On This Day: October 21, 2002 – Monday Night Raw: There’s No Easy Way Here. It’s Katie Vick.

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 21, 2002
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Oh look: a Raw from 2002. This is I think the twelfth episode I’ve done from this show, and you would think it would be something fun. Instead, it’s the KATIE VICK EPISODE! Yep, this is the show where HHH climbs in a casket and rapes a mannequin, because this is a wrestling show baby! I think that about covers it. It’s the night after No Mercy and HHH is the champion of all that is Raw as the IC Title has been knocked out for the next eight months or so. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Katie Vick story. HHH claims Kane is a murderer, but Kane says it was an accident. This is the night after HHH beat Kane to unify the IC and World Titles but the feud must continue for some reason.

Here’s HHH along with Flair to open the show. HHH talks about how he’s proven the writers wrong when they said he didn’t deserve to be handed the title. He ended the IC Title last night and there’s no one that can do anything about it. HHH calls himself unstoppable and says that he might be the greatest world champion ever. Flair has a video that explains the Katie Vick ordeal. Oh boy. Kane isn’t here yet, but apparently tonight it’s Kane/RVD vs. HHH/Flair. This brings out Hurricane, Kane’s other partner, to beat up HHH and take the tape, but HHH beats Hurricane down and takes it back.

Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Nowitski

Chris takes him down to start and Jeff is getting frustrated, which would be a recurring theme for him for the next few weeks. Jeff sends him to the floor and hits a big flipping dive to take over. Nowitski gets in a shot back inside and gets a few two counts. Hardy comes back with a Thesz Press and actually uses it as a pinning combination. Nowitski chokes away in the corner and gets two off a rolling side cradle.

A gutbuster gets another two on Hardy and this match isn’t going anywhere. Jeff fires away but walks into a hot shot for two. A spinning double underhook slam gets two for Chris and here comes Jeff’s real comeback. He fires away with right hands and a jawbreaker but Chris moves before the Swanton launches. Chris brings in a chair but Al Snow comes in to break it up. The chair winds up hitting Chris in the head but Snow pulls Nowitski away from the Swanton. It hits the chair and Chris steals the pin.

Rating: D. This just kept going. Nowitski was a great base for a character but he never got off the ground. The guy just wasn’t that good. He wasn’t especially bad but he just wasn’t that good. This match didn’t work well for the most part and Hardy would start turning heel soon after this, which didn’t work at all.

Eric Bischoff, the GM, is watching Big Show intimidate him recently. Stacy comes in to ask to referee a match tonight. Eric says yeah whatever but not the main event. Stacy leaves and here’s Show. Eric gives Show Jamal, Rico and Rosey tonight.

Snow talks to Dreamer about costing Dreamer a match recently. They have a Singapore cane match tonight. Dreamer leaves and Nowitski comes up. Nowitski doesn’t want/need Al’s help. Ok then.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

The winners get a title shot against whoever the champions are now. Apparently it’s Christian/Jericho. Storm runs down American before the match. Spike vs. Storm to start things off with the smaller dude taking over quickly. The fans want tables but other than that things are mostly silent. We’ve lost commentary for some reason and by the time that sentence is finished JR is back.

Off to Bubba who takes Lance down with a neckbreaker but Regal hits Bubba in the back of his recently concussed head to give Storm the advantage. Regal comes in as Kane arrives in the back. Everything breaks down and Spike ranas Storm off the top. Bubba catches the superkick from Storm and hits the Bubba Bomb. Spoke hits the Dudley Dog on Regal for the win and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was one of those matches that was too short to go anywhere of note. Regal and Storm as the Unamericans were a solid team but the gimmick was only going to go so far, especially with Test weighing them down as their third man. Nothing to see here and thankfully D-Von would reunite with Bubba the next month.

Storm kicks Bubba in the head post match and Spike gets hit in the ribs over and over by Regal’s brass knuckles.

Trish is having her picture taken and has to talk to the photographer about her match with Victoria from last night. Jericho and Christian pop up and call Trish a w****. Apparently Jericho thinks Trish wants him. Geez is this some extreme foreshadowing? I really doubt it.

Here’s Eric with something to say. He praises last night’s HIAC match with Brock vs. Taker (it really was good) but he’s going to top it. How is he going to do that? Something called the Elimination Chamber. No word on what that is yet.

Test vs. D’Lo Brown

Stacy is referee so she can wear a revealing outfit. Test looks like an idiot with long hair and short tights. Stacy slaps Brown and rings the bell. Test launches him over with a big backdrop and pounds away in the corner. Brown gets his feet up to block a charge followed by a flying forearm. Brown drops a leg but Stacy interferes again. The Sky High hits but Stacy is tying her shoe instead of counting. The big boot from Test and a fast count give the Canadian the win. Stacy jumps in Test’s arms post match.

Victoria says that she isn’t lying about Trish sleeping her way to the top. Victoria is still insane here. Goldust pops up behind her to make fun of her in a Dustyesque voice. Booker shows up as well to do the same, minus the American Dream part.

Trish Stratus/Booker T/Goldust vs. Victoria/Chris Jericho/Christian

Trish has her full entrance and look down now. Jericho and Christian are tag champions which I think I mentioned earlier. The girls brawl to start and Trish fires off her kicks in the corner. Victoria drop toeholds her onto the bottom rope and it’s off to Christian vs. Trish as the genders don’t have to match here. Booker comes in to make this a bit more fair for Christian. A forearm puts Christian down and a side kick gets two. Victoria and her awesome rack distracts Booker and the Canadians take over.

Off to Jericho who pounds away but gets caught in the spinning sunset flip out of the corner. The fans are way into Booker which is a good sign. It means HHH has someone to beat at Wrestlemania for no other reason than HHH wants to win at Wrestlemania. Back to Christian who takes Booker down so Jericho can hit a top rope knee drop.

A spinebuster takes Jericho down and it’s off to Goldust. He cleans the lower level of the house, hitting a middle rope bulldog for two on Jericho. Trish comes in with a cross body to Jericho and Goldust kisses Victoria. Booker and Christian take each other out and Jericho takes Trish down and finishes her with the Walls of Jericho.

Rating: D+. This started off as ok but boring and evolved into a messy comedy (I think?) match. There was nothing of note going on here which is the problem with Raw at this point: it isn’t terrible but there’s no interest in it at all. The tag titles meant nothing at all at this point and wouldn’t for a very long time. Thankfully we had the Smackdow tag titles established last night and they tore the house down for a long time.

Booker saves Jericho post match.

Terri is at Kane’s door and we cut to HHH who says roll the footage. I’m sure you’ve at least heard of this before. It’s of a funeral home with a date of 1992. Kane (clearly HHH in a Kane mask and t-shirt that wouldn’t be released for another 9 years) comes up to the casket and talks to the dead “body” of Katie Vick. It’s a mannequin if that’s not coming through. Kane (it’s HHH the entire segment so don’t get confused. I know this segment can make you stupid but hang with me here) says that if Katie had let him touch her in the car, this wouldn’t have happened.

The idea is that Kane was driving and crashed, killing Katie. Katie “talks” to Kane, saying that apparently now that she’s dead she wants Kane. Kane talks about getting excited watching Katie cheerlead and he fondles her chest which is mosaiced. This is supposed to be something like a hidden video of a sex tape. Kane takes his shirt off and starts undressing the mannequin. He takes off her underwear and says he loves the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Kane takes his jeans off and gets in the casket. Sounds are heard and we cut to shots of candles and flowers.

Usually I would give a long winded explanation of how awful this is for wrestling and how terrible it is, but I think the segment speaks for itself: it’s simulated necrophilia. I think that sums it up. When you look at the unemployment figures in this country, remember that someone came up with this idea and was paid to do so.

Al Snow vs. Tommy Dreamer

Singapore Cane match. We start with a cane duel and Snow gets in the first connecting shots to the legs. Out to the floor and Dreamer fires away more cane shots but Snow headbutts him down. Back in and Dreamer kicks Al low, followed by a missed cane shot from an interfering Nowitski to give Dreamer the pin. Nothing to see here.

Big Show vs. Rosey/Jamal/Rico

The big guys jump Show to start but he shoves all of them away with ease. The heavies are clotheslined to the floor and Show goes after Rico’s sideburns of doom. JR makes gay references about Rico and Show destroys more people. There’s a chokeslam to Jamal (Umaga) for the pin. Total squash for Show.

Post break Eric announces that Big Show has been traded to Smackdown. He would get the world title the next month over there. After Show leaves, Hurricane arrives (did he leave?) and stands in front of his own car. Ok then.

We get some clips of Shawn getting destroyed after his match with HHH at Summerslam. Shawn is in a wheelchair at The World (WWF New York) and says his rehab is going slowly. The final match he had with HHH can stand on its own merit as not only a great match but a tribute to God. HHH did indeed put him in a wheelchair like he said he would but Shawn vows vengeance and stands up. He’s coming for HHH again.

HHH/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

The good guys pound away on their respective feud partners (Van Dam beat Flair last night) in the corner and both heels get kicked in the face. Van Dam and Flair start and it’s the cartwheel moonsault to Naitch. A middle rope kick to the face puts him down again as HHH knocks Kane off the apron and it’s the barricade. Van Dan kicks the Game down but Flair breaks up the Five Star.

Van Dam gets sent into the post and seems to have hut his ankle. That gets two back inside as we’re finally into a normal tag team match. JR and King debate necrophilia, which isn’t something I expected I’d have to write. Off to Flair as JR is sounding ticked off. Flair and Van Dam slug it out but it’s off to HHH with the knee to the face. King tries to convince JR that necrophilia is funny but Captain Oklahoma isn’t convinced. HHH puts on the sleeper and Van Dam is in trouble.

The hold is broken and it’s off to Flair. Van Dam superkicks him down and Flair goes up and with JR verbally rolling his eyes, Flair gets slammed down. HHH comes in and beats on Van Dam, but Rob escapes and tags Kane. Never mind as the tag isn’t seen so it’s time to go back to the not interesting match.

Back in and Van Dam takes Flair down and makes the real tag. Kane cleans house as the announcers debate if necrophiliac and Hulkamaniac rhyme. This is what Raw has sunk to people. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched as Kane and HHH fight on the floor. They head up the ramp with HHH being rammed into the set. Van Dam kicks Flair in the face, hits Rolling Thunder and adds the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not only was the match not that good, but it was based on necrophilia. I can’t emphasize that enough: this feud is continuing because HHH dressed up like Kane and pretended to have sex with a mannequin representing a corpse. JR sounded legitimately angry in this match and can you blame him at all?

In the back Kane destroys HHH in the back and throws him into various metal objects. Hurricane is standing next to his car with the trunk open. HHH tries a Pedigree but gets catapulted onto the hood of the car. There’s a chokeslam onto the hood and Kane throws HHH into the trunk and slams it shut. Kane sends Hurricane away and says to the trunk, and I quote, “Now I’m going to screw you. The only question is will you still be alive, or will I just wait until you’re dead.” Kane drives away with HHH in the trunk to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Ignoring the white elephant on this show, it wasn’t a good episode. There weren’t any good matches and a lot of the stuff felt like it was there to fill in two hours. The Elimination Chamber was mentioned but after the announcement it was barely mentioned again. This show was based around one of the stupidest stories of all time and it’s even worse than it seemed at the time. It’s in poor taste, it’s not funny, and it makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Terrible show.

 

 

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On This Day: October 20, 2002 – No Mercy 2002: Lesnar vs. Undertaker Inside The Cell

No Mercy 2002
Date: October 20, 2002
Location: Alltel Arena, North Little Rock, Arkansas
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was requested by someone and I can’t remember who. In name only this seems like a weak card but it’s actually pretty stacked. We have HHH vs. Kane in a title unification match, the match of the year with Edge/Mysterio vs. Benoit/Angle for the first Smackdown tag titles and Hell in a Cell with Lesnar vs. Taker. Let’s get to it.

Nothing special in the opening video. THERE WILL BE NO MERCY! Yeah that’s all they’ve got.

Raw Tag Titles: Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust

The Canadians have the titles. Four separate entrances here which is kind of odd. Christian and Jericho just won the belts this past week on Raw. Booker vs. Christian starts us off. Christian is a glorified lower card guy at this point having been more or less completely left in the dust by Edge despite him having a title and Edge not at the moment. It sounds odd but it’s completely true.

Flying hips to the face of the Canadians keep Goldust in control. Jericho gets a middle rope dropkick as that first little bit was kind of quickly done and not in a good way. The fans are way behind Booker T. Goldust avoids a Christian dropkick and gets a rollup for two followed by a powerslam. No tag though as I guess he’s playing the face in peril here. Before I finished that sentence Booker comes in.

Apparently Booker and Jericho are feuding at this point so there’s your reasoning for the match I guess. You knew it wasn’t just because they’re both good tag teams right? Booker dominates for the most part here as he’s the hottest thing in the match and would get a title shot at Mania.

Back over to Goldust who hits Shattered Dreams on Christian and continues to abuse the balls of Christian by getting a drop toehold onto Jericho to send him into his partner’s crotch. Axe kick to Jericho gets two as Christian saves. Booker gets the missile dropkick and it’s Spinarooni time. Jericho goes for his running springboard dropkick but the ropes break. Well doesn’t that suck. Jericho bulldogs Goldust onto a title belt and hits a moonsault off the top to retain.

Rating: C-. You can’t hold the ropes breaking against them here but this match wasn’t very entertaining. It’s ok but it really is a Raw match with a bit more time on PPV. It wasn’t much at all with Goldust and Booker being a glorified comedy team as this is a backdrop for the Booker vs. Jericho feud which I’m never a fan of. Not terrible though.

Funaki, Smackdown NUMBER ONE announcer, is with Al Wilson. This was during the Dawn Marie marries Al Wilson to tick off Torrie. This resulted in Al “dying” and Dawn making out with Torrie in a lesbian/semi-incest angle that was insanely hot but irritating at the same time. This is WAY too long as they show a bunch of clips but they have to fix the ring so we have hot women to look at I guess. It results in a Bill Clinton joke of all things.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

They’re not even called Divas all the time yet. Sweet GOODNESS Cole looks toolish here. The girls look great though. Torrie drills her to start and it’s on early. This is when the girls were just AWFUL in the ring. It’s this era and the next 2-3 years where the bad stereotypes come from. Torrie kept getting ring time and looked like a rookie in her first match for the better part of three years.

Dawn drops a head into the crotch of Torrie and Tazz wonders if that actually hurts. This is just freaking terrible. Rolling catfight spot as this is going nowhere at all. They can’t even do clotheslines right. YOU STICK YOUR ARM OUT. Why is this getting extended time??? Finally Torrie wins with a swinging neckbreaker.

Rating: D-. Girls looking this hot can’t be a failure. That’s all it’s got going for it though and I want to get away from it as fast as I can.

RVD says Flair is awesome and lists off some catchphrases of Naitch. He even struts and woos and does his own version of the limousine riding bit. It’s MUCH funnier than it sounds and it helps that Flair is a walking cartoon character.

In the same shot we see Brock and Heyman showing up and they have no comment. There’s also a decent looking woman named Tracy that is accusing Taker of being a cheater in his marriage. Actually that’s true but who cares about reality?

Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam

Flair is heel here and Evolution isn’t quite formed yet but would show up on February 3 of the following year (no I’m not that big of a geek. That’s my birthday). At Unforgiven (JR says Vengeance) Flair turned heel and hit RVD in the stomach with a sledgehammer to save HHH’s title. They go at it on the floor for a bit and Flair’s shoulder goes into the post before the bell rings.

Or has the match started already? Top rope dropkick hits Flair as the bell rings. Ok so it hadn’t started yet. Flair is only 53 here so he’s still a young dude in theory I guess. Flair takes out the knee and we’re officially in the Flair Formula. The main talking point is that Van Dam said he flies coach in the prematch promo. Lawler will not shut up about it and it’s kind of annoying. Yes Lawler is getting annoying. I’m stunned too.

The standard Flair beating goes on for a LONG time. And now we’re talking about the Tracy girl. Well sure why not. We get to the Figure Four after maybe three minutes and naturally it doesn’t end the thing since Flair is a heel and he loses the ability to win with a submission. Van Dam makes his comeback as this is borderline predictable.

Ross slips in his more time on the canvas than Rembrandt line as Flair is slammed off the top. Rolling Thunder gets two as Flair gets a foot on the ropes. And then there’s the Five Star to actually end it. It’s kind of weird to see Flair just jobbing cleanly like that. Most odd indeed.

Rating: D+. You’ve seen it once and you’ve seen it 1000 times. And yes I know how ironic that is given the last thing I said about the ending. This again belonged on Raw and not here but that’s typical for the most part. This went nowhere for the most part as Flair at least is almost good for putting someone over. Pretty weak match though.

Show is talking to Stephanie and Bischoff comes up to complain about it. Show wanted to leave Raw but Eric wouldn’t let him. He would be there by Survivor Series and a heel under Heyman’s leadership.

Since the IC Title dies tonight we get a video package on the history of the title. Cool stuff.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble

Noble is champion here. Tajiri was the referee in a Noble/Nidia match on Smackdown for no apparent reason so Noble beat him up afterwards. Tajiri gets a baseball slide before the bell rings as that’s a running theme lately. Asai Moonsault hits and that’s about the extent of Tajiri’s offense for awhile.

Nice electric chair by Noble gets two. Pretty much domination by the champion so far. Tazz and Cole imply these three are in a three way relationship or something but that never went anywhere. The commentary is far more sexual in nature than what you would be used to in WWE today.

Jamie gets knocked off the top rope as he tries a suplex so Tajiri gets to miss a moonsault now. He does get a tornado DDT but doesn’t cover for no apparent reason. Both guys down now. Both guys up now. Tajiri unleashes that martial arts rush which is always awesome. Handspring elbow has Jamie in big trouble. German suplex gets two.

There’s the Tarantula and Jamie is reeling. Big kick misses and the Tiger Bomb is countered. There’s the kick and Nidia kisses the referee so he can’t make the count. And there’s the Tiger Bomb for two which is surprising. Tajiri goes for a victory roll but Nidia trips him so Jamie can dive into it for the Owen Hart at Mania X pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here and at least they allowed Tajiri to get in more offense than it looked like he was going to get. It’s nothing great or anything like that but this was definitely watchable and the whole thing worked pretty well. It’s a shame no one cared about this or it might have been interesting.

Tajiri kisses her post match. Noble kisses her too. Tajiri kicks the living heck out of him while he does though.

Benoit is looking for Eddie and says that Angle is kicking Chavo’s teeth in at the moment. Eddie goes off to find him and Benoit follows. Eddie finds the door they’re behind and makes noises with his mouth. Eddie thinks Benoit is faking so that Angle can take him down.

It’s clearly Chavo yelling but Eddie says that sounds like a little girl. And then Angle throws Chavo through the door. This was…..uh yeah. Apparently they did the same thing on Smackdown and Angle was suckering Eddie in. Out of context this is nuts but that makes sense.

We recap the monster Kane face push that resulted him in being the IC Champion and getting the shot at HHH here because it’s winner take all since WWE decided there was going to be one title per show for no apparent reason at all. Kane talked about being all happy for the first time in his life. And then, HHH asked Kane about Katie Vick.

Yes it’s THAT Katie Vick. The idea was that there was some chick that Kane knew (despite allegedly being burned horribly and never knowing anyone but Paul Bearer). He drove her home one night and they wrecked, killing her. Then HHH went to a funeral home and simulated sex with a mannequin while wearing a Kane mask, implying that Kane raped her corpse. This might be the lowest the company ever got.

Raw World Title/Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Kane

Since Lesnar had gone to Smackdown as the Undisputed Champion the World Heavyweight Championship had been made for HHH as the Raw title. That was last month so the ending is pretty clear here. We hear the stupid line of that title dating back to 1904 (it was 1905 until they decided it was 04 when HHH got it) which is complete nonsense.

In short, the NWA Title was unified with a title that dated back to 1905. That title LOOKS like the NWA Title so it has the same lineage. That’s the extent of the WWE’s logic. Lawler says Kane needs Liquid Courage to face HHH. Well it would certainly help him with his covers. And now onto the match.

Kane pushes him around to start and then drills HHH. An amusing thing here is that Lawler keeps calling Kane the Animal. Batista was either already on Smackdown or would be debuting any week now. I think he’s already there though. All Kane so far. He beats on HHH for about the first three minutes more or less non stop. HHH gets a bad reverse neckbreaker to take Kane down. Naturally he sits up to take care of that.

Facebuster buys HHH some time and he sends Kane to the floor. Back in the ring and HHH hits another neckbreaker. Make that three. Dang he sticks to stuff he likes doesn’t he? Ross says if Kane wins he’ll be the first masked World’s Heavyweight Champion. I guess they’re pushing that whole separate titles thing. Spinebuster puts Kane down again.

HHH keeps up the offense on the neck and throat with a slingshot up into the middle rope to keep Kane down even longer. Off to a sleeper now and Kane is reeling. Down he goes as Lawler makes death jokes. Those are pretty creepy actually. This match is pretty plodding and not much is going on here at all. Sidewalk Slam by Kane gets no cover as he’s broken the sleeper and is in control again.

Top rope clothesline hits and here’s Ric Flair because a title match can’t be clean right? Down goes the referee and Flair won’t leave. What a shocker. Belt to Kane’s face gets a two without much drama at all. Hurricane, Kane’s partner, comes out and beats up Flair but walks into a Pedigree. Kane sits up and it’s on again.

HHH comes off the middle and top rope and neither of them work. Chokeslam is blocked and down goes the referee again. To the floor now and HHH takes a chokeslam through the Spanish Announce Table. Flair comes in with the sledgehammer but Kane stops it. HHH gets a low blow and a hammer shot but walks into a chokeslam. Flair (again) breaks up the pin and takes a chokeslam as a result. Back in and HHH hits the Pedigree to retain and retire the IC Title.

Rating: D. This more or less is what would happen in Raw World Title matches for the vast majority of the next year and a half. HHH would get dominated by a big guy but then Flair and the sledgehammer would come into play and HHH would of course retain. Kane more or less was done for a good while after this as he didn’t get to do anything because it was world title or nothing. That was the stupid part of the whole thing but it took about 9 months for them to realize it. The match sucked due to all of the garbage in it though.

Stephanie talks to the Tracy girl about the Undertaker thing and she admits Heyman made the whole thing up and she’s just going along with it. They had a relationship before he married Taker. This is “confidentially between the two of them.” I guess the camera means nothing.

We recap the tag team tournament and basically the two teams have been flying through the whole thing and are unstoppable. If Benoit and Angle fight they’re both suspended for a year.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Edge vs. Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle

This was the undisputed match of the year so this more or less has to be awesome. Edge is about as hot as possible here and Rey is pretty new here. Yeah he had been around only three months or so here. Edge is just straight up awesome here and the whole thing is just greatness. Angle vs. Rey to start us off. We have what, about 25 world titles in there? Angle takes him to the mat and slaps him in the back of the head to be a jerk.

Kurt is really the only heel in this match. He literally throws Rey into his own corner because he wants a grownup apparently. Rey won’t tag out though because he wants Angle. They had a great opener at Summerslam so this works for me. Rey can’t get out of much of anything so he steps on Kurt’s foot and hits him with what can only be called an FU.

He busts out the speed and slaps Angle in the back of the head just like Kurt did earlier. The announce table being in pieces is funny for some reason. Here’s Edge to a big old pop. This is before Edge hurt his neck so he’s a totally different worker here. Off to Benoit now. Expect a LOT of play by play here as if the reviews I’ve heard are any indication there isn’t going to be much to make fun of.

The Canadians do a much more technical sequence and it’s a lot more entertaining than you would think a side headlock should be. Edge gets a knee to Benoit’s ribs and focuses on them for a while. Flapjack and a rollup get two. And there’s a knee from Kurt as Edge hits the ropes to give Benoit an advantage. They try the same thing again but Edge spears him this time.

Benoit and Angle double team Edge in a very nice sequence. Back to Angle now. The fans are all over him which is always good to hear. Better for them to be making noise at all than to be bored. Rear naked choke to Edge and Rey is getting antsy. Tazz adds in something by saying Angle is making sure Edge is facing his partner to mess with his head. Nicely done Mr. suplex machine.

Edge gets a big boot but walks into a belly to belly for two and here’s Chris again. Here are the rolling Germans as Edge is getting the tar beaten out of him. Benoit goes a little heel by drilling Rey to keep him from making the save. Benoit goes up for the headbutt and down he comes off a big old superplex.

There’s the big tag to Rey and he cranks things WAY up. The good thing is that he’s in there against two guys that can do the same thing. He sets Benoit for a Bronco Buster but goes with a running dropkick instead. HUH-FREAKING-ZAH! Rey and Benoit crank things up ever more but Benoit gets a counter and hooks up the Crossface until Edge finally saves.

Edge vs. Angle on the floor along with Benoit and Rey in the ring. 619 is blocked by Benoit but Edge hits a missile dropkick to drive Rey onto Benoit for a long two. This is all happening at a very fast pace. Rey goes up but Angle JUMPS from the mat to the top for the HUGE belly to belly off the top for another long two. Benoit’s face is like WHAT at that.

Angle in now vs. Rey as things slow down a bit. Rey starts a bit of a comeback but gets caught in a quick suplex and crashes for two. Back to the short and crazy Canadian now. After more of a beating Rey gets a headscissors to send Benoit into the post and we get double tags to bring in Edge vs. Kurt. Edge-O-Matic gets two and everyone is back in again.

Spear in the corner to Benoit and there’s the Bronco Buster. I withdraw my former HUZZAH! Spear in the corner again to Angle and Edge sits him on the middle rope. Rey runs at Edge who throws him into the air for a big old rana. Benoit looks to save with the diving headbutt but it crushes Angle and only gets two. Angle busts out a German from nowhere for two. He shouts at Edge to go to the middle which Edge does.

In a VERY nice spot, Rey runs at Edge who belly to bellies him into Angle to take down the bald one. That’s what he gets for calling spots that loudly. Benoit saves the spear and grabs the Crossface and Edge is in trouble but he gets a rope. He won’t let go so Rey hits a 619 out of somewhere. Angle Slam takes out Rey and Angle locks on the ankle lock.

Edge kicks off and grabs a small package for two. Spear gets two as Benoit saves and Rey takes out Benoit. Rey gets a running start at Edge again and Edge catches him and gives him a very nice launch into a moonsault to take out Benoit. SICK counter out of the Edgecution by Angle into the ankle lock. Edge counters that into an ankle lock of his own but Angle is all like OH NO YOU DIDN’T and counters into an ankle lock for the tap out and the titles. Sweet goodness as Cole says he’s going to applaud them for it.

Rating: A+. OH YES. Now this is what you get when you have two teams out there that are young and moving as fast as they can to make something look awesome. Smackdown was supposed to be the wrestling show back then and it certainly was.

These four plus Brock and Eddie were known as the Smackdown Six and were more or less there to have great matches every week. This is another fine example of it and it worked like a charm. Great match with some INSANE counters and saves and double teaming. Go watch it. Like now.

A doctor tells Taker that he shouldn’t give Taker a shot in the broken hand/wrist that he has. Nice to see him getting this maybe 15 minutes before the match starts.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Sweet merciful goodness Trish looks amazingly good tonight. She’s in her standard stuff but the blue with the long blonde hair and the big smile is WORKING. Victoria is currently known as Tara in TNA. Total bring the crowd down match after the awesome match they just had. Victoria is a bit more hardcore than the rest of the Divas. Trish was pretty good in the ring by this point and can more than carry herself.

You can tell that Trish has talent as she’s not afraid to go after Victoria here and clearly looks comfortable out there doing what she’s doing. When you watch the Divas today for the most part they clearly have to stop and make sure they’re doing everything right. With Trish like most of the male wrestlers, you can see she’s mostly going on instinct which is the better way of doing things.

Victoria in control here as she hits a front flip slingshot legdrop and then botches the living heck out of a monkey flip to the extent that Trish landed on Victoria rather than hitting the mat. Victoria throws on an old school backbreaker which is the kind where they throw the other girl over her shoulder and pulls down. A big spinning sideslam gets no cover so Trish gets an electric chair drop for two. Chick Kick gets two before a neckbreaker and rollup end it.

Rating: D. This was just there but the sloppiness of it hurt things. Trish was getting a lot better but still wasn’t as great as she would get. Victoria wasn’t a character yet and was just a bit nuts and said that Trish slept her way to the top of the fitness modeling world. She would get the title the next month in a hardcore match. This was pretty much nothing.

Post match Victoria kicks the blonde’s head off.

We get a clip of Rikishi being thrown off the top of the Cell in 2000. Rikishi is at the World (WWE nightclub/restaurant) and says the match is no joke. He predicts Taker wins it.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Taker vs. Lesnar. They had a match at Unforgiven where Taker lost by DQ when he threw Brock through the set. In short he just didn’t want to put Lesnar over so they gave them two matches in a row. Lesnar has been champion for two months here so this is his second major title defense. Brock broke Taker’s hand and we threw in that Tracy chick who meant nothing apparently. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

In the Cell remember. Taker keeps lunging at Brock and gets taken to the mat for his trouble. Big powerslam gets two for the champion and there’s the cast to Lesnar’s ribs after he misses a charge in the corner. Brock tries to escape but can’t get out so he hammers on the arm instead. He goes with an armbar which isn’t something you often see in a Cell match.

Taker blasts him in the head with it which is a double edged sword. Actually it’s a hard cast but you get the metaphor. Brock is busted BAD. Heyman is all freaked out. Brock is bleeding but there’s been worse in ECW so I guess he’s mellowed. They hit the floor and Taker beats the tar out of him and covers on the floor for two. You can do that? I don’t remember that before.

More cast shots which all of a sudden don’t hurt him. I guess he’s lucky that the shot he got kicked in sometime between the first big shot with it and this set of them. Lesnar gets put in place for the apron legdrop but Taker goes up and drops a knee (I think) from the top instead for two on the floor again. Heyman shouts at Brock to get away from Taker. Taker kicks Heyman through the cage in a nice shot.

He follows that up by grabbing Paul’s tie and pulling on it to slam him into the cage. Taker gets out of the way of a charging Brock who crashes into Heyman too. Dang he’s taken a beating tonight. Brock gets a good shot in though and sends him into the cage. Heyman is busted open too. He slips his belt in and ties Taker up with it so Lesnar can annihilate him a bit. Heyman shouting YOU’RE GONNA DIE is great stuff.

Lesnar, a 300lb beast, swings a chair about ten times to drill Taker’s hand each time. So in other words, Taker is probably in need of major surgery now on it. Let’s see if it hurts at all. Brock gets the cast off or at least tries to. Heyman sounds demonic out there. There goes the cast completely as they’re actually in the ring now.

In a cool spot, Brock sits him on the top rope and uses the top of the cage to lift himself up and throw kicks at Taker. Taker blocks a superplex despite being more or less dead. He knocks Lesnar to the mat and manages to drop an elbow off the top with the right hand and seems to be just fine. Shocking isn’t it? I’m not used to seeing Taker’s bare hand. Taker kicks Brock into the cage and has momentum again.

Taker dives through the ropes and more or less completely misses but Brock sells it anyway. Cole thinks Taker’s broken right hand could be a weakness for him. Wow indeed. Steps to the head take Taker down again and busts him open. More steps to the head and Taker is more or less done. His face is COVERED in blood.

Back in the ring Brock gets a big spinebuster for two. ZERO pop for the kickout. And naturally Taker is able to throw big right hands and is “running on adrenaline” apparently. Oh give me a break. The blood on the camera is always a nice touch. Old School is blocked and Brock takes over again. Tazz: Undertaker has never been pinned or submitted. What the heck is this guy on?

F5 is reversed into a chokeslam for two which gets a bigger pop than the kickout did a minute ago. Brock goes for a Last Ride and is reversed. DDT gets two. Sweet GOODNESS Taker is bleeding badly. Brock does the punches in the corner which Taker counters with the Last Ride for two as Brock’s bloody hand grabs the rope.

In something SICK on the cover, Taker’s blood drips onto Brock’s face. That’s not good at all and really isn’t safe in the slightest. That’s a big reason as to why the blood policy is a good thing. Taker goes for the Tombstone and Brock is like screw this let’s end it and counters it before literally throwing Taker onto his shoulders for the F5 to retain. We then get what is supposed to be an iconic scene as he grabs the title and climbs to the top of the Cell where he holds it over his head to end the show.

Rating: C. Hard one to call here as the match itself is more or less crap. It’s about 27 minutes long and at least 15 of that is spent on the floor. Taker’s hand thing was eye rolling levels of stupid as all of a sudden a shot is able to heal 5 chair shots from Brock Lesnar to a broken hand. Brock looked great here, but the main reason this is a decent grade is the blood.

If you like bloody matches, RUN out and find a copy of this show. Taker’s blood is absolutely insane as you can’t see his face and it looks like there’s a hole in his forehead. It’s a big brawl but Taker was really looking bad out there, both from how his face looked to how he was working. I didn’t like the match, but the blood was insane.

Overall Rating
: D+. This isn’t quite a one match show but it’s very close. The tag match is required viewing, but other than that there isn’t anything absolutely worth seeing. The Cell match is a very case by case basis of whether or not you should watch it. Other than that though everything here is very hit or miss and nothing you couldn’t find anywhere with relative ease. This show isn’t terrible, but it’s not very good. Tag title match is absolutely worth seeing though. Other than that, not really worth it.

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On This Day: October 18, 1998 – In Your House #18: Judgment Day: McMahon’s Dream Comes True

In Your House 25: Judgment Day
Date: October 18, 1998
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Attendance: 18,153
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

So we’re just three weeks (dang it happened back then too) from Breakdown and your two main things are as follows: there is no WWF Champion. After the double pin last month, Vince said that the title is vacant. The following night on Raw, Vince tried to have a ceremony but Austin interrupted with a Zamboni, (the thing used to smooth ice) and attacked Vince.

Vince announced Taker and Kane with Austin as referee for Judgment Day. Taker and Kane broke his ankle because of it. HHH was stripped of the IC Title because he hurt his knee and Shamrock won a tournament for it. D’lo got the European Title back too.

Standard opening, but they get a little insane by having a missile go off with the words WWF on the side. A bit intense don’t you think?

Al Snow vs. Marc Mero

Snow continues to get big pops and I have no freaking idea why they didn’t push him as something. He was over and could work a good match. Oh that’s right, Vince didn’t come up with the gimmick so it wouldn’t have worked. I can’t stand him sometimes. Anyway there’s no point to this match so it should be better than most on this show. Jeff Jarrett joins us as he and Snow had been fighting lately.

He’s gone in all of 2 minutes though so that was a fairly pointless thing. This is a decent opening match with the best line being Al Snow is so dumb his dentist says his wisdom teeth are stupid. It’s exactly what you would expect here as they go back and forth a bit with Mero missing the SSP (by a freaking mile. Seriously he completely missed.) Snow gets rolled up and his shoulder is so clearly off the mat it’s awful but he’s counted anyway for two. TKO gets reversed into the Snow Plow to end it.

Rating: B-. It was a short opener so what more did you want from it? Not a bad match but just ok. Jarrett made no sense with the run in at the beginning so that part was a waste of time. Mero of course sucked a bit and Snow was good as always. I’ll never get how Snow wasn’t a bigger star than Mero was. I simply don’t get it.

Austin is shown coming into the arena and having to dress in the referee’s locker room. Slaughter has to be the most useless man in wrestling history.

DOA vs. LOD

This is a twist as it’s a 6 man with Droz and Ellering in the ring. That’s fun as I now have 6 reasons to hate this match instead of just 4. Hawk has admitted his “demons” which is the bad storyline that I’ve been referencing. The LOD with regular haircuts just do not work at all. They’re the hometown boys though so the pops are……..pretty mild actually. They exist but it’s nothing solid.

Droz actually looks the most like an original LOD member. He also busts out a jumping reverse elbow which is one of my all time favorite moves. This is a fairly short match with the LOD dominating for the most part. Hawk looks fine for someone with an addiction problem but oh well. Anyway, Ellering does next to nothing as was expected. Eventually the Doomsday Device is hit, resulting in Droz stealing the pin. Hawk isn’t happy.

Rating: C+. It’s very short and an overdone feud that wasn’t interesting, but it wasn’t a bad match. Droz was better than I remember him being but he was ok at least. He had a unique look which helped him out a lot, making him look more like the LOD than the LOD> Not a terrible match, but nothing that wouldn’t fit on a Raw.

Christian vs. Taka Michinoku

Christian has his cocky walk going already here even as a rookie. This is going to be a much happier review as I just finished seeing my boy Punk get the WHC back. Anyway, this match yet again shows what’s wrong with this division in two parts. Number one, Taka has been champion ten months now. That’s too long for what’s supposed to be a fast paced division and WAY too long for an inaugural champion.

Second, and this is the most important of the problems, they’re wrestling a heavyweight style. The big spot here is a crossbody block. Ricky Steamboat used that for years and he’s certainly a heavyweight wrestler. Sting used to use it. See what I mean? In a division like this, I want all kinds of flips and top rope moves and dives etc. CM Punk, who is the NEW WHC I might add, is more of a light heavyweight than Taka was.

Christian wrestles a heavyweight style as well. See how this is a problem? Anyway, Christian reverses the driver (what small guy uses a piledriver anyway?) into a rollup for the pin and the title as Edge looks on from the crowd.

Rating: C-. It was way too short, there weren’t enough high flying moves, and no one knew who Christian was at t the time. It gets a passing grade simply because it ended the mind numbing Taka reign which went on about 8 months too long and killed the division before it ever got off the ground. Not a great match, but passable I suppose.

Venis and Goldust are recapped, leading to…

Val Venis vs. Goldust

Before the match Goldust hijacks Val’s mic so he can’t do his shtick. That’s a nice little thing that plays up to Goldust and the psychological games. Anyway, apparently dressing in gold is quite intimidating these days as the guy that Val destroyed last month now scares him. Ok then. Anyway, it’s a pretty standard match here and Val uses a diving cross body and does it better than Taka did. See what I mean about the boring moves?

One thing I really don’t like about this match is that they use too many rest holds and they spend too much time with them. Things like that slow down the match and just suck all of the life out of the crowd. Anyway, the main thing is that Terri is on the floor and still wearing her wedding ring despite Val making out with her earlier. During the match Goldust’s glove comes off and he’s still wearing his ring as well.

Other than that, there’s not a lot to say about this match as while it’s entertaining there’s not much going on in it. Finally Terri gets involved as we know this is the finish. Val almost hits her and walks into a low blow for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was a pretty standard match but yet again that doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. It’s ok with both guys being solid in the ring to make this a decent enough match. It’s nothing mind blowing, but it’s perfectly acceptable wrestling.

We’re told that Shamrock has beaten up HHH and injured his knee again and HHH is in the hospital. X-Pac says he’ll deal with Shamrock tomorrow but tonight he’s getting the worthless title tonight.

European Title: X-Pac vs. D’lp Brown

Brown is from Milan, Italy now which is a little touch I always liked from some of the champions. Apparently the Nation has finally broken up which I can’t say is a bad thing. It ran its course and has split, which is how it was supposed to go. Now I’ve never been a fan of X-Pac but I like this match quite a bit for some bizarre reason. It’s solid all the way up until the ending where it just completely dies for me.

These guys go back and forth with Brown using my favorite counter as he just raises his foot up to stop the Bronco Buster. They hammer the heck out of each other and with the guys of smaller size working together, the match works much better than most of what Pac does. Brown just can’t put him away and I’m actually getting into it a bit.

Mark Henry, who is suing Chyna for sexual harassment, comes down to the ring for no apparent reason, allowing X-Pac to get hit with the belt. Brown hits a bunch of big moves but Pac keeps kicking out. Eventually he goes up top for the splash but Pac is up already.

Now for the stupid part. He dives face first and lands in the X-Factor. WHY WOULD HE JUMP LIKE THAT? What was he going for? It makes no sense and exposes the match, which just makes things bad. Hate the ending as it ruins what was otherwise a good match.

Rating: B-. If the ending was good, this would be a B or maybe even a B+. I really liked the flow here despite my disdain for Sean Waltman. Everything had a nice flow to it but of course we couldn’t just have a clean finish. We just had to have the interference and the belt shot and the ridiculous looking ending didn’t we? Just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Paul Bearer might be in Taker’s locker room.

Tag Titles: Headbangers vs. New Age Outlaws

This started when Road Dogg had a boom box broken over his head. Outlaws are WAY over here as no one wanted to see the bald guys win again. They hadn’t done anything in forever and they weren’t any good to begin with. Why would we want to see them as champions again, or even for the first time. The problem here is that there is absolutely no heat on this match at all.

It’s all about the Outlaws and no one wants to see the Bangers do anything. Gunn gets beaten on for a good while and they use an arm bar on him late in the match. Ross thinks that’s not a good move and he’s right. Seriously, an arm bar? Why not a Saskatchewan Spinning Nerve Hold? Or maybe an ARM BAR? If that doesn’t work, you could try an ARM DRAG. As a final solution though, I’d go with an ARM BAR.

Now that my bad Chris Jericho impression is over, let’s continue with the match. Yeah it sucks. We keep waiting on the hot tag but it never comes. They set Gunn for their finisher but Road Dogg blasts one in the head with a boom box for the DQ and the biggest and I think only pop of the whole match. Why did he have a boom box there? I don’t know, I guess because he felt like it.

Rating: C-. The Outlaws were solid faces here while the team they were against just plain sucked. I don’t get the appeal to this team and I never have. What was so amazing about them that I’m just not seeing? They were ok and that’s pushing it. No one thought they were winning here and this was the last feud they had.

Mankind cuts a very funny promo bashing Shamrock and talking to Mr. Socko.

IC Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind

No real reason for this other than one is a big face and the other wants to be a big heel. Shamrock had won the belt Monday so he’s just not going to lose here. Mankind is 6’4??? When in the world did that happen? According to JR at least he is, but I always thought Foley was more around the 6’2 range. Edge and Orton are 6’4, and I think they’re both fairly taller than Foley is. This starts off with Shamrock just beating the tar out of Foley with strikes and punches.

Foley gets little offense in as usual and of course makes Ken look like a million bucks which Shamrock couldn’t do if his life depended on it. That’s where Foley truly shines and this is no exception. However he gets the claw on for all of one second and it’s enough to bring the match to a screeching halt. The commentators are talking about how Foley is a loveable idiot that is doing nothing but trying to please Mr. McMahon but is constantly ridiculed and manipulated by him.

For some reason the chair shot by Shamrock is completely ignored. The comeback is on as Foley uses the same offense he always uses and still makes it look good either way. All of his big moves are hit ranging from the Cactus Clothesline to the corner punches to the double arm DDT.

Shamrock gets the ankle lock on him but instead of tapping, Mankind puts the claw on himself, knocking himself unconscious. Shamrock hears this and snaps, beating up the referee and Mankind until other referees come out, allowing Mankind to put the claw on him and limp away.

Rating: B+. This was exactly the way this match should have been. Both guys worked pretty hard out there with Shamrock not actually beating Mankind but winning anyway. Foley made him look good which was likely what his instructions were. Good match but not great.

Cole tries to see Vince but Bossman doesn’t like the idea.

Rock vs. Mark Henry

This is fallout from the Nation’s split I suppose, not to mention a beatdown they gave Rock on Monday. Henry has a poem for Chyna. The pops for Rock are there and they would never leave again. The classic style is there too as the Rock has finally arrived. The commentators do nothing but talk about how big Henry is. Did you know he’s a big man and a former Olympian? Rock uses his normal stuff which works well against big men like Henry.

He shows some unusual power for himself by suplexing the big fat waste of 3 people’s skin. Soon thereafter Henry is beating him down to lead to a comeback. With D’lo’s help Henry survives the elbow and a splash finishes the Rock. I know it’s short but the match is five minutes and two seconds long. How much can I really say about it?

Rating: C. The shortness hurt this one and it hurt it bad. There’s no need to make this match just five minutes long. I know that Henry was limited in the ring and still is today and that Rock wasn’t ready for a main event spot yet but he could do more than 5 minutes. I even get Rock losing here, but not that fast. The time is the main thing here as it just takes a lot away from what could have been an ok match.

Massive recap and blah.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Kane

Austin is the ref and if he doesn’t do things right he’s fired as we’ve been over already. Austin of course is the biggest star in the whole match as is expected here. If you’ve seen one match from these two you’ve seen them all and this one isn’t particularly great as Taker is more of a heel. It’s more of two big guys fighting instead of Taker against Kane in one of their epic struggles.

It’s a slow pace which is what you would expect from these guys, but there’s no burst of high speed offense like there are in the other matches. Austin really is reserved here as we all know it’s just building to the big deal with him in the finish. It was kind of obvious to me that something would keep there from being a straight new champion crowned here.

Your psychology here is that Kane’s knee gets worked over the whole match. Since this is the Attitude Era though, it has no bearing at all on the end of the match. As they fight, Kane starts beating up Austin for no reason at all. Chokeslam puts him down long enough for Bearer to come out and turn on him as he joins Taker all over again. Anyway, Austin sees him blast Kane with the chair and refuses to make the count.

He stuns Taker (who staggers around and never falls) before chairing him. Austin counts three on both men then declares himself the winner. He goes to the back to find Vince but Vince appears as the Titantron is raised after Austin returns and fires him as he breaks out the catch phrase for the first time. Austin says to play his music and has a beer bash to end the show.

The next night would be the famous Austin’s Got A Gun show where he is stalking Vince all night and Vince wets himself as the gun says Bang 3:16 to end the show. Shane would rehire him but for no good reason at all screw him over weeks later. Why rehire them just to screw them instead of just letting him stay fired? God bless kayfabe.

Rating: B-. It was ok but once again this was more about the angle than about the title. I like a lot of what Russo did but I will never agree with his stance on titles being just props. It should mean something to be the World Heavyweight Champion.

I get that Austin was the biggest star on the planet but it makes the title look weaker. Never once been a fan of that and never will be. As for the match it’s one of Taker and Kane’s weakest entries but that’s because it wasn’t about their rivalry as they were just two guys fighting over a belt.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a pretty solid show I think from a wrestling standpoint. However, it kind of falls flat at the end as the final moments meant nothing since Austin would be in the tournament at the Survivor Series the following month.

The show serves as a good lead in to the Deadly Game tournament but other than that it’s just not there. While the in ring work is pretty good, there’s no substance as far as storylines go which drops this pretty far in my eyes. It does feature 5 title matches, but the European and IC matches are the only ones I really liked. It’s a decent show but don’t expect too much. Rated just slightly above average.

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Monday Night Raw – January 15, 2001: A Good Show Before A Great One

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2001
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 13,936
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We continue on the Road to the Royal Rumble here as this is the final Raw until the show. Austin is of course the hottest thing in the world at this point and is on the verge of winning his record setting third Rumble. Also we’re looking at Angle trying to hold onto the title as he gets ready to face HHH on Sunday. This should be fun though so let’s get to it.

After a brief tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. we’re ready to go. The holiday was around this time remember.

Rock/Taker vs. Kane/Rikishi later tonight.

Hardy Boys/Lita vs. Right to Censor

It’s Ivory, Venis and Richards here. WOW that siren is annoying. Ivory issued a challenge to Chyna on Heat the previous night which would result in Chyna actually losing to her at the Rumble. Val and Jeff start us off here. Jeff of course outmaneuvers Val with ease to take over. Off to Matt and it’s all Team Extreme to start. Spin Cycle (a weird double suplex kind of move) from the Hardys to Val.

Side slam by Richards gets two for Matt. Only the girls in this didn’t wind up in TNA at some point. I’m not sure what that says but I don’t think it’s good. JR and the King get to make fun of the RTC which is a parody of the PTC which was a major thorn in the side of Vince because they didn’t like what was on TV so they talked about it incessantly. Double suplex gets two for Steven.

Matt fights him off and gets a middle rope legdrop for two. Good thing that didn’t happen today or Steven would be buried under the ring. Off to Jeff who cleans house. The fans want Lita and Ivory accidentally tags herself in. Litarana to Val and a spear to Ivory. Ivory tries to run but Chyna throws her back into Lita and a Twist of Fate to end it.

Rating: C+. Formula based but fun match here. Both teams worked pretty fast paced and the RTC didn’t drag this out somehow. Not a great match or anything but for an opener this was fine. Chyna coming out for the save helped a lot as there was limited point to having Lita vs. Ivory. Fun match to start the show.

Chyna accepts the challenge.

Stephanie and HHH arrive.

We get a clip from Smackdown of Austin destroying Edge/Christian and the Dudleys.

Here’s HHH for a little chat. Stephanie looking good in a black leather dress. HHH talks about how he hears the same thing everywhere he goes. Everyone says to him to take care of the Game. HHH says unless he’s provoked he won’t go after Austin tonight. Stephanie says that order will be maintained tonight by Vince, who is here live via satellite.

Vince is surrounded by XFL stuff and has an XFL ball. It launched on my birthday which isn’t one of my prouder moments. If HHH provokes Austin then he loses his title shot. If Austin provokes HHH, he’s out of the Rumble. Vince aged a lot in the last decade as he looks very young here. Tonight it’s Austin/Dudleys vs. Edge/Christian/Angle which should be interesting. Vince has to leave now for a meeting but he has his phone on. Odd way for him to go but whatever.

It’s odd because the segment isn’t over yet. HHH says that Angle is champion because HHH has allowed him to be so. He says he never lost the title (Rock pinned Vince in a6 man to win it) and Angle has never won defended against him due to being busy with Austin. He talks about Kurt’s title reign and how Kurt can bring all the help he wants because HHH will win the title on Sunday anyway.

Here’s Kurt with a rebuttal. Angle is disappointed in Stephanie because she blew it because she picked HHH over him. Speaking of games, Donkey Kong has a better chance of taking the title from Angle than HHH does. He’s the big smelly ape that people actually like. Angle has someone in his corner, which is someone that the McMahons know quite well: Trish. Remember she was sleeping with Vince at the time.

Trish makes innuendo about her sleeping with Vince so Stephanie calls her a w****. That would seem to be accurate in the story. Stephanie makes a spanking match with Jackie vs. Trish. Yeah because that’s such punishment. She can’t wrestle so let’s make her do something where there’s no wrestling required. Long segment, running nearly 10 minutes.

Back and we get a clip of Trish volunteering to get a spanking from Vince on Smackdown to explain things a bit more. HHH isn’t sure how Vince is going to take this. Stephanie needs acting lessons in a fierce way.

Hardcore Title: Test vs. Raven

Well at least they both have good music. Raven brings out his shopping cart full of weapons. Fire extinguisher to the face gives Raven control to start but he walks into a full nelson slam to take him down. Here’s Hardcore Holly as I think you know what’s coming. Blackman comes out too and it’s a big mess. As in a bigger mess than usual if that’s possible.

Raven tries to leave but Test follows him up the ramp. Test picks him up and rams Raven’s face into the WWF.com sign above the entrance. Abandon all hope ye who log on? They go to the back where Regal jumps both of them, allowing Raven to pin Test. No rating of course as this was maybe two minutes. Raven drives off in a waiting car. This might result in Raven’s ninja.

Blackman and Holly make a match for later tonight. Good thing they had a time slot all emptied up and waiting on someone to fill it in isn’t it?

XFL ad makes me laugh.

Here’s Rock to do his usual awesome stuff. We’re six days from the Rumble and Rock has a tag match with Taker vs. Kane/Rikishi. Excuse the Rock for not doing cartwheels and backflips of joy. This is a one night partnership but today is a very special day because it is the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Rock has a dream of his own and that is to win the Rumble. Nice transition there. He emulates I Have A Dream but switches out free at last with whipping in a funny line. Good stuff here although kind of short by his standards.

The Dudleys say that tonight it’s a one night partnership with Austin and after the match is over, they’ll have a Dudleyville Discussion with Austin.

HHH and Stephanie call Vince to talk about Drew Carey wanting to do something at the Rumble. Ah wait that’s not why they’re calling. They’re calling to make Rock happy so Vince changes it to Rock/Kane vs. Taker/Rikishi. Uh, ok?

Some Milwaukee Bucks are here.

Undertaker/Rikishi vs. Rock/Kane

Some odd pairings here. Rikishi is #30 in the Rumble. Tough Enough is coming. It’s now 2011 and it’s on its way back. Kind of ironic isn’t it? Not really but it sounds good and these entrances are taking a long time so I need something to pass the time. Rock vs. Rikishi to start. Rikishi knocks him back into the corner and goes for a Stinkface but Rock hits a big clothesline out of the corner to avoid a bad facial.

Kane tags himself in and Rock isn’t too thrilled with that. Samoan Drop takes Kane down as I continue to wonder what Vince was thinking when he picked Rikishi as the big bad. Kane manages to slam him in an impressive spot. Top rope clothesline takes him down again. How exactly was that hellacious though? I’m not getting that part.

Off to the Deadman now (with a tag most would call a right hand to the jaw) as the Brothers square off….again. Rock returns the favor and tags himself back in to give us the eternally bad pairing of Rock vs. Taker. Taker beats him down and hits Old School. Rock fights back but both guys go down to a double clothesline. Swinging neckbreaker puts Taker down for a second as this is a brawl.

Everything breaks down and Kane clocks Rikishi in the head with the bell. He’s a Samoan. That isn’t supposed to work. Spinebuster takes down the Rock but Kane jumps Rock to wild heat. Taker tries to give Rock the Last Ride but Rock dead weights him or something before the second attempt ends Rock.

Rating: C. This was a main event tag match and not much more. It’s fine in that regard but sweet goodness I don’t get why Rikishi was pushed so hard. Did someone really think that was a good idea? Not bad here but it’s nothing I’m going to remember in about five minutes. At least it built to the Rumble somewhat.

Benoit is bringing a ladder to the arena.

After a break here’s Benoit on top of said ladder. He talks about how awesome Jericho is and what an honor it’ll be to wrestle him in a ladder match. Benoit has made a little video for us called the best of Benoit vs. Jericho. As predicted it’s all Benoit destroying Jericho. Naturally Jericho comes in from the crowd and destroys Benoit.

The Dudleys and Edge/Christian get into it in the back and the Dudleys are left laying, including a Conchairto to D-Von.

HHH and Stephanie talk about Austin not having partners now. Stephanie thinks she should call her dad for….uh…no adequately explored reason.

Hardcore Holly vs. Steve Blackman

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what the world has been waiting for! For no apparent reason this isn’t hardcore. They trade strikes and reversals to start us off. Blackman drapes Holly over the ropes and shoves the referee (Teddy Long) maybe 40 seconds in. Holly with some low blows and it’s still not a DQ. A chair is taken away from him and Blackman goes to get some more stuff. Teddy walks off as I hope this isn’t the referee strike angle. I always hated that thing. Not really even a match.

HHH/Steph call Vince who says if Austin can get some partners he can have replacements. Vince asks about Trish and Stephanie…I think gets on him about it?

Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

At least Trish looks great in leather pants that are skin tight. I have no idea how you’re supposed to win this as they both have straps. I’m assuming you win by pinfall. As Trish is about to be whipped here’s Angle for the save. Jackie tries to spank her but only gets her pants down. Her thong-clad hips are slapped by the strap and I guess Jackie wins. This was whatever.

We get a clip of Kai En Tai dancing with Too Cool but then turning heel for no apparent reason.

K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kai En Tai/Tazz

Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kai En Tai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?

Angle suggest that Trish head back to the hotel and put some salve on her. She was somehow curvier at this point.

Royal Rumble Moment: Too Cool and Rikishi dance in the ring. That was awesome.

HHH and Stephanie conspire evily.

Info for Tough Enough is given. This would result in Maven and Nidia who both meant a grand total of nothing.

We recap the Chyna/Ivory thing from earlier in the night which is an odd time to have this on. Ok then.

Billy Gunn is at WWF New York and they ask him how he feels about Chyna coming back so soon. He’s not sure about it but it’s her call. Oh and he might win the Rumble. That’s hilarious.

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Steve Austin/???/???

That’s quite the heel team as they’re all champions at this point. Out of nowhere the APA run in and they’re the partners apparently. Austin and Angle start but Angle tags Christian in almost immediately. Off to Edge and Bradshaw now which goes badly for the Canadian. Double spinebuster to Edge as Farrooq comes in. It’s weird to see Austin beat up Edge. They’re tagging that fast mind you.

Angle vs. Austin now and Austin shockingly BACKFLIPS out of a suplex. Edge and Christian grab some chairs but can’t hit a Conchairto on Austin. The APA chases them off and we’re down to the two stars. Superplex gets two for Austin. HHH comes out to the ramp and Austin stares him down. Low blow by Angle and Kurt takes over. Austin manages to counter an Angle suplex and takes over again.

There’s a belly to belly for Austin’s trouble though as Angle pops those hips like only he can. Angle Slam is blocked as they’re flying through this. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away. Angle goes up but jumps into a Stunner to end it. More or less a one on one match but that’s fine by me.

Rating: C+. WAY fast here and it worked pretty well I thought. This works fine as HHH not getting involved here and having Austin do his dirty work for him was perfectly fine as it kills two birds with one stone for him. The tag team aspect meant nothing for the most part but the match was still incredibly energetic and fun.

HHH comes down to the ring and begs Austin to hit him, offering him the first shot. Austin goes to the floor and gets a chair while HHH screams at him to hit him. Austin walks away and makes the symbol of the title around his waist. HHH calls him a pussy, making him charge back but Angle comes up from behind HHH and gets the Slam but Austin gets a Stunner on him to end the show.

Overall Rating
: C+. Well the wrestling was pretty bad, but everything was covered for the Rumble. The PPV was awesome so that helps a lot, but I don’t think anyone actually believed Austin would lose. There were only five matches and everything got some build, but this was pre-Brand Split so there was always Smackdown for more building and the final build. Fun little show, but nothing great or memorable at all.

 

Here’s the Royal Rumble if you’re interested:

 

 

 

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On This Day: September 28, 2010 – NXT: There Is No Wrestling On This Show

NXT
Date: September 28, 2010
Location: U.S. Cellular Coliseum, Bloomington, Indiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

Back in Bloomington this week as the show was taped. There’s a chance this is the final episode on Sci-Fi but that hasn’t been confirmed yet. On my digital preview there’s a sci-fi show on next week, but a week later, on the 12th, NXT is listed. It’s likely a misprint but interesting nonetheless. Let’s get to it.

We open by recapping musical chairs. It amuses me how they’ve just given up on this being a wrestling show at all and are just trying to make it as entertaining as possible. Talk the Talk is a bit better but it is kind of interesting to see WWE say how talking is very important and apparently more important than wrestling.

No Punk to start us out which makes me a sad reviewer.

Striker brings out the girls who mostly look good. Maxine still has the straight hair which looks really weird on her for some reason. Voting for the first elimination begins tomorrow on WWE.com which is where the results show will likely be seen. There’s a wheelbarrow in the aisle and they have to run around the ring with it, fastest time wins.

Maxine is first but before we start we need something in the wheelbarrow. And here’s Hornswoggle to make me roll my eyes. Cole asks what this has to do with being a Diva as Maxine sets the mark at 14.7 seconds. Horny bites her tights after she shoves him out of the wheelbarrow.

Naomi goes second and beats her time but they keep the clock running anyway for some reason as they have a tendency to do, putting her in second.

Jamie gets 14.4 to take the lead.

Kaitlyn is fourth and flies through this, getting 12 flat. Cole gets the line of the night as he yells at Josh: YOU’RE ANALYZING A WHEELBARROW RACE! He’s annoying but you can’t deny that he’s right.

AJ is the next to last girl and is rocking an I Love Nerds t-shirt. She’s nowhere close and Horny hugs her for a long time.

Aksana goes last and gets 13.9 to give Kaitlyn the win. What a great way to spend the first 13 minutes of a wrestling show.

This Week in WWE History is about Madison Square Garden and in particular the Raw where there was a triple interview with Dude Love, Cactus Jack and Mankind where Cactus returned and had a great falls count anywhere match with HHH. Oh and Austin gave Vince the first Stunner between the two. And now, back to the wheelbarrow racing show.

We profile AJ and how nerdy she is. We get a cool clip of her in line for tickets to Wrestlemania in MSG which I’m assuming was 20. That’s very cool that she is in a clip from footage like that as a kid for some reason.

Diss the Divas later tonight. Oh joy: more reading from scripts.

And now we recap Raw. I wonder how long they can go without actual wrestling on this show. Well that’s enough content so we need another commercial now.

Yep next week we’re on WWE.com. Not sure how that’ll effect the reviews but I’ll get it up somehow.

We profile Kaitlyn now who wants to be herself. And ANOTHER commercial. It’s 10:35 and there has not been a single piece of wrestling whatsoever. They’re coming back for 2 minutes of profiles etc and then a commercial.

Back from a break and we recap Smackdown with the Taker vs. Kane segment. When I say that, I mean they PLAY THE WHOLE THING. I don’t mean a highlight package, I don’t mean a synopsis, I mean Kane is talking about Undertaker and the druids are about to come out and Paul Bearer is about to return. If you’re curious as to what’s going on see my Smackdown review because I’m not talking about something I reviewed four days ago.

Time for Diss the Divas which is exactly what it sounds like. Aksana goes first and says she’s hot which she is. Her diss to the Divas is they don’t look as good as she does and she’s in better shape.

AJ goes second and is rather adorable. This is by far the highlight of the show which is hardly saying much. AJ says she belongs more here and she should be the winner because she’s not the typical Diva. This would come off better if Cole would SHUT UP. It’s one thing to get on the girls but it’s another thing to talk over them so we can’t even hear them.

Kaitlyn does an impression of Naomi by sticking her hips out. Naomi literally kicks it and that’s all for Kaitlyn.

Jamie says Aksana belongs in a circus and AJ is a ten year old but Jamie is awesome. Striker is more or less begging them to pick this up as it’s awful.

Naomi says this is about wrestling and entertainment and has them beat in those areas. Kaitlyn only won last week because Naomi messed up. Shame AJ won last week but whatever.

Maxine says the same thing she’s said every week as AJ and Kaitlyn conspire and play patty cake in the background.

AJ wins the competition over Naomi but just slightly, giving her the most victories and immunity.

And here’s Vickie to make sure we get her face time this week since this is the Vickie/Cole show. She bashes Kaitlyn who more or less turns face and wants Vickie in a match. Vickie accepts but gets a BIG OLD SLAP to Kaitlyn. That was Stephanie level slapping and somehow the highlight of the show. They “brawl” to end this joke of a show.

Overall Rating: F. This was an absolute joke. They can’t throw in a two minute match just to give us something? I don’t watch this show to see a segment I already watched. The show is moving to WWE.Com and I can’t imagine this show is going to make people want to watch it. I love the WWE but I never want to hear them complain about ratings again, not after this. Horrible show with no appealing value at all like this show usually has with its bad comedy. I feel sorry for the people that paid for tickets to it.

 

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On This Day: September 27, 1998 – Breakdown: In Your House: Steve Austin vs. The World

This is another very old review which needs to be redone.  Not a bad idea actually.

 

In Your House 24: Breakdown
Date: September 27, 1998
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,405
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Summerslam has passed and Austin, much to everyone’s surprise, kept the belt by beating Taker clean. If my memory is right, that was the only time that happened from 1991 to 1998 but I could be wrong on that. Other than that, HHH ended the DX vs. Nation war by beating the Rock for the IC title. The rest of the show is pretty weak as it was kind of meant to be the end of a lot of storylines and now create new ones.

The main idea was that Vince is completely fed up with Austin and wants the title off of him at any cost, so he’s made the main event for tonight of Kane vs. Taker vs. Austin in a triple threat for the title, knowing it would be a handicap match. Also on here we have a triple threat in a cage with mankind, Shamrock and the Rock for the #1 contenders spot. The rest of the card looks like Typical Attitude Era stuff, so let’s get to it.

The intro is all about Vince wanting to get the title off of Stone Cold at any cost, talking about his master plan which includes shots of John Kennedy and various other historic leaders. This is WAY over the top to say the least.

Owen Hart vs. Edge

This is really just a matchup of an upper midcarder and a rookie. I really like this match actually as both guys are solid in the ring. Edge is working a style that is very good for him with a mix of what he does now with technical stuff thrown in. He’s staying move for move with Owen which is no small task to say the least. We get a lot of near falls and since I don’t remember who wins this, it’s a very exciting match.

Edge was getting a cult following at the time and he was still a rookie, which really is an impressive feat. Both go for their finishers and Edge lands a decent DDT. They’re going back and forth here in a great pace that’s really showing Edge off well. Owen of course is as solid as ever but this is pretty even.

Eventually Edge has Owen in trouble but a long blonde haired fan jumps the railing and distracts Edge allowing Owen to roll him up for the win. Dang , that guy that jumped the rail must totally reek of awesomeness and charisma.

Yeah it’s Christian debuting.

Rating: B+. This match was very good and an excellent opener. Two Canadians so it’s almost face vs. face, meaning the crowd is way into it. Edge was showing off here as he proved he can go with anyone. Owen was his usual solid self on the mat and I really didn’t know who was going to win until the end. That’s the sign of a good match in my opinion.

Bad promo for the Superstar Line.

Too Much vs. Scorpio/Al Snow

This comes after Raw when Snow regained his contract by beating Slaughter in a boot camp match. Now in case you don’t remember that, Lawler will mention it 18 times in the next match. After that the Stooges ran down to beat him up but Scorpio made the save. Too much is here because we needed a heel tag team to job to the new faces I guess. This is an ok match but it’s nothing special.

Snow as always is entertaining here as a very underrated worked and character. Scorpio is someone I’ve always enjoyed as well so this should be ok. For some reason they bring a chair in and after the faces distract the referee, both use it for running poetries in motion on Too Much, but Scorpio botches him and lands on his back.

Other than that it’s a pretty up tempo match here with both teams doing a good job at keeping the fans excited. At the end everything just breaks into a huge fight with there being no idea who the legal men were with there being all kinds of covers by all four men. Finish comes off of the Snowplow.

Rating: B. This was another fun match. There was no point to it at all but it was just fun. The characters were fun and wild with everyone all over the place. Snow was easily the star here which is an odd thin since he w treated as nothing but a comedy character for th majority of his career. This was very fun though and while not great, it was entertaining.

Droz vs. Marc Mero

Only thing of note is that Jackie won the Women’s Title on Monday night. We’re not told who the champion was, so I’m assuming it’s nothing of note at all. Droz is considered to be a freak with talk of him eating deer hearts after hunting and sleeping with boa constrictors. Great things to talk about wouldn’t you say?

Once again there’s no real point to this match other than having a face lower mid card guy against a heel lower mid card guy. Nothing at all of note happens here until Jackie hits Droz in the head with a shoe, leading to the Shooting Star Press, here called the Marvelocity.

Rating: D. No point, no good action, no drama, no good grade. There was just nothing here at all and it was clear that no one cared about it. Not much else to say.

Bradshaw vs. Vader

Again, no point to this match that I know of but it’s no holds barred. Oh and it’s falls count anywhere so it’s a hardcore match. Bradshaw has shaved the beard so we now have the traditional look that we’re used to of him. He says Vader is too far to beat him.

This was Vader’s last match with the company on PPV and his last televised match would be in about 3 weeks in the well known and used Edge vs. Vader match. We get some good news though; the Brawl For All is over. Ross says he doesn’t want Vader between him legs. Oh apparently they’re fighting because they failed as a tag team.

Glad I missed those pairings actually. Here comes the weapons as Bradshaw nails him with the bell. Bradshaw’s power moves here are very well done with all kinds of suplexes and slams that put him over really well. I’ll never understand how finishing moves lose their power as Bradshaw gets up from the Vader Bomb, which put HBK down several times, but can’t put a young Bradshaw down here? Then for a weird finish, the clothesline from JBL doesn’t pin Vader, but a neckbreaker does?

Rating: C+. This was fine for what it was. Putting the hardcore thing in there helped a bit as it kept the weaknesses they had from being exposed, but at the time neither really relied on them too much. The destruction of Vader on PPV is finally ended here which is nothing more than a shame. Bradshaw was given a mini push but eventually they got it right with him in the APA.

We see a thing on WWE.com with Jason Sensation doing various impressions of wrestlers. He was a comedian but some of his voices were dead on. His Taker voice is absolutely perfect.

D’Lo Brown vs. Gangrel

Brown lost the European title to X-Pac on Raw apparently. Yeah I don’t care either. Gangrel’s entrance and music is just awesome to put it mildly. As far as his in ring work goes, that’s another story entirely. He had this weird running elbow drop that I never liked as it was just odd looking. At the time everyone was trying to figure out what the deal with Edge and Gangrel was.

They never explained it but soon the Brood would form. You can feel Russo’s hands all over this as you have two over the top gimmicks as well as no real face or heel character but rather two guys that could be either or. Botched hot shot sends D’Lo face first into the top rope which isn’t something you see that often.

There’s really not much going on here as this whole card just feels like filler with this being the worst of that category so far. Henry comes out and attacks Gangrel, leading to the Sky High for the pin. After the match Gangrel drinks from his cup which lets him beat both of them up.

Rating: C-. There’s nothing here, but both guys have fairly cool gimmicks so I’ll say it just passes. That’s the issue with this so show far: everything just feels like pure filler and it’s not working well. Give me something with some meat to it if you want me to care. There’s no build here or anything and I feel like I’m watching a house show.

Recap for the triple threat for the contendership. This match already happened on Raw but Taker and Kane beat them all down. Promos from all three follow. Shamrock is far better than what he used to be, but he’s still pretty bad. Rock’s popularity has arrived as his pop gets bigger and bigger but he’s still far from what his peak would be. Now we get to Mankind. I have never seen a more off the wall promo.

He references Bill Clinton’s scandal with a girl that even he would have turned down in high school as the only thing that comes close to being as pointless as the people’s elbow. WOW. Also, Rock had referenced sugar coated testicles, which Foley thinks should be a new cereal. Mankind the face has arrived.

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind

Remember this is for the #1 contenders spot and it’s in a cage. Shamrock gets no reaction. He got no reaction in the Attitude Era. Let that sink in for a minute. Mankind’s is solid but Rock’s is just big. This is the older format of triple threats where it’s pretty much a bunch of one on one matches that rotate. I really like the feeling in this match as there’s a good amount of drama and it’s not the watered down variety of today which just absolutely sucks.

These guys beat the living tar out of each other and it’s really working well. They’re fighting hard and the fans are into it. Since we’re in Canada, the heel Rock is getting cheered. All kinds of big spots here as the cage isn’t the star like it is anymore. It’s also the big blue one which is a lot better in my eyes than the one they use now. Anyway, these guys are beating the living tar out of each other with everyone getting dangerously close to winning only to have it snatched away.

Rock lands a double People’s Elbow that has the people going INSANE. Pop of the night so far with ease which is odd as he was the heel coming into this. These guys work each other over very well here with all three being very close again. Both guys are down but Foley dives off the top of the cage with an elbow that crashes. Somehow a chair gets in and Rock just starts killing Shamrock with it.

Foley gets it and both guys are down, but as Foley goes up the cage Rock covers Shamrock for the pin. After it Foley thinks he’s won and raises his hand in victory but then sees Rock and is ticked, ripping out his hair. Rock heads to the back as Shamrock is beating on things with the chair and scaring your favorite Oklahoma representative.

Rating: B+. While I hate the pinfall ending in cage matches, this added a very nice psychology concept to it with Foley trying to be the hero and the heel Rock taking the easier way to get the win. Very subtle yet very key to making the match a bigger success.

You could see that Rock was the biggest star here but it was Foley that was carrying things in there. Vince continues to try to make something out of Shamrock and just epically fails at it. This was a slower paced match but it worked very well as they were all working hard and had the crowd into it as well.

We get a recap of Goldust vs. Venis which was during the time that Rhodes was in the preacher gimmick and Venis made a movie with Terri called the Preacher’s Wife of the two of them sleeping, or I guess not sleeping together.

Val Venis vs. Goldust

This is during the religious period for Dustin who would keep saying HE IS COMING BACK, meaning Goldust. Val brings Terri out who is very scantily clad. Val hits a spinebuster almost immediately but gets powerbombed shortly thereafter. This shouldn’t last that long.

Dustin tries to leave and gets his head taken off for his troubles. Very basic match to start here as Dustin is supposed to be just a man fighting for honor out there while Val is on a hot streak at the moment. Russian leg sweep sets up the grind for Val and then a camel clutch.

Dustin is called a youngster despite being around over 8 years at this point. Take it off chant at Terri. Terri looks at Val dreamily during a long chinlock. Almost all Val here as he goes up for a middle rope suplex but lifts Dustin up and just drops him to the floor in a pinful looking move.

Val goes to the floor and gets consoled by Terri. Bulldog by Dustin gets two which is probably the extent of his control here. Yep the powerslam sets up the Money Shot to end it.

Rating: D. All angle here as this just DRAGGED. It went on for nearly ten minutes here and just didn’t get interesting at all. We get the idea here and didn’t need to have it hammered into us. Nothing special at all and just an extended TV match. The angle was done here I think for all intents and purposes, at least the Dustin aspect.

Recap of DX vs. Jeff Jarrett. Yeah I don’t care either.

DX vs. Jeff Jarrett/Southern Justice

Southern Justice are the Godwinns for those of you that can’t get to sleep at night. This is as bland of a 6 man as you could possibly ask for. It’s a mini feud that no one remembers and fewer cared about. X-Pac gets beaten on, wild brawl, Pac takes a guitar to the head, Fameasser in the ring, match over.

Rating: F. I have no idea why but I hated this match deeply. I think it was just that it was a freaking waste of time. There’s filler that is good and filler that is bad. This was of the latter variety.

Promo and recap which you know the drill of by now. If you can’t tell I really just want this show to end.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Undertaker vs. Kane

Kane can’t pin Taker and vine versa, making this a handicap match. We see a clip of Austin beating up Vince on Heat. If anyone helps Austin he’s stripped of the title. Austin jumps Taker with a chair as he’s on his way to the ring and beats the tar out of him. Austin was a lot of things but above all else he was smart.

Kane vs. Austin in the ring now as Taker is trying to get up. Top rope clothesline misses as Austin just steps aside. Taker comes back with a chair and Austin is in trouble. Total brawl the whole way so far but that’s what it’s supposed to be. Stunner out of nowhere on Kane but Taker saves.

The Big Red Machine is down forever from that as it’s Taker vs. Austin now. Jumping clothesline takes Austin down but Taker gets caught by a Thesz Press. Heel miscommunication occurs so Austin can get back up which lasts like 4 seconds. The Stooges and Slaughter come out to stand on the stage as it’s ALL Brothers of Destruction at this point.

Back near the stage and Austin makes a brief comeback but gets his Piledriver reversed by Taker. Austin charges at Brisco and half kills him but Slaughter kicks him in the head. Taker brings Austin back to the ring like he’s carrying him to the gallows. Where’s Luke when you need him?

And we replay the beginning of the match for no apparent reason. Back in the ring now and Austin is getting destroyed. He goes nuts and gets some shots in but Taker catches him. They’re doing really well here at making it look like Austin has a chance and then snatching it away. He’s never quite defeated though which is a nice touch.

Austin caves Kane’s head in with a chair but Taker saves. Taker covers but Kane breaks it up, giving Austin a glimmer of hope. Taker breaks up a Kane pin and then drills him to a ROAR. Kane and Austin send Taker to the floor and now it’s one on one.

After a brief reconciliation Taker and Kane need more counseling as they fight again. Austin gets to rest a bit here and fix his knee braces. Double clothesline and both guys are down, prompting Austin to sit up in a funny moment. Finally they get together and hit a double chokeslam and a double pin. Fink does the announcement but pauses before he announces the winner.

Vince comes out and takes the belt. They would have a one on one match at the next PPV where no one would win again, setting up the Deadly Game Tournament at Survivor Series where Rock turned heel to become McMahon’s star. Austin kills everyone in sight and gets flipped off by Vince to end the show.

Rating: C-. This is ok but it’s just a bit boring. Austin fighting insane odds is always fun but the good thing here is they didn’t have him overcome them. That would have been too much for anyone and I think they got that. Having this go over 20 minutes was WAY too long though as it took Kane and Taker all of 40 seconds to beat Austin once they got together. Decent and booked mostly right but too long.

It made the buildup for the rest of the feud great as Austin wouldn’t get the title back until Mania 15. Austin had a great run with the belt but taking it off of him for about 5 months made his next win all the greater. Kane and Taker would fight at the next PPV for the title with a certain redneck as the referee.

Overall Rating: C+. It’s an ok show but that’s it. There are certainly some good matches but the show just dies a painful death before the main event. The Venis match and the DX match are just flat out draining. That’s how I would describe this show: draining.

While there are more good matches than bad, those that are bad are very bad and come towards the end of the show which is what matters most because it’s what’s remembered most. It’s an ok show, but it could have been booked much better. Thumb squarely in the middle.

 

 

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No Way Out 2009: Why Having Two World Titles Is Stupid

No Way Out 2009
Date: February 15, 2009
Location: KeyArena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

It’s the final No Way Out and one more time we have a pair of Chamber matches. There are a total of five matches on the card so as you can see we don’t have a lot to work with on this one. Three are title matches, one is a street fight and the other is Shawn vs. JBL for Shawn’s freedom which I’m kind of surprised they didn’t hold off until Mania for, but Shawn wound up fighting Taker instead so I think it’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about the McMahons in their war against Orton. You know, instead of about the world titles or the Chamber matches or anything stupid like that. Oh wait they throw that in at the end. How nice of them.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Edge vs. HHH vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov

Edge is champion here and who would have bet on Undertaker being the first guy to come out on a PPV? Ever seen or heard of that at all? I certainly haven’t. The Chamber has a personality now. Show comes out second to more or less no reaction. Show has gained back a good deal of his weight by this point. It’s kind of fun to wait and see who will be the two starters. It won’t be Kozlov as he comes in third.

HHH won’t start either (I’m stunned too) so it’ll be Jeff vs. Edge. Well you can’t complain there. Edge had ended Jeff’s first reign in January at the Rumble so the story is there. HHH has won three Chambers and is a mere 12 time world champion here. He spits through the top of Show’s cage down on his head just to tick him off. BIG pop when Jeff comes out. The time is allegedly five minutes here but I’ll believe that when I see it. Nearly fifteen minutes into the show it’s time to get going.

JR for some reason can’t get the rules right and Taz has to save him. When do you see that? Jeff goes straight at him and Edge counters with a clothesline to put the purple haired dude down for two. Ok this time pins have to be in the ring. Edge slugs away and growls at Show, mocking the chokeslam. Jeff fights back and the Twist of Fate hits maybe two minutes in. Swanton misses and it’s spear time. Wow they’re going kind of fast here aren’t they? Jeff rolls through it though into a small package, and Edge is out in maybe three minutes tops. WOW.

Now we have to wait for the next guy to come in as the crowd is stunned. He was the reigning champion too, so the world champion just got pinned in about three minutes in a title match. There’s the clock and in third is Kozlov who gets to beat on Hardy for awhile. He’s still undefeated here somehow. The headbutt to Jeff’s chest has him in trouble early on.

It’s so strange to think that Kozlov got his first title as a comedy enforcer rather than this version of him that is in a world title match on PPV. All Kozlov here as the fans chant USA. Well at least they can spell for the most part. Fallaway slam gets two as Jeff has had almost no offense in this period. Vlad gets a bearhug while Jeff is on his back. Jeff gets in some punches and that gets him nowhere so it’s more of the same now.

Here comes Jeff again with the slingshot dropkick to keep Koz down for awhile. Whisper in the Wind hits as the clock ticks down. It’s Big Show in fourth and I don’t like Jeff’s chances of survival here. Does JR have Show’s measurements tattooed on the inside of his eyelids or something? Why else would he know them that easily? Koz and Show beat on Jeff for awhile but don’t cover him for no apparent reason.

They literally spend three and a half to four minutes just letting the other get in big shots on the other guy. Isn’t this kind of uh, stupid? LOUD chop by Show in the corner followed by a second. Tazz makes a bit of fun of JR for saying the Chamber has a personality. Kozlov finally drills Show to take him down while Jeff is able to recover. Well no one ever said these two are that intelligent.

The countdown comes on and it’s HHH in fifth. Anyone else think he’ll be the winner? He goes straight for Big Show and that gets him mostly nowhere so he switches off to….right back to Big Show. Ok then. Spinebuster takes down Show and HHH gets a counter to a Twist of Fate with a clothesline. Vlad does his best Stasiak impression as he charges at HHH but goes over the top to the cage.

The fans cheer for HHH which apparently validate putting him in the main event of Mania in dominance by him. Of course it did. Show gets back into it and the four guys pair off into teams of two. The margins of time are really stretching here. Show slams HHH into the cage and then Hardy into the cage. Show then charges but eats cage instead and is in trouble.

We finally hit the countdown and here comes Taker who goes straight for Show. You can tell Taker is in a zone here and would be ready for Shawn next month. Taker destroys everyone and sets for a double chokeslam but Show breaks it up for no apparent reason. Old School is started on HHH but Taker dives off onto Show instead and DDTs him on the cage. NOW Old School hits the Game. Taker is looking awesome here as he’s beating the tar out of everyone.

Kozlov gets a shot in finally and shows how stupid Russia is as he goes up to the corner and just like happened last year and to everyone else on the planet, the Last Ride drills him and out he goes. Ross is so casual about it that you can tell he’s thinking how stupid Vlad was there. Down to Show, Hardy, HHH and Taker now. Pedigree can’t hit Show and HHH gets backdropped to the cage again.

Show gets all dominant and throws HHH around before going after Hardy for a bit. So he’s a dominant swinger? Kinky. Hardy hammers away so Show just throws him onto the top of a pod. Taker manages to get a superplex off the top of the pod followed by a Pedigree followed by a huge Swanton. HHH steals the pin and we’re down to three.

Hardy is more or less dead after the Swanton so Taker beats on HHH for awhile. He goes for Old School on Hardy but HHH saves. Why do so many people do that? Let Hardy take a big move and maybe get pinned. Apparently that’s a bad thing here. Poetry in Motion with Taker action as Matt takes down HHH on the steel. And then a few seconds later a Tombstone gets us down to HHH vs. Taker which should be good.

Taker misses a big boot in the corner and we head out to the steel again. HHH comes off and lands in a chokeslam for a long two and a big reaction on the kickout. Spinebuster “out of nowhere (dang it JR stop stealing my lines!)” gets a close two. We get an awesome counter sequence as Taker goes for a Tombstone on the steel but HHH reverses over the ropes but Taker keeps rotating and gets one of his own.

It gets two though as HHH puts his foot on the rope. In the ELIMINATION CHAMBER, a foot on the rope breaks up a pin. That is, in a word, FREAKING WEAK! Pedigree gets two and draws boos as we can clearly tell the favorite here. After a big punch out, HHH pounds on him and, I kid you not, does ten punches in the corner. For the sake of my sanity he reverses and a Pedigree ends this. Not sure if we should chalk that up to intelligence or luck but whatever.

Rating: A-. Solid match for sure and the whole thing worked for the most part. They had the good balance here of shock with the beginning, the beatdown by the monster, the big beatdown to get rid of said monster, and the big slugout to end it. Great match and one of the best in the series so far. Oh and HHH has his 13th world title to set up the WAY too long feud with Orton.

Edge freaks out on Vickie who blames Edge for this one. Their marriage would end soon enough.

We recap Orton vs. the McMahons which started with Orton punting Vince when he tried to fire him. There was an alleged mental condition with Orton where he threatened to sue if he was fired. Naturally there wasn’t one which was one of the stupidest angles I can remember in a long time. Shane came back as the big surprise and of course this gets the music video treatment instead of the world title match later in the night. Well why wouldn’t it? IT’S THE MCMAHONS!!! Orton tried to punt Steph but Shane dove in front for the save.

Orton asks how Shane’s father is doing. He’s almost robotic here and it’s rather creepy. Shane is going to cry tonight it seems.

Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon

This is of course no holds barred because that’s all Shane knows how to do. Orton’s entrance takes a good two minutes as apparently with five matches on the card they need to fill time. Shane, as ticked off as possible and here for revenge, still is able to do that dance of his on the stage. Both guys charge but they can’t connect. Shane has the always intimidating gray hair.

And we’re seconds in and Shane is getting beaten down. Well this was nice to see but let’s get on to the next match already I guess. Shane fires back with jabs and his different style of punching. The floor is soaked which I think is off of Orton. It’s garbage can time as we hit the floor. There’s some other stuff out there too but it hasn’t been used yet. Shane goes into an exposed buckle and Shane is in trouble rather early on.

Shane’s back is hurt apparently. He gets a Singapore Cane from somewhere to drill Randy with as this is moving rather slowly. Shane sets up the Smackdown announce table at ringside and DRILLS Randy with the monitor, drawing some blood I think. Oh yeah it’s a big one. Orton is so orange it’s hard to tell at times. Shane sets up the big elbow but Legacy comes in for the save.

Shane, the non wrestler that he is, fights off former tag team champions on his own because who can’t do that right? Coast to Coast to Rhodes on a trash can which would look a bit better if the part of the can Rhodes had on his face actually moved. Shane goes for the elbow through the table but Orton moves, sending Shane crashing through everything.

There’s the elevated DDT for two because you know, fighting tag team champions, getting destroyed by a former world champion, crashing through a table and a spike DDT isn’t enough to stop someone for three seconds. Orton sets up a table and suplexes Shane from the top rope. Say it with me: it gets two. Orton does his stomp to continue boring us to pieces for two.

Randy sets for the spear but Shane gets a spear to take him down. Chair time as he hits Orton in all the spots that Orton uses for the stomp which is a rather creative sequence actually. And now we see two idiotic things to end this match: Shane sets for a Punt as Orton is getting up but Orton pops up with an RKO to end it. One: WHY WOULD YOU CHARGE AT ORTON WHEN HE’S CROUCHED DOWN? Two: an RKO ends this after Legacy, two crashes through tables from the top rope, a huge beating from Orton and shots with weapons don’t end this? Think the RKO is a bit strong by comparison?

Rating: C+. This was fun and a good hardcore match, but running at over 18 minutes and with the ridiculous amount of stuff Shane got up from, this was a bit much. It’s definitely ok but it needed about five minutes cut out and one of the big spots, probably the superplex, cut out to really make this high quality.

Orton’s ankle from the chair shot keeps him from punting Shane.

Mania ad which is for the 25th show, which isn’t the 25th anniversary. Make that a LONG ad for Mania.

ECW Title: Finlay vs. Jack Swagger

Swags has the title here of course. Christian would come back soon to really get the title going but for now we have this still. You can literally see people heading to get popcorn and drinks as Swagger comes out. Horny helped Finlay break Swagger’s undefeated streak so there’s your reason for this match. Ok, apparently Christian is already back. That came out of nowhere.

Finlay works on the knee but has his shoulder rammed into the post. The fans aren’t exactly impressed. Shoulderbreaker gets two. The fans are more or less openly booing this now. Swagger hammers on the arm as Finlay is in trouble. He gets a move that doesn’t really have a name but Christian has done it before. You set for a reverse DDT but drive the other guy’s back into a knee.

Swagger charges at Finlay in the corner but the Irish dude gets a rolling cradle for one as he couldn’t get the shoulders down. Swagger puts Finlay on the top but they get down without anything of note happening. Crowd is mostly dead but not quite. Here comes Horny again for no apparent reason. Cross body off the middle rope gets two for Finlay. Celtic Cross is set up but for absolutely zero reason at all, Horny gets on the apron (he’s called a child again despite having abeard). Finlay is rammed into him and the gutwrench powerbomb ends this.

Rating: D. Weak match and no one bought Finlay as having a chance with Christian being back now. Horny being up there like that made zero sense at all unless they’re trying to make him out to be a child which is rather stupid as HE HAS A BEARD. Why am I trying to figure out Leprechaun facial hair? Match was kind of there.

Shawn is getting ready. We recap the feud with him and JBL. The idea was that Shawn had spent a lot of his money from his high period and now can’t afford to send his kids to college and various other things. You know, because being one of the top guys in WWE pays jack apparently.

Anyway, JBL hired him to help him get the world title going into Mania but Shawn only kind of helped him at the Rumble (he superkicked JBL and Cena) so JBL isn’t happy. Bradshaw made a proposal: they have a match at the PPV where if Shawn wins he gets a full payoff and is free and clear. If JBL wins, he owns the rights to Shawn’s name, likeness and royalties, including the HBK stuff. Kind of obvious who’s winning but the buildup was really good and JBL was as good as he ever was here.

Shawn Michaels vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Had it not been for Taker having nothing else to do but have one of the best matches ever with Shawn at Mania, I really would have liked to see this as JBL vs. Shawn for the title instead. There’s the bell and we’re off and running. JBL powers him into the corner and yells about how it’ll only take one mistake. Shawn finally goes after JBL and the fight is on.

Bradshaw hits the floor for a bit to hide and that gets him absolutely nowhere. Shawn grabs a chair but can’t do it so he hammers away instead. Back in and Bradshaw catches him for a bit. Backslide gets two and here comes the control by Bradshaw. Shawn takes out the knee and gets a Figure Four but JBL is right next to the ropes so it doesn’t mean much.

Crossface goes on which they won’t call by name. The elbow drops begin with JBL looking over at Shawn’s wife who is here. She’s pretty but less British than I expected. Bradshaw hammers him down in the corner and we hit the bearhug. They try to explain the whole Shawn is broke thing but at the end of the day, Shawn makes a big fat paycheck for being a major star in WWE and it’s not like he doesn’t have a job. Just odd as it’s not like he’s out of wrestling when this started.

Shawn gets out of the hold and gets an atomic drop to take over again. Make it a pair. They fight it out on the ropes and down goes JBL. The elbow misses though as Cole channels his inner JR: “Can a man that has always been in the eye of the storm become the storm itself?” Sure why not. Clothesline from JBL hits for two to almost no reaction as the ending is that clear.

The second clothesline hits but Shawn gets to the floor to save his copyright rights. Shawn is barely in at 9 which is impressive as he didn’t move until 7. Bradshaw throws him back to the floor out of frustration it seems. Who would have thought this was one of the feature matches on a PPV 10 years prior? It would have been a tag wrestler against a guy so hurt he couldn’t walk.

JBL goes eviler and goes after Shawn’s wife, ticking him off to no end and I think you can figure it out from here. His wife throws in a shot for good measure. Back in there’s the forearm and a very fast nipup. The elbow hits this time and the band is tuned up. For once that hits completely clean and Shawn wins a bunch of money.

Rating: C. The match was fun but at the same time there wasn’t much here. JBL isn’t the kind of guy that can put on a classic for the most part and Shawn didn’t do much here for the most part, although I’d think that’s more due to his opponent than Shawn himself. It’s definitely not bad, but it was kind of underwhelming and everyone knew the ending that was coming. Still fun though.

Another ad for Mania. Think they’re pushing this one kind of hard?

Jericho says he’ll win and then is going to challenge Flair to a title match at Mania. Ok never mind no he isn’t.

The Chamber is lowered again.

Raw World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. John Cena vs. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is out first to a pretty decent pop and is the reigning champion coming in. This is easily the high point of Knox and his beard of awesome. Kane is your jobber of the day here as he’d never win a world title right? Now we get to the meat of the match as Kofi comes out and Edge jumps him, taking his place in the match. I’ll get to the big problem with this at the end. Also the winner is pretty clear now isn’t he? A Conchairto ends Kofi and Edge jumps into his pod.

Rey comes down to help Kofi as Jericho is out so we’ll start with them. They already had that epic feud over the IC Title so there’s automatic history here. Both guys fight for control and Rey can’t get a 619. Rey gets a flip over the ropes and the beating is on. Rey takes a HARD shot into the glass. Mysterio steals the Spiderman spot from RVD and gets a rana and seated senton to take over.

Kane is in third and goes right for Rey. Jericho tries to jump Kane and it gets him nowhere. Rey fights with what he can but there’s only so much he can do against a guy the size of Kane. Rey manages to get both of them in position for the 619 but Kane pops up to stop him. Rey, the superhero that he is, manages to get the big man down and get the area code move (he’s screwed if that ever changes). Jericho adds a Codebreaker for no cover as Lawler is criticizing them too. A seated senton off the top of a pod gets rid of Kane. Was there a need to take out Jericho first though? Anyway Kane is gone.

In fourth is Knox who is evil because he felt like being evil. There was something so refreshing about that and I loved it. He doesn’t really have a point to beating on Rey. He just kind of likes it. Simple but effective. Jericho sends him out to the cage but the springboard cross body doesn’t work at all. Rey gets caught in a Tree of Woe in the cage which is kind of a cool visual.

Knox is a generic big man but he does the job pretty well. He tries to set Rey for his finisher back in the ring but Jericho grabs a Codebreaker for the pin to get us to the final four. That one I can understand as Jericho had an opening and Mike had one arm free instead of two so it was more taking an opening rather than saving Rey. Anyway Edge is in fourth.

Rey goes right after him and the beating is on. Jericho gets both guys down and can kind of pick his spots. Lionsault to Rey gets knees and an Edge-O-Matic gets two on Jericho. Spear misses Rey and the Codebreaker misses Edge. Jericho stops the 619 to Edge for no apparent reason other than hatred of Mysterio I suppose. Tower of Doom spot as Jericho gets a sunset bomb on Edge out of the corner as Edge hits a release German on Rey, who is more or less dead.

Here comes Cena and Edge does his best Vince imitation as he turns around to meet him. Cena goes off on everyone but mainly focuses on Edge. Various moves take down just about everyone as Cena is ALL fired up. Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge as it’s all Cena. FU to Edge is blocked by a Codebreaker to Jericho. 619 to Cena sets up the spear from Edge and CENA IS GONE!!! Edge is totally shocked that he finally pinned Cena.

It’s Rey vs. Jericho vs. Edge once the match gets going again after more or less stopping cold after that. Rey sets for a 619 to both Canadians but Edge gets out of the way. Jericho grabs the Walls but is rolled up by Rey to get us down to one on one for the title. Spear eats turnbuckle and Rey gets a rollup for two and a BIG reaction from the crowd which is totally into this.

Rey gets that soccer style kick to the side of the head for another long two. The announcers talk about the show vs. show thing which is rather stupid but we’ll just go with it as they insist it’s a big and important thing or whatever. Rey gets his fourth long two off a tornado DDT. Rey goes for some kind of a springboard move but Edge kicks him in the face to put him back down.

Powerbomb on the cage can’t hit as Rey counters into a facejam on the cage. FREAKING OW MAN! Rey modifies the 619 to kick Edge in the back of his head. In a SICK spot, Rey charges at Edge but gets launched into the air and into the glass which he literally bounces off of. FREAKING OW MAN PART DEUX THE SEQUEL WITH MOST OF THE ORIGINAL CAST GONE AND A WEAKER STORY THAT IS RIDING ON THE NAME OF THE ORIGINAL! Spear ends it as Rey is mostly dead already.

Rating: A-. Another great match here, but this is what I hated about it that I mentioned earlier on: Edge was distraught about losing his world title two and a half hours ago so he goes out and wins another. What could have been a big devastating loss for Edge that gave him something to do for a few months as he tries to get the title back is thrown away as he now has the OTHER world title and is just fine for it. It makes it seem like the world title is easily replaceable which isn’t what it should be at all. Anyway, the match was very fun and the crowd was into it the whole time, making this an excellent match.

Highlights and Edge’s celebration take us out.

Overall Rating: B+. With two matches that are very good for the titles and three others that are all not bad, it’s hard to say this wasn’t a great show. The show was based around those two matches and with both of them delivering how do you really argue this one? Yeah the other stuff is kind of weak, but the selling points of this show worked so what else can you ask for really? Good stuff and it flew by in the good sense of the term.

 

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On This Day: September 24, 2000 – Unforgiven 2000: Benoit…..WINS?

Unforgiven 2000
Date: September 24, 2000
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 18,092
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

 

Well we begin the new shows in this series here. The main event is a fatal fourway with Rock defending the title against Kane, Undertaker and Benoit. Kane and Undertaker are feuding because they’re Kane and Undertaker and Benoit was having a brief feud with Rock around this time that had some good matches. Also we get HHH vs. Angle in a match about Stephanie and Edge/Christian vs. the Hardys in a cage, which is a month after TLC I so I wouldn’t expect a tag match of the year out of it. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is the whole Judgment Day idea and how no one is forgiven. WWE really likes putting the religious overtones in these things don’t they?

 

Oh and Austin is back tonight, looking for who ran him over.

 

Kevin Kelly is waiting on Austin to get here.

 

Dudley Boys/APA vs. Right to Censor

 

We’re censors!” “We don’t like censors!” “Let’s have a pre-planned mostly athletic encounter to settle our scripted differences!” There’s your backstory. The APA and the Dudleys dances with Too Cool on Smackdown which wasn’t as funny as it sounds. Steven says his team will win in his hometown. D-Von vs. Goodfather to start which might be an Affirmative Action thing.

 

The fans, to no one’s surprise, want tables. Let’s see…four former ECW guys in this. No wonder the fans are into it. Bubba comes in quickly and the Ho Train misses. Belly to back gets two for Bubba. Buchanan is so mad he took his tie off. Bradshaw comes in to a nice pop and beats up Buchanan for awhile. Buchanan hits his pretty awesome walk up the ropes and hit a turning clothesline for two.

 

Venis comes in with his white pants and jokes run rampant. Fallaway slam puts Venis down and it’s off to Farrooq (how DO you spell that anyway?). This has been one sided so far which almost guarantees an RTC victory. Venis hits what is called the Blue Thunder Bomb on No Mercy and it’s off to Goodfather. D-Von is the one getting beaten down at the moment.

 

Val misses an elbow and there’s the hot (it’s Philly so it’s automatically hot) tag to Bubba. He cleans house 4-1 and again, why do face teams allow their partners to fight such huge odds? Doomsday Device puts Val down and it all breaks down. Steven slips in a kick to Bubba and that’s enough for Val to pin him. Steven was never legally in.

 

Rating: C-. Just an 8 man here and the fans are into the show already so it’s not like it took much. The ending was pretty clear after the RTC got beaten down so much. To be fair though every company has tendencies in their booking like that which if you watch enough you can almost always pick up. ECW was really bad about that. Anyway, this wasn’t great but it did its job well enough I suppose.

 

Post match Steven takes What’s Up and goes through a table after a big brawl to keep the crowd from getting more rowdy.

 

Stephanie is worried about HHH’s ribs but he says he’s fine. Tonight everything with Angle ends, including him holding back his temper. Stephanie looks WAY better with straight hair. Foley is refereeing this match for some reason. HHH needs to know Stephanie is ok with HHH going all psycho tonight and Stephanie says she is and she might have been wrong about Kurt. HHH questions the maybe aspect and Stephanie says she was wrong.

 

Jerry Lawler vs. Tazz

 

It’s a strap match. We’re also in Philadelphia so what are you expecting here? You win by pin, submission or four corners. That’s a nice change of pace so we don’t have to go through the whole dragging thing necessarily. These two hate each other in general so there’s no specific backstory given. Plus it’s Tazz in Philly so do you really think he’s not incredibly over?

 

Tazz takes over to start and hits a suplex. We go outside and Lawler gets choked while Tazz talks trash to Ross. Lawler takes over and chokes a bit but gets whipped hard. Jerry isn’t totally hated here and he hammers with right hands. To be fair though, when he’s on offense the fans don’t care as much. Tazz no sells a piledriver and then no sells another. Jerry hits a third (in Memphis the guy would be gone 4 months minimum) and Tazz gets up again but this time he collapses. Jerry celebrating is kind of cool.

 

Jerry gets three corners but stops to choke Tazz a bit and there goes the referee. Since it’s Philly it’s time for a run-in. And who better to debut in this spot than Raven? The place ERUPTS and Raven plants Jerry with a DDT. Tazmission goes on and Jerry is already out cold so the ending is academic. The fans LOVED Raven.

 

Rating: D+. The match was boring but the whole point was to prove to the ECW fans that maybe WWE isn’t totally evil. There was no way you could put Lawler over here and never let it be said that he won’t job when need be. Tazz was still serious here so the ending was all that mattered. Raven would be nothing for the most part but had some weird energy in WWF in 2001 which was cool to see.

 

Austin is here and the place goes nuts again. He beats up Kevin Kelly because that’s what Austin does.

 

Cole takes Jerry’s place on commentary. This is when he had blonde hair and is even stupider looking than he is now.

 

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki

 

This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.

 

They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.

 

Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.

 

There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.

 

Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.

 

Angle runs into Austin and is scared to death. I don’t think they’ve ever met since Angle’s first match was at the Survivor Series where Austin was run down. Angle runs his mouth and says Austin won’t win a gold medal. He tries to give Austin one and Austin is about to explode. Angle gets destroyed and the fans are very pleased. Angle is still just an upper midcard guy at this point so this isn’t a huge deal. He would however be world champion in less than a month.

 

X-Pac vs. Chris Jericho

 

Pac has been attacking Jericho a lot lately because they needed something to do. He runs to start which is what he’s been doing with the beatings also. Jericho is all mad here so he hammers away as does Pac. The announcers aren’t sure why Pac has been acting like this either. Dang that was a loud chop by Jericho. Jericho blocks a Bronco Buster with a clothesline and hits a spinewheel kick for no cover.

 

The springboard dropkick to Pac on the apron is broken up as Jericho is sent to the railing. Pac leaves Jericho laying out there with a bunch of kicks including a baseball slide. Back in and a spin kick gets two for the American. Off to a chinlock which Jericho reverses into a quick sleeper. Pac gets a suplex for two. He hits the Bronco Buster but stops to pose, resulting in a powerbomb out of the corner.

 

Jericho speeds things up a bit as we talk about HHH vs. Angle. It’s Stephanie’s birthday. She’s 24 today and that surprises me actually. Jericho hits a bronco buster of his own while Pac grabs some nunchucks. A low blow by Pac sets up the X-Factor for two. The kickout got a solid reaction. Another powerbomb sets up the Walls but pac grabs a rope. Jericho doesn’t care and pulls him out to the middle where he has to break. That’s good because it would have looked stupid otherwise. Lionsault is blocked and Pac goes up, only to jump into the Walls and we’re done.

 

Rating: C-. This missed for me. It’s not a bad match at all but it felt pretty disjointed at times and didn’t work all that well. Both guys did ok but the match was really nothing special at all. I’m not sure why but this whole thing was off by just a few steps and it showed badly. Again not a bad match but it felt off.

 

Pac hits him with the nunchucks post match, setting up a cage match at the next PPV.

 

Foley is warming up for his refereeing later. Angle comes in to rant and says he had a head cold the night before the Olympics. Foley doesn’t seem to care. It’s now No DQ. He’s Commissioner so he can do that.

 

Austin comes in to see Rock and they shake hands. He wants to know if Rock knows who stole his keys to the Rent-A-Car that night. Some named Just Joe comes in and says that he heard some information Austin might be interested in. Austin beats him up and leaves. That guy lost clean to the Brooklyn Brawler once.

 

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys

 

This is in a cage and the Canadians are champions. Pin/escaping. No submissions I guess. Also Fink says you have to go over the top even though there’s a door. Both guys have to escape though. We get a clip from Smackdown of the Canadians making fun of the Hardys indy stuff. Matt took a Concharito for his troubles. Big brawl to start as JR and Cole again leave submission out as a way to win. One pin wins it I think.

 

Matt hits a DDT on Edge so Christian is double teamed a bit. There’s no Lita here due to her getting crushed on Smackdown. The Hardys both climb but the Canadians get back up in time. Jeff gets up for what was supposed to be a Swanton Bomb but Edge shoves him off the top of the cage to the floor with NOTHING to catch him. FREAKING OW MAN! Matt hits the Twist on Christian but Edge saves.

 

I’m not sure if Jeff was supposed to go out that early because there’s no point to him being out there now. JR isn’t sure if he can get back in or not. Matt gets Christian tied in the ropes and Edge in the Tree of Woe but the Canadians make the save and suplex him off the top of the cage. Matt is rammed into the cage and now Jeff is trying to get back in, failing repeatedly.

 

Jeff is up on top of the cage now but he gets knocked off the top for the second time in 8 minutes. And people wonder why he had such a drug habit. He steals the key to the door and slides a chair in, only to have Christian slam the door on him. Christian goes out the door which doesn’t count here because this is a messed up cage match. He brings in another chair and I think you know what’s coming.

 

Matt is busted. He gets beaten on a lot more and the referee asks if Matt wants it stopped. Conchaitro misses and the Canadians have sore hands. A double clothesline puts them down and Matt goes climbing. He gets his feet over but Christian saves. Jeff has a ladder and hits Christian with it, knocking him out of the cage so it’s Matt vs. Edge now. Jeff is on the ladder and Edge can’t get to him and he’s all ticked about it. Jeff goes up and it’s Swanton time. Whisper in the Wind puts him right between the two of them because we don’t need to catch him or anything like that right?

 

Here’s Lita who hits Christian low and ranas him off the ladder. Who else can look that good in a swimsuit and bust out a rana off a ladder like that? What a woman. She’s holding her wrist after it though. Edge pelts a chair at Jeff and goes up but since he’s a heel he’s slower than Christmas. The Hardys catch him with chairs and give him a Conchairto, sending him flying to the ring. Matt and Jeff drop down to win the titles.

 

Rating: B+. The weird rules hurt this as again I don’t think Jeff was supposed to go out that early. Jeff’s bumps were absolutely scary here as he fell off the top of the cage TWICE. Lita served very little purpose here but the Conchairto made up for it. Also, it was Edge and Christian vs. the Hardys. Were you expecting anything less than really good?

 

Austin comes looking for HHH but finds Stephanie. She tries to suck up to him and has a gift for him. It’s the hat he was wearing when he got run over. Austin isn’t thrilled and Stephanie says go find Shane because Shane knows who it was. She can’t act. I mean really, she can’t. If she wasn’t so hot it might actually annoy me.

 

Foley is still warming up and HHH comes up. He talks about bonding with Foley a bit recently but tonight it’s all business. He’s going to do to Kurt what he did to Foley before. Tonight HHH wants to make sure it’ll be right down the line. Foley says that since it’s no DQ he doesn’t care what happens so he’ll call it right down the line. Maybe one day they’ll laugh together again but not tonight.

 

Jerry comes back for more commentary.

 

We recap Eddie vs. Rikishi. Eddie pretended to dance with Too Cool and beat them up. Rikishi came out for the save and they started feuding. Eddie cheated Chyna out of the IC Title and threw her out. Then he tried to reconcile which failed due to her being in Playboy, resulting in some bad comedy spots. Eddie blinded Rikishi, resulting in Chyna getting beaten up by mistake while Eddie did nothing to help. Eddie got out of it by asking her to marry him. This would all crash down next month when he got caught in the shower with two chicks, one being the future Victoria.

 

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rikishi

 

Cole is gone. SWEET. Rikishi dominates to start but misses a drop onto the chest. That goes nowhere as Eddie runs almost immediately. Chyna says get back in there and he says don’t tell me what to do. She shoves him and Eddie freaks. JR got an early copy of Chyna’s Playboy so Jerry is asking as many questions as you can legally ask about women. Eddie avoids the Stinkface and heads to the floor. Chyna accidentally distracts Rikishi and Eddie takes over.

 

Back in the Frog Splash misses and Chyna Warrior Princess is worried. Rikishi tries to throw Eddie in the air and catch him with a Samoan Drop but totally misses it, making it look like….like a horribly botched one man 3D for lack of a better term. There’s the Banzai Drop but Chyna comes in to break up the count. That isn’t a DQ somehow as Chyna begs him not to count the pin. Rikishi gets in her face and throws her inside. She gets in his face so he superkicks her and hits the Banzai Drop. Somehow that’s a DQ win for Eddie. Uh….sure?

 

Rating: D+. This was supposed to be heelish tendencies or something but his real heel turn, as in the one where he was revealed as the driver, was over two weeks later. I’m not sure what the point here was but the dance music doesn’t work with it at all. The booking here was really weird and the match wasn’t any good either.

 

Eddie gets the belt before checking on Chyna.

 

Undertaker doesn’t care who he beats tonight but he’ll humble someone and become champion. Not for about 20 months dead man.

 

Angle laments having a bad day when Trish comes up to offer a shoulder to cry on. He blows her off and says he has to go. This is Kurt’s lack of getting it and it’s still funny.

 

We recap Kurt vs. HHH. Basically Kurt wants Stephanie and kissed her after she got hurt in a match. HHH FREAKED and accidentally punched Stephanie in the process. Angle beat up HHH for it and cost him the world title. Stephanie is all torn and also keeps getting hit in the face by HHH by mistake. Foley made the match and for some reason is refereeing. Foley had no issues with Kurt so it made no sense. HHH wants to know what kind of a man wants to be friends with a woman that looks like Stephanie. Gay jokes started so Kurt hit him in the ribs with a sledgehammer then kissed Steph again.

 

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

 

Foley is referee and it’s no DQ. Kurt sings Happy Birthday to Stephanie before the match. I miss the My Time music. Oh and HHH has really injured ribs due to the attack Thursday. Angle goes for the ribs so HHH punches him. Why would you wear rib tape? I mean doesn’t that just make the beating worse? Don’t wear them and maybe the other guy will just work on your arm.

 

They hit the floor and Kurt is thrown into the Fink. HHH sets up the announce table quickly but Angle manages to whip him into the railing. Back inside now and HHH spears him and pounds away. Now Kurt is all fired up and JR admits it’s a big soap opera. He stomps away (Kurt, not JR) on HHH’s ribs but the Game grabs a DDT for two. HHH goes after Foley but the REAL American gets a German to the normal American for two.

 

Now Angle goes after Foley and is shoved down. A regular suplex gets two for Kurt. HHH starts a comeback and doesn’t really kick it into high gear yet. We look at Stephanie and good night she’s gorgeous. HHH is thrown over the corner and out to the floor, hurting his ribs again. Kurt is thrown into the steps and now the Game goes to that announce table again. Then he just stops doing that.

 

Kurt gets popped in the back with a chair and HHH loads up the Pedigree on the table. Angle blocks it with a low blow and hits a wicked release belly to belly through the other table. HHH is bleeding from the mouth. Kurt works over the ribs and does it the right way: he mixes up the offense on it with various shots and doesn’t stick with the same thing over and over again.

 

He tries a shoulder into the ribs in the corner but HHH moves, sending Kurt’s shoulder into the post. Angle kind of shrugs it off and hits a belly to belly off the middle rope for two. There’s an abdominal stretch which is the right move for something like this. HHH is cut near the eye. Angle fires off the moonsault but since it’s a Kurt Angle moonsault it misses.

 

HHH comes back but his left arm is pretty worthless due to the ribs hurting too much. He loads up the Pedigree but it’s a one armed version so Kurt isn’t dead. HHH waves Steph into the ring and says she has to choose. She hits Kurt low and HHH hits a regular Pedigree for the pin. She’s not thrilled but it’s more a look of shock than anything else.

 

Rating: B. That’s as high as this can possibly get. They never kicked it into a higher gear, but Angle wasn’t a higher gear kind of guy yet. He was still the heel that was a bumbling idiot but could turn it on when he needed to and that’s ok. He also hadn’t had his wars with Benoit yet to make everyone’s jaws drop at once. Either way, this was good stuff, although definitely not great stuff. JR talking about how there’s more to it is kind of stupid too as this came off like a blowoff match.

 

HHH kisses Stephanie in a weird hard way post match and she seems a bit messed up by it.

 

Too Cool are at WWF New York.

 

Here’s Shane who claims to have video proof of who ran over Austin, which is why Austin is here tonight. Shane hoped they could do this in private….which is why he came out into the arena. He says it’s not someone you would expect and it’s someone with a history of vehicular assault. We get a clip of Steve Blackman hitting Shamrock with a car about a year ago. This is the proof that Blackman did it to Austin according to Shane. They had just gotten done feuding if that clears anything up.

 

Here’s Blackman and he’s not happy. I may need some additional information here. He’s especilally not happy here. Cue Glass Shatters and Austin gets a huge pop. He’s got the Disturbed song now too. Austin hits all four corners and Austin gets in Blackman’s face. Blackman says he didn’t do it and Shane is here too. Shane is behind Austin talking trash. Blackman tries to leave and takes a Stunner. Shane gets some beers and Austin has a drink. Shane has a Stunner and spits the beer in a nice touch.

 

JR questions Blackman’s guilt and there’s a Stunner for Shane. Shane gets up after a bit and goes down again from a second Stunner. The place gets louder for each Stunner too. Austin leaves him laying but goes back to flip the fans off a bit more. This is Austin’s official return as he’ll be on Raw tomorrow. Shane gets up and takes a third Stunner to just kill him dead. There’s something awesome about Austin hurting people for fun and it never gets old.

 

We recap the main event where the idea is that Rock is a marked man. All four guys wanted to fight each other and all three said they should be #1 contender so Foley made the match. The video is about everyone beating up everyone.

 

Rock says he’s ready as only he can. He talks about what all three of them might want, implying Kane wants to be burned, Benoit wants to perform oral sex on a wolverine and that Taker gets a, shall we say, nice feeling from a motorcycle. As always, words don’t do these justice.

 

WWF Title: Kane vs. The Rock vs. Undertaker vs. Chris Benoit

 

One fall to a finish. Taker still has Kid Rock for his music here. There are about 7 referees in the ring to keep the brawl from starting until Rock is there. Taker vs. Benoit and Rock vs. Kane to start. No tags here so I’d assume no DQ. Now it’s brother on brother violence as Rock vs. Benoit is out in the crowd. Top rope clothesline gets two for Kane. Taker’s jumping version gets the same.

 

Big boot gets two for Taker. The others are back now and Rock gets a Samoan Drop for two on the Big Fried Freak. Rock and Taker put Kane on the floor so they can brawl a bit. Taker sets for Old School but Rock breaks it up, tossing Taker from the top and sending him to the floor. Kane is back in now as Jerry asks where Benoit is. There goes the referee. Taker caves Rock’s head in with a chair and Benoit does the same to Taker. The referee gets up and BENOIT WINS THE TITLE?????

 

Oh of course not as here’s Foley to say Taker was in the ropes. Did we really need a Dusty Finish here? Everyone is mad at Benoit for some reason and they stalk him up the aisle. Rock sends him into the set as does Taker. Back in the ring Taker gets two on Benoit with Rock making the save. We get a replay showing that Taker’s leg was on the ropes so at least it was correct.

 

Rock pops Taker in the head with the steps. Well at least he wasn’t touching a rope. Rock gets his move that is supposed to be an overhead belly to belly but is more like a random thrown. Rolling Germans get two for Benoit. The headbutt gets two and now Benoit is in the Crossface. Now there’s something you don’t see every day. Kane and Taker are back in now and Kane hits a chokeslam for two.

 

Benoit breaks up the elbow to draw MAD heat. It says a lot about Rock that the People’s Elbow, the most overblown of all overblown moves, is over in Philly. Last Ride to Rock but Kane saves again. Benoit cracks the brothers with chair shots and puts Rock in the Crossface. Taker FINALLY breaks it up after a record for most time in the Crossface. Chokeslam gets two on Benoit as Kane saves. The big guys slug it out and a Rock Bottom keeps the title on the Brahma Bull.

 

Rating: C+. Not bad here but it’s really just like any other four way main event you’ll see. It’s fine for what it was but it didn’t feel like a big deal at all at almost any time. The Dusty Finish wasn’t needed and slowed things down a lot and I’d have rather seen Benoit get it. Then again he wasn’t ready for it yet so I can live with that and totally understand it. Not bad but nothing worth seeing again.

 

Overall Rating: B-. Certainly not a bad show but it feels weak at points. Austin coming back was the real main event and that wasn’t paid off until about two and a half weeks later. The tag title match is good but they’ve had better and Angle was good but has had better. It’s that kind of show all around, so while it was entertaining there are far better shows worth popping in and checking out over this one.

 

 

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Hell in a Cell 2010: The Last Smackdown Main Event

Hell in a Cell 2010
Date: October 3, 2010
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

This is being written the morning after the show aired so I do know the results beforehand. The two week “build” for this show makes me think it’s going to suck. We also only have five scheduled matches for tonight so there wasn’t much to set up coming into last night. The Cell should be enough to make the show draw is what WWE is thinking I guess but the buyrates would beg to differ. Let’s get to it.

Guess what the video is about. Just take a guess.

The set looks cool as it has a bunch of stuff designed to look like a Cell wall. I like that.

US Title: Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

Apparently this is a submissions only match even though the name is just submissions count anywhere so it’s a bit misleading. Pretty clear Bryan is going to retain here even though he comes out second. Miz has the jacket back again too along with a mic. He’s called the Kenny Powers of the show and since he’s one of my favorite posters that’s a good sign. Miz says without him no one would know who the other guys are. He might be onto something there actually.

Both faces chase Miz to start us off and we get the standoff. Bryan gets a leg lock on him after a nice little wrestling sequence and we go to the floor without it being broken. That’s a nice little touch. We hit the formula of two guys fighting while the other is down. Morrison hits the Tarantula but Bryan makes the save. He then locks in Cattle Mutilation for like 4 seconds which probably blew up the IWC even though it wasn’t anything that special. A leg bar gets a bigger pop if that tells you anything.

Miz grabs a similar hold in an attempt to counter and they kick each other in the face a lot. Morrison hits Starship Pain (not called that for some reason) onto both guys to break it up. Haas of Pain (LOVE that hold) by Morrison is broken up by Miz. Corkscrew plancha hits (and I use that term VERY loosely) Miz and we head into the crowd. Miz gets a wristlock and Morrison breaks it up by punching Miz in the face. That’s always awesome.

Bryan is gone and in the ring for a good while here as the former tag team fights up the stairs. Miz gets a sick looking Dragon Sleeper type hold around a barricade and Bryan makes the save. I know I say that a lot but that’s what we’re getting a lot of: a hold for a few seconds and a save. We fight up to the stage a bit with Miz in control. Morrison throws Miz behind the stage and uses the barrier for a springboard to kick Bryan.

Miz literally shoves an anvil case at Morrison to take him down. This is kind of hard to call as it’s not quite a mess but there’s no flow to it in sight. Bryan is more or less dead on the stage after Miz shoves him on the anvil case. We get it: Morrison does some French training. You don’t have to explain it to us every 9 seconds. Skull Crushing Finale to Morrison on the floor and he’s out cold.

Bryan and Miz get into a wrestling sequence on the stage and it’s a double clothesline. Morrison is up somehow and climbs up the lighting grid and climbs onto the Cell set. BIG DIVE takes both of them out. How often do you get a THAT WAS AWESOME chant in WWE? See what happens when you have the young guys do their exciting stuff? Jomo gets a Texas Cloverleaf on Miz but here’s Riley for the save. A cameraman gets taken out giving us the eternally fun camera shot. Miz goes after Bryan while Riley has Morrison preoccupied and walks into the LeBell Lock for the tap out.

Rating: B-. Fun here but the quality was a bit weak. I absolutely don’t get the point of the submissions count everywhere aspect but it wasn’t horrible or anything. It was rather spotty at times but never boring which is the point of an opener. This was a pretty solid match and things seemed to work well enough. The big spots got the crowd going which is the best thing they could have done. Best possible choice for an opener.

Cole admits Bryan is for real. He toned down the Miz love in this match and it helped a lot. The repetition of stuff isn’t his fault for the most part though so I can’t blame him for that.

Ad for Legendary. I’m surprised this is the first one since we’re almost 25 minutes into the show.

We recap Orton vs. Sheamus, which really shows how stupid it is to have a Cell match for the sake of having a Cell match. Consider the first two matches. The idea of Michaels vs. Taker was that Shawn kept escaping Taker or having help from him. Shawn’s psychology in that match is some of the best ever as he was running the whole time and getting in shots where he could. It was like he was trapped in hell and this was Taker’s ultimate revenge.

The second was Mankind vs. Taker where the idea was they absolutely hated one another. The match happened so that they could absolutely annihilate each other and one man would not leave the Cell on his own. Those matches WORKED. This match is happening between two guys that aren’t fond of each other but are having this match because the schedule says we need to have it. Cena vs. Barrett could have a point to it as that feud has been going on for months. Taker vs. Kane belongs in there. This should be last man standing or a regular cage match or something, not Hell in a Cell.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

This Cell is taller and a bit more narrow. This stat sums things up very well: last year’s HIAC show was on October 4 so in one year we’ve had 5 Hell in Cell match. In thirteen years prior to that we had 16. That sums up this era better than anything I can tell you. Also tell me how this sounds: Sheamus is in a Hell in a Cell match. I like Sheamus but he DOES NOT belong on this level yet.

Another interesting stat: Orton is the only person to ever win the title inside the Cell. That’s rather surprising actually. Yeah they cover themselves by saying Orton is the only person to win the WWE Title in there. Unify the freaking belts already. Having two world champions is so freaking stupid sounding. Also there is a Hell in a Cell match second on the card. Does this just sound wrong to anyone else?

Loud RKO chant to start. I didn’t know there were so many old movie fans in today’s audience. Striker talks about speaking with HHH via e-mail. Holy subtle hint Batman! Yeah I’m stretching here since the first 15 minutes of this aren’t going to mean anything since this isn’t going to end quickly at all. We head to the floor for about a second and the stomping begins for two. NICE slingshot shoulder block by Sheamus to take out Orton.

Orton gets rammed into the cage on the floor and Sheamus breaks out the steps. Now Orton gets a shot with them and we head back into the ring. There’s no heat to this at all as it just doesn’t belong in there. It’s a glorified street fight with a cage thrown in for fun. Striker explains why the ribs are a good thing for Sheamus to go after since the RKO is a bit weaker if the ribs are hurt.

Turnbuckle is ripped off as Sheamus is in control. He gets a gutbuster onto the steps which have gotten far more focus in this match than the cage so far. And now, in a match based around terror and chaos and pain, we get an EVIL chinlock. Cole points out that Orton is the champion and Sheamus is the challenger. Well usually when one is champion the other is the challenger so at least he can follow basic concepts. He’s reached the level of an average 4 year old!

Orton makes his comeback and the fans get behind him again. The crowd is rather hot here which is a very good thing and is helping this match along. They want an RKO apparently. Backbreaker out of nowhere and Orton slaps the mat. Make sure there’s an orthopedic specialist in the building! There come the stairs again as Striker points out how stupid it is to use the steps when he’s surrounded by steel.

Orton counters again and hits a powerslam on the steps. IT’S NOT A SCOOP SLAM COLE! It’s good for two either way. The elevated DDT on the steps of course doesn’t hit but the one on the floor sort of does. RKO is blocked and Orton hits the post. This isn’t a bad match but it’s just boring for a Cell match. Make this a street fight and it’s far better. Irish Curse, the backbreaker, hits on the steps. It’s on Sheamus’ knee though so do the steps make that big of a difference?

Brogue Kick gets two and Sheamus’ face is AWESOME looking as his eyes bug completely out. A bunch of chair shots get two. A big chair shot misses and Orton gets the RKO to pop the crowd. The pale one rolls to the floor though so we don’t get a cover. Punt misses and there’s a second Brogue Kick on the floor. We’re just transitioning from move to move here with nothing in between it. RKO on the steps ends it. I’d buy that a lot more if Sheamus’ head actually hit the steps but you can’t have it all I guess.

Rating: D+. For a street fight this is about a B or a B+. For a Hell in a Cell match this is just ok at best. It was a street fight (and a good one) inside the Cell. That doesn’t mean it’s good for what it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a huge war inside the Cell and by definition, hell. This wasn’t the case here and while the match wasn’t horrible at all, this should NOT have been a Cell match. Like I said, make this a street fight without the Cell and it’s VERY good.

Orton climbs the Cell afterwards and poses with the belt. Cole wants it renamed the Viper’s Playground. Striker in a near deadpan voice: “Not yet.” Striker is the voice of reasoning. That’s almost scary.

Ad for Bragging Rights ad. It’s in three weeks. OH JOY! It’s also the night after a Lesnar fight. Yeah that’s not going to bomb at all. Nexus is advertised for it too.

Josh has the NXT girls in the back and they’re asked if they’re nervous. Nexus interrupts them thank goodness.

Alberto’s ring announcer brings him out. Again, his announcer has an announcer. That’s saying a lot. I do wonder where they get these cars. Cole wants to have his babies I think. Lawler wants to know if he can push 1 for English. That was rather amusing for a change. Alberto talks about beating up Rey and Christian. Gee wouldn’t Rey vs. Alberto be nice tonight? Some basic hometown sports jokes don’t really work.

Cue Edge’s music as Cole complains. Striker says Edge has over a dozen championships. He has over two dozen but why play him up I guess? Yeah he’s a face now. Edge runs down the stupid things Alberto has done which are rather true. They get into a Spanglish argument of all things. A Canadian is arguing with a Mexican in an American ring. The first W is indeed correct. And here comes the All American-American. HE MADE THE SAME JOKE I DID!

Swagger points out that the mascot on Smackdown was in fact a human and not a real eagle. Could they please decide if he’s a serious or comedy character? Swagger jumps him and Alberto bails. We have an e-mail and this is a match now. The computer has been upgraded it seems. Edge has to make a public apology tomorrow on Raw but this is a match right now.

Jack Swagger vs. Edge

Good thing Edge was in his wrestling gear. Swagger dominates to start as he had an advantage before we started. Swagger goes for the ankle which makes sense twice because of Edge’s ankle injury and the ankle lock. He keeps Edge on the mat and is in complete control. We hit the apron and Swagger tries to hit a German to the floor. Add that to the international joke from earlier.

When that of course doesn’t work because it would nearly kill Edge he switches to an abdominal stretch using the ropes. Edge’s eye is swollen up. Ankle lock is attempted as we touch on the ankle injury again which Lawler almost sarcastically says you told us that already. Edge gets us to even but gets caught in the ankle lock on the floor. The running up the corner belly to belly is blocked as Edge hits a missile dropkick, which is a pure face move.

Kind of an odd match here. It’s certainly not bad but it’s not that great for some reason. Belly to belly by Swagger but his arm is hurt. Swagger might be bleeding from the mouth a bit. Vader Bomb misses and Edge gets the Edgecution. Spear misses and Swagger gets the powerbomb for TWO. I don’t remember anyone ever kicking out of that. I think they mistime something as Swagger goes for a Dragon Screw Leg Whip while Edge goes for an Enziguri, making it look AWFUL. Ankle lock goes on but Edge gets a quick counter and spear for the pin. That ended very fast after the knee thing so maybe they were just playing it safe.

Rating: C-. Nothing that great here but it was VERY refreshing to see a match between the two shows. This is a fresh match we haven’t seen before and it wasn’t that bad. It was far better than seeing the same guys fighting again as it actually wasn’t predictable. That’s something WWE is sorely lacking anymore and switching the rosters up dramatically could work wonders for them. Match was a high level TV match.

Otunga has a plan to help Barrett.

Recap the Nexus angle which I’m sure you’re all familiar with by now.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett

If Barrett loses Nexus is disbanded. If Cena loses he has to join the Nexus. It’s kind of amazing that this is I believe his 5th singles match and his first PPV singles match. You can’t say they’re not pushing this guy to the moon. Long feeling out period to start us off here. Cena gets his dropkick for his first big offensive maneuver. Barrett drops an F Bomb but not an audible one.

We slug it out a bit and Cena sets for the FU but Slater comes out as a distraction. Barrett throws the Nexus out which is an interesting touch. Barrett controls and hits a second rope elbow drop for two. Their colors are now black and gold instead of black and yellow. Neckbreaker gets two as Barrett is finally getting to showcase his offense. This is already his longest match and it’s not even 8 minutes long.

Dueling chants begin and you can tell it’s mainly men shouting for Barrett and higher pitched voices chanting for Cena. Cena makes his comeback and he initiates his finishing sequence. Nexus surrounds the ring as the definition of interference is getting kind of shaky here. Big Show comes out and leads the charge of the locker room who come out to beat down Nexus. It says a lot when it takes about 15 people including Big Show to beat up four glorified jobbers. And it’s not jobbers coming out to beat them up. You have guys like Show, Kofi, Ziggler, Bryan, Hart Dynasty and MVP, as in former and current champions.

Wasteland is blocked and this is a pretty solid back and forth match. Also it’s good that they got rid of the Nexus about halfway through. FU is blocked and Barrett hits a butterfly suplex for two. Boss Man Slam gets two. Fameasser off the top is blocked the first time but Cena gets it for two. Barrett gets Wasteland out of nowhere for two. Cole is WAY into this. Lawler says something and I had forgotten he was there.

FU hits out of nowhere for two as we’re into the good part of this match now. STF goes on as Cena looks extra quick here. Cole is SCREAMING at Barrett to tap out. A planted fan runs into the ring, allowing the guy that appears to be Husky Harris to pop up and blast Cena in the head, allowing Barrett to get the pin and kill the souls of millions of children. This is likely Otunga’s plan, which he didn’t run past Barrett.

Rating: B. Solid match here with the ending working rather well. The Nexus wasn’t really involved all that much here and it helped a lot I thought. Barrett looked VERY impressive out there with a nice offensive moveset and solid ring presence. This was better than I expected and things worked very well here. Good match and it sets up some stuff for the show in the upcoming weeks. Also Harris and potentially another member joining is a good thing. Good match.

Nexus puts Barrett on their shoulders as the celebration is on. On a replay the fan that distracted things appears to be Michael McGillicutty but I can’t tell for sure. The fan that hit Cena was definitely Harris but he’s not named. Cena takes a long time to leave and various ages of fans are STUNNED.

Paper Jamz ad, the same from….two weeks ago.

Josh is in the back and runs into Paul Bearer. He cuts a short and cryptic promo about having his own master plan.

Make-A-Wish package from Smackdown.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

Michelle looks good in her gold shorts if nothing else. Striker tries to claim Michelle is the best in ring working woman ever. I’m not even going to make a joke about that because it’s not fair to make fun of people that stupid. Michelle dominates for a bit with leg based offence but Natalya takes over with power stuff. This is rather boring if you couldn’t tell. Michelle accidentally drills Layla and Natalya gets a rollup for two. Sharpshooter goes on, is countered into a heel hook and is countered again. Then Layla throws in her shoe for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Yeah I don’t care either. Boring match and not very good.

Recap of Taker vs. Kane which I’m sure you know by now also.

Smackdown World Title: Kane vs. Undertaker

Taker coming out with Paul Bearer just feels….right. They brawl outside of the Cell to start and Kane controls. Apparently this is before the match starts. Ah there we go. There’s the bell. Kane gets a chair from under the ring and beats the hell out of Taker. We fight on the floor again and this is more of a brawl than a match WHICH IS THE FREAKING IDEA. Lots of leg work by Kane which makes sense here.

A big boot eats cage though and Kane is in trouble. Taker hits the leg drop on the apron but Kane gets his low dropkick. The boo/yay stuff starts up as this is kind of a boring match. Old School is attempted so Kane hits him in the leg. Top rope clothesline connects but Taker grabs Hell’s Gate. Kane clearly taps but no one calls it. It’s not completely on and Kane gets to the floor to escape.

We get a double sit up and Taker’s eyes are awesome. More boo/yay stuff as neither can get control. Running DDT by Taker gets two. Chokeslam hits for Taker as his knee is fine all of a sudden. Kane does the same for two. Kane goes for ten punches in the corner, you know the counter, and it gets two as well. WOW that was a horrible powerbomb. Kane reverses a Tombstone into one of his own and the crowd is into it.

And there’s an uppercut for the slow counting referee. The referees come down to get him out so Bearer can slip inside. Bearer goes after Kane and Taker sits up. He gets another chokeslam and does the throat slit sign. The lightning and thunder kick on and a light comes out of the urn. Bearer shines it in Taker’s eyes and we have a standoff. Bearer of course hands it to Kane and Taker, like the idiot that he is, stands there and gets his head bashed in by Kane who hits a chokeslam to retain. A closeup of his face on the ramp ends the show.

Rating: D. Just like the previous match this was a horrible Cell match but not a terrible match overall. The problem again is the lack of violence and the lack of use of the Cell. However this one was even weaker in those areas than the first one, somehow making Sheamus vs. Orton far better. As I said that one would have been a very good street fight but this would have been boring no matter what.

These two getting 20+ minutes is just not a good idea. Their best match ever was two weeks ago when it was just a big freaking brawl. Them trying to have psychology in their matches and the leg work is always bad and this was no exception. For once though the heel turn makes sense so points for that. Seriously though, how stupid is Taker for trusting Bearer AGAIN? Did he say, “Hey Paul, sorry about that whole burying you alive stuff. We’re solid right?” The heel turn was logical here so I’m fine with that at least. Rating would have been about the same Cell or no Cell.

Overall Rating: B-. This show wasn’t great but it certainly wasn’t boring. They had a show here where stuff kept happening the whole three hours and it worked pretty well I thought. The double Cell thing is still incredibly stupid and them talking non-stop about how epic it was just made it worse but that’s to be expected. This looked like a disaster on paper but we got a solid show out of it. I don’t think it’s as great as people have said it was, but this worked FAR better than I expected it to. Fairly good show.

 

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On This Day: August 31, 2012 – Smackdown: Back When Sandow Was Losing In Longer Matches

Smackdown
Date: August 31, 2012
Location: Resch Center Arena, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

After last week’s huge mess, hopefully Smackdown can turn things around tonight. Last week was one of the worst shows I can remember in a long time, which is a shame as I used to love Smackdown. Anyway, we’re getting very close to Night of Champions now and unfortunately, Del Rio hasn’t been hit by a bus or anything like that to keep us from having to sit through another title shot for him. Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine at the moment is Del Rio vs. Sheamus. I can’t stand this feud and about 80% of that is on Del Rio.

Orton vs. Ziggler later. Gee I wonder how that’s going to end.

Here’s Sheamus to open the show. First up, he needs to praise HHH. Sheamus isn’t sure what HHH’s future holds but he has Sheamus’ respect. HHH is the embodiment of a champion, which is everything Del Rio isn’t. This brings out Damien Sandow of all people. He talks about how Sheamus is as ignorant as he is enormous because of his praise of HHH.

He goes on about Sheamus and HHH promotes a stereotype to the WWE Universe but Sheamus cuts him off. The champ doesn’t want to hear Sandow yap for twenty minutes so why not come into the ring right now and have a fight. Sandow says Sheamus isn’t worth his time but here’s Booker with a dissenting opinion. He makes Sandow vs. Sheamus for later, which is already more exciting than anything else from last week.

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody talks about how Rey is just like Sin Cara, hiding behind a mask. Rhodes uses his power advantage to start but he ducks his head, letting Rey get in a kick to the face. Cody sends him out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Cody hitting a spinning suplex for two. A release gordbuster gets two followed by some knees to the back and a chinlock.

Cody goes for the mask but gets sent face first into the buckle. Rey speeds things up and hits a seated senton followed by a big kick to the head for two. A knee to Rey’s head gets two but Mysterio kicks Cody into 619 position. Cody catches Rey’s legs but Rey counters the counter into a sunset flip for the pin at 5:31 shown of 9:01.

Rating: C. This was fine. It’s nice to see Cody having an actual story on Smackdown instead of doing nothing on Superstars every other week. I didn’t catch anything being mentioned about Rey and Cody’s history, although at least we’re hearing about how Cody used to be obsessed with his looks to give a reason to the Sin Cara feud.

Cody beats up Rey post match until Cara makes the save and puts a Sin Cara mask on Cody.

We get the first anger management segment from Monday.

Kaitlyn vs. Natalya

Eve is on commentary. Nattie takes her down with a headlock to start and the place is eerily quiet. Kaitlyn shoulder blocks her down and they head to the floor where Kaitlyn gets her head slammed into the floor. Natalya hooks an abdominal stretch and slaps Kaitlyn’s side which has to hurt bad. Kaitlyn comes back with some armdrags but Natalya clotheslines her down. The Canadian runs her mouth and gets small packaged for the pin at 2:45. Getting extra time is helping the Divas a tiny bit but this was more about Eve, who spent the whole match being the corporate suckup, which does nothing for me at all.

Booker is worried about the pressure of being Raw GM is getting to AJ. He says the match between Jericho and Ziggler never should have been made. Vickie comes up and says this is more proof that AJ needs to go. Sweet Christmas enough with the power struggle storylines already.

Raw ReBound talks about Punk/Lawler/Cena from Monday.

Anger management segment #2.

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow is taken into the ropes to start and requests that the referee does his job. Sandow tries to take it into the corner but Sheamus grabs his beard. To avoid getting punched in the face, Damien drops to the floor and things slow down again. The champ starts running him over with shoulders and Sandow heads to the floor again. This time Sheamus is tired of waiting so he goes out after Damien, only to have his knees sent into the steps by Sandow.

That gets an eight count and Sandow stomps away back inside. Off to a chinlock which Sheamus breaks pretty quickly. A regular neckbreaker (as opposed to the double arm version) gets two for Sandow and it’s back to the chinlock. This one is broken even faster and Sheamus starts his hard hitting offense.

Damien bails to the floor for the third time but Sheamus throws him right back in and hits the ten forearms. A slingshot shoulder block to the back gets two and Damien heads to the floor for I think the fourth time. White Noise is escaped and the Brogue Kick is ducked. Sandow rolls to the floor and sprints up the ramp for the countout at 6:51.

Rating: C. This wasn’t a great match, but it was a logical one. The idea of Sandow not being able to hang in a fight with Sheamus makes perfect sense and having him constantly trying to run and clear his head was a nice touch. This is exactly what Sandow needs: to be able to rub elbows with bigger names. He didn’t need to win here and certainly shouldn’t have, but having him in there is a good step in the right direction.

Prime Time Players vs. Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd

Kidd and Gabriel have matching yellow shirts which look like dresses on them. Kidd and Titus get things going as the Usos Tout about how they should be #1 contenders. Off to Young vs. Gabriel after the starters do nothing of note. Justin takes Young to the mat after making a blind tag, allowing Kidd to kick Darren in the face.

Off to Titus who powers Tyson down and brings Darren back in. The Players are very good about tagging in and out quickly. Tyson sends Young into the corner and tags out to Justin. An STO puts Darren down and Justin loads up the 450, only for Titus to distract him. Darren crotches Gabriel and hits the fireman’s carry gutbuster for the pin at 3:13. This one looked better as he launched Gabriel into the air and Justin was in free fall when he hit the knees.

Rating: C. I know I’ve used that rating a lot tonight but this was exactly what the rating implies: it was ok and right in the middle. I do like that the guys in the tag division are actually getting a little time every week. If nothing else it lets a lot more guys get on TV as opposed to showing up every other PPV and have a title defense that means nothing. These matches don’t exactly equal the Harts vs. the Bulldogs but they’re an improvement over what we’ve been getting the last few years.

The final anger management segment airs. Kane’s explanation of his history is still hilarious.

Here’s Del Rio with something to say. Alberto brags about beating Orton last week but doesn’t care to be reminded that Sheamus has beaten him every time. Del Rio threatens Josh but here’s Kane for protection I guess. Kane says he’s here to apologize for attacking Josh at Summerslam. Teddy comes out and makes Kane vs. Alberto.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kane

This is joined in progress after a break but it doesn’t look like we missed much. Kane pounds on Del Rio in the corner but Alberto comes back with some kicks to the legs. Kane comes back with a low dropkick to the head for two and an uppercut that sends Del Rio to the apron. Del Rio rams Kane’s arm into the buckle and follows it up with a kick to the shoulder. Kane will have none of that and hits a sidewalk slam to set up the top rope clothesline for no cover. Kane loads up the chokeslam but Ricardo pulls Kane’s leg. The distraction lets Del Rio hit a Backstabber for the pin at 2:46.

Post match Kane snaps and chokeslams Josh, but he apologizes while he does it.

HHH video from Raw.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler dropkicks Randy down to start and struts a bit. Dolph shows off a bit so Randy dropkicks him down as well in a nice touch. A slingshot suplex gets two on Dolph but Ziggler comes back with a neckbreaker and some elbow drops. Orton wins a slugout and fires off his clotheslines. The powerslam sets up the elevated DDT but Ziggler counters. Ziggler doesn’t get back inside though and Orton pulls him to the top rope for a superplex.

That only gets two and Ziggler comes back with a jumping DDT for another near fall. The crowd is starting to get into this. Dolph charges at Randy but gets caught in the Elevated DDT for another two. Orton was laughing while he hit that which was kind of a nice touch. They head to the floor with Ziggler being thrown over the announce table. Back inside and Ziggler misses the Zig Zag, allowing the RKO to pin him at 7:10.

Rating: C+. This was a fast paced main event style match, but man alive did they have to have Ziggler lose AGAIN? Orton is leaving for a few months to film whatever the next WWE movie is. Ziggler is indeed Mr. MITB and probably will win the title before the year is over, but as always in WWE, the idea seems to be to have him lose time after time so he can surprise everyone and win it all back at once. You know, because no heel can look strong in WWE and they all have to be cowards that steal every win they get.

Vickie immediately announces that Dolph is still Mr. MITB and says he did a good job. Yes, make sure you hammer in that the guy who is going to get a title match is such a loser.

Overall Rating: C+. This wasn’t a great show at all but man alive was it better than last week. It’s amazing how much better things are when you don’t have Alberto and Sheamus interacting. Seeing Sandow getting a match against the champ, even when he was mostly dominated and lost, was a good sign that there are big things in his future. This show toned down the stupid stuff and they got a better show out of it.

Results

Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes – Sunset Flip

Kaitlyn b. Natalya – Small Package

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow via countout

Prime Time Players b. Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd – Fireman’s carry gutbuster to Gabriel

Alberto Del Rio b. Kane – Backstabber

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO

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