Thunder
Date: May 3, 2000
Location: Mid-South Coliseum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,979
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Slamboree and David Arquette is still World Champion. They’ve done a horrible job of setting up the triple cage match as the gimmick has barely been mentioned outside of a video on it early in the buildup. Instead it’s all about David Arquette, who wouldn’t prove to be the strongest draw. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The Millionaire’s Club and others (including Hugh Morrus) are outside waiting on the New Blood. Another car comes up and the low level New Blood members get jumped.

After a Slamboree ad, Russo and Bischoff yell at the rest of the team for not protecting them. So…..this is going to be one of those shows about the two of them.

Here’s the New Blood for a chat. Oh yeah it’s a one note show. Russo immediately calls out the Millionaire’s Club and gets his wish, plus pretty much every other face on the roster. Tonight he wants the Club destroyed so he’s going to throw their names in a hat and let each member of the New Blood pull one out. Well it’s official: the booking is now pulling names out of a hat.

As for tonight, it’s New York Rules: no referees or referees whatsoever. It’s Russo’s dream show: no wrestling and just all out carnage. It’s like he doesn’t have to do anything at all! Flair loves the idea and promises to take it to Russo tonight. A brawl ensues with Russo and Bischoff running off with Liz. Wait wasn’t she freed on Monday?

Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Kanyon

Before the match, Kimberly grabs a mic and says that Bischoff has shown her the light: Page is a bar bouncing bum from nowheresville and he’s just a wrestling mark. Cue Kanyon to start the brawl in the aisle as the announcers explain that you count your own pins here. Jeff takes over by dropping Kanyon across the barricade and kneeing him in the face. Back in and Jarrett walks into a Russian legsweep, followed by a top rope Fameasser.

They head back outside with Jarrett sending him into the steps and over the barricade. A chair shot to the back staggers Kanyon but he grabs a neckbreaker back inside. Cue DDP’s music and what felt like some clipping. Like, his music hit and then he was just in the ring almost instantly. A Diamond Cutter to Jarrett lets Kanyon count his pin.

Rating: D. From what I can find online, the reason for the clipping was due to Page hitting Kimberly with a guitar when she tried to interfere, which also explains why he came out when Kanyon was in control. As for the match, it was pretty much the same thing WCW has been doing for weeks now because referees haven’t meant a thing for a long time. They just brawled for a little while and then had interference as always. It’s pretty telling that it doesn’t seem any different when the rules are thrown out. How screwy has this place been if chaos feels like the norm?

Wall picks out his name.

The Wall vs. Total Package

Tables match because of course it is. Russo comes out with Liz because this show is all about him. It also allows Wall to get in some cheap shots but that’s just a nice effect. Cue Ric Flair to sit in on commentary and promise to keep Russo out of things. Luger gets kneed in the ribs and stopped with a backbreaker. That’s about it for Wall on offense though as Luger comes back with every single standard Luger move that you’ve ever seen.

They fight outside with Luger yelling at Russo, allowing Wall to get in a shot from behind. Wall and Luger head back inside as Russo hits Flair with the bat. Now how did he not see that coming? Luger Racks Wall but Russo hits Luger with the back as well, making Luger drop Wall through the table for the win. In the match with no rules but a tables stipulation which I guess you call yourself.

Rating: D. It’s a Russo night for sure. Here we have another tables match for Wall and he loses again because that’s all he does after weeks of being built up as an unstoppable monster. That’s the logical progression right? Unstoppable to loser in the span of a month? In Russo’s booking, that’s slow motion.

Russo asks Flair if he wants a match now. Flair gets inside and Russo hides behind Liz, only to get kicked low. Flair puts on the Figure Four but Douglas and Bagwell make the save, only to be beaten down by Kronik. This brings out Kidman, who drew Flair’s name.

Ric Flair vs. Kidman

This is joined in progress with Flair punching away in the corner. Tony: “If you’re keeping score at home and I know that you are.” You have to be at this point. Kidman gets in a few shots of his own and superplexes Flair. They fight near a table at ringside but save it for later. A slingshot legdrop keeps Flair in trouble but Kidman’s top rope splash completely misses.

Cue Konnan and Mysterio to beat down Flair but here’s Nash to probably beat them down and shave their heads with one arm tied behind his back and two broken legs. Kidman runs as Konnan gets Jackknifed, only to have Hogan knock Kidman off the stage. I’m assuming the match is thrown out.

Mike Awesome runs to the ring but gets double teamed by Nash and Hogan. That really shouldn’t surprise you as he might make them break a sweat and must be destroyed immediately. Nash Jackknifes Awesome and declares Awesome the winner due to outside interference.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Vampiro

Sting jumps Vampiro from behind, beats him up, covers him in blood and throws him in for the Diamond Cutter in less than a minute.

The New Blood is all shook up.

The Millionaire’s Club on the other hand is rather pleased.

Mike Awesome vs. Sting

Now normally this would be an interesting match. Here I’ll be shocked if it goes three minutes before someone interferes. Awesome sells the Jackknife on the way to the ring. Mike is right on Sting when he gets to the ring and slams him down, followed by a splash for two. Sting fights back and knocks Awesome to the floor, where the Misfits In Action jump the barricade and beat him up. Back in and the Stinger Splash and Scorpion make Awesome tap. What a way for a face to get a win.

Scott Steiner is the last New Blood guy to go tonight so Russo tells him to make it work. Steiner says he’s doing this for himself.

Scott Steiner vs. Hulk Hogan

Non-title. This should have headlined a pay per view. The announcers are shocked that Steiner is calling Hogan out, even though Hogan is the only Millionaire left. Steiner promises to go see Hogan’s wife after the show. Not even Steiner is that crazy. Steiner is on Hogan as he gets in the ring but Hulk comes back with right hands and a clothesline. They fight into the crowd where Hugh Morrus shows up to help Hogan. Back in the ring and Steiner calls in the troops but no one comes to help him and Scott walks for the countout.

Steiner swears a lot in the back and chokes Russo and Bischoff.

A new limo pulls up with FUNB on the license plate.

Kronik vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Wait is this a title match? Also there better not be a single tag in this whole thing. It’s a brawl to start with Douglas doing a reverse Hennig neck snap on Adams. Douglas gets caught in something like an F5 but Adams puts him down in more like a DDT instead of a full body plant. Clark side slams Bagwell in the ring but Buff comes back with the Blockbuster (Tony: “Whatever it is.”). Adams makes the save and it’s High Times for the pin. Tony: “Are they the champions? We might have to wait until Slamboree to find out!”

Rating: D. I’m going to assume Kronik didn’t win the titles here because that would be one of the more logical things WCW could do and logic has no place in WCW these days. Bagwell and Douglas are such lame champions that I often forget they even have the titles. This was one of the more coherent matches of the night so far and it really wasn’t very good.

Bischoff says he has an idea.

Here’s the New Blood in the ring, all armed with weapons. Bischoff gets right to the point and asks if the fans want guerrilla warfare. Cue Flair and the Millionaire’s Club so Bischoff asks if they want an 11 on 11 man war. Flair says the Club has nothing left to prove tonight but if Bischoff wants to make it a battle royal for the World Title shot at the Great American Bash, so be it.

Battle Royal

Ric Flair, Sting, Brian Adams, Bryan Clark, Horace Hogan, Diamond Dallas Page, Hugh Morrus, Kanyon, Total Package, Curt Hennig, Hulk Hogan, Shawn Stasiak, Jeff Jarrett, Vampiro, Mike Awesome, Scott Steiner, Buff Bagwell, Shane Douglas, Chris Candido, Kidman, The Wall, The Cat

It’s a huge brawl to start of course and there are no referees so I guess we’re going on the honor system. We’re nearly three minutes in now and here come Konnan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Disco Inferno, Johnny the Bull, Big Vito, the Harris Twins, Norman Smiley and all three members of Harlem Heat to get us up to thirty two people in the ring at once.

Horace is the first man eliminated and there are now referees on the floor because WCW can’t keep its rules straight for a whole night. Tank Abbott slowly comes to the ring as Flair is on the floor hitting Shane with a pipe. You would think they would eliminate a few people here but that’s too complicated around here. Kanyon gets backdropped out and there’s still no way to do any play by play with thirty people in the ring. Stasiak dumps Hennig and the ring is still so full that almost no one can move.

Kronik is eliminated at the same time off camera and we take a break. Back with the ring still crowded but a little bit better. I’m not even going to try to figure out who was eliminated during the break as most of these guys have no chance anyway. Some of the bigger names have weapons to make it even more complicated. Luger, Bagwell, Sting and Vampiro go out but keep brawling on the floor.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Lash Leroux came in at some point and eliminate Vito. Big T. and Van Hammer go out but Asya and Madusa come out to take their places. Mona comes in to join them as the people are starting to get tired. Cue Jim Duggan of all people as the women and a man we couldn’t see are put out. Duggan eliminates Bigelow and the Cat with the 2×4. Smiley and Tank are knocked out as well but Duggan eliminates himself due to high levels of stupid.

So we have Flair, Awesome, Stasiak, Candido, Kidman, Hogan, Jarrett, Douglas, Wall and Page in the ring. That’s not enough though as we cut to the FUNB limo and see a pair of boots get out. Naturally the camera just shows boots and we go to a wide shot to show the boots walking on the video screen. The boots make it to the entrance and it’s…..RANDY SAVAGE. He fires ax handles to the New Blood and puts out Stasiak, Wall and Awesome in about ten seconds.

Candido is tossed a few seconds later but Savage drops to the floor to go after him. I guess that’s an elimination. Page Cactus Clotheslines Jarrett to the floor to leave us with Hogan, Flair, Douglas and Kidman. They pair off and here’s Bret Hart with a chair to blast Hogan, knocking him through the ropes to the floor. So through the ropes counts? Then why are Flair and Douglas still in? Could it be because the script didn’t call for them to be eliminated earlier and rules can be twisted to suit Russo’s grand vision?

Bret walks out so it’s Flair and Douglas as Kidman is backdropped out. Flair puts Shane in the Figure Four but here’s Russo with the ball bat…..and he accidentally hits Douglas. I guess being the manliest man that ever lived doesn’t include hand eye coordination. Flair uses the bat to knock Shane out for the win and the title shot.

Rating: D. You know what this had me thinking of? The South Park episode where it wound up in a massive lawsuit with everyone vs. everyone. It’s total anarchy and you lose track of what’s going on. The match started with 22 people and that had nearly doubled with all the people coming in. How am I supposed to care about any of this or let it have any kind of an impact, especially with most of the match consisting of people not being able to move due to the ring being crowded? This is Russo’s deal: take away any form of storytelling and just throw them all out there. Such great writing. The big surprises helped but it was too late.

Post match Hogan gets on the steps to suplex Kidman through the announcers’ table but Bischoff hits the knee with a ball bat to knock Hogan through it instead. Bischoff counts a three and raises Kidman’s hand because that’s supposed to mean something. Yeah it’s symbolism or something but it’s still stupid.

We’re STILL not done though as Jarrett and Page climb up the scaffold. The camera cuts to Savage helping Hogan up and they do the handshake. We cut back to Page, who apparently was knocked off the scaffold and through a table. Tony, in a totally calm and rational voice: “Page has been knocked off the scaffolding. We’ll see what this means at Slamboree.” Just like that. No emotion, no worry, nothing.

The worst part is that wasn’t even the original planned ending. From what I’ve found, Arquette was supposed to hit Jarrett with the guitar and knock him through the stage. However, Asya accidentally stepped through the gimmicked part of the stage and Arquette fell in later, leaving Page to take an unscripted bump through a table. Only in WCW. I mean ONLY in WCW. Who else could screw up something that badly?

Overall Rating: F+. It’s another night of non-wrestling with a bunch of short matches that they drew out of a hat. If that’s not enough, the last half hour of the show was just taking almost the entire roster and throwing them into one match with no build. As I’ve said, Russo is the laziest writer I’ve ever seen as his stories revolve around the idea that everything is all over the place with no structure or build to anything. This didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show and felt like something you put on when you forgot you had a show to put on. Bad wrestling, bad writing, bad execution, bad everything this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #238
Date: May 1, 2000
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex
Attendance: 3,635
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re officially in the David Arquette era here and people are talking about it in USA Today! Unfortunately they weren’t watching the show as this week’s ratings dropped down half a point but why should something like that get in the way of Russo’s grand vision? It’s also the go home show for Slamboree, which may or may not be an even bigger disaster than Spring Stampede. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Thunder’s title change. It says a lot when we’re a week removed from a World Title change and it’s already old news.

Opening sequence.

Page, Kanyon and Arquette arrive at the building but the New Blood is waiting on them. Cue Hogan in his car, which is driven into the side of the New Blood’s limo. A brawl ensues. This is another example of WCW trying to turn Hogan into Austin despite the two being about as different as any two people can be.

The announcers discuss the new World Champion with Madden burying the whole idea. I’ve never agreed with him more.

David Arquette is on the set of 3000 Miles to Graceland where his wife Courtney Cox tells him to stop pretending to be a wrestler. David: “Is that any way to talk to the heavyweight champion of the world?” Shoot me now. Or make me watch Ready to Rumble. I’m not sure which is worse.

Crowbar vs. Norman Smiley/???

Smiley has a fat mystery partner here and he stays a mystery by wearing hockey gear. Crowbar goes after Smiley to start and the partner stands there, making me think it’s Ralphus (there are only so many people with that kind of a gut). They fight over a trashcan before going outside with Crowbar getting in some trashcan lid shots to keep control.

As this exact same weapons match that we’ve seen a dozen times continues to bore the crowd to death, Tony and Scott argue over whether or not the mystery partner is the Shockmaster. Tony sounding sick at his stomach at Shockmaster’s name being mentioned is funny stuff. Crowbar goes after the mystery partner, allowing Norman to get in some shots with a trashcan lid. Norman gets it kicked back into his face though, allowing Crowbar to drop a splash from the apron for two.

Back inside and Crowbar’s suicide dive hits a chair. See, that’s totally different than a trashcan lid because it’s a different kind of metal weapon. Totally not the same thing. Norman’s Big Wiggle is broken up with a low blow so Crowbar does the Wiggle behind the mystery partner.

Smiley hits Crowbar in the back with the kendo stick, knocking Crowbar into a suggestive position behind the mystery partner, of course setting up the Big Wiggle from Norman. SEE! IT’S FUNNY! Back in and the mystery partner tries to do something, only to get kicked in the stomach. Norman crotches Crowbar on top though and tries a belly to back superplex, only to have Crowbar roll over for two. Crowbar grabs a rollup but Norman rolls through into a rollup of his own for the pin

Rating: D-. So far on this show, we’ve had Hulk Hogan as a crazy driver trying to kill people, a discussion of David Arquette winning the WCW World Title and ANOTHER lame hardcore match between comedy wrestlers because “well it worked in the WWF so let’s do the exact same thing here!”. I’m sick of this stupid division with its horribly repetitive nonsense and now we’re having matches not even for the title. Why do I have a feeling this show is only going to get worse?

The announcers talk about Arquette winning again with Tony calling it a great moment in sports entertainment. I know this is covering a lot of ground, but that might be the dumbest thing that Tony Schiavone has ever said.

Back to Arquette and Cox from presumably earlier today. David isn’t worried when Kurt Russell comes up. He and Courtney need to go off and do their adult  love scene. Kurt laughs off the idea of David being the World Champion so Arquette goes after him with a chair. Courtney: “YOU’RE NOT A WRESTLER!”

Shawn Stasiak is in a gym shooting a basketball. Tonight he’s going to prove he’s more than just a wrestler…….by breaking a free throw record. So, YET AGAIN, this is something that makes no sense if you weren’t watching the other company about ten years ago. Otherwise, you’re looking at a wrestler who hasn’t done much in this company proving that he can shoot a basketball.

This is a moment where the most basic question about wrestling booking should be asked: how is this going to make someone want to watch our next show or buy a ticket to come see us? We’re watching someone shooting a basketball, a minute after two actors made fun of the World Champion for not being a wrestler. How is this supposed to make me want to keep watching this show? Because it was something Curt Hennig did in a series of vignettes in another company ten or eleven years ago? If this is the best they can come up with, quit now.

Here are Arquette, Page and Kanyon with something to say. Arquette is so thankful for the fans’ reception (ignore the booing I guess) but he doesn’t deserve the title and is going to vacate it so Page and Jarrett can fight for it on Sunday. This brings out Jarrett, Bischoff and Russo, with Liz, with Jeff saying Arquette doesn’t get to just drop the title like that.

Bischoff says that Arquette became a sports entertainer (yes a sports entertainer) when he got in the ring on Thunder. So what was he when he got in the ring with Bischoff last Monday? Or can Bischoff not remember that far back? This Sunday, it’s a three way in the cage, because DAVID ARQUETTE is now the big draw instead of a triple cage, which has been ignored for most of the build towards the pay per view.

Cue Luger to go after Russo to get Liz back because this segment doesn’t have enough going on yet. Bischoff isn’t done yet either and makes Arquette vs. Tank Abbott for later tonight. Tank comes out and wants to fight now but Page gets in his way. They brawl until Tank challenges Page to a fight tonight. If he wins, he gets Arquette. Page says deal.

Luger is still looking for Russo.

Stasiak is still shooting. Alone, as in most attempts at a record.

Bischoff puts Hugh Morrus in a three way with Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. If any of Hugh’s Misfits in Action interfere, they’re all fired.

The Wall vs. Horace Hogan

It’s a tables match just because. They slug it out to start but here’s Miss Hancock to watch the match. To be fair she’s more interesting than anything in the ring. Horace actually gets the better of it with a neckbreaker and DDT, as he does in almost all of his matches that he’s going to wind up losing. It’s already table time but Kidman comes out for a distraction, allowing Wall to chokeslam Horace for the win.

Post match Hulk comes in but Mike Awesome jumps him from behind. Kidman and Wall come back in for a 3-1 beatdown and it’s table time again. So soon? Hogan gets off the table (off camera because WCW) and loads up Awesome for a superplex, only to be sunset bombed through the table instead.

Vampiro is in a graveyard and asks Sting to come and play. Curiosity killed the scorpion after all. My curiosity is why Hogan’s music could be heard in a graveyard, especially when it wasn’t playing in the arena.

Russo drags Liz to the ring and challenges Luger to come face him later. Luger is the Total Package, but that doesn’t compare to being the TOTAL MAN that Vince Russo is.

Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Non-title. Steiner stops to yell at a fan who has a Big Papa Pump Sucks sign. It’s a big beatdown on Morrus to start and Steiner adds the spinning belly to belly. Jeff covers but Scott breaks it up and starts an argument. The Stroke is broken up and Steiner suplexes Jeff, only to be clotheslined down by Morrus. No Laughing Matter misses and it’s time for the Steiner Recliner, only to have Jarrett bash Scott with the guitar. Jeff stops to pose, allowing Morrus to drape an arm over Steiner for the pin.

Lash and Chavo come out to celebrate as the New Blood…..lets them.

Sting goes walking through the graveyard as Morrus’ music plays. How he knew which graveyard to go to or how he got there in about ten minutes isn’t explained.

Bischoff fires the Misfits in Action except Lash, who is too stupid to know what fired means. Ok then.

Back in the graveyard and Sting has found Vampiro. Vampiro hits him with a shovel and knocks him into a grave. He loads up a tombstone (as in an actual stone) but stops when Sting asks what Vampiro is. Vampiro says he’s the monster Sting should be and hits him in the head with a tombstone. Vampiro adds a wheelbarrow and leaves. Sting’s hand pops out of the grave about five seconds later, because Russo can’t even wait on DEATH.

Luger is posing in front of a mirror and Flair worships him ala Heenan at Wrestlemania IX.

Tank Abbott vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Page gets punched a lot to start but survives a big right hand. They fight to the floor with Tank dominating, but let’s cut to the back because that’s what we do around here. In this case it’s Kanyon and Arquette locked in their dressing room, leaving them unable to come and help Page. Back in the arena and Jarrett sneaks out of the crowd to hit Page with a bottle. Tank hits Page in the back of the head with a right hand…..and that’s a knockout on the floor with no count. So you don’t even need a ring to win a wrestling match these days.

Page is stretchered out.

Hogan brawls with Awesome.

Here’s Kidman to soak in the praise for beating up Hogan. Hulk is all old and washed up, just like Kevin Nash. He promises not to talk anymore but then issues an open challenge. Nash is in the back and gets a pep talk from Terry Taylor of all people, meaning it’s time to go to the ring. Well Nash was in the Red and Black and Taylor was the Red Rooster so they must be related somehow.

Nash comes down to the ring and knocks Kidman across the ring with a single knee to the ribs. The big elbows have Kidman rocked in the corner but here are Konnan and Rey Mysterio to take out Nash’s knee. Kevin fights off the lowly cruiserweights and chases Konnan and Rey to the back. They jump into a waiting truck…..which can’t go anywhere because fans are waiting on them. Nash pulls them both out and beats them up again.

Russo brings Liz out again and promises to interfere on Sunday so he can beat up Flair. If Luger wins their match tonight, Luger can have the key to Liz. So she’s a door or a treasure chest? Luger and Flair come out but Bagwell and Douglas take Ric out. Security goes after Luger and maces him, allowing the Tag Team Champions to lay him out even more. Liz hits Russo with the bat and runs away, leaving Kronik to come out and destroy everyone.

Arquette wants to give the title back but Kanyon says it doesn’t work. Kanyon goes off to take care of something.

Nash is still beating up Mysterio and Konnan but stops to break the truck’s window with a crowbar.

Kronik is arrested.

Here’s Vampiro in the ring because BURYING A MAN ALIVE isn’t enough for one week. He talks about being the monster that Sting should have been but the lights go out. A crow is in the entrance but Sting repels down and beats up Vampiro with the bat.

Stasiak is still shooting.

Russo yells at Liz so she slaps him. That means she won and Russo leaves. So Russo is a MAN who likes strong women? Who will likely join him later on so Russo can get the girl?

WCW World Title: Tank Abbott vs. David Arquette

We’re really here. This isn’t a dream, it’s not a nightmare (ok it is), and this is supposed to be their big idea to get people to care, despite the fact that it looks like a recycled Friends plot…….and oh my goodness it is. One time on Friends, Monica’s (played by Courtney Cox-ARQUETTE) boyfriend fought TANK ABBOTT in a UFC fight. When I typed up the recycled Friends part, I meant it as a joke but that’s what they’re really doing. This isn’t a similarity. This isn’t close enough that it could be seen either way. This story is a copy of a Friends plot that aired three years earlier. So not only is Russo horrible, but he’s also plagiarizing.

Kanyon tries to slip David some brass knuckles but gets ejected. Tank throws Arquette into the corner and grabs him by the neck but lets him go. Abbott slams him down again and punches out the ref for no logical reason. Page’s music comes on and we see Bischoff sending Jarrett to the ring. Back in the ring and we see Page Diamond Cutting Abbott to keep the title on Arquette. Build Abbott for weeks, feed him to David Arquette. Somehow, that might not be the least insane thing on this show.

We cut to the back to see that Steiner has knocked Jarrett out.

Hennig breaks up the free throw record with one shot to go. Much like with the graveyard: how did Hennig know which gym to go to?

Hulk Hogan vs. Mike Awesome

Hogan attacks to start as the announcers hype up the idea that this is Terry Bollea. A big clothesline puts Hogan on the floor and Mike hammers away up against the barricade. Back in and a top rope clothesline gets two. That’s enough selling for Hogan as he comes back with a lame chair shot to the head and another one to the back. He chokes Mike with the weightlifting belt, followed by Awesome choking him against the barricade.

Hogan suplexes Mike on the floor and chokes even more as the announcers are admitting that this isn’t wrestling. Awesome’s chair shots stagger Hogan and they go inside for Mike’s slingshot splash for two. Hulk no sells it again and hammers away but Kidman comes in. That earns him a chair to the back as well, which draws in Bischoff. Kidman chairs Hogan off the top and Hogan puts his hand to his forehead and rakes a razor over the skin in the most obvious bladejob in the history of this business. Back in and Awesome gets the pin.

Rating: D. Why does Hogan keep getting the longest matches on Nitro? Is it in his contract or something? They were very smart to keep this as a brawl instead of making us sit through another Hogan “wrestling” exhibition. I can’t imagine Awesome’s career gets much higher than this in WCW as he’s already won a major match and that’s enough for some young diamond level prospect.

Hogan beats up Kidman, Awesome and the referee with the chair. A fan runs in but the bloodbath falls on Hogan, drawing in the New Blood for the beatdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. In addition to the plot revolving around a free throw shooting record (which you can apparently tie in about an hour and a half), Ralphus as a hockey mascot, Nash destroying the returning Konnan and Mysterio in short order, a burial that lasted about an hour, the recycled Friends plot line (I can’t get over that) that saw Tank Abbott get pinned by David Arquette and most of the matches not even breaking three minutes, a good chunk of Sunday’s card wasn’t touched on.

Sunday’s card has ten matches. Five of them got time tonight: Funk vs. Crowbar/mystery partner (that’s a stretch), Stasiak vs. Hennig, Sting vs. Vampiro, Hogan vs. Kidman and the three way for the title. The other five range from not enough time to fit onto the show to not announced yet to dropped for the sake of an unrelated story involving Vince Russo.

This show failed on almost every imaginable level. Russo is somehow getting worse week by week and it’s getting even more difficult to sit through these things. I’m not even sure what the main story is supposed to be. Is it Kidman and company vs. Hogan or Russo and Bischoff’s shenanigans or maybe the World Title feud? I’ve lost track of anything this company might be doing and I’m really not sure how they’re supposed to, but in this case it might actually get a bit better in a week once the title changes hands. For the fourth time in three weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: April 26, 2000
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 1,269
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

Before we get to perhaps the most humiliating moment in wrestling history, I need to know how you only get 1,200 people to a TV taping in 2000. Less than two weeks earlier, ECW drew 1,700 at the house show where Taz returned and won the World Title. The company is on the brink of a free fall and tonight it goes over the edge. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday. I wouldn’t bring up that show under most circumstances but tonight it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Eric Bischoff, Kimberly and Jeff Jarrett drag David Arquette into the building. They drag Arquette into the arena and Jarrett slaps on a choke while ranting about how this is Jeff’s world. Cue Page and Kanyon but Jarrett stops them with the threat of even more violence to Arquette. Well who in the world would want to see that? Tonight it’s about the revenge of the New Blood and here are the magic words: Jarrett wants a tag match for the World Title with Page/Arquette vs. Jarrett/Bischoff where the man who gets the fall is the champion.

We see Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas standing at the entrance to keep Page and Kanyon from doing anything but Team Package comes in to take them out. Kanyon chases the male villains off and Page almost gives Kimberly the Diamond Cutter but lets her go instead. That earns him a low blow because Kimberly is smarter than Page is. So why does Jarrett want a tag match instead of like a 15-1 handicap match where only he can get the pin? Or why not have Arquette defend the title in Page’s place? As usual, the script wanting one thing and ignoring plot holes or stupid thinking to get there.

The Cat is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow.

Arquette and company are in the boiler room. Again I ask: does no one watch the show and know where this is happening? Or can’t they find where the camera cable is going to make the save?

Recap of Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Cat.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Cat

Before we get going, Cat asks Bigelow for some mercy for what he did. After Bigelow attacked him at Spring Stampede, Cat had to do something. Bigelow thinks about it but Cat goes on too long (shocking I know) and insults Bigelow’s mama. Bigelow destroys him for a few moments and here’s Miss Hancock to scout. It’s chair time but the referee takes it away, allowing Cat to hit a Feliner for the pin in just over a minute.

Bigelow beats up Cat after the match because that kick was just enough to put him down for three. Keep in mind that it was literally the only offense Cat had.

Kidman and Torrie arrive. Thanks for showing up fifteen minutes into a two hour show.

Page keeps looking for Arquette.

The New Blood keeps yelling at Arquette. I was twelve years old when this show took place and I have the same question now that I had back then: why should I care about David Arquette? I hadn’t seen any of the Scream movies at this point and the only movie he’s been in other than that by 2000 that I’ve heard of is Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a supporting role. Unless I’m missing something big, he seems like a middle of the road comedy actor who they’re treating like Tom Cruise.

Chris Kanyon vs. Shawn Stasiak

Curt Hennig is out to do commentary as Shawn takes over early on. Kanyon comes back with his own basic stuff but gets caught in a fireman’s carry slam (almost an AA). Shawn takes too long posing though and gets rolled up for two, with Hennig getting in some lines about Stasiak not being very perfect. Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker but Stasiak pounds him down in the corner. Instead of following up though it’s time to go outside and yell at Hennig for a bit. Back in and Curt sneaks up to the apron for a shot to the head, setting up That’s A Wrap to give Kanyon the pin.

Hennig chases Stasiak off as Mike Awesome comes to the ring to fight Kanyon. Mike gets the better of it and powerbombs Kanyon onto the announcers’ table before going after Hennig in the ring. Stasiak gets back up but Page runs in to give him a Diamond Cutter. Jarrett’s challenge for tonight is accepted.

Here’s Kidman with his ribs heavily taped and something to say. We see some clips (in black and white for some reason) of Kidman putting Hulk through a table on Monday. Marc Mero is at ringside in front of a bunch of empty seats. Kidman takes full credit for putting Hogan in the hospital on Monday and FINALLY explains the flea market comment. It only took them two and a half weeks. Kidman issues an open challenge and Torrie promises a kiss of death to the loser.

Kidman vs. Horace Hogan

Hogan comes out to American Made to tease the fans even more. Kidman gets crotched to start and drops him throat first across the barricade. Back in and a boot to the face drops Kidman again but he goes after Horace’s injured knee to take over. A hurricanrana puts Horace down as Heenan is thrilled about Hulk being in the hospital. Some things will never get old and Heenan hating Hulk is one of them.

Kidman goes up top but takes too long putting his hands to his ears, allowing Horace to avoid the top rope splash. A powerslam keeps the ribs in trouble but here’s Bischoff to ringside. Horace powerbombs Kidman clean and gets a chair but opts for a chokebomb instead. Now it’s table time but Torrie grabs Horace between the legs, allowing Bischoff to hit Hogan with a chair. Kidman bulldogs Horace off the apron and through the table, leaving Bischoff to count the pin on the floor.

Rating: C-. This was way better than it had any right to be but the stupid ending holds it back. Kidman is on fire right now but you know as well as I do that there’s almost no chance of Hulk putting him over on pay per view, making this whole thing almost totally worthless. At least Torrie looked great here.

Here’s Tank Abbott for his now twice a week call out of Goldberg. Well Ghostberg according to him. Abbott teases going after the announcers but stops at Marc Mero. Mero’s trainer gets in the ring and Mero comes in for the save, leading to a brawl with security making the save. That’s about it for Mero in WCW.

Page finds Arquette. That’s kind of a worthless story then.

Sting vs. The Wall

Tables match and Sting hasn’t washed the blood off himself yet. Sting hammers away, knocks Wall to the apron, escapes a powerslam, tries and botches a sunset bomb and the tries it again to put Wall through the table in less than a minute and a half.

Post match here’s the New Blood but Sting fights them off and gives Vampiro a Stinger Splash. Again, the New Blood looks completely inept.

Here are Russo/Bagwell/Douglas with something to say. Russo rips on the Rochester crowd because he’s not bright enough to remember that they’re in Syracuse. Buff says the same stuff he’s said about Luger for years and Shane says the same stuff he’s said about Flair for years, but at least Shane says this is a shoot. I’m sure the 24 people in the audience who know what that word means are WAY more into this now.

Cue Team Package and Flair has the microphone. Russo has some Power Plant guys guard the ring but Flair says he’s just here to talk. Hogan is the white collar champion (oh here we go) and Russo is disrespecting the legends. Flair, Sting and Luger have been going since 1985 (more like 1988 for Sting) and Russo is a mark for them. As for Douglas, the only franchise around here is Sting. Until Shane wrestles the list of men that Flair has wrestled over the years, he’ll never be Ric Flair.

If any of the three of them want to come at Team Package, they better have some, ahem, fortitude. On top of that, Flair wants a deal at Slamboree: if Russo interferes, Flair gets five minutes alone with him. Awesome speech. Now watch how Russo wastes the whole thing. Russo: “This is the part where I’m supposed to be a chicken heel.”

Russo guarantees Flair that he has big apples but Luger cuts him off and says he has Bagwell at Slamboree. Because THAT match hasn’t been done enough yet. Russo rips on the Lex Express for another reference that has nothing to do with this show. Apparently WCW owns Liz’s contract so she is going to be with Russo from now on. Security goes after her and gets beaten down, allowing Russo to kidnap Liz.

So, again, Flair does something great but Russo insists on making it all about him and how much of a MAN he is while he gets to leave with the girl because he’s such a MAN that he deserves the woman in the story. What’s the point in Flair or anybody for that matter doing something around Russo and Bischoff if the bosses are going to immediately turn it into their favor and no sell the whole thing? Hogan did it a few years back and now Bischoff and Russo are doing the exact thing. This is the kind of stuff that makes it hard to watch WCW because there’s no reason to hope it’s going to go anywhere.

Liz is put in the backseat of a car and taken away.

Paisley vs. Tammy

After Tammy takes forever to disrobe, Tony flat out says this is going to be a catfight. They slowly do bad “moves” to each other and it turns into a catfight until Tammy goes to the eyes. Tammy chokes with something and Candido chokes on the middle rope. A Stunner puts Paisley down but Tammy stops to dive on Candido, Artist and the referee at ringside. Back in and Paisley gets two off a handspring elbow. Tammy tries a northern lights suplex but gets countered into what was supposed to be a DDT for the pin.

Rating: F. These two should go learn something from the Bellas. The twins are roughly a thousand times better than these two and it’s probably a lot bigger gap than that. Total disaster here and neither of the two of them belong anywhere near the inside of a wrestling ring. This was horrible.

Candido and Tammy clean house post match.

Booker is in the back with Gene when one of Scott Steiner’s women comes in to ask what Booker plans to do against that guy from the indy circuit Mike Awesome.

Arquette wants to fight in the tag match.

Mike Awesome vs. Booker T.

Steiner comes out with his women to do commentary. Booker grabs a headlock to start but Awesome muscles him over into a belly to belly. Steiner talks about Hogan clinging to a spot, which has to mean a bald spot. There’s a spinwheel kick to put Mike down again and they head outside with Booker staying in control. Awesome comes back by sending him hard into the steps and hitting a top rope clothesline for two. He makes that look WAY too easy.

We hit the chinlock on Booker as Heenan starts sucking up to Steiner like only Heenan can do. Tony starts fearing for his life and begs anyone to talk about the match with him. Booker comes back with the kicks and a Spinarooni before going up top, only to have Steiner nail him in the back with the US Title. The Awesome Bomb is enough to give Mike the pin.

Rating: C. Awesome continues to look great and Booker is Booker, making this one of the better matches Thunder has produced in several weeks. Steiner at ringside was fine and the interference made sense for a change so I really don’t have many complaints here. I’m not sure how to react to something like that.

Steiner puts Booker in the Recliner but Chavo Guerrero, Hugh Morrus, Lash Leroux and Van Hammer make the save. The four of them plus Booker easily clean house and stand tall.

Scott Hudson has a sitdown interview with Bret Hart. Hudson asks about Bret attacking Hogan on Monday and Bret accuses Hulk of ducking him. That’s the only reason they’ve never fought. I know their match back in 1998 on Nitro was nothing great but that’s no excuse to forget about it. Hogan was willing to accept the torch from Andre but he never was willing to hand it off to Bret back in the WWF. What’s with all the references to 1993 tonight?

Hart may not be in WCW much longer due to his injuries, including a concussion. After a clip of the Goldberg kick, Hart promises to do more to make Hogan pay, but promises to put him in the Sharpshooter. This was really just a way of reminding us that Bret Hart is still alive.

WCW World Title: Diamond Dallas Page/David Arquette vs. Eric Bischoff/Jeff Jarrett

Let’s get this over with. Page is defending and whoever gets the fall is the champion. We’re not overbooked enough yet so here’s Kimberly to be guest referee. It’s a big brawl to start with the non-wrestlers fighting in the aisle. Page gets a neckbreaker so Kimberly counts one but stops due to a broken nail. A Batista Bomb gets a similar result before Kimberly counts very fast for Jeff’s rollup.

Here comes Bischoff, who says that Arquette is all done. Bischoff gets the tag as they’re actually trying to make this a match. The canned DDP chants come up as Jeff hammers on the champ in the corner. Page fights back and takes down both guys as Arquette comes back. Everything breaks down and Page kisses Kimberly for no apparent reason. Arquette spears Bischoff down as Jarrett hits Page with the title. We get a double cover and another referee comes in to count the pin on Bischoff, making Arquette the World Champion. Page is totally cool with losing the title.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to give this a rating because the rating for this doesn’t exist. I know there are other options out there and some people disagree, but this is the lowest of the low points for WCW and perhaps wrestling as a whole. This takes away the entire illusion of wrestling and screams as loud as possible that wrestling is a huge fake story.

I understand that this is a massive publicity stunt (which failed). There are all kinds of celebrity appearances in wrestling that are often used as a cheap excuse to pop a rating (which only works in certain circumstances) but most of the time, wrestling companies know where to stop. Mr. T. was in the main event of Wrestlemania, but at least Mr. T. is a tough guy who looked like he could hold his own physically. Mike Tyson got physical because he was one of the most successful boxers of all time. Neither of those is a huge stretch.

This however was clearly just saying that it’s a big work because they didn’t even try to hide how they were setting Arquette up to win. The fact that they would rather go this route instead of trying to set something up tells you most of what you need to know about Russo and Bischoff: they keep trying shortcuts to get somewhere and once they get there, it usually leads to a horrible idea.

Why should I care about any title match going forward? Why should I care if Page and Jarrett have a fifteen minute war for the belt? David Arquette can win the title in a five minute match (which they set up earlier in the night, completely defeating the point of getting people to tune in for the moment) so why should I want to sit around for a long title match?

The example I always use for how to properly use a celebrity is Drew Carey at the 2001 Royal Rumble. Carey came in, was given a spot in the Rumble (which the show made sure to point out was going to go to D’Lo Brown or Chaz otherwise, ensuring that the fans weren’t going to wonder who else could have gotten this spot, did nothing important, left without causing any damage and gave the fans a fun little moment. No one was hurt, everybody gets what they want, and it’s looked back on pretty fondly.

This on the other hand was taking a low level actor (at least the Drew Carey Show was a pretty solid ratings winner) WINNING THE WORLD TITLE. As usual, Russo thinks that the title is just a prop with no meaning behind it and if the fans disagree, that’s on them because Russo is too busy doing MANLY things to listen to their complaints. There’s no excuse for this and it’s a shame that WCW had to sink this low.

Finally, it should be noted that Arquette thought this was a horrible idea and donated his pay to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov. He seems like a nice guy who knew his place. WCW on the other hand never understood anything and managed to take the title and the business to a never before imaginable low.

Overall Rating: D. Completely destroying the World Title’s importance aside, this wasn’t the worst show in the world. The Booker vs. Awesome match worked and the Flair promo, meaning the part without Russo, was good stuff too. We’ve reached the point where a watchable five minute match between Mike Awesome and Booker T. is the high point of the week for WCW. That’s how far we’ve sunk and I’m terrified to see where this is going to wind up.

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Monday Nitro #237
Date: April 24, 2000
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 7,713
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

I’m not sure where they’re supposed to go from here but something needs to change. Last week’s show was another mess to sit through as this era is starting off as a combination of boring and horrible with the bosses and Hogan being the featured attractions. Slamboree is in two weeks and the main event will be DDP vs. Jeff Jarrett in the triple cage. Let’s get to it.

We recap last week. When you cut this down to a minute, it actually makes sense. It’s really bad writing and not a good show, but you can tell what’s going on.

Sting and Vampiro are brawling in the back with Sting getting the better of it until Vampiro hits him with a pipe.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending but Bigelow attacks in the aisle with a trashcan. The Cat comes out for revenge after Bigelow beat him up at Spring Stampede but Bigelow is able to put Funk in a trashcan and beat on it with a chair. Cat comes in and kicks the chair into Bigelow’s face, allowing Funk to cover him to retain in less than two minutes.

Cat dances a bit as Madden sums up how stupid this was.

We recap Hogan being a psycho last week, leading to the end of the show where Bret was about to hit either him or Kidman. The announcers should have seen who Bret hit but they won’t actually say who it was.

Here are Kidman and Torrie with the former having taped ribs. Kidman is here tonight to show that no one wants to see the yellow and red anymore. He’ll finish this at Slamboree if Terry is there.

Bischoff and Kimberly aren’t pleased with what Kidman did.

Norman Smiley begs Russo for a chance to get the Hardcore Title back. Russo agrees, if Smiley can find a partner to make it a handicap match at Slamboree.

Here are Kimberly, Bischoff and Jarrett with something to say. David Arquette is in the front row because that is our fate. Jarrett promises to hurt Page in the triple cage at Slamboree and shows us clips of the cage from Ready to Rumble. He’ll beat Page and neglect him, just like Page did to his wife. Bischoff, on a wireless mic, says Kimberly has a gift for Page. She has some papers for him, but here’s Page in an Albert Einstein shirt of all things. Kimberly says she’s in the driver’s seat for the first time and talks about Eric opening her eyes to these stupid wrestling marks.

The papers are for a divorce but Page thinks she’s out of her mind. Page says no way but calls Kimberly some insulting names instead. He goes after Bischoff and gets a guitar to the back for his efforts. Arquette jumps the barricade to go after Bischoff and Kanyon runs in to save Arquette from Jarrett. Bischoff freaks out and says he’ll fight Arquette tonight. David agrees, but if he wins, Page gets a World Title match against Jarrett in the cage tonight.

In case it wasn’t clear enough already, this segment showed that Jeff Jarrett, the World Heavyweight Champion, is a supporting character on this show. He’s beneath the writers and Hogan, plus probably Sting vs. Vampiro. Now he’s beneath Page and David Arquette, putting the World Heavyweight Champion as the eighth most important character on this show.

Kronik demands a title shot from Vince Russo, who of course stands up to them and asks if they know who he is. They’ll get their shot if they do him a favor. This segment existed for no other reason that to remind you that Vince Russo is a MAN.

Bischoff sends Jarrett to go find Billy Kidman. The World Champion is officially an errand boy.

Chris Candido/Tammy vs. The Artist/Paisley

This could be a really long night. Tammy says she’s here to show Paisley what men want. The guys start and knock each other down in about fifteen seconds. It’s off to the women for a double cover, followed by the required catfight. Everything breaks down and Tammy dives off the top to take Paisley and Artist down. That’s the most physical she’s ever gotten and she didn’t terrible at it. Back inside and Candido clotheslines Paisley giving Tammy the pin.

Sting comes out with a Death Drop to Candido. He wants Vampiro out here tonight and why not just make it first blood.

Kanyon and Page give Arquette a pep talk.

Team Package vs. Kronik

It’s a brawl to start and here’s Miss Hancock in case you’re already bored. In case the match and Hancock aren’t enough, Buff Bagwell runs in less than thirty seconds in, allowing Shane Douglas to hit Flair with a ball bat. High Time gives Adams the pin in just over a minute.

Buff and Douglas beat down Team Package a bit more until Buff hands Adams the bat, leading to Kronik beating them down as well.

Vampiro wants to make Sting bleed from the eyes so I guess the match is on.

Bischoff gives Kidman Mike Awesome for protection against Hogan tonight. Hogan is welcome to find a tag partner if he can. Also, Bischoff is guest referee for Kidman vs. Hogan at Slamboree. So after weeks of running scared from Hogan, Bischoff is totally fine with putting himself in the same ring with him. Makes as much sense as anything else here.

Mike Awesome/Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

Kidman comes out in a Hogan shirt. Hulk comes out alone, in black pants and a black vest with F.U.N.B. on the back. Hogan hammers away at both guys to start and gives Awesome a whipping with the belt. A big boot and belly to back put Awesome down as Hogan is completely dominating him because that’s what Hogan does to someone young and full of potential. Hogan stops Mike’s comeback with a low blow so Kidman comes in to double team Hogan down.

As you might expect, Hogan fights back and we cut to a WWF Wrestling Buddy in the crowd. Awesome clotheslines Hogan down and drops a splash for two as Madden complains about the impending Hulk Up. There’s the second big boot to Awesome but Hogan drops elbows instead of going for the leg. They head outside with Hogan shoving Awesome into Madden’s face for no apparent reason. Kidman comes in with a chair to bust Hogan open as this match is getting a shocking amount of time.

It’s table time which feels as awkward and out of place in a Hogan match as wrestling does on a Russo show. Right after the powerbomb through the table, we cut to the back to see Nash coming in. Awesome puts Hogan on a second table and Kidman adds a top rope splash, followed by a legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match sucked from a technical standpoint (I’m as shocked as you are), but I’ll give them points for having the young guys win and for giving it some time. This is the kind of thing they need to do to actually get some people over, but unfortunately this is going to happen on an episode of Nitro, not at Slamboree where Hogan needs to put Kidman over. Also, at just under 11 minutes, I believe this is the second longest match of Russo and Bischoff’s tenure so far.

Nash hits the ring to clean house but Torrie hits him low, allowing Kidman and Awesome to get in their stompings.

Eric Bischoff vs. David Arquette

Again, remember that Bischoff is a karate expert and should be able to knock Arquette out in about ten seconds. Bischoff kicks him into the corner to start but David comes back with a spear, followed by the Worm for one of the loudest reactions of the night. Jarrett pulls the referee out at two and hits Page with the belt. Bischoff gets in a low blow on Arquette but Jeff guitars Eric by mistake, giving Arquette the pin.

The lights go out and Sting is watching from the rafters. This of course has nothing to do with what you’re currently watching.

One of the former NWO girls is now an interviewer (in a swimsuit of course) but can’t get in a word over Arquette’s celebrating.

Jarrett is livid.

Here are Scott Steiner and assorted women with something to say. He lists off all of the things he did last night (in rhyme because why not) and promises to floss Booker’s teeth with his shoelaces tonight. Booker comes out to explain that he only did what he did last week to make things up to Bischoff. Steiner just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The girls come up to Booker for the most obvious distraction in the history of obvious distractions. The guys brawl until it’s time for a break.

Russo tells Bagwell and Douglas that “we” have to go fight Kronik.

Tag Team Titles: Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas vs. Kronik

The champs are in street clothes here as Kronik cleans house. Shane drops Clark face first with a suplex and the fans start the boring chant. Adams helps Clark drop Shane throat first across the top rope. It’s off to Adams to clean house but Buff throws the referee over the top. Hudson: “THAT’S BULL”…..and the rest isn’t censored, freaking Madden out. Buff takes High Times but that manly man Vince Russo comes in and hits Clark with a ball bat. Shane hits Adams with it as well. Nick Patrick goes to ring the bell but Russo hits him with a bat as well. Russo counts the pin on Adams to retain the titles.

Rating: D. As we’ve firmly established over the last few weeks and tonight in particular: Nitro exists to prove that Vince Russo is the toughest and most awesome man that has ever lived and he can beat up big goons like Kronik because he’s a real man from New York and a thousand times smarter than all these stupid wrestling marks. It also proves that the real money in WCW is manufacturing baseball bats because every body has one these days.

Here’s Tank Abbott for his weekly insulting of Goldberg. Madden panicking over Abbott wanting to hurt someone tonight is some of the only funny stuff he’s ever done. Tank throws WCW.com writer Bob Ryder into the ring and Jeremy Borash (who looks identical to how he looks now) fails at making a save. Tank finally leaves.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Jarrett is defending and this is supposed to be inside a cage (complete with roof), which is why they’re already fighting in the crowd. Page hits him in the back with a trashcan but gets dropped onto a barricade. They finally get inside so Jarrett can stomp away, only to have Page whip him into the cage. Jarrett sends Page face first into the buckle and then into the cage twice in a row.

Page slugs away in the corner before the discus lariat puts Jarrett down. Cue Mike Awesome as Jarrett escapes the Diamond Cutter and counters with a DDT. There’s the Diamond Cutter but Awesome breaks into the cage. He breaks up the pin at two but Kanyon comes in and decks Awesome, allowing the referee to count the three about five seconds after the two, giving Page the title.

Rating: D. The WCW World Champion, who was crowned the chosen one eight days earlier, just lost the title in a cage match that didn’t last five minutes. Of that time, less than three minutes of were spent inside the cage. This was in addition to the two people interfering in the match, making the cage completely unnecessary. The gimmick overkill on this show astounds me more and more every single week.

Oh yeah that’s not the main event.

Vampiro vs. Sting

First blood. Sting takes too long getting unhooked from his repelling gear and Vampiro attacks, only to fight him off with ease because Vampiro is New Blood and therefore unable to win a fair fight with any old guy. Right hands and a suplex put Vampiro back on the floor. He gets on the announcers’ table and does a throat slit, causing a red liquid to fall on Sting (ripping off the Brood’s Bloodbath). Some of the New Blood comes out to beat Sting down as the fans really aren’t pleased.

The New Blood attaches the soaked Sting to the cable and hangs him from the ceiling to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This took me most of the day to sit through on and off because it really is cringe worthy. The wrestling ranges from bad to very bad, the stories are all about Russo and Bischoff, and the World Title feud is now featuring David Arquette and three title changes in two weeks. The worst part is things are going to go downhill from here, making the entire show an even bigger disaster. This show is all about Russo/Bischoff/Hogan and it’s been easy to see that since the day the new stories started. It’s getting harder to sit through these things and the worst has just begun.

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Monday Nitro #236
Date: April 17, 2000
Location: Metrocentre, Rockford, Illinois
Attendance: 4,345
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Now this is an interesting show as we’re officially into the Russo/Bischoff Era. They’ve had a week and a pay per view to set everything up so now they have no real excuses left. This is going to be the show where we see what their vision is supposed to be, complete with Jeff Jarrett and the New Blood on top. Let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package from last night, including Hart vs. Mancow. The worst part: we’re not done with Mancow this year.

Opening sequence.

New York, New York plays as papers fall from the ceiling. All of the new champions (sans Funk of course and Jarrett) come out as they’re covered in balloons for a big celebration. Russo says all the booing doesn’t change the fact that he’s better than everyone here. Last night, the New Blood took over just like they promised they would. Russo introduces the new champions one by one and promises to come for Funk’s Hardcore Title.

The fans are popping the balloons and it sounds like a war has broken out. Russo rips on Jim Ross for never believing in him holding Jeff Jarrett down. That would be your weekly insider shot that most fans didn’t get/care about. Jarrett comes out and says this is the greatest day of his life (after the day his child was born that is). He rips on JR as well before talking about not being in Ready to Rumble, even though the stars are beneath him. This brings us to Slamboree, where Jarrett will hang the World Title above the triple cage used in the movie.

Russo brings out Bischoff and Kimberly and we’ve got a riot squad at ringside. Bischoff makes sex jokes about Page (because that’s what the bosses of this company do) and says last night was the whipped cream on the cake of torturing Page. Kimberly goes off about Page making it all about him for years but now it’s time for her to be the star.

She starts talking in the third person and calls Bischoff her opportunity. Bischoff goes on and we see Page beating up security in the back. He comes into the arena (in a Sopranos shirt) and goes right into the ring for a beating. The riot squad reveals themselves as the Millionaires Club and the New Blood is cleared out.

So to recap: the bosses get to say their adversaries are shall we say small, Russo gets to take shots at Jim Ross and Bischoff gets to imply that he’s sleeping with Kimberly Page. This is more proof that WCW is the playground for whoever is running the company and if the fans get to enjoy it, consider it a bonus.

Here’s a recap of what we just saw, in slow motion for no apparent reason.

Bischoff yells at a bunch of guys over what happened. Booker asks why they’re supposed to be security so Bischoff tells him he has a short amount of time to get on his good side. Everyone leaves and Bischoff makes Page vs. Awesome. The security from outside comes in and quits. Hogan calls in and promises to beat Bischoff up in about five minutes. All of this happened in just over a minute.

The announcers recap things, in case the recap we saw or WATCHING THE EVENT ITSELF wasn’t enough.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

Miss Hancock comes out before we get going because they’re not even letting the matches start before getting to the angle. Stasiak starts punching in the corner as Hancock takes notes. They slug it out on the floor and Madden takes a bottle of water to the face. Back in and Hancock plays with her pen as Hennig knees Stasiak in the chest. There goes the referee and Curt hooks the HennigPlex. No count so Stasiak gets a foreign object to knock Curt silly, setting up a layout F5 (the Perfect Plant) for the pin.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of everything that is wrong with the way Russo books the shows. Last week Stasiak debuted and attacked Hennig, setting up this match. The ending gives them a reason to continue their feud. However, we still don’t know why they’re fighting. Stasiak just showed up and started a feud, but given how lame the first match was, I really don’t want to see them fight again and with no story, why would I want to keep watching when they come on? It’s lazy booking and takes away the most important part of wrestling because Russo still doesn’t get it.

Stasiak starts stomping Curt down but we IMMEDIATELY cut to a camera inside a motorcade which brings Hogan, wearing a very 80s bandana, to the arena. Cops stop him but he stares them down and they step aside. Hogan comes in and beats up Stasiak before we take a break. Back with Hogan saying he’s heard all the fans talking about him and they’re sure that Hulkamania is going to live forever. His critics say he’s getting older, but so is every other wrestler in the back. He has a lot left to offer wrestling though (true) and he’s not leaving.

Right now though, if anyone wants to come out here and take his spot, come get it. You can mess with his character and his gimmick, but when you get to what Russo and Bischoff did last week, you’re messing with Terry Bollea. They tried to take food out of his kids’ mouth (how?), you’re messing with the wrong man. That brings him to Kidman, who has been whining and crying for years about all the promoters not using him right. Kidman and Torrie come up on screen with Kidman telling Hogan to come fight him right now. Hogan goes after them and the camera pans back to show Bischoff standing next to the Hummer.

Jarrett doesn’t care about Hogan and company because tonight there’s an open contract to any non-millionaire for a World Title shot tonight.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. The Wall

Funk is defending and hits Wall in the head with three chair shots to get it going. Wall will have none of that and knocks Funk to the floor with a chair shot of his own. It’s Funk’s turn again as he chairs Wall down some more, followed by a moonsault out to the floor. Well of course he did. I mean, his feet hit Wall in the head and he didn’t rotate all the way but he did a moonsault at fifty six years old.

Wall piledrives him on the table, which doesn’t break, but Funk barely sells it. With that not working, Wall breaks off a piece of barricade and crushes Terry’s head. They fight up to the entrance where Funk’s head is crushed over and over again in the door of a one person cage. Then a stack of tables falls on Wall, allowing Terry to cover him to retain.

Rating: D+. So after building Wall up for months, they have someone (who I doubt is ever going to be named) drop a pile of tables on him like something out of a screwball comedy so Terry Funk can pin him. To keep track of things, that means Sid and Funk are the two men to pin him. As usual, WCW sets someone up but the old guys are the ones that get to knock him back down.

Kronik (Brian Adams and Brian Clark, better known as Wrath) comes in to ask Russo when they’re on for their title match. Russo says whenever he says so but not tonight.

Someone signs Jarrett’s open contract but the camera panning over to see the signature is too much to ask.

Page is taking out Awesome and then coming for Bischoff.

Kronik beats up the Harris Twins and come to the ring to do the same to the Mamalukes. Adams grabs the mic and says the tag division is on notice now that they’ve shown up. Russo better hurry up with their title shot.

Here’s Vampiro with something to say. Sting knows nothing about pain and still knows nothing after last night. That was just a taste of what Sting had to go through, because Sting is being devoured at Slamboree. Cue Sting from the rafters with some ball bat shots and talk trash about learning from Flair and Luger. The Death Drop leaves Vampiro laying.

Hogan is still looking for Kidman.

Jarrett tells Russo to deal with the open contract. Russo says he’ll go fix him. Of course this is one of those backstage conversations where they never say what they’re talking about in a completely unnatural manner.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

Page slugs away to start but Awesome runs the corner and back elbows Page in the jaw for two. After a few suplexes, Page gets sent to the floor and Awesome springboards to the top rope for a clothesline to the floor. Since this is WCW, the announcers are all “Oh. That was cool.”, before moving on to talking about the storyline. WCW really needed a JR who could act like a big spot was the most awesome thing he had ever seen and take a break from the same plot points over and over again. Awesome misses a charge into the barricade and gets chaired in the back. That goes nowhere so Kanyon runs in for the quick DQ.

Awesome loads Kanyon up for a powerbomb through a table but Nash comes through the crowd for a save. This would be the second time in about ten minutes where someone looked towards the stage but the other guy came up from behind. The Jackknife puts Mike through a table.

Russo tries to talk someone down but they’re behind a door. Another segment that doesn’t even try to look natural.

Tank Abbott is here and Madden freaks out.

Douglas and Bagwell are ready for their singles matches with Team Package at Slamboree. Shane wants Luger tonight so here’s Luger to agree to a match, with a stipulation that if Russo shows up, Team Package gets the titles. From a singles match.

Here’s Tank Abbott to call out Goldberg for the week. His victim this week is the owner of the Chicago Blackhawks, who gets dragged into the ring for a beating. One of Madden’s favorite hockey players (Bob Probert, the Blackhawks’ enforcer) gets in as well to help break it up.

Hogan gets a tip that Kidman is outside.

Jarrett and Russo bicker some more. Russo will get back to him with an idea of how to solve the problem.

Shane Douglas vs. Total Package

It’s Luger in control to start as he pounds away in the corner and kicks Shane in the ribs a few times. Shane comes back with choking but here’s Bagwell to keep Shane in control. Bagwell interferes and Douglas gets in a low blow, neither of which lead to a DQ because those don’t exist in WCW. A guy in a Sting mask hits Shane in the back with a ball bat and as everyone swears it’s Russo (because NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER DRESSED UP LIKE STING), it’s Flair, in his second costume of the night. The ball bat shot inside the ring counts for the DQ as it’s totally different than the one outside.

Rating: D-. Luger doesn’t work as a face or a heel these days, but what can you expect from someone who seemingly has no desire to do anything and has been using the same three or four moves for years now? Shane isn’t any help either as he’s never been anything great in the ring and is almost all talk.

Russo pulls Shane to the floor and shouts SCREW YOU FLAIR a few times. Again, I don’t think we’ve been told why Russo and Flair hate each other but they hate each other now and that’s all that is supposed to matter. Bagwell and Shane shout at Russo for not being here to save them. Yes, because the savior that two champion wrestlers need is a skinny guy from Brooklyn, not the rest of the New Blood.

Hogan finds Kidman but Torrie hits him in the back with a 2×4. Hulk chokes her up against a beam and pulls back to hit her but Kidman makes the save. Kidman gets thrown in the dumpster so Bischoff gets in the Hummer…..which won’t start. Bischoff runs, allowing Hogan to get in the Hummer and ram the dumpster. Yeah those seventeen years of building up Hogan’s character? Screw those. Let’s have him turn into a psycho who wants to punch women and uses cars to try to murder people. Oh wait: this is Terry Bollea so it’s fine. So the man behind the character is a woman beating attempted murderer. That makes it ok.

Kidman gets stretchered out.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

Oh well. No time to grieve. Instead we have to see the reveal of the mystery man as….Scott Steiner. So a day after the New Blood wins all of the important titles, we already have champion vs. champion and the team already fighting. Steiner gorilla presses Jarrett down to start but charges into a boot to the face. Jeff’s high cross body gets two but he gets caught in mid air, followed by a belly to belly for two. The sleeper is countered by a low blow and Steiner puts on the Recliner, drawing in Booker for the DQ. Booker: “You’re welcome punk.”

Rating: D. Another night, another match ending before it can get anywhere, though well done on having the World Champion look like he can be beaten in three and a half minutes. Booker coming in to redeem himself is one of the few things all night that made sense but it came at the end of another one of Russo’s overbooked shows, making it too late to matter.

Again we IMMEDIATELY jump off to see Hogan going after Bischoff with a pipe. Hogan chases him into the arena. A low blow drops Bischoff but here are Vince Russo and Bret Hart. Bret shoves Russo down and gets in the ring with a chair. He looks at both guys, pulls back the chair, and we’re done before we can see who he was aiming for.

Overall Rating: D. So that’s the first episode of Russo and Bischoff’s vision. Put simply, this isn’t very good. The story is pretty boring with the old guys going all psycho to protect their spots and the new generation being comprised of slightly less older guys who aren’t too interesting. People like Wall, Booker and Vampiro are regularly losing to the old guys or going out of their way to bow down to Russo and Bischoff, because they’re the stars of the show, along with Hogan of course.

On top of that, the show isn’t put together well either. This show had 18:32 of wrestling, or 13 seconds less than Ryback vs. Seth Rollins on Raw this past week. Three of the five matches ended in DQ, one ended with someone dropping tables onto the Wall and the other one had a ref bump and foreign object to set up the pin. This was of course after Russo and Bischoff’s 15+ minute speech to open the show with shots at JR for no real reason. Oh and don’t forget Hogan’s five or so segments.

It’s becoming clearer and clearer that Russo’s hype of change is a bunch of hot air. The show is still all about Hogan, the young guys are being treated like nothings (Buff Bagwell is a champion. You couldn’t put say, the Wall with Shane? One talks, the other is a monster. It’s kind of a proven formula you know?) and we have a massive heel stable. 1997 is here again, but unfortunately the audience isn’t back with them.

No Thunder this week. Not that WCW bothered to tell you that of course.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Spring Stampede 2000
Date: April 16, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,556
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s the night of a million tournaments because TOURNAMENTS ARE AWESOME. The company was rebooted six days ago so all titles are vacant and Russo and Bischoff are here with their latest spray painting stable with the word New in the name. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page for the World Title because the one thing from the last few boring months that needs to stick around is Jarrett in the title scene. Let’s get to it.

A quick note: this show runs two hours and forty minutes with fourteen matches. Wrestlemania V had the same number of matches in about an hour more. You really shouldn’t be able to do that.

The opening video focuses on Bischoff/Russo vs. Flair/Hogan respectfully.

Bischoff has been told that Hogan is out of the hospital and coming here. Kidman isn’t worried because the Hummer can finish what they started. You mean Hogan can’t even sell BEING CRUSHED BY A CAR for a week?

Opening video showing clips of Russo and Bischoff. Good to know what matters here.

Tony says we’re starting a new era tonight. Didn’t we just do that Monday? And we don’t even get a night off from Madden after Tank Abbott beat him up? He looks fine too without even a neck brace. Bobby Heenan would be ashamed if he actually watched this show.

The announcers run down the card, which is a mystery to you if you didn’t watch Thunder. Also, the referees have been told to relax the disqualification rules. FROM WHAT??? The referees are already allowing low blows and interference. What are they allowing now? Wait don’t answer that. I don’t think I can sit through this show if I remember what Russo has coming.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals; Mamalukes vs. Team Package

Disco is out with the Mamalukes because their split has been erased. Just having the match isn’t enough though so let’s go backstage to Team Package. Flair is in street clothes because this is going to be a street fight. Makes sense I guess. The announcers talk about Hogan being in the hospital. Madden: “Well a hummer can wear you out.” Wait we’re still not ready to go because ten minutes of talking before the first match isn’t enough. Russo comes out to say two veterans vs. two rookies isn’t fair, so the Harris Twins are added to make it 4-2.

It’s a big brawl to start and Flair is knocked down just a few seconds in. The regular teams pair off to beat up a veteran each but the old guys fight back and Flair gets Johnny in the Figure Four. That goes nowhere though as Flair lets go, only so Vito can kick him in the face to take over again. The Twins boot Flair in the face for two before Don pummels him in the corner. Tony doesn’t know what happens if the four men win, though to be fair I doubt Russo does either. Flair gets slammed off the top but avoids an elbow.

The goons keep the referee from seeing a tag as this is getting dangerously close to being a wrestling match. The beating continues and here are two guys to take Disco away. That would be your angle that has nothing to do with the match and has a 50/50 chance of never being brought up again. Luger gets the tag and everything breaks down but Johnny comes off the top with a spinning clothesline for two. Not that it matters as Luger Racks him for the win a few seconds later.

Rating: D. This was a Nitro match with too much added to it. As usual, Russo is convinced that no one is capable of having a match without something going on as a bonus. It’s also not a good sign that we’re seventeen minutes into this show and they’ve already changed the card from what they announced on Thursday.

Mike Awesome has been added to the US Title tournament and can’t wait to beat the nine lives out of The Cat. Bam Bam Bigelow comes in to call Awesome a jabroni, earning himself a beatdown.

We recap Mancow (Chicago radio DJ) vs. Jimmy Hart. I’m not going to dignify this with a recap. Picture any low level celebrity vs. a manager story you’ve ever seen. That would be a small pool to pick from because this is a stupid idea.

Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart

Hart comes out in a Howard Stern shirt with Emory Hale as an enforcer. Mancow gets a good reaction and comes out with some nice looking women and a bunch of his radio show personalities. We hear a bit from Mancow about how he’s doing this for revenge and for Chicago. It’s a catfight to start but a Hale distraction lets Hart get in a low blow. Madden: “This is utter nonsense.” Jimmy goes up but Mancow pulls the referee in the way, allowing Hale to come in and gorilla press Mancow onto his entourage. There’s no referee though so Mancow hits Hart with a chair for the pin.

Counting the recap, this got seven minutes. The whole show can’t even get to two hours and forty five minutes and one match breaks ten minutes, but they had seven minutes to dedicate to a Howard Stern knockoff who was there for the live crowd. Welcome to the new WCW indeed.

Post match Kidman comes out and punches Hart again.

Russo yells at the Harris Twins and the Mamalukes before swinging a ball bat either because he’s manly or because he has deep rooted issues with his masculinity and has a fixation on phallic objects.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Wall vs. Scott Steiner

Scott comes out to Steinerized as the announcers speculate about Russo and Bischoff’s master plan. Of course there’s a master plan. There’s always a master plan. Steiner pounds Wall down into the corner but Wall does the same thing back to him. A low blow drops Steiner, but remember these matches have relaxed rules.

It’s time to start choking with Wall throwing Steiner around. They head outside and Wall sends him into the barricade (Hudson: “He almost threw him into Lake Michigan!” No Scott, he didn’t.) before getting a table. Steiner pokes him in the eye so Wall chokeslams the referee through the table instead, drawing a DQ from a second referee.

Rating: D. I have a feeling I’m going to be making a lot of the same complaints with this show. I’ll give them a point on this one: they kept Wall looking strong. He’s a big power lunkhead but he’s someone new and a potential monster. Steiner is still getting back from injury so this kind of a brawl probably suited him best.

The Cat babbles about James Brown and rednecks until Bam Bam Bigelow beats him down.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Cat vs. Mike Awesome

If there is any justice, the Cat will be squashed like a bug. Not like a cat of course because who would want to squash a cat? Well apparently Bigelow would as he attacked Cat in the back (off camera) and has taken Cat’s place. Fans: “ECW!” Awesome clotheslines Bigelow out to the floor and takes him down with a huge dive. People his size should not be able to do that.

Bigelow is knocked into the crowd so Mike dives over the barricade to take him down again. A good looking top rope clothesline gets two for Awesome as this is a clinic so far. Bigelow reverses a belly to back into a cross body for two. My goodness there are a lot empty seats across from the hard camera. The top rope headbutt looks to set up Greetings From Asbury Park but the Cat is back. Wait can you be back if you were never here in the first place? Bigelow gets superkicked to the floor and it’s dance time! Awesome takes Cat’s head off with a clothesline and the Awesome Splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. I should have known better than to get my hopes up here. This was starting to get good so they had to send the Cat out there to turn it into a comedy thing. There’s a place for those kind of antics, but it’s not in the middle of what was turning into a good power match and our introduction to Mike Awesome, who looks like a star.

In a sign of the WCW way of thinking, instead of putting over Awesome as a monster, they talk about Cat dancing. The important stuff you know.

Russo tells Bischoff to chill out. Bischoff wants Kidman to do something instead of kissing Torrie.

Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas are ready for Harlem Heat and Shane whines about Flair of course.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Harlem Heat vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Tony says Awesome was living up to his namesake in the last match. Name, namesake, whatever. I’m surprised he got that close. Say it with me: It’s a brawl to start. Stevie gets double teamed to start with the New Blood working on his arm. The swinging neckbreaker is enough for Buff’s wrestling quota so a quick double team puts him down. T. eats a back elbow in the corner though and a quick Vader Bomb gets two for Buff. The tag brings in Shane but it’s still 2-1. Everything breaks down and a quick Pittsburgh Plunge (which Shane let go, basically making it a suplex) gives Shane the pin on Stevie.

Harlem Heat yells at each other post match.

Booker T. says he’s New Blood but he doesn’t see eye to eye with Bischoff and Russo.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Booker T. vs. Sting

They seem more respectful here and Sting politely shoves him into the corner, followed by a hiptoss to put Booker down. Sting starts speeding things up and runs Booker down with some clotheslines. They head outside with Booker being sent hard into the barricade. Booker comes right back by dropping Sting face first onto the announcers’ table, which the announcers make sure to chalk up to the relaxed rules.

A chinlock keeps Sting in trouble and a fan will not stop with screaming for as long as he can. Booker’s knee to the ribs sets up the ax kick for two. Sting comes back with a DDT for two of his own as the announcers are dubbing this a classic about six minutes in. The Stinger Splash is broken with a boot to the ribs but his suplex is countered into the Scorpion Death Drop to send Sting to the semi-finals.

Rating: C+. If this is WCW’s definition of a masterpiece and a classic, they’re in big trouble. It’s a good match but there’s only so much you can do in less than seven minutes. Maybe they could have done more of this if not for Mancow and having everything else tonight, since having any of the preliminaries on Nitro or Thunder would have been heresy.

Booker calls Sting back inside for a fist bump.

Kidman is ready for Hogan if he comes back tonight.

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Vampiro vs. Kidman

The winner gets Sting, who Tony says “gave every ounce of his soul in that last match.” IT WAS A SIX AND A HALF MINUTE MATCH! And about a minute of that was a chinlock! Hopefully this one gets some more time. Vampiro starts fast with a clothesline and release suplex, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. Kidman’s comeback is countered by a sweet running release powerbomb. Add Vampiro to the list of those who can powerbomb Kidman.

The second powerbomb is countered into the faceplant. Madden: “We could have been seeing matches like this one years ago.” This is their fourth televised match this year alone, not counting a three way they had with the Wall a few weeks back. Add that to the list of stupid things said on this show. Kidman gets two off a side slam but Vampiro grabs a Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam, which to be fair is pretty much the same thing) to come back. We go to an overhead camera for no apparent reason and Vampiro grabs an armbar.

That’s enough back and forth action so let’s show Hogan arriving in a 1968 Dodge Charger. Kidman is terrified. I would be too if I could see images of Hogan before he’s actually in the arena. Hogan takes him to the floor and beats Kidman up, sends him into the post and throws the steps at him. A choke throw sends Kidman bouncing off the table and then a regular slam puts him through it. Back in and Vampiro gets the pin. Hogan beat him up for two minutes straight and that’s still covered under relaxed rules???

Rating: D+. This was a moment that brought me back to the days after Starrcade 1999 when Russo turned Nitro into a drama with wrestling involved. It started off as a match but once you have a two minute beatdown in plain sight of the referee, it stops being a match and becomes an angle.

Wrestling is supposed to be about angles setting up matches. With Russo, it was angles to set up more angles. This whole thing, which still hasn’t been explained in detail on TV, has only been going on six days and has seen two beatdowns and attempted murder. Where do you go from here? A bad match? In theory yeah but how big of a letdown is that going to feel like after all of this stuff?

There’s nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, but this is backwards and leading up to a big letdown because they’re already done all their big stuff. In other words, Russo is a horrible booker who has screwed up what could have been a big story because he can’t wait to build up a story and has to do everything at once.

Oh and just to show how stupid WCW commentators were, direct quote from Tony: “You can’t disqualify him. He didn’t come in to help Vampiro.” HE BEAT KIDMAN UP FOR TWO MINUTES STRAIGHT AND SLAMMED HIM THROUGH A TABLE!!! That’s one of those lines that is so dumb there’s nothing to make fun of. The line itself is the joke.

Hogan says he’s coming for Bischoff.

Russo leaves Bischoff alone, promising to deal with Hogan.

Hogan storms through the back and……walks past the door with VINCE RUSSO AND ERIC BISCHOFF’S NAMES ON IT to open the door next to it. Add that to the list of things that the genius writers SHOULD HAVE THAT OF AND THROWN IN THE TRASH SO A MANIAC CAN’T COME IN AND KILL THEM. As a bonus, add it to the list of dumb things Hogan has done over the years. Hogan gets his hands around Bischoff’s neck so here are the cops with guns drawn for the save. You know, I’m kind of surprised Russo never had anyone get shot on one of his shows. If nothing else he could have made a “now THAT was a shoot” joke later on.

We cut to the arena and come back with Hogan being arrested by promising to be at Nitro. So yeah, this was all a way to set up a TV story. As this is going on, Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that Norman Smiley is waiting for him in catering to start the Hardcore Title match.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk

Terry finds him in the bathroom because where else would you find him. They fight out of the bathroom and it’s already fire extinguisher time. Norman is thrown into a bunch of Diet Coke cans as they head into the kitchen. A trashcan to the head puts Terry in trouble and it’s time for an INDUSTRIAL SIZE cookie sheets to the head. Again, I’d assume Tony meant industrial STRENGTH but Tony has become the wrestling version of Ted Baxter (for you old TV fans out there).

Norman climbs a ladder to get into the plumbing but Funk chairs him down and through a table full of cookies. Some chairs to the head have no effect on Terry so Norman chairs him even more on the way into the arena. They get inside and Norman channels his inner Cat by dancing, but at least it makes more sense here.

Norman actually tries the spanking dance and as you might expect, Funk isn’t pleased and caves Norman’s head in with a few chair shots. It’s ladder time but Dustin Rhodes makes the save and piledrives Terry on a chair. Funk kicks the chair into Dustin’s head though, knocking him into the ladder. A ladder shot to Norman’s face gives Terry the title.

Rating: C-. Yeah it was fine but this this might have been the longest hardcore match of all time at eight minutes. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s all you can really ask for on a show like this. In a different vein though, the Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk feud needs to stop. As far as I can remember, they’re fighting over whether Dustin is a bigger chicken than his dad, who isn’t even with this company. Why is this going on for three months?

If you ordered this show, you can get a MOUSEPAD! Tony: “That’s right. A mousepad.”

Russo tells Booker he’ll forgive him for what he did with Sting if he does a favor now. Madden rants about the handshake with Sting. It was a fist bump but I’d assume Madden was too busy finding stupid jokes to watch the show anyway.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner takes him down with a nice amateur move, followed by the bicep curl elbow. We pause for push-ups and Mike bails to the apron for a slingshot clothesline to take over. A top rope clothesline gets two so Steiner kicks him low. Hudson brings up the valid question of how far do relaxed rules go. Not that it matters as we’ve got Kevin Nash with a crutch to knock Awesome off the top, setting up the Steiner Recliner to send Steiner to the finals.

Rating: D. Three minutes, a low blow and interference means it’s already time for Awesome to give up to a veteran in just two minutes. I get the idea of pushing Steiner but at the same time I’m not wild on having a newcomer lose this quickly. Then again, that might mean actually pushing someone new instead of giving some newcomer lip service that they’re getting a push.

Russo fires Dustin Rhodes for letting Funk win the Hardcore Title. Russo takes credit for Goldust, which is the only time Rhodes was ever worth anything.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Vampiro

Vampiro jumps him during the entrance but Sting no sells his offense and punches Vampiro right back. We get the brawling on the floor out of the way as the announcers talk about Sting’s new intensity since the new regime took over. You know, in the six days and about fifteen minutes of wrestling he’s done. A top rope splash gets two for Sting and they fight outside where the Splash hits barricade.

Vampiro kicks him in the face and drops a leg for two as a wrestling match has broken out. Sting pops up after a slam and they kind of botch what I think was supposed to be Vampiro jumping off the top but getting caught in a powerbomb. Instead it came off like he tried a diving hurricanrana but got spinebustered. Either way it wasn’t good looking but it sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock to send Sting on to the finals.

Rating: D+. This is another match that happened tonight and there’s really no reason to see these two fight anymore, though I’m sure they will because Vampiro is creepy or whatever. Sting being involved in the two clean finishes of the night makes sense but I wouldn’t mind these matches having more time for a change. Six minutes shouldn’t be on the longer side of the matches in a night.

Page says he’ll win.

Cruiserweight Title: Shannon Moore vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Crowbar vs. Chris Candido vs. The Artist vs. Lash Leroux

The title is vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Oh and we can’t get a second match to break ten minutes but we can have a 3 Count performance. Make that TWO performances as they actually have to fill in time on a show with matches these short. Thankfully everyone else charges to the ring so we don’t spend another five minutes on entrances.

It’s insanity to start and I’m sure Daffney and Helms are going to get involved. There are tags required here and Crowbar gets an early two on Candido via a northern lights suplex. The Whiplash gets two on Crowbar (just called a signature move by Tony. Not Whiplash or anything but at least he knew it was a signature more) but Juvy flips out of the same move and scores with the Juvy Driver. Everything breaks down and Daffney hurricanranas Crowbar by mistake.

Lash dives on Crowbar but takes out Daffney as well. A big series of dives leaves Candido with Helms, but David Flair comes in to dance. Artist crotches Candido (by shaking one of the ropes he wasn’t standing on) but gets thrown off, only to have Candido miss the swan dive. You can see Crowbar powerbombing Juvy but that’s not important enough to feature. Artist hits an Angle Slam (not a Samoan drop) but here’s the debuting Tammy Lynn Sytch to pull Artist off the top, giving Candido the pin.

Rating: C-. So 3 Count can dance for about two and a half minutes but the match can’t even get 5:15? I’m not sure if this was good or not because the match was another mess with no flow or idea behind it other than “get everyone’s stuff in because we don’t have time to do anything else.” Candido winning is a good choice though as he’s not your standard high flier but can actually have an entertaining match, unlike Artist.

Paisley and Tammy have a catfight post match. Shannon breaks it up and gets his crotch grabbed.

We’ve got three weeks until the next pay per view. Sweet goodness calm down people.

Jarrett says he’ll win because he has everyone in his corner.

Tag Team Titles: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Flair is still in street clothes and Russo is out with Bagwell/Douglas to do commentary. Bagwell offers Luger a handshake to start but for once Luger is smart enough to not go for it. It’s time for a pose off, followed by Luger’s standard offensive sequence to take over. Shane comes in and beats Luger down, only to have Flair come in for some revenge. Hudson drops the Dynamic Dude moniker but it’s off to Buff for some right hands and a backdrop.

We hit the chinlock on Flair with Luger trying to make the save, allowing Shane to come in sans tag. Like it matters that the referee didn’t see it anyway. Shane punches Flair a lot and we get half a Flair Flip in the corner. Some F Bombs mess with the censor’s minds but Luger gets in a clothesline from the apron to give Flair a breather. Lex gets to come in for his clotheslines, including the fabled double clothesline. It’s like two at once!

Shane gets caught in the Figure Four but Buff hits Luger low and makes the save. The Blockbuster takes Shane down by mistake but Russo pulls the referee out. Now freaking Kronik debut for High Times on Luger, giving Bagwell the pin and the titles with Russo counting the pin.

Rating: D. How are you enjoying the Russo Show this evening? That’s all this show has been about: pushing Vince Russo as a featured player in a major wrestling promotion because he’s in charge and gets to do whatever he wants and feel important. Lame match again, mainly because Shane isn’t interesting in the ring.

Steiner says he’ll win.

Sting says he’ll win.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sting

So…..I think Sting is the heel here? It’s really not clear. Steiner hammers him down but gets dropkicked out to the floor, allowing Sting to get in a dive. Sting’s top rope splash hits knees though and Steiner drops him with a gorilla press. Back up and Sting breaks up a superplex, only to have the Stinger Splash hit the referee. We’re still not done yet though as Vampiro pops up through the ring and pulls Sting underneath. Sting comes out with a bloody mouth, which is described as covered in blood, setting up the Recliner to give Steiner the title.

Rating: D-. Notice that all of the New Blood guys winning here are veterans? Like I said, it’s because this whole “let’s push the young guys” is lip service and you could tell by watching for five minutes. This was another bad match to add to the pile with Russo making sure to put in everything he could to every match and making the action a backdrop to whatever is supposed to lead up to the next angle. It’s a never ending cycle and Russo never saw why that was a problem because Russo doesn’t get how wrestling works.

We recap Monday, which is another way to feature Russo. They throw in the World Title tournament stuff to try to make it sound interesting.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Kimberly is here with Page, more or less guaranteeing a swerve. They start fast by trading some big shots until Page’s jumping tornado DDT gets two. Kimberly gets in a slap on the floor and the fight goes into the crowd, which only shows off all the empty seats. Page gets the better of it and they finally get off the wide shot and show them coming back to ringside.

Jeff uses Kimberly as a shield but still gets sunset flipped for two. He’s still able to crotch Page on top though, setting up a superplex. Instead of covering like a wrestler should, Jarrett brings in a chair as Tony starts talking about the WWF for some reason. The match slows down until Page avoids a charge in the corner and hits a good looking sitout powerbomb for two.

We’ve got Bischoff in the aisle because this match hasn’t been entertaining enough. They head outside with Jeff using various things fans hand him, including Page’s book, as they’re now ripping off ECW. Kimberly saves Page from getting crotched on the post (Madden: “Get away you scurvy wench.”) and Jeff gets crotched instead. The Diamond Cutter misses and the referee goes down. Again. A belt shot gets two on Page so it’s Figure Four time. Kimberly has the guitar and just get to the screwjob already.

Page gets to the rope after about a minute and a half and gets a pair of near falls off some rollups. Back up and Jeff dives into a swinging Rock Bottom and it’s sleeper, sleeper, belly to back suplex. Bischoff tries to interfere and there’s the Diamond Cutter but Kimberly comes in with the guitar and hits Page (I’m too tired to even make fun of it at this point) to give Jeff the title. At least the fans popped for the swerve.

Rating: C+. Match of the night here which could have been better had they swapped the participants in the last two matches. Page vs. Jarrett sounds like a US Title match and Steiner vs. Sting could be a World Title match under the right circumstances. This match worked better because it had time and because the people in the match know how to work well enough to get around the lame booking ideas.

The New World Order (yeah it’s the same thing, down to most of the members) celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I know I’m supposed to yell about how bad this was but there’s a problem: I barely remember anything on this show five minutes after it wrapped up. This show was about two months of TV crammed into two hours and forty minutes. Save for the main event, nothing had time to go anywhere and nothing had time to develop because we had to get in all of Russo’s segments (how many were there? Eight or so?) and all of the other shenanigans, yet the show was only two hours and forty minutes.

The show stayed so short by following a simple idea: don’t let them wrestle. Of the fourteen matches, one of them broke nine minutes. I’ve covered the lame booking and Russo not knowing how to run a wrestling show to death and I’m sure I’ll get to it more in the future, but this show was such a total overload. There’s WAY too much on here to know if anything was really good or not and the little bit that does stick out is quickly forgotten for the sake of whatever else Russo has to throw out there.

The main thing that stood out here was how they’re not even hiding what they’re doing here. It’s another big NWO style superstable with the evil bosses in charge, but you pick JEFF JARRETT as the focal point? I know Russo has always been a fan but good grief you have Scott Steiner right there and you go with Jarrett? The idea of the youth movement is fine, but like I said earlier: the only champion who is actually young (or at least didn’t feel like a veteran) here is Candido, who had years of experience of his own. It’s a youth movement with people who aren’t actually young and WCW hopes we can’t figure it out.

I can’t say it’s the worst show I’ve ever seen, but most of this show’s problems are due to how much stuff it has going on. You can’t tell which way is up on this show (hint: look at the buyrate and go the other way), let alone have anything leave an impact on you. Russo never understood the idea of letting something breathe and it shows badly on something like this. The really bad times are coming, but this is much more about being too hectic for its own good and booking WAY too much into a show that should have been ten minutes longer with fewer matches packed in there.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: April 12, 2000
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Attendance: 3,118
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

Now this is the interesting show for me as Monday was all about setting up this new world. This show is the first time where we get to see how things are going to work under the Russo and Bischoff regime. I thought Monday’s show was a disaster so maybe things can pick up tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Monday, which still doesn’t explain why the Hummer is now white.

Russo and Bischoff arrived in a Porsche earlier today.

Opening sequence.

There’s a new set, which is just a big video screen instead of the old Thunder logo.

Tony welcomes us to the second show of the Russo/Bischoff Era. Something else about this: Russo and Bischoff are billed as writers, which would mean that there is probably a group of bosses above them. Instead though, all you hear about is how they’re running things now. As usual, the more you think about this story, the less sense it makes.

Here are Russo/Bischoff and the New Blood with Bischoff saying what a great night “last night” was. Bischoff gets right to the destruction of Hollywood Hogan with Kidman being very pleased with Monday’s results. Russo, with Flair’s watch around his neck on a chain, says the crowd is so loud that it reminds him of New York, but this town sucks. He keeps up the “last night was awesome” trend and proclaims himself the bat man of WCW due to knocking out Flair.

Shane says he’s been calling Flair out for years and now Ric has finally taken the bait. That right there is a better explanation than anything we got on Monday. Bischoff promises new champions across the board on Sunday. As for tonight, Jeff Jarrett and Diamond Dallas Page have the night off. Kimberly on the other hand is going to be in action against Madusa.

This brings out Page, who says he can deal with whatever problem Bischoff has with him anytime. Kimberly isn’t a part of it though and Page would love to fight Bischoff instead. Eric says not so fast because he’s more interested in seeing what Kimberly wears to the ring tonight. Page goes after him but Bam Bam Bigelow attacks from behind because Bam Bam Bigelow is New World Order. Yeah I know they’re calling it the New Blood but it’s the NWO. And not the Harris Twins version. The Millionaires Club comes in and it’s a huge fight until security breaks it up.

Tony actually tells us about some of Sunday’s card with a suicide six man elimination tag. What is suicidal about it? Nothing of course but alliteration is good. As for the Tag Team Titles, we’re having a tournament including the Mamalukes, Harlem Heat, Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas and Team Package.

There’s also going to be a tournament for the US Title. There are six unnamed men in the tournament so far with Sid and Sting facing three men in individual handicap matches for the final two spots. The Hardcore Title match will be determined later tonight. You can now say that WCW threw a pay per view card together in two and a half minutes, save for the World Title match, which was determined in about ten minutes of “action” on Monday.

Chris Candido/Juventud Guerrera/The Artist vs. Shannon Moore/Crowbar/Lash Leroux

These are the six men in the Cruiserweight Title match on Sunday. Shannon dives through the falling confetti to dropkick Artist and everyone comes into the ring, plus a beach ball thrown in by a fan. Candido powerbombs Lash down but we need to look at David Flair dancing in front of Paisley. Daffney literally gives him the hook (between the legs) to drag him away.

It’s off to Juvy for some right hands to Shannon as this is more coherent than I was expecting. Shannon comes back with a big Fameasser and brings in Crowbar, who drops himself on the mat a few times. A very spinning headscissors puts Crowbar on the floor where he has a quick fight with David due to reasons of insanity. Candido dives onto both of them as Tony admits there was no wrestling on Monday. Lash and Juvy follow with dives of their own until Shannon busts out a top rope Asai moonsault to put all of them down.

Shannon and Crowbar get in a fight (they’re teammates, but can you blame them for forgetting that in a match like this?), followed by Daffney taking Helms (not in the match) down with a hurricanrana. The Juvy Driver gets two on Crowbar and a double DDT puts him down again. Artist breaks up Candido’s (his partner) cover though, followed by Artist giving Candido the jumping DDT. Crowbar’s sitout gordbuster is enough to pin Candido.

Rating: B. Enjoy this one, as I don’t think you’re going to see anything close to this entertaining all night long. Or all month long more than likely. This was the kind of insanity that the division was lacking for so long with the Artist on top and it was nice to have a throwback to the good old days.

Page says Kimberly vs. Madusa isn’t happening but he’d love to bang Bigelow.

Russo and Bischoff come in to see Harlem Heat and ask them to take Sid out tonight. Why don’t they just write Sid out if the writers are all powerful? I guess this is supposed to be a real beatdown?

Ready to Rumble premiere video?

Curt Hennig jumps Shawn Stasiak.

Harlem Heat vs. Sid Vicious

This is Sid’s qualifying match. So did Russo and Bischoff think Harlem Heat was going to lay down for him when they wanted Sid taken out? Sid fights off Big T. and Stevie at first but stops to go after J. Biggs, allowing the two of them to totally miss a double bicycle kick. A double flapjack drops Sid again and Cash adds a splash for two. Tony: “THAT’S INCREDIBLE!” Booker comes in and attacks Harlem Heat, meaning him acting as a heel on Monday is already forgotten. The Millennium Bomb ends Stevie.

The Wall comes in with a chair and knocks out Sid. We cut to an annoyed Russo and Bischoff, with the latter coming out and giving the win to Harlem Heat via DQ. Therefore, Sid isn’t in the tournament. The announcers now tell us that it was a No DQ match, which really should have been mentioned earlier but I doubt they knew when the match started.

Jimmy Hart is looking for Bischoff.

Bischoff could be found in the New Blood locker room yelling at Booker.

Total Package vs. Shane Douglas

Luger has his music back and Shane fails at jumping him during the entrances. Page vs. Bigelow is confirmed for tonight as we continue the booking on the fly idea. Luger stomps him down but Shane grabs the belly to belly. In ECW it wins World Titles but here it’s a transitional move so Shane can get slammed off the top. They head outside with Luger hitting his clothesline (I’ll put the over under at four in this match) Back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Shane to kick Luger low. Cue Flair to chop Shane and hit him low as well, setting up the Torture Rack for the win.

Rating: D+. So two weeks ago Luger and Flair were heels but now a story wide angle has turned them face. That comes off as lazy writing to me as I’m really having issues wanting to cheer for Luger for being an old rich guy who is putting in the same effort he has for years now. But at least he has his music back.

Bischoff blows Jimmy Hart off.

Later tonight it’s Flair vs. Buff Bagwell. If Luger interferes, Team Package is suspended for six months.

The announcer jabber for a bit before giving us a camera angle from inside Hogan’s limo when it was crushed by the Hummer. Thankfully they point out that it was a security camera, but unfortunately they don’t explain why it was pointed out the window. Hogan is going to be hospitalized for two weeks, meaning he gets to miss another major pay per view. That’s probably a good thing actually.

Jimmy Hart calls Bischoff out for an explanation of what he did to Hogan. Instead Kidman charges to the ring and beats Hart up. Jimmy gets a red NB spray painted on him for good measure.

Kimberly tells Page that she’s fighting tonight. Kimberly: “Be positive.” Page: “OF WHAT???”

Scott Steiner vs. Booker vs. The Wall vs. Vampiro vs. Kidman vs. The Cat

This is a Colorado Collision match between the six men already in the US Title tournament. Two men start and another is added every minute with pins or submissions for eliminations. Ignore the fact that these people are all stable mates, save for maybe Booker. Booker and Wall get things going with the big man getting kicked in the face a few times. The Book End sets up the ax kick and a Spinarooni but Wall pops up.

Cat comes in at about 55 seconds to kick Booker over the top, allowing Wall to chokeslam him through a table. Cat wants both guys counted out…..and that’s exactly what happens. With nothing left to do, Cat dances to fill in time. The camera goes wide to show the next entrant running down to the ring before realizing that it’s a medic to check on Booker.

Why Wall is down from chokeslamming someone isn’t clear but Steiner comes in to beat down the Cat. He actually fights back and drops Steiner as Kidman and Torrie come out, but Kidman doesn’t want to get in. Steiner suplexes Cat out of his shoes so Kidman can slide in and steal a pin. That’s fine with Steiner who drops him across the top rope. A belly to belly superplex eliminates Kidman and it’s Vampiro to complete the field. Sting runs in and gives Vampiro the Death Drop though, setting up the Recliner and the win for Steiner.

Rating: D. As usual, what started with an interesting idea gets bogged down by overbooking and allegedly cute ideas instead of letting them wrestle. You really shouldn’t have five people eliminated in less than six minutes, at least not if you want these guys to be taken seriously.

Team Package isn’t worried and Flair is still dressed in top fashion.

Kimberly vs. Madusa

Kimberly looks GREAT here, rocking some DX colors in what is probably an inside joke that no one but Bischoff and Russo get or find funny. Madusa shoves her down in the corner to start and asks why Kimberly wants to do this. Page quickly comes in and saves his wife before giving Madusa a pretty unnecessary Diamond Cutter. This was a thinly veiled excuse to have Kimberly in a tiny outfit.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay vs. Meng/Hugh Morrus vs. Terry Funk/Norman Smiley

Hardcore three way tag with the winning team facing off for the Hardcore Title on Sunday. I’ve heard worse ideas. Meng and Knobbs fight to the floor as Tony tries to keep track of the teams. There are three separate fights going on here and I’m not even going to try to call anything outside of high spots.

Morrus puts Smiley on a table near the stage but misses a dive and crashes instead. Meng and Knobbs go to the concession area for the normal food spots but Meng stops to spear a Goldberg cardboard cutout. Why a cardboard cutout was there isn’t clear but whatever. They fight outside with Knobbs being thrown over a balcony of unknown height. After a quick look at Funk and Finlay fighting at ringside, we see Smiley vs. Morrus in the back with Norman being slammed on concrete.

The announcers say this is about impressing Russo and Bischoff because titles mean nothing at this point. Norman gets thrown into the mouth of a tiger helmet, which I believe is a prop for the hockey team. Back in the arena, Finlay DDTs Funk on the exposed concrete. Funk shrugs it off and throws Fit through a table in the corner before piledriving him onto the broken wood. Cue Dustin Rhodes for Shattered Dreams on Funk. Dustin and Fit go outside to set up a table but here’s Norman Smiley to steal the pin on his own partner. Sure why not.

Rating: C+. As insane as this was and as dumb as the ending was (and as repetitive as this show has been with all the wild brawls and multi-man matches), this was actually entertaining. They made it feel like a wild fight instead of something calm and structured which is always appreciated. Good stuff here and I like the stipulation instead of just another tournament or six way match on Sunday.

The bosses tell the Villanos to destroy Sting.

We see a clip of Jeff Jarrett pretending to be a Villano and guitarring Sting from earlier in the future. Oh you don’t remember that happening? That’s because WCW screwed up the production and aired part of the show out of order. I thought I had a bad copy of the show but I looked up live reports from 2000 and it aired out of order on the original broadcast.

For all of the people who say it was a shame WCW went out of business (and I agree on some levels, especially for the wrestlers who worked hard but were stuck under a glass ceiling), this is the kind of thing its detractors point to. With all the money they had, no one could watch a two hour show and make sure it was in the right order? A college intern could do that and point out this kind of a mistake, but here it is on national TV, two days into their big reboot. There’s bad wrestling and writing, but this is pure incompetence.

So anyway, Jarrett is in the back with Gene and threatens to slap the liver spots off of him before he wins the title on Sunday.

David Arquette is here.

Ric Flair vs. Buff Bagwell

Flair is in street clothes. Bagwell hammers him down to start but Flair fires off chops in the corner. Tony talks about which teams the fans have aligned themselves with, which makes me wonder who I’m supposed to be cheering for. The old guys who hold down talent should be villains but the New Blood keep cheating and work for the evil bosses. Oh right: shades of gray. They fight to the floor and a fan dressed as Sting jumps the barricade and beats on Flair with a ball bat for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Yay for Russo getting a major spot instead of Vampiro, who was the one feuding with Flair before the reboot. That’s the power of writing the shows I guess, because we really don’t know much about Russo other than he’s few New York and likes the young guys. Why he’s going after Flair isn’t really clear but why let that stop him?

Sting vs. Los Villanos

Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Nothing probably, because WCW just lets that kind of nonsense happen. Sting has to beat all three, unlike Sid earlier. He cleans house to start and pins two Villanos in about thirty seconds with a double Scorpion Death Drop. There goes the referee, allowing the remaining Villano to hit Sting low a few times. It’s guitar time and Villano unmasks as Jeff Jarrett. I’m not going to bother with the mock shock and awe because it’s too pathetic to make fun of. Cue Page with a Diamond Cutter, giving Sting the pin.

Rating: D. You could see Russo as Sting during this match, meaning they edited the show out of order. Why? The two matches airing in either order doesn’t change anything so why mess with it? My guess is someone meddling in something they had no business being involved in and causing this kind of screwup.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Bigelow stomps him down to start but Page throws him into the corner for rights and lefts. The discus lariat gets two on Bam Bam but he comes back with a Samoan drop for two. We hit the reverse chinlock before the top rope headbutt to the back gets two. An attempt at a Diamond Cutter is countered into a ref bump but Page avoids another headbutt. The Diamond Cutter connects on the second attempt but Bischoff comes out and stops his count at two. Cue Jarrett with the guitar to knock Page out. Tony: “This is not good for Page.”

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. The psychology made sense as Bigelow (you know, the nearly fifteen year veteran who is now New Blood. I’d love to hear about him being held down) went after Page’s eternally injured ribs and back but the ending was very predictable, as always in this era.

Speaking of not good, David Arquette jumps the barricade and gets beaten up with security nowhere in sight. The Stroke puts Arquette down and here’s Kanyon to beat Jarrett up but Bischoff chairs him down. Page gets spray painted to end the show. They’re not even trying to hide the NWO stuff at this point.

Oh and no word on if Brian Knobbs died when he was backdropped off a balcony, possibly dropping thirty feet onto concrete. Bischoff’s run-in was more important.

Overall Rating: C+. If you ignore the horrible production error, the constant run-in finishes and all the sucking up to Russo and Bischoff, this was actually a heck of a show and the best Thunder in a long time. The wrestling was good to quite good and they basically put together the entire card for Sunday in one night. That’s quite the task but they pulled it off here. Not bad.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #235
Date: April 10, 2000
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s kind of hard to preview this show as it’s all about the company being reset. Russo and Bischoff are coming in to a bigger reception than Hogan back in 1994 because they’re writers and therefore more important than anything else. Since WCW is stupid, this is also the go home show for Spring Stampede, which has nothing set up so far. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Most of the roster is in and around the ring to start. More come out as this isn’t the most thrilling start. Jeff Jarrett gets to talk first because we’re just lucky that way. He came here to be the WCW World Champion but his master plan got derailed by some good old boys who couldn’t compete in his league. Jeff gets to the point and calls for the man himself: Vince Russo.

The Long Island accent with a Russo attached talks about making the WWF what it was before coming here to beat Vince McMahon at his own game. Within a few weeks, the new blood of WCW was making a change, but then the good old boy network kicked in. All the political BS in the back brought Russo down and all those people are sitting at home watching him now.

Then they decided that a change had to come and Russo was sent home. Even some of the wrestlers knew the change would suck. The Radicalz knew it and left. Scott Steiner knew it and got suspended. Well now the good old boys network is gone and it’s time for the young guys to rise. This brings out Bischoff and they hug, giving us the new power team. The good old boys network screwed both of them over with Bischoff listing Diamond Dallas Page, Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan in particular.

We see Sting, Luger, Sid and Page watching on a monitor in the back. Bischoff goes on about Hogan, even apologizing to everyone in the ring for how much trouble Hogan caused them. Now Bischoff wants to see the old guys so here they come. “What’s up Sid? No softball game?”

Page doesn’t know what Eric is smoking so Bischoff tells him to screw off. Bischoff takes credit for rebuilding Sting’s career as the announcers sound like they’re in awe of this. A level playing field where everyone has to earn their spot is promised but first Russo has something to say to Ric Flair. After promising to wipe Flair off the bottom of his shoe, Russo drops the bombshell: all titles are vacant.

The bored crowd chants for Goldberg as Sid says he won’t give up his title. Bischoff comes up to him and threatens the end of Sid’s career. “What’s the matter Sid? Can’t find your scissors?” Madden: “WOW!” The fans are silent so Bischoff repeats the line. Amazingly enough, the fans are still silent. Sid finally hands it over and Eric announces that all champions will be crowned at Spring Stampede.

That one part where Bischoff mentioned an inside reference and no one reacted sums up this show thing. This was a twenty minute segment made up almost entirely of insider stories and statements that went over the heads of probably 98% of the audience. What good old boys network is he talking about and how did they ruin what Russo had going on? Yeah I know what they’re talking about because it’s 2015 and this is all ancient history. How many people had any idea what they were talking about in 2000? Also of course ignore the fact that this is Russo yet AGAIN blaming everyone else for his ideas bombing.

This was a long segment to set up the new Russo and Bischoff regime and let them get in their shots at Vince and all of their other enemies (read as anyone else who has ever had a different idea) as the fans are left sitting there wondering what in the world is going on. Finally, it really doesn’t instill me with confidence when the new writers who are supposed to save the company are basically saying “yeah this is too complicated for us to fix so let’s just reset the whole thing instead of booking our way out of it.” That’s quite the opening impression.

Hogan arrives.

During the break, all the wrestlers in the ring left.

Sting and Hogan talk about what just happened and Sting says Bischoff might as well have just kicked Hogan between the legs. Sting: “I’m not ribbing you.”

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Total Package

This isn’t a tournament for the title, but rather a tournament to face Jeff Jarrett for the title on Sunday. Page’s music stops halfway through his entrance and he has no pyro. Because he has to prove himself you see. Prove himself in the World Title tournament he’s already in that is.

Luger, as in the guy who was out most of last year and hasn’t had an important win since Halloween Havoc, doesn’t have music either as he comes to the ring as one of five potential World Title winners. It’s ten minutes after the promise of a level playing field and they’re already defying their own logic. In case you’re wondering, Page’s last major win would probably be……well also at Halloween Havoc.

The match starts slow with both guys looking like they’re in their 40s who are out there for a healthy paycheck. The announcers ignore the match to talk about Bischoff riding Hogan’s coattails in another argument that no common fan would care about. Luger stomps Page in the corner and chokes with a boot as Madden makes fun of Page as is his custom.

Some backbreakers have Page in trouble AND IT’S ANGLE TIME! Buff Bagwell comes out with full music and pyro to distract Luger, allowing Page to get in a low blow. Tony: “What’s going to happen next in this program? It’s only segment two!” Luger and his gonads of steel shrug off the low blow and Page gets powerslammed, only to have Buff go after Liz for a distraction. That would be the second distraction of the match and it allows Page to Diamond Cut Luger for the pin. He gets about half a second of music before they cut it off again.

Rating: D-. Oh man this show is going to SUCK. They had a four and a half minute match between two veterans who have to prove themselves and it took two distractions and a no sold low blow to put Luger down. This is going to be the old Russo idea of running an angle or three in every match because the fans are too stupid to just watch a match without some bonus entertainment to carry them through. Oh and great: we might even get Luger vs. Bagwell out of this. Again. For like the dozenth time.

Hogan can’t find Bischoff.

Hennig asks Russo why he isn’t in the World Title scene. Russo gives him Jarrett tonight and if he wins, he gets in the World Title match on Sunday. So there are officially three semi-final matches for two spots in a final? Now they’re ignoring the laws of numbers.

Here’s Tank Abbott to say he’s a shootfight and not a wrestler. Well we’ve known that for months but at least it’s confirmed. Tank came here for Goldberg and what a coincidence that Goldberg got hurt the week Tank arrived. Starting tonight, he’s going to beat up innocent bystanders until Goldberg comes back. First up: Mark Madden, who loses his shirt in the beating.

Jarrett tells Russo that it better be good.

Kidman tells Torrie he wants to do this.

Hogan is given directions to Bischoff’s office. These three scenes took a combined 15 seconds.

Hogan finds Bischoff and they talk in an office.

Here’s Kidman with a microphone. He feels like he’s been handed a get out of jail free card because he and the rest of the New Blood (of course it’s an official thing now) have been held down by the old guys. Kidman wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, who has been talking about him a lot lately. Hogan doesn’t have the heart and talent that Kidman have and it’s taken all those years of spotlight to give Hogan that grotesque orange tan. He calls Hogan out and wouldn’t you know it, Hogan is walking past a monitor in the back.

Hogan comes out and thankfully Hudson explains what the heck Kidman is talking about, because Kidman certainly didn’t go into details about it. Again: WCW assumes that all of the fans are on the internet reading everything. Hogan says Kidman gives the young guys in this business a bad name. He brings up Torrie and Kidman goes after him, which Tony declares as the world turning upside down.

They fight to the floor with Hogan getting the better of it (expected) and beating Kidman up even more back inside. Cue Bischoff with a chair. Hogan runs his hand over his eyebrow and gets hit with the chair, drawing blood right where his hand went over the eyebrow. I remember seeing that as a kid and yelling at my TV how fake it looked. Kidman gets a cover and pin with Bischoff counting the three, in what is probably the only time Hogan lays down for him, or anyone for that matter.

Ric Flair arrives.

Hogan wants Bischoff and Kidman and swears a lot.

Flair watches the opening segment in the back and comes to the ring. Ric talks about Russo growing up as a Flair fan (not likely in New York but whatever) and now he thinks Flair is old. In this town, Brian Griese (current Denver Broncos quarterback) throws a lot of touchdown passes but that doesn’t make fans forget about John Elway because in this town, Elway is the man. Flair was always great at throwing in the sports analogies and getting easy pops (not a bad thing) for them.

Bischoff has the guts to walk up to come to Ric face to face and he isn’t wasting money on attorneys again, so get out here right now. Instead Flair gets Scott Steiner, who calls Flair’s teeth crooked. All of the WWF’s current champions came from WCW (no, they didn’t) because Flair and company ran them off. Steiner puts in some fake teeth to do a Flair impression, allowing Shane Douglas to return and attack Flair.

Kevin Nash returns on crutches.

Bret Hart is in the crowd.

Flair is looking for Douglas.

As luck would have it, Douglas is with Gene, who gets more emotional than you’ll ever see him over what Shane just did. Douglas says that was the beginning of Flair’s road and he’s going to do whatever he wants.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sid Vicious vs. Sting

Now this would be the semi-finals to advance to the final for the final as opposed to the semi-final for the final. Got that? These guys get their music all the way to the ring because Russo and Bischoff have already forgotten that story. Sting sidesteps a charge to start and kicks Sid onto the turnbuckle, setting up a splash to send Sid outside. Sid comes back and mocks the crowd a bit as I had already forgotten he turned heel a few weeks ago. Back in and Sting’s splash hits knees (not feet as Tony calls them) to keep Sid in control.

A cobra clutch slam gets two before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Cue the Wall with a table and the referee gets put down. Sid powerbombs Sting (now the Millennium Bomb. I kind of dig that name actually) but gets chaired in the back. Wall chokeslams Sid through the table and that’s a countout because SID’S BODY LAYING ON A BROKEN TABLE isn’t enough to make the referee think anything is up.

Rating: D. These two have been having decent to good matches for eleven years and it took Vince Russo less than seven minutes (longest match of the night of course) to screw that up. Wall going after Sid could be one heck of a mess, but at least it’s another young guy getting a push against a veteran.

Here’s Ric Flair to challenge Shane Douglas for later tonight. Not next week, not at the pay per view, not at some point in the future. Tonight, because Russo doesn’t understand what it means to build to a match. That being said, Flair is the only person here who hasn’t sounded stupid. It’s almost like he knows what he’s doing.

Hogan is still on a rampage.

Back from a break and Hogan is still on a rampage and beats up Shannon Moore and Shane Helms for not knowing where Kidman is.

Clip of the Ready to Rumble premiere.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Curt Hennig

I guess this is a tournament match. I mean, the winner goes to the title match on Sunday so why not. They start brawling in the aisle despite no personal issue between the two of them. Curt takes him over to the announcers’ table for a beating before Jeff clotheslines him down inside. We get the Jarrett sleeper/suplex sequence but here’s the debuting Shawn Stasiak (formerly Meat in the WWF) to what sounds like Curt Hennig’s old Mr. Perfect music.

The distraction makes Hennig throw a wild back elbow which Jarrett ducks and the referee gets bumped. I can’t say it hit the referee because it didn’t come close but Little Naitch went down anyway. Stasiak comes in and mostly fails at lifting Hennig up for a fireman’s carry before dropping him in what can be most accurately described as a reverse F5. It was so botched that there’s really no describing the move. The Stroke gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: D+. For those of you counting, this is the third match that has ended as a result of someone interfering. It’s clear that WCW has decided they know what we want as wrestling fans and if we object we’re not giving them enough of a chance. The match could have been good had it been a match and not a punching fest, but these two are just wrestlers and no one would want to see that.

Hogan is storming through sky boxes to find Bischoff.

Nash tells someone to get here if they can.

Sting says he is loyalty and he’s coming after Russo’s golden boy on Sunday.

Ric Flair vs. Shane Douglas

Both guys are in street clothes. They’re quickly on the floor with Ric firing off chops, followed by a low blow back inside. Hudson goes off about Douglas talking trash about Flair on the dirt sheets as Shane kicks Flair low. Cue Russo with a bat to hit Flair and that’s a DQ.

Russo steals Flair’s watch.

Here’s Kevin Nash, who immediately rips on the new bosses who are trying to be wrestlers and screw over some of the boys. He wants to know what happened to that sweet little wrestling show we had every Monday? Like, where is the Dog when you need him? Nash has been talking to Hall, who wants to come back soon. Neither Bischoff or Russo would be here if not for he and Hall, especially Russo who they had to save from Shawn Michaels over and over. This brings out the debuting and reigning ECW World Champion to beat Nash down. Awesome wants some of this opportunity that Russo and Bischoff are offering.

Hogan is on the phone in his limo and demanding Kidman soon. The Hummer (from last summer, now white instead of black) comes up and crushes the limo. Bischoff and Kidman get out and celebrate.

WCW World Title Tournament Final: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting

The winner gets Jarrett on Sunday so Jeff is on commentary. Page is thrown outside to start before a pair of Stinger Splashes put him down again. The Deathlock is broken up by an arm in the ropes and Page gets two off a belly to belly. Jarrett goes after Kimberly so Page head outside, allowing Vampiro to run in give Sting the Nail in the Coffin. A Diamond Cutter sends Page to Spring Stampede.

Rating: D. I’m almost done with this show. It’s almost over. If I can get through a few more minutes, this will finally be over. Then I can watch ANYTHING ELSE and see a different finish, because it’s clear that we’re going to be seeing a lot of the same things over and over again and it’s going to get more and more annoying every week. This was just a brief workout until the ending happened, as all the matches have been so far.

Jarrett swings the guitar at Page but hits Kimberly instead.

After a break, Jarrett comes out for the closing speech. He talks about six days before his destiny is fulfilled when he is finally crowned WCW World Champion. Cue Page to beat Jarrett down but Scott Steiner hits the ring to make it 2-1. Luger, now a face I guess, comes in to help Page but Bagwell, Vampiro and Wall came in. By George WE’VE GOT STABLE WARS!!! Sting’s save doesn’t work as Booker T. (yes T.) comes in to help the New Blood. The New Blood obliterates the Millionaire’s Club as Russo and Bischoff come out to watch. They go to leave but an angry Bret Hart is waiting for them to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. I can’t call it a failure because they had an idea but that doesn’t mean it was a well executed idea. Nash summed it up best: what happened to the wrestling show? It’s very clear that under Russo and Bischoff, this has stopped being a wrestling show and is now just a poorly written drama.

The idea of having the youth vs. the old guys is solid, but when the stuff like “they have to earn their music and pyro” is literally forgotten fifteen minutes after it starts and the stories are almost all based around dirtsheets that wouldn’t be frequently read today, those stories are quickly forgotten. That’s Russo in a nutshell: yeah there are ideas there, but the ton of horrible stuff on top of them crush any positives.

Either way, this show was not good. It had a lot going on, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good show. Spring Stampede feels like it has the potential to be an even bigger disaster and I’m terrified to think what we might have to sit through in order to form Russo and Bischoff’s vision for WCW.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #232
Date: March 20, 2000
Location: O’Connell Center, Gainsville, Florida
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

Uncensored has come and gone and I think we’re all a little bit better because of that. I’m not entirely sure what you would call the big story coming off the show but I guess Scott Steiner returning for the second time this year is up there. It’s not a good time to be a WCW fan at the moment and last night gave me no reason to think that is going to change anytime soon. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today Sid arrived to a small mob of fans who are thrilled that he’s still World Champion. Maybe WCW wouldn’t be in so much trouble if they didn’t fund such massive brainwashing experiments.

Opening sequence.

Gene brings out Sid Vicious to open things up. Madden is already ripping on Hogan for coming out to help Sid when Sid didn’t need it, which sounds like we should be leading up to Sid vs. Hogan, which makes sense and would probably suck the least out of any match they could throw at us at this point. Sid is glad to finally have Jeff Jarrett off his back and loves the fact that he got to prove Jarrett wrong last night. In a sudden side trip, Sid says it doesn’t matter what you do to a pig because it’s still a pig. But what if you make it into pork chops?

Cue Jarrett because this feud MUST continue. Jarrett has pinned Sid three times in the past so it’s clear that he has Sid’s number, and Sid is only still champion because of Hogan. Sid says bring it but Jeff says he wants another title match, which Sid won’t give him. Instead, Jarrett has a solution: a tag match, and if Jeff pins Sid, he gets another shot. If he can’t though, he never asks for another shot again. The fans LOVE that idea but Jeff wants to introduce us to his partner first.

Of course it’s Scott Steiner, who would seem to be the newest member of the NWO and with some tape over his mouth with the word CENSORED written across it. Threats are made but Sid says he doesn’t need a partner, even though he could find one really easily. Cue Hogan of course, to talk about being the baddest man the NWO ever had. Hogan has seen Sid carrying the belt tall and proud, so Sid is the man to get WCW back on track. I love that they’re just admitting that WCW is in trouble on national TV. The match is on. There’s a joke there about Hogan and Teddy Long but I’ll let you guys fill in the punchline yourselves.

Tony gives us a quick recap of Uncensored. How can a thirty second speech sound so boring?

Tonight: Sting vs. Flair. Somehow that sounds like the best idea they’ve had in weeks.

Luger tells Flair to take care of Sting tonight while he takes out Vampiro. Flair rants about both of them and it’s very nice to see Vampiro being thrown into the deep end like this. You have to try that at some point, which is (arguably) the biggest knock against WCW over the years.

Ricky Rachman and Spring Breakout are still coming. Be still my beating heart.

Chavo Guerrero says he’s back to get the Cruiserweight Title and get his finances in order. He steals Gene’s wallet to help himself out.

Chris Candido vs. Lash Leroux

Paisley and the (silent) Artist are on commentary. Before the match, Candido calls himself the greatest example of a pure wrestler going today, because he doesn’t need a gimmick, costume, catchphrase of a trashy valet. Oh I’m guessing she’s coming later. Lash dropkicks Candido down to take over in a hurry but Chris quickly makes the ropes to hide. A dropkick and shoulder put Candido down again, only to have him come back with an enziguri.

Candido scores with a nice delayed vertical suplex as Madden talks about Candido winning a 10-1 handicap match. Madden: “I think Big Josh was involved.” Candido’s guillotine legdrop gets two as we discuss Madden wearing purple. Lash’s comeback is quickly stopped and a top rope superplex sets up a swan dive to give Chris the quick pin. Nice debut here and they can’t get Artist away from the title soon enough.

Lane and Rave ask Miss Hancock who she’s found to replace them. Hancock promises to debut them on Thunder: Los Fabulosos.

Fit Finlay vs. La Parka

Time for some chair dancing and VOICEOVER GUY! La Parka talks about being in the hizzouse and the 1414, meaning one for him and one for his homies. Finlay has one chance to leave before La Parka knocks the Lucky Charms out of him. La Parka tries to beg off and says that’s not his voice but Finlay beats him up anyway.

The masked man gets dropped throat first across the top rope, which might clean up some of those vocal issues. A HUGE back elbow to the jaw puts La Parka down again but Finlay goes to the floor for no apparent reason, only to avoid a plancha. Back in and La Parka loads up a crane kick, only to take a Regal Roll for another quick pin. At least La Parka is funny.

Kidman and Booker talk strategy. Madden talks Torrie’s cleavage.

Vampiro takes the cast off his hand and bangs it against the wall. The concrete kind, not the monster.

Stills of Wall vs. Bigelow, which Tony calls a collection of painful bumps.

Gene brings out David Flair and Daffney for a special message for America. This could be, dare I say it, interesting. David drags out a table and I don’t see this ending well. He talks about Bigelow and Crowbar sharing a hospital room so he wants Wall out here right now to put him through that table. There goes the neck brace and here comes Wall, who no sells a fire extinguisher blast from Daffney and chokeslams David through the table. The announcers say David can join Bigelow and Crowbar in their hospital room. Well no wonder he can’t get healthy if he gets injured in Gainsville and goes all the way to Miami for treatment.

Tony: “Right now it’s our Wolverine Boot Stomp of the Night! Ok I guess it’s not!”

To take your mind off that, here’s a centerfold of Torrie in the latest WCW Magazine.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Twins vs. Kidman/Booker

The Twins are defending. Madden brings up the NWO only needing one more belt to have them all, which makes me realize how horrible that group really is as I do not care in the slightest. Booker kicks Ron down to start and we get an early Spinarooni. Off to Don vs. Kidman with the bald guy doing a very weak tilt-a-whirl…..I guess you can call that a slam. At least it sounds better than tilt-a-whirl gently lay down. Booker comes in to take out both Twins and hits a bad looking Rock Bottom for two on Ron (jump dude), followed by the Bodog from Kidman. That’s enough for the Twins as a belt shot draws the DQ.

Torrie gets on Don’s back but gets thrown down, earning Don a chair to the head.

The Mamalukes tell Disco to get them a rematch or he’s out. Disco says it’s really their fault so Vito says Disco is out.

Total Package vs. Vampiro

So much for Vampiro’s push. Before the match, Luger tells Vampiro that this is his welcome to the major leagues but he only has a wiffle ball bat. Vampiro sneaks in through the crowd for an enziguri to start fast but Luger goes low to take over. What looks to be a Rack attempt is turned into a belly to back suplex before Luger starts kicking at the bad arm. Vampiro tries going to the floor but Luger drives an ax handle into the back and posts him for good measure.

Back in and Luger drops him with a gorilla press, which means he must be running out of moves to use. Vampiro comes back with a bunch of kicks as Tony is STUNNED that Vampiro could get in offense on someone like Luger. A top rope clothesline gets two on Luger but here’s Ric Flair, who is quickly dropped by an elbow. The distraction is enough for Luger to get in a bat shot though and the Rack is good for the submission.

Rating: D+. Dang that was close. Vampiro was getting close to get over as a young face here but Luger took him out just in time. Standard WCW formula here: the young guy gets close but can’t get the win because it just wouldn’t work to let Vampiro get a fluke win because it might hurt Luger’s spot, as if he actually might not be near the top of the card until he dies. I mean, he was a big star like eight years ago.

Sting makes the save.

Scott Steiner says it’s hard to keep a hard man down and rants about Hogan being as successful as he was because of people like Steiner behind him.

More Rachman.

Nitro Girls.

Dustin Rhodes is tired of being held down by the old guys so he’s taking them out one by one, starting with Curt Hennig tonight.

We see clips of a press conference after Uncensored went off the air last night. Oh man let’s get this over with. Sid wasn’t surprised by anything Jeff threw at him last night but here’s Hogan to officially endorse Sid but the spotlight is taken away from Sid and he doesn’t seem thrilled. This is of course totally different than the Wrestlemania VIII press conference where Hogan stole the spotlight from Sid to get on his nerves back in 1992.

Norman Smiley vs. Hugh Morrus

Smiley is past his demon phase but has gone with something far more terrifying: a Florida Gators jersey. Smiley grabs a cravate to start but Morrus elbows him in the jaw to break up the spanking dance. A butterfly suplex is countered into a sunset flip to give Norman two but another elbow puts him down again. Some dancing elbows (he’s a man of limited offense) get two for Morrus as he pulls Smiley up. A powerslam gets the same treatment before No Laughing Matter ends the destruction. That’s what Smiley gets for getting popular when WCW doesn’t want him to. Serves him right for the hard work.

Demon comes out to check on Norman but gets laid out too. So we have the popular Norman, the guy with a pop culture connection, and the one step above average power brawler. Guess who gets to stand tall.

Hennig says he’ll beat Dustin because he’s unbeatable. That doesn’t mean he’ll beat Dustin. They could just go to a draw, which means Dustin wouldn’t win but Hennig wouldn’t lose. Hennig really should get these details right.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig still has a cast on. Rhodes takes him into the corner to start as Madden declares himself a Rhodes fan for how Dustin ripped on Hogan. Hennig comes back with a neckbreaker and right hands, followed by the necksnap. A big right hand knocks Curt to the floor and Dustin slams the cast into the barricade before ripping the cast off for the DQ. Really, that’s a DQ?

Dustin hits the referee but Hogan makes the save. Hogan and…..midcarders? Huh? I mean HUH??? Tony: “Thank God for Hogan.”

Sid promises to win tonight and tells Jimmy to make sure no one comes to the ring tonight.

Sting says he has to fight Ric at least one more time, but tonight Team Package is split right down the middle and, I quote, “Team Package is like two peas in a pod.” That was the funniest unintentional line in months, or maybe I’m just desperate for anything remotely amusing.

Tank Abbott vs. Barbarian

Meng is watching backstage and says not long now Tank, not long at all. WHY CAN MENG TALK??? I know he has before but again, MONSTERS DON’T TALK. Slugout to start with Barbarian getting the better of it but Tank slams him down and puts on a front facelock before the big punch knocks Barbarian out. Just a longer version of Tank’s usual stuff.

Flair starts talking as he walks to the ring but we cut to Sting for more walking.

Ricky Rachman is a thing for the third time tonight.

Sting vs. Ric Flair

This is Sting’s first match on Nitro since December. They start with a basic sequence as Sting shoulders him down, knocks Flair to the apron, clotheslines him to the floor and clotheslines him on the floor for good measure. The Stinger Splash against the barricade misses though (that’s up there with Flair’s…..whatever off the top) and Ric takes over.

Back in and Flair punches him in the jaw to drop Sting, possibly wanting to knock off Sting’s beard at the same time. It’s time to no sell chops though with a pair of press slams, including one off the top. Cue Luger who gets beaten up as well and it’s Stinger Splashes all around, setting up the Scorpion to make Flair give up.

Rating: C-. Flair vs. Sting is one of those matches that automatically receives a higher rating by definition. It’s just a hard pairing to screw up because they’re both talented and have fought so many times that it’s almost impossible for them to screw up out there. I have no idea why we’re still seeing them fight, but the terrifying reason is that they’re one of the few combinations that still might work around here. You know, of course omitting any pairing of old vs. new because those are just out of the question.

Luger and Flair beat Sting down until Vampiro makes the save.

Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious/Hulk Hogan

If Jarrett gets pinned, he can never ask for a title shot again, but if he pins Sid, he gets the next shot. Jeff ejects the girls again and tells them to warm up the jacuzzi. Hogan and Jarrett get things going with Hulk hammering away and sending Jeff face first into Sid’s boot. Sid and Hogan take turns on Jeff’s arm before Hogan goes back to his comfort zone of right hands in the corner. At least they look better than last night’s batch.

Steiner breaks up a chokeslam attempt and the bag guys take over with the bicep curl elbow getting two. Scott charges into a boot in the corner and the tag brings in Hogan to clean house. The fans chant for Hogan and Sid isn’t happy. The big boot drops Jarrett and Hogan loads up the legdrop, only to charge into a chokeslam…..for the pin due to reasons that I don’t want to understand.

Rating: D. So now they’re just flat out ripping off the main event of Wrestlemania VIII, right down to the tag match that set it up. Sid is a heel now, meaning the top faces are once again Hogan and Sting with……Vampiro in third place I guess. Bad match, but like I said earlier, do they have a better option than Hogan vs. Sid right now? Hogan vs. a monster is as simple of an idea as you can have, even in 2000.

Sid talks trash to Hogan to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. WCW at this point is in a weird place as they’re getting the most out of what they have, but the ceiling is so low on what they can accomplish that it’s not saying much. This was more watchable than Uncensored as they’re keeping the wrestling short, but the stories are just not doing it. They’re such basic ideas with people who can’t back it up in the ring and that’s not going to work in either the short term or the long term.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

We had to get here eventually. This is one of the lamest sounding shows I’ve seen in a very long time and it’s not something I want to sit through again. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid for the World Title, but the real big match is Hogan vs. Flair, because we only did that last year at this same show so it’s high time to do it again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the triple main event of Hogan vs. Flair, Sid vs. Jarrett and Luger vs. Sting. Two of those men are under 40 and that number would go down to one in about two and a half months.

Hogan and Sid have a chat in the back where they say to watch each other’s back.

Jarrett tells the Harris Twins that he has an insurance policy.

A limo is here.

The opening pyro doesn’t get much of a reaction from the people. There’s a shot of the crowd and they look like they’re about to watch an instructional film on how to properly wash their hands.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psychosis

Artist is defending after Psychosis beat Kaz Hayashi to earn this shot on Thunder. Their video to set this up shows Hayashi pinning Psychosis a few weeks back, but somehow that didn’t earn him a title shot. The announcers talk about the Artist dominating the division for the last few months, despite him not even having the belt for a month yet. To be fair, I doubt anyone remembers the last few months of the cruiserweights at this point. Paisley and Juventud Guerrera are the seconds here.

Before we can get going, we get more music and it’s….the debuting Chris Candido to do commentary. After a minute of no contact so Candido can come out, the Artist (and his slimming purple vertical striped shirt) charges into the corner, allowing Psychosis to hurricanrana the champ down. Artist ties him in the Tree of Woe for some lame kicks to the ribs before a superkick gets two. The ring mic seems a bit low tonight as there isn’t a ton of sound when people hit the mat.

Psychosis is sent into the steps before Artist nails a running clothesline in the corner. Instead of a chinlock, Artist pulls on Psychosis’ hair with a knee in his back. That’s rather effective. A clothesline (to the middle of the chest) doesn’t have much effect on Psychosis so he comes back with a top rope hurricanrana for two.

Psychosis plants him with a sitout gordbuster (hopefully knocking some skills into Artist’s head) and Juvy goes after an interfering Paisley, who beats him up and takes off his shirt. There’s the guillotine legdrop but Psychosis pulls away at two to yell at Paisley. Or maybe he’s asking where she got her catsuit. Artist’s middle rope DDT (with Psychosis jumping into it) retains the title.

Rating: D. I feel like I have to say this every single time he’s out there, but Artist just isn’t very good. He’s such a generic wrestler and his finisher, while cool in theory, is almost never executed properly as the other guy has to jump up to give their head to Iaukea. Bad choice for an opener here as this did nothing to fire me up for the rest of the show.

Tony throws it to Gene. “That’s how you fill some time.” Just……yeah.

Bam Bam Bigelow regrets bringing the Wall into this business because he’s going about it all wrong. Tonight, he’s finishing the Wall and showing him how to do it right. Again, this is one of the better done stories in WCW at this point.

XS vs. Norman Smiley/The Demon

Somehow this ties into Miss Hancock as she comes down to do commentary before Norman and Demon make their entrances. I’m still not sure what the story is here other than XS being jerks and messing with Demon and Hancock being annoyed at XS for dumping her. Hancock thinks XS stands for extra small.

Demon’s casket appears and Norman comes out in full Demon garb. Demon throws Rave (is that his name this week?) around to start but gets knocked outside, leaving Norman to take over in the ring. Lane takes the spanking dance (not the Big Wiggle. You don’t come back from that) and things settle down again. Hancock says she has a new tag team in Los Fabulosos: Silver King and El Dandy. Tony: “If there was ever a time to be El Dandy, it’s right now.” Demon gets double teamed as the fans LOUDLY chant for Norman. That says a lot given how small the crowd is in such a big building.

XS tries a double clothesline on Demon, but it winds up putting Rave and Demon down as Lane stays on his feet….and falls down a few seconds later. Do these people just not get physics? The hot tag brings in Norman to clean house with right hands and the swinging slam to Lane. A school boy gets two on Norman and everything breaks down as the announcers start spouting off KISS lyrics. Demon and Lane go outside, leaving Norman to put Rave in the Norman’s Conquest for the win. That was sudden.

Rating: D. Other than Miss Hancock, I have no idea what the appeal was supposed to be here. This was a lame Nitro level match with Norman being OH SO FUNNY as the Demon, even though he wrestled like he always does. Tragically for him though, the fans seem to love him so he’s dead where he stands. This didn’t need to be on pay per view but at least it killed a few minutes.

Post match XS blames Hancock for the loss and tries to kidnap her but the Screamin Demons make the save. Hancock dances with Norman. Now that deserves to be on pay per view.

Kidman and Booker argue again.

Quick recap of Wall destroying everything in his path over the last few weeks, which has mainly been David Flair and Crowbar.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

They slug it out to start with Bigelow getting the better of it until he charges into a clothesline. Bigelow slams Wall down and hits the top rope headbutt for two. A pair of boots to the face gets the same thing on Bigelow but he grabs a running DDT for his second two. Wall comes back with a Cactus Clothesline and they fight to the back where Wall chokeslams Bigelow through a table for the DQ.

Rating: D. Well that happened. This was looking like a decent brawl until the lame ending in less than three and a half minutes. The story makes sense here and it’s good to see Wall get the better of it (this is one of those cases where leaving Bigelow laying is better than getting a win) but I don’t see this getting him anywhere because WCW.

Post match David Flair and Crowbar go after Wall with Crowbar getting in some good shots. Bigelow is loaded onto a stretcher, likely due to shock of how lame the table spot was. Crowbar and Wall wind up on the metal set and, of course, Crowbar gets chokeslammed through the wooden part of the set. Wall has a euphoric look on his face, which is totally and completely different than Bubba Ray Dudley’s euphoric look when he puts people through tables. Fans: “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!”

Crowbar is taken out on a stretcher and this takes forever. The announcers get serious, so let’s go to Brian Knobbs, who dedicates his next match to David Flair and Crowbar. David wasn’t really hurt but let’s dedicate it to him anyway.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

3 Count is defending as a unit and this is elimination rules. Before the match, it’s time for some singing and dancing, which is more entertaining than the previous match but Knobbs interrupts. Tony actually asks how they can call this match when they aren’t sure if Crowbar is ever going to walk again and think they should stop the show. OH SCREW OFF. This comes off as trying to play off of Owen Hart’s death and Vince not stopping the show. As in a real life death being compared to a scripted bump. If that’s what they were doing, then WCW deserves to go under on this night instead of a year later.

Anyway, Knobbs brings some weapons down and shrugs off 3 Count using them against him. Shannon gets a Pit Stop but Shane (in a mask to protect his broken nose) blasts Brian in the face with a chair. They whip him into a ladder and all three dive off the top of it with splashes/a Swanton. The champs stop for some dancing but eat a big blast from a fire extinguisher, followed by a chair to Shane’s broken nose for the first elimination.

Knobbs spends a minute setting up a table before powerbombing Evan through it to get this down to one on one. Helms is back up despite being eliminated but Knobbs easily beats him down as well. Brian falls over a table with Shannon on top for three but Knobbs is in the ropes, which apparently saves you in a hardcore match. So falls count anywhere, as long as you’re not in the ropes? I felt stupid just typing something like that. Knobbs beats up Evan and Shane again before a middle rope trashcan shot to Shannon gives him the title back. Tenay: “Respectability just came back to the hardcore division!”

Rating: D-. A foot on the ropes in a hardcore match. Not only does WCW not get why the WWF’s hardcore division worked, but they also don’t get what hardcore is supposed to be about. 3 Count as champions had potential but why go with something interesting when you can go with one of Hogan’s friends?

Harlem Heat is ready.

The limo is still sitting there.

Vampiro says he’s ashamed by the things he sees and the violent things he thinks about doing. He wants to be a good person but Fit Finlay keeps pushing him to do very bad things. Tony: “You could subtitle Uncensored very bad things.”

Kidman/Booker vs. Harlem Heat

J. Biggs sits in on commentary because we haven’t had a guest commentator in a few matches now. Booker slugs away at Stevie to start as you can see five very empty seats about ten rows off the floor. You would think they would send someone out there to hide how bad that looks. Kidman comes in and loses the team’s advantage, allowing for the tag off to Big T. It’s back to Booker to clean about half the house but Harlem Heat double teams Kidman down again.

Torrie gets on the apron for no apparent reason and Biggs calls her a yak. Kidman gets thrown outside where Big T. can dive over the barricade to take him down again, causing a small earthquake in the process. Booker breaks up a cover and Biggs keeps jabbering away, only to finally shut up when Kidman DDT’s Stevie for a breather. The hot tag brings in Booker to clean the rest of the house.

The Rock Bottom gets two on T. and a second one drops Ray. Stevie isn’t the legal man though so it’s a double side slam instead, with Kidman making a fast save. Tony: “TEAMWORK!” Kidman shoves Stevie into Cash and comes in for a sunset flip on T. with Booker kicking him over to give Kidman the pin.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here and the right team won, but I don’t buy for a second that they’re going to be used properly, at least not with the Harris Twins around to suck the life out of anything that’s going on in the tag division. Kidman and Booker work well together and we got to see Torrie so this is pretty easily the best thing of the night so far.

We look at Crowbar being chokeslammed through the stage again.

Recap of Finlay vs. Vampiro, which has really just been Finlay attacking him backstage. This comes after Vampiro was getting some cups of coffee in the main event. Now he’s here.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Oh and let’s make it falls count anywhere because Heaven forbid we have more than one or two wrestling matches tonight. Finlay puts him down to start and we’re on a nerve hold thirty seconds in. Vampiro fights up and nails a top rope spinwheel kick before slowly stomping away. That’s fine with Finlay who gets a chair, but Little Naitch takes it away because this is falls count anywhere and not a No DQ match.

Instead they head outside with Finlay dropping him throat first across the barricade, meaning it’s time to fight into the crowd. It gets all the way to the concourse as they do the “grab hair and walk with me” formula. They hit the women’s room as I’m still trying to figure out why these two are even fighting like this. It goes to the men’s room for the sake of taste and Vampiro climbs onto a stall but dives into a trashcan shot. They leave again and the lights turn red before both guys head outside. Never mind as they head back inside where Vampiro sends him into a wall and The Nail in the Coffin on the concrete ends Finlay.

Rating: D. BUT WHY WERE THEY FIGHTING??? I’ve been watching the TV shows lately and I still have no idea why these two are even mad at each other. I know they’ve had issues in the back but what started it all? Vampiro is stuck back down on the card instead of doing something important because he was on the verge of mattering and WCW will not stand for that.

Vampiro walks through the crowd. Roman Reigns he is not.

The Mamalukes are ready for their title defense.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Brothers vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes (Big Vito/Johnny the Bull) are defending against Ron and Don. We’ll make it No DQ just so things don’t stay boring. Disco jumps in on commentary too so we can keep up the trend. Vito hammers on Don to start and the Twins take a breather on the floor. Back in and Johnny powerslams Don for two before it’s right back to Vito.

Don doesn’t know how to sell a double elbow to the jaw (hint: FALL DOWN!) and instead hits Vito low to take over. The champs take over on the now legal Ron (does it matter if he’s legal in a No DQ match?) and hit something like the H Bomb for two. Don can’t even hit Johnny from the apron properly (it looked like he was messing with his hair) but it’s enough for Ron to take over for the first time.

Don side slams Johnny for two but the Bull is able to make the tag so Vito can fire off his good looking kicks. A top rope elbow gets two on Ron and a Hart Attack gets the same. Back in and the H Bomb gets two on Vito with Johnny making the save. Disco sneaks in with a belt shot to Ron for two but Don lays everyone out with the belt and the H Bomb to Vito gives the Twins the titles. Lucky us.

Rating: D. So the boring team just beat the ok team to win the titles. Like I said, lucky us. It was a watchable match but there was no need for this to be No DQ. The Twins are one of the least interesting teams that I’ve seen in a long time and I have no idea who decided they should be in the main event scene.

Finlay admits that the better man won tonight and wants Vampiro to keep that fire burning.

Ric Flair praises Lex Luger again because that’s all he knows how to do anymore.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk, which is over how tough Dustin is compared to his daddy and then something about beating him over the head with a chicken.

Dustin says tonight is Funk’s retirement match and he’ll admit that Dustin is the American Nightmare.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Bullrope match, which is TOTALLY different than the strap match later. Terry comes out with the chicken as this feud built around someone who doesn’t even work for the company continues. Funk says he has Dustin’s baby brother here and it’s a guy in a chicken suit. Even Tony seems to find this stupid. Dustin chases the chicken and walks into a left hand from the chicken in Terry’s hand.

They’re not attached yet so Terry whips him with the rope. A cowbell to the head gets two for Terry but Dustin hits him low to take over. They’re still not tied together so Dustin just hits Terry in the head over and over with the bell. They finally tie it up and Dustin gets two off a DDT. A bulldog onto the cowbell gets two for Dustin and here’s the guy in the chicken suit again. Dustin quickly lays him out for the sake of good taste but Terry crotches him on the top rope to slow Rhodes down.

There’s a low blow with the cowbell (Madden: “That’ll hurt your ding a ling.”) Funk grabs the mic and says he’s making this an I Quit match. The referee says no and gets a cowbell to the head. Dustin takes a bunch of cowbells to the head and Dustin quits. However, that doesn’t count because this is pinfall or submission only and quitting doesn’t count. I mean just……no wait, I don’t know what I mean because THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Anyway, Terry argues with the referee, allowing Dustin to hit Terry in the head with a cowbell before a piledriver onto the bell is enough to give Rhodes the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night just end this show already. I have no idea why I was supposed to care about this but I guess these families feuded like twenty years ago and since Terry Funk doesn’t know how to retire, the thing is still going. This wasn’t interesting and was all about the whole TEXAS IS AWESOME theme, which is really annoying if you’re not from Texas.

They keep fighting post match until they just stop.

Sid is ready for Jarrett.

Recap of Sting vs. Luger, which is over Luger breaking everyone’s arm, starting with Sting.

Total Package vs. Sting

This is a lumberjack match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken surrounding the ring, plus anyone Luger could find who was willing to wear a cast as well. Tony: “Mark Madden is not wearing pants.” It took you an hour and forty five minutes to notice that???Before the match, Luger tries to calm the situation down by apologizing to everyone whose arm has been broken recently.

Luger jumps Sting before he can get the trench coat (it’s not a cape Tony) off. Sting slugs him out to the floor but it’s right in front of the heel lumberjacks. Back in and Sting goes into his greatest hits catalog but the big jumping elbow ACTUALLY CONNECTS. Madden thinks Sting’s acting career is taking off to the point that he could be the next Alicia Silverstone. Luger is sent outside and the good guys, including Doug Dillinger, stomps him down. Madden: “CALL SECURITY!”

Back in and Luger sends Sting to the heel side for the same treatment. Cue Tank Abbott to punch out Dillinger, causing the lumberjacks to finally give up and brawl to the back. Luger slaps on a chinlock as only Vampiro is left at ringside. This brings out Flair to fight Vampiro as Sting makes his comeback.

Flair comes in to rake Sting’s eyes but gets splashed in the corner. Liz sneaks in with a ball bat shot to Sting’s shoulder but Jimmy Hart runs in to take Liz away. Sting kicks out at two, with the referee having to pause a bit because Sting wasn’t kicking out in time. There’s the Torture Rack but Vampiro hits Luger in the back with the bat, setting up the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: F. How in the world are these two considered legends if this is as good as they can do? This was a HUGE mess with way too much interference and Sting looks like a loser who needed a save to make the win, even though it’s been treated like a huge victory for Sting. For some reason though, Luger is going to keep getting pushed and Flair is going to continue to be his lackey because WCW.

Vampiro and Sting hug post match. This could be a big rub for Vampiro.

Tank Abbott is asked why he hit Doug Dillinger. Tank: “Because he’s in the computer.”

We recap Jarrett vs. Sid, which is all about Jarrett hitting Sid with a lot of guitars.

The limo is opened as we’re told that the last two matches have been swapped.

Sid is surprised that he’s up next and runs off to fight. This was a totally unnecessary ten second segment.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Sid is defending. Before the match, Jeff says the girls will strip if he wins the title. Sid clotheslines him down to start and hits ten horrible right hands in the corner. Another clothesline puts Jeff on the floor and it’s already time to brawl. They head into the crowd and then up by the entrance with Sid in full control. Cue the Harris Twins to beat Sid down and give Jeff control.

Back in and Jarrett slugs away, earning himself a warning for clinched fists. The sleeper has Sid in trouble but he fights out and punches Jarrett out of the air. A big boot puts Jeff down but one of the Twins offers a distraction. The other Twin gets on the apron with the belt, only to have Jeff go face first into the gold for two. Another distraction lets Jeff get in a guitar shot as crooked referee Slick Johnson comes in to count. Hogan makes the save at two and cleans house to give Sid the easy pin to retain. Much like Sting, some hero.

Rating: D-. I guess this was their way of trying to keep the fans awake during the most boring title match in recorded history but it really didn’t do the trick. Instead this was messy and a borderline disaster, only saved by the fact that this was less than eight minutes long. Thankfully that’s it for Sid vs. Jeff but unfortunately it’s about a month too late.

Hogan and Sid get beaten down so here’s Flair to start the main event in a hurry.

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

This is a Yappapi strap match, which means strap match plus all the racist overtones you can find. It’s the four corners variety to make sure no one has to actually do a job (and by no one of course I mean Flair because Hogan isn’t losing to Flair as a face). Flair beats on him for a bit before they get tied up and it’s to the outside where Hogan takes over. Back in and Hulk chokes a bit as we hear about Flair still being upset over Bash at the Beach 1994. Flair chokes a lot but Hogan kicks him low.

The chops have no effect (Flair: “OH GOD I’M SORRY!”) and Hogan chokes even more. Now it’s time for punching and biting in the corner before Flair rakes the eyes. Using his new found advantage, Flair goes up top and gets slammed down. Jimmy Hart gets in some strap shots of his own and Ric is busted open.

They fight up to the ramp and here’s Luger to blast Hogan with a chair. Now Hulk is busted open too and a low blow stops his latest comeback attempt. Back in and Flair punches and chokes until Jimmy’s latest rescue attempt fails. The camera pans over and, I kid you not, the bottom section of chairs, as in the first probably twenty rows, is about 75% empty. Even TNA doesn’t have that kind of issues today.

Flair busts out the brass knuckles to knock Hogan out for two. Not two buckles or anything, but a two count, because even the wrestlers and referee don’t get the rules. Hulk makes his comeback, touches three buckles, beats up Luger again (with a boot to the hand), drops a leg on Flair for a pin, and touches the fourth corner after the bell to make it clear that he wins.

Rating: F. In the year 2000, the wrestlers and referees couldn’t figure out the rules, there was a ton of interference and Hogan somehow beat Flair twice in the same one fall match. This main evented a pay per view just two weeks before Wrestlemania. Horrible main event and a perfect ending to such an awful pay per view.

Overall Rating: F-. This was one of the worst shows I can remember and that’s what I fully expected coming in. I don’t think this one requires a long winded explanation, but here’s one of the major issues: this show runs 2:34 with 11 matches. Only two matches break nine minutes. How can WCW look at this and actually think this is the best they can do? I know the reboot is coming soon and after this, there’s almost no way they could keep going in this direction.

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