Pancakes And Piledrivers II
Date: April 7, 2018
Location: Sugar Mill, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Rich Bocchini, Jake Manning, Marty DeRosa

This is a show from Pro Wrestling Revolver plus some other companies (AAW/Fight Club Pro), with the show being billed as the Indy Summit. The show took place over Wrestlemania XXXIV weekend and I had a ticket to this show but went to WrestleCon instead. Odds are I made a mistake but let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the promotions included for a nice change of pace.

Jeff Cobb vs. Shane Strickland

Yeah this is going to be fun, even with Matt Striker as ring announcer. At the very least, seeing Strickland’s Ain’t Nobody entrance is always awesome. Strickland hurts his arm on an early clothesline attempt so Cobb grabs him by the throat. A charge into the corner takes too long though, allowing Strickland to go up top. That’s fine with Cobb, who pulls him out of the air and hits the swinging belly to back toss. The huge beal out of the corner sends Strickland flying again as commentary mocks the building for being filthy but not allowing the advertised pancakes.

Strickland tries to come back with a chop, allowing Cobb to show him how one is properly thrown. They have the same exchange with forearms but Strickland manages a kick to the head into a German suplex. The running kick to the head gives Strickland two and a hard knee to the head makes it worse. The Swerve Stomp gets two but Cobb sends him into the corner for a running uppercut. A headbutt plants Strickland again and the Tour of the Islands gives Cobb the pin at 7:59.

Rating: C+. Nice opener here as we get one of the things that WrestleCon does well: putting together indy (well then indy) stars and letting them have a fun match. Strickland continues to feel like a star and it is no surprise that he has become a bigger deal. Cobb is a monster who can run over anyone and it is always fun to see him throw people around.

Post match Strickland thanks all three companies for putting the show on.

Colt Cabana/Marty DeRosa vs. Joey Ryan/Session Moth Martina

It’s still weird to hear Ryan being treated as some kind of awesome star. Martina on the other hand goes around the ring drinking with fans, which makes her seem rather popular. Grinding on everyone in the ring makes it even better (Better?) as this is going to be an interesting one. This is DeRosa’s, usually a commentator, debut and he has gear very similar to Cabana’s.

Ryan oils up and gives Cabana some for he and DeRosa to share. The bell rings and Ryan tells Cabana to touch it but, after an apology to the crowd, he declines. Ryan thinks DeRosa might do it instead so Cabana brings him in…and has to hold DeRosa back from touching it. DeRosa and Ryan trade wristlocks to start but Ryan still can’t get him to touch it. If that won’t happen, maybe DeRosa will touch Martina’s….uh, yeah.

Cabana is MORE than willing to try (Martina doesn’t seem to mind) but they’ll wrestle instead. Well maybe not as Martina grinds on Cabana to get out of a waistlock and Ryan tags himself back in. Cabana does his STOP, WHAT’S THAT and slaps Ryan in the face and annoyance begins to grow. DeRosa and Martina come in with DeRosa slapping her in the same way, which is NOT COOL with a lot of people. Ryan knocks DeRosa into the corner for a Bronco Buster (the long form) from Martina.

With DeRosa down, it’s time for the lollipop from Ryan’s trunks. Cabana breaks that up and it’s stereo Bionic Elbows to the….villains? DeRosa busts out a super hurricanrana for two, followed by a Figure Four. Cabana puts Martina in the Billy Goat’s Curse at the same time but Martina crawls on top of DeRosa’s face and bounces for the double break.

Then Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer starts playing (ok that’s a plus) and romance is teased….until DeRosa and Cabana’s hands are put between Ryan and Martina’s respective legs. There’s the double flip (with the referee falling down too) and Ryan pulls out a sucker/Martina pulls out a prophylactic from their tights, which go into Cabana and DeRosa’s mouths. Stereo superkicks are good for stereo pins for Ryan and Martina at 8:12.

Rating: F. This is the definition of a your mileage may vary match and that isn’t the best thing to see. Ryan’s shtick didn’t work for me before everything came out about him and it’s even more uncomfortable not. The match was pure “comedy” and barely a match, but what else were you expecting here? Absolutely not my thing and the kind of stuff I never need to see again.

Peace is made post match as Jim Cornette insults abound.

Eddie Kingston vs. Juice Robinson

Kingston comes out to David Starr’s music as the result of a lost bet. They go technical to start with Kingston working on a hammerlock before switching into a top wristlock. Back up and Robinson hits a spinwheel kick, setting up a Cannonball in the corner. A high crossbody gives Robinson two as commentary talks about Sami Callihan. Kingston isn’t having that and knocks him outside, setting up the big suicide dive.

Robinson’s piledriver attempt is countered into a backdrop on the floor, setting up a big whip into the barricade. Back in and the waistlock goes on to keep Robinson down, followed by the rapid fire (minus rapid fire) chops in the corner. That’s reversed into some chops from Robinson and a layout powerbomb gets two. Kingston runs him over again and NOW it’s time for the big chop off (which you knew was coming). Robinson gets in another shot and grabs Pulp Friction for the pin at 8:29.

Rating: C. That ending came out of nowhere and it wasn’t exactly a great match in the first place. This felt more like the match where someone said “hey they’ve never fought before” and that was the extent of the planning. Granted there is only so much that you can do with a story on this show, but this was just kind of there for the most part.

Fight Club Pro Title: Meiko Satomura vs. Kimber Lee vs. Jessicka Havok

Satomura is defending and this is the top title of the promotion (out of England, owned by Trent Seven) rather than the Women’s Title. Striker, ever the nitwit, insists that it IS the Women’s Title, even though that title doesn’t seem to have ever existed. Havok clotheslines both of them down to start and does it again to Satomura for daring to fight back.

Satomura and Lee get together and start striking away to take Havok down, leaving Lee to forearm away at Satomura for a bit. Some kicks to the head rock Lee but she’s back with a bridging German suplex for two. Havok is back in though and tosses Lee around with no trouble. Three straight running kicks to the face stagger Lee even more but Satomura forearms Havok away. A DDT sends Havok outside and Lee gets Death Valley Drivered for two. Satomura hits Scorpion Rising to retain at 6:06.

Rating: C. That was rather sudden as Havok never came back in after the DDT. Not having a title changed here isn’t exactly shocking and it was cool to see Satomura getting to showcase herself. Lee is someone I never could get into but she is talented. Havok on the other hand is a total monster that you get as soon as you see her. Perfectly fine match here, but I was expecting more.

AAW Title: Trevor Lee vs. ACH

ACH is defending and Lee’s (probably better known as Cameron Grimes) AAW Heritage Title isn’t on the line. Lee bails to the floor to start and grabs the mic, allowing him to complain about this show taking place at “eleven o’clock in the afternoon”. These people here don’t care that he was out late on Bourbon Street but all that matters is that he is going to win the AAW Title. Not some loser like ACH who can’t even get on another show this weekend, but a real champion.

After bragging about the money he is going to make, Lee gets hit in the face, only to have ACH miss the 450 back inside. A shot to the face knocks out ACH’s tooth or gum but he is fine enough to avoid the Cave In. ACH is back with a superkick into a brainbuster for…..the pin at 3:10!

Rating: C+. Sure why not, as Lee’s promo and then getting getting shut up so fast was funny, but the wrestling was barely half of this. Sometimes you need a fun match like this, even if it was probably a way to cut time on a loaded show. ACH really was a talented guy before he went a bit bonkers, while Lee would go on to a rather nice career.

Post match, Lee reminds us that he is STILL the Heritage Champion.

OVE vs. Brian Cage/Joey Janela/AR Fox

Tornado rules. That would be the Crist Brothers/Sami Callihan, who are billed under both of their names (Ohio vs. Everything and Ohio Is For Killers). Jake Crist isn’t waiting on the bell and flip dives onto everyone, setting up an Asai moonsault as we’re just getting started without a bell. Penelope Ford comes out to watch as Dave takes Fox inside for a wind up DDT. Janela high crossbodies Fox but gets clotheslined by Callihan.

Cage is waiting on him so Callihan spits in his face….which earns Callihan a heck of a discus lariat. Jake knocks Cage outside but his suicide dive is caught in a suplex because Cage can do that. Everyone else heads outside, leaving Janela to hit a big top rope flip dive. Dave goes up so Ford catches him and it’s a superplex onto the big pile. That’s too far for Callihan, who powerbombs Ford onto a slightly smaller pile, which has commentary freaking out. Not over what Ford did, which was more dangerous, but just what Callihan did. Hypocrites.

Back in and a bunch of strikes to the face leave everyone down as commentary talks about Ford’s Gizmo themed gear. OVE is back up with stereo superkicks but charge into superkicks. Fox avoids a charge though and hits a Spanish Fly, setting up a 450 for two. Jake is back in with a Death Valley Driver to Fox, setting up the spike Tombstone (Killing Spree) for….one?

Everyone is back up for the big staredown, with Cage hitting an F5 and Fox hitting a Death Valley Driver of his own, setting up a triple cover. OVE breaks up stereo triple superplexes so Fox knocks Dave down instead. Fox loads up a frog splash but Jake dives from the adjacent corner with a super cutter to knock Fox cold for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: B-. Thank goodness they went to the finish after that cutter because nothing was going to top that one. Fox was knocked silly and there was no reason to try anything else. The rest of the match was your usual insanity that comes with such a stipulation and it went rather well, at least partially helped because OVE is a regular team. That finish looked great though and it carried the match a lot higher.

PWR Scramble Title: Matt Palmer vs. Jake Manning vs. Caleb Konley vs. Trey Miguel vs. Clint Margera vs. Jason Cade vs. Ace Romero vs. Curt Stallion vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. Myron Reed vs. Connor Braxton vs. Omari

Palmer is defending and this would be your OH COME ON match of the show, as there are TWELVE PEOPLE in this. Everyone but MJF jumps Palmer to start and toss him outside, leaving everyone else to brawl inside. Reed is left alone to dropkick Cade outside so Stallion comes in to dropkick him. Romero hits a dropkick to Stallion but the rather tall Braxton kicks Romero outside.

Palmer and MJF double team Braxton and we seem to have a partnership….until they both poke eyes and kick each other low, which is good for a handshake out of mutual respect. That’s always nice to see. Omari and Margera hit stereo flip dives onto the floor, followed by Miguel’s springboard flip dive. Manning’s top rope trust fall (while still reading his Boy Scout manual, as is his custom) takes everyone down, leaving Romero (nearly 400lbs) to hit his own dive, much to the fans’ delight.

Back in and we get the required Tower Of Doom, albeit with Palmer and MJF teaming together, teasing a split, and then splitting in the span of ten seconds. Braxton and Stallion double team Romero, with the former managing an impressive slam. Manning is back in with a backbreaker into a lifting Downward Spiral to Stallion and we hit the parade of secondary (or maybe primary) finishers. Omari takes Miguel out so MJF tries to steal the pin, only to get rolled up by Palmer (with trunks) to retain at 8:14.

Rating: C. Yeah it was fine and that’s all I can think of to say about it. What in the world are you supposed to do with a dozen people doing spot after spot for about eight minutes? Palmer stealing the pin doesn’t so much prove anything as he just was in the right place at the right time. That is how these matches always go and while they get a lot of people on the show, they almost never do anything for me as no one gets to stand out in the slightest.

Lucha Bros vs. Jack Evans/Teddy Hart

First half of a double main event and it takes a good while for the Bros to get here. As usual, Evans runs his mouth a lot before the match, which will likely continue after the bell. Fenix and Evans start things off and yes Evans is still running his mouth, which is rarely a good idea. They trade their flips until Fenix kicks the leg out for no count before flipping up into a standoff.

Hart and Penta come in and the chop off is on fast before Hart complains about the lack of respect. A Backstabber drops Penta and Evans springboards in to kick Fenix in the head. That leaves Hart to hit a hanging piledriver/DDT at the same time to drop both Bros. Evans does a triple backflip into the corner to poke Fenix in the eye, which he describes as never before seen. The Canadian Destroyer into the moonsault gives Hart two on Fenix but Penta is back in for a change.

The double teaming takes him down as well, only to have the Bros pop up for running corner clotheslines. Penta gives Hart a heck of a superkick into the corner, with Evans being tied in the Tree of Woe to put them on top of each other. Fenix flips Penta onto the pile before Evans is tied up in a surfboard. That’s not enough for Penta though, as Fenix pulls on the arms at the same time.

Since that doesn’t really work nearly as well as the single version would, Evans hangs on until Hart makes the save. Penta Canadian Destroyers Hart for two with Evans making a save of his own. A springboard doesn’t work for Evans as he falls off the top but he’s right back with a middle rope Phoenix splash for two as Fenix makes his own save.

Fenix hits a rolling cutter on Evans as the referee is trying to restore order for whatever reason. One heck of a Project Ciampa drops Fenix and Evans adds the 630 for two more. Penta powerbombs Evans onto his knee for his own near fall, setting up a stereo Pentagon Driver/Black Fire Driver to give the Bros the double pin at 10:34.

Rating: B-. I would call this the “well, what did you expect” special, as you know what you’re going to get when you have a match involving these people. There is nothing else to expect from these four getting into a match and they made it work well. Let them go out there and do their flips and dives to pop the crowd and that’s all you need. Fun stuff of course, despite being total junk food wrestling.

AAW/PWR Tag Team Titles: Besties In The World vs. Aussie Open vs. Rascalz

The Besties (Davey Vega/Mat Fitchett) are defending both sets of titles in a ladder match. The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier/Zachary Wentz) are debuting their name, having been formerly known as Scarlett And Graves (weird name). That leaves Aussie Open (Kyle Fletcher/Mark Davis), who have nothing of note but I needed a reason to say their names. And yes, the Besties are the team who do their entrance to Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden and yes it is still amazing.

Hold on though, as Fitchett wants tables and chairs added in to the ladders because they’re hardcore! Vega: “NO WE’RE NOT!” Striker says everything is legal, despite it being a ladder match where everything is legal in the first place. A bunch of weapons are thrown inside as commentary talks about how ridiculous it is to have all of these totally unnecessary things underneath the ring.

Ladders and plywood are placed in the corner and Fitchett and Miguel are knocked into/through them. Vega goes up top and gets caught by a bunch of people who shove him through another plywood board. Aussie Open and the Rascalz slug it out with the bigger Fletcher being the last man standing. Wentz chairs him off the ladder though and goes up, allowing commentary to mock JR’s voice on the famous Jeff Hardy ladder climb.

With that broken up, Wentz hits a big step up dive onto a pile on the floor, followed by Fitchett’s running lip dive. Davis Arabian presses onto a bunch of people, leaving Xavier alone with a ladder in the ring. Instead of going for the belts, he climbs the ladder and shooting stars down onto the pile. Vega has used the delay to put a board over six chairs at ringside and superplex Wentz through it for the next big crash.

Back in and Fitchett kicks Xavier in the face but it’s Aussie Open cleaning house. Davis’ running forearm in the corner rocks Xavier and the Aussies both climb at once (Commentary: “No, no, no.”). Fitchett makes the save and the champs crush Aussie Open with ladders in the corner. The Rascalz are back in to kick the Besties down, including Wentz superkicking a chair into Fitchett’s face. Davis comes back in this time and powerbombs Xavier with one arm (dang) but gets kicked in the face by Wentz as well.

Xavier is back up to kick Fletcher and Fitchett down, leaving everyone on the mat. The Aussies catch Xavier going up and Fletcher dives off the top for a cutter (not quite OVE level but not bad). Wentz chops at the Aussies but gets thrown into a ladder in the corner for his efforts. That’s enough to dent the ladder so Fletcher gets on Davis’ shoulders but the champs turn it into a Doomsday Device. The Besties hit stereo piledrivers on the Rascalz (illegal in Louisiana) and retain the titles at 14:10.

Rating: B. It was a six man indy ladder match and that should tell you everything that you need to know. There were cool spots and a lot of carnage until one of the teams got the titles, which is exactly how something like this was supposed to go. It’s nothing great or memorable but for a big main event on a show like this one, it went well and was probably the best thing on the card.

Post match the Besties say that’s how you win gold together (Fan: “THEY’RE SILVER!”) but they want to call out….DAVID ARQUETTE??? AND HE’S HERE! Arquette pulls out a $100 bill scarf and says the Besties just want his money, before bragging about the big names he has faced. He says he’s a real champion and that WWE ruined WCW. Then he pulls off his jacket and reveals a NEVER BEEN PINNED shirt. Arquette seems to challenge the Besties to a match and leaves through the crowd to end the show on an awkward note.

Overall Rating: B-. I had fun and it only went a little over two hours so it didn’t overstay its welcome. What matters here is getting a bunch of people on a show and popping the crowd over and over. You don’t look for continuity or logic here and what we got here lived up to those requirements. It’s cool to see some of the non-WWE stars out there doing their thing and there is only one match that really didn’t work on the whole card. Fun stuff and I’m kind of regretting not taking it in live.

 

 

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Lucha Aboveground
Date: May 5, 2019
Location: Hebron Hall, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Colt Cabana, Marty DeRosa

This is one of the shows I picked up in the big Highspots sale earlier this year and this time around it’s a video download, meaning I have even less to go on. We’re looking at $5 Wrestling this time around and I’m not exactly thinking this is going to be the most serious stuff in the world. Let’s get to it.

As usual, this isn’t a promotion I know anything about so I’m sorry in advance if I miss any plot points (if there are any).

Colt and Marty speak some Spanish to open the show with Colt not being pleased with the quality of his seven grade Spanish class education. We get a preview of the show, with various wrestlers being named with El in front of their names. Even the referee will be under a mask!

They are even going to have a five (or six) way match with the loser getting unmasked. Colt: “And more money for losing his mask.” Colt has also been giving Rush commentary lessons in exchange for teaching him Spanish. The two of them bicker a bit about throwing it to an interview and no, they don’t think that will be edited out. This isn’t going to be the most serious thing in the world is it?

Interviewer Jake Manning is with Mr. Thunderbolt, who has been having a social media feud with Jeff Hart that only Manning knew about. Thunderbolt talks about how there was a guy who thought he was too good for $5 Wrestling a few years ago, so he can come see Thunderbolt today. Then he speaks some Spanish and Manning says the guy who runs Lucha Underground is ticked. As for Hart, who says he is from Canada, Thunderbolt has a George South shirt, which is pink and black. That’s as close as Hart is ever going to get to being Canadian.

Apparently Hart has said he b**** slapped a woman, and since Thunderbolt (a man) is Ladies Champion, that isn’t cool. Then Hart kept running his mouth and Thunderbolt knows that he is a crack mouth (Jake: “And a meth mouth.”). This is wrestling, and Hart needs to either get ready to get hurt or get out of the business. Last time Hart challenged Jake Manning so tonight, Thunderbolt will fight for him.

Manning interviews Jeff Hart, who threatens to break Manning’s hand. Hart won’t look at the camera and calls Thunderbolt a b****, just like every American woman. See, Thunderbolt can’t understand English and Hart will destroy the storm. He can beat up a tornado and he’ll do it again. Manning mentions Matt Hardy’s old “I can slam a tornado” theme so Hart threatens to slap him again.

Hart is a legend and wants to face the Great Muta and Abdullah the Butcher. Manning looks astounded as Hart threatens to stab Abdullah in the fork (yes in the fork). Hart: “Iron Sheik, go f*** your mother!” Manning, seemingly trying not to burst out laughing: “Anything else you have to say?” Hart: “Jake Manning, go f*** yourself.” You can hear the production team laughing out loud as Hart walks off. Hart had an accent and seemed to have some kind of a speech issue and the interview kind of implied he had some mental trouble as well, so this was more than a little awkward at times. Funny, but awkward.

Mr. Thunderbolt vs. Jeff Hart

Colt and Marty are on commentary and we can see them watching from behind ala Mystery Science Theater 3000. We even have a masked lucha referee. Thunderbolt jumps him before the bell to start fast and Thunderbolt, who looks to be near middle age, hiptosses him down a few times and hits a delayed slam. Back up and Hart bails to the floor, leaving Thunderbolt to drop to the mat with no one there to jump over him. Hart stalls on the floor and yells at a woman dubbed Local Babe.

Back in and the headlock doesn’t last long for Thunderbolt so he runs him over with a should. We get some miscommunication so Thunderbolt grabs a headlock (Colt: “Just grab a head kid!”) to take him over. That’s reversed into a headscissors as commentary mocks Hart’s lack of mobility. Thunderbolt manages to handstand his way to freedom and grabs a headlock. That stays on for a good bit as Thunderbolt talks to Hart a bit. Some bad choking goes on and it’s time to discuss what kind of drink Hart would prefer.

A distracted referee doesn’t see Hart get in a low blow so Thunderbolt rolls to the floor for a breather. Hart’s running leg nudge hits Thunderbolt and the referee trips as he follows them out. That’s about as par for the course as you could get around here and I’m glad to see it. Back in and Hart kicks away (Marty: “Eat your heart out Miz.”) but Thunderbolt starts firing up.

A clothesline connects and they’re both down again. Back up and a running….uh….well contact of some kind takes Hart down for two. Commentary can’t believe that a kid is yawning again in the front row but get distracted by Hart trying a Stunner but Thunderbolt falls backwards. Somehow that’s enough for Hart to get the pin at 9:44.

Rating: D+. Oh I was right about what I was getting myself into here and I’m cool with that. You had two rather overweight guys doing their thing out there (whatever that thing is supposed to be) and while it wasn’t exactly a masterpiece (or even anything resembling good), that was kind of the point and it worked well enough.

The crowd is uh, not quite impressed. Cabana: “MUY BIEN!”

Raider Rock (who looked to be about 52 years old and has a growth on his face) is ready to defend the honor of his student, Psycho, against King Jeremy Snaker. Psycho was injured in a car wreck and Rock has a bad elbow. Last night, Raider cheated to beat him (Manning: “Nobody saw that but it happened!”) but he’s ready to dominate, terminate and exterminate. Manning calls him out for saying his catchphrase really fast and explains how important a catchphrase is. Rock tries it again and gets it a little better this time.

Jeremy Snaker, with his valet Avril, talks about beating up Rock yesterday (with Manning again saying that no one saw that) and won’t answer questions about Avril being an old flame. Manning has been watching the Dark Side of the Ring on Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth so he tells Avril to stay away from Lex Luger. Snaker hopes Rock can keep up and no he didn’t visit Psycho in the hospital. Avril says Rock and Psycho got what they deserved.

So if you’re not getting this, the idea is that these people either aren’t wrestlers or actors. It’s being presented like they were brought in off the street but have characters and history, which does kind of fit into the overall theme. It’s taking a lot to get used to, but Manning is making it work by playing it mostly straight. Or as straight as you can be in a situation like this.

UCWF Title: Jeremy Snaker vs. Raider Rock

Rock is challenging and has a bad arm but demands that it’s title vs. career. Snaker takes him into the corner to start and kicks away as commentary tries to recap the story again. As commentary makes fun of Snaker for being dressed like Diesel, Snaker hits a piledriver and grabs an armbar. Snaker goes after the leg to change things up, with commentary not getting the logic. Rock takes him down before they awkwardly collide in the corner.

Snaker awkwardly kicks and chops in the corner before completely whiffing on a running enziguri, sending commentary into hysterics. Another missed superkick sends Rock into the corner anyway and a spear gets two. A very sloppy Pedigree (Colt: “That’s a Pedi-disagree.”) gets no count as Rock pops up (work with me here) and dropkicks the knee. Rock grabs a half crab and pulls back on the chin for the tap and the title at 4:33.

Rating: C. This was entertaining in a completely horrible way and that’s what they were shooting for. I’d be curious to know where they find these guys but that makes it all the more mysterious….I think. The Pedi-Disagree line was great and got an actual chuckle, which you don’t get very often out of a show like this. Keeping it short was important too, but it’s not like the wrestling is important in the slightest around here.

Post match Rock says he’s getting rid of his demon (?) side, meaning no more face paint.

Manning is with Wrestle Ranger (a guy in a cheap looking White Power Ranger costume, but today he’s LUCHA LIBRE Ranger. They aren’t sure about the copyright issues but they’ll roll with it anyway. Tonight, Ranger is in a five (or possibly six) way match where the loser must unmask.

It’s ok though, because he’s used to working with five other people and he’s usually the best of them all. Manning: “I should have watched more show I must not speak of.” After hoping that Zordon is the right reference (Manning: “It’s either him or Gandalf.”), Manning asks Ranger about his chances, with Ranger crediting his special coin. That sends us into references of Super Mario, Transformers and Voltron.

One Horned Liger is back in $5 Wrestling and he’s glad that he was asked to return. He even has all new gear, even though he has been unmasked before. Manning takes the blame for this, saying he had been drinking a lot that night. Liger: “If it happens, it happens.”

El Moono Dos vs. El Quako vs. Miguel Leavy vs. One Horned Liger vs. Wrestle Ranger

Everyone is in a mask and I think this is one fall to a finish. The masses go after the huge Quako until Moono spinebusters Ranger. Liger gives Moono a Codebreaker (for a face first fall) into a Cannonball in the corner for two and it’s ranger chopping Moono out to the floor. Quako comes in for a double chokeslam but falls down himself, allowing Leavy to hit a basement dropkick.

Miguel hits a Samoan driver for two on Ranger and it’s Quako hitting running splashes in the corner. The big splash crushes everyone as Quako’s shorts have mostly fallen down. Ranger and Liger clear the ring until Liger dives onto a bunch of people at once. Ranger slips on a springboard before diving onto even more, leaving Liger to hit a Swanton for the pin on Leavy at 5:16.

Rating: D. This was the first match on the show that was neither good nor funny, which brought it way down. For the first time it felt like they were trying too hard for the gag and even the shorter length didn’t help things. The botch felt right at home, but there was too much going on here to make it work.

Post match Leavy is unmasked as….Mike Leavy. This is treated as a big surprise.

Leavy says he is here because he is in demand and his manager insists no one can handle the Strong Arm. Maybe he can start losing to bigger and bigger names! Jake Manning things he could be the Jim Duggan of the promotion. Mike: “I hope to win. Realistically I might not.”

Little Donnie is ready to challenge Big Donnie and Porkchop Cash Jr., but he doesn’t have a partner. He isn’t picky though. The Burke County Boys (Big Donnie and Porkchop) come in to say they’ll give Little Donnie another beating. Little Donnie says he’s gotten beaten up a few times before, sending Manning into a rather nice speech about how he wishes he could be Little Donnie’s partner but he has to work the camera. And now we’re done because the knots on Little Donnie’s head are making Manning uncomfortable.

Terry Houston vs. Black Angel

Houston jumps him from behind as commentary laughs about their attires. Some shots to the face have Angel in trouble so Houston very slowly walks around. A slam gives Houston two and it’s time to choke a bit. Angel slowly fights up and hammers away so Houston hits a headbutt. This goes as poorly as you would imagine and it’s Angel getting in a swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 4:01.

Rating: D. Yeah the charm is wearing off fast with this show and that’s not going to make the last two matches much easier to watch. This was the battle of the big men and thank goodness it was short. Even with the four minute run time, there was a lot of stalling, making me long for the days of the Colossal Jostle.

Now it’s Dynamite, a bald guy who seems more interested in dancing with the fans than making a save. He walks around the ring, (accidentally knocking over a young girl in the process), poses and dances some more….and then leaves, all while Little Donnie has been taking a horrible beating (as in the beating itself was done horribly). Hold on though as the music starts again and this time Dynamite comes out in his wrestling gear for the actual save. Dynamite clears the ring and we’re making this a tag match.

Burke County Boys vs. Dynamite/Little Donnie

For some reason, Little Donnie tarts despite barely being able to stand. The huge Big Donnie splashes him in the corner and Cash comes in for two off a suplex. Little Donnie fights up for a chop off (Commentary: “BIG CHOP! PORK CHOP!”) and it’s back to Big Donnie to keep him in trouble in the corner. A big splash to the back set up a rather large Rings of Saturn before Cash is back in for some fish hooking.

Little Donnie fights up with a snapmare and cranks on both arms, because he’s not that bright you see. Big Donnie comes back in for a jumping kick to the chest (rather generously called a dropkick) and we hit the chinlock. Little Donnie finally gets up, hits Big Donnie once, and walks over for the tag to Dynamite.

House is cleaned as a manager we saw earlier in the night comes out to check on the fan Dynamite ran over earlier. Big Donnie hits a splash for two on Dynamite (Marty: “What did Dynamite do to that man???”) but pops back up with a cutter for his own two on Cash. Dynamite and Big Donnie fight to the floor with Dynamite chasing the Boys off with a chair but it’s a double countout at 7:29.

Rating: D+. This actually had a story to it but the joke of them being so inept at what they’re doing wore a little thin. Having an actual story, at least one which seemed to have some legs to it, is a nice change of pace though and we haven’t seen that throughout the show so far. Bad match, but it was nice to see a different presentation.

$5 Wrestling Champion Freight Train, sounding like a bit of a country hick, says he’s ready for Deon Johnson tonight. Deon isn’t going to take him off the tracks and Train isn’t letting Johnson get away with what he has been saying. He also isn’t saying Johnson’s tag partner’s name because he isn’t on the show. Train even calls out Johnson’s sister (Deonna) to come to the ring and take a Train Wreck of her own. She can go “crying like a woman” when she sees her brother getting beaten up by the Freight Train.

Yes he has a big gut because of all the beer and fried chicken but he’s been exercising because he doesn’t back down from no man. Train has a smooth belly and knows how to cut promos real good (his words) and he’s tall like Shaquille O’Neal. It’s Choo Choo time and he’s going to do some Shaq Fu tonight. Train: “I used to play the Shaq Fu game.”

He talks about playing it on Super Nintendo AND Sega Genesis before throwing a few kicks of his own. Train apologizes for sweating like a preacher while cutting his promo, because it’s hot in here and he’s sweating while cutting a promo. He promises to “smack the Hershey chocolate” off of Deon Johnson three different times and yes it’s Choo Choo time.

That was one of the most fascinating promos I’ve ever seen and it was actually in a good way. It started off sounding like it was going to be stupid and stereotypical, but Train was so incredibly bad and just kept going that it went back around and became funny. He repeated things multiple times, had some of the longest run on sentences I’ve ever heard and rambled beyond belief, all of which combined to make the whole thing incredible. It went on for the better part of five minutes and I wound up wanting to hear more. Well done, albeit by being so bad.

$5 Wrestling Title: Freight Train vs. Deon Johnson

Johnson is challenging and has strawberry themed gear. They talk trash to start, with the much bigger Train shoving him down. More staring ensues and Deon powers him into the corner, only to get bopped (not so much punched) n the head for a trip to the floor. Back in and the trash talk continues until Deon fails at a slam attempt. Train slams him down with ease and it’s time to stall some more.

Back in and Johnson unloads in the corner, only to get knocked down with a single shot. A low blow finally slows Train down and Johnson kicks away at his knee. Johnson’s manager (billed as Ric Flair’s nephew) chokes Train in the corner, meaning that Train can do more of his form of selling, which is him making various wincing faces while standing still in the corner. Train knocks him down again and we hit the chinlock, which doesn’t touch the chin and doesn’t seem to have much locking included.

That’s good for two arm drops before Johnson fights up and actually knocks Train down. Johnson drops an elbow for two and we hit a facelock, again minus the lock. For a bonus, Johnson rubs his gum over Train’s head and then takes out his teeth to put them in Train’s eye. Hold on though as Johnson gets in a shouting match with Dynamite in the front row. Train hits a running splash in the corner and CHOO CHOO sets up a running forearm (which looked like it was out of a wrestling scene in a sitcom) to retain the title at 9:22.

Rating: C-. Much like Train’s promo, this is firmly in the “so bad it’s funny” category, which works out well for the entire show. Train is one of the more interesting people to watch on the whole show, even though he might be the worst performer around. He’s literally just a big guy who jogs people over and that’s all he needs to be. It’s terrible, but it’s a funny kind of terrible and that’s ok.

Post match Train’s manager and Dynamite come in to celebrate.

Commentary talks about how Dynamite, who was retired, is creeping back in and seems ready to steal the show again. They recap the event and no one is happy with Jeff Hart being back. Cabana talks about how we need a fake Jake Roberts and a fake Diamond Dallas Page. If you’ve never wrestled before, come on down and we’ll put you on the roster! Commentary signs off, but not before mocking fans who have downloaded or torrented the show. Cabana: “It’s five dollars!” More quick jokes about how awesome this show is wrap us up.

Probably the most important thing though is this show lasts an hour and a half. They don’t overstay their welcome, which means the world on a comedy show. It isn’t quality and it isn’t something I want to watch regularly, but for the price (and I got it on sale) and some of Marty and Colt’s jokes, watching a random show from these guys is not the worst idea.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

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