On This Day: July 21, 1996 – In Your House #9: International Incident: I Was Really Bad Back Then

In Your House 9: International Incident
Date: July 21, 1996
Location: General Motors Place, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
Attendance: 14,804

We’re a month removed from KOTR 96 here where three things happened. #1, Shawn pinned Bulldog clean to retain the title, so that’s out of the way. Second, Mankind beat Taker clean by knockout. The Mandible Claw is now one of the most feared moves in the company as it actually beat Taker. That was huge at the time. The most important and by far most famous thing though was Austin won the King of the Ring tournament.

While that is pretty much forgotten, his victory speech featured the debut of one of the most famous catchphrases of all time. He had beaten Jake Roberts in the final. Roberts had been using a preacher gimmick at the time, so Austin had this to say. For those of you that haven’t seen this before, watch it now. This is required viewing for wrestling fans

And there you have it. The catchphrase that sold a million t-shirts is born. Austin rode that one line to the second biggest career in company history. He carried the WWF on his shoulders through their darkest days, and I don’t care who says otherwise, they’re wrong and I’ll argue that all day and never lose. Austin carried the WWF, and his persona was born on that night. His time would come, but at the moment it wasn’t quite there yet.

However, and dang I’m getting goose bumps thinking about this, that line where he said he didn’t care who you were or what you did, he was coming for you, would result in the return of Bret Hart, and the absolute best feud I’d seen in years would start at Survivor Series.

Oh and Ahmed won the IC Title that night too.

This show might as well be called Summerslam Pre-Show. That’s all it is: a PPV build up to Summerslam. Your main event is a 6-man tag, with Camp Cornette vs. Shawn and his two face partners. The original team was Shawn, Ahmed and Warrior Warrior Warrior. However, Triple W decided to bail, for various reasons depending on what story you want to believe.

Either way, he’s gone and was replaced by Sid. Other than that, this show is designed to build for the second Mankind vs. Undertaker showdown at Summerslam. The card here is one of the weakest of the entire series and perhaps the worst period. This should have been a Raw based on the look of it, but let’s give it a chance.

Your opening video is………bad. All it consists of is a recap of the free for all which was Shawn’s manager Jose Lathario beating up Cornette but then Vader running in to beat him up. Shawn got there before it happened though. There’s no talking on this and if you didn’t know who these people were you would have no clue what was going on. Apparently if Cornette’s team loses he’s promised all of the crowd a refund so we have the ending of the main event sealed.

Free For All: Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs. Savio Vega

Yes that Bradshaw. This was back when the pre show meant something. You’d get an exclusive match with the regular commentators doing the talking. It really did a good job of getting you in the mood for the main show which is something that is severely lacking in today’s stuff as all you get is a recap. Back in my day your preshow often had something that would play a role later on in the PPV itself, so you had to make sure you saw this show.

We actually get a recap of this mini-feud as they’ve met twice before. It is so weird to see JBL with blonde hair past his shoulders. He’s actually fatter than he was in his last run. Vega with a boot that almost hit Bradshaw and we wouldn’t want that to happen. There’s not much here as it’s really similar to a pre Raw dark match.

That’s fine really though as it’s only meant to warm up the crowd. Neither guy was anything more than a jobber at this point so no one is really interested. Bradshaw wins after his manager Uncle Zebekiah holds Savio’s leg down. Post match they beat Savio down.

Rating: C. Yes it’s boring and nothing special, but it wasn’t on PPV so what do you really want here? It’s a free match to get the crowd in the mood a bit. Based on that, it was fine for what it was. Nothing bad, just nothing good.

Bodydonnas vs. Smoking Gunns

This is non title for some reason. Sunny has jumped to the Gunns now as they’re the tag champions. To say that she looks hot as a cowgirl is like saying Norcal has a bit of muscle. She’s a goddess out there and she knows it. The cutoff shorts are amazing on her.

The crowd is so dead for this match and all they care about is Sunny. Apparently Jake Roberts can’t wrestle tonight, which I think is storyline. Lawler takes another jab at Roberts’ alcohol problems, which was a storyline that I’ve never been quite comfortable with. Ross mentions the “attitude changes” of the Gunns, which is code for heel turn. Roberts was supposed to face Mankind so he’s been replaced by Henry Godwinn. Well that’s a great thing indeed.

Ross says it’ll be a rugged match, which translates into: “We know it’s going to suck, but the show is 20 dollars so get over it.” Vince says that while the Bodydonnas are the quickest team in the company, which is probably true, the Godwinns are equally quick. Even JR asks if Vince meant the Godwinns and in a fairly stern voice, Vince says he did indeed mean the Godwinns.

That makes no sense and you can hear JR is confused, as I am, by that statement. Anyway, something is wrong with Sunny as she collapses. It’s a fake obviously as the Gunns use it to cheat. The Gunns have taken over but I’m more interested in an Urkel rerun on Nick at Nite. The Gunns try the World’s Greatest Tag Team move with Billy trying to jump over Bart who is holding his opponent’s legs while his throat is on the rope.

They botch it though as Billy can’t jump high enough. That’ makes me laugh. This match is running long here as it’s losing any steam that it had in the first place. I think the Bodydonnas are faces here but I’m really not sure. Apparently they had a manager that they fired to signify this, but it’s not sticking that well. Something is going on in the crowd as the fans are far more interested in that than they are in this match. The Gunns lose off of a missile dropkick from the top.

In the back we have Camp Cornette who is mad about Lathario’s actions earlier, claiming it was like a gang assault. Owen has a cast on his hand for some reason and Diana isn’t going to be in the corner tonight because it’s no place for a lady. Thanks for wasting 80 seconds of our time.

Mankind vs. Henry Godwinn

Yeah it’s a squash. Godwinn was a modern day Hillbilly Jim (that was his manager) but a bit more serious. However, no one believed he had a chance here. Foley was at his all time strangest here as there was never anyone like Mankind in wrestling prior to this.

The guy was just OUT there. He’d hit himself, pull chunks of his hair out and randomly scream. He was one of the few wrestlers that legitimately scared me as a kid. He beat the Undertaker who was one of my favorites and the mark in me was terrified of him being world champion. Anyway, there’s very little here. Godwinn pounds on him and nothing happens. Eventually Mankind gets the claw and Godwinn is out cold. This was nothing.

Rating: C. Boring, but it got the job done. Mankind looks like even more of an unstoppable monster and that’s exactly what he was supposed to do. When he was in a team, Godwinn was ok. On his own, he was pretty boring.

Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero

The announcers put Austin over as being a huge star and they couldn’t be more right. Them calling him technically sound amuses me as I know what’s coming. For those of you that don’t know, before Austin hurt his neck he was a totally different style of wrestler. He even came off the top rope a few times. They try to push Mero as the same thing and I just shake my head. Not everyone can be a star Vince.

This match is a rematch from the KOTR semis where Mero got beat by Austin, but during a rollup legitimately kicked Austin in the mouth and busted him open. Seeing Austin with writing on his tights is just odd to see. Sable’s hotness really should be illegal. She’s just gorgeous. This match is moving pretty slowly and I think that’s for the best. Austin’s style at the time was a more methodical one and that’s what you’re getting here.

You’re really starting to see some of the flashes of Austin’s signature style coming on here. He’s stomping a lot, turning really fast with his arms at his side, etc. Austin actually goes for a springboard move. He had a bulldog but runs at the corner to walk up them. He got reversed, but it was still amazing to see him attempt it and make it look good.

During the match, Marlena and the Usher come to ringside and hand King a letter or something. They leave with nothing really happening so that was kind of odd. Mero is just bland. His gimmick was that he was supposed to be wild, but that pretty much consisted of a lot of flips over the ropes and punches.

He was ok, but he was just out of his league here. Austin back then was one of those guys that you could just see something special in. You knew he was going to break through the glass ceiling soon and the only question was when would it happen? Anyway, Austin wins with the stunner, minus the kick.

Rating: B-. This match was designed to do one thing and one thing only: build up Austin. That’s exactly what it did too. Austin was the star in this match and did most of the work in it. He never was in any real trouble other than for a few seconds and he looked dominant over a guy that was a solid midcarder at the time. Good little match and it pushed Austin even harder by giving him another win to add to the pile.

Undertaker vs. Goldust

This feud just will never die will it? I can’t believe this thing has been going over four months and I literally don’t remember a single match they had. We get a recap of what this feud has been, which is more or less Taker beating the living tar out of Goldust but never getting the IC Title, until Mankind debuts and beats on Taker some too. That leads us here, somehow.

Of course, we get the endless stall from Goldust before the match starts and the insanely long entrance from Taker to fill in more PPV time. After about 5 minutes of stalling, Taker beats the living tar out of him. It’s a pure beatdown with very little from Goldust at all other than running from Taker. I really don’t get the point to these matches. We all know Taker is dominant and is going to crush Goldust, so why have them?

Apparently he’s more aggressive this time though so he won’t get beaten up as badly. Why do I have a feeling that won’t do anything at all to help him? The movie references are already rolling but they’re not as funny this time from Lawler.

Holy crap Taker used a small package, and a decent one at that. After about 10 minutes of Taker beating on Goldust, he hits the tombstone. However, as the referee is stalling to get to the finish, Mankind pops out of the ring (literally) and gets the claw on him.

The lights flicker but there’s no Taker as Mankind looks into the hole. Taker pops out of another hole and fights Mankind back to the locker room. As the announcers talk while the ring is repaired, we cut to the back where Mankind and Taker are fighting in the boiler room. That’s your foreshadowing to Summerslam I guess.

Rating: C-. This was what we had seen for four months now and still it’s not entertaining. Why Goldust is what I don’t get. He had no connection to Taker. No one remembers this feud for some reason. The whole point of this match was to have Taker and Mankind continue their feud so that’s fine, but it just was a stale feud by this point.

In the back, Goldust is quoting movie lines while stroking Mankind’s hair while he calls Goldust’s wig mommy. It’s stranger than it sounds. They talk about the Undertaker, I think.

Camp Cornette vs. Peoples Posse

Yes that’s what they were going by. Pre match we hear from the faces who say your basic face things. Shawn comes out first for some reason. As he’s coming to the ring, one of the barricades breaks and the fans fall into the aisle. Shawn keeps smiling though as clearly no one was hurt. One of the kids runs up and hugs him. Shawn is professional and hugs him back so that’s good to see.

Sid has been turned face for some reason now. This can best be described as three matches in one: Shawn vs. Vader, Ahmed vs. Bulldog and Ahmed vs. Owen. Sid is just kind of along for the ride, which isn’t his fault. He was thrown into this thing a week ago with no real storyline at all.

This match gets some decent time at over twenty minutes which should be a requirement for more than four people in a match. You have ample time to get all the feuds in and everyone has enough time to face everyone at least once. It’s kind of like an orgy: if you don’t get a sample of everyone, then it’s kind of a waste of time. You may be more partial to one person, but you need to sample them all.

This is a very solid match. While I never have been a fan of tags like this to close a PPV, this is one of the best I can remember seeing. Shawn, the best in the match, is in the ring more than anyone. He flows very well with all three men which is saying a lot as they’re all very different styles. Ahmed is barely ever in, which means that they at least know he’s terrible in the ring.

You get a lot of back and forth action with the heels dominating most of the match but the faces making the last minute save before things get too terrible. They hammer each other the entire match and it’s quite physical. You get combinations of all 6 guys which is always fun.

Cornette panicking at every near fall is just great as he fakes heart attacks like no one else ever could. This show really was better at building up Summerslam as Smith and Sid have a lot of time together here and they would meet next month.

Shawn and Vader of course would go on to headline Summerslam in a month in a showdown for the title. That of course is your ending here, as Shawn is setting for the kick but Cornette grabs his foot. Splash in the corner, Vader Bomb and the pinfall. The crowd and the announcers are stunned to say the least.

Post match, the faces clear the ring and Shawn jumps Vader before they all pose. Poor sportsmanship there. He got beat clean.

Rating: B. Very fun match that did its job. It built up for next month and it made people believe Shawn was vulnerable. It got the time that it needed and nothing felt rushed. Very well done match, but at the same time, this was the main event of the PPV. It’s by far the best match, but that’s not saying much.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is bad, like really bad. It’s five matches: a non title match, three glorified squashes and a good main event. There’s little of interest throughout the whole show and there was no reason at all for this to be a PPV. I could easily see this being a Raw.

Now I’m known to be a fan of this concept, but this was completely unnecessary. No need for a PPV here at all, and it showed. There is no thought, there is no effort, there is nothing at all to this show. Complete recommendation to avoid.

 

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On This Day: June 22, 1998 – Monday Night Raw: He Is The Future

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 22, 1998
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Attendance: 10,891
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is the go home show for the King of the Ring and the first set of KOTR matches, so we’ll have four of those tonight. Other than that expect more as far as the C-o-n-spiracy and the whole fallout from that. We also have Kane and Mankind vs. an Outlaw apiece. This looks like a very standard go home show, so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with Taker destroying Bearer. Kane will break his silence tonight.

Theme song.

The Cell is above the ring again.

Here’s Vince to open the show. He brings out the next WWF Champion, Kane. Bearer is watching on satellite. The fans immediately chant for Austin. Vince says this will be the greatest day of Kane’s life on Sunday. Kane has apparently requested a special kind of match. There’s no pin, submission, DQ or countout. It’s first blood. Vince wants to know how confident Austin is. Kane (who hasn’t said anything until now) says that if he doesn’t win the title, he’ll set himself on fire. I can’t help but laugh at this.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Ken Shamrock vs. Mark Henry

The Nation is sent out again as they’ve been for the last few weeks. Shamrock makes Henry miss and fires off the kicks. He walks into a powerslam to take him down though. Legdrop gets no cover for Henry, which is chalked up to a rookie mistake by JR. Henry hooks on a bearhug and then a splash to the back of Kenny. Back to the bearhug. Shamrock tries to come back with a sunset flip but Henry drops down onto him. And now bearhug #3. FEEL THE ELECTRICITY BABY!!! Shamrock fights back and manages to hit the rana, sending Mark to the floor. Vader runs out and drills Henry. Belly to belly by Shamrock wins this.

Rating: D+. Henry somehow didn’t get any better for about 12 years. I mean dude, by the laws of averages and muscle memory you would think that somehow he would get better. That belly to belly was pretty impressive. Shamrock had a lot of talent but was only going to be an upper midcarder at best given the way his character went. Plus injuries on top of that.

Edge is in the audience.

X-Pac vs. Dustin Runnels

Dustin, the newly religious man, offers a handshake but gets a crotch chop for his efforts. The move known as the X-Factor takes him down but it doesn’t mean much yet. Dustin crotches him to counter a bulldog but Pac sends him to the floor. Chyna hits him low and momentum shifts again. Pac hits some of those very fast legdrops of his. I’ve always liked those. Off to a chinlock and we talk about how Austin could make Kane bleed. Dustin makes a comeback and a cross body gets two. One armed suplex gets the same. He loads up the bulldog but Chyna trips him. Pac kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s amazing how much less annoying Sean Waltman is when he’s against someone who isn’t a giant. Dustin is a good sized guy but they didn’t have to make him look like an idiot here to have Pac beat him. That’s what gets on my nerves about small guys like Pac and Mysterio: if they’re fighting giants, the giants have to look like idiots for the small guy to win. This has nothing to do with the match. I’m just kind of rambling now.

Pac won’t shake his hand again post match.

We talk to Bearer at his home in….wherever it is. He promises to be at Kane’s side on Sunday.

Here’s Jerry Lawler to rant about Al Snow some more. Snow has apparently stolen the cleaning lady’s dress. Jerry has some papers for Snow, and here comes Snow out of the crowd in a dress. Head has the King’s Crown. Jerry offers a meeting with Vince for the crown. Lawler gets the crown back and Snow is handed a contract, signed by Vince McMahon. Snow and Head have to team up and face Too Much at King of the Ring. If they win, Snow gets his meeting with Vince.

Snow drops to the mat and says pin me and pay me. Why wait until the PPV apparently? Jerry calls out Too Much but Snow pops up and beats them up with Head.

Edge is now sitting on the stage.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Marc Mero vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett knocks him to the floor quickly as the fans are cheering for Sable. There’s a gag order on the Sable issue which translates to me that they have no idea what they’re doing with the story but they have to have her back. Mero powerbombs Jarrett and hits a moonsault press for two. He might have hurt his knee jumping but still manages a small package for two. Jackie trips Jarrett and Tennessee Lee goes after her. That lets Mero hit Jeff low and hit the TKO but there’s no referee. Cue Sable for a distraction and Jarrett grabs a DDT to advance.

Rating: C-. Match was okayish but this was about Sable. I don’t think they ever actually revealed what the reason was for her coming back, but that’s par for the course in this ear. Anyway, decent match and a weird thing to see Jarrett as the face in one of these, especially after that character totally bombed as a face for the Horsemen.

Jarrett says he’s seen the light and will be king.

Kane vs. Road Dogg

I don’t see this lasting long. Billy is sent to the back. Roadie tries to stick and move but there’s too much Kane. A big boot puts Road Dogg down and there’s the smother that Kane has been using on Cena lately. Road Dogg takes a beating but manages to get in some punches and a clothesline to send him to the floor. And never mind as Kane takes over again quickly. Chokeslam is loaded up but Roadie hits him low….to no effect. The chokeslam hits and Tombstone finishes.

Rating: D. Just an extended squash here but it made Kane look unhurtable going into the match on Sunday. That’s the point of this and it also pushes the tag title match which is coming eventually. See how easy it can be to efficiently book a show? Why don’t people get that more often?

Bearer talks about the Conspiracy and Taker wanting to shut him up last week. Screams are heard and Taker comes in and destroys Bearer again. Various stuff is destroyed and the feed cuts out.

And now, it’s time.

Edge vs. Jose Estrada

All that is known about Edge is that he’s a tortured soul from Toronto. He comes in through the crowd and Estrada jumps him. Edge comes back with a spear and sends him to the floor. Edge hits a flip dive over the top onto Estrada….and breaks Estrada’s neck, putting him out for months. Edge wins by countout. The replay shows that Edge’s leg landed on the top of Jose’s head. It only lasted about 30 seconds.

And that’s how Edge debuted.

Kane is freaking in the back as Foley tries to calm him down. There’s a buzz from Kane’s voicebox.

Jose is taken out on a stretcher. Based on the replay, it’s hard to say who’s at fault. When you flip forward like that, it’s hard to control where you land. Probably a combination of both.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: Dan Severn vs. Owen Hart

Severn is in that t-shirt of his. He spears Owen down and you know he wants it on the mat. The American hits a German on the Canadian but gets caught in an enziguri. Fisherman’s suplex gets two for Owen. Severn comes back but gets caught in a neckbreaker. Owen rolls outside and grabs a chair. Severn grabs it and in the distraction, X-Pac comes in and cracks a chair on Owen’s back. Severn’s submission ends this. Too short to rate but the match was fine.

The Nation runs Severn off.

Post break Rock calls out DX for a fight and here they come. Remember that it’s still HHH vs. Rock in the tournament later. DX comes out but suits hold them back.

King of the Ring Quarterfinals: HHH vs. The Rock

Just Chyna out there with either person. Winner gets Severn at the PPV. Rock takes over to start and hammers HHH down. He ducks his head though and HHH grabs a swinging neckbreaker. HHH takes over and drops the Flair Knee for two. Rock takes over and hits a suplex for two. There’s the People’s Elbow but HHH kicks out. Rock punches HHH, HHH punches Rock, HHH hits the facebuster to take over. Rock sends him to the floor but as he poses, Chyna DDTs him for two. They trade sleepers and Chyna tries to interfere for some reason. The distraction lets Rock hit a low blow and win with a fisherman’s suplex.

Rating: D+. How was that 8 minutes long? Usually the rule of thumb I use is that each paragraph of text is about four minutes of video. How in the world was this an 8 minute matches? It was mainly punching for one thing and nothing at all stands out about it. Definitely one of the weakest I can remember from these two, but their big one is coming.

DX and the Nation run out and it’s a big brawl.

Here’s the semi-finals for the KOTR:

Shamrock
Jarrett

Severn
Rock

Kane is still freaking out. Mankind says stay here because he has to go have a match.

Mankind vs. Billy Gunn

Mankind talks about being a history fan and having a picture of men from Gettysburg near his bed. As he’s talking about this, the Cell is lowered. The story was about time healing all wounds, but he doesn’t want to heal the wounds with Taker after what Taker did to Paul Bearer last week. They’re not going to prosecute him though because it’s a family matter on Sunday at the PPV.

Here’s Billy and the Cell is still down. All Mankind to start including the running knee in the corner. He takes Billy to the mat with a body scissors and the Cell is up. Billy tries to fire off some punches and they go to the floor. Chyna’s interference doesn’t really work at all. She gets ejected and they stay on the floor. Billy drops him onto the railing and into the post but it doesn’t really do anything. Billy dropkicks the steps into Mankind’s face and hammers away but Mankind keeps getting up. Fameasser (called the Rocker Dropper) doesn’t do anything and a piledriver is countered. Mandible Claw ends this.

Rating: D. The problem here was that the ending was inevitable. I mean, did anyone think Billy Gunn was going to win this? The match just went on and wasn’t all that interesting at all. The Outlaws were good at just about everything, except for that whole having matches thing. They were more of an act than a team, which makes things like this a bit annoying.

Mankind can’t find Kane.

Here’s Sable of all people with about 5 minutes left in the show. She brings out Austin in the white baseball jersey which never really worked for him. He wants Sable to go flip Vince off for him. Austin looks around for anyone wanting a fight and then accepts Kane’s challenge. In one of the funniest lines I can ever remember, Austin says if Kane lights himself on fire, he’ll be there with marshmallows, hot dogs and beer and we’ll have a big campfire. Here comes Kane but blood flows from the ceiling onto Austin. Now the white shirt makes more sense. Kane says on Sunday the blood will be real.

Overall Rating: D+. I really didn’t like this one as much as I did last week’s. This was more about getting all of the things that we had to get done before Sunday done. The lack of Vince has been hurting the shows as he’s only been in the opening segments lately. The wrestling here continues to be weak, but seeing Edge debut, even though it was shot, was very cool.

Here’s King of the Ring if you’re interested:

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Monday Night Raw – March 15, 1999: This Isn’t A Wrestling Show Anymore

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 15, 1999
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,146
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve only got two weeks left before Wrestlemania and the card is pretty much ready to go. Well in the world of logical booking and common sense it is. The Wrestlemania 15 card will change a lot tonight for reasons that I’m sure will make me roll my eyes and want to punch someone in the face over. Also hopefully Paul Wight is dubbed Big Show soon because it’s hard not to call him that. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rock and Big Show’s (finally called that) issues. Rock slapped Big Show last night on Heat before Big Show lifted the ring off the floor. Why Rock didn’t just hop out is beyond me.

Here’s Rock to open the show. I love how he holds the belt in his arm like a football. He talks about how Austin has 13 days before the beating of his life, but the fans stop him to say that Rocky sucks. Austin should go lay down on the train tracks because the Smackdown Express is about to run him over. As for Big Show, Rock knew he couldn’t trust him but it’s clear that Austin and Big Show are in cahoots. He wants Vince out here right now or he’ll kick his roody poo candy…..but Rock has to stop to remind the fans that THIS IS NOT SING A LONG WITH THE ROCK!

Anyway cue Vince who looks very annoyed at this inconvenience. He thinks that Rock is cooking a big load of monkey crap because all this Rock stuff is going to the champ’s head. Maybe Dwayne needs a reality check. Vince asks Rock about the stuff the McMahon family has done for Rock’s family and says that the championship belongs to Vince, not the Rock. However, Rock isn’t going to lose that title to Austin. Vince’s family has been looking out for Rock’s family for three generations so he’s going to protect Rock now. He’s brought in Big Show to help Rock and the Corporation and Show has done a lot for Rock already.

This brings out Big Show himself and he’s not pleased with what Vince is implying about him. Maybe Big Show should cash in one of his big checks on the Rock and then use the change on Vince. McMahon says he pays Big Show and that means Big Show does what he says. Show chokes Vince into the corner but Vince says this is what Austin and the people want. Instead, they’re going to get Rock and Big Show vs. Mankind and Austin. Rock and Big Show shake hands,

Some construction guys come out and start building a table in front of the regular announce table. They don’t know why they’re doing it but apparently that’s their assignment.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Val Venis

This is because Venis, the champion, pinned Road Dogg in a tag match on Heat. Trust me: that’s far from the most backwards thing tonight. Road Dogg says he’ll win and become the Intercontinental Champion of the world. Dogg misses a charges into the corner to start and Val pounds away. A spinebuster gets two for the champion as do some elbows. Apparently Venis has guaranteed a win in three minutes.

There’s a powerslam to the Dogg but the Money Shot misses. Dogg starts pounding away and hits the shaky knee drop and a pumphandle slam for two. The construction guys are still working and have a power saw going. A snap suplex gets two for Val but Roadie catches him in a DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing of note and I really have no idea why the title change happened. Val wasn’t the best champion ever but he had a feud going on for the title with three other guys, but now Road Dogg is champion. Nothing to see here as the main focus was on the carpenters at ringside.

Rock tells Big Show he can win the tag match by himself.

DX celebrates Road Dogg’s new title in the back. Billy apparently wants a shot.

Here’s Shane to say that beating X-Pac at Wrestlemania will be as easy as 1-2-3. Kid. Eh point for a funny line. Anyway, right now he’s going to challenge the Legion of Doom to a handicap match……and it’s Patterson and Brisco in LOD attire.

Shane McMahon vs. Legion of Doom

Vince is on commentary. This is exactly what you would expect as Shane destroys the “LOD”. Brisco is Hawk in case you were wondering. Both guys get Bronco Busters as X-Pac is watching in the back. Shane hits them both with the European Title and gets a double pin. This was a long joke, not a match.

As the McMahons leave, Undertaker’s voice comes over the speakers and we get a shot of apparently Vince’s house. Taker says a woman is coming home soon. The Ministry is at Vince’s house and apparently they’re trying to get in.

Vince calls his security company but they’re not at the house yet.

Cue JR and Steve Williams. Apparently JR is going to do his own commentary and the carpenters were building him his own announce table. Yes, this is what we’ve spent 20 minutes setting up. The table says JR is Raw.

Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart vs. Public Enemy

Earlier today the challengers said they don’t want anything handed to them. It’s a big brawl to start and Rocco almost immediately tries to put Jarrett through a table. We hear about people being annoyed at where Public Enemy used to work (both ECW and WCW) as Owen hammers away on Rocco. The champions (Jarrett and Hart of course) split Rocco’s legs before it’s back to Hart to pound away in the corner. Rocco avoids a charge into the corner and it’s hot tag to Johnny. He cleans house and there’s a guitar shot, leading to the pin for Jarrett. This was like 90 seconds.

JR thanks the fans for their support as Jerry and Cole talk about the match.

The cops won’t go to Vince’s house because they think it’s a publicity stunt.

Post break Vince is upset because no one will answer. Shane offers to call his friends to go help but there’s a phone call from Undertaker. Apparently Undertaker asks if Vince knows where his family is.

A steel cage is lowered.

Wrestlemania is coming.

Vince has a meeting with the Corporation.

Mankind is sitting inside a shark’s mouth (literally) and says he’s going to give Mr. Socko a bath with Paul Wight’s saliva.

Mideon vs. Big Bossman

This is inside a cage and Mideon is here all alone tonight. Apparently this is a Hard Time cage match, whatever that means. You win by escape only and Boss Man dominates Mideon to start. A splash in the corner puts Mideon down and Boss Man throws him face first into the cage. Boss Man pulls out a chain and blasts Mideon in the face for good measure. Here’s the rest of the Corporation as the cage door is open. The beatdown is on and the match is again thrown out after about two minutes.

Vince talks to Undertaker, saying that if Undertaker doesn’t leave Vince’s home, Mideon will be destroyed. We cut to a shot of Vince’s house where Taker says his men exist to die for him. Taker says he’s going to do what he has to do and a car pulls up. The feed cuts out and we go to a commercial.

Post break Vince and company are panicking while trying to get someone on the phone.

Now, let’s go to the Playboy Mansion with Lawler getting a tour. If you can’t figure out what’s going on here, you’re in the wrong review. The acting on this is worse than almost anything else I can remember in WWE. The King is thrown out of course.

Here’s Sable to show us the entire Playboy spread. I’m sure. She’s basically in S&M gear here and shows us the pictures. They’re censored of course, making this rather pointless. If the fans want to see the uncensored ones, they have to pay. Anyway, this brings out Tori who now has entrance music. She insists she’s as good as Sable and won’t stand in the shadow any longer. Tori offers to show everything she has. Her voice sounds like it’s coming from a machine. A challenge is made and accepted for Wrestlemania. Tori strips to some very large underwear.

Cops arrive at Vince’s house and look around to see if there’s anything to Vince’s claims.

We go from that to a video on how tough things are on the mean streets of Greenwich, Connecticut, featuring the Mean Street Posse.

Hardcore Title: Billy Gunn vs. Hardcore Holly

Gunn is challenging of course. It’s a brawl to start and odds are that’s what we’re going to see for awhile here. Gunn is sent to the floor and Holly pulls out a garbage can for a hard shot to the head. Billy comes back with a whip into the steps for two but a piledriver on the floor is blocked, as it always is. They head inside with Billy breaking a broomstick over Holly’s back. A shot to the throat gets two on Holly and it’s chair time.

Holly comes back with a facejam onto the chair and a clothesline to put Gunn on the outside. Gunn tries a comeback but walks into a drink to the head as we go back inside. A chair to Billy’s head gets two but Holly is thrown onto JR’s table, apparently knocking the signal out. Cole and Jerry can still talk though and they get to call Billy hitting a Fameasser onto the chair for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. So yeah, Russo’s BRILLIANT conclusion to two simultaneous midcard title feuds is to swap the champions out for each other. Gunn would defend the Hardcore Title in a three way at Mania and Road Dogg would be in the fourway. The problem is none of those challengers have any issues with either respective champion, so the matches wound up being worthless. But hey, it’s a SWERVE you see? Who needs logical storytelling when you can have SWERVES?

Vince is told the cops left but gets a call from Undertaker, saying that he’s going to be the father that Vince never could be, or maybe he could just torture her. Who this “her” is hasn’t been revealed yet. Taker’s symbol is burning on Vince’s lawn.

Here’s HHH with something to say. Apparently Chyna has a partially burned retina. HHH is mad that it was his eye that Kane was shooting for, so get out here right now for a burning. Cue Kane and the brawl is on in the aisle. As they fight at ringside, here comes Vince with his head hanging down. Vince wants Kane to try to talk to Undertaker (Vince’s voice is mic’d here but his hands are empty) but HHH won’t let Kane leave. Kane shakes his head no…..and unmasks to reveal Undertaker. The lights go out and Taker says he can get Vince anytime anywhere. Kane’s pyro goes off and his music plays to end this stupid segment.

Seriously, what in the world is going on here? Presumably Undertaker wasn’t ever in Connecticut (remember this show is in California), but we saw him on camera there, as we saw the cop. Even if it does make sense, it’s WAY more complicated than it needs to be, much like this entire angle.

Wrestlemania ad.

The Stooges try to console Vince.

Mankind/Steve Austin vs. Big Show/The Rock

Rock says that he’s going to win at Wrestlemania before we get going here. Mankind gets beaten down before Austin gets here, only to have the Rattlesnake come in and make the save. Austin and Rock get things going with Austin hitting the Thesz Press before he even takes the vest off. Off to Mankind who is punched in the face by the world champion. Mankind comes back with some right hands to the head and the running knee to a seated Rock in the corner.

Back to Austin as Rock is in big trouble. There’s a sleeper by Austin but Rock rams him into the corner for the break. Rock charges into a boot in the corner but rolls to the floor to avoid a Stunner. The champ tries to leave but you know Austin isn’t letting something like that happen. Back in and a bad looking spinebuster gets two on Rock before it’s back to Mankind for his own version of the People’s Elbow. Mankind hits the ropes once too often though, allowing Big Show to kick him in the back of the head. That and a DDT are enough for a two count for Rock.

Off to Big Show for the first time as the fans chant for Austin. Thankfully we don’t have JR on commentary anymore, but it means that Cole and Lawler can talk about how huge a deal that was for Vince. Big Show chokes away with those long legs in the corner as he makes the 6’4 Mankind look tiny. A Russian legsweep puts Mankind down and it’s back to the champion. Austin breaks up a near fall off the People’s Elbow but it’s back to Big Show for more punishment on Mankind.

Show chokes with the ropes as Rock draws Austin in again, allowing for a low blow. Rock brags a bit too much though and gets caught in a double arm DDT to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Austin and Rock freaks. Austin stomps a mudhole in Rock’s chest but has to fight out of a Rock Bottom attempt. Instead it’s a neckbreaker getting two for Austin but everything breaks down. Everyone goes to the floor and the match is thrown out.

Rating: C. Rock vs. Austin is always worth seeing and I can’t complain a bit about putting both big matches from Wrestlemania into a tag match like this. It was a regular main event tag match other than that though so it’s hard to complain here. The match wasn’t anything of note and the ending sucked, but the rest of it wasn’t bad. That’s as back and forth as I can get so we’ll say the rating is right in the middle.

Austin and Rock go through the announce table, which means Big Show isn’t doing his job.

Overall Rating: D. This is Russo when he’s getting WAY too much freedom. I felt like I was watching a low budget horror movie here with some screwball comedy thrown in. The midcard title swap makes NO sense and is as stupid of an idea as they could have had. It makes the matches worthless and throws out weeks of buildup. Then there’s the Undertaker stuff which feels like it’s out of a low budget Halloween ripoff. There was almost nothing good here and it’s hard to imagine we’re two weeks from Wrestlemania.

 

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Monday Night Raw – March 8, 1999: Boss Man Isn’t Much Of A Sacrifice

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 8, 1999
Location: Civic Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 13,497
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

we’re inching closer to Wrestlemania now with only Raws to go before the big night. At the moment though, the main story continues to be Vince vs. Undertaker with Austin and Rock off in a corner doing their own thing to get ready for the biggest match of the year. You can clearly see what the card should be for Wrestlemania and the build for it hasn’t been bad at all. Let’s get to it.

Oh and for you history people: this show was taped on Tuesday as was almost every other Raw. Before the show, Sunday Night Heat was taped as well. During that show, Indian wrestler Tiger Ali Singh would ask fans if they would do various things for money, including blowing their nose in an American flag. One fan agreed to do so for $5000 but instead used Singh’s Indian flag. Singh attacked him and was belly to belly suplexed. The fan’s name: Kurt Angle, in his WWF TV debut.

We open with a recap from Heat last night with Rock calling out Paul Wight until Austin’s music hit. Rock sent Show to head him off but Austin snuck through the crowd and Stunned the champ.

Here’s Rock to open things up. He has a problem with Paul Wight (whose name needs to change already) and we get a clip of the Stunner from last night. Instead here’s Vince who doesn’t look happy either. He tells Rock to stop airing corporate laundry in public, or else certain corporate members might start wondering what the Rock is smoking. Vince blames the fans for these circumstances for putting such pressure on the Rock. He assures Rock that Wight is a card carrying member of the Corporation in good standing.

Rock believes what Vince is saying but there have been far too many coincidences involving Paul Wight for there to be nothing to all of this. Rock doesn’t like the cards that Wight is carrying, and here’s Wight himself. Wight says that it was Rock who sent him into the aisle to head off Austin, leading to the Stunner. Maybe it’s not worth all of Vince’s money. Maybe he should give the money back and take the Bull and his horns and shove them…..somewhere that we don’t get to hear because Mankind’s music interrupts.

Apparently Mankind is officially the second guest referee in the main event of Wrestlemania. Did I mention that Russo was booking things at this point? Mankind says that if Rock and Wight want to get it on, he’s more than willing to be the referee for the fight. If you smell what the Sock is cooking that is.

Vince says Mankind isn’t quite the guest referee at Wrestlemania yet. Instead Mankind has to face Austin first (no mention of Mankind winning) right here tonight with Paul Wight as guest referee. Did I mention WWF was OBSESSED with guest referees at this point? Vince offers Rock a spot on commentary for the match. We’re still not done though as here’s Austin with something to say.

Austin says that everyone is out here making rulings which don’t mean anything to him. He doesn’t care about any of these people because no matter who the guest referee is going to be at Wrestlemania or tonight, he’s walking out of Philadelphia with the WWF Title. Simple but effective promo here.

The Ministy is here en masse and looking for the Boss Man. They destroy some jobbers in the locker room.

Austin is talking to Mankind and reiterates that he doesn’t care who the referee is.

D’Lo Brown vs. Owen Hart

This is a street fight because what would a match be without a gimmick right? For the first time we hear about a battle royal on Heat the night of Wrestlemania with the final two men getting a tag title shot. That’s how bad the tag division was at this point. Brown pounds away with what looks like a street sign to start but gets caught by a spinning heel kick to give the Canadian control. A piledriver down onto the sign gets two for Hart.

They head to the floor with Brown being sent into the steps. King is talking about Salty Balls from South Park as they head up the ramp. Brown finally gets in a low blow and a clothesline to put Owen down. They’re on the stage now and Owen comes right back down with a DDT onto the steel. Back to the ring they go with Brown shrugging off the DDT and pounding away with the sign. Both guys find broomsticks from somewhere and ram them together, which puts both guys down for some reason. Jeff Jarrett comes out with a guitar but Brown intercepts it and knocks Owen out cold for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m not wild on this kind of stuff with Brown getting up from a piledriver and DDT onto steel like they were nothing of note at all. That was really distracting in what was just a five minute match. I’m assuming Henry was injured at this point because having it as a handicap feud isn’t quite working at the moment.

There’s a sign in the crowd of D’Lo posing on the ropes and his head slides back and forth. That’s rather awesome.

Taker sends the Ministry out to find the Boss Man.

New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Hardcore Holly

During the entrances we’re told about Hardcore Holly vs. Snow vs. Road Dogg at Mania for the Hardcore Title. Remember that match. Holly pounds on Roadie to start but Snow tags himself in, ticking off the champion. Snow gets in some shots of his own but Holly tags himself right back in. Now Snow and Holly get in a fight over who gets to beat up Road Dogg, allowing Roadie to tag in Gunn. The hardcore guys get in another fight and Snow hits Holly with Head. A spike piledriver on Holly ends this quick.

Post match the lights go out and the Ministry arrives to beat up all four guys. Taker says tonight, Boss Man will come face to face with his maker and the lord of darkness.

Jim Ross gives Steve Williams a pep talk, explaining how great Williams is.

Here’s JR to the arena with a bag in his hand. He asks Cole to get in the ring and says he has a revolutionary idea. JR talks about how this is sports entertainment and not wrestling. He pulls out a red gi, pants and a mask. Apparently this is the gimmick that was created for Steve Williams and that’s a bunch of nonsense. As for Cole, JR talks about how he was the first man to come to Cole and ask if there was anything he could do. Cole never thanked JR for this and now Cole sits there like a little pretty boy. Apparently Cole tried to steal JR’s job so JR kicks him low. Ross gets back on commentary now as this stupid angle continues.

Vince and the Stooges tell Terry Taylor that Cole is off for the rest of the night and to go remove JR from commentary. The Stooges are assigned to watch the Ministry.

Terry Taylor comes out to remove JR from commentary as Ross goes on a rant about wanting to make a living. JR makes Red Rooster jokes and Steve Williams comes out to back JR but he leaves anyway. This is such a stupid angle. Taylor and Lawler are on commentary now.

Ryan Shamrock is on Goldust’s lap in the back and Blue Meanie is jealous of her.

The Stooges go looking for the Ministry in druid attire.

Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Shamrock meets Goldust in the aisle and rams him into the steps before going inside the ring. Now we go in for the bell and Shamrock pounds him into the corner before getting up an elbow to stop a charging Goldust. Goldie gets in a shot to the head and loads up Shattered Dreams, but he sees Meanie kissing Ryan on the floor. The distraction lets Shamrock hit a belly to belly suplex for the fast pin. This was again, an angle instead of a match.

Post match Shamrock beats up Blue Meanie as Goldust escapes with Ryan.

Shane, Test and Chyna are walking in the back.

Brisco and Patterson find some Ministry members and Brisco wants to go in and beat them down.

Test vs. X-Pac

Shane jumps in on commentary. Test LAUNCHES Pac over the top rope to start in a very impressive power display. Back in and Test rolls away from the Bronco Buster but Pac puts the brakes on before crotching himself. A big boot takes Pac’s head off as Shane is his usual VERY excited self. The full nelson slam gets two for Test and it’s off to the chinlock. Pac fights up but gets taken down by a very quick neckbreaker for two more.

We get the stupid “dive into a raised boot” spot from Test and both guys are down. Back up and a quick clothesline gets two for Pac, but he walks into a gutwrench powerbomb for two. Pac comes back with a spin kick as HHH stops Shane from interfering. Chyna gets taken out as well and there’s the Bronco Buster to Test. The melee lets Shane hit Pac with the European Title to give Test the easy pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and thankfully we didn’t have to see X-Pac do the giant killer thing here again. This set up Shane vs. X-Pac even more which wasn’t all that bad of a feud for the most part. Considering Shane wasn’t a wrestler, he did quite well in this role. Also his commentary here was somewhere between amazing and really annoying but it worked well enough.

Post match Chyna lays out HHH with a clothesline.

HHH says he’s sick of this and he’s going to drag Chyna to this ring and humiliate her right here tonight.

Patterson and Brisco (with what sounds like Vince’s voice giving them instructions) barge in and find Godfather and his ho’s. Comedy ladies and gentlemen.

HHH is hunting for Chyna.

Steve Blackman vs. Godfather

Before the match, Godfather offers Blackman a choice of either having the match or leaving with the Ho’s. Blackman leaves with the girls. That’s more interesting than the match would have been anyway. Droz tries to run in but gets beaten down…..and here’s the Ministry to take all three guys out. Taker asks how many people have to be attacked until Boss Man shows up. There will be a sacrifice tonight.

Here’s Chyna to the ring to call out HHH. He’s here almost immediately but as HHH gets to the ring, the lights go out and here comes Kane. HHH goes after Kane but Chyna grabs the Game’s arms. Kane loads up a fireball but hits Chyna by mistake. HHH immediately looks after her but Kane shoves HHH away and covers up her face. EMT’s get beaten up as well.

Post break Kane is holding a towel over Chyna’s face in the back.

Tori vs. Luna Vachon

Are you a big fan of someone in the WWF? In just two weeks, you too can be in a wrestling match on Monday Night Raw! Sable is on commentary here. We get some clips of an autograph signing of Sable’s Playboy and there are a lot of people in line. Make no mistake: she was a BIG deal back then. Sable brings King a copy of the Playboy and he freaks out. Luna spears Tori down to start and drops her with a DDT for no cover. Terry doesn’t get to look in the magazine as Luna chokes Tori enough for a DQ. This was another 45 second “match”.

Post match Sable rips off Tori’s Sable shirt. She also takes the Playboy back from King.

Boss Man shows up and is met by Taker but the Ministry surrounds him for the beatdown. WWF does realize that this is the Big Boss Man right?

Post break the Ministry drags Boss Man to the arena and sacrifice him, meaning they tie him to Taker’s symbol. It looks like a crucifixion which is still pretty creepy stuff. Taker says the Corporation will fall until there is only one left and then SHE will fall as well. Boss Man breaks off the symbol and the Corporation comes out for a brawl with Paul Wight cleaning house. The police finally show up and Taker puts his hands out to be arrested, lighting his symbol on fire in the process.

Post break Taker is put in a cop car with Vince talking trash.

Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Rock is on commentary and Wight is the referee. Austin and Wight argue a lot but Austin catches Mankind coming in and they head to the floor. Mankind whips him into the steps to take over as the fans go nuts for Austin. Steve goes face first into the announce table but moves before Mankind can dive off the middle rope to the table. Austin knocks him off the announce table and stomps a mudhole as Rock freaks out. They head back inside with Mankind hitting something resembling a Stunner onto the top rope to put Austin down.

Austin comes right back and crotches Mankind against the post before they head back inside. Mankind apparently is rocking the testicular fortitude tonight because the crotching seems to have had no effect. He pounds Austin right back down to the floor but misses the running knee into the steps. Instead it’s Austin ramming Mankind face first into the steps before heading back inside for a sleeper. A quick reversal by Mankind is countered into a jawbreaker and both guys are down.

Austin misses the running crotch attack in 619 position and an elbow drop gets two for Mankind. Off to a front facelock of all things, which might be the only instance of such a move in this era. Mankind shifts it over into a chinlock instead but Austin fights up into a double clothesline.

Steve gets up first and stomps a mudhole in Mankind before hitting the running crotch attack for two. Mankind puts him down with the double arm DDT and here’s Socko. The Stunner is countered with an elbow to the face and there’s the Claw with Austin on the apron. Wight counts INSANELY fast and Austin is counted out, making Mankind the second referee at Wrestlemania.

Rating: C. Not their best work here as this was mainly random brawling before the screwy ending. This was another match where the ending didn’t make much sense at the time as there’s no reason for the Corporation to want Mankind to be involved in the main event of Wrestlemania at all. I’m sure we’ll get a convoluted answer soon enough though.

Post match Wight chokeslams Mankind as Vince comes out to…..do something that he doesn’t get to do as Austin gets in as well. Wight gets between the two of them, allowing Rock to jump Austin and run. Kind of a lame ending segment here.

Overall Rating: D+. As was the case last week, it’s very clear that Austin vs. Rock is kind of happening in the background of Undertaker vs. McMahon, which would go on for months after Wrestlemania ended. The Boss Man was a horrible choice to put in that spot, especially when you have people like Paul Wight and Kane to fight Undertaker. Kane feuding with HHH makes sense, but for goodness’ sake Wight is fighting to be a guest referee later in the show. Not a good show but at least the world title got some buildup.

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Monday Night Raw – March 1, 1999: Does Anyone Remember Steve Austin?

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 1, 1999
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 16,566
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re a week later here in McMahon Land and the saga between Vince and the Undertaker continues. We’re also rolling towards Wrestlemania with Rock vs. Austin firmly in sight. Austin is back at the show tonight after doing media stuff last week. The card should start to fill out a bit more now that we’re only a few weeks away from the big show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Bearer giving Vince the teddy last week and Undertaker setting it on fire.

Here’s the entire Corporation to get things going. Vince talks about the end of the show last week and the one moment where he lost control. The fans aren’t pleased with seeing Vince tonight. He talks about how much he loves his family and how the fans don’t get that because they’re amoebas. That kind of embarrassment will never happen to him again, ever. Tonight, Undertaker gets a surprise as well which we’ll find out later. As for Kane, he broke a promise to Vince last week by losing. Therefore, Kane is fired.

The people from the sanitarium come out to get Kane but Chyna goes to the floor with Kane and beats up all the guys in the white coats. Apparently this is a thank you to Kane for saving her last night on Sunday Night Heat. Chyna says Kane can be an asset to Vince because she can control him. She’ll accept responsibility for him and he should get Austin tonight. If he loses, he can be fired. Vince says deal, but Chyna’s job is on the line too.

This brings out Mankind who still wants to be guest referee in the main event of Wrestlemania. He can prove his skills by refereeing the Kane vs. Austin match but Vince doesn’t seem interested. McMahon offers to let Mankind referee tonight’s main event if he can beat Undertaker first. Mankind accepts but there go the lights. Cue Undertaker’s voice which says he’s coming for Vince.

Ryan Shamrock is seen adjusting her short dress while leaving a locker room.

Austin is told he’s facing Kane and he doesn’t seem to care.

Intercontinental Title: Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Val is defending and this is supposed to have Billy Gunn as well but he’s got a lung condition or something like that. Val charges right in at Shamrock and Goldie jumps Ken from behind for some double teaming. Cue Ryan Shamrock as Ken gets caught in a spinebuster for two by Val.

Goldust takes Val into the corner and rubs his own chest, only to get caught by a low blow from the champion. Now it’s Val getting double teamed down in the corner but as usual Goldust and Ken get in a fight over who gets to cover. Goldie is sent to the floor but as Ken is about to finish off Val, Goldust kisses Ryan. Ken goes after him and both guys are counted out. In a triple threat?

Rating: D. As usual, more matches used to advance angles instead of the other way around for Russo. The idea is that Ryan has had moments with everyone and the question would be who would she side with at Wrestlemania. It’s a decent enough story that would be copied with AJ Lee in the year 2012, but things will get messed up soon.

Post match Billy Gunn runs out and jumps Venis.

Jim Ross is back from his bout with Bell’s Palsy (facial paralysis) and will return tonight.

Here’s JR (nice ovation) to interview Bart Gunn. JR asks him about his Brawl for All at Wrestlemania….before complaining about Bart not looking straight at him. Ross’ mouth is a bit messed up and he goes into a rant about being told he couldn’t be on TV because his face was messed up.

Bart wants to know what this has to do with him and JR rants more about how Bart Gunn knocked out Steve Williams. Steve and JR are friends so it was a big embarrassment to Ross. He shoves Bart and demands respect before slapping Gunn in the face. Gunn shoves him into the corner until Williams shows up to destroy Bart. Yep, they’re turning JIM ROSS heel. This would happen more than once.

D’Lo Brown is talking to Ivory in the back about something.

Tag Titles: HHH/X-Pac vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

DX is accepting an open challenge and if they win the titles, Debra will disrobe. HHH and Pac clear the ring to start until we get down to Jarrett vs. Pac. A big heel kick takes Jeff down for no cover and it’s off to HHH. HHH misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Owen. Things are moving very fast so far here. A facebuster puts Hart down but Jeff breaks up the Pedigree. Back to Jarrett who misses the running crotch attack in 619 position but Owen comes in with a sleeper to keep HHH in trouble.

A jawbreaker breaks up the hold and there’s the hot tag to X-Pac. The X-Factor gets two on Jeff as everything breaks down. There’s the Bronco Buster to Jeff followed by another X-Factor but Debra distracts the referee. Debra gets knocked off and Shane McMahon pops in to send Pac into the steps. Owen breaks up a Pedigree as Ivory shows up. The match is finally thrown out due to all the insanity.

Rating: C-. I was digging this until the WAY overdone ending. It’s a four and a half minute tag match and we had two run ins and manager interference. Was there any need to have anything other than a big brawl to end the match via DQ after Debra got on the apron? Shane and Ivory could have easily done their run ins after the match, but why have a match when you can have multiple angles?

Post match D’Lo Brown jumps the tag champions and Ivory strips Debra down to her underwear.

After a break Debra challenges Ivory for later tonight. As in an actual match. I’m shocked too.

Here are Luna and Tori who are apparently friends now after last week. Luna says that now Tori is a fan of hers and Luna is a fan of Tori. They’re standing up for the fans that Sable has scorned to get to the top and tonight, Luna is bringing Sable back down to earth. Sable comes out and Tori turns on Luna about two minutes after joining her. Sable powerbombs Luna for good measure. Tori offers Sable a high five and Sable walks away.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Road Dogg

I miss these random title matches. They give you a reason to watch because while a title change isn’t likely, you never quite know. Rock pounds away to start but walks into a dropkick out of nowhere. Dogg gets a boot up in the corner but gets caught in a DDT for two. Here’s Paul Wight for no apparent reason as Rock keeps pounding Dogg down. They head over to the announce table and Rock does some commentary. Apparently when you check into the Smackdown Hotel you get a complementary fist in the mouth.

Back in and a Russian legsweep gets two for Rock and Paul Wight adds in a headbutt for good measure. A Samoan Drop stops Roadie’s comeback bid but Rock misses a charge into the corner. Dogg hits his usual stuff like the Juke and Jive followed by the shaky knee drop. Not that it matters though as it’s Rock Bottom and the Elbow for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here but Rock was entertaining as always. I liked the idea here of throwing Road Dogg out there to make Rock look good. It’s not like Road Dogg loses anything from this because Rock is at a far higher level than he is, so why not give us something simple like this?

Post match here’s Al Snow (“A schizophrenic psychopath from Lima, Ohio whose hobbies are Hardcore Title matches and needlepoint!”) with a chair. He complains about Dogg making him job, but Dogg takes the chair away and cracks Snow in the head with it a few times. Hardcore Holly, the Hardcore Champion, comes out but gets a chair to the head as well. Dogg leaves, saying they can meet him in the parking lot if they like.

Chyna gives Kane a pep talk.

Dogg is in the parking lot with a broken broomstick and is waiting for Snow and Holly.

Here’s Public Enemy dressed up as the Brood for some reason. They say they’re not afraid of the blood….and there go the lights. They come back on and Grunge is alone in the ring minus Flyboy.

We go to the back where Dogg and Holly are fighting. After a break they’re still fighting with Holly throwing Dogg into whatever he can find at the moment. This isn’t a match of any kind. You can hear a bell ringing in the arena and apparently a match started while this was going on.

Droz vs. Steve Blackman

This is a kendo stick match, meaning you win by knocking your opponent off your feet. They hit each other a few times and head to the floor before hitting each other again. Droz is knocked down but there’s no referee. Instead Droz knocks Blackman down and wins in maybe 40 seconds. Was there a point to this at all?

Dogg and Holly are on a set of stairs now with Holly in control. They head up the stairs and Dogg is thrown out the door. Cue Al Snow to jump both guys and they brawl into the street (after looking both ways of course).

Video on Shane McMahon being tough.

We see Rocko strung up with blood all over him. As in I thought he was wearing a red shirt until I saw a few spots of white.

Here’s Vince for commentary for the next match. As he sits down, he casually throws out that it’s Undertaker vs. Boss Man inside Hell in a Cell at Wrestlemania.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Vince still won’t answer what the bear means. They trade right hands in the corner with Undertaker hitting a running clothesline to take over. Mankind avoids an elbow and pounds away but misses a charge into the corner. Taker works on the shoulder which hit the post but as he launches Old School Mankind grabs the Mandible Claw.

They head to the floor with Undertaker being sent into the steps. Mankind hitting a running knee to slam Taker’s head into the steps and Vince sounds like a thirteen year old opening his first Playboy. Vince gets up for some reason, allowing Taker to get in a chair shot to Mankind’s back. We have a double countout apparently.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad for a four minute match and this pairing is always worth seeing even in the short form. Again though, this was all about the story going on instead of the match which gets really annoying to see after awhile. On top of that, Boss Man vs. Undertaker did nothing for anyone and the announcement didn’t help anything.

Post match Undertaker goes after Vince but Boss Man comes out with a nightstick shot to break up a chokeslam through the table. The Ministry runs him off so Mankind gets chokeslammed.

The Corporation bails out.

Ivory vs. Debra

Jarrett and Hart are ejected before we get going. Ivory immediately chokes her down but here are Terri and Jackie for the DQ. Jackie lost to Ivory on Heat last night.

Kane vs. Steve Austin

If Kane loses he and Chyna are fired. Austin goes right after him to start and they slug it out in the corner. A backdrop puts Austin down before he can even get out of his vest. Kane charges into a boot in the corner and Austin wraps the knee around the post. Austin stays on the leg and the fans are WAY behind him here. Kane guillotines him on the top rope and gets two off a DDT.

The match slows down a bit as Kane pounds on Austin’s chest on the floor only to be sent into the steps. Chyna hits Austin from behind and Austin goes after her, only to catch a charging Kane in a backdrop over the barricade and into the crowd. Well you knew we were getting some brawling in an Austin match. Back to ringside and Kane rams Austin back first into the post before dropping him face first onto the barricade.

Chyna gets in some shots before Kane slams Austin face first into the steps. We head back inside and a backbreaker gets two for Kane as the crowd has calmed down a good bit. Austin tries a sleeper but Kane is just too tall. Off to a bearhug by Kane but Austin punches out. The Stunner is countered and the referee goes down, but Austin escapes the tombstone bid and hits the second Stunner attempt.

Chyna breaks up the cover at two but Kane breaks up a Stunner on her. A belly to back suplex puts Austin down and here’s Paul Wight. The top rope clothesline hits Austin for two and Kane pounds away in the corner. The crowd is getting back into it again and there’s a low blow to Kane. Austin stomps a mudhole and hits the Thesz Press as Wight slides in a chair. Two chair shots to Kane’s head puts him down but that’s not a DQ. Chyna hits Austin low but that’s not one either. Now Kane holds Austin for Wight but the giant kicks the smaller giant by mistake. Austin walks out to end the show and Kane/Chyna keep their jobs.

Rating: B-. This was a rather fun main event as these two had some decent chemistry together. The problem for them is they never really got a chance to work together all that much as their most famous match is a gimmick match and all about drama instead of action. I likes this a lot more than I thought I would have.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a good example of the adage about Russo being true: when he has the talent to work with and someone to stop him from charging off a cliff, he would put together some very entertaining television. There were a lot of stories going on here and the build for Wrestlemania is starting to come together. The one guy being left out of it though is Austin. He hasn’t interacted with Rock in weeks, he wasn’t here last week and he was thrown into the main event tonight as a warm body for Kane and Chyna’s issues. That’s a really strange use of the top guy in the company.

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Monday Night Raw – February 22, 1999: A Mortician Gives A Bear To A Billionaire

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 22, 1999
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,900
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re about five weeks from Wrestlemania and it’s been awhile since I’ve looked at Raw from this year. The main story going on right now is that Rock is the world champion again and Big Show is now around as Vince’s latest heavy. The main event tonight is Kane vs. Undertaker in an inferno match, which is a pretty big deal for Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from last week with Big Show costing Mankind the world title last week in the ladder match.

Here’s Vince to open things up. He tells us that tonight is not a night for the squeamish because tonight we’re roasting human flesh. This is payback against Undertaker for his threats against Vince. Presumably they’re talking about the envelope from last week but the contents weren’t explained yet. Now let’s talk about Wrestlemania and what might be the most electrifying WWF Title match in history. A guy in the crowd has a sign made up like a street corner with Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive.

Vince brings out Paul Wight, who would become known as Big Show and will be refereeing the Rock vs. Austin match in five weeks. Show says he’s walked out of a nightmare and promises that the WWF will never be the same again. In two days, Austin went flying through a steel cage (and beat your boss at the same time Big Show) and then Mankind lost the WWF Title.

Now here’s Rock to a pretty big face pop. Vince gives him an intro like only a wrestling promoter can. Now we get the ROCKY SUCKS chants to make things all better. Rock isn’t pleased with Big Show taking credit for Rock being WWF Champion. Show says he said it and he’s surprised Rock heard it through that thick skull of his. Rock wants to know who Big Show thinks he is because he should know his role and shut his mouth. Show tells the Pebble to close his mouth before Show closes it with his fist. Rock’s ready to go and they get nose to nose, but here’s Mankind.

He wants to be the guest referee for the main event and to prove what he’s capable of, he wants to referee Rock vs. Big Show tonight. Even Socko has a referee shirt painted on. Big Show likes the idea of a title match tonight and the fans seems interested as well. Rock says let’s to it and I guess we have a second main event.

Post break the Corporation has to keep Rock and Big Show apart in the back.

Brood vs. Public Enemy

Yeah ECW’s Public Enemy had a cup of coffee in the WWF. The Brood is Gangrel and Edge here and they’re part of the Ministry. They jump Public Enemy as they come in and send the two ECW guys together to take over. Edge dives on Rocco in the corner but Grunge trips them up and takes both Brood members out with a double bulldog. A hiptoss into a double kind of powerbomb puts Gangrel down but not for a cover. Instead they hit the Quebecers’ old Cannonball move onto Gangrel but Christian runs in for the DQ. This was barely 90 seconds long.

Public Enemy leaves but gets a blood bath for their efforts.

During the break the Ministry beat up the Brood for losing the match.

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania. Val Venis, the champion, is on commentary. Billy can’t quite do the Outlaws entrance like Roadie can. It’s a brawl on the floor to start before we head inside. Billy misses a splash in the corner as Val makes a lot of sex jokes. The belly to belly gets two for Shamrock but Gunn comes back with a Fameasser. Shamrock looks…..how would you put it……he looks like a confused Sylvester Stallone.

Anyway Ken comes back up with a hard clothesline as Val makes erection jokes. The leg lariat sets up a standing rana on Billy, sending him to the floor. Val throws him back in but Shamrock jumps Val as a result. Gunn goes to the floor as well and the big brawl causes the match to be thrown out.

Rating: D+. Shamrock was good but the jokes on commentary sounded like they were from a 12 year old. The three way feud was interesting, but Billy wouldn’t wrestle either guy at Wrestlemania for reasons of Russo stupidity. This solved nothing but there are still several weeks until Wrestlemania.

Vince tries to talk Rock down but Rock will have none of it.

Here’s Women’s Champion Sable as her heel turns continues. Sable talks about how the fans aren’t taken aback by her recent actions, but rather they’re just in awe. She brags about being on Regis and Kathy Lee before stopping to talk to her obsessed fan Tori. This time Tori gets to come into the ring and introduce herself. Tori talks about all the things she admires about Sable but Sable calls her pathetic and says Tori needs to get a life.

As Tori is about to cry, here’s Luna to speak very humbly. She says that everyone can’t be as beautiful as Sable. Everyone has to play the cards they’re dealt but they don’t use people like Sable does. The only reason Sable is Women’s Champion is because of her looks. Well that and the willingness to take off her clothes for Playboy but that isn’t mentioned. Sable says she only cares about the men and Luna needs to reshuffle the deck if she doesn’t like her cards. As the champion is about to leave she lays out Luna and Tori with the belt.

Now Vince tries to talk Show down but he wants the shot tonight. He makes a good point by saying whoever wins, the belt will still be in the Corporation.

Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Owen and Jeff are tag champions and took out Brown’s partner Mark Henry recently. The champions jump Brown to start until we get down to just Jeff in the ring. A quick Sky High gets two on Jarrett but Owen comes in with a surprise bulldog to take over. Owen comes in legally and gets two off the enziguri before it’s back to Jeff for a middle rope ax handle to the face. Brown fights out of the corner and takes both champions down, but here are Terri and Jacqueline with the latter dropkicking Brown into a spinwheel kick from Owen for the pin.

Rating: D. Have I ever mentioned how much I can’t stand Jacqueline? Her mere presence brings a match downhill as she’s so ridiculously annoying that I hate the match that much more. The PMS vs. Brown feud would go on for far longer than anyone cared and would stop Brown’s momentum. The tag division was in such a mess at this point and it would take the Dudleys to save it.

Post match the champions beat down D’Lo.

Mankind practices being a referee in the back.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Paul Wight

Vince comes out to try to calm them down again and Mankind is guest referee. Rock tells Vince to go do commentary because he doesn’t want to be in the middle of this fight. The bell rings…..and it’s a setup as they both jump Mankind. Vince: “THIS IS FUN!”

Mankind gets beaten down by all three guys.

The Corporation celebrates post match.

Steve Blackman vs. Droz

Droz, who is just back from a two week suspension for attacking Kevin Kelly, jumps Blackman to start. A quick sunset flip gets two for Steve but a jumping elbow drop gets the same for Droz. Steve is sent to the floor as this match is hardly keeping people’s attention. Droz misses a middle rope elbow and Steve comes back with basic strikes. An elbow drop gets two for Blackman as does a powerslam for Droz. The bicycle kick gets the pin for Blackman.

Rating: D. Does this need an explanation? I didn’t think so.

Post match Droz lays out Blackman with Steve’s martial arts sticks.

Vince tells Kane to make Undertaker burn.

Undertaker gives one of those evil promos where he talks about serving his master. He isn’t afraid of the inferno match at all. There’s a surprise for Vince tonight.

Goldust vs. Val Venis

Non-title here. Goldust takes him down to start and pounds away in the corner, only to be run over by a Venis clothesline out of the corner. An elbow drop misses and Goldie goes after the knee with some kicks and a shinbreaker. Val comes back with some running knees into the ribs and a Russian legsweep for no cover. We get the bump and grind from Venis and a spinebuster gets no cover on Goldie. Val tries a leapfrog but crotches himself in the process, sending him out to the floor. Venis pulls him out as well as the Blue Meanie is here. With Goldust thrown back inside, Meanie lays Val out with a DDT, giving Goldust the pin.

Rating: D+. Again not much to see here but this would lead to the bizarre but perfectly appropriate for the time period feud between Goldust and Meanie, leading to Blue Dust. I don’t quite get the need for the champion to lose by (dirty) pin but it’s not like the title meant anything in 1999 anyway.

Shane models his new European Title for Chyna.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Bart Gunn

THE NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS BUBBLES A BIT! Yeah there’s no way this team could ever explode. Bob is defending coming in. Gunn starts with some left hands as we head to the outside. Bob cracks a glass or a jar over Bart’s head and grabs a chair. A hard shot to the head puts Bart down for no cover followed by a shot to the back. Bart comes back with a water pitcher of his own to Hardcore’s head followed by I think the bell.

They head into the crowd with Holly being rammed head first into a piece of the exposed barricade. Back to ringside and Holly blasts him with a spray from a fire extinguisher. Bart gets sent shoulder first into the steps but comes back with a suplex onto the ramp for two. Now Holly is sent into the steps and sprayed with the extinguisher for good measure. They head up the ramp with Bart being sent into the set under the Titantron.

Bart finds a watermelon for no apparent reason and breaks it open over Holly’s head. A piece of metal gets cracked over Holly’s back for no cover but he comes back with a low blow and, I kid you not, a crate of bananas to the head. Now Holly stops for a potassium fix and a trashcan shot to Bart’s head. They slug it out and Bart hits him in the head with a sack of flour. Now here’s a guy in kabuki attire to throw Bart off the stage and through a table, giving Holly the easy pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the rare hardcore matches where the whole thing is a mixture of brutal and fun at the same time, making for a good match. Bart wasn’t around long other than to get DESTROYED by Butterbean at Wrestlemania while Holly would do the same bit for years on end.

X-Pac vs. Chyna

If Pac wins he gets a title shot at Shane at Mania. HHH is with Pac to counter Shane but Chyna hits X-Pac low almost immediately. Trips chases Shane around ringside as Chyna misses a Bronco Buster. Now X-Pac chases Shane, allowing HHH to come in and hit Chyna with a Pedigree, giving Pac the easy pin. Angle, not a match.

Austin will be on Nash Bridges on Friday. His character on there was so popular they considered giving him his own spinoff.

Here’s Vince again with what looks to be a rolled up paper in his hand. He says that if anyone doesn’t like the smell of burning flesh, leave now. He’s holding the envelope that Undertaker gave him last week and shouts about how no one goes after Vince outside the WWF.

Kane vs. Undertaker

As mentioned, this is an inferno match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire and you have to light your opponent up to win. Vince sits in on commentary and refuses to talk about what’s in the envelope. Kane jumps Taker to start and the flames go up. Taker hits Old School and the flames go up every time something hits the mat. Kane fights off an attempt to put him in the fire and kicks Taker in the face. A powerslam puts Taker down again and Kane chokes away a bit.

Kane fires off some uppercuts as Taker is next to the ropes. The camera shots are mainly from ground level so it’s really hard to see through the fire. Paul Bearer shows up at ringside with a box for Vince. Taker is sent hard into the corner as Vince won’t open his present. Vince finally opens the box (“We can put Undertaker’s ashes in here.”) and finds….a teddy bear.

McMahon gets up from the table and looks up at Undertaker while walking at Paul. He asks Paul what he’s doing with the bear as Taker is thrown over the flames and out to the floor. Kane misses a dive off the top and hits the announce table as Vince stares at the bear. Vince looks broken as Taker is sent into the steps. Kane tries a big boot but Taker grabs the foot and puts it in the fire for the win.

Rating: D. This was barely a wrestling match as the majority of it was spent on a bear that was delivered to a billionaire by a former mortician. Did I mention this is the height of Russo’s influence? At the same time though, it’s also near the height of the show’s ratings, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone. The match barely existed.

Post match Taker takes the bear and burns it, bringing Vince to his knees to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a hard one to grade. They’re starting the build up for Wrestlemania, but all the insane drama with the Undertaker and Vince lead to such a ridiculous conclusion that it’s hard to take this seriously. That being said, when this was first happening, I was glued to the TV set every Monday watching this and being very grateful that Nitro had a replay just after Raw ended. The show wasn’t terrible but it was all drama and little action, making it a typical 1999 Raw.

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XV: Russo At His….Best?

Wrestlemania XV
Date: March 28, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 20,276
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is a somewhat forgotten show and it’s pretty easy to see why: there isn’t much on here worth seeing. We’re full into Russo era now which means things are going to go REALLY fast but they’ll be changing so rapidly that there’s almost no lasting impact. The main event here is Austin facing Rock to get back the WWF Title that was unfairly stolen from him in the fall. That’s also pretty much the only match anyone remembers from the show. Let’s get to it.

Boyz II Men sing America the Beautiful. To say this is better than last year’s metal version of it is the understatement of the year.

The opening video is about stars of today becoming legends and how tonight is their night. The show is called the Showcase of the Immortals, which it is still called to this day.

Hardcore Title: Billy Gunn vs. Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly

So for months leading up to this show, Billy Gunn had been chasing the IC Title and Road Dogg had been chasing the Hardcore Title. Before either of them got the big win, Russo thought it was a good idea to switch those things up and give them the opposite title than they were looking for. You know, because THAT MAKES SENSE. Gunn is defending if that wasn’t clear.

Billy tries to do his intro but Snow jumps him from behind. Holly jumps both of them and clotheslines Gunn inside out. Snow and Holly, the only people who actually have business in this match, go to the floor to annoy the Spanish broadcasters. Gunn follows them and is whipped knees first into the steps. That looked painful. Snow and Bob fight up the aisle with Holly hitting a suplex onto the concrete. Billy comes back and sends Snow into the steps but Al breaks up a piledriver attempt on Bob.

Snow finds a hockey stick from under the ring for no apparent reason and starts beating up both guys. The fans cheer for the Flyers as Billy uses a Gatorade bucket for good measure. Billy gets the stick and breaks it over his challengers’ backs before going back inside. Snow comes in with a broom to pound away on both guys and take over. Gunn brings in a chair but gets beaten down by a piece of the broom. Al uses the chair to load up some Poetry in Motion in the corner but he can only hit Gunn.

Holly sends Billy to the floor but gets dropped onto the barricade for his efforts. Snow hits them both with Head but pulls out a table instead of going for a cover. The table is set up in the corner but Holly clotheslines his way to safety. Billy comes back with a shot to Bob’s head and throws Snow through the table. The Fameasser onto a chair knocks Snow sane but Holly hits Gunn in the back with a chair and steals the pin on Snow for the title.

Rating: C-. This was fine but again, what sounds better: Road Dogg against two other hardcore experts or Billy Gunn who has had about two weeks in the division? The match here was nothing of note though as it was just the three of them hitting each other with the same spots we’ve seen a hundred times before. Nothing to see here for the mots part but it was a good enough opener.

Test and D’Lo Brown were the final two people in a battle royal on the Heat before the PPV, meaning they get a tag title shot. Seriously, that’s how weak the division is at this point.

Tag Titles: D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

The challengers fight with each other before the match starts. Owen and Jeff have Debra with them who is in a jacket and bikini. From the neck down she’s not bad at all. It’s a brawl to start and Test hits a fast big boot to take over. Brown and Jarrett get things going officially and D’Lo hits some fast clotheslines. Jeff charges into an elbow and it’s off to Test. He’s part of the Corporate Team while Brown has no connection to them whatsoever. A powerbomb gets two on Owen but he comes back with an enziguri, only to have Brown break up the Sharpshooter attempt.

Brown comes in legally and hits the shaky head legdrop for no cover but Jeff knees Brown in the back to give Owen an opening. A spinwheel kick puts D’Lo down for no cover as it’s back to Jarrett. Brown comes back with a double clothesline to both champions and hits something resembling a Sky High on Jeff. There’s no cover though as the managers (Ivory for the challengers) are fighting. In the distraction, Owen hits a missile dropkick on Brown to give Jeff the retaining pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok enough but when the challengers are formed into a team 30 minutes before the match, it’s a little difficult to get behind a match like this. The tag division was BEGGING for something to save them here but it wouldn’t be until the fall when the Dudleys finally showed up and made the division worth something for a few more years.

Test and D’Lo fight on the floor which has no one caring at all.

We recap Butterbean vs. Bart Gun in a Brawl For All fight. Oh where do I even begin? So Bart Gunn shocked all of eight people (as in the amount of people that cared) by winning the shoot fight Brawl For All tournament back in the summer. This led to a REAL fight against a REAL world boxing champion here. You know, EIGHT MONTHS after he won the tournament.

Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean

The guest referee is Vinnie Pazienza, former world Middleweight Champion. The judges are boxing trainer Kevin Rooney, Chuck Wepner and Gorilla Monsoon, who would be dead soon after this. He looks AWFUL here as he’s lost about 200lbs due to illness. This would be his final public appearance. Bart is introduced as being from western Kentucky. That’s probably accurate as there aren’t many large towns over there so pinning it down to one single town is hardly an option.

I’d explain the rules and scoring here, but Butterbean DESTROYS Bart and knocks him down twice in 35 seconds. The second is as brutal of a punch as you’ll ever see. For the life of me I have NO IDEA what they were thinking here. I could watch Bart Gunn get knocked out like that for hours.

The San Diego Chicken is here in Philadelphia here for no apparent reason so Pazienza beats him up.

We recap Big Show beating up Mankind on Heat. They’re fighting tonight to get to referee the main event. Austin could be seen watching this in the back for some reason.

Mankind says that he’s done everything asked of him to be in the main event of Wrestlemania, but they keep throwing more stuff at him. If he has to beat Big Show, that’s what he has to do.

Big Show vs. Mankind

The winner gets to referee the title match tonight. Big Show already cost Mankind the world title on Raw a few weeks ago and Mankind is banged up coming into this. Mankind pounds away to start but is easily sent out to the floor by the power of the giant. Mankind is all cool with a brawl though and he sends Big Show head first into the steps. A DDT is broken up by Show though and the guy in a mask tastes the steps as well.

Back in and Show chops him down before hitting a Russian legsweep for no cover. Mankind gets in a shot and loads up the Claw, only to be sent flying for a second. The Claw goes on but Show headbutts him down with ease. Back to the Claw and a low blow is enough to keep the hold on for a bit.

Despite being in a former world champion’s hold for about a minute straight, Show gets Mankind on his back and crashes down onto Foley to break the hold. Foley’s ribs are messed up bad now and Show stomps away even more. They head to the floor and Show hits him in the ribs with a chair….and that’s not a DQ. Show throws two chairs into the ring and sets them up. He chokeslams Mankind through both chairs and THAT is enough for the DQ.

Rating: D. Yeah this sucked. This would fall into the category of matches that were overbooked to overbook another match. If that doesn’t sum up the Russo Era in a nutshell, I’m not sure what does. The match sucked on top of all that, as it was a very slow power brawl. Foley would take awhile to get back into form but at this point he was just kind of going through the motions.

Post match Vince comes out to yell at Big Show but has to talk his way out of a chokeslam. That’s the least of his problems though as Big Show knocks Vince out cold with a right hand. The Stooges carry Vince to the back as Foley is taken out on a stretcher.

In the back, Vince wants the cops called.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Goldust vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis

Dogg is defending and this under elimination rules. Goldust has Ken’s sister Ryan as well as Blue Meanie with him. A rana sends Goldust to the floor in the opening melee until we get down to Shamrock vs. Dogg as there are tags in this. Dogg gets in some right hands and a dropkick to Shamrock before bringing in Goldie to pound away on Ken. Venis replaces Shamrock and escapes the Curtain Call.

A spinebuster gets two on Goldust but he comes back with a clothesline to take Val down for two. Goldust loads up a superplex but slips off the rope, allowing Val to bulldog him down for two. A fisherman’s suplex gets two for Val but after they collide in the corner, Val’s face meets Goldie’s crotch. Shamrock comes in to DDT Goldust but Dogg DDTs Venis at the same time, putting both guys out.

Goldust covers Venis for two and Shamrock is furious at the kickout. Did I mention Val slept with Ken’s sister of whom Ken is VERY protective? Dogg comes in illegally and pounds away on Val before doing the same on Dogg. The shaky kneedrop hits Shamrock for good measure but Val suplexes the champion down for two. Roadie comes back with the simulated anal rape pumphandle slam to Val before Shamrock puts Venis in the ankle lock.

Val somehow makes the rope and backdrops Shamrock to the floor. Venis goes out after him and it’s a lame double countout to get us down to two. Shamrock comes back in anyway and beats up everyone left in the match while screaming and dropping a lot of F Bombs. Ryan trips Goldust for no apparent reason whatsoever, allowing Roadie to roll him up for the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Decent match until the ending fell flat. Here’s Russo’s booking in a nutshell: take Billy Gunn, as in the guy that started the whole mess with Ryan out and replace him with Road Dogg who only has the title in this whole mess. That leaves you with Ken as the jealous brother along with Val as guy who loved her and left her, and Goldust as the freak perverting Ryan’s mind.

Then you give us Goldust and Dogg to finish things, despite them having no history of problems at all, unlike Billy and any of the three, who had been fighting for months. See the REALLY big issue here? Goldust would win the title the next night, making this even stupider. You know, because you want to change the title on Raw, not AT WRESTLEMANIA or someplace worthless like that.

Big Show is arrested, another Russo trope.

We recap HHH vs. Kane. Chyna had turned on DX and joined the Corporation I believe late last year. A few weeks before this she was holding HHH for a fireball shot from Kane, only to take it herself. HHH standing up for the honor of his friend who isn’t his friend anymore because she turned on him. As an act of friendship, HHH painted himself gold and wore a flowery robe while imitating a crossdresser and launched a flamethrower at Kane, burning him again.

HHH vs. Kane

Kane is in the Corporation against his will at this point. As Kane makes his entrance, here’s the San Diego Chicken from earlier to jump Kane. He’s quickly unbeaked and it’s Pete Rose again to continue the running joke from last year. At least he used to play in Philly so there’s a connection to the town. After that ends, HHH sneaks through the crowd and hits Kane low to start, which actually hurts him now as opposed to previous attempts at it.

HHH pounds away to start but Kane keeps shoving him away. Kane charges into a backdrop to the floor though and they fight on the floor for a bit. Kane accidentally clotheslines the post and is sent HARD into the steps. A baseball slide puts Kane into the barricade before they head back inside. Kane boots HHH down and throws him right back to the floor. HHH climbs the steps but gets grabbed by the throat and crotched on the barricade. The Mean Street Posse is here for no apparent reason.

Kane rams the future Game’s back into the post a few times before we head back in again. HHH gets slugged down in the corner and an uppercut keeps him down even longer. There’s a big leg for two and HHH is in trouble. He gets shoved out to the floor again and Kane DIVES over the top to take him out again, getting almost no reaction from the crowd at all. Back in and HHH breaks up the top rope clothesline with a beal off the top.

HHH slugs away and hits a Pedigree to stagger Kane. The jumping knee to the face puts Kane down and here’s Chyna. The tombstone and Pedigree are both escaped and Chyna slides in the steps. Both guys are down from something we didn’t see due to the camera being on Chyna but it’s Kane up first. He picks up the steps but Trips kicks them back into his face. Yes, he did something not involving his knees.

HHH hits a DDT onto the steps and clotheslines Kane to the floor. How has there not been a DQ yet? A Pedigree onto the steps is easily countered and we head inside where Kane hits the chokeslam. Instead of covering though, Kane lets Chyna come in with a chair. She hits Kane with it though, turning again and drawing a DQ in the process.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but HHH wasn’t quite ready to hang in a feud like this. He was on the rise, but it would take the street fight at the Rumble to make HHH into a guy that could hang in a fight like this and make it look believable. Chyna turning was a feel good moment but it would wind up being rather stupid in the end. The match wasn’t bad, but much like everything else tonight it’s forgettable.

HHH saves Chyna with some chair shots and a Pedigree on the chair.

Vince says he’ll referee the title match tonight. Again notice that all these angles are being used on the PPV that we already bought rather than to get people to buy the PPV that was already purchased.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori

This is just after Sable turned heel. She’s defending against a psycho fan named Tori here who would wind up sleeping with X-Pac and Kane. Sable won’t let her get in so she dances a bit. Tori, wearing a Catwoman/Giant Gonzalez body suit, pulls the champion to the floor and sends her into the apron a few times, only to get kicked in the ribs by Sable. You can actually see people coming in and going out with food in hand during this match.

Sable dives off the apron to take Tori out before we head back inside. Tori comes back with some shots to the face and a bad looking sunset flip. They BADLY screw up a backslide which gets two on Sable before a bad looking cross body takes out the referee. Cue Nicole Bass who makes Chyna look like a 12 year old girl to slam Tori down. She tells Sable to pin her and the title is retained off a Sable Bomb.

Rating: F. Do I need to explain this one? I didn’t think so. Tori makes Aksana look like Trish and Lita combined if that tells you anything. They sloppiness in this match was cringe worthy and Sable continues to not be able to do anything of note in the ring other than shake her hips and take her clothes off. Nothing to see here at all.

We recap Shane vs. X-Pac. Basically Shane has no idea what to do in the ring but thanks to the Corporation he took the European Title in a tag match. This led to some humorous skits about how tough the streets of Greenwich, Connecticut were and how Shane is the kind of the streets. Shane challenged Pac to a Greenwich street fight on Raw, allowing the Mean Street Posse to help beat up X-Pac. Tonight is about revenge.

X-Pac says he’ll win because Chyna has come home.

European Title: Shane McMahon vs. X-Pac

Test is with the champion Shane here and the Stooges jump Pac in the aisle for good measure. Pac fights them off with ease and we’re ready to go. Shane imitates a bad car by stalling a lot and the chase is on. Back inside and Shane gets a nice leapfrog but gets kicked in the face to take him down. Pac loads up the Bronco Buster but Test makes the save before the Buster can hit. Shane heads up the ramp but can’t get away as the challenger brings him back to ringside. Test throws X-Pac into the post and Shane gets a breather in the ring.

McMahon pounds away on X-Pac in the corner and slams him down to set up a Corporate Elbow. Pac rolls away though, only to get caught by a low blow. Shane gets Test’s belt and whips Pac’s back as Cole talks about Shane getting disqualified. X-Pac sends him to the floor and there’s the big dive to take the champion out. The Posse tries to interfere but gets beaten down for their efforts. An elbow puts X-Pac down back in the ring and a middle rope variety keeps him down. Shane goes up top but takes too long, allowing the Greenwich grapefruits to get crotched.

There’s a superplex but Test breaks up the pin. X-Pac takes Test out and whips Shane with the belt for some revenge. Now the Bronco Buster hits but Test knocks Pac out with the title belt. That gets two for Shane but his own Bronco Buster misses. Test comes in for the 58th time but gets hit with a Bronco Buster of his own. Cue HHH and Chyna…..who turn on X-Pac, joining the Corporation, THIRTY MINUTES AFTER THEY REUNITED IN DX. The Pedigree on X-Pac lets Shane keep the title.

Rating: D. In less than nine minutes, we had six people interfere, two different belts being used, a low blow, about five interferences by Test, and two people turning on X-Pac. This is all for a midcard title match with a guy that can’t wrestle getting to keep the title from the fan favorite. Ladies and gentlemen, VINCE FREAKING RUSSO!!! The match sucked for the most part but Pac did what he could.

The Outlaws come out for a save but get beaten down for good measure, because you fans aren’t allowed to cheer. Now cue KANE to chase off the Corporation, basically turning face in the process. There’s such a thing as WAY overthinking things and this is a good example of it.

We recap Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man. Basically Undertaker has gone cuckoo and is trying to take over the company while impersonating Satan. This led to a cross being burned on Vince’s lawn and Stephanie’s teddy bear being burned. Taker beat up Vince but Boss Man made the save. This leads to Hell in a Cell tonight, because that recap clearly is enough for a Cell match right?

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Inside the Cell. In 1999. Just go with it. Boss Man DOESN’T EVEN GET AN ENTRANCE. WOW they’re not even trying to hide that this is going to be one sided are they? Boss Man pounds away in the corner and Taker does the same for good measure. A clothesline puts Boss Man down for two as the uninspired stuff continues. Boss Man gets the same for two but a boot to the chest is blocked by Undertaker. They head to the floor with Boss Man being slammed into the Cell. Cole: “This is such a dangerous match. YOU CAN GET A FINGER CAUGHT IN THERE!” Just go with it.

Anyway Boss Man comes back with more punches to the face and handcuffs him to the cage. On the floor, as in where you can’t get a win. Boss Man pounds away with the stick as the fans are REALLY not impressed. Undertaker falls down and the cuff is broken off the wall. Well that was rather pointless.

Taker is almost kind of maybe bleeding as he pulls out a chair. This is really boring so far. Boss Man goes face first into the wall as the fans are booing now. Taker hits the jumping clothesline but Old School is broken up, sending the Dead Man out to the floor again. Back in and the Tombstone is countered, only for the second attempt to hit a few seconds later.

Rating: F. No. Where’s the real Cell match? You don’t go from Shawn vs. Taker to “He may he broken in half” to this. That doesn’t work and there’s no reason to assume it does work. This was a terribly boring match with the tiniest trickle of blood you can have while still officially having blood. Horrible match that would have been bad as a first hour match on Raw, let alone the next to last match on WRESTLEMANIA.

Post match the Brood lowers from the ceiling and breaks into the top of the Cell, lowering a noose into the ring. Boss Man is hung from the top of the cage in an unnecessary visual.

We recap Austin vs. the Corporation. Austin drove McMahon crazy for most of 1998 before Vince FINALLY got the title off of him in the fall. Rock won the vacant title by turning Corporate and becoming the Corporate Champion. Austin was screwed out of the Royal Rumble, but Shawn Michaels changed sides and gave Austin the title shot at Wrestlemania anyway.

Jim Ross comes out to call the main event. He’s returning from a bout with Bell’s palsy.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Vince is guest referee due to the issues earlier tonight. Oh wait here’s Shawn Michaels, the Commissioner, to say that Vince isn’t referee and that it’s going to be a normal referee. The Corporation is barred from ringside as well. Rock is defending if that wasn’t really clear. The place of course goes INSANE for Austin, who for some reason is in an Austin t-shirt instead of the trademark vest. It’s a brawl to start as you would expect with Austin being knocked out to the floor and sent into the announce table. Apparently Vince does have the power to make this No DQ.

Back in for more punching by Rock but he gets backdropped up and over to the floor a second later. They brawl into the crowd where we can barely see them but it’s Philly so it has to be expected. Austin blasts the Rock in the back and they head back to ringside. Scratch that as they’re already going back into the crowd on the other side of the arena. Back to ringside again and Austin is choked with a cable for a bit.

Now they fight up the aisle with Austin hitting a fast clothesline. Austin loads up a piledriver on the concrete, only to be backdropped onto a light instead. Rock is thrown into some kind of equipment and they clothesline each other. Now it’s Rock being choked by a cable and then being thrown into the Wrestlemania XV sign, which wobbles in a scary sight. Rock suplexes Austin in the aisle and spits some water in his face at the announce table. Austin drops him face first onto the barricade before laying him on the announce table for an elbow drop which doesn’t break anything.

The second attempt at an elbow puts Rock through the table and we head back into the ring after about eight minutes of brawling. Wait Rock bails to the floor and wraps Austin’s bad knee around the post. They’re still not ready to stay in the ring as Austin sends Rock into the steps and stomps away a bit more. NOW we head back inside but Austin walks into the Rock Bottom for two. Rock brings in a chair but Austin takes it away and cracks the referee with it by mistake.

A Stunner is blocked and Rock elbows Austin down before laying him out with the chair. Another referee comes in for a two count off a chair shot to the head. Off to a chinlock for an understandably needed breather. Austin fights back up, only to be clotheslined right back down. Back to el chinlock but they fight up again, only for the referee to go down AGAIN. The Stunner hits but Earl Hebner runs down for a very close two. Here’s Vince again as Austin gets a fresh chair.

The distraction lets Rock hit Austin low to block a chair shot and Vince gets in as well. Vince drops Hebner and it’s a double team beatdown on Austin. Cue a hobbled Mick Foley to beat up Vince and count a fast two on Rock. The Thesz Press takes Rock down but Rock comes back with a clothesline and another Rock Bottom. Austin avoids the Elbow, fights out of another Rock Bottom, and Stuns his way to a third world title.

Rating: B-. This one really depends on your taste. They didn’t try to have a regular match here at all and maybe that was the right idea. It’s definitely the weakest of the Austin vs. Rock at Wrestlemania trilogy but Rock wasn’t ready to hang with Austin in a match like this year. The rematch at Backlash would be AWESOME to make up for this, but even this wasn’t bad. It’s very typical of the time, which doesn’t make it dull. This was definitely entertaining, but it’s certainly not for everyone.

Austin celebrates for a LONG time post match and stuns Vince for good measure to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Austin vs. Rock is definitely worth seeing, but the fact that I couldn’t think of a single match other than that one when I was getting ready to do this one says a lot. The show is completely forgettable because of how fast everything was moving out there. That doesn’t make it entertaining, but rather bad most of the time and one of the worst Wrestlemanias ever.

Ratings Comparison

Hardcore Holly vs. Billy Gunn vs. Al Snow

Original: D+

Redo: C-

D’Lo Brown/Test vs. Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett

Original: F+

Redo: C-

Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Mankind vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Road Dogg vs. Goldust vs. Val Venis

Original: D

Redo: C

Kane vs. HHH

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Tori vs. Sable

Original: F

Redo: F

X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon

Original: C+

Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

Original: H (For holy goodness why was this a Cell match?)

Redo: F

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D

Individual ratings aside, it still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/22/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-15-this-is-the-best-they-can-do/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Full Listings For Best of In Your House DVD

Due out April 30.Disc 1

Simplistic Yet Brilliant

Bret Hart vs. Hakushi
In Your House • May 14, 1995

Intercontinental Championship Match
Jeff Jarrett vs. Shawn Michaels
In Your House • July 23, 1995

Hey Yo

Intercontinental Championship Match
Razor Ramon vs. Dean Douglas
In Your House • October 22, 1995

Arkansas Hog Pen Match
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Henry O. Godwinn
In Your House • December 17, 1995

A Sloppy Masterpiece?

WWE Championship Match
Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog
In Your House • December 17, 1995

Disc 2

Memories Flooding Back

No Holds Barred Match for the WWE Championship
Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel
In Your House: Good Friends, Better Enemies • April 28, 1996

WWE Championship Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind
In Your House: Mind Games • September 22, 1996

That’s Why They Play The Game

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
In Your House: Buried Alive • October 20, 1996

Buried Alive Match
The Undertaker vs. Mankind
In Your House: Buried Alive • October 20, 1996

Crowning a New Champion

Four Corners Match for the Vacant WWE Championship
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart vs. Vader vs. The Undertaker
In Your House: Final Four • February 16, 1997

Disc 3

Back in the Saddle

10-Man Tag Team Match
The Hart Foundation vs. Steve Austin, Ken Shamrock, Goldust & The Legion of Doom
In Your House: Canadian Stampede • July 6, 1997

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker
Ground Zero: In Your House • September 7, 1997

A Slobberknocker

Non-Sanctioned 8-Man Tag Team Match
Stone Cold Steven Austin, Owen Hart, Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie vs. HHH, The New Age Outlaws & Savio Vega
No Way Out of Texas: In Your House • February 15, 1998

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Stone Cold Steve Austin & The Undertaker vs. Mankind & Kane
Fully Loaded: In Your House • July 26, 1998

Intercontinental Championship Match
Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind
Judgment Day: In Your House • October 18, 1998

Victory at All Costs

Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship
The Rock vs. Mankind
St. Valentine’s Day Massacre • February 14, 1999

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Blu-ray Exclusives

Todd Pettengill Outtakes

In Your House Sweepstakes Winner

#1 Contenders Match
Bret Hart vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
In Your House: Revenge of the ‘Taker • April 20, 1997

Match to crown first WWE Light Heavyweight Champion
Taka Michinoku vs. Brian Christopher
D-Generation X: In Your House • December 7, 1997

WWE Championship Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Ken Shamrock
D-Generation X: In Your House • December 7, 1997

D’Lo Brown vs. X-Pac
Fully Loaded: In Your House • July 26, 1998

Credit: WWEDVDNews.com

 

There are some GEMS on here, including Michaels vs. Mankind (released before), Shawn vs. Diesel (might have been released before), the 10 man tag (I’m almost sure that’s been out before) and the Four Way from Final Four which is a forgotten classic.  I’m very happy with this one.




On This Day: January 13, 2000 – Smackdown: When HHH Was Amazing

Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2000
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 13,253
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is another request that I don’t remember the reason behind. This is right around the Rumble so I’d bet on there being a lot of hype for the show. We’re in a good time for the company as 2000 is probably the best year the company has ever had, which is saying a lot as they had some solid years around this point. I have no idea what to expect here so let’s get to it.

The opening video is from Raw with Rock demanding that HHH and Stephanie reinstate Mick Foley before the entire roster walks out. Rock also demanded an eight man tag with DX vs. the Acolytes and Rock N Sock Connection. DX walked out on HHH for some reason and Foley got Pedigreed through the table and in the ring for the pin. Mankind came back and beat HHH up anyway.

Cue HHH and Stephanie to open the show. Stephanie says she wants to clear something up: no Superstars are leaving this company because the two of them have righted the wrongs. Why would anyone ever want to leave? Their doors are always open and they’re always fair. Stephanie says she’s the ONLY McMahon running things in this company.

HHH says that he needs to get something off his chest. He needs to apologize, but it’s not to the fans or to the guys that were going to walk out on Monday. HHH is their world champion and it’s for the fans. He will however apologize to DX. HHH talks about trying to show DX tough love and getting tough love in exchange when they walked out on him.

He wants to right the wrongs tonight, so it’s the Outlaws vs. Bradshaw in a No DQ handicap match. If Farrooq interferes, the Acolytes lose their title shot at the Rumble. The Outlaws get to have the same match with Farrooq too. As for X-Pac, tonight he’s teaming up with HHH to face Big Show and The Rock. As for Mick Foley, on Monday he was left in a puddle of blood. That’s just a taste of what’s coming at the Rumble in New York City. HHH has nothing to do right now, so get out here Foley.

Here’s Foley but it’s a fake. The fake one kneels before HHH and begs for mercy until the real Mankind comes out. He talks about how HHH has tried to take away his job and his dignity, but then on Monday he took away the best night of his career. HHH bloodied him and ruined his shirt. On Monday as the cool water of the shower hit him, he realized that Mankind may be entertaining and a good author, he’s not ready to face HHH in a street fight at the Royal Rumble.

However, the fans deserve a replacement, and that replacement is here tonight. Foley takes off the mask and rips open his shirt, revealing the Cactus Jack WANTED DEAD shirt. Cactus says that his first official act as a part of the WWF is kicking HHH’s teeth all over Chicago. He pounds HHH down in the corner (in what I believe Foley called the best punches he ever threw) and shrugs off a chair shot from the Fake Foley. HHH bails as the other one gets beaten up. Cactus says he’ll bleed at the Rumble but he’s going to beat HHH all over New York City and take the WWF Title from him. AWESOME segment here.

New Age Outlaws vs. Bradshaw

Road Dogg runs down the fans for not getting the catchphrase right. Bradshaw throws powder at the Outlaws who amazingly don’t snort it. Billy gets thrown into the steps and Billy is clotheslined to the floor. Bradshaw puts the steps in the ring and sets up a piledriver to Billy on said steps but Road Dogg saves with a chair shot. The double beating goes on until Bradshaw fights back in vain. Bradshaw kicks the chair into Roadie’s face but as he goes to slam Billy, Road Dogg chairs him in the head with Billy falling on top for the pin.

Here’s Rock in the back who welcomes this new guy named Jonathan Coachman to the WWF. Coach says he’s called Coach which Rock doesn’t like. Rock says it doesn’t matter if he’s teaming with Big Show or Big Bird, he’ll win. It doesn’t matter how Coach got the name Coach and that’s about it.

Too Cool/Rikishi vs. Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly/Al Snow

This was during Snow’s questionable heel turn phase. Hardcore and Grandmaster start us off and Holly is taken over by a hip toss. Off to Crash who gets the same treatment. Scotty comes in and things speed up. A kind of pumphandle slam puts Crash down and it’s Worm time. Snow pulls Scotty to the floor and Hardcore takes over on him. The former racecar dude jumps into a boot and it’s hot tag Rikishi. A one man 3D kills Crash but Hardcore dropkicks him down. Snow gets crotched on the post as the Rikishi Driver ends Crash.

Rating: D+. Not much here but the fans popped big for Rikishi and his dancing pals. For the life of me I don’t get the point of making him a heel. I mean…..why would anyone do that? The match was nothing of note but it filled in about five minutes which is the right idea I guess. Nothing much to see here though.

Snow beats up the Hollies with Head. Too Cool and Rikishi dance.

HHH congratulates the Outlaws but they don’t know where X-Pac is.

Clip of Cactus Jack in Japan being all psycho. Good thing they had this ready just in case he transformed isn’t it?

Test vs. Gangrel

Test has a broken nose or something like that coming in here. He starts off fast but walks into a belly to belly. Test gets sent to the floor where Luna attacks. Back in and Gangrel gets crushed by the gutwrench powerbomb but Luna distracts referee Teddy Long. There’s the full nelson slam but Luna pulls the referee to the floor and decks him. She jumps on Test and gets spanked for her efforts. The match is thrown out and that’s probably a good thing.

Test beats up both of them post match.

Jericho and Chyna are in the back and try to make up after losing in a tag match on Monday.

Hardy Boys vs. Big Bossman/Prince Albert

This is before Lita joined the team so it’s Terri with them here. Albert is currently known as Tensai. He and Jeff get us going with Jeff having to evade a lot. Off to Matt for some successful double teaming on the current Japanese enthusiast. Albert gets Matt up for a spinning rack neckbreaker and it’s off to Bossman. He beats Matt down even more and kidnaps Terri which goes nowhere. Everything breaks down and Jeff avoids a charging Albert, sending him into Bossman. Albert and Bossman had been arguing a lot lately so while they fight some more, Jeff dropkicks Bossman into Alberto and rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here really but it was all about splitting up Albert and Bossman for good, which needed to be done. Bossman would do nothing of note while Albert would join T&A which gave us some very hot shots of Trish Stratus. The match was nothing of note though and was just there as a means to an end.

Big Show wants to face HHH but says he doesn’t like being called a jabroni by Rock. Maybe he’ll win the Rumble instead of Rock.

Chyna goes up to Tori (not Wilson) and has bad news for her. I guess we’ll get more on that later.

Kurt Angle/Steve Blackman vs. Edge/Christian

Angle is VERY new here, having about three months under his belt at this point. Edge and Blackman get us going with Edge dominating through a lot of dropkicks. Off to Christian vs. Angle with the Olympian getting run over. Christian misses a charge and runs into the post to give the cannon fodder control. It’s so weird to see Angle as a rookie like this and the lowest level guy as far as accomplishments go. Angle hooks a quick chinlock but the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT by Christian. Blackman fires off some kicks to Edge….and here’s Val Venis. He plays with Blackman’s kendo stick so Edge can hit a German for the pin.

Rating: D. I have no idea what the point of this was as I don’t remember Blackman vs. Val at all and I have no idea why this would have been a feud at all. Angle would become the first big star out of this with Edge close behind him and again it’s weird to see something like this with both of them being lower midcard guys. The match was nothing.

Chyna is talking to Tori in the back still and says that Jericho is crossing a line. He’s been looking at Tori apparently and maybe Kane, Tori’s boyfriend, should kill Jericho as long as it’s not for the co-owned IC Title that Jericho and Chyna share. Tori freaks out and agrees.

Clip of Cactus diving into a dumpster and getting shoved off the stage.

New Age Outlaws vs. Farrooq

Farrooq jumps them both to start but the numbers catch up with him quickly. Billy hits a Jackhammer and the shaky knee gets the pin with Billy helping out. This wasn’t even 90 seconds.

Bradshaw runs out with a pipe for the save.

DX is still looking for X-Pac.

D’Lo Brown/Godfather vs. Headbangers

What is with all the tag matches tonight? An orange logo pops up on screen with a 13 in the middle and says the mood is about to change. That would wind up being Taz. Godfather asks if the Headbangers are gay but Mosh says Godfather’s problem is that they look better than his ladies. Mosh and Brown get us going but both quickly tag. Godfather runs Thrasher over and hits the spinning legdrop. Brown comes back in for a double suplex The Bangers double team D’Lo but since they don’t recognize, it’s quickly back to Godfather for the Ho Train. Low Down gets the quick pin. This was basically a squash.

Big Show and Rock are in the back and Big Show doesn’t want Rock in his way tonight. Rock says Big Show is a worthy opponent but he’ll never be People’s Champion. HHH can have the back of his hand while X-Pac has the front during the beatdown tonight. Rock is just CRAZY over here.

More Classic Cactus shows him winning a random hardcore match over Mideon and Viscera.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Pre-match Jericho runs his mouth of course, saying that he doesn’t find Tori attractive and you’d have to be stupid to do so. The beating begins as Chyna is watching in the back with a big smile on her face. Kane grabs him to start but Jericho comes back with the forearm….which does nothing at all. A powerbomb puts the Canadian down and a shoulder sends Jericho to the floor.

Kane mixes it up and tries a clothesline off the steps but Jericho ducks. They go to the apron with Jericho dropkicking Kane to the floor. Jericho finally gets a breather by hitting a drop toehold onto the steps. Back in the missile dropkick looks to set up the Walls but the Kat (Chyna’s implied lesbian worship slave) comes out to steal the IC belt. The distraction lets the chokeslam and tombstone get the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing here but these two had some chemistry together at times. The co-champions angle didn’t really work but it was certainly a unique idea. Kane would move on to feud with X-Pac over Tori while Jericho would have crazy good matches with Angle and Benoit for like ever.

X-Pac is here, making the whole “where is he” stuff from earlier mean nothing. Pac isn’t worried about tonight but doesn’t like having to get beaten up every week. HHH says trust him.

X-Pac/HHH vs. Big Show/The Rock

HHH tries to drive a wedge between his opponents by saying Rock has to come out last to get the big pop because of his ego. Big Show looks mad before starting with HHH. Show pounds him down and hits a headbutt before stomping away in the corner. He refuses to tag Rock so when he calls for the chokeslam, Rock tags himself in. Off to Pac and Rock destroys him, throwing him to the outside. Spinebuster to HHH looks to set up the Elbow but Pac hits him in the back with a chair.

Pac comes in but the Bronco Buster is killed by a clothesline. Rock takes a spinwheel kick for two and it’s back to HHH. DX tags off a few times until HHH walks into a DDT. Rock crawls over to Big Show but the big man walks out on him, officially turning heel. A low blow and Pedigree get the pin on Rock.

Rating: D+. Nothing much to see here as this was much more about the angle than the match. Rock vs. HHH would obviously be a bigger deal later on in the year and would go on to produce one of the best feuds of all time. Big Show would turn face again just after Wrestlemania. That guy must hold a record for most turns.

Post match Big Show chokeslams Rock to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst show ever but it had an excellent opener to start things off. The Rumble would wind up being awesome and almost everything here touched on matches there other than Hardys vs. Dudleys but I can live with that. The opening segment is legendary and it is for a reason, as it worked perfectly. Not a good show for the most part but it had its moments.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Royal Rumble Count-Up: 2013 Redo – 1999: Disturbing To Watch For Multiple Reasons

Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

As much as last year’s show was a necessary evil, this show is just evil in general. The company is firing on all cylinders right now but it’s much more about drama than anything else. Mankind won the world title in a shocker 20 days before this, beating the Rock in an impromptu match on Raw. Tonight is the rematch in an I Quit match, which is the only match Mankind knows he can’t lose to Rock. It turns out to be one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Also the Rumble is nothing but a backdrop for Austin vs. Vince, which isn’t a good thing either. Let’s get to it.

Luckily for me, I’ve been reviewing the Raw’s leading up to this show, so the stories will actually be fresh in my mind for a change.

This version opens with some interviews by guys in the Rumble, talking about how the bounty on Austin (Vince has offered $100,000 to whoever knocks Austin out) has them extra fired up. Chyna getting #30 is also discussed.

Opening video is what you would expect. Also the theme song for this show is No Chance, which would become Vince’s theme song after tonight. The idea is that Austin is #1 in the Rumble and Vince is #2, meaning if Austin wants to go to Wrestlemania, he has to run the gauntlet.

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Roadie is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title and a regular match. Dang it I forgot Boss Man is a tag champion here so I can’t call one of them a champion. Boss Man runs the ropes to start so Roadie tells him to suck it. The fans get on Boss Man so he shoves Road Dogg into the corner and pounds away. The Big guy misses a splash in the corner and Dogg pounds away. The announcers ask a very good question: why isn’t this for the title? Vince could make it for the title if he wanted, but instead he makes it non-title? Why?

Anyway, Road Dogg crotches Boss Man on the post to take over but gets knocked to the floor by an elbow. Back in and Boss Man pounds away but Dogg steps on his foot to escape. That lasts for about five seconds as Boss Man kicks him in the face to take over again. We hit the bearhug and Boss Man thrusts his hips into Dogg’s crotch. There’s an image I certainly didn’t need.

Dogg bites his way out of the hold but gets kneed right back down. The buckle pad is taken off and Boss Man gets two off a spinebuster. Boss Man wins a brief slugout and chokes away again. Lawler cheers for Boss Man but Dogg grabs a sleeper to get himself a breather. Boss Man goes up for some reason and is slammed down almost immediately. Dogg comes back with his usual and gets two off the shaky knee, but the Boss Man Slam ends this out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. Meh. That’s the only word that came to my head after watching this. At the end of the day, when the Outlaws play things seriously, they get pretty dull. Boss Man was fine in this role and he played it as he always did, but that doesn’t mean he should be having twelve minute matches with the Road Dogg. Not a bad match at all, but I don’t quite get why it existed.

We get a quick recap of Billy Gunn vs. Shamrock. Gunn hit on Ryan Shamrock (Ken’s sister) and Ken snapped, giving Billy a title shot for some reason as a result.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock

Surprisingly enough Gunn is the aggressor to start but Ken is a bit of a better ground fighter, giving himself control. Billy comes back with a clothesline on the double (tag/IC) champion as things slow down. A suplex gets two for Gunn but he misses a charge into the corner, allowing Ken to fire off some kicks. Ken fires off more kicks to the chest and back of Gunn and gets two off a spinwheel kick.

Billy comes back out of nowhere with the yet to be named Fameasser to buy himself a breather. He pounds away in the corner but Shamrock dumps him to the floor before pounding Billy into the barricade. The beating continues as Gunn is sent into a chair to keep Shamrock in control. They fight to the apron where Gunn makes a quick comeback, hitting a kind of Stroke into the announce table.

Back in and Shamrock goes right for the knee to take over. No ankle lock yet though as Ken busts out a Robinsdale Crunch of all things. Well if nothing else he has good taste in leg moves. For those of you younger people, it’s basically Shamrock wrapping his legs around Billy’s leg and crushing it between his own knees/legs. A HARD kick to the head puts Billy down again and we hear about Billy’s bad ankle from Raw. Not that he has tape on it or has been limping for the first ten minutes of the match or anything, but apparently he has a bad ankle.

Billy comes back with a clothesline but the referee is bumped. Cue Val Venis who also has issues with Shamrock to DDT the champion, giving Billy a two count. Gunn pounds away but goes up (with a bad ankle because he’s an idiot) and crashes on the ankle. Ankle lock and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Too long here and the Venis thing didn’t change anything at all. Billy’s ankle injury was pretty stupid because you didn’t really need the stuff from Raw to set up what happened here. Shamrock got a solid midcard push around this time and even had some cups of upper midcard coffee (only $5.95 at Starbucks!). The Corporation and DX would keep feuding for a few more months.

Shane fires Vince up in the back.

European Title: Gangrel vs. X-Pac

The vampire is challenging. This is another of those matches that is there so they can have another title match on the card, meaning there’s no story that I can think of. Road Dogg might have gotten a blood bath recently but that’s about it. They hit the ropes very quickly to start with Pac grabbing an armdrag to take over. Gangrel grabs a headlock but they speed things up almost immediately again.

Pac hits a quick legdrop but misses a kick in the corner to shift momentum again. We hit the chinlock to give the guys an earned breather. The champ fights up and gets thrown into the air for two. Gangrel misses a top rope elbow and Pac gets two off his jumping clothesline. A big spinwheel kick takes Gangrel down again and X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster.

The third spinwheel kick in about four minutes takes Gangrel down, but Pac gets crotched on the top, continuing a theme tonight. Pac tries a cross body but Gangrel rolls him through for a botched near fall by referee Teddy Long (he countered three but Pac’s shoulder was up). Not that it matters as the X Factor retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. Referee’s botch aside, this was a nice surprise. Gangrel is hardly known for his in ring abilities but he looked pretty good out there tonight. Pac was better here against a smaller guy as usual, and we got a good match out of it. After the two longer and not great matches earlier, this was a nice pick up.

DX says they’re united tonight but the $100,000 bounty makes it every man (Chyna: “And woman”) for themselves. Billy was nowhere to be seen here for some reason.

Here’s Shane to be ring announcer for the next match for no apparent reason.

Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable

Scratch that ring announcer line as apparently he’s here to accept Sable’s forfeiture of the title. This was supposed to be a strap match which had a total of 18 seconds of build on Raw. That’s not an exaggeration either. They came out during another match and that was the only mention. Luna attacked Sable on Heat before the show tonight and injured the champ’s back, but Sable wants to fight anyway.

This is the four corners variety so Sable can look TOUGH here. Sable shoves her into the corner and whips Luna to the floor. She keeps whipping Luna and gets three corners but Luna makes the stop. We get more choking and whipping before Luna drags Sable around with both of them getting the buckles at the same time. You know, like in every other strap match EVER. Shane gets up on the apron before Sable gets the buckle, but Sable’s psycho fan Tori uses the distraction to deck Luna, giving sable the win.

Rating: D. Sable was insanely over back in 98, but at this point it was starting to wear thin. I always felt sorry for Luna who never got to win the Women’s Title. She really would have been a good choice for an evil chick for some blonde heroine to beat, but instead we got worthless lumps like Jackie. Nothing to see here but it could have been worse.

The Corporation says it’s everyone for themselves.

We recap Rock vs. Mankind, which we’ve covered already. Rock lost the title on January 4 on Raw so he wanted a rematch. Mankind kept saying no until Rock said he’d quit trying, which Mankind immediately accepted. The idea is that Mankind has never quit and has been through so much punishment that there’s nothing Rock can do to beat him.

Rock says that he isn’t just some other guy to Mankind, and he’s going to be the first man to make Mankind give up. If you’ve never seen it and have a stomach for blood, I can highly recommend the documentary Beyond the Mat, which is about the behind the scenes world in the WWF and this match is a focus of the film. This promo was being filmed by the documentary cameras and Mankind was about three feet from Rock here. More on this later.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

I Quit rules here. Rock is in his workout gear, which means his male breast enlargement surgery scars haven’t quite healed yet. There isn’t a single bit of sarcasm or humor in that statement. Mankind is defending and had to fight on Heat against the 500lb Mabel. Also the champ has recently gotten his most well known theme song, but it’s still the original version here which doesn’t have the clapping in it yet.

Mankind takes over early and hits his running knee to Rock’s head in the corner. He pounds away on Rock but Rock isn’t ready to quit yet. Some mic shots to the head keep Rock down but he still won’t say it. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Rock gets in a shot to take over. They head to the commentary desk where Rock talks some trash to King before getting hit in the back by a chair.

Back in and there’s the double arm DDT from the champ. Mr. Socko makes an appearance to put the Claw on Rock. King: “But you can’t talk with your mouth full!” The hold puts Rock out, meaning he can’t say he quits. Not the smartest move in the world there Mick. We brawl into the crowd but Rock hits a kind of suplex to take them back to ringside. There’s the bell ringing spot (Rock puts the bell on Mankind’s head and rings said bell) before singing a bit as only Rock can pull off in the middle of a match.

Rock loads up the Rock Bottom on the table but it gives way, crashing them to the floor. They slug it out some more and head up the aisle where Mankind clotheslines Rock down. Up to the tech area now and Rock hits the snap DDT onto the concrete. It’s ladder time (almost kind of foreshadowing in a way) but Rock gets crushed underneath it before he can use it. Mankind misses an elbow drop onto the ladder and both guys are down again.

Rock sets up the ladder next to the tech area and they climb up to a ledge in front of a balcony. The slugout ensues and Mankind is knocked off the ledge and onto the electrical stuff which shoots sparks and knocks out the arena lights for a few seconds. Mankind is mostly dead on the floor so here’s Shane to come out and ask Rock to chill a bit. Rock says he’s going to make Mankind say he quits, but he won’t ask him. You know, because Mankind isn’t going to say it and Rock knows this. Cole of course doesn’t get it and whines for about five minutes about it.

We head back into the ring where Mankind is basically out on the mat. Cole: “How is Mick Foley standing?” HE’S FREAKING LAY…..never mind. It’s not worth trying to get through Cole’s thick head. Anyway, Rock finds some handcuffs and this is about to get bad. Rock starts pounding away at Mankind’s unprotected head. Somewhere in there the champ was busted open.

Mankind comes back with a pair of low blows and headbutts (remember his arms are handcuffed behind his back). Rock clotheslines him down….and grabs a chair. We get the Corporate Elbow on the chair on Mankind’s head, but that’s just the beginning. Mick won’t quit, so Rocky hits him in the head (remember, unprotected) twice with HARD chair shots. Here are three more to finally knock Mankind down and out to the floor.

Even Lawler says that’s enough, but Rock hits Mankind in the back and side of the head with the chair. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Rock has a clear shot at Mankind’s back but instead waits for him to stand up and hit him in the head again. ANOTHER shot (we’re up to about 12 now) to the head puts Foley down and Mankind SCREAMS that he quits. Note that Mankind isn’t moving an inch and there’s a noticeable echo to his voice which there hasn’t been all night. That would come into play on Raw the next night.

Rating: B. This is a REALLY hard one to grade because the last five minutes are nothing but disturbing. We saw a guy completely defenseless and having his head smashed in with a piece of metal by a world class athlete. Pre Benoit or post Benoit, that’s a completely unnecessary risk and a terrifying thing to see. I love these two fighting, but this was legitimately disturbing.

Again, if you’ve never seen it, check out Beyond the Mat. It shows Mankind’s wife and family in the audience in terror watching this, but you can only hear the sound of the chair shots. If it was a horror movie it would be absolutely chilling. Also it shows Foley in the back looking at himself after the beating and the first time he looks in a mirror he stops almost cold. This went WAY too far.

We recap the Rumble, which is literally all about Vince vs. Austin and Austin’s path back to the title which begins tonight. Vince keeps screwing Austin out of the title but he’s kept coming back to get another shot. That’s most of the year in a nutshell actually.

Earlier tonight Austin came in on a monster truck limo for no apparent reason. He got in Vince’s face earlier as well, resulting in the Stooges getting beaten up.

Royal Rumble

There’s a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head and we have Austin at #1 and Vince at #2. I think you can see what’s coming from here. The intervals are 90 seconds here. Howard goes into a REALLY long winded explanation of the rules, causing Lawler to freak out on him. Vince of course takes the chance to show off his impressive physique. Austin immediately pounds away as Cole sums up Vince vs. Austin: “How often do you get to see an employee rip the CEO of a Fortune 500 company apart?”

Austin destroys Vince for a few moments with basic stuff until Golga is #3. There’s the Thesz Press and Golga slides in but Austin knocks him out in 15 seconds. Vince rolls to the floor and heads into the crowd with Austin chasing after him. They brawl (read as Austin punches him and Vince staggers away) up the crowd as there’s no one in the ring. Droz comes in at #4 with no one to fight. See, why did Golga have to be eliminated? It doesn’t sound great but having Droz vs. Golga is better than nothing.

Anyway, Vince and Austin brawl into the back and into a ladies’ room where the Corporation jumps Austin. Naturally the camera feed is lost so we don’t see what actually happens. We come back to the arena to see Droz just standing there. The years away from meaning anything Edge is #5 to actually give us some action. After about 45 seconds, Gillberg is #6. The hilarious entrance takes forever and Edge dumps him in about five seconds.

We cut back to the bathroom and Austin is out cold on the floor. Steve Blackman is #7 as the low level stuff continues. I mean, at the end of the day NO ONE in the ring at the moment is going to be bought as a serious contender here. Austin is being treated by EMTs as Blackman fires off kicks to Edge. Dan Severn and his wet t-shirt are #8. He and Blackman have the WWF style MMA fight as we see Austin on a stretcher. That’s about the fourth time we’ve cut to Austin and away from the ring.

Tiger Ali Singh (think an Indian Ted DiBiase with ZERO charisma) is #9 as we see the ambulance drive away. The five nothings in the ring continue to waste our time until Blue Meanie is #10. Again in way less than 90 seconds, there’s no #11. We cut to the back (running theme tonight) and see Mabel beating up Mosh to take his place in the match. He immediately dumps Severn and Blackman plus Singh. There go Meanie and Droz, leaving us with Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg who is #12. Road Dogg dumps Edge and there go the lights.

Taker’s music hits and we have the Acolytes and Mideon in the ring beating up Mabel. They dump him out, yet AGAIN leaving us with just one person standing there. Taker and Bearer pop up and stare down Mabel, apparently hypnotizing him, which would lead to Mabel becoming Viscera. Gangrel is #13 with his rocking entrance music. There goes Gangrel so we stand around a bit more.

Kurrgan is #14 and destroys Dogg with power stuff. Psycho Al Snow is #15 and helps double team Kurrgan. Snow tries to get on the ropes for more leverage and is immediately dumped by Dogg. Goldust is #16 and Kurrgan gets double teamed again. With the big man down, Roadie tries Shattered Dreames on Goldie. Kurrgan saves Goldust for no apparent reason and it’s Dogg that goes down instead.

Godfather is #17 but the Ho’s leave, ticking off the fans. After about 30 seconds of Godfather being in the ring, here’s Kane at #18 to FINALLY give us some star power. The ring is cleared in about 30 seconds and the place goes nuts for Kane. Since having Kane as a dominant monster to set up a showdown with another big name would be interesting, the people from the insane asylum come out to try to institutionalize Kane (just go with it), so he eliminates himself.

Shamrock is #19 with no one to fight. Vince comes back out to do commentary. Billy Gunn limps to the ring at #20 and is immediately taken down with a leg shot. The beating goes on for awhile until Test is #21. We cut to the back (AGAIN) to see Mabel being beaten into a hearse. An ambulance pulls up and it’s being drive by a certain bald headed Rattlesnake. Because clearly a guy can be beaten down, wake up less than 20 minutes later, get out of an ambulance bed, take over the ambulance, and get back to the arena in under half an hour.

Austin comes back to the ring as Boss Man is #22. Austin chases Vince around and into the ring but gets jumped by Shamrock. That’s it for Kenny so here’s HHH at #23, giving us three tall guys with long blonde hair. Billy goes after Austin for the sake of the money as Vince plays cheerleader. Vince tries not to slip into commentator mode as he talks about people wanting the money.

Val Venis is #24 and Austin dumps Billy. X-Pac is #25 and Val pounds on Austin. He kicks Steve to the floor as we’re just waiting on the Austin and Vince interaction. A spinwheel kick from Pac puts Austin down as Mark Henry is #26. Henry swings for Austin but decks Boss Man instead. Jeff Jarrett is #27 and nothing happens again. Pac kicks at a lot of people and hits the Bronco Buster on Boss Man.

In a somewhat famous bit, HHH is clearly heard asking Val if he can hang on if HHH throws him over the ropes. After that punch to kayfabe’s stomach, D’Lo Brown is #28. Austin dumps Test and X-Pac to give us some more mat space. Boss Man and Jarrett team up to try to eliminate Austin but he fights them off again. There goes Jarrett as Owen Hart is #29. Austin spits at Vince as the ring is way too full.

Chyna is #30, giving us a final group of Chyna, Austin, Vince, Boss Man, HHH, Venis, Henry, Brown, Hart and Chyna. Chyna manages to dump Henry but is knocked out almost immediately by Austin. HHH throws Val out to get us down to five. There’s a Stunner to dump HHH and get us down to five guys. Austin avoids a dropkick from Brown and they fight in the corner a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Austin and is backdropped out just a few seconds later. Boss Man takes Austin down and Brown hits the Low Down. Brown poses too long though and Boss Man tosses him, only to get tossed by Austin. We’re down to Austin vs. McMahon and the beating is on. Austin destroys Vince with a chair shot and the boss is in big trouble. We head back inside and Vince hits a quick low blow to give himself a breather. Austin comes back with the Stunner and beats on Vince until Rock comes out. Rock and Austin have their staredown, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.

Rating: F. No. This was a failure on every level. The premise was stupid, the execution was TERRIBLE, and Vince winning makes the whole thing a big joke. We had THREE part where the booking resulted in the ring being empty. Who in the world thought that was a goo….oh yeah this is still Russo Time. Absolutely horrible here and the worst Rumble of all time, pretty much by far.

Vince has a BIG celebration to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The Rumble SUCKED, the title match was decent, and the rest of the show was either bad or forgettable. That’s more or less 1999 in a nutshell. On top of that, this would all mean NOTHING by the next week, as we had Halftime Heat coming up to give Mankind the title back, as well as Vince forfeiting his title shot at Mania, resulting in Austin going anyway. Just awful overall.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

Redo: C+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: F

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

It still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

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