NXT
Date: December 28, 2011
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

It continues. Anyway here we have another edition in the never ending saga that is the fifth season of NXT. I know I say that a lot, but what else is there really to say at this point? We have a love triangle regarding Bateman, Curtis and Maxine, which would be a bit better if the people in it were interesting. Anyway let’s get to it.

Striker is in the ring and says that in three weeks, we’ll be having NXT’s 100th show. A lot of people got their start here, so here’s Justin Gabriel. Before he can say anything though, here’s Slater. He talks about carrying Gabriel all the time and reiterates that he’s the One Man Rock Band. Someone find out what that’s supposed to mean. I’d really like to know. Gabriel asks him just that and Slater says that he plays instruments. Striker makes the match.

Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater

Slater hides in the corner as Josh tries to get the nickname Capetown Werewolf over for Gabriel. Striker goes over some of the history of NXT, such as Zack Ryder being the pro for Titus O’Neil back in Season 2. They speed things up and the fans like Gabriel’s speed moves. Gabriel works on the arm and the fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this. I can’t say I blame them. This has been pretty dull stuff so far. A clothesline puts Slater on the floor and Gabriel hits a big flip dive to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Gabriel breaking Slater’s momentum with an STO. He loads up the 450 but Slater crotches him. Justin gets knocked to the floor and is holding his thigh a bit. That gets two back in the ring but the hand hit the mat three times. Time for a chinlock now. Gabriel gets a small package for two and it’s back to the chinlock, both of which have been by Slater. Josh says this is his favorite season of NXT. The man has no taste.

Justin fires off some kicks and a springboard crossbody gets two. Striker takes credit for this (with a Barry Horowitz reference) as Gabriel’s second 450 attempt gets the same result. They slug it out from their knees and Justin hits an Eye of the Hurricane and a top rope Lionsault for two. You can hear what sounds like the referee saying “go home” and Slater hits a spinebuster for two. They go up to the corner and Slater is knocked throat first onto the top rope. A springboard 450 gives Gabriel the win at 13:02.

Rating: C+. It’s really impressive what happens when you give a match more than a minute and a half. I know it’s impossible to have matches going 12 minutes every week on TV and I’m not saying that’s what should happen, but it’s nice to see things like this every once in awhile. Not a classic or anything but it was a pretty decent match.

Raw Recap eats up a few minutes and focuses on Punk and the gauntlet.

Bateman comes up to Maxine in the back and says they’re both crazy so they’re perfect for each other. Maxine says that she didn’t like the weekly pillow fights and having to watch Titanic every week with his head on her shoulder. He says he’ll get her back and kisses her. That earns him a slap. They leave and we see Curtis watching from the shadows and being very happy about what he saw.

Percy Watson vs. Tyson Kidd

Darren Young is on commentary. Watson controls to start and Young complains as a distraction to let Tyson take over. Tyson hammers on him for a few minutes and you can hear individual fans shouting in the crowd. Watson gets a dropkick and makes a comeback. This crowd is almost eerie. Kidd jumps into a dropkick and there’s the spinning splash for two. Young gets up and distracts Watson so Kidd can hit a spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D+. Absolutely nothing to see here at all. Young is trying to get into the mind of O’Neil through Watson, which would be more interesting if this hadn’t been going on for going on ten months now. Also they waste Kidd on this? He’s one of the best regulars on this show if not the best and they waste him here? Seriously?

Aksana comes up to Maxine and and shows her some e-mails she found on Teddy’s phone. They’re from Bateman and says that he’s looking forward to being a Smackdown Superstar but to keep Maxine on NXT because she drags him down.

Johnny Curtis vs. Derrick Bateman

Brawl to start and Bateman takes over with loud clotheslines. They fall to the floor after more beating by Bateman. The crowd sounds like they’re at a funeral. Curtis takes over and Maxine takes over again. After a break Curtis is still in control. Clothesline gets two. This is one of the least interesting matches I’ve seen in years. And then Bateman rolls him up for the pin at 7:10.

Rating: F. Imagine how interesting it is to watch white paint dry on growing grass. You might have a more entertaining day doing that than watching this match. The feud and story is decent but the matches are just dreadful because Bateman is better as a zany face and Curtis is better as a waiter, so the matches suck. Nothing to see here, just like every other week.

Bateman gets on his knee as Maxine gets in the ring. She walks past him and Curtis comes back out. They kiss and leave together.

Overall Rating: D. GAH JUST END IT ALREADY!!!! How in the world do they think anyone cares about these people at this point? There’s time for a sixth season before the Network launches. But are they going to do that? No. They’re going to keep this up until everyone on the planet is dead from a gunshot to the head after watching Curtis every week.

Results
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – Springboard 450 Splash
Tyson Kidd b. Percy Watson – Spinning Fisherman’s Neckbreaker
Derrick Bateman b. Johnny Curtis – Rollup

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NXT
Date: December 14, 2011
Location: RBC Center, Raleigh, North Carolina
Commentators: Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

We’re almost to the end of the year and we’re in the ninth month of this show. This show could have been a whole pregnancy by this point. After last week, it appears we have a second good guy rookie in the form of Derrick Bateman. Given that he’s been one of the most worthless characters in recent memory, that can’t really be a bad thing. Let’s get to it.

If this show is the search for the next breakout star, how dim is this star that it’s taken them this long to find it?

Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins vs. Trent Barretta/Yoshi Tatsu

Reks says the two of them aren’t rookies and they’ll never beg for support from dirty North Carolinians. Trent calls them grumpy and Yoshi tells Reks to wash his hair. That’s the latest chant and according to Striker, it’ll be trending. Just….no. Tyler gets double teamed to start but Yoshi takes too much time on the top and is slammed down. Yoshi gets beaten down by both guys as Striker tries to get Hawkins nickname over as “And 1”.

Not very hot tag brings in Trent who beats on Hawkins and hits a top rope cross body for two. Barretta doesn’t get to be on TV much and has a pretty basic cruiserweight style, but he’s very smooth out there. Speaking of smooth, Trent spins out of what looked like a slam attempt into a rollup on Hawkins for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: C-. Not bad but I’m over Reks and Hawkins. They’re not interesting at all and they keep showing up and talking about how great they used to be. They’re about as low on the heel totem pole as you can get and that’s not a place that I’m interested in watching. I would however like to see more of Barretta. He’s just fun to watch for some reason.

Percy Watson has a talk show now. Let’s get this over with. The subject is the saga of Bateman/Curtis/Maxine. We get a LONG video on the whole thing, concluding with Maxine ending the engagement last week. Here’s Bateman and Percy asks him if there’s anything going on between Bateman and Maxine’s mama. Bateman says that’s insane, just like all women.

Cue Curtis who shows a still of Derrick kissing the finger of Maxine’s mom as it’s against his lips. Curtis talks about how JTG said that he and Maxine left together and that wasn’t true. Cue JTG and Watson asked why he said that. JTG says Curtis paid him to do it. Curtis denies this and JTG leaves. Cue Maxine now who says she’s tired of all this stuff. Bateman: “That girl is so crazy, how can you not want to spend the rest of your life with her?” Curtis: “She doesn’t like you man.” Bateman drops Curtis and leaves. Watson laughs and Curtis goes after him. Striker makes the match for later.

Jey Uso vs. JTG

No Siva Tao which makes me sad. Basic back and forth start as Striker seems to agree with Bateman’s statement that all women are crazy. Josh: “You’re still single right?” Absolutely nothing to talk about in the first few minutes of this. JTG controls with his usual really basic stuff. He’s just not effective as a heel, mainly because he’s nothing special at all as far as a character or from a looks perspective. Jey comes back and hits a superkick for the pin at 3:34.

Rating: D. I love the Usos but man this storyline is dull. JTG is perhaps the least interesting character this side of Derrick Bateman on NXT. That’s the problem with this show. Ok one of many problems with this show: outside of the Usos and at times Titus, no one is anybody I have any interest in watching and rarely are their matches good. The guys that do regularly have good matches (Kidd, Tatsu, Barretta) are rarely on here. This match was boring though and JTG controlled all but like 15 seconds.

Earlier today in Striker’s office (he has an office???) Titus came in to apologize but the challenge to Young is still on. I don’t know why this segment existed.

Slammys recap eats up some time.

Bateman goes up to talk to Maxine and says that before the show is over, he’ll marry her. Curtis comes up after Bateman leaves and kisses her. She tries to slap him but says they’ll get physical after the match.

Percy Watson vs. Johnny Curtis

STRIKER STOLE MY BABY JOKE!!! He said we could have a baby by the end of the season. So Matt Striker thinks like me? I’m not sure I like that. Watson takes over to start and drops a leg for two. Curtis fights back with a single arm suplex for two. Curtis works on the arm a bit and then Percy hits a dropkick to break that up. There’s another and make it three. Jumping clothesline hits but he hurts his arm on it. Never mind though as he hits an overhead belly to belly release. Flipping splash gets two. Curtis gets up and hits a Falcon’s Arrow for the pin at 4:10.

Rating: D. This was another boring match, mainly due to Johnny Curtis being completely uninteresting. He’s done his same uninteresting thing for like a year now and once they got something different about him, the word play thing, they got rid of it as fast as they could so that they could make him as bland as possible again. That’s why I’m so bored by WWE heels anymore: as soon as they get something going, it must be killed before they get over at all.

Titus comes out for his showdown with Young. You know, their at least 8th fight this season. He’s in a suit for this one so maybe this isn’t a match? He apologizes to his sons for not being perfect and losing his cool last week. Young cuts him off, also in street clothes. Titus says he doesn’t have Young’s resume but he’s out here working every week.

Young says he’s just an ex-football player. Titus says this has nothing to do with that and runs down a list of a bunch of ex-football players, like DiBiase Senior, Ron Simmons or Rock. Titus says he’s going to leave and this is done. Young calls him a failure and shoves him. A brawl ends the show. Titus leaves him laying and isn’t happy about it.

Overall Rating: D+. Not one of their better episodes here as the whole thing was about Maxine and Bateman and Curtis and then the showdown was just a talking segment where Titus beats Young down. Hopefully this ends in a loser leaves NXT match and we actually get closer to ending this never ending show. This wasn’t their worst show ever, but it was really quite dull indeed.

Results
Trent Barretta/Yoshi Tatsu b. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks – Rollup to Hawkins
Jey Uso b. JTG – Superkick
Johnny Curtis b. Percy Watson – Falcon’s Arrow

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NXT
Date: December 7, 2011
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Into December we go with more NXT nonsense. After last week’s shocking, yes SHOCKING I say, ending with Maxine leaving with Johnny Curtis, I think we have a theme for the week. Hopefully we get more Usos and less Bateman this time as I can only take so much of that curly haired lunkhead. Let’s get to it.

The Usos open us up with the Siva Tao. That would be so awesome at a high school football game. They’re here for a match but first do the “We say Us, you say O” deal with the audience and again it gets a solid response. However before we get to the popular tag team that puts on good matches, here’s Bateman to talk about Maxine. The Usos say Tamina lied last week and Bateman runs off.

Usos vs. Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins

Hawkins vs. Jimmy to start us off and we’re told that Striker and Hawkins are from the same neighborhood. Off to Reks and he has about as much success as Hawkins. We’re told that the Usos both played college football at the University of Hawaii. Stereo clotheslines put the non-relatives on the floor. Reks takes over on I think Jey and knocks him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Hawkins grabbing a chinlock. Jey fights off as Josh makes fun of Matt’s commentary. A spinning forearm takes down Curt and it’s off to Jimmy. The momentum shifts (or the pendulum has swung for you Monsoon enthusiasts) and Jimmy takes over on Reks. The Umaga corner shot gets two. Reks hits a clothesline and puts on a Torture Rack, but Jimmy comes out with a bulldog for two. The Usos beat down both guys with kicks and a top rope splash pins Reks at 8:35.

Rating: B-. I liked this and if it had a few more minutes it could have been something really good. The Usos are just so far and away better than anyone else in the tag ranks right now and they’re better than most of them on the main shows too. I have no idea why they’re stuck on NXT but that’s WWE for you: keep popular teams away because WWE hasn’t decided we should cheer for them yet.

Bateman is looking for Maxine and runs into Maxine’s mom. She flirts with him and Curtis comes up. Mama Maxine slaps Bateman and implies that he started it. She leaves and Curtis said he didn’t try anything with Maxine. He was with Bateman’s mom last week though. That makes Bateman yell and charge like an idiot but he gets stopped before the beatdown. Does ANYONE care about Derrick Bateman? Seriously?

Tyler Reks/Percy Watson vs. JTG/Darren Young

My goodness this looks boring. Watson vs. JTG to get us going as Striker makes jokes about Maxine’s mama, whose name is “first name” Portia Perez. Now they’re stealing SHIMMER names. Watson and JTG exchange some basic stuff and it’s off to Young, who hits a belly to back suplex on the apron. Back to Jimmy the Gimmick who grabs an odd neckbreaker for two.

JTG slaps on a seated abdominal stretch for awhile and then it’s a chinlock. What a variety. Watson fires off a dropkick to a jumping JTG and Titus finally gets into this after about five and a half minutes. He beats up both guys and hits a shoulderbreaker for two on Young. Tamina gets on the apron as a distraction and Young gets a rollup pin at 6:40. That ending came out of nowhere and was pretty bad.

Rating: D+. Total polar opposite of the opening match with there being nothing interesting here at all. Titus is being wasted in this tag team. They could easily just put him into a Goldberg style character but instead we have to have Darren Young out there to bore everyone out of their minds. I do not get this show at all.

Titus is upset about the loss and talks about the show running for 39 weeks. He said Young doesn’t care about the people and gets booed for it. Titus is booed for it I mean. He issues a challenge for next week against Young, saying it’s about being a man, not Redemption. Here’s the problem: as it stands, there’s nothing on the line about this match/fight. If one of them wins so what? If the other one of them wins so what? That’s the problem with this show.

Video on the WWE Network. I need to look into getting that.

Derrick Bateman vs. Johnny Curtis

We have about 9 minutes for this show. We could be in trouble here people. There’s no Maxine in sight. Bateman is all mad so he gets clotheslined down quickly. Bateman hammers him down in the corner and might be bleeding from the nose a bit. They go to the floor and Bateman misses a dropkick off the apron. He’s holding his arm and I think I heard someone say they were getting the doctor. They go to a break so maybe there’s something to that.

Back with Curtis working on the arm and we’re told that the medics were out checking on Bateman during the break. That’s probably due to the bloody nose though. Curtis works on the arm even more and shouts that he loves all the fans. Bateman fights back and allegedly it’s him showing fire. By fire, they mean a clothesline and a backslide. The fans are openly booing now. Thankfully they pick up on it and Bateman hits his awful falling bulldog for the pin at 7:13.

Rating: D-. Oh just no. I have no idea if this was supposed to be a face turn for Bateman or what, but it didn’t work at all here. The people just do not care at all about these two and their love triangle or whatever shape it is. This was an awful match because the wrestling was horrible and the angle sucked. Turning Bateman face would help him tremendously, but he’ll need more than that.

Maxine comes out post match and yells, asking how he could do that with her mother. The engagement is off. Now the face stuff makes more sense.

Overall Rating: C. This show started off pretty good but the love triangle thing just sucked the life out of it. Bateman turning face out of it is a good thing, but they couldn’t find anyone less dull than Johnny Curtis? That’s a running problem in WWE at the moment: heels suck. Other than on Smackdown where you have Barrett and Henry (who is rapidly losing steam), most of the heels are just dull. Oh and Ziggler is good. Other than that, there’s not much and it’s showing badly. Better show than usual, but nothing to write about.

Results
Usos b. Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks – Top rope splash to Reks
JTG/Darren Young b. Percy Watson/Titus O’Neil – Rollup to O’Neil
Derrick Bateman b. Johnny Curtis – Falling Bulldog

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NXT
Date: November 30, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Matt Striker

Time for another week of this. We’re almost in December of a show that started in early March. We’re also approaching the wedding of Maxine and Bateman, which I think is scheduled for late January. This show really is going to last an entire year isn’t it? I was kidding when I suggested that at first. I guess we’re supposed to ignore that all three guys have appeared on Smackdown in the past few weeks right? Let’s get to it.

The song saying that they have just begun scares me.

No Regal this week???

The main event is a triple threat with the rookies and the winner gets a match on Smackdown.

Tyler Reks vs. Percy Watson

Watson has an annoying spoken part before his song now. I’m sorry but he really isn’t on the level that he deserves that yet. Hawkins sits in on commentary. Fast paced start with Watson flying around the place but he walks into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle for two. Striker says that the money here is way better in the NFL. If my math is right, the minimum salary in the NFL is about a quarter million dollars a year. Methinks Matt is lying.

Watson starts his comeback and hammers away. The fans actually seem to care for him here as a cross body gets two. Hawkins gets up and plays ugly cheerleader, allowing Reks to get in a shot to break the momentum again. Reks goes up for what appears to be a double axe off the top but jumps into a dropkick for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. Just a match here for the most part. It wasn’t bad or anything but it’s kind of hard to get interested in a match like this where there’s no reason at all to see them fight. They’re not fighting for anything but pride so it doesn’t really add up to anything. Watson is fun to watch when he jumps though.

Curtis is hitting on Kaitlyn when Maxine comes up. He has good taste. Kaitlyn is invited back to his bus which Maxine says doesn’t exist. Kaitlyn leaves and Maxine yells because that’s insulting to her to go from Maxine to someone like Kaitlyn. Maxine talks to Curtis and they’re about to kiss but he kisses his fingers and puts them to her lips. She isn’t happy. He leaves and Bateman comes up so she kisses him hard…..with his mother next to him. Bateman leaves and Mama Bateman threatens her with violence if she hurts Bateman.

Yoshi Tatsu/Trent Barretta vs. Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis

We get a High Fliers reference from Striker, who swears some people know who he’s talking about. Tatsu vs. Curtis gets us going and there isn’t much going on so they both tag out. Trent winds up in the corner as the announcers aren’t all that interested in the match. Kidd gets two off a kick to the head and hooks in a chinlock. They go up to the corner and Trent mostly misses what we would kind of call a Whisper in the Wind. That sets up the hot tag to Tatsu who beats up ever heel in sight. He tries to fire up the crowd and it doesn’t work at all. The top rope spinwheel kick misses and Curtis hits a sitout brainbuster for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: D. Just dull again here as Curtis is as uninteresting of a guy as I’ve seen in years. A sitout brainbuster isn’t an interesting move at all and that fits perfectly. At least with the diving legdrop it looked ok. Nothing to see here and for the life of me I don’t get why he keeps a job, especially with some of the other people they could put on this show.

We get the entire Piper’s Pit from Monday. It still doesn’t quite work as the fans didn’t boo Cena. It eats up about 10 minutes though which is ten minutes of NXT stuff I don’t have to watch.

Maxine vs. Alicia Fox

Matthews asks Striker to compare the offensive styles here….and somehow he does it. For the life of me I don’t get why the Divas are on TV all the time. Alicia uses a lot of moves involving her flexibility which get her nowhere. Bateman and Mama Bateman come out to watch. Maxine sees them and panics a bit, allowing Alicia to hit the Axe Kick for the win at 2:24.

Derrick Bateman vs. Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young

Young waits on the floor as Titus beats Bateman up. He slides in and chops away (WOO) so Titus pounds him down also. Young continues his Flair impersonation and is slammed off the top for two. After a break for a bad Cena movie, the heels are double teaming Titus. As is custom, they get in a fight of their own, allowing Titus to fight back. Young hits a clothesline for two on O’Neil.

The heels fight a bit more and I’m trying to care. I mean I really am trying, but it’s just not going to happen at all. Bateman goes up and gets crotched and it’s a TOWER OF DOOM!!! They actually call it that and it’s a wicked one too. Titus can’t get the pin on Young so he grabs the rope like Batista and yells a lot. Young and O’Neil fight to the apron and Young takes him down with a neckbreaker. Bateman grabs O’Neil as he comes back in for the pin at 8:49.

Rating: C-. Pretty dull stuff here and my goodness why would it be Bateman? I mean, it couldn’t be clearer that O’Neil is the class of this group but instead their answer is try to make it seem like a competition. I don’t know who thinks this is interesting to watch, but it’s really not working at all. Boring match to end a boring show.

Post match Bateman wants Maxine to come out but he gets JTG and Tamina instead. They say she left with Curtis. Oh joy.

Overall Rating: D. It was an hour long and it was the Derrick Bateman Show tonight. I have no idea why they’re choosing to push him but that’s all they seem to think is the right idea. Titus is a guy that could be an interesting character on one of the big shows but it just isn’t happening here. Bad show.

Results
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Dropkick
Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu/Trent Barretta – Sitout Brainbuster to Tatsu
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Axe Kick
Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young – Pinned O’Neil after a neckbreaker from Young

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NXT
Date: November 23, 2011
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Matt Striker, William Regal

It’s the Thanksgiving week show and the show is somehow back up to three finalists. Only this show could go from two finalists to three to two to three again and take a few months to do so. This is the 38th episode of the season, putting this on the verge of being as long as the first three seasons combined. I thought just the third was ridiculous but this passed that long ago. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Young to open the show with I believe new music. We get a clip of Young beating up O’Neil and his finisher is called the Gut Check. It’s the fireman’s carry into a double knee to the ribs. Young says this is his show and wants to know where the people were last week when he beat O’Neil down. Is there a difference between being beaten up and being beaten down? He says his usual stuff about how he’s done a ton of stuff and how O’Neil hasn’t done anything.

Cue Reks and Hawkins of all people who say that the only thing Young accomplished was jumping Titus, which they’ve done a bunch of times. They’re impressed with Young and say they’re very similar. They think he has the It Factor but here are O’Neil and Watson. They make fun of Reks’ lack of charisma and cut Young off. Titus talks about getting eliminated a year ago in this town but he’s back to show his agenda. There’s the brawl but Striker makes O’Neil/Watson vs. Reks/Young.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Johnny Curtis

Bateman and Maxine are on commentary for no apparent reason. We talk about the wedding and then realize that’s stupid so we talk about Johnny Curtis. That makes it stupider so let’s talk about the wedding again. Regal offers to explain the misery of being married, since he’s been married 16 times. Regal talks about Bateman’s mother in law and implies sex. He even admits they’re ignoring the match. Can’t fault him for lying.

Curtis goes to the apron for a slingshot legdrop and shakes his hips at Maxine. Regal: “I think that was for me. At my age you have to take what you can get.” Suplex gets two for Curtis. Bateman makes another joke about Curtis and Maxine dating so they walk off. The wedding is in eight weeks, which I guess means we’ll be here until January. Yoshi fires off the chops and a spinwheel kick puts Johnny down. The top rope spinwheel kick ends this at 4:35.

Rating: C. This was fine. Yoshi is a solid hand while Curtis….well he’s Johnny Curtis. That should summarize this match as well as I can put it together. Not much to see here but it advances Bateman vs. Curtis I guess because we need to see it right? Not much to see here but Yoshi’s stuff is always fun to see.

Bateman goes to the ring post match but doesn’t attack Curtis.

Maxine and Bateman argue more in the back about what Curtis did during the date. She cancels sex until future notice. Curtis comes in and implies Maxine wants him.

Here are the Usos who do their dance before their promo. Jimmy talks about being nervous every time they come out here. They represent every Samoan ever in wrestling history. Jey talks about people like Yokozuna, the Wild Samoans, Umaga (didn’t expect to hear that name) and Rikishi. They talk about how Uso means brother but saying Us (pronounced Oos) can mean friend, close person, etc. They start a call and response chant with the audience of we say Us, you say O, which gets a surprisingly strong response. The fans like these guys.

This brings out JTG and Tamina, who says this isn’t about heritage because she’s an independent woman. Let’s have a match.

JTG vs. Jimmy Uso

Jimmy knocks him to the floor quickly so he can glare at Tamina a bit. Off to a chinlock by JTG as we list off the huge Samoan family tree. Stinger style splash in the corner hits JTG and there’s the running him smash in the corner, which is credited to Rikishi but it’s an Umaga move I believe. A superkick and frog splash are enough for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: C-. Why are the Usos on NXT? The fans like them, they’re decent in the ring, they have a gimmick, and they’re on NXT. I have no idea what the thought of this company is about them, but they’re more than good enough to be something on one of the main shows, but they’re not getting that at all here. It’s WWE I guess.

Percy Watson/Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young/Tyler Reks

Young vs. Watson gets us going. My goodness what a difference a gimmick change makes for Watson. O’Neil comes in and Young runs. He’s now the Big Deal Titus O’Neil. Reks talks trash so Titus hammers him in the face. This goes on for awhile until Watson comes in and cleans house. The heels go to the floor so Percy dives onto them as we take a break. Back with Titus getting two on Reks off a move we don’t see.

Back to Watson who doesn’t do as well. We talk about Bateman getting a Smackdown contract and we hear about how this season is about getting to one of the main shows. So at least there’s no talk of season 6. Regal talks about WWE 12. “I HAVE ABS!!!” Young hooks a chinlock on Watson to eat up some time. Gordbuster gets two for Reks. There’s your double tag to Young and O’Neil but Hawkins throws in the cane, so that the Gut Check can end Titus at 11:00.

Rating: D+. Boring main event here with neither team being interesting in being out there it seems. We have a heel team now I guess which is fine, but I’ll spare you the drill here on “but where is this going”. We’ve been past that for a very long time and there’s no point in saying it all the time. Too long of a main event though.

Overall Rating: D+. Pretty ho-hum stuff tonight with not much going on of note. This was more of a show about advancing the existing storylines rather than adding anything new to the mix. In other words, if you liked the rest of the storylines, you’ll like this. Nothing to see here for the most part though and it wasn’t much of a show.

Results
Yoshi Tatsu b. Johnny Curtis – Top Rope Spinwheel Kick
Jimmy Uso b. JTG – Frog Splash
Darren Young/Tyler Reks b. Percy Watson/Tyler Reks – Gut Check to O’Neil

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NXT
Date: November 9, 2011
Location: Liverpool Echo Arena, Liverpool, England
Commentators: Jack Korpela, Matt Striker

We’re in England this week so expect a few Regal chants. I’ve actually lost count of the number of weeks we’ve had now and frankly I don’t care. This is going to hit a year I believe and I wouldn’t be surprised if it did. Darren Young is eligible for his return now and I hope they release him before he makes said return. It’s not like he offers anything to the company anyway. Let’s get to it.

Striker is in the ring with Bateman, Watson, O’Neil and Maxine. He says two of the rookie finalists which implies there may be more, which scares me to death. Bateman says Maxine is beautiful and they make out. O’Neil makes fish jokes and for the love of goodness, EXPLAIN WHAT IT MEANS. I know the joke, but if you’re going to say it over and over again you may want to point that out more than once.

Striker says he’s been keeping an eye on the rookies and judging them. This brings out Johnny Curtis of all people. He says the show sucks anymore and Titus wants to fight him. It’s implied and confirmed that Curtis and Maxine went out before. The main event of Watson/O’Neil vs. Bateman/Curtis is made. Oh joy.

There’s an article on WWE.com on why Rock and Cena could make a good tag team. That needs an whole article? IT’S ROCK AND CENA!

Wait why isn’t Regal on commentary? Hopefully he’s wrestling on a Raw house show.

Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barretta

I’d be perfectly fine with Barretta getting more TV time on this show. They go to the mat quickly and Matt says Kidd is complaining about being bastardized by the WWE. Striker makes fun of Maxine for being a less than scrupulous and is having a good time on commentary. We hear a voice I don’t think we’re supposed to hear as this match isn’t all that interesting. It’s fine but I have no reason to care about these guys.

Tyson works the arm as Striker gives us a brief history of the Hart Dungeon. The announcers get into a debate about recording stuff on tape/Betamax etc and Jack says you watch NXT on WWE.com. Without missing a beat, Striker: “Who does that?” I love lines like that. They’ve been on the mat for the most part until a Trent clothesline puts Tyson on the floor.

Trent is launched into the post and we take a break. Back with them in the ring and Tyson holding a dragon sleeper. Off to a chinlock as the announcers mainly ignore the match. At least with this it’s a nothing match and they’re not talking about any individual thing. Jack asks if the challenges and point stuff is still going on and Matt says it’s a week to week thing. Trent takes over with a top rope cross body for two. A shot in the corner gets the same.

He tries a tornado DDT but Tyson hits a SWEET spin kick to take over. Brainbuster gets two. Back to the floor and Trent avoids a charge into the barricade. Barretta busts out a Whisper in the Wind off said barricade and both guys are down. Back in there’s a slingshot elbow for two. They go to the corner but Kidd manages to drop Trent on his head/neck as Trent tries a top rope rana and a one leg Liontamer ends this at 11:23.

Rating: B-. Good match here with both guys getting time to make things work. I really like Barretta and would love to see him get more time. The guy puts on decent matches every time he’s out there and this was no exception. I’d love to see an NXT Title and let guys do things like this every week on it. That Whisper in the Wind was pretty awesome. Check this match out if you have about 12 minutes to kill. It’s pretty good.

Bateman is yelling about Maxine dating Curtis. Curtis comes up and implies Maxine is bad in bed.

JTG hits on Tamina when the Usos come up to tell him to get lost. She doesn’t like them interfering so they say Santino is better than JTG. She’s going to be in JTG’s corner tonight.

Jimmy Uso vs. JTG

Jimmy doesn’t get an entrance so we don’t get the dance thing that I can’t spell. Jimmy controls to start so JTG makes fun of the war dance. Uso means brother in Samoan. That name makes much more sense now. The match is nothing special so far. Jimmy goes up but Tamina distracts him so JTG hits a dropkick, sending him to the floor. JTG hits a faceplant out of the corner for two as we talk about Survivor Series.

Matt asks Jack for his picks for Survivor Series and Jack has NOTHING. Matt even makes fun of him for it and it’s actually a bit embarrassing. Then again so is JTG and he keeps his job. Let’s keep the camera on Tamina for about 10 seconds now. It’s clear neither guy has anything to talk about as Jimmy takes over. The top rope splash ends this at 5:22.

Rating: C-. So? I’ll spare you the rant about how this show is so boring and all that jazz, but this was boring as usual. JTG is a guy that isn’t intimidating as a heel at all. He’s supposed to be a fun character and I don’t get the point in making him a heel for so long. It’s not like his status means anything. Weak match with a pointless angle tacked on.

Percy Watson/Titus O’Neil vs. Derrick Bateman/Johnny Curtis

My stars what a dull heel team. We’ve got like 6 minutes left in this show so we’re not going to have much here. Watson starts with Bateman and speeds things up quickly. Off to Curtis who doesn’t do much better. Off to O’Neil and I’ve seen funeral processions more excited than this crowd. Bateman sends Percy’s back into the post to take over. We talk about Curtis being an orphan to fill in air time. La Parka of all people is referenced by Striker. Jack: “No one knows who you’re talking about.” There’s the double tag and even Titus can’t wake the crowd up. Clash of the Titus is broken up and a High/Low ends Titus at 4:40.

Rating: D. This was horribly uninteresting. They did their thing but a lot of the problems were due to the lack of time. Well that and Curtis being the least interesting guy I can remember in a very long time. Nothing to see here and the show itself as a whole was the same. Wow this was bad.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener was good but the rest was just DULL. I haven’t heard a crowd this dead since the last time I was in a cemetery. Totally boring show and I don’t know if it was them being tired from the flight or what, but this was as bad as this show has been (save for the good opener) in a long time. Either end the show or get it back to America IMMEDIATELY.

Results
Tyson Kidd b. Trent Barretta – One Leg Boston Crab
Jimmy Uso b. JTG – Top Rope Splash
Johnny Curtis/Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil/Percy Watson – High/Low to O’Neil

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NXT
Date: November 2, 2011
Location: BI-LO Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: William Regal, Jack Korpela

We’re approaching a full term pregnancy here as we’re in I think week 35 or so. Darren Young can come back from suspension next week but I don’t think he’ll be returning. The show seems like it’s trying to come back to the way things used to be but it’s really not working. It was a lot better when there were random matches going on instead of ones like there used to be. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the proposal and acceptance from last week with Bateman and Maxine. It’s as stupid as it sounds, complete with a bad love song playing in the background.

Here’s JTG to open the show. He brings out Bateman and Maxine, who wears a lot of REALLY not-PG outfits. Maxine insists the name is BetaMax. I give up. Bateman says he wants to do this right, so he drops to his knee and gives her a ring which is “what 38 weeks of being an NXT Rookie can buy.” He hasn’t been here 38 weeks but whatever.

This brings out Watson, O’Neil and AJ. They really do look good in the suits. Maxine is fishless, whatever that means. Now we’re talking about Fraggle Rock. No one gets the joke, myself included. Bateman sends them away because this is an engagement party and they’re not invited. The girls get into a “you’re uglier than me” contest so O’Neil implies that Maxine’s father is here to make this formal. Titus pulls out a fish. Regal: “He’s doing that just for the halibut.” There are a ton of fish jokes and that’s the best of them all. Titus starts singing Under the Sea when Striker comes out and makes the six man tag main event.

Usos vs. Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis

Hawkins is suspended so Curtis is back on NXT as the sub. The winners of those shows can’t catch a break. Kidd vs. let’s say Jey starts us off. The twins take over on Kidd and Jimmy gets two off an elbow. Jey gets the same off a chop. No Curtis in yet, meaning the collective snoring hasn’t started. Oh there he is. For the life of me I don’t get what they saw in him. He’s so bland and cookie-cutter looking I don’t know how he could get more uninteresting.

Back to Kidd as apparently Curtis isn’t even going to grace us with his presence. Thank goodness for that. If I sound a bit incoherent here, you can blame the slight cold I have or Curtis’ ability to suck all the charisma out of a match. The Usos go up but heel double teaming takes them right back down. We take a break and come back with Curtis working on Jey’s knee which may have been hurt coming off the top.

Kidd comes in again as I guess even Curtis is bored by his own work. Back to Boring Man who hits a slingshot legdrop to Jey’s knee. Here’s a leg lock as this match has somehow only been going about 7 minutes including the break. Jey finally sends Kidd to the floor as as we talk about Killer Kowalski. There’s the tag and everything breaks down. The Usos head to the floor where they launch Kidd into the barricade in a cool looking move. Back inside a Samoan Drop followed by a Superfly Splash ends Curtis at 8:47.

Rating: C-. The tag matches here used to be good but I guess they’re just getting boring to me now. The Curtis factor didn’t help things out here either. The problem at the end of the day is the that the Usos are flat out better than any other team and we can only see these guys fight for the sake of fighting so many times before it loses all meaning. I think we hit that six weeks ago.

Raw ReBound. The Sheamus/Beaker thing still makes me smile. There are some deleted scenes in this.

Kaitlyn and AJ chat about the wedding. Can we just look at Kaitlyn for 50 minutes instead?

Kaitlyn vs. Tamina

Rematch from last week, which isn’t nearly as competitive was Korpela wants you to think it was. Regal makes jokes about having an affair with a dwarf. I don’t have any idea what it has to do with this match but it’s funny. Kaitlyn gets more offense in the first 30 seconds than she had all last week. Korpela calls Tamina’s dad (Jimmy Snuka) a Hall of Flamer. The crowd is dead for this. Tamina hammers away and it’s off to a chinlock.

At least we can look at Kaitlyn in those shorts of hers. Jack tries to say that the Divas Division is awesome right now and I begin to chuckle at him. Kaitlyn hits that old classic attack known as WHAT A MANEUVER (modified Side Effect) for the pin at 5:10. Again, can we just look at her for the rest of the show?

Rating: D+. These matches suck. That’s really all there is to say about it. I know Kaitlyn looks good, but is there really any need to have her wrestle? That’s one of the things that suck the time out of a Raw or Smackdown: the Divas matches. They’re not entertaining and most of the time they suck, yet they get a few minutes a week.

AJ/Percy Watson/Titus O’Neil vs. Derrick Bateman/JTG/Maxine

The Fascinating Fact this week: the black sheep of Maxine’s family is an unsavory bishop from the island of Butte, who owns a combined toilet factory who in his spare time sends full tapes of Shetland ponies to people. I think that was a play on words joke but I’m not sure. The girls start us off and Maxine is ticked off. AJ hits a jumping armdrag and things speed up. Maxine rolls to the floor after a spinwheel kick.

Off to JTG vs. Watson now and the good guys take over. Titus gets two off a clothesline and it’s back to Watson. Regal asks a good question: why do you need to dance about when you can hit someone in the mouth? Bateman hits a dropkick thanks to a Maxine distraction as we’re running out of time in a hurry. Jimmy the Gimmick hooks on a chinlock and then hooks a Regal Cutter of all things. Even Regal points that one out.

The announcers talk about how long this season has been. Even they don’t know when it’s ending. Somehow Regal turns this into a metaphor involving a hamster on a skateboard. You can’t say he’s typical. Off to O’Neil and everything breaks down. Clash of the Titus ends Bateman at 6:35.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match or anything, but this match sums up the problem with this season of NXT: Titus can beat Bateman. I looked it up and in this season, that is the 6th time O’Neil or O’Neil’s team has beaten Bateman or Bateman’s team. What in the world is there left for these two to prove? Nothing, but they keep the season going anyway.

Overall Rating: D+. I just don’t care anymore. When things were all going insane it was fun, but we’re going in circles on this show. Titus and the Usos dominate whoever they face, Bateman does nothing of interest and AJ still doesn’t like Maxine. That’s all we’ve seen for the last two months, but it never goes anywhere at all. I don’t get it, but I’m not WWE I guess. It’s not horrible, but it’s more boring than bad.

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NXT
Date: October 26, 2011
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Jack Korpela, William Regal

We’re past Vengeance now and there are actually signs that some things are starting to wrap up on this show. I can’t say I’d be complaining, as this show is almost the length of a full term pregnancy at this point. Anyway, according to the card that I’ve seen we might have four matches on here which almost has to be a record for this show. Let’s get to it.

At least they’re trying to make it look like this show is still coherent by not changing the opening credits.

We open with Bateman, JTG, Maxine, O’Neil and Watson in the ring. O’Neil makes fun of Maxine and calls her a dolphin or something. It’s time for the Talk the Talk Challenge. Bateman goes first and talks about football and the Cowboys, who are mostly booed. He makes fun of Titus’ trunks. This is pretty weak. Titus says the trunks are for breast cancer awareness because he lost two grandmothers to it. He says he’s awesome and that Bateman won’t stop him from winning this competition. O’Neil wins with ease.

Titus issues a challenge of his own. He and Watson make fun of Maxine and JTG and a brawl breaks out. Two singles matches are made.

Percy Watson vs. JTG

The fans start booing loudly for some reason at the start of the match but nothing has happened yet. Regal buries the talking skills of both guys as Watson takes it to the mat. Watson knocks him to the floor and we take a break with JTG clubbering him. Back with Watson in control again and getting two off some punches. Out to the floor again with JTG hitting a running clothesline that gets two back in the ring.

Off to some choking and we hear that JTG has been in the WWE for about six years. That doesn’t seem possible to me for some reason. It still makes me smile when I think of people saying he was going to be something once Cryme Tyme broke up. Off to a chinlock as Regal keeps burying the challenge. JTG goes up but jumps into a facebuster to put both guys down. Watson takes over and hits a clothesline and the spinning splash for two. The fireman’s carry into the pancake (called the Persecution) ends this at 6:47.

Rating: D+. Technically it was fine but there was nothing to this at all. Percy’s name isn’t doing him any favors as it makes me think of one of the trains from Thomas the Tank Engine from when I was a kid. JTG continues to be boring and the match was nothing to see at all other than just a long squash.

Hawkins is ranting about his injury and Striker comes up with a suspension due to something related to the walkout. No idea what that’s about. Nor do I particularly care.

The Muppets are coming to Raw. I’m going to get bashed for this, but I haven’t been more excited for a show in YEARS. No sarcasm or joke there at all.

Jey Uso vs. Tyson Kidd

Hawkins is with Kidd here for some reason. Regal talks about Kidd spending the past week in Calgary training with Bret on a rolling Indian Deathlock. Cool sounding move. Uso takes over quickly and puts Kidd in the Tree of Woe for two. Kidd comes back as we compare Harts vs. Samoans. Korpela brings up a good question: if Hawkins is suspended, why is he at ringside?

Tyson hammers away and hooks a chinlock. Regal says he’s the darling of Twitter. My goodness it’s nice to not hear about trending topics for once. Alley-Us doesn’t work so Jey kicks him in the face instead. The Superfly Splash hits knees though and a spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker ends this at 4:33.

Rating: C. Pretty decent match from guys that are actually good in the ring when they get to be in it. Kidd is a good guy to push as the NXT Champion when it finally is introduced. Nothing too bad here and it’s fun to see two young guys out there getting a chance to have some fun. More time would have helped though, but it is just NXT.

Tatsu makes the save from a post match beatdown. We’re waiting on the six man I guess.

Ad for Cena vs. Rock which really is going to be huge. I know that’s a really obvious statement but it’s starting to sink in just how big this match is.

Raw ReBound eats up a few minutes. The announcement would have been a bit better if it hadn’t been told to us at the end of Vengeance.

Rock will make his decision on Raw.

AJ and Kaitlyn talk in the back. Kaitlyn talks about how she’s going to destroy Tamina. Tamina pops up behind her and Kaitlyn knows she’s there. This is stupid but that goes without saying.

Kaitlyn vs. Tamina

Kaitlyn is the hometown girl. Not that we’re told that but I guess it’s implied. Tamina hits a superkick to kill Kaitlyn for two. Tamina beats her down as this is a very dull Divas match so far. That covers a lot of ground too. Tamina goes for a fireman’s carry and Kaitlyn gets her only move of the match with a sunset flip for the pin at 2:58. This was as boring as it sounds.

Derrick Bateman vs. Titus O’Neil

AJ is on commentary because….eh who cares she’s cute. AJ lists off reasons why Maxine isn’t nice, including she’s wicked. I want AJ to call me wicked. Maxine sits in on commentary as well. The girls get into an argument of course and Regal says go ahead and fight. AJ: “Fun fact about Maxine: she feeds off the souls of babies.” Maxine suggests AJ was caught between a midget leprechaun and a large black man in pink underwear that barks like a dog in some very non-PG positions.

Bateman slides to the floor to talk to Maxine and then hits a big dive on Titus when he comes out to see him. Bateman hammers away back in the ring and it’s off to a chinlock. This is all about the commentary and to be fair it’s far more interesting. Regal talks about the match and he’s just outnumbered. The couple’s name is BetaMax. I give up. O’Neil misses something from the ropes and Bateman rolls him up for the pin at 4:40.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the commentary was hilarious. I love shows like these where the announcers know no one important is listening and can have some fun on the commentary. That’s what NXT is good at and it’s far better than listening to Cole talking about Twitter 100 times an hour.

Post match, Bateman proposes to Maxine (Regal: “I think I might start self-harming.”) and gets slapped. Then he gets kissed. O’Neil covering AJ’s eyes on the floor is pretty funny. Maxine says yes. There’s your main angle for three weeks. They hug and Maxine looks like she’s in big trouble.

Overall Rating: C-. If there was a rating between this and D+ it would get that. It’s not really bad but there’s nothing to see here. Again it’s playing out like a low level old school indy company. That’s a fun thing to see because they know they’ve got nothing to lose so why not just have fun out there? That’s a great attitude to have and when you stop taking things so seriously in wrestling, you can have a much more entertaining show at times. This wasn’t their best, but I like watching this show for that laid back feeling to it.

Results
Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge
Percy Watson b. JTG – Persecution
Tyson Kidd b. Jey Uso – Spinning Fisherman’s Neckbreaker
Kaitlyn b. Tamina – Sunset Flip
Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil – Rolling Cradle

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NXT
Date: August 23, 2011
Location: Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

Yes we’re STILL in this season and now they’ve started bringing in other Divas like Maxine. You would think that someone somewhere would have an idea about where they’re going with this but it doesn’t seem like there’s one in sight at all. It’ll be more Titus vs. the evil two and no sign of the show ending at all while JTG and Striker have some random matches that no one cares about. Let’s get to it.

“A great main event.” Gee I wonder what it’ll be.

We’re in Canada tonight so who knows what the fans will be like.

Striker is in the ring and Young comes out to yell at him again. We get it already: Young hates him and has beaten him twice. PLEASE give us a loser leaves town match or something. Striker admits he can’t beat Young and after some Canadian insults Young kicks Striker in the gut and beats him down. Regal gets up from the desk and makes the save. Dude…..SERIOUSLY? You mean there aren’t enough people on this show already so we’re bringing in more from the announce desk? Whoever gets this show’s ideas together needs to start a workout series on how to stretch because it would be AWESOME.

Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barreta

We talk about who the Japanese characters could have meant, including Kenzuke Sasaki, Yoshi Kwan or someone named Toyota. Why are announcers so stupid at times? The fans chant for Kidd (naturally) as Regal rants a bit. Regal rants about Young, calling himself and Striker “old veterans”. Striker wrestled in WWE for what, a year and a half? How much of an old pro can he be?

This is a can you top this match as both guys try to show off and neither really gets anywhere. Tyson takes over via the arm and down goes Trent. The fans popping like mad for Tyson Kidd is just weird to see. Forearm puts Kidd down and gets two. Kidd sends him into the corner and Trent gets the feet up but keeps them on Kidd’s chest, driving them down into kind of a double stomp.

Regal mentions his trainer, a man named Marty Jones and implies he kept Regal out of the Calgary territory for some reason that Regal isn’t happy with. Barreta has had four matches with Kidd but has never beaten him. That’s all you need for a little story sometimes and it’s fine for a simple match like this one. Kidd comes in off a springboard but Trent gets a dropkick to block for two and we take a break to talk about some video game that no one cares about anymore.

Back with Trent holding a headlock. I can’t tell what the fans are chanting now but it doesn’t sound like Tyson Kidd or anything like that. Out to the floor and Kidd gets a BIG kick to the head and something like a spinning DDT/neckbreaker to take over but both guys are down. Grisham asks about Regal and Young and Regal gets in a funny line with “I don’t hate anybody. Ok yes I do.”

Trent gets in a nice diving legdrop to the floor which gets two in the ring. This is getting some time and we’re getting a solid match out of it. Barreta goes up and gets crotched (Grisham: right in the capital of Thailand!), letting Kidd hit a top rope rana but Trent rolls through into a sunset flip but Tyson rolls through into a Sharpshooter attempt but Trent rolls through THAT into a victory roll for two. Sweet sequence there.

They slug it out and neither can get a solid advantage for a bit. Jumping knee to the head gets two for Trent. This has been almost great stuff so far. It almost sounds like the fans are chanting for Daniel Bryan. Double clothesline puts both guys down and Trent tries the tornado DDT but gets caught in a Canadian Mapleleaf. Lance Storm is in attendance according to commentary. And never mind as the Japanese characters pop up on the screen again and the distraction lets Trent hit the tornado DDT for the pin at 15:00.

Rating: B. Heck of a back and forth match here but the ending leaves something to be desired. I get that we’re setting up the idea of Tatsu coming back but can we just get back to the feud so that it can end and we can get a mention of an elimination? I know that’s a lost cause anymore but whatever. Still though, very solid match here as has become expected on this show.

We recap Maxine returning from last week.

Bateman is rubbing her shoulders and talks about how awesome they are and how much better they’ll be than other power couples. They don’t like AJ and Horny. Sex is implied.

AJ vs. Maxine

This is Maxine’s first match in a long time. Regal sings her praises and Maxine takes over. Horny is on the apron for this for no apparent reason. The crowd has gone from hot for the first match to dead for this one. Todd says Maxine should fear the beard of Hornswoggle. I can see the t-shirts now. AJ has gotten in nothing at all yet. Suplex gets two for Maxine. In a very telling/funny moment, Regal talks about going to get a haircut the other day and asking for highlights but only getting a DVD of other haircuts. Todd: “We’re really struggling in this match. Maxine GET THE WIN ALREADY.”

Maxine puts the chinlock on again and we hear about how she has a bunch of nationalities in her. So that’s what she’s done in the last year. AJ finally gets in a shot to take over and that lasts about 3 seconds. Maxine takes her down and Bateman is begging for a cover. Spinwheel kick takes Maxine down and a cross body gets two. Further proof of the dying commentary: “AJ going the aerial route and I’m not talking about the Little Mermaid.” Bateman shoves Horny down and the distracted AJ is rolled up for the pin at 6:26.

Rating: F. No. One. Cares. I haven’t heard a crowd go that quiet in a long time. I know Maxine has done some stuff in FCW that was impressive I guess but now on the main stage no one cares at all. She’s not interesting and is just another blonde chick that is out there offering sex to her male partner and that’s about it. Why should I care about another chick doing the same heel jazz?

Post match Titus makes the save.

Bret will be on Smackdown which is from Calgary and is GM for the night. Certainly can’t argue with that decision.

After seeing a sign that says Satan 3:16, here’s Cena vs. Punk from last night. You know the drill: it might be clipped, I don’t watch it and here’s the whole review from last night.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena’s shirt back twice. I’ll take it if they don’t want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It’s a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.

Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.

That’s a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena’s shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They’re telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn’t going to work so they’re throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That’s what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.

Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here’s Nash again, saying it’s not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.

Rating: B+. Seriously were you expecting anything but a good match here? They have that chemistry that you need and it’s showing here. You give these two fifteen minutes and they’ll give you the top level match they’re capable of. Obviously TV is different than PPV but this was rather awesome indeed. Good match as the kicking out was good stuff.

Overall Rating: D+. I can’t say it’s a failure due to the great first match, but considering none of the rookies were on the card in a show ABOUT ROOKIES, it’s hard to say this was a show that did the things it was supposed to do. Cena vs. Punk is great, but did we need to watch the whole thing for over ten minutes while the rookies didn’t even wrestle?

This show has turned into an indy level TV show. You get one good match a week and then a highlight from a better show with bigger stars. Nothing is mentioned about the competition anymore other than someone saying they’ll win it. It’s really not a horrid wrestling show, but if you expect it to be anything resembling what it claims to be, you’re in for a disappointment/a big surprise, depending on where you stand.

Results

Trent Barreta b. Tyson Kidd – Tornado DDT

Maxine b. AJ – Rollup

NXT
Date: August 16, 2011
Location: Rabobank Arena, Bakersfield, California
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Michael Cole

We’re on the way to the sixth month of this show. I would make a joke about this show getting close to being able to having a baby but I’m not sure it’s a joke anymore. I’d expect more hijinks tonight with everyone talking about nothing in particular and nothing at all being mentioned about the show moving forward in any way at all. Let’s get to it.

We open with AJ, Titus and Horny in the ring. Is this the face faction now? Titus talks about Horny looking for true love and says he has something to say to AJ. Horny babbles a lot and Titus translates. Apparently Horny wants to propose to her. Oh give me a break. And yes, it’s a Ring Pop. AJ says it’s not about size (make your own jokes) but about the size of Horny’s heart. But she just said….oh never mind.

Bateman interrupts and says this is disgusting and that it’s not a soap opera. Titus tells him to leave and insults his jeans. Make fun of his win/loss record, beat him up, get more points than he does or whatever else you can think of, but INSULTING HIS JEANS??? YOU GO TOO FAR!!! Bateman says he’s not sure which one is the leprechaun and which is the troll. Horny goes after him and Bateman runs. AJ is alone in the ring and some chick jumps her. It’s a now blonde Maxine. THEY’RE BRINGING BACK THE DIVA ROOKIES NOW????? To be fair she looks much better without the black hair.

JTG vs. Tyson Kidd

Heel vs. heel? Really? Works for me I guess. Kidd has promised us something special next week in Calgary. JTG grabs a rollup for one a few seconds into this. The crowd is silent. Like creepily silent. JTG is wrestling face here despite being heel for the last 4 months or so. Then again is anyone paying attention to things such as that? Kidd speeds things up and gets some kicks to the head for two.

JTG hits Jay Lethal’s belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker for two. Half of the Lethal Combination gets two. Think he’s been watching some TNA/ROH stuff lately? JTG yells to the crowd but gets caught in a horribly botched looking rolling half crab (think Lance Storm)…and he taps at 3:10. That was unexpected. I guess JTG is a moderate face now.

Rating: C. The botch near the end hurt it a lot and the ending came almost out of nowhere. Also JTG suddenly being face is just weird as nothing happened other than Vladimir being released. Not sure what the point of this was but I guess it’s just to set up the whole YOSHI IS COMING thing. Granted that sounds like a really bad Nintendo ad but this isn’t the most well thought out show.

Post match some music starts for a bit and a Japanese/Chinese character (as in a written word) appears on screen. Does Japanese have written characters? Yeah we know: Tatsu is coming back.

Striker says he lost last week and he’s not making any excuses. Young vs. Striker II tonight. If Young wants respect, he has to earn it. Surprisingly good promo.

Matt Striker vs. Darren Young

Striker….strikes away to start. Well he lives up to his name I guess. He works on the arm and fingers to start but gets rolled up for two. Double clothesline takes both guys down but Darren is in better shape at the moment. A neckbreaker on the apron is broken up but Young gets something like a release belly to back onto the apron which looked good. A chinlock is broken up by Striker going after the leg. Why don’t more people do that?

Striker fires off and is getting all ticked off. He’s really improved in his long layoff. Striker takes Young down and gets two as Young gets his foot on the rope. This referee > HHH I guess. Young goes for that fireman’s carry into a gutbuster but Striker counters into a Backstabber for two. The fans go silent so Striker screams at them to wake them up. He tries La Majistral (and yes I know that’s probably not the right spelling) but Young rolls through into that gutbuster of his for the pin at 5:05. That was a good ending.

Rating: C. Striker continues to look good all things considered, but where does this lead? If Striker wins then Young looks even weaker than he already does. If Young keeps beating him, he’s beating up an announcer/host who came out of retirement a few weeks ago. I don’t get what the point of this is but the matches have been the highlights of the show recently. The ending here was cool.

Here are Bateman and Maxine. They’re holding hands so there’s your latest couple in WWE. Bateman wants the people to respect her and calls her his girlfriend. Maxine says Horny can’t handle a real woman like her. We’re just getting started according to her. Heaven help me.

Derrick Bateman vs. Titus O’Neil

For those of you that want something completely different I suppose. Regal and Grisham quote Bobby Heenan to liven things up a bit. Titus hammers away with power stuff to start as is his custom. Oh and there’s no Horny or AJ in sight. Bateman gets a dropkick for two. Bateman keeps hammering away while Regal talks about his turtle running away and the turtle (Speedy) getting mugged by some snails. This is the Gorilla Monsoon/Jesse Ventura formula of “we’re so bored we’ll do anything short of first degree murder to keep from falling asleep”.

The match is really boring, namely because we’ve seen them fight so many times already. Bateman controls for awhile until Titus starts channeling his football days and tackles Derrick a few times. Shoulderbreaker gets two. There’s the fallaway slam and Bateman hits the floor. Titus tries to get back in and Maxine trips him, letting Bateman get a rollup pin at 6:17.

Rating: D. It’s just boring. That’s the problem with this match: it’s just boring. It was so obvious that Maxine was going to cost Titus the match the entire time that there was no point in watching the whole thing up to that point. This story just keeps adding chapters for the sake of adding chapters and none of them are interesting. Thus is NXT.

And now we get the entire Alberto vs. Rey match from last night because NXT only has enough material to fill in 40 minutes. I have no idea if this is clipped or not but I’m not watching it again so here’s the review that I wrote for it live.

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

The new champ rolls out in a bright red Ferrari. Rey is the hometown boy so he gets a huge pop. It seems to be the Undisputed WWE Championship now. We continue the old school weapon checks but don’t even get big match intros. Fast paced stuff to start but it’s pretty basic. Rey sends him to the floor as we take a break. The bell rang at 10 until 11pm so they don’t have a ton of time.

Back with Rey in a body vice and he pulls half of the mask off. Alberto takes him up to the top which doesn’t work at all as Rey takes him down with a tornado DDT. Wicked one too. Spinning cross body gets two. Rolling sunset flip gets two. Rey gets taken down for a bit but takes to the air, sending Alberto to the floor. Gorgeous Asai Moonsault takes both guys down.

Seated Senton hits and he gets Alberto into the 619 position. Alberto takes his head off with a clothesline though and complains when it only gets two. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets the same result. Corner enziguri gets two. Rey grabs a rollup out of nowhere for two to break up the armbreaker.

Dropkick puts Rey down and he goes for the arm again. Rey reverses into an electric chair position and into a rana for the 619 position. The call connects (hate that term but whatever) and it’s top rope splash time. Jerry declares it over which seals Rey’s fate. The splash hits knees and Alberto gets a small package for the pin at 12:50.

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here and Alberto wins clean which is something that he certainly needs. These two have chemistry and this was no exception to it, which is probably due to them having so many matches together over the past year. Good stuff here and it worked rather well for a TV main event.

Since a 13 minute match took 6 minutes to air, yeah it was clipped. We also get the close to the show with Cena saving Rey.

Post match Alberto goes for the arm and snaps it on the rope then puts the armbreaker on. Cena runs out for the save and wants a mic. Post match Alberto goes for the arm and snaps it on the rope then puts the armbreaker on. Cena runs out for the save and wants a mic. He rants about how much his weekend sucked and is all kinds of serious. he says Alberto cashed in a briefcase and got lucky. One days he’s going to have to defend it (kind of like he just did?) and if it’s against Cena, he won’t be so lucky. Serious Cena works very well and this was one of those moments.

Overall Rating: C-. The matches were ok, but the same complaints as always here: what is the point of ANY of this? Bateman now has some chick with him that hates AJ because….because AJ is a face and Maxine is a heel I guess. There’s nothing to see here as has been the case for the last three months or so. More of the same as always.

Results

Tyson Kidd b. JTG – Half Crab

Darren Young b. Matt Striker – Fireman’s Carry into a Gutbuster

Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil – Rollup