Wrestlemania XXX
Date: April 6, 2014
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 75,167
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

I haven’t watched this match since I saw it the day after seeing it live in the Superdome last year. This show received rave reviews at the time (including from me) and it’s going to be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Granted, given how this year’s Wrestlemania has been built up, anything is going to seem like a classic. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Under elimination rules and the Usos are defending as part of the TWO HOUR preshow. I remember when these things were thirty minutes but that’s the age we live in I guess. These entrances show you how many different paths people can take. Cesaro is in the same place but with a title, Los Matadores are in the exact same spot, the Usos are in the same match minus the belts, Ryback is rebuilding and Curtis Axel got to confront Hulk Hogan on the go home Raw for Wrestlemania. That last part still makes my head shake.

Axel and Jey get things going with the champ grabbing a headlock. The fans chant WE THE PEOPLE as JBL says Colter is the greatest war hero in Louisiana since Andrew “Stonewall” Jackson in 1814. History geeks around the world are shaking their heads (Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was a Civil War general who wasn’t born until 1824. JBL meant President Andrew “Not A Stonewall” Jackson) as Jey and Axel chop it out. The Real Americans bail to the floor to avoid a tag attempt and Axel drops Jey with a dropkick.

Off to Ryback for some hard shots but Diego tags himself in to go after Jey. The Usos make a tag and it’s Jimmy vs. Diego but they stop for an OLE! Fernando tags himself in for a dropkick to go with his cousin’s legsweep for two on Jimmy. Cesaro tags Jimmy for the biggest pop of the night so far (that might change) and hammers away before bringing in Swagger for a running clothesline. A springboard back elbow scores for Fernando and, amazingly enough, no one cares.

Both Real Americans are sent to the floor with Ryback and the Usos being thrown on top of them so Los Matadores can dive on everyone. Torito gets on the top but Axel grabs him from behind and throws him inside. Axel goes up but Los Matadores catch him in a double electric chair, allowing Torito to cross body him down onto the big pile for a crash. Back in and Swagger throws Diego off the top and puts on the Patriot Lock for the submission elimination.

Jimmy comes in and jack Jack’s jaw but he gets caught in the Patriot Lock as well, only to have Jimmy roll out in a hurry. Axel tags himself in and stomps on the champ before it’s off to Ryback for a delayed vertical. Axel and Ryback take turns on Jimmy in the corner until Ryback slaps on a chinlock. That goes nowhere until Jimmy fights up and makes the tag to Jey as house is cleaned. The running Umaga Attack staggers Axel but Jack breaks up a charge with a belly to belly.

Ryback plants Swagger with a spinebuster but Cesaro breaks up the Shell Shock. The Meat Hook is blocked by Swiss Death and the Neutralizer eliminates Ryback to send the fans into a frenzy. We’re down to the Usos vs. the Real Americans, which is pretty much what everyone was expecting in the first place. The Usos send them to the floor for a big double dive, leaving all four on the outside.

Back in and Cesaro gets two off a backbreaker to Jey but the Swing doesn’t work. Instead it’s off to Jimmy but Swagger comes in off a hot tag, only to have Jey hit a Whisper in the Wind for two. Swagger, with a bloody arm, blocks the running Umaga Attack with the Patriot Lock but Jimmy breaks it up with a superkick, only to walk into Swiss Death. Cesaro and Jimmy get tags but the Americans are whipped into each other, setting up a double superkick to Cesaro, followed by the double Superfly Splash to retain the titles.

Rating: B. This was the perfect way to open a show as the fans are now way into things. It’s a pretty meaningless match, proven if nothing else by how similar this year’s pre-show match will be. At the end of the day, that’s the benefit of a multi-team tag match: let the fans get fired up and have a great time while not wasting anything of note. It’s another reason I’m amazed by how little tag wrestling is used. You can use it for something like this but for some reason it’s almost never done.

Post match Swagger and Cesaro go at it with Jack putting on the Patriot Lock as Colter loses his mind. They break it up but Cesaro Swings him to blow the roof off the place again.

The opening video is set in the streets of New Orleans with a jazz band playing. There’s a great opening line of “A good time occurs when we forget what time it is, and man have we lost track of time.” Wrestlers fill up the streets for something like a Mardi Gras parade with shots of famous Wrestlemania entrances, such as Shawn at XII and Heenan/Andre at III, superimposed over the streets. It’s a REALLY cool video and fits the theme of how big a night this really is.

There’s something so amazing looking about the sea of people in the Superdome to watch the show.

We open big with the special host Hulk Hogan, which is really the only way to open a major anniversary Wrestlemania. First line: “Well let me tell you something brother!” Oh yeah he’s got us in the palm of his hand and he knows it. He was there at Wrestlemania I in Madison Square Garden but now it’s thirty years later at Wrestlemania XXX, right here in the Silverdome. I thought he flubbed that line on purpose and I still think it now. Think about it: how many times has that been referenced since, meaning people keep thinking of Hogan? There’s nothing wrong with it if it’s true but I’m almost certain he did it intentionally.

Hogan talks about how there are Wrestlemania moments and surprises, and you never know when one of those moments is going to happen…….CUE GLASS SHATTER! I’ve been to a lot of wrestling shows in my day and I’ve never freaked out more than hearing that sound. That was the moment when you knew you were in for something very, very special that night.

Austin hits all four corners and you can tell he’s fired up to be here. He says it’s good to be back here at the Silverdome and asks if the fans want to see him open a can on Hogan. They were sitting next to each other at the Hall of Fame and Austin has seen every thing Hogan has done over the years, from Wrestlemania I (WHAT!) through Wrestlemania X (which Hogan wasn’t at). Austin appreciates all of Hogan’s accomplishments in this business and shakes his hand. He talks about how tonight is about the current stars…..and here’s the Rock.

After taking his sweet time getting to the ring, Rock and Austin hug for old times’ sake. Fans: “THIS IS AWESOME!” Rock says all five of his senses are on fire and FINALLY he has come back……to the SUPERdome! He looks across the ring and sees the two biggest names in the history of the WWE and he’s had the privilege of facing both of them at Wrestlemania.

They’ve had a huge impact on his career and on everyone’s in the back as well. Tonight Cena is coming out here to fight for hustle, loyalty and respect, but he doesn’t do that if no one told him to say his prayers and take his vitamins 29 years ago. Tonight someone is fighting against the Authority (pause for a YES chant) but that doesn’t happen unless a bald headed SOB didn’t have the guts to fight against the boss.

Rock wants to know why so many babies are born just nine months after Wrestlemania? They’re Rock Babies! Rock gives us a great rhyme about the history of Wrestlemania with the final line saying that everyone else would have lost to the three of them (look it up because just reading it doesn’t do it justice). Everyone hits their catchphrases, beer is consumed and all three songs are played. JBL: “My life is complete.”

Overall Rating: A+. Well that was…..oh dang we’ve got three and a half hours to go. I had my money’s worth right here already.

We get the AWESOME recap video for HHH vs. Daniel Bryan. If there’s one thing this show got right (and there are about a hundred of them), it’s the big recap videos. This is set to Monster by Imagine Dragons and shows Bryan going from an NXT rookie up to the US Champion and then into the main event.

At Summerslam 2013, Bryan pinned John Cena completely clean but guest referee HHH knocked him out so Orton could cash in Money in the Bank. HHH didn’t want Bryan as the face of WWE because he didn’t fit the mold, but Bryan spent the next several months trying to prove himself and get the title back. Eventually Bryan wanted a match with HHH but couldn’t get the boss to agree. With nothing else left, Bryan took Raw hostage and forced HHH to agree to let them have a match here at Wrestlemania. The winner is put into the World Title match main event.

Stephanie, showing so much leg that Stacy Keibler would tell her to tone it down, introduces HHH. Naturally HHH has a golden throne with three good looking women (played by NXT girls Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Alexa Bliss) to take off his mask and armor. To be fair, this is pretty cool.

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

Winner goes to the main event title match. For some reason, Bryan’s entrance is never actually announced, likely due to not being able to hear the announcer over the INSANE YES chants. Cole says this is a mismatch on paper, even though Bryan is a multiple time World Champion coming in. HHH would be the heavy favorite but it’s not that big. Bryan is coming in with a bad shoulder after HHH attacked it a few weeks back on Raw. Stephanie kisses HHH for an awesome heel moment.

We start with a long staredown as the fans are about 300% behind Bryan. HHH’s offer of a handshake is kicked away and Bryan gets a quick rollup for two. That would be one heck of a way to open the show. The threat of a big kick sends HHH outside but he comes back in to go after the arm. Bryan flips out and hits a dropkick to the ribs before taking him down with a headlock. Stephanie: “COME ON BABY!” They hit the mat for a nice technical sequence until HHH takes him into the corner and wraps the bad arm around the ropes.

Bryan escapes an attempt at sending his arm into the post before hitting a running tornado DDT off the apron to the floor. As HHH gets up, Bryan dives off the top for a big flip dive and Stephanie is losing it. She shouts that Bryan is a B+ at best as HHH crotches him on the top, followed by a running forearm to put Bryan on the floor. It’s time for the announcer’s table but Bryan fights out of the Pedigree attempt, only to have HHH grab the arm and drive it into the table.

Back in again and HHH puts on an armbar as JBL shouts about how brilliant this is. He really needs to figure out proper tone. Bryan is able to low bridge HHH to the floor but a right hand stops the Flying Goat. Something like a belly to back suplex on the apron drops Bryan’s arm on the apron again and he has to beat the count back in. HHH channels his inner Backlund for a crossface chicken wing before putting on a regular Crossface to make Benoit scream even more.

Bryan finally makes the rope and nails a running forearm to knock some of the smile off of Stephanie’s face. The moonsault out of the corner doesn’t work but Bryan uses a standing switch for some rolling Germans for rolling near falls. HHH reverses back into another chicken wing attempt before settling for a tiger suplex. They head up top for a superplex but Bryan reverses into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. Bryan starts shaking his head as he gets up for the running dropkicks in the corner, only to have HHH nail a running clothesline to stop the third. Stephanie LOSES IT on the floor in celebration.

The Pedigree is countered into a jackknife for two before the big kick knocks HHH silly. Back to the Crossface but HHH can only grab across Bryan’s forehead. Bryan rolls away but gets caught in the middle of the ring ala the ending of Wrestlemania XX. Another roll lets Bryan counter into the YES Lock but again the grip isn’t perfect. HHH finally makes the ropes and you can see Stephanie breathe a sigh of relief. She’s gone from all confident to having to sweat over this match.

HHH bails to the floor but Bryan gets up for two straight Flying Goats, followed by a series of kicks to the chest as they hit another gear. The missile dropkick puts HHH down but Daniel lands on his shoulder. He nips up though and the fans are right back into it. JBL is starting to panic as well as Bryan busts out the YES Kicks. The big one knocks HHH down but he kicks out at two. This is reaching epic.

Bryan sets up the running knee but it’s countered into a spinebuster, followed by the Pedigree for two, sending Stephanie into shock. HHH puts him in the corner for more right hands but is smart enough to break at four. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into a backdrop for two but HHH doesn’t let go of the grip. Bryan won’t get up so HHH drives knees (yes, knees from HHH) to the side of the head. This time Bryan rolls out and kicks the boss in the head, only to miss a second attempt. HHH tries a belly to back but Bryan flips out and hits the running knee for the huge upset pin, sending him to the main event.

Rating: A. This was a great match with the big key of Bryan winning clean. HHH wrestled a smart match and did everything he should have, including the arm work and hitting the Pedigree but Bryan flat out beat him. This match was a Match of the Year contender all year and it’s easy to see why. Really good stuff here and HHH continues to prove why he’s still worth putting in the ring a few times a year.

Post match Stephanie gets in for a real challenge. She slaps Bryan in the face, allowing Stephanie to get a chair and crush Bryan’s shoulder against the post. Oh man they really did stack the deck against him. Stephanie: “That’s what happens when you play with the Game.” Dang she’s good at being evil.

New Age Outlaws/Kane vs. Shield

There isn’t much to this one. Kane blamed Jerry Lawler for letting Bryan’s fans in for the Occupy Raw incident but Shield wouldn’t attack him. The Outlaws were added because who else was going to be put in the spot? Road Dogg’s speech is cut off by Shield’s intro, complete with half masks which didn’t last long. This was right before Shield turned face, even though they’re insanely popular and have practically been good guys for a few weeks now. One last note before we get to the massacre: if you’ve never heard it, Kane’s pyro is one of the loudest things you’ll ever hear live.

Kane punches Ambrose into the corner to start but the US Champion (remember that?) fights back and nails a clothesline. Off to Reigns to run over Gunn before taking down Dogg and Kane for good measure. Reigns even tells the Outlaws to suck it. The Apron Kick (he hasn’t done that in a while) hits both Outlaws but Kane blocks the Superman Punch. That earns him a springboard knee from Rollins and Dean breaks up the Fameasser.

The Superman Punch (which the camera misses) lays out Gunn and Billy is surrounded. He gets outside with Dogg, only to take a double dive from Ambrose and Rollins. All three villains get speared (the Outlaws get theirs at the same time) and a double Triple Bomb to the Outlaws is enough for the pin. Total and complete dominance here as you can feel the Shield’s mega face push coming imminently.

Jim Duggan and Sgt. Slaughter are playing with toys in the back with EVIL Danny Davis counting the pin. Why Duggan isn’t wearing a shirt isn’t clear. Duggan wants another opponent so here’s Ricky Steamboat. They can’t play though because someone has bought the toys. Guess who that would be. On a personal note, other than Davis, I’ve met every person in this segment in the last year. Ron Simmons comes in for the required cameo.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Big Show, Cesaro, Xavier Woods, Sin Cara, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Yoshi Tatsu, Brad Maddox, Brodus Clay, Great Khali, Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes, Goldust, Darren Young, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Heath Slater, Tyson Kidd, R-Truth, Fandango, Big E., David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Damien Sandow, Santino Marella, Miz, Titus O’Neil, Mark Henry

In a line I can’t take credit for, this should be the Andre Rousimoff Memorial Battle Royal: the ARMBAR. There are thirty one people in this and eight of them are out of the company less than a year later. I’ll give them credit for this: they snuck everyone but Big Show and Sheamus into the ring during the legends’ segment and I didn’t notice a thing.

Kidd goes to the apron to start and flips onto a pile of people. You can’t tell what’s going on to start like in most battle royals. Tatsu is out first and Cody and Kofi get in a kick off as they’re hanging from the ropes. Maddox, GM of Raw at the time, is out next and Khali knocks Brodus out with a chop. A few guys dump Khali a few seconds later and you can actually see the mat now. There goes Ryder at 3MB’s hands and Young gets the same treatment.

Mark Henry actually sells a punch from Slater before knocking out McIntyre and Mahal. Henry makes it a matched 3MB set by throwing Heath out but Big Show gets rid of him a few seconds later. The ring is down to a manageable number now and it’s nowhere near as crowded. Show throws Titus out next but it’s Cobra time. Miz tries to block it but with an assist from Xavier Woods of all people, Miz is knocked to the floor. Del Rio kicks Santino out and Sandow dumps Woods. Racist.

Cody’s Disaster Kick nails Sandow and Goldust low bridges him to the floor. Intercontinental Champion Big E. powerbombs Gabriel out and throws Otunga to the floor for good measure. Fandango and Big E. get in a fight on the apron and Fandango actually kicks him out. Your champion ladies and gentlemen. The fans start Fandangoing but stop as Sheamus hits the thirty forearms to the chest and shoves the dancer out.

Show throws Truth out and we’re down to Big Show, Mysterio, Sin Cara, Del Rio, Kidd, Goldust, Cesaro, Sheamus, Ziggler, Kingston and Rhodes. Sin Cara goes out off camera to get us down to ten and Del Rio enziguris Kidd off the top to make it nine. Another enziguri drops Goldust and a shove gets rid of the other Rhodes brother. Del Rio takes a 619 and Cesaro gets the same treatment, only to uppercut Rey to the floor. Ziggler gets an uppercut of his own in the middle of the ring and everyone is down.

It’s Kofi up first and charging at Cesaro, who launches him over the post and down to the floor. You know it’s not that simple though as Kofi’s feet land on the steps and he gets back in for a HUGE top rope cross body. I paused the video to type a bit with Kofi in the air and I couldn’t believe how high he got on that thing. Kofi kicks everyone, including Big Show, down but he gets caught in the Swing that everyone had wanted to see. There’s something hilarious about those braids flying around.

The Swing goes on for a ridiculous thirty seconds but Cesaro walks into a chokeslam. A Brogue Kick drops Big Show and another puts Kingston out. Ziggler DDTs Sheamus but gets superkicked to the floor but Del Rio, drawing some awesome heat. The final four are Del Rio, Big Show, Sheamus and Cesaro. There’s the cross armbreaker to Sheamus, which JBL points out as a waste of time.

Sheamus powers up but both guys fall to the floor to get us down to two. You know who the fans are behind I’m assuming. Cesaro starts firing off uppercuts and clotheslines but dives into a big chop. Show loads him up but Cesaro slips down the back (ala Rock at the 2000 Royal Rumble) and casually picks him up (not like Rock at the 2000 Royal Rumble) for a slam to the floor and the win.

Rating: C+. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting and one of the more entertaining battle royals I’ve seen in a long time. Cesaro winning should have meant a big push but it wound up going nowhere due to the incompetence of this company. Good stuff here but they would have been better off with twenty like they’re doing for the second version. That slam was freaking cool too.

Cesaro celebrates with his chest high trophy.

The next awesome recap video shows us Cena vs. Wyatt, which is based around the idea of making Cena destroy his legacy….whatever that means. Wyatt thinks Cena is lying when he talks about hustle, loyalty and respect and seemingly just wants to destroy Cena for fun. He’s a weird guy like that.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

Wyatt’s song is played live with a bunch of burning barrels, a woman dancing like she’s possessed and what looks like a bunch of junk set up as an altar. This was CHILLING live and an absolutely amazing visual. Bray has Harper and Rowan with him here. This was before Rowan got pushed by having Big Show knock him out 19 times in a row. The fireflies are starting to become a thing at this point but it’s not there yet. Cena doesn’t have any kind of a special entrance, but how could he follow Bray’s anyway? For some reason Roberts doesn’t even announce him until he’s in the ring.

Bray drops to his knees and offers Cena a free shot to finish him early but Cena tells him to get up and fight. They finally get going with Cena headlocking him to the mat as JBL has no idea what he just saw. Back up and Bray hammers him into the corner, shouting that Cena doesn’t want to fight him. A headbutt drops Cena as Bray asks if this is the one the people call hero.

Bray sends him across the ring but Cena just explodes with a running clothesline. A fired up Cena takes him into the corner, only to have Wyatt laugh as Cena stomps away. John gets creative (or is it basic?) with a running big boot. The Family stares at Cena and Bray shouts that John is a monster before hitting the release suplex slam (cool move). We hit the sleeper but it’s quickly just a regular chinlock.

Cena fights back and starts his finishing sequence but the Shuffle is blocked by Bray’s spider walk. Cena’s reaction is perfect as he falls down and gets distracted by Rowan, allowing Bray to hit a chokeslam (meant to be a Rock Bottom but it’s the same move for all intents and purposes) for two. It’s time for Bray to conduct the crowd but the delay lets Cena get two off a jumping tornado DDT.

Cena’s top rope Fameasser is caught in the Batista neck breaking powerbomb and control switches again. Another finishing sequence has Bray in trouble but he counters the AA into a gutbuster for two. A DDT onto the apron drops Cena and his face just looks stunned. Back in and Bray’s superplex attempt is countered but Cena, ever the rocket scientist, dives on the Family for no apparent reason. They weren’t doing much and they’ll just be ticked off now, but Cena is Cena and unquestionable right?

The wild eyed Bray sends Cena into the steps and says he’s figured out what to do. Cena kicks the steps out of his hands and picks them up instead, only to throw them down instead of giving in to the demons. Back in and Bray runs him over, says he has the whole world in his hand, but misses the backsplash. AA gets two and why are people always shocked by that? If you don’t see two of those it’s not a major match.

Rowan offers a distraction so Harper can get in a cheap shot to give his boss two. It’s about time they did something in this match. Cena goes out after Harper and spears him through the barricade, which seems to be exactly what Bray wanted. Sister Abigail is countered into the STF but the rope is quickly grabbed. Now Sister Abigail connects for two and Bray is……happy? Scared? Shocked? You never really can tell with him.

Bray goes out and rips the top off the Spanish table. Ricardo Rodriguez is on Spanish commentary and tells him to go after the French table in a funny moment. Instead Bray gets a chair and kicks it over to Cena before kneeling in the middle of the ring. He tells Cena to finish this but Cena blasts Rowan instead, setting up Sister Abigail. The kiss is too much though and the second AA is enough to pin Bray.

Rating: C+. It’s a good enough match, but what the heck was the point in having Bray lose here? The entire thing was built up as Bray being a monster and he loses the big match? Now of course this didn’t end Bray’s run, but it was questionable then and it doesn’t get any better a year later. Cena really didn’t need the win and the whole legacy thing still doesn’t make a lot of sense. I don’t get how Bray pinning him ended his legacy, so it seemed to be another way of saying “Hey Cena, turn heel already!” It’s not explained why hitting Rowan is different than hitting Bray but this story never made the most sense in the first place.

Hall of Fame video from last night. This package aired about a million times on Sunday and Monday, to the point where I memorized half the lines. Undertaker coming out with the urn during Bearer’s induction was perfect. Mr. T.’s speech on the other hand was so beyond perfect that I don’t have the words to describe it. Seeing Scott Hall and Jake Roberts up there is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen and proof that Diamond Dalla Page is a saint.

Here’s the class of 2015 live: Jake Roberts, Mr. T., Paul Bearer, Carlos Colon, Lita (you all still would and you know it), Razor Ramon and the Ultimate Warrior, who gets a full musical entrance. The interesting thing here is that the camera guys ran backwards in case he ran to the ring but instead he just walked out after everyone else had been standing there. Knowing what happened to him less than two days later still makes my head spin. This is one of the better classes ever as it’s hard to argue against any of them going in, which isn’t always the case.

Medics check on Bryan’s arm.

We recap the Streak match. The video about the Streak being the lone constant over the last twenty three years is really odd when you think about it as nothing else has anywhere near that lifespan. Can any man break the streak? Heyman: “Obviously the answer to this question is no. But what about a beast?” That’s pretty much all you need to know. Heyman caps it off with “Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat. Eat, sleep, conquer the Streak.”

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

Undertaker’s theme this year is a coffin with the name of each victim, all of which are lit on fire. The latest victim is covered by smoke as luck would have it. Even Brock looks a bit shaken up by all this, but that might be due to his coffin opening up. Long staredown to start until Undertaker fires off right hands. That earns him a belly to belly overhead suplex and a clothesline to send him outside because Brock is awesome like that.

Undertaker comes back with a Stunner over the top and it’s time for more punching, followed by bending Brock’s arm around the rope. The arm goes into the post as well but Brock punches Old School down. That’s it for Undertaker’s control though as he fights back and takes it to the floor, setting up the apron legdrop. It’s been about 90% Undertaker so far. The chokeslam and F5 are both escaped but Brock avoids the running boot in the corner.

It’s time to go after the old man’s leg and the last thing you want to give Brock is a target. Or raw meat. Or a belt that a Samoan wants to take from him because it turns into a stupid looking tug of war. Brock slowly hammers him down and pounds away with right hands and knees in the corner. Now they head outside for another shot to Undertaker’s knee before he’s whipped hard into the barricade. Back in and Brock keeps hammering away as the fans are waiting on the big comeback before they hit the main event style.

Now Brock just starts punching him a lot until Undertaker catches him with the running DDT (a popular counter tonight). The running clothesline in the corner (what leg injury?) sets up Snake Eyes and the running boot, followed by a legdrop for two. The chokeslam (Heyman: “HE’S POISED!”) gets two and Undertaker looks deflated. Brock counters the tombstone into the F5 (way bigger reaction than the chokeslam) for two.

Lesnar slows things down and gets pulled into a surprise Hell’s Gate. That’s fine with Brock who lifts him up into a powerbomb to break the hold. Power like that is just scary and Brock is terrifying enough on his own. Undertaker throws it on again but Brock counters it exactly the same way. Why change what works? It’s Brock’s turn for a submission as he puts on the Kimura to make Undertaker scream. We get MMA Taker as he reverses into one of his own but Brock makes it to the ropes.

Brock fires off some shoulders in the corner but Undertaker gets a boot up. We go Old School but Undertaker falls into the F5 for two. Now it’s Brock’s turn to be shocked for a change. Two German suplexes rattle Undertaker again and Heyman shouts that Brock is going to make it 21-1. Brock hammers away in the corner but climbs to the middle rope, setting up something called a Last Ride but more like a weak spinebuster.

Undertaker is just spent at this point so he loads up the tombstone. Brock doesn’t quite get planted though as you can see St. Louis in the gap between his head and the mat, meaning the kickout doesn’t have much of an impact. There’s the sit up and another tombstone, but Brock reverses and muscles Undertaker into the third F5 for the pin to conquer the Streak.

Rating: D+. This is hard to watch for multiple reasons. First and foremost, the Streak ended. I’m not the biggest Undertaker fan, but knowing what was coming actually made this hard to sit through. I mean……the Streak just ended. It’s like telling a kid there’s no Santa Claus: you know it has to happen someday but you don’t want to ever actually do it.

The other reason this was hard to watch is the match pretty much sucked. Undertaker apparently had a concussion early in the match and barely remembers a lot of what happened here. That can cause some severe problems, but I can’t imagine that the match would have been much better had Undertaker been healthy throughout. At the end of the day, the guy is 49 years old and barely wrestles once a year. You can’t expect him to be able to do it every single year.

That brings me to my last point: how can you really expect him to win here? Brock is a monster and wrestles a lot more often than Undertaker, in addition to being thirteen years younger. How can you reasonably believe that Undertaker can win? That’s part of the thing that kills the fans here: the idea of the Undertaker is that one night a year, he’s immortal. This match proved that he was human and that’s a hard thing to admit after all those years of seeing him as a superhero. Lesnar has been a monster since, and this really is the start of something special. Granted no one knew that at the time.

Anyway, Heyman’s reaction is in perfect as even he’s stunned at what he just saw because all his hyperbole is proven correct. They leave as the audience is stunned. Undertaker finally sits up, albeit very slowly, and gets the big hero’s sendoff. He hasn’t been seen since and I’m not sure I want to see him in the ring again at this point. The reaction is even more saddening as the fans are just done at this point. I’ve heard the only thing to compare this to is Koloff beating Sammartino and it’s hard to disagree with that.

On top of that, Undertaker collapsed as soon as he went through the curtain and was sent to the hospital. Vince himself went with him and missed the end of the show. That’s scary stuff but how lucky were they that he didn’t collapse on the stage in front of all the thousands of people?

Wrestlemania XXXI ad.

Divas Title: Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational

AJ Lee, Naomi, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Cameron, Emma, Eva Marie, Layla, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae, Tamina Snuka

All fourteen are in at once, one fall to a finish and AJ (only one with an entrance as the others came out during the XXXI video) is defending. Vickie gets in an evil laugh before we get going. AJ and her bodyguard Tamina are sent into the middle of the circle and the brawl is on. Something tells me I won’t be able to keep track of all this.

The Bellas “hit” a horrible gutbuster on Layla before Natalya tries a triple Sharpshooter on Alicia, Summer and Rosa at the same time. A quadruple suplex gets a quadruple near fall as Cameron’s top has broken. That earns her an Emma Lock as this is a total mess. We hit the parade of finishers until only the Bellas are left.

Instead of fighting, they hit an admittedly sweet looking double dive to take everyone out. It’s amazing how much easier they are to sit through when they don’t talk. They slug it out inside and the Rack Attack gets two on Brie. Back in for a parade of secondary finishers until Naomi breaks up the Superfly Splash by shoving Tamina to the floor. Natalya powerbombs Aksana to send Naomi down in a Tower of Doom, leaving AJ to hook the Black Widow on Naomi to retain.

Rating: D. Well what else were you expecting? There’s almost no way to make a huge mess like this work, especially when so many of the girls have no business inside a wrestling ring. AJ would go on to lose the title the next night to a debuting Paige, which I somehow called about two weeks out. That’s probably a lot better than having her debut here and win as part of this disaster, but it’s rather telling that the same girls are still on top of the division a year later.

Gene Okerlund interviews Hulk Hogan (that needed to happen tonight) when Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff come in. Piper reluctantly tells Hogan he’s doing a good job tonight but Paul says he’s tired of hearing about getting pinned at the first Wrestlemania. The losers want to fight now and here’s Mr. T. for the big staredown. Pat Patterson just happens to be here in a referee shirt but they all agree to bury the hatchet and have the most awkward handshakes in years.

Bruno Sammartino, Dusty Rhodes, Harley Race, Bob Backlund and Bret Hart (by far the loudest reaction) are at ringside.

WWE World Title: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan

Rev Theory (remember them?) play Orton to the ring. Orton is defending of course and Batista won the Royal Rumble to get here. Bryan can barely move that left shoulder and has to do a one armed YES point. After the big match intros, Bryan hits a quick running dropkick to the champion followed by the YES Kicks. Orton calmly goes to the arm and stomps away but Batista takes Randy down.

The Orton backbreaker drops Batista and Bryan gets knocked down to the floor. Batista and Orton head over to the announcers’ tables before Batista whips him into the barricade. Orton backdrops out of a Batista Bomb to send Batista into the steps before going after Bryan again. The champ starts going back and forth to send both challengers into the barricade before taking Batista back inside for two.

The knee drop gets two more as the fans chant for Bryan. That’s exactly what they get as well with a double missile dropkick putting down the shaved headed guys. Daniel kicks away at both of them but Orton grabs in him a high collar suplex for two. Big Dave kicks Orton down and stomps on Bryan in the corner to get the fans booing all over again. That’s fine with Daniel as he hits running dropkicks to both guys in the corner. That woke them up again and so did the top rope hurricanrana for two on Orton.

Batista comes back with a suplex to send Bryan outside but he goes up top for no logical reason other than to allow Orton to superplex him back down. Daniel adds a Swan Dive and puts Orton in the YES Lock but here are HHH and Stephanie to pull out the referee. Crooked referee Scott Armstrong comes in to count two off the Batista Bomb on Bryan. Bryan sends a charging Batista into the post and kicks Armstrong in the head before hitting a FLYING GOAT onto the Authority, including Stephanie. Just fire him right now. Plant a tie on him or something.

HHH is livid and pulls out the sledgehammer but Bryan takes it away and knocks HHH to the floor. Orton comes back in and cleans house, joining forces with Batista to beat Bryan up even more. They take the tape off his shoulder as the Authority is taken out, much to JBL’s chagrin. The announcers’ table is loaded up with Orton setting the steps next to it, drawing a CM Punk chant for the save. Instead they get a Batista Bomb into a jumping neckbreaker (called an RKO). The scary part here is that Orton landed back first on a monitor and took a long time to get up.

Batista is the only man left standing and it’s Lawler with the voice of common sense: “Throw one of them in the ring and cover them!” The old guys still get it. Medics come out to help Bryan as JBL joins Lawler’s school of thinking: “COVER BRYAN ALREADY!” Orton and Batista brawl in a heatless segment as people don’t accept that Bryan is done yet. The Elevated DDT off the apron gets a good gasp from the crowd, but Bryan getting off the stretcher gets a better reaction.

Orton immediately sends Bryan into the steps before throwing him back inside. Again he won’t cover though, allowing Batista to come back in and take the champ down. There’s the YES Lock to Batista but Orton is right back up for the save. Daniel is knocked to the floor by Batista’s spear and the RKO gets a VERY close two on Dave to get the fans back into it.

Another RKO is loaded up but Bryan comes back in with the running knee. Batista throws Bryan down but Orton kicks out at two. Another Batista Bomb puts Orton down but Bryan comes back in with the running knee and the YES Lock FINALLY makes Bryan champion, sending New Orleans into a frenzy. Cole dubs it the Miracle on Bourbon Street in a call I really like.

Rating: B. This needed to be five minutes shorter but my goodness they cranked up the emotions here. There was no other possible ending to this though and the fans ate up every single bit of it. The near falls on the finishers were great and I was totally buying into them as potential endings. Not a great match but exactly the way the show should have ended.

Confetti falls (and I got a piece which I still have) and a huge celebration finally ends the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Time has brought this show back down to earth a bit but it’s still incredibly fun. This was everything the fans could have wanted from Bryan (though not quite everything from Undertaker vs. Lesnar) and an incredibly emotional show. The wrestling here ranges from very good to mixed but the emotion is off the charts. That’s what matters at the end of the day and it was the perfect story being told. The show holds up almost completely and it’s still great and worth checking out. Bryan may never get back to the top again, but they can never take this night away from him and that’s not the worst prize.

Ratings Comparison

Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Original: B

Redo: B

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A

Redo: A

Shield vs. Kane/New Age Outlaws

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

Original: B

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Vickie Guerrero Divas Invitational

Original: D+

Redo: D

Daniel Bryan vs. Batista vs. Randy Orton

Original: A-

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A-

The main event was too high but the show is still an instant classic.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/04/07/wrestlemania-xxx-oh-yeah-i-went-there/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXX
Date: April 6, 2014
Location: Mercedes-Benz Super Dome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 75,167
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s finally here. After months of waiting, we’ve finally arrived at the biggest night of the year. This is Wrestlemania, where everything changes as the WWE year comes to a close. All the major stories come to a head tonight, as we have Daniel Bryan facing HHH for a spot in the WWE Title match, Undertaker putting his Streak on the line against Brock Lesnar, and John Cena fighting the disturbing Bray Wyatt in a battle over Cena’s legacy. To say I’m excited is a huge understatement. Let’s get to it.

As you may have heard, I was in the Super Dome for the show so this is my second viewing in about twelve hours. I’m still kind of on a cloud after last night so this is going to be pretty biased. I’m much more coherent now than I was beforehand though. If you’re wondering, my seat was in the first set of raised seats, opposite the cameras, in front of where the stage turned into a ramp.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Real Americans vs. Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

The Usos are defending but the crowd was behind the Real Americans. People HATED Los Matadores and the kids weren’t only kind of cheering for Torito. The interesting thing is you can see the Usos standing on stage during the previous team’s entrance. Axel vs. Jey gets things going as a LOUD WE THE PEOPLE chant fills the arena. They trade chops to start and the Real Americans want no part of a tag.

Curtis comes back with a running dropkick but it’s quickly off to Ryback vs. Jey. The big guy hammers away but Diego tags Ryback to come in. JBL calls this a stupid point because it’s not a one fall match. This brings up an interesting point: The fans, myself included, didn’t seem to know that it was elimination. It may have been mentioned before the show (probably was), but I didn’t hear it mentioned again before the match.

Anyway Cesaro tags Jey and it’s Diego getting double teamed by the Americans. Swagger nails a BIG clothesline for two but Diego comes back with a springboard headbutt, only to miss a Lionsault. Everyone not named Axel or a Matadore is sent to the floor, setting up a nice double dive from the masked guys that the cameras almost miss. Torito tries to go up as well but gets caught by Curtis. Axel throws him down and goes up top, but Los Matadores make the save.

Torito slips jumping to the top but gets up well enough to drive Axel and Los Matadores onto the floor in a big pile. Back in and Diego goes up top but Jack runs the ropes to superplex him into the Patriot Lock for the submission at 5:40. The fans thought we had new champions due to the lack of an explanation, but the confusion didn’t last long.

A quick Patriot Lock to Jey doesn’t work as well and it’s quickly off to Ryback for a delayed suplex and two on Jey. A middle rope splash from Ryback and a middle rope elbow drop from Axel combine for two and we hit the chinlock from Ryback. Off to a front facelock for a few moments until Jey whips Ryback away. The big guy misses a hard charge into the post though and the hot tag brings in Jimmy.

The Samoan drop sets up the running Umaga attack but Swagger catches Jimmy in a powerslam for two. Jimmy blocks the Vader Bomb with two feet to the face but Ryback plants both guys with spinebusters. There’s the Meat Hook to Jack but Cesaro breaks up the Shell shock. That’s fine with Ryback as he slams Cesaro off the top, only to get thrown into the air for Swiss Death, setting up the Neutralizer for the elimination at 11:44.

We’re doing to the Usos vs. the Real Americans and the fans are mostly for the challengers. It’s a brawl to start and the Usos quickly send them to the floor, setting up the double dive to knock all four guys down. Back in and Cesaro nails a backbreaker on Jey for a close two but the Neutralizer is countered into a jackknife cover. Cesaro counters that into a Swing attempt but Jimmy makes the save. That earns him an uppercut of his own but Jimmy goes up top for a Whisper in the Wind to drop both Americans for two.

Jack counters the Umaga attack into the Patriot Lock but Cesaro can’t intercept Jey who makes the save. Swiss Death drops Jey but Jimmy puts Cesaro down with a Samoan drop. Everything breaks down and Colter begs Cesaro to get back up. A double tag brings in Cesaro to face Jimmy. That’s fine with the champions as a double superkick sets up the double Superfly Splash on Cesaro for the pin at 16:13.

Rating: B. Really fun stuff here but man this would have been better with the Rhodes Brothers instead of the Matadores. Still though, the fans were WAY into Cesaro and the Usos got a very solid reaction as well. This is how you do an opening match to fire up the crowd and the big dives did exactly what they were supposed to do.

Post match Swagger yells at Cesaro while Colter tries to pull him back. Jack puts Cesaro in the Patriot Lock but Colter breaks it up. He orders them to hug but Cesaro Swings Swagger and leaves by himself. I bolted for the concession stand as soon as the bell rang so I could only hear this part.

The opening video for the PPV has a jazz/Mardi Gras theme. It shows a band playing on the street and talking about a good time starting when you lose track of time. “And man oh man have we lost track of time.” There’s a parade with shots of Wrestlemanias past put in as well. One really cool shot shows Shawn ziplining down what I think is Bourbon Street. If nothing else we see the Bellas doing their dance which is never a bad thing.

The wide shots of the Super Dome look amazing.

Here’s Hulk Hogan to open the show to a BIG ovation. There’s something right about having him at this show. He hits the catchphrase to start and the fans go nuts, only to turn on him seconds later when Hogan calls this building the Silver Dome. Hogan talks about his history at Wrestlemania and calls it the Silver Dome again. Hulk finally realizes what he said and corrects himself to some nice applause. The fans are clearly in a good mood tonight.

Hogan says there will be Wrestlemania moments tonight and you never know…..CUE GLASS SHATTER! The place absolutely came unglued when we heard that as people were expecting Austin much later in the show. JBL wants to see Hogan take the Stunner. Austin gets right in Hogan’s face but stops to ask the crowd if they’re ready for Wrestlemania before saying it’s great to be back at the Silver Dome to a laugh.

Steve says he usually beats up whoever he’s in the ring with and the fans seem to like the idea of him doing it to Hogan. They were sitting next to each other at the Hall of Fame last night and Austin has seen everything Hogan has done at Wrestlemania I. WHAT? Wrestlemania II? WHAT? On through Wrestlemania X (which Hogan wasn’t at). WHAT? Austin: “You get the picture.” Austin says he respects everything Hogan has done but says tonight is about the current group of wrestlers to show everything they’ve got for these fans.

Stone Cold does his catchphrase….and here’s the Rock. He immediately hugs both guys and the crowd is just stunned at what they’re seeing in the ring. Rock says it’s a Wrestlemania moment when all five of your senses are on fire. He can see the people in front of him, he can hear the crowd cheering, you can feel it, taste it, and you certainly can smell it. Rock does the FINALLY bit for New Orleans, Wrestlemania and the SUPER Dome, drawing a smile from Hulk and a SUPER DOME chant from the crowd.

Rock says he doesn’t see two of the biggest stars of all time across the ring. Instead he sees his friend Steve Austin and his childhood hero Hulk Hogan, meaning he sees the two biggest names in the history of the WWE. He’s fought both of them at Wrestlemania and they’ve both impacted his career.

They’ve had a huge impact on everyone’s career in the back too, because without Hulk Hogan telling the people to say their prayers and take their vitamins, no one is fighting for Hustle Loyalty and Respect. Tonight someone is going to rise against the Authority (pause for a YES chant which Rock seems to like a lot) and that doesn’t happen if a bald headed SOB didn’t beat up his boss.

Rock says a lot of people have birthdays nine months after Wrestlemania because they watched him electrify the world and had to make some Rock Babies. We get a little rhyming from Rock, saying the three of them could beat up everyone in Wrestlemania history. They all hit their catchphrases one more time (Hogan makes sure to say SUPER Dome) and beers are consumed. All three get their music played as they leave too. Do I need to explain why this was absolutely incredible? I said out loud that I could go home now and be a very happy man.

Oh yeah we have matches too.

We get an awesome video on the WWE career of Daniel Bryan, starting from NXT and going into his rocket push over the last year set to Monster by Imagine Dragons. We even get some clips from his indy days to really show how big a deal this is. It transitions into a video on HHH vs. Bryan and how this is all about the Authority not thinking Bryan is a main event player but Bryan and the people saying he’s good enough to beat anyone.

Stephanie is in the ring with half of a business suit and some barely there leather shorts. She still has some nice legs. Stephanie introduces HHH, who has what was described as a Game of Thrones entrance (never seen the show so that may be way off) with three women in masks (Charlotte, Sasha Banks and Alexis Bliss from NXT) standing around his throne. HHH is wearing a big red robe, golden spiked shoulder pads and a gold mask complete with chain mail around his head. This worked really well and didn’t look stupid like the Conan one a few years back.

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

The winner goes into the triple threat later tonight. Cole says this should be a mismatch, even though Bryan is a Triple Crown winner and a three time World Champion. The YES chant was awesome in person and the place went absolutely nuts when Bryan’s music hit. Oddly enough he wasn’t announced at all and just came to the ring with his music. No Big Match Intros either. Bryan’s left shoulder is taped up after the attack a few weeks ago on Raw.

They stare each other down for a good while to start as a bunch of fans have YES written on pieces of paper. HHH offers a handshake and is quickly kicked down for two. Daniel fires off more kicks in the corner but HHH bails to the floor to avoid a big kick. Back in and HHH goes for the bad arm like a smart wrestler would but Bryan takes him down with a headlock takeover. A hard shoulder block drops Daniel but it’s right back to the headlock.

HHH drives shoulders in the corner but Daniel comes back with his kicks, only to have HHH take him down by the leg in a nice counter. Bryan gets away before HHH can wrap the arm around the post and hits a running tornado DDT off the apron. The running knee off the apron puts both guys down as Stephanie is freaking out. Back in and Bryan goes up but gets crotched. Stephanie: “B+ AT BEST!”

A big right hand knocks Bryan out to the floor and it’s table time. Bryan fights out of a Pedigree attempt through the table but gets his arm slammed into the table. Stephanie: “YES! YES! YES!” Bryan is back in the ring at seven and HHH drives knees into the shoulder. We hit the armbar for a bit but Bryan is able to backdrop HHH to the floor. HHH is able to get up and block the FLYING GOAT with a big right hand, which looked like a slegehammer shot on the big screen.

HHH gets him back to the apron and drops him arm first onto the apron. Stephanie is still yelling at Bryan as she’s just perfect in this role. Back in and we go old school with a crossface chickenwing on the bad arm. HHH shifts into a regular Crossface and the fans aren’t sure what to think of it. Daniel makes the rope and they slug it out until Bryan drops him with a running forearm. Bryan loads up the moonsault but HHH wisely stops and tries a German, only to be reversed into three straight German suplexes for three straight near falls.

The Game counters another into a chickenwing attempt but HHH reverses into a tiger suplex of all things, putting Bryan down on his shoulder again. HHH’s superplex attempt is countered into a sunset bomb but Bryan can’t cover. The running dropkick in the corner has HHH in trouble but he comes out of the corner with a wicked clothesline. Stephanie: “YES! WOO!”

The Pedigree is countered into a rollup for two and a big kick to the head drops HHH again. Bryan loads up the flying headbutt, only to dive head first into a knee. Back to the Crossface and HHH rolls Bryan away from the ropes ala Benoit in 2004. Daniel is able to counter into the YES Lock out of nowhere but HHH gets a rope. HHH rolls outside and it’s the FLYING GOAT to send him into the barricade.

Bryan hits it again before firing off the YES Kicks to the chest. Back in and there’s the missile dropkick into the nipup followed by more YES Kicks. JBL: “Something isn’t right about this!” The big kick to the head gets two as the fans think this is awesome. Daniel loads up the running knee but is caught in a spinebuster. The Pedigree gets two and Stephanie is shocked.

A small package gets two on HHH so he hammers away in the corner with some heavy right hands. Another Pedigree is countered with a backdrop for two but HHH holds on to the grip. Bryan won’t get up though so HHH drives knees into the shoulder. HHH still can’t hit the Pedigree so Bryan kicks him in the face. With both guys spent, Daniel backflips out of a suplex and nails the running knee dead on to send himself to the main event at 25:58.

Rating: A. Oh yeah this was awesome. They played the underdog card perfectly and the fans ate it up with a spoon. I’m surprised they went with the clean pin instead of the fourway but that’s the better move at the end of the day. It’s definitive and clean with Bryan beating HHH in a fair match despite being injured coming in. Outstanding opener, even if most people knew Bryan was going to the title match anyway.

Post match Stephanie slaps Bryan until HHH gets back up and lays him out. HHH crushes the shoulder against the post with a chair again to leave Bryan’s future in doubt.

Mountain Dew commercial.

New Age Outlaws/Kane vs. Shield

Since we’re over an hour into the show and have had one match, Shield FLIES down to the ring after cutting off the Outlaws’ entrance, wearing white half masks for some reason. This is the result of Shield protecting Jerry Lawler from Kane when the Big Bald accused Lawler of causing the Occupy Raw movement. Kane starts with Ambrose and hammers away before dropping him with a clothesline. Off to Reigns (now in a singlet top instead of the full back) for some running clotheslines and a crotch chop of all things.

The floor to apron boot lays out both Outlaws and there’s a Superman Punch to Road Dogg (BIG reaction to that). Kane blocks another Punch but Rollins comes in to dive on Kane. Ambrose takes down Road Dogg and there’s the Superman Punch to Billy. The Shield has Gunn surrounded so he bails, allowing Ambrose and Rollins to hit stereo suicide dives on the Outlaws. There’s a spear to Kane and a double one to drop Gunn and Dogg. A DOUBLE TRIPLE BOMB is enough to end the Outlaws at 2:55. Total and complete squash which makes me feel FAR better about this match than I thought going in.

Jim Duggan and Sgt. Slaughter are in the back playing with the Slam City figures, complete with DANNY DAVIS giving Duggan a fast count pin. Ricky Steamboat wants next but a guy in a suit takes the toys away because someone has bought them. This brings up the required Ted DiBiase cameo to say even in Slam City, everybody has a price. The only possibly payoff is Ron Simmons for the catchphrase and that’s exactly what we get.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Sheamus, Big Show, Alberto Del Rio, Big E, Brad Maddox, Brodus Clay, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Darren Young, David Otunga, Dolph Ziggler, Fandango, Drew McIntyre, Goldust, The Great Khali, Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Justin Gabriel, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, The Miz, Rey Mysterio, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Sin Cara, Titus O’Neil, Tyson Kidd, Xavier Woods, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder.

Only Sheamus and Big Show get entrances. I’ll give WWE credit: I didn’t notice the guys getting into the ring at all as I was distracted by the legends segment. Well done. The problem though is no one knew who all was in the match. Yoshi Tatsu is quickly dumped before Kofi and Cody are both sent over but hang on to stay in. Brad Maddox is tossed and Khali chops Brodus to the floor. 3MB combines to dump Khali though as the ring is slowly clearing out a bit.

The Band gets rid of Ryder and Darren Young as well and you can actually see some of the mat. Henry has had enough of 3MB though and tosses all three, only to be eliminated by Big Show. Show gets rid of Titus (DO THE DOG BARK!) and it’s Cobra time from Santino. Miz blocks the dreaded sock for a bit but is knocked out a few seconds later. He beat Cena at Wrestlemania three years ago and now he’s jobbing to a sock. Sandow is gone as we’re almost half done. Big E. tosses Justin Gabriel.

Otunga is actually in the match long enough to be eliminated until we get a big upset with Fandango eliminating Big E. with ease. We get some Fandangoing but Sheamus grabs him for TWENTY SEVEN FOREARMS TO THE CHEST. I shout because WHY DIDN’T HE GO TO THIRTY? He casually shoves Fandango to the floor and the fans love it. Big Show throws out Truth and dances a bit before staring down at Rey. JBL: “EAT HIM BIG SHOW!”

Kidd goes up and is kicked out by Del Rio as Sheamus hammers on Big Show. Del Rio kicks Goldust to the floor as well and complete the Rhodes double by shoving Cody off the top. We’re down to Mysterio, Del Rio, Ziggler, Sheamus, Big Show, Cesaro and Kingston. Rey hits a 619 on Del Rio but Cesaro counters one into Swiss Death for the elimination. Kofi is LAUNCHED over the top onto the steps but his feet stay on the steps so he can get back in. Kofi gets to clean house with kicks all around, including one to knock Big Show down.

Cesaro Swings Kingston for a LONG time but walks into a chokeslam. There’s a Brogue Kick to Big Show and another one to Kofi for an elimination. Ziggler hits his running DDT on Sheamus but gets superkicked out by Del Rio. We’re down to Sheamus, Big Show, Del Rio and Cesaro.

Alberto puts Sheamus in the cross armbreaker (why?) but Sheamus lifts him up. He takes Del Rio to the ropes but they both fall out to leave us with Cesaro vs. Big Show. A series of clotheslines can’t drop Big Show so Cesaro goes up top, only to be chopped out of the air. Cesaro slips off Big Show’s shoulders, EASILY picks him up and throws Big Show out to win at 13:44.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard battle royal until the end where they did something that Wrestlemania can be used for: pushing a new guy. This is Cesaro’s big moment and a probable face turn for him. There’s nothing that can beat pure strength like that and visuals like Big Show being lifted up are always going to work.

Big Show shakes Cesaro’s hand and walks out in peace. Five referees have to get the trophy into the ring but Cesaro picks it up on his own to make things even better.

We recap Cena vs. Bray Wyatt. The idea is Cena has worked hard and lived off of hustle, loyalty and respect to build his career but Bray just wants to destroy the heroes. Bray started talking about Cena’s legacy because one day his career is going to end and then what becomes of him since he’s built his life around the WWE.

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

Bray is played to the ring in an awesome visual, complete with barrels fire, what appears to be a voodoo woman dancing with swords and I believe an altar. No special entrance for Cena this year but he gets more booing than cheers. The cheers are there though. Bray bounces on the middle rope to start before kneeling in front of Cena and begging John to be a monster and hit him. FINISH ME JOHN! Cena says get up and fight before taking Bray down with a headlock. Bray headbutts Cena several times to take over while shouting a lot.

An elbow drop gets two and he asks the fans if this is their hero. Cena comes back with a HARD clothesline before looking furious in the corner. He hammers away on Bray but Wyatt laughs and invites Cena to do more. John drives in more right hands, drawing Harper and Rowan to the apron. Wyatt keeps laughing (very 1998 Raven) and Cena isn’t sure what to do. He chokes away which is exactly what Bray wants as Cena is unleashing the monster inside. A big boot drops Bray but Cena is angry at himself for losing control.

Bray lifts Cena up for a suplex but slams him down instead in a cool visual. John comes back with a dropkick but gets caught in a sleeper. It shifts into a chinlock but Cena counters with the ProtoBomb. He loads up the Shuffle but Bray bridges up into the spider stance. Fans: “THAT WAS CREEPY!” Bray runs him over and conducts the crowd as the arm swaying begins. Cena comes back with a tornado DDT but the Fameasser is countered into a wicked powerbomb for a very close two.

Cena comes back again and hits the Shuffle but Bray counters the AA into a spinning gutbuster for two. Bray takes him to the apron for a DDT and another near fall as the fans starting singing He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands. Now THAT is a creepy moment. John is able to fight out of a superplex and loads up the Fameasser, only to dive onto the Family instead. Bray is right back on him though and sends Cena hard into the steps. Wyatt says he’s figured it out but gets knocked down by a hard shot.

Now we get to the interesting part as Cena picks up the steps but can’t bring himself to embrace the hate. Back in and the hard cross body gets two for Bray and it’s time for more singing. He misses a backsplash though and Cena nails the AA for two. This kicking out of finishers thing is really getting old. Rowan tries to interfere, allowing Harper to superkick Cena down. Now the backsplash gets two and Bray is getting frustrated.

He sends Cena outside so John spears Luke through the barricade for some revenge. That’s what Bray wanted though so he throws Cena back inside and bends over backwards in the corner. Sister Abigail is countered into the STF but Bray makes the ropes. Back up and a quick Sister Abigail is good for two. Wyatt is smiling again and heads outside to load up the announce table.

Then he goes over to get a chair (giving us a visual of Harper still out cold two and a half minutes after he was laid out) but slides it to Cena instead. Bray gets on his knees and tells Cena to hit him. This is the big moment as John heavily thinks about it but is able to control himself and knock Rowan off the apron with the chair instead. Sister Abigail is countered into an AA for the pin out of nowhere at 22:28.

Rating: B. The match was the usual big match style here with both guys hitting all their big stuff. However the important part here was the psychological war instead of the physical aspect. I’m REALLY not sure on Cena winning, but the story is clearly going to continue in some gimmick matches. That’s where Cena can be pushed even further and go too far with the violence ala Magnum vs. Tully where Magnum went nuts and then realized what he did.

The match worked well enough but the ending leaves a lot of questions to be answered. The biggest of all though is what happens to Wyatt. Hopefully the magic isn’t gone after the loss but we’ll find that out very soon. He’ll be way over in his home state and the gimmick is cool enough to keep him over for years.

Cena celebrates with fans and his dad post match.

Hall of Fame time. Lita got a great reaction while rocking a long silver dress. Bearer probably got the best reaction of everyone, until Ultimate Warrior came out after everyone else. The cameramen were pulling back like he was going to sprint to the ring but it didn’t happen.

Daniel Bryan is examined in the back. They’ve been sticking with the stuff in the ring tonight and I kind of like that.

We recap Lesnar vs. Undertaker. The video talks about the Streak going on for over twenty years with the question being can any man beat the Streak. It cuts to Heyman saying the answer is no, but a Beast could do it. The line of “Eat, Sleep, Conquer, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, Conquer, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, Conquer the Streak” was great stuff.

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

The entrance is very cool this year with 21 caskets with a name and Wrestlemania printed on each one. Punk’s casket is of course not show but they’re all lit on fire in a great shot. Undertaker hammers away to start but walks into a belly to belly. A clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor but he just stares up at Lesnar. Some heavy knees into the ribs have Undertaker in trouble again but he snaps Brock’s neck over the top rope.

Lesnar’s arm is bent around the top rope and they fight on the floor for a few moments. Back inside and Old School is countered but Brock misses a charge into the post. The legdrop across the apron has Lesnar in trouble but they head outside again with Brock ramming him into the post. Undertaker is taken down with a spinebuster and it’s back inside for some hard choking.

Brock stomps away in the corner and goes after the leg to take away the vertical base. Undertaker gets to the floor and limps a lot but Brock kicks the bad leg out again. A not very hard whip sends Undertaker into the barricade and they head back inside for more knees to the chest. The sweat is dripping off Brock’s nose in a disturbing image. Brock tees off on him with rights and lefts but Undertaker comes back with the running DDT to put both guys down.

Some running clotheslines in the corner stagger Brock and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot and a legdrop for two (Brother). A chokeslam gets two more but Taker walks into an F5 for the same. Hell’s Gate is slapped on out of nowhere but Brock powers him up (barely) and drops him all of two feet onto the mat. They do the same sequence again and this time the drop is better but you can see Brock isn’t going full force here.

There’s the Kimura from Lesnar but Undertaker reverses into one of his own. Brock is taken to the mat but gets into the ropes for the break. Both guys are getting tired out there. Taker loads up Old School but is barely able to stand. He almost falls into an F5 for a very close two and follows up with some VERY light German suplexes.

Brock hammers away in the corner (again why?) and gets caught in a powerbomb. Yes a powerbomb as he wasn’t lifted at all. The Tombstone is good for two, which isn’t shocking as you could see Undertaker’s feet in the space between Brock’s head and the mat. Undertaker sits up but Brock counters a tombstone into an F5 to end the Streak and shock the world.

Before we get to the rating, I have to talk about the crowd a little bit. As you might have noticed, I can talk a good deal when I need to. For one of the only times in my life, I couldn’t move and couldn’t say a word. I’ve heard stories of the crowd in MSG going silent when Sammartino lost the WWWF Title to Koloff and that’s what I think happened here. This isn’t something that just happens. This is the end of an era and something no one has ever seen before.

A graphic that said 21-1 appeared on screen and the fans were literally SCREAMING for Hogan to come out and do something to save the Streak. People actually ran out of the building crying because they didn’t want to believe what they had just seen. This is a wrestling changing moment and we’ll never, ever, see anything like it again.

Rating: C+. And that’s being generous. This is being written about 15 hours after Wrestlemania ended and this has gotten about 80% of the comments. Since the match ended, word has come out that Undertaker wanted to end the Streak because he couldn’t perform at this level anymore. If that’s true, and based on this match, I can certainly see why, then I respect him greatly for it. It’s clear that Undertaker is having a lot of trouble moving around anymore as age and his career are catching up with him.

If you watch the match carefully and with the emotion taken out of it, it’s very clear that Undertaker just can’t do it anymore. The Last Ride had literally no elevation, the German suplexes were Undertaker being laid down on his back and the Tombstone was just sad. If the Streak had kept going, it would have become an embarrassment for Undertaker as the matches would have gotten worse and worse.

Undertaker is 49 years old and really hasn’t been an active wrestler in years. Father Time catches up with everyone and it caught up to Undertaker. Points to him though for ending it while he could still have a passable match like this one. At the end of the day, the Streak had to end sometime and I’m glad he got to pick when it did.

Finally, there comes a point where the Streak is pushed beyond the point of being realistic. I’m supposed to believe that a man pushing 50 is able to come out of a glorified retirement and beat BROCK LESNAR in a one on one fight? People, myself included, said it was ridiculous that HHH beat Brock at Wrestlemania. Would it really have been that much more ridiculous for Undertaker to do it? I don’t really think so. Brock may have not been the best option, but it’s certainly not insane.

Now on to more aftermath. Undertaker was hospitalized after the match with a severe concussion and neck injury. If he was banged up that badly in the early part of the match, you have to excuse some of the sluggishness a bit. It’s not a great match, but the reaction at the end more than makes up for it. Brock winning may not be the best option, but I offer the following question: who else was there for this spot? Reigns simply isn’t ready, Cena vs. Undertaker needed a bigger build, Sting would be an even bigger waste and just wasn’t going to happen. Who else is there?

That being said, the Streak is one of those things that is never going to be topped. Ever. Period. It went on for TWENTY THREE YEARS. Hulk Hogan was still WWF Champion around that time and I was five years old. Let that sink in for a minute and realize how big a deal that was. A lot of fans don’t remember a time before the Streak began and it’s produced some of the best matches in Wrestlemania history. Undertaker has won three World Titles at Wrestlemania and pinned all four members of Evolution. That’s a fine career and he did it one year at a time.

Most of the people he beat are in the Hall of Fame and most of the rest of them will probably be in one day (the majority of them are locks and would Sid/Boss Man/Bundy really surprise you?). The match with Shawn is as good as you’re ever going to find and Batista and Orton were made at those shows.

It took on a life of its own and was basically a co-main event at every Wrestlemania for the last six years or so. The Streak was going to end someday and it’s good that it happened under Undertaker’s terms instead of when age forced it to happen against his wishes. That’s your big Wrestlemania moment and I’ll never forget it.

Undertaker gets the hero’s sendoff as the fans chant THANK YOU TAKER.

Wrestlemania XXXI is in Silicon Valley, California. During this announcement, the Divas filled the ring for the next match.

Divas Title: Vickie Guerrero Invitational

Aksana, Alicia Fox, AJ Lee, Naomi, Brie Bella, Cameron, Emma, Eva Marie, Layla, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae, Tamina Snuka.

So AJ is defending and is facing the entire division, as in thirteen other girls. Good reaction for the champion but this is the death spot to end all death spots. Vickie is at ringside holding the title. AJ and Tamina are thrown into the middle of the ring and beaten on for a solid three seconds before it breaks down. Everyone is in the ring at the same time mind you. The fans want refunds and chant for Undertaker.

There’s nothing to call here other than the girls look good in their outfits and Rosa looks bizarre with short bleach blonde hair. Natalya tries a triple Sharpshooter on Cameron, Rosa and someone else but Eva makes the save. A quadruple suplex gets four near falls before Cameron hits a running Codebreaker on the champion. Cameron’s top has been ripped apart and she keeps having to cover up.

The Emma Sandwich crushes Summer and it’s time for the Parade of Finishers/moves that are allegedly finishers because most of these girls don’t ever win anything. Eva, in a swimsuit, shoves Tamina down but runs away from her. Everyone but the Bellas are knocked to the floor and the twins hit some nice suicide dives to take them out. Now it’s time for the Bellas to fight but Alicia and Nattie come back in to break it up. Tamina nails Natalya with a Samoan drop but Naomi breaks up the Splash. Natalya slams Aksana off the top for two and AJ puts Naomi in the Black Widow for the submission to retain at 6:43.

Rating: D+. There were fourteen girls in there at once and one fall to a finish. What in the world were you expecting here? Also they knew there was no way anyone was going to care and they didn’t really try to fight it. Those dives by the Bellas were nice though. Odds are this sets up Paige debuting though as there’s literally no one left for AJ to beat. Or Kharma comes back.

We go to the back to see Gene Okerlund with Hogan. Hulk talks about how awesome this is but stops because Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff show up. Piper begrudgingly admits that Hogan is doing a good job as Orndorff says he’s heard about losing the main event of the first Wrestlemania for thirty years. Piper wants to fight but Mr. T. comes up to even the odds. Pat Patterson, in a referee shirt for a perfect moment, says it’s been thirty years so let it go. Hogan agrees and everyone shakes hands. Piper sound like he’s giving birth before shaking T’s hand is great.

Bruno Sammartino, Harley Race, Dusty Rhodes and Bret Hart (loudest pop by far) are here.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan

Rev Theory plays the champion Orton to the ring. The song goes on too long though as they play the full thing. Batista is LOUDLY booed whereas Bryan gets the hero pop, even though he can only YES with one arm. An interesting note: Cole hypes up Extreme Rules as a “WWE Special” rather than a pay per view, which is a good way to advertise it on the Network. Any time you can get the word “pay” out of something it sounds more enticing. After the Big Match Intros we’re ready to go.

Batista runs Orton over to start but can’t hit the Bomb on Bryan. Orton and Bryan are both thrown outside with Bryan being sent into the barricade arm first. Batista loads up a powerbomb onto the steps but Orton counters into a backdrop to get a breather. Bryan starts to get up but Orton drops him back first onto the barricade to stop him again. It’s Dave vs. Randy in the ring again with Randy hitting the circle stomp followed by the knee drop for two.

Daniel comes back in with a double missile dropkick but Batista slams both guys down for two each. Bryan is able to send Batista into the buckle and hits a string of running dropkicks in the corner to both guys. A top rope hurricanrana takes the champion down again but Batista suplexes Daniel over the top and out to the floor. Now Batista goes up top but Orton pulls him down with a superplex. Bryan is back in again and nails the swan dive to set up the YES Lock, but HHH and Stephanie come in from the crowd to pull out the referee.

Batista hits the spinebuster as Scott Armstrong comes in to be referee. Cole calls him crooked, but wasn’t he crooked before in Bryan’s favor? So the story is HHH had Armstrong do a fast count on Bryan at Night of Champions so the pin wouldn’t count? Was that ever established on WWE TV? Anyway he counts two after a Batista Bomb to Bryan and Batista charges into the post. Bryan kicks Armstrong in the head and nails the FLYING GOAT to take out the Authority and Armstrong.

HHH is livid and pulls out the sledgehammer but Bryan steals it and lays out the Game. The original referee counts two as Bryan rolls up Batista but Orton is back in for the save. Bryan’s arm is exposed as the opponents start double teaming. HHH and Stephanie are helped out (cue Goodbye Song) as Orton bounces the steps off Bryan’s head. Batista and Randy pick up Bryan and load up the announce table. The fans chant for CM Punk out of desparation (this happened throughout the night but never became a big thing).

In the spot of the night, Batista lifts up Bryan for a Batista Bomb and Orton hits the RKO (neckbreaker but whatever) to lay Bryan out cold. The scary part though was Orton who landed square on a monitor. I was genuinely scared he wasn’t going to get up at all. A stretcher is brought out for Bryan as Lawler asks a very good question: why is Batista not throwing someone in the ring and trying to pin them? That’s a problem in wrestling today. So many people just stop using logic because it’s not the planned finish. As soon as Orton could indicate that he was ok, Batista should have tried to pin him.

Instead he just whips Orton into the barricade about five times in a row to lose what they had of the crowd. Orton comes back with the Elevated DDT onto the floor but Bryan is off the stretcher and literally crawling back to the ring. An RKO is countered into a YES Lock but Batista makes the save.

The spear misses Orton and sends Bryan to the floor, setting up an RKO on Batista for a VERY close two. Orton loads up the Punt but Bryan takes his head off with the knee. Batista steals the cover for two and nails the Batista Bomb on Orton, but Bryan takes him down with the running knee, setting up the YES Lock on Batista for the submission and the title to blow the roof off the place at 23:01.

Rating: A-. It’s long and there are some parts that dragged but this was all about making the impossible happen and they nailed that to perfection. Everything else is a bonus and they actually had me thinking Orton would retain with that RKO. It was all about Daniel Bryan though and that’s exactly what it needed to be. Excellent match and it gave us the moment we were looking for.

A HUGE celebration follows with fireworks, confetti (I snagged a piece for a souvenir) and Bryan’s sister and niece coming in to celebrate with him. The celebration went on for awhile after the show went off the air with nothing you wouldn’t expect.

Overall Rating: A+. Let’s see. We had two of the most historic moments of all time plus Daniel Bryan getting to the title match and winning the title in two great matches. On top of that Shield looked awesome, the battle royal gave us a new star, Cena vs. Bray was good enough and the Divas could have been FAR worse.

This show was all about the emotion as we went from joy to shock to more joy in the span of less than four hours. That’s very impressive when there was no terrible match (I can’t bring myself to call a match with fourteen good looking women in revealing outfits to be a bad thing) and the good stuff was really good. I can’t put it above Wrestlemania 17 as there’s nothing here that tops Austin vs. Rock, let alone TLC 2, but this was a very special show and the best Wrestlemania in at least ten years. Excellent show and one I’ll watch many times over the years.

Results

Daniel Bryan b. HHH – Running knee

Shield b. Kane/New Age Outlaws – Triple Bomb to Road Dogg

Cesaro won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal last eliminating Big Show

John Cena b. Bray Wyatt – Attitude Adjustment

Brock Lesnar b. Undertaker – F5

AJ Lee b. Aksana, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Cameron, Naomi, Emma, Eva Marie, Layla, Natalya, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes, Summer Rae and Tamina Snuka – Black Widow to Naomi

Daniel Bryan b. Batista and Randy Orton – YES Lock to Batista

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

I knocked this out tonight instead of Thursday so we’ll see how this goes early instead of waiting for showtime.

Smackdown
Date: July 30, 2015
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Jimmy Uso, Jerry Lawler, Tom Phillips

Smackdown has the potential to be interesting this week as we could get some more midcard build for Summerslam, which could be some of the more interesting stuff going on in WWE at the moment. The big story is likely to be Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens, which could be the match of the night at the pay per view. I don’t like that many could’s. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Seth Rollins to open things up. Seth: “SO WHAT?” Those are the words he’s heard so many times over the year. He heard them when he was the first person to cash in Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania and the man who stood toe to toe with Brock Lesnar at Battleground and came out with the title. This past Monday he reached his breaking point and the victim of his rage was John Cena, who went to the emergency room with a broken nose.

We see a clip of the knee that broke Cena’s nose and Rollins calls himself an artist, but here’s Cesaro to interrupt. Cesaro really doesn’t want to hear Rollins go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how great he thinks he is like he does every single week. See, Rollins is leaving out the part where Cena made him tap out. Rollins calls it a strategic move that he made because he has bigger things to worry about than the US Title. Cesaro says he’ll see Rollins later tonight, unless they both want to have their match right now.

Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins

Non-title. Cesaro goes after the leg with some dragon screw leg whips to start but the threat of a Sharpshooter sends the champ bailing to the floor. Cue Kevin Owens to watch as we take a break. Back with Rollins holding a headlock and Owens’ head holding a headset for commentary. Cesaro double stomps Seth for two and catches a diving Rollins in midair. That’s not enough of a power display for Cesaro though so he throws Rollins up for a suplex. As I say every week, that man is scary strong.

Rollins is able to send him into the buckle with the release Downward Spiral and now it’s Seth with the European uppercuts for a change of pace. A chinlock doesn’t get Rollins very far as Cesaro powers out (I’m as shocked as you are) with a belly to back suplex. Cesaro loads up the Swing but Owens comes in for the DQ at 8:35.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but it didn’t have enough time to go anywhere, especially with a good chunk of this match taking place in the commercial. Cesaro vs. Owens could be one heck of a brawl, especially if they let them have fifteen minutes or so. I mean, it’s a four hour show so there’s no reason every match shouldn’t have a lot of time right? Assuming there’s no lame musical guest so……yeah Cesaro vs. Owens is going to be lucky to get eight minutes right?

Owens lays out Cesaro and Rollins gets in a few shots of his own.

Los Matadores/Lucha Dragons vs. New Day/Ascension

Weren’t the two masked teams fighting on Monday? Before the match, New Day says the Lucha Dragons and Los Matadores could be #1 contenders, so if New Day wins tonight, they should be the #1 contenders! After some WAY over the top introductions, it’s Woods on the floor as Diego leg sweeps Viktor to start. A slingshot elbow from Diego sets up a slingshot hilo from Sin Cara, who starts working on the arm.

It’s off to Konnor for some hard kicks to the ribs before New Day breaks up a dive and sends Cara out to the floor. Well that sucks. Back from a break with Woods calling Cara stupid as the villains take turns stomping away in the corner. Viktor’s chinlock doesn’t work very well as the Players say they’d love to face the Usos. Big E. holds Cara for a running knee to the face (well mask) from Kofi as Woods is still going on.

Darren passes the time by wearing glasses and taking notes. That’s not something you often see but it makes sense. Viktor runs Cara over for two more as hear about Big E. making Young sick for some reason that Young doesn’t want to get into. A Crossface keeps Cara in trouble but he finally avoids a charge, allowing for the Kalisto. Everything breaks down and Kalisto kicks Big E. down, leaving Torito to hit a kind of 619 to knock Woods silly. Big E. loads up the Midnight Hour but Viktor takes Kofi’s tag, only to get rolled up by Kalisto for the pin at 10:10.

Rating: C+. Standard face in peril tag match here but I liked Woods on the floor and the Players on commentary. They’re setting up some decent stuff here with the division, but it says a lot that the NXT tag team division has equal depth with half the roster. I could see a big multi-team match at Summerslam, even though I’m really not a fan of them. Just give me a feud with a story.

Owens is told that the Authority has made Owens/Rollins vs. Cesaro/whomever he can find. Kevin isn’t pleased and is going to take it out on Cesaro’s partner.

Video on Becky Lynch, complete with some old school pictures of her in Japan with Natalya.

Luke Harper says Bray Wyatt saved him by showing him the truth so now Harper has everything he needs. Wyatt talks about Harper liking where he is now and deciding to stay. Anyone but you Roman.

Rusev comes out for his match but first up he and Summer have something to say…..about the fish thing from Raw. Lana ruined the hot Summer because she’s jealous and now Rusev would never fall for her again. After winning tonight, Rusev is going to take Summer and Dog Ziggler for a walk anywhere but Oklahoma. Maybe they’ll lay on a blanket, stare into each other’s eyes and….oh geez here we go again.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger

SERIOUSLY??? Well to be fair we’re in Oklahoma and Swagger hasn’t lost to Rusev recently. Swagger starts with some AMERICAN armdrags to send Rusev outside as Tom makes the mistake of talking about their rivalry last year, because that’s so thrilling to hear about. Back in and Swagger wrestles him to the mat but Rusev just throws him into the corner and drives a knee into the face.

Rusev starts in on the back but since Swagger used to be something years ago, Rusev can’t just beat him in three minutes and shorten our agony. The slow stomping continues as the fans try to believe. So Oklahoma is the new center of delusion? Swagger comes back with some clotheslines and punches in the corner, only to have Rusev blast him in the face as we go to a break, because this feud just has to keep going. Back with Rusev holding a front facelock as the fans are already dying.

Swagger fights up and kicks Rusev’s ducked face but the Vader Bomb misses. Instead Jack plants him with a belly to belly and is promptly nailed with a spinwheel kick. The back and forth continues as Swagger goes after the leg to set up the Vader Bomb. Tom: “What is it going to take to put away Rusev?” A different opponent Tom. The superkick sets up the Accolade so Swagger can tap to Rusev at 14:40, because that’s the entirety of Swagger’s job description.

Rating: D. I know I wanted the old Rusev back but did we really need to see ANOTHER destruction of Jack Swagger? I know he isn’t ever going anywhere but good grief we get the point already. Find ANYONE else, even if it’s some rookie jobber, for Rusev to beat up every time you want to do Rusev vs. Swagger because it’s dead.

Post match Swagger pulls himself up and avoids a charge, followed by the Patriot Lock to Rusev for Oklahoma’s consolation prize.

Cesaro isn’t going to hunt for a partner because no one here owes him anything. He’s gotten here on his own (I’d try to forget the Heyman era too) and if he has to, he’ll fight on his own. I liked this but Cesaro can’t connect to me so maybe it’s a desire for nachos that I’m interpreting as caring about a wrestler.

We recap Neville vs. Stardust. It might not lead anywhere, but it’s certainly different.

Stardust vs. R-Truth

R-Truth has been using that theme song for over 12 years. When is it time that he gets started? He’s really bad about procrastinating. They run the ropes to start and we get a bit of an awkward pause as Truth has to hit a running fist to take over. Stardust gets in some shots, R-Truth gets in his kicks, Stardust sends him into the buckle and the Queen’s Crossbow (Cross Rhodes) is good for the pin at 2:01.

Stardust says Neville has failed this city (a line from Arrow) so here’s Neville to save Truth from further beating. Again, nothing great, but I’m kind of liking this.

Sheamus says he kicked Orton in the face on Monday for Orton showing him up at Battleground. He did it because he’s a real man, unlike Orton who just thinks he’s a real man. How many REAL MAN characters are there going these days? The idea of WWE without Orton is like Oklahoma without Tulsa: a dream come true. Hey, did you know that Vince hates Oklahoma?

Video on Undertaker vs. Lesnar. Brock is back on Monday.

Cesaro/??? vs. Kevin Owens/Seth Rollins

Cesaro is here alone until Dean Ambrose comes down as a surprise. It’s a big brawl before the bell with the good guys cleaning house twice in a row as we wait for the opening bell. We take a break and come back with the bell (THANK YOU!), meaning it’s Dean vs. Seth before Cesaro quickly comes in to keep the champ on the mat. Owens gets punched off the apron but the distraction lets Rollins gets in a shot to take over.

The bad guys take over with Owens firing off knees in the corner and it’s back to Rollins for a chinlock. Back to Owens for some right hands for two (seriously?) and a chinlock of his own. Rollins comes back in and misses the top rope knee to the head, allowing the hot tag to Dean. He backdrops Seth to the floor for a suicide dive. Dean’s superplex doesn’t work as well as Rollins counters into a buckle bomb for two. You wouldn’t expect a power move like that to work for someone like Rollins but he makes it look good.

The top rope knee to the head and low superkick get two more but Owens takes too much time going up and gets crotched for his efforts. You don’t try to superplex Kevin Owens though as he counters into the swinging superplex for another near fall as Cesaro dives in with a double stomp for the save. The backsplash misses too and it’s the real hot tag to Cesaro.

That kind of reverse Angle Slam sets up the Crossface on Owens but Rollins’ attempt at a save earns him a Swing. Cesaro clotheslines Owens outside, leaving Dean to stop Rollins from diving on the two of them. Instead Dean superplexes Rollins down, only to have Owens try the Pop Up Powerbomb. Dean is ready though and slips out, setting up a rollup from Cesaro for the pin on Kevin at 14:03.

Rating: B-. I had a better time with this than I was expecting as it felt like an old Coliseum Video exclusive where they took two random pairings and gave them time to have a fun match. It’s nice to see Cesaro getting a big win for a change, but I’m not sure where Owens goes if he loses at Summerslam.

Overall Rating: C. The main event and Rusev vs. Swagger mess cancel each other out so we’ll say the show was in the middle. I can easily live with Smackdown as a wrestling heavy show focusing on the midcard instead of the lame show it’s been for so long, though I have almost no faith in WWE to keep this up. Maybe they’ll start fixing things when Smackdown moves to USA in January, but I don’t have a reason to get my hopes up. Fun enough show this week if you ignore the really dull Rusev vs. Swagger mess.

Results

Cesaro b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Kevin Owens interfered

Los Matadores/Lucha Dragons b. New Day/Ascension – Rollup to Viktor

Rusev b. Jack Swagger – Accolade

Stardust b. R-Truth – Queen’s Crossbow

Cesaro/Dean Ambrose b. Kevin Owens/Seth Rollins – Rollup to Owens

I was looking back at an old NXT review from December 11, 2013.  Here’s my take on Ascension back then.

There’s really no one left for Ascension to beat in NXT but they would die on the main roster. The skills are there, but can you imagine Cole trying to talk about these guys? They would be buried by the commentary so badly that they’d be lucky to get a win over Los Matadores.

Have they even beaten Los Matadores?  I don’t believe so.

Elimination Chamber 2015
Date: May 29, 2015
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Jerry Lawler

It’s another pay per view just two weeks after Payback but the card has been put together fairly well this time. The main event this time is WWE World Champion Seth Rollins defending against Dean Ambrose, plus the Tag Team Titles and Intercontinental Title being decided inside the Chamber, both for the first time ever. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Zack Ryder vs. Stardust

Bonus match. Ryder had a decent match against Cena on Monday so it’s nice to see him get a PPV spot, even if it’s something like this. Stardust hits some shoulders to start but Zack punches him to the floor for a quick baseball slide. Back in and the announcers talk about the World Title match as Stardust cranks on the arm. That goes nowhere so let’s talk about Love Boat.

Ryder fights back up as the announcers transition into a discussion of Arrow’s Stephen Amell wanting to fight Stardust at some point. JBL promises us a new move from Stardust called the Queen’s Crossbow (Arrow reference), which winds up being Cross Rhodes and it puts Ryder out at 5:53.

Rating: D. Well so much for Ryder. He had a nice little comeback and the fans liked him, but we need to keep Stardust strong for a match with a celebrity which is probably coming at Summerslam. Nothing match here and that’s the problem with pre-show matches. Ryder could be very good in a midcard role but this is what we’re stuck with instead. Joy indeed.

It’s time for MizTV with special guest Daniel Bryan. We look at Bryan vacating the title and Miz said that was hard even for him. In his time away, Bryan has written a book but his career isn’t over. Miz thinks he can help Bryan with marketing and merchandising and it’s only going to cost him 10% of the profit.

Bryan passes but promises he’ll be back. Miz wants to slap him in the face but knows he can’t so he has some advice for Bryan…..which we don’t hear as Bryan thinks it’s going to be boring. Therefore, he’s brought someone who also thinks Miz is boring: Axelmania and Macho Mandow. House is quickly cleaned and the good guys celebrate. Nothing to see here as it was just a big commercial for Bryan’s book.

The opening video sets up both Chamber matches with a focus on the structure itself. Owens vs. Cena gets some hype as well.

Tag Team Titles: Lucha Dragons vs. Ascension vs. Los Matadores vs. Prime Time Players vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. New Day

Inside the Elimination Chamber, no tags required, New Day is defending, all three champions will be allowed in and we have four minute intervals. Two teams start and one more enters every minute. As the name suggests, it’s elimination rules and the last team standing wins the titles. Lucha Dragons and Ascension get things going (these teams can never escape each other) with the Dragons hammering on the power guys as fast as they can but Ascension starts slugging Cara down in the corner.

Sin escapes and throws Kalisto up onto the New Day pod but they try to pull him down inside. Cara gets slammed down but Kalisto kicks both Ascension members down, allowing Sin Cara to get up and hit a HUGE Swanton off a pod to crush Viktor. Kalisto loads up a dive of his own but New Day pulls him down to break it up, giving us New Day doing the LUCHA dance. Cesaro and Kidd are in next and Cesaro starts busting out the European uppercuts, including Tyson launching Konnor into Swiss Death for two.

Kalisto is still on top of the pod until Cesaro superplexes him down and Kidd adds a springboard elbow drop for two with Cara having to dive in for a save. Only Kidd and Cesaro are on their feet and Kidd slaps the Sharpshooter on Viktor but Konnor breaks it up. The La Mistica mat slam plants Konnor as Lawler calls JBL JR by mistake. Cara powerbombs Kidd as Kalisto is on top of the Prime Time Players’ pod.

Los Matadores, with Torito on top of their pod, are in third with the bull hitting a good looking hurricanrana on Konnor. During the entrance, Kalisto has climbed to the top of the Chamber itself and drops down onto everyone for one of the biggest crashes (or at least the highest) I’ve ever seen.

Torito gets thrown into Fernando, setting up the Fall of Man on Diego for the first elimination. Did anyone buy Los Matadores as a real threat anyway? Kalisto, thankfully able to walk, climbs the corner but gets pulled down as well for another Fall of Man to get rid of the Dragons. There goes my pick of course. So we have Ascension vs. Kidd/Cesaro at the moment but the Prime Time Players are added….with Ascension nailing them as soon as their pod opens.

Titus fights back and throws both guys into the ring so Young can hit his gutbuster on Viktor for a quick elimination. Things settle down a bit with Titus suplexing Young onto both guys for two, but Cesaro pops up and drills O’Neal with a clothesline. Cesaro loads Young up for a gutwrench superplex but Titus adds a powerbomb to make it a Tower of Doom for two. New Day comes in to complete the field but Cesaro and Kidd are all over them with a triple suplex.

Things get smart in a hurry as Cesaro and Kidd throw Woods into the pod and shut the door to even things up. The Swing into the dropkick knocks Kofi silly but Young sneaks in to roll Cesaro up for the elimination. It’s the Prime Time Players vs. New Day for the titles and Big E. gets Woods out of the pod to make it 3-2. New Day stomps Titus against the chamber wall and get his head through the chain.

Young fights back and sends Big E shoulder first into the pod with his head hitting the pod for good measure. Everyone is down but Titus frees himself and starts throwing Big E. into the wall. Xavier gets the same treatment and the gutbuster takes out Kofi for two. Big E. is back up and suplexes Darren on the cage floor, only to walk into a powerslam from Titus. Not that it matters though as Trouble in Paradise sets up a triple pin to retain the titles at 19:34.

Rating: B. This was a lot of fun and the best choice they had on the card for an opener. New Day winning will be worth it for the victory promo alone and the more I think about it, the more I like the booking. Any team can say they haven’t gotten a fair shot at them since it was 3-2 so this doesn’t close all the doors for challengers. I love this protecting the losers booking they’ve had lately and it helps so much in places like this.

Rusev is out of the Chamber with a broken foot. No replacement has been announced yet.

Ziggler is getting ready when Lana comes up. Tonight isn’t about showing Rusev up but about getting the title around Ziggler’s waist. Dolph says that after he wins the title, maybe it can be about them.

Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. Naomi vs. Paige

No one is allowed at ringside. Nikki is defending after Paige won a battle royal a few months back but was laid out by Naomi. The champ is quickly taken to the floor and thrown into the announcers’ table, leaving Paige to hit her clotheslines on Naomi. Nikki is quickly back in with a facebuster for two on Paige. The Alabama Slam plants Paige again but Naomi rolls Nikki up for two.

Naomi starts cleaning house and loads Paige up for a belly to back superplex, only to have Nikki come in for a Tower of Doom. The Rack Attack to Paige is broken up with a Rear View for a near fall with Paige making the save. Naomi heads to the corner but gets caught in an electric chair from Paige, only to be countered into a reverse hurricanrana. It didn’t go smoothly but it could have been a lot worse. Not that it matters as Nikki Rack Attacks Naomi to retain at 6:05.

Rating: C. What was I thinking to question Nikki’s title reign of awesomeness that is TOTALLY better than Trish and Lita’s reigns combined? The match was fairly good but again, there’s only so much you can do other than cram in spots with just six minutes. I have no idea where they can go next with Nikki aside from another Brie feud or facing an NXT callup.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. John Cena. Owens answered a Cena open challenge a few weeks back but said he already had the prize he wanted in the NXT Title. He got in a surprise powerbomb on Cena and stepped on the US Title to show how big of a jerk he was. This set up a showdown tonight in a champion vs. champion match.

Kevin Owens vs. John Cena

Alright WWE. This is your chance. You can elevate someone or go with the same old stuff. Owens is very fired up to be in there and actually doesn’t drop to the floor at the bell as is his custom in NXT. A quick shoulder puts Owens down but he takes Cena into the corner and puts a boot in his face. Cena gets punched to the apron so Kevin can rip at his face like a villain should.

The fans chant for NXT and we hit the chinlock. Cena powers up into an AA attempt but Owens calmly escapes and hits a DDT for two. Owens opts to just punch Cena in the face (I love it when people do that) for a bit before a backsplash connects for two more. Back up and Kevin tries a swinging Rock Bottom but Cena counters into a crucifix, only to have Owens slam him down in a kind of Samoan drop for another near fall. The Cannonball gets the same and Owens says it’s time for Johnny boy to give up.

The pop up powerbomb is countered with a leapfrog and Cena initiates his finishing sequence. Cena loads up the AA but gets countered into the pop up powerbomb for a close two, stunning Owens. Kevin gets crotches on top but headbutts Cena down, only to miss a moonsault of all things. The AA gets two (take a shot!) and both guys are down. Owens nails a superkick and tries his own Five Knuckle Shuffle (because he’s that awesome) but Cena pulls him down into the STF.

Cena tries to pull him back to the middle but Owens kicks him away and hits an AA of his own (good one too) for another near fall. Both guys are down again and it’s Cena up first for the two off the top rope Fameasser. Cole calls that patented, but I’m not sure Cena ever filed that paperwork. Back up again and Owens loads up the package piledriver (his pre-WWE finisher) but slams Cena to the side instead of dropping him on his head.

Kevin starts talking more trash before winning a slugout, only to get caught in the springboard Stunner for two. Frustration is setting in so Cena takes him up top for a superplex, only to have Owens counter into a spinning superplex of his own for two. Owens runs to the top for a Swanton for two more and now Kevin is frustrated. Cena nails that big running clothesline and Owens is rocked. John goes for another but walks into the pop up powerbomb for the completely clean pin at 20:03.

Rating: A. My jaw dropped on the pin. This is EXACTLY the way they should have gone as Cena hit him with the best and Owens pinned him in the middle of the ring. The key thing here is Cena isn’t going to lose a thing out of this as he’ll be fine in about two minutes. Owens on the other hand looks like the biggest new deal in years and couldn’t get a bigger rub if they tried. Great, great stuff here and I loved the booking so much.

Owens says he debuted on Raw a few weeks back and started a fight, but tonight he finished it. He has some veteran advice for Cena: it’s time for him to go because his time is way up and THE CHAMP IS HERE!

Pre-show panel chat.

Bo Dallas vs. Neville

Neville has a bad knee coming in, partially thanks to Dallas. The knee is fine enough for Neville to do his flips out of the corner before sending Bo to the floor to avoid a Red Arrow attempt. That’s fine with Neville as he hits a huge moonsault to the floor. Back in and Neville puts on a chinlock (rare sight for a good guy) but Bo gets to the ropes (“LET ME GO!”). He offers peace but starts elbowing Neville in the face and gets two off a running forearm.

Off to a cravate on Neville to slow things way down as the announcers talk about football from the 1960s. Back up and Bo elbows him in the head, only to be sent out to the floor. Bo’s stunned look is great. Neville comes back with kicks to the head and a running forearm, followed by a standing shooting star for two. The Bodog is countered and the Red Arrow connects for the pin at 9:07.

Rating: C-. Nothing great here as it was basically a long TV match. Neville winning was the right call as Bo can be back off another cheesy promo, but Neville gets a nice push with a win he should have gotten. The knee didn’t go anywhere, but at least there was a story coming into the match.

Reigns and Ambrose are in the back when HHH comes in and bans Reigns from ringside. If Reigns interferes, Ambrose will be disqualified. You mean like in any match?

The Chamber is lowered.

Intercontinental Title: Sheamus vs. Ryback vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. King Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. ???

The title is vacant coming in due to Daniel Bryan vacating it due to injury. There are four minute intervals again and Rusev’s replacement is……Mark Henry. Bray Wyatt had been rumored but I like this better as Wyatt isn’t likely winning so why give him another loss? Ziggler and Barrett get things going. They trade rollups to start but Barrett shrugs him down and puts Dolph on the top rope for a kick to the ribs.

We hit a chinlock on Dolph for a bit before he realizes this is the freaking Elimination Chamber and fights back with his dropkick and neckbreaker for two. Barrett sends him into the cage and talks a lot of trash until R-Truth is in third. The King is smart enough to jump Truth before he can get out of the pod and stomps him down. He kicks Truth and Ziggler in the face to keep control but Truth gets back up for the spinning forearm and ax kick.

Barrett rolls away from the cover but Ziggler is back up with a kick to the face for two. Back up and Barrett drives Ziggler through a pod wall, freeing Mark Henry to come in before his entrance. There’s nothing the referee can do because it’s no disqualification, and likely because the show is threatening to run long and they need to save some time. Ryback comes in a few seconds later and runs Henry over for two. Henry stands around as Barrett plants Ziggler with Wasteland, only to break it up at two like the schmuck that he is.

Back up and the parade of finishers eliminates Barrett first because OF COURSE IT DOES! The four in the ring pair off with Ryback stomping Ziggler into the corner and Henry doing the same to Truth. Sheamus is supposed to be in last but the door won’t open. Ryback, Truth and Ziggler trade rollups as they try to fix the door before Henry gets triple teamed. Shell Shock gets rid of Truth and a very delayed suplex plants Ziggler.

Ryback’s Meat Hook is countered by a superkick and all three are down. With all three down, Sheamus takes out the Celtic cross that he had put in the door to keep the door stuck shut. Well that was smart. A Brogue Kick gets rid of Henry in a hurry and we’re down to three. Ziggler counters a suplex into a small package for two but Sheamus counters the running DDT. The second attempt gets two but a quick Brogue Kick gets us down to Sheamus vs. Ryback.

They trade powerslams with Ryback getting the better of it and driving shoulders to the ribs in the corner. The Meat Hook doesn’t work and Sheamus tries to get back in his pod. Ryback picks him up before he can get in, only to have Sheamus counter into White Noise on the cage floor for two. The ten forearms are countered but Sheamus hits the Regal Roll on the cage again. A Brogue Kick is countered into a powerbomb into the ring and Shell Shock gives Ryback his first title at 25:06.

Rating: C+. Well that was a surprise. I didn’t like the action as well as I liked the first one but it was still a fun match. They’ve set up Ryback as never having won a title so this was a good way to pay that story off. Ryback has been pushed pretty strong since returning (ignore the loss at Payback) and this was the right call for a step up.

Daniel Bryan congratulates Ryback and presents him with his new title.

We look at Owens pinning Cena earlier tonight. The rematch is official for Money in the Bank.

Dolph Ziggler, Neville, Roman Reigns, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston and Sheamus are official for the Money in the Bank ladder match. More will be announced later.

We recap Ambrose vs. Rollins. The theme is that Ambrose made a bad decision by trusting Rollins in the Shield but tonight no one can help him, including his mommy and daddy.

WWE World Title: Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

Dean is challenging but has to deal with Kane and the Stooges at ringside. Rollins grabs a headlock to start but Dean counters into an armbar. Back up and the champ stomps away in the corner until Dean goes back to the arm to take over again. Dean drapes him over the middle rope for a Fameasser but the Stooges offer a distraction so Seth can crotch him into the Tree of Woe.

A huge top rope double stomps gets two on the challenger and Rollins takes over. We hit the chinlock for a bit followed by a clothesline to put Dean back down. Dean comes back with a sitout Tesshocker (belly to back suplex but he slams Rollins face first instead of dropping him back) for two. The Stooges pull Rollins to the floor but Dean dives through the ropes to take everyone out. Back in and Rollins tries to counter a superplex into a sunset bomb, only to have Dean nail a Cactus Clothesline to put both guys outside again.

More Stooges interference lets Rollins take over again and the top rope knee (really a shin) to the head gets two. Dean finally comes back with a tornado DDT (second person tonight to use that) and the running dropkick against the ropes. A clothesline turns Rollins inside out for two more and the flying standing elbow gets the same.

The Rebound clothesline is countered by a clothesline from the champ and a suicide dive puts Dean down again. Back in and the buckle bomb is countered with a clothesline (we get it) out of the corner but Dean opts to dive on Kane and the Stooges. The referee gets bumped and Dean nails Dirty Deeds, drawing in another official for the pin at 21:48. Lawler: “This may start a new Attitude Era.” Oh shut up.

Rating: C. I don’t buy for a second that this is going to stand so I’m not going to bother treating this very seriously. This felt like a long Raw match instead of something worth watching, and the ending is clearly there to set up a rematch at Money in the Bank. The match was decent but it had the recurring problem of all WWE pay per views: you don’t bother caring about the meat of the match because you’re just waiting on the wacky finish.

And of course it doesn’t count because the first referee says the Stooges pulled him to the floor for a DQ. Dean gets beaten down but Reigns comes down the ramp for a surprise and beats everyone up. Dean and Roman leave with the belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked the show for the most part but this could have been put in a different order to make things flow better. Swapping the Chamber matches would have helped a lot and having Owens vs. Cena later in the card would have been a good move. Still though, for a thrown together show to get people to watch for free and then hope they forget to cancel in the next hour so you get some bonus buys is a decent enough idea. Owens vs. Cena II doesn’t need to happen but you know it’s going to and will likely set up a big showdown at Battleground. Good enough show but mostly nothing worth seeing again.

Results

New Day b. Prime Time Players, Ascension, Los Matadores, Lucha Dragons and Tyson Kidd/Cesaro – Trouble in Paradise to O’Neal

Nikki Bella b. Paige and Naomi – Rack Attack to Naomi

Kevin Owens b. John Cena – Pop up powerbomb

Neville b. Bo Dallas – Red Arrow

Ryback b. Mark Henry, King Barrett, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth and Sheamus – Shell Shock to Sheamus

Dean Ambrose b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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It’s time for a “let’s get people to watch the Network and hope they don’t remember to cancel their free month in the hour they have after the show goes off the air” show that they’re calling a pay per view. This is going to be an interesting show as they only have two weeks before Elimination Chamber, which means we might get something interesting short term to set up for a change down the road. Let’s get to it.

There’s no pre-show match this time but Daniel Bryan will be on MizTV. There’s nothing to see here other than Miz returning and Bryan plugging the book/DVD/whatever else he has coming out. I can’t imagine he’s coming back to the ring already and he probably shouldn’t yet either. I’ll be glad to see Miz back as yes, I still like the guy.

Now we’ll go with the bigger matches as we start with the Tag Team Title Elimination Chamber match. Given that it’s under elimination rules, we’ll look at each team and eliminate them one by one.

Los Matadores – Just no.

Ascension – I’d love to see these guys just massacre everyone in this thing and win the belts like they should have when they debuted before…..I’m going to stop myself there because I’ll rant all day on them all over again. Ascension won’t win, even though they should be a force in this match.

Prime Time Players – They’re funny and I dig the team, but I don’t picture them winning the titles in one of their first matches back together.

Lucha Dragons – They’re the dark horses to win here as they’ve been pushed strong since debuting and clearly have the offense to get the fans into any of their matches. Why Los Matadores still exist with these guys around is beyond me.

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – You would think these guys would have a good shot but I just don’t see it happening again.

New Day – I’ve loved the team and it’s hard not to, but there’s only so long you can keep the joke going. These guys work well together to steal pins, but having them survive five other teams might be a bit too much to ask.

So who do I have winning? This might come as a surprise, but I’m going with the Dragons. I don’t see New Day surviving that many teams without someone catching them and Cesaro/Kidd don’t feel right. The other teams are filler so yeah, I’m actually picking the Dragons.

Off to the other Chamber for the vacant Intercontinental Title so let’s do the same format.

R-Truth – I think I have a better chance of winning the title than he does.

Dolph Ziggler – He has Lana. Don’t get greedy. Also there’s nothing for him to win here as he’s held the title a bunch of times before and doesn’t gain anything by winning it again.

King Barrett – He’s already jobbing to R-Truth clean in less than three minutes. Heaven help him if he wins the title back and is getting rolled up by El Torito next. Pass here and that’s the best for everyone involved.

Ryback – I just can’t see it. They’re playing up that he hasn’t won a title yet so maybe he chases the belt, but I can’t see him winning it here.

Rusev/Bray Wyatt – This is in case Rusev can’t go due to his leg injury, and it certainly seems that he can’t. Wyatt would be a very good option here but again I don’t see it. He’ll take a Shell Shock to even the “feud” with Ryback and no one will care.

Sheamus – This has been the odds on pick for a while now and he probably does make the most sense. Sheamus has been doing well since he got back and throwing another title on him isn’t the worst idea in the world. I’ll take him.

Neville defeats Dallas because there’s really no reason for him not to.

I’m really tempted to go with Ambrose over Rollins for a two week title reign but I don’t see it happening. I think they’ll just go with the safe story of having the interference be too much for Dean to overcome and keep the title on Seth, even though Reigns has nothing to do and probably should come out and help his buddy.

Uh…..Naomi takes the Divas Title and feuds with Paige for a bit, even though Tamina pinned Paige on Raw in another really dumb booking decision.

Now we get to the match I’m looking forward to the most and the match with the best build: John Cena vs. Kevin Owens in a non-title match. These two have been trading shots for two weeks now and it’s going to be a huge moment if Owens somehow pulls off the win. Notice that I said somehow, as there’s no need for him to win the match clean. All he has to do is survive it and hang on long enough to win by countout, DQ or maybe a fluke pin.

This is one of the very rare situations where I’m thrilled by the possibilities and really looking forward to the match for a change. Owens is a great bully character and having him win will instantly make everyone more credible. If Owens is sticking around on the main roster, give him the win here and let him become a star. Cena is going to be fine about ten seconds after the match so does it really matter? Just let Owens win and be done with it. Look at Mick Foley winning his first World Title: everyone remembers the win and no one remembers that he dropped it less than three weeks later because only the win matters.

Overall, I’m looking forward to this show, but there’s a good chance it’s going to be a massive disappointment. There’s only so much you can expect from WWE without them rounding back into form, just like they did this past Monday on Raw. There’s bound to be something good on the show though and if there’s more than a few good things, Sunday could be really, really special.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: May 28, 2015
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Jerry Lawler

I’ve been saying this too often lately but it’s the go home show for a pay per view. The big stories going into this Sunday are the two Elimination Chamber matches as well as the World Title match between champion Seth Rollins and challenger Dean Ambrose. They haven’t really had time to put together a great story so I’m assuming tonight is going to have some hard selling. Or some lame matches that keep everything where it was coming out of Raw. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Dean Ambrose to recap the arrest angle from Raw that magically ended right before the show went off the air because that’s how wrestling works these days and the words “TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED!” are all four letters long now. Ambrose was sitting in his cell and thought he had one person to call: Roman Reigns. He asked Reigns to buy him some time so he could figure out a way out of the cell.

The help he needed came from WWE’s Youtube channel because it was clear that Rollins shoved the cameraman into him. That was more than enough to clear his name and since he’s been in a lot of metropolitan jails in this country, it only took some pictures and autographs to get a police escort to back to the arena on time. Tonight there’s a rematch of Raw’s tag match, but this Sunday there’s going to be a fight for the finest prize in this industry. Stupid story on Monday aside, this was a good promo that got to the point for Sunday.

Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. Lucha Dragons

The other four teams in the Chamber match are lumberjacks. Cara and Kidd get things going with Tyson bouncing off the ropes (upside down that is) to counter a wristlock into an armdrag to send Cara to the floor. Cesaro comes in off a blind tag for a European uppercut into a German suplex from his partner followed by a half crab to slow Sin down. That goes about as far as a half crab can go so it’s off to Kalisto, who is launched into the air for a hurricanrana, sending Cesaro outside.

Back in and Kalisto tries a springboard cross body, only to be caught in a vertical suplex. Cesaro doesn’t put him down though as he walks Kalisto around the ring, tags Kidd in and points to him for about ten seconds as Kidd goes up top for a cross body. The announcers completely undersell this freakish display of strength but it was amazing to see. Sin is quickly tagged in to throw Kidd outside for a but Los Matadores throw him back in without doing anything.

Tyson tries a monkey flip but Kalisto dives through Kidd’s legs, lands on his hands and backflips into a headscissors of his own. Dang this guy is good. We take a break and come back with Kalisto fighting out of Cesaro’s chinlock but being thrown to the floor. The Players don’t get in any cheap shots before throwing him back in for a double tag to Kidd and Cara. Tyson makes a blind tag and tosses Sin into the corner for the running European uppercuts. Cara comes back with the La Mistica mat slam for two and Kalisto’s corkscrew crossbody gets the same.

That’s enough flipping for Cesaro as he just muscles Kalisto over with something like a belly to belly, setting up Kidd’s springboard elbow for two more. Kalisto kicks Kidd in the head but Cesaro slides in with a headbutt for the save. That looked cool as he just slid in and let his head hit Kalisto.

Kidd reverses a hurricanrana into the Sharpshooter but Cara springboards in with a clothesline to break it up. Everything breaks down and Cesaro superkicks Kalisto, only to be backdropped onto a bunch of the lumberjacks. With his partner down, Kidd is distracted by Woods, setting up the Salida Del Sol to give Kalisto the pin at 13:19.

Rating: B+. I might be rating this a bit higher than some would but I had a blast watching this. Kalisto and Cara are so good as a high flying pair and maybe the best at that style since the Hardys. On the other hand you have Cesaro who is so freakishly strong it’s unreal. The only issue here were the lumberjacks as they didn’t really need to be there, but they hardly dragged the match down. Anyway this was a really, really fun match with both teams busting out some crazy spots. Check this out if you get the chance.

Rollins runs his mouth to Kane about Ambrose, prompting Noble to go into a story about his aunt hearing voices and being crazy, but her cobbler was good. The looks from everyone in the room are rather amusing. Kane is looking forward to having fun in the tag match tonight and promises a plan to make sure Rollins has nothing to worry about on Sunday.

R-Truth vs. King Barrett

Barrett kicks him right in the face to start and slugs Truth in the face for two. We’re already in the chinlock before Barrett’s kick to the ribs in the corner gets two more. Back up and Truth ducks the Bull Hammer and hits Little Jimmy for the completely clean pin at 2:26. Such is the life for someone like Barrett. I know the line is that no one remembers individual wins and losses (which I don’t agree with for the most part) but they certainly do remember loss after loss after loss after loss.

Sheamus comes out and Brogue Kicks both guys.

We recap Lana and Rusev’s big spat from Monday. The less said about this the better.

Lana seems sad about having to leave Rusev but she’s happier with Dolph. Rusev comes up and says he doesn’t need to throw another fit because he’s already had his way with Ziggler. Whatever Lana and Dolph do, it doesn’t bother him. If Ziggler has to suffer because of Lana, so be it. This was much better from Rusev as he was more condescending than pitiful.

Rusev vs. Ryback

Well, it’s a few months later but at least we get to see it. Ryback grabs a waistlock to start but Rusev counters into a headlock. The Bulgarian’s shoulders have no effect so Ryback lifts him up for a delayed vertical suplex for two. Ryback pounds on him with some forearms but a big clothesline changes control. Rusev slowly kicks Ryback around the ring but he gets distracted by a WE WANT LANA chant. There’s a decent story in there if they can find a better way of presenting it.

A backdrop sends Rusev to the floor (probably where he injured his leg) but he’s still able to hit the fallaway slam as we go to a break. Back with Rusev limping around before putting on a chinlock. They slug it out and Rusev hobbles from rope to rope. He can put very little weight on it and falls down when trying to slide out of a powerslam. Rusev posts him a few times and that’s a DQ at 11:56, which was probably going home quickly due to the injury.

Rating: C-. It’s hard to grade this one as the injury clearly changed where the match was going. The rumor is that if Rusev can’t go then he’ll be replaced by Bray Wyatt, which is probably the best possible option. The injury didn’t seem to be Ryback’s fault but it happened so fast that it was hard to tell. Not a bad power match until the injury but they didn’t have time to go very far with it.

Quick recap of Paige vs. Naomi.

Paige vs. Naomi

Naomi throws some leg kicks to start so Paige shoves her into the corner for forearms to the jaw. Some knees to the chest send Naomi to the floor, because THIS IS MY HOUSE! From the floor, Naomi sends the arm into the post and starts working over the arm in the corner. Ignore the fact that it’s not the arm she sent into the post but at least she’s trying. Paige comes back with some clotheslines and a kick to Tamina before catching a cross body in midair and countering it into the Rampaige for the pin at 3:12.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but the time didn’t let them go anywhere. That’s the problem with so many of the Divas’ stories: they’re supposed to tell full stories in about a third of the amount of time that their male counterparts receive. That being said, there’s only so much time you can give to them when the division’s top heel can’t remember right from left.

The Bellas come to the stage to pose.

Tough Enough package.

Michael Cole brings Kevin Owens to the ring for a chat. Owens cuts Cole off when he says that Kevin has been in WWE for two years because he’s been around the world for fifteen years. Now he can be on the WWE Network for just $9.99. He knows Cena’s numbers: fifteen World Titles, two Royal Rumble, fifty seven different t-shirt designs and over a thousand ways to suck.

Cole asks about Cena saying Owens has to finish the fight on Sunday so Owens shows us a clip of him destroying Sami Zayn at Takeover last week. If he’ll do that to his best friend, what will he do to John Cena? Just watch Sunday and you’ll see it first hand. After you do that, you’ll see that the champ is here.

Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns vs. Kane/Seth Rollins

Rematch from Raw. Ambrose passes by Owens on his way to the ring and doesn’t pay him a bit of attention. Rollins gets in a cheap shot on Reigns to start, allowing Kane to get the early advantage. Seth quickly comes in and stomps Roman down in the corner where he sits on his chest for an odd choice of offense. It’s back to Kane who gets suplexed down for the tag to Ambrose as we’re still in the first minute.

Reigns and Ambrose chases them to the floor and we take a break. Back with Rollins tagging in Kane to keep Ambrose in trouble. We hit the nerve hold on Ambrose for a bit before Kane pulls him off the middle rope for a big crash. Dean gets beaten down in the corner even more and Rollins hits a running back elbow for two. Back to the reverse chinlock for a bit until Dean fights back and takes out the Stooges, only to have to break up a Rollins superplex attempt.

A tornado DDT plants Kane and that’s enough for the hot tag to Reigns. Kane blocks a Superman Punch like he always blocks a Superman Punch, but Dean takes him down with the standing top rope elbow. A rollup by Rollins is countered into a powerbomb but Seth slips out, only to eat the Superman Punch, drawing in the Stooges for the DQ at 12:03.

Rating: C-. There was nothing to talk about here because I saw almost this exact same match with a different ending on Monday. I’m not a fan of having these rematches so soon as this is exactly what happens: what are they supposed to do that they didn’t do on Monday other than how the match ends? Not bad or anything but really dull.

Ambrose and Reigns clean house until the New Day of all people come out to beat on Ambrose, only to have Reigns hit his big over the top rope dive to take everyone out. Woods eats Dirty Deeds and Kofi gets Superman Punched out of the air. Kane and Rollins get back in though and Rollins Pedigrees Ambrose to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Not a bad go home show but as usual, there’s not much to see here other than a really good tag match to start things off. However, with that great match comes a headache inducing R-Truth win over King Barrett. I was sold on the Chamber from the minute the matches were announced though so this was really just padding with a good match included.

Results

Lucha Dragons b. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – Salida Del Sol to Kidd

R-Truth b. King Barrett – Little Jimmy

Ryback b. Rusev via DQ when Rusev sent Ryback into the post

Paige b. Naomi – Rampaige

Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. Kane/Seth Rollins via DQ when Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Smackdown
Date: May 21, 2015
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton

We’re already coming up on Elimination Chamber and the top of the card is already set. It’s pretty clear that we’re getting Rollins vs. Ambrose for the title. However, tonight is more about Payback fallout as we’ll hear from Roman Reigns for the first time since he lost yet another main event. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with Ambrose fighting the Authority and coming up a bit short.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Reigns to open things up. Reigns has some bad news and some good news: he lost at Payback but he had a great time. Anytime you punch Seth Rollins in the mouth, it’s a great night. The Shield Triplebombed Orton through a table and he got to go toe to toe with his brother. However, Payback is gone so it’s time for some big news: he’s entering the Money in the Bank ladder match and you can believe he’s going to win.

This brings out Dean Ambrose, who heard Payback mentioned so his ears started burning. After finding a bucket of ice to dunk his head in and making a wrong turn at catering, here he is. He heard Reigns mention something about Money in the Bank though, and that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Reigns saw what happened Monday and wants Ambrose to have an exit strategy against the Authority next time.

Kane comes out before this can go anywhere, but Reigns says he barely recognized Kane off his back. Kane chuckles but says Reigns isn’t in the Money in the Bank ladder match, because Reigns has lost his last two title shots. If Roman wants another title shot, he has to prove his worth to Kane. Ambrose calls Kane the Authority’s redheaded stepchild and wants to know if Kane eats from a bowl like the lapdog he is. That’s not cool with Kane, who makes Ambrose vs. Wyatt again tonight. Reigns can have the night off.

Los Matadores vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. Ascension

Prime Time Players/New Day are all on commentary (with only Woods talking) and the Players get Lawler to do the Millions of Dollars dance. New Day has some special clapping gloves for the commentators. Could these guys be any more awesome? Cara and Kidd get things going with Tyson trying some kind of a double arm hold but getting lifted up into a powerbomb for his efforts.

We look at the commentators for about fifteen seconds before cutting back to Viktor slugging Tyson down. Fernando replaces Viktor and almost gets caught in the Sharpshooter but Torito and Natalya get in a fight to distract Kidd. Off to Konnor for a Dominator into a DDT and we take a break. Back with Konnor keeping Tyson in trouble but Kidd stumbles over for a tag to Cara. Things speed up as Titus promises sweaty and musky guys in the Chamber. Cara wristdrags Konnor down but Viktor comes in and stomps Cara into the mat.

A nice tiger bomb plants Kalisto but Diego tags himself in for the cover. Everything breaks down and Woods is way too excited. Cesaro comes in for the first time to a very nice reaction, setting up the running European uppercuts to Viktor. Kidd comes in with a dropkick but Cesaro has to stop Diego from stealing the cover. Kalisto gets a quick two off the hurricanrana driver but Ascension makes the save. A big series of dives is capped off by Cara corkscrew diving onto a bunch of people, only to have Kalisto jump backwards into hurricanrana to Fernando for the pin at 8:41.

Rating: B-. Total insanity here and that’s exactly what it should have been. I’m digging the Dragons a lot lately as they’re exactly what’s advertised: high flying and fast paced offense where you can actually tell them apart. However, the more interesting thing here was the commentary. Titus and Woods were GREAT at hyping up the Chamber match here as they spent the whole match talking about how they can’t wait to get to the match and all the violence and carnage that’s coming in less than two weeks. That’s exactly what guest commentators are supposed to be doing here and they nailed it.

We look back at Rusev dumping Lana and her hooking up with Ziggler later in the night.

We get a clip from WWE.com where Rusev promises to eat Ziggler’s American heart.

Ziggler is used to girls kissing him and dealing with ex-boyfriends, but he’s never been locked in a Chamber with one of them. Tonight he has King Barrett….and here’s Lana to wish him good luck. Dolph asks Renee to give them a minute and tells Lana that he knows the game she’s playing. He’s fine with it because she’s good at the kissing thing.

King Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler

No entrance for the King. Dolph tries to take him to the mat to start and gets a boot and headbutt to the face for his efforts. The Stinger Splash and neckbreaker put Barrett down and the bit elbow drop gets two. Barrett comes right back with his spinning suplex out of the corner for two and Dolph is in trouble.

Back from a break with Ziggler fighting out of a chinlock but missing another Stinger Splash. Wasteland gets two and Barrett takes Dolph outside for a toss into the barricade. They head back inside and a boot to the face gets two but the Bull Hammer is countered by a superkick to the arm. The Zig Zag connects on the staggered Barrett for the pin at 8:02. Another day, another clean loss for Barrett.

Rating: C. Nothing to see here but it was a way to set up more of the Chamber match. At the end of the day, you can only watch so many of these matches that mean nothing before we get to another big match later on. It doesn’t help that the same midcarders have been fighting each other for years now and the matches are almost interchangeable.

Lana comes out to watch, drawing speculation that she’s trying to get inside Ziggler’s head for Rusev’s sake.

We look back at Paige coming out to help the Bellas, only to nail Nikki with a Rampaige. Thankfully that doesn’t come off as a heel turn.

Here’s Paige with something to say. Paige says the last time she saw us, it was in her hometown of England….of London! She won a battle royal to become #1 contender to the Divas Title, but then this happened. We see a clip of Naomi attacking Paige after Paige won a battle royal last month, and that’s when Naomi finally became relevant.

Then Naomi found herself a boyfriend in Tamina, but isn’t she competing in the wrong division? This is Paige’s division, this is her ring and this is her house. Cue Tamina and Naomi, with the latter saying she deserves the top spot in this division because of her natural talents. All Paige can do is scream a lot. Naomi says you have to take opportunities when you can and it’s her turn now.

She removed Paige from the equation, quite easily she might add. Paige says she did more in one year than Tamina and the dancing dinosaur have done in their careers. Being a Diva means you have to has personality and good grief enough of the whining. Naomi needs to get over herself but she threatens to clean Paige’s house. The beatdown is on and here’s Nikki Bella for the save. Paige loads up the Rampaige on Naomi but Nikki forearms her down and hits the Rack Attack. I like the story here, but my goodness never let Naomi talk again.

Bray Wyatt talks about people thinking Dean Ambrose was possessed by demons. People used to talk that way and you know what? They were right. Tonight, Bray is going to prove that Ambrose has his inner demons. Dean is in his way so run.

Nikki vs. Naomi vs. Paige for the Divas Title at Elimination Chamber.

R-Truth vs. Stardust

Gah stop having these two fight already. No entrance for Stardust, which at least saves some time. Stardust jumps him to start and scores with a springboard dropkick for two. We’re already in the chinlock which is quickly broken, followed by another chinlock. Truth fights up but gets sent into the buckle for two. Dark Matter gets the same so Stardust takes off a glove, which Truth throws into the air, setting up Little Jimmy for the pin at 3:30.

Rating: D-. This gets a hearty helping of “well at least it was short.” These two are stuck in the vortex of having nothing else to do so they’re thrown into the same match over and over again with no one getting anywhere. At least there isn’t a bag of plastic spiders deciding the finish this time.

Ryback talks about being in the Chamber the first time and promises to devour anyone who stands in the way of him and the Intercontinental Title. Oh and he has some high protein vegan recipes for Renee because the Big Guy is quite the cook. That sounded like a line that wasn’t meant to make air.

We recap Cena and Owens from Monday.

We look at Owens vs. Zayn from NXT last night

Tough Enough videos.

Mega Powers vs. Adam Rose/Heath Slater

Mandow and Slater get things going with Heath being sent face first into the buckle but Adam and Heath hit a double suplex in the name of good taste. Mandow finally suplexes out and tags in Axel for the big boot and legdrop to pin Slater at 3:22.

Rating: D. It’s not funny, it’s not interesting, it’s not creative, it’s not getting either guy anywhere and my goodness I don’t care. At least it’s over a pair of nothing guys like Slater and Rose and the Ascension got to beat these guys. It’s another case where the guys are doing the best they can but they’re in a dead gimmick that isn’t going to help anyone.

Bo Dallas isn’t pleased with Neville bringing up the NXT Title loss but he’s amused about attacking Neville on Monday. He tells a story about a colorful bird flying around his yard when he was a kid, but one day that bird hit a power line. Bo nursed it back to health because he Bo-lieved. Neville has a broken wing, but with Bo’s help, he can fly right.

Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose

Dean takes him down by the leg to start and wraps the leg around the ropes. Bray gets out in just a few seconds though and nails a running right hand to stagger Dean. That doesn’t last long as Ambrose knocks him to the floor for a suicide dive, only to get sent hard into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Dean fighting out of a reverse chinlock and having to avoid the backsplash. Dean counters the hanging suplex to the floor into a tornado DDT. For some reason that doesn’t knock Bray cold so Dean clotheslines him back inside and fires off those back and forth punches of his.

Bray is draped over the middle rope and knocked to the floor, where he has to escape Sister Abigail into the barricade. Back in and the release Rock Bottom plants Ambrose for no cover but Dean dropkicks the knee out. Cue the Stooges for an attempt at the same ending from Monday, but Dean is ready for them this time. A double clothesline puts Dean and Bray down so here’s Rollins. Before he can get to the ring though, Roman Reigns comes through the crowd for some Superman Punches. Bray gets one of his own and Dirty Deeds is enough for the pin at 11:47.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one for the most part, but a lot of that is due to there being no real reason for these two to be fighting again. However, it seems to set up Reigns vs. Wyatt, which could be a good feud for Roman. He needs someone to conquer, but unfortunately it means Bray gets another big loss.

Overall Rating: D+. This show died about halfway through and never recovered. The Elimination Chamber build is similar to the Royal Rumble build: once you establish the people involved, there’s not much to do other than have matches between the participants that have no bearing on the big match itself. That’s the point WWE has hit here, but thankfully there isn’t a lot of time before the pay per view.

Results

Lucha Dragons b. Los Matadores, Tyson Kidd/Cesaro and Ascension – Hurricanrana to Fernando

Dolph Ziggler b. King Barrett – Zig Zag

R-Truth b. Stardust – Little Jimmy

Mega Powers b. Adam Rose/Heath Slater – Legdrop to Slater

Dean Ambrose b. Bray Wyatt – Dirty Deeds

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

This match is so similar to last year’s pre-show match that it’s hard to believe a year has passed. The Usos and Los Matadores were in the match last year (with the Usos defending) and Cesaro was in the Real Americans. This isn’t meant to be an important match and will likely have a lot of jumps and dives and not much more.

The build for this has been ok at best with some REALLY glaring issues. As I’ve complained about already, within the last ten days we’ve had two matches focusing on the managers of two of the teams. The Tag Team Champions and one of their challengers have been a backdrop for a bull vs. Natalya, yet people wonder why no one cares about this story. I don’t see much of a reason to be interested, but let’s look at each of the teams.

None of the teams do much for me aside from Kidd and Cesaro. They’re a good act with a nice balance of power and speed (a proven formula for a tag team) and both guys have earned a title reign like this. Unfortunately the division isn’t the strongest, but at least it’s there. Hopefully Cesaro gets a reaction like he got last year, but my goodness he’s cooled down a lot.

Los Matadores are who they are. I’m not sure what else you want me to say about them.

The New Day……yeah they kind of suck at the moment. It’s a shame too as Big E. and Kofi have the potential to be a solid team, but the three man concept really hasn’t taken off. At the end of the day, there isn’t enough staying power for them because we’re not really sure what they’re supposed to be. Oh and because the only characteristic between the three of them is Big E. sweating a lot. At least it’s Kofi instead of Woods. I don’t mind Woods, but if I never saw him again I wouldn’t mind much. Put him in the white suit and let him talk but leave the wrestling to the other guys.

Finally we have the Usos, who haven’t changed a bit since last year other than not having the titles but gaining a manager in Naomi. I’m sure they’ll do their high flying stuff but there really isn’t much to them that we haven’t seen yet. They’re a nice appetizer though: there’s nothing substantial about them, but they get you hungry for the important stuff later on in the night.

As for a winner, I’m afraid they’re going to give the belts back to the Usos, even though they’ve already had their big reign and would just be placeholders until we get the next big team. I’ll say Cesaro and Kidd retain, in the hopes they’ll be the next big team. Unfortunately there’s no Ascension in this match, but at least JBL, the heel commentator, got a face pop and the New Age Outlaws got their annual PPV shot because they’re friends with the boss. I mean, I’m so glad we got a year out of the Ascension dominating developmental to get JBL and the Outlaws over again.

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There are three weeks to go before Wrestlemania and the big question is simple: will anyone dare insult the memory of Andre the Giant, thereby ticking off the company’s top villain and having Stephanie rip them to shreds in a segment that has nothing to do with what’s going on at the moment and only serves to get Stephanie TV time? Let’s get to it.

We crank up the stupid right off the bat this week as Orton and the Authority opened the show. Here’s the REALLY short version of what happened: Orton threatened them, told them his plan to get revenge on Rollins, said he was kidding, and then, through a series of very convenient coincidences, carried out his plan later in the night and destroyed Rollins to end the show.

Does this company have any idea how to even do the most basic stories correctly these days? Randy Orton is a psycho, he comes back and hurts Rollins, Seth wants revenge at Wrestlemania. Or Orton comes back nice and calm, says he’s seen the error of his ways, infiltrates the Authority and takes them out one by one before it’s only Orton vs. Rollins at Wrestlemania.

Instead, this is what we get: Orton returns as a psycho, calms down and infiltrates the Authority (thanks to Stephanie yelling at him because that’s the ultimate power in WWE), tells them their plan, gets lucky that Stephanie ejected Big Show and Kane earlier in the night, then beats Rollins to a pulp, leaving almost no logical reason to set up the match at Wrestlemania and giving us no reason to have a match without a gimmick, which we’ll likely get anyway.

This whole story has been a mess because they don’t seem to know what they want to do. It’s a simple idea of just setting up an idea and then executing it. Look at this Reviewing the Review. I knew what I wanted to do with it and then started writing it out. I didn’t start talking about Raw, break into a recipe for how to baste a turkey, talk about Raw some more and then end by pasting the third act of the script to Con Air. Just please WWE, stop making up these stories week by week and then thinking trying to fill in the gaps in your horrible logic after you’re done.

Daniel Bryan beat Bad News Barrett and Dean Ambrose beat Stardust in your Intercontinental Title shenanigans of the week. They’ve finally calmed down with the stealing the title and just let the people fight each other, which calms me down quite a bit. The wrestling was nothing to see but what do you expect with two matches not combining to last fifteen minutes?

Connor the Crusher is getting the Warrior Award at the Hall of Fame. If you don’t smile at this at least a little bit…..eh I’ve got nothing here. You should like it.

Heyman and Lesnar came out to say the exact same things they’ve said for two months. There’s no reason for these guys to be fighting other than Reigns won the Rumble. They might have something with Reigns just doing what people says he can’t, but we’re WAY too late for that to work. It also doesn’t help when it’s a gladiator doing what other gladiators can’t do, but at least it’s something.

Big Show knocked out Kane by mistake (this is different than the time a few weeks ago when he knocked him out on Smackdown and it was never mentioned again) for a loss to Ryback and Rowan. Somehow they’ve linked Survivor Series to the Andre battle royal. That’s just impressive.

Mizdow rapped about Miz. This wasn’t funny.

Wiz Khalifa rapped. This wasn’t funny or necessary.

The Bellas made Flintstones puns about themselves. This wasn’t funny, necessary, or anything but a way for me to extend this bit to a third entry.

AJ pinned Summer in a match that accomplished nothing, other than allowing me to look at Summer Rae.

“Sting” narrated a video about his match with HHH. I’ve listened to Sting talk for 25 years and I’ve never heard him talk like that.

Cena yelled at the Russians and told them to respect America. Rusev then beat Curtis Axel in 26 seconds. Axel didn’t get to do his schtick and was completely destroyed. In other words, this was WWE getting annoyed that someone got over with a clever idea and made sure to crush (see what I did there?) him right before our eyes.

The big story here was that Cena came out and massacred Rusev, quickly putting him in the STF and knocking him out before doing it again and making him tap. The only way he let it go was for Lana to give him a US Title shot. Rusev yelled at Lana, sending her to the set of some movie. Rusev could be in major trouble but we’ll get to see how strong he is on his own.

Tyson Kidd and Cesaro lost because they’re champions. What makes it even worse is they lost to New Day, who I like but their momentum is dead. This transitioned into Naomi beating Natalya and Los Matadores beating the Usos. We’re probably getting a four way at Wrestlemania, or at least we would have if Jey hadn’t busted his shoulder.

Bray Wyatt had the urn and talked a lot until Undertaker sent lightning to set Bray’s chair on fire and make their match official. This was fine.

Reigns beat Orton and Rollins to set up Orton’s beatdown on Rollins.

This show was better than last week’s, but it’s still just another entry in a really bad build to Wrestlemania. At the end of the day, they have no focus and it’s showing more and more every week. Look at the Orton story again. He was angry, then he was calm, then they went with angry again. Pick something and go with it, just like they need to do in the main event feud. This week was indeed better, and a lot of that was due to less talking. Fight already.

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