Monday Night Raw
Date: December 11, 2006
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting close to the end of the year and that means it’s time for a new year. That would be New Year’s Revolution and we are starting to see the card coming together. In this case, that means we need to move forward towards John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Umaga and whatever else is added. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Armando Alejandro Estrada

Non-title. Before the match, Estrada says he knows no one here wants to see this match (Lawler disagrees) so we should just call it off. Estrada even offers a box of Cuban cigars to let him out of the match but Cena snaps one of them in half. Estrada: “That’s ok. Smoking’s bad!” How about Estrada’s diamond watch? JR thinks it’s out of the Uncle Elmer collection, and Cena snapping it in half might be proof. With that not working, Estrada busts out some cash and points out that we’re in a casino.

Cena takes said money and throws it into the crowd, meaning the match is still on. The destruction begins early with Cena knocking him around and easily blocking a brass knuckles shot. Estrada’s shirt is ripped open for the loud chops and Cena goes old school for the right hands to the head. The FU, with a smile, finishes in a hurry.

Post match Cena puts on the STFU but Johnny Nitro runs in for the save. Melina comes out as Nitro reminds Cena that he is training Kevin Federline for the Cena showdown on New Year’s Day.

Post break, Cena challenges Nitro for later tonight so Kevin Federline can get a preview.

Carlito/Jerry Lawler vs. Viscera/Chris Masters

This sounds like someone hit the random button on Smackdown vs. Raw. Lawler and Masters get things going with Masters hitting a quick slam. That makes Lawler think twice about things but Masters takes him into the corner for the tag off to Viscera anyway. The missed charge lets Lawler….get shoved by Masters so Viscera can hammer away against the ropes. Viscera drops the big elbow for two and we hit the chinlock, followed by the sitout chokebomb (that’s a big bump for Lawler) for two more.

Masters comes in and takes some forearms to the chest but spends too much time posing, allowing Lawler to get two off a sunset flip. It’s off to Carlito to pick up the pace, including dropkicking Masters down. Viscera cuts him off with a heck of a sidewalk slam but Lawler is back in with the right hands. The splash crushes Lawler in the corner but Carlito slips out of the Masterlock attempt and rolls Viscera up for the pin.

Rating: C-. I can’t believe it but this worked out pretty well. Lawler was working hard in there and Viscera was fine in the monster roll. Leaving Carlito and Masters out of the mix for the most part was probably a good idea, which makes things all the weirder. Lawler continues to be better at this stuff than a lot of people might expect and it worked out well here.

Cryme Tyme played the Highlanders in some Three Card Monte earlier today. The Highlanders get hustled, as you might have expected. Charlie Haas comes in (I didn’t expect that) to say this is perpetuating stereotypes so JTG says they’ll try to make this a more appropriate environment. Shelton Benjamin comes in and doesn’t seem pleased, meaning tonight, the World’s Greatest Tag Team is back. Haas: “HE SAID THE WORLD’S GREATEST TAG TEAM IS BACK! DY-NO-MITE! FOR SHIZZLE!” Haas and Benjamin leave, with Rory saying he didn’t know Haas was black.

We look back at Kenny helping Rated-RKO win a match but get beaten down by DX after the match.

Kenny comes in to see Rated-RKO, who doesn’t like him taking credit for the win. Orton: “As quick as you can say Spirit Squad, you got superkicked and Pedigreed.” Edge tells Kenny to watch him beat HHH tonight.

Next week: a special three hour Raw, featuring a thirty man battle royal with the winner facing John Cena for the World Title the same night.

Highlanders vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas works on Rory’s arm to start but gets taken into the corner for a top rope ax handle from Robbie. An overhead belly to belly sends Robbie flying and Shelton adds a suplex of his own. There’s a slam onto Haas’ knee but Robbie manages a Russian legsweep, allowing the hot tag off to Rory. Everything breaks down and Shelton kicks Robbie outside. Shelton jumps over Haas to land on the hanging Rory’s back, setting up a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. It isn’t like there are many teams that much better than Haas and Benjamin at the moment so the match result is hardly some horrible decision. The Highlanders stopped mattering a long time ago, even after the boost from Roddy Piper. Getting Haas and Benjamin back to doing something is fine, and this worked for a return.

This Week In Wrestling History: AWA SuperClash III, with a focus on Von Erich vs. Lawler and that horrible finish. Why yes, there is an AWA DVD coming out soon.

Edge vs. HHH

No seconds here, at least to start. HHH goes straight to the brawling and takes it outside to send Edge into the announcers’ table. Back in and the jumping knee to the face sends Edge outside again, followed by an elbow to do it again. HHH follows but here’s Randy Orton for the DQ.

Post match the brawl is on until Shawn Michaels, Kenny and Ric Flair run in for the subsequent saves. Cue Coach for the six man announcement.

DX/Ric Flair vs. Rated-RKO/Kenny

We’re joined in progress with Flair chopping Kenny into the corner so HHH can come in for a delayed suplex. There’s the knee drop as Lawler gets in a South Park reference. Shawn comes in to use Kenny’s headband for a choke, because veterans can cheap and be charming. HHH adds a chop block so it’s off to Edge, who gets taken down by the leg as well. That’s enough for Orton to come in and break up the Figure Four, meaning it’s time to hammer on Flair.

The villains start taking turns on Flair, with Edge forearming him down in the corner to cut off a comeback bid. An elbow to the head gets two on Edge and the armbar goes on. With that dropped, Flair chops him out of the air and hands it off to Shawn to start picking up the pace. Shawn superkicks Edge but walks into the RKO from Orton to put them both down.

We take a break and come back with Shawn and Orton striking it out until Shawn grabs a swinging neckbreaker. Edge comes in but misses the high crossbody, meaning HHH can come in to really clean house. It’s quickly back to Flair for the Figure Four but everything breaks down again. Kenny tries his own Figure Four but Flair small packages him for the pin.

Rating: C+. This did what it needed to do, including letting Flair come back and get a win to put him back on the right track. There wasn’t much to the wrestling but it told a nice enough story. Also, having Kenny in there to take falls should help Edge and Orton from taking all of the falls.

Post match the good guys celebrate but Edge and Randy Orton come back in to clean house. The Conchairto is loaded up but HHH makes the save with the sledgehammer, including using it to knock a chair out of Edge’s hands in a cool visual.

Johnny Nitro and Melina are on the phone with Kevin Federline, who remind him that they are going to take care of John Cena tonight (along with reminding him of who they are). Coach comes in and says hi but Federline doesn’t know who Coach is. With that out of the way, Coach announces that Nitro is going to challenge Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Title at New Year’s Revolution in a cage. Melina looks nervous here and they all walk off, leaving Ron Simmons to come in for the catchphrase while Federline is stillon the phone.

Torrie Wilson is freaked out about facing Victoria because she is on the hit list. Carlito calms her down, partially with his lips.

Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson

Torrie looks terrified and gets kicked down without much effort to start. There’s a catapult to send Torrie throat first into the bottom rope and Victoria bites off one of Torrie’s fingernails. Torrie grabs a rollup for two, earning herself the Widow’s Peak for the fast pin.

Post match Victoria checks Torrie off the list. Cue Chris Masters to hit the ring with the Masterlock on Torrie. Carlito makes the fast save and staring ensues.

Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title, Armando Alejandro Estrada isn’t here and Hardy gets shoved down in a hurry. The sunset flip is blocked but Umaga misses the sitdown splash. That lets Hardy hit a slingshot splash for two and the Whisper in the Wind sends us to a break. Back with Jeff kicking away at Umaga from the apron until Umaga pulls him down. They head back inside for the nerve hold, followed by….another nerve hold.

Hardy fights up so Umaga blasts him with a running clothesline for another knockdown. Umaga misses a top rope splash though and Hardy has a chance. The Swanton connects for two with the kickout launching Hardy. Umaga ties him in the Tree of Woe for the running headbutt. Back to back running hip attacks knock Hardy cold and the referee stops it.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty clever way to give Umaga a win without taking the title off of Hardy or having him get pinned. Umaga as being even more of a monster without Estrada around was a little more interesting and they are making the idea of Cena going after the monster more appealing. Nice storytelling here and it helped make the title match that much better.

Post match Umaga hits another hip attack and Samoan Spikes Hardy and the referee. So why would Estrada be at ringside for the Cena match?

John Cena vs. Johnny Nitro

Non-title and Melina is here with Nitro. Cena charges straight in and starts the fight early, including an elbow to the jaw. An even harder clothesline takes Nitro’s head off as JR is going on a rather long rant about respect. Nitro gets knocked outside as we hear about Cena being a huge wrestling fan as a kid. Lawler comments by talking about how Melina has some magnificent Muracos.

Melina pulls Nitro outside so Cena glares at her and clotheslines Nitro again. A legsweep lets Nitro put his feet on the ropes for one, followed by a dropkick to finally put Cena on the floor for a change. With Melina hitting a rather long scream, Nitro sends him into the steps for two and Melina yells even more. A neckbreaker gives Nitro two and he low bridges Cena outside to make it worse.

Back in and Cena wins the slugout, only to get poked in the eye. We hit the sleeper so Cena drops backwards for the crash break. Nitro puts it on again but Cena fights up to power out of it again. A belly to back faceplant gives Nitro two and the corkscrew moonsault connects, even if it almost wound up looking like a Swanton to the knee. Cena fights back up and initiates the finishing sequence, capped off by the FU for the pin. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C. I’m curious if that landing knocked Nitro a little silly and they went to the finish in a hurry as a result. The landing looked awful as Nitro almost landed on his own head so there wasn’t much room for error. Cena winning isn’t going to hurt Nitro, as he and Hardy can have a rather good match under any circumstances. Good enough main event here.

Overall Rating: C+. This show had the focus that they have been needing to get ready for the pay per view. Between the main event guys looking unstoppable and the other matches getting some attention of their own, I’m wanting to see the pay per view that much more. They still need to add a few more things, but we can cover that on next week’s special show. This week had its own tasks though and for once, WWE took care of them and more.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 4, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially on the way to New Year’s Revolution, which should be its usual riveting self. Odds are we’ll be seeing John Cena vs. Umaga for the title at that show, but first Cena is heading over the Smackdown to guest star in the Armageddon main event. Throw in Ric Flair being attacked (again) and DX has another reason to want to fight Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of DX getting rid of the Spirit Squad last week with the help of Rick Flair, followed by Rated-RKO destroying Flair later in the night.

Opening sequence.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena talks about how sometimes you are not going to be the biggest or the strongest, but last week he marched to the ring to accept a challenge from an undefeated monster. Last week Umaga said something to him (with Cena mocking what he calls gibberish), which Cena thinks was Umaga promising to stand there and stare while letting his manager do everything else.

Cena has a message for Armando Alejandro Estrada: he’s ready to fight right now, and if Umaga isn’t, he’s full of Samoan….and here’s Melina to interrupt. Cena: “Umaga, you look very, very different.” Melina says she isn’t feeling very good tonight but she wanted to remind Cena of his match with Kevin Federline on January 1. Federline is being trained by Johnny Nitro and is Melina’s friend. Cena: “Boys and girls, that is the reason right there you have to practice safe sex.” Cena laughs at the idea of Nitro telling Federline to be a man and wonders if Melina is responsible for Brittney Spears being….well what she is right now.

Melina slaps him so Cena loads up the FU but Chris Masters runs in for the save. Cue Coach to say he sent Masters out here to teach Cena a lesson. Cena: “HE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB!” Coach says we’ll save Cena vs. Umaga for New Year’s Revolution because tonight, Cena is taking the Masterlock Challenge. If Masters wins tonight, he gets……and Cena cuts him off, mocking the boring plan for Masters getting a shot next week. That’s cool with Coach, so let’s have the Masterlock Challenge for the title TONIGHT.

The former Spirit Squad’s Kenny, in regular clothes, comes in to see Rated-RKO. He says the Spirit Squad is dead so he wants to be on their side against DX. Kenny points out that they have security waiting down the hall, but Edge asks why Kenny thinks they’re in their league. Unlike the Spirit Squad, who was put in a crate and shipped off last week, they’ve actually beaten DX.

Lilian Garcia announces that Roddy Piper has undergone surgery for Hodgkin’s lymphoma but he promises to be back fighting soon.

Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Highlanders are in Piper shirts. Rory ducks a double clothesline to start and it’s a flapjack to Murdoch. Cade gets sent into Murdoch to knock him outside and the Highlanders clear the ring in a hurry. A cheap shot from behind lets Murdoch nail a big boot to put Rory down, leaving Cade to rip open the Piper shirt. Rory gets slapped in the face but Murdoch dives into the raised boot. It’s off to Robbie as everything breaks down until Robbie grabs an O’Connor roll to pin Cade.

Rating: D+. Another short match here, though I was getting worried that they would have the Highlanders lose in their Piper tribute match. Thankfully WWE actually thought it through for a change here and that is a bit of a relief. Neither team is going anywhere at the moment and the Highlanders aren’t going to be a challenge to Rated-RKO but at least they had a one off win here.

Video on Kevin Federline vs. John Cena, which is still certainly a thing.

Victoria vs. Maria

Victoria has a hit list, containing Candice Michelle (check), Maria, Torrie Wilson and Mickie James. Victoria kicks her down to start and finishes with the fireman’s carry spun into the side slam for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Victoria checks Maria off the list and goes after her again. Cue Mickie James for the save but Victoria kicks her in the head and hits the Widow’s Peak to leave her laying.

Earlier today, Cryme Tyme went to a retirement community and sang a holiday medley (Reggie the Red-Faced Crackhead, their version of Silent Night (pimps are mentioned) and Give Us Gold (to the tune of Let It Snow)). Then they try to steal a woman named Mrs. Johnson, but the guy in charge (as played by Kerwin Silfies) says not so fast. Johnson threatens to bust a cap in him.

Jim Duggan and Super Crazy thought that was funny but Shelton Benjamin isn’t impressed. Shelton doesn’t like the reinforcement of stereotypes and that set back race relations 20 years. Super Crazy’s lack of a grasp of English sets up a match next. Shelton says that Crazy can go back to selling fruit after he loses, so Crazy swears at him.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy

Before the match, Shelton complains about the racial stereotypes again and promises to send Crazy back to Mexico with a Spanish to English dictionary. Crazy snaps off a headscissors to start but Shelton kicks him in the face. Back up and Crazy avoids the Stinger Splash but misses the moonsault (Locomotion according to JR for a great line). Shelton grabs the exploder for the pin.

Post match here’s Charlie Haas to celebrate with Shelton, who looks rather confused.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Masters

Cena is defending but it’s a Masterlock Challenge instead of a title match. They take their time getting started and Masters gets the hold on so the flailing can begin. Then Cena accidentally crushes the referee in the corner and reverses into one of his own to make Masters tap. Did he even need to tap?

Post challenge, here is Umaga for the brawl and they fight outside and then back inside until security finally keeps them apart. Hot brawl here.

Post break, here’s what you saw pre break.

Viscera hits on Torrie Wilson, who says she should drop Carlito for him. Carlito cuts off the offer of oils and spits the apple in his face, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

DX insists that Ric Flair will be back because what Rated-RKO did last week was unacceptable. They knew what Flair meant to DX because Flair is their personal friend. Rated-RKO took Flair out because they can’t take DX out, so now it is time for them to suffer worse than Flair ever did. HHH didn’t say anything here. It’s a good angle, but I’m trying hard to make myself care about Flair being attacked again.

This Week In Wrestling History: Chris Jericho beats the Rock and Steve Austin in one night to become Undisputed Champion. Oddly enough, not on Peacock.

Carlito vs. Viscera

Torrie is here too as Viscera shoves Carlito down to start. Viscera hammers away to start and adds a running clothesline to break up a springboard. Back up and another springboard is swatted out of the air, only to have Viscera miss a legdrop. Carlito gets knocked down again so Viscera loads up the Visagra. Torrie grabs his lead and, while trying to hold back her broken up, crawls into the corner. That’s enough of a distraction for Carlito to hit a missile dropkick (or close enough as the camera cuts can’t hide how little of it connects), followed by a Lionsault (with the leg barely grazing Viscera’s face) for the pin.

Rating: F. The problem with Viscera continues to be that there is so little that can be done with him. Carlito isn’t the one you pick to put in there with him to make something work either, and the match was pretty much a disaster as a result. It doesn’t help that it was designed to move Carlito and Torrie forward, which shouldn’t need that much effort in the first place.

Post match Torrie kisses Carlito and stays close to him due to the clothes issue (which Lawler LOVES).

Kane is still in See No Evil.

Armando Alejandro Estrada tells Cena that he (Cena) and Umaga can’t touch each other for the rest of the year. Cena grabs him by the neck as Coach comes in and says Alejandro has been talking about how he runs Raw and Coach is nothing. That is too much for Coach (even if Estrada didn’t say any of it) so he makes Cena vs. Estrada next week.

Val Venis is here with the Kiss Cam and brings two girls into the ring for the final kiss of the night. Their first kiss is a peck so the fans boo, followed by a more well received version. Cue Eugene to say he wants a kiss, though he gets a bit too aggressive in his attempts. Val gets taken down for trying to break it up, with Eugene shouting I’M SPECIAL over and over.

DX/Hardys vs. Rated-RKO/MNM

It’s a brawl to start with the villains being sent outside so HHH sends Orton onto the announcers’ table a few times. Back in and HHH chokes Orton in the corner, setting up the tag to Shawn for the chops. HHH comes back in for the right hands, including a big one to the legal Nitro. It’s off to Matt to hammer away on Nitro, followed by Jeff coming in with a top rope ax handle. Nitro gets knocked down in the corner as the fans are all over Edge.

Back from a break with Orton coming in to hammer on Jeff, followed by MNM catapulting him throat first into the rope. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop lets Edge come in for the chinlock, setting up Orton’s knee drop for two. Jeff fights up and, despite slipping, hits the Whisper in the Wind to take out MNM. Everything breaks down and it’s a triple dive from Shawn and the Hardys. The spinebuster hits Orton but here is Kenny with a chair to Shawn’s head. HHH takes Kenny into the crowd, leaving Edge to spear Matt for the pin.

Rating: C+. They flew through this but it did what it was supposed to do by getting everyone in there at once. Kenny at least did something, though he does not exactly scream being the next big thing. It was a fine way out of something like though, as DX isn’t going to do a job in a fairly meaningless eight man tag.

Post match Kenny gets superkicked into the Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a bit but another Ric Flair Is Broken story and some rather awful/worthless matches in the middle of the show hurt it a lot. Cena vs. Umaga has a lot of potential though and that should be enough to carry us through the next pay per view. We are already at the point where you can guess the pay per card, but there are enough issues to possible result in one final shakeup.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 20, 2006
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and the show is mostly set. That is a rather good situation to have here as WWE is fresh off a European tour so they might not be going as hard as usual. You can always use a nice push towards the pay per view though and that very well may be the case here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Team Cena to get things going. John Cena talks about how they are ready to go but the Big Show had to jump him last week. If that’s the case, then come out here and let’s have this fight right now. Instead it’s Rated-RKO coming through the crowd with their pretty awful remix and the rest of their team. They are ready for Johnny Nitro to win the Intercontinental Title tonight and that is going to give them four champions on their team (plus MIKE KNOX!).

Hold on though as here are Ric Flair and some other legends, with Flair calling out Rated-RKO for winning the titles in a glorified handicap match. Rated-RKO and company are pathetic….and speaking of pathetic, here is the Spirit Squad through another part of the crowd with Kenny saying he has a special cheer for being the youngest Survivor Series captain of all time. Cue Team DX through the crowd, with Shawn Michaels saying we should start the Royal Rumble RIGHT NOW!

HHH offers a quick correction and make jokes about how easy the Spirit Squad really is. Now yeah Cena wants Big Show out here, but HHH saw an open case of Twinkies in the back so he isn’t coming out. HHH introduces his team but Edge cuts off the catchphrase, saying everyone is sick of them. Even Cena must be sick of them! Cena says not exactly, but he’s ready to fight Team Rated-RKO right now.

Instead here is Team Big Show on the stage, so Cena says let’s just have everyone get in the ring and see who is left standing. People start getting in but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt. We aren’t going to have a bunch of individual matches tonight, but we will have an eight man tag captain’s main event. That seems to work with everyone, though I don’t know how much choice they had.

Umaga vs. Sabu

Umaga knocks him down to start and the pace slows in a hurry. Sabu gets knocked outside and then thrown back inside so Umaga can knock him down again. Back up and Sabu hits a few hip attacks, setting up a springboard tornado DDT to rock the monster. That’s about it though as the Spike finishes Sabu in a hurry.

Rating: D. Just a quick squash to make it clear that Umaga is a mask. He does that kind of thing quite well and having him beat up Sabu worked well. Sabu is one of those people who can take a loss without being damaged in any serious way and I can’t imagine he is going to be that big of a factor in the Survivor Series match anyway.

Torrie Wilson is in the ring with the t-shirt gun and Jerry Lawler gets on the table so she can shoot one at him. Cue Chris Masters to say that’s a big gun, but has Torrie ever seen guns like his? Masters knows Torrie can’t break the Masterlock, but he knows some better positions for her anyway. Cue Carlito to interrupt and say that Masters may have big guns but it’s just a little pistol where it counts. Carlito drops Masters and hugs Torrie, which allows Masters to get up with the Masterlock. Lawler makes the save.

Johnny Nitro and Melina dedicate Nitro’s ladder match for the Intercontinental Title against Jeff Hardy to Kevin Federline. They’re winning tonight and then at Survivor Series, and then they are going to party with Kevin Federline after he beats John Cena on New Year’s Day.

Kenny picks Nicky to face Dusty Rhodes tonight. Hold on though as Kenny goes to yell at Ric Flair, who seems to be enjoying the company of Candice Michelle. Candice whispers in Flair’s ear and Flair smiles, but Kenny promises to end him on Sunday. Flair has two words for Kenny: WOO, and Ron Simmons, who is replacing Roddy Piper on Sunday, says the other. Kenny realizes he’s in trouble.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is challenging in a ladder match. They go with some grappling to start until Hardy is sent into the corner. Nitro charges into a raised boot though and Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind. Hardy sends him outside for the suicide dive and we take a break. Back with Nitro cutting off the climb so Hardy moves the ladder into the corner. For some reason Nitro climbs as well so he gets shoved down in a big crash.

Hardy dropkicks the ladder into Nitro for a nasty crash and goes up, only to have Nitro come up again and kick him down for the crash sequel. Back up and Hardy slams him onto the ladder but the Swanton only hits ladder. Nitro throws the ladder at him and it winds up hanging around Hardy’s head for a pretty awesome visual.

A dropkick drops Hardy and Nitro throws him into the ladder in the corner for another knockdown. Nitro hits him in the back with a ladder but Hardy brings in another one, meaning it’s a double climb. Hardy is fine enough to hit a heck of a sunset bomb down and then hits the signature jump over the ladder into the big legdrop. With Nitro down, Hardy puts the ladder on top of Nitro and climbs up to retain the title.

Rating: B. Rather good TV ladder match here with some pretty cool spots. Hardy winning should end the feud, at least for now, and they have traded the title enough over the last few weeks. You don’t get to see a match that feels this big on regular TV so it was pretty cool for a blowoff to a pretty how feud.

This Week In Wrestling History: Undertaker debuted at Survivor Series 1990.

Dusty Rhodes is ready to do various things to Nicky, including cooking and smoking. There are very few people who can make such nonsense work.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Nicky

They starts slowly with Nicky being smart enough to bail from the threat of the Bionic Elbow. Back in and Nicky gets in a few shots to the ribs to knock Dusty into the corner. A kick to the knee takes Dusty down but he’s back up with a few right hands. The gyrating sets up the Bionic Elbow and the strut into the big elbow drop finishes Nicky.

Rating: D+. What else were you expecting here? Dusty is mostly retired and it isn’t like the Spirit Squad is going to lose much by taking another loss. Nicky is just another name on a list of losers at this point so getting beaten by one of the biggest stars of all time is hardly some career death sentence.

Edge and Lita are enjoying each others’ company but Randy Orton brings Maria in for a question. She asks if the two of them are going to be able to win twice in a row….but there is some kind of hullabaloo in the next room. It’s Cryme Tyme yelling about something so Rated-RKO goes in, with Orton saying they are going to be champions for a long time if this is their competition.

Cryme Tyme calls him a metrosexual and….something else. Orton has no idea what they just said but Edge says he is down with this. He spent a lot of time, ahem, bonding with Whitney Houston videos when he was younger. Maria: “I LOVE WHITNEY HOUSTON!” After a pause over that, Edge promises to make DX just like Cryme Tyme, by beating them black. And blue. Rated-RKO leave but Cryme Tyme stop Maria so they can watch See No Evil together. Maria doesn’t seem interested by they put her on the couch and get rather close to her. Well that got rather creepy in a hurry.

Lita vs. Mickie James

Non-title and Lita has another stipulation: this time Maria has to be blindfolded. Coach puts the hood on her but Mickie gets in a few shots anyway. That doesn’t last long though as Lita knocks her down and hits the DDT. The moonsault (with the leg hitting Mickie in the face) finishes Mickie in a hurry.

Post match Lita grabs the mic and goes on a rant about how awesome she is. She single handedly revolutionized women’s wrestling in WWE. Before her, women were all eye candy but then she brought in moonsaults and Litacanranas. She has sacrificed her knee and her neck while the people yell at her every week. Without her, there is no Mickie James or Trish Stratus because she inspired a generation of women (true, at least on the inspiration part). That’s why it is going to be so easy to walk away on Sunday, because she is retiring after Survivor Series.

Rated-RKO run into Kenny and Big Show, which makes Orton think they are ready.

Here’s a look at the violence on the See No Evil DVD, because now we need the home video pounded into our head too.

Smackdown Rebound.

Survivor Series rundown.

Rated-RKO/Kenny/Big Show vs. D-Generation X/John Cena/Ric Flair

It’s a brawl to start before DX is here to even things up. House is cleaned in a hurry with Edge getting beaten up by all four of the good guys. Big Show saves him from Sweet Chin Music so they beat Show down instead. We take a break and are joined in progress with Kenny slamming Shawn to set up a very quickly broken chinlock.

Orton comes in for some stomping and Show drops the big leg. Edge pulls on both arms at the same time before Orton comes back in….to miss the RKO. That’s enough for the hot tag to Cena and the house is cleaned in a hurry. Everything breaks down and Cena hits the FU to finish Kenny in a hurry.

Rating: C-. This felt like they just threw a bunch of people out there at once and hoped for the best, which is not the worst idea in the world. They didn’t want to do anything too big before the pay per view and what we got here was good enough. Cena pinning Kenny isn’t going to hurt him as, again, the Spirit Squad have been portrayed as losers for months. The rest of the people just happened to be there too.

Post match the rest of the teams come in for the big brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Pretty good go home show here as it made me want to see the pay per view a lot more than I did before. Having all of those teams out there made for a really cool feeling and having them all in action on Sunday should make for a good show. I liked this more than I was expecting to and you could feel how important the whole thing is going to be when we get to Survivor Series.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 23, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 15,101
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the 700^th episode and that means we are going to be in for a pretty big show. It does not help that we are just a few weeks removed from the Raw Family Reunion show, but we only have about two weeks to go before Cyber Sunday so the push continues. We have a few matches set up already so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

We see a bunch of the media coverage from John Cena laying out Kevin Federline last week.

Here’s Kevin Federline to get things going. He’s back here on Raw for payback because everyone was talking about his appearance last week when John Cena laid him out. Federline isn’t a lovable loser like the Chicago Cubs though and he is ready to see Cena lose at Cyber Sunday. He brings out King Booker and Queen Sharmell, the former of which calls Federline’s album a treasure.

Booker can’t wait for Cena’s title to be on the line so he can be a double champion, but here’s Big Show to disagree. Show refers to the King as just Booker, which does not go well with the King. Show: “I’ll call you anything I want.” The two of them both tell Federline that they will win at Cyber Sunday but here is Cena himself to interrupt. Cena says this must be the dumbest lineup in the history of Celebrity Jeopardy, but he really sees a big royal pain in the a**.

Cena mocks Show’s acting legacy as the Staypuft Marshmallow Man and Jabba the Hut, plus his future role as the white Fat Albert. Then there is Booker, who called Federline’s album a treasure. Cena: “Booker, you have officially lost your status as a black man.” Ron Simmons comes in for the one line cameo (that was perfect) and Cena advises Federline to stop playing with fire (the album name) and to try playing with himself.

Women’s Title Tournament Semifinals: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina jumps her at the bell to start fast but Mickie gets in a few kicks for a breather. A quick suplex puts Mickie back down and we hit the dragon sleeper. That’s broken up and Mickie slugs away, only to get caught with a swinging neckbreaker. Mickie hurricanranas her out of the corner and grabs the MickieDT for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t much of a match but it was actual wrestling after weeks of nothing for the first round. I know the women’s division is completely worthless at this point but there are people who can wrestle, making the nonsense all the more frustrating. This was just a quick match, but after all of the terrible stuff so far, it was rather refreshing.

We look back at Umaga vs. Jackass.

Carlito/Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chris Masters

Shelton throws Hardy outside to start and Masters gets in a slam on the floor. Back in and Shelton grabs a chinlock with the fans all behind Hardy. Masters comes in but Hardy knocks him away and makes the hot tag to Carlito to pick up the pace. A Flatliner plants Shelton and the back to back corkscrew flip dives hit both villains. Back up and Masters sends Hardy into Carlito and grabs a rollup with a hand on the rope for the pin.

Rating: C. They packed a good bit of stuff into this one and while it wasn’t anything great, it did a nice job of building up the idea of Hardy having to defend against someone at Cyber Sunday. It is a little tricky to build up a match against no one in particular but they are doing what they can with what they have here. I’m not sure it worked, but the match was ok.

Edge and Randy Orton are ready to beat up DX on Sunday because they are sick of the lack of respect. Cyber Sunday is coming, so when Orton faces HHH tonight, the three nominees to referee the match (Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff and Jonathan Coachman) are going to be at ringside.

Johnny Nitro thinks Kevin Federline is a better rapper than Cena, but for now Nitro is going to prove that he is a better wrestler.

Wrestlers debate if John Cena or the Marine is tougher. Cena would like to meet his character because he has bad taste in people he would like to meet.

Johnny Nitro vs. John Cena

Non-title and Nitro has Melina and Kevin Federline with him. Cena starts fast by sending him into the corner and an elbow to the face puts Nitro down again. A Federline distraction lets Nitro hammer away though and a neckbreaker gets two. Cena gets sent outside where Federline slaps him in the face. The distraction lets Nitro hit a big dive and something like a bulldog gives Nitro two. A chinlock with a bodyscissors has Cena in more trouble but he powers out in a hurry. The ProtoBomb into the Shuffle into the FU finishes Nitro in a hurry.

Rating: C. I know Cena keeps beating Nitro but these haven’t been squashes and that makes for some nice boosts for Nitro. He is being treated as someone who might make Cena break a sweat and that’s a lot more than a lot of the other people around here. The Federline stuff is still annoying, but it’s not like it dominated the match or anything.

Post match Cena goes after Federline but gets jumped by Big Show and Booker. The beatdown is on and the heels pose….until Booker lays out Show with the Bookend.

Spirit Squad vs. Cryme Tyme

Non-title. Mikey slams JTG down to start and it’s off to Johnny to rip at his face. A suplex, with Mikey almost dropping him, gets two and we hit the chinlock. Back up and a leapfrog allows JTG to get over for the hot tag to Shad and it’s time to clean house. The G9 finishes Mikey in a hurry. Short and to the point, as Cryme Tyme continues to look like stars.

Post match Kenny goes on a rant about how he is sick of the losing, especially to a bunch of old people. Therefore, he is going to beat Ric Flair on his own.

This Week In Wrestling History: WCW’s Chamber Of Horrors (Voiceover: “Yes I said electrocuting him.”). The snark is high with this one.

Eugene, in a Chicago Bears jersey, is shooting out t-shirts when Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada interrupt. Estrada talks about the fans being able to choose if Umaga faces Chris Benoit, Sandman or Kane at Cyber Sunday….and Eugene shoots him low with a t-shirt. Umaga destroys Eugene as usual.

Video on the Japanese tour.

Jim Duggan tells Eugene he was too nice of a guy out there….and Eugene jumps him but seems to immediately regret it.

Kenny vs. Ric Flair

The Spirit Squad is here with Kenny but Flair didn’t believe what he said anyway, so here are Sgt. Slaughter, Roddy Piper and Dusty Rhodes to even things up. Kenny runs him over for an early two but Flair is back with the chops. Mikey grabs Flair’s foot though and Kenny gets a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Post match the brawl is on with the Squad being cleared out (minus Kenny, who ran off). Old school dancing ensues.

Robert Patrick is in the Marine. Good grief wrap this stuff up already.

Brooke Hogan has an album coming out tomorrow.

DX is in the back to plug their merchandise but they’re also not worried about Randy Orton and Edge. They drop down like they’re in an elevator….but Shawn says it’s out of order and walks away like he is going down a flight of stairs. Shawn’s lame dad jokes are always good for a chuckle.

Cyber Sunday rundown.

Vince McMahon runs into Eric Bischoff and Jonathan Coachman. They’re cool with each other before the main event and Vince plugs Controversy Creates Cash.

We look back at Cena getting beaten down.

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Eric Bischoff, Jonathan Coachman, Shawn Michaels, Lita and Edge are all at ringside, though Vince is off on the phone with his broker. After a quick joke about Edge and Orton’s relationship, we’re ready to go. We take a break before the bell (it’s so easy) and HHH starts fast with a knee to the face into a suplex. Orton is already out on the floor so HHH posts him and takes it back inside.

Orton gets in a shot to the face and grabs a DDT, setting up the posing. The big knee drop gets two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and HHH hits a jumping knee to the heel, only to have Lita grab the leg. Orton gets in the backbreaker but the RKO is broken up, with Orton being shoved into both the referee and Shawn. Edge spears HHH so Shawn superkicks Coach. Shawn gets posted by Edge but Bischoff hands Orton a chair to knock HHH out for the pin (as JR’s voice is almost out).

Rating: C+. It is usually better to keep this one short and that is what they did here. Orton vs. HHH does not have the best chemistry so having them out there for about seven minutes with interference makes it a little bit better. It was also the right way to go as Orton needed to win a match, even if it should have happened last week.

Overall Rating: C. I like the fact that they didn’t make this feel like some big, special show after the Raw Family Reunion a few weeks back. This show focused on Cyber Sunday, as it should have, because the show is in less than two weeks. I’m not exactly interested in a lot of what they are doing, but a little bit of a build is better than none at all. Not a great show here, but at least they did something.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 29, 2006
Location: Tacoma Dome, Tacoma, Washington
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to One Night Stand and the top of the show is starting to take place. Given that it isn’t a traditional show, there is a good chance that we won’t be seeing much more than just the two main matches. I’m not sure what we’re going to see on the way there, but Rob Van Dam vs. John Cena needs some build. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the traditional Memorial Day video. That’s always nice to see.

Here’s Vince McMahon to get things going. He gets to the point by saying that losing HHH was like losing one of his own (maybe not the best illustration on Memorial Day) and we see HHH hitting Shane McMahon with the sledgehammer two weeks ago. Shane is still recovering but he has a lot of headaches. As for everything else, Shawn Michaels is no more because of what the Spirit Squad did to him last week.

After looking at Shawn’s knee being destroyed, Vince talks to Shawn at home, suggesting that the fans are chanting various insults at him. There is always a place for Shawn in WWE though. Maybe he could set the ring up or be a timekeeper or something like that. We also look at HHH turning on the Spirit Squad last week, which has Vince flabbergasted. Vince is ready to see HHH’s true colors tonight, as he faces Kenny.

Other than that though, Vince needs to announce a new General Manager, but there is no one who fits the requirements. Instead, here’s his new Executive Assistant: Jonathan Coachman. Coach comes out to announce some matches tonight, including John Cena vs. someone he has never faced before, Edge vs. Big Show, with the winner getting a WWE Title shot at Vengeance, and Shelton Benjamin defending the Intercontinental Title against Kane. Coach thanks Vince for the chance but Vince orders him to get HHH in his office right now.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin

Kane is challenging and knocks Shelton down before the bell to start fast. Shelton slips out of a suplex to start and hammers away, which earns him a big boot to the floor. We take a break and come back with Shelton holding a chinlock, thanks to posting Kane while we were away. Shelton kicks him in the head but Kane sits up and hits another big boot. There’s the side slam into the top rope clothesline.

The chokeslam is countered into a rollup but even the feet on the ropes isn’t enough to keep the title. The Dragon Whip is countered as well but the counter is countered into a spinning DDT. Shelton’s Stinger Splash hits Kane’s back so Shelton tries one to his face, which is countered into a chokeslam. That should be it, but here’s Kane’s old music and….a guy in a really bad Kane Halloween costume, complete with the old mask. The real Kane is even more confused and gets chokeslammed as the match was thrown out somewhere in there.

Rating: D+. What we got wasn’t too bad but I don’t see this Kane vs. Kane story going very well. The Undertaker vs. Undertaker idea didn’t work twelve years before this and something tells me that the modern version isn’t going to be better. If nothing else, at least find a better costume. Like the inverted red and black one which always looked great.

Post break, here’s what you saw pre-break, which might not be the best thing to remind the fans about.

Coach is looking for HHH but runs into Armando Alejandro Estrada, who offers Vince his services instead. With Coach gone, Viscera pins Estrada face first against the wall and swears vengeance on Umaga as I try not to imagine various thrusting motions.

HHH comes in to see Vince and tries to calm things down. Vince makes tonight’s main event a Spirit Jack match, with a Spirit Squad member in each corner. HHH: “You would do that for me?” He promises to bring a friend of his own, and happens to have his sledgehammer.

Umaga vs. Viscera

Umaga jumps him before the bell and sends Viscera face first into the ramp. They get in and the Samoan Spike finishes in thirty seconds. They kept cutting to Lilian Garcia because she and Viscera are still a thing.

More See No Evil stuff.

Torrie Wilson/Beth Phoenix vs. Victoria/Candice Michelle

Trish Stratus and Mickie James are the thirds. Beth and Victoria slug it out to start, with Lawler making “trading licks” jokes. Torrie comes in to help Beth with a double chop, followed by the Stink Face. Victoria slams her down and hands it off to Candice for a Vader Bomb. A dancing elbow gets two but another misses, allowing the hot tag to Beth to clean house. Beth knocks Victoria into Mickie and finishes Candice with a Michinoku Driver.

Rating: D. They did what they were trying to do here by introducing Beth and letting her get a win, though you can only get so far with Torrie and Candice working a good chunk of the match. They’re trying to do something new though and just adding Beth and Mickie is a great breath of fresh air. The division has needed that for years so maybe this can help.

Back from a break with Lawler ranting about how bad ECW, including several shots at Tazz, but here’s Rob Van Dam to interrupt. Van Dam doesn’t hit Lawler but does sit in on commentary, suggesting that Lawler hang up his boots like Tazz did. Wouldn’t that be just the same situation that Lawler is in now? Think this stuff through Rob.

John Cena vs. Johnny Nitro

Non-title and the Nitro, with Melina, push begins. That entrance really does make them seem like some of the biggest stars around. Melina gives Nitro a kiss on the cheek to start but Cena punches him in the face to get things going in a hurry. Nitro kicks him down and drops the breakdancing legdrop before hammering away in the corner. Lawler and Van Dam argue about ECW on commentary (you can tell Lawler really didn’t like it and that helps a lot) as Cena makes the comeback (about two minutes into the match), hits all of his signature stuff, and finishes clean with the STFU in a hurry.

Rating: D+. Well ok then. I understand that Nitro, a career tag guy so far, shouldn’t be beating or realistically even hanging with Cena, but maybe they shouldn’t put him against Cena in his singles debut. Aside from the legdrop and a few right hands, this was all Cena, who barely looked like he broke a sweat. I’m not sure I get this, as someone like Chris Masters or any other midcard heel would have been far more expendable and been able to do the same thing.

Cena and Van Dam have a staredown post match until Nitro sidesteps a charging Nitro to send him into Rob.

Here are Mick Foley, with the Hardcore Title, and Paul Heyman, at face to face podiums for a chat. Foley talks about Heyman calling him a prostitute last week and yeah Foley is guilty. If you’re here to see men of principles taking a stand, you’re in the wrong place. The only difference between ECW Mick Foley and WWE Mick Foley is Mick has traded up for a billion dollar pimp in Vince McMahon.

That brings him to One Night Stand, which is where Foley gets upset. How can ECW claim to be hardcore after he and Edge tore the house down at Wrestlemania? Either way, Foley wishes Heyman and his porn addicted, pot smoking band of Mick Foley wannabes with their show. Heyman says that would mean more if it didn’t come from a Terry Funk knockoff. Foley admits that Funk is the greatest wrestler he has ever seen and Dreamer was tough but they couldn’t do what he did. Heyman: “Pull a sock out of their crotch, put it on his hand and entertain Vince McMahon while he was in the hospital?”

Foley says Funk and Dreamer had “Bingo Hall Balls” because they would never venture to WWE (uh…..) and do what Foley did. Foley goes around to Heyman’s side and says you either left ECW as a drunk, a drug addict, a criminal or a corpse. Heyman just resents Foley for becoming the biggest star the industry has ever seen. That’s not true actually, as Heyman’s issue is that Foley is a w****.

However, Heyman wants Foley to understand the new vision for ECW. It isn’t just going to be about flaming tables and piledriving women (Heyman: “We’ll still have some of that.”) but as Foley knows, ECW is coming back full time (if that had been mentioned before, it was completely in passing). Anyone from Raw or Smackdown is welcome to jump over, but Vince has also given him two Draft picks, one from each show.

Foley says the Raw pick is going to be Rob Van Dam, because Rob really was, ahem, a high flier. Heyman: “The Kool-Aid comes in many forms Mick.” As for the Smackdown pick….Foley cuts him off, suggesting that it is going to be a scarred up Mick Foley ripoff. Actually it’s someone ECW has been wanting for some time and he’s here tonight: KURT ANGLE. Foley is ready to fight and is taken down in a heartbeat, setting up the Angle Slam to send Foley leaving.

There’s a lot to unpack here, and that’s a good thing. First of all, these two were the perfect picks for this argument as they are two of the best talkers ever and Foley can easily keep up with Heyman when he’s on. Heyman can get away with calling out Foley’s hypocrisy and make you believe every bit of it, which isn’t something everyone can do.

Then there’s the ECW relaunch, which is a pretty big deal of its own. Having big names come over will help it, but the one thing I always got out of it was that it wasn’t WCW, the AWA, WCCW or something else coming back or some new show. It was ECW, which does say something about the impact that it had. At the very least there was a nostalgia for it, which says a lot about a company that wasn’t really around that long. It’s cool to see it coming back, though I don’t know how much faith you could have put into WWE to do it right, even from here.

This Week In Wrestling History: Andre the Giant debuts, June 1, 1971. Dang it why can’t these clips be on the Network?

Edge vs. Big Show

Lita is here with Edge and the winner gets a World Title shot at Vengeance. JR: “This is a Wrestlemania like environment.” I don’t remember many #1 contenders matches at Wrestlemania. Edge ducks a chop in the corner to start and slugs away but the second chop attempt works rather well. Another chop puts Edge down but Lita grabs Show’s foot so Edge can slug away to no avail.

Show hits Snake Eyes but Edge manages to snap him throat first off the top. The charge sends Show head first into the buckle and Edge manages an Impaler. The spear is countered into a chokeslam attempt so Edge throws the referee down. Edge is sent outside and grabs a chair, which is swatted away. Lita gets in a low blow so now it’s a chair, setting up the spear to finish Show.

Rating: D+. We haven’t been having very good matches tonight but they are accomplishing their goals, which is much more important. Edge cheated over and over here but gets a title match out of it, which I’ll take over them just announcing his shot at Vengeance. This did what it was supposed to do and that is what matters most.

Yet another See No Evil video.

Smackdown Rebound.

HHH, with sledgehammer, runs into Vince, who takes the hammer away and says not tonight.

Kenny vs. HHH

The Spirit Squad is here too. HHH punches him down to start so Kenny bails to the floor. A neck snap across the top rope lets Kenny take over for all of a second before HHH runs him over again. The jumping knee to the arm region looks to set up the Pedigree but Mitch grabs the leg. Mitch is sent hard into the steps and some more of the Squad is knocked down as we take a break.

Back with Kenny still in trouble and HHH beating up the Squad for trying to help him up. The triple teaming puts HHH down for a change and Kenny gets two. A right hand into some choking from the floor sets up another right hand but Kenny is sent shoulder first into the post. More interference lets Johnny kick HHH in the face to give Kenny two and the group stomping is on again.

Back in and Kenny Tunes Up The Band but HHH counters (he’s seen it enough) with a DDT. A low blow cuts HHH down again though and it’s time to wrap the knee around the post a few times. Kenny starts pulling on the knee and drops some elbow but HHH kicks Mikey into the ropes to crotch Kenny down. The facebuster starts the comeback and HHH pounds away in the corner. There’s the spinebuster but the Pedigree attempt is broken up by more distractions. The next attempt is enough to finish Kenny off.

Rating: C-. While it was better than the rest of the matches on the show (the time helped a lot), this was a little bit too much HHH, as not only did he survive the 5-1 beatdown, but he won the match as clean as can be expected. It wasn’t the worst match, but HHH winning over these odds is kind of a lot to take.

Post match the beatdown is still on but HHH whips out a spare sledgehammer. HHH cleans house but here’s Vince to say next week, HHH joins his special club.

Overall Rating: D+. And there goes the hot streak, as they did advance stories in a logical way but it also included so many bad to very bad matches that the storyline stuff was overwhelmed. Throw in the double Kane thing and there was only so much that could be done. The Heyman/Foley showdown was rather good (as you might have guessed), but there were so many things that felt either shortsighted or just dumb that it was knocked backwards. Bad show, and hopefully not the start of a trend.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 15, 2006
Location: United Spirit Arena, Lubbock, Texas
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things are getting interesting around here as we have the mostly uncombined forces of John Cena, Shawn Michaels and HHH vs. Vince and Shane McMahon, plus the Spirit Squad. It’s certainly a different enough looking feud and I’m curious about how it is going to go. Throw in the new alliance of Edge/Mick Foley/Lita and things are actually getting good. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH

Raw World Title/Intercontinental Title: John Cena/Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin/HHH/Chris Masters

Cena and Van Dam are defending, there are no tags and one fall to a finish. It’s a brawl to start with Cena and HHH brawling on the floor while Van Dam hurricanranas Shelton. Van Dam hits a big running flip dive to take everyone out and we take a break. Back with Cena hitting a running shoulder into a powerslam but HHH sends him outside.

Shelton hits a spinwheel kick to send Cena over the barricade and it’s Van Dam getting triple teamed. HHH and Shelton get in an argument over the pin so Masters puts Van Dam in the Masterlock, which is the smartest thing he has ever done. That’s broken up so Van Dam spinwheel kicks Benjamin and Cena is back in for the running clotheslines.

There’s the Shuffle to Masters but Cena has to backdrop his way out of the Pedigree. Masters breaks up the STF on Benjamin but Rob comes back in with the Five Star. HHH gives Van Dam the Pedigree and there’s an FU to Masters. Another Pedigree takes Cena down but Shelton covers Van Dam for the Intercontinental Title just a second before HHH covers Cena for a nice annoyed visual from HHH.

Rating: C+. This was a complete action match and I liked the concept. There’s something fun about the complete insanity and having different options for people to win titles. Shelton getting the title back is a little annoying but Van Dam can move on with the briefcase, which is a lot more important anyway.

During the break, HHH wasn’t interested in commenting.

Here’s Trish Stratus, with the arm still in a sling, for a chat. She and Mickie James have some unfinished business so get down here right now. Mickie comes down and she’s ready to go but the blonde fan from last week jumps in. The fan chases Mickie off and Trish names her as Beth. The new woman shouts that Mickie is a psycho and Beth isn’t forgetting what Mickie did to her.

Clip from the See No Evil premiere with a bunch of wrestlers in attendance.

This week in wrestling history: Bruno Sammartino b. Buddy Rogers in 48 seconds to win the World Title. This isn’t on the Network for some reason.

Shane McMahon comes in to see HHH, who wants to know what that was. Apparently that was HHH’s title shot so now it’s time for HHH to return the favor. Shane mentions the main event, where he’ll be the guest referee. I’m not sure what that has to do with HHH but how else were they going to make that announcement?

Tag Team Titles: Spirit Squad vs. Goldust/Snitsky

The Squad (Johnny/Nicky) is defending. Johnny’s headlock doesn’t work so it’s off to Goldust for the jumping hip attack. Nicky comes in and gets his arm cranked a bit until the rest of the Squad trips Goldust down. The front facelock keeps Goldust in trouble and a clothesline gives Johnny two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Goldust fights up for the powerslam. The hot tag brings in Snitsky to clean house but it’s a springboard bulldog from Mikey to put him down and give Johnny the retaining pin.

Rating: D+. There was no drama and it was the usual shenanigans from the Squad. They’re exciting enough with the trampoline and all that jazz, but they work a lot better as the goons than as the team holding the titles. It was passable for a short enough match, but that’s about all you can give it here.

Here’s Mick Foley, who says it’s true: Melina was looking at him at Kane’s movie premiere (Foley: “YES!”). As for last week, it’s true that he attacked Tommy Dreamer and kissed Lita, the girlfriend of his sworn enemy, on the hand. He owes us an apology, so he does just that but since Tommy Dreamer can’t be here due to a bad reaction to a barbed wire baseball bat.

Instead, Foley has a special guest: TERRY FUNK, complete with a clip of the dumpster match from Wrestlemania XIV. Foley gives him a warm greeting but Terry says not so fast Cactus. Funk wants to know why Foley did what he did to Tommy Dreamer. Foley: “You don’t want to know.” Mick talks about the history he made with Edge at Wrestlemania but now you have ECW freaks coming in and trying to talk about hardcore.

There are three things Foley will defend with his life: the honor of his wife, the honor of his children and the honor of his legacy as a hardcore wrestling. Funk says Foley is ECW, which means he’s family. They have broken each others’ bones over the years and fought together, but Funk has always put his arm around Foley. Funk says Foley is like a son to him and they hug, with Foley seeming touched.

Foley says this is the first time they have been in a WWE ring together since 1998, but it wasn’t supposed to be that long. Back in 2003, Foley was honored in a ceremony on Raw with all of the hardcore legends….except Terry Funk. Foley asked where Funk was but was told that Terry was at home because he wanted too much money to be there. Funk gets serious and Foley tells him to shut his mouth.

Foley is going to get a phone call a few years from now, saying that Funk is gone and they want him at the funeral. He’ll come but it’s going to cost a lot of money to make Foley come to a dump like west Texas. Foley will cash in the frequent flier miles if he has to but he’ll there just so he can spit on Funk’s grave. Funk: “YOU GOT YOUR NERVE FOLEY! I’M GONNA JOHN WAYNE YOUR A**!”

Funk tells him to take his best shot and slaps him in the face over and over but Foley won’t fight back. Funk: “Hey Foley! If I had a head like yours, I’d have it circumcised!” That’s almost too far for Foley, so Funk says it again. Foley goes to leave so Funk says his wife is a wh***. Funk: “HEY FOLEY! HEY FOLEY! YOUR KIDS ARE B*******!” Funk says the WWE sucked and that’s enough to get Foley swinging but Funk punches him back. Cue Edge, who gets knocked into the corner as well but Lita gets in a low blow. A barbed wire bat shot puts Funk down and it’s Mr. Socko into the spear to leave Funk laying.

The Funk vs. Foley stuff was outstanding for more than a few reasons. First and foremost, it’s Terry Funk, who is someone where the more I see of him, the more in awe I am of him. He has been around forever but there is such a reputation there that you can’t help but respect him. On top of that, he is such an awesome promo that you believe every single thing he says.

Then there’s Foley, who is a legend in his own right but you can feel the respect that he has for Funk. It’s such a personal connection and that is the kind of thing that made Foley seem vulnerable. You can see both sides of this and why Foley is angry, but Funk is trying to patch things up and Foley is having none of it. Then Funk pushed every button the Foley told him would work and it all spilled out from there.

In other words, they set up the stakes, they gave it an emotional aspect and then it all played out as it should have. This was two great talkers doing what they know how to do and sucking the fans in the whole way. The history between them made this the kind of thing that was going to work for these two more than anyone else. This was excellent and I was pulled all the way into it at the beginning and never left.

Here’s Matt Striker to insult Texas for not being that smart. Oh and immigrants are bad.

Matt Striker vs. Eugene

Eugene has a big red cowboy hat and Striker cracks up a bit. After a run around the ring with the hat, Eugene gets caught in the corner and the beating begins. A cravate and some shouting has Eugene in trouble, followed by the right hands to the head. Striker calls him a moron, but then does the moronic thing of ramming him head first into the buckle. The comeback is on and it’s the big boot into the legdrop for two. Striker grabs a neckbreaker though and puts a knee on the back of Eugene’s neck before snapping him backwards onto the knee (Zack Ryder’s Zack Attack) for the pin in a hurry. This was fine.

Video on Kane as the movie press junket continues.

We look back at the double title match earlier.

Maria asks Carlito why he attacked Matt Striker and Eugene last week. Carlito ignores the question to hit on her but she likes the Spit Or Swallow shirt. I think you know where this is going and Carlito finds it cool.

Vince McMahon is trying to kiss Candice Michelle when an annoyed HHH comes in. Vince praises him a bit and hands him a sledgehammer to bash Shawn Michaels’ head in. Do that, and it’s a new era. Vince: “Go get em champ.”

Armando Alejandro Estrada introduces Umaga’s opponent. He is the toughest man in Texas, but Umaga (now officially dubbed the Samoan Bulldozer) isn’t from Texas.

Umaga vs. Chris Wellman

The running splash in the corner starts the destruction (Estrada: “I think that hurt.”) and it continues on the floor, complete with a choke toss off the steps for a good crash. Back in and it’s the corner headbutt into the running hip attack into the Samoan Spike for the easy pin. Another total squash.

Smackdown Rebound.

The Spirit Squad has a special cheer for Shane McMahon.

Third look at See No Evil.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kenny

Shane McMahon is guest referee and HHH, with sledgehammer, is in Kenny’s corner. Shawn wastes no time in knocking Kenny outside before hammering away in the corner back inside. Shane gets in a cheap shot so Kenny can hammer away but Shawn takes it to the floor. Some chops rock Kenny but Shane throws Shawn off the top to put him in trouble again. Kenny gets a quick DDT for a quicker two and a jumping back elbow to the face gets the same.

Shane takes off his belt, hands it to Kenny, and can’t help but yawn. The belt goes around Shawn’s throat and we hit the chinlock. Kenny holds Shawn up and Shane tells HHH to do it now. Shawn fights out and hits the flying forearm before taking the belt away to send Shane running.

The top rope elbow hits Kenny and it’s Sweet Chin Music to knock him silly. Shane is back to hit three straight backbreakers and hold Shawn up for HHH. The sledgehammer hits Shane by mistake and knows he screwed up. Cue Vince to wave medics down and hold Shane like he’s been shot. HHH apologizes and leaves to end the show as the match is a no contest.

Rating: D+. This was as good as it could have been as it was angle advancement rather than a match. There was no need for it to be anything else as the Spirit Squad isn’t going to go any higher or lower with or without a win. HHH screwing up and hitting Shane means Vince isn’t going to be happy and you can feel the momentum for the turn coming. They’re taking their time though, as they should. You can’t turn a huge villain like HHH face instantly so he should be taking his time. Oh and Shawn was here too.

Overall Rating: B-. The show was starting off rather well but then it hit a big bump halfway through. The Foley/Funk segment was very good and the opener was very energized, but then the main event and the squash matches didn’t exactly help things. Overall it’s a good show and I want to see where some of these things go, so they’re doing something right. Just get rid of the bad and they’ll have a hit on their hands.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 1, 2006
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler

Backlash has come and gone and that means things are going to be slowing down a little bit. There is no Raw pay per view in May so the next one is coming up in June with One Night Stand. The big story coming out of last night saw HHH pretty much turning face despite losing in the main event where John Cena retained the World Title. Let’s get to it.

Here is Backlash if you need a recap.

Vince McMahon brags about beating Shawn Michaels and God so tonight, he’s taking the night off. As for tonight, the Spirit Squad is in charge as the co-General Managers. The team comes in and says Kenny is going to face John Cena for the World Title, thanks to winning a Spirit Straw drawing. This is going to be a very loud night.

Opening sequence.

Torrie Wilson/Maria vs. Victoria/Mickie James

As per the Spirit Squad’s orders, they’re all in cheerleaders outfits. Mickie and Victoria jump them to start and it’s Torrie in early trouble. She manages a drop toehold to bring Victoria down though and it’s off to Maria to beat up both villains at once. Torrie gives Victoria a Stink Face and Maria hits a Bronco Buster on Mickie, which just annoys Victoria all over again. Mickie tries to suplex Maria back inside but here’s Trish to trip her up, giving Maria the fluke pin.

Spirit Squad vs. Eugene/Snitsky/Goldust

The unlikely trio is dubbed the Odd Squad. Goldust and Mikey (Why did they drop the gear that had their names?) start but it’s quickly off to Eugene to chop him in the head. Eugene misses a charge into the post as we see Candice Michelle sitting on Vince’s lap. Nicky comes in to beat on Eugene and get two and Johnny grabs a chinlock. Eugene fights up and hits a Rock Bottom on Mikey, allowing the hot tag to Snitsky. That means a big boot to Nicky so Johnny comes back in. Everything breaks down and the Johnny Go Round kick finishes Eugene.

Rating: D+. This was just a showcase win for the Spirit Squad and it worked out as well as could be expected. The Spirit Squad is good enough and that means they can get a little something out of a nothing match like this. If nothing else they didn’t bother with drama here because it would have been a pretty big waste of time.

During the break, Mickie James beat up Maria during the Kiss Cam.

Eugene is asked how it feels to lose, sending him into a far more coherent than usual talk about how he still has a job, unlike his Uncle Eric. Matt Striker jumps him with a dictionary.

This Week In Wrestling History: Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon beat Shawn Michaels and God at Backlash 2006.

The Spirit Squad comes in to see Shawn (with Big Show and Charlie Haas for a weird trio). Tonight, he can have the night off as a wrestler but he’s going to be the referee for Kane vs. Rob Conway. Oh and he has a special referee shirt with MAY 19 written all over.

We look back at Kane going nuts against Big Show last night. You remember: when we could hear his thoughts for some reason.

Kane vs. Rob Conway

Shawn Michaels is guest referee and Conway finds his plight rather funny. Therefore, Shawn jumps him and puts the MAY 19 shirt on him. Cue Kane and the destruction is on in a hurry. Kane hammers away as Shawn chills on the middle rope. Conway tries to escape over the barricade and is quickly pulled back by the somewhat partial referee. Shawn grabs a trashcan and just happens to look away when Kane hits Conway in the head. There’s the chokeslam and Kane leaves, only to have Shawn grab a mic and say May 19 a few times. That’s enough for Kane to comeback for a Tombstone to complete the destruction. This was funny.

Umaga vs. Rory Fox

Umaga smashes the guy and finishes with the usual in a hurry.

Candice Michelle is glad that Vince has healed his cold and asks for help with, and I quote, her labiagitis. A very banged up HHH comes in to interrupt and Vince offers him the special guest referee spot in the main event. That doesn’t quite work as HHH should just get the title shot but Vince isn’t sure. HHH sees it as punishment but if Kenny wins the title, he wants the first shot. Otherwise, HHH might not do it. Vince highly suggests that HHH be referee tonight because Vince remembers HHH calling him an old man. If HHH doesn’t do it, he won’t get another title shot until he’s an old man.

It’s time for the Cutting Edge, with Edge not being happy because he wasn’t pinned last night. Therefore, he still has a claim to the WWE Title. He’s used to it though, because his Wrestlemania match was ruined too. Yes he stole the show, but it was called by some ECW reject. Edge: “OH MY GOD Joey you suck.” With that out of the way, here’s Mick Foley as this week’s guest. Foley says he remembers the Wrestlemania match too and has spent the last month trying to find out what went wrong.

The more he watches it though, the more he realizes that nothing was wrong. He was more violent than ever and he was part of maybe the greatest hardcore match in wrestling history. On that one night, he was face to face with the toughest man in the WWE. Foley shakes his hand and the fans are really unsure about this one. Even though he lost the match, he got the defining Wrestlemania moment, just like Edge said he would. We see the end of the match with Edge looking traumatized after the spear into the flaming table. Foley: “THERE IT IS!”

Foley saw the look in Edge’s eyes, knowing that it was all downhill for him. Now Foley wants to go through this again right here tonight. Edge says he’s overcoming strep throat….but Foley is on. (Joey: “NEXT WEEK!”) He’s on crack that is because that isn’t happening. Just out of principle though, Edge will face Foley in any match he wants next week. Foley thinks the name Cutting Edge is appropriate, because next week, he’ll be cutting Edge with anything he can find. Save up that throat so you can scream for mercy. Oh and try to have a nice day. There was something odd about this and I think that’s the point.

Video on Backlash.

Here’s Chris Masters to say that last night’s loss to Carlito was a fluke. If Carlito tries that again, he’ll be spitting teeth instead of apples. Moving on though, Rob Van Dam may have won the Intercontinental Title but he can’t break the Masterlock. Cue Van Dam to take the challenge but here’s Shelton Benjamin to jump Van Dam as the hold goes on. Carlito runs in for the save with a chair so here’s Nicky to cheer a tag announcement.

Carlito/Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chris Masters

Joined in progress with Masters holding a chinlock and we cut to Vince and Candice canoodling. Back with Shelton holding his own chinlock as Joey has received a note at ringside. The Spirit Squad wants to see him in the back right now as Shelton gets two. So Lawler is on his own on commentary as Rob scores with a spinwheel kick on Masters.

The hot tag brings in Carlito as Lawler is actually managing to do play by play. Masters decks Carlito from behind and Shelton adds a kick to the head. Van Dam comes in with the top rope kick to the face and Carlito Backstabs Masters. A rollup with trunks gives Carlito the pin on Shelton.

Rating: C-. They got some action into a pretty short match, though I’m almost scared to see where the Styles deal is going. What we got was good enough and the Intercontinental Title picture is starting to get interesting. Van Dam tends to be the placeholder champion more than anything else so I’m not sure where this is going, but it could work well.

Smackdown Rebound.

The Spirit Squad shoves Joey onto a couch and says they want to hear more spirit from him. Otherwise, they’ll have Vince make him wear a cheerleader outfit for commentary next week. They want extra spirit when he announces that Kenny is the new WWE Champion.

Post break Joey returns to commentary and Lawler calls him a cheerleader. Lawler wants to hear the Kenny line but Joey doesn’t want to do this. ECW is mentioned, and Joey says if this was ECW, he wouldn’t be working with a hack like Lawler. Joey takes off his glasses and slaps Lawler, who calls him a little idiot and shoves him down. Styles walks off and then runs to the back. Well that made the show better. Joey being gone, not the angle.

Post another break, Lawler apologizes and asks Joey to come back out here and finish the show. Joey, sans glasses, comes out to the stage and says he isn’t coming back. Thanks to the magic of live TV, he is going to show the world why he was the uncensored loose cannon of commentary for seven years in ECW. Six months ago, WWE called him because they had humiliated and fired JR again.

From week one, he has gotten an ongoing lecture between wrestling and sports entertainment. He can’t say things like wrestler or wrestling because it’s sports entertainment with superstars. Styles is supposed to ignore the moves and holds to tell stories. Well that’s insulting to wrestlers who leave their families to ply their craft in that ring. That’s why he was pulled from Wrestlemania because he doesn’t sound like Jim Ross. Then he gets bumped from BACKLASH? He called live pay per views in ECW because he was good enough to do it on his own.

Joey is sick of sports entertainment and storytelling and bathroom humor. He’s also sick of Vince McMahon mocking God and making out with the Divas for his own amusement. Finally he’s sick of the fans who buy this garbage. He never needed this job or wanted this job so he quits. Lawler isn’t impressed and seems to be finishing on his own.

It was a nice speech, but at the end of the day, Joey is hardly some saint of commentary and I’ll be glad to have JR back. Yeah Joey can call a lot of moves. That would make him a heck of a radio announcer, but when I can see all of the moves as they happen, I don’t need to have someone calling every single one of them. That being said, a lot of the other things that he said was rather accurate, though there is no reason to believe that this is going to be some big game changer.

Todd Grisham joins commentary.

Raw World Title: Kenny vs. John Cena

Cena is defending, HHH is guest referee and the rest of the Spirit Squad is here. Cena isn’t looking thrilled here but he hammers Kenny into the ring and hits a delayed vertical suplex. The FU is loaded up but HHH punches him in the face (I can go with not wasting time with being subtle) and the Squad piles onto him outside. Back in and Kenny hammers on the wounded head from last night.

Cena is sent outside for another group beatdown, including a whip into the steps. That’s good for two, as is a jumping elbow to the face. Kenny does a You Can’t See Me neckbreaker, causing HHH to rather halfheartedly go does to cover again. That’s enough for Kenny, who shoves HHH and gets punched down. There’s the Pedigree and HHH tells the Spirit Squad to bring it.

They only get on the apron and that’s enough for HHH, who walks off. Cue Shawn Michaels in his own referee shirt but first he has to have the big dramatic staredown with HHH. Kenny hits the top rope legdrop so Shawn comes in to count two before stopping. Sweet Chin Music drops Kenny and it’s Cena and Shawn beating up the Squad. Shawn superkicks Mikey and feigns sleepwalking, leaving Cena to FU Kenny to retain.

Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the point here as this was a pretty easy way to end the show. There was no chance that Kenny was winning but they didn’t really waste time teasing that he would. The Shawn/HHH/Cena stuff is interesting as they’re swapping Shawn into Edge’s spot (yeah I’m stunned too) but at least we got something pretty fast paced which didn’t waste time before getting to the obvious finish.

Post match Shawn and Cena shake hands with Shawn throwing him the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was definitely the night off show after last night’s pay per view, but they set some stuff up for later. The part that worries me is setting up Joey Styles as the big angle, even if it isn’t going to be some top story. Angles involving people like commentators or referees rarely work because they aren’t the important parts of the show, but if it gets JR back, I’ll take it. Other than that, the show was a lot of short matches, though they should set up some important stuff later.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6