Monday Nitro #216
Date: November 29, 1999
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 12,881
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re less than three weeks away from Starrcade and usually that would mean some of the matches should be clear. At the moment though, the field is almost wide open and given who is in charge, I’m not sure if we should expect to get any development this week either. Last week’s main event was at least a calm match for a change. Let’s get to it.

This episode is dedicated to Hiro Matsuda, who trained Hulk Hogan, Lex Luger, Scott Hall and Ron Simmons among others.

We open with Goldberg making his full entrance and taking his sweet time in doing so. Goldberg gets right to the point: he’s not cool with the Outsiders playing comedy games most of the time and then hitting him with a chair last week. Goldberg liked the chair though and he’s ready for some payback. He has Nash tonight and Hall better stay away from the ring. Cue the Outsiders to say they have five words for Goldberg: don’t sing it, bring it. They make it to the middle of the aisle, but Sid comes out and says he’s the new babyface in town. The brawl is quickly broken up by security, which is more than I was expecting.

Tony and Heenan run down the card. Hang on for this one.

Nash vs. Goldberg – No DQ, no countout

Hall vs. Sid for the US/TV Titles – No DQ, no countout

Hart vs. Meng for the World Title – No DQ, no countout

Sting vs. Jarrett vs. Benoit – #1 contenders match for a title shot after Starrcade

Jerry Only vs. Steve Williams – Cage

Mud wrestling with wrestlers to be announced

THIS IS ON ONE TV SHOW WITH NO BUILDUP. Three street fights, a cage match, a triple threat and mud wrestling.

Roddy Piper arrives with some fairly big (for wrestling that is) women. One of them appears to be Rhonda Singh, who you might remember as Bertha Faye from 1995 WWF.

Luger is here in a new suit and carrying papers.

The Mamalukes are on the phone with Tony Marinara, who tells them to deal with Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux.

Tag Team Titles: Creative Control vs. Buff Bagwell/Booker T.

The twins are defending of course and have Hennig with them. Buff starts with we’ll say Patrick and the twin gets cross bodied and dropkicked into the corner. Off to Gerald and Booker as Tony says Bagwell has won over five Tag Team Titles of his own, which is of course inaccurate (five reigns).

Back to Patrick for a gutwrench suplex on Booker but Mr. T. nails an ax kick, allowing for the hot tag to Bagwell, despite the match not even being three minutes old yet. Bagwell cleans house and everything breaks down. Buff mostly misses the Blockbuster but the other twin offers a distraction, allowing Hennig to hit Bagwell with a chair to retain.

Midnight comes out for the post match save.

Russo is livid that he has to book some Japanese guy named Jushin Thunder Liger. That’s not me being sarcastic. Russo actually referred to him as “some Japanese guy.” If Guerrera can beat him tonight for the IWGP Light Heavyweight Title (again his words), he’ll take care of Juvy’s visa issues. Russo has a plan to make sure this happens. If he wants Juvy to win and take care of his visa issues, why not just take care of them?

Luger threatens to sue Liz over breach of contract, hence the papers earlier. She offers to do anything to make him drop the suit, which intrigues Luger.

Piper can’t get in to see Russo but is fine with waiting if he gets the $3 million a year. Our hero everyone.

Singh and the other girl wonder what they should wear for their match tonight.

Symphony (Ryan Shamrock) receives flowers and a love letter from Maestro.

Jeff Jarrett doesn’t care about angering Dustin Rhodes and blasts Tenay with a guitar. Where was he during those One Night Only shows?

Here’s Brian Knobbs with something to say. That might be better than having him wrestle. He wants Norman Smiley (who he calls a woman) out here right now for a fight over the Hardcore Title. We cut to the back to see Norman cowering because he doesn’t have his protective gear.

Finlay walks by to send Norman diving under a table as he goes to the ring to fight Knobbs in Smiley’s place. Finlay comes out to the ring and throws Knobbs a kendo stick for a duel. This goes about as you would expect for a fight to go against Finlay, as he beats Knobbs down and cuts his hair. Finlay says if Knobbs wants to be a soldier, he can look like one.

The Mamalukes take Okerlund to a strip club. Ok then.

Russo yells at Hennig and the twins for getting beaten up by Midnight and makes Hennig vs. Midnight later tonight.

Piper is ready for the mud wrestling and cracks some bad jokes.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title: Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Juventud Guerrera

Guerrera is challenging/trying to get a work visa and neither guy gets an entrance. Ten seconds in, Buzzkill comes out carrying a Down With Big Brother sign. They run the ropes to start until Juvy hits a sitout bulldog ala Rey Mysterio. Liger is sent to the floor for a springboard dive but comes back in with a frog splash for two. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker sets up the surfboard as the fans finally wake up a bit.

Liger gets two more off a belly to belly and Juvy taps, which means nothing in this case for reasons not explained. They fight over a backslide as Buzzkill wants them to give peace a chance. Tony actually brings up Buzzkill’s matches against Liger back in the early 90s but Buzzkill doesn’t acknowledge him. Eh points for trying I guess. Juvy hits a Stunner over the top rope but Liger escapes the Juvy Driver and grabs a German suplex. Buzzkill offers a distraction though, allowing Juvy to hit Liger in the head with a bottle of tequila for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t shocked to find out that New Japan didn’t acknowledge this title change for years. Russo has deemed a worthless hippie character (the character, not the wrestler) more important than one of the best cruiserweight wrestlers of all time. This shouldn’t surprise you, as Russo clearly has no respect for wrestling whatsoever. The match was nothing to see as it barely broke five minutes and the guys were just doing moves until we got to the stupid ending.

Chavo Guerrero has taken over the interviews for the night and offers to sell us some fine china for $39.99. Oh and Dr. Death and Oklahoma (his official name now) are going to destroy Jerry Only.

Symphony gets another gift from Maestro.

Gene is getting drunk at the club. Because GENE OKERLUND needs a story.

Chavo tries to sell the Outsiders a home security system before asking when he’s going to start defending the TV Title. Well that would be tonight if you listened to Tony earlier. Hall is annoyed that he hasn’t gotten to meet any TV stars or received any free TV dinners so he throws the title belt to Nash, who throws it in a trash. That makes two titles trashed either literally or figuratively in less than an hour. To be fair though, that thing died during Steiner’s first reign.

Here’s the Revolution with an American flag, which they immediately throw down and step on. Douglas brags about taking out the Filthy Animals from the inside and now the Animals are gone. The Revolution isn’t cool with a Canadian like Hart holding the World Title and doesn’t like the fans cheering him. Malenko was booed when he eat a Canadian last week so he’s fed up with America.

The Revolution is declaring themselves a sovereign nation and they all have snake names. Malenko will be the Python, Shane will be the Rattler, Asya will be the Boa and Saturn will be……the Trouser? This of course brings out Jim Duggan to talk about America and swing the 2×4, which clearly twists around in his hands because it’s made of foam. I had one of those when I was a kid. The Revolution beats him down and does the Iwo Jima pose over him with the American flag. Benoit finally makes the save like a good Canadian. You can add the Revolution to the list of things Russo didn’t understand. Oh and put WOOD on there too.

Speaking of Russo, he wants Piper in his office.

The Wall issues an open challenge for the Block, which is a SHOOT in a boiler room.

Piper can’t come in to see the boss because he has to go to the bathroom to take a Vince Russo. So if he can say Russo’s name, why can’t anyone else?

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall

Street fight. This would be a bait and switch on the TV Title no? Heenan rips on Sid’s talking abilities on the way to the ring. Nash sits in on commentary and his first line is to call the TV Title a piece of garbage. Sid hammers on the champ but gets distracted by the shine on Nash’s hair, allowing Hall to rake the eyes to take over.

The Outsider’s Edge doesn’t work so Sid grabs a chokeslam, only to bump the referee. There’s the powerbomb but Nash comes in, only to get kicked in the face. Jarrett runs out with a guitar to break up the powerbomb on Nash before putting Hall on top to retain. That would be worthless street fight #1 of the evening.

Goldberg comes out (in a t-shirt for some reason) and hits Jarrett with the worst spear I’ve ever seen from him.

Gene is still at the club and dancing with what appear to be strippers. Is there a point to this anytime soon?

As expected, the women will be in the mud later.

The Nitro Girls get in a food fight and the mud wrestler starts choking. Juvy runs in with the Heimlich for the save. It’s as random as it sounds.

Jerry Only vs. Steve Williams

Escape only. Williams pounds on the singer to start and scores with a powerslam as Oklahoma is in on commentary. Heenan: “Why do you say everything three times?” Oklahoma: “It’s my gimmick son.” Williams stays on Only but Vampiro and the Misfits jump the barricade and cover Oklahoma in barbecue sauce. The Oklahoma Stampede (running powerslam) plants Only but Williams throws him through the door to give Jerry the win. The announcers treat this as nothing of interest.

Quick sidebar on Oklahoma: why is this supposed to be funny? He doesn’t say anything outlandish other than talk about barbecue sauce, which is hardly wild stuff. The football obsession is nothing new. What is the joke here supposed to be? What good is it to mock a guy by calling moves? Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be doing? Ross is known for being over the top, so the parody is acting a lot like him but as a comedic guy? It’s more like a caricature than a parody, which again isn’t funny.

Guerrera says he saved the choking girl with mouth to mouth. Russo calls her a wildebeest. Here’s the thing: yeah she’s bigger than say Lita or Stacy Keibler, but the commentators are basically calling a fat cow. She has a fairly pretty face and is far from fat, but since this is a Russo company, all women have to range from evil to fat to stupid to property of some man to just a sex character.

Luger has an idea.

Bret Hart knows he has a tough fight in Meng but he’s ready to fight. Chavo says the shine in Bret’s hair is due to the hair care product Chavo sold him. Wait. You have HAIR product and you pitched a security system to KEVIN NASH??? No wonder you bombed as a salesman. Know your customers!

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Meng

No DQ, no countout, which isn’t mentioned during the introductions. Bret hammers away to start and gets clubbered down for his efforts. More right hands from the champ are countered by a backhand punch to the face. A running boot to the face gets two and Meng plants Hart with a shoulder breaker. Bret comes back with the Five Moves but Hall comes in and the referee goes down. Meng puts Hall in the Tongan Death Grip but Nash slides in and goes off on Meng with a kendo stick. They go after Hart but Benoit comes out with a stick of his own to beat up the Outsiders. Bret goes back in and puts on the Sharpshooter for the TKO.

Rating: D. The match was nothing, but I liked Bret’s promo (minus Chavo) before. It was old school Bret where he praised his opponent but said he was just that much better. That’s Bret’s bread and butter and it still worked here. I’ll even give them points to building Meng over the last few weeks and then giving him a match like this. The booking of the match went down hill, but this was a logically built match with a decent pre-match promo.

However, at the same time, the curse of Russo strikes again. The problem with Russo is simple: if you’ve seen one of his grand conspiracy storylines, you’ve seen them all. There are little signs here and there and once you know what to look for, it becomes really obvious. Now that being said, it had only been seen once in 1999 so it wasn’t such a problem. What it means though is the story worked back then and doesn’t hold up as well now.

Now Symphony gets a bear.

Luger has an idea to pop the ratings. Would that involve Luger taking a long vacation?

Tygress and Spice fight again with Tygress being thrown into a shower.

Madusa is in Evan’s locker room and talks him into a Cruiserweight Title shot at Starrcade with the power of the lips and silicone.

As expected, Luger tells Russo that Liz will be in the mud.

Chavo is interviewing Sting when Liz comes up to beg him for help. Just like last week, Sting doesn’t care.

Chris Benoit vs. Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

One fall to a finish and the winner gets a World Title shot at some point after Starrcade. Jeff wins a slugout with Sting to start but Benoit suplexes Jarrett down for two. All three beat on each other for near falls until Jarrett comes out on top of it and punches Sting up against the ropes.

Benoit flips out of a belly to back suplex but Sting splashes him by mistake. Well in theory as you can’t tell anyone’s motivation these days. The Stroke is countered into a Crossface but Sting breaks it up. Cue Liz for a distraction so Luger can hit Sting with a chair, but Jarrett hits Benoit with the guitar. This brings Dustin Rhodes through the crowd with I think the bell to knock Jarrett out, giving Benoit the pin.

Rating: C-. Oh yeah Benoit won but it only took three people running in, a chair, a guitar and the ring bell with Benoit getting the pin while being unconscious for a title shot somewhere down the line. Thank goodness on that one as they were getting close to making someone look strong.

The Mamalukes leave the club with some girls, meaning Gene is on his own.

Symphony goes up to see Maestro but it’s David Flair in a wig. Oh good grief. He makes her go over to the piano and opens it up to find Maestro inside. So now David Flair some kind of criminal mastermind stalker. Of course he is.

Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash

No DQ, no countout again. Goldberg does his entrance but stops to beat up Hall. Your US Champion ladies and gentlemen. Nash comes out and goes after Goldberg as Sid is locked in a room. That lasts all of ten seconds and it’s a four way brawl as the music keeps playing. They fight out into the arena and into the ring for the opening bell. Goldberg cleans house until Hall chairs the referee and Goldberg down. Sid comes back in but Hart sneaks in and steals the chair away to blast Nash. Goldberg gets back up and spears Nash, setting up the Jackhammer for the pin in 100 seconds.

Three street fights, three ref bumps, one broke three minutes. That’s the triple main event.

Roddy Piper keeps ranting about mud.

The Outsiders want Sid and Goldberg in a cage tonight.

Rhonda Singh vs. Elizabeth

Piper is refereeing. Singh comes out to stripper music but there’s no Liz. We go to the back where Liz says she doesn’t care about the lawsuits and walks away. Singh slaps Piper and pulls him into the mud, where he rides her like a horse and spanks her a bit. No Russo doesn’t have issues with women. Why do you ask? Creative Control gets muddy as well and Piper covers one of them for a pin.

The Mamalukes are cooking dinner in the girls’ apartment. This is what, the fifth time we’ve seen these guys tonight?

Arn Anderson is upset about being fired so here’s Hennig to offer him a spot on the team. Anderson just walks away.

Chae gets in a fight with Skye.

The Wall vs. Jerry Flynn

Boiler room brawl, called the Block and billed as a shoot. They fight, they kick, they punch, they choke, they ignore the fans booing, they can barely breathe, Berlyn comes in and hits Flynn with a pipe, Wall chases Berlyn off with the pipe and it’s another no contest. Heenan: “I don’t get it.” END THIS SHOW ALREADY.

Chavo is in the back when Piper comes up. Roddy talks about the wars he had with Chavo Sr. and tells Chavo to stand up for himself. The Outsiders come in and get in a fight with Piper.

Curly Bill asks Hennig for a job.

Russo yells at Luger, who promises to get Liz muddy before the end of the night. Creative Control is already cleaned up and wearing new suits.

Midnight vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig headlocks her down to start but Midnight nips up. A shoulder drops Hennig and stuns him at the same time. Hennig chops away in the corner and puts on an abdominal stretch, where he continuously slaps Midnight’s chest. So we can add sexual harassment to Russo’s time in charge. The lights go out and Stevie Ray returns to beat up Curt for the DQ.

The lights go out again and Curly Bill appears to beat on Stevie, but then the lights go out again so Arn Anderson can beat up Hennig. Even the Horsemen music can’t save this mess.

The girls tie the Mamalukes to the bed, allowing Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux to come in and pour spaghetti sauce on them. And that’s the big payoff for the night.

Luger brings Liz out and throws her in the mud, followed by pouring a bucket of mud over her. He takes off the jacket but Sting comes out and shoves him into the mud, ruining most of the suit. Liz appears to slip badly getting out of the pit.

The Mamalukes are still in bed. Thanks for coming back to that.

Goldberg/Sid Vicious vs. Outsiders vs. Chris Benoit/Bret Hart

In a cage with one fall to a finish and muddy Piper refereeing. It’s a brawl to start as you would expect with a lot of punching all over the ring. Both Outsiders get double teamed in the corner and the fans chant for Goldberg. Nash gets fired up again and punches Sid down in the corner but Tony talks about sauce (both kinds, because Russo felt the need to have three people covered in two types of sauce in one night).

Things slow down as the match is already three minutes old as even more punching abounds. Since a triple threat cage match with the Swamp Thing as referee isn’t enough, cue Jeff Jarrett with a cart full of weapons. Guitar shots all around of course and it’s time for the handcuffs with Hart being chained to the cage. Hall gets knocked out so Benoit, I’m guessing out of boredom, goes up and hits the Swan Dive on Hall for the pin.

Rating: D. I can’t say it fails after that dive but my goodness this was dull. It was a bunch of standing around and punching with Piper offering nothing interesting or important to the match. I’m really not even sure why these people are fighting, but it’s probably better to be confused than to ask.

Jarrett and the Outsiders beat up Benoit, Goldberg and Sid, seemingly not bothered by the loss.

Overall Rating: F. This is the stuff people talk about when Russo is discussed. We have gimmick matches, unfunny jokes, women being treated a hundred times worse than the Divas of today are treated, matches being made on the fly and stories that make no sense. Oh and a bunch of mud for some reason and titles being destroyed because there’s no point to having them around.

I lost count of how many gimmicks we had all night as well as the ref bumps, the guitar shots and the women being treated as either stupid or sex objects. That’s a good way to sum up Russo: there’s so much of the same kind of stuff going on that you can’t tell where anything is going. It’s definitely easier to sit through than one of the boring shows, but my goodness the quality goes through the floor. Horrible show here as Russo just burns through everything he has in record time.

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Monday Nitro #215
Date: November 22, 1999
Location: Palace of Auburn Hills, Auburn Hills, Michigan
Attendance: 11,449
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re past Mayhem now and Bret Hart is the new WCW World Champion, actually winning the title mostly clean over Chris Benoit in the Sharpshooter. The next big night for the company is about a month away at Starrcade, meaning it’s time to see what Russo considers a big idea. This would be different than a small match with only four run-ins, a ref bump and a weapon being used. Let’s get to it.

Jeff Jarrett is in the back and ranting about how he’s the chosen one.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Bret to open things up with a very shiny title. He’s finally here after a long two years but it was all worth it and this title is for his father Stu. As for things around here, what happened to Goldberg hasn’t been cool so Bret thinks he should give Goldberg a title shot at Starrcade. Cue the Outsiders with Hall mocking everything Bret says, as you would expect him to.

Maybe Bret should take some lessons from the Outsiders because they took WCW to where it is today. That joke easily writes itself. They want a match against Bret and Goldberg tonight and Bret says of course, but Jarrett sneaks in and blasts Bret with the guitar. Like any good heel, he leaves with the belt.

Curt Hennig is in the back and says he can’t wrestle, but he can say goodbye to everyone. He turns around and sees the Maestro playing the piano. Nothing else happens, and Maestro will be playing there all night long. Why? Because that’s what Maestro does I suppose.

Konnan tells Kidman to stop worrying about his missing camera.

Tony Marinara is with the Mamalukes, better known as Big Vito and Johnny the Bull. Vito wants a cheese sandwich, and he says it so convincingly that I want to buy him a sandwich. They plan on putting a horse’s head in someone’s bed, then realize they don’t know whose bed it is. Marinara threatens to call his father the Don and reminds them that it’s Disco.

Luger is with the Powers That Be and tells them that he can book Liz in matches due to owning her contract. They agree, so tonight it’s Liz vs. Meng. I do enjoy them pretending that this is going to be a match instead of an angle.

Liz is horrified. Me too. What a stupid story.

Tag Team Titles: Konnan/Kidman vs. Creative Control

Whoa! A match! The twins are challenging. Kidman gets launched into the air for two to start before the other twin plants him with a slam. Gerald gets dropkicked down though and the hot tag brings in Konnan to clean house. We cut to the screen to show Eddie and Torrie in the locker room talking. Kidman freaks out and runs to the back, even though they were just casually talking. The monsters don’t really need the help though as a spinning belly to back suplex gives them the titles.

Rating: D-. Well so much for the Filthy Animals, as they’ve gone from Russo’s favorite toy to seemingly about to split in the span of about a month. I can’t say I’m complaining though as they were one of the most annoying acts I’ve ever seen. The wrestling was fine but my goodness their talking got old fast.

Kidman goes after Eddie, but Heenan points out the correct observation: they were just talking and laughing a bit. Nothing implied that something was going on.

Goldberg and Hart aren’t sure how to deal with the Outsiders and Jarrett in the same night. Goldberg says he’ll fight the Outsiders on his own and Bret can go after Jarrett. It won’t necessarily be a handicap match either.

Skye can’t talk Spice out of fighting Tygress tonight.

With the piano music still playing, Hennig and Buff agree that there are no hard feelings about the whole forcing Curt into retirement thing.

Here’s Hardcore Champion Norman Smiley. He’s the REAL hardcore man around here. When you look up the definition of hardcore in the dictionary, you see his tough mug. This morning, he drank a glass of milk that was TWO DAYS PAST EXPIRATION! It’s open challenge time and here’s Fit Finlay to scare the milk out of Norman. He kicks Smiley low and puts on his football helmet for a headbutt. The Regal Roll leaves Smiley laying despite being the funniest guy in the company in a long time.

The announcers recap the show thus far.

Liz can’t talk Luger out of putting her in this match. Maestro is still playing and has barely been acknowledged all night.

Hall thinks he’s figured out Goldberg’s plan. He can’t confirm it, but it might involve spears and Jackhammers.

Chavo Guerrero is selling the Mamalukes some gold chains when Disco comes in, freaks out, and leaves.

Tenay tells Jarrett that he has a match with Bret coming up tonight so Jarrett throws him out. Well, he’s got the jerk role down.

Evan Karagias vs. Saturn

Non-title. Evan stops to kiss Madusa at the start and gets suplexed out of his shoes for his efforts. The Death Valley Driver is countered into a sunset flip for two as we have a hippie coming over to commentary. It’s Brad Armstrong in yet another new gimmick called Buzzkill (Heenan: “How do you do Mr. Kill?”) because he needs a personality. Saturn throws Evan again and puts on the Rings of Saturn for the quick win. Some champion.

Kidman yells about Eddie going beyond Filthy Animal business and wants a match with him later tonight. That could be good.

Eddie reads off a cue card (some of the most obvious I’ve ever seen) about Kidman not understanding what’s going on and proving it in the ring tonight.

Vampiro vs. The Wall

Ferrara and Williams come out for commentary. Well one of them anyway. Vampiro slugs away to start and knocks Wall to the floor but the big man kicks him in the ribs to take over. You can imagine what Ferrara is talking about. The Misfits help their buddy out but Wall shrugs it off and beats on Vampiro inside. Vampiro’s kicks put him down but Berlyn comes in with a chair for the DQ.

Wall isn’t pleased and the Germans come to blows, breaking up the long standing partnership after all of two months. After they leave, Williams beats up the Misfits but eats a spinning kick to the face from Vampiro.

Liz jumps inside a shark cage because they just have one around.

A limo arrives.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Bret Hart

Jeff is wearing the title after stealing it earlier in the night. Of course this main events the first hour instead of the entire show. Bret slugs away to start and takes Jeff into the corner for right hands and a boot choke. Outside now with Jeff going into the barricade before they head inside where Bret gets crotched on the top rope. Back to the floor again as they can’t make up their mind. Jeff slams him head first onto the announcers’ table as this wrestling thing just doesn’t do it for either guy these days.

They get back inside for a sleeper on the champ but he suplexes his way out to put both guys down. The Five Moves get some near falls and Jeff gets the same off a middle rope clothesline. Jeff kicks him to the floor and Creative Control swarms Bret, drawing in Dustin Rhodes to clock Jarrett with the title. Bret didn’t see a thing and covers to retain.

Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were all over the place out there and brawling instead of wrestling like these two could do in their sleep. But then again, why should either of them care at this point? Bret’s heart clearly isn’t in it and they’ve wasted him this long, so why should be believe it’s going to get any better?

The Mamalukes come up to the Maestro, who has the former Ryan Shamrock next to him, and ask for some Sinatra. Karaoke is performed in one of the only times all night that Maestro has been acknowledged.

Luger is trying to get Liz to come out of the cage. This girls in cages idea has to be some Russo fetish. She finally gives it up but Luger says the match is still on. Eh points for making him even more evil. On the other hand, points taken away for leaving her locked inside the cage and saying he’ll put it in the ring. After a break, Liz tries to get Sting to help her but he says to lay in the cage she’s made.

Kidman vs. Eddie Guerrero

Torrie is in a blue swimsuit top and matching blue pants with her hair tied back. You can imagine the reactions. Why she changed since we saw her with Eddie earlier isn’t clear. Konnan comes out with Eddie but Kidman dives over the top to take Eddie down before the bell. They head in for the first time with Eddie getting hammered in the corner. That goes as far as it can so Guerrero suplexes Kidman over the top and out to the floor in a big crash.

After a whip to the barricade, Eddie takes him back inside for some knees to the ribs. The camera keeps focusing on Torrie and throwing the announcers off. I can cut them some slack on this one. Kidman gets hit low trying a leapfrog and the match slows down quite a bit. The Revolution comes out to jump Konnan to pick things up and because that feud just won’t die. The distraction lets Kidman come back with right hands to Eddie, setting up the Shooting Star but Torrie asks him for help, allowing Eddie to superplex him down and nail the Frog Splash for the pin.

Rating: C. That wasn’t bad but I could go for anything but the Revolution vs. Filthy Animals going forward. Hopefully this leads to the Animals breaking up though as I can’t take much more of their stupid catchphrases and slang that makes no sense. Or the whole being thieves that I’m supposed to cheer.

Creative Control is asked which is Patrick and both point to the other. Quick one line jokes are Russo’s strong suit. Their next assignments are to find Duggan (“Big goof, one kidney”) and find out who is in the limo.

Skye asks Spice not to fight tonight but Spice has to do what a girl has to do.

Meng vs. Elizabeth

Liz, still in the shark cage, is brought in on a forklift. Meng of course attacks the cage but can’t break through. Luger offers him the key and gets put in the Tongan Death Grip as a result, drawing out Sting with the bat to lay out the monster. He unlocks Liz and they leave after a non-match. Or did Meng win by DQ?

Jim Duggan asks Maestro to play Chopsticks.

Lash Leroux vs. Disco Inferno

Disco is so scared of the mob guys that he doesn’t even dance and starts the match quickly. They trade hammerlocks and armdrags to start as Disco keeps looking over his shoulder. Cue the mob guys to scare Disco even more, but Johnny accidentally trips Lash, allowing Disco to take over. Disco stomps away but Lash pops back up with a sunset flip and Whiplash for the pin.

The mob comes in to stomp Disco, only to have Lash make the save. Marinara tries to come in but gets put to sleep and thrown into a white body bag.

Creative Control tries to see inside the limo to no avail. After a break, the twins say they have nothing to do with the limo’s car alarm going off. It should be their limo though since they’re the champs now.

The Powers yell at Duggan for messing up the bathroom last week, so Russo has been eating prunes all day. Duggan gets to clean the toilet with a toothbrush.

Tygress vs. Spice

Let’s get this over with. Spice is dressed as a schoolgirl and Tygress is in a leopard print body suit. Tygress easily takes her down and the fans are dead. Back up and Spice hits a kind of running tackle and we’re in catfight mode. A snapmare puts Tygress down and the announcers of course freak. Cue Skye (Stacy, in a leather skirt that might be nine inches long) with a makeup bag to knock Spice out.

Skye and Tygress put makeup on Spice. I can’t imagine this story continuing.

We go to the back to talk to…..MENG? As the Maestro keeps laying just because, Meng speaks (!), saying he wants Sting in a No DQ match tonight with Sting using the bat. So Meng is ok with someone hitting him in the head with a bat. Why would you EVER take him up on that? I know Sting is stupid but my goodness. Speaking of my goodness, MENG DOES NOT TALK. This is just a step below WWE ECW having Sabu speak. You just don’t do it.

Here’s Hennig for his big farewell. After a hug to Heenan, Curt can barely speak. He keeps trying but a PERFECT chant cuts him off and he leaves with tears in his eyes.

We see the limo again.

Duggan finds Russo’s toothbrush and cleans the toilet with it. You know this is coming back later.

Cue Roddy Piper of all people for the first time in about four months. He rips into writers, ranting about how they put in all these women and T&A and having a bunch of stupid entrances. This is actually exactly what you would expect him to say. The mic is quickly cut off, so Piper grabs a camera guy and takes him to the back to meet with the Powers That Be.

After kicking the door in, Piper is stunned to see Russo (well, despite them flat out saying it was Russo since he debuted, how could Piper know? Did he really expect there to be a body there instead of just an arm?) and tells the boss that he has a contract, guaranteeing that he appears on TV. Russo says Piper has a bad hip and is almost 50 so he needs to go join Ric and Hulk in Florida. Piper can be on TV though, but it’s going to be as a referee. Piper fumes about it, then walks to his limo saying “Yes sir” over and over. Somehow, this fits him perfectly.

Buff Bagwell vs. Booker T.

Booker gets taken down by a nice armdrag to start and it’s time to dance. They lock up and Creative Control is out before we can even get a minute into the match. Buff clotheslines him down and they head to the floor for….nothing. Ok then. Back in and Booker nails the kicks and the Spinarooni, only to have to nail one of the twins instead of covering. The distraction lets Buff nail a Blockbuster, but the other twin distracts the referee so the first can stomp Bagwell. Cue Hennig to talk to the twins….and then stomp Bagwell. One of the twins covers Buff and the bell rings because of whatever their reason is this week.

Rating: D. So Hennig spent weeks getting beaten up by whoever Russo threw at him and then joined them anyway. I’m so glad we’ve moved past that NWO era and are now getting the same thing from a yet to be named group led by the Powers That Be. Is there any team Hennig hasn’t joined since he’s been in WCW?

Midnight comes out for the save.

The Powers welcome Hennig to the team. If you can’t beat em, join em you see, even though he won several of the matches.

Liz offers to manage Sting against Meng tonight.

Asya vs. Madusa

This could be gloriously horrible. They’re already fighting on the floor before the bell finishes ringing. Asya drives her into the barricade but Madusa gets in some kicks to the ribs. Back in (assuming they were in there in the first place) with Madusa lifting her up in an electric chair before firing off even more kicks. Asya slams her off the top and puts on a leg choke for the submission while Saturn beats up Karagias on general principle.

Malenko doesn’t like seeing Canadians fighting for an American prize. Tonight he’s going to show Benoit how much he cares about Canada with a blowtorch. The anthem is changing from O Canada to BURN CANADA BURN. This is going to hurt isn’t it?

Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Double flag match, which is close enough to a pole match that I’m considering it one. Benoit pulls Dean’s hockey jersey over his face hockey style, setting up some knees to the ribs. The fans of course chant USA. I have no idea which flag they need to pull down and Heenan is too busy making hockey jokes. Benoit heads outside and grabs…..gasoline. Oh geez this isn’t ending well is it?

Malenko saves himself from being set on fire (just go with it) with a low blow but Benoit chops him in the corner. Is that like a Canadian defense mechanism or something? Benoit stops Dean from getting the Canadian flag and puts him in the Tree of Woe for a good looking baseball slide. He whips Malenko in but Dean drops to his knees to beg for mercy. Oh come on now. Thankfully Benoit dropkicks him in the face, only to be sent throat first into the bottom rope, allowing Malenko to get the Canadian flag for the win. Tony makes it even worse by saying you had to get your own flag but I really can’t bring myself to care.

Rating: D. This wasn’t much of a match but Benoit’s dropkicks looked good. It’s just so depressing watching Malenko have to put up with this nonsense which he clearly hates doing. At least it was fast though and it’s a sad day when you have to say that about a Malenko vs. Benoit match.

The Revolution comes in with a barrel and throw in the Canadian flag. That’s not enough though as they throw in the American one as well, but thankfully Bret runs in for the save. He hands Benoit the Canadian flag and waves the American one because why not. See, this is where the Revolution dies right in front of you. Russo seemed to think they were paramilitary or something similar so that’s what we’re getting: people who hate Canada and the US as well. I’m not sure how we got here from guys tired of the older generation hogging the main event and honestly, I’m not sure I want to know because it might scare me.

The Powers call Juventud Guerrera into their office to ask about an expired work visa. Juvy offers the Powers some tequila and Russo spits it out. He’d like his toothbrush please (you knew it was coming), despite clearly just being an arm with a voicebox attached.

Meng vs. Sting

No DQ and Sting is in a t-shirt again. Meng goes right after him to start, possibly worried that the poly/cotton blend might chafe Sting’s toned chest. Liz comes out to watch as Sting finally gets out of the jacket, revealing leather pants. Huh? Sting avoids an elbow but turns down Liz’s offer of the mace can. The Stinger Splash has Meng in trouble but here’s Luger. Sting grabs him, possibly to ask for hair tips, setting up the Tongan Death Grip to give Meng the win, which I’m sure is totally leading somewhere right?

Liz checks on Sting post match.

Nash shouts for someone to come on….but Hall is in the other direction. I don’t see this ending well.

Goldberg asks his partner if he’s ready.

David Flair FINALLY breaks up Maestro’s piano with the crowbar, probably turning into one of the biggest faces in the promotion as a result. Well assuming the fans can actually see these segments.

Outsiders vs. Goldberg/???

Nash gets to wear the TV Title, which you would think is way beneath him. Somehow this is the first time Tony explains that Hall is the US and TV Champion. You would think that would have been brought up earlier in the night, but we had piano issues to discuss. Now the stupid/shocking move here would be to go with Sid as Goldberg’s partner in an act of respect for all the hard fou…..oh of course it’s Sid so I’m not even bothering with the sarcasm here. They’re acting like best friends now of course and don’t have the slightest bit of animosity.

Hall and Goldberg get things going but Scott throws the toothpick at Sid to draw him in. The referee actually does his job for once and it’s off to Sid. Hall is casually shoved across the ring and Sid does it again for good measure. Tony tries to pass this off as a big respect thing but it’s just not working.

The Outsiders have to fight out of a double chokeslam attempt and it’s off to Nash for some big right hands. A running boot to the face drops Nash though and it’s time for the Starrcade rematch. Nash gets put with a superkick and I can’t believe this has held together so long. Some good old fashioned cheating gives the Outsiders a breather but Goldberg just plants Scott with a powerslam. Another cheap shot slows Goldberg down so Sid hits one of his own (with the bandaged arm) on Hall to even things out.

Nash comes in for the standard corner offensive package and it’s back to Hall for a front facelock. Old school missed tag to Sid gets us nowhere so Goldberg clotheslines both Outsiders at the same time. Sid comes in to clean house and chokeslams Hall, followed by a big spear. The powerbomb connects but Nash sneaks in while the referee is with Goldberg and drops an elbow (just a regular elbow) on Sid to give Hall the fluke pin.

Rating: D+. This was……shockingly watchable actually. The cheating end was as tame an ending to a Russo main event as there has been yet and this was a really by the book, standard tag formula power match. I mean, it wasn’t anything good but for a TV main event in this era to actually be calm and follow the rules is stunning.

Goldberg and Nash fight until security pulls them apart to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. It’s a slightly better show this week with a few less things to get annoyed at, but the Maestro thing got annoying in a hurry. I’m still trying to get over that main event though as it was a totally calm and rational match without a bunch of insanity throughout. It’s nice that they’re focusing on Starrcade already but the stuff in the middle is going to hurt them in the long run. I mean, do we need to see the Revolution trying to burn flags or the Hennig nonsense? It’s also annoying that Luger and Sting have one of the most logical stories on the roster while everyone else is a mess. Fix that and the show will improve.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Mayhem 1999
Date: November 21, 1999
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 13,839
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s tournament time with the final four participants in the World Title tournament squaring off to find out who Russo has decided should be his first World Heavyweight Champion. Other than that, we have a bunch of stupid gimmick matches for stories that make next to no sense and are likely there to make fun of the WWF and expose the business as much as possible. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the tournament, which for some reason had 32 people involved (or however many it was when you take out all of the Madusas) and we hear about how the final four got here. Just so you know what’s going on, they recap EVERY SINGLE MATCH before they get to the important ones. Two and a half minutes into the recap, we know the final four names.

Opening video. Wait that wasn’t what we just watched?

The announcers, with Tony in a snazzy suit, preview the show and try to talk over the WE WANT FLAIR chants. I think this is the first time we hear the card in full.

WCW World Title Tournamet Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit

Guess who the fans are behind here. Jeff tries to jump Benoit from the bell but gets chopped into the corner for a tornado DDT for two. A top rope superplex gets two for Benoit less than two minutes in as he’s coming out swinging here. He misses a baseball slide but wins a quick chop off on the floor. That earns him a crotching against the post as the American takes over.

Back in and Jeff gets two off a powerslam (that’s a rare one for him) and almost drops him in a vertical suplex. There’s the sleeper as you can see fans posing to see themselves on the big screen. Normally I would say watch what you paid for, but I’d be stunned if a good chunk of that arena wasn’t papered. Benoit reverses into a sleeper of his own but Jeff belly to backs his way to freedom. Something like an Irish Curse (I won’t bother saying “Canadian Curse?” as it’s WAY too easy of a joke) sets up the Rolling Germans for two on Jeff and here are Creative Control to prevent a good match from breaking out.

Jarrett hot shots him to the floor but Benoit comes back in and rolls through a high cross body for two. A belly to back sets up the Swan Dive but Creative Control breaks it up and lays out Benoit, allowing Jarrett to hit the Stroke. Cue Dustin Rhodes to fight Creative Control as Benoit kicks out at two. The guitar is brought in but Benoit takes it away and blasts Jeff (totally against his character of course) to go to the finals.

Rating: B-. Dang it they almost had me there for a second. I almost thought we were going to get a good match from beginning to end between two talented guys who can work whatever kind of match you ask. But alas, it took three run-ins and a weapon to make this REALLY interesting. It was nice while it lasted though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match and the fans think Jarrett, who isn’t even involved in the show at this point but he used to be in the WWF and therefore matters, sucks.

Disco Inferno insists he cares about the title but is curious how much the gold is worth. He’s bet $25,000 on himself tonight because there’s NO WAY he could lose to Karagias. Jarrett and Creative Control lays him out due to frustration.

Cruiserweight Title: Evan Karagias vs. Disco Inferno

Disco is defending but is also running from gambling bosses who want the money he owes them. The banged up champion has Tony Marinara in his corner but Evan jumps Disco in the aisle, but the referee starts the match anyway. The bell rings and they get inside with Evan getting two off a clothesline. Marinara joins commentary to ask why Heenan is called the Brain. Heenan goes to answer but fugitaboutit. He’s Italian you see. Disco fights back but Evan does some leapfrogs into a dropkick for two. Feel the workrate baby!

A springboard twisting cross body gets two on the champ as the fans have died quite a bit since the opener. Imagine that. The announcers discuss what Schiavone is paid before talking about haircuts. Madusa offers a distraction and we get an awkward, mostly messed up sequence into a rollup from Evan for two. A nice Russian legsweep plants Karagias and the dancing elbow (complete with a kiss to Madusa) gets the same.

Disco throws him to the floor, unfortunately causing Madusa to walk towards the camera. Back in and Evan’s splash hits knees as the fans are REALLY not impressed. With Evan down, Disco goes outside to hit on Madusa. That goes as well as you would expect so Marinara gets leaves the booth to try his hand with Madusa. Evan goes after Tony, who gets chaired in the head by Disco. Tony: “What else can go wrong?” Oh you don’t want to ask that Schiavone. Evan hits a high cross body for the pin and the title, plus $25,000. That makes no sense but whatever.

Rating: D+. Here’s the problem: these matches aren’t cruiserweight style matches. They’re matches that happen to have cruiserweights involved. Evan wrestles a cruiserweight style but he’s just not very good at it. The gambling story is interesting but as usual there’s too much going on in the same match to keep track of it. It didn’t help that Marinara’s HORRIBLE Italian stereotype made the commentary even more horrible.

Bret Hart arrives half an hour into the show.

Russo tells a bloody Jarrett to prove himself by the end of the show or his favors are over.

Norman Smiley is scared of construction workers but is ready for the Hardcore Title match. Well he’s in luck then.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs

The title is vacant coming in and I believe this is for the inaugural championship. I’ve seen this billed as a tournament final but I don’t remember anything but Knobbs getting to face the winner of a match. Norman comes out in Maple Leafs gear to keep the fans behind him. Brian hammers him down with whatever weapons he could find to start but misses a middle rope trashcan shot. Some hockey sticks onto the trashcan onto Knobbs has Brian in trouble but he breaks up the HARDCORE WIGGLE. That’s like the Big Wiggle, but HARDCORE. What’s HARDCORE about it isn’t clear but it’s 1999 so you have to say HARDCORE in a loud voice.

Knobbs finally has a good idea and takes off some of Norman’s pads, only to get nailed in the head with a trashcan lid. Norman goes after Jimmy Hart though, allowing Brian to knocks Smiley into the cart full of weapons. They stagger backstage and just happen to run into a waiting camera crew.

Knobbs sends him through a table and breaks a crutch over Norman’s back. They fight by the hamburger buns and Knobbs’ face is RED. Jimmy throws cans of soup at Norman and this is finally getting to be kind of entertaining. They fight into an elevator and the doors close…..but unfortunately open again with Jimmy hitting Brian with a trashcan by mistake to give Norman the pin and the loudest pop of his career.

Rating: C-. See, the way to make the hardcore matches entertaining is to take them out of the ringside area. These things are so much better when they get creative with them instead of just doing the same weapons spots over and over again. I mean, would you want to try to make something out of Brian Knobbs without mixing things up a bit?

Knobbs beats Norman up post match.

We recap the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals, which is built around kidnapping Torrie Wilson. This story made little secret about it being a way to showcase Torrie, which was one of the best ideas they could have had here.

The Revolution wants to see Torrie get stuck alone without help.

The Animals speak whatever language they use. In a genuinely funny moment, Gene stares at Konnan, so Konnan asks if it’s the hat or the belt this time. Gene in a deadpan voice: “Hat.” Torrie is going to use the Revolution as toothpicks or something.

Marinara is bringing the boys to deal with Disco tomorrow. Disco thinks he’s a dead man.

Jarrett has a 2×4 and is going to deal with someone. That would be the fourth promo segment in 90 seconds on a pay per view.

Revolution vs. Filthy Animals

It’s Saturn/Malenko/Asya vs. Guerrero/Kidman/Torrie and this is elimination rules. Kidman and Guerrero storm the ring to start fast as Douglas sits in on commentary. That’s a very repetitive theme for WCW these days. Eddie backdrops Dean to officially start and the fans chant for Torrie. The guys fall to the floor so Saturn takes both of them out with an Asai Moonsault.

Kidman dives on all of them but a Canadian clown pokes Malenko with a Canadian flag. They treat it like a real fan but you never can tell around here. The girls go at it with Asya getting the better of it but walking into a BK Bomb. Eddie checks on Torrie but shoves Kidman into a rollup for the elimination. After about four seconds of the Revolution’s theme music plays, the Revolution guys jump Eddie and the Animals are in trouble. Saturn kicks Eddie in the back from the apron as Konnan leaves as well. Some teammate.

Asya suplexes Eddie for a round of applause, even though she would be an appetizer for Chyna. Off to Dean who gets dropkicked into the corner, setting up a hurricanrana from Eddie for the elimination. Not quite Hostile City Showdown but that might be entertaining. Saturn t-bones Guerrero down as Torrie is on the floor like a manager due to a bad ankle injury. Heel miscommunication (another running theme tonight) sees Saturn superkick Asya, setting up the Frog Splash to make it 2-1.

It’s Saturn with a northern lights suplex for two as you can see a “Who booked this crap” sign in the front row. Eddie gets out of a sleeper with a jawbreaker and puts on one of his own, only to get tossed down by a belly to back (not a t-bone Tony). A tornado DDT gets two for Eddie but he walks into the Death Valley Driver for a near fall, sending Douglas into a panic. Saturn misses his great looking top rope elbow but rolls through a high cross body into the Rings of Saturn to make Eddie give up. So it’s Saturn vs. Torrie with the girl kicking him low for two. Douglas low blows Torrie with his cast to give Saturn the pin.

Rating: C. This was decent due to the talent in there and Torrie in general but there wasn’t much of chance with how fast the eliminations went down. What was the point of the eliminations anyway? Other than having an unnecessary stipulation, I don’t know why they needed to put it out there. Couldn’t they put Torrie on a pole or something?

Jarrett and Creative Control lays out Bagwell, even though that would be hurting his chances to get rid of Hennig, even though the Powers That Be seem to want to get rid of Bagwell at the same time.

Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell

Loser retires, which makes you wonder why the Powers That Be didn’t give Hennig this stipulation from the start. Or why Buff is in this stipulation at all. Creative Control and Jarrett come in to beat down Hennig and the bell rings as the attack begins. Bagwell comes out with the 2×4 to make the save but Hennig decks him anyway because both of their careers are on the line. The fans chant PERFECT as he takes it to the floor and walks Bagwell around ringside.

Hennig gets in a rant that I couldn’t understand on the headset before they head back inside. Buff knocks him right back to the floor for an ax handle off the apron. Back inside with Buff in control, which Tony interprets as being all Hennig. Curt takes over a few seconds later with a legdrop between Buff’s legs for a smattering of applause. Off to a sleeper (I believe the fifth of the night) before Hennig chokes Buff with Buff’s necklace. That goes nowhere so it’s right back to the sleeper.

An elbow drop with a biceps flex gets two for Curt but Buff claims gimmick infringement and takes control as a penalty. Heenan tries to say this is the most important match of their careers and you can tell he doesn’t believe a word of it. A Blockbuster out of nowhere (seriously, they were just trading punches before it hit) makes Hennig retire. They keep using the term “hang up his boots”, which he’ll probably do literally before taking a pair from the Powers and turning heel.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what happened in this story and it was clear that they just gave up trying about three minutes in. I’m still not sure how we got to this match and why the Powers want to get rid of either guy, but the match was horrible most of the way around. Bad stuff and why do I not believe Hennig is really gone?

Hennig gets a standing ovation from the respectful crowd.

Sting says we may be in Canada but it’s still Showtime.

To give you an idea of Russo’s pace, we’re not even halfway through this show and we have seven matches left. For a comparison, Wrestlemania XXX and XXXI had seven matches total.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Recent DVD releases suggest that Bret is really proud of this one. Sting has already started wrestling in the t-shirt. They shove each other around to start and stare each other in the face before Bret wins a slugout. Tony: “Those have authority!” Something I’ve always wondered: whose authority is that?

It goes outside with Bret still in control before taking it back inside for the Five Moves of Doom. Sting, having seen ANY Bret match ever, is easily able to break them up. Yes, Sting was actually smart. It’s shocking I know but it does happen occasionally. Sting sends him into the buckle but Bret kicks him in the ribs. I guess his horrible knee injury from a few weeks ago is just fine now. A low blow from Sting (who seemed to have turned face again recently) puts Bret down and we hit sleeper number 8 or so tonight.

Back outside for some reason with being sent into the announcers’ table. The Stinger Splash hits the table (at least it wasn’t the barricade again) to change control and they head back inside. Sting pulls the referee in the way of a top rope forearm because we need to get to the interference. As luck would have it, here are Luger and Liz with the former hitting Sting in the knee with the bat.

Bret isn’t cool with that and puts Lex in the Sharpshooter, but that’s a DQ win for Hart. He doesn’t want it that way though so he goes through the Five Moves, gets kicked in the face, and counters the Scorpion into the Sharpshooter to make Sting tap. Again, Russo has no idea how his characters work.

Rating: D+. That’s what he was proud of? It was decent enough but as usual it turned into a brawl instead because neither guy seemed interested in doing a match. They need to pick a side for Sting, but NOT ONE THAT TAPS OUT. Just totally against his character but why should that matter to Russo? I mean, he’s just a wrestler. Interesting coincidence here: the two semi-final matches had exactly the same time at 9:27 each.

Sting shakes Bret’s hand to turn face again I guess.

Benoit says it would be an honor to beat Hart for the title in Canada.

Luger already has a surgical collar on and doesn’t think he can compete tonight against Meng.

Vampiro vs. Berlyn

Dog Collar match just because. You win by pins or submission. In case this isn’t enough, Dr. Death and Ferrara as JR come out with the latter doing commentary. Berlyn hits the referee with the collar as Ferrara lists off football stats. The Misfits are sent to the floor as Wall beats up Vampiro. Wall misses a big boot and gets crotched with the chain as Berlyn stomps on Jerry Only outside. That doesn’t hurt Wall’s bricks though so Vampiro slams him down.

Berlyn comes back in and stomps Vampiro down, only to have Wall put the collar around his own neck. A HUGE chokeslam puts Vampiro down and Wall covers for two. That angers Berlyn but the referee keeps counting anyway. Wall, minus the sunglasses now, throws the collar at Berlyn (Ferrara: “COLLAR! COLLAR! COLLAR!”) and walks away. Vampiro hits a spinwheel kick and throws him down with a release superplex. Now Only gets in for a double suplex, followed by a Vampiro camel clutch with the chain to make Berlyn tap. Vampiro and Berlyn were never attached by the chain.

Rating: F. Next. That’s all I’ve got. Next.

Williams beats up Vampiro and Only, because this whole mess was there so we could have a laugh at JR’s expense. It wasn’t a funny laugh but it was indeed a laugh.

Rick Steiner has forfeited the TV Title and, news to me, was scheduled to defend against Scott Hall tonight. Therefore Hall is now a double champion and issues an open challenge for both titles tonight.

Hennig leaves.

Kimberly is just getting here.

Meng vs. Total Package

Luger is wrestling in the surgical collar. Meng hammers on him to start and no sells a slam. That takes them to the floor with Meng dominating, but Tony thinks the neck brace is a way to block the Tongan Death Grip. And yes, that is EXACTLY the point of the thing. Back in and Meng tries the Death Grip to no avail. Meng chokes in the corner (should that work either?) and Luger screams for help. Luger: “HELP!” See? He screamed for help.

Luger tries a headbutt to about as much avail as you would expect and Meng runs him over a few more times. A kick to the face gets two and Meng chokes on the ropes, only to pull Luger up so Liz maces Luger by mistake (same deal that started the feud). Meng takes off the brace and puts on the Death Grip to win.

Rating: D-. A month ago Luger went over Bret on pay per view and now he’s jobbing to Meng in five minutes. This was a one idea match and it made Meng out to be a one move wrestler. I could have seen this sort of thing on Thunder but instead we get it late in the second hour of a pay per view. Only in Russo World. Also only in Russo World can Liz play Jimmy Hart to Luger’s Brian Knobbs and Meng’s Norman Smiley as it’s basically the exact same ending from an hour ago.

Bret says he’s been here for two years and is going to win the title he deserves. Luger can be heard shouting for Liz as he’s talking.

David Flair is polishing his crowbar in anticipation of holding Kimberly down against her will or making her scream that she can’t take it anymore.

TV Title/US Title: Scott Hall vs. ???

After the survey, with Hall saying Nash is on his way, the open challenge is answered by…..Booker T. Well he does deserve a big spot like this. If nothing else, Booker is the second young guy to get a shot at a main event star tonight. Ignore the commentators’ surprise after his music came on for a second and then went back off. Hall is insanely over because this is Canada and if you were over in the WWF, you were over forever. For life you might say.

Hall drives the shoulders in to start but Booker hook kicks him for two and some booing. A forearm puts Hall on the floor and he has to check for loose teeth. Back in and the chokeslam and fall away slam have Booker in trouble and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Hall puts on a sleeper and we’ve got Jarrett plus Creative Control. Tony makes sure to point out that they’re Patrick and Gerald because that’s so funny. Booker fights out and kicks both twins down but gets caught in the Outsider’s Edge to retain the titles.

Rating: D. It’s a shame too as this could have been a good match had they just let these guys fight. In theory this is just Booker getting screwed by the Powers and not Hall being on their side, unless there’s some grand scheme to get all the titles on a select group of Russo backed wrestlers. Nah that couldn’t happen.

Midnight comes out for the save.

Luger is still trying to find Liz.

We recap David Flair vs. Kimberly. So Kimberly tried to get David to sleep with her for reasons not clear, but she wound up sleeping with Ric instead. That sent David into insanity so she ran him over with a car. He was crazy enough to no sell it and has turned into a B-movie stalker ever since. Note that instead of Ric vs. Page in what could be a decent match, this is the best we can get.

Kimberly vs. David Flair

After running scared of David for weeks, Kimberly comes out in leather pants and a low cut backless top with a smirk on her face (she looks great in other words). David no sells a low blow and shoves the referee down, so Kimberly drops to her knees. You know what the fans are chanting. She unbuckles his pants and takes out the cup he was wearing before getting in some kicks as the fans turn on this mess. David stands up so here are Kanyon and Page (Why was he not with his wife all night???) to lay out Flair. Arn Anderson comes out to save David and gets beaten up by the tire iron. That’s the, ahem, match.

Anderson is taken out on a stretcher.

We recap the Goldberg vs. Sid rematch from last month where the match was stopped due to Sid’s excessive bleeding. Sid has kind of turned face since then so this should be interesting. Horrible of course but interesting.

Sid says he won’t say he quits.

Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious

I Quit match. The fans boo Goldberg to start and then INSTANTLY start chanting his name. That’s one fickle group. They start slugging it out before Goldberg even gets in the ring as Heenan says this is like the Super Bowl or the World Series. It heads to the floor immediately and the fans think Goldberg sucks. Back in and Sid’s cobra clutch slam gets a nice reaction. He slowly chokes and rips at Goldberg’s face and plants him with a pair of chokeslams.

Goldberg pops back up and cranks on the arm before picking him up and clotheslining him down a few times without letting go of the bad arm. The fans boo this out of the building as Goldberg puts on a horrible cobra clutch (Goldberg: “This is it.”) for the win with Sid passing out. Well having Goldberg’s hand on your forehead and holding your hand is indeed painful looking.

Rating: F-. This was supposed to be Hart vs. Austin, but that was four times longer than this, had two competent wrestlers, and a ton of emotion. Oh and that whole iconic image thing. Instead, as usual with Russo, they tried to get to the ending without putting in the effort first and it looks like a disaster instead of what they were going for.

Luger says Liz knows she screwed up and he’ll find her.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit

Feeling out process to start until Bret takes him down in an armbar. A headlock puts Bret down for one and they hit a pinfall reversal sequence, capped off by a Crossface attempt to send Bret into the ropes. The fans are WAY into this one as they know one of their heroes is coming out champion.

Benoit gets sent to the floor and the Canadian Clown from earlier jumps the barricade to attack him with the flag. It’s Dean Malenko in something else he probably hated doing. Bret chases him off and piledrives Benoit for two. A belly to back gets two on Hart and both guys are already beaten down. The tombstone and Swan Dive get two more as we have Outsiders (late to break up the pin so Bret had to make an awkward kickout).

They nail the referee so Goldberg comes out to deal with them. That earns him a chair to the back but Bret helps fight them off as we’re left with Benoit vs. Goldberg in the ring. A new referee comes out as Goldberg fights the Outsiders on the stage. The screen splits to show the three of them fighting in the back while the WORLD TITLE is being decided in the ring. Benoit goes after the leg but the Figure Four sends Bret right to the ropes.

With the knee suddenly fine again, Bret scores with a backbreaker followed by a superplex. Bret starts in on the back and throws Benoit to the floor, where Benoit is pelted with trash. Back in and Chris rolls some Germans but can’t get the Crossface. Instead Bret sweeps the legs and puts on the Sharpshooter for the submission and the title.

Rating: B. Well that was…..well it was something. It’s the best wrestling match in the Russo Era so far, but that’s covering some very shallow ground. The ending being clean helps this a lot and gave it the legitimacy it was needing. However, this brings up the same question that comes up every night: what was the need for the interference? What did those three coming to the ring add to this match in the slightest? They even threw in a split screen to make sure you knew they weren’t doing anything important. Bret winning the title is a good thing, though it should have been a year ago at the latest.

Bret’s family comes in to celebrate and he hugs Benoit. Tony says this is just another day in Bret’s career to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The opener and main events carry this as far as they can but the rest drags it down through the floor, the concrete and the upper half of the earth’s mantle. Way too much interference and nonsense throughout the show cripples it as the stuff they have ranges from not making sense to being there just to pad out the show in the place of wrestling. It’s clear that they have no idea what they’re doing on a wrestling show and somehow it’s only going to get worse. The wrestlers are trying where they can, but they’re fighting a guerrilla war against people that hate what they do and why they’re there.

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Monday Nitro #214
Date: November 15, 1999
Location: Barton Coliseum, Little Rock, Arkansas
Attendance: 10,435
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Mayhem so tonight we get the tournament down to the final four. The big question this week though is what genre of direct to video movie are we getting? Last week it was thriller with Kimberly vs. David Flair, mixed in with the comedy of Kevin Nash as the Grand Wizard. Heaven help me but let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

There’s a cage over the ring. Of course there is.

Norman Smiley vs. Jimmy Hart

Hardcore, meaning Smiley comes out in football pads and Jimmy in…..a suit of armor. Well that’s kind of Genius of him. Jimmy brings in some weapons and actually doesn’t die at first because Norman can’t see through his helmet. The weapons shots have no effect on Hart so Norman just takes him down by the legs. Hart comes back with some powder to the face and Norman has to take the helmet off to cry.

The fans loudly chant NORMAN, but I’m sure that’s just because of the weapons and not the effort or comedic skills he’s displaying right? Jimmy gets in some weapons shots but Norman gets up, drawing out Knobbs with a chair to the head. Brian loads up a table but Jimmy misses a dive through it, giving Norman the easy pin.

Rating: D+. This is one of those matches where the guys tried and were having fun, but they firmly hit the roof of what they were capable of doing. It doesn’t help that this is to set up the epic showdown between Knobbs and Smiley, when it seems like there’s something entertaining in having Hart as a hardcore guy if you keep him in the armor.

Knobbs beats Smiley down post match.

Here are the tournament brackets.

Bret Hart

Kidman

Total Package

Sting

Chris Benoit

Scott Hall

Buff Bagwell

Jeff Jarrett

If Curt Hennig can beat Goldberg tonight, he gets a new contract. And what stops the Powers That Be from saying he’s fired from that one if he loses?

Kimberly talks to Terry Taylor. Why is she in the building after last week?

Tonight, Nash is dressed like Sid, complete with some pretty good prosthetic makeup. Well at least he isn’t Slick.

AC Jazz is out of the Nitro Girls so Fyre and Tygress jump Spice. Next.

Here are the Outsiders with Nash as Sid, with a chin that is far bigger than the real version. Keeping in mind that Sid is from Arkansas, the fans aren’t thrilled with this. Nash says he rules the world about five times but stops to remind us that he’s stupid. Cue Sid, who has had enough of these two. We get the famous line of “you are only half of the man that I am, and I have half the brains that you do” which has Hall nearly doubled over in laughter. Sid is already in a match tonight, but he wants to get Nash out of retirement on top of that. Nash says no so Sid calls him a shell of his former self and Nash says……nothing.

Tonight, Booker has to face Creative Control, officially named Gerald and Patrick. Why having the Harris Twins have the same names as the Stooges is supposed to be funny isn’t clear but I’m sure Russo gets a chuckle out of it. Booker says Midnight will strike.

Kimberly tries to see the Powers That Be but the Twins stop her.

Post break, Kimberly is in the Powers’ office and Russo puts her in a match with Asya. There’s going to be a special referee.

Nash comes into Russo’s office.

Booker T. vs. Creative Control

Before he can get to the ring, Booker is stopped by Chavo for an Amway pitch. After that comedy spot goes nowhere, Booker goes after we’ll say Patrick but gets whipped into Gerald’s boot. Tony stops talking about the match to say the Powers That Be have rescinded Nash’s retirement stipulation. Tony: “It was a lame angle anyway.” Every show I watch, I understand Cornette’s rantings and ravings just a bit more.

The Twins start double teaming him and take it outside where Booker can only fight one at a time. Back in and Booker manages a dropkick to put both guys down, setting up the ax kick and a missile dropkick for two with Gerald making a save. The H Bomb gets the pin on Booker a few seconds later.

The gong strikes and Midnight appears to knock out both Twins. This is after she got laid out by Jarrett last week so the effect isn’t all there.

Post break, Russo threatens to make Creative Control into bikers again. They’re banished to go find the luchadors and Torrie.

Evan Karagias vs. Johnny Boone

Yes referee Johnny Boone who is wrestling in jeans here. Madusa comes out with Karagias, who gets jumped as the bell rings. Evan easily shoves him back because he’s a referee as Madusa goes to commentary. They slowly go after each other because Boone, while a trained wrestler, isn’t much above average and that leaves Evan Karagias to carry things. Boone gets a boot up in the corner so Madusa rams his face into her cleavage. He’s out cold and Evan gets the easy pin. Keep in mind that Evan is challenging for the Cruiserweight Title this Sunday and this is his big warmup.

Madusa kisses Evan post match.

Russo has a bunch of luchadors in his face and makes them a deal: he’s going to put a $10,000 check inside a pinata and hang it from a pole. As luck would have it, Juvy is carrying a pinata. They’ll all be given a stick to hit each other with too. You can see the lawsuits from here.

Dr. Death Steve Williams and Ed Ferrara as JR show up.

Creative Control keeps looking for Torrie.

Villano V vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. El Dandy vs. Silver King vs. Psychosis

It’s a brawl to start and the pinata falls down fifteen seconds in. King moonsaults onto Dandy as Williams and Ferrara come to ringside. Ferrara gets on commentary and does his JR impression, listing off football stats, telling Tony to speak in soundbytes and shouting PINATA over and over. Juvy gets the pinata (PINATA! PINATA!) but the match just keeps going with the camera on Ferrara. Guerrera does the elbow drop and shakes the pinata as candy flies everywhere. Dr. Death gets in the ring and beats everyone up for the no contest, after almost everyone had the pinata at one point.

Rating: F. Well let’s see. It was a bunch of racial stereotypes, the pinata didn’t last twenty seconds, Juvy didn’t win for no explained reason, the sticks didn’t go anywhere, it was all about Dr. Death cleaning house at the end, and they spent the entire match ripping on JR after ripping on Sid earlier, Grand Wizard last week and Vince the week before. Pick any two of those reasons and you’ll get why this is a failure.

Dr. Death takes the check from King as the bell rings roughly 857 times.

Goldberg doesn’t care about anything.

Nash is back in his usual clothes and says he took some time off when WCW sucked. Now that Hall is back, things are fun again. Well of course it is. He barely has to do anything but comedy and gets a huge check. Pay no attention to the company, and therefore the checks, dying before his eyes.

Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

Goldberg is coming out of his locker room when Hennig slams the door on his head. Unlike Flair with the WarGames door, Goldberg no sells it and they brawl in the back with Goldberg getting the better of it. They fight to the aisle and the bell rings with Hennig getting knocked to ringside and looking like he’s running scared.

Curt finally gets in some knees to the head as they go inside. The Robinsdale Crunch sets up a stepover toehold for well over a minute, with the referee ignoring Goldberg’s shoulders being down the entire time. Goldberg finally punches him in the face and puts on a leg bar for the submission, meaning Hennig keeps his job.

Rating: D. So Hennig can lose by anything but pin and keep his job. Why would the Powers That Be want to keep him around if he never wins because he keeps submitting or getting counted out? This was another of those mostly hardcore matches which don’t make people care because it doesn’t last five minutes and it’s part of a story that makes no sense.

Kimberly is on the phone with Page when the lights flicker. She panics at the fear of bad writing but Jim Duggan comes up with a flashlight and says the fuses in this place are horrible. I hate to admit it, but this was kind of funny. Ignore the fact that Jim Duggan apparently has a working knowledge of the fuses in an arena in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Creative Control tells the Filthy Animals that they’re fired if they don’t produce Torrie. The Animals heed the threat and go find her. Wait why isn’t she with them in the first place?

Chavo Guerrero sells Duggan some fuses.

Vampiro/Misfits vs. Berlyn/The Wall

The Misfits almost have to be better than the Clowns. The Bodyguard is officially the Wall, which is more punny delight. Three are three Misfits and one is named Jerry Only. Berlyn goes after Vampiro to start and sends him flying with a belly to belly. He misses a dropkick though and it’s off to the Misfits vs. the Wall. The trio is chokeslammed with ease but Vampiro comes in and kicks the Wall in the face.

The fans are way behind Vampiro here but Berlyn kicks him down, setting up a missile dropkick/suplex combo but the Germans argue over the pin. Wall steps aside so Vampiro can hit a quick Nail in the Coffin but Berlyn counters a top rope hurricanrana into a powerbomb. This time it’s Wall breaking up the pin but Vampiro breaks it up, only to eat a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. Most of that is because Wall hit some good looking chokeslams and the Misfits were little more than cannon fodder. This might have been the most logical match of the Russo Era so far with Berlyn getting annoyed at Wall for taking the glory, even though Berlyn is a waste of a roster spot at this point. Wall looks like someone they could push as someone interesting, meaning he’s doomed from here.

Berlyn whips Vampiro post match.

Torrie has been brought to the Powers’ office and Russo throws her a referee bikini, because “it’s all about the ratings.” Why did he have one of those handy?

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Sid Vicious

Rick is defending even though he didn’t bring the belt with him. We continue a running theme tonight with the guys brawling in the aisle but this time Sid is sent over the barricade and into the crowd. Steiner slams him down on the concrete but Sid fights back, only to put on something like a chinlock near the stage. That goes nowhere so Rick is dragged up to the stage for a low blow, setting up a powerbomb through the stage. Sid walks away and they never actually got into the ring. No match it would seem.

Post break, Rick is taken out on a stretcher. This goes on for the better part of ten minutes and Sid rambles about not wanting to do this to his friend. He’s ready for Nash tonight.

Nash is taping up.

We go to the boiler room for Jerry Flynn vs. Barbarian in something resembling a match. Remember when Mankind and Undertaker did this? Or Big Show and Mankind? Well now it’s Jerry Flynn beating up Barbarian, kicking him up against the wall and I guess knocking him out. Tony brags about how great this is going to be for the ratings and how it’s going to make people watch the show.

Benoit says Scott Hall isn’t standing in the way of getting to the World Title.

Asya vs. Kimberly

Torrie is guest referee and wearing a bikini. Well at least they’re not hiding what they’re doing anymore. Asya and Torrie get in a lame catfight until Kimberly jumps on Asya’s back with a sleeper. The Animals come out to cover Torrie up and get her out of there. Cue David Flair with the crowbar and wearing a referee shirt, sending Kimberly running off. David and Asya fight with David shrugging off a low blow but the Revolution comes out to clear the ring. So a minute long non match had two guest referees (I guess?), and I believe five people interfering?

Sting is given some flowers with a card from Luger. Liz and Luger are shown hoping that he likes them, but Sting doesn’t think he can trust them.

Goldberg has a chilled beverage.

Kimberly runs from David.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Chris Benoit vs. Scott Hall

Bret Hart comes out to be in Benoit’s corner to counter Nash. So he’s Hogan to Nash’s Andre? Hall throws the toothpick at him and finds it hilarious. That earns him some fluid from Benoit’s nose and they trade some arm holds. Now Hall wants the test of strength, only to pock Benoit in the eye. That’s fine with Chris who trips Hall down and dropkicks him in the side of the head.

The Outsiders have a breather on the floor as this might be the longest match we’ve seen in Russo’s Era without any shenanigans. Back in and they trade chops in the corner with Benoit taking over and getting two off a snap suplex. Nash can’t help it any longer and nails Benoit in the back of the neck, allowing Scott to nail a clothesline for two. Scott gets into his routine and the fall away slam is good for two.

We hit the sleeper on the Canadian but Chris suplexes out to put both guys down. Benoit fights up and plants Hall with a backbreaker before dropkicking him to the floor. Nash goes after Benoit but Hart makes the save. In the melee, Sid comes in and powerbombs Hall, setting up the Swan Dive for two. Nash makes another save but Benoit Crossfaces Hall to go to Mayhem.

Rating: B-. Here’s the interesting thing about the match and the key to the whole idea: the fans reacted when Sid came in and laid Hall out. Now why is this time different from all the other matches ending with interference? For me it’s one simple reason: they allowed the match to build up before doing the angle. The only thing out of the ordinary was a single clothesline from Nash, which is minor by comparison. It’s a good match on its own and the angle is far more acceptable when they have a good build to get there. This is the Russo style that worked in the WWF because it had the time to work, though that’s not the case in WCW.

Bagwell says Jarrett isn’t going over him.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Bret Hart vs. Kidman

Rey gets in on commentary. Bret takes him down with an elbow to the back of the head and nails a hard clothesline as this is looking one sided so far. Kidman slips out of a slam so Bret catapults him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and a Bodog gets two on Bret but we’ve got Outsiders. They hit on the robed Torrie but Eddie goes over for the save as Rey cheers him on from commentary. Back inside, Bret counters a hurricanrana into the Sharpshooter.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but at least Bret didn’t crush Kidman. It also helped that they kept things moving quick enough and the interference didn’t really change much. Mysteiro was kind of a jerk but the Animals are the worst face group in the history of wrestling so it’s understandable.

Luger and Liz get some brownies. We’re approaching bad sitcom territory.

Jeff Jarrett is the chosen one.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell

They fight on the floor with Buff taking over and heading inside. Bagwell uses his standard offense including a good dropkick and an atomic drop until Creative Control comes out for a distraction. It doesn’t work immediately though as Buff nails a powerslam, but the referee stops to tie his shoe. Creative Control comes in and breaks up the Blockbuster, only to have Buff nail the other with Jeff’s guitar. The referee just can’t stop looking at his shoes though and Jeff nails the Stroke for the pin from the suddenly alert referee.

Jeff and the referee hug because we needed an angle on a match that didn’t break 130 seconds. Dustin Rhodes comes out for the save and celebrates with the loser.

Goldberg headbutts a Surge machine and gets a free drink.

Liz and Luger put laxatives in the brownies.

The Revolution is ready for the House of Pain match, but Saturn wants to talk about Everlast boxing gear and the music video for Jump Around. Saturn asks Dean to jump for him and staring abounds. I could get into this new character.

Duggan intercepts the brownies and says he deserves something like this.

Eddie Guerrero/Konnan vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko

This is a House of Pain match, meaning it’s inside a cage and you win by handcuffing both opponents to the ropes. Saturn superkicks Konnan before he can get inside, leaving Eddie to get double teamed. Tony cuts Heenan off and goes on a rant about internet marks thinking they can do his job. Oh I don’t know Tony. I’ve seen a lot of internet marks that can sound every bit as stupid as you do.

The Revolution double teams Guerrero in the corner and pretty easily gets him most of the way chained up. Konnan comes in with some shots of his own but eats a spike piledriver. They complete shackling Eddie and Konnan gets the same just a few seconds later. Total time of a pretty big gimmick match like this: 2:57.

Rey comes in and gets laid out by a clothesline from Asya. The Revolution hangs him upside down from the top of the cage by the knee, allowing Malenko and Saturn to just destroy Rey’s leg. His next match won’t be until May. Well that explains why he didn’t help Eddie earlier.

WCW World Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Total Package vs. Sting

The winner gets Bret on Sunday. Luger (the announcers have forgotten the whole DON’T CALL HIM LEX LUGER schtick already) hides in the corner to start as he thought Sting would eat the brownies. Sting kicks him in the allegedly injured leg and stomps Lex down in the corner to take over. He takes it to the floor and stays on the leg (Luger: “HELP ME BOBBY!”) before Lex gets inside to hide in the corner. An atomic drop does nothing to Sting but a clothesline gives Luger his first advantage.

Tony starts talking about how Sting and Luger have been friends for years in this sport before correcting himself by calling it a business. The Stinger Splash connects but Luger trips the referee while in the Scorpion. Liz maces Sting and the Torture Rack goes on, only to have Meng come out for a Tongan Death Grip (revenge for getting maced last week) to Luger. Meng puts Sting on top to send him to Mayhem.

Rating: D-. I’m getting tired of giving these matches the same grades over and over but they keep being the same bad, only slightly watchable matches with some kind of interference and overbooked finishes. This was in the same category as it wasn’t long enough to go anywhere but the guys know each other well enough to sleepwalk to a few acceptable moments.

Here are the final four:

Bret Hart

Sting

Chris Benoit

Jeff Jarrett

Jim Duggan feels the effects of the brownies.

Kevin Nash vs. Sid Vicious

Street fight. As has been the case almost all night, they start brawling in the aisle with Nash taking it into the crowd and hitting Sid low. They head back over the barricade and Nash hits the framed elbows in the corner. A quick clothesline sends Sid to the floor but he hits Nash low to take over again.

Back in and Sid slams Nash down and drops a leg for two. A leg between Nash’s legs is our third low blow in four minutes. Sid calls for the powerbomb as the fans call for Goldberg. Cue Hall to break up the powerbomb and the Outsiders go after Sid. Goldberg comes out to clean house and the bell rings for a no contest in a street fight.

Rating: D-. So now we can’t even get a finish in a match designed to not have a clean finish? I guess we’re setting up some kind of a tag match in the future, but that hasn’t been announced for Mayhem or any other show. On top of that, it would mean ignoring the months of Sid vs. Goldberg, which is one of those things in wrestling that always drives me insane. I’m sure in this WCW though, it’s cutting edge TV.

Overall Rating: D. Here’s the thing: for probably the first time since Russo took over, this show felt like it had a point. They have most of the big stuff set for Mayhem and gave you a reason to check out the show. That alone puts it ahead of almost anything else WCW has done in weeks. However, that brings us to the problem with the show.

Other than Hall vs. Benoit, this was one of the worst wrestling shows I’ve seen in a very long time. The wrestling ranged from too short to mean anything to just flat out bad. However, it did have the best match Nitro has offered in weeks which somehow makes this a better show. I hate to say it, but this bad show is somehow an improvement.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: November 11, 1999
Location: Allen County War Memorial, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Attendance: 3,283
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Larry Zbyszko

We’re closing in on Mayhem and I’m losing my will to fight. Thankfully this is a live show meaning it’s only going to be mostly horrible instead of the scum of the earth that it can be when it’s taped. One of the few good things about Russo TV is the matches are short so the horrors don’t go on as long. Let’s get to it.

One more note: of those 3,283 in attendance, 1,771 were paid. The WWF ran a house show at the same venue about seven months earlier and drew over 7,700 paid. The building’s capacity for a basketball game at the time: 10,240.

Opening sequence.

Lash Leroux vs. Evan Karagias

Disco comes out for commentary, which will be a running theme tonight. For Nitro: Evan vs. referee Johnny Boone, who is working this match. Why? Actually I was hoping you knew. Feeling out process with Evan taking Lash down for a headlock but Leroux uses the ropes for a break. Evan starts arguing with Boone, so here’s Madusa because the opening match on Thunder needs this many storylines. They start some basic wrestling to fill in time before the next story and Lash is clotheslined to the floor.

Cue the story as Disco hits on Madusa. That thankfully goes nowhere and Evan hammers on Lash, only to have Leroux flip out of a belly to back suplex and grab a Russian legsweep for two. Another suplex puts Evan down as Disco says he’s going to seal the deal with Madusa. Evan fights back with some chops and wins a slugout before getting two off a Thesz press. Instead of following up though, he goes after Disco for hitting on Madusa, who slaps Disco as she sees Evan. As he heads back inside, Leroux nails Whiplash for the pin.

Rating: D. This ran 4:34 and managed to fit all that nonsense in there. How in the world do they think this is the best course of action for the opening match? I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there or what I’m supposed to focus on, but I’m pretty sure it’s not the wrestling.

Disco laughs at Evan and says he’ll bet $25,000 that he can beat Karagias at Mayhem. Madusa helps Evan up, whispers in his ear and kisses him. Evan accepts and Disco is given another Whiplash.

Gene asks Berlyn why he stopped dancing, earning him a hand over his mouth and a threat. Were we really not supposed to realize that was Wright until now?

Sid is looking for Rick Steiner.

Berlyn vs. Curly Bill

My goodness. Of all the things in WCW, THIS is the thing that gets a blowoff??? Curly is announced from South Pittsburgh, Texas. Berlyn hammers him in the corner as you would expect but Curly slips out of an attempt at a slam. Cue one of the Misfits to tell Berlyn to come out back for a fight, but the Bodyguard goes instead. Not that it matters as Vampiro comes in to jump Berlyn for the DQ. See, this is one of those things where a simple tweak would have been fine. Why not have Berlyn get a quick pin on Bill and THEN do the angle? Would that have really hurt anything?

Post match, Curly covers Berlyn and counts his own three, so the Bodyguard comes in and throws him out. Thanks for wasting that extra bit of time guys.

Gene talks to La Parka and Silver King. La Parka speaks English here, on orders from the Powers That Be. His English is actually fine, making me wonder why in the world he’s never used it before. The guy was over, he was fine in the ring and apparently he could talk so wh……oh right it’s WCW. Or that wasn’t La Parka under the mask, which is always a possibility.

Chavo tries to sell Amway products to a Villano. OH COME ON. They’re making a throwaway line into an angle?

Rick Steiner rants about Sid dumping him for the Outsiders so Sid nails him. Security breaks it up and I guess that’s our next HUGE match.

La Parka/Silver King vs. Lizmark Jr./Villano V

Before the match, La Parka talks about learning promos but still getting stuck in these lame matches. His lips don’t move so maybe I don’t have to be so annoyed at WCW for not pushing him. Well not really as he was good enough to be pushed harder but at least the talking wasn’t as big of a deal. It sounded like Ed Ferrara this time. Everyone jumps La Parka for what he said and he starts with Lizmark. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts La Parka down and Lizmark taunts King into the ring for a beatdown on the skeleton guy. King gets back at him with a knee to the spine and it’s off to King and Villano.

King slams Villano down and does a dance (he’s no Big Wiggler) before tagging La Parka back in. Villano avoids a dropkick and Lizmark throws La Parka to the floor for a suicide dive. With his partner in trouble, King busts out the yet to be named 619 to taunt Lizmark before sidestepping a charging Villano. Now it’s King diving on everyone before what appeared to be an edit sends La Parka back to the ring. As in he was on the floor and a split second later he was on the mat. Lizmark misses a top rope backsplash and gets caught by La Parka’s corkscrew dive for the pin.

Rating: C-. Totally standard lucha tag with nothing interesting and the clipping being more distracting than anything else. So much for the show being live too. One might think they’re going somewhere with the La Parka stuff, but if he never gets near the title scene, none of it is going to mean much.

Post match La Parka chairs Lizmark and Villano.

Berlyn and the Bodyguard beat up Curly Bill in the back. This thing is continuing???

Hennig says he isn’t losing and going anywhere.

Chavo sells a childless Kaz Hayashi a bunch of diapers. I think this speaks for itself.

Recap of Nitro.

Booker says he and the woman from Nitro go back a long way. More on this later I’m assuming, but we might have to see Chavo selling stuff again.

Sid stares at Rick Steiner on a monitor. Steiner doesn’t seem to know that there’s a camera on him.

Disco is on the phone and says he’ll have their money. Maybe he can get some additional money if he gets rid of Hennig.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Booker T.

Steiner is defending and hammers Booker down in the corner to start. Back up and Booker ducks a Steinerline and hits the flying forearm and a side kick. They have to get all their stuff in though as this match isn’t likely to break five minutes. Steiner comes back with two straight belly to belly suplexes (check those off the list too) and clubbing forearms before we hit the chinlock. Booker quickly fights up with his series of kicks but Steiner shoves the referee in front of the missile dropkick. Cue Sid to shove Steiner off the top and plant him with a powerbomb to give Booker the pin!

Rating: D+. And never mind as this happens.

Other referee Johnny Boone comes out and we’ve got a Dusty Finish. Sid powerbombs both referees and brawls with Steiner. The match was nothing special and your standard angle disguised as a wrestling match.

Curt Hennig vs. Dean Malenko

Douglas is on commentary and Hennig is fired if he gets pinned. I believe this is the third week where we still have no explanation for why that’s the stipulation. They do some of that wrestling nonsense to start with Dean grabbing an armbar before opting to hammer away in the corner. You can see his soul dying with every punch. Curt gets two each off a sunset flip, backslide and rollup as he tries to keep his job.

Malenko bails to the floor before heading back inside, only to get punched in the face to send him back outside. Back in again and Dean grabs a quick belly to back before putting on a chinlock. Curt comes back with his usual but Dean hits a very unusual (for him anyway) low blow but gets small packaged to counter the Cloverleaf. Back up and Malenko misses a charge in the corner, only to have Asya distract the referee so Shane can hit Hennig with the cast.

This brings out Disco Inferno as Malenko covers off a suplex. Disco shoves Malenko off and covers Hennig but Curt gets up and hits Inferno. Dean suplexes Hennig again for two but Benoit runs out for the Swan Dive on Malenko as Disco keeps everyone else at bay, giving Hennig the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s kind of interesting that you have easily the best wrestling match of the night going on when they have a nonsensical run-in followed by a more sensible run-in to end the whole thing. As many people have said before: Russo did not know how a wrestling match was supposed to go so he watered it down into something he did understand and the wrestling fans suffered as a result. It’s so sad to see Dean clearly just there because he has to be and doing things he doesn’t want to do. You can see how miserable he is out there and I completely understand him leaving soon.

Rick Steiner and Sid fight.

Maestro is ready for his match with Brian Knobbs tonight and promises to go heavy metal if necessary. Well he’s already below Van Hammer so it can’t hurt.

Knobbs and Hart aren’t happy with Norman Smiley. I am as he’s one of the funniest things on the shows lately.

Maestro vs. Brian Knobbs

Hardcore. Smiley comes out for commentary with a violin case to distract Knobbs but it doesn’t work so well (imagine, mind games not working on Knobbs) as Brian nails Maestro with a trashcan a few times. It’s cookie sheet time but a chair shot doesn’t work as well as Maestro scores with a dropkick. Maestro gets in some basic weapons shots but Jimmy Hart grabs his leg, allowing Brian to take over again.

Smiley yells at Hart to scare him off and the guys in the ring trade more basic weapons shots. There’s not much to say here other than “Knobbs hits Maestro, Maestro hits Knobbs, Knobbs and Maestro are hitting each other.” They head outside where Smiley goes after Jimmy to distract Knobbs, allowing Norman to hit Brian with a pipe. Maestro rolls Knobbs up for the pin.

Rating: D-. I just sat through five minutes of Maestro to set up a Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs match. This is what I’ve come to in my life. It’s also proof that there’s more to this kind of stuff than just hitting people with weapons. People remember Road Dogg, Al Snow and Crash doing the same weak spots because they did them with some charisma and other creative spots to go with it. Also it helped when they did things outside the ring area but that could go horribly for WCW. Anyway, match was as bad as you would expect it to be.

We look at Malenko beating Mysterio on Nitro.

Tag Team Titles: Kidman/Konnan vs. Barbarian/Jerry Flynn

I’m assuming this is a title match with Kidman and Konnan defending in case you’re really new at this. Torrie is in a backless green top and even Barbarian seems to notice her. After far too many catchphrases and unintelligible gibberish from the Animals, Flynn goes outside to hit on Torrie and gets slapped in the face. She’s not into mullets I guess. Eddie goes after Flynn and gets both himself and Torrie ejected. There goes the interest in the match. As this is going on, Konnan and Kidman double team Barbarian with Kidman getting two off a middle rope Thesz press.

Barbarian shoves him out of the corner though and it’s off to Flynn for a spinwheel kick. Yes Jerry Flynn is throwing kicks people. I’m stunned too. A belly to belly gets two on Kidman before it’s off to Barbarian for a headbutt and a powerbomb, putting him on the same list as Lodi and Sid. Now there are three names you’ll probably never see together again. Barbarian misses a top rope headbutt but catches Kidman on top with a huge belly to belly superplex. Cool move actually. Everything breaks down and Kidman hits a high cross body to pin Barbarian.

Rating: C. This was WAY better than I was expecting but that might be due to it being so simple. The Animals were never in any danger but you have two guys get in some decent looking offense on them and it’s a nice little match. I still stand by my theory that Barbarian is very underrated. The guy kept getting steady work for over ten years and had some good looking power moves. He was a great role player and nothing more but he was good at what he did.

Luger says he meant to mace Goldberg on Monday and promises to make it up to Sting. The fact that these two are in a feud in 1999 tells you almost everything you need to know about where this company is heading.

Video on the Nitro Girls civil war. They really think we remember which of these are which?

The Revolution says they’re not done. Saturn starts talking about the Beatles so Malenko asks him who writes his promos. In an actually funny reply, Saturn pulls out a notebook and says “I do! I’ve got a hundred of them!” That one caught me by surprise. Well done.

Total Package vs. Kaz Hayashi

During the entrances, Norman Smiley vs. Jimmy Hart is announced for Nitro. Yes, that’s a match they want to advertise in advance. Luger comes out with a knee brace and street clothes on, saying he’s wrestled over 3,000 matches in thirteen years and won’t be able to compete on this knee. Kaz is annoyed that Luger mispronounces his name and calls him a chicken so the fight is on. A suplex, choking and a clothesline set up the Rack to end this in less than a minute and a half. Total squash.

Luger holds his knee post match. There’s nothing wrong with a good old fake injury.

Sid Vicious vs. Perry Saturn

Sid shoves him down to start and nails a clothesline as Shane Douglas jumps in on commentary again. Saturn’s cross body is countered into a backbreaker as we seem to already be in squash mode. Malenko offers a distraction but gets stared down, only to have Saturn dive on his stable mate by mistake. So Sid is so insane that he makes the other wrestlers make mistakes?

After being dropped on the barricade, Saturn grabs a quick t-bone suplex back inside, followed by a springboard leg for two. A springboard forearm staggers Sid again but he kicks Saturn in the face to take over. Saturn kicks him low to break up the chokeslam, only to jump into it a second later. Powerbomb is good for the pin.

Rating: D-. Oh sweet mother of goodness they’re turning Sid face aren’t they? I know it’s been hinted at all night but he’s wrestling this match as the good guy. Just…..no people. I know he’s insane and the crowd likes him but I can’t just forget all the matches he messed up, ruining Benoit’s push and EVERYTHING ELSE he’s done in the last few months to accept him as a face now.

I rant and rave about a lot of things WCW does but this actually bugs me. Sid needs to do WAY more than fight Rick Steiner (after turning on Steiner like a heel would. So yes, Rick Steiner should be the face in this feud and good night does that sound wrong to say) to be forgiven for what he’s done in the last few months but this is the new WCW I guess.

Sid teases powerbombs on Malenko and Asya but has to fight off an invading Rick Steiner to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Somehow this was one of the better shows of the Russo run so far. It’s another meaningless show with no connection to most of the main stories, but now we get a SID face push. I can tolerate these shows a lot more easily than Nitro as it’s shorter and less insane, but it doesn’t mean they’re fun to watch.

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Monday Nitro #213
Date: November 8, 1999
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 8,134
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

With less than two weeks to go until Mayhem, we have a long stretch of tournament matches to still get through. The question now is can any match break ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time we reached that point, but it’s a very rare sight in Russo Land. Hopefully things start to make a bit more sense but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Let’s get to it.

We open in the production truck with Sid telling a production guy to play a tape when he gives him a cue.

Here’s Sid in the arena with something to say. I can’t see this ending well. The Outsiders think he’s dumb, but he’s not as dumb as he looks. This brings him to Goldberg, who quit at Halloween Havoc. The tape is cued up and we see Goldberg beating on Sid as Sid shouts I QUIT. That’s it. Seriously, that’s it. This brings out the Outsiders with Hall carrying the US Title.

Wait a minute. Hall took the belt from Sid, who wasn’t champion when he took it from Bret. So does that make Bret Bad News Barrett, Sid R-Truth and Hall Dean Ambrose? Suddenly my life makes so much more sense. (That’s a Wrestlemania XXXI reference if you’re reading this ten years from now).

Hall brings up beating Sid last week but Sid says Hall was supposed to lay down. Hall doesn’t lay down for anyone, because that’s how the Kliq works. Nash wants Sid to call out Bret, but Hart saves Sid the trouble. Apparently Bret thinks Goldberg is the real US Champion and he’s going to give Goldberg his belt back tonight. Cue Goldberg to spear Sid and challenge him to an I Quit match. Goldberg also challenges the Outsiders to a game of hide and seek. They hide, he seeks and destroys. Isn’t that the name of Sting’s theme song?

Here are the updated brackets. Sting and Luger have both advanced due to injuries.

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

Sting

Chris Benoit

Madusa

Scott Hall

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Vampiro

Curt Hennig

Jeff Jarrett

That is one lame tournament.

Sting isn’t sure he can trust Luger and thinks Lex has a lot of splaining to do.

Luger and Liz arrive in Indiana Pacers gear and try to sneak into the building without being noticed. The camera on them doesn’t help this.

We look at Kimberly running David Flair over last week.

Kimberly arrives and tells Doug Dillinger that David has been harassing her all week. So why is she here? Dillinger gives her extra security.

Kevin Nash has his security license and that’s all we hear as we go to commercial mid sentence.

The Filthy Animals are in the ring for all their sex based catchphrases because Russo thinks they’re like DX. The insults bring out the Revolution, with Dean challenging Rey to a mixed tag with Torrie and Asya. Rey says it’s on.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Norman Smiley vs. Kidman

Norman is officially Screamin Norman Smiley. As he comes to the ring, Tony announces Hall vs. Sid vs. Hart vs. Goldberg in a Texas tornado ladder match for the US Title. This would be different from all those ladder matches where you have to tag. Since Norman is hardcore now, Brian Knobbs and Jimmy Hart come out for commentary. Kidman rips off the helmet Norman is wearing and it’s fighting time.

Norman can’t quite take his gloves off though so Kidman takes him to the ropes for a spanking, only to get kicked low. Something like an inverted powerbomb gets two on Kidman and Norman does his spanking (what is with Russo’s obsession with spanking?) dance while Kidman screams for Torrie. There are so many connotations there, I don’t know where to start. Knobbs sneaks in with a hockey stick to lay out Norman, giving Kidman the pin in barely two minutes.

To recap, Kidman is now in the final eight of the World Title tournament after needing the help of Brian Knobbs to defeat Norman Smiley in a two minute match that saw both men being spanked. This is the brilliant Vince Russo’s grand solution to Rock, HHH, Austin, Angle, Undertaker and company.

Sting searches for Luger.

David Flair is lurking around with his crowbar.

Kevin Nash is getting a rainbow turban put on. Nash as the Grand Wizard would be….well it would be stupid actually.

Here’s an angry Sting to call out Luger. He gets Liz instead, who, after tripping on the ramp because of her heels, says that Luger would never do anything to hurt their cherished friendship. Sting puts his arm around her and says she can be the female Total Package. Now Luger comes out and says he’s here in friendship and apologizes for what happened last week. Sting chokes him against the ropes and says he’ll rip his throat out if that ever happens again. As we’ve known for years, Sting can be a bit of a psycho.

Kimberly goes into her dressing room when the lights go out. David Flair’s voice says she won’t feel a thing. What am I even watching anymore?

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Chris Benoit vs. Madusa

Madusa actually puts on a hammerlock but Benoit calmly brushes it off. He tells her to leave and talks to the referee but Madusa fires off some kicks and a hurricanrana. That’s it for Benoit as he rips off a chop to put Madusa on the mat. Cue Evan Karagias to get in a fight with referee Johnny Boone, who easily holds his own against Evan. Jeff Jarrett runs in and lays out Benoit for the DQ, because this isn’t the WWF and we don’t hit women.

Madusa freaks out on Jarrett for costing her a shot at the title.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in to ask the Powers That Be for his opportunity for winning the battle royal on Thunder. Russo tells him that the opportunity around here is selling Amway, so get out of his office. So yeah, no reward and the battle royal was a waste of time.

Jim Duggan is cleaning toilets.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Disco Inferno

Steiner is defending and Disco is Cruiserweight Champion. A quick Steinerline sends Disco to the floor, where the kid who has been hanging around Disco is carrying a bucket. He’s officially named Tony Marinara and says he’s been carrying Glenn since they were kids. Tony says he wants his money and it turns out the bucket is full of concrete. Rick takes it away and hits Disco in the head with it, setting up a German suplex for the pin. We’re getting a mafia angle aren’t we?

Nash is indeed the Grand Wizard of Wrestling and has powder, chloroform and brass knuckles. He and Hall are ready for Sid and they have riot police following them around.

We see the Nitro Girls finalists do a mini routine until AC Jazz comes out and throws out all the Nitro Girl wannabes. They’re skanks and various other insults so here’s Spice to call AC a ho, triggering a fight. Who looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need a story? Who looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need to exist actually?

Kimberly is hiding in the boiler room. David is there with her and says his master needs another bride. In case you’re wondering, we’ve had about five and a half minutes of wrestling time so far but this is the third or fourth bit about these two.

Here’s Dustin Rhodes as Seven for his debut promo. With the floor covered in smoke, he flies to the ring with the help of some not very well covered wires. “I want everyone here to take a good long look at this crap I’m in.” He rants about leaving the WWF because of gimmicks like Goldust, which completely sucked. It nearly ruined his wrestling career and he wanted to come back home and just be Dustin Rhodes. The Powers That Be think Dustin is boring though, so he’s dressed up as Uncle Fester. “My new name is Seven by the way.”

He won’t have any of this or Goldust and they know where they can shove it. Last week, WCW fired Dusty Rhodes so now his mission is to make the Powers That Be, WCW and TNA all suffer the consequences. You will never forget the name of Dustin Rhodes. To recap, Russo came up with this character and now has written a promo where he calls it stupid. He’s already bored of burying the talent so he’s going to bury himself I guess.

David is still on the hunt.

Luger and Liz have a plan to make up with Sting.

Sting vs. Goldberg

Just a match and Goldberg’s first match of the night. After a two minute entrance, Goldberg slugs Sting up against the ropes but gets caught in a sleeper. Cue Luger and Liz as the referee goes down. They mace Sting (clearly intentional) and it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the pin in 2:13. These two should have been the biggest match all year and Russo has run it twice in fifteen days in 5:21 total. That’s borderline criminal. Also, in case you have hope for the future, this is their last singles match ever.

And now, after that huge match, the Outsiders offer Sid the riot squad when Rick Steiner comes up and demands Sid make time for him tonight. So Rick is the clingy ex?

Luger and Liz see Duggan mopping floors and steal his “wet floor” sign.

Kimberly finds a security guard and, say it with me, it’s David Flair. What happened to the extra guards she was given earlier?

Vampiro is now a full on member of the Misfits. Well sweet goodness I totally want to watch the show, buy the merchandise and order the pay per views now. This totally changes my perspective on the company and wrestling as a whole and I can’t put into words how excited I am to have seen this thrilling turn of events.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Vampiro vs. Buff Bagwell

The Misfits jump Bagwell during his entrance and the referee has no issue ringing the bell during a 5-1 beatdown. Vampiro takes him inside for a running clothesline but completely misses a top rope flip attack. Bagwell fights off all of the Misfits but the referee gets poked in the eye and Vampiro hits a missile dropkick. I don’t see why we needed a ref bump for that but I’m still reeling from the announcement that Vampiro has joined the Misfits so I probably missed the subtext. Berlyn comes down and nails Vampiro with a chain, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin. Five people, a ref bump and a chain. Match time: 82 seconds.

The Bodyguard beats up the Misfits post match. Creative Control comes up and beats Berlyn down as well. As terrifying as this is to me, I’m starting to understand these stories.

Luger is on the bathroom floor holding his knee. After a break, the EMT says there’s nothing wrong with it.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Bret Hart vs. Perry Saturn

Bret’s knee seems to be fine and Shane Douglas is on commentary. Hart goes after the arm first but gets caught by a forearm to the face. Saturn gets smart and kicks at Bret’s recently injured knee which Bret quickly remembers to sell. A t-bone suplex drops Bret but he avoids the Lionsault. Must be the Canadian instinct.

We hit the Five Moves of Doom (Shane: “I’ve seen this before!”) but Asya distracts the referee as Bret puts on the Sharpshooter. Shane gets up and hits him in the head with a cast, setting up the Death Valley Driver for a surprising kick out. Saturn throws him outside so Malenko can get in some cheap shots but Benoit runs out for the save. Bret gets thrown back in but escapes a sunset flip and puts on the Sharpshooter for the win to advance.

Rating: C-. Another potentially good match ruined by too much overbooking. Hart kicking out of the Death Valley Drive surprised me a bit, even though I know how this tournament ends. The bad side of that is I fully expected there to be a screwy finish if Bret was eliminated because that’s the standard operating procedure around here these days: be screwy for the sake of being screwy.

Kimberly asks Creative Control for a meeting with the Powers That Be.

Nash does Johnny Carson’s Carnac bit, meaning he gives the answer to a question and then reads the question. The answer is 316 and the question is how many times Undertaker and Austin have worked a pay per view against each other. Oh get over yourselves WCW. That shouldn’t be hard given how low you are in the ratings.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say. He’s alone this week as Stevie Ray has been suspended. Booker has three things on his mind: Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control. He wants all three of them out here right now for a Harlem street fight.

Booker T. vs. Creative Control/Jeff Jarrett

Jeff sits on commentary because Creative Control can handle Booker on their own. Booker backdrops one of them to the floor and forearms the other so Jarrett comes in with the guitar for a threat, allowing Creative Control to hammer on Booker. Cue a woman who looks like a black Chyna….and gets hit with a guitar a few seconds after she gets in. That’s the end of the so called match as Jarrett and Creative Control walk out.

The Powers That Be tell Luger that he has to face Sid or he’s out of the tournament.

Asya/Dean Malenko vs. Torrie Wilson/Rey Mysterio

Torrie is in a swimsuit top, the bottom half of a dress and very high heels. She tries to take the dress off but Rey stops her for some reason. Asya handcuffs Torrie to the ring five seconds in and Rey gets double teamed. Torrie was really that big of a threat? A suplex gets two and it’s off to Malenko for two more off a clothesline but Rey comes back with a one legged dropkick. He knocks Asya off the apron but Dean kicks him in the knee, only to get sent hard into Asya. Rey misses the Bronco Buster, setting up the Cloverleaf for another fast ending.

The Animals come in for the save as Tony says this was a grand plan. There was nothing grand about this Tony. Well except Torrie.

Kimberly goes into the shower and David is waiting for her. Good grief just leave the arena already. Then again David seems to have superpowers tonight so it might not matter.

Sid Vicious vs. Total Package

Liz wheels Luger down and Lex says his knee is too banged up to compete, but he’ll be fine for the tournament match next week. This brings Sting out to beat Luger up and throw him in to face Sid. Sid hammers away but has to move Liz to get at Luger again. Luger actually sells the knee (still wrapped in ice) as Sid stomps on it. A big boot puts Luger down and the riot squad comes out. They stop an invading Goldberg, then step aside so he can come in and spear both guys for the no contest, even though it should have been a DQ on Luger since Goldberg got speared first.

Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Hardcore of course and the winner will face Norman Smiley for the Hardcore Title. Norman comes down to do commentary and asks if Bigelow has dental insurance because he’s been missing that tooth for years. He’s already the funniest commentator this company has. After some trashcan shots they fight into the back with Norman playing Road Dogg as roving commentator.

They knock each other into a wall and Norman wants to know where Doug Dillinger is when you really need him. Knobbs hits Bigelow with a chair and drives him through a table as Norman screams a lot. Kimberly shows up and has Bigelow come with her, meaning Knobbs wins by countout. Backstage. In a hardcore match. This was a way for Kimberly to get some protection but Norman continues to be hilarious.

Norman beats up Knobbs and Jimmy and throws them in trashcans.

Kimberly and Bam Bam Bigelow are looking for David. Bigelow: “If you want to pick on a girl, pick on me!”

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Scott Hall vs. Lash Leroux

Nash is with Hall and in the Grand Wizard garb. The riot guard is with them as well to really overbook things. Heenan thinks the guest referee for the ladder match is going to be from another organization. We start with a toothpick throw and Lash is tossed into the corner. Hall drives in the shoulders and puts on an armbar to slap Lash in the back of the head. Back up and Lash scores with some forearms and a dropkick as Tony is really putting Lash over. The Outsiders have a meeting on the floor and Nash offers chloroform.

Back in and Scott offers a test of strength and pokes Leroux in the eye. Tony talks about the tournament and Heenan says he sounds like Dick Vitale. Tony: “Really?” Heenan: “No.” A chokeslam sets up the Giant imitation, because it makes sense to mock someone who left nine months ago. Tony tries to cover for him by saying it’s climbing a ladder, which is better than most ideas he’s had before.

Hall puts on an abdominal stretch and lifts Lash’s leg to make it even worse. As Lash makes his comeback, Tony promises a recap of everything that’s happened earlier in the night. The fact that that’s a featured attraction tells you how messy this show has been. Hall stops the comeback with a discus punch and the fallaway slam. The Outsider’s Edge is good for the pin.

Rating: C. You know what? This wasn’t half bad. Maybe it’s my shock that they had a match end clean, but this was a totally acceptable six minute (longest of the night) match. It’s nothing great and nothing I’ll think about by the time this show is over, but this was such a nice change of pace from the other “matches” all night that it was pretty entertaining.

Nash calls the riot squad into the ring and one of them is Goldberg. You can figure the rest out for yourselves. Before the double spear, Nash tries to throw powder in Goldberg’s face. I’m sure Nash had a plan to get it past the helmet and visor.

Recap of Hennig having to avoid getting pinned to keep his job. We still have no idea why this stipulation has been put into place.

WCW World Title Tournament Second Round: Curt Hennig vs. Jeff Jarrett

Hennig jumps him in the aisle to start and they head inside with Jeff grabbing a quick small package for two. They head right back outside for a slugout with Jeff going after the knee as is his custom. Cue Creative Control to watch from the stage as Hennig kicks out of a Figure Four attempt.

Curt fights back and naturally we get a ref bump. You can feel the ratings triple as fans just know the referee has gone down in a five minute match and the excitement cannot be contained! The PerfectPlex doesn’t matter because no one is there to count, allowing Creative Control to beat Curt down. They slam him through the announcers’ table and it’s a countout, meaning this stupid angle MUST CONTINUE!

Rating: D+. Somehow this might have been the second best match of the night. I’m already getting bored of telling Russo that there’s no need to have a match this overbooked when you have two talented guys in there, but this was more of the same problems over and over again. Boring match but at least they had some time to set something up.

Jeff gives Curt the Stroke post match.

Here are the updated brackets:

Bret Hart

Kidman

Sting

Total Package

Chris Benoit

Scott Hall

Buff Bagwell

Jeff Jarrett

Kimberly comes to the ring and says she’s tired of running from David, so come get her. This brings out David but Bam Bam Bigelow jumps him. David hits him low and gets in a crowbar shot though, sending Kimberly running away again.

Post break, Kimberly is trying to get in her car with David Flair behind her. She drops her keys but gets in anyway, only to have David break out a window. Creative Control comes up and chases him off, saying the Powers That Be will see her now. Why she hasn’t CALLED THE FREAKING POLICE all night is never made clear.

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Goldberg vs. Bret Hart vs. Scott Hall

Ladder match with Goldberg defending. During the entrances, Tony recaps the evening and my goodness it sounds even worse. Hall and Sid start fighting before the other two get there and it’s clear that Sid could easily reach up and pull down the title without a ladder. Bret and Goldberg come in with no music as we’re reminded about the special referee. We could also use a ladder, so here comes Nash with a ladder and a referee’s shirt.

Goldberg and Hall slug it out in the aisle and we’re told it’s Kimberly vs. David Flair at Mayhem. So it’s Kimberly vs. a man stalking her and potentially trying to rape her earlier. No, of course Russo doesn’t have issues with women. All four get inside as the fans chant for Goldberg but they get Rick Steiner instead. He plants Sid with the bulldog and slugs it out with Goldberg. Hart pulls down the belt but Nash hits him in the bad leg with a pipe and picks up the belt. Hall climbs one rung and is handed the belt to make him the champion.

Rating: D-. Why did I expect anything else here? It was an overbooked ladder match and that’s the best idea they could come up with, but at least Hall is the champion now and….what exactly does that change? Nothing of course, because titles mean nothing in this company and are nothing more than a plot point. That’s one of those Russo ideas that has stayed around, despite the fact that it’s rarely made things even better.

Overall Rating: F+. At what point did this stop being a wrestling show? Somewhere recently this turned into a bunch of direct to video movies spliced together. Kimberly was all over this show more than the Filthy Animals had been recently, which makes for good scenery but some STUPID moments. She had no reason to be there tonight as she quit the Nitro Girls and Page is allegedly hurt, but she showed up for the sake of the plot. Bad show with some watchable matches when they were given time, but we needed more shenanigans with Luger’s knee or Kimberly being stupid. Standard WCW fare in other words.

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Monday Nitro #211
Date: October 25, 1999
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 9,630
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re finally past Halloween Havoc and as usual with pay per views, a lot has changed. First up would seem to be Goldberg coming out as both United States and World Champion, but only the former is for sure. After Hogan laid down against Sting for no apparent reason, Goldberg beat the champ in an open challenge, which may or may not be for the title. Tonight we should find out what’s going on so let’s get to it.

A paintless Sting is walking through the back (I’m been skipping a lot of these segments as they’re literally just people walking) and shouting for JJ Dillon while throwing things all over the place.

Opening sequence.

Sting heads to the ring and calls out JJ Dillon, because last night he issued a challenge for a fight, not a title match. Dillon comes out and Sting repeats most of what he already said but throws in that he was trying to bail them out of a bad situation with Hogan. Why do I have a bad feeling that’s the extent of Hogan information tonight?. The title was never on the line, so Sting wants his belt back. JJ agrees that the title wasn’t on the line, because WCW never sanctioned that match. Therefore, the title is vacant due to Sting attacking the referee after the match.

Oh come on. That’s some very convenient enforcing of the rules given what half the roster gets away with on a regular basis. Also ignore the fact that it wasn’t even in a match so why should it have any impact on th…..never mind. I’m staying out of the quicksand that is WCW/Russo logic. There’s going to be a 32 man tournament and Sting can be a participant. That earns Dillon a beating until Goldberg comes out for the save.

Here are the brackets.

Bret Hart

Goldberg

Perry Saturn

Eddie Guerrero

Norman Smiley

Bam Bam Bigelow

Kidman

Konnan

Total Package

Rick Steiner

Diamond Dallas Page

David Flair

???

Madusa

Brian Knobs

Sting

I’m sure we’ll see the other half later, because I’m sure it’s completely prepared at this point. Also Madusa is now a man? JJ specifically said 32 MAN tournament.

The Outsiders are here with a cooler but Mike Graham comes up and tells them they have to wrestle tonight. Nash’s retirement isn’t addressed because that’s in the old regime or something.

Norman Smiley says last night’s match was amusing and thinks Bigelow is tough. Oh and he likes to dance. If Russo being in charge means more short interviews for people who don’t often get TV time, maybe he’s not all bad.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Norman is terrified so Bigelow decides this is going to be a hardcore match. Bigelow throws in weapons as Norman hides behind the referee, only to get hit in the head with a broom. He puts the trashcan on Norman’s head but Norman kind of headbutts him and falls with a low blow ala Sting. It’s time to dance before Norman quickly covers Bigelow for the pin. This was a mess and didn’t even break ninety seconds.

Hall and Nash are in the back and Nash says he can’t work. Hall says he can’t comment until the top of the hour. He won’t listen to Mike Graham either.

Recap of the Filthy Animals vs. Ric Flair.

Here are the Filthy Animals with Torrie sporting a shiny silver outfit that Kidman really seems to enjoy. Eddie talks about how WCW will never be able to break the team up. Now Ric Flair has been coming after them, so look at this tape to see what happened. The video show Ric being dragged away to what looks like the desert and being buried in sand. Egads this is really happening.

Kidman says Flair is done and Harlem Heat is next. Mysterio cuts him off from swearing and gives the mic to Konnan for some bad catchphrases, one of which involves the Filthy Animals being in heat. Cue Malenko and Saturn to destroy the Animals, but Torrie runs off, only to get caught by Shane Douglas and Asya. Well they tried to murder Flair so I’m not sure I can sympathize with them when one of their members is kidnapped.

Curt Hennig doesn’t like the Powers that Be and if he gets pinned he’s fired. Why you ask? The better question is why would you ask “why you ask?” You should know by now that you’re never getting a clear answer to most of the logical questions this show brings up.

The Outsiders drink coffee, potentially to sober Hall up.

Curt Hennig vs. Lash Leroux

If Hennig gets pinned he’s fired. Hennig hammers away in the corner to start and hiptosses Lash across the ring for two. Disco Inferno comes out to praise Lash on commentary but gets interrupted by Curt ramming Lash into the table. They head back inside with Hennig getting two off a knee lift as this is a total squash so far, meaning you can expect a swerve soon. Lash comes back with some right hands and dropkicks before loading up Whiplash, only to have Hennig hit the referee for the DQ. Well he didn’t get pinned.

Hennig lays out Lash and Disco with a chair.

The Filthy Animals are looking for Torrie.

A limping Bret Hart arrives.

Here are the Nitro Girls for the Nitro Girls search stuff but Jeff Jarrett comes out to interrupt. Jeff threatens to stroke each one of them and says this tournament is a big work. See, he’s the next champion and if Luger disagrees, he can take the Lex Express out of town. Amazingly enough, no one responds to the five year old reference. Oh and he didn’t hit Elizabeth last week. Their big plan to get Jarrett over as a heel is to break up the Nitro Girls stuff? He’ll be out popping Goldberg in two weeks at this rate.

Sid says the war with Goldberg is far from over.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Saturn threatens to make Torrie disappear if the Animals interfere. The Animals leave but Eddie jumps him from behind for the early advantage. He goes after the leg as the fans are entirely behind him, because I guess they see kidnapping Torrie as a good thing. Guerrero uses his wrist tape to tie the leg to the ropes for some hard kicks but Saturn quickly rips it off.

A hot shot and gutbuster change control though and Saturn cranks on an abdominal stretch. Eddie’s ribs are draped over the top rope before they head outside with Saturn whipping him into the barricade. They’re flying through this as you can almost feel the shenanigans coming. Cue David Flair with a crowbar to nail Eddie in the ribs, setting up the Rings of Saturn to give Saturn the win.

Rating: C. That’s the match of the night isn’t it? At the end of the day, you need more than four minutes to get anything special going and even guys like Saturn and Guerrero can only only do so much. The David Flair stuff makes sense as he would be upset at Torrie and doesn’t want her to be rescued, but it’s another case of throwing so much into one show that you can’t process it all.

Saturn runs from the invading Animals.

Hall and Nash don’t want to fight so they come up with ways of shutting down the show. Nash’s best idea: strip in the ring.

The Revolution has Torrie held hostage in a secret location. Does anyone ever think of just flagging down the cameraman and asking where they just came from? Malenko walks out of the room but Benoit jumps him behind and lays wastes to him, clearly swearing without being censored.

Here are the Outsiders, potentially for stripping. Hall does the Survey and says they’ve been partying in Vegas, but had to come here for the real party. Nash says no one is going to tell them what to do, but Goldberg pops up to threaten them with violence later in the night. The Outsiders jumped Goldberg before the Sid match last night so we have Goldberg’s next feud. We don’t have an explanation for Nash’s retirement before forgotten but you can’t have everything. Or anything around here these days actually.

Here are Randy Savage and Gorgeous George, clad in sparkly red attire because it makes George look good and Savage look…..well like Savage actually. Savage says it’s been awhile but Russo and the rest of the vultures in the back aren’t going to see him hang himself on live TV. However, George is right when she says he’s well hung.

You can’t kill off the Macho Man like you did Hogan and Flair. The yellow and red and Space Mountain have played themselves out but Savage is still legit. It’s time that he passes the torch to the next superstar to win World Titles, set ratings records and be even better than he was. I don’t think he would be seen for another six months.

The Animals find the Revolution’s dressing room (hint: it was labeled REVOLUTION) but there’s no Torrie.

The Revolution tries to get Malenko to chill.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Madusa vs. ???

And it’s Meng. I’m assuming there’s a joke here that I’m not smart enough to get. Madusa fires off punches and kicks which are sold as well as an air conditioner at the North Pole. Meng goes after her but stops to look at her chest, earning him an eye poke. So this is a comedy match? Some choking and a missile dropkick have no effect on Meng so she jumps on his back, gets flipped over and the Tongan Death Grip is good for the win.

Evan Karagias of all people comes out to check on Madusa, but Dean Malenko comes out to challenge Benoit to a last man standing match tonight. There’s no connection between Malenko and Karagias. Russo just doesn’t know what it means to wait a second.

Nash is taping up.

Curt Hennig and Brad Armstrong are backstage. Brad has been told to leave until he finds a personality and the Powers that Be suggest he call his little brother. I’m getting a headache and we’re not even halfway done with this mess.

Bret has his leg looked at.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Total Package vs. Rick Steiner

Please keep up the short trend here. We get the full monty of WCW’s bad production here as Tony asks for stills of Bret vs. Lex, has to stall for about 45 seconds before they come up, has to ignore Rick Steiner’s music starting and stopping during the stills, and then we miss the opening of the match because of Benoit vs. Steiner stills. I mean dude, even TNA has their stuff together better than this.

Luger hammers on him to start with his usual array of kicks and forearms as Jarrett comes out to do commentary. Steiner fights back and sends Luger into the buckle as Jeff talks about how he didn’t attack Liz last week because he isn’t that kind of a man. Tony brings up the WWF but Jeff says these are different days. Jeff goes after Liz but Luger makes a save, only to have Jarrett’s guitar shot hit Steiner by mistake. Liz freaks out so Luger checks on her, only to drop her so he can beat the ten count back in to win another short (sweet) match. This would be about three weeks’ worth of story crammed into a few minutes.

Liz isn’t happy.

Konnan threatens to hurt the Revolution if they harm Torrie and also speaks on cheese.

Benoit tapes his hands.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Konnan vs. Kidman

Time for a stable battle. Konnan takes over quickly and snapmares Kidman down, setting up a basement dropkick. That’s not cool with Kidman and they slug it out until Konnan hits the rolling clothesline. The X Factor is countered with a BK Bomb for two but the referee is bumped, as per Russo requirement. Cue Harlem Heat to lay out both guys with finishers, though Stevie doesn’t actually go off his feet on the Slap Jack. Mysterio and Guerrero try to make a save but Kidman rolls over onto Konnan to advance. This looked like a back door out of having partners fight, but more than likely Russo had no idea what he booked.

Eddie has to calm Konnan and Kidman down post match. Konnan agrees and wants a Tag Team Title shot tonight against “these two mark punk busters.”

The Outsiders are wondering who they’ll be facing in their big, and I’m sure totally serious, match. Maybe the Bushwhackers or the Kangaroos?

Quick look back at Bagwell being annoyed at having to job last week. Seriously, that appears to be the story they’re going with.

Here’s Bagwell for a chat. He’s going to start breaking all the rules and doesn’t care about all the sacred things in this business. Last week was the last time he’ll do a job (oh here we go) for the two idiots in the back writing this nonsense. Cue the Harris Brothers in the soon to be named Creative Control gimmick to beat Bagwell down. This would be the worked part after the real stuff you heard from Buff. There are a lot of problems with this, but if you don’t know what a job is in wrestling terms, doesn’t it sound like Bagwell just quit?

Dean Malenko vs. Chris Benoit

Last man standing for reasons that aren’t really explained and both guys are in street clothes. They slug it out to start and tumble out to the floor with Benoit being sent into the barricade over and over. That goes nowhere so they get back inside, only to have Benoit crotch Malenko against the post. That’s not something Benoit would normally do.

Chris chops away in the corner before a belly to back suplex sends Malenko down. They’re both up at six so Benoit rolls some Germans, only to get kicked low. Dean tosses him over the top and out to the floor for more whips into the barricade. Back in and Benoit suplexes him down again for a short count before a double clothesline puts both guys down but only Benoit beats the count.

Rating: C-. This is Vince Russo in a nutshell: a last man standing match announced with maybe half an hour notice that gets seven minutes and ends with a clothesline because we need to get on to all the other AMAZING things he has planned for us, like three minute nothing matches. How did adding a gimmick to this match help? Benoit and Malenko can have a good match with each other in their sleep but they have to add in a last man standing gimmick for the sake of adding one in, thereby making it look like a less important gimmick going forward. Well done in just seven minutes.

Post match the Filthy Animals come out but Douglas (with his arm in a cast) and Saturn show up on stage with Asya holding Torrie. Shane babbles about hurting Torrie and Dean is allowed to leave. The Animals chase after him and get to the parking lot where both groups speed away. I guess this is action adventure or something? Also, no explanation for why Malenko did what he did last night. I’m not expecting any reason after this point.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Sting vs. Brian Knobs

Two ball bat shots to the chest for the pin in thirteen seconds. Yeah that’s going to keep Sting a heel. To recap, the brackets said Sting vs. Knobbs, Tony said Sting vs. Morrus, Sting actually fought Knobbs. Conclusion: Tony Schiavone is incompetent.

The Outsiders talk strategy for later.

Bret Hart has a hairline fracture but is going to fight Goldberg anyway.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Konnan

Harlem Heat is defending. Stevie hammers Konnan down to start and stomps Kidman on the apron. All hail King Stevie. More pounding ensues until Konnan clotheslines both champs down for a breather. Off to Kidman but he eats a clothesline as well to give Stevie control again. It’s quickly back to Konnan with Booker taking over with right hands and a side slam. The champs start double teaming Konnan as I guess they’re heels tonight, despite the fans being all over the Animals earlier in the night.

Stevie knees him down and cranks on an armbar. Back to Booker who misses the ax kick, allowing the hot tag to Kidman. A quick Dudley Dog staggers Booker but Stevie comes back in to set up a Hart Attack with a Harlem Side Kick instead of a clothesline. Konnan gets back up and goes after Booker, allowing Kidman to load up another Dudley Dog, only to have Stevie counter with a bridging belly to back suplex, but Kidman raises his shoulder for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Was there any reason to not just give Kidman and Konnan the belts last night? Other than a “shocking” title change that is? The match was nothing to see, again mainly due to time, even though this was one of the longer matches of the night at just over five minutes. Sign of the Russo times: that’s the third title change, not counting the belts being vacated, in eight days.

Goldberg says he’s always been brutal and the match with Sid was just showing that side.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Flair

Kimberly grabs the mic and starts up the catchphrases in that great acting voice of hers. Page wants Flair out of the ring and grabs him by the neck before kissing him on the cheek. He makes the mistake of turning his back on the crazy man though, allowing David to get in some crowbar shots. Kimberly gets in to call David off and he leaves as Page is looked at by medics. No match.

Outsiders vs. ???

The Outsiders are in street clothes. Cue the Harris Brothers…..who step aside so a bunch of adult chicks can come out, one of which appears to be smuggling basketballs in her shirt. The bell rings and my goodness they’re actually doing this. Tony: “The Powers that Be are looking for ratings and they’re going to get them!”

Hall starts with the blonde but doesn’t know where to put his hands. She headlocks him into her chest and this is dying before my eyes. More “comedy” ensues and Hall does the Flair Flop, earning him a spank. The fans clap for the hot tag and Nash is all fired up for the other blonde. He gets the laughably enhanced brunette but both Outsiders lay down for a double pin. You think I’m rating this?

Goldberg comes out to clean house before the brunette can take her top off.

US Title/WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Goldberg vs. Bret Hart

This is for Goldberg’s US Title for no apparent reason. Bret limps down to the ring because of the leg injury over the last few weeks. Goldberg takes him into the corner and gives a clean break. Instead it’s the gorilla press into a powerslam to plant Bret but Goldberg doesn’t want to follow up.

A leg lock has Bret in trouble but he’s right next to the ropes. Bret gets dropped again as this is coming off like an angle instead of a match. Goldberg stomps away in the corner and pulls Bret out by the leg. Another leg lock makes Bret scream so Goldberg lets go and demands that the referee stop it. Bret says keep going so Goldberg throws him back to the mat.

Goldberg charges into the good foot in the corner and Bret puts on a sleeper. That goes as well as you would expect with Goldberg throwing Bret onto the referee. Hart is thrown outside so cue the Outsiders and Sid (in his gear due to reasons of insanity) to lay Goldberg out. Somehow the referee looks at this and doesn’t call for a DQ, allowing Bret to crawl back inside for the pin, even though Goldberg was sitting up when Hart got back in.

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess but not as bad as it could have been, again due to having more time (nearly EIGHT minutes!). However, it does make the events of last night seem like a big waste of time. Was there any reason to have Luger make Bret give up if Bret is winning the US Title here? Or to have Goldberg win two titles in one night and then lose both twenty four hours later? What a mess, but this was one of the less messy messes of the night. Also, this is another potential Starrcade main event thrown away for free on TV. Yeah there would be a rematch, but this wasn’t really making me want to see them again.

Here are the updated brackets for the first half of the tournament.

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

Diamond Dallas Page/David Flair (no winner so it’s not clear)

Meng

Sting

What a glorious set of options.

Overall Rating: F. When the best things I can think of on a show are Torrie and Kimberly looking good, you can tell it’s been a waste of three hours. The title matches ranged from a series of quick ways out of having a match to adding angles to matches so Russo can cram every single thing he can think of into the show. It’s been said that Russo wants nothing to do with wrestling and that was never more clear than here.

One thing he does love though is the Filthy Animals, who were all over this show. Their story made sense for the most part, but it’s very clear that the audience is already having problems with who they’re supposed to cheer for. That’s the shades of gray idea that Russo likes to use, which still doesn’t seem to work 90% of the time.

This was a huge mess with WAY too much stuff going on to keep track of anything. I watched this show over the span of about twenty four hours and I’m struggling to remember half of what happened on it. None of the things you see has the chance to stick with you because they have to get on to the next idea. There was a line from HHH when he was on Austin’s podcast that would really serve Russo well: there’s always next week. It’s ok to let something play out on one show and do something next week (or on Thunder to make that show actually mean something for a change).

Here’s the thing: yeah the WWF is pretty lame right now with all the sports entertainment nonsense, at least it made sense and had the charisma to carry things through. This show feels like someone watched Raw and said “I CAN DO THAT!” and got a job running a wrestling comp……oh dear goodness that’s pretty much what happened isn’t it? Maybe this is Russo getting his first ideas out of the way early and it’ll get better later, but for now though, the Russo Era is terrifying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Larry Zbyszko

Unfortunately this is the second half of a taping and they’ve taken Nash off commentary to make this far less entertaining than last week’s show. It’s also the go home show for Halloween Havoc but this was taped before Russo turned the promotion upside down this past Monday. Let’s get to it.

Apparently Nash scared Tenay off this week.

Norman Smiley vs. The Maestro

We delay the start so Maestro can pose a bit before getting to some amateur stuff. Maestro is a somewhat bigger guy but still moves well. His movement isn’t quite as good as Norman’s wiggling, though unfortunately there isn’t much here about Norman’s screaming gimmick. A European uppercut staggers Maestro but he takes Smiley down by the legs.

The grappling doesn’t work so Maestro hits a side slam and cranks on a chinlock. This is the match that’s supposed to make me stick around for the rest of the show. More right hands have Smiley in some trouble but he blocks two sunset flip attempts. Back up and Smiley goes to the arm before hitting the swinging slam, setting up the dance. A brawl on the floor goes nowhere so Maestro tries and fails at an implant DDT, allowing Norman to slip on Norman’s Conquest for the win.

Rating: D. I like Norman but maybe the screaming thing was good for him. The problem is that he’s just a guy in trunks doing moves to someone and that’s really not a good way to get people to notice you. The dancing and accent are only going to get you so far, as is good amateur skill. Maestro has potential to be a low level comedy character but I’m terrified of what’s coming when Russo gets hold of him.

Lash Leroux vs. Disco Inferno video.

Horace vs. MVP

That would be Dale Torborg. Horace powers him into the corner to start and drives some shoulders into the ribs. MVP gets run over a few times so he opts for dropkicks, despite being a pretty tall guy who wouldn’t usually throw dropkicks. They head outside with MVP hammering away and whipping Horace into the barricade.

Back in and Horace knees him right back to the floor as this is already going nowhere. An elbow drop gets two for Horace and he sends Horace into the steps to keep this moving at such a high rate of speed. A suplex and backbreaker get two each for Horace but he misses a charge into the corner. MVP comes back with a suplex and punches followed by a clothesline for two. Horace shrugs it off and hits a Samoan drop for the pin.

Rating: D-. This show is basically a collection of dark matches. There’s nothing to most of these matches and there’s no reason for me to want to see the majority of them, but we’re stuck sitting through them week after week. It’s clear that this show is nothing more than a dumping ground for the people that WCW doesn’t want to put on Nitro. The fact that this is going head to head with Smackdown is yet another reason why it was clear WCW had no chance against the WWF.

Video on Page vs. Flair on Sunday.

Curly Bill vs. Lash Leroux

Hudson refers to the NWO as defunct. Sweet goodness it took long enough. Curly starts fast by just kicking him in the face, once regularly and a second time to stop a charge in the corner. They head outside with Bill sending him into the steps for a move far too common around here these days. A Stunner across the top rope and a swinging neckbreaker have Lash in trouble.

They trade chops with Lash getting the worse of it, followed by a running knee from Curly. Slam, chinlock, slam, fans sit up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz out of their boredom from this match. Lash fights up with his usual stuff but can’t hit Whiplash. Curly comes back with a Fujiwara armbar but Lash is next to the ropes. In a bookend to the match, Curly charges into raised boots just like Lash did and Whiplash is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Virgil is getting six minutes on TV and is dominating about two thirds of the match and is up against a guy who will be getting a title shot on Sunday. Lash is nothing great in the ring but he’s good enough to survive being the challenger of the month to Disco Inferno. I’ll stay away from a rant about Disco being Cruiserweight Champion at this point because Lash has this odd likability about him and I find it hard to complain about his matches. Also was there any reason to have him not beat a cruiserweight here?

Road Report. Whoever this schmuck is has nothing on Lee Marshall.

The First Family wants a title shot at Halloween Havoc. Don’t they already have one?

Harlem Heat vs. Steve Regal/Dave Taylor

No entrance for Harlem Heat as they lost the titles on Monday in a non-built match, so I’m assuming this is non-title.. Regal and Booker trade arm work to start until a forearm staggers the Englishman. Off to Ray for another elbow, which freaks Regal out, sending him over to the corner for a tag. It seems that we’re in a comedy match.

Taylor comes in and gets hit in the face a lot but he uppercuts Booker to the floor for some European uppercuts from Finlay. Regal has settled down enough to work over Booker in the corner, only to miss a charge and get caught in a Rock Bottom. They stretch things out a bit by having Finlay pull Stevie off the apron, only to have the tag made just a few seconds later. Stevie comes in and cleans house, only to have the First Family come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Regal tried but even his magic can’t save a match that ends with Knobbs and Morrus running in for a DQ. Hopefully Russo gets rid of these two schmucks but for some reason I don’t think even he can overcome the powers of nepotism or the urge to give someone a juvenile name.

The Heat cleans house post match.

Video on Sid.

Video on Goldberg vs. Sid.

Video on Goldberg. My goodness cancel this show already.

Video on Berlyn vs. Armstrong.

Kendall Windham vs. Brad Armstrong

Windham hammers away to start like the big goon that he is but Brad comes back with some armdrags and right hands in the corner. They trade arm work because we haven’t seen that enough lately. Curly offers a cheap shot from the floor and rakes Brad’s back to validate his paycheck. Back in and Kendall mixes it up with a chinlock, slam and second chinlock to kill off ninety seconds.

Brad fights up with a variety of shots to the face, followed by a powerslam for two. Curly offers a distraction so Kendall can hit Brad low. That doesn’t seem to do much so Kendall shoves Brad into the referee. For the love of all things good and holy this match needed a ref bump??? A boot shot goes bad and Brad’s Russian legsweep is good for the pin.

Rating: F. Good grief just let them wrestler. Or actually wait don’t let them wrestler as I can’t handle two Redneck matches in one night. This is another bad match on a bad show which is a lame duck episode anyway and the last dying breath of the old regime before Russo and pal come in to destroy the house. That being said, END THIS SHOW ALREADY.

Halloween Havoc card.

Juventud Guerrera/Silver King vs. Blitzkrieg/Kaz Hayashi

When you need a filler, call Silver King. Juvy and Blitzkrieg start things off with some posing before Blitzkrieg nails some kicks to send Juvy over for a tag. For some reason the teams switch corners on the apron. Somehow that’s the least illogical thing on this show so far. King misses a running dropkick in the corner and gets cradled for two.

Silver gets right back into things by launching Blitzkrieg into the air for a crash before stopping to do a dance. He’s no Norman Smiley. Juvy and Kaz come in with Guerrera mocking a bow to Hayashi before kicking him down. They trade strikes until Juvy DDTs him down and hammers away in the corner. There’s the crotch chop and it’s back to Silver King who gets caught in a spinebuster from Blitzkrieg. This is an incredibly fast paced match so far.

Kaz dropkicks his partner by mistake and Silver King adds an enziguri but still can’t make the hot tag. An airplane spin into a faceplant finally allows the hot tag to Juvy, who comes in with a springboard double crossbody as everything breaks down. Blitzkrieg avoids a dive and hooks a chinlock for a well earned breather.

We take a break and come back with Juvy in a Hart Attack with Kaz playing Bret and nailing a missile dropkick. The tribute to 80s tag teams continues with Blitzkrieg playing Ax to Kaz’s Smash, if Ax could hit a springboard legdrop that is. A standing corkscrew splash gets two on Guerrera but he comes back with a running kick to the face. Silver King kicks Blitzkrieg in the back but it’s still not enough for the hot tag.

After some double teaming has him in trouble, Juvy bulldogs both heels (I think?) down and makes the hot tag. It’s off to Silver King with a double missile dropkick but Blitzkrieg sunset flips him for two. Juvy springboards in again to cross body Blitzkrieg down and the referee just counts the cover anyway. Hayashi moonsaults down onto Juvy as Silver King electric chairs Blitzkrieg for good measure. King adds a double jump moonsault but Kaz makes a diving save. Kaz dropkicks Silver King and Blitzkrieg to the floor, only to walk into the Juvy Driver for the pin.

Rating: B. This match was WAY too good for this show. It’s nothing they haven’t done before a million times but my goodness they were moving around in there. It helps that it’s on one of the worst shows I’ve seen in years so the expectations were really low coming in. Fun stuff here though and the only thing worth seeing on the show.

Rick Steiner vs. La Parka

Steiner babbles to start before taking La Parka’s head off with a Steinerline. La Parka gets in a single hiptoss before Steiner suplexes him down and whips him into the barricade. Rick’s reward for “wrestling” this way? A TV Title shot this Sunday. A release German suplex gets two back inside, followed by another belly to belly and the Steiner Bulldog for the pin. I’m so glad they had La Parka win on Monday so this could happen on Thursday.

Clips of Benoit winning the TV Title for some reason.

Hogan vs. Sting video.

Highlight video from Nitro. This was like three minutes long but the show still didn’t make sense.

Video on Luger vs. Hart.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

No entrance for Buff, but to be fair he lost to La Parka on Monday. Hudson talks up that loss though, meaning the commentary was recorded later, likely due to the threat of Nash. In another casualty of the taped schedule, Bagwell is his normal self here instead of being uninterested like he was on Nitro. Luger hammers on his back to start but gets dropkicked out to the floor as things settle down. The announcers try to play it up as Bagwell getting a wakeup call on Monday, even though I’d assume he’s back to not caring on Monday.

Luger tries to get back in but gets sent right back to the floor for another beating from Bagwell. Elizabeth offers a distraction so Luger can nail Buff in the back of the head before sending him into the steps for good measure. Now it’s into the barricade before Luger slowly stomps away. Back in and Luger stomps in the corner, where you can see some of the mat coming up. Bagwell comes back by ramming him into the buckle pad over and over, only to get run over by a clothesline. Viva el chinlock for a bit before Buff makes his clothesline based comeback. Liz crotches him on top though and the Rack ends this.

Rating: D. So Bagwell’s rebound from the loss on Monday is to lose in a glorified squash here as the continuity gets all screwed up. Luger looked better here than he has in a long time, but to be fair that really isn’t saying much. I saw these two wrestle enough in 1997/1998 that I never thought I’d want to see them again, and it turns out I’m right. Oh and no mention whatsoever of Liz being guitared on Monday. Because, you know, it hadn’t happened yet.

Overall Rating: F+. I wonder if I can get watching this show covered under my insurance plan. It has to be worthy of some hospitalization. I wanted to give it the lowest passing grade possible due to that tag match but my goodness this was horrible. It’s literally the last TV show (aside from Saturday Night which meant jack by this point) from this booking era and it shows horribly. As bad as Thunder has been over the years, this is one of the worst episodes they’ve ever put on and that’s saying quite a bit.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #210
Date: October 18, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,413
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Halloween Havoc but more importantly, Russo and Ferrara are officially in charge tonight. That’s going to lead to some very rapid changes around here and that’s not a good sign before the pay per view. In theory it would make sense to do Halloween Havoc and then let them take over, but this is WCW after all. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sid arriving in a limo and wearing a suit, flanked by attorneys. Oh yeah Russo is in charge.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

Evan gets dropped by a quick shoulder but scores with a dropkick and clothesline to send Guerrera to the floor. Back in and Evan shrugs off some chops but charges into a boot in the corner. They’re not exactly cranking things up here. A headscissors and cross body get two on Evan….and here’s Bret to get in the ring and just start talking. The match just stops because….well why not?

Bret says that he wasn’t allowed to have an interview tonight and he left the WWF for two reasons. He’s here to fight Hogan and win the World Title but WCW won’t let him do either of those things. This brings out Sting to say Bret needs to join the real world. Juvy is just walking around the ring as this goes on. They talk about being screwed (censored) and Bret is offered a title shot tonight. Is there a reason why Sting’s paint is already chipped off at the top despite not having any physicality so far?

The announcers talk about Russo and Ferrara being hired as writers. Tonight: an evening gown match. So this is why we’ve had a “division?” As in the three girls that have matches once a month?

Sid is advised not to speak. Score one for Russo and Ferrara!

Goldberg arrives. Why is wrestling so lenient about performers being late?

Back to Sid, who now talks about Goldberg breaking the stipulation of not touching him before the match. Nothing here other than acknowledging what happened last week.

Vampiro vs. Disco Inferno

Non-title with Lash Leroux on commentary. Lash appearing offers a distraction and Vampiro kicks him in the back of the head to take over. Another kick to the chest drops Disco and it’s off to a shot of the commentators. Back in and Vampiro gets one off a suplex but the Chartbuster connects for our second fast ending of the night.

Lash comes in and gives Disco Whiplash. That’s a very heelish move.

Goldberg promises to Jackhammer Sid.

Dustin Rhodes video with him talking like Yoda.

Madusa refuses to perform in an evening gown match because it’s beneath her.

Nitro Girls search stuff and FINALLY Stacy Keibler shows up. However, Buff Bagwell cuts them off and says the internet has been talking about how he’s taking WCW to the top. See, he heard that Russo and Ferrara were high on him during an internet interview. This is the kind of breaking the fourth wall stuff that I can’t stand and Russo loves for whatever reason, ignoring the fact that it’s almost never drawn a dime. But hey, I’m sure he’ll have a 300 page book explaining why this was SO hard on him.

Mona has never had an evening gown match but she’s wrestled several matches wearing an evening gown.

Kimberly is looking for David Flair. I think we’re in the soap opera portion of the show.

Goldberg and Sid reiterate the same things they said earlier.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Harlem Heat is defending and Booker is now in trunks. Stevie elbows Rey in the face and throws him way into the air on a backdrop. Rey comes back with the not yet named 619 but gets clotheslined out to the floor for his efforts. Cue Kidman and Eddie arm in arm with Torrie Wilson as it’s off to Konnan vs. Booker. Konnan scores with a quick DDT and Mysterio adds a Lionsault. This is already the longest match of the night at about two and a half minutes.

Stevie fights out of the Tequila Sunrise and Booker plants Konnan with a Rock Bottom. Eddie and Kidman join commentary and brag about how hot Torrie is. Well you can’t argue that. We see the First Family watching in the back as Stevie bearhugs Konnan. Off to Booker for a kick to the face and a double suplex for two, followed by an even harder kick from Stevie. Well you can’t say they’re not thinking along the same lines.

Rey breaks up a cover off a powerslam and is promptly sent outside. Everything breaks down and the commentators offer a distraction to Booker, allowing Rey to hit the springboard seated senton on Stevie. Konnan adds a trip and holds Ray’s legs for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. So we sat through weeks of the First Family vs. Harlem Heat to give the Filthy Animals the titles in an unannounced match that will probably be one of the longest matches of the night? SWEET! It may make have been several wasted weeks, but I’ll take Konnan and Mysterio as champions any day, as Harlem Heat has just outlived most of their usefulness. They’re still watchable and could be far worse, but at least Konnan and Rey are some fresh blood.

Kimberly sticks her chest out at David Flair and gives him her motel key because Page is out of town and she’s lonely.

The Filthy Animals celebrate the win but the First Family comes up and demands their title shot on Sunday.

Hugh Morrus vs. Meng

Time for a guy getting a title shot on Sunday (in theory) to get squashed. Morrus hammers away but stupidly tries a headbutt. Meng rakes the eyes and no sells a spinwheel kick of all things before chopping Morrus around like he’s nothing. A boxing match goes badly for Morrus and here are the Outsiders through the crowd. Morrus scores with a slam and hits a pair of top rope elbows but stops to talk to Jimmy Hart, allowing Meng to no sell again and Death Grip Morrus for the win. So long logic. It was nice knowing you. Well at least it was years ago when WCW was actually logical but this is a step down even for them.

Here are Sid and the lawyers, complete with a piece of paper. It’s the contract for Halloween Havoc but Sid rips it to pieces after the spear last week. Cue Goldberg to clean house and spear an attorney, only to get kicked in the head and powerbombed. The lawyer is up in about ten seconds as Sid says he’ll see Goldberg at Halloween Havoc. Sid and company leave so the Outsiders laugh at Goldberg, earning them punches to the face. Just get them back in the ring already. The Outsiders are ejected.

Bret Hart promises to give Hogan a title shot if he wins tonight. Sting comes in and jumps Bret but security breaks it up.

Hall and Nash can’t get back in the building.

Goldberg is looking for Sid.

Berlyn vs. Rick Steiner

So…..Rick is a face here? Berlyn stomps away in the corner to start, already with more offense than almost anyone else ever. A big Steiner Line takes Berlyn down and Rick barks like a good dog. Berlyn gets sent outside but Brad Armstrong comes in for a distraction. The bodyguard swings a chair and hits Rick (not clear who he was aiming for), giving Berlyn the fluke pin.

Rick beats up Armstrong post match and takes him into the back.

The Outsiders sneak in, high on cough syrup. Seriously.

Kimberly is at the hotel and strips down to her lingerie, only to find Ric instead of David. More hijinks later I’m sure.

Goldberg runs into the Insane Clown Posse (dang it!) and beats them up for not knowing where Sid is. Good Goldberg.

Luger is worried about facing Goldberg.

Madusa starts packing while Mona gets ready for their match.

David Flair vs. Kidman

Torrie is with Kidman and kisses him before the match. David charges right at Kidman and is promptly beaten into the ground. A HORRIBLE looking shoulder drops Kidman (imagine the way people would bounce off Vader but with David running instead of someone running at him) and a suplex gets two. Kidman nails a dropkick and a middle rope legdrop. David fights up but Torrie opens her rope to reveal some rather fetching lingerie of her own, allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb and Shooting Star for the pin.

The Filthy Animals hit the ring and beat David up. They’re good guys you know.

The Outsiders offer Gene cough syrup. If there’s a point to this I’m not seeing it.

Ric is back (about fifteen minutes at most after we saw him) and looking for the Filthy Animals.

Madusa vs. Mona

Evening gown match which Tony credits to the new creative team. This is a New York evening gown match, whatever that means. Tony tries to call this a Nitro moment, whatever that means. For some reason I seem to be saying that far too often tonight. Mona goes right for her to start and snaps off a suplex followed by a high cross body.

Madusa hooks a suplex of her own and hammers away in the corner. A kick to the head takes out the referee because a freaking evening gown match needs a ref bump. Madusa blasts Mona in the back with a chair but goes after the announcers for no apparent reason, only to have Mona rip her dress off. We’ll say that’s a win, even though Mona walks to the back before we have a decision.

Madusa yells about “everyone behind here” and tells them what they can do. It’s censored but I think you can put the idea together yourself.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Sting is defending, six days before he defends against Hogan. For some reason Bret comes from the side of the entrance instead of right down the middle. During Sting’s entrance, we see a sign saying “Owen we miss you.” My goodness it makes me sad to think about that Bret vs. Benoit match after this mess tonight. Bret hammers away to start and pounds the champ down in the corner before they’re quickly on the floor. You expected a match to last long in the ring?

All Bret as he takes Sting back inside and kicks him in the “lower abdomen”. Sting avoids a charge in the corner and hits a Warrior splash for two. Back to the floor for more brawling with Sting choking with a cord. That’s one of the first heel things he’s done since he turned over a month ago. Back in and another splash hits Bret’s knees before a DDT gets two on the champ. A swinging neckbreaker and suplex get two each for Bret but Sting comes back with the Stinger Splash for no cover.

Bret gets crotched against the post a few times (as usual the referee is fine with this) and we hit the chinlock. A knee to the ribs stops his comeback and the big elbow actually hits. I’m not sure how to respond to that as I’m in total shock. Has that EVER hit? The chinlockery continues before Sting misses a dropkick. Heenan thinks both guys could go for their leg locks but Bret opts for a piledriver and two instead.

Now the hold goes on but Sting gets over to the ropes. Back up and Sting is limping, so Bret hammers on the lower back. What exactly does the Sharpshooter hurt anyway? Sting gets in a shot to the face to get a breather but the knee gives out on a suplex attempt. The champ throws on a sleeper but Bret suplexes his way out.

It’s Sting up first but his top rope splash hits knees. Cue Elizabeth as Bret starts in on the five moves of doom. Now we have Luger with the bat but Bret nails him coming in. The distraction (plus Liz on the apron) has Bret in trouble and Luger nails him in the knee with the bat, setting up the Scorpion to retain the title.

Rating: B. See, this is called a wrestling match. You had two guys wrestling each other (mostly) for about twelve minutes before the screwy shenanigans began. Screwy shenanigan are fine, but let us have some wrestling to get us there. Bret vs. Sting could have been a major PPV headlining match, but instead let’s just throw it away here with an hour and a half build. Such is life in 1999.

Ric yells at David for some reason but David says Kidman beat him up. Papa Flair doesn’t buy it.

The Outsiders have stolen the Villanos’ masks. Sure why not.

La Parka vs. Buff Bagwell

This is actually fallout from Thunder where these two teamed together for no apparent reason. Literally, La Parka just ran out and helped Bagwell and they teamed up in the main event that night. Buff walked out on the match though and La Parka got beaten up instead. La Parka now has chains on his outfit. You would think he would get a push already, and somehow he’s more likely to under the new regime. Buff walks out instead of dancing so I guess he’s officially a heel. He casually shoves La Parka away and they trade arm work.

They’re playing up the idea that Buff’s heart isn’t in this. Buff hiptosses him down and stands in the corner. La Parka hammers away in the corner but misses a running dropkick. Bagwell gets all fired up but stops to pose, telling La Parka to kick him in the head. La Parka does what Buff asks and gets the pin. Oh yay. We’re SHOOTING again.

The locker room celebrates Buff’s loss for no apparent reason.

Buff gets on the mic and asks if Russo did a good job for him and wants to know who else is going to beat him. Ah so that’s what they were going with. I thought it might be something a bit more interesting like Buff not needing to try because he was the chosen one. Why do that when we can SHOOT though?

Anyway, Jeff Jarrett runs out and blasts Bagwell with the guitar in his big return after holding up Vince McMahon for money (totally smart move at the time, but bad long term) at last night’s No Mercy PPV. Jeff asks how he could be on a pay per view last night and here now. He has the stroke and it’s right between his legs.

The Outsiders can’t get past security and Nash vomits.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Perry Saturn

This could be interesting and it’s under elimination rules. No one actually gets an entrance though and the interest is already dying down. Shane Douglas is on commentary. The relatives shake hands but Eddie goes after Saturn. Chavo grabs a quick rollup for two but Saturn starts suplexing Guerreros. A Lionsault gets two on Eddie and Chavo’s cross body gets the same on Saturn.

Eddie suplexes his nephew to the floor but turns around for a superkick. As you would expect, the announcers ignore the match to talk about the Revolution and how awesome Shane is. Chavo stays on the floor as Saturn beats up Eddie, only to go after the younger Guerrero for a change. Eddie hits a big dive to take them both out and they fight on the floor to fulfill the Russo requirement.

They head back inside and go up top for a Tower of Doom, but Chavo flips backwards instead of falling flat, landing on his head instead of his back for a SCARY botch. Cue the Animals to yell at Douglas but Saturn dives onto Kidman, only to hit the chair in Kidman’s hands. Chavo throws Saturn back inside for a frog splash from Eddie for the elimination, followed by a quick tornado DDT to give Chavo the win.

Rating: C. This was entertaining enough (terrifying botch aside) but it was more background noise while Shane furthered the feud with the Filthy Animals. Is the Revolution even a thing anymore though? They seem to have split several times now, meaning I’m sure there will be an even bigger swerve on Sunday. Also, make sure to have Chavo, who isn’t even on the show Sunday, get the win over the people in a story. Keep up that CRAZY booking Vince.

Recap of Sid vs. Goldberg tonight.

Horace Hogan vs. Norman Smiley

Hardcore, because that was big in the WWF at the time. Horace jumps him in the aisle and makes Norman scream with the threat of a trashcan shot. They get inside where Norman stops a charge by kicking the can into Horace’s face. More screaming ensues. Horace hammers away a bit more but gets sent into the steps. That goes nowhere as he hot shots Norman onto the barricade and takes him back inside for a superplex. Now Norman is crying. It’s table time but Norman collapses, sending Horace charging through the table instead, giving Norman the pin.

Rating: D. Well that happened, and unfortunately this is going to be what Norman is best remembered for. Yeah he’s a talented wrestler and a solid trainer, but the thing he’s most well known for is screaming and crying. Unfortunately this is going to get even worse for him in coming months, but to be fair it’s funny at times.

Here’s Ric Flair to yell about Eric Lindros and the Filthy Animals. He’s been in this sport for a long time now and knows David can be great if the Animals will just leave him alone. Cue the Animals to beat up Ric, as well as David on a save attempt. The Animals rip Ric’s clothes off and steal his jewelery because they’re heroes.

Elizabeth is out back with a guitar next to her head. I bet she did it.

Total Package vs. Goldberg

Goldberg’s trunks say Team Obake on the back, which is apparently an MMA thing. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Goldberg getting the better of it, as you would expect. They head inside with Luger scoring with some ax handles to the back but Goldberg no sells a suplex. A big superkick drops Luger as this is starting to resemble a match. Goldberg throws him over with a half butterfly suplex but misses the spear in the corner. Luger keeps the offense going with a running clothesline as I’m amazed that some of his matches with Flair were only eleven years earlier.

An elbow drop gets two but Goldberg nails a flying shoulder to take over again. More heavy forearms have Luger in trouble but the referee gets bumped because what would a wrestling match be without that? Here are the high Outsiders again to keep up an unfunny angle (security around here sucks) but Sting runs down with the bat to lay out Goldberg. Cue a limping Bret to nail Sting with the bat but he breaks it over the ring post. Bret and Sting get inside with Hart putting on the Sharpshooter as I feel like I’m watching Raw. Everything breaks down and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to end Luger.

Rating: D-. Luger is the definition of a wrestler who has his position because he used to be good at this. At least Hogan was easy to hate. Luger on the other hand is just a guy with big muscles who hits people in the back and occasionally uses a torture rack. The cough syrup thing continues to be a waste of time but that’s the case with a lot of Russo ideas. The match was your usual bad brawling before we got to the angle for another Russo signature.

Tony promises that this is just the beginning to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness we’re in for a long ride. You can see Raw here but minus people like Rock, Austin, HHH, Edge and Christian and the Hardys and with shorter matches and less logic than the Corporate Ministry. I didn’t even mention the shots of people walking in the back, which is a trend that continues to this day. Why do I need to see someone walking through the back? Just say what’s coming next and save some time.

This is still in the transition phase between booking plans, but instead of letting the transition happen naturally, the old stuff was ripped up and put in its new pot. That makes for a very awkward show and you can see the fans dying from exhaustion about an hour into the show. I’ll give them this though: it was NOT boring. It didn’t make sense half the time and felt like a parody of a bad wrestling company than a show trying to compete, but it was not boring.

On top of that, the pay per view was barely mentioned outside of Hogan vs. Sid. I have almost no idea what the card is for Sunday, but I have a feeling that’s universal in WCW. Finally, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE OUTSIDERS BEING HIGH ON COUGH SYRUP??? What a bizarre show, but it’s going to get much, much worse.

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Wrestlemania X
Date: March 20, 1994
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Anyone that has read my stuff over the years knows that I believe Wrestlemania X7 to be the undisputed best show ever. This is one of the small handful of shows that I actually think about for awhile before saying X7 is better. On this show are two of the best matches of all time and two world title matches, all without Hogan. This show feels like a major show and it more than lives up to the hype. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from the first Wrestlemania. That still holds up to this day.

Little Richard and a choir sing America the Beautiful. The first version is just Richard but the choir kicks in on the second one, making for an awesome performance.

We recap Bret vs. Owen. Expect to hear the words “we recap” a lot tonight, because there is A LOT of backstory to this show. Back in mid to late 1993, Owen was getting annoyed at Bret getting all of the spotlight, but he went along with Bret and two more brothers on a Survivor Series team against Shawn Michaels and the Knights. The Knights were easily dispatched, but late in the match Owen was knocked into Bret, sending the elder brother (Bret) into the barricade. As his family went to check on him, Owen was rolled up and pinned, making him the only Hart to be eliminated.

This sent Owen into a tirade about how Bret was always hogging the spotlight. Owen challenged Bret to a match but Bret said no way. Instead, Bret offered to team up with Owen to win the tag titles, which was enough to appease Owen. At the Royal Rumble during the title shot, Bret injured his knee and refused to tag late in the match, causing the referee to stop the match due to the injury. Owen finally snapped and kicked Bret’s bad leg out from under him, fully turning heel in an awesome and totally justified moment.

Later in the night, Bret was in the Royal Rumble. He and Lex Luger were the last two men in the match and they both went out at the same time. No one could tell who hit the ground first, so they were declared co-winners. Therefore, both guys get title matches tonight. A coin toss was determined who would get the first shot at champion Yokozuna, which was won by Lex. Therefore, Lex gets a title shot first tonight, but Bret has to face suitable competition so he doesn’t get an unfair advantage in the later match. His opponent is his brother Owen (Luger would have faced Crush is Bret had won the toss). Got all that?

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

For reasons I’m not clear on, the Fink isn’t the announcer tonight. They lock up to start and Owen shoves Bret away, earning himself some celebrating. Bret takes him down to the mat but Owen escapes and celebrates again. Back to the mat for some amateur stuff but Owen grabs the rope. Owen tries to take it to the mat but Bret easily counters to send him out to the floor. Back in and Owen slaps him in the face to fire up his older brother.

More amateur stuff ensues and Owen gets to do his spinning counter to a wristlock, only to pull Bret down by the hair. Bret channels his inner Shawn and nips up before getting two off a rollup. Bret takes over with an armbar and a clothesline to send Owen out to the floor. Back in again and Bret slaps the blonde Hart before rolling him up for two. Bret hooks the armbar again before getting two off a crucifix. We’re about five minutes into this now and there is absolutely nothing to complain about. They get up again and Owen hits a sweet spinwheel kick to take over before stomping Bret to the floor.

Owen rams Bret back first into the post as the anger is starting to seep out. A backbreaker sets up a camel clutch back inside as Lawler is loving this. Owen yells at his brother in a great touch to the evilness. Bret breaks it pretty quickly but walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. A cross body by Owen is rolled through by Bret for two but Owen goes straight to the back again. Owen hits a German suplex for two and drops a leg on the back of Bret’s head for two more.

Bret tries to spin out of a suplex but gets caught in a tombstone. Owen goes up top but misses a swan dive, giving Bret the breather that he’s been needing. Bret starts firing back and gets two each off a clothesline and a Russian legsweep. There’s the backbreaker followed by the middle rope elbow for two more. It’s Sharpshooter time but Owen pops up and hits the enziguri to put Bret down.

Another Sharpshooter attempt is countered by Owen and a rollup gets two on Bret. This is very fast paced stuff. Owen heads to the floor and we get LUCHA BRET as he takes out his brother. He hurts his knee in the process though and Owen is very happy. Back inside and Owen goes for the leg, wrapping it around the post a few times because that’s what villains do. Off to an inverted Indian Deathlock by Owen but he lets it go before too long.

There’s a yet to be named dragon screw leg whip followed by a Figure Four (wrong leg of course) as Bret is in big trouble. Bret reverses and rolls into the ropes to break the hold but his knee is gone. An enziguri finally puts Owen down and buys big brother a breather. A headbutt puts Owen down again and there’s the chest first into the buckle bump for Owen. A bulldog gets two on Owen as does a sweet piledriver.

There’s a superplex for a delayed two as Jerry Lawler is freaking out. A sleeper is quickly broken up by a hidden low blow from Owen and it’s time for the Sharpshooter on Bret. The older Hart slaps the mat but it doesn’t mean anything yet. Bret reverses into a Sharpshooter of his own but Owen is right in front of the ropes. Owen charges into a boot in the corner so Bret loads up a rollup, but Owen counters into a cradle for the 100% clean pin.

Rating: A+. If there’s a better opening match anywhere, I’d love to see it. This was Owen’s coming out party and he looked excellent in doing it. Bret has no shame in losing here as he didn’t so much get beat as much as he got caught. This set up a great feud over the summer for the title between these two, but it never reached this level again. There was some DEEP psychology going on out there with Bret being hesitant to fight his brother and Owen using the advantage to catch Bret in a wrestling move, all on top of the leg injury. Excellent match and one of the best ever.

Owen says he told us all he could do it and he’s absolutely right.

We look at the Wrestlemania II battle royal.

Sy Sperling of the Hair Club for Men debuts a hairpiece for Fink. I’m thinking no on this one Howard.

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Bigelow runs over Doink to start with a clothesline and a dropkick to silence the crowd. A headbutt misses though and the Clown pounds away a bit. Bigelow misses an elbow drop and it’s off to Dink, meaning Luna has to come in as well. This is your usual “comedy” but Luna does hit a running hip attack in 619 position but Dink starts running around in circles. The small clown goes up top but misses a dive.

Vachon goes up but misses a BIG splash, allowing the big boys to come back in. Doink pounds away but is clotheslined to the floor with one shot. Dink annoys both heels but Doink comes back in, only to be sat on in a sunset flip attempt. A charges misses the big clown though and a jumping DDT puts Bigelow down. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) completely misses and Dink is knocked to the floor. Doink tries a suplex but Bigelow falls on him for two. The top rope headbutt is enough to finish off the clowns.

Rating: D. This was bad but not completely terrible. Doink wasn’t doing his stupid comedy and thankfully Bigelow didn’t have to look all that stupid, which is the worst thing they could have done. The match wasn’t much but to be fair they needed something to give the crowd a breather after the awesome opener. This wasn’t horrible.

Bigelow tries to crush Dink but Doink makes the save.

A Bill Clinton impersonator is here. Somehow I.R.S. gets a spot in the presidential box.

Wrestlemania III was awesome!

Randy Savage vs. Crush

This is the result of a big heel turn by Crush where he cost Savage his broadcasting job. The idea was Yokozuna injured Crush but Savage didn’t come visit him, so Crush turned on him. This is a twist on the falls count anywhere match, but the deal is you have to pin someone out of the ring and the pinned guy has 60 seconds to make it back to the ring, making it more like a last man standing match actually. It’s also no holds barred.

Savage charges at Crush in the aisle but gets dropped on the barricade for a pin in about 40 seconds. Of course Savage makes it back in (despite some Fuji interference) but that’s a nice quick introduction to the concept. Savage is put in the Tree of Woe where Crush stomps away. Fuji hands Crush some salt but Randy knocks it into the evil one’s face. A top rope double ax has Crush in trouble and there’s the big elbow, but Savage has to send Crush to the floor before pinning him. Smart indeed. Crush beats the count after Fuji pours some water on his face.

Crush comes back with a kind of hot shot to send Savage to the floor, but Randy immediately comes back by sending Crush into the post. They fight into the crowd where Crush superkicks Savage’s head off. A piledriver doesn’t work on Savage so they fight into the back. Savage rams Crush into various metal objects and gets a pin, but instead of leaving he ties Crush’s feet up with a rope and hangs him upside down. It doesn’t quite work as Crush falls just after Savage leaves, but the clock was running the whole time and Savage wins.

Rating: C. Keeping in mind that this was 1994, this was pretty good. Sixty seconds was too long of an interval as it was too long before the guy was in danger. If they cut it doewn to about thirty, this would have been much better. Either way, not bad here and more proof that Savage was still a very valuable asset to Vince, but for whatever reason (not Stephanie), he was let go.

Fake Clinton says he’s a fan. I.R.S. congratulates him on raising taxes.

We see videos from Fan Fest, which was the forerunner to Axxess.

Savage celebrates with the fans. He also won a tournament for the world title at Wrestlemania IV.

Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Alundra Blayze

Kai was at the first Wrestlemania if that tells you anything. Blayze is the new champion after the belt was resurrected for no apparent reason. Kai, a Hawaiian/something else hybrid, runs Blayze over but gets caught in a sunset flip a few seconds later for two. Lelani comes back with a chokebomb for no cover but a bad splash gets two.

The champ comes back with a hurricanrana before there was a name for such a thing in America. Either way it gets two and we head to the floor. That goes nowhere so Kai hits a butterfly suplex for two. Blayze comes back with some basic strikes and some hair drags for two each. Alundra hits her bridging German suplex to retain a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Was there a point to this? I didn’t think so either so let’s see what was stupid about it. First of all, the “division” had two regulars in it: Blayze and a Japanese monster named Bull Nakano. Based on that, it’s pretty clear why the division was done in just a few months, not to be mentioned again for about four years.

Roddy Piper sprayed a non-celebrity with a fire extinguisher at Mania V.

Tag Titles: Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

The Quebecers are defending and have Johnny Polo with them. About a year later, Polo would become Raven. The Men on a Mission are Mabel (Viscera) and perhaps the most worthless wrestler that I can think of at the moment, Mo. They were purple and gold and rap with their manager Oscar. That’s about it. Before the match, here’s some big chested blonde talk show host for Shawn to hit on. Burt Reynolds, pretty clearly bombed, shows up to steal her. From what I’ve heard, Reynolds was the biggest jerk on the planet backstage at this show.

The Quebecers are the Mountie and another Canadian who dress like Mounties. True story: the Royal Canadian Mounted Police yelled at the WWF and said they had to have their song (it might have been just the Mountie actually. Not that it matters) changed to say “We’re NOT the Mounties” because the RCMP was worried about people believing they were real corrupt Mounties. Wait why am I spending this much space on this match?

Anyway the champions jump the Men before the bell but 500lb+ Mabel runs them oveand brings in Mo. Since Mo is the most worthless wrestler I can think of at this moment, he’s easily beaten down and not many people care. Mo is sent to the floor and Pierre backdrops Jacques over the top and onto the worthless one. Back in and a double hot shot gets two on Mo. This is going nowhere.

Mo comes back with a forward roll attack but the tag isn’t seen. Wait yes it is and Mabel cleans house. The champions try a double suplex on the fat man but hurt their backs in the process. They try it again and actually get it to work as Polo celebrates. Pierre hits the Cannonball (assisted Swanton Bomb) for two and Mabel starts firing back. The Men hit their double splash but there’s no referee. END THIS NONSENSE ALREADY! Mabel splashes Pierre on the floor….and it’s a countout.

Rating: F+. There was no structure, there was no flow, Mo is worthless, Mabel is fat and worthless, the ending sucked, and there was entirely too little Johnny Polo. Was there ANYTHING good about this match? Oh wait the suplex was good. To give you an idea of how bad Men on a Mission were, they accidentally won the titles at a house show around this time as Mabel was too fat to get up on a cover and Jacques couldn’t kick out.

Wrestlemania VI had the Ultimate Challenge.

We do the “celebrities” for the first title match. Basically it’s the aforementioned talk show host and a member of New Kids on the Block. Seriously, that’s it. There’s a guest referee though: Mr. Perfect. Now remember last year when Luger knocked out Mr. Perfect? Well there was never any retribution for that…..but I’m sure it won’t mean anything here right?

WWF World Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

Yoko is defending of course and there’s also backstory to this. The idea here is that last 4^th of July, Yokozuna held a bodyslam challenge on board the U.S.S. Intrepid. No one could slam him and the contest was closed, but a helicopter landed on the ship and out stepped Lex Luger. He hit a running forearm and slammed Yokozuna to get the biggest face turn in years. He then went around the country on a bus, begging for a title shot because he was MADE IN THE USA.

Anyway, he got the shot at Summerslam with the catch that it was his ONLY shot. Luger did indeed beat Yoko….by countout. Therefore he was frozen out of the title picture, unless he could win the Royal Rumble. We’ve already covered that though so here’s the first title match. Luger gets a bit intro with fireworks, but do you really think New York City is going to cheer him? Especially with BRET HART in the wings? You should know better than that.

Luger pounds away like any AMERICAN hero worth his (certainly not Japanese) salt. A big right hand sends Yoko out to the floor and there’s an ax handle to the back of the head. Luger busts out a freaking TOP ROPE CROSS BODY for two and a jumping elbow for the same. Since it’s early in the match, a slam completely fails and Yoko falls on top for two. Yoko rips a buckle pad off but we hit the nerve hold for a bit instead. Luger fights out of it but Yoko rams into him to stop any comeback.

Back to el nerve hold which has been running for about five minutes total now. Luger fights up but Fuji pulls the rope down to send him to the outside. Back in and BACK TO THE NERVE HOLD. After about 87 years Luger fights up and makes his comeback….only to be knocked down by a chop. Yoko tries to send Luger into Chekov’s buckle but gets sent into it himself of course.

Luger makes his REAL comeback and hits a clothesline to put Yoko down and there’s the “slam” (more like he picked up Yoko and dropped him). The forearm knocks Yoko out but Luger has to beat up Fuji and Cornette. Perfect won’t count so Luger shoves him…AND THAT’S A DQ! Holy screwjob! That’s clearly what the fans are chanting: screwjob, not some other word that starts with s and often comes after holy.

Rating: D+. It’s rare to see Luger as the star of a match but that’s certainly the case here. That nerve hold was RIDICULOUS as it was about 80% of the champion’s “offense”, although a case can be made that he was saving strength for later tonight which is understandable. This was a callback to something that most people didn’t remember, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fair game. Unfortunately Perfect would injure his back again after this and not be able to payoff this feud. Either way, Luger is officially a choker in the WWF and was done as a world title contender after this.

Luger and Perfect yell at each in the back.

At Wrestlemania VII, Savage and Liz reunited. The moment given here is the Blindfold match but screw that.

Here’s Harvey Wippleman to yell at Fink for having a stupid hairpiece. They get in a shoving match but Adam Bomb comes out to scare Fink. This brings out….EARTHQUAKE?

Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake

This is barely a match as Quake hits his powerslam and the Earthquake gets the pin in less than 40 seconds. This is what you call “being way over time and needing to hurry up.” I’m shocked Earthquake had a job at this point.

Cornette goes on a rant against Lex Luger and cats while also calling Todd Pettingill “Petting Zoo” before yelling about Bret Hart. Then he talks about fish and Bret starting a feeding frenzy of sharks. I could listen to Cornette ramble while still staying on point for HOURS.

The Wrestlemania VIII moment is the Undertaker. Seriously, that’s it. No mention of his match, whether he won or lost, his opponent, or anything shown other than a closeup of him walking to the ring. Just the Undertaker.

Ready for some more backstory? Back in 1993, Shawn Michaels was Intercontinental Champion but failed a drug test. To this day Shawn says he didn’t do it but that’s beside the point. We needed a new champion so Ramon won a battle royal and then a match to win the title. Shawn came back with the original belt and said he never lost, so he was still the champion. The solution? Put both belts on a ladder and let them climb up to pull them down in a classic match that might be the match of the decade.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

Shawn has Diesel with him here. Diesel is told to leave but just doesn’t because that’s the kind of guy he is. Basic stuff to start with Shawn blocking a hip toss but getting chokeslammed instead. They hit the ropes to build some speed and Shawn hits a neckbreaker. Razor gets sent to the floor and there’s a clothesline from Diesel, earning him another ejection which actually works this time.

Anyway Shawn gets punched in the jaw and Razor takes over again. Shawn is knocked into the corner before a BIG clothesline puts him on the floor. Razor exposes the concrete but we head back inside before he can use it. The Razor’s Edge is loaded up but Shawn backdrops Ramon over the top and onto the concrete, possibly injuring an elbow. Shawn gets the ladder but Razor jacks his jaw to stop it. The ladder is slid inside but Shawn hits a baseball slide to knock it into Ramon’s ribs.

Back inside again and the ladder is rammed into Razor’s ribs both in the corner and on the mat. Shawn throws the ladder onto Razor’s back which looks SICK. He tosses it at Razor against the ropes and goes for a climb, only to have Razor pull Shawn’s tights down and give us a rather unpleasant (or pleasant depending on your preferences) view. Not that it matters as Shawn knocks him down and climbs again, this time hitting a pretty famous splash to crush Razor again.

Razor saves another climb by shoving the ladder over, sending Shawn onto the top rope. We get a camera shot from above the ring, showing both guys laid out on the mat. Cool shot. Back up and Michaels is whipped into the ladder in the corner, knocking him out to the floor. Razor rams the ladder into Shawn’s chest with his back against the post. If that’s not enough, Razor launches Shawn into the ladder against the apron to keep Michaels in agony.

Back in and Ramon BLASTS Shawn with the ladder to knock him to the outside again. Razor climbs up but Shawn dives off the top rope to knock him down. The ladder falls onto Shawn in the process to keep both guys on the mat. They both start to climb but the ladder is bent. Shawn is higher up but can’t hang in a slugout with Razor. Michaels gets punched down but the ladder gives way under Razor, sending him down.

Ramon climbs again but Shawn dropkicks the ladder which doesn’t topple over this time. In a smart move, Shawn pushes the ladder over onto Razor’s back to take control again. A big piledriver puts Razor down so Shawn goes to the corner. In another famous visual, Shawn rides the ladder down onto Razor, crushing him yet again. Since he’s a jerk though, Shawn puts the ladder over top of Razor, but Ramon gets up and knocks Shawn off the ladder. Michaels gets tangled in the ropes, allowing Razor to climb up to unify the titles.

Rating: A+. This is one of the matches that reignited the midcard scene after things had died down for a bit. It also paved the way for the insane style that would start to dominate about five years later. That being said, it’s still a freaking AWESOME match with some iconic spots such as the splash. It also started Shawn on the roll of a lifetime, as the next year he would be in the world title match at Wrestlemania then win the title the following year. This match is required viewing for fans.

I.R.S. and company argue in the back, so let’s just cancel a ten man tag. In other words, we’re running long and don’t have time. It happened on Raw the next night and no one remembers it.

Ted DiBiase tries to bribe Mr. President.

Wrestlemania IX’s moment is Fuji throwing salt in Bret’s eyes. We don’t see the pin for some reason though.

Videos on Bret and Yoko set up the main event.

Burt Reynolds is guest ring announcer and my goodness he makes Scott Hall look like a poster boy for AA. Oh and Jennie Garth from Beverly Hills 90210 is timekeeper. The guest referee: Roddy Piper (pause for the huge ovation) who may or may not hate Bret because of what happened at Mania 8. Nice touch.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Yoko is defending if you can’t tell. Burt is barely able to read lines off a card. Hart is STILL selling the leg from earlier, because that’s how awesome he is. Yoko jumps Bret to start and the fans are already fired up for this. Bret tries to fire back with some punches but Yoko stomps him down. Piper and Cornette get in an argument as Yoko blasts Hart. The splash misses though and Bret pounds away, only to hurt his head on a headbutt.

Hart actually manages to punch Yoko down and gets two off an ax handle to the back. The champion comes back with fat man offense and drops the big leg for two. A headbutt puts Bret on the floor but he gets back in at eight. Yoko misses a charge in the corner and there’s a bulldog out of the corner to put the big man down. That only gets two though, as does the middle rope elbow. Bret keeps limping and hits the Hart Attack clothesline for a delayed two.

The belly to belly puts Bret down but Yoko won’t cover for no apparent reason. Instead he loads up the Banzai Drop, only to fall victim to the powers of gravity. It knocks the wind out of the monster, allowing Hart to hook the leg for the pin and the title as the roof is blown off of Madison Square Garden for about the fifth time tonight.

Rating: B-. While it isn’t a classic, the fans were WAY into this and it’s a feel good moment to end the show. Bret was fighting a very different kind of match here rather than he did the previous year, as here he was taking it straight to Yoko instead of sticking and moving. Very solid match here all things considered and a great way to get the giant out of the title scene.

The locker room empties out to celebrate with Bret but Owen stands in the aisle and stares down his brother to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. This is one of those shows where the bad stuff is bad, but on the other hand the good stuff is absolutely outstanding. With two of the best matches of all time on one show it’s easily one of if not the strongest Wrestlemanias from an in ring perspective. On top of that, the show had long lasting impact as the company focus shifted to the smaller sized guys and longer matches. This was an excellent show but some of the bad stuff can be fast forwarded.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Original: F

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. Crush

Original: C+

Redo: C

Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai

Original: D-

Redo: D

Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

Original: F

Redo: F+

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Original: F

Redo: D+

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A-

I was a bit too nice to the middle part of the show last time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/17/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-10-maybe-the-best-mania-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

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