Monday Night Raw – January 15, 2007: Vince Is Gonna Vince

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2007
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on the way to the Royal Rumble though you might not know it based on how the last few weeks have gone. Instead, the last few weeks have focused on various celebrities, or at least celebrity impersonators in last week’s case. The actual wrestling stories coming out of last week saw a likely rematch being set up between John Cena and Umaga for the Raw World Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the traditional Martin Luther King Jr. Day video. That’s a rather nice tradition for the show.

Here is John Cena to get things going and we’ve got a contract signing. Boss Jonathan Coachman brings out Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada and Umaga turns the chair over in a hurry. Coach has an idea to make the match special, so Estrada gets to pick the stipulation. Estrada doesn’t want another fluke win, so we’ll be having a Last Man Standing match.

Since Umaga is, you know, a savage, Estrada signs for him, but Cena says he must be crazy to do this. Well sure why not, so Cena signs and then dives onto Umaga to start the fight. They go to the floor and Cena hits him in the head with the steps. Back in and the FU puts Estrada through the table. Counting the King video and the opening, we are done with this segment about ten minutes into the show. I can absolutely go with that kind of efficiency for a contract signing.

Johnny Nitro/Melina vs. Jeff Hardy/Maria

Maria doing Jeff’s entrance dance is certainly a sight. Nitro bails from the threat of an early Twist of Fate attempt so it’s off to Melina. Maria comes in and bulldogs her out of the corner for two but Nitro trips her from the apron. We hit the reverse chinlock to put Maria down for a change but she counters a backbreaker into a headscissors. It’s off to Nitro so Maria kicks him in the shin, allowing Jeff to hit the Whisper in the Wind. Maria takes Melina outside, leaving Jeff to break up a superplex attempt. The Swanton is good for the pin on Nitro.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to do much but it was a fine way to advance both feuds, even if the men should have wrapped up. Maria isn’t going to be a serious competitor in the ring but at least she can do enough basic stuff to get by in something like this. Let the experienced people get in and do their thing and get out, which is exactly what they did here.

Vince McMahon calls Donald Trump but Trump’s secretary, who doesn’t know who Vince is, says he is having dinner. Vince starts to give out the number but looks at Coach and stops himself. Coach doesn’t seem to buy that Trump is going to call back.

Here is Rated-RKO for a chat but DX’s music interrupts them. The music turns into a flatline sound though, with Randy Orton saying that is what is happening to DX. Tonight they are taking out Shawn Michaels and HHH is already sitting at home recovering from a torn quadricep muscle.

Orton leaves to take care of something backstage while Edge talks about how Shawn’s TV debut took place near here, so him being destroyed makes sense. Edge goes to check on Orton….and they drag out a bloody Jim Duggan. Since Duggan might help Shawn later, we need a demonstration of what Shawn has coming for him. Duggan gets a Conchairto and here are the referees, just a few seconds late of course.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

How many times are these guys going to fight??? Flair takes him into the corner for the chops to start and there’s a headlock takeover. Dykstra fights up and gets in a shot to Flair’s knee, setting up a Figure Four of his own. That’s broken up and Flair chops away before cutting off a charge with an elbow to the face. Flair goes up and actually hits something like a top rope clothesline for two. JR: “I think we just saw a moment!” Dykstra is right back with a rollup but gets caught grabbing the rope. Flair’s rollup with trunks gets two so he tries another and, this time with putting his feet on the ropes, gets the pin.

Rating: C-. And they’re done. Or at least they should be, as this feud has already gone on far too long. Flair took him to school here and got his win back. Now let the whole thing go and move on to anything else, because it wasn’t exactly an interesting feud in the first place. Dykstra is as midcard of a midcard heel as you can get so let’s move on to something else already.

Smackdown Rebound.

Shawn Michaels arrives and is told about what happened to Jim Duggan. That’s not what Shawn wanted but he only has one partner. He’ll do this alone tonight, but Ric Flair comes in to say he’ll fight with Shawn tonight. Shawn shakes his hand but still seems nervous.

Vince McMahon is still waiting on Donald Trump’s call but Coach suggests it might be Vince’s batteries. Vince: “There is nothing wrong with my batteries.” Coach asks Vince what the big deal is and Vince pulls out a letter that Trump sent him last week. The letter talks about how Trump is a big WWE fan but he didn’t like the Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell match last week. Trump will be watching this week and wants something better. Oh and watch the Apprentice on Sunday nights. Coach is a fan, but Vince would rather talk about the compelling television you are about to see.

Wrestlemania is coming in 76 days.

Here is Vince McMahon to give us compelling television and I’m as scared as you are. He knows Donald Trump wants compelling television so let’s look at Rosie vs. Trump from last week. Hold on though as we need to see it in SLOW MOTION. Vince sees a difference between himself and Trump: instead of asking the audience what they want and then giving it to them like Trump, Vince decides what his fans wants and then gives it to them (How in the world is that not a FAR more quoted line?).

Vince moves on to the Miss USA controversy, as she did something that meant she should lose her crown. It turns out that Miss USA is here tonight, so here is Torrie Wilson in a gown. Torrie reluctantly says she has been a bad girl and asks how she can make it up to Vince, America’s Favorite Billionaire.

Cue an angry Carlito to interrupt and say that Vince is not cool. Trump vs. Rosie sucked and this is brutal. Trump was right: Vince doesn’t know what people want and the fans want to see people fight. Vince likes that idea and is ready to go right now…but let’s have Great Khali do it instead. Carlito gets in a few shots until a big chop and the double chokeslam leave him laying. Vince: “Now that? That’s cool.”

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Victoria

Mickie is defending so Victoria pulls her down by the hair. That’s fine enough as Mickie jumps over her in the corner and does the same thing. Mickie gets draped over the top rope so Mickie can throw in a few spanks. That earns Mickie a trip to the floor and a baseball slide takes her out in a hurry. Back in and Victoria tosses her around by the hair and then stands on it for a bonus. Mickie cradles her for two so Victoria pulls on her leg. That’s broken up but the MickieDT is countered into the swinging side slam. Mickie is sick of this and hits a spinning kick to the face to retain.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t exactly their best work as it felt sluggish to go with all of the botches. These two are capable of having a good match because they have the chemistry together, but it just wasn’t clicking this time. This should end the feud, as Mickie can move on to Melina while Victoria can continue to be more talented than most of the women featured on the show.

We recap the contract signing.

Royal Rumble rundown….now with 25 names already entered into the Rumble. There is something to be said for the “throw everyone in at once” method.

Here is Chris Masters for a chat. He is ready for the Royal Rumble and the winner is standing before you. Masters pulls out a note while talking about how no one can break the Masterlock. The note is a signed document from Vince McMahon himself, which says that since JBL interfered in Iraq, the Masterlock has NEVER been broken.

The Masterlock Challenge is on again so here is Ron Simmons of all people to accept. Masters immediately starts backing off but Simmons shoves him down. The hold goes on and, after the usual escape tease….Super Crazy of all people comes in to jump Masters. Simmons watches as Crazy lays Masters out, meaning it’s catchphrase time.

Wrestlemania Recall: Rob Van Dam wins Money in the Bank.

JR confirms that Simmons did NOT break the Masterlock, due to Crazy’s interference.

Ric Flair has been attacked and laid out. Again. What is that, three times since Rated-RKO formed?

JTG vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shad Gaspard and Charlie Haas are here too. Shelton breaks up an early headscissors to start by hitting a shoulder breaker out of the corner. A hammerlock stays on the arm and Shelton sends it hard into the buckle. The referee has to yell at Shad as JTG fights back, only to get kicked in the face. Shad uses the distraction to unhook a turnbuckle pad so Haas complains, allowing Shad to break up a powerbomb attempt to give JTG the pin.

Ric Flair is on his way to the hospital so Shawn Michaels is rather upset. He superkicks Todd Grisham to blow off some steam.

We get a video with HHH talking about his quad injury and surgery. This goes on for a good while.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Before the match, Rated-RKO mocks DX’s intro and has security confiscate all of the DX signs. Shawn charges in and starts fast by sending both of them out to the floor. We settle down to Edge getting chopped in the corner until he rakes the eyes to escape. Orton comes in and gets hammered down in a hurry. Shawn is sent outside though and Edge blasts him with a running clothesline.

Back in and Edge hammers Shawn down without much effort to bust him open. Orton’s backbreaker lets Edge hammer away even more until we take a break. It’s back to Orton to get in some right hands of his own but Shawn flips over in the corner and nails a clothesline. Edge comes back in and spears Orton by mistake and Shawn has a chance.

The comeback is on with the forearm into the nipup into the atomic drop. Shawn’s top rope elbow connects but he can’t follow up right away. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Shawn has to jump Orton as he comes back in. Edge hits the spear and now it’s time for the chairs so the referee throws it out.

Rating: C. This worked out about as well as it could have as there was only so much that could be done here. Shawn can’t beat the champs on his own but you don’t want them beating Shawn because he has no partner and no real place to go if he loses. It wasn’t a bad match at all, but it was much more about finding a way out than anything else.

Post match the Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn nips it up into Edge’s face which is only slightly better than I remember seeing it live. Shawn fights back and finds the sledgehammer to knock Orton out. A Conchairto is loaded up and Orton is crushed to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m glad they have named most of the Royal Rumble entrants but the rest of the show was barely worth seeing. The contract signing worked, but it was one of those shows where it felt like they didn’t have much to do and jumped through the two hours as quickly as they could. While it isn’t a terrible show, it’s a totally skippable one (especially the Trump/Vince stuff), which tends to be the case until we get to the Rumble.

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Monday Night Raw – January 8, 2007: One Of Their Worst Ideas Ever

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 8, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after New Year’s Revolution and things have changed a bit. That bit would be HHH tearing his quadricep again during the DX vs. Rated-RKO tag match. Odds are that is going to shake up a good amount of the show as we head towards Wrestlemania. Other than that, John Cena retained the World Title over Umaga with a quick rollup. We’re less than a month away from the Royal Rumble too so let’s get to it.

Here is New Year’s Revolution if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the DX vs. Rated-RKO tag match, with HHH blowing out his leg but managing to beat up Rated-RKO after the match anyway.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell. The sighing is going to be strong with this one.

Here is John Cena to get thing going. After taking a few moments, Cena quietly says the champ is here. Cena: “You know what really yanks my noodle?” Before Cena left the building last night, Armando Alejandro Estrada was on WWE.com saying Umaga lost in a fluke. Last night, Cena took a beating for thirty minutes (17:20 by my notes) but he doesn’t know what Estrada means by a fluke. Cena is thinking about giving Umaga a rematch tonight but that might be the concussion talking.

Since this is where Cena made his Raw debut, he polls the fans on said rematch taking place. Cue Coach instead, and tonight Umaga is getting the night off. Cena doesn’t buy that and is expecting to be jumped on he way to the car or in the….Cena: “Never mind.”. Coach doesn’t like Cena’s attitude but he has an idea for tonight. See, contracts expire, so Cena can face Raw’s newest acquisition. Cue the Great Khali for the staredown but Coach backs the monster off.

Video on Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump, as they have been feuding in the media for a good while. Sounds like wrestling time to me.

Vince McMahon talks about how there are matches which reshape the wrestling world, such as Sammartino vs. Graham, Hogan vs. Andre and Austin vs. The Rock. Tonight, it’s “the Brash Billionaire vs. the Left Leaning Lesbian!”. Vince has a cake and here is “Rosie” (played by indy wrestler Kiley McLean, who ever did anything) to be rather annoying. She’s happy with the cake (Rosie: “It’s my fudgey!”), which she thinks could have been colder. Vince: “You are what you eat.” She’ll devour Trump tonight too. This is dumber than it sounds, though I’m sure those TNA chants are just a figment of Vince’s imagination.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Kenny Dykstra

Jeff is defending and banged up from the cage match last night. Dykstra hammers him in the back but Jeff is right back with the slingshot dropkick in the corner. That’s enough to send Dykstra to the floor for a dive off the apron and we take a break. Back with Dykstra hitting a neckbreaker and a pair of clotheslines for one. A jumping back elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock. Jeff fights up for the Whisper in the Wind and a kick to the chest takes Dykstra out of the air. Cue Johnny Nitro to yell at Jeff but Ric Flair comes in to low blow Dykstra. The Twist of Fate and Swanton retain the title.

Rating: C-. That should set up a tag match as Flair vs. Dykstra continues. The match wasn’t much to see but for a pretty quick TV title defense, it worked out well. Dykstra continues to be a mostly average heel but Hardy getting a win should be fine. I’m not sure how much Hardy vs. Nitro needs to continue, but the matches, both singles and tags, should be good.

Rosie, with a muffin, likes the idea of going into the Divas locker room.

Earlier today, HHH went to see Dr. James Andrews and the surgery is tomorrow. He’s going to be out 4-6 months.

Rosie shows Maria and Candice Michelle vacation photos while looking at various parts of them. After Rosie leaves, Maria thinks Rosie liked her outfit. Candice agrees, though at least she seems to get it. This is the beat you over the head with the joke portion of the show.

Video on Great Khali being a monster.

Great Khali says….I’m assuming something about John Cena.

New Year’s Revolution 2007 (2021 Redo): Revolting

New Year’s Revolution 2007
Date: January 7, 2007
Location: Kemper Memorial Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first pay per view of the year with Raw running the annual early January show. This time around we have a double main event of John Cena defending the Raw World Title against the undefeated Umaga and a pretty big grudge match between D-Generation X and Rated-RKO, winner gets the exclusive hyphen rights. Let’s get to it.

The cage is lowered for the opening.

Opening sequence, featuring a look at the double main event and nothing else. That is probably a good idea.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

In a cage and Nitro, with Melina, is challenging. Nitro starts fast by hammering him around the ring early on and Hardy gets pounded down in the corner. Hardy is back with some right hands but a belly to back faceplant puts him down again. The Flying Chuck gets two on Hardy, who scores with the flying clothesline/half Sling Blade. The mule kick drops Nitro again but a Stunner over the top rope cuts Hardy off. Nitro drives him into the cage (first time it has been used so far) but Jeff is right back to cut off a climb attempt.

A dropkick sends Nitro back first into the cage and they both crash down. Hardy can’t get out yet, despite a heck of a jump to the top of the cage. Nitro belly to back superplexes him right back down but Hardy is back with a catapult into the cage. They both go up to the top and it’s a super Russian legsweep to bring them both back down. Hardy goes up so Nitro climbs onto him for the save, setting up a sunset bomb for another double knockdown. Nitro is up first and tries to climb out so Hardy pulls him…not down as Nitro has his legs tied in the cage, meaning Jeff crashes hard.

Since that is rather painful, Nitro comes back down and Jeff reaches for the cage, only to have Melina whip the wall with her belt. A missile dropkick puts Hardy down again but he counters a high crossbody into….something, but it puts them both down. It’s Nitro up first but Hardy pulls him over the top, only to have a super Twist of Fate broken up. Nitro starts climbing out as Hardy goes for the door, meaning Nitro climbs around to the door to stop him instead of, you know, jumping down. Melina blocks the door as a bonus, so Hardy kicks it open, crotching Nitro on the top in the process, and retains.

Rating: B-. This was built around the idea of two people going up and then crashing back down a lot, which is where Hardy excels. The ending was clever too so it was a pretty good way to go about the title match. It’s a smart choice for an opener as anyone can get into the idea of a cage match, especially between some people as talented as these two.

Rated-RKO can’t believe that they are being asked about how their issues with DX became personal. They have busted DX open and now they are fighting for their futures. Tonight, they’re finishing DX.

Tag Team Turmoil

Bonus match for the #1 contendership. The Highlanders are in at #1 and Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin are in at #2 to get things going. Rory and Haas start things off with neither getting very far, meaning it’s off to Robbie instead. Haas gets taken into the corner but Rory misses a charge in the corner, allowing the villains to take over. Benjamin gets to hit the jumping dive onto Rory’s back and Haas adds a slam onto the back for two.

The chinlock goes on but Shelton’s legs go off on a slam, allowing Rory to fall on top for two. Robbie comes in and gets to clean some house, including a belly to back suplex to Haas. Benjamin rakes Robbie’s eyes on top though and a top rope superplex is good for the pin. Jim Duggan/Super Crazy is in at #3 (much to commentary’s shock) with Duggan hammering and clotheslining Benjamin.

A running knee lift takes Duggan back down and the beating is on in the corner. Duggan hits the three point clothesline for a breather though and the hot tag brings in Crazy to pick up the pace. Crazy hits a basement dropkick on Haas but Benjamin hits a cheap shot from the floor, allowing Haas to grab a bridging German suplex for the pin. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch are in at #4 with Cade slamming Benjamin in a hurry.

An atomic drop sets up Murdoch’s big boot and the neck crank goes on. A neckbreaker finally gets Benjamin out of trouble and it’s back to Haas to (barely) pick up the pace. Haas flapjacks Murdoch to set up the Haas of Pain (an underrated hold) but Cade breaks it up, allowing Murdoch to steal the pin. Cryme Tyme is in at #5 as JR tries to figure out if there are any more teams left on the Raw roster. Given that we had one new team thrown in, that means the division is four teams, plus the champs who are barely involved with the rest of the teams.

Shad hammers Cade down to start but JTG dances a bit too long, allowing Murdoch to come back in. Commentary confirms that these are the last two teams and Murdoch elbows JTG down. Some choking with the tag rope keeps JTG in trouble but Murdoch dives into a raised boot. Cade breaks up the hot tag though because this match needs to keep going. JTG finally slides out of a double suplex though and it’s the hot tag to Shad so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and the G9 hits Cade to give Shad the pin.

Rating: D. This was long, not very interesting and showed how lame the tag division is at the moment. Cryme Tyme was the only option to win here and it could be a good Tag Team Title match, but this really did not need to go almost twenty minutes. Pretty bad match here, but much more boring than bad, which is even worse.

Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman are in the back with Vince complaining about how much Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump have been yelling at each other as of late. Coach thinks it sounds like something coming out of the WWE. Vince: “It sounds like something coming out of the WWE.” Therefore, we need to resolve it with physical abuse, meaning we can have a match between the two of them on Raw. Oh here we go. Coach is also glad that Vince has taken back YOU’RE FIRED and goes on about it so long that Vince leaves. Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

Dykstra comes out in a Flair style robe. Before the match, he talks about knowing that Flair got hit with a Conchairto on Raw but just because Flair saying that he is “still recovering” is no excuse to not come out here and take his beating. Cue Flair in the pink robe and we’re ready to go. Commentary talks about how much Flair had accomplished by the time Kenny was born (four World Titles) as Dykstra hits the strut to start. A dropkick puts Flair down for an early two and there’s a fist drop to keep him in trouble.

Flair is right back with the chops and shots to the face, including a big chop to put Kenny on the floor. That’s too much waiting for Flair so he follows Kenny out, only to get suplexed for a hard landing. Back in and another suplex gives Kenny two, followed by a strutting elbow for the same. Kenny grabs a Boston crab to draw some screaming but Flair (very) eventually makes the rope.

Flair chops his way out of the corner but Kenny knocks him right back down. Kenny’s Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Flair unloads in the corner. For some reason Flair goes up top but gets slammed back down. A poke to the eye gives Flair a breather though and it’s time for some chop blocks. There’s a knee to the head and a step between the legs, setting up the Figure Four. Flair even gets in some slaps but Kenny finally makes the rope. They slug it out in the corner until Kenny gets in a quick low blow, setting up the small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. Much like the previous match, this wasn’t the most interesting match because Dykstra isn’t exactly thrilling to see most of the time. They’re playing up the idea that Flair doesn’t have it anymore, but the head injury wasn’t a factor and it was mainly Flair getting beaten up for ten minutes. I’ll give them points for trying with Kenny though, as they could use some fresh talent.

Melina checks on Johnny Nitro in the trainer’s room. Nitro says to call Joey Mercury because the Hardys are going to pay for what they did. Melina goes to make the call but runs into Victoria, who says Melina is the one Diva missing from her list. That’s because they can be a team who can take over the women’s division. If Melina helps her win the Women’s Title tonight, Melina can have the first title shot.

We recap Victoria’s hit list, setting up her title shot tonight.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Mickie James

Victoria is challenging and shoves Mickie down without much effort to start. Something like a Muta Lock has Mickie in trouble and Victoria shows off a bit by backflipping onto her feet. Mickie is back up with some armdrags into a dropkick for two but the hurricanrana out of the corner is broken up. Instead Victoria kicks her to the floor for a drop onto the apron. Back in and a hair toss gives Victoria two but she misses a moonsault.

Mickie slugs away for two and grabs a hurricanrana out of the corner. Cue Melina to check on Victoria so Mickie hits her in the face. The MickieDT is broken up by a Melina distraction. Cue Maria and Candice Michelle to take care of Melina as Mickie reverses the Widow’s Peak into a sunset flip for two. Mickie counters a slam into a tornado DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess and the ending didn’t make it much better. The problem here was that there wasn’t much of a reason to believe that Victoria was winning the title, even though she pinned Mickie a few weeks ago. Then you throw in the interference, which was hardly interesting either. Not terrible, but this show is needing a big pick up and this wasn’t it.

Post match Mickie, Candice, Maria and Lilian Garcia (who Victoria went after as well) celebrate.

We recap Rated-RKO vs. D-Generation X, which somehow is focused almost entirely on Ric Flair. Rated-RKO took Flair out and since DX are basically Flair’s kids, it’s time for some revenge. DX got beaten down as well though, even if that doesn’t make it quite as personal as the Flair stuff.

Tag Team Titles: Rated-RKO vs. D-Generation X

Rated-RKO is defending. Before the match, HHH uses his weird frosted cereal analogy and it still doesn’t quite work. The brawl starts in the aisle, as it should have in a feud this violent. HHH backdrops Edge onto the ramp and throws him inside for the bell and some right hands from Shawn. It’s already off to HHH to stomp away and sends Edge face first into the corner but Shawn misses a charge into the post. Orton gets to come in and hammer away in the corner, only to get snapmared down for a stomp to the face.

There’s an elbow on the apron from HHH and a legdrop from Shawn as the beating continues. Orton is a bit cut open so DX takes turns hammering away at the head. Edge’s cheap shot from the apron cuts HHH off though and the champs take over for the first time. HHH’s leg is wrapped around the post but he kicks a Figure Four attempt away to send Edge shoulder first into the post. The hot tag brings in Shawn to clean house and there’s the big dive to the floor to take out Edge and Orton.

They head back in, with Edge spearing Shawn off the apron and back to the floor. Orton gets in a belt shot to Shawn to bust him open as well (and much worse than Orton) and Edge is right there to hammer on the cut. Back in and Orton hits the rapid fire circle stomp for two and it’s off to Edge again for more right hands to the head. Orton forearms away at the back and strikes a pose, followed by some raking of the eyes. The double arm crank goes on but Shawn fights up for a suplex.

Edge hits a big boot though and it’s Orton coming back in to load up the RKO. Since that takes the better part of ever, Shawn shoves it away and it’s a double tag to bring in Edge and HHH. House is cleaned and there’s a facebuster into a clothesline to send Edge outside. The spinebuster hits Orton….and HHH has torn his quad again (meaning he’ll be gone until Summerslam). He is still able to hit (most of) a spinebuster on Edge for two but Orton hits an RKO (or as close as HHH can get to taking one).

Shawn superkicks Orton down and Edge covers HHH for two. Back up the spear hits corner, allowing HHH to hit a better than expected Pedigree. That seems to be all he had left though as he can’t really cover, with Orton making a save. Shawn sends Orton outside for a dive and hits the referee, followed by a pair of nasty chair shots. HHH gets a chair of his own as Orton is WAY busted open. DX unloads with chair shots and stands tall as the match is thrown out.

Rating: B. HHH managing to fight through the ending alone is worth a bonus as that is one of the more impressive things I’ve seen in a good bit. It was a good match leading up to the injury and then they kept it moving even after that. With the ending being the perfect way to keep things going and get out of a bad situation. HHH was impressive here but it’s a shame that he is going to be gone for so long.

Post match (Maybe?) it’s a Pedigree to put Edge onto (not through) the announcers’ table and Shawn’s elbow puts Orton through another announcers’ table.

John Cena is told that it is clear Umaga wants some, but will he get some. Cena does his movie trailer/hype man impression and manages to mock Umaga’s lack of English at the same time. Thankfully Cena gets serious and admits that he is up against a monster who has not been pinned or made to submit. He isn’t going to give up though because he is proud to call himself the WWE Champion. Umaga is undefeated but nothing lasts forever and nothing is stopping him from leaving as WWE Champion.

Orton’s blood is EVERYWHERE, with a pool of it laying on the floor.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito. Masters bails into the corner to start so Carlito takes him down and hammers away with left hands. A backdrop gets Masters out of trouble but Carlito is right back with a shot to the face. The double springboard moonsault gives Carlito two but Masters throws him down with one arm. A backbreaker into a clothesline gets two on Carlito and Masters asks if he is trying to impress Torrie. Back up and Carlito hits a knee lift into a flapjack for two so Masters tries the Masterlock. That’s blocked as well but the counter is countered into a cradle (with trunks) to give Masters the pin.

Rating: C-. Another Raw level match here and that is not what the show needed. Masters and Carlito are not the most interesting people in the first place and now we get to see them having a pay per view match in the cool down spot. That isn’t exactly thrilling and I was hoping that they would get on with it already.

Post match Masters knocks Carlito out with the Masterlock.

We recap Umaga vs. John Cena for the Raw World Title. Umaga is an undefeated monster so he is getting a title shot. Before we get there, Umaga beat Cena up a few times but Cena isn’t backing down.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Umaga is challenging and has Armando Alejandro Estrada in his corner. We’re ready to go after the Big Match Intros with Cena sticking and moving to start. A missed charge to the floor does a bit more damage but Cena goes after him again and gets tossed outside. Back in and Cena gets up an elbow and boot in the corner, earning himself a hard clothesline. Cena hammers away with right hands but gets taken down with a Samoan drop.

Umaga knocks him face first into the announcers’ table and then the barricade for a bonus. Back in and Cena can’t sunset flip or slam him, with Umaga falling on top for two on the latter. A legdrop gets two but Umaga misses a charge, allowing Cena to go up. The high crossbody is countered into the swinging release Rock Bottom for two as Umaga keeps the pace slow. Umaga sits down on Cena’s chest as JR compares him to Yokozuna. Another cannonball lands on raised knees but Umaga sends him outside without much effort.

The nerve holds keeps Cena in trouble and an elbow to the face drops him again. The middle rope Samoan Spike only hits mat though and Cena wins the slugout. Cena sends him head first into the post and the ProtoBomb drops Umaga again. Umaga is back with the belly to belly and hangs Cena in the Tree of Woe for the flying headbutt. The running Umaga Attack hits boots though and Cena grabs a rollup out of nowhere to retain the title.

Rating: B-. I really liked the finish here as it felt like the most out of nowhere finish they could have had. That’s also the smartest finish they could have had, as it would have been a bit waste to have Umaga go down to the FU. Umaga completely dominated here but got caught instead of getting beaten. That’s a perfect way to set up a rematch and I’d be down for another one. What they did worked well, even if it wasn’t a great match on the way there.

Post match Cena celebrates as Umaga breaks a lot of stuff to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The two major matches helped a lot but this was one of the most lifeless shows that I have seen in a very long time. It just wasn’t a very entertaining show with most of the matches being more boring than bad. There wasn’t much on here that felt pay per view worthy and while the two big matches worked, they didn’t work enough to make up for the rest of the show.

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Monday Night Raw – January 1, 2007: It’s Coming

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 1, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,169
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first show of the year, along with being the go home show for New Year’s Revolution. That means things are going to pick up in a hurry, so we’ll start with….the Kevin Federline match. The best thing we can hope for here is that it is over in a hurry so we can move on to anything else, as the fifteen minutes have to be long past up. Let’s get to it.

Here are the most recent results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of John Cena vs. Kevin Federline. He has been a good celebrity but egads it feels bottom of the barrel.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Kevin Federline

Non-title and they aren’t wasting time with this one. Federline comes out in a boxing robe and announces that Jonathan Coachman has made this No DQ. Therefore, here is Johnny Nitro to be in Federline’s corner, which does make sense. Nitro gives Federline his mouthpiece but hang on again as Federline has to put on his gloves. Hang on again as Federline needs some headgear and NOW we’re ready to go.

Federline’s headlock is broken as quickly as you would expect so there go the gloves. Hang on again though as Federline has an idea: let’s make this a Masterlock Challenge! Cena has a seat in the chair but Federline changes his mind. Instead it’s a test of strength….with Federline pulling him into a cross armbreaker of all things. That’s countered into a powerbomb but Nitro comes in, allowing Federline to hit a low blow. Cue Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada to beat Cena down, including a belt shot, to give Federline the cocky pin.

Rating: C. Yeah this was completely fine and nothing unexpected. Federline did a bunch of the classic hits here and that is all it needed to be. This was MUCH better than having Federline try to work a match and it added some heat to Sunday’s title match. There was no need to try anything more complicated and this could have been much, much worse.

Post break, Maria tries to talk to Federline but Melina isn’t having any of that. Melina isn’t having any of that because Maria called him K-Fed. Instead they can have a match later, but Melina gives her a slap for a preview.

DX talks strategy in the back, I’m guessing for a chess tournament.

We go to Kevin Federline’s celebration, complete with Johnny Nitro, Melina and a bunch of women. Coach comes in to make a four on one handicap match with John Cena facing Armando Alejandro Estrada, Umaga, Nitro and….Coach himself. Of note: Coach reminds us that Nitro has an Intercontinental Title shot at the pay per view, which has been mostly forgotten since the match was announced.

Some members of the Miami Heat, including Shaquille O’Neal, are here.

Cryme Tyme/Highlanders vs. Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cryme Tyme says hi to Shaq during the entrances. Cade charges into Rory’s elbow in the corner to start so JTG comes in to dance around a bit. That earns him a kick to the ribs and Haas comes in for a butterfly suplex. Benjamin and Murdoch don’t seem to be on the same page so Cade drops a leg instead. A missed middle rope elbow gives JTG a breather and the hot tag brings in Shad to slug away. Shad’s belly to back suplex gets two and everything breaks down. A jawbreaker sends Murdoch into the ropes with JTG snapping the back of his neck over the top for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but Cryme Tyme getting another pin is a good idea. Above all else, the tag team division needs some fresh teams and Cryme Tyme has been built up rather well. The rest of the teams are just kind of there, though Haas and Benjamin should take all of eighteen seconds to reheat if needed.

Wrestlemania Recall: the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling.

Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Conway

Non-title. Before the match, Conway says that he is sick of losing around here and if he loses again, he’s done with Raw. Conway then loses in about 20 seconds to a sunset flip in his last televised match in WWE.

Post match Conway is still in the ring and here is Vince McMahon for a chat. Vince talks about how many people break their New Year’s resolution, just like Conway already did. He isn’t breaking his though, which includes not being nice and letting people take advantage of him. That means he isn’t going to be like his good friend Donald Trump, who is having trouble with Rosie O’Donnell, who he refers to as Yokozuna. Speaking of Trump, Vince doesn’t like him stealing his catchphrase, so Conway is FIRED.

Kenny Dykstra says Ric Flair offering a handshake wasn’t about Flair, but about himself. They say deaths come in threes, but tonight he’s going to make it four: James Brown, Gerald Ford, Saddaam Hussein and Ric Flair’s career.

We look at Rated-RKO attacking Ric Flair a few weeks ago, leading to DX wanting revenge. Then Rated-RKO destroyed DX on the last Raw of the year.

Here is DX for a chat and they seem rather chipper despite being taken out two weeks ago. Shawn says he can’t pretend what he just saw didn’t happen but they are out of competition. They have beaten a bunch of people who are either gone or jerking the curtain somewhere else. Now they have Rated-RKO show up and finally you have two guys who have a set. Then they took out Ric Flair and beat him within an inch of his life. They one upped themselves by laying out DX, which is someone no one has ever done before.

That’s why the violence is coming at New Year’s Revolution. HHH says Rated-RKO thinks they have them in the palm of their hands, but remember when Vince McMahon thought that? It’s because DX is like…..Frosted Mini Wheats? They have two sides: the sweet and sugary side (Shawn: “I like the sugary side!”) and the other side, who is going to make Rated-RKO bleed. This was some weird mix of goofy and serious and it only kind of worked.

Melina vs. Maria

Melina is in workout gear for some reason and Victoria comes out for commentary. Maria knocks her into the corner to start and hammers away as the catfight is on. Victoria rants on the lack of spots because of people like Mickie James as Melina snaps Maria’s neck across the top. Maria gets a boot up in the corner and hammers away as Victoria wants her to just go back to the beach already. A rollup goes badly for Melina so she stacks Maria up (with nothing in between) for the pin.

Post match Victoria goes after Lilian Garcia but Mickie James runs out for the save.

Video on Tribute to the Troops, set to a Goo Goo Dolls song.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Kenny Dykstra/Chris Masters

Torrie Wilson is here with the good ones. JR: “Now Kenny has a last name. And a hometown!” Masters tags Kenny in rather than facing Carlito (the hair is frightening) but comes in after Kenny takes him down. It’s quickly off to Flair for a chop block to Masters but Kenny breaks up the Figure Four in a hurry. We take a break and come back with Masters taking Carlito into the corner and Kenny grabbing the chinlock. It’s back to Masters for some chops in the corner and a chinlock of his own.

There’s a gorilla press for two but Carlito is back up with a springboard elbow to the face. Kenny is smart enough to go outside and knock Flair off the apron, leaving Carlito to get Masterlocked. Flair comes back in for the save as everything breaks down. The hot tag brings Flair back in to chop away but Masters clotheslines him down. Carlito and Masters fight to the floor as Kenny sends Flair into the buckle and grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: C-. Pretty basic match here, though the ending didn’t exactly do much for anyone. Above all else, it continues the Kenny push and it is only working so well. The fact that JR is mocking him for getting a last name and a hometown should tell you everything there is to know about his development. Kenny needed to go away for a long time to get rid of the Spirit Squad aura, but this isn’t a complete disaster yet.

Post match Flair says this isn’t over but here is Rated-RKO to take Flair out, including another Conchairto. I’m guessing DX stepped out for stroganoff. Flair is checked on, and after a break, he is still being checked on.

New Year’s Revolution rundown, including Kenny vs. Flair and Carlito vs. Masters.

Here’s Kevin Federline to say he told us so. He shocked the world earlier and it was so fun that he is going to have a seat at ringside. John Cena can’t see him.

John Cena vs. Armando Alejandro Estrada/Umaga/Jonathan Coachman/Johnny Nitro

Kevin Federline is on commentary. Cena charges in to slug it out with Umaga and low bridges the monster to the floor. Nitro comes in to hammer away but gets release fisherman’s suplexed. Umaga is back in for a Samoan drop and Coach gets in a few shots. That triggers the comeback so Cena cleans house, including getting Umaga in the STFU. Estrada brings in a chair but Cena takes it away and hits Umaga in the head for the DQ.

Post match Cena cleans house and grabs Federline for the FU. A lot of posing and staring ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not much of a show here, but it felt like they were scrambling to get through the show while also focusing on the Federline stuff (which went shockingly well). New Year’s Revolution feels like something that is just there too, with stuff like the Intercontinental Title match barely being mentioned. Cena vs. Umaga and DX vs. Rated-RKO should be enough to carry the show, but it wasn’t exactly a great commercial for the pay per view.

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Monday Night Raw – December 18, 2006: George Bush Is Here

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 18, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 11,324
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the last regular(ish) Raw of the year as next week is a trip to Iraq for Tribute to the Troops. This week is another big one though as we have a special three hour edition. The opening match will be a thirty man battle royal for a shot at John Cena’s WWE Title later in the night, so they’re going pretty hard with this one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Battle Royal

Shawn Michaels, Jerry Lawler, Rory, Robbie, Edge, Val Venis, JTG, Shad Gaspard, Viscera, Jim Duggan, Carlito, Snitsky, Ric Flair, Randy Orton, Chris Masters, Sgt. Slaughter, HHH, Jeff Hardy, Johnny Nitro, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Ron Simmons, Shelton Benjamin, Brooklyn Brawler, Super Crazy, Charlie Haas, Eugene, Kenny, Johnny, Rob Conway

The brawl is on in a hurry and egads I’m going to have a hard time figuring out who all is in this. Edge chills on the floor to start (as you would expect) and it’s a huge brawl otherwise. Carlito chases Masters outside and gets speared down by Edge, who throws him inside so Masters can get the elimination. Duggan gets rid of the Brawler and Shelton has to hang on with his feet dangling over the floor.

Duggan is put out and Slaughter is tossed as well to clear the ring out a bit. Flair can’t toss Orton as Edge has gotten in and has to save himself from a HHH elimination attempt. The brawling continues as we have gone a good while now without an elimination. HHH facebusters Viscera though and DX gets rid of him as we take a break. Back with JTG saving himself, though Johnny and Venis aren’t so lucky as Simmons gets rid of them.

Cryme Tyme gets rid of Simmons as well, which does not seem to please him. He even grabs the mic and says the catchphrase. JTG is out (with JR calling him Shad) as the Highlanders seem to have been put out during the break. Shad is tossed as well, followed by Haas and Benjamin. There goes Lawler and Super Crazy eliminates both himself and Hardy (in a bit of an upset).

The ring has been cleared out a lot and HHH DDTs Snitsky to put him down (though not out). DX uses the hard camera to distract Eugene and get rid of him, with Snitsky and Murdoch following him. A bunch of people get together to get rid of Johnny and Flair, leaving us with HHH, Shawn, Cade, Nitro, Masters, Edge and Orton. DX stares everyone else down and we take a break.

Back with DX getting beaten down by two different sets of villains. HHH fights back and clotheslines Masters out but the other four get rid of HHH, leaving Shawn, Cade, Nitro, Edge and Orton. Shawn starts fast and throws Nitro out, setting up the flying forearm to Edge. Atomic drops slow down Cade and Orton and the latter gets hit with the top rope elbow. The non-eliminated Edge chills on the floor as Shawn gets knocked down again, only to have Orton toss out Cade. Back up and Shawn tosses out Orton but Edge sneaks up on the apron and pulls him out for the win and the title shot.

Rating: C. These things are always hard to rate but the long stretch near the beginning with so few eliminations hurt it a bit. Edge vs. Cena will be fine as a main event as they can have a fine match without saying a word to each other and the ending had some drama to make things work better. That being said, the “hey he’s not out” ending needs to be erased from any and all history. The rest of the match was a battle royal, so you should know what you’re getting out of it.

Vince McMahon invites us to watch Tribute To The Troops next week. I’d come for the Creed songs.

Edge is ready to win and tells Randy Orton that he is looking for bigger goals. Like the WWE Title.

We look at Chris Masters Masterlocking Torrie Wilson last week until Carlito made the save.

A scared Maria talks to Chris Masters about what happened last week. Masters threatens to put her in the Masterlock and is ready to beat Carlito tonight.

We look at Joey Mercury’s nose being destroyed last night.

We meet Russian mixed martial artist Vladimir Kozlov, who is glad to be in America and would love to wrestle one day. Russian is spoken and booing is heard. Granted that might be for Todd Grisham calling him Victor.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Or maybe not as Carlito jumps Masters and the fight is on before the bell. Carlito gets sent into a cameraman and is busted open hardway but manages to chase Masters into the crowd and away anyway.

Johnny Nitro/Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin vs. Hardys

Shelton mocks Matt for being banged up after last night’s ladder match before grabbing him with a waistlock. An armbar on the left arm has Matt in more trouble but he’s able to get over to Jeff for the tag anyway. A belly to back suplex takes Jeff down and Haas gets to stomp away. Nitro hammers on the back and knocks Jeff into the other corner to punch him in the face (as you do in wrestling).

The yet to be named Sling Blade gets Jeff out of trouble though and Matt comes in to take over on Haas. Poetry In Motion connects as everything breaks down. The Hardys clean house and Jeff dives onto Haas and Benjamin, leaving Matt to moonsault onto everyone. Back from a break with Shelton working on Jeff’s leg, which means it’s time for the villains to take turns on it.

Nitro hangs it over the rope and hits the slingshot dive onto said leg, meaning Melina can get in a shot of her own. Back in and Shelton pulls on the leg again but Jeff flips up and manages a mule kick for the hot tag Matt. Everything breaks down and a shot to the bad leg sends Jeff outside. Matt gets his neck snapped across the top rope though and Shelton grabs a rollup with tights for the cheating pin.

Rating: C+. This took its time but it told a nice story with the leg keeping Jeff down throughout. That’s all you need for something like this most of the time and it possibly sets up Haas/Benjamin vs. the Hardys in the near future. I’m not sure what to think of the idea of multiple top level tag teams in WWE at this point, but a match at New Year’s Revolution could work out rather well.

Post match the Hardys take quite the beatdown to leave them laying again.

Armando Alejandro Estrada doesn’t care if Umaga faces Edge or John Cena at New Year’s Revolution, but they want it to be Cena for some revenge.

Kevin Federline is here and tells Melina and Johnny Nitro that he has something he has to do.

Quick trailer for Rocky Balboa.

And now, Jerry Lawler interviews Sylvester Stallone about Rocky Balboa. Stallone says the series is done after this because he wants to wrap it up on a high note. He thinks a wrestling reality show (like his Contender boxing series) could work because he remembers the boxing vs. wrestling scene in Rocky III. Hogan would beat Rocky Balboa too and Kevin Federline has a death wish to fight John Cena on Raw. Stallone actually talked like a person here instead of a celebrity who wanted to promote something.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

That wold be the same Kenny from the Spirit Squad. They grapple around to start before going outside, where Kenny grabs a suplex. Back in and another suplex gets two, followed by the chinlock. Kenny rains down right hands in the corner until an atomic drop cuts him off. Flair goes up top and, of course, gets caught, allowing Kenny to miss the top rope legdrop. Kenny’s running knee in the corner hits corner but he’s fine enough to grab a sunset flip for the completely clean pin.

Rating: C-. Naming Kenny after a baseball player (Lenny Dykstra) isn’t exactly the best way to make him into a star but giving him a pin over Flair could help a bit. They’re trying something with him after the Spirit Squad and Kenny was presented as the only one of them worth anything, but they really can’t just let him be Ken Doane? It sounds better than what they went with, which is going to be another problem for him.

Post match Flair offers a handshake but Kenny walks away.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena is defending and grabs a headlock to start as we go with one of the classics. That’s broken up with a toss to the floor and Cena goes face first into the steps. Back in and Edge grabs a neckbreaker over the ropes for two. The neck crank goes on but Cena fights up for a double clothesline. We take a break and come back with Cena fighting out of a sleeper on the mat. That earns him a headbutt into a reverse cross armbreaker (that’s a new one) but Cena powers out again.

Cena has to power out of a cravate as well and this time he hits a running Blockbuster to get a real breather. The comeback is on with the flying shoulders into a ProtoBomb but the Shuffle misses for a change. Edge hits the spear for two with Cena having to grab the rope for the save.

With nothing on the mat working, Edge puts him on top but gets shoved down, allowing Cena to hit the top rope Fameasser (which Lawler implies is making its debut) for two. The FU is countered but the counter is countered into a reverse DDT to give Cena two more. The ref is bumped as another FU is countered so here’s Randy Orton for the RKO to Cena. Cue DX to take care of Rated-RKO though, including the Pedigree to Edge. Cena wakes up and retains the title.

Rating: B. The ending was a fine way to get out of the match without either of them taking a fall or of course changing the title. It is always nice to see a pay per view match get some extra build like this and they did that rather well with the finish. This was a good TV match on a big show, which shouldn’t be shocking given who was in there.

Later tonight: Edge/DX vs. Rated-RKO/Umaga. Dang Edge better get a big bonus for this show.

Here is Cryme Tyme for a chat. They don’t like what Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas have been saying about them so it’s time to set the record straight. So here’s George W. Bush, or at least someone bearing a passable resemblance, flanked by the best developmental/local indy wrestlers portraying Secret Service agents available. Bush talks about how Cryme Tyme are his friends, because that rapper Kanye West is wrong about him hating black people.

How can he hate black people when he is friends with Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice (Bush: “There’s one hot little black b****!”) are friends? Then there is George Jefferson, who wrote the Declaration of Independence! Bush: “He’s my ni….” Shad: “WHOA WHOA WHOA! Secret Service or not, you’ll get your a** beat right here.” Bush doesn’t like Haas and Benjamin and that’s it. Well after Bush dances to Cryme Tyme’s music….and finds out they stole his wallet. Bush leaves but flips off the crowd on the way out. This was even worse than it seems if you can wrap your head around that.

Victoria vs. Mickie James

Non-title, as the title match is announced for New Year’s Revolution. Victoria kicks her in the face and puts her on top, meaning it’s a superplex right back down. Mickie is right back with a victory roll for two so Victoria sends her face first into the buckle to knock her silly again. That doesn’t last long either as Mickie hits a running clothesline and elbow to the face (as opposed to doing the same thing over and over, which gets really old) but the MickieDT is countered into a drape over the top rope. A kick to the face sets up the Widow’s Peak to give Victoria the pin.

Rating: D+. Not much time to use here and it’s annoying to have the champ lose to set up a title match. Losing to Victoria is hardly some big upset, but she won clean here. I’m not a fan of letting a champ lose like this but it is a common trope for WWE and that has been a problem for a long time.

Post match, Victoria checks Mickie’s name off the list. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt her.

Jim Ross is in the ring and talks about how so many comedians have used Kevin Federline as a punchline. Some people say he is just misunderstood though, so here is Federline himself to address the world. Federline says there is no K Fed, because that is a personality the media invented. The real Kevin Federline takes pride in overcoming the odds and shocking the world. That’s what he is going to do against Cena on January 1 because 2007 is a new year. He wants some and he’s going to get some. That match can’t get here soon enough so we can be done with this goon.

New Year’s Revolution rundown.

We recap Edge’s long night.

Rated-RKO/Umaga vs. John Cena/D-Generation X

Cena and Orton start things off with the former hitting a release fisherman’s suplex for an early two. Shawn comes in to punch Orton and then does the same thing to Edge. Umaga comes in with a clothesline and then stomps away at Shawn (with some bonus yelling). Edge tags himself back in and Estrada has to stop Umaga from eating him. A suplex drops Edge to give Shawn a breather and sets up the falling tag to bring in HHH.

Umaga comes in as well though and a series of clotheslines finally manage to put him down. Everything breaks down and the Samoan Spike takes HHH down. Cena gets hit in the throat (sans spike) but is right back up with a HARD running shoulder to put Umaga on the floor. The two of them brawl to the back and Cena throws Umaga through part of the stage. That leaves HHH to be sent into the steps and a heck of a chair shots knocks him over the barricade for the DQ.

Rating: C+. I can always go for a main event six man tag and this one worked out rather well. There is something fun about combining two feuds into one as you can have some combinations to keep things fresh and also set up the major matches themselves. Good stuff here, with the ending being a fine way to make Rated-RKO look like threats.

Post match it’s a double RKO onto a chair to knock Shawn out, setting up the Conchairto on the announcers’ table to HHH. Orton adds another one to the very bloody HHH but referees save Shawn (also bleeding) from the same fate inside. Everyone is scared as DX is shaking to end the show (and the year for all intents and purpose).

Overall Rating: C+. They made this feel like a special show and then as usual, the year ends on a big note. I had fun with this and it didn’t feel like it was three hours, though I doubt Edge feels the same way. New Year’s Revolution is looking good so far and they should be fine after losing next week. Granted the Federline stuff was annoying, but one or two bad things in a three hour show isn’t bad.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Monday Night Raw – December 4, 2006: Cena Does Psychology

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 4, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially on the way to New Year’s Revolution, which should be its usual riveting self. Odds are we’ll be seeing John Cena vs. Umaga for the title at that show, but first Cena is heading over the Smackdown to guest star in the Armageddon main event. Throw in Ric Flair being attacked (again) and DX has another reason to want to fight Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of DX getting rid of the Spirit Squad last week with the help of Rick Flair, followed by Rated-RKO destroying Flair later in the night.

Opening sequence.

Here is John Cena to get things going. Cena talks about how sometimes you are not going to be the biggest or the strongest, but last week he marched to the ring to accept a challenge from an undefeated monster. Last week Umaga said something to him (with Cena mocking what he calls gibberish), which Cena thinks was Umaga promising to stand there and stare while letting his manager do everything else.

Cena has a message for Armando Alejandro Estrada: he’s ready to fight right now, and if Umaga isn’t, he’s full of Samoan….and here’s Melina to interrupt. Cena: “Umaga, you look very, very different.” Melina says she isn’t feeling very good tonight but she wanted to remind Cena of his match with Kevin Federline on January 1. Federline is being trained by Johnny Nitro and is Melina’s friend. Cena: “Boys and girls, that is the reason right there you have to practice safe sex.” Cena laughs at the idea of Nitro telling Federline to be a man and wonders if Melina is responsible for Brittney Spears being….well what she is right now.

Melina slaps him so Cena loads up the FU but Chris Masters runs in for the save. Cue Coach to say he sent Masters out here to teach Cena a lesson. Cena: “HE DID SUCH A GREAT JOB!” Coach says we’ll save Cena vs. Umaga for New Year’s Revolution because tonight, Cena is taking the Masterlock Challenge. If Masters wins tonight, he gets……and Cena cuts him off, mocking the boring plan for Masters getting a shot next week. That’s cool with Coach, so let’s have the Masterlock Challenge for the title TONIGHT.

The former Spirit Squad’s Kenny, in regular clothes, comes in to see Rated-RKO. He says the Spirit Squad is dead so he wants to be on their side against DX. Kenny points out that they have security waiting down the hall, but Edge asks why Kenny thinks they’re in their league. Unlike the Spirit Squad, who was put in a crate and shipped off last week, they’ve actually beaten DX.

Lilian Garcia announces that Roddy Piper has undergone surgery for Hodgkin’s lymphoma but he promises to be back fighting soon.

Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The Highlanders are in Piper shirts. Rory ducks a double clothesline to start and it’s a flapjack to Murdoch. Cade gets sent into Murdoch to knock him outside and the Highlanders clear the ring in a hurry. A cheap shot from behind lets Murdoch nail a big boot to put Rory down, leaving Cade to rip open the Piper shirt. Rory gets slapped in the face but Murdoch dives into the raised boot. It’s off to Robbie as everything breaks down until Robbie grabs an O’Connor roll to pin Cade.

Rating: D+. Another short match here, though I was getting worried that they would have the Highlanders lose in their Piper tribute match. Thankfully WWE actually thought it through for a change here and that is a bit of a relief. Neither team is going anywhere at the moment and the Highlanders aren’t going to be a challenge to Rated-RKO but at least they had a one off win here.

Video on Kevin Federline vs. John Cena, which is still certainly a thing.

Victoria vs. Maria

Victoria has a hit list, containing Candice Michelle (check), Maria, Torrie Wilson and Mickie James. Victoria kicks her down to start and finishes with the fireman’s carry spun into the side slam for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Victoria checks Maria off the list and goes after her again. Cue Mickie James for the save but Victoria kicks her in the head and hits the Widow’s Peak to leave her laying.

Earlier today, Cryme Tyme went to a retirement community and sang a holiday medley (Reggie the Red-Faced Crackhead, their version of Silent Night (pimps are mentioned) and Give Us Gold (to the tune of Let It Snow)). Then they try to steal a woman named Mrs. Johnson, but the guy in charge (as played by Kerwin Silfies) says not so fast. Johnson threatens to bust a cap in him.

Jim Duggan and Super Crazy thought that was funny but Shelton Benjamin isn’t impressed. Shelton doesn’t like the reinforcement of stereotypes and that set back race relations 20 years. Super Crazy’s lack of a grasp of English sets up a match next. Shelton says that Crazy can go back to selling fruit after he loses, so Crazy swears at him.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy

Before the match, Shelton complains about the racial stereotypes again and promises to send Crazy back to Mexico with a Spanish to English dictionary. Crazy snaps off a headscissors to start but Shelton kicks him in the face. Back up and Crazy avoids the Stinger Splash but misses the moonsault (Locomotion according to JR for a great line). Shelton grabs the exploder for the pin.

Post match here’s Charlie Haas to celebrate with Shelton, who looks rather confused.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Masters

Cena is defending but it’s a Masterlock Challenge instead of a title match. They take their time getting started and Masters gets the hold on so the flailing can begin. Then Cena accidentally crushes the referee in the corner and reverses into one of his own to make Masters tap. Did he even need to tap?

Post challenge, here is Umaga for the brawl and they fight outside and then back inside until security finally keeps them apart. Hot brawl here.

Post break, here’s what you saw pre break.

Viscera hits on Torrie Wilson, who says she should drop Carlito for him. Carlito cuts off the offer of oils and spits the apple in his face, drawing in Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

DX insists that Ric Flair will be back because what Rated-RKO did last week was unacceptable. They knew what Flair meant to DX because Flair is their personal friend. Rated-RKO took Flair out because they can’t take DX out, so now it is time for them to suffer worse than Flair ever did. HHH didn’t say anything here. It’s a good angle, but I’m trying hard to make myself care about Flair being attacked again.

This Week In Wrestling History: Chris Jericho beats the Rock and Steve Austin in one night to become Undisputed Champion. Oddly enough, not on Peacock.

Carlito vs. Viscera

Torrie is here too as Viscera shoves Carlito down to start. Viscera hammers away to start and adds a running clothesline to break up a springboard. Back up and another springboard is swatted out of the air, only to have Viscera miss a legdrop. Carlito gets knocked down again so Viscera loads up the Visagra. Torrie grabs his lead and, while trying to hold back her broken up, crawls into the corner. That’s enough of a distraction for Carlito to hit a missile dropkick (or close enough as the camera cuts can’t hide how little of it connects), followed by a Lionsault (with the leg barely grazing Viscera’s face) for the pin.

Rating: F. The problem with Viscera continues to be that there is so little that can be done with him. Carlito isn’t the one you pick to put in there with him to make something work either, and the match was pretty much a disaster as a result. It doesn’t help that it was designed to move Carlito and Torrie forward, which shouldn’t need that much effort in the first place.

Post match Torrie kisses Carlito and stays close to him due to the clothes issue (which Lawler LOVES).

Kane is still in See No Evil.

Armando Alejandro Estrada tells Cena that he (Cena) and Umaga can’t touch each other for the rest of the year. Cena grabs him by the neck as Coach comes in and says Alejandro has been talking about how he runs Raw and Coach is nothing. That is too much for Coach (even if Estrada didn’t say any of it) so he makes Cena vs. Estrada next week.

Val Venis is here with the Kiss Cam and brings two girls into the ring for the final kiss of the night. Their first kiss is a peck so the fans boo, followed by a more well received version. Cue Eugene to say he wants a kiss, though he gets a bit too aggressive in his attempts. Val gets taken down for trying to break it up, with Eugene shouting I’M SPECIAL over and over.

DX/Hardys vs. Rated-RKO/MNM

It’s a brawl to start with the villains being sent outside so HHH sends Orton onto the announcers’ table a few times. Back in and HHH chokes Orton in the corner, setting up the tag to Shawn for the chops. HHH comes back in for the right hands, including a big one to the legal Nitro. It’s off to Matt to hammer away on Nitro, followed by Jeff coming in with a top rope ax handle. Nitro gets knocked down in the corner as the fans are all over Edge.

Back from a break with Orton coming in to hammer on Jeff, followed by MNM catapulting him throat first into the rope. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop lets Edge come in for the chinlock, setting up Orton’s knee drop for two. Jeff fights up and, despite slipping, hits the Whisper in the Wind to take out MNM. Everything breaks down and it’s a triple dive from Shawn and the Hardys. The spinebuster hits Orton but here is Kenny with a chair to Shawn’s head. HHH takes Kenny into the crowd, leaving Edge to spear Matt for the pin.

Rating: C+. They flew through this but it did what it was supposed to do by getting everyone in there at once. Kenny at least did something, though he does not exactly scream being the next big thing. It was a fine way out of something like though, as DX isn’t going to do a job in a fairly meaningless eight man tag.

Post match Kenny gets superkicked into the Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a bit but another Ric Flair Is Broken story and some rather awful/worthless matches in the middle of the show hurt it a lot. Cena vs. Umaga has a lot of potential though and that should be enough to carry us through the next pay per view. We are already at the point where you can guess the pay per card, but there are enough issues to possible result in one final shakeup.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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New Column: May The Fourths Be With You

Star Wars puns and four mini stories on top of that. What more could you need?

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/kbs-review-may-fourths/

Monday Night Raw – November 27, 2006: The Long Winter Begins

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 27, 2006
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Survivor Series and we’ll close out November on Raw with this one. There weren’t many changes coming out of last night for the red show as the good guys dominated the elimination tags. The most significant change might be Mickie James defeating the retiring Lita to win the Women’s Title. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s result if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Ric Flair to get things going (with JR saying he went 2-0 last night, which I don’t quite get). Flair talks about how he shouldn’t be out here, as even though he won, he got beaten up by a bunch of male cheerleaders. This is ending tonight, so Flair has challenged the Spirit Squad to come face him right now, because he has partners with him. Before we find out who they might be, here is the Spirit Squad to call him the Nature Toy and mock Flair’s robe. Well in theory at least as they spent a good bit of the cheer adjusting the microphone. Cue Flair’s partners and we have a handicap match.

D-Generation X/Ric Flair vs. Spirit Squad

Before the match, HHH says he’s not ready because he’s sick of the Spirit Squad. If the Squad loses tonight, HHH promises that they’re gone. The Squad is cleared out to start so HHH stomps on Mikey in the corner, setting up a running clothesline. Flair comes in for the backdrop and, after very little from Shawn, it’s back to Flair for a shoulder. Kenny gets in a cheap shot from the apron and everything breaks down to far less of a reaction than you might have expected.

The Squad is cleared out again and Shawn adds the flip dive to take them down again. A triple strut takes us to a break and we come back with Shawn belly to back suplexing Johnny but Nicky comes in to cut off a tag attempt. Kenny slams Shawn and hits some clotheslines before talking a lot of trash. Mitch’s suplex gives Kenny two but Mikey’s splash off of Kenny’s shoulders from the middle rope only hits mat. HHH comes in and starts cleaning house as everything breaks down. Triple Figure Fours finish the Squad off.

Rating: D+. This is about as fitting of a loss as you could have had for the Squad as they were dismantled with DX and Flair never even breaking a serious sweat. The team has been little more than a bunch of goons since their debut, even including their Tag Team Title reign. Not a terrible match, but it was the same beatdown of the team that we’ve seen time after time.

The Hardys are back together tonight and getting a Tag Team Title shot against Rated-RKO so here are some home movies of them wrestling as kids.

During a break, HHH grabbed the sledgehammer and chased the Spirit Squad to the back.

Post break, DX throws most of the Spirit Squad into a crate and slapped a “DESTINATION: OVW, LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY” on the side. They’re also shipping it OPS because the other guys are too expensive. Just make sure it gets there in the next 3-4 weeks and there is no point in insuring it because the content isn’t worth a thing. Shawn signs for the delivery as Mr. McMahon.

Mock tears are shed, though I mainly feel bad for the Squad. They put in the effort and became stars in OVW but they were saddled with this dead end gimmick. That’s on the company/creative instead of the wrestlers, but other than Nicky, none of them were ever able to become stars on their own. It’s also why Jim Cornette didn’t forgive WWE for how they treated OVW for several years and in this case, I can’t blame him. Why bother with developmental if this is what you’re going to do with them?

The Hardys have issued an open challenge for December To Dismember so MNM has reunited and accepted. That could be good, though it is only the second match set for the card.

Battle Royal

Victoria, Maria, Melina, Candice Michelle, Torrie Wilson

The winner gets a shot at Mickie James, on commentary. Most of them get their own entrance and Mickie is almost stunned at how close Melina is at falling out of her top. We start with the awkward brawling until Victoria clotheslines Torrie and Candice down. Mickie talks about how she would love to face any of them as Victoria turns on Melina and tosses her out. As Lawler talks about how he would like to have Maria’s legs wrapped around him, Victoria dumps Torrie and then Maria. Victoria survives a Candice elimination attempt and then knees her hard in the face for the win and the title shot. This was Victoria dominating throughout.

Post match we get the staredown so Victoria gives Candice a Widow’s Peak for the proverbial message.

We see the Hardys’ debut on the September 27, 1998 Sunday Night Heat. That’s not exactly their debut in the company, but it was their first match where they were treated as a team that mattered.

Eugene vs. Jim Duggan

JR and King reference a recap before the match that is nowhere to be seen. Eugene hides behind the referee and then slaps Duggan in the face, earning himself some right hands. Duggan returns the slap and starts the USA chant so Eugene bails to the floor. That makes Duggan reach out for him and gets sent head first into the post for his efforts. A neckbreaker gives Eugene the pin.

Post match Eugene demands that we don’t make fun of him because he’s special. Egads this is going to be a rough one.

DX comes up to Dusty Rhodes and Arn Anderson in the back. Dusty knows they don’t respect anyone but what they did for Flair was cool. Shawn says there is a big party planned for Flair tonight, complete with ginger ale, soda, chips, dip and, as a surprise, A KARAOKE MACHINE! DX leaves but HHH comes back to promise the two of them “booze and broads”. Ron Simmons comes in and they’re off to the party.

This Week In Wrestling History: the Test and Stephanie McMahon wedding, which really was kind of awesome. Completely insane and doesn’t quite make sense, but awesome.

Here is Edge for the Cutting Edge. He congratulates DX on beating the Spirit Squad for the millionth time, but it pales in comparison to the amount of times he has beaten up the Hardy Boyz. Tonight he’s doing it again and dedicating it to Lita, the greatest Women’s Champion of all time. For now though, let’s bring out his special guest….and no one is here.

Edge complains a lot so here is Randy Orton next to the stage. He wants Edge to come up here and confirm the guest so Edge heads up to the stage….and drags out a very bloody Ric Flair. Edge says DX should be here making a save but they’re too scared to do anything. Therefore, here’s a pair of Conchairtos to destroy Flair again. There is a long DVD set of times where Flair was taken out just like this.

Kane does things in See No Evil, on DVD this week.

Flair was taken out on a stretcher during the break.

Jerry Lawler vs. Chris Masters

Can’t grieve over Flair for…well about five minutes I guess. Masters takes him down to start as we get what sounds like a chant about being off steroids. A bearhug has Lawler in trouble so he bites the nose to escape. There’s a dropkick into three straight middle rope fist drops (and you thought Flair had it rough). Somehow Masters survives and drops Lawler with a right hand, setting up a suplex. Lawler is back up with the jabs to the face but the Masterlock goes on. Cue Carlito though and the apple being spat in the eyes lets Lawler grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. I’m not sure where to start here, which is not something I would have bet on after a four minute Lawler vs. Masters match. So not only does Lawler survive in the Masterlock without a minute (and doesn’t even go off his feet) but the referee just sits there while Carlito spits apple in Masters’ face? This was a total mess and that shouldn’t be the case in such a simple match.

More Classic Hardys: the first ladder match against Edge and Christian. Yeah that qualifies.

Here are Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada for a chat. We see a clip of Umaga’s dominate at Survivor Series, followed by Estrada talking about everyone Umaga has beaten. Therefore, it is time for Umaga to become the new WWE Champion. Estrada puts John Cena on notice so here is Cena in person. The challenge is accepted and the long form staredown is on until Umaga bails.

JR and King show us a clip parodying the Michael Richards stand up incident (Richards was doing a comedy set and went into a crazed racist rant, shouting a variety of N words). Then Cryme Tyme shows up and steals his wallet and does their own joke. This was even dumber than it sounds.

Edge comes up to Jeff Hardy to tell him how much Matt Hardy is dragging him down. Jeff says the only thing that is going to be dragging him down is all the gold. Randy Orton and Matt come up for the staredown.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Rated-RKO

Rated-RKO is defending. Matt works on Orton’s arm to start before handing it off to Jeff. That works better with Orton, who forearms him in the back and brings in Edge. Stomping ensues but a double backdrop is countered into a double DDT. The hot tag brings in Matt but Orton catches him on top. Matt knocks him down but misses the moonsault, allowing Edge to hit the spear for two as we take a break.

Back with Edge holding a rear naked choke, followed by a flapjack for another near fall. Matt slugs his way to near freedom until a drop toehold pulls him down. Orton drops a knee and we hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors. Matt knocks Edge down again but Orton cuts off another tag attempt.

A belly to back suplex doesn’t work though as Matt flips out and dives over for the hot tag to Jeff. Everything breaks down and a Whisper in the Wind sets up a double Side Effect for two on Orton. The Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton but Edge comes in with the belt for the lame DQ.

Rating: C+. The ending hurt it a good bit but what we got worked out well enough. The Hardys vs. Edge/anyone feels like an important match and it helps that both teams can do their thing rather well. We got a good match here and while I could have gone for a better ending, they didn’t have much of a choice here as you don’t want the Hardys losing or a title change. At least it felt big.

The big beatdown leaves the Hardys laying to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event helped a bit but the rest of the show was pretty awful. Flair getting taken out worked but you had a bunch of stuff here that felt like little more than filler. You had a five person battle royal, a Jim Duggan match and a Michael Richards parody. If that’s the best that they have at the moment, we could be in for a very long end of the year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

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Survivor Series 2006 (2021 Redo): Teach Them How To Survivor Series

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’ve always been a big Survivor Series fan and there is something great about seeing a milestone show with the 20^th edition. On top of that, we have three elimination tag matches for a change and the card looks pretty awesome. Then again that has been the case with several shows before and you never know if it is going to live up to the hype. The big non-elimination match is Batista vs. King Booker for Book’s Smackdown World Title so let’s get to it.

The opening video briefly talks about the anniversary before moving on to a traditional hype video looking at the big matches.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Legends: Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons

Spirit Squad: Kenny, Johnny, Mikey, Nicky

Arn Anderson and Mitch are at ringside. The Squad has been insulting Flair and the rest of the legends so it’s time to go to school. Simmons is replacing the injured Roddy Piper and scares Mikey down to start. A powerslam drops Mikey again and it’s a bunch of clotheslines to take the rest of the Squad down. Mitch offers a distraction though and Simmons goes out after him.

The stalking and watching Anderson beat up Mitch take a bit too long though and Simmons gets counted out. Simmons takes Mitch to the back with him and Anderson is ejected (with the fans NOT approving). That means Nicky gets to come in and request a salute from Slaughter, who works on his arm instead. It’s off to Flair for some shots of his own before handing it back to Slaughter for the cobra clutch. Kenny gets in a kick to the back of Slaughter’s head though and the mostly out Nicky gets the pin.

Dusty comes in for the Bionic Elbow to get rid of Nicky and it’s 3-2. Some jabs get Dusty out of the corner but a rollup is enough to finish him off. That leaves Flair alone against Kenny/Mikey/Johnny but Flair grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin. A small package gets rid of Kenny, meaning Flair can chop Johnny and put him in the Figure Four for the fast tap. Flair beat the last three of them in about two minutes.

Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course and it isn’t like the Squad means anything in the first place. Flair can beat all of these guys without breaking a sweat and he came pretty close here. The team almost has to be done now and that is going to be better for Raw at this point. The idea wasn’t going to work no matter what they did so to get as much as they did out of them is impressive enough. Pretty bad in-ring stuff, and that was never the point.

Post match the big beatdown is on with no one coming out for the save.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero for Benoit’s US Title. Benoit thinks that Chavo and Vickie Guerrero are taking advantage of Eddie Guerrero’s estate but they told him to stay out of their business (a fair point). Chavo beat Benoit up and tonight he can win the title.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo, with Vickie, is challenging. Benoit starts very fast with a slam into a backbreaker for two, followed by easily winning a strike off. A snap suplex and slam get two each on Chavo as JBL says Chavo made Rey quit like a little girl. I’m almost scared to imagine when/how JBL made a little girl say she quit. Chavo comes back with a series of strikes and sends Benoit hard into the post.

There’s a Saito suplex for two and the armbar goes on. Benoit gets creative with a Samoan drop to escape but Chavo dropkicks him right back down. A suplex sets up the frog splash for two but Chavo stops to yell some more. Benoit fights up again and knocks Chavo away for a needed breather so Vickie gets on the apron. After dealing the pesky manager, it’s the Crossface to retain the title.

Rating: C. That is pretty much it for Chavo being seen as anything serious as he loses the big showdown after Benoit kicks out of his finisher. What other reason is there to buy into him at this point? Chavo was not exactly a can’t miss prospect here anyway and it’s ok for him to not win, but this should wrap it up on him being seen as a serious villain, at least for the time being.

Lita, with Edge, affirms that she is still retiring after her title match against Mickie James no matter what. Edge makes fun of Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb while Cryme Tyme sneaks in and steals a box. Edge rants about DX as Cryme Tyme sneaks out of the room.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending and gets driven into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs to start. Some kicks to the ribs slow Mickie down and Lita counters a headscissors out of the corner by slamming Mickie down on her face (the simple ones always work). The fans deem Lita a “crack w****” as she gets some near falls. With the chant down, Lawler is right there with more jokes about Lita as the bodyscissors has Mickie in trouble.

Lita misses a splash of all things, sending Lawler into the joy of hope over a wardrobe malfunction. Mickie kicks her in the face for two but the hurricanrana out of the corner is countered into another faceplant. The Litacanrana gets two but the DDT is countered with a grab of the rope. They trade rollups for two each until Mickie hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was about what you would expect from a big Raw showdown but what matters is passing the torch (which Mickie has held before). The bad thing here was the amount of jokes at Lita’s expense, as commentary laid it in even thicker than usual. I know she’s leaving, but WWE can be rather cruel with these things at times, which was the case here.

Post match Lita insists on being called the greatest of all time but has to rant at the fans for disrespecting her so much. Cue Cryme Tyme with the box, sending Lita further over the edge. It’s time for a “ho sale” but it’s cash only. First item up is some yeast infection medicine, followed by some underwear (which JBL wants to smell before buying). Something that vibrates goes for $25 and finally, Lita’s box (it’s cheap and wide) is a hot item to wrap it up. Kind of a cruel way to go, but at least it saves them the cost of a trash bag (April 2021 reference for those of you reading this in 3847).

Earlier today, Batista wouldn’t answer any of Michel Cole’s questions. After a clip of the beatdown on Smackdown, Batista says he’s leaving as champion.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

DX: HHH/Shawn Michaels/Matt Hardy/CM Punk/Jeff Hardy

Rated-RKO: Edge/Randy Orton/Gregory Helms/Mike Knox/Johnny Nitro

The fans are way into Punk so HHH lets him ask if they are ready. The bell rings and HHH has Kelly Kelly get on the apron for a better view (while covering Shawn’s eyes of course). The distraction lets Shawn hit the superkick for a fast pin and elimination. Shawn chops away at Nitro and hands it off to Jeff to knock him down as well. Helms comes in to take Matt down and it’s Edge coming in as well to stomp away.

The villains start taking turns on Matt, who has to cover up from Nitro’s right hands to the head. Matt kicks him away and brings Punk in, much to the fans’ delight. Matt’s neck snap across the top sets up a Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice to eliminate Nitro. Orton dropkicks Punk down and Helms takes over with a front facelock to keep him on the mat for a bit.

The yet to be named Codebreaker connects for Helms and the RKO gets two with HHH making a save. It’s back to HHH for the jumping knees to the face as everything breaks down. Jeff and Shawn hit some dives onto the floor, leaving HHH to bust Helms’ spine. The Twist of Fate into the spinebuster gets rid of Helms and it’s Rated-RKO against all five members of the other team. Rated-RKO try to leave but get thrown back inside for Poetry in Motion into Sweet Chin Music to get rid of Edge. Another superkick into the Pedigree finishes Orton for the win.

Rating: D+. How weird is it to see a squash in a Survivor Series elimination match? Granted the talent on one side was completely nuts but my goodness man. This was completely one sided and I’m not sure how wise that was. Rated-RKO were decimated here, Helms’ title somehow lost even more value and Nitro was just a guy. It was fun, but I’m not sure if this was the smartest move.

We recap Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Kennedy is the latest young guy to go after Undertaker and say he is the new big star. This time Kennedy even managed to bust Undertaker open with his microphone so tonight it’s a First Blood match, which seems like a nice way out of having someone take a fall.

Mr. Kennedy is ready for his match but MVP gives him a pep talk anyway.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

First Blood. Kennedy hammers away to start and gets knocked over the top for his efforts. Undertaker sends him face first into the announcers’ table and then throws Kennedy over it for a bonus. Some headbutts have Kennedy in pain and there’s a big boot to to drop him again. Kennedy is back up with a whip into the steps but gets posted to cut that off in a hurry. Back in and Undertaker hits a top rope superplex but Kennedy is back with a low blow.

Undertaker doesn’t seem to mind and kicks away at the ribs before hammering away in the corner. Another low blow slows Undertaker down but Kennedy’s nose is busted. Cue MVP to towel Kennedy’s blood off….and throw Kennedy back inside as payback for Kennedy doing the same thing on Smackdown. Kennedy hammers away but here is MVP with a chair, which hits Undertaker by mistake (in theory) to bust him open. The referee finally sees it to give Kennedy the win.

Rating: C. The ending sets up a few more things, including MVP’s complete and utter destruction. Much like MVP winning the cage match against Kane on Smackdown, this is the kind of win that helps make Kennedy look that much more important. Of course it would be better to have Undertaker get pinned, but that isn’t something that happens very often so take what you can get here. Granted that’s Undertaker beating Kennedy up for most of the match and then getting cheated at the end, though I doubt Kennedy would mind.

Post match Kennedy brags about the win and talks a lot of trash, allowing Undertaker to wrap a chair around Kennedy’s head. Kennedy is busted open and Undertaker gives him a nasty Tombstone. The gloves come off and some bare knuckle punches have the bloody Kennedy bleeding even more. The referee drags him off.

Queen Sharmell gives King Booker a pep talk so Booker can monologue about how this is it for Batista.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Cena: John Cena, Bobby Lashley, Rob Van Dam, Kane, Sabu

Big Show: Big Show, Finlay, MVP, Test, Umaga

Cena avoids Umaga’s charge to start and sends him outside. Everything breaks down and Umaga hits Cena in the ribs with a TV monitor for the fact DQ. We settle down to Test elbowing Van Dam in the corner and planting him down so MVP can come in with the chinlock. Van Dam, with his nose bleeding, fights up and scores with the spinning kick to the face.

More kicks put all of the villains down and it’s Kane kicking MVP in the face. The Five Star gets rid of MVP but Test is right there with the big boot to eliminate Van Dam. Test sends Sabu outside but Lashley nails a spear, allowing Sabu to hit a tornado DDT for the pin. Show comes straight in to chokeslam Sabu for the pin as these eliminations are flying by. The Leprechaun comes out to give Finlay the Shillelagh and a shot to the head rocks Kane, setting up a chokeslam so Big Show can get rid of him too.

So it’s Cena/Lashley vs. Show/Finlay with Show powerslamming Cena in a hurry. Finlay comes in to stomp away but Cena gets in a knockdown of his own. That’s enough to bring in Lashley and everything breaks down again. A double clothesline drops Show but here’s the Leprechaun, who is thrown onto Cena. The distraction lets Lashley spear Finlay down for the pin and we’re down to 201. Cena manages to DDT Show and there’s a double suplex to put him down again. The finishing sequence is initiated and the FU finishes Show.

Rating: D+. his match, which featured eight eliminations, is now the longest match of the night at about twelve and a half minutes. I’m not sure why we need to go that short with everything but it has been a problem with almost everything on the show. Cena and Lashley teaming up to take out Show worked, but was there really any need for five eliminations in less than two minutes?

We recap Batista vs. King Booker for the Smackdown World Title. Batista had to vacate the title earlier this year due to an injury in this very building. It is his missing to get it back but Booker isn’t going it up so easily. If Batista loses, he can never challenge Booker for the title again.

Smackdown World Title: King Booker vs. Batista

Batista is challenging and starts fast by jumping him before the bell. They get inside to officially start the match with Batista hammering away in the corner. The threat of a Batista Bomb sends Booker bailing to the floor and the fans aren’t pleased. Back in and Batista hammers away even more but a hot shot gets Booker out of trouble. A catapult sends Batista throat first into the bottom rope and Booker stomps away even more.

Booker pokes him in the eye but you don’t need two eyes to hit a side slam for two. They head to the apron for a slugout with Batista knocking him back in. Sharmell grabs the leg though and Booker kicks him out to the floor again. Back in and Booker pounds him down into a chinlock as Cole asks JBL what it feels like to try and get the title back. JBL: “I’m not a loser Michael. Bring up something else.”

Batista fights up and hits the clotheslines into a big boot to send Booker outside. That means a whip into the steps, followed by a top rope shoulder (dang) for two back inside. Booker is right back with a Bookend for two but Batista is up with the Batista Bomb. They’re right next to the rope so Booker saves himself, allowing Sharmell to hand him the title. A Sharmell distraction doesn’t work though as Batista ducks the shot and takes the belt away. Batista’s belt shot is enough for the pin, the title, and the energized celebration.

Rating: D, This really didn’t work and the ending was stupid. How much of a conqueror does this make Batista, when he needed a belt shot to beat Booker? It’s a reclaiming the glory story and that should work, but the lack of drama didn’t help anything. Pretty awful main event with the main bright spot being the fact that they didn’t go long here. It’s the longest match of the show at less than fourteen minutes and it felt every one of them.

Batista celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. For a show that looked pretty fun on paper, this wound up being a nearly complete miss with nothing worth seeing, a bunch of matches that felt rushed, and a World Title change in the end that was about as lame as possible. These Survivor Series matches are supposed to be about hanging in there over a grueling match, but Finlay and Benoit had a match on Smackdown that was longer than anything here. It wasn’t the worst show, but someone needs to teach them how to Survivor Series.

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Monday Night Raw – November 20, 2006 (2021 Redo): I Love This Kind Of Thing

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 20, 2006
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Survivor Series and the show is mostly set. That is a rather good situation to have here as WWE is fresh off a European tour so they might not be going as hard as usual. You can always use a nice push towards the pay per view though and that very well may be the case here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Team Cena to get things going. John Cena talks about how they are ready to go but the Big Show had to jump him last week. If that’s the case, then come out here and let’s have this fight right now. Instead it’s Rated-RKO coming through the crowd with their pretty awful remix and the rest of their team. They are ready for Johnny Nitro to win the Intercontinental Title tonight and that is going to give them four champions on their team (plus MIKE KNOX!).

Hold on though as here are Ric Flair and some other legends, with Flair calling out Rated-RKO for winning the titles in a glorified handicap match. Rated-RKO and company are pathetic….and speaking of pathetic, here is the Spirit Squad through another part of the crowd with Kenny saying he has a special cheer for being the youngest Survivor Series captain of all time. Cue Team DX through the crowd, with Shawn Michaels saying we should start the Royal Rumble RIGHT NOW!

HHH offers a quick correction and make jokes about how easy the Spirit Squad really is. Now yeah Cena wants Big Show out here, but HHH saw an open case of Twinkies in the back so he isn’t coming out. HHH introduces his team but Edge cuts off the catchphrase, saying everyone is sick of them. Even Cena must be sick of them! Cena says not exactly, but he’s ready to fight Team Rated-RKO right now.

Instead here is Team Big Show on the stage, so Cena says let’s just have everyone get in the ring and see who is left standing. People start getting in but here is Vince McMahon to interrupt. We aren’t going to have a bunch of individual matches tonight, but we will have an eight man tag captain’s main event. That seems to work with everyone, though I don’t know how much choice they had.

Umaga vs. Sabu

Umaga knocks him down to start and the pace slows in a hurry. Sabu gets knocked outside and then thrown back inside so Umaga can knock him down again. Back up and Sabu hits a few hip attacks, setting up a springboard tornado DDT to rock the monster. That’s about it though as the Spike finishes Sabu in a hurry.

Rating: D. Just a quick squash to make it clear that Umaga is a mask. He does that kind of thing quite well and having him beat up Sabu worked well. Sabu is one of those people who can take a loss without being damaged in any serious way and I can’t imagine he is going to be that big of a factor in the Survivor Series match anyway.

Torrie Wilson is in the ring with the t-shirt gun and Jerry Lawler gets on the table so she can shoot one at him. Cue Chris Masters to say that’s a big gun, but has Torrie ever seen guns like his? Masters knows Torrie can’t break the Masterlock, but he knows some better positions for her anyway. Cue Carlito to interrupt and say that Masters may have big guns but it’s just a little pistol where it counts. Carlito drops Masters and hugs Torrie, which allows Masters to get up with the Masterlock. Lawler makes the save.

Johnny Nitro and Melina dedicate Nitro’s ladder match for the Intercontinental Title against Jeff Hardy to Kevin Federline. They’re winning tonight and then at Survivor Series, and then they are going to party with Kevin Federline after he beats John Cena on New Year’s Day.

Kenny picks Nicky to face Dusty Rhodes tonight. Hold on though as Kenny goes to yell at Ric Flair, who seems to be enjoying the company of Candice Michelle. Candice whispers in Flair’s ear and Flair smiles, but Kenny promises to end him on Sunday. Flair has two words for Kenny: WOO, and Ron Simmons, who is replacing Roddy Piper on Sunday, says the other. Kenny realizes he’s in trouble.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is challenging in a ladder match. They go with some grappling to start until Hardy is sent into the corner. Nitro charges into a raised boot though and Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind. Hardy sends him outside for the suicide dive and we take a break. Back with Nitro cutting off the climb so Hardy moves the ladder into the corner. For some reason Nitro climbs as well so he gets shoved down in a big crash.

Hardy dropkicks the ladder into Nitro for a nasty crash and goes up, only to have Nitro come up again and kick him down for the crash sequel. Back up and Hardy slams him onto the ladder but the Swanton only hits ladder. Nitro throws the ladder at him and it winds up hanging around Hardy’s head for a pretty awesome visual.

A dropkick drops Hardy and Nitro throws him into the ladder in the corner for another knockdown. Nitro hits him in the back with a ladder but Hardy brings in another one, meaning it’s a double climb. Hardy is fine enough to hit a heck of a sunset bomb down and then hits the signature jump over the ladder into the big legdrop. With Nitro down, Hardy puts the ladder on top of Nitro and climbs up to retain the title.

Rating: B. Rather good TV ladder match here with some pretty cool spots. Hardy winning should end the feud, at least for now, and they have traded the title enough over the last few weeks. You don’t get to see a match that feels this big on regular TV so it was pretty cool for a blowoff to a pretty how feud.

This Week In Wrestling History: Undertaker debuted at Survivor Series 1990.

Dusty Rhodes is ready to do various things to Nicky, including cooking and smoking. There are very few people who can make such nonsense work.

Dusty Rhodes vs. Nicky

They starts slowly with Nicky being smart enough to bail from the threat of the Bionic Elbow. Back in and Nicky gets in a few shots to the ribs to knock Dusty into the corner. A kick to the knee takes Dusty down but he’s back up with a few right hands. The gyrating sets up the Bionic Elbow and the strut into the big elbow drop finishes Nicky.

Rating: D+. What else were you expecting here? Dusty is mostly retired and it isn’t like the Spirit Squad is going to lose much by taking another loss. Nicky is just another name on a list of losers at this point so getting beaten by one of the biggest stars of all time is hardly some career death sentence.

Edge and Lita are enjoying each others’ company but Randy Orton brings Maria in for a question. She asks if the two of them are going to be able to win twice in a row….but there is some kind of hullabaloo in the next room. It’s Cryme Tyme yelling about something so Rated-RKO goes in, with Orton saying they are going to be champions for a long time if this is their competition.

Cryme Tyme calls him a metrosexual and….something else. Orton has no idea what they just said but Edge says he is down with this. He spent a lot of time, ahem, bonding with Whitney Houston videos when he was younger. Maria: “I LOVE WHITNEY HOUSTON!” After a pause over that, Edge promises to make DX just like Cryme Tyme, by beating them black. And blue. Rated-RKO leave but Cryme Tyme stop Maria so they can watch See No Evil together. Maria doesn’t seem interested by they put her on the couch and get rather close to her. Well that got rather creepy in a hurry.

Lita vs. Mickie James

Non-title and Lita has another stipulation: this time Maria has to be blindfolded. Coach puts the hood on her but Mickie gets in a few shots anyway. That doesn’t last long though as Lita knocks her down and hits the DDT. The moonsault (with the leg hitting Mickie in the face) finishes Mickie in a hurry.

Post match Lita grabs the mic and goes on a rant about how awesome she is. She single handedly revolutionized women’s wrestling in WWE. Before her, women were all eye candy but then she brought in moonsaults and Litacanranas. She has sacrificed her knee and her neck while the people yell at her every week. Without her, there is no Mickie James or Trish Stratus because she inspired a generation of women (true, at least on the inspiration part). That’s why it is going to be so easy to walk away on Sunday, because she is retiring after Survivor Series.

Rated-RKO run into Kenny and Big Show, which makes Orton think they are ready.

Here’s a look at the violence on the See No Evil DVD, because now we need the home video pounded into our head too.

Smackdown Rebound.

Survivor Series rundown.

Rated-RKO/Kenny/Big Show vs. D-Generation X/John Cena/Ric Flair

It’s a brawl to start before DX is here to even things up. House is cleaned in a hurry with Edge getting beaten up by all four of the good guys. Big Show saves him from Sweet Chin Music so they beat Show down instead. We take a break and are joined in progress with Kenny slamming Shawn to set up a very quickly broken chinlock.

Orton comes in for some stomping and Show drops the big leg. Edge pulls on both arms at the same time before Orton comes back in….to miss the RKO. That’s enough for the hot tag to Cena and the house is cleaned in a hurry. Everything breaks down and Cena hits the FU to finish Kenny in a hurry.

Rating: C-. This felt like they just threw a bunch of people out there at once and hoped for the best, which is not the worst idea in the world. They didn’t want to do anything too big before the pay per view and what we got here was good enough. Cena pinning Kenny isn’t going to hurt him as, again, the Spirit Squad have been portrayed as losers for months. The rest of the people just happened to be there too.

Post match the rest of the teams come in for the big brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Pretty good go home show here as it made me want to see the pay per view a lot more than I did before. Having all of those teams out there made for a really cool feeling and having them all in action on Sunday should make for a good show. I liked this more than I was expecting to and you could feel how important the whole thing is going to be when we get to Survivor Series.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.