Monday Nitro – July 10, 2000: We Don’t Talk About That Around Here
Monday Nitro #248 Date: July 10, 2000
Location: Jacksonville Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Attendance: 5,257
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone
We’re done with Bash at the Beach and that means a lot has changed in WCW. First of all, Booker T. is World Champion after a surprise change in last night’s title match. This change came about due to what seemed to be an overly complicated work/shoot which also saw the return of Vince Russo. We’re back to that old Russo style after a few weeks of false hope that the company might be getting better. Let’s get to it.
The opening video talks about Booker becoming the new champion and gives us a quick history of Booker’s career in WCW. This was a really good way to make Booker look like a star but there was no mention of Hogan whatsoever. It really is Halloween Havoc 1999 all over again.
Tony recaps things as well and only mentions Russo making an impromptu title match due to some circumstances.
Here’s Booker for his first appearance as champion but the announcers are busy talking about things that they legally can’t talk about. The fans chant for Booker and it’s one of the few genuinely emotional moments in years around here. Booker says this is him speaking from the heart but above all else, he wishes his mom was here to see him win the title. Well that’s already a better moment than almost anything we’ve had in a long time.
Booker thanks the fans for being behind him every night and he’s always tried to give everything he can every single week. He thanks all the fans in Dayton Beach last night (silence from the Jacksonville fans for that one) and to all the people in the back who doubt him, don’t hate the player, hate the game. Above all though, Booker wants to talk about Goldberg.
Booker says Goldberg has been out with an arm injury but has spent months complaining about everything. Goldberg is nothing but a mark for the business and himself (more terms the fans don’t get). Booker has one more thing to say and brings his wife (not Sharmell) into the ring to thank her for her patience when he was gone all those times. Before Booker leaves, here’s Stevie Ray to interrupt.
Stevie remembers growing up with Booker and everything he did for him over the years. Then one day Scott Casey (the wrestler that trained them) saying Booker had what it took to go to the top. Now his brother is on top of the world and Stevie is so proud. They hug but here’s Midajah to interrupt as well. She yells at Booker’s wife about Scott Steiner being the only real man here and here’s Scott with a ball bat to take out Booker and Stevie. Booker is already a more interesting champion than we’ve had this whole year.
Jeff Jarrett blames the Cat for the title loss because he wasn’t ready to defend, though I believe Russo booked the match. Jarrett wants his rematch tonight but Booker already has a match thanks to the Cat. Cue Scott Steiner again to lay out Jarrett and wreck the interview set.
Shane Douglas vs. Crowbar
Before the match, Shane brags about how gorgeous Torrie is. Well you can’t argue that one. Torrie says Bagwell was in the wrong place at the wrong time and calls Kidman Little Billy. Crowbar hits the ring and gets an early two off a sunset flip before sending Shane to the floor for a plancha. Torrie is nice enough to step between them, allowing Shane to take over.
Back in and Shane gets Two Amigos of all things until Crowbar spins out, only to have Torrie trip him up so Shane can get in another shot. Cue Daffney for some screaming and it’s time for a quick catfight. Crowbar throws him back in for a slingshot legdrop and a Lionsault for two. Shane pops right back up and grabs the Franchiser for the pin.
Rating: D. Well you can’t complain about Torrie in a skin tight green dress and Daffney in jeans but the match was your usual Shane Douglas affair. He’s good at making you want to punch him in the face but the matches really aren’t the most interesting things you’re going to see. Crowbar continues to be totally fine in the ring but getting stuck either jobbing or having nothing better to do than mess around with David Flair.
Post match Buff Bagwell comes in and beats up Shane.
Kidman, in a Bash at the Beach shirt, says Torrie is a dime a dozen but he’s more interested in his career anyway. This brings in Jarrett to shove Kidman away, triggering a brawl.
Smooth shows up carrying a gold record. Tank Abbott, in the top half of a tuxedo and shorts, and 3 Count (in full tuxedos) are in his limo.
Cat gives Jarrett Kidman instead of a title match.
Here are 3 Count and Tank with the gold record and a ladder for some reason. Tank tells them to hang the record and who are they to argue with him. This brings in the Jung Dragons to shove the ladder over and beat up 3 Count, only to have Tank clean house. Cue the Great Muta of all people to spray mist at Tank, allowing the Dragons to make off with the gold record.
Kanyon thinks he should be #1 contender after beating Booker last night. Since Cat won’t do it though, he’s getting BANGED.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Kidman
Jeff tries to get in some shots to start but Kidman snaps off a headscissors. That earns him a hiptoss out to the floor and Jeff sends him into the steps for good measure. Back in and Kidman’s high cross body is rolled through for two but Kidman clotheslines him back to the floor. I’m not sure how to handle this back and forth wrestling so here’s Torrie for a distraction.
Torrie’s slap is blocked but Shane comes out, allowing Torrie to kick Kidman low. That’s only good for two so Jarrett tries a powerbomb (as is his custom), setting up the facebuster because that’s still a thing for Kidman. A Bodog is countered though and the Stroke gives Jeff the pin.
Rating: C. As usual, Kidman could have been a lot more than just a guy in the midcard but instead they just have him job to every major name they can find and put him in a feud with Shane Douglas. The Torrie stuff would be fine but sweet goodness Shane really isn’t doing it for me and is dragging Kidman down with him.
Scott Steiner beats up Kanyon.
Cat gives Mike Awesome the US Title but he wants to earn it instead. He turns around and hits on an overweight woman. Well we had to get here eventually.
WCW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Booker T.
Booker is defending and slaps Mike in the face to start. Awesome’s right hands have Booker in trouble so it’s a spinwheel kick to put Mike out on the floor. Back in and some more right hands have Awesome in trouble in the corner but he runs Booker over with a clothesline. Since this is a Russo company, Awesome is allowed to use a chair to take over again. An Alabama Slam sets up the Awesome Splash for two. That’s enough wrestling for Mike so he sets up a table, only to be knocked through it instead. Back in and the ax kick and missile dropkick get two for Booker before the Book End retains the title.
Rating: B-. That might be high due to the level of awful I’m used to but I liked this match more than I was expecting to. Booker gets to look good over an athletic opponent and Awesome loses (again) to someone he shouldn’t be beating anyway. This was a good debut as champion for Booker, made much better due to the lack of interference. I could have done without the chair and table, but you have to expect that anymore in WCW. It’s really just part of the standard package these days.
Post match Steiner runs in to attack Booker but Awesome makes the save.
Here’s the Cat to yell about Steiner going on a rampage tonight and calls him out face to face. Steiner wants a title shot and swears a lot until Cat hits him. Scott fights back until Booker comes in for the save. This brings in Kanyon to attack Booker, which really doesn’t make a lot of sense. Jarrett comes in and goes after both of them until Booker fights them off. Cat makes a three way for the #1 contendership later tonight. We’re not done though as Goldberg comes out and wants to make it a fourway, which is quickly approved.
And now, a package on Ralphus/Norman Smiley vs. Big Vito. This really deserved time?
Norman has Ralphus in training, which has potential to be funny but I’d rather see Norman in a regular match.
Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus
Son of a Russo. Vito, defending here, goes after Norman to start as Ralphus stays in the ring. The other two fight into the back with Norman getting the better of it and blasting the champ with a fire extinguisher. They get back into the arena with Ralphus hiding behind a table in the ring. Vito pounds away and puts a traffic cone between Ralphus’ legs for a crutch shot. A top rope splash puts Ralphus through the table but Norman hits Vito in the back…..knocking him onto Ralphus for the pin to retain while Smiley dances.
Rating: F. So now he’s not just losing, but he’s losing because he can’t pay attention to something as simple as where his fat partner in a red shirt is laying. This division is dead but I’ve ranted enough about it already. Vito isn’t going anywhere but at least he’s not in his 50s or 60s.
The Cat beats up the Jung Dragons again because this is still a thing.
Paisley needs to get Artist’s shirt ready and asks a guy in the back if he can clean it. The guy, named Kiwi, is in neon pink and covers every stereotype of a gay model you can imagine. Paisley instantly swoons.
Lenny Lane is in the crowd with a sign that says USE ME.
Lance Storm vs. The Artist
Before the match, the fans chant USA at Storm. Lance responds by saying he’s not here for sports entertainment because he’s a wrestler from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. As you might expect, this is his heel turn promo. We get O Canada (full version) as the announcers bicker over whether we should give Storm silence. Paisley joins commentary as Storm hammers away to start.
A dropkick gets two for Lance as Paisley talks about Kiwi being a potential “purple passion fruit” in the future and calls Storm a Power Ranger reject. Artist gets two off a superkick but the middle rope DDT is countered with a northern lights suplex. Storm’s sitout powerbomb gets two and a springboard missile dropkick gets the same. Artist’s Angle Slam gets two more but the half crab makes him tap.
Rating: C+. Well there’s your surprise of the night. This was actually really entertaining with Paisley making me chuckle on commentary. Storm was on a roll at this point and I’m not sure why they turned him heel here when his style is far better suited as a good guy. Then again he’s foreign and I’m sure that screams bad in Russo’s thinking.
Vampiro is here and my eyes roll.
Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Corporal Cajun/General Rection
Kronik is defending and Juventud Guerrera/Rey Mysterio are on commentary. Adams and Rection start things off with Brian hitting a quick full nelson slam (don’t bother trying to fight out of the hold or anything). Off to Cajun who is launched off a cover so it’s back to Rection. Cue Jindrak and O’Haire to brawl with Juvy and Rey as Rection misses a top rope elbow. It’s off to Clark to clean house as everything breaks down.
A spinwheel kick to Clark sets up No Laughing Matter but Adams makes the save. Things settle down again until High Time plants Cajun with Rection having to make a save. Kronik completely botches the powerbomb/top rope clothesline to Cajun (Adams fell backwards and Clark came off the top too fast, leaving him to collide with Cajun in the air) but it’s enough to retain anyway.
Rating: D+. So Kronik is big, strong, and 58% more likely to cause severe head trauma to people from the Louisiana Bayou. I like the fact that we had the #1 contender match last week and they actually gave us the match here, but the Misfits really weren’t the best option. The division is getting more traffic, though that doesn’t mean the quality is going up at the same time.
Post match Perfect Event runs in to lay out Kronik.
Here’s Vampiro with a coffin and something to say. He’s been through everything and will survive in the darkness where everyone here fails. The Demon pops out of the coffin and gets in Vampiro’s face. Vampiro goes on about Asya not understanding the difference between good and evil so he wants Demon to beat her down. The lights get even weaker and Sting’s music comes on. Cue a guy we can’t see with a ski mask on, nearly guaranteeing that it’s not really Sting.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Positively Kanyon vs. Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg
Winner gets the title shot vs. Booker at New Blood Rising. One fall to a finish here and Kanyon starts with Steiner. Scott drops to the floor to yell at some fans before kneeing Kanyon in the face. The bicep elbow gets no cover so Steiner hits him with a chair. Goldberg breaks up the Recliner, allowing Kanyon to get two off a sitout Alabama Slam.
Jeff tags Kanyon but Scott suplexes Kanyon down anyway. There’s a Kanyon Cutter to Jarrett but Goldberg tagged himself in and speared Kanyon in half (to one of the pops of the night). Steiner makes a save to set up the staredown with Goldberg, only to have Jeff cover Kanyon for the pin.
Rating: D. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but it started the build to Goldberg vs. Steiner. Kanyon was just there as a fall guy to set up Jarrett’s rematch which is a rare good idea from this company. Jarrett is a good option to give Booker another title defense on the big stage, though the promos are going to be a chore to sit through.
Overall Rating: C. Again, the less Russo on a show, the better they’re doing. There was no mention of Hogan’s name tonight and the whole thing last night seems to be a big waste. The ratings were indeed up by .3 over last week, good for about half of the increase Raw had. The wrestling was much better this week as some of the matches got more time but it still wasn’t anything I’m going to remember in about ten minutes, which is yet another major problem for this company right now.
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Thunder Date: July 5, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Attendance: 3,088
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone
It’s the go home show for Bash at the Beach, meaning my moderate smile about WCW is about to go away. We’re still in the “Can Jeff Jarrett build a whole main event by himself, even though it’s a boring match in the first place?” phase which amazingly enough isn’t working because Jeff Jarrett is one of the least interesting World Champions WCW has had in the last three months. Of the five guys to hold the title since early April, he’s like the fourth most interesting at best. Let’s get to it.
Standard Nitro recap to open things up. Enjoy this while it lasts.
Jarrett yells at the Cat about ratings and they keep insulting each other. Cat’s decision is to put Jarrett on the show tonight. Why in the world is Jeff Jarrett vs. the Cat the main feud on this show?
Here’s Jarrett to say THE EXACT SAME THINGS HE ALWAYS SAYS before talking about how he was told there was no time for him on the show this week. Tonight he’s going to retire Hulk Hogan but here’s Cat to interrupt. Cat is tired of hearing Jarrett go on and on (the Cat speaks for the people) so tonight he’s putting him in the ring. Then he’s going to put on a karate demonstration. Back to Jarrett, Cat is going to make Booker T./Buff Bagwell vs. Kanyon/Shane Douglas with the person getting the fall earning a title shot tonight. I’ve heard worse ideas, even though this isn’t very good.
Stasiak and Palumbo got into tanning beds earlier today and Woody turned them all the way up. What is up with this Woody guy? Is there no one else on the roster that could have used this to get somewhere? Maybe set up a challenger for the Tag Team Titles? No instead let’s go with a production guy who isn’t going to have a match. The bits are entertaining but this isn’t getting anyone anywhere.
Jarrett still wants Hogan. As he rants, Kanyon lays out a production guy with a Kanyon Cutter.
Rey Mysterio vs. Kidman vs. Lance Storm vs. Disco Inferno
One fall to a finish. Since this is WCW, the Animals’ name plate says Tygress is accompanying them but they come out alone. Storm gets jumped during his entrance as we’re waiting on Kidman to show up. Kidman finally hits the ring for the save and starts with Storm for a nice pinfall reversal sequence which is probably going to be the best thing on the show.
Mysterio elbows Kidman from behind though and Disco comes in to bring the quality down. Storm blocks a Bronco Buster with a raised boot, only to have Disco come in and try to steal a pin. Rey is fine with beating up his normal partner but Storm comes back in to break that up. A springboard legdrop gets two on Lance and everything breaks down. Disco piledrives Kidman for two but Storm grabs the half crab to make Disco tap.
Rating: C+. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting with all four guys (yes even Disco) moving around as much as they could in the four minutes they had. They’re probably lucky to get that given how much time this show needs to dedicate to everything else they have going on.
Buff promises he’ll go into Sunday as champion. The idea of Bagwell vs. Hogan as the main event of a pay per view makes me smile.
Buff is working on his own book called Positively Kanyon’s Greatest Moments. Chapter One: Kanyon Sucks. Chapter Two: Kanyon Still Sucks. Chapter Three: Kanyon Sucks Again. This was funnier than it should have been.
Perfect Event is let out of their tanning beds and look like they fell in buckets of red paint. Palumbo wants his mommy as Stasiak is told Woody did this.
Here’s the Cat for his karate demonstration with opponents…..the Jung Dragons. They’re Asian and therefore know martial arts you see. The Dragons jump Cat to start and take him down with a variety of kicks, setting up Jamie’s middle rope legdrop. Well that lasted longer than I was expecting. Cat bails and says this isn’t respectful enough. The Dragons are dumb enough to bow and all three get kicked in the face. Jamie’s missile dropkick slows Cat down for a bit but he kicks them all again and throws Kaz over the top by the crotch. All three Dragons are sent to the floor and Cat says that’s enough, meaning DANCE TIME!
Perfect Event goes after Woody in the production truck. Woody promises that he’ll have an army. Gee I wonder who that’s going to be.
Cat pays the Dragons and says he hasn’t had that much fun in a long time. Ok then.
Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. The Demon
Demon is challenging. Vito attacks the coffin in the back but gets jumped by Demon. Hardcore master Vito comes back by throwing Demon into a wall and bringing him out to the set for a ram into…..whatever those metal things on the set are. Vito puts a trashcan lid between Demon’s legs and stomps down on it before getting a piece of plywood. Was the table making union on strike this week?
As you might expect, Vito is thrown through the wood instead, followed by a middle rope elbow for two. This brings out Vampiro because this story is still going for some reason. Demon dropkicks a chair into Vito’s face (close enough) but Vampiro breaks a shovel over Demon’s back to give Vito the easy pin.
Rating: D. Vito’s hardcore stuff isn’t entertaining, anything Vampiro does is stupid at this point and no one ever cared about the Demon. This is the kind of stuff that could have been cut out to give the four way more time (maybe make it an elimination match) but WCW has a bad tendency to try and fit everything they can into one show. That’s rarely a good idea because most of the stuff doesn’t have the time to develop and we get stupid ideas like this.
Mike Awesome shows doctored footage that makes it look like he beat Rick Steiner on Monday. Gene calls him a mullock (trash) but Awesome hears him, scaring Gene half to death.
Shane and Kanyon argue over who is going to win tonight. Kanyon tries a Kanyon Cutter but Shane stares him down.
Here’s the Perfect Event with Stasiak slapping his partner on the back to make Palumbo cringe. They DEMAND Woody come out here right now so here he is, removing his shirt to reveal that he is in fact not a wrestler. As you might expect, Woody has some backup.
Brian Adams/Woody vs. Perfect Event
Non-title. Adams fights out of a double team to start thanks to Woody slapping Palumbo on the back. A powerbomb sends Stasiak onto Palumbo and Adams kicks Shawn in the face for good measure. Woody offers a double back slap to break up another double team, allowing Adams to full nelson slam Palumbo. A chokeslam (called High Times thanks to Woody) lets Woody pin Stasiak. Yeah a production guy just pinned a Tag Team Champion and I’m supposed to want to see Kronik fight them on Sunday.
Vito beats up Funk and leaves the arena.
Buff Bagwell/Booker T. vs. Shane Douglas/Kanyon
Whoever gets the fall gets a title shot tonight. Kanyon shoves Booker from behind and gets double teamed for his efforts. This brings up the question of whether Douglas should help his partner or not, which actually merits some discussion. Granted it’s not a discussion you’re going to get here but it could be interesting. A double suplex drops Kanyon and Booker officially starts with him. The assorted kicks keep Kanyon in trouble but Shane won’t tag in. That ends the interesting psychology discussion and goes right to stupid as you can’t get the fall if you’re not legal.
Buff comes in for a DDT but a Shane distraction (how hard can it be to distract Bagwell?) lets Kanyon get in a Russian legsweep. Shane still won’t tag in so Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker. Buff elbows him out of the corner and drops a Vader Bomb (263 according to Tony. Huh?) followed by the Blockbuster but Shane makes the save. Booker comes in without a tag and Book Ends Kanyon for the pin and the title shot. Ignore Booker’s music playing at two.
Rating: D. Shane being stupid aside, it’s cool to see them actually push someone new. Of course Horace got a title shot last week so this could mean absolutely nothing. The problem is this is the kind of thing that they needed to do two years ago because now it means nothing. The match was nothing to see because again, it didn’t have enough time after Woody’s match.
MIA is given their orders for the night.
Daffney, now with red hair, is wearing a shirt that says step child.
Mike Awesome sprays something on Rick Steiner’s glasses.
Tygress/Juventud Guerrera vs. Major Gunns/Lieutenant Loco
The guys start with Juvy grabbing a headscissors but having to stop to pull his pants up. Heenan: “Juvy looks like he’s wearing the seat cover from a ’69 Pinto.” Loco’s tilt-a-whirl backbreakers send Juvy crawling over to Tygress so it’s time for the girls. Tygress tags out as well so Gunns takes off the shirt as a distraction to kick Juvy low. The catfight is on and Gunns does one of the worst slams I’ve ever seen. Loco lays out Juvy but another catfight breaks out. In the melee, Juvy hits Loco with the belt for the pin.
Rating: F+. These women are bad. Like, they’re Eva Marie kinds of bad. It’s ridiculous to call them wrestlers because this has nothing to do with wrestling. We have two women out there because of how they look, trying to do moves to each other and failing miserably. Chavo vs. Juvy will be fine but this was another big waste of time with the women in there.
Juventud leaves with the title.
Steiner puts the glasses on and is almost blinded.
Booker says he’ll win the title.
Video on Vampiro and the Demon.
Mike Tenay is at Jim Duggan’s home for a sitdown interview. Duggan and his wife are glad that he’s ok but he’ll be back no matter what Russo does. Somehow this takes three minutes.
Crowbar jumps David Flair as Miss Hancock watches.
Jarrett insults Gene for general purposes.
Rick Steiner gets medical treatment.
We recap Crowbar/David/Hancock/Daffney.
Crowbar vs. David Flair
Impromptu match. Crowbar throws David down the aisle but gets crotched on top. A superplex drops Crowbar and it’s already time for the Figure Four. Hancock comes out to help but gets caught to force the break. Crowbar yells at the referee and gets shoved into a rollup for two as Hancock comes in, allowing the low blow from David. Cue Daffney for a tug of war so Hancock can roll backwards with her skirt coming up. Daffney goes for Hancock’s hair and they run off, leaving Crowbar to hit David with the pipe. The Mind Bender (sitout gordbuster) puts David away.
Crowbar chokes David and threatens violence until David admits that he shaved Daffney’s hair. Again: IT WAS ALL ON TAPE! David also admits to cheating on Daffney, sending her leaving in tears. This is actually a good story no matter how goofy it’s been.
After a break, Hancock is getting checked out for a leg injury. David comes in and thinks something is up so the trainer gets his head shaved.
Rick Steiner vs. Mike Awesome
Rick’s eyes seem to be fine as Awesome pounds him down. Some belly to bellys get two for Steiner and they head outside for a table. Mike sets it up in the corner and is quickly shoved through it, only to have Awesome spray the stuff in Rick’s eyes again for an easy three count. The blinding stuff earlier in the night could have been completely omitted and nothing would have changed.
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T.
Jarrett is defending. Heenan thinks winning the title might push Booker over the edge to being a big star. They trade shoulders to start until Booker clotheslines the champ to the floor. Jeff is sent into the announcers’ table but comes right back with an early sleeper back inside. A quick knee crusher and the Figure Four have Booker in trouble.
That’s way too early (and since it’s the Figure Four it’s not likely to win a big match) so Booker makes the rope and runs into a double clothesline. The ax kick sets up a spinebuster for two but here’s Kanyon with a Cutter on the floor to knock Booker silly. Jeff gets the pin but before he can even get in some good celebrating, Cat comes out to say not so fast. The champ is thrown back in and a rollup gives Booker two.
The missile dropkick gets the same with the foot going on the ropes (When Booker hooked the leg. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that.). A side kick hits the referee by mistake so there’s no one to count after the Book End. Cat is going to be referee and counts two off another kick. Jeff knocks Cat out with the guitar and walks out as another referee calls that a DQ to end the show.
Rating: C+. Good match marred by too much stuff going on at once. Cat vs. Jarrett is about as far down on the Austin vs. McMahon scale as you can get but you can see what’s going on and the promos are adequate so it’s still firmly above whatever Russo and Bischoff were doing. Booker felt right in this role for the simple reason of he’s spent years being built up. That’s something so many people don’t understand today: it’s really hard to throw someone with no resume into the main event and expect it to work. Booker has been built up for about seven years at this point and it feels right to see him moving forward.
Overall Rating: D+. They really are trying to make Hogan feel like he doesn’t matter here. It was so strange to not have Hogan, Nash or Goldberg around for an entire show as it was almost all about the young (well younger) guys for a change. That allowed for much better storytelling because you didn’t have so much focus on the old guys wanting to be champion but putting in the least amount of effort possible. It’s even more proof of what WCW could have been if they didn’t have so much chaos going on backstage to screw the whole thing up.
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Monday Nitro – July 3, 2000: It’s Coming And We Can’t Stop It
Monday Nitro #247 Date: July 3, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Charleston, West Virginia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
It’s the go home show for Bash at the Beach and I can’t imagine we’ll be seeing Hulk Hogan here tonight to set up the title match because that’s probably not in his contract. Other than that we might get Goldberg eating another contract and then finding a way to make it reappear. He’s like a magician you see. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s shows with almost every show getting a quick feature. Unfortunately this includes Vampiro but it also includes the Cat being all over the show.
Cat is on the phone and says he’s suspended Scott Steiner for a week. I believe this was the suspension over Scott not wanting to do a job on Thunder and being punished by being suspended with pay over the Fourth of July weekend. Mike Awesome comes in and isn’t happy about something.
Four ambulances are waiting outside.
Opening sequence.
Tank Abbott takes over DJ Ran’s booth (I love you Tank Abbott) and plays some 3 Count.
3 Count vs. Jung Dragons
Shane tries to cut a promo but Tank tells them to shut up and sing. Six man tag here and the Dragons start fast upon hitting the ring. Jamie accidentally splashes Kaz as Shane has hurt his arm and has to be looked at by a trainer. As he leaves, Tank comes down to take his place, making sure to stand next to Shannon on the apron. Evan punches Yang down so it’s off to Shannon, because why tag in the killer? It’s quickly back to Evan, who sends Yang into the post. Everyone tries dives but Yang gets left in the ring with Tank. Madden: “DO THE CRANE DANNY!” Tank knocks Yang out and Shannon gets the easy pin.
Rating: C. The match was barely a thing as it was almost all about establishing Tank as the semi-official fourth member of the team. Like I’ve said though, the Dragons and 3 Count would have a lot of good matches but they would never climb up the card or do anything significant against anyone else. That’s a major area where WCW failed and it was rarely more true than here.
Tank makes them dance, including the returning Helms.
Kevin Nash arrives. I have no idea why his clothes are already in his dressing room.
Cat has a proposition for the Dragons.
Goldberg arrives.
Mike Awesome powerbombs a backstage worker through a table.
Video on the Outsiders. Screw you WCW for hinting that Hall might be coming back when you knew he wasn’t. Goldberg finally comes into the truck and demands that the video gets pulled. Nash isn’t pleased.
Here’s Goldberg to a big pop with something to say. He’s sick and tired of hearing about the Outsiders because they’re some of the biggest pieces of garbage in wrestling. Goldberg has carried this company for the past two years and he’s sick of having to do it. This brings out Nash to say he doesn’t want to wait but security holds him back. Cat comes out and says go to a commercial. Madden: “WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY COMMERCIAL???”
During the break, the locker room had to hold Nash back and Awesome powerbombed a security guard. That would be the second man sent to the hospital tonight.
Cat calls Eric and says he’s going to keep them apart for the rest of the night.
Terry Funk tells Johnny the Bull that he has a real tough opponent tonight before hitting Johnny with a chair.
Terry Funk vs. Johnny the Bull
Madden: “Could the opponent be Terry Funk?” Funk knocks Bull into the arena with a chair and does the same thing in the ring. Johnny gets rammed into the announcers’ table but comes back with a chair shot of his own. They head into the crowd with Johnny piledriving Funk onto a chair.
Back to ringside with Funk bleeding a bit from the eye, only to have Bull springboard from the top to the floor into a legdrop onto the chair onto Funk’s face. Yeah believe it or not, that’s REALLY STUPID TO DO and Johnny would be out for two months with a broken tailbone. Back in and Bull small packages him for two (Madden: “The heck with that! Kill each other!”) and DDT on a chair is enough to pin Funk.
Rating: D. I’ll give the points for having Funk put over some young guys, but at the same time it seems that the young guy is stupid enough to try a springboard legdrop to the floor. This is going to derail the hardcore division but it’s not like it’s hard to set up something new for this waste of time. Bad match, but at least Funk put someone else over.
We see Dale Torborg and Asya rehearsing earlier today when an explosion went off and knocked Asya off the stage.
Torborg is going back to the hospital when a man in a robe gives him the Demon attire. It’s Vampiro of course but there’s another man behind him in a robe of his own.
Goldberg yells at Cat.
General Rection/Corporal Cajun vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire
The winners get a title shot next Monday. Jindrak, in pants instead of his trunks, gets punched down by Cajun to start before it’s off to Rection vs. O’Haire (also in pants for some reason). Rection slams him off the top and brings the Corporal back in, only to have him take a double suplex.
Cajun grabs a quick small package for no count as the General has the referee for no apparent reason. Sounds like a plot point. It’s off to Rection for a bunch of clotheslines as everything breaks down. An electric chair on the General sets up a top rope splash from Sean for two. Not that it matters as Rection slams Jindrak down and nails the No Laughing Matter for the pin.
Rating: D+. Build a team up one week, have a nothing team beat them the next week. Such is life in WCW because they have to go against what could work best for them for the sake of pushing people like Lash Leroux and Hugh Morrus. The match was good enough but that’s the stupid booking that has WCW in the shape it’s in.
Post match the Perfect Event comes in for the big beatdown with the exercise bars. The rest of the Misfits run in for the save and everyone lays down for CPR from Gunns.
Nash tells Cat to make the match.
Awesome powerbombs another backstage guy. Is there a point to this anytime soon?
Cat is on the phone with Eric again and says he has an idea.
Here’s Jeff Jarrett with something to say. After declaring himself amazing, Jeff talks about how great Hogan is. He talks about his granddaddy paying a nickel to watch Hogan back in the day and wanting to be like Hulk growing up. Now it’s 2000 and Jarrett is going to be the one to put him out this Sunday at Bash at the Beach.
Jarrett brings out fat ladies dressed as vikings to Flight of the Valkyries (Hudson: “Or Kill the Wabbit to some of you out there.”). They praise Jarrett a bit and then sing some of the Goodbye song to keep this going. A guy from standards and practices comes out, only to eat a guitar shot. WAY too long for the point here, aside from it not being funny.
Cat comes out to announce a battle royal with Goldberg and Nash included. If they can survive, they can fight each other. “Or make whoopee, I don’t care.”
The third ambulance leaves.
Jarrett and Cat yell at each other a lot.
Shane Douglas vs. Booker T.
Kanyon jumps Booker in the aisle and now we’re ready to go. Shane starts fast with some quick neck snaps and they head outside where Kanyon does the Diamond Cutter sign. Back in and Booker gets in a running forearm for his first offense. A Kanyon distraction fails and gives Booker a rollup for two, followed by the Book End (not yet named) for the pin.
Rating: D. Short and not good enough to go anywhere but at least Booker is on a winning streak. Shane is fine in this role and Kanyon continues to be funny, but they need more than three minutes to actually make this work. Booker vs. Kanyon should be fun on Sunday, though does anyone remember why they’re fighting in the first place?
Kanyon lays out Booker post match until Page’s music plays. Tony freaks out and then realizes Kanyon has just stolen the song.
The Demon is back.
Cat puts a bunch of people in the battle royal and says their jobs are to hold Goldberg and Nash apart. Bonuses are promised.
We recap Vampiro vs. Torborg/Demon.
The Demon vs. Vampiro
Vampiro’s entrance is interrupted by the Road Report. These editing errors wouldn’t pass on a low level indy company. Vampiro kicks him down to start as the fans want Sting. In a stupid moment, Vampiro sends him into the ropes and ducks, looking at Demon the entire time as Demon kicks him in the face. Demon fights back and we’ve got an army of guys in hoods and Sting masks. They all point bats at Vampiro and the distraction lets Demon grab the Love Gun (cobra clutch slam) for the pin.
Post match the hooded guys surround Vampiro but the lights go out and Vampiro is gone. Did you expect anything less?
Smooth talks to the Filthy Animals.
Cat gives the same speech to the Misfits and some other guys. Johnny the Bull is here despite being sent to the hospital earlier. God bless pre tapes.
David tries to talk Daffney, who now has short, blue hair, out of fighting Hancock. Over his shoulder, Hancock is shown going to the ring in a wedding gown (which stops about a foot above her knees) and David can’t help but look. David opts to sing to Daffney instead.
In the ring, Hancock says she can’t decide what to wear under the wedding gown on Sunday. Maybe she’ll just wear nothing. Since she’ll be winning Sunday, she’ll just give us what we want now. Crowbar comes in to stop the dancing and we cut to David in the back. He claims a stomach ache and runs to the ring as Crowbar has Hancock in a chair. Crowbar pulls out clippers to take Hancock’s hair off. Madden: “SHAVE HER! SHAVE HER!”
David comes out for the save but Daffney catches him and hits David low. Of course she has a bottle of Pepto-Bismol too. A lame catfight starts and Hancock distracts Crowbar until David hits him with a chair. Daffney gets her cut off and David puts the clippers in Crowbar’s hands for Daffney to find. As usual, video doesn’t exist in the wrestling world.
During the break, Crowbar chased after Daffney but got laid out by Awesome and thrown in an ambulance.
Smooth brings Tygress in to see Cat. A proposition is made but Cat wants to keep his shoes on.
Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera vs. Lance Storm/Kidman
Before the match, Disco brings out Juvy and Rey dressed as Storm and Kidman for a special interview. They make the expected jokes until the real Storm and Kidman come out for the brawl to start the match. Kidman powerbombs Juvy to start and it’s off to Storm for a gorilla press. Rey makes the save with a dropkick and kicks Storm low. Lance comes right back with a suplex and makes the tag off to Kidman for some house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Storm powerbombs Rey, only to have Juvy faceplant Kidman on a chair for the pin.
Rating: C-. I’d love to see these guys get a regular tag match instead of having to fly through everything in four minutes because we need to see Mike Awesome powerbomb someone else or whatever STUPID Vampiro and Demon stuff is going on. As usual, WCW has too much going on to keep track of the entertaining stuff.
Cat is getting his clothes back on and missed what just happened.
Vampiro is all annoyed and wants Demon in a Graveyard Match, whatever that is.
Nash says Sunday is about Scott Hall but tonight is about Kevin. He’s ready for Goldberg.
We recap Awesome’s rampage.
Awesome comes to the ring and yells about not being a mullet in the same tone that Owen would say he wasn’t a nugget. Fans: “MULLET!” He wants Scott Steiner right now and demands a bell ring. A referee comes out to count to ten but Rick Steiner runs in and takes Mike out, promising that Scott will do the same on Sunday.
Cat gives the people in the battle royal a pep talk.
Battle Royal
Nash comes out and we cut to the back again where Cat tells the Misfits and Booker to stay out of this. Juvy and Rey come out first and this is looking like a gauntlet match. Nash eliminates both of them with ease and Konnan gets the same. Disco’s sleeper doesn’t work so here comes the Perfect Event to finally slow Nash down a bit.
Nash fights them off but doesn’t throw them out as Big Vito comes in with the stick. Now it’s Kanyon to make it 5-1 as the Misfits are still being held back. Booker shoves him away and the good guys come out, followed by Goldberg. House is cleaned in a hurry and Goldberg superkicks Nash. The Misfits grab Goldberg’s boot though, allowing Nash to kick him in the face for the elimination and the win.
Rating: F. It’s another segment called a match where Nash AGAIN gets to run roughshod over half the roster because why else would you bring him out there? They’ve done a good job of building up Nash vs. Goldberg, but this has to lead to them having a match and that’s where the whole thing is going to fall apart.
Security holds them back to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Again one of the best shows in a long time, fat viking women aside. There are coherent stories here and that means more for WCW than anything else. Their key at the moment is attracting new viewers and the Russo shows weren’t doing it. You should be able to tell what’s going on within thirty seconds of turning on the show. The Russo shows needed about a month to make sense (assuming he hadn’t changed the story a dozen times in the first hour) whereas these are simple stories that you can figure out quick. Unfortunately that doesn’t make the stories good, but it’s a step up.
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Thunder Date: June 28, 2000
Location: Pershing Arena, Lincoln, Nebraska
Attendance: 3,439
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
We’re in such a weird place with WCW at the moment as they’re not very good at the moment but it’s SO much better than the Russo and Bischoff era. Russo and Bischoff seem to have destructed inside of the first two and a half months with Russo going home and Bischoff disappearing. This has given me such a good laugh as the fans somehow have more patience than they do for this nonsense. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Monday’s four way title shot. I don’t remember the last time Jeff didn’t defend the title on Nitro.
Smooth and Jarrett are in the back with Smooth thinking Cat has a conspiracy against the champ. Jarrett doesn’t worry about it because he has to deal with Hogan. You know this because the guitar now has a Hogan shirt around it. You can add Jeff Jarrett selling a World Title match on his own to the list of WCW’s really bad ideas.
Here’s Jarrett to brag about being the greatest WCW World Champion ever after beating Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash in the last week. He’s been looking for some of the fattest women he can find to sing at Bash at the Beach because Terry Bollea is done. They’re still going WAY too far for this gag but I’m sure it would play in Memphis and that’s totally like the rest of the country.
Horace comes out to stand up for his uncle but R&B Security (remember them?) breaks it up. The Cat comes out to say that Horace wants to eat Jarrett’s children (the only time Horace will ever be compared to Mike Tyson) so tonight it’s Horace vs. Jarrett for the title. For some reason Horace gets in Cat’s face, sending Cat running off screaming about ratings in a funny bit. So this company’s savior is now Horace. E pluribus gads.
The announcers recap Goldberg vs. Duggan in a discussion almost as long as the match itself.
The Misfits are given their assignments for tonight with Corporal Cajun challenging Lieutenant Loco for the Cruiserweight Title. Cajun says it’s going to be staying in the family no matter what. Loco threatens to kill Cajun for touching the belt or for calling him Chavo. Ok then.
Kanyon tells Gene that he’s going to Kanyon Cut everyone he sees tonight, sending Gene running away in fear.
Cruiserweight Title: Corporal Cajun vs. Lieutenant Loco
Cajun is challenging. They start fast with Cajun grabbing a headlock but Loco flips out and starts a very quick series of rollups, drawing a rare round of applause from the crowd. As always: fans acknowledge entertaining wrestling. The champ gets two off a quick hurricanrana and gets rolled up while he yells at the referee. Cajun comes back with a headscissors and tilt-a-whirl slam for two, followed by a powerslam for the same. Loco backdrops him to the floor but almost completely misses a dive over the top. Back in and a quick tornado DDT retains the title.
Rating: C. This was about what I was expecting from these two as they’re both good enough in the ring to have a good, short match. Chavo was getting better and better every week at this point and the Cruiserweight Title helped validate him a lot. At least it was better than it was on the Artist.
Johnny the Bull is looking for Terry Funk but gets attacked by a janitor…..who is Terry Funk. Never let your guard down Johnny.
Scott Steiner threatens the Cat with a stapler until he gets a match with Mike Awesome tonight.
3 Count vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire
Before the match, we hear about the success of their new single and there is NO truth to the rumors that they’re lip synching. Jindrak and O’Haire hit the ring to jump the band from behind (pests) and it’s Helms as the odd man out here. Jindrak gets kicked to the floor and Evan hits a huge dive.
We cut to the back to see Tank Abbott arriving, only to get ticked off that he missed the performance. Back in the arena and Jindrak gets double suplexed, only to have Evan’s Whisper in the Wind hit his partner. The hot tag brings in O’Haire, who throws Shannon over the referee for a huge crash. The Seanton Bomb pins Shannon to make them 2-0.
Rating: C-. These new guys are getting better (you know, after their seven or so minutes combined so far) and it’s cool to see them hitting the ground running. Considering I have to think rather hard about who the Tag Team Champions are right now, it might be time for some fresh teams in the division.
Post match Tank comes out with a green square (which he didn’t have when he arrived), demanding that 3 Count sing. Tank dances on his square at ringside until Kronik comes down to clean house.
Kanyon takes out the guy who brings him a sandwich. This is actually kind of funny, just like everything else Kanyon has been doing lately.
Here’s Big Vito, who challenges the Jung Dragons to a hardcore gauntlet match.
Hardcore Title: Jung Dragons vs. Big Vito
Vito is defending of course. Yang is in first and gets beaten down, only to avoid a quick splash. Some kicks and right hands in the corner have little effect on Vito as he throws Yang down with a suplex and drops the top rope elbow for the elimination. Now it’s Kaz running in for a bunch of kicks and a cross body. His victory roll out of the corner is easily countered into an electric chair though and Vito’s top rope splash gets rid of Kaz.
That leaves Jamie-San who comes in with a dropkick and low baseball slide. A quick Russian legsweep and middle rope legdrop get two on the champ. Jamie is right back up with a top rope splash for the same but Vito kicks him in the face. Some cane shots knock out the other Dragons but Jamie gets in a missile dropkick
Rating: D. Other than the cane shots, there was nothing hardcore about any of this, which completely defeats the point of the title. Jamie was AWESOME here though and is clearly the star of the team. Unfortunately he’ll probably be seen as too small and given roughly 193 other reasons why he can’t get a push. Like he’s not old enough or doesn’t have a sex joke for a name.
Jamie-San, who has suddenly grown quite a bit, celebrates until Jamie-San gets in. The guy who got the pin unmasks to reveal Johnny the Bull, which is probably leading to a Dusty Finish.
Funk is very pleased.
Awesome is told that he has to face Steiner tonight and isn’t pleased.
Daffney jumps Hancock in makeup and covers her with powder. The story makes sense but at some point they’re going to have a match and it’s all downhill from there.
Perfect Event hijacks Woody again, leaving a cameraman to take a surprise Kanyon Cutter.
Perfect Event vs. General Rection/Major Stash
Non-title. Woody has been dragged to the floor and it’s a brawl to start with the Misfits charging to the ring. Rection and Palumbo start things off with Stasiak tripping the General, setting up a nice flying tackle for two. I have a feeling that’s the extent of the good looking offense here. Both champions fire off kicks with Palumbo’s coming straight from the jungle. The PerfectPlex is countered into a suplex for two and it’s back to Palumbo who keeps control.
Now we get to the drama as Stasiak doesn’t want to tag out. You mean this team that was thrown together like three weeks ago isn’t totally solid? We hit the chinlock with a knee in Rection’s back, drawing Stash in for the save sans tag. Palumbo and Stasiak use the distraction to switch so Stasiak can do some chinlocking.
Rection can’t get all the way up as Stasiak pulls him back down. A double clothesline finally allows the hot tag to Stash, who takes Stasiak down with the cobra clutch slam (which he took forever to remember how to do). No Laughing Matter is good for the pin on Shawn because champions are worthless.
Rating: D-. Remember how I said fans recognize the talent in someone like Chavo or Leroux? The same is true here, as they understand that the only one with any form of talent in there is Rection and he’s a few inches under his ceiling here. Palumbo has a good physique and a good superkick but you can’t build a career on that. Horribly dull match.
WCW World Title: Horace Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett
Jarrett is defending in case you’re really slow. Horace charges in and hits a few clotheslines to put the champion on the floor. They head into the crowd for all of ten seconds before Jeff hits one of the worst chair shots I’ve ever seen to Horace’s leg. Back in and we hit the slow stomping as the fans get downright vicious by saying Jarrett sucks.
Outside again with Horace sending him into a few metal objects, followed by throwing him over the announcers’ table. Some right hands to the head have Jeff in trouble and there goes the referee. A low blow puts Horace down and Jeff loads a chair in the corner, only to have the champ go head first into it for two. The referee gets back up to take the chair away from Horace but Jeff……does what is called the Stroke onto the chair (Horace landed on his back) to retain.
Rating: D-. For the love of all things good and holy stop with the Horace pushes. It’s another not very good wrestler taking the spot from someone who could use a high level spot like this. As usual though, the guy getting pushed because of nepotism can’t live up to his spot and makes for some horrible matches.
Jeff guitars Horace post match.
Vampiro finds a Sting mask in a locker and freaks out. Let’s get this over with.
Here’s Vampiro in the ring to talk about putting Dale Torborg in a coffin, just like he did to Steve Borden. There go the lights and we’ve got two hooded people in the ring. Vampiro unmasks one of them and finds Asya, who spits red liquid in his face. Of course the other one is Torborg, who pounds Vampiro down with a bat. The lights go out again and the two of them disappear, only to have another hooded man above the video screen point a light at Vampiro’s face. Of everything on WCW right now, Vampiro and his WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN stuff might be the most annoying.
Lance Storm talks about making his name wrestling instead of dancing. That’s how you get noticed in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Kidman wants revenge on the Filthy Animals for jumping him a few weeks back. The two of them leave so Kanyon can sneak in and lay out the cameraman. He even leans down and does the diamond sign to the camera.
Kidman/Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera
Kidman and Mysterio go to the floor to start, leaving Juvy to roll Storm up for a quick two. The Juvy Driver is broken up and the half crab goes on until Rey comes in for a quick save. Kidman comes in for a Sky High and it’s quickly off to Rey who spins all around Kidman into a hurricanrana because that’s what heels do. It’s back to Juvy who has to escape another powerbomb by elbowing Kidman in the head.
Juvy can’t powerbomb Kidman but since the good days are gone, Kidman just backdrops out instead. Juvy is up first with a top rope clothesline, only to dive into a dropkick. Storm gets the tag for his first official action in WCW and you can feel the energy again. House is quickly cleaned and everything breaks down with Rey and Juvy having to break up pins. So much for the tagging part.
Kidman sends Juvy outside but Storm misses a dive, leaving Kidman to take What’s Up with a legdrop instead of a headbutt. The Juvy Driver gets two and it’s time for the Juvy Elbow because he’s the Rock for reasons I still don’t understand. Storm breaks it up with a springboard missile dropkick, setting up Kidman’s top rope splash for the pin on Juvy.
Rating: C+. Another good and fast paced match here as Storm has been a breath of fresh air into the midcard. Kidman turning face again was the right idea, though it would have been nice to have him get a big win instead of losing every showdown to Hogan and then dropping down to fight the Animals.
Post match Storm and Kidman fight off the Animals with ease.
Kanyon gets a match with Buff tonight.
Tygress vs. Paisley
These two have been feuding for a few weeks now and this could be quite the train wreck as neither is a wrestler. Tygress jumps her from behind and the Animals are quickly ejected. A choke minus the actual choking has Tygress in control early and a hair toss gets one. Paisley comes back with a horrible hiptoss as the announcers have to ignore a WE WANT PUPPIES chant. Paisley slams her for a pin to end this quick.
Tygress jumps Paisley from behind and celebrates. You just got pinned BY A SLAM. You have no right to celebrate a thing.
Buff Bagwell vs. Positively Kanyon
Kanyon rips up a book on the way to the ring. Doesn’t that hurt his own sales? Some early right hands have Buff in trouble but he backdrops out of a Diamond Cutter attempt. A backdrop sets up some stomps from Buff but Kanyon grabs his really crisp Russian legsweep. That’s enough for Kanyon as he takes out the referee with the Cutter, earning a DQ from a replacement referee.
Post match Bagwell beats him up and hits a DDT onto the book, only to have Kanyon hit him in the head with a brick. Well that’s quite the big jump up in aggression. Booker comes out to save us from hearing another chapter.
Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome
Non-title I assume. Steiner pounds him down to start and clotheslines Mike out to the floor. An announcer’s chair to the back of the head staggers Awesome and they fight into the crowd. Back in and Scott keeps in control with the bicep elbow. They head right back to the floor with Awesome hitting him in the ribs with a chair (a regular one this time). The top rope clothesline gets two on Steiner but he comes back with a belly to belly superplex. The Steiner Recliner goes on but here’s Cat to say that’s illegal. Cat superkicks the referee and hits Steiner with the belt. Naturally he has a referee shirt on and Awesome gets the pin.
Rating: D. Steiner did some moves, Awesome did some moves, they did the finish. Cat is starting to be on the show way too much, but at least he’s more entertaining than Russo and is willing to take a beating every now and then. The US Title needs to change hands already. Steiner is a main eventer already so let anybody else have the title so they can go somewhere.
Overall Rating: D+. This show was uneven as it had some ok wrestling and hilarious bits with Kanyon but also featured Horace Hogan getting a World Title shot and another lame main event. All that being said, it continues to be miles better than what we were sitting through just two weeks earlier. Bash at the Beach is next week though and the pay per views have been doing more damage than two months’ worth of good TV could fix.
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Great American Bash 2000 (2015 Redo): The One Where A 14 Year Old Girl Mounts Vince Russo
GreatAmericanBash 2000 Date: June 11, 2000
Location: BaltimoreArena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031 Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
The company is in a very bad place right now and it seems like it can only get worse. At this point the company is all about Russo and Bischoff plus a few older wrestlers who can beat up huge groups of young talent in a matter of seconds. The main event here is Nash vs. Jarrett for the title, even though Nash has given away the World Title twice in the last year and a half. Let’s get to it.
By the way, this arena is a home base for WCW. To give you an idea of what they’ve fallen to, this same arena held Superbrawl 1995 with a double main event of Hogan vs. Vader II and Savage/Sting vs. Avalanche/Big Bubba Rogers. That show drew 13,390 people, or just shy of double what this had. Randy Savage and Sting vs. Big Boss Man and Earthquake as the second biggest match on the card drew over 6,000 more people than one of WCW’s longest running shows. Amazingly enough a match where you light someone on fire didn’t draw well in an old NWA stronghold.
We open with a recap of Goldberg, who was presumably arrested after Thunder went off the air. Yeah WCW brought him back and then didn’t bother to advertise him for this show because TV is more important than pay per view.
The regular opening video focuses on Flair vs. Flair, Hogan vs. Kidman and Sting vs. Vampiro. The hype for the World Title match: “Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett will square off for the World Title.” And it’s wedged between the Sting/Vampiro and Hogan/Kidman promos.
Here are the Misfits in Action for roll call. Lieutenant Loco’s mission is to defend the Cruiserweight Title so he pulls out a grenade. Rection yells at him for playing with toys so Loco just threatens to kill the Filthy Animals if they interfere.
Cruiserweight Title: Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno
Loco starts fast with a cross body as Madden calls the Animals WCW’s resident degenerates. Disco comes back with a knee to the ribs and makes sure to mock the Misfits. That’s fine with Loco who headscissors Disco to the floor for a beatdown because the Misfits are a bunch of cheaters. Loco gets knocked to the floor and takes a beating from the Animals until the Misfits run over for the save. The Animals didn’t save Disco earlier, likely because they didn’t like him very much.
Cue Rection’s dad to hit on Tygress but Rey shoves him down, seemingly into a coma. Juvy sneaks in during the melee but misses the People’s Elbow. The distraction works though as Disco scores with the Last Dance, only to have Corporal Cajun come in with a Russian legsweep neckbreaker to give Loco the pin to retain. The referee had no issue with Cajun putting Loco on top for the pin.
Rating: D. That ending took away anything good the match had built up, which wasn’t much in the first place. There’s too much going on here for me, including the ridiculous Papa/Pops Rection (of course that’s the joke Russo is going for) stuff. The match didn’t get any time and the ending made my head hurt, making this a bad start for a show I wasn’t happy with coming in.
Post match Gunns has to give Pops mouth to mouth. In an amusing bit, he sees who is waking him up and passes out again.
Cops guarantee Bischoff that he’s safe.
The Mamalukes are ready for Kronik and argue over who is the Hardcore Champion.
If you order this show, you can get a Hulk Hogan RAFT. Yes as in an inflatable raft that you can use to float in the water. WHY DO I NOT HAVE ONE OF THOSE???
Kronik vs. Mamalukes
Winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Kronik clears the ring to start and the Mamalukes make sure to polish the Hardcore Title. Clark and Johnny start as Vito is wearing the title on the apron. A release Rock Bottom (called a uranage suplex by Hudson, which might be accurate) plants Johnny and it’s off to Vito for a double ax handle to Clark’s shoulders.
That’s about it for Vito, who is likely tired from wrestling with a metal title belt on, so it’s back to Johnny who takes a full nelson slam from Adams. A LOUD Vito Sucks chant starts up as he breaks up a cover. Either that was piped in or the fans really don’t want this match to keep going. I could believe either actually. It’s back to Vito for a running clothesline in the corner but he misses a charge to let Adams take over again.
The belt is finally ripped off and Clark throws it to the floor. Hudson calls that disrespectful but that’s probably the best treatment the thing has gotten in months. A big F5 plants Vito but he gets up at two and kicks Adams in the face. Johnny comes back in with a good looking powerslam on Clark as Vito goes over to check on the belt. Clark avoids a top rope cross body and the High Times puts Johnny away while Vito polishes the title.
Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world here but my goodness did they really need to have the Hardcore Champions lose here? You can’t switch that back later or have another heel team in there instead? Also: it had a clean finish! Extra clean if you count Vito polishing the belt!
DDP says he has special motivation against Mike Awesome and he hopes Kimberly sticks her nose in this one.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome
Ambulance match. Page wheels Kanyon out and yeah I’m sure you know what’s coming here. They slug it out to start and the referee gets decked fifteen seconds in. Both guys grab chairs and it’s time for a duel. Tony: “Like a samurai warrior!” First of all, wouldn’t it be two samurai warriors? And not in a wrestling ring? And in Japan? Awesome comes back with a clothesline and a splash as the referee is awake.
Tony thinks Awesome is going for a table. He might have been tipped off by Awesome pointing under the ring and shouting TABLE. Tony is getting better as you would have expected him to think shouting TABLE would mean it was time for two ladders and a Bastion Booger cameo. A powerbomb through the table means the EMTs come out to put Page on a stretcher and take him to the ambulance. Are the wrestlers now lazy enough that they won’t carry someone to the entrance?
Page gets up so Mike hits back to back Awesome Splashes but misses a third because two Awesome Splashes wake people up. That’s a wrestling thing in general so I can’t complain too much. Cue Kimberly with a pipe (yet another phallic weapon) to hit Page in the back. Tony: “She broke his back!” Miss Hancock comes out to take Kimberly to the back, leaving Page to hit Awesome low and Diamond Cut him off the top. That’s quite impressive for someone with a broken back.
They head to the stage with Awesome on the stretcher so here’s Bischoff to threaten Kanyon with a chair. Page makes the save and Kanyon gets out of the wheelchair to Kanyon Cut Page off the stage. He’s New Blood and puts Page on the stretcher as Bischoff’s music starts playing again. Awesome wins and they’re nice enough to play his music instead.
Rating: D. IT’S JUST SO SHOCKING! I mean, when Kimberly turned on Page at Spring Stampede, it was surprising. When Arquette turned on him at Slamboree, it was jarring. But this, the third straight pay per view where someone Page loves turns him on in a swerve that NO ONE, CERTAINLY NOT ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION AT LEAST, saw coming, it was just so shocking. Bad match of course, but that’s acceptable when something is shocking. Did I mention this was shocking? I know it’s three sentences in a row with that same idea, but if it works for turning on Page it can work for this too.
Now we get to my favorite part of a Russo show: the announcers trying to figure out what just happened. So here we have two options:
1. Bischoff talked to Kanyon in the hospital and convinced him to turn on Page, likely due to Page being a bigger star and getting Kanyon to believe that he deserved the spotlight.
2. Kanyon never was hurt and was convinced to be THROWN OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE for a big swerve because just hitting Page with a chair was too complicated.
The first one is much more logical, but I have a strong hunch that we’re going to get the second one instead because it’s a bigger swerve. Shocking you see. Always shocking.
GI Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak
Boot Camp match, which means last man standing, based on a single match on Thunder from a few weeks back. Booker repels in from the ceiling and Stasiak has camouflage paint on his face. There’s some loud screeching noise as he talks about being the perfect soldier of fortune. It sounds like a crow getting its feathers pulled out and I have no idea where it’s coming from.
They brawl in the ring and quickly head outside with Booker in control. Back in and a top rope ax handle (I think? Booker only grazed him on the side of the head.) gets five. Shawn comes back with a hot shot and a back elbow to the jaw for eight (that’s a lot so early on). A trip to the floor makes it even worse for Booker and Shawn takes him back inside for a top rope clothesline for nine.
They head into the crowd with Shawn in full control and hitting Booker in the back for our first weapon shot nine minutes into this thing. We hit a sleeper on Booker as the fans think this is very boring. The hold may be boring, but at least it gives Tony a chance to screw up his timeline by saying Stasiak and Palumbo won the titles within the last week.
Booker fights up with an Angle Slam and a Rock Bottom but here’s Palumbo with the workout bar. An ax kick puts him down but Stasiak gets in a shot with the bar. Booker clotheslines both of them down and hits Palumbo in the face with the exercise bar, which of course doesn’t even knock him out for half a second. Another shot to Shawn’s face is good for the ten count to give Booker the win.
Rating: D-. Gah they were so close to just a boring match here when they had the Tag Team Champions get beaten down by one guy. This really should have been a regular match and is a good example of a match that was hurt by the gimmick. As a regular match it would have been more acceptable (not good mind you), but as a last man standing match it’s horrible. For the life of me I don’t get the appeal of Stasiak. The guy is passable in the ring and that’s the extent of his appeal. It’s no surprise to me that he was retired by 2002 because there just wasn’t much upside to him.
A minor trivia note: clips from the previous two matches and from a recent Thunder were used in a game on an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway.
Kanyon says Bischoff came to the hospital and told him that all he had to do to be a star was put Page out. We see Page getting out of the ambulance before it left the arena. However, since we’re in Russo land, they wedge another angle into this with Goldberg’s monster truck being seen in the parking lot. Kanyon is positive that Page is gone. In fact he’s positively Kanyon.
Let’s go back to that truck arriving. I understand the idea of wanting to make things seem realistic and that worked here: Page is in the parking lot and the camera happens to see the Goldberg truck in the same parking lot. However, again it feels like there’s too much going on at any given time. This was something else forced into the show that doesn’t need to be here, or at least not at this exact time. Let the Page shot be its own thing so it looks like something we should care about.
Shane Douglas vs. The Wall
Before the match, Shane has something to say. Well at least it keeps us from seeing him wrestle. He promises to define his career at the Wall’s expense while the New Blood is getting rid of Hulk Hogan and “Dick Flair.” Hudson: “It’s Ric Flair.” Shane wants to make it a best of five tables matches (I think so at least. He starts by saying best of five table matches (as in five table matches) then goes to saying five tables will be broken, which would make it best of nine and then switches to best out of five). Tony says it’s the first to go through five tables is the loser but then calls that person the survivor. I’m lost but Wall agrees.
So I think it’s the first to put your opponent through three tables because you have to go by what they mean and not what they say. There are tables around the ring to save some time. Wall gorilla presses him down and shoves Shane away off a swinging neckbreaker attempt. Hudson says it’s best of nine again and my head keeps hurting. Shane comes back with a running knee to the face and a clothesline to put Wall on the floor.
A few rams into the barricade don’t do much to Wall so he chokeslams Shane through the first table. Shane goes through the second a few moments later and now we’re told it’s first to three. It astounds me that they didn’t WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN IN ADVANCE but that might not be totally realistic, which is what you’re shooting for in a match built around putting people through tables. A low blow has little effect on Wall. Hudson: “That’s what we call no selling.” Actually that’s what we call it Scott. You’re supposed to be smarter than that. It’s why you have a job.
They head up to the entrance where there just happens to be a ladder with three tables stacked on top of each other next to it. Both guys climb the ladder and Shane nails him with brass knuckles, causing Wall to jump through two and a half of the three tables but we’ll count it as three anyway.
Rating: F. The match ran just over eight minutes and they didn’t know the rules for the first five or six. I….yeah move on to the next match. It makes the show move faster and means I don’t have to think about the fact that not only can WCW not book a show properly, but they also can’t count.
Hogan arrives an hour and fifteen minutes into the show. Unless I missed it, he left a nice Dodge Charger in the middle of the parking lot and didn’t take the keys with him. Does anyone in this family know how to take care of cars?
US Title: Tank Abbott vs. Scott Steiner
Scott is defending and this is inside the mini Asylum cage. The bell rings without the cage being lowered so Penzer says that since the Asylum is Scott’s signature match, let’s make it a handicap match with Rick Steiner on Tank’s side.
US Title: Tank Abbott/Rick Steiner vs. Scott Steiner
The fans chant for Goldberg and the cage is finally lowered. Not all the way to the mat or anything of course, but who doesn’t want the cage to move around the ring during a match? The Freaks get on the apron to cheer for Scott and Tank accidentally hits Rick with a chain. Rick might have shoved Rick out of the way to take the bullet but we need to get on to Scott hitting Tank with the chain and putting on the Recliner to retain.
Rating: F. The cage match itself lasted maybe a minute and a half and had a highlight of Shakira and Midajah in some rather fetching outfits. Rick and Tank look like even bigger losers than they have in the past, there’s no recap of why these guys are fighting (I think they brawled a few weeks ago on Nitro? Maybe?) and the Asylum is stupid. Next please.
Ric Flair and company arrives, an hour and twenty minutes into the show. He looks like Doc Brown Goes Hawaiian.
We recap Hogan vs. Kidman with Horace as referee. Hogan thought Kidman couldn’t headline a flea market (first mentioned on TV about six weeks into the feud) so Kidman got some unofficial pins on him, only to lose on pay per view. Tonight it’s Hogan’s career vs. a title shot next month.
Regarding Horace, Hollywood says blood is thicker than New Blood.
Kidman vs. Hollywood Hogan
Kidman’s on again/off again partner and Hollywood’s nephew Horace Hogan is guest referee. They circle each other before the bell because this has to be dragged out as long as they can. Some right hands sends Kidman outside early, followed by a big boot to put him outside again. Back in again and Hulk does his horribly outdated choking. Kidman gets in a few kicks and that’s enough selling for now, meaning it’s weightlifting belt time.
They’re outside for the third time in five minutes and Kidman dropkicks a chair into his face to get his first advantage. How nice of Hogan to let him do that. Kidman tries a DDT but the camera clearly shows that Hogan’s head never comes near colliding with anything. A top rope splash gets two for Kidman but it’s time for more right hands to get Hogan back in control.
Outside again with a hiptoss putting Kidman through the table (did dust fly off the table when he hit it?), revealing Tony’s blue jacket, green pants and tennis shoes. Egads man. Anyway here’s Torrie to hand Hogan brass knuckles but Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie, knocking her off the apron. Kidman hits Hulk with the knuckles for two and punches out Horace for counting slowly, only to have Torrie hit Kidman low. Another punch from Hulk with the knuckles puts Kidman away and sends Hogan to Bash at the Beach.
Rating: D-. How gracious Hogan was to let Kidman beat him up for all of a minute and a half. It’s another wasted match with Hogan going over by cheating and a guest referee who didn’t change a thing. I actually forgot that Horace was even in this for the most part, again proving that the gimmick didn’t add anything.
Hulk and Horace hug. Uh….yay?
Bischoff is panicking because Goldberg might show up. The cops ensure him that perimeter is secure.
Quick recap of Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair though they lie and say it’s David fighting his father. Basically Ric is the worst father ever and David called him out on it. Then Russo beat Flair inside the Cell because he’s a man and Ric is a boy.
David and Russo say Ric is retired tonight.
Ric promises to do the same things he’s promised to do for twenty years.
The Flair Family comes to their seats.
Ric Flair vs. David Flair
Ric takes his son into the corner and taps him on the jaw as the announcers talk about Russo being able to do things that no one has ever been able to accomplish. They head outside with Ric being sent into the barricade to give David control. A sleeper breaks up David’s suplex and it’s time for the chops. David clotheslines him to the floor and Russo gets in some ball bat shots before he handcuffs Ric’s hands together. We hit a bad Figure Four until Ric makes the ropes.
Russo chokes Ric so Reid jumps the barricade (WAY too common recently) and gets shoved down. Reid hits him low and steals the handcuff keys but David shoves him into the corner. Ric gets the keys and uncuffs himself, leaving Ashley (Charlotte, who looks almost the same as she does now at 14 years old here) to take Russo down and cuff him, likely fulfilling ANOTHER sick Russo fantasy that I really don’t need to think about.
Russo swears at the 14 year old (after shoving the 12 year old) and Ric thrusts his hips at him. A slam brings David off the top and the Figure Four makes David tap in two seconds, thereby proving the Russo is in fact more than 35 times tougher than David as he survived seventy seconds without tapping on Monday.
Rating: D. To quote the Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP??? This was every Russo problem rolled into one as there was WAY too much going on, but above all else it felt like some sick idea that only Russo wanted to see. “Here’s what I’m seeing: I beat up the 12 year old who looks just like the kids that beat me up every day, then the 14 year old blonde mounts me like none of them ever would back in high school because I liked this stupid wrestling stuff that I have to write now because I’m cursed to be made a millionaire.”
Russo has already had a woman kidnapped a dozen times or so and now he’s got this. How is any of this stuff supposed to make anyone but Russo look good? David gets beaten up but Russo already got to be all manly in the Figure Four Monday night when he beat Ric. I’m shocked that he doesn’t have Miss Hancock bowing down and worshiping him already, but then he might have to write even more columns and books about how hard this was on him and how it broke his life or whatever “FEEL SORRY FOR ME AND MY MANLINESS” nonsense Russo still gets people to pay for.
Russo lets Ric chop him once before swearing revenge tomorrow on Nitro. So yeah: this meant nothing, Russo is still fine, and the battle will continue with Russo coming back stronger than ever. Ric, Reid and Beth do crotch chops at Russo, who swears to retire Ric tomorrow night. He’s going to beat Flair again tomorrow isn’t he?
We recap Vampiro vs. Sting which is about Vampiro wanting to burn Sting alive because it was interesting when Kane wanted to do it to Undertaker and let’s just do it again here.
Sting vs. Vampiro
There’s a torch hanging by the entrance and you have to get your opponent up there and light them on fire to win. There are firemen, cops and an ambulance waiting in the back. We can add “keeping civil servants busy” to Russo’s amazing list of accomplishments from this show alone. Sting appears on top of the video screen and tells Vampiro to come up here. Vampiro is scared of heights though because Russo writes characters with depth you see.
Never mind as Sting comes down and we start an actual match. Well as close to an actual match as this is going to get. Madden quotes 8mm by saying “You dance with the devil, the devil don’t change. The devil changes you.” but treats it like his own line. Vampiro pours gasoline over Sting and they fight up the ramp. Both guys climb the structure but Sting gets kicked off and through part of the set.
It isn’t enough to keep him down though and they climb to the top of the structure above the video screen where the torch is hanging. The lights start going nuts and they slug it out for a good while. Vampiro DDTs him down and the lights go completely out. Vampiro finally gets the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting is so scared that he’s lost a few inches of hair and has learned how to take a stuntman fall off a high video tower.
Rating: N/A. As Scott Hudson would say after the match, this isn’t wrestling anymore. This is about doing a big stunt like we’re in a Michael Bay movie. On top of that, a long stretch of this “match” was spent punching each other on top of a big video screen. How is anything supposed to follow this? Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash? That’s supposed to interest me after this big ending?
Firemen and agent cover the stuntman with fire extinguishers so you can’t see that it’s not him.
The announcers treat this all seriously (as they should) but then the replays ruin the whole thing by showing that the fire was out before Sting hit the crash pad.
Pamela Paulshock asks Bischoff about the big surprise but Bischoff says it’s not happening because of Goldberg.
WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash
Nash won his shot in a tag match after giving the title to Flair, who had been trading it back and forth with Jeff in an attempt to build a years long legacy in five weeks. After Nash comes out, here’s the Cat to introduce the celebrities, including the bale (yes bale) ringer Konnan, timekeeper Rey Mysterio, belt keeper Disco Inferno and ring announcer Juventud Guererra. Oh and Cat himself is guest enforcer referee. Well to be fair, Nash has beaten like ten people at once multiple times now so this is probably in his favor.
Nash punches the Animals down before going after Jarrett in the corner. In a weird moment, some noise from the entrance stops the match cold and everyone looks up that way but it winds up going nowhere and Nash clotheslines Jeff to the floor. Snake Eyes puts Jeff on the announcers’ table and they brawl into the crowd, which is at least a faster way to kill time than letting them do moves in the ring (I’m not sure about calling what Nash does wrestling).
The Animals beat Nash down at ringside and Jeff gets in a few chair shots. The fans chant for Goldberg as the old school leg work continues. Imagine any old Ric Flair match, slow it down by 40%, and cut off some of Ric’s hair if you want to picture what’s going on here. The Figure Four lets Nash lay around even more until he grabs the ropes. Konnan adds a bell shot for two and Disco throws in the belt, only to have Nash intercept it and knock Jeff cold.
Disco makes up for it by taking out the referee at two and the GOLDBERG chants are getting even louder. Cat comes in and Nash fights off the Animals again, only to eat the Stroke for a delayed two. Jeff tries the guitar but gets chokeslammed for two as Cat has something in his eye.
There’s a powerbomb to Cat and a second to Nash but Rick Steiner comes in to go after Nash. This brings out Tank Abbott to brawl with Scott Steiner who was there to intercept Rick. Juvy gets launched into a dropkick on Nash, followed by a Bronco Buster from Rey. We FINALLY get Goldberg and yeah of course he’s New Blood. Why is he New Blood? SHOCKING! The spear (and a horrible one) lets Jeff retain.
Rating: F. Disco and Chavo, who could have a good match if they were left alone, get about five minutes and this gets over seventeen. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels had to be at their best to get seventeen good minutes out of Kevin Nash and we’re stuck with a middle of the road Jeff Jarrett to try instead?
The overbooking might have been a good idea here but the whole “let’s throw away the one last glimmer of hope we have” In case you’re wondering how this great move helped ratings, the Nitro before this got a 2.8, the next night got a 3.0 (Raw was at a 6.8) and the next week Nitro was a 2.7. Shock value continues to not work in the ratings but Russo will keep swearing by it because people talk about it. Talking doesn’t equal watching of course but Russo doesn’t equal wrestling so it all evens out somehow.
Russo and Bischoff come out of the monster truck and the heels all pose. To sum up WCW’s brilliance and how predictable Russo was at this point, Madden talks about how no one saw this coming as the camera is on a GOLDBERG IS NEW BLOOD sign. Oh and the fans are still chanting GOLDBERG because he’s still awesome and more interesting than anyone in the promotion because of how intense he can be. Trash fills the ring to end the show.
Overall Rating: S. For SHOCKING, which is the word of the night. We’re at the point where just calling these shows failures is nowhere near strong enough. I have no idea what the thinking is here other than trying to catch the fans off guard, but as that sign showed: people had figured Russo’s booking out a long time ago because it’s always the last thing you would expect/the dumbest idea they could go with.
We’re now on Hogan (#1 contender), Nash, Flair and Steiner as the top faces (the youngest of these would be Steiner at 37) vs. the combined forces of Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, Goldberg and Jeff Jarrett, meaning the World Champion is now, at best, the fourth biggest heel on this roster (there’s a case for Vampiro being above him too). And this is supposed to make me want to keep watching.
Russo has lost what little sanity he had left and has moved on to nothing but shock value for the sake of shock value with his booking decisions. This show was built on one idea and the fans filled the ring with trash while still chanting for the new top level heel. That’s his big takeaway from this: the fans hate him and one of his top stars was burned up like he was part of a Labor Day barbecue.
There’s nothing good on this show and I don’t remember the last time I gave so many matches a failing grade. The best match was probably Kronik vs. the Mamalukes, meaning the match where a guy turned away from a chance to become #1 contender to the Tag Team Titles so he could polish the joke title that he was given off camera on Wednesday. In two and three quarter hours, I can’t think of a single thing better than a below average #1 contenders tag team match that lasted about nine minutes.
Now the World Champion looks like a joke, Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan are WAY too old to mean anything, Ric Flair is stuck in an eternal feud with a writer who already beat him in a big gimmick match and the most popular guy on the roster was just turned heel to give the heel stable a big gun. Oh and the World Champion is a lame duck waiting for Hogan to take the title again next month.
This is the rare show that feels like it’s designed to punish the audience for watching. It felt like Russo saying “SCREW YOU PEOPLE! You think you’re smarter than me with your internet saying Russo jumped the shark? I’ll show you what you can do with your little protests. ALL SWERVES THAT YOU’LL NEVER SEE COMING!” And then the fans are stuck here, watching Russo get mounted by a 14 year old who handcuffs him so he can swear at her before promising to get revenge on Ric again (which I’m sure he will because this company is his playground). Awful show that gets worse and worse the more I think about it.
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Monday Nitro #243 Date: June 5, 2000
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden
It’s the go home show for the Great American Bash and they finally have the main event set as Kevin Nash is going to get a shot at Jeff Jarrett’s World Title. Tonight’s big match is the long awaited Goldberg vs. Tank Abbott showdown. Given that it’s a Russo run show, you never know what changes we might see so let’s get to it.
We recap Abbott vs. Goldberg in a failed attempt to make us believe that Abbott has a chance.
Here are Russo and Bischoff to open things up with Eric professing his LOVE for the crowd. If this show is as bad as I’m expecting, he needs to work on how he professes his affection for people. Bischoff brags about Luger being out with a broken face and Liz being too scared to come out of her dressing room. Wait if Luger isn’t here why did Liz show up?
Tonight Nash is running the New Blood gauntlet and if he loses, he’s out of the title match on Sunday. Also, Jarrett will defend the title against Sting. If they love Jarrett so much, why are they always putting him through this stuff? Russo whines about being forced out of New York and having nothing left to do but come down here to Atlanta. Tonight he’s going to destroy Space Mountain inside the big cage (a Cell instead of a regular cage) and give Flair the brain damage he deserves.
Bischoff promises to take the Hardcore Title from Terry Funk tonight. He’s not kidding is he? Eric rants about Goldberg messing up the plans to take out Nash last week and threatens to suspend him, only to have Goldberg himself come out. Russo says Goldberg has never dealt with a New Yorker and tells him to SPEAR THIS and does a crotch chop. So he wants…..never mind. Goldberg charges through security but the bosses escape.
After a break we look at what just happened and DJ Ran can be heard in the background. At least he’s not up in my area anymore.
Bischoff and Russo yell at the New Blood. Torrie can be seen storming off as this goes on. Good for her.
Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Chuck Palumbo/Shawn Stasiak
Rematch from Thunder where Stasiak/Palumbo took the belts via DQ. It’s a brawl to start until we get down to Palumbo charging into Clark’s elbow as the other two fight on the ramp. Shouldn’t Stasiak be destroyed by Adams in a straight fight? All four wind up in the ring and Clark plants Palumbo with a quick Meltdown. Remember when that was a big move and not just a transitional one for a guy in a tag team?
To make sure it’s clear how low that move has sunk, Adams throws Chuck (still legal I believe) to the floor to work on Stasiak, who seems to be legal by default now. Cue the Cat as Stasiak punches back on Adams but Palumbo has to come in to break up a piledriver attempt. A neckbreaker from Shawn brings Palumbo back in but Stasiak comes right back in with a high cross body.
Adams is tired of his hair being messed up and grabs a backbreaker on Shawn, setting up the tags to Clark and Palumbo. Clark cleans house but the Cat gets in the ring and threatens the referee. Palumbo and Clark fight into the crowd and Adams drops Stasiak onto the steps. With everyone on the floor, Cat grabs the referee and demands a count right now. Adams throws Stasiak in and Cat counts a very fast eight nine ten to retain the titles.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst match but you knew we were getting a screwy ending. Here’s the problem with this show: the ending here makes sense as Palumbo and Stasiak can’t hang with Kronik in a straight match so the heel boss is cheating. That’s standard operating procedure and makes sense here. However, when you have some kind of shenanigans of some sort in every match, something good like this has no impact.
Kronik goes after Cat but the champs make the save and take the beating themselves.
Kidman yells at Torrie (in a bikini with a skirt) for some reason until Major Gunns of all people makes the save, earning her some swearing.
Nash doesn’t have much to say about the gauntlet match but chuckles at being the last man in the building. “My gimmick’s alive!”
Video on Kidman vs. Hogan.
Gunns cries to the Misfits about what Kidman said to her. G.I. Bro promises to take care of things.
Goldberg chats with Nash and Steiner.
G.I. Bro vs. Kidman
So why would Russo and Bischoff grant Bro this match and what else did they have planned here? Booker is wrestling in his hat and clotheslines Kidman down to start. Some right hands in the corner have Kidman in even more trouble but Booker calls Gunns in for Shattered Dreams but here’s Kidman to hit him low instead. As usual, the referee doesn’t care about interference so Booker gets the pin off a Rock Bottom.
Both groups come in for the brawl and the Animals dominate.
Hardcore Title: Eric Bischoff vs. Terry Funk
Funk is defending and Bischoff has the Cat with him to make this a bit less painful. Cat kicks a chair into Funk’s face, allowing Bischoff to demonstrate his nunchucks. Funk comes back with a trashcan and shields himself from Bischoff’s shots over and over. The villains run away and Funk chases them to the back…..and that’s it for now I guess.
The announcers chat so here’s Miss Hancock to dance. Before she can get anywhere, here are Kimberly and Awesome (with new music). Kimberly accuses Hancock of stealing her spotlight and doing it very poorly. Apparently the stripping secretary look was out in 1993 and isn’t doing anything for Hancock today. Kimberly hits her with the clipboard and leaves, but Hancock calls Kimberly fat (likely not allowed on TV today) and tells her to get back here. They’ll fight later apparently.
As they leave, Funk wheels Bischoff back to ringside (with Awesome looking at them without stopping) but we cut to the back (segment #4 in this match) to see Russo sending in the Mamalukes. Funk loads up a Stinkface but the Mamalukes come in and lay out Funk in less than two minutes, giving Bischoff the pin and the title.
Rating: F. Why let a wrestler do this when you can have a writer do it for you? The whole idea has been throwing challenger after challenger at Funk and he somehow escapes each time. Now for some reason the big ending is Bischoff taking the title instead of the Mamalukes, who haven’t done anything in months other than be more names on a long list of New Blood members. Let them be the ones to take the title instead, because this was all about giving Bischoff the spotlight because he hasn’t gotten enough of it yet. Such is life in WCW.
The Flairs are here.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Vampiro
Steiner is defending and talks about meeting up with some woman in Atlanta earlier today. For reasons that likely connect to Russo’s view on women, the Freaks are very pleased by this story. Vampiro has the gas and blow torch with him. The champ pounds away in the corner to start and throws Vampiro around with ease. A hard clothesline sets up the bicep elbow and they head outside.
Steiner blasts him in the back with a chair and slams him through a table as this is totally one sided so far. Vampiro pops back up and sends Scott into the barricade before throwing him back inside for a top rope spinwheel kick. There’s a blow torch to the face, only to have Midajah come in off the top with a high cross body. Vampiro chases her up the ramp with the gas and torch but here’s Sting for the save. Again, NONE OF THIS IS A DQ so Steiner suplexes Vampiro again and puts on the Recliner to retain.
Rating: D. So Steiner squashes Vampiro, Vampiro can only get back in it by cheating, then a baseball bat to the ribs isn’t enough for a DQ. There was no mention of Steiner’s title defense on Sunday because I’d be surprised they remember that he actually has a match on the pay per view. This wasn’t a bad squash until it got all zany with the fire stuff.
Tank Abbott vs. Goldberg
Tank chills on the floor for a bit until Goldberg catches him with a superkick….and it’s Rick Steiner coming in with a chair. Two shots and the big right hand from Tank get two and we’ve got Nash coming through the crowd (smart) for the save. Goldberg spears Abbott and hits the Jackhammer for the pin. This was exactly what I was expecting: a segment instead of a match, even though they could have done exactly the same thing in a two minute squash.
Kimberly yells about Hancock.
WCW World Title: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett
Sting is challenging and again this is in the middle of the card. Jeff jumps him during the entrances but Sting comes right back with a hot shot. Jeff’s dropkick is blocked by a powerbomb and he has to kick away from a Deathlock. Sting takes a chair to the back and they brawl around ringside for a bit. A clothesline puts the champ back inside and we get the sunset flip with the referee kicking Jeff’s hands away spot. Back up and Sting grabs a rollup for the pin and the title out of nowhere, beating Jarrett in less than two and a half minutes.
Oh never mind as Bischoff comes out and says he changed his mind because that wasn’t a title match. Jeff tries a belt shot but Sting ducks and puts him in the Deathlock on the ramp as Hudson talks about a Dusty Finish. Sting clocks Jarrett with the guitar and goes after Bischoff. Spoiler for later: save for Jarrett being taken away in an ambulance, neither Sting nor Jarrett will be seen for the rest of the show. The World Champion just got pinned clean in less than three minutes in the middle of a show six days before he defends the title in the main event of a pay per view. By the way, here are the recent ratings for Raw and Nitro:
May 22 – Raw: 7.1, Nitro: 3.0
May 29 – Raw: 6.4, Nitro: 3.0
June 5 – Raw: 5.9, Nitro: 2.8
June 12 – Raw: 6.8, Nitro: 3.0
Yeah keep going with that burying your champion after changing the title 18 times in five months. Maybe if you work hard, Raw will only double your numbers.
Jeff is put in an ambulance.
Here are Awesome and Kimberly to deal with Hancock. Before Hancock comes out though, Awesome talks trash about Page and introduces the women. Kimberly is ready to go but Hancock insists that Kimberly sign a release for the beating she’s about to get. Kimberly signs it so Hancock flashes the Diamond Cutter sign. Cue Page, but Kimberly brings up the restraining order. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET TO A MATCH??? As I’m sure you can guess, Kimberly just signed away the restraining order and it’s time for a mixed tag.
Kimberly/Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Miss Hancock
The girls start but Kimberly poses instead of doing anything. Hancock goes after her and Kimberly calls that pathetic. Now it’s time for Hancock to dance before she rips the M off the ME on Kimberly’s top. We’re still waiting on anything to actually happen. Kimberly tries to slap Page but he gets his hand up.
They catfight for a bit until Hancock slaps Awesome and runs over to Page for an actual wrestling match. Page speeds it up with a jumping clothesline and starts a brawl. That goes nowhere so Page tries a backslide, only to take a low blow to give Awesome control. Awesome sends Page flying with a nice German suplex but Page is right back up to send him into the buckle.
That’s enough wrestling (all minute and a half of it that we actually got) so they head outside with Awesome setting up a table. Back in and Awesome lands a frog splash as Hancock looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. Mike loads up the powerbomb over the top but Hancock pulls up her skirt for a distraction, allowing Page to grab a Diamond Cutter for the pin.
Rating: F. I know it’s hard to consider something a failure when it has Hancock and Kimberly in the same match but dear goodness this was a waste of time. This might have been fine on a house show but I’m supposed to believe that Awesome is this career killer and he’s in a glorified comedy mixed tag? Total waste of time.
Pamela tells us that Hulk isn’t fighting tonight.
Horace Hogan vs. Hulk Hogan
For some reason the cage is halfway down. Before the match, Bischoff says Jeff is going to be fine and tells Horace not to bother putting up a table because Hulk isn’t going to be here. So instead here’s Hollywood Hogan because this is different I guess. Hollywood asks for the cage to be completely lowered and it’s time for a Cell match because that’s what this match needed.
Hollywood starts in on the beating and it’s already weightlifting belt time. Horace bails to the floor where the beating continues but he kicks a chair into his uncle’s face to get a breather. Some chair shots hit the post though and Hollywood fights back, setting up the legdrop onto the chair onto Horace’s face for the pin.
Kidman comes in but gets beaten down as well.
Ric is ready for revenge. Yeah I’m sure.
Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair
Let’s get this over with because you know where this is going. Remember that this is in the Cell cage instead of a standard version, likely so we can have multiple interferences. Ric has Reid and Beth with him, meaning they’ll likely be kidnapped again. Russo looks terrified, albeit in a perfectly manly way. Vince grabs a headlock to start and shoulders Ric down. So he’s now on the list with names like Sting, Hogan and Luger.
Ric pops back up and goes for some chops but Russo kicks him low. Thankfully Flair is right back to his feet for some chops and a low blow of his own. This is probably more than Russo has sold since he’s been back. Ric suplexes him down and drops a knee because this is a wrestling match and not Russo’s total destruction because he’s the star of the show and therefore can’t take a beating like that. A few whips into the cage and chops have Russo in more trouble so here’s David Flair from under the ring to give Russo a chance.
So Ric beats up his son for a bit as Russo sets up a ladder in the ring for no apparent reason. He climbs up and pulls part of the roof down, likely so we can have more interference. Russo gets to the top of the cage but Ric follows him, only to get poked in the eye so Russo can get the better of it. Vince climbs back into the cage but Ric stomps his hands to make him fall. Since this is WCW, the camera misses the big crash.
Ric climbs down the ladder and puts Vince in the Figure Four, which Russo survives for OVER A MINUTE until the red liquid falls from the ceiling and knocks Ric and Charles Robinson out. David puts Ric in the Figure Four and Russo pops to his feet (not even a limp) and chokes Ric until Robinson counts the pin. Russo is polite enough to collapse after walking around the ring for a bit.
Rating: F. Think back for a minute to all the matches Flair has won with the Figure Four. He’s won titles, tournaments, showdowns, pay per view main events etc. with that hold and some of the biggest names of all time have passed out in the hold. You know who didn’t pass out or give up to it after nearly seventy seconds? Vince Russo. A writer, who still hasn’t lost a match in WCW and probably never will. Ric better have gotten a medal for putting Russo over like this because it
Nash and Steiner have a meeting before the main event.
The announcers chat for a bit. I always love seeing them at a makeshift table for some reason. It sums up WCW so well.
Kevin Nash vs. New Blood
Gauntlet match. Disco is out first in an Atlanta Falcons jersey, of course leading out Russo who is still not wearing a shirt. We get some Russo acting as he says Nash loses his shot if he gets pinned or if any of the Millionaires interfere. There are about ten guys on the ramp to come after Nash and Disco is in first, only to take a side slam for a quick pin after about nine seconds.
Candido and Johnny the Bull come in at the same time and Chris takes a Jackknife. Nash goes on to Johnny but the referee counts a pin on Candido, even though no one is touching him. Johnny gets the same treatment after a Jackknife, even though there was nothing stopping Nash from throwing a boot on him for a pin. Big Vito comes in and Nash Jackknifes him almost immediately for a “pin”. Even Nash seems confused as to why he doesn’t have to cover anyone and managed to get a boot on the chest at the three count.
Mysterio eats a big boot and Nash covers him with a boot for the pin. Normally I would make fun of Nash for embarrassing Mysterio like that but at least he’s trying to do this mess properly. Six guys come in for a big beatdown but here’s Goldberg to help Nash clean house. The match is thrown out somewhere at about two minutes and fifteen seconds. Yeah Nash beat (kind of at least) five guys in about a minute and WCW wonders why these guys weren’t taken seriously.
This brings out Bischoff to say that Goldberg is going to be suspended on Wednesday. Why he’s not suspended right now isn’t clear but Goldberg cuts him off to say if Bischoff suspends him, Bischoff is next to end the show.
Overall Rating: IWW. I was wrong. Dear goodness I was wrong about thinking it couldn’t get any worse than the things they had been doing. Between Russo staying in the Figure Four for over a minute and then not even limping ten seconds later to Bischoff winning a title to Nash and Goldberg running through the New Blood inside of five minutes to the World Champion losing in a nothing match that didn’t last three minutes, this show wasn’t just bad.
This show was running in the opposite direction and seemingly trying to either be as horrible and against what the fans wanted as possible. The pay per view was secondary to pushing the writers as the real stars of the show while so much of the night was about nothing. I have no idea what was supposed to make me want to get keep watching this show because the stories are totally uninteresting and far more confusing than they should be.
It’s really saying something when a show that aired over fifteen years ago makes me want to scream but this show pulled it off. WCW isn’t just about making Russo and Bischoff look good but now there’s almost nothing else on the show that I want to see. The World Title looks to be about on the same level as the WWF European Title (held by Eddie Guerrero at this point) right now and that’s not going to be enough to carry a promotion.
This company is about Russo and Bischoff vs. Nash, Goldberg and Hogan. Aside from being another version of the evil boss vs. the stars, the major problem here is none of the villains are treated like anything special, save for Russo and Bischoff. As I’ve said before, McMahon would take a beating and lose at times to make the winners look better. Russo still doesn’t get that though and it’s making for a horrible show, only to have the atrocious booking exacerbate everything. WCW can’t be saved by one tweak at this point, but at least it could hurt less. Unfortunately it’s probably going to get worse. It always does.
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Monday Nitro #242 Date: May 29, 2000 Location: E Center, Salt Lake City, Utah Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone
So Kevin Nash is World Champion again after winning a triple threat match over Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner last week on Thunder. Jarrett had been awarded/won the title (it’s still not clear) two days before after Ric Flair had it vacated earlier tonight after winning it the week before. That’s about a fourth of the title changes this year and that’s all you need to know about WCW right now. Let’s get to it.
Clips from Thunder that led to Nash winning the title in a match announced an hour earlier. Sadly, that’s good for WCW.
Ric Flair arrives with his wife and Reid. He tells his family to stay in the limo but Russo and security immediately kidnap them. What is up with Russo’s kidnapping fetish? It’s like once every show.
Here’s Kevin Nash wearing an FUNB shirt to open things up. Before he can say anything though, here’s Scott Steiner, who is still US Champion in case you had forgotten. Nash thanks Steiner for helping him out on Thunder because it’s been eight weeks since Russo and Bischoff promised to take out the millionaires. That includes Bischoff running Page’s personal life, Hogan in a retirement match at the Great American Bash (that’s news) and Vampiro wanting to set Sting on fire.
That leaves Nash, who didn’t go according to their plans. Everyone wants to strangle Russo right now, including Nash’s buddy in Orlando. Nash talks about how hard it is to kill a legend and brings out Ric Flair for a chat. Ric still doesn’t seem to realize that his family has been kidnapped, but he’s already proven that he cares more about business than his family anyway. Ric yells about David and it seems the match for the Bash is back on. He promises to bury his son in a few weeks but tonight he’s going to beat Russo back to New York.
Nash has a present for Ric: the World Title. That would be title change #17 since the beginning of the year. Cue Jarrett who thinks the three of them are whining like a bunch of women on the View. Russo has made Nash vs. Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott in a handicap match. So was that going to be for the title in the first place or did Russo really not care about what happens to the belt?
Scott is banned from the ring because Russo owns them both. That’s fine with Steiner, because he doesn’t believe in the idea of talking out his problems. “Even when my freaks get out of line, I gotta slap them.” Jeff gets a title shot against Flair as well, which again makes me wonder what the plans were until Nash gave Flair the title. Ric says no anyway. This brings out Russo in a sleeveless shirt to show off his MANLY arms (manly here would mean arms the size of a thirteen year old) to bring out the kidnapped Flairs. The Millionaires clean house but Russo gets away with Flair’s wife.
So to recap: Nash AGAIN isn’t interested in being World Champion and just hands someone the title, Flair turns down a title defense because he doesn’t feel like it and Russo gets away again. That’s another item on the long list of problems with Russo: he never got what was coming to him. Bischoff and McMahon would at least take a beating once in awhile, but Russo never actually lost a match in WCW. Russo is some untouchable god though and always gets away with everything he’s doing. It gets old fast but it’s another example of Russo making it all about himself and ruining the company in the process.
Vampiro arrives in a gasoline truck.
Ric is looking for his family. This is a B movie plot.
Apparently the title match is on as Flair had no choice. In other words: Russo gets what he wants and Flair is broken one more time.
Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno
Disco tries to imitate the Filthy Animals by asking where his dogs are at and declaring it all swell. Konnan wants the Misfits to “pop their collars and get their mash on.” While we’re at it, let’s make this a lumberjack match. It’s a brawl to start with the Misfits throwing Disco back inside but he grabs Chavo for a hot shot.
Now it’s the Animals stomping Guerrero down to keep Disco, in a Scottie Pippen jersey, in control. Disco and Rection fight on the floor so Rey loads up a Bronco Buster on Chavo, only to have Major Gunns intercept him. He’s dumb enough to spread his legs in the corner, earning himself that low blow. Chavo tornado DDT’s Disco for the fast pin.
Post match it’s Tygress of the Nitro Girls coming in for a catfight. Madden breaks the news that she’s Mysterio’s girlfriend. Makes more sense now, though I feel dirty learning it from Mark Madden.
Vampiro says only the sinners will burn and there’s going to be a fire tonight. As Vampiro is talking to Pamela Paulshock, Kronik knock Horace Hogan across the room. This brings in Stasiak and Palumbo to beat up Kronik.
Here’s Miss Hancock with something to say. She wants to show us that she can have fun and it’s time to dance but here’s Chris Candido to break it up. We cut to the Russo locker room where David panics and runs off, leaving Russo to yell at the Flairs even more. Candido yells at Hancock and grabs her by the hair but David comes in for the save. This brings in Ric to brawl with David, though shouldn’t he be trying to save his kidnapped family?
Kimberly (homina homina homina) arrives and is mobbed by paparazzi. So that’s where Melina got the idea.
We get a clip of Kimberly on the phone with Bischoff as she gets rid of all of Page’s stuff.
Here’s G.I. Bro with something to say to yell about Shawn Stasiak attacking him after their match on Thunder. Therefore, it’s a Boot Camp match at the pay per view. Next up it’s the awesome Mike Awesome who didn’t get the job done a few weeks ago. Since we haven’t had one in long enough, let’s have an ambulance match right now.
Mike Awesome vs. G.I. Bro
They brawl on the ramp to start and Awesome slingshots into the ring to take Bro down. A powerbomb does the same but Awesome dives into a dropkick. This is another one of those matches where they have to get in everything they can because it’s probably only getting a few minutes due to all the Russo segments we need to get to. Booker messes up a leapfrog but comes back with a jumping clothesline and the ax kick.
They head up the ramp but Awesome hits him with Kanyon’s halo. You remember WWF War Zone where the audience would throw in stuff like TVs and camera as weapons? Well on this show people pull out medical halos to use in matches where you’re supposed to put your opponent in an ambulance. Somehow a TV doesn’t sound like that big of a stretch. Cue Diamond Dallas Page to help chokeslam Awesome off the ramp and through a table before tossing Mike into the ambulance for the win. Another under three minute match with ten minutes of stuff packed in.
Palumbo and Stasiak are sitting in the back with Liz next to them. A note comes underneath their door. “It’s 4:19. Got a minute?” Somehow they can’t get the idea (they’re built, not smart) and Kronik comes in to return the beating from earlier. Liz gets in a shot on Palumbo and runs off. Yeah I’m sure.
Hulk Hogan arrives and says it’s going to take more man than Bischoff to rip the read and yellow off his back. He’s in all black here so I’m assuming he’s already met that man.
Goldberg’s monster truck drives up and Goldberg himself is actually here.
Here’s Bischoff’s subgroup for a chat. Cat is now imitating Bischoff’s statements to give Eric a tribute character. Thankfully Bischoff cuts him off pretty quickly before making Horace the guest referee for Kidman vs. Hogan. Hulk comes out to say the red and yellow won’t die before going after Eric and company. We cut to the back where Goldberg is coming in and that’s time for a commercial.
Kevin Nash vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott
Nash gets jumped on the stage to start and Rick knocks him out with a wrench. Since WCW isn’t a wrestling company these days, the referee starts the match with Nash unconscious. Cue Goldberg and the fans are more alive than they’ve been in probably a year. Steiner takes a spear and a Jackhammer and I guess Nash loses by DQ. I love WCW trying to make sense of things.
Goldberg helps Nash up and Hudson says it’s a new day (YES IT IS!). Goldberg is sick of hearing from Tank Abbott so the slaughter begins tonight. The challenge is issued for a match next week in Atlanta.
Goldberg leaves.
Bischoff freaks out that Goldberg is here. Why he didn’t know that Goldberg was here when he was shown on screen before the previous segment isn’t clear.
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Vampiro
Funk is defending and Vampiro is a mystery opponent. A piledriver on the ramp gets two about ten seconds after the bell but Vampiro doesn’t bother to sell it anyway. Vampiro gives him the Nail in the Coffin but does the same thing to the referee instead of covering. Vampiro demands his pyro go off so he can burn Funk.
That goes nowhere so they head backstage with Funk hitting him in the head with a trashcan. A coffee machine to the face misses Vampiro and they fight to the production truck. Funk is knocked through the table and it’s off to the gas truck but Sting saves Funk after he’s covered in gasoline. Vampiro fights him off and grabs a blowtorch but security breaks it up and we’ve got a no contest in a hardcore match.
Rating: F. It’s stupid, it’s lame, it’s straight out of a bunch of Undertaker/Kane/Austin segments from a year earlier. I’m sick of Terry Funk holding this joke of a title for weeks on end (somehow it hasn’t even been months yet) and of Vampiro trying to be all violent for the sake of being violent. It’s not interesting and it just keeps going no matter how long ago people stopped caring. The fire stuff is stupid too as it’s like teasing the Divas back in the day. Russo would tease it over and over again but never got there, which eventually took away any of the appeal.
Ric is still looking for his family.
Russo yells at the Flairs when Shane Douglas comes in. Shane is given Scott Steiner tonight which rightfully freaks him out. Russo makes it a US Title match though and Shane calms down. That right there is the best job they’ve done at building a title since Russo and Bischoff showed up. Yeah Shane is scared of Steiner but the potential of being US Champion is enough to entice him. Totally unintentional I’m sure but well done.
We go back to last week with Page arriving at his house and finding his stuff on the lawn. Page: “This ain’t a rib.” The locks have been changed too. Kimberly opens the door and Page tells her to get out but the cops are waiting on him. We get the obvious restraining order and one of the cops is nice enough to tell Page that his kids are fans.
Awesome is with Kimberly, who doesn’t care to help him with his match against Page at the pay per view. Mike says if she does it would mean more camera time. Kimberly: “Come on Mr. sweaty man.”
We recap Page spanking Kimberly on Thunder but I’m sure Russo has the full version on a continuous loop.
Here are Kimberly, Awesome and Palumbo to call out Elizabeth for what happened last week. Elizabeth, who is finally free, ACTUALLY COMES OUT ON HER OWN! She deserves to be kidnapped over and over again. Kimberly has them kidnap Elizabeth again and yells a lot as this is pretty clearly another Russo fantasy on screen.
Cue Page to clean house but Bischoff sends out the cops to arrest Page for violating the restraining order. Palumbo attacks THE COPS with the exercise bar before hitting Page, only to have Luger come out in a face mask to beat up Palumbo. Luger and Liz leave but Awesome gets up to beat on Page even more. This brings KARL MALONE out of the crowd to Diamond Cut Awesome in a call back to the good old days. Yet another Russo fantasy/illogical segment which accomplished very little and got Karl Malone over instead of the two pay per view matches.
Ric shouts that he’ll get Russo tonight.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Shane Douglas
Steiner is defending and this is in the Asylum cage because everyone has to have their own signature gimmick match. Steiner says he’s a freak in heat. He’s ready for Tank at the pay per view and isn’t worried about Douglas or Russo. Of course he has to get Russo in there too. The champ hammers away to start and drops him with the gorilla press. A low blow gets Shane out of trouble and there’s a reverse Hennig neck snap to work on Steiner’s back. Tony reiterates the relaxed rules in WCW as Steiner rams Shane back first into the cage a few times. There’s a belly to belly and the Recliner retains the title, again in less than 3:00.
Hogan is in the yellow and red.
Sting vs. Kidman
A quick Bodog drops Sting early but Kidman is too busy doing the Hogan hand to the ear. Sting rolls to the ramp and gets a big start for a dive over the top to take Kidman down. Why is Sting more athletic and high flying than any Cruiserweight Champion has been in the better part of a year? There’s the Stinger Splash but Torrie distracts the referee, allowing Vampiro to hit Sting with a blowtorch, giving Kidman the pin. Another meaningless win after Sting was basically squashing him, but then again Russo never understood the difference.
Vampiro loads up some gasoline but Hogan makes the save. Bischoff comes out with the chair but Hogan takes it away and holds the chair up so Cat can kick it into his face. Kidman rips off Hulk’s shirt and burns it in a trashcan. Cool moment but Kidman still has no chance at the Bash. Vampiro tries to burn Sting but Kronik makes the save.
WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett
Ric is defending and David Flair is the surprise guest referee. Tony recaps the title situation by saying Nash gave Ric the title in segment one. Not EARLIER IN THE NIGHT or in the first hour, but segment one. We’re maybe thirty seconds into the match and here are Russo and the kidnapped Flairs. For once in his life Flair cares about something more than the title (not David of course, further proving that David is right in all his insanity) but Jeff gets in some chair shots to the ribs to take over.
Remember when a single chair shot would knock someone out and end a match? Well here two of them don’t even knock Ric down. Back in and Jeff hammers at Ric’s busted head. Ric comes back and hits David with the Statue of Liberty but Russo pulls him to the floor and hits him with the bat. There’s the Figure Four from Jeff but Ric makes the ropes. Charles Robinson comes out to take over and Flair gets two off the same small package that won him the title two weeks ago.
The Flair Flip sends Ric to the apron but he actually gets in a clothesline of his own. Ric punches Russo in the jaw (in one of the only times he ever gets touched) but Jeff kicks Ric into Robinson. The security gets beaten up but Russo takes over as referee, allowing Jarrett to guitar Flair for the pin and the title. Sure Russo took a punch and some chops, but it’s RUSSO getting to take the title off Flair. How MANLY he must feel, because of course Vince Russo is a man.
Rating: F. Another non-match that never has a chance to go build anything up because there’s another plot point to get to. As usual, this is almost all about Russo’s issues with Flair and Jarrett, who has gone from a zero time World Champion on April 15 to a four time World Champion on May 29. Flair isn’t immune from this either as his sixteen time record is nicely padded with two title reigns that combine for less than eight days. People talk today about the Intercontinental Title being treated as nothing or a joke, but it’s the NWA World Title in its prime compared to this mess.
Fans throw trash in the ring as the Flairs are taken away by security to end the show.
Overall Rating: F+. More bad, more non-wrestling, more people doing things that make no sense, more B-movie plots, more Russo more awful. I keep hoping that we’ll get back to normal someday but this is the new normal. This show has become a big dumping ground for whatever lame movie plots Russo isn’t smart enough to sell to a low rent direct to video company. There’s still no main event for the pay per view and I doubt Russo has any idea what it’s supposed to be because he’s too busy figuring out all of his ideas for TV that only he understands. Horrible show, as is normal these days.
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Thunder Date: May 17, 2000
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,066
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone
So Ric Flair is the new World Champion and now it’s all about trying to find out how Russo can screw up having one of the most popular stars and best wrestlers in the company on top. Granted I’m sure some of it will involve Russo beating Flair up to affirm his manliness for the week because he seems to forget it every other show. Let’s get to it.
We open with clips of Flair winning the title.
Opening sequence.
The New Blood arrives in a school bus and Shane Douglas, put in charge tonight by Bischoff, takes roll. Konnan isn’t cool with listening to Shane (he probably had enough of that in ECW) and the brawl is on. Cue the Millionaire’s Club and Misfits for a brawl (leave it to Russo to have mini stables fighting in the big stable war) and Hogan steals the bus keys from Douglas.
The announcers talk about Flair and Russo. To be fair we’re four minutes into the show so a Russo discussion was warranted.
Here’s are the Misfits and the Club (complete with the hottest act in the business in Terry Funk) to open things up. Hogan holds up the keys to the bus and tells Shane to tear up the format because they’re booking this show tonight. Cue the New Blood with Shane saying Russo and Bischoff left him in charge. It sounds like a five year old saying he’s in charge of day care while the boss is making lunch.
Hogan says he beat Kidman at Slamboree and wants a rematch at the Bash. If Hogan wins, he gets the title shot at Bash at the Beach in July. Kidman agrees to fight the mark (gah those insider terms were starting to go away) at the Bash before Hogan tells Horace they’re fighting tonight. Wait weren’t Kidman and Horace mad at each other on Monday? Jarrett says he wants Flair tonight so Ric comes to the stage and goes after all of the New Blood so it’s time for a big stable war.
The Filthy Animals aren’t pleased with Shane.
Misfits in Action vs. Filthy Animals
Eight man tag. We’re ready to go after Konnan massacres the English language yet again. Disco gets sent into the corner to start and the big men hit running splashes. This brings in Major Gunns as the match is already falling apart. It’s off to Hammer vs. Juvy with the guy you would expect to use a hurricanrana using a hurricanrana out of the corner. Hammer comes right back with right hands and a superplex for two before it’s Rey vs. Rection. I still feel bad having to type that name so often.
Some kicks set up the Bronco Buster but Rection lifts Rey up into a powerbomb position. Rey punches him in the head to make Rection go down (yeah yeah I know) and that’s exactly what he does…..right into a powerbomb. Well you can’t blame Rection for that one. Chavo comes in to clean house on Konnan but Shawn Stasiak sneaks out to low bridge him to the floor and that’s actually a DQ. I didn’t know those still existed but maybe it’s because Russo and Bischoff aren’t here. I could get used to this.
Rating: D+. There was some nice action in here but as usual they didn’t have time to do anything. Russo and Bischoff did love themselves some stable wars and if they can have a mini stable war inside the big stable war you know they’re going to be all for it. It’s still not very interesting after we’ve seen it 67 times, but that never stopped WCW before.
The Misfits get beaten down until Booker makes the save, leading to Major Gunns taking off her top and giving Chavo CPR. Tenay: “It must be the large lungs.”
Luger tells the Millionaires he has to go and take care of something.
Booker T. (yes T again. I’ll give Russo this: he knew enough to realize how stupid that idea was) says he’s got the Misfits’ back.
Hulk Hogan vs. Horace Hogan
Hulk blames Horace’s actions on the death of his father. I’m sure the gorgeous blonde had nothing to do with it. In the back we see Kidman trying to come out but Horace beats him up to stop it. Horace grabs Torrie’s hand and drags her to ringside where Hulk immediately attacks him.
The nephew is sent into various metal objects until he rakes Hulk’s eyes after Hulk sets up a table. They get inside and Hulk starts with the weightlifting belt to take over again. Torrie gets on the apron for a distraction and Horace gets in a cheap shot. Horace kisses Torrie, drawing out Kidman to beat him down. The distraction lets Hulk hit Horace in the back with a chair for the lame pin.
Rating: D-. That’s some strong nepotism. I like the idea of trying to push Horace as something new, but that might involve them actually letting him pin Hulk, or at least not get destroyed by him in four minutes. That being said, he got to kiss Torrie so it’s not a total loss. Nothing match of course, as anyone would have expected.
Post match Hulk goes after Torrie but kisses her instead, knocking Torrie down to the mat. Hulk leaves and Torrie can’t stop smiling. So now Hulk is the great lover. Does that make Kidman the original Bubba the Love Sponge?
Chuck Palumbo is lifting at the gym but here’s Lex Luger to kick out his spotter and attack Palumbo with a pipe. Palumbo gets thrown into a laundry bin and hit with a “45lb weight.” Yes it’s real because 45lb weights bounce along the floor when you throw them down. Luger pours a protein shake on Palumbo for good measure. So we have pipes and covering someone in liquid. This is totally different than the other phallic weapons that Russo usually has people use.
Norman and Ralphus are selling homemade F.U.N.B. shirts. Where did they get the money to make those if they had $1.20 between them on Monday?
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Cat
This is Funk giving Cat a shot due to what happened Monday. Funk attacks him on the ramp and gets two each off a DDT and neckbreaker. They fight into the back with Funk nailing him with a computer, only to be sent into a pile of water bottles. Some trash can shots have Cat in trouble so he comes back with a bag of popcorn.
They keep throwing each other into various things and there’s nothing going on in between. It heads outside with Funk breaking down Norman and Ralphus’ t-shirt table. He beats on them with a chair for good measure but Cat attacks him from behind. They fight onto a car and Cat throws Funk off, only to have to beat up Norman to cut off his sales pitch. Smiley hits Cat with a chair to give Funk the pin.
Rating: D. This was entertaining at times with the Norman stuff being worth more than the rest of the match. I think I’ve complained enough about Funk’s major push already and at least this was just a one on one match. Miller is fine for a comedy guy but he was never a real threat here.
Norman and Ralphus get arrested. It was a nice idea while it lasted.
Here’s Mike Awesome to brag about crippling Kanyon. He’s got DDP at the Bash but tonight it’s an open challenge. Scott Steiner comes out and promises to put Awesome in the ambulance, which just happens to be ready for them.
Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner
Steiner kicks him low to start and does the belly to belly into the pushups. I guess the elbow is still in development. Awesome bails to the floor and throws in a chair but Steiner catches it, only to throw it at Mike and miss. It’s Awesome with a low blow this time, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. It says a lot that they have so many gimmick matches that they can’t remember if they’re having another one here or not. The Awesome Bomb is broken up and Steiner puts on the Recliner, only to have Goldberg’s music break it up.
It’s Tank of course but Rick Steiner sneaks in from behind to start a 3-1 on his brother. Cue the Goldberg truck in the arena and the distraction lets Scott throw Rick and Tank at the truck. This is too much for Awesome who gets in the ambulance and drives away, I guess giving Steiner the win. And yes I mean Scott. I shouldn’t have to clarify that someone not in the match can’t win it, but stranger things have happened around here lately.
Rating: D. Like I said, the fact that they seem confused over whether or not they’re having a gimmick match tells you most of what you need to know here. Mike losing again makes me roll my eyes but it’s been clear for a long time that this alleged youth movement is more smoke and mirrors to hide the fact that it’s all about the old guys.
Shane tries to fire up the New Blood but he’s no Russo or Bischoff. Take that however you want to.
Mike Tenay is in the hospital with Kanyon, who has little feeling from the waist down. He saw what was happening in the main event at Slamboree and had to get involved because Page has done so much for him. Kanyon certainly isn’t bothered that Page is out walking while he’s here in the hospital because he’ll survive this. He’s going to turn on Page and the announcers are going to be disgusted at such a horrible thing right?
Shane gets a phone call from Kronik who want him in a three way dance tonight. Douglas hangs up on them and tells the New Blood to watch his door. They tell him to fight his own battles and leave.
During the break, Kronik broke into Shane’s locker room and drag him to the ring for a fight.
Kronik vs. Shane Douglas
It seems that Kronik are the official champions after the win on Monday. Sure why not. Shane tries to fight back with a foreign object but Clark knocks it out of his hand and hits the pumphandle slam. Cue the Wall with a table to chokeslam Shane through a table for revenge from Monday. High Times completes the squash. Tony tries to call this a three way dance but give me a break.
Rating: D-. So tonight’s lesson is the New Blood comes apart as soon as the calm and soothing voices of Russo and Bischoff aren’t around. Yes they’re somehow putting themselves over all the wrestlers despite not even being in the building. Total squash here as it should have been and now the Wall seems to be defecting. I’m sure that means he gets buried soon.
Here’s the new champ with something to say but he has to wait for a FIFTEEN TIMES chant. As usual he says “last night” but at least he corrects himself and says Monday night. Flair tells Jarrett that he was lucky to win on Monday but he still has the belt. Jarrett comes from the old school and that earns Ric’s respect but now it’s time for the champ to worry about his home life.
That brings him to Russo, who was a skinny Italian kid growing up in the Bronx. Russo’s dad told him to be like Bruno Sammartino but Russo thought Bruno wasn’t slick enough. So Russo’s dad bought him cable and one day Russo saw WCW out of Atlanta, Georgia. The sight of Flair scared Russo’s mom (who speaks with a stereotypical Italian accent like Russo’s dad) and all that was left was Russo who had a checkbook but no muscles.
Russo wanted to be a limousine riding jet flying kiss stealing wheeling dealing son of a gun but no muscles, no girlfriends and now he doesn’t even have the World Title. The title represents the old generation and tradition. Flair got lucky but he’s got the belt and the title is all there is in this sport. Since Russo can’t take over the great ones, he’s taking over Ric’s son. Cue Jeff Jarrett and the fight is quickly on but Crowbar and David come in to help with the beating.
This means Horsemen music and Arn with a pipe for the save. Anderson says Russo woke up another old dog last week and he always wakes up grumpy. He was content to just work backstage and do what he could but the reality is he’s a wrestler. When Anderson comes home and sees his kid playing with matches, he stops caring about what people think and whips that kid with a belt so he doesn’t do it again. Anderson holds up the four fingers and says tonight it’s Anderson and Flair one more time.
Vampiro rambles about being the real freak and burns a Sting mask.
Here’s Sting with something to say. He’s been doing this for more than ten years but Vampiro has him about to blow a gasket. Vampiro comes out to say Sting has no backbone because he didn’t finish the job on Monday. Sting wants to be Vampiro and they need to fight again at the Great American Bash in an inferno match. Sting says no so Vampiro lights the ropes on fire.
Shane asks Jarrett for help.
Ric Flair/Arn Anderson vs. Crowbar/David Flair
We cut to the back to see Anderson getting beaten down (apparently he broke his foot in between the segment and the match so he couldn’t go). Jarrett comes out to attack Flair and it’s Crowbar and David to make it 3-1. David puts on the Figure Four but here’s Nash, allowing Flair to small package Daffney for the pin. Another day, another ridiculous win where a no contest would have made sense.
Nash cleans house but Ric collapses on the ramp. From what I can find, including in Flair’s book, this was a legit inner ear issue and not scripted.
The New Blood gets on their bus but they don’t have the keys. The Millionaire’s Club appears and pushes the bus over onto its side. This brings on the Goldberg truck to charge at the bus as the show ends.
Overall Rating: D. I can’t explain to you how much easier this show was to sit through without Russo showing up all over it. The amount of time he gets on TV every week is one of the major problems WCW has been having lately because it’s complete overkill. Bischoff is around a lot too but it’s nowhere near as annoying with him, probably due to his voice not being so horrible. This show was a nice break from those two as you don’t need them in every segment to make something work. It’s still not good or anything due to the horrible way of running a show, but this was a lot less of a chore to get through than your common Nitro.
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Monday Nitro #240 Date: May 15, 2000
Location: Mississippi Coast Coliseum, Biloxi, Mississippi
Attendance: 8,550
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson
The shows had been picking up for a bit until this past Thunder was another disaster with everything being all screwy and focused on Russo. It’s not clear what we’re getting for a main event at the Great American Bash but in theory it’s going to be Flair vs. Jarrett for the title. Then again the most logical option at this point would be Russo vs. Terry Funk as those two have been some of the most featured names on the roster in recent weeks. Let’s get to it.
Vampiro vs. Sting
We’re opening with a match. Of course it’s not a wrestling match though because why do that when you can have a GIMMICK MATCH? This is the House of Pain, which is a cage match but you have to handcuff all four of your opponent’s limbs to the ropes to win. At least the cage has a roof on it to make it a bit cooler. Sting climbs to the top of the cage to start and pounds a hole through the roof to get in. Well that’s different. Vampiro grabs a Saito Suplex to take over as I try to figure out why he didn’t grab the BASEBALL BAT that Sting dropped as he was climbing into the cage.
Vampiro stomps him down and screams a lot before kneeing Sting low. A nice spinning kick to the face drops Sting again but he pops back up with a bunch of clotheslines (Hudson: “POWERBOMB AFTER POWERBOMB!”) and a whip into the cage. Vampiro gets shackled face first against the cage but Sting would rather hit a bunch of Stinger Splashes to Vampiro’s back. The match just ends with no bell as Sting walks out.
Rating: D. Normally I would ask why this wasn’t the pay per view match but there’s no mystery here. This has Russo written all over it as he took a match which didn’t need to take place yet and put a big gimmick on top of it to open a show with no warning. I like the idea of opening with a match, but as usual it’s one step forward after fourteen steps back while stopping for a swerve along the way.
The cage starts rising up with Vampiro attached. The lights go out and Vampiro is gone when they come back up.
Shane Douglas attacks Brian Clark in the parking lot. The Goldberg truck is seen in the background.
Captain Rection gives the Misfits a pep talk and gives them their new names: Chavo Guerrero Jr. is now Lieutenant Loco and Van Hammer is Major Stash. They have a new recruit named Major Gunns, who used to be one of the NWO girls.
Kronik comes out with the Tag Team Titles and they’re introduced as champions. Wait when did they win the belts? I thought Bag….never mind as I don’t want to hear the explanation. They want Douglas and Bagwell out here right now. Shane comes out and says Bagwell has been suspended for thirty days but he has backup for this title match.
Tag Team Titles; Shane Douglas/The Wall vs. Kronik
It’s a brawl to start (of course) with Clark chasing Douglas to the back. Wall chokeslams Adams but Clark takes him to the floor for some clubberin. A belly to back suplex puts Clark through a table and splashes Adams through another one. Kronik pops back up and chokeslams Wall onto (not through) the announcers’ table for a pin back inside.
Rating: D. That was a match? I still have no idea if Kronik are really the champions or not but to be fair I don’t think WCW really knows either. Wall looked good and there’s no shame in getting beaten up by two monsters like Kronik. Whatever gets the belts off the dead team of Douglas and Bagwell is a good idea though so why not Kronik.
Wall beats up the paramedics.
Disco tries to join the New Blood but Bischoff blows him off. Terry Funk comes in and still won’t hand over the Hardcore Title. Ernest Miller jumps him and Bischoff goes on about his business as the beating ensues in the back.
Norman Smiley and Ralphus are in the parking lot and in need of a job. The Goldberg truck looms.
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Filthy Animals
Funk is defending of course and it’s Juvy/Mysterio/Konnan here. Miller attacks Funk on the way to the ring because just three on one isn’t enough of a challenge for him. The trio starts fast and thankfully Miller leaves so it’s not as one sided. A bunch of weapon shots put Funk down and Rey takes a chair to the top for Sabu’s Atomic Arabian Facebuster. Cue the Misfits in Action to attack the Animals but Disco Inferno runs in to help the Animals. Booker T. runs in and cleans house before draping Funk’s arm over Juvy for the pin to retain. Funk hadn’t moved for the last minute and a half.
Rating: F. STOP WITH THE TERRY FUNK STUFF! At this point, Funk is arguably the strongest pushed face on the roster as he keeps winning over these impossible odds and is one of Bischoff’s main targets. That’s really the best thing they can come up with? This wasn’t a match of course but that’s how it goes around here anymore.
Post match Major Gunns bounces to the ring to take off her top and give Funk mouth to mouth.
Ric Flair arrives.
Norman and Ralphus get jobs selling popcorn.
Ric charges into the New Blood’s office to find Russo but Bischoff says he doesn’t know where Russo is. Flair leaves and Bischoff sends Miller to warn Russo.
Chris Candido and Tammy come out and issue an open challenge to any other couple for a mixed tag for the Cruiserweight Title.
Cruiserweight Title: Chris Candido/Tammy vs. Daffney/Crowbar
The guys slug it out to start as Tony acts like this is a perfectly logical decision on all sides. Cue Miss Hancock to watch and continue a story that has somehow gone backwards after all these months. Candido superplexes Crowbar down and drops the top rope headbutt for two with Daffney making the save. Everything breaks down and Crowbar tries to suplex Tammy as Candido holds Daffney back. Yes that’s backwards and no, the announcers don’t mention that it’s backwards.
Tammy actually counters into a small package for two before taking Crowbar down with a swinging neckbreaker. Crowbar doesn’t seem to mind as he slingshots into a splash on Candido for two before taking him outside for a Vader Bomb off the barricade. Tammy baseball slides a chair into Crowbar’s face and everything breaks down again.
Daffney gives Tammy a Bronco Buster but it’s time for Hancock to dance, which she says is for Tony. In the distraction, Crowbar gives Candido a sitout gordbuster on the ramp, allowing Daffney to roll Tammy up for the pin and the title. It’s not clear who champion is now, meaning the Cruiserweight Title is in the same place as the Tag Team Titles.
Rating: D-. This is the definition of Russo having fun instead of doing something that makes sense. Let’s look at this for a second. Candido came up with this match on the fly and we just happen to have a couple (as in one of what, three on the roster?) come out and fight for the Cruiserweight Title. Then, after stupid stuff like Candido holding Daffney back from saving Tammy for reasons that make no sense, Crowbar and Daffney win the title (I guess?) in a WACKY moment. Russo gets to laugh and another title gets to be treated like a joke.
Daffney and Crowbar both hold the title and seem to argue over who is the real champion.
We don’t have time to figure out what’s going on here though as Ric Flair comes out and beats up Crowbar, just in case the Cruiserweight Title was going to seem important for a few moments. Apparently this is over something that happened in Flair’s house over the weekend which we’ll get to see later. At least there’s a story to it.
Flair demands that Russo get out here right now but Russo is in the truck telling someone to play the tape when he tells them to. After a break, Russo is still demanding that Russo get out here.
Now we cut to Sting, who is going to his car but finds it on fire.
Back to Flair (that Sting bit was interjected with no intro or exit and it was right back to the arena) and the tape airs. It’s David driving a nice car up to Ric’s house with Daffney in the trunk and Russo in the front seat. David says the limo out front is for when his stepmother goes to get the groceries. They go inside and David looks at a portrait of him with his brother Reid and sister Ashley (now known as Charlotte), who he says put unfair expectations on him.
They go into Ric’s bedroom so Daffney can bounce on the bed before looking at the pool. David says his pool is a muddy creek, which Russo says is shark infested. Russo steals a robe out of the closet and then takes him into Reid’s room to complain about Ric never coming to David’s games. David claims that he had to sleep in an unfinished basement but Beth, Ashley (who looks like a blonde Stephanie McMahon) and Reid show up. Russo yells at all of them and leaves wearing the robe.
Back in the arena, David and Daffney come to the stage. Ric tells David to come to the ring and David actually does it. Tonight, David is going to grow up. Ric talks about watching David yell at Arn Anderson on Wednesday but David erupts about having to be Ric’s son for all these years. Daffney sticks her tongue out at Ric as he talks about earning a World Title shot at the Great American Bash. Instead, he’s having that match tonight and wants to face David at the pay per view.
Ric says we’re not going to talk about family business on TV because they’ll fight at the Bash. David wants Ric to be ready but Ric gives is standard promo about Dusty Rhodes, Sting and Lex Luger trying to take him out over the years. Ric says he’ll retire if he loses at the Bash and calls David an embarrassment to the family. Jeff Jarrett sneaks in and hits Ric with the guitar. He slaps on the Figure Four and David beats on Ric for a bit.
I get the idea of the story here, but Ric is looking like the most self centered jerk of all time. His son is clearly having a breakdown right in front of him over all the pressure his dad has put on him but Ric is too busy talking about having a World Title shot and blaming David for being manipulated by all the people in wrestling. Remember about a year ago when Ric brought David into this business and made him US Champion? Well neither does Ric because he’s too busy looking out for himself than for his son. For once, I actually get the idea Russo is presenting here, even though I doubt it’s what he had in mind.
Russo yells at Liz in the back and has some tough love for her. She gets to go inside a cage tonight.
Back from a break with the cage lowered and Russo and Liz coming to the ring. They’re fixing the roof of the cage as Russo yells at Liz for humiliating him over the last few weeks. Tonight she’s going to learn in a House of Pain match against Madusa, who Liz hit with a chair last week.
Madusa vs. Miss Elizabeth
Palumbo is watching the door so just get Luger out here already. Russo is in the cage as the bell rings and keeps yelling at Liz. He yells about Liz being from Kentucky and wants her to slap him now. Dude, we get it. You’re doing this because you’ve wanted Liz for like fifteen years now and you’ll be thinking of every single detail of this during your private time later because you got to be a big dominant man over a woman. I really don’t need to see your fantasies coming to life.
So anyway, Luger is the technician on the roof and comes in to clean house and rack Madusa. Ask your own questions about how Luger got up there in that uniform in the three minutes between Russo announcing the match and coming to the ring. Luger cleans house until security breaks the door open and maces him. It’s 12-1 until Kevin Nash makes the save. Funk and Nash need to team up as the Overcomers after they regularly beat these ridiculous odds week after week.
Security leaves Nash alone with Madusa but Mike Awesome comes in to lay Nash out. This of course means it’s time for MORE RUSSO as he comes out, only to leave with Awesome. Nash grabs the mic and wants Awesome in an ambulance match tonight. Awesome says it’s on. That would be the fifth gimmick match of the night.
Scott Steiner and his women arrive and rip up the format. Wait….this was the structured version??? He’ll be waiting out back for Tank and Rick Steiner because there are too many rules in wrestling.
Norman and Ralphus give out popcorn. There’s no story advancement here but I’ll take what I can get.
Rick and Tank go outside to fight Scott, including Rick breaking a 2×4 over his back. The Goldberg truck shows up and crushes about six cars to chase them off.
Nash is backing an ambulance into the arena.
Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome
Ambulance match just because. Nash hammers away as you would expect him to but Awesome comes back with a flying clothesline. It’s chair time though and Nash blasts him in the back as Tony talks about relaxed rules. That’s fine in theory but it’s a gimmick match (as is way too common anymore) with no rules. Try to keep up Schiavone.
They fight up the stage with Awesome hitting him low and setting up a table next to the ambulance. Cue Diamond Dallas Page with a Diamond Cutter to Mike on the ramp. A double powerbomb off the stage puts Awesome through the table (ugly bump as Nash couldn’t get him up and Page had to help Awesome down or he would have broken his neck) and the match is over without the ambulance being involved.
Rating: F. When you have this many gimmicks in one night, at least use the gimmicks. After the non-finish in the previous match (can you really even call it one?) they do this because Nash can’t just put him in the ambulance? There’s a chance Awesome was injured, but that could be because Nash shouldn’t be trying to do spots like that on someone as big as Awesome.
Bischoff is watching on a monitor and says he’ll do it himself.
Hogan arrives.
Ralphus has popcorn stuck in his teeth. Crack jokes ensue and Norman thinks they should expand into selling drinks. Ralphus reaches down his pants and then goes into the popcorn so they’re both fired with no pay.
Here are Bischoff/Miller/Kimberly with something to say. Bischoff brags about Page’s impending divorce and says he wants to beat up Page himself. Page better bring some backup with him too. Cue Page to call Miller a pussycat before cleaning house. Kimberly hits Page in the face with a chair and Miller adds a spinning kick but here’s Sid for the first time in a month to stand on the apron. He makes Page tag him (so fitting from Sid) before he’ll come in and…..chokeslam Page. Does this really surprise anyone?
Just in case that angle is about to set in on anyone, Hogan comes out and clears the ring in about three seconds. Bischoff says Hogan is a dead man.
Kidman vs. Horace Hogan vs. Hulk Hogan
Wait didn’t the New Blood destroy Horace on Thunder? Ah yes we get a clip of that but Horace is back here and on the New Blood’s side. Well of course he is. Hudson brings up the fact that Bischoff is doing the same thing to the Hogans that Russo is doing to the Flairs. Before that can sink in though, Tony says this is a three way dance. Why would Bischoff book it as anything but a handicap match? Bischoff jumps in on commentary of course.
Horace stands in the corner as Hulk beats Kidman up. Kidman’s forearms to the back have no effect and Hulk catapults him out to the ramp. It’s time for the weightlifting belt and Bischoff wants a DQ. Back in and Kidman begs Horace for help but Hulk suplexes Kidman for two. They head outside with Hulk posting Kidman, only to come back with a low blow. Eric: “Tremendous uppercut by the Kidster!”
Back in and Hulk no sells the low shot so Kidman does it again. Horace throws Kidman at Hulk, drawing Bischoff to the apron for some yelling. Horace knocks Eric out to the floor so here are the Filthy Animals. The Hogans get chairs and clean house but cue Torrie in a leopard print dress to wink at Horace, who then blasts Hulk with a chair for the pin.
Rating: D. As usual, take fifteen angles and pile it into a five minute match. This was way too much at once and Russo and Bischoff probably thought it needed more. The Hogan feud isn’t doing anything for Kidman as he doesn’t actually win any of the big matches, but why would Hulk be interested in making someone new who could draw more money for the company and ultimately Hulk himself?
Tony doesn’t understand what’s going on between Torrie and Horace. Tony Schiavone can be really, really stupid at times.
Torrie and Horace leave together and Kidman isn’t happy. Eric comes up and says they’ll talk about this. Tony STILL doesn’t get it.
WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Jeff Jarrett
Jeff is defending. Nash is watching in the back and Russo is wearing Ric’s robe, plus what appear to be some of Reid’s medals. We’re even graced with Russo on commentary for more of that New Yawk accent. Of course it’s a brawl to start and Ric takes it to the announcers’ table early on. They get inside for the first time with Jeff pulling up the bottom rope for a low blow.
It’s back to the floor with Jeff driving a chair into Ric’s ribs and leg as Tony wants David to think for himself. Jeff puts on the Figure Four as Russo reminds us that Ric quit last week. That’s the first mention of that forgotten angle tonight so they almost got away with it. Ric makes the rope for the break and comes back with a low blow. Jarrett slams him off the top but Ric grabs a small package for World Title #15.
Rating: C-. He did it with a wrestling move. How about that? This is one of the few moments that makes sense as you have to give Flair SOMETHING after having him get destroyed so many times. That being said, if you want Jarrett to look like a serious main eventer, stop giving him eight day title reigns.
Russo and David beat Ric down again after the match. Vince leaves with the title but Nash comes out to take it away from him. Nash powerbombs Jarrett through the ring and stands tall because the new World Champion is just a guy. At least he hands the title to Flair.
Bischoff tells someone that they have a plan that they’ll start Wednesday morning. Shane Douglas is placed in charge at Thunder. Of all the people, you pick SHANE DOUGLAS?
Flair holds up the title to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. This was every Russo idea stuffed into one show and cranked up to about seventeen. All night long it was cramming all kinds of stuff into a single segment, followed by people turning on each other and of course Russo. Russo here, Russo there and Russo in the background of other scenes.
Now at least they have something resembling stories going on, but the problem is there are so many ideas going on that you can’t keep up with them. Take the Liz vs. Madusa stuff for instance. They do the match, Luger making the save, Awesome coming out and then Nash coming out in the span of five minutes. There’s so much going on that I have no idea if any of them had an impact on me or not.
The one thing I’m sure of is I’m sick of Russo on camera. It’s the same I’M FROM NEW YORK stuff over and over again as the women keep getting beaten up by men or yelled at by Russo because he needs to validate his masculinity eighteen times a night. I’m tired of seeing Russo all the time because there’s no payoff for him. It’s all “I’m Vince Russo and I hate tradition but there’s nothing you can do about it because I’m from New York and smart and stuff.” Just picture that for three hours plus four or five gimmick matches a night and you have this episode of Nitro. Oh and Russo because he hasn’t been mentioned enough lately.
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Slamboree 2000 (2015 Redo): Yes, This Is An Improvement
Slamboree 2000
Date: May 7, 2000
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 7,165
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
It’s time for the David Arquette pay per view with the triple cage match which has only been vaguely described on TV. Coming off this week’s Nitro and Thunder where there was barely any build for most of the matches, it’s really hard to get into this show. Maybe there will be some actual effort this time, though I have a feeling I’m going to be disappointed. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Thunder, which set up Great American Bash next month. Notice that: they don’t even have anything to build up for this month’s show so they’re already talking about June. That’s a really bad sign.
The Millionaire’s Club arrives on a bus. I’m sure their promos in the arena on the pre-show were a figment of my imagination.
We go to the opening video, which starts by talking about Flair vs. Douglas. Is that really the most important thing to talk about? The other big matches get some time too in the best video they’ve done on the show so far. They’re actually talking about some matches for a change.
There’s a long entrance ramp back. I’ve always been a fan of those.
Cruiserweight Title: Chris Candido vs. The Artist
Candido is defending and Artist hasn’t won a match on TV since March. Tammy offers to show the fans hers in the Show Me State. A quick rollup gets two for the champ but a second attempt is countered into a German suplex for two for the Artist. They pick things up a bit with Artist backdropping Candido to the floor, only to be whipped into the barricade. Candido goes up but Artist kind of clotheslines him out of the air. It looked like a spear with no impact so we’ll call it a clothesline.
Back in and a hurricanrana gets two for Artist but The champ comes back with chops in the corner. Artist gets knocked to the apron and suplexes Candido over the top in the only good spot of the match so far. Chris gives him a low blow (there are referees tonight but they’re as worthless as ever) but Artist comes back with a bad powerbomb.
Candido’s hurricanrana off the top is blocked and Artist hits a middle rope Samoan drop. Tammy tries to interfere and triggers a catfight, only to have Tammy chair Artist for a close two. They even played Candido’s music but the referee says keep going. Candido piledrives Artist and drops the top rope headbutt to retain.
Rating: D. Artist is dull and boring most of the time but here he was adding in blowing spots. To be fair though, Candido wasn’t really helping here as he kept blowing things left and right as well. This was such a boring time for the title as 3 Count and the Jung Dragons, as in the guys who could actually be entertaining with the title, have been forgotten for this company wide story. It felt like an old NWA Junior Heavyweight Title match where smaller guys who didn’t wrestle a different style had dull matches and no one cared but it was its own division and therefore supposed to be special.
Paisley rips off Tammy’s dress and crawls over to Artist.
The announcers explain the cage for the first time.
Video of Terry Funk getting beaten up a lot. Now you get to see him defend a title.
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley/???
Funk is defending and Norman has a mystery partner who is obviously Ralphus. Norman hides in the bathroom to start because it worked so well last month. Funk finds the mystery partner (wearing a catcher’s mask) instead, allowing Norman to blast Funk with a fire extinguisher. Why he doesn’t hit him with the extinguisher itself isn’t clear but Norman isn’t the brightest guy in the world.
Funk gets rammed into a Coke machine until the light goes out and some trashcan lid shots get two. They brawl through the back until Terry throws Norman through Gene’s interview set. The mystery partner gets on a pile of carpet and throws boxes at Terry, allowing Madden to make pitcher and catcher jokes. Some trashcan shots get two on Norman as the mystery partner just stands around letting Norman get destroyed.
Funk hits him with a chair for two as the partner doesn’t even break up the cover. They fight to the go position (Tony: “HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE RING???” I would say listen for the cheering but that’s not happening at a WCW show.) and then into the arena with Funk dragging the partner to the ring. Madden think it’s Bubba the Love Sponge. The mask comes off and of course it’s Ralphus.
Funk accidentally pulls Ralphus’ pants down as Norman attacks with a ladder. Madden: “Not since I was attacked by Tank Abbott have we seen……wait what am I saying?” Ok that was kind of funny. A chair to Funk’s head sets up the Big Wiggle but Ralphus, who has lost his shirt, wants to join in. Funk comes back with some chair shots and rolls Norman up to retain.
Rating: C. It’s stupid, it’s goofy, and it’s probably the most entertaining thing on this show. Ralphus is one of those ideas where they knew exactly what they had and didn’t try to make it anything more than that. This was good fun and Norman continues to be the most underrated thing in WCW.
David Arquette arrives half an hour into the show and says he’s got his own money so he’s not with the Millionaire’s Club. Don’t let the smile fool you: he’s scared. They’re actually trying to treat this seriously and that’s even dumber than putting Arquette in the story in the first place.
Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig
Feeling out process to start as the announcers debate what they can call either guy without getting in trouble for gimmick infringement. A hiptoss puts Stasiak on the floor and he comes back in to fight over a top wristlock. Shawn gets two off a sunset flip as the Misfits in Action are in the front row in different color fatigues. Out to the floor now with Stasiak choking over the announcers’ table before they head to the ramp.
Hennig throws his back out while trying a slam and Shawn puts on a sleeper back inside. As usual, Stasiak is really dull in the ring. Totally adequate and not bad by any stretch, but dull. Hennig breaks it up after two arm drops and punches Shawn out of the air to take over. Not that it matters as Stasiak catapults him into the post and puts on the HennigPlex for the pin.
Rating: D+. Totally watchable match and probably the most technically sound things are going to get all night but I really didn’t need to watch eight minutes of Stasiak being dull before getting the pin. I guess Stasiak is supposed to be the new Mr. Perfect. It would be nice if we had heard a promo from Stasiak where he said that, but that’s probably asking too much from WCW.
Russo tells Steiner to keep the New Blood roll going. Steiner doesn’t seem pleased.
US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus
Steiner is defending. First up though, Morrus renames himself Hugh G. Rection or Captain Rection for short. Well of course he did. Steiner hammers him down in the corner but Rection comes back with enough right hands to put Scott on the floor for a breather. Back in and a spinwheel kick of all things gets two on the champ and there’s Rection’s top rope elbow. The girls break up No Laughing Matter though and put Rection in the Tree of Woe, allowing Madden to get in some easy jokes. The t-bone suplex sets up the pushups and the spinning belly to belly gets two.
We hit the bearhug (and Madden misses the squeezing jokes) for a bit before a belly to belly knocks Rection even sillier. Steiner stops to pose, giving us some of the only unique heel work of the night. Rection makes his comeback with splashes in the corner and an Owen Hart-style tombstone, only to mostly miss the moonsault. His feet smack Steiner in the head but the Recliner retains the title a few seconds later.
Rating: D. Another bad match here but the stupid name was really messing this up. It’s really difficult to stay in a match when there’s a stupid joke every 18 seconds. As usual Russo would rather make himself laugh than advance the story in any meaningful way because Russo is a hack. A creative hack but still a hack.
Booker T. comes out to save Rection from the Recliner.
Kanyon says he’ll win tonight.
Mike Awesome vs. Chris Kanyon
Kanyon starts with a clothesline as the fans look at something in the crowd. Instead of going to a hold, Awesome sends Kanyon outside for a big dive over the top, drawing an ECW chant. Kanyon wraps Awesome’s ribs around the post and drives in a baseball slide for good measure. There’s a flip dive off the apron as the fans are trying to get into this show. Back in and Awesome comes back with the top rope clothesline, followed by some chair shots to take over again.
Some choking on the floor is followed by a hard clothesline for Awesome as this is the good match these two are capable of having when there’s nothing screwy going on. Mike chairs Kanyon in the back but gets crotched on the top, allowing Kanyon to pull him down with a nice neckbreaker. Awesome rolls through a high cross body for two but Kanyon’s fireman’s carry pancake gets the same. An Alabama Slam (which Tony calls a version of a powerbomb) knocks Kanyon silly before powerbombing Kanyon on the back of his head in a scary landing.
Mike peels back the mats at ringside but opts for a slingshot shoulder instead. He can’t Awesome Bomb Kanyon over the top rope so it’s a release German suplex across the ring instead. Awesome loads up the powerbomb onto the concrete and here’s Nash to interrupt. Cue the New Blood and the match is thrown out, presumably due to Nash’s jealousy shining through.
Rating: B-. Match of the night by a mile and I’d be surprised if anything besides the main event comes anywhere close to it. This is what happens when you let two talented guys beat each other up and do impressive looking moves to each other for ten minutes. Now of course there had to be a screwy ending because the fans were getting into it and WCW doesn’t know how to handle that, but I’ll take what good stuff I can get when I can get it.
The Millionaire’s Club comes down for the save, just like they have on every TV show for two weeks.
We recap Bagwell vs. Luger which is happening again for reasons I’ll never comprehend. This time Russo has stolen Liz (and let her go on Nitro, only to have her back two days later for reasons that were never explained) and Bagwell is doing Russo’s fighting. As has been explained: this is an excuse for Russo to look manly and have Liz on his arm.
Russo tells Liz to change out of her dress (which looks quite good already) and put on something he’s picked out for her.
Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell
Bagwell doesn’t have a title so Tony isn’t sure if he and Douglas are still champions. We start with the posing because that’s what they’ve done for years now. Luger drives him into the corner to start but Buff pounds him down with ease. We’re already in the chinlock but Luger fights out with a suplex. Dang he’s working hard tonight. The right hands and clotheslines knock Bagwell to the floor, which I think has happened in every match tonight.
Luger gets in a few shots and throws Bagwell back in by the ear. That’s certainly a new one. Bagwell gets two of his own off a double arm DDT and we’re back in the chinlock. This might be the laziest pairing in wrestling history but they keep getting paired together for years on end. After they stay on the mat with the chinlock it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down again. Buff drops a splash for two and it’s off to a reverse chinlock.
Luger looks mildly annoyed, realizes there’s a camera on him, and starts wincing. We cut to the back where Russo tells Liz to come watch, only to have Liz come out and hit him with the ball bat. Luger starts his comeback but Buff hits him in the ribs. Cue Bagwell with the bat but Buff takes it away from her and hits Luger in the stomach. Liz picks the bat up though and breaks up the Blockbuster, setting up the Rack for the submission.
Rating: D. Luger and Bagwell laying around instead of trying to have a good match? Who would have ever seen that one coming? This was your standard match between the two and it’s still nothing that anyone would want to see again, hence why I’m sure they’ll be best friends again by the end of the year. Can we just have Liz fall for Russo already? You know it’s coming soon.
Post match Chuck Palumbo comes in and blasts Luger in the back with an exercise bar. He’s wearing gear identical to Luger, so Russo is already repeating his own storyline from the Stasiak vs. Hennig story. Palumbo Racks Luger and Bagwell kidnaps Liz again. April O’Neil wasn’t this helpless.
Shane Douglas is happy to finally get his hands on Flair. As usual, if you didn’t watch ECW or read the internet, this story makes no sense to you.
Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas
Douglas says he’s awesome and is going to destroy Flair. Ric comes out and has the referee hold the ropes for a former World Champion. Flair: “Not that you would know anything about that buddy.” Ric even mentions ECW when promising to take Shane out tonight like it’s 1981. They actually wrestle to start until Shane elbows him in the face to take over.
The chop it out until Flair gets slammed off the top, followed by a Figure Four from Douglas. Hudson: “THAT’S THE MOVE HE WON SO MANY WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS WITH!” Your factoid of the day: Flair never actually won a World Title with the Figure Four by traditional submission. Every time he won with the Figure Four, it was due to his opponent passing out in the hold. Flair grabs a rope and hits one heck of a low blow to knock Shane to the floor. Shane gets whipped into the barricade but manages a kick to the bad leg to get a breather.
Now we get to the issue with WCW as a whole right now: Douglas pulls out a chain and tries to hide it from the referee, just like wrestlers have been doing for years. However, why should he try to hide the chain? It’s clear that WCW referees aren’t going to call DQ’s unless it’s something major, so why would a chain be anything different? Some suplexes have Flair in trouble but he pops right back up for a pair of low blows. It’s time for the Figure Four but Bagwell and “Sting” come out with “Sting” ball batting Flair to give Shane the pin.
Rating: C-. The match was pretty decent until the end but the story isn’t there. I still don’t know why I’m supposed to be interested in some big challenges that Douglas made back in ECW, but I’m guessing a fan talked about it online somewhere and Russo decided that it was the hottest story in wrestling.
Bagwell and Douglas lay out Flair but he calls out “Russo” (clearly too tall to be under the Sting mask) for their five minute fight. Luger comes out to drag “Sting” to the ring but Russo pops up behind them and nails Luger with the bat. Back inside and “Sting” hits Ric with a miniature Statue of Liberty and it’s…..David Flair. A few bat shots knock Ric silly as Russo does the crotch chop like A MAN would. Nash casually walks down the ramp for the save but Daffney hits him low, allowing David Flair and Russo to stand tall. Yeah we’re supposed to be intimidated by those two and Daffney. She’s the scariest of them all.
We recap Vampiro vs. Sting, which is about both of them being creepy and Vampiro wanting to be what he thinks Sting should be. This would be the third iteration of the exact same idea on this show alone.
Vampiro vs. Sting
They start fighting on the ramp with Sting grabbing a suplex and sending Vampiro into the ring for a missile dropkick. Vampiro falls to the floor and Sting knocks him outside with a plancha. Where has this Sting been for the last three and a half years? A DDT on the floor knocks Vampiro even sillier but he comes back with a low blow. It’s lead pipe time (I feel like I’m watching Clue tonight) and Sting gets knocked up the ramp.
That goes nowhere so they come back in the ring for another pipe shot to Sting’s back. Sting hits him low to break up a hurricanrana and powerbombs Vampiro off the top. A pipe shot to the head doesn’t have much of an effect on Vampiro (this is so goofy at this point) so Sting hits two straight Splashes and Deathdrops for the pin.
Rating: D+. A lead pipe to the head was sold like a right hand to the jaw. That really should be all you need to know on this match. In case you’re keeping track, Vampiro has still only won one time under the new regime and that included Hogan attacking Kidman for two minutes straight. As usual, the old guys get to be superhuman but the young guys are getting a story and that’s supposed to mean something.
Sting hits Vampiro in the head with the pipe again.
David Arquette, dressed as Elvis for a reference from the movie, and Page are ready for the main event. Page tells him to stay away from Jarrett and play defense on the top of the cage near the belt. Don’t grab it though.
Nash is looking for Russo. Again, this should be on a TV show.
Kidman and Bischoff are ready for Hogan. Again, Bischoff went from being terrified of Hogan to volunteering to be guest referee for their match.
You can get a BUFF BAGWELL pennant for purchasing this show. Who thought that was a piece of merchandise that needed to be made?
Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan
At least Kimberly and Torrie are looking great here. Hogan brings out Horace with him for reinforcement. Kidman small packages Hogan on a slam attempt to start but Hogan picks him up by the throat for a crotching on top. Hogan gets a chair and drops Kidman onto it face first, only to have Kidman come back with a hurricanrana.
Hogan really isn’t someone you picture taking hurricanranas that often. A quick beating on the floor goes nowhere so Hogan comes back in for a whipping with the weightlifting belt. Bischoff takes it away as Hudson tries to make sense of the relaxed rules jazz. Kidman whips away with the belt until Hogan wraps it around Kidman’s neck and throws him out to the floor. Hogan whips him into the barricade and Bischoff won’t count. We’re firmly in the old standard book of evil referee tropes.
Kidman comes back with a few shots to take over so Hogan sends him out to the floor again. The brawling by the announcers’ tables goes nowhere so Hogan hits the big boot but Bischoff walks in front of the legdrop. Bischoff gets sent to the floor and Hogan drops the leg. It’s chair time but Hogan tries to bring in a table, which breaks upon contact. Kidman saves Bischoff from going through the table and gets two of his own off a chair shot.
Hogan kicks the chair into Kidman’s face, kicks Bischoff low and powerbombs him through the table. That’s STILL not enough though as Hogan brings in another table, only to get kicked low. Kidman misses a splash through the table and Horace comes in to grab Bischoff’s hand and force the count to give Hulk the pin. There are so many broken tables that you can barely see the ring.
Rating: F+. Well to be fair, Hogan did let Kidman get some totally worthless pinfalls on him (which weren’t really pins) on TV that fewer and fewer people were watching so the completely over the top PPV win was completely justified. Bad match here of course as it was just another brawl in a long series of them since Bischoff and Russo took over.
Russo and Liz run away from Nash.
We recap the World Title match, which resulted in a lot of short title reigns, capped off by David Arquette coming out as champion. I’m moving on before I get even more annoyed.
WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jeff Jarrett
Arquette is defending and this is in the triple cage. It’s three cages on top of each other with the Hell in a Cell on the bottom, then a cage full of weapons on top of that and a small cage called the Guitar Room on top. You have to get on top of the Guitar Room to reach the belt. First person to get to the top and pull the belt down wins.
The cage is lowered and to its credit, it looks amazing. Jarrett chases Arquette to start but Page makes the save instead of going after the belt. Well to be fair he wasn’t that upset when Arquette won it from him last week anyway. A clothesline puts Jarrett down as Arquette stands on the part of the ramp inside the cage. Jeff baseball slides a ladder into Page’s face but Page catapults Jarrett into Arquette.
Page gets pulled face first into the post but comes back by crotching Jeff against it instead. The ladder is set up but Jarrett suplexes Page down. Jarrett is already busted open. Page shoves him off the ladder and is the first man to the hardcore cage, where he has to use bolt cutters to open the door. This is more like an obstacle course than a match. Jarrett follows him up and they’re quickly outside the hardcore cage and on top of the big cage. That’s quite the dangerous spot to be in considering they have all of five feet to fight on.
Back in the hardcore cage and they break the wall down in what I guess is the big spot of the match. Arquette watches from the bottom cage as Page powerslams Jarrett through a table in the hardcore cage. They go back out to the edge and Page elbows him in the jaw to break up an Irish whip. Arquette climbs into the hardcore cage and goes up to the Guitar Room but here’s Mike Awesome out of nowhere to break up a Diamond Cutter.
Arquette grabs a guitar as Page Diamond Cuts Mike. They both head up and Arquette misses a guitar shot, only to have both of them fall down to the roof of the hardcore cage. Both guys get back up and, say it with me, Arquette turns on Page to give Jarrett the title back.
Rating: C+. This wasn’t the worst match in the world actually, stupid ending aside. That last part is where it falls apart though: the Arquette stuff in here really didn’t need to exist. Let him be a second or a cheerleader or something but there’s no need to have him in the match itself. When you can eliminate something from a match and have it be the exact same thing, you can tell it’s a bad idea. The match itself was fun and unfortunately they never went back to this idea again (at least not in this form) because the company never had the chance again, which is kind of a shame as it’s a cool idea.
Post match here’s Kanyon to save Page from an Awesome Bomb, only to be thrown off the top of the Cell and through the ramp. The announcers scream that he’s broken his back in the shock value moment of the show, which of course is being held in the same arena where Owen Hart fell. Russo: “BUT PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT IT!” Yes they did Russo, just like when you get fired because people stopped watching your garbage.
Overall Rating: D. Let’s get the good out of the way first: this was a major improvement over the mess of Spring Stampede. It’s so much better to have ten matches spaced over two hours and fifty minutes instead of fourteen matches over about two hour and a half hours. It’s a big upgrade and the show had a much better structure overall.
Now that being said, the show still sucked because Russo has overbooked the heck out of it. Almost every match had a brawl on the floor or interference or cheating. It’s fine to have something like that a few times a match but when you have it every single time, it gets old fast. There comes a point where you stop watching the match and start waiting for the interference or cheating, which defeats the purpose of the match itself.
Overall though, this company is drowning under the one major idea. This system has almost never worked but for some reason wrestling companies keep running with them. It boils down to one problem: if you don’t like the one idea, there’s no point to watching the show. You can have one dominant story, but mix in a few other things that are disconnected to it as it keeps the fans around to see that instead of waiting on the major story to be over. This isn’t the worst show ever, but they still need to make a lot of tweaks to get this company to work again.
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