Joey Janela’s Spring Break: Cluster**** Forever
Date: April 6, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

This is the second half of Spring Break, with a two match card. Naturally this includes a Punjabi Prison match, but the big draw is the Cluster**** Battle Royal, which is only a match with actual structure in the loosest of terms. There will probably be more than fifty entrants with loosely timed intervals, but the real fun is seeing who shows up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the Punjabi Prison match.

Tag Team Titles: Violence Is Forever vs. Juicy Finau/Zilla Fatu vs. Los Macios vs. Bollywood Boyz

Violence Is Forever (Kevin Ku/Dominic Garrini) is defending and Los Macios are Ciclope/Miedo Extremo. The Boyz are carried on fans’ shoulders to the ring, which is surrounded by the bamboo style cage. This is one fall to a finish, meaning it’s not quite a Punjabi Prison match but I’ll take what I can get under the circumstances.

Fatu and Finau clean house to start, with Finau and Garrini fighting to the floor (as in outside of the cage) where Garrini gets beaten up. Los Macios hit Ku with a double flapjack but can’t manage to double suplex the rather large Ku. The Boyz are back up with a Bollywood Blast to Ku before double teaming Fatu down. Finau wrecks Finau as more people go to the floor to brawl.

Gurv is busted open and Ciclope grabs an electric tool, which can’t go well for anyone. Los Macios manage to knock Finau down inside, at least partially thanks to a chair, leaving Fatu to Samoan drop Harv off the cage through some doors at ringside. About ten chair shots and a Samoan drop put Finau down again as Ciclope climbs the cage.

Fatu Samoan Spikes him down and then dives back in with Garrini having to make a save. A spike piledriver hits Gurv…who pops right back up. The champs chair him down and then do the same to Finau. We pause for the sake of spending forever to set up a double stack door. The top rope double stomp to Finau gives Ku the retaining pin at 14:26.

Rating: C+. What is there to say about a match like this? It’s total insanity with all kinds of things going on at once. That’s kind of the point, and while the cage itself was only kind of used at times, I think I like the idea of having people coming and going. Having eight people in the ring at once is a mess, so I’ll take carnage going throughout the arena and ringside over everyone in the ring and not being able to move.

We look at upcoming shows as it’s going to take some time to get the cage down.

Commentary hypes up the Cluster as we stay on the graphic of upcoming events.

Before the Cluster starts, here is GCW World Champion Black Christian, with Shane Mercer, for a chat. Christian talks about how Joey Janela couldn’t finish the story last night at Spring Break and it wasn’t the first time he was bigger, stronger and could last longer than Janela. Cue Janela from behind to powerbomb Christian and hit him with a package piledriver. Mercer and Janela brawl outside…and here is Mance Warner, who has a guaranteed title shot at any time. Warner loads up the screwdriver but Effy comes in to brawl with Warner to the back.

We preview the Cluster, which is about having all kinds of people, with no idea of who or how many people will be entering.

Cluster****

There are unknown entrants and you can be eliminated by pin, submission, over the top, leaving the building and death. It’s Royal Rumble style (with the rules and intervals being loose at best) with Jimmy Lloyd, in a neck brace after last night, in at #1. Before the match he rips on Philadelphia before bringing out Matt Cardona and Steph de Lander. Well in theory that is but instead it’s Shane Douglas coming in at #2.

Shane hits a quick belly to belly for the pin and the elimination, allowing him to stop and talk about the history of wrestling here in Philadelphia. All of the promotions around here can kiss his a** but here is Shota in at #3. A dropkick staggers Douglas but he’s back with the belly to belly for the pin. Bam Sullivan is in at #4 and flips off Douglas, who hammers away. Sullivan knocks him down and gets two off a splash but Douglas bites him in the head. A running clothesline of all things gets rid of Sullivan and it’s Lindsay in at #5.

Douglas doesn’t think much of her so she hits him low for two. The camel clutch goes on but Jason Knight comes in, presumably at #6, to kiss Snow and toss her out. Rob S*** is in at #7 and beats on both of them until Knight dumps him. The Carnage Crew (Loc and DeVito) are in at #8 and #9 but they’re both out just as fast. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 and yeah the fans approve as the ECW reunion continues. Justin Credible pops in, I guess at #11, and leaves with Jason without doing anything.

That leaves Dreamer vs. Douglas with a quick DDT getting rid of Douglas as the Impact Players (Knight/Credible) are officially eliminated due to leaving. Rina Yamashita is in at #12 and they slug it out, with Rina grabbing a testicular claw. An enziguri drops Dreamer and Tony Deppen is in at #13 (Rina rolls her eyes). Rina rolls outside (not eliminated) and 1 Called Manders is in at #14. Brawling ensues until Charlie Tiger is in at #15. That goes nowhere so Jeffrey John is in at #16 as the ring is starting to fill up.

Facade is in at #17 for some kicks to stagger various people. The intervals pick up as Masha Slamovich is in at #18. Slamovich avoids a dropkick and chokes John out for the elimination. Tiger gets choked out as well before Slamovich crotches Facade on top and gets rid of him. Deppen tries to get rid of Slamovich but Dreamer throws him out instead. Trevor Outlaw and Frank The Clown are in at #19 and #20 with Outlaw trying a cheap shot on Dreamer, who grabs a DDT.

Slamovich tosses Dreamer and pins Outlaw as Marcus Mathers is in at #21. Mathers kicks Rina back out to the floor (again not out) and Parrow is in at #22. Frank The Clown has left the building (he never got in the ring) for an elimination and it’s Mike Bailey in at #23 (you knew he was coming). Everyone goes after the large Parrow, who tosses Bailey. Parrow puts Slamovich down for the pin as well and it’s Pollo del Mar in at #24. Pollo is tossed rather quickly and it’s Dark Sheik, Edith Surreal and Jamie Senegal in at #25, #26 and #27.

They all strike away at Parrow, including a trio of Shattered Dreams. Parrow goes through the ropes (not out) and it’s Cheech and Colin Delaney in at #28 and #29. They go after the trio but can’t get rid of anyone as the Main Event (Jay Lion/Midas Black) are in at #30 and #31. Some rather snazzy double team moves have Cheech and Delaney in trouble, albeit not eliminated. Dives through the ropes take Cheech and Delaney down as the Ugly Sucklings (White Mike and Rob Killjoy) are in at #32 and #33.

The Sucklings beat up both tag teams but can’t get rid of anyone as Davey Bang and August Matthews are in at #34 and #35. That means they get to clean house with some dives as even more people get to lay around on the floor. Cheech and Delaney come back in but get dropped with clotheslines as Bobby Flaco, Terry Yaki, Aerial Van Go and Mr. Danger come in together at #36, #37, #38 and #39.

The four of them go after Delaney, with a hurricanrana into a phoenix splash getting rid of him, with Cheech being thrown out just after. Flaco plants Black for the elimination and a twisting Canadian Destroyer gets rid of Lion. Bang and Matthews are back up to get rid of Mike and Killjoy. Fuego del Sol and Sam Stackhouse are in at #40 and #41 with the much bigger Stackhouse going after Matthews.

Del Sol and Stackhouse knock Matthews and Bang down for stereo pins to clear the ring, not counting all of the people still either on the floor or gone. Stackhouse and del Sol beat up some of the foursome before a ladder is brought in. A moonsault onto said ladder gets rid of Flaco and Yaki but Van Go and Danger use the ladder to drop Stackhouse and del Sol. They both climb the ladder and Van Go headscissors Danger onto the pile on the floor, meaning they’re both eliminated.

Green Phantom is in at #42 and Sexxxy Eddy follows him, apparently at #43. Eddy comes to the ring in a towel and puts his tights on before getting inside to chair Stackhouse down. Mathers comes back in and gets hit low by Eddy but Manders gets back in as well. A double clothesline puts Manders down and it’s Tara Zep in at #44.

Eddy gyrates a lot and Phantom knocks Zep face first into Eddy’s trunks. Phantom slams Zep onto a chair for the elimination and Tank is in at #45. Tank beats up Eddy and Phantom but Manders is back in again for a slugout. They trade headbutts until Tank hammers him into the corner with both of them busted open. Tank headbutts Manders down and it’s Matters coming back in for another slugout. CPA (yes he’s an accountant) is in at #46 and takes off his shirt and tie to reveal….the same shirt and tie.

We’ll make that three layers as he hits a slow motion 619 on Tank. Everyone but CPA goes under the ropes to the floor and it’s Alex Zayne in at #47. Mathers takes Zayne’s place and is sent outside (not out again) as Philly Mike is in at #48. Mike knocks Mathers into the corner and it’s Spyder Nate Webb in at #49 for the full Teenage Dirt Bag entrance. Other wrestlers dance with him at ringside before Webb conducts the fans to sing the song with him.

With the song done, Webb takes a bow and gets inside, beer in hand. The fans want the song to be played again and that is in fact what happens as commentary points out that it is 2am local time. Philly Mike finally jumps Webb, who hands him a beer and then hammers him down. They fight to the floor and Mike walks out for an elimination. Webb follows and he’s out too, taking some of the energy from the crowd. Said energy picks up again as ring announcer Emil Jay enters at #50 but is tossed out almost immediately.

Eddy gets to gyrate a bit and it’s Cheeseburger in at #51. Cheeseburger ties Eddy in the Tree of Woe and sends Phantom face first into his tights, which is enough for an elimination. Eddy’s tights are pulled off and he has to fight with his hands covering himself. That lets Cheeseburger toss him out and Man Like DeReiss is in at #52. As usual, DeReiss raps himself to the ring and throws out CPA in the process. Monomoth (he has wings) is in at #53 and Zayne isn’t sure what to do with him.

A quick rollup gets rid of Zayne and Mercedes Martinez is in at #54 so Mathers comes back in (there are all kinds of people just sitting/strolling around at ringside) and is quickly fisherman’s bustered out. Surreal and Senegal (See what I mean?) come back in to go after Martinez, with Sheik joining them but getting eliminated. Surreal saves Senegal but Martinez DDTs both of them for the double elimination. DeReiss comes back in and low bridges Martinez out as Kaplan is in at #55.

Kaplan sets up doors and chairs on the floor as Manders and Stackhouse get back in. Del Sol is back in as well as Sawyer Wreck (with a bad arm) is in at #56. Kaplan misses a moonsault and gets thrown through the doors for the elimination. Wreck comes in as Brandon Kirk and Kasey Catal are in at #57 and #58.

Manders and Kirk are eliminated by their respective (romantic) partners….and then Wreck and Catal kiss. They leave together and they’re both out (Emil Jay: “Sawyer Wreck and Kasey Catal have left the building….together.”). Jordan Oliver is in at #59 to dropkick Tank out but Parrow is back in for a chokeslam. Monomoth is back in and is quickly tossed as Beastman is in at #60.

Beastman chokebombs Parrow but Stackhouse comes in and takes his shirt off, giving us a lot of jiggling. DeReiss chops at the huge Stackhouse and Beastman before tossing both of them out for the big eliminations. Viva Van is in at #61 and knocks DeReiss into the corner. The gear is hitched up for a Stinkface (DeReiss approves but feigns being knocked out when Van looks at him) but del Sol breaks it up. Van is out and Gringo Loco is in at #62.

The entrants pick up as Grim Reefer is in at #63 and tries to light a cigarette, with Parrow breaking it up. Parrow puts Reefer out and it’s Cole Radrick and Alec Price in at #64 and #65. They go after del Sol and Oliver with the former being knocked out thanks to some double teaming. Johnny Kashmere is in at #66 and we get a mini tag match with Kashmere/Oliver vs. Price/Radrick. That includes Radrick and Price both being tossed, leaving Kashmere and Oliver in the ring as Kurt Bale, Lance Scaper and Big Vin are in at #67, #68 and #69.

Vin and company get to wreck Kashmere and Oliver but can’t eliminate them as the American Giant (he’s 7’3) is in at #70. Giant gets rid of Vin and chokeslams Bale and Scaper for the double pin. There goes DeReiss as well so Parrow comes in for the staredown with Giant. Microman is in at #71 for the funny visual and Chiitan (a mascot with a big head) is in at #72.

Parrow gets rid of Giant and kicks Microman in the head but Chiitan knocks Parrow through the ropes. The Fighting Chicken (Prazak: “What in the world?”) is in at #73 and we get the big mascot staredown with Chiitan. Dr. Cube, the Hot Potato and Double Unicorn Dark (they’re kaiju from Japan) are in at #74, #75 and #76. The Chicken pecks away but the kaiju knock the mascots into the corner. Potato’s shooting star press gets two…and Aja Kong is in at #77 for the big surprise.

The Kaiju and the Chicken go after her but she knocks the three villains out and spinning backfists the Chicken for the pin. Chiitan, minus the hat, goes after Kong, who hits a spinning backfist for the pin. That gives us Parrow vs. Kong, with Parrow hitting a clothesline for the pin. Loco is back in and gets knocked out before going after Microman. Yoshihiko (a doll) is in at #78 and Stunners Kashmere out before brainbustering Oliver (just go with it) for the elimination.

Rina Yamashita (who hasn’t done anything or been seen in probably an hour and a half) comes in to piledrive Yoshihiko, who hurricanranas her out anyway. Parrow goes to throw out Yoshihiko, who throws him out instead. We get Yoshihiko vs. Microman but Nick Gage is in at #79 (announced as #87, but there’s no way I was THAT far off), the final entrant. Commentary says Gage, Yoshihiko and Microman are the final three so we’ll go with that as I lost who was still in an hour ago.

Gage hammers Yoshihiko into the corner and hits a gorilla press powerslam. The pizza cutter is whipped out but Microman makes the save. Yoshihiko crossbodies Gage but gets sent out, leaving Microman to suplex Gage. Microman pizza cutters Gage, who shoves him back down. The fans cheer for Microman, who is sat on top…but Gage misses a charge and falls out, allowing Microman to get the win at 1:57:51 (close enough as there was no opening bell).

Rating: B. Oddly enough, I had a good time with this. It’s a perfect example of “this is what we told you would be happening”, as there is nothing remotely serious about the whole thing, with stretches where there were dozens of people officially in but few were actually doing anything. This isn’t a match where it’s about the story or the action, but rather the whole atmosphere and wondering who was coming in next. This was pure, goofy fun and I had a good time with it, which is exactly what it should have been.

Overall Rating: B-. It says a lot when an eight man, four team cage match is completely forgotten but that’s the kind of show this is. This isn’t supposed to be anything more than one big party show where the fans get to see a bunch of people running out there and some semblance of a match taking place. You have to know exactly what you’re getting into, but if you can accept that, you’ll have a good time.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 8
Date: April 5, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

This is one of the bigger independent shows of Wrestlemania Weekend and the biggest GCW show as well. The main event if Joey Janela himself challenging the rather unpopular Black Christian for the GCW World Title. As usual this show could be all over the place and that makes it more fun. Let’s get to it.

I only follow GCW to a certain extent so I apologize in advance for missing details about characters or storylines. I’m basically going based off what commentary or the wrestlers tell me.

Note that I was in the arena for this show, sitting in the sixth row with the entrance on my right.

In Memory of Virgil.

Opening video.

Rina Yamashita/Masha Slamovich vs. Minoru Suzuki/Masato Tanaka

Rina and Tanaka start things off with the former’s running shoulders not getting her very far. Suzuki and Slamovich come in but I can’t stop looking at a rather stupid looking fan. Looks like some overrated wrestling reviewer. Slamovich can’t get very far so it’s back to Tanaka to take her down by the arm. The fight heads out to the floor and we go split screen, which is more than most major promotions can remember to do.

Back in and Suzuki stomps away at Slamovich in the corner before Tanaka just slaps her in the face. It’s back to Suzuki who alternates between cranking on various limbs to keep Slamovich down. Slamovich manages a quick suplex and it’s back to Rina to pick things up. We get the “let’s stand here and exchange forearms”, with Suzuki getting the better of things.

Tanaka comes in for a top rope superplex, which he rolls into another suplex. Rina gets away for the tag back to Slamovich, who strikes both guys down. A double powerbomb gets two on Tanaka and let’s get a door. Splash Mountain through the door is broken up by Suzuki, who is sent outside. Tanaka puts Slamovich (mostly) through the table for two but Slamovich is right back with a crucifix for the pin at 13:48.

Rating: C+. This was a nice start as the fans are always going to react to Suzuki and Tanaka was a big enough deal in ECW for the local fans. Other than that, it didn’t get too violent and that left us with a mostly clean tag match. It’s nice to see something like that on a show that has a tendency to get nuts, though I’m sure that’s coming later.

Rock N Roll Express/Kerry Morton vs. East West Express/Mike Bailey

The Rock N Roll (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) are legends (as opposed to the East/West of Jordan Oliver and Nick Wayne) and of course good guys but Kerry (Ricky’s son) is a loudmouthed heel. Before the match, Kerry tells the fans to shut the f*** up and asks who all of these people think they are to get in the ring with the. And then the fans BOO HIM??? Kerry jumps the three of them from behind to no avail and it’s a neckbreaker into Bailey’s shooting star press for two.

Wayne and Oliver start working on the arm before it’s off to Ricky, who gets elbowed in the face. Ricky tells Wayne to run the ropes but Kerry gets in a cheap shot, which doesn’t work for Kerry. The fans sing their disdain for Kerry, who doesn’t take kindly to it but does take Wayne down with a slingshot suplex. Wayne manages a running uppercut for a breather and it’s Bailey coming back in to pick up the pace.

Oliver snaps off a double chop and…bounces up and down a lot. The East/West comes in for their double cutter out of the corner but Kerry shoves the referee into the ropes for the break, earning him a big yelling from Ricky. He even slaps Kerry and I guess that’s enough for Ricky to be Legal. A Canadian Destroyer hits Wayne and he dives onto a bunch of people, including Kerry. The Mortons hit stereo dropkicks for two on Wayne as Bailey makes the save. Oliver and Wayne are back in though and it’s the double cutter for the pin on Ricky at 9:21.

Rating: C+. This was more about Ricky vs. Kerry than anything else while also having the Rock N Roll in there. It made for a good enough story, but the action was only so good. You can only get so much out of the Rock N Roll these days and while that’s fair enough, it was smart to keep this relatively short. And of course with Bailey in there, because he comes complete with every Wrestlemania Weekend show.

Dragon Gate Classic vs. Reiwa New Generation

That would be Dragon Kid/Kzy/Yamato vs. Ben-K/Kota Minoura/Shun Skywalker. Yamato and Ben start things off and they go to the mat for the grappling exchange. With that not working, Kzy and Minoura come in and the latter doesn’t think much of what appears to be dancing. That doesn’t work either, so it’s off to the masked Skywalker and the, uh, also masked Kid.

A Stundog Millionaire drops Skywalker so Ben and Minoura come in for an assisted kick to Kid’s face. Ben does his rotating gutwrench suplex to drop Kid again, followed by Skywalker’s suplex to keep Kid in trouble. Minoura comes back in with a Boston crab, sending Kid straight to the ropes.

Kid finally manages to get in a shot of his own and it’s back to Yamato to pick up the pace. Kzy hits a big dive to the floor, leaving Yamato to suplex Ben for two. Minoura gets super hurricanranaed down and Kzy’s frog splash gets two more. Back up and Skywalker monkey flips Kzy into Kid and Yamato but Kzy forearms the heck out of Skywalker. Minoura is back in and gets caught in a crucifix to give Kid the pin at 13:53.

Rating: B. They were doing the showcase route here and that went rather well. It’s a case where you take a bunch of talented people and let them go out there for a bunch of fun spots for a good while. It worked well here with everyone going nuts until someone got the pin. Rather entertaining stuff here and it went exactly as it should have.

Cole Radrick vs. Aigle Blanc vs. Alec Price vs. Arez vs. Leon Slater vs. Marcus Mathers vs. Mr. Danger vs. Myron Reed

Grab The Brass Ring ladder match, with a Sonic looking ring above the ring, meaning the winner gets a shot at any title on demand. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone heads outside and thankfully we go split screen again. Radrick and Blanc grab chairs and go back inside for a duel, with Radrick knocking him right back to the floor. Mathers comes back in to kick the chair into Radrick’s head before it’s Danger coming in for a springboard legdrop to knock a ladder onto Reed’s face.

Now it’s Arez and Mathers picking up a ladder to clear a few people out, only to have Blanc break it up. We get the required ladder around the head (Price’s in this case) so he can spin around rather quickly to knock a bunch of people down. Price is down as well so it’s Microman, who stands 3’3, in with a tiny ladder of his own. He does his own ladder spin, resulting in a bunch of low blows for even more knockdowns. Microman sends Mathers into a ladder in the corner and there’s a headscissors to Price.

Back up and Price nails a clothesline before going up. Arez breaks that up with a springboard cutter so Radrick grabs the ladder, only to have that broken up as well. Mathers shoves a ladder over to send Danger into another ladder. Blanc misses a Swanton onto the ladder, allowing Slater to hit a Swanton 450 (that looks cool) to crush Blanc again. Mathers powerbombs Blanc onto a bunch of people on the floor but Reed pulls him off the ladder.

A F5 onto the top into a Downward Spiral plants Mathers but Price sends Reed face first into the ladder. There’s the big dive to the pile on the floor, leaving Slater to hit the huge dive over the post. A bunch of people check on Slater until Reed dives over the top for a cutter onto the pile. Danger goes up for the huge moonsault onto a bunch of people, leaving the fans pleased and everyone else down. Back in and Danger goes up but Radrick slows him down. Mathers and Price go up as well before going crashing down, leaving Radrick to knock Danger off and win at 17:06.

Rating: B-. This was the big cluster (ok maybe not the best word on a Joey Janela show) ladder match and it worked rather well. It’s the best way to have this many people on the roster at once as the fans get to see a bunch of stars in one match. It helps that there were stakes with this being similar to the Money In The Bank ladder match. There were a lot of people out there, but at least they kept things moving well enough.

Matt Cardona vs. Blue Pain

Cardona, with Steph de Lander and Jimmy Lloyd, is dressed as Macho King (with Queen Steph) and lets us know how lucky we are to have him. He was on TNA AND AEW recently and this weekend, his best friend Cody Rhodes will finish his story. Pain on the other hand is better known as Blue Kane and he’s kind of the Xanta Claus version of Kane: he wears blue, he controls cold instead of fire, he comes out to Eiffel 65’s Blue song, and he weighs two Cease And Desist Orders.

Cardona strikes away to start and gets scared out to the floor, as the flashbacks to the old US Title days are still real (that’s a weirdly clever idea). Back in and Pain uppercuts Cardona right back to the floor, meaning it’s time to stalk Cardona into the crowd. They fight into the balcony (not that high) and Pain loads up a table, only to get hit in the eyes with…something. Lloyd has to make the save but gets put in a chair and sent through the table (call back to Kane vs. Cardona back in WWE).

They get back in, where a de Lander distraction lets Cardona knock Pain off the top, setting up stereo Broski Boots. An Urn is brought in but Cardona hits de Lander by mistake (she urned that one), allowing Pain to hit the top rope clothesline. A chokeslam gets two, with de Lander pulling the referee out.

Radio Silence connects and another referee, dressed like Zack Ryder and coming out to the Zack Ryder theme, comes in to count two but flips Cardona off and kicks him low. Pain fights up with a chokeslam attempt, only to have Ryder hit him low, as Cardona reveals (and drops to the floor) a cup. That doesn’t work either so chokeslams abound until Lloyd is back. A fireball to the face (oddly appropriate) blinds Pain and Radio Silence lets all four villains pile on for the pin at 9:04.

Rating: B-. We can call this the definition of “stupid, goofy fun” and that is not a bad thing. Cardona is a big deal around here and it’s nice to see him getting to do something as silly as beating up a blue version of a monster who messed with him about ten years ago. Sometimes you need to do something ridiculous to give the fans a good time and that is exactly what happened here.

Gringo Loco vs. Amazing Red

This should be fun. Feeling out process to start with neither being able to get anywhere, including Red offering a clean break. They run the ropes and exchange some near falls until Red pauses on a big kick to the head. Loco isn’t having a handshake and knocks him outside, only to have Red snap off a hurricanrana.

The dive drops Loco again and Red sends him into the chairs before going back inside for the chops. Loco fights up and knocks him to the floor this time, only to let Red get back in due to that pesky respect stuff. Back in and a tornado DDT gives Red two more as they’re going back and forth here. Loco’s sitout powerbomb gives him two of his own but a top rope superplex is broken up.

Instead Red sends him down for a top rope faceplant but Loco hits a standing version for two more. Another powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana to give Red two so they both go up. This time it’s a super Spanish Fly to give Loco another near fall and they’re both a bit winded. Loco loads up…something but gets kicked in the back, allowing Red to take him up top for a super poisonrana. A top rope double stomp into a frog splash into Code Red is enough to give Red the pin at 15:55.

Rating: B. This was a way more straightforward match and it went rather well. After having all of the goofiness before and the violence that is still scheduled, it is nice to have something like this. Red is way past his prime but can still do some rather nice things. Loco is still more than good enough as well and they had a rather solid match here, at least given the circumstances.

Respect is shown post match.

We recap Mance Warner vs. Effy in an I Quit match. The commentary before the video said they’re former stablemates and now hate each other, but we’re not told why or what happened. Warner is rather violent though and apparently stabbed Effy with a drill to the head. As you do.

Effy vs. Mance Warner

I Quit and the fans do not like Warner whatsoever. We even get the Big Match Intros to really make this feel special. Warner hammers away to start and strikes away, only to charge into a German suplex. Effy hits a running boot in the corner and flips into something like a dragon sleeper. That’s broken up so Effy hits a spear to take Warner down again.

It’s time to bring in some chairs, one of which is thrown over the top and onto Warner’s head. Effy chairs him down and loads up a door, but does stop to chair Warner down again in a smart move. Warner is fine enough to spinebuster him through an open chair and a spinning DDT through the table connects. It’s way too early for Effy to quit so Warner chairs him down again.

Back up and Effy sends him through another door for another no, setting up a piledriver onto the chairs. Effy tries a Rough Ryder but is quickly powerbombed down onto the chairs as well. That’s nowhere near enough so let’s steal the referee’s belt to whip Effy over the back. Effy shrugs that off and grabs the belt, which he wraps around his fist to punch Warner in the face.

Some whipping in the corner makes Warner say no again and it’s time to bridge a door between some chairs. Choking takes too long though and Effy gets sent through the door, which is good for another no. They slug it out on the apron, with Effy snapping off a standing Blockbuster. Another door is loaded up at ringside but Warner grabs a chokeslam to send him through it as the violence continues.

Back in and they trade pieces of door shots to the head. Effy gets the better of things again and they trade low blows to put them both down again. Warner whips out a screwdriver to hit Effy in the head and it’s time to bring out some zip ties. The bloody Effy is tied to the top rope and Warner throws a chair at his head. That’s still a no so here is Allie Katch (Effy’s partner) with the drill…but Warner chairs her down and loads up the drill. Effy quits to save Katch at 21:47.

Rating: B-. This was the match that caught my eye more than anything else on the card and it told a story (unlike the story that we weren’t given about how we got here) but it never really got to that next level. Instead it was just a bunch of hitting people with stuff until they did the ending. It wasn’t bad, but I was expecting more in what felt like it could have been one of the best things on the show.

We recap Nick Gage/Maki Itoh vs. Danhausen/Ram Kaicho. Gage was unhappy with Danhausen for costing him a win so it’s time to bring in a partner each.

Nick Gage/Maki Itoh vs. Danhausen/Ram Kaicho

Kaicho appears to be a bit dead and Gage and Itoh have Discount Dewey Donovan with them (he still has a website, where he brags about how little effort he has put into it and has not updated it in about 18 years). The fans REALLY do not like Danhausen during the Big Match Intros and even he seems a bit surprised.

Danhausen and Gage start things off but Danhausen wants Itoh instead. The curse is blocked with a middle finger so Danhausen grabs a headlock. Itoh gets knocked down and Danhausen drops a falling headbutt, a signature Itoh spot. Back up and Itoh knocks him down so it’s off to Kaicho, who uses her….death dust to blind Itoh? With that shrugged off, Itoh hammers away in the corner and hits a running boot for two. Gage comes in and knocks a crossbodying Itoh down and an elbow makes it worse.

Itoh DDTs her way to freedom and hands it off to Danhausen to slug away at Gage, followed by the flying shoulder. Everything breaks down and Gage pulls Danhausen outside, where it’s time to grab a door. All four get inside and it’s a four way knockdown, with Gage grabbing the pizza cutter.

Kaicho blasts him with the dust though and hits a dropkick to put Gage through the door in the corner. Danhausen pizza cutters Itoh and pours the teeth in her mouth, setting up the running booth. Back up and Gage sends Danhausen through another door as Itoh drops Kaicho. Stereo falling headbutts give Gage and Itoh the stereo pins at 13:01.

Rating: C+. What were you expecting here? It was basically a way to have Gage vs. Danhausen and it wasn’t exactly good. Gage is as big of a star as he can be around here and more or less it gave him a way to get on the card. Danhausen has fallen really hard in recent months and while he’s not done yet, it would be nice to see him getting to do something else to freshen things up a bit.

Post match Gage thanks the fans so the winners can leave.

We recap Blake Christian defending the GCW World Title against Joey Janela. No one likes Christian so it’s time for Janela to save the title from a horrible champion. He’s also standing up to Christian for going after Missy Hyatt, because that is a thing that is happening in 2024.

GCW World Title: Blake Christian vs. Joey Janela

Christian, with Shane Mercer, is defending and Missy Hyatt (with Gucci purse) is here with Janela. We get the Big Match Intros and Janela is in the Lex Luger Summerslam 1993 gear, which can’t go badly whatsoever. The mic goes out during Christian’s entrance because even the electronics don’t like Christian.

They fight over a lockup to start and that goes a grand total of nowhere. Janela shoulders him out to the floor but Christian is back in to slug away. A backdrop does a bit better for Janela and it’s time for a door. That takes too long so it’s Christian hitting a dive to send the door into Janela for a change. We hit the hair pull, followed by a chinlock, which isn’t a good sign less than ten minutes into the match.

Janela fights up but gets sent outside, where Mercer puts him into the post. Christian sends him face first through a chair and even busts out a cartwheel inside. Back up and Janela manages a quick cutter into a brainbuster for two, meaning frustration is starting to set in. That takes too long so Christian is back up with a springboard elbow for two of his own.

Stereo clotheslines give us a double knockdown, followed by a DDT to plant Christian onto the apron. The door is set up at ringside but Christian slips out of a Death Valley Driver. Back in and Janela snaps off a German suplex, followed by the Death Valley Driver for two. Janela takes too much time going up and gets knocked down, allowing Christian to hit a springboard 450 for two of his own.

Christian sends him outside for the big flip dive into a Nightmare On Helm Street on the floor. A moonsault press is countered back inside and Janela hits a quick jackknife. Janela grabs a chair to knock Christian down and then wraps the chair around his head. Mercer offers a quick distraction though and it’s Christian coming back with a spinebuster through the chair.

A Stomp gives Christian two and the shock sets in quickly. Mercer throws in a mostly broken door and some chairs but Hyatt comes in, meaning Janela has to make the save. Janela knocks Mercer off the top and through another table at ringside, setting up a superplex through that rather lame looking door.

A top rope stomp onto the door onto Christian gets two but he’s back up with a quick DDT. They slug it out from their knees until Hyatt grabs Christian’s leg (only took her two tries). Christian pulls her in so Janela makes the save…and Hyatt hits Janela with the Gucci bag. A stomp onto the bag retains the title at 29:44.

Rating: D+. Janela has a tendency to go long in his matches and that was certainly the case here. This is a match that could have easily had fifteen minutes chopped off as they just didn’t have much going on here. Christian can do the moves well but he isn’t exactly a thrilling star otherwise. Janela did what he could but they couldn’t have telegraphed the ending any harder. Not a good main event, mainly as it went on WAY too long.

The fans throw in trash (the referee is NOT happy) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show started off well enough but it went on about four hours in total and the fans were just done by the main event. It’s a show where they needed to cut some time off from more than a few matches. I liked the show well enough and a good chunk of it had some of that strong GCW crowd energy, but the main event was rough. It doesn’t help that there is nothing worth going out of your way to see. Spring Break is supposed to be one of the really fun events and this was more forgettable than anything else.

Results
Rina Yamashita/Masha Slamovich b. Minoru Suzuki/Masato Tanaka – Crucifix to Tanaka
East West Express/Mike Bailey b. Rock N Roll Express/Kerry Morton – Double middle rope cutter to Ricky
Dragon Gate Classic b. Reiwa New Generation – Crucifix to Minoura
Cole Radrick won the Grab The Brass Ring Ladder Match
Matt Cardona b. Blue Pain – Radio Silence
Amazing Red b. Gringo Loco – Code Red
Mance Warner b. Effy when Effy quit
Nick Gage/Maki Itoh b. Danhausen/Ram Kaicho – Stereo falling headbutts
Blake Christian b. Joey Janela – Stomp onto a Gucci bag

 

 

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