Can’t Deny It
Date: April 4, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers
Commentators: Jack Farmer, Rich Bocchini

This is from Defy Wrestling and that’s not a promotion I know very well. I’ve seen a bit from them before and I do remember liking them so there might be something worth seeing here. The main event will see Kenta defend the World Title against Gringo Loco, which should at least be good. Let’s get to it.

Schaff is in a four wheeler (or whatever you call a vehicle for driving through the woods in the mud) and wants everyone in the BMF battle royal for his Pacific Northwest Title.

Tag Team Titles: Bollywood Boyz vs. Man Like DeReiss/Michael Oku

DeReiss and Oku are challenging and have Amira with them. Oku is apparently a replacement for Leon Slater who isn’t here due to travel restrictions. DeReiss raps his way to the ring and seems to be rather popular. Gurv and DeReiss start things off with the latter powering him up against the ropes. Some running shoulders put Gurv down and we hear the Birmingham, England (DeReiss’ hometown) area code or whatever he keeps shouting.

Oku comes in and gets armdragged into an arm crank as it’s back to Gurv for more arm pulling. That’s broken up as Oku sends him into the corner, where he jumps over DeReiss for a kick to the chest. They head outside where Gurv hammers away on Oku, setting up a middle rope bulldog for two back inside. Oku fights out of the chinlock rather quickly so it’s a top rope elbow Hart Attack for two instead.

A quick shot to the face lets Oku go up for a frog splash high crossbody and it’s back to DeReiss to pick the pace way up. Everything breaks down and Oku hits a big running flip dive, followed by DeReiss’ powerbomb for two. Stereo half crabs (Oku’s signature) have the champs in trouble but they reverse into stereo Sharpshooters. That’s broken up as well so it’s a 3D to send Harv into Gurv for two. Harv shrugs it off and sense Oku outside, setting up the Bollywood Blast for the pin on DeReiss to retain at 16:36.

Rating: C+. Nice enough match to open the show here, though it really did start to break down near the end. There is only so much drama to be had out of a thrown together team challenging for the titles but it was about all that could be done. The Boyz aren’t the flashiest team in the world but they can do their thing more than well enough.

CCK vs. Moonlight Express

That would be Chris Brookes/Kid Lykos (with Kid Lykos II) vs. Mao/Mike Bailey, because Mike Bailey is everywhere over Wrestlemania Weekend. Mao flips the rather tall Brookes off to start so Brookes teases leaving. Not that it matters as he comes back so Mao can start with Lykos. Mao takes him down and flips him off so it’s off to Bailey, who can’t get into a test of strength with Brookes (as Bailey barely comes up to his shoulders).

Brookes pats him on the head so Bailey starts kicking away in a much smarter move. That lets Bailey pat him on the head for a nice touch and it’s Lykos coming in for a change. A poke to the eye just makes Bailey kick him even more and there’s a double dropkick to send Brookes outside. Stereo moonsaults (from the same corner) take out CCK on the floor and we head back inside.

This time Mao is sent crashing outside, allowing Lykos to hit a top rope Codebreaker on Bailey. We pause for some exchange of fluids from CCK to Bailey (who does have a funny face in reaction) before Lykos shouts BRAINBUSTER. Bailey blocks it so Lykos does the same thing again and, again, is blocked. Serves him right for telegraphing his offense. Mao comes in and sends CCK into each other but CCK is right back with stereo octopus holds.

Those are broken up so Brookes and Mao trade strikes to the face for a double down. Bailey is back in to strike Lykos down, setting up a running shooting star press for two. Brookes misses a kick to the head so Bailey moonsaults onto Lykos on the floor. Back in and the Express miss stereo Ultimate Weapons but Lykos calls for the brainbuster AGAIN and AGAIN it’s broken up.

Bailey’s tornado kick (which he didn’t advertise) hits Lykos and a rollup gets two. Brookes is back in with a kick but Map kicks him right back down. Lykos is back in with the unadvertised brainbuster for two on Bailey so Brookes adds a top rope double knee for two of his own. Mao is taken out again so it’s a Gory Bomb/Diamond Dust combination to finish Bailey at 16:13.

Rating: B. They got rolling near the end there and it was just one big move after another. Bailey is kind of perfect if you want a bunch of cool looking stuff with pretty much no selling in between so he fit in well here. Brookes stands out alone because of his size but he can move well out there to balance it out. Good stuff here, as they just did a bunch of stuff to show off.

Respect is shown post match.

Women’s Title: Vert Vixen vs. Jazmin Allure vs. Trish Adora

Vixen is defending and Mega Ran is a guest commentator. The champ is sent outside to start, leaving Adora to lift Allure up and bent her over the knee in a rather wacky looking hold (the wave to her mom makes it even better). Back in and Vixen makes the save, including a running elbow to drop Adora.

They go outside with Allure hitting a big dive, setting up the chinlock back inside. Adora comes back in but gets her leg kicked out, allowing Allure to hit a Sling Blade. Allure kicks at both of them but Adora pulls a high crossbody out of the air. Vixen’s missile dropkick puts the other two down, followed by a nasty German suplex to plant Allure.

A Blue Thunder Bomb gets two but Adora is up for the save. Allure drops Adora again and runs the corner for an armdrag to Vixen. That means it’s time for Adora and Vixen to trade kicks to the face until Adora is knocked outside. Allure’s guillotine is broken up and Vixen plants her with a powerbomb, followed by a brainbuster to retain at 12:52.

Rating: C+. This was the definition of a match that just kind of happened as they were getting in as much stuff as they could in their limited amount of time. There wasn’t much in the way of a story and while Allure stood out, the other two did well enough. Good enough for what it was, but they needed a better layout.

Pacific Northwest Title: BMF Battle Royal

This is an eight man battle royal, which appears to be either a Royal Rumble or gauntlet match, with Schaff defending. Luke Jacobs is in at #1 and Galeno del Mal is in at #2 with Mal hitting a hard shoulder to take over. Charles Crowley is in at #3 (as this is apparently a Royal Rumble with 57 second intervals) and dances around ringside as Jacobs takes over. The other two pause as the dancing gets inside, followed by Crowley slams Jacobs.

LJ Cleary is in at #4 and fires off some strikes, setting up a springboard armdrag on Mal. Shota is in at #5 as the ring is filling up quickly. Shota runs into and gets kicked down by the much bigger Mal and it’s Gene Munny in at #6. A slingshot spear hits Crowley and house is quickly cleaned by the less than serious Munny.

Ricky Knight Jr. is in at #7 and easily fireman’s carries Cleary and Munny at the same time for a double Samoan drop. Schaff is in at #8 to complete the field and house is quickly cleaned. In this case, cleaning doesn’t mean eliminating though as everyone pairs off. Munny gets clotheslined out, leaving Cleary and Crowley to fight out to the apron. Both tease getting back in but Munny pulls them out, leaving us with five.

Schaff cuts off Shota’s tornado DDT attempt and throws him out. Knight is eliminated as well, leaving us with Schaff, Jacobs and Mal. Jacobs catches Schaff up top and grabs a superplex (instead of knocking him to the floor), followed by a pop up powerbomb to Mal. That doesn’t go well though as Mal tosses Jacobs and we’re down to two. Schaff low bridges Mal over the top but he barely hangs on, giving us a Shawn Michaels reference. They slug it out on the apron until Schaff grabs a Death Valley Driver to retain at 15:00.

Rating: C+. This was another match where it felt like they were trying to get in as many people as possible. That isn’t the worst idea on a show like this, but it doesn’t exactly let anyone but the winner show off. Thankfully they didn’t spend too much time with the ring full, but it was more or less “everyone comes in and then Schaff beats the up”, which isn’t much of a match.

Sovereign vs. Dragon Gate vs. C4XKC

That would be:

Sovereign: Evan Rivers/Judas Icarus/Travis Williams
Dragon Gate: Ho Ho Lun/Kzy/Shun Skywalker
C4XKC: Cody Chhun/Guillermo Rosas/KC Navarro

Skywalker headscissors Chhun to start as Mega Ran talks about work he has done on entrance music and completely ignores the match. Navarro comes in to yell at Kzy but neither of them can actually make much contact. Icarus sneaks in for a hard clothesline on Kzy as Sovereign comes in to stomp away. Kzy gets pulled back into the corner but it’s Rosas coming in to clean house.

Everything breaks down and it’s time to start the rapid fire dives. Rivers sends Rosas into the corner and it’s Williams cranking on the arms over the ropes. Rosas is back up with a heck of a clothesline and the tag brings Chhun back in to pick up the pace. A DDT gets two on Williams and everything breaks down again.

Skywalker’s standing moonsault knees hit Chhun for two but Williams is back in with a moonsault for two of his own. We hit the parade of people knocking each other to the floor until C4XKC take over on Williams. Stereo rolling kicks to the head give C4XKC a triple pin on Williams at 12:40.

Rating: B-. As you might have expected, there is only so much you can get out of a match involving nine people in a single ring. While the teams probably have their own backstories and histories, we only got so much of those things here as commentary wasn’t exactly telling us much. The action was good and they did what you would have expected, but it would have been nice to know more about what I was watching.

The #1 Defy Match Of The Year is Judas Icarus vs. Mike Bailey. One might think they would give the date of the match but oh well.

Defy World Title: Kenta vs. Gringo Loco

Kenta is defending. They circle each other for about a minute until Kenta grabs a wristlock. Loco flips away and they stare it down again as this isn’t in the fastest gear to start. Kenta snaps off a headscissors and they head outside with Kenta taking him down again. The fight heads into the crowd with Kenta hammering away even more. Back in and some knees to the head let Kenta gloat a bit more.

An offer of a handshake just lets Kenta poke him in the eyes but Loco plants him down for a change. Loco works on the arm for a bit before going big with a double springboard moonsault for two. Some chops against the ropes just seem to wake Kenta up so he comes back with a release fisherman’s suplex. A tornado DDT gives Kenta two and he grabs the STF.

With that broken via the ropes, Kenta goes up but dives into a spinning sitout powerbomb for two. They head to the apron and slug it out where another powerbomb is countered into a DDT to plant Loco hard. The count is barely beaten so Kenta drops a top rope double stomp for two. Loco grabs something like a powerslam spun into an F5 for the same and they head up top.

Kenta tries a super Falcon Arrow but gets reversed into…uh well a super Falcon Arrow actually. The referee gets bumped and Kenta grabs a DDT, plus a chair for a bonus. A bunch of shots have Loco down but he counters a belt shot into an over the shoulder Tombstone. There’s no referee so Loco goes up, only to get kneed down for two. The Go To Sleep retains the title at 23:07.

Rating: B-. Lame ending to a pretty good match, as the chairs and ref bump felt like they needed a way to add drama. I’m not sure how regular Loco is in Defy but he felt like someone who was just there for the sake of having a challenger with a name. They were getting going near the end and then they did the stuff with the chair to bring it right back down. I was expecting more from this and it wound up being just strong enough for a main event.

Respect is shown to end the match. How nice of Loco to shrug off the rampant chair shots.

Overall Rating: B-. I remember having a great time with the first Defy show that I watched and this didn’t really come close to that. The biggest problem here was nothing about the show stood out. Save for maybe the battle royal, there was nothing on here that you couldn’t see on any decent independent show. This is the kind of show that I’m going to forget by the end of the day and that’s not something you want to say about any show, let alone something on the biggest wrestling weekend of the year.

 

 

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Russell Crowe Wrestling: RussellMania 3
Date: March 30, 2023
Location: Burbank Moose Lodge, Burbank, California
Commentators: Erik Barnes, Rivers Langley

So this is Wrestling Pro Wrestling, a comedy promotion run by Brian Kendrick. The event was held over Wrestlemania weekend and then released on Youtube, though I have a grand total of no idea what to expect here. With wrestlers named Poptart Boy and Leather Daddy, I’m almost scared to know what I’m getting myself into. Let’s get to it.

Opening video, which features a bunch of stills and has quite the early 80s feeling.

Erik Barnes welcomes us to the show and makes it clear that Russell Crowe will NOT be wrestling and describes this as a wacky wrestling promotion. The Midcard Title (which sounds like the official name) and the Wrestle Turkey Title will be on the line tonight, but first, here is Cereal Man (a superhero with a box of cereal for a mask). He can’t find promoter Gary Tickles, who has left a note: “see you next show suckers, no refunds.”

There is an idea though, so here is Darwin Finch, apparently a scientist, who has invented a cloning machine. His goons have stolen some celebrity DNA, so here are clones of Tom Cruise, Gary Busey and Sean (normally spelled Shaun) White. Cereal Man says these clones suck, but apparently they are clones of celebrity impersonators on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (ah, the common problem). We’ll try one more so here is Chuck Norris….as portrayed by Jimmy Wang Yang. That’s enough for Cereal Man, who throws everyone out. Cereal Man: “You guys want to see a chicken wrestle a bear?”

Chick-A-Dee vs. Evgheni

Dee is a woman in a chicken costume (Commentary: “This pollo is loco!” Should be loca but whatever.) and Evgheni is a Russian bear. The Bear hibernates to start so Chick pokes him, only for the Bear to go back to sleep. Back up and a bear claw shove gets two on Chick but the referee faints after a well places growl. The Bear bites Chick’s face and then….decides to go to the bar, meaning it’s a countout at 4:09.

Rating: C. Yeah we’re going to be in for a weird show here and it should be a lot of fun as a result. I’m not sure I got the joke here but at least they are living up to the kind of show that they want to be. Also, thankfully they kept this short instead of driving the joke into the ground like so many would.

Anthony Andrews vs. Koto Hiro

Andrews is a cowboy and one half of the NWA US Tag Team Champions. Hiro on the other hand is your stereotypical Japanese masked man. They go for the grappling to start with the much smaller Hiro not being able to get very far. Hiro kicking him in the head works better though and a rolling cutter gets two.

Andrews knocks him outside and hammers away on the floor. Back in and Hiro snapmares him down into a jumping knee to the face but Andrews plants him with a Rock Bottom. A middle rope Codebreaker gets two but Hiro is back with a springboard spinning Codebreaker. That sets up a missed frog splash though and Andrews grabs a pumphandle powerslam for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: C+. Actually not too bad here, which mainly focused on a power vs. speed match. Andrews isn’t a hue guy but he’s big enough to outmatch someone like Hiro. Other than that, Hiro kept things moving enough and sold the big power stuff well enough. Not a great match, but it was close enough to being serious to make it work.

Respect is shown post match.

Fourmage Horsemen vs. Stoner Brothers/El Chupacabra/Anton Voorhees

Oh boy. This is WPW vs. Hoodslam, because that’s a good idea. So the Horsemen are Gorgonzole Anderson/Parm Anderson/Ricotta Flair/Tully Blancheddar, while the Stoners are Rick Scott and Scott Rick (not typos), complete with a STONERIZED theme. And yes, the Horsemen all have heads made of cheese. Before the match, Flair makes fun of the other four, including saying the Stoners are more like the Groaner Mothers. Anton and Tully start things off, with Tully going rather basic (“This is an aged cheddar after all.”) but Anton comes back with an enziguri.

Tully gets quadruple teamed in the corner so it’s off to Parm vs. Chupacabra, with the former being knocked into the corner. Rick Scott adds a superkick but Gorgonzole comes in for a wristlock. A series of shots in the corner put Gorgonzole down but he gets over to Flair for the rapid fire chops. Not that they matter as Flair is knocked down and picked up/dropped back by all four for a quadruple pin at 5:05.

Rating: C. Yeah I laughed and that’s the point of something like this. It’s a big choke with cheese puns and I don’t think they were trying to do anything else. Let them get in there, do their jokes and get out before it goes too long. If nothing else, points for being able to come up with a gag for the entire Horsemen, including that aged cheddar line.

A clone of David Copperfield (magician, not Dickens) and here is brings a fan into the ring for a card trick. Before he can complete it though, the Great Branzino, with his Goblins (Dingleberry and Grundell) interrupts. Branzino is about three and a half feet tall and says we’re not here for magic or over the top characters. No one wants to see that fool Luigi Primo! Cue Primo (the guy who can spin a pizza while doing really basic moves), with Branzino saying it’s an amazing coincidence that Primo is here. Since he is here though, the Goblins should get him!

Luigi Primo vs. Goblins/Great Branzino

They fight over wrist control, with Primo using the pizza to mistake. Primo hits them with the pizza, so Branzino tells the Goblins to form the TROLL TRON. As Grundell gets on Dingleberry’s shoulders, Copperfield gives Primo a second pizza, which he combines with the first to scare the Goblins away. Branzino hits Primo low for the DQ at 2:31.

Post match Branzino pulls out some pepperoni pizza flavored Combos but Primo chokeslams him onto them instead….for a pin, despite the bell ringing off the low blow. These pizza and magic themed characters should be better with their continuity.

Kid Isaac/Sam Squatch vs. Devastator 2/Devastatress

Devastator is billed from Hot Topic. Devastatress is a mystery partner, who is better known as Jazzy Yang (Jimmy Wang Yang’s daughter). Squatch is in a rather large Bigfoot costume and seems rather interested in the Combos. Isaac hands his sunglasses to Squatch to start and they are promptly destroyed. Devastator tries a test of strength and gets a tickle from Isaac and it works so well that they do it again. Isaac offers to let Devastator tickle him but gets kicked in the ribs instead.

Back up and Isaac runs the corner, walks the rope, and jumps back down for some more tickling. Squatch comes in to run Devastator over and a double shoulder gives Isaac two. Devastatress gets in a cheap shot from behind as commentary continues to call every move either the Devastator or the Devastat-Her. The chinlock goes on for a bit before Devastatress goes after the knee.

Isaac enziguris his way to freedom and hands it back to Squatch to slow things down. A Rocket Launcher hits Devastator for two but Devastatress isn’t tickleish. Instead Isaac forearms her in the face to little avail, as she drops him fast. A low blow to Squatch sets up a chokeslam, followed by a 3D to finish Isaac at 11:08.

Rating: C-. Once you got past the joke of every move being called the Devastator/Devastate-Her, there wasn’t much to see here. Isaac wasn’t overly funny and a guy in a Bigfoot costume is only going to get you so far. I wasn’t feeling this one, but when your entire show is a bunch of jokes, some things aren’t going to land.

And now we have the “Sexy Chino Hollywood Adjacent Dance Party”. We have Sexy Chino, the Clone of John Travolta, Emo Tep (the emo mummy), Boogaloo Brown, Haystacks (a large stack of hay wearing overalls), and David Boomerang (a giant mouse). They all dance until Boomerang….starts stabbing people. Boomerang is awarded the win “by way of stabbing” and apparently this is a pattern for him.

Tag Team Titles: Darwin Finch/Fidel Bravo vs. Fabio/LJ Cleary

Finch and Bravo (with El Cucho El Sicario) are defending. Finch and Fabio start things off as commentary stops to argue with Cleary over not being able to tell the challengers apart. Fabio hits a dropkick to start so it’s off to Cleary, who gets caught with a springboard armdrag. Bravo comes in and yells at Finch, allowing the challengers to take over and dance a bit.

The double teaming has Bravo in trouble and Fabio snaps off a suplex for two. Finch gets in a slap from the apron though and Bravo scores with a DDT. Everything breaks down and Finch and Bravo take over, with Bravo actually hugging him. Then Sicario hits Finch low, allowing Bravo to hit Finch with a Falcon Arrow so Cleary can get the pin and the titles at 7:12.

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much a joke as much as something with an actual storyline, which worked well enough. What mattered was getting the title change out there to make the show feel important and not doing a bunch of jokes for once. It makes something like this feel like it mattered, though things were hardly serious, as you should kind of expect around here.

Post match Officer Robot Cop (exactly what it sounds like) comes out to say the new champs broke the law so the titles are officially stripped. Finch and Bravo are still champions.

Midcard Title: Battle Royal

King Dezi, Jumping Jim Logan, Tarzan Duran, Man Like DeReiss, Hobo, Mike D., Charles Ray

Yes it’s called the Midcard Title and this is billed as a “several person battle royal”. Tarzan is Tarzan, Dezi is an actual king, DeReiss raps himself to the ring, Mike is rather muscular and Ray (a Ray Charles knockoff, complete with blindness and a yellow suit) is defending. Logan yells at everyone else to start and says he is NOT jumping, despite that being his name. He finally jumps once and a bunch of people knock him silly, allowing Ray to get the pin for the elimination.

Ray sings as everyone else fights to the floor (this is feeling a lot more like an elimination match than the battle royal they advertised) before heading outside to sing about how everyone in the ring is fighting and shooting. Mike bearhugs Hobo before Tarzan comes in to work on Hobo’s arm. Hobo hits a running corner clothesline but gets taken down by a flipping neckbreaker.

The singing is still going on as DeReiss stomps on Dezi in the corner. Hobo and DeReiss trade standing switches as Tarzan listens to Ray singing. After Hobo misses a kick, DeReiss…..sprays him with air freshener for the pin. With that odd choice out of the way (Ray, still singing: “Positive sounds, that’s what I heard, hope it was good.”), Tarzan comes back in and kicks Mike outside. A springboard flip dive takes Mike down and a Code Red gets two back inside.

Mike pops back up with a powerbomb and a helicopter bomb finishes Tarzan. Ray, with his trombone, comes in and hits some people by mistake, allowing Dezi to pin Mike. We’re down to Ray, Dezi and DeReiss and the singing continues, with commentary talking about how long this song has been doing. Ray is now singing about how he has a goat and 58 farms so DeReiss goes after him, only to get sceptered down by Dezi for the pin. Ray thinks the scepter is the microphone and accidentally knocks Dezi out before covering him to retain at 14:45.

Rating: B-. Ray sang that song for over fifteen minutes and while it was just bizarre freestyling by the end, it went on for so long that it was hilarious. This whole thing was a bunch of people getting in a little bit of time while Charles did his thing and it worked far better than it should have. This was one of the better jokes on the show and that is covering a lot of ground.

Sneaky Snakes vs. Leather Daddy/Rubber Baby

The Snakes would be the Sassy Assassin/Sneaky Pete and are in striped shirts and masks, making them look like very stereotypical prisoners/bank robbers. They also have Sacre Blue with them, while Daddy and Baby have very large rubber fast masks. The Snakes jump them from behind to start as Blue seems to be fighting in this as well. Baby gets double teamed to start but Daddy makes the save with a double noggin knocker. Back up and Pete knocks the Baby’s head off, revealing a red mask.

Baby gets to clean house but super fan Courtney Glove comes in to try and calm him down….which earns her a trip to the floor. Assassin hugs Baby but gives him an atomic drop, resulting in a diaper issue (just go with it). Baby chases the villains around with a diaper and rubs it in Blue’s face…which apparently allows Blue to talk without a lisp. Blue: “I CAN FINALLY BE A VOICE ACTOR!” He’s so happy that he falls down and Baby falls down on him for the pin at 5:04.

Rating: D+. So that happened. I’m not sure I get the joke here but the Snakes were at least unique in a good way…I think. This feels like something where I might need to know these people a bit more to care and this wasn’t exactly the most brilliant comedy. Much more of a skit than a match here and not in a good way.

Post match another shot to the face brings the lisp right back.

Eli Everfly vs. Gregory Shmegory Sharpe vs. Mizuki Watase

Sharpe is a high flier (as in a pilot) and Watase is from DDT Pro in Japan. Actually hang on as we have a fourth entrant.

Eli Everfly vs. Gregory Shmegory Sharpe vs. Mizuki Watase vs. Watts

Watts, a rather skinny guy, is described as a powerhouse. Watase and Watts form an early alliance which is broken up in all of three seconds. With the other three on the floor, Watase hits a big dive and strips down to his gear. Back in and Watase hits a basement dropkick on Sharpe, who is right back with a Rock Bottom. Everfly comes back in with a springboard wristdrag but Watts is back in to fall away slam all three of them. A double chokeslam puts Sharpe and Watase down but Everfly gets the sleeper.

That’s enough to bring Watts down to his knees and a triple kick to the head puts him down. Watase takes Everfly down but Sharpe knees him in the face to leave all four down. A chokebomb gets two on Sharpe with Everfly making the save. Everfly hits a heck of a tornado DDT to send Watts outside, where a top rope hurricanrana takes him down instead. Back in and Watase brainbusters Sharpe for two, followed by a scoop piledriver (starts as a slam, ends as a Tombstone) for the pin on Sharpe at 7:54.

Rating: C+. Other than the pilot thing for Sharpe, this was a pretty straight match without anything very unique or even comedy stuff. That being said, it was rather nice to have a different kind of match after doing so much of the same kind of material (even in different forms) all night long. Not a great match or anything, but a nice pallet cleanser, which you need at times.

Wrestling Pro Wrestling Wrestle Turkeys Title: Poptart Boy vs. Dark Sheik

Poptart Boy (he’s a walking Poptart and teams with Cereal Man as the Breakfast Of Champions) is defending (the title is huge and looks to be homemade) while Sheik is a mermaid (so she has to hop to the ring). A lockup puts Poptart Boy against the ropes and Sheik (still hopping, because she has a single fin instead of legs) flips him off.

Poptart Boy shoulders her down and hammers away in the corner. Sheik hammers away (Commentary: “Shot to the frosting.”) and it’s a Fish One Nine before Sheik starts eating his filling (exactly what it sounds like). Poptart Boy is fine enough to hit a chokeslam and a falling splash (frosting side down) retains the title at 4:19.

Rating: C. I’m sitting here trying to think of what to say about this and….yeah what am I supposed to say? It’s a humanoid Poptart fighting a woman whose legs are tied together to make her a mermaid while commentary uses lines from Under The Sea. This was every idea you could think of from the outer reaches of an intoxicated mind and yeah, it was kind of great.

Russel Crowe Pro Rumble

Cinderella Man, Robin Hood, 3:10 To Yuma, Gladiator, Master And Commander, Master And Commander 2, Another Gladiator, Another Gladiator, Black Gladiator, Beautiful Mind, King Ghiraffedorah

Darwin Finch is on commentary and each one is a character from a Russell Crowe movie (plus some repeats because, as commentary put it, they were running out of ideas). The bell rings and hang on as here is Ghiraffedorah (a three headed giraffe, due to reasons of just go with it) to get in the ring. Everyone backs away from him but it’s a bunch of headbutts and chokes (with the arms being other giraffe heads). Then he spits something out and it’s…..the ace of clubs, the card from the fan with the card trick about an hour and a half ago! The fan comes in and gets attacked as well so we’ll throw it out at 2:33.

Finch: “I really hope I won’t be held responsible for this.” Ghiraffedorah attacks some fans to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I liked it. This show didn’t try to be anything that it wasn’t and completely embraced the insanity. It was one idea likely created by Brian Kendrick and his friends under the influence of various substances and as a result it was rather fun in a lot of ways. This wasn’t about wrestling but rather having a lot of fun with wrestling going on. It’s nothing I would want to see full time or anywhere close to it, but for a one off, there is some great stuff in here. Not all of the jokes work, but or a weird trip inside the mind of wrestling fans, this was a great time.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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For The Culture 2023
Date: March 30, 2023
Location: Ukranian Culture Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Darien Bankston, D’Lo Brown

This show has become a tradition as the show focuses on Black wrestlers from around the world. That has made for some rather entertaining shows over the years and it features quite the group of talented stars. There is a good chance that it continues this year so let’s get to it.

A rather loud ring announcer welcomes us to the show and we’re starting with a scramble. Well of course.

Ashton Starr vs. Ju Dizz vs. Keita Murray vs. Darius Carter vs. Terry Yaki vs. Devon Monroe Faye Jackson

One fall to a finish. Carter, who seems rather full of himself, goes to the middle of the ring and tells everyone that they are about to lose tonight. Then he shoves Jackson in the face and it’s time for everyone to hit him in a row. Yaki hits a Cactus Clothesline to send Carter outside and it’s time for Dizz to dance with Jackson. That earns him a bunch of superkicks, leaving Starr and Monroe to kick Jackson down.

Starr beats on Monroe, who comes back with a rope walk armdrag but Jackson runs both of them over with a clothesline. Carter and Yaki come back in with Carter not being able to keep up with him. Yaki sends him outside for a dive, with Keita hitting a dive onto both of them. Dizz corkscrew dives onto all of them before Yaki adds another dive for a bonus.

Back in and Keita Boston crabs Yaki until Starr makes the save. Monroe comes back with a super jawbreaker for two but Jackson grabs a bottom rope hurricanrana. Carter piledrives Jackson but Dizz gives him a pumphandle powerbomb for two more. Monroe gives Dizz a twisting high crossbody….and Carter steals the pin on Dizz at 8:03.

Rating: C+. I’m not a fan of scramble matches but this was put together pretty well, with the people getting to do their stuff and not going too long. Carter felt like someone who had the personality to stand out a bit and him getting the win after starting off in trouble works. Also, points to the commentary team here, who kept saying the wrestlers’ names when they were around. A lot of fans aren’t going to be familiar with everyone as they come from all over so very well done on letting us know who we were seeing. So, so many shows don’t get that and it’s great to see for a change.

Willie Mack vs. Billy Dixon

Anything goes. They stare at each other to start before Dixon heads outside to start grabbing the weapons. Since Dixon spends so long getting weapons together, Mack goes outside and hits him in the face to get things going. Dixon punches him into the crowd but Mack shrugs it off and comes back to ringside. Mack walks him around the ring so more fans can hear the loud chops in a rather mean touch.

Back in and they slug it out until Mack scores with a superkick for two. A heck of a chair shot to the back keeps Dixon in trouble but he’s back with a clothesline. Some hard chair shots have Mack crawling across the mat, where Dixon bridges a door over two chairs, with Mack underneath. Mack fights up though and powerbombs him through the door, setting up a frog splash for two.

Dixon is back up with a spear through another door in the corner though and frustration is setting in. One heck of a spinebuster plants Mack, who pops back up with a Stunner. They head back to the floor (Brown: “This match is about as pretty as a rock fight.”) with Mack trying to slam him onto a chair but not exactly making it work. Back in and another Stunner is countered into a backslide to give Dixon the big upset pin at 13:19.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one as they somehow managed to make a Willie Mack match boring. That’s very hard to do, but Dixon is a bigger guy who can only do so much. At the same time, they didn’t exactly give us a reason for why these two are fighting. It wasn’t the worst, but this was a long match that didn’t work very well. You need to give me a reason to care and that wasn’t the case here.

West Coast vs. The World

West Coast: G. Sharpe, Kenny King, Mazzerati, Alpha Zo, Midas Kreed
The World: AC Mack, Jay Malachi, JC Storm, Jeffrey John, Suge D

This is an elimination tag with King and Suge as the captains. Mack and Zo start things off with Zo running him over and sending him into the corner. A running kick in the corner misses Mack by about nine inches but Zo grabs a suplex instead. Sharpe and Malachi come in, with Sharpe chopping the heck out of him to take over. Malachi is back with a hurricanrana and dropkick, meaning it’s off to Mazzerati vs. Storm (both women).

It’s Storm starting fast with a pump kick and possibly ripping out an earring. That’s WAY too far so John and Kreed come in with John grabbing a springboard hurricanrana. The fans are split between East Coast and West Coast as Suge and Kenny come in. Suge works on a headlock before his running shoulders have no effect. Instead, Suge switches to the knee to take King down in a smart move.

King is right back up with a hard kick to the head though and Suge is knocked silly. Everything breaks down with all ten coming in and naturally most of them wind up on the floor, with King hitting a big flip dive. Sharpe takes Malachi down inside and hits the big flip dive off the top, leaving almost everyone down. The pile gets back up and heads towards the entrance, with Malachi hitting a HUGE flip dive over the corner. Back in and Malachi and Sharpe kick it out until until Sharpe hits a brainbuster for the elimination at 12:11.

John comes in and grabs a Gory Stretch on Sharpe, which he walks around the ring. Sharpe finally gets over for the tag (without getting out of the hold) to bring Kreed in to pick up the pace. A spinning kick to the head rocks John but Suge tags himself in for the save. Suge elbows Kreed in the head for the elimination at 14:32.

It’s 5-3 as Mazzerati comes in, only to have Suge put his hand on her head. With Mazzerati scaring him away, Suge brings Storm in for another showdown. Mazzerati yells a lot but gets speared down instead. That’s not cool with Mazzerati, who grabs a northern lights suplex for the elimination at 16:46. Then Mack comes in with a pair of Mack 10’s (arm cross Pedigree) to get rid of Mazzerrati at 17:02.

King comes in to slug it out with Mack before it’s quickly back to Suge. A spinebuster plants Suge so John comes in and ducks a spinning kick to the head. King gets cuttered down so it’s back to Zo, who gets caught with an uppercut. John Blue Thunder Bombs Sharpe but King rolls through a crossbody and hits the Royal Flush to get rid of John at 19:17.

It’s 3-2 with West Coast in the lead with Sharpe slugging away at Mack and Suge. The numbers get the better of him though and an assisted Mack 10 gets rid of Sharpe at 20:10. It’s Zo/King vs. Suge/Mack so they go face to face. The slugout is on…and King and Zo get stereo rollups for the win at 21:36.

Rating: B-. I got into this one as they didn’t fly through the eliminations and let the wrestlers show what they could do. You don’t get to see that very often in a Survivor Series match outside of WWE and in this case it worked pretty well. The ending was a nice surprise too and not something I remember seeing before. Throw in commentary telling us what was going on and this worked well.

Bryan Keith vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

They circle each other for about a minute as Keith isn’t overly popular here. A lockup lets Scorpio walk him into the corner but Keith is back with a hammerlock. Scorpio reverses into an armbar to take him down as they’re firmly in first gear (and almost slow motion). Keith armdrags him down into an armbar of his own but Scorpio fights up and hits a quick legdrop.

A belly to back suplex gets two but Mack manages a tornado DDT for the same. Keith ties the legs up in something like a Figure Four (but turned to the side). Scorpio grabs the rope so Keith grabs a very lame looking nerve hold, earning himself a kick to the chest. They trade forearms and then kicks to the face with Scorpio finally going down.

Back up and Scorpio knocks him down, setting up a moonsault for two. Scorpio goes to the top but Keith shoves the referee into the ropes for a nasty crotching. An exploder superplex sends Scorpio flying for the crash, followed by Diamond Dust (love that move) to drop Scorpio again. Back up and Scorpio fights his way out of…something and loads up a powerbomb, which is reversed into a sunset flip to give Keith the pin at 16:55.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen enough of Scorpio over the years to know that this wasn’t him at his best. I’m not sure what was going on here, but they were barely moving out there and it showed badly. Keith has shown some skill in the matches I’ve seen him in before, so this was a rather weird one that didn’t work. I’ll chalk it up to an off night, as both of them are much better than this.

Black Wrestlers Matter Title: Kevin Knight vs. Myron Reed vs. Man Like Dereiss

Reed is defending and Dereiss raps his own way to the ring. Knight is quickly left alone in the ring but busts out a big dive onto Reed. Back in and Reed dropkicks him down, setting up a slingshot legdrop for two. Dereiss comes back in to kick Reed to the floor but Knight grabs the foot.

All three are back in now and Knight takes the other two down. A splash gets two on Dereiss and a hard clothesline drops him again. Reed dives back in to take Knight down, only to get dropped by Dereiss. A double Blockbuster puts Reed and Knight down for two, though Dereiss isn’t sure on that count. Reed starts bouncing around and cutters Dereiss but Knight dropkicks him down for trying another one.

Dereiss and Reed head outside and go into the chairs but Knight dropkicks Dereiss back off the apron. Back in and Knight hits a heck of a DDT on Reed but Dereiss is back in with a 450 to both of them at once. Knight tries to come in off the top with a frog splash, only to have Reed cutter him as he lands on Dereiss. That gets two (might have been a botch) so Reed Air Raid Crashes Knight onto Dereiss for a double pin to retain at 10:07.

Rating: B. This was the kind of high flying, speed based match that you were probably expecting. It was a lot of fun with everyone moving rather fast and hitting one big move after another. The cutter to catch the frog splash looked great and was probably supposed to be the finish. Either way, heck of a match here and probably the best thing on the show so far.

Pan-Afrikan World Title: Trish Adora vs. Calvin Tankman

Adora is defending and Tankman is a rather large man. They start before the bell with Adora being sent outside, where she manages to kick him in the head. Back in and the bell rings, with Adora hitting a quick DDT. Tankman elbows her in the face but gets caught with a German suplex for two. Another elbow knocks Adora silly and you can see her looking rather stunned by the shot.

Adora is fine enough to come back with some forearms, earning herself a hard slam. Tankman starts taking his time but misses a charge into the corner. A shot to the head rocks Tankman but he’s back up with a spinebuster. The big forearm gives Tankman two and he puts Adora up top, only to get sunset bombed back down. Lariat Tubman sets up Cattle Mutilation and Tankman taps at 8:49.

Rating: C. Intergender wrestling is a hard thing to pull off in almost any form and that didn’t take place here. I couldn’t buy the idea that Adora, as good as she is, could do any damage to someone the size of Tankman. It felt like a match where Tankman could have squashed her at any time and that’s not the best way to go. The match was far from bad in any way, but I didn’t buy it and that’s not good.

Post match Billy Dixon comes out for his shot and…yeah that’s not working for Adora.

Overall Rating: C+. This show had enough rather good moments to make up for the weaker points. The talent was certainly there and the triple threat and Survivor Series matches were both quite solid. There was only one bad match on the show and I’m still not sure what went wrong there. Overall it’s worth a glance at just over two hours, making it decent enough and not that long.

 

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