Wrestlemania IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,981
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

We’re into the Monday Night Raw era as things are definitely shifting to a new generation. The main event tonight is Bret Hart defending the title against the new monster known as Yokozuna. Other than that we’ve got Beefcake/Hogan challenging Money Inc. for the tag titles in a match that sounds odd when I type it for some reason. Let’s get to it.

Gorilla Monsoon is host this year, which means we need a new commentator. We’ll get to that in a bit, but first of all let’s acknowledge the theme of the show: the World’s Largest Toga Party. Yeah that’s not going to get stupid at all.

Jim Ross debuts on WWF TV for the first time ever in a surprise jump from the other company. Granted it was about a year or so since JR was last seen but it was still surprising.

Cesar and Cleopatra are introduced to the crowd.

Randy Savage comes out on a sedan with the vestal virgins. Bobby Heenan is brought out riding a camel backwards, which he claims was supposed to be the sedan. Funny bit here.

Intercontinental Title: Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn is defending of course and has the debuting Luna Vachon behind him. Tatanka is still undefeated here and would be so until much later in the year. Shawn’s former manager, Sensational Sherri, comes down the aisle to stare at Shawn and presumably be in Tatanka’s corner. Tatanka takes Shawn down a few times to start and they fight over arm control. Shawn comes back with a headlock and climbs the ropes to roll Tatanka down with it for two.

The champion tries it again but gets caught in a belly to back suplex for two this time instead. Shawn goes up again but dives into an armdrag as things pick up a bit. There’s a Flair Flip in the corner and a big chop puts Shawn on the floor. Sherri and Luna get in a staredown and Luna licks the ring post. More chops keep Michaels on the floor as the fans are getting into this.

Back in again and Shawn comes off the top with a semi-botched sunset flip for two but Tatanka comes right back with an atomic drop. A DDT puts Shawn down again and Tatanka works on Shawn’s apparently bad shoulder. Shawn tries a clothesline like an idiot and hurts his own arm again. We hit another armbar but Michaels fights up, only to charge shoulder first into the post.

Back to the armbar followed by a shoulder breaker for no cover by the challenger. A top rope chop to the shoulder has Shawn in even more trouble but a second attempt jumps into the superkick. Since it’s 1993 though that doesn’t end anything so Shawn sends Tatanka out to the floor. The girls get in another staredown but Shawn hits a running clothesline off the apron to take Tatanka out again.

Instead of following up, Shawn yells at Sherri. Since he’s Shawn Michaels though, he still maintains control with a neckbreaker for two. A standing dropkick gets two for Shawn and it’s off to a chinlock. That goes nowhere so Shawn hits a modified victory roll out of the corner for two. The shoulder seems to be fine now. Tatanka counters another victory roll attempt into an electric chair to put both guys down. A very delayed cover gets two for the challenger and it’s time to go on the warpath.

Shawn gets caught in a cross body for two and a slingshot sends him face first into the post for two. The crowd is WAY into this match now. Tatanka’s Papoose To Go (Samoan Drop) is countered into a rollup for two for Shawn but he walks into a powerslam for two. Shawn sends him out to the floor and the fans chant for Sherri. Michaels dives off the apron but slams his head into the steps, knocking himself silly and causing a countout win for the racial stereotype.

Rating: B. If Tatanks wins clean here, it’s a near classic. This was a VERY solid opener with the fans getting completely into the near falls. The shoulder injury being forgotten ten minutes into it hurt things though as I can’t stand a plot point being introduced and then left completely alone. Also Tatanka should have won but it still makes for a fine opener.

Luna lays out Sherri while Tatanka celebrates not winning the title.

The Steiners are ready for the Headshrinkers.

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

This should be solid stuff. The Shrinkers are Samu and Fatu (Rikishi) here. Historic moment: JR calls this match a slobberknocker, unleashing the term on the wrestling world. The Headshrinkers have Afa as their manager, which will be mentioned later. Scott and Fatu start things off and after being shoved by the Samoan, Scott easily takes him down by the legs. A big old Steiner Line flips Fatu inside out but the Headshrinkers take Scott into the corner to work him over.

The Steiners are sent to the floor so they both climb to the top and hit a double Steiner Line to take both Samoans out to the floor. We settle down to Scott vs. Fatu again but it’s quickly off to Rick. Apparently Luna has attacked Sherri at the first aid station. Samu pounds on Rick in the corner and hits a running clothesline, only to be taken down by a running forearm/clothesline. Samu goes face first into the post to absolutely no effect, because he’s Samoan you see.

Back to Scott but Afa gets on the apron for a distraction. Scott charges into a hot shot to send him out to the floor in a NASTY looking bump. Afa cracks his staff over Scott’s back which looked great and sounded even greater. Things settle down a bit and Fatu hits a backbreaker and middle rope headbutt for two on Scott. A spinning kick to the face takes Scott down again but Samu charges into a boot in the corner.

Fatu blocks the hot tag by knocking Scott to the floor where he gets sent face first into the post. In a sweet sequence, Scott tries to ram Fatu’s head into the mat but Fatu pops up and superkicks Scott right back down. A modified Demolition Decapitatior gets two on Scott and let’s hit that nerve hold. Scott fights up and they collide as is common in tag matches. Heenan keeps ripping on JR and Oklahoma as Ross has almost no idea what to make of this kind of sarcasm. That says a lot when he used to work with Jim Cornette.

Back to Samu who goes up top, only to miss a top rope splash. The hot tag brings in Rick but a double headbutt immediately puts him back down. Here’s your awesome spot of the match: Rick gets loaded up in a Doomsday Device position but when Samu dives at him with a cross body, Rick catches him in mid air and powerslams/belly to belly suplexes him off Fatu’s shoulders and down. AWESOME looking move and they hit it perfectly. Scott hits a belly to belly on Fatu but Samu hits a superkick to take him right back down. Out of NOWHERE Scott hits the Frankensteiner for the pin. Nice bump from a guy that big.

Rating: B. I liked this one as much as I liked the opener which is saying a lot. This probably should have kicked the show off as the spots were hitting better and the fans were popping a lot louder, but I can get why they went with a title match. I’m a Headshrinkers fan so seeing them hold their own against one of the best teams ever is a very fun sight. Good match here and that powerslam was great.

Strap yourselves in now people, because it’s ALL downhill from here.

We cut to the back where Doink has desecrated a statue of Julius Caesar. This is when Doink is still the evil clown which had a ton of potential, but they of course had to make him kid friendly because that’s how wrestling works. The idea here is that Doink has been using evil pranks on Crush, including beating him with a prosthetic arm.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

This is during Crush-A-Mania when he was on the verge of getting the mega push to the stars which would never happen. Crush chases him around the ring to start and slams Doink on the floor before pounding Doink in the face a bit. Doink tries to punch back but Crush no sells everything. Back inside and Crush hits a neckbreaker for no cover. A neck snap over the top keeps Doink down as does a backbreaker. We’re three minutes in and it’s all Crush so far.

As Crush is hitting some Sheamus forearms on the apron, Doink hits a kind of Stunner on the top rope to take over. A few top rope forearms to the back of Crush’s head keeps us in clown control and a lame piledriver gets no cover. Doink actually slams him but goes up top and jumps into a boot to the jaw. A cross body attempt by the Clown doesn’t work as Crush hits a powerslam before clotheslining Doink to the floor.

Doink tries to crawl under the ring but gets hit with a gorilla press back in the ring. Crush puts on the head vice (finisher) but as Doink gets to the ropes, the referee is bumped. The vice goes on again but another Doink comes out from under the ring with the cast. He blasts Crush in the head with it and the original Doink gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was basically a squash until Doink got in some not terrible offense. Again though, this was when Crush was about to get pushed to the moon, so he loses to Doink? The Clown character had a ton of potential, but instead of going with something interesting like the Joker, we got FUN Doink soon after this, because that’s interesting stuff right?

Japanese tourist jokes aren’t funny so here are a bunch of them.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

This is right before Razor turned face and it’s clear why given how big the pop he gets here is. Backlund offers a handshake and gets a toothpick in the face instead. A LOUD Razor chant opens things up as Backlund is shoved into the corner. Ramon slams him down and stomps away as Savage brings up Lex Luger knocking Bret Hart out cold earlier today.

It comes up out of nowhere in the middle of this match because there’s no reason for this match to take place. Leave it to JR to bring it back to the match as Backlund makes his comeback. A butterfly suplex puts Razor down and there’s Backlund’s atomic drop. That gets no cover though, as Razor grabs a small package to pin the wrestler with a wrestling move.

Rating: D. This was a squash at a Wrestlemania in 1993. Razor would be turning face soon after this while Backlund did nothing at all for a LONG time until he went nuts and actually won the world title. Nothing to see here though and it was clear that the announcers didn’t care about the match at all.

We recap Money Inc. attacking Brutus Beefcake and injuring his face (again) on Raw. Hulk Hogan was watching and came back to save his little buddy. The champions (Money Inc.) says they’ll bankrupt Hogan and Beefcake. Oh and we hear about a black eye that Hogan has from working in the gym the previous night. I’ve heard a bunch of stories over that before, but the most common one I hear is Savage decking him in the eye because he thought Liz had cheated on him with Hogan. The other version (and possibly the real one) is that Hogan had an accident on a Jet-Ski.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Jimmy Hart is with the challengers because of how the champions hurt Beefcake. Hogan and Beefcake clear the ring while the music is still playing as the match begins. The champions stall on the floor for awhile until we get down to Beefcake (in a red/yellow mask) vs. I.R.S. The tax dude immediately goes for the face and it’s off to DiBiase for more of the same. DiBiase hits a middle rope ax handle to the mask and injures himself in the process. Ted continues to act way dumber than he is by ramming the mask into the buckle. So why did the punches work earlier?

Beefcake rams DiBiase’s head into the buckle instead and in the match we should have gotten five years ago, it’s Hogan vs. DiBiase. Ten punches in the corner put Ted down so Hogan pounds on the mat a bit. Off to Beefcake for a slam before it’s back to hogan for more punching. DiBiase ducks low and is immediately punched in the face again. I.R.S. comes in again and is punched by both Maniacs. All challengers so far.

The champions try to walk out but Finkus Maximus (remember the Roman theme) says that if they leave, they lose the titles. They get back in and the fans are chanting for Hogan. Ted goes for the throat to finally take over and I.R.S. chokes away a bit from the floor. More choking by DiBiase ensues before he cranks it up with the Million Dollar Dream. Savage: “They’re hanging from the rafter! Well they would if they had rafters. They have columns here and they’re hanging from them!”

I.R.S. tries to interfere for some reason but it allows Beefcake to come in with his own sleeper and put DiBiase out to break the hold and buy Hogan a breather. Hogan pops up and the double tag brings in Schyster to face Beefcake. An atomic drop puts Ted on the floor but the tax dude gets in a shot to Beefcake’s back to take over. Dibiase comes back in and rips the mask off of Brutus’ face so the champions can work over the face.

Beefcake comes back with a double clothesline out of nowhere but instead of tagging he puts I.R.S. in the sleeper. Ted breaks it up but the referee is bumped in the process. Hogan comes in like a hero and hits both guys with the steel mask but there’s no referee. What else do you do in this situation? You have Jimmy Hart turn his jacket inside out so it has white and black stripes and have him count then CELEBRATE LIKE YOU WON THE FREAKING BELTS. Another referee comes out to explain to Hogan how stupid he is and give Money Inc. the win by DQ.

Rating: D+. The match was ok at best but the ending is so dumb that I can barely comprehend it. I mean…..HOW STUPID CAN HOGAN POSSIBLY BE??? The guy has been around for nearly ten years and he thinks that would actually work? The match was just ok as it was mainly choking and punching for the first half, which is decent but nothing mind blowing. Then the ending sucked the life out of my brain which is normal for Hogan a lot of the time.

Lots of posing ensues but then the Maniacs open Money Inc.’s briefcase. They find tax forms, cash, and a brick. Heenan: “Well you never know when you’re gonna need a brick.” Hogan gives the money away and Heenan is suddenly a huge fan.

Todd Petingill finds Natalie Cole (singer I think) and the owner of Caesar’s Palace who are as riveting as you would expect.

Mr. Perfect says he’s going to solve the Lex Luger puzzle.

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

That sounds pretty awesome on paper. Anyway, Luger is the Narcissist at this point and comes out with some women in bikinis with thongs, sending Heenan through the roof. Well over the top of the columns at least. Perfect gets a very solid pop here but he would be used sparingly until he left in the fall. They trade headlocks to start and Luger bails to the corner. Now they trade hammerlocks and Luger bails to the ropes again.

Perfect hits a dropkick to send Luger to the outside as the crowd is staying hot. Back in and Luger starts using the power but Perfect blocks a big boot attempt. There’s the Robinsdale Crunch on Luger’s knee and Perfect cranks on it a bit for fun. We head to the corner for some LOUD chops but Lex whips him into the corner a few times to take over. We head to the floor with Luger ramming the injured back into the apron, followed by a backbreaker in the ring for two.

Perfect fights out of the corner with right hands but Luger scoops his legs and puts his own feet on the ropes for two. Mr. comes back with a nice sunset flip for two but a quick sleeper attempt is broken up. Back up and they slug it out a bit more with Perfect hitting a backdrop to take over. A slingshot sends Luger into the buckle and a forearm to the head gets two. Perfect hits a clothesline and neckbreaker for two each, as does a kind of missile dropkick. Luger wins the fight over a backslide and even though Perfect gets his feet in the ropes, Luger gets the pin anyway.

Rating: C. Decent match here but it never hit the level they were capable of. That ending was actually designed to set up something at the NEXT Wrestlemania which was unheard of at this point in time. Anyway, decent match here but it’s a disappointment due to how good this could and should have been.

Luger knocks him out post match and leaves. Perfect finally staggers after him and the fight starts again, until Shawn Michaels helps beat up Perfect.

Savage yells at Heenan for supporting Luger too much.

Gorilla Monsoon talks about the remaining matches.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Gonzalez is a legit 7’7 and is working for Harvey Wippleman for revenge on Undertaker after Undertaker got rid of Kamala. Taker comes out in a chariot and carrying a vulture. Undertaker literally only comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Some uppercuts stagger the Giant but he grabs Taker by the throat to stop him cold. Taker climbs to the second rope and grabs Gonzalez by the throat, only to get hit low to stop him again.

Old School staggers the Giant a bit but he comes back with a clothesline to take over. Taker is thrown across the ring and we get a standing chinlock by the monster. The famous one fights up but gets thrown to the outside with ease. Taker is sent into the steps and we head back inside. Gonzalez pounds away a bit more but Taker slugs away, knocking Gonzalez down to one knee. Wippleman throws in a rag, which apparently the announcers can smell a chemical on from twenty feet away in an outdoor arena with over 15,000 people in it. Apparently it’s ether or something, earning Taker a DQ win.

Rating: D-. Gonzalez was AWFUL which really hurt things a lot. The main issue Undertaker had at this point was no one had any idea what to do with him. They just had him fight monsters for years on end which you can only watch for so long. This story would be reused about 12 years later with Undertaker playing Undertaker, Daivari playing Wippleman and Great Khali playing Gonzalez.

Referees check on the unconscious Undertaker as Gonzalez chokeslams a referee. The fans chant for Hogan but a gong goes off and Taker staggers out to beat up the monster.

We recap Jim Duggan being destroyed by Yokozuna. The fat man did the same to Bret Hart as well, setting up this match. In the back, Hogan says he wants the first title shot against either Hart of the Jap. His words, not mine.

Todd Pettingill continues to annoy fans.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Bret is defending against Yoko who won the Royal Rumble. It wasn’t an automatic title shot yet but starting the following year it would be. Bret hits a quick dropkick and pounds away but a single shot knocks the champion away. A big tackle runs Bret over and sends him to the outside but he trips Yoko up to take him down. Bret pounds away but it doesn’t do a lot of damage. Yoko wins a battle of the clotheslines and a big old legdrop crushes the champ’s face.

Off to a nerve hold for a bit but Bret gets his feet up in the corner to block a charge. A middle rope bulldog puts the monster down for two which is a victory in and of itself. Yoko superkicks Bret down and it’s right back to the nerve hold. Bret fights up and makes his comeback, finally knocking Yoko down with a middle rope clothesline. A buckle pad is ripped off somewhere in there and Bret rams him face first into it. Yoko falls on his stomach and Bret gets the Sharpshooter, only to have Fuji throw salt in the champ’s face. That’s actually enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Bret did what he could but there’s a limit to what you can get out of a big fat guy like this. The ending is pretty lame and the match lasted less than nine minutes. That just doesn’t fit for a Wrestlemania main event but thankfully the rematch the next year would get more time and would be MUCH better.

Hogan runs out to check out Hart, so Mr. Fuji issues a challenge to Hogan for a title match RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to go get him and the fight is on.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Fuji misses a salt through, clothesline, legdrop, new champion.

Hogan poses a lot to end the show. Yeah that’s how Wrestlemania ends: in 22 seconds.

Overall Rating: D. The opening matches are as good as you’ll find for two straight openers at Mania in a long time, but after that it’s ALL downhill. The ending here was just stupid. First off, pride or whatever, WHY WOULD YOU GIVE A FRESH HULK HOGAN A WORLD TITLE SHOT AFTER YOU JUST WON THE BELT??? On top of that, we had some stupid endings with the tag title match and the Undertaker match, making this even worse. The problem with this show is other than the openers, it isn’t entertaining. I’ve never liked this show and most people don’t either, which is easy to understand.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

Redo: B

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

Redo: D+

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

Redo: D-

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

Redo: D

I actually liked it better this time. Man alive I must have been in a bad mood for the first one.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/16/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-9-wrestlemania-goes-outside/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Kevin Nash, Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko

Now we’re getting close to the end of an era for WCW, and there’s something special on this show. From what I understand, Kevin Nash is on his last night as the booker and is going to be sitting in on commentary tonight. This could range anywhere from absolutely hilarious to the biggest disaster since…..well probably since Fall Brawl actually. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

At least the show is live tonight so it only mostly sucks instead of completely sucking.

Tenay and Zbyszko don’t have an explanation for why Nash is there. His justification: he’s booked himself into a retirement angle so WCW is putting him in the booth to recoup some of his money. He hasn’t seen Hall since Hall left with two girls for sushi on Monday. Oh yeah this is going to be REALLY good.

Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker vs. Jim Duggan

During the entrances, the announcers aren’t sure if Goldberg vs. Sid is still on for Halloween Havoc. Normally the response would be “oh of course it is” but this is WCW so you never can tell. It’s a smart move to start this show with a former Mid-South star in Duggan. The fans chant USA as Duggan shoots at Parker with the board. That would be a different kind of shooting than Nash will likely be doing tonight. A right hand knocks Parker out to the floor and the brawl heads outside. Nash thinks Buddy should grab the board. That’s not a bad idea actually.

Parker stomps away and rakes the eyes back inside. He even avoids a charge in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Nash: “Use the board!” Duggan fights up with his wide variety of right hands, which thankfully are no longer taped. The three point clothesline and the Old Glory knee drop are enough for the pin. Nash: “Tenay where do you come up with the names for these names?”

Rating: D. I’m not sure what else you would expect out of this match. Parker was a jobber about ten years before this and is still at about the same level here. There wasn’t much to see, or unfortunately hear, in this one with the only funny line coming after the match with Nash asking where the Old Glory name came from.

Lash Leroux vs. Al Greene

Nash sings Al Green songs and brings up the two of them being old tag partners. More smart booking with Leroux in there, even though Nash shows a strange obsession with his sideburns. Lash punches out of a gorilla press and dances a bit before clotheslining Greene out to the floor. Tenay brings up Leroux challenging for the Cruiserweight Title at Halloween Havoc before Lash sends him into the buckle. Al catches him out of the air in a powerslam for two but Lash shrugs it off and hits Whiplash for the pin. Basically a squash and even Lash points at his sideburns. Oh they’re shaped like L’s. That’s…..well that’s something.

Video on the First Family vs. Harlem Heat. That’s something as well, but it’s something very, very bad.

Here are Luger and Elizabeth with something to say. Tenay announces Buff Bagwell vs. “The Package” next week like he’s announcing the main event of Starrcade. Luger talks about being in this business for thirteen years and thinks it’s ridiculous that they have to come to a town like Baton Rouge. The fans will have to shut up if they want him to talk. Nash: “He’s so smarmy!”

Luger asks Elizabeth how many internet emails, cards…..and then he trails off to yell at the fans about how awesome he is. Luger blames the fans for the death of Lex Luger because his greatness won’t be appreciated until he’s gone. Nash: “Does he use the Old Glory torture rack?” No one sent him any cards while he was recovering from his biceps injury because the fans want to climb over him to get to the top.

Cue Buff Bagwell who says he tried to get in touch with Luger while he was on the shelf and Luger seems to have forgotten some of his friends. Speaking of friends, what has been going on with Luger and Sting? Bagwell followed the two of them down the roads and learned a lot from them, but now they’ve turned their backs on everyone. Luger thinks Bagwell should get on his hands and knees to thank him for everything he’s done for Bagwell over the years. Cue Rick Steiner (Nash: “Submarine attack!”) but, I kid you not, La Parka comes out to make the save. Nash thinks Luger is terrified of skeletons.

Video on Kidman seeming to have hooked up with Torrie, who has blown David Flair off. David hasn’t helped his case by getting beaten up by Hennig and Curly Bill.

Tenay asks Nash about the girls that sit with Hall and Nash. Nash sings about Torrie in response and asks where this week’s road report is.

Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Armstrong/Steve Armstrong

Knobbs pounds Steve into the corner to start but walks into a nice dropkick. It’s off to Morrus (kind of a noteworthy person at the time this is being written. Five years from now, that likely won’t mean much) vs. Steve with the Armstrong getting dropped on his face out of a gorilla press. A double shoulder drops Steve as Nash brings up Bull Nakano as Morrus’ hairdresser.

Jimmy Hart’s distraction allows the First Family to get in some double teaming. Can we get a look at the second family? They have to be more interesting. Steve gets splashed in the corner a few times and Morrus stomps away again. He misses a top rope elbow though and Steve (who looks like a more muscular Lodi) makes the hot tag to Scott. Everything breaks down and Knobbs runs Scott over, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin.

Rating: D-. The Filthy Animals and the Revolution are busy fighting each other but these guys are getting a pay per view title shot and a feud with a top level team like Harlem Heat. That shows you the value of having friends in high places, which doesn’t mean anything good for the fans but it means great things for Knobbs.

Post match Knobbs says Harlem Heat are the “fruit booties” now, so here come the champs to clean house. Nash: “That’s Wesley Snipes! Nah it’s just Booker T.” Ray wants to fight the, and I quote, “Doughnut eating, milk drinking fruit booties” right now. I would ask what that means, but I don’t think I’m old enough to hear the explanation.

We recap Mysterio vs. Saturn, triggering the implosion of the Revolution. Tenay suggests renaming Shane to Chain Douglas. Actually I’ve heard worse ideas.

Now we get to the good stuff, as Nash has put together a video on Sid vs. Goldberg, complete with an over the top NFL Films style narration. Sid shouts about Goldberg not being able to touch him and how good it will feel at Halloween Havoc. Nash: “We don’t know that yet because we haven’t touched.”

We look at Goldberg beating up Horace but Nash stops doing commentary to celebrate making it onto the hard camera in the front row. Nash: “Goldberg! A force! A bald man…..with a tattoo…..who has only lost once……to Kevin Nash!” Tenay: “Did you ever work for NFL Films?” Nash: “Goldberg, standing in the tundra of Lambeau Field…..and here’s Sid. 6’10, 200….300….400…..no 597lbs of menacing steel!”

Larry is begging for Nash’s “water” as we see Steiner and Sid beating up Van Hammer. Nash points out that the referee, while bald, is in fact, not Goldberg. Nash wants to know why Rick Steiner is from Detroit but talks like a southern redneck. We jump ahead to the main event where Goldberg came out to fight Steiner and Sid. Nash: “Goldberg ponders the situation, looks from side to side, walks away, winks, and SOME TACKLE! WHAT DOES MONDAY BRING US???”

This was one of the funniest and most entertaining things I’ve ever seen on Thunder and I can’t imagine it being topped later on. Here’s the key to comedy, especially in wrestling: you can’t script it down to the letter. This was Nash riffing on a pretty basic recap package and being entertaining because Kevin Nash is a funny guy and can turn something simple into something funny. You can’t just hand someone a script and tell them to do comedy.

Imagine someone like Lance Storm trying to do this. It would bomb as he just doesn’t have that kind of personality and probably wouldn’t be able to make it funny. Great talkers can read the phone book and make if funny but if you have someone not geared towards comedy reading material that isn’t very funny, it’s usually going to fail miserably. This on the other hand was hilarious and something that a written recap doesn’t do justice.

Horace Hogan vs. Brian Adams

I don’t see this being as entertaining. Nash accuses Shane Douglas of dragging Saturn down as the announcers are already ignoring the match. Apparently Malenko and Benoit have taken a trip to Japan to perform. Well that might be better for them instead of getting beaten up by Sid and Steiner again. Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as Nash finally starts talking about the match. Horace fights back with a DDT and a low blow (Nash: “The Old Glory mule kick!”) and they head outside.

Nash thinks Luger is scared to come out here because of the skeletons on Adams’ pants and promises to put a package together on Luger for next week. Tenay: “Please not again.” I would say it has to be more entertaining than this match, but so would a bad toe infection. Horace scores with a backdrop but gets caught in a backbreaker. Nash gives us some trivia: this was originally a hair vs. hair match. With the fans dying in front of their eyes, Adams hits a horrible looking piledriver for the pin.

Rating: D-. You remember a few minutes ago when I talked about people needing to stick to what they’re good at? I’d advise Horace to stick to something other than wrestling as he really isn’t very talented in that field. This is the kind of match that gives Thunder a bad reputation. It was sloppy, ignored by the commentators and didn’t need to exist. Adams would be better suited as a bodyguard for some punk heel. Bad match if that wasn’t clear.

Video on Sting vs. Hogan.

Here’s Lash Leroux for a chat. Tenay: “He gets promo time as well!” Leroux says people didn’t take him seriously when he got here, but a Cajun knows how to add a little spice to things. All the Lash Lovers are here and they’ll be in Lash Vegas to see him take the title. Lash insists that he can dance but thankfully doesn’t demonstrate. Nash: “If you can dance and play the accordion in Louisiana, you’re going to get lucky tonight.” I’ve heard worse promos, though it was pretty much one note.

Berlyn vs. Brad Armstrong video. I really hope this winds up being revealed as a big rib.

After a commercial for WCW action figures, Nash wants to know why he’s doing a job in the ad. I’m sure 99% of the fans had no idea what he was talking about here but my goodness it’s making this easier to sit through.

Prince Iaukea vs. Berlyn

This would be the Column B to go with Nash’s Column A stuff. Tonight it’s Steiner/Luger vs. Bagwell/La Parka. Nash: “GET OUT! NO WAY!” That would again be Column B. Nash says it’s a result of half the roster being gone today so they had to book this on the fly. Tenay: “Welcome to this all shoot edition of Thunder.” Iaukea jumps over the referee and dropkicks Berlyn down before hitting a Thesz Press and right hands.

Berlyn gets in some cheap shots to take over as Nash talks about a variety wrestling show airing on TBS, hosted by himself and Hall. Saturday Night Titans? He needs to move on because he’s too old to bump at this point. Iaukea fights back but gets poked in the eye. Nash: “Little shortcutsky there. Oh wait he’s German. Achen-shortcutsken.” An Angle Slam is called a Samoan drop (Nash: “Old Glory Samoan drop”) and gets two for Iaukea but Berlyn grabs a quick suplex. The bodyguard gets in a cheap shot and Berlyn’s neckbreaker is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Kevin Nash is carrying this show on his back and I’m having a great time listening to him. The wrestling has ranged from bad to horrible but he’s made the matches fly by with these jokes here and there. Berlyn and Iaukea are nothing in the ring but the bodyguard continues to look like a potential star. Or at least a very tall one.

Video on Meng, which I believe is the same one from Monday. Ignore the WCW Hotline phone number, or at least the bottom half of it, appearing at the top of the video.

Luther Biggs vs. Meng

Oh Nash is going to have a field day here. Larry is scared of seeing the worst student if Biggs is the best. Nash compliments Meng’s hair. That’s certainly in his ballpark. He also wonders why you never see Meng and Barry White in the same place at the same time. Meng jumps him to start and the beating is on in the corner. Biggs’ offense has almost no effect and the Death Grip ends this quick.

Coach Stern tries to come in for a save but gets Death Gripped as well. Nash: “You should know you’re never going to win after a sweet video package like that.”

Perry Saturn vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rematch from Monday when Shane Douglas interfered. Mysterio now has some cool rotating pyro. As the announcers talk about the Halloween Havoc card, Nash brings up Mean Gene’s Burgers. I have to find one of those places someday. Saturn takes him down and hammers away to start before Rey flips out of a German suplex attempt.

Rey gets launched face first onto the top turnbuckle but avoids a charge and hits the Bronco Buster. Oh sorry the Rough Rider. Nash: “The Old Glory Rough Rider!” Even Nash is cracking up at the running joke. Saturn suplexes Rey with ease with a t-bone and a big belly to belly. Nash: “That was a porterhouse!” Saturn cranks on the arm as Nash talks about the Old Glory Living Legend.

Back up and Rey dropkicks the knee out, only to get caught in an overhead belly to belly. Larry: “Old Glory suplex?” Nash correctly identifies a full nelson and Larry is stunned. A rollup gets two for Rey but he tries a headscissors out of the corner and gets dropped face first on the mat. Rey’s top rope hurricanrana is countered with a superbomb for two but his victory roll is enough for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C. The match was decent enough but Nash’s commentary actually gets distracting after a bit. It’s funny, but this was one of the only decent matches all night and I was too busy chuckling at Nash’s lines to get into it. Granted when you can make Tenay and Zbyszko entertaining, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Saturn pulls out a chain, lays out Mysterio and throws the referee to the floor. He adds in the Old Glory elbow drop and the Rings of Saturn for good measure.

Rick Steiner/Total Package vs. La Parka/Buff Bagwell

This has to be a rib from Nash. I mean, it HAS to be. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with La Parka putting up a better fight against Steiner than almost anyone else has in months. His reward is a hard whip into the barricade but at least he tried. Steiner hammers away on the floor as Bagwell chokes Luger against the barricade. They get inside for the first time with Steiner nailing La Parka with the chair. Nash: “And the Old Glory choke on the outside!”

We settle down to Steiner vs. La Parka (which I believe is Spanish for “what the heck am I doing here?”) with Rick cranking on the arm. Off to Luger for a suplex for two but La Parka comes back with a middle rope dropkick. Steiner shoves La Parka into the corner for the tag to Bagwell as everything breaks down. La Parka gets in the way of a Blockbuster attempt, so Bagwell gives him the Blockbuster instead, allowing Steiner and Luger to stomp La Parka for…..the no contest to end the show.

Rating: F. Nash tried but was more subdued here and there was nothing he could do with this one. The ending didn’t make sense but I’m sure this is going to lead to something else next week. Now I never said it was going to make sense or be connected to what we saw here but I’m sure it’s going to lead somewhere.

Overall Rating: B. This show was a blast. I know Kevin Nash gets a lot of flack from fans, but he made this horrible show into something interesting and entertaining for two hours. That alone makes him into something better than most of the people on this show, who haven’t entertained me that much over the last few months. This is another show that barely matters as the writers are changing in the very near future, so at least it was a fun show to go out on.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #209
Date: October 11, 1999
Location: Mississippi Coast Coliseum, Biloxi, Mississippi
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’ve coming off a genuinely great wrestling match last week and something tells me that it’s going to go downhill from here. The main event is Benoit/Hart teaming up against a team to be announced. Other than that, we might get to see more car hijinks between Sid and Goldberg in the parking lot. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory Of graphic for Gorilla Monsoon. That’s quite the tribute considering he never wrestled there. Monsoon is still one of the fondest remembered names ever in wrestling and it’s nice of them to do this.

Benoit and Hart arrive and are met by Luger and Elizabeth. The latter thinks we need immigration and it seems Luger will be one of their opponents tonight.

Sid gets out of a cab. Continuity!

We go to Tony and Bobby, who have some kind words about Monsoon. Heenan gives a very heartfelt tribute to his friend, saying that the pearly gates of Heaven will now be known as the Gorilla Position. He has to look down to hide his tears. That’s a very touching tribute.

Malenko asks Saturn what happened last week. Saturn was there to stop Shane and attacked Mysterio in self defense but Malenko doesn’t seem convinced.

Perry Saturn vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Saturn apologizes to Mysterio but again, Rey doesn’t buy it. He armdrags Saturn down off a handshake and we start fast. A headscissors and dropkick send Saturn to the floor and Rey follows him out with a big flip dive. He does that as well as anyone not named Guerrera that I’ve ever seen. Back in and a hurricanrana is countered into a Liger Bomb from Saturn, another move that never gets old. We hit an armbar on Mysterio and go to a break. Saturn hits the springboard spinning legdrop and a release belly to belly suplex to send Rey flying.

Mysterio avoids a charge in the corner and hits the Bronco Buster but walks into a reverse powerbomb to put him back down again. A legdrop misses though and Mysterio springboards right onto Saturn’s shoulders but he gets out of the Death Valley Driver. Back up again and they crotch each other trying simultaneous dropkicks. That’s quite a painful looking spot actually. Saturn gets up first and goes all the way to the top but Rey pops up and hits a huge super hurricanrana. Cue Douglas to attempt some interference but Malenko cuts him off. This brings out Kidman for protection but he hits Saturn, drawing the DQ.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but and I could have gone for more of it. Saturn may not have been a top star or anything, but he was capable of having an entertaining match with the right opponent. Mysterio certainly fits the bill too as he was busting out the high flying stuff. Unfortunately, none of these guys have anything to fight over because Benoit is suddenly in the main event scene (and it’s about time) but the US Title is way out of reach, Disco Inferno is Cruiserweight Champion, and the Tag Team Titles, which would fit this feud well, are still being defended against the First Family. The action is there, but the priorities aren’t.

Kidman wants a tag match later tonight, because setting it up for next week would just be lunacy.

Video on Meng. He’s a monster you know.

Arn Anderson and Ric Flair are watching the video with cans of Surge next to them and Anderson brushing his teeth. They declare Meng the real deal and that’s it. As usual, this was random and served no bearing on the show otherwise.

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Kaz Hayashi

Disco, now wanting to be known as D.I., is defending. Kaz takes him down with a flying headscissors so Disco comes back with right hands. Those just earn him another headscissors and a dropkick as they’re actually setting up a simple premise already. The champ bails to the floor but takes a suicide dive. Somehow, his hair is still immaculate.

Back in and Disco hits a good running clothesline (wow he can still his arm out AND has perfect hair) followed by the middle rope forearm and neckbreaker for two. Four moves of gloom maybe? A sunset flip doesn’t get Kaz anywhere as Disco rakes the eyes and plants him with a DDT. They head outside for nothing so Disco misses another clothesline and gets caught in a hurricanrana. Kaz counters a powerbomb into a sunset flip but walks into the Chartbuster to retain the title.

Rating: D+. This is similar to the old days of the NWA World Junior Heavyweight Championship. Back at Starrcade 1984, the title was defended between two guys very similar to Disco: people who may have been under the weight limit but who wrestled like any average heavyweight. There’s no reason to have a Cruiserweight division if the wrestlers aren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Kaz did some high flying but it’s nowhere near enough to save a match like this.

Meng vs. Konnan

Konnan does his catchphrases and even a monster knows how stupid they sound. He kicks Konnan down and no sells a faceplant (good stereotype) before trying an early Death Grip. Instead he nails Konnan in the back of the head and chokes away in the corner as this is full squash mode. Meng no sells some clotheslines but actually does sell a bulldog. That earns him another superkick and a lot of yelling. Konnan tries a sunset flip out of the corner and gets caught in the Death Grip for the win.

Rating: D. I dig Meng doing his monster stuff but it’s similar to Scott Norton: you can only set this stuff up so many times before the effect wears off, especially if Goldberg is going to be the one beating him later on. Total squash here though and it’s nice to see Konnan getting shut up for a change.

Berlyn and the bodyguard jump Brad Armstrong but Brad steals Berlyn’s cane and fights back. My goodness just let them fight tonight and get it over with already.

Hall and Nash come to their seats again and say they’re not coming back. After wishing Dusty Rhodes a happy birthday, they’ll be back in July 2012 when he’s the right age for a WCW main event. Nash co-main evented a WWE show in December 2011 and was in the 2014 Royal Rumble, so somehow this isn’t too far off from the truth.

Goldberg vs. Horace Hogan

Sid stares Goldberg down during the entrance but Goldberg doesn’t do anything. Did anyone check the parking lot though??? One thing I’ve always wondered: why did someone as tough as Goldberg need a police escort? Shouldn’t that be a heel thing? Horace actually comes out second here for some reason. Heenan criticizes the term “uncrowned champion”, despite referring to Andre as that back in the day. Goldberg shoves Horace down with ease and hits the gorilla press powerslam.

An AA into a cross armbreaker has Horace in trouble but he makes the ropes. Did Goldberg ever win a match with that hold? They head outside with Goldberg being sent into the steps. Tony: “That could have knocked him out!” Heenan: “It could have broke the steps!” Horace gets two off a top rope splash but it’s spear and Jackhammer for the fast pin to complete the squash.

Gene brings out Hogan for a talk. Apparently the internet isn’t happy with Hogan getting another title shot but the internet makes Hogan sick. Red and Yellow will be running wild at Halloween Havoc. Yes and the ratings will be running through the floor.

Sting vs. Hogan video.

Nitro Girls.

Torrie wipes lipstick off Kidman’s face right in front of David Flair. Torrie: “Go talk to your dad or something.”

Brian Knobbs vs. Stevie Ray

Everyone, including the seconds, have weapons here. Knobbs kicks Stevie in the ribs to start but misses an early middle rope trashcan splash. A big chair shot to the head knocks Knobbs silly but Stevie would rather kick a trashcan on his head than cover him. Another kick to the head puts Brian outside but Morrus gets in some shots to take over. Thanks a lot Booker.

Back in and Knobbs hits his splash for two but Stevie hits him low to block the Pit Stop. Then Stevie and Knobbs do the Charleston and debate French literature. For all I know that’s what happens as the camera stays on Hall and Nash for a good bit. Booker and Morrus get in a fight at ringside as Stevie kicks a trashcan into Knobbs’ face for two. Jimmy Hart sneaks in a trashcan shot of his own (with as much impact as you would expect) to give Knobbs the pin.

Rating: D-. Jimmy Hart just knocked a Tag Team Champion silly to give Brian Knobbs a pin, furthering the feud before Knobbs and Morrus get a pay per view title shot in less than two weeks. There comes a point where there’s nothing left to do and WCW is reaching that point. What are you supposed to do when this is the kind of nonsense you have to deal with?

We look at the Revolution’s issues from last week.

Here’s Shane Douglas to address his issues with the team. Shane calls out the rest of the group to air their dirty laundry. He blames Malenko for Saturn not getting a pin earlier tonight and wants to know why Benoit is teaming with Hart tonight. Benoit: “If there was no Hart Family, there would be no Crippler, and if there were no Crippler, there would be no Revolution.” PREACH IT BROTHER!

He throws his Revolution shirt at Douglas and leaves. Saturn goes off on Douglas for setting up a tag match when Shane isn’t cleared to wrestle. Malenko steps in and agrees to team with him tonight and says they’ll get the Revolution back where it should be. Shane is left alone and hopefully is thrown off the team for good, as he never should have been a part of it in the first place.

Brad Armstrong vs. La Parka

La Parka does the Thinking Man pose on his chair. The mileage he’s gotten out of that one simple idea is incredible. He spends too much time dancing though and eats a clothesline as Armstrong starts fast. The referee stops Brad in the corner though and La Parka gets in some cheap shots to take over.

A powerslam gets two on Brad and the masked man mostly hits a top rope flip dive for two. Armstrong comes back with right hands but here’s Berlyn. The referee gets bumped and the bodyguard lays out La Parka with a chair. The distraction lets Berlyn hit his bad neckbreaker on Armstrong, but Brad on top of La Parka for the pin.

Rating: D. STOP PUSHING THIS STUPID FEUD! Good freaking grief this thing is getting more time than Goldberg vs. Sid and no one cares. It’s such a lame feud between a lame character and a guy who really doesn’t deserve a push like this at this point. You couldn’t have Eddie or someone like that beat up Berlyn, just to give him something interesting to do?

Curt Hennig is talking to Torrie when David comes up. Hennig beats him down for fun. Again, more stuff that could be used on more important people.

Norman Smiley vs. Berlyn

Norman promises to get jiggy with it. Somehow that line works. Berlyn throws him down with a hiptoss to start as the USA chants begin, presumably in support of the British wrestler. Eh no one ever said Mississippi was brilliant. Norman speeds things up with a hiptoss of his own and some clotheslines, sending Berlyn to the ropes to hide. Unfortunately it doesn’t send him to the unemployment line where he belongs, but it’s almost impossible to get fired from this company.

A belly to back suplex plants Smiley but Berlyn does the “I’m diving into your boot on purpose and there’s nothing else I could possibly be doing up here” spot. The wind up slam plants Berlyn twice in a row and it’s time to dance. You would think Berlyn would like that spot but instead he hits a running knee to the chest and a neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. Berlyn isn’t very good and it’s becoming more and more obvious every single week. I have no idea why they couldn’t just leave him as the dancing heel, but I’d assume it’s because WCW doesn’t know how to do something as simple as not screw up a simple character. Smiley continues to be WAY too good for the role he’s in.

Here’s Ric Flair with something to say. He’ll be facing DDP at Halloween Havoc but he wants to talk about “Mr. Perfect…..Curt Hennig.” A challenge is issued for tonight, but as for Page, maybe Kimberly would rather try the FOURTEEN TIME FOURTEEN TIME FOURTEEN TIME champ. Another week, another big enough match set up before it has the time to build properly.

Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn vs. Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Unfortunately Shane is at ringside. Malenko and Kidman get things going and head to the mat with Malenko taking over. Dean throws him down and nails a nice dropkick, followed by a leg lariat to send him outside. Now the drama begins as Douglas goes after Kidman but Malenko makes the save. Instead Dean tags Saturn in for a belly to belly, sending Kidman right back to the floor. Douglas and Malenko argue over attacking Kidman again, but Saturn uses the distraction to send Kidman into the steps as we take a break.

Rey comes in but charges into a powerbomb with Saturn adding a top rope cross body for something like a Doomsday Device. Malenko isn’t cool with Saturn coming in off the blind tag though and breaks up the cover.. Mysterio moonsaults onto Saturn’s shoulder and sends him into the buckle, setting up the Bronco Buster but Saturn raises his boot for the stop. Incredibly fast pace so far. A belly to belly gets two for Saturn and it’s back to Malenko.

Rey’s sunset flip goes nowhere and Dean takes his head off with a clothesline. Saturn tags himself back in and Dean isn’t cool with that, allowing Rey to grab a rollup for two. Dean yells so Saturn tags him back in on the chest. A big belly to back gets two for Malenko and it’s back to Saturn for some arrogant walking around in between offense. Saturn hits a spinning springboard forearm to the head for two more before nailing Kidman on the apron.

The always awesome gutbuster from Malenko sets up the Cloverleaf but Saturn tags himself in while the hold is on. Saturn’s top rope elbow scores but Malenko tags himself back in just like Saturn did. A superplex plants Rey but Dean is so shaken up that he has to tag out. Kidman comes back in and cleans house, including throwing Rey into the air for a hurricanrana on Saturn. Everything breaks down and Shane breaks up the Shooting Star, throwing Saturn the chain in the process. A big knockout shot is enough to pin Kidman.

Rating: B-. Fun match with a lot of story development in it, but that doesn’t mean the story development is interesting. I’m really not a fan of having the Revolution implode and fight each other, because it’s going right back to the same idea that we’ve done for years now without anyone getting up the ladder. Benoit is to an extent, but everyone else is just stuck in the midcard while Sid powerbombs people and Rick Steiner exists for reasons that aren’t exactly clear.

Malenko puts the Revolution shirt on, sees the replay of the ending, and takes the shirt back off. He promises to be his own revolution from now on.

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Van Hammer

Sid is defending if that wasn’t really clear. He stomps Hammer in the corner and stares at the fans for chanting Goldberg. Granted he stares blankly most of the time so you can’t really tell if he’s upset or not. Hammer trips him down and hits what looked like a low blow. That goes nowhere so Sid chokes away in the corner and slowly kicks again. We get a ref bump so Rick Steiner can come down for a cheap shot on Hammer, setting up a double powerbomb for the pin.

Rating: F. Van Hammer vs. Sid needs a ref bump??? I’m not the biggest Goldberg fan in the world but suggesting he and Sid are the same level is ridiculous. Sid is a fun character but as soon as that bell rings, all the fun goes away and it becomes clear that he should have retired about seven years ago.

Mike Tenay joins the commentary booth to talk about Bret vs. Benoit from last week.

Phantom of the Opera Dustin Rhodes puts his hand on the kid’s window and the kid’s eyes turn black. Of course they do.

Curt Hennig vs. Ric Flair

Remember when these two had a great match on Raw six and a half years ago? Well now Virgil is in Hennig’s corner and is named Curly Bill. Hennig dances around to start, earning him a slap in the face and a loud WOO. That’s very violent behavior reminiscent of a father wanting to avenge his son, who tried to destroy his life earlier in the year but that’s beside the point. More chops have Curt in trouble and they head outside. Hennig gets in some shots of his own and scores with a suplex back inside as we take a break.

Back with Flair chopping Curly on the floor. Jack Brisco, Harley Race, Dusty Rhodes, Sting, and CURLY! Hennig chops to take over and slams Flair off the top, but Ric casually takes out the knee and puts on the Figure Four. Hennig is right next to the ropes though so Flair pokes him in the eye and nails a belly to back suplex. Both guys are dazed but it’s Hennig up first and going after Flair’s knee. That goes nowhere though and they trade chops in the corner again with Hennig on the losing end.

Ric snaps Hennig’s neck across the top rope and goes after CURLY again, allowing Hennig to roll him up for two. That doesn’t work so Hennig puts his feet on the ropes for two more. Curly even holds Hennig’s feet for some more near falls. Somehow the referee, who is two feet away from Curly, sees NONE OF THIS. David Flair comes out to take out Curly (for the love of all things good and holy, do not let them have a match), allowing Ric to roll Hennig up for the pin with his feet on the ropes.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match but you expect more out of these two. Thankfully the Rednecks are becoming Curt and Pals instead of a normal stable, which makes their matches a lot easier to sit through. The Flairs being back together is a bit annoying but I’m much happier with the regular Ric instead of the insane boss.

Total Package/Rick Steiner vs. Chris Benoit/Bret Hart

Remember when Luger came back to save Sting from the Steiners and a big tag match was teased? Even better, remember their classic at the first SuperBrawl? It’s a brawl to start as I’m assuming Benoit vs. Steiner for the TV Title is happening at the pay per view. Hart beats up Luger on the floor and chases Liz off before sending Lex into the post. Rick has Benoit in trouble back in the ring and cranks on an armbar.

Bret rams Luger into the apron as Benoit grabs the Crossface on Rick, only to have Lex dive in for the save. Naturally Steiner no sells the pain from the hold and suplexes Benoit, but Bret clotheslines both Americans down to take over. Luger puts Bret in a full nelson so Steiner can hammer away but Benoit makes a save. The Swan Dive connects on Steiner but Sid comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Oh yeah Russo is starting to take over. This was your standard big brawl main event disguised as a match that didn’t even get four minutes from bell to bell. This match also exposes a major problem in WCW: the main event heels are horrible. You have Steiner and Sid who can’t do anything and Luger who can only do really basic power stuff, combined with Sting who doesn’t act like a heel whatsoever. Who am I supposed to boo without falling asleep?

Luger racks Bret but Goldberg comes out for the save. Sid tells Goldberg he can’t touch him or the match is off, so Goldberg spears him anyway to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. You can really taste the Russo effect, but it’s not in full force yet. This is that weird transition stage where he’s trying to breathe life into the stale angles WCW had going before he arrived and it makes for a very awkward mix. There’s some fresh blood in the stories, but the stories themselves are still pretty uninteresting. The wrestling is also getting worse, which is another sign of the age of Vinny Roo. Things will at least get more interesting once we hit the full Russo effect, but until then we’re in for some dull stuff.

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King of the Ring 1993
Date: June 13, 1993
Location; Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

Back when I was starting doing reviews, one of the first series I checked out was King of the Ring. Looking back at them, much like most of my original reviews, these things are HORRIBLE so it’s time I do them again and make them a bit more polished. We’ll start back in 1993, with of course the tournament itself and the rematch from Wrestlemania IX with Hulk Hogan defending the World Title against Yokozuna in an actually announced match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a rundown of the brackets:

Bret Hart

Razor Ramon

Mr. Perfect

Mr. Hughes

Jim Duggan

Bam Bam Bigelow

Tatanka

Lex Luger

If you can’t figure out the winner from here, you’re not paying close enough attention.

The announcers make a huge deal out of this being the Heartland of America. This was almost the tagline for the show.

All first round matches have fifteen minute time limits.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Bret had a first round bye and Ramon beat Tito Santana. This is just after Ramon lost to the 1-2-3 Kid so you know what the fans are chanting. JR sounds extra excited tonight. Bret is announced as the #1 seed, which (in theory though never actually stated) means Ramon should be the #8 seed, putting him beneath guys like Mr. Hughes and Jim Duggan. Really? I don’t think a single loss would drop him that far down.

JR mentions that Bret is a two time Tag Team and Intercontinental Champion and would like to make it a triple double. That’s a very rare reference to the other King of the Ring tournaments that took place before the show aired on PPV or any TV whatsoever as far as I know. This is also somewhat connected to the King’s Crown title, held by people such as Jim Duggan and Harley Race. That was introduced when Race won the second King of the Ring tournament in 1986, but the King’s Crown winners had nothing to do with the King of the Ring. Bret is actually the defending King here, having won the last tournament in 1991.

Hart cranks on a headlock to start and they have a bit of miscommunication off an Irish whip but it doesn’t screw up much. They hit the mat with Bret cranking on the arm as you can hear the energy in JR here. He’s snapping off Hart Family facts and the brackets as only Ross can in these situations. Ramon scores with a hard clothesline but Bret goes right back to the arm to keep control. Nice power vs. technical story here so far.

Razor fights up again but gets caught in yet another armbar. Well he’s consistent if nothing else. Bret charges into a boot and gets thrown shoulder first into the post to finally change control. Back in and Razor stomps in the hands and slaps Bret in the back of the head. Fall away slam gets two as the crowd is staying uninterested so far. A powerslam gets two for Razor, which doesn’t make the most sense given that he had Bret in perfect position for a shoulder breaker to stay on the bad arm.

The Canadian avoids some elbows and starts up the Five Moves of Doom but gets sent chest first into the buckle. The Razor’s Edge is countered as Bret kicks off the ropes into a small package for a VERY close two and the fans wake up to boo the referee. Razor loads up a belly to back superplex but Bret turns onto him for the pin to advance.

Rating: B-. This was fine but I would have liked the arm stuff to actually go somewhere. It’s still a good match though as you had Bret working hard out there. However, you can see the major problems with tournament shows: it’s kind of hard to get into the flow of a match when your matches have to be crammed into a pretty short time limit. You also can’t let the guys do everything they need to do in one match because you might need to save stuff for later.

We recap Mr. Hughes and Giant Gonzalez teaming up to take Undertaker’s urn. This would be one of the earlier instances of the 19,284 times this story took place. It did however include a great looking urn shot to Paul Bearer’s head.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Mr. Hughes vs. Mr. Perfect

Hughes, a career bodyguard (almost literally. Once he switched to that gimmick, he didn’t change a thing for the rest of his career, which last I heard is still going on in the indies), beat Kamala while Mr. Perfect took three times to beat Doink the Clown. Perfect is in a short lived face run here and takes Hughes down with an armdrag as we can see some empty seats pretty close to the ring. Heenan talks about all the things he did for Perfect to make him great and takes credit for the success he’s had. Ross in that deadpan voice of his: “Wrong.”

The big Hughes takes him down and cranks on the neck before just kicking Perfect in the jaw. Simple yet effective move for a simple yet effective character. Back to the neck crank and we get a quick word from Bret where he says he’d rather face Perfect for the wrestling abilities. It’s very rare that someone actually has a preference for their opponent but it makes sense for Bret. That’s not something you get in today’s wrestling and I’d love to see it more. Hughes crotches himself on the ropes and gets backdropped down, setting up the neck snap. That’s enough for Hughes though as he blasts Perfect with the urn for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Again, there’s only so much you can do when the winner is obvious and your opponent is Mr. Hughes. There’s nothing wrong with him as an enforcer, but did anyone buy him as a potential winner here? The ending makes sense too as you had to keep him strong for Undertaker, but that didn’t do this match any favors. Perfect looked great here though and there was some serious money in a face run with him as the awesome athlete who could wrestle a great match with almost anyone.

Mr. Fuji says Hogan cheated at Wrestlemania by taking advantage of Yokozuna after a twenty minute match. Apparently being an evil Japanese man takes away your ability to tell time. Yokozuna promises BANZAI.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Jim Duggan

Duggan beat Papa Shango and Bigelow defeated Typhoon. This is in Duggan’s weird looking singlet phase. They slug it out to start as Heenan calls Duggan’s career with the Atlanta Falcons an amateur run. Bigelow gets knocked to the floor but comes back in to use the power of fat to avoid being slammed. Duggan’s ribs are hurt so we hit the bearhug. That goes nowhere, so Duggan hurts his ribs trying to slam Bigelow and gets caught in a bearhug.

Heenan tries to pepper things up by talking about Duggan being a quitter in Glenn’s Falls, New York but it’s not quite as good as hearing about the Duggan family history of fighting in taped fist matches in WCW. Seriously. The third attempt at a slam works but Duggan misses a charge into the corner, setting up the flying headbutt to give Bigelow the pin.

Rating: D-. This was horrible as Duggan was WAY past his expiration date, but to be fair this was his next to last match in the WWF, save for a one off Superstars squash. Bigelow wasn’t the guy he used to be but he was still good enough as a monster to put people over. Thankfully they kept this short and did what they were supposed to do, even though the match sucked.

The Smoking Gunns and the Steiner Brothers are ready for their eight man tag later. That match is just there to give the fans a breather after the World Title match and there’s nothing wrong with that.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Luger beat Bob Backlund and Tatanka beat Giant Gonzalez (by DQ of course) and both guys are undefeated coming in. Luger is forced to put a pad on his forearm with a metal plate inside. Tatanka tries to break up the posing but gets sent over the top like a schmuck. That’s fine with him as he just turns the mirror over and starts chopping. A big chop sends Luger to the floor before hitting every stereotypical face move you can think of. Makes sense for a stereotypical character.

We hit the armbar as JR and Heenan argue over names. JR: “I never figured out why they call you Brain.” Heenan: “Well why do they call you Jim Ross?” Tatanka stays on the arm so Savage puts over the tournament by saying the winner is equal to the WWF Champion. Yeah it’s a stretch, but you have to say things like that to make people think they’re watching something very important. Bigelow pops in to say he wants to face Tantaka.

The hammerlock stays on until Luger uses the free arm for an elbow to the jaw. Luger starts in on the ribs with a backbreaker and some slow motion elbows for two. We hit the chinlock with a knee in Tatanka’s back and Luger brags to Heenan. They trade some rollups for two each with Heenan stopping to look at the crowd time after time. It’s almost like he’s trying to kill the clock. We hit four minutes to go and Tatanka goes on the warpath. Rating

A bunch of chops get two on Luger and a powerslam gets the same. Tatanka hits a top rope chop to the head for the closest near fall yet as the fans wake up a bit. He misses a high cross body though and we’re at two minutes left. Luger hits a powerslam of his own for two but really doesn’t seem interested in picking up the pace. There’s a suplex for a delayed two and Luger is frustrated. Luger backbreakers him for two more and time runs out in an anti-climactic ending.

Rating: D. When Luger isn’t trying, it’s one of the most painful things you can see. Tatanka is a fine midcard gimmick but he went about as far as he could have ever gone. This is how you keep two guys strong though and get the required bye. That’s one thing I’ve never understood though: if you want to save time, why let one match go the time limit? Just do two faster matches with a fluke ending. Doesn’t that balance things out? This would also be Luger’s last major appearance before turning face as the new Mr. USA, so it might be better that he didn’t have a great performance here.

Luger wants five more minutes but uses the distraction to knock Tatanka out with the forearm.

Here are the updated brackets:

Bret Hart

Mr. Perfect

Bam Bam Bigelow

BYE

Okerlund is with Hart and Perfect and of course Gene starts making trouble. He thinks Hart wants to face Perfect because it’s an easier opponent. Perfect owes him one for Summerslam 1991 and it turns into an argument over whose father would win in a match. Stu’s in ring career really isn’t talked about that much due to his success as a trainer so that’s kind of an odd thing to think about.

King of the Ring Semifinals: Mr. Perfect vs. Bret Hart

So this is a pretty well known match. Thirty minute time limit here and Bret has a taped up hand from Razor stomping on the fingers earlier. They go to the ropes to start and you can see fans leaving to get food. You horrible people. An early hiptoss sends Perfect flying and they hit the mat for some counters. Perfect gets back up and rips Bret’s skin off with a chop in the corner.

Bret kicks him away and we hit the mat for a hard headlock from the Hitman. Perfect fights up for a crucifix but gets pulled right back into the headlock. After several moments, Perfect gets to his feet and drives a knee into the ribs to send Bret outside. He’s nice enough to hold the ropes open but kicks Bret as he comes back in. Some hard kicks to the head have Bret in more trouble and Perfect is clearly wrestling as the heel here.

Hart rolls outside and Perfect whips him hard into the barricade, right next to a cooler full of water and Diet Pepsi. Bret might have hurt his knee but you never can tell with him. Back in and a suplex and missile dropkick get two for Perfect and frustration starts to set in. That means bad things for Bret as Perfect gets more aggressive with the chops in the corner. Mr. goes up again but gets superplexed down for a close two as the fans are into this one.

Bret’s knee is ok (to be fair it wasn’t too hurt in the first place and Perfect didn’t follow up on it) and he goes after Perfect’s leg, setting up a figure four in the middle of the ring. A long crawl gets him over to the ropes but Bret takes him back into the middle again and cranks on the knee. Perfect escapes that as well and just throws Bret down by the hair. We hit the sleeper on Bret but again he’s too close to the ropes. Perfect makes sure to hold until four like a villain is supposed to do.

Unlike a villain though, he puts the hold back on, wisely turning Bret away from the ropes. Perfect even throws his own foot on the ropes to channel his inner Flair. Hart gets up and sends Perfect face first into the top turnbuckle before just blasting him with a European uppercut. Now it’s Bret throwing him down by the hair, sending Perfect into the post for that signature bump of his. Russian legsweep gets two for Hart and we hit the Five Moves of Doom.

Perfect smartens up again and grabs the injured hand to block the Sharpshooter with Heenan saying he taught Perfect to do that. Bret blocks a PerfectPlex attempt and suplexes Perfect over the top, sending them into a huge crash on the floor. Both guys get back in but Perfect goldbricks a knee injury and tries a small package, only to have Bret show him how it’s done and reverse into a small package of him own for the pin, despite Perfect’s shoulder clearly being up.

Rating: A. I think I like Bret’s chemistry with Perfect better than his stuff with Shawn. These two just compliment each other so well and their styles mesh, shall I say, perfectly. This is outstanding stuff with Perfect going old school and trying to cheat to win, only to get caught using one of Bret’s tactics and getting pinned as a result. Trading knee injuries here was good stuff and the whole match is just great. Check it out and watch Summerslam 1991 while you’re at it.

Perfect is livid with the referee but shakes Bret’s hand post match.

So it’s Bret vs. Bigelow for the crown.

Hulk Hogan is ready for Yokozuna and cuts the same promo you’ve heard him use for about ten years now. Manager Jimmy Hart doesn’t like Fuji and Yokozuna putting down America though. Hart as Hogan’s manager never fit for me and they never really gave a good explanation for why they were suddenly best friends. Of note here though, a lot of Jimmy’s lines would be in the American Made song that he performed for Hogan in WCW.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Hogan is defending in the Wrestlemania IX rematch. Ross, doing his job as a commentator, points out all of the Japanese photographers at ringside for this match. Keep that in mind. Heenan mentions Hogan trimming down, which is code for steroid trial. That’s an understatement too as Hogan is probably 40lbs lighter than usual. Yokozuna stalls a lot as Hogan starts talking about Hogan being a coward as only he can. Hogan shoves him back a foot or two and Yokozuna shoves him into the corner with ease.

Some martial arts chops have Hogan in early trouble as we hear about a methodical pace. I’d rather do that than have Yokozuna blow up three minutes into the match. A whip into the corner sets up Hogan grabbing the foot, as is his custom. Yokozuna misses a charge in the corner and Hogan starts hammering away. Savage says the fans would pop if Hogan slammed him. That’s quite the rare term.

The slam doesn’t work though and Savage is in shock. Instead he tries some All American right hands (trademark Jim Ross) but more slam attempts go just as badly as the first. Even more right hands have Yokozuna staggered but he puts Hogan down with a clothesline. The big fat splash misses though and both guys are in trouble. Hogan gets up and bounces off Yokozuna before we hit the bearhug. After nearly two minutes in the hold, Hogan punches his way to freedom (like an AMERICAN) but he runs into an elbow to the jaw.

A BIG belly to belly suplex gets two (and an even bigger kickout) and it’s Hulk Up time. Several right hands and three big boots finally put Yokozuna down. The legdrop connects and Yokozuna THROWS Hogan off of him, sending the fans from a frenzy to stunned silence faster than anything I’ve ever seen. In an ending that almost made me cry back in the day, a Japanese photographer (rumored to be Harvey Wippleman) gets up on the apron. His camera explodes in Hogan’s face, setting up a shot to the throat and the Hulkbuster legdrop to give Yokozuna the title back, shocking the crowd all over again.

Rating: D. And that’s it for Hulk Hogan in the WWF for nearly nine years. Other than a few house show matches in Europe that were barely ever mentioned, Hogan would be off to retirement for nearly a year until he went over to WCW. This was the first monster to destroy Hulkamania, meaning that whoever beat him would be the next big thing. In theory that should have been Luger (or Crush) but for some reason they didn’t pull the trigger on him at Summerslam like common sense would have said. Pretty big moment here and a big way to crush Hogan before he left the company.

Yokozuna Banzai Drops him post match and fans are stunned. Hogan may have been a relic in 1993, but this is similar to the Streak being broken: you would never believe it happened until you saw it.

Hogan is helped out and the remaining Japanese photographers take a lot of pictures. One more thing: after all the managers Hogan beat up over the years, it’s FUJI that takes him out?

Mr. Perfect promises to prove what perfect is all about in the future. Not exactly.

Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels and brand new (as in like a week ago) bodyguard Diesel (named for the first time here), who helped him win the title back from Marty Jannetty at a house show, say maybe lightning can strike twice, even though Michaels is a far bigger star than Hogan.

Steiner Brothers/Smoking Gunns vs. Money Inc./Headshrinkers

Total cool down match here and no one believes anything else. Money Inc. has the belts at this point. Scott Steiner and DiBiase get things going. How can Rikishi (Fatu here) be in the Hall of Fame but the Steiners aren’t? DiBiase armdrags him down to start but Steiner is fine with going amateur.

A dropkick puts Ted down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Rick throws him back in and another clothesline sends Ted right back to the floor for a nice spot. He finally stays inside for a tag to Fatu but Bart dropkicks the Samoan down, setting up an armbar. Fatu no sells a faceplant and superkicks Bart right in the face. Heenan has a blast when JR mentions Billy going to college on a rodeo scholarship. You can’t give Heenan prime material like that.

The Headshrinkers double backdrop Bart for two but he gets the same off a sunset flip to IRS. A double clothesline allows for the hot tag to Billy as the crowd really doesn’t care. DiBiase catches Billy with a hot shot though and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream, sending Heenan into a chorus of Happy Trails. Ted lets go of the hold for some reason and gets small packaged out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: D+. What a random ending with the Steiners not doing anything in the second half of the match. It sounded like they had to run out of there because of time or something and it made for a sudden ending. It could have been a lot worse, but this match was just there to give the fans something to see as they came out of their comas.

Mr. Fuji says America is finished but doesn’t like Okerlund bringing up anything about cameras.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

Crush is challenging while on the role of a lifetime, which just kind of ended soon after this with Crush being knocked off TV for several months before returning as a heel. A big shoulder sends Shawn to the floor and we hit the headlock. With wrestling not working, Shawn just punches him in the jaw. Well that’s another way of going about it.

The champ grabs an armbar but misses the superkick and gets dropkicked out to the floor. Back in and Crush throws him around again before gorilla pressing him over his head with more than a few reps. Savage: “HE CAN SLAM YOKOZUNA!” A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Michaels again but Diesel pulls him away from the head vice. Crush shows that all faces have to be stupid (though snappily dressed in orange, yellow and purple) by going after Diesel, allowing Shawn to knee him from the apron.

In a really painful looking spot, Shawn rams him head first into the post five straight times. Back in and Shawn fires off right hands to the head before putting on a front facelock. Crush eventually just throws him off to break the hold with some incredible looking power. Shawn’s top rope ax handle doesn’t work and a backbreaker gets two. A big boot and legdrop (brother) get the same for Crush and he clotheslines Shawn to the floor. Cue the cigar smoking Doinks for a distraction, allowing Shawn to superkick him in the back of the head to retain.

Rating: C. I liked this match more than I should have but I was a Crush fan back in the day. He was similar to Ryback’s push when he got to the top of the company: he was insanely strong, had a good look, and never actually won anything. Allegedly Vince was going back and forth on giving either Crush or Luger the Hogan push and went with Luger, which didn’t go all that well. Crush getting that run would have been very interesting to see, but I’m not sure if it would have worked in the end.

Bigelow says he’ll win.

King of the Ring: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Bret Hart

One hour time limit. Bret has a band hand and is still selling the knee from the Perfect match. JR says they’re out of satellite time in 25 minutes, which would put the show at 2:44 max. Bret tries to speed things up to start but has to counter a gorilla press attempt to put Bigelow on the mat. An armbar doesn’t get Bret anywhere as Bigelow just throws him out to the floor for a big crash.

Back in and Bigelow sends him back first into the buckle. I was expecting the chest bump there. Given that it’s Hart, that’s likely setting up something for later. That’s quickly proven correct as Bigelow goes for the back with some headbutts and forearms. More hard Irish whips have Bret reeling and we hit the bearhug. That goes nowhere so Bigelow just drops him with a belly to back. Bret’s selling is incredible here as he’s making every single move look like a bullet to the back.

They head outside again with Bret sending him into the barricade a few times, only to have Bigelow shrug it off and slam him on the concrete. Cue Bigelow chick Luna Vachon with a chair to Bret’s back, which is too much for Bret to survive. Bigelow throws him back inside for the top rope headbutt (clearly didn’t connect) and……that’s it as another referee comes in to explain the chair shot.

The match continues and you can almost hear Bret kill the referee for making him continue. Heenan is livid but Savage correctly points out that it should have been a DQ so Bigelow should be grateful. Bigelow hammers on the back and puts on a bearhug to keep up the psychology. Bret finally pulls him down into a DDT but Bigelow shrugs it off. A running backsplash misses but he whips Bret hard into the corner and Hart just falls down. There are FAR too many empty seats opposite the camera for the main event.

Bret counters an over the shoulder backbreaker into a sleeper but opts to dropkick him to the floor instead. A plancha sets up a bunch of right hands to the face cause Savage to spell pride p-r-y-d-e. Back in and Bret gets two off a middle rope clothesline and the middle rope elbow gets the same. Bam Bam just kicks off the Sharpshooter and we hit another bearhug, so Bret just bites out of it. Not liking being treated like a bowl of macaroni, Bigelow plants him with a powerslam for two. With frustration setting in, Bigelow puts him on the top rope but gets victory rolled for the pin and the crown.

Rating: B. It’s not a classic but this was a great performance from Hart as he went over forty five minutes tonight and didn’t have a really bad match in the whole bunch. Bigelow was really just a dragon to be slain but he had enough power that it sent Bret into some of his better selling.

The interesting thing here though is how this ending came back later. Think about it: the match is restarted, a guy gets his already weakened back worked on even more but gets caught by a sudden move for the pin. If that doesn’t ring a bell, think back to Wrestlemania XII and the overtime in the Iron Man match. It’s almost the exact same thing but with a victory roll instead of a superkick. Oddly enough, the ending to the regulation of that match is even more move for move to the end of their Survivor Series 1992 match. I wonder if that’s a Bret thing or just a REALLY big coincidence.

Anyway, Bret is rushed over for the coronation but Jerry Lawler shows up, trade some insults, gets annoyed by a Burger King chant and BLASTS him in the back with a scepter (actually injuring Bret’s back) and kicking off a feud that lasted over two years. Of note here: Bret looks really, REALLY stupid with a big golden crown on his head.

Overall Rating: C. This show is more memorable than good, but the question is which part is more memorable. Hogan losing is far more important historically, but Bret winning is the part people remember more than anything else. That being said, the show itself is just ok. Hart vs. Perfect is well worth checking out but the rest of the show is really nothing all that great. Check it out for historical purposes but that’s about it. Other than the classic of course.

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Monday Nitro #208
Date: October 4, 1999
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 6,942
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re getting closer to Halloween Havoc but tonight we take a detour into something that is actually special. Less than five months earlier, Owen Hart passed away in this same arena. His brother Bret wanted to do something special for him, and that’s what we’re getting on this show. Let’s get to it.

The announcers hype up the main events, because those promises have held up so much recently.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dean Malenko

This starts after a way too early break. Malenko quickly flips Mysterio to the floor and grabs a legbar back inside. Rey pops to his feet and speeds things WAY up for a nice counter sequence, capped off with Malenko throwing him into the air but eating a dropkick on the way back down. A hot shot is countered but Rey bounces backwards into a hurricanrana for two. That was AWESOME and even Malenko has to give Mysterio credit.

To change the subject a bit, Tony casually mentions that Psychosis beat Lenny Lane for the Cruiserweight Title over the weekend. That’s code for “it turns out Turner Broadcasting didn’t like having a shock value gimmick like over the top incestuous brothers on a show with falling ratings”. The title match never happened of course but Psychosis does get to defend tonight against Disco Inferno. Of course since this title means nothing, it’s throw in as a sidebar in this match. You know, the match that COULD BE FOR THE TITLE instead of just being part of the Revolution vs. Filthy Animals feud over absolutely nothing.

Back to the match, Malenko gets two off a German suplex and cranks on the leg. That goes nowhere so Dean is thrown to the floor for a big dive from Rey. They head inside again and Rey loads up the yet to be named West Coast Pop, only to have Malenko catch him in a kind of powerbomb to set up the Cloverleaf.

Ropes are grabs and Mysterio counters tilt-a-whirl slam into a kind of cross body. They get back up and hit a double clothesline but Mysterio sells it more like a Boss Man Slam for an odd looking crash. Cue Shane Douglas with a chain but Saturn runs down and steals it from him. Saturn stares Douglas down with the chain but hits Mysterio instead, allowing Dean, who didn’t seem to see what happened, to put on the Cloverleaf for the win.

Rating: C+. Really good start to the match here until we had to get Shane Douglas involved. It looks like the Revolution is starting to splinter, which makes good enough sense given that they have nothing else going for them. They have yet to recover from that disaster at Fall Brawl so why not just turn them heel from the inside?

Dean sees the replay on the screen and isn’t happy with Saturn.

Tony tells us about the New Year’s Evil pay per view on December 27, which wasn’t on New Year’s, wasn’t on New Year’s Eve, wasn’t evil and never wound up happening.

Video on Bret, talking about Owen and his death.

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Psychosis

Tony brings up the hiring of Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara, who will be chatting on WCW.com later this week. And so it begins. By it I mean the bizarre choices, such as allowing fans to talk to writers. Why would fans care about something like that? Picture this back in 1988: “Yes fans this coming Wednesday, you can call in and talk to the booker!”

Psychosis is defending after being awarded the title in a phantom title change over the weekend. The new champ starts fast and knocks Disco out to the floor with a baseball slide, setting up a big dive over the top. Back in and Disco gets a boot up in the corner, followed by a swinging neckbreaker for two.

You know Disco isn’t smart enough to make that last though and charges into an elbow from Psychosis. Well at least they’re consistent. A top rope hurricanrana gets two for Psychosis but Disco pops back up, only to dive into a spinwheel kick. The guillotine legdrop misses and Disco hits the Chartbuster to win the title out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. I’ll spare you the obvious question of why they even bothered with Psychosis in the first place and get to the better question of why Disco. He’s still a glorified comedy character whose best matches usually get a response of “you know, he doesn’t suck as much as I thought.” You have Kidman, Guerrera, Mysterio, Malenko and even Psychosis to put the belt on but instead we get someone like Disco.

Oh and just after he wins the title, we IMMEDIATELY cut to an ad for Mayhem.

Sid is on the phone. I smell shenanigans.

The Outsiders come down the stands with drinks in hand. This would be Nash’s first appearance since August and Hall’s first since…..I think March? Heenan asks where they’ve been and Hall says they’ve been at the party down there. Nash is retired, which Hall describes as “working a requirement angle”. They’ll be back and put the band back together once the locker room is fun again. This comes off as more of Russo’s “WE’RE SHOOTING” stuff that is interesting for about five minutes and then turns into a big mess with the fans asking “can’t we just watch wrestling?”

Sid Vicious vs. Brian Adams

Adams is out of the KISS gimmick but still has the Demon pants on. He hammers Sid from behind to start and scores with a suplex. Naturally Sid isn’t going to sell that so Adams clotheslines him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Sid ducks his head, allowing Adams to hit a quick jumping piledriver. Of course Robinson can’t count because Rick Steiner runs out and helps with the beating. Adams fights Sid off and tilt-a-whirl slams Steiner, only to have Sid come back in for a double powerbomb and a fast count. That makes Sid 120-0, though Adams got in WAY more offense than most people do against Sid.

Jerry Flynn vs. Goldberg

During the entrances, we go split screen so Sid can rant about his car. Flynn rakes the eyes to start and is promptly kicked right in the face. A pumphandle slam drops Jerry again as the rest of the First Family comes out for a distraction. Goldberg is knocked outside to get beaten on for a bit (why isn’t this just a three on one handicap match to make this move faster? Oh right: because WCW is stupid enough to put Morrus and Knobbs in the Tag Team Title hunt instead of ANYONE ELSE), including a whip into the steps.

Morrus adds an elbow from the apron and even the referee can’t be bothered to care about these two schmucks. The referee sends them to the back, allowing Goldberg to counter a cross armbreaker and hit the two moves for the win. You know, people remember these two fighting a lot but it really didn’t happen all that often. They only fought four times on Nitro in nearly two years, with a year and a half in between two of them. Goldberg and Morrus had at least three matches so it’s not a huge stretch.

Goldberg promises to destroy Sid.

Brad Armstrong tells Berlyn to speak English, end of scene.

Here’s Harlem Heat for a chat about their upcoming title defense against Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus. There’s so much wrong with that idea that I don’t even know where to start. The match is going to be on like a pot of neckbone, but Booker has to stop for a Wolfpack chant. He tells the Outsiders that they’re not getting the belts but the First Family comes out for a brawl. Knobbs hits Booker in the head with a chair and Morrus gets Stevie down for No Laughing Matter. The First Family leaves with the belts. As usual, decent story, completely wrong cast.

Nitro Girls search time. Baltimore can’t get here soon enough.

Goldberg gets in his car and leaves. I’m sure this won’t go badly for Sid whatsoever.

Benoit says he misses Owen and brings up getting his start in Stampede Wrestling. They’re really making this feel special tonight.

Brad Armstrong vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig chops away in the corner but gets hiptossed and dropkicked out to the floor. Back in and Hennig chops the skin off Brad’s chest but walks into a pair of atomic drops. The Rednecks come in but eat right hands, only to have the Germans come out for a distraction. The bodyguard nails Brad in the back of the head, sending him right into the HennigPlex for the pin. It really took FIVE PEOPLE to beat Brad Armstrong? That’s seriously what we’re going with here?

The Germans beat Armstrong up again post match.

Mysterio goes into the showers to get Kidman for his match. Kidman comes out and Torrie Wilson follows him. Rey looks impressed.

Sid gives the attendant his car keys. Why the same attendant works in two different cities isn’t explained.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

Here’s another match that could be for the Cruiserweight Title. They trade forearms to start until Kidman suplexes him down for two. A Stunner on the top rope drops Kidman as the announcers talk about Kidman and Torrie in the shower. Kidman suplexes Juvy to the floor and adds a dropkick as he gets back inside. Juvy comes back with a DDT out of a fireman’s carry and drops a People’s Elbow. I had forgotten about the Juvy Rock phase. Juvy says he knows our role as we take a break.

Back with Kidman charging into an elbow but snapping off a powerslam (very common move no matter what size people are) for two. Juvy waves Psychosis down but misses a plancha and takes Psychosis down instead of Kidman. That’s fine with Kidman, who runs to the top and dives onto both guys. This isn’t as good as it sounds though as they’re just doing spots without the energy that made their old matches so good.

Back in again and Kidman dropkicks him out of the air but Juvy counters a powerbomb (double gimmick infringement!) into a Juvy Driver attempt, which is countered into a suplex, which is countered into a bulldog from Guerrera. The 450 misses and Kidman hits a Sky High but has to go after Psychosis again. Cue Mysterio to argue with Psychosis, but the distraction lets Juvy hit the Driver off the top for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was more about advancing the feud between the Animals and the loose stable of luchadors, which isn’t really going anywhere as Psychosis isn’t quite the same level as the other three. Granted he might have gotten closer to that spot had they just let him stay Cruiserweight Champion but that might make too much sense.

Juvy and Psychosis get beaten down post match.

Sid has his assistant park his car in Goldberg’s parking space.

Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit

Both are faces here and Benoit’s TV Title isn’t on the line. Harley Race does the intros to make this really special. Bret grabs a headlock to start before they fight over a top wristlock. Hart holds the ropes to avoid a monkey flip but Benoit nips up before Bret can do anything. Very technical so far. Chris bridges out of a test of strength and wraps Bret’s arms across his own throat to get a breather.

A hammerlock has Bret on the mat and the fans chant for Owen. Off to a double arm crank on Hart but Bret reverses into one of his own. Thankfully Bret is actually holding Chris’ wrists unlike Scott Hall who would be keeping himself in the hold whenever that was reversed. Benoit flips out with a dropkick to the chest but gets caught in a Russian legsweep to put him down again.

We hit the chinlock from Hart followed by a hard knee to the ribs to drop Chris one more time. A DDT sets up the middle rope elbow for two for Hart but Benoit grabs a rollup for two. He doesn’t let go of the legs though and turns it into a Boston crab. Bret is quickly in the ropes but gets caught in a backbreaker for two as we take a break.

Back with Benoit getting two off something we didn’t see but Bret comes back with the headbutt to the lower abdomen. A snap suplex sets up a chinlock by the Hitman as things settle down a bit. Another backbreaker puts Benoit on the mat and Bret rams him into the apron. Back in and Benoit spins out of another backbreaker and hits a jumping tombstone for two. A northern lights suplex gets another two for Chris and he fires off the headbutts.

Benoit stomps away in the corner but Bret holds the ropes to avoid a dropkick and a few elbows get two. Bret charges but his cross body hits the ropes to send him outside. Chris hits a big dive through the ropes to put both guys down and we take our second break. Back again with both guys rolling each other up for two followed by Bret stomping away in the corner. They trade rollups for two each again until Bret nails a swinging neckbreaker.

A superplex puts Benoit down but he counters the Sharpshooter into the Crossface but Bret is right next to the ropes. Chris rolls some vertical suplexes and calls for the Swan Dive. He goes to the furthest corner and nails the headbutt for a slightly delayed two. The fans chant for Bret and he comes back with an elbow to the jaw. A piledriver gets two on Benoit as he puts his foot on the ropes.

Benoit gets to do Bret’s chest first bump into the corner but comes out with some hard chops. Bret tries a clothesline but gets caught in the Rolling Germans. The Crossface is blocked and they go to the mat with Bret maneuvering his legs so that he stands up in the Sharpshooter. The fans freak out over that awesome trap by Bret and Benoit has to give up.

Rating: A. This was an excellent wrestling match. Bret worked over the back to set up the Sharpshooter and Benoit tried everything he knew but at the end of the day it was Bret winning with a counter to Benoit’s best hold and a very smooth move into the Sharpshooter. That’s exactly what it was supposed to be and it was more than an awesome match. The crowd respected it too. This is the last great match that WCW had and the last time Bret was actually motivated in a wrestling ring. If you haven’t seen this one before, go check it out to see what great wrestling can do.

Race gets in the ring and everyone hugs and poses before walking out together.

Gene calls out Flair and Hogan, who thankfully come out one at a time. Hogan has to limp down because of the knee injury from last week. They praise each other and my stomach is starting to churn. Hogan says Flair is the best of all time and Flair wants to join Hulkamania. Tonight, Hogan wants to see Flair style and profile. It’s a bad sign when modern day TNA pays better attention to character development and history than this company does.

Sid is in the empty parking space. “I’ve got him now.”

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell

Bagwell mocks Page’s catchphrases to start, saying he’s going to two time, two time, two time beat Page down. Page charges right into a clothesline to start and gets dropkicked out to the floor. Back in and Page can’t hook a powerbomb but does kick Buff low to take over again. A low elbow sets up a stomping in the corner and we hit the chinlock. With his offense running low, Bagwell lands another clothesline and his swinging neckbreaker. Page avoids the Blockbuster though and floats over Bagwell into the Diamond Cutter for the fast pin.

A kid is looking at a window when a horse flies up. Dustin Rhodes is dressed all in black and that’s it.

Hulk Hogan/Ric Flair vs. Sting/Total Package

Tony even has to acknowledge the fans cheering for Sting. Hogan has a big brace on his knee but is fine from last week’s attack otherwise. It’s a brawl to start with Sting and Hogan heading outside while the others fight inside. Hogan is whipped into the barricade as Luger and Flair fight outside.

Tony keeps calling Total Package Luger because it’s such a stupid name change. I can’t even say gimmick change because it’s literally the same guy with a different name. Things settle down with Sting stomping on Flair in the corner but missing a dropkick. As usual, there’s nothing about Sting that would make you think he’s a heel. Sting slams him off the top and it’s off to Luger for a powerslam.

Back to Sting for a chinlock as the fans chant for Hogan. Notice how he keeps moving around on the apron. This is something the bigger stars usually do and you can see Cena do it today. You can do so much to keep a crowd into things while standing on the apron. Pace up and down, reach for tags, shout encouragement. Let the fans know that you CARE about what’s going on at the moment.

Luger prevents a tag to Hogan and Sting gorilla presses Flair down again. A running splash hits knees though and it’s finally off to Hogan. We go old school with right hands and a double noggin knocker, followed by a double clothesline to put both villains down. Page runs in and gets sent into Luger, who blindly Racks him. Hogan hits the big boot and legdrop to pin Sting. Seeing him hug Flair is just wrong on so many levels.

Rating: D+. Standard main event tag here with the champ getting pinned to add to the pay per view match’s build. This is wrestling booking 101, but it’s still really uninteresting stuff. Seeing these four guys fighting while I could be watching the rise of HHH and Rock near or at his peak and the tag teams tearing the house down really doesn’t appeal to me and that seemed to be the opinion of the masses.

Sid goes to his parking space and finds his car crushed into a metal block. If this is supposed to make me watch the match, go back to Charles Robinson needing counting lessons.

Overall Rating: B. By far and away the best show they’ve had in a long time, though most of that is due to the awesome Bret vs. Benoit match. The rest of the show certainly isn’t bad though as a lot of the bad matches were kept short. The Sid vs. Goldberg battle of the garage stuff is getting REALLY old just two weeks in. I’m actually not sure how Sid’s plan made sense and I assure you it wasn’t much clearer on screen. I guess it was supposed to be Goldberg’s car but someone made a switch? This shouldn’t be so complicated. Anyway, best show in months if not years here, but it feels like a one off improvement.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Time for a retrospective!

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-man-called-sting/33950/

Monday Nitro #207
Date: September 27, 1999
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 11,919
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s time to continue into this downward spiral that Nitro has become. Tonight they have a major six man tag with Hogan/Hart/Flair teaming up to face Luger/Sting/Page. Keep that in mind. This is one of the few times that the show has set up a major match a week in advance and actually hyped it up. I’ll come back to that later. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan arriving in a limo to sign autographs for fans. Sting sneaks up on him and speaks in a kid’s voice for a distraction. Hogan, ever the genius, falls for it and gets hit in the knee with the ball bat. They’re changing the main event aren’t they?

Quick recap of last week’s major events.

The announcers preview the show and oh man Heenan does not sound good. This could be a long night.

Tenay tries to talk to Hogan but Hulk gets inside anyway.

Sting says he isn’t done with Hogan tonight.

Before the first match, Heenan goes on a RANT, ripping into WCW for being a mess and telling him how to talk. From now on the Brain is back and he isn’t putting up with this nonsense. That’s quite out of nowhere.

TV Title: Ernest Miller vs. Chris Benoit

The ring looks WAY bigger tonight for some reason. Like bigger than a modern WWE ring. Cat is challenging after asking for a title shot and doing his usual schtick. Benoit chops away to start and Miller immediately bails to the floor. Back in and Chris misses a charge into the corner and things slow down. Miller has “Godfather” on his tights. I would make a joke about that being a lawsuit but it probably was at this point. More kicking and choking ensues as Miller is rapidly running out of offense to go through. A sunset flip gets two for the champ but he walks into another superkick.

For a change of pace, Sonny gets in some kicks on the floor. The lack of Revolution backup tells you all you need to know about Miller and Onoo’s standings. Back in and Benoit ducks the Feliner and scores with a clothesline, only to have Sonny try a choke. Even the referee doesn’t think enough of Miller to make it a DQ. Miller’s loaded shoe kicks Onoo by mistake and it’s the German suplex followed by the Swan Dive and Crossface to retain the title.

Rating: D+. It’s nice to see Benoit get a win and for the TV Title to be defended as it was intended to be for years. Miller losing is always a fun thing to see, which really does make him decent as a heel. Yeah he’s annoying and limited in the ring, but the point of a heel is to see them get what’s coming to them, and that’s what you saw here. Nothing great but an acceptable match that the fans could get into.

Sid has chokeslammed and powerbombed a lot of people.

Vampiro vs. Buff Bagwell

Thank goodness the Clowns are gone. Buff, now minus the mustache, takes a kick to the face early on and Vampiro stomps away a lot. In the vein of Ernest Miller, Vampiro goes up top for a kick this time to really vary up his offense. Bagwell finally starts going with a monkey flip before nailing him with a clothesline. Vampiro’s hurricanrana is countered with a powerbomb and they head outside with Vampiro sending him into the steps.

A chinlock goes nowhere as Heenan rips into Bagwell for the new facial hair. Buff fights up but walks into the Nail in the Coffin, which is just a regular move now. Vampiro misses a guillotine legdrop and Buff starts his comeback, only to walk into an enziguri. They head to the corner for a superplex but Buff shoves him off and hits the Blockbuster for the pin. So NOW Buff’s face push starts and will take him up the card right?

Rating: D. These lower midcard matches are death for Nitro. There’s no reason for them to be taking place, they don’t go anywhere, and the best part about them are Heenan’s rants about how stupid so much of this stuff is. That being said, I’ll take this a hundred times in a row over the Clowns in the ring again.

The announcers talk about Goldberg for a bit and we hear a voice (which sounds quite a bit like Dustin Rhodes) call out to Tony. There’s a window shown and the voice says the darkness is coming. Well if the best it can do is go after Tony Schiavone, it won’t be lasting long.

And now, to a funeral parlor for the funeral of Lex Luger. As in the guy in the main event tonight. He’s laying in a casket but his ghost appears to describe himself as a great man and a great champion. We cut to a cemetery and a woman in black, presumably Elizabeth, throws flowers into a grave. It’s off to the arena with the woman in black being revealed as Elizabeth of course. She comes to the ring to reveal Lex Luger, who is officially renamed as the Total Package. Same guy and the same gear, but now he doesn’t have wrist tape. Literally, identical other than the tape.

Hogan is having his knee looked at when Sting comes in and nails him with the bat again.

Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Douglas tells Dean to take care of this guy but Dean doesn’t want “his kind of help”. Saturn and Benoit are cool with this decision and leave but Shane gives a look that says “well screw you then.” Mysterio sends the Animals to the back and we get a one on one match. They start fast as you would expect by trading shoulders and armdrags into a standoff for one of the best exchanges WCW has had in months.

Malenko is sent to the apron and they head up top for a crash out to the floor. Back in and Rey escapes a reverse suplex into a rollup for two but his springboard hurricanrana attempt is countered in a big sitout powerbomb. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two and the Cloverleaf goes on, but we need to watch Rick Steiner and Sid arrive. Mysterio gets to the ropes and grabs a crucifix for the fast pin before Sid can come out and ruin another good match.

Rating: B-. Of course this match doesn’t get any time because we need to see Hogan getting hit in the knee again because once wasn’t enough. Again, when you just have the talented wrestlers wrestling, the show gets so much easier to sit through. I could have watched another ten minutes of this but that’s simply not allowed in WCW.

Malenko shakes his hand post match and leaves as a good sport.

Goldberg vs. Hugh Morrus

Time for an anniversary match. After the full on entrance, Goldberg busts out a very good looking dropkick and a superkick to send Morrus out to the floor. A hard whip sends Morrus into the steps and Goldberg takes him back inside for a powerslam. Heenan continues to be a huge Goldberg fan, even now that the filter is off. Jimmy tries to offer a distraction and Hugh sends Goldberg outside, allowing Sid to sneak in for a chair shot to the back.

A top rope elbow gets two for Morrus but he’s a bit shaken up from the impact. Stomping and choking ensues as Goldberg’s leg is bleeding. Morrus slams Goldberg to quickly stop a comeback bid and loads up No Laughing Matter. In a repeat of Goldberg’s first match, he kicks out at two and hits the usual for the pin.

Rating: C. This was far better than I was expecting, even though it wasn’t all that great of a match. The Sid stuff is already old but at least they’re pointing at something instead of just having him beat up random luchadors. Morrus was good for a decent match when he needed to pull one off, which is why he wound up with his upcoming punny name.

Goldberg wants Sid.

An ambulance leaves the arena, presumably with Hogan inside.

More Nitro Girls Search stuff with good looking women who still aren’t Stacy Keibler.

Evan Karagias vs. Berlyn

Penzer reminds us that the fans are not to make any noise during Berlyn’s match. You can tell Bischoff isn’t in Tony’s ear as he points out that demanding something means Berlyn doesn’t get what he wants. Berlyn hammers away in the corner but Evan comes back with some generic cruiserweight style offense.

The evil German hides away but pokes Evan in the eye and slugs him down even more. A running knee and nice overhead belly to belly have Karagias in trouble but he’s still able to crotch Berlyn on the top. Evan hits a high cross body for two as the announcers keep focusing on the bodyguard. Said bodyguard nails Evan in the back, allowing his boss to get the win with a neckbreaker.

Rating: D. Berlyn is going absolutely nowhere and it’s pretty clear that they’re shifting the focus over to the bodyguard instead. I can’t say I blame them as he at least has an intimidating look and could cause some damage. Other than that though, there isn’t much to get fired up about for either guy as Berlyn is just horribly boring in the ring.

Berlyn goes after Evan again post match but Brad Armstrong makes the save, only to get beaten down as well. I like Armstrong, but he’s the clearest sign possible that Berlyn is done.

Goldberg breaks into Sid’s locker room and steals his keys from an attendant.

David Flair can’t find Torrie.

Tag Team Titles; Harlem Heat vs. Kendall Windham/Barry Windham

The Windhams are challenging for Heaven knows what reason. Tony continues to screw up continuity by saying Booker was a multi sport athlete in high school. This goes against Tenay’s often repeated line about Booker only being in the marching band. Somehow I have a feeling I’m the only person to pick up on that. Booker superkicks Kendall to start and hammers him down with ease. It’s almost like one guy is a Hall of Famer and the other guy is there because he has a famous brother.

Off to Barry vs. Stevie with the latter in control as we take an early break. Back with Hennig working over Booker on the floor before throwing him in for a beating from Kendall. A DDT drops Booker and everything quickly breaks down. In the melee, Stevie hits Kendall in the knee with a title belt behind Booker’s back, giving T. the pin.

Rating: D+. These teams have fought so many times that there’s nothing left for them to do. As I’ve said before, there are so many teams around WCW but this is the only combination we ever get. A simple change of pace on the booking staff could do wonders for this company, which we’re inching towards every single day. Whether that’s a good thing or not is yet to be determined.

Goldberg calls a towing company. Your top star of the future ladies and gentlemen.

Rick Steiner vs. Van Hammer

This was supposed to be Hammer getting a US Title shot but Sid must be afraid of vengeance from Slamboree 1993. Rick Steinerlines him to the floor and Rick laughs as he beats the tar out of Hammer. Back in and Hammer keeps getting beaten up before grabbing a quick Flashback for his first offense. Charles Robinson breaks up the cobra clutch slam because Heaven forbid Rick Steiner have to look bad for more than ten seconds. Steiner tells Robinson to look the other way so he can kick Hammer low, setting up the Bulldog for the pin.

Rating: F. So in other words, WCW built up a match (kind of) for the US Title but instead of giving us something that might involve a new guy getting into the title picture, we got ANOTHER Rick Steiner squash that no one wants to see. What in the world does anyone see in this guy that makes them want to push him down our throats as more and more people change the channel?

Here’s Bret for a chat. He got hit by a ball bat a few weeks ago but he’s just a little banged up. He’s back in the ring and thinks Hulk Hogan is the Elvis of wrestling. Seriously? I don’t really disagree with the statement but it’s not something Bret would ever say. Cue Flair, who Bret immediately praises as well. That’s not quite as much of a stretch but still doesn’t fit. Flair says they need to take care of Sting/Luger/Page tonight and takes off the jacket to pose. He’ll ride Liz too if she gets involved. I can’t say I blame him after how she looked earlier.

Heenan talks about the mask vs. hair match tonight and says no one cares if Kidman is bald.

Torrie is in the Filthy Animals’ locker room when David calls her. He doesn’t like the other male voices and hangs up. Dude, you had her for like six months. Go out on that high note because you knew it wasn’t going to last forever.

Sid is told Goldberg stole his car keys.

Perry Saturn vs. Konnan

Konnan hiptosses him down but gets caught in an armbar for his efforts. A superkick staggers Konnan but he blocks a suplex attempt. That’s some of the hardest work I’ve seen Konnan do in years. The rolling clothesline is countered into a Tazzplex and it’s back to the armbar, sending Konnan into the ropes. Who would think a match between two bald guys could be this watchable? Back up and a double clothesline puts both guys down as we take a break.

We come back with Saturn cranking on the arm again, sending Konnan right back to the ropes. A top rope elbow gets two for Saturn but Konnan grabs a powerbomb out of nowhere for the same. They head back to the corner with Konnan hitting something like a reverse Razor’s Edge, setting up his usual finishing sequence. Cue a bunch of luchadors and the Filthy Animals for a big brawl to throw the match out.

Rating: C+. The match was far better than I was expecting but the run-in finish hurt things as usual. Who would have thought Konnan could keep up with someone like Saturn though? That’s quite the surprise and a flashback to when Konnan actually could work a decent match. I’d assume this ties into the mask vs. hair match later but given that it’s WCW I doubt they’ve thought it that far through.

Sid goes to his car but doesn’t find the keys. He heads back inside as the tow truck arrives.

Post break, the tow truck pulls the car away.

Here’s Page for a chat. Page says he’s married to the most beautiful woman in the world and that’s why the people hate him. He mentions Luger being gone and the Total Package taking his place, only to call him Luger a few seconds later.

Various celebrities are here, including one of the members of ZZ Top.

Quick recap of Psychosis vs. Kidman in the mask vs. hair match which was thrown together by Chavo Guerrero.

Kidman vs. Psychosis

Hair vs. mask and Psychosis has Juventud and Chavo in his corner. Psychosis hammers away on him to start and they’re quickly on the floor. The outside stuff goes nowhere so they head back inside where Kidman scores with dropkicks. Psychosis sends him right back outside for a slingshot moonsault but Kidman goes for his mask. That’s not the nicest thing in the world to do and pretty out of character for Kidman.

The referee yells at him, allowing Psychosis to get two off a DDT. A dropkick to the side of the head has Kidman in even more trouble and a top rope hurricanrana gets two. The other luchadors get in some cheap shots on Kidman on the floor, setting up a top rope spinwheel kick for another two count. Kidman misses a dropkick but grabs a quick sunset flip. They head to the corner with Psychosis hitting a sitout gordbuster to drop Kidman again but we still don’t have a bald guy yet.

Kidman comes back with a powerslam and loads up the Shooting Star, only to have Juventud pulls Psychosis to the floor. Chavo plants Kidman with a tornado DDT for two and Juvy sneaks in with a Juvy Driver for an even closer two. Psychosis is so stunned that he thinks he can powerbomb Kidman. The Filthy Animals come out to take care of the luchadors, allowing the Shooting Star to get rid of the mask and blow the roof off the place. That’s kind of a surprising reaction.

Rating: B+. Again, give two talented guys ten minutes to work and let them fly all over the ring before soaking in a great reaction from the crowd. This will of course be followed by the fans not caring about the main event because of whatever reason you care to pick for this show. This was a really fun and fast paced match though with some great near falls.

Kidman quickly rips the mask off and there’s a huge brawl.

Sting, Luger and Page are coming to the ring. Luger stops dead and starts chuckling until Page says the red light is still on and Luger keeps walking. Just……yeah.

Bret Hart/Ric Flair vs. Sting/Total Package/Diamond Dallas Page

Because this show clearly has enough power to pull a bait and switch. Sting shoulders Flair down to start before hitting a gorilla press. Just like last week, if you watched this match as a stand alone, you would never know Sting had recently turned. Flair avoids a Stinger Splash so it’s off to Luger vs. Hart. The Canadian takes over as Heenan makes more jokes that don’t make sense.

Bret starts up the Five Moves but Page breaks up the Sharpshooter before it can do much. Everything breaks down for a bit with Sting nailing a running clothesline. Tony brings up Liz sending an official memo to the announcers, forbidding them from calling her man Luger. It’s a shame he doesn’t bring up Bret injuring all three guys last year because that might make things more interesting.

Luger chokes Bret in the corner before Sting draws in Flair, allowing Hart to get double teamed. A double clothesline puts Sting and Hart down and it’s a hot tag to bring in Flair. It quickly settles down to Flair suplexing Sting and going for the leg. Hart takes out Page and Luger but Kimberly sneaks Luger the ball bat which nails Flair for the DQ.

Rating: D. Totally standard tag match which wasn’t even advertised because WCW is so much better than WWF about giving what they advertise. Remember when that was Tony’s big talking point every week? Nothing to see here as this was more running around in circles before the “money” matches at the pay per view. Just more dull stuff here that didn’t advance anything.

David Flair runs in and gets beaten down. We cut to the back where we see an empty ambulance and Hogan limps out as his partners and David are destroyed. Hogan cleans house, gets the bat, and sends the villains running. Screw off WCW. Seriously, it’s 1999 and Hogan is still destroying everyone while Flair and Hart look like mere mortals. Was there ANY reason to not have Hogan in this match?

Sid goes to his car…..and it’s been completely crushed. He shouts for Goldberg as we go off the air and I shout about why Sid was actually in the arena despite having nothing to do tonight.

Overall Rating: C. There are some very good moments on this show but the bad ones drag it back down to reality. The same problems continue to plague this show: a main event with no heat and Goldberg being wasted on a feud people don’t really want to see while Rick Steiner suddenly has match making power and gets to pick who he beats up in the ring without ever selling for more than five seconds. Two of the three big matches being changed didn’t help either, which brings me back to something I brought up at the beginning.

So with the big main event match announced in advance, here are the final ratings for the shows this week. Monday Night Raw: 6.8. Monday Nitro: 3.0. To put this in perspective, back on Christmas night 1995, Raw only beat Nitro by 2.5. On that night, Nitro wasn’t on television. From what I can tell, this is the second largest margin when both shows were on in their regular time slots in the entirety of the Wars so far. Of note, the only time that beat it was built around the return of Hulk Hogan. Somehow, neither week taught WCW a thing and that’s a bit reason why you don’t see Nitro every Monday night.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #206
Date: September 20, 1999
Location: Firstar Center, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 11,634
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

The question in WCW is now “how bad can it get”. After last week’s mess, the main event makes me feel like pounding my head in with a hammer, but the midcard scene only makes me want to carve hieroglyphics into my stomach with a branding iron. Russo can’t get here soon enough, and I’m sure that’s going to be followed with a “what the heck was I thinking”. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s show and the theory that Sting has been having a master plan for the last three years.

Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis vs. Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Kidman dropkicks Psychosis down to start but Juvy offers a distraction to let the masked man take over. Juvy doesn’t like cheating and comes in legally with a headscissors before some double stomping has Kidman in even more trouble. Kidman flips out of a German (apparently you can’t suplex him either. Unless you’re Lenny Lane) and tags in Rey, setting up a Doomsday Device with Mysterio hitting a springboard seated senton instead of a clothesline.

A Lionsault from Rey gets two but Juvy grabs a quick suplex to take over again. Psychosis comes back in for half of a double top rope guillotine legdrop (that was awesome) for two with Kidman making the save. Rey makes a quick tag so Kidman can hit a top rope cross body to take down both guys as everything breaks down. Psychosis, not being Lenny Lane, can’t powerbomb Kidman but Juvy shoves Kidman into a dropkick for the pin by Psychosis in a big surprise.

Rating: C+. Take four talented guys and let them fly around the ring for five minutes to open the show. That’s standard, common sense booking and it’s something that is going to work every time. Well, except when it ends with Sid powerbombing or chokeslamming all of them to continue a stupid angle but at least they’re trying.

Cue Eddie and Konnan for a beatdown with Kidman going for Psychosis’ mask. So the Animals are heels? It’s not really clear most of the time. Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out for the save and argues with Eddie, but Psychosis starts ranting in Spanish. Chavo says that was a challenge to Kidman for a mask vs. hair match next week but Psychosis doesn’t seem to agree. Since everyone in this company has match making powers, it’s on for next week.

Quick video on Sid vs. Goldberg.

Brian Knobbs vs. Goldberg

This is actually fallout from Goldberg beating up Jerry Flynn last week. Goldberg knocks him to the floor to start so Knobbs hits him with five straight chair shots. As usual, the referee doesn’t seem to mind. Goldberg blocks a ram into the post and hits a big boot back inside. Jimmy Hart comes in and gives Knobbs the megaphone for a cheap shot, but it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the easy pin.

Video on the Revolution.

Clip of Benoit vs. Malenko from last week.

Here’s Flair for a chat. He wants Sting out here right now because he’s free at last. From Bischoff I presume? Benoit comes out instead and says the two of them have unfinished business, so after he wins the title tonight, Flair can have Sting. Despite already having a guaranteed title shot tonight, Benoit challenges Sting. Flair ignores this and yells about Sting as Benoit talks about it being his time after all of Flair’s lies. Ric runs off, looking for Sting. As usual, the young guys mean nothing on this show.

Nitro Girls video.

Nitro Girls competition. Still waiting on Stacy.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit’s TV Title isn’t on the line and all references to the champ will be about Sting. The Revolution isn’t out here so it’s one on one. During the entrances, Tony announces Sting/Luger/Page vs. Hogan/Hart/Flair for next week. Good to see Benoit getting this shot in the first hour instead of the main event where the World Title should be. Feeling out process to start with Benoit missing an enziguri and getting dropkicked outside.

Back in and a clothesline sends Benoit outside again as they seem to have a lot of time for this match. Another dropkick puts Chris down on the floor for the third time in two minutes. He seems to be more frustrated than outmatched so far. Benoit scores with a dragon screw leg whip and dropkick to the knee. Sting is already a million miles ahead of Sid by actually selling the injury. A bridging Indian deathlock with Benoit’s hands around the face have Sting in even more trouble but Benoit has to let it go.

The champ gets caught in the Tree of Woe for a baseball slide dropkick but the second one misses, crotching the Canadian against the post. There’s an atomic drop from Sting as the knee is fine far too fast. Sting totally botches what looked to be an attempt at a reverse Tree of Woe, nearly dropping Benoit on his head in the process.

More atomic drops have Benoit in trouble so he clotheslines Sting down. That earns him a chinlock for a bit and a knee to the ribs to stop his comeback attempt. A reverse suplex drops Benoit again and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up again and Sting avoids a dropkick but gets small packaged out of nowhere for two.

Sting’s top rope splash hits knees and Benoit has an opening. The Stinger Splash misses as well and Benoit nails the Swan Dive for a close two. The Crossface goes on but Sting is right next to the ropes. Benoit puts on a sleeper instead but the counter takes out the referee. A piledriver has Sting in even more trouble but there’s no referee to count the cover. Benoit’s German suplex gets the same result until Luger runs in with a bat shot to the ribs for the pin to retain Sting’s title.

Rating: C+. This actually wasn’t as good as you would think it would be. Sting didn’t really sell much until the end, but it was nowhere near a squash. Benoit looked like a decent challenge to Sting but he clearly wasn’t a real threat to win the title. The interesting thing here though was Sting’s offense. Other than some atomic drops after Benoit crotched himself, which is more intelligence than anything else, there was nothing here that would make you think Sting was a heel. Is it any shock that the fans aren’t booing him?

Flair comes in to punch Lex down and earns him a Diamond Cutter from an invading Page. Hogan comes in for the save as Benoit is totally forgotten.

Berlyn video.

Berlyn vs. Scott Armstrong

Armstrong gets run over to start and Berlyn poses on the ropes. He spits on Armstrong and drapes him over the top rope, knocking him out to the floor. The bodyguard doesn’t get to fire off a right hand so Berlyn hits a European uppercut back inside. The match just keeps going for no apparent reason until the bodyguard gets in a cheap shot, setting up the neckbreaker for the pin on Armstrong.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying to push someone new but that Duggan match has just crippled Berlyn right out of the gate. Well that and the bad vignettes, bad interpreter, bad look that doesn’t at all hide the fact that he’s Alex Wright, bad matches, bad finishing move, bodyguard who already outshines him, the simplicity of the evil foreigner gimmick and no one caring about him. Other than all that, the guy is great.

Earlier today, Vampiro and the Clowns argued over which one should get the Cruiserweight Title shot but it’s eventually Shaggy getting the shot. You know, the guy who pinned the champ last week. I apologize for making you think about that again. Gay jokes abound to make it even worse.

We see Flair getting beaten up last week.

Here’s Diamond Dallas Page to rip on Pete Rose for cheap heat. I’d much rather watch Rose’s WWF appearances as they’re actually entertaining, but cheap heat is better than no heat. Anyway, he’s facing Flair in the main event tonight and is going to retire Ric because Flair won’t retire like he should have years ago.

Clip of Saturn vs. Guerrero from last week.

Evan Karagias vs. Blitzkrieg

So why did we see Saturn vs. Guerrero just now? The winner gets a Cruiserweight Title shot on Thursday. They fight over wrist control to start until Evan hits an uncharacteristic press slam. A more likely dropkick sends Blitzkrieg to the floor for a big dive as Tony and Bobby talk about the West Hollywood Blonds, dropping that name for the first time. Back in and Blitzkrieg hides behind the referee for a distraction, allowing him to elbow Evan in the face. A big flip dive misses though and a top rope cross body gets two for Evan. Cue Sid as Evan hits a spinning top rope splash for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C. This is actually a better step as they’re at least letting the matches end before they get to the Sid interference. That really isn’t too much to ask in theory, but for WCW it comes off like a miracle. Not much to see here due to time, but at least they’re pushing Evan as the next challenger.

Sid beats them both up and challenges Goldberg for Halloween Havoc, as long as Goldberg doesn’t touch him first. Well at least there’s a focus now.

Revolution video.

Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Saturn knocks Eddie into the ropes to start so he comes back with a hurricanrana and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Saturn down. The Revolution pulls Eddie outside for a beating and we take an early break. Of course that somehow doesn’t end the match via disqualification but why would that happen? Back with Guerrero armdragging out of a chinlock and nailing a sweet springboard tornado DDT. That was just awesome looking.

Eddie walks the top rope into a hurricanrana to take Saturn down again but Perry pops back up with a belly to belly. A huge top rope elbow drop gets two for Saturn and it’s Death Valley Driver time. Eddie rolls into a victory roll for two, perhaps because Saturn took time to signal for his finisher move. Saturn loads up a superplex but gets hurricanranaed down, only to avoid the Frog Splash. Eddie ducks a charge and sends him outside to trigger a huge brawl with the Animals. In the melee, Shane nails Eddie with a chain which Saturn sees and doesn’t like. After a staredown with Shane, Saturn covers for the pin.

Rating: B-. This is your token good match of the week but it still doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere. I’m hoping this leads to the end of Douglas in the group as he just doesn’t fit with the idea. If nothing else, he just showed up one day and was suddenly part of a team who was tired of being held down by WCW after being with the company for all of a week.

Here’s Hogan to ignore his history with Flair (as in history dating back about six months at this point) and say how much he and Hart care about him as they head into the six man tag. I mean, Flair is totally cool with Hogan after the NWO kidnapped him into a field and beat the living tar out of him or broke up the Flair family? This is just a hard sell for the six man.

Recap of Shaggy pinning Lane in the tag match last week.

Insane Clown Posse music video. YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THEM!

Cruiserweight Title: Shaggy 2 Dope vs. Lenny Lane

A quick ICP chant breaks out which I’m sure is enough to validate this horrible idea. Tony Mamaluke runs in again but gets punched in the jaw by Lodi, allowing security to handcuff him. As he’s being taken away, Tony shouts about his brother coming soon. Back to the comedy match, Lenny jumps into the referee’s arms but gets dropped on his back, allowing Shaggy to slam him down for two.

The guillotine legdrop misses and a gutwrench sitout powerbomb gets two for the champ. Lenny does the slow, crawling cover so Shaggy comes out of the corner with a bad looking running Liger Bomb for two more. Lodi trips Shaggy to the floor (not a DQ of course. The more interesting question is what does it actually take to get a DQ in this company?) but Shaggy knocks him onto J. and Vampiro, which somehow knocks him out, allowing Lenny to get the pin.

Rating: D-. And that’s IT. Just stop with the stupid Clown matches and get them out of this company so we can see some real wrestlers for a change. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Lenny and Lodi deserve better than this. I really shouldn’t be nervous that someone is going to get maimed because a Clown is trying to drop a top rope legdrop and has no idea what he’s doing and no one should have to take the move. Bad match and the ending made no sense.

Here’s Rick Steiner to brag about how awesome his brother and Sid both are. This brings out a HUGE Scott Steiner to brag about how he’s been chasing Wilt Chamberlain’s record. Apparently he just found out that the NWO is done, meaning someone who seems to be a top heel hasn’t been paying attention in four months. Speaking of those months, he doesn’t tell us where he’s been, nor has WCW told us anything about his whereabouts. He wants to fight Hogan, which could be such a disaster that it’s one of the most entertaining messes in history.

Kanyon vs. Booker T.

Feeling out process to start with Booker nailing an early dropkick to take over. Kanyon bails to the floor, nearly falls over laughing at Stevie’s intimidating face, and rolls back inside. Mr. T. scores with his usual stuff and knocks Kanyon back outside, only to be sent into the barricade for his efforts. A suplex brings Booker back in and a middle rope Fameasser gets two. We continue stealing popular WWF moves with a Rock Bottom to Kanyon (not yet named the Book End) and the usual kicks, followed by the missile dropkick to pin Kanyon.

Rating: C-. This was fine with both guys getting to show off in a short match. I mean, it’s not like they could have given any more time to this because we needed to hear from the old guys all night instead. As usual, the talented guys give us a reprieve from the boring nature of the old guard, but this didn’t have the time to get anywhere.

Ric Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Flair jumps him in the aisle and the fight starts fast. They head into the crowd with Page trying to stagger away but eating more right hands to the jaw. Page finally gets inside and nails Flair in the ribs to take over. The backdrop sends Flair onto his shoulder as always and sets up a pelvic thrust elbow, which is totally not like the Rock’s big move whatsoever. We hit the chinlock for some very loud spot calling before they slug it out. A lot blow sets up the Figure Four but Sting comes in to break it up, only to miss that big elbow. Some things never change. Sting gets put in the Figure Four but Luger comes in with the bat for the DQ.

Rating: D. You know, some people might want to see the World Title match closing the show instead of this mess but we can’t have Benoit closing the show. This was angle advancement instead of a match to set up the six man next week. Page is nothing at this point and it’s getting more and more clear every week.

Hogan comes in and takes a bat shot to the knee so Flair dives on top of Hogan to protect him. If Flair has ever done something more out of character, I’ve never seen it.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling was significantly better this week but it was still nothing great. That being said, you can still see that the younger guys and the harder workers are locked in one part of the roster while the rest of the company is firmly in the other half. Benoit’s title shot was little more than a plot device to set up the next week’s main event, which is just another six man tag. The lack of continuity with the stories is frustrating, but at least we’re finally getting somewhere with Sid vs. Goldberg. It won’t be any good, but at least Sid isn’t destroying my soul anymore.

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Monday Nitro #205
Date: September 13, 1999
Location: Dean Smith Center, Chapel Hill, North Carolinas
Attendance: 5,571
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s the night after Fall Brawl and again I’m convinced WCW has hit rock bottom. The Revolution got swept last night and Sting turned heel to win the World Title, despite the fans sounding pleased with the results. We’re now a month away from Halloween Havoc and it’s time to see how Nitro goes without Bischoff running things behind the scenes. Let’s get to it.

Things are already looking up on this show as we look back at last week with Hart challenging Hogan and all the Hogan/Sting/Luger shenanigans.

Nitro Girls.

Quick recap of last night. That’s the best way to do it if you absolutely must.

Recap of Benoit and Malenko having a good match for a World Title shot tonight until Sid interfered to give us a good old fashioned bait and switch.

Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Rematch with the same stipulations as last week with Saturn and Douglas at ringside. Feeling out process to start as they fight over a hammerlock. Benoit scores with an enziguri but can’t hook a dragon suplex. Instead Dean nails him with an elbow tot he jaw but they both fall out to the floor. Mostly even match so far. Saturn and Douglas don’t let it turn into a brawl as Tony is talking about Sting, which actually ties into this match. You can tell Bischoff isn’t in his ear this week.

Dean takes over with a short arm scissors back inside but Benoit powers out and drops Dean for two. Malenko avoids a dropkick and goes for the leg but Benoit is right next to the ropes. Benoit misses a charge in the corner but catches Dean taking way too long to get up top, setting up a top rope superplex to put both guys down.

A double clothesline gives us a double cover before we hit a very crisp pinfall reversal sequence. Benoit starts rolling Germans but Dean counters into a rollup for two. That’s enough for Benoit as he hooks a belly to back and slits the throat, only to get caught on top for another superplex, but Benoit hooks Dean’s leg on the way down and ties the legs together into a small package for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B+. That might be high but this is the best match WCW has had probably in months. It wasn’t even ten minutes long but they packed stuff into this match with both guys getting to look great. There’s a great story in here with Benoit trying to use suplexes and throws while Dean wanted to break Benoit down by going for body parts but kept getting in trouble when he went out of his comfort zone, namely whenever he went to the top. At the end of the day, there is no substitute for a really good wrestling match and that’s exactly what you got here.

All four members of the team gets in to hug post match.

Gene is in the ring and brings back Ric Flair as he returns in the Carolinas again. They’re already about 10,000x better than what we got last night. I wonder how much of a difference the lack of Bischoff makes as there’s a good chance he booked the PPV before leaving and this is the first real show without him.

Ric is back in face mode and sucks up to the crowd, who of course love him like free beer in a frat house. Flair alludes to being free (of Bischoff I’d assume) before talk turns to Sting and Luger. He doesn’t approve of how Sting won the title. I’ll let you pause to laugh at that for a minute. This brings the two of them out to say it’s their time now, meaning it’s time for Flair to go because they’ve been held back long enough. Somehow they’re onto something as they’ve combined for eleven World Titles and Flair has I think fourteen at this point?

Ric says they have to to earn their spots, which you would think they did years ago but Flair has always had some issues with reality. Luger and Sting deck Flair and put him in their respective submissions, drawing out Hart and Hogan for the save. Hogan sets up the tag match for later, which he’s doing for Flair. You know, for all those great moments they’ve had together earlier this year.

After a break, Luger and Sting laugh because Luger doesn’t have medical clearance or any gear. Sting not mentioning facing Benoit later scares me.

Berlyn’s entourage arrives.

DJ Ran throws it to Riki Rachman to show us last week’s winner in the Nitro Girls competition and introduce this week’s finalists. None of them are Stacy Keibler so we’ll move on.

JJ Dillon is on the phone with a doctor in Florida and finds out that Luger has been cleared for three weeks. My what convenient timing for him to finally look into that.

Stills of Benoit vs. Sid from last night. The faster we move on from this the better a lot of people will be.

Erik Watts vs. Disco Inferno

Someone explain to me why WCW keeps Watts on the payroll. They must owe Bill a favor of some kind. Erik “Let me show you my dropkick” Watts hammers away to start but gets armdragged and hiptossed, setting up dance time. He stomps Watts down in the corner but misses a charge, allowing Watts to powerslam him into the corner. Think the Oklahoma Stampede minus the followup powerslam.

Watts stays on the ribs but Disco counters a Russian legsweep into one of his own, even though it’s pretty much the same move either way. The middle rope elbow misses though and DEAR GOODNESS TURN DOWN THE CROWD NOISE! The fans suddenly go from silent to losing their minds in the span of half a second as we go split screen to show Sid. Disco hits the Last Dance for the pin a second later.

Rating: D-. That powerslam wasn’t bad but the audio going nuts was the most entertaining part of the match. Disco really deserves something better than this. Even a low level tag team or something like that would be nice for him. Instead he’s stuck in these lame matches and about to get powerbombed in half by Sid.

Of course that’s exactly what happens, plus Sid rambling on about not putting up with trash like this, or with Goldberg for that matter. Charles Robinson was holding the signs as Sid is now at 82-0 and got to wear the US Title. Somehow, it kind of suits him.

Silver King vs. Norman Smiley

Norman shoves him around to start but takes a quick enziguri (a popular move tonight) and a quick flip splash. King sends Norman outside and teases a dive which looks so horrible that Smiley doesn’t even bother to move. Back in and Smiley busts out the Big Wiggle but has to hit a wheelbarrow slam, followed by the spinning slam. Not that any of it matters though as Sid comes in for the no contest.

Chokeslams and double pins make Sid 84-0.

We recap the horrid Berlyn vs. Duggan match from Sunday.

Steve Regal/Dave Taylor vs. Barry Windham/Kendall Windham

Regal runs over Kendall with ease to start and takes him to the mat for a well needed wrestling lesson. A front facelock has Kendall in trouble and Regal goes behind him to throw Kendall around a bit. Off to Barry and the gut of doom before Taylor comes in for a European uppercut. The Windhams take Taylor into the corner for a double teaming with the Windhams moving at top speed. Well top speed for them at least, which is slow motion for most other teams.

Taylor finally rolls away, somehow countering the Windham’s lightning quick offense to make the tag to Regal. Steve comes in with those pretty lame left hands of his and a Regal Cutter to Barry as everything breaks down. Taylor hooks Barry in a leg lock but Kendall makes the quick save. The referee goes after Taylor, allowing Hennig to hit Regal with the cowbell to give Barry the pin.

Rating: D. The Windhams need to get away from my screen as soon as possible. They’re not interesting, they’re not good in the ring, they’re not really in shape and they’re not losing like they should be. The Brits are a decent heel team and could actually have a nice match if given the chance, but here they are jobbing to the Windhams, who still aren’t over after losing the titles a day earlier.

Back from a break with Jerry Flynn in the ring but Goldberg is shown coming to the ring with security while wearing street clothes. Goldberg comes down to the ring and passes Prince Iaukea, who seems to be Flynn’s scheduled opponent. THANK YOU BILL! Goldberg isn’t pleased with Sid’s comments earlier and would like to challenge him to a match. That’s the cleaned up version of course. We cut to Sid in the back where again his audio is so low that I can’t hear a thing he says. He picks up a bag and leaves as Goldberg is still in the ring. Flynn complains and I think you can guess what happens.

Stills of the Tag Team Title match last night.

Harlem Heat vs. First Family

So we had Malenko and Douglas lose last night for a non-title match? The countdown is on for those guys. Ray and Morrus stall for a few moments to start before both guys shove each other around. Knobbs comes in for a double team attempt but Booker kicks him in the face to send us to a commercial. Back with all four fighting outside until it’s Morrus slamming Ray for two inside.

The Family hits back to back splashes in the corner but try a double clothesline and get run over for their efforts. At least Stevie is at the point where he can run at people and stick his arms out. I mean WCW praises the Clowns for doing it so they should praise Stevie too right? Booker comes in to fire some kicks at Knobbs but the Rednecks come back out to break up the missile dropkick for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad and they’re getting the idea of making the hot tag to someone who can actually use some speed. That being said, did Douglas and Malenko really just lose to the First Family to set up a loss to Harlem Heat the next night to continue the boring rivalry with the Rednecks? That’s what we really just did? The fact that it’s not the Clowns getting this feud is somehow the best news to come out of this.

Insane Clown Posse vs. Lenny Lane/Lodi

Oh this is going to hurt. Vampiro is hurting as well after a bunch of injuries to his head and eye after the match last night. Lodi is wearing an East Carolina University football jersey. Does he want a job in WWF (Vince went to school there if that made no sense)? A fan runs into the ring before the match but it turns out to be Tony Mamaluke, who has been following Lenny and Lodi recently. Heenan: “Take him out back and hang him.” When did Brain get so harsh?

J. does some bad looking hiptosses so Lenny starts prancing a bit. A gorilla press sends Lenny running on his knees to Lodi. The camera goes to Vampiro at ringside and thankfully he says there’s something more important going on and points to the ring. Shaggy hammers on Lodi and Stuns Lane across the top rope. A double suplex sends 2 Dope into the ropes as the fans are cheering for the Clowns. The brothers hit a knee lift into a legdrop for two on Shaggy but we get heel (?) miscommunication to allow the tag to J.

Tony and Heenan keep sucking up to the Clowns and say they deserve a Tag Team Title shot. My goodness ANYTHING but that. We get the spot where Lenny and Lodi are knocked into sexual positions before they plant Shaggy with a double DDT for two. The brothers load up a suplex/cross body combination but Lodi hits Lenny by mistake, allowing Shaggy to roll Lenny up for the pin on the Cruiserweight Champion.

Rating: F. A Clown just pinned a champion in what was supposed to set up Shaggy winning the title. Thankfully the Clowns wouldn’t wrestle again in WCW until August so this didn’t go anywhere, but my goodness. They’re treated like good guys, the announcers freak out over hip tosses, and they’re pinning a champion. Just….come on WCW. Even you should be better than this.

The Clowns want Kidman. That recruiting thing isn’t going to be mentioned again is it?

WCW World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Sting

Before the match, Benoit talks about Sid tapping out last night and the whole world saw it, but sometimes the calls don’t go your way. Instead of violins playing Sting to the ring, dogs are barking and Rick Steiner is here. Oh geez here we go. Rick says this isn’t Benoit’s night and for absolutely no adequately explained reason, this is happening instead of Benoit’s World Title shot.

TV Title: Chris Benoit vs. Rick Steiner

Steiner hammers away to start and knees Chris in the ribs. He plants Benoit with a powerslam as this is one sided so far. More beating in the corner ensues until Rick does that face grab of his. Steiner shoves the referee before they head outside with Benoit going into the barricade. Total and complete squash so far.

A belly to belly sets up more face ripping, followed by one of the most painful looking release German suplexes I’ve ever seen. Benoit landed right on the back of his head in a huge crash that made me cringe. It’s only good for two though so Steiner smacks the referee in the face, allowing Benoit to grab a bad looking rollup for the fast count and the pin for the title. Steiner clearly kicked out at about two and a half.

Rating: D-. This right here is the moment where it was clear WCW did not care about Chris Benoit. Yes he won the title but he had a total of some right hands at the beginning and a rollup with a fast count due to something Steiner did. This was all about Steiner and Benoit got squashed the entire time after having a great match earlier tonight because in WCW’s eyes, Steiner is more important than Benoit by definition. On top of that, there’s the whole missing World Title shot. Why stick around if you’re Benoit?

Post match, Steiner destroys Benoit until Malenko makes the save. Just in case you needed any more proof that Benoit is just a guy and might as well have been Prince Iaukea in WCW’s eyes.

Video on the Revolution. You know, those four guys that Steiner and Sid regularly beat up.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Perry Saturn

The Revolution and Filthy Animals are at ringside with Kidman looking to be in pajamas. Feeling out process to start with both guys trading attempts at holds until it’s Eddie grabbing a headlock. Saturn shoves him off and hits a big T-Bone before putting on a headlock of his own. Somehow both guys have already had as much or more offense than Benoit in the previous match.

Back up and Guerrero jumps on Saturn’s back for a sleeper as Tony takes way too long to get to a commercial. We come back with Saturn hitting a hard belly to back suplex but it seems to just fire Eddie up. Things speed WAY up with a sweet exchange of sleeper attempts and suplexes, all of which do little more than make me even angrier at Rick Steiner and Sid for getting pushed so hard.

Eddie gets T-Boned off the top but is still able to hot shot Saturn in the corner. The third T-Bone sends Eddie flying again and makes me think I’m watching a Taz match. The Death Valley Driver is countered though and Eddie plants him with a brainbuster. Eddie has to bail out of the Frog Splash but escapes another DVD attempt, setting up a solid pinfall reversal sequence. Saturn sits down on a headscissors attempt and gets a surprise pin.

Rating: B. Another awesome match here between two guys who can just get in a ring and go. Therefore, neither guy is going to get anywhere around here. This show has had some really good wrestling but also been some of the most frustrating stuff I’ve ever seen. Some combination of these guys could be tearing it up with Harlem Heat for the Tag Team Titles but we’re getting the Windhams and threats of the Clowns because WCW is that stupid.

The groups stare each other down and war is imminent. Why have them fight big names when you can just have them fight each other right?

Berlyn vs. Buff Bagwell

So he’ll skip the PPV (while still appearing to likely get a payday) but he’ll fight on TV where more people are watching? Again, WCW is stupid. The interpreter is back and goes to the commentary booth to make this even more painful. She starts speaking German and the voice is already annoying. Bagwell stalls to start as Tony actually calls this an anticipated match.

A nice dropkick puts Bagwell down and the German continues. Some clotheslines look to set up the Blockbuster but Buff gets crotched on top. The bodyguard gets yelled at as this match is already dragging. Berlyn gets two off a belly to back suplex and we hit the chinlock. The comeback sets up a top rope clothesline and some basic offense as Berlyn is knocked down in the corner. A hot shot sets up a punch from the bodyguard, giving Berlyn the three count.

Rating: D-. Gah this was dull and it barely broke five minutes. It was a short step better than the Duggan match but it’s clear that Berlyn isn’t going anywhere. The German chick got annoying the second she started talking and it didn’t make the match any better. On top of that, it’s clear that they’re going for the Shawn/Diesel formula with the bodyguard becoming the star, but Berlyn is as far from Shawn Michaels as I am from being Miss Nebraska 1973.

We get a long video on Sting posing the theory that Sting’s entire run as the crow was just there to set up his heel turn last night. It’s a cool video but this sounds like some nonsense about the moon landing being staged in a big studio somewhere. It doesn’t help that the video contains dialogue like this: “Perhaps Sting was driving the Hummer that attacked Kevin Nash. He was seen getting out of a Hummer a week later, remember?” They even bring up NWO Sting being part of Sting’s grand plan.

Sting/Lex Luger vs. Bret Hart/Hulk Hogan

Luger is in street clothes and it’s a brawl to start. Hogan and Sting get inside with Hulk destroying the champ with all the right hands he can throw. Bret comes in for right hands of his own as Luger finally gets on the apron. The champ comes back with a clothesline and the fans loudly cheer for him. If you were just watching the match with no commentary or any idea what happened last night, you would have almost no reason to believe Sting was a heel.

It’s off to Hogan vs. Luger with Hulk firing off even more right hands but eating the running forearm to the head. Sting comes in with a top rope splash for two because heels use high flying moves. Back to Luger for more choking as we’re still waiting on wrestling to start. Hogan blocks a ram into the buckle but Sting comes back in for a suplex. Lex starts going after the knee as this match needs to just die already.

The knee goes nowhere as Hogan clotheslines both guys down, setting up the lukewarm tag to Bret. A quick Russian suplex gets two on the champ and the middle rope elbow gets the same. Everything breaks down as Diamond Dallas Page comes out for no apparent reason, carrying a ball bat. Hogan knocks it away as Bret has Sting in the Sharpshooter but Luger picks it up and nails Bret in the face, giving Sting the pin.

Rating: F. When I’m miserable over the fact that there are only two minutes left in a match, there’s something very wrong. This was terribly boring with no one putting it into even second gear. It doesn’t help that the story makes no sense. All of a sudden Sting is EVIL (despite not really doing anything evil tonight), Bret and Hogan are Flair fans and Page is now hanging out with Luger and Sting. Terrible match here and I have no interest in seeing this go forward.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a really hard one to grade. The Revolution matches (save for Benoit vs. Steiner but that was the booking’s fault) were really good and some of the better TV matches WCW has put on in a very long time. Unfortunately though there’s a HUGE gap between those and the main event matches, which ranged from horrible to the preferred method of torture in 14 countries.

This show was a perfect illustration of how nothing is going to change in WCW. The young guys can go out there and have great matches that actually get the fans reacting, but no one is going to break through into the main event scene. Those guys exist to fight each other and warm the crowd up so the real stars can have their boring matches with whatever nonsense stories they’re running. It’s like banging your head against a wall and wondering why the door doesn’t move. As usual, the wrestling can be good in spots but the booking will make you pull your hair out.

Thunder was canceled this week due to a hurricane and replaced by a recap show so I won’t be putting it up. Sorry to the four people that actually read those recaps.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #204
Date: September 6, 1999
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 8,623
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s one of those rare weeks where WCW has given us the slightest glimmer of hope coming off this past week’s Thunder. They actually let Saturn escape with his life against Sid and the Revolution got to stand tall to end the show. We’re coming up on Fall Brawl this Sunday though, and that means it’s time to crush the hopes and dreams of fans so the main event talent can carry the day again. Let’s get to it.

Clips from last week.

Opening sequence.

With new music, here’s Bret Hart in his medium return to WCW. He thought it was a good idea to come down to Miami and show up back here after a lot of time off to think. After all that time, it occurs to him that he hasn’t accomplished his goal of making a difference here in WCW. This isn’t about titles, but he wants to face Hogan. Even if the title isn’t on the line, he can’t move forward with his career until he gets that one match. That’s quite the random challenge without much of a reason. Glad to see Bret is fitting right in.

Here are Riki Rachman and Kimberly for the first round of the Nitro Girl search. There are two finalists and the fans get to vote on WCW.com. Kimberly wraps it up by telling us how hard it is to be a Nitro Girl. I’m sure it is. The saving grace of this segment: Rachman to the crowd: “SAY OH YEAH!” Crowd: “NO!” When WCW’s fans reject you, get out while you can.

Lodi vs. Evan Karagias

Just a matter of killing times until the Clowns and Vampiro show up. Lenny offers an early distraction so Lodi can throw Evan outside. Back in and Evan hits a quick dropkick for two, followed by a Sky High for the same. The champ tries another distraction but this time gets send running back to the floor.

A powerslam and neckbreaker get two each on Lodi and Evan dives onto Lane before he can get on the apron again. They start brawling and it’s nice to see Lenny actually fight for a change and show a backbone. Lodi accidentally dives on his brother and here come the Clowns for a distraction, allowing Lodi to grab a quick DDT for the pin.

Rating: D. My goodness this company is falling fast. It’s nice to see the backbone of the company getting bigger stories, but we’re opening shows with a guy famous for carrying signs vs. the pretty boy of the week. How is this supposed to make me want to keep watching? A mostly dull and short match with Lodi winning isn’t exactly the most thrilling thing in the world.

DJ Ran y Las Chicas Nitro.

Here’s Hogan with something to say. Thankfully he keeps it short here, saying he has no idea why Savage and George were in his locker room or what Luger’s agenda is. He even clarifies that he has a black Hummer instead of the white one in the picture. I still can’t believe that was a plot point they had to address. Hogan can’t wait for his six man cage match with Sting and Goldberg against Page/Sid/Steiner. You would think that match would be mentioned earlier in the night but WCW wants to keep us guessing you see.

Barry Horowitz vs. Al Greene

If Sid doesn’t come out during this…….It’s a very bad sign when a match doesn’t seem good enough for a taped Thunder but that’s what we’ve got here. Feeling out process to start with Barry raking his eyes because if there’s anyone you can buy as a heel, it’s Barry Horowitz. An armdrag and dropkick put Greene down and Barry chokes him on the ropes. For another match that should have been announced earlier, Tony promises a battle royal with the final two men having a regular match for a World Title match next week.

Suddenly we have piano music playing and cut to a man with bleached blond hair playing the piano being lowered from the ceiling. That would be the Maestro, who we’ll get to know more in the future. As this is going on, Sid comes out and powerbombs both guys for the no contest. Tony declares him 77-0, despite that being his record at the start of Thunder. I would say this is a big rib, but I don’t think WCW has the intelligence to pull that off. However, I can give it to WCW to have Sid, Tony screwing up, a piano being lowered from the ceiling and the debut of a new guy in a Barry Horowitz (as a heel for some reason) match.

Sid promises to break Goldberg’s record. I think we’ve gotten the point by now.

The West Texas Rednecks are getting ready for the battle royal without Duncum, who will be out two to three months. The door swings open and there’s a cowboy silhouette, complete with tons of smoke. Instead of someone interesting, it’s Vincent, now dressed like a cowboy, offering the Rednecks his help. Since the Rednecks aren’t that bright, they take him up on his offer. Curt’s nickname for him: Curly Bill. Sure why not.

Here’s Harlem Heat with something to say. Gene asks them about their title match on Sunday and Booker says he’s here to turn this mother out. He knocks the microphone out of Gene’s hand and just takes it from him next time. As usual, Gene really doesn’t have a reason to be here. Stevie says they will be the nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time, nine time Tag Team Champions. Now Booker wants to burn this mother up but we’re out of time.

Luger and Sting go into a locker room to find Bret and Hogan. Sting wants to talk to Hogan, who agrees….and there go the lights. Sound effects ensue and we come back with Sting out cold. Luger and Hogan blame each other for doing it. Didn’t we see this same storyline with the roles reversed back in the early days of Nitro? As in with the same exact people?

There’s more to that battle royal than announced earlier. There are twelve people in the battle royal and the first four will be eliminated. The next six out will face each other in singles matches later tonight, and the final two will have another singles match with the winners facing each other for a title shot next week. Those first three singles matches don’t seem to be for anything other than a way to torment us. Thankfully WCW has a graphic for this because the idea of Tony or Bobby remembering this would have been a disaster.

Battle Royal

First Family, Revolution, West Texas Rednecks

Battlebowl 1996 might have had a better lineup than this. Somehow they can’t even promote a match like this properly as Hennig stays on the floor, making it an eleven man battle royal, in theory meaning the first three are officially eliminated. Everyone brawls to start with Saturn choking Barbarian before moving over to Barry. The First Family seems to have the most continuity as the Revolution is on the other end with everyone fighting for themselves.

Shane backdrops Knobbs out and Benoit dumps Bill. Barbarian goes up top like the lunkheaded savage he is and gets dropkicked out, leaving us with eight. Benoit and Saturn chop on Morrus in the corner as Hennig keeps walking around on the floor. Shane backdrops Kendall out but Kendall grabs Douglas from the floor and pulls him out as well. I’m assuming that’s a match later. Benoit throws Barry out and Saturn dumps Flynn, leaving us with Morrus, Saturn, Benoit and Malenko. Morrus gorilla presses Saturn out, only to walk into a double clothesline to give us Malenko vs. Benoit for the title shot later tonight.

Rating: D. Gah we’re in for a very, very long night with what could be a great match to cap it off. This was a really boring battle royal with a bunch of low level guys and the US Champion and pals in there to take over near the end. I’m not sure why I would want to see Kendall Windham vs. Shane Douglas, Jerry Flynn vs. Barry Windham or Hugh Morrus vs. Perry Saturn (ok that could be decent) but if WCW can waste our time with stuff like this, why not?

Ad for Cat-Bo, a parody of Tae-Bo. See, this is the kind of stuff that can actually be entertaining, though it only kind of accomplishes the goal. The problem here is that it’s only kind of funny and comes off more like a really badly made serious version of what they’re making fun of. I mean, it’s a bunch of out of shape people moving around and exercising with a professional athlete leading them. That’s not really funny and is pretty much exactly the point of Tae-Bo in the first place. In other words, WCW had something resembling an idea but managed to screw it up.

Johnny Swinger vs. Prince Iaukea

Is the main roster on vacation or something? Swinger hides in the ropes to start and takes a shoulder to put him down. Prince hammers away in the corner and backflips over Swinger into a rollup for two. My goodness why is this not a dark match? Johnny hammers away in the corner as Tony brags about the huge audiences watching the show. There’s actually something to that as Nitro was within very close striking distance of Raw for a few weeks around this time. Granted by next week they lost by two points but they were there at this point.

Swinger hammers away even more because he doesn’t know how to do much besides punch. The fans again want Sid but instead get Iaukea missing a dropkick before making his comeback. Cue Vampiro and the Clowns again with Violent J. tripping Swinger, allowing Vampiro to give him the Nail in the Coffin so Iaukea can get the easy pin.

Rating: F. I mean…..dang man. They really are pulling out all of the horrible ideas here to make sure no one wants to keep watching this show. Yeah they tried to push something here with the Clowns recruiting people, but who in their right mind would recruit Prince Iaukea? This is clearly another episode where they’re not trying and expect the fans to just suffer through whatever they’re given and stick around for the main event stuff, despite that plan not working in about a year and a half.

Earlier today, Buff Bagwell was signing autographs when Berlyn came up and spoke German. Bagwell doesn’t take kindly to someone speaking anything other than AMERICAN and goes after him to no avail.

Berlyn video.

Steve Regal vs. Buff Bagwell

Buff starts a USA chant to keep up his xenophobic run. Feeling out process to start as they trade arm control with Regal clearly not going at full speed. A backdrop and clothesline put Regal on the floor, allowing Buff to do some high quality posing. Back in and Buff wins a slugout until Regal drives a knee into the ribs. Dave Taylor loads up the flag shot despite his buddy being in control, only to hit Regal by mistake, which sets up the Blockbuster for the fast pin. So our American hero got beaten up for most of the match and won due to some failed cheating. USA indeed.

Post match Buff grabs the mic and says he loves Miami because it’s part of America. This Sunday, Berlyn will be fighting all of the USA. This would be somewhere around Booking 101.

Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis/Blitzkrieg vs. Kidman/Chavo Guerrero Jr./Eddie Guerrero

It’s a huge brawl to start as this is already moving fast. Juvy and Eddie are left alone in the ring with Eddie taking a powerbomb before it’s off to Psychosis to start some triple teaming. Psychosis crotches Eddie on top and just lets him drop down. That’s a different method of operation instead of like, doing something interesting. Psychosis hits a top rope spinwheel kick (not a plancha Tony) and another triple stomp ensues.

Eddie finally gets a break by grabbing Psychosis’ hands and climbing the ropes into a headscissors takeover to Juvy while wristdragging Psychosis. Guerrero could hit that move like no one I’ve ever seen. He tags both partners and everything breaks down Kidman dropping a guillotine legdrop on Blitzkrieg but it’s off to Juvy for a bulldog out of the corner. He catches Kidman on his shoulders, allowing Psychosis to come in off the top with a missile dropkick for a big crash.

Off to Blitzkrieg for his overly flippy elbow drop before it’s already back to Juvy. Kidman nails the BK Bomb but here are the freaking Clowns again. Everything breaks down again and Juvy pulls Chavo to the floor, only to have Blitzkrieg hit his partner with a dive by mistake. Back inside, Psychosis can’t powerbomb Kidman (he’s no Lenny Lane), setting up the Frog Splash for the pin.

Rating: C. Either do something with the Clowns or stop having them come out so many times a show. They just stand there and then try to recruit some low level cruiserweight to set up whatever big recruitment story they have which isn’t going to make the Clowns any better in the ring. Or interesting for that matter.

Shane Douglas vs. Kendall Windham

Please make it quick. Shane asks the fans if they want a revolution. Kendall doesn’t seem to want one as he elbows Shane in the face, only to eat a gordbuster. The necksnap gets two and they head to the floor with Windham taking over. Shane is sent into the barricade and steps before taking him back inside for a legdrop for two. Kendall takes a quick atomic drop and Shane weakly punches him in the corner.

Here’s Curt Hennig to nail Shane in the back as we cut to a split screen to show the Revolution in the back. They don’t bother coming out or anything, so Harlem Heat comes out and jumps Hennig. Stevie completely misses a slap jack shot to Kendall, setting up Shane’s Pittsburgh Plunge for the pin, even though all four shoulders were down.

Rating: F. It was boring, it was sloppy, it had three people running in and there was no reason for these two to be fighting other than they were both in a battle royal earlier in the night. I’m not sure what the idea was behind the battle royal setting up matches but it feels like they have no idea what else to do.

WCW is giving away a million dollars next week. Given how much money they’ve given away over the years with bad booking, that might be a financial improvement.

Jerry Flynn vs. Barry Windham

Flynn takes him into the corner for a bunch of kicks and punches as he’s doubled his offensive repertoire. More kicks and chops have Barry looking annoyed so he rakes Jerry’s eyes across the top rope. Jerry kicks him even more until Jimmy Hart trips Barry, causing Curly Billy to go after Hart. The distraction sends Jerry after Bill, who blasts him in the head with a title belt. Barry hits a quick DDT for the pin. Thank goodness this wasn’t three minutes long as I don’t think I could come up with a low enough rating.

Clips of Berlyn debuting last week.

Gene brings out Berlyn and gets frisked by one of the security guards. Berlyn’s Lana says every stupid cliché you could imagine about how great Germany is and promises to show America that Germany is just better. Thankfully they kept this short.

Nitro Girls.

Hugh Morrus vs. Perry Saturn

This has to be better right? Morrus hammers away to start and counters a sunset flip, only to miss his sitdown splash. Saturn sends him out to the floor for a breather before punching Morrus instead of accepting a test of strength. Somehow this is already more interesting than what we’ve seen so far tonight.

Back up and Morrus stomps and chokes in the corner but gets pushed into the buckle and punched even more. Even more forearms and punches have Saturn in trouble but he kicks back from the mat. That’s it for his offense for now though as a clothesline sets up a chinlock. This match is dying.

Back up and Saturn hammers away, only to have Morrus bite his face. A gorilla press sets up a top rope splash but Saturn rolls away. Some suplexes have Morrus reeling but Jimmy Hart breaks up a Death Valley Driver attempt. The distraction lets Morrus nail Saturn in the back, only to have him miss No Laughing Matter. The Rings of Saturn finally end this.

Rating: D-. Just end this show already I beg of you. This was by far the best match of the three battle royal fallout matches so far and it’s only because Morrus is the least horrible of the heels involved. What does this prove? That Morrus can beat up Saturn for ten minutes until Saturn hits a quick move for the win? It didn’t work for Randy Savage back in 1995 and it doesn’t make me want to see Saturn fight for the TV Title on Sunday.

Road Report.

Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Non-title but the winner gets a World Title shot next week. They shake hands hard to start before Benoit takes him down to the mat. Dean does the exact same thing before nailing a shoulder to get us to a standoff. A test of strength goes to Malenko but Benoit monkey flips him for two, setting off a sweet pinfall reversal sequence for several near falls each. Benoit is sent to the apron but gets pulled back inside almost immediately.

Things start getting more intense as Benoit chops away and sends Dean into the buckle. It turns into a slugout with Benoit getting the better of it before we hit a quick chinlock. Thankfully that goes nowhere and they fight over a tombstone with Chris planting Malenko…..as Sid comes out. Benoit misses the Swan Dive, drawing in Sid to powerbomb Malenko and talk trash, giving us a no contest, which should have been a DQ win for Benoit but WCW doesn’t understand how wrestling works. So yes, the ENTIRE BATTLE ROYAL and all those boring matches mean NOTHING.

Rating: D+. I should have known. I mean I really should have known. You knew WCW wasn’t going to give Benoit or Malenko a crack at the top spot in the company because that would be elevating one of these guys, when it’s clear they only exist to make people like Sid look good. The match was getting good until the end, which crippled it more than jumping off the top rope did for Sid.

Video on Hogan vs. Sting.

Video on Page vs. Goldberg.

The cage is lowered, complete with a top on it.

Goldberg/Hulk Hogan/Sting vs. Sid Vicious/Rick Steiner/Diamond Dallas Page

Steiner still doesn’t have the TV Title with him, though to be fair, Hogan doesn’t have his belt either. Hogan comes out first and the fight starts 3-1 with the World Champ in trouble. Goldberg is nice enough to go through his full entrance as his partner gets triple teamed. Apparently Bigelow and Kanyon aren’t pleased with Goldberg’s laziness and jump him outside the cage as we’re waiting on Sting. Bigelow and Kanyon show their stupidity by throwing Goldberg inside the cage and he immediately starts his comeback. He fights out of a Diamond Cutter attempt and powerslams Page before clotheslining the other two down.

Hogan gets back up and the villains are beaten up even worse. The trio starts fighting back as Sting and Luger come out with Lex telling Sting not to go in. Sting doesn’t listen to Luger (would you?) and comes in to clean house again, sending Sid and Steiner running away and leaving Page to get big booted and legdropped for the pin. The ending was odd as Hogan seemed to get up at two and a half while Goldberg and Sting just stood there with nothing to do.

Rating: D-. And now I’m supposed to pay for Goldberg vs. Page this Sunday? He’s become the main event whipping boy in the last few weeks, but at least it’s better than having the young guys doing these jobs. Not that they would ever be allowed near Hogan, Goldberg and Sting of course. This was another massacre with Hogan and Goldberg barely breaking a sweat before Sting came down to take away any possible threat. The main event heels are looking so worthless right now that having any two parts of the holy trinity fighting each other is the only real option they have.

Luger gets in the ring and right into Sting’s face, saying Hogan can’t be trusted. Sting and Luger start fighting as the show goes off the air.

Overall Rating: F-. There have been books written about what killed WCW. You’ll hear reasons ranging from the AOL-Time Warner merger to guaranteed contracts to a lack of elevating new stars. I however offer a new theory: their shows SUCKED. Look at what they presented here tonight and tell me how they were trying to put out a good product. I for one don’t really need to see Jerry Flynn and Kendall Windham working twice in a night but that’s just me.

What on here would make me want to come back? Is it the boring to horrible matches? Maybe the young guys getting crushed? Or is it the Clowns coming out three times a show? It could be sitting through three terrible matches and one passable one to find out that the entire concept was just there for Sid to beat up more young, talented guys. This show drew a 4.1 rating compared to Raw’s 4.4. Next week’s ratings: 6.0 for Raw compared to a 3.3 for Nitro. This show didn’t make people stick around and how can you blame them? Total disaster here and it was clear they weren’t even trying.

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