Impact Wrestling – May 11, 2017: Doth My Eyes Deceive Me?
Impact Wrestling Date: May 11, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
We’re back in the Impact Zone where the main event is over another promotion’s title. I know GFW and Impact have officially merged so it’s not as odd as it sounds but there’s something weird about the Global Force Wrestling World Title match main eventing Impact Wrestling. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Alberto El Patron beating Eli Drake to earn a shot at the GFW World Title tonight. Magnus is ready.
Opening sequence.
Andrew Everett vs. Caleb Konley vs. Dezmond Xavier vs. Matt Sydal
One fall to a finish. They start with the rapid fire near falls via sunset flips and rollups until Konley and Sydal put on stereo submissions. Neither of those go anywhere so Sydal drops a standing leg on Konley and gives Xavier a jawbreaker at the same time. Konley comes right back with a moonsault for two on Everett with Matt making a save. That’s enough of the wrestling so Everett and Xavier hit back to back dives onto everyone else. Back in and Konley hits a belly to back fisherman’s suplex (that’s a new one) for two on Sydal, only to have Everett grab the Frankendriver for the pin on Xavier at 6:24.
Rating: C. Starting the show with a match is the right call and I’m glad that they’re actually having Everett keep some of the pace instead of just having him lose and more on the next challenger. That’s how you build a division instead of just a champion and a challenger, which should help things a lot.
JB pesters Josh again.
Ethan Carter III promises that we’ll see the Cowboy tonight. I smell an impression.
KM orders a pizza and says his name is Billy. He takes the pizza from the delivery guy and starts eating but refuses to pay. The delivery guy says the bill says Billy but KM says that’s not his name. KM doesn’t like being called a liar and throws the guy out.
Here’s EC3 now dressed as a rather goofy cowboy. He talks about being a SOB from Boca Raton, Florida but sounds more like Waylon Mercy. Carter rode up on his steed Sebastian and sings a modified version of Friends in Low Places. Cue the real Storm for the beatdown but Carter takes off a boot and hits him in the head. Carter manages to handcuff him to the ropes and give him a whipping with a belt. Sounds like a strap match. The beating goes on for a good while with security taking their sweet time breaking it up.
JB annoys Josh again.
Hakim Zane/Idris Abraham vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.
Zane wristlocks Kid to start but Laredo puts him on his shoulders for a missile dropkick from Garza. Things speed up with Idris running the ropes until he floors Garza (who has removed his red pants for some reason) with a hard shoulder. Idris’ charge is countered with a powerbomb onto his partner though Zane is sent to the floor. A 450 gives Laredo the pin at 3:26.
Rating: C-. Sloppy match but they kept things moving fast enough to make this work. Kid and Garza are fine for your run of the mill lucha team and there’s always going to be room for something like that. Abraham and Zane looked good too though and with another tournament coming up for the GFW Tag Team Titles (which can’t just stay vacant and then disappear), it’s nice to actually set something up.
D’Angelo Dinero wants to make Impact great.
Ava Storie vs. Laurel Van Ness
This company doesn’t have a great mental health policy does it? Van Ness is still in the wedding dress and gets two off an early spear. A kick to the face and a running curb stomp is enough for the pin on Storie at 1:36.
Spud still wants to hurt Swoggle.
Here’s LAX, some of whom are sporting white face paint, for a Decay funeral. Konnan wants to show their disrespect and tells the champs to pour the ashes on the mat. This company threw their best team at LAX and now you have a dead clown and a monster eating through a feeding tube. Now it’s time for LAX to win the GFW Tag Team Titles for the sake of Latino pride. A fan waves an American flag and refuses to sit down. Cue the Veterans of War for the save, which is the only logical way to go. A fireman’s carry flapjack into a cutter plants Ortiz and LAX runs. Good segment.
Grand Championship: Marshe Rockett vs. Moose
Moose is defending but Rockett jumps him to start and hits a Harlem side kick for no cover. A dropkick knocks Marshe off the top though and Rockett chills on the floor for the rest of the round. Moose wins the first round and wastes no time, finishing Rockett with the sitout chokeslam at 35 seconds of the second round.
Rating: D. As usual, I have no idea what the rounds are supposed to add here. Moose could just as easily have hit the says thing for a win in about four minutes and I don’t get how a brief break changes anything. Moose dominated most of the match and won clean so what’s the point of the gimmick with the rounds?
Post match Tyrus comes out for a distraction, allowing Eli Drake to come in with some chair shots to Moose. Chris Adonis runs in for the Adonis Lock and more chair shots from Drake leave Moose laying.
More JB and Josh.
Dutch Mantel announces the return of Ultimate X between Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and Low Ki for the title next week. This would feel like more of a surprise if the Ultimate X wasn’t above the ring.
Angelina Love vs. Alisha Edwards
Eddie Edwards is in his wife’s corner on crutches. Alisha charges at Love to start and we hear more about JB annoying Josh. Angelina’s comeback is cut off by a Futureshock but Davey Richards gets on the apron. That’s fine with Alisha who kicks the ropes between his legs, only to have Angelina hit Edwards in the back with a chain for the DQ at 2:32.
Eddie goes after Angelina but Davey crutches him in the knee.
Lashley will be watching the main event.
GFW World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Magnus
Alberto is challenging and seems to have the fans behind him. An early armbreaker across the top rope has Magnus reeling and a clothesline makes things even worse. Magnus grabs a suplex and kicks away a bit as the champ is playing the de facto heel here. The back and forth continues with Patron hitting a top rope right hand to the jaw and grabbing a chinlock.
They fight to the top and both guys are knocked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Alberto in control until he walks into a Falcon Arrow (not a sitout powerslam Josh) for two. Josh rants about Jim Ross tweeting him about how awesome he is and complains about JB some more as the guys head outside for nothing of note.
Back in and the Backstabber sets up the armbreaker on Magnus but the champ gets a rope. The Cloverleaf sends Patron to the rope as well and they head up top again. Alberto misses his top rope double stomp and hurts his knee. Magnus gets in a powerbomb but gets pulled down into the armbreaker for the submission at 18:23.
Rating: B. This felt like a main event match but the same problem persists: these two guys weren’t even in the company three months ago and they’re fighting over a title from a promotion that probably hasn’t even held thirty shows in the three years since it was founded (including all the co-promoted ones). Just drop the GFW stuff and let the Impact title be what matters.
That being said, this was quite the main event as they’ve really turned up the focus on the wrestling as of late. It’s not a classic or anything but I had a good time with it and the battle of the submission holds made it feel like a chess match. El Patron winning makes the most sense and should set up a rematch with Lashley at Slammiversary, which makes the most sense.
Overall Rating: C-. Not the best rating but they’re certainly moving in the right direction. The wrestling is getting better and the stories are getting tighter. That doesn’t mean the stories are great (or even good at times) but I’ll take a focused direction over random chaos almost any day. If they can knock off some of the nonsense (Josh vs. JB, Swoggle vs. Spud, the GFW stuff), they could be in a very good place in a hurry.
Results
Andrew Everett b. Caleb Konley, Dezmond Xavier and Matt Sydal – Frankendriver to Xavier
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Hakim Zane – 450 splash to Abraham
Laurel Van Ness b. Ava Storie – Curb stomp
Moose b. Marshe Rockett – Sitout chokeslam
Alisha Edwards b. Angelina Love via DQ when Love used a chain
Alberto El Patron b. Magnus – Cross armbreaker
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Impact Wrestling – May 4, 2017: GFW Finally Gets Its Own TV Show
Impact Wrestling Date: May 4, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
We’re starting to get close to Slammiversary and that means we need to start lining up some title matches. There isn’t a lot announced for this week’s show as things are moving at a somewhat slow pace right now. Then again we have about two months before the next pay per view so they can take their time. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week. Thank goodness as I had to pull up last week’s review to remember anything about that show.
Opening sequence.
Dave Penzer is now doing ring announcing, which hopefully means the Swoggle vs. Spud is done.
Matt Sydal vs. Eddie Edwards
Josh says Sydal made his debut in the six sided ring last week, which means Josh doesn’t know his TNA history. Feeling out process to start with a technical sequence leading to a standoff. Sydal gets in a few kicks to the legs for the first advantage before countering a slam off the top with an ankle scissors. Now why didn’t Flair ever think of that? Eddie elbows his way out of a Muta Lock and grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb for two.
A sitout F5 sets up a spinwheel kick but Eddie can’t follow up. Matt hurricanranas him off the top for two but gets sent outside for the suicide dive. Back from a break with Sydal getting two off a powerbomb, only to get caught with a middle rope Codebreaker. As good as this has been, let’s pause for Josh to rant about JB a bit. Eddie slips out of a powerbomb but the Boston Knee Party is blocked with a jumping knee to the face. The shooting star press gives Matt the clean pin at 14:51.
Rating: B+. Where in the world did that come from? This was one of the best matches the company has put on in a long time and even Josh couldn’t make ruin it for me. Eddie losing clean aside, it’s cool to see a very good, long, clean match, especially opening a show. Good stuff here and Sydal looks like a star coming out of it.
They shake hands post match. Sydal leaves but here are Angelina Love and Davey Richards to beat Edwards down. Eddie gets laid out with a chair until Alisha dives off the stage to take Angelina down.
Magnus thinks he should be in the main event of Slammiversary but now he has to face Alberto El Patron. If that’s what he has to do then so be it, but here’s Matt Morgan to say he should get the shot. Bruce Prichard comes in and makes a GFW Title match for later tonight.
KM is exercising when a custodian comes in to clean. He sweeps up trash and leaves but KM throws a piece of paper on the floor and yells at the guy for missing it. KM does it again and the custodian says it wasn’t there ten seconds ago. That doesn’t sit well with KM, who doesn’t like being called a liar.
GFW Women’s Title: Sienna vs. Christina Von Eerie
Von Eerie is defending. Sienna grabs a suplex for two to start and Von Eerie is in trouble early on. Another suplex sets up a neck crank and Von Eerie is dumped outside in a big crash. Christina tries a Pedigree on the apron but gets backdropped back onto the floor as this has been completely one sided. Back in and a Pounce completes the squash to give us a new champion at 3:56. The announcers’ biggest concern: Sienna has no respect for the Jarretts.
Rating: D. Here’s the big problem with this whole GFW thing: what is GFW and why should the fans care? Unless you were watching for about four to six weeks worth of shows two years ago, it’s just a collection of belts from a promotion that ran a bunch of house shows and hasn’t been heard from since. I get that the hardcore fans are going to know what’s going on but catering to that audience when you’re drawing 300,000 fans a week and wanting to expand is a really bad idea.
As for the match itself, Von Eerie beat a jobber last week and that’s the grand total of her exposure here until she got squashed to lose her title. Get rid of these belts as soon as possible or just drop them already. It’s clear that Impact Wrestling isn’t going to bother to explain ANY of this so get rid of them as soon as possible.
Eli Drake tells Bruce Prichard he wants in on the title picture. Instead he gets Alberto El Patron later tonight, but it’s for a shot at the GFW Title.
ODB wants to make Impact great.
JB is behind Josh and mocks his over the top mannerisms. This is still your top story.
Karen Jarrett makes Alisha vs. Angelina Love for some point in the future. Sienna comes up to brag about being champion but Karen says the target is on Sienna’s back. I still have no idea why this is supposed to be interesting.
Ethan Carter III vs. John Bolen
Carter kicks him in the face to start and chokes on the ropes. A running knee to the back sends Bolen outside. Back in and the TK3 sets up the 1%er for the pin on Bolen at 2:33.
Carter puts the new bosses on notice.
Remember how JB had a sign earlier? He still does and Josh is getting annoyed.
GFW World Title: Magnus vs. Matt Morgan
Morgan is challenging and uses the size to take over early on. A big boot sends Magnus outside but he posts Morgan for a breather. Back in and the Carbon Footprint misses so Morgan bangs up a leg to give Magnus a target. A kick to the leg sets up the Figure Four with Morgan making the ropes without too much effort.
Morgan pops up for his revolving elbows in the corner, followed by a side slam. A chokeslam gets two on the champ and the Carbon Footprint puts him on the floor. Morgan’s knee gives out so Magnus can grab the title. The distraction lets Magnus get in a low blow, followed by a Michinoku Driver and the top rope elbow to retain at 9:20.
Rating: C. Technically fine, though I’m not sure if that was a heel turn from Magnus. That right there is the big problem: these guys have had maybe a match each since returning and we really don’t know anything about them. Yeah they were here before but what are they now? They helped JB in his match so I guess they’re faces but there’s no real way to know for sure, especially given how they’re fighting over a title that just appeared with Magnus. Decent match but the booking continues to be a problem.
Lashley doesn’t care about the GFW Title because that’s the title people can win.
More JB sign stuff.
LAX wants to hurt more people.
James Storm wants to make Impact great.
Spud, in a neck brace and with his leg in a cast, stares at a picture of Swoggle. So yes this is still going. So now we have a ring announcer feud to go with the commentator feud.
Kongo Kong vs. William Weeks
Kong throws him into the corner to start and stands on Weeks’ chest. Three straight chokeslams into backbreakers (at Laurel Van Ness’ orders) set up a Cannonball and a top rope splash to put Weeks away at 2:47.
Post match Braxton Sutter comes out to go after Kong. Some right hands and a clothesline put the monster on the floor so Sutter and Allie can stand tall.
Eli Drake wants to make Impact great.
We look back at Sonjay Dutt getting hurt in the X-Division Title match two weeks ago. Dutt isn’t sure if he should have come back. If they don’t give him the title at Slammiversary, I have no idea what they’re thinking. It’s not the most interesting story but they’ve set it up.
Eli Drake vs. Alberto El Patron
The winner gets a shot at Magnus at some point in the future. Drake runs away but gets pulled back to ringside, where the referee ejects Tyrus. Eli is fine enough to suplex him on the ramp but Alberto shakes it off and hits a suicide dive. Back from a break with Drake suplexing him onto the apron and choking on the floor.
Drake’s chinlock doesn’t work but Alberto misses a charge and both people are down. Drake gets back up and grabs a torture rack neckbreaker for a close two, only to have Alberto nail a low superkick for the same. The cross armbreaker is countered into a twisting throw for another near fall as this is far more competitive than I was expecting.
Drake can’t get a superplex and of course he winds up in the Tree of Woe. For once someone is actually smart enough to sit up and pull El Patron down. A springboard moonsault gives Drake two but he gets caught in the cross armbreaker. That’s countered as well but Drake gets caught in the ropes, setting up the double stomp (from the mat instead of the stomp) to give Alberto the pin at 17:56.
Rating: B-. Good match here as Drake’s in-ring abilities are starting to match his incredible talking skills. The same problem still remains though: they’re fighting over titles that have no meaning to the Impact Wrestling fans, which becomes a problem. The story would be exactly the same if they were all just fighting for a shot at Lashley. Just say Magnus is in this spot because he’s a former World Champion and thinks he’s entitled. It’s the same story advancement and the same ending. Why is that so complicated?
Overall Rating: C+. This is a REALLY tricky one to grade as the opener and main events were both very good but everything in the middle was just there for the most part. The booking continues to cater to the fans who are already here and the stupid battling announcers are now being joined by a former wrestler/manservant vs. a former leprechaun who is the illegitimate son of the owner the biggest wrestling company in the world. You need a lot more than that to make a company work and Impact really doesn’t seem to get that.
Results
Matt Sydal b. Eddie Edwards – Shooting star press
Sienna b. Christina Von Eerie – Pounce
Ethan Carter III b. John Bolen – 1%er
Magnus b. Matt Morgan – Top rope elbow
Kongo Kong b. William Weeks – Top rope splash
Alberto El Patron b. Eli Drake – Double stomp
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Impact Wrestling – July 29, 2015: Oh Shut Up Already
Impact Wrestling Date: July 29, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
The big story coming out of last week is Matt Hardy earning the #1 contendership in a tables match over Bobby Roode. This was the result of the night’s main story being thrown out due to the Hernandez issue, which is likely going to cause even more problems tonight. Other than changing things up though, we do get Jeff Jarrett’s Hall of Fame induction. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s major events, including Jeff Jarrett being announced as the next Hall of Fame inductee, Serena being announced as James Storm’s partner and Matt Hardy becoming #1 contender.
Here’s Austin Aries with something to say. Aries may not have a title right now, but politics and backstage issues aside, there is no one on the face of this planet who is better than he is. Therefore, why wasn’t he involved in the #1 contenders match last week? Bully Ray may be in charge but he’s already off to a bad start with mistakes like that.
Cue Bully Ray, who says his opinion is the only one that matters. Sure Aries is great. He’s so great that he even beat Bully himself at one point. Aries is going to get another shot at what he deserves. Austin interprets that as a World Title shot but Ray says Aries already lost that chance. In that case, Aries will settle for a Tag Team Title shot with Bobby Roode. That’s a no as well, so Aries can challenge for the X-Division Title later tonight.
Aries isn’t happy because that title is beneath him. The X-Division Title is for people like Rockstar Spud, who comes out in objection. Spud is a big Aries fan, but a statement like he just made hurts. Option C gave people like Spud a chance to be World Heavyweight Champion because it gave them a reason to believe in themselves. Austin laughs this off because Option C was made for people like himself, not Rockstar Spud.
Yeah Angle beat him once, but that would only happen one out of ten times. Spud on the other hand would lost to him every time. Since Aries has nothing to do tonight, why doesn’t he beat Spud up instead? Spud thinks he can beat Aries instead of just hanging with him, which makes Aries say he’ll leave if he loses tonight. Ray accepts that as a contract and the match is on for later tonight. Aries agrees, but wants the Rockstar moniker if he wins.
The Jarretts are here.
Chris Melendez tells Kurt Angle that he has to beat Eric Young to move forward in his career.
Sgt. Chris Melendez vs. Eric Young
Angle is out with Chris. Before the match, Melendez says he’ll keep fighting no matter what, just like he did overseas. Young comes out and says Melendez doesn’t want him coming in there because it will end badly for him. The bell rings and Eric slaps him in the back of the head a few times as we’re suddenly told Aries vs. Spud is next week at No Surrender. Is there even a point to having specials when they’re the same shows we get every week? Young stays on him and drives some elbows into the back of the head before a quick piledriver is good for the pin 3:12. Well that was a waste of time.
Rating: D. TNA, I know Melendez is a cool story, but there is nothing interesting about him. He’s nothing special in the ring, he’s nothing special on the mic and his one legged gimmick is long past its expiration date. What is there about him that is supposed to interest me? Nothing to see here and I have a feeling it’s going to keep going.
Sting Hall of Fame video.
Matt Hardy doesn’t know what stipulation he’s picking for his title match against Ethan Carter III. “We will announce the stipulation later.” JB wants to know who the other half of we is, even though it was already announced next week.
Knockouts Title: Brooke vs. Marti Bell
Brooke is defending yeah this is just the token title defense against the former champion’s lackey. The champ cleans house to start but goes after Taryn (in a tutu), allowing Marti to get in a cheap shot to take over. Brooke comes back with a quick shot to the face for two, only to have a kick to the jaw change control back to Marti. A superplex is broken up though and Brooke nails a middle rope clothesline. Brooke gets two off a Russian legsweep but the Dollhouse tries to interfere, only to have Gail Kim…..play her entrance video for a distraction, allowing Brooke to hit the Butterface Maker on Marti to retain at 4:40.
Rating: D. I’m so sick of this division. They had something interesting in the Dollhouse but they take the title off Taryn for the sake of pushing Brooke, who is there for one thing and one thing only. Oh and we get Gail Kim being all serious because what else is she supposed to do? Lame match too.
Kurt Angle Hall of Fame video.
More from Tigre Uno in Tijuana, this time talking about what TNA has done for his family. He loves lucha libre and thinks it’s better than anything in the world. These aren’t exactly thrilling statements.
Tigre Uno calls Donald Trump a coward.
Ethan Carter III isn’t worried about what stipulation Matt picks.
Here are Carter and Tyrus for Matt’s announcement. Remember when World Title matches were just wrestling matches? After saying Bully sucks eggs, Carter rips on the Hardys for being a couple of North Carolina hillbillies. If this was against Jeff Hardy then maybe Ethan would be worried but Jeff broke his leg on a motocross bike. Ethan says Matt isn’t a World Title contender so here’s Jeff to object.
Jeff admits that he cried from the pain of his broken leg but he conquers fears. Before Carter knows it he’ll be dropping titanium shins on Ethan’s face. Before Carter knows it, Jeff will be the next World Champion. It’s nice to see Jeff admitting that his brother has no chance. This brings out Matt who draws a NEXT WORLD CHAMP chant.
Matt talks about the Hardys being told they can’t do it and always proving people wrong. It’s not a competition between the brothers to see who is best, which is why Jeff is supporting him this week. Jeff gets to make the announcement but instead of saying anything, he asks Matt to pull some stuff out from under the ring. Matt pulls out a table, a chair and a ladder because WHAT ELSE WOULD THE HARDYS PICK??? In case it’s not clear, next week is Full Metal Mayhem. On top of that, no one is allowed at ringside during the match. This took WAY too much time for the only possible conclusion.
Team 3D Hall of Fame video.
Magnus and Mickie James are ready for James Storm and Serena.
James Storm/Serena vs. Mickie James/Magnus
This is a result of Storm being a psycho who tried to get Mickie in the ring for one last match as a way to get inside her head and make her join the Revolution. The guys officially get things going with Magnus in control until Storm gets in a knee from the apron. Storm slaps on a chinlock and we take a break.
Back with Mickie chasing Serena around, only to allow Storm to plant Magnus with a Backstabber. Storm throws his sweat on Mickie and puts Magnus in a quickly broken chinlock. Magnus can’t get anything going though as he charges into Closing Time (Codebreaker) to keep him in trouble. Josh thinks it’s a gutbuster for reasons not entirely clear.
Both guys try cross bodies and it’s off to the girls with Mickie cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Storm goes after Mickie, only to get speared down for his efforts. Serena calls out Khoya, who hits Storm with the stick by mistake. Magnus adds a powerslam to Storm and the MickieDT ends Serena at 12:15.
Rating: D+. I don’t know if it’s been the boring show that led up to it but MY GOODNESS I did not care about this match. Serena could have been any warm body out there and she didn’t add much to the match. It doesn’t help that this feud basically ended a few weeks back but they dragged them out there one more time for the “blowoff”, which really didn’t do anything. Boring match which was mainly about the men while trying to be about the women.
Storm gets a MickieDT for good measure.
Mr. Anderson is worried about facing Bram because of the depths he’ll have to sink to.
Bram suggests Anderson kiss his kids goodnight and tell them goodbye because he isn’t going home.
We run down the No Surrender card.
Video on Jeff Jarrett’s career. I do get a good chuckle of TNA trying to make Jarrett seem like someone on Rock and Austin’s level, especially after they spent so much time ripping on him over the years.
Here’s Dixie Carter to induct Jarrett into the Hall of Fame. She tells a story of meeting Jeff when she lived in Tennessee and compares him to George Bailey from It’s A Wonderful Life. Dixie welcomes the Jarretts to the ring and after a break, it’s time to hear from Jeff. Jeff thanks everyone who has ever bought something from TNA and everyone who has ever worked for TNA. He leaves off people who have done work for them but haven’t actually gotten paid but I’m sure they’re included too.
Jeff lists off a bunch of production guys and office workers in what felt like something special. Mike Tenay gets thanked for holding things in place when they fell apart at times. “Don West not so much.” Then you have the X-Division, Knockouts and tag teams who all work so hard and prove that it can be more than just heavyweights main eventing. The heavyweights get a thank you as well, including AJ Styles.
Jarrett talks about a falling out with his dad (a legendary promoter in his own right) over this company but thanks him so much for getting him here. His children are the reason he’s here and even though they drive him crazy, they keep him going. Last but not least in family is Jeff’s wife Karen, who has been Jeff’s rock. A quick thank you to the fans leads to a THANK YOU JEFF chant and the roster (like 15 people) come out to applaud as the show ends. This was a nice ceremony and speech, but it felt really rushed because of the lack of time.
Overall Rating: F+. This was awful. With under twenty minutes combined of actual wrestling (if you count the commercial in the tag as ring time they crack it by less than ten seconds) and a bunch of last second building to a “special” that was announced tonight, what was the point of this show? To show that Jarrett is still a big deal? They did that already with all the packages and Slammiversary main event.
This show felt like it went on forever and built up nothing interesting. No Surrender feels like a show that is there to pop a rating, which TNA has kind of almost sort of done what, once or twice ever? I really didn’t care for this show and I didn’t want to sit through the rest of it, but that’s all we get these days in TNA. The wheels are falling off and the TV is getting worse and worse every single week. GFW getting here is supposed to be their saving grace, but TNA is barely worth saving at this point.
Results
Eric Young b. Sgt. Chris Melendez – Piledriver
Brooke b. Marti Belle – Butterface Maker
Mickie James/Magnus b. James Storm/Serena – MickieDT to Serena
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Impact Wrestling Date: July 22, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We have a boss to counter the Reign of Carter now as Bully Ray was appointed the new man in charge last week. That leaves us in need of a new challenger as Kurt Angle is on the shelf, meaning we might be getting someone new in the main event scene. Other than that though, we have the fallout of Eli Drake turning on his former Rising teammate, Drew Galloway, after costing him the World Title last week. Let’s get to it.
We open with the announcement of the newest inductee into the TNA Hall of Fame. In the biggest surprise of all time, it’s Jeff Jarrett. The video treats him like a demigod but at least it’s a name that belongs in the Hall of Fame.
Tonight we’ll be seeing the King of the Mountain match from Slammiversary, likely due to the Hernandez issue.
Bram vs. Magnus
This is a street fight joined in progress with Magnus chopping away. A superplex plants Bram again and Magnus boots him in the face. This has been one sided so far. Bram finally gets an opening as Magnus goes for weapons, allowing Bram to score with a cookie sheet shot to the head. Magnus comes back with some weapon shots of his own but the referee gets bumped, meaning the Spine Shaker only gets a close two. Bram hits Magnus low and grabs a rollup for the pin at 6:37, likely writing Magnus off TV.
Rating: C-. Well there’s a gimmick match for the sake of having a gimmick match, which is one of the last things you want to see in a wrestling company. At least there’s a backstory between these guys, but it’s been a good while since they were even feuding. Not a bad brawl, but I don’t know why it happened.
Post match James Storm comes out and tells Magnus that the partner is revealed tonight.
Here’s Eli Drake with his crutch. Drake keeps saying his name slowly so we all get it as he starts talking about finally being allowed to stand out here alone. Drew finally got Drake’s foot in the door here and Eli was grateful, but Drew would NEVER SHUT UP about the Rising. You had Mica nodding his head like the puppet he was but Drew kept trying to do the talking for him.
The fans might have been stunned at what he did, but they’re all like him. Everyone here has called in to work sick when they were fine. Everyone here has friends just because those people can get them things. There are women here who are with men justbecause they can pay their bills. Galloway will never be TNA Champion because Drake won’t let him, so here’s Drew to interrupt.
Drew talks about people thinking he’s older than he really is (he turned 30 last month) because he’s been around the world so many times. He’s been talking to the fans about what they want him to do, and the results are clear. The fight is on with Drake missing a crutch swing but taking Drew down with elbows to the back of the head. The Future Shock sends Eli running to the floor and they’ll fight another day. Drake has a very basic character but he plays it well and sounds confident. I dug what I saw here and hopefully he can back up the good presence in the ring.
Taryn Terrell interrupts a Pit Wars (Destination America show) plug by shoving over a grill and demanding her title back. The six sides of steel has been lowered and the Dollhouse gets inside. Taryn screeches a lot until Brooke comes out and says Taryn did all of this to herself. The fans are all that matters in this company and Taryn can’t stand when they chant for her. Brooke makes fun of the screaming and says Taryn must be mad at herself. Taryn goes after her but here’s Gail Kim in the cage to beat up Marti and Jade. Gail beats them up and stares at Taryn and that’s about it.
From Slammiversary 2015 (the full version instead of the clipped one):
King of the Mountain Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett
It’s the old Legends/TV/Global Title with a new plate. The rules here aren’t exactly simple. You win by climbing the ladder and hanging the title, but in order to do that you have to earn a fall to be qualified with falls counting anywhere. Whoever is pinned must go to a penalty box for two minutes. We get big match intros with JB saying Drew is standing in the corner to his left. He’s kneeling but close enough. Jarrett is introduced by his old nickname: the King of the Mountain.
Jarrett stands back as everyone brawls to start. It’s Roode going after Jarrett first but eating a backdrop, followed by Young taking a beating as well. Jarrett goes for a strut but Roode rolls him up for a pin to become eligible and to send Jarrett to the penalty box for two minutes. Matt Side Effects Roode for two as Jarrett escapes….only to be covered by Young to become eligible. Everyone brawls inside and get sent into the ladder until Jarrett gets out.
Young hits Jarrett low but gets rolled up by Galloway for a pin. Matt hits a Twist of Fate for a pin on Roode at the same time, sending both Young and Roode to the box at the same time. Only Jarrett is unqualified at this point. Hardy and Galloway fight on the ladder (yeah remember the whole ladder part of this match?) but Jeff shoves them both down and Strokes Galloway for two with Hardy making the save.
Jeff covers Matt for two more as Young and Roode are making a pact in the box. Both guys get out and clean house before stopping to sing O Canada as we flash back ten years. Young tries to turn on Roode and gets Cactus Clotheslined out to the floor. Galloway and Hardy go to the ropes but get powerbombed down by Jarrett, only to have Roode and Young steal pins to keep Jarrett ineligible. It’s a three way fight now with Young vs. Roode vs. Jarrett with Eric getting the best of it and grabbing a guitar, only to have Jeff take it away and knock Bobby silly to become eligible.
Galloway and Hardy get out and fight over possession of the belt but knock each other down, leaving Jarrett to climb up. Young pulls him down with a powerbomb and a piledriver onto a ladder, followed by Roode coming out of the box. Galloway climbs on top of the cage for a big flip dive to put all five guys down. It’s Drew climbing again and Matt pulling him down again. Just to keep up the idea of the match of course. Roode stops Hardy and goes up but Young makes the save with another ladder. Jarrett and Young go up with Jeff hitting a Stroke off the ladders, allowing him to hang the title for the win at 20:56.
Rating: D+. So in case you don’t get it, here’s the story: TNA is freaking out that an invader (who they invited) is going to take a title that they just invented to another company which they basically advertise for free on their TV show. Oh and Jarrett is a face because he’s a legend in TNA and therefore the announcers panicking really doesn’t fit with what’s going on. The match was your standard King of the Mountain mess with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners.
Counting commercials, this ate up about 35 minutes of the show.
And now, a word from Tigre Uno to Donald Trump. Tigre talks about how awesome Mexico is and doesn’t like what Trump said. Trump is challenged to come to the Impact Zone next week to end a quick fluff piece.
We recap Mickie James and Magnus challenging James Storm to find a woman to face the two of them.
Here’s the Revolution to introduce the newest member of the team. Storm rants about how screwed up this country is and talks about trying to give Mickie as many chances as he could. The newest member of the Revolution is…..Serena, as in Serena Deeb. Serena talks about how she and Mickie used to be best friends, but then Mickie James became a star and left her behind. Serena was lost until she found James Storm, and now things are better than ever. Storm talks to the camera with a message for Mickie and Magnus’ son Donovan, telling him that this is the biggest mistake his parents ever made.
Eric Young vs. Rockstar Spud
Chain match, for reasons not clear. Young dominates to start and beats Spud with the chain before taking him outside for some whips into the barricade with the chain. Back in and more chain shots get two but Spud low blows Eric with the chain to take over. Spud goes after Eric in the corner but Young pulls the referee in the way, setting up a quick piledriver to pin Spud at 5:48.
Rating: D. There was no reason for this to be a chain match but at least they kept it short. Young being violent is far more acceptable than just calling him crazy over and over again, which was my major problem with his former character. Spud needs something better than this and hopefully that comes soon.
Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Roode
Tables match for the #1 contendership. They quickly fight to the floor with Roode nailing a suplex onto the stairs. It’s already table time, but Roode just drops it onto Hardy instead of trying to put Hardy through it. Back in and Roode plants him with a spinebuster and chokes with the table legs, only to have Matt make a quick comeback. The moonsault through the table is broken up but neither guy can hit a finisher. Instead Matt backdrops him over the top and through the table for the win at 6:55.
Rating: D+. This was another short gimmick match that didn’t work very well due to the time they had to work with. What can you really do with a tables match in less than seven minutes? Matt and Roode barely have any reason to fight each other but hat’s what we get because of the whole Hernandez debacle. What does that have to do with this match? Well I’m glad you asked. You did ask didn’t you?
Overall Rating: D-. So here’s the thing: from what I can find, Bully Ray had announced the three gimmick matches you saw as a series to find four potential #1 contenders. That word “four” is the magic one here though, because Hernandez was involved in this original idea. My guess is that they had to cut the whole idea and ignore any reference to it to make sure Hernandez is never mentioned because, you know, TNA is stupid.
In other words, we’re stuck with two random gimmick matches and a WAY too long pay per view match before getting to a random #1 contenders match to end the show. Bad show, but again it’s due to the company’s management instead of the wrestlers themselves. That should be the company’s epithet: the company screwed up, not the wrestlers.
Results
Bram b. Magnus – Low blow
Eric Young b. Rockstar Spud – Piledriver
Matt Hardy b. Bobby Roode – Backdrop through a table
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Impact Wrestling – July 15, 2015: The Champ Has A Point
Impact Wrestling Date: July 15, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
There isn’t much to go off from last week, but the big story is the reveal of the new authority figure, hand picked by Dixie Carter to keep her nephew and World Champion Ethan Carter III in line from letting all the power going to his head. Something tells me this won’t be the most thrilling announcement (because there isn’t a thrilling announcement out there) but maybe it’s better than I’m expecting. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap focuses on Ethan defending his title three times last week, followed by Dixie coming out and saying she doesn’t want the power to go to his head like it went to hers, because the segment was all about Dixie.
Dixie is in the ring to start things off with the roster on the outside. At least I don’t have to hear that stupid song all the way through again. She takes responsibility for the actions that led to her being put through a table last year and she’s sorry for what happened. It was a good thing when she went through a table and broke her back because it gave her a new perspective.
Dixie appreciates what the people in the ring go through and she’s sorry for everything she’s done. It’s time for a new chapter in TNA and she needs them to be a team. This feels more and more like a speech when there’s bad news than a promo. Ethan and Tyrus come out to protest but Dixie introduces Bully Ray as the new authority figure. Yeah that guy who tried to put your company out of business and the man who screwed you over at Lockdown a year and a half ago is a GREAT pick for your new boss. That’s of course forgetting the whole driving her through a table and breaking her back part.
Ray shakes everyone’s hand and starts talking about getting a call from Dixie, where she apologized for everything and said she wanted to do it right. Bully says he understood what she said and believed it, so today he’s back in front of real wrestling fans and the best wrestlers in the world. However, he’s back for the people around the ring, who he wants up on the apron right now.
Every single one of them is here to make this the best show around, no matter what Dixie has done to them. So that brings Bully to a decision, but it’s going to be the fans making the decision. The fans agree, so Ray thinks we should have a battle royal for the #1 contendership, which starts now.
So yeah, this was all about Dixie. I have no idea why I would want to care about her big redemption story, but this boils down to one thing: Dixie doesn’t seem to be a regular character again and that’s a good thing. Ignoring the lack of logic or proper storytelling and another heel champion vs. face authority figure story, and you have something good coming out of this. The promos were acceptable enough, but this isn’t going to set the world on fire, which is so often the case in TNA.
Battle Royal
Abyss, Austin Aries, Bram, Chris Melendez, Crazzy Steve, Drew Galloway, Eric Young, Hernandez, James Storm, Jesse Godderz, Kenny King, Khoya, Magnus, Mandrews, Manik, Mica, MVP, Norv Fernum, Robbie E., Shark Boy
This is joined in progress after the break and the winner gets a World Title shot tonight. Storm hides on the apron as Fernum is eliminated. Steve is put out as well with Mandrews quickly following him to the floor. There goes Shark Boy with Manik following. There isn’t much to talk about here, just like in most battle royals.
Magnus clotheslines Abyss out to almost no reaction, meaning Josh can plug the season finale of Barbecue Pit Masters. Melendez is out as the ring is clearing out a bit. Storm and Magnus are put out as we take a break. The lack of caring about two former World Champions being eliminated is striking.
We take a break and come back with only MVP, Galloway and Young remaining, meaning about twelve people were eliminated during the break. Drew gets double teamed for a bit until Young gets smart by eliminating MVP from behind. Eric loads up the piledriver but Drew reverses and kicks him in the chest for the win at 11:00. Josh: “Is Drew Galloway just one win away from being World Heavyweight Champion?” Well that’s how being #1 contender normally works.
Rating: F. Over half of the eliminations were during the break, which is almost guaranteed to be due to the Hernandez issue. The match was another boring battle royal anyway with very little of interest, but a lot of that was due to the people being thrown out off camera. Galloway winning is interesting though and should make him a main event guy, but instead it’s likely going to be a one off match on a one off show because TNA has made their new star for now with Carter.
Sting Hall of Fame video. This year’s inductee is announced next week.
Mr. Anderson talks about being 39 and not needing to risk an injury at the hands of someone like Bram, who doesn’t even care about his own well being. Anderson knows he can get to the dark places Bram likes to stay, but he doesn’t know if he wants to. This was more emotion than Anderson has shown in a long time and I liked it.
A depressed Rockstar Spud comes up to Bully in the back and isn’t sure what to do now. Ray asks him if he’s depressed about losing to Kurt Angle. Ray: “WE’VE ALL LOST TO KURT ANGLE!” Spud gets an X-Division Title shot in five minutes and Ray gets an unwanted hug.
Kurt Angle Hall of Fame video.
Eli Drake congratulates Drew on winning the battle royal. And of course Drake would never stab him in the back and cost him the shot right?
Before the X-Division Title match, here are some comments from Donald Trump on Mexicans, which Tigre Uno will respond to next week.
X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. DJZ vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Grado
Tigre is defending in yet another multi-man title match. I can barely remember the last one on one title shot for the belt. Grado uses the power of fat to control early on, prompting him to try to start a BELLY chant. No one can lift Grado either but he finally misses a backsplash so everyone can dropkick him down. That goes nowhere as Grado gets back up and hooks a neckbreaker for two on the champ. This isn’t the most interesting match in the world so far and it’s showing badly.
Grado and Spud take turns punching DJZ in the head but Grado keeps spending too much time winding up before finally elbowing him down. The two of them start fighting until Tigre springboards in with a dropkick, followed by one of the worst misses I’ve ever seen as Tigre’s Phoenix splash barely grazes Grado’s leg (he held his knee) but still gets the pin to retain at 4:05.
Rating: D. So let’s see: Grado is a fat guy who isn’t all that fat and does at least have charisma, has a gimmick that no one can slam him but he has a cult following. That leaves DJZ and Spud who are just kind of there, plus Tigre who had a horribly missed splash to end this wreck. No story, no real characters and no real reason for this to be happening. Well done TNA: you’ve killed what made people care about you.
Taryn promises to beat Brooke tonight as only the Dollhouse can.
Knockouts Title: Taryn Terrell vs. Brooke
Taryn is defending and chokes in the corner to start as Dinero thinks Terrell is the better Knockout because of her attire, despite it pretty much being the same as Brooke’s. Brooke comes back with a forearm but the Dollhouse pulls her to the floor for a beating. Another comeback is stopped with an elbow in the jaw, followed by another Dollhouse distraction to keep the champ in control.
A high cross body gets a pair of twos on Brooke. Taryn misses what looked to be a middle rope dropkick, allowing Brooke to make her third comeback in about six minutes. Some forearms connect but the Dollhouse interferes AGAIN to stop another comeback. There go the lights and here’s Gail Kim to run interference, allowing Brooke to hit a horribly botched Butterface Maker for the pin and the title at 7:35.
Rating: D-. After hearing Josh talk about the longest reign ever and all that jazz, it’s the female Billy Gunn getting the title? Brooke is one of the worst possible options for the title, but it’s becoming clearer and clearer that the division needs some fresh blood. Why is that always the case and why is it always the same batch fighting over the title?
Kurt Angle has given Bully Ray a great idea.
Here’s Angle to praise Ethan Carter III for being as talented as he is. Angle has no problem with the loss, but he has a problem with the way he lost the rematch. That’s why Angle went to Bully Ray with an idea: the rematch never took place, meaning there’s another rematch. However, that’s not going to be anytime soon because Angle has a tumor in his neck and is going to be out for a while.
Angle is ready to go but here’s Eric Young to interrupt. Young takes credit for the neck injury because of all the piledrivers over the last few weeks. Eric wants to be the one to put Angle out and goes all angry with some punches to trigger a brawl. Chris Melendez makes the save to break up a piledriver on the floor, only to take it himself instead. Josh is AGHAST that a Canadian doesn’t care about an American war hero.
Team 3D Hall of Fame video.
Due to Hernandez having to be edited out, here’s TNA’s replacement, from Slammiversary 2015. The clipped version airs here but this is the full review.
James Storm vs. Magnus
Unsanctioned so anything goes. They slug it out at ringside to start before heading into the crowd with Magnus taking over. Storm slams him through a table of food and grabs a beer bottle but stops to spit on the announcers, allowing Magnus to come back with right hands. They get back inside with a table being set up but Storm hits him low.
Magnus doesn’t seem to mind as he catapults Storm’s face into the bottom of the table for a unique spot. It’s off to the back of the arena again as a production guy repeatedly tells them that there’s high voltage back there. Magnus is thrown into a box and the video screen goes to a test pattern. That goes nowhere so they head back to the ring with the Eye of the Storm being countered into a powerbomb through the table for two.
Storm comes back with an Orton hanging DDT but stops to set up another table on the floor. Instead of putting Magnus through the table though, Storm yells at Earl Hebner, allowing Magnus to make a comeback. Magnus misses a top rope elbow through the table and crashes onto the concrete. That’s only good for two of course so Storm pulls out some powder.
Magnus comes back for like the tenth time but the powder goes into Earl’s eyes, meaning there’s no count off the Spine Shaker. Instead the Last Call gets two so it’s cowbell time, but Magnus hits another Spine Shaker for two. END THIS ALREADY! Now the cowbell connects and another Last Call gets another two.
Storm sets up two chairs with a piece of barricade bridged between. Magnus superplexes him through the barricade and, say it with me, it gets two. Both guys get bottles and connect at the same time with Storm falling on top for the pin (despite Magnus being on the barricade and therefore his shoulders not being on the mat) at 16:38.
Rating: C+. The match was trying but they went WAY too far and long out there as it was almost a copy of the Rusev vs. Cena match at Payback. Yeah they beat each other up a lot but I lost interest about halfway through. This felt like it was about four matches packed into one, but at least it was a fun brawl. The start was pretty lame though as they were just kind of walking around and trying to figure out what to do.
We see Storm’s promo on Magnus from after Slammiversary where Storm said he could find a woman to stand beside him against Mickie and Magnus.
Storm says there’s always room for one more in the Revolution. The partner will be someone very, very close to Mickie. Whoever it is calls Storm and he walks off to talk to her.
Carter and Tyrus come to see Ray (Ray: “I’ve got to get a door.”) because Ethan fought three times last week. Therefore, shouldn’t we postpone the match with Galloway for another week? Ray loves the input but shoots it down in less than a second. Carter needs to start acting like a champion.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway
Carter is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Drew hitting a shoulder for little advantage. Some chops have Carter in a bit more trouble and chops against the barricade make it even worse. Cue the Tyrus interference though, drawing out Eli Drake (still on crutches) to even things up as we take a break.
Back with the champ in control and slapping on a chinlock. Carter’s chest is blood red from those chops. Drew fights up so Ethan grabs a front facelock but trips Drew’s leg for something like a reverse DDT. Not the most effective looking move in the world but at least it was different. A slap to the face just fires Drew up though and a top rope clothesline gets two. There’s a powerslam for the same with Drake cutting Tyrus off from making the save.
White Noise gets two more but this time Tyrus is able to get Carter onto the ropes. Back up and Galloway no sells some chops, only to have his elbow hit the referee in the face. Carter hits him low but here’s Drake to turn on Galloway anyway. Totally shocking swerve of course. Drake leaves and the 1%er retains the title at 14:20.
Rating: D+. Not bad but it’s clear that Carter can only do so much in the ring. That being said, it fits his character perfectly as he’s getting close to channeling the Honky Tonk Man mantra of “sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.” The match wasn’t horrible but as Carter said earlier: if this is supposed to be a big match, shouldn’t there be more than about an hour and a half to build it up?
Overall Rating: D. This was one of their weaker episodes in a long time. Between the two horribly botched endings and the Slammiversary match eating up a lot of time, there really wasn’t anything to see here. Drew vs. Ethan could have been something interesting but instead it’s a one off match on a nothing show to set up Galloway vs. Drake, which should at least be entertaining. This really didn’t work with lame wrestling and very little set up for the future outside of Ray as the new authority figure. It could have been a lot worse, but this was a bad show.
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Slammiversary 2015 Date: June 28, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Mike Tenay
This should be an interesting one as the company has already taped the next month’s worth of TV before this show, but at the same time there’s some interesting stuff going on here too. The main event (in theory) is the King of the Mountain match with Jeff Jarrett returning for one more match (allegedly). Let’s get to it.
We open with the highlight package over the years. Of course this means mainly focusing on Sting, Hogan and Angle.
X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno
Tigre is defending in an elimination match with Tigre starting fast until he sends everyone to the floor for a big dive. Back in and Manik slams the champ down and we hit a chinlock, basically defeating the purpose of the entire division. DJZ tries to break up a springboard and eats a dropkick to the face for his efforts. Serves him right. Back in and Manik knees DJZ in the face because he’s still not over that broken springboard.
Manik suplexes the champ down but it’s DJZ coming back in with some nice flips and a wristdrag/headscissors combo to take both guys down. A running double knee puts all three guys down and Dinero drops a Contra Code reference. It’s DJZ up first with a modified Tower of Doom as he hits a Sliced Bread off an electric chair, only to have Tigre nail him in the face and hit a twisting split legged moonsault for the elimination at 9:45. Pope referred to it as a move that is difficult to describe.
The champ misses a top rope stomp but gets his knees up to block a splash. His rollup gets two and Manik hits a nice twisting chest buster, followed by a frog splash for two. There’s nothing going on between these spots. Back up and Tigre mostly misses a corkscrew moonsault but it’s enough to put Manik away and retain the title at 12:09.
Rating: C. This was the spotiest spotfest that I’ve seen since…..well since the last Ring of Honor show I saw. Again, there’s no story or reason to have this match other than to say “hey here’s an X-Division Title match”. Tigre is fine as a high flying champion, but they need a story to give us a reason to care about the guy.
Robbie E. says tonight is serious. He’s been here five years (not quite) and it’s time to stop the dancing and being a goof.
We recap the BroMans’ split, which is all about Jesse claiming that it was his work that made the team a success.
Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz
Jesse is officially “The Man”. Before the match they keep up the stalling with Jesse bragging about his success as the fans let him know that they don’t care. Robbie, with new music, cuts him off and beats Jesse up at ringside before doing the same inside. A big backdrop sets up a dive onto Jesse as this is all E. so far.
Godderz finally hits a powerslam on the floor but can’t get Robbie up for what looked like a gutwrench suplex. Instead a backbreaker gets two and we hit the bearhug on Robbie. That goes as far as a bearhug is going to go in 2015 and Robbie comes back with a middle rope cross body.
E. wins a slugout but gets caught in a buckle bomb, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. This time Jesse’s regular powerbomb gets two and the Adonis Lock (Boston crab) goes on, only to have Robbie make the ropes without too much effort. Robbie comes right back with a reverse DDT for a quick pin at 11:18.
Rating: C-. The match was decent enough with Jesse working on the back and then they just went to the finish out of nowhere. Jesse’s push is now a big waste but at least they’re giving someone young like Robbie a nice push. Now to be fair I can’t imagine them doing anything with it and there’s probably going to be a rematch, which is actually match #5, but this wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Technically fine, but the story is nothing all that entertaining.
Matt Hardy says he’ll win tonight.
Bram vs. Matt Morgan
Morgan returned as a surprise on Wednesday. Before the match, Matt wants it to be a street fight and Bram is all like “Okey dokey”, but with a British accent. Morgan runs him over to start and they head to the floor to actually make it a fight. Bram comes back with his big metal hook to take over, followed by some trashcan shots to the head. Back in as this match is clearly just more filler.
Morgan calls for a chokeslam but opts to Carbon Footprint a trashcan into Bram’s face. The big man can’t follow up though so Bram goes around the ring to look for a special weapon. He FINALLY picks a few chairs but gets chokeslammed onto one of them for two. That’s it for Morgan though as the Brighter Side of Suffering onto the chair gives Bram the pin at 9:30.
Rating: D+. Well at least they didn’t job Bram. I guess the blueprint part is just physical because this would be REALLY STUPID for Morgan to pick as a stipulation. The match was your standard hardcore brawl as this show continues to feel like a house show that they taped and aired here. Morgan looked fine but I don’t expect him to be back longer than maybe one more appearance at most. Nothing special here, as usual tonight.
Ethan Carter III and Tyrus don’t like JB correcting them. They try to rip his hair off but it’s real. This was basically just a plug for Wednesday’s World Title match.
Austin Aries vs. Davey Richards
The winner gets to pick the stipulation for the fifth match in the Tag Team Title series. Aries takes him down to start but then runs to the corner to hide. They trade some standing switches until Aries bails to the floor to avoid a kick to the head. Back in and Aries plants him with an STO of all things but won’t use the Pendulum Elbow.
A wristlock doesn’t get Aries anywhere as Davey dropkicks him out to the floor for some more stalling. Richards wins a chase and hammers him against the barricade but Austin comes back with a shot of his own, setting up a top rope ax handle to take over. Back in and the slingshot hilo gets two for Austin, followed by a handspring elbow for the same. Some kicks to the chest make Davey growl a bit, allowing him to come back with a kick to the chest and a German suplex.
Aries seems to be looking for a tag, because a guy who has primarily wrestled as a singles guy for years and recently reformed a tag team can’t remember how a one on one match works. Aries takes him to the floor for a big dive and nails a missile dropkick, setting up the Last Chancery.
As usual it doesn’t work (it rarely did when he was a face either) but the brainbuster doesn’t either with Davey countering into a falcon’s arrow for two. They slug it out until Davey throws him into the air for a kick to the chest, followed by the top rope double stomp (to the arm) for two more. Cue Bobby Roode and Eddie Edwards for a distraction, allowing Aries to roll Davey up for the pin at 17:28.
Rating: B. That’s probably going to be the match of the night as we’re definitely in One Night Only territory here. This was a match that didn’t change a thing but at least was entertaining while it lasted. Everyone is trying on this show, but there’s only so much you can do to overcome the power of indifference.
The Dirty Heels pick a 30 minute Iron Man match. In case you hadn’t seen these teams fight enough yet.
Eric Young says he’ll win.
Dollhouse vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong
Before the match the Dollhouse says they’re better looking so they’ll win. Kong is in a full body outfit this time. Taryn chokes Kong to start but all three Dolls are sent into the corner for a big triple splash. They officially start with Jade having no luck against Kong with a Marti having to break up a cover off a splash. Brooke comes in off the hot tag and cleans house before things settle down with Marti taking over.
Back to Jade for a bearhug, which is in no way an excuse to get Brooke’s trunks to ride up. The referee misses a tag to Kong but it goes through a few seconds later, allowing Kong to destroy the Dollhouse (sans Taryn) just like she did before. Brooke clotheslines both of them down as Kong goes after Taryn, leaving Brooke to hit a top rope facebuster (the Butterface Maker. Just go with it) for the pin at 8:23.
Rating: D. No point to the match, basically no Taryn, and just a step above a squash. The Dollhouse is already crumbling but we can get like six years of the Beautiful People. At least it’s not Gail Kim doing her least interesting stuff again, because I don’t think I can handle another major push for her.
Magnus doesn’t hate James Storm even though he wants to. Tonight he has to believe that love is stronger than hate, even if he loves the way hate feels. The devil can’t catch him tonight because he’s already inside. Good line to end this. It makes little sense but good line. Also, you would think that the whole attempted murder thing might have fired Magnus up more.
Long recap of Magnus vs. Storm. Basically Storm was all friendly but was just trying to get Mickie James to join the Revolution but she turned him down so Storm tried to kill her by shoving her in front of a train. Now it’s time for a match.
James Storm vs. Magnus
Unsanctioned so anything goes. They slug it out at ringside to start before heading into the crowd with Magnus taking over. Storm slams him through a table of food and grabs a beer bottle but stops to spit on the announcers, allowing Magnus to come back with right hands. They get back inside with a table being set up but Storm hits him low.
Magnus doesn’t seem to mind as he catapults Storm’s face into the bottom of the table for a unique spot. It’s off to the back of the arena again as a production guy repeatedly tells them that there’s high voltage back there. Magnus is thrown into a box and the video screen goes to a test pattern. That goes nowhere so they head back to the ring with the Eye of the Storm being countered into a powerbomb through the table for two.
Storm comes back with an Orton hanging DDT but stops to set up another table on the floor. Instead of putting Magnus through the table though, Storm yells at Earl Hebner, allowing Magnus to make a comeback. Magnus misses a top rope elbow through the table and crashes onto the concrete. That’s only good for two of course so Storm pulls out some powder.
Magnus comes back for like the tenth time but the powder goes into Earl’s eyes, meaning there’s no count off the Spine Shaker. Instead the Last Call gets two so it’s cowbell time, but Magnus hits another Spine Shaker for two. END THIS ALREADY! Now the cowbell connects and another Last Call gets another two.
Storm sets up two chairs with a piece of barricade bridged between. Magnus superplexes him through the barricade and, say it with me, it gets two. Both guys get bottles and connect at the same time with Storm falling on top for the pin (despite Magnus being on the barricade and therefore his shoulders not being on the mat) at 16:38.
Rating: C+. The match was trying but they went WAY too far and long out there as it was almost a copy of the Rusev vs. Cena match at Payback. Yeah they beat each other up a lot but I lost interest about halfway through. This felt like it was about four matches packed into one, but at least it was a fun brawl. The start was pretty lame though as they were just kind of walking around and trying to figure out what to do.
Drew Galloway says he’ll win, just like the Rising this Wednesday in the final battle with the BDC. Another match that should have aired here.
The audio is screwed up because of the electrical stuff earlier on. Thankfully we’re treated to a long shot of the production crew cleaning up the debris from the previous match and then a shot of the announcers.
Ethan Carter III/Tyrus vs. Mr. Anderson/Lashley
There’s no commentary and Anderson’s mic doesn’t work. It starts up again as Anderson and Carter start things off with Ethan being taken into the corner for a beating and a spear. Lashley can’t quite suplex him over the first time but Tyrus gets in a surprise chokeslam to take over. Tyrus comes in for some shots to the neck as Tenay talks about Anderson and Lashley feuding over the ECW and US Titles.
Anderson comes in with jabs as we’re treated to Pope talking about his time in OVW. His feud down there with Matt Morgan is the least interesting feud that I have ever seen so I wouldn’t brag much about it. Commentary keeps cutting out, leaving us to analyze Carter’s chinlock on Anderson with no guidance. Lashley comes in off the hot tag to clean house again with a running powerslam getting two on Carter. Anderson and Lashley slug away on Tyrus but he (mostly) suplexes them both down. Carter runs back in for the 1%er on Lashley for the pin at 10:12.
Rating: D. Standard Impact main event here but this show has already sucked all the life out of me so I couldn’t get into things. Carter winning is the only logical move here to help set up the title match on Wednesday, even though they already had him pin Lashley and Anderson. It’s almost like this match was thrown together with the best logic they could think and it still wasn’t enough.
The announcers preview King of the Mountain. Jarrett is treated as an invader.
Jarrett says he can’t believe he’s back here but wants to take this to a global level.
King of the Mountain Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett
It’s the old Legends/TV/Global Title with a new plate. The rules here aren’t exactly simple. You win by climbing the ladder and hanging the title, but in order to do that you have to earn a fall to be qualified with falls counting anywhere. Whoever is pinned must go to a penalty box for two minutes. We get big match intros with JB saying Drew is standing in the corner to his left. He’s kneeling but close enough. Jarrett is introduced by his old nickname: the King of the Mountain.
Jarrett stands back as everyone brawls to start. It’s Roode going after Jarrett first but eating a backdrop, followed by Young taking a beating as well. Jarrett goes for a strut but Roode rolls him up for a pin to become eligible and to send Jarrett to the penalty box for two minutes. Matt Side Effects Roode for two as Jarrett escapes….only to be covered by Young to become eligible. Everyone brawls inside and get sent into the ladder until Jarrett gets out.
Young hits Jarrett low but gets rolled up by Galloway for a pin. Matt hits a Twist of Fate for a pin on Roode at the same time, sending both Young and Roode to the box at the same time. Only Jarrett is unqualified at this point. Hardy and Galloway fight on the ladder (yeah remember the whole ladder part of this match?) but Jeff shoves them both down and Strokes Galloway for two with Hardy making the save.
Jeff covers Matt for two more as Young and Roode are making a pact in the box. Both guys get out and clean house before stopping to sing O Canada as we flash back ten years. Young tries to turn on Roode and gets Cactus Clotheslined out to the floor. Galloway and Hardy go to the ropes but get powerbombed down by Jarrett, only to have Roode and Young steal pins to keep Jarrett ineligible. It’s a three way fight now with Young vs. Roode vs. Jarrett with Eric getting the best of it and grabbing a guitar, only to have Jeff take it away and knock Bobby silly to become eligible.
Galloway and Hardy get out and fight over possession of the belt but knock each other down, leaving Jarrett to climb up. Young pulls him down with a powerbomb and a piledriver onto a ladder, followed by Roode coming out of the box. Galloway climbs on top of the cage for a big flip dive to put all five guys down. It’s Drew climbing again and Matt pulling him down again. Just to keep up the idea of the match of course. Roode stops Hardy and goes up but Young makes the save with another ladder. Jarrett and Young go up with Jeff hitting a Stroke off the ladders, allowing him to hang the title for the win at 20:56.
Rating: D+. So in case you don’t get it, here’s the story: TNA is freaking out that an invader (who they invited) is going to take a title that they just invented to another company which they basically advertise for free on their TV show. Oh and Jarrett is a face because he’s a legend in TNA and therefore the announcers panicking really doesn’t fit with what’s going on. The match was your standard King of the Mountain mess with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners.
Overall Rating: D. That’s the worst part: the show wasn’t even that horrible. It’s in one of the worst categories possible though: the show that didn’t need to exist and underwhelmed. There were some good matches on here and the stories were actually current so it blows last year’s Bound For Glory out of the water, but my goodness this show felt like it was going on for days. It’s not a good show and it’s clear that this company is in complete free fall as they seem to have no idea what they’re supposed to do next.
I know the TV is taped for a month or so, but they really, really need to nail them because this show felt like the last time we’re going to see these guys. With a lot of these people leaving too, things are looking very, very bleak for TNA and they don’t really seem to notice. If Jarrett leaving with a freshly made midcard title for a promotion that has held about four shows is their big story, they’re in major, major trouble.
Results
Tigre Uno b. Manik and DJZ – Corkscrew moonsault to Manik
Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Reverse DDT
Bram b. Matt Morgan – Brighter Side of Suffering onto a chair
Austin Aries b. Davey Richards – Rollup
James Storm b. Magnus – Beer bottle to the head
Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Lashley/Mr. Anderson – 1%er to Lashley
Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Hardy, Drew Galloway, Eric Young and Bobby Roode – Jarrett hung the title belt
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It’s another TNA pay per view and now, instead of being better than WWE’s offerings, the question is can they be better than One Night Only. It’s almost impossible to not beat Bound For Glory from last year, and at least there’s something borderline important on this show. Let’s get to it.
So this could be interesting as I’m not entirely sure what’s on the card in the first place.
We’ll start with the six man ladder match for the X-Division Title with new champion Tigre Uno defending against Rockstar Spud, Kenny King, Crazzy Steve, Manik and Mandrews. This is another example of the title meaning nothing as there are no feuds to be seen and it’s just throwing everyone out there for the sake of a big multi-man spot fest. It’s also telling that less than a week after the title changed hands, it’s already time for a fresh batch of opponents, despite Uno having no real connection to any of them. Tigre retains as he just got the belt earlier in the week.
I’ll take Davey over Aries to pick the stipulation for the final title match, because for some reason TNA thinks faces should pick stipulations in matches instead of heels, as common sense would suggest.
Matt Morgan will likely beat Bram via DQ or just cleanly because Bram is one of the biggest wastes in all of the company. This whole challenging anyone on the roster is really just a thing that he’s doing with no real upside. What good does it do him or anyone for that matter to have a bunch of one off matches? At least Morgan was successful in TNA. Kind of. In tag teams. Some of the time.
Ethan Carter III/Tyrus should beat Lashley and Anderson because there is zero logical reason for Anderson and Lashley to win given Carter’s upcoming title shot. Actually there’s no real reason for them to be teaming together other than they’re a pair of losers at the moment, but then again this is just another meaningless match.
Brooke and Kong over the Dollhouse in what should be another obvious ending. These are starting to worry me though as TNA is going to have to screw up something obvious sooner or later.
Jesse Godderz will beat Robbie E. because, again, there’s no logical reason for Robbie to go over. Godderz is getting a nice push as the new self obsessed heel, and having him lose to Robbie would be about the dumbest thing they could do here. Godderz won’t go very far with this character (his finisher is a Boston crab) but what they’re doing so far is working well.
Jeff Jarrett wins the King of the Mountain title. Yeah it’s now a title and the other participants are Matt Hardy, Eric Young, Drew Galloway and Bobby Roode. I love that they’re setting up a midcard title again, but their track record with these things kind of sucks. Well there’s no kind of to it actually. Maybe this will be different, assuming Jarrett actually sticks around.
Finally, James Storm over Magnus as this is probably continuing.
Overall, Slammiversary doesn’t look that bad. The card is WAY better than Bound For Glory looked last year as A, stuff actually matters here and B, I’ve heard of everyone on the card. I don’t think the show is going to mean anything other than being a long episode of Impact, but at least it could be entertaining. The build for this has barely existed because TNA can’t do something as simple as schedule things properly, but that’s the least of their problems right now. This show could be good, but it’s the most cautious optimism possible.
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Impact Wrestling – June 17, 2015: Three For The Price Of One
Impact Wrestling Date: June 17, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
We’ve got two weeks to go before Slammiversary and it’s time to start building towards the main event of the TV show two weeks from tonight. Yeah the Carter vs. Angle World Title match is going to be held on Impact instead of at the pay per view due to some scheduling issues. That is of course TOTALLY different than TNA being a poorly run company who couldn’t figure out that having a pay per view the day after a TV taping was really, really stupid. Let’s get to it.
We open with a tribute to Dusty Rhodes, who used to be the authority figure here back in the early days.
It’s time for Angle and Carter to sign the contract. In an interesting case, this is coming just after a contract signing closed Ring of Honor. Carter gets to talk first by talking about Angle beating Heartbreak Kids, Texas Rattlesnakes, Dead Men, Immortals, Electrifying Men, Rated R Superstars and some people you can’t even see. He’s also beaten submission machines, phenomenal ones, icons and charismatic enigmas (the first person mentioned actually still with this company. And shouldn’t those all be singular since Angle only beat one each?) but the World Title reigns ends with Carter.
Angle praises Carter, but thinks he’s a disrespectful punk. This time around, Kurt is healthy and ready because he’s been here before. Once Carter loses, it’s going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Both guys sign, but they also get to pick an opponent for each other. Angle gets to go first, and he picks Lashley to face Carter. Not a bad choice. Carter gets to pick next week on a live show.
The X-Division Title will be decided next week. Man just scrap Slammiversary and put on a Barney Miller marathon.
We recap the Tag Team Title series to this point, with the Wolves currently up 2-1.
Here are the Wolves with Davey talking about how they’ve fought around the world to be the best tag team in the world, and that’s what those belts mean. They’ve beaten the BroMans, the Hardys and Team 3D already and now it’s time for the Dirty Heels. Last time the Heels cheated to win, but the Wolves won’t get fooled again. Good line but points off for a WOLVES NATION shirt. Stop just putting a word in front of nation and thinking it sounds good.
Edwards wants to do match four right now, so here’s Roode sans Aries. Austin isn’t here tonight because he’s healing up after last week, so there’s no match. Eddie thinks a singles match is in order and Roode doesn’t think so, but he’ll do it if the winner gets to pick the stipulation for next week. The Wolves are fine and it’s time to go.
Bobby Roode vs. Eddie Edwards
Roode hammers away to start but Eddie kicks him outside for a big suicide dive. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Eddie but he runs into an elbow to the jaw. A Hennig necksnap puts Eddie down again as Roode is a heel this week. It’s good to know as it varies so often. Roode’s chinlock doesn’t go anywhere as Edwards comes back with a leg lariat.
The announcers call last week’s Aries vs. Angle match five stars. At least this time they’re waiting until after the match happened to praise it. There’s a backpack Stunner for two on Roode but he comes back with a spinebuster for the same. Roode tries to bring in a chair but Richards gets on the apron for some reason, earning him a swing from Bobby. The distraction lets Eddie get a rollup pin at 8:22.
Rating: C. This brings up the problem with the entire series: the matches are just ok. They’re not bad or anything, but I barely remember them a few minutes after they happened because they’re just coming and going as we wait for the big match to come for the titles to exist again. The ending made no sense either as the Wolves wound up cheating instead of the Dirty Heel. This story hasn’t been great since it started and it’s losing steam every week.
Davey makes match #4 Full Metal Mayhem. So what’s #5 going to be? Another regular match?
Joseph Park is back, minus his law firm, money or teeth. He’ll face Bram tonight and get to be the guy on top for the first time. So we’re just forgetting that he knows he’s Abyss I guess? Does that mean we’re done with the Revolution too?
We get a ten second video of Drew Galloway talking about how much he loves wrestling.
Bram vs. Joseph Park
Park tries to lecture Bram before the match and gets punched in the face. Bram slugs away but misses a chair shot, allowing Park to get in some shots of his own. Now it’s table and kendo stick time as I guess this is a hardcore match. It was never announced as one but sure why not. Park comes back with some kendo stick shots and a chokeslam for two. Back up and Park misses a spear through the table, allowing Bram to get the pin at 3:53.
Rating: F. A guy as talented as Bram is stuck in the hardcore story because there’s nothing else for him to do right now because they’ve killed off the singles titles other than the World Title and now we’re sitting here watching him against Joseph Park. Bad match here and Bram doesn’t even get to hit his finisher to win? Horrible stuff.
Taryn has a deal for Brooke and Awesome Kong: if they beat the Dolls tonight, they both get a title shot. If they lose, neither can ever have a shot again.
The world is ready to burn and playtime is over. No idea what that is for.
Marti Bell/Jade vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong
Brooke gets jumped in the aisle but here’s Kong for the save. The bell rings and Kong runs Jade over before it’s off to Brooke, who doesn’t have the same luck. Brooke fights off some double teaming but gets thrown right back into the corner as the announcers debate their taste in women. Brooke avoids a charge and spears Jade down, allowing for the tag to Kong. A chokeslam plants Marti and Brooke climbs onto her shoulders for a big elbow and the pin at 6:24.
Rating: D. This wasn’t the worst in the world but good grief Josh is getting on my nerves. Between talking about the number of days the champions have held their titles and calling Dinero the heel commentator, he becomes more of a combination of Cole and Striker every week. Nothing match here as the finish was obvious, though the story wasn’t bad.
We recap the hardcore war which ended with Eric Young choking out Chris Melendez with Chris’ prosthetic leg.
Chris Melendez wants to fight Eric Young right now. This brings Young out to praise Melendez for being an American hero, but Young just doesn’t care. He cares about no one but himself because there’s no reason for Melendez to be in the same ring as Eric Young. Does Chris really want to be here all alone next week? Chris says he’s ready. Young was just a jerk here and not crazy, making him FAR more effective as a heel. Melendez is nothing though.
DJZ vs. Jesse Godderz
Godderz laid DJZ out last week so DJZ charges right at him to start and nails a jawbreaker and middle rope back elbow (love that move). Back up and Jesse slams him down by the arm, setting up a Boston crab for the submission at 1:43.
Post match Godderz cuts a really, REALLY good promo about how he was the BroMans because he was the only one training while Robbie was on a reality TV show and DJZ was in some bar making funny noises. He rants about how Robbie was nothing until he joined the team and now DJZ is nothing either. Jesse gorilla presses him up but Robbie makes his big return and shows more fire than ever before. I’m actually digging this.
We look back at James Storm possibly murdering Mickie James a few weeks back.
Here’s a livid Magnus, two weeks after Mickie was attacked. He isn’t letting this show continue until he gets James Storm out here one on one. Here’s Storm to call Magnus the crazy jealous one for having Mickie followed by cameras. “What do you think was happening when those cameras weren’t there?” Magnus is held back by security but Storm brings out a baby stroller, presumably carrying Mickie and Magnus’ son.
James calls it his insurance policy but walks down the aisle without it. He says Mickie is a sorry excuse for a woman and Magnus is a sorry excuse for a man, which is finally enough to get Magnus past security. Storm kicks the baby stroller off the stage and of course it’s just a doll.
Video on Ethan Carter III.
Ethan Carter III vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley throws him down to start and nails a hard clothesline before just running Carter over. Tyrus finally grabs Lashley’s boot to stop his boss’ pain but Lashley easily suplexes Carter over. Another Tyrus distraction lets Carter get in a dropkick off the apron to take over. The match isn’t bad so far but I can’t take much more of Josh talking about the number of days Carter has been undefeated. Carter slows him down with a chinlock for a bit before having to escape a torture rack.
Lashley scores with a powerslam for two but Tyrus puts a chair in the corner. The spear hits the chair (Earl Hebner has zero issue with this) and Carter gets two off a DDT. The 1%er is countered and the referee goes down (like it matters), right before the spear connects. Cue another referee but Tyrus takes him out and gives Lashley a Big Ending, setting up the third referee to count two, earning him a shot from Tyrus. Lashley spears Tyrus but gets speared down, only to get nailed in the back with a chair, setting up the 1%er to give Carter the pin at 9:26.
Rating: D+. This was straight out of the Russo playbook with two chairs, three ref bumps and interference in less than ten minutes. Angle was nowhere in sight to help even the odds because the script didn’t say he was supposed to and the whole thing was just way too much. It didn’t help that Josh was driving me up the wall with his counting the days of Carter being undefeated. We get it: you’re Michael Cole and Carter is Miz. Pick a better role model.
Overall Rating: D+. This show is on the verge of flying off the rails and you can see a lot of it coming from here. The problem right now is they’re building to three different shows instead of any one in particular. You have next week’s live show with Full Metal Mayhem and the X-Division Title match, Slammiversary (which I don’t think has anything official yet) and then the bell to bell show in two weeks with the World Title match. It doesn’t help that a lot of the midcard just feels like a big waste of time when they could be doing anything else. The show wasn’t horrible but they need to focus on something quick.
Results
Eddie Edwards b. Bobby Roode – Rollup
Bram b. Joseph Park – Pin after a missed spear through a table
Brooke/Awesome Kong b. Jade/Marti Bell – Elbow drop to Bell
Jesse Godderz b. DJZ – Boston crab
Ethan Carter III b. Bobby Lashley – 1%er
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – May 22, 2015 (International Impact): Oh Yeah They Knew
Impact Wrestling Date: May 22, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
So since Destination America basically threw up a middle finger at TNA on Memorial Day weekend, there was no new episode aired on Friday May 22. However, there was a show airing internationally which has since come online. This is a few weeks old but here it is for the sake of completeness. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Hardys having to vacate the Tag Team Titles due to Jeff breaking his leg in a motocross accident, setting up the best of five series between the Dirty Heels and the Wolves.
D’Angelo Dinero is brought out for commentary. Granted that doesn’t mean much here as the only version I could find was in French.
Mandrews vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Argos vs. Rockstar Spud
Elimination match with no tags because that’s what the X-Division consists of these days. Spud starts fast and cleans house as Steve sits in the corner holding a monkey. Tigre dives over the top to take Manik out before Steve intentionally dives onto no one. He’s crazy you see. Mandrews sends Argos to the apron for a crash onto everyone, leaving Mandrews to hit a great looking shooting star onto the pile.
Back in and Manik pulls Steve out of the way of another Madrews shooting star (which would have missed by three feet anyway), setting up a rollup to get rid of Mandrews. Steve has silly string and clotheslines Manik in the corner, setting up a Cannonball for two. Wait….now there are tags? After that huge mess and insanity they have tags now??? Argos comes in for more clotheslines to Manik, followed by a reverse Shell Shock from Tigre for two. It’s strange to not hear the commentary as there’s far less to make fun of.
Steve comes back in to rip at Tigre’s mask, earning him a kick to the back of the head. Argos runs back in for a gorilla press gutbuster to eliminate Steve. It’s Argos vs. Spud now with Tigre coming in to double team the Rockstar. Tigre goes up top for a kind of top rope seated senton low blow for two and we take a break. Back with Argos hitting a running hurricanrana on Manik as we see Tigre being eliminated during the break to get us down to three.
Spud dropkicks Manik down and hits the Underdog on Argos for an elimination, leaving Spud vs. Manik. They slug it out with Spud getting the better of it with a bunch of punches and some running forearms. The Underdog is broken up and Manik gets two off his tiger suplex into a gutbuster. The same sequence sees Spud counter the gutbuster into a rollup for a near fall, followed by an Underdog from the apron to the ring for the pin at 15:23.
Rating: C. Well, you had six guys, they did moves to each other for fifteen minutes, and one of them didn’t get pinned. That’s what the X-Division has become: meaningless matches with someone coming out on top and no real reason to care about most of them. Other than Spud, these guys are almost interchangeable as far as levels of interest, so why should I care that he beat all of them?
Long recap of the BroMans rise and eventual split. It’s clear that they’re filling a lot of time.
Jesse arrives (sans shirt of course) and says he beat up Robbie because he’s better. Robbie got on a reality TV show after Jesse did so Robbie should be thanking him for his entire career. Robbie can be the Bro, but Jesse will be the Man.
Spud says that’s one step closer to getting the X-Division Title back. The people are with him, not Kenny King.
Jesse Godderz vs. DJZ
Before the match, Jesse says he’s the superstar and the reason they won the Tag Team Titles. He knows he and Zema are supposed to fight, but it would be the same ending that Robbie E. suffered. Jesse isn’t losing to a nobody. A serious DJZ comes out and says he was the X-Division Champion before the BroMans and Jesse was nothing. That’s enough to start the fight with DJZ hitting a quick running hurricanrana to send Jesse outside. A jawbreaker staggers Jesse (you might even say it stuns him) and it’s all DJZ so far.
Jesse comes back with a great dropkick and slaps on an armbar of all things. That goes as far as an armbar is going to go when your name isn’t Alberto and Jesse hot shots him down. DJZ kicks away what appeared to be a Figure Four and hits a Thesz press, only to get stomped back down. A Boston crab of all things makes DJZ give up.
Rating: D+. Jesse is trying and playing a decent heel, but at the end of the day he’s a pretty boy bodybuilder using a Boston crab as his big finisher. That’s not going to get him very far, but this is better than anything else he’s ever done as a singles guy. Robbie E. coming back for a big showdown could be entertaining though.
Magnus says this is about James Storm.
Video on Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle with Young being…….oh you know it by now.
Video on James Storm manipulating Mickie James for reasons that aren’t clear yet aside from he’s evil. Mickie’s fiance Magnus isn’t cool with this. He’ll be a lot less cool with it when he shoves her onto train tracks.
Magnus comes out for a match but says he has to deal with James Storm messing with his family, plus Storm’s Revolution. A few weeks back, Khoya hit him with a big piece of wood. Maybe that’s overcompensating for a smaller piece of wood?
Magnus vs. Khoya
Magnus stomps him down to start and they head outside with Khoya being sent into the barricade. A suplex gets some two counts and for no apparent reason, Magnus puts the referee on top of Khoya and counts two more. Well of course he does. We take a break and come back with Magnus throwing him outside again as we wait for the screw up so Khoya can take over and Magnus can make the comeback.
Magnus swings Khoya’s stick but hits the post and hurts his hands, allowing Khoya to take over. Ah there it is. Khoya stomps away in the corner and clotheslines Magnus down for no cover. A corner splash misses though and Magnus starts his comeback with clotheslines followed by the top rope elbow. A pair of Spine Shakers end Khoya at 9:39.
Rating: D+. Just an extended squash here which is how you should build towards a match like Storm vs. Magnus. It wasn’t anything interesting and Magnus still isn’t worth watching in the ring, but at least he got a win here to give him some momentum before the Slammiversary match.
Bram says he’s crazy and dangerous and he has no remorse. He’s violent you see and he’s coming for Bobby Roode.
Recap of the Tag Team Title best of five series.
Dollhouse video, focusing on their war with Gail Kim and Awesome Kong. The camera slowly zooming in on Taryn’s face as Kong’s music played was a great touch.
Rebel vs. Marti Belle
Before the match, Marti says it can still be playtime even though Taryn isn’t here. Rebel is offered a chance to leave but she won’t say anything. Finally she calls the Dollhouse the Skank House and slaps Jade in the face to get things going. Marti is knocked into Jade’s arms but a baseball slide puts them both down. Jade gets in some cheap shots as Marti gets a chair because the referee is dumb enough to fall for this.
They finally get inside with Marti in control and clotheslining Rebel down to break up a comeback. Rebel scores with a slam and a headscissors, but instead of turning Marti over she pulls her into the back of the trunks for a “comedy” bit. Another Jade distraction lets Marti hit a double arm neckbreaker for the pin at 3:16.
Rating: D. Nothing special here but it’s nice to see that Marti can work a match to go along with her stable mates. It’s a boring match though, partially due to Rebel being little more than a model who they trained to take some bumps. Dull stuff here as you can see the big divide between the top and bottom tiers of Knockouts.
Kenny King isn’t worried about Rockstar Spud and the X-Division Title.
X-Division Title: Mica vs. Kenny King
Oh so King is champion here. I didn’t actually know coming into this. King bails to start but Mica catches him with some right hands to knock the champ outside. Back in and an armbar slows Mica down but he comes back with a slam for two. Not exactly inspiring stuff so far. Mica’s ram into the buckle is countered with King snapping his throat across the ropes before firing some right hands into the face. A spinning kick to the face gets two on Mica but he comes back with a Samoan drop for two more. That’s it for him though as the Royal Flush retains King’s title at 6:40.
Rating: D+. I just do not care about this feud whether there’s a title involved or not. King is fine as the X-Division Champion but Mica and Drake are so dull and uninteresting that there’s almost no way to care about any of them. The fact that the match was dull made it even worse.
Bobby Roode was the World Champion at wrestling but he’s capable of fighting against someone like Bram.
Campaign ad for Ethan Carter III for World Champion. Him winning the title will bring down unemployment and help with the millennial problem. Unfortunately this is used to set up Carter vs. Anderson’s boring match.
Bobby Roode vs. Bram
Roode is the clear face here despite being half of the Dirty Heels tag team because TNA doesn’t think these things through. Bobby cranks on the arm to start but Bram keeps going to the ropes. After a breather on the floor, Bobby knocks him right back to the floor as they’re in first gear so far. Back from a break with the Blockbuster getting two on Bram but he rolls outside and posts Bobby to take over.
More brawling offense from Bram on the floor but Roode slugs away back inside. That earns him a hard whip into the buckle for two and a charge into a boot, only to have Bram charge into a spinebuster. There’s the Roode Bomb but Bram rolls to the floor instead of getting covered, landing in front of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bag. Roode posts him but has to avoid the referee back inside, earning him a low blow and a handful of trunks to give Bram the pin at 14:05.
Rating: C. Totally average main event here with Roode dominating most of the match and then losing to a fluke at the end. That being said, I like the idea of having Bram get a main event win, even if the next few weeks have shown us that this changed nothing and was really just a match.
Overall Rating: D+. Oh yeah they knew no one was going to watch this show. It was basically a few steps ahead of a One Night Only show, which means you could miss the show and not lose a bit of anything. Nothing show here with a few watchable matches sprinkled throughout. In other words: standard Impact.
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Impact Wrestling Date: May 1, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Al Snow
This is another special episode with Hardcore Justice, which was a One Night Only special in early April. Hopefully this is a bit of a better card as that show was just a step above a nightmare. Kurt Angle is scheduled to defend the World Title against Eric Young, but that was the case last week as well. Let’s get to it.
The opening video talks about making things hardcore tonight.
Davey Richards/Hardys vs. Revolution
Street fight with Khoya/Manik/Abyss here and the fight starts in the aisle before we have time for entrances. Davey hits a nice delayed vertical suplex on Manik but Khoya is laying waste to Jeff on the floor with a trashcan lid. Poetry in Motion hits Manik and Abyss takes one as well but with a chair as a bonus. A Twist of Fate looks to set up the Swanton on Abyss but Manik makes a save. Khoya muscles Jeff off the top for a slam and pounds away as this is still all over the place. Matt cleans house with a chair and some trashcan shots until Manik takes him down with another trashcan.
Back in and a big Tower of Doom leaves only Abyss standing but Davey flips out of a chokeslam attempt and nails Creeping Death to send Abyss outside. Khoya joins his partner and gets taken down by Davey’s suicide dive. Jeff dives as well, leaving Matt to hit the Side Effect on Manik. Davey hits a top rope double stomp for two but Abyss makes the save with a chokeslam. We get Abyss’ old crotching himself on a chair spot, setting up the Twist and Swanton for the pin for Jeff at 9:43.
Rating: C+. Well that was fun. There’s no sarcasm there as these guys kept it moving for nearly ten minutes and just beat each other up. The built in story of the Revolution destroying Eddie Edwards and Jeff gave the match a purpose and the brawling held up. Good opener here.
James Storm comes out and tells Abyss that he’s failed once too often.
Mr. Anderson liked interrupting EC3 last week and has a campaign sign of his own for tonight.
Package on Billy Corgan coming to TNA. This could be good, but it could also be a disaster.
Here’s Mr. Anderson wearing a tie and behind a podium. He doesn’t care about campaign promises, but he does want to see Ethan Carter III getting a whipping. This brings out Carter with Tyrus holding a campaign sign. Fans: “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!” Anderson: “They think you can’t wrestle.”
Anderson says that if Carter wants the title, then he needs to come take it. Carter mentions being undefeated and that gets Anderson to his point. He unveils his own sign, which says Mr. Anderson to beat the streak. That sounds like a step beneath conquering but close enough. Anderson wants a match on the live show May 8 (first mention of the match being live) but thinks we should let the fans vote. The match is on without any voting but Carter warns Anderson to tread lightly. This election gimmick is money.
X-Division Title: Kenny King vs. Mandrews vs. Tigre Uno vs. Rockstar Spud
Spud, who has injured ribs coming in, is defending in this ladder match. Everyone busts out the dives to start with Mandrews topping them all with a huge shooting star press to take out King and Uno. King makes a quick save as Spud is still down on the floor. Tigre catapults the ladder into Mandrews and King, only to have Spud shove the ladder over for the save. King nails Spud in the bad ribs but walks into a tornado DDT off the ladder. Tigre plants Mandrews with a kind of reverse Samoan drop, only to have Spud shoves him off the top.
King goes back to the bad ribs with a hard ladder shot to the bandages until Mandrews knocks Kenny to the floor. It’s Uno with the save this time as he takes Mandrews down with a C4 off the ladder. Spud wins a slugout with King but Kenny kicks him in the bad ribs. Tigre springs onto the ladder but get slammed down. The distraction lets Spud get back up, remove the bowtie, and bite King’s face. A big right hand knocks King down but Homicide breaks it up, sending the bad ribs down onto another ladder. King gets up and wins the title at 7:54.
Rating: C. What happened to this division? It used to be one of the highlights of the company but I can’t remember the last time there was a story that didn’t involve Option C and Destination X. It’s a title match, a few random matches, then a big multi-man mess with four to seven guys fighting for the belt and maybe one personality between them. Yeah the spots are cool, but I’d love to see someone actually make the division mean something again, even for a little bit.
Quick recap of Angle vs. Young.
We get to the voting for Carter vs. Anderson next week: you can vote for arm wrestling or a falls count anywhere match. The voting idea is cool, but does TNA have an app? You’re not a real wrestling company if you don’t have an app. And if TNA does have one, HOW MANY TIMES HAS IT BEEN DOWNLOADED??? THIS IS VITAL INFORMATION TO MY ABILITY TO BE A WRESTLING FAN!
Here’s Eric Young with a stretcher. Angle has wanted to see the real Eric Young, but the real version of him has been the one that has put everyone on a stretcher just like this. Tonight he has Kurt Angle in a non-title match, but that’s what Young wants. That means he can hurt Angle all he wants and put him out forever. See, Young is crazy because he has big eyes. You know who else has big eyes and is basically the exact same character as Young, but with a lot more energy and presence.
The Beat Down Clan is ready to take Drew Galloway down in the pipe on a pole match.
Rockstar Spud feels like he’s been robbed because his name was on a list with Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles. He’ll get his title back. Spud showed good emotion here and he’s growing on me more every time I see him.
Dollhouse promo with Taryn acting all psycho. She’s not worried about Brooke because it’s playtime. This is their house. The Dollhouse.
Knockouts Title: Brooke vs. Taryn Terrell
Taryn is defending but Brooke knocks her into the corner and out to the floor to start. Back in and some neckbreakers get two for Brooke but Jade trips her up, allowing Taryn to take over. She rubs Brooke’s face into the mat, starting a discussion of what the mat feels like. It’s not really funny, but at least it’s not Tazz and Tenay chattering.
A standing Curb Stomp looks to set up a high cross body from the champ but Brooke half dodges half falls out of the way. She nails a middle rope X-Factor but the Dollhouse pulls Taryn outside. That’s fine with Brooke who dives on all of them with a nice plancha. Back in and Marti offers a distraction, allowing Jade to shove Brooke off the top. Taryn’s cutter retains the title at 7:18.
Rating: C. Not bad here but there was no doubt about who was going to win here. They’re setting up a cool idea here with the Dollhouse being unbeatable and saying no one can beat her. That sounds like the calling card for one more match from Mickie James, who might just win the title and have one more run to further the wedge between her and Magnus?
The Dollhouse celebrates but Gail Kim comes out. Taryn points out that it’s three on one but Kong comes out to help even things up. The Dollhouse isn’t so sure now.
Slammiversary will be on pay per view on June 28.
Video on the Rising.
Low Ki vs. Drew Galloway
Pipe on a pole match, the second one I’ve seen Drew in in three days. Galloway has bad ribs coming in. They quickly head outside with the fans holding Low Ki for chops from Drew. Chair shots are exchanged with Drew getting the better of it but not being able to get the pipe. Drew can’t hit a powerbomb onto the chair so Ki fires off kicks to the ribs. It’s not enough to get the pipe down, but Ki kicks Drew onto the chair and hits a Warrior’s Way to drive the ribs into the steel.
That’s only good for two of course, but suddenly Ki remembers the pipe. Drew pops up to his feet and slugs it out on the top with the pipe falling to the floor. Ki knocks him into the Tree of Woe but misses another Warrior’s Way, allowing Drew to get the pipe. A shot to the ribs gets two on Galloway but he hits a quick Future Shock onto the chair (which doesn’t hurt his ribs whatsoever) for the pin at 7:25.
Rating: D+. Other than the story, there was zero need for this to be a pipe match and the pipe didn’t even play into the finish. It’s basically the same problem that killed the other pipe on a pole match, but at least they used the pipe here. I’m still not seeing the point of this feud, but this match didn’t help things.
The BDC and the Rising come out for a big brawl.
We recap Storm talking Mickie James out of her retirement last week.
Mickie James was filmed earlier today when James Storm came up to her at the market. Thankfully they were both mic’d up when Storm asked to hold Mickie and Magnus’ son.
Magnus is in the ring but Storm cuts him off before he can say anything. Storm says he wasn’t the one that said Mickie should have one more match but Magnus is getting annoyed. Mickie isn’t one of the Revolution lost souls and Storm can’t manipulate her. Storm smiles and says it was Magnus who hired a camera crew. He implies that he and Mickie used to be a thing and wonders why Mickie didn’t tell him about running into Storm in the parking lot. Good night how much better is Storm as the devil’s advocate instead of leading the horrible Revolution?
Angle says tonight is about violence and Young is leaving on a stretcher.
Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle
Non-title stretcher match but you win by strapping your opponent to a stretcher, meaning no line to cross. Angle has a bruised knee and chest coming in. They trade stomps to start with Young throwing Kurt to the floor. Both guys are rammed into the steps with Angle getting the better of it, only to get sent hard into the post as we take a break. Back with Angle reversing a whip but getting punched in the jaw. A release belly to belly puts Young down but Eric sends him outside. Young stomps him onto the steps to put Angle down, allowing him to finally get the stretcher.
Angle can’t hit the German off the apron but he can roll the Germans back inside. The third one causes a turnbuckle pad to be ripped off but they fall to the floor with Kurt still holding the grip. A low blow with Young’s shin guard slows Kurt down but the piledriver is countered into a catapult into the post. Angle hits the Slam on the floor but can’t strap Young onto the stretcher. The piledriver is countered into the ankle lock but Eric rolls him into the buckle. Now a pair of piledrivers connect and Young straps him to the stretcher for the win at 15:21.
Rating: C. And my eyes roll again. There’s no crazy, there’s no reason to believe Young is winning the title in the likely title match next week, there’s no reason for Young to have this spot over his English counterpart and there’s no reason to believe we’re not getting Carter vs. Angle in the actually interesting feud. I can’t stand this story as it’s just killing time until we get to the feud people actually want to see. Again, if Young actually acted crazy, I might care a little bit, but his matches are just standard heel matches with a piledriver as a finisher. It gets old hearing HE’S CRAZY when there’s no actual evidence of him being crazy.
Overall Rating: C-. This didn’t do it for me as the hardcore stuff didn’t change much. I like a lot of the places they’re going and next week has potential to be interesting, but they MUST get past this Young main event run as he’s just not in Angle’s league. Storm vs. Magnus, Gail/Kong vs. the Dollhouse and Galloway vs. the BDC are all good though and I could go for Spud fighting to get his title back as well. It’s a passable show, but the hardcore stuff didn’t add much.
Results
Hardys/Davey Richards b. Revolution – Swanton Bomb to Abyss
Kenny King b. Rockstar Spud, Tigre Uno and Mandrews – King pulled down the title
Taryn Terrell b. Brooke – Cutter
Drew Galloway b. Low Ki – Future Shock on a chair
Eric Young b. Kurt Angle – Young strapped Angle to a chair
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