Monday Night Raw
Date: April 30, 2007
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are officially done with Backlash and that means it is time to start getting ready for Judgment Day. The show is in less than three weeks so it it probably going to feature a lot of rematches/fallout from the rematch/fallout show. That might not be the best thing in the world but WWE has been on a roll as of late. Let’s get to it.

Here is Backlash if you need a recap.

John Cena, with his title, runs into Vince McMahon, the new ECW World Champion. Vince: “What up Holmes? Peace out! The champ is here!” Cena thinks that unless ECW stands for Extremely Crazy White Guy, all he is seeing is an old guy in a durag. Shawn Michaels comes in to say Cena got lucky last night and wants one more shot. Cena is down but Vince says not so fast, because he makes the matches around here. Let’s do it one more time, but Shawn has to win a match to get a shot at Cena. Then the winner can come for the big one. Vince: “Peace out my brothers!” Cena: “Yeah he’s lost it.” He’ll see Shawn later.

Opening sequence.

Edge vs. Randy Orton

Edge slaps him in the face to start and the chase is on around the ring. Back in and Orton pokes him in the eye (denying it of course) and the circle stomp is on. A knee drop gets two and it’s time to hammer on Edge’s head. Orton chokes on the middle rope and then snaps the neck across the rope to make it worse.

We take a break and come back with Orton being sent shoulder first into the post to give Edge a breather. A spear drives Orton off the apron and into the announcers’ table for the big crash. With commentary taking a bit to come back, Edge only gets two inside. Edge’s jumping knee gets two and the chinlock goes on. That’s broken up so Edge drops him with a spinwheel kick, only to get crotched on top. Edge shoves him down but dives into a dropkick to leave them both down for a bit.

The slugout goes to Edge thanks to a thumb to the eye but Orton grabs a backbreaker for two. The powerslam gets the same so Edge snaps off the Edge-O-Matic for his own near fall. A double crossbody puts both of them down but it’s Edge up first for an attempt to take the turnbuckle pad off. The referee catches him though, allowing Orton to score with a hard clothesline. Edge counters some right hands in the corner to drop him face first onto the buckle, meaning we’ve got some blood. The Impaler gets two and, after countering an RKO, Edge spears him down for the pin.

Rating: B. These two beat each other up very well and that’s the kind of thing that is always a nice idea. It felt like a big time match and odds are this is what we were going to see last week. If they had been able to do that match before a shorter but still great Cena vs. Michaels match, it could have been an all time classic Raw. Instead, it’s a pair of awesome matches on back to back weeks.

We look at the end of Michaels vs. Cena from last week.

We look back at Bobby Lashley helping Santino Marella take the Intercontinental Title from Umaga.

Santino Marella is here for his first interview as champion, so we see him winning the title again. Santino talks about how he can’t believe this is happening. His family is very happy but his first title defense is next week.

Last night at Backlash, Rob Van Dam talked about how happy Vince McMahon must be now that he has crushed ECW. It was counterculture and all about making wrestling fun again, but now Vince is ECW World Champion. This Vince As ECW Champion thing could have been AMAZING if ECW meant anything at this point.

Vince won’t let Shane McMahon hold the ECW World Title belt because he’s too annoyed at Van Dam. Tonight, Shane needs to make sure Van Dam is destroyed once and for all. Vince also thanks Shane for his help last night, prompting Shane to say he loves Vince and hug him. Vince freaks a bit but says Shane can hold the title. As Vince leaves, Shane can’t help but start the ECW chants.

Edge is angry that Shawn Michaels is getting ANOTHER title shot when Edge didn’t lose last night. He is going to insert himself back in the title picture whether anyone likes it or not. Get it? Got it? Good.

Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are on commentary and there are no seconds for a bit of a weird change. Hardy wastes no time with a Russian legsweep into the split legged cradle. Nitro is right back with some right hands as Cade and Murdoch are being especially respectful of Hardy. Hardy fights out of a chinlock and avoids a charge in the corner. The Whisper in the Wind drops Nitro again and a sitout gordbuster gives Hardy two. Nitro gets in a shot to the face and heads up, only to get backdropped down. The Swanton finishes for Hardy.

Rating: C. These two could have a passable match in their sleep and they had another completely acceptable one here. I’m not sure why the Hardys vs. Cade/Murdoch seems to be continuing, but it isn’t like there is anything else to do in the tag division. There are a few teams here and there, but are any of them worthy of a title program? Maybe Cryme Tyme? Anyway, were you expecting Hardy vs. Nitro to be bad?

Post match, Cade and Murdoch try to show Jeff some respect but he leaves out of caution.

We see some stills of last night’s pretty great main event.

Video on Vince McMahon winning the ECW World Title last night.

Rob Van Dam vs. Umaga

Shane McMahon handles Umaga’s introduction. We’re joined in progress with Van Dam kicking away but getting shoved off the top for the big crash into the barricade. Back in and Umaga slowly hammers away before cutting off a comeback attempt with the Samoan drop. For some reason Van Dam tries to slam Umaga, which goes as well as you would expect. The sleeper on Umaga’s back works slightly better until Van Dam gets rammed into the corner and tossed outside.

Umaga follows him outside and now the sleeper goes on again. This time Umaga rams Van Dam HARD into the steps for another break for a near countout. Back in and Umaga hits the running headbutt but misses the running hip attack in the corner. A basement dropkick and basement spinwheel kick have Shane panicking and Rolling Thunder gets two. Umaga’s running splash hits the post and there’s the Five Star but Umaga grabs the throat on the landing. Some choking sets up the Samoan Spike to put Van Dam away.

Rating: C+. It was short but hard hitting as Van Dam was a unique challenger to Umaga. That’s what you want out of something like this, though Umaga beating the top ECW star so soon might have been a little rushed. Still though, Umaga gets back on the right path in a pretty good match so it was a good use of TV time.

Vince McMahon comes out to pose, still as the best heel in the company.

Torrie Wilson and Carlito come up to Ric Flair in the back and Flair isn’t happy with Carlito for yelling at him in Spanish last week. Carlito apologizes, which is all Flair needed, but he has also gotten them a match tonight with the World’s Greatest Tag Team. If it goes badly, they can go their separate ways. Flair gives him a pep talk, but says this is his last chance. Flair leaves and Torrie asks if this is a good idea. Carlito: “RELAX!”

Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena

Non-title….and non-match as there is no Shawn. We cut to the back where Shawn is out cold.

Post break, Coach accuses John Cena of taking Shawn out, earning himself a grab by the shirt and a lift off the floor. Vince McMahon comes in to ask what is going on. Coach is going to find out what happened, but Vince wants Shawn wrestling TONIGHT. For some reason, Val Venis is there in street clothes checking on Shawn as well.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito. Flair starts with Haas and WOO’s a bit before hiptossing Haas over. Benjamin comes in to choke Carlito on the ropes but a dropkick gives Carlito two. For some reason Carlito goes into the wrong corner and it’s Haas coming back in to stomp away. A backbreaker gives Haas two and we hit the reverse chinlock. Benjamin’s backbreaker gets two and we hit a chinlock with Benjamin’s knee in the back. Carlito fights up and gets over to Flair for the tag as everything breaks down….and Carlito knocks Flair out with a left hand. The brawl is on and we have a no contest.

Rating: C-. Another watchable match which was only there for the angle at the end. Flair isn’t doing anything important at the moment so a quick pay per view match with Carlito is a good way to go for him. The match itself was what you would expect, but Flair vs. Carlito is going to work out.

Flair and Carlito fight up the ramp, but Carlito rakes the eyes and escapes.

Now Edge has been attacked and Coach isn’t sure what to do. He wants Randy Orton though.

We recap the attacks on Michaels and Edge.

Here’s Mr. Kennedy who says he didn’t do that. You won’t find a glove that fits his hand, because he has this briefcase. Kennedy could have cashed in his briefcase at Backlash but he chose not to. How many fans would like to see him cash in his briefcase right here in Nashville, Tennessee? The fans approve of the idea but that isn’t going to happen.

Kennedy thinks it was wrong for Edge to wait until after John Cena had gone through an Elimination Chamber to cash in. He’s going to be more fair and announce when he’s cashing in. That would be in 335 days at Wrestlemania XXIV, when the new champion will be MR. KENNEDY!!! Kennedy.

Randy Orton has been attacked as well.

Coach comes in to recap the attacks to Vince McMahon, who says he knows who did it. Whoever did it did it because of John Cena, so Coach needs to send Cena to the ring to meet the man who did this.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Victoria

Candice chokes Victoria to no avail so it’s off to Melina to miss a dropkick. Mickie comes in for some hair pulling and catfighting, which is not exactly Mickie’s style. It’s back to Victoria, who knocks Mickie outside and drives her into the apron. Melina grabs the cross arm choke but Mickie fights back up with a neckbreaker. That’s enough for the hot tag to bring in Candice and everything breaks down. Mickie saves Candice from a double suplex and a rollup finishes Victoria.

Rating: D+. Candice was getting in a little offense here and there and that’s probably a sign of the next push. It’s easy to see why WWE would want to push her, though she still has a long way to go in the ring. Putting her in there with women like Mickie and Victoria will help a lot though so at least they have the right idea.

The ECW Originals don’t like Vince McMahon as ECW World Champion. Tommy Dreamer cries, because he’s Tommy Dreamer.

We recap tonight’s attacks.

Here is John Cena to say whoever is behind this could have saved themselves a lot of time and come at him face to face. He’s ready to fight…..and here’s the Great Khali, which makes Cena swallow hard. Cena charges out to start the fight on the floor and gets knocked around. They head inside with Cena’s flying shoulder having no effect, earning himself a clothesline. A big boot puts Cena down again but he fights up and manages to get him in the FU. That’s broken up with elbows to the face though and the double chokeslam plants Cena to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling started good and then went downhill as the show went on, but I liked the one night mystery to set up Cena’s next challenger. It’s the definition of a spring/early summer title program and there is nothing wrong with that. Khali running through all four members of the fatal four way in one night is a great symbolic move and now we get to move on to what could be an interesting (not necessarily in a good way) title match. Overall, another good night, which is nice to see.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Backlash 2007
Date: April 29, 2007
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Taz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles

It’s the Wrestlemania followup show and the company is still on something of a hot streak. We have a big double main event as Batista challenges Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title in a Last Man Standing match and John Cena defends against Edge, Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton. That’s enough star power, plus Vince McMahon going for a title of his own. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how this is the Wrestlemania sequel, with a focus on the three top matches. Rather simple and to the point, but it works well.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Hardys are defending. Matt and Cade get things going with the latter driving him into the corner. That’s broken up so Cade goes with a running shoulder but Matt slugs his way out of trouble. A headlock takeover puts Cade down but it’s off to Murdoch, who walks into a slam. Jeff comes in with a slingshot dropkick and the elbow/flipping splash combination keeps Murdoch in trouble.

The Whisper in the Wind is more of a flipping Blockbuster but it lets the Hardys clear the ring. Jeff’s big Poetry In Motion to the floor has Cade and Murdoch down again and the champs are in control. Back in and Matt drops a middle rope elbow for two on Murdoch, who sends him into the corner for a breather. It’s back to Jeff, who gets pulled out to the floor for the crash to put him in trouble. The sitout spinebuster plants Jeff for two and Murdoch grabs the chinlock.

Back up and a neckbreaker and clothesline give Murdoch two each, followed by a big boot for the same. Cade comes back in for a chinlock of his own and it’s already back to Murdoch for a belly to back suplex. Jeff’s dropkick isn’t enough for the hot tag but kicking Murdoch out of the corner is, as Matt gets to come back in. Everything breaks down and Jeff is sent hard into the corner, leaving Cade to come off the top and hit Matt in the back. Murdoch’s Code Red gets two but Matt is back up with the Twist of Fate. With Matt cutting off Cade, Jeff Swantons Murdoch so Matt can get the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. It was a little long at over fifteen minutes but the Hardys winning a hard fought tag match is almost always a good idea. Cade and Murdoch are a good old fashioned roughneck brawling team and this was a fine way to use them. It felt like a pay per view title match, though trimming off a minute or two might have helped.

Vince and Shane McMahon are confident that they can beat Bobby Lashley, especially with Umaga around. How does this sound: ECW World Champion Vince McMahon?

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Mickie is challenging and wastes no time armdragging her down into an armbar. The grappling on the mat gives us a quick standoff until Mickie headscissors her back down. That’s broken up as Melina is sent into the corner, where she seems to be favoring her eye. Tis but a ruse though as she charges at Mickie, who hammers away to keep the champ in trouble. Mickie takes too long going up top though and gets shoved off into a heap on the floor.

Back in and Melina grabs a full nelson with her legs and even puts her hand on the rope for leverage (It’s interesting that just putting your hand there wouldn’t do much. The thing is though that fans understand it’s cheating so it can go a long way with almost no effort. Learn that kind of thing.). A choke in the corner has Mickie in more trouble and a middle rope Thesz press drops her again.

The chinlock doesn’t last long as Mickie drops down into the splits….and pulls Melina down into them with her. They slug it out from there until Mickie kicks her away. Some clotheslines and a hair toss have Melina in more trouble, with a high crossbody getting two. That’s enough for Melina, who goes to the eyes and drops her with a reverse DDT to retain.

Rating: C. They were working hard here but there is only so much that you can do when they are in the lowest level match on the card and the ending comes out of nowhere. Melina needs to be built up with wins like this so they did things as well as they could have. Not a terrible match, but it could have been on any given Raw.

Edge is ready to win the WWE Championship. Maria pulls out a fan question, asking how he won his first World Title. That would be Money in the Bank, so here is Mr. Kennedy with the briefcase to hint at a cash-in at the end of the night. Eh, not with that kind of telegraphing.

The Condemned hype comes to pay per view.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

MVP is challenging and drives him into the corner a few times to start. A leg dive doesn’t work for MVP and it’s time for the exchange of front facelocks. Benoit tries the Crossface but MVP is right over to the rope, as he should be. Back up and a headlock takeover slows Benoit down a bit until he reverses into a headscissors and then bridges up into a backslide for two. Benoit takes him down and gets the Sharpshooter, sending MVP back to the ropes.

Back up again and MVP hits a running boot to the back of the head to take over. The cravate goes on to stay on Benoit’s neck and MVP tosses him with a suplex for two more. MVP grabs a chinlock and the LET’S GO POWER RANGER chant gets on his nerves a bit. Benoit fights up and rolls the German suplexes but MVP is smart enough to grab the foot to prevent the Swan Dive.

A hot shot gives MVP a series of two counts but Benoit is right back with the Crossface, sending MVP back to the ropes. MVP is back with something like an armbar while cranking on the neck at the same time. The big boot misses though and Benoit rolls more German suplexes. The Swan Dive is loaded up but hits raised knees, allowing MVP to grab a half crab. That’s broken up so MVP tries a suplex, which is quickly reversed into a small package so Benoit can retain.

Rating: B-. The ending surprised me and that’s a good thing, at least in theory. At the end of the day, I’m not sure how smart it is to have Benoit retain the title as MVP needs to win something rather soon. Getting pinned by Benoit is hardly some terrible result, but how many times can MVP lose before it stops mattering anymore?

John Cena is asked about how title defense tonight but here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton talks about how similar they are, including being handsome. An alliance is tossed out, but Cena would rather talk about the handsome part. It turns into a series of gay jokes, though it isn’t Cena’s thing. Orton says tonight is ending with Cena on his back and Orton on top, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

We recap the McMahons and Umaga vs. Bobby Lashley for Lashley’s ECW World Title. Lashley beat Umaga at Wrestlemania to force Vince McMahon to get his head shaved, so now it is time for revenge. Vince has put Lashley in a handicap match and Lashley….well he got as fired up as he could at least.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga/Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

Lashley is defending but unfortunately Vince has traded the snazzy hat for a bandanna. Shane starts for the team and gets taken down for an early pummeling. There’s the spinebuster and Shane is on the floor in a hurry. Back in and Shane hands it off to Umaga, which is just fine with Lashley. Umaga takes him down but Lashley avoids a charge in the corner and hits some running clotheslines.

A clothesline puts Umaga on the floor and Shane goes with him, leaving Vince alone with Lashley. Umaga comes back in to save the boss and Shane low bridges Lashley to the floor. There’s a legdrop to keep Lashley in trouble and a hard whip into the corner makes it worse. Shane starts working on the arm and cranks away, with Lashley just kind of laying there cringing. The hold stays on for a good while, including a bodyscissors to make it worse. Lashley powerbombs his way to freedom but Umaga is right back with in with the save.

Umaga grabs the bearhug and then a Samoan drop gets two. It’s back to Shane for a camel clutch but Lashley fights up with some suplexes. A torture rack into a backbreaker gets two with Vince finally making the save. Umaga and Shane have to save Vince from the running powerslam and it’s a belt shot to the head. Vince comes in to count two but Lashley is done. Umaga adds the top rope splash and now Vince can get the pin to become ECW World Champion.

Rating: C. The match itself wasn’t great, but this was ALL about the title change, as Vince winning the ECW World Title is the ultimate slap in the face of ECW. In other words, it’s absolutely perfect and makes Umaga look like a star as well as he was the one who put Lashley down. It’s a great way to make ECW fans mad and hope that someone takes it back, even if it’s Lashley. Not much of a match, but a nice piece of business.

Shane runs around holding the title in a hilarious visual. Vince is awarded the title and orders that the ring announcer name him the new champion again.

Post commercial, Vince McMahon runs into the ECW Originals and mocks all of them, saying things are looking up for Sabu and stealing Sandman’s kendo stick. Vince and Shane: “EC DUB! EC DUB! EC DUB!”

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker in a Last Man Standing match for Undertaker’s Smackdown World Title. Undertaker took it from him at Wrestlemania and now it’s time for the much more violent rematch. Neither trusts each other, but there does seem to be some respect between then.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. Batista has a heavily taped up thigh and Undertaker sends him into the corner to start hammer away. It’s too early for a chokeslam so Undertaker scores with the jumping clothesline instead. Old School connects early but Batista is back with the running powerslam. They fight outside with Undertaker kicking him up against the apron and then going after the big target on the leg.

The apron legdrop gives Undertaker a five but Batista whips him knees first into the steps. Back in and Undertaker catches him on top for a superplex (that’s a rare one for Undertaker) for the big double knockdown. They slug it out until Batista hits a running clothesline and slams him down for a legdrop. Undertaker kicks him right back to the floor and loads up the announcers’ table, which can’t possibly go well. Instead, Undertaker hits him with the steps for seven and NOW it’s time for the bloody Batista to be put on the announcers’ table.

A heck of a jumping legdrop off the barricade crushes Batista for a nine. Back in and the spear gives Batista seven and the spinebuster puts Undertaker right back down. Two more spinebusters give Batista a nine but Undertaker comes right back with a chokeslam. That’s enough for a nine so Undertaker hammers away in the corner (that’s not smart), only to get pulled into the Batista Bomb for a very close nine.

A frustrated Batista grabs a chair and blasts him in the head but the Batista Bomb is countered with a backdrop onto the chair. The Tombstone is good for nine so Undertaker kicks him outside again. They fight up to the stage and the Tombstone is countered again, so Batista spears him off the stage. That sets off the sparks and part of the set falls down, which is enough for the double ten count and a draw.

Rating: B. They beat each other up for a long time and the legdrop spot looked good, but going to a draw in a Last Man Standing match is rarely going to get anything but an eye roll. The ending did look good and felt big, but it makes this match feel like it didn’t matter. You don’t want that kind of a feeling, though the third match should be good as well.

Both guys take their time getting up but leave on their own.

The Condemned is still a thing.

There was a fan poll on who will win the main event:

John Cena – 50%
Shawn Michaels – 34%
Randy Orton – 10%
Edge – 6%

We recap the four way for the Raw World Title. John Cena retained against Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania but Shawn wanted one more shot. That was cool with Cena, but Edge and Randy Orton wanted in as well. The match was made, and then Shawn beat Cena clean in a nearly hour long classic this week on Raw.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Cena is defending and this is one fall to a finish. They stare each other down at the bell and it seems that we are in for a mini tag match. We don’t get any contact until a minute in, when Edge and Orton are knocked to the floor. Shawn turns to chop Cena, who grabs a release fisherman’s suplex for two. Back in and Orton dropkicks Edge outside and all four wind up on the floor. Edge whips Orton into the steps but Shawn is back up to plant Edge with a slam. Shawn isn’t done as he moonsaults off the top onto all three of them.

Back in and Cena hits a double top rope Fameasser onto Edge and Michaels for the triple knockdown. Orton comes back in and sends Shawn and Edge outside, leaving Cena to get caught with the backbreaker for two. Cena gets sent into the post but Shawn is back in to slug away on Orton. Edge comes back in with a spinwheel kick on Shawn, meaning it’s time for a mini Rated-RKO reunion. A Cena comeback attempt gets shoved off the apron and onto the announcers’ table and there’s a double backdrop to Shawn.

That sets up a double half crab (which somehow equals Boston instead of one) until Cena comes in for the real save. The Shuffle hits Edge but Shawn is up to send Cena and Orton face first into the post. Shawn loads up a piledriver through the announcers’ table but Edge makes the save with a chair. Another chair shot drops Orton, leaving Cena to pull Edge into the STFU. The rope is grabbed so Cena puts Orton in the same hold. Shawn makes the save and cleans house, including sending Orton and Edge outside.

The top rope elbow hits Cena and there’s one to Edge. Shawn loads up another to Orton but Cena breaks it up and we get the big Tower of Doom to leave everyone laying. Back up and Cena and Edge trade finisher attempts until Cena throws Edge and Shawn up onto his shoulders at the same time. Shawn slips off and tries the superkick but Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere. Cena breaks that up before one but walks into the Edgecution. Orton and Cena trade finisher attempts until Edge spears Orton down. The FU hits Edge but Cena walks into the superkick to leave everyone down….and Cena lands on Orton for the pin to retain.

Rating: B+. The match took some time to get going, but ultimately it was the last few minutes that took this to another level. The last four or five minutes were absolute fire with one big spot after another. I love the ending too as Shawn knocks Cena silly and would have had him beat but Cena got lucky with the landing. You can go a few directions from that, and I’m sure we’ll see some fallout at the next pay per view.

Shawn is livid and yells at Cena, who looks confused.

Overall Rating: A-. You had a six match card and the two longest were very good while getting by far the most time. Throw in Benoit vs. MVP in a good match and the worst thing being Mickie vs. Melina in a watchable match and this was a heck of a show. I liked this more than I would have bet on as WWE continues having their very strong stretch over the last few months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 16, 2007
Location: Datchforum, Milan, Italy
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have a special one here as the show is in Italy for the first time ever. That should make for a cool atmosphere if nothing else and that is almost always a good idea. For once though, Raw is on a roll as we move towards Backlash. If this show can continue that streak, they’ll be able to say…..however you praise something in Italian. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Coach to get things going. Coach isn’t happy with last week’s announcement of the Backlash main event, so therefore we’ll do his original idea tonight: John Cena vs. Rated-RKO in a handicap match. With that out of the way, Coach introduces Vince McMahon (again with the snappy hat). After saying he doesn’t understand any of the fans’ chants, Vince talks about how he has received a better reception from every other city in Europe. Milan is supposed to be the fashion capital of the world but look at these people and tell him that is true.

Vince insults the smell of garlic in the city and brings out Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada. We see a clip of Umaga and company destroying Bobby Lashley last week, followed by Vince announcing that Lashley is not here as he did not clear customs to enter the country. With that out of the way, Vince says he wants to see Umaga in action tonight, so someone can come out here and face him. With no one coming, Vince offers to make it an Intercontinental Title match.

Still no takers, so Vince asks for someone to come out of the crowd. A fan agrees and says si, he does understand English. The soccer chants are on and Vince explains the idea of a hold harmless clause. The fan is down with that and says his name is Santino Marella. Let’s do it.

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Umaga

Marella is challenging and hammers away, including some kicks at the leg. Umaga misses a charge into the post and Santino is on a roll….but Vince remembers that this is no holds barred. Estrada offers a distraction and Umaga runs Santino over, allowing Estrada to get in some slaps of his own. Umaga hits a Vader Bomb but here is Lashley to slam Umaga off the top. The brawl is on so Vince grabs a chair, which Lashley takes away and blasts Umaga again. A spear cuts Umaga down and Lashley puts Santino on top for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. The match was nothing of course and there is nothing wrong with that. This was all about letting Lashley get one up on the villains and it worked out well enough. WWE gets a bit of fresh blood on their roster as well and Santino winning is certainly a surprise upset. Good angle, but nothing as a match.

The big celebration is on (which is weird with no music) as we take a break. Back with Jerry Lawler in the ring with Lashley and Marella. Lashley says he’ll keep his ECW World Title at Backlash, but tonight is about Santino. Some Italian cheap pops ensue as Santino isn’t a big talker to start.

Ric Flair talks to Carlito about the beautiful Italian women. Carlito is sorry for walking out on him last week but Flair says it’s ok. They’ll win tonight and get back in contention, though Carlito doesn’t seem convinced after Flair leaves.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair/Carlito. Benjamin and Carlito start things off with Carlito hitting a hiptoss into a slam. Haas and Benjamin are cleared out in a hurry so Haas comes in to shoulder Flair in the corner. That doesn’t seem to bother Flair, who goes after Haas’ leg but Benjamin cuts him off.

The villains take over on Flair with Haas kicking and punching away. Flair gets taken into the corner for some alternating stomping but Flair suplexes his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Carlito to slug away as everything breaks down. The referee gets rid of Flair, allowing Haas to trip Carlito into Benjamin’s exploder for the pin.

Rating: C-. The problems continue for Flair and Carlito, who don’t seem to be long for the tag team ranks. You don’t often come back from the communication issues world and that looks like where they are now. I’m not sure what is next for either of them after they’re done with each other, but it isn’t like this is some epic story in the first place.

Post match, Carlito is incredibly frustrated and storms off, leaving Torrie with Flair (that seems like a really bad idea).

We look at Michael Pena setting up the four way at Backlash for the WWE Championship.

John Cena, who is REALLY not popular here, gives Maria a special look before talking about how there is one champ around here. Cue Shawn Michaels to say he was here to bail Cena out on the way to Wrestlemania. Now though, he doesn’t care what happens to Cena and next week, he’s leaving Cena on his back.

There is an Italian announce team at ringside and one of them looks like Tazz.

The Condemned has a villain.

Melina is getting ready for the Divas Fashion Show and Johnny Nitro is rather pleased. Cue Eugene to stare at her, which doesn’t please Nitro as much.

Great Khali is coming to Raw.

Johnny Nitro vs. Eugene

Nitro stomps away to start, both on the mat and in the corner. Some shots to the head set up a flipping neckbreaker to put Eugene away in just over a minute.

We look at Milan’s fashion industry.

It’s time for a Diva Fashion Show, featuring a guy named Paolo Marilla (he’s in a tuxedo and seems to be a big shot in fashion) as the host. First up is Candice Michelle with an angel’s wings dress. Victoria takes off her shoes and almost marches down the ramp. Mickie is in more regular clothes with I guess the higher fashion idea. Maria and Torrie Wilson are in rather limited clothing and Melina is in a dress we saw a few minutes ago. Torrie wins so Melina jumps her until Mickie makes the save. This was another reason to have the Divas in the ring together.

Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Cade

Matt Hardy and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Feeling out process to start with the referee having to yell at Cade for being too aggressive. Cade slams Hardy but misses a clothesline, allowing Jeff to hit Whisper in the Wind for two. Back up and Cade hits some knees to the ribs, with Murdoch adding a cheap shot for a bonus.

Jeff is back up with a dropkick through the ropes to take Murdoch down but Cade kicks him in the face. Matt chases Murdoch off after another cheap shot and a headbutt gives Cade two. An elbow to the face into a snapmare gets the same but Hardy is back up with the sitout jawbreaker. The yet to be named Sling Blade sets up the Swanton, which hits knees thanks to a Murdoch distraction. A clothesline gives Cade the upset pin.

Rating: C. It’s almost weird to see Cade getting a feature match but he was showcased fairly well here. It puts a bit of heat on the title match at Backlash, or at least as much can be put on a Tag Team Title match these days. Cade looked like a star here though and that’s a bright sign for his future.

The Condemned has stunts!

Here is Chris Masters to talk about various works of art here in Italy. There have been some amazing works, but none of the masters have ever created a masterpiece like him.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

They fight over a lockup to start with Masters powering him around. Back up and Masters sends him outside, setting up a big running flip dive. Back in and Masters avoids a moonsault (or “look at this move”) according to Lawler so the stomping can ensue. Masters whips him hard into the corner for two but has to counter a crucifix into something like a Samoan drop for two more.

The chinlock puts Crazy in more trouble and it works so well that Masters puts it on again. Crazy fights up and starts kicking at Masters’ legs for the break, setting up a standing flipping legdrop for two. Masters doesn’t seem to mind and catches him with a wheelbarrow suplex for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would and a lot of that is due to Masters mixing things up a bit. Yeah he did the same offense until the ending but then it wasn’t the Masterlock for the first time pretty much ever. That has been one of the biggest problems with Masters for a very long time now so it is nice to see him throw in a curve ball. Crazy’s usual charisma made it even better so well done on a totally watchable match.

Rated-RKO blame each other for various things but tonight they are going to get on the same page to take out John Cena.

John Cena vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Edge starts for the team and gets caught in an early release fisherman’s suplex for two. Cena grabs a rollup for the same as he’s in desperation mode early on. A front facelock doesn’t get Cena very far as the fans are all over him. Orton comes in and gets taken down for two (with JR saying a pin would have been cool). Some forearms to the chest have Cena in trouble and he scores with a big boot (Has he ever used that before?) as Edge comes in to send us to a break.

Back with Edge knocking Cena off the apron and into the announcers’ table as the beating continues. Orton powers him back inside to hammer away and it’s back to Edge for a big boot of his own. Now it’s Orton getting to forearm away even more but Edge has to Edge-O-Matic his way out of an FU attempt. Cena knocks Edge off the top and hits the top rope Fameasser but Orton is right back in to cut him off.

Cue Shawn Michaels as Cena fights back, including the Shuffle to Edge. Orton dropkicks Cena to break up the FU on Edge and the referee gets bumped. Back up and Edge spears Orton by mistake. Shawn comes in and tries a superkick to Cena but takes Edge out instead. The FU to Shawn allows Cena to pin Edge and escape.

Rating: C-. Kind of a dull match here but the ending sequence got better. Part of the problem was that this was mainly spent on Edge and Orton slowly beating Cena down, which isn’t the most thrilling match. At least they gave us something interesting in the ending, but it was definitely a slower paced main event.

Overall Rating: C. You’re only going to get so much out of these international shows, with the opening segment being the only thing worth seeing. The rest of the show was completely watchable, but it’s not like the majority of it is all that great. Backlash is starting to take shape and we have Cena vs. Michaels set for next week, so call this a step towards the future without doing much on its own.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 9, 2007
Location: Harbor Yard Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially done with the Wrestlemania victory lap week and that means it is time to start getting ready for Backlash. That could mean more than a few things, but it certainly feels like Wrestlemania fallout is in full swing. Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley and John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels are both continuing and that is likely to be your focus this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Shane McMahon to get things going. Shane talks about the power of the McMahon name and usually it is greeted with respect. Lately though, it has been greeted with laughter due to what happened to Vince McMahon at Wrestlemania. Tonight is about the McMahon Family dynasty though and it is time to restore honor to the name. Shane calls out Bobby Lashley and his request is granted in a hurry.

Since the McMahons have lost their dignity, Lashley needs to lose what matters to him the most. Therefore tonight, Lashley is defending his title against Shane himself. Cue Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada, but Shane says he’d doing this on his own, even getting in Umaga’s face and slapping Estrada. Lashley is down with the title match, but wants Shane’s hair on the line too. That’s cool with Shane, who is showing some moxxy here.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Victoria

Candice starts with Melina but she wants Mickie instead. That’s fine with Mickie, who gets punched in the face almost immediately. Mickie takes her into the corner and brings in Candice to start working on the arm. Candice chokes her on the ropes but Victoria gets in a cheap shot to take over without much trouble.

Victoria ties her in the Tree of Woe and egads the crowd is quiet here. Something like an upside down Bronco Buster gives Melina two and it’s time to stretch both of Candice’s arms at once. Victoria misses the slingshot legdrop though and Mickie comes in for a neckbreaker. Everything breaks down and the MickieDT finishes Victoria.

Rating: C. Totally watchable match here as they kept it short and didn’t have Candice on offense that much. Mickie and Victoria can do whatever they need to in the ring and Melina is getting better. Candice is still a work in progress but she has improved and that is a good sign for her future.

We look at Vince McMahon getting his head shaved at Wrestlemania.

Mick Foley is with Michael Pena, a kid who is tonight’s General Manager (thanks to Make-A-Wish). The Highlanders comes in and introduce themselves, with Foley suggesting Pena put them in a wild match. Instead, Pena meets Maria, which goes a bit better. Pena looks at the camera and gets the cheap pop for praising Bridgeport. The more I see of these Make-A-Wish moments, the more I see why the wrestlers rave about them. They’re just cool, especially with the smiles on the kids’ faces.

Ric Flair and Carlito come out for a match, but first, Carlito reminds Flair of the time that he said Carlito had no heart or passion. That made Carlito angry, but you don’t get a wake up call from the 16 time World Champion very often. Carlito talks about how important it is to see someone who paved the way and we get a clip from the Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen DVD (Flair: “MY SHOES COST MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE!”). Back in the arena, Flair is touched and Carlito says that once they win tonight, they get a Tag Team Title shot at Backlash. That’s cool.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Torrie Wilson is here with Flair and Carlito and the winners get the Backlash Tag Team Title shot. We’re joined in progress with Flair chopping away at Cade, who cuts him off with a jumping clothesline. Murdoch comes in and hammers away on Flair, including a slap to the back (that’s a different one).

A belly to back suplex gets two on Flair with Carlito making the save. The neck crank goes on but Flair fights up and starts chopping away. The hot tag brings in Carlito to clean house, including the knee lift into a clothesline for two on Murdoch. Everything breaks down and Carlito misses his springboard back elbow. With Flair on the floor, a High/Low gives Murdoch the pin on Carlito.

Rating: C-. Pretty basic match here with Flair getting to come in and do his chopping, though another loss doesn’t exactly make Carlito look great. The tag division isn’t all that deep in the first place, though Cade/Murdoch vs. the Hardys should be good. I don’t know if Flair and Carlito have much of a future, but at least it gave Flair something to do.

Post match Flair goes to console Carlito, who walks out on him. It’s not like this was going to be some long term story or anything so they aren’t quite cutting it off too soon.

Video on the Condemned. Egads I’m getting See No Evil flashbacks with all of this hype.

Coach tries to talk Shane McMahon out of the title match and is basically told to mind his own business.

Shawn Michaels is tired of how things have been around here so he is going to start telling it like it is. Tonight he is facing Randy Orton in a #1 contenders match and it is going to be about who wants it more. Randy Orton comes in and says Shawn’s days as the top contender are over. Shawn says Orton wins because he is the 1000th man to say Shawn can’t win around here. Orton’s prize: some new teeth after Shawn kicks his out of his mouth.

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Shawn finally comes out to his own theme instead of the DX song. Shawn’s headlock is countered so he grabs a hammerlock instead. Orton gets smart by grabbing the arm to escape, earning herself a headlock takeover. Somehow Shawn’s eyes has been busted open and Orton slams him down but misses a knee drop, allowing Shawn to start in on said knee. We hit the leg crank as they’re still in second gear at most. Orton kicks Shawn away and into the post to take over but here is Edge to watch as we take a break.

Back with Orton hitting a backdrop and elbowing Shawn out to the apron. The leg keeps giving Orton problems but he’s fine enough to hit the hanging DDT for some near falls. Orton grabs the chinlock but Shawn doesn’t waste time before coming back up to escape and hit the swinging neckbreaker. The flying forearm hits the referee but Shawn doesn’t seem to mind and hits the top rope elbow anyway.

Edge offers the distraction though and Orton gets in a Cactus Clothesline. Orton doesn’t like Edge being out there so he throws Shawn back inside and takes a swing, earning himself a spear. Edge throws Orton and the referee back inside, where Shawn hits a quick Sweet Chin Music. Another referee comes in to count the pin…but all four shoulders are down, as pointed out by the original referee. Therefore, Edge’s music plays as the referees aren’t sure who wins.

Rating: B-. This was a messy match with a lot going on with Edge and the two referees. I can go with doing something else to set up a bigger main event down the line though, as the four way at Backlash seems likely. Good enough for a first step though, which shouldn’t be surprising given who was in there.

Randy Orton storms into Shane McMahon’s office to rant about what happened. Shane tells him to go talk to Coach, because Shane has to worry about his hair.

Val Venis and Super Crazy sign autographs for Michael Pena when Cryme Tyme come in. They think they need a raise, but Foley says Pena can’t perform miracles. Johnny Nitro comes in and walks away without saying anything but here is Coach to get in Pena’s face. Coach says he makes the big decisions around here but Edge comes in to say he needs to talk to Coach about what just happened. With the two of them gone, Mick Foley and Pena suggest that they have something planned.

Hardys vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Non-title. Haas hammerlocks Matt to start but gets kicked into the corner for the tag to Jeff. The flip dive/fist drop combination keeps Haas in trouble and Jeff gets up, only to have Benjamin jump up and springboard kick him in the head (because Shelton can just do that). Benjamin comes in to grab the chinlock, which doesn’t even last as long as usual. Jeff fights up and makes the hot tag off to Matt as everything breaks down. Poetry in Motion into the Twist of Fate into the Swanton finishes Benjamin.

Rating: C. That certainly was a Hardys match and I’m not sure what else to say about it. They played the hits and they all worked, but it wasn’t like this was anything that they haven’t done a hundred times before. It was certainly good, but it felt like a way to say “hey, the Hardys are still here”.

Here is Edge for the Cutting Edge. Before we get anywhere, Edge wants to talk about what happened with Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton, because they both LOST. Edge has been talking to Coach and they both think that he should be the new #1 contender. Cue Orton to chase Edge off and say HE has talked to Coach too and HE should get the title shot. Now it’s Shawn coming out to say it’s his title shot because he is the better man.

We need the champ out here so it’s John Cena joining everyone. Cena says they all want title shots, but the last time Edge got a shot, it was in his match in his hometown and that didn’t work out for him. Cena is fine with beating him again though, which Edge likes. Orton has been complaining about never having a shot but whose fault is that? If Orton wants to dance, Cena isn’t hard to find. That leaves Shawn, who wants to recreate Wrestlemania, so Cena is with him.

Cue Coach to make a ruling: Cena will defend against Edge and Orton at Backlash in a handicap match….but here is Mick Foley to say hang on. See, Coach just isn’t in charge tonight, so here is Michael Pena to make the four way match at Backlash instead. That’s pretty cool and it’s rather sweet to see.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Shane McMahon

Lashley is defending and it’s title vs. hair. Shane jumps him before the bell and sends Lashley into the post to drop him on the floor. A running shoulder drives Lashley into the steps and there’s the bell so Shane can get two. Shane hammers away in the corner but gets tossed with an overhead belly to belly. There’s a t-bone suplex for a bonus….and then Shane punches the referee for the DQ.

Post match here is Umaga, flanked by Armando Alejandro Estrada and Vince McMahon, for the brawl. The big beatdown is on in a hurry, including the running hip attack in the corner and a chair shot to Lashley’s head. Lashley is busted open and Vince reveals the bald head. Vince rants at Lashley and says it’s 3-1 at Backlash for the ECW World Title. More beating ensues, including the Samoan Spike to end the show. So Shane gets his head shaved for losing by DQ right?

Overall Rating: C+. This show was about setting up Backlash and they nailed the two big matches in one night. That’s all they needed to do here and they even threw in the Michael Pena stuff to make it that much nicer. Raw has been on a role lately and they’re even maintaining it after Wrestlemania. I don’t expect it to last, but dang it has been fun for a little while.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2007
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 14,740
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are less than three weeks away from Wrestlemania and it’s another Donald Trump show as the contract has to be signed. Other than that, the World Title situation has been picking up as you can feel the tension building between Shawn Michaels and John Cena. The shows have actually been working well as of late and that might be the case again this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory of Ernie Ladd.

We open with a recap of Shawn Michaels and John Cena not needing the other to save them, with Shawn barely saving Cena to end the show.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena knows there is tension in the air because he doesn’t know if he can trust Shawn Michaels. When is Shawn going to betray him and get it over with? If Shawn wants to turn on his tag partner then fine, but if Shawn wants to kick his teeth down his throat, come out here and do it right now.

Cue Shawn, but Cena cuts him off to say this is all about the title. Shawn says he isn’t going to win Good Samaritan this year because all he cares about is being WWE Champion. People have been asking when he is going to turn on Cena, but why aren’t people asking when Cena is going to turn on him? Cena will do anything to be champion and that’s what Shawn likes about him. As much as Cena wants to be champion, Shawn wants one more day in the sun that much more.

Violence is teased but here is Coach to interrupt. All this talk about the WWE Title has taken focus off of the Tag Team Titles and there are a lot of teams ready to take their heads off. That’s why tonight, it’s a gauntlet match against three teams. It seems to be three straight title matches, and the third is going to take place inside a steel cage.

Celebrities pick who they want to see bald.

Donald Trump arrives.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Randy Orton vs. Carlito vs. Ric Flair

Elimination rules so Orton has to fight off a double team out of the corner. Back to back dropkicks put Carlito and Flair down but Flair is back up with the chops. Carlito does the same in the corner and gets two off a back elbow to the face. Flair takes out the knee and Carlito hits the springboard elbow. For reasons of good guys in wrestling are idiots, Carlito wants to put on the RKO so a fight breaks out with Flair. The Backstabber to Flair sets up the RKO for the elimination and we take a break.

Back with Carlito crawling to the ropes to get out of a Boston crab. That’s fine with Orton, as he gets in the Garvin Stomp into the jumping knee for two. Orton punches him down in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Carlito, eventually, fights up and snaps off a hurricanrana into a flapjack for two. The springboard spinning Swanton gets two but Orton crotches him on top. The RKO sends Orton to Wrestlemania.

Rating: C-. The elimination rule was little more than a way for Carlito to look like a moron, which he tends to do on his own. The Carlito/Flair stuff makes sense on paper, but then falls apart when you realize that it’s a story about Carlito. Orton going on makes sense as he needs something to do at Wrestlemania and he looked pretty dominant on the way there.

Video on Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon.

It’s time for a Masterlock Challenge but no one comes out. Chris Masters offers Lilian Garcia a chance but here is Super Crazy for the save. Crazy gets in a few shots but gets Masterlocked down. This was every Masterlock Challenge for months now.

Vince McMahon arrives and tells Donald Trump’s driver to tell Trump that his is bigger than Trump’s. The limo that is.

Video on Ernie Ladd, who I like more and more every time I see something from him.

Edge and Randy Orton are getting ready in the back but stop to bicker about winning Money in the Bank. Edge is undefeated, but the only reason is he never faced Randy Orton.

Lilian Garcia asks us to look at the Titantron for a public service announcement. Someone is reading the Los Angeles Times and talking about the Battle of the Billionaires. The paper is folded down…..and it’s the Rock. Well that wakes the crowd up. Rock talks about being Samoan himself and knows that Umaga is Samoan for shriveled up monkey censored. How is Vince going to win with a shriveled up monkey censored? Rock hits some catchphrases and we’re done in a hurry. This was as fast paced of a cameo as you’re going to get.

Ashley had a Playboy signing in New York City.

Tag Team Titles: Gauntlet Match

John Cena and Shawn Michaels are defending in three straight matches. First up is the World’s Greatest Tag Team so Cena hiptosses and elbows Benjamin down to start. The release fisherman’s suplex gets two but Benjamin gets him into the corner for the tag to Haas. Some right hands and a slam set up more right hands but Cena runs him over. The hot(ish) tag brings in Michaels to clean house until Cena tags himself back in. The STFU, with a glare at Michaels, makes Haas tap.

Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade are in next with an atomic drop/big boot combination to take over on Michaels. Murdoch’s slingshot knee gives Cade two and a jumping clothesline is good for the same. The bearhug doesn’t last long as Michaels punches his way out and hits an enziguri. Cena gets the tag and starts to wreck things, including the FU to Murdoch….at least in theory, as Shawn superkicks Murdoch for the pin instead. The cage is lowered and it’s MNM as the third challengers.

We’re joined in progress with Nitro getting two on Cena before grabbing the chinlock. That doesn’t last long as Cena is up in a hurry for another tag back to Michaels. Nitro takes Michaels down as well and it’s time for some choking. A neckbreaker gives Nitro two but the yet to be named Starship Pain misses.

Despite Mercury getting in a cheap shot on Cena, Michaels gets over for the tag anyway and it’s time to clean house. Everything breaks down and it turns into a contest to see who can abuse Mercury worse. Mercury is busted open but Michaels and Cena get into it again, this time over which finisher to use. Nitro gets dropped so it’s a superkick to send Mercury into the FU to retain.

Rating: C. This was little more than a workout for Cena and Michaels, as the other three teams just aren’t close to them. It took about six minutes to beat the first two and then not much more than that to take out MNM. The feud has been doing good things for Cena and Michaels but it has shown how weak the tag division is. Then again, that has been pretty clear for a long time now.

Post match the cage is raised and the other teams come in to go after Michaels and Cena. That’s fine with Cena, who grabs a chair to wreck everyone. Cena teases hitting Michaels but everything is cool and the champs leave everyone laying.

Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

Hold on though as Edge is in street clothes. He would love to come down and beat up Jeff Hardy but he isn’t wrestling in a city with a football team named after a racial slur. Replacement time, as Edge has a friend of Indian descent.

Jeff Hardy vs. Great Khali

Hardy isn’t sure about this but hammers away to no avail. Khali throws him down without much trouble, hits him in the head, and yells a lot. Cue Kane though…..and he has some meat hooks on a chain (his See No Evil weapon) so we’ll call it from here.

Post match Khali runs away from the threat of likely death so Kane uses the hooks to destroy the announcers’ table instead.

Donald Trump wants to know if Vince McMahon’s hair is fake.

Mr. Fuji is going into the Hall of Fame. Other than Billy Gunn and Kofi Kingston, he held a Tag Team Title longer than any man in company history so yeah, he belongs in there.

Mick Foley is proud of his new book, the Hardcore Diaries, and talks about some things he discusses, including Vince McMahon’s lack of creative genius and ECW. Cue Ashley, who offers a copy of Playboy for the book. Foley says he won’t look at the pictures because he can’t look at Ashley that way. As luck would have it, Foley has a page marked in his book about his thoughts on his co-workers in Playboy. He turns around to the open magazine and Ron Simmons comes in for his catchphrase.

We get a Battle of the Billionaires tale of the tape.

Vince is getting his hair ready and reminds the hairdresser that he is bigger than Trump. Coach comes in to praise Vince’s hair but Vince goes on a rant about how Coach’s bald head reminds him too much of Trump.

Melina vs. Torrie Wilson

Non-title. Torrie gets two off a bridging rollup, which has commentary rather approving. Another rollup gets another two as commentary talks about various magazines. Melina fights up but gets knocked down, allowing JR to mention that Torrie is from the potato state of Idaho. That’s enough for Melina, who grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Post match the beatdown stays on until Mickie James runs in for the save, with Victoria right behind her. Melina is left alone so here is Ashley to beat her down instead.

Edge comes up to Vince McMahon in the back and offers to have Rated-RKO take care of Bobby Lashley on ECW. How about tomorrow, Lashley faces Randy Orton? If Orton can’t go though, he should be thrown out of Money in the Bank. Vince is good with that.

Here is Vince McMahon for the contract signing, though first he has to slip on the way into the ring. Vince talks about how Donald Trump won’t be able to get out of this one and brings out Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada of course. There is no Trump though and Vince thinks it is due to cowardice.

The threat of a Billionaire B**** Slap brings out Trump, flanked by Maria and Candice Michelle. Trump: “Vince, your grapefruits are no match for my Trump towers.” He brings out Bobby Lashley (Trump: “Love you Bobby. Do we love Bobby? Do we love Bobby?”) and says these people seem to like him. Vince doesn’t care what the people or celebrities think and they both sign.

Cue Steve Austin to keep the star power and Vince’s panicking going. Austin asks the fans about their picks for the match before telling Trump that he is in his ring. Trump does nothing but tell people they’re fired, but don’t get on Austin’s bad side or he’ll take him out. Trump smirks it off so Austin goes over to Vince to ask about his problem with bald people (as we cut to Lashley and then back to Austin).

Vince isn’t happy so Austin grabs him by the tie and threatens various acts of violence. Austin leaves so Vince recaps everything again before leaving. Hold on though as Trump has something of his own: FAKE PHOTOS OF A BALD VINCE!!! Trump wants to fight Vince right now so Vince gets back in, only to be shoved over the table to end the show. This was the big angle of the night and while things are a bit different in hindsight, they knew what they had here and the money they made on Wrestlemania showed how right they were.

Overall Rating: C. This one is going to depend on how you look at it. While the wrestling itself was nothing memorable whatsoever, they’re in a bit of a unique spot. Wrestlemania is set and there is nothing else that really needs to be added. That means the rest of the time is going to be spent firming things up, hence the 20+ minute main event segment. The show isn’t very good on its own, but as part of the build to Wrestlemania, it worked rather well.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 19, 2007
Location: Rabobank Arena, Bakersfield, California
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with No Way Out and that means we have less than six weeks to go before Wrestlemania XXIII. The main events are set but we still need a bit more of the card to come together. That means we could be in for something good tonight, which will likely not include another appearance from Donald Trump. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a barber’s chair and barber shop pole in the ring (which is thankfully minus any windows). Vince McMahon comes out to say the Battle of the Billionaires is ready on and he can’t believe it. Donald Trump is going to come into his most prized creation, where Vince’s representative is going to beat him. Then McMahon is going to go over and beat Trump up, so that he can tell Trump that it’s time to be bald.

The good thing is that being bald is en vogue right now, so we look at Brittney Spears with her shaved head. Vince talks about the various haircuts he might give Trump, which means we get a McMahon favorite: WACKY PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES!!! Anyway, Vince wants us to meet his personal representative, so here is Umaga. Armando Alejandro Estrada talks about how Umaga is happy to be Vince’s representative, but Vince isn’t done. Right now, Umaga is going to become…..the Intercontinental Champion!

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga is challenging and we are joined in progress with Hardy sending Umaga outside. The baseball slide through the ropes staggers Umaga but the slingshot dive is pulled out of the air. That’s escaped as well so Hardy runs the barricade, only to have his dive knocked away with ease.

They head back in where Umaga drops a leg and we hit the nerve hold as Lawler talks about how horrible it is to have your head shaved. Hardy manages to avoid the charge in the corner so Umaga’s head slams into the post. The Whisper in the Wind gets two but Umaga catches him with the Samoan drop. The running hip attack in the corner sets up the Samoan Spike to give Umaga the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Hardy was the sacrificial lamb here and that’s all he was supposed to be. They needed to make Umaga look like a bigger deal going into his huge Wrestlemania match so putting him over a popular star like Hardy makes sense. Umaga winning the title is hardly some big upset so go with the right move here and everyone wins. Well maybe not Hardy.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito and Flair, the latter of whom takes over on Cade’s arm to start. Carlito comes in for the springboard elbow to the face and the running knee lift. A distraction lets Cade hit a Side Effect though and Murdoch comes in to hammer away. The villains take turns stomping away and we hit the neck crank on Carlito.

A back elbow to the face puts him down again but Murdoch misses an elbow. It’s back to Flair for the rapid fire chops and right hands, setting up the chop block. The Figure Four is paused so Flair can punch Cade out of the air, allowing Carlito to come in for a double clothesline to the floor. Flair hits Murdoch low and the Backstabber gives Carlito the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match here as Carlito and Flair are starting the mentor/mentee deal. Granted it might be a bit better if it was anyone but Carlito, though at least they have something going on here. I’m not sure how far this is going to go, but Flair in a midcard role to give Carlito a rub is going to work out well enough.

John Cena and Shawn Michaels are happy they won last night but Shawn’s goal is still to keep Cena safe until Wrestlemania. Violence is teased….but Shawn plugs the new DX DVD instead. Cena counters with the unrated version of the Marine DVD. They brag about their DVDs until Big Dick Johnson comes in to dance. Shawn superkicks him, earning a thank you from Cena.

Rated-RKO is getting a Tag Team Title shot next week and Randy Orton is ready to destroy John Cena tonight. Edge is more excited about Money in the Bank so he better go qualify.

We look at Edge winning Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania XXI.

We look at Rob Van Dam winning Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania XXII.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Edge vs. Rob Van Dam

Edge’s wristlock doesn’t get him very far to start as Van Dam slips away and hits the finger pointing. Some kicks put Edge into the corner for the monkey flip and it’s time to go to the floor for a break. Back with Van Dam working on an armbar and then cranking back on said arm for two. Rob knocks him outside and hits the spinning kick to the back over the barricade.

Edge is rocked but he is fine enough to come back with a hanging swinging neckbreaker. It’s Rob in trouble for the first time and Edge goes really evil by mocking the finger point. Dude, gimmick infringement is never cool. The chinlock goes on until Rob kicks him in the head for the break and there’s the running spinwheel kick in the corner. Rolling Thunder is loaded up but Edge reverses into a powerslam in a nice counter.

Edge crotches him on top but the superplex attempt is broken up with another crotching. Rob kicks him to the floor and follows with a nice dive. Back in and Edge dropkicks him out of the air for two, only to have the spear hit the corner. The split legged moonsault gives Van Dam two more and there’s the step over kick to the face. The Five Star is loaded up but Randy Orton comes out for the distraction, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the pin.

Rating: B-. These two were having a heck of a match and I was getting into the back and forth stuff to the point where the Orton interference surprised me. Edge winning is fine and it makes sense to push a Raw star over one of the only ECW stars, so go with what makes the most sense in a pretty big match. The fact that it was good made it even better.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina is challenging and even JR is half drooling over the two of them. They fight over a lockup to start with neither being able to get very far. Mickie takes her down by the hair and hits a basement dropkick to send Melina outside. The baseball slide is cut off and Mickie is sent into the barricade for a crash.

Back in and Melina throws her down by the hair before tying up the legs. That goes nowhere as Mickie sweeps the legs and hammers away, followed by some hair tosses. The Thesz press lets Mickie hammer away even more but Melina grabs the ropes to counter a hurricanrana. Mickie lands HARD on her head, allowing Melina to grab a jackknife cover for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. That felt like an injury ending and if that is the case, good for them for wrapping up the match as soon as they did. It was a nasty landing and the medics checking on Mickie after the match was hardly surprising. Melina winning the title makes sense as she has been the biggest star in the division as of late so let her run with the thing.

Post match Mickie is checked on while the paparazzi swarm Melina.

Post break, Mickie doesn’t want to talk about what happened and slaps Todd Grisham for not getting it.

Great Khali vs. Highlanders

Khali knocks both of them around like he’s the Great Khali and they’re the Highlanders and the chop puts Rory on the floor. Robbie gets chokeslammed for the pin with a boot on the chest.

Some of the cast of Grindhouse is here.

We look back at the opening sequence and the HILARIOUS Trump photos. There was a Mr. T. and Hulk Hogan version for Wrestlemania flavor.

Kenny Dykstra is asking Coach for more competition but Great Khali comes in to scare Kenny off. Khali wants better competition and Coach agrees. That’s enough for Khali to leave, so here is Ron Simmons for a subdued catchphrase.

Ashley revealed her Playboy cover on Smackdown.

Melina is happy to have won the title but she wants to know why Ashley is getting all of the attention. Do you know how many times she has turned Playboy down?

Mr. Perfect is going into the Hall of Fame, as he should. We get a montage of Perfect being amazing at sports, which it turns out he could do, but not when the camera was on. The solution? Lie to him about the camera being on.

Wrestlemania Recall: Wrestlemania I.

Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Non-title. Orton drives him into the corner to start and stomps him down without much effort. Cena is right back with the release fisherman’s suplex for two, with JR connecting the bridges and calling it a near PerfectPlex. A slam and elbow get two on Orton but Cena misses a charge and gets clotheslined down for the same. It doesn’t seem to bother Cena, who is right back with a bulldog to send Orton outside. Back in and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down for a breather. Orton rolls outside again and grabs a chair as we take a break.

Back with Cena missing the shoulder and Orton hits the hanging DDT. Orton hammers him down in the corner and it’s time for the circle stomp. The big knee drop gets two and we hit the rare standing chinlock. Make that the seated chinlock but Cena powers out, only to get punched in the face. Cena makes the clothesline comeback and it’s the Throwback into the Shuffle. Orton rakes his eyes to escape the FU and there’s a dropkick to put Cena down again. The high crossbody connects but Cena rolls through for two. Orton is back with the backbreaker but the RKO is shoved away. The FU is loaded up again, drawing in Edge for the DQ.

Rating: B-. It’s so weird to see this as a fresh match but these two do work well together. You can see them doing their things and setting up their big stuff but neither of them could get that far ahead. Edge running in for the DQ wasn’t the biggest surprise after Orton ran out earlier, but they were having another good match on the way there.

Post match the Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn Michaels runs in for the save. Shawn grabs the chair and teases hitting Cena but throws it down instead. Shawn: “Not this time.” A tease of a superkick ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show started slowly but picked up near the end, which is always nice to see. You can feel the Wrestlemania build coming and that is a nice feeling, as they are getting the big pieces in place early. Money in the Bank is going to give some other people something to do and the rest of the card can fill itself out. Good enough show here, as the Road to Wrestlemania is starting to come together.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 8, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after New Year’s Revolution and things have changed a bit. That bit would be HHH tearing his quadricep again during the DX vs. Rated-RKO tag match. Odds are that is going to shake up a good amount of the show as we head towards Wrestlemania. Other than that, John Cena retained the World Title over Umaga with a quick rollup. We’re less than a month away from the Royal Rumble too so let’s get to it.

Here is New Year’s Revolution if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the DX vs. Rated-RKO tag match, with HHH blowing out his leg but managing to beat up Rated-RKO after the match anyway.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell. The sighing is going to be strong with this one.

Here is John Cena to get thing going. After taking a few moments, Cena quietly says the champ is here. Cena: “You know what really yanks my noodle?” Before Cena left the building last night, Armando Alejandro Estrada was on WWE.com saying Umaga lost in a fluke. Last night, Cena took a beating for thirty minutes (17:20 by my notes) but he doesn’t know what Estrada means by a fluke. Cena is thinking about giving Umaga a rematch tonight but that might be the concussion talking.

Since this is where Cena made his Raw debut, he polls the fans on said rematch taking place. Cue Coach instead, and tonight Umaga is getting the night off. Cena doesn’t buy that and is expecting to be jumped on he way to the car or in the….Cena: “Never mind.”. Coach doesn’t like Cena’s attitude but he has an idea for tonight. See, contracts expire, so Cena can face Raw’s newest acquisition. Cue the Great Khali for the staredown but Coach backs the monster off.

Video on Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump, as they have been feuding in the media for a good while. Sounds like wrestling time to me.

Vince McMahon talks about how there are matches which reshape the wrestling world, such as Sammartino vs. Graham, Hogan vs. Andre and Austin vs. The Rock. Tonight, it’s “the Brash Billionaire vs. the Left Leaning Lesbian!”. Vince has a cake and here is “Rosie” (played by indy wrestler Kiley McLean, who ever did anything) to be rather annoying. She’s happy with the cake (Rosie: “It’s my fudgey!”), which she thinks could have been colder. Vince: “You are what you eat.” She’ll devour Trump tonight too. This is dumber than it sounds, though I’m sure those TNA chants are just a figment of Vince’s imagination.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Kenny Dykstra

Jeff is defending and banged up from the cage match last night. Dykstra hammers him in the back but Jeff is right back with the slingshot dropkick in the corner. That’s enough to send Dykstra to the floor for a dive off the apron and we take a break. Back with Dykstra hitting a neckbreaker and a pair of clotheslines for one. A jumping back elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock. Jeff fights up for the Whisper in the Wind and a kick to the chest takes Dykstra out of the air. Cue Johnny Nitro to yell at Jeff but Ric Flair comes in to low blow Dykstra. The Twist of Fate and Swanton retain the title.

Rating: C-. That should set up a tag match as Flair vs. Dykstra continues. The match wasn’t much to see but for a pretty quick TV title defense, it worked out well. Dykstra continues to be a mostly average heel but Hardy getting a win should be fine. I’m not sure how much Hardy vs. Nitro needs to continue, but the matches, both singles and tags, should be good.

Rosie, with a muffin, likes the idea of going into the Divas locker room.

Earlier today, HHH went to see Dr. James Andrews and the surgery is tomorrow. He’s going to be out 4-6 months.

Rosie shows Maria and Candice Michelle vacation photos while looking at various parts of them. After Rosie leaves, Maria thinks Rosie liked her outfit. Candice agrees, though at least she seems to get it. This is the beat you over the head with the joke portion of the show.

Video on Great Khali being a monster.

Great Khali says….I’m assuming something about John Cena.

More on Rosie vs. Trump.

Victoria/Melina vs. Maria/Mickie James

Mickie takes Melina down by the arm to start and it’s off to Maria for the Bronco Buster. Maria gets taken into the corner so Victoria can beat her up a bit. Melina grabs a headscissors on the mat and a double hair takedown drops Maria again. Mickie dives onto Victoria but Melina runs the corner with a bulldog (the Extreme Makeover) to finish Maria.

“Trump”, played by Ace Steel, gets his hair ready.

Wrestlemania Recall: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. This is missing from Peacock for some reason.

Vince McMahon comes out to introduce the real main event, including Rosie O’Donnell with “all her lesbianic fury.”

Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump

Let’s get this over with. They talk trash to each other, mainly about food, and the referee actually gives instructions. The bell rings and Rosie has to go outside for some more fudge cake. The booing starts in a hurry and Trump gets shoved down into the corner. Trump takes his jacket off as the fans think this match sucks. Rosie shoulders him down and then does it again, followed by a Thesz press.

The fans find it boring and Rosie does the Hogan hand to the ear, drawing some TNA chants. Trump gets sent head first into the buckle but the hair blocks the impact. A headbutt sets up a failed slam attempt and Rosie falls on top for two. Trump goes outside to pick up the cake (Trump: “Come on fatty!”) and pushes it into Rosie’s face. The middle rope hairbutt (yes hairbutt) gives Trump the pin.

Rating: F. I’m not going to waste your time explaining why this wasn’t funny or how badly the fat/lesbian jokes come off because those things are obvious. This was WAY before Trump gained the reputation he has today and was still just little more than a punchline in wrestling, making this one of the more goofy topical things that Raw did. That’s not why this is an F though.

The F is for Federline, who did the celebrity deal SO much better last week. Federline was a punchline at this point and it made sense that people wanted to see him get beaten up. After Federline messed with Cena a few times, Cena destroyed him and stood tall with Federline (mostly) never being seen again. Federline was a fine heel and the whole thing wound up working.

This wasn’t funny, it wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t smart and it wasn’t anything original. This was “hey these two don’t like each other so here’s a long segment saying that this is a thing that exists”. What’s the joke here? Trump has hair and Rosie likes cake? Those are the most tired, worn out punchlines for these two as you could ask for and they aren’t clever. This was going for the easiest joke in the world with no effort put in and two celebrities who couldn’t shut up about each other being a thing in the news. Terrible stuff and one of the biggest wastes of time Raw has ever seen.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Rematch from last night where Masters won. Carlito starts fast with a crossbody but Masters takes him into the corner and stomps away. Cue Torrie Wilson with the dog as Masters whips Carlito into various corners to set up a clothesline. The bearhug is broken up with some elbows so Masters grabs a powerslam for two. That means the bearhug can go on again but Carlito breaks it up again. This time it’s broken up with Masters being sent to the apron, where Torrie hits him with the bell. The Backstabber gives Carlito the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here with nothing going on that we haven’t seen a bunch of times before. Carlito vs. Masters isn’t exactly a thrilling feud but it keeps going on time after time. Torrie interfering to cost Masters the win makes sense here, though unfortunately it is probably going to set up another match between them. The fact that the previous ones weren’t all that great doesn’t make it any better but that’s Raw for you.

More from DX vs. Rated-RKO.

Here is Rated-RKO, with Edge limping and Randy Orton in a neck brace. We see a clip of HHH promising to destroy Rated-RKO, with Orton saying DX kept their word. Last night though, Edge promised to end DX, which Orton says was like losing a battle to win a war. They spilled a lot of blood, but HHH tore his quadricep. Last night, they took out DX, like no one else could.

Edge talks about the people who tried and failed to take out DX (Edge:” Spirit Squad? Please.”) but they did it. Well half of it, because next week, they are facing Shawn Michaels in a handicap match. Next week, they pull the plug, and DX is finally dead. Cue Shawn to say this might be the end of DX because his best friend is undergoing surgery tomorrow. Shawn is going to be there, and then he’ll deal with Rated-RKO. Kind of a weak segment, but they had to throw everything out on a day’s notice.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Cryme Tyme

Shad headlocks Cade to start but gets double teamed down as we hear about how Rosie wore a watch in their match. The beatdown is on until Shad powers his way over to the corner for the hot tag to JTG. That means house can be cleaned, including a dropkick into a backdrop into a missile dropkick. The turnbuckle pad gets pulled off somewhere in there and Shad sends Murdoch into the steel to give JTG the pin.

Rating: D+. Another not too great match here with Cryme Tyme establishing pretty much the same thing that they did last night. It can help to have them get another win, but at some point they need to have a match that actually matters. Not the worst match, but it felt like a way to fill five minutes.

This Week In WWE History: Raw debuts. That’s worth a mention.

More Rosie vs. Trump clips. We’ve suffered enough, though hearing the TNA chants again helps. JR: “A man covering Rosie! Imagine that!” Screw off with that Vince line straight into JR’s ear.

Rosie is crying so Ron Simmons comes up for the catchphrase. She cries more.

Jerry Lawler interviews Vladimir Kozlov, who thinks Rosie vs. Trump was funny. Oh and he can beat John Cena and Great Khali.

Eugene is excited for the main event but gets scared of Khali.

John Cena vs. Great Khali

Non-title and Armando Alejandro Estrada is on commentary. Cena circles around and gets in a right hand but is knocked outside in a hurry. Back in and Cena’s running forearm to the chest has no effect. Instead, Khali hits an elbow in the corner as Estrada grabs a chair. Cena takes said chair and blasts Khali for the fast DQ.

Post match, Khali chops Cena down without a problem. Khali leaves and here is Umaga to destroy Cena again to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Yeah this was pretty horrible, with the show being centered around one of the dumber ideas that the company has done in a good while. The main idea was just horrible and the rest of the show wasn’t much better, leaving the show as quite the mess. The only important thing set up was Umaga vs. Cena II, with the Royal Rumble not being mentioned. This was all about Rosie vs. Trump though, and that is all but a guaranteed way to waste a week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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New Year’s Revolution 2007
Date: January 7, 2007
Location: Kemper Memorial Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first pay per view of the year with Raw running the annual early January show. This time around we have a double main event of John Cena defending the Raw World Title against the undefeated Umaga and a pretty big grudge match between D-Generation X and Rated-RKO, winner gets the exclusive hyphen rights. Let’s get to it.

The cage is lowered for the opening.

Opening sequence, featuring a look at the double main event and nothing else. That is probably a good idea.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

In a cage and Nitro, with Melina, is challenging. Nitro starts fast by hammering him around the ring early on and Hardy gets pounded down in the corner. Hardy is back with some right hands but a belly to back faceplant puts him down again. The Flying Chuck gets two on Hardy, who scores with the flying clothesline/half Sling Blade. The mule kick drops Nitro again but a Stunner over the top rope cuts Hardy off. Nitro drives him into the cage (first time it has been used so far) but Jeff is right back to cut off a climb attempt.

A dropkick sends Nitro back first into the cage and they both crash down. Hardy can’t get out yet, despite a heck of a jump to the top of the cage. Nitro belly to back superplexes him right back down but Hardy is back with a catapult into the cage. They both go up to the top and it’s a super Russian legsweep to bring them both back down. Hardy goes up so Nitro climbs onto him for the save, setting up a sunset bomb for another double knockdown. Nitro is up first and tries to climb out so Hardy pulls him…not down as Nitro has his legs tied in the cage, meaning Jeff crashes hard.

Since that is rather painful, Nitro comes back down and Jeff reaches for the cage, only to have Melina whip the wall with her belt. A missile dropkick puts Hardy down again but he counters a high crossbody into….something, but it puts them both down. It’s Nitro up first but Hardy pulls him over the top, only to have a super Twist of Fate broken up. Nitro starts climbing out as Hardy goes for the door, meaning Nitro climbs around to the door to stop him instead of, you know, jumping down. Melina blocks the door as a bonus, so Hardy kicks it open, crotching Nitro on the top in the process, and retains.

Rating: B-. This was built around the idea of two people going up and then crashing back down a lot, which is where Hardy excels. The ending was clever too so it was a pretty good way to go about the title match. It’s a smart choice for an opener as anyone can get into the idea of a cage match, especially between some people as talented as these two.

Rated-RKO can’t believe that they are being asked about how their issues with DX became personal. They have busted DX open and now they are fighting for their futures. Tonight, they’re finishing DX.

Tag Team Turmoil

Bonus match for the #1 contendership. The Highlanders are in at #1 and Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin are in at #2 to get things going. Rory and Haas start things off with neither getting very far, meaning it’s off to Robbie instead. Haas gets taken into the corner but Rory misses a charge in the corner, allowing the villains to take over. Benjamin gets to hit the jumping dive onto Rory’s back and Haas adds a slam onto the back for two.

The chinlock goes on but Shelton’s legs go off on a slam, allowing Rory to fall on top for two. Robbie comes in and gets to clean some house, including a belly to back suplex to Haas. Benjamin rakes Robbie’s eyes on top though and a top rope superplex is good for the pin. Jim Duggan/Super Crazy is in at #3 (much to commentary’s shock) with Duggan hammering and clotheslining Benjamin.

A running knee lift takes Duggan back down and the beating is on in the corner. Duggan hits the three point clothesline for a breather though and the hot tag brings in Crazy to pick up the pace. Crazy hits a basement dropkick on Haas but Benjamin hits a cheap shot from the floor, allowing Haas to grab a bridging German suplex for the pin. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch are in at #4 with Cade slamming Benjamin in a hurry.

An atomic drop sets up Murdoch’s big boot and the neck crank goes on. A neckbreaker finally gets Benjamin out of trouble and it’s back to Haas to (barely) pick up the pace. Haas flapjacks Murdoch to set up the Haas of Pain (an underrated hold) but Cade breaks it up, allowing Murdoch to steal the pin. Cryme Tyme is in at #5 as JR tries to figure out if there are any more teams left on the Raw roster. Given that we had one new team thrown in, that means the division is four teams, plus the champs who are barely involved with the rest of the teams.

Shad hammers Cade down to start but JTG dances a bit too long, allowing Murdoch to come back in. Commentary confirms that these are the last two teams and Murdoch elbows JTG down. Some choking with the tag rope keeps JTG in trouble but Murdoch dives into a raised boot. Cade breaks up the hot tag though because this match needs to keep going. JTG finally slides out of a double suplex though and it’s the hot tag to Shad so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and the G9 hits Cade to give Shad the pin.

Rating: D. This was long, not very interesting and showed how lame the tag division is at the moment. Cryme Tyme was the only option to win here and it could be a good Tag Team Title match, but this really did not need to go almost twenty minutes. Pretty bad match here, but much more boring than bad, which is even worse.

Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman are in the back with Vince complaining about how much Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump have been yelling at each other as of late. Coach thinks it sounds like something coming out of the WWE. Vince: “It sounds like something coming out of the WWE.” Therefore, we need to resolve it with physical abuse, meaning we can have a match between the two of them on Raw. Oh here we go. Coach is also glad that Vince has taken back YOU’RE FIRED and goes on about it so long that Vince leaves. Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

Dykstra comes out in a Flair style robe. Before the match, he talks about knowing that Flair got hit with a Conchairto on Raw but just because Flair saying that he is “still recovering” is no excuse to not come out here and take his beating. Cue Flair in the pink robe and we’re ready to go. Commentary talks about how much Flair had accomplished by the time Kenny was born (four World Titles) as Dykstra hits the strut to start. A dropkick puts Flair down for an early two and there’s a fist drop to keep him in trouble.

Flair is right back with the chops and shots to the face, including a big chop to put Kenny on the floor. That’s too much waiting for Flair so he follows Kenny out, only to get suplexed for a hard landing. Back in and another suplex gives Kenny two, followed by a strutting elbow for the same. Kenny grabs a Boston crab to draw some screaming but Flair (very) eventually makes the rope.

Flair chops his way out of the corner but Kenny knocks him right back down. Kenny’s Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Flair unloads in the corner. For some reason Flair goes up top but gets slammed back down. A poke to the eye gives Flair a breather though and it’s time for some chop blocks. There’s a knee to the head and a step between the legs, setting up the Figure Four. Flair even gets in some slaps but Kenny finally makes the rope. They slug it out in the corner until Kenny gets in a quick low blow, setting up the small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. Much like the previous match, this wasn’t the most interesting match because Dykstra isn’t exactly thrilling to see most of the time. They’re playing up the idea that Flair doesn’t have it anymore, but the head injury wasn’t a factor and it was mainly Flair getting beaten up for ten minutes. I’ll give them points for trying with Kenny though, as they could use some fresh talent.

Melina checks on Johnny Nitro in the trainer’s room. Nitro says to call Joey Mercury because the Hardys are going to pay for what they did. Melina goes to make the call but runs into Victoria, who says Melina is the one Diva missing from her list. That’s because they can be a team who can take over the women’s division. If Melina helps her win the Women’s Title tonight, Melina can have the first title shot.

We recap Victoria’s hit list, setting up her title shot tonight.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Mickie James

Victoria is challenging and shoves Mickie down without much effort to start. Something like a Muta Lock has Mickie in trouble and Victoria shows off a bit by backflipping onto her feet. Mickie is back up with some armdrags into a dropkick for two but the hurricanrana out of the corner is broken up. Instead Victoria kicks her to the floor for a drop onto the apron. Back in and a hair toss gives Victoria two but she misses a moonsault.

Mickie slugs away for two and grabs a hurricanrana out of the corner. Cue Melina to check on Victoria so Mickie hits her in the face. The MickieDT is broken up by a Melina distraction. Cue Maria and Candice Michelle to take care of Melina as Mickie reverses the Widow’s Peak into a sunset flip for two. Mickie counters a slam into a tornado DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess and the ending didn’t make it much better. The problem here was that there wasn’t much of a reason to believe that Victoria was winning the title, even though she pinned Mickie a few weeks ago. Then you throw in the interference, which was hardly interesting either. Not terrible, but this show is needing a big pick up and this wasn’t it.

Post match Mickie, Candice, Maria and Lilian Garcia (who Victoria went after as well) celebrate.

We recap Rated-RKO vs. D-Generation X, which somehow is focused almost entirely on Ric Flair. Rated-RKO took Flair out and since DX are basically Flair’s kids, it’s time for some revenge. DX got beaten down as well though, even if that doesn’t make it quite as personal as the Flair stuff.

Tag Team Titles: Rated-RKO vs. D-Generation X

Rated-RKO is defending. Before the match, HHH uses his weird frosted cereal analogy and it still doesn’t quite work. The brawl starts in the aisle, as it should have in a feud this violent. HHH backdrops Edge onto the ramp and throws him inside for the bell and some right hands from Shawn. It’s already off to HHH to stomp away and sends Edge face first into the corner but Shawn misses a charge into the post. Orton gets to come in and hammer away in the corner, only to get snapmared down for a stomp to the face.

There’s an elbow on the apron from HHH and a legdrop from Shawn as the beating continues. Orton is a bit cut open so DX takes turns hammering away at the head. Edge’s cheap shot from the apron cuts HHH off though and the champs take over for the first time. HHH’s leg is wrapped around the post but he kicks a Figure Four attempt away to send Edge shoulder first into the post. The hot tag brings in Shawn to clean house and there’s the big dive to the floor to take out Edge and Orton.

They head back in, with Edge spearing Shawn off the apron and back to the floor. Orton gets in a belt shot to Shawn to bust him open as well (and much worse than Orton) and Edge is right there to hammer on the cut. Back in and Orton hits the rapid fire circle stomp for two and it’s off to Edge again for more right hands to the head. Orton forearms away at the back and strikes a pose, followed by some raking of the eyes. The double arm crank goes on but Shawn fights up for a suplex.

Edge hits a big boot though and it’s Orton coming back in to load up the RKO. Since that takes the better part of ever, Shawn shoves it away and it’s a double tag to bring in Edge and HHH. House is cleaned and there’s a facebuster into a clothesline to send Edge outside. The spinebuster hits Orton….and HHH has torn his quad again (meaning he’ll be gone until Summerslam). He is still able to hit (most of) a spinebuster on Edge for two but Orton hits an RKO (or as close as HHH can get to taking one).

Shawn superkicks Orton down and Edge covers HHH for two. Back up the spear hits corner, allowing HHH to hit a better than expected Pedigree. That seems to be all he had left though as he can’t really cover, with Orton making a save. Shawn sends Orton outside for a dive and hits the referee, followed by a pair of nasty chair shots. HHH gets a chair of his own as Orton is WAY busted open. DX unloads with chair shots and stands tall as the match is thrown out.

Rating: B. HHH managing to fight through the ending alone is worth a bonus as that is one of the more impressive things I’ve seen in a good bit. It was a good match leading up to the injury and then they kept it moving even after that. With the ending being the perfect way to keep things going and get out of a bad situation. HHH was impressive here but it’s a shame that he is going to be gone for so long.

Post match (Maybe?) it’s a Pedigree to put Edge onto (not through) the announcers’ table and Shawn’s elbow puts Orton through another announcers’ table.

John Cena is told that it is clear Umaga wants some, but will he get some. Cena does his movie trailer/hype man impression and manages to mock Umaga’s lack of English at the same time. Thankfully Cena gets serious and admits that he is up against a monster who has not been pinned or made to submit. He isn’t going to give up though because he is proud to call himself the WWE Champion. Umaga is undefeated but nothing lasts forever and nothing is stopping him from leaving as WWE Champion.

Orton’s blood is EVERYWHERE, with a pool of it laying on the floor.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito. Masters bails into the corner to start so Carlito takes him down and hammers away with left hands. A backdrop gets Masters out of trouble but Carlito is right back with a shot to the face. The double springboard moonsault gives Carlito two but Masters throws him down with one arm. A backbreaker into a clothesline gets two on Carlito and Masters asks if he is trying to impress Torrie. Back up and Carlito hits a knee lift into a flapjack for two so Masters tries the Masterlock. That’s blocked as well but the counter is countered into a cradle (with trunks) to give Masters the pin.

Rating: C-. Another Raw level match here and that is not what the show needed. Masters and Carlito are not the most interesting people in the first place and now we get to see them having a pay per view match in the cool down spot. That isn’t exactly thrilling and I was hoping that they would get on with it already.

Post match Masters knocks Carlito out with the Masterlock.

We recap Umaga vs. John Cena for the Raw World Title. Umaga is an undefeated monster so he is getting a title shot. Before we get there, Umaga beat Cena up a few times but Cena isn’t backing down.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Umaga is challenging and has Armando Alejandro Estrada in his corner. We’re ready to go after the Big Match Intros with Cena sticking and moving to start. A missed charge to the floor does a bit more damage but Cena goes after him again and gets tossed outside. Back in and Cena gets up an elbow and boot in the corner, earning himself a hard clothesline. Cena hammers away with right hands but gets taken down with a Samoan drop.

Umaga knocks him face first into the announcers’ table and then the barricade for a bonus. Back in and Cena can’t sunset flip or slam him, with Umaga falling on top for two on the latter. A legdrop gets two but Umaga misses a charge, allowing Cena to go up. The high crossbody is countered into the swinging release Rock Bottom for two as Umaga keeps the pace slow. Umaga sits down on Cena’s chest as JR compares him to Yokozuna. Another cannonball lands on raised knees but Umaga sends him outside without much effort.

The nerve holds keeps Cena in trouble and an elbow to the face drops him again. The middle rope Samoan Spike only hits mat though and Cena wins the slugout. Cena sends him head first into the post and the ProtoBomb drops Umaga again. Umaga is back with the belly to belly and hangs Cena in the Tree of Woe for the flying headbutt. The running Umaga Attack hits boots though and Cena grabs a rollup out of nowhere to retain the title.

Rating: B-. I really liked the finish here as it felt like the most out of nowhere finish they could have had. That’s also the smartest finish they could have had, as it would have been a bit waste to have Umaga go down to the FU. Umaga completely dominated here but got caught instead of getting beaten. That’s a perfect way to set up a rematch and I’d be down for another one. What they did worked well, even if it wasn’t a great match on the way there.

Post match Cena celebrates as Umaga breaks a lot of stuff to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The two major matches helped a lot but this was one of the most lifeless shows that I have seen in a very long time. It just wasn’t a very entertaining show with most of the matches being more boring than bad. There wasn’t much on here that felt pay per view worthy and while the two big matches worked, they didn’t work enough to make up for the rest of the show.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 1, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,169
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first show of the year, along with being the go home show for New Year’s Revolution. That means things are going to pick up in a hurry, so we’ll start with….the Kevin Federline match. The best thing we can hope for here is that it is over in a hurry so we can move on to anything else, as the fifteen minutes have to be long past up. Let’s get to it.

Here are the most recent results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Kevin Federline. He has been a good celebrity but egads it feels bottom of the barrel.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Kevin Federline

Non-title and they aren’t wasting time with this one. Federline comes out in a boxing robe and announces that Jonathan Coachman has made this No DQ. Therefore, here is Johnny Nitro to be in Federline’s corner, which does make sense. Nitro gives Federline his mouthpiece but hang on again as Federline has to put on his gloves. Hang on again as Federline needs some headgear and NOW we’re ready to go.

Federline’s headlock is broken as quickly as you would expect so there go the gloves. Hang on again though as Federline has an idea: let’s make this a Masterlock Challenge! Cena has a seat in the chair but Federline changes his mind. Instead it’s a test of strength….with Federline pulling him into a cross armbreaker of all things. That’s countered into a powerbomb but Nitro comes in, allowing Federline to hit a low blow. Cue Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada to beat Cena down, including a belt shot, to give Federline the cocky pin.

Rating: C. Yeah this was completely fine and nothing unexpected. Federline did a bunch of the classic hits here and that is all it needed to be. This was MUCH better than having Federline try to work a match and it added some heat to Sunday’s title match. There was no need to try anything more complicated and this could have been much, much worse.

Post break, Maria tries to talk to Federline but Melina isn’t having any of that. Melina isn’t having any of that because Maria called him K-Fed. Instead they can have a match later, but Melina gives her a slap for a preview.

DX talks strategy in the back, I’m guessing for a chess tournament.

We go to Kevin Federline’s celebration, complete with Johnny Nitro, Melina and a bunch of women. Coach comes in to make a four on one handicap match with John Cena facing Armando Alejandro Estrada, Umaga, Nitro and….Coach himself. Of note: Coach reminds us that Nitro has an Intercontinental Title shot at the pay per view, which has been mostly forgotten since the match was announced.

Some members of the Miami Heat, including Shaquille O’Neal, are here.

Cryme Tyme/Highlanders vs. Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cryme Tyme says hi to Shaq during the entrances. Cade charges into Rory’s elbow in the corner to start so JTG comes in to dance around a bit. That earns him a kick to the ribs and Haas comes in for a butterfly suplex. Benjamin and Murdoch don’t seem to be on the same page so Cade drops a leg instead. A missed middle rope elbow gives JTG a breather and the hot tag brings in Shad to slug away. Shad’s belly to back suplex gets two and everything breaks down. A jawbreaker sends Murdoch into the ropes with JTG snapping the back of his neck over the top for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but Cryme Tyme getting another pin is a good idea. Above all else, the tag team division needs some fresh teams and Cryme Tyme has been built up rather well. The rest of the teams are just kind of there, though Haas and Benjamin should take all of eighteen seconds to reheat if needed.

Wrestlemania Recall: the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling.

Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Conway

Non-title. Before the match, Conway says that he is sick of losing around here and if he loses again, he’s done with Raw. Conway then loses in about 20 seconds to a sunset flip in his last televised match in WWE.

Post match Conway is still in the ring and here is Vince McMahon for a chat. Vince talks about how many people break their New Year’s resolution, just like Conway already did. He isn’t breaking his though, which includes not being nice and letting people take advantage of him. That means he isn’t going to be like his good friend Donald Trump, who is having trouble with Rosie O’Donnell, who he refers to as Yokozuna. Speaking of Trump, Vince doesn’t like him stealing his catchphrase, so Conway is FIRED.

Kenny Dykstra says Ric Flair offering a handshake wasn’t about Flair, but about himself. They say deaths come in threes, but tonight he’s going to make it four: James Brown, Gerald Ford, Saddaam Hussein and Ric Flair’s career.

We look at Rated-RKO attacking Ric Flair a few weeks ago, leading to DX wanting revenge. Then Rated-RKO destroyed DX on the last Raw of the year.

Here is DX for a chat and they seem rather chipper despite being taken out two weeks ago. Shawn says he can’t pretend what he just saw didn’t happen but they are out of competition. They have beaten a bunch of people who are either gone or jerking the curtain somewhere else. Now they have Rated-RKO show up and finally you have two guys who have a set. Then they took out Ric Flair and beat him within an inch of his life. They one upped themselves by laying out DX, which is someone no one has ever done before.

That’s why the violence is coming at New Year’s Revolution. HHH says Rated-RKO thinks they have them in the palm of their hands, but remember when Vince McMahon thought that? It’s because DX is like…..Frosted Mini Wheats? They have two sides: the sweet and sugary side (Shawn: “I like the sugary side!”) and the other side, who is going to make Rated-RKO bleed. This was some weird mix of goofy and serious and it only kind of worked.

Melina vs. Maria

Melina is in workout gear for some reason and Victoria comes out for commentary. Maria knocks her into the corner to start and hammers away as the catfight is on. Victoria rants on the lack of spots because of people like Mickie James as Melina snaps Maria’s neck across the top. Maria gets a boot up in the corner and hammers away as Victoria wants her to just go back to the beach already. A rollup goes badly for Melina so she stacks Maria up (with nothing in between) for the pin.

Post match Victoria goes after Lilian Garcia but Mickie James runs out for the save.

Video on Tribute to the Troops, set to a Goo Goo Dolls song.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Kenny Dykstra/Chris Masters

Torrie Wilson is here with the good ones. JR: “Now Kenny has a last name. And a hometown!” Masters tags Kenny in rather than facing Carlito (the hair is frightening) but comes in after Kenny takes him down. It’s quickly off to Flair for a chop block to Masters but Kenny breaks up the Figure Four in a hurry. We take a break and come back with Masters taking Carlito into the corner and Kenny grabbing the chinlock. It’s back to Masters for some chops in the corner and a chinlock of his own.

There’s a gorilla press for two but Carlito is back up with a springboard elbow to the face. Kenny is smart enough to go outside and knock Flair off the apron, leaving Carlito to get Masterlocked. Flair comes back in for the save as everything breaks down. The hot tag brings Flair back in to chop away but Masters clotheslines him down. Carlito and Masters fight to the floor as Kenny sends Flair into the buckle and grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: C-. Pretty basic match here, though the ending didn’t exactly do much for anyone. Above all else, it continues the Kenny push and it is only working so well. The fact that JR is mocking him for getting a last name and a hometown should tell you everything there is to know about his development. Kenny needed to go away for a long time to get rid of the Spirit Squad aura, but this isn’t a complete disaster yet.

Post match Flair says this isn’t over but here is Rated-RKO to take Flair out, including another Conchairto. I’m guessing DX stepped out for stroganoff. Flair is checked on, and after a break, he is still being checked on.

New Year’s Revolution rundown, including Kenny vs. Flair and Carlito vs. Masters.

Here’s Kevin Federline to say he told us so. He shocked the world earlier and it was so fun that he is going to have a seat at ringside. John Cena can’t see him.

John Cena vs. Armando Alejandro Estrada/Umaga/Jonathan Coachman/Johnny Nitro

Kevin Federline is on commentary. Cena charges in to slug it out with Umaga and low bridges the monster to the floor. Nitro comes in to hammer away but gets release fisherman’s suplexed. Umaga is back in for a Samoan drop and Coach gets in a few shots. That triggers the comeback so Cena cleans house, including getting Umaga in the STFU. Estrada brings in a chair but Cena takes it away and hits Umaga in the head for the DQ.

Post match Cena cleans house and grabs Federline for the FU. A lot of posing and staring ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not much of a show here, but it felt like they were scrambling to get through the show while also focusing on the Federline stuff (which went shockingly well). New Year’s Revolution feels like something that is just there too, with stuff like the Intercontinental Title match barely being mentioned. Cena vs. Umaga and DX vs. Rated-RKO should be enough to carry the show, but it wasn’t exactly a great commercial for the pay per view.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 4, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially on the way to New Year’s Revolution, which should be its usual riveting self. Odds are we’ll be seeing John Cena vs. Umaga for the title at that show, but first Cena is heading over the Smackdown to guest star in the Armageddon main event. Throw in Ric Flair being attacked (again) and DX has another reason to want to fight Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of DX getting rid of the Spirit Squad last week with the help of Rick Flair, followed by Rated-RKO destroying Flair later in the night.

Opening sequence.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena talks about how sometimes you are not going to be the biggest or the strongest, but last week he marched to the ring to accept a challenge from an undefeated monster. Last week Umaga said something to him (with Cena mocking what he calls gibberish), which Cena thinks was Umaga promising to stand there and stare while letting his manager do everything else.

Cena has a message for Armando Alejandro Estrada: he’s ready to fight right now, and if Umaga isn’t, he’s full of Samoan….and here’s Melina to interrupt. Cena: “Umaga, you look very, very different.” Melina says she isn’t feeling very good tonight but she wanted to remind Cena of his match with Kevin Federline on January 1. Federline is being trained by Johnny Nitro and is Melina’s friend. Cena: “Boys and girls, that is the reason right there you have to practice safe sex.” Cena laughs at the idea of Nitro telling Federline to be a man and wonders if Melina is responsible for Brittney Spears being….well what she is right now.

Melina slaps him so Cena loads up the FU but Chris Masters runs in for the save. Cue Coach to say he sent Masters out here to teach Cena a lesson. Cena: “HE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB!” Coach says we’ll save Cena vs. Umaga for New Year’s Revolution because tonight, Cena is taking the Masterlock Challenge. If Masters wins tonight, he gets……and Cena cuts him off, mocking the boring plan for Masters getting a shot next week. That’s cool with Coach, so let’s have the Masterlock Challenge for the title TONIGHT.

The former Spirit Squad’s Kenny, in regular clothes, comes in to see Rated-RKO. He says the Spirit Squad is dead so he wants to be on their side against DX. Kenny points out that they have security waiting down the hall, but Edge asks why Kenny thinks they’re in their league. Unlike the Spirit Squad, who was put in a crate and shipped off last week, they’ve actually beaten DX.

Lilian Garcia announces that Roddy Piper has undergone surgery for Hodgkin’s lymphoma but he promises to be back fighting soon.

Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Highlanders are in Piper shirts. Rory ducks a double clothesline to start and it’s a flapjack to Murdoch. Cade gets sent into Murdoch to knock him outside and the Highlanders clear the ring in a hurry. A cheap shot from behind lets Murdoch nail a big boot to put Rory down, leaving Cade to rip open the Piper shirt. Rory gets slapped in the face but Murdoch dives into the raised boot. It’s off to Robbie as everything breaks down until Robbie grabs an O’Connor roll to pin Cade.

Rating: D+. Another short match here, though I was getting worried that they would have the Highlanders lose in their Piper tribute match. Thankfully WWE actually thought it through for a change here and that is a bit of a relief. Neither team is going anywhere at the moment and the Highlanders aren’t going to be a challenge to Rated-RKO but at least they had a one off win here.

Video on Kevin Federline vs. John Cena, which is still certainly a thing.

Victoria vs. Maria

Victoria has a hit list, containing Candice Michelle (check), Maria, Torrie Wilson and Mickie James. Victoria kicks her down to start and finishes with the fireman’s carry spun into the side slam for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Victoria checks Maria off the list and goes after her again. Cue Mickie James for the save but Victoria kicks her in the head and hits the Widow’s Peak to leave her laying.

Earlier today, Cryme Tyme went to a retirement community and sang a holiday medley (Reggie the Red-Faced Crackhead, their version of Silent Night (pimps are mentioned) and Give Us Gold (to the tune of Let It Snow)). Then they try to steal a woman named Mrs. Johnson, but the guy in charge (as played by Kerwin Silfies) says not so fast. Johnson threatens to bust a cap in him.

Jim Duggan and Super Crazy thought that was funny but Shelton Benjamin isn’t impressed. Shelton doesn’t like the reinforcement of stereotypes and that set back race relations 20 years. Super Crazy’s lack of a grasp of English sets up a match next. Shelton says that Crazy can go back to selling fruit after he loses, so Crazy swears at him.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy

Before the match, Shelton complains about the racial stereotypes again and promises to send Crazy back to Mexico with a Spanish to English dictionary. Crazy snaps off a headscissors to start but Shelton kicks him in the face. Back up and Crazy avoids the Stinger Splash but misses the moonsault (Locomotion according to JR for a great line). Shelton grabs the exploder for the pin.

Post match here’s Charlie Haas to celebrate with Shelton, who looks rather confused.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Masters

Cena is defending but it’s a Masterlock Challenge instead of a title match. They take their time getting started and Masters gets the hold on so the flailing can begin. Then Cena accidentally crushes the referee in the corner and reverses into one of his own to make Masters tap. Did he even need to tap?

Post challenge, here is Umaga for the brawl and they fight outside and then back inside until security finally keeps them apart. Hot brawl here.

Post break, here’s what you saw pre break.

Viscera hits on Torrie Wilson, who says she should drop Carlito for him. Carlito cuts off the offer of oils and spits the apple in his face, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

DX insists that Ric Flair will be back because what Rated-RKO did last week was unacceptable. They knew what Flair meant to DX because Flair is their personal friend. Rated-RKO took Flair out because they can’t take DX out, so now it is time for them to suffer worse than Flair ever did. HHH didn’t say anything here. It’s a good angle, but I’m trying hard to make myself care about Flair being attacked again.

This Week In Wrestling History: Chris Jericho beats the Rock and Steve Austin in one night to become Undisputed Champion. Oddly enough, not on Peacock.

Carlito vs. Viscera

Torrie is here too as Viscera shoves Carlito down to start. Viscera hammers away to start and adds a running clothesline to break up a springboard. Back up and another springboard is swatted out of the air, only to have Viscera miss a legdrop. Carlito gets knocked down again so Viscera loads up the Visagra. Torrie grabs his lead and, while trying to hold back her broken up, crawls into the corner. That’s enough of a distraction for Carlito to hit a missile dropkick (or close enough as the camera cuts can’t hide how little of it connects), followed by a Lionsault (with the leg barely grazing Viscera’s face) for the pin.

Rating: F. The problem with Viscera continues to be that there is so little that can be done with him. Carlito isn’t the one you pick to put in there with him to make something work either, and the match was pretty much a disaster as a result. It doesn’t help that it was designed to move Carlito and Torrie forward, which shouldn’t need that much effort in the first place.

Post match Torrie kisses Carlito and stays close to him due to the clothes issue (which Lawler LOVES).

Kane is still in See No Evil.

Armando Alejandro Estrada tells Cena that he (Cena) and Umaga can’t touch each other for the rest of the year. Cena grabs him by the neck as Coach comes in and says Alejandro has been talking about how he runs Raw and Coach is nothing. That is too much for Coach (even if Estrada didn’t say any of it) so he makes Cena vs. Estrada next week.

Val Venis is here with the Kiss Cam and brings two girls into the ring for the final kiss of the night. Their first kiss is a peck so the fans boo, followed by a more well received version. Cue Eugene to say he wants a kiss, though he gets a bit too aggressive in his attempts. Val gets taken down for trying to break it up, with Eugene shouting I’M SPECIAL over and over.

DX/Hardys vs. Rated-RKO/MNM

It’s a brawl to start with the villains being sent outside so HHH sends Orton onto the announcers’ table a few times. Back in and HHH chokes Orton in the corner, setting up the tag to Shawn for the chops. HHH comes back in for the right hands, including a big one to the legal Nitro. It’s off to Matt to hammer away on Nitro, followed by Jeff coming in with a top rope ax handle. Nitro gets knocked down in the corner as the fans are all over Edge.

Back from a break with Orton coming in to hammer on Jeff, followed by MNM catapulting him throat first into the rope. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop lets Edge come in for the chinlock, setting up Orton’s knee drop for two. Jeff fights up and, despite slipping, hits the Whisper in the Wind to take out MNM. Everything breaks down and it’s a triple dive from Shawn and the Hardys. The spinebuster hits Orton but here is Kenny with a chair to Shawn’s head. HHH takes Kenny into the crowd, leaving Edge to spear Matt for the pin.

Rating: C+. They flew through this but it did what it was supposed to do by getting everyone in there at once. Kenny at least did something, though he does not exactly scream being the next big thing. It was a fine way out of something like though, as DX isn’t going to do a job in a fairly meaningless eight man tag.

Post match Kenny gets superkicked into the Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a bit but another Ric Flair Is Broken story and some rather awful/worthless matches in the middle of the show hurt it a lot. Cena vs. Umaga has a lot of potential though and that should be enough to carry us through the next pay per view. We are already at the point where you can guess the pay per card, but there are enough issues to possible result in one final shakeup.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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