Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2005: Horrible Injuries Can Be Hilarious

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

The opening video is designed like a clock counting down in the Rumble. Cool idea there.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

The Canadian is sent back to the floor but he catches Shawn in an Edge-O-Matic to take over again. A baseball slide keeps Shawn down and we head back inside. The fans are firmly behind Shawn here, which means the heel turn is working for Edge. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets caught in a powerbomb for two instead. Off to a rear naked choke from Edge which stays on for a good while.

Anyway Shawn pounds away in the corner and grabs a rollup for two, prompting Edge to try to walk out. The imbecile of a referee holds Shawn back, allowing Edge to sneak up from behind and spear Shawn to the floor. Shawn finally crawls back in and Edge dances a bit. Edge tunes up the band and spears Shawn down for two more, sending Edge into a fit. He pulls his own hair out and does those awesome facials that only Edge can do.

With nothing else to try, Edge puts Shawn on top for a superplex, only to get knocked down for the flying elbow from Shawn. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop for two more and Edge is very frustrated. Edge rolls through a sunset flip into the Edgeucator (imagine a Sharpshooter but with Edge behind Shawn like an ankle lock) but Shawn makes the rope. After a small package gets two for Shawn, Edge reverses a rollup into one of his own and grabs the ropes for the cheap pin.

Heidenreich is panicking about caskets when Snitsky comes up. Heavy breathing ensues and Snitsky says he has an idea.

The casket is brought out.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches I was expecting to suck but it wound up being pretty solid. Angle is going to be good no matter what he does and Show had some solid motivation out there for a change. JBL escaping with the title was a recurring theme for nearly a year until he ran into a buzzsaw called John Cena in a few months. Shockingly good match here.

Batista goes to draw his number and hears Bischoff bar Evolution from ringside for the next match. Big Dave seems very happy to tell HHH.

Long video recapping HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other, Orton was never supposed to get another shot, so tonight he gets another shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

The Game goes after the taped up knee and wraps it around the post because he can. HHH modifies the cannonball down onto the leg by dropping an elbow instead of sitting on it. After a quick attempt at a small package by Orton, HHH puts on a LONG Figure Four, lasting way longer than almost any other I can remember. Orton finally turns it over, sending HHH retreating to the floor.

Orton counters a Pedigree attempt into a catapult but HHH counters the RKO for at least the third time before hitting the high knee for two. Randy is bleeding from the lip. The Pedigree is escaped again and Orton gets two off a clothesline. The champ rolls to the floor again and gets sent into the steps for trying to hide. Back in and Orton pounds away in the corner, only to miss a DDT attempt and possibly give himself a concussion.

Teddy tells JBL and company that Jibbles has to defend the title against Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage match at No Way Out.

Royal Rumble

Benoit and Eddie fire off chops in the corner followed by a double suplex because they can. Eddie hits Three Amigos and Hardcore Holly is #4. Holly asks if he can have some fun with Puder and rips some skin off with chops in the corner. Benoit and Eddie get in some chops of their own before Holly kicks Puder low, hits the Alabama Slam, and throws him out. Hurricane is #5 as Guerrero and Benoit dump Holly.

Hurricane gets double teamed but Eddie tries a double cross, only to get chopped for his efforts. Hurricane hits a Blockbuster on Eddie but Benoit chops him down and whips him into Eddie for the elimination. Kenzo Suzuki (one of the most forgettable footnotes in wrestling history) is #6. Just like everyone else, Benoit and Eddie pound on him in the corner with chops and suplexes, but Benoit turns on Eddie ala earlier but only throws him to the apron.

Shawn is #19 and superkicks Simon out, doing some Hindu Squats to celebrate. Edge tries to corner Mysterio in a corner. JR: “Makes a lot of sense.” Shawn backdrops Charlie out and Kurt Angle is #20. He hits Angle Slams on everything in sight but tries the ankle lock on Shawn. Michaels rolls through and superkicks Angle out after less than 40 seconds. Coach is #21 and you can hear JR groan. He gets in a single shot on Benoit and runs to hide.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B-

The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D-

Redo: D

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: C+

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: B-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Like I said, I liked the Rumble a lot more this time around.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/24/royal-rumble-count-up-2005-the-rise-of-the-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Monday Night Raw – January 15, 2018: Smart Booking and Delicious Looking Chocolate Cake

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2018
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

In the back, Braun leaves while threatening security.

Raw moment: Hugh Jackman is guest host.

Post break, a security guard orders Strowman to leave and the destruction is on. Braun promises to do even more.

The Bar vs. Titus Worldwide

Post break, Strowman wrecks catering and chokeslams Curt Hawkins through a table. He does however take a piece of chocolate cake from a nearly catatonic worker. I can appreciate a man with a taste for some cake and Strowman as the unstoppable monster is fun.

Tony Nese vs. Cedric Alexander

Angle is thinking about calling in a SWAT team but is told Strowman is heading towards the production trucks.

Tom Phillips replaces Cole on commentary.

Nia Jax vs. Asuka

Alexa Bliss comes out to check on Nia.

The announcers talk about Martin Luther King Day.

Video on Martin Luther King.

Revival vs. ???/???

Roman Reigns vs. Miztourage

Sasha Banks vs. Sonya Deville

The rest of Absolution, Bayley and Mickie James are at ringside. As we get started, Paige is officially ruled out of the Royal Rumble. Nothing is mentioned beyond that though. A very early Bank Statement attempt send Deville bailing to the ropes but Mandy offers a distraction so Sonya can get in a few shots.

Some wrestlers were at the National Civil Rights Museum last week.

Matt Hardy vs. Heath Slater

Royal Rumble rundown.

Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins

Balor is rather shaken up and the camera stays on him for a long time to end the show.

Results

Titus Worldwide b. The Bar – Rollup to Sheamus

Cedric Alexander b. Tony Nese – Lumbar Check

Asuka b. Nia Jax via referee stoppage

Revival b. ???/??? – Shatter Machine

Roman Reigns b. Miztourage – Spear to Axel

Sonya Deville b. Sasha Banks – Kick to the chest

Matt Hardy b. Heath Slater – Twist of Fate

Seth Rollins b. Finn Balor – Blackout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2004: Uh….What’s His Name!

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

Royal Rumble

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2003: Some High Quality Professional Wrestling

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Nathan Jones vignette.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Royal Rumble

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2002: Time To Play For HHH

Royal Rumble 2002
Date: January 20, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,915
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Tag Titles: Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Dudley Boys

We immediately go to a recap of Regal vs. Edge which is based on Regal using brass knuckles over and over again. Edge got fed up with it and beat up a lot of people with a chair.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

No highlight package for the world title match? For those of you not around in 2002 (LUCKY!), Jericho won the title in December, beating Rock along the way. It makes sense for Rock to get the first shot, especially since they feuded over the end of the year.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Shawn Michaels, in a really stupid looking Texas flag shirt, is at WWF New York. He picks Taker or Austin to win the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble. The main picks to win are Taker, HHH, Angle and Austin.

Royal Rumble

Scotty gets in and walks into a DDT as DDP is #14. Nothing of note continues to happen until Scotty superkicks Page through the ropes to the floor and hits the Worm on Christian. Page sneaks back in and throws Scotty out as Chuck is #15. They all beat on each other for a bit with Christian and Chuck teaming up for a bit. Godfather, now the owner of an escort service in an attempt to salvage the gimmick, is #16 and brings out 12 good looking women with him. Page is eliminated off camera during this.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Billy and Chuck

Original: C-

Redo: D+

William Regal vs. Edge

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. The Rock

Original: B+

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Yep, about the same for the most part here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/21/royal-rumble-count-up-2002-game-on/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Monday Night Raw – February 14, 2000: 12 Year Old KB Was Stupid

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 14, 2000
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,300
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is on my request list and I’m actually making an effort to clear the thing out a little bit. We’re coming up on No Way Out 2000, meaning HHH is still trying to fend off Cactus Jack, who wants to fight him inside the Cell. I’m really not sure why this show was requested but it’s a good time for the company with the Radicalz freshly on the roster. Let’s get to it.

If you’re not familiar with this time, I’ve already done the February 7 show, which you can check out here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/08/17/monday-night-raw-february-7-2000-this-show-is-so-excellent-i-dont-have-a-catchy-title-for-it/

Also of note: this aired at 11pm due to the Westminster Dog Show. It still flattened Nitro.

Opening sequence.

I miss that pyro. But hey, we need to cut every cost ever right?

Here are the freshly heel Radicalz (with Eddie’s wrecked arm in a sling) for a chat but they’re cut off by fellow heels DX. Stephanie, far before she had the confidence to back up her voice, tells us to listen up and then shut up. We see a clip from Smackdown of Kane attacking his ex-girlfriend Tori.

Stephanie blames the fans for egging Kane on because it was their reactions that made him tombstone her. If it’s suffering the people want, it’s suffering they’ll get tonight. HHH is tired of people accusing them of being too light on their adversaries so tonight, the real punishment begins. They’ll start with Too Cool, including Grandmaster Sexay vs. Road Dogg and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Billy Gunn. That brings him to Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn, who will go 2-1 against Rikishi. The only one left is Rock, who gets to face Chris Benoit.

With everyone else out of the way, HHH thinks Kane needs to learn about respect for women. Kane needs to learn that women are his equal and he can’t chokeslam them, even if he doesn’t quite have the X Factor to please a woman like Tori. Therefore, to teach him a lesson, it’s going to be Kane vs. X-Pac in a no holds barred match at No Way Out. X-Pac isn’t happy but HHH has a stipulation: to get X-Pac, Kane has to beat HHH and a mystery partner in a No DQ match tonight. Cue all the good guys mentioned here to clean house.

Edge vs. D-Von Dudley vs. Jeff Hardy

The winner’s team gets a Tag Team Title shot at No Way Out. Edge and Jeff get together for some Poetry in Motion on D-Von as Bubba yells at JR about putting BB (a woman who wasn’t around very long) through a table. D-Von fights back and drops an elbow on Jeff for two, only to have Edge missile dropkick both of them down.

The partners try to get involved but it’s Bubba getting suplexed on the floor for his efforts. The announcers get Jeff and Matt confused (I did the same for years) as Jeff hits a Twist of Fate into the Swanton for two on D-Von. Edge spears Jeff down but gets caught in the reverse implant DDT to give D-Von the fast pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a means to an end but it’s still kind of weird to see D-Von in a singles match. The Dudleys were still pretty new around this point but it was time for them to move up the ranks in a hurry. The tag division was about to take off and this was one of the first major steps to get us there.

Mark Henry and Mae Young get a hotel suite for Valentine’s Day and make it the honeymoon suite, much to the desk clerk’s shock and awe.

Road Dogg vs. Grandmaster Sexay

Dogg breaks up the rather lengthy dancing but gets caught in what would become known as the Skull Crushing Finale for his efforts. Back in and Dogg gets to do some dancing, only to charge into a boot in the corner. A bulldog is broken up though as Sexay is crotched in the corner, followed by a running kick to the head for good measure. Sexay is right back up and crotches Dogg on the top to even things out a bit. The Hip Hop Drop misses though and Dogg’s pumphandle slam is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Not much here but what are you expecting from these two in a singles match? There’s a reason that they were put into teams more often than not and that was rather evident here. Dogg was a great talker but once he had to be in the ring, a lot of his talents were exposed in a hurry.

Mark carries Mae over the threshold and we get a Do Not Disturb tag on the door.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman

Godfather does his full entrance and it’s kind of amazing to think this airs on the same show that we see today. In the back, Snow is trying to hypnotize Blackman into having an interesting personality. Godfather offers Blackman the ladies but gets turned down, setting off a HEAD CHEESE chant. Snow and Godfather get things going with Al avoiding a running elbow. A kick to the back cuts Godfather off as Lawler oogles the ladies. Blackman comes in and kicks Brown down but stops to yell at Snow for carousing with the women. The distraction lets Brown get a sunset flip for the pin, giving Snow and Blackman their first loss.

Mark and Mae get romantic with talks of getting into something more comfortable.

Here’s European Champion (and still relative newcomer) Kurt Angle to talk about how much better Europe is since he won the title. The economy is up, suicide rates are down and tourism is up 16.4%. Whereas in America, the stock market has collapsed and towns like San Jose continue to fall into a deeper depression.

Those falls coincide with Chris Jericho becoming Intercontinental Champion so Angle needs to intervene. Therefore, Angle wants a title shot at No Way Out so he can save America. Angle wants Jericho to come out now but when there’s no Chris, Kurt goes into a rant about Chyna being on the Tonight Show in a rather low cut outfit. He was on the Tonight Show after the Olympics but didn’t embarrass himself because of a little thing called the 3 I’s.

Before he can list them off though, here’s Jericho (who has only been around about six months himself) to interrupt. Jericho heard Angle talking about America falling into a depression but all Angle is doing is make America fall asleep. The brawl is on with Jericho getting the better of it until referees break it up. Cue Chyna to DDT Angle on the floor and celebrate with Jericho. Really strong segment here as you could feel the fire from these two young, hungry and talented guys. Once they threw Benoit in, the combinations just never stopped working.

Mark is in bed and Mae comes out in some lingerie. Shall we say, snuggling ensues and Lawler is almost sick in his crown.

Chris Benoit vs. The Rock

Eddie is in Benoit’s corner. They slug it out to start with Benoit hammering away in the corner but getting punched down for his efforts. A swinging neckbreaker gets two but Eddie grabs the foot to give Benoit an opening. Rock’s arm goes into the post and there’s a chair to the back to keep him in trouble. They’re keeping this one pretty simple so far and that’s the right idea with a TV match. It’s certainly better than throwing a pay per view level match for free on Raw with all of a few hours’ build.

Back in and we hit a cross armbreaker on Rock but Benoit lets it go in short order. A belly to back suplex gets two but Rock grabs a DDT. Eddie is up on the apron in short order though and there’s no count. There is a right hand to Eddie’s jaw however, allowing Benoit to slap on the Crossface. JR swears there’s no way out of the hold, naturally just a few seconds before Rock makes the rope.

The Samoan drop puts Benoit down again as Rock continues to just use basic punches and power moves while Benoit comes up with 28 ways to torture you per match. They fight to the floor where Big Show sneaks in (somehow) and knocks Rock into a German suplex for the pin.

Rating: B-. It’s nice to have some good wrestling, even if it has to be interrupted by Big Show. Rock and Benoit always had nice chemistry together and that made for some solid stuff until we got to the storyline ending. Rock is the kind of guy who can wrestle any kind of opponent and make his offense work. Couple that with a submission master and Rock’s good selling and there’s almost no way this could go bad.

Rock gets laid out post match.

Show, still looking muscular, says there’s no way out for Rock at No Way Out. He’s going to Wrestlemania, hallelujah.

Mark and Mae are in bed and it’s time to exchange gifts. Mae gets chocolates and Mark gets….oh good grief I remember this….edible underwear. Thankfully the camera stays up as she puts them on. The lights go off and…..Mark: “TUTTI-FRUITY!” I….yeah move on. TO ANYTHING ELSE!

Billy Gunn vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Gunn, with the appropriate lips on his gear, punches Scotty down in the corner to start. The running bulldog sets up the Worm but since it’s just a chop, Billy is right back up with a Jackhammer. Dogg distracts the referee for no apparent reason though, allowing Grandmaster to get in a right hand to give Scotty the fluke pin.

The Outlaws’ music plays for some reason. Was Too Cool’s not fun enough or something?

Light Heavyweight Title: Crash Holly vs. Essa Rios

Rios is defending here, having won the title last night on Sunday Night Heat in his debut. Also of note, 12 year old KB loved Rios but thought Lita was holding him back. Hardcore sits in on commentary and says this is the start of a move away from being super heavyweights. They trade bouncing armdrags to start until Essa gets two off a tornado DDT. Crash sends him throat first into the ropes and pounds away before missing a charge in the corner. Lita even grabs a hurricanrana on the floor to quite the reaction. Yeah no future for her whatsoever. Back in and the moonsault retains the title.

Lita adds her own moonsault with Rios counting the pin. Ok so I might have been wrong on this one.

Post break the Hollys are still in the ring with Hardcore saying he’s going to show Crash how it’s done.

Hardcore Holly vs. Tazz

Tazz only debuted less than a month ago. Holly jumps him during the entrance and raises a boot in the corner to stop a charge. A powerslam gives Holly two as the announcers talk about gimmicks. Barbecue sauce is NOT a gimmick by the way, but it might not be able to make Mae’s gift delicious. Holly’s dropkick lets him pose but Tazz grabs a suplex. The Tazmission goes on but Crash comes in for the DQ.

Crash gets beaten up for the third time tonight.

Rikishi Phatu vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko

The villains jump him at the same time to start and quickly eat a double clothesline. A one man 3D drops Malenko and Saturn takes a Samoan drop. That means a double Stinkface but Saturn is back up with a superkick to take over. Rikishi reverses a double suplex but nearly drops both of them on his own attempt. That really didn’t look good, though Rikishi was never quite known for his power. The Rikishi Driver (a sitout Tombstone instead of over the shoulder but still great looking) knocks Malenko silly and a belly to belly drops Saturn. Rikishi loads up the Banzai Drop but Eddie comes in with a pipe to the leg for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was actually better than I was expecting (botched double suplex aside) with serious Rikishi still being somewhat awesome at times. That Rikishi Driver still looked great and some of the power stuff Rikishi could do worked well enough. I could have gone with the Radicalz not basically being squashed so soon after debuting though and that’s not a great sign for their futures.

The Radicalz work on the leg even more until Too Cool makes the save.

Kane vs. HHH/???

No DQ and if Kane wins, he gets X-Pac at No Way Out. The mystery partner is….not X-Pac, who comes out just before the real partner: Big Show. Kane has to slug away at everyone to start and Show breaks up an early chokeslam attempt. We settle down to the big men starting things off with Kane shrugging off some right hands.

JR talks about Show “shocking the world” earlier tonight when he cost Rock a match earlier. I don’t know if he even shocked half of the arena Jim. The fans are logically chanting for Rock as HHH stomps Kane down in the corner. The facebuster and jumping knee put Kane down as we’re just waiting for Rock here. Kane slugs away until a DDT pulls him down for two. Show comes back in for the elbows in the corner as the announcers debate whether or not Kane should have Tombstoned Tori.

Kane fights back on HHH with a big boot, followed by a jumping clothesline to Big Show. A low blow cuts HHH down and X-Pac throws in a chair but here’s Rock….who is immediately chokeslammed. X-Pac comes in to help with the beatdown but Cactus Jack comes in for the real save (running Tori over in the process). Rock chairs Show into a chokeslam for the pin. JR: “BIG SHOW WINS IT! BIG SHOW FACES X-PAC AT NO WAY OUT!” Lawler: “NO! KANE WON!” JR: “KANE WON!” Geez dude.

Rating: D+. Screwy commentary at the end aside, this was perfectly fine with everything you would expect it to have been. When the fans have figured out what’s coming for the ending it’s probably not the best idea in the world, but at least it’s only a few minutes long. There’s no need to stretch this out for longer than it needed to go and they didn’t do that here. Not a bad match but really just there to serve a single purpose.

The good guys clean house to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a good example of how building to a pay per view used to work. Look at how many stories (some better than others) were advanced here. A lot of them were set up in the first segment but as the show went on, the whole thing tied together. However, they managed to do that with a bunch of short matches, which made me wonder where the wrestling was, and why that’s not the best way of thinking.

That’s where the modern fan in me is coming out and shows you how different things are. Today you get the long matches and the big storyline developments in chunks. This is much more about moving things slowly and that works much better week to week, which is how this was supposed to go. It makes for a slower pace because things don’t all happen at once, instead going week to week. You know, for a reason to come back. Now why can’t today’s Raw get that vibe?

They do it to an extent but the modern philosophy seems to be “air big match, air big match again, air same big match on pay per view”. Back in the day, you would actually have to PAY to see the big matches in a rather novel concept. It’s almost like the TV isn’t the be all end all of stuff and fans wanted to see the bigger matches down the line. I’m sure there’s no connection to wrestling’s popularity and this concept.

It also doesn’t help when you have commentary treating only a handful of things as important. How many times today do you see commentary either ignoring a match or basically calling half the wrestlers worthless or stupid? It feels like more than half the time, which makes so much stuff seem like a waste of time. When a lot of the matches are a waste of time, it makes for a weak show.

Overall though, this was a fun show with a lot of things happening but the show never feeling like it was dragging. There’s no match where you look at your watch to see how much longer it could possibly go and nothing feels repetitive. Why is that so hard to get to today? The lack of a second hour helped, but things were on such a roll at this point that it didn’t seem to matter.

Oh and then we had the Mae Young stuff. Today’s Raw doesn’t have that, therefore making it better almost by definition.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – August 7, 2003: Obvious Isn’t Bad

Smackdown
Date: August 7, 2003
Location: Skyreach Place, Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

Smackdown has some work to do to catch up with Raw, which announced an Elimination Chamber match for the upcoming Summerslam. Tonight Smackdown has a big match of its own though with Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon in a cage with Kurt Angle as guest referee. Why that’s a big deal isn’t clear, but note that we’ll be having two McMahons in main events this week, meaning the ratings should be through the roof. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kurt Angle giving Brock a rematch for the title but being cut off by Vince. For some reason Vince agreed to face Brock in a cage tonight. You really can feel the shenanigans coming here and in this case that works best. Just because you can see the ending doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

Opening sequence.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title despite Benoit asking for the title to be on the line. Eddie picks the leg to start and they hit the mat for a technical sequence as you might have expected from these two. The Canadian fans are VERY pro-Benoit (well duh) but an Eddie chant pops up as well because Eddie is just on another level at this point.

Benoit backdrops his way out of a wristlock and Eddie bails to the ropes before Benoit can grab a hold of his own. Instead some insanely loud chops have Eddie begging for time out but he’s still able to snapmare him down and take over again. A slingshot hilo and belly to back suplex give Eddie two and it’s off to an armbar.

Back up and Benoit grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker (stealing both Eddie’s move and gimmick), followed by a very hard powerbomb. Cue Rhyno to break up the Swan Dive but Benoit avoids the frog splash. A dive takes Rhyno down, only to have Tajiri come in and take Eddie down for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Even with the lame ending, Eddie vs. Benoit in any form is worth seeing. They didn’t have very long here but they managed to get something out of it because they’re that popular. Having the Canadian fans cheer for Eddie shows you what kind of a roll he’s on at the moment and that’s an incredibly positive sign for Guerrero. It’s also a good sign that they were doing the technical stuff here, making the US Title feel more like the wrestlers’ title. Almost no title has an identity and this one having such a thing and doing it well so far hopefully is a sign of things to come.

They keep brawling but Sgt. Slaughter of all people (like Stephanie would lower herself to this) says we’re going to restart this as a tag match. Now I need to see Slaughter doing the Teddy Long dance.

Chris Benoit/Tajiri vs. Rhyno/Eddie Guerrero

Joined in progress with Benoit getting the Crossface on Rhyno and Eddie having to make a save. Eddie comes in legally with a hurricanrana but Tajiri makes a save this time around. A baseball slide dropkick takes Eddie’s knee out and now Tajiri can come in legally. The handspring elbow drops Rhyno as they’re working a very nice pace to start things off.

Tajiri goes after Eddie but gets run over by Rhyno. That just earns him a Tarantula but Eddie is there with a dropkick for his own save. Rhyno actually puts on a Sharpshooter, drawing Benoit in to protect Canada’s honor. He’s fine with Eddie’s half crab though, suggesting that he’s not much of a Lance Storm fan. Rhyno comes in for some forearms as Benoit’s save attempt goes nowhere.

Instead it’s Eddie getting backdropped to the floor and Tajiri makes the tag, albeit thanks to Rhyno knocking him into Benoit. With Benoit on the floor, Rhyno powerbombs Tajiri but gets misted (with the referee looking at them). Eddie didn’t see the tag and frog splashes the illegal Tajiri, only to get caught in the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: B-. It was certainly a creative ending and odds are this sets up a big title match, perhaps with all four fighting at the same time. As mentioned earlier, this is the kind of wrestling that makes the show a lot more interesting and I’d really like to see it happen a lot more often. Benoit and Eddie are the wrestlers so it’s a smart idea to throw in a striker like Tajiri and a power guy like Rhyno to really even things out.

Josh Matthews (looking as stupid as I’ve ever seen him with two necklaces and an earring) asks Kurt Angle about some rumors, but Kurt cuts him off. Kurt has been hearing rumors about Josh, scotch tape, two midgets and a picture of Justin Timberlake that still keeps him up nights. He’s heard the rumors about Brock, who he still considers a friend. A big stupid friend at times, but still a friend. They’re going to resolve their issues face to face though.

Zach Gowen vs. Nunzio

Matt Hardy, who puts ketchup on one fry at a time and is a better commentator than Michael Cole, is on commentary and brought Shannon Moore with him. Gowen takes him down to the mat to start but is easily powered into the corner. Nunzio grabs the leg and mocks his inability to sweep the other leg as Matt complains about having to share the stage with a sideshow freak. As cruel as he sounds, there’s really nothing wrong about what he says.

A quick leglock is broken up and Nunzio sends him outside. Gowen gets turned inside out with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. Matt: “Everybody knows that Matt Hardy’s career has more legs underneath it than Zach Gowen’s.”. Back up and Nunzio crotches himself and a middle rope moonsault hits him in the ropes. A leg lariat and a middle rope Fameasser both get the same. Gowen grabs a neckbreaker but has to elbow Shannon down, allowing Nunzio to hit a top rope dropkick for the pin.

Rating: C-. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale and that’s the problem: you have to adjust everything for Gowen and the matches are only going to be so good. He has to have a select group of opponents and his offense is almost all based around that one leg. It’s nothing special in the first place and when your entire character is based around your one trait, it’s not like you have much of a shelf life. Gowen is incredible impressive, but this isn’t going to work for very long.

Post match, Gowen takes another Twist of Fate.

Undertaker finds Sable sitting on Vince’s laugh and asks her to leave. He’s not happy with Vince sending A-Train after Stephanie so the little “oil hoochie” could get a win at Vengeance. If Undertaker was part of the family, he’d have already beaten the heck out of Vince. The boss is about to tell Undertaker what he can do with that opinion when Funaki comes running in to say Brock has been attacked. Angle and the FBI are near him and Vince gives Kurt a look without saying anything. You can feel the twist coming from here and it’s still working just fine.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Undertaker beat him at Vengeance in a match that hurt a lot of Cena’s credibility. Cena’s rap implies he wants to force sexual acts onto Undertaker. The big man wastes no time in sending him into the corner and the slow beating begins. He starts in on Cena’s shoulder as the fans think Cena sucks. A hard clothesline looks to set up Old School but Cena pulls him down, somehow knowing what to expect.

Cena starts in on the knee, only to get his arm pulled down again. A lifting wristlock keeps Undertaker in trouble as they must have a long time here. Now Old School connects and the slow paced beating heads outside. Totally one sided so far. Back in and Undertaker actually takes him all the way to the top for a superplex but Undertaker bangs up his own ribs.

Back from a break with Cena in control and pounding on the ribs. They had something here with Cena having such a basic offense but sticking with it because it was the most logical thing he had. Undertaker shrugs it off and posts Cena on the floor because he’s had enough of being on defense for now. In a good example of everything wrong with commentary, Cole keeps mentioning the bad ribs and Tazz yells at him for saying it over and over. Heaven forbid he tell a story or something.

The Throwback gives Cena two but a big boot and elbow give Undertaker the same. Cena’s spinebuster goes back to the ribs but Undertaker mounts him for some rights and lefts. The Last Ride is broken up and the ref is bumped. Now didn’t we all know something like that was coming? The chokeslam gets no cover and it’s A-Train coming in for a bicycle kick and a backbreaker. That’s only good for two on Undertaker so he tries the Tombstone, only to get reversed into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. They really didn’t need this much time, especially with the arm work going nowhere. Undertaker vs. A-Train isn’t going to be much to see and this seemed to be more about setting that up than helping Cena. That being said, it helped a lot to have Cena get the win off his own move instead of A-Train’s. Cena needed a win like this and you knew full well they weren’t giving Cena a clean pin, either here or at the pay per view. The match wasn’t very good because of the slow pace and the ending didn’t really help things.

Jamie Noble vs. Doug Basham

Shaniqua gives Doug a spank for inspiration and the announcers laugh the whole thing off. Jamie, apparently a face for getting to sleep with Torrie and Nidia (ok they’ve got something there), kicks Doug away but gets caught with some crossface shots to the head. A Vader Bomb elbow gives Doug two as Tazz goes on and on about what Shaniqua does with the Bashams.

The move that would become known as Wasteland gives Doug two and we hit the chinlock. Jamie fights up with a clothesline and dropkick for a near fall each. A top rope elbow looks to finish but Danny distracts the referee. Not that it matters as Jamie gets a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. Commentary made this one insufferable and I don’t see it getting much better. I’m sure there was nothing better for WWE to do than spend years on the Bashams in OVW before bringing them up as unintentionally comedic sex characters. On top of that they’re apparently feuding with a team that got together over group sex. Oh and the boss is having an affair with his mistress. You really shouldn’t need so much of the same theme on one show.

Post match the beatdown is on until Billy Gunn makes the save.

Angle denies attacking Lesnar. I’d believe him.

Next week, Haas and Benjamin defend against Mysterio and Kidman. That would be another week where the Cruiserweight Title isn’t so much as mentioned.

Rey Mysterio vs. Charlie Haas

Non-title of course. Haas takes him down without much effort to start and takes Rey’s head off with a hard clothesline. A hard whip into the corner starts working on Rey’s back and it’s off to something like a torture rack with Tazz referencing the luchador Atlantis of all people. Back up and Charlie misses a charge, allowing Rey to hit a springboard flipping seated senton for two, followed by a springboard spinning crossbody (with Haas having to run over to catch him). The 619 connects but a hurricanrana is countered into the Haas of Pain for the tap.

Rating: C. Charlie got to show off here and a clean win over Mysterio is quite the accomplishment. It’s a very good sign that both he and Benjamin can have solid singles matches and more proof of how great an amateur background is. Even if nothing else is working, just taking them down to the mat is a good way to get through parts of a match. Mysterio as a tag guy is fine, but get the title off of him already. The problem though is finding someone to put it on as the division basically doesn’t exist. On a related note, what the heck happened to Ultimo Dragon? He was around all of two weeks and then vanished.

The cage is lowered.

We recap Brock’s injury.

Angle leaves Vince’s office.

Brock Lesnar vs. Vince McMahon

In a cage with Angle as guest referee. Brock looks banged up but is easily able to shove Vince down twice in a row. The F5 is loaded up but Brock collapses. Angle won’t count the cover so Vince slaps him, earning himself an ankle lock. Brock of course nips up and F5’s Angle for the pretty obvious (not a bad thing) heel turn. No rating as the match doesn’t really end and wasn’t exactly a match in the first place.

A long, long beatdown ends the show. This is definitely the right move as Brock wasn’t working as the good guy and Lesnar vs. Angle II with Lesnar as the heel could be a lot more interesting. One last note: Brock and Vince pose with the camera panning from Vince’s face to Brock’s, who looks completely maniacal with his eyes bugging out for a really creepy visual.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some very solid wrestling on here (see the first half hour) and Brock turning heel is a good move as Brock just wasn’t working in the role. Him working as Vince’s heavy is a far better use for his talents and gives him some new people to work against. At the same time though, anything below the midcard is basically death at the moment with stuff like Noble and Gunn being goofy wastes of time and Gowen still riding on momentum even though the foot was taken off the gas a long time ago. Get some better stuff on the bottom part of the card and Smackdown could be awesome all over again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – July 31, 2003: Brock Done Screwed Up

Smackdown
Date: July 31, 2003
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the very good Vengeance and that means it’s time to gear up for Summerslam. The big story is Kurt Angle regaining the Smackdown World Title when he pinned Brock Lesnar. Other than that we have the continuing saga of the McMahons, which hopefully is kept on a leash again this week. We need to get ready for Summerslam though so let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package of Sunday’s main event.

Opening sequence.

We look at Eddie Guerrero splitting with Tajiri, who gets a US Title shot tonight.

Here’s Angle to open things up. After taking in some cheers, Angle talks about what it means to become WWE Champion for the fourth time. But really, was there any doubt? Kurt: “I’m Kurt freaking Angle! What did you expect???”. This title means more to him than any other because of the injury but here he is! Tonight is a dream come true but here’s Brock Lesnar with something to say.

Brock admits that Angle beat him but brings up Lesnar being there with him throughout his entire rehab. That’s why Brock is out here to challenge Angle face to face and man to man for his one on one title rematch. Angle says there’s a lot to consider and a lot of people deserve a shot. Angle: “So Brock, I just don’t think that ok you’re on.”. Well that was an abrupt shift.

This brings out Vince McMahon though and he has some bad news for Brock. Earlier today, Angle came to his office and begged him not to give Lesnar a rematch. Vince likes that line of thinking so Lesnar gets no shot. If Brock wants it, he can earn it down the line but tonight, Lesnar and Angle are facing a team of Vince’s choosing. Somehow, this took fifteen minutes.

Summerslam ad featuring Brock Lesnar F5ing a shark. That always gives me a chuckle.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio

Non-title again because Rey never defends the stupid thing. Rey takes him down to start without much trouble but an early 619 attempt doesn’t work. Shelton sends Rey shoulder first into the post (underneath the bottom rope for a change) and Charlie Haas gets in a few shots to the bad arm. A shoulder breaker and a regular slam get two before it’s off to a hammerlock.

Rey sends him shoulder first into the post as well though and things are a bit more even. Shelton’s pop up….something is countered into a seated senton for a sweet reversal but Shelton takes him down by the arm again. Benjamin grabs a rather unique looking hold as it’s kind of like a crossface chickenwing but with his legs instead of his arm to wrap up Rey’s arm. Kidman and Haas get in a fight on the floor as the 619 connects. The West Coast Pop is broken up but Rey settles for a victory roll and the pin.

Rating: C+. Like this wasn’t going to be good. I could go for Rey actually defending the Cruiserweight Title but if we keep getting solid outings like this, I can live with it a little bit more. Benjamin wrestling on the mat with more holds and submissions is a good idea for him, as long as he keeps up the athletic stuff as well.

We look back at Jamie Noble defeating Billy Gunn on Sunday, earning him a night with Torrie Wilson.

Jamie is at the hotel, in a cowboy hat and white boxers, getting everything ready. Torrie shows up (my goodness she spends a lot of time winding up in hotel rooms) so Jamie opens the briefcase of toys. This includes leopard print handcuffs, a paddle, something to tickle with, and a Lone Ranger mask. Torrie runs to the bathroom before she’s sick. I guess she’s a Zorro fan.

Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Hang on a second though as Rhyno pops up on screen to say he’s tired of being treated like a joke. He has a warm up match for Benoit and this man knows something about jokes.

Chris Benoit vs. Doink the Clown

It’s Nick (Eugene) Dinsmore, who was basically a Benoit clone in OVW, down to using German suplexes and a Crossface for his finishers. Benoit gets tired of waiting on Doink to pull out the rubber chicken and runs him over. A hard clothesline (Benoit: “RHYNO!!!”) takes Doink’s head off (but the wig stays on) and a top rope belly to back superplex knocks Doink silly. The Swan Dive into the Crossface is good for the Benoit win.

Benoit takes his time letting go of the hold. Post match Benoit says he’s ready for Rhyno, who says Benoit doesn’t get what he wants.

Jamie is laying on the bed (with leopard print sheets of course) when Torrie comes out, still in her street clothes (I’m not sure what street someone would be on dressed like that). Nidia comes to the door though and says she’s here to win Noble back with some, ahem, female prowess. She drops her fur coat to reveal some lingerie and dives on Jamie as Torrie can’t help but watch.

Brock asks Angle if he talked to Vince earlier. As I try to figure out why Brock waited the better part of an hour to ask this, Angle says he did talk to Vince and says Vince should keep the major risk in mind. The rematch is still on but Angle has an idea for how Lesnar can get his rematch. It doesn’t make much more sense when Angle says it either.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Tajiri

Eddie is defending and there’s almost no way to hide the fact that he’s the most popular act on the show. The hydraulics in the car don’t work though….because Tajiri was hiding in the trunk and mists Eddie in the aisle. The brawl is on in a hurry but the trainer comes out to check on Eddie’s eyes, drawing an EDDIE chant. Eddie: “I CAN’T SEE!!!” Trainer, holding up three fingers: “How many fingers am I holding up?” Eddie, to the referee: “WILL YOU TELL HIM I CAN’T SEE THE THREE FINGERS HE’S HOLDING UP???”. That’s enough for the referee, who says Eddie either wrestles or loses the title.

We’re joined in progress after a break with Tajiri kicking away and kicking Eddie into the Tree of Woe. More kicks stagger Eddie until he pulls Tajiri face first into the buckle. Eddie gets into a rhythm and sends Tajiri outside for some shots to the back while trying not to make the fans cheer him even more. The slingshot hilo gives Eddie two and we’re off to a chinlock.

Eddie takes too much time going up and gets kicked in the leg, setting up a heck of a top rope superplex. Tajiri is so banged up that Eddie is on his feet first, only to get monkey flipped out to the floor. A hard whip sends Eddie into the steps and Tajiri kicks him in the head for painful measure. Back in and Tajiri scores with the handspring elbow, followed by a tornado DDT for a very delayed two.

We hit the Three Amigos but Tajiri slips out of the third and grabs the Tarantula. With the hold broken, Eddie grabs the referee so he can kick Tajiri low. The referee yells a lot and accidentally gets misted for his efforts. A belt shot to the head drops Tajiri and Eddie pours water in the referee’s eyes. The frog splash retains Eddie’s title.

Rating: B. You kind of knew these two were going to have a good match with each other and I’m glad to see Tajiri getting some exposure like this. The ending might have been a bit messier than it needed to be but it’s a very entertaining way to give Eddie his first title defense. I’m hoping Tajiri gets to do something else because he’s had a very successful summer.

We get a Confidential video on Zach Gowen. He loved wrestling, then he got cancer and lost his leg, then he kept fighting, then he got into wrestling anyway. It’s an amazing story but I think we’ve gotten the idea by now. This eats up over five minutes.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

I do miss Out Of My Way as Gowen’s theme song. Moore has Matt, whose favorite season is summer and who is twice the wrestler Zach Gowen is, in his corner. Shannon takes him down and hops around on one foot, earning himself a dropkick to the floor. Back in and Gowen’s tornado DDT is countered into a suplex into the corner for a big crash. Matt offers a trip to cut off a comeback but Gowen hits a leg lariat anyway. A moonsault press gives Gowen two and he dropkicks Matt down, only to get rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C. Gowen is better than you would guess and could be more than just a novelty performer but he’s only going to get so far with having one thing to talk about all the time. The match wasn’t bad either but I’m not sure how many people Gowen can realistically fight as he’s very small, ignoring the leg point. Enjoy it while it lasts though.

John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

Before the match, Cena challenges Undertaker to a rematch next week and suggests various sexual contact between Undertaker and Jordan. Orlando punches him before the bell and gets dropped ribs first over the top. Some shots to the ribs slow Cena down but he grabs the ropes to avoid being rolled up. Cena shrugs off some right hands and hits the FU for the easy pin.

A rather disheveled but still clothed Torrie seems to have been drinking all night. Jamie and Nidia come out of the shower and are willing to allow Torrie to join them. Torrie downs another glass of champagne but there’s a knock at the door. It’s a rather angry Billy Gunn, who hugs Torrie….as the other two are at it again.

Brock comes in to see Vince and says he can beat the boss to earn a rematch with Angle. Vince will take the rematch under consideration but the match is on. Brock leaves and Vince makes a phone call.

Back at the hotel….all four of them are in bed together. That would be the third woman Torrie has had at least some form of a relationship with in less than a year.

Here’s Sable to brag about winning and call Stephanie a pussycat. She’s the dominant female and we see a clip of Sunday’s match, which Sable won thanks to A-Train. Sable: “Thanks Vince.” She introduces Vince’s team for tonight and we’re ready to go.

A-Train/Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar/Kurt Angle

Brock doesn’t have any wrist tape and it’s a weird look for him. A-Train shoves Angle down to start as the SHAVE YOUR BACK chants start up. A shoulder runs Angle over but he misses a charge in the corner and gets his ankle locked. Lesnar comes in for a double shoulder, followed by more shoulders to A-Train in the corner. A-Train charges into a powerslam (he needs to stop the charging) and it’s back to Angle, who gets caught in a backbreaker.

Show finally does something by decking Angle from the apron, allowing A-Train to get in a bicycle kick. Now it’s Show coming in and running Angle over before chopping him hard in the corner. Angle’s right hands have little effect as Show cuts him off with a side slam. A Warrior Splash gives A-Train two but Angle catches him with a suplex, allowing the hot tag to Brock. Some rapid fire belly to belly suplexes cut A-Train off and there’s the F5 to Show. Angle tags himself in though and steals the pin like a jerk.

Rating: D. Just a main event tag match with little drama here as it might as well have been the Mega Powers vs. the Twin Towers. We’ve seen Angle and Lesnar beat these two in every possible combination so far so I’m not sure how much doubt there was on something like this. At least the ending helped advance things a bit.

Brock gives Angle an F5 and here’s Vince to say the match next week will be in a cage. Oh and Angle can be guest referee. Brock’s “I done screwed up” look ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a bit up and down as the US Title stuff was rather solid and the Mysterio vs. Benjamin match was entertaining. However, you then have the main event (which was more uneventful than bad), the hotel stuff (which did feature Torrie in some rather fetching attire) and the WAY too long Gowen section. The lack of Vince vs. Stephanie drama helped so much though and it was much more of a good show with some weak spots.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Vengeance 2003 (2017 Redo): The Show Smackdown Needed

Vengeance 2003
Date: July 27, 2003
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the first ever Smackdown exclusive pay per view and for once I’m actually looking forward to it. They’ve done a much better job than usual of setting things up and there are multiple matches that could do quite well. The main event is Big Show vs. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar for Brock’s Smackdown World Title, but there’s also some major focus on Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen for reasons of testing my patience. Let’s get to it.

We open with people talking about working their whole lives to get here. Big names too, like Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, and Stephanie McMahon. Vince then narrates a video, ranting about how this is his company and no one is going to get the better of him. I’d rather hear more about how hard Stephanie had it as a kid and how much she had to fight through to get here.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Tournament final to crown the inaugural champion. The referee actually brings them to the middle and explains the rules, which is about as rare of a sight today as Stephanie not running her mouth. Benoit’s eyes seem to be fine after the whole attempt at blinding him a few days ago. Eddie hides in the corner to start until Benoit hits a heck of a shoulder, sending Eddie bailing to the floor.

Back in and Benoit starts in on the arm before winning a test of strength. Eddie slips out and spins around Benoit into a legsweep so smooth that I could barely tell what he did. A pinfall reversal sequence gets some near falls on Benoit, sending him outside for a bit of swearing. Back in and Eddie headlocks him down but gets caught in a shoulder breaker. Benoit still can’t get the Crossface as Eddie gets to the ropes just in time.

Eddie bails to the floor but Benoit is right there with a dive to put both guys down. Back in and Eddie gets caught in a half nelson of all things (leave it to Benoit to make something like that look painful) before going with a hard chop instead. Eddie is right back up with a hurricanrana out of the corner to take over again. The announcers talk about some technical difficulty but it’s been cleaned up on the Network version.

We hit an armbar on Benoit before Eddie pokes him in the eye, which Cole calls a slap. Benoit’s eyes are fine enough to take Eddie up top for a belly to back superplex. The rolling German suplexes set up the Crossface but Eddie gets a boot onto the ropes. Eddie is right back up with Three Amigos, followed by a top rope superplex to put both guys down again. The frog splash only kind of misses as Eddie’s arm hits Benoit as he rolls away, meaning both guys are down again.

Eddie throws the belt onto Benoit and lays down. Now, this might be a fine idea in theory but considering an errant forearm put the referee down for about two minutes, we could be waiting until the Rumble for him to get up again. Benoit pops up and grabs the Crossface to make Eddie tap but of course there’s no one to see it. A German suplex drops Eddie and Benoit tries the Swan Dive, only to have Eddie pull the referee in the way. Cue Rhyno to Gore Benoit in the big screwjob, allowing Eddie to hit the frog splash for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. They were on the way to a masterpiece here when they messed it up with all of the overbooking. You could have completely eliminated at least one of the belt/ref bump things and gotten to Rhyno sooner and the match would have felt tighter. On the more positive side though, this match ran over twenty two minutes and felt like it was about half of that. It never dragged once and that’s one of the hardest things to accomplish in wrestling. Great match and a forgotten classic of an opener.

Stephanie (in a t-shirt for a very rare visual) comes in to see Vince, who is smelling flowers. Bickering ensues and Stephanie DOES NOT want to talk about Linda. Vince is going to Raw to confront Kane. It turns out the flowers are for Stephanie, who calls them nice in a rather aggressive way. Actually the roses are for Sable, but the small bouquet of dried out daises are for Stephanie.

We recap Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble, which REALLY doesn’t warrant a recap video. If nothing else, they should be showing more shots of Torrie rather than Jamie. Basically Noble wants to sleep with Torrie and has offered her thousands of dollars. Torrie finally agreed to sleep with him if he can beat Billy tonight.

Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie brings a briefcase of everything he’ll need for a great night with Torrie. Billy kicks it into his face before opening it up to reveal….I’m going to leave that to your imaginations actually. Billy takes him inside for a wheelbarrow faceplant but misses a splash in the corner. Jamie tries a dive to the floor but gets caught, only to have Billy’s knee give out. Cue Nidia as Jamie cranks on the bad knee.

Billy jumps over a kick to the leg and hits a heck of a cobra clutch slam (take that Jinder) to put both guys down. The Fameasser misses so Billy settles for a cutter for two. Jamie gets in a super DDT but Nidia puts Billy’s foot on the ropes. Torrie comes over for some reason and gets kissed, causing Noble to get slapped back and forth. Back up and Billy gets rammed into Torrie, setting up a rollup with Jamie’s hands on the tights (I saw no pulling) for the pin.

Rating: D. They kept it short and while that made it feel like a TV match, this was much more about getting in and out and moving on. Gunn continues to feel way out of place on these shows while Jamie is doing what he can with a pretty stupid character. You can tell this story is going to continue and while it’s not thrilling, it’s better than letting Billy do anything more important.

The APA isn’t happy with Brooklyn Brawler beating them down on Thursday but invite Funaki anyway. Funaki: “What should I wear?” Bradshaw: “Come as a Japanese reporter who wrestlers part time.” The Easter Bunny walks up (I believe bunnies are supposed to HOP!) and Bradshaw thinks this is going to be fun.

APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl

Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brooklyn Brawler, Chuck Palumbo, Brother Love, Chris Kanyon, Conquistador Dos, Conquistador Uno, Danny Basham, Doink the Clown, Doug Basham, Easter Bunny, Funaki, John Hennigan, Johnny Stamboli, Shannon Moore, Nunzio, Matt Cappatelli, Matt Hardy, Orlando Jordan, Sean O’Haire, Spanky

The Conquistadors are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter (of the Spirit Squad), Doink is Nick Dinsmore and the Easter Bunny is Aaron Stevens (Damien Sandow). There’s a big bar set up, complete with bottles, some tables, a big saloon sign and a lamp. Everyone is handed a beer as they come in, including Hardy, who hates barfights. The last man drinking wins here because Bradshaw wants to test their livers.

Before we get going though, Love wants a benediction. After he’s done insulting the APA and asking forgiveness, he breaks a stool over the Conquistadors’ backs. Welcome to the main roster guys. Most people are standing around drinking but some are beating the heck out of the Bunny. The Brawler throws Doink through a window as Funaki sits at the bar. O’Haire grabs some pool cues and breaks them over the APA’s heads.

Moore dives off the stage to take O’Haire out but Love breaks a mirror over his head. The Bunny goes through another window and Matt drives a Basham and Kanyon through a table (on the second try). Bradshaw bottles Love in the head and that’s finally it, despite Faarooq standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling in any way and was little more than a joke that got old in a hurry. They did at least keep it short, but was there a point to this other than filling time? You have these people who have been getting pushed in recent months (Hardy and O’Haire at least) and they’re stuck in this mess designed to keep the APA over? Come on already.

Noble is enjoying a very worn copy of Torrie’s Playboy (with the camera catching a rather clear shot of one of the pictures, which isn’t censored whatsoever on the Network) and brags to a backstage worker. The guy asks about Nidia and is told to mind his own business.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are defending. Shelton takes Rey down to start before they seem to botch a headscissors. The second attempt works a bit better and it’s off to Kidman, who takes a hard knee to the ribs. Something like a Bubba Bomb gets two on Rey and a powerslam gets the same.

We’re already in the chinlock, which hopefully isn’t a sign of this match being short. Shelton’s powerbomb is reversed and the hot tag brings in Kidman. A BK Bomb gives Kidman two and Rey is fast enough to break up the dive onto Kidman’s back. The 619 is broken up as well so Rey settles for a springboard seated senton to the floor to drop Benjamin.

Kidman one ups him with a shooting star to the floor as things have picked WAY up in a hurry. Thankfully the fans seem to appreciate it as well, which is a great sign after the previous match/segment seemed to kill them off a good bit. Shelton posts Kidman though and the champs take over again. Kidman slips out of a surfboard and sends Charlie outside but you know they’re not doing the second hot tag that easily. The tag connects but Shelton had the referee, drawing some very nice heat from the crowd.

A second attempt works a bit better and it’s Rey coming in with an enziguri to Shelton. The 619 into the springboard seated senton looks to finish but the referee is with Kidman, allowing Shelton to make the save. Kidman launches Rey up for a super hurricanrana and a VERY near fall on Haas. Rey’s shocked face and the big reaction from the crowd push things even further as the fans don’t buy that it was only two. Rey loads up a victory roll on Haas but Benjamin makes a blind tag and springboards into a clothesline as Haas powerbombs him down to retain.

Rating: B+. I know the Cruiserweight Title is taking a hit by having the champ do this other stuff but sweet goodness this was a fun match. They seemed to just tell the wrestlers to go nuts for fifteen minutes and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially when you have four people who are capable of something like this. Really fun match here with the champs being more than capable of having with the fast paced challengers.

We recap Stephanie ripping Sable’s top off, including all the screeching.

Sable vs. Stephanie McMahon

No countout here for some reason. Stephanie’s top is rather low cut because that’s at least half the point of this match. Cole has the nerve to say this should be good because they’re both former Women’s Champions. I’m so glad we’re done with that era and have moved on to something a little more respectable.

The catfight is on with the chase going through the crowd, mainly focusing on shots of Sable’s shorts. Back in with Sable talking trash and slowly stomping in the corner. We hit the Grind over Stephanie, who grabs a rollup for a fast two. Sable gets in a good slap but Cole says we haven’t seen Stephanie’s yet. Stephanie gets in an elbow in the corner, followed by punches that make Shane McMahon’s look great.

They head outside again with the referee having to take a chair away from Stephanie. Back in and Stephanie hits the slap before mounting Sable for the horrible slaps. Sable’s face is rubbed into the mat and a Hennig necksnap takes her down again. Back up and Sable’s top is ripped apart so the referee gives her his shirt. Cue the A-Train to run Stephanie down, giving Sable the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s on a very sliding scale and they certainly tried. They were running around as fast as they could and didn’t bother trying to have anything resembling a match. That’s the right call here and given that it was relatively short, this was much more inoffensive than I was expecting. It’s certainly not good or anything but given what kind of a disaster this had the potential to be, I’ll take what I can get. I’m not sure what the point of no countout was though as it’s not like they’re going to get counted while running in the crowd (which wasn’t long in the first place).

Stephanie has to get helped out and for some reason gets an ovation.

We recap John Cena vs. Undertaker. Cena is on a roll (despite not really winning any major matches) and wanted a big match for his one year anniversary. He went on to beat up Orlando Jordan, who got the big sign of respect from Undertaker after the match. Cena started calling himself the real legend of WWE and you just don’t do that. Undertaker wasn’t happy and here we are.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

My goodness what that could have meant under different circumstances. Cena’s pre-match rap basically says Undertaker is old and Cena is awesome. The motorcycle seems to stall as Undertaker keeps fiddling with the key and the camera switches to Cena standing in the ring for a good while. Undertaker eventually walks down to the ring with the bike still on the stage, which is certainly better than the Hulk Hogan fiasco last year.

Undertaker drives him into the corner to start and Cena actually slaps him in the face. That earns him one heck of a toss and the beating is on early. They head outside with Cena getting tossed into the barricade but grabbing a drink of water to spit in Undertaker’s face. Amazingly enough that has no effect and Cena gets posted again. All Undertaker in the early going and the apron legdrop makes things even worse.

Back in and Undertaker drives some knees into the ribs as Cole says Undertaker has been doing this for eleven years. I mean, it’s closer to thirteen but Cole it’s better than the Women’s Title line from earlier. Old School and a chokeslam get two as Undertaker pulls Cena up. Cena escapes the Last Ride though and grabs a DDT for a much needed breather. With Undertaker down, Cena pulls off a turnbuckle pad, making me wonder why the referee isn’t watching Cena at the moment.

Back up and Undertaker elbows him in the face but charges into the exposed buckle. Cena knocks him off the apron and into the barricade for a thud and Undertaker is spitting up blood. They head back inside with Undertaker missing a jumping boot of all things but settling for two off a neckbreaker. Cena knees him in the back to cut Undertaker off again but Undertaker slips out of the FU.

A big boot and legdrop give Undertaker two and he switches to a choke on the mat in the corner. That seems like some major spot calling or just an awkward spot for some reason. Cena uses the distraction to hit him in the ribs with the chain, setting up the FU for two. There is really no logical reason for that not being the pin. Like really, none at all and it hurts the FU when it’s just becoming a big time finisher. Cena does the always stupid right hands in the corner and it’s the Last Ride for the pin.

Rating: B. They were getting somewhere but my goodness Undertaker shouldn’t have gone over. This should have been Cena’s chance to be launched into the main event but instead it’s just Undertaker pinning him after a ton of offense. If Cena can’t beat him while cheating and hitting his finisher, why would I want to see him fight again? Completely wrong ending to an otherwise good match.

We recap Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen, which seems to be a David vs. Goliath story but I’m still not sure what Vince gets out of this. It’s something about Vince wanting to screw Stephanie over but the story of Stephanie wanting to protect Gowen from Vince for the sake of Stephanie’s childhood innocent didn’t make sense. Anyway, Stephanie and Gowen one upped Vince and earned Zach a contract so Vince is giving him his first singles match because he wants real athletes and not half men in his company.

Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen

Vince casually backs him into the corner to start before wrestling him down and rolling around Gowen’s back. Some shots in the corner have Gowen in more trouble until he backdrops Vince over the top. An Asai moonsault and a middle rope Fameasser gives Gowen two, despite neither having much impact whatsoever.

Vince starts in on the good leg and Cole is RIGHT THERE to explain how much of a problem this could be for Zach. Never let it be said that WWE left you alone to figure something out on your own. The leg is wrapped around the post as Cole tries to explain the story behind the whole thing. We hit the half crab (not a leg hold but nice try) until Gowen makes the rope and scores with a dropkick.

Now it’s Vince’s getting crotched against the post and having his leg wrapped around the post. Cole: “Now the playing field is even!”. Not quite nimrod, but we’ll move on. Gowen hits a top rope bulldog and a middle rope dropkick. The moonsault gets two and now we’re just waiting on Gowen losing. Vince grabs a chair but gets it dropkicked into his face to draw a heck of a cut. Gowen misses the second moonsault though and Vince gets the easy pin.

Rating: D. They were trying as hard as they could here but there’s really not much you can do with this concept. Gowen has one leg and does a lot of impressive things for someone in his condition. I’ve seen it for a few weeks now and this time I saw him do it in long form against Vince. Then he doesn’t even win the thing? This is pretty much it for Gowen meaning anything and I have no idea what we’re supposed to care about him doing going forward as you can only watch this so many times. Yeah it’s an inspirational story, but it’s an inspirational story once, not four or five times now.

Gowen gets the big standing ovation and it’s lackluster at best. Tazz: “How many people get to say they’ve busted Vince McMahon wide open?” Uh, a fairly good amount actually?

Eddie says a victory is a victory and what happened to Benoit is his own fault.

We recap the World Title match. Brock Lesnar beat Kurt Angle to win the title at Wrestlemania in Angle’s last match for several months. Lesnar then feuded with Big Show for months but Angle is back and now Brock’s best friend. A three way feud ensued and it’s time for a triple threat. This gets the music video treatment.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Brock is defending, there are no disqualifications and it’s one fall to a finish. Show has to clothesline the new best friends down and it’s a chokeslam for an early two on Lesnar. Angle can’t German suplex the giant but he can pick the ankle for the ankle lock. That’s kicked away though and a superkick drops Angle again. Lesnar dives in for a save before hitting a middle rope back elbow to Show’s jaw.

It’s Kurt bringing in the first weapons with some garbage can lids and a series of shots finally put Show down. He’s right back up with a double suplex though, only to have Angle and Lesnar chokeslam him down. Tazz: “So Big Show suplexes the guys who suplex and they chokeslam the guy who chokeslams???”. Score one for the Red Hook school system.

Angle gets knocked outside and the F5 on Show gets a delayed two with Angle pulling the referee to the floor. A shot to Angle’s head busts him open, leaving Show to load Brock up for a superplex. That’s countered into a good looking running powerbomb but Angle makes another save with a chair. Angle chairs both of them out to the floor but gets it kicked back into his face.

While a bleeding Lesnar is stuck on the other side of the ring, an Angle Slam puts Show through the announcers’ table. That leaves Angle and Lesnar in the ring for the big showdown with Lesnar throwing him over the top in a hurry. Brock gets whipped into the steps though and Angle is cut on the back of his head. Back in and Angle tosses Brock with a release German suplex, sending Brock onto his stomach for a great looking flip.

The Angle Slam is countered into a spinebuster for two but Angle slaps on a choke. Show comes back in for the save and covers both guys at once for two. A double chokeslam gets another pair of near falls but Lesnar kicks the monster low. Kurt grabs the ankle again, only to let go of Brock and Angle Slam Show. Another Angle Slam to Lesnar is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This was a very well booked match as it felt like it took the two superheroes to deal with Big Show, leaving them to fight it out later. That’s exactly how you want something like this to go and they made it work quite well. Angle winning sets up another big match with Brock down the line and you can throw Show in there if you absolutely have to. Really strong match here and again, I get why Show was in there for a change as you don’t want to waste Angle vs. Lesnar II on Vengeance.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a heck of a show and if they had cut out some of the weaker stuff (like about eight minutes of Vince vs. Zach and the whole Billy vs. Jamie match), it could be an all time classic. The big stuff is very good, but the bad stuff (including some of the choices, mainly Undertaker winning) really holds it back. That being said, this show made Smackdown feel like what it used to be: the wrestling show, which is exactly the kind of thing it needs to be to feel different from Raw. Excellent show here and something that gives me a lot of confidence in Smackdown going forward.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – June 24, 2003: I’m Trying To Believe

Smackdown
Date: July 24, 2003
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Vengeance and hopefully the improvements continue around here. The big story continues to be the McMahon family drama but the World Title scene is starting to heat up. There are a few other good things going on around here and I’m actually looking forward to the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s handicap match with Kurt Angle defeating Big Show and the World’s Greatest Tag Team (albeit with some assistance from Zach Gowen).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Stephanie McMahon to get things going. She’s had a rough week but tonight she’s taking Smackdown back. Tonight’s main event will be Big Show/World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Kurt Angle/Zach Gowen/Brock Lesnar. After some threats to Sable, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena had a dream about Stephanie last night and it had him standing at attention. He makes a bunch of jokes about her chest and gives Stephanie $20 to rip Sable’s top off. Cena: “I got this little fetish with nipples.”

What he’d really like to do is give her a spank though and Stephanie actually lets him, complete with bending over to help him out. Cena does in fact spank her but here’s Sable to interrupt, ending this week’s edition of “Stephanie is a sex symbol and we’re going to know about it”. She shows us a clip from last week’s messy brawl before bringing up Linda being attacked on Monday. Stephanie can worry about Linda though because Sable can take care of Vince. Chase is given and we take a break.

Back with Stephanie screeching about Sable and being told she’s in the parking lot.

Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore

I wonder what Matt, who is considered sacred in Japan and defeated Mysterio and Kidman on consecutive pay per views, thinks of Stephanie’s spankability. Mysterio headlocks Matt to start before stopping a charge in the corner. Kidman adds a slingshot legdrop for two and it’s off to Shannon, who lured Kidman into a cheap shot from Matt.

For some reason the announcers debate whether Kamala was from the Himalayas until Matt gets two off a neckbreaker. The double teaming continues with Matt adding another forearm from the apron. We hit the double arm crank with Hardy’s boot in Kidman’s back. That’s broken up without much effort and the hot tag brings Mysterio back in. Things speed up in a hurry with Rey hitting the sitout bulldog.

Matt breaks up the 619, allowing Shannon to kick Rey in the chest to take him down. A sitout powerbomb plants Rey again to give Shannon two but Kidman is back in with a high crossbody. Matt breaks that up with a top rope legdrop but Rey hurricanranas him out to the floor. The 619 takes Shannon down and it’s the shooting star for the pin.

Rating: B. This took its time to get going but the last few minutes were excellent fast paced stuff. Mysterio and Kidman should be awesome as challengers to Haas and Benjamin on Sunday and if it’s given enough time, we could be in for a show stealer. I don’t think the titles are changing hands but at least it’s going to be fun while it lasts. That being said, the fact that I completely forgot Mysterio was Cruiserweight Champion until later in the show is a bad sign. Just don’t put the title on him if this is what you’re using him for.

Stephanie chases Sable, who was just standing there while Stephanie came running up. Of course Stephanie WON’T STOP SCREECHING, even as she rips Sable’s top off. Sable gets in the limo but Vince pops up to stop Stephanie from breaking the window. Vince won’t answer why he’s not at home taking care of Linda. They really aren’t hiding what they’re doing with Sable and Stephanie and it’s not working. Stephanie as the vicious fighter is rather laughable and they’re all but advertising that someone is losing clothes on Sunday. The screeching is ruining almost any positives about the whole thing though and that’s a problem.

Jamie Noble vs. Billy Gunn

Well at least it’s not at the pay per view. Nidia isn’t here tonight but it has NOTHING to do with Jamie offering Torrie money for sleeping with him. Billy charges in and hammers away before hitting his hiptoss into a neckbreaker (cool move). They head outside with Jamie sending him into the barricade. A Torrie distraction lets Billy grab a slam into a swinging Rock Bottom for the very fast pin. Now let this stupid thing be over.

Post match Jamie says he’s better than Billy in every way, including in bed. Torrie grabs the mic and says they can have a rematch at Vengeance and if Jamie beats him, she’ll sleep with Jamie. Right here on Smackdown next week.

Video on the Asia tour.

We see Torrie’s proposal again.

The A-Train comes in to see the APA, who invite him to the Bar Room Brawl. Brother Love, the Conquistadors, Tough Enough guys and the EASTER BUNNY will be there. A-Train: “Where I come from, we HATE the Easter Bunny.” A-Train doesn’t want Bradshaw’s new book and leaves. Cue the Brooklyn Brawler, who wants in so he can beat Doink up for whatever reason. Brawler has to prove himself tonight.

Cena is standing in a flaming pentagram and cuts a rather religious promo about how evil he’ll be on Sunday. This show is all over the place tonight.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero for a chat. Before getting in the ring, Eddie polishes the low rider’s chrome for a bit (drawing the face pop of the night). In spite of the rest of this show, that’s not a euphemism for anything else. Eddie talks about being ready to face his best friend Chris Benoit on Sunday so here’s Benoit to interrupt. Benoit laughs off the idea of them being best friends because Eddie hasn’t called him in months. How many best friends does Eddie have?

Eddie laughs off the idea but it’s ok because he was just lying. After seeming to forget his lines, Eddie says he can’t stand Benoit and we go over their history together. Eddie is sick of being the second in command to someone like Benoit. That’s why he’s winning the US Title on Sunday. Benoit is ready to fight right now but Eddie uses the “on my time” excuse. Eddie tries a cheap shot but settles for blinding Benoit with the car polish, drawing a loud EDDIE chant. Rhyno comes out for the save and it’s time for a challenge. Eddie ignores him and plays with the polish bottle in a glorious moment. The match is finally made.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rhyno

Joined in progress with Rhyno pounding on Eddie and cutting off a charge with a raised boot. A powerbomb into Snake Eyes gives Rhyno two and we’re off to an early chinlock. Rhyno slams him down and grabs the same hold. Eddie fights up and grabs a northern lights suplex for two but Rhyno comes back with a Crossface. It’s very odd seeing Rhyno wrestle as the heel here, just a few minutes after Eddie TRIED TO BLIND Benoit.

Eddie sends him outside for a slingshot dive to take over for the first time, much to the crowd’s delight. Back in and Eddie stands on Rhyno’s hair before soaking in the cheers. Rhyno is back up with a shoulder block for two, followed by a spinebuster for a very delayed near fall. Eddie is right back up with a super hurricanrana but has to avoid the Gore. That means a low blow to Rhyno with Eddie being smart enough to claim that he took one instead. The confused referee doesn’t seem to mind and counts the pin on Rhyno (with Eddie’s feet on the ropes just because).

Rating: B. Eddie is a national treasure and the company is smart enough to not even really try to push him as a full on heel. It says a lot when he’s so talented at being a villain that the fans can’t help but cheer him even more. This is some of the best stuff he’s ever done and it’s becoming more and more of a treat to see him every single week.

The APA visited the troops this week and invited Saddam Hussein to the Bar Room Brawl.

APA vs. FBI

Heel miscommunication leads to the Clothesline ending Palumbo in about thirty seconds.

Nunzio gets beaten up as well so here’s the Brawler to chair the APA down. The Bashams, the A-Train and Sean O’Haire come in to join on the beating.

Vince comes in to see Gowen but Lesnar and Angle make the save. You know, because the would-be hero needs to be saved from Vince.

Pay per view run down. This isn’t on the Network version, likely due to a music issue.

Big Show/World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar/Zach Gowen

Angle grabs a front facelock on Shelton before getting shouldered down. That’s enough of this wrestling stuff so Angle tosses Shelton with a suplex. Haas comes in and gets armbarred as well before Brock comes in for some hard shoulders in the corner. Lesnar tosses Gowen onto Haas and Benjamin, again making me wonder why I’m supposed to care about a glorified mascot.

Show tosses Gowen around and it’s back to Angle as everything breaks down. Cue Vince to chair Gowen in the good leg, leaving Angle and Lesnar to suplex/spinebuster Haas and Benjamin. Gowen is taken to the back and we go to a break. Back with Angle hammering on Show until Shelton makes a save. The jump over Haas onto Angle’s back gets two and it’s off to Big Show for a half crab.

Shelton’s superkick gets two but Angle throws Charlie down, allowing the hot tag off to Lesnar. More house is cleaned until Big Show kicks him in the face to slow things right back down. Everything breaks down again and the Angle Slam into the ankle lock has Show in trouble. Lesnar F5’s Charlie but breaks the hold by mistake, leaving Show to grab the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. The match was starting to drag but thank goodness they got rid of Gowen so soon. It seems that they’re already realizing that there’s nothing there and it’s a big waste of time to pretend otherwise. The World Title feud has been well built, but have either Haas/Benjamin or Mysterio/Kidman mentioned that they’re fighting each other on Sunday? I don’t think either seem to realize it.

Lesnar mauls all three villains post match but gets in a fight with Angle. The distraction lets Show hit a double chokeslam to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Vengeance is getting one of the oddest builds I’ve ever seen. The World Title match is perfectly fine, but the rest is this weird combination of stuff that makes me want to gouge my ears off (anything McMahon related) and outstanding stuff (anything Eddie does at the moment). Above all else though, there’s a ton of good stuff to look forward to on Sunday but at the same time, there’s a lot of stuff that feels like an excuse to torture us. The show was good though and I’m more interested in seeing the pay per view than I was, which is all this was supposed to accomplish.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6