Impact Wrestling
Date: August 18, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Tonight we’re likely to get the fallout of Angle attacking Crimson last week as well as Sting vs. Hogan/Angle. I’m not wild on either story but that’s what we have to go with leading up to No Surrender. Also we should get an answer from AJ about Daniels challenging him for another match at the same PPV. Also there are Bound (get it?) to be be more Series matches. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s Angle segment with Sting and Hogan. The idea is Angle is mad at Dixie for lying about Karen and Jeff. Now he’s going after all of the young talent one by one, starting with Crimson.

Here’s Sting to open the show, chair and bat in hands. Sting stops to roll down the ramp. Uh…sure. He says it was a redoing of last week where he got beaten up. He doesn’t remember what happened but he does remember that he was nervous, as his shirt says. It was however awesome to be beaten up by Hogan, who still has the (cue singing) Eye of the Tiger.

Sting says the fans and he both want to see the Hulkster back in the ring right? He starts a Hogan chant because he wants Hogan in the ring tonight. Instead he gets…Ric Flair. He asks if Sting just called Hogan the greatest ever. Sting is in fact an icon and people ask Flair when they’ll wrestle again. The fans want one more Flair vs. Sting match. There goes the jacket and Flair says in order to get back to where he uses to be, he has to wrestle Sting again. He doesn’t have to win, but just wrestle him. If he beats Sting, Sting retires. If Sting wins, Flair will deliver Hogan to Sting.

Sting asks the people and they seem into it. Flair smells like garlic and Sting accepts the match.

Post break Flair goes into Hogan’s office and Hogan is FREAKING. Hogan wants to know if Flair is on goofball pills. He thinks Sting should be dead and Flair says it’s not a big problem. Flair says he’ll get the troops together tonight. Hogan swears he’ll never wrestle Sting so Flair hugs Hogan and kisses him on the cheek. Ok then.

Bound For Glory Series standings:

Crimson 50

Bully Ray 42

Bobby Roode 35

James Storm 33

Devon 30

Gunner 28

Rob Van Dam 25

Matt Morgan 24 (out)

AJ Styles 21

D’Angelo Dinero 17

Scott Steiner 14

Samoa Joe -10

There are three weeks left and the final four advance to BFG.

D-Von says he’ll beat Scott Steiner and is going to BFG.

Bound For Glory Series: Scott Steiner vs. Devon

D-Von’s kids are there of course. He takes over to start and gets a pair of two counts quickly. And never mind as Steiner gets a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 1:10. What the heck was that?

Post match Joe sneaks in on Joe and beats him up, putting a leg hold on him. D-Von’s kids want Pope to come help him but they jump the railing (security around here sucks) to stop it and Pope comes in late for the save.

There’s an X-Division gauntlet which determines the rankings of the division and #1 contender next.

Post break Joe says don’t act surprised because this is how he does things. He’s taking everyone down with him. He’s going to take out the entire Series.

Alex Shelley vs. Tony Nese vs. Kid Kash vs. Robbie E vs. Zema Ion vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Mark Haskins vs. Austin Aries

This is a gauntlet match. Shelley vs. Haskins (who looks like Morrison but less tanned and built) with Shelley beating the tar out of him. The first person out is #8 in the rankings, making the whole rankings stupid because whoever got the first two spots have a 50/50 chance of being last. Shelley keeps trying Sliced Bread but Haskins keeps blocking it. They trade pinning combination attempts and Haskins gets something resembling the inbred cousin of the GTS for the pin at 1:56.

Robbie gets pinned at 2:20 (total time on each, meaning there were about 24 seconds between pins).

Ion comes in third and hits a missile dropkick and some nice stuff including throwing Haskins’ face into Ion’s feet (yes that’s what happened) for two. A 450 gets the pin at 3:30.

Off to Sorensen who starts fast but gets taken down just as quickly. 450 hits knees and Ion is gone thanks to something like a spinning DDT at 4:20. This is why I hate gauntlet matches: the pins come WAY too fast.

Nese is in next and likes to attack by running. The rankings are in reverse order, meaning that Shelley is #8, Robbie is #7 etc. German gets two on Sorensen. That same spinning DDT ends Nese at 5:50.

Kash comes in and we take a break. Back with Kash hitting a moonsault for two on Sorensen. Only Aries is left. Moneymaker, the double underhook piledriver is countered into a rollup for the pin at 10:50.

Aries is in last but Kash comes in and hits the Moneymaker to kill Sorensen. Aries comes in and puts his foot on the chest for two. Brainbuster is countered into a small package for two. There’s a running dropkick in the corner and now the brainbuster ends this at 12:20 total.

Rating: D. I cannot stand these kind of matches. Why in the world should I believe that a regular match should take longer than a minute and a half now when something like this had seven pins in less than 13 minutes (with who knows how much it was shortened during the break)? I wasn’t a fan of this, namely due to the speed of the pinfalls which is a problem with these matches in general.

Aries talks about Kendrick post match and the champ comes out to offer a handshake which Aries declines. Kendrick jumps him and beats the tar out of the #1 contender.

Flair is getting ready for a fight. Don’t tell me Sting vs. Flair is tonight.

Sting is pacing in the back.

Anderson is out with two ruptured eardrums.

BFG ad.

ODB and Jackie are excited for a match later where they’re going to get a roster spot. Oh freaking joy.

Traci comes in to see Eric and he hits on her. She has an idea for Eric and wants to be Knockout Law again. In essence she’s in charge of them and Eric makes her lean over so he can look down her shirt. She was in Playboy dude.

ODB vs. Mickie James

Mickie gets her rematch on September 1. Mickie hammers away but gets caught in a fallaway slam. I think Mickie’s hair is blonder now. It’s power vs. speed here and Mickie gets a neckbreaker to put both of them down. They nip up at the same time and slug it out. Some clotheslines put ODB down and a rana is blocked. James is sent to the floor and Jackie wants to jump her but can’t. Mickie gets back in but the DDT is blocked. Bronco Buster misses for ODB and the DDT hits this time, ending things at 5:47.

Rating: D+. Wasn’t feeling this one at all but I think that’s more for my utter disdain for Jackie. I’ve never been able to stand her, namely due to her being so freaking LOUD all the time. Her voice is annoying and I have no idea what people keep hiring her for. Her matches aren’t anything of note and she’s not interesting at all. Either way, the match was dull, namely due to ODB focusing on rubbing her body too much.

Winter and Angelina have a weird moment over the title. Just get them to a lesbian scene already. She says she can beat Mickie. They’re having wine and it looks like it’s got blood in it. Winter calls it orgasmic.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles

Lynn is outside again. Technical stuff as usual to start as they feel each other out a lot. AJ gets a backbreaker for two. Knee drop gets the same. BIG monkey flip sends Styles down though and it even gets a replay. Rolling Thunder hits for two. Lynn gets annoyed and Rob isn’t pleased with Jerry getting up.

RVD gets crotched and AJ looks to take over again with a superplex but Rob counters. Five Star hits knees and Styles gets two. They slug it out and an attempt at the Clash is broken up. AJ hits the Pele and Lynn pulls the referee out for the DQ at 5:22, costing RVD another ten points.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match but with only five minutes these two aren’t capable of getting anything going. That isn’t their fault but it’s really just kind of reality. Either way this wasn’t anything special. It felt like a collection of spots as a means to the end of the match, which was Lynn interfering. It’s pretty clear they’re going for RVD vs. Lynn at BFG, which isn’t a bad move. The match wasn’t bad or anything but it didn’t have time to go anywhere.

Rob yells at Lynn post break.

Flair is talking to no one it seems and things start moving around. He says Sting isn’t the Joker and we hear a pipe fall. Flair keeps looking for him and more stuff moves/falls. He calls out Sting but all he hears are more noises. Something big falls and Flair says he’s counting to five and is starting at four. He doesn’t have time for this as he has to go to a bar later. Sting finally appears but someone jumps him. It’s Gunner and Sting rams him into some boxes. Flair fires Gunner and leaves while Sting keeps beating on him. Sting tells Gunner he’ll go somewhere someday.

Time for more Eric Young hijinks. He tries to wrestle some woman and wants to find Scott Baio, again. He’s told Baio is in the Valley and the showdown is next week. Good for it.

Crimson is here and is limping.

Here’s Crimson in the arena and he’s limping badly. He says he used to respect Angle and calls him out because they have some issues now. Angle doesn’t respect him because he’s a nobody. The young talent, built around Angle, has meant nothing. Without Angle, Crimson is uncoordinated and green. Angle says Crimson needs him (Angle) to get anywhere. Crimson says no one in the back disrespects Angle and Angle calls Crimson nothing.

He goes to leave and Crimson stops him. Crimson challenges Angle for next week where he’ll show him why he’s the future and and the here and now. He’s REAL. He’s DANG REAL.

Mexican America says they’ll win the titles next.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Mexican America

The Jarretts are on commentary here. This is billed as the final showdown. The champs take over to start as Jeff talks about Mexico and is way funnier than he should be, especially given what he’s talking about. Hernandez gets a shot in on Storm and takes over, also getting two. Off to Anarquia who gets two off a double shoulder block.

Jeff and Karen are shocked that Tenay speaks so highly of the Guerreros. He accuses Hector of having some cerveza as Storm gets a shot in on Anarquia but Hernandez breaks up the tag. Border Toss is countered into a Codebreaker and here’s Roode off the hot tag. Blockbuster gets two. Angle has accepted Crimson’s challenge. Beer Money hits a slingshot into a DDT on Anarquia.

Double suplex puts Hernandez down and LET’S SHOUT OUR NAMES! Rosita comes in and spits beer in Storm’s face which doesn’t work for some reason here. They go after her and Karen bounces down to ringside. Jeff comes down as well and the distraction lets Hernandez get a shot to the head of Roode with the AAA belt and the Mexicans win the titles at 7:25.

Rating: C. Match wasn’t bad and they really needed to dot he title switch here. Beer Money had held the titles forever and the switch is the right thing here, especially with the Jarrett Mexican Champion thing going on. Not a great match or anything but it accomplished the goal that it needed to, which is really all you can ask for here.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t without merit but it felt like it was boring for the most part. It’s very hit or miss and the misses caught up with it at the end. Sting and Flair were on screen WAY too much tonight. The problem with that is it takes up from other stuff you can do, like have a match for example. Winter and Angelina are vampires or something (totally more serious than leprechauns right?) and Eric Young is still in Hollywood because COMEDY IS GREAT, especially when it keeps the champion from defending his title in two and a half months right?

On the other hand the Crimson thing was good and you can see the shapings of the next two PPVs really coming into focus. Having Joe do the run-in post match was interesting and it would make me think he’s going to No Surrender, but if he can never get a match how is that supposed to happen? I guess that’s what house shows are for but they’re rapidly running out of time. Anyway, hit and miss show tonight and it certainly wasn’t horrible, but it missed for the most part I thought.

 

Results

Scott Steiner b. Devon – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Austin Aries won a gauntlet match last eliminating Jesse Sorensen

Mickie James b. ODB – Jumping DDT

AJ Styles b. Rob Van Dam via DQ when Jerry Lynn interfered

Mexican America b. Beer Money – Hernandez pinned Roode after a belt shot

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 21, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Sting is world champion again and it’s time to begin the road to Hardcore Justice and his match with Angle. It seems that they’re going to build towards the main event on the idea that Angle has never beaten Sting which isn’t true but it was long enough ago that I doubt many people remember it. Anyway, there’s also a BFG Series four way ladder match tonight so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week with the clowns and Sting winning the title thanks to Angle.

Here’s the new champ to open the show. He says hi to his mom and says that he’s back on track now, much to the chagrin of Hogan and Bischoff. He’s still insane here. Game on apparently. Sting says this is supposed to be the part of the promo where he’s supposed to talk about how we can do this the easy way or the hard way but he stops and says it’ll just be his way.

Sting says he’s insane and there’s a good feeling about it. The insane asylum is open now. He wants Hogan and Bischoff to come out and here’s a clown instead. It’s Angle and he takes off the mask to prove it. He gets in the ring and says he respects Sting because Sting is the champion. Even though Sting is trying to get the company back in the hands of Dixie Carter, Sting has what Angle wants.

Angle says that both of them are legends but only one can be champion. It has to be him because he’s given himself no other choice. Sting says that they have a dilemma here but Immortal, in the form of Anderson and Ray, cut them off. Ray mentions the obvious tag match and talks about using a bat on the ribs of Angle, like Angle did last week. Ray works hard on his abs and didn’t like a bat going into them. Anderson says he didn’t work so hard to get it all taken away from him like that. Sting has to deal with him tonight.

Bound For Glory standings:

Crimson 31

Gunner 21

D-Von 21

Matt Morgan 14

AJ Styles 14

James Storm 14

Rob Van Dam 14

Bully Ray 14

Scott Steiner 7

Bobby Roode 7

The Pope 0

Samoa Joe 0

Bound For Glory Series: Scott Steiner vs. Rob Van Dam

Steiner jumps him almost immediately and hits the overhead belly to belly to take over. Rob can’t get anything going and we hit a bow and arrow hold. Steiner looks like he has a new tattoo that looks like a chain around his neck. Rob gets out of the corner and this a nice superkick to put Scott down for a second. Out to the floor and RVD gets the spinning leg drop which needs a name.

Back inside and Steiner wants time out. Rob instead hits him in the face. Steiner gets a boot up in the corner and hits the spinning belly to belly. Now Rob gets a foot in Scott’s face to set up Rolling Thunder for two. Into the corner they go and Scott gets an elevated Downward Spiral for two as Rob gets his foot on the rope. Steiner Line sets up the pushups which the referee goes up and down with for some reason. Steiner yells at him for it and Rob rolls him up for the pin at 6:05.

Rating: C. Just a match here for the most part. Power vs. speed is my favorite match variety so this worked fine. Scott can be a decent bully when he wants to be. Van Dam does little more than signature moves anymore which is a bit of a problem but that comes with age I guess. Either way, nothing great but fine for what it was.

Mickie is here and wants to talk to Velvet. Here she is completely with the shaking entrance. Mickie talks about how she’s seen people going after Velvet and blame her for all kinds of stuff. That’s why Mickie is honored to give Velvet her first title shot tonight. They hug and here are Winter and Angelina. Love says that this is about competition so Velvet and Mickie should just go get a hotel room.

She finally has gotten what Winter has been trying to tell her: she’s a five time Women’s Champion and yet no one gives her the respect she deserves. This is old school Angelina here. She’ll get the title back no matter who wins tonight. Winter says she’ll win at Hardcore Justice and the title will be theirs. Night is about to fall according to the seasonal one.

Sarita and Rosita jump Tessmacher and Tara on their way to the ring. They have a tag match later.

Back and the beating is still going on. As least take the skirt off Tessmacher! Madison jumps in and it’s a big beatdown. Sarita has a face guard on which we’ll get the story on later.

We get comments from all four people in the ladder match tonight. Joe says he’s the best and he’s taking the opportunity he’s been given. Morgan says he doesn’t care who’s in there with him, he’s getting the ten points. Gunner says he’s destined to be a world champion. AJ says he’ll win because he’s Bound For Glory. Daniels comes in to talk to AJ and says not in front of the camera. The camera stays anyway and AJ isn’t happy with what Daniels says, then slams the door on the camera.

We get a video “shot on a cell phone” of a brawl last week between the same chicks where Sarita got her face hurt.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Miss Tessmacher/Tara

Tara and Tessmacher wait for the champs to come through the curtain to jump them. After a beating in the aisle there’s the bell. A double team sends Tara to the floor and Tessmacher hits a double clothesline. Hey, since there are four hot chicks in the ring, let’s show the old Spanish announce team! Tessmacher gets beaten down as we start the actual match here. There’s the required USA chant as Tessmacher takes Rosita down. Just not down enough for a tag.

Everything breaks down quickly as Hebner puts Tara out. More double teaming gets two on Tessmacher. Tara comes in again and throws Tessmacher to their own corner to guarantee a hot tag. Tara cleans house with some awkward looking punches. Widow’s Peak is set up forever but doesn’t hit Sarita because Madison runs in to break it up. Sarita rolls Tara up but only gets two. Tessmacher is thrown into Sarita and actually manages a Stratusfaction bulldog. Tara hits a chokebomb and Tessmacher gets a small package for stereo pins at 4:43 to give us new champs.

Rating: C-. Not like the title mean anything but having Tessmacher and Tara hug each other a lot is never a bad thing. Does anyone ever successfully defend the tag titles anymore? Either way, this was a bit better than most of their matches and it helps that Tessmacher has an actual finishing move now rather than the amplified Stinkface.

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Matt Morgan vs. Gunner

This is a ladder match and good for ten points. Gunner and AJ start on the floor. Morgan is in all white and here comes the ladder. Joe hits a baseball slide to take out Gunner and AJ. Now Morgan and Joe are fighting over the ladder so Gunner takes it in the face instead. AJ gets up to a huge pop and slams the ladder into I think Morgan’s hand. Morgan grabs a chokeslam but AJ backflips out of it.

Pele puts Morgan down in the corner but Gunner gets back in with a slingshot suplex to Styles. AJ sends him to the floor as the ladder hasn’t been unfolded yet. Morgan in control again and he throws AJ into the ladder. AJ walks up the ladder but jumps into a fallaway slam. Joe hits a senton backsplash and sets up the ladder. Gunner is back in to break it up though as the pacing in this is fast so far. Joe hits the ropes and dives onto Morgan.

Gunner goes up the ladder but AJ springboards onto said ladder and the slugout is on. Gunner goes down and Joe makes the save. Pele takes Joe down and AJ sets the ladder again. Gunner clears the ring again. Carbon Footprint kills Gunner dead though and Morgan wins at 5:00. Shortest ladder match ever perhaps?

Rating: B-. The length is what holds this back because the speed and pacing were great. Pretty fun little match overall but I hope it doesn’t turn into a bunch of gimmick matches added onto the Series to make it more exciting. It defeats the purpose of the gimmicks entirely, but having one every now and then is ok.

Eric Young is in some story trying to defend the TV Title. He wants to defend against C Lo Green but it’s D’Lo Brown. Brown says this is stupid and tries to leave. Young rolls him up and runs. Brown says Young better recognize.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Alex Shelley

They shake hands pre match. Kendrick misses a dropkick to start and Shelly rolls him up very quickly for two. Shelley keeps using weird rollup combinations which are kind of cool. They speed things up and Kendrick tries Sliced Bread #2 which they both use as their finisher. Neither can hit it so Shelley works on the ribs a bit. Surfboard goes on but it’s not the awesome lifting version.

Dive by Kendrick is blocked by a kick that might have connected but I’m not sure. Top rope cross body only gets two but he gets it three times. Only in wrestling is 2+2+2 not more than three. Shelley hammers off some forearms but Kendrick gets one of his own and a leg lariat to send Alex to the floor. The dive hits this time and Shelley is in trouble. Back in the ring a top rope splash misses and Shelley hits Sliced Bread on the apron. Both guys are down on the floor now. Shelley throws him back in but Austin Aries pops up and hits Shelley in the head with the X Title and Kendrick pins him at 5:30. Don’t think Kendrick saw it.

Rating: B-. Fun match while it lasted but again, GIVE A MATCH MORE THAN SIX MINUTES! These two were having a good match and I was getting into it but oh snap they’ve gone five whole minutes so it’s time to wrap things up! Unless your name is Sting, you’re not getting that much time and it’s getting old. Still though, fun while it lasted.

Kendrick isn’t happy with the interference by Aries.

Mexican America complains because that’s what they do. Here’s Beer Money for the staredown before Hardcore Justice. Storm says shut up and go cut his grass. Storm hypes up Roode as being awesome and says he (Storm) is a country boy (said in a bit more elaborate way). Beer Money is better and they’re going to beat the Mexicans for the people and for the Mexican legends. Storm says go mark your calendars because at the PPV, Beer Money is shutting them up. Roode says sorry about your luck to end this. Really liked this as it made me want to see them fight, which is the entire point of promos.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky

Winter and Angelina come out and jump Mickie before the match. Velvet comes out to help and it’s more like a tag match than a regular one. The nice girls beat down the evil ones but ODB and Jackie come through the crowd to beat down Mickie and Velvet. Dang it NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU. Traci Brooks of all people comes out for the save. It’s a big brawl and no match actually happens. The fans say let them fight and ODB loses a shoe somehow. ODB and Jackie beat up various men and that’s about it. Oh and cops take them away in cuffs.

Traci doesn’t like Jackie and ODB.

Bully Ray/Mr. Anderson vs. Sting/Kurt Angle

Ray cuts off Anderson’s entrance because it’s what the fans want to hear. Anderson does it anyway. We get big match intros to make sure that they don’t have enough time for a lot of wrestling here. Ray jumps Sting from behind to start and knocks him into Angle who goes to the floor. Off to Anderson who hammers away on Clown Boy. Sting plays Ricky Morton for awhile with Anderson going after his knees. Ray misses the backsplash of course and Sting brings in Kurt as Anderson is tagged also. House is cleaned and a Stinger Splash and Angle Slam end Anderson at 4:00. Well that was quick.

Rating: C-. It’s a main event tag match and in that regard it was fine, but dude, FOUR MINUTES for the main event? Is this 1997 all of a sudden? I know it’s just a quick thing to advance Sting vs. Angle and give them time together out there, but maybe they should have cut some of the other repetitive stuff from earlier so this could have had more time. Nothing to see here for the most part.

Sting asks Angle if he’s gone too far and leaves Angle in the ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked this one far more than I’ve liked most shows they’ve put on recently. It’s not perfect and is pretty far from it, but there’s definitely a structure there that makes this work. No Hogan and Bischoff helped this I think as they should be more of a feature attraction. There are definite holes in the show (FOUR Knockout brawls for instance) but they’re miles ahead of what they were doing a few weeks and months ago.

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Scott Steiner – Rollup

Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. Sarita/Rosita – Chokebomb to Sarita

Matt Morgan b. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Gunner – Morgan grabbed the contract

Brian Kendrick b. Alex Shelley – Kendrick pinned Shelly after Austin Aries hit Shelley with the belt

Kurt Angle/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Bully Ray – Angle Slam to Anderson