Smackdown
Date: March 14, 2014
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The major matches are now set for Wrestlemania and all we have left is to fill in the roster for the battle royal and get the midcard taken care of. Aside from all of the big stuff from Raw, the other top story we might get some more on tonight is Shield having some issues with Kane, which might lead to Kane embracing his hate and dropping the corporate character. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We look back at Occupy Raw.

Here’s HHH sans Stephanie to open things up. He’s greated by a YES chant and HHH says that must feel good. Monday was one of the greatest nights of their lives and it must have been one of Daniel Bryan’s best nights ever as well. That was their moment in the sun though and Daniel Bryan isn’t here tonight. He’ll be dealt with on Raw and everything will be ended at Wrestlemania, but tonight he has to deal with the fans.

The people chant NO which tells HHH that they would have jumped in the ring and participated had they been at Raw. However, they traded in all of their happy tomorrows for the end of the YES Movement. HHH has protected Daniel Bryan over the last few months by keeping him away from the deep end of the roster so the people could have hope.

That’s what the YES Movement represents: hope for the people and all of their miserable lives. The fans chant for Bryan, who HHH says is just like each and every one of the people here: good, but just not good enough to succeed. At Wrestlemania he’ll crush those hopes and dreams because there will be no triple threat and more happily ever after. However let’s get to business tonight, so get out here Damien Sandow. HHH cuts him off before the apology can get started. Sandow gets a match against an opponent picked by Vickie Guerrero.

Damien Sandow vs. Seth Rollins

This is joined in progress after a break with Seth in full control. Sandow gets in a few shots and Rollins heads outside for a second. Back in and Seth does his backflip in the corner into the downward spiral into the middle buckle. A running forearm in the corner sets up a dropkick but Sandow gets outside to avoid the top rope Black Out. Shield distracts him so Seth can hit a suicide dive, followed by the Black Out for the pin at 2:27. The announcers spent the match arguing about this being a conspiracy.

Ambrose sends Sandow into the ring again for the first Triple Bomb in months.

We look back at Hogan announcing the battle royal.

Fandango vs. Big E.

Non-title. Before the match Fandango enters the battle royal. Fandango takes over to start but Big E. fights up and hits the belly to belly. The Warrior Splash connects and Big E. runs Fandango over, takes down the strap and Big Endings his way to a win at 1:37. Total squash.

We take a quick look at Heyman and Undertaker’s segment on Raw.

Bad News Barrett says the Streak will end and children will cry. Therefore, parents won’t get any sleep and fall asleep at a meeting and get fired.

Real Americans vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

We recap the Americans’ problems from Monday with Cesaro crushing Jack’s hand. Goldust and Swagger get things going with Goldust scoring off a shoulder and the uppercut. Off to Cody to crank on the arm but Jack drives him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs. Cody escapes a belly to back suplex and drops to the mat for an uppercut to the face. A springboard dropkick knocks Swagger off the apron and a backdrop puts Cesaro outside but he catches Cody’s plancha in mid air.

Rhodes is gutwrenched onto the floor and we take a break. Back with Cody firing off some right hands and backdropping Swagger to the floor. Cesaro blocks the tag with the Swing (JBL: “He’s swinging him so much his daddy’s polka dots are dizzy!”) but Swagger’s Vader Bomb hits boots.

Cesaro breaks up another tag attempt but the Real Americans argue over a tag. It’s Cesaro staying in with a vertical suplex right in front of Jack. Swagger tags himself in as Zeb is losing his mind. Jack realizes what’s about to happen and knocks Goldust off the apron, only to get caught in a backslide to give Cody the pin at 7:48.

Rating: C-. That loss is all on Swagger and Cesaro shouldn’t get much of the blame. Seriously, how do you lose to a backslide of all things? The lack of a hot tag was a change of pace from the usual formula and it’s kind of nice to see. The pin was a surprise as I’m so used to waiting on the big hot sequence and it was nice to not know what was coming.

The Real Americans destroy Cody post match until the Usos make the save.

We recap Bray vs. Cena from Raw and Wyatt accepting the challenge.

Bray Wyatt vs. Kofi Kingston

Bray’s eyes bug out at the bell and Kofi gets in a right hand, making Wyatt smile. He sits in the corner and shouts at Kingston before grabbing him by the leg and shoving him down. Kofi grabs Bray’s leg and spin kicks Wyatt out to the floor. Back in and Kofi hammers away but Wyatt shoves him down with ease. Kofi comes back with a springboard shot to the head but Bray just throws him over the ropes and out to the floor. A backsplash gets two on Kingston and Bray just runs him over with a clothesline. Sister Abigail is good for the pin at 3:54.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much to see but Bray’s eyes and power stuff looked good. There’s something so off about him that it’s hard not to watch him every time he’s out there. Kofi is a good sacrificial lamb for Bray or anyone for that matter as he’s going to be the same guy no matter what happens to him.

Kane tells Shield to be at ringside for the main event but they say they don’t listen to him. They’ll be out there because it’s best for business.

Nikki Bella vs. Tamina Snuka

AJ sits in on commentary as Tamina takes Nikki down by the hair. Nikki is sent to the floor and holds her knee, prompting some amusing fake concern from the champ. Back in and Nikki gets slammed down but still avoids the Superfly Splash. AJ tries to figure out who the #1 contender is as Tamina kicks Nikki’s head off for two. Tamina gets bored with Nikki and throws Brie into the barricade for fun. It doesn’t pay off though as Nikki hits the Rack for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: D. Divas, regular match, Nikki’s turn for a push. Next.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio is in the battle royal as well, saying it’s the only thing he has left to win. Ziggler quickly knocks Alberto outside before tossing him right back in for the ten elbows. Del Rio avoids a charge in the corner and double stomps him to the mat and we go to a break. Back with Ziggler (Dolph Showoff according to Cole) hammering away in the corner and getting two off a neckbreaker.

Alberto catches a charging Ziggler in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but the low superkick misses, setting up the jumping DDT from Ziggler. Now the low superkick connects for a close two but Ziggler countered the armbreaker. Ziggler ducks the running enziguri in the corner and hits the Fameasser for an even closer two. Dolph goes up but gets crotched and caught in the reverse superplex for two. The armbreaker is countered again but this time into the Zig Zag to give Dolph the pin at 6:03 shown of 9:33.

Rating: B-. This was pretty much just the ending sequence to a main event match after cutting off all the buildup. I could get used to this idea in matches that don’t mean anything such as this. Del Rio and Ziggler are another of those combinations where they’re fought so many times that I just don’t care to see them ever again. This was entertaining though.

Dolph enters the battle royal and says it will be his Wrestlemania moment.

The next inductee into the Hall of Fame is Carlos Colon.

WWE Network tutorial.

It’s Wyatts time. Luke says everything has been forgotten and the lie has become the truth. Bray says he never sleeps but is always dreaming, and lately his dreams have been of John Cena. They’ll be sharing a war in New Orleans but off in the distance there’s a woman’s voice. Bray can’t understand it but the closer he gets the clearer it becomes. The voice is saying she loves him and how proud she is of Bray. Now he sees Cena for what he’ll become. Eventually he’ll be a lonely old man full of regret. Cena shouldn’t worry about a thing because he’ll make it quick. Follow the buzzards.

Kane vs. Big Show

Shield is nowhere in sight. Kane whips Show across the ring but Show does the same to him as Shield comes to ringside. A headbutt drops Kane and a chop sends him to the floor, right in front of the Shield. Back in and Kane avoids a knee drop and gets two off a low dropkick. We hit a leg lock on the bigger monster but Big Show counters out with pure leg strength.

Back up and Kane gets two off a running DDT but Show breaks the chokeslam attempt. Show runs him over with a spear but rolls to the floor to glare at Shield. He goes up but gets chokeslammed off the top for two. Shield gets on the apron and Kane orders them to attack but Shield bails and Kane walks into a bad looking chokeslam (thankfully the camera hid it) for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: D. These guys just are not fun to watch. WWE has this theory that you can put these two against each other and it’s going to be entertaining because they’re both big and strong. They’ve fought several dozen times over the years and I don’t remember any of them being anything better than watchable.

Reigns spears Kane to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There were some decent matches tonight but a lot of them were just quick ones that didn’t really add anything. It was nice to see some stuff actually happen here, such as the battle royal growing and the Hall of Fame announcement, but there still wasn’t much of interest to this show. You have to expect that once Wrestlemania is made though.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater was taped but not aired. That appears to be a thing they’re doing on Smackdown anymore. The spoilers indicate it’s presented as part of the taping and not a dark match. Sheamus won via Brogue Kick in about five minutes.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Damien Sandow – Black Out

Big E. b. Fandango – Big Ending

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans – Backslide to Swagger

Bray Wyatt b. Kofi Kingston – Sister Abigail

Nikki Bella b. Tamina Snuka – Rack

Dolph Ziggler b. Alberto Del Rio – Zig Zag

Big Show b. Kane – Chokeslam

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Smackdown
Date: February 28, 2014
Location: BMO Harris Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

There are no major stops left before we get to Wrestlemania and things are rounding into focus. The only big question at this point is the World Title situation, as Batista vs. Orton seems to be the end game but for the life of me I can’t imagine that actually happening. Batista is scheduled for a big interview tonight which might answer a few questions. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Batista for his big speech. He loves this business but didn’t come back to please the fans. He’s back to be WWE World Heavyweight Champion and the people can deal with it. Batista can destroy anyone put in front of him and he’s the best representative of the WWE, including Hulk Hogan or the Rock. What happened to this business? Where’s the attitude anymore?

The people are chanting the names of 195lbs wannabes but they’ll never be him, so deal with it. He takes his shirt off to show how much he looks like a superstar and promises to destroy all of our heroes on the way to the main event of Wrestlemania. Total heel promo here, which should help with the reactions a bit.

Batista’s music plays but here’s Dolph Ziggler for an interruptions. Dolph says you don’t tell the people who to get behind because they’ll make up their own minds. Batista is a dinosaur and eventually they go extinct. If Batista is looking for the real men, there’s one standing right in front of him that wants a match tonight. Batista says it’s on so Dolph dropkicks his hat off and runs.

Big E./Mark Henry vs. Real Americans

Swagger takes Big E. into the corner to start but walks into an overhead belly to belly. Henry comes in and shoves Jack around before slamming him down with ease. Back to Big E. as this is one sided so far. Swagger gets slammed around a bit more before it’s off to Cesaro who sends Big E. into the buckle to take over. Cesaro actually does his apron suplex to Big E. in an amazing power display, but Swagger makes a blind tag in the process so Cesaro can’t cover.

The Vader Bomb gets two for Jack but Big E. throws Cesaro away with ease and tags Mark back in. Henry powerslams Swagger down but Cesaro breaks up the World’s Strongest Slam with a boot to the face. Big E. and Cesaro fight to the floor and Jack takes out Henry’s leg, setting up the Patriot Lock but Cesaro tags himself in. The Neutralizer is good for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: C-. This was more of an angle than a match which is fine for the most part. Hopefully Cesaro comes out of this as the face as he’s much easier to cheer than Swagger. Thankfully Big E. didn’t take the loss here and didn’t look bad at all. It looks like Cesaro vs. Swagger at Wrestlemania, which is kind of a waste of the new star too.

Del Rio comes in to see Vickie about a rubber match with Batista, but since Batista is busy, Alberto is taking the night off. Oh and he thinks Vickie’s hair is nice. Thankfully Sheamus is standing off camera and comes in to say he’ll take a fight with Del Rio, which Vickie approves.

Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Sheamus shoves Del Rio around to start and sends him outside. Cole: “I’ve got to be honest.” JBL: “Why wouldn’t you be?” Sheamus hits a shoulder off the apron and sends Del Rio into the steps. Back in and Del Rio counters the ten forearms before kicking him off the apron. Cue Christian towards the ring as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio clotheslining Sheamus down and Christian on commentary. Del Rio goes to the corner but gets taken down in an electric chair drop. The Brogue Kick misses and a Backstabber gets two for Alberto. Christian doesn’t believe that Sheamus kicked him by mistake a few weeks back and he won’t forget it. Alberto misses a shot and gets caught by the forearms but comes back with a superkick. The low superkick connects for two but Del Rio misses the enziguri in the corner. Sheamus hooks up the Cloverleaf but Christian comes in for the DQ at 9:10.

Rating: C. Better match than I was expecting here but it’s still an uninteresting pairing because there’s no doubt as to who is going to win EVERY SINGLE MATCH. Christian vs. Sheamus is the same thing, which makes me wonder why it’s so hard to book Sheamus. Have him fight guys that can give him a battle and let him lose once in awhile.

Christian runs off, Del Rio gets kicked in the face and Christian runs back in for a Killswitch to Sheamus.

We look at Bryan challenging HHH on Raw.

We look back at Hogan returning on Monday.

Alexander Rusev comes out and stands on a pedastal for his promo this week.

We look at Shield having problems on Monday with Ambrose cositing Reigns a match. The two of them get in an argument in the back but Rollins plays peacemaker.

Batista vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dolph sends Batisa to the floor to start and the stalling begins. Back in and Batista easily powers Ziggler into the corner and throws him around. Ziggle can sell being overpowered like few others. Batista takes him into the corner for the shoulders but misses a big one and hits the post. Dolph jumps over him and hammers away but has to escape the Batista Bomb. Batista’s knee gets kicked out and a Fameasser gets two but both guys are down. Ziggler gets caught in a pair of spinebusters and there’s a third for good measure. Batista does the thumbs down and it’s the Batista Bomb for the pin at 6:26. Nearly a squash.

Rating: D+. Not a great match but it’s FAR better for Batista than what he’s been doing lately. Dolph is a good meal for Batista and the tweak in his character could help Big Dave a lot. I’m not sure how they’re going to do heel vs. heel unless Orton makes a very surprising turn, but there’s still a door for a third man.

We look at the Wyatts injuring Cena on Monday.

Here are the Wyatts with something to say. Bray talks about everything we do in life being based on lies. Men go to work to buy those sports cars to impress men. Then women put on a mask every morning because the world tells them to. Then we see lies on billboards in the form of a man with a plastic smile. He’s the Superman and tells you everything you need to hear.

Bray sings part of What A Wonderful World before promising to spend the remainder of his days slaying the mighty dragon of John Cena with the sword of his tongue. Follow the Buzzards, but here’s Shield for a staredown. Before anything happens, HHH comes out and makes Shield vs. Wyatts II for Monday. Bray taunts Shield by saying they heard their daddy. Reigns gets in the ring and the staredown is on but Rollins and Ambrose dive on the Family. Bray is left alone against all three of them but calmly walks out.

Video on Cameron from Total Divas.

Divas Title: Cameron vs. AJ Lee

The champion takes Cameron down with ease to start but Cameron screams a lot and gets two off a bulldog. Tamina shoves AJ out of the way of a charge in the corner and gets ejected, allowing Cameron to get two off a cross body. AJ comes right back with some kicks to the chest and the Black Widow is good to retain the title at 2:00.

We look at Brock and Undertaker on Monday.

The expert panel talks about what we just saw.

Kane/New Age Outlaws vs. Daniel Bryan/Usos

Bryan and Gunn get us going with the fans chanting for the Goat Face. It’s quickly off to Jey vs. Kane with the Uso being taken into the corner for a corporate beating. Roadie comes in for some shaky punches but Jey takes him into the good corner for a tag off to his brother. A double elbow sends Road Dogg to the floor and us to a commercial.

Back with Gunn hitting a tilt-a-whirl slam on Jimmy and bringing in Kane for a kick to the chest. The big side slam gets two more and we hit the chinlock. Kane wisely takes out both of Jimmy’s partners and a boot to the face drops Jimmy. It’s back to Road Dogg who walks into a kick to the face to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Bryan who cleans house and hits his signature stuff on Gunn as everything breaks down. The Usos send Dogg and Kane to the floor for nice planchas but Billy hits the Fameasser on Daniel for two. Bryan backflips out of a suplex and it’s the running knee for the pin at 11:38.

Rating: C. This was fine and gets the point across with Bryan getting the pin over one of Bryan’s buddies. The interesting question is what Bryan does at Wrestlemania though as a match vs. HHH makes sense but there’s going to be a near riot if he’s not in the world title match. There’s time to switch things around but I’m not sure where they go.

Overall Rating: C+. We’re firmly in that period where it’s all about hyping up Wrestlemania and there’s nothing wrong with that. I like the look of the card more and more every week as the title match looks to be more in flux. Vince waited sixteen years to let a heel walk out of Wrestlemania with the title so I can’t imagine he’ll go heel vs. heel for the belt without a big face being added to things.

That being said, who can they add? Bryan vs. HHH looks to be set in wet cement, so they can either make a last second change to that or throw in a returning Punk. Bryan makes the most sense but Punk in the title match would calm some fans down. The fact that it’s hard to tell at this point makes this an even more exciting time and it’s going to be a fun month heading to New Orleans.

Results

Real Americans b. Big E./Mark Henry – Neutralizer to Henry

Sheamus b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Christian interfered

Batista b. Dolph Ziggler – Batista Bomb

AJ Lee b. Cameron – Black Widow

Daniel Bryan/Usos b. Kane/New Age Outlaws – Running knee to Gunn

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Today we go with someone bigger than most of the tag teams I’ve talked about: The Big Show.

Big Show is perhaps the only member of a select group of wrestlers to win a world title in his debut match. His in ring debut was at Halloween Havoc 1995, but that wasn’t his first action of the night. Before the wrestling match that night, the Giant and his opponent for later in the night, Hulk Hogan, had a battle of monster trucks on the roof of Detroit’s Cobo Hall. This is important for the match later in the night.

We go to the roof and a few things to note. First of all, Hogan stands about 7’8 apparently as he TOWERS over those “six foot tall” tires. Second, the rules are you have to get both sets of axels out of the ring, which is 100ft in diameter. Ok, fair enough. Third, we’re going to weld the trucks together. Pay no attention to the fact that they were welded together earlier (this was taped the night before but that isn’t mentioned).

Also for no apparent reason, in this ring we have two charges that will go off if you run over them. Yes, allegedly, on the roof of a building, there are BOMBS that will go off if a truck runs over them. The idiocy here is off the charts. Let’s get this over with.

First of all, we waste a few minutes welding the trucks together. Allegedly these trucks run on alcohol. So wait. There are BOMBS, as in EXPLODING FIRE, near alcohol based fuel? And this company made money??? Again, someone was PAID to make this up. That’s sad.

Oh and they have co-pilots so they’re only driving one set of axels. Hogan gets put halfway out but makes the save. Hogan’s truck has a flag kind of thing that is supposed to be the bandana I guess. One of the bombs goes off and my head hurts. Ah I think I know why Tony left: he has integrity. And Hogan wins of course. Somehow, the idiocy is just beginning.

Giant gets out of his truck and goes after Hogan, and the champ goes back towards the edge of the building. They fight some more up on the ledge and Hogan accidentally knocks Giant OFF THE ROOF. Yes, this was on a major Pay Per View broadcast by a major wrestling company. Hogan’s acting here makes Mr. Nanny look like De Niro. The monster truck dude has to sit here and not break up laughing. That’s just awesome.

And now, the wrestling match.

WCW World Title: The Giant vs. Hulk Hogan

They introduce Giant first but Hogan comes out instead, all in black and sans facial hair. Wow that’s odd to see. Was Hart being Hogan’s BFF ever explained? Giant of course walks out with no explanation at all. In what might be the funniest thing that I have EVER seen in wrestling, the camera shoots back to Hogan just in time for him to turn to the camera and blankly stare while his mouth hangs open in awe.

I laughed out loud for a LONG time. I mean the timing was better than you could have planned if you tried forever. This was hilarious stuff to say the least. Heenan sounds orgasmic over this. His hatred of Hogan stayed forever if nothing else. Hogan has black horns painted on his head. Uh….deep?

He can’t slam him though. Oh and Giant is allegedly Andre’s son. Heenan: Eat Hogan like you would eat villagers! Ok then. Giant hooks a test of strength once Hogan is on his knees already. You know that might be more effective if your muscles were flexing or if you had ANY torque on them.

Heenan says he’s never seen Hogan wrestle in anything other than yellow and red. Odd that he’s seemingly managed against him in blue or white tights but what do I know? Giant is destroying him here. Hogan makes a comeback to some SOLID face pops and knocks Giant to the floor. Taskmaster tries to get Giant to leave but Hogan, like an idiot, stops him. Giant gets a SWEET backbreaker. Hogan was WAY in the air for that and it looked awesome.

Heenan points out how stupid Giant is for not going for Hogan’s bad neck. Give the guy a break Bobby. I mean he just fell off the frekaing roof! The bear hug goes on and Tony cracks me up by making it sound like it’s perfectly normal to come back after falling off a roof. Even in kayfabe this is ridiculous. With the paint knocked off Hogan’s head it looks like there’s a Triforce on it. And back to the bear hug. He powers out but walks into the chokeslam. He powers out of that too.

He Hulks Up and the usual puts Giant down, but the referee goes down too. The fans say Jimmy did it. Just to add to the stupidity of this match, when Hogan is yelling at Hart, you can see Giant stick his head up three separate times to see what’s going on. Even playing devil’s advocate and saying he’s playing possum, you don’t have a 7’ monster playing peek-a-boo!

Anyway, Jimmy hits Hogan with the belt but Giant saves him. And it’s bear hug time again. Luger and Savage come out. Luger of course turns heel and….here it comes. This is the thing I didn’t want to talk about all night. On the previous Nitro, the Master had said he had a surprise. At the end of the show, a random block of ice blew up and a mummy came out of it. Yes, I said a mummy.

They called him a Yeti, but he’s a large man wrapped in bandages and tape. What the heck would you call him? With Giant having him in a bear hug, Yeti comes up behind Hogan and more or less dry humps him without actually hurting him at all. It’s Reese from the Flock if you care who is under there.

Luger puts Hogan in the rack to something resembling a pop. They dry hump Savage and rack him too. Giant wins by DQ because he was Hogan’s manager when he hit the referee. They announce that the title can’t change hands on DQ.

OR CAN IT?

Yeah in this match, Hart slipped a clause in, stating that the title CAN change hands on a DQ, so the Giant is the champion. They would strip him of the title in like two weeks and put it up in the inaugural World War Three Battle Royal, which is complete nonsense as Hogan lost the title via a stipulation in a contract he signed without reading. That’s not Giant’s fault but whatever. Hogan and Savage are helped out to end the show. Heenan crying from happiness is funny.

Rating: D. This was a Hogan match with a big angle to end it and nothing more. Giant wasn’t capable of doing much here as he was just a 23 year old kid that had like 5 matches under his belt but he was 7’0 tall, athletic beyond belief and could talk. I’d push him hard like that too.

Anyway, this wasn’t that good but it was Hogan fighting a monster which was what he was best at so I can’t fault them there. A bit long with FAR too many bear hugs but to be fair Giant had no experience and no real style set yet. He would get a lot better. Yeah this was his WCW debut. I’d say this was fine given the circumstances then.

The title would be held up due to the controversial ending but Giant would be back very soon and get a title shot against Ric Flair on Nitro on April 29, 1996.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. The Giant

Flair hits on Debra again which would eventually set up a tag match at the Great American Bash where Mongo joined the Horsemen. Giant shoves him around to start as the camera pans up at him. Flair charges at him and literally bounces off of him with a shoulder block. We hit the floor and Flair runs. Flair gets a jumping thumb to the eye but Giant shrugs a chop off.

There’s your standard slam off the top for Flair and Giant gets a suplex for no cover. Giant tries a chokeslam but Flair holds onto the ropes and gets a low blow. Foreign object to the head of Giant and he’s out….not cold as the Figure Four goes on and it means nothing. Giant grabs him by the throat, pulls him to his feet, breaks the hold in the process and a chokeslam gives Giant his first non-shenanigan world title. For you trivia people out there, yes, Jimmy Hart did manage a legit world champion.

Rating: C-. Can’t really give this a fair grade as it was more or less a squash but they were trying at least. Giant looked great which is the best thing they could have done. Never let it be said that Flair doesn’t put people over. Giant getting the title was fine and they would protect him for months, which is the right idea indeed. Fine for a squash, bad match otherwise.

 

Giant would hold the title for the summer before losing it to Hollywood Hogan in August. He would join and leave the NWO over the fall and winter before teaming up with Lex Luger for a shot at the Tag Team Titles at SuperBrawl 1997.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. The Giant

Ok so there’s a backstory here. Giant and Luger are partners but Luger has a broken hand/arm and couldn’t get a doctor’s clearance in time so Giant has to go this alone. Syxx is with the champs. Hall starts off here with the idea being to tick Giant off. Hall hammers away which seems to just be getting him in trouble. One armed slam by Giant and it’s off to Nash. This was the teased match for an entire year which didn’t happen until the following January because Nash didn’t want to job to Giant.

Giant gets a dropkick to send Nash to the floor and manhandles him with ease, including ramming him into the post. Elbow gets two back in the ring. Nash gets in a shot with the Cruiserweight Title and Hall adds what was supposed to be a bulldog but Hall manages to wind up behind Giant, making it more like a Zig Zag.

Basically this is 3-1 and that’s about what was expected. Nash misses the running pelvis to the head with Giant on the middle rope in a 619 position. That move REALLY needs a name. Off to Hall again who hammers away in the corner. Giant fights them off as Syxx comes in and slips the belt to Hall who drops Giant with it. Nash manages to powerbomb Giant in a cool spot as somehow we haven’t had a DQ yet.

Here’s Luger with a cast on to clean house. He Racks Nash who hurt his back on the powerbomb. That rings a bell for a submission somehow but wait, Nash wasn’t legal. Therefore Giant (illegal) chokeslams Hall, the legal man, and pins him for the definitive pin. Naturally this was overturned the next night on Nitro for literally no reason other than “that wasn’t legal” but it was a stupid moment so I can forgive it.

Rating: D+. Match was junk for the most part but that powerbomb was indeed awesome. Nash vs. Giant would FINALLY get blown off 11 months later because WCW saw no problem with Nash screwing over a PPV audience at Starrcade. Anyway, this was more stupid stuff that meant nothing if you were paying attention but it’s WCW so there you go.

The war against the NWO would continue over the summer with nothing of note happening. One of the few matches of interest during this was against Randy Savage at Road Wild 1997.

The Giant vs. Randy Savage

Nothing special to the match, but it’s the third biggest match in company history at worst. That would include being ahead of Luger winning the title on Monday I guess. Savage is NWO and Giant is one of WCW’s main soldiers against him. Savage stalls like the true Memphis man that he is. He gets in and tries to slam Giant which fails of course. Giant works him over with his usual power stuff until Savage heads to the floor.

That goes badly for him as well with Giant picking up the human shield known as Liz and moving her to the other side. Back in Savage takes out the knee and gets Giant down. He wraps the knee around the post and stomps on the knee some more. Double ax gets two but the second attempt is countered into a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash but that’s ok for the most part. Giant would move on to feuding with Nash soon after this in one of the stupidest and most pathetic displays I can remember in a long time. Anyway, the match was short enough to keep from getting boring which is more than I can say for the rest of the show.

Giant would get caught up in the shuffle of the NWO civil war and rejoin the NWO again in 1998 to continue a long running feud with Kevin Nash. In the fall he would have a meaningless match with the monster Meng on September 14’s Nitro which is incredibly entertaining.

Giant vs. Meng

Meng slaps Giant back into the corner and kicks at the legs before they get into a brawl with neither guy going anywhere. Meng staggers Giant with a kick right to the face so the strap comes down. Giant hits him again and Meng is all FOREIGN SHOUTING. A headbutt has no effect on Meng and neither does a right hand to the head. Another kick to the face staggers Giant and Meng loads up the Death Grip, but Giant uses his reach advantage to grab the chokeslam as Meng can’t get to his throat. REALLY fun match for two minutes.

Other than a decent match against Diamond Dallas Page at the horrible Starrcade 1998, Giant was off to the WWF under his more famous name of Big Show. His first major match was at Wrestlemania XV against Mankind in a match to determine the guest referee for the main event.

Big Show vs. Mankind

The winner gets to referee the title match tonight. Big Show already cost Mankind the world title on Raw a few weeks ago and Mankind is banged up coming into this. Mankind pounds away to start but is easily sent out to the floor by the power of the giant. Mankind is all cool with a brawl though and he sends Big Show head first into the steps. A DDT is broken up by Show though and the guy in a mask tastes the steps as well.

Back in and Show chops him down before hitting a Russian legsweep for no cover. Mankind gets in a shot and loads up the Claw, only to be sent flying for a second. The Claw goes on but Show headbutts him down with ease. Back to the Claw and a low blow is enough to keep the hold on for a bit.

Despite being in a former world champion’s hold for about a minute straight, Show gets Mankind on his back and crashes down onto Foley to break the hold. Foley’s ribs are messed up bad now and Show stomps away even more. They head to the floor and Show hits him in the ribs with a chair….and that’s not a DQ. Show throws two chairs into the ring and sets them up. He chokeslams Mankind through both chairs and THAT is enough for the DQ.

Rating: D. Yeah this sucked. This would fall into the category of matches that were overbooked to overbook another match. If that doesn’t sum up the Russo Era in a nutshell, I’m not sure what does. The match sucked on top of all that, as it was a very slow power brawl. Foley would take awhile to get back into form but at this point he was just kind of going through the motions.

After forming an on again/off again tag team with Undertaker and winning a few tag titles, it was time for Big Show to turn face again in the fall. At Survivor Series 1999, Steve Austin was run over by a car and replaced in the main event by our big lovable monster.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. ???

The third man is…..shockingly not Test but rather the Big Show. I mentioned Test over and over again tonight because every sign on the planet pointed to him being the guy but they went with Show instead. That’s not to say this is a horrible idea or that it doesn’t make sense because there were no clues or anything beforehand, but it was certainly a surprising pick.

Rock and HHH attack Show to start but to no avail. Show shoulder blocks them down but Rock breaks up a chokeslam on the Game. HHH is defending if that’s not clear. Rock and HHH team up to clothesline Show to the floor but Rock is quickly pulled to the floor. All three guys wind up on the floor with HHH getting dropped on the barricade. Back in and Show misses a splash in the corner and gets caught in a Russian legsweep for no cover.

The People’s Elbow gets one on Show as HHH saves. This is one fall to a finish in case you were wondering. HHH chokes Rock in the corner but Show gets back up and side slams Rock for two. Show kicks HHH to the floor and knocks the Game up the aisle. The fans don’t seem to be sure what to think of Show in this spot but they’re not bored. Rock charges up the aisle to clothesline Show down before going after HHH again.

HHH gets knocked through a production table and Rock is in control. Scratch that theory as Show comes in and beats the tar out of HHH, only to have Rock hit Show with a fire extinguisher. Rock and HHH start heading back to the ring but HHH suplexes him in the aisle. Show is back because the guy can’t be kept down. Show drops HHH on the announce table but Rock drills Show in the head with the bell. Rock and HHH hit a double suplex on Show through the table for the WHOA spot of the match.

Rock and HHH head into the crowd to brawl as this has been a wild fight for the majority of the match so far. Back to the ring and the referee gets clotheslined down by Rock by mistake. The Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered, the latter being countered into a catapult into the buckle. There’s the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee. Shane runs out in a referee’s shirt to count two.

Another Rock Bottom hits but Show pulls Shane out of the ring. Rock goes after Show on the floor which goes about as well as you would expect. Actually scratch that as you might expect Rock to beat Show up. Show puts him on the table and goes back into the ring to knock HHH down before going back to beat on Rock some more. Rock gets thrown into the steps and HHH has the belt, only for Shane to take it away. HHH Pedigrees Shane and they’re all back inside again. Here’s DX to go after Big Show and Rock but here’s Vince as well. He knocks HHH out with the belt and a chokeslam makes Show champion.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work that well for me at all. Show has no connection to the feud at all which hurts things a bit, but at the end of the day there was no real flow to the match at all. Show winning is a good pick as it gives some closure to the week for him where his dad died and all that, but his title reign wouldn’t work all that well due to him mainly feuding with Big Boss Man. Still though, decent moment but a bad match.

The title reign would only last for a few months before turning heel (notice a patter here?) for Wrestlemania and his only main event there before Kurt Angle yelled at him for not taking things seriously enough. This led to a hilarious moment at Backlash 2000.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

Angle runs down Marian Berry, who is mayor of Washington DC. He’s also a former crackhead. The lack of integrity is what’s wrong with America. That means we need a Real American…..and that’s what we get. Here’s Big Show doing the absolute best Hulk Hogan imitation you’ll EVER see. He’s got a Showster t-shirt with the rips in the back, yellow boots, a bald skull cap with blonde hair down the sides, he does the hand to the ear, rips the shirt and throws it, and does the swinging arms warmup that Hulk did. And then, he talks.

Doing an even better Hogan imitation, he talks about being to the top of the mountain and says dude and brother more times than should be humanly allowed. Angle jumps him but Show HULKS UP almost immediately. Right hand doesn’t work (JR: “The old no sell!”) so Show punches him three times and hits the big boot. LEG DROP gets two and a bigger reaction than anything else so far, which is saying a lot as the fans were going nuts the entire time so far.

Angle goes for the leg and the fans chant for Hogan. Show (who has his goatee dyed too) rips off the cap and hair and destroys Angle in the corner. Chokeslam ends this quick. It’s too short to rate but as a match it was worthless. From an entertainment perspective, this is one of the best and funniest moments you’ll ever see. Check this out as it’s well worth it if you’re a Hogan fan.

Soon after this it was determined that Big Show was WAY overweight and needed to get in shape, so he was sent to OVW and spent the remainder of the year there. One of his biggest feuds was against a muscle headed rookie named Leviathan, who is more famous as Batista. Their first match was at one of OVW’s biggest shows of the year with Leviathan scoring a huge upset. This is the rematch from OVW TV in November.

Big Show vs. Leviathan

The brawl is on while Big Show’s music is still playing with Big Show sending him into the corner for an overhead chop but Leviathan shoves him off. Show comes back with a nice powerbomb but Leviathan LAUNCHES him into the air on the kickout and right onto the referee. A bunch of guys come out to brawl and Big Show kisses Leviathan’s manager Synn. Mark Henry comes in with a chair to Show’s back and the referee rolls over for the pin. More of a historical curiosity than anything else.

Big Show was back on the main roster in early 2001 and would enter the hardcore division for awhile. Like almost everything else that year, it would be swallowed up by the Alliance. After helping get rid of WCW and ECW, Big Show would turn heel to help Ric Flair before joining the short lived NWO. After the group split, Big Show was sent to Smackdown and got a world title shot against Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series 2002.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.

The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman throws in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this old dude? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?

As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.

The title reign would only last a month before Kurt Angle slayed the giant to take the title. It was soon back to the old stomping grounds of feuding with Undertaker for a few months before back to even older stomping grounds of fighting a small man, in this case Rey Mysterio at Backlash 2003.

Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show

 

Apparently Mysterio embarrassed Show recently. A fan things Big Show loves Cher. Is that an insult? Rey gets Show to chase him which frustrates the giant. Things go exactly as you would expect: Rey fires off some offense, Show uses power, Rey speeds things up again. Backbreaker puts Rey down and Show takes over. Rey gets sent to the floor and gets in a chair shot and seated senton for two. A pair of 619s take Show down and a third staggers Show but he jumps into the chokeslam for the pin.

 

Rating: D. I can’t stand these matches. The one perk here is that Show didn’t look like an idiot for the most part. At the end of the day, without making the giants look stupid in these matches, there’s no real conceivable way to have a competent giant lose these matches. Rey’s offense would have no effect here and for the most part it didn’t. The ending helped it but the rest of it was junk.

Big Show would win the US Title later in the year and never defend it before losing the title to a young phenom named John Cena at Wrestlemania XX. He would miss about five months in the middle of 2004 before coming back to win a feud with Kurt Angle. Next up was another world title chase, culminating in a barbed wire steel cage match against champion John Bradshaw Layfield at No Way Out 2005.

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Big Show

Basic stuff to start as JBL takes Show down with a flying tackle. He goes up but is afraid of the barbed wire. He tries a cross body and guess how well that goes for him. They’re staying away from the wire so far and it’s just a basic match for the most part here. Show is busted open after eating some cage. Bradshaw in full control here.

He rips the tag rope off the corner and chokes away with it. Show hits something like a superkick to put JBL down. Does Cole have Show’s measurements tattooed on the inside of his eyelids? He can snap those things off like they’re nothing. Powerbomb by Show and JBL is in trouble. The fans chant RVD who was hurt at the time.

Cole says the cage is a carnivore. Why do steel structures always have to have lives of their own in this company? Show gets a slingshot (Cole says monkey flip) into the cage. Here’s Jordan to climb the cage. The Bashams cut through part of the cage but Teddy comes out, saying to leave. Jordan manages to slip some bolt cutters to JBL who pops Show with them and adds the Clothesline From JBL for two.

For some reason there’s more or less no reaction for the kickout from the world champion’s finisher. Chokeslam hits for two as well which gets kind of a reaction but nothing huge. Another chokeslam is blocked though as JBL kicks the little Shows and adds a boot to the face. The door is closed and locked and isn’t eligible for escaping.

Bradshaw climbs up and uses the bolt cutters to cut through some of the wire. Show gets up and knocks them out of his hand. JBL is slammed into the cage a few times as the wire has more or less meant jack so far in this match. Show grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him through the ring, prompting a pretty weak holy crap chant.

Show finds a safe spot and climbs down but he’s not sure what to do. Some things never change I guess. Instead Show pulls on the chain and lock which he rips apart with his bare hands. Well why mess with what works? He opens the door and climbs to the floor as JBL is declared the winner and still champion. While Show was wasting all kinds of time, JBL climbed through the hole in the ring and hit the floor first to retain. I love that ending because JBL followed the rules perfectly and Show’s reliance on power cost him.

Rating: D+. I REALLY wasn’t impressed here. If this was a regular cage match then it’s ok I guess but the barbed wire was just stupid. It did a total of nothing other than acting as a deterrent I guess, which a regular cage would have done just as fine or a cage with a top on it. This was a waste of time for the most part and didn’t work that well at all. Weak main event.

The rest of the year was spent in a bunch of worthless feuds until Big Show teamed up with Kane (again) to win the Tag Titles (again) before feuding with Kane (again). Big Show would eventually be drafted to the revived ECW and win its title on July 4, 2006. His first defense was against Ric Flair the following week.

ECW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Big Show

Extreme Rules again. Show throws him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Flair pounding away in the corner. Joey calls this historic. Not exactly the word I’d use but whatever. Show press slams him and Flair is busted open from something. Knowing him it was a stiff breeze. Flair tries chopping him but gets knocked down by one from Show. They head to the floor for another slugout, won by Show.

To keep up the tradition, Flair chops and punches but Show chops him down with one or two shots. Show measures him but Flair hits him low. Keeping with the tradition theme, Flair hits him low a second and third time. Make it four and Show is in trouble. Flair finds a barbed wire ball bat from somewhere and hits Show in the head with it before digging it into Show’s face.

Trashcan shot to the head staggers Show as does a chair to the chest and back. Show goes down but it only gets two. Flair busts out some tacks and knocks Show into them with about five chair shots to the head. That just ticks him off though so he pulls Flair into the chokeslam and a cobra clutch backbreaker. He keeps the clutch on for the knockout win. Show throws Flair into the tacks post match.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I was expecting to. Flair is still a master of making you believe that it could happen, which is what he did here. Also, notice that he puts Show over by making it look like Show shrugged off all that offense and won with ease. That’s hot you make someone look good, which Flair made a career out of.

Big Show would defend the title for the rest of the year before losing it in the Extreme Elimination Chamber in December. He would leave the company for a year before coming back to face boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. at Wrestlemania. After a summer of nothing special, he would turn heel (after turning face earlier in the year) by joining Vickie Guerrero and facing Undertaker at No Mercy 2008.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

JR talks about how Undertaker is like a Sasquatch that has wrapped his arms around us and how Big Show is Cyclopean. He has two eyes. WHAT IS WRONG WITH JIM ROSS??? Sasquatch and Cyclopean? With smoke still in the ring Taker goes right at him but gets hit in the ribs to slow him down. Taker gets knocked to the floor but lands on his feet. They slug it out on the apron and Taker Stuns him on the top rope.

Out to the floor and Show pounds away on the ribs. Show throws him into the barricade and Taker throws him into the post. This is a total war so far. Now Undertaker’s right hands are malignant. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Legdrop on the apron and they head inside. Taker gets a boot up in the corner but Big Show clotheslines him down. Show slams him down and drops an elbow for two.

Show tries a Vader Bomb elbow but Taker moves to send Show crashing. They slug it out again with Taker punching him into the corner and working over the ribs. Show misses two WMDs so Taker clotheslines him down and drops a leg for two. Taker tries Old School but jumps into a chokeslam for two. WMD (it wasn’t called that back then but you get the idea) misses and they both try chokeslams.

Show wins the battle but Taker pulls him down into a DDT for two. Taker punches him down in the corner but stops to chase the referee, allowing Big Show to expose the buckle. A shot into that and the big punch, a second big punch (this one is pretentious according to JR) and a third one (this one a rabbit punch) makes the referee stop the match.

Rating: B. This was ten minutes long and they beat the tar out of each other the whole time. It’s probably the best Show vs. Undertaker match I’ve ever seen which is quite a selection as I’m sure you know. Good match here and while it didn’t quite get any better after this, it’s a great match from these two which is shocking for me.

He feuded with Cena for about the 58^th time and chased the title for about the 983^rd time before filling in for an injured Edge in a World Tag Team Title match with Chris Jericho at Night of Champions 2009.

UnifiedTagTitles: Legacyvs. ChrisJericho/???

So Edge snapped his ankle and has no partner, meaning anyone that’s paid attention for the past few months knows who this is going to be. We get the video of Edge’s injury saying he’ll come back and take care of Jericho. That’s going to be an awesome feud. And it’s the Big Show. No one got this and the rumor was they picked him seconds before with the video being shown to buy them some more time.

There are cool banners with pictures of the belts hanging from them. It looks sweet. Rhodes and Show start us off. Show just beats the heck out of both guys as you would expect. You could bet on Jerishow retaining here even from the perspective of watching it live. In a nice move, Legacy hits a tandem chop block and clothesline. Not bad at all. Rhodes whispers something into the ear of Jericho but he does it just subtly enough that unless you knew to look for it you wouldn’t notice it. Well done.

Rhodes busts out a nice moonsault to Jericho. He’s underrated in the ring as his offense keeps changing up. The problem with this match becomes apparent quickly: Jericho and Show are the default faces even though they’re supposed to be the heels. We hit insanity mode and Show puts down both guys and after a Codebreaker, the Colossal Clutch ends it.

Rating: C+. It was fine. That’s the only thing I can think of to say for this one. It was designed to be a pure squash for the new champions to get them over and that’s exactly what it did. Rather boring match but it served its purpose very well.

Jericho and Big Show would hold the titles for the better part of five months before losing them to DX at TLC 2009. He would hook up with Miz to win the titles back about two months later and hold them for another two and a half months. After a world title chase went nowhere, it was off to a feud with CM Punk’s Straight Edge Society at Summerslam 2010.

Big Show vs. Straight Edge Society

Three on one handicap match. Punk has already grown his hair to a bit shorter than it is in 2013. We continue the awesome that is CM Punk as he wears a shirt saying “I Broke Big Show’s Hand”, which is a reference to Greg Valentine’s “I Broke Wahoo’s Leg” shirt from about thirty years ago. Show takes off his cast to reveal that the hand is fully healed and to freak Punk out a bit.

Mercury charges right into a chop and Gallows gets the same. The Society has to tag in and out here so Punk calls a conference on the apron. Gallows and Mercury jump Big Show and apparently tagging isn’t required here. Show easily throws away the lackeys and palms Mercury by the head, throwing him over the top and onto Gallows. Punk is the only one left now and a few shots to the back easily put him down. Show misses a chop and hits the steps, giving the Society an opening to go after the hand.

The Society pounds away with really basic stuff as we’re just waiting on the comeback. Punk charges into a back elbow and Show cleans house for a bit until Punk hits a high kick to slow him down. Some running knees in the corner stagger the giant before a double DDT from Punk and Mercury gets two. Punk goes nuts on the hand but Show picks him up on his shoulders. After dropping Punk over the top, the lackeys are destroyed again and Show chokeslams Mercury onto Gallows for a double pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here as Big Show never once felt like he was in any kind of danger at all. That was the problem with this whole feud: Show treated Punk like an annoyance rather than an opponent. This would lead up to the destruction of Punk in a one on one match next month because Big Show needed that push right?

Most of 2011 was a waste of time for Big Show as he teamed up with his on again/off again heterosexual life mate Kane to fight a Nexus knockoff called the Corre. That went nowhere (shocking) so Big Show tried to stop Mark Henry’s Hall of Pain, resulting in a broken leg. Big Show returned a few months later and eventually challenged Henry for the World Heavyweight Championship at TLC 2011.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It’s a chairs match, meaning they’re legal. Show’s singlet is now camo. Show immediately goes to the floor and throws in like ten chairs. Him just casually tossing them about ten feet in the air is scary impressive. They both have chairs now but Henry drops his and gets out. He grabs the title and says this isn’t happening. Show goes after him and ducks a title shot so he can wear Henry out with chair shots.

They start slugging it out and Henry cracks him with a chair. Henry goes after the hand so that Show can’t use his two finishers. Show tries to come back but his hand is worthless. Henry makes a pile of chairs but the Slam is broken up. He goes for a chair shot but Show fires off the big punch. AND IT GETS THE PIN AT 5:35????? REALLY?????

Rating: C. Call me crazy but I liked it. There’s something cool about two guys just going off on each other with chair shots. This worked pretty well for what it was and keeping it short was the right idea. The important thing is coming though so I’m cutting this short.

The important thing would be Daniel Bryan cashing in his Money in the Bank contract. After losing the title, Big Show got this idea that he needed a Wrestlemania moment, despite being in the main event of Wrestlemania 2000. This led to an Intercontinental Title match against Cody Rhodes at Wrestlemania 28.

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show

Cody is defending and the idea here is that Big Show has never had a good Wrestlemania moment. You know, because winning a meaningless midcard title in 2012 is more important than main eventing the show in possibly the biggest and best year the company has ever had. During the entrance we get some “highlights” from Show’s career. Naturally the pin in the 8 man tag last year is never mentioned at all.

Cody runs to the floor to start but Show easily throws him back into the ring. There’s a beal across the ring and a hard chop in the corner, followed by a Stink Face for good measure. Cody comes back with some dropkicks to the knee and pounds away as much as he can. Rhodes pounds on Show’s back a bit and is LAUNCHED off on the kickout. The champion works on the knee a bit with a standing leg lock and a DDT to take it down. After some stomps to Show’s head, he shoves Cody away with ease but gets caught by the Disaster Kick. A second is countered with a spear though and the WMD makes Show the champion.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting here? At the end of the day, Cody has nothing that was going to keep Show down and with all the building up of the match about Show’s past embarrassments, there was only one way this could end. That and it’s only about five minutes so it didn’t have enough time to suck or anything. Not great but it was exactly what it was expect to be.

We’ll wrap things up with what might be Big Show’s last good match to date, from Hell in a Cell 2012.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Sheamus

Sheamus is defending. Show throws him around to start and Sheamus tries to brawl with him. That results in the champion being knocked down into the corner and Show is in command. Ziggler is watching with the case in the back. Sheamus knocks Show to the floor and as the challenger gets back in, Sheamus fires away with all he’s got. It does a bit of damage but Show shrugs it off and knocks Sheamus to the floor again.

We head to the floor with Show throwing Sheamus into the barricade. Back in and Show keeps pounding on Sheamus very slowly. He steps on Sheamus’ head and knocks the champ to the floor before sending him over the announce table. This has been almost all Show so far and Sheamus is looking like a ragdoll. Back in and Show hits the Eye of the Hurricane for two. I think he used to call that the Final Cut. Sheamus tries to fight back with some punches to the ribs but Show throws him over the top to the floor.

As Sheamus comes back in, he hits the slingshot shoulder but charges right into a superkick for two. Show knocks him down again with Sheamus only being able to get in some punches before charging into a bearhug. Show gets on his knee instead of picking Sheamus up, allowing Sheamus to hit some forearms. A slam doesn’t work at all and the Vader Bomb Elbow gets two for Show. He calls for the chokeslam but Sheamus counters into a DDT but the kickout sends Sheamus out to the floor.

Sheamus tries the ten forearms in the corner but Show shoves him off. The chokeslam hits but it only gets two. Show is getting ticked off now but he can’t hook the Colossal Clutch. Sheamus avoids an elbow and tries the Cloverleaf of all things but Show kicks him off. They head to the floor and Sheamus drives Show into the post a few times. Back in and Sheamus goes after the knee before hitting some ax handles to take Show down.

Sheamus hits White Noise and does it with EASE. That looked better than a lot of the AA’s Cena hits on Show. That only gets two and Sheamus charges into the WMD…..for two. Show tries another punch but Sheamus kicks Show’s head off…..FOR TWO. This is getting AWESOME. Sheamus gets WAY fires up but the Brogue Kick charges into the WMD for the pin and the title at 21:37.

Rating: B+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a heavyweight slugfest with Sheamus pounding away with everything he had but it just wasn’t enough. I would initially say that Show winning the title was a bad thing but the way they were going with the feud it was probably the best idea. This was a great match though and WAY better than I was expecting. The kickouts were great and the match worked really well. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but match of the night so far.

After losing the title to Alberto Del Rio in January, Show would go on to feud with the Shield and then get into a story with HHH and the Authority/Randy Orton which would be some of the stupidest stuff I’ve seen in years.

Big Show is a guy that had a ton of talent but has become VERY repetitive over the years. I can’t count how many times he’s become the big evil monster then turned back into the fun loving giant and gotten a small guy or a giant as a tag partner before starting the whole thing over again. At the end of the day, he’s turned so many times over the years that it’s hard to care about almost anything he does. Stick him in matches like the one with Sheamus where he can have someone fight him down in a big brawl and let it be entertaining for awhile and that’s it. Back in 1996 the guy was slim and insanely athletic but then he just relied on his size and nothing else.

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Raw was another mixed bag last night but things are looking interesting going into Elimination Chamber. There isn’t as much to talk about this week though.

 

We’ll start with the old white elephant in the room. Betty White was the guest star last night and was fine. She’s one of those celebrities that it’s hard to not like on some level. Her segments totaled about seven minutes total and while they weren’t funny, she didn’t hurt anything and was charming so I can’t complain too much. The Outlaws bit was rather dumb but that’s comedy in the WWE for you. Oh and Big Show gets mauled by Brock two weeks ago and comes out just fine? Really?

 

The Authority did their usual schtick by making Orton look like a hopeless joke which we just have to live with anymore. HHH and Stephanie aren’t getting shown up anytime soon because they’re just so darn likeable and amazing so Orton gets to be the scapegoat. Nothing much to this segment, but can we please stop with the cutting off promos ten seconds in? This has become a thing recently and happened with Orton and Kane last night. It’s kind of annoying, though at the same time it’s less Authority related talking I have to listen to so I’m split on this one.

 

There were two more long and well done tag matches with a six man and four man version. While both were entertaining, I’m getting a bit tired of them. There are so many stories going on right now and since Smackdown is absolutely worthless anymore, everything gets crammed into Raw in a bunch of tag matches. They’re entertaining, but I kind of roll my eyes when I hear one announced.

 

After the Wyatt six man we had a promo from Bray Wyatt, calling the Shield toy soldiers in a war they can’t win. Bray said after the war the Family would be moving on to another plan, which has to mean Cena. I’m excited either way as the Wyatts have nailed their gimmick so well it’s unreal.

 

Miz interrupted Santino vs. Fandango and ranted about not being able to get into a match while the two of them wrestled. As soon as he left, Cole asked what Miz’s problem was. Lines like that are what make me want to watch the show with the sound muted.

 

I liked Sheamus’ promo about walking into a bar with Christian. It was simple, to the point, and tied back into the Chamber. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Cesaro looked great in the tag match last night and needs to get away from Swagger immediately. That being said, it’s Swagger who looks to be turning face soon, even though the fans are behind Cesaro. Obviously Colter can’t be turned face, which is what makes me think it’s coming.

 

Ziggler is supposed to be in line for a push so they job him clean in 90 seconds. Gotta love WWE logic.

 

Batista beat up Del Rio and their match was announced for Elimination Chamber. I gave Batista the benefit of the doubt at the Rumble and still don’t mind him winning, but the spark is just not there at all. Batista looks in great shape and will probably be fine in the ring, but if he’s the one in the main event of Wrestlemania winning the title, the crowd is going to die a slow and painful death.

 

Lita is going into the Hall of Fame. The low cut tops she wore when she was with Edge alone are more than enough justification for me. Also, Trish has to induct her right?

 

It looks like we’re getting Usos vs. Outlaws soon which hopefully gives us the long overdue Usos title reign.

 

Ambrose’s open challenge was what it should have been. Henry wasn’t much of a challenger but at least it was a title defense that wasn’t wasted. One other thing though: what else was Henry going to do if there wasn’t an open challenge? His return was advertised all night and last week, so were we getting a basket weaving lesson unless Ambrose issued the challenge? Also Dean’s reaction with the bugged out eyes and forced smile when Henry’s music hit had me in stitches. The guy’s facial expressions are some of the best in wrestling today.

 

That brings us to the coolest part of last night’s show: the Wyatts came out after Ambrose’s match to stare down the Shield. The place went NUTS when it looked like the fight was on but Bray and company backed down. They need to let that match be an all out war instead of a tag match but it’s going to be awesome either way.

 

The Divas match last night was horrible. I beg of you WWE: put Finlay in charge of them again. The wrestling was horrid and they’re getting back into the horrible habit of the girls being models instead of wrestlers.

 

Kane vs. Bryan is coming and odds are it’ll be on a big Raw before Wrestlemania. No complaints from me.

 

The main event was of course Cena vs. Orton again, which isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. The matches are still good but I don’t get excited about them at all. It’s been done so many times now and the premise doesn’t work. Cena is so long since established as the top star and Orton just doesn’t work as the huge rival anymore.

 

That being said, there were some very good things about the match. First of all, I love how Orton learns during his matches. If you watch his work against guys he’s fought before, Orton will start countering/avoiding signature spots. He did it on Friday by countering the sunset flip out of the corner and last night he avoided the Cena shoulder blocks. It’s a very simple thing but it shows thinking in the ring, which is a lost art.

 

Speaking of lost arts, Orton put on a clinic in working a crowd like an old school heel last night. He stalled, he played to the crowd, and he had the people wanting Cena to kill him. If you want the fans to pay attention to you, pay attention to them. It’s how Cena has saved a ton of crowds from getting away from them and it’s how almost every top star ever has gotten where they are. Look back at Rock, Austin, Cena, Sting and Bryan now: they all play directly to the crowd and ask them to react to things. Fans love nothing more than being a part of the show and it works the same for heels. Good stuff in that area.

 

A few more notes about the show:

 

Can we get Cena checked for short term memory loss? A few weeks ago Orton attacked his dad and never mentioned it. Then the Wyatts cost him the title at the Rumble and he hasn’t talked about that either. I know it’s coming, but at least mention it again.

 

All of the champions in action lost last night. On top of that, the Outlaws were in a comedy segment that appealed to five year olds. I’m so glad we got the titles off of Goldust and Cody so the tag champions could be used in comedy sketches.

 

Has Big E. Langston fallen into a hole and no one has been around to hear him scream for help? The guy has disappeared since the Rumble.

 

Speaking of disappearing, does anyone remember Brock Lesnar demanding to be #1 contender? It looked like he was going to fight the Authority about it and then just disappeared. Good thing too, as it almost looked like the Authority might have to face some adversity and that’s not Best for Business.

 

Rumor has it that Shelton Benjamin worked a dark match against Tyson Kidd last night.  However, he and Kidd say this isn’t true so chalk another one up for internet reporters.

 

Steve Austin and RVD were backstage last night with Austin there to talk to Zeb Colter about being on the podcast. From what I’ve heard, there are no plans to bring RVD back to TV soon.

 

Overall Raw was entertaining, but there was nothing that needed to be seen. It did a good enough job building up the Chamber show, but it didn’t do much for me.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 10, 2014
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We have an announced main event tonight with Orton continuing to run the Authority gauntlet, meaning tonight it’s Orton vs. Cena. Again. Other than that we’re getting closer to Shield vs. Wyatts at the PPV which has been a well built feud. That Reigns face turn is coming and it’s going to be huge when he spears Ambrose in half. To top it off, we get BETTY WHITE tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory graphic for Frank Bullock, a production worker who died over the weekend.

Thankfully we’re getting Betty White out of the way first as Big Show returns from the horrible beating at Royal Rumble like it was no big deal to escort her to the stage. She talks about how great it is to be here but the Authority cuts them off. Stephanie hugs White and that’s all for Betty and Big Show for now.

HHH talks about Orton losing last week, which means it’s time to reconsider who is the face of the WWE. It might be any of the six men inside the Elimination Chamber but Orton interrupts the boss. Stephanie: “Are you seriously doing this again?” That line writes about a dozen jokes on its own. She advises Randy to go to the back to get ready for his main event tonight but Orton thinks he owes the two of them an apology.

Orton says he needs to bring the Viper back for the rest of his reign, but Stephanie isn’t sure if she can believe him. A Daniel Bryan chant starts up as Orton talks about the Authority making a promise to him at Summerslam. Orton wants to be the face of the WWE outside of the ring, including being on every piece of advertising and merchandise that WWE produces because he’s the best in the company.

This brings out Daniel Bryan who is almost immediately cut off by Stephanie. She says everyone who wants to speak to them will need to make an appointment with the Director of Operations, but that’s why Bryan came out here. It seems that Kane is nowhere to be seen unless he’s doing the Authority’s bidding, including last week when he tried to help Orton win. Not that it mattered though, as Bryan pinned Randy last week. Tonight, Bryan doesn’t want an appointment with Kane, but he does want a match.

Stephanie says Kane is on administrative leave for a week and a VERY serious letter of performance approval on his file. Bryan says the Authority is a great combination of arrogance and stupidity but that sets Orton off. Daniel brings up a moment from not too long ago (about five years actually) when Orton handcuffed HHH to the ropes and kissed an unconscious Stephanie. HHH says hold off on the Punt because Bryan is getting the night off. The fans chant no but that’s the segment.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio vs. Wyatt Family

Cody pops Rowan in the jaw to start and dropkicks him into the good corner for a tag off to Goldust. A quick tag brings in Harper who charges into a boot in the corner, setting up a middle rope hurricanrana from Goldie. Cody adds a missile dropkick to send Luke outside, followed by a sliding Rey splash as we take a break.

Back with Rowan cranking on Goldust’s neck and forearming him in the jaw to stop a comeback attempt. Harper comes in with a hard slam for two but Cody comes in for the save. Off to Bray for his aggressive offense and a hard elbow to drop Goldust. Rowan gets two off a knee drop but walks into a middle rope elbow to the jaw to put both guys down. Goldust low bridges him to the floor but Harper comes in and knocks the partners off the apron. Luke walks into a powerslam though and the hot tag brings in Mysterio.

Rey sends Harper into the post and hits a top rope seated senton followed by a tornado DDT for two. Bray makes the save but caught in the 619 position. Harper joins him but Rey only hits Luke as Bray rams Mysterio face first into the apron. Cody and Goldust dive off the steps to take out some Wyatts, leaving Rey alone with Luke in the ring. Rey loads another 619 but Bray charges in and hits a running Sister Abigail for the pin at 10:25.

Rating: C+. Is anyone else getting tired of these six man tags? Shield and the Wyatts have been doing these matches for a year now and while they’re still entertaining, it’s becoming a “we’ve seen this” feeling. The ending sequence with the chaos is always fun but I’m starting to roll my eyes when I hear about a six man tag later in the show.

Post match Bray calls the Shield toy soldiers in a war that isn’t for them. After the war is over, it’s time for the Wyatt’s new day to begin.

Video on Reigns breaking Kane’s Royal Rumble record.

Renee Young asks Reigns about the Shield so he calls her baby girl and says actions speak louder than words. Ambrose and Reigns agree but Renee asks Ambrose about never defending the US Title. Apparently it takes a lot of paperwork to get a title match set up but Reigns doesn’t buy it. Dean puts out an open challenge for the title tonight and walks away, leaving Reigns smiling.

The Divas talk to Betty White when Vickie Guerrero comes in. We’re promised clips of Betty’s show about practical jokes but the New Age Outlaws come up to offer her protection from any pranks later tonight. They escort Betty off to get a cup of tea and the Divas aren’t sure what’s going on.

We look back at Cena vs. Orton at Breaking Point in 2009 with Orton basically filming a torture movie with Cena as the victim.

Santino Marella vs. Fandango

Santino has Emma with him. Fandango quickly takes him down with some headbutts as the fans chant for JBL. Miz comes out to commentary again and says how ridiculous it is for a Hollywood movie star like him to not be in a match while Twinkletoes and a guy whose act is older than Betty White can get in the ring. Cole: “What’s his problem?” Sanitno’s comeback goes nowhere as the headbutt hits knees, setting up the guillotine legdrop to give Fandango the pin at 2:23.

Byron Saxton (NXT commentator and former wrestler) asks Sheamus about teaming with Christian against the Real Americans later tonight. Sheamus talks about always respecting Christian, which makes the teaming a bit easier. Maybe they can even have a pint after the show. That would mean an Irishman and a Canadian walk into a bar on Hollywood Boulevard, but that sounds like the start of a bad joke. The Elimination Chamber isn’t a joke, because it’s the chance to go to Wrestlemania. Sheamus will kick anyone in the face to headline the biggest show of the year.

Sheamus/Christian vs. Real Americans

Before the match we get a quick promo from Christian who thinks he might make a good face of the WWE. He doesn’t have poster boy good looks, though is mom thinks he does. What he does have is a pair of World Heavyweight Titles, but he should make it three at Elimination Chamber. Colter does his usual schtick before the match and thinks Christian and Sheamus snuck across the border after their injuries.

Zeb says Cesaro starts and Swagger isn’t happy with it. A loud WE THE PEOPLE chant starts with Cesaro slamming Christian around before bringing in Swagger. Jack misses a charge in the corner and gets caught by a middle rope dropkick for two. Off to Sheamus who knocks Jack from corner to corner before it’s Cesaro back in with rights and lefts in the corner.

Sheamus comes back with a neckbreaker for two but Cesaro fires off a series of European uppercuts to the delight of the crowd. Sheamus is all BRING IT ON and the fans aren’t pleased as his comeback. A top rope shoulder gets two for the Irishman but a Swagger distraction lets Antonio kick Sheamus to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cesaro taking the Irish Curse for two before it’s back to Christian for a sunset flip, good for two of his own.

The middle rope elbow to the jaw puts Cesaro down but he fights out of the Killswitch. Christian charges into Swiss Death for two and it’s back to Swagger for a front facelock. Swagger breaks up a hot tag attempt and we get the Vader Bomb into the running double stomp for two. Cesaro loads up the Swing to a great reaction and Christian has to get back inside after a nine count. Swagger comes in with a powerslam for two of his own before tagging back to Cesaro, only to have Christian avoid a charge in the corner.

Jack is sent to the floor as well and it’s a double tag to Sheamus vs. Swagger. There are the ten forearms to get the fans back on Sheamus’ side and he loads up the Brogue Kick. Cesaro makes ANOTHER save before the kick is launched and Swagger puts Sheamus in the Patriot Lock. Christian comes in with a high cross body before taking Cesaro out with a DDT, setting up the Brogue Kick for the pin on Jack at 14:30.

Rating: C+. Nice match here again with Cesaro looking like a killer for the most part. The best sign for Sheamus was that the fans didn’t dislike him but that they liked Cesaro more. As soon as it was Sheamus vs. Swagger the fans were right back on Sheamus’ side, proving that he’s still a fan favorite. Cesaro needs to get away from Swagger like six months ago.

Cena says he and Orton have dominated WWE for ten years but now the fans are choosing new superstars like Daniel Bryan. The match tonight is about the future, as Cena closes his rivalry with Randy Orton once and for all. Why do they even bother with lines like that anymore? If the Wyatts, Shield, Cesaro or Bryan think they can be the future, know that they’ll have to go through Cena to get there.

Quick highlight reel of Batista Bombs.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto fires off some quick kicks to start but Ziggler takes him down and hits the ten elbow drops. Ziggler gets two off the Fameasser but Del Rio kicks him in the knee and hits the low superkick for the pin at 1:30.

Del Rio goes after Dolph but Batista makes the save and spears Alberto down. He loads up the announce table and powerbombs Del Rio through it to shut him up for a change.

The Bellas tell us how to get the WWE Network.

HHH tells Batista he can’t do the kind of things he just did. A match between Del Rio and Batista is made for Elimination Chamber.

The newest Hall of Fame class is Lita. Nothing wrong with that.

Betty White has tea with the Outlaws but isn’t sure she should trust them. Dogg spikes the tea while Betty admires a tag title but stops to ask for lemons. She switches teacups with Billy while the Outlaws get lemons for her. Comedy will ensue later I’m sure.

Usos vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

The Outlaws are out for commentary. Jey hammers away on Axel to start as Cole talks about the Outlaws fighting the Usos’ dads. Billy has a stomach ache and I think we’ve got some COMEDY coming up. Ryback comes in again to work on Jey in the corner as Billy’s ailments continue. Back to Axel as Dogg won’t agree to defend against the Usos. Ryback comes in to stomp away as the Goldberg chants begin.

Jimmy comes off the middle rope with a cross body and makes the tag to Jey as house is cleaned. A superkick puts Axel down as the Billy shenanigans continue. Jimmy dives over the top to take out Ryback while tagging at the same time. Jey comes in off the top with the Superfly Splash (while pointing at the Outlaws in midair) for the pin on Axel at 4:00.

Rating: D+. That ending sequence was awesome and I’m glad we’re getting to the Usos getting back in the title hunt. It’s WAY overdue for them to win the titles and a title change at Wrestlemania would be perfect. The Outlaws continue to be a waste of time as champions but if they lose before Wrestlemania it’ll be ok enough.

Billy leaves quickly with stomach issues.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. ???

This is Dean’s first defense since October and it’s Mark Henry accepting the challenge. So what was he going to do if there wasn’t an open challenge? The look on Dean’s face is GREAT as his eyes bug out with a terrified smile at the same time. We get big match intros and Ambrose is terrified from the opening bell. Henry shoves him down with ease despite having a heavily bandaged elbow.

Ambrose bails to the floor before getting in some kicks to the elbow. Henry kicks him square in the jaw to stop the champion’s control and sends him into the buckle a few times. Dean goes shoulder first into the post but he takes the brace off Henry’s bad elbow. Mark casually hiptosses him to the outside and we take a break.

Back with Dean still in control and putting on a Fujiwara armbar, only to have Henry fight up and slam Dean off the top. A powerslam crushes Ambrose and Henry counters the bulldog driver into the World’s Strongest Slam, only to have Rollins come in for the title saving disqualification at 8:00.

Rating: D. I’m glad Henry didn’t win as the title changing needs to be a bigger deal than an open challenge getting it off Ambrose. I’m glad it wasn’t Reigns either as the Shield has a big enough story going with the Wyatts to split even further at the moment. Boring match for the most part though and that’s not good.

Reigns spears Henry down post match but the Wyatts’ intro cuts them off. The Family comes to the ring for the face to face staredown and Shield comes back over the barricade. The Wyatts step forward as well as they’re all around the ring. The fans like what they see as Shield gets on the apron. Shield gets in the ring but the Wyatts back off with Bray smiling the whole way.

We look back at Orton attacking Cena’s dad a few weeks ago.

Black History Month video on Bobo Brazil.

Aksana/Alicia Fox/AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins/Cameron

Nikkia hits a quick facebuster on AJ to start and sends her to the floor before it’s off to Aksana. Nikki does the Worm for no apparent reason and kicks Aksana in the back for two. Brie comes in and is slammed down for two and it’s off to Alicia for another slam out of the corner for two more. A rollup gets two for Brie and Alicia runs her over to set up a chinlock. Nikki is sent to the floor as Cameron gets the hot tag and cleans house. Cameron takes Alicia down with a headscissors and gets two off a dropkick to the side of the head. A DDT, apparently called Girl Bye is enough to pin Fox at 4:43.

Rating: D-. Next. That’s all I’ve got here.

Be A Star rally at a middle school earlier today means we get MORE STEPHANIE!

We recap the opening segment.

Here’s Kane who accepts the punishment set down by the Authority and admits that it was ill advised to act on his own. Bryan cuts him off before this can go too far and the fight is on. Kane uppercuts Bryan down but gets low bridged to the floor. Bryan hits the FLYING GOAT and dropkicks Kane into the crowd.

Betty White thanks the fans for welcoming her and introduces us to the main event. Nothing wrong with that.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

This DEFINES THE FUTURE, whatever that means. Feeling out process to start with Cena sending Orton outside off an armdrag. Back in and John grabs a headlock and gets a quick one off a hiptoss, sending Orton bailing to the floor again. Orton hits the ring again and pounds on Cena with right hands followed by a back elbow to the jaw. They head back outside with Cena being rammed face first into the announce table and dropped back first onto the barricade.

Back from a break with Orton stomping away but getting slammed down. Cena starts his comeback but Orton ducks the second shoulder as everyone knows it’s coming. That’s one thing I’ve always liked about Orton: he’s one of the few guys that learns from earlier matches. Back in and Cena tries an AA but gets caught with a DDT for two. Orton listens to the crowd a bit too long and it’s Cena hitting his finishing sequence but Randy counters the AA into a backbreaker for two.

Cena still can’t hit the AA and gets caught in a powerslam for two more. John blocks a superplex attempt but gets caught in the Elevated DDT out of the corner. There’s no cover though as Orton yells at the crowd and laughs evily. The RKO is countered into the STF but Randy is quickly in the ropes.

A dropkick from the champion puts Cena down again and Randy gets serious by POINTING TO THE SIGN. Orton misses the Punt but escapes the AA for the fourth time tonight before the RKO gets two. The required AA gets the required near fall but Orton fights out of the middle rope AA. Cena hits the top rope Fameasser and grabs a quick AA for the pin at 20:53.

Rating: C+. Now NEVER LET THEM FIGHT AGAIN. That’s what’s so annoying about this never ending series: the matches are usually good like this one was, but I just do not want to see them fight anymore. Any kind of spark this match used to have is gone as Cena has easily won the rivalry over the years and there’s just nothing special to it anymore.

Overall Rating: C-. This felt like Smackdown on a Monday night. Nothing here felt like I needed to see it and none of the stories felt like they went anywhere. Batista vs. Del Rio for the PPV was a given, the Shield and Wyatts didn’t really do anything new, Ambrose defended the title in a meaningless match, and I think I’ve seen that main event somewhere before. It wasn’t a bad show or anything but this episode could easily have been skipped with nothing changing in a fan’s eyes. It’s ok to have one of those around this time, as long as it doesn’t become the norm.

Results

Wyatt Family b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Rey Mysterio – Sister Abigail to Mysterio

Fandango b. Santino Marella – Guillotine legdrop

Sheamus/Christian b. Real Americans – Brogue Kick to Swagger

Alberto Del Rio b. Dolph Ziggler – Superkick

Usos b. Ryback/Curtis Axel – Superfly Splash to Axel

Mark Henry b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Seth Rollins interfered

Bella Twins/Cameron b. AJ Lee/Aksana/Alicia Fox – Girl Bye to Fox

John Cena b. Randy Orton – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Smackdown
Date: February 7, 2014
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

So the main story this week is Randy Orton running the Elimination Chamber gauntlet as he has to jump through another Authority hoop to be the face of the WWE, whatever that means anymore. His opponent tonight is Christian which should be fun given their past encounters. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence, which we don’t get that often anymore.

Here’s Daniel Bryan to get things going. On Monday, the Authority said that he would be the face of the WWE if he could beat Randy Orton, but that’s not what Bryan wants to be. He wants to just be himself, but it doesn’t matter because the Authority showed their true colors by sending down Kane to chokeslam him after the match. We get a clip of the end of the match with Bryan fighting off Kane and hitting the running knee on Orton for the pin, only to be beaten down after the match.

Bryan says that he’s put up with Kane doing his corporate thing since he joined the Authority but he can’t do that anymore. He wants Kane to come out here right now and explain himself, so here’s the Devil’s Favorite Libertarian In A Suit From Mens’ Warehouse. Side note: Kane’s current look reminds me of Bull Shannon from Night Court. Kane stops on the stage but Bryan says he can’t hear him so Kane should come to the ring.

Kane stays where he is and gives a scripted apology but Bryan cuts him off again. He reminds Kane of the HELL NO days and I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS and hugging it out. That Kane was his friend and Bryan wants him back. Get rid of the suit and tie, go put on your mask and become the monster again. Kane says they do have history, but that’s all it is. He’s turned in the undisclosed location for a corner office and is glad the HELL NO days are over.

They used to be friends and the old saying in wrestling is you can make friends or you can make money, and Kane is doing well for himself right now. Bryan says he’s doing well too, but that’s because he has an arena full of friends right here. If Kane and Bryan aren’t friends, why doesn’t Kane come down here right now so they can settle this like people who aren’t friends? Kane declines but gives Bryan a match with Antonio Cesaro.

The announcers explain the Elimination Chamber.

Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston

It’s Reigns/Ambrose here with the home state boy Rollins on commentary. Ambrose grabs a headlock on Kofi to start as the fans chant for Rollins. Kofi trips him up and hits a quick splash for two before it’s off to Ziggler for no reaction at all. Dolph ducks a clothesline and punches Ambrose down before dropping the ten elbows. He speeds the spot up by not getting to his feet after each elbow and dropping them from only a foot or so, which is a smart change.

Reigns comes in and runs Ziggler down to take over before it’s quickly back to Ambrose. Kofi gets the tag as well to speed things up again but Dean trips him up, setting up a SWEET running dropkick from Reigns where he starts on the floor and lands on the apron. That’s the best I’ve ever seen that move look and it takes us to a break.

Back with Dean getting two on Kofi off a butterfly suplex and cranking on a reverse chinlock. Dean tries it again from the middle rope but Kofi knocks him down and hits a high cross body to get a breather. A spinning kick to Ambrose’s head is enough to make the tag to Dolph but Reigns is in as well.

Dolph starts cleaning house with dropkicks and neckbreakers but walks into something resembling Cena’s spinning slam. Roman loads up the spear but Dean gets caught trying to tag himself in. The distraction lets Ziggler get two off a jumping DDT as Ambrose takes out Kofi on the floor. Ziggler can’t hook the Zig Zag and it’s the Superman Punch and spear to knock Ziggler into next week. Reigns tags in Ambrose and lets him get the pin at 9:58.

Rating: C+. This was more about storytelling but it’s getting more and more obvious that Reigns is getting the huge push soon. They’ve even got signature spots set up for him, each one more high impact than the previous. He’s a fun guy to watch and that can help a lot when you’ve got a rocket strapped on your back.

Post match the Wyatts show up on screen with Bray talking about how the Shield is bickering like children. They believe Bray is a joke and a facade. The hat comes off and Bray gets serious. If you could see the evil behind his eyes, you would know what kind of a monster he really is. Harper says those that will not follow them will be the first to burn. Follow the buzzards.

Sheamus vs. Ryback

We open with a discussion on Sheamus possibly wearing steel toed boots. Sheamus runs Ryback over with a shoulder block but a Curtis Axel distraction lets Ryback get in some cheap shots. The rolling fireman’s carry puts Ryback down and Curtis gets a Brogue Kick. Sheamus gets back on the apron and tries the ten forearms but Ryback pulls him inside to break it up. I don’t remember anyone ever countering that move.

Ryback hits a splash for two and we hit the chinlock for a bit. Sheamus fights up and gets caught in the over the shoulder Stunner followed by Ryback going up top (?!?) but missing a splash. Sheamus comes back with right hands and gets all fired up with a powerslam. The Brogue Kick is countered into a powerbomb for two and Sheamus is in trouble. That trouble is short lived though as he counters the Meat Hook with the Brogue Kick for the pin at 5:43.

Rating: C+. How sad is it that Ryback is a jobber to the stars less than a year after he was #30 in the Rumble? This match could have easily been on Wrestlemania last year and now it’s a surprisingly good match on Smackdown. Ryback looked better than he has in months out there, because he was wrestling the same style that had him main eventing PPVs in 2012 rather than the whining that wastes his natural skills.

This week’s sitdown interview with HHH talks about Orton running the gauntlet to make him better. Also on Monday: Orton vs. Cena.

Legends House promo.

Alberto Del Rio is in the back and we take a look at the brawl with Batista from Monday. Del Rio wants a piece of the Animal. The less talking in this feud, the better it is for everyone involved including the fans.

Daniel Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro

Daniel grabs a front facelock to start but Antonio drives him into the corner for some chops. Bryan comes back with knees and kicks to the chest but walks into a European uppercut for two. Bryan bridges up to block a pin and Cesaro can’t break it even by jumping on top of Bryan’s body. Cesaro spends too much time shouting WE THE PEOPLE and gets caught in a short arm scissors but Cesaro easily lifts him into the air and drops Bryan down for the break.

Antonio pounds away in the corner and hooks a chinlock but Bryan comes back with the running clothesline. A top rope hurricanrana gets two on Antonio and there are some YES Kicks but Cesaro counters the last one into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two as we take a break. Back with Bryan in a chinlock before a bit boot sends him flying across the ring.

Cesaro misses a charge and falls to the floor but Bryan’s knee off the apron hits Swagger instead of Antonio. Back in and Daniel’s missile dropkick is countered by an uppercut but he grabs the rope to avoid the Swing. Cesaro loads up the Neutralizer but Bryan counters into a YES Lock attempt. That’s countered as well but Bryan comes out of the corner with a headscissors to drive Cesaro into the mat for the YES Lock (think the original Sin Cara’s La Mistica) and the submission at 10:39.

Rating: B-. Good stuff here with both guys countering everything thrown at them. The ending was awesome as well with Bryan not being able to get Cesaro into the YES Lock by muscle so he used a quick stunning move to get it on instead. I love thinking during a match like that and these two are great at it.

Kane comes out post match and the distraction lets Cesaro hit a Neutralizer on Bryan. A chokeslam leaves Bryan laying as well.

Randy Orton says one loss to Bryan doesn’t make up for the losses Bryan has suffered to him. He’ll win in the Chamber and confirm that he’s the best in the world.

Ernie Ladd Black History Month video.

Alexander Rusev and Lana are coming.

Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee

Nikki picks AJ up in a choke to start before hitting a nice slam. AJ throws on a sleeper to put Nikki down before kicking her down into the mat. Nikki comes back with a facebuster and a bad looking backdrop before the seconds get in a fight on the apron. Tamina is knocked to the floor and Nikki throws AJ into Brie by mistake, setting up the Black Widow to give AJ the submission win at 2:40.

We look back at Titus O’Neil turning on Darren Young last week to split up the Prime Time Players.

Titus interviews Renee Young (yes that’s right) but Titus won’t let her talk, saying he could have won a lot more titles on his own while the Players were a team. Young has nice hair but Titus looks better, smells better and has a great smile. He sends Renee running along when Darren Young jumps him from behind and beats O’Neil up, shouting that he isn’t dead weight. Nice beatdown segment, but at the end of the day he’s just Darren Young and there aren’t many ways around that.

Goldust vs. Bray Wyatt

An inset interview from the Rhodes Brothers says they’re desperate and will be taking more risks to get back where they belong. Goldust tries the deep breath and gets kicked in the face. Bray leans upside down in the corner and Goldust doesn’t know what to think. All Bray to start as he runs Goldust over and hits some uppercuts from the floor.

We hit a nerve hold on Goldie but he fights up and nails a back elbow off the middle rope to get a breather. A middle rope hurricanrana sends Bray to the mat again and Goldust follows up with a spinebuster. Wyatt bails to the floor and Goldust hits a running flip dive to take him down. The Family goes after Cody as Bray gets angry. He takes Goldust’s head off with a clothesline and Sister Abigail is good for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: C+. Another good match here with Goldust continues his comeback tour while Bray is just a freaky dude when he turns it on. They’ve kept him looking strong since he debuted and the character has worked far better as a result. Why WWE insists on never letting people be kept strong is beyond me when the results can be this strong.

Shield pops up on screen post match and says yeah, they’ll full of pride because they’ve earned the right to be. Rollins says they’re not afraid and he’ll be scraping their beards off his boot. Reigns says they could have been WWE Champion and it’s time for justice. Believe in the Shield. Bray shouts that he’ll believe in the Shield when their eyes are battered shut.

Randy Orton vs. Christian

Non-title. Christian hits a quick shoulder block to start but Orton comes back with knees and fists to the head. Orton runs into a back elbow and gets backdropped to the floor, followed by a top rope cross body as we take a break. Back with Christian trying to crotch Orton against the post but Randy pulls his legs forward to send the Canadian into the steel instead.

Christian is dropped back first onto the barricade for two back inside. A few stomps have Christian in trouble and Orton whips him across the corner a few times. We get a pose with a shot of the Wrestlemania sign but Christian comes back with a right hand of his own. Orton dropkicks him down again and hooks a chinlock as the fans think Randy sucks. Christian belly to back suplexes him down and they slug it out with Christian getting the better of it.

The Canadian rains down right hands in the corner but Randy comes back with a running clothesline. Christian clotheslines him right back and hits a top rope cross body for two. A top rope back elbow to the jaw looks to set up the Killswitch but Orton snaps off the powerslam for another two count. Christian is sent shoulder first into the post but he’s still able to counter the Elevated DDT. He can’t hit the frog splash though and the second attempt at the DDT connects. The RKO and Killswitch are countered but Christian’s sunset flip out of the corner is caught in the RKO for the pin at 11:53.

Rating: B. These two always have chemistry together and I’ve yet to see them have a bad match. The ending, while done before, still looks good as Orton can time that RKO out of the air almost perfectly. Christian doesn’t have a chance inside the Chamber but he’s a great hand and can make you believe he could pull it out.

Overall Rating: B. I’m not sure what has Smackdown on this roll as of late but I’m not complaining at all. It’s either Wrestlemania or the upcoming TV deals but the show has been great for most of this year. There were two big matches, good build towards the six man and Sheamus vs. Ryback in a good match. What more can you ask for on a supplemental show?

Results

Shield b. Kofi Kingston/Dolph Ziggler – Ambrose pinned Ziggler after a spear from Reigns

AJ Lee b. Nikki Bella – Black Widow

Daniel Bryan b. Antonio Cesaro – YES Lock

Sheamus b. Ryback – Brogue Kick

Bray Wyatt b. Goldust – Sister Abigail

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Today we’ve got a tag team for wrestler of the day. Actually scratch that. We have THE tag team for wrestler of the day: the Road Warriors.

And no, not Heidenreich. It’s just Animal and Hawk.

The team got its start as part of a large stable called the Legion of Doom but soon became a stand alone tag team with the same name. Their first stomping grounds were in Georgia Championship Wrestling which is where they were based when this first match took place, though this is during a visit to Mid-South. Based on the commentary, this comes from some point between July 24, 1983 and October 12, 1983.

Legion of Doom vs. Rick Rood/Art Crews

I think you know the first jobber, but the second is a territory guy who was the winner of Shawn Michaels’ first ever match. The Warriors charge the jobbers to start but Rick actually cranks away on the arm to take over early on. The jobbers take over on the arms until Hawk just DESTROYS Crews with hard forearms to the back. Animal comes in for a double clothesline that sends Art to the floor before a powerslam is enough to pin Crews. Not as squashy as I expected but the idea was clear.

The Road Warriors went north to the AWA and quickly won the Tag Titles there. Their squashes were awesome enough that they became faces through pure crowd reaction and they didn’t look back for years. Here’s one of their title defenses from SuperClash on April 20, 1985.

AWA Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Road Warriors

The Warriors are defending. This is Hayes/Gordy and they have their faces painted with the Confederate Flag. The champs clear the ring before the bell and are mad over because this is in Chicago. Hawk and Gordy start as Hayes walks around the field with people yelling at him. Hawk pounds on Terry so Terry heads off to bring in Hayes. Off to Animal as the Birds stall. Ok it’s Animal vs. Gordy.

 

The squashing continues with the Warriors taking their shots at Gordy. Michael comes back in again and gets pounded so much he crawls back to Gordy for a tag. Terry is like uh….not right now. Gordy finally wakes up and goes after the eyes before dodging a charging Hawk to send his shoulder into the post. Hayes comes back in and hits a side suplex for two. Piledriver by Gordy mostly works but Hawk doesn’t feel like selling that much.

 

Hayes goes up but Hawk slams him off the top but manages to tag before Hawk can. That’s kind of impressive. Gordy and Hawk collide but there’s the hot one to Animal. Hayes stays on the apron as Animal destroys Gordy, getting two off a powerslam. Everything breaks down and even Roberts and Ellering come in. Ellering gets dropped with a chair and Gordy accidentally pops Hayes. Powerslam to Hayes by Animal and a shoulder to Gordy looks to finish but Hayes comes off the middle rope with something around his hand to knock Animal out for the pin and the titles! The place is stunned.

 

Rating: D+. This one didn’t quite work either. The whole match was a mess and the ending was hard to follow due to everything going all nuts. The Warriors were still in the period where they would do nothing but run people over, which ran for about the next six or eight years. Bad match for the most part, but you know what’s coming.

Not that it matters though as Verne Gagne comes out and says hold on a minute. He reverses the decision and the Warriors get the titles back.

Soon after this it was off to the big time with the NWA where they entered and made it to the finals of the first ever Jim Crockett Senior Memorial Tag Team Tournament. Here’s that final match against Magnum T.A./Ronnie Garvin.

Crockett Cup Finals: Road Warriors vs. Magnum TA/Ronnie Garvin

 

All faces here. The winners also get a million dollars. Animal and Magnum get things going. We get some surprisingly quick stuff until Magnum takes over with a dropkick. Animal takes him down with a top wristlock and they trade arm work on the mat. Off to Hawk who puts on a chinlock….and they clip this match too. ARE YOU SERIOUS???? The whole show is about one freaking tournament and you give us a total of ONE MATCH THAT ISN’T CLIPPED??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

 

A middle rope splash misses and Garvin gets a small package for two. Off to Magnum who doesn’t have as much luck with Animal who stomps away on the US Champion. Off to Animal again and it’s chinlock time. Powerslam gets two as Magnum is in trouble. Magnum grabs the belly to belly for two as Hawk saves. Hot tag to Garvin and down he goes almost immediately.

 

Garvin tries an abdominal stretch on Hawk but punches Hawk instead. The problem with this is he punches Hawk so hard that he breaks his hand. I’m not sure if this is kayfabe or real but it doesn’t really matter either way as Animal hits a pretty weak clothesline on Garvin and gets a quick pin for the tournament win and the million bucks.

 

Rating: D+. Apparently Garvin’s hand was broken coming in. Imagine that: Ronnie Garvin does something stupid like HIT A GUY IN THE HEAD WHILE HE HAS A BROKEN HAND. Garvin’s team deserves to lose after that. This match was pretty boring and the ending didn’t help things at all. Nothing to see here other than the end of a long and boring show.

There’s another match that has to be mentioned just due to how famous it is around the time. It’s from Starrcade 1986 and it’s a scaffold match.

Midnight Express vs. Road Warriors

 

This is the scaffold match, meaning there’s a scaffold about fifteen feet above the ring and you have to knock your opponents off to win. The Express is Bobby Eaton and Dennis Condrey and they have Cornette and Bubba with them. On the other hand we have Hawk and Animal, the Road Warriors. These two were BEASTS who were basically indestructable and insanely popular.

 

Condrey thinks about going up to face the Warriors but climbs back down because he’s not that crazy. Cornette, who is legitimately terrified of heights, goes on a rant about how this isn’t civilized. Dennis and Bobby finally get up top and the punishment begins. The scaffold is maybe three feet wide and there are no railings on it at all so they can barely move up there. There are some railings at either end so at least there’s some safety up there.

 

The Express throws powder in the Warriors’ eyes to blind them which is pretty terrifying this high up. Hawk’s legs go over the edge but he crawls back up. Animal is laying down with one leg dangling over and Bobby winds up hanging from said leg. He manages to swing back over to the structure and climb back up as this continues. Condrey is cut open and tries to climb down the ladder but he gets rammed into the scaffold for his efforts by Hawk.

 

Condrey and Hawk get under the scaffold and kick at each other with Condrey trying to monkey bar away. Animal and Bobby join them and a few moments later the Express get kicked down, giving the Road Warriors the win. As someone who is scared of heights, my stomach can now calm down.

 

Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade as it’s hard to criticize them for moving around so slowly given the fear of potential death involved. There’s only so much you can do that high in the air with no safety rails and they did as much as they could have. The Road Warriors would move on to feuding with the Horsemen soon after this.

 

Post match we get the famous part of the match as Cornette goes up top and runs into Animal. Cornette tries to climb down and winds up hanging from the bottom of the scaffold. He drops down…and Bubba isn’t there to catch him. Jim lands on his legs and basically destroys both of them, causing him problems for the rest of his life. Cornette tries to shout to Bubba to carry him to the back because his legs don’t work but his legs are so destroyed that he can’t get his point across. Animal later said in interviews that it was the funniest thing he’s ever seen.

Soon after this the Road Warriors moved onto the highest profile feud of their careers: teaming with Magnum TA and Dusty Rhodes to fight the Horsemen. One of the biggest matches of that feud would be for the World Tag Team Titles against Arn Adnerson and Tully Blanchard in the Warriors’ hometown of Chicago at Starrcade 1987.

Tag Titles: Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard vs. Road Warriors

 

The Warriors are challenging in their hometown of Chicago. Arn and Hawk start things off with Hawk taking him down via a top wristlock. Anderson is sent to the floor for a staredown with the Warriors’ manager Paul Ellering. Off to Tully who is almost immediately sent to the floor. Animal will have none of this stalling though and sends him right back inside. Hawk pounds away even more and hits a dropkick for a quick near fall.

 

Off to Animal who catches Blanchard coming in off the top in a powerslam for another two count. Arn comes back in and manages to avoid a charge in the corner, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline from Animal. Blanchard tries to come in but gets punched right in the jaw as well. Both Horsemen try to go after Hawk, only to get clotheslined down for a near fall on Blanchard. Total dominance by the Warriors so far.

 

Back to Animal for a bearhug plus a right hand from Hawk. Animal drops Tully down and Blanchard goes bailing to the corner. A dropkick to the ribs puts Blanchard down again so he tags in Anderson. Animal has to chase Arn on the floor before coming back inside to gorilla press him down. A press slam on Tully by Hawk is broken up by Arn hitting Hawk in the knee and the Horsemen FINALLY take over.

 

Tully adds in a chair shot to Hawk’s knee on the floor and a DDT gets two for Arn back in the ring. Blanchard’s figure four is countered into a small package so Tully pounds on the knee a bit more instead. Arn’s spinning toehold is broken up but here’s Tully again for the figure four. For some reason he tags in Anderson with Hawk still in the hold, and it’s Anderson who gets crotched to allow the hot tag to Animal. Everything breaks down and Tully accidentally knocks the referee to the floor before Hawk throws Anderson the floor. Back in and there’s the Doomsday Device on Arn for the pin and the titles.

 

Rating: C. This took awhile to get going but once the Road Warriors got rolling it got awesome in a hurry. They’re such a physical and dominant team that it’s almost impossible to not get fired up watching them. The leg work here by the Horsemen was much more interesting than say the arm work by Taylor, as they have the size and ability to make you believe the Warriors were in trouble.

 

Oh and scratch that title change because Anderson was thrown over the top, meaning the Warriors are disqualified and the Horsemen keep the belts. Say it with me: Dusty Finish. The fans boo this out of the building and with good reason. Who does this help? The Warriors look inept because they didn’t get the win, the Horsemen look like weak champions because they got pinned, and the fans are mad because at STARRCADE we can’t change the belts. Just a dumb idea all around.

With nothing else to do and still no NWA World Tag Team Titles, the Warriors turned heel and received a title match against the Midnight Express on October 29, 1988.

Tag Titles: Midnight Express vs. Road Warriors

It’s Bobby Eaton/Stan Lane here. The Warriors jump them to start and ram both champions face first into the post. We finally start with Lane firing off all his karate offense to slow down Animal as Hawk just beats the fire out of Eaton on the floor. Lane does everything he can in the ring and we finally get down to Animal starting for the challengers.

Cornette cheats for the champions to give Lane a breather but the Road Warriors easily pound him down to take over. A Hart Attack puts Stan down and Hawk adds a powerslam as Eaton can’t even get to his feet. Animal drops a series of elbows as Eaton falls off the apron in agony. A big shoulder block sends Lane flying to the corner and Bobby tags himself in and unloads on Animal in the corner. Animal totally no sells it and clotheslines Eaton’s head off for the pin and the titles in less than five minutes.

Rating: C-. If there’s a bigger squash than this it must be growing in a field somewhere. This was pure dominance with the Midnights having one quick flurry and nothing more in the entire match. This was about giving the Warriors the titles they had never been able to get before in as easy of a fashion as possible. Total destruction of the Midnights here.

Again the heel turn didn’t last long as the Warriors were so dominant that the fans loved their violence. Most of 1989 was spent beating up the Samoan Swat Team and the Skyscrapers so it was off to the WWF in 1990. Their first feud was against Demolition but the closest thing we ever got to a big showdown was in the opening match of the 1990 Survivor Series.

The Warriors vs. The Perfect Team

Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, Legion of Doom

Mr. Perfect, Demolition

I guess this team isn’t as Ultimate as last year. This is the three man version of Demolition. Perfect is feuding with Tornado (Kerry Von Erich, the IC Champion) and the LOD is feuding with Demolition after the LOD cost them the titles. Warrior, the world champion, is there because he has nothing else to do. His team is in the back before the match and says they’ll win. Actually the name Warriors is appropriate as you have the Ultimate Warrior, the Modern Day Warrior (Von Erich’s nickname in WCCW) and the Road Warriors (the LOD’s NWA name).

I’ll never get why the LOD and Demolition never had a big proper match. They fought on house shows but that’s about it. Perfect immediately goes to the apron and lets part of Demolition start. It’s Animal vs. Smash first and they fight immediately with Animal taking him to the mat. Animal throws him into Hawk for a right hand and the other Warriors get in a shot as well.

Smash comes back with a powerslam for two and it’s off to Perfect. That doesn’t last long so here’s Smash again, and he walks right into a powerslam. Everything breaks down and the Warriors clear the ring. Tornado comes in to face Smash who is taking a beating in this so far. Off to Ax who has much better luck for about ten seconds. There’s the Claw http://purchasepropecia.net from Tornado but for some reason Warrior gets the tag and hits a series of awkward looking shoulder blocks before finishing Ax with the splash.

Crush immediately comes in to jump Warrior and take over. Smash comes in to slam Warrior and Crush drops a top rope knee for two. Perfect is freaking out in his trademark over the top style. Warrior gets up a boot in the corner and clotheslines Crush down. Off to Hawk who always looks like he could murder someone in the ring. Perfect tries him out and is immediately slammed down.

Hawk counters a reversal to send Perfect into the corner but Bird Man’s shoulder goes into the post HARD to give the evil ones the advantage. Demolition pounds away on him but Hawk punches right back. A big flying shoulder puts Smash down and Hawk doesn’t tag when he has the chance. The top rope clothesline kills Smash and everything breaks down. Hawk kicks the referee and somehow this disqualifies Hawk, Animal, Smash and Crush. We’re down to Perfect vs. Warrior/Tornado.

It’s going to be Warrior starting the handicap match but Perfect wants Tornado instead. Perfect immediately jumps him and is clotheslined out almost immediately after the jumping. Warrior bangs Perfect’s head into Heenan’s and sends Bobby into the front row. Tornado charges at Perfect and slams into the post to give Perfect the advantage for a bit. A buckle gets exposed somewhere in there and after Tornado’s face goes into it, the Perfectplex makes it one on one.

Perfect tries the Plex again on Warrior which doesn’t work at all. Instead he hammers Warrior down and hits a great looking dropkick for two. Having Perfect run things out there for as long as possible is the best idea they’ve got. Warrior starts grabbing the ropes and shrugging off all the offense from Perfect. A shoulder block and the splash get the final pin.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Survivor Series match so far in the four years they’ve been running this show. Not only was the match lopsided from the start, but half of the people in it were gone seven minutes in. Perfect never had a chance and Warrior had no reason to be in this match at all.

The next step for the Warriors was obvious: the Tag Titles with their shot coming against the Nasty Boys at Summerslam 1991.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

The Nasties are defending and this is No Countout/No DQ, making it a street fight in modern terms. The champions are sent to the floor and the fight is on early. Back in the ring Animal hits a quick powerbomb on Knobbs for two followed by Hawk enziguring Sags down. We get down to the stupid tagging part of the street fight with Sags sending Hawk to the floor and hitting him with a bucket of water.

Back in and Knobbs works over Hawk in the corner before Sags sends him into the steps. A back elbow gets two for Knobbs and a top rope version gets the same for Sags. Brian goes up top again but jumps into Hawk’s boot, finally allowing for the hot tag off to Animal. Everything breaks down and Sags hits Animal in the back with Jimmy’s helmet for two. Hawk steals the helmet and lays out both Nasties, setting up the Doomsday Device on Sags for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This SUCKED as the street fight rule was barely used at all. It was little more than a few shots with the helmet when the referee wasn’t looking anyway. Hawk and Animal barely broke a sweat out there as they were already talking about the Natural Disasters earlier tonight instead of worrying about winning the belts. This win was a long time coming though.

The reign wouldn’t last long as they would drop the titles in an untaped match at a house show in February of 1992. It was clear that Hawk was about to go nuts due to personal issues and Vince wanted to get the belts off of them as fast as they could. After about six months away they would return in the fall, only to be gone again immediately after Summerslam when Hawk walked out.

After a few years in Japan it was back to WCW, where they participated in a Chicago Street Fight at Uncensored 1996 in Tupelo, Mississippi for the Tag Team Titles against one half of the champions Sting and his partner Booker T. Somehow this was the second most confusing match of the show.

Chicago Street Fight; Road Warriors vs. Booker T/Sting

Now say it with me: a Chicago street fight is happening in MISSISSIPPI. The idea here is that if Booker and Sting win here, Harlem Heat gets a title shot. I think the belts are on the line here but it’s never made clear, at least not so far. This is Booker’s dry run for a singles push, which obviously went well as he won his first TV Title a year and a half later. Yeah the NWO REALLY threw a lot of stuff off.

Naturally it’s a brawl to start and they’re already on the floor. We go split screen here which is a good idea. Granted then they have just two separate shots of the same thing and I continue to wonder how they stayed in business as long as they did. Tony must be drunk because he makes a good point, saying that these kinds of matches should have two referees. Aside from pointing out the stupidity of the higher ups with them allowing such an idiotic move, that’s very accurate.

Sting and Animal trade low blows on the post because that’s very normal. We switch back to the split screen, now complete with a graphic reminding us that this is the Chicago Street Fight. In yet another great moment from Bobby, he says that instead of covering someone that’s down, you go through his pockets and look for cash, jewelry, watches, etc. I love Heenan.

The wrestlers can apparently get away with murder, but they can get disqualified. I love wrestling. It’s Booker and Animal in the ring and Sting and Hawk, who is also an animal but whatever, with Sting in the aisle. Hawk can throw a freaking dropkick when he has to. That was impressive. Sting gets a chair and hits some absolutely laughably bad shots with it. However, they’re divine ones compared to the ones that Animal hits the faces with.

How weird is it that the Road Warriors are the heels in a match? Those shots were just awful though. I think I’ve seen Rey throw harder ones. Hawk no sells a piledriver. Really? How do you not sell a freaking piledriver? You’re dropped on your head for goodness’ sake. The stupid stuff continues as we have a chinlock in a street fight. Oh yeah work that chin! Heenan says that Animal or Hawk need to get with their partner and say something to them.

The thing he says takes him 11 seconds to say. It’s not really funny, but there’s something that’s just great about that. They hit the stands for about a second and we have the second instance tonight of the chairs being in big rows for no apparent reason. Why do they insist on using two camera for the same shot? I love wrestling at times, but this makes my head hurt.

Apparently this is non title, so therefore Sting can’t lose his title and can only get hurt, the Road Warriors have nothing to gain, and Booker can get a title shot. Why are the three not named Booker here? Sting and Hawk are in the ring and Booker and Animal are near the cage. They set for the Doomsday Device but Booker makes the save by crocthing Animal (who usually doesn’t go up top).

This prompts Dusty to say E.T. phone home. I gave up on trying to figure this out a long time ago. Sting hits the fifth low blow in 15 minutes. I wish they would make a reference to Sting and Dusty teaming up to fight the Road Warriors at Starrcade 87. Just as I say that, Bobby asks Dusty what he would do if he were Sting’s partner in this case. I wish he would have said that he was and left it at that but no go.

The spinaroonie is known as the whirly bird here. I’d love to see Sting against RVD in a jumping contest. It would be a very interesting challenge. Apparently the fans are standing everywhere. They must be about an average of 4ft tall because they look like they’re sitting to me, but then again I’m no professional announcer. Booker hits low blow #6.

Tony, continuing his brilliant career as an announcer, points out that they haven’t done anything incredibly extreme and this has really just been as basic as possible. Thanks for pointing out that this isn’t as great as it was built up to be and giving us no reason to believe the hype on future PPVs. I think I’ve finally started figuring out the problem that I have with this commentary team: I don’t know what they’re saying and it just passes through my head as being fine.

Bobby and Dusty are talking about glomming someone. What the heck does that mean? I guess it means double teaming, but it could mean sharing a turkey sandwich and a white wine for all I know. I will give them this: they’ve managed to keep going with the singles and team fighting. That’s hard to do but they’re pulling it off here.

Off a top rope powerslam, Bobby says Sting landed on his shoulder like Apollo 13. THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! What in the world is that supposed to mean? It’s like just random gibberish that sounds good. What the heck does Apollo freaking 13 have to do with this match and how in the world does it relate to a guy landing on his shoulder? Animal follows it up with even more weak chair shots. Uh oh, a weak clothesline hits the post.

The weapons shots here just flat out suck. Hawk just somehow managed to hit Sting with the side of the chair facing Hawk when he swung it. That’s hard to do. Sting then leaves his partner alone to go get some plunder (which I figured out means weapons). He comes back with….brooms. Yep, he’s got brooms. Even Tony sounds annoyed with this match as we’re well past 20 minutes here which is mainly just stupid stuff where they look tired.

Now instead of hitting Hawk with the wooden handle of the broom, he hits him with the straw. Yep, that’s what he did. Animal apparently noggered Booker. There’s a new language being formed here. Bobby makes a vacuum reference for no apparent reason. They trash Luger some more as it occurs to me that Dusty has fought him at Starrcade as well. Hey WCW: GET NEW TALENT!

Booker apparently walks out with Animal following him so we hit the split screen again. Animal and Booker fight in the back even more with Luger there. Animal accidentally hits Luger and knocks him into some trash, which ticks him off of course. With a Viking like yell he runs at Animal and takes him out. Stevie Ray, Booker’s partner, shows up and along with Jimmy Hart they beat the tar out of Animal and tie him to a post.

In the ring, Hawk is beating the crap out of Sting which is odd to see indeed. Sting goes into his insane offense that works better than anything else. Booker is back now as it’s all faces here. Stevie runs out to hit another crap chair shot to end this. Right after the pin we cut to Animal who is screaming about nothing in particular other than having his face kicked in, being taped to a pole and being handcuffed. I love wrestling!

Rating: D+. This is just hard to grade. The main problem is simple: this went thirty minutes. You could cut at least 15 of that out and this is a B- or so. There’s just way too many dead spots though where it’s just random punches and kicking that get very boring. The street fight aspect of this was awful with only a few chair shots and the broom being in there to do anything at all. Also, it’s not even for the titles. Put Booker in there as a substitute partner. That would have at least given us something close to a reason to care. The brawling was ok, but that’s overshadowed by the pure dullness of about 15 minutes of this.

The Road Warriors would make it back to the WWF for one last run in 1997, staying for about a year and winning the Tag Titles one more time. The magic was gone though and they were more or less living off nostalgia so I’ll skip over this period. There would however be one final appearance for the team on the big stage as a total surprise. From the May 12, 2003 episode of Monday Night Raw.

Raw Tag Titles: Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Legion of Doom

Animal and RVD get things going with Animal stomping away in the corner, only to be kicked in the face to put him down. Off to Hawk who gets kicked as well before hitting his neckbreaker, only to get kicked in the face again. Kane gets the tag and speeds things up with clotheslines to both Doomers. The top rope clothesline drops Hawk but they break up a double chokeslam, only to have RVD kick Animal down and hit Rolling Thunder for two. Animal comes back with a powerbomb to Van Dam but he ducks the clothesline on the Doomsday Device. The chokeslam and Five Star are enough to pin Hawk and retain the titles.

Rating: D+. The match was little more than a squash for the champions but it was nice to see Hawk out there one last time as his old self instead of the shell of a shell that he would become. It’s still not a good match or anything but it wasn’t supposed to be anything close to one.

Hawk would pass away about six months after this but from every report I’ve seen, he was a changed man when it happened.

The idea I was trying to present here was dominance. In their prime, the Road Warriors simply were not going to lose a fair fight. The NWA and AWA Tag Title reigns came to an end due to cheating and the first WWF reign was never allowed to see the light of day. They’re a great example of what can happen when a team is protected. They weren’t a great in ring team but they didn’t need to do anything other than run people over and destroy them with power moves. It worked for the better part of 20 years in every promotion they worked in so there must have been something to it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 8, 2002
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re two weeks past the Draft now and the main story is that Austin has signed with Raw, finally giving them an exclusive top star. Other than that there isn’t much going on here as we roll towards Backlash. Whatever energy the Draft gave the show is already gone, meaning we’re entering into the dark days for the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from Smackdown with Vince saying Undertaker isn’t the #1 contender because Flair didn’t have the right to make that selection. Vince knows what the fans wants and makes HHH vs. Hulk Hogan for the title at the PPV. HHH said that when Hogan was in the ring with him, he was an obstacle, not immortal.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Undertaker on his bike to open the show. He wants to know who made the decision to take the title shot away from him because it was his turn to take the title. Now it’s HHH vs. Hogan and that’s a bunch of bull. Raw starts right here and now because he’s going to stand here until someone comes out and explains this to him. Cue Raw owner Ric Flair who says maybe he was too ambitious last week. He wanted to see HHH vs. Undertaker at Backlash, but he tried to get there too fast.

However, Undertaker needs to understand that he’s not in charge around here. Flair implies Undertaker gets the next title shot but Undertaker calls him a liar. This must be about Undertaker beating him at Wrestlemania, which is understandable after how badly Flair got destroyed there. Undertaker wants the shot after Backlash and threatens another beating if he doesn’t get it. This brings out Austin to stand up for his boss, because that’s in character for him.

Austin does the WHAT schtick while asking why Undertaker is getting the title shot after Backlash. Is it because of the clothes he wears or because Flair is scared? Maybe Undertaker is dead, meaning he has no pulse, doesn’t breathe, bought the farm or kicked the bucket. Or is it because he rides a stupid bike?

Austin wants Flair to pick between himself and Undertaker for the shot after Backlash, but instead Flair rants about both guys treating him badly. He makes two #1 contenders matches with Austin vs. Hall and Undertaker vs. RVD for tonight. No word on what happens if both win but I think you can figure it out. Undertaker threatens Flair and calls Austin cueball before starting a fight. Austin clotheslines Undertaker to the floor but can’t Stun Flair.

Hardcore Title: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Booker T.

Bubba is defending but Booker has something to say first. He thinks the people want to see a Spinarooni and that’s exactly what Booker gives them. Bubba comes back with dancing of his own that makes it look like he’s having a seizure. Booker jumps him and we’re ready to go, only to see Bubba dump him to the floor. The champ sends him into the steps and then back into the ring as it’s time to bust out the weapons. A belly to back suplex gets two on Booker as the fans want tables.

Booker comes back with a knee to the ample gut and an ax kick before blasting him in the head with a stop sign. Bubba shrugs it off and hits a Samoan drop followed by a series of elbows. He gets his own table but Booker knocks him down and sets it up himself. Cue Goldust to run in and DDT Booker on a trumpet before Bubba powerbombs Goldust through the table for a pin to retain, because that’s how the Hardcore Title works.

Raitng: D. Why bother pinning him if the title is defended 24/7? The match was nothing of note and it was an even worse sign that they were trying to push Bubba as a singles guy. Yeah he would eventually work as Bully Ray but this was just one half of the Dudley Boys, which isn’t interesting at all.

Bubba dances more on the stage.

Trish says her head hurts and promises to get back at Molly Holly for attacking her last week. William Regal comes up and says no one cares about Trish because she’s only there to show off her figure. He talks about Spike Dudley but Trish makes fun of Regal for getting shown up by Spike last week. Regal calls Spike a toerag, an accident to his mother and an abortion on society.

Kane admires the Divas Swimsuit Magazine and says the rest of him isn’t burnt. He’s no longer ashamed of being a freak because the Kaneanites love him. Tonight he’ll start going through the NWO, because just like the lion roars and the chicken clucks, it’s a simple fact of life that X-Pac sucks. Nice rhyme.

X-Pac asks the Outsiders to wait in the back.

Kane vs. X-Pac

Falls count anywhere. Brawl to start with X-Pac actually taking over with some kicks in the corner. Kane easily shoves him back down and stops a charging Pac with a big boot before heading outside. They fight into the crowd and up by the set before going into the back. Hall and Nash jump Kane with weapons and X-Pac hits the ground with a chair (missing Kane’s head by about eight inches) for the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long.

X-Pac takes the mask off with Kane’s face on the ground until Bradshaw makes the save. Yeah at this point, the top faces on Raw were Austin, Kane, Bubba Ray Dudley and Bradshaw. Starting to get how long these shows felt live?

Kane is taken out on a stretcher post break and X-Pac is wearing the mask when Flair comes in. Nash is suspended without pay so he threatens to sue Flair.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal

Regal is defending, Spike steals the brass knuckles and knocks him out and we have a new champion in 5 seconds.

Tommy Dreamer, Jackie, Big Show, Bubba Dudley and Coach celebrate the title win by pouring Slurpees on Spike.

Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker

First #1 contenders match, RVD’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line and I think only Undertaker can become #1 contender. Undertaker pounds Rob down in the corner to start and chokes him on the ropes. Some knees to the ribs have Rob in more trouble and he walks into a side slam for two. The fans are entirely behind Rob but Undertaker kicks him to the apron for an elbow to the jaw.

Van Dam avoids the legdrop and kicks Undertaker in the face, setting up an Asai Moonsault for Rob’s first advantage. Back in and a kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder but Undertaker crotches Rob to break up the Five Star. Undertaker busts out a nice top rope superplex for two and heads outside for a chair.

That’s fine with Rob though as he shoves the referee away and hits a quick Van Daminator but has to dive on an interfering Eddie Guerrero. Back in and the chokeslam puts RVD down for a delayed two count. The Last Ride is escapes and Rob kicks him in the face to set up the Five Star, but Rob bounces off too far and Eddie blasts him in the back of the head with the IC Title. Undertaker covers for two before ending Rob with the Last Ride.

Rating: C. Better match than I was expecting, even with the unnecessary overbooking. I’m glad they didn’t have Rob get pinned clean though as it keeps the title looking stronger. Undertaker wasn’t much to see around this time but this was one of his better performances. Not a bad match at all with Rob making up for the lethargic Deadman.

Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Jazz is on commentary. Before the match, Molly, now looking even better with light brown hair says she’s a great wrestler and doesn’t like being off the show while there’s a paddle on a pole match going on. Terri thinks Molly is jealous but Molly says she’s beautiful and wholesome. Trish jumps her in the aisle to start as Jazz has nothing to say. Molly escapes a monkey flip but gets dropkicked down and bails to the floor.

Back in and Molly chokes a bit before hitting a nice handspring elbow. More choking ensues and Molly gets two off something the camera misses. Molly gets crotched on top and the Stratusphere brings her down. Trish goes after Jazz and gets hit with the belt for her efforts, allowing Molly to hook a freaky leg lock into a pin back inside.

Rating: D+. And most of that is for how tight Trish’s top was and how great Molly looked. The match was nothing more than angle advancement which is a great sign. Imagine that: an ANGLE in the Divas division with three different women who can all work a good match. It wasn’t anything of note but it’s light years ahead of what we get today.

Paul Heyman insults Phoenix and tells Brock that he can’t beat up a member of the audience. Heyman reveals that he’s Brock’s agent.

Here are Brock and Heyman to some very generic rock music. Heyman says he can do whatever he wants as long as he’s standing next to this monster. He brags about managing Steve Austin and Undertaker to make them what they are today. Heyman also invented ECW which the WWF stole but that’s beside the point. Paul lists off about ten names for Brock, ranging from impervice to incredible to the Next Big Thing.

We look at a highlight reel of Brock’s destruction, including that awesome F5 to Rikishi. Cue the Hardys to double team Brock but he LAUNCHES both of them to the floor. They both grab chairs and give Lesnar HARD shots to the head that would get them fired today. Brock doesn’t even go down and is all BRING IT ON but Heyman calls him off.

Big Show vs. Mr. Perfect

This is about what you would expect: Perfect gets in some shots, Big Show throws him around, Perfect hits him low and actually gets the PerfectPlex for a one count and the chokeslam ends it.

Austin goes into Flair’s office but finds no one. He has a seat and puts his feet up to wait.

JR recaps the big angle of the show and introduces clips from earlier. JR: “It was time for Ric Flair to make a decision.” Austin: “It’s time for Ric Flair to make a decision.” We also see some of Undertaker beating RVD earlier tonight.

Flair comes in and explains the deal to Austin: if Austin wins, he faces Undertaker at Backlash for the #1 contender spot.

Scott Hall vs. Steve Austin

X-Pac is with Hall here but Austin goes off on Scott to start anyway. He chokes away with the vest and gets two off a slam. They head to the floor with Austin chopping and eye poking. Back in and Scott throws Austin to the floor so X-Pac can get in a few shots, only to have Austin beat the tar out of him. Austin gets back inside and works over Hall in the corner until a mule kick below the belt changes control again.

Steve is sent to the floor for another beating from X-Pac before coming back in to get clotheslined for two. There’s a sleeper from Hall but Austin suplexes out of it. Austin comes back with right hands (shocking) but a double clothesline puts both guys down. An X-Pac cheap shot has almost no effect and there’s the Thesz Press as Austin cranks it up. X-Pac gets a shot to the jaw but the referee goes down.

Both NWO members get spinebusters but here’s the Undertaker to beat up Austin. Bradshaw runs in to fight Undertaker as Hall gets two off Undertaker’s chokeslam. The referee goes down again (bad night for him) as Hall hits the fallaway slam. X-Pac comes in for a double team but Flair comes in to stare down X-Pac. A Stunner takes care of Pac and an even bigger one is good for the pin on Scott.

Rating: D+. This was a kick and punch match until the overdone ending. Austin vs. the NWO isn’t an interesting story, especially with no Nash or Hogan in sight. Hall and X-Pac are just guys in matching shirts at this point and there’s nothing for them to do anymore. Unfortunately they would be around for awhile.

Flair takes a Stunner as well because Austin fights authority you see.

Overall Rating: D. The show went by pretty quickly but there’s nothing interesting to see here. The matches were nothing special and the big story could have been solved by making Austin vs. Undertaker for the title shot in the first place. Austin Stunning Flair made me roll my eyes as they’re trying to force lightning back into a bottle and it just doesn’t work that way. Uninspiring but not completely horrid show this week.

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Smackdown
Date: January 24, 2014
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Josh Matthews

It’s the go home show for the Rumble and not a lot changed this past week on Raw. Batista is back and apparently people are still interested in him, meaning I can’t imagine anyone else taking the Rumble at this point. Since it’s Friday, I’m guessing we’ll be getting a big tag match to close out the week. Let’s get to it.

We open with an in memory of George Scott graphic. Always nice to see.

Opening sequence actually opens us up.

The main event tonight is a ten man tag with the Usos/Rhodes Brothers/Langston vs. Shield/New Age Outlaws.

The Real Americans are in the ring to start with Colter ranting about Big Show attacking him. Unfortunately his voice is better now and not as awesome as it was last week. We get a clip from two weeks ago of Big Show knocking Colter out cold which set up tonight’s tag match with Show/Mysterio vs. the Real Americans. Colter doesn’t think Mysterio is his real name either. Speaking of names, Colter comes up with various names for Big Show/Mysterio: the Border Jumping Buddies, Tacos Supremos Hold the Salsa and El Gordito and the Jumping Bean.

Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio

Swagger charges at Big Show to start and is easily thrown down. Some forearms to the back send Jack running to the corner for a tag off to Cesaro who is thrown around as well. Show puts his foot on Cesaro’s face and lifts him up by the arm for a kind of reverse curb stomp. Cesaro is tossed out to the floor and Mysterio takes him down with a seated senton off the apron. A kick to the face drops Swagger and we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding a chinlock on Mysterio until Rey fights up and gets two off a rollup.

Antonio doesn’t like being covered so he Swings Mysterio around for a few seconds. Off to Swagger who counters catches a middle rope hurricanrana in midair, only to be sent face first into the middle buckle. Cesaro comes back in but the Real Americans get caught in a double DDT, allowing for the hot tag to Big Show. The monster hiptosses both Americans with ONE ARM. That’s very cool looking, even if both of them helped with the throw. A 619 sets up the WMD and the splash off Big Show’s shoulders for the pin on Cesaro at 8:52.

Rating: C-. The match was formula stuff but it made Big Show look good going into the showdown on Sunday. Mysterio was just kind of there but it’s good to see him in the ring instead of on the injured list all the time. He’s nowhere near what he used to be but at his age and with his knees held together with glue, it’s about as good as you can expect.

Heyman comes out post match and tells Big Show to enjoy his health while he can, because there will be nothing to celebrate on Sunday. Big Show did throw Lesnar around on Monday, but it’s only made Brock want to hurt Big Show even more. Lesnar will be WWE Champion after dealing with the giant.

The Miz vs. Brodus Clay

Before the match, Wade Barrett’s podium rises up and he informs us that while the ten man tag will be awesome tonight, this is going to be one of the worst matches in WWE history. He starts the MIZ IS AWFUL chant and bangs his gavel in place of the five clap sequence. That’s really not something you should say on your programming, even for a Miz match. Miz jumps Barrett while the crowd takes up the chant. Barrett keeps taking jabs at the match, calling it one of the worst things he’s ever seen and thinking the crowd wants milk and cookies. He asks Clay to dance and the distraction lets Miz hits a DDT for the pin at 1:22.

Miz goes up to the podium but Barrett laughs down at him.

Rumble By The Numbers promo.

AJ Lee vs. Cameron

Non-title. AJ quickly takes her down but charges into a boot in the corner. Cameron stops to dance a bit before dropping a leg for two. A baseball slide puts Naomi down but she walks into a Shining Wizard for the pin at 1:32.

Post match Tamina goes after Cameron but Naomi makes the save and lays AJ out with a Bubba Bomb.

Raw ReBound shows Batista returning and laying out Alberto.

Shield says twenty seven other men are going to enter the Royal Rumble as hungry dogs. Those other people can pretend they’re going to have a chance but it’s just wishful thinking. All of the other men are casualties and Reigns says he’ll win.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Los Matadores

JBL thinks El Torito is a descendant of Mr. Ed. Ryback slams Diego down for an early two before Axel comes in to ram Diego into the corner. A nice running dropkick keeps Diego in trouble, causing Josh to say Torito has a look of concern on his face. JBL: “HE’S A BULL!” Back to Ryback who toys with Diego even more before jumping off the middle rope into a pair of boots. Axel can’t break up the hot tag attempt and Fernando comes in to clean house. A double arm DDT gets two on Axel but Ryback makes the save and throws Diego to the floor. Fernando throws Ryback out, only to get rolled up by Axel for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. I believe that’s Los Matadores’ first loss, but thankfully they stayed undefeated for so long because they haven’t been on TV all that much. They’re just not an interesting team at all and I can’t picture them lasting much longer without being relegated to Superstars. It’s nice to see Axel get a pin as well.

Post match Torito IMMEDIATELY sends Axel to the floor and dives on him Ryback so the fans won’t have their spirits crushed or something.

Here’s Punk to address Kane making him #1 in the Rumble. We get a clip of Punk calling Kane a suck up last week, earning himself a chokeslam as well as a clip from Raw of Kane apologizing and getting knocked to the floor. Punk talks about the Authority’s lapdog making him the #1 entrant in the Rumble to stack the deck against him. That’s what he expected from HHH and Stephanie but it just motivates him to become WWE Champion again.

He’s done a lot in the WWE but the one glaring omission is winning the Rumble. Now that he’s #1 it might be the toughest match he’s ever competed in, but that’s what you have to expect if you call yourself the best in the world. On Sunday he’s going to punch the lion in the face and do everything he can to be the last man standing.

This brings out Kane who says that Punk has a .000000186 chance of winning, or one in five hundred million. Maybe his odds are a little better because he’s best in the world though. Punk says never tell him the odds and that it’s sad to see what has happened to the Devil’s Favorite Demon. Is he the Authority’s Favorite Statistician now? Punk isn’t worried because the #1 entrant has won before and he’s been the best since day one.

We recap Bryan vs. Wyatt who have a match on Sunday. I’m actually looking forward to that showdown.

Wyatt Family vs. Prime Time Players

Harper pounds on Young in the corner to start before kicking his head off with a big boot. Off to Rowan who takes off the mask to reveal that hideous face of his. Harper loads up a whip to send Rowan into the corner but instead Rowan whips Harper into the other corner to take out Titus. The discus lariat ends Young at 1:05 in a total squash.

Darren gets Sister Abigail post match and Bray says he’ll change the world. You can hear some Bo Dallas in his voice as he speaks, only to have Daniel Bryan cut him off. Bryan says listen to these people because they don’t fear fate, the reapers or burning with the saints. On Sunday, Daniel will no longer be trapped in Bray’s madness, but Bray will be trapped in Daniel’s prison. He’ll find out who the real monster is as the fans chant YES.

Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston

During the entrances we get an inset interview from Kofi who says that he’s done some amazing things to stay in the Rumble, but this Sunday he’s going to perform his greatest feat of all: win the Royal Rumble and go on to headline Wrestlemania. Simple, to the point, ties into his character’s history. I’d love these sort of promos to be more common.

A shoulder block puts Kofi down and Fandango gyrates a bit. Back up and Kofi throws him over the top and out to the corner (nice touch) and we get an Emma sighting. Fandango rams him into the apron to take over and something resembling a Pele gets two on Kofi back inside. Kingston pops back up and sends Fandango into the ropes for Trouble in Paradise and the pin at 2:57. Just a match.

Rumble By The Numbers Part II.

Long recap of Cena vs. Orton.

New Age Outlaws/Shield vs. Usos/Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Big E. Langston

Jimmy and Rollins get things going with Seth stomping him down in the corner. They run the ropes a few times until Jimmy stops to dance and grab an arm. Ambrose comes in and has his arm worked on for a few minutes before a right hand gets two. Langston gets the tag and charges into Ambrose’s ribs in the corner before hitting a series of backbreakers to keep Dean in trouble. Dean gets a boot up in the corner and tags in Reigns for a big running clothesline.

Big E. gets triple teamed for a bit but just powers Shield off and makes the tag to Cody. Things speed up a bit with a springboard missile dropkick and the Disaster Kick but Gunn comes in for a shot from behind to take over. We take a break and come back with Cody sunset flipping Rollins for two before Seth takes him down again. Gunn gets the tag and drops a knee for two. The heels continue their tagging with Reigns hammering on his back and holding him in place with a cravate.

Dean comes back in with a spinning belly to back suplex for two but Cody fights out of a belly to back superplex and hits the moonsault press on the now legal Reigns. Goldust gets the hot tag to clean house and even hits a top rope hurricanrana to blow everyone’s minds. A powerslam gets two on Road Dogg and here’s Langston for the Big Ending on Rollins but Roman makes the save with a spear.

Jey superkicks Reigns down and Jimmy adds the Superfly Splash but throws Dean to the floor instead of covering. The Usos load up the stereo dives but Billy cuts off Jimmy and takes him down with the Fameasser. Cody comes back in for the Disaster Kick but Roadie takes him down with the pumphandle slam, only to have Goldust grab a rollup but Shield makes a save as the match is thrown out at 13:20.

Rating: B-. This was an old formula tag match but the very hot finish helped it out a lot. I’m a sucker for the parade of finishers to set up the ending and when you have ten guys it’s quite a long parade. The DQ ending is a smart move here as you don’t want anyone doing a job going into the Rumble or a title match.

Everybody gets in and we get the traditional huge brawl with everyone else announced for the Rumble (other than Batista of course) coming to join in the fight. CM Punk comes out to a BIG pop to get in on the brawl as the show goes off the air.

Overall Rating: B. This is the show they’ve been needing to have since the beginning of the year. Tonight was about the Rumble match itself with people wanting to go to Wrestlemania, which is the whole point of the show this Sunday. The other matches got some nice build as well and for once I’m excited for the entire show. Tonight wasn’t supposed to be about good matches or the in ring action and it wasn’t the focus. Good episode tonight which did its job.

Results

Big Show/Rey Mysterio b. Real Americans – Splash to Cesaro

The Miz b. Wade Barrett – DDT

AJ Lee b. Cameron – Shining Wizard

Curtis Axel/Ryback b. Los Matadores – Rollup to Fernando

Wyatt Family b. Prime Time Players – Discus lariat to Young

Kofi Kingston b. Fandango – Trouble in Paradise

Usos/Big E. Langston/Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Shield/New Age Outlaws via DQ when all three members of Shield came into the ring

 

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It’s a slightly lesser known name today due to a lack of interesting wrestlers’ parents mating nine months earlier. Today it’s Gene Snitsky.

Gene debuted on Raw after a meaningless run in OVW. His first match on Raw was seemingly as a jobber on the September 13, 2004 episode of Monday Night Raw against Kane.

Kane vs. Gene Snitsky

No DQ so Kane can have extra fun. Lita, currently pregnant with Kane’s baby, is with the big bald here. An uppercut takes Gene down to start and kicks him in the side of the head. Kane drops a leg but charges into a boot in the corner to stop the momentum for a bit. Snitsky hits Kane low and fires off some awkward looking right hands (he punches forward so far that his fist winds up by his knees), only to run into a big boot. Kane gets a chair and wraps it around Gene’s neck but Lita stops the Pillmanizing. An argument ensues, allowing Snitsky to blast Kane with the chair, knocking him onto Lita. Kane freaks out and it’s a no contest.

The story of course was that Lita lost her baby, starting a huge feud between Kane and Snitsky. Over the course of the next few months, Kane never could get the better of Snitsky, even after Snitsky punted a baby doll into the crowd in an awesome moment. Gene also started saying “it wasn’t my fault” as a catchphrase. The two feuded for about four months, eventually leading to a steel cage match on the January 31, 2005 episode of Raw.

Kane vs. Gene Snitsky

The wars between these two have resulted in Kane having a bad arm and Snitsky having bad ribs. Snitsky is rammed face first into the cage and punched a few times to start before a double clothesline puts both guys down. A hard forearm staggers Kane and Snitsky sends him into the buckle and cage for good measure. Gene goes up to escape but here’s Trish Stratus in a neck brace due to a recent attack from Kane. Snitsky is pulled off the cage but Kane can’t make it to the floor.

Back in and Kane lifts him into the air and slams him down but both guys crash to the mat. Kane sends him face first into the cage and hits the top rope clothesline but Trish slams the door on him. There’s no effect though and Kane brings Trish into the cage for a chokeslam, only to have Snitsky make the save with a big boot. Gene gets out of the cage but doesn’t go to the floor. Instead he tears the door off the cage and throws it inside but Kane kicks it back into Snitsky’s face. Kane crotches Snitsky on the door and chokeslams him for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was mainly punching and kicking but it was a good way to close out the feud. Snitsky got a WAY bigger push than he was supposed to get out of this and lasted for months in the midcard as a result. The Trish stuff didn’t need to exist but she looked great in a low cut top so who am I to complain?

Snitsky would fall down the card for several months before getting a brief resurrgence for a feud with Big Show, culminating in a match at Unforgiven 2005.

Big Show vs. Snitsky

One of the dangers of doing these reviews is running into matches like this one with zero backstory at all. I’m really hoping we get an explanation here because I don’t think I’m going to be able to make myself care about it otherwise. Ok so apparently Snitsky jumped Show with the bell but we get cut off by a brawl so we have to stop the flashback. Show throws him around with ease so Snitsky tries to walk.

Show does the SHHH bit and Snitsky is in trouble. Well it worked well the first time so let’s do it again. Show’s charge into the post misses and he clotheslines the steel. We actually go to the flashback while Snitsky has a hold on Show. It’s an armlock so at least he’s thinking. Snitsky manages a belly to back suplex which was pretty impressive. It only gets two but still it looked good.

Snitsky can’t keep him down so he goes back to the arm because that’s worked so well thus far. Ok so that is actually good psychology but it’s a little boring, especially when we know Snitsky has about as much chance as I do of beating Big Show. Show grabs a spinebuster out of nowhere and both guys are down. Show NIPS UP (holding the rope but still) and I think you know what’s coming now. Splash in the corner sets up the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. This was under seven minutes and that’s the best thing that could have happened to it. They just did power stuff and the arm worked helped it a little bit. It’s not a good match or anything but it could have been a lot worse, which is why the keeping it short was a great thing. Snitsky was pretty worthless after his debut feud with Kane though.

Snitsky would plummet down the card after this, appearaing primarily on Sunday Night Heat. He would get one brief return to TV on ECW as a monster heel, including a match with Rob Van Dam on the May 15, 2007 episode of ECW on Sci-Fi.

Rob Van Dam vs. Snitsky

The announcers spend the opening of the match talking about ECW Champion Vince McMahon (just go with it) not being here tonight as Rob kicks at Snitsky’s legs. A big boot takes Van Dam’s head off and a suplex gets two for Gene. Choking ensues until Gene grabs a double underhook to crank on Rob’s arms.

RVD comes back with a kick to the head and a spinwheel kick to the jaw. The top rope kick to the face misses and Rob comes back with another kick to the face. You may be noticing a pattern in Van Dam’s offense. Rolling Thunder misses but Rob ducks a big boot. They head outside so Snitaky can take Rob’s head off with a clothesline. A chair shot to Rob’s head is enough for a DQ.

Rating: D. The match was far longer than it needed to be with Rob spending most of the match either in rest holds or kicking Snitsky in the head. Snitsky looked a lot more evil around this time, having shaved his head and put on some additional muscle mass. Unfortunately it didn’t do much for his in ring work.

Here’s a match from May 11, 2008 on Sunday Night Heat so Snitsky can at least win one match in this thing.

Snitsky vs. Phil Atlas

Even the annoucners are saying this isn’t going to last long. Snitsky throws Atlas around as commentator Josh Matthews says change the channel if you expect Atlas to have a chance. Nice advice there guys. A hard clothesline sets up some elbow drops on Phil before putting on that double underhook hold. Atlas tries a middle rope cross body but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. A pumphandle powerslam ends Phil with ease.

Snitsky closed out his WWE tenure in 2008, including a non-title match against World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk on the July 7, 2008 episode of Monday Night Raw.

CM Punk vs. Snitsky

Snitsky shoves him into the corner to start and catches a diving Punk in a bearhug. A slam puts Punk down again and an elbow drop gets two. Back to the bearhug for a bit before Snitsky misses a legdrop. Punk comes back with a series of kicks (man do a lot of Snitsky’s opponents use kicks) followed by the corner knee/bulldog combination and the GTS for the pin.

That’s about it for Snitsky who didn’t have much of a career in WWE. He was around for a long time but there just wasn’t anything there after the matches with Kane. At the end of the day, Snitsky was a big guy with a good look but nothing to back it up. He certainly wasn’t bad but there’s no real reason to get behind him at all.

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