Wrestler of the Day – April 23: John Cena

It’s John Cena. Moving on.

 

Again, there are too many matches to do this in a timeline so we’ll just go with a mix and match of whatever great matches come to my mind in no order at all.

We’ll start with the first World Title, from Wrestlemania XXI.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL gets a police escort for his limo as JBL dollars fall from the sky. Surprisingly enough the champ sends Orlando Jordan and the Bashams to the back before the match. This is one of the rare instances where “My Time Is Now” is very appropriate. It’s a feeling out process to start but Cena runs into a boot in the corner. The champion starts pounding away in the corner and there’s the fallaway slam for good measure.

JBL chokes away on the ropes as this is in very slow mode to start. They slug it out for a bit but Cena charges into a spinebuster to put him down again. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion and a big clothesline gets two on Cena. JBL puts on a sleeper but Cena counters into a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we head to the floor for a neckbreaker by the champion.

Back in and JBL puts Cena down with a superplex for a delayed two as the crowd is mostly dead. Layfield goes up but dives into a powerslam for no cover. Cena comes back with his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Cena pumps up his shoes and after ducking the Clothesline, the FU (now called the AA) gives Cena his first of many world titles.

Rating: D. This was a REALLY dull match as JBL was freaking terrible in the ring at this point. He was so slow and lethargic and the match never worked at all. The ending sucked too as JBL didn’t even hit his finisher before taking the FU for the pin. Their rematch at Judgment Day was WAY better as it was a total brawl which suited JBL to perfection.

One of Cena’s biggest rivals is CM Punk, who he faced for the Wrestlemania XXIX title shot on February 25, 2013’s Raw.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

The winner gets the shot at Rock at Wrestlemania. They have a ton of time left too. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans are of course split on Cena as we get some chain wrestling to start. Punk gets in the ropes to break up a headlock before putting on one of his own. A hip toss puts Punk on the floor and we take a break. Back with Punk getting backdropped but popping back up with a clothesline to take control again. A neckbreaker gets two on cena and it’s off to a neck vice.

Cena powers out of it and slams Punk to the mat before hooking a front facelock to slow things down. Off to a headlock instead but Punk shoves him off and hits a leg lariat for two. Off to a CM chinlock now but Cena fights back up. He hits a shoulder block but Punk ducks an attempt at a second. The suicide dive takes out Cena on the floor and we take another break.

Back with Cena escaping an abdominal stretch and hitting the shoulders again. There’s the ProtoBomb but Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice. Cena rolls over into a cover for two but Punk hits a swinging neckbreaker for two more. Sweet sequence there. Cena picks the leg for the STF but Punk makes the rope.

The springboard clothesline gets two more on Cena but Punk loads up a second, only for Cena to step to the side and hook the STF. Punk slips out and puts the Vice on again but Cena counters into a Crossface (called the STF by that lunkhead Cole). Punk rolls backwards into a small package for two and both guys are down again. They slug it out and Cena is getting madder on each punch he throws.

Punk kicks him in the ribs but the high kick misses. There’s the ProtoBomb but Punk kicks him in the head to escape the Shuffle. The GTS is countered into a sunset flip attempt but Punk sits on Cena for two. The bulldog by Punk is countered and there’s the Shuffle. AA is countered as is the GTS but Cena hits a Batista Bomb for two. The place is losing their minds on these kickouts. John goes up top but Punk gets up before Cena can try anything.

Cena blocks whatever Punk is trying and knocks him down, setting up the top rope Fameasser for two. Cena can barely follow up though and the high kick puts in the corner. Punk hits a WICKED running knee in the corner but Cena IMMEDIATELY hits the AA for two. Punk rolls to the floor and Cena has no idea what else he can do here. Cena goes out after him but gets sent HARD into the post. He isn’t moving an inch at nine but is somehow in by ten.

Back in and the GTS gets two and now Punk is ticked off. Another GTS is countered into an STF attempt and even with Punk trying to fight off the hold, Cena locks it in. Punk raises his hand to tap but SOMEHOW gets to the ropes. He kicks Cena in the knee and busts out a piledriver for a VERY close two and we get multiple frustrated covers. Punk goes up top and the Macho Elbow misses, allowing Cena to hit a FREAKING HURRICANRANA and the AA for the pin at 26:32.

Rating: A+. WOW. This doesn’t happen often but I was sitting there watching this match with my jaw hanging open. Those near falls were as good as I have seen this side of Austin vs. Rock at Wrestlemania and I had no idea what they were going to do until the ending. This was a PPV main event for free on Raw and was one of the best TV matches I have ever seen. Absolutely amazing and to people who say “well it wasn’t THAT good”, you’re wrong. Period.

The night after Wrestlemania XXVIII, Brock Lesnar returned to attack Cena, setting up this match at Extreme Rules 2012.

John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

This is an Extreme Rules match which means they’re in wrestling gear. Well Lesnar is in MMA gear but you get the idea. The fans are more behind Cena than Lesnar. Cena charges right into a takedown and Brock comes at him with the strikes. Cena is cut on the left side of his head. Cena grabs a quick front facelock but Lesnar is WAY too strong. He poundso n Cena even more and the doctor comes in to check the cut. The replay shows that it was an elbow to the head. They close or at least stop the cut and go back to it.

Cena charges in again and Lesnar pounds him right down. Brock hammers on him and knocks Cena to the floor with a knee. The doctors stop it AGAIN to check the cut. Cena hits a quick elbow and tries the FU but Lesnar escapes and hits two rolling Germans. Lesnar’s Gonna Kill You chant. Cena comes back with some elbows and the shoulder block but there goes the referee.

Cena hits the ropes again but Lesnar runs him over. Lesnar goes for the open wound and rubs Cena’s blood on his own chest. Brock throws on an armbar (screw that kimura crap. This is wrestling) and then throws Cena to the floor instead of cranking on it. To the floor and Brock throws it on again but lets it go a second time, throwing Cena into the barricade.

Back in and Lesnar gets Cena’s chain and lock. He puts it down and chains Cena’s feet together. Cena gets up and Brock hits what might have been the hardest clothesline I’ve ever seen. With the legs still tied together, Brock puts him in the Tree of Woe. Brock goes after the referee but Cena escapes. That goes badly again as Brock whips him into the steps. AA is countered again into an F5 attempt but Cena’s legs hit the referee.

A second referee comes out but Lesnar throws him out too. The steps are brought in and Cena says Brock can’t see him. Back into the armbar and this time there’s a body vice. They’re on the steps and the fans care cheering for Cena. He picks Brock up into kind of a spinebuster but his arm is hanging limp. Cena goes up but misses the Fameasser. He was about an inch from hitting the steps too.

Cena rolls to the floor and is spent. Lesnar looks around bur can’t find Cena. He gets up on the steps and sees Cena (hehe) who can barely get back in. Cena gets up on the apron so Lesnar gets a running start from the steps and hits kind of a Poetry In Motion move but crashes to the floor and hurts his knee. He’s fine but Cena has the chain. Brock charges again and Cena gets in the chain shot to clock Lesnar. I think Brock is busted now. Oh yeah he is and Cena’s head has a lot of blood there too. An AA onto the steps gives Cena the pin at 18:05.

Rating: A. WOW. This is going to be a disputed rating but this was an absolute war. Cena got one homerun shot to win it but that’s all he needed. Lesnar dominated about 95% of the match but it was good enough to make both guys look great. Lesnar can come back but Cena has the first win, which sets up a rematch where Lesnar can beat him. I had a blast with this and Lesnar looks AMAZING.

Back in 2002, Kurt Angle issued an open challenge to any future superstar in the back that wanted to make a name for themselves. Cena answered, making his WWE debut on June 27, 2002 on Smackdown.

Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Angle asks who Cena thinks he is and we hear his name for the first time. Cena says he can do this because of Ruthless Aggression and punches Angle to the floor. Back inside and Cena nails a backdrop followed by a corner splash for two. Another clothesline puts Angle down but he puts on the ankle lock. John rolls through but gets caught in a German suplex. They were flying before that throw.

Another release German puts Cena down but he rolls through the ankle lock into a rollup for two. Kurt hammers away in the corner and gets two more off a belly to belly. We hit the front facelock on Cena but he suplexes his way to freedom. A flying forearm puts Kurt down and a spinebuster gets two. The fans are WAY into these near falls. The Angle Slam is countered and Kurt misses a charge into the post to give Cena ANOTHER two. A powerslam gets one of the closest near falls I’ve ever seen on Angle but Kurt grabs a double chicken wing and holds him down for the pin.

Rating: B. For what this was, I was blown away. The ending worked really well as Angle had to use a quick amateur style move to beat him rather than the big moves he usually put people away with. Cena looked AWESOME out there and hung in there with Angle every move. You give Cena a moveset and he was going to be a star.

That’s an understatement of course and Cena would become a huge star. Another huge star was Batista, who Cena fought at Summerslam 2008.

John Cena vs. Batista

Batista shoves Cena back to start before grabbing a headlock. Cena comes back with a quick slam and Batista stops to take a breather. A big clothesline puts Cena down and a Jackhammer gets two. Cena comes right back with a suplex of his own for two but Batista puts him down with a side slam. A quick FU attempt is countered and Batista goes after the leg. Off to a Figure Four on Cena (just like Flair, he puts it on the wrong leg) who can’t power out so we get a rope grab instead for the break.

Back up immediately and Cena throws Batista to the floor in something resembling an FU before collapsing down. Back in again and Cena fires off the shoulder blocks and the ProtoBomb to set up the Shuffle. The FU is countered again and Batista kicks him in the face to put both guys down. Batista drives shoulders into the corner and catches him in the spinebuster to put Cena down. Cena backdrops out of the Batista Bomb and hits a DDT on the leg to set up the STFU. Batista FINALLY crawls over and gets a rope to shock Cena.

Batista gets up and escapes another FU to hook a rear naked choke of all things. Cena fights out of a hold as well, only to get caught by a spear for a VERY close two. They’re in full on main event mode here and it’s getting very awesome. Cena counters a powerslam into an FU but can’t follow up due to exhaustion. It’s finally good for two so Cena goes up with nowhere else to go.

Batista is up as well and they slug it out on top with Batista being knocked to the mat. Cena tries the Fameasser but gets caught in a Batista Bomb…..for two, plus a neck injury that required three months off (I seem to remember that happening earlier but WWE said it was here). Not that it matters as Batista goes into Animal Mode and ENDS Cena with a Batista Bomb for the pin.

Rating: A-. This is exactly what it was supposed to be: the two top guys in the company going to war with only one left standing. It’s a great fight in the vein of Rock vs. Austin from back in the day. Almost no complaints here and it felt like a major match on a major stage. What else can you ask for here?

Back to Punk now for what might be the match of the decade. From Money in the Bank 2011.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

And here we go.  Punk has an epic reaction as he’s the hometown boy.  He even has a new shirt.  The crowd is rabid for Punk.  He sits in the ring and is a total face in the eyes of the crowd.  HUGE CM Punk chant goes up as we wait on Cena.  I seriously worry for Cena’s safety if he wins.  OH MAN that heat is ONS levels.  Punk goes out to be near the crowd for Cena’s entrance.  Total stoic Cena here as everything he does is booed out of the building.

They do big match intros and Punk is as over as free beer.  Here we go.  I’m so fired up for this it’s unreal.  TON of time for this too.  Punk grabs a headlock and the YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants start up.  We actually do some chain wrestling and Cena is booed out of the building for a snap mare.  They do some obvious spot calling while Cena has a headlock.  Punk tries to fire off a spin kick but Cena ducks.

YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants start up and Punk points at himself and asks the fans if they mean him.  Punk almost gets an Anaconda Vice but Cena reverses into an armbar.  They’re working slow here but that’s perfectly fine given that they have over 45 minutes if need be.  Jerry tries to make Punk out to be the heel here and it’s just failing completely.  There’s the duel and it’s all CENA SUCKS rather quickly.

Even Cole is against Punk here.  Headlock goes on again as Cena has mostly controlled here, but we’re only like 5 minutes in.  Hip toss by Punk sets up a dropkick and Punk speeds things up a bit.  There’s a headlock of his own and Cena is down.  We reference Montreal because that’s just what we do here in WWE.  Punk does You Can’t See Me to Cena and they both try their finishers but it’s a stalemate.

HUGE CM Punk chant goes up which is par for the course tonight.  Punk goes for the knee and takes over again.  Cena fires back with the bulldog for two.  Off to a front facelock and Punk shakes his finger no.  I’ve never seen as many spots called in a single match.  Cena hits a clothesline and Punk might have lost a tooth.  Off to an arm trap chinlock which is close to a Crossface with Cena on his back.

Punk gets up and suplexes his way out of it for two.  Cena does a Bret Hart chest to the buckle bump which gets two.  All Punk at this point.  Cena gets something going and hits a release fisherman’s suplex for two.  AA is reversed again and Punk gets a quick DDT for two.  Triangle choke goes on Cena and we slow it down again.  It seems like they’re saving energy.  They’ve been at it nearly ten minutes and it’s 10:22 so that’s a very likely scenario.

Cena counters out of it but Punk throws him to the floor.  Punk teases going up but just climbs out instead.  The fans applaud Punk just for picking Cena up.  The fans chant for Colt Cabana and there’s a knee to the back of the neck of Cena while he’s hanging off the apron.  That gets two back in the ring.  Punk charges at Cena but his arm hits the post to buy Cena a few seconds.

And never mind as Punk hits a clothesline for two.  Back to the chinlock as this needs to go a long time since the rest holds are getting a bit boring.  There are actually some Cena chants and Punk comes off the middle rope with a spinning cross body.  Cena might have hurt his knee as he’s going to the apron a bit.  Punk goes after him but can’t suplex him back in.  Cena manages to suplex him to the floor and the fans clap for a bit.

I think the knee was a work as he’s not even holding it at the moment.  Oh wait yes he is.  That was more or less an FU off the apron.  Back in the ring that gets two as he’s rubbing the knee now.  He can stand on it and hits another release fisherman’s.  Elbow drop gets two.  Cena sets for what looks like a powerslam but flips Punk forward into a sitout slam for two.

It’s only 10:30 and they’ve been going at it over 15 minutes.  The knee looks fine.  It’s boo/yay time and the yays are winning it.  We go WAY old school with an abdominal stretch.  HE EVEN HOOKS THE LEG PROPERLY!  Punk hip tosses out of it and it’s a double clothesline to put them both down.  Cena up first and he initiates the ending sequence.  The Protobomb is reversed though and Punk gets the loudest reaction for a rollup you’ll ever here.

Protobomb hits this time but You Can’t See Me results in a kick to the head.  Suicide dive takes Cena down and the fans erupt again.  Punk high fives a fan while he’s still on the ground in a cool moment.  Punk misses a cross body and now he Can’t See Cena.  Five Knuckle Shuffle hits at about 20 minutes.  AA is countered and Punk uses his martial arts for two.

Punk is looking towards the entrance and smiles for no apparent reason.  GTS is loaded up but Cena counters into a gutwrench suplex for two.  Punk fights back with some knees to the jaw and a bulldog.  Springboard clothesline gets two and the fans are still totally into this.  The replay shows how sweet those knees were.  Out of nowhere Cena grabs the STF and Punk is in trouble!  Oh of course he makes the rope but it takes awhile for him to get there.

As Cena goes for Punk again he gets caught in the side of the head with a big old kick for two.  Cena rolls through a cross body but the AA is countered into the GTS but Cena grabs the leg and the STF is back on again!  Punk can’t make the ropes but Cena pulls him back to the middle again.  Cole says it’s a matter of time and he’s right.  It’ll just be multiple more minutes because Punk manages to counter from the mat into the Anaconda Vice.  SWEET!

Cena gets back up there’s the AA for TWO.  This is getting awesome as they used the slow build.  I’m glued to my screen which hasn’t happened since a few years ago with Taker vs. Shawn.  Top rope legdrop is countered via something like a powerbomb for two.  Punk almost Hulks Up and says it’s time to Go To Sleep.  He loads it up but Cena grabs the rope and clotheslines him on it.

The top rope legdrop hits this time but it only gets two.  These kickouts are incredible.  They’re not going to end the match but they’ve built it up so well and the audience being so into them is making up the difference.  Cena is getting his 19th wind and looks like he wants the AA.  It hits clean again and PUNK KICKS OUT.  Cena tries an AA off the middle rope but Punk fights out of it.

He manages to get a top rope hurricanrana but Cena goes to the corner to escape.  Corner knee sets up the GTS and Cole is scared to death.  The knee only hits the ribs and Cena manages to fall out of the ring instead of being in pinning position.  And here’s Vince with Johnny Ace.  The distraction lets Cena get the STF and Vince sends Johnny Ace to ring the bell.  Cena hits the floor and blasts Ace, saying he doesn’t want it that way.  Vince and Cena have a staredown in the aisle and Cena says it’s my way.  He charges back into the ring and there’s the GTS and PUNK WINS!

Rating: A+. Excellent match as I’m sure you got here as the whole thing came off as completely epic.  Cena almost had to lose here due to the sake of his own safety.  Vince screwing himself over is a great thing because that’s how it had to be.  Great stuff here and the show ending with Punk being as popular as anyone imaginable is excellent.  Awesome stuff here and an awesome show.

Cena’s biggest title run was in late 2006 to late 2007. Here’s how it started at Unforgiven 2006.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Oh and it’s TLC. Let the Vince hardon begin. No coat for Edge here which is weird. BIG pop for Edge. I really want to see him as a face again. It might have helped to have him be a face for more than like two months or give him more than just shouting SPEAR over and over again. They start booing before Cena’s music even hits. Nuclear heat on Cena.

I love having the ladder and chair set up on the tables around the ring. That’s always a perk for some reason. Cena just being a two time champion is great. You can barely understand Lillian over the pop for Edge. Ross makes a good point and asks what Buddy Rogers would think of a TLC match. I’d counter with what would he think of the belt that spins with a big R on it.

LOUD booing for a simple headlock. This crowd is awesome. Impaler hits but since it’s not 2000 anymore that move is just average. I’ve never gotten that: how can a move like that just lose its power? Cena goes into some chairs and Edge is loudly cheered. You’ll get used to that tonight. Ladder time as Edge is mostly dominant. I’m getting tired of me saying things and then them changing immediately. A hip toss puts Edge onto a ladder and the American takes over.

It has always confused me a bit how people always talk about experience in these kinds of matches. How much experience do you need to climb a ladder? Sunset powerbomb through the table is kind of botched as the table isn’t there so they hit mat instead of table. A powerslam does it instead. These matches are hard to review as you kind of always wind up just listing off spots and it gets rather repetitive.

Edge runs up the ladder and hits a dive over the top to take out Cena which looked awesome. One man Conchairto is avoided by Cena, resulting in the cheering from fans over the lack of massive head trauma. STFU with Edge inside a ladder, which actually would hurt which is nicer than the figure four around the leg which wouldn’t really add a lot of pain I don’t think.

Cena hits an FU on the ladder. As in the ladder was across his shoulder and landed on Edge who was on the mat. Edge takes over again and sets Cena on a table then sets up another table on top of that. Nothing happens with it though, so I’d bet on that being the big finish. The BIG ladder is brought out and Edge is down, so Cena has to inch up the ladder.

SPEAR to take Cena off the ladder. It’s not quite the one to Hardy but it’s not bad at all. They fight over big spots near the ladder and Edge hits the floor. Cena almost gets the belt but Lita makes the save and Cena takes a big old fall to the floor and through a table. Lita messes up though and causes Edge to go flying through a table as well. FU to Lita and it’s time for Miley Cyrus’ big song from last year.

The double stack table is set up again but for no apparent reason at all as Edge is down on the floor and Cena is capable of climbing. Both guys on are the ladder and in a fairly famous visual now, Edge takes the FU off the ladder through two tables. Cena grabs the belt, which he would hold for the next full year plus.

Rating: B. I thought a higher grade at first but this feels more right. It’s definitely a good match and worthy of being a PPV main event, but it just feels kind of anti-climactic. Cena defies the odds again and wins the title? It’s not bad or anything but it just lacks that spark I guess you would say. Very intense match though with some very nice big bumps. This is worth checking out.

Speaking of 2006, here’s the main event from Backlash 2006.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH vs. Edge

Cena is defending if that wasn’t clear. HHH is the huge crowd favorite. The girl I was with was a huge Cena fan so I was for Edge all night. Well I liked Edge so it wasn’t completely because of her. Edge tells the other two to go at it and heads to the floor. That’s cool with HHH and Cena as they slug it out, won by the champion. Some shoulders take HHH down and there’s the release fisherman’s suplex for two. Edge makes the save and bails right back to the floor.

Cena punches the Game some more but walks into the high knee which gets two and some applause. Edge makes another save and heads right back to the floor. HHH and Cena finally have enough of the Canadian and they both go after him. Cena clotheslines Edge to the floor and takes turns with HHH ramming Edge into the announce table. This is awesome as it turns into a contest to see who can do it harder. Edge goes into the table about 10 times and looks mostly dead.

All three go back in but HHH throws Cena to the floor. Cena pulls HHH off the apron and rams his face into said apron. A top rope splash gets two on Edge and Cena loads up the Shuffle, only for Lita to pull the rope down and send Cena to the floor. HHH rams Cena into the steps and goes back in for a facebuster on Edge. The knee to the face gets two as does the spinebuster.

Edge counters a suplex and hits the Edge-O-Matic for two. HHH shrugs that off and puts on a sleeper but Edge reverses into one of his own. We have a Cena chant as he gets both guys up for the FU at once. That blew my mind at the time and he didn’t even hit the move. Edge gets off the top and spears Cena down while HHH is still in the FU position, giving the Game a Samoan Drop from Cena. Cool spot.

HHH and Edge head to the floor and HHH gets catapulted into the post to bust him open. Edge DDTs HHH on the table, leaving blood everywhere when the table doesn’t break. That made me cringe in the arena. HHH is COVERED in blood. Back in and Edge dropkicks Cena for two. He spears Cena in the corner but Cena counters the regular one into the STFU. Edge is about to tap but HHH pops up and blocks the hand from coming down and hits Cena in the head with the mic to break the hold.

HHH caves Edge’s head in with a chair shot, knocking him into the crowd. He heads back inside and walks right into the STFU just like at Mania. There is blood everywhere. HHH keeps his arm up (there need to be more arm checks from the referees. I miss those) and finally makes the rope. FU is countered into a Pedigree but that’s countered back into the STFU. Edge breaks it up and there goes the referee.

Cena tries to FU Edge from the middle rope but HHH gets beneath Cena to make it a modified Tower of Doom. Everyone is down so Lita brings in a chair. She charges at HHH with it but walks into a spinebuster which got a big pop in the arena. HHH gets the chair but throws it down. Instead he pulls out the sledgehammer but Edge spears him down. Edge gets the hammer but Cena loads him into the FU. HHH breaks that up with a low blow but the Pedigree to Cena is countered into a rollup for the pin to retain.

Rating: B+. This was WAY better from this perspective as I wasn’t all that impressed when I saw it live. This was actually an awesome match with a great blade job from HHH and almost non-stop action. Cena getting another win over HHH was another big step in his push towards the top of the company as he wasn’t quite there yet. This was a great match and it really impressed me on a second viewing.

Cena defended the title the next year at Backlash as well.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton

One fall to a finish. This is coming off the one hour match between Shawn and Cena on Raw. Shawn talks trash to Cena to start and it turns into a four way argument. Rated RKO yells at the other two until the other two hammer Rated RKO to the floor. Shawn immediately chops Cena into the corner. John comes back with a release fisherman’s suplex for two.

The other two come in and have a staredown of their own. They slug it out with Orton dropkicking Edge to the floor. Cena throws him back in and this time it’s Orton going to the floor, only to be beaten up by Shawn on the other side of the ring. All four head outside now and it’s only Edge on his feet. Shawn slams him down and goes into the ring for a moonsault onto all three guys. That always looks great.

Shawn and Edge get back into the ring but they clothesline each other. Cena comes back in and hits a double top rope Fameasser to take both guys down, getting two on Edge out of it. He goes to cover Shawn but Orton takes his head off with a clothesline. Orton throws out the guys with long hair and hits the backbreaker on Cena for two. A knee drop gets the same and Orton sends Cena shoulder first into the post.

Cena goes to the floor and it’s Shawn taking his place. Forearm and nip up follow but Edge spin wheel kicks him down for two. Orton is mad at Edge now but they team up to put down both guys. Cena gets sent into the table and it’s 2-1 on Shawn in the ring. They both grab a leg and put on what I guess you would call a double half crab. With Shawn in trouble, Cena comes in to take out both guys and save Shawn.

Cena cleans house and hits various signature moves on various opponents. Edge takes the Protoplex and Shuffle after everyone else has been shouldered out. Shawn Orton pull Cena out to the floor and send him into the post, followed by Shawn putting Orton into the same post. Shawn loads up a piledriver onto the table to Orton but Edge cracks him with a chair to break up it. Orton gives him a thumbs up and takes a chair shot for his efforts.

Edge comes into the ring and tries to use the chair on Cena but gets caught in the STF instead. Edge makes the rope and Orton comes in to replace him in the same hold. Shawn comes back in and almost gets caught in the STF but instead it’s a small package on Cena for two. Shawn clears out the ring other than Cena who takes the top rope elbow for two. He loads up the superkick but has to dodge an Edge spear. Edge goes down and the top rope elbow hits him as well.

Orton comes in for the same move but Cena breaks it up before Shawn can jump. Cena tries an FU on Shawn off the top but gets caught in a double electric chair drop off the top with Shawn crashing even harder. Edge and John are the only ones left in the ring but all three of the FU attempts fail. Orton and Shawn come back and it’s an RKO for Michaels. That gets two as Cena saves, as does the Edgecution on Cena. Everyone but Shawn tries finishers on everyone but only Edge hits a spear on Orton. Cena FU’s Edge and gets superkicked onto Randy for the pin. That was a great finish!

Rating: B+. I was really getting into this at the end and Cena getting superkicked down into the pin was a great way to keep everyone looking strong. The ending was so fast that I gave up trying to keep up with everything that was happening. It didn’t come off as a huge main event but at the same time it wasn’t supposed to. Very good stuff here though and everyone came off looking great.

It wouldn’t be Cena without a Wrestlemania main event. Here’s one from Wrestlemania XXIII.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Remember that they’re tag champions here but neither guy wears the belt. I can’t say I blame them of course. Cena’s special entrance this year is driving a muscle car from “the parking lot” into the arena due to being in Detroit. They circle each other to start before Shawn slaps him in the face. A quick headlock doesn’t do much for Shawn so he uses his speed advantage to pop John with some right hands. Back to the headlock and it works a bit better this time as Shawn takes Cena down to the mat.

Cena has had enough of this defense thing and rings Shawn’s bell with a clothesline. Shawn is sent to the apron but he tosses Cena from the ring and out to the floor. A BIG chop staggers Cena but Shawn’s Asai Moonsault hits mostly table and Shawn is hurt. Luckily for him though Cena is even more hurt as they head back inside. Shawn chops away in the corner before going after Cena’s knee. The leg is wrapped around the post and Cena is in trouble. The referee asks Cena if he can continue and of course Cena says yes.

Shawn keeps kicking at the leg before wrapping it around the ring rope. With Cena down in the corner, Shawn stares straight at him to play even more mind games. Back up and John hits a big right hand to send Shawn flying across the ring. Shawn charges straight back at him with a shoulder into the ribs in the corner to keep control. Michaels charges again but Cena’s leg gives out and Shawn goes head first into the post, busting him open.

Cena has had enough of getting beaten up so he punches Shawn down before firing off some mounted right hands. The ProtoBomb and Shuffle hit but Shawn punches his way out of the FU. Cena is sent into the corner but manages to duck Sweet Chin Music. The referee isn’t so lucky though and is knocked senseless. Cena tries the FU but is countered into a DDT to put both guys down.

With no referee in sight, Shawn rolls to the floor and hits a sick piledriver onto the steps. The THUD when Cena’s head hit was a little scary. The back of Cena’s head is cut open BAD on top of that. Back in and here’s a second referee but the count only gets two. There are the forearm and nip-up as the blood flows down Shawn’s face. The top rope elbow connects but Cena blocks Chin Music with a big clothesline to put both guys down again.

They slug it out in the middle of the ring but the FU is countered again into a sunset flip for two. Shawn’s leap frog is caught in the FU but Cena is too banged up to cover. The very delayed cover gets two and the champ is getting frustrated. With nothing else to do he tries an FU off the top, only to be shoved off by Shawn. Michaels dives at Cena but gets caught in the FU position. He counters that as well though by landing on his feet, only to miss the superkick and have Cena try for the STFU. Cena keeps trying for it but gets small packaged down for two instead.

Shawn misses an enziguri attempt and now the STFU is on. Cena cranks back on it but Shawn is only a few inches away from the rope. As Shawn starts to black out he grabs the rope and Cena has to break. He takes a bit too long though and gets in an argument with the referee, allowing Shawn to kick Cena’s head off. Another delayed cover gets two and both guys are down. In a cool spot, both guys have to lean on the other to get up. The FU is countered again but Shawn can’t avoid the STFU again. Cena cranks back on it and Shawn has no choice but to tap out.

Rating: A-. This was a much better match than the HHH match from the year before for a few reasons. First of all, there was a story behind the match. As simple as it was, Shawn being Cena’s partner gave them a bond and seeing them fight was something interesting to see. Second, the drama was better here. Cena felt like he was in real trouble and that the title was in danger, which I never felt last year. It’s a better match overall and they would have even better ones in the future.

Let’s try another Angle match, this time from No Mercy 2003.

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Cena does a quick rap implying that Kurt is stupid. Oh and he’s gay. Cena as a totally disrespectful young punk is an interesting character for him. Angle is here as the old veteran that’s going to beat respect into Cena. Kurt takes him to the mat and runs him all over the place. Cena gets to the corner and looks terrified. The fans chant for Cena as the fans are still starting to like him here.

John runs him over a few times but Kurt easily takes him to the mat and works on the arm again. Angle ducks under a right hand and flips Cena a double bird. Cena comes back with a HARD clothesline and gets to the ground and pound. Angle comes back with a shoulder to the ribs in the corner but a second one hits post. Neckbreaker gets two for Cena. Protobomb gets the same and it’s off to the front facelock.

The dueling chants begin and Angle fires off some punches but he walks into a spinebuster for two. Cena goes up but Angle runs the corner. He gets knocked off so Cena jumps off with a double ax, but Angle dropkicks the knee on the way down. I can’t believe it: Angle actually hurting the leg before the ankle lock. Kurt wins a slugout and hits a Russian legsweep for two. He grabs the ankle lock but Cena grabs the rope immediately.

Out to the floor but they’re back in before I finish typing that sentence. They slug it out on the apron and Angle tries to German him off to the floor. Cena counters and DDTs him (landing on the shoulder) onto the apron to put Kurt down. Angle staggers back in but Cena dives off the top with the Fameasser for two. Kurt comes back with a German but Cena dropkicks Kurt’s knee out. Throwback gets two.

Cena misses a charge and it’s time for the the Rolling Germans which get two. Kurt can’t follow up so Cena hits a Buckle Bomb for two. The FU hits but Angle gets out at 2.9. I know the finish to the match already and even I thought that was going to be three. Another FU is countered into the Angle Slam but Cena gets out at two as well. Cena gets the chain but has them taken away. Gold medals to the head get two. Another FU attempt is countered into a backslide for two. FU is countered into the ankle lock and Cena taps. There’s something you don’t see everyday.

Rating: B+. It’s Cena vs. Angle for 18 minutes. What were you expecting here? Cena was nowhere near as good as he’d get but you could see the abilities here that were about to shine through. The near falls in this were great and it was clear that they had something special with Cena. He would turn face by Mania and would win the US Title there and the world title the next year.

Now for what might be my favorite Cena match ever. From Judgment Day 2005.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

This is I Quit. Cena comes out on the back of a flatbed truck and with a DJ playing his theme song with turntables. Cena walks on top of JBL’s limo to tick Bradshaw off even more. Loud Cena chant to start us off which you rarely hear anymore. JBL makes the referee hold up both belts and now we’re ready to go.

We start with some technical stuff but there’s a ton of time to go so this is going to have time to get brutal. Arm drag by Cena and he works on the arm. JBL hits the floor which is enough to give him the advantage. Back in some clubbing forearms and a DDT put Cena down. JBL covers for no count because there are no pins in this. Cena fights back and gets a clothesline to send him to the floor.

Out to the floor and Cena rams his head into the steps. JBL manages to send him into the railing and we go out into the crowd. DDT on the floor and Cena is down. I keep thinking this is last man standing for some reason. Back into the ringside area and JBL sets up the announce table. Cena fights back so JBL returns the favor and sends him into the steps.

Bradshaw steals the belt, as in what you hold your pants up with and not the championship version, from the timekeeper. Cena is choked around the post by the belt, which I think is exactly what would happen in the match at Breaking Point with Orton. Bradshaw takes him onto the table and yells at him to quit. The powerbomb doesn’t work as Cena backdrops him through the other table.

Monitor to the head of JBL has him in trouble. It’s so weird to hear Cena cheered this loudly and universally. And then the fans are silenced by a huge chair to the head. Steps to the side of the head and Cena needs to be asked already. Brutal stuff so far. OH MAN Cena is busted wide open. JBL has a mic and they head back into the ring. Three extra special super finisher clotheslines from JBL and Cena is reeling.

Cena still won’t quit so JBL grabs Cena’s chain. The champ tries to fight up but a low blow puts him down again. Bradshaw asks him some more but the champ fights back and stands up with the blood dripping down his face. Five Knuckle Shuffle to JBL is followed by the FU. Bradshaw gets up and tries to leave. They head towards the limo and Cena gets a Protoplex onto the hood.

They both head on top of the car and JBL gets a weak swinging neckbreaker on the hood also. They head over to the production area but Cena won’t give up. He manages to send JBL into a TV head first. I have never seen Cena bleed like this in his career. Now JBL goes into the window of the limo. To the top of the car and Cena gets a suplex before ramming him into the door of the car.

Now he breaks the door of the car off and lifts it over his head. JBL is just trying to run now. They head over to the flatbed truck and Bradshaw gets rammed into an air canister or something like that. DDT on the truck by JBL out of nowhere but he still won’t quit. They go over to a speaker and JBL tries to choke him again. Cena finds a microphone somewhere and drills JBL in the head with it to save himself and put JBL through a table.

The champ goes over to the flatbed and rips the smokestack off and comes at JBL with it with a look that scares me to death in his eyes. JBL sees him coming and gives up out of fear. Cena hits him with it anyway, which I would have gone with as the ending but the other one worked too. Cena poses in the ring with the title to end the show, still covered in blood.

Rating: A. THIS is what you call a star making performance. This was an absolute war with Cena standing there covered in blood for the majority of the match and having it cover his upper body. He looked like a warrior out there that wouldn’t give in no matter what. The look of fear on JBL’s face was excellent as well and Cena was absolutely terrifying at the end of the match coming at JBL with that big pipe. If you want to see Cena go nuts and have his version of the street fight at the 2000 Rumble, find this match. Find it anyway as it’s pretty easily JBL’s best ever and probably in Cena’s top 10 if not higher.

Now for one of the big ones. From Raw on April 23, 2007, John Cena’s 30th birthday. This is a rematch from Wrestlemania 23, less than a month earlier.

Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena

There’s almost an hour to go in the show so you know this is going to be something good. Shawn works on the shoulder to start but Cena counters with a headscissors into a stalemate. They do the exact same sequence and then try it again, but Cena goes for a drop toehold which Shawn escapes. Another STFU attempt sends Shawn running to the ropes. Cena is very pleased that he got that close.

Cena tries to grab the leg this time but Shawn makes the rope. They get in each others’ faces and it’s a slugout. Back from a break and the fans are getting way into this. Cena takes him down with a headlock instead which lasts for a good while. A big clothesline takes Shawn down and it’s chinlock time. Shawn pops back up and is immediately clotheslined back down.

Sweet Chin Music is avoided and the FU is countered by Shawn heading to the floor. We take another break and come back to Shawn getting in a shot in the corner. He’s mostly the heel in this but it’s not full fledged. They speed things up and Cena hits a World’s Strongest Slam for two. Release fisherman’s suplex gets two. Throwback gets two. They slug it out and Shawn counters a suplex into a neckbreaker for two.

Another slugout results in the flying forearm by Shawn. He nips up and hammers Cena down and goes to the corner for the elbow. It hits but instead of covering Shawn stomps the mat for the Chin Music. Cena ducks and Shawn grabs a quick backslide for two. The shoulder block misses and Cena may have hurt his shoulder on the crash to the floor. Shawn dives over the floor but Cena catches him in mid-air and slams him into the steps.

Back from break #3 and they’re both in the ring again. It should be noted that we’re probably half an hour into this and Cena looks FINE. He doesn’t look tired, he doesn’t look winded, he doesn’t even look sweaty. That’s almost scary. Cena charges into the post and Shawn has a target. He hooks a combination hammerlock/abdominal stretch on the mat before driving in some knees on the arm.

Cena shrugs off most of it and starts his finishing sequence, taking Shawn’s head off with a clothesline. The Shuffle hits but the FU is countered into Chin Music attempt into the FU for a VERY close two. We take another break and come back with Cena throwing Shawn to the floor. Cena rams his back into the post and we head back inside. Delayed vertical suplex gets two.

Bearhug time which is proof we’re in a big match as you almost never see a face use one of those. Shawn fights out of it but gets thrown over the corner and out to the floor. Back in Cena hits the top rope Fameasser which seems to be a new move for him. They go to the corner for a superplex but Cena instead tries an FU off the top, which Shawn counters into a powerbomb off the top to put both guys down.

Out to the apron and Shawn knocks him face first into the announce table. The look on his face says THAT REALLY HURT! Out to the floor and Shawn loads up a piledriver on the steps but Cena backdrops him onto the floor as we take I think break number five. Back with them on the announce table and Cena is all fired up. Back inside Cena hooks the STFU but it’s not cranked on perfectly.

Shawn makes the rope and we cut to some cheering girl in the crowd. Shawn looks a bit dead but Cena is waiting for the FU. Shawn pops up with the Chin Music but Cena tries the FU again. That gets reversed and Chin Music hits for a very delayed two. They slowly get up and Cena tries the FU again but Shawn slips down the back and hits the second Sweet Chin Music for the pin at 55:49. Unless there’s some house show match that I don’t know of, that’s the longest regular one on one match in the WWE/F since 1981.

Rating: A-. It’s certainly not a masterpiece or even anything close to one, but considering they just went an hour, you have to give them bonus points. Cena looked fresh as a daisy 40 minutes into this which is more proof that he isn’t human. This is also a loss that doesn’t hurt Cena because it wasn’t like he got beat but rather that he got caught. Very good match and the time aspect of it is remarkable. This match is on the Heartbreak and Triumph DVD.

Is there anything else that could close this out? This is Cena’s moment, from Wrestlemania XXVIII. I’ll throw in the pre-match stuff as a bonus.

And now, it is time.

We recap Rock vs. Cena which is at least a year in the making. Something like seven years ago Cena insulted Rock in an interview, so when Rock came back to be guest host last year, he insulted Cena in his return promo. The night after Wrestlemania, Cena had challenged Rock to a one on one match at THIS Wrestlemania. This led to a year of build (minus six months for Rock to make a movie of course) which got me to the point where I HAD to see this match. I didn’t know if it was going to be great, if it was going to suck, or somewhere in between, but I needed to see it. That’s never happened to me as a fan before.

Diddy comes out to bring out MGK (a rapper) to perform some song called Invincible. He does this stupid monologue about how Cena is a huge underdog in this, despite Cena being active having more experience overall than Rock. Cena is booed out of the building but gives something to an old lady who apparently is related to some Hall of Famer. We should be ready for Rock’s entrance, but first we need Flo-Rida to perform two songs. I remember SCREAMING to get to it at this point. Oh and Flo has a bunch of dancers with him, presumably the same girls who were in the Bridge Club ten minutes ago.

John Cena vs. The Rock

Rock’s ovation is thunderous. There’s really no other way to put it as it’s very clear who the fans are for here. During the big match intros, Cena is booed even further out of the stadium. They stare each other down and FINALLY the bell rings. Cena shoves him away to start and the dueling chants begin. They lock up again and this time Cena goes flying. Rock grabs a headlock before they fight over arm control.

A few armdrags put Cena down and a cradle gets a quick two for Cena. Cena has to make sure it wasn’t three as he looks a bit shaken. Back up and John leapfrogs over Rock before taking him down with a headlock takeover. They get up again and Rock tries a quick Sharpshooter but Cena bails to the floor. Rock decks him as he gets back in but Cena charges at him in the corner with a hard shoulder to the ribs. Cena gets a quick one count off a clothesline before putting on a bearhug on the mat.

Back up and Rock punches away but gets low bridged out to the floor. Cena drops him ribs first onto the barricade and announce table before going to the ring for a seat. When Rock won’t quit Cena throws him back inside and gets a two count. We’re definitely in another gear now. Off to a bearhug on Rock’s bad ribs but he won’t quit. Rock finally comes back with right hands to escape and a DDT for two.

Rock wins a quick slugout and hits the spinebuster but Cena picks the leg to break up the Elbow. Cena comes back with his finishing sequence but the AA is escaped. A double clothesline puts both guys down as they take a breather. After a few moments on the mat they slug it out with Cena punching Rock down to his knees. Rock fires off more punches and does You Can’t See Me before trying the spit punch, only to get caught in the AA for a close two.

Cena goes to pick Rock up but takes the Rock Bottom for two for the Brahma Bull. Rock stomps away in the corner but walks into a side slam for two. John goes up top for a very delayed top rope Fameasser for another near fall. Rock comes back with a spinebuster into the Sharpshooter but he doesn’t have it on well. Cena crawls to the rope so Rock lets go and pounds away. Back to the Sharpshooter (why don’t more people do that? Even if Cena won’t quit you can still do more damage) but Cena makes the rope immediately again. Gee maybe if he had pulled Cena from the rope it would have been harder to escape.

Rock fires off some elbows to the chest and sends Cena into the steps for good measure. Back inside and Cena tries a sunset flip of all things but immediately shifts into the STF in the middle of the ring. Cena drags him back to the middle of the ring and Rock is starting to fade. We get an old school arm check and Rock holds it up on the third drop. I love stuff like that. Rock makes it to the ropes and as they get back up, Cena walks into a Samoan drop to put both guys down.

Another slugout goes to Rock and the spinebuster sets up the Elbow……for TWO. The place is losing their minds on these kickouts and can you blame them a bit? Both guys are spent here but Cena hits a catapult into the corner for two. With nothing left to try, Cena loads up the middle rope AA but Rock shoves him off and tries a top rope cross body but Cena rolls through into the BIG AA for an even closer two. Cena begs the referee to call it three. That gets him nowhere so Cena loads up a People’s Elbow. As he hits the second rope, Rock nips up and hits the Rock Bottom for the shocking pin.

Rating: A+. What else do you want from this? This is one of those matches which could have gone either way as they beat the tar out of each other. They had the big fight atmosphere down to perfection here and while the ending is still questionable (yet not completely wrong), it’s exactly what you want a Wrestlemania main event to be. This somehow surpassed the hype and was excellent in every sense of the word.

I don’t think I need to explain John Cena to you.

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Wrestler of the Day – April 14: Austin Aries

Today is A-Double Austin Aries.

 

Aries debuted on the indy scene in late 2000 but we’re starting in September 2003 in a very small indy company called ACW out of Wisconsin. The show is called Kickoff Karnage and it’s actually for an NWA Title.

NWA Midwest X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Shawn Daivari vs. Justin Kage

This show is outside and the title seems to be vacant coming in. To really play up racial stereotypes, Daivari brings his magic carpet to the ring with him. Feeling out process to start until Shawn grabs a headlock on Kage. Aries bails to the floor to watch before charging into headscissors from Daivari at the same time that Kage is taken over by a headlock in a sloppy combo.

Aries sends both guys to the floor for a corkscrew dive before we head back inside for some more slipping. Daivari and Kage both hit moonsaults out of the corner for two each on Aries before they wind up slugging it out. Daivari loads up a fall away slam on Kage but gets German suplexed by Austin for a three man spot. One of the announcers keeps imitating Dusty Rhodes for some reason.

We get a Tower of Doom out of the corner with Kage getting dropped on the back of his head in a scary crash. Back up and Aries hits the running dropkick in the corner to Kage and a fisherman’s buster gets two. Aries tries a sunset flip but gets caught in a reverse piledriver (think Kaz’s Fade to Black) for two with Daivari making the save.

Daivari hits a top rope splash, complete with carpet, but Aries’ unnamed lackey puts his foot on the ropes. The same reverse piledriver from Kage is good for two on Daivari but with Kage goes to the floor to fight the lackey. Another lackey nails Daivari with the title, allowing Aries to hit the 450 for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. So yeah indy wrestling like this is usually dull and this was no exception. It looked like three guys imitating stuff they had seen in ECW (thank goodness it was without the weapons) and while I’ve seen FAR FAR worse, this was nothing all that special. Aries and Daivari would obviously get better but they were still nothing great here. I don’t think Kage ever went anywhere.

Aries would soon head to ROH and would challenge the longest reigning champion in the company’s history, Samoa Joe, at Final Battle 2004.

ROH World Title: Samoa Joe vs. Austin Aries

Aries won’t shake hands to start but charges into the corner at the bell and hammers away. Joe shrugs him off and sends Aries onto the mat for a figure four neck lock. That goes nowhere so we hit a headlock takeover until Aries gets to the ropes to avoid a series of forearms to the face. Austin can’t take him down with a headlock and shoulder blocks have about the same effect. He tries another should and Joe just slaps him in the face.

Instead Aries goes after the knee and takes him down with relative ease. Off to an STF as color commentator CM Punk snaps off the history of people trying knee work on Joe to no avail. Aries dropkicks the knee to put Joe down again and we get a Flair knee crusher, only to have Joe pop up for an enziguri. Joe goes to work in the corner with a string of chops followed by the Facewash.

Aries absorbs some knees to the head but can’t pick Joe up for the brainbuster. Instead he gets sent to the floor but avoids the suicide dive, only to slide back in and have his suicide dive hit Joe’s boot. Joe hits the Ole Kick against two different barricades before asking for a fan’s chair. The third Ole Kick misses though and Joe gets caught up on the barricade. Aries comes back with a running dropkick to take Joe down and the champion is in trouble.

Back in and Aries has to fight out of a choke, only to get caught in a powerslam for two. A hurricanrana out of a powerbomb gets two for Austin but he charges into the Island Driver (kind of a reverse White Noise) for two. Aries breaks up the Muscle Buster and hits the 450 for another near fall but Joe is too big to lift for the brainbuster.

Instead it’s a sunset flip but Joe rolls through, only to get caught in a Boston crab. That goes nowhere either but the crowd is entirely behind Austin now. Another brainbuster attempt goes nowhere and Joe is getting ticked off. Aries responds by just hitting him harder but Joe gets fired up. Another kick to the knee puts the champion down though and it’s the brainbuster into the 450 to give Aries the title.

Rating: B-. The story here worked much better than I was expecting with the knee work coming back to haunt Joe later. I also dug the idea of Aries trying different offenses with the leg and the brainbuster before finally combining them to take the title. It’s not a great match but I liked it better than I expected to.

Aries would hold the title for about six months before dropping it to CM Punk. He would team up with a bunch of other young guys as Generation Next (a team he was part of when he won the title) before heading into the upper midcard. That’s where he was for an ROH vs. Dragon Gate match at Final Battle 2006.

Matt Sydal/Shingo/CIMA vs. Delirious/Austin Aries/Roderick Strong

Sydal is more commonly known as Evan Bourne as I mentioned above. Shingo is from Dragon Gate and CIMA might be as well. His name is pronounced Shima so this could lead to some misspellings. Also, I’m not capitalizing his name again. It’s the same thing despite what some would have you believe. Delirious is….yeah.

Aries is the only two time ROH World Champion so he’s something special here. Strong is a guy with something like 16 ways to hit a backbreaker. This is under Dragon Gate Rules which aren’t explained. Strong, Aries and Sydal were in a team called Generation Next together.

Apparently you don’t have to tag to switch off but you have to be on offense. Ok that makes sense. Delirious goes into a trance and goes insane once the bell rings. He’s definitely interesting if nothing else. He’s great in the ring if nothing else. He starts with Sydal who I’ll likely call Bourne at least once. This is your usual insane Japanese match and apparently the fans like Cima.

There isn’t much to talk about here other than it’s just general insanity the whole time. This is what you call a spotfest with some mild wrestling involved. It’s not bad or anything, but it’s not comparable to traditional matches. It’s weird seeing Sydal being considered a serious competitor rather than a spot monkey or jobber.

The fans like both teams. Aries is getting beaten down pretty fiercely. I think the team with the Japanese guys and Sydal are the heels even though Daniels, Sydal’s partner, was ridiculously popular. Fisherman’s suplex gets two on Aries. Strong gets the tag and comes in and he and Delirious clean house.

Cima is getting his head handed to him. With everyone brawling on the floor, Sydal goes up top and the crowd just rises to their feet. Great visual there. Delirious hits Shadows Over Hell (Splash to the back of a guy not on the mat) is followed by a 450 from Aries. This is totally insane. Cobra Stretch, Delirious’ submission, is broken up. Cima hits a package piledriver on Delirious for the pin.

Rating: B. This falls into that gray arena of entertaining but bad as far as flow or anything like that goes. Then again that’s kind of the point of the Dragon Gate promotion. This was supposed to be completely insane and it more or less was. It was fun though so I can’t complain much at all.

Aries would head to TNA for a bit as Austin Starr, where he would take part in Kevin Nash’s X-Division competition called the Paparazzi Championship Series. To this day I still have no idea what the point of this thing was but it was entertaining and got a veteran involved with the X-Division so it did its job….whatever that was. From Lockdown 2007.

Austin Starr vs. Senshi

No backstory to this, because I don’t think TNA can explain it either. Bob Backlund, a focal point of the story, is guest referee. This went on for awhile and there was something about Kevin Nash holding a tournament which turned into a talent show and the X-Division Title was involved somehow. It made no sense and I don’t think they knew what was going on with it. I say that about a lot of stories, but this was one of the stranger ones ever.

Starr is Austin Aries who is from TV Land. See what I mean by this story making no sense? Backlund tries to keep things civil and Senshi takes over with his high impact stuff. Senshi chops him a lot Starr takes over with a back rake and suplex for two. STO sets up the pendulum elbow for two. Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab. Some more back work eats up a minute or two.

Senshi comes back with kicks to take over. Starr gets backdropped into the cage and a Capo kick gets two. Austin takes over again because guys of this style don’t particularly care for selling. He hits a powerbomb kind of move out of the corner and uses the ropes for two. Backlund gets shoved into the ropes to crotch Senshi who was setting for the Warrior’s Way. 450 gets two. Starr shoves Backlund and Bob shoves him into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was fine, but I just don’t care about these guys. I have no idea what the point of it was and like I said, I doubt TNA did either. This was basically any match with these two in it that you would pick out of a pile. There were some decent spots, but it came and went and I don’t care. Just not my taste at all.

It was soon back to ROH, including this match against Silas Young (billed from 21 Jump Street) on April 19, 2008.

Silas Young vs. Austin Aries

Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about Aries possibly joining the Age of the Fall. Both guys trade headscissors and takedowns until Aries knees him in the face to take over. They head outside with Aries still in control but he misses a missile dropkick to give Young an opening. Silas hammers away in the corner and counters a charging Aries with a gutbuster. Aries comes back with a series of knee strikes to the head and now the missile dropkick connects. The brainbuster is countered but Aries gets his knees up to block a splash. This time the brainbuster connects and the Last Chancery makes Young tap.

Rating: C-. Just a basic match here to open the show. Aries is a fast paced guy who can make a match like this work and Young was decent enough in his role to make the match work. At the end of the day though, there’s only so much you can do in a five minute match where the winner wasn’t really in doubt.

We’ll jump to 2009 as Aries is still a big deal in ROH and starting to gear up for another title push. He would try to get a bit closer at Eliminating the Competition in February 2009 against Sami Callihan.

Austin Aries vs. Sami Callihan

Before the match, Aries wants to know where his appreciation is. The fans should be thanking him for being here tonight because it took A-Double being added to a D level town like Danbury, Connecticut to make it a B level show. Aries makes fun of Callihan and offers a mocking handshake which Sami actually accepts. Callihan cranks on the arm to start but Aries takes over Sami’s arm to get control.

Now we go to amateur style with Sami easily riding Aries on the mat. Sami takes him down with a makeshift spinebuster before putting on what Luke Harper called the Gator Roll. Back up and Aries can’t suplex him but does knock Callihan to the floor with a knee to the back. We get a stump puller of all things from Aries followed by an STO and the Pendulum Elbow.

A Stroke gets two but Sami fights back with some kicks to the chest and a Diamond Cutter to a kneeling Aries. Back up again and Aries can’t hit the brainbuster before getting caught in a snap belly to belly suplex for two. A belly to back gets the same but Aries comes back with a running dropkick in the corner. The brainbuster connects a few seconds later for the pin on Sami.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t terrible with Sami being a guy I’ve always liked for some reason. Aries was just on fire at this point though and no one was going to have much of a chance against him. Callihan was trying out there and that’s all he needed to do in a match like this. I’m glad he eventually got into the WWE.

Aries would win the title in a few months and hold it for over half a year. One of his matches during this reign was a “dream” tag team match at Survival of the Fittest 2009.

Briscoes vs. Austin Aries/Davey Richards

So this is a dream tag team match. Richards is a tag team champion and Aries is world champion. The Briscoes are more or less tag team gods in ROH. Actually there’s no pretty much to that. Good night those are some awesomely bad sideburns. This is random but you have to remember that their TV show is taped about 6 weeks in advance in big long blocks of TV tapings.

So therefore, what’s going to happen in say early November has already been taped, so the outcomes are already known. Apparently in this taping cycle, Austin’s chant has switched from Austin Pervert to Austin censored, which he makes sure the crowd knows. That’s just funny to me for some reason.

Davey has a title shot that he can cash in but his tag partner is injured so he needed Aries to help him her. The deal is he won’t cash in tonight and he has a tag partner. Ok then. The Briscoes are named Mark and Jay mind you and Mark and Davey start us off. They spend a LONG time talking about Aries defending against Ruckus in Poland. I mean they go on for probably three minutes about it.

The announcers debate which team is better. Why would you even argue that? You have two guys that aren’t partners normally and brothers who have won more tag titles than anyone. Where’s the argument here? This is a rather slow paced match but it’s a slow build and not boring at all so I can’t complain there.

Apparently the Briscoes like to drink a lot. Good to know then. The odd thing about ROH is that in their I think 7 year existence, they’ve had one two time champion: Aries. That’s very odd when you think about it. He and Davey have a competition of throwing kicks on Jay. Not bad I guess.

And yep there’s your miscommunication as Richards misses an enziguri and Austin gets kicked in the head, allowing Jay to get the hot tag to Mark. They’re keeping it basic and there’s nothing wrong with that. With one match to go we have a match and a half left. That’s quite odd indeed.

The Briscoes crank it up by throwing off some double team stuff but the Doomsday Device doesn’t get to launch. Now we’re cranking up the speed and it’s getting better. Not that it was bad earlier but this is better. Mark and Davey do a brief strong style which works really well. I’m digging this in case you can’t tell. Aries accidently kicks Richards in the head and just walks out, allowing the Doomsday Device to connect for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was good but not great. I’ve never been a big fan of these kinds of matches but it certainly wasn’t that bad at all. The Briscoes are good but something tells me this wasn’t their best stuff. Aries and Richards seem pretty good but I didn’t get to see enough of Aries to really know. This was good but I wouldn’t call it a dream match.

Tyler Black would finally take the title from Aries at the 8th Anniversary Show. Aries would drop down the card a bit but was still a big deal. Here’s a match with him in his new role from Death Before Dishonor VIII.

Delirious vs. Austin Aries

Delirious is in his insane red tonight. Aries tried to injure Delirious and hurt his throat, setting this up. Again, simple booking can work best at times. The Express gets thrown out for the sake of a match. Mist is shot out almost immediately and Aries is in trouble. Who came up with that thing in the first place? It’s such a staple anymore that if you had trademarked it you would make a fortune.

Chokebomb by Delirious which is a rather cool move actually. Aries is still blind about 3 minutes in. Aries goes for a brainbuster on the referee, I guess just not noticing the shirt there. He gets some water in his eyes and now we’re ready to go. Out on the floor and Aries sets Delirious up for the Savage/Steamboat axe handle spot that set up their Mania 3 match and was also used to put Delirious out. This one of course misses though as we need to brawl more.

Hot shot gets two for Aries as he takes over. Cobra Clutch suplex gets two for Delirious as he hits it out of nowhere. He starts his comeback and lands like 5 sentons to the back of Aries. Cobra Clutch is countered and Delirious goes to the floor. Aries goes for a suicide dive and faceplants into the wall in a SICK looking bump. And here’s the Express for the CHEAP DQ! This feud is still going on today (well not today but when I wrote this it was) so you get the idea here.

Rating: C+. This was ok but the ending crippled it. Delirious is certainly different than most guys but in the ring I’ve never quite gotten the appeal of Aries. He’s good but I’ve never found him to be great at all. This was a decent match but the ending hurt it badly. The idea was supposed to be for Delirious to get his revenge and to this day he still hasn’t. I get stretching an angle out but this is a bit much.

Aries would head to TNA permanently in the summer of 2011 and immediately rise to the top of the X-Division. He would challenge for the title at No Surrender 2011.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Austin Aries

Kendrick is wearing a Genghis Khan head dress. I haven’t been incredibly impressed by Aries but I keep being told he’s the best in the world for some reason. They go to the mat quickly and that gets no one anything. They trade counters and Kendrick hooks a Fujiwara Armbar, making it the third match tonight where we’ve seen that submission. They speed it up a bit and Kendrick gets a headscissors to get a small advantage.

Aries is sent to the apron so he can chill a bit. Kendrick gets bored I guess and goes after him and back inside we go. Kendrick gets a kick to the head in and tries Sliced Bread but Aries heads for the outside. Brian rams him into the railing a few times and tries Sliced Bread out there which doesn’t work either. Aries gets a Russian Leg Sweep into the post to take over, getting two in the ring.

Back inside a pair of elbows gets two for Aries. There’s stump puller to really mix things up. A release STO sets up the classically stupid pendulum elbow which misses. Kendrick is sent into the corner face first but he manages to break up a running dropkick. Brian hits a bunch of dropkicks of his own to send Aries outside and we go back in again. There’s a missile dropkick for two.

Tornado DDT gets two. He tries Sliced Bread again but gets tossed over the top and out to the floor in a very nasty crash. Aries tries a suicide dive but Kendrick moves, sending Aries crashing into the barricade. They both barely beat the count back in and slug it out. Aries avoids a charge and Kendrick hits the floor AGAIN. What is that, 6 times already? Back in a running dropkick in the corner gets two.

Aries sets for the brainbuster but gets rolled up for two. Backslide gets two. Aries fires off a tornado forearm for two and an elevated DDT ala Orton for two. 450 misses but Aries rolls through. Kendrick grabs a tiger suplex for two. He tries sliced bread but the referee is in the corner. Aries kicks him in a place that isn’t nice to kick another man and the brainbuster ends this at 14:20 with a new champion.

Rating: B-. This was probably the best match of the night so far but it still was nothing to write home about, let alone half a page. They went outside so many times I lost count and the whole thing felt kind of boring. It wasn’t a bad match and was pretty good at times, but when you can bore a TNA crowd, you’re doing something special. To be fair this has been an incredibly unimpressive show so it’s not this match’s fault.

Aries would be allowed to cash in his title for a shot at the World Title, which he received at Destination X 2012.

TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode

Feeling out process to start without a lot of offense either way. After about a minute and twenty seconds they lock up and Roode grabs the arm. Aries grabs the arm to counter but gets run over. They’re still in slow mode and that’s fine. A rolling cradle gets two for Aries and he hooks an STF. They hit the mat and Roode slaps him in the back of his head a few times. Now Aries takes him down to the mat and hits a slingshot tope for two.

Roode hooks a headscissors on the mat which is quickly broken up and they head outside. Aries hits a top rope ax handle to the floor but his missile dropkick misses back inside and Roode takes over. Roode hooks a chinlock but a knee drop misses. Aries fires off with kicks and tries the Last Chancery but it doesn’t go on right. Roode goes to the floor but avoids the suicide dive, sending Aries into the barricade.

Roode hooks a bodyscissors back in the ring followed by a hard whip into the corner. He talks a lot of trash to the downed Aries and hits a combination F5/Samoan Drop for two. Off to a body vice on the mat and Aries is cut on the nose. Aries makes a comeback and fires off forearms and chops in the corner. They slug it out and a discus forearm puts Roode down. A clothesline puts Roode on the floor and there’s the suicide dive which connects this time.

This time the missile dropkick hits as well but Aries charges into a powerslam out of the corner. Aries comes back again and tries the Last Chancery again, but Roode is pretty bad at selling it. Roode counters into a Crossface but Aries counters right back into the Chancery. Aries gets in another shot to the head and goes up for the 450, but Roode moves. Aries rolls through it anyway but walks into the spinebuster for two.

The champion sends him shoulder first into the post and goes back to the Crossface. That stays on for a long time but Aries makes the rope. Roode is frustrated now so he grabs the belt, only to have it taken away by the referee. That allows the champ to hit a low blow for two. Roode argues with the referee and gets shoved into the corner, allowing Aries to hit the corner dropkick.

Aries tries the brainbuster but Roode escapes and the ref is bumped. Roode hits a belt shot for a VERY close two. The fisherman’s suplex is countered into a small package for two and Aries punts Roode in the head. He grabs the brainbuster out of nowhere for the pin and the title in a huge shocker.

Rating: B+. Another good match to close the show here, but the point of this was in the surprise. This felt like a big moment and it was the right call to pull the trigger here. This show was designed around the X-Division and having the longest reigning champion win the world title here was the right way to make the X Title look like it can be something comparable to the world title. Good match too.

Aries would hold the title for several months and was champion coming into Bound For Glory 2012 where he would defend against the winner of the Bound For Glory Series.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

The fans are pretty much split which isn’t what they were hoping for I don’t think. We start with a long feeling out process and we have roughly half an hour for this. They head to the mat and Hardy actually keeps up with the champ (Aries is defending if I didn’t mention that) until they head to the corner for the slingshot dropkick. Aries comes back and puts Hardy on the apron for a slingshot ax handle. He takes a victory lap and then one in reverse.

Back in and Hardy gets two off a suplex. They’re still in first gear here and that’s fine. Jeff knocks Aries to the floor and mocks Aries. The fans don’t seem pleased with Jeff so he jumps off the apron with an ax handle of his own. Jeff charges at Aries but Hardy crashes into the barricade and hits Aries at the same time. Back in and Aries gets two off a top rope splash. Aries charges into a boot in the corner and the crowd is probably 80% pro Aries.

A backbreaker gets two for the champ and it’s off to an abdominal stretch on the mat. Aries takes him down again and hits a corkscrew plancha for two. Hardy blocks the Last Chancery and hits something Big Show used to call the Alley Oop. He sets for a powerbomb but throws Aries backwards instead of forwards. Show’s was a bit slower but it’s the same move. Hardy makes his comeback and hits the low dropkick for two.

Whisper in the Wind gets two and the fans have quieted down a bit. Twist of Fate is countered and Aries is knocked to the floor. Hardy misses a slingshot and there’s the suicide dive to drive Jeff into the barricade. Another dive takes Hardy out again with this one getting two in the ring. Aries is busted but nowhere near what Storm was earlier. There’s the Last Chancery but Jeff escapes quickly.

They head to the ramp and Jeff can’t hit the Twist, but rather gets clotheslined into the ropes. Aries drops him on his head, sending the back of Jeff’s head into the edge of the ramp. And people wonder why he’s a drug addict. A missile dropkick sends Jeff into the corner but he comes out with the Twist for two. Jeff loads up the Swanton but gets crotched and super ranaed down from a double standing position. That looked awesome. Corner dropkick sets up the Brainbuster for two and Aries is STUNNED. Aries puts Jeff on top but gets knocked off and the Swanton gives Jeff the title at 23:04.

Rating: B+. This was a good main event but after the Aces and 8’s stuff, this came off a bit flat. Also, TNA REALLY needs to mix up their main event styles. The kicking out of finishers and then the pin soon thereafter can only take you so far and they’ve done it for years now. Watch a few TNA PPV main events and the formulas are almost always the same. Hardy winning is the right choice but it doesn’t feel like a huge moment at all for the most part. Still though, a quite good match.

After dropping the World Title, Aries would join forces with Bobby Roode to try and take over TNA. Their first goal was the Tag Team Titles, for which they challenged on February 7, 2013.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

The Texans are defending and dear goodness please let the titles change tonight. Chavo and Roode start things off with the champion taking over with some headscissors to start. Aries comes in but runs into Hernandez who scares him away. SuperMex puts Aries on the top rope so Austin cartwheels away. Roode tells a posing Aries to turn around and there’s the delayed vertical, but Roode makes the save.

A double suplex with Chavo helping out puts the challengers down and there’s a slingshot hilo onto Aries. Roode pulls Chavo to the floor but the suicide dive misses, sending Bobby into the barricade. We take a break and come back with Roode breaking up a cover by Hernandez. Chavo chops away on Aries in the corner and it’s back to Hernandez. A running splash gets two for Hernandez and here’s Guerrero ago.

Roode finally cheats a bit and hits Chavo in the back so Aries can hit a discus forearm to take down Chavo and give the heels control. Tazz, now part of a team, goes on a rant about how much being in a tag team sucks before talking about how much he loves Aces and 8’s. Off to Roode again for a chinlock as Tazz talks about sitting on a boil. Ok then. A top rope double ax hits Chavo on the floor and gets two for Austin back inside.

We hit a LONG chinlock by Roode before Aries comes in with some cheating. Chavo fights up and it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Hernandez who cleans house, only to have Roode pull his own partner into the slingshout shoulder from Hernandez. SuperMex destroys Roode but Aries escapes Three Amigos. The heels are rammed together and Roode walks out, only to return as Aries hits Hernandez low. The spinebuster to Chavo sets up the 450 from Aries for the pin and the titles at 17:29.

Rating: B. I don’t like the challengers but this was a very solid tag match. If nothing else these two will actually be interesting instead of just sitting around doing nothing at all. This had a long heel in peril segment which you hardly ever see anymore. Good match here and nice to see a LONG TV match that means something.

While not an important set of shows, the One Night Only series had some solid matches. Aries participated in a tournament to determine the greatest World Champion of them all.

Tournament of Champions Quarter-Finals: Kurt Angle vs. Austin Aries

Angle is very passive to start and lets Aries dance around for a bit. Aries tries basic stuff like headlocks and wristlocks but Angle just smiles and doesn’t move at all, so Aries goes and lays on the top rope. Aries even offers to get down on the mat amateur style but Angle laughs him off. Instead Austin makes the referee get down on all fours as a demonstration of what he wants Angle to do.

Aries gets down again but this time Angle kicks him in the ribs to really get things going. Angle pounds away in the corner and we get a Flair Flop from Austin. A suplex gets two for Kurt but Aries kicks him low to block a German. Angle comes back with right hands to knock Aries through the ropes but Austin’s feet hang onto the top rope to keep him off the floor. He still manages to pull Angle to the outside and drops a top rope ax handle to take over again.

Back in and Aries hits some lame forearms to the back before mocking Angle’s lowering of the straps. From his back, Angle easily kicks him through the ropes to the floor before launching him back in from the apron. Aries flips out of the German suplex and puts on the Last Chancery.

That doesn’t last long as always so it’s off to a front facelock, only to have Angle grab the ankle lock. Austin kicks away again but gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. They fight for a suplex with Aries on the apron but he snaps Kurt’s throat on the top rope to take over. Angle avoids a missile dropkick but his Angle Slam is countered into a rollup for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. Yeah Angle vs. Aries was just a C+ match. I’m a bit surprised as well, but what in the world can you expect when the match has about ten minutes and the first few are spent on comedy? This is the kind of pairing that could tear the house down with twenty five minutes but here they’re stuck in a relatively quick match because we need to spend so much time on video packages.

We’ll move on since Aries would lose to Samoa Joe in the semi-finals. Our final match will be Aries going back to his roots and challenging for the X-Division Title at Genesis 2014.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending and Velvet is in a small cage at ringside, complete with a bag containing the gifts. Feeling out process to start until Aries grabs a quick Last Chancery. Sabin is thrown to the floor but jumps back onto the apron to crotch Aries in the corner. Aries gets caught in the Tree of Woe for a baseball slide but avoids being thrown to the floor.

He comes back with elbows to the head and a Lionsault for two. A discus forearm sets up the running dropkick in the corner but Sabin counters the brainbuster. Sabin heads to the floor and gets the bag from Velvet but it just has the bear. Aries gets in an ax handle from the apron followed by a missile dropkick. The brainbuster gives Aries the title at 5:10.

Rating: C-. I’m having a really hard time caring about these matches when I don’t think all three have combined to go twenty minutes. These are all just meaningless title changes and the belt hasn’t grown at all as a result. I believe this puts Aries at four title reigns and it doesn’t make him a bigger star at all.

Aries is a guy that I find overrated by a lot of the fans but there’s no arguing that he’s an incredibly talented wrestler and one of the best in TNA at the moment. His surprise win over Bobby Roode at Destination X 2012 was a great surprise and something that felt completely deserved. He’s certainly grown on me and was very entertaining at the TNA show I went to last year. The problem with him is the same that has plagued so many wrestlers: what does he do now in TNA? The answer is probably not much as he just doesn’t have a lot left to accomplish.

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Impact Wrestling – May 1, 2014: Someone Give TNA A Speeding Ticket

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 1, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Sacrifice was this past Sunday and not a lot has changed. Given the card though, that’s not really a big surprise. The next PPV is in June which sounds far better than having it May when TNA won’t be ready for another show. Other than that there really isn’t anything set up as Young is still champion and beat Magnus clean, meaning he needs a new challenger. Let’s get to it.

 

We open with Bully Ray spray painting something on a table.

Eric Young talks about how real it is that he’s still champion and goes into MVP’s office. The boss congratulates him on his win and says Eric can prove his worth every week. That’s cool with Eric so here are Gunner, Mr. Anderson and Bobby Roode. They’ll draw cards from a deck. The lower two cards will face off and the winner faces the high card, with the winner of that getting a World Title shot. Anderson and Gunner tie while Roode gets an ace, meaning it’s Anderson vs. Gunner first and the winner faces Roode for the title shot. This is all tonight apparently.

Here’s Magnus with something to say. He isn’t cool with not being in the World Title competition tonight and demands that MVP come out here and explain that decision. Instead he gets Abyss through the crowd. The brawl is on and Abyss lays Magnus out with a chokeslam. He pulls out a chair as the fans want Janice. They get what they want but Magnus bails. The announcers play up the idea that Abyss may not have a contract, despite him getting a World Title shot two weeks ago.

Here’s Ray with a table and holding his ribs. He holds the table up and it says DIXIE. Ray says he might not be as big and fat as he used to be but he can promise one thing: if he sees Dixie in this building tonight, she’s going through that table.

Dixie arrives and has nothing to say.

In the back Spud tried to hide Dixie but she’s not afraid.

Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner

Winner faces Roode later tonight for a title shot. Feeling out process to start as they trade some headlocks. Gunner’s advantage doesn’t last long as Anderson shoves him off and puts on a headlock of his own. A hammerlock doesn’t work all that well for Mr. either so he hooks another headlock. Gunner catches a charging Anderson in a fall away slam but James Storm interferes because the feud isn’t over yet. Storm gets knocked to the floor before accidentally kicking Anderson in the back of the head, allowing Gunner to hit an F5 for the pin at 3:47.

Rating: C-. This was a lot of stalling before the finish, but hopefully this transitions to Anderson vs. Storm, because Gunner vs. Storm has been dead and buried for well over a month. I also like that they making the transition naturally instead of just shoving it down our throats because the script calls for it.

Magnus comes in to see someone who looks like former NXT talent Kenneth Cameron. Back from a break and that’s who it seems to be, though he’s going by Bram here. They seem to know each other and Bram wants Magnus to get back to his roots. A fight nearly breaks out but Bram says he’s here for Magnus’ own good.

Ethan Carter III is in the ring and says he’s facing Kurt Angle in the ring next week. Fans: “WHERE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND???” Tonight Ethan is going to have an exhibition with Rockstar Spud. They grapple around for a bit with Ethan of course getting the better of it. Ethan tells Spud to assume the position so Spud gets on all fours. Carter: “That’s a little too much position.” This brings out Angle who says that was stupid. Next week Carter will be facing a new Kurt Angle. It’s one that’s out for blood and revenge because Carter has ticked him off. Next week, the undefeated streak ends.

We see Rebel and Knux’s segment from Sunday, saying they’ll be here with two of their friends named The Freak and Crazy Steve next week.

Bobby Roode vs. Gunner

Winner faces Young tonight for the World Title. Roode takes him down into the corner and stomps away to start but Gunner fights back with power and a backdrop for two. Roode sends him out to the floor and into the steps as he takes over. Back in and Gunner charges into an elbow in the corner and we hit a double arm crank.

A dropkick to the ribs puts Gunner down again but he comes back with ax handles to the chest. Gunner hits a running knee to the chest and loads up the F5, only to be raked in the eyes. Roode’s O’Connor Roll is blocked and Gunner grabs a DDT for two. The Roode Bomb is countered and Gunner hits a slingshot suplex, only to walk into the Roode Bomb for the pin at 6:00.

Rating: C-. The time hurt it here but more than that it’s a waste of a story. This could have been the second week of a competition to set up Young’s challenger but this is TNA so we have to do everything at a million miles an hour while making sure Dixie Carter gets to be on TV every week. It’s rather annoying but it’s the way things work here.

The Beautiful People get a letter saying their clothes are inappropriate. Angelina’s solution: put on evening gowns and strip them off.

Here’s Dixie with security to set up the table with her name on it in the ring. She brags about putting Ray through a table and injuring his ribs in the process. Ray needs to be afraid of Dixie, but here’s the Bully to disagree. The fans want to see her go through a table and Ray likes the idea as well. He tells security to get out of his way because they all want to see her go through a table. They actually listen, only leaving three guards for Dixie. Ray charges the ring and throws them all off before loading up the powerbomb. This brings out MVP, who says both of them are suspended from the Impact Zone for this. Ok then.

Willow vs. James Storm

Storm hammers away to start but Willow escapes the Eye of the Storm and hits a few dropkicks to take over. A mule kick sends Storm into the corner and a cartwheel into a right hand to the jaw drops him down. There’s the slingshot dropkick followed by a Twisting Stunner to send Storm outside. Willow slides through the ropes and drops an elbow to the ribs in a nice move. Storm is stood up next to the barricade for Poetry in Motion off the steps. Willow gets a chair but misses a running Fameasser onto the steps with it to put him down on the floor. Storm pulls out the beer bottle and shoves the referee for the DQ at 4:03.

Rating: D+. This was setting up stuff for the future it seems, which is fine given that they’re coming off of a PPV. Still though, it’s not the most interesting stuff in the world. Willow is only so interesting after they keep shouting that it’s Jeff Hardy week after week, but it’s better than the same guy every week.

Post match Willow hits Storm with the umbrella and stalks him up the ramp, right into a Mic Check from Anderson.

The Bro Mans and Zema blame MVP for losing their titles so he uts them in a six man tag against the Wolves and a surprise partner. The three of them leave and Ray comes in to yell at MVP. He says he gave MVP the job at Lockdown but MVP shouts him down and suggests that Ray do something outside of the arena.

Eric Young says there’s history between him and Roode, but he knows Roode better than anyone.

Zema Ion/Bro Mans vs. Wolves/Sanada

It’s a brawl to start with the Wolves LAUNCHING Ion over the top onto the Bro Mans. They howl, setting up a double suicide dive followed by a plancha from Sanada to take out Zema. Back inside and Robbie’s chops have no effect on anyone as he’s left all alone. Jesse and Ion get back up to take Eddie down as the heels get their first advantage. Edwards nips back up though and enziguris Ion down.

The Bro Mans are sent to the floor again and it’s hot tag to Richards to clean house. Ion is thrown into the air for a kick to the ribs as Tenay announces Bro Mans vs. Wolves for the titles next week in a ladder match. The Bro Mans come back in to break up a cover but it’s a tag off to Sanada as Ion is left alone 3-1. All three good guys go up top, setting up the stomp from Edwards, a moonsault from Sanada and another stomp from Richards for the pin at 3:39.

Rating: C. Now THAT was a squash. I’m not sure what it sets up for the future as Ion got destroyed and Richards beat up the Bro Mans on his own, but at least it was entertaining at the moment. To be fair though, I don’t think TNA knows how to think more than a week in advance anyway so it’s not right to criticize them for it.

Here are the Beautiful People in evening gowns with Angelina saying they’re going to take it all off. They start but stop almost immediately because the people don’t deserve it. This brings out Gail Kim who says they’re making a mockery of the division. She’s going to make sure the Beautiful People get stripped and the attack is on. Velvet bails and Angelina escapes a few seconds later. Gail gets the belt as Madison Rayne and Brittany sneak up and rip the gowns off the Beautiful People.

TNA World Title: Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode

Roode gets a jobber entrance. Feeling out process to start with Young grabbing an armdrag into an armbar. A dropkick staggers Roode and we take our last break. Back with Roode sending him over the top and out to the floor before a whip sends him into the steps. Roode throws him back in and puts on a seated full nelson. Eric fights back up and takes out a cameraman by mistake before nailing a belly to belly.

Roode bails to the floor and gets taken down by a suicide dive. Back in and Bobby grabs a quick spinebuster for two before the piledriver gets the same for Young. The Roode Bomb gets two as well and they slug it out with the champion taking over. Roode nails an enziguri but can’t hit a Roode Bomb out of the corner. Instead Eric shoves him to the mat and hits the top rope elbow for the pin at 13:23.

Rating: C. Eric getting clean wins over former world champions is a good idea for him with the emphasis on the word clean. I was sick of seeing those title matches with seven or eight people running in and it’s so nice to see a decent wrestling match to close out the show for the title. Not a great match and it should have been given more build, but this worked well enough.

Ray is in the back and says he’s going to Nashville.

Overall Rating: C-. The show set up some interesting stuff for the future, but at the same time all of the old problems were present. First and foremost, TNA feels the need to go through everything they can as fast as they can without letting their stories grow. The Roode vs. Young match could have been interesting but instead they decided to set it up with two matches and do the title match in the span of two hours. How is that supposed to draw an audience when the thing is over by the time they hear about it?

Ray vs. Dixie doesn’t do anything for me as I can’t imagine we’ll ever see the payoff of Dixie going through a table, unless they pull a surprise in New York. The rest of the feuds weren’t bad, but I have a bad feeling they’re just setting up another set of three month feuds that go on WAY too long and wear out their welcome. TNA needs to find a neutral pace and stick with it because this is getting old fast.

Results
Gunner b. Mr. Anderson – F5
Bobby Roode b. Gunner – Roode Bomb
Willow b. James Storm via DQ when Storm shoved the referee
Wolves/Sanada b. Bro Mans/Zema Ion – Top rope double stomp to Ion
Eric Young b. Bobby Roode – Top rope elbow

 

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Wrestler of the Day – April 2: Lita

It’s my grandmother’s birthday so here’s a fellow beautiful woman: Lita.

Lita would debut in ECW in 1999 as a valet who got physical at times. She would be in the WWF a year later as Essa Rios’ hot manager. This wouldn’t last long as they would break up and Lita would become a singles wrestler. She would get a title shot at the Women’s Title on Raw on August 21, 2000.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Stephanie McMahon

Yeah this was that dark time where Stephanie was champion as a side effect of the awesome HHH run. Rock is guest referee as part of his war with Trips as well. Lita easily takes her down and hammers away before popping the champ in the corner with forearms. A hurricanrana gets two but Stephanie’s friend Kurt Angle distracts Rock so HHH can trip Lita up.

The Hardys run out for a save and hammer on HHH as Stephanie fires off some lame foreams and a nice DDT for two. Lita comes right back with another hurricanrana but Angle breaks up the Litasault. The Hardys brawl with Angle/HHH until Rock pulls Angle and the title belt into the ring. Angle gets laid out but HHH jumps Rock from behind. Kurt nails HHH by mistake and it’s a Rock Bottom for the Olympian. Stephanie tries a cheap shot and gets a Rock Bottom of her own, setting up the Litasault for the pin and Lita’s first title.

Rating: D+. THis was almost all about the men fighting on the floor which was far more interesting than the girls.  Stephanie was basically the Honky Tonk Man of the Women’s Title as the whole reign was there so someone could save the title and become a big star.  That’s exactly what Lita did and she never looked back.

The trio was getting big around this time and would be brought in to OVW for a six person tag at Christmas Chaos 2001.

Hardy Boys/Lita vs. Disciples of Sinn/Sinn

Sinn is the female manager of Payne and Damien, the OVW tag champions at the time. Hardys are over as all goodness. The Disciples were a big deal in OVW but never went anywhere. Their stable mate is Leviathan as I mentioned earlier but he’s not here for this one. The main thing people want to see here is Lita more or less kill Sinn.

Matt and Damien start us off. Apparently Damien hears voices. Payne is apparently the new member of the team. They’re tagging in very fast. Sinn comes in to slap Matt and gets caught in there against the fat man himself. Off to Lita but Sinn runs away to bring in Damien. Lita tags in both Hardys and the referee seems cool with it. They destroy the Disciples and it’s off to Jeff now.

Very fast paced stuff so far which is weird for the Disciples as they’re pretty decent sized guys. Payne gets a big clothesline to Jeff to take over. Spinebuster gets two for Payne on Jeff. A pretty bad powerslam by Damien gets two. Oh wait that’s Payne. They look a bit alike and the lighting makes it impossible to tell which is which.

Matt acts kind of stupid as he comes in and Jeff gets double teamed. Granted it’s not as stupid as the referee who lets the Disciples switch without tagging twice in a row. Well I guess that puts them back to even. Chinlock has Jeff in trouble. Cornette talks about how much the cheers mean to Jeff. I guess he hasn’t been watching his TNA lately.

Jeff finally gets the tag to bring in Matt and the beating is on. Everyone comes in again and it’s a double clothesline to put Matt and both Disciples down. Sinn tags herself in and so does Lita. Lita takes down Damien because she’s more awesome than everyone else in there. Sinn takes over for a bit but Lita slams her off the top and gets a spear.

Moonsault hits but everyone comes in and it’s a big brawl. Payne hits a Sky High on Lita and Sinn is the only one left. It’s table time now but Jeff saves. Double DDT by Matt and Lita. Jeff throws out a Swanton on the chick through the table. The pin is academic and the pop is pretty solid.

Rating: B-. It’s probably not that good but I’m kind of feeling sorry for this show as the matches haven’t been that good at all. Still though this wasn’t too bad and the Hardys helped it a lot. The point here was for Sinn to get beaten down and that’s exactly what happened. Fun little six person match which worked fine.

Around this time, Chyna won the Women’s Title at Wrestlemania X7 and dominated the division for months with only Lita left standing in her way. This is the showdown from Judgment Day 2001.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Lita

Lita is insanely over here. And here’s Chyna looking like a freaking peacock. That’s JR’s term, not mine. They hug before the match as I guess Lita is ok with Chyna being a witch to her and not seeming to take this seriously at all. This is power vs. speed here and both use their own better attribute to take over for a bit. Lita tries to help Chyna up and gets rolled up for two. Ok so she’s hot but not incredibly smart. Got it.

Chyna overpowers the match with ease to start but Lita gets a DDT for two. She finally wakes up and hammers away on Chyna. Middle rope clothesline gets two. Lita goes for the arm as this is getting sloppy. The fans are still in it though so they have that at least. Swinging neckbreaker by Chyna sets up a powerslam for two.

Lita channels her inner Alberto by hooking up a rolling cross armbreaker and Chyna is in real trouble all of a sudden. Chyna reverses into a headscissors and here’s Eddie for no apparent reason. She tries a powerbomb but Lita reverses into a horrible looking rana for two. And then a powerbomb by Chyna ends this clean. Nothing from Eddie other than standing there and Chyna more or less didn’t break a sweat.

Rating: D. This was supposed to be the big showdown? Chyna destroyed Lita here and made her look like a joke. This was Chyna’s last match in the company as she was taken off TV and the title was held up. She held the title until November anyway so there simply were no title matches for about six months. In short, Chyna destroyed the division and it took Trish and Lita to bring it back to whatever it was. Oh and this match was awful.

It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t get in a Team Extreme match. From September 10, 2001 on Raw.

Hardy Boyz/Lita vs. Hurricane/Lance Storm/Ivory

Hurricane vs. Matt to get us going and there’s a loud Lita chant. The Hardys double team both men and it’s off to Storm vs. Jeff. Hurricane sneaks in and hooks a neckbreaker for two and it’s back to Lance. The Alliance team double teams Jeff and Ivory gets in a slap as well. Dropkick gets two for Storm.

Hurricane puts the cape on for a second for a clothesline then has Ivory take it back off. Matt gets in but Storm hits an enziguri while Matt is on the middle rope. Jeff knocks him to the floor and hits a dive to take out Storm. Back in the ring the girls come in and Lita beats up Ivory before snapping off a rana on Hurricane. Matt hits the Twist on Ivory and the Litasault gets the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it was always good to see Lita. Ivory’s looks are underrated as well. The guys’ feuds didn’t go anywhere anytime soon as the Hardys were thrown back into a feud with the Dudleys because we hadn’t seen that recently enough. The match was nothing special though.

Lita would get a title shot at Wrestlemania X8 but come up short. The next night however she would face her biggest rival in a match.

Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish looks great as always. Lita goes right after her to start and the fight is on quickly. A clothesline puts the redhead down but she suplexes Trish down a few seconds later. Lita scores with a headscissors but Trish comes right back with a Chick Kick. Stratusfaction is shoved off and the moonsault gets Lita the pin in barely 90 seconds.

Lita was becoming a big star around this time and landed a guest starring role on the FOX series Dark Angel. Unfortunately she would do a hurricanrana on the show and slip, landing on the back of her head and breaking her neck. That put her out of action for about a year and a half until she came back for a tag match at Unforgiven 2003.

Molly Holly/Gail Kim vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

This feud is more or less about Molly and Gail being jealous of Lita and Trish being insanely popular. Standard stuff to put it mildly. Molly is Women’s Champion here and is actually looking good. Lita was out for almost a year because of a broken neck and now wears khaki shorts. Yep she’s gorgeous. The non-famous girls jump them early and that doesn’t work at all.

This is Lita’s return match. Oh seriously who do you expect to win this? You have two girls that are about as middle of the road as possible and the first two women to main event Raw. Lita and Gail are the actual starters and Lita nips up as we hear about King having a vasectomy. Molly hooks a Dragon Sleeper on Trish which works about as well as you would expect it to. Gail is gorgeous. That’s all there is to it.

Now Gail does a Dragon Sleeper. Trish walks up the turnbuckles and backflips into a reverse DDT. FREAKING SWEET. Molly looks good as a brunette and in blue. Trish manages to beat up both girls on her own since Lita is bleeding from the mouth. Lita gets the mostly warm but partly cloudy with a 30% chance of showers tag. Trish knocks Gail to the floor and Lita hits the moonsault to get the win which was about as predictable as you could expect.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what you would expect here. Lita was indeed a huge deal as she and Trish were just flat out awesome around this point but the injury took her out for over a year. This was nothing more than a welcome home match and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: announce that Lita is still awesome.

The end of 2003 and most of 2004 didn’t see much action for Lita, but she would get into a four way for the Women’s Title at Bad Blood 2004.

Women’s Title: Trish vs. Lita vs. Gail Kim vs. Victoria

All four are too hot for words with Trish somehow possibly being the fourth best looking at the moment. Victoria is champion here. Trish vs. Lita never gets old especially when later this year they main evented Raw. That’s saying a lot and I don’t mean it was the last match and then there was a big angle to end the show.

I mean Trish vs. Lita for the title was the last thing you saw to end the show and it was built up all night. It was a very cool moment and I completely bought into it. Gail gets an AWESOME hold on Victoria. More or less it’s a headscissors combined with a crossface combined with an armbar but cooler than it sounds. Lita and Victoria botch something and we have no Trish for a long time, signaling that she’ll be winning. Yep there she is to roll up Lita for the title out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. They all looked hot. Other than that it was just your run of the mill Divas match but with four girls that could actually work which is the best case scenario.

Soon after this, Lita would sleep with Kane to save Matt Hardy, getting pregnant in the process. Around this same time, Trish Stratus would start insulting Lita for being, shall we say, loose, but Lita couldn’t fight back due to her pregnancy. Thankfully (ish), she would lose her baby a few months later. This freed her up to face Stratus in the main event of Raw on December 6, 2004. I don’t mean it was the last match and then the real ending happened. I mean all night long Trish Stratus defending the Women’s Title against Lita was hyped up and then closed the show.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Even in a faceguard with what looks like masking tape over her face, Trish is gorgeous. How is that possible? Lita’s song is great too. 2004 had some awesome theme music. They lockup and go to the floor quickly. Lita takes over with a leg sweep for two. Remember that she’s the hometown girl. They go to the floor again and Lita tries a suicide dive and Lita lands ON HER HEAD, jacking her neck back in a landing that made my jaw drop and be stunned she isn’t dead. I mean she landed on her face and her feet hit her in the back of the head. The referee immediately checks on her and the crowd goes quiet.

The match keeps going as I guess she’s alive somehow. Trish takes the noseguard off and pops Lita in the face with it which isn’t a DQ somehow. Lita fights out of a choke and throws on a sleeper but gets countered into a seated full nelson. Trish goes up but gets caught in a superplex to put both girls down. Back up and the Chick Kick gets two. Trish pounds away in the corner and gets powerbombed to set up the moonsault but Trish breaks it up. Rollup gets two and Trish grabs a DDT for two. Stratusfaction is broken up and there’s a reverse Twist of Fate. The moonsault gives Lita her second title.

Rating: B. Considering that neck shot, WOW Lita was impressive here. At the end of the day, this was a solid match and they made it feel like a big moment. This was Lita’s second title, but she hadn’t won it in over four years so it’s not like this was something that happened every day. Trish would win it back in less than a month and hold it until Wrestlemania. As in the Wrestlemania the year after she won it, giving her a reign of about 15 months.

Here’s the rematch from New Year’s Revolution 2005.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

How many times did these two fight, about a million? Ross calls it a tag title for no apparent reason. I love her theme song actually. Trish’s cleavage is big enough to hide a small country in. They fight for a bit before Trish goes to the floor. Lita goes to the apron and throws a Thesz Press at Trish, and rips HER knee to shreds.

Literally, two matches and two torn knees. She would be out for a few months also as she ripped her ACL. They actually continue the match though for about another three minutes before Lita just has nothing left and the Chick Kick gives Trish another title.

Rating: N/A. Not fair to grade them on this at all. As for a grade, I’d go with DD. That’s of course for Dogma and Dreams, which was my textbook in my political theory class. What did you think it was for?

That would be her last match for over a year as Lita would tear her knee to shreds and be out for the rest of 2005. She would return in early 2006 and chase the title for awhile longer before getting a shot at the vacant title after Trish retired as champion at Unforgiven. From Cyber Sunday 2006.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Lita

Trish retired so we had a four Diva tournament to set this up. Lita is about a month from retiring at this point so she’s more or less destined to win. Mickie throws the absolute worst dropkick anyone with a great rack has ever thrown. This is horrible but at least we get to look at Mickie’s figure. Lita as a heel just doesn’t work from an in ring perspective. She hooks on a sleeper that does fairly well.

Not that it wins or anything since it’s a freaking sleeper but nice try if nothing else. Instead of a match here, Lita seems like she’s just there doing moves on Mickie with no particular rhyme or reason. The girls do their thing of course and nothing of note is going on here at all. Lita blocks/Mickie botches the Stratusfaction and Mickie gets a rollup for two. The other Divas get involved and a spike DDT ends it for Lita.

Rating: D. This was very boring for the most part. The only highlights were Mickie’s hips and Lita’s chest. Other than that we were just sitting around watching this nonsense go on and on. The match never went anywhere as it’s clear Lita just didn’t care anymore. Mickie would win the title from Lita at Survivor Series in Lita’s retirement match.

Lita would retire after Survivor Series and go off to do whatever she did after leaving wrestling, including performing in a band. Nearly six years later, Heath Slater started bragging about being able to beat a bunch of legends. This led to an open challenge at Raw 1000.

Heath Slater vs. Lita

WOW. Lita still looks great too. Slater laughs this off but then accepts her challenge. The bell rings but Lita says she hired herself some protection. Cue the APA and Slater PANICS. Slater immediately runs but backs into every legend he’s fought in the last few weeks. They chase him back into the ring and the Twist of Fate sets up the Clothesline which sets up the Litasault (looked perfect) for the pin at 1:54.

Lita is one of the few women that was just awesome no matter when she was around. She was the high flying Diva that we hadn’t seen before and had that whole bad girl thing going with it. The injuries stopped her career cold multiple times though and cut her in ring time very short more than once. When you consider she got to the WWF in 2000 and retired at Survivor Series 2006 and factor out over two years due to injuries, she was only active in the company for four years. I doubt most people realize that. Anyway she was awesome when she was out there though and it never stopped working, much like those low riding pants.

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Sacrifice 2014: Even The Women Have Beards

Sacrifice 2014
Date: April 27, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

This is one of TNA’s rare PPVs and it’s actually coming on the heels of another. That being said, there’s not a ton of interesting stuff happening in TNA at the moment. The big stories are Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode in a tables match and Eric Young vs. Magnus II for the World Title, which isn’t doing much for me as a main event feud. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is narrated by Eric Young and talks about how Eric isn’t the typical champion and how he’s doing all of this for the people. Magnus says he’s above Eric and the people and was born to be a champion. TNA actually claiming this isn’t taken from Daniel Bryan makes me chuckle.

Tag Team Titles: Bro Mans/Zema Ion vs. Wolves

It’s three on two with the Bro Mans/Zema defending. They’ve cheated time after time to keep the titles using help from whichever member wasn’t in the match at the time so tonight everyone is in the match at the same time. Before the match Eddie gets on the mic and asks Christy to read something. It’s a note from MVP saying this is now No DQ.

The Wolves clean house to start and low bridge the champions to the floor before LAUNCHING Ion over the top to the floor. Stereo dives take the Bro Mans out again before the Wolves take turns mauling Zema with whatever painful looking strikes they can think of. Ion finally gets in a shot with his laptop to put Eddie down and the champions take over. Davey is dropped throat first onto the barricade as we finally get down to one on one.

Jesse gets two on Edwards off a powerslam before Robbie comes in to choke with some tape. Off to Ion who gets slapped in the face but comes back with a hard elbow to keep Eddie in trouble. Back to Robbie for a chinlock before the champions start double teaming Edwards. A nice dropkick from Jesse gets two but he gets caught in a belly to back suplex. The numbers game keeps the champions in control though as Ion pulls Richards off the apron and prevents a tag.

Back in and Eddie takes both Bro Mans down with a double hurricanrana before the hot tag brings in Richards. Davey cleans house and throws Robbie into Zema for a front facelock (as in Ion has Robbie in the hold) before dropkicking Ion down, forcing him to DDT Robbie at the same time. That was so contrived looking I can’t begin to comprehend it. The Wolves dominate the champions and hit the double double stomp on Jesse for the pin and the titles at 10:15. Tenay’s reaction is as unemotional as I have ever heard for a title change.

Rating: C. Very stupid DDT spot aside, this was a nice choice for an opener. The fans love the Wolves and reacted well enough to the title change, but the impact is kind of lost due to this being the second time they’ve won the belts. The No DQ stipulation wasn’t needed at all here and was only used for the laptop spot, which could have easily been a knee to the back.

Samuel Shaw says he’s a perfectly normal man and will send Anderson to the mental institution tonight.

We recap Samuel Shaw vs. Mr. Anderson. Basically Shaw is nuts and stalked Christy Hemme so Anderson is fighting for her. Shaw’s mom is named Christy and is straight out of a horror movie, offering everyone pie and acting like her son is perfectly normal.

Mr. Anderson vs. Samuel Shaw

Commitment Match, meaning you have to take your opponent outside and put him in a van to win and the loser goes to a mental institution. Shaw runs away from Anderson to start and Christy is at ringside. After hiding behind Christy, Shaw is sent into the post, apron and barricade to give Anderson the early advantage. They head inside with Shaw nailing Anderson in the ribs with a shoulder but missing a charge and falling back to the floor.

Shaw grabs the standing choke on the floor and puts him out in a few moments but now has to drag him to the back. Instead he drags Christy inside and says she’s coming with him whether she likes it or not. Christy slaps him in the face but Shaw seems to like it. The distraction lets Anderson get back up and nail a clothesline and neckbreaker to send Shaw crawling up the aisle. Anderson says no no no and sends him into the barricade before kicking Samuel in the face.

A Mic Check off the stage is countered with some elbows but Anderson hits the rolling fireman’s carry instead. He says Shaw is going for a little ride but first it’s a chair to Shaw’s ribs and back. Anderson whips him into the barricade again and they head into the interview area.

They find JB and Anderson makes him interview Shaw while holding him in a headlock. Shaw is put on a cart and wheeled into some metal boxes as they find the van. The distraction of opening the doors lets Samuel get in a few cheap shots as Christy comes in. She distracts him before hitting Shaw low and there’s a Mic Check to send Shaw into the van for the win at 10:30.

Rating: D+. Well that….happened. I doubt this is the end of the feud because it’s TNA and things don’t end after a few gimmick matches, but there’s no reason for them to keep going. At least Christy didn’t turn on Anderson to side with Shaw like I was expecting, but there’s still time for her to do something stupid like that.

Ethan Carter says he didn’t do anything wrong by beating Kurt Angle because it was all about making a name for himself. Angle has been in the ring with a bunch of legends and won a bunch of titles, but there’s one man that Angle will never ever (repeat about 15 times) and that’s Ethan Carter. Spud doesn’t like Willow either.

Rockstar Spud/Ethan Carter III vs. Willow/Kurt Angle

Carter hides in the ropes to avoid Kurt to start before quickly tagging in Spud. Angle just stares as Spud tries to get fired up before threatening to knock Spud all the way back to England. Back to Carter as we’re over a minute and a half in with no contact. Ethan bails to the floor as the stalling continues. Back in and Angle tries an ankle lock but Carter dives over to tag Spud in. The Englishman goes outside too as we’ve had about 15 seconds of action in three minutes.

Willow gets the tag and dives onto both guys who fail to catch him, allowing Willow to crash onto the floor. He was holding the umbrella at the time so the fans chant Mary Poppins. Angle misses a charge into the steps and Willow has to take both heels down with a Whisper in the Wind back inside. Carter gets in a cheap shot though and Spud hammers away to take over. A snap suplex gets two on Willow as Angle is still down on the floor. I’d guess he’s still hurt given how much he’s been laying around.

The double teaming continues until Angle sneaks in for some rolling Germans on Carter. There’s the ankle lock but Spud tries to make the save with a sleeper. That goes about as well as you would expect and it’s an ankle lock on Spud until Carter chop blocks Kurt down. Willow breaks up a leg lock and cleans house until Spud is left alone in the ring against both good guys. Twist of Fate into the Angle Slam into the Swanton is good for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: D+. This could have closed the first hour of any episode of Impact. Angle isn’t ready to come back full time yet after that knee injury and in that case, he needs to sit down again for awhile. It’s obvious that they’re hiding his condition and that’s fine, but it doesn’t make for interesting matches. I’m assuming Carter doesn’t lose until BFG.

Eric Young loves when the fans cheer for him and he’s not losing the title because it makes him feel too good.

Knux and his girlfriend are coming back to TNA. She says he’ll get all the rebel he can handle, which I think is her name. Knux says there will be two other people joining them: Crazy Steve and the Freak. Rebel isn’t pleased.

Video on Sanada winning the X Title and how important it is in Japan.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Tigre Uno

This is the third match in a best of three series for the title. Feeling out process to start and they trade some near falls until it’s a standoff. A hurricanrana puts Tigre down to the floor for a breather before Sanada catches him in a rolling cradle for two. Tigre comes back with a rollup of his own and a kick gets the same. A freaky looking neck lock (think a headscissors on the mat with Tigre cranking on the arm) has Sanada in trouble but he quickly counters into a dragon sleeper.

Tigre escapes again and tries a springboard but gets dropkicked out of the air in a nice counter. Back up and a Jericho springboard dropkick sends Sanada out to the floor. A sloppy flip dive takes out Sanada again but he’s able to get his knees up to block a moonsault back inside.

Sanada hits a pair of springboard chops to the head drops Tigre but he comes back with a release suplex to send Sanada into the ropes. The challenger goes up top but gets pulled down with a top rope hurricanrana. Sanada misses his top rope moonsault and Tigre escapes the dragon suplex. A cradle DDT puts Sanada down again but he avoids a Phoenix Splash, setting up the moonsault to retain the title at 9:40.

Rating: C. Take two guys and let them fly around for a few minutes. They didn’t mean anything at all and it was pretty much every single cruiserweight match ever in WCW that didn’t have Mysterio, Kidman or Guerrera. I also have no idea why this was a best of three series as it meant nothing at all.

James Storm promises to cut Gunner down to size.

We recap the I Quit match. Storm and Gunner randomly teamed up just under a year ago before turning on each other after losing the titles to the Bro Mans. This is I believe their fourth gimmick match of the feud.

James Storm vs. Gunner

I quit match. They slug it out to start with Storm getting the better of it and knocking Gunner out to the floor. Storm whips him into the barricade hard enough to knock it over on top of Gunner. They fight over the steps with Gunner taking over with a hard clothesline. Gunner throws him back inside and finds a trashcan filled with toys. Storm kicks the ropes low into Gunner as they come back inside before an Elevated Stunner (think Orton) but Gunner won’t quit.

A pair of chair shots still won’t make Gunner quit and a cookie sheet still doesn’t do the trick. Storm chokes away in the corner until Guner FINALLY comes back with a running knee to the face to take over. It’s time for the first weapon from Gunner as he grabs a trashcan lid and blasts Storm in the head over and over. Storm finally gets one of his own for a duel but Gunner keeps control.

Gunner nails a swan dive but this time it’s Storm that won’t quit. Instead Gunner tries a charge but goes hard into the post to change control again. Storm sends him into the post one more time and plants Gunner with an Elevated DDT on the floor. Naturally Gunner isn’t ready to quit yet and Storm is getting frustrated.

Storm finds the beer bottle and blasts Gunner in the head to cut him open but of course Gunner won’t quit. Off to a Boston crab of all things but Gunner is quickly in the ropes. Some belt shots to the back have Gunner in trouble and there’s the Last Call to put him down again. He still won’t quit though so Storm just rips at the cut to draw more blood. Gunner rams his own head into the buckle and screams NEVER before hitting three straight F5s.

With nothing else to do, Gunner sets up the two chairs in the ring and bridges the barricade across it. A HUGE superplex puts Storm through the steel and both guys are almost done. Gunner picks up a piece of the beer bottle and drives it into Storm’s head to make him quit at 19:04.

Rating: B-. Now NEVER LET THEM FIGHT AGAIN. Yeah the match wasn’t bad but I just don’t need to see this match ever again. We get it: Gunner can beat James Storm. Now let us find out what he can do against someone else. Gunner getting the spot instead of Young makes more sense, but I guess Young’s goofiness is just better for business. Or something.

Angelina Love says Madison Rayne is a charity case and tonight she’ll win her sixth Knockout Title.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

Madison is defending and quickly knocks Angelina out to the floor with a shoulder. Angelina has a meeting with Velvet Sky and comes back in for a headlock and shoulder of her own. Madison takes her down with a nice trip but can’t use the headscissors face slam into the mat. Instead it’s a baseball slide to send Love back to the floor but she sends a following Rayne face first into the apron.

Back inside and the Beautiful People take turns choking on the ropes and in the corner to little avail. Madison gets a quick sunset flip for two but gets sent to the floor where she beats on Velvet a bit. Back in and the challenger puts on a figure four with her legs in a nice touch. An enziguri puts Love down again though and now the face slam works.

Velvet tries to help her friend but the champ dives on both of them in an awesome visual. They head inside again and it’s the Rayne Drop for two. Angelina’s Botox Injection (Brogue Kick) gets the same and the fit is thrown. Madison comes back with a spear but Velvet sprays her in the eyes with hairspray, allowing Love to roll Rayne up with a handful of tights for the pin and the title at 8:15.

Rating: C-. It’s a Knockouts match so you’ve seen the whole thing before at least a few times. Angelina winning the title again makes sense in storyline terms but it’s still nothing new. I don’t really care about the Beautiful People reunion as it feels like we’ve traveled back in time instead of doing something that might get people to care. That almost never works in wrestling, at least when the past act is the focus.

Bully Ray starts a tables chant and promises to put Bobby Roode through the wood.

We recap Ray vs. Roode, which is fallout from Lockdown where Ray turned on Roode and cost his team the main event. They’ve put each other through tables ever since, setting up this tables match.

Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode

Tables match. They slug it out to start with the Bully getting the advantage and nailing a nice backdrop. A side slam has Roode in trouble and Bobby is bleeding from the lip. The Flip Flop and Fly has Roode down again and it’s already table time. Ray takes too much time though and Roode gets in a shot to take over. Bobby knocks him off the apron but can’t drive Ray through a table.

Back in and Ray hits a dropkick of all things but takes too much time getting a table, allowing Roode to come back with a nice neckbreaker. Bobby sets up a table in the corner and they fight over a suplex with neither guy being able to pull it off. With that not working, Bobby shoves him into the corner and yells a lot before kicking Ray in the chest. He loads up Ray’s powerbomb but gets backdropped down for his efforts.

Roode snaps Ray’s throat across the top rope but Bully chops the skin off Bobby’s chest back inside. Neither guy can hit a powerbomb through the tables and there goes the referee. Of course now Ray is able to powerbomb Roode through the table with no one seeing it but the fans.

Ray goes to get another table but takes too long, allowing Roode to hit a spinebuster. The Roode Bomb through the table doesn’t work so Bobby goes up, only to dive into the cutter. Ray puts Roode on two tables at ringside before going up top, only to have Dixie Carter in a beard (seriously) appear and shove him through the tables to give Roode the win at 13:55.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but the ending made my head hurts. As I said earlier, we’ve seen these two put each other through tables for weeks now and seeing it happen again at a bearded Dixie Carter’s hands (I can’t get over that) doesn’t make it any more interesting. It’s just something else that happened and it’s not much to see.

Magnus says that he’ll show Eric Young what a wrestling champion is tonight. He has no backup so he can prove his biggest criticism wrong. Magnus: “You can call me Wreck-It Ralph because there’s no one I’d rather be than me.”

We recap Magnus vs. Eric Young. Eric won a gauntlet match for a shot at the title later in the night where he won the belt in a shocker. Tonight is Magnus’ rematch which is basically people’s champion vs. man destined to be a champion. This gets a music video treatment which is basically a career retrospective for Young.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Eric Young

We get the big match intros and Eric is defending. The fans of course chant USA for the Canadian champion. Magnus gets in Young’s face to start and shoves him into the corner as we get a SUPER ERIC chant. Young comes back and takes the Brit down before walking over his spine. Back up and they trade headlocks until Magnus cranks on both of Eric’s arms with a knee in the back. Eric rolls out with ease and Magnus heads outside to think about it.

The champ hits a nice plancha to take Magnus down and the fans chant EY. It’s so nice that we look at it again and the background is missing, so instead of a graphic in the back it’s the same video that is on the mini screen in the replay. Eric dives off the apron into a belly to belly (replay again and this one works) to give Magnus control. Back in and we hit the chinlock on Young followed by a knee that might have been low.

Eric tries to fight back but gets caught in a drop toehold into a camel clutch. We get a light dueling “Let’s Go EY/EY Sucks” chant as Eric fights up and they both hit cross bodies. That works so well that they do it again with clotheslines and both guys are down. Eric wins a slugout and scores with a flying forearm followed by a clothesline. Magnus escapes the piledriver but gets caught in a nice belly to belly. The champion misses a moonsault and gets slammed down, setting up Magnus’ top rope elbow for two.

A wheelbarrow suplex into a neckbreaker puts Magnus down and it’s Eric’s elbow connecting for a near fall. Young still can’t get the piledriver as Magnus counters into a Kingsland Cloverleaf. A rope is quickly grabbed though and it’s Eric putting on a horrible looking Scorpion until Magnus makes the ropes even faster than Eric did. Magnus nails him with a right hand on top and a slam down gets two more. The referee stops Magnus from bringing in a hammer, allowing Eric to connect with the piledriver for an even closer near fall. There’s a second piledriver and the elbow to retain the title at 15:44.

Rating: B-. So I guess Eric is the long term plan because…..well because they’ve tried EVERYTHING else and it hasn’t worked. This was actually far better than I was expecting as they told a decent story, though the ending didn’t really work too well. It’s the match of the night for sure though and a good way to close a show.

Overall Rating: C. This just didn’t do it for me. I see no reason for this to be a PPV and it feels like their old Russo shows: gimmicks added for no reason at all (No DQ in the opener and the van stuff with Anderson vs. Shaw), stories that just keep going (Storm vs. Gunner) and a main event that tried but just didn’t feel like a big match because of who was involved.

It’s not that the show was terrible because it did have its moments, but it’s a reflection on how unappealing TNA really is at the moment. It’s a watchable show and the main event isn’t bad, but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. Also, where was Abyss? As in the guy that Impact was built around last week. I’d assume he didn’t make the show because they didn’t have time to figure him in because this show had SO much thought put into it right?

Results
Wolves b. Bro Mans/Zema Ion – Double stomp to Godderz
Mr. Anderson b. Samuel Shaw – Anderson threw Shaw into the van
Willow/Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III/Rockstar Spud –
Sanada b. Tigre Uno – Moonsault
Gunner b. James Storm – Storm quit after being cut with a beer bottle
Angelina Love b. Madison Rayne – Rollup with a handful of tights
Bobby Roode b. Bully Ray – Dixie Carter shoved Ray through two tables
Eric Young b. Magnus – Top rope elbow
 

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Sacrifice 2014 Preview

So yeah, this is tomorrow.

We’ll start with the main event. I’ll take Bully Ray to beat Bobby Roode in the tables match with a powerbomb. No seriously that’s the main event. If you watch Impact, this is the match we’ve heard the most of all month long. I don’t quite get the appeal of having people put each other through tables for a month and then pay to see them put each other through one more table but that’s just me.

Eric Young keeps the title because…..well because Eric Young is World Champion in a major wrestling company and according to them it’s not a ripoff of Daniel Bryan.

I’ll take Angelina to take the Knockouts Title because it’s the easiest thing they can do to keep the division as boring as possible.

I’ll actually take Storm to win the I Quit match, presumably through the use of someone else like Gunner’s dad. Why this feud is still going is anyone’s guess as this is about the fourth match that should have blown the thing off.

Angle/Willow over Carter/Spud to give the good guys their revenge. Again there’s no real thinking in this but that’s the case for almost everything in TNA anymore.

Give me Sanada over Tigre Uno in a match that just didn’t need to be a best of three at all.

I have a feeling Shaw wins the Committed match over Anderson with Christy’s help because Russo is back on the creative team as a consultant and that’s one of his favorites.

Oh and the Wolves get the belts back which should be their first reign but we needed them to win in Japan or whatever.

As I’m sure you can tell, I REALLY do not care about this show at all. That was what went through my head the entire show on Thursday and it’s the same case here. TNA is just not very interesting right now and the majority of the show feels like something they remembered doing before and just swapped the names around. It’s not interesting for the most part and there really isn’t much I want to see on this show which doesn’t need to be a PPV in the slightest. Things can turn around, but I don’t see much good going on at the moment.

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXII: Go Shawn Go

Wrestlemania XXII
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We head to the midwest here for a pretty forgotten show. The main events here are Cena defending against HHH and Angle defending against Guerrero and Orton. No that isn’t a typo. The triple threat has nothing to do with Rey Mysterio but rather is there to milk every dime possible out of Eddie’s corpse. Seriously, that’s it. Other than that we have Shawn vs. Vince and Edge vs. Foley in a match that allegedly made Edge a bigger deal. Let’s get to it.

Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child sings America the Beautiful.

The opening video is a Wrestlemania montage set to I Dare You by Shinedown. Awesome song and an awesome video.

We also get the usual kind of opening video with hype for the major matches.

Raw Tag Titles: Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Big Show/Kane

The monsters are defending here. Kane and Masters start stuff out and the 6’5 Masters looks tiny by comparison. Show headbutts him from the apron before coming in legally for some chops. A poke to Big Show’s eye slows him down and here’s Carlito who is immediately chopped down. Masters is slammed down as well with Show throwing Carlito over the top and out onto Chris.

Kane goes up top and dives onto both guys as the challengers are in trouble. Somewhere in between there the turnbuckle pad has been removed and Show misses a charge, going head first into said buckle. It doesn’t seem to have much effect though as Show suplexes both guys down with ease. Off to Kane as everything breaks down. Kane pounds away on Carlito in the corner and hits the side slam for no cover.

The top rope clothesline misses Masters though and there’s the Masterlock to Kane. Show breaks it up seconds later but there’s the Backstabber to Kane. The chokeslam is broken up by Masters and Show is sent to the floor. Kane’s double chokeslam attempt is broken up but after causing some heel miscommunication, a solo version to Carlito retains the titles.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this is one of the matches that probably could have been cut for the sake of trimming the show a bit. The match was a squash and not a very interesting one either. That’s the problem with a pair of giants like Big Show and Kane: there’s no one that can stop them and the resulting matches are dull at times. Not bad but it felt like a Raw match.

The losers argue post match.

Shawn says that when he told Vince to grow up, he was telling the truth. It’s pretty funny that a year ago Shawn and Angle stole the show and a year before that he stole the show with Benoit and HHH. This year though it’s going to be about violence, not the five star classic. Shawn tells Vince to pray tonight because he’ll be enduring quite a bit.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Finlay vs. Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Money in the Bank here. Shelton is Intercontinental Champion and Matt is arguably the favorite. It’s a big brawl to start with Lashley cleaning house. The crowd favors RVD. Benjamin hits a BIG kick to Lashley’s head to put him down as Matt tries to bring in the first ladder. Instead it’s Van Dam with a baseball slide to take Matt down, followed by a big flip dive to put him down again. Shelton brings in a ladder of his own and after laying out Finlay with it, he sets the ladder up as a ramp for a springboard flip dive to take out everyone under the age of 40.

Finlay sets up a ladder but here’s Flair for the save. Naitch tries to climb but Matt superplexes him off the ladder which is good enough to hurt Flair’s back and knock him out of the match. As Flair is taken out, Van Dam lays out Shelton on the ladder but misses Rolling Thunder, hitting only the ladder. Lashley goes for a climb but Benjamin goes up to stop him. Shelton tries a sunset bomb over the top of the ladder but it takes Matt and Finlay helping to complete the move.

Matt gets a running start at Finlay but has a ladder pelted at him to put Hardy right back down. Finlay sets up the ladder but here’s Flair hobbling down the aisle. Instead of climbing up the ladder though, Finlay goes into the aisle and gets chopped back down. Ric fights off Shelton and Hardy and goes up, getting his hand on the case. Finlay goes up the ladder though and blasts him with the club to put him back down.

Shelton and Finlay fight on top of the ladder but here’s Lashley with another ladder to knock the ladder with two people on it down to the mat. Now Lashley goes up but Van Dam comes off the top rope and dropkicks a chair into Lashley’s back to break up the climb. Matt, ever the bright guy, goes up top on the ladder but drops a leg instead of going for the case. Matt goes up and gets his hand on the ladder, only to have Finlay make a save. Hardy takes Finlay down with a Side Effect off the ladder to put everyone down.

Van Dam, also not the brightest guy in the world, comes off the ladder with a splash on Finlay, leaving everyone down again. In the spot of the match, Van Dam goes for a climb but Shelton springboards off the top rope and lands on the ladder to punch Rob down. That looked AWESOME but he has to stop Matt instead of getting the briefcase. Matt and Shelton’s ladder fall down though and it’s Van Dam pulling down the case to win the match and the title shot.

Rating: B. Shelton’s spot was INSANE but this match was a bit too short. Also the match wasn’t as big with the spots as it was last year but the spots that were big certainly did look good. It’s not quite as good as last year, but it still lived up to the hype. A better roster would have helped this one too, as Finlay didn’t fit in a match like this and Flair didn’t exactly either.

Randy Orton interrupts Gene Okerlund and insults the idea of Okerlund being inducted into the Hall of Fame. Gene isn’t impressed and says he’ll be in the Hall of Fame one day because of nights like tonight. Batista, still injured at this point, comes up and says he’s coming for the winner of the triple threat tonight. Batista vs. Orton was the match that never got to have on the big stage they wanted to.

Here’s the Hal of Fame (minus Bret because pigs haven’t grown wings yet): Okerlund, Sherri Martel, Tony Atlas, Verne Gagne, William Perry (in barely fitting street clothes), The Blackjacks (with a drool inducing Maria) and the co-headliner, Eddie Guerrero (biggest ovation and accepted by Vickie).

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is challenging and takes over with a quick headlock. Benoit comes back with a drop toehold but can’t get the Crossface this early. Back to the headlock by JBL but Benoit gets his back and pounds on the challenger’s neck. The Sharpshooter is broken up very quickly and Jibbles heads to the floor. Back in and Benoit avoids a charge in the corner and lays out Bradshaw with the Rolling Germans. The champion loads up the Swan Dive but JBL crotches him to escape.

JBL cranks up the heel by doing Eddie’s chest slap. A superplex puts Benoit down but only gets a very delayed two. There’s the Eddie dance and JBL hits Three Amigos to HUGE heat. Benoit knees his way out of the third Amigo and pounds away, only to get kicked in the face for two. Off to a lame chinlock (his hands aren’t even locked) by JBL but Benoit suplexes his way out. Now Chris hits Three Amigos to a solid ovation before doing the chest slap. Now the Swan Dive hits for two and Benoit counters the Clothesline into a Crossface attempt, but JBL rolls onto his back and grabs the rope for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. Just like the opener this was pretty meh but JBL was an awesome heel here. The part of this that sticks in my mind though is Benoit hitting that headbutt. After it hit he was grabbing his skull and was clearly in pain. Every time I see him hit something like that I cringe a little bit more and wonder if that was the point of no return.

We recap Foley vs. Edge. Edge cashed in MITB at New Year’s Revolution and Mick was guest referee for the title change for no apparent reason. Foley got beaten up as Edge accused Foley of losing his edge so to speak.

Joey Styles jumps in on commentary for the next match.

Mick Foley vs. Edge

This is a hardcore match and DEAR GOODNESS I forgot how hot Lita looked in this match. Edge comes out in a vest with a ball bat but Foley comes out in…..gray flannel? There’s a Cactus shirt under it but I didn’t come to Wrestlemania to see Foley in GRAY flannel. Edge swings with the bat but only hits buckle. Foley slams him into the mat and puts Edge upside down in the Tree of Woe for the running fist to the face.

Edge comes back with a forearm and tells Lita to send him something. We get various flat metal objects like cookie sheets and stop signs which are smashed against Foley’s head. Edge loses the vest and hits the spear before falling to the side and writhing in pain. Foley opens up the flannel and reveals a ring of barbed wire wrapped around his stomach and A RED FLANNEL SHIRT! Edge’s arm is hacked open so Foley whips him with the barbed wire and drives it into the arm cut.

Edge is tied up in the ropes and Foley pulls out a barbed wire ball bat. Lita tries to interfere but a Cactus Clothesline to Edge puts all three on the floor. A swinging neckbreaker on the floor gets two for Foley but as he charges at Edge he gets hiptossed into the steps, leg first. Edge whips Foley HARD into the steps, destroying the knees even further. Mick is put on a table on the floor but rolls off before Edge can dive. Edge slams Mick’s head into the steel ramp for two and another sick thud.

Back inside the ring they go and Edge covers Foley with lighter fluid. Well that’s certainly stepping things up. A piledriver out of nowhere gets two for Foley and he loads up the Conchairto, only to have Lita make a save. Edge hits a DDT “onto” the chair before getting the barbed wire bat for some midsection shots. There’s a shot to the face for good measure and Foley is busted open. Edge gets in some psychology by ripping the barbed wire of Foley’s forehead like Foley did to HHH in 2000.

Since nothing else has worked, Edge busts out the thumbtacks. Foley blocks a facial damaging bulldog with a belly to back suplex into the tacks to send Edge into shock. It’s Socko time but Foley wraps it in barbed wire for good measure. Foley gets in a barbed wire bat shot to Edge’s ribs and one to the head as well, cutting his head open something fierce. Now Foley gets the lighter fluid to cover the table, but Lita slows him down with a bat shot to the ribs. The table is lit and Edge SPEARS FOLEY THROUGH THE ROPES AND THE FLAMING TABLE for the pin.

Rating: A. Oh yeah this worked. This was about blood and violence which is something you never get anymore. It helped that you had Foley and Edge out there, as in guys that knew how to wrestle a match and make a wrestling crowd care. That’s the difference between this and ECW: this was well built and about emotion and hatred instead of a freak show. Also it’s ONCE, not every match on the card.

The look of shock on Edge’s face as he goes to the back is amazing.

Booker and Sharmell want to know why Boogeyman wants them. They go to the ring for their match and see Pirate Paul Burchill practicing his sword play. Then it’s DiBiase offering Eugene money for dribbling a ball 100 times in a row, only to kick it away at 99. Snitsky is licking Mae Young’s foot with Moolah watching.

Goldust is dressed like Oprah (they used to be partners remember) and is apparently the leader of this group of freaks. He tells Booker to embrace his inner freak or he can’t beat the Boogeyman tonight. Goldust suggests putting worms somewhere and Booker freaks out. Booker and Sharmell leave and unfortunately there’s no Wrestlemania dance party.

Backlash ad. Hey I was there.

Some celebrities are here.

Booker T/Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is that Booker and Sharmell are terrified. Booker makes Sharmell start but jumps Boogeyman to get things going. There’s a bunch of smoke in the arena from Boogeyman’s entrance and you can barely see anything. Boogeyman starts no selling stuff including the Book End which doesn’t even get a cover. The ax kick misses and a forearm puts Booker down. Boogey eats a big handful of worms but Sharmell picks up his staff. She tries to sneak up on him but SCREAMS to make sure Boogey hears her. A wormy kiss sends Sharmell running and the chokebomb ends Booker for the pin.

Rating: F. Do I really need to explain this? Booker would somehow be world champion in four months. I don’t get the idea behind Boogeyman and it never worked at all. This match didn’t need to be a handicap match either as Sharmell didn’t add a thing to the entire match. The stupid smoke was annoying too.

We recap Trish vs. Mickie. Mickie showed up as the psycho (and HOT) Trish stalker/lesbian luster. Trish turned her down so Mickie snapped and kicked her in the head. Mickie then kidnapped Trish’s friend Ashley and laid out Trish as she tried to save Ashley. Mickie kissed the unconscious Trish, sending 12 year olds everywhere into a frenzy.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

Mickie is challenging and has those awesome skirts that go all over the place. Trish is looking great too with the usual attire but showing her stomach as well. Trish is all aggressive here and chops Mickie down into the splits. They head to the floor but the Chick Kick hits the post. Mickie wraps the leg around the post and is still looking very psycho. Back in and a dropkick to the knee takes Trish down again, as does a dragon screw leg whip for two.

The fans chant for Mickie and I can’t say I blame them. Mickie wraps the leg around the ropes before driving it down into the mat for good measure. Off to a half crab followed by a knee crank but Trish power up and hooks a spinning headscissors to put James down. Trish comes back with the forearms and a spinebuster of all things for two. Trish’s corner splash hits feet but as Mickie goes up, Stratus tries the Stratusphere but gets slammed down for a sexy two. A rana is countered into a powerbomb for two and Trish is TICKED.

Trish tries the Matrish but the knee gives out. Instead she tries Stratusfaction but Mickie gropes Trish’s crotch to break it up. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Mickie licks her fingers so Trish DRILLS HER with a forearm. Trish keeps firing away but the knee gives out, and then the match falls off the rails. Mickie tries the Stratusfaction but COMPLETELY misses the rope, making it almost look like a botched atomic drop by Trish. Instead Mickie hits a lame Chick Kick to end Trish’s reign. JR sums it up perfectly: “The nutjob won the title!”

Rating: B-. This was one of the best Divas matches ever but the ending cripples it. The idea here was that it wasn’t a women’s match but rather a match featuring women in it. These two were beating each other up and Trish had real emotion out there. Mickie was PERFECT for this character and you really felt like she had a screw loose. The sexuality was there but it wasn’t the focus which is nice for a change. It’s nice to see a real story and a real fight between two people who happen to be gorgeous women. Good stuff here.

Vince leads his family in a prayer before his match with Shawn. Vince: “God, I don’t like you and you don’t like me.” That’s where it starts and I think you get the idea.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

This is a casket match and WAY before Henry got awesome. Druids bring out the casket surrounded by torches. Basically Henry has beaten up Undertaker and isn’t scared of the dark. No one on the planet thought Henry had a chance here. I’d bet even his mama didn’t. Henry pounds away to start and no sells a few clotheslines before running Taker over. They trade shots into the steps with Henry taking control before heading back inside. Back in and Henry chokes Undertaker down like he’s not even there.

Taker fights back but has Old School broken up with ease. The casket is opened but Taker kicked his way to safety. The Dead Man gets back to his feet and manages to hit Old School this time but it doesn’t drop Henry. A Downward Spiral is easily blocked and Henry controls again by choking on the ropes. Henry misses a charge though and lands in the casket, only to pull Taker down in with him.

They fight out of the casket and head back into the ring where Taker charges into the World’s Strongest Slam but Henry covers on instinct instead of carrying Taker to the casket. Henry makes the incredibly stupid yet eternally made mistake of pounding down on Taker in the corner, only to be powerbombed out of the corner. Mark is knocked out to the floor where Taker hits hit HUGE Taker Dive to put Henry down again. Back in and there’s the Tombstone, allowing Taker to put Henry in the casket to win.

Rating: D+. It’s Mark Henry and this is long before the career resurgence he had in 2011. There was never any doubt that Taker would win his signature match against a guy who just wasn’t on his level. Not a good Mania match here for Taker, but he would win the world title at the next two editions so he would be ok soon.

We recap Vince vs. Shawn. Back in December, Vince had been talking about Montreal again and Shawn finally said let it go before nearly superkicking Vince. This led to Vince basically declaring war on Shawn, eventually leading to a street fight here tonight.

Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels

Oh wait actually this is no holds barred rather than a street fight because they’re such different things. Before the match Vince unveils a poster version of his cover of Muscle and Fitness magazine, which is indeed pretty impressive. Shawn will have none of this though and goes after the boss, pounding away at him and throwing him over the announce table for good measure. Vince gets choked out with a cable as the commentators lose their equipment.

Shawn cracks Vince over the head with his poster and here’s the Spirit Squad to try to save Vince. They’re five cheerleaders (one of them being Dolph Ziggler) who beat up Shawn with their five man lifting slam, but Kenny misses a guillotine legdrop. Shawn gets their megaphone and beats all of them up while Vince is getting a breather. The breather allows Vince to get in a clothesline and take over for a bit.

McMahon rips off his own belt to whip and choke Shawn but his attempt at Sweet Chin Music is easily blocked. The forearm puts Vince down and there’s a whipping for Vince. There’s the top rope elbow but as Shawn tunes up the band, here’s Shane to blast him with a kendo stick. Shane pulls out handcuffs but before they tie Shawn up, Vince takes down his pants. Yeah they’re doing this at Wrestlemania. Shane tries to send Shawn’s face in but Michaels reverses and we get a very disturbing father/son bonding moment.

Shawn hits Vince low and handcuffs Shane to the ropes. After throwing the key into the crowd and doing Shane’s dance, Shawn pounds him with the kendo stick and pulls out a chair. A BIG chair shot cracks Vince’s head open even more than it already was. Instead of kicking Vince’s head off though, Shawn pulls out a ladder. After ramming that into Vince’s head too, Shawn pulls out some trashcans to beat on Vince with as well.

There’s a table thrown in too and this can’t end well. Vince is placed on the table but Shawn isn’t pleased with the ladder he’s got. Instead he gets the jumbo ladder and puts the trashcan over Vince’s head. Shawn climbs the jumbo ladder and drops the BIGGEST ELBOW EVER through Vince through the table. The Sweet Chin Music is the icing on the carnage and it’s finally over.

Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade as it’s really closer to a long segment than a match. Shawn DESTROYED Vince here and that’s what the whole thing was supposed to be. Unfortunately this feud would keep going for about six more months with DX reuniting to fight Vince and all his cronies. Still though, it was certainly entertaining and that’s all it was supposed to be.

Vince is wheeled out on a stretcher but still manages to flip off Shawn. That’s so Vince.

Wrestlemania 23 is coming to Detroit.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match, or the Eddie Guerrero Tribute match. You can call it either thing really as they’re the same thing. Guerrero died five months ago and Rey dedicated his Royal Rumble performance to Eddie, so of course he won. Randy Orton told Rey that Eddie was burning, which was enough to get Rey to put his title shot on the line at No Way Out.

Rey lost, but Teddy Long made it a triple threat with Rey involved, even though Rey lost a fair bet to Orton. This gets the music video, set to I Dare You by Shinedown. Oh and Kurt Angle is world champion coming into this and couldn’t be more of an afterthought. He was in Wrestling Machine mode at this point though and was completely made of awesome.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

P.O.D. plays Rey to the ring. Rey comes out in some freaky looking eagle headdress which I guess is a Mexican thing. During Angle’s entrance, Orton grabs the belt from the referee and blasts Kurt in the face to send him to the floor. Rey tries a springboard cross body but Orton dropkicks him out of the air for two. Angle is back in now for a German suplex on Orton before suplexing BOTH GUYS AT ONCE. Angle is amazing, period.

Orton hits his backbreaker on Angle for two of his own as this is very fast paced to start. A belly to belly puts Orton down and Kurt puts Randy on the top for something, but Rey charges at Angle to break it up. Angle instead launches Rey up at Randy who is taken down in a SWEET hurricanrana by the masked dude. The ankle lock to Orton is quickly broken up by Rey and a big kick to Kurt’s head gets two. The fans chant for the 619 but as Rey loads it up, Kurt grabs the legs into the ankle lock with the grapevine.

Orton distracts the referee as Rey taps before finally breaking up the hold. Angle starts busting out the Germans and an Angle Slam puts Rey on the floor. The ankle lock goes on Randy and there’s a grapevine for good measure. Orton taps but now Rey pulls the referee out and covers his eyes in a pretty brilliant move. Back to the ankle lock but Rey drops the dime on Angle to break it up. The fans are booing Rey for some reason.

Mysterio misses a charge into the corner and slams his shoulder into the corner. The Angle Slam to Orton is countered into an RKO but since this is Wrestlemania it only gets two. Randy limps to the top rope for some reason and you just don’t do that with Kurt Angle in the ring. There’s the running up the corner suplex but Rey tries the 619 around the post. I say try because he slips off the apron and has to just kick Angle in the head for two.

Angle is kicked to the floor and there’s an over the shoulder backbreaker into a neckbreaker for two on Rey. I love that move. Randy loads up the RKO but gets Angle Slammed for two for Kurt. The Angle Slam to Rey is escaped and an armdrag sends Angle to the floor. The 619 and West Coast Pop to Orton give Mysterio the title.

Rating: C-. Uh…..what? No seriously, where’s the rest of this match? The Smackdown World Title match with a new champion gets less than nine and a half minutes at Wrestlemania? It was entertaining while it lasted, but there are Smackdown main events that get twice the amount of time this got. Was Rey ever even in trouble in this match? I’m guessing the match got cut short, but we had nearly 20 minutes for Vince to get beaten up? This is a head scratcher if there’s ever been one.

Chavo and Vickie celebrate with Rey.

Cena and HHH are getting ready in the back.

Candace Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson

This is your Playboy match of the year. Lillian screwing up the hometowns is the most entertaining thing about this match. They’re in their underwear and this is a pillow fight. Torrie coming out to what would become Laycool’s music is rather odd. What do you want here? There’s a bed in the ring, stuff is turned over, Torrie wins after like FOUR MINUTES. Remember that: this got four minutes, the Smackdown World Title got nine.

Rating: F. Were you expecting more here? Next.

Video on the Wrestlemania press conference.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. John Cena

HHH, known as the King of Kings, is in what can best be described as viking attire and rises up out of the stage on a throne. He had Thor’s hammer next to him and a bottle of water in his hand which doesn’t quite fit. Before Cena comes out we get a newsreel about Chicago in the Great Depression. The stage raises up and a car from the 30s drives out, complete with machine gun toting gangsters (one of which was played by future WWE Champion and Cena rival CM Punk who we’ll get back to later).

Cena comes out in a fedora and the shorts shooting a Tommy gun. After the big match intros (the announcer introducing them when they’re in opposite corners) we’re ready to go. HHH grabs a quick hammerlock and takes Cena down to frustrate him a bit. Cena gets caught in a wristlock and sent into the corner again as the fans tell Cena that he sucks. All HHH so far. With nothing else working, Cena tries a quick FU but gets punched in the face. After about four minutes of nothing significant, Cena is thrown to the floor, only to come back in with right hands.

A quick fisherman’s suplex gets two for Cena and it’s off to a chinlock by the champ. The fans tell Cena that he can’t wrestle and HHH fights up. A hard whip sends HHH over the corner and out to the floor but he pokes Cena in the eye to break Cena’s momentum. HHH can’t piledrive Cena on the floor though and gets backdropped onto the steel instead. Back in and HHH hits the jumping knee to the face to a big reaction.

Back to the floor we go and Cena is whipped hard into the steps. They head inside again for a facebuster from the challenger and a big old clothesline for two. A neckbreaker gets the same as the fans alternate between “screw you Cena” and “Cena sucks.” Off to a neck crank by the Game which is transitioned into a sleeper and then a chinlock. The champ shoves him off and hits a clothesline to put both guys down again. Back up and Cena fires off some more clotheslines followed by a powerslam for no cover.

The spinning mat slam puts HHH down but the Game pops up for a spinebuster to block the Shuffle. Back to the sleeper but Cena almost immediately suplexes his way out of it. Now the Shuffle hits and there’s Cena’s new submission hold the STFU. HHH grabs a rope but Cena is in the zone now. The FU is countered but Cena is shoved into the referee.

HHH hits both of them low and gets the sledgehammer which goes upside Cena’s head. Since this is Wrestlemania though it only gets two instead of putting Cena in need of perpetual care. Back up and HHH charges into the FU for two so Cena goes up top. A cross body misses and HHH tries the Pedigree, only to be countered into the STF. With nowhere else to go, HHH taps out and keeps the title on Cena.

Rating: B-. This is one of the recurring problems with HHH matches: when he tries to have a big epic match it rarely works. Cena got a solid rub out of beating him here but at the same time the match wasn’t all that great. It felt like a way to make Cena a big deal rather than have a match between the two of them. It also didn’t help that there was no real issue between the two of them.

A highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is one of the most forgettable Wrestlemanias in history. There’s nothing of note on here, none of the matches are great other than a middle of the show hardcore match which led to some great stuff. Batista being gone hurt this show a lot as Cena wasn’t quite ready to shoulder the weight of Wrestlemania yet. It’s not horrible, but it’s totally forgettable and not required viewing at all.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

Original: D+

Redo: C

Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair vs. Finlay vs. Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B

Redo: B

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Edge vs. Mick Foley

Original: A

Redo: A

Boogeyman vs. Booker T/Sharmell

Original: F

Redo: F

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

Original: B

Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Original: D

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Original: F

Redo: F

HHH vs. John Cena

Original: A-

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

In the first one I said it wasn’t something I’d want to see again. Apparently that was accurate as the rating PLUNGED on a second viewing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-22-i-barely-remember-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXI: The Modern Era Begins

Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re at the launch of a new era in WWE as Batista and Cena are ready to take over the company as the next generation of top stars. They’re challenging HHH and JBL tonight in the respective title matches in what really are company altering matches. On top of that we’ve got Angle vs. HBK and the first MITB match, making this a PACKED show. The theme tonight is Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood which means we get some outstanding parody film trailers. Let’s get to it.

Lillian Garcia (looking GREAT in a baby blue outfit which shows off her flat stomach) sings America the Beautiful.

The Wrestlemania 21 logo is revealed.

We get a montage of the trailers (HHH as Braveheart, John Cena/JBL from A Few Good Men, Undertaker as Dirty Harry, Eugene as Forrest Gump and many more. Look these up) set to Behind Those Eyes by 3 Doors Down.

We get the final trailer which is Gladiator with Steve Austin as Russell Crowe.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

They’re tag team champions but fighting to see who is better here as Eddie is getting frustrated by Rey unintentionally showing him up. Rey is in a Mexican/American double flag themed outfit here instead of his usual superhero stuff. Rey immediately starts adjusting his mask which will be a recurring theme tonight. Eddie takes him to the mat with a headlock and Rey is already messing with his mask.

An armdrag puts Mysterio down and Eddie grabs a test of strength grip. Back up and Rey tries a sunset flip, only to be catapulted out to the floor. Eddie slides out but Rey slides back in, only to miss a 619 to the floor. Back in and they grab another strength grip before Eddie flips Rey over. The referee counts and they bridge up at the exact same time in a cool visual.

Rey is backdropped but lands on his feet, only to have to adjust the mask again. Eddie is backdropped now and tweaks his knee in the process. Rey is knocked to the floor though and there’s a plancha by Guerrero to take him out. Back in and Eddie cranks on the arms a bit before suplexing a mask fixing Mysterio down for two. Guerrero hooks a surfboard submission but has to leg it go because his own shoulders were down.

Off to an STF on Rey which shifts into an armbar. Eddie tries a powerbomb but gets armdragged out to the floor instead. A BIG corkscrew dive to the floor keeps Eddie down as does a seated senton back inside. Back up and Eddie tries Three Amigos but gets rolled up for two instead. There’s a backbreaker for two on Rey followed by Three Amigos but Guerrero tries a fourth and is sent into 619 position.

Eddie pops up and hits another backbreaker for two, causing his frustrations to start coming out. Three more Amigos set up the Frog Splash but Rey gets out at the last second. Naturally, Rey adjusts his mask. La Majistral gets two for Mysterio and there’s the 619 to send Eddie sprawling across the ring. The West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb for two and Eddie isn’t sure what to do. Instead of following up though, Eddie gets caught in a standing rana for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. This was a disappointment. At the end of the day, these two didn’t live up to the expectations they had set, especially given their masterpieces back in WCW. They never got out of first or even second gear and that really brought things down. The match felt like they were trying to have a masterpiece and they collapsed under the weight. It was ok, but it could and should have been SO much more.

Eddie doesn’t turn on Rey after the match. That would come later.

JBL and Orlando Jordan bump into HHH and Flair. JBL says that he’s never lost the world title like HHH has and HHH is going to add another loss to his total tonight. A showdown is teased but everyone backs down.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Kane

This is the first ever Money in the Bank ladder match and thankfully there are only six people instead of the eight that we usually get today. In a cool visual, Kane’s fire engulfs a bunch of ladders on the stage before everyone else attacks him to start things off. Kane goes for the ladder but everyone jumps him to stop him from getting any weapons. Benjamin and Benoit hit a double suplex on the Big Bald and there’s the opening bell.

Jericho hits Christian in the face with the first ladder and it’s Jericho vs. Benjamin in the ring. The bulldog takes Shelton down but Jericho has to dropkick Edge and Benoit to the floor. A slingshot plancha takes Edge down again Christian dives on all three other Canadians before Shelton dives onto all four of them. Kane goes up top and takes out a bunch of guys as well before pulling out the first ladder.

Before Kane can climb though he has to knock down everyone else, only to have Jericho dropkick him down. Jericho gets the ladder and crushes various people with it before dropping the ladder onto Edge. Benoit grabs Jericho for a German suplex though to send him flying before Benoit tries to climb up. Kane makes a save but gets caught in the Crossface instead. Now there’s a Crossface to Edge but Kane breaks it up with a ladder shot to Benoit’s chest.

Kane follows that up by crushing Benoit’s arm with the ladder, only to be speared by Edge. Edge and Christian stare at each other before crushing Kane between some ladders. Shelton takes both former partners down with a springboard clothesline before trying the Dragon Whip on Edge but kicking the ladder into Christian instead. Edge whips Shelton into the ladder but the spear hits the ladder instead of Benjamin. A Stinger Splash against the ladder crushes Edge and it’s time for a climb.

It’s Jericho and Benjamin up on the ladder but here are Christian and Benoit on their own ladder. Edge climbs a third ladder before Christian hits a DDT onto Benoit’s arm to pull him down to the mat. Jericho is knocked down as well and Shelton hits the T-Bone Exploder off the ladder to crush Edge yet again.

Now we have two ladders set up, one of which set up like a ramp to reach the standing ladder. Jericho climbs up but Benjamin runs up the ladder ramp and clotheslines Jericho off the top and out to the floor. Shelton climbs up but Christian hits him in the ribs with a ladder to put him down again. Christian’s problem solver Tomko comes in now and sets up a ladder for his employer to send Christian to the top. Kane comes back in and fights both guys off before shoving Christian off the ladder off the ladder and out onto Tomko on the floor.

Jericho and Kane both go up and both crash down almost as fast. With one good arm, Benoit comes back in and tries to load up a ladder, but being the psycho that he is, he hits the Swan Dive on Kane instead of going for the case. Now Benoit goes up and rams his head into Kane to send him down (much scarier now than it used to be) but Edge hits Benoit in the bad arm with a chair and climbs up to become the first Mr. Money in the Bank.

Rating: B+. This was the spiritual successor to TLC and having it be every man for himself made it all the better. It worked very well with six men instead of the eight that it would become, making this one arguably the best overall. Very fun match and the spots were still crisp and fresh. Good stuff here.

Here’s Eugene who is still almost kind of popular at this point. Eugene talks about the midget match from Wrestlemania 3 when the midgets attacked King Kong Bundy because he’s so excited to be here. This brings out Muhammad Hassan and Daivari who don’t like being mistreated by Americans because they’re Arab Americans. Hassan makes fun of Eugene and goes on a rant about being left off of Wrestlemania.

He complains about Hollywood being phony before Daivari yells at Eugene too Hassan decks a still injured Eugene and putting him in a camel clutch. We need a savior here and it’s HULK HOGAN walking down that aisle! The arena, in a word, loses it. Daivari and Hassan jump him but it’s a double noggin knocker for those meanies. Hogan punches Hassan down and chops away before booting him down. Hassan is sent flying and Daivari hits Hogan in the back with a chair. That has absolutely no effect and there’s the big boot for Daivari’s troubles. Hogan stands tall and it’s time to pose. As in for nearly five minutes.

We recap Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton was on fire last year and won the world title before losing to HHH because Orton was on fire on the same show HHH was on. After moving on from the Game, Orton decided to go after the Streak because he’s the Legend Killer. Orton made it clear that he was evil now by acquiring a girlfriend in Stacy Keibler so he could RKO her. That’s about it but do you need more?

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

It’s Wrestlemania so we get druids, chanting and torches for Undertaker’s entrance. This is never not cool. We also get the Burn in My Light theme for Orton from back when Orton looked like a 24 year old and not like he was made out of orange shoe leather. Undertaker is just 12-0 at this point. Feeling out process to start until Orton scores a quick dropkick for two. A single right hand puts Orton down but a quick rollup out of the corner gets two for Randy.

Undertaker throws him into the corner and drops the leg on Orton on the apron for good measure. Old School drops Orton again but Undertaker misses a running boot in the corner, allowing Orton to dropkick him out to the floor. Back in and a clothesline puts Taker down again for two but a running DDT drops Orton for two for the tall guy. Undertaker follows up with some clotheslines in the corner before loading up the snake eyes/big boot combo. Orton blocks the coming boot with an uppercut but he stops to pose, allowing Undertaker to sit up.

They slug it out until Undertaker simply runs Orton over for two. Off to a dragon sleeper by Taker which clearly makes Orton tap but it doesn’t count this early I guess. Orton twists around into a nice DDT for two before we hit the chinlock. Taker fights up so it’s a sleeper instead, only for Taker to counter again with a belly to back suplex. Back up and Orton powerslams Undertaker down for two but he makes the eternal mistake of punching Undertaker in the corner and gets caught in the Last Ride.

Orton escapes though and tries the RKO, only to be shoved off. He grazes the referee on the way to the ropes which apparently passes for a ref bump. The Last Ride is countered again and here’s Randy’s dad Bob with the cast (that’s a VERY slow healing injury as it’s at about 23 years now) to give Orton a VERY close two. In one of my favorite counters ever, Taker loads up the chokeslam but Orton counters in mid air into the RKO for two. Like any good lunkhead, Orton loads up the Tombstone but gets countered into the real thing to make Taker 13-0.

Rating: C+. While not great, Orton was trying out there. The problem was that Orton had been crushed so badly by HHH that there was no reason to buy him as a threat here. I won’t say didn’t even have to break a sweat here but other than that RKO counter and MAYBE the cast shot, Undertaker was never in any danger or even extended trouble.

We recap Trish vs. Christy Hemme. Christy looked amazing in Playboy and Trish got jealous because she was Women’s Champion but couldn’t get any respect. Hemme, who wasn’t a wrestler, challenged Trish to a title match. Lita was coaching Hemme to try to make this interesting but it never worked at all.

Women’s Title: Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus

Trish immediately takes it to the floor and sends Christy knees first into the steps. Did I mention this is Christy’s singles debut? Christy comes back with some kicks that look amateur at best. Stratus comes back with some chops in the corner but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Trish hits a hard kick to Christy’s ribs and shoves the injured Lita into the barricade. Christy fires off more kicks and hits a reverse Twist of Fate for two. Trish has enough of this and Chick Kicks Hemme down to retain.

Rating: F. This is where you can tell that the Playboy push was a terrible idea. At the end of the day, Hemme was a model, not a wrestler. If they want to hire models, then either teach them for a long time or don’t have them wrestle, because this kind of stuff is embarrassing. I’m not saying Hemme wasn’t trying or anything like that, but she simply didn’t have the talent to be here. Trish would hold the title until next Wrestlemania.

We recap Shawn s. Angle which I think is going to be better. They put each other out of the Rumble but Angle snapped because when he won a gold medal, everyone kept talking about how awesome Shawn Michaels was and now fifteen years later, Angle wants to get Shawn back for it. Shawn says Angle is great, but this is Wrestlemania and therefore Shawn’s world.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

This was when Angle was the wrestling machine so this should be awesome. Kurt takes in the YOU SUCK chants because that’s how awesome he is. I should mention the set as it has the Hollywood sign on one side and a movie marquee on the other side which says Now Playing and then the match, making it feel all the more special. They stare it down to start until Shawn slaps him in the face.

Angle takes it to the mat and rides Shawn to frustrate him. Shawn gets to a rope and gives Kurt a look like “o………..k then time for a new plan.” Michaels grabs a headlock takeover to slow things down but the fans are behind Kurt. Kurt fights up but can’t escape the hold without using the ropes. Nice storytelling there with Shawn gladly going to the ropes but Angle going to them out of frustration.

Off to a short arm scissors by Shawn for a bit but Angle uses raw power to lift Shawn up into the air. However, since Shawn had that move used on him back in 1992 by British Bulldog, he knows how to roll through into a sunset flip for two. See, THAT is how you play to older fans with some awesome psychology. Back to the headlock as Angle is getting frustrated by Michaels dominating the mat.

Angle takes it into the corner to brawl with Shawn but Shawn ties him up instead. This is also a callback to Wrestlemania XII where Shawn used the exact same strategy on Bret. Angle grabs a quick ankle lock but Shawn rolls through and a Cactus Clothesline puts them both on the floor. Angle loads up the announce table but opts to pick up Shawn in the Angle Slam and ram Shawn back first into the post to take over again.

Back in and Angle gets two off a suplex before putting on a body vice with a chinlock. The fans are split here but Shawn fights up with some chops to take over. Kurt will have none of that though and suplexes Shawn down to stop the comeback bid. Another belly to belly gets two and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back. Michaels gets up again and they slug it out with Angle taking Shawn down with a hard clothesline.

Shawn blocks a superplex attempt but Kurt rolls away from the top rope elbow. There go Angle’s straps but Shawn counters the Angle Slam and backdrops Kurt to the floor. Shawn goes up and half dives/half falls onto Angle with a cross body. As they get back in, Angle tries his German suplex off the apron but Shawn kicks him low like a good former villain. With Angle on the announce table, Shawn hits a gorgeous springboard spinning cross body to send Angle onto the floor as the table doesn’t break.

Both guys make it in on different sides of the ring at nine. Angle is bleeding from the mouth. They slug it out again with Shawn taking over. There’s the forearm and nip-up as Shawn’s back is perfectly fine all of a sudden. Now the big elbow hits but the superkick is countered into the ankle lock but Shawn FINALLY makes the rope. The Angle Slam is rolled through but Angle counters into the ankle lock but Shawn counters into a rollup for two. Another superkick is caught and there’s the Angle Slam for two.

To show how angry Kurt is, he puts his straps up just so he can take them down all over again. In a scary spot, Angle tries the moonsault but Shawn doesn’t roll away far enough, sending Angle’s face into Shawn’s side. Shawn goes up again but Angle runs up the corner for the belly to belly off the top. Somehow that only gets two and Angle yells at Shawn, talking about how Michaels’ days are done. Shawn shoves him back and superkicks Angle down but he can’t follow up.

The cover eventually gets two and Shawn isn’t sure what to do now. He slowly stands up but Angle grabs the ankle lock again. Shawn tries to kick Angle off but Kurt won’t let go. They’re in the middle of the ring with Shawn writhing in pain. Angle puts on the grapevine and Shawn is all but dead. He hangs on for as long as he can before FINALLY tapping out to give Angle the win.

Rating: A+. Angle and Shawn at Wrestlemania having a masterpiece. Who would have ever seen that coming? The match was excellent all around and the match never stopped being great. They would have another masterpiece at Summerslam which again shouldn’t surprise anyone. Great match here and definitely worth seeing if you haven’t before.

Shawn gets the big ovation post match.

We get the Basic Instinct trailer which is Stacy Keibler flashing Jericho, Benoit and Christian while implying she and Trish are lesbians.

Moolah and Mae Young are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit with newly inducted Hall of Famer Roddy Piper. Apparently his guest is Steve Austin but it takes Piper forever to get to the entrance. Piper is pretty much rambling here as is his custom most of the time. Oh wait Piper says that he’s the toughest guy around here rather than Austin. Here’s the Rattlesnake for his annual cameo. They slap each other as this is supposed to be some epic encounter I think. Piper gets annoyed at the WHAT chants but gets into the concept pretty quickly.

This goes on WAY too long as Piper says that he’s the real rebel instead of Austin. Austin makes fun of the way Piper looks and asks if he’s supposed to be scared or intimidated. Piper says they’re failing to communicate and here’s Carlito of all people. Piper thinks Carlito looks like Alfalfa and insults are traded. Carlito has his own apple spat in his face by Roddy so Piper is beaten down. Austin beats up Carlito, beer is consumed and Austin Stuns both guys. This went on WAY too long and was more awkward than anything else.

We get the Taxi Driver trailer which is most of the roster trying to do “You talking to me?” with very mixed results. Batista does a Who’s On First bit as he asks for his line and the script guy keeps saying “You talking to me?” constantly frustrating Big Dave. Good stuff.

Akebono vs. Big Show

Time for our “celebrity” match of the year. Akebono, a grand sumo champion, is going to face Big Show in a sumo match. There’s a circle in the ring (that’s kind of overkill) and you have to knock the other guy out of it or off his feet to win. Show of course is in the sumo thong because what else would you expect from him?

The big idea here is that Akebono is outweighed for the first time ever. They spend way too long setting this up before the whole match lasts like a minute with Akebono throwing Show out of the circle. Seriously, that’s it. Total waste of time here. Yes, a legit sumo grand champion beat a guy with no idea what he was doing.

We recap Cena vs. JBL which is a culture clash. The idea is simple: Cena is the new young guy who is popular with the fans while JBL is old, rich and reserved. JBL has held the title forever and someone has to stop him eventually. Cena has been at war with JBL and his Cabinet as well so it’s basically 4-1 tonight. JBL has spent months insulting Cena’s life and family because Cena can’t touch him without losing his title shot. JBL couldn’t touch him either or he would lose the title, so Cena spraypainted a lot of JBL’s stuff.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL gets a police escort for his limo as JBL dollars fall from the sky. Surprisingly enough the champ sends Orlando Jordan and the Bashams to the back before the match. This is one of the rare instances where “My Time Is Now” is very appropriate. It’s a feeling out process to start but Cena runs into a boot in the corner. The champion starts pounding away in the corner and there’s the fallaway slam for good measure.

JBL chokes away on the ropes as this is in very slow mode to start. They slug it out for a bit but Cena charges into a spinebuster to put him down again. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion and a big clothesline gets two on Cena. JBL puts on a sleeper but Cena counters into a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we head to the floor for a neckbreaker by the champion.

Back in and JBL puts Cena down with a superplex for a delayed two as the crowd is mostly dead. Layfield goes up but dives into a powerslam for no cover. Cena comes back with his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Cena pumps up his shoes and after ducking the Clothesline, the FU (now called the AA) gives Cena his first of many world titles.

Rating: D. This was a REALLY dull match as JBL was freaking terrible in the ring at this point. He was so slow and lethargic and the match never worked at all. The ending sucked too as JBL didn’t even hit his finisher before taking the FU for the pin. Their rematch at Judgment Day was WAY better as it was a total brawl which suited JBL to perfection.

We do the Hall of Fame stuff. The class is introduced and Orndorff is far more impressed with Miss Jackie than anything else. The class this year is Volkoff, Iron Sheik, Orndorff, Bob Orton, Jimmy Hart, Piper and Hogan. Guess who gets the biggest reaction by far.

Wrestlemania 22 is in Chicago.

We recap the main event. HHH was world champion for the better part of ever in Evolution but Batista was becoming the big star. In January Batista won the Royal Rumble and got to pick HHH or JBL to challenge at Wrestlemania. Batista overheard HHH and Flair calling Batista stupid and HHH’s days were numbered.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. HHH

Since this is HHH, he gets the big entrance with Motorhead before Batista comes out, meaning Batista gets a much weaker entrance. Little things like that are why people can’t stand the guy. The singer for Motorhead BUTCHERS the song, but then again it isn’t likely one he sings that often. Oh and HHH rises through the stage with the band and gets to pose with them before Batista just walks out. For a big old school fan like HHH, it’s pretty interesting that he comes out first like that, no? Batista also doesn’t have pyro yet so he looks like he’s having a seizure on the stage. No I Walk Alone yet either.

They lock up to start with HHH shoving him against the ropes. The locking up continues with Batista not being able to shove HHH down like a power guy should be doing. A shoulder block puts HHH down but HHH gets to run Batista over this time. You know, so it’s clear that HHH is every bit as strong. A Pedigree is countered and Batista powerslams the champion down. Big Dave hits some shots to the face in the corner followed by a backdrop. Dang they’re really cranking this up now.

HHH hits the jumping knee to the face to send Batista back to the floor. Yet again, Batista can’t get anything going at all. Batista gets distracted by Flair and is sent into the steps by the champ. Back in and HHH drops an elbow on Batista’s back to keep control as this has been mostly one sided so far. Flair gets in some choking and HHH drops more elbows on the back. A suplex puts Batista down for two as this is already going slowly. Flair chokes away even more before HHH guillotines Batista out to the floor.

We get the “deliberate pace” line from JR which means “dear freaking goodness DO SOMETHING ALREADY!”. Batista hits some right hands to wake the crowd up a bit but there’s the HHH spinebuster to make sure HHH doesn’t look bad at all. The Pedigree is countered with a backdrop but there’s the facebuster to stop Batista again. We’re eleven minutes into this match and it’s ALL HHH so far. The Game goes up but jumps into a clothesline followed by a side slam for two.

The fans don’t get fired up of course though and they have no reason to. Batista’s offense has been stopped cold every time and there it is again as he charges into a boot in the corner. Batista throws him to the floor but YET AGAIN HHH stops him by sending him into the steps. The Pedigree on the steps is countered into a catapult into the post to bust the champion open. Back in and Batista pounds on the cut before clotheslining him in the corner.

The pace is still REALLY slow again because Heaven forbid we get an exciting main event. They head to the floor again where Batista lays out Flair as the referee disarms HHH with a chair. The referee goes down so here’s Flair for interference. HHH gets in a belt shot for two and the fans FINALLY wake up a bit. The spinebuster puts HHH down but the momentum is broken up AGAIN with a low blow. The Pedigree is blocked though and it’s something that we would call White Noise and Batista Bomb to give Batista the title.

Rating: C-. Oh dear. This wasn’t about Batista winning the title but rather about HHH losing it. Instead of looking dominant, Batista looked like a guy who survived against HHH, which is one of the last things you want to do to make a new star. Just WAY too much HHH on offense here and it brought the match way down, especially for a match that was supposed to be Batista’s coming out party.

Batista celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s some really lame stuff here but the historical significance of the main events more than make up for their lackluster in ring material. The MITB match and Angle vs. Shawn are more than worth seeing and Orton vs. Undertaker isn’t bad. Most of the matches here fall under not bad and the show is a letdown as a result. Still though, it’s good stuff, but it could have been legendary.

Ratings Comparison

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Kane

Original: A

Redo: B+

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Original: F+

Redo: F

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Akebono vs. Big Show

Original: F

Redo: N/A

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena

Original: D

Redo: D

HHH vs. Batista

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just about everything was a step lower this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/29/history-of-wrestlemania-wrestlemania-21-best-ad-campaign-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Wrestler of the Day – March 18: Brock Lesnar

We’re going into Beast Mode today. It’s Brock Lesnar.

Brock started off in OVW as part of the Minnesota Stretching Crew with partner Shelton Benjamin. They proved to be an awesome tag team and would work dark matches on Raw, such as this one from May 15, 2001.

Minnesota Stretching Crew vs. Disciples of Synn

Shelton and Damien get things going with Benjamin speeding things up. He hits a bad looking dragon whip before it’s off to Brock for some BIG suplexes on both Disciples. Back to Shelton for a double Rock Bottom on Payne, only to have Damien pop in for a sitout spinebuster. Damien gets two off a spinebuster to Shelton before it’s back to Payne for an Impaler DDT.

Synn (Jim Cornette’s future wife) chokes Shelton before Damien snaps off a suplex. Benjamin comes back with a sunset flip to both Disciples at the same time. The hot tag brings in Brock as everything breaks down. Brock cleans house and press slams Synn, setting up the Shooting Star to Payne (he was over halfway across the ring. That’s not human) for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much to see but Brock’s flip was INSANE. The Disciples weren’t much to see but Synn was absolutely hated in the OVW region and that’s all they needed to work. Brock and Shelton would of course be far more famous in the future but unfortunately the Shooting Star wasn’t famous for the right reasons.

Brock would debut in the WWF the night after Wrestlemania XVIII. He would destroy everyone in sight, setting up his first match against Jeff Hardy at Backlash 2002.

Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is still using generic ominous music here. Hardy goes right at him and is easily thrown to the floor. Hardy tries to speed it up but dives into Lesnar’s arms. He manages to ram Brock into the post and hits a top rope cross body back in for two. Brock shrugs that off and rams Hardy into the corner with the shoulders.

The destruction begins as Brock throws him around and Heyman yells that it’s Lita’s fault. Jeff gets in some punches but he can’t do much with them. A Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere puts Lesnar down as does the jawbreaker. Swanton gets two so it’s chair time. Brock picks him up with ease and hits the F5. Three powerbombs and it’s called off.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a way to make Lesnar look completely awesome and dominant. Those powerbombs were awesome and Jeff’s masterful selling helped them all that much more. Throw in Lita looking especially great and this worked quite well.

His first major challenge would be the King of the Ring tournament, where he would make the finals against Rob Van Dam.

KOTR Finals: RVD vs. Brock Lesnar

Ok, does ANYONE here think RVD can win? If you do, you’re a freaking idiot. Van Dam uses his kicks to start and goes for the legs which makes sense I guess. And there we are as Lesnar just beats the tar out of him. We go through the standard beating that you would expect as they’re keeping things simple here. Why do otherwise I guess? Lesnar hits all of his big power stuff and it works quite well.

He hits the bearhug but Van Dam gets out, making him better than Hogan I guess. RVD makes his comeback and actually hits the Five Star, but Heyman interferes and snaps his neck over the ropes. The problem is that RVD lands on Lesnar for the cover and it gets a long two. See, that’s smart and clever as they make Lesnar look strong by having him kick out, especially when Van Dam rarely covers right after the move anyway.

That’s well thought out and it maks Lesnar look good. Van Dam goes up but gets caught in an F5 which looked great for the pin to give Brock the crown in a 6 minute match. Can we please have a long one? Would it kill you?

Rating: C+. They kept Brock protected here and it worked fine. He’s kind of like Sheamus but not really. They’re not letting him be in there too long at a time and it’s letting him look awesome without being able to pick out his mistakes and flaws that really are pretty obvious. This was fine for what it was as Brock is more or less catapulted into the main event picture off of one win.

Now the King, and #1 contender for the WWE Championship at Summerslam 2002, Brock would get a bit bigger match on Smackdown on August 8, 2002.

Brock Lesnar vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan has talked Brock into putting the title shot on the line earlier in the night.. Heyman: “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?????” They circle each other for awhile until Hogan is shoved out of a lockup. Brock takes him down and stomps away but Hogan no sells a slam. A bunch of right hands knock Lesnar into the corner and a clothesline gets two. It’s not often that you see Hogan get a near fall. Lesnar is sent outside but a Heyman distraction allows Brock to crotch Hogan against the post.

He stomps away at Hogan and tells the fans to cheer for their hero. They head outside so Brock can set up the announce table but it gives Hogan the breather he needs. Brock is sent into the steps but he comes back with a running powerbomb out of the corner for two. It’s already Hulk Up time but Brock is up before the legdrop.

Hogan escapes the F5 and hits the boot/legdrop but Brock THROWS Hogan off at two. Heyman breaks up another legdrop attempt and there’s the F5. Lesnar won’t cover, even when Heyman shouts not to waste time because Hogan is different. There’s a bearhug and for one of the only times I can remember, the arm goes down three times to give Lesnar the win.

Rating: C. That would be Hogan’s last match for six months. It’s definitely a big win because of how it happened and to whom, but Hogan had already tapped out to Angle at King of the Ring, so it’s not like this was unheard of. Still though, it’s Hogan getting knocked out by a hold which isn’t something you see every day.

Next up was the title shot against Rock at Summerslam 2002.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar has his agent Paul Heyman with him. Rock charges into the ring and walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. Lesnar hits a pair of backbreakers for two and we head to the floor with Brock clotheslining him into the crowd. Apparently Rock has bad ribs coming into this match. Back in and Brock hits another overhead belly to belly suplex for two before dropping some elbows. A powerslam puts Rock down for two as this is one sided so far. Brock fires off some shoulder in the corner but misses a charge and hits the post.

Rock hits a belly to back suplex of his own and both guys are down. Both guys nip up at the same time and Rock isn’t sure what to think. Rock hits some clotheslines but it takes three of them to finally drop Brock. The champion hooks a Sharpshooter and Brock is in trouble. Heyman throws in a chair which distracts Rocky, allowing Lesnar to to get out and blast Rock in the ribs with the chair. Off to the bearhug which ended Hogan and takes Rock down to the mat here.

The fans are entirely behind Lesnar here which is very strange to hear. Rock doesn’t let his arm drop a third time and now we get a Rocky chant. The champion finally escapes the hold but gets a hard shoulder into the ribs to slow him down again. Rock comes out of the corner with a running clothesline and the crowd reaction is mixed at best. A series of right hands knocks Lesnar out to the floor and Rock loads up the announce table. After scaring Heyman to death, Rock launches Lesnar face first into the post.

There’s a Rock Bottom through the table for Heyman and the announcers couldn’t be happier. Back in and the Rock Bottom hits Lesnar for a VERY close two. The fans shift affiliation again, now cheering for Brock. Their current hero hits a Rock Bottom of his own for two and both guys stagger to their feet. Rock hits the spinebuster but as he loads up the Elbow, Brock pops up and hits a HUGE clothesline. Here comes the F5 but Rock escapes and tries the Rock Bottom. That and another attempt at the same move are both countered and the F5 gives Lesnar the title.

Rating: B-. The match was just ok until the very hot finish, but the last two minutes or so made up for a lot of the earlier problems. This was a great example of how to make a guy like Lesnar look like a monster. Rock left to film The Rundown immediately after this so Lesnar was the only one left standing. Great way to put Brock over here and a pretty solid match overall.

Brock’s first opponent was the Undertaker, who he faced inside the Cell at No Mercy 2002.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

In the Cell remember. Taker keeps lunging at Brock and gets taken to the mat for his trouble. Big powerslam gets two for the champion and there’s the cast to Lesnar’s ribs after he misses a charge in the corner. Brock tries to escape but can’t get out so he hammers on the arm instead. He goes with an armbar which isn’t something you often see in a Cell match.

Taker blasts him in the head with it which is a double edged sword. Actually it’s a hard cast but you get the metaphor. Brock is busted BAD. Heyman is all freaked out. Brock is bleeding but there’s been worse in ECW so I guess he’s mellowed. They hit the floor and Taker beats the tar out of him and covers on the floor for two. You can do that? I don’t remember that before.

More cast shots which all of a sudden don’t hurt him. I guess he’s lucky that the shot he got kicked in sometime between the first big shot with it and this set of them. Lesnar gets put in place for the apron legdrop but Taker goes up and drops a knee (I think) from the top instead for two on the floor again. Heyman shouts at Brock to get away from Taker. Taker kicks Heyman through the cage in a nice shot.

He follows that up by grabbing Paul’s tie and pulling on it to slam him into the cage. Taker gets out of the way of a charging Brock who crashes into Heyman too. Dang he’s taken a beating tonight. Brock gets a good shot in though and sends him into the cage. Heyman is busted open too. He slips his belt in and ties Taker up with it so Lesnar can annihilate him a bit. Heyman shouting YOU’RE GONNA DIE is great stuff.

Lesnar, a 300lb beast, swings a chair about ten times to drill Taker’s hand each time. So in other words, Taker is probably in need of major surgery now on it. Let’s see if it hurts at all. Brock gets the cast off or at least tries to. Heyman sounds demonic out there. There goes the cast completely as they’re actually in the ring now.

In a cool spot, Brock sits him on the top rope and uses the top of the cage to lift himself up and throw kicks at Taker. Taker blocks a superplex despite being more or less dead. He knocks Lesnar to the mat and manages to drop an elbow off the top with the right hand and seems to be just fine. Shocking isn’t it? I’m not used to seeing Taker’s bare hand. Taker kicks Brock into the cage and has momentum again.

Taker dives through the ropes and more or less completely misses but Brock sells it anyway. Cole thinks Taker’s broken right hand could be a weakness for him. Wow indeed. Steps to the head take Taker down again and busts him open. More steps to the head and Taker is more or less done. His face is COVERED in blood.

Back in the ring Brock gets a big spinebuster for two. ZERO pop for the kickout. And naturally Taker is able to throw big right hands and is “running on adrenaline” apparently. Oh give me a break. The blood on the camera is always a nice touch. Old School is blocked and Brock takes over again. Tazz: Undertaker has never been pinned or submitted. What the heck is this guy on?

F5 is reversed into a chokeslam for two which gets a bigger pop than the kickout did a minute ago. Brock goes for a Last Ride and is reversed. DDT gets two. Sweet GOODNESS Taker is bleeding badly. Brock does the punches in the corner which Taker counters with the Last Ride for two as Brock’s bloody hand grabs the rope.

In something SICK on the cover, Taker’s blood drips onto Brock’s face. That’s not good at all and really isn’t safe in the slightest. That’s a big reason as to why the blood policy is a good thing. Taker goes for the Tombstone and Brock is like screw this let’s end it and counters it before literally throwing Taker onto his shoulders for the F5 to retain. We then get what is supposed to be an iconic scene as he grabs the title and climbs to the top of the Cell where he holds it over his head to end the show.

Rating: C. Hard one to call here as the match itself is more or less crap. It’s about 27 minutes long and at least 15 of that is spent on the floor. Taker’s hand thing was eye rolling levels of stupid as all of a sudden a shot is able to heal 5 chair shots from Brock Lesnar to a broken hand. Brock looked great here, but the main reason this is a decent grade is the blood.

If you like bloody matches, RUN out and find a copy of this show. Taker’s blood is absolutely insane as you can’t see his face and it looks like there’s a hole in his forehead. It’s a big brawl but Taker was really looking bad out there, both from how his face looked to how he was working. I didn’t like the match, but the blood was insane.

Brock would lose the title to Big Show at Survivor Series 2002 when Heyman turned on him. His only path back to the title was winning the Royal Rumble, which Brock did with relative ease. This earned him a showdown with Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania XIX.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

If Angle is disqualified or counted out or if anyone interferes, he loses the title. Lesnar has slightly injured ribs and Cole’s voice is almost gone. Brock sends him into the corner to start but Kurt takes him down to the mat with a front facelock. They fight over an armbar with neither guy being able to get extended control. Now it’s a fight over a headlock as the fast paced mat work continues.

Lesnar rolls Angle off and it’s a standoff. Brock takes him down with an armdrag into an armbar but Kurt grabs a rope. He pounds away at Brock’s back but Lesnar fires off some shoulders into Angle’s ribs in the corner. A powerslam puts Angle down for two but Angle comes right back with a German suplex. After Brock hits a fast gorilla press, Angle hits another German to send Brock’s ribs into the buckle.

Angle goes after the ribs like a barracuda, stomping away in the corner before hooking a chinlock with a bodyscissors. He shifts it into a kind of crossface grip before into a chinlock. A knee to Brock’s back sends him out to the floor but as they come back inside, Brock plants him down with a spinebuster. Lesnar fires off some clotheslines and shoulders in the corner, only to charge into an elbow. Brock is fine with that by snapping off an overhead belly to belly and another one for two.

Kurt comes back with Rolling Germans and Brock is spent. Angle’s neck is bothering him though and you can see his eyes not looking right. The Angle Slam is countered into an F5 attempt but Angle reverses that into the ankle lock. Brock gets the rope but Angle pulls him back without the hold being broken. For some reason that’s ok with the referee and Kurt switches it up to a half crab. Brock finally kicks Angle away and launches him out to the floor.

The champ hits a SWEET release German on Brock for two and the Angle Slam gets the same. Lesnar comes back with the Angle Slam for two of his own as the fans are getting way into this now. Back to the ankle lock by Kurt and he hooks the grapevine for good measure. Brock somehow makes it to the rope, which I believe is the only time anyone has escaped the grapevine version of the ankle lock.

F5 is countered into a small package but the Angle Slam is countered into another F5 which connects for no cover. Instead Brock goes to the top rope for the famous spot of the match, as he completely botches a Shooting Star Press, landing square on his head. With Lesnar’s brains somewhere in Bermuda, Angle covers for two. Lesnar stands up, hits another F5, and wins the title before heading off for medical attention. The gone look on Brock’s face is terrifying.

Rating: B+. It’s another very good match, but it’s still not a masterpiece. The botch is the main thing that people remember but the match is still very good for the most part. Angle competing in this condition was freaking STUPID at the end of the day and it’s no wonder that he’s basically insane now. Very good match though and a good way to start Lesnar’s second title reign.

The next month Brock would defend against this upstart phenom who you may have heard of.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

 

This would be a very different match today. I mean imagine: CENA ON SMACKDOWN? That’s hilarious. Cena comes out in a Yankees jersey and raps about being better than Sammartino. He’s iron like the Sheik and has us in his camel clutches. Cena jumps him from behind and we’re ready to go. This is Lesnar’s first defense since Mania. Lesnar grabs him into a backbreaker and hits two of them followed by a fallaway slam.

 

Brock hooks a front facelock on the mat and the fans think this is boring. That’s so weird to hear in a Cena match. A kind of fisherman’s suplex puts Cena down. Lesnar hits a gorilla press and we head outside. Cena goes into the announce table as this has been ALL Brock for the first few minutes. Back in Cena avoids a clothesline and heads right back to the floor. John manages to reverse a whip into the steps and gets a breather.

 

Brock is bleeding from a bandaged cut he had coming in. Belly to back gets two for the challenger. Cena knocks him to the floor and rams Brock’s head into the post again. That gets two so it’s chinlock time. Brock has a cut that looks like the kind Hogan used to get: it’s all jagged. The hold doesn’t last long as Lesnar charges into a big old spinebuster which puts both guys down.

 

Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Now the Dr. is getting frustrated so he puts on a rear naked choke of sorts. Cena’s eyes look crazy here. Brock gets up and rams Cena’s back into the corner three times to break the hold. That would be opposite corners which makes it even more impressive. Brock gets all fired up and hits a bunch of clotheslines and a spinebuster for two. Powerslam gets the same. Brock almost gets rammed into the referee but he puts on the brakes. Low blow gets two for Cena and the Throwback gets two. Cena picks up the chain but as it’s taken away he walks into the F5 for the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Not bad here but man is it weird to see Cena as such an underdog. This wasn’t really a match with a chance of having a new champion, but rather giving Brock a good first match as champion. Cena was obviously going to get better but for a first time out there, this was fine. Why they don’t do this more often today is beyond me. Why not throw out something like Kofi for a title match if you have a bigger main event such as Rock vs. Goldberg.

Next up was a triple threat title match against Kurt Angle and Big Show at Vengeance 2003.

WWF World Title: Big Show vs. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

This is No DQ which is announced just as the match is about to begin. Big Show is the only villain coming into this match. Angle and Lesnar stare each other down before double teaming Big Show. Kurt is sent to the floor and a quick chokeslam gets two on the champion. Angle is back in now and pounds away on Show but can’t hook the German suplex on the monster. A cross body is caught by Show but Angle escapes the slam attempt and tries the ankle lock, only to be kicked off very quickly.

Brock is back in now and pounds on the big man but he can’t lift him up for the F5. Show’s Final Cut gets two but here’s Angle with some trashcan lids for himself and Lesnar to pound the giant in the head. They try a double suplex, only to be suplexed down instead. Show loads up a double chokeslam but Angle and Brock team up to chokeslam him down. Like any other triple threat match though, they start fighting over who gets the pin. There’s an F5 to Angle but Kurt rolls to the floor.

Big Show gets caught in an F5 as well but Angle pulls the referee out to break up the near fall. Angle is whipped into the steps and post by Lesnar before the champion heads back in to fight the monster some more. Kurt is busted open as Big Show headbutts Brock in the ring. Big Show loads up a superplex on Brock, which is a worry because the last time this happened they literally broke the ring. An Angle distraction lets Brock drop to the mat though for a powerbomb on Big Show, only to be broken up by a chair shot from Kurt.

Everyone heads back to the floor where Big Show kicks a chair into Angle’s face. Show loads up the announce table and Brock is busted open as well. The chokeslam to Angle is countered though and there’s the Angle Slam to put Show through the table. Both guys are down though until Angle starts to stir. Brock and Angle get back inside and share a stare down. Both guys stagger to their feet and slug it out with Brock trying the F5, only to have Angle grab the rope and land on the apron.

Lesnar follows him to the floor where Angle sends him into the steps. Back in and Angle starts rolling the German suplexes but the Angle Slam is countered into a spinebuster for two for the champion. Brock puts on a chinlock with a grapevine which has Angle in trouble. As Angle’s arm drops twice, here’s Big Show with a legdrop on Lesnar to break up the hold.

Show takes his strap down and chokeslams both guys at the same time for two each. Brock kicks the monster low but Angle pounds away at Lesnar to slow him down. Lesnar misses a charge into the post and there’s the ankle lock on the champ. Kurt has to let it go so he can hit the Angle Slam on Big Show. Another Angle Slam on Lesnar is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This was another good match with Brock and Angle being able to show off by throwing Big Show around. It wasn’t as entertaining as last year’s version, but this was more about setting up Lesnar vs. Angle II the next month at Summerslam. The match was good though which is the right idea for the first Smackdown only PPV.

Brock would get a rematch in a 60 minute Iron Man match on September 18, 2003. That’s not something you see every day.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is champion coming in. This is an iron man match with a sixty minute time limit. There’s a 15 second rest period after each fall. The challenger is the heel. Lesnar jumps him to start and we have a big old clock in the corner. Brock beats him down to start but Angle fires back with some clotheslines. Angle gets a shot to the knee and Brock chills on the floor.

He stays out there until about 8 and the knee isn’t right. Brock asks for time but he was just channeling his inner Bret Hart as he plays possum. Angle doesn’t mind and hits a set of armdrags to send Brock out to the floor. Lesnar grabs the steps but tosses them back instead of using them. He slides in at 9 and goes right back out to break the count. Well it’s not like they don’t have a lot of time to kill.

Brock breaks the count again and make it three times. Four times now. Angle is getting ticked which might be Lesnar’s plan. We’re five minutes into the clock now and we haven’t really gotten anything going but they have plenty of time. Angle goes for the knee and Brock hits the floor AGAIN. Angle charges at him and Brock nails him to finally take over. Angle snaps off a suplex and clotheslines Brock to the floor where he holds the knee again.

Lesnar is down and holding the knee but this time Angle goes after him. He rams Brock into the steps head first and they slug it out. Brock gets the better of that and rams Kurt into the post back first. He goes to grab a chair and pops Angle in the head with it for a DQ at about nine minutes. Brock lays Angle out with the chair a bunch of times but it’s in the rest period so it doesn’t count.

Brock grabs some water at ringside. Does that mean there’s a conspiracy against him? Angle is barely able to stand so Brock drills him with an F5 to tie it up at 49:38 to go. Brock kicks him in the ribs and asks Angle if he wants to tap. Lesnar puts the ankle lock on Kurt and he taps to make it 2-1 at 47:21. We take a break and come back at 44 minutes left with Lesnar breaking an Angle rally with a knee to the ribs.

During the break Brock hit an Angle Slam for two. Brock charges but his shoulder goes into the post. Angle gets a forearm smash and it’s German time. Angle comes at Brock but gets sent back outside. Brock whips him into the railing HARD and this an F5 on the floor for the countout to go up 3-1 at 20 minutes in.

We take a break and come back with Angle in control after hitting some suplexes during the break. Lesnar knocks Kurt to the floor with an elbow and takes over soon thereafter. We’re at 35 minutes left now as Brock gets two off an elbow drop. Angle reverses an Irish whip into the Angle Slam and it’s 3-2 at 34 minutes to go. We’re told that if this goes to a tie we’ll have overtime.

Kurt pounds away but the Angle Slam is countered into an F5 attempt which is countered into the ankle lock. Brock rolls through and Angle manages to avoid the referee. Brock however drills him in the head with a clothesline so when Angle hits the Angle Slam, there’s no referee. Brock hits Angle low and grabs the title. A shot to the head of Angle puts him down and the referee wakes up to make it 4-2 Brock at 29:30 to go.

We take a break and come back with Angle on the floor with 25 minutes to go. Angle pulls him to the floor and hammers away, sending Brock into the steps. With Brock on the outside, Angle goes back in and up top to hit a double axe to Brock’s back. That only gets two back inside though. Kurt goes up again and hits the missile dropkick for a close two. The moonsault that hits once a decade doesn’t hit here and both guys are down.

Angle grabs a rollup for two so Brock takes his head off with a clothesline. Brock gets all ticked off and throws Angle over his head without leaving his own feet. Well that was awesome. It only gets two though and both guys are down. Kurt reverses another belly to belly into the ankle lock but Brock rolls through to send Angle to the floor. Angle goes into the steps again and back to the ring we go.

That only gets two in the ring as we have 20 minutes left with with score 4-2 Brock. Lesnar unhinges some steps but Angle hits a baseball slide to send them into Brock’s face. Kurt looks like his shoulder is hurt from going into the steps. Angle gets an elbow for two as we take a break. Back and it’s 5-2 as Brock hit a superplex for a fall during the break.

We have 14 minuets to go and it’s 5-2 Brock. Brock takes him outside and tries to F5 Angle into the post but Angle reverses to give Brock an F5 into the post with the bad knee hitting the steel. Back inside and Angle throws on a half crab which is very smart. Brock makes the ropes so Angle throws on the ankle lock. Lesnar STILL doesn’t tap so Kurt stomps away at the leg/ankle.

Kurt charges in at Brock but gets caught in an F5. Brock can’t counter though and can only get a delayed two. Lesnar goes up top but Angle pops up for the running belly to belly and it’s 5-3 with 9:50 to go. Angle wins a slugout and pounds Brock down in the corner. Angle puts the straps back up which is a new one for him. He tries to load up the Angle Slam but Brock grabs a DDT for two.

Kurt misses a right hand and Lesnar hits a German. Make that two Germans. Would you believe three Germans? He tries a fourth (there has been a lot of laying around between them so about 90 seconds passed for all those Germans) but Angle counters into two Germans of his own. Angle rolls through something into the ankle lock and in more or less the same ending at Summerslam, Brock can’t find a rope and taps with 4:11 to go.

Four minutes left and both guys are down. Brock still leads 5-4. They’re still down with 3:30 left. Kurt grabs the hold again but Brock rolls through to escape. They’re both down again but Kurt is up and stomping away with three minutes left. Bow and arrow hold, which is like a side version of the STF, goes on to eat up some time. Brock wisely heads to the floor with two minutes left.

Smart strategy there as Lesnar only has to play defense and run the clock out to win the title. Kurt puts the ankle lock on Brock outside but back inside we go. Brock runs again so Kurt rams him into the steps. Angle hits some rolling Germans back in the ring and we hit a minute to go. He hits four Germans but this is taking way too long. Brock kicks him low with 30 seconds left but it’s not seen. Ankle lock with the grapevine is on with 15 seconds left but Lesnar hangs on to win the title and end the show.

Rating: B. This match runs into the exact same problem that is more or less unavoidable for these matches: you can more or less skip the first 55 minutes and you still see the exciting parts. An hour is too long, even when the guys are having an entertaining match. This was good, but like I said the vast majority of it is just waiting for Angle to make his big comeback. However it does fly by as taking out commercials it runs about 46-48 minutes. Good match, but not a good idea for TV.

Lesnar would turn heel again soon after this and join forces with Mr. McMahon. He would defend his title at No Way Out 2004 against Eddie Guerrero.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock comes out first here for some reason. Soon after this the music would change from We Lie, We Cheat, We Steal to I Lie, I Cheat, I Steal which was good I though. Fans are TOTALLY behind Eddie here which is no surprise. We have about 40 minutes left in the tape so this is getting A LOT of time. Eddie can’t do anything to start so like an idiot he keeps charging.

All Brock to start here. A rana is blocked into a powerbomb and then Brock just tosses him away as Eddie’s selling is awesome. Brock gets a big running high knee in the corner. If he had done that to Velasquez he might have the belt still. Eddie gets knocked to the floor and has had NOTHING so far. He finally gets something going as he gets Lesnar’s leg around the post and gets him down, opening a door for him.

So much for that as Brock gets a modified Fisherman’s suplex into a kind of slam for two. Jawbreaker gets him out of a rear naked choke. So I guess Eddie is better than Shane Carwin as he can escape a Lesnar choke. Eddie gets a dropkick and then gets his head taken off by a clothesline. Semi-botched German has Eddie on the brink here. Not really but I like how that sounds.

Brock goes for another knee in the corner but crashes to the floor. Eddie adds a plancha and both guys are a bit weakened now. Brock hits a hot shot to take over AGAIN. It’s been about 95% Brock so far but Eddie is hanging in there. Eddie gets a knee lock out of nowhere. Brock gets caught in a leg hold. I’m shocked too. He shifts into an STF and the fans ERUPT.

Figure four doesn’t work as Brock kicks him away. Eddie keeps him down but can’t do much as Brock just keeps firing him off. BIG belly to belly by Brock has Eddie in trouble again. A headscissors has Brock in trouble and now back to the knee. There’s the figure four and it’s not bad. After nearly a minute in the hold Brock realizes he’s next to the ropes and gets free.

More leg work as Cole speculates that Eddie could actually do this. STF again as Brock is in trouble but not for long as he just rolls out. Brock gets a big old spinebuster to take over again and locks on a bad looking crossface chicken wing. Off to a sleeper/chinlock kind of thing but here comes Eddie again, driving Brock’s face into the buckle to break it up. Missile dropkick misses though as Eddie is in trouble again. Great story being told here.

Brock SELLS THE KNEE by lifting his leg up when he gets a vertical suplex. Little things like that are what I mean by selling. Brock shouting at Eddie to die is rather creepy. He gets a gutwrench hold on the mat and Eddie is in trouble again. The perk of a guy like Brock is that even a basic hold like that looks devastating when he does it. Eddie gets back and hits Three Amigos. Frog Splash misses though as this is an excellent match.

The most ridiculous looking ref bump I can remember in a long time happens as Eddie kicks the referee while taking an F5. It was just bad looking with how obvious it was. Either that or the referee is really, really stupid. Brock hits the floor and grabs the belt but GOLDBERG is back and spears the heck out of Lesnar.

Eddie covers for two and misses a belt shot. I love the way Brock throws boots to the ribs. Eddie counters an F5 into a DDT “onto the belt” which misses by about 6 inches and hits the Frog Splash to blow the roof off the place and win the title and do the unthinkable which I was typing before Taz said it. I’m no Eddie fan, but that is a cool moment.

Rating: A. This was an excellent match that got over thirty minutes. The ending was solid as Eddie cheated a bit but that was what he did. Also it was his Frog Splash that ended it rather than anything else. Eddie isn’t someone I can get into as much as his fans do but this was easily his crowning glory and the match worked very well. Probably Brock’s best non-Angle match and one of Eddie’s best ever which is saying a lot as he’s a great wrestler in his own right.

Around this time Brock decided he was done with wrestling and wanted to become a professional football player. With Wrestlemania XX coming up, a showdown was set up with Goldberg. However, Goldberg was also leaving soon, making this one of the most interesting matches in WWE history.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

The catch here is that both guys are leaving and the fans know it, so they boo them both out of the building. Goldie gets his full entrance from the back. The fans IMMEDIATELY start chanting YOU SOLD OUT at Lesnar who is going to the NFL after this match. They circle each other and Austin says get to it. Now the fans sing the GOODBYE song with the guys still making zero contact over a minute in. The fans chant for the referee as Goldberg looks at Austin. Still no contact. After nearly THREE MINUTES of circling each other they lock up.

Amusingly enough, Goldberg is said to have an advantage because he’s a mixed martial arts aficionado. They lock up and shove each other away as it’s almost four minutes in without even a punch being thrown. We get a second lockup with the same result. The crowd is booing loudly now. Literally five minutes in Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first actual move of the match. They trade shoulder blocks with no one going anywhere. They collide again with both guys going down and we’re somehow six minutes into this match.

Now they stare at each other as the fans are about to riot. The fans cheer for HOGAN of all people and that’s FINALLY enough to get something going. Goldberg presses him over his head and drops him into a kind of spinebuster for two. The spear misses though and Goldberg hits the buckle chest first. The fans think Goldberg sucks as he is sent into the post. Back in and Brock gets two off a suplex and then hooks a modified headlock. The fans chant for Hogan again.

Back to the same headlock after a brief break before they collide again. Brock gets two as Austin is still a complete non factor. He seems to be the rodeo clown out there to keep everything from falling apart. Well, falling completely apart because we’re long past falling apart. JR is polite and calls this match pedestrian. Goldberg comes back with some clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker of all things as the Hogan chant starts again. There’s the spear for two but Goldie spends too much time arguing with Austin and walks into an F5 for two. Brock tries a spear but misses, so a spear and Jackhammer can finish Brock.

Rating: E. As in embarrassing, which is what this was. Have some pride out there people. I know you’re leaving and the fans don’t care, but man alive have some effort out there. If I was an NFL team and Brock gave that kind of a performance I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. No he doesn’t want to be there but that’s his job until his contract expires. This was embarrassing to watch and they deserve the booing they received. Austin added nothing here but he didn’t really need to.

Brock wouldn’t succeed in the NFL but, after a nice run in Japan, he would dominate the UFC for a few years and become World Heavyweight Champion. After a horrible illness ended his in ring career though, it was back to the WWE. His first match was against John Cena at Extreme Rules 2012.

John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

This is an Extreme Rules match which means they’re in wrestling gear. Well Lesnar is in MMA gear but you get the idea. The fans are more behind Cena than Lesnar. Cena charges right into a takedown and Brock comes at him with the strikes. Cena is cut on the left side of his head. Cena grabs a quick front facelock but Lesnar is WAY too strong. He poundso n Cena even more and the doctor comes in to check the cut. The replay shows that it was an elbow to the head. They close or at least stop the cut and go back to it.

Cena charges in again and Lesnar pounds him right down. Brock hammers on him and knocks Cena to the floor with a knee. The doctors stop it AGAIN to check the cut. Cena hits a quick elbow and tries the FU but Lesnar escapes and hits two rolling Germans. Lesnar’s Gonna Kill You chant. Cena comes back with some elbows and the shoulder block but there goes the referee.

Cena hits the ropes again but Lesnar runs him over. Lesnar goes for the open wound and rubs Cena’s blood on his own chest. Brock throws on an armbar (screw that kimura crap. This is wrestling) and then throws Cena to the floor instead of cranking on it. To the floor and Brock throws it on again but lets it go a second time, throwing Cena into the barricade.

Back in and Lesnar gets Cena’s chain and lock. He puts it down and chains Cena’s feet together. Cena gets up and Brock hits what might have been the hardest clothesline I’ve ever seen. With the legs still tied together, Brock puts him in the Tree of Woe. Brock goes after the referee but Cena escapes. That goes badly again as Brock whips him into the steps. AA is countered again into an F5 attempt but Cena’s legs hit the referee.

A second referee comes out but Lesnar throws him out too. The steps are brought in and Cena says Brock can’t see him. Back into the armbar and this time there’s a body vice. They’re on the steps and the fans care cheering for Cena. He picks Brock up into kind of a spinebuster but his arm is hanging limp. Cena goes up but misses the Fameasser. He was about an inch from hitting the steps too.

Cena rolls to the floor and is spent. Lesnar looks around bur can’t find Cena. He gets up on the steps and sees Cena (hehe) who can barely get back in. Cena gets up on the apron so Lesnar gets a running start from the steps and hits kind of a Poetry In Motion move but crashes to the floor and hurts his knee. He’s fine but Cena has the chain. Brock charges again and Cena gets in the chain shot to clock Lesnar. I think Brock is busted now. Oh yeah he is and Cena’s head has a lot of blood there too. An AA onto the steps gives Cena the pin at 18:05.

Rating: A. WOW. This is going to be a disputed rating but this was an absolute war. Cena got one homerun shot to win it but that’s all he needed. Lesnar dominated about 95% of the match but it was good enough to make both guys look great. Lesnar can come back but Cena has the first win, which sets up a rematch where Lesnar can beat him. I had a blast with this and Lesnar looks AMAZING.

We’ll skip over a year long feud with HHH and get to Summerslam 2013. The idea is simple: Heyman screwed CM Punk out of Money in the Bank so Punk swore revenge. Heyman brought Brock back for protection, setting up this showdown.

CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

The tagline for this match is perfect: the Best vs. the Beast. It’s also No DQ. I always forget how scary of a man Brock Lesnar is until he comes to the ring. Lesnar immediately drives him into the corner and no sells forearms to the head. Brock LAUNCHES him into the other corner and stomps Punk down before no selling knees to the ribs. Punk is thrown around again and rammed into another corner with raw power.

Lesnar brags a bit too much and Punk gets in a kick to the head and a pair of knees to the face to send Brock to the floor. The suicide dive takes Lesnar down and the fans go NUTS. Punk loads up the steps but Brock rams into them to knock Punk down. Brock fires off knees to the ribs but Punk posts him for a breather. A top rope dive puts Brock down again as Punk is giving this all he has. Punk dives off the announce table with a clothesline and Brock is in trouble.

CM makes the mistake of going after Heyman though and Brock gets in a shot to take over. Brock tosses Punk over the announce table in an amazing throw for an even better crash. Since he threw Punk over the table once, Lesnar has to throw him over the other side for good measure. An over head belly to belly sends Punk down onto the concrete and Punk is barely moving. Back in and Brock drives Punk into the corner with shoulders and puts on a bearhug.

Punk gets in some forearms to escape but a knee to the ribs puts him right back down. Back to the bearhug and we get a shot of the evil look on Heyman’s face. Punk comes back again with shots to the head but his high cross body is caught in a fallaway slam. A backbreaker sets up a suplex for three straight near falls. Off to a chinlock but Punk BITES THE EAR to get some separation. More shots to the head stagger Brock and a top rope knee to the chest knocks him into the corner.

Two more running knees to the corner have Brock reeling but Brock catches the third in a fireman’s carry. Punk drops behind Lesnar and hits a high kick, setting up the Macho Elbow (didn’t look good) for two. The GTS and F5 are countered into another high kick but the GTS is countered into the kimura. Punk spins out and hooks a cross armbreaker (GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT) and then a triangle choke of all things.

Brock raises his hand but powerbombs Punk down….but the hold isn’t broken! The hand is still in the air but Brock lifts Punk into the air. Punk fires off elbows to the head, only to be caught in a running powerbomb to kill Punk dead. Lesnar can’t follow up though and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two on Punk as Heyman is having a heart attack. Lesnar hits Three Amigos of all things for two before very slowly grabbing a chair. Punk gets up and dives onto Lesnar but he mostly hit chair.

Now it’s Punk with the chair and a few shots send Brock back inside. Lesnar gets the chair away but Punk goes low to stop Brock’s chair shot. Punk takes the chair up top and drops an elbow (kind of) onto Brock for a closer two. More chair shots to the back have Lesnar screaming in pain but Heyman takes the chair from Punk’s hands. Lesnar is up AGAIN but Punk grabs Heyman’s tie to escape the F5.

The GTS connects but Heyman comes in to break up the pin. Punk gets a big smile on his face as there’s no Brock to save Heyman, but the case winds up in the F5, which Punk counters into a faceplant for a VERY close two. The Anaconda Vice goes on but Heyman tries to come in with a chair, only to have Punk stand on the chair to block it.

Heyman slaps at Punk’s leg in a funny bit but gets caught by the neck. A right hand puts Heyman down and now he’s in the Vice but Lesnar is back up. He crushes Punk with the chair and hits him even harder the second time. A third shot knocks Punk silly and the F5 onto the chair ends this at 25:20.

Rating: A+. The storytelling and psychology alone made this a great match. I loved the idea that Punk kept taking the weapons away from Lesnar but once Brock got in the first chair shot the match was over. Punk showed he was smarter leading up to the match but his hatred for Heyman cost him in the end when he went on emotion instead of intelligence.

The action in this was incredible as well as it felt like a fight instead of a match, which is the right idea. If nothing else, this shows how bad of an idea the HHH feud was. Punk and Cena have both blown away all of the HHH matches with Lesnar by miles and miles, but we got a year of HHH and a month each of the other guys so far. Such is life in the WWE. Outstanding match here though.

I’m not sure what you want me to say here. Brock Lesnar is a once in a lifetime talent who had more physical gifts than entire rosters put together. However his attitude and lack of desire to stay on the road ended almost any long term career he was going to have. That being said he was around for a few years and blew the minds of almost everyone that watched him. I don’t think Brock Lesnar needs much of an explanation than that.

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XX: The Triple Threat Match

Wrestlemania XX
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole

We’re back where it all started so it can all begin again. I’m not sure what that means either but it’s the tag line of the show. The main event tonight is a triple threat match because what would a WWE show be without one of those? It’s HHH defending the title against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels, the latter of whom is here for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The other big match is Eddie Guerrero defending his newly won world title against Kurt Angle. There are some young guys getting their first Manai match tonight as well. Let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful.

We get a shot of Vince standing in the dark before going into a video on the last twenty years of Wrestlemania which is a pretty cool sight. This transitions into a very serious video about everyone talking about how huge this match is for them. We hear that it all begins again tonight, transitioning to a shot of Vince’s newborn granddaughter. Cool idea.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is challenging here and this is the culmination of a feud that lasted a few months. Show held the title for five months and defended it like three times. Cena does a rap before the match and is just INSANELY over. In New York. My how times have changed. Cena says Show can’t see him so Big shoves him into the corner. Show throws him to the floor but Cena guillotines him as they come back in. A cross body (why would you try that on Big Show?) is countered into a slam for two and the match slows down a lot.

The fans cheer for Cena as Show chops him in the corner. Cena comes back with some right hands but Show clotheslines him down with ease. Show stands on the bottom rope to crush it into Cena’s throat before a vertical suplex gets two. The champion stands on Cena’s back for good measure and drops a leg for two. Show tries a powerslam but gets caught in a sleeper, but the powers of fat break it up pretty easily.

There’s the cobra clutch by the champion for good measure but the fans applaud Cena to freedom. The hold goes right back on though and Cena is in more trouble. John slugs his way out again and gets a boot up to stop a charging Big Show. The FU hits but Show is out just a second after the two count. Since that didn’t work, Cena wraps a chain around his hand but when the referee takes them away, Cena gets brass knuckles to stun Big Show before a second FU gives him his first of many titles.

Rating: C. Slow match but this was a good choice for an opener. The fans were WAY into Cena as he was rapidly becoming the hottest thing in the company (until the rise of Batista of course). The FU was a great visual to open things up as fans are always going to react to freakish displays of strength like that. Good opener here and the fans are hotter than they already were, which is the right idea.

Coach is in the back talking to various people before going in to see Eric Bischoff. Eric sends him to find Undertaker.

Evolution (minus HHH of course) talks about taking out Mick Foley tonight and we get a clip of Orton kicking Foley down a flight of stairs 10 months ago to start the feud. They just happen to be in front of the same stairs, which is a great touch. Instead of having them show us the stairs in a photo, it adds atmosphere which is missing in most promos today. We see Foley walking away from Orton over the months and Evolution destroying Foley over the same months. Tonight it’s Rock teaming with Foley against Evolution in a handicap match which should be AWESOME. Really good package here on the match too.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam

Booker and RVD are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Booker has an AWFUL remix of his song here so hopefully they drop the belts so we don’t have to hear it again. Van Dam and Dupree get us going with Rob monkey flipping him down. Booker comes in with a side kick for two and a hip toss for an interfering Conway. Rene is knocked into the Dudley corner for a tag off to Bubba with the Dudley getting two off a neckbreaker. Booker comes back with a side kick but D-Von tags himself in before the cover. RVD jumps in with a kick to the face of D-Von but there was no tag so it’s Jindrak vs. Booker instead.

Cade and Jindrak take over on Booker in the corner but Rene steals a tag to take over. This match needs to end already. We’re four minutes in and I’m already bored. Conway hooks a bow and arrow hold which goes on WAY longer than needed. Booker fights out with a spinebuster for no cover but it’s not hot tag to RVD. Everything breaks down but D-Von breaks up the Five Star. It’s Booker vs. D-Von but Cade breaks up 3D. The scissors kick and Five Star are enough to pin Conway and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a waste of my time. No one card about this match because the tag division was so dead at this point that almost every team was just thrown together. Since this is Wrestlemania though, there’s ANOTHER four way tag match later tonight. Nothing to see here and the match sucked on all levels. Let’s get on to ANYTHING else.

Coach is in the back again and hears noises coming from a closet. He opens the door to find a disheveled Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan with an unbuttoned shirt. Coach thinks there’s something going on between the two of them but Heenan says there was a poker game going on. Moolah and Mae Young come out of the same closet and drag the guys back in. Heenan screams for help and Coach shakes his head. When I said ANYTHING else, I didn’t mean THAT.

We recap Christian vs. Jericho which is a pretty awesome story. Month ago Christian and Jericho made a bet for $1 Canadian that Jericho could sleep with Trish before Christian could sleep with Lita. Jericho wound up falling for Trish but she found out about the bet. He’s spent months begging for her forgiveness but Christian got tired of hearing Jericho whining like this.

Trish agreed to just be friends but Christian started hitting on her. Bischoff made Christian vs. Trish with Christian agreeing to lay down for her. Christian decided to show some tough love by putting her in the Walls of Jericho, setting up Christian vs. Jericho tonight with Jericho fighting for the honor of his love. This is one of my favorite feuds.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

They lock up to start with Jericho getting very aggressive and taking Christian down by the hair. A belly to back suplex gets two for Jericho and he backdrops Christian over the top and out to the floor. Chris hits a big spring plancha but can’t hook the Walls back inside. Christian sends Jericho over the top and out to the floor in a big crash. Back in and Christian chokes away before slapping his own chest a bit. A knee to Jericho’s ribs gets two and it’s off to a neck crank.

Christian pulls some of Jericho’s hair out for good measure before covering. Off to a chinlock with a knee in Chris’ back but it’s quickly broken up into another failed Walls attempt. A forearm puts Christian down and there’s a running crotch attack to Christian in 619 position. The running enziguri gets two for Jericho before they trade rollups for two each. A northern lights suplex gets two for Chris but the bulldog sets up the Lionsault which hits knees.

Jericho charges into an elbow into the corner and gets taken down by a reverse tornado DDT for two. The reverse DDT into a backbreaker puts Jericho down again but Christian goes up and gets crotched. He blocks a superplex though and hits a top rope cross body, only for Jericho to roll through for two. This is solid stuff so far. Christian kicks Jericho in his injured knee and puts on the old school Texas Cloverleaf. In an impressive counter, Jericho gets underneath Christian and rolls through into the Walls but AGAIN Christian makes the ropes.

Jericho takes it to the floor and puts on the Walls out there before having to break the count. Back in and a butterfly superplex gets a VERY close two on Christian as Trish comes bouncing down the aisle. An inverted DDT puts Chris down for two and Christian spots Trish. He drags her into the ring but Jericho makes the save. Not being able to see though, Trish blasts Jericho in the face, allowing Christian to hook a quick rollup for the pin.

Rating: B. As I said I’m a bit fan of this match and the angle that went along with it. This was Christian’s best singles match to date and he looked perfectly capable of hanging with a more talented guy like Jericho. Trish of course would play a much bigger role just after the match, so let’s get to the interesting part.

Post match Trish apologizes to Jericho before slapping him, turning into EVIL Trish. Christian lays out Jericho and leaves with the girl. Evil Trish was SMOKING hot and we would get to see a lot more of her as this feud continued for months.

Mick Foley talks about the emotion of being back in New York but Rock interrupts him. He says that FINALLY they’re back here and Mick Foley is home. Rock hijacks the camera and finds Rosey and Hurricane eating hamburgers and Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco just hanging out. Rock sends the cameraman into the arena to get a shot of the people but has him come back because it’s Rock N Sock’s night.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

It’s Flair/Orton/Batista here and Orton is Intercontinental Champion. The brawl is on to start with Rock fighting the young guys and Flair getting punched by Foley. Evolution is knocked out to the floor until we start with Rock vs. Flair. Rock immediately elbows him down and does the Flair strut to send Naitch to the floor. A backdrop puts Flair down and they fight to the floor, only to have Ric get caught in another backdrop. Foley drops an elbow off the apron and Evolution is in trouble to start.

Foley wants to come in to face Orton but Randy immediately bails to the floor to great heat. We finally get inside for the fight that people want to see as Foley pounds away and puts Orton in the Tree of Woe. Off to Rock who punches Orton in the “stomach” before clotheslining him down for no cover. Ric gets clipped in the back of the head by Flair which draws him into the corner, sending the fight to the floor. Batista drops Rock face first onto the barricade to take over.

Back in and Batista pounds on Rock, dropping him down with an elbow for two. Flair comes in again to chop at Rock before going up with even Lawler making fun of Flair for it never working. Big Dave comes in again to pound on Rock but the Brahma Bull gets over to the corner to bring in Foley. Mick pounds away on Batista and punches him down in the corner, only to be taken down by Batista’s big running clothesline. Foley goes after Orton on the floor but Flair jumps him to stop the comeback.

As is his custom, Flair is sent knees first into the steps, causing some cringing pain. Back in and Orton drops knees on Foley’s head before it’s back to Flair for a hard chop. That’s all for Ric right now and it’s back to Orton for a reverse chinlock. Batista takes Orton’s place and pounds away with rights and lefts, only to be caught in a quick Mandible Claw. Batista escapes but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker. That’s STILL not enough for the hot tag to Rock though, and the crowd continues to want it more and more. A quick right hand to Flair is enough for the tag to Rock though, and the reaction isn’t all that great.

Rock cleans house with everything he can but walks into a spinebuster by Batista. Instead of a cover though, we get the People’s Elbow from Naitch, complete with strut! The elbow doesn’t have a chance to be launched though as Rock nips up and pounds away on Flair with right hands. The spinebuster sets up the real Elbow with Rock strutting for two. Another tag brings in Orton who walks right into a Rock Bottom for two. The big clothesline puts Rock down and there’s the Batista Bomb for good measure.

That gets two for Randy but Rock drops him again, allowing for the tag to Foley and there’s the pop we were waiting for. Evolution is knocked down and there’s the double arm DDT to Orton. Mr. Socko returns but Orton SNAPS off an RKO for the pin out of nowhere. The look of shock on Orton’s face and Foley getting up and three and a half and looking around as if to say “what happened” are great touches.

Rating: B. Very solid match here with all five guys feeling it at Wrestlemania. The ending is perfect and makes Orton look all the better as he got the fall on a fresh Foley with the RKO out of nowhere. This led to a great match at Backlash which cemented Orton as a player. This was also Rock’s last match for seven and a half years. Great match though and well worth checking out for a lesson in how to give a perfect rub.

Foley gets a standing ovation and Rock is just kind of there. Again, they don’t steal the spotlight, making it clear that Evolution is the important group here. Very well done.

We get some clips from the Hall of Fame induction ceremony last night which is the first class inducted in eight years. Heenan wishing Monsoon was there still makes me smile.

Here’s Gene Okerlund to introduce the Hall of Fame class. The class includes Bobby Heenan (good ovation), Tito Santana (should get a bigger ovation), Big John Studd (represented by his son), Harley Race (the pop starts before Gene can even speak), Pete Rose (booed, although I’ve heard he was as humble as you could ask anyone to be), Don Muraco (polite applause), Greg Valentine (bigger ovation than I expected), Junkyard Dog (represented by his daughter), Billy Graham (biggest pop so far), Sgt. Slaughter (decent pop) and Jesse Ventura (solid pop). Next year’s class had Hogan in it to give the thing some credibility.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

This is an evening gown match and the annual Playboy promotional match. Sable and Torrie posed together and had a teased lesbian angle around this time. Sable wants to just wrestle without clothes but Jackie (Gayda, as in the attractive one) says no. Everyone else winds up in lingerie and Jackie is soon stripped too. This is exactly what you would expect: horny announcers, sexual spots, very little wrestling and very little complaining from most fans. Stacy kicks Torrie’s head off for two and it’s back to Jackie. We get the rolling over the referee spot and Torrie rolls up Jackie for the pin. This was what it was.

We hear from some fans who are excited to be here.

Eddie comes in to see Benoit but Benoit doesn’t want to hear about how big of a night this is. Guerrero of course talks about all the pressure on Benoit but Benoit says he believes in himself and that he’s never been more ready. Eddie says Benoit needs to have fire in his eyes and it finally comes out, so Eddie is very happy.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Chavo Guerrero, Ultimo Dragon, Shannon Moore, Akio, Tajiri, Jamie Noble, Funaki, Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, Nunzio

This is different from what the Cruiserweight Open would wind up being when it was a free for all. This is basically a gauntlet match with everyone at ringside and two guys starting. It’s elimination rules and last man standing is champion. Chavo comes in defending and gets to come in tenth for no apparent reason. We start with Moore vs. Dragon who fight over a hammerlock. Moore tries to speed things up but gets caught in a standing Sliced Bread for a fast pin. I now remember why I hate gauntlet matches.

Jamie Noble is in next and after avoiding a moonsault, he hooks a neckbreaker and a guillotine choke to put Dragon out. Funaki comes in and gets small packaged for the pin less in about three seconds. Nunzio is in and takes Noble to the mat in a hurry before being sent out to the floor. Noble hits a sweet flip dive off the top to the floor and rams Nunzio into the apron for a countout. Billy Kidman is in next but Nunzio trips him up. Noble heads to the floor as Kidman slides back inside for a Shooting Star off the top to take both guys out.

Back in and Kidman breaks up the guillotine choke and enziguris Noble down. The Shooting Star is broken up but Kidman hits a BK Bomb (D’Lo Brown’s Sky High) for the elimination. Mysterio (as the Flash this year) comes in with a springboard seated senton but gets dropkicked down for two for Kidman. Billy loads up something off the top but gets caught in a sunset bomb for the pin. Mysterio vs. Tajiri now as Rey is caught in the Tarantula. Mysterio will have none of this selling stuff and there’s the 619 but Tajiri kicks him down.

Akio gets on the apron but gets caught in the Green Mist, which means he’s out for no apparent reason (my guess is they’re out of time) so here’s Chavo vs. Mysterio which is what this whole match should have been in the first place. Tajiri gets in a cheap shot on Mysterio and it’s Guerrero in control early. Rey comes back with a headscissors and a baseball slide to Chavo Senior. There’s a big dive onto an old man to pop the crowd (New York is mean!) but as Mysterio comes back in with a sunset flip, Chavo Jr. drops down and has Senior’s help for the pin on Mysterio to retain.

Rating: D. What am I supposed to get into off of this match? The longest fall was maybe two minutes in length and none of them were anything of note. The match should have just been Rey vs. Chavo, but because of the annoying Wrestlemania payday, we need to jam in eight other guys to ruin the match. Also this brings up the universal problem with these matches: if it’s possible to get all these two minute pins, why do matches usually last five times or so as long?

We recap Brock vs. Goldberg which started at the Rumble. Goldberg wasn’t impressed by Lesnar so Brock interfered in the Rumble and tossed Goldberg out. Austin left Goldberg a ticket for No Way Out where Lesnar defended the title against Eddie Guerrero. As you can guess, Goldberg cost him the title and tonight it’s about revenge. Brock blamed Austin for the loss and stole his ATV which Austin got back. Austin is also guest referee tonight to keep the match from falling apart.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

The catch here is that both guys are leaving and the fans know it, so they boo them both out of the building. Goldie gets his full entrance from the back. The fans IMMEDIATELY start chanting YOU SOLD OUT at Lesnar who is going to the NFL after this match. They circle each other and Austin says get to it. Now the fans sing the GOODBYE song with the guys still making zero contact over a minute in. The fans chant for the referee as Goldberg looks at Austin. Still no contact. After nearly THREE MINUTES of circling each other they lock up.

Amusingly enough, Goldberg is said to have an advantage because he’s a mixed martial arts aficionado. They lock up and shove each other away as it’s almost four minutes in without even a punch being thrown. We get a second lockup with the same result. The crowd is booing loudly now. Literally five minutes in Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first actual move of the match. They trade shoulder blocks with no one going anywhere. They collide again with both guys going down and we’re somehow six minutes into this match.

Now they stare at each other as the fans are about to riot. The fans cheer for HOGAN of all people and that’s FINALLY enough to get something going. Goldberg presses him over his head and drops him into a kind of spinebuster for two. The spear misses though and Goldberg hits the buckle chest first. The fans think Goldberg sucks as he is sent into the post. Back in and Brock gets two off a suplex and then hooks a modified headlock. The fans chant for Hogan again.

Back to the same headlock after a brief break before they collide again. Brock gets two as Austin is still a complete non factor. He seems to be the rodeo clown out there to keep everything from falling apart. Well, falling completely apart because we’re long past falling apart. JR is polite and calls this match pedestrian. Goldberg comes back with some clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker of all things as the Hogan chant starts again. There’s the spear for two but Goldie spends too much time arguing with Austin and walks into an F5 for two. Brock tries a spear but misses, so a spear and Jackhammer can finish Brock.

Rating: E. As in embarrassing, which is what this was. Have some pride out there people. I know you’re leaving and the fans don’t care, but man alive have some effort out there. If I was an NFL team and Brock gave that kind of a performance I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. No he doesn’t want to be there but that’s his job until his contract expires. This was embarrassing to watch and they deserve the booing they received. Austin added nothing here but he didn’t really need to.

Post match Brock flips off Austin and gets Stunned for his efforts. Goldberg has a beer and gets Stunned for good measure.

Wrestlemania 21 is in Los Angeles.

Vince actually comes out and thanks the fans for getting us here and hopes they’ll be there in the future. Cool moment there.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

Rikishi and Scotty dance for old times’ sake.

Edge is returning soon.

Jesse Ventura interviews Donald Trump, who is at like his fifth Wrestlemania. Ventura implies they’ll run for the White House together.

Molly Holly (looking GREAT here with the shoulder length dark hair) is excited about her hair vs. title match against Victoria. This can’t end well.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and Molly has her hair on the line. The champion has the awesome All The Things She Said as her theme song as is looking sweet in white here. They lock up to start and Molly pounds her down before whipping Victoria into the corner. Victoria nips up off the mat and sends Molly to the floor but loses control soon thereafter. Back in again as the match is already going slowly.

A low dropkick gets two on Victoria and it’s off to a reverse cravate by Molly. A quick rollup gets two for Victoria as JR says he doesn’t wear underwear. Victoria powerslams her down for two but Molly heads up a few seconds later. An attempted superplex is countered into a slow motion sunset bomb for two for Molly. A backslide out of nowhere retains the title for Victoria, meaning it’s time to see a bald Holly.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here other than both girls looking incredibly cute. As is usually the case, there’s no explanation given for why this match is happening, nore does anyone seem interested in telling us. Molly would get a wig soon after this which admittedly was pretty amusing. Nothing to the match which didn’t even last five minutes.

Molly tries to put Victoria into the barber’s chair post match but can’t get the clippers to work. The champion fights back and lays Molly out for the haircut.

We recap Eddie vs. Angle. Eddie, as a former drug addict, has no business being champion according to Kurt. Guerrero is also in WAY over his head because of how good Angle is. Heyman, the Smackdown GM, hates Eddie for no apparent reason on top of that.

Post video, Molly is VERY bald.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero

Feeling out process to start with Eddie taking Angle to the mat in a surprising development. Angle sits out and the fans applaud what they see. Angle takes over with a headlock but Eddie reverses into one of his own. A shoulder block puts Eddie down and he isn’t sure what to do from here. Now the champion grabs a headlock followed by three straight shoulders to knock Angle down. Kurt bails to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Eddie takes him down with an armdrag but Angle takes control again with a sweet amateur move into a front facelock. Eddie comes out of it with a series of armdrags into an armbar as the fans applaud again. Guerrero switches over to a keylock but Angle shoves him off and drives a knee into the ribs to take over. Like any good ring general, he follows up on an injured body part with an abdominal stretch.

Eddie rolls out and tries Three Amigos but gets countered into a German instead. Eddie gets thrown to the apron but Angle slides through the ropes and tries the German off the apron but Guerrero escapes because it would, you know, kill him. Back inside and Eddie dropkicks Angle back to the floor as things slow down a bit. Guerrero tries to dive off the top to take Angle out but lands ribs first on the barricade. That’s adding to the story they started with the ribs, making it awesome.

Back inside and a backbreaker gets two for Angle and it’s off to a body vice on the champion. Eddie fights up but gets dropped ribs first on the top rope for two. Angle unleashes the suplexes again with an overhead release belly to belly for no cover. There’s another one for two and it’s back to the body grip. Another belly to belly gets another near fall as Angle is getting frustrated. Angle puts him on the top but gets shoved off as a result. A fast Frog Splash attempt misses though and Eddie’s ribs are in big trouble.

Angle punches Eddie to send Cole into a frenzy because Michael Cole is an authority on ethics all of a sudden. Eddie gets up and says HIT ME AGAIN so Angle does just that. Guerrero grabs a fast suplex for two but Angle escapes a second before rolling the Germans. Eddie counters the second one into a rollup for two but Angle takes Eddie’s head off with a clothesline to stop him again.

The champion escapes the Angle Slam with an armdrag and starts doing his Latino dance. He STILL can’t hit the Three Amigos though as Angle counters into the ankle lock. Eddie kicks him away and dropkicks Kurt down before heading up. Angle pops up again and runs the ropes for the belly to belly, putting both guys down again. Kurt takes the straps down and puts on the ankle lock but Eddie rolls out into a cradle for two.

Another German suplex puts Guerrero down again but the champion counters the Angle Slam into a DDT. Now the Frog Splash hits for a VERY close two. When I watched this the first time I thought that was it. Eddie isn’t sure what to do and gets caught in the ankle lock as a result. He almost taps but manages to swing Angle out to the floor. Eddie unlaces his boot with Kurt down on the floor to relieve some pressure. Guerrero crawls away as Kurt gets back in and lets him pick the ankle. Eddie kicks Angle away, losing his boot in the process. Angle is confused and Eddie small packages him to retain in a brilliant move.

Rating: A. Great match here with the psychology flowing freely. Eddie was BRILLIANT out there as he had finally took it away from the wrestling game and got Angle out of his comfort zone. The dueling rolling suplexes were a great touch too as neither guy could hit them but it was a battle to try. Great match and well worth checking out.

We recap Kane vs. Undertaker. Other than their huge history dating back over six years, Kane had helped literally bury Undertaker at Survivor Series in a buried alive match. At Wrestlemania, the gong went off to scare Undertaker and he’s back tonight as the Dead Man for the first time in four and a half years.

Kane vs. Undertaker

The visual on Kane’s entrance is really cool as the set is designed to look like New York City and it has fire all over it as Kane comes out. Sweet. The lights go out and we get Paul Bear’s Ooooooooooooooooooooooh YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. Since this is Wrestlemania, we get druids, smoke, and torches. Now we get thunder and lightning and a gong, which gives us the Undertaker. He has shorter hair now which would be his look for the next eight years or so. The entrance, as always, is excellent.

Kane shouts that Undertaker isn’t real and reaches out to touch him, earning the right hands from Undertaker. Undertaker calls for the chokeslam but Kane runs out to the floor. Taker is fine with that and the brawl heads to the floor with the Dead Man in full control. There’s the apron legdrop and we head back inside for a running clothesline in the corner. All Undertaker so far as JR actually tries to push this as a brand vs. brand match. Taker loads up the Last Ride but gets backdropped into the ropes in an awkward looking spot.

Kane chokes away on the mat and talks trash about telling Undertaker to not come back. Undertaker comes back with rights and lefts, only to walk into the side slam. The top rope clothesline crushes Undertaker for a close two. Kane misses a charge in the corner and there’s a big boot to put Kane down. Taker follows it up with a legdrop (BROTHER) and Old School for good measure. Scratch that actually as Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam. Kane laughs maniacally but Taker sits up to a BIG ovation. The Taker chokeslam and tombstone make Taker I believe 12-0.

Rating: D+. Yeah the match sucked but this was all about the moment and making it clear that Undertaker was back. That worked like a charm here and the match worked quite well for what it was supposed to be. This would of course lead to Paul Bearer being locked in a tomb made of concrete. You don’t see the connection?

We recap the main event. HHH is world champion because he’s HHH, Benoit won the Rumble and switched brands, and Shawn is here because he’s a whiny little man that can’t accept that he didn’t win at the Rumble. Therefore he superkicked Benoit and signed Benoit’s contract, which apparently you can just do and have it be legally binding. The solution was to make a triple threat match because that’s what WWE does.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

HHH (and his big white boots) bail to the floor as the other two chop it out. They head to the mat with Benoit bridging up into a backslide attempt but Shawn blocks. The Crossface doesn’t work but Benoit gets two off a northern lights suplex. The Game comes back in to take over and he slugs both guys down. Shawn is thrown over the top rope for some skinning of the cat but comes back in to pound away at the champion in the corner.

The high knee takes Shawn down for two and a less high knee puts Benoit on the floor. Benoit has his back rammed into the barricade but Shawn baseball slides both of them onto the concrete. That is followed up by a big moonsault to the floor to take out all three guys and wow the crowd a bit. Shawn and HHH go back inside but Benoit has to come in with a clothesline to break up a Pedigree. Shawn goes shoulder first into the post at the hands of the Canadian but HHH ties Benoit up in the Tree of Woe.

Michaels whips HHH into Benoit and rolls up the champion for two before nipping up, only to be clotheslined out to the floor by Benoit. Chris rolls some Germans on the champion but Shawn comes back to break up the Swan Dive. HHH DDTs Shawn down and superplexes Benoit for a pair of two’s. Benoit gets a weak Crossface on HHH but Michaels makes the save. Now Shawn tries to roll Germans on Benoit but you can’t do that to a Canadian (without being Kurt Angle of course), and Benoit reverses into Germans of his own on Shawn.

The Swan Dive hits Shawn for two as HHH makes another save. HHH low bridges Benoit to the floor and it’s time for DX to fight again. Shawn drops the top rope elbow on HHH and there’s Sweet Chin Music for good measure but it only gets two. Benoit makes the save and it’s time to chop a Canadian. Michaels has to fight off the Sharpshooter but can’t avoid a catapult into the post. There’s the Crossface on Shawn but HHH grabs Shawn’s hand to prevent tapping. That catapult into the post busted Shawn open too.

Out to the floor they go with HHH whipping Benoit into the steps to put him down. HHH loads up the announce table but Benoit fights him onto said table. Benoit fights out of a Pedigree attempt but here’s Shawn on the table as well. A double suplex/slam sends Benoit flying through a table and it’s down to one on one for all intents and purposes. HHH pounds away on Shawn in the corner but gets backdropped out to the floor, taking out the referee in the process. Shawn sends him into the post to bust the champion open too.

Back in and HHH hits a Pedigree out of nowhere but he’s too exhausted to cover. Eventually he does but Benoit pops in to break it up at the last second. Shawn falls out to the floor as Benoit chops the champion. The Pedigree is countered into the Sharpshooter but Shawn comes back in with Sweet Chin Music to break it up, but only for two. Michaels tunes up the band again but misses the superkick and gets backdropped to the floor. Benoit hooks the Crossface on HHH and holds onto it even as Benoit rolls into the middle of the ring until HHH taps out, giving Benoit the world title.

Rating: A+. I can’t stand triple threat matches but this is a masterpiece. They were so crisp with everything and while Shawn didn’t need to be there at all, it was still an excellent match. Benoit winning was the absolutely right decision (and would have been the year before as well) but it was the feel good moment they needed.

Eddie comes out to celebrate with his friend as confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show really does hold up quite well. It’s not a masterpiece or anything but the two world title matches are must see. Unfortunately that’s about all that’s must see as this over four hour long show (yes, OVER FOUR HOURS) is in need of some trimming (the tag titles would be a great place to start) but it’s still a solid show. The ending scene is hard to watch as the two crumbled under the pressure and ultimately would be gone less than four years later. Still though, the first moment was excellent.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: C

Booker T/Rob Van Dam vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Dudley Boys vs. La Resistance

Original: D

Redo: D

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Original: A

Redo: B

Torrie Wilson/Sable vs. Stacy Keibler/Miss Jackie

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Cruiserweight Open

Original: D+

Redo: D

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: F

Redo: E

Too Cool vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers vs. APA

Original: D

Redo: D

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A

Redo: A

Undertaker vs. Kane

Original: D

Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: B

That’s as close to identical as you’re going to get.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/27/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-20-where-it-all-begins-again-with-two-dead-guys/

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