Impact Wrestling – June 8, 2017: Some Things Really Are the Same Everywhere

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 8, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

This is a special show as it’s the first of four episodes to be held in Mumbai, India. We’re less than a month away from Slammiversary and now the main event seems to be set in stone as GFW World Champion Alberto El Patron will face Impact Wrestling World Champion Lashley in what is likely a winner take all match. Let’s get to it.

We’re in India for perhaps the biggest Impacts ever so LET’S HAVE THE FIGHTING ANNOUNCERS! Bruce Prichard says there’s no physical altercations before Slammiversary or they’re both fired, no matter who starts it. You have all these titles and all these stars and big names and you pick THIS to start things off? Honestly, if this is what they have for their biggest or second biggest story, this company is more delusional than I thought.

The opening video takes a long look at traveling to India and how important this is. I mean, it’s not as important as Borash vs. Matthews but it’s certainly important.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Alberto El Patron to open things up. He talks about all the titles he’s won around the world but there’s one left for him to win. At Slammiversary (which he can’t pronounce), he’ll be the undisputed Impact Wrestling Heavyweight Champion. Cue Lashley to say that’s not happening because he’s unlike anything Alberto has ever faced. Tensions are teased but here’s Bruce Prichard again to cut them off. He thinks they should both defend their titles right here tonight with the Slammiversary spots on the line. They don’t find out their opponents until the matches start.

Bruce Prichard ignores a tag team called the Mumbai Cats.

X-Division Title: Caleb Konley vs. Low Ki

Low Ki is defending and wearing the suit again. They take turns driving each other into the corner with Ki getting the better of it off some kicks. A legsweep sets up a backsplash for two on the champ as the fans are VERY noisy here, in a good way. More kicks stagger Konley but he manages to send Ki outside for a suicide dive. Back in and Low Ki hits a running dropkick to knock Konley into the corner, followed by a Warrior’s Way to the back for the pin at 6:35. Low Ki is bleeding a bit from the eye.

Rating: D+. I’m still not a fan of Low Ki and the all kick/feet offense gets annoying in a hurry. The match itself was nothing special and it was clear that we’re just waiting on Sonjay Dutt to come out for the big grandstand challenge. That’s the logical move to make so this was really just a way to get us closer to that match.

Post match, here’s Sonjay to speak some of the native language and say how ironic it is for Low Ki’s eye to be busted open. He wants a title shot and remembers fighting Low Ki in the Elk Lodge in New York City fifteen years ago. Now there’s no Hit Squad behind Low Ki but Dutt has 1.4 billion people behind him. The match seems to be set.

Video on Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle.

Davey Richards vs. Vikus Kumar

There’s no Angelina Love so Davey is even angrier than usual. The kicks start in again with Davey driving him into the corner and then sending Kumar to the floor. A dive misses but Kumar misses a moonsault, setting up the ankle lock to make Kumar tap at 2:44.

Post match here’s Ethan Carter III to whip Kumar with his belt. James Storm makes the save.

Prichard (third appearance in about 40 minutes) is in the back with Eli Drake, who thinks Bruce cost him the Grand Championship last week. Chris Adonis comes up and says the two of them deserve the World Title shot tonight. Bruce will consider it, so we’ll be seeing him again later.

Video on the TNA Hall of Fame.

Josh promises a sparring session next week.

Swoggle chases Spud down the aisle and into the crowd.

Video on Mahabali Shera, who gets to come home to his country. We see him with a crowd doing the Shera Shake. I mean, none of the fans are doing it but maybe they can’t remember if it’s the Shera Shake or the Shera Shuffle. To be fair, the announcers couldn’t remember either.

Joseph Park comes to see Jeremy Borash at his office to train. Park says fighting is in his family’s blood. One day his grandfather Jebediah Park took on George Hackenschmidt in a bare knuckles fight. Park: “And he almost beat him!” They’re off to train.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Lashley vs. ???

Lashley is defending against…..Moose. They trade shoulders to start until Moose runs the ropes for a spinning crossbody and two. It’s way too early for the spear though and Moose nails a bicycle kick. That’s fine with Lashley as he muscles Moose over and out to the floor. They head outside with Lashley sending Moose into the barricade.

Lashley’s chinlock doesn’t last long and Moose comes back with chops, followed by a dropkick to knock the champ off the top. Back from a break with Moose getting two off a running dropkick. Moose hits his own spear with Josh freaking out at the near fall. I’m not sure why he’d be so worried about the pay per view main event changing as it’s been done three or four times now.

Lashley is right back up with a superplex but the spear is countered with a big boot. They’re trading big shots here and it’s making for a pretty entertaining slugfest. The sitout chokeslam gives Moose two more but the Game Changer misses. Lashley spears him down to retain at 16:30.

Rating: B-. Good power match here but Lashley continues to be little more than a dragon who holds a title. Then again, Alberto is hardly that much better of an option and with Lashley having held the title for so long, you can only get so interested in either of their matches. Moose losing isn’t the worst thing in the world as he lost to someone higher up on the ladder so it’s hardly devastating.

LAX celebrates having both sets of Tag Team Titles.

Video of Spud traveling to India.

Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Rosemary

Laurel, still in the wedding dress, is challenging and has Sienna in her corner. Sienna starts fast and sends Rosemary into the post so Laurel can stomp away. Rosemary pops up and stares at Sienna, causing a collision on the apron. A rollup retains the title at 1:59.

Post match Allie runs in with a kendo stick (because Allie is Bayley, but “WWE IS ALWAYS RIPPING TNA OFF!!!” – TNA fans.) for the save.

KM asks Bruce (hey there he is again) for the title shot and does his “you’re lying” schtick.

JB and Park train. It’s funny you see. JB: “We’re screwed. We’re dead.” Park wants to teach JB how to be an X-Division wrestler by diving into a pool. Park: “Pretend that water is Josh Matthews!”

Global Force Wrestling Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Chris Adonis

Adonis is challenging and has Eli Drake in his corner. Drake offers an early distraction and Adonis sends him outside as they brawl into the crowd. That goes nowhere, though to be fair we couldn’t see anything while they were walking so for all I know, it was a Scrabble tournament. Back to ringside with Patron, who is wrestling in a shirt for some reason, getting caught in the Adonis Lock while in the ropes.

We take a break and come back with Adonis still working on the back with a cannonball and camel clutch. Alberto fights back again with some clotheslines but walks into a spinebuster for a delayed two. To be fair the guy barely ever wrestles anymore so asking him to remember to cover is probably a big request. Since he hasn’t learned anything, Adonis puts Alberto on top and gets pulled down into the armbreaker over the ropes. Alberto gets in a few more kicks and the top rope double stomp retains at 12:48.

Rating: C-. They had a match, Adonis used power, Alberto kicked and worked the arm and then the champion retained. If you really want to do something exciting for the main event of your first TV show in India, I really don’t know why you would pick Adonis for this spot but why would you do something that makes sense when you devote that much time to Bruce Prichard segments and Spud vs. Swoggle?

Drake and Adonis beat El Patron down with Lashley watching from the ramp. Moose runs in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This episode really illustrated a lot of the problems that the company has and the majority of them are with their storytelling. This week’s episode focused on Swoggle vs. Spud, the battling World Champions who have half a personality between the two of them and the stupid announcers, who have been fighting for the better part of three months now. That really does feel like the top story in the promotion right now and if they think that’s going to be the thing that sparks interest among the masses or even casual fans, they’re in for what shouldn’t be a big surprise.

On top of that, we had a World Title match on the grand stage of an international TV taping and CHRIS MASTERS is in the main event. He never did anything significant in WWE and now he’s main eventing here, despite not really doing anything other than showing up. I have no idea why we’re stuck sitting through these guys but at least there’s some hope. Dutt vs. Low Ki will be a huge upgrade next week though so it’s hardly like they have no hope on the horizon.

Results

Low Ki b. Caleb Konley – Warrior’s Way

Davey Richards b. Vikus Kumar – Ankle lock

Lashley b. Moose – Spear

Rosemary b. Laurel Van Ness – Rollup

Alberto El Patron b. Chris Adonis – Double stomp

 

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Impact Wrestling – June 1, 2017: Pay Per View is Important

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 1, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re about a month away from Slammiversary 2017 and that means we need to really build up the card. While a lot of it is likely going to be set up during the upcoming India shows, we have a main event already set as Ethan Carter III will challenge Lashley for the World Title in a match that I’m sure won’t be changed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week, including Scott Steiner returning to join Josh Matthews against JB and Joseph Park at Slammiversary and Carter becoming #1 contender.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Ethan Carter III with a barbershop quartet (in snappy hats) plus a violinist and bass player to sing his theme song. They also sing that he’s the #1 contender, which nobody can deny. Ethan talks about getting ready for the biggest fight of his life before having the group sing a goodbye song to Lashley.

Cue Alberto El Patron but before that can go anywhere, Karen Jarrett, Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel, flanked by Tyrus, cut them off. Bruce says it’s not going to happen this way so he makes El Patron vs. Carter tonight for the GFW Title and the shot at Lashley inside a cage. The other three never said a word and really didn’t need to be there.

The show heads to India next week.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Eli Drake

Moose is defending and Drake has Chris Adonis with him. Mantel, Prichard and Scott D’Amore are guest judges here for no apparent reason. The champ kicks him in the face at the bell and tosses Drake into the corner with ease. Drake starts in on the knee and works it over before grabbing a Figure Four to take us to the end of the first round.

Eli wins round 1 and goes right after the knee again to start the second. Josh completely ignores the match to talk about the upcoming tag match at Slammiversary. The leg is wrapped around the post but Moose pulls Drake into it as the announcers bicker about commentary. Back in and Moose dropkicks him off the top to set up a backsplash and moonsault. The knee is too banged up for the cover though and round 2 ends as we take a break.

Back with Moose being announced as the winner, sending Adonis over to yell at the judges. They slug it out at the bell for round 3 with Moose getting the better of it and hitting his chokebomb for two. Drake comes back with some kind of a throw for two of his own. Moose slugs him right back drop but Adonis grabs the foot, allowing Moose to hit whatever he calls White Noise as the clock expires at 9:00. Moose retains via split decision.

Rating: C+. Same as always: it’s a fine match that really doesn’t need the rounds and doesn’t need the nine minute time limit. As usual Drake continues to look better in the ring almost every time but he needs to actually win something of note. Moose is being built into something interesting and when someone finally takes the title off of him, it might actually be a big deal.

We look back at Rosemary saving Allie.

Allie isn’t sure why Rosemary helped her but Rosemary comes up to freak her out even more. Rosemary says she heard something crying out and she knew Allie needed protection.

Impact will hold a house show on August 5 in Staten Island. I’ll believe it when the opening bell rings.

Matt Sydal talks about tonight’s X-Division Title match with Low Ki defending against Andrew Everett.

Swoggle is in the front row.

Allie vs. Amber Nova

Nova is billed from the Garage (Gradge?) and wears a rather small outfit. Allie shoves her away to start but eats a knee in the corner. The comeback doesn’t take long as Allie starts overcoming her self confidence issues and hits some clotheslines. A lot of shouting sets up a running Death Valley Driver to pin Nova at 3:34. Allie hugs everyone, which totally isn’t a Bayley knockoff in the slightest.

Rating: D+. Allie as TNA’s version of Bayley is fine as she’s certainly popular with the crowd and it’s nice to have her actually win something for a change. It would be nice to have her win a blowoff match against Laurel Van Ness to FINALLY end the story but odds are this gets dragged out even further for some reason. Nova wasn’t bad but you can only see so much out of a three and a half minute match.

Joseph Park and JB arrive in a golf cart.

GFW Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Veterans of War

Tournament final with LAX’s Impact Tag Team Titles not on the line and no disqualifications. The rest of LAX comes in to help with an early beatdown (makes sense) but leaves after only a few seconds. Wilcox shrugs Ortiz off and brings in Mayweather for a big hiptoss as LAX takes a breather on the floor. Santana sneaks in from behind to clip Mayweather’s knee though and LAX takes over for the first time.

The beating begins in the corner with Ortiz stomping away and Mayweather taking out the knee for more of the same. Mayweather finally comes back with a Downward Spiral to get a breather The hot tag brings in Wilcox to clean house with the heavy clotheslines. Everything breaks down and Konnan hits Mayweather in the knee with a bat, allowing Homicide to blasts Wilcox in the back with a title belt. The Street Sweeper gives LAX the titles at 6:56.

Rating: D+. NOW UNIFY THE THINGS AND NEVER MENTION THE GFW TITLES AGAIN! That being said, this was a big disappointment as the VOW have already lost a match which is likely setting up a rematch at Slammiversary. I mean, it would have made sense to have them both have a title and unify them at the pay per view but this company has far bigger problems than that.

Park and JB have a really lame psych up segment and Park says it’s time to train. JB: “Have you lost your d*** mind?”

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and Sonjay Dutt is on commentary. The champ is in a suit to continue an idea whose origins probably don’t remember in the first place (yes I know what it is). They trade kicks to start with Low Ki getting the better of it and headbutting Everett into the corner. Everett is sent outside and Low Ki yells at Dutt as we take a break. Back with Low Ki in control and pulling Everett off the middle rope for two. We hit an abdominal stretch but Everett slips out and kicks him away.

A bad looking hurricanrana sends Low Ki into the middle turnbuckle, followed by a running shooting star for two. Everett goes for a springboard but completely botches it (calling Maffew, come in Maffew), landing about four feet away and giving Low Ki two off the crash. Andrew shoves him off the top and tries the shooting star, only to have it land on knees. The running dropkick into the corner sets up the Warrior’s Way to retain the title at 13:45.

Rating: C. The botch aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world but they might as well have held up a big sign counting down to the start of Dutt vs. Low Ki for the title. That’s not a bad thing but it made this match seem a bit like a waste of time. Everett seemed primed and ready to win the title but somehow we’ve moved on to two guys from the original days of Impact for reasons I don’t want to fathom.

Low Ki yells at Dutt.

Lashley wants to make Impact great.

Spud jumps Swoggle and beats on his knee with a hammer. Josh: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???” I’m not sure why I’m so amazed every time Josh asks these stupid questions but it happens every time. Swoggle’s eye is busted and the fans call Spud a stupid idiot.

GFW Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Ethan Carter III

Patron is defending inside a cage and the winner faces Lashley at Slammiversary. Alberto starts kicking away (common trend tonight) but gets sent into the cage. A DDT gets Alberto out of trouble but Carter is right there to cut off an escape attempt. One heck of a Samoan drop off the cage plants Alberto and we take a break.

Back with Carter hitting a charge in the corner, only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A sitout electric chair faceplant gives Carter two but Alberto is up with a middle rope Backstabber to pull him off the corner. Alberto starts in on the arm with a Codebreaker and the cross armbreaker goes on in the middle of the ring.

Carter gets out again and the TK3 gets two more. A Batista Bomb lets Carter get to the middle of the cage but Patron pulls him down and hits a top rope double stomp from the top of the cage (FREAKING OW MAN). Since that’s not enough, Alberto adds a top rope splash for the pin at 17:40.

Rating: B-. Well I’m shocked. They’ve been setting up El Patron vs. Lashley II since the week after El Patron debuted and I don’t know how many people bought the idea of Carter getting the shot after all those weeks of talking about how the GFW Title was the golden ticket. Also, aside from the ending, there was no reason for this to be in a cage and it’s not like they had any chance to hype it up because, as is the case in way too many wrestling companies, they announced it at the beginning of the show and had the match an hour and a half later.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when this show has something to build towards. After all the months of running around like seahorses on bicycles, they’ve FINALLY got something to go for instead of just doing the same things over and over again to little avail. The GFW stuff isn’t interesting and there’s no reason for a show with two hours of TV a week to have multiple titles for almost every division but at least they have something to focus on, which helps so much. Much better show here and the direction has so much to do with that.

Results

Moose b. Eli Drake via split decision

Allie b. Amber Nova – Death Valley Driver

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett – Warrior’s Way

Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Frog splash

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling – May 18, 2017: Thank You Nashville

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 19, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back to Orlando as Impact is featuring the X-Division again, this time in an Ultimate X match. Other than that we have the fallout from Alberto El Patron winning the GFW World Title last week, which is now the top story in the promotion as Lashley doesn’t seem to defend his TNA World Title anymore. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of LAX disrespecting the fallen Decay and promising to win the GFW Tag Team Titles. The Veterans of War came out to clean house. We also see a clip of El Patron winning the title.

Preview of Ultimate X.

Opening sequence.

GFW Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: LAX vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

So the Impact Tag Team Champions are in this tournament too? Didn’t they learn anything from the WCW/NWA Tag Team Title mess in 1992? It’s a brawl to start with LAX being sent outside for stereo moonsaults from Kid and Jr. Back in and Ortiz stomps on Kid in the corner until a crossbody drops the champ.

A Death Valley Driver connects on Laredo but Jr. tagged himself in so there’s no count. Everything breaks down with Garza getting beaten down, including a few cheap shots from Homicide. It’s nice for him to earn his check like that. Or the pile of office supplies that TNA probably used to pay him.

Santana kicks Garza in the back for two but he tells LAX to stop so he can strip…..and they’re nice enough to let him. After that ridiculous moment, Laredo comes in to speed things up. Santana and Laredo clothesline each other and we take a break. Back with Ortiz getting catapulted into a superkick, followed by a Lionsault for two. Diamante grabs a hurricanrana to take out Garza, leaving Laredo Kid to take a Canadian Destroyer and the Sweet Sweeper for the pin at 12:02.

Rating: B-. Good match here as they continue the solid wrestling around here. I’m not sure when that started happening but I’m hoping they keep it up. Now if only we can unify the titles or just drop one set of them as there’s no reason to have two tag team titles around here (or anywhere for that matter).

JB’s fans mock Josh but there’s no JB in sight.

Magnus comes up to Bruce Prichard in the back and wants to know what’s going on around here. Why is Bruce messing with Magnus’ career? Bruce says Magnus is out of the picture now (so much for rematch clauses) but Magnus promises to do something about it.

Video on Laurel Van Ness bringing in Kongo Kong (who she found…..somewhere) to take care of Braxton Sutter and Allie.

Kongo Kong vs. Braxton Sutter

Sutter ducks the fat man offense to start and slips out of a powerslam. That’s about it for him though as a belly to belly crushes Braxton. Kong shouts a lot as Laurel is playing with lipstick. Braxton avoids the Cannonball in the corner and hammers away but can’t drop the big man. Clotheslines and a bicycle kick don’t put him down so Kongo splashes him in the corner, followed by an Emerald Flowsion for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but Kong continues to be disappointing in the ring. I love what Laurel is doing but if this doesn’t end with Sutter and Allie standing tall, I have no idea what they’re going for here. Those two should be one of the harder pushed acts in the company and instead they’re jobbing in midcard matches. I don’t quite get that.

Post match KM and Sienna come in and beat on Sutter while Allie is forced to watch. Mahabali Shera comes in for the save. Did I mention they’re going to India for tapings soon? Sutter issues a challenge for a tag match next week.

We look back at last week’s X-Division triple threat with Andrew Everett getting the win.

Matt Sydal loves the competition around here.

Video on the history of Ultimate X. This is cool, but it would be nicer if I believed any of these people had a chance of moving up the ladder to the main event scene.

Karen Jarrett makes Eddie Edwards/Alisha vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love for next week. Magnus walks by and doesn’t pay any attention to her.

We look at EC3 whipping James Storm. That was quite the segment.

Ethan Carter III vs. James Storm

Well that’s…..sudden. Magnus is on commentary. Storm brings in his own strap but opts to clothesline Carter in the corner instead. The referee pulls Storm away so Carter can hit him from behind to really take over. Ethan is smart enough to go after the injured back before switching to the knee for no logical reason.

We hit the chinlock for a bit as the announcers discuss who may or may not be a stooge. A running knee to the back sends Storm outside but James gets in a kick to the side of the head. Magnus won’t let him use the strap though, drawing out Prichard to eject him. Back from a break with Carter working on a half camel clutch and slapping Storm in the back. That has no effect either so Storm grabs a neckbreaker, only to get crotched on top. The TK3 drops Storm and it’s strap time but Carter shoves the referee for the DQ at 14:55.

Rating: D+. I know we’re coming up on a rematch between these two, likely with the strap involved at Slammiversary, but this was an awkward choice for the followup to last week’s angle. Not only was Storm mostly fine but he didn’t seem to really want to hurt Carter. That should have set up a big brawling segment and instead it was mostly a regular match. Not the most logical move here.

Carter whips the referee but Storm makes the save, only to have Magnus come in and beat him down. That’s not cool with Carter so he argues with Magnus. Bruce Prichard comes out again and makes a triple threat for next week. Prichard isn’t done yet as he tells Carter to go find his testicles, earning himself a shove to the mat.

Spud is coming for Swoggle next week.

GFW Women’s Title: Sienna vs. ODB

ODB is challenging. Sienna wastes no time in throwing her to the floor before they trade splashes in the corner. The head shoves into the crotch have Sienna in trouble but the middle rope Thesz press misses. Sienna pounces her for the pin at 2:45. This was nothing.

The announcers bicker until JB comes out, carrying a microphone. JB has hired an attorney and he’s back around here full time. The attorney is Joseph Park, who I believe we established WASN’T A REAL ATTORNEY BECAUSE HE’S ABYSS. JB is back on commentary so Josh bickers with Park, who he calls Abyss. Park: “You get my insides burning just like my aunt’s famous chili.” A challenge is issued for a tag match if Josh can find a partner for Slammiversary. We have to listen to this build for another SIX WEEKS. Josh leaves to find a partner now and JB takes his place.

We look back at Patron winning the title last week.

Patron is happy to have won and praises Magnus’ skill.

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and this is Ultimate X, basically meaning a ladder match where you have to crawl across ropes instead of climbing in the middle. The champ is in a suit again and kicks away to start but gets sent into the metal structure that holds the cables when he tries to get the belt. Everett scores with the Frankendriver but Lee shoves both of them off the apron and into the barricade.

Back from an early break with Low Ki down, leaving Lee to send Everett into the corner again. Lee throws the champ outside again as the announcers ignore the match to talk about what we’re seeing next week. Everett is alone in the ring so of course he goes with a springboard shooting star press instead of grabbing the title. For some reason Low Ki is up first so Everett dropkicks him down.

Lee throws a chair to knock Everett off the ropes….but it bounces back and hits him in the head too. Low Ki gets back in and punches the chair into Lee’s face, only to eat the standing double stomp. Somehow the champ is up first again and he takes off the jacket to make things even more serious.

Everett ties him up in the structure but here’s Gregory Helms with a super swinging neckbreaker to drop Everett again. Lee stands on Helms’ shoulders and goes for the belt but OF COURSE Low Ki is back up for the save. The champ goes to the top of the structure and drops through the middle, knocks down both challengers and retains the title at 17:15.

Rating: B. Good match, Low Ki’s selling issues aside. This is the kind of thing that the X-Division thrives at but they really need a singles feud that lasts a long time and actually sets up a one on one match. Everett winning the title at Slammiversary would make sense, but they seemed to be setting up Sonjay Dutt for that role instead. Still though, fun match here and hopefully we get Lee vs. Everett in a big blowoff soon.

Overall Rating: B-. Maybe the Jarretts really were the answer, as this show keeps getting better week after week. There’s still a lot of things that need to be fixed (like waiting six weeks for the second blowoff to Josh vs. JB) but what they’re doing well, they’re doing very well. I don’t have a ton of faith in them keeping this going but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

Results

LAX b. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. – Street Sweeper to Kid

Kongo Kong b. Braxton Sutter – Emerald Flowsion

James Storm b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter hit the referee

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee – Low Ki pulled down the belt

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling – April 20, 2017: More Tapings, More Problems

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 20, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s a fresh batch of tapings with this episode being billed as live, even though it was taped a few hours ago. The big story coming into tonight is the lack of Josh Matthews on commentary after his team lost the eight man tag last week. In other news, Lashley will defend the World Title against James Storm after a fan vote. Let’s get to it.

In Memory of Rosey.

We look at James Storm winning the title nearly six years ago. Now it’s time for him to get the title back though Lashley doesn’t think much of it. Lashley: “I’m not good, I’m not bad. I’m me.”

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Joel Coleman/Jake Holmes vs. LAX

LAX is defending. Ortiz takes over on Coleman to start and it’s a suplex/high crossbody combination for two. Holmes comes in but is quickly sent into the corner for Poetry in Motion into a cannonball. The Street Sweeper (powerbomb/Blockbuster combo) is enough to put Holmes away at 2:36.

Konnan talks about how awesome the team is and mentions everyone by name. Cue Decay for the brawl and we take a break.

Here’s Karen Jarrett for a chat. Karen introduces herself and makes a major announcement: Global Force Wrestling and Impact Wrestling have officially merged. After a very weak “thank you Jarretts” chant, Karen declares this the Night of Champions with three title matches (not counting the Tag Team Titles).

She’s ready to bring someone out but here’s Sonjay Dutt to interrupt. He used to be a big deal in the X-Division so let’s make the X-Division Title match tonight’s main event. Oh and let’s throw him in there and make it a three way so he can win the title for the first time. This brings out Andrew Everett (the original challenger) to say it’s his shot tonight alone. Now it’s Gregory Helms and Trevor Lee interrupting, saying Helms runs the division. As for Dutt, if he never won anything around here, maybe it’s because he sucks.

Bruce Prichard comes out and says, on behalf of Karen and Dutch Mantel (So they all officially have power? Got it.) that the main event will be for the X-Division Title. We can also add three more people to the match to make it a six way. A brawl breaks out with Dutt and Everett standing tall but getting into an argument over the belt.

Anthony Mayweather (better known as Crimson) talks about growing up in a single parent household. He’s lived recklessly but now he’s changing because of his five year old son. He joined the US Army after dropping of college and that helped bring him here.

Knockouts Title: ODB vs. Rosemary

Rosemary is defending. ODB starts fast with a discus forearm but it’s way too early for the Bam. They head outside with Rosemary clotheslining her onto the ramp, only to miss a top rope backsplash inside. ODB’s rams into almost her crotch sets up a middle rope Thesz press for two but another Bam is broken up. The Bronco Buster doesn’t work either and it’s the Red Wedding to retain the title at 3:44.

Rating: D+. No time to do anything here but Rosemary winning is probably the best option as they seem to be trying to turn her into something special. She’s held the title for six months already and there’s a good chance that she’ll hold it at least until Slammiversary. ODB isn’t the most interesting character in the world so having her lose makes the most sense.

LAX defends against Decay in a street fight next week.

Bruce and Karen say Suicide has been added to the main event. Sienna comes up to Karen and asks where the GFW Women’s Champion is. Karen doesn’t think Sienna should be that excited to see the champ because she’s coming. No name is given.

Long recap of Laurel Van Ness and company vs. Allie/Braxton Sutter.

Chris Silvio vs. Kongo Kong

Kong suplexes him to start and hits the cannonball. A top rope splash ends Silvio at 1:18.

James Storm is ready to leave Lashley flat on his back.

Alberto El Patron is in Arizona and is going to be watching the World Title match.

Magnus says he should be #1 contender because he’s the GFW Champion and he got the fall in last week’s eight man tag.

Impact Wrestling World Title: James Storm vs. Lashley

Lashley is defending and has Josh Matthews in his corner. Josh sits in on commentary while JB does the ring announcing, much to Borash’s dismay. Storm gets backed into the corner to start as we hear about James being here for the first day. Well that’s what JB is talking about at least. Josh on the other hand is saying he’s the Jim Ross to Lashley’s Steve Austin.

Now it’s a talk about upcoming house shows (no dates mentioned) as Storm clotheslines Lashley outside. Cue Ethan Carter III so Josh grabs a beer bottle, only to have James hit Lashley from behind. A suplex onto the steps slows Storm down as we take a break. Back with Lashley still in control until Storm fights out of a chinlock. Storm gets in a few clotheslines and a running neckbreaker for two. Lashley heads up top but gets pulled back down, setting up an ugly top rope elbow.

Closing Time looks to set up the Last Call but Storm settles for two off a powerbomb instead. Lashley’s Dominator gets the same and there goes the referee (of course). Two Last Calls get no count so Storm goes outside and grabs the aforementioned beer bottle. Carter gets in as well though and blasts Storm with the bottle. The spear retains Lashley’s title at 17:07.

Rating: B. Overbooked (of course) but still good with Carter turning like he needed to and Josh switching over to a managerial role, which is easily the best call for him. I’m assuming we’ll now get Magnus vs. Alberto for the #1 contendership and we’re likely heading towards a triple threat match at Slammiversary.

Josh is very happy with the result.

Dutch Mantel says Dezmond Xavier is the fifth man in the X-Division match.

We look at Chris Adonis attacking Moose at a Border City Wrestling show.

Moose is all fired up but here’s Adonis with his arm in a sling. Davey Richards jumps Moose from behind and will be challenging for the title next week.

Josh is still on commentary.

Quick recap of the main event.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Dezmond Xavier vs. Suicide vs. Andrew Everett vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. ???

Lee is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The last entrant is…..Low Ki, who hasn’t been around here for about two years. Low Ki is in the suit and there are no tags here, as is usually the custom. Dutt grabs a tornado DDT on Xavier while walking across everyone else’s chest in something out of the Matrix. A six way standoff sees Lee get dropkicked out to the floor.

Dutt moonsaults onto Suicide and Everett before sending Lee face first into the apron. Xavier avoids a Low Ki charge and moonsaults onto the pile as we take a break. Back with Everett taking the standing chest stomp from Lee. Trevor throws everyone out as Dutt seems to have an eye injury.

Things slow down a bit as Josh clarifies his status: “I said I’d leave. I left for a week and now I’m back.” Lee keeps throwing people out until Everett Pele’s him. We get a parade of kicks, including Xavier hitting a 619 around the post to Ki’s ribs. Dutt’s top rope splash gets two and Suicide does the fall onto everyone else. We’re officially in an overrun because we’re “LIVE” and you don’t know what’s going to happen.

Everett dives onto everyone but Xavier breaks up the shooting star. With Xavier on top, Everett tries a springboard reverse hurricanrana but only gets his legs on Xavier’s back. Thankfully Xavier lands on his feet instead of actually taking the move. Everett hits the Frankendriver on Lee, only to have Ki kick him to the floor. A top rope double stomp to Trevor gives Ki the title at 19:00.

Rating: C+. That would be annual “See, we care about the X-Division” match. I’ve never been a Low Ki fan and I’m even less of a fan of these multi-man cluster matches as they’re just a bunch of people doing spots until the final spot. On top of that, while it’s very nice to see some fresh blood, I’m so glad TNA wasted our time with the Everett vs. Lee story because HERE’S A BIG MULTI-MAN MATCH INSTEAD! The match was fun but it felt like a longer version of something we’ve seen many times before, which isn’t what the X-Division needs.

The announcers bicker again and Pope walks off. JB punches Josh to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is a really tricky one as they addressed some of the issues (needing fresh blood, better focus on the X-Division, some better matches) but ran into some new issues (the fresh blood isn’t interesting/very good, going with the short term over the long term and thinking a big multi-person match is good because it’s long and messy).

The big story of the night, the GFW merger, means nothing because GFW means nothing. Coming into tonight they were slightly below the NWA, which at least runs some regular events. GFW and Impact merging doesn’t mean anything and is really just a way to add in some new names who weren’t going to be signed by anyone else. It’s nice to get rid of the GFW (likely with a bunch of unification matches down the line) but it really didn’t need to be treated like a big moment.

All those problems aside, there was a definite energy around here and that’s a very welcome addition. Impact has felt stale and dull for a long time now and hopefully this energy keeps up over the taping cycle. It’s a better show than they’ve done in a long time, though I’m not sure I like a lot of the ideas they seem to be going with for the future.

Results

LAX b. Jake Holmes/Joe Coleman – Street Sweeper to Holmes

Rosemary b. ODB – Red Wedding

Kongo Kong b. Chris Silvio – Top rope splash

Lashley b. James Storm – Spear

Low Ki b. Dezmond Xavier, Sonjay Dutt, Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and Suicide – Top rope double stomp to Lee

 

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Impact Wrestling – June 24, 2015: I Want To Believe

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 24, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

Tonight is the go home show for Slammiversary, but it’s also a special live(ish) episode which has been built up as a big deal. However, there’s also the major show next week with the World Title showdown between champion Kurt Angle and the undefeated Ethan Carter III. It’s not really clear which of these are the biggest or which is going to take a backseat to the others. Let’s get to it.

Ethan Carter III and Tyrus arrive and have a great idea in mind for Kurt Angle’s surprise opponent.

We recap last week with Full Metal Mayhem being announced for tonight.

Here’s World Champion Kurt Angle with something to say. Carter’s road to the title stops next week, so why doesn’t he just bring out the mystery opponent right now. This brings out Carter and Tyrus with the former saying Angle looks like it’s going to take an army of 10,000 men to drag him off his mountain. However, it’s going to take one and guess who that one is going to be. Angle cuts him off and says two things are going to happen: Carter is going to tap next week and the mystery opponent is going to tap tonight.

Carter: “Tap-a-roo Kurt!” Ethan lists off all the people he’s defeated and knows he can beat anyone. “Bring forth your heroes and I will sacrifice them on my altar of perfection.” Angle says no one can help Carter next week because he’s tapping out next week. Carter teases coming to the ring but instead introduces the mystery opponent: MATT HARDY! Yeah that Matt Hardy. It really doesn’t make it any bigger of a deal when you think about it extra.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Low Ki vs. Grado

Tournament final so the title is vacant coming in. Low Ki slaps Grado in the face to start but Grado comes back with some snap jabs, only to get chopped back down. Tigre gets back in and is knocked down just as fast but Grado takes too much time going up top, allowing Low Ki to shove him down and hit Warrior’s Way for….an elimination at 2:24. That’s the first mention of this not being one fall to a finish. Tigre gets a quick two off a rollup but Ki kicks him down. Ki gets crotched on top though and a Phoenix Splash gives Tigre the title at 5:11 total.

Rating: C-. I feel sorry for the X-Division guys because they’re stuck with these five minute matches and no time to ever develop anything but it’s supposed to be this big deal. Tigre Uno is just another guy holding the title for a meaningless reign before the main eventers take over around Destination X time next year.

Bram takes over an interview and again calls out any former members of the roster. He leaves and someone with a big glove grabs JB’s shoulder. JB: “It’s time!”

Taryn Terrell yells at Marti and Jade for not taking care of Kong and Brooke last week. This Sunday, it’s a 3-2 handicap match, because why have a title match when you can have a match that belongs on any given episode of TV?

We run down the Slammiversary card: James Storm vs. Magnus, Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie E., Lashley/Mr. Anderson vs. Tyrus/Ethan Carter III. That’s all we have so far, plus the aforementioned handicap match.

Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love

If Velvet wins, she’s back on the roster full time. Sky takes her down to start and throws Love to the floor for a whip into the post. Back in and Angelina pulls her off the middle rope and hits Lights Out for two, setting off a lot of screaming at the referee. A Stunner plants Love for the pin out of nowhere at 5:24.

Rating: D. Yay. I mean that with full sincerity. I’m so glad that a Knockout who was nothing above average on her best day in the ring is back to take a spot and some of the spotlight away from the awesome Dollhouse act. Sky and Love stopped being interesting a few years ago when it was clear that nearly every story they were ever involved with was about the Beautiful People. Boring match here and the ending does nothing to me.

The Dirty Heels don’t remember learning about tables, ladders and chairs in wrestling camp, but think the dirtier things get, the better their chances.

Another playtime is over vignette.

MVP is back and rips on internet journalists. The war with the Rising is still on. It should be noted that these backstage segments are being shot with a really bad camera, which makes everything look like it’s about half a second slower than it should be.

Dirty Heels vs. Wolves

Full Metal Mayhem, meaning TLC but with pins. If the Wolves win they’re champions, but if the Heels win then there’s one more match. The Heels (Austin Aries/Bobby Roode) throw the weapons out before the Wolves (Eddie Edwards/Davey Richards) come to the ring. It’s a brawl to start and all four get chairs, with the Wolves knocking the Heels’ chairs out of their hands to send them back to the floor. Aries and Roode take a breather on the floor but are smart enough to raise a ladder to stop a double suicide dive.

We take a break and come back with the Heels in control and taking in seat in some chairs for stereo chinlocks. The Wolves fight up and bring in some weapons to clean house. They knock the Heels to the floor for three straight suicide dives before a trashcan lid shot/falcon’s arrow gets two on Roode. Davey wraps a chain around his boot but gets caught in the Last Chancery, only to have Edwards make a save.

Back up and a missile dropkick/powerbomb combination puts Edwards through a table for two. The Wolves toss into a kick (with the chain over the boot) gets a very close two but Aries gets caught inside a trashcan for chair shots and a double dropkick from the top. The Wolves load up Aries, still in the trashcan, for a powerbomb but Roode low blows Eddie to put Aries on top for the pin at 18:13.

Rating: B. I don’t care. That’s the problem with this series: it feels like they’re trying to copy the awesome three way tag team series last year but the matches really aren’t all that great. They’re just going through the motions and having decent matches, but there’s nothing that makes me want to watch them fight five times.

Matt Hardy doesn’t think much of Ethan Carter III and doesn’t explain why he agreed to fight for him tonight. Carter comes up and says if Hardy wants a title shot, he needs to kiss the ring. Hardy asks what happens if Carter loses next week.

And now, here are Jeff Jarrett and Karen Jarrett of Global Force Wrestling. Jeff says he’s shocked that he’s here too. A week ago, he got a message from TNA management, who asked him to come back for a match. He almost hung up there because he doesn’t even wrestle for his own promotion. However, they said it was his own match: the King of the Mountain match at Slammiversary.

It brought back a lot of memories for him, such as Kurt Angle jumping to TNA and Samoa Joe headbutting Angle and busting him open and a punk kid from north Georgia named AJ Styles becoming the greatest wrestler this company ever had. Or a team called Beer Money becoming the best team this company ever produced and Eric Young having more TV shows than Ryan Seacrest.

Over the last fourteen months, Jarrett has spent all his time building up Global Force Wrestling, but he started thinking about what his wife would think about all this. Karen talks about all the time and effort they’ve put into Global Force Wrestling, which is now their life. But then Jeff started talking about all his memories and she understood what this meant to him.

She’s still not sure why they’re here, but she knows this is what they need to be doing. This morning she was on the phone with Sonjay Dutt, and it became clear to her that her husband didn’t leave on his terms. This Sunday, Jarrett is finishing this on his terms one last time. So yeah, after all the hype for the hours before this show, it seems that it’s Jarrett coming in for one match on a nothing show and that’s it for now. Some game changer.

Bram vs. Vader

Yes, that Vader, who wrestled one match for TNA back in 2003. Vader is in workout gear and runs Bram over to start before hitting his big clothesline. More power offense sets up the Vader Bomb for two and Bram hits him in the ribs with a pipe for the DQ at 3:40.

Rating: F. Considering Vader is about 58 years old, this wasn’t bad. What is bad is the fact that they actually had Bram hit him with a metal pipe instead of pinning him like he should have done to a veteran like Vader. This dumb, dumb booking is so old at this point, but at least Vader looked fine.

Post match Matt Morgan comes out for the save and knocks Bram to the floor.

Sgt. Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young

This was set up a few weeks back when Young choked Melendez with his prosthetic leg. Young takes over to start as the announcers act like this is the biggest show in the history of ever. Young plants him with a DDT for two and gets the same off a neckbreaker. We hit a chinlock for a bit before Young tries to rip the leg off again. Melendez fights back, ducks his head and gets piledriven for the pin at 3:47. This was a squash.

Rating: D. The match sucked for the most part and I don’t like Young, but this was the only way this booking should have gone. Young is a former World Champion and spent the last month fighting Kurt Angle. Melendez is a rookie with a handicap and no important wins to his name. There was no reason for this to be a competitive match and it wasn’t in the slightest.

Back from a break with the Rising fighting the Beat Down Clan because THESE TWO TEAMS HAVE TO FIGHT FOREVER BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ELSE THEY CAN POSSIBLY EVER DO. Hernandez returns and helps the BDC clean house.

Match #5 in the Tag Team Title series is next week. Also next week: Taryn defends the Knockouts Title against Brooke and Awesome Kong.

Matt Hardy vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title. Hardy takes over to start as Josh (incorrectly) calls this a first time ever match. Angle slams Matt down and grabs a chinlock. A quick slugout sets up rolling Germans from Angle followed by an Angle Slam for two. With both guys down, Josh announces Aries vs. Richards for Slammiversary with the winner getting to pick the stipulations for the fifth match next week. Matt misses the moonsault and gets Germaned some more, only to come back with a Side Effect. The Twist of Fate gets two but Angle countered a second attempt into the ankle lock for the tap at 6:58.

Rating: C. This was fine. Matt was a weird choice for an opponent when Carter has his own personal bodyguard walking around but almost never having a match of his own. Still though, good enough here, even though it was just trading finishers for a few minutes until they got to the ending.

Ethan Carter III and Tyrus come out but Angle fights them off and makes Carter tap to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was like TNA’s Greatest Hits in one night. Let’s see: gimmick match that didn’t need to be a gimmick match, a bunch of returns that don’t mean much, a table war that no one wants to see, a legend beating a young up and comer for no logical reason and a meaningless title change.

When the big news broke about the Jarretts being back, I had hope. I wanted to believe that something was actually going to change around here because I want it to change. I want TNA to be fun again, but instead it’s the same stuff we’ve seen forever: short term thinking with stuff like Slammiversary being treated like the least important show since…..well since their last pay per view actually.

It’s so frustrating watching a company that has so many good pieces consistently screw things up. There was so much potential over the years in TNA but they’ve spent so much time messing up everything over the years that I can’t bring myself to buy into them again. Now it seems like their time is measured in months and then….they’re probably going to hang around because Dixie can talk people into letting her get on TV and then screw up another deal, all the while wasting all the talent and potential they have. The show tried, but as usual they were going in the wrong direction most of the night.

Results

Tigre Uno b. Grado and Low Ki – Phoenix splash to Low Ki

Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love – Stunner

Dirty Heels b. Wolves – Low blow to Edwards

Vader b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a pipe

Eric Young b. Chris Melendez – Piledriver

Kurt Angle b. Matt Hardy – Ankle lock

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Impact Wrestling – June 10, 2015: X Marks A Lame Special

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 10, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re closing in on Slammiversary and the big story is the announcement of the World Title match between champion Kurt Angle and new #1 contender Ethan Carter III. However, tonight is Destination X, meaning Rockstar Spud is getting the World Title shot against Angle. Other than that, we have the continuation of the best of five series for the Tag Team Titles between the Dirty Heels (who are finally acting like heels) and the Wolves. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the X-Division as a whole before focusing on Spud cashing in. However, Austin Aries is cashing in his Feast or Fired briefcase on the winner. There will also be three triple threats with the winners fighting in another triple threat for the title at a future date.

It’s time for the World Title match but Ethan Carter III and Tyrus cut Christy off. Ethan is livid that he isn’t getting the shot tonight so he’s staging an old fashioned sit-in. He dares anyone to come get him out of here so Kurt Angle comes to the ring. Angle gets all serious and threatens ankle pain to get Carter out of the ring.

TNA World Title: Rockstar Spud vs. Kurt Angle

Kurt is defending and takes Spud down to the mat with ease for a headlock. Back up and Spud is able to send Angle outside, only to eat a belly to belly on the floor for a huge crash. Angle takes it back inside and nails another suplex to set up a chinlock. An Angle Slam attempt is countered and Spud scores with an enziguri.

Spud slugs away and tosses Kurt to the floor, setting up a huge flip dive off the top. A superplex plants Spud back inside but he’s still able to escape the Angle Slam. There’s a running forearm to Kurt but he grabs an ankle lock, only to have Spud roll away into an Underdog attempt. Kurt charges into the post and eats the Underdog for a VERY close two, which shocks Spud. There’s the ankle lock with the grapevine and Spud taps at 8:35.

Rating: C+. Fun match but not enough to be anything really great. They did about as much as they could do in under nine minutes, but at the end of the day this was just a few steps above a workout for Angle. The Underdog was a nice near fall but this really was too short to work as well as they were hoping.

Here’s the Dollhouse to call out Awesome Kong. Taryn is willing to bare all to see who the toughest Knockout is, meaning Kong has to compete for the title in a lingerie pillow fight. They have the lingerie ready for her and it’s the only way she gets a shot.

Manik vs. Low Ki vs. Crazzy Steve

Winner advances to the X-Division Title match at a later date. Manik goes after Steve to start but Ki breaks up Manik’s suicide dive. Back in and Manik uppercuts both guys until Steve jumps into his arms, only to have Ki hit a springboard spinning kick to the face. Something like a Codebreaker gets two on Ki with Steve making the save. Steve misses a high cross body and gets kicked into Manik in the corner, setting up the Warrior’s Way to Manik to give Ki the pin at 3:28.

Rating: C-. It’s going to be a long night. Much like the other multi-man X-Division matches of late, this was just a few guys doing moves to each other and one of them getting a pin. What is there to say here? Ki makes sense as the winner but Manik would have been fine as well. The time hurt this, and I have a feeling that’s going to be the case with all three of them.

Grado is warming up for his triple threat later but he needs to lose weight to become X-Division. He teases some Parkour but doesn’t quite make it work. This is the guy that was supposed to be the most awesome thing ever? Not bad but really?

Recap of James Storm possibly murdering Mickie James last week. Apparently she wasn’t physically hurt.

Tigre Uno vs. DJZ vs. Mandrews

We start with the triple headlock with Tigre speeding things up to take over. DJZ dropkicks him down though, only to have Mandrews slingshot in for a hurricanrana. A standing moonsault gets two on DJZ but Tigre comes in with a missile dropkick. Tigre slams DJZ down for two but Mandrews comes back in with a tornado DDT to put everyone down. DJZ is up first for a running flip dive to the floor to take out both guys again. Back in and Tigre shoves DJZ off the top and hits a Phoenix Splash (read as a spinning knee to the face) to pin Mandrews at 5:27.

Rating: C. Total spot fest here with no story or flow to the thing. That’s probably the best idea for these guys but there’s nothing that makes any of these triple threats stand out because there’s no reason to care about any of these guys. They’re just thrown out there to do these matches and that’s the last we see of them until it’s time for another big X-Division mess.

Post match Jesse Godderz comes down to destroy DJZ.

Grado continues to try to lose weight. He asks Tigre for some tips but there’s a language barrier. Grado leaves and Tigre calls him a jackass.

Knockouts Title: Taryn Terrell vs. Awesome Kong

Taryn is defending and this is a lingerie pillow fight. There’s a bed in the ring for the Dollhouse and Taryn laughs at the idea of Kong having to wear the lingerie. Kong comes out in her regular gear, much to Taryn’s annoyance. Marti and Jade are pulled to the floor for a beating so Taryn says the fans don’t get to see her in lingerie. “What a tease I am!”

Cue Brooke to say Taryn promised a title defense tonight and she’s ready anytime. Brooke shoves her down and the catfight is on as Kong is off making Jade and Marti into toothpicks. Taryn is disrobed and runs off. No match of course.

The Dirty Heels are ready for their tag match later, but Roode wants the first World Title shot.

Grado weighs in but strips off his singlet first. JB tells him there’s no weight limit so he’s good to go. I’ve seen worse.

Grado vs. Kenny King vs. Cruz

It’s a big brawl to start with Cruz being thrown to the floor and Grado getting kicked in the face. Cruz eats two running boots in the corner but Grado pounds on King’s back. We hit a chinlock on Grado for a bit before Cruz fails at lifting him up for a suplex. King kicks Grado in the face, leaving Cruz to cross body Kenny for two. There’s a Royal Flush to Cruz but Grado slugs away on Kenny, only to eat a chop to the chest. The Royal Flush doesn’t work on Grado, who sends Kenny outside and nails a Cannonball on Cruz for the pin at 5:18. Josh: “What a win and what a company!”

Rating: C. Another fun enough match with Grado having a ton of charisma, which I can finally see instead of constantly being told about how awesome he is. King not being in the title match is a nice change of pace, even though it’s pretty clear Low Ki is the major favorite to get the belt. Again.

Bram takes over a camera and says he’s going to the ring to make history.

After a break, here’s Bram to run down the X-Division and issue an open challenge to anyone who wants to fight in a six sided ring.

Bram vs. Crimson

Uh….sure. Crimson not being around for the better part of a few years is treated like getting a free coffee from a Shell station. Bram slugs him to the floor but Crimson takes over back inside. That sends Bram outside for a stroll, where he sends Crimson into the barricade. Back in and Bram scores with a kind of t-bone suplex, followed by a Rings of Saturn with a neck crank. Bram makes the ropes and hits the Brighter Side of Suffering for the pin at 4:38.

Rating: D. Well that happened. I’m glad Bram won but there isn’t much else to say here. Crimson coming back got zero reaction so it was nice to see him lose this quickly. I have no idea what this has to do with the X-Division, but then again TNA stopped caring about that thing like six years ago so I shouldn’t be surprised.

Kurt Angle says he’ll win.

Ethan Carter III says when he throws the first punch, Angle isn’t getting up.

TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Kurt Angle

Aries is cashing in his Feast or Fired briefcase to get the title shot. Feeling out process to start until Aries clotheslines him down for two and nails a right hand in the corner. Aries flips out of a German and nails a low dropkick as we take a break. Back with Angle rolling Germans but the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT for two. There’s the Last Chancery but Angle escapes and grabs an ankle lock, only to have Aries make the ropes.

The discus elbow is countered into an Angle Slam for two. Angle misses the moonsault and gets caught in another Last Chancery, which really doesn’t look as good as they’re hoping for. The 450 is broken up by Angle running the ropes but Aries shoves him off for the 450 and a very near fall. Another Angle Slam is countered with two discus forearms but the brainbuster only gets two with Kurt putting a foot on the ropes.

There’s an ankle lock on the champion but he counters into one of his own. Aries rolls Kurt to the floor for a suicide dive, which goes right into the barricade. Austin is out cold and it’s another Angle Slam, only to have Aries counter into a rollup for two. Now the ankle lock with the grapevine makes Austin tap at 18:00.

Rating: B. Good main event match here but Angle is long past the point where you can call his spots in the big matches. How many times has someone put Kurt in the ankle lock, only to get countered into the same hold? Aries is his usual awesome self, but he needs something more than just being in a tag team that he’s already been in.

Ethan Carter III comes in and lays Angle out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It gets really tiring seeing TNA pay lip service to the X-Division and then abandon it for the next ten and a half months every single year. Notice that the Feast or Fired cash-in, which could happen at any show of the year, got WAY more attention than the X-Division cash-in, which was treated as an afterthought. This show is a waste of time on a division that stopped meaning anything years ago.

The show itself was really nothing to see other than a few spot fests and the usual good main event. Other than that though, this could have been any regular episode of Impact and no one would have noticed the X-Division as really standing out. I’d be fine if they just dropped the thing already because it’s clear that it doesn’t mean anything. Decent enough show but it never once felt special.

Results

Kurt Angle b. Rockstar Spud – Ankle lock

Low Ki b. Manik and Crazzy Steve – Warrior’s Way to Manik

Tigre Uno b. DJZ and Mandrews – Phoenix Splash to Mandrews

Grado b. Kenny King and Cruz – Cannonball to Cruz

Bram b. Crimson – Brighter Side of Suffering

Kurt Angle b. Austin Aries – Ankle lock

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Impact Wrestling – April 17, 2015: The One And Only

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 17, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Josh Matthews

Tonight is a one idea show as there will be a full Tag Team Title tournament with four first round matches and the winners advancing to an Ultimate X match for the championships. There may also be some more about Kurt Angle’s World Title, with Eric Young as the next potential challenger due to Angle not pinning him last week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a preview of the tournament.

Here are the first round matches:

James Storm/Khoya

Hardys

Low Ki/Kenny King

Mr. Anderson/Rockstar Spud

Ethan Carter III/Bram

Tigre Uno/Jay Rios

BroMans

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Khoya/James Storm vs. Hardys

The Hardys attack at the bell and it’s a brawl to start. The Revolution gets the better of it with Khoya throwing Jeff around to take over and the fans cheering for Matt. James and Khoya take turns beating on Matt until Storm puts on a chinlock. Khoya gets two off a clothesline but Matt sweeps Storm’s leg and makes the tag off to Jeff. Things speed way up with the legdrop between the legs and basement dropkick to Storm’s face but Jeff has to deal with an interfering Khoya. That goes badly for the Revolution as Storm Last Calls Khoya by mistake, setting up the Swanton for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: C-. This was fine but I’m not wild on either team. The Revolution stopped being interesting months ago and the fact that the Tag Team Titles is the best they can do at this point tells you everything you need to do know about them. They just don’t have anything to do and they haven’t since day one. With no direction, there’s no point to the team being around.

Storm beats up Khoya, hopefully signaling the ending of the group.

The Hardys say it’s time to fulfill their destiny. To be associated with better teams and be considered great by proxy instead of doing anything by yourselves?

Eric Young says he should be #1 contender. We get a CRAZY closeup of his CRAZY face to make sure that his CRAZY voice is clearly heard. He’s CRAZY you see.

Here’s Eric Young in a Kurt Angle shirt. He’s not happy because Angle is ducking him for a World Title shot. Young doesn’t care how many people he has to hurt because he wants his shot as #1 contender. This brings out Kurt, who says if Young wants to say something to him, say it to his face.

Young sees him as someone that can be hurt because the title belongs to him. Kurt says the title match is next week but he wants to know why Eric is doing all these things. Young talks about a hole in his spirit after he lost the title. That’s fine with Angle, but he wants the old Eric Young next week. Kurt turns his back and dares Eric to hit him, but Young says he’ll see him next week. This has been another chapter in “Eric Young sucks and has no business in this spot” theater.

The BDC threatens Spud in the back but Anderson comes in for the save.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Rockstar Spud/Mr. Anderson vs. Kenny King/Low Ki

Spud charges in a bit too fast and gets double teamed to start with Low Ki chopping him down. After both BDC members get in some right hands, King stomps Spud in the back to keep him from lunging for a tag. King ducks an enziguri and kicks Spud in the ribs to keep him in trouble but the fans are entirely behind Spud. Ki puts on an abdominal stretch to stay on the bad ribs for some psychology.

The BDC breaks up another hot tag attempt so Anderson comes in with a double clothesline and drags Spud to the corner before getting back on the apron. That makes the hot tag a lot easier and Anderson comes in to clean house. Anderson throws Spud into a hurricanrana to send Ki to the floor and the Underdog plants King, only to have Ki come off the top with the Warrior’s Way to Spud, giving King the pin at 6:50.

Rating: C. Standard tag match here which means it was fine for the most part. They even threw in some basic psychology with the rib work, which is more than you get most of the time. The BDC going in makes more sense as they have the experience together, which is more than enough to take down a makeshift team comprised of an overrated guy in Anderson and a plucky underdog.

Carter says he and Bram will win the titles tonight as a preview for his World Title run. Bram: “I’m going to rip Tigre Uno’s mask off and shove it down his throat!” Carter: “Good! Just make sure we win first.”

MVP and Homicide congratulate Ki and King on the win. Homicide is given the special assignment (RUN! That’s what they told Taz!) of beating up Kurt Angle.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Jay Rios/Tigre Uno vs. Bram/Ethan Carter III

Rios is a masked man who appeared as a jobber in TNA back in the Jeff Jarrett MMA days. He’s certainly no Essa. Carter and Rios trade wristlocks to start before Tigre comes in for a double dropkick. Carter bails to the floor and Tigre makes the mistake of diving at Tyrus like a schmuck, earning him a World’s Strongest Slam on the floor.

Bram gets in some stomps before Carter throws on a chinlock. A leg dive keeps Tigre from making the hot tag but Bram misses an elbow, allowing for the lukewarm tag to Rios. Jay flips out of a backdrop and hits a springboard into a cutter but Carter uses the arm brace to knock Rios silly, setting up the Brighter Side of Suffering, but Carter tags himself in for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: D. I’m really not a fan of matches like these as they make the show feel even longer than it already does. It helps that they kept it so short but this show really hasn’t done much to make me care about the main event so far. The fact that Bram and Carter are already having issues doesn’t help either.

Kurt Angle says Young has gone from genius to crazy but he wants the old Young back. As for Homicide, he better have good insurance.

Christy Hemme brings out the Knockouts (or at least five of them) to announcer that next week is a night of all Knockouts. Love thinks the night should be all about her because she has the most Knockout Titles of all time. The fans chant for Brooke as Gail goes on her usual rant about how awesome the Knockouts are. Madison cuts her off before the entire building falls asleep and says none of them are the Queen Bee.

Christy tries to calm them down with the offer of a fourway between Brooke, Gail, Madison and Angelina for the #1 contendership. Brooke is WAY too excited about this announcement. There will also be new Knockouts and Taryn defending against Kong. Taryn talks about her passion and how she’ll prove herself next week. Kong comes out and cleans house but Taryn dives onto everyone.

The BroMans seem to have issues with each other but Aries and Roode come in to say they’ll focus on Robbie, who is clearly the better BroMan. Methinks shenanigans are afoot. Robbie leaves and Roode thinks he bought it. Bobby Roode and Austin Aries had to cause friction to beat the BroMans? Really?

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: BroMans vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

For the fourth match of the night, the good guys attack to start with Robbie getting beaten down by both former World Champions early on. Aries sidesteps an invading Jesse to send him into his partner, setting up the Hennig neck snap for two on Robbie. The BroMans finally get in some offense but get in an argument over who gets to work on Roode. Robbie hooks a chinlock before a clothesline gets two.

Jesse demands a tag and Robbie isn’t too keen on doing as he asks. Roode comes back with a neckbreaker to drop both guys and the hot tag brings in Austin. He’s quickly stopped by Godderz, but Jesse gets a bit too bossy, allowing Roode to break up the BroDown. Aries knocks Jesse outside for a suicide dive, setting up the spinebuster into the 450 from Aries for the pin on Jesse at 5:20.

Rating: C. This was fine for the most part as Roode and Aries work really well together, but again, they needed to put a wedge between the BroMans? Aries continues to be the most polished guy in the company and pretty easily the best guy around, which hopefully leads him back to the World Title scene soon.

The BroMans fight post match with DJZ coming out to try and break it up.

Homicide is beating up Angle in the back. The fight heads into the arena after a break with Angle getting back into it but eating a cutter in the ring. Angle ducks a boot shot and grabs the ankle lock, drawing in the BDC for the group attack. They bring in a chair but the Rising comes out to get rid of everyone but MVP. Eric Young comes out to stop MVP from bashing Angle with the chair but picks it up himself, only to drop it and leave (in a CRAAAAZY manner of course. Because he’s crazy you see).

Video on Ultimate X.

Dollhouse is coming.

Preview for next week’s Knockouts show.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Kenny King/Low Ki vs. Ethan Carter III/Bram vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

Ultimate X. Huge brawl to start with the Hardys and Roode/Aries throwing the other four outside. Roode and Aries start taking over with Matthews continuing to call them by their old name of the Dirty Heels. The Hardys are tossed outside as well and we take a break. Back with the BDC and Bram/Carter clearing the ring for a change with Bram and Carter throwing the BDC to the floor. They decide to bring in a ladder but that’s the Hardys game, allowing them to come back in and take over.

The BDC and the Hardys go for the ropes but Tyrus shakes the structure to break it up. Tyrus puts Carter on his shoulders but Aries dropkicks them down before Roode hits the Blockbuster on Bram. Roode gets on Aries’ shoulders but Homicide comes in for the save. Now it’s King and Matt on the ladder and Hardy hooking a Twist of Fate to put everyone down. Matt climbs up again but Ki springboards onto the ladder for the save. As they fight, Jeff climbs up above the X, kicks Ki away and pulls down the belts, while standing on a ladder of course, to win at 12:06.

Rating: B-. So we sat through an hour and a half of qualifying matches to see eight and a half minutes of a ladder match that TNA calls Ultimate X? Eh at least it’s not more Eric Young so I can live with it. This was good enough but the Hardys winning doesn’t do much for me. I know it’s setting up a big match with the Wolves when they get back but this doesn’t do much to change the opinion that the Hardys don’t do much outside of gimmick matches.

Overall Rating: C. This felt like an Impact sized version of One Night Only and if you’ve ever seen one of those, you know how bad that is. The problem here is the title match wasn’t good enough to validate the not very good buildup. Other than that we had Eric Young and the BDC tormenting Angle all night, which is about as dull of a one two punch as I’ve seen in years. It doesn’t help that this show felt like it hit the brakes at 9:45 and crawled all the way to the ending, making this far more dull than bad. One final note: Matthews was actually really solid on his own. It was a very nice surprise.

Results

Hardys b. James Storm/Khoya – Swanton Bomb to Khoya

Kenny King/Low Ki b. Mr. Anderson/Rockstar Spud – King pinned Spud after a Warrior’s Way from Ki

Ethan Carter III/Bram b. Tigre Uno/Jay Rios – Brighter Side of Suffering to Rios

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode b. BroMans – 450 to Godderz

Hardys b. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode, Low Ki/Kenny King and Bram/Ethan Carter III – Hardys pulled down the belts

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Impact Wrestling – February 20, 2015: Basic, Well Done Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 20, 2015
Location: SSE Hydro, Glasgow, Scotland
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz

It’s another UK show this week with a double main event. This week we’re seeing Al Snow face British Boot Camp cast off Grado, as well as a twenty man gauntlet match for the #1 contendership to the World Title. As expected, it looked like the Beat Down Clan will be working together to take over the match. Let’s get to it.

The opening sets up the gauntlet and shows us the top 5, which will determine the order of the last five entrants. Angle is #1, despite Roode being #1 last week and winning while Angle lost. Roode isn’t even in the top 5, meaning this whole thing lasted two weeks before it stopped making sense.

Angle comes out and says he’s back to win the World Title.

Lashley wants to talk to Angle.

Matt Hardy/Eddie Edwards/Davey Richards vs. Revolution

It’s Storm/Abyss/Manik here and the brawl starts in the aisle. Manik gets triple teamed in the corner to start and we even get something like Poetry in Motion. Khoya pulls Matt to the floor and Storm sends him into the steps to take over. It’s off to Abyss for a running corner splash, which is as athletic as I’ve seen him in years. Storm comes in with a Hardy pose on the middle rope but Matt grabs a Side Effect on Manik. They’re going with the fast forward version of the standard formula here and it’s not bad so far.

Storm can’t break up a tag to both Wolves at the same time and it’s time for the kicks. Everything breaks down and Richards backflips into an attempt at Shock Treatment but Edwards makes a save and sends Storm into a DDT from Abyss. I still hate that spot. The Wolves hit stereo dives to take out most of the Revolution. Manik is left alone for a top rope double stomp from Edwards for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: C. This is becoming TNA’s standard operating procedure in recent weeks: basic, well done matches that don’t go too far and just get the job done that they’re supposed to accomplish. That’s a VERY nice change of pace over what we usually get in TNA and even though I don’t believe they can keep it up, it’s a nice start.

The winners get destroyed post match and Abyss Black Hole Slams Manik. Storm orders Abyss to carry Manik out.

Here are Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to rant about Mr. Anderson stop the hair cut party last week. Ethan even jumps up and down in anger for a funny moment. Cue Anderson to ask a very sweaty Carter why he’s obsessed with cutting hair. Maybe Carter should get his head shaved and Anderson has his own clippers. Anderson comes to the ring but Tyrus gets right in his face. The distraction allows Spud and Mandrews to sneak up on Carter and the beating is on. Tyrus saves his boss from a haircut but Anderson plants him with a Mic Check and tape him to the ropes, allowing Spud to shave Tyrus’ hair. Spud says Carter is next.

MVP and the Beat Down Clan are going to be standing tall at the end of the night.

Mickie James comes into the arena and is here for some important business involving Magnus. I’m glad Josh mentioned that Mickie and Magnus are married, as it was coming off like something TNA just expected us to know. That’s not something you should ever do as you don’t want any potentially new fans to be confused.

Al Snow vs. Grado

We get a few more details on Grado, who missed a meeting on British Boot Camp and was eliminated, only to come back and get eliminated again. It would be nice if TNA actually SHOWED us this stuff instead of just telling us but at least it’s something. Snow destroys him to start and hits the Snow Plow for two, followed by a moonsault for the same. Grado is really over with the fans here and you can see that cult following showing through. Grado avoids a second moonsault and hits a boot to face, followed by a Cannonball in the corner and another big boot for the pin at 4:33. It’s as abrupt as it sounds.

Rating: D. The match was nothing but it gave the fans a feel good moment. I still have no reason to care about Grado due to living in America and not being able to watch British Boot Camp, but this was much more for the fans than nothing else. I’m not sure how much Grado can get over outside of Scotland but that natural charisma will get him a long way. Granted I would have said the same thing about Joey Ryan the first time they did this story.

Snow shakes Grado’s hand as he promised to do if he lost but the BDC runs in for the attack. Drew Galloway (McIntyre) runs in with a pipe for the save and shows about 100x more energy and fire than he has in the last three years plus. He’s a good hire if he’s around for more than just this tour.

Angelina Love and the BroMans are their usual selves but Kong is shown watching with her usual scowl.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Taryn Terrell

Love is challenging and jumps Taryn to start, knocking her out to the floor. A fall away slam gets two but Angelina takes too much time going up and gets slammed down. Taryn gets two of her own off a middle rope clothesline but walks into the Botox Injection. Love takes too much time going after her though and eats a Taryn Cutter for the pin at 2:37.

Kong comes out and Implant Busts Taryn but Gail Kim comes out for the staredown.

We get Royal Rumble style interviews on who is going to win the gauntlet.

Robbie is ready to win the Grand Slam.

Ethan Carter can beat twenty men in his sleep.

MVP has been fighting all his life (but is he trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble?) so this is nothing.

Low Ki says the BDC runs this place.

Samoa Joe says 20 men will enter and a Clan will leave victorious.

Here’s Tommy Dreamer for a chat. Dreamer says he’s here to fight because Young dropped him on his head last week. No Young though, so Dreamer goes to the back and gets jumped. They fight back into the arena and Tommy wants a referee out here for an old school fight.

Eric Young vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer spits a fan’s beer into Young’s face but gets crotched on the barricade. Young apparently may be insane and violent but he’s not a thief. He also bites Dreamer’s forehead and draws some VERY solid blood before Tommy gets out a table and we get the opening bell. They head inside but Tommy is able to backdrop out of a piledriver attempt.

The DDT onto the chair is countered with a leg sweep but Eric takes too long setting up a table. Dreamer superplexes himself through the table with Young barely grazing it. A chair is wedged into the corner but Dreamer pops back up. Eric low blows him to take over, sends him into the chair and plants him with a good looking piledriver for the pin at 4:22.

Rating: D. Two of my least favorite wrestlers in the world right now in a needless gimmick match which didn’t even get five minutes. That bite was SICK though and the piledriver looked really good too so I can give it a pass, but my goodness I never want to see these two on TV ever again. Well maybe Young if he drops way down the card but Dreamer is as welcome as something very unwelcome at a place you wouldn’t want that something to be at.

We recap Magnus vs. Bram, which is due to Magnus taking a Feast or Fired briefcase from Bram.

Here’s Mickie James to talk about her fiance’s feud with Bram. She’s had a great year, including having a beautiful son and getting engaged (fans: “BOO!” Also Josh was wrong when he said they were married. Don’t get into Tenay territory Matthews), but she’s here to call Bram nothing but a coward. Cue Bram with a cueball but Mickie immediately rips into him for all the things Magnus has done for him over the years. Magnus was beaten up so badly that he can’t even hold his own son.

Bram starts talking but it’s so quiet that I can’t understand him over the WE WANT MAGNUS chants. The chants aren’t even that loud but the microphone is so quiet. Bram says Magnus could have any girl in the world but he’s stuck with her. Mickie is a needy redneck who ruined his life. That’s why Bram battered him, but Mickie says it’s because he knows he’s only half the man Magnus is. Bram gets all ticked off so Mickie slaps him in the face. Referees come out to hold Bram back and he leaves peacefully. This is already about a million times better than any Magnus story.

Lashley and Angle are in the back (with HARDCORE COUNTRY playing) and Lashley reminds him that he’s the champ. Angle says Lashley is next, so Lashley will be watching tonight.

Gauntlet Match

Basically a twenty man Royal Rumble for a title shot next week. Kenny King is in at #1 and Austin Aries is in at #2 with King sending Austin to the apron, only to have Aries run back in and hit the Pendulum Elbow. King hammers him back down though and Craazy Steve is in at #3. Steve and Aries team up but the clock gets a lot faster and it’s Jesse Godderz in at #4. Jesse goes right after Steve but has to skin the cat to avoid an elimination.

Bram is in at #5 and people start pairing off for fights in the corners. The clock gets even faster as Khoya is already in at #6. Steve rakes Khoya in the eyes but is easily backdropped to the floor for an elimination. Chris Melendez (where has he been?) is in at #7 and goes after Bram until Mr. Anderson is in at #8. Anderson is back in trunks and hammers away until we take a break.

Back with Tyrus entering at an unlisted number. During the break, Samuel Shaw, DJZ and Great Sanada all entered, putting Tyrus as #12. Also during the break, Melendez was the only man eliminated. Everyone’s attempts to get at Tyrus result in Godderz, DJZ and Shaw being eliminated. Spud is in at #13 and goes after Tyrus, only to get sent to the apron and spiked out to the floor. Robbie E. is in at #14 as Tyrus puts out Khoya.

Sanada mists Tyrus from the apron but Anderson knocks Sanada to the floor and sends Tyrus to apron as well. Tyrus hangs on and tries to skin the cat but Anderson bites his hand for the elimination. Gunner is in at #15 and goes right after Bram. We have Gunner, Bram, Anderson, Robbie E., King and Aries in there at the moment. Ethan Carter III is in at #16 as Robbie is dumped out.

There go Bram and EC3 as Samoa Joe is in at #17. That goes nowhere so here’s Low Ki at #18. It’s already announced that MVP and Angle are the final two, meaning Roode isn’t in it due to the attack by Young last week. We’re running out of time so MVP is quickly in at #19. Joe throws out Anderson and it’s all four members of the BDC, Aries and Gunner at the moment. The BDC dumps Gunner and it’s Angle in at #20 for a final grouping of Aries, MVP, Low Ki, Joe, King and Angle as we take a break.

Back with Aries being eliminated to get us down to five. Lashley comes out to watch as the Clan takes their time beating Angle down. Kurt gets in something like a hot shot on Low Ki but Joe Rock Bottoms him out of the corner to stop Kurt cold. Kurt low bridges Joe to the floor and the odds are a bit better.

Low Ki gets backdropped to the floor and it’s down to three. King gets the same treatment, leaving us with Angle vs. MVP. Kurt is still in trouble though as he gets caught with the Ballin Elbow but MVP can’t get him out. A baseball slide misses though and the Black Out does the same, only to have King trips Angle, allowing MVP to kick him out for the win at 32:25.

Rating: C. Keeping this fast was a good idea as it became a pretty boring battle royal once the BDC was in full control. MVP winning makes the most sense as you have to give him a title shot at some point. Angle can have his shot later but the BDC is the big thing right now and giving its leader the win was the right call.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling here wasn’t the best but that’s not the point of this show. Tonight was a good example of logically moving stories forward and not doing anything incredibly stupid (save for putting Tommy Dreamer on TV in 2015 but that’s a different story entirely). This is a MAJOR step forward for TNA as their product is getting better, even though their business is pretty horrid at the moment. At the end of the day though, getting some positive word of mouth is the best thing they can have right now and shows like this will get them a long way in doing so.

Results

Matt Hardy/Wolves b. Revolution – Top rope double stomp to Manik

Grado b. Al Snow – Al Snow – Big boot

Taryn Terrell b. Angelina Love – Taryn Cutter

Eric Young b. Tommy Dreamer – Piledriver

MVP won a gauntlet match last eliminating Kurt Angle

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Impact Wrestling – February 6, 2015: How To Book A Monster Face

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 6, 2015
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz

As is going to be the case all year it seems, pay per view is no longer an option (save for One Night Only because who can forge that series) so for the first time ever, Lockdown is being offered as a free TV broadcast. The main event is Team Angle vs. the BDC with Angle’s team being down a man as Lashley turned down his offer to join. Let’s get to it.

The opening video starts off by focusing on the cage itself before shifting to Roode vs. Young and the Lethal Lockdown main event.

All matches are inside a cage.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. James Storm/Abyss

Storm and Abyss are defending and it’s tornado rules. Matthews says he and Taz are ringside and then they’re shown in their studio in Nashville. So Matthews is a liar. Good to know. The Hardys start fast with Poetry in Motion to both guys but they have to stop to deal with the interfering Manik. They just happen to have a pair of handcuffs to tie him to the top rope but the distraction lets the champs take over. Matt and Jeff are sent into the cage over and over with Matt getting the worse of it as we take a break.

Back with Storm hitting a top rope elbow for two on Matt as frustration is starting to set in for the champions. The Hardys quickly fight back for a double two count but Matt misses a moonsault to Storm. Matt doesn’t seem to mind as he hits a top rope Twist of Fate to drop Storm. Khoya ignores the cage as well and pulls Matt through the camera hole to the floor, which doesn’t count as a win because it wasn’t over the top. Back inside, Jeff hits a Twist on Abyss but Sanada Mists him to break up the Swanton. Storm’s Last Call retains the titles at 13:36.

Rating: C. This was more of a spot fest than a coherent match but that’s what you have to expect for a tornado style match. It’s not that easy to get much of a story going without the need for tags and all those other people interfering in the match. Still though, it had enough big spots to open a show and it’s always good to see the Revolution get a win.

Post match the Revolution puts Matt through a table outside and sets up another in the ring. They unhook Mania, though where they got the key isn’t really clear. Manik misses a top rope splash through the table and Jeff fights off most of the Revolution and climbs up, only to get crotched on the cage door and knocked off onto the steps. This is Jeff’s annual “I can’t go to England” injury angle.

MVP has a special offer for Angle tonight. After a break, MVP, King and Young are in the ring with MVP talking about how dangerous this cage really is. They’re ready to face anyone who stands in their way tonight and Young promises to make Roode bleed tonight. Bobby is offered a chance to walk away but MVP switches to Angle. He wants Kurt to come out here and talk to him face to face for a proposal.

Cue Angle, Gunner and Aries as MVP talks about how all three can walk out of here (they just walked in here though) without getting beaten up again. MVP has talked to Angle’s doctor and that knee is being held together by tape and gum. Has this doctor never heard of privacy laws??? Angle and company say they’re not walking away and the brawl is on. Joe and Low Ki come out to give the BDC an advantage and they crush Gunner’s arm in the cage door. The Clan runs away instead of taking advantage of their numbers advantage.

Video on Havok and Kong dominating the company. I still don’t buy Havok as anywhere near Kong’s level after winning like five matches.

Gunner is checked on in the back but he insists he’s starting the match tonight.

Havok vs. Awesome Kong

They start fighting on the ramp with Kong getting the better of it but being sent into the steps. The bell rings before they’re even in the cage with Kong down on the floor. Kong fights out of the spinebuster slam and sends Havok into the steps for her efforts. The fans think this is better than the Divas, which really isn’t covering a lot of ground.

They finally get inside (the girls, not the fans, in case you’re really thick in the head) and ram heads before Havok kicks her down. It just seems to fire Kong up though and she no sells a chokeslam for good measure. A chokeslam puts Havok down and sets up the Awesome Splash for the pin at 5:48.

Rating: C+. This was better than I was expecting, even though the ending was exactly what I expected. There was no reason to think Havok could go toe to toe with Kong, especially given how short Havok’s run in TNA has been. She debuted what, four months ago, which includes the month they were off TV? Kong looked dominant though and that’s the right idea.

Video on Roode vs. Young. They have to have someone bleed in this.

From two weeks ago, Velvet told Angelina that she was fired and starts crying. Love hugs her and smiles at the news.

Lashley is told Angle is looking for him and the champ says he isn’t hard to find.

Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode

Pin or submission only. Roode runs him over to start but eats an elbow to the jaw. The fans already want blood as Eric sends Roode back first into the cage a few times. A belly to belly sets up a chinlock on Roode before a powerslam gets two. Cue MVP with a chair but Roode ducks a big swing. The piledriver is countered into a catapult to send Young into the cage and you can see Eric blade. I really shouldn’t like seeing him in pain this much.

The spinebuster gets two for Bobby and he puts Young on top. A super Roode Bomb is countered with a cage shot and Young’s top rope elbow gets two. Young loads up another elbow onto the chair but Roode gets up and blasts him in the back. The Roode Bomb onto a chair is good for the pin at 7:55.

Rating: D. Well that happened and I still don’t care. At the end of the day, Eric Young isn’t interesting, intimidating, tough, worthy of being in a major story or anything positive that I can think of. This “12 years thrown away” story made my head hurt as these two barely associated for years and the whole “Roode owns Young and makes his life miserable” period is conveniently forgotten. Just get Young back to the comedy jobber guy he’s been for years so I don’t have to put up with this any longer.

Lashley turns Angle down again so Kurt throws him against the wall and tells him to wake up.

The announcers debate the upcoming Top 5.

Mandrews/Rockstar Spud vs. Tyrus

Tyrus easily shrugs off a double teaming to start and shoves both guys into corners. A double Tongan Death Grip has them in trouble but they come back with a double dropkick to the face and then more to the chest. An enziguri is good for one but Spud escapes a powerbomb and climbs all the way to the top of the cage. With a middle finger to Carter, Spud hits a HUGE flip dive to take Tyrus down and Ethan is stunned.

Carter gets up and spits at Mandrews, tricking him into coming out of the cage. Carter trips him up on the way out, sending Mandrews’ head into the steps to make this one on one. Spud is distracted from covering and gets the cage door slammed on his head, setting up a Tongan slam and Asiatic Spike to the neck for the pin on Spud at 5:44.

Rating: C. That big flip and Carter’s facials make this match work better, even though Mandrews really didn’t need to be in the match. I’m digging this feud way more than I was expecting to and I’m actually believing Spud could pull off the upset and beat Carter, even though that wouldn’t make a ton of sense.

Carter goes to shave Spud’s head but JB unplugs his clippers.

We look at Hardy being hurt “moments ago” and say there’s no update.

Roode talks about the fifteen years he’s known Eric and says he made Young bleed, just like he promised. They were best friends but now it’s all gone and it’s time to move on.

Earlier tonight, Robbie E. challenged Brooke to a competition to determine who lost the Amazing Race. They had a dizzy bat challenge before climbing the cage and getting back out with the winner crossing a finish line. Robbie almost won but spent too much time taking a picture, allowing Brooke to hit him low and win. This was heavily clipped instead of showing the full thing.

Team Angle vs. Beat Down Clan

Kurt Angle, Gunner, Austin Aries, ???

MVP, Kenny King, Samoa Joe, Low Ki

Lethal Lockdown, meaning two men start for two minutes and then a team (determined by a coin toss) gets to send in its second man. After two minutes the team that lost the coin toss gets to send in its second man to tie things up for two minutes. The teams continue to alternate until all participants are in when it’s first pinfall or submission wins. There are weapons provided inside the cage for the duration of the match this year, as opposed to them not coming down until the last man enters in previous editions.

King and Gunner get things going with Kenny going after the injured arm. Gunner whips him into the cage and blasts him in the back of the head with a trashcan lid to keep King in trouble. He chokes King with a nightstick but Low Ki comes in to make it 2-1. They’re already going quickly through this match.A big trashcan lid shot to Gunner’s head gives the BDC control and King holds him for kicks to the chest. The beating continues until Austin Aries comes in for the tie. Austin immediately starts speeding things up and blasts King in the ribs with the nightstick.

Gunner opts for a tennis racket (cue the Jim Cornette reference from Taz) but it’s Samoa Joe to give the BDC another advantage. More weapons shots have Team Angle in trouble as this is getting very repetitive, just like almost all Lethal Lockdown matches. Angle ties it up again and takes a hockey stick to his ribs upon entry. Kurt doesn’t seem to mind and German suplexes Joe before rolling Kenny up out of instinct. Team Angle gets beaten down with more weapons shots until MVP completes the BDC.

Pins and submissions are allowed now as all the announced wrestlers are in. Back from a break with the BDC destroying everyone in sight with quadruple teaming. Angle finally gets back up and blasts them with the trashcan lid. The comeback is short lived though as the BDC destroys them again….and here’s Lashley. This would be more exciting if TNA hadn’t shown him appearing four times now in their previews for next week.

He extends his hand to MVP but doesn’t let go, pulling the leader into a clothesline. Lashley cleans house but gets taken down into the corner and choked out by MVP. Angle counters Joe’s Muscle Buster into the ankle lock as Gunner Gun Racks King and Aries puts Ki in the Last Chancery. Lashley spears MVP down for the pin at 20:23.

Rating: C+. Bobby Lashley is exactly what Roman Reigns should be. He’s big, he’s strong, he runs through people, and he barely ever speaks because his actions do all his talking for him. I’ve had a lot of fun watching Lashley break people in half over the last few months and he’s far more entertaining than Reigns more often than not. Put Reigns on a roll like this and build it as a clash of the titans against Lesnar and I’d want to see it. Some guys just don’t need to have a really detailed character and both Lashley and Reigns fit that mold.

The rest of the match was just there and followed the format of almost every single Lethal Lockdown match in history, minus the big spot on top. You knew it wasn’t going to really crank up until the end of the match which makes the first seventeen minutes or so pretty dull stuff. I can only see a trashcan lid to the back of the head to change momentum so many times.

Overall Rating: C+. It’s a decent enough show but as usual, most of these matches don’t need to be inside a cage. This is very similar to the Elimination Chamber or Hell in a Cell PPV: the calendar alone said these matches had to be in cages and there really wasn’t a reason for a lot of them to be under these rules. Look at Kong vs. Havok and see that the cage didn’t change a thing. The Hardy bump could have been done off the top rope for the same ending and Spud could have hit the same move off the top rope. Only the main event required a cage and it didn’t really change much. Decent show but not necessary.

Results

James Storm/Abyss b. Hardys – Last Call to Jeff

Awesome Kong b. Havok – Awesome Splash

Bobby Roode b. Eric Young – Roode Bomb onto a chair

Tyrus b. Mandrews/Rockstar Spud – Asiatic Spike to Spud

Team Angle b. Beat Down Clan – Spear to MVP

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


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Impact Wrestling – January 23, 2015: The Fastest Two Hours In Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 23, 2015
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Tazz, Josh Matthews

The big story tonight is Feast or Fired, TNA’s big Money in the Bank style match with three potential title shots up for grabs, plus a lone pink slip. This is usually a huge mess but the fallout can change a lot of things going forward. The other situation is the Beat Down Clan walking off with Lashley’s World Title. Let’s get to it.

Feast or Fired

Davey Richards, Eddie Edwards, Samuel Shaw, Magnus, Bram, Rockstar Spud, Austin Aries, Robbie E., Jesse Godderz, DJZ, Gunner, Crazzy Steve

It’s a ladder match with briefcases hanging over every corner. Only four people win and everyone else walks away with nothing, which isn’t the worst outcome. The lights are very low again, likely covering up the low attendance. Again, this is in New York City. There really shouldn’t be an excuse to not draw a thousand people to a wrestling show, assuming the tickets aren’t outrageous.

The match is a huge brawl to start and Steve goes for an early briefcase, only to have Velvet Sky offer a distraction to break it up. She winds up going up and getting a case for Robbie, meaning he gets to leave early. Steve chases Robbie and the Beautiful People off to clear out the ring a bit. Spud goes up but isn’t tall enough to grab the case. Everyone but Shaw and Spud fight to the floor but Gunner pops back in to crotch Shaw. Aries dropkicks Gunner in the back of the head, only to be sent to the floor by Spud. Using Gunner as a platform, Spud climbs up and pulls down a case.

Robbie E. knocks Aries down again but stops to get a kiss from Angelina, allowing the Wolves to kick him down. The Wolves load up a dive but stop due to an Angelina distraction. Aries has the ring to himself and takes down the third briefcase, THEN hits the dive to take everyone out. Bram and Gunner get back in for a brawl on the pole but it’s Magnus powerbombing both guys down, leaving Magnus to take down the last case at 7:41. Bram isn’t pleased with Magnus taking the case.

Rating: D+. I’m sorry for all the play by play in this but there’s almost nothing else to do in one of these things. It’s almost all about the aftermath and if you’re lucky enough to get something fun in the middle like Spud climbing up onto Shaw’s back then so be it. There just wasn’t much to see here but there rarely is in Feast or Fired.

Lashley is coming to the ring.

Magnus says the pressure is on with the case when Bram comes up and says that was his. Magnus isn’t impressed and says calm down because he got Bram his job here. Security has to break them up. You knew this split was coming eventually and it makes perfect sense.

We look back at the BDC beating Lashley down and leaving with the title last week.

A bandaged Lashley calls out the Beat Down Clan to bring him his title. He gets Kenny King minus the belt, who says Lashley is too ungrateful to make it in the BDC. Lashley couldn’t beat Roode without the BDC, where everyone is a potential World Champion. Without blinking, Lashley still wants his title. King says get a referee out here but doesn’t want to wrestle in front of a bunch of people who won’t appreciate him. Cue the BDC to surround the ring for the match.

Kenny King vs. Lashley

Non-title and Lashley is wrestling in an American Top Team (his MMA team) shirt. King hammers away in the corner to start but Lashley throws him down with a delayed vertical suplex and takes off the shirt. Kenny misses a springboard and gets speared down, drawing in the BDC for the DQ at 2:37.

MVP says if Lashley wants his title, come get it in the streets.

Havok vs. Gail Kim

Gail jumps her in the aisle to start and hits a nice cross body off the apron. They head inside for the bell with Havok taking her down in the corner and driving forearms in the corner. Some kicks don’t get Kim anywhere and a bearhug spinebuster gets two for Havok. A hard running knee to the face knocks Gail silly and she’s holding her eye. The announcers say this is a message to Awesome Kong, which would be better than Havok’s current resume. The referee calls Havok off but gets shoved down, drawing the DQ at 4:06. Total destruction otherwise.

Rating: C-. Well they accomplished the goal of making Havok look like a monster, but I’m still not interested in seeing her vs. Kong. At the end of the day, Havok has only been around a few months and probably lost almost as many matches as she has won. It just doesn’t add up to the year plus of dominance for Kong.

Post match Havok grabs Kim by the throat but here’s Kong for the showdown. Havok’s forearm has no effect and Kong clotheslines her to the floor.

We recap Ethan Carter III challenging Jeremy Borash to fight him last week.

Tigre Uno vs. Khoya

This is Khoya’s debut as part of the Revolution. Tigre kicks at the legs to start, drawing Storm up to the apron to slap him in the face. It fires Khoya up to hit a bad looking fall away slam, followed by a Sky High for the pin at 1:04.

Storm says he’ll be facing Matt Hardy tonight and he’s stronger than any demon Jeff has ever faced. He’s stronger than any pill Jeff has taken and any bottle he’s ever drank. There’s always room for one more in the Revolution. That’s quite the promo.

Roode comes in to see Angle and says he doesn’t care about their tag match tonight because he wants Eric Young one on one. Angle says Roode has to focus to win the title back, because if he goes in alone, he’s going to lose. I’m having a hard time getting behind the idea of Roode vs. Young again when Young beat him in the big showdown last week. But hey, why build to a match when you can have it with no build, right TNA?

We recap Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode with Josh saying they’ve been best friends for twelve years. That’s some creative history to put it mildly.

Very quick recap of Feast or Fired.

Spud says he used to be a gopher and now he feels like he’s moved forward in his career. Even if he’s fired, he’s going to punch Ethan Carter right in the face, but it’s worth the gamble.

Eric Young/Low Ki vs. Kurt Angle/Bobby Roode

Angle and Low Ki get things going in a match that might never have taken place before. Ki gets taken down to the match and it’s off to Roode vs. Young. Josh tries to figure out the relationship between Young and the BDC, asking the same question I’ve had: if he has the same enemies and associates and teams with the BDC, why don’t they just add him to the team? Low Ki comes back in and hammers away in the corner for two but gets caught in a superplex, allowing for the hot tag to Angle.

Everything breaks down and the Angle Slam plants Low Ki, setting up the ankle lock but Eric makes the save. Roode puts Low Ki in the crossface but Angle brings in a chair. Joe and MVP come out on the stage for a staredown, allowing Roode to break up the hold with another chair, giving Low Ki the pin at 5:11. Our heroes ladies and gentlemen.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere because we have to get 194 other things in on every episode. However, the faces lose again because that’s what happens in TNA. It’s the same story we’ve gone through time after time now, leading up to what is probably going to be a long, drawn out story of the faces being downtrodden until someone rises up to win a single big match, leading to the heel stable implode over several months. How do I know this? Well seeing it a dozen or so times with almost nothing changes gives you a good idea.

MVP is outside the arena on the street, telling Lashley to come and get his title.

We recap Rockstar Spud splitting from Ethan Carter III and Jeremy Borash being dragged into it by saying he supports Spud.

Ethan Carter III vs. Jeremy Borash

Carter introduces himself because he’s fighting the announcer. JB comes out with Spud and shakes hands with Mark Andrews, the winner of British Boot Camp 2. Carter still has the mic in his hand and does commentary for the match. Borash finally shoves him away and takes the mic. The fans like to tell Carter that he can’t wrestle, but he can’t announce either.

Borash actually nails Carter in the jaw and knocks him into the corner, only to get taken down with a tackle. The beating is on but Carter yells at Spud, drawing in both Spud and Tyrus with the big man dropping him with a heart punch. Andrews comes in with a springboard dropkick as the match is thrown out at about 2:00.

A double dropkick puts Tyrus on the floor and Andrews hits a nice shooting star to take everyone out.

Matt Hardy vs. James Storm

Matt hits a quick running clothesline in the corner to start and they’re quickly on the ramp. Hardy stays on offense by sending Storm into the steps over and over, followed by an elbow from the apron to the back. Back in and Storm puts him on the middle rope for a Backstabber (now called the Lung Blower) to take over. A quick Side Effect gets two for Hardy as the darkness over the crowd is even more noticeable than before. The people there are making noise but the visual is horrible. Closing Time sets up the Last Call but Matt ducks and counters the Eye of the Storm into a small package for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: D+. This really didn’t do anything for me and felt like they were just doing moves to each other until one of them won. I’m really not caring to see Hardys vs. Revolution, but then again I’m not wild on Storm as a Tag Team Champion again. At least it’s better than some of the stupid teams they could have had.

Post match Hardy turns down a handshake offer, drawing in Abyss to help Storm hit a Last Call. Abyss gets out Janice but Jeff Hardy makes the save with a chair. Jeff challenges Abyss for Monster’s Ball next week. Again?

A preview for next week shows Lashley with the title in a pretty big spoiler.

Samoa Joe comes up to MVP on the street but MVP says he has this.

It’s time for the reveal of the briefcases. There’s a World, Tag Team and X-Division Title match and a pink slip. Robbie E. has a camera on a stick to record himself and Velvet Sky’s every move. Rockstar Spud goes first and has…..an X-Division Title shot. Magnus’ case contains…..a Tag Team Title shot. So it’s Robbie E. or Austin Aries with the pink slip or World Title shot.

Back from a break with Aries getting in a Stuart Scott reference by saying he feels as cool as the other side of the pillow. Robbie points out that Velvet Sky grabbed the case and has the footage to prove it. In other words, the case belongs to her. As luck would have it, Velvet is the one getting fired, meaning Aries gets the World Title shot. Robbie gets on the table and dances, shouting that he still has a job, leaving Velvet in tears.

Lashley goes outside and beats up MVP on the street. MVP punches him back and they head inside, likely to avoid getting arrested. The rest of the BDC jumps Lashley and beat him back outside until Roode and Angle make the save with a pipe. Roode picks up the belt and stares at it to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show goes by so fast that it’s hard to tell if it’s good or not. They keep it moving so fast that it’s almost impossible to remember everything that happens, but as usual they’re flying through almost everything they have in a week or two. It’s not a bad show, but they really need to slow down instead of just burning through everything they have. For instance, Lockdown is in two weeks and while you can see most of the card coming from here, the show hasn’t even been mentioned yet because we have to get everything else in. Decent enough show this week but it’s typical TNA.

Results

Magnus, Rockstar Spud, Austin Aries and Robbie E. won Feast or Fired

Lashley b. Kenny King via DQ when the BDC interfered

Gail Kim b. Havok via DQ when Havok shoved the referee

Khoya b. Tigre Uno – Sky High

Eric Young/Low Ki b. Kurt Angle/Bobby Roode – Ki pinned Roode after a chair shot from Young

Ethan Carter III vs. Jeremy Borash went to a no contest

Matt Hardy b. James Storm – Small package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6