Summerslam 2006
Date: August 20, 2006
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 16,168
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Joey Styles, JBL

So a few things have happened since last year, but a lot of the show is the same. DX is back, feuding with the McMahons, Edge has risen to prominence and is the WWE Champion, and Booker is now a British guy. Your main events are Booker vs. Batista and Cena vs. Edge, along with the DX vs. McMahon tag match. The other major difference is the return of ECW, which as usual has one match. This is far different than the ECW you see today, as the title match is Big Show vs. Sabu.

Hogan is here again, this time against Orton, while Flair and Foley are having an I Quit match, which would be Foley’s last big angle as he would leave for awhile very shortly after this, returning in about 9 months for a few appearances here and there before becoming commentator for about a month before leaving for TNA. That’s enough recap from me, so let’s do this. Oh one last thing. Angle would be released 5 days after this show and would debut for TNA about 5 weeks after this.

The opening video is generic to say the least. It’s just promos and clips from the three major feuds. I’m really disappointed in this.

The 6 announcers welcome us to the show which takes a few minutes. Lawler says that he’s the WWE’s original party animal which just amuses me.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Remember how I said I was disappointed? That’s nothing compared to this. This contest is being held because these two have been fighting over who was closer to Eddie. This is nothing short of disgusting to me. Eddie passed away less than a year ago, and this isn’t even the first angle that was because of him. I get that he was a huge star, but you don’t need to use him to further storylines.

Chavo says that Rey is living off of Eddie’s legacy, which in reality he likely was as he got the world title at Mania, but that’s a different argument for a different time. They show video packages of both men’s relationships with Eddie as I feel like I’m in 5th grade. Seriously, this is like two 8 year old girls arguing over who someone’s real best friend is. However, the other friend just happens to be dead. See? No matter how you say that it’s not respectful or paying tribute. IT’S CREEPY.

Also, the whole Dominick storyline is completely omitted. In other words, thanks to the magic of WWE, the whole angle about Eddie trying to destroy Rey’s family and steal his son has been completely forgiven. And people wonder why WWE is criticized so much. Apparently Chavo is retired or something but this is a one night only event. If only that were true. As much as I can’t stand JBL in the ring, he’s pretty good on commentary.

It’s nice to have him out there as he was a wrestler far more recently than Tazz was. Chavo cost Rey the title. Thanks for mentioning that 3 minutes into the match. JBL makes an Arturo Gatti reference which is just weird to hear at this point. Chavo is complaining that Rey is trying to make a name off of Eddie. Yeah, I don’t need to criticize that. JBL calls Chavo’s comeback the biggest one since the resurrection. Again, don’t even need to make fun of that.

JBL goes on to say that these are two of Smackdown’s best. If this is one night only, wouldn’t that mean he’s not on Smackdown at the moment? Rey is having mask issues so we take a short break. Ok I like JBL. He’s actually really good at this. They both stand on the top rope and…just kind of jump off. Yeah that spot looked really stupid. Bradshaw keeps calling him Shavo which is getting annoying.

Yeah JBL is already getting annoying. If he says “He’s a Guerrero!” one more time I’m going to scream. Eddie was a groomsman at JBL’s wedding? How much do they want to break down the walls between reality and kayfabe? 619 but Chavo avoids the senton and they go to the floor. Vickie, now with about another 50 pounds on her and in full annoying mode heads to the ring and goes after Chavo for no apparent reason, slapping him.

The three amigos get Chavo booed out of the building. Cole calls a hurricanrana a headscisscors. Since Chavo got booed out of the building for the triple suplexes, Rey does them as well as everyone is being booed now. Rey goes up for a frog splash and Vickie tries to stop him, resulting him in him getting crotched. Chavo hits a suplex which is called a brainbuster, leading to the frog splash as Vickie screams to win it. Post match, they still won’t shut up about how it’s about family etc.

Rating: C+. The match was fine, but the rating is hurt a lot as this storyline is just flat out horrid. It’s completely disrespectful, and while it got both of the Guerreros jobs, it just wasn’t needed. There were about a dozen other ways to do this that wouldn’t be disrespectful at all, nor would they have ticked off the crowd. I hated this, but the wrestling was ok I guess. It would have been better if I had watched it muted.

Booker and Sharmell are in the back with Booker still being British, which is oddly a far better gimmick for him. He was completely generic as Booker T, but this is quite memorable. Edge and Lita come in and they argue about who the most powerful couple in wrestling is. That would be Vince and Linda.

This would lead to the triple threat challenge at Cyber Sunday which was all three championships on the line at the same time and was ended by Kevin freaking Federline. They make a bet about their title matches that didn’t mean anything at all in the end.

Ad for the best managers DVD. That’s a lost art in wrestling anymore.

It’s time for the ECW title match. The story is pretty simple: Big Show is ECW Champion and Sabu wants to be. Sabu won a ladder match against Van Dam on ECW to get this match, albeit with help from Show. Styles screams that this was VINTAGE ECW. Is this a running joke that we just never caught on to?

ECW Title: Sabu vs. Big Show

This is extreme rules, and for the ECW WORLD Title. Yes it was called a world title back then. For those of you that haven’t seen Sabu before, consider yourself lucky. He’s the epitome of everything that’s wrong with hardcore wrestling as his skills were limited at best and dangerous at worst. However, he was an extreme icon, so it’s all good. The ECW belt looks like a toy on Show. Within 5 seconds of the bell, Sabu has hit Show 4 times with a chair. That’s a good way of foreshadowing the match.

Show steps on it and crushes the chair which looks cool. This is more or less just Sabu using weapons and Show beating him up. It’s a simple formula but it’s working to an extent. The chair shots sounds SICK. If you think Hardy botches moves, he’s Bret Hart compared to Sabu. It’s table time, as Sabu is the guy that made them famous, far more so than the Dudleys who are more known for them.

Sabu gets him through the table which the more I think about it the more I think that it is nowhere near as great of a spot as it’s built up to be. A Vader Bomb pretty much kills the Arabian. Big Show brings in a table and stairs which is a cheap indy show name if I’ve ever heard one. Show sets up a tiny bridge with a table over two sets of stairs.

Sabu climbs on it and of course it falls over, so he sets it again as Show just looks at him. Naturally, he’s booed for it. Chokeslam through the table ends this, even though Sabu is on the table and therefore his shoulders are technically up, but why am I trying to use logic on a match like this?

Rating: C. It was a hardcore match with good chair shots. What are you really expecting here? It was fine for what it was, but it’s nothing special. Sabu as usual was just flat out horrid and Show didn’t have to do much. It was ok, as long as you don’t take it too seriously.

We see Layla winning the Diva Search. Yeah I don’t care either. In the divas locker room, Layla shows off her horrible acting skills while Trish yells at her for saying she doesn’t belong here. Truer words have never been spoken. Three years have passed and Layla still can’t do crap. Of course, in the end Trish is fine with it and everything is cool. They take her into the shower and spray her down with water. Yeah, it’s stupider than it sounds.

A band called the Teddybears did the theme song. Is there a point to these things that I’m missing?

We get a recap of Hogan vs. Orton, which is billed perfectly as legend vs. legend killer. These Hogan highlight packages are always cool. More or less all this happened for was to get Hogan’s reality show pushed and to promote Brooke. Orton hit on her and Hogan stopped him, resulting in Hogan getting RKOed on a car.

We also get highlights of all the legends that Orton hit with the RKO, which is a decent list I guess. We even got a parody complete with impersonators. More or less, this is Orton replacing Shawn, but lower on the card, as it should be.

Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Orton

Wow Hogan goes on third? That’s very surprising. Unless I’m overlooking something, this is Hogan’s last match to date in WWE. He appeared once other than this at the 15th anniversary where he fought off Khali, but other than that he’s been gone. You know it’s a good thing Vince is rich. He has to pay a lot of money for roofs. Hogan of course gets the legendary pop that he deserves. Ross of course mentions that Hogan has a bad knee. Hulk Hogan doesn’t get hurt you idiot.

Hogan definitely is looking smaller here, but he’s still muscular. The reaction for Hogan really is awesome. I love the old school merchandise like the towel and shirts. The entrance goes on forever just like the old school ones did. This is always fun and this is no exception. This is a much better reaction than he got last year and I think it’s because they got the formula right: Hogan vs. evil. That was the problem with Shawn.

He was still a face so why would we want to see Hogan beat him up? The fans didn’t buy it so while it worked, it wasn’t great. It’s weird seeing someone being taller than Orton. In a head scratcher, Hogan gets put in a headlock and goes down to one knee in just a few seconds. Everyone goes a bit blind as the headband goes off. They use an overhand wristlock and it looks decent. I’m quite surprised. Other than shoving Orton at the beginning, it’s been all Orton.

Dang it why is it that every time I say that the comeback begins? Hogan gets on the second rope and punches him, which for some reason surprises JR. It’s not like this is a new thing for him. He hits a clothesline with authority, which is another term that’s never made sense. How can a clothesline have authority? Can it give you an infraction while you try to start a resistance? The bias for Hogan and his rule breaking will never cease to amuse me.

In a weird time, they mention that the fans from the old AWA days remember the times when he refused to obey the rules. Why not just go with the time he was a heel in the far more famous WCW? Maybe there’s something to that theory of WWE never mentioning WCW because they know it’s better. Orton finally goes for the knee which is what makes sense all along, as given away by the massive knee braces on both legs.

They finally mention that Hogan was the main event of Summerslam 90, which I’ve long since theorized. Apparently Orton is craving to be loved. Thank you Sigmund Ross. Orton slides under the big boot just like Shawn did last year and hits the picture perfect dropkick. Screw Bob Holly. Orton’s dropkick is perfect. Now here we have something that makes me change my mind about a lot of the criticisms that Hogan gets.

Randy hits the RKO and covers, and Hogan doesn’t kick out. He puts his foot on the rope. That’s very subtle but when you think about it, that’s a huge show of respect to Orton. Of all of the big finishers that Hogan has been hit with over the years, I’ve never seen him not kick out of it with that big power move. He didn’t power out of the RKO. He had to use the weaker kickout. That’s a huge show of support for the young kid and it makes him look dominant.

The thing is they never mentioned it as a big deal, despite it being one of the biggest rubs that Hogan has ever given anyone. Anyway, Orton celebrates because he thinks that he’s beaten the legend himself and maybe he has a right to, but Hogan’s foot didn’t go unnoticed by the referee despite the announcers being completely oblivious to it.

Hogan staggers to his feet and limps around in a circle shaking his head which is a truly sad sight to see in my eyes as he just doesn’t have the physical strength anymore to do it the way he used to. We all know how this is going to go. Hogan circles Orton, shakes a finger in his face, kicks him in the head and after about 15 seconds, drops the leg for the pin.

I love how nonchalant Hogan is after the legdrop, as if to say yeah I know he’s not getting up for a month. Lawler marks out like an 8 year old for this and I love that. If this were anyone else I’d hate it but in this case it’s fine as this is Hulk Hogan. He’s the greatest ever and he should be treated as such. As Hogan celebrates we see a guy with a tattoo of Hogan all over his entire back. That’s either creepy or awesome.

Rating: B. This is exactly what a modern Hogan match is supposed to be. You have a young guy that is kind of proven but not quite and he just can’t beat Hogan despite getting close. Now some of you again might say that Hogan didn’t give Randy the rub here, but on a closer look he did.

That lack of a kickout of the RKO was in reality was huge. It made Orton look like a monster because it was enough to stop the super kickout from Hogan, which no other move has ever done in history. That’s about as big of a rub as you could give.

We see a big party that was held yesterday announcing the debut of 24/7. Kennedy is there, which amuses me.

Foley is in the back and Melina comes up and hugs him. Now this was a very interesting storyline that I wish had been given more time to develop. Flair had run down Foley in his book and Foley did the same. There was a real life feud between these two but they’ve since patched things up. Melina was a real life friend of Foley who was stuck in the middle of this for some reason. They had agreed to an I Quit match here after having a pretty bad one at Vengeance.

Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley

Sweet goodness Lillian is amazing looking. Foley brings in some weapons with him. It’s weird seeing Foley more or less as the heel and Flair as the face. There is legit animosity between these two which always helps things get better. Foley jumps him and it’s on. Running knee to the face in the first ten seconds from Foley. And then he does it again with the garbage can.

Mandible Claw goes on and Flair is down. This is more or less a squash almost but Foley grabs the mic and says make it easy on yourself and say it’s over. Naturally it’s not over and Foley gets barbed wire. On his alternate commentary from his DVD, Foley says he felt he didn’t have aggression here and he felt bad about it. Flair wraps barbed wire around his hand and CHOPS FOLEY. This left a HUGE scar on his chest that he shows on the DVD and it’s awful looking.

Barbed wire board is rammed into the face of Flair and he slides under the ring to blade I think. Oh yeah he’s busted open. The fans want tables. Something I’d like to do here is time how long between that chant starting and the amount of time before they’re introduced. Teasing them like that is a great idea as we have to wait for awhile instead of instant gratification.

Barbed wire board dropped on Flair results in him shouting obscenities to Foley. Foley busts out the tacks as there hasn’t been much of anything from Flair here. Flair is slammed onto the tacks for the second time in about two weeks after Show did it to him on ECW recently. Dang there are a ton of tacks in Flair’s arms.

Time for the barbed wire bat here. Flair is bleeding like crazy at this point. And now Flair sends him into the post and beats his arm with the bat. Foley is apparently wearing a Japanese Cactus Jack t-shirt. BIG bump as Foley is on the apron and Flair gets a running start with the bat and sends Foley to the floor and he bangs his head on the concrete. Cue Melina down to the ring to check on Foley who is out and the referee stops it.

Ok never mind as Flair decides that’s not enough so we’re going to keep going. Flair says he didn’t say I Quit so we keep going. He beats on Foley even more until Melina throws the towel in for him and says he quits. Foley still didn’t say I Quit so I don’t get why Flair would accept that either. Oh ok he didn’t. Foley quits seconds later I think after Flair threatens to hit Melina.

Rating: B-. On Foley’s DVD he does commentary for this match and he says that it wasn’t a very good match despite having a massive scar on his chest from the barb wire spot. He said that he never really took this as far as he could have to make it a truly bloody classic, but he thought it was ok. I would have to disagree with him to an extent though as it was at least decent.

Having Melina play into the equation at the end was a great move, despite her turning on Foley and having him fired less than a week later. I also really like the false ending as it makes you wonder how far they’re going to take this one.

Vince and Shane are in the back with Estrada. They more or less say that Umaga will be backing them up tonight. JBL gets in one of the best secretive lines you’ll ever hear as he calls him Armando Ali Baba Estrada. Back in OVW, Estrada played an Iranian character named Osama. That’s a very nice little inside joke.

Smackdown World Title: Booker T vs. Batista

There’s no buildup here other than Booker is champion and Batista never actually lost the title but had to drop it due to injury. Booker’s wife just does nothing but shout “All hail King Booker!” over and over. JBL’s sucking up is quite humorous. She’s at 11 times already. After 15 of them, we finally get Booker’s entrance. Isn’t that in essence a jobber entrance? He’s already in the ring when his announcement is made. Yep, Booker gets no respect.

Batista gets a solid pop but nothing mind blowing. This was one of three consecutive Smackdown PPV main events involving these two, so you really don’t have to think that hard about why there were jokes about how repetitive these shows were. If I remember right these two had a legit fight backstage at some point and Booker beat up Batista with relative ease.

They botch a spinkick spot but I’m not sure who is to blame. Booker throws the kick but Batista wasn’t there so they had to have him keep spinning. It didn’t look that good. We get a loud and long boring chant as the first 2-3 minutes of this is primarily Booker having Batista in a chinlock. Batista is quite rusty here which is certainly playing a role here. Booker hits him with the scepter on the floor, which means Batista is moving even slower than he was before and that’s saying a lot.

Back in to an arm hold, which is the same thing as a chinlock in essence. The crowd chants she’s got herpes at Sharmell. This is just amusing. Booker gets crotched by missing a kick, so Batista, ever the strategist and in ring general, picks him up and drops him the same way over another rope. What’s the point of that? Couldn’t he do something more original than that?

Booker hits a missile dropkick which used to be his finishing move in WCW, yet here is just a run of the mill move and the same thing happens with the Book End. JBL makes a bowling analogy which makes me shake my head. Batista hits a jackhammer which Booker pops up from. I love how neither of these guys have an original move to save their life.

Batista hits a bad full nelson slam to set up the power bomb. Sharmell runs in and slaps Batista for the DQ. Yes that’s actually the finish they went with. Post match Batista beats up Booker and BADLY botches the Batista Bomb. He barely got him up and it looked like he was trying to use it on Khali.

Rating: D. For the second year in a row Batista has the worst match of the night. It was barely over 10 minutes long, it was about 4 and a half minutes of rest holds, and the finish was completely stupid. Batista botches so much out there that it was just horrid. If you want to know where the stigma of Batista sucks comes from, I present to you Exhibit A. This was just flat out awful all around and felt like it belonged on Smackdown.

Jeff Hardy is coming to Raw.

DX is talking to someone who we can’t see and they tell him that Vince said Umaga is the biggest monster in the company.

Recap of DX vs. the McMahons and the feud that Satan is afraid of. This feud went on ALL summer and produced only a handful of decently funny moments. It was way too long and was stupid, primarily as it was DX vs. the Spirit Squad, who were tag champions at the time.

Despite beating them about 5 times, DX never won the tag titles. Why that’s the case is beyond me. It might be because they couldn’t have two major stars as champions. That couldn’t happen. We need our male cheerleaders blast it!

Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. DX

In case you’ve forgotten it, Shawn made his Summerslam debut in a 6 man tag in 1989. Just thought I’d remind you because JR has only said it at the last three Summerslams. We get the traditionally way too long DX intro. Good night Lillian looks great. HHH says that we need to get ready to suck it. Shawn says if you’re not down with that, they’re going to tell you to suck it. Well I’m glad we’ve got so many choices to pick from.

To say JR doesn’t like Vince is an understatement. Apparently one day Vince will run a hostile takeover of the afterlife. Spirit Squad runs out and uses their trampoline to come in. Two backdrops, a toss over the ropes, Sweet Chin Music and a Pedigree later they’re gone and HHH has a new sweatband. Finlay, Regal and Kennedy run out to beat on DX. The McMahons haven’t even left the stage yet in case you were wondering.

While the club from Finlay would usually drop Khali, since it’s used on DX, it has little effect at all. Big Show is here now and as they try to fight him, we finally have some logic as the other EIGHT GUYS that DX beat up finally wake up and help out, so it’s 9 on 2 here with the McMahons still to come. See, this is the first time ever that I can recall where Vince finally had a brain and realized he owned an army of guys to beat up whomever he was feuding with at the time.

He’d always send one at a time. You own the company Vince. Send out 10 guys at once or something to beat the other dude up. See how effective it can be? I really feel sorry for Styles and Tazz as they’ve been sitting there all night doing nothing after calling a single match. That’s just stupid. Why not have them sit up near the entrance so they can at least go sit in the back after their match? HHH goes through the ECW table as Vince and Shane finally are in the ring.

JR is really getting annoying with this running Vince down. We finally have a bell. It’s Vince against Shawn to start. Ross calls the heels the money maniacs. That’s like the main event of Summerslam 88 from my nightmares. HHH is still on the floor from the chokeslam through the table. HHH tries to get up but Shane hits a baseball slide to knock him onto JR and King. Ross flips HHH over as he’s ticked off about being covered by a big sweaty man.

The way it looked was just quite funny. Demolition Decapitator or whatever that move was called lands on Shawn. The McMahons hit a Hart Attack which is just appropriate being used on HBK. This is followed up by a Doomsday Device. This is actually kind of cool. Of course HBK kicks out though and this isn’t even surprising to the announcers. You have to love the power of kayfabe don’t you? Shawn finally gets a tag and HHH looks perfectly fresh.

Even Hulk Hogan thinks a comeback like this is stupid. JR says it’s adrenaline. I say it’s nonsense. As if 9 run ins weren’t enough, we make it a perfect ten as Umaga comes out. Oh wait it’s 11 since Estrada is with him. We now have 15 people in this match, not counting the referee and 4 announcers, all of which have been involved in this match. Counting Lillian, that’s 21 people that have been at ringside that we know the names of and have been involved in this match somehow.

Anyone else think that’s a lot? It turns out that the person DX was talking to was Kane who chases Umaga off to start their feud which, shockingly enough, Kane jobbed in. Shane sets up for Coast to Coast but Shawn…knees him in the leg I guess, to stop it. Of course it’s called Sweet Chin Music. It’s probably good that he did that as Shane would have been about a foot short. Vince takes both finishers to end this mess.

The recaps and celebration goes on for about two and a half minutes just to make sure we know that this was really a huge win for our triumphant heroes. Somewhere around JR’s 8th sports analogy for how amazing DX’s win is, the faces are finally about to leave the arena. Oh wait, we have MORE replays for you. To begin with, they set for their double pose but I think Shawn’s elbow is hurt as he can’t do the double bicep. He was holding it earlier after going ove the top rope with Shane.

They do a very good job of changing the camera angle for the Shane kick as it’s from behind Shawn now and therefore looks like he actually got the kick. That’s very smart and well done so points for that. Some big fat guy comes out about a foot and Shawn sort of acknowledges him, which I’d assume is someone saying to wrap this up as it’s over. I don’t think he was supposed to be on camera.

Rating: C-. This was a very hard one to grade as it’s just a mess. With more than ten people running in that aren’t involved in the match at all, it’s a hard one to grade. However, I’ll give them credit for FINALLY getting the idea behind Vince as the evil owner right. However, at the end of the day, there was too much going on here for it to be taken seriously. The flaw with this feud is simple: DX are former world champions, and Vince and Shane are businessmen.

There’s no reason to believe that the McMahons would have a chance at all here. Granted they got the theory correct by adding in a lot of people that know what they’re doing to make the feud more interesting. It was better than I’m making it sound, but it wasn’t great.

Kane actually helped out a lot here as he took away some of the ridiculous odds for DX. JR needs to shut up though, as for about 20 minutes he did nothing but talk about how great DX was and how evil the McMahons were. It’s one thing to mention it a few times, but he must have cracked the 20s in times he complained about it. It was completely annoying and WAY overdone.

Wrestlemania 23 is in Detroit.

Time for the final recap of the night as we look at Cena vs. Edge. They tried as hard as they could to make this an epic feud and they got as close as possible without actually getting there. Edge won MITB in 2005 and shocked the world by stealing the title in January after an Elimination Chamber win by Cena. I remember watching that match and texting a former friend of mine that was a diehard Cena mark. I told her the next day that Cena lost the title to Edge and she almost fell over.

The reaction was great. Cena got the title back soon enough but Edge won it from RVD on Raw in July. Edge beat up Cena’s father 6 days prior to this, and Cena is the hometown boy here. We cut to the theme song of the show to get more clips from this feud, including the live sex celebration that as I’ve said a dozen times, was nothing special. It truly wasn’t. It was them moving around under a blanket and nothing more. Big freaking deal.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Apparently if Edge gets disqualified he loses the title. Cena gets a VERY mixed reaction. The main selling point here is Cena’s father, which makes a lot of sense actually. Lita needs to freaking cut her bangs. You have a hot face. Show it off. She’s Women’s Champion here which was her final reign I believe. Correction it’s her next to last reign as she would lose to Trish next month in Toronto so Trish could retire as champion.

Lita was gone in November, leaving the whole division completely destroyed, the issues of which are still being felt to this day. This is more or less standard stuff with Edge getting close to a bunch of count out wins. On one of these, Edge knocks Cena to the floor and Cena’s eyes are just hilarious. They’re bugged out all over the place as he looks like he just remembered that Christmas is tomorrow or some other cliché from a bad movie.

For some reason I have My Immortal by Evanescence stuck in my head. As you can tell, this match isn’t holding my attention that well. Fans are solidly behind Edge it would seem. You have to love that in Cena’s hometown he’s still not popular. This was the era that Cena was beginning to be truly despised by a lot of fans in, as he was just constantly shoved down our throats, and it would only get worse as the year long title reign was coming.

However, I think those criticisms are unfair for one simple reason: who else was the title going to go on? HHH would be injured in just a few months, HBK lost to Cena at Mania before feuding with Orton and would leave for knee surgery (which had to be legit. It’s an HBK knee injury after all), and Cena was feuding with Edge right here. In short, who was there left to put the belt on, Umaga? See what I mean? There were no other choices other than for Cena to hold the title.

We get a Cena chant that is a lot stronger than I think it actually was if that makes sense. Cena starts his huge comeback of all his standard stuff, complete with an STFU. Lita sets up with the belt to hit Cena but Edge says no as it would cost him the title. She slips him some brass knucks after he makes the ropes though. FU is countered and Edge nails him in the back of the head with the brass which sounds awesome to end it and the show.

Rating: C+. This was fine, but just fine. It’s nothing epic at all despite what the announcers would like you to believe. There really wasn’t a solid main event this year and it showed bad. This would probably be the best choice for it though, as there’s not a lot that would have topped this.

Either way, the match was just ok, but it felt like the title should have changed here. It would change the next month in Toronto as Cena was booed out of the building, so why wait? Why not have Cena get the big win here in his own hometown? Either way, this was ok but nothing great.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is the epitome of slightly above average. Everything on it is just ok. There isn’t a big moment or a big match that makes it jump off the page at you, as Flair and Foley or Cena/Edge is probably the match of the night by pure default. It’s an ok show and watchable, but it’s nothing great at all.

DX vs. McMahons was ok, but just ok. That’s the only thing I can think of to describe any of the matches on here: ok, but just ok. It’s nothing special at all and because of that, it’s right in the middle of recommended and not recommended. Some might like it but others will be bored out of their minds.

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Smackdown
Date: March 9, 2007
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Wrestlemania is less than a month away and the only story that matters around here is Batista vs. Undertaker. That’s more than enough to carry a show but it could make for some fairly rough Smackdowns on the way there. Both guys are in action tonight though and we could be in for a good one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long video on Undertaker and Batista, who have called each other out over and over. Tonight, they’re both in the building for the first time since No Way Out.

King Booker vs. Matt Hardy

No entrance for Booker and Queen Sharmell is on commentary. Cole explains that this match is about “establishing dominance” going to Wrestlemania. Seems like a building momentum situati….and Cole says that too before I can even get it out. They trade right hands to start until Hardy pulls him into a headlock takeover. Booker is sent outside for a slingshot dive and we take an early break.

Back with Booker working on the arm with Sharmell screaming a bit. A spinning kick to the face drops Matt for two but he reverses a suplex into a pretty sloppy looking one of his own. Hardy grabs a Russian legsweep for two and the middle rope elbow to the back of the head has Booker down again. Sharmell offers a distraction but Booker misses the kick to the head. Instead, Booker blocks the Twist of Fate, allowing Sharmell to hit Matt with a shoe. The ax kick gives Booker the pin.

Rating: C. You might have expected a bit more than this from these two as it just wasn’t very good. That’s kind of the problem with the matches building towards Money in the Bank though: they couldn’t figure out if this was about building momentum or establishing dominance and the match was messy as a result. I’m sure this will make all the difference in the world at Money in the Bank though, as commentary promised it mattered.

Batista, after watching a video on the Streak and hitting on Kristal a bit, promises to break the Streak and retain the title. As for Kane tonight, it’s time for a Wrestlemania preview.

Maryse welcomes us back to the show.

We recap the long guest referee announcement from Raw with Steve Austin as the big reveal.

MVP comes in to see Teddy Long and calls Kristal a chicken head. Long: “I don’t appreciate you calling Kristal a chicken head.” Anyway, the point is that MVP didn’t get pinned in last week’s Money in the Bank qualifying match so he wants a US Title shot at Wrestlemania. Long will consider it.

Kane says Batista has no idea how right he was when he called Kane sick, demented and twisted.

Kane vs. Batista

Non-title. Kane actually wrestles him down to the mat to start (that’s some sick, demented and twisted amateur grappling) but Batista is back up with a clothesline in the corner. Some hard shots to the face put Batista down in the corner for some boot choking but he comes back with a DDT for two. We take a break and come back with Kane being knocked outside, where he takes over with more right hands.

Back in and Kane grabs a bodyscissors of all things to keep Batista in trouble. A knee to the back stays on the ribs, which are then bent around the post. The kneeling bearhug goes on and some forearms to the back cut off the comeback attempt. Kane kicks him in the side of the head but the top rope clothesline is knocked out of the air. The cover is countered (you don’t see that every day) with a grab to the throat but Batista’s own kick to the head gets two.

A side slam gets two on Batista and now the top rope clothesline connects for two more. The chokeslam is reversed into the spinebuster but the Batista Bomb attempt is driven into the corner. Kane gets two off the chokeslam and the elbow pad comes off in frustration. Since Kane has never seen an Undertaker match, he rains down right hands in the corner, only to be reversed into the Batista Bomb for the pin.

Rating: B. This was the power match that these two should have had and it worked well. Kane worked on the back to take away the power but then got stupid in the end to cost him. I liked this more than I was expecting to as they set up a logical story (Batista gets a Wrestlemania preview/warmup) and they over delivered. Good stuff.

Video on Bobby Lashley’s troubles with Vince McMahon over the last few weeks.

Celebrities pick Vince vs. Trump. John Travolta still has no idea what he’s being asked about.

It’s time for the FIRST EVER MizTV, with Miz sitting on the mat between the chairs to introduce the show. He needs a hot, smoking guest to start so here is Ashley. She is rather excited about the Playboy release on Monday….and here is Melina to interrupt, with Miz announcing her as the other guest (See? He wasn’t being stupid by sitting between the chairs. Just being polite.).

Melina doesn’t like the attention that Ashley is getting for taking her clothes off because the only man who gets to see Melina like that is Johnny Nitro. Ashley: “That ain’t what I heard honey.” The Wrestlemania title match is set up in a hurry and the catfight is on with Ashley standing tall.

Kane, still tired from his match, doesn’t like being asked about a comparison between Undertaker and Batista at the moment. Great Khali comes in and lays Kane out with some headbutts, busting Kane open in the process. Khali rams him into a metal fence to leave him laying. That looked good and Khali looked even more like a monster than usual.

Mr. Kennedy vs. CM Punk

Back with Kennedy hammering away and grabbing a cravate as the CM PUNK chants start up. Punk fights back, including the leg lariat for two and a whip to send Kennedy shoulder first into the post. Now the running knee can connect to set up the bulldog out of the corner but Kennedy knocks him off the ropes to tie Punk up. A hanging neckbreaker, with a quick camera cut in the middle, finishes Punk.

Rating: C. Kind of a slow paced match here and Punk lost in a hurry. That being said, Kennedy was a much bigger star at this point and shouldn’t be losing to just about anyone, especially as his star seems to be rising even more. I’m not sure I would have had Punk losing either, but he hasn’t been doing much of late either.

Finlay isn’t scared of the Undertaker because he is all grown up. He isn’t afraid of the dark, death or the Undertaker. Who cares if Undertaker wants to take him to h***? He’s Irish, so he has already been there.

Finlay vs. Undertaker

This could be interesting. Undertaker goes straight to the shoulder and Old School gets an early two. The arm is tied around the ropes for some right hands but Finlay rakes the eyes. A single right hand knocks Undertaker to the floor with Finlay following, only to be sent into the barricade. Hornswoggle comes out for a distraction but gets stared back, allowing Finlay to get in a chair shot to the ribs to take over.

We take a break and come back with Finlay staying on the ribs as he should be. Undertaker gets in a shot to the face and they fight to the floor, with Undertaker getting in the big boot on the apron. There’s the apron legdrop and Finlay is sent face first into the announcers’ table. Finlay manages to send him into the steps though and the knee is banged up to match the ribs.

The ribs are sent into the apron but he catches a diving Finlay coming off the apron for a ram into the post. Finlay sends him into the steps again though and some knees to the ribs keep Undertaker in trouble back inside. The ribs are fine enough to reverse a suplex into one of his own to put Finlay down again.

They slug it out until Undertaker hits the jumping clothesline. The running corner clotheslines rock Finlay again and Snake Eyes into the legdrop gets two. Cue Hornswoggle for the Shillelagh shot, which has no effect. Finlay’s low blow has an effect but the referee gets bumped. The Shillelagh shot to the head gets a delayed two but Undertaker is back up with the chokeslam and Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: B. Another rather good power match here, though the shenanigans at the end didn’t help things. Undertaker is feeling it right now and having him in there against people like Finlay is going to make it better. I did like Undertaker having none of the Hornswoggle nonsense, though Hornswoggle is terrified of the Boogeyman but not Undertaker? Anyway, good main event here, as you probably expected.

Post match Batista comes out for the staredown, including thumbs up, thumbs down. Undertaker’s eyes go big to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Smackdown, and arguably WWE as a whole, is feeling it right now as things are clicking at the right time. Wrestlemania is all but set and they even added something else tot he card this week. I actually want to see the show (even if the obsession with Trump vs. McMahon is getting annoying, though you can’t argue with the success) and that says a lot for a show I’ve seen several times before. Very strong show this week and hopefully they can keep it up for the next few weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2007
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are less than a month away from Wrestlemania and for once, the build is actually clicking really well. There is a lot of focus on the Battle of the Billionaires, which is hardly the most thrilling story due to the people involved, but just about everything else has my interest. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

John Cena comes up to Shawn Michaels in the back (to a THUNDEROUS CENA chant) and asks what is up with Shawn. Michaels says he isn’t going to turn on him, but Cena wants some more reassurance. What makes this one so different? Shawn: “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not.” Cena has Shawn’s back tonight, but Shawn says he doesn’t need it. That’s not cool with Cena, who will have Shawn’s back. Shawn says he doesn’t want or need Cena’s help and walks off.

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Edge is here with Orton, who punches Shawn down to start. That doesn’t last long, as Shawn is back up with a clothesline out to the floor. Back in and Orton punches him down a few more times, followed by a rather evil rake to the eyes. Orton sends him crashing out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Orton holding a pretty bad Boston crab and Shawn teasing the tap until he makes it over to the rope.

Shawn is back up with a crossbody for two but Orton drops him hard with the hanging DDT. A dropkick sets up the chinlock, which draws Shawn back to his feet for the chops. The atomic drop into the slam sets up the top rope elbow but Sweet Chin Music is countered into the RKO attempt, which is countered with a shove into the referee. Orton hits a clothesline and Edge throws in a title, but the referee intercepts the belt. That’s enough for Shawn to grab a rollup for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. It’s two main eventers getting some time and having a story to set up the match. That’s going to work every time and it was one of the better Raw matches in recent memory as a result. I liked what we got here and you know something else is going to happen after the match to make things that much better. Rather good opener here, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

Post match Edge throws in a chair, with Orton laying Shawn out with an RKO. Cue John Cena for the late save.

We recap Bobby Lashley destroying the cage to crush Umaga on ECW.

Vince McMahon asks Armando Alejandro Estrada what kind of mood Umaga is in tonight against Jeff Hardy. Estrada has something planned and leaves. Coach thinks Vince is worried about the guest referee being named for the Battle of the Millionaires. Vince of course isn’t, because he has made a suggestion, as Chairman of the Board: Shane McMahon.

Intercontinental Title: Umaga vs. Jeff Hardy

Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada, is defending. Hardy avoids an early charge in the corner and they sent outside where Umaga gets dropkicked off the steps. Back in and Umaga blasts him with a clothesline before cannonballing down onto Hardy’s chest. Hardy tries to fight up and gets clotheslined down again, meaning it’s time to go into the Tree of Woe. The running headbutt knocks Hardy silly and it’s the running hip attack into the Samoan Spike to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Total squash here for the most part and that’s what it should have been. Umaga has jumped up the ladder and he should be squashing Hardy at the moment. It did what it was supposed to do and is going to make Bobby Lashley look that much better when he can go toe to toe with Umaga.

We recap Bobby Lashley’s week: brawling with Umaga on Raw, beating Hardcore Holly on ECW and turning down Vince McMahon’s offer to jump on Smackdown.

Some low level celebrities and John Travolta give their picks on the Battle of the Billionaires. Travolta does not seem to have any idea what he is being asked about.

Ric Flair and Carlito are in a Money in the Bank qualifying match tonight and Flair is very confident that he’s winning tonight and at Wrestlemania. Flair: “Why? Because I can. WOO!”

Shane McMahon calls Vince McMahon and thinks the Board of Directors votes how Vince wants. More later.

Here is Jim Duggan to take the Masterlock Challenge. The hold goes on, Duggan is in trouble, the fans chant USA, Duggan can’t fight out, Masters wins. This is about two minutes of the show.

We recap Shawn Michaels getting beaten down until John Cena made the late save.

Shawn isn’t happy with Cena, but will still have his back tonight. Cena doesn’t seem impressed.

Here is Vince McMahon for the announcement about the guest referee. Before we get to that though, Vince has an announcement: next week, Donald Trump will be here to sign the contract for Wrestlemania. If Trump gets out of line, it is going to be the McMahon B**** Slap. As for the guest referee…..here is Eric Bischoff. Don’t worry though because he isn’t the guest referee, but he does live in Phoenix. We hear about the garbage truck firing and Bischoff can’t wait to see Vince bald.

Bischoff leaves and Vince wants the guest referee….so here is Mick Foley in a referee shirt. Vince: “How are the kids?” Vince is clearly nervous and seems to hint at a bribe, but Mick would rather have his old job back. That’s granted, but Mick also wants unlimited access to pop in and plug his new book, the Hardcore Diaries. Oh and could Vince pick up his room service bill, including an adult double feature? Sure on that too, but Foley isn’t the referee for Wrestlemania. He’s the referee for a rib eating contest between Charles Barkley and the Phoenix Suns Gorilla.

Cue the Gorilla so Vince throws them both out as Shane McMahon comes out to replace them. Vince is thrilled, but Shane says they lost. Vince: “If you’re not the guest referee…..” And cue the glass shatter, giving us an all time Vince Face with the Wrestlemania sign behind him. Steve Austin comes out, hits the buckles, won’t shake Vince’s hand, and drinks a lot. He does throw some beer on Vince for old times’ sake and the fans are very pleased. As usual, Austin knows when he doesn’t have to do anything more than the classics without saying a word. The fake referees were great too, with Austin being a perfect payoff.

Post break, Foley leaves with the Gorilla, giving Ron Simmons something to swear about.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Melina

Melina is defending, Falls Count Anywhere, and Ashley is guest ring announcer. As luck would have it, Lawler has Ashley’s Playboy, with the expected reactions. They waste no time in brawling to the back with Mickie tossing her over a makeup table. Now it’s time to go into the women’s locker room, with Lawler demanding wider camera angles. Victoria goes after Mickie but Torrie Wilson hairsprays Melina in the face. Candice Michelle pops up in a towel, which is ripped off in a hurry.

They head back into the arena and the ring with Mickie throwing her around by the hair over and over. Melina is sat on top for a super hurricanrana but holds on, leaving Mickie to crash ONTO HER HEAD, allowing Melina to get the pin. That was terrifying and I would hope not how it was planned.

Rating: D+. Well that was completely terrifying and not something I ever need to see again. Mickie crashed down hard and thankfully they got straight to the pin after that. The Falls Count Anywhere stuff was little more than a way to feature some of the other women and Ashley’s Playboy gets another plug. I don’t know how much the match mattered, but that is often the case with the title.

Post match Melina goes to yell at Ashley, who shoves her down. Ashley helps Mickie to her feet, which is quite the relief.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Carlito vs. Ric Flair

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito. Flair gets backed into the corner to start and stomps away until Flair chops his way to freedom. Carlito knocks him down again though and stomps away, setting up a snap suplex for two. The left hands are rained down so Flair chops away even more. The knee drop gets two and Flair grabs a chinlock. That’s broken up as well, allowing Carlito to hit the springboard back elbow….and here is Great Khali to jump them both. There is no bell so we’ll call that a no contest, meaning no winner.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to do much but it wasn’t going to be very good in the first place. The story works well enough but it isn’t like this is a great idea. Flair as a mentor to Carlito is still a little weird, but so is barely having Carlito ever win anything. I’d assume one turns on the other in the end, though that could take some time.

Post match Khali says he wants Kane.

Here’s the Steve Austin appearance again.

Austin will be on ECW.

The newest Hall of Fame inductee is…..Nick Bockwinkel. That would be this year’s “how is he not in already” entrant.

Randy Orton makes it very clear to Edge: he does NOT have his back tonight.

John Cena vs. Edge

Non-title….and non-Edge at first as MNM comes out instead. Cue Edge to say he is a civil rights activist (yes) and since Arizona was one of the last states to recognize Martin Luther King Jr. Day, something needs to be done. Johnny Nitro’s great great grandmother was Black so he’s getting to face Cena instead. I really was not expecting that one so well done….maybe?

John Cena vs. Johnny Nitro

Non-title with the rest of MNM and Edge at ringside. Nitro kicks him down to start and sends him outside, where Mercury gets in a posting. Cena goes into the steps and it’s a chinlock to keep him down back inside. That’s broken up with raw power and Cena starts the clothesline comeback. The ProtoBomb into the Shuffle means Cena has to knock Edge off the apron. The AA is broken up by Mercury for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Another match that didn’t have time to go anywhere and was only there to set something up going forward. Edge’s line to get out of the match was completely out there, but it worked well for the kind of coward that he can be. Barely a match of course, but Nitro isn’t feeling like a complete accident in these roles anymore.

Post match the beatdown, including the Snapshot, is on. Cue Shawn Michaels, who teases running in for the save but turns around….only to run in and save Cena. Now it’s Cena’s change to be confused to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t very good here outside of the opener but the Steve Austin surprise worked well. They have the card set and now it is time to hammer things home. There are still a few weeks to go until Wrestlemania so hopefully the feuds have been mapped out well. Otherwise you run out of ideas in a hurry and the last few weeks are awful. Not a great show here, but Wrestlemania is looking strong.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 26, 2007
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 8,700
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re rapidly approaching Wrestlemania and this time around we have more from Donald Trump. This week, Trump gets to pick his representative to face Umaga in the Battle of the Billionaires, which is going to be the show’s real main event. Other than that, we have the continuing saga of Shawn Michaels trying to keep John Cena safe until Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Battle of the Billionaires, leading to Trump returning tonight.

Tag Team Titles: John Cena/Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO

Cena and Michaels are defending….or at least they should be. Instead, Rated-RKO pops up on screen to say they aren’t ready to compete right now. Instead, they’ll have this match later tonight.

Randy Orton says that Shawn got robbed at the Oscars last night, because he managed to say that he had Cena’s back until Wrestlemania. Cena needs to watch his back because Shawn is a liar. We see a video history of Shawn turning on his partners, which really has happened a lot. Back in the arena, Cena isn’t sure what to think as Edge calls Shawn a liar. Having your back and stabbing you in the back are two different things. See you later tonight. Staring ensues, with Shawn saying “you can trust me.” Right.

Mick Foley has a new book: the Hardcore Diaries, complete with a lot of celebrities.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton doesn’t get an entrance but we do get an explanation of Money in the Bank, plus Big Match Intros. Benjamin takes him to the mat without much effort to start but Hardy is back up with a few kicks to the ribs. Hardy gets taken down again though and Benjamin hammers away, setting up the quickly broken chinlock. A few more shots send Benjamin outside, meaning Hardy can run the barricade to hit the clothesline. The Whisper in the Wind connects but it’s too early for the Swanton, with Benjamin jumping up for a belly to belly superplex into the big crash.

We take a break and come back with Benjamin holding a chinlock with a bodyscissors. Hardy fights up but gets backdropped right down for a fast two. Another chinlock goes on until Hardy fights up again, this time sending Benjamin to the apron. Benjamin slips off a springboard and lands HARD, allowing Hardy to grab a quick two. The Stinger Splash hits buckle and it’s a Twist of Fate into the Swanton to give Hardy the fast pin.

Rating: C. The botch just before the ending is what is going to be remembered here, as there is no way around something like that. Benjamin fell and landed on his face, thankfully without some kind of an injury. Hardy going to Money in the Bank makes a lot more sense here as Benjamin is just a tag guy at the moment.

Post match, Vince McMahon pops up on screen to sarcastically congratulate Jeff for winning. Jeff didn’t win last week when he faced Umaga though, just like whoever Donald Trump picks at Wrestlemania won’t do. We get some of the HILARIOUS shots of Trump in various stages of baldness, which Vince promises we will see at Wrestlemania.

Video on Ashley’s Playboy shoot.

Melina rants and raves about Ashley and Mick Foley getting all of this attention. Next week she has to face Mickie James in a Falls Count Anywhere match and tonight she has to face Maria. Johnny Nitro: “SHUT UP!” Nitro goes on a rant about how he isn’t going to Wrestlemania and has nothing, but he doesn’t have time to listen to her right now.

Johnny Nitro vs. Super Crazy

Nitro jumps him before the bell and the beating is on outside. Crazy is sent hard into the steps, setting up a faceplant on the floor. That’s enough for Nitro, who walks away still furious.

Melina vs. Maria

Non-title and Melina has the paparazzi, which Nitro was lacking. Melina takes her down by the hair to start and it’s already in catfight territory. Back up and Maria misses a dropkick as Melina holds onto the rope. Choking ensues on said ropes, with Lawler saying Maria can teach you some new positions. The camel clutch doesn’t last long on Maria, who fights up and knocks her into the corner. The Bronco Buster is blocked with a kick to the ribs though, allowing Melina to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was as good as it was going to get between these two as Melina is still getting the hang of this and Maria was never exactly good in the first place. The idea here was to get Melina in the ring and show that she could do something other than beating Mickie James. It wasn’t a good match, but what else were you expecting under these circumstances?

Wrestlemania is in thirty four days.

Here is Vince McMahon to find out Donald Trump’s Wrestlemania pick. Vince recaps the Battle of the Billionaires concept and explains why Trump is here. He isn’t sure what he wants more: Trump being bald or giving Trump a billionaire b**** slap. Before we get to that though, we see a clip of Umaga destroying Rey Mysterio on Smackdown, just to eliminate Rey from the list of options.

Vince brings out Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada before explaining that Trump made his career on outdoing someone else. This might include building a skyscraper or marrying a good looking woman, causing Trump to get divorced and marry a better looking one. If Trump says he’s winning at Wrestlemania, Vince will turn him into a bald faced liar.

Trump pops up on screen to say he is impressed by Umaga (dang he pronounced it right), but Umaga is an animal. You tame animals, and Trump will do that by finding someone or something superior. Therefore, here is the man responsible for Trump shaving Vince’s head at Wrestlemania: Bobby Lashley. Cue Lashley, with Vince demanding that security get out here right now. Umaga hits him in the face and the brawl is on, with security not being able to hold them apart for very long. This was a hot angle and the fight looked great.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge with….Great Khali answering. Oh dear. Chris Masters isn’t sure what to do as Khali sits in the chair, as he can’t get his arms around Khali’s shoulders. Cue Kane though and the violence is on, with a bunch of chair shots getting rid of Khali and Masters. This was short and to the point as we seem to have our Wrestlemania monster fight.

Vince McMahon is rating at Coach about Trump when he gets a phone call. Someone on the Board of Directors has an idea: a guest referee for the Battle of the Billionaires. Coach thinks that would be unfair but Vince isn’t so sure. Either way, he isn’t winding up bald.

Jerry Lawler is announced for the Hall of Fame. Lawler seems touched by the announcement and we get the Hall of Fame video, including some pretty sweet Memphis footage.

We recap the opening sequence, including the Shawn betrayal montage again.

Carlito vs. Kenny Dykstra

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito and we’re joined in progress with Dykstra holding a chinlock. With a few moments to kill, we see Dykstra calling Carlito Flair’s flunkie during the break to set Carlito off. Carlito fights back and hits the springboard spinning Swanton but Dykstra pokes him in the eye. A flapjack gives Carlito two anyway but another springboard misses. Dykstra sends him right first into the apron for two and some shoulders to the ribs make it worse.

We hit the seated abdominal stretch, followed by a knee to the ribs to cut off Carlito’s comeback. Now it’s the standing abdominal stretch, including the notable lack of toe hooking. As a result, Carlito sends him to the apron and hits the springboard back elbow back inside. A hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two on Carlito but Dykstra misses a charge into the corner. Carlito Backstabs him for the pin.

Rating: C-. As usual, Carlito isn’t exactly thrilling but the rib stuff was fine for a midcard Raw match. They didn’t need to do anything more than this as the idea was for Carlito to get a win. Granted I’m not sure how much it means to beat Dykstra, but it is better than losing week after week.

Ric Flair comes out to applaud Carlito.

Vince McMahon is still annoyed and is going to ECW to make Bobby Lashley’s life a nightmare.

Tag Team Titles: John Cena/Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO

Cena and Michaels are defending and Shawn keeps his eye on Cena during the entrances. Shawn and Edge start things off with Shawn working on the arm. That’s enough for Edge so Orton comes in and gets pummeled in the corner by Orton. Cena gets taken into the wrong corner though and the villains take over. Edge forearms him down without much trouble and it’s back to Orton for the right hands to the head.

Some choking in the corner sets up more right hands as the offense hasn’t exactly taken off yet. Cena’s release fisherman’s suplex gets him a breather though and it’s off to Shawn to pick up the pace. The top rope elbow hits Orton and it’s an atomic drop to put Edge on the floor. Shawn tries Sweet Chin Music but Orton ducks, meaning Cena has to catch the boot instead.

We take a break and come back with Edge cranking on Shawn’s arms. The comeback is cut off by the Edgecution and it’s back to Orton to stomp away. The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by the backbreaker for two. It’s back to Edge for the sleeper, which is broken up like any common sleeper. Shawn gets over for the tag to Cena as everything breaks down, with Shawn being sent outside. The spear is countered into the AA but Orton comes in with one of the belts. Shawn takes it away and hits Edge, only to throw it back to Orton. Edge sees Orton holding it and walks off, leaving Orton to get superkicked into the AA for the pin.

Rating: C+. They were in a bit of an interesting place here as I could have seen it going either way. Cena and Michaels dropping the titles to let them focus on their Wrestlemania match would have made sense, but so does Michaels continuing to guard Cena. I like the way they went, and now it seems they have a way to wrap up Rated-RKO. The team doesn’t need to be around any longer anyway so it isn’t some great loss.

The long staredown between Cena and Michaels ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. They’re doing a good job of making me want to see Wrestlemania and that is more than I would have bet on coming into the season. Almost all of the matches are already set and that does not leave much to do other than push everything across the finish line. This show did a nice job of doing just that, and I want to see the show more than I ever would have bet on leading up to it. Another pretty good show here, but another good step towards Wrestlemania.

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 19, 2007
Location: Rabobank Arena, Bakersfield, California
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with No Way Out and that means we have less than six weeks to go before Wrestlemania XXIII. The main events are set but we still need a bit more of the card to come together. That means we could be in for something good tonight, which will likely not include another appearance from Donald Trump. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a barber’s chair and barber shop pole in the ring (which is thankfully minus any windows). Vince McMahon comes out to say the Battle of the Billionaires is ready on and he can’t believe it. Donald Trump is going to come into his most prized creation, where Vince’s representative is going to beat him. Then McMahon is going to go over and beat Trump up, so that he can tell Trump that it’s time to be bald.

The good thing is that being bald is en vogue right now, so we look at Brittney Spears with her shaved head. Vince talks about the various haircuts he might give Trump, which means we get a McMahon favorite: WACKY PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES!!! Anyway, Vince wants us to meet his personal representative, so here is Umaga. Armando Alejandro Estrada talks about how Umaga is happy to be Vince’s representative, but Vince isn’t done. Right now, Umaga is going to become…..the Intercontinental Champion!

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga is challenging and we are joined in progress with Hardy sending Umaga outside. The baseball slide through the ropes staggers Umaga but the slingshot dive is pulled out of the air. That’s escaped as well so Hardy runs the barricade, only to have his dive knocked away with ease.

They head back in where Umaga drops a leg and we hit the nerve hold as Lawler talks about how horrible it is to have your head shaved. Hardy manages to avoid the charge in the corner so Umaga’s head slams into the post. The Whisper in the Wind gets two but Umaga catches him with the Samoan drop. The running hip attack in the corner sets up the Samoan Spike to give Umaga the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Hardy was the sacrificial lamb here and that’s all he was supposed to be. They needed to make Umaga look like a bigger deal going into his huge Wrestlemania match so putting him over a popular star like Hardy makes sense. Umaga winning the title is hardly some big upset so go with the right move here and everyone wins. Well maybe not Hardy.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito and Flair, the latter of whom takes over on Cade’s arm to start. Carlito comes in for the springboard elbow to the face and the running knee lift. A distraction lets Cade hit a Side Effect though and Murdoch comes in to hammer away. The villains take turns stomping away and we hit the neck crank on Carlito.

A back elbow to the face puts him down again but Murdoch misses an elbow. It’s back to Flair for the rapid fire chops and right hands, setting up the chop block. The Figure Four is paused so Flair can punch Cade out of the air, allowing Carlito to come in for a double clothesline to the floor. Flair hits Murdoch low and the Backstabber gives Carlito the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match here as Carlito and Flair are starting the mentor/mentee deal. Granted it might be a bit better if it was anyone but Carlito, though at least they have something going on here. I’m not sure how far this is going to go, but Flair in a midcard role to give Carlito a rub is going to work out well enough.

John Cena and Shawn Michaels are happy they won last night but Shawn’s goal is still to keep Cena safe until Wrestlemania. Violence is teased….but Shawn plugs the new DX DVD instead. Cena counters with the unrated version of the Marine DVD. They brag about their DVDs until Big Dick Johnson comes in to dance. Shawn superkicks him, earning a thank you from Cena.

Rated-RKO is getting a Tag Team Title shot next week and Randy Orton is ready to destroy John Cena tonight. Edge is more excited about Money in the Bank so he better go qualify.

We look at Edge winning Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania XXI.

We look at Rob Van Dam winning Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania XXII.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Edge vs. Rob Van Dam

Edge’s wristlock doesn’t get him very far to start as Van Dam slips away and hits the finger pointing. Some kicks put Edge into the corner for the monkey flip and it’s time to go to the floor for a break. Back with Van Dam working on an armbar and then cranking back on said arm for two. Rob knocks him outside and hits the spinning kick to the back over the barricade.

Edge is rocked but he is fine enough to come back with a hanging swinging neckbreaker. It’s Rob in trouble for the first time and Edge goes really evil by mocking the finger point. Dude, gimmick infringement is never cool. The chinlock goes on until Rob kicks him in the head for the break and there’s the running spinwheel kick in the corner. Rolling Thunder is loaded up but Edge reverses into a powerslam in a nice counter.

Edge crotches him on top but the superplex attempt is broken up with another crotching. Rob kicks him to the floor and follows with a nice dive. Back in and Edge dropkicks him out of the air for two, only to have the spear hit the corner. The split legged moonsault gives Van Dam two more and there’s the step over kick to the face. The Five Star is loaded up but Randy Orton comes out for the distraction, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the pin.

Rating: B-. These two were having a heck of a match and I was getting into the back and forth stuff to the point where the Orton interference surprised me. Edge winning is fine and it makes sense to push a Raw star over one of the only ECW stars, so go with what makes the most sense in a pretty big match. The fact that it was good made it even better.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina is challenging and even JR is half drooling over the two of them. They fight over a lockup to start with neither being able to get very far. Mickie takes her down by the hair and hits a basement dropkick to send Melina outside. The baseball slide is cut off and Mickie is sent into the barricade for a crash.

Back in and Melina throws her down by the hair before tying up the legs. That goes nowhere as Mickie sweeps the legs and hammers away, followed by some hair tosses. The Thesz press lets Mickie hammer away even more but Melina grabs the ropes to counter a hurricanrana. Mickie lands HARD on her head, allowing Melina to grab a jackknife cover for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. That felt like an injury ending and if that is the case, good for them for wrapping up the match as soon as they did. It was a nasty landing and the medics checking on Mickie after the match was hardly surprising. Melina winning the title makes sense as she has been the biggest star in the division as of late so let her run with the thing.

Post match Mickie is checked on while the paparazzi swarm Melina.

Post break, Mickie doesn’t want to talk about what happened and slaps Todd Grisham for not getting it.

Great Khali vs. Highlanders

Khali knocks both of them around like he’s the Great Khali and they’re the Highlanders and the chop puts Rory on the floor. Robbie gets chokeslammed for the pin with a boot on the chest.

Some of the cast of Grindhouse is here.

We look back at the opening sequence and the HILARIOUS Trump photos. There was a Mr. T. and Hulk Hogan version for Wrestlemania flavor.

Kenny Dykstra is asking Coach for more competition but Great Khali comes in to scare Kenny off. Khali wants better competition and Coach agrees. That’s enough for Khali to leave, so here is Ron Simmons for a subdued catchphrase.

Ashley revealed her Playboy cover on Smackdown.

Melina is happy to have won the title but she wants to know why Ashley is getting all of the attention. Do you know how many times she has turned Playboy down?

Mr. Perfect is going into the Hall of Fame, as he should. We get a montage of Perfect being amazing at sports, which it turns out he could do, but not when the camera was on. The solution? Lie to him about the camera being on.

Wrestlemania Recall: Wrestlemania I.

Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Non-title. Orton drives him into the corner to start and stomps him down without much effort. Cena is right back with the release fisherman’s suplex for two, with JR connecting the bridges and calling it a near PerfectPlex. A slam and elbow get two on Orton but Cena misses a charge and gets clotheslined down for the same. It doesn’t seem to bother Cena, who is right back with a bulldog to send Orton outside. Back in and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down for a breather. Orton rolls outside again and grabs a chair as we take a break.

Back with Cena missing the shoulder and Orton hits the hanging DDT. Orton hammers him down in the corner and it’s time for the circle stomp. The big knee drop gets two and we hit the rare standing chinlock. Make that the seated chinlock but Cena powers out, only to get punched in the face. Cena makes the clothesline comeback and it’s the Throwback into the Shuffle. Orton rakes his eyes to escape the FU and there’s a dropkick to put Cena down again. The high crossbody connects but Cena rolls through for two. Orton is back with the backbreaker but the RKO is shoved away. The FU is loaded up again, drawing in Edge for the DQ.

Rating: B-. It’s so weird to see this as a fresh match but these two do work well together. You can see them doing their things and setting up their big stuff but neither of them could get that far ahead. Edge running in for the DQ wasn’t the biggest surprise after Orton ran out earlier, but they were having another good match on the way there.

Post match the Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn Michaels runs in for the save. Shawn grabs the chair and teases hitting Cena but throws it down instead. Shawn: “Not this time.” A tease of a superkick ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show started slowly but picked up near the end, which is always nice to see. You can feel the Wrestlemania build coming and that is a nice feeling, as they are getting the big pieces in place early. Money in the Bank is going to give some other people something to do and the rest of the card can fill itself out. Good enough show here, as the Road to Wrestlemania is starting to come together.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 15, 2007
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for No Way Out, though that only affects one match on this show. Other than that, it is, ahem, a special show as Donald Trump is here in person. I think you know what is going to get the focus this week and it could be a bit of an effort to get through. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

This is a Thursday show due to some unspecified scheduling issue.

Opening sequence.

Vince McMahon comes out to start and wastes no time in introducing Donald Trump, who is flanked by Torrie Wilson and Ashley. Trump shakes Vince’s hand but Vince dismisses the women in a hurry. Vince talks about how Trump has hosted Wrestlemania but this is the first time he has stood in a WWE ring. Trump insists that he is not intimidated so Vince talks about the things that he has done to get on Vince’s nerves. That includes the Rosie O’Donnell segment (Trump: “She really is ugly.”), but Trump messed with Vince’s Fan Appreciation Night by dropping money from the ceiling.

Trump says they’re going to do it again tonight….but Vince found out about it in advance and cut it off. Trump: “I tried!” The fans call Vince an a****** until he asks why Trump is here. Trump: “I’m taller than you, I’m more handsome than you, I think I’m stronger than you.” He’s here to challenge Vince to a match at Wrestlemania, which Vince instantly dubs the Battle of the Billionaires. Vince is injured, but he has an idea of his own: they both pick a representative.

Trump doesn’t like it, because he knows he can beat Vince on his own. They need to raise the stakes, which Vince thinks means money. That’s fun, but they both deal with money all the time, so let’s make it more interesting: hair vs. hair. Trump talks about rumors that they both wear a hairpiece, but Trump heard the story about himself in a big newspaper.

Vince asks the fans what they think and then says no anyway. As Vince leaves, Trump suggests that Vince is a coward before bringing up the Trump vs. Rosie match. He didn’t like it because the actress who played Rosie was too good looking…which is enough to make it work. Art of the Deal or something I guess.

JR and King freak out about what we just heard. As usual, JR is great at getting the point that matters over: “One of the billionaires is going to leave BALD!” I know it is a tagline and whatnot, but that is the thing that you need to remember for the match and JR made it very clear at the end. In other words, that is your parting shot: buy this show and you get to see one of them get their head shaved, so make sure you watch. That’s announcing 101 and it is amazing how you never hear it today.

Melina/Johnny Nitro vs. Super Crazy/Mickie James

The women get in a hair pulling fight before the bell but it’s Nitro shouldering Crazy down to start. Crazy snaps off a monkey flip and hammers away in the corner as Melina gets in a cheap shot on Mickie. There’s the screeching as Nitro knocks Crazy off the top for two. Melina comes in to kick Crazy, who grabs it without much trouble. That lets Mickie come in for an easy shot and there’s the Thesz press to drop Melina again. Everything breaks down and the villains are sent outside, setting up the stereo baseball slides. Morrison posts Crazy, leaving Melina to send Mickie head first into the mat and grab the tights for the pin.

Rating: C-. Kind of a messy match but Melina continues to beat Mickie on the way to her title match. Nitro vs. Crazy isn’t exactly a great feud but it’s also not the point here. Still though, they have done a nice enough job of building Crazy up, even if he is not likely to be anything long term.

Here’s how John Cena became the new #1 contender to John Cena’s WWE Title.

Great Khali vs. Eugene

So much for Eugene’s heel turn, thank goodness. Eugene offers Khali his stuffed Ric Flair bear, earning himself the chop and the chokebomb for the pin in less than a minute.

Shawn Michaels is on the phone with someone but stops to shill the DX merchandise. It’s HHH on the phone, who is watching at home and suggesting how to showcase the gear. With that out of the way, Shawn talks about headlining Wrestlemania for the fifth time (dang I hadn’t realized it was that many) and goes over each match. He was too cocky before, but this time, Mr. Wrestlemania has arrived. Shawn turned it on here and the fire was picking up.

Ric Flair looks at his awesome promo on Carlito last week and says…..nothing actually as here is Carlito to say Flair needs to apologize. Flair goes into another rant about how nothing has changed in a week. Carlito has all the talent in the world but he has not guts or passion. That fires Carlito up and the challenge is on for tonight, with Flair saying that is the first time Carlito has stood up and walked on his own feet.

Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Masters

Non-title but Masters gets a title shot if he wins. Masters jumps him to start but gets sent outside, setting up the slingshot dropkick through the ropes. There’s the slingshot dive but Masters catches him with a powerbomb back inside. The chinlock is broken up with a quick jawbreaker and the mule kick sends Masters into the corner. Hardy gets crotched on top and the Masterlock goes on. A lot of struggling lets Jeff get his legs over the ropes for the break, setting up a rollup to give Hardy the fast pin.

Rating: C-. Another quick match here and I’m glad they didn’t bother setting up Masters’ title match. It isn’t going to happen with Masters and I think WWE has started to figure that out when it comes to giving him anything important. Hardy survived the big hold and won clean, so that should take care of Masters for the time being.

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to introduce Portland’s own Roddy Piper for his first appearance since beating cancer. Piper says it’s nice to be home because Portland, Oregon is a place of class. That makes him think of Wrestlemania and the first inductee into the Hall of Fame: Dusty Rhodes! We get the Hall of Fame video, with some pretty awesome old school footage, as usual.

Dusty comes out and talks about how humbled he is to be here in front of these people in front of Piper’s town. He talks about how he wants his back to crack and his liver to quiver while Piper is out front smoking and shaking. Dusty brings up living the American Dream but here are Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada to interrupt.

Piper goes to leave but Dusty opts to fight, even though Umaga might have been there to deliver him some meatballs and toast. The running hip attack crushes Dusty so Piper comes in with a chair to Umaga for the expected no effect. There’s the Samoan Spike to both legends and Umaga stands tall.

Carlito vs. Ric Flair

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito. They take turns striking away in the corner until Carlito takes over with a backdrop. There’s a dropkick for two, followed by a suplex for some near falls. Some quick choking in the corner sets up another two and it’s time to strike out of the corner. Flair gets the better of the chops and avoids another dropkick before chopping away even more. Carlito manages to send him chest first into the buckle but the Backstabber is blocked with a grab of the rope. The rollup with feet….not on the ropes is enough to pin Carlito.

Rating: C. The ending was a little weird as Flair started to raise his foot but just rolled Carlito up instead. Without the cheating, Carlito looks like even more of a loser than he did last week, which isn’t a great idea when he already doesn’t have a great reputation. Maybe this can go somewhere for him, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

Post match, Carlito is annoyed but shakes Flair’s hand anyway.

Melina is annoyed that there is no media here to announce that she is challenging Mickie James for the Women’s Title next week.

Ashley is excited to unveil her Playboy cover on Smackdown. For this week though, here is a preview of her photo shoot. When asked what one word she would use to describe her Playboy experience, it would be…..and here’s Ron Simmons to hit the catchphrase for a good moment.

MVP and Mr. Kennedy are in the back when Edge and Randy Orton pop in. They are teaming together tonight in an eight man tag, but Orton calls Raw the A show. Edge breaks up that argument and says they’re fighting the people who either have the titles or the title shots. That’s why they need to beat up the other four tonight so they can take the spots.

No Way Out rundown.

Rated-RKO/Mr. Kennedy/MVP vs. John Cena/Shawn Michaels/Batista/Undertaker

After entrances take their sweet time, Orton pounds on Cena, who is right back with a fisherman’s suplex for two. It’s time to crank on the arm but Kennedy comes in to punch Cena in the face. That earns him a shoulder and it’s off to Undertaker for the shots to the face. Old School sets up a Downward Spiral for two with MVP having to make an early save. Shawn comes in for a few shots of his own but Kennedy takes him into the corner so MVP can stomp away.

It’s off to Edge, who gets enziguried down so Batista can come in and powerslam Edge in a hurry. Batista catapults him into the corner and spinebusters everyone in sight. We take a break and come back with Cena coming in off the tag to drop the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Edge. A cheap shot lets Orton come in to work on Cena but Undertaker makes a save of his own. It’s back to MVP for a cravate, setting up Kennedy’s running knee in the corner for two.

Orton’s dropkick gets the same and a hard clothesline gets two more. A double clothesline puts Orton and Cena down though and the hot tag brings in Undertaker to clean house. Snake Eyes into the big boot drops Kennedy but Shawn tags himself in to drop the top rope elbow. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up and everything breaks down, as nature intended. Undertaker teases chokeslamming Shawn but takes out MVP instead. Orton uses the distraction to shove Shawn into Undertaker, who does not take it well. With Undertaker on the floor, Shawn superkicks Orton for the pin.

Rating: C+. You’re only going to get so much out of a match that has so many people involved and that was the case here. They did what they could with everything going on and having Undertaker come in at the end to wreck people is good. I want to see both Wrestlemania matches, but man alive is it a long way to get there.

Post match it’s a chokeslam to Shawn, so Cena is in to go after Undertaker. A big boot drops him and it’s a Batista Bomb to Cena to end the show. High levels of glaring end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Very run of the mill show here, with the Trump deal bringing it down a bit more. They had a bit of a weird trick to pull off as part of it was building to No Way Out but other parts were setting up things for after the pay per view. Outside of the main event, the action was mostly in the middle, leaving this as quite the ho him show. You can feel Wrestlemania season though and that’s what matters most.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 5, 2007
Location: Tyson Events Center, Sioux City, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The Road To Wrestlemania continues as we still need to know what Undertaker is going to do with his Royal Rumble win. There are a few different choices and all three of them have been teased, which makes things a bit more interesting. Granted the chances of Undertaker picking the ECW World Title are the same as me being named Miss Nevada 1978, so there are only two choices. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Undertaker winning the Royal Rumble and teasing the Wrestlemania title match pick.

Here is Undertaker to make his decision. Since that takes quite a long time, here is an impatient John Cena before anything can be said. Bobby Lashley is here as well, with Batista rounding out the quartet. Undertaker stares at all three of them….and then gives Batista the throat slit so set up the match.

This immediately brings out Shawn Michaels to say John Cena needs a Wrestlemania opponent and he is here to help a brother out. Cue Randy Orton to say that he is facing Cena at Wrestlemania. Cue Edge as this is a rather large opening segment. Edge wants the title shot but now it’s Vince McMahon to ask why we’re in the middle of a cornfield in this horrible state.

Vince finds it interesting that no one is challenging Bobby Lashley, so he’ll be defending the ECW World Title against someone from the Raw roster tonight. As for everyone else, let’s have a triple threat between Orton, Michaels and Edge with the winner challenging Cena at Wrestlemania. Undertaker and Batista are left alone for the staredown and Undertaker plants him with a chokeslam (or powerslam as JR put it). This had a lot of people involved but it certainly set up a lot at once, so I think I can forgive it.

Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin/Chris Masters vs. Carlito/Cryme Tyme

Torrie Wilson is here with the latter. JR: “King can I give a shout out to my barbecue loving buddies in Oklahoma.” Lawler: “I guess?” JR: “Well I just did.” It’s a big brawl to start until we settle down to JTG Thesz pressing Benjamin to hammer away. Haas, now with cornrows, comes in for an overhead belly to belly to send JTG flying though and it’s Masters coming in to hammer away. JTG slips out of another suplex attempt though and Carlito comes in to clean house. Everything breaks down and Carlito O’Connor rolls Masters, only to get caught with a springboard Blockbuster from Benjamin to steal the pin.

Rating: D+. Normally I’m a fan of merging a few feuds together but I never need to see Masters vs. Carlito in any form again. It has been done on and off for the better part of a year now and wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. Cryme Tyme vs. Haas/Benjamin isn’t exactly great either but at least it is something new.

We recap Fan Appreciation Night last week, with Donald Trump giving the fans money.

Vince McMahon is annoyed at Trump when Kenny Dykstra comes in to ask about the ECW World Title shot tonight. McMahon gives him the match to get rid of him but Coach has a letter from Trump. He’s going to be here next week to up the ante with a business proposal. Vince wants Trump to join his special club.

Ric Flair hits on Maria a bit and says that he is excited by Undertaker vs. Batista. As for tonight, he gets to face Jeff Hardy and if he wins, he gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania.

Melina and Candice Michelle have one of those authentic talks about Candice’s Super Bowl commercial. Candice leaves so here is John Morrison to say Melina looks great and he is ready for Super Crazy. Tonight, Melina is winning the Women’s Title.

Balls Mahoney is in the ring for a match and here is Coach to introduce the special opponent.

Umaga vs. Balls Mahoney

Armando Alejandro Estrada is here with Umaga. Mahoney strikes away to start and is knocked into the corner without much effort. Some choking on the rope ensues and the Samoan drop crushes Mahoney. The running hip attack sets up the Samoan Spike for the easy win.

Johnny Nitro vs. Super Crazy

Melina and Mickie James are here as well. Nitro starts fast and sends him into the corner, with Crazy sunset flipping him for two. That earns him a shot to the face though and Nitro grabs a cravate. Crazy fights up but Melina’s distraction lets Nitro roll him up for two. Mickie trips Nitro right back so Crazy can hit some dropkicks. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker sets up the moonsault but Nitro catches him on top. That’s broken up as well though and the moonsault gives Crazy the pretty big upset pin.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina is challenging and thankfully they didn’t bother redoing the entrances (including for Nitro and Crazy, who are here as well). The catfight is on to start until Mickie James remembers that she’s Mickie James and forearms away. A hammerlock has Mickie in trouble so the fans chant for her, which Lawler calls being “silently” behind her. Melina takes her down by the leg but gets kicked away, giving us a standoff.

Mickie cartwheels into a monkey flip to send Melina bailing over to Nitro. Melina gets in a shot to the face and sends her face first into the mat for two. Back up and they slug it out until Melina sends her into the corner. An elbow to the face staggers Melina so Nitro goes after her, only to get hurricanranaed by Crazy. Melina pulls her outside by the top (Lawler approves) but Mickie is right back with a sunset flip to retain.

Rating: D+. This was one that sounded better on paper than it worked in reality as Melina wasn’t quite ready for the big showdown. Then again, you’re only going to be able to do so much in less than five minutes with two more people on the floor. Mickie was doing her thing well enough, but they didn’t exactly make this work.

Post match Melina is rather annoyed at the paparazzi trying to take her picture.

John Cena wishes Shawn Michaels good luck tonight but he would rather Edge win. Cena knows he can beat Edge and reminds Shawn that they’re Tag Team Champions. That sounded like a bit of a wink about how little they care about the titles.

Jeff Hardy vs. Ric Flair

Non-title but if Flair wins, he gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania. Hardy shoulders him down to start so Flair pops back up for a WOO. The chops have Hardy in the corner but he switches places to take Flair down. Hardy goes up but tweaks the knee on the landing, allowing Flair to chop block him down. Some leg cranking has Hardy in more trouble and the fans are behind Flair.

Hardy fights up and scores with an enziguri (breaking up a WOO in the process), setting up the sitout jawbreaker. The Whisper in the Wind connects and there’s the Twist of Fate. The Swanton misses though and Flair is right back on the knee. Flair loads up the Figure Four but stops to strut, allowing Hardy to small package him for the pin.

Rating: C-. I’m going to assume that the ending was designed to make Flair look stupid and it certainly worked in that regard. There was no reason for Flair to start strutting around when he had Hardy in that much trouble. The match was good enough up to that point, but I would assume that it was setting things up for later, as otherwise that is pretty out of character for this version of Flair.

Post match Hardy praises Flair, who shakes his hand.

Wrestlemania is 55 days away.

We recap Undertaker’s selection from earlier tonight.

Batista isn’t intimidated and is ready for some payback. He’s fine with teaming with Undertaker at No Way Out too. That’s quite the calm champion.

ECW World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Kenny Dykstra

Lashley is defending and scares Dykstra over to the apron to start. Back in and a single right hand sends Dykstra over the top and out to the floor for a great visual. Lashley knocks him off the apron for a bonus but Dykstra gets smart by dropkicking the knee out. Some stomping gives Dykstra two and we hit the chinlock.

That’s broken up and Lashley hits some clotheslines, setting up a t-bone suplex. A dropkick puts Lashley on the floor though and we take a break. We come back with Dykstra holding a front facelock but Lashley powers up without much trouble. The delayed suplex sets up the gorilla press powerslam to retain.

Rating: D+. What else were you expecting here? Dykstra is a generic heel and Lashley doesn’t know how to do much other than his power stuff. Lashley has all of the tools to be a major star but you need to give him a good bit more seasoning. That is showing in places like this, as he wasn’t able to get anything out of Dykstra, who wasn’t ready to do something like this on his own.

Edge comes up to Randy Orton, who doesn’t want to talk. They aren’t partners tonight because Orton wants the Wrestlemania title shot. That’s fine with Edge, but he wants to make sure Shawn Michaels doesn’t get the shot.

Carlito and Torrie Wilson are going out and say goodbye to Ric Flair. They’re going out, but Flair doesn’t want to hear it after Carlito lost his match earlier tonight. Flair goes into a huge rant about how Carlito isn’t in the main event because he’s a lazy SOB. Guys like Carlito have no passion or guts but want to fly first class with someone like Torrie Wilson. Carlito hasn’t bled, sweat or paid the price but he’s taking Flair’s spot.

Flair has been here forever but Vince McMahon has told him that if he wants to stay, he has to prove it. Now Flair is trying to prove himself but Carlito is going out before the main event. Flair walks off, leaving a stunned Carlito with something to think about. This felt like Flair being told to go and let loose and he made it work because that is the kind of emotion he can bring like almost no one else.

Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton

The winner gets the WWE Title shot at Wrestlemania. At least Shawn has his title here, which doesn’t help him out as he gets double teamed down. Shawn comes back with a double clothesline and some atomic drops with Orton being tossed outside. Back up and Orton shoves Shawn off the top for a crash but only teases the RKO to Edge. We take a break and come back with Shawn tossing Orton and suplexing Edge. There’s a baseball slide to knock Orton onto the announcers’ table and a Thesz press to Edge as Shawn keeps the pace up.

Edge boots him in the face but gets caught going up top. A crotching puts Edge on the floor but Orton is back in with the backbreaker to Michaels. The RKO connects but Edge makes the save. Edge and Orton shake hands but then instantly turn on each other to start the fight. Stereo crossbodies put both of them down, allowing Shawn to drop the top rope elbow on Edge. Sweet Chin Music is blocked so Shawn sidesteps a spear, which hits Orton instead. A superkick drops Edge and Shawn pins Orton for the title shot.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where there wasn’t a ton of drama to the ending but at least they did well on their way to the finish. Michaels getting the shot at Cena was pretty much locked up last week but they had to make it official here. The action was good as you would expect and it set up Wrestlemania, so there isn’t much to complain about here.

Post match John Cena in for the staredown but here are Batista and Undertaker to stare at the top of them and then each other to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show had a couple of positives, including setting up a pair of Wrestlemania title matches and not having Donald Trump. You can tell that things are getting important around here again and the energy is rising. Throw in Flair’s great promo and there were parts of this show that worked very well. Unfortunately there were also parts that didn’t work, which was most of the actual wrestling. That wasn’t what mattered, but it did bring down a lot of the show.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 29, 2007
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 17,115
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with the Royal Rumble and that means it is time to start moving forward towards Wrestlemania. The big Raw stories coming out of last night would be John Cena retaining the WWE Title in a great Last Man Standing match over Umaga, plus Shawn Michaels coming this close to winning the Royal Rumble. I wonder if that means anything. Let’s get to it.

Here is the Royal Rumble if you need a recap.

Here is Shawn Michaels to get things going. Last week, he said no mortal man was going to keep him from making it to Wrestlemania. The problem is there were 29 mortal men in the Royal Rumble and one Undertaker. That was a setback, but he is going to Wrestlemania to become the new WWE Champion. Undertaker has the right to choose, but he hasn’t picked yet. If Undertaker picks Bobby Lashley’s ECW World Title (Shawn has jokes) or Batista’s World Heavyweight Title, that leaves John Cena and the WWE Title wide open. Tonight, Shawn is throwing his hat in the ring but here is Cena to interrupt.

Cena likes that idea but here is Edge to interrupt. Edge laughs at Shawn for losing last night and is greeted with a YOU SUCK chant. Shawn lost last night and he has beaten Cena more times than he can count. Edge is undefeated at Wrestlemania so the title shot should be his. Cue Randy Orton, who doesn’t seem to agree.

Last night it was every man for himself and it is the same with that WWE Title. Edge has had 30 title shots at Cena but Orton hasn’t had one. Cena cuts them off and the challenge is on but Vince McMahon pops up on screen. Since it’s Fan Appreciation Night, the Tag Team Title match is on for later. Cena seems intrigued and Shawn….kind of stands there.

JTG talks to the camera and sends some shout outs to his friends but Shad Gaspard says they have a match up next.

Cryme Tyme vs. Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas

Haas hammerlocks Shad to start but a shoulder puts Haas into the corner. A Shelton cheap shot cuts him off though and it’s time to stomp on Shad’s knee. Benjamin comes in and stays on the leg, even cutting off Shad’s rights and lefts with a half crab. Shad finally kicks him away and brings in JTG to take over. An elbow to Benjamin and a backdrop to Haas connect but everything breaks down. Shad is sent outside and Haas sneaks in a DDT so Benjamin can cover JTG (with tights) for the pin. That’s Cryme Tyme’s first loss.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure what the point was in having Cryme Tyme lose here unless they needed to be cooled down a bit, as they are the hottest regular team going at the moment. Haas and Benjamin haven’t been doing much of anything lately so this was kind of a strange loss. It’s not a career killer or anything, but kind of odd.

Vince McMahon gives Melina a pep talk in the back, telling her to seize the moment. Vince gets a hug and Melina leaves, with Coach replacing her. Fan Appreciation Night is ready to go and they’re both excited. It’s going to be bigger than the Royal Rumble and maybe even bigger than Wrestlemania. This is going to leave Vince’s name up there with Mother Teresa, Gandhi and DESMOND TUTU! Coach goes to make sure everything is ready.

This Week In Wrestling History: the first Royal Rumble, which was in no way aired to screw with the NWA’s Bunkhouse Stampede (which didn’t need to be screwed with in the first place).

Melina vs. Maria

The winner gets a Women’s Title shot at some point in the future, as per Vince McMahon’s order (or a First Contenders match according to Melina). JR says Maria has been improving every time she is in the ring, which is a scary concept. Maria rolls her up to start and hits a Bronco Buster for one. Melina isn’t having that and tosses Maria down by the hair to take over. A few kicks out of the corner don’t do Maria much good as Melina hits a not great looking flapjack. Melina screams a lot and grabs a Muta Lock for the tap. Lawler says that’s called California Dream, which Melina told him online. Lawler: “I’d like to blog her.”

Shawn Michaels isn’t going to kick Todd Grisham again but he’ll win the Tag Team Titles tonight. John Cena is no HHH though.

Super Crazy interrupts Mickie James, asking her if she remembers people calling her crazy. Well he’s SUPER Crazy! Melina comes in to say Mickie must be crazy if she thinks she’s keeping the Women’s Title. A brawl breaks out, with Melina shouting “I’M THE TRUE CHAMPION YOU WH***!”

Edge is with Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch and can’t believe that Randy Orton thinks he should get a title shot at Wrestlemania. No one can take the Tag Team Titles from them though.

Stills of Umaga vs. John Cena.

Umaga vs. Val Venis

Umaga starts fast with the Samoan drop and ties Venis in the Tree of Woe. The running headbutt connects and the running hip attack sets up the Samoan Spike to complete the squash.

Here is Vince McMahon, in a cowboy hat, for Fan Appreciation Night, complete with something under a sheet. Vince: “HOWDY PARDNER! Why you must be the new school marm!” That’s ridiculous, just like wearing a cowboy hat (yep). Anyone over the age of five wearing a cowboy hat is stupid, because it even messes up your hair. Vince stomps on the hat and thanks the fans for making him a billionaire. He would like to give everyone some monetary thanks but it can only be one person.

Vince calls in a woman from the crowd, who is in no way a model. He knows she must be nervous and then pulls the sheet off, revealing a large version of his Muscle & Fitness cover from last year. The woman seems to like it and Vince sends her away, saying he won’t remember her name (Jackie). And now, in a moment that I’m sure will age just fine, Donald Trump appears on the screen, sending Vince into a panic. He says the fans have no choice but to do what Vince wants and no one would want that picture. Not even Vince’s wife!

Trump knows what the fans want, including the value for what they paid for tickets tonight. Therefore, he is dumping money out of the ceiling, which seems to be completely real, despite what Vince says. Vince: “DONALD TRUMP YOU SON OF A B****!” JR even catches some money as Vince tries to get his head around the idea that it is raining cash. Vince rants about how the people are taking his money and storms off, as JR declares that Vince has been trumped. It’s going to be a long, long Road To Wrestlemania.

Post break, Coach, with money, says he can’t believe Trump would try to upstage him like that. Coach has gathered up as much money as he could, even throwing in some of his own (Ten dollars!). Vince jumps in the limo and leaves in a huff anyway.

Carlito/Super Crazy vs. Kenny Dykstra/Chris Masters

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito/Crazy. Masters drives Crazy into the corner to start and drives in some knees to the ribs. Crazy knocks him down and drops a corkscrew elbow for an early two. It’s off to Dykstra, who gets caught with a basement dropkick. Carlito comes in for a hurricanrana to the floor and the stereo dives drop the villains.

Back in and Masters trips Crazy down so Dykstra can drop an elbow to take over. The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by Carlito coming in to break up a cover. Dykstra grabs his own chinlock but gets belly to back suplexed for his efforts. The double tag brings in Carlito and Masters to pick up the pace, including Carlito’s running knee lift. Everything breaks down and the Backstabber gives Carlito the pin.

Rating: C-. This could have been worse as Carlito and Crazy worked out well enough together. I never need to see Masters vs. Carlito again though, as it is one of those pairings that has been beaten so far into the ground. Dykstra continues to be one of those people who is just kind of there, but it can be rather hard to build someone up from almost nothing.

Randy Orton talks about what an honor it was to win the Tag Team Titles with Edge but they both want to be WWE Champion. As for tonight, they’re retaining the titles.

Intercontinental Title: Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy

Khali is challenging and knocks Hardy outside in a hurry. Hardy gets pulled back in with one arm and some heavy shots knock him down again. A big clothesline makes it worse for Hardy, who manages to get up for a Whisper in the Wind. That doesn’t do much though as the big chop puts Hardy on the floor for the countout.

Rating: D. It was more of an angle than a match and it made Khali look great without having Hardy get pinned. In theory this should set up Khali destroying him to win the title, or at least a title match, though I’m not sure I believe WWE is going to follow through on it. Nothing match, but it wasn’t supposed to be.

Candice Michelle is in a GoDaddy commercial for the Super Bowl. Not on Peacock of course.

Wrestlemania Recall: the first Money In The Bank.

Vladimir Kozlov is amazed that money fell from the ceiling but he wasn’t impressed by the Royal Rumble. He would have won you see.

Highlights of the Last Man Standing match.

John Cena and Ric Flair are in the back, with Flair saying Shawn Michaels wants to go to the main event of Wrestlemania. He might even superkick Cena to get there.

Vince McMahon will be on ECW this week. Oh dear.

Tag Team Titles: Rated-RKO vs. Shawn Michaels/John Cena

Michaels/Cena are challenging and the champs bail to the floor to start. Shawn chops Edge to start and Orton is almost ready to come in and save him. Instead it’s more chopping against the ropes with Edge flopping around early on. Cena comes in to quite the reaction and it’s a hiptoss into an elbow to the jaw for two. A DDT is good for the same but it’s off to Orton for some forearms to the back.

Orton grabs a suplex and Cena gets caught in the wrong corner. Cena fights up but gets knocked down again, only to have Orton knock Edge down by mistake. Things are about to fall apart but Orton knees Cena in the back from the apron to keep him in trouble. A knee drop gives Orton two and Edge adds a dropkick for the same.

The bodyscissors with a chinlock goes on until Cena fights up and powers his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in Shawn to clean house but Orton breaks up the superkick with a dropkick. Shawn blocks the RKO though and brings (the busted open) Cena back in for the FU and the pin to give us new champions.

Rating: C+. This was the way to get the Road To Wrestlemania off in a hurry as Shawn vs. Cena is already all but set for the show. That isn’t a bad thing, and it isn’t like there is a strong division underneath the titles in the first place. Michaels and Cena holding the titles isn’t that much different than Orton and Edge, so using it as a plot device to get us to Wrestlemania is not a bad thing.

Post match Shawn teases a superkick but stops, leaving Cena to yell at him instead. Then the gong goes off and here is Undertaker to stare them down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The wrestling wasn’t the point here, because this show was all about having stuff happen. They did a lot of big things on this show and you can see where a good chunk of the Wrestlemania build is going. Your individual tastes may vary, but there is something to be said about having the build start hot and that is what they did here. The followup is important, but at least they were off to a good start.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 22, 2007
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble but you might not know it by watching the previous shows. The Rumble itself has barely been mentioned as most of the focus has been on Umaga vs. John Cena for the World Title. That’s not a bad move, but it is a bit of a weird one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In Memory Of Bam Bam Bigelow. That’s a hard one.

We open with a recap of Rated-RKO taking out some of Shawn Michaels’ friends last week but getting taken out by Shawn himself in the main event.

Here is Shawn Michaels to get things going. Last week, he felt a feeling that he has tried to overcome for years. He does not like those feelings coming back but those days of stopping are gone. Shawn feels like he can be WWE Champion again and that starts this Sunday by winning the Royal Rumble. May God have mercy on the 29 other entrants who dare to get in his way and no mortal man is going to get in his way….but here is Edge to interrupt.

Edge talks about how he is the one who is going to win the Royal Rumble because he has been to the top of the mountain twice, but Shawn tells him to shut up. The fight is on and security can’t break it up. We take a break and come back with the break still on in the back and security still not being much good.

Jeff Hardy vs. Joey Mercury

Non-title and this is Raw vs. Smackdown as Jeff wants revenge on Mercury for helping take out Matt Hardy on Friday. Johnny Nitro and Melina are here too but Jeff throws Mercury in to start in a hurry. Mercury gets in a shot so Nitro pulls the mat back on the floor. That’s enough for an ejection but Mercury is able to grab Jeff’s face and rip away. Jeff fights up with some elbows to the face into the Whisper in the Wind. The Twist of Fate drops Mercury on his damaged face to give Jeff the fast pin.

Post match Jeff gets out of there before Nitro and Melina can get back.

Jonathan Coachman comes in to see Vince McMahon and has an idea for tonight. He’ll throw Shawn Michaels and Edge out, but Vince makes a street fight instead. In addition, Vince has an announcement to make in the ring.

Here are Vince and Coach for a chat. Vince talks about reading Donald Trump’s letter last week, so tonight he is going to read his own letter to Trump. The letter talks about Trump’s TV ratings being awful, but they will go up when Vince guest stars on the Apprentice. He is the reason for Raw’s ratings success, and it could be due to his good looks, his charisma, or his Herculean physique. The people love him and he loves them back. Fans: “A**HOLE!” Vince: “You’re making it tough to love you back!”

Vince promises to show his love for the people next week but here is John Cena to interrupt. Cena wants to know when Vince became Brother Love and tells him to stop yapping about Donald Trump. It’s like Vince is obsessed with him and an obsessed Vince McMahon is never a good thing. Cena: “Remember that obsession you had with starting your own football league?” Cena compares Vince and Trump, with Coach saying Trump does everything bigger than Vince, including having more money. That’s too far for Vince, who makes Cena vs. Coach for tonight.

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy

Masters jumps him to start but Crazy hits a quick middle rope crossbody. Crazy gets thrown down again and the stomping is on in a hurry. Back up and Crazy slugs away, including a spinwheel kick, which has Lawler thinking Crazy is “all jacked up on Mountain Dew.” Masters catches him coming out of the corner with the Masterlock but Crazy climbs the corner and drops back onto him for the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but Crazy wins to give him a little momentum. WWE seems interested in pushing him and he hasn’t done badly at all in response. I could go for a bit more of him and the fans seem to like him well enough. Granted it isn’t hard to get cheered against Masters, so the pairing does make sense.

Coach tries to convince Vince McMahon that he is way richer than Donald Trump but Vince is more worried about showing the fans how he appreciates them next week. Oh and Coach’s match with Cena is still on.

Kenny Dykstra insists that he is going to win the Royal Rumble on Sunday. He defeated Ric Flair three times so he knows he can do it. Maria doesn’t seem convinced but Dykstra says this is going to be his year.

A very banged up Randy Orton isn’t happy with Edge for leaving him to get mauled by Shawn Michaels last week. Edge tries to explain what happened and wants to know if Orton has his back in getting rid of Shawn Michaels tonight. Orton says we’ll wait and see as you can feel the tension.

John Cena vs. Jonathan Coachman

Non-title. Actually hang on a second as Coach has another idea: we’re going to have a Royal Rumble, and if Cena wins, THEN he can face Coach one on one. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are here first and the double teaming is on in a hurry, including a bunch of right hands. Cade drops Murdoch down into a legdrop on Cena and the beating is on in the corner. Cena fights out of said corner and tosses Murdoch without much effort.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are in next, with Viscera following shortly thereafter. Cade comes back in to help hold Cena down for Viscera’s elbow. Cue Great Khali to starts clearing the ring until Viscera and Cena are the only others left. A big boot drops Viscera and Khali tosses him, allowing Cena to come in off the top with a shoulder. That has almost no effect so Khali hits a clothesline and tosses him out for the win.

Rating: D+. This was much more of an angle than a match and that’s all it needed to be. Khali is becoming a player in a hurry because he is pretty easy to push. You can probably pencil him in for a title program soon after Wrestlemania is over and I’ve heard far worse ideas. Not much of a match of course, but at least it had a point.

Post match Khali runs Cena over again and drops him with ease, allowing Coach to run in for two. Cue Umaga to jump Cena from behind and I guess that’s a DQ? Either way, Umaga splashes Cena through a table to crush his ribs. It takes a long time to get rid of Umaga and Cena has to be helped to the back.

Candice Michelle/Mickie James vs. Victoria/Melina

This is Candice’s return after Victoria broke her nose, meaning a lot of nose pointing ensues. Mickie starts fast with a basement dropkick to Melina and we get the required spank. A hurricanrana sends Melina flying out of the corner but Victoria pulls Mickie down from the apron. There’s a double wishbone to keep Mickie in trouble and Melina chokes in the ropes, sending Lawler into hysterics.

Mickie avoids Victoria’s running charge in the corner and the hot tag brings in Candice to start cleaning house. A dropkick puts Melina down but Victoria hits a heck of a knee to the face. Mickie comes in for the save and dives onto Melina, leaving Candice to hit a middle rope….uh….I guess we’ll say elbow for the pin on Victoria.

Rating: D. Yeah what else were you expecting here? This was about getting Candice out there to show off what seems to be her new cosmetic enhancements and rather limited outfit. Candice is absolutely trying but there is a bit of a way to go between effort and success. Pretty bad match, but you can almost guarantee that Candice is getting a push in a hurry.

Carlito vs. Kenny Dykstra

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito, who sends Kenny into the corner without much effort. Kenny is right back with a dropkick into a chinlock but Carlito gets to his feet and hammers away. A springboard back elbow drops Kenny but he grabs a rollup into a pinfall reversal sequence. Kenny finally grabs the trunks for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing match here with Dykstra getting a win over someone other than Ric Flair. It doesn’t make things that much better for him as all of the problems are still there, but at least they are trying with someone else. At the same time, Carlito is still about as uninteresting as you can get, which has been the case for a long time now.

We recap Rated-RKO vs. Shawn Michaels from last week in the same video that started the show.

Cryme Tyme is selling Royal Rumble numbers to Eugene and Super Crazy. Since he is crazy, Crazy will take any number. Crazy is rather pleased with his number and Eugene gets #30. Hold on though as Cryme Tyme explains that he really wants to be #1…..which he can be for another $50. Eugene leaves, and we find out that not only are the numbers not real, but Eugene isn’t even in the number. Also, they sold the painting The Scream and it wasn’t real either. Cryme Tyme leaves and it turns out that Ron Simmons bought said painting. Guess what he has to say.

Royal Rumble Rundown.

We look back at Cena being taken out. Cena may have a ruptured spleen.

We look back at Edge and Shawn Michaels brawling earlier tonight.

Shawn Michaels vs. Edge

Street fight and they’re both in street clothes. Shawn wins the early slugout and pulls Edge’s belt off for a whipping. The weapons are brought in but Edge knocks him out of the air with a trashcan lid. We take a break and come back with Edge busted open and hitting him in the ribs with something made of metal.

Edge gets creative by superplexing a ladder onto Shawn for two but a powerbomb is broken up with some right hands to the head. The comeback is on with Shawn hitting the atomic drop. A chain is wrapped around Edge’s eyes and now he is busted open as well. Shawn drops Edge onto a ladder bridged over two sets of steps but Edge gets up to catch Shawn on top.

That doesn’t make a difference either though as Shawn drops Edge ribs first onto the ladder again. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Edge reverses into something like an electric chair (Edge tried to pick him up but dropped Shawn on the way to the shoulders). The spear is countered into the Thesz press though and Shawn grabs a chair to knock Edge silly. Another Conchairto is loaded up but here is Randy Orton to hit the RKO and give Edge the pin.

Rating: B. These two getting some time in a violent match is always going to work and that was the case here. It felt like a main event and the two of them beat each other up for about fifteen minutes. The ending makes sense given what they are doing as Edge and Orton want to destroy Shawn, but Orton is going to mess with Edge on the way there if he can.

Post match Orton throws Edge over the top but here are Ric Flair, Kenny Dykstra and Carlito in a row. Shawn comes back up with some Sweet Chin Musics

Overall Rating: D+. The main event was the only worthwhile thing on this show as the Royal Rumble only needs so much of a build. Umaga injuring Cena was a good angle but other than that and the main event, there wasn’t much to see on the whole thing. It isn’t that surprising as the pay per view is set, but it would have been nice to have more than one good match in two hours.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2007
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on the way to the Royal Rumble though you might not know it based on how the last few weeks have gone. Instead, the last few weeks have focused on various celebrities, or at least celebrity impersonators in last week’s case. The actual wrestling stories coming out of last week saw a likely rematch being set up between John Cena and Umaga for the Raw World Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the traditional Martin Luther King Jr. Day video. That’s a rather nice tradition for the show.

Here is John Cena to get things going and we’ve got a contract signing. Boss Jonathan Coachman brings out Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada and Umaga turns the chair over in a hurry. Coach has an idea to make the match special, so Estrada gets to pick the stipulation. Estrada doesn’t want another fluke win, so we’ll be having a Last Man Standing match.

Since Umaga is, you know, a savage, Estrada signs for him, but Cena says he must be crazy to do this. Well sure why not, so Cena signs and then dives onto Umaga to start the fight. They go to the floor and Cena hits him in the head with the steps. Back in and the FU puts Estrada through the table. Counting the King video and the opening, we are done with this segment about ten minutes into the show. I can absolutely go with that kind of efficiency for a contract signing.

Johnny Nitro/Melina vs. Jeff Hardy/Maria

Maria doing Jeff’s entrance dance is certainly a sight. Nitro bails from the threat of an early Twist of Fate attempt so it’s off to Melina. Maria comes in and bulldogs her out of the corner for two but Nitro trips her from the apron. We hit the reverse chinlock to put Maria down for a change but she counters a backbreaker into a headscissors. It’s off to Nitro so Maria kicks him in the shin, allowing Jeff to hit the Whisper in the Wind. Maria takes Melina outside, leaving Jeff to break up a superplex attempt. The Swanton is good for the pin on Nitro.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to do much but it was a fine way to advance both feuds, even if the men should have wrapped up. Maria isn’t going to be a serious competitor in the ring but at least she can do enough basic stuff to get by in something like this. Let the experienced people get in and do their thing and get out, which is exactly what they did here.

Vince McMahon calls Donald Trump but Trump’s secretary, who doesn’t know who Vince is, says he is having dinner. Vince starts to give out the number but looks at Coach and stops himself. Coach doesn’t seem to buy that Trump is going to call back.

Here is Rated-RKO for a chat but DX’s music interrupts them. The music turns into a flatline sound though, with Randy Orton saying that is what is happening to DX. Tonight they are taking out Shawn Michaels and HHH is already sitting at home recovering from a torn quadricep muscle.

Orton leaves to take care of something backstage while Edge talks about how Shawn’s TV debut took place near here, so him being destroyed makes sense. Edge goes to check on Orton….and they drag out a bloody Jim Duggan. Since Duggan might help Shawn later, we need a demonstration of what Shawn has coming for him. Duggan gets a Conchairto and here are the referees, just a few seconds late of course.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

How many times are these guys going to fight??? Flair takes him into the corner for the chops to start and there’s a headlock takeover. Dykstra fights up and gets in a shot to Flair’s knee, setting up a Figure Four of his own. That’s broken up and Flair chops away before cutting off a charge with an elbow to the face. Flair goes up and actually hits something like a top rope clothesline for two. JR: “I think we just saw a moment!” Dykstra is right back with a rollup but gets caught grabbing the rope. Flair’s rollup with trunks gets two so he tries another and, this time with putting his feet on the ropes, gets the pin.

Rating: C-. And they’re done. Or at least they should be, as this feud has already gone on far too long. Flair took him to school here and got his win back. Now let the whole thing go and move on to anything else, because it wasn’t exactly an interesting feud in the first place. Dykstra is as midcard of a midcard heel as you can get so let’s move on to something else already.

Smackdown Rebound.

Shawn Michaels arrives and is told about what happened to Jim Duggan. That’s not what Shawn wanted but he only has one partner. He’ll do this alone tonight, but Ric Flair comes in to say he’ll fight with Shawn tonight. Shawn shakes his hand but still seems nervous.

Vince McMahon is still waiting on Donald Trump’s call but Coach suggests it might be Vince’s batteries. Vince: “There is nothing wrong with my batteries.” Coach asks Vince what the big deal is and Vince pulls out a letter that Trump sent him last week. The letter talks about how Trump is a big WWE fan but he didn’t like the Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell match last week. Trump will be watching this week and wants something better. Oh and watch the Apprentice on Sunday nights. Coach is a fan, but Vince would rather talk about the compelling television you are about to see.

Wrestlemania is coming in 76 days.

Here is Vince McMahon to give us compelling television and I’m as scared as you are. He knows Donald Trump wants compelling television so let’s look at Rosie vs. Trump from last week. Hold on though as we need to see it in SLOW MOTION. Vince sees a difference between himself and Trump: instead of asking the audience what they want and then giving it to them like Trump, Vince decides what his fans wants and then gives it to them (How in the world is that not a FAR more quoted line?).

Vince moves on to the Miss USA controversy, as she did something that meant she should lose her crown. It turns out that Miss USA is here tonight, so here is Torrie Wilson in a gown. Torrie reluctantly says she has been a bad girl and asks how she can make it up to Vince, America’s Favorite Billionaire.

Cue an angry Carlito to interrupt and say that Vince is not cool. Trump vs. Rosie sucked and this is brutal. Trump was right: Vince doesn’t know what people want and the fans want to see people fight. Vince likes that idea and is ready to go right now…but let’s have Great Khali do it instead. Carlito gets in a few shots until a big chop and the double chokeslam leave him laying. Vince: “Now that? That’s cool.”

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Victoria

Mickie is defending so Victoria pulls her down by the hair. That’s fine enough as Mickie jumps over her in the corner and does the same thing. Mickie gets draped over the top rope so Mickie can throw in a few spanks. That earns Mickie a trip to the floor and a baseball slide takes her out in a hurry. Back in and Victoria tosses her around by the hair and then stands on it for a bonus. Mickie cradles her for two so Victoria pulls on her leg. That’s broken up but the MickieDT is countered into the swinging side slam. Mickie is sick of this and hits a spinning kick to the face to retain.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t exactly their best work as it felt sluggish to go with all of the botches. These two are capable of having a good match because they have the chemistry together, but it just wasn’t clicking this time. This should end the feud, as Mickie can move on to Melina while Victoria can continue to be more talented than most of the women featured on the show.

We recap the contract signing.

Royal Rumble rundown….now with 25 names already entered into the Rumble. There is something to be said for the “throw everyone in at once” method.

Here is Chris Masters for a chat. He is ready for the Royal Rumble and the winner is standing before you. Masters pulls out a note while talking about how no one can break the Masterlock. The note is a signed document from Vince McMahon himself, which says that since JBL interfered in Iraq, the Masterlock has NEVER been broken.

The Masterlock Challenge is on again so here is Ron Simmons of all people to accept. Masters immediately starts backing off but Simmons shoves him down. The hold goes on and, after the usual escape tease….Super Crazy of all people comes in to jump Masters. Simmons watches as Crazy lays Masters out, meaning it’s catchphrase time.

Wrestlemania Recall: Rob Van Dam wins Money in the Bank.

JR confirms that Simmons did NOT break the Masterlock, due to Crazy’s interference.

Ric Flair has been attacked and laid out. Again. What is that, three times since Rated-RKO formed?

JTG vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shad Gaspard and Charlie Haas are here too. Shelton breaks up an early headscissors to start by hitting a shoulder breaker out of the corner. A hammerlock stays on the arm and Shelton sends it hard into the buckle. The referee has to yell at Shad as JTG fights back, only to get kicked in the face. Shad uses the distraction to unhook a turnbuckle pad so Haas complains, allowing Shad to break up a powerbomb attempt to give JTG the pin.

Ric Flair is on his way to the hospital so Shawn Michaels is rather upset. He superkicks Todd Grisham to blow off some steam.

We get a video with HHH talking about his quad injury and surgery. This goes on for a good while.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Before the match, Rated-RKO mocks DX’s intro and has security confiscate all of the DX signs. Shawn charges in and starts fast by sending both of them out to the floor. We settle down to Edge getting chopped in the corner until he rakes the eyes to escape. Orton comes in and gets hammered down in a hurry. Shawn is sent outside though and Edge blasts him with a running clothesline.

Back in and Edge hammers Shawn down without much effort to bust him open. Orton’s backbreaker lets Edge hammer away even more until we take a break. It’s back to Orton to get in some right hands of his own but Shawn flips over in the corner and nails a clothesline. Edge comes back in and spears Orton by mistake and Shawn has a chance.

The comeback is on with the forearm into the nipup into the atomic drop. Shawn’s top rope elbow connects but he can’t follow up right away. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Shawn has to jump Orton as he comes back in. Edge hits the spear and now it’s time for the chairs so the referee throws it out.

Rating: C. This worked out about as well as it could have as there was only so much that could be done here. Shawn can’t beat the champs on his own but you don’t want them beating Shawn because he has no partner and no real place to go if he loses. It wasn’t a bad match at all, but it was much more about finding a way out than anything else.

Post match the Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn nips it up into Edge’s face which is only slightly better than I remember seeing it live. Shawn fights back and finds the sledgehammer to knock Orton out. A Conchairto is loaded up and Orton is crushed to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m glad they have named most of the Royal Rumble entrants but the rest of the show was barely worth seeing. The contract signing worked, but it was one of those shows where it felt like they didn’t have much to do and jumped through the two hours as quickly as they could. While it isn’t a terrible show, it’s a totally skippable one (especially the Trump/Vince stuff), which tends to be the case until we get to the Rumble.

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