Impact Wrestling
Date: December 9, 2021
Location: Sam’s Town Live, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Matt Striker, D’Lo Brown

We are on the way to Hard To Kill and the show still has a long way to go. You can see a lot of the card from here so hopefully we get some more work put in this week. A few more matches would help, as long as they pay enough attention to what is already there too. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap looks at Matt Cardona and W. Morrissey becoming co-#1 contenders, with their title shot coming against Moose at Hard To Kill.

Opening sequence.

Chris Sabin/Mickie James vs. Matthew Rehwoldt/Deonna Purrazzo

The women start things off but Rehwoldt comes in before Purrazzo does anything. Rehwoldt shoulders Mickie down to start but misses an elbow, allowing Sabin to come in and strike away. Sabin cranks on the arm but gets sent into the corner for a kick to the ribs. It’s back to Purrazzo to kick away at the ribs and to knock Mickie off the apron (Mickie should pay better attention). Rehwoldt grabs a chinlock, followed by a sitout powerbomb for two.

For some reason Rehwoldt goes up top, allowing Sabin to dropkick him out of the air. Mickie comes back in for the Thesz press on Purrazzo as everything breaks down. Sabin can’t Cradle Shock Purrazzo so he gets sent outside, where Purrazzo hits a dive to take him down. Mickie dives onto both of them but Rehwoldt catches her on top on the way back in. The top rope Thesz pres is blocked and Purrazzo reverses into a sunset flip (with Rehwoldt helping) for the pin at 8:16.

Rating: C+. It was certainly action packed and that’s a good way to start. Purrazzo vs. James is advanced a bit more and there should be a solid title match when they get around to it. Rehwoldt isn’t the most thrilling star but he works well as Purrazzo’s muscle who can do his thing well enough.

Matt Cardona is ready for a World Title opportunity because he has only had one before and didn’t win. W. Morrissey comes in to call him Midcardona and promises to go take what he deserves. Threats are made to Cardona, who wants to have a match tonight. He’ll even put up his Hard To Kill spot.

We look at Violent By Design vs. Rich Swann/Willie Mack/Heath/Rhino.

Eric Young says Rhino is like a rat who keeps coming for electrified cheese. He’s ready for Rhino in a street fight tonight.

Rohit Raju vs. Lawrence D.

Yes Lawrence rather than Larry, despite what the graphics say. Lawrence shushes him and says he’s a lover instead of a fighter before dropping Raju with a shoulder. A hiptoss sets up a running splash for two but Raju is back up with a kick to the head. Cue Josh Alexander to tell Raju to get out….and then attacks him for saying no, drawing the DQ 2:14.

Alexander wants Jonah out here right now and after a break he gets…Scott D’Amore. Jonah isn’t coming out here, but Alexander can have Jonah at Hard To Kill. That’s not cool with Alexander, who wants to get past Jonah to win the World Title back. D’Amore wants that too, but Alexander has to wait. Raju’s goon Raj Singh tries to come back in but gets planted with the C4 Spike, which is Alexander keeping his emotions in check.

The Bullet Club WILL NOT sign posters and threaten a backstage worker until Laredo Kid breaks it up.

Steve Maclin tells Scott D’Amore that he hasn’t been pinned or submitted. D’Amore says he hasn’t beaten anyone either, so it’s a no for now. Maclin leaves so here is Decay to want in on the Knockouts Ultimate X match. For once, D’Amore has too much going on so he is delegating this to someone else. Who else? More on that later it seems.

Learning Tree vs. FinJuice

Juice Robinson starts with Zicky Dice, who comes complete with a rather long ribbon. Robinson deals with that so VSK tags himself in for a cheap shot to take over. That doesn’t last long either as Robinson gets over for the tag to David Finlay to clean house. Dice runs into VSK though and it’s a backbreaker/middle rope elbow to give Robinson the pin at 3:23.

Rating: C-. Little more than a squash here and that’s what it should have been. FinJuice continues to be one of the better tag teams around here and the Learning Tree is little more than jobbers anyway. Nothing match, but it gives FinJuice a little momentum going into…whatever it is they’re doing next.

Moose comes up to W. Morrissey to offer one more alliance to get rid of Matt Cardona. Morrissey has this himself.

Eric Young tells Violent By Design to stay in the back because he has this himself.

Rhino vs. Eric Young

Street fight. Rhino throws in the weapons but Young throws them back out, earning himself a whip into the corner. That’s fine with Rhino, who tosses Young outside to start the real fighting. Young gets dropped back first onto the apron so it’s time to throw in some weapons. A few right hands stagger Rhino but he’s fine enough to suplex Young on the ramp. Back in and Rhino hits him in the head with a metal sheet, drawing even more ECW chants.

The trashcan is wedged in the corner so of course Rhino is sent face first into it (as he deserves for putting it there in the first place. Young chairs Rhino down and puts the chair on his face but the top rope elbow is broken up. A superplex brings Young down and a shoulder drops him again. Cue Violent By Design to break up the Gore so here is Heath for the save. Young uses the distraction to get in a hockey mask shot for two but here are Rich Swann and Willie Mack to go after Young again. Now it’s the Good Brothers running in for another save so Young can get in a low blow and piledriver for the pin at 8:06.

Rating: C. This was all of the brawling that you would have expected here but egads there was a lot of interference here. The Violent By Design stuff has lost a lot of its luster and the never ending feud with Rhino hasn’t helped things. Hopefully we’re gearing up for the team’s destruction, but it wouldn’t shock me to see them win the Tag Team Titles at Hard To Kill either.

The Influence and the IInspiration think they could have a good super group but can’t agree on a name.

Influence/IInspiration vs. Decay

What a weird choice for a mixed tag. Black Taurus scares Madison Rayne to the floor and Decay teases a quadruple dive as we take a break. Back with Cassie choking Rosemary in the corner but she pops up to glare at IInspiration. Rayne comes back in to choke Crazzy Steve, which works as well as you would expect. It’s back to Taurus, who tosses Dashwood onto Kaleb With A K. Back in and Rosemary spears Dashwood for the pin at 9:07.

Rating: D. This felt like something Russo would book as the good guys had the advantage and then just won without much trouble. I’m really not sure what the point of this was and there wasn’t exactly much of an explanation. There was talent involved here, but it was such a weird presentation that I’m not sure what they were going for here.

Post match the IInspiration yells at the Influence.

Lady Frost upset Kimber Lee on Before The Impact.

Lady Frost is happy to be on the roster and gets a welcome from Scott D’Amore. She wants in the Knockouts Ultimate X match, but D’Amore tells her to talk to the new person in charge of the Knockouts Division: Gail Kim. Eh makes sense. Frost is in, along with Tasha Steelz, Jordynne Grace, Rachael Ellering, Chelsea Green and Rosemary.

Hard To Kill rundown.

W. Morrissey vs. Matt Cardona

If Morrissey wins, Cardona is out of the Hard To Kill World Title match. The fight starts on the floor before the bell with Cardona being driven back first into the apron. There’s posting to make it worse and now we get the opening bell, with Morrissey pounding away even more. We take a break and come back with Cardona fighting out of a chinlock but getting knocked HARD out to the floor. Morrissey posts him again and Cardona is in big trouble (again).

Cardona is busted open, so Morrissey pulls the cut up against the post to make it worse. Back in and Morrissey misses a charge into the corner to give Cardona a much needed breather. A faceplant drops Morrissey and a middle rope dropkick sends him into the corner. Morrissey runs him over again but the powerbomb is countered into Radio Silence to give Cardona two. Back up and Cardona kicks him square in the jaw before pounding at the cut. Morrissey gets so carried away that he shoves the referee for the DQ at 13:38.

Rating: C+. I wasn’t wild on the ending but it was about all they could do here. Ultimately, Cardona needed to avoid a loss while you don’t want Morrissey getting pinned, leaving this as about as good as it was going to get. Not a great match, but Cardona is starting to look awesome with his underdog stuff and that’s a good thing.

Post match Morrissey decks the referee and powerbombs Cardona to blow off some steam. Cue Chelsea Green to cover Cardona so here is Moose to yell at Morrissey. A big boot drops Moose and Morrissey shoves Green, triggering the brawl from Cardona. Moose left the title in the ring so Cardona holds it up to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. What matters here is the fact that you can see most of the Hard To Kill card from here. They still have a long way to go with some of the stories, but at least we have something to build on already. I’m curious to see where some of these stories go and that’s a good place to be so close to a pay per view.

Results
Matthew Rehwoldt/Deonna Purrazzo b. Chris Sabin/Mickie James – Sunset flip with assist from Rehwoldt
Rohit Raju b. Lawrence D. via DQ when Josh Alexander interfered
FinJuice b. Learning Tree – Backbreaker/middle rope elbow combination to VSK
Eric Young b. Rhino – Piledriver
Decay b. Influence/IInspiration – Spear to Dashwood
Matt Cardona b. W. Morrissey via DQ when Morrissey shoved the referee

 

 

 

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Impact Wrestling
Date: November 25, 2021
Commentators: James Mitchell, Dr. Ross, Sinn Bodhi

So it’s Thanksgiving and that means things are going to be a little different around here. Since Impact Wrestling is smart enough to realize that a TV show on Thanksgiving isn’t going to draw so well, this is going to be a special look at the second season of Wrestle House. In other words, it’s the wrestling version of a reality show, whose first season was a mixture of a lot of fun and near torture at times. Let’s get to it.

A rhyming narrator (sounds like James Mitchell) welcomes us to Wrestle House and we recap the first season, featuring a bunch of people who have not been around much lately. This ultimately led to Rosemary nearly marrying John E. Bravo, Tommy Dreamer, then a shooting at the wedding, an investigation, more Tommy Dreamer, the rise of Swinger’s Palace, the closing of Swinger’s Palace and then Bravo sending everyone here so Swinger can be happy. I think we can say this is the most intricate story in Impact in a long time, and points to whoever is putting it together because they are clearly having a blast.

The cast figures out they are on a reality show and Johnny Swinger goes on a rant about how bad this place in. Last time it was like Brutus Beefcake stabbing Cesar Romero on a Coliseum Video. Swinger tries to escape but sees his greatest fear: the ghosts of rizats past! Then he marches away like a Bushwhacker.

Everyone else wants to leave, but Rosemary says they have to stay until Swinger is happy. It doesn’t sit well that they are all here because of JOHNNY SWINGER. Does anyone here even like him? Then Chris Sabin comes out in a towel, much to Swingerella #1’s delight. People head off to find their rooms and Rosemary has an apple.

Back from a break and the cast, minus Swinger, tries to figure out how to make Swinger happy. Kaleb With A K makes reality show references no one else gets and here is Sabin again, complete with a lot of steam and in slow motion. Kaleb With A K calls him out on the slow motion/steam/towel/abs so a fight is teased, but John E. Bravo is told he can’t say MATCH TIME. They need a new catchphrase and Sabin’s “I Love This Match” will seem to do.

Chris Sabin vs. Kaleb With A K

Suddenly they’re in gear and Sabin dizzifies him with a bunch of armdrags. Kaleb With A K flips him over into the Rings of Saturn but it’s the Cradle Shock (in slow motion because reasons) to give Sabin the pin at 2:01.

Back in the house, Swinger is doing Tae Bo.

Now it’s time to cook but Madison Rayne freaks out because no one else is trying to escape. Decay says they have to leave for their Knockouts Tag Team Title match at Turning Point. Rayne doesn’t like this but Sabin, who walks down the steps in slow motion, though at least now wearing pants, has a match too.

We go to the living room, where Alisha Edwards and Rayne have a plan on how to get out of here. They have a tape, from the original Throwback Throwdown event (imagine if Southpaw Regional Wrestling had a full show). We see some clips of Julian Cummerbund vs. Downtown Daddy Brown (Ethan Page vs. Willie Mack) as the women try to explain what the heck this is. Swinger loves this stuff, so maybe seeing his old friends will make him happy.

A blindfolded Swinger is brought into the living room, along with a blindfolded Brown…and they’re ready to tear each other apart. Swinger tried to hook up with his daughter and that means it’s time for Brown to come out of retirement. Alisha: “A Downtown Daddy Brown match in 2021???” Swinger: “We can’t wait until 2021! Let’s do it right now!” Sabin comes in for the catchphrase and we’re on.

Johnny Swinger vs. Downtown Daddy Brown

The match is in the morning, as Brown’s gout was acting up. Brown punches his way off of the ropes and Swinger is caught in the ropes like a see saw, as powered by Brown’s right hands. Swinger gets in a shot to the eye but Brown punches him out of the air (Bodhi: “BREADBASKET!”). The referee (Bravo) gets bumped so Swinger grabs Brown’s cane for a shot to the throat and a near fall. Brown is right back up with a jumping elbow for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C. I have no idea how to rate most of these and I think that is going to be a running theme. It’s not meant to be a competitive match and one guy is probably supposed to be in his mid 60s, so they were limited in what they were able to do. In other words, it’s perfect for Swinger and this was worth at least a chuckle for his antics alone.

Swingerella #1 checks on Swinger and Brown is transported to…..Perkins. I could go for some Perfect.

Swinger tells the cast that he’ll never cheer up and everyone is stuck here with him.

The non-Swinger cast is annoyed and Madison Rayne blames Rosemary for not blinking them out of here. Kaleb With A K busts out a roll of tape and it’s everyone who wants to stay vs. everyone who wants to go, with each team getting a side. A big tag match is set, but Alisha wants Eddie Edwards on her team. They snap him in, though he comes in from another room for the sake of an entrance. That means the cast sings his entrance song, which is quite the cute moment.

Rosemary/Havok/Crazzy Steve/Black Taurus/Chris Sabin vs. Madison Rayne/Kaleb With A K/Hernandez/Alisha Edwards/Eddie Edwards

The former team wants to help Swinger and the latter wants out, with the winners getting their way (I think?). Alisha yells at Rosemary to start, earning herself a trip to the mat and some shots to the face. Havok comes in for a double right hand so it’s off to Madison, who gets screamed at.

Madison tries an Irish whip and is quickly flattened so it’s off to Steve, who slugs it out with Eddie. Steve grabs a suplex so it’s off to Kaleb With A K, who is run over by Taurus. Alisha comes back in and jumps the also legal Rosemary, but neither can hit a suplex. Eventually all ten are trying for the same suplex but it turns into five brawls. Rosemary finally spears Alisha down for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: C-. This is what you’re going to be getting on this show and that isn’t the biggest surprise. At the end of the day, the show isn’t meant to be taken seriously (understatement) and the wrestling is certainly a part of that. It was nice to have some stakes, assuming that’s what was happening here. Commentary says all of ten words during a match so it’s not like they’re much help, so the details can be a little hazy.

Back in the house and Madison Rayne isn’t happy. Eddie Edwards gets a quick explanation of what is going on as Rosemary asks if Swingerella #1 has feelings for Johnny Swinger. Rosemary approves but they’re going to have to speak to someone.

Post break, Rosemary and Swingerella #1 go to see….someone we don’t see.

Everyone is around the pool table when Swinger comes in. After some coaxing, Swingerella #1 introduces her boyfriend: Lawrence D. (the serious Larry D., from the first season). Swinger isn’t impressed and leaves, as we find out that this is Lawrence’s house.

Opening sequence, complete with cast name cards.

The non-Swinger house has a new plan.

The plan seems to involve Locker Room Talk, with Madison Rayne bringing Swinger in as her co-host. Swinger is still sad though, as it’s hard being Johnny Parisi (his real name). He’s worried about a letter from McDevitt! Madison brings in the guest: Gene Simmons of KISS. Actually it’s the Demon, but Swinger doesn’t seem to know the difference. Swinger thinks the Demon is impersonating Simmons…who is clearly right here, because Swinger isn’t that bright. The Demon thinks Swinger needs to find true love and settle down, which gives Swinger something to think about.

Kaleb With A K wants people to use the confessional room.

Alisha and Eddie Edwards use the confessional room for married activities.

Johnny Swinger pops in to say that Eugene Simmons has told him to find love. Maybe it’s time for the Swingerella #1 to become his #1. Lawrence isn’t happy so Rosemary hits on him but Swinger is ready to fight anyway.

Johnny Swinger vs. Lawrence D.

They trade kicks to the ribs to start before Swinger goes to the eyes. Lawrence runs him over and hits a backbreaker but dives into a raised boot. Swinger takes the strap down and hammers away but Lawrence hits the Best Hand In The Business for….two, as referee Bravo accuses Lawrence of using his cologne to cheat. The distraction lets Swinger throw powder in Lawrence’s face and hit the swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 3:35.

Rating: C. The Lawrence D. stuff wasn’t funny the first time around but at least it’s some continuity for the continuation of Wrestle House. Swinger almost had to win a match on this thing and it even came with cheating. That’s about all you could expect here and it was so short that it wasn’t worth getting annoyed over in the first place.

Post match Swinger grabs the fanny pack and pulls out….a bunch of stuff, capped off by a ring. Swingerella #1 says yes and the kiss ensues. Rosemary comes in to say no one is going anywhere until we get to the altar.

Back in the house, Alisha yells at Eddie and tells him to take this seriously. Swinger, in leopard print, comes in to ask Hernandez to be his best man. He says sure, but thinks there is something fishy going on. Alisha is taking charge of the wardrobe plans.

Swingerella #1 and Swingerella #2 discuss dresses.

Hernandez overhears Rosemary and John E. Bravo discussing trading Bravo’s soul for an escape. That’s not cool with Hernandez, who gets caught in a match as a result.

Hernandez vs. Black Taurus

The not so reluctant Bravo is the referee and Taurus jumps Hernandez from behind to start fast. A low blow rocks Taurus though and Hernandez comes back with shoulders and clotheslines. The Border Toss is escaped though and a Rosemary distraction lets Taurus grab a rollup for the pin at 2:29.

Post match Rosemary touches Hernandez’s head and makes him think of LAX, which seems to erase his memory.

Back in the house, Hernandez has no idea what any of this is and only remembers Swinger as the ECW guy.

Eddie Edwards overhears Rosemary and Bravo talking about exchanging his virgin blood for an escape. Decay scares Eddie off though.

Kaleb With A K seems to dump Swingerella #2 for Madison Rayne. Sabin comes in and says he’s married but would love to go with Swingerella #2 as friends.

It’s wedding time and yes James Mitchell is ministering. We go straight to the vows and Swinger brags about all of the women he has had over the years. Swingerella #1 reveals that her name is Brunhilde, so Swinger says we’ll stick with Swingerella instead. Eddie tries to break it up but can’t talk (presumably due to magic) so Hernandez translates and reveals the plan. Rosemary: “Oops, we did it again.” A bunch of people: “FREE BRITNEY!”

Rosemary says Bravo is ready to satisfy that virgin blood….but Bravo reveals that he isn’t a virgin anymore! Swingerella #1 reveals that she was the one who changed Bravo’s status, but Swinger is thrilled because you never marry a rizat. Bravo offers to marry her instead (Sabin: “I love this match too.”) and the vows are exchanged.

Everyone sits down for Thanksgiving dinner and Swinger is happy for being free from rizats past.

It starts snowing and Sweet Daddy Brown comes in as Santa Claus, saying it’s time for Christmas.

The narrator suggests there is more coming later to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: C+. What am I supposed to say about this? It’s a one off special, which was quite the surprise as I was expecting one big episode to start the new batch of stuff on the regular Impacts. For a one off wrestling related special, I had a good bit of fun with it, but it’s complete turn off your brain stuff. It’s self contained and I had a good time so we’ll call it a totally goofy pass. Whoever put this together is clearly having a great time with it and it’s the kind of silly wrestling fun that either doesn’t exist in WWE or has way too much history and in-jokes in AEW. Nice job, though a lot of people aren’t going to be thrilled.

Results
Chris Sabin b. Kaleb With A K – Cradle Shock
Downtown Daddy Brown b. Johnny Swinger
Rosemary/Havok/Crazzy Steve/Black Taurus/Chris Sabin b. Madison Rayne/Kaleb With A K/Hernandez/Alisha Edwards/Eddie Edwards – Spear to Alisha
Johnny Swinger b. Lawrence D. – Swinging neckbreaker
Black Taurus b. Hernandez – Rollup

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.