Believe it or not I still do these. Today is Melina.

Melina tried out for Tough Enough III but didn’t make the final cut. However she was able to get a job a little over a year later and went down to OVW. After a few appearances on Raw and Smackdown in various Divas wearing little clothing segments, she made her real debut as the manager of MNM (Mercury, Nitro and Melina) in April of 2005. She would make her in ring debut a few months later on the June 30, 2005 episode of Smackdown.

Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina is doing the A-List gimmick and talked about all the celebrities coming to see her first match. There were even paparazzi waiting for her as she made her entrance. Michelle isn’t much yet other than a hot blonde in barely there shorts. Melina is sent to the floor and kicked through the ropes but Michelle drags her back inside.

A rollup gets two for Michelle and a kick to the face gets the same. Melina begs off and offers a handshake and the tall blonde actually goes for it. She earns that right hand to the face and Melina chokes away for awhile. An awkward looking kick to the face puts Michelle down as her shorts don’t want to stay down. Melina powerbombs Michelle out of the corner and rolls her up with feet on the ropes for the pin. Too short to rate but the outfits were better than the match.

Soon after this MNM would get into a feud with Animal/Heidenreich over the Smackdown Tag Team Titles. This led to a six person tag at No Mercy 2005 with Christy Hemme joining the alleged Legion of Doom.

MNM vs. Legion of Doom/Christy Hemme

This is Animal/Heidenreich which never worked at all. They’re the tag champions here. My goodness Christy was gorgeous. She took a Snapshot on Smackdown so she’s injured coming in. Animal has a taped up shoulder too. Heidenreich pulls Nitro in and the beating is on before he can even take the fur coat off. Heidenreich is all fired up and hits a three point clothesline for two. Off to the large gut with the Animal attached but Mercury gets in a kick to the shoulder to take over.

He keeps kicking at it and knocks Heidenreich to take draw him in. MNM hits the Snapshot on Animal very quickly but it only gets two because of the delay in getting to the cover. Mercury snaps the shoulder over the top rope to let Nitro get two. The double team continues and Animal is in trouble. Neckbreaker gets two. Mercury goes up but jumps into an almost powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Melina tags herself in. She dives onto Animal and gets caught. Off to Christy for a bad Hart Attack and then a HORRIBLE rana. As in the legs were around Melina’s arms. Doomsday Device ends Melina.

Rating: D-. Christy Hemme is a fine example of a girl that looks good in tight pants and a black bra. She’s incredibly attractive and sexy, but but she had no business being in a wrestling ring as a competitor. It didn’t work for her at all and she was only in the ring for about 45 seconds. Again though, she’s there for her looks and those work very well.

Melina wouldn’t get in the ring much in 2006 as she was mainly used as a plot device for a feud between Mick Foley and Ric Flair. Apparently Melina and Foley were friends in real life and Foley had to degrade himself to keep her job. Melina turned on him anyway and Foley was fired. The whole thing never made a ton of sense and isn’t talked about that much. Melina would get back in the ring in early 2007 and have a Women’s Title shot February 19, 2007 on Raw.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

It’s amazing how much harder the girls’ sexuality was pushed at this point. Melina comes out gyrating more than the Bellas do in a year and Mickie’s skirt flies up about four times during her entrance alone. It’s so different than today and I see very little to complain about. Mickie armdrags Melina down to start but Melina comes back with a string of kicks. A running dropkick sends Melina outside but she blocks a baseball slide.

Back in and Melina takes over with some shots to the back before tossing Mickie down by the hair. Mickie gets tired of the shots to the head and takes Melina down for some right hands. A hair toss sends Melina down this time but she blocks a throw out of the corner. Mickie’s head hits the mat and Melina gets a jackknife cover for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but the girls looked great and it was a nice to see them just brawling instead of trying to go through wrestling matches. I appreciate it when girls like Nikki and Brie try, but it looks awful most of the time. Why do something badly when you can do this style better?

Melina would lose and win the title back at a house show a few weeks later before defending the title against Mickie again in a few months at Backlash 2007.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Mickie James

Melina is defending. Mickie is getting her return match here and is looking very bouncy tonight. They head to the mat to start with Mickie hitting a monkey flip for one. Off to a headlock by the challenger which is reversed into one by Melina. Mickie escapes that with ease so Melina pounds away as she can’t win a wrestling match here. Mickie mounts her (lucky) and pounds away as well.

James goes up top but gets sent out to the floor to give Melina control. She chokes Mickie in the ropes and then hooks a full nelson with her legs. Now it’s a choke in the corner but Mickie escapes. And never mind as Melina comes off with a seated senton to take over again immediately. That gets two so Mickie tries her spin kick. That fails also as Melina counters, sending Mickie down into the splits. James hooks Melina’s legs and they slug it out with both girls in a splits position.

Mickie makes her comeback with forearms and hair tosses. She’s very fired up here and it looks like a good comeback instead of the usual lame Divas offense. Mickie’s rana out of the corner is countered as Melina sends her to the apron. She pops back up and hits a top rope cross body for two. Back to the corner and Melina hits a kick to the head followed by a reverse DDT to retain.

Rating: C+. This was one of the best Divas match I’ve seen in YEARS. Mickie was awesome as was Melina, but most importantly of all: this was treated like a match between two women, rather than a Divas match if that makes sense. The match wasn’t treated like anything different, which is the best thing they could do with the Divas anymore. Also it got time, which helped a lot.

There wasn’t much else for Melina in 2007 other than getting annoyed at Ashley Massaro for being in Playboy. This was followed by Maria posing in the magazine and a tag match at Wrestlemania XXIV.

Maria/Ashley vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina

This is a Playboy lumberjill match with Snoop Dogg as master of ceremonies in a golf cart. Snoop of course comes out with all of the lumberjills because that’s what Snoop would do. Ashley is her usual self and Maria looks great. Also, her theme song continues to be ridiculously catchy. Oh and Beth is Women’s Champion and has Santino with her. Melina has uh….wings.

Ashley tries to fight Beth and is immediately thrown around. Maria tries a double hip toss with Ashley which goes as well as you would expect two talentless models to be able to do. Melina is thrown to the floor and beaten up by the good Divas and takes a bad Bronco Buster from Maria. Ashley gets a running start to climb to the middle ropes to punch Melina as this mess continues. Melina takes over and catapults Ashley into a bearhug by Beth.

Melina hits a moonsault off of Beth’s shoulders for two before we get a stupid trip from Ashley. Off to Maria for some kicks as the lights go out. They finally get a spotlight on as this continues to fall apart. Maria tries to counter the Glam Slam into a bulldog but can’t even do that right. Melina breaks up the pin and we get heel miscommunication. Maria hits a kind of top rope bulldog but Santino breaks up the pin. Lawler punches out Santino but Beth hits a fisherman’s buster for the pin on Maria.

Rating: F+. That’s ALL for Maria looking great. I forgot this match was a lumberjill match after about a minute and the rest of the girls couldn’t even be seen after that long. Maria was TERRIBLE here and she was the better worker on her team. This didn’t work at all and was the disaster to end all disasters for Divas matches.

Melina would start feuding with Beth soon after this (shocking I know) leading to a rare Divas gimmick match at One Night Stand 2008.

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Recaps? Context? Point to the match? Who needs those stupid things? This is an I Quit match. We get a clip from Judgment Day of Beth hitting a double backbreaker on Melina and Mickie at the same time which is rather awesome. Dang it’s fun to watch Melina gyrate. Beth backs her into the ropes immediately to intimidate her so Melina grabs a guillotine choke of all things and Beth is in trouble early.

Beth easily counters out of it but it was working for awhile. Backbreaker gives Beth control and a bow and arrow has Melina in trouble. Something resembling a face jam/tornado DDT to Beth sets up an Indian Deathlock with a bridge which is always awesome looking. Beth crawls to the floor because ropes mean nothing. That looked pretty cool at least. Over the shoulder backbreaker has Melina in trouble as there is no flow to this match at all.

The fans want Chyna which should tell you how uninteresting this is. JR and King kind of shut up for a bit as Beth puts on a chinlock. Melina manages to send her into the middle buckle and Beth’s shoulder hits the post a bit later. Headscissors sets up an armbar, almost like La Mistica. Cross Armbreaker goes on as the crowd flat out does not care. Off to an arm choke but Beth is like screw that and hits a powerbomb to break it. Seated double chickenwing goes on and Melina looks like she’s about to cry. Beth then grabs the chin and pulls back to the point where Melina’s head is touching her own feet and that’s it.

Rating: D+. Another ridiculously boring match but at least Beth was hot. Seriously, other than that there was next to nothing going on here. Also, Divas don’t need ten minutes because it doesn’t take that long to go buy a Coke. Pretty weak match overall and nothing special in the slightest.

Melina would turn face soon after this but injure her heel, putting her out of action until late November. Once she came back, Melina won a battle royal to earn a title match against Beth Phoenix at the 2009 Royal Rumble.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Melina gets on Beth’s shoulders again but Beth shoves her down in a crash. A running Umaga attack in the corner puts Melina down again and Beth is in full control. In a freaky looking move, Beth grabs Melina’s leg in a kind of ankle lock position and bends the leg forward to make Melina kick herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Melina escapes a gorilla press and fires off some forearms before getting two off a sunset flip. Two knees into Beth’s back have her staggered and a hair drag gets two. Out of nowhere, Melina grabs a spinning rollup for the pin and the title. As sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here and the girls looked good so I can’t complain much. That leg lock thing of Beth’s was SICK and it’s one of those moves that just looks painful all around. At the end of the day though, does it matter who has either of the female belts? They’re completely interchangeable and this one was retired the next year.

Melina would drop the title soon and chase the belt for a few months. Soon after she would be sent to Raw and get a title shot on her first night on the red show.

Divas Title: Jillian Hall vs. Melina

Jillian won the title literally five minutes before this. Bell, Jillian hides in the corner, sunset bomb, new champion.

Melina would defend against Alicia Fox on Raw a few weeks later on November 16, 2009.

Divas Title: Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Melina is champion and Alicia won some battle royal. Alicia says to announcer her as the next Divas Champion. He says no and it’s now a lumberjill match with the members of the Survivor Series teams as the girls on the floor. Melina does her Matrix move and gets sent to the floor where the heel chicks beat on her. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Fox. And never mind as a sunset bomb gets the pin for Melina.

Unfortunately Melina would tear her ACL a few weeks later and be out for eight months. Soon after returning she would get a Divas Title match against champion Alicia Fox at Summerslam 2010.

Divas Title: Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Alicia is champion and the flavor of the month of the division. Melina has on a headdress that makes her look like a peacock. She looks….stupid. Melina takes forever taking off her furry boots before we’re finally ready to go. After they stare at each other for a good while Melina shoves her into the corner and then they stare at each other some more. The champion takes it to the mat with a headlock before Melina comes up with forearms. Off to a kind of Indian Deathlock with a curb stomp to Fox followed by a pair of knees to Fox’s ribs.

Some more forearms have Fox in trouble but Melina lands on her bad knee which cost her eight months off. The knee is good enough for Melina to superkick Fox, only to be sent shoulder first into the post. Back in and Fox goes after the arm because she’s not that bright. Melina realizes how stupid this is and makes her comeback with a kick to the ribs. A LOUD scream sets up a kick to the back and kind of a Diamond Cutter faceplant for the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Both girls looked great but my dear merciful goodness Fox was embarrassing out there. When Jerry Lawler is making fun of you for having a lack of psychology, it’s a bad sign for your match. The Divas division hit a black hole after Trish and Lita left and this was a great example of how bad it was getting.

Post match Josh Matthews goes in to talk to Melina but here’s Laycool to interrupt. They’re the co-women’s champions here after literally tearing the belt in two. They try to take a picture with Melina but she kicks them both in the ribs. Layla trips Melina up though, allowing Michelle to clearly not make contact on a big boot. Fox tries to join in but gets beaten down as well. The titles would be unified next month.

And here’s that unification match from Night of Champions 2010.

Women’s Titles: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

Michelle in red: DANG. Nice back shot of her as the bell rings. Layla is ticked at her for being in there as we hear about the history of the Women’s Title, which is of course mostly nonsense but whatever. Crowd is DEAD. Yes, a Chicago crowd is dead. Michelle sends her to the floor but no one sends her back in. NICE Blockbuster from Orton’s elevated DDT position by Michelle. I love the Blockbuster (jumping front flip neckbreaker) so that was sweet for me.

Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) is blocked and Melina takes over. Decent belly to belly suplex for two by the blonde. Kelly gets up on the apron marking the first time they do anything all night as Melina has her rolled up. Kelly is for Melina here but just doesn’t get it I guess. The girls all beat up Michelle and send her back in. They need to stop slapping the mat as I think it’s a referee count.

Melina does the Matrix Move but Michelle just kicks her. Again: kicking and punching people works best a lot of the time. Both girls hit the floor as the girls yell at Michelle, showing off their acting…..talent. Layla interferes and Michelle gets to hit a, wait for it, wait for it, BIG BOOT TO UNIFY THE BELTS.

Rating: C-. Surprisingly decent match here although the girls were absolutely pointless out there. Layla interfering is fine as it’s expected, but what about the heat between them allegedly? This wasn’t much but at least it gets rid of the Divas Title, or at least I hope so. Better than most Divas matches though so I’ll give it that.

That would be about it for Melina as far as matches that mattered. Here’s one last match from July 11, 2011.

Kelly Kelly vs. Melina

The Bellas are on commentary and talking about how one of them will be champion after Money in the Bank on Sunday. The evil Melina chokes away to start as the Bellas rip into Kelly on commentary. A neckbreaker gets two for Kelly and a quick K2 is enough for the pin on Melina.

Overall Melina was successful but she was much better known for those gyrations than anything else. With good reason too as she was gorgeous and could shake her hips like no one else could. She’s not the best worker in the world or anything though and her horrible attitude backstage is well known. Still though, she’s very nice to look at with the great curves and perfect black hair.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

We’ll go with someone a bit better looking than Big Show today: Tara, or Victoria if you’re not a TNA fan.

Victoria would begin training in 2000 and make her in ring debut (she had been an on screen character as one of Godfather’s Ho’s for awhile) in the WWE in August 2002 with her first feud against Trish Stratus. Believe it or not there was a story here with Victoria saying Trish ripped her off when they were both fitness models. This led to a hardcore match for Trish’s title at Survivor Series 2002.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending. This is their second PPV match after Trish won last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom (lucky guy) but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.

Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.

It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a rana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Vicotira off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick (Punk’s high kick) gets two for Trish as does a bulldog. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish with. That and a suplex gets the pin and the title for the nutjob.

Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.

Victoria would become more and more psycho before hooking up with Steven Richards in a bizarre relationship that lasted for several months. She would hold the title until Wrestlemania XIX when she would defend it in a threeway against Jazz and Trish.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and is still psycho here. She’s also Tara for you TNA fans. Jazz hits a quick dropkick for two on Trish before Victoria can even get to the ring. Off to what we would call a Last Chancery to the Canadian after the champion is knocked to the floor. Everyone winds up outside with the champion taking over. She sends Trish back inside for a slingshot legdrop, getting two. Jazz and Victoria square off now before turning their attentions back to Stratus for some double teaming.

That goes nowhere though as it’s time for the villains to fight again with Jazz getting two off a powerslam. Trish comes back with a rollup on Victoria for two but she clotheslines Trish down for two as a result. Jerry: “Trish is like a quarter among pennies in there.” JR: “…..what?” Jazz hits a sitout powerslam for two on Stratus before arguing with Victoria even more. A spin kick by Jazz hits Victoria by mistake and allows Trish to roll her up for two. The Chick Kick puts Jazz down and the Stratusphere does the same to Victoria.

The champion is knocked to the floor as Jazz puts Trish in a half crab which is transitioned into an STF. Victoria’s boyfriend/manager Steven Richards comes in to send Jazz to the floor, allowing the other two to trade rollups for two each. Jazz comes back in and lifts Trish up for a double chickenwing before dropping her down on her uh…face. Yeah face. Victoria kicks Jazz down but misses a moonsault, knocking herself to the floor. Richards comes in and hits himself with a chair. As he goes to the floor, Trish hits the Chick Kick on Victoria for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Not bad again here and one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a long time. There wasn’t much of a story being told here but at the same time, they looked like they knew what they were doing and never looked lost, which puts them miles ahead of anything in the last three years of Divas matches.

As is almost always the case with the Divas, there weren’t a ton of stories around this time. There would however be one match of note on November 24, 2003: the first Divas cage match with Victoria vs. Lita in Lita’s first match back after breaking her neck.

Lita vs. Victoria

There’s no backstory to this one as the gimmick is selected through Raw Roulette. Lita jumps Victoria as she gets in the cage and rams her into the steel. Victoria’s pants start riding down a bit and Jerry freaks out at the sight of a thong. Lita is sent face first into the steel as well and the spinning sidewalk slam gets two. Victoria can’t make it through the door and some right hands from Lita have her in trouble.

The redhead can’t make it out of the cage as Victoria makes the save, pulling her down from the top for two. A spear sends Lita’s back into the cage but she comes back with a powerbomb out of the corner. Lita goes up and moonsaults a standing Victoria but the EVIL Matt Hardy comes in and slams the door on Lita’s head, allowing Victoria to crawl out for the win.

Rating: D+. The match was way too short to go anywhere but DANG the girls looked good out there. I know Lita is often remembered for looking great but crazy Victoria was no slouch whatsoever. Evil Matt was a decent idea but it didn’t have the time to really go anywhere. Again, more of a novelty than anything else.

Speaking of novelties, Victoria would eventually turn face and win the title, leading to a hair vs. title match at Wrestlemania XX. I don’t think I need to explain it any further than that.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and Molly has her hair on the line. The champion has the awesome All The Things She Said as her theme song as is looking sweet in white here. They lock up to start and Molly pounds her down before whipping Victoria into the corner. Victoria nips up off the mat and sends Molly to the floor but loses control soon thereafter. Back in again as the match is already going slowly.

A low dropkick gets two on Victoria and it’s off to a reverse cravate by Molly. A quick rollup gets two for Victoria as JR says he doesn’t wear underwear. Victoria powerslams her down for two but Molly heads up a few seconds later. An attempted superplex is countered into a slow motion sunset bomb for two for Molly. A backslide out of nowhere retains the title for Victoria, meaning it’s time to see a bald Holly.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here other than both girls looking incredibly cute. As is usually the case, there’s no explanation given for why this match is happening, nore does anyone seem interested in telling us. Molly would get a wig soon after this which admittedly was pretty amusing. Nothing to the match which didn’t even last five minutes.

Molly tries to put Victoria into the barber’s chair post match but can’t get the clippers to work. The champion fights back and lays Molly out for the haircut.

Since this is WWE and Victoria is a good looking woman, a special outfit match had to be coming eventually. This is from Taboo Tuesday 2004.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Nidia vs. Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly vs. Victoria vs. Stacy Keibler

This is the schoolgirl battle royal and yes Trish is defending the title in a battle royal. She’s ticked and a heel here. Jazz isn’t someone I want to see dressed like this. Why can’t Lillian be in this? I’ve never been sure if Nidia is hot or not. Gail looks good too. She never meant a thing after her debut though. Molly is growing her hair back after having it shaved at I think Mania. Victoria (Tara) looks great like this. Stacy is perfect for it with the legs.

It’s not over the top either. The crowd is more into this than the first match. Nidia’s top falls off and she gets knocked out. Jazz is hanging on to the bottom rope and Victoria accidentally hits her with a baseball slide to put her out. Gail is out. There isn’t much to say here at all. Stacy gets the biggest pop of the night for doing a Nash leg choke on Victoria.

This is mainly just a way for Lawler to freak over underwear shots. Molly and Trish get rid of Victoria, leaving the two of them and Stacy. This is boring as all goodness. Stacy is supposed to be the big face here and she makes a bit of a comeback but Molly puts her out easily. Trish is almost out earlier but holds on and sneaks up on Molly to put her out and retain.

Rating: D-. This was bad on all levels. I’ve never gotten the appeal of the schoolgirl thing and this was no exception. Nothing came from this at all but at least it was quick. It was boring as heck on top of that too so there we are. At least it’s over and the girls are hardly bad looking….for the most part.

Around this time we started getting some new Divas, including one by the name of Christy Hemme. She and Victoria started a feud over a swimsuit contest, leading to a match at Vengeance 2005.

Christy Hemme vs. Victoria

They start fast and Victoria does all kinds of evil things to Christy. This is non-title also since the title is on Smackdown at the moment. The cards in the set change based on who is in the current match. The fans don’t really care either. Lawler says this is about looks or whatever. Christy botches the heck out of a sunset flip. Yeah I’m stunned too.

Ross freaks because Christy can do a DDT. She can do one of the least complex moves of all time and she gets cheered for it. She goes for another sunset flip and Victoria drops down and grabs the ropes for the heel pin.

Rating: D-. The lack of failing is because these are two of the hottest Divas of all time. The match was totally awful though, if you didn’t guess that part. Christy was gorgeous but it was clear that she just wasn’t all that great in the ring and it showed every time she was out there. Even Victoria couldn’t save her, and that says quite a bit.

After entering and leaving an alliance called Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson called Vince’s Devils, it was back to old stomping grounds for Victoria as she faced Trish Stratus on the August 21, 2006 episode of Monday Night Raw.

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

They slug it out to start and Trish hits a splash in the corner followed by a dropkick. Trish knocks her to the floor and hits the Thesz Press to the floor. Clothesline gets two back in the ring. Victory roll gets the same and you know Lawler was happy with that. Stratusfaction is countered into a backbreaker and Victoria works on the back a bit. They go to the corner and Trish hits a middle rope hurricanrana but Victoria pops up and tries the Widow’s Peak. Trish escapes and Stratusfaction ends this clean.

Rating: C+. This was FAR better than any Divas match that we’ve had in years. It’s only about three minutes long and they did more good looking stuff than the modern batch of Divas have done in I don’t know how long. Trish was gorgeous but she could also have some great matches. Victoria is no slouch either.

Mickie James was Women’s Champion around this time and that wasn’t cool with Victoria. She created a hit list and went after every name before getting to Mickie, with the showdown coming at New Year’s Revolution 2007.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Mickie James

So for a month and a half, Victoria has had a hit list of the Divas to get to James and this is the end of that. Mickie is still rocking the insane skirts at this point. Ross and Lawler talk about Jack Doane’s hometown for zero explainable reason. Lillian is cheering for Mickie as Lillian almost got a Widow’s Peak on Raw.

Mickie starts throwing punches which is weird to see. And Lawler gets to use the line of he loves to see her wrestle but he’d love to see her box. Ross misses it though so we get no rebuttal. Melina comes out to help Victoria and it doesn’t work as Mickie hits her spinning DDT for the pin.

Rating: F+. Only reason are all the great visuals. The booking here makes zero sense as they built Victoria up as the monster for a month and a half and now it’s just thrown away. Oh well, they looked hot so that’s all that matters in this division. Lawler’s lines were beyond old at this point and brought it down even further.

Victoria would become a veteran around this time, meaning she would be used to bring up the newer Divas coming in to replace the retired Trish and Lita. This would go on for most of 2008, including a six Diva tag on October 31, 2008’s Smackdown.

Michelle McCool/Maria/Brie Bella vs. Maryse/Natalya/Victoria

Michelle is Divas Champion and everyone is in Halloween costumes, ranging from Cleopatra (Brie) to a bunny (Maria) to a soldier (McCool) to a French maid (Maryse) to a cop (Natalya) to…..Victoria as a banana. Maria throws Victoria around but the banana cartwheels out of it. Off to Natalya who gets hit in the ribs and dragged over to Cleopatra, only to come back with a Samoan drop.

Maryse comes in for a backbreaker and two before the big banana hits her spinning side slam for the same. Brie tries to hide under the ring and it’s Twin Magic, allowing for the tag off to McCool. House is cleaned and a neckbreaker gets two on Victoria. Maria makes a blind tag and comes off the top with a cross body for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. If you don’t get the point of this one, I don’t know how to help you.

That would be about it for Victoria in the WWE as she would leave in January 2009 but would appear again very soon, this time in TNA as Tara. She would win two Knockouts Titles in her first six months but neither of them would last a full month. That would change after her 2/3 falls match against champion ODB at Genesis 2010.

Knockouts Title: Tara vs. ODB

This is 2/3 falls which makes sense as they’ve had a match or two before and you can’t have the same match again as we had a few weeks ago and then ask people to pay for it. THAT WOULD MAKE NO SENSE! That Broken song is AWESOME. There’s not a ton going on in the first few minutes here as it’s just them going back and forth.

This is the problem with 2/3 falls matches: you don’t have to really pay attention until the second fall, which is starting right now as Tara hooks a small package for the first fall. Tara hooks the tarantula. Not a lot is going on here at all. We get a great shot of Tara’s figure to make this match much better. Brooke shot number 6. This time she’s with Joey Fatone.

If TNA insists on the celebrity thing, get celebrities that have mattered this millennium. ODB uses the freaking Tumbleweed. Are we in the mid 70s all of a sudden? She pulls something out of her cleavage to be odd before hitting a powerslam for two. This is kind of meandering along and needs to end soon. ODB keeps touching herself and checking her pulse. It’s freaking stupid looking. And the Widow’s Peak ends it. The timing was pretty good if nothing else. What the heck is up with the freaking spider???

Rating: C-. Not great here as the 2/3 falls thing felt way too much like a gimmick for the sake of having a gimmick which I can If never advocate. Tara winning the title is fine, but she didn’t need to get two straight wins to do it. That was overkill which is never a good thing.

The next few months brought various title defenses against any Knockout until Angelina Love took the title from her about four months later. She wanted the title back so badly that she agreed to put her career on the line against new champion Madison Rayne at Sacrifice, only to lose the title. A few months later, a mysterious biker would appear and help Madison in matches. The biker would be revealed as Tara, who was under a contract with Madison to continue her career. Eventually Tara would a title shot at Angelina Live in a fatal fourway at Bound For Glory 2010, also involving Madison and Velvet Sky.

KnockoutsTitle: AngelinaLovevs. MadisonRaynevs. VelvetSkyevs. Tara

Dang Mickie looks good. I could go without the hardcore country thing though. One fall to a finish here and tags are required. Angelina vs. Madison to start us off. Off to the regular Beautiful People now which is the only match left in that division I suppose. Madison comes in and gets in Mickie’s face but that goes nowhere.

This is another match that is going too fast to really keep track of. Tara vs. Velvet at the moment. How in the world did Hefner think Tara didn’t look good enough for Playboy? Octopus Hold from Velvet to Tara which blows my mind a million ways to Monday. The tagging thing is of course abandoned soon. Widow’s Peak doesn’t go on as Angelina makes a save. And then she rolls up Velvet with some tights being pulled to give her the title. We get the BROKEN song so I’m very happy. Madison goes off on her and Mickie kicks her teeth in. So it’s Tara vs. Mickie now? Ok then.

Rating: D+. Pretty much just a mess here and only a way to get the title on the show. This wasn’t much at all but you had five hot women and you get to add Mickie to the division now which is definitely not a bad thing at all as it was dying for some fresh blood. Nothing very good here but I’ve seen worse.

Tara and Madison would continue their partnership for several more months, including through Tara’s feud with Mickie James. Eventually Madison would take on Mickie herself, only to have Tara turn on her for her freedom. Soon after this Tara would join forces with Miss Tessmacher and challenge Mexican America for the Knockouts Tag Team Titles.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Miss Tessmacher/Tara

 

Tara and Tessmacher wait for the champs to come through the curtain to jump them. After a beating in the aisle there’s the bell. A double team sends Tara to the floor and Tessmacher hits a double clothesline. Hey, since there are four hot chicks in the ring, let’s show the old Spanish announce team! Tessmacher gets beaten down as we start the actual match here. There’s the required USA chant as Tessmacher takes Rosita down. Just not down enough for a tag.

 

Everything breaks down quickly as Hebner puts Tara out. More double teaming gets two on Tessmacher. Tara comes in again and throws Tessmacher to their own corner to guarantee a hot tag. Tara cleans house with some awkward looking punches. Widow’s Peak is set up forever but doesn’t hit Sarita because Madison runs in to break it up. Sarita rolls Tara up but only gets two. Tessmacher is thrown into Sarita and actually manages a Stratusfaction bulldog. Tara hits a chokebomb and Tessmacher gets a small package for stereo pins at 4:43 to give us new champs.

 

Rating: C-. Not like the title mean anything but having Tessmacher and Tara hug each other a lot is never a bad thing. Does anyone ever successfully defend the tag titles anymore? Either way, this was a bit better than most of their matches and it helps that Tessmacher has an actual finishing move now rather than the amplified Stinkface.

Not a lot would happen for Tara other than a few random single and tag title reigns. Eventually she would start feuding with her old partner Miss Tessmacher, including a match for the title at Bound For Glory 2012. The main draw here though was the identity of Tara’s Hollywood boyfriend who would debut tonight.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tess is defending. Tessmacher’s robe/jacket is on the ropes as we start. A quick crucifix gets no count for the champ. Teryn Terrell is referee again because…because…I have no idea why she’s still around actually. Tara gets sent to the floor and we get a chase scene. Tara hides behind the referee and we head right back to the floor where Tess gets dropped on the apron to give Tara the advantage.

Back in and the champ gets one on a sunset flip and it’s off to a chinlock by Tara. Tara whips her into the corner but charges into a boot followed by a DDT from Tessmacher to put both girls down. Tessmacher takes Tara down and nips right back up, followed by a top rope rana (decent one too) but Tara blocks the Tesshocker. Widow’s Peak and Tara gets the completely clean pin at 6:18.

Rating: D. The rana looked good and the girls looked good in their outfits, but thank goodness Tara won here. Tessmacher is just worthless as champion and hasn’t changed a bit since she won the belt the first time. Tara has had the belt before but at least she’s better than Tess, but most people would be.

Tara introduces the boyfriend: Jesse Godderz from Big Brother. To the shock of no one, there is zero reaction. He’s been training in OVW for like a year and has won five tag titles there. Tara and Jesse make out in the ring. Crowd: “WHO ARE YOU?”

Tara and Jesse would spend the next few months together before Tara left TNA over a pay dispute.

Tara is one of the few Knockouts/Divas that had both the looks and the wrestling ability. She could have good matches with just about anyone she worked with and that’s a rare thing to see anymore. The stuff with Lita and Trish was always great and she was able to help the Knockouts division get beyond the Beautiful People. She’s very talented and looks great for a woman in her 40s so there’s little to complain about with her.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

We’ll stay in TNA today with someone a bit better looking than Sabin: Madison Rayne.

The first match I have is a rarity, as I have no idea when or where it’s from. It’s from September 2006 at the latest and might be from Ohio Championship Wrestling but I’m really not sure. Madison is of course Lexi Lane.

Lexi Lane vs. Traci Brooks

Both girls appear to be faces here and they’re in a high school gym. Both girls try quick rollups for two each and it’s a standoff. Signs suggest this is Hopewell, Ohio, which apparently is a big city for Ohio Championship Wrestling. They hit the mat with Lane putting on a body scissors and rolling Traci (nearly falling out of her top) around for two.

Traci gets spanked into the corner and the fans are far more into the match all of a sudden. Brooks takes her down for some of her own medicine and the referee gets some as well. Lexi takes her to the mat with a headlock but Brooks fights up and gets two off a backbreaker. The referee is accused of looking at Traci’s chest instead of counting before they trade strikes in the corner. Lexi gets two off a clothesline to the ribs (called a spear) followed by some weak forearms. A bad looking X Factor gets the same and Lane goes up for a cross body, only to have Traci roll her through for the pin with a handful of trunks.

Raitng: D+. It was clear that both of them were brand new here and at that point you can’t blame them for not working so well. When you’re that young the main thing you need is ring time and this is the place to get it. They’re clearly still learning the basics and there’s nothing wrong with that.

After getting her start in Shimmer as Ashley Lane, Madison made her debut in TNA in early 2009. She soon joined the Beautiful People with Velvet Sky and Angelina Love and made her PPV debut in a six person tag at Destination X 2009.

Beautiful People vs. Roxxi/Taylor Wilde/The Governor

Yes, the Governor is the Sarah Palin character that Daffney played. What is up with TNA being all political? There are still three Beautiful People at this point: Angelina, Velvet and Madison. At least Wilde looks good here. Governor (in a pantsuit) vs. Velvet to start. The fans chant yes we can because the Orlando fans are rather annoying.

Off to Roxxi and then to Taylor. The non-beautiful ones are tagging in really fast here. Apparently Madison is just now an official member of the BP. Velvet locks in an Octopus Hold to Roxxi who escapes and kicks her in the face. Sign: “Botchmania 71 = this match.” It’s pretty clear the fans aren’t that into this but that’s to be expected.

It’s one of those matches where stuff is happening but there isn’t anything to talk about. Taylor is called the upset queen still despite that being like two years prior to this. Taylor comes in and cleans house as this is one of the least interesting matches I’ve seen in years. Everything breaks down and the Governor dives over the top to the floor to take out everyone not named Madison on the other team. Madison gets caught in a bridging German by Wilde to end this.

Rating: D. What the heck was the point of this? You hear the term “TV match” a lot and this is the definition of one. Nothing at all about this match implies that it should be on a PPV in the slightest and yet here it is, opening the show. You can tell a lot about a PPV and how much effort is put into it by the opener and this one was awful. No one cared, nothing happened and it was short. Weak match indeed and I’m not looking forward to the rest of this show at all now.

 

 

The Beautiful People would dominate the Knockouts division in the coming years but they needed some gold. One of their attempts to gain some would come at Turning Point 2009 in a six Knockouts tag with the singles and Tag Titles on the line.

 

Knockout Title/Knockout Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. ODB/Taylor Wilde/Sarita

All titles on the line here and the non-beautiful people are champions. No word on how the titles are split up if one of the three pins a tag champion (Wilde/Sarita). You know I wonder what ODB stands for. I think I’ll see what I can come up with (and spare me the comments saying what it stands for. I know already and I need something to get me through this match). The Beautiful People here are Velvet, Lacey and Madison here. Velvet vs. Wilde to start us off but it’s off to Sarita quickly. Ok make that Department of Bacon. We’re less than a minute in and they’ve all been in already.

Headbutt to the ribs gets two for Date of Birth. Madison comes in and does the touch yourself and burn your finger thing. Instead here though she has to go over to the corner and has Velvet blow on it. I guess men and women both want to be blown by her. The delay allows Original Daniel Bryan to bring in Sarita to fight Madison. The tag champions set up a double team moonsault (belly to back release into a moonsault by Taylor) for two.

Madison takes over and it’s off to Madison. After mounting Wilde she throws on a chinlock for about 2 seconds and hammers away a bit more. The fans say Lacey can’t wrestle so we’re back off to Velvet. Octopus hold goes on for a few seconds so the announcers can make Inoki jokes. An elbow breaks the hold and it’s cold tag to Board of Directors. After a fallaway slam to Velvet everything breaks down. They triple team Operation Break Dance which fails completely. TKO ends Madison.

Rating: D. Weak match here that had no point at all being on the PPV. This is what Impact is for: six minute matches with hot women doing nothing of note for the entire match. Also, is there a reason to keep the titles on there? Oxford Dictionary of Britain doesn’t get us anywhere as champion. Angelina would be back soon which helped the division a lot. Anyway, weak match.

 

 

Rayne would get her own singles title at Lockdown 2010 in another six person tag with all titles on the line.

 

Knockout’s Title/Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. Tara/Angelina Love

Ok so it’s your standard two singles wrestlers vs. tag champions. You know the rules I’m sure. Yep Tara is gorgeous. Velvet and Angelina start us off. Taz is rather annoying on commentary to say the least. Some nice double teaming from the BP there. Make jokes amongst yourselves. Tara pulls an Angle and totally misses a moonsault. Good to see that the accuracy is there still.

Angel is better in the ring than she’s given credit for. Madison takes the Widow’s Peak but Velvet makes the save. Lacey gets in somehow and drills Tara in the head with a belt to give Madison Rayne the Knockout’s Title. So that’s two straight title changes with the champion not getting pinned. Ok then. I do love the BP being the focus of the division. That’s intelligent and not sarcastic actually.

Rating: C-. Not terrible actually. Love is underrated in the ring and Tara is always solid. The booking is right here and we don’t get the wacky tag partners which is never any good. Madison being champion is something new that could be worth a try. I’m rather happy for the first near hour of this show. I must be coming down with something.

Madison would win her third Knockouts Title when she made Tara lay down for her on October 14, 2010’s Impact. Since that’s a 4 second match, we’ll look at one of her title defenses at Genesis 2011 against Mickie James.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne

 

Mickie is still insanely sexy.  Madison is doing the whole classy chick gimmick thing again after debuting it a few days ago.  Or was it ten days ago?  Does it really matter?  Madison runs away to start but gets caught in an armdrag for two.  All Mickie to start of course as Madison shrieks.  Madison runs as Tazz makes sex jokes.

The fans say Madison can’t wrestle.  I’m so fed up with them it’s unreal.  Madison uses the ropes to get two in the corner.  This is about as uninteresting as it could be but they’re both hot so that helps a lot.  Rana out of the corner by Mickie drops the champion on her head.  Since it’s TNA we change camera angles every 9 seconds.

Cravate by Madison as we’re killing time now.  There’s a chinlock as this is going way too long, nearly at 9 minutes now.  Mickie gets a nice counter and a rollup for two.  Boot to the head gets two for Madison.  Champ tries the head bounce thing she does but Mickie counters into a wheelbarrow slam for two.  DDT is reversed and Madison gets spanked.

Thesz Press gets no cover.  Mickie sets for the DDT but here’s Tara because she and Mickie haven’t spent enough time together already.  Madison plays possum and loads up her arm with something to get the pin to retain the title.  For the love of crap get the title off of her already.

Rating: D. This got nearly 14 minutes.  Do I need to explain to you why this was a bad idea?  It wasn’t any good for the most part as Mickie dominated the whole time.  I’m bored out of my mind with Madison and her reign as she does nothing interesting while Mickie and Tara are definitely the best girls on the roster.  But hey let’s keep pushing through with the same thing the whole time right?  Bad match.

The only thing left for Madison to achieve was a Knockouts Tag Title and she would get a shot on the November 3, 2011 episode of Impact.

Knockout Tag Titles: Tara/Brooke Tessmacher vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

 

Time for the monthly defense of the titles. Brooke’s outfit is designed like a Texas flag for some reason. She and Madison start us off but it’s off to Tara quickly. The arm work begins as the champions are tagging fast. Gail comes in and is all dominant and evil for a bit. Tessmacher’s corner hijinks don’t really work this time. Gail beats on Brooke a bit more until it’s a hot tag to Tara. Everything breaks down and there’s the Widow’s Peak. Karen Jarrett has the referee though and Eat Defeat gives us new champions at 5:05.

 

Rating: D+. It’s not like anyone cares about the belts, but this is what you do with the titles here as they’re actually having a division wide angle going on. Karen is evil and trying to have her girls get the titles. It’s not particularly interesting but a dull story is better than a repetitive one on a treadmill like the Divas have so this was fine, just not that interesting.

Madison would be gone for most of 2013 due to getting pregnant, but she would get the Knockouts Title one more time before the end of the year at Hardcore Justice 2012.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Miss Tessmacher

Tessmacher is defending. They shove each other around to start and Earl is refereeing. WHY WOULD STING LET HIM DO THAT? Madison takes over by sending Tessmacher into the corner and then launches her across the ring by the hair. That has to hurt like no other. Tessmacher comes back with some clotheslines but walks into a northern lights suplex for two. The real comeback starts with some clotheslines but that mat slam of Tessmacher’s is countered. The champ slams her down by the hair and hits a top rope elbow for two. Out of nowhere Madison grabs a rollup and uses the ropes for the pin and the title at 5:30.

Rating: D. This was your usual Knockouts match: not that good but the girls look good in their little outfits. Hebner didn’t cheat at all in this which makes the sights of Madison kissing him COMPLETELY POINTLESS. Yes I get that it could mean something later, but WHY DID I HAVE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Not a terrible match but man alive I do not care about women’s wrestling at all in either company. It’s just dull all around.

We’ll close things out with Madison’s return to the company in 2013 after having a baby and a title shot against Knockouts Champion Gail Kim from Genesis 2014.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

Madison is challenging but is still beaten down from the attack from before the break. Kim beats her down even more by stomping away in the corner but Madison comes back with a rollup for two of her own. Madison can’t shake off all of the punishment from earlier though and staggers down off a forearm to the head. A shoulder block sends the champion to the floor but Tapa runs Madison over and chokes her down. Tapa is finally ejected but Gail does just fine by putting on the Figure Four around the post. The referee breaks it up and Rayne comes back with a flapjack and the Rayne Drop for the pin and the title at 4:00.

Rating: D. Just a match here but at least it ended the less than enthralling Gail Kim title reign. Kim is very talented in the ring but she’s a black hole of charisma, making her title reigns very difficult to sit through. Rayne could be an improvement if she’s actually given the chance to do something different.

I’m kind of surprised by how low most of these ratings are. Madison is a better worker than a lot of the Knockouts but it’s true that she owes a lot of her job to her looks. To be fair though, she can only do so much with limited talent around her. One other thing: you might have noticed the lack of stories here and that’s a big problem for the Knockouts. Almost all they have are title matches with nothing connecting them and that gets old in a hurry.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HY4NV7Y

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

World Cup of Wrestling
Date: December 7, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s another One Night Only show but at least this time there’s a fresh idea to it. See, this time instead of a tag tournament or a singles tournament, it’s an international tournament. It’s in the vein of the World X Cup if you remember that from WAY back in the day. It’s an interesting idea but I’m not sure if it’s going to be all that interesting. This is TNA so I can’t imagine it being so. Let’s get to it.

We open with the highlight reel of stuff we haven’t seen yet. The four teams are USA, United Kingdom, International and Aces and 8’s. It looks like there’s a singles guy, a tag team, an X-Division guy and a Knockout each.

JB explains the rules: There will be eight matches with the winners receiving one point apiece. The teams with the most points advance to an eight man elimination tag for the cup.

Here are the teams, in order of X-Division, Knockouts, tag team and singles.

United Kingdom – Rockstar Spud, Hannah Blossom, Rob Terry/Douglas Williams, Magnus

International – Sonjay Dutt, Lei’D Tapa, Petey Williams/Funaki, Judas Mesias (from AAA in Mexico)

USA – Kenny King, Mickie James, Bad Influence, James Storm

Aces and 8’s – Wes Brisco, ???, Doc/Knux, Mr. Anderson

The Aces and 8’s will introduce their Knockout later, even though she was already shown on the opening video. On paper the USA team should dominate this.

Video on Team UK with each member getting a mini profile. Basically it’s a British Boot Camp and British Invasion reunion.

Magnus says he’s motivated tonight and he’s standing up for what is right. Tonight, it’s right for him to go to work.

Mr. Anderson (Aces and 8’s) vs. Magnus (UK)

Anderson takes him into the corner to start and shakes his head at Magnus. The Brit shoves Anderson into another corner and slaps Anderson in the face as the match stays in first gear. They slug it out until Anderson’s cross body is caught in midair for a modified scoop brainbuster. Anderson goes up top and as Magnus comes over to stop him, gets his arm snapped over the top rope to put Magnus down.

Mr. goes after the arm and bars it on the mat for a bit. A shoulder block gets a pair of near falls on Magnus and he gets whipped hard into the corner. Off to a hammerlock into a slam down onto the arm for two. Back to the armbar as Anderson is in full control. Tazz talks about Magnus being a metrosexual for some reason as the Brit charges into a boot in the corner. A double clothesline puts both guys down but it’s Anderson up first, stomping Magnus down in the corner.

Magnus’ arm is slammed onto the apron but he comes back with a knee to the face and a clothesline with the good arm. The top rope elbow gets two but Anderson comes back with a hot shot for no cover. Mic Check is countered and Magnus hits that Michinoku Driver of his for the pin and the first point.

Rating: C. Basic match here but it was a nice win for Magnus. The arm work was a decent enough story for the match, even though it didn’t play into the ending at all. The match didn’t have much heat but at least Magnus got a clean pin, which is what a glorified jobber to the stars like Anderson is good for.

UK – 1 (3 matches remaining)

USA – 0 (4 matches remaining)

International – 0 (4 matches remaining)

Aces and 8’s – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Video on Team USA in the same style as earlier with everyone getting a quick profile.

Kenny King (USA) vs. Sonjay Dutt (International)

King takes him into the corner to start and talks a lot of trash. The fans are behind King here even though he’s a heel at the moment. You have to love good old fashioned xenophobia. King takes him down with a headlock but Dutt counters into one of his own. Off to an armbar for a bit before Dutt sends him to the floor for a big flip dive. Back in with King dropkicking Dutt off the top as Tazz talks about moving Team International’s headquarters in a joke that goes on WAY too long.

King hooks a chinlock but Dutt fights up and puts on an octopus hold of all things. It looks good but doesn’t last long as King flips him over and gets two off some right hands. Back to the chinlock from King as Tazz keeps talking about Scandinavia for some reason. Dutt jawbreaks his way out of the hold and drops King with a jumping elbow to the jaw. A tornado DDT gets two on King and a slingshot splash gets the same.

The fans chant USA as you would expect them to do as King breaks up Sliced Bread #2. King catches a cross body in a spinning Irish Curse backbreaker for two. Dutt’s throat is snapped across the top rope and a springboard kick to the face gets two. King tries a reverse AA but Dutt flips out and rolls him up for two. A standing Sliced Bread #2 looks to set up Dutt’s moonsault double stomp but King rolls away and hits a running knee to the chest for the pin.

Rating: C+. Cut two minutes or so out of this and it’s much better. This was a much more fast paced match as you would expect but it dragged a bit in the middle. The current state of the X-Division continues to make me shake my head as the title is never defended and guys like these two never make it to TV at all. Such a shame.

USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)

UK – 1 (3 matches remaining)

International – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Aces and 8’s – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Team International says they’re going to turn things around. Well Funaki says he’s #1 but you get the idea.

Hannah Blossom (UK vs. Lei’D Tapa (International)

Blossom is a normal sized girl so this is power vs. speed. Tapa shoves her around to start and drives Blossom into the corner as Tenay and Tazz have one of their TOTALLY NATURAL moments of banter. Hannah gets an awkward looking cross body for two but gets kicked in the face to get us back to the natural order of things. Tapa slams her down as Tazz gets a text from Judas Mesias, saying where the party is when Team International wins. Blossom gets caught in a chinlock but fights up with some clotheslines to no effect. A high cross body gets two for Hannah but gets caught in the fireman’s carry Stunner for the pin for Tapa.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash which makes sense given who was in there but it doesn’t make the match any more interesting. Even worse though was the commentary as they were practically going out of their way to be annoying and unfunny. I don’t know if someone is telling them what to say but good grief I’d hope they’re not this naturally irritating.

International – 1 (2 matches remaining)

USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)

UK – 1 (2 matches remaining)

Aces and 8’s – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Tazz declares the leader board to be lazy for reasons of general stupidity.

Aces and 8’s say they’re taking over the world tonight. Their Knockout is Ivelisse from Gut Check.

Video on Aces and 8’s which is a recap of the team’s history instead of profiles.

Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)

Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.

The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.

An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.

Aces and 8’s – 1 (2 matches remaining)

International – 1 (1 match remaining)

UK – 1 (2 matches remaining)

USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)

Video on Rockstar Spud, including an endorsement from Hogan.

Wes Brisco (Aces and 8’s) vs. Rockstar Spud (UK)

Brisco pie faces Spud to start and the far smaller guy gets right in Wes’ face. Spud is a face here despite being a heel by the time this aired. Wes easily takes him down and puts on a chinlock before hitting a hard clothesline for two. Spud comes back with a dropkick and some right hands in the corner, only to be dumped out to the floor. Back in and we hit a chinlock as Tazz calls him Rockspar Stud.

A neckbreaker gets two on Spud and it’s off to a cravate. That’s too British for Brisco so it’s back to the good old American chinlock. Spud fights out and dropkicks Brisco out to the floor to set up a big flip dive over the top. The fans are actually behind Spud as he gets two off a high cross body. Brisco just shakes it off and powerslams Spud for the pin.

Rating: C-. Basic match here but at least it was a bit shorter than the other ones we’ve sat through so far. Brisco is a guy with some talent but he was stuck paling around with Bischoff for so long. Spud is far better as a heel who annoys everyone and his in ring stuff is only ok at best.

Aces and 8’s – 2 (1 match remaining)

International – 1 (1 match remaining)

UK – 1 (1 match remaining)

USA – 1 (3 matches remaining)

Bad Influence talks about great Americans, like George Washington, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and George Jefferson. “It took a lot of strength and work for him and Weezie to move up to the east side.” Tonight they’ll cement their names in American history with other greats like Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln and Spider-Man. Daniels even sings a little America the Beautiful. He says he’s sexually delicious like a bowl of Horny Charms and you have permission to worship them. Absolutely hilarious stuff and the fact that So Cal Val looked great in a low cut blue blouse helped quite a bit.

Bad Influence (USA) vs. British Invasion (UK)

It’s Terry and Williams for the Brits here. Bad Influence is WAY over as a face team here which is bizarre to see but fits perfectly well. Terry starts with Kaz and the smaller guy climbs the corner to escape a headlock. The power is a bit too much for Kaz so he rolls (completely unnecessary, making it all the more appropriate) to the corner for the tag to Daniels. Christopher doesn’t want him either but comes in to bounce off Terry a few times.

Williams comes in with some clotheslines and a freaky looking double arm hold (Daniels’ arms were wrapped around Williams’ legs) into a rollup for two. Back to Terry vs. Kaz as Rob cranks on the arm. Daniels and Williams quickly come back in with Chris being armbarred down like it’s nothing. Bad Influence finally cheats a bit, allowing Daniels to STO Williams down to take over.

Kaz comes in with a clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock. Daniels comes in behind the referee’s back as the dynamic of the match gets even more and more confusing. Williams tries to fight out of the corner with forearms but walks into a Daniels clothesline to put him back down. Daniels kicks away at Douglas and puts on a chinlock to slow things down. Williams comes back with a jumping elbow to the jaw for two and there’s the hot tag to Terry.

A double clothesline puts Bad Influence down and we get a double belly to back suplex of all things. That looked awesome. Terry hits a tilt-a-whirl powerslam on Kaz to set up a top rope knee drop from Williams but Daniels makes the save. A top rope European uppercut puts Kaz down but Daniels breaks up the Rolling Chaos theory. Bad Influence gets in a quick High/Low for the pin on Williams for the point.

Rating: C+. This was probably the best match of the night so far but the face/heel dynamic hurt it a lot. Bad Influence was over because of the USA idea but the Brits were wrestling as faces. It doesn’t help that Williams hasn’t been seen in forever and Terry had been a heel other than a quick face run against Robbie E which may or may not have even happened when this was taped.

USA – 2 (2 matches remaining)

Aces and 8’s – 2 (1 match remaining)

International – 1 (1 match remaining)

UK – 1 (0 matches remaining)

The Brits are officially eliminated.

Video on Mickie James, including something about her country music push as a heel.

Mickie James (USA) vs. Ivelisse (Aces and 8’s)

To say Ivelisse looks hot as the biker in leather is the understatement of the night. How in the world does she not have a job? They circle each other to start until Mickie grabs the arm and takes Ivelisse down. Ivelisse is sent into the ropes for a breather as Taz starts to sing for no apparent reason. James hooks a headlock and Ivelisse bails to the floor. Back in and Ivelisse takes Mickie down and pounds away for two.

Mickie gets choked on the ropes but escapes from a wristlock to dropkick Ivelisse down for two. James pounds away in the corner but gets sent shoulder first into the post. Ivelisse gets a VERY delayed two count and a backbreaker gets the same. The kickouts are frustrating Ivelisse so she hooks a chinlock. James fights up and scores with some clotheslines followed by a neckbreaker for two. Mickie goes up top but here are the Aces to shove her off, giving Ivelisse the easy pin.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing special but there is no reason why Ivelisse doesn’t have a job in TNA. She looks great, she has some MMA style to her and she would be a nice breath of air to a division that hasn’t had a new face in a long time. Mickie was her usual self here even though she’s gone soon.

Aces and 8’s – 3 (0 matches remaining)

USA – 2 (1 match remaining)

International – 1 (1 match remaining)

UK – 1 (0 matches remaining)

Now, to prove how little thought TNA puts into these things, here’s the Ultimate X match that determined the winner of the World X Cup from the summer of 2008.

Ultimate X: Kaz (America) vs. Volador Jr. (Mexico) vs. Naruki Doi (Japan) vs. Daivari (International)

 

This is for four points apparently, so more or less the winner wins everything, making the entire previous three rounds totally pointless. Daivari is allegedly predictable in this. Ok then. West thinks Kaz is the favorite because of his experience letting him know that he’ll know how to win earlier. YOU CLIMB UP AND GRAB THE FREAKING X! How hard is this?

 

Daivari wisely goes after Kaz’s arm. That makes the most sense here if nothing else. Oh and only Kaz is a face here. We can’t have nice foreigners! West says Kaz is close to being a world champion. Oh the comedy! Oh and also, great idea on telling us to stop watching your show so we can go get our computers to vote on something on the show later on. In other words, a stipulation for later on in the night is more important than the match you’re watching at the moment. Volador is pretty fun to watch. Kaz manages to get above the X and almost unhooks it but Daivari makes the save.

 

It worked as it’s not like Kaz had a long time up there like in a ladder match so it didn’t look completely ridiculous which is a very nice difference. Also he used his legs to get there so he kept selling the arm from earlier. In a MIND BLOWING spot, Daivari is going across a cable with his back facing the ring so he’s looking up at the ceiling. Kaz climbs up to the metal thing that holds up the cables and JUMPS off of it, crashing down with a clothesline onto Daivari and killing himself in the process. That was INCREDIBLE. It also lets Volador go up and get the X for the win and the Cup.

 

Rating: B. This was another great high impact battle that worked perfectly for what it was supposed to do. I wasn’t sure who was going to win and I was thinking it would have been Team TNA but a surprise is always good. This was your usual crazy spotfest but it worked quite well.

Now that the time filler is over, back to modern times.

James Storm likes the idea of his team depending on him and mentions Ricky Morton for some reason.

Mesias (International) vs. James Storm (USA)

This should be interesting. Mesias punches Storm into the corner to start but James comes back with right hands of his own. They head outside for more punching with Mesias being whipped into the barricade. Storm rams him into various other metal objects until they head back inside for a Mesias powerslam. A clothesline in the corner staggers Storm as we actually talk about Mesias being in TNA before.

Storm’s comeback is stopped by a pull of the hair but he grabs a quick Russian legsweep to get a breather. An atomic drop and bulldog drop Mesias and there’s the enziguri in the corner for two. Mesias hits a quick Downward Spiral for two and a clothesline gets the same. The frustration sets in for Mesias and Storm makes it worse by winning a slugout. Mesias jumps over Storm in the corner but turns into the Last Call for the pin and the spot in the elimination match for USA.

Rating: C-. Sluggish match here but there’s something awesome about winning a match with a superkick. Mesias is someone I’d like to see come back to a major American company but he seems content to just do his thing in Mexico. At least Storm gets a big win in the clutch for once.

Final standings:

USA – 3

Aces and 8’s – 3

UK – 1

International – 1

We recap the matches so far tonight.

Team USA vs. Aces and 8’s

James Storm, Kenny King, Bad Influence, Mickie James

Mr. Anderson, Wes Brisco, Doc, Knux, Ivelisse

Elimination rules and even the girls are in this one. Mickie and Ivelisse get things going but Ivelisse tags in Doc instead of fighting. Doc gets a slap instead of a kiss and it’s off to Daniels. Chris gets caught in the corner but scores with a back elbow before bringing in Kaz for some good old American double teaming. Kaz tags out to King who doesn’t do as well, getting caught in a full nelson, allowing for some shots by Anderson. Kenny gets a quick two off a clothesline before it’s back to Kaz for some forearms.

Anderson gets in a knee to the ribs and it’s off to Brisco who is taken into the American corner. I say American even though everyone in the match is American (Ivelisse is from Puerto Rico which is part of America). Bad Influence double teams Brisco in the corner and the other three partners come in for five straight splashes in the corner. Aces and 8’s just let this happen and a double suplex from Bad Influence gets a two count.

Off to King who puts Wes in a chinlock and a back elbow to the jaw for two. A jawbreaker sends Brisco to the apron but he counters a suplex into a cross body with Ivelisse holding Kenny’s leg for the pin. Daniels comes in for some hip thrusting, prompting Taz to ask why Bad Influence likes having sex with the air. Storm comes in and pounds away before it’s back to Kaz for a spinning springboard legdrop for two.

Brisco gets a knee up in the corner to stop a charging Daniels and tags in Ivelisse for some reason. Mickie pulls her in and beats on Ivelisse like she stole something. The beating continues until Mickie misses a charge into the post, only to come back with a clothesline. A top rope Thesz perss eliminates Ivelisse but Brisco comes in with a quick rollup to eliminate Mickie. Storm comes in just as fast and Backstabs Brisco for the pin.

We’re down to Storm/Bad Influence vs. Anderson/Doc/Knux and it’s Storm vs. Knux in the ring. The bikers get Storm into the corner for some triple teaming before Doc comes in and pounds away. James fights out of the corner and makes the tag off to Kaz, who catches Knux coming in with a dropkick. A slingshot DDT puts Knux down and Daniels’ BME is enough for the pin.

It’s Doc in next and the Americans speed things up with some double teaming in the corner. Kaz dropkicks Doc but can’t put him down, only to get caught by a big uppercut. Off to Anderson who puts on an armbar as a transitional move, which is a big reason why limb psychology is dying. A neckbreaker drops Kaz for two but he gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charging Anderson. Both guys hit cross bodies at the same time and we get a breather.

The double tag brings in Storm and Doc as everything breaks down. Daniels holds Anderson’s arms but Storm accidentally hits Chris in the face. That’s enough being nice for Bad Influence and they walk out, leaving Storm two on one. Anderson drops some knees into Storm’s back for two and it’s back to Doc for more powerful right hands. We hit the chinlock again but James fights up with some right hands to the ribs. The Aces try some double teaming but Storm sends them together and rolls Anderson up for the pin. Last Call takes Doc’s head off and Storm wins for the good old USA.

Rating: B-. This was good stuff and Bad Influence steals yet another match. The eliminations made sense here and made Storm look good to close things out. He’s a guy who needs that kind of a push more than anyone else so having him win again here is certainly a good thing.

Bad Influence comes out to celebrate and get beaten up as well. Dude Daniels pinned Knux. Show some gratitude already. Storm and James get the cup to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this way more than I expected to. Now of course there are some issues with it (old match, continuity being thrown out the window), but at the end of the day this is a fifteen dollar special and shouldn’t be held to the same standards as a major PPV. The idea for the show was a good one as well and felt like something of interest rather than just something they threw together. If you can ignore some of the flaws and just get into the competition and matches, you’ll have a good time with this. It’s pretty easily the best One Night Only to date.

Results

Magnus b. Mr. Anderson – Michinoku Driver

Kenny King b. Sonjay Dutt – Running knee to the chest

Lei’D Tapa b. Hannah Blossom – Fireman’s carry into a Stunner

Doc/Knux b. Funaki/Sonjay Dutt – Hammer shot to Funaki

Wes Brisco b. Rockstar Spud – Powerslam

Bad Influence b. British Invasion – High/Low to Williams

Ivelisse b. Mickie James – Pin after Wes Brisco shoved James off the top

James Storm b. Mesias – Last Call

Team USA b. Aces and 8’s – Superkick to Doc

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

So the big stories at the moment are Hogan possibly leaving after October 1, TNA possibly taking Impact off the road by the spring and Mickie James’ contract expiring and her walking away.  We’ll lump these together into one post and say…..1. This is I believe the third time in four years that it appears Hogan won’t be at Bound For Glory no matter what I believe?  At the end of the day, Hogan is probably more trouble than he’s worth.  I’d assume he’s the highest paid guy in TNA and he’s on TV about five minutes a week anymore.  I doubt Hogan is leaving forever, but I can’t imagine he won’t be at BFG.

2. Impact off the road would probably be a good thing.  It has to cost a good deal of money for them to change venues every other week and with only four regular PPVs a year, the financial burden must be weighing them down.  Yeah it’s annoying to have it in the same place every week, but if it’s what keeps them financially sound, so be it.

3. Mickie James leaving puts them at four active Knockouts: ODB, Velvet Sky, Gail Kim and Tessmacher, who hasn’t been in a match for months now.  Taryn is on maternity leave and will be gone for months.  But remember people: Ivelisse just doesn’t have what it takes to be on Impact.  All she has are looks, ability, charisma and in ring abilities, plus an appeal to the Latino demographic.  Just not worth it.

 

In short, TNA is in a big state of flux at the moment and it’s hard to say where it comes out.  It should be interesting though.

Knockout Knockdown
Date: September 6, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s time for another one of these shows because having four months between regular PPVs is perfectly fine in TNA. Tonight’s theme is pretty obvious: it’s all about the girls with a bunch of singles matches and the winners going into a battle royal to determine who is the best Knockout EVER. In other words, it’s the same one idea show as the tag team and X-Division shows. Let’s get to it.

The opening video basically says it’s all about the Knockouts and that’s it. Oh and it’s produced by Brooke Hogan so she can get her name on something else.

All of the Knockouts come to the ring to open the show. A lot of these girls are from OVW or have never appeared in TNA before. They’re here for a speech from Brooke to make sure we know she exists. She explains the tournament like it’s a regular tournament despite everything else I can find saying it’s a battle royal at the end with the winners of the previous match.

We get a clip from Bound For Glory 2007 where Gail Kim beat Roxxi Leveaux in the final match of a gauntlet match to become the first champion.

Gail Kim is in the back and lists off her accomplishments and says she’ll be the winner tonight. Madison Rayne pops in and says it would be awesome for Gail to become the new Queen of TNA.

Gail Kim vs. Alissa Flash

Flash is more famous as Cheerleader Melissa and Raisha Saed in TNA. Gail grabs a headlock to start as Taz complains about being ranked too low in PWI one year. Now it’s on to the Cauliflower Alley Club as Flash counters into an arm crank, only to have Gail take her down with relative ease. Flash comes back with a German suplex to send Gail to the outside for a breather.

A quick chase scene goes nowhere until Gail sends her into the barricade to take over. Back in and Gail chokes away before getting two off a missile dropkick. Off to an Octopus Hold (AJ’s Black Widow, even though the Octopus Hold is normally the name of a different hold entirely) but Flash counters into something resembling the Edgecator. Gail gets to the ropes and manages to kick Flash in the head to escape.

Flash goes nuts for a second and pounds away before taking Gail down with a Samoan drop. Some clotheslines put Gail down and Flash hits some rapid fire punches in the corner. Something like a curb stomp gets two and a missile dropkick gets the same for Alissa. A dragon screw leg whip puts Gail down but Alissa walks into Eat Defeat out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: C+. The abrupt ending aside, this was a nice match. As annoying as Gail has become due to always being on Impact, she can go in the ring when she has someone to work with. Flash was solid out there as well which shouldn’t surprise anyone who has seen her indy stuff. Good stuff here but I have a feeling it’s downhill from this point on.

Video on Lei’D Tapa who has only been wrestling for two years now. She cries because her uncle, the Barbarian, is so proud of her. I think this is her Gut Check video. It still should have been Ivelisse.

We get Ivelisse’s Gut Check video as well. Again, she has more experience, a better look, an MMA background (remember that the Gut Check with her and Tapa was around the time that Ronda Rousey was headlining a UFC show) and is very good looking, but she’s not the Barbarian’s niece so she has no future right?

Ivelisse vs. Lei’D Tapa

Tapa takes her down with ease and sends Ivelisse into the corner. Ivelisse gets all fired up and kicks Tapa back before a kick to the ribs sends Lei’D down. Tapa tries to sit down onto Ivelisse to block a sunset flip but only hits mat. A shot to the ribs takes Ivelisse down and a bad looking slam does the same. Ivelisse chops away but gets clotheslined back down followed by something like an AA for no cover.

Tapa chokes her down and pounds on Ivelisse’s back some more but charges into a kick in the corner. A bad looking rana (since Tapa is a freaking giant) puts Tapa down to the floor and a BIG dive takes her down again. The fans are into Ivelisse, giving TNA even more proof that they screwed up. Back in and Ivelisse puts on a guillotine choke but Tapa swings her forward into a slam for the pin.

Rating: D+. It still should have been Ivelisse. I still see absolutely nothing from her that would make me want to watch another one of her matches. She’s nothing special in the ring, she doesn’t talk that well and the fans don’t care. The ONLY thing she has going for her is her size but she’s not dominant like Kong was. She’s just big and that’s not enough to build a career on. I still haven’t heard a reason I agree with to pick Tapa but it’s another reason to criticize them.

We get a clip from BFG 2012 where Tara won the Knockouts Title and introduced Jesse Godderz as her Hollywood boyfriend.

Tara brags about being awesome and Jesse acts like a jerk of course.

Tara vs. Mia Yim

Yim is another indy chick that I’ve never seen before. Tara shoves her down to start before going to chill next to Jesse. A hiptoss puts Mia down as the announcers ignore the match with one of their stupid conversations about nothing at all. Mia comes back with some hiptosses to send Tara to the floor and a missile dropkick sends her right back outside. We get another chase with Jesse grabbing Mia’s leg to give Tara control.

Tara clotheslines her down for two but Mia Matrixes out of it in a nice counter. We hit the chinlock on Yim but she gets the knees up to block Tara’s standing moonsault. Mia comes back with a bunch of kicks and a Lionsault gets no cover as Mia injures her ribs. Instead a German suplex gets two on Tara but a Jesse distraction causes Mia to miss a corkscrew splash. The Widow’s Peak sends Tara to the battle royal.

Rating: C. Mia didn’t look bad here but there’s only so much you can show in six minutes. That’s part of the problem with this show so far: these matches, other than maybe the opener which has gotten more time than the other matches, feel like they belong on Impact. Granted we’re only 45 minutes in and the show hasn’t been terrible or anything yet.

Video on some campaign called Dare To Be, which is little more than a way to show a swimsuit photo shoot. Nothing wrong with that other than ODB. It basically turns into a music video with a lot of shots of a graphic for the Knockouts website.

Video of Tessmacher winning the Knockouts Title.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Santana

Santana Garrett is another indy chick who is rather good looking. Both girls pose on the corner to start with Tessmacher being more popular. Santana takes over with a quick clothesline and a Russian legsweep for two. Off to a Fujiwara Armbar on Tessmacher but she rolls through and kicks Santana in the head for two. Santana hits a low kick of her own for two and it’s off to a freaky looking double arm submission.

Tess fires off a headbutt and avoids a middle rope cross body before a forearm puts Santana down. A Stinkface annoys Santana so she slams Tess down but a Tajiri handspring into a moonsault hits knees. The Tess Shocker (the belly to back suplex into a face plant) gets the pin on Santana in a quick match.

Rating: C-. Santana is another chick who looked decent out there and Tessmacher was her usual self. You can take that line to mean whatever you like for it to mean. They probably did the right thing here by keeping things short as Tessmacher isn’t the kind of chick you want in a long match. Just have her look good on camera and get out of there quick.

ODB says she’s tough and doesn’t care who she’s fighting tonight. She’s fighting Trinity and promises to out drink her.

Now, for more proof that these are a waste of time, here’s the ENTIRE ODB and Eric Young wedding. Literally, they spent fifteen minutes showing us the ENTIRE SEGMENT. Are they that strapped for cash that they can’t take one of the girls in the three way tonight and thrown a few hundred bucks at some indy chick to give her the biggest match of her career? Instead we get this entire thing which really has nothing to do with the Knockouts. It’s a comedy angle that came and went and that’s about it. Egads what a waste of time.

ODB vs. Trinity

Trinity still looks good. She talks trash to start so ODB rubs her crotch at Trinity to show how classy she is. A clothesline puts Trinity on the floor for our first move in a minute and a half. ODB follows her out and rams Trinity into the apron before a LOUD chop fires the crowd up a bit. ODB uses a handshake to pull Trinity into a clothesline but Trinity takes her down and stomps a bit. This is going nowhere. ODB keeps crawling towards her flask before coming back with another clothesline. She finally gets the flask and goes nuts with a bronco buster for two. The Bam is good for the pin on Trinity to finally end this.

Rating: D. ODB isn’t classy. We get it already. Now do ANYTHING else. Trinity looked great in her attire but was nothing to see in the ring at all. Why I’m supposed to cheer a loud woman who rubs her crotch and can’t function in a wrestling match without alcohol is beyond me, but they’re going to push her forever anyway.

Video on Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell, including their awesome last Knockout standing match.

Taryn Terrell vs. Jackie Moore

In case you’ve never heard my opinion on Moore, we’ll keep it simple and say I wouldn’t mind if she was trampled by stampeding camels. Why she keeps getting spots on shows is beyond me, but I’m sure she can shout really loudly and explain why, because shouting really loudly is just as good as anything else right?

Jackie pounds away but Taryn comes back with an elbow to the face. Terrell pounds away in the corner but Jackie slams her down and calls her Barbie. Some hair drags have Taryn down even more and we hit the chinlock. A back elbow drops Taryn for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and a double clothesline puts both girls down as the crowd isn’t all that interested. Taryn fires off some clotheslines and gets two off a clothesline. A middle rope clothesline puts Jackie down and a spear gets two more. Taryn misses a middle rope bulldog and Jackie dropkicks her down for the pin. Just go with it.

Rating: D. At the beginning of this show, we saw a video of the Taryn vs. Gail match and heard about how great it was. We then got a long video about their entire feud. Instead of having them meet in the main event, WE GET JACKIE FREAKING MOORE BECAUSE SHE’S LOUD AND WRESTLED MEN BEFORE AND THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTING. The match sucked because Jackie Moore exists. Moving on.

Video on British Boot Camp to introduce us to the Blossom Twins.

Hannah Blossom is excited to be here even though her sister Holly is still in England.

Taeler Hendrix vs. Sojournor Bolt vs. Hannah Blossom

Hendrix was a Gut Check chick who got released, Bolt wrestled here for a bit a few years back and Blossom is a British blonde with a twin, both of whom wrestled in OVW for years before the Boot Camp show. Taeler looks great here. Before the match Bolt says since she’s been gone, no one has been bigger, better or blacker. Bolt and Hendrix tease an alliance as the fans chant USA.

We get a three way test of strength to start with Blossom getting double teamed. A double hiptoss puts Hannah down and the argument begins between the “friends”. Hannah rams their heads together to take over, only to have Bolt take her down and grab a leg lock. Hendrix adds a chinlock at the same time to make the Brit scream. Taeler takes off her skirt to reveal some shorts, making the crowd love her even more.

Hendrix and Bolt chop it out as Taz and Tenay make stupid Twitter jokes. Bolt is sent to the floor so Hannah can take over on Taeler. Bolt pulls Hendrix to the floor and hits a Death Valley Driver for two on Blossom. Taeler and Bolt get in a shouting match before Bolt holds Hannah, only to have Taeler run Bolt over. A bicycle kick from Hannah takes Taeler down for the pin.

Rating: C. It’s a shame that Hendrix is gone as the fans were eating her up with a spoon here. Bolt was fine and could work well in TNA and Hannah looked WAY better than I remember her in OVW. This was one of the better matches tonight but again with just five minutes it didn’t have time to go anywhere. At least we saw the wedding though right?

Another music video on the Knockouts.

Jillian Hall vs. Velvet Sky

You probably remember Jillian from her bad singing schtick in WWE which may or may not have been a Brooke Hogan parody. Jillian does the singing bit here which stopped being funny years ago. The fans are entirely behind Velvet as she accuses Jillian of a hair pull. Some forearms stagger Jillian and she charges into a boot in the corner.

Velvet sends her into the buckle over and over and spanks her for good measure. A bulldog gets two on Jillian but she sends Velvet out to the floor. Sky is sent into the steps so Jillian can ram her head into the mat a few times. A backbreaker gets two on Velvet as Taz shouts about Jillian fooling him or some nonsense like that.

Off to an arm crank from Hall before she stomps on Velvet’s back a bit. Sky blocks a suplex and hits a kind of front DDT to put both girls down. Jillian takes over and pounds away but a clothesline is only good for two. Jillian’s handspring elbow is countered into a victory roll but Hall drops down into a rollup for two (think Bret vs. Owen at WM X). Not that it matters as Velvet wins with In Yo Face a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Jillian was always all looks/gimmick and nothing in the ring, which can probably be applied to Velvet as well. The match was nothing of note but Taz and Tenay’s idiotic talking brought it down even further. There was nothing going on here but at least we got to look at Velvet for a few minutes.

Video on Mickie James’ career in TNA, mainly focusing on beating Madison in a cage at Lockdown in about 30 seconds.

Serena vs. Mickie James

Serena is the chick who used to be in the Straightedge Society but now she has long hair which really works for her. I believe this is before Mickie’s heel turn. They hug it out and shake hands to start. Taz: “WHAT THE HECK IS THIS???” Serena takes her to the mat as Tenay and Taz talk about Lance Russell for no apparent reason. Mickie gets caught in a headscissors on the mat but she bounces out, giving the male fans some nice shots. After some nice mat work it’s off to a wristlock by Serena leading to a standoff.

They shake hands again as Taz loudly shouts HARDCORE COUNTRY over and over. Mickie rides Serena on the mat a bit and Serena can’t armdrag out of it. A Jackknife cover gets two for James and an Oklahoma Roll gets the same. Back up and Serena wants a test of strength but Mickie shouts that she has bigger hands than Serena. Mickie takes her down to the mat but Serena bridges up to take over. Now it’s James with a bridge which Serena can’t even break by bouncing down onto her.

Mickie fights up and hits a basement dropkick to send Serena to the floor as this is by far already the best match of the night so far. Back in and Serena offers another handshake but pulls Mickie into a headlock to take over. A back elbow sends Mickie to the floor just like she did to Serena a few seconds ago. Serena blasts Mickie in the face as she comes back in as we have our mid match heel turn. Mickie is slammed head first into the mat by the hair for two and Serena poses a lot.

We hit the chinlock as Taz scores the match for some reason. Back up and Serena misses a charge into the post and Mickie gets a needed breather. They slug it out with both girls throwing haymakers and Mickie taking over. A clothesline puts Deeb down and the top rope Thesz Press (minus the Press) sets up the MickieDT for the pin on Serena.

Rating: B-. This was much better than anything else we had seen so far tonight. Deeb clearly knows what she’s doing out there and the long hair makes her look better than she did bald. I liked the idea of her turning in the middle of the match as it gave the match a bit of a story. Good stuff here.

We recap the show so far to set up the gauntlet.

Gauntlet Match

So apparently it’s the usual Royal Rumble style until we get to the final two where it’s pin/submission for the win. All of the winners from earlier in the night are involved. Hannah Blossom and Gail Kim get us going for presumably two minutes. Gail goes right at Hannah to start and takes her down with a backbreaker. Some corner choking has the Brit in even more trouble as this is one sided so far. Hannah comes back with a quick suplex and an elbow drop for a cover before realizing how the rules work. Not that it matters as Gail knocks her to the apron and then the floor for the elimination.

Lei’D Tapa is #3 after about a minute and fifty seconds, though they probably sped it up for the sake of time. Either that or it’s an actual gauntlet with the next person coming in after an elimination. Gail pounds on her in the corner to start but Tapa comes back with some power choking and a big boot to the face. Tapa can’t get her out due to a rake of the eyes and here’s Tara at #4. Tara goes after Lei’D but can’t lift her up in a fireman’s carry. Tapa takes her over to the ropes but Gail makes the same and the two normal sized girls double team the monster.

Mickie is #5 as Tapa beats on both other girls. James fires off kicks in the corner to the big girl and the other two help her out, only to be shoved away by Tapa. Tenay makes Andre the Giant comparisons and Taz goes off on him for stupidity, despite the comparison making sense. In a bad looking botch, Mickie tries a hurricanrana on Tapa with the other girls helping, only to see Mickie fall to the floor as well. She gets back in and it’s never acknowledged but it looked horrible. Either way it eliminates Tapa as Tessmacher is in at #6.

Tessmacher goes after Tara as Mickie and Gail fight for the 1000th time. Gail is sent to the apron but gets back in as Tara sends Tessmacher to the apron for the same result. Jackie Moore is in at #7 to bring the match down a few pegs. Gail and Jackie stomp on Tessmacher and Mickie kicks at Tara in the corner. ODB is #8 as everyone is laying around. She and Jackie get into it almost immediately before ODB opts to spank Tara a bit. ODB takes a shot from the flash and spits it in Jackie’s face before eliminating her.

Velvet Sky is #8, giving us a final grouping of Gail, ODB, Tara, Mickie, Tessmacher and Sky. Everyone pairs off as this is in full on traditional battle royal formula. Tessmacher kicks Mickie to the apron but can’t get her any further than that. Velvet and ODB wind up on the apron and slug it out with Velvet knocking ODB to the floor for an elimination. Gail easily eliminates Velvet and we’re down to four.

Gail and Tara throw Tessmacher out before double teaming James in the corner. Tara turns on Gail and hits the fireman’s carry into the side slam, allowing Mickie to get back up and hammer on Tara a bit. Mickie throws Tara out to get us down to two, meaning it’s Gail vs. Mickie, first fall wins. Gail is in early trouble and gets caught by the Thesz Press for two. Gail blocks the MickieDT but gets slammed out of the corner, injuring her ankle in the process. Mickie totally falls for it as the trainer comes out, but it’s a ruse (SHOCKING!) as Gail rolls up Mickie with a handful of shorts for the pin and the Miss TNA crown.

Rating: D. This was every gauntlet match you’ve ever seen: slow for the most part with a few nice moments, but for the most part it’s paint by numbers stuff. The ending was nothing special as the “match” was about a minute long with over half of that being spent on the fake injury. Not much to see here but at least it was longer than anything else.

Post match Madison comes out to give Gail her crown. Gail makes Madison leave after being crowned to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Here’s the problem with the Knockouts in general and this show in particular: the roster is so thin that we’ve seen almost all of the main matches ad nauseum. At the time this show aired, I believe there are four or five active Knockouts. Other than Taryn (who lost to the great and mighty Jackie Moore), almost no one new has been added to the division in over a year. There’s just nothing in the division and the final group of people here were the same girls we’ve seen forever. TNA desperately needs to bring in some fresh blood and the Blossoms, Serena, Flash or Ivelisse would be great places to start.

The show was nothing great with most of the matches just not having the time they needed to go anywhere. Also, there was WAY too much filler. I get the idea of a video here or there, but airing the ENTIRE fifteen minute wedding segment plus a bunch of other videos on a two hour and forty minute show is ridiculous. Again, I’m sure you could find one other girl to bring in and make the triple threat a singles match and pad out the show much better. There’s just nothing to see here and the show felt like it was just trying to fill in time until it was over.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 18, 2013
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

We’re getting closer to Slammiversary now but the main question is who challenges Bully Ray next? He’s already taken out Hardy and beaten him again in a rematch, so the next opponent isn’t clear yet. As for tonight, we’ve got AJ Styles vs. James Storm in what would be AJ’s first match in about six months. It should be interesting to see what he’s capable of at the moment. Let’s get to it.

We open with a nice graphic about praying for the Boston bombings.

We get the usual recap to open things up.

Last week after Impact went off the air, Aces and 8’s attacked Hardy with the hammer and he was taken away in an ambulance.

D-Von gives Bischoff and Garrett a pep talk for their handicap match with Angle tonight.

Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco vs. Kurt Angle

We get a quick video package on Bischoff and Brisco being mentored by Angle before turning on him to join the bikers. Brisco starts things off with Kurt easily throwing him around. Angle rams him into a buckle and then throws Wes off to Bischoff for a tag. Kurt easily throws Bischoff around and even tosses Wes to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Angle getting punched down by Bischoff before it’s off to Brisco for a chinlock. Angle suplexes out of it and it’s time to unleash the rest of the suplexes. Both bikers get a few Germans including one to both of them at the same time. That was awesome. Ankle lock to Brisco but here are the other Aces and 8’s to distract the referee and throw Bischoff a chain. One shot with that and Angle is done at 11:03.

Rating: D+. Dull stuff here with Angle having to slow himself WAY down to let the other two keep up with him. Brisco isn’t bad and Bischoff is improving, but that’s not really saying much when you consider how far down he was to start things off. At least they’re winning matches now though.

Post match Bischoff and Brisco hit a double powerbomb on Angle. Anderson says they’re taking over tonight and wishes AJ luck in his match.

Zema Ion and Petey Williams talk about the threeway tonight.

X-Division Title: Kenny King vs. Zema Ion vs. Petey Williams

Ion is knocked to the floor very quickly and apparently the referee now has a camera on his head. King kicks Ion down but gets caught in a quick Canadian Destroyer for two. Ion gets two of his own and the challengers get in an argument. Williams hits a middle rope rana for two but Ion comes back with some shots of his own. King is still down on the floor.

Zema puts on a half crab for a bit until Petey makes a rope. The Destroyer is broken up but Williams dives on King. Petey hits a release german suplex on Ion and a slingshot rana on King. After Ion gets in some generic high flying offense, Petey locks him in the Sharpshooter until King makes the save and steals a pin on Ion to retain at 5:47.

Rating: D. This match exists and I can’t think of much else to say about it. Seriously that’s it. It wasn’t anything exciting, it was nothing we haven’t seen before, there’s no reason to care about any of this match because there’s no issue between any of these guys, and the title is worthless. Nothing to see here at all.

Magnus says he’ll win the TV Title tonight.

The Knockouts are getting their own website.

Brooke Hogan wishes Mickie and Tessmacher luck. Tessmacher tells Brooke she’s here if Brooke needs anything.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Magnus

Knux and Doc jump Magnus on the steps until D-Von comes up to make it 3-1. The big guys give Magnus a double chokeslam but Joe comes out to make the save. No match.

Joe says that he’s getting the title shot against D-Von tonight instead.

We recap the AJ story with him walking out oon TNA and now being offered a spot in both factions.

Video on Velvet Sky’s knee injury.

Mickie James vs. Miss Tessmacher

Winner gets a title match against Velvet. ODB is guest referee again. They go back and forth for a bit with nothing of note going on until things get heated fast. ODB says cool it so Tessmacher grabs a quick rollup for two. Mickie puts on an armbar but Tessmacher is in the ropes. They head to the floor and ODB breaks up another brawl before they go inside again.

Tessmacher pounds away and hits a kind of X Factor out of the corner before giving Mickie a Stink Face. Mickie comes back with a flapjack and the Thesz Press off the top for two. They clothesline each other because this match hasn’t gone on long enough yet. They start slugging it out….and we get a short highlight package of big moves in the match so far. Mickie gets a rollup out of nowhere for the pin at 7:40.

Rating: D+. Business as usual for the Knockouts: two interchangeable chicks have a match for a title shot, then the title shot happens and that’s it. As usual, no story, the match was just ok, and there was nothing memorable about it at all. There is no focus on ANYTHING in the midcard at all and it’s getting really old.

D-Von harasses Joseph Park in the back until Bully jumps Park. Joseph gets choked by a chain and thrown into a shower.

Mickie says it’s time for her to be back.

Here’s Bad Influence for their sales pitch to AJ. Apparently the Bad Influence movie is in production and Morgan Freeman is in talks to play Dixie Carter. However, the important thing is that AJ is about to rejoin the band and they even have a shirt for him. First up though, they want the tag titles back and ask if the champions have the huevos to give them a shot.

Cue Aries and Roode for an interruption. Roode says he and Aries should get the title shot first. Daniels says that would work if Roode wasn’t Canadian because his opinion is only worth 75% of an American’s. Aries makes gay references and the insults start flying too fast to type. Chavo and Hernandez come in and Bad Influence bails. Aries and Roode turn around and get laid out by the champions.

We look at Hardy being injured again and hear from various wrestlers saying they have to unite against the bikers.

Recap of Aces and 8s’ carnage tonight.

Matt Morgan thinks it’s interesting that all this stuff with Aces and 8’s is going on when Hogan isn’t here. He lists off all of Hogan’s mistakes so far.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Samoa Joe

D-Von jumps Joe to start and chokes away with the towel. Joe fires back and pounds D-Von down into the corner as he’s all fired up here. D-Von gets in a shot of his own and starts choking away on the ropes followed by some choking in the corner for good measure. Off to a chinlock but Joe fights up and hits a quick enziguri. He loads up the MuscleBuster but here are Aces and 8’s for a distraction. Anderson hits Joe with a chain and D-Von gets the pin at 3:37.

Rating: D. What in the world are you expecting here? The match was like three and a half minutes long and had a run-in ending. D-Von is beyond worthless at this point but hey, he used to be part of a big time team so he must be worth something right? Nothing to see here for the most part, much like the rest of the matches tonight.

Post match Anderson hits Joe in the face with the knuckles again, seemingly injuring him in the process.

James Storm vs. AJ Styles

AJ turns around to leave but Storm follows him up the ramp and beats him up. A suplex is blocked as is the Eye of the Storm. They trade right hands with Storm knocking Styles back into the ring for the opening bell. Storm pounds away but Styles kicks him down as we take a break. Back with AJ suplexing Storm and putting on a chinlock to slow things down a bit. Storm fights up and hits a kind of TKO for two but gets crotched when trying a superplex. AJ hits a Tree of Woe dropkick for two and here’s Bad Influence to cheer Styles on.

Closing Time hits AJ and a Cactus Clothesline sends them both to the floor. Back in and Storm hits another Closing Time but the Last Call is caught and AJ hooks a rolling let lock for the tap out at 10:54. It looked like a cross between an Indian Deathlock and a half crab. How rare is it to see Storm tap out?

Rating: B-. AJ looked good here which is a good sign given how long he’s been out of the ring for. He looked very crisp and in good shape so at least we don’t have to worry about ring rust. That leg lock wasn’t bad and AJ mostly wrestled heel here, which is fine for a change. Good first step back for Styles.

Post match AJ lays out Bad Influence and leaves the ring for Aces and 8’s to destroy everyone in sight. Ray says that they’re responsible for destroying all of the fans’ heroes like Hardy and Storm. He then contradicts himself by saying it’s all Hogan’s fault. Next week Ray is going to call Hogan out.

Overall Rating: D+. Oh sweet merciful goodness the midcard was on display here and SWEET MERCIFUL GOODNESS was it awful. There are no stories to these matches and the only story going on, which is the Bikers attacking various midcarders, has literally been done before with the same exact people. It’s very clear that the main event is the only thing with any development at all and it’s really dull otherwise. Bad show tonight to say the least.

Results

Wes Brisco/Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle – Bischoff hit Angle with a chain

Kenny King b. Zema Ion and Petey Williams – King pinned Ion after a Sharpshooter from Williams

Mickie James b. Velvet Sky – Rollup

D-Von b. Samoa Joe – D-Von pinned Joe after Anderson hit him with brass knuckles

AJ Styles b. James Storm – Leg Lock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 19, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re moving closer to Against All Odds after last week’s pretty awesome show. Well at least the second hour was. Tonight there’s a big match and it’s actually been advertised. I’m as shocked as you are. It’s a cage match between Mickie James and Madison Rayne to probably blow off their feud stemming from Karen being all evil and crazy. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending from last week’s show.

Here’s Storm to open things up. He likes being #1 contender and he beat the best in the world to do it. Angle may be the best, but on those nights, Storm was that much better. Now he’s got Roode at Against All Odds….and here’s Hardy for a rebuttal. He says he got screwed at the PPV and then again last week. Storm isn’t getting a title shot until Hardy does. They both say they got screwed. Storm: “With all that screwing he must have a lot of child support to pay.”

Here’s Roode who says Storm does in fact get the winner of Hardy vs. Roode, but since there’s no winner, Storm isn’t #1 contender anymore. Hardy got two chances in 5 days and blew them both, so he’s out too. This brings out Sting who says Roode found another loophole. Therefore tonight it’s Storm vs. Hardy and the winner gets Roode at the PPV.

Angelina rants about Eric Young a bit and challenges him to a match later tonight.

Gunner vs. AJ Styles

The announcers keep pushing the idea that Gunner has injured a lot of people. AJ does his usual stuff to start, such as the drop down into a dropkick. Gunner takes over and Tazz actually brings up Flair and AJ’s past relationship. Jumping knee to the face gets two for Gunner. Gunner controls for a bit but AJ comes back with the springboard forearm. Here come Kaz and Daniels with Daniels telling Kaz to do what he’s supposed to do. F5 is countered and Flair pops up on the apron. The distraction lets Kaz deck AJ and a DDT from Gunner gets the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C-. Just a match basically to further whatever is going on with Daniels and Kaz. Kaz being so reluctant is an interesting story but I’d like it to not be Daniels. I mean….it’s been done. Like A LOT. Anyway, decent match and it’s amazing what a character trait did for Gunner. Why did it take them over a year to do it?

Gunner goes for the concrete but AJ gets away.

Magnus is ready for Crimson. Crimson and Morgan come up and Crimson threatens Magnus. Morgan says save it for the ring.

Ray is with Sting and demands a world title match since he hasn’t lost since being a singles wrestler. Sting says no and make an appointment the next time you want to talk to me. Ray kind of threatens him…I think. Sting even lifts the glasses and Ray is mad.

Magnus vs. Crimson

No seconds with either guy. Magnus jumps him to start and hits a clothesline for two. And never mind as Red Sky (a bad one) ends this at 1:10.

Joe comes out post match and beats down Crimson. Morgan finally makes the save. He gets beaten down too and Joe/Magnus stand tall.

Eric young is fascinated by Bellator. A caterer comes up and Eric annoys her by thinking she’s a fighter. He says he doesn’t fight women. ODB comes up and talks about Angelina’s challenge and Eric isn’t happy. Sex is implied.

We get a clip from last week with the Bischoff Hour. Garrett is shown training. He says we’ll find out who’s training him soon.

We recap Mickie vs. Madison. I’m not sure this warrants a cage match but it’s not bad.

Madison freaks out and Gail says let’s just go to the ring.

Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne

Mickie starts fast and rams her into the buckle to start. Powerbomb out of the corner hits and we’re officially longer than the Lockdown match from last year. Seated dropkick gets a delayed two. Mickie hooks something like a choke and Madison is in trouble. Madison escapes and hits a HARD kick to take over. That sounded great. Mickie reverses a whip and we take a break.

Back with Mickie in control again. This has been pretty one sided so far. Mickie takes her down and nips up but Madison sends her into the cage to take over. Madison humps the mat with Mickie’s head between her legs. Somehow that’s a lot less hot than you would expect. Off to the chinlock. Madison has a little American flag patch on her shorts. Not sure why but it looks good there.

Mickie fights up and a neckbreaker from James puts both of them down. They slug it out, won by Mickie. A flying forearm and clothesline put Madison down. Another flapjack attempt is countered and a boot gets two for Rayne. And then Mickie rams her into the cage a few times and the jumping DDT gets the pin at 12:23.

Rating: C. Not bad here but nothing classic. It’s so much better in this division than the Divas, and a lot of that is due to the time. The Divas matches get annoying because they’re just there and gone so fast that they don’t mean anything. The Knockouts don’t have masterpieces but they have matches, which is a big step in the right direction.

Austin Aries talks about what he’s going to talk about and how entertaining he is. I didn’t leave anything out there: he says he’s going to talk about something and how interesting whatever he’ll be saying will be without saying what it is.

Velvet and Tara congratulate Mickie. She says she’s hardcore or something. No idea what the point of this was.

Hardy says that the world title is what it takes to validate everything.

Video on Aries and his domination of the X Division. He talks about how dominant he is and says he needs competition.

Here’s Aries in the arena. He says it’s that time of the month: it’s time for him to brag about being the best in the world after another successful title defense. If he sucks like the audience says, why does he still have this title? There’s no one here to take me on, so maybe he should go around the world to find competition. Cue the returning Alex Shelley, once again with the skunk hair.

He talks about the Guns being injured and how he came back the day Sabin hurt his knee. Shelley wanted to wait on Sabin to get back but Aries has bored him so much that he had to come back. Last time it took a low blow for Aries to beat him. Aries says go wait for Sabin to come back because there’s no point to doing anything else. Shelley says if he’s such a non-threat, Aries should have no issue giving him a title match. Aries says whoa whoa whoa, but you have to earn it. Go find an X Division guy and beat them, then you get your show. Shelley says Aries can pick it.

ODB wants Angelina to get destroyed tonight. Winter jumps her and they brawl with ODB seemingly in control. Winter gets in a shot with a metal something and then whips ODB with a belt.

Angelina Love vs. Eric Young

Let’s get this over with. Eric isn’t sure what to do so he locks up with the referee. Then with a fan. Then he jumps back in. Then he locks up with the referee again. The referee is shoved into Angelina in the corner and Eric counts to four for a near DQ. Angelina kicks him low for the DQ at 1:57. Oh….just no.

ODB with the save but she gets beaten down. Eric sends both evil ones to the floor. ODB kisses him.

Storm says it’s his time to be champion.

James Storm vs. Jeff Hardy

Winner gets Roode at Against All Odds. They quickly go to the mat with Hardy having moderate control. Storm hits a clothesline but is tired already and we take a break. Back with Hardy sending him to the floor and taking over back in the ring. Storm channels his inner Blanchard and hits a slingshot suplex. After a quick chinlock, Jeff starts his comeback and hits the Whisper in the Wind for two.

Now Jeff hooks a chinlock. They’ve been going in a low gear up to this point. Eye of the Storm is countered but Storm hits some freaky release mat slam for two. He loads up the Last Call but Jeff counters into the Twisting Stunner. Here comes the Swanton but Storm breaks it up. A superplex is countered but Storm hits an enziguri to knock Jeff down. Now the superplex hits but both guys are down. And then Bully Ray comes in and hits the referee for the no contest at 13:24.

Rating: C. Not bad but it was clear they were keeping it in low gear until the ending. Ray coming in was foreshadowed pretty clearly and I think they’re going to go with the three or four way main event at Against All Odds, because goodness knows there aren’t enough of those right? Anyway, not much here and the ending was pretty obvious.

Ray beats them both down and beats up referees also, all with the chain. Sting comes out with the bat and beats up Ray, chasing him off to end the show. Or wait is it the end? No it isn’t as Roode comes in and both guys get belt shots.  Roode declares it a no contest and says he’s still champion.  THAT ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was an ok show and that’s about it. They got some stuff set up for Against All Odds….kind of. The problem is that there was no fire to this at all and it felt like a throwaway show. That’s ok as they have a few weeks before the PPV and I’m sure a lot will happen in the UK, but this was still pretty weak stuff. The cage match was ok as was the main event, but it wasn’t anything to remember at all. Not bad, but just kind of there.

Results
Gunner b. AJ Styles – DDT
Crimson b. Magnus – Red Sky
Mickie James b. Madison Rayne – Jumping DDT
Eric Young b. Angelina Love via DQ when Love kicked Young low
Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm went to a no contest when Bully Ray interfered

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 29, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the last show of the year and we have one more Impact after this before we get to Genesis. Unless my memory is off (and it very well may be), there are only two matches set: D-Von vs. Pope and the title match. There are a lot of other matches which you can pretty much assume but I don’t think they’ve been named yet. I’d expect a lot of that tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about the Knockouts situation.

Gail and Madison come to the ring with the latter demanding Tara and Tessmacher get out here now. She says that she needs to get rid of the diseases that Tara and Tessmacher carry around with them. And they’re both fired. Cue Sting and Madison kind of panics. She says she has this under control but Sting says it’s not over until he says it’s over. Madison doesn’t have a legally binding contract like Karen had so she has no power. They get into a funny shouting contest and Gail has to defend against Mickie tonight.

Steiner tells Abyss that they’re the best team out there. Abyss agrees that they’re a team. Ok then.

Wildcard Tag Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Abyss/Scott Steiner vs. AJ Styles/Kazarian

Kaz vs. Steiner start us off but Scott yells at AJ before the match gets going. Nothing happens there so it’s off to the Grand Slam winners. AJ uses strikes and avoids the power. Steiner cheats a bit and Shock Treatment gets no cover on AJ. Steiner comes in and beats on AJ some more but AJ hits a Pele to counter.

Double tag brings in Kaz vs. Abyss in I guess a rematch from the X Title match earlier this year. Man that sounds like forever again. Kaz fires off whatever he can including a springboard tornado DDT for two. Chokeslam is countered into a victory roll for two. The second attempt at a chokeslam puts Kaz down and Abyss knocks AJ into the barricade. He brings in Steiner…and hits him with the Black Hole Slam to send the former Fourtune guys to the finals at 7:50.

Rating: C-. Not a bad tag match but I couldn’t get into it for the most part. Abyss turning on Steiner isn’t really all that shocking and it’s good to see a team that makes sense going to the finals of this thing, although I have a feeling the wacky team is going to wind up winning the thing, because that’s what TNA thinks is the right idea.

Ray comes out to yell at Abyss post match and we take a break.

Post break Ray yells at him and says he’s tired of Abyss being a bully to him and Steiner. Abyss grabs him by the throat and Ray asks him what it’ll take to get him back into Immortal. Abyss wants Ray one on one at Genesis. If Abyss loses, he’s back into Immortal. Ray goes to leave but Abyss stops him. The match is Monster’s Ball.

Sting is with Kurt in the back and they talk about the incident last week in Tennessee. It’s Angle vs. Storm at the PPV and Kurt is getting a tuneup match tonight. It’s with RVD.

Flair and Gunner say Gunner will be great. Gunner is in action later tonight. Flair looks really old. Gunner is looking to put someone in an ambulance tonight.

Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion

It’s the final match in the series and it’s contract on a pole. Well what else would it be? Aries is in on commentary here. The winner of this joins Aries, Kash and Sorensen. According to Aries, Ion has pole experience while being an exotic dancer. Both guys tease going for the pole but it turns into your regular “I go for the pole, you stop me then you go for the pole and I stop you.”

They go to the floor where Nese takes over. Nese goes for the contract but Ion saves. Ion goes for the contract but Nese saves. Nese hits a German off the top but hangs himself in the Tree of Woe. He goes for the contract again but gets shoved into the barricade. And then Ion gets the contract at 4:33.

Rating: D+. Ok then. I mean really, ok then, let’s go to the next match. There’s nothing interesting here at all and now we have a new challenger. There’s nothing different about these two other than Ion has messier hair. The matches were ok and that’s about it. I don’t know what the point of this being a series but whatever.

Gunner vs. Douglas Williams

Total dominance for awhile by Gunner and then they go to the floor. Gunner shoves the referee and it’s a DQ at 1:38.

Williams takes the DDT on the concrete post match.

Roode’s family still doesn’t like him.

Here’s Roode who says it’s no shock that he’s selfish. His friends and family have all turned their backs on him, but tonight he’s brought one of his friends here. This name is Tracy and they’ve been friends for over twenty years. Tracy stands up and gets an ovation for some reason. Roode apologizes for not answering his calls and texts lately. Tracy has been brought here tonight to say whatever he wants.

He talks about how everyone is missing him and wondering where Roode has been. His wife wants to know where he is and his kids want to know why Tracy is driving them to hockey practice. Bobby can still come home. Roode says that back in high school, Tracy was his lackey. Roode says his family’s fifteen minutes of fame are up and goes to leave, then he beats Tracy up. Jeff runs out for the save.

Eric and ODB have more “comedy”.

Angle rants about facing RVD later tonight.

Wildcard Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals: Magnus/Samoa Joe vs. ODB/Eric Young

Eric locks up with Tenay on the way to the ring. See it’s funny. Eric and Magnus start but ODB comes in before there’s any contact. There’s no contact as both circle the other in a flirty manner. Tag off to Eric who strips and comes in. Remember when Joe says Eric was all awesome at Turning Point 07? I don’t think this is what he intended. Joe comes in and has a decent mini-match with Eric. ODB gets launched to the floor and the MuscleBuster sends Joe and Magnus to the finals at 5:14.

Rating: D+. The comedy here wasn’t funny, but it’s Eric Young who does the same nonsense every week. To be fair though, the guy can’t get over without a CRAZY comedy gimmick so he has to do this. Not much here and I have a feeling the random pairing will beat the normal team to get the shot because that’s how TNA works. Nowhere near as bad as it could be though so it’s not much of a complaint.

Mickie says the title match will be interesting.

Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam

So the girls are main eventing? Ok then. Basic stuff to start as neither guy has much of an advantage so far. Rob kicks a lot and hits Rolling Thunder for two. Kurt snaps off a belly to belly for the same and a regular suplex gets two also. After a quick chinlock Van Dam takes over again with some clotheslines. Kurt gets in a shot and tries a superkick but Van Dam takes him down. Five Star misses and there’s the ankle lock. And here’s Storm to superkick Angle for the DQ at 5:17.

Rating: C-. Nothing special at all here but the ending was something that needed to happen. That’s going to be a great match once it happens at Genesis and I can live with Storm losing if they have a third match. Not bad here but they needed a few more minutes to get something special going, which to be fair wasn’t the idea here.

RVD isn’t thrilled with Storm coming out there.

Angle isn’t either.

Storm says he’s coming for Angle.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Gail Kim

Mickie grabs a rollup for two almost immediately. Thesz Press hits and Mickie takes over. Mickie sends her to the floor but misses a baseball slide. A neckbreaker hits though and we take a break. Back with a slugout on the floor won by Gail as they go back into the ring. Gail grabs the arm for some cranking.

Mickie fights back but Gail hooks Inoki’s Octopus Hold. I can’t say I’m complaining about the visual. Mickie rolls into the ropes so Gail tries it again but it doesn’t work as well this time. Ok so maybe it does. After she gets done with that, a missile dropkick gets two for the champ. Eat Defeat is countered and Mickie hits a kick of her own to put both chicks down. Mickie makes her comeback and goes up but Gail heads to the floor. Mickie tries a Thesz Press to the floor but leaves it short so it doesn’t look that great. Her knee is hurt so a masked chick runs in, hits the Rayne Drop on Mickie and Gail get the pin at 14:17.

Rating: C. FAR better Knockout match than the Knockouts or Divas have done lately but still nothing all that great. I’ll give them points for having something else in the main event but the ending kind of sucked, especially given what’s shown post match. Not sure why they went with this to end the year but whatever.

Post match, yep that’s Madison with facepaint.

Overall Rating: C-. I won’t say the show was bad tonight, but it didn’t click for me. Things ran well and the storylines are pretty logical, but for the most part they’re not grabbing me which is probably more preference than anything else. The problem is mainly on top as Roode still comes off as a midcard guy in the main event. Not bad, but not something I was able to get into.

Results
Kazarian/AJ Styles b. Abyss/Scott Steiner – Kazarian b. Steiner after a Black Hole Slam from Abyss
Zema Ion b. Anthony Nese – Ion grabbed the contract
Douglas Williams b. Gunner via DQ when Gunner shoved the referee
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. ODB/Eric Young – MuscleBuster to Young
Gail Kim b. Mickie James – Pin after a Rayne Drop from Madison Rayne

Remember to like me on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall