Monday Night Raw – November 26, 2007: I’m Worried For The Future

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 26, 2007
Location: Bobcats Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,900
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the holiday week and the big story coming out of last week is the return of Chris Jericho. You can see the Raw main event of next month’s pay per view from here but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Jericho is an instant main eventer and someone to give Orton a challenge, though he might have some rust to shake off first. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Jericho’s return last week and his challenge to Orton for a Raw World Title shot.

Opening sequence.

HHH/Jeff Hardy vs. Snitsky/Umaga

Hardy and Snitsky start things off with Hardy being sent straight into the corner for the tag off to HHH. Some shoulders to the ribs slow HHH down but he avoids a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. That lets HHH start in on the arm before both villains are sent to the floor. Hardy dives onto the two of them but gets caught, meaning HHH has to knock the three of them down as we take a break.

Back with Umaga hitting Hardy with the swinging Rock Bottom and Snitsky coming in to crank on both of Hardy’s arms. An elbow to the face drops Hardy and Umaga adds a spinwheel kick for two. The neck crank goes on for a bit before Hardy flips out of Snitsky’s pumphandle slam. A dropkick into the back allows the hot tag to HHH so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Snitsky is sent out to the floor. HHH clotheslines him out over the barricade and Jeff hits a Whisper in the Wind on Umaga. The Pedigree into the Swanton finishes for Hardy.

Rating: C. They didn’t have much drama here and that isn’t the biggest surprise. Hardy is on a roll and HHH is HHH so they shouldn’t be having trouble with Snitsky and a rapidly decreasing Umaga. Hardy seems ready to move up to the next level and being around HHH, in one way or another, is a good way to do that.

Post match here is William Regal to say he wants to see both of them fighting at Armageddon, and they’ll just do that against each other (with the clarification that it will be non-title).

Ric Flair arrives and Lawler thinks he might have a special announcement.

Here is Flair for a chat. Flair seems serious and that he has an announcement to make. The fans here have always been so good to him, as has every city he has ever competed in, the world over. He has been gone for six months because everyone knows that his career can’t go on forever. That’s why he has gotten involved in a lot of other things, but there will be a time when he has to retire. Right now though, he is announcing…..THAT HE WILL NEVER RETIRE! He loves this business and is going nowhere but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt.

Vince said Flair had him going and hopes that Flair goes on forever….as long as he keeps winning. That’s exactly what he said: Flair can keep wrestling as long as he keeps winning, but once he loses, his career is over. Vince: “Good luck Ric, and I hope you don’t die anytime soon.” Vince goes to leave but here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton thanks Flair for everything over the years, both in and out of the ring. He also thanks Flair for the pleasure of ending his career tonight, so Vince makes the match for tonight.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Highlanders vs. Cody Rhodes/Hardcore Holly/Super Crazy/Jim Duggan

Robbie works on Crazy’s wrist to start but Crazy pulls him over to Duggan to take over. The arm cranking ensues until Cody gets elbowed in the face. Cade comes in to knee him in the ribs and it’s off to Murdoch to work on the arm. That’s broken up and Cody sends Murdoch arm first into the post, allowing the hot tag to Holly. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam finishes Robbie as Duggan, again, never tagged in.

Rating: C-. As usual, there is only so much you can do with a match like this as they had a lot of people and not much time to use. Holly and Rhodes working well together is somewhat interesting and it isn’t like there are any other teams around to get in the way of their title shot. Duggan never actually tagging in is kind of a funny deal for him, as it isn’t like his team is going to go anywhere anyway.

Jeff Hardy has had fun teaming with HHH but he hesitates to call them friends. HHH comes in to say he doesn’t do the friends thing and at Armageddon, Jeff is in the ring with the Game.

We look back at Shawn Michaels superkicking a chair into Mr. Kennedy’s face last week.

Mr. Kennedy has a copy of the new Shawn Michaels Heartbreak and Triumph DVD but doesn’t sound overly impressed. He talks about Shawn losing matches but also his smile, which is a good lesson. Shawn also whines a lot as he keeps his main event spot in spite of a bunch of young, hungry wrestlers. There are some highs and lows, but Shawn’s lowest point will come when he faces Kennedy.

Ric Flair is in the back with Arn Anderson and Barry Windham for the surprise cameos.

Here is Chris Jericho, who is here to save us from Randy Orton and become WWE Champion. Everyone but Orton gets this and that is because Orton has the IQ of a kumquat. Jericho makes it simple by saying “me want title match.” He even has visual aides with a photo of himself (Me), Cookie Monster (Want), the WWE Title (Title), and a match (Match).

Jericho wants an answer but gets Santino Marella instead. Marella calls him KYJ but Jericho can’t get his name right either (Sandusky? Santana? Santa Maria?). Finally Santino snaps and shouts his name, with Jericho managing to get it. Santino says he’s ready to beat Jericho up so Jericho wants a referee out here right now. Hold on as Santino needs to warm up, meaning he decks Jerry Lawler and we take a break.

Santino Marella vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho kicks him into the corner and chokes a bit to start, setting up a suplex. The triangle dropkick puts Marella on the floor but he’s back in with a neckbreaker for two. The chinlock goes on but Jericho is right back up. An atomic drop and bulldog set up the debuting Codebreaker for the pin to finish Santino.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to see here other than “hey Jericho wrestles too”. Oh and that new finisher thing but I can’t imagine it goes anywhere. Jericho still looks weird with the hair but the charisma that he has is more than enough to make up for anything that is off with his look. Marella continues to become one of the most annoying things in WWE and that is a good thing to have around.

Post match Jericho has Lawler come in the ring to beat on Santino a bit. Jericho jumps on commentary as Lawler drops the middle rope fist for the feel good beating.

Shawn Michaels wishes Ric Flair good luck and gives him a pep talk. Flair promises to go out in a blaze of glory, which has Shawn thinking.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick

Kennedy shoves him around to start and shrugs off a dropkick. Some stomping in the corner sets up a Downward Spiral to put Kendrick away fast.

Post match Kennedy challenges Shawn Michaels for Armageddon.

Smackdown Rebound.

Hornswoggle is in Vince McMahon’s office, with Vince going over Hornswoggle’s recent luck. Finlay has been around a lot in those moments though, and that’s why Vince is giving Finlay a match with Great Khali at Armageddon. As for Hornswoggle, Vince sends him to get an ice cream sandwich. With Hornswoggle gone, Vince grabs a walkie talkie and says “Mr. Rogers Has Left The Neighborhood. Repeat: Mr. Rogers Has Left The Neighborhood.”

We cut to Hornswoggle with a box of ice cream sandwiches, but then he sees a sign for FREE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES. He goes into the room, where Carlito is waiting. Hornswoggle is scared, but pulls out some spray paint and paints a hole in the wall. He runs through said hole, and disappears. Then Carlito tries to do it and hits his face on the wall. Ron Simmons cameoing ensues. Eh Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner did it better. The breaking the laws of….I guess matter, not the cameoing.

Mickie James vs. Melina

The winner gets a Women’s Title shot at the pay per view so Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Feeling out process to start until Melina kicks her in the face for an early one. Mickie takes her into the corner and tosses her back out though, setting up the Thesz press for two. A hurricanrana out of the corner sets up the MickieDT to finish Melina fast.

The roster applauds Ric Flair on his way to the ring. HHH shakes his hand and hugs him, telling Flair to show them who he is.

Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and Flair’s career is on the line. Flair chops away to start and drops Orton with an elbow to the face. Back up and Orton punches his way out of the corner, setting up the backdrop to put Flair down again. That means the circle stomp is on but Orton misses the big knee. He settles for a dropkick to take Flair down again though and we hit the chinlock.

Flair fights up and gets clotheslined to the floor, where Orton suplexes him for a bonus. The headlock goes on back inside but Flair is out again, this time starting in on the leg. The Figure Four is locked in the middle of the ring (the fans are WAY into this) but Orton makes the rope. Orton hits the RKO for two, with Flair grabbing the rope as well. A bunch of right hands to the head have Flair in more trouble but here is Chris Jericho to distract the referee. Flair uses said distraction to get in a low blow and rollup (with trunks) for the upset pin.

Rating: C+. This is a good example of a match that wasn’t anything of note on its own but was boosted up by the crowd’s reactions. The fans were into everything that Flair was doing and that is enough to move things up all the higher. The ending gives Orton some protection and should further set up the already set Jericho title match so at least they got somewhere with the result.

Overall Rating: C-. Forgive me for not being thrilled with a show that featured all kinds of Flair praise and Hornswoggle running through a hole in the wall. The rest of the show was pretty lame as well, as Raw continues to trail pretty far behind Smackdown week to week. Jericho vs. Orton should be good, but this show has me worried about how the top stories for this show are going to go in the next few weeks.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – November 12, 2007: The Fight Before The Fights

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2007
Location: Kansas Expo Center, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and the show is mostly set. Last week’s show was some weird offshoot that didn’t do much to make me want to see Survivor Series, but at least the pay per view looks good on paper. That could make for an interesting week here so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a special Veterans Day video.

Here is Smackdown World Champion Batista to get things going. He is getting ready for the Undertaker inside the Cell on Sunday and he is here because of an invitation from Raw General Manager William Regal. Batista wants some competition and here is Undertaker to interrupt. Undertaker seems ready to fight and we have a referee but cue Regal to interrupt, because we’re going to have a tag match.

Batista/Undertaker vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Undertaker starts fast with Old School on Cade but Batista tags himself in for some shoulders to the ribs. Murdoch comes in and shoulders Batista down but a spinebuster gets Batista out of trouble. Undertaker chokeslams Cade and Batista spears Murdoch. The Tombstone finishes Cade in a hurry, because the Tag Team Champions should be losing in less than three minutes to a team who doesn’t like each other.

Post match, Batista gives Murdoch a bonus Batista Bomb.

Here’s a look at Smackdown vs. Raw 2008.

Beth Phoenix vs. Maria

Non-title. Beth kicks her down without much trouble to start but Maria gets in some kicks of her own. That’s enough for Beth as she grabs the fisherman’s suplex for the pin.

Post match Santino Marella comes out to check on Maria. With that out of the way, Santino starts talking about how unfair it was to get beaten up by Steve Austin last week. What happened to the first amendment? Santino wants an apology from Austin, who isn’t here this week. With that not working, he’ll go over to Austin’s friend, Jim Ross. Santino mocks JR’s English abilities and wants a fight, but JR won’t get up. Jerry Lawler will though and gets in the ring to punch Santino down.

Post break, Santino challenges Lawler for later tonight. Lawler is game.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton.

We get a Mobile Exclusive (meaning something that aired on Smackdown) showing Randy Orton and William Regal meeting in the back. The Survivor Series match will now have Sweet Chin Music banned, but if Orton tries to get disqualified, he loses the title.

Hardys/Rey Mysterio vs. Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/MVP

Matt wants MVP to start with him but gets Finlay instead. Finlay shoulders him down and hands it off to Kennedy to work on the knee as it’s weird hearing JR talk about these guys after so many months. Matt fights up with some armdrags but a distraction lets Kennedy knock him to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Matt and Kennedy not quite getting a Side Effect right. It’s still enough to bring Rey in but MVP takes him down anyway. MVP grabs a seated abdominal stretch and it’s back to Finlay for a running sitdown splash to stay on the ribs. Kennedy hits some backbreakers and MVP grabs a waistlock as the ribs are rather banged up. Rey fights up and grabs a DDT though, allowing the hot tag off to Jeff. Everything breaks down and Rey hits a 619 to MVP and Kennedy at the same time. Jeff Swantons MVP for the pin.

Rating: C+. I think you knew what you were getting here and they did it just fine. You have more than enough talent here that any combination could have pulled off a good match here and the Mysterio rib injury worked. There is a pretty solid mid to upper midcard in WWE at the moment and this was a nice showcase for some of them.

SAVE US, which now says six days, 23 hours, 33 minutes and BREAK THE WALLS in case you didn’t get the idea yet.

Here is Vince McMahon to moderate a face to face meeting between Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. They go over the stipulations for Sunday’s match, which brings up the idea of Shawn not being able to use the superkick. Shawn thinks Orton picked these rules because he is sick of the superkick. Maybe Shawn is a one trick pony, but maybe he could use a submission or something new.

All that matters to Shawn is that he remembers seeing his family after Orton put him down and that isn’t going to go away. Vince offers a distraction though and Orton gets in a cheap shot, only to have Vince block the Punt. Orton goes with the RKO instead and Shawn is left laying for a change. Nice use of a heel beatdown segment here.

Jillian Hall/Layla/Melina vs. Mickie James/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly

Michelle and Melina fight over wrist control to start, with Michelle wristdragging her into the corner. Kelly comes in and makes the mistake of dancing a bit too much, allowing Melina to drop her with a clothesline. Jillian comes in and quickly gives up a tag off to Mickie so house can be cleaned. Mickie gives Layla the Long Kiss Goodnight (kiss into a spinning kick to the head) for the pin.

Classic Survivor Series clip: The Rock wins the WWF Title at Survivor Series 1998 by going Corporate.

Snitsky likes to hurt people.

Jerry Lawler vs. Santino Marella

Lawler is in street clothes and JR keeps hyping up the right hand. A backdrop has Marella in early trouble and the right hands knock him up against the ropes. Marella gets in him into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs but Lawler avoids a knee drop. Some right hands stagger Lawler but Marella stops to yell at JR and gets small packaged for the fast pin. Short and inoffensive.

SAVE US. AGAIN.

Before the fans came in earlier today, William Regal held a training session for Hornswoggle in the empty arena. For some reason, Hornswoggle and Great Khali (or at least Coach in a Khali wig) both get full entrances from Lilian Garcia. Coach takes the wig off but Real yells at him until he puts it back on. Someone else as Runjin Singh handles the ranting translations and we seem to be having a full match. Hornswoggle takes a distracted Coach down, knocks the wind out of him and hits the Tadpole Splash for the fast pin. This could have been funny but it was too short to go anywhere.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is looking forward to Survivor Series but tonight, he’s taking out Umaga in a lumberjack match. He’ll take out all of Umaga’s guys if he needs to and then his team will win again on Sunday.

Classic Survivor Series clip: The Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us. No.

HHH vs. Umaga

Lumberjack match with the other Survivor Series team members (and more) around the ring. Umaga starts fast and the brawl is on, with HHH being sent outside. A right hand drops Matt Striker so HHH heads back inside, only to take Umaga outside this time. HHH dives off the apron to take out Umaga and the pile. Umaga gets in a shot of his own though and we take a break.

Back with Umaga hitting the swinging release Rock Bottom to take over again. Umaga sits on HHH’s ribs and lets Finlay get in a cheap shot from the floor (as you do). HHH gets in a shot to the head and tries a slam, only to fall back in a crash. We hit the nerve hold for a bit before HHH gets pounded down into the corner. The running hip attack misses though, allowing HHH to grab a DDT. The facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree but Umaga is back with the Samoan drop. Not that HHH minds as he comes back with the spinebuster, drawing in Finlay for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was almost every HHH vs. Umaga match you’ve ever seen but with some guest stars on the floor. They couldn’t have a clean ending on the last show before Survivor Series and lumberjacks are a perfect way out. I don’t think there is a ton of drama for what is going to happen on Sunday though and there was only so much interest in seeing these two fight again here.

The big brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. As has been obvious on Smackdown in recent weeks, Survivor Series is not going to be a deep show. There is the Undertaker vs. Batista match on top, then Shawn vs. Orton a good bit below that. Other than that, you have Team HHH vs. Team Umaga to make it feel like Survivor Series and that’s really about it for stuff that matters. This wasn’t exactly a great go home show, but they did a nice enough job of hitting the bigger stuff on Sunday’s card. Now just get through Survivor Series and let us get on to something more traditional, as that could do Raw and Smackdown some good.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – November 5, 2007: A Wacky Side Trip With Special Appearances

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 5, 2007
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,133
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and now that the Smackdown main event has been announced, you have to expect the Raw counterpart will be set up soon. The big story tonight is a one night reunion of D-Generation X, as HHH needs some help deal with Randy Orton and Umaga. Sounds Survivor Seriesish to me. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Fabulous Moolah.

Opening sequence.

Here is D-Generation X to get things going. After a fairly long entrance, HHH says this is for one night only and asks if we’re ready. The catchphrase is loaded up but a crotch chopping Hornswoggle interrupts. HHH: “Well that’s…different.” HHH tells him to get back under the ring but Hornswoggle doesn’t listen. Shawn is asked for a run sheet and, after going through all of his merchandise, finds said sheet in his boot (Shawn: “In case I forget what I’m supposed to do.”).

The sheet says DX PROMO in segment one at 9PM (HHH: “East coast time.”) and Hornswoggle isn’t on until the short segment. Hornswoggle then armdrags Shawn into an armscissors (with HHH pointing out that it is the SHORT armscissors). Shawn: “I’m going to make a judgment call here: for tonight, he’s in.”. Hornswoggle doesn’t want to go under the ring because there’s a monster under there.

Shawn goes to look….and is pulled under. He comes back up with worms in his mouth so here is the Boogeyman. HHH hands him a mic, with Boogeyman saying “I’M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I’M COMING TO…..see if I can join DX.” Shawn makes another executive decision and lets Boogeyman in again so here is Great Khali as a bonus. Shawn: “To keep me from turning into a human Slim Jim, let’s pretend he isn’t here and move on.” HHH goes into an Indian impression that would get him thrown off the air today but now it’s Coach interrupting.

HHH isn’t having this and tells Runjin Singh what Coach said about Khali earlier. Shawn, who CAN’T LIE, backs HHH up and Khali chases Coach to the floor. Everyone else leaves, with Shawn saying he doesn’t know who writes this anymore but this is the worst thing he’s seen since that Katie Vick thing. HHH: “I don’t think anyone writes this crap. They’re on strike.” Catchphrases are hit to wrap up the wackiness.

Actor Luke Perry is here. There are some kids around him, and if one of those is his son, we have seen the wrestling debut of the future Jungle Boy.

We look back at Kelly Kelly winning last week’s Halloween battle royal and getting destroyed by Beth Phoenix after.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Non-title and Phoenix grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for the pin in less than a minute. Well so much for Kelly for the time being, which is how it should go in this situation.

Santino Marella knows that Steve Austin will be here tonight and mocks Austin’s acting abilities. He even throws in a paper bag, so Austin can act his way out of it.

Carlito vs. Joey Munoz

Hold on though as Carlito says he isn’t wrestling so here is a replacement.

Snitsky vs. Joey Munoz

Pumphandle slam finishes Munoz in about thirty seconds.

Post match Snitsky kicks Carlito in the face and gives him the pumphandle slam too. Time for another Snitsky push it seems.

We get a Jeff Hardy video set to Rooftops by Lostprophets. This is actually on Peacock despite it being a music video and the Lostprophets singer being a monster. That aside, this is a heck of a video, with the lyrics about screaming and dropping bombs being timed to shots of fans screaming for Hardy and Swantons. You can tell something big is coming for him and that is a very good idea. Ignore Jerry Lawler being heard asking “how long is it” after the video starts.

For Survivor Series: Team HHH (HHH/CM Punk/Kane/Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy) vs. Team Umaga (Umaga/MVP/Mr. Kennedy/Finlay/Big Daddy V).

Mr. Kennedy/Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio/Jeff Hardy

JR dubs Hardy and Mysterio as the WWE Air Force. Hardy and Finlay go to the mat to start until a Kennedy distraction lets Finlay hit a clothesline to the floor. We take a break and come back with Mysterio hitting a springboard crossbody on Kennedy, only to have him run Mysterio over.

It’s Finlay coming back in to go after the knee, including a half crab. The legdrop onto the knee makes it worse and Kennedy adds a right hand for two. Mysterio is back with something like a DDT, allowing the hot tag off to Hardy to clean house. The Whisper in the Wind hits Kennedy but Finlay makes the save. Rey 619s Finlay to the floor, leaving Hardy to hit the Swanton for the pin.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard midcard tag match here with the wrestlers involved being good enough to make almost anything work. Mysterio vs. Finlay is set up for a blowoff on Friday while Hardy vs. Kennedy seems to have run its course. That being said, throw in the video package before the match and it is hard to imagine they are waiting much longer on giving Hardy the main event push, which seems to have been set up for a few weeks now.

Maria tries to tell Santino Marella that Steve Austin is here but he doesn’t buy it.

Here are Maria and Santino Marella for a chat. Santino mocks the Condemned, then he mocks the Condemned’s director, then he mocks the Condemned again, then Steve Austin comes out. Austin corrects Santino’s errors in his catchphrases and then asks about the Condemned again. Santino really did hate the movie and turns down a beer, saying he would rather have a glass of red wine. Austin hands him a copy of the Condemned but Santino can’t watch it again.

There’s the Stunner, allowing Austin to put the DVD in Santino’s mouth. Austin thinks Santino is thirsty and goes to the back before coming out driving a beer truck. Santino gets sprayed down and, despite her begging, so does Maria. Beer is consumed to wrap up a segment that wasn’t funny and felt pretty out of character for Austin. I know he needs to promote a DVD, but that just doesn’t feel like an Austin thing.

SAVE US!

Vince McMahon is in the back with Hornswoggle and takes the blame for the trouble Hornswoggle has had with Jonathan Coachman. McMahon even has a way for Hornswoggle to prove himself at Survivor Series…..when he faces Great Khali.

Survivor Series rundown.

HHH is in the back and has been asked to talk because they need to fill in time while Steve Austin’s mess is cleaned up. Shawn Michaels comes in to say he has it set, so here are the DX Dancers….which is Big Dick Johnson. HHH isn’t impressed but Shawn says he’s a father of two so the only cool thing he knows is Dora the Explorer. Don’t worry though as HHH has The Girls Next Door (from a Playboy reality show, meaning Shawn leaves with his eyes covered). Dancing ensues and it’s very strange to see HHH…..I guess it’s dancing but I’m not sure.

Lance Cade sends Mickie James away for talking to Trevor Murdoch.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Cody Rhodes

Ignore Lilian Garcia saying Lance Cade (at ringside) is in the match by mistake. Hardcore Holly is here too and Rhodes is sent to the apron to start, where he gets in a shoulder to the ribs. Murdoch breaks that up and takes him down for a chinlock as Lawler and JR make as many redneck jokes as they can. Rhodes fights up and hits a bulldog into a knee drop for two but Cade’s distraction fails. Murdoch misses a charge into the corner though and Rhodes grabs a sunset flip for the pin. Not much to this one but Rhodes wins again.

Tribute video to Fabulous Moolah. This includes a rundown of her career highlights, such as becoming the first woman to wrestle in Madison Square Garden. I guess she wrestled herself that night.

Jim Duggan/Super Crazy vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Before the match, Duggan and Crazy chant SI/HO over and over. Haas knocks Crazy over to start and hits a slam before handing it off to Benjamin. More slamming abounds as Duggan continues to play cheerleader on the apron. Benjamin knocks Duggan off the apron but Crazy grabs a rollup (with trunks) for the pin. Duggan never tagged in but he does pat Crazy on the head after the win.

Umaga/Randy Orton vs. D-Generation X

It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Orton being sent into the announcers’ table before being thrown inside. Umaga comes in to miss a sitdown splash on Michaels, allowing HHH to grab a surprisingly effective DDT. HHH gets knocked outside though and we take a break. Back with Umaga missing a charge in the corner, allowing the tag off to Orton. That’s fine with HHH, who drops Orton almost immediately.

Michaels comes back in for the usual comeback, including the forearm and top rope elbow. Umaga isn’t having that and runs Shawn over, allowing Orton to bring Umaga in for real. Some right hands keep Shawn down in the corner and it’s back to Orton for a dropkick. The circle stomp sets up the running Umaga splash and we’re off to the nerve hold.

The middle rope headbutt misses and an enziguri to the shoulder (not sure that’s how that works) allows the hot tag back to HHH. Everything breaks down and Umaga saves Orton from the Pedigree with the Spike, setting up the running hip attack in the corner. The RKO is countered with a shove into Umaga though and Shawn comes in for a quick superkick to pin Orton.

Rating: C+. Much like the other tag match, they played the formula here and it still works, as everyone involved can do this style rather well. Shawn vs. Orton II should be a good showdown at Survivor Series, while Umaga vs. HHH at least has the team format to keep things a little more fresh. The DX reunion was good for a night, but I don’t need to see it again going forward.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not sure what this show was but it didn’t exactly work. Maybe it is due to Survivor Series coming up so soon, but this felt like a weird side trip rather than a show designed to help set up the pay per view. There were so many short matches that didn’t add much and it was a weird night all around. The DX reunion was fun but the Austin cameo fell pretty flat, leaving this as a not very appealing two hours. Much more strange than good this week and that isn’t a positive thing.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw – October 29, 2007: Reboot The Computre

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 29, 2007
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Cyber Sunday and on the way to Survivor Series, which means things can get a bit more back to normal around here. The big Raw story was that Randy Orton retained the WWE Title over Shawn Michaels after getting himself disqualified, which means we are probably heading for a rematch. Let’s get to it.

Here is Cyber Sunday if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Divas Battle Royal

Victoria, Kelly Kelly, Maria, Mickie James, Torrie Wilson, Kelly Kelly, Brooke, Melina, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool

Most of the entrances are edited off of Peacock (music I’m assuming) and they’re all in Halloween costumes here. Layla (cop) is eliminated first as Victoria rolls wild in her sumo (read as fat) suit. The bottom rope Banzai drop crushes Brooke (jungle girl) to get rid of her and Michelle tosses Jillian (Brittney Spears), only to have Melina eliminate Michelle (Eve).

Melina (showgirl) and Mickie (Native American warrior princess) go to the apron with Melina eliminating both of them at once. Torrie Wilson uses her football helmet to run Victoria over as JR tries to find out if Victoria is in her suit alone. Kelly (gangsta) dumps out both Torrie (Philadelphia Eagle) and Victoria for the win.

Rating: D. What were you really expecting here? There was no reason for the match to take place other than to have the women out there in their outfits, which we had seen the night before at the pay per view. Kelly winning is a bit of a surprise, but she is the kind of woman that WWE would love to push to the moon if she can do anything in the ring at the moment.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to lay Kelly out.

We look at Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels from last night.

Here is Shawn Michaels for a chat. Shawn is thankful to everyone who voted for him last night but he didn’t win the WWE Title. He has heard a lot of people talking about their grapefruits, but HBShizzle is going to be honest with you: you have to have pinpoint accuracy to hit his. What maters is that he won the match though, and now he his getting a rematch. He wants it tonight, but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt.

McMahon knows that people want to see him be the champion again and Vince seems to like the idea too. He knows what Shawn really wants is revenge though because, despite that Bible reading, Shawn is a rotten man. Shawn admits that he spent four years wanting revenge, which he swore he would never do when he went home in 2002.

Now he wants to hurt Randy Orton and take him out, so does he have his rematch or not? Vince says Survivor Series is an appropriate name, and says the match is on without saying what he means. Then Shawn teases a superkick to Vince, who falls down in fear. Kind of an odd segment but more to come I’m sure.

You can vote for the Diva Search winners!

Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Holly and Shelton start things off with Benjamin taking him down for some shots to the head. It’s off to Haas, who gets chopped rather loudly before the villains take over again without much trouble. Holly gets in another shot though and the hot tag brings in Cody, who comes in off the top with a clothesline. Cody blocks Haas’ DDT and hits one of his own for the fast pin. Holly still doesn’t seem convinced.

Candice Michelle has broken her collar bone in a horrific injury. It is so bad that we look at it again just so you don’t forget about the whole thing.

Beth Phoenix cuts off Todd Grisham and says she has no regrets over what she did to Candice Michelle last week. Then this week, the Divas were out there in their costumes because no one takes this stuff seriously. Candice can go back in Wisconsin, knowing that she was destroyed by the Glamazon.

Trevor Murdoch is reading the 500th issue of WWE Magazine when Mickie James comes up. She thanks him for not letting Lance Cade clothesline her last week, but Murdoch doesn’t like seeing an innocent girl get hurt. Mickie: “I’m not that innocent.” Cade comes up and, after Mickie leaves, gets on Murdoch for not having his head in the game.

William Regal is in Vince McMahon’s office and recaps Vince’s issues with HHH and Shawn Michaels. Vince says his issues with HHH is personal, which brings him to Hornswoggle. Regal brings Hornswoggle in and leaves Vince to talk about how he hasn’t been around Hornswoggle enough. Tonight, Hornswoggle has to face Coach and Vince wants the family honor upheld. Hornswoggle needs to learn how to deal with victory, because it is his family’s birthright. If he is a McMahon, he needs to start to hate and he needs to start tonight. Hornswoggle starts grunting and shouts as he runs off.

SAVE US!

Hornswoggle vs. Jonathan Coachman

Hold on though as we need a guest referee, which brings out Mick Foley. Coach charges but Foley gets in his way, allowing Hornswoggle to run around a bit. Hornswoggle goes to the leg but Coach grabs him by the beard. That’s broken up as well and Hornswoggle knocks him down, only to miss the bottom rope elbow. Coach hits Foley out of frustration and grabs a chair, only to have Foley knock him down. Hornswoggle has his own Mr. Socko and grabs Coach between the leg, allowing Foley to add a clothesline. The Tadpole Splash finishes for Hornswoggle.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t good but at the end of the day, what are you expecting here? They played up the comedy and had Foley here to even things up a bit. You don’t need to do anything beyond the obvious here and it was perfectly fine, even if the match was barely there aside from the comedy stuff.

HHH, in a rather hideous shirt, is almost depressed by Todd Grisham’s pep talk before the handicap match against Umaga and Randy Orton tonight. The odds are against him but he has an ace up his sleeve, so if he goes down, they’re coming with him. They’re two of the worst in the game, but he is the Game.

Lance Cade vs. Paul London

Trevor Murdoch and Brian Kendrick are here too. London hits a quick crossbody for two but gets caught in a belly to back suplex. Cade sends him to the apron, with London coming back in with a springboard crossbody. A Murdoch distraction lets Cade hit his sitout spinebuster for the fast pin.

Post match the Highlanders come in and beat down London and Kendrick before glaring at Cade and Murdoch.

Jeff Hardy/DH Smith vs. Carlito/Mr. Kennedy

Smith is being thrown into the deep pretty quickly. Hardy and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy grabbing a headlock. That earns him a heck of a clothesline but Kennedy pulls Hardy into the corner so Carlito can come in. Some shoulders to the ribs don’t do much for Carlito as Hardy kicks him down and grabs his leg trap cradle for two. Smith comes in and gets chopped in the corner, only to come back with a clothesline to send Carlito outside. Kennedy joins him thanks to Hardy and the good guys pose as we take a break.

Back with Smith fighting out of an Indian Deathlock but getting pulled back into the corner so Kennedy can stay on the leg. Kennedy draws in Hardy to get in a few more leg shots because he knows how to villain. Smith manages an enziguri though and the hot tag brings Hardy in to start cleaning house. The Whisper in the Wind gets two on Carlito with Kennedy having to make the save. Smith drops Kennedy though and it’s the Twist of Fate into the Swanton to finish Carlito.

Rating: C. Pretty basic tag formula here but they have thrown Smith straight into the middle of the midcard and he hasn’t looked bad so far. Granted I don’t know how far you’re going to go with the name DH Smith but playing into the British Bulldog relation and then giving him some wins is a good way to start. Now do something with it, as you can always use some fresh blood.

Here is Santino Marella for a chat. He wants to make a formal complaint to the WWE travel department, who screwed up and prevented him from showing up and giving Steve Austin a piece of his mind. At least his in-flight movie wasn’t the Condemned! Cue Steve Austin…..’s music, as Marella pops up on screen doing an Austin impression and offering to beat up Marella with a can of the a** whip.

Cue Maria to say that Austin (originally described as “he”, prompting Santino to tell her to not use pronouns) is going to be here next week (which receives NO reaction in an odd moment). Marella accuses her of being on internet chat sites again, because the only place you’ll see Austin is on the cover of the Condemned in the discount bin at the gas station.

Here are the Diva Search finalists. Eve wins and is rather happy. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have this on a show about how the viewers had control?

SAVE US, now with “19_LAUNCH” and “BREAK THE CODE” visible.

Randy Orton/Umaga vs. HHH

Non-title. HHH and Umaga start things off but an Orton distraction means HHH has to split his time. A jumping clothesline drops Umaga but he’s right back with some right hands in the corner. Umaga hits the Samoan drop on HHH and the double teaming is on….so here is Shawn Michaels for the DQ and the save.

HHH and Shawn clean house, likely setting up a tag match next week.

We cut to Vince McMahon and William Regal in the back, with Vince saying DX is back next week for one night only.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a lame way to come off a pretty good pay per view, though Survivor Series in just a few weeks should be an upgrade. There wasn’t much to see on the show, as they didn’t have anything noteworthy in the ring and McMahon going after HHH feels a bit tired. Next week looks stacked though so maybe this is just a bad one off week. At least I hope it is.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – October 22, 2007: The Voting Drive

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 22, 2007
Location: Qwest Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Cyber Sunday and…well to be fair I’ve missed a few weeks so I have almost no idea what is going on at the moment. The big story on the Raw side is Randy Orton defending the Raw World Title against Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy or Mr. Kennedy. Odds are this week is going to be about moving us closer to the inevitable so. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Mr. Kennedy is in the ring to get things going. He knows there is a decision for the fans to make about this Sunday so let’s look at the candidates. First up, you have Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy, who is like Hilary Clinton. They have the blond hair and the famous last name, but just like Clinton, Hardy won’t be able to get the job done because he has no testicular fortitude. Then you have Shawn Michaels, who is like Rudy Giuliani. They both talk well and have a resume, but they both live in the past.

What has Shawn done for him lately? Whatever it is, it is nowhere near as impressive as what Kennedy has done. Kennedy lists off everything he has done in the last year or so and kind of quotes John F. Kennedy, asking what you can do for him. Cue Jeff Hardy in the crowd though, where he has found out that Kennedy’s approval rating sucks. Kennedy says Hardy doesn’t want to get into this with him, but the fans seem to think otherwise.

Hardy lists off Kennedy’s failures, which would include failing at Cyber Sunday too. Kennedy goes to leave but Hardy gets the vote to go beat him up right now. The fight is on but Randy Orton runs in as well, meaning the villains can take Jeff down. Shawn Michaels runs in and we probably have a tag match later tonight. Orton and Shawn fight off, leaving Jeff to clear Kennedy out.

Mickie James/Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Melina

London headlock takeovers Cade down to start before going to an armbar. Mickie and Melina come in for a double hair takedown so it’s quickly off to Kendrick to slug away on Murdoch. Cade drops Murdoch down into a legdrop on Kendrick but a kick to the head allows the hot tag to London. Everything breaks down and Cade clotheslines Murdoch by mistake. London adds a running shooting star press for the pin.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the time to get very far but I can always go with tying two feuds together into one match. If nothing else, it was an excuse to have Melina vs. Mickie without actually having the two in a singles match, as Cade/Murdoch vs. London/Kendrick has kind of been done to death at this point. Way too short to be worth much though.

The Diva Search girls did an interrogation competition on the beach. Remember when wrestlers worked on this show?

Shawn Michaels comes in to see Jeff Hardy and talks about how much he needs to face Randy Orton at Cyber Sunday. Hardy suggests that the fans might want champion vs. champion though. Various threats seem to be made, even though they’re partners tonight.

Cody Rhodes is reading WWE Magazine when Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas come in to make fun of him for losing to Hardcore Holly. Rhodes says at least Holly looks good with blond hair, so Shelton is ready to face him tonight. Benjamin says after the match, he’ll dye Cody’s hair so he can be a thinner, less talented version of his old man. Haas: “Oh snap!”

Coach is with William Regal, who isn’t sure about making Coach vs. Hornswoggle. After some recapping, Regal does make the match, but Coach has a better idea: Hornswoggle vs. Umaga. Sure.

Cody Rhodes vs. Shelton Benjamin

Charlie Haas is here with Benjamin. Cody gets taken down to start with Benjamin going right after the leg. The comeback is cut off with a shinbreaker but Cody grabs a bulldog out of the corner for two. Haas’ distraction completely fails as Cody reverses a rollup into one of his own for the fast pin.

Post match the double teaming is on until Hardcore Holly runs in for the save. Holly seems a bit impressed.

Here is the debuting DH Smith, the son of the British Bulldog, who is dedicating his first match to his father.

DH Smith vs. Carlito

Carlito goes after the arm to start but gets taken down into a jackknife cover for two. An overhead belly to belly gives Smith one but Carlito is back with a springboard dropkick for two of his own. The double arm crank goes on before a springboard elbow drops Smith again. That doesn’t make much of a difference as Smith is back with a running powerslam for the pin.

Rating: C-. Another match that didn’t get much time, but in this case that isn’t a terrible thing. Smith got to go in, beat up Carlito, and get out before anyone could see anything wrong with him. That’s a nice way to debut, as Carlito still has a bit of value to him. Granted the name DH Smith isn’t going to do him any favors, but he was good enough here.

Candice Michelle and Beth Phoenix have a weird staredown, with Phoenix promising to make her get on her knees and worship. Michelle promises to get the title back.

We recap Hornswoggle blowing up Coach last week, complete with comedic sound effects.

Hornswoggle vs. Umaga

Hold on as Hornswoggle runs off, with HHH taking his place. The big brawl is on with referees having to break it up but not doing the best job. Eventually the two are separated, only to have HHH break through again. No match obviously.

Post break, Umaga is surrounded by agents and referees and yells a lot.

Todd Grisham is on the stage and introduces us to the three Diva Search finalists. Lena is eliminated, leaving us with Eve and Brooke. They both get thirty seconds to hype themselves up for next week’s finals, which involves shouting about Omaha a lot.

Randy Orton comes in to see Mr. Kennedy, who can be his partner tonight but no one is going to vote for him because bad guys don’t win. Kennedy agrees they can be partners but he might have to make a statement after the match. See you out there…..partner.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino, who doesn’t like not being mentioned in the 500th issue of WWE Magazine. MANTAUR is even mentioned….and we’re cut off by the SAVE US video. Santino thinks that might have been Steve Austin, who must be comfortable at home, watching himself in the Condemned. If Austin ever does show up, Santino will open a can of the a** whip. Simmons comes in and hammers away but Santino gets in a shot of his own for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Santino kicks him low for the DQ.

HHH doesn’t care what kind of a match he has with Umaga on Sunday because tonight, he saw doubt in Umaga’s eyes. On Sunday, he’ll see fear, because no matter how the voting goes, it’s time to play the game.

Women’s Title: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Phoenix is defending in a 2/3 falls match. They lock up to start until Beth sends her out to the apron. A hurricanrana gets Candice out of trouble but Beth grabs her by the throat and drops her down for the first fall. We take a break and come back with Beth putting on something like a Liontamer.

Candice slips out and the slugout is on, setting up a discus lariat for two. A spinwheel kick gets the same so Candice goes up, only to get knocked down…where she lands on her face. You can hear the crowd go quiet as Beth drags her out of the corner (which is a REALLY STUPID IDEA) and pins her (with the referee audibly telling Candice not to kick out) to retain. Not enough shown to rate due to the injury and the break but I can’t imagine this was going to be anything but Beth retaining. The injury looked horrible though and that is probably going to put Candice on the shelf for a long time.

Beth leaves and Candice gets treatment but can’t stay sitting up. A stretcher takes her out, due to what would wind up being a broken collarbone.

Jeff Hardy/Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy/Randy Orton

Shawn and Kennedy start things off with Shawn shrugging off some chops in the corner. It’s quickly off to Jeff to work on Kennedy’s arm, setting up a middle rope elbow to the back. The charge in the corner misses though and Orton comes in to pound away with some right hands. A clothesline gives Orton two but Hardy kicks Kennedy in the face and dives over for the tag. Some of the house is cleaned but Shawn gets taken into the wrong corner so Orton can take over again.

Kennedy comes back in and grabs the seated abdominal stretch for a little longer than you might have expected. Back to back backbreakers give Kennedy two and an elbow to the face gets the same. It’s back to Orton for the slow stomping and a knee to the back keeps Shawn down. Orton pulls him into a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Shawn fights up with an enziguri. The double tag brings in Hardy and Kennedy with the pace picking up. Everything breaks down and Shawn slingshots down onto Orton, leaving Hardy to Twist Kennedy’s fate. The Swanton gives Hardy the pin.

Rating: B-. This was a bit above average main event style tag match and that shouldn’t be a surprise. I don’t think there’s any secret to the fact that Shawn is getting the title shot on Sunday so the ending was little more than misdirection, but they had a good match on the way there. Kennedy just kind of exists to give Orton a partner, but they had worse options.

Post match Shawn superkicks Orton to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Cyber Sunday is such a weird show to build towards as WWE doesn’t really have matches to set up. Instead, you have a bunch of options to pick from, which makes for some odd final shows. The fact that this one included an injury and more Hornswoggle shenanigans and it wasn’t exactly a great way to get me into the pay per view.

 

 

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No Mercy 2007 (2022 Redo): One Of The Weird Ones

No Mercy 2007
Date: October 7, 2007
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

It’s time for a special show as John Cena is no longer the WWE Champion due to suffering an injury on Raw. Therefore we are guaranteed a new champion, though it is not clear how the title will be decided. Other than that, the Smackdown side features Batista defending the World Title against Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the story of Noah, including sending out a dove, which led to Noah and his family being shown mercy. That won’t be the case tonight, as we will have a new WWE Champion.

Here are Vince McMahon and William Regal with the WWE Title underneath a covering in the ring. McMahon recaps John Cena’s injury (the fans don’t seem crushed) and promises that we will see a WWE Title match right here tonight. Vince talks about giving the fans the power and what they want, which leads to a big Y2J chant. Vince: “I’m not going to give you that!” Instead, he gives us the new WWE Champion: Randy Orton!

We get a long celebration from Orton, who still has to defend the title tonight. Regal even lets him pick his own opponent (Fans: “Y2J!”), so Orton makes it clear that he will NOT be facing Cena tonight (the fans approve). Orton talks about all the people he has put on the shelf and says there is no one that comes close to him.

Cue HHH in his gear and the fans approve of this one. HHH issues the challenge but Orton says no, with HHH thinking that’s a good idea. Orton wouldn’t want his second World Title reign to be shorter than his first. The fans seem to want HHH to get the show, so he goads Vince about it a bit and asks if Orton is scared. HHH accuses Vince of being scared and having no guts, or perhaps even any grapefruits. That’s finally enough to get the match so let’s do it right now.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is defending and a Vince distraction lets him jump HHH at the bell. An elbow to the face sends Orton outside but HHH isn’t going to let him walk out. Back in and Orton gets to stomp away but HHH nails the running knee. Orton’s backbreaker gives him his own two and it’s time to hammer away on the mat as this is pretty basic offense so far.

The powerslam gives Orton two and we hit the chinlock. HHH fights up again and hits a heck of a running clothesline, followed by an even bigger superplex for two. The spinebuster gets two more and HHH throws him outside, only to get caught with the hanging DDT on the way back in.

The RKO is countered but so is the Pedigree, leaving them both needing a breather. Orton misses the knee drop so HHH grabs a Figure Four, sending Orton straight to the ropes. Back up and Orton sends him to the floor so HHH comes in off the top, only to get pulled back down. Orton misses a charge into the post though and HHH grabs a rollup to give him the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. Yeah it’s hot shotting the title change but this is a bit of a special circumstance. HHH winning the title is a nice feel good moment as he is the undisputed top good guy on the roster right now. Let the fans have their nice moment to get them over Cena, even if it means that Orton had the title for about twenty minutes. Good match too, as evil Orton vs. heroic HHH hadn’t been done very often at this point.

HHH celebrates for a pretty long time.

Orton runs into Vince McMahon backstage and the boss walks away without saying a word.

Jeff Hardy/Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

Bonus match, with Cade and Murdoch introducing Kennedy as their surprise partner. Cade and Kendrick start things off with Kendrick hitting a running crossbody. London comes in with a sunset flip for two and it’s off to Murdoch, who gets headlocked over almost immediately. Jeff uses London as Matt in Poetry in Motion but the sitout jawbreaker is shrugged off.

That lets Kennedy come in to stomp away but Jeff shrugs it off and hands it back to Kendrick. Cade gets forearmed and dropkicked, only to have Murdoch low bridge Kendrick to the floor. Murdoch gets dropped onto Kendrick for a legdrop and some knee drops make it worse. That lets Kennedy choke away in the corner and the cravate goes on. With that not getting him very far, it’s back to Cade, whose superplex attempt is cut off.

Instead, Kendrick comes back with a flying DDT and a VERY diving tag brings in Jeff to start cleaning house. The sitout gordbuster is dropped and Murdoch lands on his face but Hardy goes up for the Swanton anyway. Cade makes the save as everything breaks down, leaving Kennedy to hit the Green Bay Plunge to finish London.

Rating: C+. I can always go for the idea of throwing six people into one match and letting them do their thing like this. You can probably pencil in Kennedy as Hardy’s next Intercontinental Title challenger and that is the kind of place that would suit him well. Cade/Murdoch vs. London/Kendrick is a pairing that always works well enough so this was a fine use of pay per view time, especially for something unadvertised.

HHH and Batista admire their titles but HHH bumps into Vince McMahon. Vince doesn’t like to let his fans down, so HHH vs. Umaga is still on and the title is on the line.

ECW World Title: Big Daddy V vs. CM Punk

V, with Matt Striker, is challenging after winning a #1 contenders match against Tommy Dreamer, who was already the #1 contender. An early lockup goes badly for Punk as V shoves him outside. Back in and V mounts him for some shots to the face but Punk is back up with some kicks and forearms. V misses a charge into the corner though and Punk hits a missile dropkick, only to have Striker come in for the fast DQ.

Post match V destroys Punk with a Samoan drop and a bunch of elbow drops. V leaves and Punk has to be helped out of the ring as this will continue.

Long recap of MVP and Matt Hardy’s various sports contests over the last ten (egads) weeks.

And now, a pizza eating contest, as hosted by Taz and scored by Maria and Melina. After some long entrances, MVP complains about eating this many calories, like so many people from Chicago clearly are. Maria says she’s from Chicago, so is she fat? MVP says deep dish pizza doesn’t help your IQ, so he and Matt get into it over all of these competitions again. They finally sit down and have two minutes to eat the most slices, with the women keeping score. After two minutes, Matt somehow wins 2-0 and then vomits on MVP. This was longer than any match on the show so far.

We recap HHH vs. Umaga, which stems from HHH mocking Vince McMahon for being Hornswoggle’s father. Vince brought Umaga back and sent him after HHH, setting up this match. Thanks to HHH winning the title earlier tonight, it is now a title match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Umaga

HHH is defending and they go right to the slugout to start. A DDT has no effect on Umaga so HHH low bridges him out to the floor. HHH’s ram into the steps has no effect so HHH gets sent into them for some more impact. Back in and Umaga hits a superkick before sitting down on his chest. The middle rope headbutt misses though and HHH is back with the facebuster, again to no avail. The Samoan Spike is countered into a Pedigree attempt, which is countered as well.

HHH pops back up with a spinebuster but another Pedigree attempt is countered into the Samoan drop. They head outside with HHH being sent ribs first into the apron, followed by the bearhug inside. Even wild Samoans have psychology. Umaga’s swinging Rock Bottom gets two more and Umaga stays on the ribs. The running hip attack misses though and so does a charge into the post. That’s enough to set up the Pedigree to retain HHH’s title.

Rating: C+. This felt like the match before intermission at a house show as they ran through it rather quickly, which is understandable as it’s HHH’s second match of the night. Umaga wasn’t going to win the title and they weren’t going to give him a big win so soon after he was back from a major suspension, but he is fine as a dragon for HHH to slay.

SAVE US video.

We look at the Punjabi Prison.

Great Khali is meditating and Runjin Singh talks about the evil that Khali is channeling for this match.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

Finlay isn’t having this wristlock stuff to start and uppercuts Rey up against the ropes. A crossbody gets Rey out of trouble though and he hammers away in the corner to stagger Finlay for a change. Rey sends him outside but the baseball slid gets him caught in the ring skirt so the beating can be on again. Back in and Rey gets sent into the post, setting up the Fujiwara armbar.

A very hard clothesline takes Rey down again and Finlay grabs a hammerlock. Rey gets back up and sends him into the corner for the break, followed by another crossbody for another two. The springboard seated senton into a basement dropkick gets two but the 619 is cut off with another clothesline.

With the usual stuff not working, Finlay pulls off the turnbuckle pad. That’s a bit too obvious so Finlay grabs the Shillelagh, only to get hurricanranaed into the ropes. Finlay ducks the 619 (that’s a smart one) but Rey hits a top rope Fameasser instead, knocking Finlay off the apron straight onto the floor with a loud THUD. That looked horrible and the sound was even worse. It’s so bad that Finlay is out cold and the match is stopped as he is taken out on a stretcher.

Rating: C. There is always room for someone like Finlay against a fan favorite like Rey, though that ending is a rough thing to see. It’s always weird to rate a match that ends without a winner like this, but it was about what you would expect from these two. I could go with another from them when they get the chance to wrap it up properly.

Post match Finlay jumps off the stretcher and destroys Rey. That one got me so nicely done.

HHH is in the trainer’s room getting his ribs treated when Vince McMahon comes in. Vince guaranteed a new WWE Champion tonight and that is what we had. He guaranteed a WWE Title match and we did. The thing is, he also guaranteed a Last Man Standing match….so that is what HHH is getting, because Randy Orton has requested his automatic rematch. Vince: “If you can stand at all, champ.”

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Michelle is defending and gets powered straight into the corner to start. A rollup out of the corner gives Michelle two but Beth hits the running shoulder to the ribs to cut her off. Michelle dropkicks her way out of trouble and grabs a short armscissors of all things. That’s broken up as well and Michelle dives into a World’s Strongest Slam for two.

The cobra clutch of all things goes on but Michelle does her best Bret Hart and climbs the corner for the backflip for two, with Beth not letting go as she kicks out. Candice drives her into the corner for the break and there’s a spinwheel kick. A high crossbody gives Candice two more and so does a sunset flip out of the corner. Beth has had it and hits a backbreaker into the fisherman’s DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. This was one of the flatter pay per view matches I can remember in a while as it just came and went. Candice losing the title is the right call, as there comes a point where her surviving against a monster like Phoenix is too much to accept. Phoenix is a different breed and should be a big thing in the division for a long time to come.

Post match Beth says this is the ushering in of the era of the Glamazon.

The Punjabi Prison is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Great Khali for the Smackdown World Title. Batista won the title from Khali at Unforgiven in a triple threat and now it is time for the big showdown rematch. It’s basically “can Batista slay the monster” with some bells and whistles.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali

Batista is defending inside the Punjabi Prison. There is a bamboo cage around the ring and then a much bigger one outside the ring. The inner cage has four doors that you have to call to be opened, which will have it opened for sixty seconds. After that, it stays closed permanently. You have to get out of the inner cage and then get over the bigger one to win. In other words, it’s more complicated than it needs to be and kind of hard to see through the big bars too, which is why it was only used a few times ever.

Khali goes after him with the chops to start but Batista knocks him back in the ropes to tie up the giant’s arms. JBL points out that Batista should be calling for a door but instead he charges into a boot like a moron as Khali gets his arms out. The big chop knocks Batista silly so Khali has a door opened. Batista makes the save though and the first door is officially closed for the rest of the match.

Some elbows in the corner have Batista in trouble but he comes back with a spear. The second door is open but Khali cuts him off this time and chokes against the cage until the door is officially closed. Khali pulls a strap off the cage and whips Batista down before calling for the third door to be opened. Batista cuts him off with a spinebuster though and crawls for the door, only to have Khali pull him back, meaning the door is officially closed.

That doesn’t work for Batista, who uses the same strap to beat on Khali but gets knocked down again with a single shot. The vice grip goes on so Khali calls for the last door to be open. Batista is back with a low blow to drop Khali, who is up in time to slam the door onto Batista’s back. The fourth door is officially closed so they have to go over the top to get out of the first cage.

Batista starts to go up but Khali pulls him back down for a crash. Khali manages to climb over the top of the first cage (that is some strong bamboo, mainly because it is supported by steel, because steel supported bamboo is a thing) to the floor. Batista is climbing up the inner structure and gets to the top as Khali gets to the top of the outer structure. In a pretty impressive move, Batista jumps from the inner cage to the outer and then beats Khali over the top and to the floor to retain.

Rating: D+. This could have been worse, but the problem is pretty obvious: this whole concept is so big and more complicated than it needs to be that it isn’t even fun. Also, I’m not sure how much of a signature match it can be for Khali when he hasn’t actually been in one of them before this. The ending was cool though as it felt like something out of the end of a movie and showed Batista was smart, which he has been before. Not a good match, but a clever ending.

Long recap of the WWE Title situation.

HHH is ready to fight one more time.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH, with bad ribs, is defending in a Last Man Standing match. They stare at each other to start until Orton gets smart by going after the bad (and untaped) ribs. More shots to the ribs sent HHH outside, where his quick Pedigree attempt is countered with a legsweep to send the ribs into the ramp.

Back in and more shots to the ribs set up a belly to back drop onto the barricade for a six count. A whip into the steps gets six more so they head back inside. HHH manages a much needed facebuster for a breather but Orton’s backbreaker puts him down for eight more. That just has Orton frustrated so he grabs a TV cord and chokes HHH into some nasty spitting.

HHH gets up at nine so the annoyed Orton sends him outside. The ECW announcers’ table (with Joey and Tazz still there after their minute and thirty seven second match earlier) is loaded up and a monitor to the head rocks HHH. The RKO through the table is shoved off though and Orton crashes through the table hard. Orton is up at nine as well so HHH hits a spinebuster on the floor for another nine.

Some steps to the head get another nine count and they roll back inside. Orton manages a DDT onto a chair to stun HHH though and the RKO onto the open chair leave a bloody HHH down. The ropes get HHH back up and he throws in the crotch chop before falling to the mat again. Orton’s Punt is blocked though and HHH makes the fired up comeback by taking Orton outside and sending him into various objects.

Orton cuts him off though and a catapult sends HHH head first into the post for another near fall. The steps are picked up but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. That leaves Orton’s heads in the steps and it’s a chair shot to crush him again. Orton gets up again and the Pedigree is loaded up, only to have him counter into the RKO onto the table for the ten count and the title.

Rating: B. They picked it up in the end but this was a lot of standing around waiting after someone does something big. In other words, it’s a Last Man Standing match but it’s a Last Man Standing match without a reason for these two to hate each other. I do like that they gave us the kind of match they advertised, but it was a weird position to be in after the Cena vs. Orton feud got so personal and HHH was just a last minute substitute.

Overall Rating: B-. This is one of the weirder shows that WWE has ever presented and I’m not really sure what to think of it. The wrestling is mostly good, save for the Punjabi Prison mess, but it felt like a better version of a Russo era Raw with the three title matches in one night. They were in a tough spot here though and they did a pretty good job so well done with this, though it’s a pretty weird one.

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – October 1, 2007: That’s Going To Be A Problem

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2007
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and the show is mostly together. The big story continues to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Title, but we also seem to have the issues between Vince McMahon and HHH. The latter of those feuds comes to a head tonight as the two of them are facing off. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Vince McMahon to get things going, with three not so high level looking wrestlers in the ring with him. Vince hypes up his main event with HHH and promises to win. We see a clip of Vince beating up HHH in various ways before Vince turns his attention to the three guys in the ring. Each one represents a different fighting style, starting with a four time All American amateur wrestler, followed by a fifth degree kempo karate black belt and finally, the Ohio sumo champion (no one seems convinced).

Vince offers to face all of them, only to have someone else do it as a preview for what is going to happen to HHH at No Mercy. Cue the returning Umaga to destroy all three of them, with Vince looking rather pleased. Umaga beats them up even more for a bonus and Vince’s happiness rises.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Shelton Benjamin/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London hurricanranas Murdoch down to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That means a gutbuster from Cade to take over, with Murdoch coming back in for a splash. A dropkick gets Kendrick out of trouble though and it’s Hardy coming in to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and the Whisper in the Wind hits Cade but Hardy gets crotched on top. London hits a very out of nowhere dive and throws Murdoch back inside for Sliced Bread from Kendrick. Hardy drops the Swanton for the pin on Cade.

Rating: C+. It was a short match but they packed a lot into there, which is more than I would have expected. Hardy, London and Kendrick seem like three guys who would work well together as the high flying trio while the other three…well they’re feuding with the good guys so it makes sense to have them here. I’m not sure how much more you can get out of Benjamin vs. Hardy though, as Hardy needs some fresh competition.

Vince McMahon comes in to see William Regal and welcomes him back before praising Regal for making Mr. Kennedy vs. John Cena for tonight’s main event. He also asks Regal for a personal favor: take care of Hornswoggle tonight. Regal reluctantly agrees as Hornswoggle pops up. Vince leaves….and Regal has already lost Hornswoggle.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and we see him Punting John Cena’s father a few weeks ago and then hitting him with an RKO two weeks ago. Orton promises to leave Cena laying the same way at No Mercy.

Some Cleveland Indians are here. That was a good year for the team so we’ll call that an upgrade.

The Diva Search girls ran an obstacle course on the beach.

William Regal goes looking for Hornswoggle and runs into the Highlanders. They haven’t seen Hornswoggle, but Regal wants to know why they turned down a match with Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Rory explains that it’s because they only want a Tag Team Title shot, which leaves Regal continuing his Hornswoggle search.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

Rematch from last week when the returning Holly beat Rhodes without much trouble. Rhodes starts fast but gets shouldered down. Back up and Rhodes grabs an armbar but gets dropkicked for two. A small package gives Rhodes two so he tries to jump over Holly in the corner, earning himself an Alabama Slam for the fast pin.

Here is Beth Phoenix for a chat and she would like Lilian Garcia to stay in the ring with her. Beth promises to win the Women’s Title on Sunday and wants Lilian to practice announcing her as the winner tonight. Lilian does, but throws in a caveat about how Phoenix has to actually win on Sunday. Phoenix literally goes for her throat but Candice Michelle runs in for the save.

SAVE_US video, now with some fresh codes, including things such as “Tron image”, “GRAND_SLAM” and “8.2.11/SAVIOR_SELF”, the latter of which is featured several times.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Before the match, Vince shows us a clip of HHH attacking Umaga with a chair and the sledgehammer last week to send him into a steroid suspension. HHH comes out but Vince cuts off his entrance pre-corner pose and says let’s go. Hold on though as there is no referee, so here is Carlito to be the guest referee.

Carlito does the weapons check, allowing Vince to slap HHH in the face. The bell rings and Vince immediately hides in the ropes, with Carlito covering him up. Vince bails to the floor so the chase is on, with HHH finally going around the other side to catch Vince on the floor. The Pedigree is broken up with a Backstabber so HHH hits Carlito low, which is enough for the DQ.

Post match HHH stays on Vince but here is Umaga for the fight. HHH hits a DDT, which has the expected results. A superkick sends HHH into the corner and there’s the running hip attack. Umaga stops to yell at Carlito so HHH pulls out the sledgehammer to scare Umaga off.

And now Marella At The Movies, featuring Santino Marella and Maria, though she doesn’t seem thrilled to be here. This week they are going to review The Condemned, which Maria thought was fun. Marella says it was fun if you like having your head bashed in with a mallet. He should have been the star, meaning it’s time for a clip with Santino included.

Cue Val Venis to interrupt (this seems to get Maria’s attention), but Santino doesn’t think much of Venis’ acting. He couldn’t believe what Venis did to that donkey in the Shrek based film. Venis offers Maria a spot in his next movie and the beatdown is on with Venis’ leg getting destroyed. I continue to be astounded that Venis is still employed.

John Cena doesn’t think much of the idea that THEY are saying he is going to lose to Randy Orton. It is time to talk about THEY, who know that Cena is losing and that he has changed and that Todd Grisham has naked pictures of Umaga on his phone. At No Mercy, Orton can hit him with everything from a bell to a microphone to a snow cone to a student loan but Cena will keep getting up every time. You put anyone in front of him and he will always get up and never quit, so let them talk. He’s going to beat Orton so bad that THEY are never going to forget it.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina wins a battle over the lockup to start and they go to the mat with Melina kicking away. Mickie fights up and hits some hard forearms but Melina kicks her in the head for two. The screaming reverse DDT is loaded up but Hornswoggle pops up from under the ring for a distraction. The freaked out Melina gets rolled up for the pin.

Post match Hornswoggle chases Melina underneath the ring and comes out with Melina’s clothes. Hornswoggle runs off, leaving Melina screaming. This was bad back then and it doesn’t hold up well here.

Post break, William Regal yells at Hornswoggle over what happened but Steve-O (from Jackass, and starring in a new upcoming USA series), comes in. Steve-O is here to find a wuss (point of his show), and the distraction lets Hornswoggle leave.

No Mercy rundown.

Steve-O comes in to see Ron Simmons, suggesting that he can make Simmons be less of a wuss. Simmons literally throws him out and hits the catchphrase.

John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy

Non-title. Before the match, Kennedy talks about how he is going to make a statement by beating Cena. Kennedy grabs a headlock to start and then shoulders him down but Cena is back up with a hiptoss. The armbar goes on but Kennedy gets up, only to get driven into the corner. Kennedy fights out of the corner and punches Cena down before taking him outside for a whip into the steps. We take a break and come back with Kennedy grabbing a chinlock to keep Cena in trouble. Cena fights up and grabs a suplex, setting p the STFU for the very fast tap.

Rating: C. The ending was very quick and there is a reason for that. Cena tore his pectoral muscle when he gave Kennedy the hiptoss, making this a one on one match. There is only so much that can be done when you’re wrestling with one arm and while Cena did what he could, the match wasn’t very good as a result. Kennedy carried it as well as he could, even with the very sudden finish.

Post match Randy Orton runs in, apparently guilty of satellite fraud, and lays out Cena. The steps to the face set up an RKO onto the announcers’ table, with Orton counting to ten as Cena is out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show was the big final push towards no Mercy and it only went so well. The biggest problem is that Orton vs. Cena has been set up for several weeks now and there is only so much that they can get out of one more week of building. The HHH vs. Umaga match had to get a last second build and that worked fine, as the match was already set up a month ago. The rest of the show was only ok, though the Cena situation is going to cause some problems.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – September 24, 2007: Clever, Yet Creepy

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2007
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to No Mercy and the main event of John Cena defending the WWE Title against Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match. That alone should be enough to carry the Raw side of the show but there is still time to fill in on the card. Maybe we can fill in some more of that this week, along with more Hornswoggle shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Coach is in the ring, with security guards around him, and we see a recap of the recant issues between John Cena and Randy Orton. This includes last week, with Orton attacking John Cena’s father to end the show. As a result, Coach has suspended Orton indefinitely, but Coach isn’t going to let Cena take his rage out on everyone else. Coach brings out Vince McMahon, who talks about how everyone needs to show respect.

This includes HHH, who tried to embarrass him last week with a bunch of leprechaun jokes. Tonight, Vince is going to get that revenge as HHH faces Carlito inside a cage. Actually we’ll make it even bigger, as Vince himself will be Carlito’s partner. With that out of the way, Vince invites Hornswoggle to join them in the ring. Vince didn’t mean a bunch of the things he said last week and hopes that Hornswoggle loves him instead of wanting his money. Hornswoggle says he loves Vince and they share a big hug. Things seem to be going well and Vince even has a woman who would like to meet him.

Cue Melina in a green dress to say Hornswoggle (who is looking very nervous) is very cute. She asks “Horny” if he would like to get to know her so Hornswoggle jumps on her. Vince tells them to go have a beer and a good night (Vince: “Always use protection.”). With the two of them gone, Coach asks Vince if he can keep being General Manager when William Regal comes back next week but here is a ticked off John Cena to interrupt. Security comes in so Cena goes after Vince and Coach, with the bosses escaping. Vince says Cena’s title reign is in Coach’s hands.

Hardcore Holly vs. Cody Rhodes

This is Holly’s return after several months away. Before the match, Holly says Cody sounds like he belongs in a boy band instead of in a ring. Holly knocks him down without much trouble to start but Cody says hit him in the face. A sunset flip gives Cody two but Holly chops him in the corner. Cody snaps off a Russian legsweep for two and a dropkick keeps him in trouble. Something off the top rope misses though and the Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: C-. Short and to the point here as Holly beat Rhodes up without much effort, but Rhodes was trying as always. Holly’s return was treated as a big deal and I could see him going a little somewhere in the midcard. Rhodes losing is a bit weird after he had been on a winning streak, but at least it feels like he has a bit more experience now and isn’t just skating on his family history.

Post match, Holly shakes his head down at Rhodes.

We recap the John Cena/Coach situation.

Randy Orton joins us via satellite and calls Cena a phony. Cena knew he was in trouble at Unforgiven so he got himself disqualified. Maybe Cena’s dad just lives off of Cena, but Orton is a professional wrestler. Last week Orton took out Cena’s dad and now he’s going to be ready to take the title from Cena in the Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons

Maria is here with Santino and we get the first mention of Teddy Long’s apparent heart attack on Smackdown. No update or anything, but it was mentioned. Simmons hammers him in the face to start so Santino bails out to the floor. The chase lets Santino catch him on the way back in and stomp away, setting up a reverse chinlock. Simmons fights up but the threat of a powerslam sends Marella bailing to the floor again, this time for the countout.

Rating: D. This was about what you would expect as neither of them was exactly on fire here. Simmons was long retired at this point and did little more than punch in between Marella’s running away. That’s about what the match should have been, and it would have been hard to accept the idea of Santino beating Simmons, even at this age.

Post match, Simmons hits the catchphrase.

The Diva Search girls had a limbo contest. Next week: the obstacle course.

Jillian Hall comes up to Melina in the back and asks where Hornswoggle is. Melina seems ok with going on a date with him before revealing that she’s only doing this for a shot at the Women’s Title. She’s off to take a shower.

The Highlanders ask Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for a Tag Team Title shot with any stipulation the champs want. Then they pull up their kilts, much to the champions’ disgust.

The cage is lowered.

Carlito/Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Inside a cage. HHH punches Carlito down and pulls Vince off the cage wall. More right hands drop Carlito again and Vince gets pulled back through the door as well. HHH crotches Vince on top so Carlito hits HHH low and sends him into the cage. We take a break and come back with HHH throwing Carlito at Vince to drive him into the cage. Carlito has to save Vince from a Pedigree with a Backstabber so Vince goes up. HHH cuts off Carlito but Vince is able to escape for the win.

Rating: D+. They didn’t exactly burn the house down here as this was much more about giving us something to keep Vince vs. HHH going. Vince was added to the match out of nowhere, though that might be due to WWE realizing that Carlito vs. HHH isn’t exactly interesting. The match was nothing to see, though they didn’t stay on it for very long.

Post match Vince leaves but Carlito is left alone with HHH. Some rams into the cage set up a spinebuster and the Pedigree onto the chair leaves Carlito laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title, joined in progress and with the Highlanders at ringside. Cade hits a backbreaker on London so Murdoch can come in with an ax handle. The abdominal stretch doesn’t last long as London gets over to Kendrick. House is cleaned and a quick Sliced Bread….draws in the Highlanders to jump Kendrick for the DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on as London and Kendrick are left laying.

Hornswoggle spies on Melina in the shower, then chases her around backstage and steals her towel. This freaks Melina out, but she didn’t seem to mind showering in front of a camera.

Ad for the Condemned, complete with Santino Marella saying he isn’t impressed with Steve Austin’s acting.

HHH comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and challenges him to a one on one match. Vince: “You’re on.” HHH: “And you’re screwed.”

Jeff Hardy/Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix/Shelton Benjamin

Milwaukee is the hometown girl. Benjamin takes Hardy into the corner to start but some shots to the face stagger Benjamin for a change. A mule kick sends Benjamin outside and Candice takes out Beth, leaving Hardy to hit a big dive to the floor. We take a break and come back with Beth working on a seated full nelson but Candice fights up (to a heck of a reaction).

The hot tag brings in Hardy for a Whisper in the Wind (with Lawler having to correct JR on the name). Benjamin powerbombs him down though and we hit a chinlock with a knee in Hardy’s back. A backbreaker gives Benjamin two but Hardy is back up with a crossbody. It’s back to the women, with a jawbreaker sending Beth into the corner. Candice plays Jeff in Poetry in Motion but Beth is back up with the fisherman’s buster for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well so much for the crowd being happy. It should set up a title rematch between Candice and Beth, which almost has to wrap up Candice’s title reign once and for all. The match was short enough and to the point, though Hardy and Benjamin were little more than extra players for the women’s stuff.

Coach has a press conference, suggesting that John Cena is about to be stripped of the title. Also, Randy Orton has been suspended for twenty four hours, because anyone could do what Orton did to Cena’s dad.

And now, for something new: a blue Matrix style video, with the words SAVE_US.222 popping up. Commentary doesn’t reference it, as I’m sure this won’t mean anything.

Coach is in the ring with security around him and a bunch of photographers on the floor. He orders Cena out here and after a bit, here is Cena, wearing the title for a change. Coach brings up Cena’s dad getting beaten up last week and now he wants Cena to BEG to keep his title. Cena’s shirt comes off and Coach’s jacket does too, with Coach issuing threats from the security. Hold on though as the bell rings and Lilian Garcia has a ruling from Mr. McMahon: Cena is still champion and will get to face Coach in a tables match RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title and Cena punches him down, grabs the STFU, and hits the FU through a table for the fast win.

Post match Hornswoggle comes out on the stage. Cena: “Thank you Mr. McMahon.” Ok that was clever.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as other than a few nice moments, there was nothing to cheer. Hornsowggle’s bit at the end was good, but it’s the same one who spied on Melina in the shower and then chased her around the arena. Other than that, there was some lame wrestling and little more than another week of filler on the way to another Orton vs. Cena title match. Not a good show, but maybe the returning stars will help them next week.

 

 

 

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Unforgiven 2007 (2022 Redo): This Is A Show That Exists

Unforgiven 2007
Date: September 16, 2007
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

We’re in that weird period where we have a lot of Summerslam rematches and some of them are a bit more interesting than others. There are a few interesting possibilities though, as Undertaker is returning to face Mark Henry and Randy Orton is getting another WWE Title shot at a furious John Cena. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Undertaker returning, although this one is a bit more intense and detailed. This time Undertaker is shown in the middle of a desert standing on a mountain (or close enough). And nothing else is happening on the show apparently.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Punk is defending and we see a recap of him taking the title from John Morrison. Then Morrison got busted in the steroids scandal so here is Burke challenging instead. Burke getting a jobber’s entrance should tell you all you need to know about this one. They fight over a lockup to start with neither getting anywhere early on. Now it’s to the mat, where Burke has to bail to the ropes to escape a cross armbreaker.

Back up and Burke starts elbowing at the head, only to get kicked right back down. Kicks to the legs and back keep Burke in trouble but he pulls Punk down out of the corner to take over. We hit a double arm crank until Punk mule kicks his way to freedom. The running knee in the corner sets up the springboard clothesline for two so Burke bails outside. Punk tries to go after him but gets pulled down for a crash (and a loud thud).

Back in and a running forearm to Punk’s back gets two and we hit the Boston crab. A screaming Punk makes it over to the rope for the break so Burke rolls some German suplexes. An STO gives Burke two and it’s off to something like what Rhea Ripley would dub the Prism Trap (minus the swinging around). Punk slips out and hits an enziguri, only to get punched in the head for two. Burke slaps him in the face on the mat a few times, only to get rolled up for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. Points for the quick and surprise ending there as that’s a nice thing to see for a change. There was almost zero doubt about the winner here and that doesn’t make for the best result. Burke had to be reheated after his feud with Punk was over about a month and a half ago but what else were they going to be able to do here? The ECW roster is rather weak at the moment and with Morrison gone, this is about as good as they could have done.

We look at the saga of Matt Hardy vs. MVP, which eventually saw them being forced to team up. Then they won the Tag Team Titles, which they have to defend tonight.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

MVP/Hardy are defending and the challengers have Cherry with them. Matt and Domino look to start but MVP tags himself in to grab a wristlock instead. There’s a slam to put Domino in and MVP tags out via a slap to Matt’s chest. Hardy hits a neckbreaker on Deuce and brings MVP back in, allowing Deuce to take over in the corner.

MVP jumping bulldogs his way out of trouble and mocks Matt’s screaming elbow, allowing Deuce to get back up. Matt tags himself back in and teases his own Ballin. MVP snaps so Domino uses the distraction to come in and clean house. The chinlock doesn’t last long but an elbow to the face gives Deuce two. Something like a seated abdominal stretch goes on but he fights up and scores with the Side Effect.

That’s still not enough for the tag though as Domino knocks MVP off the apron and grabs another chinlock. MVP walks out, leaving Hardy to kick out of a suplex/high crossbody combination. Now MVP gets back on the apron as Matt hits a double clothesline. Another slap brings in MVP, who takes his time coming in to clean house. Ballin connects but Matt tags himself in and hits the Twist of Fate to retain instead.

Rating: C. This was much more about storytelling than the wrestling and in this case, that’s ok. The Matt/MVP story isn’t about the tag team stuff, which is little more than a way to keep things going until we get to the big showdown. The good side though is that the tag stuff has wound up being entertaining anyway so nothing has gotten boring yet. Totally fine match, but Deuce N Domino could have been anyone.

Matt celebrates with all three titles, just to rub it in to MVP.

Rey Mysterio acknowledges that he is not at 100% coming into tonight’s triple threat title match but he’s going to give it his all. He overcomes the odds and will do it again to win the title, just like he did last year.

HHH vs. Carlito

Only HHH can get disqualified. HHH elbows him to the floor to start and then punches away back inside. Carlito gets knocked outside again so let’s bring in a trashcan. Instead, HHH clotheslines him right back to the floor, this time following with a drive into the barricade. Back in and some elbows to the back keep Carlito in trouble, with a backbreaker making it worse. We hit the abdominal stretch as you don’t often get to see HHH picking someone apart like this.

HHH even grabs a rope, then switches to the hair when the referee goes to check. The hair finally gets him caught and the referee breaks it, earning himself some booing. They head outside again with Carlito being thrown over the announcers’ table but coming back with a bell shot to take over.

Back in and Carlito chokes away with a cable before switching to a different form of choking. The apple is loaded up but HHH Punches it out of his mouth. You don’t do that to Carlito, who pounds away with the trashcan for two more, leaving JR to wonder what kind of an apple Carlito had. A belly to back suplex onto the trashcan gets two so Carlito loads a fresh trashcan into the corner.

That takes way too long though and HHH hits a clothesline. There’s the jumping knee into the facebuster for two and HHH hammers away in the corner. Carlito finds some powder to blind HHH but a chair shot is countered into a spinebuster. The referee has to take a chair away from HHH, so it’s a low blow behind the referee’s back, setting up the Pedigree to give HHH the pin.

Rating: C+. This was about as good as you were going to get out of Carlito vs. HHH, as Carlito has never been anything resembling a threat at this level. Even stacking the deck against HHH didn’t make this a tough one, as HHH cut him apart and then won in the end. That being said, there is something fun about HHH beating Carlito down and then cheating ala Ric Flair to win in the end. Not a dramatic match, but it was fun.

Batista hits on Maria and then promises to win the World Title because the time for talking is over.

Video on Beth Phoenix wrecking everyone on her way to Candice Michelle and the Women’s Title.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Michelle is defending and grabs a headlock to start. Phoenix isn’t having that and lifts her into the air by the arm. A wristdrag takes Phoenix down but she knocks Candice into the corner without much effort. The double arm crank goes on as Phoenix doesn’t exactly seem to think much of Phoenix.

An over the shoulder backbreaker has Candice in more trouble but she slips out and forearms away. That earns her a hard drive into the corner though and a gorilla press gives Phoenix two. Another backbreaker is loaded up but Candice reverses into a crucifix for the fast pin to retain the title.

Rating: C-. They were trying here but it was a glorified squash until Candice stole a win to retain the title. The good thing is that it sets up a rematch and it is hard to imagine that Phoenix doesn’t pick up the title in the second match. Candice is absolutely trying though and the match was more boring than bad, which is a step up from some of the stereotypical Divas matches.

Great Khali is ready to crush people and retain the title. He even demonstrates the Vice Grip on a some melons, one of which has a Rey Mysterio match applied.

We recap Great Khali defending the Smackdown World Title against Rey Mysterio and Batista. Khali is the unstoppable monster and the odd friends are going to try and get the title off of him. It is probably time for a title change, but Khali retaining, just because of WWE’s love of monsters, wouldn’t be shocking either.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Great Khali

Khali is defending and has to fight off both of them at once. Rey is sent outside, leaving Batista to get stomped down in the corner. That’s broken up and Batista hits the shoulders to the ribs until Rey comes back in. More double teaming is teased but Rey rolls Batista up for a surprise two. A springboard seated senton drops Batista but Khali kicks Rey in the face.

Batista blocks the Vice Grip for a bit before Khali manages to get it on. Rey’s chair to the back breaks it up, earning himself a punch to the face. Batista is sent outside, leaving Khali to get stomped down in the corner. Rey manages to fight out of a nerve hold but gets kicked in the face. The Vice Grip is loaded up again but Batista makes the save and ties Khali in the ropes. Rey is right there with a quick 619 to Batista and another to Khali. Batista powerbombs Rey onto Khali though and the spinebuster is enough to finish Khali to give Batista the title back.

Rating: C. This was about as good as it was going to get as it was basically Batista and Rey taking their turns against Khali, who could only do so much. The good thing is they did what they could and it could have been a lot worse. Batista getting the title back is one of the better ideas, as he can keep it warm until they get on to the next thing while still feeling like a big deal in his own right.

Batista celebrates for a long time.

Long recap of Hornswoggle being revealed as Mr. McMahon’s son.

HHH congratulates Batista on winning the title but reminds him how hard it is to keep it.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

London and Kendrick are challenging. Kendrick and Cade start things off with Kendrick grabbing a hammerlock. A hiptoss gets Cade out of trouble and he puts on a headlock to slow Kendrick down. Murdoch comes in and gets armdragged into an armbar, allowing London to hit a top rope elbow to the arm. There’s a top rope stomp to the arm, setting up a slingshot kick to Murdoch’s face to give London two.

Everything breaks down for a bit and the champs are knocked outside, setting up stereo dives. Back in and Murdoch knocks Kendrick off the apron for a hard crash. That’s good for two back inside and Murdoch sends him into the corner to give Cade his own near fall. Something like a middle rope powerslam plants Kendrick for two more, with London having to make the save.

The neck crank goes on to keep Kendrick down until he slips out, as you might have guessed because it was a neck crank. Cade charges into a raised boot in the corner so Murdoch goes up, only to try an ax handle to a downed Kendrick. Since that move is only designed to have Kendrick raise his boots to knock Murdoch out of the air, he raises his boots to knock Murdoch out of the air.

The hot tag brings in London to clean house, including a springboard double stomp to Cade’s back. A standing shooting star press gives London two and Kendrick’s high crossbody gets the same. Murdoch kicks Kendrick in the face for two more as everything breaks down. Sliced Bread is countered and Cade’s sitout spinebuster finishes Kendrick to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. These teams work well together and they got to do it again here, which was nice to see on the bigger stage. Brawlers (or however you describe Cade/Murdoch) vs. fast high fliers will work every time and that was the case again here. The match might not have been a classic, but it was a fine way to use some pay per view time (and almost the most given to any match on the show).

We recap John Cena vs. Randy Orton for Cena’s Raw World Title. Cena retained the title at Summerslam so Orton Punted Cena’s dad in the head, sending Cena into a rage. And a rematch.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena is defending and his dad is in the front row. They stare each other down and then slug away in the middle of the ring with Cena getting the better of things (shocking). Orton gets sent hard into the corner and they head outside with Cena standing on his head. Cena’s dad continues to have the angriest glare on his face as Cena takes it back inside to keep up the beating.

Orton catches him with an uppercut for a breather and there’s the hanging DDT for two. A sleeper goes on but Orton reverts to form and switches it into a chinlock. Cena actually has to power out and starts hammering away in the corner, eventually shoving the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Well that was kind of lame, as this seemed to be more of a match to bridge us between the first match and the big blowoff instead of something that actually mattered. It wasn’t even eight minutes long and a good chunk of that was spent in a chinlock. Cena being angry and wanting to hurt Orton makes sense, but this felt like it should have been a run of the mill Raw main event rather than a pay per view title match.

Post match Cena goes after him again but gets his neck snapped across the top. Cena’s dad tries to make the save but gets beaten down again, drawing out Cena for the save. Cena grabs the STF so Cena’s dad can add a Punt of his own. That worked, even if the kick was kind of (understandably) terrible.

In the back, Coach yells at John Cena’s dad and makes Cena vs. Randy Orton III in a Last Man Standing match. Cena runs in to grab Coach by the lapels and say you don’t mess with family before throwing him down.

We recap Mark Henry vs. Undertaker. Henry attacked Henry and put him out of action a few months ago, meaning it is time for revenge. And pain.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Henry wants Undertaker out here, which triggers the big intro, complete with gong. The set even falls down to reveal Undertaker’s symbol, which catches on fire. Undertaker rises up and yeah this is going to hurt. Henry backs up from the staredown and Undertaker starts punching away at the bell. A charge is pulled out of the air though and Henry drives him into the corner.

Undertaker headbutts his way out of trouble but Old School is broken up. Instead it’s a superplex to bring Undertaker crashing back down but he doesn’t take kindly to being kicked in the face. A clothesline knocks Henry outside and Undertaker punches him up against the barricade. Undertaker stops to glare at the referee though, allowing Henry to hit what might have been a low blow.

Back in and a splash gives Henry two, followed by a second for two more. The third misses though, meaning it’s time for the slugout. Undertaker tries what looks to be a Downward Spiral but it gets countered into something like an STO (or Henry didn’t know how to take it). There’s another splash (ok we get the idea) but this time Undertaker sits up when Henry doesn’t cover.

Some charges in the corner set up Old School and the chokeslam drops Henry for another two. Henry cuts off a charge with a bearhug so Undertaker grabs him by the throat. That’s countered with a drive into the corner so Henry can rain down right hands. Since Henry has apparently not watched an Undertaker match in the last seven years or so, he earns the Last Ride out of the corner to give Undertaker the pin.

Rating: C+. I can go for Undertaker throwing people around and that Last Ride looked pretty awesome, as Henry pretty much crashed down from the ropes. Undertaker was going to win here, but it was about bringing him back and putting him straight into the main event scene again. Good enough power brawl, even if it wasn’t about the drama over the results.

Undertaker signals that he wants the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. It says a lot that it felt like nothing happened here despite the World Title changing hands. The wrestling was decent enough, though nothing is worth watching and some of the matches are forgettable just a little bit after the show ended. The show isn’t bad and there are some completely watchable parts, but it is the most skippable show I can remember in a very long time.

 

 

 

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Monday Night Raw – September 17, 2007 (2022 Redo): Adoption Issues

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 17, 2007
Location: Sommet Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the waste of time that was Unforgiven and now it is time to start getting ready for No Mercy. Last night’s show was so important that they have already announced the main event for next month’s pay per view. John Cena got disqualified against Randy Orton, so it’s time for a Last Man Standing match for Cena’s title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, with Cena snapping over Orton attacking Cena’s father.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to say he is sorry. Tonight he is better though and he feels FABULOUS. It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders because he lost to Randy Orton! Last night his dad had the guts to show up and make him the proudest son in the world. Orton is stupid enough to think this is over and want a rematch. Then there is Coach, who made it even worse for Orton by giving him a Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

That means no rules, no pinfalls and no disqualifications, so what he did last night is perfectly legal. At No Mercy, he is going through Orton like a hot knife through butter….but here is Coach to interrupt. Coach says that Cena should be glad he still has a job after last night, so tonight it’s payback time. Tonight it’s Orton vs. Cena, which works rather well for the champ. Hold on though, because Coach didn’t mean this Cena, but rather Cena’s dad, who can either have the match or have Cena stripped of the title.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Hardy is defending and gets caught in a northern lights suplex just after the bell. An atomic drop sets up the legdrop between the legs to put Benjamin down though and Hardy takes over. There’s an armdrag into an armbar and they fight over a top wristlock. A backdrop puts Benjamin on the apron and there’s a kick to the chest to put him outside. Hardy hits the required dive to take Benjamin down again and we take a break.

Back with Benjamin working on a neck crank (with the replay showing Hardy missing the Whisper in the Wind and getting kicked in the head) before pounding away in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Benjamin two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up as well and it’s a double clothesline for a double knockdown. Now the Whisper in the Wind can work but Benjamin grabs a backbreaker for two more. A reverse DDT gets the same so Benjamin puts him on top, only to get shoved down. The Swanton retains Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. You knew these two were going to be able to have a good match with each other due to pure talent and it was a completely fine TV title defense for Hardy. It’s a way to get Hardy back on track after he got squashed by Khali last week so this was about as fine of a way as he had to be back to normal again.

The Diva Search finalists play beach volleyball. I think you get the idea here. In case you didn’t, there is a limbo competition on WWE.com.

Coach joins an annoyed Vince McMahon in his limo to try and calm him down. Vince is annoyed about Hornswoggle….who is in the limo also, eating Lucky Charms and restrained by tape because he’s an infant. How we didn’t hear Hornswoggle until the camera was on him is not clear, but Coach takes him inside (biting ensues).

John Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling tonight but Cena’s dad insists on doing it.

Santino knocks on the Divas locker room door, looking for Maria, but finding Jillian Hall instead. Maria wanted to see the Condemned, even though Steve Austin’s performance was worse than Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards. Jillian: “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!” Santino wants to impress Maria so Jillian suggests a country duet together (Nashville and all). She starts a little Achy Breaky Heart and Santino agrees to save his ears. Don’t worry either, as he has another idea.

Vince McMahon is still yelling at Coach but they hear Irish music coming from Vince’s office. The office is now filled with green balloons and shamrocks, plus piles of Lucky Charms. Vince: “THIS IS ON YOU!” Hornswoggle pops up so Coach chases him off as a unicorn pops up to scare Vince.

Jim Duggan vs. Daivari

Flag match because reasons. Daivari goes for the flag to start but gets pulled back down. They take turns pulling the others to the mat until Daivari gets crotched on top. Duggan punches him down, then sends him into the post and pulls down the flag for the win.

Cody Rhodes volunteers to take John Cena’s dad’s place against Randy Orton but Coach turns him down. John Cena comes in and threatens Coach, who gives Cena a match tonight. If Cena wins, his dad is off the hook, but if not, the match is still on.

Here is Vince McMahon for a chat. As you might have seen last week, he has indeed fathered a son in Hornswoggle, who comes out doing a jig. Vince kneels down next to Hornswoggle and says that when he dies, Hornswoggle will get a lot of money. Hornswoggle: “Money money!” Vince has some papers with him tonight….because he is putting Hornswoggle up for adoption!

Cue a couple (Ed and Alice Koskey) with their attorney but Hornswoggle hugs Vince. That doesn’t sit well with the boss, so Hornswoggle pulls down Ed’s pants and bites the back of Alice’s dress. The Koskeys run off so Vince gets serious and tells him to get away from him. Vince throws him out and the fans are not happy with him. He insists that anyone here would have done the same thing but here is HHH to interrupt.

HHH takes credit for decorating Vince’s office earlier, which was difficult because it’s hard to find a unicorn around here. He knew Vince had slept with some trolls, but he didn’t know about elves, fairies and hobgoblins. Vince: “I’VE NEVER SLEPT WITH FAIRIES!” HHH: “That’s not what I read on the internet.” HHH thinks the Genetic Jackhammer had too much genetic Jack Daniels and now he’s a genetic jackass.

It isn’t surprising though, because he is short tempered, short sighted and a certain part of him is microscopic. Vince: “Are you finished?” HHH: “That’s the same thing Hornswoggle’s mom asked you the night you slipped her the shillelagh.” Just between them, did they do it on the Yellow Brick Road? Vince is livid, but one more question: was she magically delicious? Vince puts him in a match right now, which I believe had been mentioned earlier.

HHH vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title. Joined in progress with HHH clotheslining them down as Carlito comes out to watch. We settle down to Cade hitting a neckbreaker for two as we’ll be having tags in this one. Murdoch comes in and pounds away in the corner, setting up a Blockbuster for two. Cade grabs the neck crank before switching to a leg lariat for two. HHH fights up without much trouble though, knocks Murdoch off the apron, and finishes Cade with the spinebuster.

Rating: C-. I know it’s HHH, but beating the Tag Team Champions on your own so quickly isn’t exactly the easiest thing to see. It would be nice if there were some other villains who could have taken this spot but that isn’t how the tag team division works. This was about having HHH break a sweat before we get to continue the epic HHH vs. Carlito feud. I’m sure there are twelve people out there who want to see it keep going.

Post match Carlito, Cade and Murdoch stomp HHH down but Paul London and Brian Kendrick make the save. Cade and Murdoch leave so Carlito gets Pedigreed. HHH isn’t sure what to think….and Pedigrees both of them.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Melina/Jillian Hall

Beth Phoenix is at ringside. Mickie and Melina lock up to start until a neckbreaker takes Melina down. Jillian shoves Mickie off the top though and gets to come in to toss Mickie down by the hair. That’s about it for Mickie being in trouble though and she gets over for the tag off to Candice. House is cleaned and the Candy Wrapper finishes Jillian in short order.

Post match Beth Phoenix comes in to glare at Candice.

The Condemned is on DVD tomorrow.

Vince McMahon is leaving and recaps the night, with Coach saying no one has seen Hornswoggle since Vince yelled at him. With that, Vince gets in his limo to leave, with Hornswoggle popping out of the trunk.

John Cena vs. ???

Non-title and if Cena wins, his dad is out of the match with Randy Orton. The opponent is….Santino Marella, which has Cena wondering if this is serious. So Santino is doing this to impress Maria, but Coach agreed to it? Cena initiates the finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but Randy Orton runs in to jump Cena for the DQ.

Post match Orton handcuffs him to the ropes. Cue Coach to say that the match is still on, because Cena had to win the match by pinfall. That feels like a quick correction for Orton hitting the wrong person.

Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena

For reasons I don’t want to fathom, Orton went backstage during the break and does a full entrance here. John Cena is still on the floor and handcuffed to the bottom rope. The bell rings so Orton knocks him down and starts the stomping while looking down at Cena on the floor. The beating continues until Cody Rhodes runs in for the DQ.

Post match Orton sends Rhodes into the steps and RKO’s Mr. Cena. With his dad down, Cena unhooks the turnbuckle to escape and chases Orton off to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Outside of Vince now having a son and interacting with him, this felt like a show where almost nothing changed. Cena still wants to wreck Orton for what he did to his dad, HHH is still tormenting Vince and….what else is there here? It isn’t a bad show, but it seems like everything is in a holding pattern until everyone gets back from their suspensions. Understandable, but it isn’t making things easy to watch.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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