Thunder – October 14, 1999: Shooting For Comedy

Thunder
Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Kevin Nash, Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko

Now we’re getting close to the end of an era for WCW, and there’s something special on this show. From what I understand, Kevin Nash is on his last night as the booker and is going to be sitting in on commentary tonight. This could range anywhere from absolutely hilarious to the biggest disaster since…..well probably since Fall Brawl actually. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

At least the show is live tonight so it only mostly sucks instead of completely sucking.

Tenay and Zbyszko don’t have an explanation for why Nash is there. His justification: he’s booked himself into a retirement angle so WCW is putting him in the booth to recoup some of his money. He hasn’t seen Hall since Hall left with two girls for sushi on Monday. Oh yeah this is going to be REALLY good.

Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker vs. Jim Duggan

During the entrances, the announcers aren’t sure if Goldberg vs. Sid is still on for Halloween Havoc. Normally the response would be “oh of course it is” but this is WCW so you never can tell. It’s a smart move to start this show with a former Mid-South star in Duggan. The fans chant USA as Duggan shoots at Parker with the board. That would be a different kind of shooting than Nash will likely be doing tonight. A right hand knocks Parker out to the floor and the brawl heads outside. Nash thinks Buddy should grab the board. That’s not a bad idea actually.

Parker stomps away and rakes the eyes back inside. He even avoids a charge in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Nash: “Use the board!” Duggan fights up with his wide variety of right hands, which thankfully are no longer taped. The three point clothesline and the Old Glory knee drop are enough for the pin. Nash: “Tenay where do you come up with the names for these names?”

Rating: D. I’m not sure what else you would expect out of this match. Parker was a jobber about ten years before this and is still at about the same level here. There wasn’t much to see, or unfortunately hear, in this one with the only funny line coming after the match with Nash asking where the Old Glory name came from.

Lash Leroux vs. Al Greene

Nash sings Al Green songs and brings up the two of them being old tag partners. More smart booking with Leroux in there, even though Nash shows a strange obsession with his sideburns. Lash punches out of a gorilla press and dances a bit before clotheslining Greene out to the floor. Tenay brings up Leroux challenging for the Cruiserweight Title at Halloween Havoc before Lash sends him into the buckle. Al catches him out of the air in a powerslam for two but Lash shrugs it off and hits Whiplash for the pin. Basically a squash and even Lash points at his sideburns. Oh they’re shaped like L’s. That’s…..well that’s something.

Video on the First Family vs. Harlem Heat. That’s something as well, but it’s something very, very bad.

Here are Luger and Elizabeth with something to say. Tenay announces Buff Bagwell vs. “The Package” next week like he’s announcing the main event of Starrcade. Luger talks about being in this business for thirteen years and thinks it’s ridiculous that they have to come to a town like Baton Rouge. The fans will have to shut up if they want him to talk. Nash: “He’s so smarmy!”

Luger asks Elizabeth how many internet emails, cards…..and then he trails off to yell at the fans about how awesome he is. Luger blames the fans for the death of Lex Luger because his greatness won’t be appreciated until he’s gone. Nash: “Does he use the Old Glory torture rack?” No one sent him any cards while he was recovering from his biceps injury because the fans want to climb over him to get to the top.

Cue Buff Bagwell who says he tried to get in touch with Luger while he was on the shelf and Luger seems to have forgotten some of his friends. Speaking of friends, what has been going on with Luger and Sting? Bagwell followed the two of them down the roads and learned a lot from them, but now they’ve turned their backs on everyone. Luger thinks Bagwell should get on his hands and knees to thank him for everything he’s done for Bagwell over the years. Cue Rick Steiner (Nash: “Submarine attack!”) but, I kid you not, La Parka comes out to make the save. Nash thinks Luger is terrified of skeletons.

Video on Kidman seeming to have hooked up with Torrie, who has blown David Flair off. David hasn’t helped his case by getting beaten up by Hennig and Curly Bill.

Tenay asks Nash about the girls that sit with Hall and Nash. Nash sings about Torrie in response and asks where this week’s road report is.

Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Armstrong/Steve Armstrong

Knobbs pounds Steve into the corner to start but walks into a nice dropkick. It’s off to Morrus (kind of a noteworthy person at the time this is being written. Five years from now, that likely won’t mean much) vs. Steve with the Armstrong getting dropped on his face out of a gorilla press. A double shoulder drops Steve as Nash brings up Bull Nakano as Morrus’ hairdresser.

Jimmy Hart’s distraction allows the First Family to get in some double teaming. Can we get a look at the second family? They have to be more interesting. Steve gets splashed in the corner a few times and Morrus stomps away again. He misses a top rope elbow though and Steve (who looks like a more muscular Lodi) makes the hot tag to Scott. Everything breaks down and Knobbs runs Scott over, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin.

Rating: D-. The Filthy Animals and the Revolution are busy fighting each other but these guys are getting a pay per view title shot and a feud with a top level team like Harlem Heat. That shows you the value of having friends in high places, which doesn’t mean anything good for the fans but it means great things for Knobbs.

Post match Knobbs says Harlem Heat are the “fruit booties” now, so here come the champs to clean house. Nash: “That’s Wesley Snipes! Nah it’s just Booker T.” Ray wants to fight the, and I quote, “Doughnut eating, milk drinking fruit booties” right now. I would ask what that means, but I don’t think I’m old enough to hear the explanation.

We recap Mysterio vs. Saturn, triggering the implosion of the Revolution. Tenay suggests renaming Shane to Chain Douglas. Actually I’ve heard worse ideas.

Now we get to the good stuff, as Nash has put together a video on Sid vs. Goldberg, complete with an over the top NFL Films style narration. Sid shouts about Goldberg not being able to touch him and how good it will feel at Halloween Havoc. Nash: “We don’t know that yet because we haven’t touched.”

We look at Goldberg beating up Horace but Nash stops doing commentary to celebrate making it onto the hard camera in the front row. Nash: “Goldberg! A force! A bald man…..with a tattoo…..who has only lost once……to Kevin Nash!” Tenay: “Did you ever work for NFL Films?” Nash: “Goldberg, standing in the tundra of Lambeau Field…..and here’s Sid. 6’10, 200….300….400…..no 597lbs of menacing steel!”

Larry is begging for Nash’s “water” as we see Steiner and Sid beating up Van Hammer. Nash points out that the referee, while bald, is in fact, not Goldberg. Nash wants to know why Rick Steiner is from Detroit but talks like a southern redneck. We jump ahead to the main event where Goldberg came out to fight Steiner and Sid. Nash: “Goldberg ponders the situation, looks from side to side, walks away, winks, and SOME TACKLE! WHAT DOES MONDAY BRING US???”

This was one of the funniest and most entertaining things I’ve ever seen on Thunder and I can’t imagine it being topped later on. Here’s the key to comedy, especially in wrestling: you can’t script it down to the letter. This was Nash riffing on a pretty basic recap package and being entertaining because Kevin Nash is a funny guy and can turn something simple into something funny. You can’t just hand someone a script and tell them to do comedy.

Imagine someone like Lance Storm trying to do this. It would bomb as he just doesn’t have that kind of personality and probably wouldn’t be able to make it funny. Great talkers can read the phone book and make if funny but if you have someone not geared towards comedy reading material that isn’t very funny, it’s usually going to fail miserably. This on the other hand was hilarious and something that a written recap doesn’t do justice.

Horace Hogan vs. Brian Adams

I don’t see this being as entertaining. Nash accuses Shane Douglas of dragging Saturn down as the announcers are already ignoring the match. Apparently Malenko and Benoit have taken a trip to Japan to perform. Well that might be better for them instead of getting beaten up by Sid and Steiner again. Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as Nash finally starts talking about the match. Horace fights back with a DDT and a low blow (Nash: “The Old Glory mule kick!”) and they head outside.

Nash thinks Luger is scared to come out here because of the skeletons on Adams’ pants and promises to put a package together on Luger for next week. Tenay: “Please not again.” I would say it has to be more entertaining than this match, but so would a bad toe infection. Horace scores with a backdrop but gets caught in a backbreaker. Nash gives us some trivia: this was originally a hair vs. hair match. With the fans dying in front of their eyes, Adams hits a horrible looking piledriver for the pin.

Rating: D-. You remember a few minutes ago when I talked about people needing to stick to what they’re good at? I’d advise Horace to stick to something other than wrestling as he really isn’t very talented in that field. This is the kind of match that gives Thunder a bad reputation. It was sloppy, ignored by the commentators and didn’t need to exist. Adams would be better suited as a bodyguard for some punk heel. Bad match if that wasn’t clear.

Video on Sting vs. Hogan.

Here’s Lash Leroux for a chat. Tenay: “He gets promo time as well!” Leroux says people didn’t take him seriously when he got here, but a Cajun knows how to add a little spice to things. All the Lash Lovers are here and they’ll be in Lash Vegas to see him take the title. Lash insists that he can dance but thankfully doesn’t demonstrate. Nash: “If you can dance and play the accordion in Louisiana, you’re going to get lucky tonight.” I’ve heard worse promos, though it was pretty much one note.

Berlyn vs. Brad Armstrong video. I really hope this winds up being revealed as a big rib.

After a commercial for WCW action figures, Nash wants to know why he’s doing a job in the ad. I’m sure 99% of the fans had no idea what he was talking about here but my goodness it’s making this easier to sit through.

Prince Iaukea vs. Berlyn

This would be the Column B to go with Nash’s Column A stuff. Tonight it’s Steiner/Luger vs. Bagwell/La Parka. Nash: “GET OUT! NO WAY!” That would again be Column B. Nash says it’s a result of half the roster being gone today so they had to book this on the fly. Tenay: “Welcome to this all shoot edition of Thunder.” Iaukea jumps over the referee and dropkicks Berlyn down before hitting a Thesz Press and right hands.

Berlyn gets in some cheap shots to take over as Nash talks about a variety wrestling show airing on TBS, hosted by himself and Hall. Saturday Night Titans? He needs to move on because he’s too old to bump at this point. Iaukea fights back but gets poked in the eye. Nash: “Little shortcutsky there. Oh wait he’s German. Achen-shortcutsken.” An Angle Slam is called a Samoan drop (Nash: “Old Glory Samoan drop”) and gets two for Iaukea but Berlyn grabs a quick suplex. The bodyguard gets in a cheap shot and Berlyn’s neckbreaker is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Kevin Nash is carrying this show on his back and I’m having a great time listening to him. The wrestling has ranged from bad to horrible but he’s made the matches fly by with these jokes here and there. Berlyn and Iaukea are nothing in the ring but the bodyguard continues to look like a potential star. Or at least a very tall one.

Video on Meng, which I believe is the same one from Monday. Ignore the WCW Hotline phone number, or at least the bottom half of it, appearing at the top of the video.

Luther Biggs vs. Meng

Oh Nash is going to have a field day here. Larry is scared of seeing the worst student if Biggs is the best. Nash compliments Meng’s hair. That’s certainly in his ballpark. He also wonders why you never see Meng and Barry White in the same place at the same time. Meng jumps him to start and the beating is on in the corner. Biggs’ offense has almost no effect and the Death Grip ends this quick.

Coach Stern tries to come in for a save but gets Death Gripped as well. Nash: “You should know you’re never going to win after a sweet video package like that.”

Perry Saturn vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rematch from Monday when Shane Douglas interfered. Mysterio now has some cool rotating pyro. As the announcers talk about the Halloween Havoc card, Nash brings up Mean Gene’s Burgers. I have to find one of those places someday. Saturn takes him down and hammers away to start before Rey flips out of a German suplex attempt.

Rey gets launched face first onto the top turnbuckle but avoids a charge and hits the Bronco Buster. Oh sorry the Rough Rider. Nash: “The Old Glory Rough Rider!” Even Nash is cracking up at the running joke. Saturn suplexes Rey with ease with a t-bone and a big belly to belly. Nash: “That was a porterhouse!” Saturn cranks on the arm as Nash talks about the Old Glory Living Legend.

Back up and Rey dropkicks the knee out, only to get caught in an overhead belly to belly. Larry: “Old Glory suplex?” Nash correctly identifies a full nelson and Larry is stunned. A rollup gets two for Rey but he tries a headscissors out of the corner and gets dropped face first on the mat. Rey’s top rope hurricanrana is countered with a superbomb for two but his victory roll is enough for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C. The match was decent enough but Nash’s commentary actually gets distracting after a bit. It’s funny, but this was one of the only decent matches all night and I was too busy chuckling at Nash’s lines to get into it. Granted when you can make Tenay and Zbyszko entertaining, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Saturn pulls out a chain, lays out Mysterio and throws the referee to the floor. He adds in the Old Glory elbow drop and the Rings of Saturn for good measure.

Rick Steiner/Total Package vs. La Parka/Buff Bagwell

This has to be a rib from Nash. I mean, it HAS to be. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with La Parka putting up a better fight against Steiner than almost anyone else has in months. His reward is a hard whip into the barricade but at least he tried. Steiner hammers away on the floor as Bagwell chokes Luger against the barricade. They get inside for the first time with Steiner nailing La Parka with the chair. Nash: “And the Old Glory choke on the outside!”

We settle down to Steiner vs. La Parka (which I believe is Spanish for “what the heck am I doing here?”) with Rick cranking on the arm. Off to Luger for a suplex for two but La Parka comes back with a middle rope dropkick. Steiner shoves La Parka into the corner for the tag to Bagwell as everything breaks down. La Parka gets in the way of a Blockbuster attempt, so Bagwell gives him the Blockbuster instead, allowing Steiner and Luger to stomp La Parka for…..the no contest to end the show.

Rating: F. Nash tried but was more subdued here and there was nothing he could do with this one. The ending didn’t make sense but I’m sure this is going to lead to something else next week. Now I never said it was going to make sense or be connected to what we saw here but I’m sure it’s going to lead somewhere.

Overall Rating: B. This show was a blast. I know Kevin Nash gets a lot of flack from fans, but he made this horrible show into something interesting and entertaining for two hours. That alone makes him into something better than most of the people on this show, who haven’t entertained me that much over the last few months. This is another show that barely matters as the writers are changing in the very near future, so at least it was a fun show to go out on.

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Thunder – September 30, 1999: Get Back To The Old People

Thunder
Date: September 30, 1999
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 2,411
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko

Thankfully this is another live Thunder (well liveish. It’s airing at about 11pm due to a baseball game but at least it’s not the second show of a taping) which tends to be a lot easier to sit through (not good mind you) than the dreaded taped versions. It’s still about the old guys fighting over backstabbing and lying or Goldberg crushing Sid’s car because Sid is still a major thing in WCW for whatever reason. Let’s get to it.

Long intro to start with Tenay and Zbyszko talking about people who won’t be appearing on this show.

Psychosis/La Parka/Juventud Guerrera vs. Villano IV/Villano V/Silver King

This is Psychosis’ first match since losing the mask. La Parka tells Silver King to get out of his way so dance time but King channels his inner villain from Footloose and kicks him in the face. An elbow to the jaw staggers La Parka again but Silver King accidentally hits his partners, causing a bit of a flare up. It’s off to IV and Psychosis with the unmasked one scoring with a dropkick.

There’s no other way to put this: Psychosis has a weird face. It looks like it needs to be stretched another few inches to make it fit properly. Anyway he rolls out of a tilt-a-whirl slam and chops away at IV before whipping him into a springboard dropkick from Guerrera. A powerslam gets two for Juvy before it’s off to V for a dropkick. Not exactly the most thrilling stuff at the moment.

King comes back in and grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two on Psychosis before just kicking him in the face. Back to Five for a pretty sweet top rope DDT before King comes back in for the same, only not from the top. A double gutbuster has Psychosis in even more trouble but La Parka comes in to take one of them out.

Everything breaks down and La Parka hits a nice corkscrew dive over the top to take out the Villanos and Juvy, leaving King to lay out Psychosis in the ring. The Villanos come back in and accidentally nail King (never hire villains to do a partner’s job), allowing La Parka to take out IV. Juvy Driver to V, setting up the guillotine legdrop from Psychosis for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but at the end of the day, the Villanos and Silver King aren’t the most thrilling guys in the world. It’s amazing how far Guerrera has fallen in quality as he used to be right there with Kidman and Mysterio but now he’s just kind of there. The division has fallen on hard times since Mysterio forgot he was a cruiserweight and started hanging out with Konnan.

Adrian Byrd vs. Norman Smiley

Smiley easily wrestles him down to start but walks into a dropkick. A right hand just gets on Norman’s nerves so he hits the spinning slam and loads up his dance. Not the Big Wiggle but it’s better than nothing. There’s something hilarious about that move and I think it’s due to Norman’s face as he does it.

Byrd comes back with a series of punches and counters a monkey flip attempt with a cradle for two. A suplex and slam get two each on Norman and we hit the chinlock. This is more offense than I was expecting from Byrd boy. Smiley easily fights up and hits a nice butterfly suplex, followed by the Norman’s Conquest for the win.

Rating: D+. Much like most matches like this one I’m not sure what there is to say about it. Smiley got beaten up for a bit and then came back with some implied male rape involved. I could have gone for a bigger push for Norman as he was clearly over and talented but he got stuck in the stupid hardcore thing soon after this.

Gene brings out Mona for a chat. He praises her for her record in WCW, which is something like 5-1 or so. Mona brings up all the people she’s fought and is looking forward to new competition. Yeah there were some shenanigans last week, but you have to just keep going. Brandi Alexander sneaks up on her and chokes Mona with a gown. A suplex on the floor sets up a match that was scheduled for later in the night.

Mona vs. Brandi Alexander

Mona is a bit shaken up but gets an early two off a cross body. A jawbreaker drops her though and the fans aren’t thrilled. Brandi takes Mona’s glove off for more choking, followed by some hair pulling. Apparently there are some new matches for Halloween Havoc. We won’t be hearing what they are at the moment, but those matches have indeed been set up. Brandi kicks her in the ribs before choking and kicking at the ribs even more. I can see why she isn’t exactly a household name.

A bad looking backslide gets two for Mona and she gets poked in the eye to put her right back down. To give you an idea of her offensive skills, Brandi gets two off a suplex and hiptoss. Brandi misses an enziguri but Mona can’t get an Indian deathlock. She can however hit a Thesz press and right hands before a side slam gets two. Mona was even nice enough to get off of her before Brandi rolled her shoulder up. A handspring elbow crushes Alexander in the corner, setting up a top rope Frankensteiner for the pin.

Rating: D+. Brandi is just not very good. It also doesn’t help that she isn’t the best looking woman in the world and when you had Trish Stratus debuting in the WWF a few months after this, there really was no reason for this division to exist. I use the word division loosely as I don’t think there are more than three or four girls in the company at the moment.

Ad for Flair and Hogan VHS’s.

Dean Roll vs. Frankie Lancaster

You probably know Roll better as Shark Boy. Feeling out process to start with Frankie nailing a shoulder and grabbing a headlock. Frankie easily takes him down and cranks on the leg before hitting a flip splash to the knee. A legdrop gets two on Dean but here’s Scott Norton to beat up both guys for the no contest.

Norton wants Goldberg and apparently we’ve flashed back to 1998.

After a break, Goldberg comes out to accept the challenge and tells Sid that the clock is ticking. Somehow this took nearly three minutes.

Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs vs. Dave Taylor/Steven Regal

Finlay is here with the Brits. Regal hammers on Morrus to start and fires off some European uppercuts. Off to Knobbs for the Pit Stop and Regal’s face is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years. Taylor comes in due to Regal’s stomach ailments but eats a bunch of headbutts from Knobbs. Dave gets a Pit Stop of his own which ticks him off so much that he stops a charging Knobbs with a boot in the corner. Finlay tries to swing a chair at Knobbs but gets cut off by security and ejected. Well there goes the best part of the match.

The distraction lets Taylor get in a flag shot to Knobbs before sending him into the steps. Regal gets in some knee lifts before Taylor slaps on a front facelock. The Brits keep up the fast tags and Taylor hammers away with uppercuts and right hands in the corner. A chinlock has Knobbs in trouble but Regal runs into an elbow in the corner. The hot tag brings in Morrus (are the First Family the faces here?) and everything breaks down. Knobbs hits a kind of pumphandle slam on Taylor, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin.

Rating: D+. Who was I supposed to be cheering for in this match? The First Family has never shown any reason for me to like them but they were certainly acting like the faces in this match. Then again, Knobbs is WCW’s definition of a legend and therefore I’m sure we’re supposed to cheer for them.

Here’s the Revolution to talk about Shane cheating recently. Saturn tells Douglas that this team lives by a code of ethics and if he tries that one more time then he’s out of the group. Douglas apologizes and says you can’t stop greatness.

Bobby Eaton vs. Luther Biggs

They bring someone as good as Eaton back for THIS? Luther is Coach Buzz Sawyer’s protege if you’ve blocked this out of your memory. Biggs throws him out of the corner to start and drop toeholds him down into a headlock. Back up and Bobby hiptosses him to the floor so Stern can give him a pep talk. Back in and Biggs gets in a knee to the ribs to take over again but takes WAY too long going to the middle rope for a legdrop. Eaton hammers away but gets dropped by a shoulder. The coach and student start jawing though, allowing Bobby to ram them together and grab a quick neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: F. THAT’S what I sat through all those stupid promos for? A four minute match with Bobby Eaton getting the pin? Eaton is a great guy but was there any real need for this match to take place? Biggs is a stupid character and Sawyer isn’t much better. Bad match, bad idea, bad execution, bad use of someone as good as Eaton.

Stern dives in post match, which makes me think he missed a cue. Stern puts both of them in a full nelson and yells at Biggs as they leave.

Brad Armstrong vs. Horace Hogan

I can easily live with people like Eaton and Armstrong getting more TV time, but could they be against each other instead of in these matches? Brad takes Horace down with ease but gets thrown across the ring and kicked in the gut. An armbar doesn’t get Brad anywhere as Horace kicks him down again, only to miss a running elbow. Brad hammers away in the corner and dropkicks him out to the floor.

That goes nowhere so Horace goes back to just kicking him before throwing Brad outside. Tenay actually brings up one of the matches at Halloween Havoc: Hart vs. Luger. Oh sorry I mean the Total Package, who is totally different from the Total Package Lex Luger. Horace keeps up the bad offense and drops Armstrong with a clothesline. A suplex gets two on Brad but he avoids a charge in the corner and hits the Russian legsweep for the pin.

Rating: D. Geez how did they manage to make Brad Armstrong and Bobby Eaton boring in the same night? Horace is just a big lug who doesn’t get anywhere and this really didn’t make me want to see Armstrong vs. Berlyn. Then again, offering me a million bucks to sit through that match wouldn’t make me want to see it. I’d do it of course but I wouldn’t want to.

Kendall Windham/Curly Bill vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Oh come on now. Rey and Kendall get things going with Mysterio hammering away but diving into a boot to the face. A springboard seated senton gets two on Windham but he comes back with a kick to the ribs and slam to put Rey back down. Kendall hits a few clotheslines and slams him down one more time before getting two off a belly to back suplex.

Off to Curly (see it’s funny because he’s bald) for a suplex and some elbow drops and a suplex before he throws Rey outside. Back in with Rey hitting a springboard missile dropkick and making the tag to Kidman, who is promptly nailed by a clothesline from Windham. A belly to back superplex gets two on Kidman with Rey making the save and it’s back to the floor because the heels don’t know how to keep a match going for more than fifteen seconds.

Hennig gets in some cheap shots before throwing him back inside for chops from Kendall. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Kidman fights up with a jawbreaker and Bodog, setting up the double tag. Rey cleans house and Kidman just stops running to counter an Irish whip. So you can’t Irish whip Kidman either? Kidman launches Rey into a seated senton to Kendall before Curly gets in some cheap shots. He goes up top for no other reason than to have Rey nail him and hook a top rope Frankensteiner for the pin, just like in the women’s match.

Rating: D. Egads just disband the cowboys already. Without Hennig or Barry in there to run things, the team is exposed for the horrible workers they are and that’s never a good thing. Bad match here with Kidman and Rey being wasted on another horrible team, though to be fair they’re still light years ahead of the Clowns.

Goldberg vs. Scott Norton

Norton still has an NWO logo on his singlet. Goldberg wins a slugout to start and punches him over the top rope. They hammer on each other again with Norton chopping him backwards and sending Goldberg face first into the post. Goldberg sends him right back into the post before they get back in the ring to keep hitting each other very hard. A hard short arm clothesline drops Goldberg again but both guys try flying shoulders at the same time for an awkward looking collision. Back up and it’s spear into Jackhammer for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was Norton’s last match in WCW and I can’t say I’m going to miss him. It’s just a bunch of power brawling with limited selling and you can only sacrifice small people to him to set up another Goldberg loss so many times. Basically he’s a short version of Sid with a bigger chest and no one needs another Sid.

Overall Rating: F. Did I mention this show was on around midnight and WCW knew no one was going to watch it? The wrestlers clearly didn’t care and it’s very telling how bad these stories are as we head into Halloween Havoc. It’s also incredibly clear that this is the most top loaded company in a long time as outside of the main event, there is NOTHING interesting going on right now, and the main event is some of the dullest stuff in years. Bad show that didn’t need to exist, which is the case with almost every episode of this show.

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Wrestler of the Day – December 8

Today we’re looking at someone who was far more famous in Mexico: La Parka.

La Parka actually started things out in 1982 but that’s a fairly hard era to find in America, let alone Mexico. Therefore we’ll pick things up in 1994 at When Worlds Collide, a AAA/WCW show.

Tito Santana/Pegasus Kid/2 Cold Scorpio vs. La Parka/Blue Panther/Jerry Estrada

This is IWC vs. AAA. Pegasus Kid you know as Chris Benoit and yes thats the same Tito Santana youre familiar with. Estrada is a brawler, Panther is a masked guy and captain and La Parka is La Parka. Scorpio is starting us off but Estrada and Parka fight over who starts. Instead its Panther who takes Scorpio to the mat to a HUGE pop. Im a big Scorpio and Santana fan so I think you know which team I like here.

Off to Benoit vs. Parka. The Parka team is WAY more popular as theyre technically the hometown team. Santana comes in but Estrada and Parka fight over who gets to face Santana. Tito in black trunks is an odd sight to see. Also this is just Tito, not El Matador. Mike says Tito is clearly the weak link on his team. Thats not exactly what Id say but hes the Professor.

Parka wont tag in, ticking Estrada off even more. Benoit and Panther come in to speed things way up and Benoit hits a huge suicide dive to the floor. Benoit is the captain of his team so if he loses its over. Scorpio and Parka come in and try to out overdo it. They slug it out but neither guy can take over. Parka fakes taking a low blow and both guys hit the floor. That allows Estrada vs. Santana to come in. Remember thats legal here.

Estrada is sent to the floor and its off to Benoit vs. Panther again. Theyre both in blue so that works out well. Benoit hooks the snap suplex but an elbow misses. Parka is tagged in and he walks along the apron for a bit first. The Canadian hits a German on the Mexican and its back to Panther again, this time against 2 Cold. They look like their chemistry is way off at times in this.

A powerbomb puts Parka down but Estrada comes in, breaks it up, kicks Parka a bit for good measure and now the heels cant figure out who to get in. Ok so now its Tito vs. Panther. Benoit comes in but misses the swan dive. Scorpio misses his huge moonsault as well. I get why Panther is a champion. La Parka and Estrada fight over who gets to cover Scorpio so its back to Panther again.

Parka sends Santana to the floor and sets to dive but hits Estrada of course. Scorpio hits a big dive to take everyone out. Panther misses a moonsault so Benoit hits a Matt Hardy legdrop for two. Panther tries a powerbomb on Chris but Benoit rolls through into a rana for the pin and ZERO reaction, which also might be a cultural thing.

Rating: C. I liked it a little better than the previous one but it’s no classic or anything. The idea here was two different styles and in that theory it worked. At the same time though, the tagging thing isn’t something I can get used to inside of an hour, which is how long this has been going on. It was fine but it’s something I think I’d like a lot more if I watched lucha libre more often.

Off to WCW now with I believe his company debut on Nitro, November 18, 1996.

Juventud Guerrera vs. La Parka

Larry has to hold the commentary himself here and is cool with that. Mike Tenay comes out a few moments into the match. Juvy hits a hard clothesline to take over and Parka breakdances up. This is La Parka’s WCW debut according to Tenay who wasn’t a loud annoying man at this point so I’ll listen to him. Out to the floor and Parka hits a suicide dive. They both go up top but Parka gets crotched and a springboard rana gets two for Juvy.

Lionsault Press gets two for Juvy but a springboard is countered by a dropkick by La for two. Out to the floor and Parka hits a plancha. There’s a surfboard by La Parka. I still love that move. Juvy hits a missile dropkick for two. There are multiple empty seats on the side opposite the hard camera. Juvy hits a springboard rana for two. Why isn’t the crowd more into this? This has been a pretty solid match.

A spinning victory roll into a rana gets two. La Parka goes up but misses a Swanton Bomb. Juvy Driver is countered into a messy small package for two. A DDT gets two for Guerrera. This is a shockingly good match. Juvy grabs a tornado DDT out of nowhere for two. These are some very close twos and the crowd could not care less. You uncultured swine. Guerrera goes up for a spinning rana but Parka holds the ropes and hits a reverse Whisper in the Wind (Jeff Hardy’s inspiration?) for the pin after about twelve minutes.

Rating: B. I might be overrating that but man I was getting into this at the end. Also points for surprise value here as who would have expected one of the most interesting TV matches in months from these two? This wasn’t a technically sound match and it’s not a classic or anything, but it was fun and they had me wanting to see who was going to win. That right there means a lot and probably means more than anything else a match can do. Very fun stuff.

Off to the Clash XXXIV for one of WCW’s signature matches.

Konnan/Mr. JL/La Parka vs. Chris Jericho/Super Calo/Chavo Guerrero Jr.

No story to the match here as it’s just putting six guys who know the lucha libre style together in a lucha libre tag team match. Mr. JL and Calo don’t have any real character while La Parka is in a skeleton costume. Jericho is a Canadian wrestler who has experience in lucha libre and debuted back in August. This match has special rules as going to the floor counts as a tag. Chris Jericho is replacing an injured Juventud Guerrera and La Parka is replacing an injured Psychosis. JL and Chavo trade right hands to start before running the ropes, leading to a back elbow from JL.

A double tag brings in Calo to face Konnan with Konnan pounding him in the face and armdragging Calo down. Calo comes back with a springboard armdrag of his own followed by a top rope ankle scissors to send both guys outside and bring in La Parka to face Jericho. Chris fires off some elbows to the face and a clothesline but runs into a kick to the face. A missile dropkick drops La Parka out to the floor and Jericho tags in Chavo to face Konnan.

La Parka comes in to join Konnan for a double clothesline followed by a modified Doomsday Device with La Parka coming off the top with a twisting body attack. It’s off to JL vs. Jericho with Chris taking over with a big spinwheel kick. Konnan comes back in without a tag but Chavo pulls him to the floor.

Jericho dives over the top to take Konnan out but JL dives onto Chris. Chavo dives on JL, followed by La Parka diving on both Chavo and Jericho. Calo kicks La Parka to the floor and hits a slingshot dive to land on him. Jericho and JL get back in the ring with JL hitting a side slam and going up top, only to be taken down by a top rope hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was the simple formula of taking six guys and letting them fly around the ring for about eight minutes and send the crowd through the roof. There was barely any story to the match but there didn’t need to be much of one. It was entertaining and fired the crowd up, which is what the Cruiserweight division did best.

Time for some American PPV at SuperBrawl VIII.

Konnan/La Parka/Villano IV vs. Ciclope/Super Calo/Juventud Guerrera

Not sure if this is trios rules or just a regular match. Calo’s team is the face team. Villano vs. Ciclope to start us off as we talk about Ray Stevens who passed away about 10 months earlier. Villano apparently means villain which is named after a character that all the Villanos’ father played in an El Santo movie back in the 50s. These guys are a bit bigger than most luchadores but it doesn’t matter as we’re off to Konnan and Juvy.

Rolling clothesline puts Guerrera down but a springboard dropkick changes momentum. And never mind as Konnan remembers he’s the real star here and beats up everyone to bring in Parka to face Calo. It’s moving too fast here to really keep track of it. Calo sends him to the floor and hits a slingshot Swanton. Parka puts him in a chair as selling is completely forgotten here and crashes into him.

Villano vs. Ciclope again as we’ve started all over apparently. Ciclope TOTALLY botches a moonsault to the floor as he veers to the left and lands hard. Off to Parka vs. Juvy with Parka hitting what we would call a Whisper in the Wind. Slingshot rana by Juvy gets two. Villano and Konnan get what was supposed to be a Doomsday Device on Juvy and follow it with a double leglock.

Everyone goes in and it was a six man submission hold/pin attempt at the same time. Everything breaks down and they all get tossed around with Konnan and Villano left standing. They do a four person leg hold called the Star and Parka puts Juvy in a surfboard in the middle. Triple suicide dive by the faces with Juvy completely missing Konnan but he tried. Back in the ring Konnan gets two on a Power Drop (Razor’s Edge into a sitout powerbomb) but they call it three despite Juvy’s arm being up maybe a second early.

Rating: C. Well that was something. I have no idea what it was but it was something. This was just another random Mexican Cruiserweight match which wasn’t very good but they were trying to pop the fans a bit. Not enough dives to make the fans care but it definitely got your attention. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not though.

We’ll head back to Nitro now for two straight shows, starting on June 23, 1997.

Public Enemy vs. La Parka/Damien

Grunge and Parka start things off as Tony talks about the rest of the show because this isn’t an important match. That’s not sarcasm. This match is about as pure filler as you can ask for. La Parka takes him into the corner but Grunge takes him down. Off to Damien as all four are in the ring already. Off to Rock vs. Damien with the luchadors taking over for a bit. Not hot tag brings in Grunge and it’s table time. Rock dives through Damien through the table which isn’t a DQ somehow. La Parka blasts Grunge with a chair and steals the pin. Short and nothing of note, but it’s nice to see a fresh team getting a win like this.

And another on August 25, 1997.

Ernest Miller/Glacier vs. La Parka/Psychosis

Glacier vs. La Parka to start with Ice Man kicking him in the face. I’m as shocked as you are I assure you. Psychosis trips up Glacier but gets caught by a spin kick from La Parka in a bit of heel miscommunication. A powerslam puts La Parka down and Psychosis screws up again by hitting his partner by mistake. They’re even now I guess. Miller comes in and gets caught in some EVIL double teaming on the floor while being stretched over the railing. Back in and the masked guys screw up AGAIN with La Parka kicking Psychosis in the head. Everything breaks down and La Parka hits Glacier with a wooden chair for the upset pin.

Rating: D+. What in the world was the point of this? Go show that Glacier and Miller aren’t a good team? I think we established that about the day they started teaming together. Other than that, it’s nice to see a new team who has done well before getting a win, even though they look like the Three Stooges at the same time. Nothing to see here, as usual.

Time for another big mess at Souled Out 1998.

Juventud Guerrera/Super Calo/Lizmark Jr./Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. La Parka/Psychosis/Silver King/El Dandy

This is under lucha libre rules, meaning going to the floor is the same as a tag. These matches are always insane so bear with me when things get nuts. Calo and Psychosis get things going with Calo armdragging him to the floor. No one replaces Psychosis so he comes back in to chop Calo down and drops an elbow for no cover. Calo climbs Psychosis’ chest in the corner and powerbombs him down for two before it’s off to Lizmark vs. Silver King. King misses a dropkick in the corner and Lizmark backflips away.

A tilt-a-whirl powerslam gets two for Lizmark but King comes right back with a running DDT. Off to El Dandy vs. Chavo with Guerrero monkey flipping Dandy from the corner before being taken down by a backdrop. A clothesline puts both guys on the floor and it’s off to La Parka vs. Juvy who both dive at the guys on the floor. They fight on the apron for a bit before Juvy’s springboard is caught in mid air by La Parka. The skeleton man (La Parka) struts around and sits Juvy in Guerrera’s corner before being pounded by Juvy’s partners.

Guerrera hits a gorgeous top rope hurricanrana to take La Parka to the floor. Lizmark comes in with a top rope standing Lionsault for two on Psychosis but El Dandy comes in without a tag. Things are quickly breaking down with Calo getting two off a top rope headscissors on Dandy. Silver King comes in with a somersault legdrop for two on Calo before Juvy walks in and botches a rana attempt. King’s powerbomb is broken up and Juvy’s 450 connects for two as La Parka makes the save.

Psychosis hits the guillotine legdrop on Chavo for two before La Parka comes in to throw Chavo to the floor. El Dandy dropkicks Calo to the floor but Silver King completely misses his dive. Calo pops up to the top rope to dive onto King before almost everyone dives onto everyone else. Chavo and Psychosis are left alone in the ring with Guerrero hitting a quick tornado DDT for the pin.

Rating: B. It’s an idea that has worked time after time and this was no exception: take a bunch of luchadores and let them go nuts for ten minutes to open the show. Everyone looked great out there and the dive sequence at the end was excellent with all of the guys hitting their spots almost perfectly. This was the perfect choice for an opener and the crowd is hot right off the bat.

Time for an international war on Nitro, April 6, 1998.

Psychosis/El Dandy/La Parka vs. Judo Suwa/Shiima Nobunaga/Tokyo Magnum

Tokyo starts with Psychosis and a quick distraction allows for triple teaming on Magnum. They all drop elbows on Tokyo for two before Nobunaga comes in for a save. He gets triple teamed as well but Suwa makes the save. Psychosis hits a missile dropkick to an elevated Suwa for two before it’s back to La Parka vs. Tokyo. Magnum finally takes over and side steps a low blow from Psychosis, sending the boot into La Parka’s groin instead.

A top rope hurricanrana gets two on La Parka before it’s off to Nobunaga to catch Dandy in the jaw with an elbow. Suwa sends La Parka to the floor and everyone launches dives to the floor. Shiima gets two off a top rope spinwheel kick to Psychosis, only to miss a dropkick, allowing Psychosis to drop the guillotine legdrop for the pin.

Rating: C+. Very fun opener here which is exactly what an opening match is supposed to be. As usual the formula of take six guys and let them fly around the ring for five minutes works like a charm with Miami eating it up. You indy fans might know Nobunaga better as Dragon Gate USA star Cima.

Then a standard singles match on Nitro, September 28, 1998.

La Parka vs. Super Calo

La Parka has a sombrero this week. Calo blasts him in the head during the dance but La Parka comes back with what looked to be a low blow for two. The dancer is sent face first into the middle buckle and Calo hits a nice middle rope hurricanrana. A running charge misses and La Parka’s shoulder hits the post, setting up a BIG dive from the top to the floor by Calo.

Back in and La Parka quickly puts him in the Tree of Woe for a running spinwheel kick to the ribs. Calo gets his boots up to catch La Parka coming off the top but is almost immediately kicked to the floor. He pops back onto the apron and pulls La Parka off the top and drapes it on the top rope. Another hurricanrana gets two on La Parka but he comes back with an Alabama Slam and a corkscrew off the top for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and another example of the incredibly deep cruiserweight roster the company had. Super Calo hadn’t been seen in months but came back and had a nice match here. It’s nice to be able to hold back on the big names for once and let the other guys get the spotlight.

They’re doing it again on Nitro, March 22, 1999.

Psychosis/Silver King/El Dandy/La Cucharacha vs. La Parka/Damien/Lizmark Jr./Super Calo

Tenay isn’t sure who Cucharacha is, though he’s in a Konnan flannel shirt. I think you can figure it out from here. Cucharacaha starts with La Parka and everything breaks down just a few seconds in. Dandy and Silver King nail a double dropkick before it’s off to Psychosis for a guillotine legdrop and two. La Parka comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and everything breaks down again. We wind up with Damien throwing Dandy around until it’s a standoff.

Back to Cucharacha vs. Calo with the newcomer getting kicked in the face. Lizmark comes in and misses a splash in the corner, allowing King to chop him over and over. Lizmark misses a moonsault and gets superkicked as Tony says they’re missing a lot of their moves. King is knocked outside for a big plancha from Lizmark. La Parka and Psychosis throw themselves to the floor and Calo dives onto Psychosis for good measure. Back in and literally everyone but La Cucharacha misses a dive until La Cucharacha Stuns all of his opponents and pins Damien.

Rating: D+. This was odd indeed with the missing sequence being the big moment at the end. Why in the world would you have a bunch of guys look inept for the sake of a comedy angle? I’m sure you can guess who was under the mask but why do that when he’s already got a story going on?

And here’s a forgotten classic on Nitro, June 7, 1999.

Ciclope/Damien vs. La Parka/Silver King

Bischoff is off commentary. This is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. It’s a brawl to start with Silver King kicking a chair into Damien’s face. Ciclope nails King with a trashcan and whips La Parka into it for good measure. There’s another can brought in and wrapped around La Parka’s head for Poetry In Motion from Damien. La Parka bails to the floor but gets caught with a baseball slide with a chair to knock him silly. Not that it matters as he picks up a chair and nails a diving Ciclope in the head with the same chair in an awesome visual.

Damien dropkicks La Parka off the chair and goes outside, only to have to throw the chair at a diving Silver King. La Parka puts Damien in the chair and takes him down with another suicide dive before Silver King throws a trashcan out of the ring and over Ciclope’s head. He follows it up with an Asai Moonsault to take everyone out in a cool spot. Damien takes La Parka back inside and takes a chair to the head followed by a trashcan lid for a bonus.

La Parka sets up a chair and tries a superplex on Damien, but has to settle for just throwing him face first onto the chair for two. Ciclope NAILS La Parka with a trashcan lid to break up a top rope hurricanrana attempt, swinging so hard that it flies to the announcers’ table and into Schiavone’s hands.

Ciclope gets backdropped to the floor as Damien is setting up a table. It doesn’t last long though as Silver King tornado DDTs Ciclope through the table for another big crash. Damien’s middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb through another table for two. Tony: “He kicked out!” Heenan: “WHY???” La Parka sets up two chairs and powerbombs Damien onto them (with the chairs not giving an inch) for the pin.

Rating: B. WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THIS COME FROM??? This was an outstanding brawl with all four guys hitting each other as hard as they could for some awesome bumps and spots. It’s a seven minute match that had me wanting to see more, even though I’m not a fan of most of the guys involved. I have no idea where this came from or why it wasn’t done more often, but it’s worth checking out. Really good stuff.

La Parka wouldn’t do jack in WCW after this and would head off to the indies. He would head back to AAA about eleven years later, where he was actually a huge star. One of his first major matches was against…..La Parka. See, AAA gave the La Parka costume and gimmick to another wrestler after the original La Parka left, meaning he had to be known as L.A. Park. This set up a showdown in the main event of TripleMania XVIII for the rights to the character.

LA Park vs. La Parka

Now this is an interesting one. LA Park is the original La Parka and the one from WCW. He was a major star in AAA but left 14 years ago to go to WCW. The thing was the original owner of AAA, and the guy whose ashes are in that urn, kept the rights to the gimmick and gave them to the guy known as La Parka. LA Park is the new name that the original La Parka used to continue the gimmick without continuing the gimmick. He returned in a shocking moment and said he wanted his name back. This match is for the official rights to the name and gimmick. In short, this is a big match that no one thought would happen.

Both come out to Thriller and look almost identical. Ill try to remember who is who here. Out first is La Parka with the boss of the company, Joaquin. Ok this should be easier: Park has the skulls on his shoulders. Thats easier. Park also has the son of the president with him, Dorian, as the president and his papa are in a power struggle. The fans are behind the heel Park here which is interesting.

Theres a chair in the ring which is the signature weapon of both guys. Park dominates to start and grabs the chair for a big shot maybe a minute in. Another chair shot as this Parka (Park for the original, Parka for the new if that helps at all) guy is kind of getting his heck kicked in. To the floor now as Park is yelling at Konnan and cuts a quick promo before the third chair shot. Is it the Rock in disguise?

Joaquin, the president, gets in his face until Parka saves him. By saves I mean he stands up so Park can beat him up even more. Park rips at the mask and you can see Parkas forehead. Theyre in the crowd now as this has already had more action than the world title match and were not even five minutes into this. Park goes to the back and gets a table. I guess there arent table making leprechauns under the ring in Mexico.

Parka has not had a single bit of offense that Ive seen. Theres a fire extinguisher at Parka who is just trying to cover up at this point. Table and chair in the ring now. The fans are totally behind the original Park here and its kind of funny since hes the heel through and through. The table is set up in the corner but Park settles for just beating on Parka a bit more instead.

Dorian whispers something to Parka and his dad shoves him away. The referee gets involved and Parka charges to try to tackle Park through the table. Park steps to the side and Parka goes sailing through it. Belt comes off and its whipping time. This has literally been one sided the entire ten minutes so far. Park rams Parkas head into the pieces of the table and the chair.

Park busts a piece of the table over Parkas head to a big reaction. Here comes table #2. Park sets it up in the ring and puts the chair on top of it and goes up. OH DANG ITS OFFENSE FROM PARKA!!!!!! He gets a few punches in and suplexes/slams Park through the table and onto the chair. The crowd is awake now. Parka is bleeding from the head it seems which makes sense.

BIG chair shot from Parka and momentum has completely shifted. Parka rips at Parks mask as Joaquin is like do it! Parkas mask is covering maybe half of his face at this point. Into the crowd again goes Park while Parkas mask looks rather weird. Oh man Parka is busted BAD. Parks mask is barely staying on too. Back in the ring now and Parka has the belt now so he lays in some HARD shots.

A slam gets a pop. Between two guys of relatively average size when do you hear that? Parka goes up but gets crotched by Park. The fans arent sure who to cheer for here. Park jumps into the boot of Parka and the new guy has control again. Park goes to the floor again and its a too short suicide dive by Parka. The mask is hanging on like a PostIt at this point.

Parka celebrates but Park sneaks up on him and hooks in a choke that looks like hes trying for a Backstabber but keeps Parka on the mat on his knees and pulls back on his chin. Looks great if you didnt get that. Park starts going for the knees and adds a Backstabber for two. This is that slow counting referee again. Parka fights back and gets what was supposed to be a Codebreaker from the middle rope for two.

Big boot by Park gets a close two. Semibotched DDT by Parka gets two and a ton of booing. They counter each other a bit until something resembling the Eye of the Hurricane gets two for Park. Both guys are gassed bad here. Park charges in the corner but rams the post instead. Parks mask is more or less gone here. Leg lock by Parka right in front of Dorian.

Theres the rope but the referee has to break up the hold. Not often that you see that from a hold put on by a face. Park gets a rollup for two. Park for no apparent reason dives at the referee who was on the floor for no apparent reason. So theres no referee and Park is more or less dead. Dorian has the chair and Parka gets a clothesline to put Park down again.

Parka sets for a tombstone which is illegal in Mexico but Joaquin stops him. An enziguri from Park puts Parka down again. Joaquin has the chair now but Park winds up managing to hit the Tombstone on the chair and Parka is out cold. Another chair in the hands of Park as Joaquin comes in.

Dorian says no dont hit him but Park shoves Dorian down and clocks Joaquin with the chair instead. Dorian gets up and turns face, blasting Park with the chair a bunch of times to avenge his father. Then with both skeleton dudes down, Los Perros Del Mal, a group of invading wrestlers from a promotion of the same name, put Park on top of Parka for the pin to win the name.

Rating: B+. This was a WAR. They beat the tar out of each other and it’s only the ending and the exhaustion that is holding this back. It wasn’t a great match from a workrate standpoint or anything but there was a great story out there and the fans were into it. This was supposed to go on next to last with Wagner vs. Electroshock going here instead but this worked far better. Great match and a great way to end the show.

And from TripleMania XX to wrap it up.

Jeff Jarrett/Kurt Angle vs. Electroshock/L.A. Park

Jeff, ever the super heel, throws tortillas to the fans as he comes to the ring. This is the battle of the Roldans, which is Dorian vs. Joaquin respectively. The losing team’s Roldan gets his head shaved. I always forget how hot Karen Jarrett is. Park has Bad to the Bone as his theme music, making him the coolest luchador I’ve seen so far tonight. Also he’s dropped the skeleton attire and looks like a big monster in blue which is pretty awesome.

Electroshock and Angle start things off and Kurt will have none of this handshake stuff. Instead he easily takes Electroshock to the mat and we start with some technical stuff. Angle snaps off an overhead belly to belly but gets dropkicked in the back when he poses. Off to Jarrett, who I believe holds the record for longest time as AAA World Champion. A spinwheel kick takes Jarrett to the floor as we hear about the members of the Foreign Legion over the years, which is almost every major non-WWE star since 1994 (yes even Sting).

Off to Park who fires off some kicks to Jeff but gets suplexed down by Angle for two. Park avoids a charge in the corner and dances a bit before snapping off a powerslam on Angle.

Jeff jumps Park from behind to take over but Electroshock gets the tag anyway. Park gets knocked to the floor and double teamed before Angle goes back in to beat on Electroshock a bit more. Kurt puts on a chinlock and Dorian comes in for some cheap shots as Jeff has the referee.

Jarrett comes back in and decks Park as Electroshock rolls to the outside. Karen tries to interfere but the referee grabs her by the hair and shakes her around. TAKE THAT HEBNER! Jeff kicks Electroshock low and Dorian gets in again. He gets in some more cheap shots and his papa weakly comes in to chase him off. With Electroshock in trouble, Dorian comes in AGAIN. The fans go nuts for something but the camera is so all over the place that I have no idea what I’m supposed to be happy over. Oh Dorian got ejected. Makes sense now.

As Dorian is leaving, he runs into Abyss of all people. Apparently Abyss is part of La Sociedad and escorts Dorian back to ringside because who is going to tell him not to? Karen kicks Park on the floor as Abyss pounds on Electroshock. Back in and Electroshock gets in a shot to Kurt’s face and we FINALLY get the hot tag to Park. House is cleaned but Abyss comes in and takes Park down. That doesn’t last long as Park knocks Abyss down and out to the floor, followed by a suicide dive for a BIG pop.

Dorian tries to come in again but his dad FINALLY does something about it. I’m not sure what that something was but apparently it was supposed to be a clothesline. The referee gets bumped (like it matters) and can’t count the pin on Jarrett. Abyss chokeslams Park (which is a confusing name given Abyss’ real name/brother character in TNA) but Electroshock comes in out of nowhere and hits a cutter on Angle for the pin to blow the roof off the place.

Rating: C+. It was overbooked but I think that’s more par for the course in Mexico than it is in America which means I can’t criticize it as a result. Good formula tag match here with the ending being exactly what the fans wanted to see. This would be the same as an AMERICAN team beating some foreign invaders which is one of the best and most sure ways to fire up a crowd. Good stuff here.

You know, for a guy that never won anything of note in America, La Parka had quite the long career and quite the collection of good matches. That chair man stuff with the dance got him over and his in ring work backed it up better than I thought it did. He never was a top star in the cruiserweight division but he was entertaining for his spot and made his time far more entertaining than a lot of others would have.

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Required Viewing #14: Where In The World Did This Come From?

I’m getting some Nitro reviews done in advance (the things I do for you people) and ran across this match.  I barely remember it and watching it again made me scream at my computer.  The participants are going to surprise you.

 

 

Ciclope/Damien vs. La Parka/Silver King

Bischoff is off commentary. This is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. It’s a brawl to start with Silver King kicking a chair into Damien’s face. Ciclope nails King with a trashcan and whips La Parka into it for good measure. There’s another can brought in and wrapped around La Parka’s head for Poetry In Motion from Damien. La Parka bails to the floor but gets caught with a baseball slide with a chair to knock him silly. Not that it matters as he picks up a chair and nails a diving Ciclope in the head with the same chair in an awesome visual.

Damien dropkicks La Parka off the chair and goes outside, only to have to throw the chair at a diving Silver King. La Parka puts Damien in the chair and takes him down with another suicide dive before Silver King throws a trashcan out of the ring and over Ciclope’s head. He follows it up with an Asai Moonsault to take everyone out in a cool spot. Damien takes La Parka back inside and takes a chair to the head followed by a trashcan lid for a bonus.

La Parka sets up a chair and tries a superplex on Damien, but has to settle for just throwing him face first onto the chair for two. Ciclope NAILS La Parka with a trashcan lid to break up a top rope hurricanrana attempt, swinging so hard that it flies to the announcers’ table and into Schiavone’s hands.

Ciclope gets backdropped to the floor as Damien is setting up a table. It doesn’t last long though as Silver King tornado DDTs Ciclope through the table for another big crash. Damien’s middle rope hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb through another table for two. Tony: “He kicked out!” Heenan: “WHY???” La Parka sets up two chairs and powerbombs Damien onto them (with the chairs not giving an inch) for the pin.

Rating: B. WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THIS COME FROM??? This was an outstanding brawl with all four guys hitting each other as hard as they could for some awesome bumps and spots. It’s a seven minute match that had me wanting to see more, even though I’m not a fan of most of the guys involved. I have no idea where this came from or why it wasn’t done more often, but it’s worth checking out. Really good stuff.




Thunder – January 7, 1999: Hulk Hogan Looks Like A Moron

Thunder
Date: January 7, 1999
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 8,597
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s a new year but somehow it feels like we’re still in 1997. Hogan is World Champion again and he has the full NWO behind him including Lex Luger and the Outsiders. This is the first show after the Fingerpoke of Doom, which is kind of uncharted territory. So many people remember the Fingerpoke of Doom, but after that you barely hear any TV talked about until Russo came in. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Flair vs. Bischoff which earned Ric control of the company ten days earlier. You would think this would be a montage of what happened Monday, not ten days ago. There is a clip from Monday, though it’s about what Flair did on his first night in power. This eats up nearly five minutes.

The announcers talk about Bischoff a bit before we talk about the World Title situation from Monday. Tony: “Words cannot describe what happened on Monday.” You mean when Nash laid down to give Hogan the title and the NWO reunited? That’s something you can’t describe? We see the ending segment again, plus some bonus footage from after the show went off the air. Goldberg wanted to fight Nash but I believe the Atlanta Falcons got in the ring instead. Nash didn’t come out so this really doesn’t mean much.

Gene brings out Flair for a chat. He asks Ric about what happened on Monday and Flair is very serious. Flair talks about the tradition in this building and wrestling Harley Race here eighteen years ago. They were two men fighting to be the World Heavyweight Champion. That brings him to Hogan and Nash. Flair has spent his entire career walking behind Hulk Hogan and ten years from now, they’re going to look at their kids and have to explain what they’ve done.

Flair lays down and demands that Gene count him. He demands to know why Nash gave the World Title to Hulk Hogan. Flair shook his hand on Nitro and gave him the match so this is all on the President. He lists off every member of the new NWO and singles out Luger for having no leadership.

As for Bischoff, he spent hours sitting there silently before erupting at the end. Bischoff will be in a meeting with Harvey Schiller, Ted Turner and Flair to figure out what to do about Hogan and Nash this coming Monday. Flair lists off a bunch of legends and says they all used to be World Champions. Hogan and Nash are not taking away what that title means.

We see the clip of Jericho talking to referee Scott Dickinson on Nitro.

Ernest Miller vs. Perry Saturn

Starrcade rematch. Miller holds him off with kicks to the air before taking Saturn into the corner. A superkick puts Saturn down as the fans are trying to care about this show at all. Saturn tries a sunset flip, gets punched in the face, and then pulls Miller down after some posing anyway. Miller gets caught by a head and arms suplex for two but a Sonny distraction lets Cat get in another kick. Falcon’s Arrow gets two on Miller but Jericho pulls the referee to the floor. Tony: “The world has turned upside down.” Miller rolls Saturn up and Dickinson runs in, counts a one, and gives Miller the match.

Rating: D. Saturn is now feuding with a referee. How long ago was he at war with Raven in a hot feud? Four months? This was a waste of time and I can’t blame Saturn for wanting to get out of the company as fast as he could. Do Jericho and Saturn even have an issue? Jericho started stuff with Miller after Starrcade and now he’s feuding with Saturn because…..WCW?

Both NWO camps arrive with Hogan in a Red and Black shirt with a flannel shirt over it, complete with a red and black Harley-Davidson toboggan. Giant is the biggest star in Black and White and asks Hogan what’s up with this. Hogan says give him five minutes and they’ll have a meeting. Hogan looks like an idiot. We follow the Red and Black into their dressing room….and that’s all for this shot.

We look at Luger turning heel. Thankfully Tony brings up Scott Steiner recruiting him, so there is at least a backstory for it, even though it could have just been part of the NWO merger.

Cruiserweight Title: Kidman vs. Psychosis

Kidman is defending. They stall to start until Psychosis cranks on a wristlock into a hammerlock. Kidman rolls him out to the floor and hits a nice plancha as we go to a break. Back with….an ad for the Nitro Girls calendar. Now we’re back with both guys down on the floor. Apparently Psychosis hit a big top rope backsplash to the floor to get them in that position. Not that we get to see it or anything, but Tenay seemed to think it was rather spiffy.

Back in and the BK Bomb gets two on Psychosis before he tries a powerbomb of his own. You know what that means, but Juventud Guerrera runs in for the DQ before we get the Shooting Star. No rating due to the commercial but we didn’t get to see many of the high spots anyway.

Rey Mysterio comes out for the save but here’s the Red and Black. The cruiserweights get destroyed but Mysterio is allowed to leave. Nash talks about the match of the century on Monday where Hogan took the title. Hogan says Flair can’t handle the fact that tradition has been taken to a new level. He promises to take back the wrestling business and rips on Goldberg for having police and Atlanta Falcons protecting him. On Monday, we’ll see what backup is all about.

Cue the Black and White who aren’t looking very pleased. You can see Psychosis being taken out as they hit the ring. Giant wants to know why Hogan didn’t come talk to him but Hollywood says it was just bad timing. Hogan loves all the Black and White guys but thinks there’s a problem. It was Giant that got suckered in by the Macho Man (who hasn’t been seen since the night after Starrcade) and it’s time to trim some fat around here.

The Red and Black are all cool, but Giant is jumping in Hogan’s face. There’s only room for one giant in the NWO, and Kevin Nash has never dropped the ball. Giant says he’s the giant, because his name says he is. Hogan respects that and declares love for the Black and White. Since this is business, how about Nash vs. Giant on Monday for the giant spot on the team? Giant agrees.

This Week in WCW Motorsports. There are too many jokes to pick from.

Ad for the WCW/NWO Thunder game for Playstation.

We go to Raven’s house where his family and Kanyon are trying to get him to go back to therapy. He’s sitting there in ring gear and all of the women say the same things over and over. Raven says he doesn’t want to go back and everyone talks over each other. Raven finally walks off. His sister is being played by ECW’s Chastity.

Jerry Flynn vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Neither guy has music. Twenty six seconds and Greetings From Asbury Park ends Jerry.

Tony wants to know where Konnan was on Monday. That’s a fair question actually.

Gene brings out Curt Hennig and Barry Windham for a chat. They talk about Ric sending his son to a slaughter, even though Ric’s career is already over. Hennig says not only will it be a handicap match, but Flair will have a handicapped kid.

Juventud Guerrera is trying to leave but Gene flags him down because Gene is an annoying man. Juvy rants about someone getting to Eddie before switching to Spanish. Gene: “You don’t have to talk to me in Mexican. You can talk to me in English.” Juvy looks terrified and escapes while talking about the Wolfpack.

Disco Inferno vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

No NWO shirt for Disco anymore. Pepe has a neck brace after what happened to him on Monday. Disco doesn’t know what to make of it so he grabs a wristlock instead. A shoulder puts Disco down and it’s time to dance. Some clotheslines put Inferno down again as they’re barely past the first month of wrestling school so far. Disco bails to the floor and Pepe rides Chavo around the ring a bit.

Back in and Chavo fires off some chops as we hear about the Tag Team Titles being vacated due to Rick Steiner’s injury. Flair has announced a tournament, but Tony is cut off by Norman Smiley coming out to do the Big Wiggle with Pepe included. Chavo goes to save the horse and gets caught by the Chartbuster for the pin.

Rating: D. The match didn’t have time to do anything as it was more about continuing Chavo vs. Smiley rather than anything with Disco. I’m glad Smiley has a feud now but couldn’t they do more for him than have something about dancing with a wooden horse? Well in theory they could, but it might take something away from 87 NWO segments a show.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Fit Finlay/Dave Taylor vs. Super Calo/Lizmark Jr.

Finlay and Calo get things going as Tony talks about seeing Jimmy Snuka and Paul Orndorff winning the World Tag Team Titles back in the 70s. A headlock annoys Calo so Finlay sends him flying with a shoulder instead. Taylor gets in a kick from the apron and Finlay scores with a clothesline. Lizmark and Taylor come in with the masked man nailing a dropkick and stopping for what looked like a dance. Finlay comes back in to clean house and then hand it back to Taylor. Lizmark misses a moonsault press and a floatover butterfly suplex sends Finlay and Taylor to the next round.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but these matches not even getting to five minutes is getting very annoying. I get that it’s a special kind of show, but usually you get a long match to fill in some of the time. This is the fifth match of the night and the only one that got more than five minutes had a commercial in it. It doesn’t help that it’s not even anything interesting, though paying some attention to the tag division is a nice idea.

Not that the match matters as the NWO comes in to clean house. Hall says tradition bites and there’s no tag wrestling around here because the Outsiders were undefeated. The tournament isn’t going to happen.

Booker T. vs. La Parka

La Parka dances a bit but gets forearmed for his efforts. Booker easily sends him outside but gets caught in a chase, allowing La Parka to hit some chops in the corner. Time to dance! La Parka fires off some right hands in the corner as Tony says there’s no way Booker is getting a World Title shot anytime soon. Booker easily comes back with the ax kick for two and the whip spinebuster. Tony is of course talking about some meeting with human resources. La Parka clotheslines Booker out to the floor and brings the chair in, only to have Booker kick it into his face for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match probably wasn’t that good but after this show I’ll take anything. La Parka wasn’t the best in the world but he was having a decent match here and actually trying. Booker continues to look like someone capable of getting a rocket push at the drop of a hat, but like Tony said, that simply wasn’t in the cards at this point.

Back to Raven’s house with him sitting by the pool and Kanyon cleaning. A man with blond hair named Jim shows up and throws Kanyon in. Apparently the man is related to the family and gets into a chat with them as Raven goes inside. You might know Jim better by his ring name: the Sandman.

We see Konnan beating Chris Jericho for the TV Title back in November.

Chris Jericho vs. Konnan

We cut to the back to see La Parka laid out with the NWO circle of spray paint around him. Konnan (still in a Konnan Red and Black shirt) does the catchphrases and finally gets jumped while he talks forever. Why did no one ever figure that out before? Konnan fights back with a shoulder but walks into a spinwheel kick. Another clothesline puts Jericho on the floor and it’s right back inside for a chinlock.

That goes nowhere so a release hot shot puts Konnan down instead. Back up and Konnan spins around into a bulldog for two followed by the rolling lariat. Scott Dickinson is bumped and Jericho pulls out a foreign object for two but Saturn pulls Dickinson out. Back in and Konnan gets in a cheap shot and Saturn counts a fast three because why not.

Rating: D+. This show is rapidly killing me as this referee nonsense is such a waste of Saturn’s skills. They tried to throw in something about them coming from the same wrestling school but at the end of the day, it’s Saturn feuding with a referee and Jericho by proxy. Why am I supposed to be interested?

Tony and Tenay brag about doing commentary in the Thunder game. Heenan: “Why wasn’t I invited?” Tony: “You’re very obnoxious.”

Chris Benoit vs. Barry Windham

Apparently Tony gave human resources a very bad report on Eric Bischoff’s commentary Monday. They fight against the ropes to start as Tony lists off a bunch of people Bischoff has treated horribly over the years. Benoit and Windham fight to the floor as the announcers still ignore them.

Back in and Benoit backdrops Barry and chops away in the corner. Windham nails a quick low blow to take over but gets caught in the release German. Back to the floor with Benoit being rammed into the barricade but coming back with a clothesline inside. The referee goes down again as Benoit hits another German but Hennig comes in. He gets caught in the Crossface but Barry is back up to kick Benoit in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. Think back to all the battles and matches Benoit has had. Think back to the wars with Kevin Sullivan. Now imagine a single kick to the back of the head being enough to pin him. It’s just a way to cap this awful show with another stupid moment that doesn’t make sense or please any fan.

Mongo comes out for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This looks to be the start of a really bad time for WCW. We had terrible matches (none of which seemed like anyone was even trying save for maybe Booker T. vs. La Parka) and WAY too much NWO stuff. I see no reason whatsoever for the LWO to have to be destroyed. Did we really need to prove that the guys who just destroyed GOLDBERG could beat people up? It’s clear that there was no thought put into this save for the main event angles and that’s not a good thing. The main event was just there and the announcers spent half the time talking about Tony and human resources. REALLY bad sign here.

 

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On This Day: June 6, 2010 – AAA Triple Mania XVIII: With Double Dancing Skeleton Men

Triplemania 18
Date: June 6, 2010
Location: Palacio de los Deportes, Mexico City, Mexico
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Konnan, Alfonso Morales, Jesus Zuniga, Arturo Rivera

 

This is the Wrestlemania of the AAA promotion, which I believe is the biggest wrestling company in Mexico. This show is their latest major show so I figured I’d take a look at it. I figured if I can watch Japanese shows and have no idea what’s going on I can do the same with Spanish ones right? I speak some Spanish so this could be a bit better. The main event is LA Park vs. La Parka for the rights to the name La Parka which is apparently a dream match. Let’s get to it.

 

Again if I mess something up I apologize. Keep in mind I have no idea what’s going on or who half of these people are. Also I don’t know any stories or anything like that either. Please bear with me on this but I’ll do what I can.

 

The opening video is about war throughout the ages, including shots of Hitler. Also we get what I think is the history of Triplemania which had a lot of Konnan in it. There’s a countdown and we go to the arena where pyro is set off.

 

Some good looking women bring down flags and what looks like a coat of arms while what sounds like the score of Rocky IV plays in the background. Actually it doesn’t sound like the score from Rocky IV. It IS the score from Rocky IV. That’s kind of awesome. One of the flags has a man’s face on it and the girls stop by a woman in the audience holding an urn. I think that face is of the founder of the company and I’m assuming that’s his widow? She’s shown on the big screen so I’d assume she’s important.

 

Mini-Estrellas Championship: Octagonito vs. Mini Abismo Negro vs. Mini Charly Manson vs. Mascarita Divina vs. Mini Psicosis vs. Mini Histeria vs. Mascarita Sagrada vs. La Parkita vs. Mini Chessman

 

This is a 9 man TLC match for the World Minis Championship. From what I understand there are often minis that are tributes to the full sized wrestlers. Notice a lot of people being named mini whatever name. Abismo Negro is the champion here. I won’t be saying mini every time so if I say Psicosis for example, I mean the mini, not the big guy. Good luck trying to keep track of who is who here but I’ll do what I can.

 

The entrances take a very long time as you would expect. Oh wait here are three at once. I think they’re called the Mini Vipers. They’re comprised of Abismo Negro, Histeria and Psicosis. Parkita comes out to Thriller which is kind of cool. It should be noted that these guys aren’t tiny. They’re just slightly above the top rope. Divina is in blue. That helps a bit.

 

Manson gets a nice reaction. Octoganito gets a better one though. I think that leaves only Sagrada. No apparently I just missed his entrance as there are 9 people in there. Here we go. The Vipers team is all in pink so they’re a unit I guess. They have a big six sided ring and they stay on a wide shot. It’s FAR bigger than American rings. Parkita vs. Chessman in the ring at the moment. Scratch that as they both dive out.

 

Divina vs. a Viper at the moment. Manson vs. another Viper now. They’re flying in and out but other than the first seconds there haven’t been more than two in there at all. From what I understand this was supposed to be a seven man match but Chessman and Parkita were added to the match at the last minute. Big chair shot to the head of Manson I think.

 

There’s a ladder in the ring which is being used a bit but no one has tried to go up yet. And just as I say that there they go. Psicosis makes an attempt at it but is met by Octoganito. The overhead camera shot is taking some getting used to. Divina, Parkita and a Viper in there at the moment. Divina has a ladder but a Viper has another one, this one shorter. The Viper gets a powerbomb to Divina as Parkita brings in a table.

 

Something draws a pop from the crowd but we don’t see it. Divina vs. a Viper at this point. The Viper is sent to the floor and Divina gets a gorgeous rana to the floor. I think that was Octagonito with the big tope con giro. There are two chairs with the small ladder laid on them. Psicosis and Manson in there with Psicosis going through the pile of stuff.

 

The referees help Manson set up the big ladder. Up he goes but a Viper kicks the ladder out and down he comes. Parkita and a Viper (I think Abismo Negro) fight on the apron with the Viper being powerslammed through a table in a cool spot. Another Viper sets up a table in the ring and kicks Octoganito in the head. Divina hits a baseball slide to take out someone that we couldn’t see.

 

The Viper puts Octoganito on the table as Divina climbs the ladder. Another guy is being carried out on a stretcher and I’d assume it was the Viper that went through the table. Octoganito gets a sunset bomb off the ladder to put the Viper through it. BIG pop for that and Octoganito is able to climb up and win the title. Sweet I had the right person!

 

Rating: C-. This is a very hard one to grade. The problem here is that it was more like a highlight reel than an actual match. There were a lot of people that I have no idea if I saw more than once or not. With only two people in the ring for the majority of the match I often forgot there were 9 in this. It’s certainly exciting, but there was little that got me into it. Also at less than ten minutes, how into it could I get?

 

Octoganito talks to the woman with the urn post match.

 

A Viper is put on a stretcher. It’s not Psicosis so I’d assume it’s Histeria. After some further research I’m right.

 

Sexy Star/Rain/Jennifer Blade vs. Cinthia Moreno/Mari/Faby Apache

 

So from what I understand, the first group of girls here are part of La Legion Extranjera, or the Foreign Legion. In short, it’s Konnan’s team and the top heel group. There isn’t a set lineup for them all the time as a lot of the time it’s just any foreign wrestler. This is the new Foreign Legion though and they have more of a concrete group of people. Whoever is pinned or submits here is the slave of the winning team for a month. Rain you might remember as Payton Banks in TNA. Faby and Mari are sisters.

 

The heels have American flags and are pretty hated. Star gets her own entrance apart from her partners. She’s women’s champion here, called the Reina de Reinas (Queen of Queens). Ok Cinthia is in black. Faby is in gold and Mari is in black and gold. Got it I think. They look like sisters so it helps. Konnan has something to say. It seems that there’s something up with the referee here and he might not be trustworthy.

 

Big brawl to start with I think Blade being triple teamed. No wait that’s Star. Cinthia and the sisters clear the ring as this has been a rout so far. More double teaming as I think Rain is double teamed by the sisters. There seems to be no tagging in this match. Star is in a mask. The heels take over now and the beating is on for Faby. Now the Foreign Legion clears the ring. This is rather back and forth stuff.

 

They beat up Mari now but there haven’t been any covers yet. Now they’re on Cinthia but a double team misses. Big double kick to the back of the head of Blade and the momentum shifts again. Ah I was right: the referee IS cheating and the non foreigners go after him. Ok now we get some regular tagging. Blade vs. Cinthia to start and a long Tumble Weed gets no count as the referee breaks up the pin attempt.

 

Implant buster by Fabi gets no cover as Star breaks it up. Star sends Fabi to the floor and Cinthia follows. Tope by Star takes out everyone in sight. Well everyone in her way on the floor on the other team. Mari drills Star and the champion is on the floor now as well. Mari beats the tar out of the referee but a broom stick from Blade to the back of Mari is enough for the pin and Mari is the slave of the Foreign Legion.

 

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess but I think a lot of that can be blamed on me not really having any idea what was going on. If nothing else the girls look good and there’s a storyline of the evil referee going on in there. Decent match though and the celebration by the Foreign Legion is rather amusing as they’re nearly orgasmic over having Mari as their slave.

 

Rain says the thirty days start now. Mari says she’ll do the thirty days but she’s kicking their heads in right now. She and her partners get Blade down but some short fat guy runs in and the distraction stops that and Blade gets away. He yells at the referee who yells back. It seems that the guy that ran in is saying the loss wasn’t fair due to the referee cheating. The referee says it counts and Konnan comes in and grabs Mari, throwing her to the Foreign Legion girls, saying down with Mexico or something like that.

 

Tag Titles: Los Maniacos vs. Beer Money vs. Atsushi Aoki/Go Shiozaki vs. Nicho/Joe Lider

 

This is under elimination rules and Shiozako/Aoki are champions coming in. Los Maniacos are Silver Cain (Silver King from WCW who has lost his mask and Ultimo Gladiator). An interesting point here is that the champions are introduced by the wrong name with one guy not getting an announcement at all. Also from what I’ve read, only Konnan knew either their names or Beer Money’s names. Cain basically is something like Mr. America where everyone knows it’s Silver King but officially it’s a different guy as his name is different if that makes sense.

 

The wrong music plays for the champions as it’s Beer Money’s song instead. Ok here is Beer Money to the right music. They’re part of the Foreign Legion tonight. See how the group works now? In the back the final team is coming to the ring but some guy in a suit says Konnan is out there and not to go after them. That would be Nicho/Lider who are La Hermandad 187 (the 187 Brotherhood). Nicho is more famous as Psicosis without the mask. The Japanese guys and Lider almost get into it before the match.

 

No tagging here again it seems. This is going to take some getting used to. Roode and someone are on the floor. Also cut out the wide shots. I can’t see anyone specifically for the most part. Four in the ring and four on the floor at the moment. I think Beer Money is on the floor. It’s the Japanese guys and Los Maniacos in there at the moment. Nicho who is apparently a millionaire is down.

 

Only the champions (Japanese guys remember) are staying in the ring and on their feet the whole time. One hits a frog splash to I think Lider for two. Beer Money vs. Japanese guys at the moment. I know I’m saying Japanese guys a lot but it’s the best description I can give you in a short amount of time. Hermanadad gets in Konnan’s face with chairs but the champions jump them to save K-Dawg.

 

Beer Money works on Nicho with a wheelbarrow/Codebreaker combination. They set for the BEER MONEY thing but Hermanadad gets a pair of rollups for two each. Nicho vs. Aoki at the moment with the champion winning. Storm is ripping Cain’s mask and almost has it off. Nicho vs. Aoki in the ring at the moment and Aoki is sent to the floor. Tope con Giro by Nicho takes down Aoki.

 

La Hermanadad beats on Aoki now until Shiozaki comes in. A middle rope Backstabber out of nowhere to Shiozaki puts him out and the champions are gone! Konnan FREAKS as we’re down to three teams. Storm has a chair now and sets it up in the corner. Beer Money beats on the Hermanadad as we haven’t seen much from the masked dudes. Beer Money screws up and Roode head winds up in Storm’s crotch.

 

Los Manacos get into it again and go after 187 which is what I’m going to say instead of La Hermanadad. 187 is down but get up to hit stereo Downward Spirals to Beer Money. Storm takes what we would call a Mooregasm and then add….something which gets two on Storm. It was some double team move but it was hard to see what it was. Konnan distracts 187 again and a chair to the head of Lider by Storm ends them and we’re down to Los Manacos vs. Beer Money for the titles.

 

Tower of Doom spot doesn’t really work at all but it looked ok and got two for Roode. Nicho goes after Konnan with a chair but can’t hit him. The fans are completely behind Manacos. Cain misses a moonsault and the slingshot DDT kills Gladiator as it’s all Beer Money with the spinebuster to Cain. Heel miscommunication occurs though and it’s Gladiator vs. Storm.

 

There are two referees in the ring for some reason. Spear takes down Storm for two. Roode and Cain have gone off to find a Bingo game or something. Storm hits a powerslam for two. Superkick by Storm misses and Cain hits a Death Valley Driver for the pin and the titles. HUGE pop for that as they’re faces and Mexicans hold the titles again.

 

Rating: B-. This was a more fun match than the rest of them. While it was still hard to follow it was less difficult than the other matches. This lack of tagging thing is something I’m having issues getting used to. Either way, there was more of a flow here and I had a better idea of what was going on which is certainly a good thing.

 

Post match two guys come out and stare down the new champions. These guys are from a promotion called IWRG which is a rival company feuding with AAA. This had never been mentioned on a AAA broadcast until now. This challenge takes WAY too long as the invaders talk forever.

 

AAA now has a videogame. Good to know. Why is the commercial in English? They couldn’t put Spanish text on there?

 

A bunch of guys in matching t-shirts that aren’t wrestlers come out and say they can do a lot of for this country. I think this is some charity thing.

 

We talk about the upcoming hair vs. hair match. It’s a six man match and each team is representing a referee. The referee of the losing team gets their hair shaved. Also, this is a cage match which from what I can find wasn’t announced at all prior to the show. The talking for this match takes way too long. Some people start a chant saying KONNAN OUT.

 

Alex Kozlov/Chessman/Hernandez vs. Heavy Metal/Octagon/Pimpinela Escarlata

 

Kozlov is a Soviet character that looks a bit homosexual. Yes it’s that Hernandez. Kozlov’s team is Team Hijo de Tirantes and the other is Team Pierro. I think you can only win by escape and it has to be all three team members. Team Hijo is of the Foreign Legion also. Escarlata is a transvestite. Ok then.

 

In the gimmick that will never die, Kozlov wants to sing the Russian National Anthem. He’s interrupted by Escarlata who puts what appears to be a g-string on his face. That starts the brawl and remember it’s all three out to win. Hernandez is a monster in this. The Foreign Legion dominates to start with a triple team on Escarlata. Now it’s Heavy Metal’s turn to get beaten down.

 

Konnan talks about the main event which is apparently a huge match. The evil referee cracks Escarlata in the head with a chair through the cage. The non-foreign guys have had zero offence. We talk about how awesome the Foreign Legion is for a bit which is true as they’re dominating here to put it mildly. Octagon wakes up all of a sudden, goes OFF on Chessman and dodges a diving Hernandez before Octagon climbs the cage, escaping easily. Gee what a nice guy. “My team is getting destroyed. I’m out people!”

 

Escarlata and Kozlov go up at the same time so Escarlata kisses him to slow him down. Escarlata gets rammed into the cage and Kozlov is out, making it 2-2. Now Escarlata is kissing Hernandez which lets the gender confused one climb the cage. After kissing the evil referee he escapes to make it Hernandez/Chessman vs. Heavy Metal.

 

Hernandez gets the Border Toss into the cage to Heavy Metal which isn’t a big move in Mexico I guess. With Chessman beating down Heavy Metal, Hernandez starts to bail. Then he channels his inner Jimmy Snuka and FLATTENS Metal with a splash. Hernandez escapes easily but the good (I think) referee stops Chessman, knocking him back to the mat.

 

The problem is that Heavy Metal is still completely dead. Chessman goes up for the escape but instead tries a moonsault. With the key word there being tries as Heavy Metal rolls out of the way and Chessman is down too. Escarlata plays cheerleader outside and the race is on. The evil referee smacks Chessman with a chair and Chessman escapes for the win and the head shaving of the good referee.

 

Rating: B. Pretty easily the best match of the night so far. There was a clear story going on in there with the Foreign Legion being far more talented but they got overconfident and the AAA guys were able to fight them off for a bit. The two huge spots helped it also with them bringing the crowd to its feet. I liked this and thought it worked rather well. Not sure why the cage stipulation was just thrown on but it probable made the match better.

 

Post match the good referee’s hair is shaved to evil laughter in a kind of disturbing moment. They keep telling him to raise his head so he smacks the evil referee and cracks him with the chair he had to sit in.

 

The announcers argue while we take down the cage.

 

Cibernetico/Abyss vs. El Zorro/Vampiro

 

Cibernetico is one of the top faces in the company (or was at this point). Abyss and Vampiro I think you know. El Zorro is a heel and part of the Foreign Legion and after this show would win the world title. This is a hardcore match. Despite being a foreigner Abyss isn’t part of the Foreign Legion for some reason.

 

Cibernetico’s entrance is in a word, epic. I think he’s supposed to be a cyborg or something. He’s clearly one of the most popular people in the company. This is that odd kind of hardcore where you have to tag in and out. Yeah I know just go with it. Cibernetico and Zorro start us off.

 

Cibernetico tights say Main Man. At least there isn’t a target saying “goes here” underneath it. The partners just come in for no apparent reason with Abyss going off on Vampiro. This is during Abyss-A-Mania but it doesn’t seem to be that bad at this point. Zorro has a kendo stick as the announcers argue some more. Zorro beats on Cibernetico with a chair in the ring while the other guys are out on the floor.

 

Vampiro sets up a table but can’t get a moonsault through it. Abyss can’t get his powerbomb through it either so it all evens out. Cibernetico hits the floor and now it’s turning into a regular hardcore match. Vampiro and Konnan point at each other for some reason but the wasted time lets Abyss get his hands on Vampiro. Abyss is thrown at the table which collapses but doesn’t break.

 

Konnan gets in Vampiro’s face again for no apparent reason. Everyone but Abyss is in the ring now and it’s a 2-1 beatdown. I’m not sure what the deal is with two referees. Maybe Gorilla Monsoon is secretly commissioner here or something. Cibernetico dumps Vampiro (to be with Abyss I guess) but has a kendo stick tossed into his leg.

 

Abyss is back in now but can’t get a double chokeslam. He settles for a double clothesline instead and down goes the Foreign Legion. Abyss……moves……very……very……slowly. The Foreign Legion hits the ring, in the form of Christopher Daniels, Kozlov, Chessman, Nosawa (Japanese guy) and Hernandez. Cibernetico is like screw that and beats them up on his own.

 

Zorro takes him down and hammers away with the kendo stick. Cue Abyss who hits Shock Treatment and Zorro is more or less dead. Hernandez misses a chair shot and hits Vampiro by mistake. Konnan grabs Vampiro and throws powder in his face. A chokeslam from Cibernetico ends this.

 

Rating: C+. Not bad here. They got rid of the tagging after about a second and things got a lot better. Decent little match here and the Foreign Legion losing is a good thing for a change tonight. Cibernetico is a guy that it’s easy to get behind so I can see why he’s one of the most popular there. Decent match all around but a bit rushed.

 

The Foreign Legion beats down the winners post match. Konnan and Vampiro stare each other down but La Hermanadad 187 runs in for the save and the beatdown is on with Foreign Legion being left laying.

 

Konnan rants about that for awhile.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Jack Evans vs. Nosawa vs. Extreme Tiger vs. Christopher Daniels

 

Elimination again and Tiger has the title. Evans is the epitome of a guy that likes flippys. Also in this company they have what sounds like a whistle instead of a bell. That takes a lot of getting used to. Tiger and Daniels hit the floor almost immediately as Evans flips a lot to attack Nosawa. Konnan lists off a lot of cruiserweights that are awesome while Nosawa takes over.

 

Tiger vs. Nosawa now in the ring as they don’t have to tag again. AAA really doesn’t like to have to do that do they? Tiger gets a seated senton to the balls of Nosawa. Now that’s just not nice at all. Daniels vs. Tiger now with Daniels in control. Tiger has a mask if I didn’t mention that. Daniels is sent to the floor so it’s down to Nosawa vs. Tiger now. And yes I know it’s Extreme Tiger but I’m not writing both words every time.

 

Daniels pulls the rope down and Evans hits the floor. Big clothesline and Evans does a 360 on the floor. Daniels beats down Tiger in the ring and is joined by Nosawa for a double flapjack. Nosawa and Daniels are Foreign Legion teammates so they’re working together here. Daniels sets Tiger for a Death Valley Driver while Nosawa adds a superkick to the head for a nice double team move.

 

Evans comes in and it’s more or less an unofficial tag match now. Tiger and Evans get Daniels down and double team Nosawa. A double cover after a rather contrived spot gets no pin for either good guy. Someone is bleeding as there’s blood on Daniels’ face. Evans kicks Daniels to the floor and does a huge flip onto him. Tiger throws Nosawa to the floor and hits a 450 out to the floor! You don’t see that often at all. Naturally that only gets two back in the ring. A springboard double stomp to Nosawa is enough to eliminate him through and we’re down to three.

 

This referee counts SLOW. The two good guys beat on Daniels for awhile and they have a chop off. I think it’s Daniels that is bleeding actually. It looked like blood on him earlier but not his own. Daniels tries to leave but Tiger is like get back here baldie. Rollup by Evans gets two on Tiger. Elevated double arm DDT by Tiger gets two on Evans. This referee stops for a long time after two.

 

Some guy comes out in an Extreme Tiger mask and pulls it off to reveal….another mask. The distraction allows Daniels to be able to get a rollup to make it Evans vs. Daniels for the title. Oh great: a Christopher Daniels match. Can’t you hear the excitement in my voice over this turn of events? Four straight backbreakers without dropping Evans by Daniels. Now off to a half crab as just Daniels being in there is putting me to sleep.

 

Spin out powerbomb gets two for Daniels. He’s been on offense the entire time since Tiger was eliminated. Evans is sent to the apron and hits a springboard double knee strike for no cover. Big running knee strike gets no cover again. Instead he tries a 630 but eats knees to the back. Best Moonsault Ever gets two. Daniels tries a belly to back off the top but gets knocked backwards to the mat. A big corkscrew splash gives Evans the title. The referee looks around for help and stops at two as I guess he was crooked also.

 

Rating: B-. Fun match but at 25 minutes or so it’s a bit long. This whole show is over 4 hours so it’s a bit much to sit through when you’re not familiar with a lot of these guys. Still though, this was rather good for the most part. The long period before the first pin and then another crooked referee was too much though which is what’s holding it back. That and the time.

 

Dr. Wagner says he’ll win and be #1.

 

AAA World Heavyweight Title: Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Electroshock

 

Electroshock is defending champion here. This has apparently been a well built match and is supposed to be a war. Keep that in mind. Electroshock has no mask. Got it. That belt is huge. Fans are completely behind Wagner. They shake hands and here we go. LONG stall to start as we wait for them to actually do something. Two minutes without anything until they finally lock up.

 

Oh wait false alarm as we’re waiting again. And now, another lockup. Electroshock is muscled and Wagner is kind of stocky but well built. Rather technical stuff so far to start and we have a standoff. Test of strength results in Electroshock completely outmaneuvering Wagner and getting him down in a leg lock. The fans aren’t exactly pleased here.

 

And it’s another standoff. This is more like a badly written ballet/dance routine than a match. Back to that stupid test of strength for like the third time so far. And now Electroshock hits the floor out of boredom. Back and it’s another wristlock. There has been a total of one strike, a kick to the back, in this whole match and we’re about 8 minutes into it.

 

Short arm scissors gets neither guy anywhere. They trade some WEAK chops as I’m bored out of my mind here. Where are Gorilla and Jesse to make subtle jokes when I need them? Konnan seems to be praising this match as we’re in leg lock #8475 so far. A lot of hip tosses and arm drags set up a kick to the head by Wagner in the biggest move of the match. We get a replay of it in slow motion and it shows the kick must have missed by four inches. Nice job guys.

 

Wagner is sent to the floor so Electroshock hits a big dive to FINALLY get something going here. Fans are still cheering for Wagner. These guys are really bad about covering up that their strikes aren’t hitting. Electroshock grabs a Fujiwara Armbar and Wagner is in trouble. And then he just lets it go because I guess he wanted to go find an enchilada. Superplex by Electroshock gets two.

 

Can someone do something interesting? The match hasn’t been good from an entertainment standpoint, it’s decent from a technical standpoint, and it’s killed the crowd in general. WAY too much time without them doing anything in particular. The fans cheer for Wagner. Wagner sits there. Rana gets two for Wagner. Abdominal stretch by the champion which is the setup for his finisher but he cheats with the ropes and the hold is broken.

 

It’s 4:45am so excuse me if I nod off for a bit. Hey look: MORE STANDING AROUND! Victory Roll by the Doctor results in about 8 rolls in slow motion and Electroshock gets two out of it. The Dr. hits a front flip off the apron and both guys are down. Maybe they’re taking a nap while they’re out there. I wouldn’t blame them if they did.

 

Electroshock gets his hold which is a kneeling abdominal stretch with a leg lock. Yep that goes nowhere as Wagner reverses into a rollup for two. Wagner’s finisher, a Michinoku Driver, gets two. Medium boot by Electroshock gets him nowhere as Wagner hits an enziguri followed by the second Wagner Driver for the pin and the title. Dude….seriously? That’s the ending? Oh well at least it’s main event time.

 

Rating: D-. Oh my. Oh my indeed. This may have been the least interesting main event I have seen in a very long time. It runs 22 minutes and they were in first gear for about 20 minutes of that. There is, I kid you not, probably seven combined minutes of just standing around doing nothing. This match was very boring and sucked the decent life out of this show. Absolutely terrible and the fans booing in parts was something I’d have done too. Totally boring for the most part and the ending came out of nowhere.

 

Mesias, a former champion hands Wagner the belt and hugs him. Wagner and Electroshock shake hands too.

 

Between replays and the celebration we kill off almost ten minutes.

 

La Parka says he is the real La Parka and will prove it tonight.

 

LA Park vs. La Parka

 

Now this is an interesting one. LA Park is the original La Parka and the one from WCW. He was a major star in AAA but left 14 years ago to go to WCW. The thing was the original owner of AAA, and the guy whose ashes are in that urn, kept the rights to the gimmick and gave them to the guy known as La Parka. LA Park is the new name that the original La Parka used to continue the gimmick without continuing the gimmick. He returned in a shocking moment and said he wanted his name back. This match is for the official rights to the name and gimmick. In short, this is a big match that no one thought would happen.

 

Both come out to Thriller and look almost identical. I’ll try to remember who is who here. Out first is La Parka with the boss of the company, Joaquin. Ok this should be easier: Park has the skulls on his shoulders. That’s easier. Park also has the son of the president with him, Dorian, as the president and his papa are in a power struggle. The fans are behind the heel Park here which is interesting.

 

There’s a chair in the ring which is the signature weapon of both guys. Park dominates to start and grabs the chair for a big shot maybe a minute in. Another chair shot as this Parka (Park for the original, Parka for the new if that helps at all) guy is kind of getting his head kicked in. To the floor now as Park is yelling at Konnan and cuts a quick promo before the third chair shot. Is it the Rock in disguise?

 

Joaquin, the president, gets in his face until Parka saves him. By saves I mean he stands up so Park can get beaten up even more. Park rips at the mask and you can see Parka’s forehead. They’re in the crowd now as this has already had more action than the world title match and we’re not even five minutes into this. Park goes to the back and gets a table. I guess there aren’t table making leprechauns under the ring in Mexico.

 

Parka has not had a single bit of offense that I’ve seen. There’s a fire extinguisher at Parka who is just trying to cover up at this point. Table and chair in the ring now. The fans are totally behind the original Park here and it’s kind of funny since he’s the heel through and through. The table is set up in the corner but Park settles for just beating on Parka a bit more instead.

 

Dorian whispers something to Parka and his dad shoves him away. The referee gets involved and Parka charges to try to tackle Park through the table. Park steps to the side and Parka goes sailing through it. Belt comes off and it’s whipping time. This has literally been one sided the entire ten minutes so far. Park rams Parka’s head into the pieces of the table and the chair.

 

Park busts a piece of the table over Parka’s head to a big reaction. Here comes table #2. Park sets it up in the ring and puts the chair on top of it and goes up. OH MAN IT’S OFFENSE FROM PARKA!!!!!! He gets a few punches in and suplexes/slams Park through the table and onto the chair. The crowd is awake now. Parka is bleeding from the head it seems which makes sense.

 

BIG chair shot from Parka and momentum has completely shifted. Parka rips at Park’s mask as Joaquin is like do it! Parka’s mask is covering maybe half of his face at this point. Into the crowd again goes Park while Parka’s mask looks rather weird. Oh man Parka is busted BAD. Park’s mask is barely staying on too. Back in the ring now and Parka has the belt now so he lays in some HARD shots.

 

A slam gets a pop. Between two guys of relatively average size when do you hear that? Parka goes up but gets crotched by Park. The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Park jumps into the boot of Parka and the new guy has control again. Park goes to the floor again and it’s a too short suicide dive by Parka. The mask is hanging on like a Post-It at this point.

 

Parka celebrates but Park sneaks up on him and hooks in a choke that looks like he’s trying for a Backstabber but keeps Parka on the mat on his knees and pulls back on his chin. Looks great if you didn’t get that. Park starts going for the knees and adds a Backstabber for two. This is that slow counting referee again. Parka fights back and gets what was supposed to be a Codebreaker from the middle rope for two.

 

Big boot by Park gets a close two. Semi-botched DDT by Parka gets two and a ton of booing. They counter each other a bit until something resembling the Eye of the Hurricane gets two for Park. Both guys are gassed bad here. Park charges in the corner but rams the post instead. Park’s mask is more or less gone here. Leg lock by Parka right in front of Dorian.

 

There’s the rope but the referee has to break up the hold. Not often that you see that from a hold put on by a face. Park gets a rollup for two. Park for no apparent reason dives at the referee who was on the floor for no apparent reason. So there’s no referee and Park is more or less dead. Dorian has the chair and Parka gets a clothesline to put Park down again.

 

Parka sets for a tombstone which is illegal in Mexico but Joaquin stops him. An enziguri from Park puts Parka down again. Joaquin has the chair now but Park winds up managing to hit the Tombstone on the chair and Parka is out cold. Another chair in the hands of Park as Joaquin comes in.

 

Dorian says no don’t hit him but Park shoves Dorian down and clocks Joaquin with the chair instead. Dorian gets up and turns face, blasting Park with the chair a bunch of times to avenge his father. Then with both skeleton dudes down, Los Perros Del Mal, a group of invading wrestlers from a promotion of the same name, put Park on top of Parka for the pin to win the name.

 

Rating: B+. This was a WAR. They beat the tar out of each other and it’s only the ending and the exhaustion that is holding this back. It wasn’t a great match from a workrate standpoint or anything but there was a great story out there and the fans were into it. This was supposed to go on next to last with Wagner vs. Electroshock going here instead but this worked far better. Great match and a great way to end the show.

 

Los Perros Del Mal celebrate with a bunch more of them hitting the ring. Parka is taken out on a stretcher and the leader/owner of Los Perros Del Mal say they’re taking over AAA. A bunch of AAA guys and security come out while the fans chant for Los Perros. The leader of Los Perros (Perro Aguayo, Jr.) says wrestling needs a change and that change is Los Perros.

 

Also whether you like it or not, Park is the original and forever the real La Parka. Park says Los Perros will own AAA and Dorian doesn’t know what to do. Park runs down AAA, Dorian and Konnan. Take a guess who would be in a heel superstable in less than a month. If you guessed all three of them, WELL DONE YOU LUNKHEAD!

 

The woman with the urn says the original owner (Antonio Pena. The woman with the urn is apparently his sister and Joaquin is his the woman’s (Marisol) husband. Dorian is Antonio’s nephew/Joaquin’s son) is watching and all that jazz and that AAA will beat Los Perros Del Mal and what not to end the show.

 

In a little followup, later that night the Mexican Boxing and Athletic Commission said that the result of the main event was thrown out due to the interference. The next day AAA had a press conference where Dorian officially turned face (technico) again and said that Park was the official La Parka and that the loser of the main event would have to change his name. This was later dropped.

 

Two weeks after this, the Foreign Legion and Los Perros would merge. There would be a mini group added called La Milicia and then about two months later Los Maniacos, the tag champions, joined and the superstable was called La Sociedad. That feud has gone on since with Mesias fighting Perro Aquayo Jr. and Cibernetico making his own stable to fight Los Perros. Los Perros have a ton of titles now including the world title held by El Zorro. Granted this could be out of date very soon but that’s what Wikipedia is for.

 

Overall Rating: B. I liked this. I liked it quite a bit actually. This is the kind of show I could see myself watching on a regular basis. Now to be fair this is the Wrestlemania of this company but it felt like one of those. There’s a lot I didn’t get because this is my first time watching, but at the end of the day I’d like to see more of this which is exactly the point. Fun stuff, some bad stuff, but overall I liked this and would watch more of it if I had the chance. Good show overall with some bad spots (world title match for example).
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Monday Nitro – July 7, 1997: Diamond Dallas Page, Randy Savage, And A La Parka Mask

Monday Nitro #95
Date: July 7, 1997
Location: Mid-South Coliseum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,799
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

We’re finally back to this series with the go home show for Bash at the Beach which is the final show before we get to something a little more interesting than celebrities in the main event. Tonight we have a pretty famous moment which is a cool building block for a feud. I won’t spoil it for those of you unfamiliar with it so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Sting cleaning house last week to end the show, as Hennig and Raven came to ringside as well.

Opening sequence.

Gene is here with Hennig to open things up. The fans boo Hennig for some reason. He says he’ll be at Bash at the Beach and will be active in some capacity, but he won’t say if he’s Page’s mystery partner or not. Hennig declares himself a free agent and here’s Flair with some blonde. Flair is all fired up and says Hennig is here to join the Horsemen. Curt says he didn’t say he’s joining, although he seems intrigued by the offer.

Harlem Heat vs. Public Enemy

Booker and Grunge start but all four guys get in the ring for a staring contest before any contact is made. Booker pounds Johnny down in the corner and clotheslines him down for two. It’s off to Rock who has a bit better luck as he pounds away on Booker’s arm. That’s about the extent of his luck though as Ray comes in and pounds away in the corner.

The Heat keep control and a side slam by Booker gets two. An elbow misses Rock and the tag brings in Grunge. Everything breaks down and here’s Vincent of the NWO for no apparent reason. Sherri points him out to Booker which breaks up a Heat double team move. Booker goes after Vincent and Sherri accidentally pushes Rock into Stevie, giving Grunge a pin. It was about as messy as it sounds.

Rating: D. This was four minutes of punching and kicking before we got to the ending where things got more complicated than they needed to. Apparently Vincent had interfered in a Harlem Heat match on Saturday Night as well, so there’s some kind of a story there which is better than some random attack I guess. The match sucked though.

Post match Harlem Heat yells at Sherri. Gene accidentally calls Vincent Virgil here. Booker says Sherri needs to get her act together or she’s gone. Sherri quits instead.

Joe Gomez vs. Konnan

Raven is in the front row again. Konnan hammers away to start but Gomez comes back with his usual jobber offense. Tenay talks about Raven being ECW Champion without saying ECW. Konnan cranks away on the head and arm for awhile and hits the rolling clothesline for two. The Tequila Sunrise (kneeling arm trap half crab) ends Gomez pretty quickly.

Rating: D. Just a squash here and Gomez continues to be one of those guys that is always around but never really did anything. Konnan would be continuing his heel turn (I think?) in the next few months before finally joining the NWO just like almost every other heel on the roster would do.

Hector Garza/Juventud Guerrera vs. Villano IV/Villano V

Garza and I think #4 start things off here with Garza flying all over the place. The Villanos are a bit bigger so they’re better as targets than guys flying through the air. Off to Juvy who speeds things up even more and hits a rana to send IV into the corner for the tag to V. Garza comes back in and gets caught in something like a Demolition Decapitation from the Villanos.

V drops a leg and it’s back to IV for a clothesline. A powerslam gets two for IV but a double elbow misses. The non-brothers double team a bit and everything breaks down. We get a move we would call Poetry in Motion to both Villanos but IV catches Juvy in mid aid and slams him down for two.

Garza launches Juvy into a double dropkick and a sunset flip gets one for Guerrera. A double gutbuster slows Juvy down but Garza hits a backbreaker and moonsault for two. This is very fast paced stuff. Heel miscommunication sends the Villanos to the floor and there’s the Corkscrew Plancha from Garza to take out IV. Juvy Driver and 450 get the pin on V back in the ring.

Rating: C+. Take four luchadores, give them five minutes, cover your ears so the fans don’t hurt your ears with the cheering. This is one of those ideas that just works and didn’t need a lot of work. These guys were all very talented and could impress the crowd by going out there and doing what they had been doing in Mexico for years. Standard lucha tag match here and it was fun stuff.

Liz, Macho and Hall invade the announce desk but Larry Z won’t leave. They say they’re going to take Page and whoever the mystery partner is very lightly because they’re just too good. Just a quick promo to hype the tag match Sunday here. Hall throws his shirt at Larry and Zbyszko wants to fight. Nothing comes of it of course.

We get a video on Giant and Luger teaming up on Sunday. They’re not sure if they can trust each other but they’re going to.

Vicious and Delicious vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero

It’s Bagwell and Norton as the as the NWO B tag team. Before the match, a limo is seen arriving in the back. We take a break and come back to see Chavo vs. Buff starting things off. Buff is looking pretty roided up here and pounds away to start. Apparently Syxx and Nash aren’t here, which Tony thinks is some kind of genius master plan. Yes, the master plan is to have LESS forces here while they’re in a war. Keep that up Tony. We need thinking like that.

Off to Norton and Eddie makes a blind tag to missile dropkick him. Scott will have none of this falling down thing and suplexes both Guerreros down. Eddie doesn’t seem to want to stay in despite being tagged so Bagwell slaps him into reality. Things speed up and Bagwell gets dropkicked down, only to come back with a hotshot to put Eddie down. Back to Norton who throws Eddie around by the throat. Larry: “He picked him up like a baby.” What kind of person picks up babies by the throat and throws them into a corner? Instead of commentating Larry needs to be filling out police reports for child abuse.

Eddie does that fast crawl on his knees across the ring to tag in Chavo so he can get beaten up for awhile. Bagwell jumps into a boot and Eddie doesn’t seem interested in tagging back in. Now he walks away as Norton suplexes Chavo down for two. A quick rollup gets two on Bagwell but he walks into a wicked powerslam from Norton. Eddie yells at Chavo to get up from the stage as Norton picks Chavo up from a cover. Norton powerbombs Chavo down and holds him up for a Blockbuster which gets the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a more entertaining match which was helped because I like the Blockbuster a lot. Other than that, this was more about an angle instead of the match, which was really just a long squash. Vicious and Delicious never went anywhere but they were fine for matches like this one. More weak stuff on the show so far.

Hour #2 starts but Larry wants to watch the next match instead of letting Heenan sit down. Scratch that as we’re going to have a four man booth for awhile.

La Parka vs. Randy Savage

We get a video of La Parka’s chair usage of the last month. They trade armdrags to start and Heenan’s headset doesn’t work. A small package gets two for La Parka so Savage clotheslines him down. He walks to the announcers desk as Savage slams La Parka and loads up the elbow. La Parka gets his feet up, hits a Diamond Cutter on Savage and pins him. The mask comes off and it’s Diamond Dallas Page, drawing a BIG pop from the crowd.

Rating: C. The match sucked, but this is one of those moments that people always remember from Nitro. Page vs. Savage was one of those feuds where they kept them apart long enough between the matches that you wanted to see them fight when you got the chance. This is called building a feud and unfortunately it’s a lost art today.

Ernest Miller/Glacier vs. Silver King/Psychosis

Well it’s not Wrath and Mortis at least. The bell rings and Glacier causes some lucha-miscommunication, but we cut to the back to see the Guerreros in a fight. Glacier and Psychosis are starting things off but before anything happens it’s off to Miller for, wait for it, wait for it…..KICKING! King launches Psychosis at Miller but Psychosis’ kick only grazes him. Everything breaks down and we get a lot of kicking. There’s a leg lock to Psychosis by Miller but Silver King breaks it up. Psychosis kicks Miller down but a second one is countered into a powerbomb….and here are Mortis and Wrath for the fast DQ.

All three teams brawl for awhile.

Lee Marshall does his thing. In case you’re not familiar with him after I reference him week after week, congratulations: you’re now almost exactly like most old school wrestling fans. Marshall was a really bad commentator on the D level TV shows and that’s about it.

Here’s Flair with that blonde again. Flair brings out Piper, his opponent on Sunday. Actually, it’s just a mannequin. Oh I don’t see this ending well. Flair says Piper isn’t the icon and the blonde (with the thickest country accent I’ve heard in years) asks why he’s called Hot Rod. The real Piper comes up behind Flair as Flair goes on a big rant about Piper.

They head to the ring and Flair gets his clothes ripped off, revealing green boxers. The Horsemen come out for the save but Piper beats them all up. The Horsemen finally get him down and Benoit hits the longest Swan Dive I’ve ever seen. Someone comes in for a save as we go to a break. Even the announcers couldn’t tell who he was.

Post break, of course we don’t mention who the other guy was.

Raven still has nothing to say but Stevie Richards comes in to speak for Bird Boy. He calls himself Dancing Stevie Richards and tells Tenay to go “ask one of the Mexicans what their favorite movie is.” Richards asks Raven some questions but again gets no answers. Tenay gets shoved away.

Chris Benoit/Steve McMichael vs. Steiners

Apparently it was Jeff Jarrett in the ring. Good enough I guess. Steve and Scott start things off with Steiner immediately taking it to the mat. Mongo comes back with a powerslam but walks into a spinning belly to belly for two. Off to Rick vs. Benoit with Benoit going off on Steiner in the corner. Rick comes back with a release overhead belly to belly for two and grabs him on the mat.

Mongo comes in again and punches Rick a bit as the match slows down. Rick shoves him into the corner so Scott can beat on McMichael on the floor a bit. Savage is in the back beating up Nick Patrick and hurting his shoulder. What would a main event be without a cutaway to something in the back? Scott gorilla presses Benoit and puts him in an STF. Rick gets the tag and puts Benoit in an STF of his own.

Benoit comes back with a dragon screw legwhip and it’s off to McMichael. Scott comes in and belly to belly superplexes Mongo down for two. Rick gets the hot (?) tag to clean house and everything breaks down. Jeff Jarrett runs out and beats up Mongo as Sullivan comes out with a chair to crack over Benoit’s head. Rick sees what happened and steals the pin anyway.

Rating: C-. This was more along the lines of a way to build up Mongo and Benoit’s singles matches on Sunday. The match was kind of a mess but it was a very physical mess which made things more interesting. When the Steiners started throwing people around it was always entertaining, as was Benoit suplexing everyone all over the place. Not a terrible match but it was messy.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff to close the show. Bischoff talks about seeing Luger on Regis and Kathy Lee this morning and how after Sunday, no one is going to want to see him again. This is a really basic interview until Luger and Giant chase them off to end the show. The NWO comes in and Luger puts Bischoff in the Rack with Giant running interference.

Overall Rating: D. Over than the Savage and Page stuff, this was a pretty dull show. The matches weren’t any good and while the PPV was built up, it’s still nothing that I have any interest in watching. Thankfully after this we would move towards matches that were for more than bragging rights and honor. This show on its own doesn’t do anything that well though, other than the Page stuff which is really memorable.

Here’s Bash at the Beach if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/04/22/bash-at-the-beach-1997-nba-players-and-armdrags/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews