Elimination Chamber 2018
Date: February 25, 2018
Location: T-Mobile Arena, Paradise, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman

We’re only two stops away from Wrestlemania now because it just wouldn’t be right to not squeeze in a pair of pay per views between the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. Tonight is a show of pretty predictable endings but at least the Elimination Chamber matches themselves should be a lot of fun. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home Raw.

And last year’s show.

Kickoff Show: Anderson and Gallows vs. Miztourage

Axel headlocks Anderson to start but gets kicked in the face as the announcers talk about Sasha Banks. A clothesline takes Axel down again and there’s the HI-YAH kick in the corner. Back from a break with Axel slowly stomping Anderson down as the announcers talk about the stars being out in Vegas tonight. Anderson gets in a clothesline and rolls over for the hot tag to Gallows. A high kick to Axel has the Miztourage in trouble but the referee says there was no tag. Not that it matters as Anderson grabs the spinning spinebuster to set up the real hot tag. The Magic Killer puts Dallas away at 8:49.

Rating: D+. Total Raw level tag match here and that’s not the best thing in the world. The Revival needs to be in this picture a lot sooner, hopefully getting the titles somewhere around Wrestlemania (the night after would be a good place). Odds are this sets up a six man or Miz vs. Balor and that’s all it should be doing.

The opening video is standard fare: tonight is the last way to get to Wrestlemania and it involves the most dangerous structure.

We hit a long package on the Women’s Elimination Chamber. It’s a big part of the Women’s Revolution (take a shot every time you hear that in the video) as we’ve never had one before. The winner goes on to face someone, possibly Asuka, at Wrestlemania.

Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Mandy Rose vs. Sonya Deville vs. Mickie James

Bliss is defending, the entrance intervals are five minutes and it’s Mickie vs. Bayley to start things off. Feeling out process to start with Bayley taking over and hitting an early bulldog. Sonya sends her over the top and onto the cage floor but Bayley jumps onto the wall to avoid some pain. Sonya gets send hard into the Chamber wall for two and Bayley goes up. That sends Sonya back to the floor so Bayley drops the elbow there for two (inside the ring of course) instead. We hit the chinlock until Mandy is in third.

A quick Stunner over the ropes cuts Mandy off and the fans are behind Bayley in the glorified handicap match. Bayley gets taken outside and driven hard onto the floor as the numbers game starts taking over. The double teaming continues with Mandy hitting a middle rope knee to the chest for two. Bayley gets her arms hung up in the wall so Absolution can fire in strikes to the ribs but the clock starts ticking down. Mandy and Sonya actually realize it and are waiting in Sasha, who comes in fourth.

House is cleaned in a hurry and the running double knees get two on Sonya. With Mandy down, Sasha and Bayley double team Sonya into the Chamber. Mandy gets back up and hits a German suplex faceplant (Fan: “THAT WAS DOPE!”) on Sasha, only to get caught in the Bank Statement for the tap at 13:50. Mickie James (in Wonder Woman gear) is in fifth and cleans house, as is the custom for someone joining the match. A hurricanrana from the Chamber wall drops Deville and it’s only Mickie standing. James heads to the top of a pod and it’s a huge Thesz press to get rid of Deville at 17:40.

Not that it matters as the Backstabber into the Bayley to Belly eliminates Mickie at 18:03 (so much for the last few weeks of Bliss and Mickie being friends), leaving us with Bayley and Banks in the ring as we wait on Bliss. Alexa finally comes in and climbs the wall but is surrounded in a hurry. She tries to crawl from side to side and winds up on a pod….but Banks turns on Bayley by kicking her down.

Bliss sends Banks into the buckles though and slaps the heck out of Bayley for two. Bayley is back up and ties Banks in the Tree of Woe for a stomping but Bliss catches her on top in a superplex. Banks’ frog splash gets two on Bayley but she’s back up with a super Bayley to Belly. A rollup gets rid of Bayley at 25:39 and we’re down to two. Twisted Bliss hits Banks’ knees so she fires off knees against the Chamber.

One misses though and Bliss drills her from behind to take over again. Another Twisted Bliss on the floor crushes Sasha but it doesn’t count so Banks reverses into the Bank Statement. They head inside with Bliss driving her into the corner but Banks kicks her down. Sasha looks up to the top of a pod and this isn’t going to go well. Alexa kicks her face first into the pod and an elevated DDT retains the title at 29:42.

Rating: C. It got WAY better once Bliss came in but this didn’t need to be a Chamber match. No one bought anyone but Banks and Bliss (or maybe Bayley) as winning here and Bliss winning was the obvious choice. The Thesz press was a cool spot but the Twisted Bliss should have been the finish. Still though, not terrible and better than some of the men’s matches over the years.

Post match, with Banks crying on the steps, Bliss gives an emotional speech about how this is proof that you can accomplish your dreams. This is for everyone who has ever dreamed big….and none of you will ever accomplish anything. She is the one true goddess of WWE and that is never going to change. Thank goodness, as Bliss is a million times better as a heel.

Braun Strowman is ready to go to Wrestlemania and make Brock Lesnar his little beastie boy.

Tag Team Titles: Titus Worldwide vs. The Bar

The Bar is defending and jump the challengers early on, only to have Apollo hit a big dive to the floor. We settle down to Cesaro uppercutting Apollo for two, followed by Sheamus coming in for an armbar. Cesaro hits a front facelock and brings Sheamus back in for another armbar. It would be nice if they mixed the submissions up but that’s not likely to happen in a cool down match like this.

Cesaro grabs a chinlock and again it’s back to Sheamus for a front facelock. Geez at least pretend to try. Apollo sends Sheamus shoulder first into the post and it’s off to Titus for the power game. Cesaro gets pulled out of the air and Sheamus dives into the Clash of the Titus for two. Apollo’s high crossbody into the standing moonsault gets two but Titus gets sent outside. A chop block into the assisted White Noise retains the titles at 10:03.

Rating: D+. Another standard Raw tag match here, and actually worse than most of their previous matches. The ending was a bit of a surprise but I’d rather a bigger team take the titles from the Bar than a short run team. The problem though is who gets to take those titles from them, as there aren’t exactly a bunch of face teams worth much at the moment.

Trailer for the Andre the Giant documentary. That looks amazing.

Video on Asuka vs. Nia Jax. Nia wants to break the streak and that’s about it.

Asuka by the numbers video.

Nia Jax vs. Asuka

If Nia wins, she’s added to the Women’s Title match at Wrestlemania. Nia wastes no time in throwing Asuka around, including tossing away the jumping armbar. Something like a curb stomp into a running elbow gets two. Asuka strikes away for some effect but gets taken down again in short order. Another armbar is countered into a slam (close to a Jackhammer) but this time Nia isn’t following up as fast.

Asuka’s kicks to the chest are shrugged off for a Samoan drop and another near fall. A big kick to the face gets two and Asuka is looking frustrated. Asuka goes up top but gets slammed down, only to avoid the middle rope splash. The cross armbreaker goes on but Nia rolls over and drives her into the corner for the break. Nia shouts a lot and tries a powerbomb, which is reversed into a hurricanrana to give Asuka the pin at 8:13.

Post match Nia is still livid and drives Asuka through the barricade.

Bliss says no one is ready for her.

Roman Reigns isn’t worried about Paul Heyman’s threats on the Kickoff Show because he’s winning the Chamber and the title.

We recap Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy. Matt was sick of losing and finally became awoken, setting up the battle of creepy characters with weird laughs.

Matt Hardy vs. Bray Wyatt

Matt comes out first and Bray does his appear in the ring entrance….but Matt disappears. We get a Matt voiceover with him saying the words Jeff used to use in Impact Wrestling (you’ll fade away and classify yourself as obsolete). Matt says tonight we delete but Bray can’t find him. Finally Matt pops up and jumps Bray in a bit of an anti-climactic moment. The bell rings and Bray isn’t sure what to do, so Matt offers some applause. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Bray hits his running body block.

We hit the chinlock and it’s BEACH BALL TIME BECAUSE A WRESTLING SHOW NEEDS A BEACH BALL FOR ENTERTAINMENT! It seems to be taken away as Bray stomps on Matt but charges into a boot to the face. A tornado DDT drops Wyatt and the Side Effect gets two. Matt takes too long loading up the middle rope elbow and it’s a release Rock Bottom to take him down. The middle rope backsplash misses though and Matt reverses Sister Abigail into a Twist of Fate for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C. And that’s it for the feud being interesting, even though this wasn’t all that much in the first place. Matt has lost all of his steam and Bray didn’t have any steam in the first place. Wyatt needs to either go away for a long time or have a crisis and turn face, because this is making things worse and worse every week.

Long package on Ronda Rousey, the same that has aired on Raw.

It’s time for the Rousey signing, with Kurt Angle, Stephanie McMahon and HHH out with her. HHH gives her a big introduction and here’s Ronda, with Stephanie welcoming her as well. Ronda seems taken aback to be here and talks about how amazing it is to be in the ring with Kurt.

We stop for a Ronda chant but HHH wants to get down to business. They’re ready to sign the contract, which will put Rousey on the Wrestlemania card. Ronda doesn’t want to be given anything special so that’s fine with her. I mean, it puts her in Fandango territory. Rousey is about to sign but Angle has a look on his face. She asks if he has something to say and Kurt praises HHH and Stephanie.

They wanted to manipulate her for what happened at Wrestlemania XXXI (not XXI Kurt). Apparently HHH said “three years in the making and now we own the b….”. HHH: “KURT SHUT UP!” He blames the flu for Kurt’s statements and the men leave. Stephanie starts getting serious and wants to sign the contract but Angle says hang on a second. Apparently Stephanie has been calling Ronda a has been and even she could beat Rousey up. Rousey goes to the angry face and backs Stephanie up to the ropes but HHH makes the save. Ronda shoves his arms away too and slams HHH through the table.

That earns her the big slap from Stephanie….and then reality sets in. Fans: “YOU F***ED UP!” Stephanie bails and Rousey signs the contract. This was EXACTLY how it should have been and far better than the Rumble. It’s a perfectly done story and Angle in the tag match (possibly fighting for his job) is the right way to go. Have Rousey break Stephanie’s arm into 34 pieces in New Orleans and everything is fine.

Long recap of the Men’s Elimination Chamber. Everyone wants to face Lesnar and that’s about it.

Elias vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. Roman Reigns vs. The Miz vs. Braun Strowman vs. John Cena

The winner faces Lesnar at Wrestlemania. Elias has a song for us about how he’s not scared of anyone, including Lesnar, who he’ll beat when he gets his chance. Miz, Balor and Rollins will start things off because quantity means quality. It’s Miz going for the early alliances but his Too Sweet is shot down. Instead it’s Rollins and Balor joining forces, only to roll Balor up for two in short order. Miz’s sunset flip is countered with a basement dropkick for two and it’s time to trade reversals.

Rollins is right back up with the springboard clothesline as Cole mentions Rollins having more pay per view wins in the last five years than anyone else. The Skull Crushing Finale is broken up so Rollins goes with the double Blockbuster for two each instead. It’s Cena in fourth and that means a showdown with Rollins. They talk a lot of trash about how this is to go to Wrestlemania and the shoulder blocks put Rollins down. A ProtoBomb to Miz sets up a double Shuffle. Balor is back in so Cena throws both he and Rollins onto his shoulders. That goes nowhere so Miz gets two on Rollins off the Reality Check.

Cena superplexes Balor and Rollins does the same to Miz, putting all four down until Reigns is in fifth. Miz DDTs Balor and winds up being the only person on his feet, meaning it’s a big circle of YES Kicks. Seth gets sent hard over the top for a crash onto the floor but Roman is back up with a sitout powerbomb for two on Miz. The clock begins and since Elias is left, Strowman is in sixth. Everyone goes after Braun so he suplexes Cena and Rollins (who has a great in pain face) at the same time. Balor is thrown into Reigns and it’s Braun staring Miz down. Miz tries to climb a pod….and STROWMAN GETS UP THERE FIRST!

Braun slams him head first into the Plexiglas and then tosses Miz onto the pile. With everyone else down, Braun stares at Elias, stops to throw Rollins over the top, and then stares at him again. The running powerslam eliminates Miz at 20:00 and we have five people in the Chamber. Elias comes in to complete the field….or at least he’s allowed to but stays in the pod, leaving the other four to pound Braun down.

A QuadrupleBomb with Cena helping Reigns gets two, even with everyone covering. The AA only gets one, the spear gets two, the Curb Stomp sends Strowman to the floor and Balor adds the Coup de Grace. Instead of covering though it’s an AA to Reigns but Rollins jumps Cena. Rollins and Balor crossbody each other so now Elias comes in for some near falls. Elias takes his shot at a few people but an electric chair into a sitout powerbomb only gets two on Reigns. Braun is back up though and Elias tries the electric chair on him. That means a running powerslam and Elias is gone at 26:35.

Rollins saves Reigns from a similar fate and it’s time to go after Strowman again. Cena dives into another powerslam though and we’re down to four at 27:05. Strowman is on his feet while Cena looks scared because HE MIGHT NOT GO TO WRESTLEMANIA! I’M SURE! Balor slips out of the powerslam and hits a pair of shotgun dropkicks to stagger Balor. A Coup de Grace to the back gets two but Rollins hits an enziguri on Balor. Finn is right back with the Pele and 1916 gets two on Seth. Another dropkick puts Reigns in the corner and the Coup de Grace connects but the powerslam gets rid of Balor at 30:24.

Rollins low bridges Braun to the Chamber floor and stomps away with Reigns helping things out. Strowman shrugs them off so Reigns hits a Samoan drop as Rollins goes to the top of the pod. With a look to the Wrestlemania sign, Rollins hits the frog splash for two and everyone is down. Back to back superkicks look to set up the Curb Stomp but instead it’s a fifth powerslam for a fifth elimination at 36:26.

Strowman takes the shirt off and waits on Roman as we hit the GET THESE HANDS chant. Reigns comes at him and sidesteps a charge to send Strowman through a pod (I’ve been waiting for that.). Braun is up so there’s the Superman Punch and the booing commences. Another one puts Strowman on a knee but the spear is blocked. Instead it’s a third Superman Punch and two spears to send Reigns to Wrestlemania at 39:57 to near silence.

Rating: B+. It’s been the same problem for the last year: there is no reason for this to be Reigns other than the script says so. Strowman has been built up for a year now and the fans want to see him. For whatever reason though, WWE would rather try Reigns AGAIN instead of pulling the trigger on what seems to be a big layup. I know Reigns probably has more potential long term, but right now it should be Strowman. We’ve tried Reigns before and it hasn’t quite worked (though it hasn’t failed), but now it should be the logical play.

The match itself was entertaining and I was getting behind Strowman more and more, even if the ending wasn’t exactly a secret. No one else really mattered in the match with Strowman eliminating everyone but Reigns. He looked like a star and should get a huge Wrestlemania match (Cena would be interesting) but the ending took away a lot of the momentum.

Post match Reigns celebrates but Strowman gives him two powerslams.

Overall Rating: C+. Certainly not a bad show but the completely worthless midcard didn’t help things, much like the show, with five matches, SOMEHOW HAVING ANOTHER OVERRUN. Like seriously, it’s 11:20 on a Sunday night. Cut something down or out (four minute intervals would have been a fine idea) but find a way to get these things under control. And in May we go to half an hour longer than this every month? Or will those have an overrun too? Overall though, good show with the main event and Rousey segments being the high points.

Results

Alexa Bliss won the Women’s Elimination Chamber last eliminating Sasha Banks

The Bar b. Titus Worldwide – Assisted White Noise to Apollo

Asuka b. Nia Jax – Hurricanrana

Matt Hardy b. Bray Wyatt – Twist of Fate

Roman Reigns won the Men’s Elimination Chamber last eliminating Braun Strowman

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: September 25, 2003
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time to start building to No Mercy and we have a new World Champion with Brock Lesnar having taken the title from Kurt Angle in last week’s Iron Man match. The other big story is Los Guerreros winning the Tag Team Titles to make Eddie a double champion. I’m sure there will be no animosity on Chavo’s part. Let’s get to it.

Last week was a big week and you should look at it again.

Opening sequence.

Tonight, the Cruiserweight, Tag Team and US Titles are on the line. That’s quite the show.

The World Title is on a podium in the ring and here are Vince McMahon and Sable for a presentation. Vince praises Brock for his win last week but here’s Angle to interrupt. Before Kurt can say anything, Vince knows he’s here to claim Brock cheated and to challenge him for the title tonight.

That’s not happening though, because Angle might have to wait a long time to get another chance. That means starting from the bottom so tonight he’s going to be here to present Brock with the title. Angle isn’t feeling that and says either Brock comes out here and gets a beating or Kurt can go outside and give him the beating there.

Instead here’s John Cena to accuse Angle of having female genitalia. The fight is on and Cena is thrown over the top with ease before he heads to the back. That’s enough waiting for Angle so he goes to the back and finds a door labeled Brock Lesnar. That might be a good place to start. All he finds is a gym bag but here’s Cena to jump Angle.

During the break, Cena ran to the parking lot and drove away. Angle commandeered Vince’s limo and driver for a very late pursuit.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore

Matt, who has wrestled with strep throat and hates taking medicine, and Shannon are challenging. As someone with at least fifteen diagnosed cases of strep (to go with eight cases of bronchitis and three pneumonias, two of which were double pneumonia, I feel for him). Eddie and Matt start things off with Matt stopping for an early pose. It’s Chavo coming in off a blind tag to take Matt down as the champs start taking turns on Hardy.

Matt finally sends Chavo outside into the announcers’ table and Moore sends him into the apron for good measure. Shannon comes in and shows some nice fire with the forearms to the back. It’s not enough fire to keep Chavo in trouble for long though as he gets over for the hot tag.

Everything breaks down in a hurry with Eddie having to fight them both off, only to get caught in a neckbreaker from Matt. Chavo hits a high crossbody on Shannon to give Eddie two, only to have Shannon hit a dropkick to the back for the same. With Matt sent outside, Chavo belly to backs Shannon down so Eddie can drop the frog splash to retain.

Rating: C+. It’s always a good sign when a match makes me wonder what they could do with more time and that’s what happened here. Shannon is a pretty good high flier and he looked solid in support of Matt here. Los Guerreros are more than talented enough to make this work, especially when we get to the eventual split over Chavo being jealous.

Post match Matt jumps Eddie and gives him a Side Effect onto the belt.

During the break, Charlie Haas, who challenges Eddie tonight, ran out and attacked Chavo, followed by a Haas of Pain to Eddie. Tonight could make Eddie look like an even bigger star.

Here’s a ticked off A-Train for a chat. Now who thought this was a good idea? He’s tired of hearing that he can’t beat Chris Benoit because he can beat anyone. A-Train gives an open challenge but settles for beating up the timekeeper, even giving him a Crossface. Benoit runs out for the save and puts the Crossface on A-Train. That’s broken up with raw power though and A-Train chairs him down.

Eddie’s ribs are badly damaged but he swears he can wrestle.

Vince tells Sable how great she looks tonight and admires her figure. She takes off his jacket when a production guy comes in. Vince wanted to see him twenty minutes ago and yells as a result. Anyway, we’re doing the Brock presentation later. I’m sure nothing bad will happen.

Charlie says he’s taking the US Title tonight to make up for losing the Tag Team Titles.

We recap Tajiri’s heel turn and beatdown of Rey Mysterio to set up tonight’s title match.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is defending. Tajiri cranks on the arm to start and drops a knee for an early two. A hurricanrana into a victory roll gives Rey two and we hit a quick pinfall reversal sequence. Rey’s charge hits the corner though and we hit the Tarantula for a few seconds. Tajiri loads up the mist but misses, allowing Rey to knock him outside and follow with a good looking slingshot dive.

Back from a break with Rey getting kicked out of the air for two. Tajiri hammers away at the ribs and hooks something like an abdominal stretch. It’s off to the bodyscissors with Tajiri even throwing in a few rollups for two as a bonus. That’s so much better than what you usually get with this hold. How often do you see a hold like this go on and stop paying attention for a bit because nothing is happening? Those rollups aren’t anything great but they’re keeping it from being boring, which is more than you can expect otherwise.

Rey fights up and hits a sitout bulldog, followed by a moonsault press for two. Tajiri is right back with a Michinoku Driver but kicks the referee by mistake. The handspring elbow is blocked with a dropkick to the back and Rey scores with the 619. The West Coast Pop misses and Tajiri kicks him in the face. Cue a second ref to check on the first and count a very delayed two. Rey snaps off a standing hurricanrana but the replacement referee is still checking on the first. Tajiri goes with the red mist and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: B. This got the time that it needed to make things work, though the referee stupidly turning his head at the end didn’t work so well. Tajiri winning the title makes the most sense as it strengthens his heel turn and lets Rey do something else. It’s not like he’s going to regularly defend the title so let someone else have it and get some more momentum as a result.

Video on WWF and the Russell Simmons’ Hip Hop Action Network coming together for a voting drive.

Cole and Tazz brag about UPN’s ratings successes. But did Smackdown beat the Mullets?

Basham Brothers vs. Jamie Noble/Bradshaw

Billy Gunn is hurt so Jamie bought half of the APA for the night. It’s a brawl to start with Jamie diving onto Danny as Bradshaw beats Doug up in the corner. Danny low bridges Jamie to the floor though and Shaniqua kicks him in the head to take over. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit until Jamie dragon screw leg whips his way to freedom. A swinging neckbreaker is enough for the tag to Bradshaw for the quick beatdown. The Last Call sends Doug flying but Shaniqua takes Nidia’s head off with a clothesline. Jamie checks on her so Bradshaw hits the Clothesline, drawing in Shaniqua for the DQ.

Rating: D. So the point here was to push Bradshaw and Shaniqua? This would have made more sense as the APA vs. the Bashams but if that’s the case, just have the Bashams get a win. As usual, WWE feels the need to push the worst possible options out of a match and for some reason I don’t see Shaniqua panning out as the latest force in the women’s division.

Long recap of the Iron Man match.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Charlie Haas

Eddie is defending and has bad ribs while an angry Big Show is on commentary. Show claims that he’s tired of being ignored so he gets up and posts Eddie before the bell. Charlie is smart enough to stomp away and hits a backdrop to stay on the ribs. A quick toss to the floor gives Eddie a breather but Charlie is back in with a double leg takedown for two. The back is bent over Charlie’s knee until Eddie grabs the face for the break.

Charlie is right back up with another posting so here’s Chavo to check on him. That earns the nephew a right hand and an ejection but the distraction allows Eddie to grab the rope at two. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie slips out after a good while. Haas grabs the belt, which is quickly taken away and laid in the corner. Eddie of course grabs it and wraps it around the corner as Charlie shoves the referee. That’s not a DQ so Charlie dives at the buckle and knocks himself silly, setting up the frog splash to retain.

Rating: B-. So we’re heading towards Big Show vs. Eddie? That would be a good way to make Eddie look like a giant killer, but if history has shown me anything, it’s never bet against WWE’s ability to push Big Show over the wrong talent. Eddie looked great here as he fought through the injuries and he continues to be the best thing on this show every single week.

Here are Vince and Sable to try the presentation again. Vince demands us on our feet to welcome Brock, who at least gets to come out this time. After Brock’s posing, Vince declares him the new unstoppable face of Smackdown. Brock doesn’t mind the YOU TAPPED OUT chants because he’s the new champion. As for Kurt, he had him in the palm of his hand last week and was never in danger of not getting the title back. Brock says he’s unstoppable so here’s Undertaker because who else was it going to be.

Undertaker didn’t interfere last week because he has too much respect for the title but he’ll get in Lesnar’s face now. He doesn’t forget or forgive but he does have some advice for Brock: polish that title up because his first defense is against Undertaker. Vince wants to know how that happened and here’s Stephanie, because this is still about the McMahons. Stephanie explains the match but Vince says no because her authority is going to be rescinded. If she doesn’t change her mind right now, it’s Vince vs. Stephanie in a match at No Mercy.

Stephanie is completely taken aback by this (Someone wants to hurt Stephanie? What insanity is this?) but won’t change her mind. Vince makes it an I Quit match and yells at Stephanie so Undertaker grabs his arm. That earns Undertaker a belt shot but he’s back up with a chokeslam to Lesnar to end the show. That’s a really bad double main event but they’re still way ahead of Unforgiven, which says more about that show than No Mercy.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event angle and the Basham match were the only bad things going on this week as the rest was focused around Eddie Guerrero, which is never a bad thing. There was good wrestling here though and the stories are solid enough to make the show not feel long, which is a lot more than Raw can say.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 18, 2003
Location: RBC Center, Raleigh, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big show here with Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle in a one hour Iron Man match. What else can you really ask for here? These two are capable of putting together any kind of match you want them to and here they’ll have a chance to showcase whatever they want. The rest of the show….does it really matter? Let’s get to it.

Vince welcomes us to the show and hypes up the main event. Undertaker comes in to say he won’t interfere tonight but he’s not going to forget Vince sending Brock out to interrupt his title match. Better than him wanting the next title match at least.

Opening sequence.

Cole calls this the season premiere of Smackdown. They did that with the Billy and Chuck wedding episode so I guess we have a tradition.

Rey Mysterio/Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno/Tajiri

Tajiri gets a Cruiserweight Title shot next week. Benoit shoulders Tajiri down to start and snaps off some of those loud chops. Tajiri is right back with the Tarantula and a non-existent tag brings in Rhyno for a spinebuster. A clothesline gets Benoit out of trouble though and the hot tag brings in Mysterio with the springboard seated senton. Everything breaks down and Mysterio rolls the German suplexes on Tajiri. Rey hits the 619 on Rhyno, setting up the springboard legdrop for the pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere and it didn’t really accomplish much as Rey and Tajiri didn’t interact all that much. The action was good while it lasted though, which isn’t all that surprising given the four people involved. Thankfully it seems that Rhyno vs. Benoit is done though, which should be the case after last week.

Shaniqua vs. Torrie Wilson/Nidia

It’s a double team to start with Shaniqua actually being knocked outside, which is a lot more success than I was expecting. Shaniqua remembers that she’s fighting Torrie and Nidia though and it’s a double clothesline to take them down in short order. Torrie gets thrown outside and a powerbomb ends Nidia in short order. Keeping this short was the only option they could have had.

Dawn Marie comes out to check on her friends and gets posted.

Stephanie is drawing a mustache on a picture of Sable when Vince, Big Show and Sable come in. Vince tries to get Stephanie to quit but she won’t do it. In other words, nothing has changed since last week. Stephanie brings up the logical question: why doesn’t Vince just fire her? He doesn’t want to because he wants her to quit. Playing rough is mentioned and I don’t want to know what Vince means by that.

Long recap of Brock vs. Angle. They’re treating this like the big match that it should be.

Los Guerreros are ready to win the Tag Team Titles back. Tonight, they’re doing it for GRANDMA!

Earlier today, John Cena was on top of a building and saying he underestimated Los Guerreros. Next week, he fulfills his destiny. No word on what that means.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Charlie and Shelton are defending. Eddie starts with Benjamin but it’s quickly off to Chavo for some forearms to the back. The fast tags continue but this time Eddie is driven into the champs’ corner, followed by a hard whip. It’s already back to Chavo though and unloading ensues, including a monkey flip to send Benjamin flying. Back to back dives take the champs down and we take a break.

We come back with Eddie poking Haas in the eye, which of course gets him cheered even more. Chavo comes back in as the challengers manage to keep control for a lot longer than you might have expected. Eddie’s sunset flip gets two on Benjamin but a kick to Chavo’s arm cuts off the offense. A hammerlock northern lights suplex gets two and it’s back to Shelton for a keylock.

Chavo dives out of an arm hold and makes the hot tag….which doesn’t count as Benjamin has the referee. Instead a running dive into Benjamin’s arms is enough for the hot tag off to Eddie and it’s time to speed things up. Everything breaks down and house is cleaned but Eddie’s frog splash is broken up.

Eddie rolls through the second attempt and Charlie brings in a chair. Chavo dropkicks it into Shelton’s knee though and Benjamin is down. Back up and Charlie gets double backdropped but stays on the Guerreros’ back for some reason, crashing HARD onto his head. Apparently that gave him a concussion and that’s not even slightly surprising. Eddie frog splashes Haas for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B. Nearly breaking Haas in half aside, this was a good match with both teams getting to show off what they can do. Los Guerreros are an awesome team and there’s nothing wrong with putting the belts back on them. That US Title suggests that Eddie is in for bigger things so I don’t think the titles are staying on them for very long. It’s very nice to see another match on this show get some time though and the talent involved made sure that it was quality stuff.

Tazz has keys to victory for the main event. For Brock: a lot of F5’s. For Angle, ankle locks. And this man is a professional.

Bets are being taken on the match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending in a sixty minute Iron Man match. Lesnar jumps him before the bell and stomps the champ down in the corner early on. Angle comes out of the corner with a hard clothesline and the first suplex sends Brock out to the floor. Back in and a trio of armdrags send Lesnar outside again and we hit a long stall. We’re five minutes in now as Lesnar gets back inside. The threat of a single leg takedown sends Lesnar running again, though not for quite as long this time.

Back in again and Brock pounds him down, only to be sent outside yet again. This time Kurt follows him out but gets posted to give Lesnar his first real advantage. Instead of following up by normal means, Brock chairs him down to give up the first fall at 8:42. There’s a fifteen second rest period, after which Brock hits a great looking F5 to tie it up at 10:21. Brock talks a lot of trash and an ankle lock makes Angle tap at 12:08 to make it 2-1.

We take a break and come back with the same score and 44:00 to go. Brock hits a shoulder in the corner but a second attempt only hits post, allowing Angle to slug away. The rolling German suplexes have Lesnar reeling but he sends Angle outside for a breather. You can tell they’re filling time and for once, that’s completely understandable as there’s only so much you can do in an hour long match. An F5 on the floor is good for a countout and Lesnar is up 3-1 with 40:03 to go.

We take another break and come back with 36:05 to go and Angle punching away. A hard shoulder puts Angle down but he’s right back with an Angle Slam to make it 3-2 with 34:05 left. Some suplexes rock Lesnar and there go the straps! Both finishers are escaped and it’s the ankle lock to put Lesnar in trouble. Lesnar rolls out in short order and the referee gets bumped, meaning there’s no count off the Angle Slam. By the powers, what a coincidence.

A low blow takes Angle down again and Brock gets in a belt shot as we hit the halfway mark. Cole: “Now the true colors of Brock Lesnar are coming out!” Sweet goodness you’ve spent the better part of a month telling us how Brock is a monster after he BROKE GOWEN’S LEG THEN THREW HIM DOWN THE STEPS but a belt shot proves he’s evil? Anyway said belt shot gives Brock another fall at 29:32 to go.

We take another break and come back with 25:00 left and Angle taking it to the floor for some right hands. A top rope ax handle to the floor keeps Lesnar in trouble, followed by a missile dropkick for another near fall. Kurt misses the moonsault though and it’s a double knockdown. A clothesline drops Angle again and a suplex gives Brock two. Angle slaps on a quick ankle lock but the counter sends him outside all over again. We’re under twenty minutes to go as Lesnar grabs the steps, only to have Angle kick them into his face. That’s only good for a pair of near falls and we take another break.

Back again with Lesnar up 5-2, having hit a superplex during the break to extend the lead even further. Angle is trying to get to his feet on the floor as we have 14:00 left. Brock follows him out but Angle F5’s him knee first into the post, which excites Cole way too much. A half crab into the ankle lock doesn’t work (probably because it was on the leg that didn’t go into the post) as Lesnar makes the rope again. Lesnar’s knee is fine enough to hit another F5 but that’s only good for two.

Brock goes up for the sole purpose of being taken down with a belly to belly superplex as Angle gets a fall back with 9:52 to go. Kurt wins a slugout and pounds Brock down in the corner, followed by a suplex with 8:00 left. There go the straps again but Brock plants him with a DDT for two more. Lesnar snaps off a German suplex of his own and the time is being eaten up faster and faster. Even more German suplexes get us down to 6:00 left but Angle gets a series of his own.

Lesnar’s next suplex is reversed into the ankle lock and it’s a shortened version of the Summerslam ending with Brock grabbing two ropes but having to tap with 4:07 to go. I still don’t get how that works but it’s 5-4 Lesnar with 4:00 on the clock. They’re both down for a good while until Kurt slaps the hold on again. This one is broken up in short order and we’re down to 3:00.

Kurt goes with something like an STF with Lesnar on his side but it doesn’t last long. Lesnar rolls outside with 2:00 left so Kurt sends him head first into the steps. Back in and Kurt hits three straight German suplexes as we have less than a minute to go. A low blow behind the referee’s back gets Brock out of trouble but Kurt is back with the grapevined ankle lock with 15 seconds left. Brock somehow hangs on to win the title back.

Rating: A-. This match falls into the same problem that so many Iron Man matches fall into: aside from a spot or two, the first fifteen to twenty minutes don’t really add anything to the match. That makes sense as you have so much time to kill in a match like this, but it doesn’t exactly make for the best TV experience. It’s similar to a tournament: you know the drama is all going to be at the end and it makes a lot of the falls feel a little uninteresting.

Now that being said, this was a heck of a match with both guys beating the tar out of each other with all kinds of holds and suplexes. It was the match these two should have had and felt like a big deal. The ending had good drama which was set up by Lesnar tapping not too long before the final hold went on. The rest of the second half of the match is great and the whole thing is very good, but it’s no Rock vs. HHH.

Overall Rating: A. Now that’s more like it. This was all about the wrestling (save for the nothing women’s match) and it was a great time watching the thing. This was supposed to be the pay per view style TV show since Smackdown didn’t have a pay per view in September and it certainly delivered. Great main event, a really solid tag match and nothing stupid (aside from the stupid McMahons segment) make for a really outstanding show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 11, 2003
Location: Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re building towards a big match here as Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle in an Iron Man Match goes down next week. That means a lot of buildup on this week’s show, which could go in several ways. Of course it could also mean a lot of missing the point, which would certainly make sense around here. Let’s get to it.

This episode only runs ninety minutes instead of the full two hours. The reason: UPN wanted to air the Mullets, because that was the kind of show WWE fans would flock towards.

As you might expect, we open with a tribute to those who lost their lives on September 11. Nothing wrong with that.

Opening sequence.

Cars are being pulled into a circle in the parking lot for the Eddie Guerrero vs. John Cena fight.

Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri/Nunzio

The canned pop is strong for Kidman here. I almost never notice those things so it’s especially bad. Nunzio jumps Rey from behind to start but Kidman slingshots in for a rollup. A giant swing into a dropkick (so that’s where Cesaro and Tyson Kidd got it from) gets two on Nunzio. Tajiri comes in and kicks Kidman in the head though as the hard hitting begins. The fans chant ROLL TIDE because they don’t seem to get how wrestling works. Maybe they should watch the Mullets.

Nunzio comes back in for a chinlock until Kidman fights up and scores with a dropkick. Tajiri’s tornado DDT is countered into a BK Bomb (sweet counter actually) and it’s the hot tag to Mysterio. Everything breaks down and Rey ducks the handspring elbow, setting up a 619 to Tajiri’s back. The regular version misses though and Tajiri kicks Rey in the head for the pin.

Rating: B-. The match was only about four minutes but it was the perfect choice for an opener. The cruiserweights opening the show worked wonders in WCW and there’s no reason to switch up a formula with such a history of working. Kidman and Mysterio are still a great team, but their time of going after the titles seems to have passed. Kind of a shame, but then we might not get to see more of the Bashams or whatever other lame team they have at the moment.

Post match, Tajiri hits Rey with the belt.

Vince and Sable agree on sending flowers to Zach Gowen as Big Show, in a suit, stands in the background. Stephanie comes in to recap last week’s events in that really annoying manner of hers. She yells about how it was all Vince’s idea and that Vince doesn’t care about Gowen (I have no idea why we’re supposed to either). Brock is a criminal who should be in jail….and of course he’s right behind her.

Since it’s Stephanie though, she gets scared for a second but brings up Brock tapping out to Angle. Stephanie doesn’t sweat Lesnar. Brock wants a warmup match tonight with Undertaker, Kurt Angle and Gowen all at once. None of them are here tonight though, so Brock can fight Stephanie (Since she’s the only one in the room he hasn’t fought yet. Ignore the cameraman. And Sable.). Vince says that’s money in the bank and Stephanie can either face him or quit as GM. This segment was longer than the opening match, which gives them even less time to find a way to not deliver the match.

Torrie Wilson and Nidia are in the back when they run into Dawn Marie. They’re worried about her getting beaten up by Shaniqua tonight but Dawn has to stand up to her. If this is your big army to fight her, just quit now.

Dawn Marie vs. Shaniqua

Dawn wastes no time in trying to jump out of the corner, only to have Shaniqua mistime a chop out of the air. Instead they head outside with Dawn being sent into the barricade as this is complete dominance. Shaniqua grabs a chair but Torrie and Nidia run in for the DQ.

Torrie hits Shaniqua with the chair (with two camera cuts in short order) before bailing.

Stephanie is thinking about her decision when Sable comes in to recap everything that we already know. If Stephanie quits, Sable is more than ready to be General Manager. I’d be curious to see how long this show would be if you took out all the exposition and recaps of things we hear ten minutes ago.

Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Rhyno says some very un-PG things as we wait for the opening bell. They waste no time in hitting the power game with Rhyno kneeing him in the ribs and clubbing Benoit over the back. That just means an early Crossface attempt, sending Rhyno bailing to the ropes. Rhyno pulls him throat first into the ropes to send Benoit outside, allowing A-Train to run in and post Benoit for good measure. That’s only good for two back inside and we take a break with Cole in mid rant.

Back with Rhyno scoring with a superplex for two before tying Benoit in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the ribs. We hit a Sharpshooter on Benoit (not a bad one either) but a rope is grabbed in a hurry. Benoit is right back up with a Sharpshooter of his own so Rhyno grabs the rope as well. What’s good for the wolverine is good for the Rhyno.

With the holds not working, Benoit snaps off a release German suplex and heads up but gets caught as well. A sunset bomb breaks up a superplex attempt for two, only to have Rhyno come back with a spinebuster. Benoit is dazed but not enough for the Gore, which he pulls down into the Crossface for the win.

Rating: B. They beat each other up quite well here and that ending with Benoit snapping on the Crossface was great. When he pulls that thing on out of nowhere, it’s one of the coolest looking things in wrestling and this was one of the best he’s done yet. Hopefully this wraps up their feud and Benoit can move on to something bigger, though this was a good blowoff.

The APA is having a poker game in the office with Matt Hardy yelling at the APA for treating an underling like a servant. He then rants about Shannon Moore getting the wrong kind of orange juice and tells the APA to join AA. Faarooq turns it into a racial thing and a match is made tonight. Everyone else leaves and the APA toasts the people who died on 9/11. Of note: Bradshaw said they were playing Texas Hold Em and dealt them all five cards. The moral: Bradshaw doesn’t know how to play poker.

At this point, outside of the USA, you would have seen Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle from Summerslam to stretch the show to two hours.

Cena is thrilled with the circle of cars and hits a bunch of them with his chain.

John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title and in a ring of cars in the parking lot. Cena’s rap is of course a bunch of gay jokes about Eddie, which really was a common theme of his. Eddie’s car completes the circle and we’re ready to go with wrestlers sitting on the cars. They’re both in street clothes and take turns sending each other face first into the hoods. Cena muscles him up for a suplex onto the top of a Mitsubishi before grabbing a lawnmower out of the back of a van.

Eddie avoids a bad cut but gets thrown onto another hood. Some shovel shots only hit a car but a flapjack puts Cena onto the car again. Eddie’s shovel shot knocks out a headlight and he uses a door as a weapon. Tazz says Eddie is a veteran, making me wonder how many times Eddie has hit someone in the head with a car door. They fight outside the wheel as someone who looks like Al Snow is strolling along in the background.

Eddie gets thrown into the trunk of the car but pops out, knocking the hood into Cena’s face. Cena tosses him through a windshield for two and slams a door onto his arm for the same. Back up and Eddie sends him face first through a window but Cena does the same to him. Cena jumps behind the wheel of a car but Eddie gets in the passenger seat and rams his head into the wheel for some rhythmic beeping.

The cigarette lighter to the chest burns Cena and Eddie washes the windshield on Cena’s face. The much cleaner Cena backdrops Eddie onto the hood for two but the FU onto the car is broken up. Instead it’s a hiptoss onto a car and the returning Chavo Guerrero hits Cena in the head with what looked like a hubcap. The frog splash from one car to another is good for the pin.

Rating: B+. I remember people talking about this match very fondly and it’s easy to see why. They found the right combination of violence and fun (the windshield wipers thing was good) while Chavo was a great way to wrap things up. I’m not sure if this finishes their feud but a singles match would hardly be a bad thing as they have chemistry together.

Post match Chavo takes the title and says the Guerreros have it before leaving with Eddie.

Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore vs. APA

Matt, who rarely uses turn signals (The APA better DESTROY him then as that drives me crazy. Excuse me person driving your several thousand pound machine that may be going upwards of 70 miles an hour, but could you please LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO CHANGE LANES OR TURN THE THING??? That would be nice, not to mention quite a bit safer, if you can manage to flick your hand all of the three inches that it takes to use your signal.) and whose entertainment system requires five remotes, and Shannon are in wrestling gear while the APA is in street clothes.

As you might expect, Cole explains Matt’s hypocrisy over Shannon, thankfully with Tazz calling him out for the obvious statement. Faarooq and Shannon start things off with Moore hitting him from behind for some reason. Some forearms and elbows drop Moore for two and it’s off to Matt. Things don’t go well for him either as it’s a powerslam from Faarooq and a suplex from Bradshaw for two. Bradshaw starts cleaning house but Matt’s top rope clothesline knocks him into a jackknife cover for two. Not that it matters as the Clothesline ends Shannon a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. Pretty much a squash here and at least they pinned Shannon. The tag team isn’t doing Matt any favors but the ship has pretty much sailed for him anyway, at least with Version 1. If they’re going to build up the APA with wins like this and then feed them to bigger teams, it’s not the worst idea in the world.

The butler brings the APA a tray of beer.

Video on Lesnar vs. Angle, including Brock pushing Gowen down the steps last week.

Next week: Shaniqua vs. Torrie Wilson/Nidia. Uh, yeah.

Brock Lesnar vs. Stephanie McMahon

Vince handles the intros and plays up the drama about Stephanie fighting or quitting. Naturally Stephanie comes out to fight (Cole cites her being in wrestling gear as proof) and Vince isn’t sure what to think. Vince laughs off the idea that Stephanie is here to fight, basically daring her to keep defying him.

She slaps Vince and drops Brock with a low blow, because of course she does. Vince takes a low blow of his own but Brock catches her while she tries to escape. Brock throws Stephanie into the barricade and throws the steps at her, but Stephanie’s cat like reflexes get her to safety. Instead Brock loads up the F5 into the post until Kurt Angle runs in for the save. You know, the guy not on the show tonight. A quick brawl sends Lesnar and Vince running to end the show. No match as the bell never rang.

What is this Vince vs. Stephanie feud even about anymore? It’s to the point where they’re fighting because they’ve been fighting for months and I’m struggling to remember why it’s happening in the first place. Something about Vince being a horrible father and her not wanting him to abuse Gowen the same way? That’s not a feud that needs to still be going three or four months later but it’s still the driving force on these shows. Trying to make Stephanie into a hero or this sympathetic role model isn’t working and it’s not getting any better. Find someone else to do this with already, or at least do it better.

Overall Rating: B. Stephanie mess aside, this was a heck of a show with the missing half hour helping a lot. You got a nice mixture of styles with the brawl in the parking lot, the hard hitting Benoit vs. Rhyno match and the fast paced opener. That’s a good balance of stuff and makes the show a lot more entertaining to watch.

The main event stuff though….not so much. If you want to do something like this, have Stephanie vs. Linda Miles, which still makes her look like a big underdog but not so much of an underdog that it’s ridiculous. No one realistically thought Brock was going to beat the heck out of Stephanie, but they might believe Miles could do it. Have that match and Brock and Angle as seconds. You can do a quick “match” with the same story (Vince chairs Angle down, Brock goes after Stephanie, same finish to the show). Was anyone going to miss Linda vs. Dawn from earlier? Other than that mess, good show here with the time helping a lot.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 16, 2006
Location: RBC Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

Another request and this time around it’s for a pretty simple reason. I’m not sure the match was announced in advance so we’ll save that for later, but it’s one of those matches that you hear and say either “well of course he did” or you’re so confused that you don’t know which way to go next. Let’s get to it.

I’ve already done the show before this one, which you can see here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/07/26/monday-night-raw-january-9-2006-live-sex-celebration/

It’s the Martin Luther King Jr. Day show and you know Vince is going to make sure to cover that one. That’s still cool yet kind of surprising at the same time.

Opening sequence.

The match was indeed known in advance: Edge vs. Ric Flair for the WWE Championship in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. I mean….what?

We look at Kurt Angle moving to Smackdown to become the new World Heavyweight Champion (due to Batista tearing his tricep and being put on the shelf for about six months). He’s facing Shawn Michaels tonight because this is a heck of a stacked show.

Here are Edge and Lita (just…..yeah) to open things up. People have been saying Edge stole his title from Cena at New Year’s Revolution but he won it fair and square. He’s absolutely right actually. That’s how Money in the Bank works and now he’s the WWE Champion. Edge calls the shots and now he gets to call the shots, which included a live sex celebration last week. Apparently that offended some people and that’s just too bad.

The end of last week’s show was the highest rated ending to Raw in two years (erg) and the day after he won the title, over 25 million people were on WWE.com (I repeat my previous erg. Wrestlers shouldn’t care about that stuff.). That makes him the most watched WWE Champion of all time. That makes quite the assumption. I might have been on there playing Out Think the Fink.

As for the people who didn’t like it, we see a clip of Ric Flair taking a Conchairto for interfering last week. Later tonight he’s going to finish Flair off in a TLC match but for right now, he wants live, uninterrupted sex with Lita right here. Obviously he’s not a Rocky fan because WOMEN WEAKEN LEGS. A chair is brought in and Lita removes Edge’s shirt before climbing on top of him.

Cue Kurt Angle with manager Daivari (King: “Can’t we just have some live sex?”) for the YOU SUCK chants with Angle saying were directed at Lita. Angle says tricks like this make him a joke while people like him know he’s the real thing. Edge says it made him smart and a challenge is made for a title unification match. That’s not happening because Edge isn’t lowering himself to fight Angle.

That means a release German suplex but here’s Vince McMahon to interrupt. He wants the two scheduled matches to take place tonight so Edge needs to go get ready. Vince: “And cover yourself up!” As for Angle, he’ll be facing Shawn tonight, but it’s a non-title match. Instead, Shawn is fighting for his contract and is gone if he loses. Long segment here but Edge is relishing this role and nailing it so far. Throw in Wrestling Machine Kurt Angle and Lita at perhaps her hottest ever and this was awesome on a variety of levels.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title but Shawn’s job is on the line. Shawn stares at Vince on the way to the ring because that’s one of the top stories of 2006. Joined in progress after a break with Shawn chasing Daivari around the ring before heading back inside for a headlock on the mat. Angle fights up and stomps away in the corner, only to get the skin chopped off of his chest. That doesn’t seem to both Angle though, who comes out with an overhead belly to belly. A hard German suplex gives Kurt two and we hit a bodyscissors.

Back up and Shawn chops him again but gets sent hard into the corner. The Angle Slam is countered into a DDT for two but Daivari low bridges Shawn to the floor. That earns Daivari a superkick, only to have Angle hit the Angle Slam on the floor as we take a break. Back with Angle having a belly to belly superplex broken up but running the corner to hit the super Angle Slam for two instead. A desperation Sweet Chin Music is countered into the ankle lock which Shawn reverses into a small package for two of his own.

The forearm into the nip up just earns Shawn another ankle lock but this one is kicked off in short order. Angle gets knocked down to set up a weird looking missed top rope elbow. The ankle lock goes on again and Shawn flails, eventually hitting Daivari as a bonus. Angle gets the grapevine but Daivari brings in a chair and Kurt lets go for some reason. As you might expect, Daivari swings the chair and this Angle, knocking him into a rollup to give Shawn the pin.

Rating: B. These two have very solid chemistry and make their matches look easy. The ending was a little bit messy but at least it keeps the new champion from losing clean. I mean, they could have had it be a countout or something but why do that when you can have him get pinned? Still though, very entertaining match here and that’s all you would have expected.

Angle yells at Daivari….who slaps him in the face. An Angle Slam over the top has Daivari looking rather dead.

During the break, Angle dumps Daivari.

Maria Kanellis, still the incredibly annoying and ditzy interviewer (that’s not a bad thing), shows Chris Masters Carlito turning on him at New Year’s Revolution. Masters blames Carlito for the loss and promises to win the Royal Rumble. Oh and tonight, John Cena is losing the Master Lock Challenge.

Ashley Massaro (never got the appeal and she was terrible in the ring) is worried about the six woman tag tonight but Trish Stratus tells her to calm down. The crazy lesbian stalker Mickie James (their partner tonight) comes in and apologizes for attacking Ashley last week. Psycho Mickie worked so well.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge. Masters introduces Cena as the former WWE Champion and we’re ready to go. We get a rare very pro-Cena chant as he sits down in the chair but Cena grabs the arm before the hold can go on. The hold goes on a few seconds later and Cena tries a variety of escapes to no avail. Cena fights up again and almost breaks it but here’s Edge for a belt shot to the head.

Shawn is having his ankle looked at when Vince comes in. Vince tells him to get out of the building before moving over to Ric Flair, on the trainer’s mat next to him. Last week Ric interrupted Vince’s celebration and tonight, Flair can make the magic happen one more time. Vince’s mistress Candice Michelle comes in and asks Vince to critique her match. She does her stupid dance and even Flair is giving this a look to say it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever seen.

Candice Michelle/Torrie Wilson/Victoria vs. Trish Stratus/Mickie James/Ashley

If there is ANY justice in the world, this will be all Trish/Mickie/Victoria. Torrie has her dog with her and Victoria is in her weird short/curlier hair phase (not a bad look, just very different than her usual one). But hang on: before the match we need a behind the scenes look at Candice Michelle’s GoDaddy commercial. In other words, it’s her in a white tank top washing windows. To be fair, they’re not trying to hide what they’re going for here and she makes jokes about the whole thing.

Victoria cranks on Trish’s arm to start (thank goodness) until a rollup gives Trish two. A headscissors out of the corner looks to set up Stratusfaction but Candice comes in, meaning Trish has to headscissor her down as well (with Trish’s tights going rather far down in the process). Ashley gets the hot tag, much to Mickie’s annoyance. She’s so annoyed that she spears Ashley down, setting up the Widow’s Peak for the pin.

As usual, it’s SO weird anymore to see the women as nothing but eye candy with the wrestling being a detail to look at them in their revealing outfits. Total mess of course but at least they had the right wrestlers in there for the most part. To tell you what Torrie meant here, she held the dog while standing on the apron.

Rob Van Dam is back in the Royal Rumble after missing a year of action due to a torn ACL.

Carlito takes credit for keeping Van Dam on the injured list even longer. The fans chant for RVD but Carlito doesn’t want to hear it because he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. No one on Raw or Smackdown can throw him over the top, and that’s cool. Kane, over the top, next segment.

A production guy tells Vince that a woman wants to see him. Vince thinks it’s Candice and says make her wait a minute.

Post break Vince is ready for her and starts stripping but instead it’s…..Mama Benjamin (a rather large woman played by a comedienne who managed her son Shelton Benjamin), who throws money at him. She wants to know why Shelton isn’t wrestling tonight while Shelton looks like he wants to die. Vince agrees to give him a match and Mama tells him to go get ready. Shelton leaves and Mama tells Vince to call her when he wants some chocolate thunder. Vince shivers as she leaves.

Royal Rumble rundown. All two matches announced so far.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Big Show

Show has a broken hand. Mama Benjamin is terrified (Shelton: “He just tall. That’s all Mama.”) and Show backs both of them into the corner. To his credit, Show opens the ropes for her (Mama: “You do the best you can son.”) and we’re ready to go. Show drops him without much effort but hurts the hand again. Shelton is smart enough to send the hand into the post and hits it again to break up the chokeslam. A fall away slam sends Shelton outside but here’s HHH (who broke Show’s hand) for a distraction, resulting in a countout win for Shelton.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. Ric Flair

Edge is defending in a TLC match, the first ever singles version. Flair’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. Ric goes over to hug his 19 year old daughter Ashley, better known as Charlotte. Lita has changed tops, likely for the sake of the censors, but the Edge tank top works perfectly well too. Oh and Flair has a concussion thanks to Edge, just in case there weren’t enough details coming into this.

Flair chops away in the corner to start but Edge decks him in the jaw to take over. It’s already time for the first ladder, which goes into Flair’s head but actually doesn’t draw blood. Edge puts him inside the ladder and crushes it with a chair, which somehow doesn’t kill Flair. They head outside with Edge being chopped into the crowd but Flair follows him out instead of, you know, going to win the title.

Back to ringside with Edge suplexing Flair on the floor. Lita starts getting the chairs ready as Edge puts Flair on a table. The Conchairto is broken up by a testicular claw and Edge is tossed into the barricade. Lita gets slammed down as well but Edge gets in a chair shot to finally bust Flair open. It almost makes me feel better to have it happen instead of waiting on it for so long.

Edge heads back in and hits a HUGE splash to put Flair through the table on the floor. There is blood everywhere and Flair’s family is panicking as we take a break. Back with Flair having a 1980s level of blood but still being able to put Edge inside a ladder for some chair shots. Flair cracks him with another chair shot and then just shoves a ladder onto him. A few shots to the ankle have Flair loading up the ladder but he moves it to the corner instead.

Flair goes up and of course gets superplexed back down for a double knockdown. Edge hits him low but misses a missile dropkick off the ladder. He’s fine enough to chair Flair in the head though and it’s time to climb. Somehow Ric is up and turns the ladder over, sending Edge through a table at ringside in a HUGE crash. Lita breaks up the climb though, which just makes me want to see Lita vs. Charlotte. That earns Lita a Figure Four as Edge is still down. Flair’s ultra slow climb lets Edge get up though and the slug it out on top of the ladder. Naturally Edge gets the better of it and retains the title.

Rating: C+. I never feel right watching Flair in something like this. The guy is nearly sixty and putting his body through something like this with all the blood and violence when he’s more than capable of having a good regular match. I get the idea behind it (if nothing else just saying “Flair in a TLC match” is a draw) but I wish they could come up with something better than this. It’s an entertaining match, but not something I’m comfortable watching.

Post match Edge spears him down and loads up the Conchairto, only to have Cena come in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This show is such a time capsule as you have Cena being the super face, the women being worthless in the ring yet oozing sex appeal in something that’s not around nearly as strong today (which isn’t a bad thing), throwing a TLC match and Shawn vs. Angle on free TV and acting like Carlito and Chris Masters could ever have any kind of main event value. The show was fun, but it really isn’t something I’d want to watch week to week. It feels like it would get very grating in short order, but for a one off it was rather fun.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: September 4, 2003
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’ve got a big main event this time around as Smackdown World Champion Kurt Angle is defending against the Undertaker, who won a triple threat last week to earn the shot. Brock Lesnar is looming though and there’s a good chance that’s not going to end well. At the same time though we have the freshly face Eddie Guerrero spreading his awesomeness all over the place and that’s more than enough around here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s triple threat with Undertaker winning the title shot.

Opening sequence, which actually still has Rock included. I can’t even remember the last time he was on this show.

Tag Team Titles: APA vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The APA is challenging…..for some reason. Faarooq powerslams Haas for two to start but Benjamin gets in a shot from behind to take over. The jump over Haas (which barely clears his head) crushes Faarooq’s back and the double stomping continues. Haas grabs a bearhug (not something you would expect from him) before tripping Faarooq down for two.

Now it’s Haas going up top but diving into a powerslam, allowing the hot tag to Bradshaw. A fall away slam and big boot drop the champs as everything breaks down. Bradshaw pulls Benjamin outside, leaving Faarooq to hit a spinebuster on Haas for two. Benjamin’s superkick gets two on Faarooq so Bradshaw takes his head off with the Clothesline. Haas gets the foot on the rope though and a belt shot lets the champs retain.

Rating: D+. Actually somewhat better match than I was expecting here and thankfully the APA were just there to give the champs a rub. The division needs some more teams though and having the APA thrown in there for a week is fine enough until we get some fresh acts. Not a bad match, though the ending didn’t do the champs a ton of good.

Eddie Guerrero is polishing his low rider and the US Title when the long black limo arrives. This time it’s Big Show, Sable and Vince, who seem to like Eddie’s car. Brock Lesnar shows up and wants to know why Vince hasn’t talked to him much since Summerslam. Maybe because he’s been busy with Brock’s future wife? It’s because Brock tapped out (Brock REALLY doesn’t want to hear that) but Vince will talk to him later.

Post break, Brock is in Vince’s office where the boss slaps him in the face as a wake up call. It seems to do the trick as Brock grabs him, only to be calmed down when Vince tells him to be a monster. Maybe now he can tap to Benoit or someone else instead of ripping through the roster?

Here’s John Cena for a chat. Cena wants to know why Eddie is waxing the car. Is it dirty, or is he worried that Cena will “jack it with a Compton quickness”? We see a clip of Cena beating Eddie up last week and giving him an AA onto the tire. Cena thinks Eddie should be mowing his lawn because he used him like a girl from a Girls Gone Wild video.

After calling Eddie a rather mean name, here comes the low rider. The fight is on in a hurry with Cena getting the better of it off a belt shot. He’s not done either as he steals the low rider, much to Eddie’s chagrin. Eddie is so shocked that he can’t get out of the ring and chase after the car, which must be going a full four miles an hour as it backs out of the arena.

Post break, after Cena has left the arena, Eddie rants to Stephanie about the car. A Latino street fight in the parking lot is made for next week. Maybe by that point Eddie will figure out how to catch up with a car backing up in slow motion.

Chris Benoit vs. A-Train

Rematch from last week where A-Train tapped with his legs under the ropes. Benoit sticks and moves to start but the chops don’t have much effect. A running elbow in the corner has an effect on Benoit though and A-Train whips him hard in the corner to start on the ribs. We’re already off to a chinlock with a knee in Benoit’s back as A-Train actually has some psychology.

A butterfly suplex of all things gets two on Benoit and we hit the bearhug. Benoit fights out and hits some running forearms, followed by the rolling German suplexes. The Swan Dive misses and the Train Wreck gets two but the referee gets bumped. Cue Rhyno to try a Gore on Benoit, only to hit A-Train by mistake to give Benoit the pin.

Rating: C-. A-Train working the back made sense but are they really spending back to back weeks protecting him? He’s that important? Anyway, Rhyno vs. Benoit should be fine for a one off match but it shouldn’t be any more than that. Benoit needs to move on to something important, especially after spending months with Rhyno in one form or another.

Undertaker praises Angle but says he’s not tapping to the ankle lock even if his ankle is broken. Then he’ll show Angle what a real submission is with the dragon sleeper. If that doesn’t work, maybe it’s a chokeslam or a Tombstone or a Last Ride but he’s leaving with the title. It’s almost weird to hear Undertaker talk like this.

Earlier today, Torrie Wilson and Nidia compared how they look in bikinis for the sake of a bikini contest which took place before the show. Nidia puts in her false breasts and they dance for no apparent reason. Nidia rubs lotion on Torrie’s back, which Torrie seems to like. Is it really already time for another Torrie likes girls story?

Angle promises to make Undertaker tap.

Vince has taken over Stephanie’s office where Brock is apparently slamming things into a wall. Sable is nowhere to be seen and….egads ok then.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is challenging. Angle grabs a front facelock to start so Undertaker grabs a wristlock and cranks away. That earns him a headlock on the mat as they seem to have a lot of time here. Undertaker drops a leg on the arm and cranks on a short armscissors. An armbar of all things sets up Old School but Angle suplexes him right back down.

Undertaker’s solution is to punch Angle in the face, followed by an elbow to the chest on the apron. The apron legdrop drops Angle to the floor and Undertaker posts him for good measure. Back from a break with Undertaker still in control and amazingly not using a chinlock. Angle grabs a sleeper but gets suplexed down, leaving Undertaker to slap himself in the head. Well at least he’s taking this one seriously.

Undertaker’s dragon sleeper is broken up in short order so he goes with the running corner clothesline. Snake Eyes into the running big boot looks to set up a legdrop but Kurt picks the ankle. It’s way too early for a tap out so Angle switches to the Slam for two instead. A second Angle Slam is countered into a chokeslam for two more.

Angle reverses the Last Ride into a sunset flip and then the ankle lock but this time Undertaker pulls him down into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s rolled over into another ankle lock but Undertaker reverses again into a triangle choke. Angle’s arm drops twice so he gets his foot on the ropes for the break.

Undertaker limps into a big boot but only hits ropes, allowing Angle to slap on the ankle lock for a few more seconds. A shot to the face has Angle bleeding from the cheek and Undertaker slugs away for good measure. The chokeslam is countered into the fifth ankle lock and, again, Undertaker rolls out of it. The ankle is fine enough for a chokeslam and the Last Ride but here’s Brock with a chair to beat them both down for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This didn’t hit the level these two are capable of and the ankle lock seemingly not causing Undertaker much discomfort didn’t help things. It felt like they were just doing their thing until we got to the finish, which didn’t give us much drama. What we got was good, but it’s really hard to buy the threat of Undertaker tapping, even to someone like Angle.

Brock destroys them both with chair and belt shots.

Post break, Undertaker refuses attention until he collapses.

Angle just settles for some ice.

Some New Orleans Saints are here.

There was a bikini contest earlier today and it’s trimmed to a highlight package. How in the world can you screw up having good looking women walk around in swimsuits? It’s Sable, Dawn Marie, Nidia and Torrie in Mardi Gras themed attire before they disrobe. Torrie wins but Shaniqua runs in and beats them all down. I’m really hoping this was cut due to time instead of content because that would be a new low even for WWE.

The APA isn’t happy with their loss but the office is back. They even have a red bow on the door and a butler (Bradshaw: “I won him in a poker game. I even have a deed for him!”) to present them with cigars and beer. This might be better if they hadn’t lost earlier in the night but we’re not supposed to remember that part. Well assuming you ignored what they talked about to start the segment.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri

Rey is defending. They start fast with Rey armdragging him down, only to have us go into a standoff. Rey tries a headscissors out of the corner but lands on the referee, who is nice enough to throw him off so he can flip Tajiri over. The springboard is broken up with a superkick and Rey is rocked on the apron. He’s fine enough to miss a 619 though and Tajiri kicks him in the back to knock him outside.

Cole brags about Mysterio defending the title week after week the last few weeks (this is his second title defense in two weeks Cole) as the handspring elbow is broken up with a spinwheel kick. Back from a break with Tajiri kicking him out of the air and grabbing a hammerlock. Not exactly a move you expect to see so late into a match. Rey sends him outside and hits a hard suicide dive to take both guys down.

Back in and Tajiri blocks a sunset bomb with right hands but it’s Rey kicking him down for two. The sitout bulldog (which isn’t innovative Cole) gets two and the springboard seated senton gets the same. A hard kick to the arm drops Rey for two more and we hit the Tarantula.

Rey is right back with the 619 but the springboard splash hits raised boots to the face. Mysterio is fine enough to try his own Tarantula but Tajiri breaks it up without too much effort. They head up top with Tajiri getting shoved down, setting up the West Coast Pop from the turnbuckle to retain.

Rating: B. Solid wrestling match here with Rey getting tested. Who would have guessed that Rey Mysterio and Tajiri would have a good match if they were given a long stretch of time? Hopefully this goes somewhere else with Rey getting to defend the title against the top cruiserweights, which is kind of the point of the title in the first place. Good match, as you probably expected.

Post match Tajiri mists him to turn heel again.

Here are Vince and Big Show for the big closing segment. Vince didn’t like that DQ finish earlier so Angle will be defending the title again. In two weeks, it’s Angle vs. Lesnar in a sixty minute Iron Man match right here on Smackdown. Oddly enough, Vince is very low key in the announcement. Vince brings out Brock….who isn’t here.

Brock pops up in a sky box and thanks Vince for reminding him of who he is. Earlier tonight he proved who he is by attacking Undertaker and Angle. We pause for the YOU TAPPED OUT chants before Brock talks about what went on behind those closed doors earlier. Brock was, shall we saw, softening up someone who needed to be taught a lesson. Brock steps aside and Zach Gowen is in a wheelchair with a gag around his mouth.

Brock slaps him in the broken leg and talks about the wheelchair being jet powered. Gowen panics (well duh) and Brock wheels him back to the concourse where he throws Zach out of the chair. Zach crawls away (without taking the gag off for some reason) but Brock kicks him in the broken leg. Brock talks about wanting to be the monster and we cut back to Vince looking curious.

More stomps to the leg keep Gowen in trouble before Lesnar talks about the chair being magical. See, it can fly, and Brock is going to prove it. Gowen is sat in the chair and Brock chokes him out before shoving Gowen down the steps (complete with a camera cut to Vince before the big fall) to end the show.

This was rather long as Brock had him in the stairwell for above five minutes. I get the idea here of making Brock out to be a monster, but didn’t they do that when Brock caved Gowen’s head in and broke his leg in the first place? I think we’ve covered this already and it might have been a bit more effective if he hadn’t lost to Angle clean at Summerslam. The scene was effective but the camera cut hurt it a bit and it went on a tad too long. Hopefully that gets rid of Gowen for a little while longer as there’s only so much you can get out of having him around.

Overall Rating: C+. Two long and entertaining matches are more than enough to carry this show as we flash back to the glory days of Smackdown for a week. The Iron Man match has some serious potential as they’ll have time to do whatever they want, which is often lacking around here. Throw in booking Eddie vs. Cena a week in advance and it’s almost like they’re thinking ahead for once. This was a fun show and, stupid parts aside, gives me hope that Smackdown might be on its way back up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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In case you haven’t heard enough about her yet.

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s one of the biggest shows of the year and I can’t bring myself to get excited over it. This show really hasn’t been built up very well with only the Smackdown World Title match with Kurt Angle defending against Brock Lesnar offering much interest. The rest of the show feels very flat, especially the Raw World Title match which should have been Goldberg vs. HHH. Let’s get to it.

The United States Marine Corps Color Guard presents the flag and Lillian Garcia sings the National Anthem. As always, it’s an outstanding performance.

The opening video shows a beach but the sun goes behind a cloud and the shot shifts to the Elimination Chamber. The narration basically makes it sounds like the Chamber is poisoning everyone’s souls and turning them all evil, including Kane, who isn’t even in the thing. I’d bet money that Jim Ross wrote that, thinking it sounded even more dramatic than when he gives the Cell human characteristics.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and Bubba brings out the American flag. The Dudleys jump them in the aisle and the beatdown is on with D-Von choking Dupree with the robe. An armdrag into an armbar (FEEL THE HATRED!) doesn’t go very well as Dupree takes D-Von into the corner so the champs can take over. D-Von is right back with the shots to the head, allowing the tag off to the very loud Bubba. It might be annoying, but I can always go for a partner making noise and being active on the apron instead of just standing there.

Grenier gets tied in the Tree of Woe so Bubba can stand between his legs for a loud scream. It’s not quite table time, allowing Grenier to get in a cheap shot so the champs can really take over. Dupree grabs a bearhug, which is quite the odd visual on someone as big as Bubba. A Bubba Bomb gets him out of trouble though and the not very hot tag brings in D-Von for the house cleaning.

Dupree gets powerslammed for two but the champs clear the ring again. The double spinebuster gets two on D-Von (there’s the crowd reaction, and all it took was kicking out of the champs’ finisher). Bubba comes back in for the Flip, Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up on Grenier. 3D connects but Grenier pulls the referee out, allowing a cameraman to deck D-Von with his camera, giving Dupree the pin. It’s the serviceman from Raw of course.

Rating: C-. The match was ok, but not exactly the hottest choice in the world for an opener. Having the Americans lose to the EVIL Frenchmen doesn’t quite get the show off on the right foot and now we’re likely to see another rematch between these teams as this feud to show off THE POWERS OF AMERICA continues. La Resistance is fine to hold the titles, but they need something more than “we are French and therefore evil”.

Post match Spike Dudley comes in and gets beaten down as well. So after the big American military opening and carrying the flag, the Dudleys lose to the heatless champions again. The Dudleys would get the belts back a month later, but instead we need to see them lose here. Of course we also needed this match instead of the World’s Greatest Tag Team, Rey Mysterio, John Cena or Christian.

Coach tries to talk to the Dudleys but makes the mistake of praising La Resistance’s success. Bubba declares that people who hate America suck and promises to get the belts back.

Christian asks Eric Bischoff why he’s not on the show but Eric blames Steve Austin. Since he can’t wrestle, he offers to be Bischoff’s backup tonight. Bischoff has a plan though and promises to tell the world what happened with Linda on Monday.

We recap A-Train running Stephanie McMahon over last month and costing her a match against Sable. This turned into A-Train vs. Undertaker and WWE actually expects us to believe that this isn’t going to turn into Sable vs. Stephanie again.

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Sable is with A-Train in a rather nice outfit. Undertaker has bad ribs so he dodges a bit to start instead of going in full steam ahead. Instead of staying on the ribs, A-Train tries a headlock, allowing Undertaker to knee him in the ribs and take over. The running DDT gets two on A-Train and Old School connects early on. A shot to the ribs finally cuts Undertaker off (thanks for finally getting the idea Train) and some forearms to the ribs are good for two.

A-Train stays on the ribs with a vertical suplex, followed by a headbutt. Cole: “It’s like being hit in the head with a typewriter.” Normally I would question that, but Cole is the kind of dolt who would do that for fun. Undertaker manages Snake Eyes and a double clothesline puts both guys down for a quick rest.

A slugout goes to Undertaker (well duh) and a big legdrop gets two. For some reason Undertaker tries the Last Ride but a shove gives us a ref bump. The Derailer of course gets a delayed two and the referee gets bumped again. That is way, WAY too popular of a booking trope these days. A-Train hits the bicycle kick to take Undertaker down but gets a chair kicked into his face for two. The chokeslam gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. Matches against power guys like this can be Undertaker’s bread and butter but there’s only so much you can do to make A-Train interesting. The match wasn’t terrible and they kept it slow enough, but this Undertaker stands up for Stephanie thing is about as forced as you can get. There’s only so much you can do as a surrogate for Vince vs. Stephanie, especially when the best villain available for the spot is A-Train.

Post match Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Sable comes in and rubs his chest. Undertaker grabs her by the throat and STEPHANIE IS BACK!!! WE CAN LIVE HAPPY LIVES AGAIN!!! Stephanie gets to do some catfighting until A-Train pulls Sable out. I guess this is what passes for a big moment around here.

Some fans in the front row think Goldberg is going to win the Chamber. Uh, thanks for that.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff, which starts off looking a lot like Shane vs. Kane. Bischoff then decided that he hated Shane for stealing WCW from him back in 2001. You know, because that’s a story people were thinking about. Eric went after Shane, including having Kane attack him and cost him a match against Eric.

Then Eric went to Connecticut and may have forced himself on Linda McMahon. It came out of almost nowhere and really was more of a complicated way to get to Kane vs. Shane. It’s more of WWE thinking you could just toss a McMahon into a story and everything would be fine, which doesn’t work as well when you do it in two straight matches.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Bischoff addresses what happened with Linda, saying it happened again and again and again. Now he knows where Shane gets all of his energy, so here’s Shane in a….complete non hurry actually. Shane pounds him down in the corner with reckless abandon (Or is it still Ruthless Aggression?), followed by some forearms to the ear (called crossfaces by JR).

Eric can’t make it up the aisle as Christian might be coming off like a good idea right about now. A baseball slide sends Eric into the barricade as this has been one sided so far. Shane’s dancing punches take Bischoff down again but the Coach of all people comes in to chair Shane down. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Bischoff thought COACH was a better option than the Intercontinental Champion? I get that they want to protect Christian from having to get beaten up by Shane but that makes no sense from Bischoff’s perspective.

Eric says he’s restarting the match as falls count anywhere with no disqualifications so Coach sends Shane into the steps for two. They head inside where Bischoff tells the production staff to cut JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do live commentary in the ring. Bischoff throws kicks as Coach does the traditional job of mocking JR. Shane finally gets in a kick of his own and scores with a DDT, only to have Coach hit him low.

That’s enough to make the glass shatter, as everyone knew was coming. Coach does the “I’m not touching you” thing until Shane shoves him into Austin, meaning the beatdown can be on. The dispatching doesn’t take long and Austin orders JR and King’s mics be turned on again. Austin is about to leave but Shane grabs Bischoff’s hand and slaps Austin in the jaw, meaning a Stunner is perfectly acceptable. Shane pulls him up at two though, as the big elbow drives Bischoff through the announcers’ table for the pin.

Rating: F. What did this accomplish? There’s no reason this couldn’t have been the end of Monday Night Raw as the big deal was Coach turning heel. Use this valuable pay per view time (some of the biggest pay per view time of the year) on the people who matter, not for the sake of making Kane look good because he never gets to do that otherwise. This was really annoying, especially when you consider everything that was left off the show so this could get a lot of time.

Beer is consumed post match because this hasn’t eaten up enough time yet.

HHH and Ric Flair get very serious with Randy Orton, telling him that he needs to focus on keeping the title on HHH and nothing more. Orton: “What? I got it.”

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending under tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Tony Chimmel tells us that this is the four way for the US Title before telling us that this is the four way for the US Title. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie staying on the floor, which might not be the smartest move in the world here. With Tajiri sent outside, Benoit snaps the Crossface onto Rhyno, drawing Eddie in for the save. Rhyno clotheslines Tajiri for two and Eddie is there for the save again. Eddie gets triple teamed but Rhyno shifts over to Benoit for some reason.

A powerslam gives Rhyno two on Eddie as it’s still all over the place, albeit not at the fastest pace. Rhyno and Benoit are sent outside, leaving Tajiri to monkey flip Eddie for two. All four are back in with Rhyno superplexing Eddie for two with Tajiri making the save. Tajiri gets the same by kicking Benoit in the head but the champ saves this time. A headscissors puts Rhyno on the floor and Eddie’s rope walk hurricanrana gets two on Benoit.

Tajiri comes back in and gets caught in the Lasso From El Paso but Benoit quickly follows with a Crossface on Rhyno. Eddie isn’t sure what to do but Tajiri making the ropes makes his decision much easier. That earns Eddie a Crossface of his own until Rhyno and Tajiri break it up. Rhyno busts up Tajiri’s spine for two and it’s Benoit rolling some German suplexes to make Tajiri feel even worse.

Tajiri manages to get in one of his own though and bridges back for a close two, leaving everyone down at once. Back up and Tajiri gets Benoit in the Tarantula, leaving Rhyno to Gore Eddie. The problem is Eddie had the US Title in his hands to bust up Rhyno’s shoulder, leaving him down in pain. Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two as Tajiri dives in for a save, only to have both of them fall outside. Eddie sneaks in with a frog splash to pin Rhyno and retain the title.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that was trying hard to be great. There were a few too many dead spots in there though and they never hit a higher gear that they were capable of, but at least they did well with what they did. Eddie stealing the pin after cheating with the belt makes perfect sense for him and it’s the right idea to keep the title on him with the roll he’s currently on.

We look at Brock Lesnar destroying Zach Gowen, who will be out for a good while as a result.

Earlier tonight on Heat, Matt Hardy accepted a forfeit win over Gowen.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock beat Angle for the title at Wrestlemania and Angle went on the shelf. While he was out, Angle and Lesnar became friends, which lead them to Vengeance where Angle won the title back in a triple threat. A few weeks later, Lesnar turned on Angle to join forces with Vince in the name of being the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock attacked Angle in a cage and left him laying, which has only ticked Angle off coming in to the title match.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is challenging and we actually get an old school rules explanation from the referee. They hit the mat to start with Angle getting the better of it (not exactly shocking) and frustrating Lesnar early on. Another takedown looks to set up the ankle lock but Kurt goes to a headlock that Brock can break far more easily. Odd thinking there. Back up and Brock shoves him away without too much effort so Angle armdrags Lesnar outside, frustrating Brock all over again.

Kurt follows him outside and starts in on Brock’s knee before sending him into the barricade. Back in and the first suplex gets two on Brock, who responds by gorilla pressing him out to the floor in a big crash (great visual with Angle just falling to the floor). Now it’s Brock’s turn for a suplex as he’s starting to look all surly. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two on Kurt and we hit the rear naked choke before that meant much to a lot of fans. It’s off to a regular bodyscissors instead, followed by a chinlock.

Of course Angle fights up (after Brock let go of two better holds), this time being cut down by a hard knee to the ribs. A hard clothesline drops Angle again and the move that would become known as Shell Shock (complete with walking around the ring) gives Brock two. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Angle’s ribs so Kurt hits him in the face. You don’t do that to Lesnar though and Angle gets more shoulders to his ribs for his efforts.

Brock’s big running charge goes into the post though and Kurt’s running shoulder block staggers Lesnar. A dropkick to the knee has Brock in more trouble and it’s time to roll the German suplexes (with Lesnar holding the shoulder off each one). The Angle Slam doesn’t work and Brock goes back to the ribs with a spinebuster. Since one finisher is countered, the other has to be as well so Kurt reverses the F5 into a good looking DDT for two of his own. Now the Angle Slam is good for two and Angle is even more fired up.

In my favorite Angle spot, he puts the straps back up so he can take them down all over again. The ankle lock goes on but Brock rolls forward, sending Angle into the referee. Kurt charges at him for what looks like a sunset flip but stops halfway, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck and arm (almost in an upside down triangle choke). Since that’s not the easiest hold to maintain, Angle switches over to the ankle lock for the tap but there’s no referee.

Cue Vince to chair Angle in the back, setting up the F5 for a delayed two. Another F5 is reversed into the ankle lock to put Brock in real trouble. He grabs all four bottom ropes but the hold isn’t broken for absolutely no apparent reasons, meaning Brock has to tap to retain Angle’s title.

Rating: B+. It’s not quite their Wrestlemania match but Angle getting his win back makes sense….in theory. They’ve been building Lesnar up as the unstoppable monster for the last few weeks so it would have made sense to have him win here (with Vince’s help) before losing the rematch down the line. That being said, I’m fine with Angle retaining here as it makes sense from the long term. In other words, this one depends on how you look at it, but it’s a rather strong match either way.

Vince gets an Angle Slam through a chair to wish him a happy birthday.

We recap Kane vs. Rob Van Dam. Kane lost his mask and despite Van Dam trying to calm him down and say that he didn’t need the mask, Kane went crazy and started destroying everything in his path. This included beating up Van Dam, Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon and setting Jim Ross on fire. This seems to be setting up Kane vs. Shane, but first Van Dam gets his shot tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred, which is added right before the match. JR refers to Kane as the “byproduct of an inbred mongrel dog”. As I so often wonder of both JR and Jim Cornette: WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? Van Dam tries to start fast but gets clotheslined down in short order. They head outside with Kane sending him into the barricade but charging into a boot, allowing Rob to follow up with another kick to the face.

Van Dam gets posted though and it’s time for a ladder. Rob is smart enough to kick it into his face, followed by a top rope kick to the chest. A crossbody puts them both on the floor and of course Kane takes over again. The announcers talk about what Kane did to Linda, which is both a good and bad idea. It’s good in that it shows you what Kane is capable of and how evil he is, but it also shows you how unimportant this match is because it’s all about Shane vs. Kane down the line.

Back in and another kick to Kane’s face knocks him into the corner (there’s certainly a pattern here) as JR deems Kane smelly. Kane shoves Rob off the top and down onto the barricade as the violence starts to go the monster’s way again. The ladder to the face drops Rob again and it’s time for some simple choking. Thankfully the referee doesn’t break it up because that comes off as barring a hold, which might get a lawyer involved with his life.

Rob gets kicked outside again and this time Kane follows by going to the top, only to dive into the barricade by mistake (that looked bad on replay as Kane seemed to slip, leaving him without enough distance and sending him head first into the barricade). Now it’s Rob getting in a ladder shot, which Kane of course shrugs off.

A DDT on the floor knocks Rob silly but he’s able to drop toehold Kane into the steps. The spinning kick from the apron drops Kane again, followed by Rolling Thunder onto the chair. Kane sits up so Rob dropkicks the chair into his face for good measure. The Van Terminator misses though and a Tombstone onto the steps is enough to end Rob.

Rating: B. Nice brawl here but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it didn’t mean anything given the story they’ve already told us is coming. Rob was trying here though and made the match fun, especially with the story of the wrestling going to Van Dam and the hardcore stuff going to Kane, but we’re heading for Kane vs. Shane and everyone knows it.

Bischoff is banged up and doesn’t want to talk about his loss but Linda McMahon comes in. Eric starts stammering and gets slapped in the face as the billionaire gets revenge. I can totally relate.

Flair gives HHH a final pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

Long recap on the main event, which also features a look at the Chamber. HHH was scheduled to defend against Goldberg one on one but a torn groin necessitated a multi-person match because Heaven forbid HHH take a spear and Jackhammer and lose in a short match with the excuse that he wasn’t ready or was wrestling hurt or any other idea they had. Somehow we get Kevin Nash in another main event though, because that’s what the world was waiting for. There have been some personal issues added after the match announcement but it still feels a little thrown together.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

The intervals are three minutes this year because we need to move this along. Goldberg slips during his entrance, which is edited out of the Network version (though he goes from standing in the middle of the stage to a few steps to the right off a camera cut). Shawn and Jericho start us off as the fans chant for Goldberg. They hit the mat to start for the Flair pinfall reversal sequence before trading slaps.

Shawn backdrops him but has to switch to a small package to escape the Walls attempt. Jericho can’t hit the Lionsault so instead we’ll listen to JR mess up history by saying this title has only changed hands once before in Arizona. That’s some nice sounding trivia, but remember that this title isn’t even a year old yet and has its own lineage. Sure that doesn’t mean much, but this is the way WWE has set things up and they can’t keep it straight. Anyway, Orton is in third with a high crossbody for two on Shawn, followed by the signature backbreaker gets the same on Jericho.

The RKO is broken up though and Jericho backdrops Orton onto the steel. Now the Walls work just fine on Shawn but it’s Kevin Nash in fourth. That’s enough for Jericho to break it up and go after Nash, who isn’t happy with his new haircut. I find it rather spiffy, even as Nash throws Jericho into the Chamber wall. Nash’s side slam gets two on Orton and Jericho is busted open. Nash goes over for a Jackknife, only to get superkicked down, allowing Jericho to roll him up for the pin, meaning Nash was in there for all of two minutes.

HHH is in fifth….and Shawn superkicks him right back into the pod. Nash isn’t done yet though and Jackknifes Jericho and Orton as a parting gift. Shawn, who is down off throwing a superkick, covers both villains for two each. Everyone punches it out until Goldberg is in to complete the field. Right hands and forearms abound and it’s the spear to get rid of Orton in short order. Jericho gets launched onto the cage floor again and another spear sends him through the Plexiglas.

As Goldberg gets back in, Shawn scores with a forearm followed by the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music misses though and it’s a spear and Jackhammer to get us down to three. The same thing gets rid of Jericho and it’s HHH (who still hasn’t gotten out of the pod) vs. Goldberg for the title.

Flair shuts the pod again and holds it shut as well as he can, only to have Goldberg break the “unbreakable Plexiglas”. Some right hands keep HHH in trouble and Goldberg sends him into the Chamber walls a few times. A clothesline takes him down again and HHH is busted open. Goldberg loads up the spear but Flair slips HHH the sledgehammer to knock Goldberg cold and the title is retained.

Rating: D. This wasn’t even twenty minutes long. The best way to describe this match would be a middle finger to the fans who are nearly dying to see HHH lose that freaking title already but we need to make sure he’s ready to give Goldberg the rub or something. I’m not sure how WWE can validate keeping the title on HHH when they have Goldberg right there and HHH can barely move, but I’m sure it’s just the right thing to do, at least according to HHH. That’s 2003 in a nutshell: cheer for whomever you want, but you get HHH.

The rest of the match was of course nothing because Goldberg was the only person who could conceivably win the thing. Instead of something competitive and compelling, it was fifteen minutes of waiting around on Goldberg, then Goldberg crushing people for a few minutes, and then HAHA IT’S THE SLEDGEHAMMER AGAIN! The ending was so deflating that there’s not

Evolution beats Goldberg down and handcuffs him to the Chamber because WWE needs to demonstrate how to book Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t even that bad, but rather almost completely flat. There are a few good matches with Brock vs. Angle being a highlight but that just made me want to watch the Wrestlemania match again. The TV coming into this show has been really dull due to a lot of McMahons and while they were used more sparingly here, you could still feel them throughout the whole show. That main event really took the life out of the whole thing though and there was nothing else that was going to fix things. Not a good show, but it could have been worse.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: C-

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

2013 Redo: N/A

2018 Redo: F

Rhyno vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B+

2018 Redo: B-

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

2018 Redo: B+

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: B

HHH vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

2013 Redo: C-

2018 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: D

That’s one of the hardest swings I’ve ever had on a show but you can see a little consistency in there somewhere.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/08/summerslam-count-up-2003-meet-the-old-hhh-same-as-the-new-hhh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: August 21, 2003
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Opening sequence.

This brings out Vince to say that he can’t give Kurt what he wants tonight. See, tonight is about what Vince wants so Angle won’t be having a fight. If Angle lays a hand on either Vince or Brock tonight, he’s suspended and no longer champion. Instead, Angle can have a match with Big Show. This brings out Show and Angle is willing to fight him now, meaning the brawl is on in the aisle. Kurt easily kicks him low and gets in a belt shot until referees pull him off. This was a bit shorter than some recent opening segments and while it set up a match that we’ve covered enough, Angle showed some great fire.

Post match Show freaks out in the back and Vince tells him that the main event is now a falls count anywhere street fight.

Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

Non-title because….you know the reasons by now. Therefore, Matt, who has never lost his cell phone and has hipper pants than Rey, can’t win the title. Hardy wastes no time in taking him down for some early two counts, only to have Rey come back with a springboard headscissors. Billy Kidman has to intercept a cheating Shannon Moore but the distraction lets Matt get in a thumb to the eye. That doesn’t stop Rey from hitting a corkscrew dive to the floor but a springboard is broken up with a hard forearm. Shannon misses a chair shot but Kidman is accused instead, earning him an ejection.

Back from a break with Rey being posted and an elbow drop getting two. A Side Effect plants Rey for two but he comes right back with a spinning DDT to put both guys down. The springboard seated senton gets two but Matt grabs a reverse Side Effect (that’s not a bad finisher) for two of his own. Rey’s moonsault press gives him two of his own but a Shannon distraction saves Matt from the 619. Cue Zach Gowen to cane Matt in the back, setting up the 619. West Coast Pop gives Rey the pin.

Rating: B. As usual, these two were working out there and if you give Rey an opponent who can keep up with him, you’re going to get a solid performance. I like the idea of Rey fighting off both guys and winning in the end, but setting up Matt vs. Gowen on Sunday when the Cruiserweight Champion, the Intercontinental Champion and the Smackdown Tag Team Champions don’t make the pay per view seems like missing the point.

Brock comes in to see Vince and says if Angle has a match, he wants one too. Vince gives him Gowen, making Brock laugh. He promises to break Gowen’s leg tonight. As in his good leg. Well it wouldn’t mean much otherwise.

We actually look back at A-Train brawling with Undertaker and pinning Stephanie in a match. Oh but that’s not good enough so we also see the BUILD to the match, including A-Train talking to Stephanie in the back. Do they really think that fans sympathize or identify with Stephanie? Who would actually write that story other than Stephanie herself?

Zack Gowen’s mother is here (Gowen is the hometown boy tonight) and is so proud of him but is also worried about seeing him get hurt.

Billy Gunn/Jamie Noble vs. Basham Brothers

Tazz: “Jamie’s Got a Gunn!” I’ve heard worse. The brawl starts on the floor with the announcers putting Shaniqua over as a monster, making me worried that she’s supposed to be the star of the whole thing. Billy gives Danny a tilt-a-whirl powerslam to start as the announcers talk about Lesnar wanting to break Gowen’s leg. Why is this so shocking? It kind of fits what he would normally do no?

The Bashams beat Billy down in the corner as Cole laments Stephanie not being here tonight. See, she can show up and fix everything of course. Billy gets stomped down for two more and some crossface shots to the face make it even worse. A charge in the corner misses though and Gunn Diamond Cuts his way into the hot tag to Noble.

Jamie comes in and starts cleaning house, including a swinging neckbreaker for two on Doug. A good looking top rope elbow gets the same as everything breaks down. Shaniqua pulls Jamie out of the ring and clotheslines Nidia and Torrie down with ease. The Fameasser plants Doug but the twins switch, including a riding crop shot to Gunn. Doug small packages Jamie for the pin.

Rating: D+. The Bashams get a much needed win but this story hasn’t exactly done anyone any favors. Billy is bringing Jamie down and it’s not exactly helping Noble to have him as a good guy when he’s a naturally good heel. The Bashams are playing second fiddle to their manager, who isn’t interesting in the first place. But at least we got that “funny” hotel segment between the good guys.

Lesnar threatens to break Gowen’s leg again.

We look at Brock destroying Spanky last week. Cool. Now do the same to Gowen.

Brock Lesnar vs. Zack Gowen

Gowen’s entrance focuses on his mom so you know this one is going to hurt. Before the bell, Brock goes outside and gets in the mom’s face but she won’t even shake his hand. The distraction lets Gowen hit a dive which I don’t believe would drop Lesnar for a second. Brock throws him down but gets hit with the prosthetic leg, only to drive Gowen into the post. Back in and we get the opening bell as the slaughter is in full swing. The mom continues to look completely emotionless, even as Brock hits the double powerbomb. A chair to the head gives Gowen the DQ win in short order. Good. Now keep him off TV.

Gowen is busted open (and it is a GUSHER, which is probably the reason for the TV-MA) so Brock F5’s the leg into the post. Another chair shot and another F5 into the post seems to destroy Gowen’s leg. Cole is LIVID over the idea that Lesnar would do this as Gowen goes out on a stretcher. Brock shoves the stretcher over and the VERY bloody Gowen crashes down while his mother….looks exactly the same as she did earlier.

Back from a break and we see the attack again. Cole: “Tragedy has struck Smackdown.” Oh good grief. Cole says he’s breaking tradition and taking sides here to rant against Lesnar. Tazz even takes off the sunglasses to talk about how he didn’t know Brock like he thought he did. This is as forced as trying to make me believe that Gowen could compete against WWE wrestlers.

Undertaker/Orlando Jordan vs. John Cena/A-Train

Pre-match, Cena rants about hating Detroit. If they think he sucks, Cena knows they swallow. Cole says that Vince has taken over with Stephanie gone. You know, because Stephanie was above Vince when she was around. Undertaker takes Cena down to start and hammers on the ribs but stops to glare at A-Train.

Back up and Cena low bridges Undertaker out to the floor for some shots to the back, only to get his throat snapped over the ropes. Old School gets two as Cole talks about the devastating work Undertaker did to Cena’s shoulder a few weeks back. It’s so devastating that Cena has been hiding the effects ever since.

Jordan and A-Train come in with A-Train easily suckering Jordan in and giving him an early beating. Orlando gets in a DDT and is already crawling over to the corner despite taking all of thirty seconds of offense. Undertaker comes in to do the work, including Snake Eyes into the big boot on Cena.

The alternating corner clotheslines have the villains in trouble and Undertaker grabs a dragon sleeper on Cena. Jordan cuts off A-Train and gets the Derailer for his efforts (my goodness this guy is worthless). Undertaker chokeslams A-Train but gets caught in a spinebuster from Cena. The Last Ride is broken up by a chain shot to the ribs, giving Cena the pin.

Rating: D. The only thing I got out of this is a good laugh at how pathetic Jordan was. Really, he gets beaten down for thirty seconds and can’t even get to his feet? This is supposed to be the guy Undertaker is mentoring? Cena pinning Undertaker was the right ending, even if Cena is another name on the long list of people not making the pay per view. Again: Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff and La Resistance are part of an eight match card where ten people are in two matches. If you can’t fit three different titles and an up and comer like Cena on there, learn to plan better.

Post break Sable hits on A-Train and wants to thank him on behalf of Vince for taking care of Stephanie. She gives him a hotel room key.

Eddie Guerrero/Rhyno vs. Chris Benoit/Tajiri

Rhyno gets a ride in the low rider. Tazz: “CALL THE ZOO!” Eddie has the REALLY strong hydraulics this week as he gets half of the car about three and a half feet off the ground and holds it there to show off. Eddie and Benoit start things off with Guerrero actually winning a chop off and sending Benoit into the corner. Benoit is back with a backdrop but Eddie hides behind the referee and gets in a shot to the knee.

It’s off to Rhyno for a backbreaker but Eddie has to break up a very fast Crossface. Eddie comes back in with a seated abdominal stretch, followed by the rolling suplexes. He takes a bit too long going up though and it’s a superplex back down, allowing the double tag to Rhyno and Tajiri. Rhyno gets caught in the Tarantula, leaving Benoit to hit the Swan Dive on Eddie. Tajiri decks Benoit by mistake though and the Gore is good for the pin.

Rating: C+. The four way is the only match I’m looking forward to outside of Lesnar vs. Angle and a good tag match helped the building process. Rhyno getting the pin gives him a little momentum and helps shake the feeling that only Benoit and Eddie are likely to leave as champion. This was an example of letting the wrestlers wrestle and that’s always going to work.

Post match Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface but Eddie breaks it up with a belt shot. Just to show it’s not personal, Eddie belts both Rhyno and Tajiri as a bonus.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

Non-title and hardcore. Angle waits at the entrance and hammers on Show as soon as he comes through the curtain. Show gets the better of the fight and knocks Angle down at ringside. It’s already table time but Show slides it in instead of setting it up. A slam onto the unset table keeps Angle down and a legdrop is good for two. There’s a big toss across the ring and one of those scary loud chops to Angle’s chest.

Show puts the table in front of Angle in the corner yet seems surprised when Angle shoves it into his charging head. The Angle Slam gets a delayed two but Show kicks him out to the floor again. The table is set but Kurt gets in a chair shot. That has very little effect though as Show punches the chair back into his face and Angle is down again.

A powerbomb through the table is countered with a chair to the head for two more, followed by a running chair shot to put Show outside. Show drops him over the barricade and loads up the steps but Angle grabs him low for a breather. The ankle lock over the steps is broken up so Angle knocks him over the table. An Arabian facebuster of all things gets two on Show but the Angle Slam through the table is enough to put Show away.

Rating: B. Actually a fun brawl here as they were doing some different spots instead of all the usual stuff you would see here. Angle getting a win helps, even though Big Show got in a lot of offense. Of course that doesn’t mean much as Big Show is another name not on Summerslam but why let that get in the way of a good match?

Lesnar comes out for the staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a harder one to rate as the wrestling was good for the most part (the bad matches were mostly short) but it didn’t do a great job of making me want to see the pay per view. Undertaker vs. A-Train is going to be about Stephanie vs. Sable/Vince and I’m not exactly thrilled by the two good looking Smackdown matches. Maybe I’ll be surprised but with Raw looking dreadful, the possibilities aren’t strong.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6