Thunder Date: March 8, 2000
Location: Lawrence Joel Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 5,109
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
Can we please get to Uncensored already? I can’t take much more of Jarrett vs. Sid. It’s not that the match will be bad (even though it will be) but much more than it’s such an uninteresting feud. Jarrett is the US Champion when it could be used on almost anyone else who could use the belt, but instead he’s fighting for the World Title because someone saw a good run from him in the WWF and doesn’t get the idea of “this guy is a career midcarder”. Let’s get to it.
We open with a video on Jeff Jarrett running through WCW. Why must they torment me so?
Opening sequence.
The ramp is off to the side instead of straight down the aisle this time.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Psychosis
Prince is defending. Juvy does his Rock stuff and joins commentary, but here’s Rey Mysterio of all people to do the same. Psychosis gets in a few shots from behind to start (isn’t Prince the heel here?) and dropkicks the champ into the corner. Iaukea bails to the floor but Psychosis lands a big dive, followed by some cheap shots from Juvy. You would think Rey would intervene here but I doubt he cares about Iaukea either.
Back in and Prince’s shots to the face have little effect so Psychosis dropkicks him again. The champ pulls the referee into Psychosis, leaving no one to count Prince’s shoulders down on a rollup. Due to his love of law and order, Juvy comes in and counts the pin but amazingly enough that doesn’t count and Prince loses by DQ. Too short to rate but Psychosis was trying to make the most of his time.
The announcers run down the card.
Bam Bam Bigelow apologizes to David Flair/Crowbar/Daffney (the guys are in neck braces) for what Wall did to them recently. There’s a story of Wall being an out of control monster, but you know they’ll screw it up in the end.
Lex Luger tells Ric Flair that Arn Anderson needs to be gone because he’s worthless. Flair says he’ll bring Anderson to Luger tonight.
The Demon vs. Idol
Demon’s casket takes forever to open. Even the production crew doesn’t want to see him. Demon kicks away to start and gets his foot caught in the corner on a boot. Just….dang man. Cue Miss Hancock but Lane won’t let her get on the announcers’ table. Idol comes back with a suplex and powerslam for two, followed by a DDT when Demon ducks his head. Hancock gets on the apron and kisses Idol, allowing Demon to hit a quick cobra clutch slam for the pin. How much longer is he going to be around?
Lane and Idol beat Demon down until Norman Smiley comes out for a failed save attempt.
Curt Hennig can’t wrestle tonight but he’s coming for Luger on Nitro because Luger is a lame bodybuilder.
Jarrett and the Harris Twins plan for later.
Here’s Bam Bam Bigelow who says he’s a laid back guy (huh?) but lately there have been some things going on that he can’t tolerate. He asks David Flair and Crowbar to come out here, even though they can barely walk. Both guys come out and have a seat in the ring so Bigelow can recap their recent attacks by Wall. Ok so he calls the chokeslam a bodyslam but close enough. Kind of.
This is all Bigelow’s fault because he broke the Wall into wrestling. Bigelow thought Wall was a friend, to the point that he made Wall the godfather of his youngest daughter. He apologizes but here’s Wall to interrupt. They say some things we can’t hear and Wall decks him before kicking down the guys with bad necks. It’s table time and Bigelow is thrown (called a chokeslam) through the wood, leaving Wall to beat up David and Crowbar a bit more. Crowbar gets chokeslammed and David gets shoved off the apron and onto Bigelow. Wall walks away with the carnage behind him.
I liked this way more than I should have as it’s a basic story but they’re using the veterans to build up some young guys. David and Crowbar get sympathy while Wall looks like an out of control monster. It puts the focus on the young guys and Bigelow looks like Dr. Frankenstein for introducing this horror to the world. Nice job.
Hogan has a bunch of straps for Flair. Does this require a joke? I didn’t think so either.
The Maestro vs. The Cat
This is the result of Maestro calling Cat out. As you might expect, Cat is a bit faster than Maestro and fires off kicks in the corner, only to miss an elbow drop. That’s enough wrestling as Cat goes for Maestro’s boom box, kicks him low and bashes him in the head with the box for the pin. How inept are WCW referees? I mean…..dang man.
Maestro is thrown to the floor and seems to blame Symphony.
Vampiro is annoyed. Again? Doesn’t he do anything but whine?
After a break, Vampiro is ready for Jarrett and the US Title tonight.
Lash Leroux says he’ll be seeing great things soon. Dustin Rhodes lays Lash out and punches him to ringside so let’s have a match.
Lash Leroux vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin punches, Lash punches, low blow, Dustin bulldogs him for the pin in barely a minute.
Post match here’s Terry Funk and he’s got the freaking chicken. I never thought I’d have to say this, but they trade shots with the chicken and fight into the crowd. Somehow, these two would still be at least somewhat active almost fifteen years after this.
Here are Luger and Flair with something to say. After telling a fat boy to sit down (that never gets old), Ric says he needs to apologize to Luger and asks Arn Anderson to come down here, apologize for making Flair look bad and serve Team Package. Arn does come out and Luger actually gives him the Horsemen sign. I keep forgetting he was part of the team at one point so it’s not heresy.
Anderson says he’s been subservient to Ric for so long that he’s forgotten how to stand up for himself. Flair tells him to go shake Lex’s hand but Arn brings up David’s 21st birthday on Monday. Over the years, he and Ric haven’t been good fathers or husbands due to their schedules but there’s still a chance for Ric to be good to David. Ric’s career is going to be ending soon (again, Flair is still occasionally active at least twelve years after this show. That’s kind of amazing and sad at the same time) and it’s time for him to be a good father to David.
Arn is out here because David can’t be and asks why Luger is always out for himself. Like, why is this Team Package and not Team Flair? Ric says he’s done being a father and is ready for the team to ride again, if Anderson is willing to be Double A again. Anderson comes back by saying he’s got a fight or two left in them, but the real Double A would walk over Luger to get to the good fight. That’s such an awesome line and I have a feeling Luger has no idea what Anderson meant. Lex calls this all gibberish and tells Flair that he already has two strikes. If Flair lets him lose to Hennig on Monday, Ric is out.
As usual, when they let Luger stay in the background and not say much, Anderson and Flair can talk as well as any pair that I can think of. There’s a natural chemistry there that works so well and you can’t teach it. However, I’m hoping this leads somewhere with David, because otherwise it’s being wasted on Flair and Luger, who don’t need a story and Arn who is retired. Great segment, but I’m not sure I like where it’s leading.
Vampiro beats Finlay up in the back. This is a weird story as Vampiro is feuding with Jeff Jarrett in the main event scene and has this mini-side feud with Finlay.
Luger and Liz leave.
Meng vs. Fit Finlay
They slug it out and here’s Tank Abbott about thirty seconds in for the DQ.
Security breaks it up in a few seconds, making this totally worthless.
The Mamalukes are ready for their four corner elimination match tonight. Wait that’s just thrown on a Thunder? Well of course it is.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers vs. Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Booker T.
Mamalukes are defending, anyone can tag anyone, one elimination per team. I guess the Twins made bail. The champs and the Twins brawl to start and we get the bell before the other teams get here. Harlem Heat slowly comes out to join in with Booker coming out alone a few seconds later. Everyone hits everyone and Vito clotheslines Booker to break up a Spinarooni. What an uncultured swine.
Kidman and Torrie make their own entrance and all eight guys are in the ring at once so there’s almost no way to call this. We finally settle down to Stevie kneeing Booker in the chest until Booker kicks both of them in the ribs and pins Big T. off a side Russian legsweep of all things. Booker T. was the cure to the Armstrong Curse all along? Booker tags in Kidman to face Johnny and we take a break.
Back with with Kidman and Booker eliminated after Booker accidentally kicked Kidman in a reversal of Monday’s mistake. So it’s the Tag Team Title match at the pay per view on Thunder because WCW is stupid enough to not think this stuff through. Vito drops a top rope elbow for two on Don but Ron cleans house for the save. The H Bomb gets two more on Johnny with Disco coming in with a title belt for the cheap shot, allowing Johnny to get the retaining pin.
Rating: D+. So let’s recap: a Russian legsweep, a misfire that aired during a commercial and a pin off a belt shot from a manager, with the final two teams being the title match at the pay per view. How in the world did anyone think this was a good idea? Why not do a three way tag without the champs in there and then do a post match brawl? You get the challengers looking strong and don’t have the champions pin them. That felt so strange to type out because it’s such a stupid idea in the first place. The match was too full of action to be coherent but at least it wasn’t dull.
Disco takes an H Bomb post match but Vito clears the ring.
Stevie Ray says that was a two count and wants to fight Kidman and Booker on Nitro.
Diamond Dallas Page was on the Late Late Show. When is he going to be on the Bad Wrestling Show?
Long Sid vs. Jarrett video.
The Dog slobbers as Brian Knobbs talks about being hardcore. Yes, his entire character is that he’s basically a humanoid dog.
US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Vampiro
Jarrett is defending but first he asks if the girls want to flash Vampiro to distract him. He even asks the fans but then says no chance because the girls are going to the back where they belong. Vampiro starts fast and clotheslines Jarrett outside for some rams into the announcers’ table. Cue the Harris Twins to get in some cheap shots, allowing Jarrett to take over with a clothesline. So not only is Jarrett boring but he has boring help.
Jeff kicks him back outside so the Twins can get in some more shots, only to have the Mamalukes out to even things up. Vampiro and the Mamalukes sounds like a pretty sweet detective agency comedy. Back in and Vampiro plants Jarrett with a Rock Bottom but the referee is yelling at the tag teams.
Jarrett’s chair is taken away so he has to settle for two off a DDT. Nick Patrick gets bumped because WCW doesn’t know how to do anything else. Vampiro catapults Jeff into the corner and nails him with the belt as another referee comes out, only to have Patrick pull him to the floor at two. As they argue, Jarrett Strokes Vampiro onto the title to retain.
Rating: D. They’re doing a decent job of making Vampiro look like something interesting but it doesn’t help that he’s constantly jobbing every time he’s in there. Would it hurt to let him beat a Harris Brother? Or to beat someone not in the NWO so that he can actually get a win? Jarrett and the twins continue to suck the life out of anything they’re associated with and it’s already old.
Vampiro takes an H Bomb and gets spray painted to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. It says a lot that the second best segment of the show was Bam Bam Bigelow talking to the Wall. The wrestling was really lacking to barely there and somehow that might be the best option here. WCW’s wrestling really isn’t worth watching most of the time due to the people in there and how little time they have but their talking is usually good. Anderson and Flair continue to be masters, but they need to do something with someone young, because the former Horsemen don’t need a rub.
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Monday Nitro #230 Date: March 6, 2000
Location: Student Activities Center, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Attendance: 4,682
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
We’re getting closer to the horror that is Uncensored 2000 and Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious. Both guys are talented and have their place on the card, but the main event isn’t the right spot for either of them, especially coming off HHH vs. Foley and transitioning into HHH vs. Rock. Other than that, since we’re in North Carolina, you can pencil in Flair for a loss or some sort of humiliation. Let’s get to it.
We open in the back with Fit Finlay choking Vampiro after promising to teach him some respect last week. Vampiro fights back but we cut to the arena for some pyro.
Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi
Juventud Guerrera is out with Psychosis for his Rock stuff and promises to live la vida loca. Kaz quickly knocks Psychosis to the floor and dives onto both guys for a nice spot. Back in and a dropkick puts Psychosis (Madden keeps calling him Psycho) down again and a spinwheel kick fires Kaz up even more. This is more emotion than I’ve seen from him in a long time.
Psychosis grabs a quick gordbuster as Juvy sits on the apron. Cue Finlay and Vampiro to fight at ringside and then into the ring to really wake the crowd up. Psychosis’ top rope hurricanrana gets two but here are Paisley and the Artist etc to watch. Kaz gets dropkicked out of the air and takes the guillotine legdrop for no cover. Instead Prince gets on the apron and hits Psychosis with the belt, giving Kaz a rollup pin.
Rating: C. Yeah it was an overbooked mess, but it was a fun overbooked mess and that’s a good way to open a show. Kaz looked like a guy who was trying to make something of his TV time and I can never fault someone for doing that. It’s not a great match and Prince is still an anchor holding the division down, but this was the fast paced, fun match the division has been missing.
Psychosis and Juvy beat Prince down post match.
We look back at Jarrett pinning Vampiro last week.
Tonight’s main event: Sid/Vampiro vs. Jarrett/Don Harris. I’m digging these young guys getting main event slots but good grief the heels are dragging these things down.
Security finally breaks up Vampiro and Finlay, ten minutes after we first saw them fighting.
The NWO, in a room with couches and black walls, laugh off the idea of facing Vampiro tonight.
Disco and the Mamalukes aren’t worried about the Harris Twins. Johnny is swearing off cheese sandwiches until Uncensored and Vito is taking out Ron Harris tonight.
Vampiro is beating up various trashcans backstage.
Ricki Rachman and the Nitro Girls were at Duke University on Friday. This eats up far more time than it should. To their credit there was some money given to a children’s hospital so at least some good came from it.
Ron Harris vs. Big Vito
Harris stomps him down to start but Vito kicks him in the face. Tony: “Would you call that a Mafia Kick?” Madden: “I’d call it an Italian American Heritage Kick.” The Twins quickly switch places and Don hits Vito with a chain for the pin in less than a minute.
And never mind as instant replay shows the cheating and Vito wins. Disco and the champs take H Bombs until the Power Plant security guards and a cop come out and get beaten down as well.
David Flair, on his 21st birthday, is going to beat up the Wall for hurting Crowbar on Thunder. That was one heck of a chokeslam through the table.
The Harris Twins are arrested for shoving the cop. I’m not sure why they both are when only one touched the cop but it’s wrestling logic.
The official tagline for Sid vs. Jarrett at Uncensored: the monster against the music. This is getting higher and higher on the list of horrible WCW ideas every single week.
The Wall vs. David Flair
Wall throws him to the floor to start and puts up a pair of tables. Daffney distracts Wall with screams, allowing David to hit him in the back with a crowbar. The metal rod to the back is no sold and David gets chokeslammed through both tables for the DQ.
Daffney cries over how hurt David may be. Trainers come out, as do Curt Hennig, Terry Funk and Arn Anderson. Curt says David’s old man should have been here. Ric was shown in the back earlier.
Back from a break with David being taken away on a stretcher. Bam Bam Bigelow yells at Wall for taking it too far so Wall hits him once, knocking him onto a table. Bigelow implied that he trained/mentored Wall before getting knocked six feet off a single punch.
The Dog vs. Evan Karagias
I’ve wondered this forever, but why in the world is Brian Knobbs’ theme music a rock version of My Sharona? Dog beats up all three members of 3 Count but gets triple teamed, drawing in Knobbs and Finlay. It’s eventually just Dog in the ring, leaving everyone else to mindlessly fight outside. Dog hits a running splash on Evan and then bites his ear. Finlay throws Evan into the barricade and we see Dog’s red eyes. All six get in again until Knobbs helps Dog with a middle rope powerslam to pin Evan.
Rating: N/A. It was long enough to rate but this was such a mess and the two people actually in the match were only together in the ring for about half the time. Much like the Tag Team Title feud, this isn’t interesting but at least it’s a feud that can be simply explained. That doesn’t make it good, but it makes sense which is more than you can say about a lot of stuff around here.
Ric Flair says his son is a big boy and can take care of himself. He’s ready for Hennig again tonight.
Jarrett yells at his three NWO girls about the situation tonight.
Nitro Girls for the first time in a long while.
Sid begs Vampiro to help him fight tonight. Vampiro says he’ll be there.
Here are Jarrett and the girls with something to say. Jeff ejects the girls (who now have names: Kim, Tylene and Midajah) and says tonight there was a travesty of justice. The Twins are gone, but Jeff has a replacement: The Wall. Again, well done on putting young guys in big spots, and for once that’s not sarcasm.
2XS (Lane and Idol) are on the phone but Idol says he lives here now so he’s over with the rats. They see Demon’s coffin and have an idea.
Curt Hennig vs. Ric Flair
Please give them time. Flair rips on the UNC Tar Heels basketball team and thinks they should be wrestling at Duke (UNC’s major rival) tonight instead. Curt chops away in the corner to start and gives Ric a backdrop as only Flair can take one. They head outside with Flair striking away until Hennig chops him against the barricade. Back in and Flair goes…well he goes Flair actually as he suckers Hennig into the corner for a low blow.
More chops on the floor have Curt in more trouble as the idea is Flair being more aggressive than usual because of Hogan. So yeah, we’re back to the RIC IS CRAZY because of Hogan idea from 1994. After some stomps to the leg, the Figure Four goes on but Hennig turns it over as you would expect him to do. They’re not exactly blowing the roof off the place here. Hennig makes his comeback but has to deal with Luger, followed by a quick PerfectPlex for the pin on Flair.
Rating: C. Totally acceptable match here but that’s par for the course from these two. Hennig vs. Flair is always good for a decent match and it’s nice to see an older guy like Flair still trying around here. Luger and Flair are a good enough heel team, but Luger is so worthless these days and it’s killing whatever good Flair brings to it.
Hennig’s arm gets broken but Arn Anderson comes out to stand over him. Luger pulls the bat back to hit him but Flair shakes his head no and Lex drops it.
Lane and Idol weld the Demon’s casket shut, because WCW catering now has blowtorches if you get the meal deal special. Demon comes up but gets beaten down because WCW isn’t scared of a lawsuit.
More Nitro Party stuff.
Hennig is taken into an ambulance.
Flair and Luger brag and Liz looks especially gorgeous here.
Lane vs. Norman Smiley
Idol is on commentary as Norman starts with some dancing. A victory roll doesn’t work so well and Smiley is sent outside, where Lane takes him down with a big flip dive. Back in and Lane gets slammed down but breaks up the Big Wiggle with a low blow. As usual, the referee sees this and doesn’t seem to care. Lane misses a moonsault (landing on his head) to set up Norman’s giant swing. Cue Miss Hancock to get on the table but she doesn’t dance. The distraction is enough for the Norman’s Conquest to make Lane tap out in a hurry.
Demon comes out to beat up Lane and Idol but gets in a staredown with Norman. Sure why not.
Sid promises to win at Uncensored.
An angry Tank Abbott is in the ring and doesn’t care for the GOLDBERG chants. He isn’t worried about Sid either because he only tapped because WCW was taking him off TV. Tank isn’t leaving until he gets a match.
Tank Abbott vs. La Parka
One punch knockout. I’m so glad La Parka was given a winning streak over the last few weeks.
Doug Dillinger won’t get Tank out of the ring so here’s Meng, but JJ Dillon threatens to dock him 60 days pay if he gets in. Nothing comes of this because having a fun segment isn’t something WCW will tolerate on their television shows.
Nitro Girls again.
Hogan, in a pre-taped interview, has signed release notes for the Yappapi Strap Match against Flair. He goes over the mindset behind the match and promises to strap Flair over and over. This was an old school promo but this isn’t an old school show.
Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000
Kidman says he has a partner but gets beaten down before he can bring anyone down. After about thirty seconds of beating, here’s Booker to even things up. Booker cleans house but the double teaming gets to him as this actually breaks down into a tag match. Everything breaks down and there’s a Book End on Big T. with Kidman dropping a top rope elbow but Cash (or is it Cass?) pulls the referee to the floor. Stevie hits something on Kidman off camera for the pin, because pulling the referee to the floor isn’t a DQ in WCW. I think the better question is what IS a DQ in this company these days.
Here’s Dustin Rhodes with some barbed wire (clearly not real) and something to say. He knocks Terry Funk unconscious two weeks ago but Funk got up and kept coming because he’s a stupid old man. Dustin rips on the internet fans and says he’s ready to make Terry bleed tonight.
After we don’t hear the end of “you people s….” because SUCK of all things is censored, Terry Funk comes out to call Dustin a chicken. He imitates Foghorn Leghorn of all things and says he has Dustin’s illegitimate brother in a garbage bag. Inside the bag is a plucked chicken wearing a diaper because why not. Terry thinks Dustin wants a barbed wire match so Dustin throws powder in his face and piledrives him. The threat of a powerbomb makes Funk come back with a low blow and a slam onto the wire.
Jeff Jarrett/The Wall vs. Sid Vicious/Vampiro
Before the match, Jeff ejects the girls again. Tony makes the big announcement for Sting vs. Luger: it’s a lumberjack cast match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken will surround the ring. It’s a brawl to start with the big guys fighting out to the floor. We settle down to Vampiro working on Wall’s arm until Jeff gets in a cheap shot from the apron to change control.
Jeff comes in and works over Vampiro with that riveting Memphis style of his until Vampiro plants him with a Rock Bottom. The hot tag brings in Sid to clean house and chokeslam Jeff, but Wall breaks it up. Sid clotheslines Jarrett to the floor and the big guys grab each other by the throat, only to have Jarrett sneak in with the guitar to Sid. Wall chokeslams Sid and Jeff gets the pin to end the show.
Rating: D. I really didn’t care for this one but it’s nice to see someone like Wall getting a spot here. Vampiro was really just kind of there but it’s always cool to see the youth movement finally going somewhere. Unfortunately it ends with Jeff pinning Sid again to set up the lame World Title match down the line, but that’s WCW for you.
Overall Rating: D+. As boring as the main event stuff has been lately, this really wasn’t a bad show. They’re building up some coherent stories and the young guys are getting some higher spots on the card, which makes for a show that actually entertains at points. Now don’t get me wrong: it’s still really boring and the idea of Uncensored makes me cringe, but this has been a major upgrade over the last few months.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Thunder Date: March 1, 2000
Location: Fargodome, Fargo, North Dakota
Attendance: 5,368
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
We’re getting closer to Uncensored, meaning it’s time for more matches that people don’t want to see and characters old enough to be our parents. The big story continues to be Sid vs. Jarrett, with a co-main event of WCW vs. the fans in a battle to make us accept Jarrett as anything but the career midcarder that he is. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Nitro, which actually wasn’t a total disaster.
Sid asks Terry Taylor if everything is ready, which it is. I have a feeling I don’t want to know what he’s talking about.
Opening sequence.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo is challenging. Tenay starts off by talking about Mysterio and Guerrera wanting to challenge for the title, meaning there’s no one active worth fighting the Prince. Nice job Mike. They slug it out to start with Chavo getting whipped into the ropes, only to float over into a DDT ala the Maivia Hurricane.
A spinebuster gets two on the champ and he gets sent outside, setting up a big plancha from Chavo, who looks more comfortable out there than he has in a long time. Back in and Chavo dropkicks him into the corner, setting up the tornado DDT, only to draw Paisley up to the apron. Since Chavo isn’t all that bright, the distraction lets Prince hit him with the belt, only to get caught for the quick DQ. Too short to rate but it wasn’t bad, which is the standard case for Chavo.
Sid has gotten his wish: a six man tag where he teams with Booker/Kidman (WOOT!) to face Jarrett/Harris Twins (TOOW!).
Luger thinks Vampiro is stupid and Flair is going to take out Bagwell. I’m digging these Flair vs. midcarders matchers.
Chavo says he went broke selling Amway products and is back to become Cruiserweight Champion. He steals Gene’s watch to keep up the family tradition.
Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk
You would think this would be on Nitro, which is why it’s airing on Thunder. Because WCW you see. Before the match, Dustin stops to say that the fans make him sick and he doesn’t care about us anymore. We see a clip of Rhodes jumping Funk at an autograph signing earlier in the day. It’s clearly staged because there’s no way WCW had that many fans.
Back in the arena and Funk jumps Rhodes from behind with a chair. They fight to the floor with Dustin backdropping his way out of a piledriver and DDTing Funk on the concrete. Back in and some chair shots don’t knock Funk out as I don’t think this was a match despite the bell ringing. Security finally breaks it up.
The Harris Twins aren’t impressed by the Mamalukes giving them a pair of cement shoes and plan to give them an H Bomb. Jarrett says they’re ready for the six man tag tonight but first they need to eliminate some of their women through some contests.
Booker, Kidman and Sid talk strategy until the director shouts “clear.” THUNDER IS TAPED!!! How can they possibly make a mistake like that on a taped show? I know they only have one day to turn it around now, but Smackdown airs a day later in Canada and you don’t see mistakes like that. How in the world is that even possible???
3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay/The Dog
Dog is Al Greene, who is different than Big Al. Let’s keep this quick: weapons, brawling, no selling, 3 Count runs, press slam through a table to pin Evan.
La Parka now has a blue and white costume on and a new voiceover guy, who seems to be a fan of Konnan. From here on out, it’s one chair shot for La Parka and one for all his homies.
The NWO girls have a spelling bee. The only word spelled properly: rat.
La Parka vs. The Demon
Demon pounds away to start but gets crotched on top because Demon is a glorified comedy character minus any form of comedy. It’s already chair time but La Parka takes so much time setting up what looked like a huricanrana that Demon slaps him down off the top to break it up. Demon drops a dancing elbow and slaps on a full nelson, only to get kicked low. A corkscrew splash from La Parka is good for the pin to keep Demon as a loser.
Rating: D. I like La Parka and he was definitely getting more and more popular because he was a lot better than a good amount of the talent on the roster. Couple that with him getting over with a chair and there was no way he was ever going anywhere. Demon continues to be another dark spot in WCW but there are so many now that it’s rare to see a bright spot.
Nick Patrick preps Mark Johnson for his match against Mickie Jay. Who goes to NICK PATRICK for wrestling advice?
The spelling bee winner beats Gene in arm wrestling.
Sting says he’ll fight Luger for the last time at Uncensored.
Luger says what you see him do to Vampiro tonight is just a preview of what Sting will get. This is such a basic feud and works fine, but the fact that it’s about Lex Luger vs. Sting in 2000 kills anything it could get going.
Buff Bagwell hits on Miss Hancock. He does have good taste.
Total Package vs. Vampiro
They slap/chop it out to start as Tenay talks about Vampiro reminding him of Sting. Aside from the charisma, power and abilities, I’d say he’s almost right. Vampiro takes over with some strikes of his own, capped off by ducking a clothesline and superkicking Luger into the corner. The Sting comparisons show some merit as Luger backs off, only to sucker Vampiro in and drive him into the buckle.
Luger starts in on the back and hits a press slam followed by a powerslam. The Rack is countered as Vampiro slips down and kicks him in the face, followed by a hair pull bulldog. Cue Flair for a distraction, allowing Liz to hit Vampiro with the bat so Luger can Rack him for the win.
Rating: D+. Vampiro loses to a big name after performing far better in the match. Who saw that coming? It’s nice to see these guys getting to rub elbows with stars like Luger and Flair and at least it took cheating to beat him. Things are looking ever so slightly up and I can accept Vampiro losing, but can we get ANYONE but Luger in there? The guy doesn’t have it anymore and it shows badly.
Vampiro gets his arm broken post match.
Post break (and post replay of what we just saw), Vampiro won’t let the medics tend to him so Finlay attacks him.
Mickie Jay vs. Mark Johnson
Johnson hits him with a roll of quarters from Nick Patrick for the pin in about five seconds.
The same NWO chick wins the swimsuit competition. Thankfully Gene’s dirty old man gimmick is gone.
Crowbar vs. Wall
It’s a fast start as Crowbar knocks him off the apron and hits a flip dive. Wall gets sent into the barricade but shrugs off all the offense back inside. A big boot drops Crowbar and Wall chokeslams him for good measure. They head outside with Crowbar staggering him with a dropkick and blasting Wall with a chair. A top rope splash to the floor crushes Wall again but he’s still able to easily block a suplex back into the ring. They fight to the apron again where Crowbar charges at him, only to get caught and chokeslammed through the announcers’ table for the DQ.
Rating: D+. Most of that is for the big spot at the end which really did look awesome. Crowbar is good for a violent, hardcore character and Wall is fine as an unstoppable force who will one day be stopped by some young up and comer. Well, at least that’s what would happen in a good wrestling company, so there’s no chance it happens here.
Crowbar gets stretchered out.
Video on Hogan vs. Luger. Isn’t it Sting vs. Luger now?
Sid/Kidman/Booker say they’re going to win.
The first three NWO girls are tied for last and the worst looking one is eliminated. The three jump the winner of the contests and attack her with makeup, meaning the fourth one is eliminated. This was somehow a bigger waste of time than it sounds.
Buff Bagwell vs. Ric Flair
After some posing to start, Buff headlocks him down and grabs the leg, setting up a Dusty Rhodes level figure four, sending Flair to the ropes for the break. Buff punches, backdrops, punches and punches some more until we get the Flair Flop. A backslide gets one for Buff and it’s time for more punching. The referee actually warns him about the punching, which lets Flair hit two straight low blows.
Flair starts chopping away until Buff gets tired of selling and fires off some right hands. See, now that is like something Sting would do, not be some lame supernatural inspired character. There’s another backdrop and a lame clothesline from Bagwell, followed by a superplex to put both guys down. Cue Liz and Luger to distract the referee (because no referee has ever watched wrestling) from counting the pin off a Blockbuster. A ball bat shot from Luger gives Flair the pin.
Rating: D-. Good night Bagwell was lazy. The entire match was punches, backdrops and a Blockbuster with a pretty lame superplex thrown in. Flair was doing his usual stuff but you can only get so far with a lame opponent and not much time. It’s a bad match and the ending was obvious, but at least they’re going somewhere with Luger and Flair.
Hennig comes out to save Buff from a post match beatdown.
We get another clip of the Crowbar chokeslam, which really did look good.
Bagwell picks up the eliminated NWO girl. Good grief could they make him look like any more of a loser?
Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Sid Vicious/Kidman/Booker
The NWO girls are sent to the back before the match. Booker and Jarrett get things going with a nice, basic sequence of shoulders and hiptosses until Booker slams Jeff into the corner for a tag to Ron. Before we get on with the match, I want to talk about that sequence for a bit. It was so simple but it was one of the more enjoyable things on the show. No it wasn’t much, but it was two guys who know how to wrestle doing their jobs. There weren’t any punches, interference or cheating, but rather two guys doing what they do best. Why is that so hard for WCW to do?
Anyway it’s off to Ron who eats a forearm from Booker and a bunch of dropkicks from Kidman, sending him over to the corner to tag Don. Kidman doesn’t do so well here as his Fameasser is countered and Don takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to Jarrett for some choking on the ropes but he misses the running crotch attack and staggers into Sid’s corner, but the referee would rather not be bored to sleep so Sid can’t do anything.
Speaking of sleep, we get Jeff’s countered sleeper spot before Kidman avoids a charge into the corner. Kidman tags both partners at once (because why not) and everything breaks down. Booker runs interference as Sid chokeslams and powerbombs Jeff. No cover of course as the Twins pull the referee to the floor, which isn’t a DQ because WCW. Kidman missile dropkicks Booker by mistake, giving Jarrett the pin.
Rating: C-. I liked this one better than I thought I would but they didn’t give it enough time to go anywhere. The big story here though was of course the two younger guys getting a shot in the main event. It’s not a major step forward but at least they’re being given a chance. Those two are by far the most qualified to move up the ladder and it’s nice to see them getting a foot up the rungs.
Kidman and Booker both take H Bombs and Sid gets guitared to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. This show was a mess with a bunch of bad matches and really lame stories with little advancement. That’s the big thing: nothing happened here as we continue towards Jarrett vs. Sid in a match no one wants to see in the first place. I know they’re setting up Sting vs. Luger, but, just like the other match, no one wants to see that either. Just a bad show with nothing going on in a bad promotion with nothing going on.
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Monday Nitro – February 28, 2000: The Will To Fight Is Gone
Monday Nitro #229 Date: February 28, 2000
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,638
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
The big story coming out of Thunder is that the old guys are actually starting to mix it up with the younger guys in the form of Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk and Vampiro vs. Ric Flair. I fully expect WCW to screw this up as only they can, but it’s nice to dream for a little while. I’m sure Luger and Hogan will be here tonight to explain how things really work in wrestling. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the last week, with Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon (yes of Batman) and Luger/Flair taking over the shows by beating up Hogan and anyone else who get in their way.
Sid arrived earlier today. Yes, he actually CAME TO WORK. Tonight he defends against Tank Abbott. Oh how this company continues to fail. Can’t we get some Greg Valentine title shots again?
Jarrett doesn’t care if Abbott wins because he has a guaranteed title shot. At least they’re wearing NWO gear now and Jeff has his US Title. They must be listening to me.
Opening sequence.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. 2XS
The Italians are defending and the challengers tell Miss Hancock to stay in the back because she’s messing up their rat chasing. Lane and Idol start things fast but here’s Hancock for commentary as the champions take over. A kick to the head and neckbreaker drop Lane. Disco: “Why are you being so nice to her?” Madden: “SHUT UP DISCO!!!” The camera is smart enough to stay on Hancock instead of the match which sees both guys on the mat.
Idol comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Hancock gets on the table to dance (and keeps having to pull her skirt, if you can even call it that, down). Everyone but Vito (down) is distracted, allowing Vito to get up and plant Idol with the DDT for the pin. Tony: “Finally something happens in the match.” The match was short and we missed way too much of it looking at Hancock, making this one of the more entertaining matches in a long time.
Vito wants more dancing and Hancock is happy to oblige, only to have the Harris Twins come in to clean house. Thankfully it doesn’t seem that Hancock is with the Twins. They want a title shot.
We run down the card.
The KidCam sees Bagwell hitting on Liz. This is totally and completely different than GTV. This was also taped earlier as Luger, Liz and Flair are watching. Ric wants to take Bagwell out for this.
Bigelow picks Sid to beat Abbott tonight.
The Nitro Girls are at Ohio State as we’re getting ready for Spring Breakout.
Hogan, with his weightlifting belt back, wants a Yappapai strap match with Flair at Uncensored. You can hear the fans boo when he calls himself the greatest of all time.
Here are Flair (with another weightlifting belt), Luger and Liz with something to say. Flair yells about Hogan like the good old days when he was a psycho. Luger calls Sting a no-show (true actually) and says tonight the Stuff gets snuffed. Lex keeps going by ripping down Minnesota so here’s Curt Hennig of all people to challenge Flair to a match tonight. I haven’t heard Hennig this fired up in years. Flair says it’s on and Hennig promises to streak down the streets of Minneapolis if he loses.
Booker blames the tag team loss on Thunder on Kidman being on the floor with Torrie.
Torrie and Kidman want the KidCam back.
Nitro Girls.
Madden talks while Tony is on the phone. The results of the call: Sting will be here tonight. They needed a call to confirm that?
Jarrett promises to win the title at Uncensored and doesn’t know who Vampiro is. For some reason he specifies that it’s Uncensored 2000, as opposed to Uncensored 45.
Booker vs. Kidman
Imagine that: taking two young, talented people and having them fight each other in a meaningless match instead of building them up. Booker elbows him down for two but gets caught in a victory roll for the same. The ax kick plants Booker but here come the Harris Twins for the DQ.
Both guys take H Bombs and Torrie gets knocked off the apron.
Gene calls Cassius the mystery man. I know he isn’t a dirty old man now but I’d prefer that over stupid. Harlem Heat thinks you should have someone watching your back.
Lash Leroux thinks Sid wins tonight.
Here’s a clip of a guy with 28 inch arms at the Arnold Classic. Good for him.
Norman Smiley is going to beat up Dustin Rhodes for Dustin hurting Terry Funk. Anything new for Norman is an upgrade.
Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs
Knobbs is defending after Finlay beat 3 Count on Wednesday. Brian fights all three of them off using the cast and everyone uses weapons. There’s a Pit Stop for Shannon and Knobbs throws him out to the floor. Tony mentions that this is a Night of Champions. Thanks for telling us that nearly halfway through the show. Moore gets powerbombed through a table but a trashcan lid shot and a dog pile is enough to pin Knobbs and give us a triple champion.
Vampiro wants to show Jeff Jarrett some pain tonight.
Knobbs wants a rematch. Finlay thinks it’s time to make 3 Count’s lives miserable, starting with a six man tag on Thunder with a surprise partner. It’s time to bring out the dog. Oh dear.
Norman Smiley vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin comes out to an instrumental version of his old “Well they call him the natural” theme. Norman is wearing full football pads and puts on a bearhug of all things to start. A cross body puts Dustin down but for some reason doesn’t cause him any major pain. Some dancing sends Dustin to the floor before the swinging slam sets up the Big Wiggle. Dustin will have none of this fun and the beating is on. He drops Norman chest first onto the barricade, which should have no effect due to the pads but WCW in 2000 is stupid enough to defy science. Back in and a top rope clothesline is enough to give Dustin the pin.
Nick Patrick picks Tank Abbott. I’ll give them this: at least they’re trying to make this feel important.
US Title: Vampiro vs. Jeff Jarrett
Jeff is defending and has a bunch of women with him but quickly sends them to the back. Before we get to the match, we get a quick recap of Jeff guitaring everyone, which now cost him $10,000 apiece. They start fast with headlocks into headscissors but Vampiro starts firing off the kicks. That goes nowhere so they head outside with Jarrett dropping him on the barricade to take over.
Back inside and it’s Jarrett in control but Vampiro catches himself off a monkey flip. That earns him a clothesline as this has been almost all Jarrett so far. A quick Rock Bottom gets two for Vampiro and some small packages get the same, but here are the Twins for a distraction. Sid comes out to chase them off but the referee doesn’t see the cover off Vampiro’s Nail in the Coffin. Jarrett hits a quick belt shot for two (with the bell ringing anyway), avoids the guillotine legdrop, and hits a quick Stroke to retain.
Rating: D+. Notice the difference between this and Flair vs. Vampiro on Thunder: here Vampiro got in almost nothing until a bunch of interference screwed Jarrett up. On top of that, Jarrett pinned him clean. That’s not a good way to make Vampiro look good, but this was about setting up Sid vs. Jarrett instead of doing anything for anyone else.
The Mamalukes pay a guy to give the Harris Twins a package.
Ricki Rachman, an annoying tattooed guy who does promotional stuff, talks to Disco Inferno about 3 Count while sitting at a restaurant at Ohio State. Seriously.
Fit Finlay attacked Vampiro during the break. Why you ask? Not answered, just like when he did it on Wednesday.
David Flair dances with the Nitro Girls but Daffney catches him. I’d make a “well maybe he didn’t think she was watching like everyone else” but it was too easy. Everything is cool after a few seconds.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. David Flair
David is challenging and Crowbar is on commentary. Prince licks his own finger and points at David so David points back at him. Crowbar does an actually funny Gordon Solie imitation, getting in every catchphrase he can. Prince takes him down with some right hands but Crowbar shoves him off the ropes. David covers for two but the girls get in a fight, allowing Prince to hit his middle rope DDT to retain.
Sid has been attacked and a guitar is seen nearby.
The NWO leaves but the guy from earlier delivers the package to the Twins. It’s a dead fish. Eh I’ve seen worse.
Sid has been banned from strenuous physical activity. Well Sid hasn’t been strenuous in the ring for years so that should be fine. Sid comes up and says he’s fighting tonight, even though he’s dizzy.
The Cat vs. The Maestro
Cat insults some fat fans before Maestro comes out. Symphony carries out a boom box with the music Stro has to listen to as part of the bet. The boom box plays what sounds like 3 Count, Maestro freaks out and hits Cat with the boom box and gets the pin.
Liz and Luger have lost the bat.
Kidman picks Tank Abbott.
Ric Flair vs. Curt Hennig
Hennig slugs away in the corner to start and nails a backdrop, followed by some chops in the corner. Flair gets slammed off the top as this has literally been all Hennig so far. We get a ref bump because wrestling has gotten too complicated around here. The PerfectPlex has Flair in trouble but Luger comes in for the save. A low blow gives Ric the pin.
Rating: D+. This is a hard pairing to screw up but they came close with less than four minutes, a ref bump and interference. Either give them more time and cut out stuff like Cat vs. Maestro or…..actually just cut that match and give this match the time. There’s no real reason to not be able to give more than one match seven minutes or so, but they’re cramming so much stuff in here and it’s screwing up the rest of the card.
Meng, who can suddenly speak English, can’t decide who wins the main event.
More stuff from Ohio State.
Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell
Again. These two have fought more than maybe any other pair in Nitro history. So is Buff officially a face, even when he’s trying to steal someone’s woman? Some quick dropkicks have Luger in early trouble but they head outside with Luger choking away on the table. We hit a reverse chinlock back inside and Buff slaps the mat but the referee doesn’t care. How stupid does Bagwell have to be to not even blink when Bagwell taps the mat while in a submission? Bagwell gets his knees up to crotch Luger and makes his comeback, including a Vader Bomb for two. Buff goes after Liz but Flair comes in for the DQ.
Rating: D. I’m sick of these two fighting, even when you set something up earlier in the night. The fact that it’s there to set up another Luger match because he’s still getting pushed for whatever reason doesn’t help either. Flair is the highlight of this team though and at least he’s willing to help build up some stars.
They load up the Pillmanizing but Sting returns for the save. Returns after being gone for a week that is.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Tank Abbott
Tank is challenging and comes in on a motorcycle. Sid is wobbly with glazed over eyes. I’m going to assume he’s fine. His taped up ribs seem a bit more serious. Tank grabs a front facelock and shouts GO TO SLEEP. That goes nowhere so Tank punches him in the ribs, amazingly showing some psychology. We hit a reverse chinlock before a bunch of body punches put Sid down again. Back up and Sid grabs a sleeper which he turns into the Crossface to make Tank tap.
Rating: D. Well, they tried some psychology but it wound up being a bunch of punching and chinlocks until Sid grabbed a hold to retain. This could have been far worse, but I could have gone for them sacrificing Tank to someone who needs the win instead of the World Champion. At least it was short and made sense though.
Overall Rating: D. The shows have had a bit more energy in recent weeks, but that might just be due to me giving up on fighting. It is however nice to see the younger guys at least being moved up the card, though unfortunately they haven’t actually won anything yet. This week was better, but they need to keep pushing forward and get away from these horrible main events already.
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Thunder Date: February 23, 2000
Location: Lawlor Events Center, Reno, Nevada
Attendance: 3,777
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
After Monday it’s very clear that this is the old guys/NWO (assuming you still think of them as the NWO) show. The wrestling has taken a backseat to “let’s see how simple a feud the old guys can put together” and it’s really not working too well. There have been a few glimmers of light with some young guys getting some upgrades lately and hopefully they continue tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a quick recap from Monday.
Mike Graham talks to Kevin Nash but Nash’s memory is screwed up from the guitar shot. He doesn’t remember that he’s Commissioner but likes the idea once Graham reminds him.
Opening sequence.
Evan Karagias vs. Fit Finlay
Finlay breaks up the performance. There’s going to be a long list of heels for doing that. Finlay quickly slugs Karagias outside and beats up the other two to break up the interference attempt. Shannon’s chair shot has no effect so Evan takes the Regal Roll in the aisle. A trashcan lid knocks the chair out of Evan’s hands so Shane hits Fit in the back with the big green circle. Back in and Shannon hits a dropkick from behind, only to have the band screw up, allowing Finlay to tombstone Evan for the pin. One more time, please, TELL US IF IT’S HARDCORE.
Nash and the nurses are in the dressing room and they remind him that he’s the Commissioner. If he’s the Commissioner, the nurses need to call Batman because the Joker is on the loose. If that doesn’t work, call Bruce Wayne because he always knows where Batman is. I’m trying to hate this. I want to hate this. I should hate this……but this is so stupid and Nash is so funny when he’s trying to be that I’m digging it. I mean, yeah the fans are going to run away as fast as they can, but would you rather see Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon from the 1960s Batman show or watch a Lex Luger match?
Jarrett says Sid loses at Uncensored.
Buff hits on Daffney like he did with Symphony on Monday, earning him a scream to the face.
Here’s Ric Flair, holding Hogan’s weightlifting belt, for a chat. Flair rips on the town and calls a fan fat boy because he’s Ric Flair and how can he not say those things? Flair mentions whipping Hogan on Monday and talks about Luger being oh so amazing. My goodness does 1988 mean nothing anymore? Since Flair has the belt and Luger has a match with Sid tonight, Ric wants an opponent. This brings out…..Vampiro? As WCW races to find out how old Vampiro is, he agrees to give Flair a beating tonight. I know Vampiro isn’t the most popular guy in the world, but a veteran fighting a young guy is very, very good.
La Parka’s dubbed voice talks about how he’s back. Gene: “Not this again.”
David Flair is annoyed at Daffney for Buff hitting on her.
Nash thinks he needs to call Alfred…..but gets Ralphus. Oh yeah this is going to be good.
Berlyn vs. La Parka
Sure why not. Berlyn rants about how much American sucks and how he can’t wait to get out of Reno. I’ll take cheap heat over no heat. La Parka does the chair dance but Berlyn doesn’t like dancing gimmicks and dropkicks him down. Fans: “USA!” La Parka tries a DDT but gets countered into a German legsweep, only to have the masked man go up top and hit a corkscrew dive for the pin in less than a minute. The TV version doesn’t make it any more logical.
Bagwell blames Kidman for the KidCam footage earlier tonight. Kidman says the camera was stolen….and doesn’t do anything else. In a normal world, that would set up a match but here, it sets up a commercial.
Shane challenges Tank Abbott to a fight. Actually Shane is now calling himself Mike Jones (his real name). Big Al and the knife aren’t mentioned, which is probably better for everyone.
Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair
David gives Daffney the crowbar and tells her to shut up. That’s not nice. A quick slam puts Buff down so he comes back and punches David in the face a few times. Buff nails a clothesline and punches Flair in the face to break up a sunset flip. I’m really not sure who I’m supposed to be cheering for here and I’m really not sure I care anyway. David loses his shirt and here come Maestro and Symphony because their thing on Monday is turning into a feud. Daffney yells at the two of them and holds up the crowbar, which David is sent into head first, setting up a reverse DDT to give Bagwell the pin.
Post match Bagwell beats up Maestro and Symphony. Again, who am I supposed to cheer for here?
SuperBrawl clips. Clips, not stills.
Tank Abbott vs. Mike Jones
It’s Virgil, who gets punched out in about a minute. I don’t think the details in between are all that important.
Ralphus comes in to see Nash (despite not recognizing him on the phone). The big man (Nash that is) thinks Sid is the Joker. Ralphus: “Concussion?” Nurse: “Bingo.” Nash: “B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o!” Dang it I laughed. Why did I have to laugh?
Vampiro vs. Ric Flair
Please don’t waste him. Please don’t waste him. Please don’t waste him. The fact that I’m begging for Vampiro to look good is a very telling sign. They start slow with Vampiro hitting an early shoulder before grabbing a legbar out of nowhere, sending Flair off to the ropes. Vampiro flips out of a knee crusher and hits some clotheslines. Flair bails to the floor as we’re firmly in his formula. Back in and Flair gets in a thumb to the eye to set up the chops in the corner.
That earns Flair a spinwheel kick as this is going exactly as it needed to. The guillotine legdrop misses though and we’ve got a knee injury. My goodness Flair has a great luck streak of opponents coming up with a bad knee against him. Some kicks to the leg set up a Figure Four but Vampiro small packages him for two. Cue Luger and Liz to make sure Vampiro is put in his place. Vampiro kicks him down again but Luger hits him in the knee with a ball bat, setting up the Figure Four for the win.
Rating: C. Well….it was an improvement. Notice that Flair is more than willing to let Vampiro get in a ton of offense before the ending, making it a far more even match. That’s the key thing that so many wrestlers never got: you can take a beating and even take a loss, because if you’re someone at or even near Flair’s level, you can get a single win or cut a single promo and no one is going to remember this. For Vampiro, it’s one of the biggest matches of his career. Why almost no one else ever got that is beyond me, but it would have done wonders for WCW.
Vampiro gets a big beatdown post match.
Kidman and Booker are a team now.
Vampiro won the match by DQ due to Luger and Flair beating him down. It’s better than nothing at least. For some reason Finlay jumps Vampiro from behind.
We recap Dustin Rhodes turning on Funk on Nitro.
Here’s Dustin to explain his actions, but first he has to tell a fan to shut up. If Funk respects him so much, why did he do what he did on Monday? He was born and bred into this business to be great but all he wound up with was a broken home and a closet full of gold costumes. If you don’t like his new attitude, you can all CENSORED off because he doesn’t care anymore. Dustin remembers all the nights that Terry put his daddy in the hospital.
Dusty isn’t here anymore but Dustin is here to kill Funk if he messes with the Rhodes Family. He can’t wait to light up a victory cigar and put it out on Funk….who appears on the screen. If Dustin wants to rekindle the Rhodes vs. Funk feud then so be it, because both Dusty and Dustin are big piles of manure. Dustin beats up some production guys because he’s an EVIL cowboy. It was a pretty good promo, but it’s setting up a match against Terry Funk, which defeats the purpose.
This Week In WCW Motorsports.
Mickie Jay gets permission to beat up Slick Johnson. Why is this still a thing? Seriously, who thinks that a referee feud is worth anything? If it isn’t Nick Patrick or Earl Hebner or Charles Robinson not as Little Naitch, who cares?
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Crowbar
Prince is defending, but first we get to hear Paisley talk about what a genius he is. Right. Anyway, after Crowbar lays his namesake gently in the corner, Prince slaps him in the face to get things going. Iaukea slowly stomps away because that’s what fans want out of the cruiserweight division. An attempt at a toss over the ropes doesn’t work though and Crowbar headscissors him out to the floor.
Crowbar hits a splash off the apron but Charles Robinson grabs Crowbar’s crowbar to keep this fair. Back in and the middle rope DDT is countered into a northern lights suplex for two on the champion but the girls get involved to flirt with the opposite guys. Cue a catfight with Daffney losing her wig, allowing Iaukea to hit a superkick and the middle rope DDT (read as a forearm to the back) to retain the title.
Rating: D+. Iaukea reminds me of the old World Junior Heavyweight Champions from the early 1980s. They didn’t wrestle anything like the cruiserweight style and were really just wrestlers at a lower weight having matches, which doesn’t make for entertaining matches most of the time. Crowbar continues to be a hidden gem and likely destined to be cannon fodder for Brian Knobbs.
Sid is ready for the main event against Luger.
The Wall vs. Disco Inferno
2XS attacks the Mamalukes in the back, leaving Disco all alone. Panic sets in and Disco tries to offer Wall a handicap title match but gets kicked in the face instead. A press slam drops Disco again but he avoids a charge in the corner. Disco hammers away with a clothesline, punches, stomps and a neckbreaker but runs right into the chokeslam for the pin. Wall wins again, which is a good sign before some old midcarder beats him.
Luger and Liz are ready for Sid. For some reason Luger calls himself Sid.
Booker/Kidman vs. Harris Twins
So much for letting this build up. The Leave it to Beaver music is gone, somehow making Booker even lamer. Ron throws Kidman around to start until Kidman scores with a dropkick and Bodog. That’s about it for Ron selling though as he throws Kidman outside instead of trying to do anything interesting. To be fair it’s getting him the biggest push of his career so why change things up? Back in and a side slam sets up the tag off to Don, who whips Kidman across the ring twice and tags back out.
Kidman finally counters a slam with a headscissors and makes the hot ta…..oh wait I can’t say hot for Booker after the lawsuit. Uh…..Kidman makes the tag with absolutely no temperature relevance whatsoever and Booker cleans house. A Rock Bottom plants Don and sets up the ax kick but Kidman gets laid out on the floor, allowing an H Bomb to pin Booker.
Rating: D+. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Booker has been in a feud about the letter T. and Kidman has been having a semi-featured feud with Vampiro and now they’re teaming together for a glorified squash against the Harris Twins, who are lackeys for a midcard champion chasing the World Title. Welcome to WCW in 2000.
Video on Regal vs. Duggan for the TV Title this Saturday on Saturday Night. That sounds like a way to write Regal out of the company.
Total Package vs. Sid Vicious
Non-title and the NWO is watching from the back. Sid shoves Luger around with ease and throws him to the floor for the worst ram into the steps I’ve ever seen. There must have been at least ten inches between Lex’s face and the steps but he sold it anyway. These guys just do not care anymore and it’s very obvious. Back in and Lex wins a test of strength but Sid fights up as heroes always do. The powerbomb is loaded up but Flair runs in to slug away on Sid for no effect. Luger gets chokeslammed but Liz gives him the ball bat to break up a powerbomb for the DQ. Yeah that Flair interference wasn’t enough for a bell.
Rating: D. Maybe in 1990 but it doesn’t work here. This was another lame main event match between the “draws” as Luger continues to be one of the worst top stars I’ve seen in a long time. All he does are forearms and punches plus the motion for the Rack. Luger and Flair are decent as a heel team but it stops as soon as Lex gets in the ring.
Flair and Luger beat Sid up and the NWO (you can tell it’s them as they now have an NWO sign in their room) is stopped by some referees. Jarrett guitars Mickie Jay to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. This was still bad, but it was at least better. There are some things going on in here like the Flair vs. Vampiro match and the KidCam stuff, but of course there’s more than enough bad bringing it back down. The Dustin vs. Funk feud could work better if Funk could actually work a match instead of a brawl, but at least there’s something new there. I’ll take small glimmers where I can get them, but this was just a few steps better than the drek they’ve been putting on recently.
Monday Nitro – February 21, 2000: I’ll Take Silver Linings Where I Can Get Them
Monday Nitro #228 Date: February 21, 2000
Location: Arco Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 9,408
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
It’s the night after SuperBrawl and almost nothing has changed. That’s about as close to the truth as you can get here as no titles changed hands, unless you count a tournament final for a new champion. The big story continues to be Hogan/Sting vs. Flair/Luger as we’re back in the earliest days of this show, minus Randy Savage. Let’s get to it.
Quick recap, with clips instead of stills. Yeah even WCW knows no one was buying the replay.
The NWO, all three of them, arrive. Jarrett promises to get the title by the end of the night but doesn’t even have the US Title on him.
Gene tries to bring out Hulk Hogan to start but here’s Luger instead. Luger calls out anyone that cares about this business to match his physique and yells about the lack of respect. He keeps ranting about Hogan’s arm being broken so here’s Hulk with something to say. Hulk was tired about hearing Luger wanting a next time, so how about that next time being tonight? Oh and there’s a cage above the ring in case someone wanted a challenge, so the rematch is on.
The announcers run down the card for tonight. I can get this on a TV show, but the pay per view version still makes no sense.
Here’s the NWO as the announcers talk about James Brown. That’s still a sore subject guys. Jarrett is tired of being screwed but has a contract saying he’s guaranteed a rematch in case he didn’t leave SuperBrawl with the title. Jarrett says Nash signed that contract, which might be due to the concussion from the guitar shot last week. One last thing: the Harris Brothers are going to be going after anyone Jarrett picks tonight. Great. Another boring team running rampant all night. Can you really still call these guys the NWO when none of them wear NWO gear?
Sid arrives, sans bags or title.
Kidman can’t find his camera.
Madusa looks at the card for tonight and is annoyed that she isn’t on it. She rants about Oklahoma because we need a recap and breaks the board as she shouts about wanting a women’s division. Apparently this is all Oklahoma’s fault.
Kidman vs. Lash Leroux
They trade some flips to start as the announcers debate if Jarrett’s document is valid. It’s going to be one of those stories isn’t it? Speaking of one of those, it’s one of those nights as the Twins come in and destroy Kidman and Leroux. I’m so glad to see Kidman being rewarded for his awesome work recently.
Whoever has stolen the KidCam films Buff Bagwell hitting on Symphony and ripping on Maestro. She turns him down so he says this never happened.
Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay
During the entrances, Tony shills the WCW Magazine, featuring a profile on NWO 2000, complete with Nash and Bret. Finlay blocks an early spinwheel kick and hits Vampiro with his cast. They head outside as Tony promises a ruling on the Jarrett situation next segment. I wait with bated breath. On top of that, the cage match will be last man standing. Heaven forbid Luger take two falls in two days.
Finlay hits him in the throat with a chair and of course the referee is fine with it. Back in and Finlay puts on a half crab of all things but he’s no Lance Storm, meaning Vampiro easily escapes and hits a top rope spinwheel kick, followed by Finlay missing a charge into the post to give Vampiro the rollup pin.
Rating: D. Why do we even have referees at this point? A cast shot and a chair to the throat aren’t enough to draw a DQ? Vampiro does seem like someone who is getting a push, which makes me wonder why he didn’t go over Kidman last night. At least he’s walking after that semi-botched reverse tornado DDT or whatever it was.
Maestro jumps Buff and we’ve got a match for later.
Madusa whispers something to La Parka. He says si.
Booker is upset that he’s lost so many things in his life but he wants Stevie Ray to know that it’s over.
Booker vs. Big Vito
Before the match, Disco has an offer for Booker: he can fight a handicap match for the Tag Team Titles. A right hand seems to be a yes and we’re on.
Tag Team Titles: Booker vs. Mamalukes
The team takes over on the outside until it’s Vito taking over inside, only to have Booker kick both of them down. The Spinarooni sets up the side kick but Disco crotches Booker on the top for the DQ. What in the world was the point of the handicap match if that’s how it was ending?
The Harris Twins come in and clean house.
Terry Funk, with Dustin Rhodes behind him, says you can’t keep him down when he has someone like Rhodes in his corner. Dustin is tougher than his dad and tonight they’ll take care of, who else, the Harris Twins. Rhodes says he would bet on the two of the and tonight the Twins bite the dust. Even if they do, it won’t be a disqualification.
Main event stills.
Sid is livid about something he saw.
Harlem Heat, with Big T. all in pink for reasons I’m not interested in, says that’s what happens to someone like Booker when they turn their back on everyone. Biggs says they have all the royalties now. The new member, formerly known as 4×4, is dubbed Cassius. This would be a better reveal if Madden hadn’t said the name in a throwaway line earlier.
Cruiserweight Title: La Parka vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea
The Artist is defending and Oklahoma is on commentary. I’m not even going to wait on this one: La Parka is Madusa. You know it, I know it, and thankfully they make no attempt to hide it. More importantly than that though, I really don’t want to know what Madusa agreed to in order to get that suit, or what La Parka looks like in Madusa’s gear, which he must be wearing at the moment.
Oklahoma gets in the ring and rips the mask off to shock no one. She slaps at Oklahoma because she’s forgotten she knows martial arts, but here’s the real La Parka to hit Oklahoma with a chair. That earns him a middle rope DDT from the pin from the Prince because somehow, that was still a match.
Flair rants about Hogan as Luger warms up.
Terry Funk/Dustin Rhodes vs. Harris Brothers
They’re a team now for reasons. Jarrett jumps in on commentary as the Twins take over to start. Ron slugs Funk down and gets two off an elbow drop as Dustin plays cheerleader. At least he’s not in the 99 Goldust attire at the time. A slam gets two more as I’m thinking having the Twins just run in and hurt people is better than sitting through them wrestle.
The Twins start switching as they’re wearing the same clothes and does it really matter? Well, it does if you’re fighting for the World Title but we won’t hear about that on TV anyway. Terry takes over on Don and puts on the toehold but a Jarrett distraction breaks it up. Sid comes out to chase Jeff away, but not before he knocks out a security guard. We follow the chase to the back and come back to Dustin coming in and turning on Funk. That’s enough of the match so we cut to Jarrett getting in the car. Back to Rhodes wearing Terry out with a chair and that’s the DQ.
Rating: D-. This is going to be the Harris Twins’ show and that wouldn’t fly even in Memphis. Rhodes vs. Funk is as close as we’re going to get to a young guy getting a rub right now so I guess I should be happy, but Dustin on his own is one of the least interesting characters in wrestling. You can see the bullrope match coming from here.
Dustin wears him out even more until the referees break it up.
Buff is ready for Maestro and basically blames the match on Symphony.
Dustin beats up Terry again and steals the ambulance.
Gene says Dustin is on the same route Jarrett is in. I know Gene is good but being able to tell where Jarrett went when he pulled out of a parking lot is impressive.
Sid comes out and says he’ll give Jeff the rematch at Uncensored. He treats this as far more serious than he should.
Kidman and Booker want to fight the Twins.
Ric thinks Dustin did the right thing and wants to send a message to Hogan.
Buff Bagwell vs. Maestro
Maestro, the angry one, gets beaten up to start and the fans seem to approve. Buff slugs him to the mat and runs outside to hit on Symphony, but Maestro knocks her over by mistake. Maestro doesn’t seem to mind as he hammers away, only to have Cat come out for a distraction, allowing Bagwell to hit the Blockbuster for the pin.
Miller isn’t done yet though as he comes to the ring and talks about the bet that Maestro set up. Due to Brown being there, Maestro has to listen to whatever music Miller picks, which is some loud rap music. Maestro goes nuts and beats up Billy Silverman until the music goes off, which calms him back down. I haven’t mentioned it yet but Maestro is the nephew of the original Gorgeous George and you can see the talent there. It really is hit and miss with different families.
Chae and Tygress dance in cages.
We see Hacksaw Jim Duggan as TV Champion on Saturday Night after pulling the title belt out of the trash. Anyone was allowed to challenge him, so Robert Gibson of all people came out and got beat. Steven Regal came out and asked for a shot after the match and Duggan accepted for next week with Regal’s career on the line. I’d be stunned if Saturday Night was ever mentioned on Nitro again.
The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Wall jumps him from behind, which is becoming way too common these days. Bigelow is sent into the post and Wall starts on the arm of all things. They get inside with Wall kicking him in the face and stomping away on the mat. A middle rope legdrop misses though as the announcers actually talk about the match. The top rope headbutt gets two for Bam Bam and a belly to back gets the same. They’re playing up the idea that Wall won’t stay down. Another belly to back puts Wall down but he pops to his feet and chokeslams Wall off the top for the pin.
Rating: D+. The match was the junk you would expect but they’re doing a good job of setting Wall up for someone to stop. Naturally I’m expecting some old guy to get the win and the whole thing to be a waste of time, but it’s always cool to see someone getting a push like this. Of course this is assuming you ignore Jim Duggan beating him at house shows around this time.
Hogan is behind a piece of cage and screaming for Luger.
Ric wants to fight Arn Anderson. Arn just sitting there staring at him is perfect, as you can imagine Arn doing that to Ric in a thousand bars over the years.
Hogan is ready for Luger and talks about exorcisms for some reason. He still tries to say he’s a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid, but regular Hulk cheats like Hollywood did so no one can tell the difference. Hogan is very glad Sting was there last night, but tonight it’s one on one.
Luger and Flair beat up Jimmy Hart and drag him to the ring for the main event.
Total Package vs. Hulk Hogan
Last man standing in a cage. Back from a break with Luger and Flair beating Hart up at ringside. Some friend Hogan is as he waits for the show to come back to run out for the save. Hulk cleans house with a chair until Ric gets in a low blow. Luger chairs him down and we’re still waiting on them to get inside the cage. They finally get in with Luger stomping away, because that has worked so well on Hogan over the years.
As I finish typing that, Hogan gets up and punches Luger down before ramming him into the buckle ten straight times. Such total devastation! Luger sends him into the cage to take over and the fans actually boo for a change. A bunch of elbows allow Luger to mock Hogan’s posing (oh geez, MOCKING HULK HOGAN???) before hitting the same suplex that triggered the Hulk Up last night.
This time it’s enough to set up the Rack but Luger drops him down and I think you know what’s coming. Flair comes back down (he left?) as Hogan hits the legdrop. The chops that have never worked on Hogan still don’t work and the beating is on. Luger gets in a chair shot to put Hogan down and a bunch of stomping (plus breaking Doug Dillinger’s arm) ends the show. No winner, or Sting for that matter.
Rating: D. Just like last night, this was lame stuff but at least Luger did his big move before the Hulk Up. I really don’t know why this feud needs to continue but I’m assuming we’re getting Hogan vs. Flair AGAIN at Uncensored. The last man standing rule was just a way to prevent Luger from losing while Flair got down there, which could have easily been avoided by having Flair run down during the Hulking Up, but why go simple when you can go complicated.
Overall Rating: D-. I don’t know if it was just the energy but I liked this show a bit better than the last few editions. It’s still a horrible show but at least they were moving around and keeping things from getting boring. That being said, the Jarrett/Harris tandem has hit their ceiling and now we’re going to get to wait until Uncensored to get to anything new. However, speaking of new, there is one thing I like: Booker and Kidman teaming together to fight the Harris Twins. It’s nothing great, but it’s a nice step up for Kidman and ANYTHING other than the Harlem Heat feud for Booker. I’ll take silver linings where I can get them.
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SuperBrawl 2000 Date: February 20, 2000
Location: Cow Palace, San Francisco, California
Attendance: 8,569
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay
Well the TV shows have been some of the least interesting things I’ve ever had to sit through, so maybe the pay per view will be the complete opposite and be entertaining. I mean, stranger things have happened right? The main events tonight are Sid Vicious defending the World Title against Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall in a three way, plus Hogan vs. Luger and Funk vs. Flair because they haven’t replaced the Radicalz, but these old guys are still going to be fighting each other no matter who else is on the card. Let’s get to it.
The opening video starts by focusing on Funk vs. Flair. The start of Funk’s promo overlaps the opening narration as they can’t even get something simple like “wait five more seconds” right. Sid defending the World Title is billed third here.
We open with, of course, a promo. Jarrett and the Twins leave the Commissioner’s office along with the girls, much to Gene’s shock. Much to my shock too as the Twins were banned from the building. Jarrett says he’s in charge due to hitting Nash with the guitar on Thunder. His first ruling: the Twins are allowed at ringside.
The announcers run down the card to fill in even more time, including the “Special Main Event Match” with The Demon vs. The Wall.
We recap the Cruiserweight Title tournament, including the matches between people not even in the finals. This gets us to over ten minutes of filler before the first match starts.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Lash Leroux
The title is vacant coming in and Artist has Paisley with him. Lash spanks Paisley and gets punched in the face. Some southern gentleman. Prince hammers away at the shoulder (allegedly head) in the corner but gets shoved down onto a very loud ring. Lash’s version of Flip Flop and Fly is broken up by a superkick to the face, only to get sent to the floor for a dive from the southern non-gentleman. Back in and Prince doesn’t seem to mind being crushed by a dive as he ties Lash up in the Tree of Woe for a running knee. Oh yeah Kevin Sullivan is in charge.
Lash tries a sunset flip but Iaukea grabs Charles Robinson’s crotch to stay on his feet before licking his own finger and pressing it to Lash’s head. The Artist keeps yelling at the referee (to be fair Robinson didn’t seem to like having his crotch grabbed) and Paisley gets on the apron for no apparent reason other than to give us a bright purple bodysuit as a distraction. Lash slugs away but the Paisley distraction lets Prince hit the middle rope DDT for the pin and the title.
Rating: D. This was a Thunder match with a lame ending that did nothing to get the fans into the show. These two are the least interesting guys in the entire tournament (yes, less interesting than Kaz Hayashi) and they wind up in the finals. A member of 3 Count should have won this and then feuded with some other cruiserweight to build that person up as the new big deal. Instead it goes to Iaukea, who isn’t over and hasn’t been over in about three years since he beat Regal for the TV Title. Calling him over back then is a stretch but it’s as close as he ever got otherwise.
Norman Smiley has his ribs taped up after being chokeslammed through a table on Thunder.
Brian Knobbs yells about never giving up.
There’s a private room that no one is allowed inside. If no one is allowed inside, why bother looking at it? In theory wouldn’t that mean no one is inside in the first place?
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs
Brian is challenging so naturally he lost on TV this week. He also has a broken arm thanks to Luger. The brawl starts early and here’s Fit Finlay, who has been feuding with Knobbs in recent weeks but of course starts helping him here. Madden: “The title moves around a lot.” Bigelow is the third champion in about four months. That’s not moving around that fast. The World Title has changed hands seven times in January. If the Hardcore Title moves around a lot, the World Title took third in the 100m at the 1984 Olympics.
Knobbs and Bigelow fight into the back as Tenay says no one holds the belt that long. The first reign was a month and a half and the second was about a month. Would a little research kill these people? Bigelow throws him into a table of stuff but Finlay blasts the champ in the back of the head. Finlay is too talented to be involved here though and Knobbs says he wants to do this himself.
They head back to the ring where it’s table time, which leads to an interesting, semi-fourth wall breaking discussion of why there are so many tables under the ring. Knobbs sends himself through the table by mistake, setting up the Greetings From Asbury Park. Bigelow goes up top instead of covering and gets hit with with cast, knocking him out to the floor to give Brian the pin and the title.
Rating: F. It was boring, it didn’t make sense, and above all else it was poorly researched. If there’s one thing I want in my hardcore matches, it’s a heavily detailed bibliography with footnotes and references, along with a recommendation of other hardcore matches worth watching for further education. Is that too much to ask?
Flair and Luger are ready.
Sid and Hall’s dressing rooms are guarded.
3 Count vs. Norman Smiley
No singing tonight because it’s time to fight. No shoulder pads for Norman tonight either. Norman’s ribs are injured thanks to Wall chokeslamming him through a table. Tony: “Let’s take a look at the angle that lead to his injury.” Smiley cleans house to start and backdrops Shannon so hard over the top that he clears the other band members.
3 Count takes over without going after the ribs, though in their defense the ribs are covered by a 49ers jersey. The ribs are fine enough for a giant swing to Helms but Shannon breaks up the Big Wiggle. Shane and Shannon stop to dance, allowing Norman to wiggle instead. The band finally finds the bad ribs and stomps Norman down in the corner, setting up a pair of top rope splashes and a Boston crab to make Smiley give up.
Rating: D. So you give Norman a 3-1 disadvantage and an injury and then have him lose. Points for being logical, points taken away for killing the crowd by having the fan favorite lose. I like that they’re pushing 3 Count, but if they think this is going to get the fans to care about them, they’re even more lost than I thought.
Jarrett wants the Harris Brothers to find out who is in the locked room.
The Demon vs. The Wall
This is the MAIN EVENT MATCH, which is WCW’s way of fulfilling their contract with Kiss without wasting a main event on Demon. There’s no Wall because he realized how stupid this whole thing is. Demon goes to find him and gets jumped from behind, triggering another brawl.
Wall takes it inside and chokes with his boot as this is looking like a squash to start. Demon comes back with a clothesline and stomps away before mixing it up by punching in the corner. Back up and Wall drops him ribs first onto the ropes, only to get slammed off the top. The fans are already jeering this match so thankfully Wall chokeslams him off the top for the pin.
Rating: F. On pay per view mind you. This actually happened on pay per view. But it was a MAIN EVENT MATCH so everything is fine right? Demon was a character that was dead in the water before he started but at least they seem to be trying with Wall. I’d be stunned if he isn’t just being built up as cannon fodder for someone else but he’s getting a push for now.
Ernest Miller promises that James Brown is here. Apparently Beethoven stole his stuff from Little Richard, who stole it from James Brown. The things you learn around here.
The Twins can’t get into the room.
We recap Tank Abbott vs. Big Al, because this needs a story. Actually it does, as I have no idea why they’re fighting. Al is Tank’s former bodyguard from the UFC, so they’re having a leather jacket on a pole match.
Tank Abbott vs. Big Al
Al is in jeans and a biker vest. He takes off his belt and they tie their hands together, which means Tank is going to have to……oh dear goodness he’s going to have to wrestle. Or just throw left hands and swear a lot. Al hits him with a forearm that breaks the belt and seems to knock Tank out cold. Then he takes forever to wrap Tank’s legs around the post but stops, says that’s too good for him, and gets back inside. Back in and Al stands on his face, making sure to lean against the ropes.
Tank slugs him down and then throws Al onto his shoulders. For some reason he climbs all the way to the top, where he drops Al down, sending him feet first into the steps and head second onto the floor. By the way, to Bill Watts, THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE MATS OUT THERE (I read his book recently and he still thinks the biggest danger is a sprained ankle if you step on the edge). With Al somewhere between unconscious and dead, Tank goes out and hits him once in the chest before going up for the jacket and the win.
Rating: Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride. That’s as logical of a rating as I can give you after this. We had Al, who just appeared but has never wrestled before and I don’t believe will after this match, against Tank Abbott, who also isn’t a wrestler (at least by my definition), in a match about a leather jacket. Throw in the likely brain trauma for Al and this is one of the biggest calamities I’ve ever seen.
And now, for the infamous part. Abbott finds a knife in one of the jacket pockets and holds it over the unconscious Al’s throat, where he says he could kill Al right now. Tony suggests that they were scissors and that Abbott was going to cut Al’s beard. That line has been mocked a lot over the years, but I’ll actually give Tony credit for thinking it up that fast. Have you got a better idea for what he should be saying there? Now that being said, it would have been a lot better if Al actually had a beard.
We recap the battle of Harlem Heat. Stevie Ray claimed that Booker had forgotten where he came from and has since given Booker’s spot on the team to Big T. This of course includes the rights to the letter T. Booker was also arrested on attempted murder charges because he hit an atomic drop on J. Biggs. That’s a bit harsh. I mean, maybe he was just trying to cut off Biggs’ beard.
Booker tries to keep it simple by saying he’ll teach Big T. a lesson tonight. The T isn’t mentioned.
Booker vs. Big T.
For the rights to Harlem Heat. Oh and Booker has Leave It To Beaver music because he’s lost the rights to the Harlem Heat song. Stevie has promised that someone is coming back from Booker’s past to cost him the match tonight. That pretty much leaves Sherri Martel and Midnight unless it’s someone new. T. pounds on not-T to start but Booker comes back with a weak Angle Slam and a suplex.
Stevie grabs Booker’s foot (sounds like a hostile takeover of the B on Booker’s boot) so T. can knock Booker to the floor. Back in and Booker hits his kicks before knocking Biggs off the apron. There’s the Book End and missile dropkick but the lights go out. Thank goodness the referee counted so slowly. The bell tolls midnight and the lights come up with a large man (maybe 4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers) to distract Booker, setting up the Pearl River Plunge to pin Booker. I guess it was too much to ask the guy to actually do anything but stand there.
Rating: D-. Now, NEVER LET THEM FIGHT AGAIN. Big T. is worthless at this point and adding someone even bigger doesn’t make the team mean anything more. Booker is stuck in this stupid story because the idea of moving him up the card is a sin of some sort. I’m sure we’ll get another match though as Booker will find someone to team with him next time.
The Maestro is sick of hearing about James Brown and has a bet in mind: if Brown isn’t here, Miller has to be Maestro’s servant. If Brown is here, Maestro will listen to any music Miller picks exclusively. Keep in mind that this whole bet has been set up on the night of the show with about 100 minutes of air time left. This falls under the theory that if you have a good looking woman in the background (Symphony here), the scene is much easier to sit through.
The Twins beat up a backstage worker who can’t unlock the door. I know they’re not known for being too bright, but is it that complicated to have two 6’6 300lb monsters kick in a wooden door?
We get a WAY too long recap of Kidman vs. Vampiro, who had two good TV matches and then Vampiro walked out on him in a tag match. Tonight is the tiebreaker and the Wall is also involved in some way, though he isn’t appearing in this match. Therefore, I’m sure you get why he’s featured in the recap video. The video goes on for nearly two minutes, which might set a record for the longest recap of a midcard match ever.
Vampiro vs. Kidman
The announcers spend the entrances talking about how Kidman has moved up from the Cruiserweight division, which is a nice sentiment but I’m not sure how accurate it really is given that he’s fighting Vampiro in a midcard match. Feeling out process to start with Kidman grabbing a headlock (a non-cruiserweight headlock of course) but Vampiro punches him in the head, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him out to the floor.
Back in and Vampiro scores with a dropkick as the fans are eerily silent. A quick shot of Torrie helps a bit and Kidman counters a powerbomb (duh), only to have his knee dropkicked out from under him. Torrie gets knocked off the apron so Kidman snaps Vampiro’s neck across the top to go check on her. Madden does his best Jerry Lawler impression but it comes off as far more creepy stalker than loveable dirty old man like Lawler. Vampiro slams Kidman in and gets two off a snap suplex.
A Fameasser (called the Dropper according to Tenay) gets two more as Madden makes up a bit for being creepy by saying this could be a US Title match in a year and a World Title match in two years. Kidman’s top rope hurricanrana (which he used to win the first match) gets two but Vampiro blows my mind by doing the unthinkable: he powerbombs Kidman……TWICE!!! Since the announcers don’t get one of Kidman’s biggest deal, they treat this as nothing special.
In a very quick ending, Kidman goes up top for a sunset bomb but turns around into a kind of super reverse DDT for the pin. It looked really awkward and Vampiro is slow to get up. It’s not quite Big Al being dropped onto the concrete from above the top rope, but that was a totally non-cruiserweight pulling Vampiro down in a reverse DDT. That has to hurt.
Rating: C-. Pretty uninspired stuff here but at least they only took seven matches to get something to go six minutes. This was treated like a big feud but it never came off as anything more than taking two guys with talent and throwing them together because the company had nothing better to do with them. Somehow I’m sure they’ll be blamed for the crowd not caring after an hour of really dull stuff.
Funk promises to win the death match with Dustin Rhodes in his corner.
Sid tells security to get away from his door.
David Flair, Daffney and Crowbar have fun with the stretcher.
We recap the Tag Team Title match, which is over Vito’s sister’s wedding being broken up by the crazy people. Therefore, tonight is an Italian stretcher match for the Mamalukes’ titles in the third match between these teams.
The Mamalukes don’t accept their family being hurt by anyone. It’s so bad that Johnny doesn’t want a cheese sandwich.
Tag Team Titles: Crowbar/David Flair vs. Mamalukes
Mamalukes are defending and this is suddenly a Sicilian stretcher match. Both members of a team have to be taken up the aisle on stretchers to end this. The brawl starts on the floor, as you would expect, with Disco getting in on commentary as you would also expect. Naturally we look at him as Tony says this is a shoot to him. This is one place where I would prefer WWE’s current way too tough commentary restrictions. If any of those words were spoken on Raw, Vince would probably come out and beat Cole senseless live on TV.
The champions run down the crazy guys with a stretcher, which Daffney finds hilarious. They head inside instead of trying to take them the other way on the stretcher because this company’s wrestlers aren’t that bright. Daffney comes in for a hurricanrana on Johnny, which seems to just annoy him. A lead pipe to the back (so lead that it bends as it hits Johnny) puts Johnny down again and the champs are in trouble. The fans are trying to get into this but it’s really not lasting. My hearing isn’t lasting either after Daffney screeches into the camera.
Crowbar hits a Lionsault onto Vito and it’s time to break up the stretcher. Tony does his “I can’t believe we’re watching this” voice and Vito powerbombs Crowbar through the table. Apparently Disco has been poked in the eye and can’t tell what is happening to who. Johnny jumps from the mat to the top rope ala Shelton Benjamin for a spinning legdrop (with an acceptable pause for balance).
David is taped onto the stretcher and the referees wheel it to the back because……I don’t care why because this is closer to being over. Crowbar dives onto both Mamalukes as the fans are just silent here. Daffney rings the bell to confuse things even more, which somehow takes two minutes for the announcers to figure out. Vito splashes Crowbar through a table on the floor and puts he and Daffney (Madden: “The screams are usually a sign she’s enjoying herself.”) on the stretcher to finally end this.
Rating: D. There are multiple problems here, but the biggest problem is who was in the match. Flair and Crowbar are a freakshow team and the Mamalukes are just ok. That’s the problem with them: they’re just so average that there’s nothing interesting to say about them. The other problem here is we’ve covered this already. The Mamalukes have beaten Flair and Crowbar three times now and there’s nothing left to say with this feud. Unfortunately, who else is there for them to feud with? 3 Count? The Harris Twins? That’s about as good as the division has at this point, which goes back to my request: HIRE NEW PEOPLE!
With the Mamalukes’ music still playing, Jarrett and the Twins leave their locker room. This was a fifteen second segment and changed nothing.
Sid promises to prove that he’s the World Champion because he deserves to be.
Here’s Ernest Miller for the big talking segment, which for some reason is about ERNEST MILLER. He dances to the ring and rips on the fans for being rednecks who didn’t believe he could get James Brown. “You didn’t believe me and James Brown were like two neckbones in a pot!” After some more insults, here’s a James Brown impersonator so bad that Rick Bognar is off somewhere shaking his head.
Cue the Maestro and Symphony because this is really happening on pay per view. Maestro sounds like he’s trying to use an accent but can’t decide what country it’s supposed to be from. Miller isn’t going to do anything Maestro says and there goes James’ sunglasses, revealing that it’s not the real one.
Cue a bunch of dancers, leading down the real James Brown with another entourage. The Maestro’s reaction (jaw hanging open and then fainting) is awesome but this just keeps going to destroy any good feelings. Miller and Brown dance and I think this is a face turn. I know I want to cheer for someone who was calling the fans stupid rednecks when this started but hey, he brought out a singer to dance with him.
The announcers act like this is awesome as it just continues. Brown gives Miller his cape for a passing of the torch or whatever but they have to pose on the apron before this is finally done. Total time between Miller’s music starting and cutting to ANYTHING else: 12:06, or longer than any match so far.
Hall talks about how he can go and the James Brown music is playing over his promo.
We recap Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk, which started with Funk saying he’s a bigger legend and that Flair is jealous. David Flair got beaten up but Ric wouldn’t help him, causing Arn Anderson to walk away from Ric. This is somehow a sequel to their famous feud in 1989 because there was no one young and talented for either guy to put over.
Flair says he’s awesome and drops a lot of catchphrases.
If you buy this show, you get a teddy bear! I could use a teddy bear to hold and rock back and forth as I scream into the darkness if the rest of the show is as bad as the first two hours.
Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Death match, meaning last man standing but you have to get a fall before the ten count starts. Dustin Rhodes is sitting in a chair to cheer Funk on as the guys slug it out in the corner. Flair rolls outside and the stalling begins but Funk quickly suplexes him back inside. There’s the spinning toehold but Flair punches his way out of it. They fight outside with Funk hitting another suplex as this is already in slow motion.
Ric is up first, only to take another suplex, drawing some very inappropriate language. He must have been watching that Tank Abbott mess earlier. Either way, the second suplex is good for a pin but Flair is up at five. To be fair it was just a suplex. Back up and Flair goes after the knees with some kicks and chair shots as Madden tries to play this off as a dramatic silence.
The Figure Four in the ring makes Funk give up quickly for a strategy play and is up before the count even gets close. Flair gets slammed off the top and piledriven on the floor but Funk would rather take back the floor mats than cover. They slug it out again because a piledriver on the floor only keeps you down for about ten seconds these days. Another piledriver on the mats gets a pin but Flair is up at about seven.
It’s table time but Funk has something to say first. He offers Ric the chance to quit and the response earns Flair a mic to the head. Normally that would be a heel move but I don’t think they have any idea who is a face or heel here so it’s acceptable. Funk puts Flair on the table as we cut to Dustin to remind us that he’s here. A really good looking piledriver through the table in the ring knocks Ric silly for…..two, as Terry pulls Ric up before the pin. Funk loads up another table and then covers (huh?) before hammering away at the head. Ric gets up and throws Funk through the table for the pin and the ten count to win.
Rating: C+. Good brawl here but the match was basically in slow motion throughout and the ending was lame. Dustin added nothing to this match and I still have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for. Also, Flair gets piledriven through a table and is on his feet less than two minutes later? Really? Still though, these two are going to have a good match through pure greatness and that’s how they pulled this one off.
Hulk Hogan, straight out of 1994, says the arm is just the break he’s been looking for. They had been teasing a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid coming into the show and there’s no sign of it. Of course. Hulk is willing to snap and crackle Liz if necessary.
Hulk Hogan vs. Total Package
Hogan has a broken arm coming in. Buffer’s entrance: “LET’S BRING EM ON!” Luger jumps him (Hogan, not Buffer) as he hits the ring but Hulk goes to the eyes, which is considered a Hollywood move. The rapid (work with me here) elbows (all two of them) set up some choking and Luger is thrown to the floor for the t-shirt rip. Hogan’s back being to the camera for the big shirt rip clearly shows that he doesn’t know how to work. Hogan slugs away on the floor but comes back inside to eat an elbow to the jaw. Oh yeah this is just going to be a punch and kick match.
Luger takes him back outside for some whips into the barricade but a cast shot to the face staggers Package. Ten rams each into two buckles set up a big right hand as the fans aren’t thrilled with Hogan’s schtick. A Liz distraction lets Luger get in more forearms to the back but Hogan sends him into the barricade again. Hart steals a ball bat from Liz, a suplex is no sold, Luger hits him low, Hart and Hogan both use their casts and the legdrop finishes Lex.
Rating: D. Remember a little while ago when Flair and Funk took a pretty lame match and made it work through pure charisma? Well apparently that only works if you have both guys trying as Hogan was his normal self but Luger was just walking through this match and doing even less than usual. You can’t even have Hulk no sell the steel forearm? The best we can get is a suplex? Worthless match but Hogan’s formula worked so long for a reason.
Post match Flair comes in to go after Hogan’s leg but Sting, with new makeup, returns for the big save. This segment could have easily taken place in 1995 and no one would have noticed the difference.
Hall comes out of his dressing room and sends the security away.
Sid does the same. These segments felt like the build to a commercial.
We recap the World Title match which is Sid defending against two guys feuding over the NWO shenanigans. That stable needs to die (again) already.
The door has been opened and apparently it wasn’t Sting inside. Thankfully they say Sting came from elsewhere in the arena to close a loophole. Unfortunately they leave open the “there was a cameraman on the door so HOW DO WE NOT KNOW WHO WAS INSIDE” loophole.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett
Sid is defending and this is one fall to a finish with No DQ. Jarrett is introduced as a five time World Champion combined (what does that even mean?) but not the US Champion. That’s awful even by WCW standards. Hall and Jarrett start fighting before Sid comes to the ring and we’ve got less than nine minutes to go in the show. Points to Buffer for still doing Sid’s entrance while Jarrett is running from Hall.
The champ gets double teamed as Hall and Jarrett’s feud is dropped for fear of Sid. That goes nowhere as the Twins interfere to give Jeff control. Jarrett stomps on both guys and Hall doesn’t even let him put on the sleeper before reversing it. The referee is decked maybe three minutes into this, which really shouldn’t mean much given that this is No DQ.
A double chokeslam (with Jeff jumping before Sid even had time to think about moving his arm. I know Sid is Sid, but Jarrett is better than that) gets two from new referee Nick Patrick and Ron gives Jarrett the belt. Sid gets knocked out and Hall grabs some rollups for two each on Jeff, who knocks the second referee out. Sid throws Jeff into a chair, allowing a third referee to count two for Hall. Sid fights the Twins but Jeff pokes the referee in the eye and gives him a Stroke. Come on just get to the finish.
Jarrett beats up the fourth referee before he can do anything and here’s crooked referee Slick Johnson. The Outsider’s Edge plants Jeff but Johnson has a sudden shoulder injury. I’m counting that as a ref bump. The guitar lays out Jarrett and here’s…..oh sweet goodness Roddy Piper is here in a referee’s shirt. He stops Johnson’s count at two, pokes Jarrett in the eye, and watches Sid plant Jeff with a chokeslam. Sid powerbombs Hall to retain with Piper counting, which is the last time we’ll see Hall in a WCW match.
Rating: F. This is another match where if you need an explanation, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. The match ran seven minutes, meaning we had a ref bump about every 100 seconds. On top of that, why does WCW insist on putting Roddy Piper on TV so often? It’s like Undertaker returning over and over: it works for awhile, and then there’s enough of them to make a full on DVD.
Overall Rating: F-. This show is one of the worst kind you can have: it didn’t need to exist and then on top of that it was horrible. What on here couldn’t have been done on TV? Even Flair vs. Funk, the longest match of the night by far at just under sixteen minutes, felt like a TV main event. There are matches on here that feel like they could be TV openers, which is nowhere near enough to make me want to pay to see this show. If the biggest things to happen on a show are a tournament final for the lowest title in the company and ANOTHER Roddy Piper return, there is no need for a show to exist, especially one this horrible.
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Thunder – February 16, 2000: Split Personality Hogan
Thunder Date: February 16, 2000
Location: First Union Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 5,586 Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay
It’s the go home show for SuperBrawl and the old guys abound. The big stories here are Hogan vs. Luger and Flair vs. Funk, one of which I can’t imagine appearing tonight because he’s worked the last two shows in a row. Other than that we get to find out if Prince Iaukea or Psychosis gets to fight Lash Leroux for the Cruiserweight Title. I continue to beg WCW to hire some fresh talent before too late sounds like great days gone by. Let’s get to it.
There’s a new opening sequence, which is a bit better looking than the previous one. This at least has more wrestling clips included.
Here’s executive representative Terry Taylor to open things up. Jeff Jarrett has been hitting too many people with guitars lately and Sid got into a fight with Hall in a hotel (meaning Hall got drunk/high on a flight, so he’s gone for a bit). Sid has volunteered to leave the building for the night as a result, which scares me to think about what could be headlining this show. Cue Jarrett to complain about people screwing with him and promises to take care of Sid and Hall on Sunday. Taylor takes a guitar and spray paint, which is going to get Jarrett over as the huge heel everyone knows he’s capable of being right?
Card rundown.
Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kaz Hayashi
Kaz is substituting for an injured Psychosis and the winner gets Lash Leroux on Sunday. Prince punches away in the middle and in the corner to start as Miss Hancock is here to watch. The punches go nowhere so Kaz hits a clothesline and punches of his own. A spinwheel kick drops Prince again but it’s time for the girls to get into it. That earns Hancock an ejection, allowing us to completely focus on this boring match. Prince avoids a backdrop and slaps Kaz in the face, followed by a dragon screw leg whip. The cool middle rope DDT sends Prince to the finals after a boring match.
Nash isn’t happy with Jarrett attacking Taylor.
Norman Smiley vs. The Wall
Smiley is rocking the Flyers gear this week. Wall no sells some clotheslines and kicks Norman square in the jaw, putting him out to the floor. That would be a better finisher than yet another person using a chokeslam. Norman whips him into the barricade but Wall shrugs it off again and plants him with a backbreaker. He may be a comedy guy but Norman can sell this power offense very well. Wall misses a sitdown splash and Norman comes back with his usual, only to dive off the middle rope into the chokeslam for the pin.
Rating: D. Bad result aside, it was always entertaining to see Norman out there doing his thing. What isn’t entertaining though is to see the same waste of a talent like Smiley for the sake of pushing some monster like Wall. However, at least Wall is someone young (33 here) getting a push. It’s better than the norm around here.
Norman gets chokeslammed through a table and EMTs come out to check on him.
Tank Abbott vs. Van Hammer
Tank wins with the usual in 45 seconds. Are they trying to recreate Goldberg?
Kidman yells at Vampiro backstage.
DDP book plug.
Nash hits on his nurses.
Here are Luger and Liz with something to say. Luger has turned the two of them into stars when he broke Hogan’s arm on Monday (not when he won the World Title or anything). He doesn’t need to brag about his incredible body because he has a new partner in Ric Flair. This brings out Ric, who shouts down fat boys and insults the Philadelphia fans by saying he and Luger are real athletes unlike Eric Lindros.
After some bragging about hurting Funk, here are Terry and Dustin Rhodes to say this is hardcore country. Ah yes, it had been a few weeks since they had used ECW to get their boring shows over. Funk says Dustin is better than his daddy and a challenge for a tag match is thrown down. Even the promos to set up the main events are boring.
The Mamalukes want to hurt David and Crowbar on Sunday. They’re Italians you see.
Harris Brothers vs. Kidman/Vampiro
Vampiro has new music but the Twins are a little bit country and jump him to start. A quick kick to the face staggers Ron and the hot tag brings in Kidman to dive onto both of them. Vampiro isn’t paying attention when Kidman tags him in though as these two guys, who spent weeks fighting, amazingly can’t get along.
Ron side slams Vampiro to take over before it’s off to Don for a Rock Bottom and powerslam. A chinlock goes nowhere so Vampiro comes back with a spinwheel kick and makes the tag. Kidman cleans house and hits his Bodog as Vampiro walks out, only to come back and take a chair that was aimed at Kidman, giving Don the pin.
Rating: D+. Can we just have Vampiro and Kidman fight again so we can get this over with? Maybe one of them can move up the ladder a bit as a result, but I’d assume they’ll be thrown into another meaningless midcard feud because they’re talented enough to put some worry into the people on top, who are guaranteed their spots because they’re the top stars.
Big Vito vs. Crowbar
Street fight. In the back, the Mamalukes jump Crowbar and lock David and Daffney in their locker room. Who would give those two a locker room? Couldn’t you put them in a storage closet and let them have fun there instead? Vito backdrops Crowbar onto a car but Crowbar does the same off a suplex and drops a leg for two. Daffney has escaped the room and is throwing what appear to be vegetables at the guys. Vito stomps away, throws Crowbar into a car and drops an elbow (just a regular elbow) for the pin. So much for that going anywhere.
Nash continues to hit on the nurses.
This Week In WCW Motorsports.
Mark Johnson vs. Mickie Jay
Yes they’re referees and yes, this is getting time instead of any of those young wrestlers who might benefit from a TV match. Mark, the evil crooked one, jumps Mickie from behind and wraps his leg around the post. Back in and more knee work sets up a middle rope elbow but Mark only hits mat. Cue the Harris Brothers to distract the referee, allowing the other to kick Mickie down for the pin. If this is the best use of their TV time, cancel Thunder already.
Fit Finlay vs. Brian Knobbs
This is a cast match before both guys have broken arms and Jimmy Hart, with a broken arm of his own, is guest referee. They’re quickly on the floor with Knobbs being sent arm first into the steps before the brawl goes into the crowd. Since you can’t see anything they quickly come back with Brian being sent into various metal objects. The Regal Roll gets two but Jimmy hurts his arm slapping the mat on the count. Finlay gets in a quick cast shot for the pin with Jimmy using the good arm to count. Another meaningless match with a #1 contender losing.
Jarrett is ticked off. As always.
We recap Hogan’s arm being broken.
In a pre-taped promo, Hogan talks about transforming into Hollywood and wanting to break Liz in half. I’ll let that one speak for itself, but my goodness drop the Hollywood character.
Dustin Rhodes/Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair/Total Package
Funk and Flair get things going with Terry taking him down for some left hands to the head. Everything quickly breaks down and Luger has to save Flair from a piledriver through the table. Back in again and Flair hits Terry low to take over. That’s fine with Terry who slams Ric off the top and loads up the spinning toe hold, only to have Luger make another save.
The heels finally start cutting the ring off and take over as I try to fathom who thought letting Terry Funk work the majority of the match was the right idea. Terry and Lex clothesline each other and Dustin comes in off the hot tag. Everything breaks down again and Liz hits Dustin with the ball bat, allowing Flair to Figure Four him for the pin.
Rating: F. This was the best idea they possibly had? Flair and Luger are a decent enough team as an upper midcard heel act, but Funk is killing it. I know he’s a legend and all that, but it’s getting embarrassing to watch his slow motion punches and expecting the fans to think they’re impressive.
Funk saves Dustin from more beatings.
Nash bans the Twins from SuperBrawl and gets guitared to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. Unless I’m forgetting something, which is possible as the levels of boredom on this show might have melted my brain, the only thing on here that is going to matter on Sunday is Prince beating Hayashi to go to the finals of the Cruiserweight Title tournament. This show means nothing and their match selection and booking of the card made it even worse.
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Monday Nitro – February 14, 2000: You Could Have Gotten Me Some Cheap Flowers Instead
Monday Nitro #227 Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.
The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.
We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.
Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.
Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.
Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.
The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.
Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.
Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.
3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.
Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count
Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.
Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.
Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.
3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.
Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.
Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.
Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller
33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.
Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?
Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.
Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.
Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka
You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.
Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.
Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.
The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.
Rhonda Singh vs. Mona
Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.
Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.
Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.
Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.
Total Package vs. Terry Funk
Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.
Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.
The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.
Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair
Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.
They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.
Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.
The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.
Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.
Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall
Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.
Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.
Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.
The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.
The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.
Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.
Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.
Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.
Booker vs. The Demon
Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan
This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.
Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.
Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.
Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.
Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.
US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious
Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.
A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.
Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.
Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.
Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.
Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.
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Thunder – February 9, 2000: Some Twisted Fever Dream From The Nightmares Of An 80’s Fan
Thunder Date: February 9, 2000
Location: Myriad Convention Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 7,124
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
The NWO has never had problems like this before! I mean they’re fighting amongst themselves and beating each other up! Other than that, the question here is which veteran is going to rip the company apart tonight and then get a big match instead of getting suspended or fired like they should. Let’s get to it.
Jarrett, the Twins and Hall arrive separately.
Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Lash Leroux vs. Shannon Moore
Lash cuts off the performance this week, making him twice as annoying. Granted that’s not saying much as he isn’t very annoying in the first place. 3 Count gets involved early and pulls Lash to the floor, allowing Shannon to hit a moonsault for two back inside. Lash blocks a spinwheel kick and sends Shannon into the corner, where he counters a bodyscissors and drops Moore chest first onto the buckle. A dropkick gets two on Shannon and he gets planted with something like an AA. Evan offers a distraction so the other bandmates can come in, only to be taken down by a double clothesline. Lash rolls Shannon up for a fast pin.
Norman Smiley breaks up the post match beatdown and promises to beat all of them up at SuperBrawl.
Time to run down the card.
Here’s the NWO, meaning just Jarrett and the Twins, with something to say. Jeff wants quiet from the fans before he starts beating up their heroes. Fans have been asking why Jeff did what he did on Monday when he attacked Hall. Who are these fans? I want them flogged. Hall was trying to take Jarrett’s title shot, even though he would get the title match anyway at SuperBrawl. Jarrett makes Sid/Funk vs. the Twins tonight just to screw with the champ. Tenay: “What’s wrong with that?”
Cue Hall, who reads HEY YO off a piece of paper. He doesn’t remember choosing Jarrett as the boss because Jeff doesn’t remember the time up north. Jeff has been invited into the clique down here and now he thinks he’s running the show. He’s just the acting commissioner until Nash comes back, so here’s Nash…..on the screen. Nash tells the women to stop with the massage for now because he has to yell at Jarrett.
Jeff can’t be left alone for five minutes and as a result, he’s no longer commissioner in any capacity. Back in Amazing Fantasy #15 in Spider-Man’s first appearance, it was said that with great power comes great responsibility. Jarrett did something bad to someone Nash cares about, so Jeff has to be punished.
The first idea was to cover him in barbecue sauce and put him in a cell with Meng, but then he had a better idea: leave him on a deserted island with Zbyszko so Larry can tell him about the time when he was on top of the territory. Hall: “NO KEV NOT THAT!” Nash can be a funny guy when he feels like it. Instead, how about Hall vs. Jarrett tonight with the title shot on the line. The survey says the fans approve (or maybe they just want to go home) and that’s that. So to be clear, this week the Outsiders are faces.
Jarrett is livid after a break.
Hardcore Title: Demon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Demon does his entrance from the coffin and gets hit with a crutch for the pin in three seconds. This is part of the “let’s bury Demon because we agreed to a deal with Kiss and then realized it was stupid but we have to fulfill our obligations” period.
Funk and Sid are ready for the Twins tonight.
Crowbar listens to Kiss because he’s crazy.
Booker vs. Stevie Ray
I would ask why not wait for SuperBrawl, but I guess you have to do this match while Booker is still out on bail for that attempted murder thing. Booker doesn’t want to fight his brother, but a Biggs distraction lets Stevie get in some cheap shots. A few kicks put Stevie down and Booker beats up Biggs, followed by a chair to Stevie. Booker leaves and there was no match.
Nash, on the phone, isn’t cool with Jarrett spending $57,000 on guitars last week so he makes Luger vs. Finlay for tonight.
Flair wants Hogan but will settle for Funk at SuperBrawl. They really are just doing the greatest hits catalog aren’t they?
Kidman vs. Crowbar
This could be good. Crowbar charges into the ring and Kidman pounds him down like a villain, or someone with a reason to be mad at Crowbar, would do. Back up and Crowbar intentionally throws dropkicks that miss for some taunting but Kidman just punches him in the face. They head outside with Kidman being whipped into the barricade, setting up a splash off the barricade. Well at least they’re keeping it moving so far.
Back in and Crowbar gets dropkicked out of the air, setting up the Bodog for two. The BK Bomb gets the same but Crowbar counters a headscissors into a kind of reverse Batista Bomb. I’ve always thought a reverse powerbomb would be a good finisher for someone. Kidman is in trouble but Torrie easily distracts the referee, allowing Crowbar to grab the crowbar. Crowbar takes a crowbar though and Kidman hits a quick hurricanrana for the pin.
Rating: C. These two are rapidly becoming some of my favorite people on the show. Crowbar may not be the most technically sound guy in the world but he’s playing his character so well that it’s hard not to like him. Kidman is probably the most polished worker on the roster right now (or at least the most polished who is actually trying) and it’s really showing.
Crowbar whips himself into the steps. That’s quite the dedication.
The NWO sends their women away.
Sid Vicious/Terry Funk vs. Harris Brothers
Sid comes out first because the title has no value these days. Jarrett, of course wearing the US Title which he has shown no signs of defending yet, is on commentary. Ron and Sid start with Ron taunting Funk, drawing him in for a Twins’ double team. Just like last week, Sid fights them off with ease because they’re the Harris Twins, allowing Funk to come in and cover Don for two. A DDT gets the same and it’s off to Ron for a chinlock.
Funk fights back with a shoulder as we hit slapnuts #5 from Jeff. The hot tag (more like mild and party cloudy) brings in Sid for a chokeslam and cobra clutch slam to Ron. Don takes a piledriver on the exposed concrete but Sid gets hit low to keep the match going. Funk puts Don on a table at ringside as Sid chases…..I guess Ron to the back, allowing Jarrett to guitar Funk through the table to give Don the pin.
Rating: D. I guess this is the match that got the extra time after Knobbs vs. Demon. That being said, I’d love to hear the validation from the creative team as to how this is the best use for the World Heavyweight Champion who has spent weeks battling the forces of evil to finally win the belt. Lame tag match but at least Jarrett gets one up on the champ, by beating his tag partner who first retired seventeen years ago.
Flair wants to team up with Luger so Luger can break Funk’s arm on Monday while Luger deals with Hogan. The youngest person in this story: Lex Luger at 41.
Total Package vs. Fit Finlay
Before the match, Luger (can we please go back to that being his official name?) talks about beating up Hogan and Funk with help from Flair, who is referred to as a protege. Thankfully Finlay comes out so I don’t have to feel the explosion of the space time continuum from that statement. Finlay works on the arm to start, stomps away in the corner and then gets hit in the leg by a ball bat shot from Liz for the fast DQ.
Luger Pillmanizes Finlay’s arm and Brian Knobbs comes out to get in a shot of his own. On Finlay of course, because he doesn’t seem to remember Luger breaking his arm so recently.
This Week in WCW Motorsports.
2XS (Lenny and Lodi, now known as Idol) isn’t worried about Miss Hancock leaving them because they don’t need a stupid gimmick. They’ll take the titles tonight.
Tag Team Titles: 2XS vs. Mamalukes
The Italians are defending but get jumped in the aisle, which is becoming a very common trend in WCW. Tenay ignores talking about the match to plug DDP’s new book as Vito gets stomped down before he can even take the belt off. Cue Hancock for some gratuitous leg shots and a rare removal of the hair bun. My goodness that woman is beautiful. She hands some papers to the announcers and leaves which they can’t seem to understand. Idol DDTs Johnny but Disco breaks up the pin. Disco and Idol ram heads and Vito’s implant DDT is enough to retain. The match was a backdrop for Hancock’s paper delivery.
Crowbar hits Disco with a lead pipe and steals the belts.
Ernest Miller won’t say where James Brown is.
Gene calls out Ric Flair for a chat. Ric says it’s just like old times because he’s still the greatest wrestler, athlete and lover in the world. He isn’t pleased with ESPN for not naming him one of the greatest athletes of the century but would rather talk about what’s in the WCW Magazine he’s holding. It’s a list of the all time great WCW stars and Flair is #2, after Hulk Hogan. Flair beats up the magazine (makes sense for him) but here’s Dustin Rhodes. Dustin didn’t think much of Ric letting his son get beaten up on Monday when all David wanted to do was impress his dad. David is more grown up than Ric and those are fighting words.
Dustin Rhodes vs. Ric Flair
Flash back six years and this could be interesting. Rhodes takes over to start by stomping Flair into the corner and suplexing him down but a clothesline takes out the referee about twenty seconds in. A low blow puts Dustin down but he avoids a knee drop and puts Flair in the Figure Four. That earns him a Rolex to the face, giving Ric the pin.
Terry Funk makes the save but Lex Luger hits the ring to take out Dustin and rack Funk.
Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett
Winner gets the World Title shot at SuperBrawl. Scott gets in some shots to start but Jeff sends him outside for a beating from the Harris Twins. Ron’s clothesline gives Jeff two and we hit the sleeper/sleeper reversal sequence. Hall comes back with right hands and the fall away slam as the fans are WAY into Scott. Just like Monday, the referee makes sure to get right in the way of a flailing body, this time with Jeff’s legs as he’s taken up for the Outsider’s Edge. No count of course, allowing Jeff to pop up and hit the Stroke for three off second referee Mark Johnson.
Not so fast though as the first referee gets up and says restart it so Hall punches various people until a mic shot puts him down for two. Jarrett misses a belt shot and takes one to the face, but this time Johnson pulls Mickie Jay to the floor. Cue Sid and GOOD GRIEF JUST LET THERE BE A PIN. Hall Edges Johnson and Sid powerbombs Jarrett as the match is finally thrown out.
Rating: F+. It’s Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall. These two fought each other so many times over the years that they probably know how to have at least an average match through muscle memory, but we had run ins, ref bumps, refs fighting and weapons in a six and a half minute match. This is another case of “just let them wrestle”. It would make everyone’s lives so much easier, which is why it’s never going to happen.
Overall Rating: D-. This may not be the worst show ever, but it’s one of the laziest. However, they do seem to be making some headway with some of the stories. Luger and Flair as the new big bad is fine, even though I can’t imagine Hogan and Funk as partners taking them down. The NWO stuff is just killing this show though with the Twins as some of the least interesting lackeys I’ve ever seen. There’s some watchable stuff in there and if they would just find a better option for the main event and upper midcard, this would be a far more watchable company.
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