via DQ when Titus wouldn’t stop choking
Dean Ambrose b. Alberto Del Rio, Curtis Axel and Ryback – Cradle to Axel

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Today is Lance Storm. And I’m being totally serious.

Storm got started in Canada and went over to Japan for Wrestling Association R. This led to him getting a job in Smoky Mountain Wrestling as part of the Thrillseekers with his fellow wrestling school graduate Chris Jericho. This is a well known match of theirs from SMW Night of Legends 1994.

Heavenly Bodies vs. Thrillseekers

The Bodies (Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Pritchard) have Jim Cornette with them and Jericho is coming in with a badly broken arm as well. How did he break it you ask? Allegedly by doing a shooting star press into Jim Cornette’s pool. What else would you expect? The Thrillseekers seemingly come in driving a racecar, but the car is a ruse and they’re in the ring to clean house early on. Stereo superkicks have the Bodies in trouble and a double clothesline put them on the floor. Storm dives on both Bodies and the Thrillseekers rule the ring. Jericho’s arm isn’t in a cast so that he could be cleared to wrestle tonight.

He backdrops Tom down to officially start and Del Ray takes one as well. The Bodies bail to the outside again and it’s off to Storm for the first time. Lance kicks both Bodies down with ease and they head outside for the third time in less than five minutes. Tom comes in and takes Storm down before Del Ray comes in without a tag. That’s fine with Storm as he armdrags both guys down at the same time before Jericho comes back in for another double superkick, putting the Bodies outside yet again.

Back in and Storm tries to fight off both guys but gets tripped up by Del Ray, allowing Pritchard to take over with a bulldog. Tom backflips Jimmy onto Storm for two and a release northern lights suplex puts him down again. Del Ray lifts Pritchard up into a legdrop as we take a commercial break. Back with Storm’s back being double teamed and Del Ray getting two off a clothesline. Pritchard comes in again with a suplex for two of his own.

Tom tries to drop backwards with an elbow but Storm is out of the way and makes the hot tag to Jericho. Chris cleans house with one arm but Pritchard trips him up from the floor and posts him hard. Jericho is busted open and it’s a GUSHER. There’s a pool of blood on the floor less than 20 seconds later so Tom posts him again.

Back in and Jimmy rips at the cut like a good villain should and even Cornette gets in a shot of his own. Jericho is helpless here and the referee is thinking about stopping it. Del Ray pounds in right hands to the cut but can only get two. Pritchard drives a knee into the cut for two more as Jericho is just covered in blood. The referee (covered in blood as well from checking Jericho) finally stops it but Jericho literally begs to keep it going. For once the referee actually listens and the match restarts and Storm hits a quick spinwheel kick to give Jericho the pin.

Rating: B+. The wrestling was good but a lot of this is for the blood. That was AWESOME and one of the worst looking cuts you’ll ever see. Jericho looked like a star here and in what was kind of a stroke of luck, would leave SMW after this match to go to Japan full time. It’s a great way to go out as well as he looked great. This is one of the more famous matches from SMW and it’s easy to see why as that blood was INSANE. Seriously, if you like bloodshed, go find this match.

After some time in Japan it was off to ECW. One of his first major shows there was their first pay per view, Barely Legal. His original opponent was Chris Candido but an injury forced a replacement.

Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

So Van Dam is the replacement? That’s a heck of a sub. He looks weird without his gloves on. Styles is really getting on my nerves. You don’t have to call every single move. This is television, not radio. We can see what’s going on and contrary to popular belief, some of us know a few wrestling move names. The dynamic here is completely different that it was before and maybe it’s due to the familiarity of the guys in there but this feels like a far higher quality match.

The finger point thing gets zero response. And now we get to the reason why I couldn’t get into ECW. We have a solid match going here between two guys that are certainly talented enough to be out there on their own and deliver a good match. So what does Van Dam do? He goes and gets a chair. Yeah the pelting of it at Storm looked and sounded great, but seriously, why was it needed?

One thing ECW never was able to understand was the idea of less being more at times, which would have certainly been the case here. Van Dam is called a sell out here as he was actually doing some stuff in the WWF around this time and if you’re in ECW that means you might as well be a demon or something. Ok I know I criticized the chair but the chair surf thing has always been something I’ve loved.

Storm kicks out of the frog splash that I guess was only four stars. I love how a move can gain the ability to win a match as the guy doing it goes higher up on the card. Shawn Michaels used the superkick for years and it was just a run of the mill move. God bless kayfabe and star power I suppose. In a little sequence that I like, Van Dam misses a spin kick so Storm does the same move and hits it.

I guess he got serious all of a sudden after getting his teeth kicked in for awhile. For the third time in two matches, we see a handspring move. People, watch the match in the back please. It looks freaking stupid otherwise. We do the same thing as before (again) as Storm gets what would become the Canadian Mapleleaf on Van Dam but it’s just a standard move at this point.

The Van Daminator misses and Storm gets the chair for the weakest looking chair shot I’ve ever seen. The fans boo the heck out of it so if nothing else they’re consistent. Van Dam goes for a springboard move and botches the heck out of it (to be fair it was a difficult move) and you know what chant is coming. Storm somehow has a weaker chair shot the second time around.

Naturally this gets more booing, and the wrestling fan in me is shaking his head. Is it really that bad of a thing that Storm is a very good wrestler and doesn’t want to use weapons? Seriously, it’s not the end of the world. That right there is why it never appealed to the masses. Can you imagine someone that grew up on Flair and Anderson being sold on this? Anyway, the Van Daminator and a standing moonsault end this.

Rating: B-. If not for the completely unneeded chair, this would be a much higher rating. These two had a very solid match and it worked very well I thought. It was completely different from the first match and made me have a much better feeling about the show. The first match was a highlight reel match, but there was a flow here, although the ending could have been far better.

Storm would become a heel and join the Triple Threat stable as a prospect. This led to him winning the Tag Team Titles with full member Chris Candido, even though they loathed each other. Here’s a match between them while they were still champions at Cyberslam 1998.

Lance Storm vs. Chris Candido

They’re tag champions and they HATE each other. For no apparent reason Candido does a full entrance here. All Storm to start and a baseball slide puts Chris in the fans. Big plancha takes Candido out further. DOWN GOES SIGN GUY!!! The fans of course like Sunny more than anyone else and can you blame them? Candido fires off some chops to get some WOOs going.

Storm misses Candido and almost hits his face on the buckle. Close enough I guess as he sells it anyway. Delayed vertical is countered but Candido gets a neckbreaker for no cover. He’d rather pose a bit instead. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Storm tries to make his comeback but gets caught in a release powerslam. Storm comes back with chops as there are fans dressed as Bigelow and Sabu.

Big spinwheel kick puts Chris down again as does a dropkick which gets two. Storm misses a jump though and gets crotched on the top. Belly to back superplex gets two for Candido. Northern lights suplex gets two. Powerbomb doesn’t work and Storm gets a kick to take over. Candido fires off a super rana but he delays in covering again so it’s only two. They go the top again and Storm fights back and hits the Blonde Bombshell (top rope powerbomb and Candido’s finisher) for the pin.

Rating: C. Eh not bad and WAY better than anything else tonight, but just kind of there. These two feuded forever and had much better matches but this was ok. I’d rather have just looked at Sunny for the ten minutes they had for the match though. Not much and the whole Candido/Sunny issues went nowhere.

And a title defense from Wrestlepalooza 1998.

ECW Tag Titles: Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks vs. Chris Candido/Lance Storm

They still hate each other and even though they don’t get along and fight each other, they manage to beat every team in the company as they do it. Don’t you just love Heyman’s brilliance? Mind you the challengers were in the arena to make their challenge yet the champions are here first. In a funny spot, they argue over who gets top billing. Oh I get it now: the champions came to the ring and were introduced before they actually accepted the challenge. Is Heyman even thinking?

The Freaks are Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney in case you were wondering. To my surprise we start with a wrestling sequence. Something tells me this isn’t going to last long. Good night Balls Mahoney is worthless. Rotten is trying to wrestle which works ok but it’s hard to take a guy who wrestles for a team called the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks seriously. They do a standard tag match here and it’s really not that bad. I’m very surprised. Rotten throws chops and the fans WOO.

They start a BRING IN FLAIR chant and my head begins to hurt. First off, just no. Second off, isn’t that exactly what ECW is supposed to be against? Third of all, I love how they just assume Heyman can afford that. The fans were stupid at times and were dragged around by Heyman by their noses. It’s really pathetic at times. Sunny shows up and the champions fight over Storm saving her. “Hey! You keep your hands off my fiancé! If she dies who cares??? YOU JUST STAY AWAY!”

And now we get to the flat out stupid part of the match. Balls hits his finisher. There’s no one around. They should win the titles. He goes to get a chair. That’s almost understandable I guess. Now let’s have the stupid part. He turns around with the chair in his hand and Storm jumps up with a springboard to come at Mahoney.

What does he do you ask? Does he throw the chair at Storm? Does he, oh I don’t know, MOVE? Nope. He puts the chair in front of his face so Storm can kick it into Balls’ head. That was just pathetic looking. On and Candido hits Storm with the chair so he can get the pin and they fight back to the locker room. This has NEVER been done before!

Rating: C+. Other than the freaking idiotic stuff at the end, this was ok. The key thing: for the most part they kept things toned down and had a wrestling match. Since Barely Legal they’ve toned the violence down a good bit and it’s been helping a lot. This was ok and would have been a lot better had the ending not sucked as much.

After the team finally split up, Storm would eventually hook up with Justin Credible as the Impact Players. They would challenge Tommy Dreamer and Raven for the Tag Team Titles at Guilty As Charged 2000.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Raven/Tommy Dreamer

The Players come out separately for no apparent reason. To be fair the champions do too. Apparently the Impact Players are trying to take over the company so Dreamer and Raven are fighting for ECW. Sure why not. Raven is RIDICULOUSLY over. They can’t get in the ring as the Impact Players (I feel like I’m doing OCW again) fight them off. We hit the floor because that makes sense to give up your advantage like that.

The champions throw the other guys off the stage as they’re working together. Hey we go to an actual tag sequence. I’m stunned. Ok to be fair ECW matches usually do go to rules after the insanity dies down. Dreamer is both busted up and in trouble as we HIT THE CHINLOCK! It’s fun seeing these guys actually wrestle for a change rather than just having mindless brawls.

If nothing else we get to look at some rather hot women during this with Francine and Dawn Marie. Storm misses the second best superkick in wrestling and Dreamer gets the hot tag. Well kind of as he hits the hand but no one calls it. The referee realizes they kind of blew the spot and just lets it go I guess. Raven hits his drop toehold. I’ve always liked how simple yet awesome that was.

And there’s the Tombstone but surprisingly it only gets two. I would have bet on that being the ending. Storm sets up a table and then like an IDIOT stands in front of it. As he goes through it, the only thing I can think of is YOU FREAKING DESERVE IT. The girls go at it and it’s nothing special. There’s your Bronco Buster which still is freaking stupid. Raven takes a Singapore cane shot for Francine but walks into That’s Incredible for the pin.

Rating: C-. Give this more wrestling and a bit more time and this can be pretty good. This was just too short on wrestling and too little Raven who is the best guy in here not named Storm. This was a decent enough match though but it just needed more time to make it a good bit better.

Like almost all good teams though, they would eventually split. Credible would win the World Title and Storm would challenge him at Hardcore Heaven 2000. It was supposed to have Tommy Dreamer as well but he was too injured stepped aside.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Lance Storm

So basically Dreamer is busted up like a bad steak but is going to fight anyway. Francine turned on Dreamer and cost him the title at Cyberslam which was the show where Dreamer won the title from Taz in the first place. Justin says that if anyone other than Storm comes out he’ll throw the belt in the trash. Why not it’s not like it means anything. Dreamer’s music hits and here he is.

You know for a guy that was allegedly bleeding to death about two and a half hours ago he looks pretty good. Heyman comes out to talk some sense into him and here’s Storm and Dawn Marie. Ok so it’s just one on one and Dreamer gets the winner at Heatwave. What the heck ever. Let’s just ever this over with. Heyman keeps screaming that Justin has the company by the balls. That’s 8 times he’s said it now.

Dreamer shakes Lance’s hand, which is good since I think this is Lance’s last night as he left for WCW since he never got paid or anything like that. I actually remember this match which is a rarity for me and the original ECW. Storm hits him, Justin runs. Then we do that about 5 more times. Hey we’re getting some contact that lasts more than a second! Ah never mind he’s running again.

The cane comes into play and down goes Storm. Storm appears to be bleeding. Hey look it’s a table, because we’ve only used those in like 5 matches so far tonight. We chop it out for a bit and that goes nowhere. The fans want Dreamer. Psh, why would you want him? He’s only an advertised main event contender here. Why would you want him? Storm hits a decent rana.

This guy is just flat out talented. Joey talks about how they managed to keep Credible from destroying the ECW Title’s lineage. Yeah I’m sure the whole WCW wrestler losing to a WWF wrestler in an ECW ring and then the ECW Title being on Raw and Smackdown didn’t do anything close to that. Superkick (see what I meant earlier?) by Credible gets two.

Credible actually hits a decent cross body off the top, showing he can actually do a basic move properly. This is a major step for him I tell you! He then goes through a table, because that’s just how we roll around here. Storm hooks his finisher, the single leg Boston crab and it’s catfight time. Was there ever a point to these things? Dawn takes a Tombstone and nothing of note is happening.

Tombstone on Storm of course gets two. And now we just slug it out. Credible goes for a swinging DDT which he of course, messes up. The second tombstone ends it and it was just completely uninteresting as it just happened for the pin. And here’s Dreamer to beat up both Credible and Francine. Ok then.

Rating: D+. This just felt like another match. This would have been great on a big TV show or something like that, but this just didn’t do it for me. It’s ok, but for one thing does anyone buy Justin as world champion? I never did, and I didn’t buy Storm as a legitimate challenger. This just went nowhere at all and the ending was pretty boring too. Weak ending.

Due to Heyman barely being able to pay anyone, it was soon off to WCW. Storm would immediately be given a big push where he would win three midcard titles in his first month. Here’s US Champion Storm vs. Hardcore Champion Big Vito from July 24, 2000 on Nitro.

US Title/Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Lance Storm

Storm jumps him to start but gets slammed down as well as clotheslined. Vito pounds him into the corner but Storm comes back with a leg lariat to take over. That gets him nowhere as Vito pounds him into the corner and pulls out some weapons. A traffic cone is knocked into Storm’s testicles and it’s table time.

Vito takes too long though and Storm superplexes him down. An O’Connor Roll gets two for Storm as does a small package. Vito snaps off an overhead belly to belly suplex but the top rope elbow only gets two. An Impaler puts Storm down for another two and they trade superkicks. Storm throws on the Mapleleaf (half crab) and wins the Hardcore Title.

Rating: D+. This was part of the Storm super push where he won three titles in three weeks and just barely lost the world title match in the fourth week. Vito was a journeyman who did about the same thing no matter where he went. This was decent enough, but I’m not sure why you would open a show with it.

Storm would form Team Canada as a midcard stable. They would feud with the Filthy Animals and face them in a six man tag at Sin.

Team Canada vs. Filthy Animals

Team Canada is Elix Skipper, Mike Awesome (Yes he made a heel turn since the last show) and Lance Storm. The Animals are Konnan, Mysterio and Kidman. This is a Penalty Box match where the guest referee, Jim Duggan, can throw the people in a penalty box if they break a rule. The Canadians come out in a bus for no apparent reason. Oh and Duggan isn’t part of Team Canada anymore, I guess due to the beatdown last month.

Storm talks about Duggan being in the Animals’ back pocket which doesn’t sit well with the Hall of Famer. There’s no time limit given on the penalties so it’s a bit complicated. Duggan looks old. This is an old WCCW stronghold so you can tell they’re running out of ideas. Storm vs. Mysterio to start. Rey starts out flying around as it’s weird to see Storm being the bigger and stronger of the two.

Skipper and Awesome interfere a bit and are sent to the box almost immediately. Apparently it’s 3-1 for one minute. Tony makes a bunch of hockey references which most American fans won’t care about. Konnan powerbombs Rey onto Storm as the box is emptied out. Good thing the advantage meant nothing at all. Rey gets a falling splash and it’s off to Kidman.

Kidman vs. Skipper now as Awesome is sent into the box again. Make that Storm as well. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be the norm for this match? Konnan throws on some hold as they keep tagging in and out. The announcers are making it sound like the only chance the Animals have is when the Canadians are in the box. Back to full strength as Skipper easily out moves Konnan.

Matrix move is easily blocked by simply grabbing a reverse DDT out of it. The Canadians don’t like to tag for some reason. Off to Awesome and I’ll bet money on Storm and Skipper being sent to the box within a minute. Backbreaker gets two for Awesome. Major Gunns and Tygress argue on the floor and Duggan yells at them. Rey tries to cheat but is sent to the box for two minutes as is Kidman.

Powerslam by Awesome gets two. Tygress sprays Gunns with water or oil or something and they go at it. Only Gunns goes to the box though. Ah there goes Tygress too. Skipper drops a springboard leg drop on Konnan as we hit the chinlock. Yes because with a 3-1 advantage it’s the right idea to put a chinlock on. Awesome comes off the top with a clothesline as he comes in.

The box empties out as this is getting rather stupid. Off to Storm who walks into an X-Factor but Konnan is spent from doing two moves so he takes a little nap. Off to Kidman who comes in on fire. Well not literally but you get the concept. We hit the floor and everything breaks down.

Awesome has scissors and tries to give Kidman a haircut for no apparent reason and is sent to the box. Bronco Buster to Storm from both Rey and Tygress. She goes to the box as Storm gets a forearm to Rey, only to get caught in the ropes and hit by a leg drop. Off to Kidman who gets the Unprettier for two. The box empties though and Awesome hits an Awesome Bomb to Rey as Storm puts the Maple Leaf on Kidman for the tap out.

Rating: D+. Total and complete mess here with the rules seemingly added on for the sake of adding rules on. It didn’t help the match or anything but they did it anyway. Not much of a match as it was just a six man with extended faces/heels in peril spots. This feud went on more or less until the end of the company.

Here’s one more WCW match, from the final Nitro for the Tag Team Titles.

Tag Titles: Lance Storm/Mike Awesome vs. Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire

The more famous guys are challenging. Team Canada won a non-title match last week to get this. See, why is logic like that so complicated? That’s a basic story and it gives perfect justification as to why we are where we are here. After a quick break, Vince is with Trish again and Cole interrupts them. He says a bunch of WCW related people are worried and Vince threatens to fire Cole. PLEASE DO IT VINCE!

Storm of course starts with technical stuff. Tony almost says World Tag Titles but has to shift to WCW Tag Titles. Slingshot splash by Awesome for two. Hot tag to O’Haire and he beats the crap out of Awesome, hitting his weird reverse Samoan Drop. I could watch Lance Storm throw superkicks all day. Palumbo hits his Jungle (super) kick and the Shawnton Bomb ends it.

Rating: C-. I always liked all four of these guys so I was a fan of this feud. The match of course was really short so it’s kind of hard to grade, but at the same time this was ok I guess. It put the champions over and didn’t give us a title change for the sake of a title change, so I can’t really complain about that at all. Decent match but again nothing great at all.

It was soon off to the WWF in the Invasion. Storm would be the first WCW name to appear on WWF programming in a run-in at Raw in Calgary. A few weeks later he was challenging for the Intercontinental Title.

Intercontinental Title: Lance Storm vs. Albert

Albert rams him into the corner to start and Lance is in trouble. Storm sends him to the floor but his plancha is caught in a slam. Albert is rammed into the post and Storm takes over. Back in Albert military presses Storm and follows with a splash for two. Bicycle kick looks to set up the Baldo Bomb but Mike Awesome gets the referee. That allows Hugh Morrus to hit Albert with the belt. A superkick gives Storm the title in a short match. Storm got a BIG pop for winning the title.

We’ll jump ahead nearly a year to Vengeance 2002. Storm is part of the Un-Americans with Christian and is challenging the new Tag Team Champions Edge and….Hulk Hogan?

Tag Titles: Lance Storm/Christian vs. Hulk Hogan/Edge

This isn’t going to be fun is it? I think the tag titles went on both brands at the time but I’m not sure. Yeah they did. Ross then explains that Toronto is in Canada. Ok then. It’s also the Hendrix music for Hogan. Yes let’s pay a commercial artist for music when WE OWN THE MOST FAMOUS SONG IN WRESTLING HISTORY! He follows that up by TWICE, yes TWICE saying that Hogan fought Warrior at Mania 3. WOW.

I knew that when I was 4 years old. Hogan vs. Christian starts. That’s a weird thing to see: Hogan fighting a guy that’s young and talented that hasn’t been elevated up yet. Dang how out of place does Hogan look here? If you get another talented guy in there, you could have a pretty interesting tag match. Or like this: Edge vs. Lance Storm. That sounds perfectly entertaining. This however, just isn’t interesting. Also, within about two months, Hogan has won the tag and world titles.

He’s like what, 50 at this point? Is there a reason to give him such title runs here? I can almost guarantee you that Edge will get pinned here if they lose the belts. Naturally Edge is the one getting beaten down. Hogan comes in and Christian goes for that diving reverse DDT of his. Hogan botches the HECK out of it. You know, because it’s such a hard move to take isn’t it? Leg drop to Christian but Storm makes the save.

Hogan doesn’t take the superkick from Storm right either. Edge comes in to clean house while Hogan looks for a pudding pack or something. And there goes the referee. Test runs down to beat up Hogan and Edge. Storm covers Edge for only two. Wow that surprised me. Rikishi of all people comes down to beat up Test. Sure why not?

Christian distracts the referee and JERICHO comes out to nail Edge with a title belt for the ending. Wow it only took four guys to get the belt off of Hogan and he didn’t even get pinned. That might be a new record low for Hogan. Naturally, this title that Hogan was so proud of was never mentioned again and he never went after it again.

Rating: D. Just bad and Hogan looked awful out there. Four guys to get the title off of Hogan. He botches a ton of spots, and he doesn’t even let Storm or Christian get to say they pinned Hogan. Yeah, this is definitely about the young guys. Can’t you see that? Brother?

Another jump ahead, but this one is only about nine months. He’s in yet another tag team, this time with Chief Morely (Val Venis). This is the match that was cut off of Wrestlemania XIX for the Miller Lite Catfight Girls.

Raw Tag Titles: Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm/Chief Morely

The Dudleys are in champions’ corner for no apparent reason. Kane shove Storm to the floor to start and Van Dam kicks Morely’s head off. Van Dam hits a nice flip dive to take out the champions and Kane adds a plancha of his own to pop the crowd. We take a break and come back with the champions in control of Van Dam and Morely grabs a sleeper. Van Dam counters into one of his own but gets caught in a Blue Thunder Bomb.

Rob avoids a splash and makes the tag off to Kane who cleans house with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two on Storm. There’s the top rope clothesline for two more as Morely makes the save. Everything breaks down with the challengers in control and there’s the chokeslam to Storm. RVD loads up the Five Star but Morely shoves him off the top. The Dudleys lay out Storm with the 3D before dropping an elbow on Rob to give Lance the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here which had some strange booking decisions. Kane and Van Dam would take the titles the next night on Raw, so why not just switch them here to fire the crowd up before the show starts? The tag division was really starting to die around this point and having two sets of titles just didn’t work.
Since this is supposed to be about Lance Storm and not his partners, and since Storm didn’t have a lot of major singles moments in WWE, here’s a singles match from Raw on September 8, 2003.

Lance Storm vs. Rico

If nothing else we get to look at Jackie Gayda in a barely there outfit. The idea here is that Storm is boring and trying to find a personality. Rico starts the boring chant before the match so Lance punches him down. Goldust in turn starts a Rico Sucks chant and we’re ready to go. A quick suplex gets two for Lance but Rico comes back with a kick to the face and a clothesline before ripping at Storm’s face. Off to a chinlock for a bit until Storm fights up and starts firing off clotheslines. Jackie tries to get involved and gets kissed by Storm who quickly finishes Rico with a springboard missile dropkick. Short and not terrible here.

Storm would retire as a wrestler in spring of 2004 before becoming a trainer in OVW. He would however come out of retirement a few times, including at One Night Stand 2005 (ECW Reunion show) for a match with old partner Chris Jericho.

Lance Storm vs. Chris Jericho

It’s Lionheart here too and we get a dramatic pause joke from Joey. It’s great to hear Joey talk about the old days, which to be fair and honest were more or less crap but for the sake of this it’s fine. Jericho is freaking small here as he looks like he did in WCW which I mean in a good way. It amazes me that these two have been so intertwined throughout the years. Foley throws in that he was the guy that saw Jericho in Japan and got Heyman to bring him to America and ECW in particular.

We hear about SMW to really make this great. Apparently Joey and ECW don’t like that the New York Athletic Commission made them use mats. This is something that on paper sounds great and on a rare occasion like this one it works like a charm. With these guys here’s what you do: “Chris, Lance, you have 7 minutes, here’s your ending.” That’s all they need. Joey calls Foley Mickles. Ok then.

We get a big old Chris Candido chant who would have passed away only about a month and a half before this show. To say the crowd is hot is like saying Steve Austin might have had alcohol before. We have an F JOHN CENA chant. Foley: How does the Calgary Crab differ from its Boston cousin?

Joey: It doesn’t it’s just a gimmick. Jason and Justin Credible are here and with Dawn Marie running interference, Justin canes the heck  out of Jericho to allow Storm to get the easy pin. Joey complaining about itching from Jason is funny. Lance more or less retired after this.

Rating: B. This was rather fun indeed. These two have good matches just about every time they’re allowed to get in the ring and this was no exception. This is a pairing that it’s hard to get wrong and it worked out just about perfectly. Solid match and a solid ending to Storm’s final match in the mainstream.

Storm would almost exclusively become a trainer after this, though he would occasionally wrestle for independents. Here’s one of those matches, from ROH at Border Wars 2012.

Mike Bennett vs. Lance Storm

Bennett has his old trainer named Brutal Bob Evans with him but no Maria, as in Maria from WWE who is absolutely gorgeous. The fans immediately chant for her and I can’t say I blame them at all. They shove each other around to start with Lance being pushed into the corner which goes nowhere. Both guys trade strikes with Storm hitting a European uppercut to send Bennett into the corner and down to the mat.

Storm fires off some shoulders into the corner and a running version to the ribs gets two. Off to an abdominal stretch which is the most logical move for him at this point. Bennett quickly reverses and sends Storm to the apron and then into the buckle, sending Storm to the floor. Mike throws Storm into the announce table and then the barricade and we head back inside. The fans chant obscenities at Bennett because they can’t handle their countryman getting beaten up. Sore losers.

After sending Storm into the corner it’s off to a bow and arrow hold by Bennett to give the guys a breather. Storm flips out of the hold into a kick to Bennett’s face but gets caught in a backdrop to put him right back down. Back to the reverse chinlock with a knee in Storm’s back as Bennett keeps things slow. Lance fights back and they slug it out with both guys seemingly spent again after only a few minutes. In a rather impressive display of athleticism, Storm jumps from the mat and up to the top for a back elbow to the face, getting two.

The superkick is blocked and Storm walks into a spinebuster for a close two. Bennett tries a fireman’s carry but Storm slips down to the apron. A springboard clothesline misses though and Mike spears him down for two. Storm tries something out of a fireman’s carry but Bennett comes back with a sit out Rock Bottom called the Box Office Smash for two.

A dragon screw leg whip puts Storm down and flips off the fans (Storm mentioned that metaphorically in his pre-match promo) before putting on Storm’s own Canadian Maple Leaf half crab. Storm reverses into one of his own but Evans pulls Bennett to the floor. Storm hits a big dive to take Mike out before going back inside. With Evans distracting the referee, Mike gets a chair, only to have Storm blast him in the back with it and superkick Bennett down for the pin.

Rating: C+. This is probably the match of the night so far, but that ending brings it down for me. Storm using the chair is completely against what he’s been talking about leading up to the match and it goes against his style in general. Now, superkick the chair into Bennett’s face would have been fine, but it doesn’t feel right for Storm to just use the chair on his own like that.

Lance Storm is a fine wrestler but never reached anything higher than the midcard. What people don’t seem to get is that there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Storm could move around a ring very well and was often a bright spot in the mess that was ECW. No he wasn’t a top star, but he was a solid midcard and tag hand with an awesome springboard missile dropkick. He made Val Venis relevant again in 2003. That’s proof enough for me.

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Raw this week was again about pushing the major stories as we get closer to Extreme Rules. However there was another story aside from the two main events that blew the doors off this week. There wasn’t much wrestling but there was an old drunk guy that embarrassed himself yet again, meaning he’ll be invited back for years. Let’s get to it.

We kick things off with a bang as John Cena comes into the cage opening the ring. Cena isn’t sure what to think as the fans have seemingly turned their backs on him last week when they put him in a three on one handicap match against the Wyatt Family. It was a match he couldn’t win and the fans gave him no chance. Cena wanted to know why the fans supported someone who didn’t have his passion and warns them that if Bray wins on Sunday, his message will soon take over the world. Then the crazy started.

The lights went out and a group of children could be heard singing He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands. The lights came back on and it was indeed a choir of children all in black. Bray came out with the lantern as the children surrounded the ring and kept singing. The lights came on again and they were all wearing the masks and saying Bray had the whole Cenation in his hands. One of the kids sat on Bray’s lap as he evily laughed and the camera zoomed in on the kid’s mask. Cena was completely distraught throughout the whole thing.

Where do I even begin with this? It was a genuinely disturbing sign and potentially opens the door for a lot of ideas. What does Cena do when Bray has power over the group of fans he loves the most turns on him? What does Cena do when everyone is booing him? What do you do with a man has the power to control children? I have no idea, but I’m really curious to see where this goes. One thing is clear though: under no circumstances can Cena win at Extreme Rules. I can defend a lot of Cena’s booking but there’s no real way to say that’s the right move.

The Usos defeated Ryback/Curtis Axel in a Tag Team Title match. The story here was that one of the Usos (by the way, no it doesn’t matter which it was. They’re the same guy for all intents and purposes) hurt his ankle and couldn’t move as well in the second half of the match. That’s fine for a story, but when you tag him in and he’s just fine and can do all the things he normally does, the story doesn’t mean anything. He was throwing superkicks and dives like his ankle was fine, so why even bother doing the angle at all? That’s the kind of stupid thinking that drives me insane.

Adam Rose debuts next week. That should be awesome even if it’s just a squash.

Heyman told Cesaro not to listen to people saying he’s a liar, because he’ll get Cesaro to the top. This is still in the seed planting stages but the harvest will be awesome.

Sheamus beat Titus O’Neal in a 35 second match. This is another good example of how awful Sheamus’ booking has been lately. Titus attacked him and had Sheamus in trouble, but Sheamus just popped up and won with a single move. Would it really kill them to have Sheamus lost a single match or to actually show some weakness? I honestly don’t get this booking at all and I haven’t for months.

The Hugh Jackman/Damien Sandow/Dolph Ziggler stuff just kind of happened. Jackman is cool when he’s out there and I like that they actually tied it into his previous appearance. Sandow as Magneto actually made me chuckle and that’s the idea of the segment. Someone in the WrestleZone live discussion pointed out that Sandow was destined for comedy and the more I think about it, the more I completely agree. Sandow explaining science and math to people has potential though.

Cesaro beat Swagger in a meaningless match. I did like him winning with a German suplex instead of the Neutralizer though. It’s always nice to see people mix stuff up. Heyman pulling Zeb’s mustache for a distraction was long overdue though.

Alberto Del Rio squashed Cody Rhodes to further the Rhodes Brothers split. Nothing to see here as usual but it was fine.

Rusev and Woods had an angle disguised as a match. The squash should work fine at Extreme Rules, just like it did for Brock against the Hardy Boys at Judgment Day back in 2002, and yes I know that was a handicap match but his partner was Heyman so we’ll call it a handicap match.

3MB actually won a match against Los Matadores. The main thing here was the announcement of the Wee-LC match on Sunday’s pre show. I still don’t like the Horny vs. Torito feud but them playing it so over the top actually makes it much easier to sit through rather than them just playing it as a boring match that no one cares about.

Stephanie’s apology to Bryan was about what you would expect it to be. I’m surprised at how natural Brie Bella being out there with Daniel feels. The fact that they’re married in real life helps a lot though as I’m not waiting on them to break up at the drop of a hat for a storyline. Stephanie playing it serious is interesting but I think we all know it’s another ruse.

This led directly into Brie facing Paige for the Divas Title in another angle disguised as a match. Kane interfered about two and a half minutes in and tried to kidnap Brie but Bryan made the save. I liked that he sent Brie to the back like someone logically would do, but she came back and almost got pulled under the ring anyway. Bryan getting laid out again works fine and the match on Sunday should be pretty solid. The post break stuff with Brie screaming at Stephanie actually worked. The Bellas are still annoying but Brie seems far more like a human than her sister.

Cena gave a serious promo (odd line about Bray riding a mule aside) about Bray that made it sound like he’s going to war. This is the Cena I can get behind, but again he has to lose on Sunday.

Barrett beat RVD in a very obvious ending to a better than expected match. The post match stuff sets up RVD vs. Cesaro vs. Swagger on Sunday, which almost has to go to Cesaro.

The big segment to almost end the show was Ric Flair returning to Raw to talk about how great Evolution was. The surprise was that he wound up endorsing Shield before walking out. However, the interesting part here was that Flair was clearly drunk, as is almost always the case. How in the world this is considered ok in WWE’s eyes is beyond me, as anyone else that showed up like this would be fired almost immediately.

The main event was Orton vs. Reigns which didn’t last long and ended with everyone running in for a DQ. Evolution looked do destroy Shield to end the show but Shield fought back and stood tall to end things in a nice surprise.

This was another Raw that would have been a classic if it was only two hours long. The middle hour just crippled it though and even a good third hour wasn’t enough to make the save. It also didn’t help that nothing was going to top that Wyatt segment, which is often the case around WWE anymore. I’m ready for Extreme Rules though and that’s the most important thing a go home show can do.
 

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He’s kind of lost in the shuffle.Watching the Daniel Bryan documentary on the Network (worth checking out if you have an hour to kill) and it becomes obvious that he’s kind of lost right now.  The problem at the end of the day is we got the big moment at Wrestlemania and now everything has changed.  Yeah he’s still a big deal and incredibly over, but we hit the big point that everyone was waiting for.  The match with Kane will be good and the story is rather good, but it’s not the top story.  He’s proven that he’s worthy of being a top guy and will be for a long time, but it’s kind of hard to go anywhere after that huge story we just finished up.

This week was the heavy lifting show as we head towards Extreme Rules. We got the big angles taken care of and the World Title match is set with a great push angle on Raw. Other than that it was a lot of big time promos to get us ready for the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

The big segment opened the show as we had Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella celebrating the title win together for one of their few appearances together in the ring. It didn’t last long though as Stephanie and her horrible music interrupted things. This eventually led to Kane coming out and destroying Bryan with three tombstones, including one on the floor, steps and announce table, all while Stephanie’s bad acting reminded us that she was there.

This was the angle that they needed for multiple reasons. First and foremost, it makes Kane look like a monster heading into the title match. No he isn’t going to win of course, but this was the Ivan Drago vs. Apollo Creed moment that Bryan needed for motivation (except it’s Bryan instead of his friend of course). It also plays up Kane as the monster in the mask again which we haven’t seen in awhile now. Third it also lets Bryan get off TV so he can deal with the real life passing of his father, which is what really matters.

One more thing: Stephanie McMahon may look good in a red dress, but DEAR GOODNESS she can be annoying. It wasn’t even in the way it was supposed to be, as Stephanie is supposed to be her telling Kane to tone it down but it came off as her just whining and being condescending. That gets really old in a hurry and took away from the segment, which happens far too often with her.

Barrett beat Sheamus in the tournament in a surprise. That more or less cements Barrett as the tournament winner and I like the idea quite a bit. He’s been on fire since he got back in the ring and has been wiping people out with that Bull Hammer.

Hugh Jackman is guest hosting again next week. I’m cool with that as Jackman actually seems to love being out there which is all you can ask for from one of these things.

The Wyatts continue their creepy promos against Cena. Wyatt absolutely has to win in the cage and I think he’s going to. The thing is I’m not sure where we go after that, but I’m really interested in where it’s going given all those promos.

El Torito vs. Hornswoggle happened. Yeah there were others involved, but that’s the pairing that mattered. I can’t even begin to think of the people we can’t get on Raw, but these guys get their time of course, to hype a movie that has been mentioned I think once. Such is life in WWE.

The Shield vs. Evolution promo was awesome as well with Rollins in particular shining on the mic. It’s reminding me of Cactus vs. HHH to a degree with HHH being backed into a corner and forced to fight against people chomping at the bit to get their hands on him. There really isn’t much to say about this other than I’m far more excited about the match than I was before.

The Rhodes Brothers started their split while we’re getting ready for Ryback/Axel vs. Usos at Extreme Rules. I’m fine with both actually as Cody works better on his own and the magic of Goldust’s return was going to fall apart at some point.

Emma, Layla, Cobras, stupid.

RVD beat Cesaro to advance as well thanks to Jack Swagger. No real shock here as they had to get to this match somehow. The wrestling was better than I expected too. We also got a very nice post match segment where RVD planted some seeds of doubt in Cesaro’s mind regarding Heyman. I have a feeling this will be revisited in the future.

Paige beat Aksana in another not great match. At the end of the day though, I can’t blame Paige for a lot of these issues. We know she can go in the ring, but she’s no miracle worker that can drag a good match out of Aksana. It also doesn’t help that there’s the stigma of her being the best developmental Diva in forever so there’s a big standard to look up to. The finishing move looks awesome though.

Rusev squashed Sin Cara in a match that was more competitive than I was expecting. I kind of like that people are getting in offense on him but he’s just shrugging it off and winning fast. Lana’s legs continue to be mesmerizing.

Cena somehow beat the Wyatts in a 3-1 handicap match as chosen by the fans. I’m not sure why the Wyatts didn’t get the win here but it’s not the biggest problem in the world. The DQ ending made sense but it wasn’t the right choice overall. The post match stuff with Bray hugging an unconscious Cena and singing even more is creepy, but they need to follow up on it.

Overall Raw was entertaining this week but it was all about setting up the future. I’m genuinely curious as to where some of this stuff is going, but at the same time I’m really not sure they can pull off some of the stuff they’re setting up. Bray vs. Cena has potential if they’ll take some chances (no I’m not saying turn Cena) and the Shield rocket push is going strong. There’s hope at the moment but I need to see more before making a real judgment.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 21, 2014
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Things should pick up a bit before Extreme Rules tonight as the roster is back from Saudi Arabia and Daniel Bryan is back from his honeymoon. The interesting question now is what happens with the World Title situation as Evolution vs. Shield is taking over the main event scene and leaving Bryan in the dust. This rings of Chris Benoit back in 2004 but Benoit was nowhere near as over as Bryan is now. It’s going to be a great test either way though. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the champ to open the show and for once, Brie Bellaelson is in the ring for a YES chant. Well she’s certainly a better looking cheerleader than Bryan. They chant together until Stephanie and her horrible song interrupts. Stephanie congratulates Bryan on winning the title at Wrestlemania and getting married in the same week. The newlyweds talk about how amazing and simple their ceremony was but Stephanie has a present for them: a title defense against Kane at Extreme Rules.

Stephanie recommends that Brie get out of the ring because here comes the Big Fried Freak. Or at least his music as there’s no Kane. Bryan slowly backs Brie to the floor and Kane pops up to choke Daniel. Stephanie says that’s enough as Kane stalks Brie. Bryan tries to fight back and sends Kane into the steps but the monster rams him into the barricade.

We actually get a tombstone on the floor and here are EMTs to save Bryan. As usual this is a bad idea with Kane around as he breaks up the stretcher and tombstones Bryan on the steps in a SICK landing. Bryan is put on the stretcher again but Kane picks him up and gives him a third tombstone onto the table which DOESN’T BREAK. Bryan is DONE as we go to a break.

Back from a break and Daniel is being taken out of the ring on a stretcher as Stephanie offers her condolences and holds up the titles. Those replays make things look even more sick.

Intercontinental Title #1 Contenders Tournament Semi-Finals: Bad News Barrett vs. Sheamus

Barrett does his usual schtick before the match. Sheamus gets pounded into the corner to start but comes back with forearms of his own followed by the rolling fireman’s carry. Some more foreams put Barrett on the floor and Sheamus DIVES off the top with a cross body in a cool looking spot. Back in and Barrett fights out of the ten forearms before kicking
Sheamus off the apron as we take a break.

We come back with the guys still brawling and Sheamus hitting the ten forearms and top rope shoulder for two. Irish Curse gets the same but Barrett grabs the Winds of Change for two of his own. Barrett loads up the Bull Hammer but Sheamus ducks under and hits White Noise for an even closer near fall. They slug it out and a Cactus Clothesline puts both guys down on the floor. Barrett gets back in and Sheamus gives chase, only to charge into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 10:32.

Rating: C+. Take two big strong guys and let them beat the tar out of each other for ten minutes at a time. That’s a BIG win for Barrett as well, who is amazingly getting over with a strong character and a good finisher on top of that. Sheamus is going to be fine no matter what happens to him, arguably making him far more valuable than he was as World Heavyweight Champion.

Bo Dallas vignette.

Hugh Jackman is guest hosting Raw next week so we look at him helping Zack Ryder helping beat Dolph Ziggler in September 2011.

Pick Cena’s opponent tonight: Luke Harper, Luke Harper/Erick Rowan, Luke Harper/Erick Rowan/Bray Wyatt.

We’ve got Wyatts. Bray says he remembers the first time he was struck with truth. It tasted bitter but he loved the intensity of how real it was. Free will has become man’s biggest illusion. It’s promised to you just in time to take it away again. What has it given you? Nothing but a nation full of sheep led by wolves and owned by pigs. Tonight would be a wonderful night for change though because the power is in the fans’ hands. Tonight free will does exist and John Cena will learn the truth.

The truth is they stand against him, whether it be either of the brothers, in a steel cage, or inside your own mind. At Extreme Rules, two monsters will enter but on this night it will not matter which one has the sharpest teeth or the sharpest claws. One thing will remain the same: they do not love Cena anymore because Bray is taking them with him every single time they cross paths. Bray leads the fans in He’s Got The Whole Worlds In His Hands and tells the brothers to sing. Awesome moment.

Los Matadores/El Torito vs. 3MB

It’s Hornswoggle/Mahal/McIntyre here. McIntyre and Diego get things going but it’s quickly off to the little guys to continue this horribly pointless feud. They slug it out until Torito takes him down with a headscissors followed by a spinning springboard headbutt. Drew breaks up the pin and wants a piece of Torito but it’s Slater taking a gore between the legs for his efforts. Torito gets picked up but kicks Drew low, allowing the masked men to pick him up for a double belly to back suplex plus a seated senton from Torito for the pin at 2:50. For the love of all things good and holy, not at Extreme Rules.

We look back at Evolution beating up Shield last week.

Evolution arrives.

Here’s Evolution with something to say. HHH can barely talk due to what sounds like a bad sore throat so it’s quickly off to Orton to brag about how awesome Evolution is. We get a video on Evolution with a few shots of Flair thrown in for history’s sake. Batista brags about the number of titles the three of them have and says Shield has nothing to brag about. Cue the Hounds of Justice but Evolution immediately bails.

Ambrose says that they’ve lost fights before and they’re not humbled this week. He says there’s a reason HHH hired them to protect HHH and Orton. They are the meanest, nastiest, dirtiest animals in this industry. These dogs are hungry and ready to fight. Rollins says they have every right to be angry after what happened when Evolution had twelve other guys around them. In two weeks at Extreme Rules it’s Evolution vs. the Hounds of Justice in an all out war.

Then there’s nowhere for them to run and all three members of Evolution is going to be looking out for themselves. At Extreme Rules, Evolution is ripped to pieces and the reunion comes to an abrupt halt. HHH put a nail in his own coffin and the Shield is the hammer that drives it home.

Reigns says last week Evolution gave them an ultimatum. This week they have one for Evolution. In a few seconds he’s dropping this mic and coming up the stage for a fight. Evolution can try to fight like men, or they can cower away and hide. Here comes the Shield and here’s the midcard to stand in front of Evolution. HHH says it’s option three: adapt or perish.

We look at the opening segment again.

New Adam Rose vignette.

Network plug.

Usos vs. Rhodes Brothers

Non-title with Ryback/Axel on commentary. Jey and Goldust get things going with a feeling out process and the golden one getting taken down. Off to Cody tho gets taken down as well while Ryback tells a story about his dad tending bar for Curt Hennig and Razor Ramon back in the AWA days. Totally random but interesting.

Back to Goldust who takes over on the arm and rams it into the mat for some control. Ryback talks about how he’s been watching Goldust for nineteen years now which is a totally fair argument against him. In a very sudden ending, a superkick takes down Goldust and another is good for the pin on Cody at 3:10.

Rating: D+. This was much more of a story than a match and it looks like the Rhodes Brothers are wrapping up as a team now. To be fair it’s not like they’ve done anything in a few months now so they might as well be split up with the division actually having some depth now. Ryback was interesting on commentary to say the least.

Cody and Goldust shove each other post match and here comes the split. Ryback/Axel jump the Usos as well.

Emma vs. Layla

A distraction from the guys lets Layla take over quickly and she stomps Emma down in the corner. Layla cranks on both of Emma’s arms and mocks the dance a bit as Fandango leads cheers. Emma takes Layla down as Santino lays out Fandango with the Cobra. Emma pulls out a cobra of her own and layls out Layla for the pin at 2:20. Again, NO MORE OF THIS.

The cobras want each other post match.

The announcers talk about Legends House.

John Cena says it’s up to the WWE Universe tonight. We get the dueling chants and he thinks Bray might have everyone in his hands.

Intercontinental Title #1 Contender Tournament Semi-Finals: Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam

Before the match we see Heyman talking about his clients and going on about Lesnar conquering the Streak. We take a break and come back with him still ranting about it until RVD’s music cuts him off. Feeling out process to start with Van Dam’s kicks being caught into a big slam for two as the announcers debate how great a manager Heyman really is. A middle rope kick to the face drops Cesaro but he comes back with a nice suplex for two. Rob misses a charge into the post and Cesaro kicks him even further into the post as we take another break.

Back with Van Dam’s sunset flip being countered by a jumping stomp to the chest for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Rob comes back and kicks Cesaro in the head to escape. A hard clothesline and kick to the face set up Rolling Thunder for two. The Five Star is broken up by a STIFF uppercut but another kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault from Rob for another near fall. Yet another spinning kick misses and Cesaro hits a running uppercut to the back of the head and rolls Rob to the mat.

They slug it out and a rolling cradle gets two for Van Dam, only to have Cesaro nail a tiger bomb for an even closer two. Cesaro loads up the Swing but here are Swagger and Colter for a distraction. Van Dam gets in another kick to send Cesaro outside and Swagger comes for a closer look. Rob tries to dive at them but jumps into a sweet uppercut to the jaw from Cesaro. Rob is thrown back inside as Swagger posts Cesaro, allowing for the countout to send RVD to the finals at 13:19.

Rating: B-. Good stuff here with the styles working together perfectly here. The ending was somewhat predictable as you already had Barrett waiting in the finals for the winner. At least the match was good getting there and Barrett should be a lock to win next week. Good match here and far better than I was expecting.

Post match Cesaro goes to swing Colter but has to settle for Swagger instead.

We look at Bryan getting destroyed again.

Cesaro and Heyman come up to RVD in the back and say Colter and Swagger won that match for Van Dam. Rob suggests Cesaro stay as far away from Heyman as possible.

Paige vs. Aksana

Non-title again. The announcers immediately start hyping up Tamina as a tough Diva as Paige throws Aksana across the ring by the hair a few times. Aksana comes back with some choking and throws Paige down as the announcers make fun of Aksana’s very notable tan. She crawls around on the mat but Paige slams her into the mat over and over again to take over. A series of clotheslines has Aksana in trouble but she comes back with a throw, apparently supposed to be a spinebuster. Paige comes back with a guillotine choke and some knees to the head, setting up the Scorpion Cross Lock for the submission at 4:42.

Rating: D+. I’m feeling sorry for Paige as they keep putting her in there with this chick. Aksana is gorgeous and looks great with the dark hair, but at the end of the day she just can’t do it in the ring. The crawling around stuff looks stupid and the whole thing isn’t working at all. Therefore, let’s use HER to get Paige over because that’s playing to Paige’s strengths right?

Alexander Rusev vs. Sin Cara

Truth/Woods vs. Rusev at the PPV which should cement the ending here. Cara fires off his chops but gets caught in mid air, setting up the knees against the ropes and fall away slam to the masked man. Some jumping knees in the corner drop Sin Cara as Lana is very pleased. Sin Cara actually gets two off a sunset flip and staggers the Bulgarian with a Tajiri elbow. A kick to the head and missile dropkick put Rusev in the corner but Alexander just runs him over. An overhead suplex drops Sin Cara and the Accolade gets the submission at 2:59.

The 3-1 handicap match wins the poll with 53%. Harper on his own got a very surprising 39% with the 2-1 getting less than 10%.

John Cena vs. Wyatt Family

The Wyatts surround the ring to start before all three charge the ring at the same time. Cena is down so Bray calls them off as the bell rings. Harper gets us going and drives elbows into the back of Cena’s head to keep control. Off to Rowan who whips Cena into the corner but gets caught in a fallaway slam and it’s off to Bray. The leader of the Family dances with Cena for a bit before screaming loudly.

Back to Harper who gets caught by a Stinger Splash but runs John over with a hard elbow to the jaw. Cena muscles Harper over with a German suplex but Luke tags Rowan back in for more stomping. Harper quickly gets another tag but is almost caught in an STF. Rowan makes a fast save and Harper stays in to send Cena hard into the steps. Bray looks down and we take a break.

We come back to see Cena missing a cross body and falling out to the floor. John comes back in and runs over Harper but Bray easily counters a tornado DDT by PLANTING him with a release Rock Bottom. He hammers away and sends Cena shoulder first into the post. A headbutt rams Cena’s head into the steel again before Rowan comes back in to crush Cena’s skull a bit more.

John fights back but it’s back to Bray who loads up the spider walk. Thankfully Cena realizes how easy this is and runs him over with a clothesline to start his comeback. Cena starts his finishing sequence and hits the AA on Bray, only to have the Family come in for the DQ at 14:00.

Rating: C. The match was going fine ubt you knew there was no way this was having a clean finish. I’m not sure why you don’t have Cena take the loss here as it’s not like losing a handicap match here is a big deal. Bray needs to get the big win over Cena and hopefully that comes at Extreme Rules. Not bad but I don’t like the ending.

Post match the Wyatts beat Cena down and Bray hits Sister Abigail. He says in time, all things come to light before singing a bit more with his hand on Cena’s face to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Some stuff got done tonight but the main event has more problems caused by real life. Daniel Bryan being written off TV again to deal with the sudden passing of his father (legitimate story and certainly worth missing some time) hurts things as he’s starting to lose some of the awesome heat he put together with Wrestlemania. That being said, the Shield vs. Evolution match is looking AWESOME and everything is going well there. The midcard scene was solid tonight as well so we’ll go with a good show that has some worrying issues.

Results
Bad News Barrett b. Sheamus – Bull Hammer
Los Matadores/El Torito b. 3MB – Double belly to back suplex/Top rope seated senton to McIntyre
Usos b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Superkick to Rhodes
Emma b. Layla – Cobra
Rob Van Dam b. Cesaro via countout
Alexander Rusev b. Sin Cara – Accolade
Paige b. Aksana – Scorpion Cross Lock
John Cena b. Wyatt Family via DQ when all three members were in the ring at the same time

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Raw on Monday was a hybrid between the Ultimate Warrior tribute show which can make for some less interesting shows. We also got the first round of a tournament to find a new #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title. The problem is Daniel Bryan is on his honeymoon so there’s not a lot that can happen. Let’s get to it.

First up was the Ultimate Warrior tribute which worked better than I expected. The video worked very well, the roster on the stage in Warrior shirts and fans with Warrior masks looked great and the ten bell salute was its usual tear jerking moment. There really isn’t much to complain about here because they did everything the way it was supposed to be done.

RVD advanced by beating Del Rio. There’s not much to say here, much like with almost all Del Rio matches anymore. He did his arm stuff and the other guy did the rest. It’s a pattern he’s fallen into and it’s not working for me much anymore. That’s why I liked his face push so much last year. He’s a talented guy and it allowed him to show off a lot of those skills that we don’t often get to see now that his moveset is getting rather short. Note that there’s a difference between limited moveset and being lazy. Del Rio’s offense makes a lot of sense for what he does but he doesn’t go that far beyond.

We got some classic Warrior moments throughout the night including Summerslam 1988 vs. Honky Tonk Man, Wrestlemania VI against Hogan and Summerslam 1990 against Rick Rude. I understand that you can’t show full fifteen to twenty minute matches on Raw, but I was surprised they showed a clip of the FORTY FIVE SECOND Summerslam 1988 match. Seriously, from bell to bell it’s less than a minute and from Honky Tonk Man’s music hitting to Warrior leaving is less than five minutes. You really need to clip something in there?

Ryback/Axel beat the Rhodes Brothers. This is a good example of the problem with the division: the match was ok at best but Ryback and Axel are “on a roll” after winning a grand total of two straight matches. Before then, their last win as a team was over two months ago. It’s REALLY hard to buy them as a hot team when they’re like 4-16 this year. It also doesn’t help that we’ve seen every team against every team so many times now that there’s almost nothing new to see. Have some longer feuds, but give them a story to help us carry them along. Why is this so hard?

Paige squashed Alicia Fox. That Scorpion Cross Lock looks AWESOME and is a great compliment to the Paige Turner. This was a much better performance from her this week.

We got a rematch from last week with the Usos vs. Randy Orton/Batista. The Usos got beaten up again but thankfully they didn’t get pinned or give up. I can live with the champions getting beaten down and the Shield running in for the DQ because there was a chance the Usos could have made a comeback if they were given the chance. Not having champions job clean is all I ask. Having them lose like this doesn’t really hurt anyone though so no real issue here.

Cesaro advanced by Neutralizing Henry. There’s nothing here we haven’t seen a bunch of times but it’s still cool looking.

Rusev squashed Xavier Woods and set up a future match against R-Truth. I didn’t really see the match as it was less than a minute long and I was looking at Lana.

Sheamus advanced over Jack Swagger in a match that is showing the problem with most Sheamus matches. He was in trouble for most of the match but just popped up with a Brogue Kick for the win. I like the guy, but he’s in need of some adjustments in his character. For one thing, it’s ok to have him lose on occasion as it would make him seem more human. On top of that, GIVE HIM A STORY ALREADY!

Big Show knocked out Sandow in a segment that wasn’t even a match. I’m not sure what the point here was but if it’s to push Sandow, they’re going about it in their typically stupid and highly backwards way.

Now we get to the stupid part of the show, as the Wyatts had another good promo about bringing the monster out of John Cena and John responded by showing pictures of the Wyatts dressed as women. This is an old standard “comedy” bit for WWE and it just isn’t funny. It’s not witty, it’s not intelligent, it doesn’t make a point about anything. It’s something a 15 year old can do with an old version of Photoshop and think it’s the funniest thing EVER but instead we’re getting it from the top star in a multi-million dollar company in prime time television.

This is a good example of what scripted promos can do. The Raw script leaked and Cena’s promo was mostly written out in advance. As you can see, there’s a major problem with the WWE’s writing staff: they’re not very funny. Guys like Santino are funny and he’s allowed to do some funny stuff at times. While I’m not a Santino fan at all, at least he mixes things up on occasion.

The writers have a few standard bits they go to when they want to be funny and they just don’t work most of the time. This wasn’t one of them and you would be much better off letting Cena do his own thing out there, as he’s proven he can more than handle a microphone. Oh yeah and Cena vs. Bray in a cage at Extreme Rules. That could be fun.

Speaking of Santino, he and Emma lost a mixed tag to Fandango and Layla. I still have no idea why I’m supposed to care about this feud at all, nor why you would spend a few weeks building Emma up and then have her lose in 80 seconds here.

Stephanie got Kane to put the mask back on for revenge on Daniel Bryan. At first I thought this was stupid but the more I think about it the more I think it could work. It’s very much like Foley becoming Cactus Jack for the violent feuds and that worked well enough to go its job.

Dolph Ziggler lost to Bad News Barrett in the final match. I’m digging the Barrett push, but they’ll need to put him over Sheamus, which would likely set up Barrett vs. Cesaro in the finals and that’s just not happening. In other words, they’re shooting themselves in the foot with this booking again.

The main event was Shield vs. eleven heels which didn’t last long as a brawl broke out and Evolution reunited for a big beatdown of Shield to end the show. See, now THIS is how you bring a stable back. There’s a logical reason for this group to come together again and it’s going to be used to give Shield a big rub. Far bigger than they got from the Outlaws at least.

Raw on Monday really didn’t do it for me. It felt like a totally skippable show which oddly enough didn’t feel like much of a tribute. It was more like “Warrior died and we’re all genuinely sad but we really don’t have time to stop and wait for anything so on with the show!” I can understand that, but would airing a few more people talking about him have hurt? I mean, I know it would have meant no Santino vs. Fandango Part 73 but I think we can all live with a break from that feud.

The wrestling was pretty lame as well with no match being entertaining beyond just a basic level. Evolution is a nice idea but the tournament had the same problems every tournament has: I don’t need to watch anything until the final, because the first matches were nothing we hadn’t seen before. But hey, tournaments rock right?

Finally, it was a good example of why the booking just doesn’t work a lot of the time. Yeah I know it’s Extreme Rules so it’s time for rematches, but Cena vs. Wyatt worked so well the first time because Cena didn’t go for the “comedy”. Now we’ve got pictures of the Wyatts as old women and it’s neither funny nor advancing anything at all. It’s hard to take the feud seriously when Cena has gone from nearly bashing Bray’s head in with a chair to this in eight days. Again, that’s mainly on the writers though, as they have no idea how to do a long form story.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 14, 2014
Location: BJCC Arena, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Tonight is going to be an interesting episode as it’s a tribute show to the Ultimate Warrior. However there’s going to be some regular stuff too, including the start of a tournament for the #1 contendership to the Intercontinental Title. In a way that’s good as I’m not sure there’s enough Warrior stuff to fill in three hours. Also given how good things are going for the WWE, it’s nice to see things continue. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster on the stage and an In Memory graphic on the screen. Most of the people are in Warrior shirts.

First up is a music video set to a song called Catch A Falling Star. We get a highlight video of Warrior with various people, including HHH, Hogan and Stephanie, talking about how awesome he was. It also shows some shots of his Hall of Fame speech and shots of him with his daughters. There are also shots of his speech last week.

Ten bell salute.

The fans have been given Warrior masks. Nice touch. HHH starts a Warrior chant.

Here are the tournament brackets.

Mark Henry

Cesaro

Rob Van Dam

Alberto Del Rio

Sheamus

Jack Swagger

Dolph Ziggler

Bad News Barrett

Intercontinental Title #1 Contenders Tournament First Round: Rob Van Dam vs. Alberto Del Rio

Van Dam starts with some kicks to the face and a spinning cross body out of the corner for two. A clothesline puts Alberto on the floor but he comes back in and kicks Rob down to take over. Alberto gets two off a suplex but is sent outside as we take an early break. Back with Del Rio in control and getting two each off a DDT and Backstabber.

Van Dam scores with a kick but gets caught by the enziguri off the top rope for two, frustrating the former aristocrat. Back in and the armbreaker is countered into a rolling cradle for two and Van Dam pulls Del Rio off the top, sending him head first into the buckle. The Five Star sends RVD to the semi-finals at 10:15.

Rating: D+. This really didn’t do much for me as the offense was WAY off with the kicks and punches missing left and right. On top of that a good chunck of the match was spent in the commercial so we only got about two thirds of the thing. RVD is good in the ring but he should be putting over young guys, which to be fair he might do by the end of this.

We look at the end of last week’s show with Shield officially turning face by attacking HHH, Orton and Batista.

HHH, Batista, Orton and Stephanie shake hands and have a meeting we can’t hear in the back.

We look back at a classic Warrior match. From Summerslam 1988 with Warrior winning the Intercontinental Title. Amazingly enough, it’s a thirty five second match and they show a package on it instead of the whole match.

HHH tells Orton and Batista they need to be united. They both want to be champion though, and say HHH is on his own.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Goldust/Cody Rhodes

Goldust starts with Axel and we’re already on the arm work. The Brothers take turns on Curtis’ arm and Goldust gets two off a knee to the chest. Goldust is taken into the corner for the tag to Ryback and the heel beating begins. A middle rope splash from Ryback and middle rope elbow from Axel combine for two.

Off to a chinlock from Ryback for a few moments until Goldust fights up and makes the tag off to his brother. The moonsault press mostly misses and almost looked like Ryback slammed him down instead. Cody dives off the top to take Ryback down again and a springboard missile dropkick gets two. Everything breaks down and Ryback is able to clothesline the heck out of Cody for the pin at 6:00.

Rating: D+. I didn’t like this for the most part either but the right team won. Ryback REALLY needs to get away from Axel though as Curtis is just dragging him down every time they’re on screen together. Also, can we get a banning on just combining wrestler names to make a team? Be creative, like with Rhodes Scholars. That was at least thinking.

Legends House ad.

Bo Dallas is coming.

We look back at Paige winning the Divas Title last week.

Alicia Fox vs. Paige

Non-title. Paige easily takes her down to start and sends Fox out to the floor. Back in and Fox shoves the new champion around with ease, only to get chopped HARD out of the corner. A northern lights suplex with a great looking bridge gets two for Fox. Paige comes back with some clotheslines and a running kick, setting up the Scorpion Crosslock for the win at 3:29.

Rating: C-. Paige looked WAY better this week which is probably due to a lack of nerves. To be fair though, last week was only one really bad looking move. Paige is going to be something special though as she’s being given the time to get over with the audience. That finisher is going to help a lot as well.

Usos vs. Batista/Randy Orton

Non-title and the Usos are in Ultimate Warrior themed paint. The Usos quickly send them to the floor for some big dives and the Ultimate Warrior rope shake makes the fans happy. Things start properly with Orton hammering Jey into the corner and the backbreaker keeps him in trouble. Off to Batista who grabs a quick suplex for two before it’s back to Orton. A spinebuster gets the same and they head outside with Orton ramming Jey into the announce table, only to have Shield run in and massacre Randy for the DQ at 4:08.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but the Usos not losing clean is a good thing. Yeah they were in trouble but they didn’t get pinned and that’s all that matters at the end of the day. Shield going on offense is interesting as well and the match at Extreme Rules should be awesome.

Batista takes the Superman Punch to send him running.

Another Warrior Moment: winning the WWF Title from Hulk Hogan. I’d have thought they would air that match.

HHH glares at Orton and Batista after a break. Nothing is said.

Paul Heyman says he represents the man that conquered the Streak. If you think he’s going to drive that in until the end of time, it’s because he is. Heyman says it about six times in a row and shows us some photos of Undertaker walking away and of Brock destroying him last Sunday. Here’s the new next big thing: Cesaro.

Intercontinental Title #1 Contenders Tournament First Round: Cesaro vs. Mark Henry

They lock up to start and Cesaro climbs up the ropes to shove off but still gets thrown to the mat and then to the floor. Heyman says go to plan two so Cesaro fires off uppercuts in the corner. A big running one sets up rights and lefts to the ribs but Henry keeps shoving him away. There’s a clothesline for two but Henry can barely stand up. The World’s Strongest Slam doesn’t work and a middle rope uppercut puts Henry down. Cesaro acutally Neutralizes him for the pin at 3:19.

Rating: C. At the end of the day, there’s very little more awesome than a strong man lifting up someone very heavy and throwing them around with ease. That’s the kind of stuff you can put on a highlight reel for years and it’s still going to look cool. I’m wondering when the King of Swing will swing people though.

The Thank You video from last week airs.

The Authority sends Brad Maddox to put Shield in the main event but won’t say who their opponents are.

Alexander Rusev vs. Xavier Woods

Woods has been beaten up by Rusev in NXT for awhile. Kick to the chest, spinning slam, Accolade and submission in 47 seconds.

R-Truth tries to make the save post match and gets laid out.

Another Warrior Moment is the main event of Summerslam 1990 with Warrior defending the title inside a cage.

We get a clip of a special on Daniel Bryan’s journey to Wrestlemania.

Intercontinental Title #1 Contenders Tournament First Round: Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger

Jack takes him into the corner for some knees to the ribs but gets kicked in the face and dropped with a clothesline. A Colter distraction breaks up the ten forearms to the chest and Swagger catches Sheamus in a powerslam coming off the apron. Back in and a belly to belly suplex gets two on Sheamus but he comes back with a forearm to the head.

Some running knees and a kick to the back put Swagger down and a knee drop gets two. There are the ten forearms and a top rope shoulder for two. Sheamus misses a slingshot shoulder and gets caught in the Patriot Lock but Jack is quickly kicked away. A shoulder puts Sheamus on the floor and Jack rams the bad leg into the steps. Back in and a Brogue Kick out of nowhere is good for the pin at 6:54. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C. Not a great match again but it did well enough. Sheamus going down into the midcard title scene is a good idea as he’s not big enough to compete for the World Title but he’s too big to beat up jokes anymore. The Intercontinental Title is a great spot in the middle there and he can bring some value to it.

Adam Rose vignette.

Clips from Warrior’s Hall of Fame speech as an advertisement for a four part special on the WWE Network this week.

Damien Sandow is talking but Big Show’s music cuts him off. He rants more anyway and says he won’t be silenced and keeps ranting about how Big Show is only popular because he shakes hands. Everyone should be trying to touch Sandow as he comes to the ring because he deserves it. Show just looks on from the corner until Sandow goes over to him. Big Show doesn’t have anything to say but Sandow says Show knows Sandow is the future of WWE. WMD and we’re done. No match even though there was a referee there.

The Wyatts pop up and Harper is whistling again. They’re next.

Here’s the Family with Bray saying the man wants one thing, but he’s different. The people see a blank canvas but he sees a beautiful painting. He’s been called the seducer, the accuser or the destroyer but know that he’s never once lied to us. John Cena has made a career out of lying to us all though and Bray won’t let that happen anymore. Right now though he wants the monster to come out and play.

Here’s John to do just that but right now he doesn’t need to do anything but have fun. Cena wants to know why so serious. Bray tried to bring the monster out at Wrestlemania but the monster doesn’t exist. Cena looks at the Wyatts and thinks there’s fun waiting inside of them. Harper is the kind of guy that would go streaking through the quad and Rowan must be full of jokes. Wyatt must be the king though because only a real man wears white pants. We need to get them to a happy hour and it’s Roll Tide.

Cena wants to know about the Family though because he’s not sure if Sister Abigail is real or not. He’s found the picture on MySpace and it’s time for pictures of the Wyatts on other bodies. Each guy gets one until Bray cuts him off and says this is typical Cena: a serious threat comes up and he makes jokes.

Cena says Bray knows what happens when he gets serious because it got Bray beaten at Wrestlemania. Wyatt must know that he’s on the defensive now so Cena wants a rematch at Extreme Rules inside a cage. Wyatt loves the idea because one of them is going to get stabbed as they throw knives. Bray sings a bit and I think accepts.

Santino Marella/Emma vs. Fandango/Layla

The guys trade wristlocks to start but the girls come in when Santino loads up the Cobra. Emma gets the Dilemma on Layla but gets slammed off the top for the pin at 1:20.

Stephanie goes off on Kane for messing things up over the last few weeks. He couldn’t stop Shield or Daniel Bryan, so what has happened to Kane? Instead of a monster he’s a screwup so what happened? Kane gets angry and looks at his mask in a case. The case is taken away and Kane holds up the mask.

Bo Dallas is coming.

We see Warrior’s speech from last week.

Adam Rose vignette involving a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Seriously.

Intercontinental Title #1 Contenders Tournament First Round: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett

Barrett pounds Dolph down to start and sends him into the buckle a few times. A snap suplex gets two but he misses a knee drop to give Dolph control again. Barrett tries to get Dolph in the ropes but Ziggler comes back with right hands and a nice dropkick. A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor and Dolph is posted as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler fighting out of a chinlock and sending Barrett’s shoulder into the post. A cross body sets up some right hands to the head followed by even more in the corner. Ziggler gets caught in Wasteland for two but comes back with a quick Fameasser for the same. Dolph misses a charge into the corner but is still able to run the ropes for the X-Factor. The Zig Zag is countered into Winds of Change but a quick Bull Hammer is enough to send Barrett on at 11:33.

Rating: C-. Just a match for the most part here which isn’t the most interesting thing in the world most of the time. Barrett winning is the right move as well as Ziggler doesn’t really need the wins whereas Barrett hasn’t won anything in years. He doesn’t stand a chance against Sheamus but it’s nice while it lasts.

Barrett says the Bad News is he’s winning the Intercontinental Title.

Kane puts the mask on again.

Shield vs. Alberto Del Rio/3MB/Ryback/Curtis Axel/Jack Swagger/Fandango/Bad News Barrett/Titus O’Neil/Alexander Rusev

Slater gets drawn into the ring osnce and Reigns stomps away before it’s off to Rollins for a quick enziguri. The heels start using the numbers advantage though as Rollins gets attacked by almost everyone on the team. Ryback slams Rollins down and follows him the floor, only to have Reigns nail the spear. The brig brawl breaks out and it’s a no contest at 3:15.

Rating: D+. This was barely a match at all but the idea of having everyone out there worked well enough. I’m glad they didn’t have Shield get a win here as there comes a point where it’s too far. The important thing here is the post match stuff of course so we’ll cut this short to get to that.

The beatdown ensues post match until Evolution’s old music hits. Orton, HHH and Batista hit the arena and you can see bad things coming. HHH instructs everyone else to get out of the ring and the real beatdown is on. RKOs, Batista Bombs and Pedigrees take us out as Daniel Bryan is on his honeymoon and won’t be making a save.

Overall Rating: C-. Tonight was about telling stories but the wrestling they used to tell those stories was pretty lame. The tournament is a nice idea but at the end of the day you could skip the whole thing and wait for Extreme Rules for the payoff. Evolution reforming is a good thing as they’ll be used to put others over and thankfully there’s no Flair there to mess with it this time. The show wasn’t horrible but it really didn’t do anything for me.

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Alberto Del Rio – Five Star Frog Splash

Ryback/Curtis Axel b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Meat Hook to Rhodes

Paige b. Alicia Fox – Scorpion Crosslock

Randy Orton/Batista b. Usos via DQ when Shield interfered

Cesaro b. Mark Henry – Neutralizer

Alexander Rusev b. Xavier Woods – Accolade

Sheamus b. Jack Swagger – Brogue Kick

Fandango/Layla b. Santino Marella/Emma – Slam off the top to Emma

Shield vs. Alberto Del Rio/3MB/Ryback/Curtis Axel/Jack Swagger/Fandango/Bad News Barrett/Titus O’Neil/Alexander Rusev went to a no contest

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