Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay

I might as well take another look at some of the shows on the WCW YouTube channel so we’ll go with something from the terrible days of the promotion. Well terrible is kind of a stretch, as I’ve always had a soft spot for this year. This is the show that tends to be more hardcore and violent, and in this case it’s YAPPAPI time. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Lex Luger hurting Sting and various other people, so tonight Sting is back for revenge. The other big matches: Hogan vs. Flair and Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett. That’s…really not a great lineup.

Various people arrive, including someone we don’t see in a limo. That’s never good. Like, at all.

Schiavone: “We’re getting ready to break some heads!”

Cruiserweight Title: Psychosis vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea

Prince, with Paisley (better known as Sharmell) is defending and we’re in the weird unmasked Psychosis (with Juventud Guerrera) era. Hold on though as the bell rings and some music plays, with Chris Candido coming out to join commentary as a surprise. Psychosis starts fast by knocking Prince outside for a big dive (Candido: “I can do that.”) but Prince is right back inside to hammer away. A running shoulder drops Guerrera for two and Prince sends him outside as Candido wonders where his own (unnamed) valet is.

Back in and Prince pulls out the hair a bit before dropping a knee for some near falls. A super hurricanrana drops Prince and they….I’m not sure what it was supposed to be but Psychosis snaps off a gordbuster. Paisley offers a distraction so Juventud kisses her, earning a whipping with his own shirt. For some reason Paisley tries to take his belt off as Psychosis hits a guillotine legdrop. Psychosis lets up on the pin for no apparent reason, allowing Prince to hit a middle rope DDT and retain at 7:21.

Rating: C-. Like most Prince matches, this wasn’t bad, but it was really, really dull. There was nothing about the Prince that made you want to see him and having him do this gimmick didn’t make things any better. Psychosis was little more than a random challenger and he added almost nothing. Finally you have Candido, who felt like a total afterthought and did pretty much nothing here, which sums up a lot of his time in WCW.

Bam Bam Bigelow isn’t sure what the Wall is doing but he’s going to stop him tonight.

XS vs. Norman Smiley/The Demon

XS is Lenny Lane/Lodi, now a couple of stereotypical party guys, but Miss Hancock comes out for commentary. She’s not happy with her for turning her down so she’s managing Smiley and Demon instead. Smiley comes out of Demon’s casket, but gets scared by the pyro. It’s a…well not really a brawl to start but Demon and Lodi fight to the floor and Norman (in Demon paint) gives Lane the Big Wiggle.

The spinning slam is broken up so Norman brings in the Demon, who gets caught in the wrong corner. A double clothesline gets Demon out of trouble and it’s back to Norman, who is quickly caught with a Skull Crushing Finale. The Demon makes the save and Norman’s Conquest gives Norman the win at 3:42.

Rating: D-. Why was this on pay per view? XS was as low level of a team as you can get and yet they were at least a regular team. Smiley and the Demon might have teamed together occasionally but it was there for the gag of Smiley as a demon and nothing more. It wasn’t funny and thankfully it was short, with Hancock sounding more like a heel than anything else here.

Post match XS blames Hancock for the loss and seem to try kidnapping her, with Demon and Norman making the save so Hancock can dance.

Billy Kidman, with Torrie Wilson, apologizes to Booker (not T., which we’ll get to later) before their tag match. Booker says if Kidman is going to be there, he needs to be there.

David Flair and Crowbar, both in neck braces, want Daphne to stay in the back. She agrees and then smiles once they leave.

We recap the Wall’s recent path of rage, involving him beating up people like Bam Bam Bigelow, David Flair and Crowbar, with Bigelow (Wall’s mentor) standing up against him. I’ve heard far worse stories.

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

They slug it out to start and Bigelow hits a splash in the corner, followed by a clothesline to cut Wall off. A top rope headbutt connects for two but Wall is right back with a big boot. They fight out into the production area, with Wall chokeslamming him through a table for some sparks and a DQ at 3:20.

Rating: D. What was that? Well other than another TV style match which happened to be on the pay per view that is. The idea of Bigelow trying to stop the monster is fine, but could you at least let them have a decent fight first? The match didn’t even make it four minutes and Wall never felt in any real danger. Why was this here?

Immediately after the match, Crowbar and David Flair jump the Wall, with Crowbar getting him up onto the scaffolding. Wall chokeslams him through the stage in a pretty awesome crash. Ah, that’s why the match was there. Wall gets to do his signature look, which is NO WAY like Bubba Ray Dudley’s look after he powerbombed people through tables. We pause for Crowbar to be put in an ambulance as wrestlers watch.

Brian Knobbs dedicates his Hardcore Title match to Bigelow and Crowbar. Uh, thanks?

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

3 Count is defending in a gauntlet match. In one of the most bizarre choices of all time (and this is WCW), Knobbs’ theme music at this point is….a rock version of My Sharona. Naturally since this is WCW, they don’t seem to get the definition of GAUNTLET match, as 3 Count goes after Knobbs at the same time. They jump Knobbs together to start but he easily fights back with trashcan shots.

The Pit Stop puts Moore and Karagias down but Helms, wearing a mask to protect a broken nose, is immune. I’m not sure that makes sense but Knobbs is sent into a ladder, setting up some splashes off of said ladder. Knobbs is back with a fire extinguisher and a chair to Helms for the first pin (Knobbs’ music plays because even WCW doesn’t get it).

The table is pulled out and Karagias is powerbombed through it for the second fall. Another table is set up but Helms is back in with a dropkick to Knobbs…whose foot it is in the ropes so it doesn’t count. In a hardcore match. Which is called a gauntlet but isn’t. Knobbs throws a ladder over the top onto Karagias and drives a trashcan onto Moore for the final pin and the title at 6:55.

Rating: D-. Do they not know what a GAUNTLET match is? If you want this to be an elimination match then fine, just call it that instead. But no, the idea is to just call it a gauntlet match when that has nothing to do with anything. You might as well say Knobbs is challenging in an Icepick Donkey match, because it has as much to do with a gauntlet as this mess did. It wasn’t even like Knobbs was in any danger here, even with 3 Count’s cool dives off the ladder. Oh and one more thing: BRIAN KNOBBS IS WINNING A TITLE ON PAY PER VIEW IN 2000. Stop that!

Harlem Heat 2000 is ready to…..I have no idea, as it’s Big T (Ahmed Johnson) yelling. Now, you might remember earlier that I said his name was just “Booker”. That’s because the story is Booker has lost the rights to the Harlem Heat material, which somehow included the middle initial T. I’m not kidding.

Vampiro talks about doing bad things and how people like Fit Finlay drive him to do them.

Booker/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

Torrie Wilson, J. Biggs (Clarence Mason) and Cash (a big bodyguard) are here too. Ray stomps on Booker to start as Biggs talks about how he doesn’t care what happened to Crowbar. Kidman comes in for a dropkick so it’s off to Big T., who powers Kidman down. Booker fights up but the numbers game gets to him. Kidman is taken outside and held so Big T. can dive over the barricade to take him down.

That’s fine in theory except Big T. barely clears the barricade and only grazes Kidman, who doesn’t even leave his feet while Big T. faceplants. And that’s his post WWF run in a single moment. Back in and Big T. spinebusters Kidman for two but Kidman bulldogs Ray out of the corner. The Book End plants Ray with Big E. making the save, followed by a double spinebuster. Kidman dives in for the save and Ray is sent outside. That leaves Booker to kick Big T. into a rollup for the pin at 6:59.

Rating: D. And that might be the second best match of the night. That dive summed up everything about Big T.’s time here, as it was just embarrassing to see what used to be one of the coolest looking stars in years reduced to an embarrassment because he can’t do it anymore. Just dreadful here, with Booker and Kidman looking fine as a team but having absolutely nothing to work with on the other side.

We look at the Wall attacking Crowbar again.

Recap of Vampiro vs. Finlay. Vampiro is the young punk and Finlay is here to teach him some respect.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Falls Count Anywhere. Finlay hammers him down to start and hits a clothesline for a bonus. Vampiro is back up and hits a top rope spinwheel kick to drop Finlay, who shrugs it off again. Instead Finlay grabs a chair, which the referee takes away, allowing Vampiro to kick Finlay down again. They go outside and Finlay is sent into the announcers’ table but Vampiro gets too cocky and is sent over the barricade.

The fight heads out into the concourse and into the men’s room (where Finlay had promised to take him). Finlay slams a stall door onto his head but Vampiro is back with a trashcan to the ribs. Vampiro climbs onto the top of a stall but gets trashcanned out of the air. Now it’s time to go back into the concourse and even outside, which doesn’t last long. Finlay backdrops him onto the concrete but gets sent into concrete column. The Nail In The Coffin (Michinoku Driver) finishes for Vampiro at 8:39.

Rating: C-. I guess the idea here was to have Vampiro become a future star but…he just wasn’t very good. The spinwheel kick looked good but the rest was just a bunch of standard hardcore stuff. That doesn’t really make me want to see Vampiro do anything and he doesn’t exactly stand out. Finlay was his usual good self and Vampiro isn’t totally awful by any means, but he isn’t this next big thing that WCW seemed to think he was going to be.

Vampiro goes back into the arena to celebrate with the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett gives the Harris Twins a pep talk but they seem confident.

Disco Inferno and the Mamalukes are ready to retain the Tag Team Titles.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Twins vs. Mamalukes

The Twins, still part of the NWO, are challenging in a No DQ match. Vito and Ron start things off with Vito taking over to start, as Disco Inferno is already annoying the rest of commentary. Don comes in and hammers away but gets pounded down. A low blow drops Vito, who is right back up to knock Ron down. Johnny comes in for a double double ax handle to the chest, followed by something like the Harris’ H Bomb to Ron.

Don is back up to send Johnny outside and into the barricade, followed by a side slam back inside. The slow beating allows Johnny to fight back up with a clothesline, allowing the needed tag off to Vito. House is cleaned and a top rope elbow gets two, followed by a Hart Attack for two. Vito is sent outside so a double flapjack can connect for two more. A double spinebuster gets two more with Vito making the save. Inferno comes in and hits Ron in the face with the belt for two, leaving Ron to hit Johnny with the belt. The H Bomb gives Don the pin and the titles at 8:47.

Rating: D. The fans’ silence during this match sums up the issue: the Harris Twins are a perfect example of a team who is fine on paper but falls apart as soon as you get away from said paper. They’re just so, so, so boring and there’s no way around it. At the same time you have the Mamalukes and Disco Inferno, which a story that has gone on for so long that it stopped making sense months ago without ever being interesting in the first place. Boring match and the Twins winning the titles is about the worst result imaginable.

Fit Finlay says he beat respect into Vampiro but the better man won tonight. Now keep the fire burning from here on out.

Team Package (Lex Luger/Ric Flair/Elizabeth in a terrible name) is ready for Sting and Hulk Hogan tonight.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk, with Rhodes attacking Funk to continue the Funk vs. Dusty Rhodes feud. This resulted in Funk pulling out a chicken and saying it was Dusty’s son. Funk then knocked Rhodes out with the chicken, because that was a thing. Therefore, it’s bullrope match time.

Rhodes promises to make Funk bleed and retire him.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Texas Bullrope match and yes Funk brings a chicken with him. Funk does a Foghorn Leghorn impression and says he thinks he sees a chicken in the ring. The only difference between Dusty and Dustin is Dusty is a lot fatter, but Funk has Dustin’s younger brother here. Cue a man in a chicken suit, causing Dustin to run up the aisle, where Funk hits him in the head with the chicken.

The bell rings and Funk beats him into the ring, where Funk whips him with the rope. Some left hands in the corner have Rhodes in more trouble and the cowbell to the head gets two. A low blow gives Rhodes a breather and he knocks Funk into the ropes to keep up the beating. Rhodes pounds him down on the floor and they finally bother attaching the rope about four minutes into the match. A belly to back toss gives Rhodes two and the bulldog onto the cowbell gets the same.

Cue the Chicken to go after Rhodes, who beats the Chicken up, complete with clucking sound effects. Funk is back up with a low blow and of course he wants a microphone. He’s changing the rules and now it’s an I Quit match (the previous rules said you could only win by pinfall). The referee doesn’t like that so Funk hits him with the cowbell and demands that Rhodes quit. Rhodes finally quits, which doesn’t count, so he hits Funk in the head with the cowbell again. A piledriver onto the cowbell gives Rhodes the pin (which counts) at 9:01.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what to make of this, as it wasn’t a bullrope match for a good while, but then it was kind of an I Quit match and then Rhodes won by pinfall, as is usually the case. Oh and something about a chicken. Throw in the fact that we’re doing Rhodes vs. Funk (of any generation) in 2000 and acting like fans care is bizarre enough. Even in Florida.

Sid expects Jeff Jarrett to do something stupid and he’s ready to move on to bigger and better things. Was that insulting to Jarrett? I’m not sure.

We recap Sting vs. Lex Luger, which involves Luger breaking A LOT of arms (as in probably six or seven people, many of whom were wrestling in casts on this show). Now it’s time for Sting to get revenge.

Sting vs. Total Package

This is a lumberjack match, with the wrestlers Luger has injured standing around the ring. Oh yeah and it’s THE TOTAL PACKAGE now instead of Lex Luger, because that was the big change he needed. Before Sting comes out, Luger apologizes to the lumberjacks for breaking their arms. He has a backup plan though and brings out his own lumberjacks, who have their own unnecessary casts.

Luger jumps Sting to start and the fight is on, with Sting knocking him outside. Back in and Sting gets to stomp away and the jumping elbow gets two. Luger is sent outside and the lumberjacks (including Doug Dellinger) get to stomp away. Back in again and Sting is sent outside for a change, with Luger’s lumberjacks hammering on him. Cue Tank Abbott (no cast) to knock Dellinger out and leave, because Abbott is a weird guy.

All of the lumberjacks brawl to the back, leaving Luger to chinlock Sting, as Ric Flair and Elizabeth come out. Flair and Vampiro (who was apparently still there) brawl at ringside until Flair gets inside to chop Sting. This goes as it has gone for over ten years now but Luger ax handles Sting down.

Elizabeth hits Sting in the back with the baseball bat so here is Jimmy Hart, with a Hulk Hogan weightlifting belt, to chase her off. Luger loads up the Rack but Vampiro hits him with the bat (the referee looks at it happen and glares at Vampiro, allowing Sting to hit the “Stinger” Death Drop (as Schiavone can’t even get that right) for the pin at 7:01.

Rating: D-. I’m sure he was on a huge contract and all that, but who in the world thought it was a good idea to put Lex Luger in this prominent of a role in 2000? The guy hadn’t been interesting in a very long time at this point and while the arm breaking thing was something different, it was still only going to get him so far in yet another match with Sting. The fact that this was the third decade in which they had been working together in some fashion isn’t a great sign, and the results showed badly.

Tank Abbott says he took out Doug Dellinger because he can, and accuses Dellinger of taking his money.

We recap Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid for the World Title. Jarrett keeps getting title shots and has a history of cracking Sid with a guitar. End of build.

The limo door is opened but we don’t see who is in it.

The format has been changed, as this match was scheduled to go on last. Sid’s response? “Oh let’s go.” And he heads to the ring.

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett

Sid is defending and Jarrett’s US Title isn’t on the line. Before Sid shows up, Jarrett goes on a rant about how he’s tired of getting ripped off so he has something up his sleeve. He also promises that the NWO girls will show some skin if he wins the title. Sid drops him with a clothesline to start and then pounds him into the corner for the right hands. The chokeslam is broken up with a rake to the eyes so Sid takes him outside for a slam onto the announcers’ table. The beating goes into the crowd before Sid chokes against the barricade.

Cue the Harris Brothers to jump Sid, even going inside to stay on him, as Jarrett argues with the referee in the aisle. Back in and Jarrett pounds him down, followed by the sleeper. That’s broken up so the Harris Twins offer a distraction, only for Sid to send Jarrett into the belt (as held by Don) for two. The chokeslam is broken up with a low blow and the referee gets decked (because that matters in this match). The guitar to the head knocks Sid silly and Jarrett calls in….crooked referee Slick Johnson. Hulk Hogan follows him out and cleans house, including dropping the leg on Jarrett so Sid can get the pin to retain.

Rating: D. So not only did they have a terribly dull match, but somehow, HULK HOGAN is needed to beat Jeff Jarrett. Hogan drops the leg and puts Sid on top for the pin. This is getting into 1995/6 territory of Hogan having to be there to save everyone and that’s one of the last things you want to see happen. Sid was even fine as champion, but it doesn’t matter when you’re having Hogan wedged into the top spot over him.

Post match here is Scott Steiner (apparently the person in the limousine) with a guitar to Hogan’s back. The villains wreck Hogan but Sid is up for the save. Cue Ric Flair and it’s time for the strap match.

Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Strap match, four corners variety. Flair whips and stomps away to start as Jimmy Hart (with his eyes bugging out) comes to the ring to play cheerleader. It seems to work as Hogan fights up and hammers away but Flair manages a cheap shot back inside. Some choking with the strap has Hogan in more trouble but he’s back up to whip away with the weightlifting belt.

The beating continues on the floor before Hogan rains down the right hands in the corner. A bite to the head busts Flair open and Hogan keeps hammering at the cut. Flair manages to go up and gets slammed down, with Hogan sending him outside for a clothesline. Hart gets in some whips as the squashing continues. Cue Lex Luger to chair Hogan down and leave, allowing Flair to whip Hogan back to ringside. A low blow drops Hogan again and Flair unhooks himself for the sake of chasing Hart.

They hook up again with Hart getting in as well, only to get taken down. Flair goes after the knee and drags Hogan to two corners and then a third before using a foreign object to knock Hogan silly. That’s enough to break the chain so the corners are broken…and Flair covers Hogan for two. That triggers the Hulk Up and Hogan knocks him silly to get three buckles but Luger is back. Hogan boots him down and drops a leg to pin Flair at 14:26 (the referee is fine with this).

Rating: D-. There’s a clip from Family Feud where the question is asked “Do you understand the concept of this game?”. That’s what I’d want to ask here, as it seems like they just kind of changed the rules halfway through. That’s dumb enough on its own, but they tried to do the same thing in the other match involving two people being tied together (because they did that same gimmick twice in about an hour). Hogan gets to slaughter Flair again though, because that’s what he did most of the time, and if that involves changing the rules as they go, so be it. Horrible main event, which shouldn’t be a surprise whatsoever.

Hogan touches the fourth buckle to really rub it in. Posing ends the show. Wait: why was it a big deal that they changed the order of the last two matches? That was treated as some kind of a big plot point and it didn’t seem to matter at all.

Overall Rating: R. For Reset, which is what this company did three weeks later. On April 10, WCW decided to tap out and completely relaunch everything, because the place that the shows were at, spearheaded by this one, was so bad that they didn’t think there was a way out. Think about that for a second. This show was so bad and put the company in such a place that WCW just blew up its continuity and started over. It might not seem possible to get that low, but WCW decided that was the best course of action.

And really, can you blame them? The matches ranged from passable at best to WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, with rules literally being changed in the middle of matches and the same pairings we’ve seen for years now being trotted out again and again. The end result of the main event was Hogan pinning Flair to win a match where you have to touch all four corners. This was meant to be celebrated due to reasons beyond my comprehension.

That’s on top of the Harris Twins as the Tag Team Champions, XS, Psychosis and David Flair getting pay per view time, plus a group named Team Package and a fight over the letter T. This show was an all time disaster and I can’t blame them for just giving up. Hogan is doing some of his worst stuff here and unfortunately he’s not alone. I have no idea what good came out of this show, and apparently neither did WCW.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #281
Date: March 12, 2001
Location: Knoxville Civic Coliseum, Knoxville, Tennessee
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson

It’s Greed week and that means we’ll likely hear more about Dusty Rhodes and his rather unfunny stipulation for Sunday’s tag match. Other than that it’s time for the final push towards the pay per view, which hopefully means more of the pretty good Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page feud. Let’s get to it.

We open with the new Mr. Electricity Jeff Jarrett coming out for a chat but Dustin Rhodes sneaks up on him and we’re off in a hurry. Jeff comes back with some right hands of his own but stops to yell at some fans. Speaking of the fans, this is a really oddly designed arena as it has the lower level of seats, then what looks like an eight foot high black wall around the arena and then the upper levels. Dustin comes back with ten punches in the corner and then the Dustbuster (Shattered Dreams) to put Jeff down.

A security camera shows most of the Magnificent Seven arriving. Buff Bagwell has a camcorder to really hammer home the NWO overtones.

After a break we see Buff filming a documentary on the team, which Flair keeps calling the elite. Ric brags about the team and talks about how he’s been waiting for this moment for twenty years. He goes on about how awesome his career was and how he’s learned to be the greatest at everything he does. This turns into a speech about how much better he is than Hogan, Savage and Piper because he’s still here. The screen starts messing up as we hear about Scott Steiner’s hit list. Jarrett comes in to complain about them not having his back. The team tries to calm him down but Ric has a plan.

We look back at Dustin beating Jarrett down, all those minutes ago.

The announcers make sure to point out that Midajah is back with the Magnificent Seven.

Now we look back at Kanyon overturning M.I. Smooth’s limo.

The new owners might be at ringside tonight.

Recap of the first round of the Cruiserweight Tag Team Title tournament.

Tony tells us something has happened in the back and spends the next fifteen seconds asking if we have the video.

Midajah has been laid out. I really hope this becomes something soon enough as otherwise that would be yet another name brought back while people like Crowbar are rapidly released as cost cutting measures.

Cruiserweight Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Jung Dragons vs. Elix Skipper/Kid Romeo

The Dragons get jumped to start with Skipper using the Matrix to avoid a cross body. That always looks cool. A springboard enziguri drops Romeo but it’s way too early for Yang Time. Instead Yang dives onto Romeo and Skipper with Kaz doing the exact same thing. Elix comes in and throws Kaz with a double underhook suplex.

A spinwheel kick to the hands puts Skipper down as that black wall is really getting distracting. Until the camera pans back you can’t see more than about four rows. Everything breaks down and a Liger Bomb into a neckbreaker gets two on Yang. Romeo’s Last Kiss (Snow Plow) gets the same, followed by Yang and Elix falling out to the floor. Back in and Yang Time misses, setting up the Play of the Day to send Romeo and Skipper to the finals.

Rating: C+. This didn’t last long enough to get sloppy and everyone flew around to make the match entertaining enough. Romeo really doesn’t seem like the big deal WCW thinks he is but putting him straight into a title picture like this is one of the best things they could do for him this early.

The Magnificent Seven blames each other for Midajah’s attack. Scott wants to see Buff’s video.

Lance Storm/Mike Awesome vs. Mamalukes

It’s a big brawl to start and they’re quickly on the floor with the Canadians taking over. Things settle down with Johnny dropkicking Storm out of the air and handing it off to Vito for some bad looking right hands. Storm comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick, followed by the Awesome Bomb for the pin.

Johnny gets beaten down until Hugh Morrus and Konnan make the save.

Here’s Stacy Keibler pushing a baby carriage. PLEASE don’t let this mean David Flair is coming out next. Her baby has taught her to be happy in her life and nothing makes her happier than her man: Shawn Stasiak. Well…..it’s better than David. I think. Stasiak poses while Stacy takes off her long gray dress to reveal little black one, meaning it’s time to dance. They pull out the baby and it’s a bunch of pictures of Stasiak. Shawn: “He looks just like me.” Stasiak insults the fans for being tattooed losers so here’s Bam Bam Bigelow to interrupt. Bigelow challenges him to a match on Sunday as Stasiak bails.

The Magnificent Seven look at the footage. The tape shows all the guys leaving for some reason and a hand moving the camera before Midajah screams. Scott is furious.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say. Booker has had a great time since getting back but the Magnificent Seven has been getting on his nerves. He wants one of them out here right now for a fight. This brings out Scott Steiner to answer on behalf of someone but he’s cut off by Diamond Dallas Page. Scott doesn’t want to hear it and says if Page interferes in this match, he loses his title shot on Sunday.

Booker T. vs. Lex Luger

Luger runs in through the crowd and attacks without a bell ringing. Such villany. There’s a torture rack as the referee comes in to call for the bell. That would be the OPENING bell though and Luger hasn’t won yet. Luger charges into a boot in the corner and a side slam gets two for Booker. They head outside with Luger whipping him into the barricade before getting two off a slam. A suplex keeps Luger’s offense at its high level and we hit a bow and arrow with Luger’s knee in Booker’s back. Booker fights up and grabs a rollup out of the corner for two, followed by the normal kicks. The Bookend gives Booker the clean pin.

Rating: D. Booker was trying here but when your opponent’s big move is a suplex, you’re kind of limited in what you can get out of a match. Luger is just so worthless right now and he can’t retire soon enough. At least he’s been putting people over lately, albeit years later than he should have been.

Post match Rick Steiner comes in for the beatdown, only to have the Cat make the save. That save is cut off by Kanyon and the good guys are beaten down until Page makes the real save with a chair. The post match stuff was more interesting than the match.

Evan Karagias vs. Shane Helms

Shane’s big entrance is still cool. They trade forearms to start until Helms counters a hurricanrana into a sitout powerbomb for the first two count. Evan is right back up and missing a top rope Lionsault, only to come back with a suplex for no cover. A good looking Sugar Smack gets two for Shane but Evan hits him with a DDT and a top rope corkscrew splash for two of his own. A quick Nightmare on Helm Street sets up the Vertebreaker to give Shane the pin.

Rating: C+. Fine match but it was “you do a spot, I do a spot” until the Vertebreaker ended it. To be fair though that’s part of the problem with having the same guys fight each other so many times. You’re going to run out of stories to tell and eventually it becomes just an exchange of moves instead of a flowing match.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in to plant Shane with a brainbuster post match.

Smooth punches out Disco and takes his match with Kanyon.

We recap the Rhodes Family vs. Flair/Jarrett match.

Last week Dusty and Dustin talked about the match with Dusty clearly having no idea what to say. The difference though is he can keep going long enough until he finds a coherent thought and get to the point. For instance he starts babbling about how they’re going to Greed on Sunday but can’t connect that immediately.

He says things like “well let me tell you” and “the point is” until he eventually says greed is about money, which Jarrett and Flair have enough of so it’s time to take them down. It took a long time to get there but it made enough sense which sounds better than having someone write some stupid line for him. You can see that he’s thinking through it the entire time and can see the process as he goes.

Flair and Jarrett say they’ll win.

Kanyon vs. M.I. Smooth

Smooth is suddenly limping and barely able to walk after punching out Disco with ease earlier. Kanyon drops him with a single shot and this doesn’t seem to be a match. Tony: “We may see the end of a man’s career here.” Kanyon is going to beat him so badly he can’t drive anymore? The beating continues for a bit until Kanyon goes to leave but Smooth gets to his feet and says bring it. Kanyon blasts him in the head with a chair twice in a row so Smooth crawls over to him so it’s two more chairs to the head. Smooth STILL WON’T STAY DOWN so Kanyon finally leaves.

That’s one of the dumbest segments I’ve seen in a long time. So there was no match in the first place (fine) but four hard chair shots to the head can’t put this guy down? Screw Diamond Dallas Page getting the shot. Apparently the answer to conquering Scott Steiner is to put Smooth the Limo Driver in the title match instead. What does this accomplish though?

Kanyon vs. Cat is the match at Greed and there’s no reason to believe that Smooth will be involved so what did this change? Kanyon is a villain? We already know that. Was it to give Smooth a rub? Why not give it to a regular wrestler? Nothing was improved here and that’s one of the many problems WCW has had over the years: wasting segments on people who don’t need them. Oh and again: Crowbar was a cost cutting measure but Smooth can keep a job.

Rick Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Non-title but first of all we need Scott Steiner to call Page stupid several times. Then he talks about the Earth rotating on a 51 degree angle, meaning the sun will be on his right and the dark side of the moon on his left while he eclipses Page. I could listen to the inside of Steiner’s mind for days.

We’re ready to go after a break with Page sprinting to the ring and clotheslining Rick down. Another clothesline puts him on the floor and Page hits a much better looking plancha than someone his age should be able to hit. Back in and Page gets crotched as they’re flying through this match. That pace abruptly stops when Steiner takes over and sends Page into the barricade. A belly to belly gets two on Page but he crotches Rick against the post.

Page hits the Diamond Cutter but Steiner lands on his knees (kind of), which is more than enough justification for him to cover Page and completely no sell the #1 contender’s finisher. I think he was supposed to hold onto the ropes and send Page to the mat in a crash and it was just too much effort for Rick to put in. Instead Rick gets two off a bulldog as Scott Hudson runs to the back to cover some breaking story. The Steiner Driver is countered into the Diamond Cutter (sold this time) but Animal comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This is a great example of one guy not being able to carry a match. Page was trying to have a good match but Steiner was just there, doing his normal stuff and barking without even being able to get the Diamond Cutter spot right. It gets really annoying watching people like Rick (or Luger earlier) clinging to these spots because of their names and absolutely nothing more.

The Seven run in but we cut to the back to see Cat and Booker T. on stretchers. Back in the arena, Page is destroyed with a pipe shot to the back and the Recliner to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. For a regular show this was passable but for a go home show for a pay per view, this was just a step above a disaster. The only major story that got any real focus was Page vs. Scott Steiner. Booker and Rick only interacted in a big post match brawl, the Tag Team Champions didn’t even appear, Smooth isn’t in a match on Sunday, the cruiserweight stuff was its usual filler material and Team Canada vs. the Mamalukes was just there. It also doesn’t help that the last scene is Page getting beaten down by Steiner, which doesn’t exactly fill me with hope heading into the title match.

This show was a mess with the usual bad matches from people on top but it was made even worse by the lack of storylines being played out. The new owners showing up was mentioned once and then forgotten, Midjah’s attacker was teased for the first half of the show and then forgotten and then there’s Stacy and Stasiak which is best left forgotten. For all the good things WCW has going on at times, there are so many more things dragging it right back down.

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Thunder
Date: January 31, 2001
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

I’m running out of things to say about these intros. We have less than two months to go in this company and it’s most likely a skippable B-show with a main event between two midcarders who don’t have an interesting feud. Or maybe a tag match with two members of a heel stable against a semi-regular tag team. I would offer a suggestion of a great cruiserweight match with two people being elevated to new heights but that’s not the WCW way. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday’s events, including a big focus on the return of the Rhodes Family.

Cat is willing to give Rick Steiner a US Title shot at SuperBrawl, provided Ric Flair doesn’t find out about it. Good thing he’s just the CEO and doesn’t watch the show or look at the pay per view card. It’s always cool to see wrestlers act like a fan.

Opening sequence.

Billy Kidman vs. Shane Helms

Helms goes straight at him to start until charging into a raised boot in the corner. Kidman tries a wheelbarrow suplex but gets flipped out to the floor, allowing Shane to hit a good looking dive off the top. They head into the crowd with Kidman hitting a quick dive off the barricade before taking Shane back inside. Helms grabs a fireman’s carry into a facebuster before a running neckbreaker drops Kidman again.

A middle rope fist drop ala Jerry Lawler gets two for Shane and for some reason Kidman reaches out under the bottom rope for a tag. Helms’ front facelock slows things down a bit and a chinlock makes it even worse. Back up and Kidman grabs a belly to back suplex into a side slam for two.

In a change of pace, Shane grabs a double underhook and pulls back on the arms for a submission attempt. The hold is broken with Kidman scoring off a dropkick and backdrop for two. Kidman’s superplex is broken up though and Shane gets two off a top rope sunset flip (that’s always cool looking). The Kid Crusher is countered into the Vertebreaker but Kidman flips out of that as well. He takes Shane into the corner where Shane flips out again, setting up the Vertebreaker for the big upset.

Rating: B. As usual the cruiserweights are just awesome around this time and it almost never gets boring watching them. I’ve been digging the heck out of Chavo lately but it’s really time for someone to take the title off of him and turn the belt into something more valuable. Helms is the best bet and I’m almost sure this is the launching pad for him to move up to the title scene.

Here are Scott Steiner and Midajah with the champ insulting everyone he can think of but focusing on Dustin Rhodes, who was stupid for not taking the sure thing on Monday. Steiner even rips up Dustin’s contract, which is at least better than eating it. Cue Kronik to ask about a fight but Totally Buff jump them from behind. Rick Steiner tries to make the save but gets guitared by Jeff Jarrett. Kronik takes the real beating and I’m sure this means Luger/Bagwell vs. Kronik for the third time this month on Thunder.

Post break, Flair makes Jarrett vs. Rick Steiner and Totally Buff vs. Kronik.

Ron Harris vs. Lash Leroux

Don has a doctor’s note but the referee has a solution to prevent more twin magic (which implies that someone actually watches these matches, which makes me skeptical): drawing an X on Ron’s hand with a marker…..which the Harrises take away before the bell rings. Ron pounds Lash with the intensity you’ve come to expect from a Harris Brother match.

Lash quickly dropkicks him to the floor and it’s already time for the switch as Don throws the marker back in with the referee thinking it fell out of his pocket. Well to be fair the referees are often rather stupid so play it up a bit. Don gives him the H Bomb for the pin. Now why do I have a feeling no one is going to watch this and say, suspend Don from ringside?

Some guy laughs at Kwee Wee and tells him to crawl back into the closet he crawled out of.

Chavo Guerrero says he needs a better challenger than Rey Mysterio. As he’s talking, Hugh Morrus sneaks in and jumps Wall.

Norman Smiley wants to make sure Glacier will have his back and is given an affirmative.

Chuck Palumbo and Sean O’Haire think Mark Jindrak and Shawn Stasiak are just jealous of the Tag Team Titles.

Ric Flair gives Mike Sanders a match with Konnan and tells him to come up with something dirty.

Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

There’s no Glacier to start so Norman is even more freaked out than usual. Norman makes the mistake of trying to work on Bigelow’s arm but actually takes him down. Unfortunately there’s not much of a way around Bigelow’s power as he shoves Norman to the floor, allowing him to look around for Glacier. Back in and the beating continues as Glacier comes out, just in time to see Norman take Greetings From Asbury Park for the pin.

Post match and post Bigelow leaving, Glacier says he’ll always have Norman’s back.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Rick Steiner

Jeff wants the countout like he got over Page on Monday but Steiner is, you know, here. Steiner takes it to the floor to avoid having to wrestle, only to have Shane Douglas come out in a hurry. The chain shot hits Jeff by mistake and Steiner gets in a bad looking Death Valley Driver for the fast pin.

Kwee Wee vs. Scotty O

Scotty is a Power Plant guy who would wind up in OVW for a long time and the person who laughed at Kwee Wee earlier. Kwee Wee slaps him in the face and it’s Angry Alan time with something like Dalton Castle’s Bang-A-Rang planting Scotty. A jawbreaker doesn’t get Scotty out of trouble as Kwee Wee folds him in half with a belly to back. Some hard shots to the head and a face plant set up a German suplex as this is a total squash. A piledriver puts Scotty away.

Rating: D. Kwee Wee continues to be an interesting “what if” case as he certainly had some in ring abilities and good charisma but he’s stuck with one of the gimmicks that are just going to cripple your career. Even a regular haircut and dark tights would have done him a world of good but there was no way this was ever going to be taken seriously.

Sean O’Haire/Chuck Palumbo vs. Mamalukes

Non-title. Palumbo and Vito, in street clothes instead of his gear, get things going before Johnny comes in for a quick double team to take over. A double spinebuster plants Sean for two with Palumbo making the save. Vito grabs a swinging neckbreaker followed by a gorilla press from Johnny to send O’Haire flying but he hot shots the Bull to take over for the first time. It really is amazing what happens when you get rid of Jindrak and Stasiak and let the two more talented wrestlers represent the team.

O’Haire doesn’t quite jump all the way over Palumbo as he tries to land on Johnny’s back (more on Palumbo’s head) but it looked good in theory. Everything breaks down and it’s O’Haire elbowing Johnny in the face on the floor. The Jungle Kick to Vito sets up the Seanton Bomb for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here as the Mamalukes are really gelling as the jobbers to the stars tag team. There’s just enough there that you could buy them pulling off an upset and making this non-title made it even more possible. O’Haire and Palumbo need more seasoning as a team but you can see the chemistry there.

Post match Jindrak and Stasiak run in and want a title shot. The champs agree and get beaten down.

Scott Steiner, Jarrett and Flair are off to jail, presumably to annoy Page.

Sanders gives Reno his match against Konnan and tells him to tap out in a hurry. I think I feel a stupid plan coming on.

Totally Buff say they beat Goldberg and he beat Kronik so they can beat Kronik. You know who else beat Kronik? YOU TWO, YOU PISTACHIO HEADS!

Konnan vs. Reno

Konnan calls him Reno Riggins in a joke that probably goes over 99% of the fans’ heads. They trade arm holds to start but Konnan does a nice roll over into a quickly broken ankle lock. The rolling lariat drops Reno and something like Kofi Kingston’s SOS gets two. Konnan grabs the Tequila Sunrise and Reno taps before the hold is on.

Sanders comes out to say things aren’t always what they seem. Reno hits a quick Roll of the Dice. Wait so they just gave up a clean submission for the sake of hitting a move after the match? Indeed, that was a stupid plan.

Totally Buff vs. Kronik

For the third time this month. Bagwell takes the heel beating you would expect him to take to start off with Kronik hitting all of their standard power moves, including a big gorilla press from Adams. He always was good at that. Luger comes in for an elbow to Clark’s jaw but a tag back to Adams breaks everything down. Buff saves Lex from High Times, only to have Animal blast Clark with a chair so Adams can take the Blockbuster for the fast pin.

Rating: D. And you thought the Usos vs. the Club was overdone. This is another match that I never see again but in this case I never wanted to see it in the first place. Animal interfering wasn’t shocking and it keeps him from falling asleep in his soup for another week. Bad match of course, but I do like Adams’ press slams.

Flair and company arrive at the jail but Page made bail an hour ago. Ok pause for a second. WCW acknowledges that Nitro and Thunder are taped on the same nights. Now did Page get arrested on Monday and make bail Wednesday or did he get arrested and make bail less than three hours later? Anyway they go into Page’s cell for no apparent reason and find a letter he’s left them to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s some good stuff here and the wrestling is enough to carry it over a lot of the really uninteresting storyline stuff but the show still doesn’t work that well. There’s only so much you can do when your main story is so all over the place and Page is leaving letters in prison while Nash is just not here. If they threw someone younger into the main event scene it might be ok but as it stands they’re destroying the other good stuff they having going on.

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Thunder
Date: June 7, 2000
Location: Civic Coliseum, Knoxville, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,088
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the final show before the Great American Bash and this week’s Nitro was one of the biggest disasters I’ve ever seen. WCW has decided to make the old and new talent look horrible, aside from Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner, because they’re the future I guess. It can always get worse though so let’s get to it.

Nitro clips and we’re moving on.

Bischoff and lawyers arrive. Oh geez this is going to be bad.

Opening sequence.

Here are Bischoff and the lawyers with something to say. After sucking up to the fans, Bischoff gets right to the point: Goldberg is suspended for ninety days for his actions on Monday. Yeah that guy that we built up for months that you might want to see? He’s already gone again. On a more serious note, Jarrett is out of the main event of Great American Bash due to what Sting did to him on Monday. This brings out Jarrett wearing a neck brace, leg cast and arm sling while limping on a cane. Well he’s certainly selling.

Jeff is all serious and apologizes to everyone even though it was all Sting’s fault. Cue Nash with a bat, which he says is going to be used to take Jeff’s temperature. Instead he hits Jeff in the bad arm and loads up the Jackknife but Bischoff swings the bat at Kevin. That goes nowhere so Jeff takes off the rest of the protective gear and attacks, only to be knocked to the floor with ease. Weren’t you watching Nitro Jeff? You need AT LEAST seven people to take Nash down or else he might pin you without touching you.

Captain Rection is giving orders for the Misfits’ biggest mission yet.

Russo and David Flair bring in a bunch of senior citizens for some reason with Russo insulting all of them.

Daffney comes up to David Flair and asks why he hasn’t called her. She accuses him of cheating on her with “Miss Peacock.”

Kimberly and Jarrett are yelling at Bischoff while Cat yells at both of them. Jeff finally tells all of them, including Cat, to get out.

Cruiserweight Title: Daffney vs. Lieutenant Loco vs. Disco Inferno

Daffney is defending. The Animals and Misfits are all here too, basically making it a lumberjack match. Konnan spews what is supposed to be English but I’m not entirely convinced. Disco: “Word to your mother.” Tygress joins in on commentary and this could go badly. Disco goes for a quick rollup on the champ but Loco makes the save and brawls with Disco in the corner.

That’s fine with Daffney who adds a middle rope Frankenscreamer. Now Loco and Daffney yell at each other until Disco headlocks him, only to get suplexed back down. Cue Crowbar to run inside and dive on the Misfits but here’s Miss Hancock to yell at Daffney. This brings out Kimberly to shove Hancock into Daffney, which brings out Major Gunns to yell at Kimberly for interfering. The match of course breaks down and Rey hits a Bronco Buster on Chavo. Everyone runs in and GI Bro cleans house with a Rock Bottom to Disco, giving Loco the pin and the title. As always, WAY too much in so short a match.

Gunns gives Chavo CPR because a match not even lasting three minutes has knocked him out.

Kidman kind of apologizes to Torrie for treating her like garbage on Monday. Well that’s nice of him.

Russo summons the Cat.

After a break, Cat has ejected the MIA from the building.

Kidman vs. Major Stash

Kidman has Horace with him. Before the match, Kidman says he knows they can trust each other after Monday. That might be a record for their longest time since turning on each other. Kidman goes after Stash to start but the big guy throws him down and knocks Horace to the floor where he belongs. Stash starts taking over with the power and tosses Kidman out of the corner with ease.

Horace tries to validate his existence by pulling Stash to the floor, setting up a plancha from Kidman. Now we get to a big reason why the relaxed rules don’t work: Kidman distracts the referee so Horace can whip Stash into the steps. It’s been made clear that cheating is legal now so why is Kidman bothering with the distraction? Anyway Stash comes back with a superplex but Horace comes in with a Death Valley Driver (with no distraction this time), allowing Kidman to drop a top rope elbow for the pin.

Kidman calls Torrie down for some “making up” but she slaps him in the face and leaves.

And now, a dance lesson with the Cat as he teaches the group of seniors. One of them threatens to smack the bleach out of his hair. This has been a dance lesson with the Cat.

Here are Russo and David with the seniors and it’s time for a party. Could this be a party to make fun of Ric Flair by any chance? I’m just guessing here of course. There’s a goodbye cake in the ring and I’m kind of curious to see if Russo can screw up the oldest idea in wrestling. Well the oldest one that he hasn’t screwed up yet because he’s already ruined the actual wrestling part of it.

David rips on his dad as he’s done in the past and Russo brags about being 2-0 in wrestling. He isn’t supposed to be here tonight due to a concussion and torn ligaments (real men don’t limp!) but he couldn’t miss this party. Russo says these are Ric’s friends because they’re all so old and it’s time to sing For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow. This brings out an even bigger cake, which Russo thinks has Ric inside.

Ric shows his intelligence though by coming out from under the ring and attacking from behind (because you can’t fight Vince Russo and David Flair in a straight fight. They’re intimidating you see.) and putting both of them into the cake. So yeah, Russo wins inside the Cell on Monday without ever selling being in the Figure Four for seventy seconds but Ric got to shove them into a cake. Somehow, I bet Russo thinks Ric got the better of this.

Rick Steiner, Tank Abbott and the Goldberg truck are here.

Bischoff says Goldberg is arrested if he comes in the building. Will the cops pull guns on him like they did with Hogan a few months back?

The Mamalukes are in the back when the Wall attacks them, meaning it’s time for a Hardcore Title match. Yes title match, because Bischoff gave them the title off camera since he wouldn’t even vacate a title on screen. Does this surprise anyone? The Freebird Rule is in effect.

Hardcore Title: Mamalukes vs. The Wall

The Wall pounds on both guys but here’s Johnny with a 4 foot tall box of Kraft macaroni and cheese. Come on Kraft, this is where you thought product placement was a good idea? The fight goes into the parking lot with the Mamalukes doing what they can against the monster (well as much of a monster as he is these days), eventually taking him into the arena and the fans. This is the walking around with the occasional punching style.

Into the ring they go with the Mamalukes hitting a double hiptoss into a powerbomb for two. Wall pops up, kicks Vito in the face and chokeslams Johnny before grabbing a table. Well what else was he going to do? Johnny is about to be thrown through the table but here’s Shane Douglas with a chair to Wall’s back, followed by a running powerbomb through the table. A top rope splash from Johnny is enough to retain the title.

Rating: D. So….best hardcore match in months? It’s probably better that they just gave the Mamalukes the title because they could actually get something out of it instead of just doing the same Terry Funk/Bischoff nonsense that made the belt even more of a joke than it already was. If they have to have the title around, at least let someone young use it to maybe get over.

Wall sits up like Undertaker and chases Shane off. The Mamalukes are just standing around so here’s Tank Abbott to knock them both out. It does make sense as they’ve been champions for all of six minutes so it must be time to make them look worthless. Tank wants Goldberg again and would love a rematch anytime. This Sunday, he’s going to make Scott Steiner his freak, but tonight he wants someone sexy. Oh man Nash vs. Abbott could be GOLD.

Abbott calls Nash out (after we cut away to a movie promo of course) and goes outside to yell at Schiavone’s son, who throws soda at him. Geez Tony hasn’t disciplined his son very well. Cue Nash for a brawl until Rick Steiner makes it 2-1, drawing out Scott Steiner for the save. This brings out Bischoff to say tonight it’s Steiner’s turn to run the New Blood gauntlet. If Nash interferes he’s out of the title shot and if Goldberg appears, he’s arrested.

Goldberg is in the back.

Cat yells at some cops.

Mike Awesome arrives in his ambulance.

Corporal Cajun vs. Mike Awesome

And for once it’s not an ambulance match! Awesome goes right after him to start because this should be a squash but is likely to be something else entirely. A big clothesline puts Cajun down, followed by a powerbomb and a splash for two. There’s the Awesome Splash from the top but let’s get a table instead of covering. Awesome drops Cajun with another clothesline and sets up the Awesome Bomb but here’s Page for the DQ, which is likely ruled a no contest because there was no bell. I know this isn’t traditional, but when someone interferes and attacks one of the wrestlers, it’s a DQ.

Awesome fights back with a halo shot and powerbombs Page through the table.

Hollywood Hogan arrives.

The cops are too busy looking at Kimberly to go after Goldberg.

Tag Team Titles: GI Bro/Captain Rection vs. Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo

Stasiak and Palumbo are defending of course. Rection and Stasiak get things going and this is pretty easily one of the worst ideas you could have in a match. Rection takes over with a clothesline and it’s off to Bro for a double elbow. Booker deserves so much better than this but at least he’s not another face in the crowd. Some double teaming puts Shawn down so it’s off to Palumbo who scores with the Jungle Kick (I have no idea why it’s called that but I like the name) to take over on Rection.

Cue Rection’s crazy dad from like three months ago as Stasiak comes in sans tag with a top rope clothesline for two. Chuck comes back in for a jumping back elbow as Rection’s dad seems to be enjoying Gunns’ camouflage trunks. His son keeps getting beat up as the announcers finally remember this stupid angle. Bro comes in for a failed save attempt but it lets Rection powerslam Chuck for a breather. It’s legally off to Bro for some house cleaning before he brings the Captain back in for a top rope elbow. No Laughing Matter but Dad comes in for a distraction, allowing Palumbo to blast Rection with the workout bar for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad actually and again that’s likely to it getting more time than almost any other match. Also, points to Russo for actually only putting in one angle before the cheating ending. That’s a lot better than usual, but it’s also really depressing when resurrecting a one off angle from the spring is a sign of improvement.

Kronik comes out to help destroy the champions.

Sting vs. The Cat

Before the match we get some dancing and bad grammar from Cat. Sting comes down but gets jumped by Vampiro, who sprays him with a fire extinguisher. No match, which is probably best for everyone all around.

Vampiro uses Sting’s own moves on him before lighting the announcers’ table on fire. Sting gets the extinguisher and puts the fire out but misses the Stinger Splash against the barricade. Vampiro Rock Bottoms him through the table and promises that it’s going to be Sting’s flesh burning on Sunday. Just burn each other already so we can get done with this stupid feud.

Gene brings out Hollywood Hogan for a chat. After name dropping Hall to explain being back in black, he says he’s bored with the New Blood stuff. He rips on Kidman for being a flea market champion and calls Horace the bad apple in the barrel. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot at Bash at the Beach. But will he still be bored then? You know, because he’s bored now instead of angry and wanting to get revenge. Posing ensues.

Gauntlet Match

I know this isn’t going to go well but can we please at least have real pins? Is that too much to ask? If Nash interferes, he loses his title shot. As Steiner makes his entrance, Tony throws in two more matches for Sunday’s card with a Cruiserweight Title match and a #1 contenders match to the Tag Team Titles, just to show how important those titles really are. Before the match, Steiner promises to come after Bischoff when this is done. Bischoff comes out with the New Blood and sends Candido in first.

Chris does better than anyone did on Nitro, surviving a full thirty seconds before getting pinned by a belly to belly superplex. A regular belly to belly puts Stasiak away in another twenty seconds (counting time spent running to the ring). Palumbo comes in, picks up Midajah, and gets caught in the Recliner for the submission. Scott Steiner just beat both Tag Team Champions in one minute even. Cat takes a Recliner of his own but the rest of the New Blood comes in and the match is thrown out.

Nash leaves his locker room and runs into a guitar shot from Jarrett. Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott are in to help on the beatdown and Scott is put in a straitjacket. They try to put him in a bodybag but here’s Goldberg to clean house. Bischoff sends the cops in to arrest Goldberg to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This show had some moments but it’s really just a lot less bad than Monday’s show. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it good and I’m really not even sure what I’m supposed to be looking forward to on Sunday. Could they not do Goldberg vs. Abbott there and just have Steiner vs. Steiner for the US Title in that mini cage? Bad show here, but there was some good action at times. Oh and Chavo being Cruiserweight Champion is a nice change of pace and he would make the most of it in the coming months.

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Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

We had to get here eventually. This is one of the lamest sounding shows I’ve seen in a very long time and it’s not something I want to sit through again. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid for the World Title, but the real big match is Hogan vs. Flair, because we only did that last year at this same show so it’s high time to do it again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the triple main event of Hogan vs. Flair, Sid vs. Jarrett and Luger vs. Sting. Two of those men are under 40 and that number would go down to one in about two and a half months.

Hogan and Sid have a chat in the back where they say to watch each other’s back.

Jarrett tells the Harris Twins that he has an insurance policy.

A limo is here.

The opening pyro doesn’t get much of a reaction from the people. There’s a shot of the crowd and they look like they’re about to watch an instructional film on how to properly wash their hands.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psychosis

Artist is defending after Psychosis beat Kaz Hayashi to earn this shot on Thunder. Their video to set this up shows Hayashi pinning Psychosis a few weeks back, but somehow that didn’t earn him a title shot. The announcers talk about the Artist dominating the division for the last few months, despite him not even having the belt for a month yet. To be fair, I doubt anyone remembers the last few months of the cruiserweights at this point. Paisley and Juventud Guerrera are the seconds here.

Before we can get going, we get more music and it’s….the debuting Chris Candido to do commentary. After a minute of no contact so Candido can come out, the Artist (and his slimming purple vertical striped shirt) charges into the corner, allowing Psychosis to hurricanrana the champ down. Artist ties him in the Tree of Woe for some lame kicks to the ribs before a superkick gets two. The ring mic seems a bit low tonight as there isn’t a ton of sound when people hit the mat.

Psychosis is sent into the steps before Artist nails a running clothesline in the corner. Instead of a chinlock, Artist pulls on Psychosis’ hair with a knee in his back. That’s rather effective. A clothesline (to the middle of the chest) doesn’t have much effect on Psychosis so he comes back with a top rope hurricanrana for two.

Psychosis plants him with a sitout gordbuster (hopefully knocking some skills into Artist’s head) and Juvy goes after an interfering Paisley, who beats him up and takes off his shirt. There’s the guillotine legdrop but Psychosis pulls away at two to yell at Paisley. Or maybe he’s asking where she got her catsuit. Artist’s middle rope DDT (with Psychosis jumping into it) retains the title.

Rating: D. I feel like I have to say this every single time he’s out there, but Artist just isn’t very good. He’s such a generic wrestler and his finisher, while cool in theory, is almost never executed properly as the other guy has to jump up to give their head to Iaukea. Bad choice for an opener here as this did nothing to fire me up for the rest of the show.

Tony throws it to Gene. “That’s how you fill some time.” Just……yeah.

Bam Bam Bigelow regrets bringing the Wall into this business because he’s going about it all wrong. Tonight, he’s finishing the Wall and showing him how to do it right. Again, this is one of the better done stories in WCW at this point.

XS vs. Norman Smiley/The Demon

Somehow this ties into Miss Hancock as she comes down to do commentary before Norman and Demon make their entrances. I’m still not sure what the story is here other than XS being jerks and messing with Demon and Hancock being annoyed at XS for dumping her. Hancock thinks XS stands for extra small.

Demon’s casket appears and Norman comes out in full Demon garb. Demon throws Rave (is that his name this week?) around to start but gets knocked outside, leaving Norman to take over in the ring. Lane takes the spanking dance (not the Big Wiggle. You don’t come back from that) and things settle down again. Hancock says she has a new tag team in Los Fabulosos: Silver King and El Dandy. Tony: “If there was ever a time to be El Dandy, it’s right now.” Demon gets double teamed as the fans LOUDLY chant for Norman. That says a lot given how small the crowd is in such a big building.

XS tries a double clothesline on Demon, but it winds up putting Rave and Demon down as Lane stays on his feet….and falls down a few seconds later. Do these people just not get physics? The hot tag brings in Norman to clean house with right hands and the swinging slam to Lane. A school boy gets two on Norman and everything breaks down as the announcers start spouting off KISS lyrics. Demon and Lane go outside, leaving Norman to put Rave in the Norman’s Conquest for the win. That was sudden.

Rating: D. Other than Miss Hancock, I have no idea what the appeal was supposed to be here. This was a lame Nitro level match with Norman being OH SO FUNNY as the Demon, even though he wrestled like he always does. Tragically for him though, the fans seem to love him so he’s dead where he stands. This didn’t need to be on pay per view but at least it killed a few minutes.

Post match XS blames Hancock for the loss and tries to kidnap her but the Screamin Demons make the save. Hancock dances with Norman. Now that deserves to be on pay per view.

Kidman and Booker argue again.

Quick recap of Wall destroying everything in his path over the last few weeks, which has mainly been David Flair and Crowbar.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

They slug it out to start with Bigelow getting the better of it until he charges into a clothesline. Bigelow slams Wall down and hits the top rope headbutt for two. A pair of boots to the face gets the same thing on Bigelow but he grabs a running DDT for his second two. Wall comes back with a Cactus Clothesline and they fight to the back where Wall chokeslams Bigelow through a table for the DQ.

Rating: D. Well that happened. This was looking like a decent brawl until the lame ending in less than three and a half minutes. The story makes sense here and it’s good to see Wall get the better of it (this is one of those cases where leaving Bigelow laying is better than getting a win) but I don’t see this getting him anywhere because WCW.

Post match David Flair and Crowbar go after Wall with Crowbar getting in some good shots. Bigelow is loaded onto a stretcher, likely due to shock of how lame the table spot was. Crowbar and Wall wind up on the metal set and, of course, Crowbar gets chokeslammed through the wooden part of the set. Wall has a euphoric look on his face, which is totally and completely different than Bubba Ray Dudley’s euphoric look when he puts people through tables. Fans: “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!”

Crowbar is taken out on a stretcher and this takes forever. The announcers get serious, so let’s go to Brian Knobbs, who dedicates his next match to David Flair and Crowbar. David wasn’t really hurt but let’s dedicate it to him anyway.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

3 Count is defending as a unit and this is elimination rules. Before the match, it’s time for some singing and dancing, which is more entertaining than the previous match but Knobbs interrupts. Tony actually asks how they can call this match when they aren’t sure if Crowbar is ever going to walk again and think they should stop the show. OH SCREW OFF. This comes off as trying to play off of Owen Hart’s death and Vince not stopping the show. As in a real life death being compared to a scripted bump. If that’s what they were doing, then WCW deserves to go under on this night instead of a year later.

Anyway, Knobbs brings some weapons down and shrugs off 3 Count using them against him. Shannon gets a Pit Stop but Shane (in a mask to protect his broken nose) blasts Brian in the face with a chair. They whip him into a ladder and all three dive off the top of it with splashes/a Swanton. The champs stop for some dancing but eat a big blast from a fire extinguisher, followed by a chair to Shane’s broken nose for the first elimination.

Knobbs spends a minute setting up a table before powerbombing Evan through it to get this down to one on one. Helms is back up despite being eliminated but Knobbs easily beats him down as well. Brian falls over a table with Shannon on top for three but Knobbs is in the ropes, which apparently saves you in a hardcore match. So falls count anywhere, as long as you’re not in the ropes? I felt stupid just typing something like that. Knobbs beats up Evan and Shane again before a middle rope trashcan shot to Shannon gives him the title back. Tenay: “Respectability just came back to the hardcore division!”

Rating: D-. A foot on the ropes in a hardcore match. Not only does WCW not get why the WWF’s hardcore division worked, but they also don’t get what hardcore is supposed to be about. 3 Count as champions had potential but why go with something interesting when you can go with one of Hogan’s friends?

Harlem Heat is ready.

The limo is still sitting there.

Vampiro says he’s ashamed by the things he sees and the violent things he thinks about doing. He wants to be a good person but Fit Finlay keeps pushing him to do very bad things. Tony: “You could subtitle Uncensored very bad things.”

Kidman/Booker vs. Harlem Heat

J. Biggs sits in on commentary because we haven’t had a guest commentator in a few matches now. Booker slugs away at Stevie to start as you can see five very empty seats about ten rows off the floor. You would think they would send someone out there to hide how bad that looks. Kidman comes in and loses the team’s advantage, allowing for the tag off to Big T. It’s back to Booker to clean about half the house but Harlem Heat double teams Kidman down again.

Torrie gets on the apron for no apparent reason and Biggs calls her a yak. Kidman gets thrown outside where Big T. can dive over the barricade to take him down again, causing a small earthquake in the process. Booker breaks up a cover and Biggs keeps jabbering away, only to finally shut up when Kidman DDT’s Stevie for a breather. The hot tag brings in Booker to clean the rest of the house.

The Rock Bottom gets two on T. and a second one drops Ray. Stevie isn’t the legal man though so it’s a double side slam instead, with Kidman making a fast save. Tony: “TEAMWORK!” Kidman shoves Stevie into Cash and comes in for a sunset flip on T. with Booker kicking him over to give Kidman the pin.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here and the right team won, but I don’t buy for a second that they’re going to be used properly, at least not with the Harris Twins around to suck the life out of anything that’s going on in the tag division. Kidman and Booker work well together and we got to see Torrie so this is pretty easily the best thing of the night so far.

We look at Crowbar being chokeslammed through the stage again.

Recap of Finlay vs. Vampiro, which has really just been Finlay attacking him backstage. This comes after Vampiro was getting some cups of coffee in the main event. Now he’s here.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Oh and let’s make it falls count anywhere because Heaven forbid we have more than one or two wrestling matches tonight. Finlay puts him down to start and we’re on a nerve hold thirty seconds in. Vampiro fights up and nails a top rope spinwheel kick before slowly stomping away. That’s fine with Finlay who gets a chair, but Little Naitch takes it away because this is falls count anywhere and not a No DQ match.

Instead they head outside with Finlay dropping him throat first across the barricade, meaning it’s time to fight into the crowd. It gets all the way to the concourse as they do the “grab hair and walk with me” formula. They hit the women’s room as I’m still trying to figure out why these two are even fighting like this. It goes to the men’s room for the sake of taste and Vampiro climbs onto a stall but dives into a trashcan shot. They leave again and the lights turn red before both guys head outside. Never mind as they head back inside where Vampiro sends him into a wall and The Nail in the Coffin on the concrete ends Finlay.

Rating: D. BUT WHY WERE THEY FIGHTING??? I’ve been watching the TV shows lately and I still have no idea why these two are even mad at each other. I know they’ve had issues in the back but what started it all? Vampiro is stuck back down on the card instead of doing something important because he was on the verge of mattering and WCW will not stand for that.

Vampiro walks through the crowd. Roman Reigns he is not.

The Mamalukes are ready for their title defense.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Brothers vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes (Big Vito/Johnny the Bull) are defending against Ron and Don. We’ll make it No DQ just so things don’t stay boring. Disco jumps in on commentary too so we can keep up the trend. Vito hammers on Don to start and the Twins take a breather on the floor. Back in and Johnny powerslams Don for two before it’s right back to Vito.

Don doesn’t know how to sell a double elbow to the jaw (hint: FALL DOWN!) and instead hits Vito low to take over. The champs take over on the now legal Ron (does it matter if he’s legal in a No DQ match?) and hit something like the H Bomb for two. Don can’t even hit Johnny from the apron properly (it looked like he was messing with his hair) but it’s enough for Ron to take over for the first time.

Don side slams Johnny for two but the Bull is able to make the tag so Vito can fire off his good looking kicks. A top rope elbow gets two on Ron and a Hart Attack gets the same. Back in and the H Bomb gets two on Vito with Johnny making the save. Disco sneaks in with a belt shot to Ron for two but Don lays everyone out with the belt and the H Bomb to Vito gives the Twins the titles. Lucky us.

Rating: D. So the boring team just beat the ok team to win the titles. Like I said, lucky us. It was a watchable match but there was no need for this to be No DQ. The Twins are one of the least interesting teams that I’ve seen in a long time and I have no idea who decided they should be in the main event scene.

Finlay admits that the better man won tonight and wants Vampiro to keep that fire burning.

Ric Flair praises Lex Luger again because that’s all he knows how to do anymore.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk, which is over how tough Dustin is compared to his daddy and then something about beating him over the head with a chicken.

Dustin says tonight is Funk’s retirement match and he’ll admit that Dustin is the American Nightmare.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Bullrope match, which is TOTALLY different than the strap match later. Terry comes out with the chicken as this feud built around someone who doesn’t even work for the company continues. Funk says he has Dustin’s baby brother here and it’s a guy in a chicken suit. Even Tony seems to find this stupid. Dustin chases the chicken and walks into a left hand from the chicken in Terry’s hand.

They’re not attached yet so Terry whips him with the rope. A cowbell to the head gets two for Terry but Dustin hits him low to take over. They’re still not tied together so Dustin just hits Terry in the head over and over with the bell. They finally tie it up and Dustin gets two off a DDT. A bulldog onto the cowbell gets two for Dustin and here’s the guy in the chicken suit again. Dustin quickly lays him out for the sake of good taste but Terry crotches him on the top rope to slow Rhodes down.

There’s a low blow with the cowbell (Madden: “That’ll hurt your ding a ling.”) Funk grabs the mic and says he’s making this an I Quit match. The referee says no and gets a cowbell to the head. Dustin takes a bunch of cowbells to the head and Dustin quits. However, that doesn’t count because this is pinfall or submission only and quitting doesn’t count. I mean just……no wait, I don’t know what I mean because THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Anyway, Terry argues with the referee, allowing Dustin to hit Terry in the head with a cowbell before a piledriver onto the bell is enough to give Rhodes the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night just end this show already. I have no idea why I was supposed to care about this but I guess these families feuded like twenty years ago and since Terry Funk doesn’t know how to retire, the thing is still going. This wasn’t interesting and was all about the whole TEXAS IS AWESOME theme, which is really annoying if you’re not from Texas.

They keep fighting post match until they just stop.

Sid is ready for Jarrett.

Recap of Sting vs. Luger, which is over Luger breaking everyone’s arm, starting with Sting.

Total Package vs. Sting

This is a lumberjack match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken surrounding the ring, plus anyone Luger could find who was willing to wear a cast as well. Tony: “Mark Madden is not wearing pants.” It took you an hour and forty five minutes to notice that???Before the match, Luger tries to calm the situation down by apologizing to everyone whose arm has been broken recently.

Luger jumps Sting before he can get the trench coat (it’s not a cape Tony) off. Sting slugs him out to the floor but it’s right in front of the heel lumberjacks. Back in and Sting goes into his greatest hits catalog but the big jumping elbow ACTUALLY CONNECTS. Madden thinks Sting’s acting career is taking off to the point that he could be the next Alicia Silverstone. Luger is sent outside and the good guys, including Doug Dillinger, stomps him down. Madden: “CALL SECURITY!”

Back in and Luger sends Sting to the heel side for the same treatment. Cue Tank Abbott to punch out Dillinger, causing the lumberjacks to finally give up and brawl to the back. Luger slaps on a chinlock as only Vampiro is left at ringside. This brings out Flair to fight Vampiro as Sting makes his comeback.

Flair comes in to rake Sting’s eyes but gets splashed in the corner. Liz sneaks in with a ball bat shot to Sting’s shoulder but Jimmy Hart runs in to take Liz away. Sting kicks out at two, with the referee having to pause a bit because Sting wasn’t kicking out in time. There’s the Torture Rack but Vampiro hits Luger in the back with the bat, setting up the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: F. How in the world are these two considered legends if this is as good as they can do? This was a HUGE mess with way too much interference and Sting looks like a loser who needed a save to make the win, even though it’s been treated like a huge victory for Sting. For some reason though, Luger is going to keep getting pushed and Flair is going to continue to be his lackey because WCW.

Vampiro and Sting hug post match. This could be a big rub for Vampiro.

Tank Abbott is asked why he hit Doug Dillinger. Tank: “Because he’s in the computer.”

We recap Jarrett vs. Sid, which is all about Jarrett hitting Sid with a lot of guitars.

The limo is opened as we’re told that the last two matches have been swapped.

Sid is surprised that he’s up next and runs off to fight. This was a totally unnecessary ten second segment.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Sid is defending. Before the match, Jeff says the girls will strip if he wins the title. Sid clotheslines him down to start and hits ten horrible right hands in the corner. Another clothesline puts Jeff on the floor and it’s already time to brawl. They head into the crowd and then up by the entrance with Sid in full control. Cue the Harris Twins to beat Sid down and give Jeff control.

Back in and Jarrett slugs away, earning himself a warning for clinched fists. The sleeper has Sid in trouble but he fights out and punches Jarrett out of the air. A big boot puts Jeff down but one of the Twins offers a distraction. The other Twin gets on the apron with the belt, only to have Jeff go face first into the gold for two. Another distraction lets Jeff get in a guitar shot as crooked referee Slick Johnson comes in to count. Hogan makes the save at two and cleans house to give Sid the easy pin to retain. Much like Sting, some hero.

Rating: D-. I guess this was their way of trying to keep the fans awake during the most boring title match in recorded history but it really didn’t do the trick. Instead this was messy and a borderline disaster, only saved by the fact that this was less than eight minutes long. Thankfully that’s it for Sid vs. Jeff but unfortunately it’s about a month too late.

Hogan and Sid get beaten down so here’s Flair to start the main event in a hurry.

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

This is a Yappapi strap match, which means strap match plus all the racist overtones you can find. It’s the four corners variety to make sure no one has to actually do a job (and by no one of course I mean Flair because Hogan isn’t losing to Flair as a face). Flair beats on him for a bit before they get tied up and it’s to the outside where Hogan takes over. Back in and Hulk chokes a bit as we hear about Flair still being upset over Bash at the Beach 1994. Flair chokes a lot but Hogan kicks him low.

The chops have no effect (Flair: “OH GOD I’M SORRY!”) and Hogan chokes even more. Now it’s time for punching and biting in the corner before Flair rakes the eyes. Using his new found advantage, Flair goes up top and gets slammed down. Jimmy Hart gets in some strap shots of his own and Ric is busted open.

They fight up to the ramp and here’s Luger to blast Hogan with a chair. Now Hulk is busted open too and a low blow stops his latest comeback attempt. Back in and Flair punches and chokes until Jimmy’s latest rescue attempt fails. The camera pans over and, I kid you not, the bottom section of chairs, as in the first probably twenty rows, is about 75% empty. Even TNA doesn’t have that kind of issues today.

Flair busts out the brass knuckles to knock Hogan out for two. Not two buckles or anything, but a two count, because even the wrestlers and referee don’t get the rules. Hulk makes his comeback, touches three buckles, beats up Luger again (with a boot to the hand), drops a leg on Flair for a pin, and touches the fourth corner after the bell to make it clear that he wins.

Rating: F. In the year 2000, the wrestlers and referees couldn’t figure out the rules, there was a ton of interference and Hogan somehow beat Flair twice in the same one fall match. This main evented a pay per view just two weeks before Wrestlemania. Horrible main event and a perfect ending to such an awful pay per view.

Overall Rating: F-. This was one of the worst shows I can remember and that’s what I fully expected coming in. I don’t think this one requires a long winded explanation, but here’s one of the major issues: this show runs 2:34 with 11 matches. Only two matches break nine minutes. How can WCW look at this and actually think this is the best they can do? I know the reboot is coming soon and after this, there’s almost no way they could keep going in this direction.

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Thunder
Date: March 8, 2000
Location: Lawrence Joel Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 5,109
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Can we please get to Uncensored already? I can’t take much more of Jarrett vs. Sid. It’s not that the match will be bad (even though it will be) but much more than it’s such an uninteresting feud. Jarrett is the US Champion when it could be used on almost anyone else who could use the belt, but instead he’s fighting for the World Title because someone saw a good run from him in the WWF and doesn’t get the idea of “this guy is a career midcarder”. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Jeff Jarrett running through WCW. Why must they torment me so?

Opening sequence.

The ramp is off to the side instead of straight down the aisle this time.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Psychosis

Prince is defending. Juvy does his Rock stuff and joins commentary, but here’s Rey Mysterio of all people to do the same. Psychosis gets in a few shots from behind to start (isn’t Prince the heel here?) and dropkicks the champ into the corner. Iaukea bails to the floor but Psychosis lands a big dive, followed by some cheap shots from Juvy. You would think Rey would intervene here but I doubt he cares about Iaukea either.

Back in and Prince’s shots to the face have little effect so Psychosis dropkicks him again. The champ pulls the referee into Psychosis, leaving no one to count Prince’s shoulders down on a rollup. Due to his love of law and order, Juvy comes in and counts the pin but amazingly enough that doesn’t count and Prince loses by DQ. Too short to rate but Psychosis was trying to make the most of his time.

The announcers run down the card.

Bam Bam Bigelow apologizes to David Flair/Crowbar/Daffney (the guys are in neck braces) for what Wall did to them recently. There’s a story of Wall being an out of control monster, but you know they’ll screw it up in the end.

Lex Luger tells Ric Flair that Arn Anderson needs to be gone because he’s worthless. Flair says he’ll bring Anderson to Luger tonight.

The Demon vs. Idol

Demon’s casket takes forever to open. Even the production crew doesn’t want to see him. Demon kicks away to start and gets his foot caught in the corner on a boot. Just….dang man. Cue Miss Hancock but Lane won’t let her get on the announcers’ table. Idol comes back with a suplex and powerslam for two, followed by a DDT when Demon ducks his head. Hancock gets on the apron and kisses Idol, allowing Demon to hit a quick cobra clutch slam for the pin. How much longer is he going to be around?

Lane and Idol beat Demon down until Norman Smiley comes out for a failed save attempt.

Curt Hennig can’t wrestle tonight but he’s coming for Luger on Nitro because Luger is a lame bodybuilder.

Jarrett and the Harris Twins plan for later.

Here’s Bam Bam Bigelow who says he’s a laid back guy (huh?) but lately there have been some things going on that he can’t tolerate. He asks David Flair and Crowbar to come out here, even though they can barely walk. Both guys come out and have a seat in the ring so Bigelow can recap their recent attacks by Wall. Ok so he calls the chokeslam a bodyslam but close enough. Kind of.

This is all Bigelow’s fault because he broke the Wall into wrestling. Bigelow thought Wall was a friend, to the point that he made Wall the godfather of his youngest daughter. He apologizes but here’s Wall to interrupt. They say some things we can’t hear and Wall decks him before kicking down the guys with bad necks. It’s table time and Bigelow is thrown (called a chokeslam) through the wood, leaving Wall to beat up David and Crowbar a bit more. Crowbar gets chokeslammed and David gets shoved off the apron and onto Bigelow. Wall walks away with the carnage behind him.

I liked this way more than I should have as it’s a basic story but they’re using the veterans to build up some young guys. David and Crowbar get sympathy while Wall looks like an out of control monster. It puts the focus on the young guys and Bigelow looks like Dr. Frankenstein for introducing this horror to the world. Nice job.

Hogan has a bunch of straps for Flair. Does this require a joke? I didn’t think so either.

The Maestro vs. The Cat

This is the result of Maestro calling Cat out. As you might expect, Cat is a bit faster than Maestro and fires off kicks in the corner, only to miss an elbow drop. That’s enough wrestling as Cat goes for Maestro’s boom box, kicks him low and bashes him in the head with the box for the pin. How inept are WCW referees? I mean…..dang man.

Maestro is thrown to the floor and seems to blame Symphony.

Vampiro is annoyed. Again? Doesn’t he do anything but whine?

After a break, Vampiro is ready for Jarrett and the US Title tonight.

Lash Leroux says he’ll be seeing great things soon. Dustin Rhodes lays Lash out and punches him to ringside so let’s have a match.

Lash Leroux vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin punches, Lash punches, low blow, Dustin bulldogs him for the pin in barely a minute.

Post match here’s Terry Funk and he’s got the freaking chicken. I never thought I’d have to say this, but they trade shots with the chicken and fight into the crowd. Somehow, these two would still be at least somewhat active almost fifteen years after this.

Here are Luger and Flair with something to say. After telling a fat boy to sit down (that never gets old), Ric says he needs to apologize to Luger and asks Arn Anderson to come down here, apologize for making Flair look bad and serve Team Package. Arn does come out and Luger actually gives him the Horsemen sign. I keep forgetting he was part of the team at one point so it’s not heresy.

Anderson says he’s been subservient to Ric for so long that he’s forgotten how to stand up for himself. Flair tells him to go shake Lex’s hand but Arn brings up David’s 21^st birthday on Monday. Over the years, he and Ric haven’t been good fathers or husbands due to their schedules but there’s still a chance for Ric to be good to David. Ric’s career is going to be ending soon (again, Flair is still occasionally active at least twelve years after this show. That’s kind of amazing and sad at the same time) and it’s time for him to be a good father to David.

Arn is out here because David can’t be and asks why Luger is always out for himself. Like, why is this Team Package and not Team Flair? Ric says he’s done being a father and is ready for the team to ride again, if Anderson is willing to be Double A again. Anderson comes back by saying he’s got a fight or two left in them, but the real Double A would walk over Luger to get to the good fight. That’s such an awesome line and I have a feeling Luger has no idea what Anderson meant. Lex calls this all gibberish and tells Flair that he already has two strikes. If Flair lets him lose to Hennig on Monday, Ric is out.

As usual, when they let Luger stay in the background and not say much, Anderson and Flair can talk as well as any pair that I can think of. There’s a natural chemistry there that works so well and you can’t teach it. However, I’m hoping this leads somewhere with David, because otherwise it’s being wasted on Flair and Luger, who don’t need a story and Arn who is retired. Great segment, but I’m not sure I like where it’s leading.

Vampiro beats Finlay up in the back. This is a weird story as Vampiro is feuding with Jeff Jarrett in the main event scene and has this mini-side feud with Finlay.

Luger and Liz leave.

Meng vs. Fit Finlay

They slug it out and here’s Tank Abbott about thirty seconds in for the DQ.

Security breaks it up in a few seconds, making this totally worthless.

The Mamalukes are ready for their four corner elimination match tonight. Wait that’s just thrown on a Thunder? Well of course it is.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers vs. Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Booker T.

Mamalukes are defending, anyone can tag anyone, one elimination per team. I guess the Twins made bail. The champs and the Twins brawl to start and we get the bell before the other teams get here. Harlem Heat slowly comes out to join in with Booker coming out alone a few seconds later. Everyone hits everyone and Vito clotheslines Booker to break up a Spinarooni. What an uncultured swine.

Kidman and Torrie make their own entrance and all eight guys are in the ring at once so there’s almost no way to call this. We finally settle down to Stevie kneeing Booker in the chest until Booker kicks both of them in the ribs and pins Big T. off a side Russian legsweep of all things. Booker T. was the cure to the Armstrong Curse all along? Booker tags in Kidman to face Johnny and we take a break.

Back with with Kidman and Booker eliminated after Booker accidentally kicked Kidman in a reversal of Monday’s mistake. So it’s the Tag Team Title match at the pay per view on Thunder because WCW is stupid enough to not think this stuff through. Vito drops a top rope elbow for two on Don but Ron cleans house for the save. The H Bomb gets two more on Johnny with Disco coming in with a title belt for the cheap shot, allowing Johnny to get the retaining pin.

Rating: D+. So let’s recap: a Russian legsweep, a misfire that aired during a commercial and a pin off a belt shot from a manager, with the final two teams being the title match at the pay per view. How in the world did anyone think this was a good idea? Why not do a three way tag without the champs in there and then do a post match brawl? You get the challengers looking strong and don’t have the champions pin them. That felt so strange to type out because it’s such a stupid idea in the first place. The match was too full of action to be coherent but at least it wasn’t dull.

Disco takes an H Bomb post match but Vito clears the ring.

Stevie Ray says that was a two count and wants to fight Kidman and Booker on Nitro.

Diamond Dallas Page was on the Late Late Show. When is he going to be on the Bad Wrestling Show?

Long Sid vs. Jarrett video.

The Dog slobbers as Brian Knobbs talks about being hardcore. Yes, his entire character is that he’s basically a humanoid dog.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Vampiro

Jarrett is defending but first he asks if the girls want to flash Vampiro to distract him. He even asks the fans but then says no chance because the girls are going to the back where they belong. Vampiro starts fast and clotheslines Jarrett outside for some rams into the announcers’ table. Cue the Harris Twins to get in some cheap shots, allowing Jarrett to take over with a clothesline. So not only is Jarrett boring but he has boring help.

Jeff kicks him back outside so the Twins can get in some more shots, only to have the Mamalukes out to even things up. Vampiro and the Mamalukes sounds like a pretty sweet detective agency comedy. Back in and Vampiro plants Jarrett with a Rock Bottom but the referee is yelling at the tag teams.

Jarrett’s chair is taken away so he has to settle for two off a DDT. Nick Patrick gets bumped because WCW doesn’t know how to do anything else. Vampiro catapults Jeff into the corner and nails him with the belt as another referee comes out, only to have Patrick pull him to the floor at two. As they argue, Jarrett Strokes Vampiro onto the title to retain.

Rating: D. They’re doing a decent job of making Vampiro look like something interesting but it doesn’t help that he’s constantly jobbing every time he’s in there. Would it hurt to let him beat a Harris Brother? Or to beat someone not in the NWO so that he can actually get a win? Jarrett and the twins continue to suck the life out of anything they’re associated with and it’s already old.

Vampiro takes an H Bomb and gets spray painted to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. It says a lot that the second best segment of the show was Bam Bam Bigelow talking to the Wall. The wrestling was really lacking to barely there and somehow that might be the best option here. WCW’s wrestling really isn’t worth watching most of the time due to the people in there and how little time they have but their talking is usually good. Anderson and Flair continue to be masters, but they need to do something with someone young, because the former Horsemen don’t need a rub.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #229
Date: February 28, 2000
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,638
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

The big story coming out of Thunder is that the old guys are actually starting to mix it up with the younger guys in the form of Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk and Vampiro vs. Ric Flair. I fully expect WCW to screw this up as only they can, but it’s nice to dream for a little while. I’m sure Luger and Hogan will be here tonight to explain how things really work in wrestling. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the last week, with Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon (yes of Batman) and Luger/Flair taking over the shows by beating up Hogan and anyone else who get in their way.

Sid arrived earlier today. Yes, he actually CAME TO WORK. Tonight he defends against Tank Abbott. Oh how this company continues to fail. Can’t we get some Greg Valentine title shots again?

Jarrett doesn’t care if Abbott wins because he has a guaranteed title shot. At least they’re wearing NWO gear now and Jeff has his US Title. They must be listening to me.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. 2XS

The Italians are defending and the challengers tell Miss Hancock to stay in the back because she’s messing up their rat chasing. Lane and Idol start things fast but here’s Hancock for commentary as the champions take over. A kick to the head and neckbreaker drop Lane. Disco: “Why are you being so nice to her?” Madden: “SHUT UP DISCO!!!” The camera is smart enough to stay on Hancock instead of the match which sees both guys on the mat.

Idol comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Hancock gets on the table to dance (and keeps having to pull her skirt, if you can even call it that, down). Everyone but Vito (down) is distracted, allowing Vito to get up and plant Idol with the DDT for the pin. Tony: “Finally something happens in the match.” The match was short and we missed way too much of it looking at Hancock, making this one of the more entertaining matches in a long time.

Vito wants more dancing and Hancock is happy to oblige, only to have the Harris Twins come in to clean house. Thankfully it doesn’t seem that Hancock is with the Twins. They want a title shot.

We run down the card.

The KidCam sees Bagwell hitting on Liz. This is totally and completely different than GTV. This was also taped earlier as Luger, Liz and Flair are watching. Ric wants to take Bagwell out for this.

Bigelow picks Sid to beat Abbott tonight.

The Nitro Girls are at Ohio State as we’re getting ready for Spring Breakout.

Hogan, with his weightlifting belt back, wants a Yappapai strap match with Flair at Uncensored. You can hear the fans boo when he calls himself the greatest of all time.

Here are Flair (with another weightlifting belt), Luger and Liz with something to say. Flair yells about Hogan like the good old days when he was a psycho. Luger calls Sting a no-show (true actually) and says tonight the Stuff gets snuffed. Lex keeps going by ripping down Minnesota so here’s Curt Hennig of all people to challenge Flair to a match tonight. I haven’t heard Hennig this fired up in years. Flair says it’s on and Hennig promises to streak down the streets of Minneapolis if he loses.

Booker blames the tag team loss on Thunder on Kidman being on the floor with Torrie.

Torrie and Kidman want the KidCam back.

Nitro Girls.

Madden talks while Tony is on the phone. The results of the call: Sting will be here tonight. They needed a call to confirm that?

Jarrett promises to win the title at Uncensored and doesn’t know who Vampiro is. For some reason he specifies that it’s Uncensored 2000, as opposed to Uncensored 45.

Booker vs. Kidman

Imagine that: taking two young, talented people and having them fight each other in a meaningless match instead of building them up. Booker elbows him down for two but gets caught in a victory roll for the same. The ax kick plants Booker but here come the Harris Twins for the DQ.

Both guys take H Bombs and Torrie gets knocked off the apron.

Gene calls Cassius the mystery man. I know he isn’t a dirty old man now but I’d prefer that over stupid. Harlem Heat thinks you should have someone watching your back.

Lash Leroux thinks Sid wins tonight.

Here’s a clip of a guy with 28 inch arms at the Arnold Classic. Good for him.

Norman Smiley is going to beat up Dustin Rhodes for Dustin hurting Terry Funk. Anything new for Norman is an upgrade.

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs is defending after Finlay beat 3 Count on Wednesday. Brian fights all three of them off using the cast and everyone uses weapons. There’s a Pit Stop for Shannon and Knobbs throws him out to the floor. Tony mentions that this is a Night of Champions. Thanks for telling us that nearly halfway through the show. Moore gets powerbombed through a table but a trashcan lid shot and a dog pile is enough to pin Knobbs and give us a triple champion.

Vampiro wants to show Jeff Jarrett some pain tonight.

Knobbs wants a rematch. Finlay thinks it’s time to make 3 Count’s lives miserable, starting with a six man tag on Thunder with a surprise partner. It’s time to bring out the dog. Oh dear.

Norman Smiley vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin comes out to an instrumental version of his old “Well they call him the natural” theme. Norman is wearing full football pads and puts on a bearhug of all things to start. A cross body puts Dustin down but for some reason doesn’t cause him any major pain. Some dancing sends Dustin to the floor before the swinging slam sets up the Big Wiggle. Dustin will have none of this fun and the beating is on. He drops Norman chest first onto the barricade, which should have no effect due to the pads but WCW in 2000 is stupid enough to defy science. Back in and a top rope clothesline is enough to give Dustin the pin.

Nick Patrick picks Tank Abbott. I’ll give them this: at least they’re trying to make this feel important.

US Title: Vampiro vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff is defending and has a bunch of women with him but quickly sends them to the back. Before we get to the match, we get a quick recap of Jeff guitaring everyone, which now cost him $10,000 apiece. They start fast with headlocks into headscissors but Vampiro starts firing off the kicks. That goes nowhere so they head outside with Jarrett dropping him on the barricade to take over.

Back inside and it’s Jarrett in control but Vampiro catches himself off a monkey flip. That earns him a clothesline as this has been almost all Jarrett so far. A quick Rock Bottom gets two for Vampiro and some small packages get the same, but here are the Twins for a distraction. Sid comes out to chase them off but the referee doesn’t see the cover off Vampiro’s Nail in the Coffin. Jarrett hits a quick belt shot for two (with the bell ringing anyway), avoids the guillotine legdrop, and hits a quick Stroke to retain.

Rating: D+. Notice the difference between this and Flair vs. Vampiro on Thunder: here Vampiro got in almost nothing until a bunch of interference screwed Jarrett up. On top of that, Jarrett pinned him clean. That’s not a good way to make Vampiro look good, but this was about setting up Sid vs. Jarrett instead of doing anything for anyone else.

The Mamalukes pay a guy to give the Harris Twins a package.

Ricki Rachman, an annoying tattooed guy who does promotional stuff, talks to Disco Inferno about 3 Count while sitting at a restaurant at Ohio State. Seriously.

Fit Finlay attacked Vampiro during the break. Why you ask? Not answered, just like when he did it on Wednesday.

David Flair dances with the Nitro Girls but Daffney catches him. I’d make a “well maybe he didn’t think she was watching like everyone else” but it was too easy. Everything is cool after a few seconds.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. David Flair

David is challenging and Crowbar is on commentary. Prince licks his own finger and points at David so David points back at him. Crowbar does an actually funny Gordon Solie imitation, getting in every catchphrase he can. Prince takes him down with some right hands but Crowbar shoves him off the ropes. David covers for two but the girls get in a fight, allowing Prince to hit his middle rope DDT to retain.

Sid has been attacked and a guitar is seen nearby.

The NWO leaves but the guy from earlier delivers the package to the Twins. It’s a dead fish. Eh I’ve seen worse.

Sid has been banned from strenuous physical activity. Well Sid hasn’t been strenuous in the ring for years so that should be fine. Sid comes up and says he’s fighting tonight, even though he’s dizzy.

The Cat vs. The Maestro

Cat insults some fat fans before Maestro comes out. Symphony carries out a boom box with the music Stro has to listen to as part of the bet. The boom box plays what sounds like 3 Count, Maestro freaks out and hits Cat with the boom box and gets the pin.

Liz and Luger have lost the bat.

Kidman picks Tank Abbott.

Ric Flair vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig slugs away in the corner to start and nails a backdrop, followed by some chops in the corner. Flair gets slammed off the top as this has literally been all Hennig so far. We get a ref bump because wrestling has gotten too complicated around here. The PerfectPlex has Flair in trouble but Luger comes in for the save. A low blow gives Ric the pin.

Rating: D+. This is a hard pairing to screw up but they came close with less than four minutes, a ref bump and interference. Either give them more time and cut out stuff like Cat vs. Maestro or…..actually just cut that match and give this match the time. There’s no real reason to not be able to give more than one match seven minutes or so, but they’re cramming so much stuff in here and it’s screwing up the rest of the card.

Meng, who can suddenly speak English, can’t decide who wins the main event.

More stuff from Ohio State.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

Again. These two have fought more than maybe any other pair in Nitro history. So is Buff officially a face, even when he’s trying to steal someone’s woman? Some quick dropkicks have Luger in early trouble but they head outside with Luger choking away on the table. We hit a reverse chinlock back inside and Buff slaps the mat but the referee doesn’t care. How stupid does Bagwell have to be to not even blink when Bagwell taps the mat while in a submission? Bagwell gets his knees up to crotch Luger and makes his comeback, including a Vader Bomb for two. Buff goes after Liz but Flair comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. I’m sick of these two fighting, even when you set something up earlier in the night. The fact that it’s there to set up another Luger match because he’s still getting pushed for whatever reason doesn’t help either. Flair is the highlight of this team though and at least he’s willing to help build up some stars.

They load up the Pillmanizing but Sting returns for the save. Returns after being gone for a week that is.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Tank Abbott

Tank is challenging and comes in on a motorcycle. Sid is wobbly with glazed over eyes. I’m going to assume he’s fine. His taped up ribs seem a bit more serious. Tank grabs a front facelock and shouts GO TO SLEEP. That goes nowhere so Tank punches him in the ribs, amazingly showing some psychology. We hit a reverse chinlock before a bunch of body punches put Sid down again. Back up and Sid grabs a sleeper which he turns into the Crossface to make Tank tap.

Rating: D. Well, they tried some psychology but it wound up being a bunch of punching and chinlocks until Sid grabbed a hold to retain. This could have been far worse, but I could have gone for them sacrificing Tank to someone who needs the win instead of the World Champion. At least it was short and made sense though.

Overall Rating: D. The shows have had a bit more energy in recent weeks, but that might just be due to me giving up on fighting. It is however nice to see the younger guys at least being moved up the card, though unfortunately they haven’t actually won anything yet. This week was better, but they need to keep pushing forward and get away from these horrible main events already.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #228
Date: February 21, 2000
Location: Arco Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 9,408
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s the night after SuperBrawl and almost nothing has changed. That’s about as close to the truth as you can get here as no titles changed hands, unless you count a tournament final for a new champion. The big story continues to be Hogan/Sting vs. Flair/Luger as we’re back in the earliest days of this show, minus Randy Savage. Let’s get to it.

Quick recap, with clips instead of stills. Yeah even WCW knows no one was buying the replay.

The NWO, all three of them, arrive. Jarrett promises to get the title by the end of the night but doesn’t even have the US Title on him.

Gene tries to bring out Hulk Hogan to start but here’s Luger instead. Luger calls out anyone that cares about this business to match his physique and yells about the lack of respect. He keeps ranting about Hogan’s arm being broken so here’s Hulk with something to say. Hulk was tired about hearing Luger wanting a next time, so how about that next time being tonight? Oh and there’s a cage above the ring in case someone wanted a challenge, so the rematch is on.

The announcers run down the card for tonight. I can get this on a TV show, but the pay per view version still makes no sense.

Here’s the NWO as the announcers talk about James Brown. That’s still a sore subject guys. Jarrett is tired of being screwed but has a contract saying he’s guaranteed a rematch in case he didn’t leave SuperBrawl with the title. Jarrett says Nash signed that contract, which might be due to the concussion from the guitar shot last week. One last thing: the Harris Brothers are going to be going after anyone Jarrett picks tonight. Great. Another boring team running rampant all night. Can you really still call these guys the NWO when none of them wear NWO gear?

Sid arrives, sans bags or title.

Kidman can’t find his camera.

Madusa looks at the card for tonight and is annoyed that she isn’t on it. She rants about Oklahoma because we need a recap and breaks the board as she shouts about wanting a women’s division. Apparently this is all Oklahoma’s fault.

Kidman vs. Lash Leroux

They trade some flips to start as the announcers debate if Jarrett’s document is valid. It’s going to be one of those stories isn’t it? Speaking of one of those, it’s one of those nights as the Twins come in and destroy Kidman and Leroux. I’m so glad to see Kidman being rewarded for his awesome work recently.

Whoever has stolen the KidCam films Buff Bagwell hitting on Symphony and ripping on Maestro. She turns him down so he says this never happened.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

During the entrances, Tony shills the WCW Magazine, featuring a profile on NWO 2000, complete with Nash and Bret. Finlay blocks an early spinwheel kick and hits Vampiro with his cast. They head outside as Tony promises a ruling on the Jarrett situation next segment. I wait with bated breath. On top of that, the cage match will be last man standing. Heaven forbid Luger take two falls in two days.

Finlay hits him in the throat with a chair and of course the referee is fine with it. Back in and Finlay puts on a half crab of all things but he’s no Lance Storm, meaning Vampiro easily escapes and hits a top rope spinwheel kick, followed by Finlay missing a charge into the post to give Vampiro the rollup pin.

Rating: D. Why do we even have referees at this point? A cast shot and a chair to the throat aren’t enough to draw a DQ? Vampiro does seem like someone who is getting a push, which makes me wonder why he didn’t go over Kidman last night. At least he’s walking after that semi-botched reverse tornado DDT or whatever it was.

Maestro jumps Buff and we’ve got a match for later.

Madusa whispers something to La Parka. He says si.

Booker is upset that he’s lost so many things in his life but he wants Stevie Ray to know that it’s over.

Booker vs. Big Vito

Before the match, Disco has an offer for Booker: he can fight a handicap match for the Tag Team Titles. A right hand seems to be a yes and we’re on.

Tag Team Titles: Booker vs. Mamalukes

The team takes over on the outside until it’s Vito taking over inside, only to have Booker kick both of them down. The Spinarooni sets up the side kick but Disco crotches Booker on the top for the DQ. What in the world was the point of the handicap match if that’s how it was ending?

The Harris Twins come in and clean house.

Terry Funk, with Dustin Rhodes behind him, says you can’t keep him down when he has someone like Rhodes in his corner. Dustin is tougher than his dad and tonight they’ll take care of, who else, the Harris Twins. Rhodes says he would bet on the two of the and tonight the Twins bite the dust. Even if they do, it won’t be a disqualification.

Main event stills.

Sid is livid about something he saw.

Harlem Heat, with Big T. all in pink for reasons I’m not interested in, says that’s what happens to someone like Booker when they turn their back on everyone. Biggs says they have all the royalties now. The new member, formerly known as 4×4, is dubbed Cassius. This would be a better reveal if Madden hadn’t said the name in a throwaway line earlier.

Cruiserweight Title: La Parka vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea

The Artist is defending and Oklahoma is on commentary. I’m not even going to wait on this one: La Parka is Madusa. You know it, I know it, and thankfully they make no attempt to hide it. More importantly than that though, I really don’t want to know what Madusa agreed to in order to get that suit, or what La Parka looks like in Madusa’s gear, which he must be wearing at the moment.

Oklahoma gets in the ring and rips the mask off to shock no one. She slaps at Oklahoma because she’s forgotten she knows martial arts, but here’s the real La Parka to hit Oklahoma with a chair. That earns him a middle rope DDT from the pin from the Prince because somehow, that was still a match.

Flair rants about Hogan as Luger warms up.

Terry Funk/Dustin Rhodes vs. Harris Brothers

They’re a team now for reasons. Jarrett jumps in on commentary as the Twins take over to start. Ron slugs Funk down and gets two off an elbow drop as Dustin plays cheerleader. At least he’s not in the 99 Goldust attire at the time. A slam gets two more as I’m thinking having the Twins just run in and hurt people is better than sitting through them wrestle.

The Twins start switching as they’re wearing the same clothes and does it really matter? Well, it does if you’re fighting for the World Title but we won’t hear about that on TV anyway. Terry takes over on Don and puts on the toehold but a Jarrett distraction breaks it up. Sid comes out to chase Jeff away, but not before he knocks out a security guard. We follow the chase to the back and come back to Dustin coming in and turning on Funk. That’s enough of the match so we cut to Jarrett getting in the car. Back to Rhodes wearing Terry out with a chair and that’s the DQ.

Rating: D-. This is going to be the Harris Twins’ show and that wouldn’t fly even in Memphis. Rhodes vs. Funk is as close as we’re going to get to a young guy getting a rub right now so I guess I should be happy, but Dustin on his own is one of the least interesting characters in wrestling. You can see the bullrope match coming from here.

Dustin wears him out even more until the referees break it up.

Buff is ready for Maestro and basically blames the match on Symphony.

Dustin beats up Terry again and steals the ambulance.

Gene says Dustin is on the same route Jarrett is in. I know Gene is good but being able to tell where Jarrett went when he pulled out of a parking lot is impressive.

Sid comes out and says he’ll give Jeff the rematch at Uncensored. He treats this as far more serious than he should.

Kidman and Booker want to fight the Twins.

Ric thinks Dustin did the right thing and wants to send a message to Hogan.

Buff Bagwell vs. Maestro

Maestro, the angry one, gets beaten up to start and the fans seem to approve. Buff slugs him to the mat and runs outside to hit on Symphony, but Maestro knocks her over by mistake. Maestro doesn’t seem to mind as he hammers away, only to have Cat come out for a distraction, allowing Bagwell to hit the Blockbuster for the pin.

Miller isn’t done yet though as he comes to the ring and talks about the bet that Maestro set up. Due to Brown being there, Maestro has to listen to whatever music Miller picks, which is some loud rap music. Maestro goes nuts and beats up Billy Silverman until the music goes off, which calms him back down. I haven’t mentioned it yet but Maestro is the nephew of the original Gorgeous George and you can see the talent there. It really is hit and miss with different families.

Chae and Tygress dance in cages.

We see Hacksaw Jim Duggan as TV Champion on Saturday Night after pulling the title belt out of the trash. Anyone was allowed to challenge him, so Robert Gibson of all people came out and got beat. Steven Regal came out and asked for a shot after the match and Duggan accepted for next week with Regal’s career on the line. I’d be stunned if Saturday Night was ever mentioned on Nitro again.

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Wall jumps him from behind, which is becoming way too common these days. Bigelow is sent into the post and Wall starts on the arm of all things. They get inside with Wall kicking him in the face and stomping away on the mat. A middle rope legdrop misses though as the announcers actually talk about the match. The top rope headbutt gets two for Bam Bam and a belly to back gets the same. They’re playing up the idea that Wall won’t stay down. Another belly to back puts Wall down but he pops to his feet and chokeslams Wall off the top for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was the junk you would expect but they’re doing a good job of setting Wall up for someone to stop. Naturally I’m expecting some old guy to get the win and the whole thing to be a waste of time, but it’s always cool to see someone getting a push like this. Of course this is assuming you ignore Jim Duggan beating him at house shows around this time.

Hogan is behind a piece of cage and screaming for Luger.

Ric wants to fight Arn Anderson. Arn just sitting there staring at him is perfect, as you can imagine Arn doing that to Ric in a thousand bars over the years.

Hogan is ready for Luger and talks about exorcisms for some reason. He still tries to say he’s a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid, but regular Hulk cheats like Hollywood did so no one can tell the difference. Hogan is very glad Sting was there last night, but tonight it’s one on one.

Luger and Flair beat up Jimmy Hart and drag him to the ring for the main event.

Total Package vs. Hulk Hogan

Last man standing in a cage. Back from a break with Luger and Flair beating Hart up at ringside. Some friend Hogan is as he waits for the show to come back to run out for the save. Hulk cleans house with a chair until Ric gets in a low blow. Luger chairs him down and we’re still waiting on them to get inside the cage. They finally get in with Luger stomping away, because that has worked so well on Hogan over the years.

As I finish typing that, Hogan gets up and punches Luger down before ramming him into the buckle ten straight times. Such total devastation! Luger sends him into the cage to take over and the fans actually boo for a change. A bunch of elbows allow Luger to mock Hogan’s posing (oh geez, MOCKING HULK HOGAN???) before hitting the same suplex that triggered the Hulk Up last night.

This time it’s enough to set up the Rack but Luger drops him down and I think you know what’s coming. Flair comes back down (he left?) as Hogan hits the legdrop. The chops that have never worked on Hogan still don’t work and the beating is on. Luger gets in a chair shot to put Hogan down and a bunch of stomping (plus breaking Doug Dillinger’s arm) ends the show. No winner, or Sting for that matter.

Rating: D. Just like last night, this was lame stuff but at least Luger did his big move before the Hulk Up. I really don’t know why this feud needs to continue but I’m assuming we’re getting Hogan vs. Flair AGAIN at Uncensored. The last man standing rule was just a way to prevent Luger from losing while Flair got down there, which could have easily been avoided by having Flair run down during the Hulking Up, but why go simple when you can go complicated.

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t know if it was just the energy but I liked this show a bit better than the last few editions. It’s still a horrible show but at least they were moving around and keeping things from getting boring. That being said, the Jarrett/Harris tandem has hit their ceiling and now we’re going to get to wait until Uncensored to get to anything new. However, speaking of new, there is one thing I like: Booker and Kidman teaming together to fight the Harris Twins. It’s nothing great, but it’s a nice step up for Kidman and ANYTHING other than the Harlem Heat feud for Booker. I’ll take silver linings where I can get them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #227
Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.

The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.

We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.

Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.

Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.

Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.

The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.

Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.

Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.

3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.

Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count

Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.

Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.

Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.

3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.

Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.

Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.

Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller

33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.

Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?

Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.

Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.

Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka

You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.

Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.

Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.

The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.

Rhonda Singh vs. Mona

Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.

Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.

Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.

Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.

Total Package vs. Terry Funk

Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.

The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.

Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair

Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.

They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.

The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.

Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.

Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.

Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.

Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.

The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.

The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.

Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.

Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.

Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.

Booker vs. The Demon

Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110^th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.

Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.

Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.

Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.

Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.

Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.

A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.

Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.

Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.

Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.

Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #225
Date: January 31, 2000
Location: First Union Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,514
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay

We’re officially in the Madden era now, meaning things are clearly dying all around us. The big story here is that Sid is World Champion again after winning it back from Nash after having it stripped earlier in the night after an off air referee’s decision. Also, Ric Flair is back. Let’s get to it.

We get a quick clip of the Nash vs. Sid three day saga from last week.

Nash isn’t going to be here tonight but he’s named Jeff acting commissioner.

Here’s the NWO to get things going complete with their girls. Jeff repeats that Nash isn’t going to be here tonight but he’s in charge. Well done with already changing the power. Steiner rips on the women here in Wilkes-Barre and offers the Harris Brothers a spot on the team. Well you had to expect that would happen. It’s back to Jeff, who says he’s going to get the first shot at Sid at SuperBrawl. Tonight it’s Jeff/the Twins vs. Sid/two partners of his choosing. Jarrett is open to bribes and that’s it. They kept this short and got right to the point so well done.

Sid, Flair and Harlem Heat arrive in order.

Funk asks Arn to go get Flair but Anderson tells him to go find Flair himself.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Lash Leroux vs. Evan Karagias

Lash makes the mistake of going after 3 Count to start and walks into a powerslam from Evan. The band takes him to the floor and Evan hits a big dive to take them out again. Back in and Lash knocks him off the ropes and does the Bourbon Street Blues (the punches into the splits) but 3 Count makes another save. Evan’s full nelson doesn’t work but Lash comes back with a Diamond Cutter Russian legsweep (Whiplash 2000) for the pin. Really, really dull stuff here.

The NWO sends their bad catering to Sid.

Dustin Rhodes tells us not to try this at home. That’s not something you often hear in WCW.

David, Crowbar and Daffney are insane and Crowbar talks like Gordon Solie. Now this actually sounds insane instead of some of the other modern CRAZY wrestlers. The Mamalukes attack and the match starts fast.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. David Flair/Crowbar

They head outside to start with Vito being backdropped onto a bunch of snow. That’s about it for being outside as everyone comes inside with Crowbar carrying a shovel. I’m going out on a limb and guessing this is a street fight. Vito drives a trashcan lid into David’s crotch and the other two come inside.

Cue Ms. Hancock to watch from the aisle as Johnny slams Crowbar a few times. Crowbar fights back with a slingshot legdrop onto a chair onto Johnny’s face. It’s table time but Crowbar, being a bit off, puts the table on top of Johnny instead of the other way around. Disco breaks up a moonsault, allowing Vito to splash Crowbar through the table to retain.

Rating: D. Another ECW style brawl with too many moving parts to have any really stand out. I’m sure we’ll get one more pay per view matches out of these teams, even though they’ve pretty definitively eliminated any chance of the titles changing back. At least Crowbar and Flair are entertaining with how out there they’ve gotten.

Brian Knobbs has a bribe for Jarrett in exchange for putting Finlay in the ring against Luger later. Jeff promises they’ll be in there at the same time.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say but his music stops halfway down the aisle. This brings out J. Biggs who says that music is the property of Harlem Heat, meaning only Stevie Ray and Big T. can listen to it. Instead, Booker can use this song instead. A generic rock song plays and Biggs calls it a meaningless song for a meaningless man.

Now we get to the infamous part of this story: Biggs says that the T, as in of Booker T., is also Harlem Heat property, so Booker can’t use it anymore, or the flames on his attire either. So yes, somehow this feud is over Harlem Heat, which is apparently an entity instead of just a tag team, owning the rights to a letter of the alphabet. Harlem Heat leaves and Midnight shows up to go after Biggs, but Harlem Heat comes back out for the save. We’re officially in one of the dumbest stories WCW ever did and you know how much ground that covers.

3 Count beats up Norman Smiley.

Jarrett tells Finlay that he’ll be in the same ring as Luger, as he referees a match between the Total Package and Brian Knobbs.

Norman gets inside the Demon’s casket and the lid closes. Instead of fighting for the US Title, he’s inside a coffin to help him fight off a boy band.

Kidman vs. The Wall

Rematch of that Cell match they had a few weeks back. Kidman slugs away to start but gets kicked in the face. A backbreaker sets up some choking from the Wall, before he blocks a sunset flip with even more choking. Well no one ever accused him of being the most versatile guy in the world. Wall plants him with a clothesline but YOU CAN’T PUT KIDMAN ON THE TOP ROPE, as he kicks Wall away and hits a missile dropkick. His high cross body is countered into a powerslam though and Wall grabs him by the throat again. This brings out Vampiro to kick Wall in the back, giving Kidman a roll up win.

Rating: D+. That ends the run of match of the night for Kidman but given who he was in there with, it’s hard to argue against him being the hottest thing in the company at the moment. Kidman is trying really hard lately and was able to carry Wall to a passable match. That alone makes him into a more impressive performer than most.

Here’s Flair for his big return speech. He brags about being bigger than the Steelers, Eagles and Pirates and lists off some hockey players who aren’t as big a star as he is. Ten years ago there were some people who could run with him, but Space Mountain still has the longest line. A few weeks ago the Powers That Be asked him to be the commissioner, but he turned them down because he’s the greatest wrestler alive today. He came up here because the deal was right and now he needs to say something to Terry Funk.

Flair can’t believe that Funk has been implying that Flair would support him, because there’s a big difference between Ric Flair and Terry Funk. This brings out Funk, who is loudly booed. He calls Flair banana nosed and horse toothed but praises him for all those World Titles. However, Funk senses some jealousy in Ric’s voice. Maybe it comes from Mick Foley saying Flair isn’t in Funk’s league in his book? STOP PROMOTING OTHER COMPANY’S STUFF!

Anyway, Flair needs to grow up and help in the fight against the NWO, but then tells him to go be Governor of North Carolina and leave the fight to himself and Arn Anderson. Flair wants to fight, even though he’s head to toe in Armani. Funk comes in, punches him down, and puts on the spinning toe hold until security comes out for the save. So yeah, they’re fighting over who is a bigger legend and Flair seems to be a heel, even though the fans booed Funk. This is one of the top stories in the company at the moment.

Jarrett thinks Funk and Flair will be Sid’s partners.

Sting is in some movie.

Sid isn’t worried about the NWO.

Ms. Hancock wants to know why Lenny and Lodi haven’t been wearing their suits but they say they’re done. That’s not cool with Hancock, who reminds them of the West Hollywood Blonds stunt that almost got them fired. Lenny, and I quote: “Oh yeah, we’re REAL lucky to have a job in WCW.” They’re sick of this stupid “gimmick” and tell Hancock to come find them when the bun is out of her hair. So much for the fourth wall.

Total Package vs. Brian Knobbs

Liz and Luger have the Sting stuff with them. Fit Finlay is guest referee here for no apparent reason. Knobbs jumps Luger to start and elbows him in the face. The Pit Stop is loaded up but Finlay pushes Brian’s arm down for some reason. Knobbs responds by…..doing it anyway. They head outside with Knobbs whipping him into the barricade, only to have Finlay blast Knobbs from behind.

Back in and Brian, apparently not hurt by a shot to the head, fires off clotheslines and drops some elbows as this is the most motivated he’s been in years. Brian goes up for a splash but Finlay stands in front of him, allowing Liz to hit Knobbs with a bat. That’s it for Finlay as he leaves, allowing Luger to Pillmanize Brian’s arm. We get some smack talk about Hogan and I’m assuming it’s a no contest.

Rating: D-. So we have Finlay vs. Knobbs in an actually interesting feud (gah that’s hard to say) and then Luger wanting to fight Hogan for no reason other than the script says so. Knobbs now has a broken arm, so maybe he’ll be off screen for a bit? Somehow this was better than I was expecting.

Norman Smiley comes out of a coffin dressed as the Demon. Egads.

Dale Torborg is mad that someone has stolen his outfit. So much for staying in character.

Shane Helms vs. Norman Smiley

Norman is the Demon because he’s the original Santino Marella. Helms starts fast with a Russian legsweep but Norman pops up like a skilled guy stuck in a horrible comedy gimmick and slams Shane down. In the middle of this match of all things, we hear that Hogan will be on Thunder this week. That doesn’t get a big segment of its own? Well of course it doesn’t. Helms busts out an airplane spin but Norman comes back with a giant swing. It’s time to dance but the other 3 Count members have to be dispatched. The Norman’s Conquest is good for the quick submission.

Cue Torborg with the cops to chase Norman off.

Page and Kimberly are in the back when the Mamalukes come up. Vito gets a quick feel of her but Kimberly thinks it was Disco, who calls her a bimbo for accusing him. Page beats Disco up out of principle.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Disco Inferno

Page drags Inferno into the arena and they get all up in DJ Ran’s area. DJ Ran still had a job in 2000??? They fight through the crowd with Page in control and the bell finally rings once they’re inside. A top rope clothesline and Rock Bottom knock Disco even sillier (yet doesn’t mess with that perfect hair) but he comes back with, what else, a low blow. Disco’s usual neckbreaker and middle rope elbow set up the dancing, only to have Page plant him with a helicopter bomb. The Diamond Cutter ends this in a hurry, as it should have. I guess Page is a full on face again.

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Terry Funk/Sid Vicious/Ric Flair

And there’s no Flair. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Sid fighting the Twins and Funk not being able to keep up. Sid takes we’ll say Ron inside and Funk throws in a chair, which the Twins quickly throw back out. You can hear a fan complaining about his eye hurting because the fans are that silent. Ron gets backdropped to the floor but Don breaks up a powerbomb on Jarrett. So the powerbomb is legal again?

Things settle down with Funk working on Ron’s leg, only to get chaired in the back by Don. Off to Jarrett to hammer away in the corner, only to have Funk grab a quick piledriver for a breather. It’s off to Sid to clean house and here comes Flair to go after Funk as we flash back to 1989. Actually that’s a great thing. Security drags him away and Ron gets chokeslammed with Don making a save. That earns Don a powerbomb but Jeff comes in with the guitar to knock Sid cold for the pin.

Rating: D. So is Flair a heel? Because that would be about the dumbest thing they could do right now. Therefore, we’ll go with the idea that Flair is a heel at the moment. The match was there so Flair could come out and attack Funk to set up their match down the road, even though I’m not sure how much interest there is in the two of them fighting, as they’re a combined 106 years old at this point.

Overall Rating: D-. So they bring Flair back and turn him heel, again leaving Sid and Funk as the top faces in this company. At this point, I really can’t bother getting annoyed anymore. Between that and Finlay and Knobbs having one of the most developed stories on the roster, this company really is just melting before our eyes. On top of all that, it’s becoming clearer and clearer that Jarrett is just going to hold the US Title without frequently, or even occasionally, defending it, meaning a big chuck of the roster is just running around fighting for no reason. It’s such a waste but it’s what we’re stuck with.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6