Monday Nitro #238
Date: May 1, 2000
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex
Attendance: 3,635
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re officially in the David Arquette era here and people are talking about it in USA Today! Unfortunately they weren’t watching the show as this week’s ratings dropped down half a point but why should something like that get in the way of Russo’s grand vision? It’s also the go home show for Slamboree, which may or may not be an even bigger disaster than Spring Stampede. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Thunder’s title change. It says a lot when we’re a week removed from a World Title change and it’s already old news.

Opening sequence.

Page, Kanyon and Arquette arrive at the building but the New Blood is waiting on them. Cue Hogan in his car, which is driven into the side of the New Blood’s limo. A brawl ensues. This is another example of WCW trying to turn Hogan into Austin despite the two being about as different as any two people can be.

The announcers discuss the new World Champion with Madden burying the whole idea. I’ve never agreed with him more.

David Arquette is on the set of 3000 Miles to Graceland where his wife Courtney Cox tells him to stop pretending to be a wrestler. David: “Is that any way to talk to the heavyweight champion of the world?” Shoot me now. Or make me watch Ready to Rumble. I’m not sure which is worse.

Crowbar vs. Norman Smiley/???

Smiley has a fat mystery partner here and he stays a mystery by wearing hockey gear. Crowbar goes after Smiley to start and the partner stands there, making me think it’s Ralphus (there are only so many people with that kind of a gut). They fight over a trashcan before going outside with Crowbar getting in some trashcan lid shots to keep control.

As this exact same weapons match that we’ve seen a dozen times continues to bore the crowd to death, Tony and Scott argue over whether or not the mystery partner is the Shockmaster. Tony sounding sick at his stomach at Shockmaster’s name being mentioned is funny stuff. Crowbar goes after the mystery partner, allowing Norman to get in some shots with a trashcan lid. Norman gets it kicked back into his face though, allowing Crowbar to drop a splash from the apron for two.

Back inside and Crowbar’s suicide dive hits a chair. See, that’s totally different than a trashcan lid because it’s a different kind of metal weapon. Totally not the same thing. Norman’s Big Wiggle is broken up with a low blow so Crowbar does the Wiggle behind the mystery partner.

Smiley hits Crowbar in the back with the kendo stick, knocking Crowbar into a suggestive position behind the mystery partner, of course setting up the Big Wiggle from Norman. SEE! IT’S FUNNY! Back in and the mystery partner tries to do something, only to get kicked in the stomach. Norman crotches Crowbar on top though and tries a belly to back superplex, only to have Crowbar roll over for two. Crowbar grabs a rollup but Norman rolls through into a rollup of his own for the pin

Rating: D-. So far on this show, we’ve had Hulk Hogan as a crazy driver trying to kill people, a discussion of David Arquette winning the WCW World Title and ANOTHER lame hardcore match between comedy wrestlers because “well it worked in the WWF so let’s do the exact same thing here!”. I’m sick of this stupid division with its horribly repetitive nonsense and now we’re having matches not even for the title. Why do I have a feeling this show is only going to get worse?

The announcers talk about Arquette winning again with Tony calling it a great moment in sports entertainment. I know this is covering a lot of ground, but that might be the dumbest thing that Tony Schiavone has ever said.

Back to Arquette and Cox from presumably earlier today. David isn’t worried when Kurt Russell comes up. He and Courtney need to go off and do their adult  love scene. Kurt laughs off the idea of David being the World Champion so Arquette goes after him with a chair. Courtney: “YOU’RE NOT A WRESTLER!”

Shawn Stasiak is in a gym shooting a basketball. Tonight he’s going to prove he’s more than just a wrestler…….by breaking a free throw record. So, YET AGAIN, this is something that makes no sense if you weren’t watching the other company about ten years ago. Otherwise, you’re looking at a wrestler who hasn’t done much in this company proving that he can shoot a basketball.

This is a moment where the most basic question about wrestling booking should be asked: how is this going to make someone want to watch our next show or buy a ticket to come see us? We’re watching someone shooting a basketball, a minute after two actors made fun of the World Champion for not being a wrestler. How is this supposed to make me want to keep watching this show? Because it was something Curt Hennig did in a series of vignettes in another company ten or eleven years ago? If this is the best they can come up with, quit now.

Here are Arquette, Page and Kanyon with something to say. Arquette is so thankful for the fans’ reception (ignore the booing I guess) but he doesn’t deserve the title and is going to vacate it so Page and Jarrett can fight for it on Sunday. This brings out Jarrett, Bischoff and Russo, with Liz, with Jeff saying Arquette doesn’t get to just drop the title like that.

Bischoff says that Arquette became a sports entertainer (yes a sports entertainer) when he got in the ring on Thunder. So what was he when he got in the ring with Bischoff last Monday? Or can Bischoff not remember that far back? This Sunday, it’s a three way in the cage, because DAVID ARQUETTE is now the big draw instead of a triple cage, which has been ignored for most of the build towards the pay per view.

Cue Luger to go after Russo to get Liz back because this segment doesn’t have enough going on yet. Bischoff isn’t done yet either and makes Arquette vs. Tank Abbott for later tonight. Tank comes out and wants to fight now but Page gets in his way. They brawl until Tank challenges Page to a fight tonight. If he wins, he gets Arquette. Page says deal.

Luger is still looking for Russo.

Stasiak is still shooting. Alone, as in most attempts at a record.

Bischoff puts Hugh Morrus in a three way with Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. If any of Hugh’s Misfits in Action interfere, they’re all fired.

The Wall vs. Horace Hogan

It’s a tables match just because. They slug it out to start but here’s Miss Hancock to watch the match. To be fair she’s more interesting than anything in the ring. Horace actually gets the better of it with a neckbreaker and DDT, as he does in almost all of his matches that he’s going to wind up losing. It’s already table time but Kidman comes out for a distraction, allowing Wall to chokeslam Horace for the win.

Post match Hulk comes in but Mike Awesome jumps him from behind. Kidman and Wall come back in for a 3-1 beatdown and it’s table time again. So soon? Hogan gets off the table (off camera because WCW) and loads up Awesome for a superplex, only to be sunset bombed through the table instead.

Vampiro is in a graveyard and asks Sting to come and play. Curiosity killed the scorpion after all. My curiosity is why Hogan’s music could be heard in a graveyard, especially when it wasn’t playing in the arena.

Russo drags Liz to the ring and challenges Luger to come face him later. Luger is the Total Package, but that doesn’t compare to being the TOTAL MAN that Vince Russo is.

Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Non-title. Steiner stops to yell at a fan who has a Big Papa Pump Sucks sign. It’s a big beatdown on Morrus to start and Steiner adds the spinning belly to belly. Jeff covers but Scott breaks it up and starts an argument. The Stroke is broken up and Steiner suplexes Jeff, only to be clotheslined down by Morrus. No Laughing Matter misses and it’s time for the Steiner Recliner, only to have Jarrett bash Scott with the guitar. Jeff stops to pose, allowing Morrus to drape an arm over Steiner for the pin.

Lash and Chavo come out to celebrate as the New Blood…..lets them.

Sting goes walking through the graveyard as Morrus’ music plays. How he knew which graveyard to go to or how he got there in about ten minutes isn’t explained.

Bischoff fires the Misfits in Action except Lash, who is too stupid to know what fired means. Ok then.

Back in the graveyard and Sting has found Vampiro. Vampiro hits him with a shovel and knocks him into a grave. He loads up a tombstone (as in an actual stone) but stops when Sting asks what Vampiro is. Vampiro says he’s the monster Sting should be and hits him in the head with a tombstone. Vampiro adds a wheelbarrow and leaves. Sting’s hand pops out of the grave about five seconds later, because Russo can’t even wait on DEATH.

Luger is posing in front of a mirror and Flair worships him ala Heenan at Wrestlemania IX.

Tank Abbott vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Page gets punched a lot to start but survives a big right hand. They fight to the floor with Tank dominating, but let’s cut to the back because that’s what we do around here. In this case it’s Kanyon and Arquette locked in their dressing room, leaving them unable to come and help Page. Back in the arena and Jarrett sneaks out of the crowd to hit Page with a bottle. Tank hits Page in the back of the head with a right hand…..and that’s a knockout on the floor with no count. So you don’t even need a ring to win a wrestling match these days.

Page is stretchered out.

Hogan brawls with Awesome.

Here’s Kidman to soak in the praise for beating up Hogan. Hulk is all old and washed up, just like Kevin Nash. He promises not to talk anymore but then issues an open challenge. Nash is in the back and gets a pep talk from Terry Taylor of all people, meaning it’s time to go to the ring. Well Nash was in the Red and Black and Taylor was the Red Rooster so they must be related somehow.

Nash comes down to the ring and knocks Kidman across the ring with a single knee to the ribs. The big elbows have Kidman rocked in the corner but here are Konnan and Rey Mysterio to take out Nash’s knee. Kevin fights off the lowly cruiserweights and chases Konnan and Rey to the back. They jump into a waiting truck…..which can’t go anywhere because fans are waiting on them. Nash pulls them both out and beats them up again.

Russo brings Liz out again and promises to interfere on Sunday so he can beat up Flair. If Luger wins their match tonight, Luger can have the key to Liz. So she’s a door or a treasure chest? Luger and Flair come out but Bagwell and Douglas take Ric out. Security goes after Luger and maces him, allowing the Tag Team Champions to lay him out even more. Liz hits Russo with the bat and runs away, leaving Kronik to come out and destroy everyone.

Arquette wants to give the title back but Kanyon says it doesn’t work. Kanyon goes off to take care of something.

Nash is still beating up Mysterio and Konnan but stops to break the truck’s window with a crowbar.

Kronik is arrested.

Here’s Vampiro in the ring because BURYING A MAN ALIVE isn’t enough for one week. He talks about being the monster that Sting should have been but the lights go out. A crow is in the entrance but Sting repels down and beats up Vampiro with the bat.

Stasiak is still shooting.

Russo yells at Liz so she slaps him. That means she won and Russo leaves. So Russo is a MAN who likes strong women? Who will likely join him later on so Russo can get the girl?

WCW World Title: Tank Abbott vs. David Arquette

We’re really here. This isn’t a dream, it’s not a nightmare (ok it is), and this is supposed to be their big idea to get people to care, despite the fact that it looks like a recycled Friends plot…….and oh my goodness it is. One time on Friends, Monica’s (played by Courtney Cox-ARQUETTE) boyfriend fought TANK ABBOTT in a UFC fight. When I typed up the recycled Friends part, I meant it as a joke but that’s what they’re really doing. This isn’t a similarity. This isn’t close enough that it could be seen either way. This story is a copy of a Friends plot that aired three years earlier. So not only is Russo horrible, but he’s also plagiarizing.

Kanyon tries to slip David some brass knuckles but gets ejected. Tank throws Arquette into the corner and grabs him by the neck but lets him go. Abbott slams him down again and punches out the ref for no logical reason. Page’s music comes on and we see Bischoff sending Jarrett to the ring. Back in the ring and we see Page Diamond Cutting Abbott to keep the title on Arquette. Build Abbott for weeks, feed him to David Arquette. Somehow, that might not be the least insane thing on this show.

We cut to the back to see that Steiner has knocked Jarrett out.

Hennig breaks up the free throw record with one shot to go. Much like with the graveyard: how did Hennig know which gym to go to?

Hulk Hogan vs. Mike Awesome

Hogan attacks to start as the announcers hype up the idea that this is Terry Bollea. A big clothesline puts Hogan on the floor and Mike hammers away up against the barricade. Back in and a top rope clothesline gets two. That’s enough selling for Hogan as he comes back with a lame chair shot to the head and another one to the back. He chokes Mike with the weightlifting belt, followed by Awesome choking him against the barricade.

Hogan suplexes Mike on the floor and chokes even more as the announcers are admitting that this isn’t wrestling. Awesome’s chair shots stagger Hogan and they go inside for Mike’s slingshot splash for two. Hulk no sells it again and hammers away but Kidman comes in. That earns him a chair to the back as well, which draws in Bischoff. Kidman chairs Hogan off the top and Hogan puts his hand to his forehead and rakes a razor over the skin in the most obvious bladejob in the history of this business. Back in and Awesome gets the pin.

Rating: D. Why does Hogan keep getting the longest matches on Nitro? Is it in his contract or something? They were very smart to keep this as a brawl instead of making us sit through another Hogan “wrestling” exhibition. I can’t imagine Awesome’s career gets much higher than this in WCW as he’s already won a major match and that’s enough for some young diamond level prospect.

Hogan beats up Kidman, Awesome and the referee with the chair. A fan runs in but the bloodbath falls on Hogan, drawing in the New Blood for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. In addition to the plot revolving around a free throw shooting record (which you can apparently tie in about an hour and a half), Ralphus as a hockey mascot, Nash destroying the returning Konnan and Mysterio in short order, a burial that lasted about an hour, the recycled Friends plot line (I can’t get over that) that saw Tank Abbott get pinned by David Arquette and most of the matches not even breaking three minutes, a good chunk of Sunday’s card wasn’t touched on.

Sunday’s card has ten matches. Five of them got time tonight: Funk vs. Crowbar/mystery partner (that’s a stretch), Stasiak vs. Hennig, Sting vs. Vampiro, Hogan vs. Kidman and the three way for the title. The other five range from not enough time to fit onto the show to not announced yet to dropped for the sake of an unrelated story involving Vince Russo.

This show failed on almost every imaginable level. Russo is somehow getting worse week by week and it’s getting even more difficult to sit through these things. I’m not even sure what the main story is supposed to be. Is it Kidman and company vs. Hogan or Russo and Bischoff’s shenanigans or maybe the World Title feud? I’ve lost track of anything this company might be doing and I’m really not sure how they’re supposed to, but in this case it might actually get a bit better in a week once the title changes hands. For the fourth time in three weeks.

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Monday Nitro #236
Date: April 17, 2000
Location: Metrocentre, Rockford, Illinois
Attendance: 4,345
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Now this is an interesting show as we’re officially into the Russo/Bischoff Era. They’ve had a week and a pay per view to set everything up so now they have no real excuses left. This is going to be the show where we see what their vision is supposed to be, complete with Jeff Jarrett and the New Blood on top. Let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package from last night, including Hart vs. Mancow. The worst part: we’re not done with Mancow this year.

Opening sequence.

New York, New York plays as papers fall from the ceiling. All of the new champions (sans Funk of course and Jarrett) come out as they’re covered in balloons for a big celebration. Russo says all the booing doesn’t change the fact that he’s better than everyone here. Last night, the New Blood took over just like they promised they would. Russo introduces the new champions one by one and promises to come for Funk’s Hardcore Title.

The fans are popping the balloons and it sounds like a war has broken out. Russo rips on Jim Ross for never believing in him holding Jeff Jarrett down. That would be your weekly insider shot that most fans didn’t get/care about. Jarrett comes out and says this is the greatest day of his life (after the day his child was born that is). He rips on JR as well before talking about not being in Ready to Rumble, even though the stars are beneath him. This brings us to Slamboree, where Jarrett will hang the World Title above the triple cage used in the movie.

Russo brings out Bischoff and Kimberly and we’ve got a riot squad at ringside. Bischoff makes sex jokes about Page (because that’s what the bosses of this company do) and says last night was the whipped cream on the cake of torturing Page. Kimberly goes off about Page making it all about him for years but now it’s time for her to be the star.

She starts talking in the third person and calls Bischoff her opportunity. Bischoff goes on and we see Page beating up security in the back. He comes into the arena (in a Sopranos shirt) and goes right into the ring for a beating. The riot squad reveals themselves as the Millionaires Club and the New Blood is cleared out.

So to recap: the bosses get to say their adversaries are shall we say small, Russo gets to take shots at Jim Ross and Bischoff gets to imply that he’s sleeping with Kimberly Page. This is more proof that WCW is the playground for whoever is running the company and if the fans get to enjoy it, consider it a bonus.

Here’s a recap of what we just saw, in slow motion for no apparent reason.

Bischoff yells at a bunch of guys over what happened. Booker asks why they’re supposed to be security so Bischoff tells him he has a short amount of time to get on his good side. Everyone leaves and Bischoff makes Page vs. Awesome. The security from outside comes in and quits. Hogan calls in and promises to beat Bischoff up in about five minutes. All of this happened in just over a minute.

The announcers recap things, in case the recap we saw or WATCHING THE EVENT ITSELF wasn’t enough.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

Miss Hancock comes out before we get going because they’re not even letting the matches start before getting to the angle. Stasiak starts punching in the corner as Hancock takes notes. They slug it out on the floor and Madden takes a bottle of water to the face. Back in and Hancock plays with her pen as Hennig knees Stasiak in the chest. There goes the referee and Curt hooks the HennigPlex. No count so Stasiak gets a foreign object to knock Curt silly, setting up a layout F5 (the Perfect Plant) for the pin.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of everything that is wrong with the way Russo books the shows. Last week Stasiak debuted and attacked Hennig, setting up this match. The ending gives them a reason to continue their feud. However, we still don’t know why they’re fighting. Stasiak just showed up and started a feud, but given how lame the first match was, I really don’t want to see them fight again and with no story, why would I want to keep watching when they come on? It’s lazy booking and takes away the most important part of wrestling because Russo still doesn’t get it.

Stasiak starts stomping Curt down but we IMMEDIATELY cut to a camera inside a motorcade which brings Hogan, wearing a very 80s bandana, to the arena. Cops stop him but he stares them down and they step aside. Hogan comes in and beats up Stasiak before we take a break. Back with Hogan saying he’s heard all the fans talking about him and they’re sure that Hulkamania is going to live forever. His critics say he’s getting older, but so is every other wrestler in the back. He has a lot left to offer wrestling though (true) and he’s not leaving.

Right now though, if anyone wants to come out here and take his spot, come get it. You can mess with his character and his gimmick, but when you get to what Russo and Bischoff did last week, you’re messing with Terry Bollea. They tried to take food out of his kids’ mouth (how?), you’re messing with the wrong man. That brings him to Kidman, who has been whining and crying for years about all the promoters not using him right. Kidman and Torrie come up on screen with Kidman telling Hogan to come fight him right now. Hogan goes after them and the camera pans back to show Bischoff standing next to the Hummer.

Jarrett doesn’t care about Hogan and company because tonight there’s an open contract to any non-millionaire for a World Title shot tonight.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Wall

Funk is defending and hits Wall in the head with three chair shots to get it going. Wall will have none of that and knocks Funk to the floor with a chair shot of his own. It’s Funk’s turn again as he chairs Wall down some more, followed by a moonsault out to the floor. Well of course he did. I mean, his feet hit Wall in the head and he didn’t rotate all the way but he did a moonsault at fifty six years old.

Wall piledrives him on the table, which doesn’t break, but Funk barely sells it. With that not working, Wall breaks off a piece of barricade and crushes Terry’s head. They fight up to the entrance where Funk’s head is crushed over and over again in the door of a one person cage. Then a stack of tables falls on Wall, allowing Terry to cover him to retain.

Rating: D+. So after building Wall up for months, they have someone (who I doubt is ever going to be named) drop a pile of tables on him like something out of a screwball comedy so Terry Funk can pin him. To keep track of things, that means Sid and Funk are the two men to pin him. As usual, WCW sets someone up but the old guys are the ones that get to knock him back down.

Kronik (Brian Adams and Brian Clark, better known as Wrath) comes in to ask Russo when they’re on for their title match. Russo says whenever he says so but not tonight.

Someone signs Jarrett’s open contract but the camera panning over to see the signature is too much to ask.

Page is taking out Awesome and then coming for Bischoff.

Kronik beats up the Harris Twins and come to the ring to do the same to the Mamalukes. Adams grabs the mic and says the tag division is on notice now that they’ve shown up. Russo better hurry up with their title shot.

Here’s Vampiro with something to say. Sting knows nothing about pain and still knows nothing after last night. That was just a taste of what Sting had to go through, because Sting is being devoured at Slamboree. Cue Sting from the rafters with some ball bat shots and talk trash about learning from Flair and Luger. The Death Drop leaves Vampiro laying.

Hogan is still looking for Kidman.

Jarrett tells Russo to deal with the open contract. Russo says he’ll go fix him. Of course this is one of those backstage conversations where they never say what they’re talking about in a completely unnatural manner.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

Page slugs away to start but Awesome runs the corner and back elbows Page in the jaw for two. After a few suplexes, Page gets sent to the floor and Awesome springboards to the top rope for a clothesline to the floor. Since this is WCW, the announcers are all “Oh. That was cool.”, before moving on to talking about the storyline. WCW really needed a JR who could act like a big spot was the most awesome thing he had ever seen and take a break from the same plot points over and over again. Awesome misses a charge into the barricade and gets chaired in the back. That goes nowhere so Kanyon runs in for the quick DQ.

Awesome loads Kanyon up for a powerbomb through a table but Nash comes through the crowd for a save. This would be the second time in about ten minutes where someone looked towards the stage but the other guy came up from behind. The Jackknife puts Mike through a table.

Russo tries to talk someone down but they’re behind a door. Another segment that doesn’t even try to look natural.

Tank Abbott is here and Madden freaks out.

Douglas and Bagwell are ready for their singles matches with Team Package at Slamboree. Shane wants Luger tonight so here’s Luger to agree to a match, with a stipulation that if Russo shows up, Team Package gets the titles. From a singles match.

Here’s Tank Abbott to call out Goldberg for the week. His victim this week is the owner of the Chicago Blackhawks, who gets dragged into the ring for a beating. One of Madden’s favorite hockey players (Bob Probert, the Blackhawks’ enforcer) gets in as well to help break it up.

Hogan gets a tip that Kidman is outside.

Jarrett and Russo bicker some more. Russo will get back to him with an idea of how to solve the problem.

Shane Douglas vs. Total Package

It’s Luger in control to start as he pounds away in the corner and kicks Shane in the ribs a few times. Shane comes back with choking but here’s Bagwell to keep Shane in control. Bagwell interferes and Douglas gets in a low blow, neither of which lead to a DQ because those don’t exist in WCW. A guy in a Sting mask hits Shane in the back with a ball bat and as everyone swears it’s Russo (because NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER DRESSED UP LIKE STING), it’s Flair, in his second costume of the night. The ball bat shot inside the ring counts for the DQ as it’s totally different than the one outside.

Rating: D-. Luger doesn’t work as a face or a heel these days, but what can you expect from someone who seemingly has no desire to do anything and has been using the same three or four moves for years now? Shane isn’t any help either as he’s never been anything great in the ring and is almost all talk.

Russo pulls Shane to the floor and shouts SCREW YOU FLAIR a few times. Again, I don’t think we’ve been told why Russo and Flair hate each other but they hate each other now and that’s all that is supposed to matter. Bagwell and Shane shout at Russo for not being here to save them. Yes, because the savior that two champion wrestlers need is a skinny guy from Brooklyn, not the rest of the New Blood.

Hogan finds Kidman but Torrie hits him in the back with a 2×4. Hulk chokes her up against a beam and pulls back to hit her but Kidman makes the save. Kidman gets thrown in the dumpster so Bischoff gets in the Hummer…..which won’t start. Bischoff runs, allowing Hogan to get in the Hummer and ram the dumpster. Yeah those seventeen years of building up Hogan’s character? Screw those. Let’s have him turn into a psycho who wants to punch women and uses cars to try to murder people. Oh wait: this is Terry Bollea so it’s fine. So the man behind the character is a woman beating attempted murderer. That makes it ok.

Kidman gets stretchered out.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

Oh well. No time to grieve. Instead we have to see the reveal of the mystery man as….Scott Steiner. So a day after the New Blood wins all of the important titles, we already have champion vs. champion and the team already fighting. Steiner gorilla presses Jarrett down to start but charges into a boot to the face. Jeff’s high cross body gets two but he gets caught in mid air, followed by a belly to belly for two. The sleeper is countered by a low blow and Steiner puts on the Recliner, drawing in Booker for the DQ. Booker: “You’re welcome punk.”

Rating: D. Another night, another match ending before it can get anywhere, though well done on having the World Champion look like he can be beaten in three and a half minutes. Booker coming in to redeem himself is one of the few things all night that made sense but it came at the end of another one of Russo’s overbooked shows, making it too late to matter.

Again we IMMEDIATELY jump off to see Hogan going after Bischoff with a pipe. Hogan chases him into the arena. A low blow drops Bischoff but here are Vince Russo and Bret Hart. Bret shoves Russo down and gets in the ring with a chair. He looks at both guys, pulls back the chair, and we’re done before we can see who he was aiming for.

Overall Rating: D. So that’s the first episode of Russo and Bischoff’s vision. Put simply, this isn’t very good. The story is pretty boring with the old guys going all psycho to protect their spots and the new generation being comprised of slightly less older guys who aren’t too interesting. People like Wall, Booker and Vampiro are regularly losing to the old guys or going out of their way to bow down to Russo and Bischoff, because they’re the stars of the show, along with Hogan of course.

On top of that, the show isn’t put together well either. This show had 18:32 of wrestling, or 13 seconds less than Ryback vs. Seth Rollins on Raw this past week. Three of the five matches ended in DQ, one ended with someone dropping tables onto the Wall and the other one had a ref bump and foreign object to set up the pin. This was of course after Russo and Bischoff’s 15+ minute speech to open the show with shots at JR for no real reason. Oh and don’t forget Hogan’s five or so segments.

It’s becoming clearer and clearer that Russo’s hype of change is a bunch of hot air. The show is still all about Hogan, the young guys are being treated like nothings (Buff Bagwell is a champion. You couldn’t put say, the Wall with Shane? One talks, the other is a monster. It’s kind of a proven formula you know?) and we have a massive heel stable. 1997 is here again, but unfortunately the audience isn’t back with them.

No Thunder this week. Not that WCW bothered to tell you that of course.

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Monday Nitro #234
Date: April 3, 2000
Location: Worcester Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 0
Hosts: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

There isn’t much to say here. WCW is being rebooted at the moment so this is a big recap show called the History of Money Nitro. In other words, they’re in a big arena, which I’m assuming they had to pay the full rent for and have no people involved. I’m assuming that means no revenue for this week, which is a fine way to open the new regime. Let’s get to it.

Madden and Schiavone are in an empty arena and say next week is a new beginning for WCW, which has pretty much sucked recently. Yeah when your lead announcers are saying the show is bad, you’re not in good shape. Russo is an ex-WWF writer and Bischoff was good once so maybe they can save us.

The first highlight video focuses on Hogan, including his in ring, ahem, abilities, and the celebrities he’s brought in over the years.

The hosts talk about Hogan’s signing leading to Nitro launching and how crazy people thought Bischoff was for going head to head with the WWF.

We look at the opening of the first episode with Tony talking about nervously walking around the Mall of America for three hours before the show started. We get some clips of Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Brian Pillman in the first match ever on the show. Amazingly enough it’s better than Hogan’s work.

More clips from the first show including Luger’s arrival, Flair vs. Sting and Hogan vs. Big Bubba.

Then the show expanded to two hours and the roster got bigger, which made Nitro cool. True.

Clip of the first two hour show with Scott Hall jumping the barricade. We get some clips of other stuff on that show and my goodness did Hall arrive just in time.

Video on the cruiserweights.

The hosts say that even at this point, the WWF was still way ahead. It was more even but it’s their show. Let them trash themselves if they want to.

Now on to the big idea: Hall and Nash. Ignore that we saw Hall five minutes ago. My one takeaway from this, over nineteen years later: play is still not an adjective.

Quick chat about the Hogan heel turn, with Madden saying Hulk didn’t want to do it. I would get on them for killing kayfabe even worse but A, it was already mostly dead and B, this is nothing compared to what Russo did.

LONG stretch of clips on the NWO’s rise to dominance and Sting trying to be the savior.

We open hour #2 with a package on the Nitro Girls. Why does this need history? They’re good looking women and WCW’s version of cheerleaders. What history is there to cover?

The hosts talk about the 100^th episode with Luger winning the title, only to lose it five days later, making the whole thing a waste of time.

An hour and ten minutes into the show and they FINALLY talk about Goldberg, who was proof that Bischoff could create new stars. Create new stars, see the most obvious move in the world, same thing really.

Long video on Goldberg.

Talk of various celebrities who have appeared on Nitro.

The hosts move on to Nitro falling, which they basically attribute to Vince Russo and Bischoff having problems outside of his control, namely injuries. Now stay with me here: after talking about Bischoff being burned out and the company falling apart due to issues beyond his control, we move to Flair vs. Bischoff for control of the company. So is this supposed to be a real history or the storyline history? I know WCW wouldn’t know, but Heaven help us with Russo coming back to make it even more unclear.

Video of the awesome four World Title match way back in the spring.

Package on the Sting heel turn which bombed and all the ensuing mess.

Madden describes Crash TV and says it was working in WCW. Why Russo was fired so soon isn’t mentioned of course.

Package on some of Russo’s stuff from his first run.

The wrestlers’ comments on the new bosses coming in take us out.

Overall Rating: F. So let’s see: they don’t know if they’re talking history or storylines, they spend about 20 minutes of a two hour broadcast talking about the thing they’re trying to get over, and the rest of the time on history, which is going to mean nothing next week when the whole thing gets rebooted. All I know from this show is that WCW used to be cool, but then it all fell apart and that’s very sad as a wrestling fan.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17.404
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

This year has been all about the rise of CM Punk. In June he sat on the stage and ripped into John Cena and the WWE in general, leading up to the world title match at Money in the Bank in Chicago. Punk won the title in a masterpiece and then left the company as champion. Cena won the title from Rey Mysterio on Raw, but Punk came back with his title. Tonight it’s champion vs. champion for the undisputed title. Oh and Christian vs. Orton in the blowoff to the underrated feud of the year. Let’s get to it.

Adam Jones, some guitarist from Tool, plays the Star Spangled Banner. WE WANT MAN MOUNTAIN ROCK!

The opening video is about how Summerslam being where dreams are made. We shift to a shot of dominoes falling over. Punk talks about being the first domino being knocked over and starting a revolution. HHH is guest referee tonight because what would a major match be without him?

The theme song this year is Bright Lights Bigger City by Cee Lo Green. I usually don’t care for him but it fits the show well.

The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/John Morrison/Rey Mysterio

Cole IMMEDIATELY freaks out over Miz being on Summerslam. Miz keeps talking about how awesome he is until Truth cuts him off. This was when Truth was insane so he complains about things that start with the letter S, like spiders, Summerslam, Cee Loo Green and Conspiracy. Del Rio is the Raw MITB winner. The fans are WAY into Del Rio here for some reason. Mysterio gets a title shot at Punk or Cena tomorrow on Raw. Miz and Kofi get things going and the fans are actually behind Miz as well. Kofi hits a nice monkey flip followed by a dropkick before bringing in Morrison.

A double clothesline puts Miz down and the good guys do stereo nipups in a nice visual. Off to Truth who is tackled by Morrison but comes back with right hands to the face. Truth sends Morrison to the floor as the announcers talk about wigs. Thankfully Booker is there to get us back to the action by shouting BACK TO THE ACTION! Miz comes in with a kick to the head and puts on a chinlock, only to have Morrison kick him in the head to escape.

Kofi comes flying in off the hot tag and cleans house with his barrage of high flying offense including a cross body to Miz for two. The Boom Drop gets two and everything breaks down. Kofi gets two off the SOS but Del Rio breaks up the pin. Miz hits a kind of Diamond Cutter face plant for two and it’s Kofi in trouble from the boots of R-Truth. Del Rio comes in with a belly to back suplex and mocks Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise hand slap.

Kofi kicks him away but Miz breaks up a hot tag bid. Cole lists off Miz’s high school accomplishments as Kofi flips out of a sunset flip and stomps on Miz’s ribs to put him down. Hot tag brings in Rey to face Truth who does his usual backflip/splits sequence, only to have Rey kick him in the head. Del Rio breaks up a double 619 so only Truth takes the kick. Kofi dives on Miz and Rey hits a top rope splash on Truth for the pin.

Rating: B-. Take six guys, give them ten minutes and let them have fun. It’s an idea as old as time and it’s still used to this day because it still works. The good guys can fire up any crowd with their high spots and the fans were into the match as a result. As mentioned earlier, Summerslam is great at having good openers and this was no exception.

Johnny Ace wants an apology from Punk over a kick to the head on Monday. Punk gives an over the top apology and Ace walks away. Punk turns around to see Stephanie who wishes him good luck. He makes fun of Vince and she wishes both Cena and Punk good luck. “But I’m just Vince’s clueless daughter right?” Punk: “Yeah pretty much.” She offers him a handshake but he knows where it’s been.

We recap Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. Henry is just starting the Hall of Pain run and has been destroying everyone in sight and breaking a lot of limbs. He stood tall in the ring until Sheamus came out and said three simple words: I’ll fight him. It turned Sheamus face and made him very popular due to the simple idea of standing up to a bully. THIS is how you book Sheamus: have him in there against some monster and taking a good fight to him, not slumming it with Damien Sandow and winning each match with ease.

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus

Henry takes him down with a clothesline to start but Sheamus comes right back with right hands. The pale one pounds away and actually knocks Henry down to his knees, only to be thrown to the floor. Henry EASILY throws Sheamus through the ropes and hits a splash for two. A running crotch attack crushes Sheamus’ neck but he’s in the ropes before the count starts.

A backbreaker puts Sheamus down and it’s off to an Argentinean backbreaker to complete the set. Sheamus powers out, only to be sent chest first into the corner. Henry misses a Vader Bomb though and Sheamus has a breather. A series of ax handles to the chest and head put Henry down followed by the forearms in the ropes. They clothesline each other down and we get a breather.

Back up and Mark runs into a boot in the corner, allowing Sheamus to go up for the top rope shoulder, good for two. The Brogue Kick misses though and a clothesline puts Sheamus down. Sheamus slips out of the World’s Strongest Slam and there’s the Brogue Kick to knock Henry to the outside. Sheamus follows him to the floor but Henry drives him into the post and through the barricade in a great crash, allowing Mark to beat the count for a countout win.

Rating: C+. This was another simple formula: take two big power brawlers and let them beat the tar out of each other for nearly the minutes. It’s also a smart ending as Sheamus gets to stay strong but Henry gets another win. Sheamus would get a countout win I believe at the next PPV so it evened out. Good, fun brawl here.

World Heavyweight Champion Christian says his match with Orton will be an epic summer blockbuster. He’ll be like Harry Potter, making magic at every turn. Orton will be like Cowboys and Aliens: a flashy flop. That movie was good though.

Trailer for Killer Elite which is probably sponsoring the show or something.

Here’s Cee Lo Green for the mini concert. He looks like he’s in big sparkly pajamas but the song isn’t bad so I’m not complaining much. The fans aren’t moving at all for this but the vocals are pretty bad so I can barely hear a word he’s saying. Now he throws in his bigger hit Forget You, complete with Divas in red dancing behind him.

Now here’s a Slim Jim ad. I’m sure the fans are LOVING this stuff.

Now a 7-11 commercial. My goodness get to something else.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

I could go for a Slurpee. Back to 7-11 it is! Kelly is defending. Beth and Natalya are the Divas of Doom here and don’t like the Barbies like Eve and Kelly. Kelly and those AWESOME little shorts of hers go after Beth and we get the screaming headscissors. Beth is knocked off the apron and Kelly dives off the middle rope to knock her to the floor. Back in and Kelly flips out of the corner and Beth clotheslines her down.

Kelly gets dropped throat first on the top rope for two Eve plays cheerleader. This is a lot of standing around with Beth glaring down at Kelly before hitting a running Umaga shot in the corner. We hit the chinlock followed by the second over the shoulder backbreaker of the night. Kelly finally slips out and hits a quick neckbreaker to put both of them down.

Beth sends her into the Tree of Woe for no follow up before getting two off a side slam. Kelly gets in a knee to the face and goes nuts on Beth, only to have the handspring elbow countered. The Glam Slam is countered into a victory roll for the pin, just like every time Kelly beat Phoenix.

Rating: D+. All things considered, this was something resembling a miracle. The match was nothing of note but Kelly actually didn’t embarrass herself out there. She got WAY better over the years, but at the end of the day she was out there because of how good she looked in those tiny shorts. It also says a lot that less than two years later only Natalya is left from this match.

Stephanie leaves Cena’s locker room for some reason.

Truth and….Jimmy Hart of all people talk about a c-o-n-spiarcy. Jimmy offers to manage him and Truth seems interested before he realizes that Hart is…..LITTLE JIMMY! Truth looks over to see Ron Artest (Metta World Peace) and his daughter in a worthless cameo.

BUY TWIX!

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

I like Barret’s End of Days theme a lot better than the God Save the Queen one now. This is MITB fallout as Bryan knocked Barrett off to win the case. Bryan has some slow music which isn’t all that bad, but soon he would go to Flight of the Valkyries which works far better for him. Bryan is rocking the white trunks with red trim here which are pretty awesome. Feeling out process to start with Barrett punching Bryan down to stop the wrestling part of the match.

Daniel takes it to the mat and spins out of a wristlock before dropkicking Wade down. Cole says Barrett is a submission master as Bryan does the AJ Styles drop down into a dropkick, right down to the same overblown drop down. Back up and Bryan hooks a dragon screw leg whip and a running dropkick in the corner for two. Another kick to the chest gets two and Bryan backflips over Barrett, only to charge into the Winds of Change for two. A slingshot belly to back backbreaker gets two for Wade and we hit a reverse chinlock.

Back up and Bryan hits a running clothesline but Wade comes back with a big running forearm to the face. Wade puts Bryan in the ropes and kicks him out to the floor before hooking a chinlock. The hold doesn’t last long again but Bryan ducks a boot and crotches Barrett on the top. A dropkick puts him on the floor and there’s the flying knee off the apron. Back in again and the missile dropkick gets a close two for the American.

Bryan escapes a pumphandle slam and fires off more kicks to the chest for two. Wade ducks a clothesline and hits a big boot to the face for two but Wasteland is countered into the guillotine choke. Barrett goes down and there’s the LeBell Lock but Wade gets into the ropes for the break. Daniel loads up a superplex but Barrett crotches him on the top rope. A middle rope clothesline takes Bryan off the ropes and Wasteland is good for the 100% clean pin.

Rating: B+. I REALLY liked this for one reason: it was a good wrestling match. It’s a basic story of one guy wanting revenge for a loss in a big match, it had a good story in the ring with a striker against a technical guy and the action was good. Wade Barrett is a guy who can go in the ring but he’s the ultimate jobber to the stars and I have no idea why when he can do this.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Christian. Christian won the title at Extreme Rules but Orton came over to Smackdown to replace Edge as the top guy. Orton won the title on his first night on the show, ending Christian’s title reign in less than a week. Christian wanted one more match, turning heel in the process.

Orton beat him again, but Christian some how got one more match and if Orton got disqualified, he would lose the title. For once, that actually worked and Christian won the title. Tonight, it’s the final match with no holds barred. These matches kept getting better and better and if Punk vs. Cena hadn’t happened it would have run away with feud of the year.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton

Before the match, Christian brings out Edge to be in his corner to a HUGE ovation. After a full entrance, Edge says that he’ll never be cleared to wrestle again. When he first left, that made him happy because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. Edge didn’t think it was fair that Christian had to defend the title five days after a ladder match and Christian complained too.

Then he complained more and more and more and more. Then he wanted rematch after rematch and FINALLY he won the title back…..but he did it by disqualification. Yeah Edge did some bad things, but he did it with style. He didn’t hide behind lawyers and clipboards. Somewhere along the line Christian became a parody of himself. Edge didn’t know Christian would ever be like this, and that’s not good. Edge drops the mic, walks out, Christian freaks, and here’s Randy.

Remember this is no holds barred. Orton takes him into the corner and stomps him down before hitting a quick clothesline. Christian rakes the eyes and gets a quick one count off a middle rope elbow to the face. A backdrop puts Christian down and Randy stomps away but the champion chokes away on the ropes. Orton loads up the Elevated DDT but gets backdropped to the floor. Really back and forth so far.

Orton sends him head first into the barricade and loads up the announce table. The RKO is blocked and Christian grabs the belt before sprinting into the crowd. Randy catches up with him and stomps Christian down onto the concrete before heading back to ringside. Back in and Orton rains down right hands in the corner. Christian avoids a charge and sends Orton’s famously bad shoulder into the post to take over. The champion brings in a kendo stick to choke away before getting two off a back elbow.

Christian busts out a spinebuster for two and goes to the middle rope, only to be dropkicked out of the air. The powerslam puts Christian down again and now Randy gets the kendo stick. Instead of swinging though he catches Christian’s dropkick into a jackknife cover for two followed by the Thesz Press. Christian escapes the Elevated DDT into a Killswitch attempt but Orton counters into the backbreaker for two. The idea of this feud was that they knew each other so well and they would add another move to the string of counters every match. It was awesome.

Orton can’t hit the Punt but has to send Christian face first into the post to avoid getting crotched against the steel. Randy pulls out a pair of tables and slides one into the ring, only to have Christian drive him into the apron. Christian sets up the other table on the floor and they head inside where Orton superplexes him onto (not through as the table hasn’t been set up yet) the table for two. The table is set up in the corner but Christian counters the whip into the reverse DDT for no cover. Instead he loads up the spear but Orton jumps over and tries the RKO, only to be sent over the top and out to the floor.

Christian goes after him but is sent knees first into the steps to put him down again. Orton takes forever to set up the steps but gets sent face first into the steel again. Christian loads up the other announce table and blasts Orton in the head with the announce table. The champion tries an RKO through the table but gets caught in the real thing to destroy the table instead. Back in and Christian hits a quick Killswitch for two and Christian is furious.

The champion brings in a pair of chairs for the Conchairto but spits on Orton, causing Randy to move away. Now it’s Randy with the chair, cracking it over Christian’s back and knocking him off the apron through the table. Orton throws in some steps and trashcans before catching a charging Christian in a powerslam through the table in the corner.

Some HARD kendo stick shots to the back have Christian in even more trouble and the Elevated DDT crushes a trashcan. Christian tries one more rush but his sunset flip out of the corner is countered into the RKO (same move that gave Orton the title in the first place) onto the steps for the pin and the title.

Rating: A-. Much like the Undertaker vs. Edge Cell match a few years earlier, this was the perfect way to blow off a feud with Orton being the definitive winner. This feud did a great job of building upon itself with the extended sequences carrying over from match to match and building a deep psychology. Great match here and the whole feud is worth checking out.

Video on Axxess.

We recap Punk vs. Cena. As mentioned, Punk left with the title at Money in the Bank so there was a tournament held to crown a new champion. Mysterio won but lost the title to Cena the same night. Punk came out and held up his own belt, meaning we had two champions. This all happened in two weeks when it could have went on for months. The entire match is summed up with one idea: Cena doesn’t know if he can beat Punk. HHH is the new boss and is the guest referee tonight for no reason anyone not named HHH can figure out.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

Punk has more or less been turned face by the will of the crowd alone. Feeling out process to start with Punk grabbing a headlock and SHOUTING spots into Cena’s ear. Cena easily takes him down to the mat and slaps on a headlock. That gets him nowhere so Punk gets up and we have a quick staredown. Cena grabs a single leg and slaps on an armbar followed by a chinlock. Back up and Punk hits a quick leg lariat before hooking a chinlock of his own with a bodyscissors.

Cena powers out and hooks a quick fisherman’s suplex before hooking another chinlock. The fans chant Fruity Pebbles and WE WANT ICE CREAM as Punk gets up a quick big boot to the jaw. HHH hasn’t been a factor so far. A few knees to the ribs and a headbutt to the shoulder set up another bodyscissors from Punk as we’re barely in second gear nearly eight minutes into the match. Cena escapes again and they fight over a suplex off the apron. Neither guy can go anywhere so Punk kicks Cena in the head to knock him outside.

Back in again and Punk cranks on a neck lock but Cena stands up and suplexes out of it. Cena tries to speed things up but the shoulder block is caught by a knee to the head for two. The running knee in the corner misses and now Cena can initiate the finishing sequence, only to have Punk hit a knee to break up the Shuffle. CM tries a kick but gets caught in the STF, only to get to the ropes and counter the ProtoBomb into a downward spiral and a Koji Clutch.

Cena rolls out and puts on the STF but Punk slips in an arm to block most of the pressure before countering into the Anaconda Vice. Cena rolls out of THAT and tries the STF again but Punk crawls out before it goes on full. AWESOME sequence there as the gear has shifted hard. Punk backdrops him to the floor and hits the suicide dive but he bumps his own head in the process. HHH starts counting and gets to nine before going to the floor and throwing both guys back inside.

They slug it out back in the ring but Cena can’t hit the AA. Instead he busts out a GREAT dropkick and hits the Shuffle. The AA is countered again into a sunset flip for two followed by the high kick for two more. Cena escapes the GTS and hits a corner splash (?!?) and a sitout powerslam (that’s more like it) for two. The top rope Fameasser doesn’t get to launch as Punk hits the running knee to the head and the bulldog off the top for two.

Punk loads up another springboard but gets caught in the STF to put him in real trouble. He finally gets to the rope and pops up for a GTS attempt, only to be countered into the AA for a close two. The top rope Fameasser misses again and Punk grabs a quick GTS for two more. HHH still hasn’t been a major factor other than throwing both guys in. The Macho Elbow gets two and Cena goes into straight brawling mode but gets caught by another knee to the chin. GTS #2 connects and the three goes down but Cena’s foot was on the ropes before two.

Rating: B+. The match is good with that sequence in the middle being a big highlight but there’s one major problem for this match: it’s the sequel to Money in the Bank. That’s doomed so many matches over the years and while it didn’t sink this one, it certainly slowed it down a lot. Still though, good stuff here and definitely worthy of a major PPV main event.

Punk takes a victory lap around the ring but won’t shake HHH’s hand. The Game doesn’t seem too mad about it and raises Punk’s hand as the winner. HHH leaves, CM Punk poses, and KEVIN NASH comes in through the crowd and lays out Punk with a Jackknife. Cue Alberto Del Rio, briefcase in hand.

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Kick to the head, Del Rio wins the title to end the show. This would turn into one of the stupidest and most ridiculous stories ever with Nash showing a text asking him to lay out Punk but it turned out he sent it to himself for one more moment in the limelight after a big fan reaction at the Royal Rumble. The end result of all this: HHH beating Nash and Punk.

Overall Rating: A. This is a GREAT show with some awesome matches and some great drama at the end. Now to be fair no one knew what the drama would lead to, but it blew my mind when I watched it at first. The rest of the show is awesome though with the worst match being the Divas. If the biggest torture I have to go through all night is looking at Kelly in those shorts and Eve looking gorgeous all dressed up, so be it. Great show here and well worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Kofi Kingston/John Morrison/Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio/The Miz/R-Truth

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

Original: C

Redo: C+

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: B

Redo: B+

Randy Orton vs. Christian

Original: B+

Redo: A-

CM Punk vs. John Cena

Original: A+

Redo: B+

CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A

Ok the main event isn’t THAT good. I think we’re firmly at the point where my ratings are about the same for most matches.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/14/summerslam-2011-that-was-i-need-a-cigarette/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, make sure to check out the Wrestling Bundle, which wraps up Sunday August 23 at midnight EST. Here are the details:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/

Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Another year another Summerslam and yet again the company has changed. Tonight we have a double main event with a Wrestlemania rematch of Lesnar vs. Angle II for the Smackdown Title and an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw Title. 2003 was split down the middle in quality as Raw was atrocious and Smackdown was some of the best television in company history. It’s always interesting to see the two shows come together. Let’s get to it.

The US Marine Corps presents the American flag while Lillian sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video talks about how there is evil in this world and the Chamber tonight will prove it.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

The Dudleyz are challenging and the EVIL foreigners are Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier. Bubba of course comes out with an American flag to hammer in the face status. The whole patriotism thing was a big deal in this feud as the third member of La Resistance, an American named Rob Conway, pretended to be a soldier to sneak up on the Dudleyz. It’s a brawl to start in the aisle with the challengers in full control.

D-Von chokes Dupree with the robe to start before armbarring Grenier down. A slam and a legdrop gets two on Sylvain and it’s off to Bubba for the power brawling. He puts Grenier in the Tree of Woe and stands on his crotch to make the French guy scream. The Dudleys clear the ring but Grenier gets in a cheap shot to give the champions control on Bubba. A double shoulder puts Bubba down for two as the USA chant starts up.

Back to Dupree for a bearhug, which isn’t often a move you see on a fat man like Bubba. Some headbutts break up hold but Bubba walks into a spinebuster for two. Bubba punches his way over to the hot tag (four minutes into the match) and D-Von cleans house. A rollup gets two on Grenier as everything breaks down. D-Von walks into a double spinebuster for two but it’s What’s Up to Dupree. The 3D lays out Dupree but Grenier makes save. Now a cameraman lays out D-Von with a camera to the head to retain the titles. It’s Rob Conway of course.

Rating: D+. That’s a pretty lame choice for an opener. Not only did the fans not get what they wanted but the match sucked as well. This was a dark time for the tag team division and there was no reason at all for there to be two sets of titles at this point. At the end of the day there wasn’t nearly enough depth and it made for lame matches like this. The Dudleys would get the belts next month.

Spike tries to run in for the save but Conway lays him out with the camera. Conway hasn’t been named here but I think the spoiler is ok at this point.

Coach says La Resistance was clever so Bubba accuses him of being anti-American and vows to get the belts back.

Eric Bischoff is warming up when Intercontinental Champion Christian comes up. He wants to know why he isn’t on the show but Bischoff blames Co-GM Steve Austin. Christian isn’t pleased but offers to be in Eric’s corner for his match later. Bischoff says he has his own plan and won’t answer what happens in the bedroom with Linda. Eric says he’ll tell everyone later.

We recap A-Train vs. Undertaker. A-Train (Tensai) is working for Vince who is in a semi-war with Taker, setting up tonight’s match. This would evolve into a bigger war soon enough.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

A-Train comes out with Vince’s mistress Sable and Undertaker has bad ribs. Feeling out process to start with A-Train grabbing a few headlocks for early control. Taker hits a quick Russian legsweep for two and he cranks on the arm to set up Old School. The second attempt works a bit better and Taker stays on the arm. A big boot misses and Taker falls out to the floor, reinjuring the ribs.

A-Train starts pounding away on the ribs and sends them into the barricade for two back in the ring. Taker gets in some shots to the ribs of his own for a breather but A-Train comes back with an impressive suplex to take him down. This is the kind of character A-Train was perfect as: a heavy who could do some impressive moves at times. A-Train fights out of a sleeper with a belly to back suplex but Taker hits a quick Snake Eyes to get a breather. A big boot misses the big bald head and a double clothesline puts each other down.

Taker wins a slugout after A-Train hung in there a lot longer than expected. Now the big boot sets up the legdrop (BROTHER) for two and another legdrop to the back of the head with A-Train on the apron has the bald one staggered. The Last Ride is easily broken up but the referee is bumped.

A-Train hits the Derailer (chokebomb) but the delayed count only gets two. Taker accidentally clotheslines the referee down again (the second match does NOT warrant two ref bumps) and A-Train brings in a chair, only to have it cracked over his own head for a near fall. A-Train escapes a tombstone but gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What are you expecting out of this match? This was back when Taker was pretty bad in the ring due to being completely unmotivated and bored with the biker character. Thankfully he would be the Dead Man again by Wrestlemania and would eventually reignite his career around 2007.

Post match Sable tries to seduce Taker for some reason but Stephanie comes in to go after her, presumably setting up a mixed tag.

Coach polls some fans on who wins the Chamber.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff. Shane was feuding with Kane but Bischoff stopped them from fighting. Austin made Bischoff vs. Shane for that night but Kane interfered and cost Shane the match (he later tied Shane to the steps and electrocuted his testicles. It was stupid back then and it’s even worse now. This is what I had to deal with people).

Later, Bischoff caused JR to nearly be lit on fire, so Austin had to prevent a lawsuit by making Kane vs. Bischoff but Kane walked away for some reason, giving Bischoff the win by countout. This was a qualifying match for a Summerslam match with Kane, making our match tonight. Then Bischoff went to Linda’s house and pinned her arm behind her back and kissed her against her will.Think that’s enough to set up this match?

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Eric implies that he screwed Linda several times over that night. This brings out Shane to send Eric into the corner for a beating. Crossface punches send Bischoff to the floor but Shane clotheslines him in the back of the head. Back to ringside and Shane breaks the referee’s count (sidebar: why doesn’t that happen when both guys are on the floor and one guy slides back in at the last second?) before kicking away at Shane even more.

Bischoff is sent into the announce table and stomped down, only to have Coach come in with a chair and turning heel by helping Bischoff. The referee says ring the bell but Bischoff makes it No DQ and falls count anywhere. Shane is sent into the steps for two as Coach is playing the enforcer here. He holds Shane as Bischoff tells the production truck to turn off JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do commentary.

Bischoff starts firing off kicks as Coach does the eternally annoying JR impersonation. This keeps going for awhile until Shane gets in a right hand, only to be dropped by a low blow from Coach. Cue Steve Austin who can’t fight unless physically provoked. Shane shoves Coach into Austin which is enough for the beating to begin. Austin and Shane stomp Coach down in the corner and clear the ring. Austin has the mics turned back on as Shane grabs Eric’s hand and uses it to slap Austin’s face, meaning Austin can Stun Bischoff. That’s not good enough or Shane so he puts Eric on the table for the big elbow for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a long segment instead of a match. Also to recap how stupid things were at this point, we’re supposed to be interested in Austin/Shane vs. Coach/Bischoff when Austin has equal power to Eric. We also have Stephanie vs. Sable, because EVERYONE wants to see the McMahons dominating the show. This is in addition to Evolution dragging Raw down the drain with the Kevin Nash and Goldberg feuds. See why 2003 is considered so bad?

Wrestlemania moment. Kind of an odd time for one of these but Shawn superkicking Bret was an awesome moment.

We see Kevin Nash getting ready. JR: “Nash is a street fighter at heart.” I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

Flair and HHH tell Orton to keep the title on the Game tonight and nothing more.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Eddie has ticked off all three challengers so they all want to take him out. The champion bails to the floor so everyone else can fight and we quickly get down to Rhyno vs. Benoit. Chris hooks a quick Crossface, drawing Eddie in for the save. Tajiri is back in as well but Eddie breaks up a cover. Everyone is in now and all three challengers go after Eddie at the same time.

Rhyno hits a running shoulder to Eddie’s ribs in the corner and powerslams him down for two but Benoit comes back with a German suplex. A belly to back gets two on Tajiri but Eddie makes another save. Benoit is suplexed to the floor and Eddie is left alone with Tajiri, only to have the challenger monkey flip Eddie down for two. Rhyno comes back in and sends Tajiri to the floor but Benoit wants to beat up Eddie himself, triggering a brawl between challengers.

Rhyno gets control again and superplexes Eddie down for two but Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head. Tajiri snaps off the handspring elbow for two on Chris but Rhyno sends Tajiri to the floor, only to have Eddie headscissor him out to the floor. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit out of the corner for two and it’s Tajiri in again for some hard kicks. Eddie hooks the Lasso From El Paso (Liontamer crossed with the Texas Cloverleaf) on Tajiri but Benoit stops Rhyno from making the save with the Crossface.

Tajiri makes the ropes so Eddie turns around to dropkick Benoit in the head for the save. Benoit grabs the Crossface on Guerrero but Rhyno and Tajiri make the double save. Rhyno hits a spinebuster for two on Tajiri but Benoit knocks Rhyno to the floor. Chris rolls some Germans on Tajiri but Tajiri reverses into one of his own for two on Benoit.

Tajiri catches a charging Benoit in the Tarantula and the distraction lets Eddie get the US Title to shield himself from Rhyno’s Gore. Tajiri breaks up the Frog Splash but gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Benoit Swan Dives Rhyno but Tajiri makes a last second save. Tajiri and Benoit fall to the floor and Eddie frog splashes Rhyno to retain.

Rating: B+. This was non-stop action for about eleven minutes and incredibly entertaining as a result. It’s a great example of how wrestling and action can be so much more interesting than whatever drama the McMahons have going on at the moment. Watching these four make save after save is WAY more fun than hearing about Bischoff forcing himself on Linda or Stephanie being FURIOUS with Sable over whatever affair her dad is having this month.

We recap Brock Lesnar destroying Zack Gowen on Smackdown (good for him). Lesnar had him COVERED in blood and rubbed the blood on his own chest. Gowen had his leg broken in two places so he couldn’t face Matt Hardy tonight. Matt declared himself the winner on Heat like a good heel would.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Angle lost to Brock in the main event of Wrestlemania, leading to Vengeance where Angle pinned Lesnar in a three way to get the title back. The two of them became best friends and friendly rivals, leading to Brock wanting a rematch. Vince said no, but if Lesnar can beat Vince in a cage with Angle as referee, he can have the shot. Before the match, someone attacked Brock and laid him out with a concussion. Brock popped up and turned on Angle, revealing that he’s working for Vince as the new heavy and getting the title shot for tonight. Vince called this the REAL Brock Lesnar.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending of course. Brock shoves him in the corner to show off the power so Angle starts getting lower. They hit the technical stuff on the mat but Brock escapes into a standoff. Brock quickly takes him down with a headscissors but it’s Angle escaping to another stalemate. Lesnar shoves him around with the power so Angle leverages him into the corner and says bring it on. Some quick armdrags send Brock out to the floor and various things are destroyed in frustration.

Lesnar picks up the belt and tries to walk out with it but Kurt pounds him down in the aisle to start the brawling. Back in and Angle snaps off the first overhead belly to belly for two before stomping him down in the corner. Brock comes right back with a gorilla press and throws Angle out to the floor. Angle is sent into the steps as this is far different from the Wrestlemania match. Back in and Brock hits a release belly to belly without leaving his feet.

Angle slips out of another gorilla press and gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. We hit the rear naked choke on Angle which is turned into a bodyscissors. Angle fights up but runs into a knee to the ribs to put him right back down. Kurt is pounded into the corner but grabs a rollup for two, only to be clotheslined back down. The story of this match isn’t working as well as their first fight. This is much more of a traditional wrestling match with good vs. evil and that’s not what these two are best at.

Lesnar comes right back with something like a Muscle Buster for two, followed up by shoulders to the ribs in the corner. Brock sends him into the corner to stay on the ribs and back before firing off more shoulders in the corner. Angle finally moves to avoid a charge, sending Brock shoulder first into the post. A dropkick takes Brock’s knee out and Angle rolls some Germans for a close two. Brock comes back with an overhead belly to belly of his own but Angle pops up and tries the Slam, only to be countered into a spinebuster for a close two. The fans are into this match.

Angle counters an F5 into a DDT and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two for the champion and there go the straps. The Angle Slam connects but Brock is up at two as per tradition. In one of my favorite moments, Angle puts the straps up so he can take them back down, firing himself up even more. There’s the ankle lock but Brock makes a rope. Angle pulls him back so the rope doesn’t count in a questionable call, so Lesnar rolls out, bumping the referee in the process.

Lesnar sends him into the corner and Angle tries a sunset flip but stops before going down, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck in a choke before putting on another ankle lock. Lesnar eventually taps but there’s no referee so here’s Vince with a chair to Angle’s back to break the hold. Brock gets to his one good foot and hits a pretty awesome one legged F5 for a delayed two. Vince demands another F5 but Angle counters into the ankle lock. Brock grabs the rope but again Angle pulls him to the middle for no break. Brock grabs all four bottom ropes but the referee doesn’t break it, forcing Brock to tap out.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but the ending never worked for me. At the end of the day, if you touch the ropes the hold is supposed to be broken. That’s wrestling 101, but for some reason it doesn’t count at the end of this match. The match was good but it was overbooked when you have these two being able to own whatever ring they’re in. The Vince stuff was annoying but that’s what you have to expect in WWE.

Post match Vince tries to jump Angle again but gets Angle Slammed through a chair for his efforts. And on Vince’s birthday too.

Goldberg is listening to an iPod to get ready. That’s such a wrong image.

Some Arizona Diamondbacks are here.

We recap Kane vs. RVD. They had been friends and tag champions but Kane lost a match to HHH, forcing him to unmask. This unleashed Kane’s inner demons for the 10^th time or so, turning him into a psycho who lit JR on fire. Kane swore everyone was laughing at him even though RVD told him everything was fine. Kane beat up RVD in a match and tombstoned Linda McMahon on a stage to start his feud with Shane, leading to a rematch with Rob here tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Fink says this is No Holds Barred. So does that make Kane Zeus? JR calls Kane an inbred mongrel dog, which isn’t that high up on his list of sayings. Van Dam fires off right hands to start but Kane takes him to the floor with a few uppercuts. Kane charges into a boot and gets kicked in the face to put the monster down. Kane easily slugs him down and pulls out a ladder. Van Dam manages to smash the end of it to drive the ladder into Kane’s face, only to have Rolling Thunder caught by the throat.

RVD kicks out of the chokeslam but gets knocked out to the floor as the brawl continues. Kane sends him into the steps and is in full on monster mode. Back in and Van Dam scores with a kick and some shoulders to the ribs for two. Rob goes up top but gets shoved down onto the barricade to give Kane control again. A ladder to the face gets two back in the ring and a big clothesline puts Van Dam down again.

We hit the slow motion part of the match as Kane pounds on Van Dam very slowly to stop the crowd from being interested. Van Dam is backdropped to the floor but Kane badly botches the top rope clothesline, nearly falling on his head and dying. Kane avoids another ladder shot and DDTs Van Dam on he floor, only to have Rob catch a charging Kane in a drop toehold to send him face first into the steps. Kane is kicked into the crowd and crotched as he tries to come back to ringside.

Van Dam’s spin kick off the apron puts Kane down again as this match just keeps going. Back in and Rolling Thunder onto the chair crushes Kane but Rob can’t follow up. Kane sits up but gets caught by a Van Daminator. Rob loads up the Van Terminator but Kane rolls away at the last second. They head to the floor and Kane tombstones Rob onto the steps, killing him dead for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was an ok brawl but it went on WAY too long. At the end of the day this was just a rest stop on the way to Kane vs. Shane next month which was probably the more interesting feud anyway. The match was Van Dam trying his best but not being able to keep Kane down. It certainly wasn’t a squash but it wasn’t many steps above one.

Eric is annoyed that Terri is asking him questions. Linda comes in and slaps Bischoff in the face.

HHH looks at the world title.

The Chamber is lowered.

We recap the world title match. There isn’t much to this other than HHH is injured and can’t fight Goldberg one on one so we get an Elimination Chamber instead. Goldberg is in for obvious reasons, Jericho and Nash have been feuding lately, Orton is there to give HHH a hand and Shawn is there for past issues with HHH. This gets the music video treatment, set to St. Anger by Metallica.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

After about 12 minutes of entrances we start with Shawn vs. Jericho, who will go for three minutes. After that time is up, a pod will open to release another wrestler. Three more minutes and another pod opens. This repeats until everyone is in and it’s last man standing wins. Eliminations can occur at any time and have to take place in the ring, not on the cage floor outside the ring next to the pods. They trade hammerlocks to start until Jericho rolls through a cross body for two.

They trade chain wrestling moves into a pinfall reversal sequence as the fans chant for Goldberg. Back up and Shawn slaps him in the face before backdropping him down. Jericho’s Walls attempt is countered into a small package for two but Jericho comes back with a bulldog to take Shawn down. JR screws up the world title continuity by saying the title has only changed hands once in Phoenix, but that’s the other world title. Not that it matters to WWE but they make such a big deal about the continuity that it’s worth pointing out.

Anyway Orton is #3 and gets two off a high cross to Shawn. Michaels is clotheslined to the cage floor but he comes back in to pound away on Jericho. Randy dropkicks him down and stomps Jericho down against the ropes but can’t RKO Shawn. Instead Orton is sent to the cage floor by a combined effort, only to have Jericho put Shawn in the Walls. Kevin Nash is in at #4 to make the save and go after Jericho as Shawn and Orton brawl in the ring. Jericho’s face is rubbed against the cage to give us our first blood.

Nash (with short blonde hair here for a movie) cleans house but walks into a superkick into a rollup for the pin by Jericho. Nash was in there about two minutes or so. HHH is #5 but Shawn superkicks him before he can get out of the pod to make sure the injured champion doesn’t have to do much. Nash lays out Jericho, Orton and Shawn with Jackknives, leaving everyone down for a massive dead spot. Shawn is busted as well.

They finally get back up to slug it out as JR talks about Oklahoma for no apparent reason. Here’s Goldberg at #6 to FINALLY wake the crowd up a bit. He cleans house and clotheslines Jericho and Shawn down before spearing Orton down for the pin, leaving us with four. Jericho hits a quick missile dropkick for two on Goldberg but he launches Chris into the cage to put him back down.

Goldberg sends Shawn into the corner before spearing Jericho through the glass pod. Goldberg is dazed though, allowing Shawn to drop the elbow to set up Sweet Chin Music. This is Goldberg though so the kick is blocked by a spear and the Jackhammer gets us down to three. A quick spear and Jackhammer to Jericho leaves us with HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH is still in the pod as he’s been in the match for about six minutes now and literally hasn’t done anything.

Flair shoves the pod door closed to save HHH so Goldberg kicks the pod door in so we can actually have a match. Goldberg pounds away in the pod before sending HHH face first into the cage. The champion is busted open but he FINALLY gets in a kick to the leg and sends Goldberg into the cage. Goldberg comes right back with a clothesline and they head into the ring. The spear is loaded up but hits the sledgehammer that Flair slid in, keeping the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work very well and the ending sums up everything wrong with Raw in 2003. The fans were primed for a Goldberg title win, HHH was injured and had no business being in the match anyway, Goldberg dominated the match, HHH literally hit two offensive moves in ten minutes of match time, but HHH uses the sledgehammer to retain the title. Yeah Goldberg got the title a month later, but THIS is the match people remember because THIS is the big show. HHH wins at the big show, the monster wins the next month at the B show. Does this sound familiar to fans in 2013?

As for the rest of the match, there’s nothing going on here. It’s less than twenty minutes long from bell to bell and the three minute intervals really hold this down. No one had time to do anything, making it more like the 1995 Rumble than anything else. It’s just not very good and the ending sucked whatever life it had out of the match. Again, 2003 Raw just wasn’t that good and this match sums up why.

Post match HHH and Evolution gets to destroy Goldberg again with the hammer to really pound in who is the star. Goldberg is handcuffed to the cage so HHH can shove the belt in his face and remind him who the champion is to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s some good stuff on here but the HHH factor drags it down again. I’ve said this a lot tonight but 2003 just wasn’t a good year overall. It’s a bunch of matches and feuds that people don’t want to see but we have the same McMahon nonsense over and over again because WWE is their playground and they can do whatever they like. Over on Raw HHH gets to keep the title FOREVER despite being hurt and having beasts like Benoit and Guerrero waiting in the wings to be the next guys. Did they pan out in the end? No, but at this point no one knew that was the case and HHH got the title as a result.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: C

Redo: D+

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

Redo: N/A

Tajiri vs. Rhyno vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: B

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Goldberg vs. HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C

So I liked almost all of the matches more or the same the first time, but the overall rating is much higher this time. Not surprising.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: February 16, 2000
Location: First Union Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 5,586
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

It’s the go home show for SuperBrawl and the old guys abound. The big stories here are Hogan vs. Luger and Flair vs. Funk, one of which I can’t imagine appearing tonight because he’s worked the last two shows in a row. Other than that we get to find out if Prince Iaukea or Psychosis gets to fight Lash Leroux for the Cruiserweight Title. I continue to beg WCW to hire some fresh talent before too late sounds like great days gone by. Let’s get to it.

There’s a new opening sequence, which is a bit better looking than the previous one. This at least has more wrestling clips included.

Here’s executive representative Terry Taylor to open things up. Jeff Jarrett has been hitting too many people with guitars lately and Sid got into a fight with Hall in a hotel (meaning Hall got drunk/high on a flight, so he’s gone for a bit). Sid has volunteered to leave the building for the night as a result, which scares me to think about what could be headlining this show. Cue Jarrett to complain about people screwing with him and promises to take care of Sid and Hall on Sunday. Taylor takes a guitar and spray paint, which is going to get Jarrett over as the huge heel everyone knows he’s capable of being right?

Card rundown.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kaz Hayashi

Kaz is substituting for an injured Psychosis and the winner gets Lash Leroux on Sunday. Prince punches away in the middle and in the corner to start as Miss Hancock is here to watch. The punches go nowhere so Kaz hits a clothesline and punches of his own. A spinwheel kick drops Prince again but it’s time for the girls to get into it. That earns Hancock an ejection, allowing us to completely focus on this boring match. Prince avoids a backdrop and slaps Kaz in the face, followed by a dragon screw leg whip. The cool middle rope DDT sends Prince to the finals after a boring match.

Nash isn’t happy with Jarrett attacking Taylor.

Norman Smiley vs. The Wall

Smiley is rocking the Flyers gear this week. Wall no sells some clotheslines and kicks Norman square in the jaw, putting him out to the floor. That would be a better finisher than yet another person using a chokeslam. Norman whips him into the barricade but Wall shrugs it off again and plants him with a backbreaker. He may be a comedy guy but Norman can sell this power offense very well. Wall misses a sitdown splash and Norman comes back with his usual, only to dive off the middle rope into the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. Bad result aside, it was always entertaining to see Norman out there doing his thing. What isn’t entertaining though is to see the same waste of a talent like Smiley for the sake of pushing some monster like Wall. However, at least Wall is someone young (33 here) getting a push. It’s better than the norm around here.

Norman gets chokeslammed through a table and EMTs come out to check on him.

Tank Abbott vs. Van Hammer

Tank wins with the usual in 45 seconds. Are they trying to recreate Goldberg?

Kidman yells at Vampiro backstage.

DDP book plug.

Nash hits on his nurses.

Here are Luger and Liz with something to say. Luger has turned the two of them into stars when he broke Hogan’s arm on Monday (not when he won the World Title or anything). He doesn’t need to brag about his incredible body because he has a new partner in Ric Flair. This brings out Ric, who shouts down fat boys and insults the Philadelphia fans by saying he and Luger are real athletes unlike Eric Lindros.

After some bragging about hurting Funk, here are Terry and Dustin Rhodes to say this is hardcore country. Ah yes, it had been a few weeks since they had used ECW to get their boring shows over. Funk says Dustin is better than his daddy and a challenge for a tag match is thrown down. Even the promos to set up the main events are boring.

The Mamalukes want to hurt David and Crowbar on Sunday. They’re Italians you see.

Harris Brothers vs. Kidman/Vampiro

Vampiro has new music but the Twins are a little bit country and jump him to start. A quick kick to the face staggers Ron and the hot tag brings in Kidman to dive onto both of them. Vampiro isn’t paying attention when Kidman tags him in though as these two guys, who spent weeks fighting, amazingly can’t get along.

Ron side slams Vampiro to take over before it’s off to Don for a Rock Bottom and powerslam. A chinlock goes nowhere so Vampiro comes back with a spinwheel kick and makes the tag. Kidman cleans house and hits his Bodog as Vampiro walks out, only to come back and take a chair that was aimed at Kidman, giving Don the pin.

Rating: D+. Can we just have Vampiro and Kidman fight again so we can get this over with? Maybe one of them can move up the ladder a bit as a result, but I’d assume they’ll be thrown into another meaningless midcard feud because they’re talented enough to put some worry into the people on top, who are guaranteed their spots because they’re the top stars.

Big Vito vs. Crowbar

Street fight. In the back, the Mamalukes jump Crowbar and lock David and Daffney in their locker room. Who would give those two a locker room? Couldn’t you put them in a storage closet and let them have fun there instead? Vito backdrops Crowbar onto a car but Crowbar does the same off a suplex and drops a leg for two. Daffney has escaped the room and is throwing what appear to be vegetables at the guys. Vito stomps away, throws Crowbar into a car and drops an elbow (just a regular elbow) for the pin. So much for that going anywhere.

Nash continues to hit on the nurses.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

Mark Johnson vs. Mickie Jay

Yes they’re referees and yes, this is getting time instead of any of those young wrestlers who might benefit from a TV match. Mark, the evil crooked one, jumps Mickie from behind and wraps his leg around the post. Back in and more knee work sets up a middle rope elbow but Mark only hits mat. Cue the Harris Brothers to distract the referee, allowing the other to kick Mickie down for the pin. If this is the best use of their TV time, cancel Thunder already.

Fit Finlay vs. Brian Knobbs

This is a cast match before both guys have broken arms and Jimmy Hart, with a broken arm of his own, is guest referee. They’re quickly on the floor with Knobbs being sent arm first into the steps before the brawl goes into the crowd. Since you can’t see anything they quickly come back with Brian being sent into various metal objects. The Regal Roll gets two but Jimmy hurts his arm slapping the mat on the count. Finlay gets in a quick cast shot for the pin with Jimmy using the good arm to count. Another meaningless match with a #1 contender losing.

Jarrett is ticked off. As always.

We recap Hogan’s arm being broken.

In a pre-taped promo, Hogan talks about transforming into Hollywood and wanting to break Liz in half. I’ll let that one speak for itself, but my goodness drop the Hollywood character.

Dustin Rhodes/Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair/Total Package

Funk and Flair get things going with Terry taking him down for some left hands to the head. Everything quickly breaks down and Luger has to save Flair from a piledriver through the table. Back in again and Flair hits Terry low to take over. That’s fine with Terry who slams Ric off the top and loads up the spinning toe hold, only to have Luger make another save.

The heels finally start cutting the ring off and take over as I try to fathom who thought letting Terry Funk work the majority of the match was the right idea. Terry and Lex clothesline each other and Dustin comes in off the hot tag. Everything breaks down again and Liz hits Dustin with the ball bat, allowing Flair to Figure Four him for the pin.

Rating: F. This was the best idea they possibly had? Flair and Luger are a decent enough team as an upper midcard heel act, but Funk is killing it. I know he’s a legend and all that, but it’s getting embarrassing to watch his slow motion punches and expecting the fans to think they’re impressive.

Funk saves Dustin from more beatings.

Nash bans the Twins from SuperBrawl and gets guitared to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Unless I’m forgetting something, which is possible as the levels of boredom on this show might have melted my brain, the only thing on here that is going to matter on Sunday is Prince beating Hayashi to go to the finals of the Cruiserweight Title tournament. This show means nothing and their match selection and booking of the card made it even worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: January 26, 2000
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 6,323
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mike Tenay

We have a new World Champion in Sid Vicious but something tells me we’re in for some shenanigans. In other news tonight, Terry Funk has promised to bring in reinforcements against Kevin Nash. I’m sure this has nothing to do with Arn Anderson talking to some guy named Champ who needed to be told to put on his pants. Let’s get to it.

In case you were wondering, of the 6,323 in attendance, 2,510 were paid.

Quick recap of Nitro’s World Title situation.

Gene calls out Sid for a chat to start. Sid must be on top of the world and talks about standing up for WCW on Monday. Well no one did for almost all of the NWO civil war (including Schiavone) so better late than never I guess. The NWO tried to block the powerbomb and he was still able to win anyway because it wasn’t meant for the NWO to win every single match. That kind of thinking would get you fired back in 1997.

Cue Nash and the NWO with the boss saying this is one of the things he hates about being commissioner. As commissioner, he has to abide by the stipulations and the one from Monday was that Sid had to beat Ron Harris. He shows us a clip of Sid using the powerbomb, which hadn’t been banned at that point in the show, and pinning the wrong Harris brother. Now we get to the stupid part: the clip continues to show Sid being counted out of the ring because the match against Ron never actually ended because Sid didn’t pin him. Therefore, Sid didn’t win.

So on Monday, the referee counted Sid out and had the decision announced, and THE SAME ANNOUNCE TEAM DIDN’T SEE THE NEED TO BRING THIS UP??? I get that some things have to be done differently in wrestling and you have to suspend some disbelief, but this goes into “there is no way someone could possibly be this stupid” territory. Anyway, since Sid didn’t win on Monday, the World Champion is…..Kevin Nash.

However, tonight Sid will have a chance to get the title back inside Caged Heat against Ron Harris and Nash himself. However, the powerbomb is still banned and Sid has to pin Nash. Why Nash would do that isn’t clear, but then again this is two title changes, Hell in a Cell and another World Title match in two days so I really shouldn’t be surprised.

Gene reminds Maestro that he has never performed here at the MGM Grand. Maestro is offended and Symphony actually says “how rude”. Ok then.

The NWO has slot machines delivered to their locker room.

Maestro vs. Norman Smiley

Maestro comes out with his usual piano…..and Norman brings out a team of Las Vegas showgirls. The girls dance to the ring with Norman, who of course is wearing a white tuxedo and top hat because he’s awesome like that, and do the spanking dance. Maestro jumps him from behind because he’s a cultural swine. Smiley gets in a chair shot and it’s already time for a ladder, which fits so well here for some reason.

The whip is reversed though and Maestro sends Norman face first into the ladder and it’s time to go backstage. I’m going on a limb and assuming this is hardcore. Just thinking out loud of course. Norman is whipped into a bunch of things and then through a table as they find a sarcophagus. Well of course they do. Inside is…..the Kiss Demon, because demons live in coffins right? Norman is terrified and passes out so the Maestro covers him for the pin. It’s not long enough to rate, but that may have been the most insane match I’ve seen this year and it didn’t even run two minutes. That says a lot.

The NWO gambles a lot.

Liz and Luger have Sting memorabilia

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kid Romeo

Just like on Nitro, Romeo starts fast and hits a quick Thesz press and sends Prince over the corner and out to the floor for a meeting with Paisley. They slug it out on the floor as Standards and Practices, in street clothes this week, are here with Ms. Hancock, who certainly isn’t in street clothes. Well maybe on certain streets but not the most common ones.

Back inside and they slug it out as Hancock sits on the announcers’ table. Romeo hits a spinwheel kick followed by an enziguri and a missile dropkick for two with Paisley offering a distraction. Romeo goes after her and gets nailed in the back, setting up a reverse suplex to send Prince to the second round. Can we see a bracket to this thing?

Jeff Jarrett hits on 18 and gets a 3 for 21.

Terry Funk vs. Kiss Demon

Yes, this is a thing that is happening. They slug it out to start (did you expect anything less?) and Funk takes over with some very lame headbutts. Some boot choking in the corner leads to Funk being thrown outside but he whips Demon into the barricade, because Terry Funk is the second biggest face in this company after Sid Vicious. Back in and Funk gets annoyed that his neckbreaker only gets two, so he takes a swing at the yellow bellied varmint Nick Patrick. Again, your hero in this match.

A low blow and butterfly suplex get two for Demon, because when you think of a demon, you think of butterflies and suplexes. Funk ducks a right hand and busts out the Tumbleweed, which you may know as Kiwi Roll. Basically it’s a rolling sunset flip with Funk literally rolling him around in a circle before stopping for the pin.

Rating: D. Terry Funk, the second biggest face in this company, just had a match with the Kiss Demon. I want to hate this idea, but at least he’s interacting with the younger guys. For some reason I can’t imagine Nash actually knowing that the Demon wrestles for this company or that he’s a character that actually exists. Points to Funk for that at least. And I do mean least.

Kidman vs. Vampiro

Rematch from Nitro where Kidman won a good match. Vampiro starts fast with a headlock and shoulder, followed by a pair of suplexes. This would seem to be your fast paced wrestling match of the night. I’m as shocked as you are that Kidman is in this role yet again. Kidman’s right hands in the corner don’t work that well and Vampiro sends him outside and then into the barricade. So Vampiro is a face but acting heelish here. Got it.

Back in and Vampiro’s top rope spinwheel kick (a face move) gets two, followed by Kidman’s hurricanrana for the same. More kicks from Vampiro look to set up an electric chair but Kidman victory rolls him for not a victory. YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN but he can bulldog you, only to have Vampiro crotch him on top for a super Nail in the Coffin for the pin.

Rating: C+. This has been another show where Kidman has the match of the night and I’m sure it’s going to continue to get him nowhere. Well other than with Torrie but that’s a different story. He’s still fun to watch but you can add him to the list of people in WCW whose talents are being wasted while we get more Sid vs. Nash.

Some cops investigate gambling allegations against the NWO and there’s a Wayne Newton look a like. This goes nowhere.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

My levels of apathy towards Bagwell continue to reach new bounds. Buff takes over with a slam to start and we’re already on the posing. I’m surprised they even bothered with a move to start. Luger knees him in the ribs but eats right hands in the corner, only to come back with an atomic drop.

Two Lex clotheslines lead to more posing and it’s time to choke a lot. An elbow gets two and an elbow gets two and then Luger charges into an elbow. I’ve heard of someone being all elbows but a match being one? A low blow stops Buff’s comeback but Buff is up first and does his usual generic offense. The Blockbuster connects but Liz comes in with the ball bat for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Good grief fire both of them. Luger somehow has even less of an offense than when he wasn’t trying and Bagwell is getting even less entertaining than he already was. I guess it’s time for Luger to start breaking everyone’s arm in an attempt to make him an interesting killer but for some reason I don’t see it working. These two fought WAY too many times over the years.

Post match Luger gets in more bat shots and goes to Pillmanize the arm but referees make the save.

3 Count had an autograph signing at the Nitro Grill when the Mamalukes came up and started a fight. Music haters.

3 Count vs. Mamalukes/Disco Inferno

We start with a performance but the band has to dropkick the Mamalukes off the apron. Some big dives take the Italians out again and Shane covers Vito for two to start. Shane hammers away in the corner but gets powerbombed out and kicked in the face for his efforts. Off to Johnny for several lifts on a military press, followed by Disco coming in to stomp away in the corner.

The middle rope elbow misses though and it’s off to Evan. I’m not sure what to think about four dancers being in the same match. Fandango must have been watching this show. Evan speeds things up and cleans the bottom half of the house before it’s off to Shannon as everything breaks down. The double hiptoss into a powerbomb plants Moore though, setting up the Last Dance from Disco for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here and it’s nice to see the champions get another win, even if it’s at the expense of 3 Count. Yes they’re stupid but they were so goofily entertaining that I can’t help but like them. Disco is starting to find his groove as the manager/occasional partner too, which is good for him as he deserves a little something.

Post match Vito sings some Sinatra as the other two dance. This brings out David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney to clean house, allowing Crowbar to play air guitar as the others……dance?

Funk and Anderson are looking for Sid. I really hope this isn’t revenge for London back in 1993.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

Nash gives the roster a pep talk. Quote: “Let’s go out there and put the old guys over!”

Booker T. vs. Jerry Flynn

Booker has to be able to win this right? Like, he has to. Jerry jumps him from behind to start and knocks Booker over the barricade. Please don’t make Booker a hardcore guy. Jerry fires off a bunch of kicks inside but misses another one in the corner. Booker hits his signature kicks and the forearm, followed by the 110^th Street Slam (whipping spinebuster) for the quick pin. Thank goodness.

Anderson and Funk have a meeting with Sid.

Ernest Miller reminds us that he’s here and talks about loving Vegas to get the fans on his side….but then says he hates the people here. After some old school calling out a fat boy fan, it’s time to dance. Disco, 3 Count, Ernest Miller. The money in this company is a dance team gimmick.

Kimberly says she’s still friends with Buff even though she counted him down last week.

Nash has a meeting with the Harris Brothers in the back.

Finlay and Knobbs hug for some reason, allowing Knobbs to steal a wrench from Finlay’s pocket. You would think Finlay would notice it missing.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Fit Finlay

Winner gets a shot at Knobbs for the Hardcore Title, which shows Knobbs to be a coward by stealing the wrench. My goodness why does the Hardcore Title have a better story than the US Title? Finlay grabs a headlock to start but his shoulder block has no effect. Back up and Bigelow splashes him in the corner as we see Knobbs watching from the back. Finlay gets tired of selling and rolls outside to set up a table.

An attempt at a suplex over the ropes and through the table is easily countered, allowing Bigelow to go up, only to miss the headbutt. It should be wrench times but Knobbs is a thief (maybe he can get a job in the criminal field once the wrestling thing stops working for him), Bigelow hits Greetings From Asbury Park (pretend Finlay’s head hit the mat) for the pin.

The cage is lowered.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Ron Harris vs. Kevin Nash

Inside Caged Heat, meaning the Cell and anyone can win but Sid must beat Nash. Also the powerbomb is banned. Nash is defending and Ron is in a suit. We again see the clip from Nitro which no one bothered to reference because WCW announcers are off having ham sandwiches and finger painting during commercials. The cage is chained shut as Harris and Nash double team Sid like you would expect them to do.

They head to the floor with Sid being knocked around the ring and Nash driving him into the cage wall. It works so well that Nash does it again twice in a row as this is total domination, as you would expect. For no apparent reason, Nash and Harris go inside for a few seconds before coming back outside to choke with a TV cable. They go inside again and, as in every triple threat ever, the two in control argue over who gets to cover.

Sid fights back for a bit until Nash gets in a shot to the ribs to take over. They head outside again with Sid going into the cage for I think the fifth time. We get some blood from the arm but Sid finally blocks a ram into the steel and takes over again. Harris is thrown inside for a chokeslam (with Ron landing on his arm) and Sid pulls Nash down into a Crossface of all things for the win and his second World Title in three days and the seventh World Title change in nine days.

Rating: D-. I don’t know if that’s meant as a knock on Benoit or just WCW trying to be cute, but I can’t help but shake the idea that Nash would have never tapped to Benoit in a million years. This was just a step ahead of Kidman vs. the Wall inside the Cell, though it still ranks as probably the second worst Cell match of all time. There was no need for this to be in the cage, especially not two days after the first match. Also, odds on the submission not counting because Nash said Sid had to pin him?

Ric Flair of all people comes out to applaud Sid, which is called a passing of the torch.

Overall Rating: D. This company has gone from slow as molasses one week to WOULD YOU PLEASE SLOW DOWN the next week. Things are going way too fast in the World Title scene and it’s getting harder and harder to keep up and/or care at this point. Flair is a welcome sight as you know he’ll be at least solid if not very good. There’s good stuff on the show but the gap between the main event and midcard isn’t going anywhere. Welcome back to 1998.

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Monday Nitro #224
Date: January 24, 2000
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 12,106
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

It’s actually a big show for once as we’re crowning a new World Champion tonight because the idea of waiting for pay per view is a foreign concept in this company. Kevin Nash is already in the title match but Sid has to qualify by beating Jeff Jarrett, who I don’t think is allowed to fight for the title. Let’s get to it.

This show is dedicated to Bobby Duncum Jr. He had potential.

Nash, Jarrett and Steiner arrive in separate limos with their women for the evening, including Major Gunns and someone who looks a heck of a lot like Victoria/Tara. Scott Hall is here too.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi

The finals are at SuperBrawl, Juventud is out with Psychosis and Kaz gets a jobber entrance. Presumably annoyed by this, Kaz shoulders him down to start and nails a nice release German. An enziguri knocks Psychosis to the floor and Kaz nails a plancha. Back in and Psychosis nails a clothesline before going after the knee.

After a few kicks, it’s back to the floor where Juvy gets in a People’s Elbow. So we have a fake Rock and a fake Road Dogg. I wonder who they’re ripping off next. Back in and Kaz dives right back to the floor to take Juvy out. Psychosis goes up top but dives into a dropkick to the ribs. Well at least they’re finally picking things up a bit. And they head back inside where Kaz misses a spinwheel kick and gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well the flying wasn’t bad but Juvy’s Rock impression, which still just makes me want to watch Rock, is taking away from everything else in the match. Psychosis, while not the best in the world, was clearly winning here because Kaz just isn’t very exciting in the ring. At least the division is getting some attention for a change.

Terry Funk and Arn Anderson arrive.

Nash says Jarrett has failed his physical and can’t go tonight, but the boss has a plan.

After a break, Nash makes Funk vs. Bam Bam Bigelow in a hardcore match.

The Wall vs. Kid Romeo

Squash time. We hear about Nash putting out a $15,000 bounty on Funk. This would be shocking, until you realize that Funk is probably the second biggest face in the company right now. Romeo fires off dropkicks to start and actually knocks Wall to the ropes. He doesn’t knock Wall out to the floor as Wall jumps over the ropes to get there but at least Romeo got him halfway. Romeo’s plancha barely works but he scores with an enziguri back inside, only to try a sunset flip and get chokeslammed for the pin. Wall barely had any offense until the ending.

Sid thinks something is afoot with the Jarrett absence.

Arn tries to talk to Bigelow but Bam Bam would beat up his mother for $15,000. Anderson: “It’s your funeral.”

Scott Steiner and Hall offer the Power Plant guys a chance to fight tonight. Their pick: Al Greene. One of the guys who didn’t get picked was none other than Christopher Daniels, who worked a dark match before the show.

Norman Smiley vs. Shannon Moore

Dang I don’t know who to cheer for. Norman, in Dodgers gear, interrupts the song, therefore making him the instant heel. It also earns him a quick 3-1 beating until it’s just Shannon in the ring. Norman fights up and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and IT’S DANCE TIME! Moore doesn’t care for the spankings and tries a rollup, only to get countered into a front powerbomb.

It’s time to get the rest of the boys involved but Norman is of course way too smart for them (meaning he has an IQ higher than a squid). Shannon is back up with an Asai moonsault to the floor though and Norman is actually in trouble for a change. Back inside and Norman slaps on the namesake Conquest for the submission. It’s pretty sad that this is a major upgrade in feuds for Norman, but I’ll take what I can get.

Post match it’s time to sing again but Moore is still down. Instead, Norman clears the ring and dances for them.

Al Greene vs. Tank Abbott

Abbott knees him into the ribs, punches him in the corner, slams him down, and knocks Greene out with a big right hand for his longest match yet.

Tank yells at his former UFC bodyguard, who Heenan interviews after a break. The bodyguard, who isn’t named, says Abbott is a sellout.

Here’s Ernest Miller, now with blond hair, who promises to whip everybody as soon as he can get back in the ring. The fat boy in the front row can sit down and it’s dance time. How many people in this company dance at the moment?

Greene is loaded into an ambulance and the NWO laughs.

Terry Funk vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Anything goes of course. Bigelow jumps him in the back to start and drags the elder statesman to the arena for some choking with a well placed rope. Some chair shots knock Funk towards the ring but he’s still able to avoid the top rope headbutt. They’re quickly back on the floor and Funk busts out an Asai moonsault of his own to drop the big man. Now it’s Funk with the chair but, ever the crazy man, he tries to headbutt Bigelow and just hurts himself even worse.

Bigelow throws it back inside and this time the top rope headbutt connects, but here are Finlay and Knobbs to help out their mentor (I guess?). That’s fine with Bigelow who easily knocks both guys away and loads up another headbutt. He’s a man of limited offense. This time though, Knobbs puts a chair over Funk and Bigelow knocks himself cold, giving Terry the pin.

Rating: D. So Funk is in a hardcore feud and a main event feud, thereby making this company more and more like ECW every single week. The match was exactly what you would expect from these two (both former ECW World Champions oddly enough) and the addition of Knobbs and Finlay doesn’t make it any better.

Funk promises reinforcements against Nash on Thunder.

Don Harris vs. Sid Vicious

If Sid wins, he faces Nash for the title later tonight. Harris is replacing Jarrett because…..I have no idea why. Sid is smart enough to go after Don before he can even get his jacket off because you know there’s going to be cheating here. They head outside with Sid in control, but he takes too long throwing Don inside and the twins are already switching. Ron clotheslines Sid out to the floor and it’s another switch. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit before the twins plant Sid with a double slam. Back up and Sid grabs a chokeslam on Don, who rolls outside for a switch, so Sid powerbombs Ron for the pin.

Rating: D. This is a thing that happened. I’m not sure what else there is to say about it but I’m sure that Nash will be able to tell the twins apart (or that he watched the match. Well in theory as not many other people were) and it’s going to be a loophole. Boring match of course, but did you expect anything else from the Harris Twins?

Vampiro vs. Kidman

Torrie comes out wearing basically a zebra print bikini. Vampiro misses a kick to start and they circle each other a bit. A headscissors doesn’t do much good for Kidman as Vampiro throws him down with a release powerbomb. We cut to the crowd and OH GOOD LORD NO IT’S DAVID ARQUETTE! Please cut away from him. Please. I can’t handle it. Kidman reverses a powerbomb as only he can but he gets planted with a side slam for two.

Vampiro misses the top rope legdrop and Kidman hits a big plancha to take him out on the floor. Back up and Kidman dropkicks him to the floor, only to have a slingshot plancha caught. That’s fine with Kidman as he slips down the back and sends him into the post to take over again. Torrie seems way into this. The BK Bomb gets two and Vampiro’s DDT gets the same, much to the latter’s shock.

A little miscommunication sets up a release Rock Bottom from Vampiro but he gets dropkicked out of the air. That’s fine with Vampiro who counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb for two more. With nothing else working, Vampiro loads up a superbomb but you can’t superbomb Kidman (that doesn’t have the same ring to it), who hurricanranas Vampiro down for the pin.

Rating: B. Again, WHY IS KIDMAN NOT DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT??? He just got done with three matches at one pay per view and he’s had the best match on the last three TV shows, but he can’t get anywhere near the US Title because that’s Jarrett’s and he can’t get anywhere near the TV Title because it was literally trashed a few months ago. Such is life in WCW.

Arn Anderson is on the phone with champ. “Get your pants on. Can you be in Vegas for Thunder?”

Nash gets a massage, which is part of his plan to win the World Title.

Vampiro has something to say but his mic doesn’t work.

Total Package vs. Booker T.

Liz does an over the top introduction for Luger, who then babbles on about Sting. Just get him back so he can crush Luger and be done with it. No one can compare to Luger, including Hulk Hogan himself. There’s SuperBrawl I guess. Booker comes out and slugs away because he should be moving up the ladder but we need a Road Wild 1997 rematch.

An early Rock Bottom gets two on Luger and the ax kick (good looking one) knocks him silly but Liz offers a distraction. Cue Midnight to take care of Liz, allowing Booker to hit a big side kick, only to have Big T. sneak in with a slap jack to knock Booker silly, setting up Luger’s Rack for the unconscious win. So glad to see Booker getting knocked cold again so the Rack can beat him one more time to set up the big main event Luger vs. Hogan feud that is happening for no apparent reason.

Post match Sting’s music comes on and we have a shadowy figure with a bat on the stage. Smoke comes on and whisks him away however. Great. So now Luger is feuding with Sting, Hogan and Warrior.

Vampiro thinks the WWF sabotaged his mic and wants a rematch with Kidman.

David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney have an idea for the upcoming Tag Team Title match.

Tag Team Titles: Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes are defending but before either team comes out, David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney take over all three commentary spots. David takes over Tony’s job and actually isn’t terrible considering he’s sounding normal with a twinge of crazy. Disco is suddenly fine with being with the Mamalukes after trying to make them lose more than once. Daffney thinks they’re the Marmadukes and Marmalades. Crowbar: “I’m like Bobby Eaton and you have the mat skills of Sweet Stan Lane.”

They shove each other around to start and the challengers get the early advantage. David: “This one time, at band camp, I hit someone over the head with my crowbar.” Standards and Practices come out to watch but only Ms. Hancock sticks around. The camera stays on her for a bit before we see Vito working on Knobbs in the corner. Disco and Hancock stare each other down and Crowbar brings up the crimson mask. Crowbar isn’t half bad as a play by play guy. “Double ax handle to the chest! That could cave in the upper thorax!”

Both challengers crush Johnny in the corner as David starts dancing on the table. Hancock leaves with David and Daffney following as Finlay hits the Regal Roll on Johnny. Disco offers a distraction so Vito can get in a belt shot for two as everything breaks down. Knobbs throws a chair at Finlay by mistake (Crowbar: “A FAUX PAS!”), setting up Vito’s swinging inverted DDT to retain the belts.

Rating: D. Crowbar and Hancock were the highlights of the match. There’s only so much you can expect from these four, but they’re already better in the ring than Flair and Crowbar, almost by default. You could barely keep track of the match with all the shenanigans though, and that gets old in a hurry.

Here’s Nash with something to say, though first he has to steal a fan’s sign about Hall being afraid of O’Doul’s beer (non-alcoholic). The fans want Goldberg but “he doesn’t work here anymore.” He and Sid are about to fight but since the powerbomb is so dangerous, it’s banned from use tonight. Well Nash already beat Sid in a powerbomb match without using a powerbomb so that really doesn’t change much. The NWO is on it’s way to Vegas so it’s one on one.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Kevin Nash

Thankfully Nash just stayed in the ring instead of leaving like so many people (including Nash in the past) have done before. Sid shoves him to the floor to start but Nash cheats to win a test of strength to take over. They head outside again as the announcers actually talk about Thunder being taped tomorrow night. I know it’s not exactly a secret but it’s not something you hear about that often. We hit the sleeper on Sid back inside because Nash needs to rest a bit.

Tony’s logic on the match: a loss here makes the NWO even stronger. Sid’s arm goes up after the second drop but he drives Nash into the referee in the corner. A big boot and legdrop set up the hand to the ear to see if the fans want a powerbomb. Cue Jarrett (Nash LIED???) but Sid takes the guitar away to blast Nash, but Sid is smart enough to play possum before crawling over military style for the pin and the title. BIG pop for that.

Rating: D. As I think everyone guessed coming in, this was a slow and mostly dull power match. The ending would have been better suited after a 10-15 minute match, but I don’t think the world was ready for Sid vs. Nash getting that much time in the year 2000. I’ll give them this though: the idea of Sid outsmarting someone is about as entertaining a bit of fiction as I’ve seen in a long time.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is getting downright tolerable. Above all else they now have a clear focus in the main event, which is more than you could say a few weeks back. Back then there were so many focuses that it was almost impossible to keep track of what was going on. Unfortunately that focus is on Sid, which isn’t the most interesting idea in the world.

Other than that there’s a more solid undercard being developed, but it would be nice to see some of the people move up the ladder and WAY less emphasis on the hardcore stuff. We get it: you can hit each other with trashcan lids and chairs and Brian Knobbs is totally interesting and worthy of pushing at least in the general direction of the space shuttle. I’m scared to think of who Funk is going to get as a reinforcement, but I’m hoping it’s just Sid so we don’t have to have anyone else coming in. Or maybe it’s Flair, which would work a bit better. Not a good show this week, but at least it’s a few steps ahead of where they were.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: January 19, 2000
Location: Roberts Memorial Stadium, Evansville, Indiana
Attendance: 2,726
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

The big story at the moment is how a huge chunk of the midcard and the World Champion are all gone due to Kevin Sullivan being part of the new booking committee. In addition to the talent leaving due to Sullivan, it also means that the show has gone from going 200 miles per hour to about 20 miles per year as the show has slowed way down and gotten a good deal more boring. Let’s get to it.

There’s a closed door meeting taking place.

The NWO arrives.

Tag Team Titles: David Flair/Crowbar vs. Mamalukes

The mafia guys are challenging and Disco sits in on commentary. Vito and David get things going with Young Naitch getting knocked into the corner with ease. I know Crowbar is crazy but how did he consent to letting Flair start? David comes back with some shoulders to the ribs in the corner, only to get nailed in the throat for his efforts. Crowbar dives over the top to take the Mamalukes down and gets two off a cross body.

That goes nowhere as Vito comes back with a delayed suplex, but only after he jogs around the ring while holding Crowbar in the air. Off to Johnny who eats a double clothesline but comes right back with a spinning kick to the head. Everything breaks down and Crowbar powerslams Vito down and drops a top rope splash for two with Johnny making a save. A Lionsault (minus the running start) gets the same as this is basically a handicap match. David gets the crowbar but the Mamalukes kick Crowbar into him (and the bar), setting up the spinning Impaler DDT from Vito for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. I like the result but not the method they used to get there. It’s very nice to see the titles go to a team that could actually work some decent matches, but the match that got them there was pretty much a mess. David just doesn’t have what it takes to be on this level and it was showing every time they were in the ring. At least the Mamalukes, as mediocre as they are, can work well enough.

Nash talks to the cops.

Page and Kimberly arrive.

The Mamalukes want Disco to take someone out.

Curt Hennig vs. Jim Duggan

Really? As I fathom the fact that these two are fighting in 2000, I took some time to see how many times these guys have fought. Believe it or not, they only have a few house show matches in the WWF and two Thunder matches. You would think these guys would have been a logical pairing at some point. Hennig answers something like an open challenge but doesn’t have on wrestling gear, so Duggan calls him a chicken.

Curt McFly charges to the ring and gets slammed down but he snaps Jim’s throat over the top rope. Some choking and a dropkick follow but Duggan just slugs away to come back. Ten punches in the corner are broken up by an eye poke but Hennig throws Duggan into the referee. You know I hadn’t realized how few ref bumps there had been since Russo was gone. Hennig brings in the 2×4 but Duggan hits the referee by mistake, sending Hennig running away as Duggan’s music plays. Huh?

It’s 3 Count time!!! They do a letterboxed performance and now they even have a super fan in the form of Karate Norman Smiley. Evan, so overwhelmed by the music, charges at him but Norman feels the power and clotheslines him down. All three members are taken out and Norman is so fired up that he issues an open challenge. Cue Tank Abbott because we need to see him every week. Norman fails at using Dave Penzer as a human shield and goes down in one punch. I’m so glad the fans got excited over Smiley until he got knocked cold by Abbott because we haven’t covered that yet.

Lash Leroux vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Psychosis

Sometime tonight we should be getting a statement on Oklahoma and the Cruiserweight Title. Chavo goes after Psychosis to start with some chops as Lash just chills by the ropes. Psychosis escapes a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker before joining Chavo for a double clothesline. That’s about it for the working together as Chavo sends Psychosis into the corner and slams him down, followed by a dropkick to put Lash on the floor. Psychosis and Chavo slug it out but Lash gets back up and dives onto both guys to finally do something in the match.

Back up and Psychosis nails Chavo by mistake, followed by a backbreaker from Leroux. Psychosis is sent outside with Lash following him for a whip into the barricade. This time it’s Chavo hitting the big dive to the floor and everyone is down. Back in again and Lash misses a dive, allowing Chavo to throw Psychosis to the floor. Whiplash is countered and Chavo nails the tornado DDT, only to have Psychosis comes back in with the guillotine legdrop to knock Chavo silly for the pin.

Rating: B-. Much like on Nitro, this was an old school fun cruiserweight match between three guys who should be fighting over the title instead of having Oklahoma hold it as a comedy bit. It’s cool to see Psychosis win as well as he’s an underrated talent, but the same could be said for Chavo. Either way, at least we got an entertaining match.

The Artist still won’t sing.

The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kidman

Kidman has his solo theme back instead of the Filthy Animals’ song. Prince shoves him into the corner to start but gets reversed and beaten up. Paisley earns her paycheck by tripping Kidman so Artist can slam him down and snap a wishbone. This brings out Torrie for her big return as Kidman starts his comeback, only to springboard into a powerslam.

Back up and Kidman gets two off a rollup, only to have his comeback punched down. Another slam sets up something off the top rope but Prince slips going up and almost falls down. I know it happens with everyone, but given that it’s Prince Iaukea I blame his lack of talent. Prince tries a springboard but Torrie pulls him down, allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb for the pin.

Rating: D+. Pull the plug on Iaukea already. He doesn’t have it and this new character isn’t masking the fact that he isn’t that good. Yeah he can do basic stuff well enough but anything more than simple offense is a chore for him. You have an army of talented cruiserweights on your roster and this is the best you can do? Kidman was his usual self here so there isn’t much to say about him.

Terry Taylor is escorted to the ring. I wonder if he got an extension can can still have tailor made suits now that it’s 2000.

Here’s Taylor as the executive representative (at least it’s someone who knows how to talk) to address the World Title situation. This coming Monday (because it has to be Monday and not at your next pay per view), there will be a match to determine the Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion. Commissioner Kevin Nash is going to get to pick one participant and the executive committee gets to pick the other. The committee’s pick: Sid Vicious.

This brings out Nash to rip on Taylor a bit and says he’s been reading the commissioner’s handbook, which says he gets to make the matches. The fans chant for Goldberg and again Nash threatens to fire him. As lame as his matches are, at least Nash knows how to antagonize a crowd. This Monday, Sid can have his title shot…..if he beats Jeff Jarrett. As for Nash’s pick, of course it’s himself. It wasn’t specified but I’m assuming Jeff doesn’t get the title shot if he beats Sid.

I’ll give them points for adding in a crowd favorite in Sid and Nash makes sense as the villain, but they couldn’t throw in a curveball here? You have a chance to make a brand new star to distract the fans from the fact that you just lost four young guys and you go with the safe route of Sid? I get the thinking behind it, but this would be a prime chance to pull the trigger on someone. They don’t even have to win the title, but give the fans something to get excited over. Like, at SuperBrawl, not the show five days away.

Nash makes tonight’s main event: Booker T./Big T. vs. Sid/Total Package. Ha that’s good. Now what’s the real main event?

Berlyn vs. The Wall

Time for the blowoff! Berlyn goes after him during the entrances but Wall, the giant monster, grabs a wristlock. Can we get someone to explain the idea of psychology to these people? Berlyn comes back with a nip up and dropkick and the fans already think this is boring. Wall throws him to the floor and drops an elbow to the back but posts himself, allowing Berlyn to dive off the top to take him down.

The second attempt (this time from the apron) doesn’t work as well and Wall throws him inside again. Get this match over with already. Back in and Berlyn tries to flip over Wall but doesn’t get all the way, making the match look even worse. Wall drapes him over the top rope and nails a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but the chokeslam is broken up by a rake of the eyes. Berlyn hits the ropes, eats a big boot and……gets pinned?

Rating: D. So they established these guys as a team in September and have the horrible blowoff on a show no one is going to watch in January? That’s the best thi…..yeah this actually is the best they can do at this point. Terrible match here as there’s no interest in either guy. They’ve managed to destroy so many members of the roster that there’s no reason to get interested in almost anyone.

This Week In WCW Motorsports. Yes this is still a thing.

Here’s Cruiserweight Champion Oklahoma as he continues to get to book himself into a spot for the sake of his own laughter. He brags about promising to bounce Madusa’s silicone censored back to the kitchen and that’s exactly what he did. After that win, Oklahoma has decided to vacate the title because there’s nothing left for him to accomplish. This brings out Madusa to call Oklahoma a coward before saying she wants to start a women’s division. Oklahoma starts his rebuttal but here’s Sherri Martel of all people to attack Madusa.

So wait. We’ll get to the match in a minute but I need a second here. Not only did Oklahoma set himself up to beat Madusa for the title, vacate it due to weighing 260lbs and cover her with barbecue sauce because making fun of Jim Ross is just oh so funny, but now Madusa is just being moved on to a new feud? In other words, the heel booker gets away with everything with his only comeuppance being the barbecue sauce after he won the title? Well of course it is.

Madusa vs. Sherri Martel

Miss Hancock comes out and sits on the announcers’ table for some fan service. Sherri chokes a lot, Madusa comes back with clotheslines, Sherri goes up and slips, Madusa suplexes her down for the pin. The match lasted a minute.

Nash tells the NWO girls to massage him.

Fit Finlay vs. Jerry Flynn

Not hardcore surprisingly enough. Jerry chops him down to start and pulls Finlay away from the ropes because Fit is trying to hide for some reason. Finlay comes back with an uppercut and let’s look at Buzzkill in the crowd because that’s still going on. Fit knocks him down a few times and drops a middle rope knee and they head outside with Finlay hitting an uppercut.

A chair to the throat puts Jerry in even more trouble but here’s Brian Knobbs with a kendo stick. Brian gets in some stick shots on Flynn but Jerry comes back with some kicks to Finlay. Knobbs goes to the apron with the stick but Finlay is sent into it instead, giving Flynn the fluke rollup pin.

Rating: F. It was slow, it was boring, it had Brian Knobbs and Jerry Flynn is getting a pin on television over someone like Fit Finlay. Flynn is similar to Tank Abbott: here’s there for one reason and for some reason the company insists on pushing him, albeit slowly, no matter how boring he continues to be. Another bad match tonight.

Kanyon vs. Diamond Dallas Page

The Triad fallout continues. Kanyon says he’s beaten Page over and over again now so there’s nothing left to prove. This brings out Kimberly, who is offered a spot in Kanyon’s entourage. Kimberly offers to think about it if the other girls leave. This brings Page through the crowd to get in some cheap shots to start things off. A suplex drops Kanyon and Page knocks him off the apron, setting up a Page dive to the floor.

Back in and Kanyon grabs a swinging neckbreaker (way too popular a move in WCW these days), followed by elbows and a chinlock. Page fights up and they head outside again with Kanyon hitting a quick Fameasser onto the steps. A high cross body from Kanyon is rolled through for two for Page. They slug it out with Page taking over, only to walk into a pumphandle slam for two. Cue J. Biggs with the briefcase but Page knocks him off the apron. Kanyon dives into a powerbomb, setting up the Diamond Cutter for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here but you could see Page having the whole thing mapped out. Kanyon continues to be entertaining in almost everything he does and should be doing something better than just fighting Page and Bigelow all the time. The same is true of Page. He could be fighting for the US Title (along with a few other people) but he’s just kind of here, going from match to match and never advancing.

Luger and Big T. talk backstage.

The NWO watches from their locker room.

Total Package/Sid Vicious vs. Booker T./Big T.

Oh this could be bad. Mr. T.’s offspring get in an argument to start and the fans chant for Ahmed. Eventually it’s Big T. vs. Sid to start and T. wants a test of strength. Sid asks the audience if they want to see it, complete with the hand to the ear, but Big backs down. It’s off to Booker as we’ve somehow eaten up two minutes of the match with no contact yet. Booker and Sid lock up, let go, and it’s off to Luger.

Amazingly enough it’s Luger with the first real contact of the match as he runs Booker over with a shoulder, only to have Booker knock him out to the floor. Nash is here to watch as Luger chokes Booker in the corner. We take a break and come back with Sid holding Booker in a chinlock. It’s off to Luger who eats the running forearm, only to have Big T. slapjack him from the apron. Now, down 2-1, Big T. comes in and gets chokeslammed, leaving Luger to Rack the unconscious Booker for the submission.

Rating: D-. So to clarify, not only is Big T. fat and out of shape, but he’s very stupid. Let’s just get to the stupid angle that’s coming with Harlem Heat so we can get Booker out of this and on to ANYTHING else because yet another Harlem Heat storyline can only go so far and we passed that about a month ago.

Overall Rating: D+. This is an interesting look at how the new regime is going to go. First and foremost, the matches are getting more time. Several of these had 4-5 minutes, which is enough time to get the point across. I’d still like to cut out a match or two and extend the matches they already have, but at least they’re letting the wrestlers tell a story and not have to fly through five plot points while trying to fit in some moves in between.

However, there’s another side to the new bosses. WCW is so desperate for a new star but they’re hanging on to the old guard as tight as they can. It should be all hands on deck to make someone into a star but instead we’re getting Sid and Luger in the main events with Booker T. doing the job to advance the Harlem Heat feud.

Since they announced the title match for Monday, I’ve been trying to figure out who they could have put in that spot instead of Sid and there really aren’t a lot of options. Assuming he’s healthy, there’s always Sting, but is that really where you want to go again, especially with Hogan out there somewhere? There’s Vampiro, but my goodness that would be a jump. Kidman is a US Title level guy at best. That really just leaves Booker T., who is last seen out cold and being put in the Torture Rack because Luger and Sid are a team for no apparent reason.

So we’re waiting to see if Sid is the guy that can carry the promotion? I’m assuming we’ll get Sting and Hogan back soon enough, meaning it really is going to become even more of a good old boys network around here. I know the idea is to find someone steady, but that should be done while also building for the future, which WCW has never managed to do. Everyone young has been ground down to nothing for the sake of pushing old acts for a quick score. Above all else, that might be the biggest thing that lead to their downfall. It’s really hard to care when the quality is going down and the champions get older every week.

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Monday Nitro #223
Date: January 17, 2000
Location: Value City Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 10,646
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

I have to say this way too often around here, but everything has changed again. Benoit won the World Title last night and that’s the last you’re going to see of him in WCW. Unfortunately that’s also the case for Malenko, Guerrero and Saturn, who all quit when Kevin Sullivan was announced as the fired Vince Russo’s replacement. The Filthy tried to get out as well but didn’t have such an easy escape. Now we get to see how everything falls out so let’s get to it.

The NWO arrives and Nash leaves Jeff’s hand hanging in a funny bit.

Kidman vs. Psychosis

We immediately start with a match and Kidman gets an early advantage off a headscissors and stops a charge by raising a boot. A high cross body gets two but Psychosis low bridges him to the floor and hits a big dive over the top. Thankfully the whole landing on Kidman’s head part didn’t cripple him. Back in and a nice top rope spinwheel kick gets two as the announcers promise to address all the major changes after last night’s show.

They head outside again with Kidman being sent into the barricade but he’s still able to dropkick Psychosis out of the air back inside. Psychosis counters a superplex into a super sitout gordbuster for two, only to walk into a wheelbarrow suplex. That earns Kidman a DDT and the guillotine legdrop for a very close two. YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN though and the faceplant gets the pin. This would be four Kidman matches in two days without a Shooting Star.

Rating: B. Off the top of my head, the best match WCW has had since the main event of Mayhem back in November. You can immediately see the cruiserweights being brought back to a respectable place as they were allowed to just go out and have a good match instead of being used as target practice for the heavyweights. They’re already off to a good start.

Now we get the big fallout from last night in the form of a statement from Arn Anderson. Terry Funk got beaten up last night for doing what he believed in and that’s what a real man does. Anderson has always tried to do what he said and last night he promised to call the match down the middle. Then he started watching the match instead of refereeing and he didn’t notice Sid’s foot under the ropes when Benoit made him tap out. Therefore the title is vacant.

To recap our title holders, we have David Flair, Crowbar (both of whom lost last night), Brian Knobbs and Ed Ferrara.

The Harris Brothers are in suits again and now guarding the NWO’s locker room. I’m so glad we had them turn a few weeks ago just to turn back already.

Booker says he hasn’t forgotten where he came from and apparently he and Stevie knew Big T. back in the day. They decided he was all wrong for them and Booker didn’t know he was out of jail. That’s already more backstory than we get for most new characters.

Here’s the new Harlem Heat, with Stevie saying he and Big T. are willing to give Booker another chance. Booker and Midnight come out but Stevie wants Midnight to leave. Stevie mentions Booker borrowing his bike to go get candy as a kid but the brawl is on. The team takes Booker down and Stevie wants a referee in here right now.

Booker T. vs. Big T.

Both guys are in street clothes. A quick Pearl River Plunge drops Booker and a World’s Strongest Slam does the same. Booker comes back with a forearm and ax kick followed by the Book End but Stevie throws in a slap jack to knock Booker silly for the pin. This was nothing.

Vampiro vs. Disco Inferno

The Mamalukes are out with Disco and tell him there will be no dancing. During the entrances, Tony basically begs the fans to come to the Thunder taping tomorrow night. Vampiro nails a spinwheel kick to start and another spin kick to the chest. Disco’s monkey flip doesn’t get him anywhere and Vampiro plants him with a release Rock Bottom, only to miss a corkscrew moonsault.

The Mamalukes validate their paycheck by attacking Disco as this is actually a faster pace than you would expect. It’s like they’re actually being allowed to try for a change. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Disco but Vampiro avoids an elbow and hits another top rope spinwheel kick, followed by the Nail in the Coffin for the pin.

Rating: C. Nothing great here but like I said, they were trying for a change. It’s such a different atmosphere already with Russo gone for one show and you can see the quality and effort going up. Vampiro looked decent here and I can see why they wanted to push him, but they need to do something with him already.

Scott Steiner presents Nash with some women for secretary interviews, including the yet to be named Major Gunns, Shakira and Midajah. Steiner wants to play Twister.

Tag Team Titles: 3 Count vs. David Flair/Crowbar

We get a 3 Count performance before the match to really make this show feel better. Evan is the odd man out here. 3 Count dives onto the champs to start and here are Standards and Practices to scout the match. We settle down with David suplexing Moore and dropping him with a belly to back for two. Daffney hisses at Evan on the floor so David runs over for the save. Helms superkicks Crowbar down and Shannon adds a top rope spinning splash for two. David low bridges Shannon to the floor, allowing Crowbar to hit a reverse DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. I loved 3 Count and there’s nothing bad about looking at Stacy Keibler but this really didn’t work. At the end of the day, David Flair just isn’t ready for this spot. He’s trying, but it’s very similar to Erik Watts in the early 90s: he needed a lot more seasoning before being thrown into this spot.

We get an encore!

Nash asks the ladies to leave so they can have some NWO business. Bret is nowhere to be seen. They need to get rid of the Old Age Outlaws but Arn can stick around for some reason.

Maestro vs. Tank Abbott

No piano, 13 seconds, one right hand for the knockout. This was a shoot fight, because the Brawl For All didn’t teach WCW anything.

Norman Smiley comes out to stare down Abbott but Meng shows up to give Abbott someone a real challenge.

Most of the midcard is coming to the arena. Since this is WCW, it takes far longer than it should have. They couldn’t have had them come out during the break? Nash and the Harris Brothers come out for the first official address of the roster. Nash praises himself but says he has goals for everyone out there. Tenay needs a personality, Knobbs needs a brain, Abbott needs a heart and Smiley needs courage. Nash: “I sound like Oz up here.”

The fans cut him off with a Goldberg chant so Nash threatens to fire him. This brings Nash to his first real act: Jeff Jarrett is officially the US Champion again. Jeff: “HOLY SLAPNUTS!” Next up is health, which is why there will be mandatory rectal exams before every match with Dr. Jellyfinger. Also, everyone is going to be in the same locker room no matter what level they’re on and no one can look at Nash but they all must call him Lord Master.

Nash will decide what happens with the World Title at a later date. He’s rapid firing through these ideas. There will be no illegal substances in the locker room, including Viagra. Nash: “Sorry Lex!” He praises Bagwell and Page for their match last night. Nash: “Buff, you doing Kim or what?” As for the first main event tonight, it’s Bagwell vs. Page in a rematch from last night with Kimberly as guest referee. They’re the NWO, they’re in charge, and they are gods.

Kimberly comes in to see the NWO and is given her referee outfit and asks if Page or Bagwell was better.

Team 2000 vs. Varsity Club

Team 2000 is Masahiro Chono and Super J (From what I can find it’s Jeff Farmer, better known as NWO Sting). There’s actually a story here: Rotundo was part of NWO Japan but left to reform the Varsity Club. Yeah this match is actually getting a story over a Japanese faction that most people didn’t know existed.

It’s a brawl to start until Chono starts driving knees into Mike’s ribs to take over. Off to Steiner but Chono wants Rotundo back in, which the fans find boring. I can’t say I blame them as there’s no reason to care about this story. Steiner suplexes Chono down and easily takes J to the mat. Steiner whips him into the barricade and Rotundo has a lame slugout as this just keeps going.

Rotundo chinlocks J as Steiner and Chono brawl in the aisle. Back in and Rick gets double teamed for a bit but they’re quickly back on the floor to keep up the brawling. A big boot to the face out of the corner blasts Rick again but Chono dives into a belly to belly. Everything breaks down again and the referee misses a small package from Rotundo to Chono. J comes in and rolls it over to FINALLY give Chono the pin.

Rating: D. This is one of the first major cases of the show having to throw in ANYTHING else besides Benoit/Guerrero/Malenko/Saturn. There was no reason for this to be a nine minute match and the fans might have been on to something with the boring chant. It wasn’t the worst match in the world, but like I said, there’s no reason to care about these teams fighting. The match wasn’t good enough to overcome that problem and it dragged on and on as a result.

Sid Vicious vs. The Wall

Sid runs him over to start and Wall bails to the floor for a breather. Wall is thrown over the announcers’ table as this is full squash mode so far. That’s it for the play by play right now as we cut to Disco and the Mamalukes coming in to say they’ll get the NWO anything they need. Nash asks if they’ve ever heard of Vinnie Vegas. Their assignment: go beat up Sid. Then get some grinders. We cut back to the ring to see Sid chokeslamming Wall for the pin.

The Mamalukes come out but eat powerbombs.

Scott Steiner, in a Michigan jersey and flanked by Midajah and a girl in a Michigan cheerleader uniform, comes out and beats up the Ohio State (Michigan’s big rival) mascot. Steiner does his usual stuff about how all the women want him and tells them to take a number and wait in the back. Michigan beating Ohio State was easy, just like the women in Ohio. An Ohio State fan argues with him from ringside and gets beaten down. Security quickly takes the bloody fan away as we’re firmly in the Scott is nuts phase.

Total Package vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Luger is finally out of the Sting attire. Bigelow elbows him out to the floor and pounds in some big forearms to the back. Back in and Bigelow slugs away, eats the metal forearm, and continues slugging away. The top rope headbutt connects but Liz distracts Bigelow to break up the Greetings From Asbury Park. Cue Kanyon but Bigelow nails him, only to take a champagne bottle to the head from Luger for the pin.

Rating: D-. Is there a point coming to this Bigelow vs. Kanyon feud anytime soon? They’ve been feuding, with Bigelow consistently coming out on the losing end, for weeks now and there’s no real progression to the story. This was another match that didn’t do anything for anyone and was just there to fill in time.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell

Kimberly’s referee outfit is exactly what you would expect it to be. Page starts fast with a shoulder and spinning Rock Bottom but Kimberly takes her sweet time counting. Buff comes back with a clothesline and they fight to the floor then into the crowd. Time for the ECW phase of the show it seems. A trash can shot knocks Page back to the barricade and they head back inside.

Bagwell nails a hot shot onto the turnbuckle but he stops to hit on Kimberly. Page gets back up and crotches Bagwell against the post. The Diamond Cutter is blocked by grabbing a rope (and it actually works unlike last night) and both guys are down again. The double arm DDT from Buff (well maybe an arm and a quarter) gets another very slow two count.

Back up and they fight over a backslide before the Diamond Cutter connects but Page can’t cover. Instead Buff gets up and loads up the Blockbuster, only to get crotched down. Page’s superplex attempt is countered with a low blow and now the Blockbuster connects. Kimberly “accidentally” collides with Buff and knocks herself down, allowing Page to get up and hit the Diamond Cutter for a slow pin.

Rating: D+. This is another feud that is just meandering along with little development in sight. It’s no longer about whether Kimberly slept with Bagwell but rather if she’s going to leave her husband for him. That’s about all there is as far as advancement goes, but it’s not enough to validate the boring matches that come with the feud.

Kimberly bolts from the ring and Page follows to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Suddenly Russo is out of power and this feels like a wrestling program again. It’s certainly nothing great but we had storyline progression that you could follow, some watching wrestling getting time (three matches broke six minutes and with ten more seconds on the opener they all would have broken seven) and nothing horrible/insulting to my intelligence. In other words, it’s a middle of the road wrestling show.

That’s the key though: this show still isn’t really good. A lot of the wrestling was uninspired at best and the stories were only ok. Nash as the power mad yet entertaining boss has potential and the lack of the focus on the mostly retired crew helped a lot. Unfortunately, I have a feeling the bottom is going to fall out very soon because they’re going to have to find something to fill in the void left by all the people leaving, and it’s not NWO Japan.

This is where the problems are going to crop up and there isn’t much WCW can do about it. The Radicalz leaving at once was like taking the walls out from a building. No matter what was going on, you could count on those four guys to put on a decent wrestling match if you gave them the chance. Now that they’re gone, there isn’t much left to take their places.

What’s supposed to make up for those guys missing? Page and Bagwell having lame matches? More Varsity Club? Ahmed Johnson? Jeff Jarrett cutting the same promo with the same slap nuts line every single week? WCW has lost the meat of their company and there isn’t much they can throw in there to fill in the gaps. That brings me to the big point here: the Radicalz leaving was the point of no return for WCW.

Now here’s the thing: WCW was going to die no matter what. In the long run, there was too much money being burned and too much of a mess to possibly fix the place. Somewhere along the line it was going to go under and Vince would be left smiling. However, as long as you had those four guys (or at least a young core group of wrestlers who could one day take over), there was always a hope. It may have been just a glimmer, but it was there.

However, all that went away when they left. Those four leaving took the hope away from WCW fans. Any chance they had to see something fresh come in and take the company back from the Good Old Boys network at the top was gone and the hope was destroyed. Now there’s just the old guys hanging around at the top, collecting their paychecks and putting on the same pitiful matches that no one wants to see except for the diehard fans.

Benoit finally got to the top last night and it felt like yet another Dusty Finish. Yeah he got there, but never mind because we need to take the title away from him and just let it sit around until we find some other old guy to put it on so he can talk about having some big match but never be able to live up to those promises. The fans have no reason to believe it’s possible now and once that happens, the faint chance that WCW could turn it around was gone.

WCW was already a very wounded animal before those four left, but there was always the chance that they could tape themselves up, get on their feet and nail one big right hook to knock the WWF back and have one more chance in this fight. Instead, and no one knew how bad it was going to get in just a few weeks when they showed up on Nitro, WWF just cut off WCW’s arms and punched them with their own fists. WCW may appear to still be alive and trying to come back, but at this point, without the core talent that they built up being around anymore, there is no more hope. WCW is dead.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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