IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 29, 2004
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 5,300
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re in week three of Team Orton running the show and in this case it’s Randy Orton himself in charge. His first order of business: HHH defending the World Title in a battle royal, which should all but guarantee a new champion. Now let’s see how our beloved champion gets to outsmart everyone this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Raw World Title: Battle Royal

Edge, Gene Snitsky, Ric Flair, Steven Richards, Tyson Tomko, Rob Conway, Sylvan Grenier, Jonathan Coachman, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Viscera, Rhyno, Eugene, Chris Benoit, Maven, Tajiri, Rosey, William Regal, Batista, Chris Jericho, Val Venis, HHH

The fight starts before Batista comes out, so we watch that in full and come back to everyone standing still again. Hold on though as here’s Vince McMahon to say that this isn’t happening due to reasons of anyone can win. Can you imagine someone like Steven Richards as the World Champion? It’s a #1 contenders match instead, but the winner will get their shot tonight so you’re still getting a title match.

Battle Royal

Edge, Gene Snitsky, Ric Flair, Steven Richards, Tyson Tomko, Rob Conway, Sylvan Grenier, Jonathan Coachman, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Viscera, Rhyno, Eugene, Chris Benoit, Maven, Tajiri, Rosey, William Regal, Batista, Chris Jericho, Val Venis

Everyone starts fighting as Edge chills on the steps without ever having gotten in. Hurricane dives at Viscera for some reason but since Viscera isn’t that bright, he can’t throw him out just yet. A bunch of people get together and toss Viscera, followed by Tajiri eliminating his own partner Rhyno. Tomko is out next and Maven gets rid of Grenier, only to get tossed by Eugene. Back from a break with Benoit and Edge chopping it out in the middle of the ring and Coach having eliminated himself rather than be chopped by Benoit again.

Regal and Rosey both go out at Snitsky’s hands, followed by Batista tossing Hurricane. That means a Snitsky vs. Batista showdown until everyone else breaks it up due to reasons of wrestling stupidity. Batista starts cleaning house, including tossing Eugene, Tajiri, Christian, Venis and Flair in just a few seconds. The fans are WAY into that as we take a break. Back again with Jericho dropkicking Snitsky out, leaving us with Jericho, Benoit, Richards, Edge, Benjamin and Batista.

Richards starts celebrating and gets beaten down to leave us with five. Shelton unloads on Edge in the corner as JR is on fire with the over the top call here. The stomping goes on a bit too long though and Edge sends Benjamin to the apron, setting up a spear for the elimination. Jericho charges at Batista and gets tossed, leaving Benoit to German suplex Edge. Benoit low bridges Batista out though and we’re down to the two Canadians. They both wind up on the apron and fall to the floor for the double elimination.

Rating: D+. So there’s the latest version of the double winner battle royal as we set up a likely triple threat match tonight. The match was far longer than it needed to be, though they got us down to a good collection of talent at the end. Having it come after a bait and switch certainly didn’t help either.

In the back, two referees both tell Randy Orton what they think they saw, which of course is a split decision. The referees leave and Vince comes in to tell Orton that it’s his call. Edge comes in to plead his case, offering Orton a title shot if he gets to face HHH tonight. Orton says he’ll think about it, which isn’t good enough for Edge. The boss leaves and Edge is furious.

Maven is annoyed that he hasn’t won anything in the last few weeks. Eugene comes in and asks for help putting his Tag Team Title on. That’s too far for Maven and Shelton Benjamin has to get between them. After four years of work, Maven doesn’t have anything and Eugene can’t even spell title. Eugene spells title so Maven goes after him, with William Regal breaking it up. Maven sits back down.

Candice Michelle stops Orton to ask if her new dress is appropriate. Orton approves, but here’s Benoit to demand the title shot tonight. Benoit would win the title if he had the chance and so he wants his chance. Orton promises to fix things.

Here’s Orton to fix things. Well in a minute as first he announces Regal/Eugene vs. La Resistance for the Tag Team Titles and Jerry Lawler (the birthday King) vs. Ric Flair. Other than that, we can have a triple threat match with Benoit and Edge challenging HHH for the title. I’ve heard worse ideas, though not many less interesting.

Lawler goes to get ready so Jonathan Coachman takes his place.

Lita/Victoria vs. Molly Holly/Trish Stratus

The villains jump them from behind and it’s Victoria getting suplexed down. Trish comes in to start kicking at the arm as the announcers go over HHH’s odds to retain the title. It’s back to Molly for a swinging neckbreaker as the back of Victoria’s trunks has torn, which is made even worse given how small they were in the first place. Molly cuts off the comeback with a kick to the ribs and it’s a stomping down in the corner.

The running seated dropkick gets two and a running elbow keeps Victoria away from Lita again. The Chick Kick is blocked and now it’s off to Lita, meaning Trish gets to panic. Lita can’t quite hit a running splash in the corner so it’s a snap suplex instead. A sleeper has Trish in trouble but Molly makes the save and sends Victoria outside. Molly gets knocked out as well though and it’s the snap DDT to finish Trish.

Rating: D+. This could have been a lot worse and the fans are wanting to see Lita take Trish’s head off when she gets the chance. It was a smart move to keep things short at Survivor Series, because the build wasn’t quite done just yet. That was some smart storytelling and they could get some extra mileage out of this story for a better result.

Muhammad Hassan and Daivari montage, with clips of their previous rants.

Ric Flair vs. Jerry Lawler

This is billed as a Legends Match. JR mentions Lawler’s resume and major title wins, which is a good thing to bring up every now and then. How many younger fans see Lawler as an old guy and not a wrestler? Lawler mocks the strut to start and gets shoved, so it’s a slap to Flair’s face. Flair gets knocked down and that’s another strut from Lawler. A slugout goes to Lawler and we get the required Flair Flop.

Flair gets in a cheap shot out of the corner and the comeback is on, including the knee drop. The comeback takes all of two seconds as Lawler elbows him in the face and hits the middle rope fist drop. As you probably saw coming though, Lawler bangs up his knee on the way down though and Flair is rather pleased. A chop block sets up the Figure Four with a grab of the ropes to make Lawler tap.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to it but these two know how to do a paint by numbers match in their sleep. The fans are always going to react to Lawler because he’s one of the all time great performers and has forgotten more about working a crowd than most of the modern roster will ever know. Yeah they’re both old and the match was just a quick filler, but you can see the knowledge and talent on full display.

Melina has been signed as the newest Raw Diva and she hugs Orton for giving her the chance. Melina: “If there’s anything I can do to thank you for the favor, let me know.” Maria comes in as well and Orton has an idea. They won’t be wrestling, but they’ll be in the ring doing something.

Wrestlemania Recall: Benoit wins the title.

We get another Shelton Benjamin video, this time talking about all of the drug issues in his hometown. He was in the middle of firefights and got out as soon as he could. Eventually he found his way out through sports, which got him to college.

With the emotional story out of the way, here is Orton, flanked by Maria, Candice and Melina. Orton thinks we need more hot women though so here are Christy Hemme and Stacy Keibler. So why are they here? Lingerie fashion show. There isn’t much to say here as they all strip, they all look good, they dance rather close to Orton and they all get cheered. A group hug wraps it up.

Is this supposed to make us want to like Orton? The tall, handsome wrestler who gets to hit on the gorgeous women that he probably could get regularly? Orton added nothing to this segment and it could have been anyone running the thing to the same result. This was over ten minutes long, or longer than anything but the battle royal tonight. I get the appeal, but could you be a little more subtle with this stuff?

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. William Regal/Eugene

Regal and Eugene are defending. Eugene shoulders Conway down to start as we hear about the lingerie from the previous segment being auctioned off on WWE.com. As I shake my head, it’s Regal coming in and getting taken to the mat in a bit of a surprise. Eugene gets knocked off the apron and it’s time to Hulk Up, after a legal tag of course. House is cleaned but the crowd is dead after the previous segment. The airplane spin has Conway in trouble and the top rope ax handle gets two. Au Revoir is broken up and it’s a Stunner to finish Grenier.

Rating: D+. The wrestling was watchable for such a short match but the lack of a reaction was really noticeable. There’s only so much you can do when your crowd is dead after a segment like the previous one and there was nothing these guys could do. It’s almost like the fans came to a wrestling show to see wrestling and not a long segment that didn’t add anything to the show.

Post match Eugene brings the kids in to celebrate but Maven runs out and sends him into the steps.

Trish thinks Chris Jericho finds the face mask funny but Jericho thinks she looks great. He also finds it funny that she called Lita the walking Kiss of Death but tonight, the walking KOD beat the walking STD. Next week, Lita gets her title shot.

How to bid on lingerie!

Flair and Batista yell at each other over the battle royal. Good thing they waited an hour and a half to have this talk. HHH comes in to rant about the triple threat but both of them calm him down. Batista sounds a little tentative when he says he has HHH’s back.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Benoit vs. Edge

HHH is defending. Benoit goes after Edge as the champ chills in the corner, watching as Edge knocks Benoit to the floor. Back in and HHH knocks Edge to the floor and whips Benoit chest first into the corner for a pair of twos. Edge comes in again and it’s time for Benoit to take over with some alternating chops. A double clothesline puts Edge and HHH on the floor, setting up a double dive to take them both down again as we take a break.

We come back with HHH down on the floor and Benoit putting Edge in the Sharpshooter. HHH’s save attempt is countered into the Crossface but here are Flair and Batista to make the save. Orton comes out to eject both of them, leaving HHH to hit a spinebuster for two on Edge. Benoit comes back in for the suplexes, setting up the Sharpshooter to Edge’s already banged up back.

Instead of immediately saving, HHH posts Orton first and then breaks things up. HHH gets taken down again and it’s more rolling German suplexes on Edge. Benoit goes up top but has to knock Edge away, giving us a ref bump. The chair is brought in but Orton takes it away from HHH and chairs him over the barricade. Edge is back up for the spear, which is countered into a Crossface with another referee running in. That’s reversed with a rollup that doesn’t break the hold, meaning he taps out at the same time the referee counts three for the double finish.

Rating: C+. There was good action but I rolled my eyes a bit at the match having the same kind of ending as the opener, even with the same people. I’m sure this will set up something else down the line, because that’s what this whole story has been since Survivor Series: a bunch of stuff that makes you wait until next time without giving you anything concrete.

The two referees and the two Canadians argue over who wins to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. A bunch of mostly bad wrestling with Orton offering nothing as the boss for the night makes this another weak show. At least something kind of happened in the main event, but we’re sorry because your definitive deal is on another episode. Benoit vs. Edge for the title is what makes sense and if you think that’s what we’re getting, you haven’t been paying enough attention.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 1, 2004
Location: Peoria Civic Center, Peoria, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The big story this week is the locker room rising up against Evolution, who ran roughshod last week because Eric Bischoff was gone and they just decided they were in charge. Randy Orton isn’t allowed to challenge HHH for the World Title anymore, making me wonder who in the world is supposed to go after the belt. Odds are no one at the moment, meaning more HHH bragging time. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look back at the locker room fighting back against Evolution last week, with a focus on Orton not getting to challenge HHH again because he lost to Ric Flair. No worries though as he hit HHH with an RKO to end the show.

Opening sequence.

Eugene vs. Gene Snitsky

Hardcore match with Snitsky wheeling out a baby carriage. In the back, William Regal explains a hardcore match to Eugene, who says he has to do this himself and stand on his own two feet. I don’t see this going well. The fans are behind Eugene as he slugs away with a broom handle to as much success as you would expect.

Snitsky is fine enough to hit him with a chain and pulls out a NO BABIES sign to blast Eugene again. A slam onto a sign keeps Eugene in trouble but he gets in a shot with the chair for a breather. Some leather strap shots to the back put Snitsky down as the fans are WAY into this. Snitsky shrugs it off though and it’s pumphandle slam onto a street sign for the pin.

Rating: D+. They’re keeping Snitsky short here and that’s the right idea. Let him be a monster and beat up the popular guys without overexposing him, which has worked for years and it’s working here. Eventually someone can slay the monster, but the longer they build him up, the better this is going to be.

Post match Snitsky loads up the chair around Eugene’s neck but Regal runs in with the brass knuckles for the save. The father figure role is working well for Regal, because you know he can back it up if he has to.

HHH says everyone attacked him last week because they’re jealous of him. They attacked the biggest star in WWE today and the guy bringing the people into those arenas (3,500 out of 18,000 in Milwaukee for Taboo Tuesday anyone?). He won’t be there tonight so let’s see how things go without the franchise player. There better be a hero’s welcome for him when he gets back next week.

New interviewer Maria Kanellis talks to Tajiri, who is glad HHH is gone because the locker room is sick of him. Batista and Ric Flair come in for the beatdown.

Here are Batista and Flair in the arena with Flair saying what happened to HHH last week was unacceptable. Like him or not, the fans all need to respect HHH because he is the World Champion. If you don’t treat him with respect, Batista has no problem with destroying the entire locker room.

This brings out Bischoff, who doesn’t want to hear anymore. He gets right to the point, annoying three matches for Survivor Series: Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin for the Intercontinental Title, Trish Stratus defending the Women’s Title against Lita and Team HHH (HHH, Batista, Edge, Gene Snitsky) vs. Team Randy Orton (Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven). Flair doesn’t like his name being left off that team but Bischoff says it’s because of what happened last week. He wants to see the inmates run the asylum even more because he’s tired of having Flair try to boss people around.

Evolution didn’t come to his rescue at Taboo Tuesday so what has he gained by sucking up to them for two and a half years (as usual, Bischoff isn’t great on details). Therefore, he has an idea: he’s going on vacation for a month after Survivor Series and the winning team is going to get Raw for that time, with each member getting to be in charge for a week. Batista doesn’t find that to be fair because Benoit and Jericho would just give themselves title matches. That sounds like a threat so Bischoff says they better win at Survivor Series. So there’s your next six weeks and while it could be worse, I don’t buy Bischoff’s new style lasting.

Christian vs. Hurricane

Christian grabs a headlock takeover but here’s Edge less than ten seconds in. He’s back on Raw and has his book, which apparently includes a lot of material on Christian. The book is available tomorrow and you can read about his likes and dislikes, such as Peoria. The only problem is he wanted the last chapter to focus on his winning the vote at Taboo Tuesday and won the World Title. Don’t worry: he can have an epilogue in the paperback.

Edge goes to leave but sees the angry JR, who must want an autographed copy. We get to the match for once with Hurricane hitting a running neckbreaker for two. Hurricane gets the same off a high crossbody but gets sent into the post, setting up the Unprettier to give Christian the pin. More than half of the match was on Edge, which is a really questionable decision during a match featuring the #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title.

Post match Shelton Benjamin runs in to chase Christian off. Christian yells at Shelton for costing him the vote at Taboo Tuesday. He knows Shelton wants to fight but since Tomko is hurt, here’s a one night only problem solver: Viscera, giving Shelton a great “are you serious?” look. The double beatdown is on with Shelton taking a World’s Strongest Slam. Note that this is the same day that Test and A-Train were released. They see Viscera with more upside than A-Train?

Edge is happy to be back because he’s ready to defend the Tag Team Titles tonight. Since Benoit beat La Resistance on his own, tonight should be an easy title defense. Benoit comes up and Edge takes a title (with Sylvan Grenier’s nameplate still front and center), saying Benoit better watch his attitude or it’ll be another solo defense tonight.

Maven goes in to see Evolution because he didn’t like what happened to Tajiri earlier. Flair gets rather serious but Orton and Jericho come in as well and Evolution backs down.

Here’s Simon Dean live in person to give away a year’s supply of products. After insulting a woman, he calls in a fan with limited teeth….and that is the future Beer City Bruiser of Ring of Honor fame. I had no idea he had been around that long. Anyway Dean makes fun of his weight and the fan loses it, earning himself a beatdown.

Lawler has a thing called a Juicebox, a portable device that lets you watch video clips, look at photos and listen to MP3s. Oh those wacky 2004 flashes in the pans.

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. Chris Benoit/Edge

Edge and Benoit are defending but there’s no Edge to start so Benoit has to go it alone again, though he’s fine enough to hit a backbreaker on Grenier. Conway gets in a neckbreaker to take over though and Benoit is in trouble. Cue Edge, with a full entrance, to distract Benoit even more and the beating continues. Benoit finally gets in a suplex for a breather but Edge walks out as we take a break.

Back with Edge on commentary and showing him the new book. Grenier cranks on a cravate as JR snaps as only he can at this level of disrespect. The comeback is on as we discuss Edge’s high school yearbook and neck surgery. Benoit snaps off a bunch of suplexes, including a few German versions to Conway. The Swan Dive connects and the Crossface goes on as Edge gets in to distract the referee, leaving Benoit to take Au Revoir to give La Resistance the titles back.

Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course, though Edge was hilarious on commentary as he’s kind of perfect for this role. It also makes sense to have him not care about the Tag Team Titles because, as he mentioned at Taboo Tuesday, he’s held them ten times before and it’s time for him to step up to the next level. We really, really need some new champions though as it feels like La Resistance has held the titles for years.

Post match Edge hits him with the belt (blood) and a spear, plus a Crossface to make Benoit tap. That was better than anything in the match.

Evolution comes in to Bischoff’s office and yells about the Survivor Series stipulation. He demands that Bischoff change things but that’s a no (you don’t have to ask Bischoff twice to screw Flair over). Bischoff doesn’t get why people want him to have so much power but he’ll use some of it tonight. We’re going to have a six man tag: Evolution vs. Jericho/Maven/Orton. HHH isn’t here but if he doesn’t show up, it can just be a handicap match.

Here’s the debuting Muhammad Hassan, who says he’s an Arab American and born right here in the United States. Since 9/11, he’s been stereotyped as a terrorist who blows things up. Now, please be respectful to him. He praises Allah and Khosrow Daivari, his manager, translates to Arabic. Right now, someone needs to pop up with a sign telling them to GO BACK! YOU’RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO DO THIS!

Survivor Series rundown.

We look back at Viscera and Christian attacking Shelton Benjamin.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Viscera

Non-title and Benjamin has taped up ribs. Viscera goes straight for the ribs and takes the tape off, setting up the big fat splashes in the corner. The belly to belly suplex crushes the ribs again and a big elbow makes it even worse. Viscera tries a charge (work with me here) into the corner but gets drop toeholded into the middle buckle instead. For some reason Shelton tries the exploder and gets crushed for another near fall. With Christian cheering Viscera on from the stage, Shelton grabs a handful of face and hits the Dragon Whip for the fast pin.

Rating: F. They went with this over A-Train??? I know A-Train isn’t great but he’s a heck of a lot more mobile and versatile than Viscera, whose entire offense revolves around being 500lbs. The match was nothing with Benjamin hitting the finisher and Viscera looking like a turtle on his back.

Post match Christian comes in for the stomping and takes the exploder.

Smackdown Rebound.

Here’s Trish Stratus for a chat. She’s here to calm down her friends and family who have been panicking since they found out she’s facing Lita at Survivor Series. We see a video of Lita’s managing over the years, including her time with Essa Rios (Me when I was about twelve: “Rios is awesome. If he can get rid of that annoying redhead, he’ll be a lot better.”) who disappeared, the Hardys….who are gone as well (Trish, narrating: “TL-C you later.”) and the time with Kane where he got his throat crushed (Trish: “Ding dong the freak is dead!”) because Lita is the kiss of death.

Back in the arena, Trish talks about Lita being more than a walking kiss of death. She’s a loser too and at Survivor Series, she’ll lose the match just like she lost her baby. Cue Lita and Trish knows she’s screwed up. The beating is on in a hurry with Lita bouncing Trish’s head off the mat. Gail Kim comes in for the save and the beatdown is on, capped off by a Chick Kick to leave Lita laying. Trish is on fire at the moment and I want to see Lita take her head off so well done all around.

More voter registration stuff.

Maven/Randy Orton/Chris Jericho vs. Evolution

There’s no HHH but Maven is on the other team so is it really a handicap? Orton and Batista start things off with Batista charging into a boot in the corner and getting rolled up for two. Flair comes in and gets punched down as well, setting up the backdrop so Flair can get in the trademark screaming. It’s off to Jericho for the Walls, which he releases so we can have a three on one staredown of Batista before he can interfere.

We settle back down to Maven hitting a missile dropkick on Flair and it’s time to stare at Batista again. Jericho comes in to beat up Flair some more and even draws Batista in to distract the referee, meaning it’s a low blow to Ric. Batista finally gets smart by coming in and decking Jericho so he can drag Flair to the corner for the tag. The spinebuster gets two on Jericho and Flair is fine enough to start the chopping.

The running enziguri drops Flair to get Jericho out of trouble so it’s back to Orton vs. Batista. Yet another backdrop has Flair in trouble and there’s the powerslam to Batista for two. A double dropkick sends Batista outside so it’s time for Evolution to leave. HHH’s music hits though….and it’s Tajiri, spitting mist instead of water (which the camera misses). Batista gets thrown back inside and with Flair dropkicked to the floor, the parade of finishers begins. The RKO is enough to put Batista away for good.

Rating: D+. Well that certainly happened. It’s fairly clear that Batista and Flair aren’t as good as two former World Champions plus Maven with an assist from Tajiri. In case you were ever wondering about that, you now have your answer. Other than that, the only thing this match made me do is wonder why we never had a HHH vs. Jericho title match around this time. They had a lumberjack match a few weeks ago that barely lasted five minutes and was more about other things than their match. A one off title match, even on a low level pay per view, wouldn’t have been out of the question.

The good guys pose on the stage and Batista shoves Flair down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird one, but it’s a weird time in the company. It’s like they’re trying to change things up a little bit and see what else they can do, which is certainly a welcome move after all the weeks and months of repetitive material. There are new characters and stories, but they’re not particularly good character or stories so far.

Maven being there because of the Tough Enough show being on is I guess supposed to serve as proof that the winners go somewhere, but that’s not exactly helping the fans. I’ll take the new stuff over more of the old though, so we’ll call this an improvement without much of a shelf life.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 13, 2004
Location: KeyArena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Unforgiven and things are back to the normal levels of bleak. In this case, that’s due to HHH winning the World Title again, because Randy Orton had his four week reign and needed to be eradicated once and for all. I’m sure he’ll get some title shots going forward, but it’s pretty clear that his time has already come and gone. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Unforgiven if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Ric Flair, Batista and a bunch of women are in the ring for HHH’s title celebration. Flair introduces the new champ as the confetti falls. Great now it’s going to be all over ringside all night. There’s also a huge cake, which is clearly the kind with a person inside to jump out. HHH says you can feel the excitement in the air because the king is back on his throne. This is the happiest he’s sounded in months, which certainly does make sense for him.

All of the girls kneel in front of him, so HHH says there will be plenty of time for getting on their knees. Normally I’d make a PG joke but the Diva Search girls have made that one sound tame. HHH talks about Orton spitting on him a few weeks back, but now he’s laughing again. Then he spit in the fans’ faces and they can’t even wipe it off because he’s the World Heavyweight Champion.

The girls rip his shirt off but HHH looks at the cake, which he knows has someone inside. Flair and Batista didn’t send it, so it must have been Bischoff. An explosion goes off and of course it’s Orton to take out Evolution. So…..was there a girl in there in the first place and Orton kidnapped her? Or did he just pay off the production people? HHH gets thrown into the hole in the cake, leaving his feet kicking in the air for a funny bit. Not funny enough to validate HHH getting another long promo or another title reign or how obvious the whole thing was, but funny.

It’s so funny that we look at it again after a break. During said break, HHH got out of the cake and kept falling over from the icing.

HHH yells at Bischoff and gets Orton in a handicap match tonight.

Chris Benoit vs. Robert Conway

William Regal comes out to cancel out Sylvan Grenier. Conway jumps him to start so Benoit slides between the legs and goes with the chops. It’s way too early for the Sharpshooter as Conway bails outside for a breather. Back in and Conway snaps off a suplex to take over, meaning we hit the stomping and choking. A neck crank doesn’t last long as Benoit fights up, only to get thrown to the floor almost immediately.

Back in and Benoit hooks a quick small package for two but Conway chokes him right back down. Conway has him in trouble again as Benoit is giving Conway more than he’s ever gotten in his career. Benoit finally fights back with forearms and a snap suplex for two of his own. It’s time to crank things up and Benoit rolls some German suplexes, setting up the Crossface for the win.

Rating: C-. That’s a fine way to go with Benoit, as he made Conway look good for a little while and then won without much effort as soon as he started putting in some effort. Benoit isn’t about to lose to Conway but Conway can get a lot out of just beating on Benoit for a few minutes. Nothing great or even very good, but what we got was fine.

Shelton Benjamin is coming back.

Taboo Tuesday is coming.

Here’s Stacy Keibler for this week’s Diva Search segment, which is a Seattle Slugfest. Molly Holly (with her regular hair) comes out to interrupt instead though and says the girls can have their “sl**” fest later (that’s a major swear from Molly). For right now though, it’s time for the two of them to have a competition of their own, with Stacy getting the pick.

That would be a dance off, but Molly had eight years of ballet classes. She requests to dance to William Regal’s music and does just fine, as expected. Stacy does the kind of dance you would expect from her and seems to be declared the winner. Molly jumps her from behind, drawing in Nidia, Gail Kim, Victoria and Trish Stratus for the big brawl. Bischoff, six woman, bell.

Trish Stratus/Molly Holly/Gail Kim vs. Stacy Keibler/Nidia/Victoria

Joined in progress with the Nidia hitting Trish with a middle rope crossbody. A spinebuster cuts Nidia down for two though and some right hands keep Nidia in trouble. It’s off to Gail as the fans want Stacy, likely due to her barely existing skirt. Gail’s half crab has Nidia screaming until she makes a rope. Molly comes in as Lawler makes jokes about the Diva Search girls boxing later. A neckbreaker takes Gail down and thankfully it’s off to Victoria instead of Stacy. Victoria gets to clean house on her own until Molly ties her in the Tree of Woe. That’s enough for Stacy to tag herself in though and grab a rollup to pin Molly.

Rating: D. What were you expecting here? Stacy has no business being in there and Nidia isn’t exactly good either. That leaves four women to carry a six woman tag and it’s not the easiest thing in the world when one of the women worked most of the match. It wasn’t good, but at least it was short and that’s about as good as it gets.

Kane comes in to Bischoff and wants Shawn Michaels tonight. Bischoff can’t do that as Shawn is booked for the Highlight Reel, so Kane grabs him by the throat. Since Shawn isn’t happening tonight, Kane can fight him any other night. As for tonight, Bischoff will find someone and Kane can have a No DQ match with no questions asked.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Jericho talking about last night’s brutal match but it was all worth it (even the ladder suppository) to get the Intercontinental Title back. That’s a record breaking seven times, which brings him to his guest, who is a former Intercontinental Champion in his own right. This brings out Shawn, who talks about beating Kane even uglier than he was before. Jericho agrees that it was impressive, but not quite as impressive as winning the Intercontinental Title for the SEVENTH TIME.

Actually that’s why Shawn is out here, because they’re neck and neck over the years. They’ve met in Seattle before so let’s do it one more time for the title. Cue Christian and Tyson Tomko with Christian talking about how awesome his career has been. He’s so awesome that he should get the Intercontinental Title shot right now. Shawn says deal, as soon as Christian beat shim. Jericho says not so fast, because he knows what is going to happen.

Everyone knows what’s going to happen and is willing to read the front row’s minds. A lot of fans are really excited to see it but section 53 knows that Tyson Tomko is going to interfere. There’s a kid that knows the solution though: let’s have a tag match! So the kid is the reason we’re not seeing Shawn vs. Christian or Jericho? Someone throw that kid in a closet, cover him in peanut butter and let a trio of rabid squirrels loose.

Christian/Tyson Tomko vs. Shawn Michaels/Chris Jericho

Joined in progress with Shawn chopping away at Christian (with bad ribs) before handing it off to Jericho for a suplex. It’s already back to Shawn to slug away at Tomko in the corner before tripping him down for a basement dropkick. One heck of a clothesline takes Shawn’s head off (Lawler: “PROBLEM SOLVED!”) and the villains take over. JR uses a neck crank to recap the evening (not the worst idea in the world), followed by Christian coming in to stomp away.

A flying forearm gets Shawn out of trouble though and it’s back to Jericho so the pace can pick up. The springboard dropkick puts Tomko on the floor with Christian following him, setting up the big stereo dives. We take a break (allowing me to drool over the idea Shawn and Jericho as a full time team) and come back with Jericho in trouble as Christian slaps on a chinlock with a knee in the back.

Christian’s backbreaker gets two and Tomko pulls on the ribs again. Jericho finally avoids a charge from Christian and the hot tag brings in Shawn to clean house. The top rope elbow hits Tomko but Christian crotches Shawn against the post for a save. Jericho cuts Christian off and it’s Sweet Chin Music to finish Tomko.

Rating: D+. That’s a “well that happened” if I’ve ever seen one. The more talented team won and it’s not like there was anything important happening here. You can’t tease a Shawn vs. Jericho or Shawn vs. Christian match and then go with this lame tag match, but for some reason that’s as good as we can get. Not a terrible match, but quite the downgrade.

Post match Christian gives Shawn the Unprettier on the floor.

Simon Dean, a fitness guru with his own Simon System of weight loss products, is looking forward to helping us lose weight. This is set up like an old commercial for a product, complete with a phone number and payment plan, which gives me some nice flashbacks to the old WCW days.

It’s Diva Search time with Coach hosting. The three come out with JR having to handle the mini bios, making him sound like a very sad man indeed. Joy is eliminated so Christy and Carmella put on the huge boxing gloves. Thankfully Vince McMahon comes out to interrupt and talk about next week being the season premiere of Raw.

Christy hits him low and chokes him down before biting him on the back of the pants. Carmella goes more traditional with rights to the face, one of which knocks Coach down. That means Christy wins, because duh. The winner of the whole thing is announced next week, thank goodness.

Eugene has a very separated shoulder after last week’s attack from HHH.

Kane vs. Gene Snitsky

No DQ. Kane clotheslines him down to start and hits a big boot to the side of the head as Lawler makes fun of JR for not knowing Snitsky. A raised boot in the corner slows Kane down and Snitsky hits those big right hands of his, which start with a big pull back and finish with a bigger follow through. It looks like he’s aiming for Kane’s stomach.

Snitsky hits him low to cut off a chokeslam attempt but Kane kicks him down again. Kane wraps the chair around Snitsky’s throat but Lita gets in and takes it off. That means an argument, allowing Snitsky to chair Kane in the back, sending him right onto Lita. That means a no contest, and likely a miscarriage.

We get the big stretcher job as Lita holds her stomach and Kane tells her that the baby is going to be ok. After a break, we get a BABY KILLER chant, which you don’t get to hear very often.

Smackdown Rebound.

Post break, Kane helps Lita into an ambulance as Stacy and Victoria look on.

Evolution vs. Randy Orton

Flair jumps Orton before the bell so Orton backdrops him down to check off the Bingo square. It’s off to HHH (Not Batista first?) to get punched in the face but Orton slides outside and pulls Batista down onto the apron. Batista comes in legally so Orton slugs away again until a spinebuster takes him down. Now HHH is willing to come in for some shots to the face but the Pedigree is countered with a slingshot, sending HHH crotch first into the buckle. The RKO is loaded up but Batista comes in with the clothesline and that’s a lame DQ.

Post match the beatdown is on until Shelton Benjamin makes his return for the save….and gets beaten down. Benoit makes the real save and Batista takes the beatdown to end the show. Wouldn’t it have been more productive to have those run-ins in reverse? Eh at least the six man should be good.

Overall Rating: D. That ending segment is a perfect compliment to the opener: Orton gets the better of HHH at the beginning and the end, but none of that really matters as HHH is still the champion. That’s not exactly something that makes me want to see where things are going, because things are going in the direction of more HHH on top with HAHA I’M STILL CHAMPION being the big closing line every week. It’s been that way for far too long now and that’s not the right way to make me want to keep watching.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Unforgiven 2004
Date: September 12, 2004
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another case of a one match show, which tends to be the case in the HHH era. In this case it’s HHH getting (another) title shot against Randy Orton, who was thrown out of Evolution last month. It’s not exactly a thrilling concept but there’s no escaping HHH’s title hunts of destiny. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Orton being thrown out of Evolution and trying to become the top face in the company by running away over and over. It’s set to Saliva’s Survival of the Sickest, which was the song that kind of finished me with the band. I’m going to be extra sick of it by the end of the show, but that might just be due to hearing about this match all night long.

Batista/Ric Flair vs. William Regal/Chris Benoit

Benoit and Batista start things off as Lawler hopes Eugene is home watching the radio. An early Crossface attempt sends Batista bailing to the ropes, followed by a quick takedown for the tag off to Regal. A t-bone suplex drops Batista and it’s back to Benoit, who gets chopped by Flair. The backdrop has Flair in more trouble (as always) and it’s Regal coming in, only to have the knee taken out.

Benoit makes a quick save so Batista takes Flair’s place with a chinlock. Regal gets up and sends him into the corner for the break though and it’s a hot (ish) tag to Benoit for the real house cleaning. Everything breaks down with Benoit snapping off German suplexes all around. The Swan Dive connects and the Crossface goes on Flair, drawing in Batista to pick Benoit up for the break. Regal sends Batista over the barricade, leaving Benoit to get the Crossface again to make Flair tap.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the slightest spark to it and felt like they were all just missing. It’s more an issue that I’ve seen them do a variety of combinations with these same people over and over to much better results. Regal getting involved is long overdue and I’m glad to see him getting a chance on the bigger stages like this. Everyone was missing here though, which is going to happen every now and then.

Christian doesn’t want Tyson Tomko to go to ringside with Trish Stratus for the Women’s Title match. It doesn’t matter as Christian has to go to the ring alone so what difference does it make? Tomko gets to decide, so Trish invites him to her dressing room after the match. Tomko to Christian: “Good luck.”

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and has Tomko with him. Victoria takes her down to start and the champ bails to the floor in a hurry. As Lawler makes it clear that Trish is NOT a s***, she sends Victoria into the corner for some choking on the rope. That’s broken up and it’s a gorilla press gutbuster to send Trish outside. Tomko takes her away before Victoria can dive and it’s a posting to keep Victoria down again.

We hit the armbar for a bit, followed by a hair pull as the offense devolves a few levels. The chinlock is broken up so Trish grabs a spinebuster for two, followed by another chinlock to keep things fresh. The comeback doesn’t take long with Victoria fighting up and hitting the spinning side slam. Victoria gets two off the dancing moonsault but goes with a slingshot dive onto Tomko instead of following up. Stratusfaction retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t good and it came after an ice cold build that was more about Christian vs. Trish than anything else, even though Christian only came back less than a week ago. This division is still dying for some fresh talent, but that’s been the case for so long now that it’s a feature instead of a condition. They’re trying, but they have no help in terms of build or interest from anyone.

Post match Tomko goes after Victoria, drawing in Stevie in drag for the save. Stevie leaves and Tomko wants him back out here for a match RIGHT NOW.

Stevie Richards vs. Tyson Tomko

Stevie comes back out as JR says this is the worst kept secret in wrestling. Tomko punches him in the face and we start the removal of clothing, because that’s what this match is really about due to whatever bad ideas Vince was having at the time. The wig goes off as well and Tomko shoves Richards’ implants into his mouth. Some right hands have Richards in more trouble as his bra comes off.

Rating: WIDANF. For Wrestlers in drag are not funny. I don’t get what WWE sees in this idea and I really, really don’t want to. I would love to have someone explain the point of this whole thing to me or why this needed pay per view time. It really does feel like they threw this out there because Vince would find it funny and nothing more. Lucky us.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Christian for the Intercontinental Title. Edge was champion but got injured and had to forfeit the title, setting up this match with Christian replacing Edge in a ladder match for the vacant Intercontinental Title. Christian had been put on the shelf after a match with Jericho so this was a perfectly logical move and about as good as they had given the circumstances.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Ladder match with the title vacant coming in and no one at ringside. They talk some trash to start until Jericho hits a few suplexes. A trip to the floor lets Jericho throw a ladder at him to no avail so Christian scores with some right hands. Back in and Christian chokes on the ropes so Jericho enziguris him right back down. When all else fails, kick the guy in the head. Another ladder is grabbed and slammed into Christian’s ribs but another big show misses.

They fight into the crowd as JR wants to know the difference between a Peep and a Jericholic. Jericho chokes with a cord but gets pulled into an Unprettier on the floor, which should be enough to win just about any match. Here it’s only enough to get a single hand on the title (those ladders are timely) so Christian ladders him down and puts said ladder onto the top turnbuckle. As expected it’s Christian going face first into the steel instead, with JR saying even barbecue sauce couldn’t make that taste good.

Jericho sets the ladder up but goes into it instead, giving us another double knockdown. A catapult sends Jericho face first into a ladder bridged across the middle rope, followed by Jericho shoving one into Christian’s face for another hard shot. Jericho channels his inner Shawn by riding the ladder down onto Christian’s back and the fans are rather pleased. They’re both hurt so Christian ties him in the Tree of Woe in the ladder and hits a running knee instead of, you know, going for the title.

Christian does climb, so Jericho gets out of the corner and flips him off, which is enough to get Christian down. That earns him a dropkick into the ladder into Christian and Christian sandwiches him in between a ladder. The Lionsault only hits ladder though and Jericho’s knee is banged up pretty badly. Christian takes FOREVER to climb though, allowing Jericho to shake the ladder away, leaving Christian hanging from the belt. The ensuing ladder spot to the ribs and crash are rather snazzy and they’re both down again.

Jericho puts the ladder over Christian and goes up but gets shoved down, just barely saving himself from a crash out to the floor. That’s not enough for Christian to grab the title, but it is enough for him to turn around on the ladder so Jericho can get the Walls on top. That’s STILL not enough for the win as Christian pops up and shoves the ladder over, with Jericho landing tailbone first on the side in a nasty crash. It’s time for the jumbo ladder so they head up at the same time, only to have Jericho pull him down for another double crash landing. Jericho finally (and I do mean finally) gets the title for the win.

Rating: C+. WAY too long here with far too many false finishes hurting things. I’ve seen this match a few times before and it’s the same feeling every time: get on with it already. Jericho winning wasn’t exactly a shock and it took too long to get there. I can understand why they were given this much time if Tomko vs. Richards needed that long in the previous match, but that doesn’t make it much better. The match certainly isn’t bad, but a trimmed down version would have been a lot better.

Lita answers Kane’s door and says she hopes Shawn Michaels crushes Kane’s throat tonight. Kane comes out and laughs at her ranting, saying this is now a No DQ match. He’s going to destroy Shawn and Lita has to watch from ringside. We even get a rather forced kiss for luck.

Jericho says he feels like a king. Edge comes up to say he’s coming for the title, because Jericho knows he can’t beat him.

We recap Kane vs. Shawn Michaels. Kane put Shawn on the shelf a few months ago and has since managed to win Lita in marriage. Lita then used an open contract to set up this match with the hopes of Kane getting hurt just as badly. The injury is only brought up at the end, almost as an afterthought.

Kane vs. Shawn Michaels

No DQ and Lita has been dragged out with Kane, which I’m sure won’t go badly at all. Shawn wastes no time in going after him and Kane is knocked out to the floor with some right hands. Kane misses a charge into the post to make it even worse but manages to uppercut him out of the air back inside. Shawn knocks him outside and even skins the cat back inside because he still has it.

That’s enough for a dive and Lita talks some trash, allowing Kane to hide behind her like a true heel should. A shot to the face puts Shawn down and Kane slams him onto (not through) the announcers’ table. The second slam puts him through instead as the slow pace begins. Shawn gets a boot up in the corner but walks right into a side slam to take him down again. We hit the neck crank with Lita playing cheerleader, much to Lawler’s continued confusion.

Another slam sets up another neck crank, followed by a clothesline to stay on the neck. Shawn fights up and grabs a DDT for the required breather, setting up the more required forearm into the nipup. Since it’s just a forearm, Kane sends him over the corner and out to the floor for a ram into the steps. That means some blood but Shawn kicks a chair away. Kane kicks Shawn away as well though and it’s right back to the floor.

Shawn posts him this time around and knocks Kane down with a single right hand. The top rope elbow gets two but a big boot cuts off Sweet Chin Music. Kane nails the top rope clothesline but Shawn low blows his way out of a chokeslam attempt. One heck of a chair shot knocks Kane silly, though he still gets up first. Lita pulls the chair out though and that’s enough for Sweet Chin Music to knock Kane out for the pin.

Rating: B-. Not too bad here and while a rather lengthy eighteen minutes, it didn’t feel long like the previous match. Shawn got his revenge in a violent enough match though it was nothing that we haven’t seen them both do better before. That’s likely it for this mini feud, though you can imagine Kane and Lita continuing for a good while.

Post match Kane yells at Lita, as expected.

Shelton Benjamin is coming back. I didn’t know he left but apparently his last televised match was three months ago. Who knew?

HHH reminds us of how great he is and promises to take Orton out. All of Orton’s success is because of him and tonight, HHH is taking it all away. Somehow this takes the better part of four minutes.

Tag Team Titles: Rhyno/Tajiri vs. La Resistance

La Resistance is defending and hopefully Tajiri is healthy tonight. The challengers charge into the ring with Tajiri not being able to keep up with Rhyno for an unintentionally funny moment. Grenier shoulders Tajiri down for an early two as the announcers argue about being prejudiced. Tajiri is right back up with some armdrags into an armbar. Conway comes in and gets the same treatment so it’s off to Rhyno to miss a charge in the corner. You can see the empty seats now and that’s rather telling about the importance of this match.

Rhyno knocks Conway down and brings Tajiri back in for more kicks. Something like a DDT drops Tajiri and the champs start their cheating ways. A backbreaker keeps Tajiri down as this is as thrilling as you would have expected. The announcers give up trying to make the match sound important and talk about Orton vs. HHH instead.

Tajiri gets up a kick in the corner so Rhyno can clean house again. A belly to belly and spinebuster get two each on Grenier with Conway making the save. The hard kicks from Tajiri have the champs in trouble and the Gore gets two with Conway putting the foot on the rope. The referee isn’t happy, allowing a flag shot to Rhyno to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. Again, the match goes longer than it needs to and loses a lot of the crowd (what little they had of it) in the process. This could have been on any given Raw, though it would have been bad on there too. The build was fine enough, but it’s not like this was ever going to be anything more than a match filling time on a card. It’s a thing that happens on every show, but when it feels like most of the matches on the show are just filling time, it become a major problem.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton, which is all about Orton winning the title that was supposed to belong to HHH. In other words, it’s been a month of “THIS IS MY COMPANY BECAUSE I’M HHH” and a failed attempt to turn Orton into the top face by just having him go against HHH. The problem is that Orton has spent most of his time running from Evolution in a smart but not inspiring move. There isn’t much of a reason to cheer Orton, which is a different situation than booing HHH. The second part is easily accomplished, but it turns into more of no one getting cheered, which isn’t a good place to be.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is challenging. Feeling out process to start with Orton calmly taking him into the corner and slapping him in the face. Lawler says HHH isn’t happy because he made Orton. JR: “Easy there Dr. Evil. I think Mr. and Mrs. Orton had something to do with it.” Point to JR on that one. Orton shakes HHH off and slaps him in the face again, followed by the spitting sequel. There’s a backdrop to make it even worse for HHH and we’re already in the chinlock.

Back up and HHH gets sent outside with Orton following, though JR isn’t sure about the plan. They head back inside in a hurry with HHH nailing a chop block. So much for JR’s analytical skills. An attempt at a crotching around the post sees HHH get pulled face first into the post but it doesn’t stop him from going after the leg. Another chop block keeps Orton down and a knee to the knee in the corner makes it even worse. A leglock goes on for a bit, followed by a facebuster to slow things down a bit more.

Some elbows to the leg set up the Figure Four, which makes a lot of sense in this case. HHH grabs a rope because he knows how to be a villain, though the crowd doesn’t seem to agree with the style here. The referee catches him grabbing the rope though and that means a break, followed by a thorough verbal castration. Orton shoves him into the corner with HHH’s head hitting the post to bust him open. Right hands in the corner stay on the head and Orton’s always good dropkick gets two.

A DDT drops HHH for two more but the sleeper is countered with a belly to back. HHH goes up for the most obvious dive into a raised boot I can remember in a long time to give Orton a breather. The high crossbody gets two and Orton throws him outside. Back in and the RKO is countered into a ref bump as I begin to sigh. Now the RKO connects for no cover as Flair runs in to get punched down. Batista gets in a few shots but misses a charge into the post.

HHH cuts Orton down with a low blow and here’s Coach in a referee shirt for the near fall. The lack of a pop on the kickout is as telling of a sign as you’re going to get. Orton punches Coach down and Batista is right back in with a spinebuster with Coach counting two (better reaction this time, but still not great). Orton backdrops out of a Pedigree and RKO’s Coach (all in one movement for a cool sequence). Flair takes one as well and it’s a low blow to break up the Batista Bomb. HHH is back up though and cracks Orton in the head with a chair. The slow motion Pedigree onto the chair makes HHH champion. Again.

Rating: C+. Well of course he did. It was clear that Orton wasn’t working as a champion (for various reasons) but the fans aren’t going to get behind him as the uncrowned champion after he loses the title to another soul crushing HHH win. It feels like another case of HHH showing everyone who runs Raw because he, yes he, is the only person who can fix all of Raw’s problems despite being a big source of their problems.

The match itself was actually pretty good, albeit slow and with a bad ending. As has been the case with almost everything on the show tonight, it felt like the match was being stretched out for the sake of filling in the show, which isn’t a great feeling about the main event. The crowd didn’t care and that was the case with so much of Orton’s time as champion. If they don’t care about him being champion, they’re not going to care about him losing the title.

JR is disgusted to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Just a completely lifeless show here which never got off the ground, despite some matches being pretty good. The problem here was how little there was to care about, which has been a problem for a long time. It’s felt like a matter of time before HHH got the title back since the second Orton won it and now that’s where we are: right back where we were, waiting on the next big name to challenge him. I’m sure Orton will get a few more chances but it’s not like it’s going to matter for the time being. Orton didn’t work as champion, and now we’re right back where we were before Wrestlemania. Lucky us.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 23, 2004
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for a wedding! The big story on this week’s show is the wedding of Kane and Lita, the latter of whom isn’t exactly thrilled with the whole thing. Other than that there’s the whole removal of Randy Orton from Evolution as HHH turned on him. The problem of course is that doesn’t make him a face as much as it makes him a heel who was attacked by a heel, though I don’t think WWE understands that. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at Orton being thrown out of Evolution.

Opening sequence.

Here are the Diva Search girls in the swimsuits, likely to pop ratings or something. After Lawler points out the lack of blondes remaining, Tracy is eliminated. That brings us to tonight’s challenge: everyone gets two minutes to tell Coach how great he is. Actually let’s make it five minutes…but here’s Rock to interrupt. Yes they’re using THE ROCK on the Diva Search girls. After a quick threat gets rid of Coach, Rock certainly seems to approve of the girls in front of him. He knows they’re all getting wet…..with perspiration from the hot lights above. Maria nearly died from that line.

Rock talks about Lilian Garcia getting fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job as the ad libbing is strong with this one. That brings Rock to Carmella, who he knows everyone hates. After a quick yell at a fan for trying to get attention, Rock talks about everyone hating him back in the day. We get an IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK to Carmella and Rock talks about the ice cream segment from a few weeks back. That wasn’t entertaining though because no one wants to see them eat ice cream.

No they want to see the girls eat pie, so let’s have a pie eating contest. For no apparent reason, Tajiri brings out the pies (some of which have already been eaten). Before the eating begins, Rock asks Tajiri about his pie preferences. That would be “poontong”, which Rock wouldn’t mind trying. Just to keep this long, each one gets twenty seconds to eat pie instead of doing it all at once. Joy goes first and eats the cherry while talking about wanting to see Carmella eat crow. She wants a match with Carmella (Heaven help us) “WWE style”.

Rock admits that that one was bad so it’s off to Amy, who pulls her hair back. You can hear Rock biting his lip to avoid the jokes. Amy slowly licks the whipped cream and this one goes down a lot better. Carmella is up next next and uses her fingers to rub the whipped cream all over herself, plus feed Tajiri a bit. Notice the lack of the women actually eating the pie, save for Amy (and that was mainly the cream).

Maria puts some cream on her nose and licks it off, which Rock deems as talent. Christy goes last and sits on the pie instead. With that mess out of the way, Coach brings out La Resistance to interrupt. Is it still an interruption when there’s nothing going on? The beatdown is on until Rhyno runs in to save Rock and Tajiri. You know, because Rock needed help from these three. Coach gets beaten down for the only entertaining part of the thing.

This was horrible and ran over twenty minutes with Rock clearly not caring in the slightest. It was obvious that he wasn’t interested and I can’t blame him. They brought him back for the first time in months for this? The Diva Search is just dumb and some midcard goon could have done this just fine. I believe this is Rock’s last live appearance on Raw until 2011 and they used him as a host for an unfunny, uninteresting segment with women who are competing to be eye candy. Can you blame him for staying in Hollywood?

A whistling Kane, in his ring gear, arrives, carrying his tuxedo over his shoulder.

Long recap of Orton vs. Benoit from last week and the ensuing beatdown from Evolution.

Evolution has a meeting in the back and Flair asks if Orton will really do it. HHH says they’re in charge of Orton’s destiny.

Kane comes in to see Lita and says nothing will stop their perfect wedding. It’s an all white affair to signify the purity of their child so he pulls out a white dress for her. It’s a nice day for a white wedding.

Hokey smoke a match!

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Edge is defending and bails to the rope to get out of an early hammerlock. Jericho knocks him outside and we take an early break. Heaven forbid we see wrestling on this show. Back with Jericho fighting out of a chinlock and catching Edge with a spinwheel kick. The top rope back elbow gets two but Jericho’s spinning middle rope crossbody is countered into a DDT. A quick rollup gives Edge the pin, though Jericho’s foot was in the ropes so let’s keep this going.

Back from a break with Jericho elbowing him in the face for two and choking in the corner. The running enziguri sets up the running bulldog but the Lionsault (after a running start) misses and Jericho jams his knee. The Edge-O-Matic gets two and Edge spears him off the apron for a crash into the barricade. Back in and Jericho rolls through a high crossbody for two of his own, followed by the Walls to send Edge bailing to the ropes. Back up and Edge crotches him on top….for the DQ. Yeah it’s one of those matches and that doesn’t make it any better.

Rating: C-. This was off by a few steps but even that level for these two is certainly watchable. The finish was stupid though, which is one of the biggest eye roll inducing moments that you can have. I don’t know how much I want to see another match between them but they’re doing enough good at the moment to warrant a rematch.

Post match Edge spears him down and is surprised by the DQ. Fair enough there.

Here’s Evolution for Orton’s ultimatum. HHH doesn’t believe that life is predetermined so there are consequences to every action. Take Randy Orton, who doesn’t want to be a failure like his father and grandfather. Orton was allowed to associate with the best of the best, but then he made a decision to go out there for himself and take the World Title instead of softening Benoit up.

That title is HHH’s but Orton was out here with all the ballyhoo (yes BALLYHOO) and then he faced the consequences. Tonight it’s time for Orton to make another choice: he can hand HHH the World Title and lay down so Evolution can walk away from him. On the other hand, Orton can keep trying this fighting against Evolution thing and face more consequences. This brings out Orton so HHH can tell him to lay down.

A referee comes out and HHH grabs the belt but Orton doesn’t let go. Instead he spits in HHH’s face and runs away before Evolution can kill him. Now if they had done that last week, they could have been there. It feels like they’re trying to do fix things after Orton got destroyed last week, though not without HHH getting to talk about how awesome he is first.

Victoria is yelling at Eric Bischoff about the wedding when HHH storms in and demands retribution. The title match is set for Unforgiven. You can hear the groan from the arena.

William Regal vs. Ric Flair

Eugene is back and in Regal’s corner. This is fallout from Regal knocking Flair cold with the brass knuckles at Summerslam. Regal goes with the cravate to start and Regal can’t do much to get out. Some chops in the corner have Regal in trouble but the uppercuts slow Flair down all over again. Another cravate takes Flair down (how British of Regal) as JR lists off Batista’s statistics. Imagine how JR would be if Batista had played college football too. They head outside with Flair taking a backdrop on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Flair dropping a knee on the head and chopping Regal down. As King suggests that Kane get Lita some edible underwear for the honeymoon, Regal comes back with more strikes to the face and Flair gets slammed off the top. Flair is right back with the Figure Four with an assist from Batista, so Eugene comes in to turn it over. As Eugene beats up Batista (erg), here’s Chris Benoit for the same. Eugene is sent into the post (good) as Flair and Regal pull out brass knuckles. Regal’s punch is faster though and Flair is out for the pin.

Rating: C. This took some time to get going and the ending was fine, assuming you ignore Eugene being able to go toe to toe with Batista like that. There’s only so much you can get out of a match like this but Regal is rolling along with this new push. It’s almost like he’s perfect for an angry guy who likes to fight. Now if only this can go somewhere.

Smackdown Rebound.

The Diva Search girls are in the back for the voting information. Thankfully they don’t waste arena time with this.

Lita is in the wedding dress and breaks a mirror.

The ring is prepared for the wedding, because that always goes so well.

Kane is in a white tuxedo, which oddly works for him.

It’s time for the wedding, starting with some small people as the flower girl and….I guess usher. Kane comes out and kisses the flower girl on the cheek, followed by Lita in a black wedding dress. The minister says someone wants to speak and Lita gets her hopes up but it’s Eric Bischoff, also in a white tuxedo. He has a podium on the stage and reads a passage from the Bible, talking about how the best is yet to come. In a rather weird moment, the fans WHAT the Bible.

The minister says this is clearly a unique relationship and we see a video prepared by Kane, chronicling the entire thing. It’s exactly what you would expect, though this is already starting to drag. Minister: “Uh…..moving on.” Kane has written his own vows and says he originally saw her as a vessel and nothing more. Now she is his property and will do whatever he says. There is no escape and Lita is with him until the day she dies. As the minister looks ready to have a stroke, Lita talks about always loving Matt Hardy and praying every day that Kane is in a horrible accident that kills him instantly. Kane: “That was lovely.”

We get to the “if there is anyone here” line and Lita is almost begging for Matt to come out here. Instead here’s Trish Stratus in white lingerie (….well that works) to be Lita’s maid of honor. She knew Lita couldn’t wear white because she knew Lita couldn’t. Trish knows Lita can be happy if she opens her heart, just like she opened her legs. The fight is on with Kane breaking it up and it’s time to get on with things.

Lita swallows hard and says I do. It’s Kane’s turn but Matt Hardy runs in through the crowd and the fight is on. Kane moves quite well for someone in a white tuxedo. Matt gets the better of it but a wall of fire prevents he and Lita from leaving. That’s enough for Kane to chokeslam Matt off the stage and the minister marries them. Kane kisses her and carries Lita off to end the show.

WAY too long here with the whole thing dragging. Save for the snappy fashion sense (Kane and Trish in particular), this could have had a good ten minutes trimmed off. Oh and that’s the last time you’ll see Matt for nearly a year as he had a really bad knee and was released while recovering.

Overall Rating: D. Did the wrestlers just take a week off here? There was the WAY too long Rock/Diva Search segment, the HHH/Orton segment (better, but still long), the eternally long wedding and two matches, neither of which were very good. That’s your two hours of Raw this week and egads it was a rough one to watch. I don’t know if this was them trying something new or just not thinking it out, but it really didn’t work, to put it mildly. Hopefully next week is better because this was a big miss.

I’ve actually done this one before so here’s the original if you’re interested:

Monday Night Raw – August 23, 2004: Unlike Anything I’ve Ever Seen

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 16, 2004
Location: Labatt Center, London, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Summerslam has come and gone, meaning Randy Orton is the new Raw World Champion. That’s quite the spot for someone as young as he is but it’s WAY past the time that we need a new top heel. The few seconds it took me to write that out are about as much time as I believe Orton will get to enjoy this before HHH, fresh off his mammoth, colossal win over Eugene, decides it’s his show again. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s new World Champion Randy Orton, rocking the heck out of a suit and holding the title as confetti and balloons fall. Orton talks about how no one thought he could do it last night. He survived the Crossface, the Sharpshooter and six straight German suplexes. Now he’s right here in front of you as the youngest WWE Champion in history, meaning more posing. Orton has every 24 year old male stand up and says that’s what the average one looks like.

Now he wants them all to take off their shirts (Orton: “Females you can catch up with me later.”), which makes Orton cringe a bit. It’s true in America too and there’s no way around reality: he is just better than everyone else. Get used to the sight of Orton holding the title while wearing a $3000 suit because the Randy Orton Era has just begun. Cue Chris Benoit and I think you know where this is going. Indeed, Benoit says he’s cashing in his rematch clause tonight and the title is on the line.

Rhyno vs. Sylvan Grenier

If Rhyno wins, he and Tajiri get a Tag Team Title shot at Unforgiven. If Grenier wins, they never get a shot. Rhyno tries for the fast rollup as the confetti continues to fall. A Conway distraction lets Grenier take over, followed by a flag shot to Tajiri on the floor. Grenier takes him down with a flap jack and drops a knee for two before putting on the chinlock. Rhyno fights up and hits the powerslam for two of his own but Conway’s distraction slows things down again. Tajiri has finally had it and mists Grenier, setting up the Gore for the pin.

Rating: D. So they set up a pretty obvious finish and then went straight there after a boring match. La Resistance is still fine for what they’re doing, but they’re not exactly good at lighting up the crowd. Rhyno and Tajiri are perfectly acceptable challengers of the month and that’s enough to keep things along until a good team can take the belts.

Kane and Lita’s wedding is next week with Kane reading an invitation.

Lawler thinks this is hilarious and JR has to yell at him to shut up.

We recap Kane beating Matt Hardy last night to win Lita’s hand in marriage. Still sounds weird no matter how you put it.

Lita is devastated so some of the meaner Divas give her a bridal shower. Molly says that since Lita likes to sleep around, here are some birth control pills and condoms, complete with a singing of the Trojan Man jingle. Gail has a framed picture of Lita and Kane’s first kiss, plus another composite picture of what the baby should look like. Finally, a vibrator (not shown of course but the box shakes) because reasons. I know it’s going to be awhile but they’re doing a good job of making me want to see Lita kill Trish. Lita leaves and Victoria comes in so Trish can yell at her for losing Diva Dodgeball. Victoria slaps her like she should.

Shawn Michaels is coming back and the video gets booed. Canada of course.

Victoria vs. Gail Kim

Victoria starts with a monkey flip into the dancing moonsault for two. A trip to the floor lets Gail get in a few shots to take over as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled. Gail slaps on a Black Widow and takes it to the mat for a little twist on the move. With the match not really being thrilling, the fans go with a YOU SCREWED BRET chant at Earl Hebner to fulfill their requirements. Victoria pops back up and hits Widow’s Peak for the pin.

Rating: D+. That freaky Black Widow alone is enough to bring this up a notch. The rest of the match wasn’t anything to see but in theory this helps set Victoria up as the next challenger to Trish. Gail is at least getting better in the ring, though her charisma still has a long way to go.

Post match Trish and Tyson Tomko come in for the beatdown but the mystery woman (who the fans at home can tell is Stevie Richards and who the fans in the arena can tell is Stevie Richards but who leaves the announcers clueless) comes in for the save.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Edge

Kane is challenging as a wedding present from Bischoff. As a bonus, Kane dedicates this match to Lita in that creepy voice of his. Kane shoves him down to start but misses a big boot, allowing Edge to go after the knee. Edge stays on the leg as Jerry wants Kane and Lita to take a camera along with them on their honeymoon. A standing Figure Four around the post as JR thinks Kane and Lita are registered at Satan R Us for a small chuckle. Lita comes out to watch and we take a break.

Back with Kane hitting a hot shot and slapping on the chinlock. JR continues to rant about the wedding and thank goodness this isn’t the modern commentary team, which would have turned this into a string of insults against each other as they say everyone is stupid. Edge, with confetti on his back, fights up and knocks Kane down with a running forearm.

A basement dropkick puts Kane on the apron and a spear sends him to the apron. Back in and a missile dropkick gives Edge two as Lawler talks about Kane really being the Big Red Machine. Kane goes up top and shoves Edge into the referee but hits the top rope clothesline anyway. Cue Matt Hardy for a Twist of Fate, allowing Edge to hit the spear to retain.

Rating: D+. This hasn’t exactly been a strong night for wrestling. The Kane vs. Lita/Matt story is becoming oddly intriguing and a wedding is always worth something. I’m not sure how much further they can take it but some stories are only supposed to go so far. You need some soap opera style stuff sometimes and this is one of the more entertaining versions.

Post match Lita stays in the ring for some reason and Kane says nothing can make him mad right now. He’s looking forward to consummating the marriage so Lita slaps him. That’s how he likes it though. JR: “Of God almighty no.”

It’s Diva Search time with the girls together in the back. This week, they all got to say which contestant they would vote off and why. These are pre-taped and shown on a monitor.

Michelle would vote off Carmella because she’s busy and only wants another contract rather than a WWE career.

Christy would vote off Carmella because she doesn’t want it.

Maria would vote off Carmella because she doesn’t put the effort in and “acts like a dish rag”.

Tracy would vote off Carmella because she’s not excited enough to be here.

Carmella would vote off Joy she has a husband and babies so it might be hard to make this work.

Amy would vote off Carmella because she doesn’t want to be here and has laughed at the tests. So she’s just like the audience?

Joy would vote off Carmella because she hasn’t been a team player and missed Diva Dodgeball.

Chris Jericho vs. Batista

Flair is here with Batista, who starts with the power in the form of shoulders in the corner. An early comeback is cut off by a Flair trip and Batista forearms Jericho in the back. Jericho is right back with a dropkick and an enziguri into the ropes. A chop block looks to set up the Walls but Batista powers out without much effort. Instead of going after him again, Jericho dropkicks Flair off the apron instead. Flair is fine enough to break up the Lionsault for the DQ though.

Rating: D+. My goodness Orton vs. Benoit better be incredible to make up a lot of the mess so far. Batista isn’t quite as dominant as he was before Summerslam but at least he didn’t take a fall here. Jericho is kind of floating around at the moment and needs something to do, but I’m thinking he’ll be fine no matter what he does.

Post match the beatdown is on with Edge coming out for the save but stopping at ringside instead of getting in. Interesting indeed.

Divas in bikinis again.

HHH tells Orton how important the title is. Anyone would give their arm to get a shot at the title and Orton won it last night. Evolution will be there for the post match celebration.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending and wears the title for an always appreciated visual. Benoit jumps him before the bell and starts in a hurry. A quick elbow drop keeps Orton down, setting up a belly to back suplex for the first two. Orton sends him outside to no avail and gets caught in a release fisherman’s suplex back inside.

A top rope superplex gives Benoit a delayed two and it’s time for more chops. They fall out to the floor and Benoit drops him knee first onto the steps. Back from a break with Orton in the Sharpshooter and finally making the rope for the save, with the fans exhaling all at once. Orton’s knee is fine enough to knock Benoit to the floor for a much needed breather. Benoit gets posted and it’s time to start in on the neck. That of course means the chinlock for a good while before the over the shoulder neckbreaker gets two.

Benoit fights out of the next chinlock with a neckbreaker and they’re both down. Orton’s backbreaker puts Benoit right back down but he misses the high crossbody. The Swan Dive knocks both of them silly and gives Benoit a delayed two as you can tell the fans are into this one. Benoit’s rolling German suplexes set up the Crossface so here’s Evolution for the distraction. That’s enough for the RKO to retain the title.

Post match Evolution celebrates with Orton and puts him on Batista’s shoulders as HHH gives him the thumbs up. That turns into a thumbs down though and Batista drops Orton back so the beatdown can be on. Orton is wrecked and busted open, with HHH holding the title in his face and yelling to end the show. It’s a good angle, even if it’s more HHH greatness. The story makes sense, but my goodness I could go for a break from HHH at the top of the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event and post match angle helped but there was nothing leading up to that. You would think there would have been something a little bit better coming off of Summerslam but at least we got one really good thing. The wedding should be a lot more entertaining next week though and if you couple that with a solid followup from Orton (we should be so lucky), things will be a lot better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

It’s almost hard to believe that we’re here. Over the years, women’s wrestling has been up and down (ok mostly down) in WWE with a long history of treating the women as sideshow attractions who were lucky to get three minutes a week. Things have gotten a little better over the last few years though, and now we’re coming up on a full women’s pay per view. There’s a lot of good stuff on the show, and that makes for an interesting card. Let’s get to it.

Bayley/Sasha Banks/Natalya vs. Riott Squad

I’m not sure what it says that Banks and Bayley could only make it onto this show by continuing their eternal feud with the Riott Squad. It isn’t so much that the feud has been bad but it’s gone on for so many months with nothing changing that you wonder what the point is in having it continue. Oh and now Natalya is there, because that’s the spark of life that an already dead feud needs.

I’ll take the Squad here, as the division is going to need some strong names built up to challenge the champ going forward. Ruby Riott may not be the biggest star in the world but she’s someone who could be built up for a Royal Rumble title shot and that’s more than you could say for most of the women here. Maybe Banks, but really this should be about getting the Squad some momentum back so the leader can look stronger in the future.

Mae Young Classic Finals: Toni Storm vs. Io Shirai

This is one that I keep going back and forth on as you really could pick either side and have a strong case. Shirai was the big signing of this year’s tournament and the kind of star that doesn’t come around all that often. At the same time though, Storm is the kind of person that doesn’t come around very often and could be the focal point of the division for a very, very long time. There’s no bad way to go there.

I’ll go with Storm though, as Shirai doesn’t need any kind of a win to come off like the huge star. Storm came close to winning the tournament last year and another loss in the clutch would hurt her. She’s also likely to be a big part of the NXT UK division and having her start off with a big win to help establish the women’s division over there would be a good idea. You could go either way here, but I’ll take Storm as she needs the win a little more.

NXT Women’s Title: Kairi Sane(c) vs. Shayna Baszler

If I was confused by the previous one, I’m downright not sure here. These two have been feuding since last year’s Mae Young Classic and that’s the kind of feud that could be blown off here. Sane is definitely growing into a top star and someone that could be a featured piece of the division for a long time but Baszler is awesome in her own right and it wouldn’t shock me to see her get the title back.

That being said, I think Sane retains here because Baszler is ready to move up to the main roster. As mentioned earlier, they’re going to need some challengers for the Raw Women’s Title and who better to challenge Ronda Rousey than a fellow former UFC fighter? Sane can move on and face one of the half dozen challengers that exist down in NXT, with Bianca Belair near the top of the list. Sane retains here, mainly because there’s nothing left for Baszler down in NXT.

Battle Royal

This is a case where it’s hard to say for sure who is going to win because there’s a good chance of a bunch of surprise entrants. The lineup is pretty awful for the most part as several of the legends are likely to have quick cameos before leaving, such as Torrie Wilson who has no business in a match like this (or a match at all) in the first place. Then you have the names who are actual realistic winners….all four of them or so.

I’ll go with Asuka winning here, which is probably more false hope than anything else. You really just have her, Nia Jax, Ember Moon and Naomi as realistic winners. We’ve been there with Jax for a good chunk of the year, Moon has no momentum, and Naomi has been floating around for months. That being said, the same was true of Naomi going into the WrestleMania battle royal. I’ll take Asuka and kind of hope for the best, as there’s always the chance that someone gets this to set up a one off title match which isn’t exactly interesting.

Trish Stratus/Lita vs. Alicia Fox/Mickie James

Alas, this one took a big hit when Alexa Bliss was held out due to what seems to be a concussion. The whole story was build on Bliss being a jerk to the legends and now there’s nothing for her to do other than stand around at ringside. Fox is the logical replacement but egads what a downgrade that sucks the life out of the match. James vs. Stratus would have been better in this spot, but I get why they went with the tag route instead.

Of course I’m going with the legends as there’s no reason to go with Fox and James. The whole point of this is to showcase Stratus and Lita and there’s nothing wrong with that. Fox can take the pin and we can set up Bliss vs. Stratus down the line. The wrestling isn’t the main focus here and that’s fine. Odds are the legends are going to be a little rusty, but the fans aren’t likely to care in the first place. Just let them have fun and do their thing, which should be fine.

SmackDown Women’s Title: Becky Lynch(c) vs. Charlotte

Last Woman Standing. I’m not sure what to make of this one as the feud has been going on for several months now and this feels like it should be the blowoff, but but I’m not sure it WWE is ready to wrap it up just yet. Lynch has been on a roll and there’s a real argument that this should headline the show, but neither of them are on a reality show and therefore it wouldn’t make sense to feature them on a show that has been purchased no matter what is closing it out.

I’ll go with Lynch retaining here, though I wouldn’t be surprised to see this go to a draw so they can have ONE MORE MATCH, probably at Tables, Ladders And Chairs. In theory Lynch should win here and hold the title for a long time, but WWE loves putting the title on Charlotte. In theory they need to build her back up for a showdown with Rousey at WrestleMania, but that’s what the women’s Royal Rumble is fr. Lynch should win here, but watch out for that draw.

Raw Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey(c) vs. Nikki Bella

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I don’t want to see this match. I can’t stand the Bella Twins for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that I get sick of hearing about how they’re legends and made the term Diva mean something, when they’re only legends in WWE’s minds and a few generations before them did more for the term than they could ever hope to. I could go on for another few hours about the two of them but I think you get the idea.

Normally I’d say OF COURSE Rousey retains here, but I’ll settle for she retains in theory, as you never can tell when WWE might decide to push the heck out of the Bellas all over again. There’s no reason this match should go longer than about four minutes but I’m sure the power of the Bellas will be more than enough to balance out the real life female fighter, because the Bellas are known for their martial arts abilities. I mean, Nikki is undefeated against shirts that she tears during her stripper entrance on the way to the ring that has apparently inspired millions of girls (inspired them to do what to be determined).

Overall Thoughts

I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of this show when it was announced and the build up to it hasn’t done me any favors. The matches are mostly just there and the main event makes my head hurt for a variety of reasons. You can also pen in Stephanie McMahon coming out to bless the show or talk about how they all did it together, which is of course code for “I did this and make sure to get my good side for the news piece about it.” The show sounds like a cool idea on paper, but as usual, WWE has taken away a lot of the fun involved and turned it into just another show that may or may not exceed some limited expectations.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 17, 2004
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 5,600
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re less than a month away from Bad Blood and we need a card. That can get started tonight with the naming of a new #1 contender, who will be crowned in a battle royal. The winner gets a shot at Chris Benoit and while HHH seems very interested in winning, Shawn Michaels is likely to be lurking around. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Fallout from Trish being horrible to Lita last week and pretending Kane was coming. Trish feigns an apology and gets punched in the face several times. A missed charge lets Trish take her down by the hair but is back with right hands and a headscissors. Trish hot shots her down and chokes a bit, though does stop to sneer at the referee. The announcers debate Trish’s levels of wholesomeness as the Chick Kick is blocked into a rollup for two.

Lita fights out of a chinlock but gets spinebustered back down into the same hold. That earns Trish some suplexes (Lita isn’t a chinlock fan) and a reverse Twist of Fate but here’s Kane on the screen. A few mentions of her name are enough for Trish to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. The always stupid ending didn’t help things but they were trying for the most part. These two work well together and feel like the biggest match in the division, but they haven’t hit the level you would be expecting from two legends like them. That being said, compare it to Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie from the previous night and you get some more of the praise.

Post match Kane says he wants Lita’s yes or no tonight.

Here’s Randy Orton for a chat. He beat Mick Foley twice and then last week he beat Edge. Tonight, he’s going to beat Benoit and Edge to become a double champion. However, tonight is all about Evolution and HHH, because HHH is winning the battle royal with Orton’s help. Orton says there is no stopping Evolution and HHH but here’s Shelton Benjamin to disagree (With his music saying there’s actually no stopping him rather than Evolution. I guess he thought Orton was confused.).

How can HHH be the best when Benjamin has beaten him twice? Orton says it was luck and one day, luck would run out. Shelton is no match for either himself or HHH but Shelton doesn’t see it that way. The challenge is thrown out but Orton says no, because he’s not soiling the title by defending it against the likes of him. Shelton beats him up for a few seconds until Ric Flair comes down and gets Orton out.

William Regal is congratulating Eugene on his win last week when Eugene steals his nose. Regal: “Very good now can I have it back?” Eugene wants another match when Eric Bischoff comes up to talk to Regal. As Eugene plays with whatever he can find in a bucket (including two bowling pins and a fire extinguisher), Regal apologizes for not having Eugene lose last week. Bischoff has an idea for Eugene tonight and all Regal has to do is make sure he’s at ringside for an interview alone. Regal seems interested, though also concerned

We look back at Shawn Michaels attacking HHH last week and getting suspended. I’m sure that’s going to stick.

Kane vs. Val Venis

Val slugs away to start but can’t get a Russian legsweep. Kane misses an elbow but hits a big boot into a chokeslam for the pin in a hurry.

Post match Matt Hardy runs in and goes off on Kane but gets kicked in the face when trying a chair shot. That means another chokeslam and Kane ties him in the Tree of Woe for some choking with a cord. Kane wraps the chair around Matt’s throat and stands on it instead of stomping but Lita runs out for the save. She says yes, even though we don’t know the question yet. Kane puts his arms around her and whispers something in her ear before leaving with a smile.

There was a voter registration drive earlier today.

Tag Team Titles: Edge/Chris Benoit vs. Randy Orton/Batista

Orton and Batista are challenging and have Flair with him. Edge’s headlock doesn’t get him very far on Orton so he tries it again. Some forearms work a bit better and Orton is taken into the corner so Benoit can slug away as well. Orton does the same thing to Benoit though and it’s off to Batista so the big man can take over. Some forearms and chops get Benoit out of trouble and Edge comes back in for the chinlock. Everything breaks down in a hurry and the champs clear the ring as we take a break.

Back with Orton cranking on an armbar and Batista coming in to take his place. A hard clothesline gives Batista two, followed by Orton slapping on another armbar. Edge fights up and forearms away with the good arm (smart man), followed by the Edge-O-Matic for two. It’s finally off to Benoit to pick up the pace a good bit, including a snap suplex to Orton. A backbreaker gets two but Benoit turns his back on Orton to slug it out with Batista.

Everything breaks down as Benoit tries to get the Sharpshooter and Orton is sent into Batista. The referee gets bumped and Batista gets sent outside, leaving Orton to take the rolling German suplexes. Flair sends in the Intercontinental Title to block the Swan Dive for a close two and Orton gets in a great shocked look. Edge is back up and spears Orton into Flair off the apron, setting up the Crossface to make Orton tap to retain the titles.

Rating: B. We’re almost getting to a Smackdown Six (or whatever number it is) kind of situation around here with one very good tag match after around. It’s so refreshing to have a 15-20 minute match almost guaranteed to be very entertaining on a weekly basis. Good wrestling can solve a lot of your problems and that’s what’s happening here.

Regal gives Eugene some last second pointers about projecting his voice. Eugene: “Do re mi fa sol la Tito Santana!” I love this guy! Regal isn’t going out there with him and tells Eugene he has to be a man. Eugene: “Are you trying to tell me something?” Regal almost spills the beans about Bischoff but controls himself, albeit while looking disgusted with himself.

Here’s Eugene (to a very nice reaction) for the interview with Todd Grisham (Looking even more toolish than usual this week. Get a suit boy.) but Coach cuts them off. Coach is going to be handling the interview and won’t let Eugene get an answer in. He talks about people laughing at him last week and Eugene is sad. These people like making fun of him like they’re booing him right now. He even smells bad!

No one here is Eugene’s friend and he’s probably never even had a girlfriend either. Now Eugene needs to get out of the ring and go back to wherever he came from and tell his friends that he’s a failure. Oh hang on, because he doesn’t have any friends. A very sad Eugene goes to leave….and here’s the Rock.

Coach panics as Rock poses and then says Eugene isn’t going anywhere. But what if he wants a hot pretzel? After FINALLY, Rock wants to know how Coach can talk about the people. There’s only one man who knows the people and he thinks the people like Eugene. Eugene greatly approves when they chant his name so Rock has them do it again. Now, Coach will never be Eugene’s friend but Rock would love to be friends.

That confuses Rock, but apparently HHH and Eugene both like to play games. Rock isn’t happy with that because HHH only likes to play Hide The Strudel. Rock: “Lilian you know about that right?” Maybe we could play a game right here and the object is for Eugene to beat Coach up.

Garrison Cade of all people runs in and gets punched all the way out of the deep water that is way over his head. The Rock Bottom sets up a People’s Elbow from Eugene to really hammer this home. Eugene even gets to do Rock’s pose, although with one foot on the bottom rope ala Foley.

That’s one of the best one night rubs you’ll ever see. Notice what Rock has done in three of his recent comebacks: let Hurricane pin him, gave Randy Orton a heck of a rub and then this with Eugene. Then HHH beat Hurricane three weeks later and Eugene and Orton later in the year, cutting the legs off of all three. But at least Rock tried and this was a great segment.

Smackdown Rebound, mostly looking at the TV show and a quick look at the PPV main event.

Battle Royal

HHH, Maven, Kane, Randy Orton, Edge, Chris Jericho, Batista, Steven Richards, Hurricane, Rosey, Rhyno, Ric Flair, Shelton Benjamin, Johnny Nitro, Val Venis, Garrison Cade, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway

The winner gets Benoit at Bad Blood and there are only eighteen people here instead of twenty. Everyone but Kane goes after Evolution to start but it’s Richards and Nitro out early on. Kane dumps out Rosey as well as they’re clearing the ring out pretty fast this time. Hurricane gets tossed onto Rosey but his feet never touch the floor.

Back from a break with 28 arms remaining as Conway was eliminated during the commercial. HHH eliminates Maven and Venis but needs Batista to save him from Jericho. Speaking of Jericho, he gets rid of Grenier, and Cade as we have ten left. Evolution of course works together and stomps Rhyno down before tossing him out. Hurricane is eliminated next but Jericho dropkicks HHH as we take a second break.

Back again with the same eight left and Jericho bulldogging HHH down. Flair puts Jericho in the Figure Four (Lawler: “I think he just wants to punish Jericho.”) for a few seconds as Batista saves Orton from being tossed. Jericho is back up and clotheslines Flair out but Batista throws him over the top, with his knees crashing into the steps on the way out. Egads that looked terrible and hopefully he’s not hurt.

Shelton skins the cat to stay alive and HHH’s facebuster has no effect on Kane. That earns HHH a chokeslam, followed by one each to everyone not named Batista. The big slugout is on with Batista escaping the chokeslam and hitting a spinebuster. Edge is back up with a clothesline to get rid of Batista and a bunch of spears but Orton low bridges him to the floor. So we’re down to Benjamin, HHH, Kane and Orton and it’s Orton up first.

Now it’s Shelton’s turn to clean house until a HHH knee to the face cuts him off. Benjamin gets sent to the apron but hangs on by a hand, then by a leg. For some reason, HHH pulls him back in and gets rewarded by a run up the ropes into a high crossbody that takes Orton down as well. There’s the Dragon Whip to Kane and Shelton eliminates Orton (there’s a Bad Blood title match) to get us down to three. HHH low blows Kane to break up a chokeslam attempt and gets rid of Benjamin himself. Cue Michaels to run in and beat up HHH, including a clothesline for the elimination to give Kane the win.

Shawn bails into the crowd as HHH screams to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Storyline advancement, two quite good matches, storylines that make sense and a few that make you wonder where they’re going and nothing that went on longer than it needed to. It’s a well done wrestling show and you don’t get that on Tuesdays at all anymore. Why WWE can’t get at least a decent show out of both rosters but they’re still not pulling it off here. At least Raw is awesome though and this was one of the best in a long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 17, 2003
Location: SE Texas Arena, Beaumont, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Survivor Series and that means we’re on the way to Armageddon to end the year. Eric Bischoff is back in full control of the show as Steve Austin’s team lost last night. I’m sure we’ll NEVER see him again. Goldberg is still the Raw World Champion too, having dispatched Evolution on a bad ankle. Why do I have a feeling that the HHH feud is far from over though? Let’s get to it.

Here’s Survivor Series if you need a recap.

Austin’s face comes up at the end of the opening and Bischoff spray paints it out. Not bad for a chuckle.

We hear Austin’s post match speech from last night, complete with photos and clips of his career, all the way back to 1989. The shot closes on the two beer cans Austin left in the ring.

In the arena, Bischoff and his team from last night look down on the same beer cans, which Eric stomps on. Those who have supported him are in for some good times but for those against him, it’s the beginning of the end. Each member of his team gets a special favor, good for anything anytime (within reason).

Cue the rest of Evolution with HHH congratulating Bischoff on his victory last night. The thing is though, it was Evolution that gave Bischoff the win. Without them, Austin would still be in charge. Bischoff agrees, so HHH can have a rematch with Goldberg any time. In a bizarre line, HHH says that’s “very white” of Bischoff (HHH to Long and Henry: “No offense guys.”). HHH blames the sledgehammer for the loss and instead of a title match tonight, we’ll have a 3-1 handicap match with Goldberg facing Evolution minus Flair. Bischoff says that’s the bottom line.

Booker T. vs. Mark Henry

Booker wastes no time in hammering away but some hard forearms knock him backwards in a hurry. A kick to the chest rocks Henry but one heck of a clothesline takes care of that. They’re already doing things right with Henry here: have Henry stand in the middle while the more talented guy does his thing and bounces off of Henry. A sleeper brings Henry down to a knee until he powers Booker into the corner. Booker gets run over for good measure and Henry stands on his chest. Again: using the power game in simple, effective way is what serves Henry best.

We hit the neck crank for a bit until Henry misses a charge in the corner. Booker kicks away and the ax kick FINALLY puts Henry down. The missile dropkick does it again but Henry counters a third kick into a powerslam for two. Henry tries another charge into the corner, only to get rolled up with Booker putting his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not too shabby at all here with Booker knowing how to get the best out of Henry. I know he gets a lot of flack and a lot of it is deserved but Henry has a role that few can play. Let him do his thing like this (maybe winning a match here or there) and it might get him somewhere. That’s a good asset to have when you need to give someone a rub down the line.

La Resistance vs. Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade

There’s no graphic behind Cade and Jindrak’s names for some reason. The Americans clean house to start and for some reason, Cade is allowed to talk. He brings up his fellow Texans and dedicates the match to the armed forces (well to be fair it’s been like a week). Those are fighting words so we’re ready to go.

Back in and Conway scores with a hurricanrana as JR recaps the night. We’re not even half an hour into the show so it’s a bit early for a recap. A throat snap across the top rope gives Conway two on Jindrak but he suplexes Dupree out of the corner. Cade comes in to clean house and a very hard clothesline gets two on Dupree. The dropkick/spinebuster combination puts Conway away. The match was barely long enough to rate and the promo was after the bell. Not much to this one of course, but at least the rookies got a clean win for a change.

Shawn Michaels has something to say about the loss last night but Bischoff cuts the interview. Shawn talks about everything that went down last night and said it was about doing the right thing. All Bischoff cares about is the power but Bischoff says he didn’t lose last night like Michaels did. For tonight, Shawn is ejected from the building.

Stills of the ambulance match, which again made Shane look like a bigger star than most of the roster.

Kane will be on Smackdown to eulogize the Dudleys.

Scott Steiner has used his favor to get himself and Test a Tag Team Title shot. In exchange, he’s no longer Test’s property. Test agrees but makes it clear that Stacy is still his property and will do what he wants.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Ric Flair

Flair is challenging, Orton is on commentary and as per Bischoff’s orders, the Five Star is banned. They pose at each other to start until Rob kicks him down and gets two off a standing moonsault. A spinning legdrop sends Flair bailing and it’s time for a slugout on the floor with Rob getting the better of it.

JR complains about the Five Star being banned, saying it would be like banning the RKO. Orton warns them to watch it because he seems them as a legendary announce team. Lawler gets the threat and says JR is a legend but says nothing about himself. As expected, it seems to go sailing over JR’s head. Flair sends him knee first into the steps to take over but the knee is fine enough for a spinwheel kick.

The Figure Four goes on until Rob turns it over so there’s a chop block for even worse measure. Rob pops back up with a middle rope spinning crossbody and superkicks Flair down. That’s enough to bring Orton to ringside but Rob kicks him down as well. Ric’s low blow only gets two and Rob loads up the Five Star, drawing in Orton for an RKO off the top and the DQ.

Rating: C. They were getting going here and that’s a good sign for when Orton takes the title from Van Dam. This seemed to exist for the sake of making Orton the next challenger and that’s the right call. Orton needs something like that to establish himself more as for now, he’s just a bunch of potential without a big win.

Orton puts the title on and drops it on Rob.

Coach makes fun of Hurricane and Rosey before going into Bischoff’s office. Eric has a big surprise for next week: Raw Roulette! In Salt Lake City, Utah! Bischoff is holding it there because the city is boring and they need something to make the show interesting.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Jericho saying it’s not his fault that Austin was in over his head. Jericho wasn’t the sole survivor last night but he was the one who got the match off the ground in the first place. So he deserves a H*** YEAH for helping get rid of Austin! That brings him to his guest this week: Lita. She doesn’t seem happy to be here and doesn’t want to hear anything about Jericho or especially Christian.

Instead here’s Matt Hardy to return to Raw, drawing a big smile from Lita. Matt quickly kisses her and has a question that he has to ask from one knee. Before it can be asked though, here’s Molly Holly to interrupt. She has a question of her own: what does she have to do to get some respect around here? She’s the Women’s Champion and beat Lita at Survivor Series but who is out here getting the attention? Jericho likes the animosity and thinks we should have a mixed tag tonight. Molly agrees, but with Bischoff as her partner. Matt and Lita don’t know what to think.

Post break Bischoff asks what Molly is thinking. She thought this could be the beginning of the end for Lita, so Bischoff adds some stipulations: if they win, Lita is fired for good. If Matt and Lita win, Lita gets a rematch for the Women’s Title.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Scott Steiner/Test

Steiner/Test are challenging. The fans want tables but have to wait through D-Von and Test starting things off. Lawler: “They don’t have tables here in Beaumont, Texas? Do they eat off the floor?” Test powers him around to start but walks into a jumping elbow to the jaw. Steiner comes in and gets punched in the head for his efforts, before it’s off to Bubba in his hardcore shorts.

Stacy cheers as Bubba hits a side slam but then sits back down in her chair so Test can yell at her some more. We actually hear about the Duchess of Dudleyville, with Lawler bringing up the history. I’m as confused as you are. It’s back to Test for a running clothesline in the corner, followed by jumping jacks for a little exercise. You have to get it in when you can.

We hit the chinlock and Stacy slaps the mat to get Bubba back to his feet. That means a Bubba Bomb for a break and the hot tag brings in D-Von to clean house. Everything breaks down and a thumb to the eye looks to set up Test’s pumphandle slam. That’s escaped as well and What’s Up Test. He’s right back up (make your own joke) with a full nelson slam to D-Von but now he wants Stacy to throw him a belt. She says no, and that means a 3D to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. Actually a good match here with both teams getting to look good out there. Test and Steiner are fine for a power team and I would have tolerated them a lot more over the last several months had they just done this rather than the whole feud and owning Stacy thing. They need another few teams but the tag division is starting to put some pieces together for a change.

Matt and Lita are in the back with Matt saying he wanted their first kiss to be in front of the world. Haven’t they done that already? Anyway, now it’s about getting her a shot at the Women’s Title. Matt leaves and Trish comes in for the rapid fire giggling.

Lita/Matt Hardy vs. Molly Holly/Eric Bischoff

They all get jobber entrances for some reason and genders can mix. Lita throws Molly down to start as the announcers point out Bischoff wrestling in a suit. That’s rather nice for a change as there’s no reason for him to have gear ready. Molly pulls Lita into the corner for two and we hit the chinlock. A Reverse DDT gets Lita out of trouble as Jerry keeps talking about the suit. Eric comes in and gets slapped, allowing Matt to….drop to the floor instead of coming in. Bischoff pulls Lita down by the hair and gets a really bad rollup (there’s no way I’m buying Lita couldn’t kick out of that) for the pin.

Post match Matt says he was going to ask Lita how she could be so selfish. All she had to do was come join him on Smackdown but instead she had to come back to Raw for the Women’s Title. She couldn’t even do that right though and it’s clear that the title and her career mean more than him and their relationship. They are THROUGH and Matt walks out. And that’s the end of any drama between them for the rest of time.

Val Venis vs. Rico

Venis has the women and Lance Storm to counter Miss Jackie. An early shoulder puts Rico down as the announcers start talking about Matt and Lita as this is pretty clearly just background noise for their chatter. Rico escapes a suplex and grabs a Backstabber to take over as the announcers talk about the ratings.

We get back to the match with Rico hitting a knee lift and a discussion about which section of the closet Rico is in/coming out of/was in. Rico drops an elbow and gyrates the hips as the discussion moves to JR being put on the Roulette wheel next week. This is reaching WCW levels of ignoring the match.

Rico grabs the chinlock as Jerry thinks JR could be in an inferno match and JR reacts accordingly. Val fights up and hits some clotheslines as JR says Rico wouldn’t fit in down in Muskogee. A Blue Thunder Bomb gets two and Val’s big boot gets the same. The Money Shot is loaded up but Val has to kick Jackie to the floor (in a big crash). She gets up to look at Storm, which isn’t noteworthy on its own but does include probably the longest nip slip in WWE history (edited but still visible on the Network). Rico gets shoved down as well and now the Money Shot is good for the pin. Storm wasn’t a factor.

Rating: D+. The wrestling wasn’t the worst (though it could have been about three minutes shorter) but the commentary here was what got the most focus. It was clear that the match was just there because they didn’t have anything else to do and I feel sorry for the wrestlers then. It’s nice to have them get out there and get to show off what they can do (in a watchable enough match) but egads can the announcers pretend that it matters?

Post match, Val and Storm dance with the ladies.

Lita (with her dog in her purse, which always looks dumb) is leaving when she runs into Christian. He has good news for her: he used his Bischoff favor to get her job back. Christian even picks up her bag and offers a shoulder to cry on, which she accepts.

Same Austin video as the opener.

We look at Orton RKOing Mark Cuban. Why that wasn’t a dark segment eludes me.

Orton has cashed in his favor for an Intercontinental Title shot at the next (unnamed) pay per view. He lists off some great Intercontinental Champions, forgetting HHH until the boss points it out. That’s fine enough because all that matters to HHH is getting the pin tonight in the handicap match.

Jericho asks Trish out for another date but she turns him down for being in on the Matt/Lita shenanigans. He denies all involvement and somehow offers up enough charm to get a kiss out of the whole thing.

Evolution vs. Goldberg

Orton starts for the team but his partners are quickly knocked to the floor with Randy being tossed on top of them. It’s off to Batista for the big power showdown but Goldberg knocks him down with one shot, followed by a powerslam for two. The ankle seems fine so far. HHH comes in and gets hammered in the face and suplexed.

Flair breaks up the spear though and HHH’s jumping knee to the face takes over. Orton’s dropkick rocks Goldberg but he spears the heck out of HHH. Batista and Orton get clotheslined down, only to have HHH come back with the facebuster. There’s the RKO (JR: “You gotta get up Billy.”) and a Batista Bomb, followed by the Pedigree to end Goldberg.

Rating: D. So to the shock of no one, last night’s win over HHH means nothing because we’re still waiting on him to get his title back from Goldberg. The normal question would be “well if that match didn’t count, why should I watch the next pay per view?” but that’s answered because everything gets important as soon as HHH gets the title back. This was all about rebuilding HHH, because Heaven forbid we go a DAY without him getting the upper hand on Goldberg.

Post match HHH says he’s cashing in his rematch next week. Tonight isn’t over though and he wraps a chair around Goldberg’s neck, drawing out Kane for the unlikely save. A sloppy chokeslam plants Goldberg to end the show instead.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t the worst here but the important thing was the storytelling. HHH aside, this show moved a lot of the stories in new and/or positive directions. Trish/Lita/Jericho/Christian in particular is really shaping up and there are several ways they could go with it. Throw in a lot of people having issues with Bischoff and the need for some fresh names to rise up and fight him and I’m actually interested in where some of this stuff goes. Better show than recent weeks, and I’m curious to see where a lot of it goes.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 27, 2003
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Evolution is back to full strength and Goldberg is down to one ankle after last week. Batista made his return from a long injury layoff to collect the bounty on Goldberg. That sets HHH up very well as we head towards Survivor Series, though we don’t have much set up for the show just yet. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the bounty being cashed in last week. Batista’s return went as well as it could have and makes him look like a killer in the process. This is set to what used to be Rey Mysterio’s WCW music, which must be public domain as it pops up every so often.

Opening sequence.

There’s a cage above the ring. Lawler: “Why is the cage here?” Maybe because there’s a cage match scheduled?

Here’s Evolution minus HHH and of course the fans are very happy to see Ric Flair. We get right to the point (how nice for a change) with Flair saying Goldberg won’t be here tonight. The fans seem rather indifferent, or at worst happy with the news. Batista was the man who did that and says that Goldberg shouldn’t see that as a negative. Instead he should think of it as an honor because HHH was impressed enough to want him taken out.

Batista is that much better than Goldberg and it was him who had all those near misses over the last few weeks. Orton wants to know who the champion is now because Goldberg is DONE. In all fairness it should go back to HHH but here’s Eric Bischoff instead, carrying a bag. Bischoff rants about losing Goldberg, the man he depends on to defend the title around the world. Do you know what losing him does to Bischoff? It makes him the happiest man on the planet.

Flair is livid, despite what should be the biggest layup in the world. Austin: “Settle down before you blow your pacemaker.” That’s the bottom line and Austin goes to leave but Batista says hang on a second. That kind of disrespect sounds like Austin is looking for physical provocation. A fight is teased but here are Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade (because WWE doesn’t learn lessons) to attack Orton and Flair.

Trish Stratus and Lita, in their underwear for obvious reasons, talk about Chris Jericho and Christian’s recent changes of heart. Lita is going to go see what she can find out.

Booker T. vs. Rico

Miss Jackie grabs Booker’s foot to start and Rico fires off the kicks to start. A chinlock goes nowhere as Jerry wants Rico to go back in the closet. The ax kick misses, Rico’s big kick misses and the ax kick finishes Rico in short order.

Post match here’s Jericho to yell at Booker for being on the wrong team at Survivor Series. He brings out the rest of Team Bischoff, now including Christian and Scott Steiner. Jericho wants the cage lowered and the big beatdown is on. Rob Van Dam comes in for the save and declares himself the newest member of Team Austin. That match is really starting to take shape.

Post break Jericho is yelling at Bischoff over Van Dam interfering. Jericho’s solution? Let him win the Intercontinental Title tonight. Bischoff agrees.

Mark Henry vs. Lance Storm

Teddy Long and Henry aren’t happy at losing the $100,000 last week and it’s time to get some payback. Henry throws him around for a few moments until Shawn Michaels runs in and superkicks Henry for the DQ. So much for Storm’s push.

Heidenreich is ready to team with Hurricane in his tag match. Hurricane mentions Little Johnny but he couldn’t be here tonight. Rosey comes up to take a picture of them and Hurricane mentions Johnny being Heidenreich’s son. Actually that’s not right and Heidenreich whispers the real story in Hurricane’s ear. The jaw drops and Rosey takes the picture, leaving Hurricane to say “and people say I’M weird for wearing a cape?”

Lita goes up to Christian in the back and wants to know what happened last week. Christian was reading her book and there’s a picture of the two of them holding hands. Apparently there was a bit of history but Lita acts like it’s nothing now. She leaves for her match, a bit flustered.

Shane McMahon has a match with a mystery opponent tonight and hopes it’s Kane.

Hurricane/Heidenreich vs. La Resistance

Conway jumps Hurricane as he tries to give his mask away but something like a backslide into the Eye of the Hurricane puts Conway down instead. Hurricane isn’t done and hits a big flip dive over the top to take Dupree down as well. Back in and Conway scores with a hanging swinging neckbreaker to really take over as Heidenreich tries to come in for the save.

We hit the USA chants (from the Army, Air Force and Marines members in the crowd) until a clothesline cuts Hurricane down for two more. It’s off to the chinlock as the announcers start with the FRANCE SUCKS jokes. A neckbreaker gets Hurricane out of trouble and it’s Heidenreich coming in to clean house. Conway eats a bicycle kick for two and a Rock Bottom is enough to put him away.

Rating: D+. Fairly boring here but good grief I’m sick of the RAH RAH RAH USA USA USA matches. I know Vince loves that kind of stuff but it’s getting a little hard to take. If nothing else, have someone better than La Resistance as the evil anti-Americans. They’ve lost most of their last few matches and it’s getting harder and harder to care.

Post match Heidenreich breaks up an attempt to wave the French flag.

Shane McMahon vs. ???

No DQ and the mystery opponent is…..Test? Well maybe not as he has a broken foot and is on crutches while wearing street clothes. He’s here to introduce the mystery opponent tonight and it’s….Test. Uh, ok then. Shane peppers him with left hands and stomps on the bad foot, sending Test to the floor to call for backup.

Shane goes up top and loads up a dive but Test pulls Stacy in front of him. With Test shouting for Kane (by name), Shane hammers away until Test sends him into the steps. But now, let’s wait for Test to shout for Kane again. A full nelson slam plants Shane but rather than covering, TEST SHOUTS FOR KANE.

It’s weapons time with Test in control until Stacy slows him down. The distraction lets Shane get in a few shots and load up the Van Terminator. Kane’s pyro goes off and Test gets in a crutch shot for two. The pumphandle slam is countered into a DDT onto the trashcan for two more and they’re both rocked. Shane chairs him into the corner and now the Van Terminator connects for the pin.

Rating: D. Let me make sure I’ve got this straight: we spent months on Test vs. Steiner and the next step is Test getting to job to Shane on Raw? I still have no idea why this needs to be Shane when he could be any given wrestler. He’s better than Stephanie due to the more logical motivation and having better matches but still, this could be anyone else who needs the spotlight.

Post match Shane accuses Kane of being scared. He should be scared, but he should be showing his face. If Kane won’t come out, he’ll offer a demonstration. That means beating Test up even more and crushing his foot on the steps with a chair. This brings Kane to the stage but no further. Shane announces that Survivor Series will be an ambulance match, which is even dumber than what they’ve been doing so far.

Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Gail Kim vs. Victoria

#1 contenders match. Lita knees Victoria in the corner and Trish gets two off a spinebuster. Molly, in jeans, a leather jacket and a low cut top (by her standards) is watching from the stage. That’s a rather nice look for her. Trish’s rollup gets two on Victoria and takes her down with a headscissors out of the corner.

Stevie Richards takes Trish down though and Lita gets double teamed. A powerbomb gets two on Gail and the Widow’s Peak gets the same on Lita. Victoria and Gail get in a fight with Kim being sent outside, leaving Lita to grab a DDT for the pin. Too short to rate, but it’s as rushed as you would imagine a four way that doesn’t even last three minutes to be.

Coach is getting his makeup done while reading Austin’s new book.

Video on Hawk.

Here’s Coach to review the book. He even has a podium with The Coach’s Book Review on a sign. Coach calls most of the statements in the book lies, focusing on Bischoff firing Austin from WCW. Cue Austin to offer Coach a free shot but Coach offers him the same thing. Austin has to decline but after his team wins at Survivor Series, he’d like Coach to do the post match interview because it’s the first face Austin wants to see.

Jindrak and Cade are ready to win so here’s Shawn to give them a pep talk. They go off for their match when Teddy comes in to yell about Shawn superkicking Henry. Teddy wants Henry vs. the “Heart Break Cracker” next week. Shawn says he could have cut off the rhetoric “you feel me playa?” Teddy: “Holla.” Teddy leaves so here’s Bischoff to have security escort Shawn from the arena.

JR and King thank the fans for their viewership as Raw was the highest rated cable show of the week.

Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade vs. Ric Flair/Randy Orton

Orton and Jindrak start things off but hang on a second as MAVEN, the definition of inspiration, is here to cancel out Batista. Make your own jokes, but that speaks for itself. Cade comes in and gets stomped down before it’s off to Flair (in red, meaning he’s likely losing) for an elbow to the jaw. Orton’s dropkick gets two but a double clothesline allows the hot tag to Jindrak.

Some very nice dropkicks have Evolution in trouble but Flair rolls Jindrak up. The referee is busy though so Maven comes in, runs at Flair with his arm extended, BARELY grazes Ric’s hair, and somehow turns the rollup over to give Jindrak the pin. I had to rewind the video a few times to see how Maven could have possibly missed that. Flair didn’t duck, so yes, Maven managed to miss a still target on a running clothesline.

Rating: D. The ending is absolutely the right call (though Maven needs target practice) as the young guys getting a pin is a good thing. However, they’re just so boring and uninteresting that their win is only going to get them so far. Give them a team name (or better names in general) or some matching gear or a gimmick of some sort. Just do SOMETHING because they’re putting me to sleep.

Evolution wrecks the boring guys post match. Batista looks very good dominating people here.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

Rob is defending and wastes no time with a spinning crossbody out of the corner. Jericho blocks a charge with a raised boot and a jumping enziguri gets two. They’re not exactly wasting any time here. We hit the double arm crank on the champ but Rob is quickly out and avoiding a charge into the post to send Jericho’s shoulder into the steel. Back up and the Five Star misses so Jericho can sneak in a low blow. The Walls go on but here’s Bischoff to distract the referee. As you might expect, Van Dam’s rope grab isn’t seen and Jericho pulls him back to the middle of the ring for the tap.

Rating: C-. It was fun while it lasted but it didn’t last long at all. I know Van Dam was in the ropes but he’s tapping out in less than five minutes? That’s quite the stretch and while I can buy it, you know this is going to be setting up a rematch and that’s not the worst thing in the world. These two work well enough together that I’d like to see them go at it again.

Hang on a second as Austin comes out and makes the rematch RIGHT NOW….inside of that steel cage. Bischoff runs up the ramp to yell at Austin but trips into him by mistake, meaning the chase is on.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

Jericho is defending inside a cage. Joined in progress with Rob in trouble thanks to the weakened back. A missed dropkick makes things even worse and Jericho drops an elbow for good measure. It’s off to the backbreaker with Jericho bending the back over his knee (thank goodness for mixing up the holds) as the back is banged up even worse.

Rob sends him into the cage a few times for his first offense but it’s too early to go over the top. Instead Jericho pulls him down and slams him off the top. This time it’s Jericho going up but Rob pulls him back down and they fall down to the mat in a double heap. Rob pulls him in again and superkicks him off the ropes before going over the top. Jericho goes for the door but Rob kicks it into his head and wins the title back.

Rating: D+. Well ok then. I guess the idea here is to show the power struggle between Bischoff and Austin, just in case the last four months didn’t explain that in enough detail. The match was, again, too short to mean anything but at least they both get a second reign out of the thing. That Jericho reign is probably shorter than Dean Douglas’ though, so at least we got some history out of the thing.

Post match Christian and Steiner come in to destroy Van Dam. Cue the Dudleys through the crowd to even things up but Mark Henry comes in as well. Teddy locks the cage as the beating is on so here’s Booker T. to dive off the top of the cage. Henry shrugs it off and hits a bunch of World’s Strongest Slams to end the show. They certainly added to that match in a hurry.

Overall Rating: D. This is a give and take show. While there’s nothing good in the way of wrestling, there is a clear plan for where most (if not all) of these stories are going. You can see a lot of Survivor Series from here and that’s a major upgrade over the meandering stories that basically came down to “how can we make HHH look good”. While not a good show, it’s actually a positive sign for the future and that’s not something you get too often on Raw.

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