Thunder
Date: May 17, 2000
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,066
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

I saw this on the WCW Vault channel so let’s take a look at this again. Thunder is of course an all time disaster of a wrestling show and we are at the point where WCW has more or less given up. The draw for this show is the Millionaires Club vs. the New Blood, with WCW thinking the fans would get behind the old rich wrestlers. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of recent carnage and chaos with no context whatsoever. This feels like a scene from a sitcom where someone is tasked with making a simple film but instead goes nuts and turns it into some art house deal which makes no sense but they blame the audience for not getting it (Diane did it on Cheers).

Opening sequence, featuring a countdown to the start of thunder. Isn’t the point of thunder that you don’t know when it’s going to start?

The New Blood arrives in a school bus, because that’s cool. Shane Douglas takes roll because Eric Bischoff has put him in charge. This leads to a fight with Konnan and here is the Millionaires Club, plus the Misfits In Action, running in for the brawl. Hulk Hogan, all in black with FUNB on his back (oh 2000 WCW, you glorious disaster), steals the keys to the bus.

Commentary welcomes us to the show and tells us that Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo aren’t here tonight. Dang I picked a good one.

Here is the Millionaires Club and the Misfits In Action, with Hulk Hogan saying they just stole the keys to the bus. Whatever Shane Douglas had planned is out the window because the Millionaires Club is booking the show tonight. Cue the New Blood, with Douglas telling Hogan to shut up. Hogan mocks Billy Kidman for the match at Slamboree and wants a rematch at the Great American Bash. If Hogan wins, he gets a World Title match at Bash At The Beach (DUN DUN DUN) and the match seems to be made.

As for tonight, Hogan wants to face Horace, but Jeff Jarrett cuts them off, saying he wants his World Title back. Cue champion Ric Flair (who would win and lose the title again before the end of the month) to deck Jarrett with the title and the big brawl is on again. So The Millionaires Club has already outsmarted the young, athletic guys and beaten them up twice inside of five minutes.

In the back, Konnan and Shane Douglas argue again, with Konnan and the rest of the Filthy Animals (Rey Mysterio, Juventud Guerrera and the Disco Inferno) walking out.

Misfits In Action vs. Filthy Animals

We also get Major Gunns, who is rather quickly oogled. Corporal Cajun plays to the crowd to start but gets jumped from behind, only for Inferno to get caught in the wrong corner for some running splashes. Gunns comes in for a chest to the face before it’s back to Guerrera for some dropkicks to Stash’s leg (with Schiavone getting Stash’s rank wrong, even if PRIVATE STASH makes more sense).

Mysterio comes in to take over on Rection (because…yeah that’s his name) in the corner, but the Bronco Buster is cut off. A powerbomb out of the corner drops Mysterio and it’s off to Loco vs. Konnan. Cue Shawn Stasiak (who is also part of the New Blood) to jump Loco for the DQ at 3:18.

Rating: C. Why do I have a bad feeling that this is going to be the best match on the show? You had a bunch of talented wrestlers in the ring here but there is only so much you can do when the match barely gets three minutes, especially with interference for a DQ ending. Also, it might be nice to have commentary explain why Stasiak was out there, but I’m assuming it just a battle of the stables.

Post match the MIA gets beaten down but Booker T. makes the save. Gunns gives Loco mouth to mouth. This allows commentary to talk about her lung capacity, because this is what WCW 2000 was like. And that’s the real reason this match existed: to put Major Gunns over.

The Millionaires Club is happy, though Lex Luger goes to deal with something.

Booker T. is happy to be with the Misfits In Action and their FUBAR (FU Bischoff And Russo) shirts. He’s ready to declare all out war.

Hulk Hogan vs. Horace

This is a rematch from Nitro where Horace used a chair to win. Before the match, Hogan says he never did anything to deal with Horace’s father (Hogan’s brother) and now it’s time to teach Horace something. In the back, Horace decks Kidman so he can take Torrie Wilson with him. Hogan jumps Horace on the way in and hits a clothesline to send Horace outside. Horace is sent into the steps and Hogan whips out a table but takes too long, allowing Horace to fight back.

That lasts all of three seconds as Hogan fights back and Heenan and Tenay get into it over Hogan giving Horace chores when he was a kid. Heenan: “You have servants for that!”. Back in and Hogan whips him with a belt, followed by a clothesline with said belt. Wilson gets up for a distraction and gets in a kiss on the cheek from Horace, which draws Kidman out to jump Horace. Hogan is back up to chair Horace in the back, sends Kidman through the table, and gets the pin at 3:56.

Rating: D. And yeah there you go: Hogan squashes Horace and beats up Kidman at the same time, just to show you that this isn’t so much a competition as much as it is the Millionaires Club having target practice. I get that Horace wasn’t going to be the next big thing, but this was domination and that doesn’t help anyone but Hogan. Also, Stasiak interfering in the previous match draws a DQ but Hogan can use a belt, a chair, and shrug off interference and the referee is fine with it?

Post match Hogan kisses Wilson, who seems to love it. Just in case you didn’t get that Hogan is the star here.

Lex Luger is in a car and wants to go find a gym. He’s told “go down here and make a right, you can’t miss it”, which is quite the detailed set of directions.

Post break, Luger winds up at a gym and finds Chuck Palumbo lifting so Luger beats him up with a muscle bar and various other things. Luger whips him with a belt, which is the second segment in a row with the same weapon. He drops a 40lb weight on his ribs too and then throws it away, totally showing that it isn’t fake in the slightest. Luger pours a protein shake over him for a bonus as the New Blood gets humiliated again.

Ralphus and Norman Smile have “t-sherts fer sale” in the parking lot because they need to eat.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Ernest Miller

Funk is defending and calls Miller out. Miller comes to the stage and threatens to whip the old piece of junk, earning himself a DDT for two. A neckbreaker gets the same but Miller kicks him in the head and they fight to the back. They brawl with various items and a chair to the head drops Funk. We hear about Funk’s career, with Heenan sounding very respectful of him, as Funk comes back with a trashcan. A bag of popcorn to the head rocks Funk and he gets sent into a steel door.

The door is slammed down onto Funk before Miller lifts it up. Tenay: “If he hadn’t lifted the door, how could Funk have kicked out?” They go outside where Miller spins a rake around and hits him in the face. Smiley and Ralphus t-shert stand is broken up and Funk beats on Ralphus’ car with a chair. Funk breaks that up and throws him into the (open) hood of the trunk. Smiley tries to sell Miller a shirt and gets yelled at, so Smiley chairs him into the trunk, where Funk gets the pin to retain at 5:41.

Rating: C+. This started off lame but then Funk turned into his usual amazing self and got the stupid thing over. WCW’s hardcore stuff was stupid and Bischoff going after Funk and the Hardcore Title wasn’t much better, but sweet goodness Funk could make it work just due to talent, willpower and effort. Far more entertaining than it had any right to be.

Post break, Normal Smiley and Ralphus are arrested for selling bootleg merchandise.

Here is Mike Awesome with a stretcher to announce that he’s facing Diamond Dallas Page in am ambulance match at the Great American Bash. He wants an ambulance match right now though and we have a taker.

Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

Steiner’s US Title isn’t on the line in an ambulance match. Steiner says that he’s not in the Millionaires Club or the New Blood but wants to give Awesome a beating. Awesome gets knocked to the floor to start where he grabs a chair to throw inside. Steiner pulls that out of the air (dang) and throws it back at Awesome. Some suplexes drop Awesome and Steiner gets the Recliner but Goldberg’s music starts playing.

We cut to the back where Tank Abbott imitates Goldberg’s entrance. Steiner stands still and watches the whole thing as Abbott comes into the arena. Cue Rick Steiner to help Abbott beat up Scott, with Awesome getting up to help. Cue the Goldberg monster truck into the arena, with Scott throw Abbott and Rick onto the hood. The truck drives away (no driver is seen) and Awesome jumps into the ambulance, which is enough for Scott to win at 4:54.

Rating: F. When I watch these shows, it starts to make me wonder just how much they spent on this nonsense. Not only did they have two vehicles in the match, but Awesome basically walked out, making the ambulance COMPLETELY unnecessary. I know it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it’s that “oh who cares” mentality that helped kill WCW.

The New Blood continues bickering.

Chris Kanyon is in a halo in his hospital room and has weakness in his extremities. Now he doesn’t want to wrestle anymore because he just wants to walk again. Mike Tenay asks why Kanyon got involved in the cage match at Slamboree, where Mike Awesome threw him off the cage to injure him.

Kanyon keeps mentioning Diamond Dallas Page and Tenay brings up their history, but Page is up walking around while Kanyon is here. It’s true that Page has done a lot for him and he was here with him the night of the injury. Since then, Page is on the road wrestling but he’s calling multiple times a day. He hopes Page survives. Say it with me: then Kanyon turned on Page.

Kronik calls Shane Douglas, who wants to fight him in a three way dance. The New Blood walks out on him.

During a break, Kronik broke into Douglas’ locker room and dragged him to the ring.

Bryan Clark vs. Bryan Adams vs. Shane Douglas

So this is a triple threat instead of a handicap match due to reasons. Kronik double teams him to start and Clark hits the Meltdown (pumphandle powerslam), followed by Adams hitting an F5. Cue the Wall with a table so Douglas can go through it, setting up High Times (double chokeslam) to give Clark the pin at 3:05.

Rating: D-. As much as I enjoy seeing Douglas get beaten down, it makes me wonder why this was a thing that happened. It was another case of the old guys getting to wreck one of the “new” stars (ignore that Douglas had been around since the mid 80s) and make him look worthless. Other than making the Millionaires Club look great, how does this help anyone?

Here is World Champion Ric Flair (for the fifteenth time) and he can’t believe it happened again. Flair puts over Jeff Jarrett as a great wrestler and says he got lucky to win, but that’s what he did. He respects Jarrett, who isn’t the World Champion anymore. Now though, Flair needs to get his personal life in order. His son has been corrupted by Vince Russo, a skinny little Italian kid who grew up in New York. Like everyone else, Russo wanted to be like Bruno Sammartino, the champion of the WWWF (yes he got the extra W in there).

Then Russo’s dad bought him the cable and he saw Ric Flair in Atlanta and that’s what Russo wanted to be. Russo’s dad panicked because a good Catholic boy can’t be like the Nature Boy. Russo had no muscles, girlfriends or long limousines, so he could he be Flair? Now Russo is grown up and the only thing he has is a checkbook. Russo couldn’t control anyone from Flair to Sting to Hulk Hogan but he still wanted to be Flair.

But he’s still just a skinny little boy with no muscles and now Flair is the champ again. Now the title belongs to the old generation again (oh that doesn’t sound as good as WCW thinks it does) and the title is all that matters. Since Russo can’t have Flair, he’s trying to do it through Flair’s son. Cue Jeff Jarrett to interrupt to say he’s sick of hearing this and the brawl is on.

Cue Crowbar and David Flair to jump Flair (with Daffney screaming as only she could) but Arn Anderson runs in with a pipe for the save. Anderson says he’s old school too and last week, Russo opened up a sleeping dog. Anderson wakes up grumpy and he was happy with working backstage, doing whatever he could.

The reality though is he’s a wrestler and when he comes home and sees one of his kids playing with matches, he doesn’t care about women’s groups, because he’ll take off his belt and whip some discipline into his son. David needs to stop listening to that guy from New York City because he’s 0-everything. Anderson holds up the Four Horsemen sign and says it’s time for a Horsemen beating. Sweet goodness that Horsemen song is still amazing.

Other than that though, this was straight fire from Ric, who was doing one of those promos that makes him sound like he’s a cross between insane and the most passionate man in wrestling. That’s one of the reasons he’s a legend, but it brings up the big problem: he’s doing this to deal with Vince Russo. Put him against pretty much anyone else (excluding Jarrett because it just wasn’t going to happen) and this would have been outstanding stuff. As it is, it’s just more proof that Flair could still bring it when he was trying.

Vampiro is in the back with a Sting mask…which he lights on fire.

Here is Sting in the ring to say he’s this close to snapping. Tonight, he’s taking Vampiro out right here in Louisiana. Cue Vampiro to say “Stinger”, which Tenay interprets as “he just called him STEVE”, and ask about Sting not finishing the job in the cage last night. Maybe there is a little bit of Sting that likes Vampiro and wants to be like him. Vampiro challenges Sting to an Inferno match at the Great American Bash, where you have to light your opponent on fire to win. Sting: “You’re psycho man.”

They aren’t doing that match, but Vampiro says sting doesn’t have a choice. Then the ropes, or at least some parts of them, light on fire. Ignore the guy with the blowtorch lighting them on fire on camera of course. Then the fire goes out so Sting stands on the ropes to pose. So Sting is Undertaker and Vampiro is Kane? That’s bad.

Shane Douglas is worried about Bischoff and Russo being mad at them and sends Jeff Jarrett to fix things.

Crowbar/Jeff Jarrett/David Flair vs. Ric Flair/Arn Anderson

Non-title and Ric is in street clothes after Daffney’s screaming music plays by mistake. We cut to the back where Anderson has been beaten down by David and company so here is Jarrett to jump Ric on the stage. Ric fight back and they get inside but here are David and Crowbar to beat Ric down. David Figure Fours Ric but here is Kevin Nash….and Ric small packages Daffney for the win at 1:23.

Post match Ric gets the Figure Four on Daffney and Nash no sells a chair shot from Jarrett. With the villains dispatched, Ric collapses on the ramp, which Flair has said was part of a legitimate inner ear issue and not a storyline.

The New Blood gets on their bus but the Millionaires Club runs in to TURN THE BUS OVER (because that’s a thing) and the Goldberg monster truck charges at the bus to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. WOW. Normally I would say I have no idea where to start, but in this case, it’s somehow all about Bischoff and Russo. The whole point of this show is that the two of them weren’t here and the New Blood was completely massacred by the Millionaires Club all night as a result.

That’s where we are: a group of young, talented wrestlers got beaten up by the old (and also talented) wrestlers because Bischoff and Russo weren’t there to save them. Meanwhile, the Rock, HHH, Benoit, Jericho, Angle, the Hardys, the Dudleys, Edge and Christian and more were tearing it up on Raw and Smackdown. It’s a miracle WCW lasted as long as they did. Flair’s promo was awesome, but as usual that’s not enough to save this mess.

Oddly enough, for some reason I remembered a lot about this show, which I’ve only seen once since it originally aired. I remember Luger saying “great set man” to Palumbo in the gym, the Hogan kiss and the bus being overturned. I’m not sure what that says, but there are memorable points even in this kind of a wretched show.

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Monday Nitro #268
Date: November 27, 2000
Location: Metro Center, Rockford, Illinois
Attendance: 3,800
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

We’re past Mayhem and on the road to Starrcade with Scott Steiner now the World Champion for the first time. It’s hard to say where things are going now but hopefully things pick up a little bit after we’re done with another pay per view. If nothing else it should be interesting to see how things go to get to the biggest show of the year with less than three weeks of build. Let’s get to it.

We open with a special announcement over the new President….and it’s Jeff Jarrett hitting the guy making the announcement with a guitar. Thanks for that topical announcement.

3 Count vs. Corporal Cajun/Lieutenant Loco

It’s a brawl to start as the Misfits interrupt the singing to clean house. The announcers actually try to push last night’s show as a great event and a big deal with Steiner finally winning the title. Moore gets caught in the corner for a dropkick as things settle down a bit. The band takes Cajun into the corner as Madden tries to compare Helms and Moore to the Midnight Express. It’s not quite the League of Nations as the Horsemen but it’s still stupid.

Cajun springboards into an X-Factor on Shannon (Hudson: “Right onto his incredibly marketable face!” Clever line but I almost laughed at the idea of 3 Count ever being marketed.). It’s off to Loco but here are Noble and Karagias with a ladder to beat up 3 Count, allowing Loco to hit a suplex (called a brainbuster) for the pin on Shannon.

Rating: C-. As usual we had what could have been a good match but it’s brought down by interference to set up something else. That’s WCW in a nutshell: matches don’t exist to be matches because they’re there to set up another match down the line. Yeah the three way ladder match is going to be fun but they need to do something with these teams down the line and that’s just not going to happen.

Elix Skipper hits on Ms. Jones again so she knocks on a door to get the Cat out here. Wasn’t this a one off story like a month ago? Lance Storm sneaks in and hits Cat with a chair. Storm: “That’s why it’s TEAM Canada!”

The announcers talk about Steiner winning the World Title last night and think Sting deserves a title shot for retaining the King of Europe Cup at one of the German shows. For those keeping track, he won it back in like 1994 and defended it six years later. Now he gets a title shot out of the thing. Such is life in WCW, as usual.

Here’s Scott Steiner for his first chat as World Champion. After Hudson says this is Steiner’s thirteenth year in WCW because he can’t count (Steiner debuted in 1989 and wasn’t around for 1993), Steiner rambles about how awesome he is and how much he wants to hurt people. He’s already put Sting and Booker T. in the hospital and he’s destroyed Goldberg at Fall Brawl so there’s no one left for him to fight.

Cue Ric Flair so the announcers can again speculate that he’ll come out of retirement to fight Steiner. Steiner is now the flagship of this company but he can’t get off that easily. Flair has an opponent for Steiner at Starrcade and he’s a big star. Steiner actually suggests that it’s Austin or Rock and even does an imitation of the latter. Since this is WCW and they have no idea how the world works, Flair says that this star is just as big or Rock and Austin and will be around tonight.

We’re still not done yet though as Stevie Ray gets up to challenge Steiner for tonight. Steiner agrees if Stevie will put his career on the line, which is accepted. His announcing career right? I mean, it’s certainly not his wrestling career as he hasn’t had a match in months at this point.

The Boogie Knights don’t have the money to afford Kronik tonight. Yes this is still going.

Hugh Morrus is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow tonight.

Yang vs. Lance Storm

Storm has heavily taped ribs and promises to get back at Rection later. Yang grabs a rollup for two during the Canadian national anthem before punching him in the ribs. Back up and Storm gets in a superkick, followed by a backbreaker for two. The fans chant USA, which is actually appropriate here as Yang is from California. Of course it’s not likely that the fans know that so they just sound stupid.

A Rock Bottom gets two for Yang and he fires off some kicks at the ribs before elbowing Storm in the face. Yang hits a moonsault for two more but walks into a piledriver, only to have the women get into a fight on the floor. Cue the Cat to hit Storm with a chair, giving the unconscious Yang the big upset win.

Rating: D+. This worked better than some of the matches but the ending continues to defy logic. Yang isn’t getting a push out of this (due to reasons of “it’s WCW”) and now Storm gets another loss on his record while setting up something against the Cat. Like I said before: this wasn’t a match because it was a way to set up a match down the line.

Post break Storm yells at Jim Duggan for not having his back.

The Boogie Knights go to the Harris Brothers for protection tonight but still don’t have any money. That’s fine with the Brothers because they want……sandwiches. Egads this company can’t die fast enough.

Here’s Lex Luger with something to say. It’s time for a celebration because Goldberg’s career is coming to an end tonight. Luger rants about how awesome his life is but none of it means anything compared to this because he did wrestling a huge favor last night. See, last night when Goldberg speared a referee, that should have been a DQ and the end of the Streak. He’s appealed to Ric Flair and demands an answer tonight. So yeah, it really does seem that we’re getting Luger vs. Goldberg again at Starrcade and not THE ONLY LOGICAL MATCH WCW COULD HAVE FOR THE BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR.

A limo arrives.

Jimmy Hart is still issuing challenges to DJ’s.

Jeff Jarrett is talking to Gene when the Filthy Animals come up and throw eggs at him. Those boys need a role model.

Big Vito is making sure Marie is ok before she leaves. He leaves and Reno comes up to leave with her.

Jamie Noble/Evan Karagias vs. Boogie Knights

Not so fast as this isn’t happening.

Jamie Noble/Evan Karagias vs. Alex Wright/Ron Harris

Let’s get this over with. Ron throws Evan around to start and a slam gives Alex two. There’s a suplex from Alex and it’s off to Ron vs. Jamie for more squashification. Ron finally runs into a boot in the corner to give Jamie a hope spot in the form of a top rope clothesline. A big boot knocks Jamie down again to give Alex two more. Everything breaks down and a quick H Bomb puts Jamie away.

Can we PLEASE cut out this “beatdowns for hire” nonsense? It was dumb enough when Kronik was ripping off the APA but now the freaking Harris Brothers are doing this for SANDWICHES. It’s not funny, it’s not entertaining, it’s not intelligent and it’s not doing anything to mock the WWF. On top of that you have all these better teams losing to Alex and one half of the goons winning more often than not. Who does this help other than people who put it together and get a cheap laugh?

Another Glacier promo which thankfully is ripped apart again. Now that’s kind of amusing.

Ric Flair says Goldberg is fine because Luger pulled the referee in the way of the spear. That should be a DQ on Luger, but since WCW is about winning and losing, there’s going to be a rematch at Starrcade. So yeah, apparently winning via DQ isn’t really winning so we’re getting these two again because doing Goldberg vs. Steiner for the title LIKE EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY SHOULD DO is out of the question.

Here are Page and Nash with something to say. During the entrances (yes entrances because they’re not even pretending that they’re a real team), Hudson mentions them being partners many years ago. The fans want Hall because they love to cling to false hope as Page talks about their history, including managing Hall back in the day. The famous team is called the Outsiders but this team is called the Insiders.

Nash takes the mic but here are Sanders/Jindrak/O’Haire to the Wolfpac theme. Sanders thinks Page is trying to ride Nash’s coattails so they’ll defend against the Thrillers at Starrcade. Page thinks they should have a fight right now, which I guess is for the titles though it’s not quite clear.

Insiders vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

Jindrak and Page fight to the floor while Nash beats up Sean in the ring. Well of course he does. Nash gets in the framed elbows but charges into a boot. That’s fine though as Page comes in, only to take a low blow. The young guys stomp him down in the corner but Page counters a whip into a headscissors of all things. Everything breaks down and Jindrak eats a Diamond Cutter with Sanders pulling the referee out. Cue the rest of the Thrillers to beat down the champs, allowing Jindrak to pin Page. The Thrillers leave with the belts but this doesn’t seem to be a title match.

Rating: D. Other than that headscissors, this was a bunch of standing around punching because that’s all Page and Nash know how to do at this point. Jindrak and O’Haire getting a win, albeit a cheap one, is fine enough and about as good as they’re going to get because you know Nash and Page aren’t laying down for them.

Stevie Ray calls Scott Steiner a sad sack cracker jack.

Reno vs. Goldberg

The announcers basically say Reno can only win on a miracle. This one actually gets some time as Goldberg knocks Reno across the ring and gorilla presses him into a drop. A quick Roll of the Dice attempt is countered into a powerslam, followed by the two moves to make Goldberg 26-0.

Post match Luger comes in and hits Goldberg with a chair…..which Goldberg eventually sells. Luger Racks him for good measure.

The Filthy Animals don’t have much to say.

US Title: General Rection vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Rection is defending. Bigelow pounds on him in the corner and rakes the eyes like a heel should. Rection works on the arm and there’s just no reaction. Were you really expecting anything else here? He’s a guy with a comedy name who has won his big battle against Team Canada and really doesn’t have much of character outside of that. I really have no reason to care about him other than he was fighting for America but that doesn’t really work when he’s fighting against someone from New Jersey.

Bigelow slaps on a chinlock for a bit before some clotheslines and a suplex put him down. A top rope elbow misses so Bigelow powerbombs the champ…..and goes for a table. Never mind though as here’s AWALL to take it away, allowing Rection to kick Bigelow down and retain with the moonsault.

Rating: D. The crowd silence suggests that this wasn’t working and again I can’t say I’m surprised. At the end of the day, Rection isn’t interesting and while it’s nice to see them try and make a new star, this is about as far as things are going to go. It also doesn’t help when you have another big power guy in there as an opponent and the stupid AWALL thing to continue that thrown together feud.

Scott Steiner steals a camera and goes to the limo to find out his opponent. Now why did no one else ever think of this? It turns out to be full of Smooth’s women though because the other limo isn’t here yet. Smooth gets beaten up for general purposes.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Rey Mysterio

Before the match, Jarrett rails against Konnan for the prank earlier tonight. I mean it wasn’t funny or anything but it was indeed a prank. Tygress trips Jarrett five seconds into the match and Rey gets two off a springboard bulldog. Konnan gets on the apron to distract Jarrett so Kidman can trip him as well. Dang it act like faces already. The Bronco Buster is stopped by a raised boot (as always) but Kidman grabs Jarrett to stop him again. Even the announcers are treating Rey as the heel here.

Jarrett misses his running crotch again and a Lionsault gets two for Rey. Now it’s Konnan getting inside so Kidman can get in a low blow, followed by a Bronco Buster from Tygress. Rey’s springboard hurricanrana is countered into a sweet powerbomb but the Animals break up the cover after the Stroke. Jeff has had enough of this and blasts Rey with the guitar for the DQ. Madden brings up the obvious point: after everything the Animals did in front of the referee, THAT’S A DQ???

Rating: D-. This is another example of the biggest problem with WCW at the moment. Jeff Jarrett vs. Rey Mysterio could be an entertaining match between two very talented guys but instead we’re getting the Animals being all goofy and flat out stupid referees who either don’t notice or don’t care about what’s right in front of them. This was an insult to the fans’ intelligence and a waste of something that could have been entertaining.

Post break Jarrett challenges the Animals to a six man on Thunder.

The Starrcade opponent’s limo arrives.

WCW World Title: Stevie Ray vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is defending and Stevie’s career is on the line. Stevie jumps him in the aisle to start until Midajah gets in a pipe shot to the back. Hudson tries to push the idea of a ten year feud between the Steiners and Harlem Heat because a team that formed in 1993 can have a ten year feud in just seven years.

Steiner takes it inside for the big pounding before cutting off a comeback with a shot to the ribs. After a quick trip outside to yell at some fans, Steiner plants him with a belly to belly for two. Stevie kicks him in the face and grabs a bad DDT, only to have Midajah offer a distraction.

An even worse looking Book End puts Steiner down again for no cover. We get an awkward sequence where Stevie can’t get his boot up to Steiner’s ribs so they head outside where Steiner is sent into the barricade. Back in and another suplex gets two for the champ but he walks into the Slap Jack for one. The announcers are just burying Stevie for being blown up here. An electric chair drop sets up the Recliner to end this mess.

Rating: F. Yeah there’s no defending this and it’s clear that Stevie Ray had no business being in the ring at this point. You can’t be blown up five minutes into a match and drag the World Champion down in his first title defense. I get the idea behind the match but this was a disaster and one of the worst matches I’ve seen in a long time.

Post match Sid Vicious returns as the challenger for Starrcade. It makes sense given that he was never defeated for the title but it’s December 2000 and Sid Vicious is challenging for the World Title while Goldberg has another match with Lex Luger.

Overall Rating: F. Oh yeah they’ve given up. It’s clear that they’re just setting up a bunch of rematches and/or stupid matches at Starrcade because Sid is their idea of a draw. Yeah Goldberg vs. Luger is happening again for absolutely no logical reason and it seems that we’re still getting the Insiders vs. the Thrillers again, plus the three team ladder match.

WCW has given up on trying to do their best and is just throwing out whatever old names they have because for some reason it took them this long to get to Steiner. Why Goldberg, as in the guy who could conceivably draw money as the World Champion, is stuck carrying Luger to another bad match is beyond me but that’s what we’re getting because Steiner needs to beat up a “legend” at the biggest show of the year. This is another great example of an idea that should have been a layup but somehow WCW has managed to screw it up because that’s how things work around here.

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Thunder
Date: October 25, 2000
Location: Alltel Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray, Mike Tenay

It’s the final show before Halloween Havoc and hopefully Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett gets a little more time this week. This show is now being taped after Monday Nitro so there’s a chance that some of the guys might not be up to their usual speed. On top of that there’s the chance that WCW could manage to put on a show full of errors that could defy all logic and intelligence. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The opening video focuses on the three big matches at Halloween Havoc. They’re building those up very well.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Kwee Wee

Reno is defending because this title is still a thing for reasons that I don’t quite get. Kwee Wee brings out pink garbage cans. Where would you get one of those? They start slugging it out with the trashcan lids with the champ getting the better of it and dropping a knee onto the lid onto Kwee Wee’s head. To sum up the value of the title, Stevie points out that Reno wasn’t brought to Australia for the two week tour. Yeah a champion wasn’t brought in for two weeks and I don’t think anyone noticed he was gone.

Kwee Wee tries to load up a table but gets hit in the face with a trashcan for his efforts. Well that’s what he deserves. They fight into the crowd but are quickly up to DJ Ran’s booth. I feel like I’m back up in 1999’s area. That goes nowhere so they come back to the ring where Paisley breaks up a Roll of the Dice. Not that it matters as Kwee Wee misses what looked like an elbow drop, setting up the Roll of the Dice to retain the title.

Rating: D. What do you want me to say here? One uninteresting guy beat up a slightly interesting guy with a bunch of nothing weapons shots as the announcers talked about how no one missed the Hardcore Champion being gone for over two weeks. This division needs to die in a hurry because it’s so uninteresting by now.

Post match Paisley gets a Roll of the Dice until AWOL (challenging for the title at the pay per view) comes out for the save.

Buff Bagwell insists that he and Stacy Keibler are just friends. He’s the stuff though.

Here are the Thrillers, minus Stasiak, with something to say. Problem #1 with the Thrillers: they’re picking Shawn Stasiak to turn face out of all the options they have. Nash calls the Thrillers the future and wants Stasiak out here right now. Shawn does as he’s told and says that Nash is like Bobby Knight, making him at least the second and probably twentieth person to make that comparison. Nash isn’t going to tolerate this and says that Shawn needs to assume the position for a cricket bat spanking. For some reason Stasiak does as he’s told again but Palumbo blocks the bat from connecting….and that’s that. Ok then.

Buff Bagwell vs. MI Smooth

Smooth is still a thing? Buff poses a lot to start so Smooth kicks him in the ribs. Now why has no one else ever thought to do that? Well apparently Buff has because Smooth makes the mistake of posing and gets kicked in the ribs as well. They keep up their slow offense with Buff avoiding a splash in the corner and hitting the double arm DDT. A Blockbuster puts Smooth away in a hurry.

David Flair comes in to go after Buff’s blood but eats a DDT.

Here’s the Cat with Miss Jones to challenge Mike Sanders to a mixed tag. “You can bring a woman or put one of the Thrillers in drag.” Well they’ve been humiliated enough times otherwise so why not. Sanders brings out Leia Meow and tells her she can either wrestle or lose her job.

The Cat/Ms. Jones vs. Mike Sanders/Leia Meow

The guys get things going and Cat kicks Sanders right in the face to knock him outside, meaning it’s already off to the women. To be fair, they’re more interesting than anything the men were going to do. Meow is annoyed at Mike though and rides him around while Cat puts a cup over Sanders’ face. Mike gets up for a sunset flip, earning him a shot to the face and a double pin from the women. This would be another match where they tried to be funny and failed about as hard as they could have.

Booker T. and Sting are ready for their six man tag tonight.

The big interview this week is with Goldberg, who spends a good deal of time sucking up to the Australian fans before moving on to talk about the Streak and Starrcade 1998. That brings us back to the new Streak and Goldberg knows how he’s going to beat Kronik. Of course he won’t tell us how he’s going to do that because he’d rather tell us how he regrets beating up David Flair, though it had to be done. Praise for everyone who has gotten him here and a plug for his book ends this mostly worthless interview.

Big Vito vs. Vampiro

This could be fun. They actually go to the mat to start with Vampiro getting the better of it (that’s not surprising) before just stopping to stare at the crowd. Vito doesn’t attack because he’s not an MI Smooth fan, meaning it’s time for a slugout with Vito getting the better of it (of course).

They head outside with Vito sending him into the barricade before dropping the top rope headbutt for two. It wasn’t quite a swan but maybe an ostrich with a bad limp. The top rope elbow gets the same and it’s off to a sleeper of all things. You don’t often see that on a heel. Vampiro fights out (because it was a sleeper) and gets in a spinwheel kick for two of his own. A legdrop gets the same for Vito but his top rope splash hits knees. The Nail in the Coffin puts Vito away.

Rating: C. Fine enough but Vito has fallen through the floor since Russo left. Vampiro was fine but he better lose to Awesome on Sunday if Awesome is getting a World Title match the next night on Nitro. Vito is fine in this jobbing role but right now they need new names. To be fair though, was anyone thinking that it was going to be Vito?

Lance Storm/Elix Skipper vs. Corporal Cajun/Lieutenant Loco

Storm is still ticked off about the parody which wasn’t very funny in the first place. Cajun starts with Storm and hits a reverse White Noise for no cover as Storm is right back up. Well so much for that. It’s off to Skipper who eats a clothesline, only to have Storm enziguri him from the apron.

Tenay’s big news of the match: Elix Skipper DID NOT play in the Canadian Football League. Remember when Mike did a five or six part documentary series on lucha libre? Now this is what we’re stuck with instead. A quick X Factor gets Cajun out of trouble and it’s a double tag to bring in Storm and Loco. Everything breaks down and Duggan has to be taken out by Rection and AWOL. Gunns accidentally hits Loco with the Canadian flag but Loco rolls through for a pin on Storm anyway.

Rating: D+. There were some decent spots in there but I’m so sick of seeing these teams fight. I can’t believe that The Gunns thing is even an issue anymore as they stopped trying to make her Canadian (and to make the male fans drool over her) a long time ago. Storm has lost almost all of his momentum, though a lot of that is due to fighting a guy named General Rection.

Jeff Jarrett and Kronik say they’ll win tonight.

Halloween Havoc video.

Disco Inferno vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Sean O’Haire

Same idea as Monday and there’s nothing wrong with that. O’Haire takes over with some big right hands before both smaller guys get in shots to the head through the ropes. Disco trips and pulls Sean to the floor for some posting before dropping Rey with a bulldog. Rey’s moonsault is caught in midair for a powerslam, only to have Disco get in a shot to take over again.

Disco can’t launch Rey high enough for a hurricanrana but it looks enough like a dropkick to work. Rey takes Disco to the floor with a hurricanrana as the partners start fighting outside. Kidman climbs the post to bulldog Disco but Rey dives on Jindrak instead of covering. Back inside and it’s Sean with the springboard Seanton Bomb on Disco for the pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t as fun as the match on Monday but that’s due to having inferior talent here. I’m liking the idea of splitting up the triple threat tag match into two triple threat singles matches as it gives you something to keep the build going while not having any team actually lose. It’s almost like whoever is running this show has a better idea of how wrestling works without needing to use a lead pipe or whatever brilliant idea the writers have thought of this week.

Jeff Jarrett/Kronik vs. Goldberg/Booker T./Sting

Makes as much sense as any other main event they could put on. Jeff talks some basic trash before the match. Booker’s comeback is to tell Jeff to shut up because he isn’t the best talker in the world. Booker and Jarrett get things going with a couple of kicks putting the champion in early control. Goldberg comes in and gets to face Adams as Mike says the Streak can be broken if Goldberg gets pinned here. I can go with that.

A single right hand puts Adams down so it’s off to Sting vs. Clark with the painted one avoiding a knee in the corner. There’s a very early Deathlock but Adams makes a save. It’s already back to Booker who scores with a spinning forearm, only to eat a DDT. Jarrett comes in but takes a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys on the mat.

Booker is smart enough to tag in Goldberg and Sting at the same time as everything breaks down. Goldberg’s spear hits the post but he easily kicks out of Clark’s cover. High Times plants Goldberg but Sting comes in with a low blow. Seriously? That’s our hero? Scott Steiner comes out to go after Booker, allowing Sting to hit the Death Drop on Jarrett for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here with the pace being kept up throughout and an actually clean(ish) pin. I’m not sure on having Sting pin Jarrett this close to a pay per view but you take what you can get where you can get it. At least Goldberg didn’t get to kick out of High Times just yet, though you know he’s going to no sell the thing on Sunday.

Post match Steiner hits Booker with the pipe, allowing the heels to destroy their upcoming opponents to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This could have been a lot worse but they’re doing a miserable job of setting up Halloween Havoc. Even after watching this show, I’m still not sure what the majority of the card is supposed to be or why I’m supposed to care. The three main events are fine enough but there’s a firm limit on how far those things can carry a show with a DNA match (whatever that is) on the card as well.

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Monday Nitro #263
Date: October 23, 2000
Location: Alltel Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray, Mark Madden

We’re stateside again and it’s the go home show for Halloween Havoc which actually has a pretty solid looking card. Of course I don’t expect WCW to actually make that work but at least the build hasn’t been the worst. Unfortunately you never can tell what the final push for something like this is going to be. Let’s get to it.

We open with a montage of events from Australia.

Opening sequence.

Perfect Event vs. Harris Brothers

Kevin Nash is on commentary. Stasiak slugs away at Don to start and stomps away in the corner. The announcers are stunned that he’s doing anything right so Don clotheslines Shawn down to take over. Palumbo comes in and gets beaten down as well, only to run the corners to dropkick Don off the apron. At least that looked good. An ankle scissors out of the corner looks good as well but Palumbo gets in an argument with Stasiak so Shawn drops to the floor. The H Bomb ends Palumbo in a hurry.

Post match Nash gets in the ring so Stasiak gets in his face, only to have Nash drive him into the corner. No punches are thrown but Nash takes his hat off and gives Stasiak a serious look. Stasiak leaves so Nash gets on commentary again to promise tough love.

Mike Sanders is ready for his kickboxing match on Sunday and has a three round exhibition set up for tonight. This could go so many bad ways I don’t even know how to laugh at it.

Gene brings out Booker T. for a chat. Booker knows that people think he’s crazy but he’s out doing this for his fans and his family every single night. When he came down the ramp tonight, it was like a light bulb went off over his head because this is what it’s all about. Booker doesn’t think much of Scott Steiner and just like everyone else, Scott is going to have to kill him to take this title. Steiner better be ready to take a beating because Booker is going to have all these fans in his corner.

Cue Steiner and Midajah, hopefully to breathe some life into this thing. Steiner talks about Ebonics and welfare before saying Booker is only holding the title until Scott knocks him out. The brawl is on in the aisle but Jeff Jarrett jumps Booker from behind to put the champ down. There go the lights and it’s Sting with the save, probably setting up a main event. The locker room comes out to break it up, which always feels better than referees and goons. Awesome and Steiner point at each other a lot to tease something for later. This started slow but the pull apart brawl helped it a lot.

Post break, Steiner says he wants Awesome tonight and makes sheep noises.

Here’s Sanders in head gear for his kickboxing exhibition but first he says that he’s from Badstreet USA. The further down you go the worse it gets and he lives in the last house on the left. Thankfully the announcers are all over the Freebirds ripoff as the opponents are revealed as the Jung Dragons.

Before the match, Sanders puts something on his gloves before Jamie-San starts it like a wrestling match. A shot to the eyes blinds Jamie and a right hand is enough for the knockout. The same thing happens to Yang but Kaz gets in a few good shots, including sending Mike into the buckles a few times. That earns Kaz a shot to the eyes as well, setting up a kick for the third knockout. Leia Meow comes in for a low blow but Mike is wearing a cup. Sanders threatens her with the cup but here’s Ms. Jones to interrupt, allowing Cat to sneak in to KO Sanders. I’m not calling it a match but total waste of TV time.

Here’s Kronik to say that this thing with Goldberg started as business but now it’s personal. Goldberg may want the money but they’ve got a lot more to prove. If Goldberg wins, he beats two monsters and looks awesome. That’s not happening though because that’s not how it works in the real world. We’re not done yet though as Kronik has some new clients in 3 Count. Apparently they’ve hired Kronik to make sure no one interrupts their performance tonight. Clark doesn’t want to hear the music though so it’s time for a match.

Kronik vs. 3 Count

Well by match I mean a squash lasting 56 seconds before High Times puts Evan away.

Nash has a test for Stasiak tonight. In addition to that, Nash isn’t in a good mood tonight because Scott Hall received his walking papers last week. This Outsiders gimmick isn’t a work though so they’ll run again.

Here are the Misfits in Action dressed as Team Canada for the parody promo. Loco is the former 100 Ounces and Under Champion, AWOL, with his ten foot board, is Jigsaw Jim Jughead (Did the Clowns give him nickname lessons?) and Cajun makes a lot of lame Canada jokes, all of them capped off with an “eh?”. Loco goes on about being Wine Time and implies he was the water boy in the Canadian Football League. Rection finally ends this and says he’s taking the title and they’re taking Major Gunns back because that story is STILL going.

That 70s Guy hits on Pamela and would be glad to face Steiner tonight. Just let him be the monster that he’s perfect as instead of this goof. Thankfully he gets serious and promises to give Steiner a beating before he wins the title next week.

Here are Nash and the Thrillers with Kevin talking about the Outsiders again. They were a real team but Stasiak needs to learn the concept.

Goldberg vs. Shawn Stasiak

This is the test and it’s over in 40 seconds. We’re three matches in and have seen less than five minutes of wrestling.

Goldberg says he’ll take care of Kronik on Sunday.

Filthy Animals vs. Boogie Knights vs. O’Haire/Jindrak is official for Sunday. That could be good if they don’t make the champions look horrible again.

Billy Kidman vs. Alex Wright vs. Mark Jindrak

Before the match, Disco promises that he and Alex are launching an official investigation into finding out who let the dogs out. See, there are a lot of drunk drivers in Little Rock and Disco wants the dogs to be safe. Jindrak gets double teamed to start as Stevie picks Alex to win this. A German suplex gets two on Mark with Kidman making the save. That earns Kidman a torture rack neckbreaker but Alex dropkicks Mark for two more. Everything breaks down on the floor and Kidman gets launched into the ring and he grabs the Kid Crusher to put Alex away in another way too short match.

It’s a big brawl post match with the Animals clearing out the ring.

Crowbar, again in the 70s gear, hits on Pamela until Jimmy Hart comes in to say Crowbar has a match.

The announcers talk about the pay per view.

Video on David Flair going insane trying to find out who fathered Stacy Keibler’s baby.

Video on Sunday’s three big matches.

Vampiro vs. Crowbar

For some reason Vampiro has nunchucks and takes over very quickly with some hard shots. A hard whip into the barricade cuts off Crowbar’s comeback because the shots with a deadly weapon didn’t do enough damage. They get inside for the first time and chop it out as Madden calls Vampiro an angry Count Chockula. Crowbar comes back and sends Vampiro to the floor for the apron splash. With nothing else working, Crowbar drives his fingers into Vampiro’s eyes. Madden: “He’s not a bowling ball!”

Some good looking right hands knock Vampiro into the barricade and Crowbar drives him HARD into the steps. Vampiro actually suckers him in to take over again as the announcers try to figure out why this match is taking place. It’s very telling that the idea of “they’re fighting because the company put together a show instead of some authority figure” is unthinkable. Back in and Vampiro sends him flying with something like a belly to belly superplex to give the fans a sends of genuine excitement.

Crowbar starts no selling chair shots and pelts the chair at Vampiro to break up something off the ropes. Vampiro kicks the chair into Crowbar’s face for two but Crowbar crotches him off the ropes, setting up a slingshot flip legdrop onto the chair. They fight over to the DJ Ran booth (I’ll give you a minute to take in the fact that DJ Ran is still a thing in October 2000) where two druids set up a pair of tables. Crowbar fights off the druids but gets chokeslammed through the tables (Tony: “As only a vampire can!”) for the knockout win.

Rating: B+. This was a heck of a fight as these guys just beat the heck out of each other for nearly ten minutes. If there’s a better hidden gem in WCW than Crowbar I have no idea who he is because Crowbar continues to be awesome every time he’s in the ring. I had a really good time with this as they were giving it everything they had instead of doing anything resembling a match. On a side note, it’s really sad to get excited over a match nearly breaking ten minutes but it’s so rare for TV these days.

Post match Vampiro says this is all on Mike Awesome, who put him out two months ago. Vampiro wants to fight Mike this Sunday because that’s what Vampiro does best. Vampiro: “Be there or be square.”

Crowbar gets stretchered out.

Konnan vs. Shane Douglas

Actually hang on because Shane has a bad arm. Torrie has been a nervous, medicated wreck all week because her man can’t take care of her. Konnan offers her a facial and I’m going to hope you don’t know what that can mean. For some reason Shane keeps calling him Carlos but Konnan says he’s heard it’s a legitimate injury so they won’t fight.

Shane jumps him anyway but gets taken down onto the arm. Konnan slaps on a freaky submission where he wraps his leg around Shane’s head and cranks on the arm which is quickly released for no logical reason. The bad arm is sent into the steps, only to have Torrie slip in a chain. A left hand and the Franchiser put Konnan away quick to make sure that he looks even more worthless.

Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

During the entrances, Tony offers his condolences on the passing of Yokozuna. However, Steiner cuts off the feelings by bringing out A TIGER. As in the tiger comes down to ringside and then leaves about five seconds later. I have no idea why that happened but it certainly got my attention. Booker comes out as a surprise commentator, or as much of a surprise as you can be while your video plays over Awesome’s music. Awesome takes over to start and gets two off a slingshot splash.

The Awesome Splash gets the same as Booker talks about wanting to face Mike next week. Midajah, in her five inch heels, comes in and kicks Awesome over the top. Back in and a suplex (not a fall away slam Tony) allows Steiner to do some pushups. Mike breaks up a superplex attempt and gets two off a top rope clothesline. The Awesome Bomb is loaded up but Midajah grabs the boot, allowing Steiner to get in a pipe shot. A top rope Angle Slam sets up the Recliner to put Awesome away. There’s your #1 contender people.

Rating: D+. This is a case of the horrible booking overtaking the decent action. Of all the people they have in this company they had to job the guy who is getting a guaranteed World Title match in a week? There was NO ONE else around? Like, Sting for instance? He and Jarrett didn’t get any real focus tonight so why not have Jarrett do the distraction so Steiner can beat him and set up two things at once? Too logical I guess but it would have been better than Awesome losing here.

Booker looks a little scared to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. You really can feel the lack of Russo’s influence around this time as you can understand the stories throughout the show and even get some decent action in there. Unfortunately you also get five matches that add up to about nine minutes of wrestling. There comes a point where you just need some good wrestling and I really can’t imagine that’s going to be the case at the pay per view. They’re on the right track but they need a lot of effort to make this whole thing work again.

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Monday Nitro #262
Date: October 16, 2000
Location: Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne, Australia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray, Mark Madden

We’re still in Australia and that’s been a good thing so far. Halloween Havoc is in less than two weeks and we’ve got the main event set but the main story seems to be more about humiliating the Natural Born Thrillers at every given chance. Other than that we have Goldberg trying to recreate the Streak with the Sid Vicious formula of knocking people out and counting it as a win. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Boogie Knights vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

Disco and Wright are challenging in a rematch from last week where the Knights pinned the champions. This is different from Thunder where the champions were pinned again as Thunder resulted in a title change whereas the previous match was restarted. Before the match, Alex rambles in German and Disco says the Thrillers are barred from ringside. The champs try to get in a cheap shot from behind to start but Disco gets a quick one off a swinging neckbreaker.

Alex gets two off a powerslam as Madden wonders why Wright has no hair. Jindrak hits Disco from the apron to take over as the fans are yelling at Disco because heel vs. heel matches aren’t a good idea. Mark puts Disco on the top rope for some hard shots to the jaw and everything breaks down, meaning it’s time for a ref bump. The Seanton Bomb misses and Disco gives Mark the Chartbuster, only to have Kronik come in with High Times to Disco. Tony: “It’s the hired guns of Mark Sanders.” Wright gets beaten down as well, allowing Jindrak to retain the titles.

Rating: D. More of the same here but at least the champions didn’t get pinned again. I can live with them being laid out with a finisher because there was no count but having them pinned twice on TV in a week was a huge bullet to their credibility. The Knights are a nice team and fit together well. I’m actually digging their stuff as both of them are good in the ring when they cut out the comedy stuff.

Sanders tells Nash that they’re about to take over WCW. Nash says he’s too hung over to do anything tonight.

Goldberg arrives.

The Thrillers come in to see the Cat and Miss Jones to talk about Nash being annoyed. Cat yells at them so Sanders makes Sting vs. Nash tonight. That’s not it though as Cat makes it a lumberjack match. Boy it’s convenient that Nash just said not to book him.

Team Canada vs. Misfits in Action

Before the match, Storm talks about being sick of Australia and promises to give Rection a preview of Halloween Havoc. It’s Loco/Cajun/AWOL for the Misfits here with Rection nowhere in sight. Skipper and Loco get things going and here’s Rection through the crowd to pull Storm off the apron. So why not just have him come out with them in the first place? Security quickly ejects him as Duggan comes in to beat on Loco.

AWOL gets the tag and is immediately dropkicked in the knee so it’s back to Loco as the beating continues. Everything breaks down (of course) and the referee gets bumped (of course), allowing Cajun to dropkick Skipper through the table (of course). Gunns slides in a chair to the wrong man but Storm’s shot to Loco’s back only gets two. Instead it’s the Maple Leaf making Cajun tap a few seconds later.

Rating: D. I’m getting tired of this same match structure over and over. You’re almost guaranteed a ref bump and some interference, but above all else you’re almost guaranteed that Team Canada will beat the Misfits with Gunns screwing something up. This has been the story for months now and it stopped being interesting when it started.

Here are Shane Douglas and Torrie to insult the fans. Shane invited the Filthy Animals to come out here for a fight right now.

Shane Douglas vs. Filthy Animals

Yes a heel is in a handicap match against non-jobbers. In this case that would be Konnan/Mysterio/Tygress, meaning we’re in our third match and are already on our fourth stable. The Animals destroy Shane until he maces them for a quick DQ.

Post match Konnan gets handcuffed to the ropes while Shane piledrives (not a shoulder breaker Tony) Mysterio.

Stasiak and Palumbo are mad about getting beaten up by Goldberg so Nash tells them to drop it.

Mysterio is put in an ambulance.

Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo vs. Crowbar/Mike Awesome

Nash is on commentary. Awesome and Palumbo get things going as Nash wants the 70s music abolished. Palumbo springboard dropkicks Awesome to the floor and the fans start chanting for Mike. A Stasiak baseball slide hits Palumbo by mistake and it’s time for an argument, allowing Awesome to dive over the top to take them both down. Things settle back down to Palumbo headscissoring Crowbar down to set up a superkick out to the floor.

Crowbar hurricanranas Palumbo and drops a slingshot legdrop on Stasiak for two. It’s back to Awesome who gets crotched on top and superplexed as Nash and Madded continue to riff on the match by talking about how horrible a student Stasiak is. Stasiak hits Palumbo by mistake and an Awesome Splash is enough to pin Shawn.

Rating: D. Even when they bring someone up to help bolster the roster they can’t help but screw things up. Nash was the star here because he’s the coach with the stupid kids under his wings and as usual, the Thrillers are made to look like losers. They’re going out of their way for this stuff at the moment and I have no idea what the point of this could be. I’m sure they’re doing this to draw money or whatever because that’s all WCW was ever about.

Nash throws a chair into the ring ala Bobby Knight to make sure you know this is ALL about Nash instead of anyone else.

Douglas is proud about what he did and wants a World Title shot tonight. Torrie calls Pamela Paulshock a very bad word.

David Flair wants Buff Bagwell in a DNA match at Halloween Havoc, whatever that is. Sanders gives him the match but has a job for David tonight.

Johnny the Bull vs. Kwee Wee

Fallout from the Lava Lamp Lounge. Kwee Wee monkey flips him to start and Johnny snaps his ankle, giving Kwee Wee a pin in about twenty seconds.

Johnny is taken out on a stretcher.

Here’s the Cat with Miss Jones for a chat. Cat hates Madden (join the club) but wants to dance. They both dance but Cat says he isn’t out here to dance. Instead he wants to beat up Mike Sanders because there isn’t room for two commissioners. Sanders comes out and says he doesn’t have time tonight but he’ll beat Cat up at Halloween Havoc. Cue Kronik to go after Cat (who makes drug references) but Goldberg comes to the ring and says bring it. Sanders holds Kronik back and Kronik accuses Goldberg of believing their own hype. A lot of trash talk keeps this going for a bit but nothing happens.

WCW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Booker T.

Scott Steiner is on commentary. I’m so glad that WCW gave this the proper fifteen minutes of build that it deserved. The bell rings and we cut to Konnan telling Tygress to wait on him because he has something to do. Stevie talks about having his money on Booker in Vegas as Booker kicks Shane in the face. Torrie trips Booker but we cut to the fans for no logical reason. Couldn’t we cut to Torrie instead?

They fight to the floor with Shane getting the better of it, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. We hit the chinlock as Steiner wants to know why Shane isn’t going after the knee. Fair point but then again Steiner is a known genius. The reverse Hennig neck snap gets two on the champ but Steiner is telling Shane to go after the knee. If the knee is already bad, wouldn’t it be better for Steiner to have two injured body parts?

Booker fights out of a neck crank with a spinebuster and Steiner is suddenly the best analyst in the company. As in he’s calling moves and explaining what Shane should be doing to stay on the injuries. Torrie puts a chain on Shane’s hand but Kidman runs out for a save. That brings Steiner out of the chair to attack Kidman so here’s Konnan to jump Steiner. Now Jarrett comes out to attack Konnan, leaving Booker to Bookend Shane to retain the title.

Rating: D+. The neck stuff was fine and Steiner was entertaining in a very different way than usual but the five people interfering continues to make you want to scream SETTLE DOWN ALREADY. I’m still not sure why Shane got a title shot in the first place other than saying he wanted one but stranger things have happened in WCW.

Post break, Midajah yells at Kidman in Spanish and Steiner wants to fight Kidman tonight.

David Flair vs. Goldberg

This is Sanders’ brilliant idea because when you think about a way to get rid of Goldberg, you think of David Flair. Before the match, here’s Ric Flair to do commentary. Goldberg doesn’t want to fight David so he shoves David away, followed by the spear and Jackhammer for the pin in about a minute.

Ric stares at Goldberg before checking on David.

Kidman says he’s as tight with the Filthy Animals as Pamela is in her top. He’s ready for Steiner tonight. Konnan doesn’t like Scott either.

Scott Steiner vs. Kidman

Before the match, Steiner does a profanity laced version of AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE before beating up a fan. Steiner throws Kidman around to start and tries a powerbomb but thankfully some things are sacred and Kidman faceplants him. That’s about it for Kidman though as Steiner gives him the super Angle Slam, followed by the Recliner to end the squash.

Preview of a profile on Goldberg airing on CNN.

Konnan vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett interrupts Konnan as he allows Tygress to feel his hat but the rolling clothesline drops Jeff to the floor. Konnan has a chair knocked out of his hands and Jeff blasts him instead, allowing them to head back inside. A faceplant drops Jeff and it’s time for a Bronco Buster until Shane Douglas comes out to grab Tygress. Torrie goes after her as well, allowing Jeff to bring in the guitar, which hits Tygress by mistake. The Stroke puts Konnan away in a hurry.

Jarrett puts Konnan in the Scorpion.

Earlier this week, Kevin Nash had his own beer made. Ok then.

Kevin Nash vs. Sting

Lumberjack match with almost everyone we’ve seen tonight and a few others around the ring. Nash, in theory still hung over, goes right for Sting to start and fires off the knees in the corner. Sting knocks him to the floor for a beating by the Misfits and it’s time to work on Nash’s knee. The Scorpion is on in a hurry but the Thrillers helps pull Nash to the ropes. Back in and the Stinger Splash is broken up with a raised boot and Nash takes over again. Snake Eyes sets up a neck crank as I wouldn’t mind if they got to the brawl instead of going through the motions like this.

Steiner and Booker get in a fight while Nash cranks on Sting’s neck as everyone fights on the floor, setting off a GOLDBERG chant. Sting fights back with a bunch of clotheslines but the referee gets bumped on a Stinger Splash attempt. Cue Jeff with a guitar to knock Sting cold though and give Nash the pin.

Rating: D. What else were you expecting here? Lumberjack matches almost always go this way and there’s almost no way around it. Jarrett just hitting him with the guitar for the win was probably better than having whatever other nonsense they might have gone with here. At least the hung over stuff didn’t amount to anything, which is definitely the best for everyone involved.

Nash pulls down the straps and Tony freaks out but nothing happens to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The overbooking has brought the show back down to normal (well normal by WCW 2000 standards) and it’s still just as annoying. You had all of the screwy endings and the far too short matches because everything had to be packed in to a single show. There’s really no reason why a three hour Raw has fewer matches than a two hour episode of Nitro. On top of that, aside from the two main events, WCW has done a horrible job of setting up the pay per view. I have almost no idea what the other matches are and the limited build we’ve gotten goes nowhere. Bad show again and for all the worst reasons.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #259
Date: September 25, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

We have arrived. If you’ve read this far, you probably know what’s coming and you know there’s no way around it. Tonight we’re in Vince Russo’s hometown and he’s in a cage match for the WCW World Title. This is a show I’ve been dreading for a long time, even though it was pretty obviously coming months ago. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video designed like an inspirational sports story on Vince Russo, who has climbed the ladder to earn his destiny here in his hometown. Ignore the lines about him “growing up and wanting to be WCW Champion” as he would have gotten the WWWF and the WCW World Title didn’t exist until he was nearly thirty years old.

Opening sequence.

Earlier today Russo and Jeremy Borash arrived with JB now acting as Russo’s biggest fan. Russo: “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP???”

Big Vito vs. Johnny the Bull

The announcers swoon over Vito’s sister Maria, who is sitting in the front row. This is a stick ball bat vs. a kendo stick match because those are different things (as well as extra phallic objects along with the pipe and baseball bat). Vito slugs away in the corner but gets taken down by a stick shot to the ribs.

The fans chant for Vito (also from New York of course) as he’s down in the corner, followed by a spinwheel kick from Johnny. Naturally the announcers preview the swimsuit contest later as they’re not even hiding the cheap ratings ploy. Vito comes back with some stick shots of his own and kicks Johnny into the ropes, setting up even more stick shots.

That would be the kendo stick of course because Vito is just that versatile. Cue Reno with a kendo stick of his own to lay out Vito before tying him in the Tree of Woe for sticks to the ribs. Maria jumps the barricade to shield Vito….and THAT’S the DQ instead of Reno pounding on him for a minute and a half.

Rating: D. The only good thing here was the very pretty Maria but I have a feeling where this is going. You know she’s related to one of them and there’s some backstory here, which to be fair is a much more interesting and coherent story (in theory at least) than most of the goofy stuff we get around here.

According to the announcers, that was an I Quit match and Maria did the submitting for him. I’m so glad they got around to that after plugging MAJOR GUNNS IS GOING TO BE IN A BIKINI LATER!

The announcers preview the main event.

Earlier this week, David Flair hijacked a pay phone and it’s attached phone book to find the baby father’s address. Thank goodness they showed him finding the address at THIS phone booth because there’s no other phone booth on the planet.

Here are Jarrett/Steiner/Midajah with something to say. Jarrett promises us a new champion tonight because the hometown boy is going to bring home the gold. Steiner can’t believe that people boo him when they cheer for the New York sports teams. We get an insult to a New York Jet and some shots at Goldberg before Steiner introduces Russo for some sucking up to the fans.

Russo lists off some great names in New York sports and says his name is going up in the rafters next to theirs. However, now he lives in Atlanta, where they have NASCAR, the Georgia Bulldogs (having a bad year at this point), cousins breeding with cousins and John Rocker. Russo doesn’t care much for Rocker, who went on some big rant about how much he hates New York City around this time. Cue Sting and Booker on the screen because we’re still not done talking about Russo. Sting says he has Booker’s back tonight but for now, Russo needs to turn around. Russo does just that and Goldberg is in the crowd.

Mike Sanders comes in to see Kronik, who are out of the tag team battle royal as per Russo’s orders. So the Thrillers are officially errand boys?

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera, Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire, 3 Count (all three members), Harris Brothers, Corporal Cajun/Lieutenant Loco, Jung Dragons (Jamie-San/Kaz Hayashi)

Last team standing wins the vacant titles and both members have to be eliminated. It’s a brawl to start of course as Konnan sits in on commentary, promising vengeance on Disqo and the Duck. Hayashi takes an H Bomb and is eliminated a few seconds later, laving Jamie-San on his own. Shane is sent over the top and through a table (of course) and here’s Kronik, who may or may not actually be in the match.

The Harris Brothers are put out in seconds and it’s time for Kronik to clean house. Adams dumps Jamie-San and Shannon, meaning all of 3 Count is eliminated because we missed Evan somewhere. There go the Misfits until security comes in to mace Kronik. We’re down to just the Thrillers vs. the Animals with Juvy fighting back as the Animals take over.

Rey gets crotched though (Hudson: “He got his bronco busted.”) and a Seanton Bomb makes it even worse. Cue Disqo to hit Juvy with the Duck (no effect of course), allowing Jindrak and O’Haire to dump him. The bell rings but Rey is still in, which we’ll call a referee screwup. O’Haire crotches Rey on top and Jindrak clotheslines him out for the titles.

Rating: D. More overbooked nonsense here as they could have just as easily done O’Haire/Jindrak vs. the Animals with the same finish or had the Animals defend in the battle royal. Instead they vacate the titles and have Kronik taken out for no explained reason (likely for not destroying Stevie well enough on Thunder), only to have Kronik make the entire division look like a joke. Well done indeed, as usual.

Pamela Paulshock is in the back with Howard Stern’s Wack Pack. Guess what they have to say. Of note, Paulshock is in a fur coat, which will come into play later. Nash and the Thrillers come in to interrupt them with Nash getting the only good line as he refers to Beetlejuice (a dwarf) as Elix.

Insane Clown Posse vs. Mike Awesome

This is over the bus and seems to be hardcore. Before the match, Violent J says Vampiro is out due to a broken spleen or something. We hear about some JCW wrestlers being hardcore but Mike is dead, just like the 70s. J actually isn’t a bad talker. Awesome drives the bus into the arena (thank goodness he was behind the wheel and right outside) and comes out swinging a fire extinguisher.

Shaggy hits him in the head with a trashcan and they pull Awesome on top of the bus. J is knocked off the engine and through a table, followed by an Awesome Bomb onto the top of the bus to Shaggy, who falls down to the concrete for the pin. This was a segment disguised as a match and really didn’t need to do that big spot.

David Flair, now with a camera in his car, goes to Chuck E. Cheese for directions. Since there’s already a camera set up inside, David is seen yelling at a worker and then searching through the ball pit for the father.

Here are Cat and Ms. Jones with the former calling out Russo. Cat is going to have Booker’s back tonight and promises to fire anyone who tries to interfere tonight. This brings out Mike Sanders with a ball bat. Mike: “Did somebody say Natural Born Thrillers?” Cat: “No. I said natural born ratings killers.” Egads man even the roster knows your show sucks at this point. The crowd swears at Sanders so the audio cuts out for a few moments before Sanders tells Cat to reverse that threat of a firing. The fight is on so here are Nash and the Thrillers for the big beatdown. Mark: “SPAY THE CAT!”

It’s time for the bikini contest with Gene and Pamela (still in fur coat) as emcees and the Wack Pack as judges. By the way: this is opening the second hour against Raw. The contestants (Chae, Chiquita, Torrie Wilson, Tygress, Paisley, Leia Meow and Major Gunns) come out and kind of disrobe, as some of them take their robes off while some open them but don’t take them off. Gunns goes last and has an American swimsuit, drawing out Jim Duggan to take her to the back.

The judges aren’t sure who wins so Pamela decides it’s time to take off her coat, naturally revealing a barely there top. She wins, so the actual contestants fight until Midajah comes out for one of the worst slams I’ve ever seen on Meow. The women looked good but when I can be watching Trish and Lita actually starting to develop as characters and having matches, this stops doing anything for me. Oh and over on Raw: Austin was recently back from injury and opening the show before Rock and Benoit had a World Title match later on. Guess how the ratings went.

Steiner is in the back for an interview when Goldberg attacks him.

Here are Disqo and his Duck, the former of whom doesn’t think much of the Animals. He wants to introduce his new partner but gets beaten down by Steiner. Scott calls out Goldberg, who immediately accepts but wants it in a cage with no referee.

Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner

Inside Caged Heat with ten seconds’ build. They brawl on the floor with Goldberg choking away as the cage is lowered. Goldberg throws him inside as the bell rings and my head shakes at how stupid this company really is. Steiner gets beaten down for the first minute or so until Scott comes back with a spinning belly to belly. A top rope clothesline puts Goldberg down, only to have him come back with a butterfly suplex.

There’s a low blow to put Goldberg down as Midajah comes out and just walks in to hand the pipe to Steiner. However, the New York Jet that Steiner insulted earlier jumps the barricade and keeps Steiner from leaving. Goldberg comes back with a spear (right into the pipe for no effect because the script doesn’t call for it) before walking out to win.

Rating: D-. Whenever you hear people praise Steiner vs. Goldberg, the automatic question is why didn’t they do it again at Starrcade. Well apparently that’s because they did it here, eight days later, inside the Cell in a match that didn’t even make five minutes and was more about a member of the New York Jets than any kind of revenge. Oh and again: THEY ANNOUNCD THIS SIX MINUTES BEFORE THE BELL.

You might think that the rematch of one of the most physical matches ever inside a cage would be a good way to open against this week’s Raw, but that spot was reserved for women in swimsuits, High Pitch Eric and Crackhead Bob. It’s the same short term thinking and the hope that people just happened to change the channel during the commercials for Raw and tune in to see whatever the latest thing WCW was rushing through at this point. I mean, it’s not like anyone was going to buy a pay per view to see these two fight so why not just throw it out here?

Goldberg says Russo is next.

Jeff Jarrett hits Beetlejuice with the guitar.

Booker promises backup for the main event. Thankfully he also has some devastating catchphrases to do some early damage to the boss.

General Rection vs. Jeff Jarrett

Rection shrugs off Jarrett’s early attack in the corner but misses a top rope elbow. Madden accuses the General of being a draft dodger as a sitout powerbomb gets two on Jeff. Cue Team Canada for a distraction, allowing Duggan to hit Rection with the board, setting up the Stroke to give Jeff the pin. Nothing match.

Jarrett puts Rection in the Figure Four until the Misfits come out for the save. That fails of course because the Misfits suck so it’s Sting coming out for the real save. The Canadians run but Storm wants Sting in a non-title match right now.

Sting vs. Lance Storm

This could be interesting. Joined in progress after a break with Storm in control and hitting that great dropkick for two. Three straight clotheslines have Storm in trouble but he crotches Sting on top. An elbow sends Storm to the floor where the Stinger Splash that always hits the barricade hits the barricade again. Back in and Storm gets two off a powerbomb but Sting starts his usual comeback. Storm however is CANADIAN and counters the Deathlock attempt into the Maple Leaf. After the rope is reached, Sting suplexes him down and puts on the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: C. Fine little match here, even though it was a clean pin on the US Champion. To be fair though, it was Sting instead of some goon to set up a title shot. I can actually live with that a lot more easily as Sting is one of the biggest names ever in WCW and a loss doesn’t do him that much damage. On a related side note: Lance Storm lost and regained the US Title from Terry Funk on the house show circuit over the weekend. As you might guess, this wasn’t mentioned on TV.

David Flair goes inside and demands that the father come out. Then it turns out he has the wrong house so he goes next door but no one is home. Apparently the guy is out of town, whoever he is. How the person who tells David that the father isn’t home knows who the father is isn’t clear as they somehow never said the guy’s name.

Russo, in football pads and carrying a helmet, promises to win tonight.

The cage is lowered.

WCW World Title: Vince Russo vs. Booker T.

You can win by pin or escape and JB is on commentary. Russo jumps him with the bat to start as a bunch of people are guarding the door to keep Russo inside. Back up and Russo blasts him in the chest with the bat and throws in a ladder. There’s a third bat shot so Russo can go up and tear the roof open, only to have the wrestlers waiting on him. Sting repels down from the ceiling to stop Russo as well, allowing Booker to slam him for the champ’s first offense.

Russo loses the helmet and gets punched in the face, followed by a superkick. They head outside for some slow brawling but LEX LUGER of all people returns to give Russo a lead pipe through the cage. Therefore, Russo gets to beat the champ down even more before shoving the referee down. The EMTs get beaten down….save for one who is Ric Flair. Ric beats Russo down until the Thrillers come out to brawl with everyone at ringside, leaving Booker to ax and side kick Russo.

Like any schnook though, Booker grabs the mic for his catchphrase instead of leaving. Cue Goldberg to slowly come down the ramp, which freezes Booker at the door for absolutely no reason. Even Scott Hudson screams at Booker to leave. Instead he lets Goldberg in as Scott Steiner comes out to guard the door. Goldberg spears Russo through the cage wall to make him the champ, but Booker high fives Goldberg anyway to end the show.

Rating: Vince Russo. I wrote most of this on Monday but I had to wait a few days to be able to start talking about it. This is something that I knew was coming but I actually had to take a break and process what I just sat through. The match itself is of course inconsequential but the big thing here is of course, Russo, as always.

I’m actually struggling to come up with a way to rip on this match. It’s one of those things that you know is horrible on all counts but it’s hard to go into why. Above all else, and this is a spoiler (for a show fifteen and a half years old), the problem is that this show meant nothing. Booker would get the title back a week later by beating Jeff Jarrett, making this whole thing a big waste of time.

This was Russo’s last match in WCW as his injuries (the real ones, not the ones that caused him to have brain surgery like two weeks ago) kept him out of the ring. I know I’m supposed to feel sorry for him about that but I’ve sat through six months of Russo putting himself over Flair, Goldberg, and now Booker for the title. Now I’m supposed to care about his injuries and feel bad that he had to vacate the belt and not wrestle anymore?

The whole thing was nothing more than a vanity project for Russo as he’s actually turned the promotion and the company’s World Title into a trophy for himself. I mean, I know we talk about Hogan and his friends turning the company into a huge vanity project that was all a playground for themselves, but that’s exactly what Russo has managed to do here. This whole company is now about Russo and whatever makes him look good.

Why would ANYONE want to watch this company again? It’s not about the wrestling or the title anymore. They have now decided that Russo getting to win a title that he “wanted since he was a kid” was more important than Booker, Goldberg (the two of whom looked like morons to end the show) or anything else that could possibly be going on here.

Oh and on top of that: Russo dominated WAY too much of the match. Remember St. Valentine’s Day Massacre when Austin fought McMahon, and by fought I mean absolutely destroyed for most of the match until a low blow slowed Austin down for like thirty seconds? This was Russo beating on Booker with a bat until a bunch of interference changed things around and set up the finish.

Finally, and speaking of McMahon, no this isn’t the same thing as when McMahon won the title a year earlier. For one thing, McMahon winning the title was a nice surprise as he was a face at the time and gave the fans something they wanted to see, unlike Russo who gave himself something he wanted to see. It also helped that McMahon had taken a loss or two here and there. Like him or not, you can’t deny that McMahon will get beaten whenever the story calls him for him to.

Third, look at where the promotions were at the time. The WWF was on fire and absolutely crushing WCW in the ratings. Russo’s title win came when WCW hadn’t won a night in the Monday Night Wars in nearly two years. The solution is to give the heel writer (as in the person who isn’t the owner or the official boss) the title to make himself feel better in his hometown while taking it off Booker. In other words, everything was about Russo instead of something that might have helped advance a storyline. But hey, people still talk about this so Russo is totally justified in all of this right?

Overall Rating: F. In addition to the disaster that was the main event, we also have the rest of the show to make WCW look ridiculous. I can’t emphasize this enough: they gave away Steiner vs. Goldberg II in a nothing five minute match inside the Cell. That gets no time, but Russo’s cage match is given a week’s build because he’s a draw and a star?

In addition to that you have the usual way too high amount of gimmick matches for no logical reason other than “PEOPLE LOVE GIMMICK MATCHES”, wrestling that either has no time or is such a mess because they have nowhere to go without doing some stupid story. Oh and there’s the swimsuit contest, which made the women look like even bigger wastes of time than Russo thinks they are.

Overall, you can’t say this was the death of WCW because the company had clearly gone under way earlier than this though. Instead, this was taking WCW’s casket out of the tomb and robbing whatever Russo could get out of it for the sake of making himself look good. It’s one of those shows where you know what’s coming and it’s so depressing because there’s nothing that can be done about it. They made it clear a long time ago that this place is all about Russo and now they’ve only confirmed it. Normally I would say something like “enjoy your title Russo because you’ve killed it” but that would probably just make him laugh.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AXP08DK

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #258
Date: September 18, 2000
Location: Dom Cardillo Arena, Kitchner, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

We’re past Fall Brawl and the big story is Booker getting the World Title back. It’s pretty clear that Scott Steiner is the next big challenger after his big win over Goldberg in one of WCW’s better matches of the year. The sad part is the match wasn’t even that great but WCW has gone so far down hill in match quality that it’s the best they can do. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Rey Mysterio/Tygress vs. Natural Born Thrillers

That would be Jindrak/O’Haire/Palumbo/Stasiak (on commentary)/Sanders and this is still under elimination rules as we’re continuing last night’s match where it left off. Mysterio kicks Jindrak down to start but Mark grabs a fireman’s carry neckbreaker before bringing in O’Haire for a sitout powerbomb. For some reason Mark feels the need to hold Rey down for the Seanton Bomb, which hits Jindrak by mistake. That sets up a double pin with Tygress pinning Jindrak and Rey pinning O’Haire at the same time.

Stasiak pops up off commentary and crotches Rey so Palumbo can jump on his back. Palumbo plants Rey with a lifting sitout Pedigree (nice move actually) as Kwee Wee comes out and hits Stasiak with a chair, allowing Tygress to pin Stasiak at the same time Palumbo pins Rey. Geez people stop with the double pins. Why would the referee even count those things? So it’s Palumbo/Sanders vs. Tygress so it should be interesting to see how lame they can make the Thrillers look here.

The referee shoves Palumbo into a rollup for the pin so it’s one on one. Sanders slowly takes his shirt off so Tygress grabs a sleeper, only to get snapmared down. Rey springboards back in with a dropkick to set up a Stuff Buster (X-Factor with a lot of gyrations) for the final pin (with more gyrations).

Rating: F. What the heck was that? You just had Tygress and Rey Mysterio pin the Natural Born Thrillers in five minutes for the sake of what? A storyline that involves Paul Orndorff who wasn’t actually in the arena that night? That’s their best idea? Tygress gets some pins, Rey gets some pins, and the Thrillers look like bigger goofs than usual? So much for whatever momentum this company had from last night.

Kevin Nash is sitting in the back and says the Thrillers need a coach. Of course he has nothing to say about losing the title last night because, as we’ve established over the years, the World Title means nothing to Kevin Nash.

Post break, Nash has apparently been accepted as the Thrillers’ coach. His game plan for the night winds up spelling out YOU SUCK.

Stills of Booker winning the title and Steiner vs. Goldberg from last night.

We go to the back for Goldberg’s entrance but it’s Vince Russo instead because of course it is. Yeah it’s not Steiner getting this entrance but Russo, because he’s the real winner you see. Russo gets lost in the back because his sense of direction is overshadowed by his MANLINESS. We get a MANLY walk down the aisle as Russo does Goldberg’s poses before pulling out a registered letter. The letter, addressed to Mr. Russo your honor SIR, is from Goldberg which says he’s unworthy of working for someone like Vince Russo.

Goldberg has failed the fans over and over and is clearly a total disgrace and loser, so therefore he resigns from WCW. On top of that, all the children should be looking up to Russo, just like Goldberg is now. Russo finally calls out Steiner and praises him for getting rid of Goldberg once and for all.

Steiner rants about how awesome he is and how he won the battle of the monsters last night. All he wanted to do was beat Goldberg up so he owes the fans an apology for ruining his career. This draws a GOLDBERG SUCKS chant but Steiner cuts it off by saying he wants the World Title. Therefore, next week, he’s guaranteeing that he’s the next World Champion. It doesn’t matter who wins tonight because he’ll beat Sting or Booker for the title. Russo doesn’t think so but here’s Jeff Jarrett before he can elaborate.

Sting didn’t beat him on Thunder so Jarrett deserves the title shot. Before that goes anywhere, Russo cuts them off because HE is the boss with all the power around here. Now it’s Nash coming out to say that he should have the first title shot and the fans seem pleased. For some reason this means a tag match with the winner getting a title shot next week. It’s going to be Steiner/Jarrett vs. Nash/…..Russo, who has wanted to be WCW World Champion his whole life, because he deserves to be champion. The shocked look on Nash’s face makes me want a Super Shredder spinoff movie.

Post break Steiner and Jarrett say this can’t happen. Wouldn’t they want this to happen?

Torrie Wilson/Shane Douglas vs. Kwee Wee/Paisley

This is the result of an open challenge from Shane. Allegedly this is a mixed tag but for some reason only Paisley is on the apron. Kwee Wee gets two off an early clothesline as Torrie (in a racecar themed outfit for some reason) jumps up to the apron, only to get kissed by her non-partner. Shane grabs the Franchiser for two because Paisley wants to fight Torrie. Instead Shane fakes a tag to Torrie and Franchises Paisley for the pin with a five count for no logical reason.

Post break, Russo is telling Nash his plan (it involves getting heat and a hot tag) but Nash gets the chalk and writes BITE ME.

Booker and Sting get in a fight in the back before their match tonight.

Disqo is in Cat’s office….and he has a duck. Apparently Disqo thinks Cat sucks as Commissioner and wants his job. Cat: “YOU’RE RUNNING AROUND WITH A BLOW UP GOOSE!” A match is made for Disqo getting to be Commissioner for a day, but if he loses then Rey and Juvy are stripped of the Tag Team Titles.

Disqo vs. The Cat

Before I can retype the stipulations, Cat kicks him in the face for the pin, meaning Rey and Juvy lose the titles.

The Animals run Disqo off.

Nash says he’s out of the tag match so Steiner and Jarrett can work it out themselves.

Disqo bails.

We see Mike Tenay’s interview with David Flair where Flair beats up the mailman.

MI Smooth is in the ring and calls out David for a chat. Apparently Smooth knows something about the father of the baby if the price is right. This brings out David with a crowbar but Smooth calms him down. Smooth has a video tape that shows who the father is. David pays but beats Smooth down with the crowbar instead.

Russo suggests Kronik for the tag match but gets yelled at for his efforts.

David makes a guy play the tape because he can’t go buy a VCR.

Terry Taylor sends Mike Sanders to see Russo, who sends Sanders to take a tape to Kronik.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Sting

Booker is defending but Sting drives him into the corner to start. A clothesline puts the champ down, only to have him pop up with a side kick. The Death Drop is countered into a Bookend attempt but Sting reverses into a Fujiwara Armbar of all things. The Deathlock is loaded up but here’s Jarrett for the DQ because of course it’s Jarrett.

Steiner comes in to help with the beatdown, including a guitar shot to Sting. The heels put on matching submission holds.

Sanders gives Kronik the tape. That would be the audio tape because there are two tapes running around at the moment.

Jimmy Hart tells David that there’s a VCR in Smooth’s limo. That earns him another beating.

Kronik has heard the tape and freaks out because it was Jarrett and Steiner insulting them earlier. Russo makes a match for later.

Here’s Team Canada with Storm bragging about last night’s success before introducing Jim Duggan as the newest member. Duggan has cut his hair and shaved his face, making him look almost unrecognizable. He’s tired of fighting for a country that takes him for granted and treats him like garbage. When he fought Goldberg and was taken away in an ambulance, all he heard was a GOLDBERG chant. Now it’s all about Jim Duggan (or Dude Love, as this is the same promo that he used to turn heel after Wrestlemania XVI). Cue the Misfits and it’s time for a six man.

Misfits in Action vs. Team Canada

The Misfits, heels here, clear the ring to start as the fans tell them that they suck. Loco sends Rection into the corner for a splash to Skipper, followed by a running clothesline from Cajun. Storm comes in for some misdirection, allowing the tag off to Duggan. The retired guy that is. A-Wall chokeslams Skipper through the table as Rection comes in to clean house. Everything breaks down and Duggan hits Rection with the board (fine with the referee) for the pin.

Rating: D+. The wrestling wasn’t bad actually and the story is there, but the problem lies in the main character. Who in the world wants to see Jim Duggan as anything more than a comedy goof, let alone as one of the more important heels in the midcard? It’s a decent enough story, but not with Duggan involved.

Post match Duggan hits Rection in the knee with the board.

Steiner and Jarrett yell at Russo.

Mike Awesome and Gary Coleman arrive with Gary freaking out over getting beaten down last night. Why did he ride with Awesome then? Vampiro and the Clowns approach the empty bus.

Kronik vs. Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner

Never mind of course as Nash and the Thrillers come out first with the former insulting Kronik. Sanders and Johnny are chosen to go out and beat up Kronik with predictable results. More Thrillers come out until it’s just O’Haire and Jindrak remaining for what could be an interesting match. Naturally that doesn’t happen as Steiner and Jarrett come in with a pipe, followed by the Stroke for the pin.

Russo goes to someone’s dressing room.

Vampiro and the Clowns have spray painted the bus.

Russo comes in to see Sting (thank goodness there was a camera in there already) and asks him to be the partner tonight. Apparently people have been saying Sting doesn’t have it anymore so it’s SHOWTIME FOLKS.

There’s going to be a swimsuit contest next week to crown Miss WCW. Howard Stern’s Wack Pack will be the judges. You can see it coming from here.

Mike Awesome comes out to rant about Vampiro and the Clowns making it very hard for him to be happy. Therefore, he wants a hardcore match with Vampiro RIGHT NOW.

Vampiro vs. Mike Awesome

Vampiro pounds away with the kendo stick to start but Awesome sends him to the floor for the big dive. They head into the crowd with Vampiro diving off a wall, drawing a badly censored chant. Back to ringside for some cookie sheets, which Tony thinks is worse because it’s industrial size. Vampiro’s superplex is broken up and Awesome scores with a top rope clothesline, only to get hit in the head with a trashcan. An Awesome Bomb through at able at ringside puts Vampiro away.

Rating: D+. Decent hardcore brawl here but it’s more sad than anything else. Awesome is far better than this due to athleticism alone but he’s stuck in some humorous gimmick, which likely exists for the sake of giving the writers something to laugh at. Oh and why is there a Hardcore Champion if we’re having hardcore matches like this with the title never being mentioned?

Booker goes in to see Russo, which freaks the boss out.

David has seen the tape and storms off to find Stacy.

Sting/Vince Russo vs. Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner

Booker comes out instead of Russo, giving us something like the fourth different combination for this match. Whoever gets the fall gets the title shot next week, so I’m assuming Booker is off next week if he gets the pin. It’s a brawl to start with Sting getting two off a top rope splash.

There’s the Deathlock on Jarrett but Midajah hits Booker with the pipe. Cue Miss Jones to pull Midajah out and slam her as a tag match breaks out. It’s Booker playing Ricky Morton for a bit and it’s Jeff slapping on a sleeper. Booker finally fights up with a suplex to break things up, allowing the hot tag to Sting. Normally that wouldn’t make sense but Booker really doesn’t have anything to lose here.

Everything breaks down again and cue Kronik to go after Jarrett. Steiner kicks Booker low and puts on the Recliner but here comes Russo, looking like he’s been destroyed. Scott goes after Russo, allowing Booker to hit Steiner in the face with the bat. Booker puts Russo on top of Steiner for the pin and the title shot as the rules of this match are thrown out even further.

Rating: D. As usual, this could have been a nice tag match had they actually let us see a tag match but instead it was a big mess with so many storylines going on at once that it was hard to keep track of. The problem boils down to the fact that you could have the same match without Kronik but they’re thrown in there just because. When something can be taken away with no changes to the story, it’s unnecessary.

Overall Rating: F+. This was one of your run of the mill Russo shows with a lack of character motivation (Nash not seeming interested in wanting the title back), WAY too much Russo and a main event that kept changing over and over. It’s really not much of a draw to tell me to keep watching so I can find out who is teaming with Vince Russo in a match where he might become #1 contender for a match next week. There wasn’t a lot of wrestling here either, which would have cut down on the need for all the backstage stuff, though again that’s standard Russo. Not a good show here but it’s only going to get worse.

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Fall Brawl 2000
Date: September 17, 2000
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,638
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

This should be an interesting show as I can barely remember what’s going on with the card. However, I can remember that Vince Russo had a huge gimmick match built around him with a big SWERVE that no one (NO ONE) saw coming in a one off show. Other than that we have Kevin Nash defending against Booker T. in a cage, which certainly doesn’t feel like a step down after the big cage match about two weeks ago. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at the double main event, as partially reenacted by action figures. Well that’s certainly different. I’m not sure it’s a good idea but it’s definitely a different one.

Cruiserweight Title: Kwee Wee vs. Elix Skipper

Kwee Wee is defending after winning a match a few weeks back, despite having no interaction with Skipper that I’ve seen in the ensuing shows. Skipper tries to dance with Gunns during the entrance as Hudson drools over her in the maple leaf top. Kwee Wee loads him up for a slam but drops Skipper face first instead in a unique move. An armbar has Skipper in trouble and a USA chant starts up. No wonder Buffalo sends the Bills to Toronto every once in awhile.

Back up and Skipper forearms Kwee Wee in the back of the head as we can see the ridiculous amount of glitter all over Gunns’ back. Skipper flips over Kwee Wee and gets two off a dragon suplex. Gunns plays cheerleader as Kwee Wee fights out of a chinlock, causing Madden to go on another tirade.

In one of the worst spots I’ve seen in a long time, Kwee Wee hits a cross body but Skipper stays on his feet and drops Kwee Wee out to the floor, only to get his balance and then fall out as well because he forgot to fall at the same time. Skipper makes up for it with a top rope Asai Moonsault which knocks out a cameraman for that always cool looking crash. Back in and Kwee Wee counters the Overdrive into a layout powerbomb for two of his own.

Cue the Thrillers, who really have no reason to be involved in this match. Skipper is thrown over the top and out to the floor with his knee crashing into the barricade. As the referee checks on him, Mike Sanders sneaks in and blasts Kwee Wee in the leg with a stick ball bat for no logical reason. Back in and a chop block sets up the Overdrive to retain Skipper’s title.

Rating: C. Illogical ending aside, this wasn’t the worst opener in the world. Kwee Wee is now a face just because, but someone with his charisma probably deserves to be in a higher spot on the card. Skipper is an athletic freak but there’s only so much of a character for him. Not much to see here though as the Cruiserweight Title has just died in recent months.

The announcers run down the card with Madden saying Goldberg vs. Steiner is going to go off like a prom dress. There is WAY too much emphasis on teenage sex in 2000 WCW.

3 Count vs. Misfits in Action

Cajun/Loco/A-Wall here. We get a little I Can’t Get You Out Of My Heart before the match, which I believe is a bonus. Hudson: “Helen Keller, big 3 Count fan.” Loco and Shannon get things going and this actually has potential. Loco chops him up against the ropes before grabbing a good looking wheelbarrow suplex. It’s off to Cajun for a flapjack on Karagias before it’s off to Wall, who presses Helms into a spinebuster (cool move) for two.

Karagias trips Cajun up though, allowing a fireman’s carry/neckbreaker combination to get two more as the heels take over. It’s Cajun as the face in peril with Shannon getting two off a Fameasser. A cross body/suplex gets the same and Evan drops a top rope elbow for another near fall. Shannon gets two off a top rope splash but misses another splash in the corner, allowing the hot tag off to Wall for some house cleaning.

Everything breaks down and Shannon takes Cajun out with a springboard flip dive. Karagias drops Loco and Cajun with a dive of his own but A-Wall breaks up a dive, only to get dropkicked through the table. Shane superkicks Evan by mistake and Shannon dives into a powerbomb for two. A double DDT gets two more on Loco but Wall makes the save, allowing Cajun to hit the Whiplash for the pin on Shane.

Rating: B. I know this really should be obvious but it’s amazing how much fun it is to watch a good wrestling match between talented guys. There’s no big angle here or some crazy story. Instead it’s just three heels and three heroes having a wrestling match and entertaining the fans. In other words, it’s the best thing this company has done in months. Just let the talented guys wrestle and it’s going to work.

Earlier today, Nash wouldn’t sign an autograph for a kid. Why this kid was backstage when the wrestlers arrived isn’t explained of course, but I’m thinking his parents should be punished for letting him see such a horror show.

There are more and more empty seats opposite the hard camera after every match. That’s sad to see. Understandable, but sad.

Harris Brothers vs. Kronik

It’s a chain match but Adams wants to make it first blood because Heaven forbid either team takes a fall. It’s a brawl to start (duh) with Adams working over Don inside. The guys are chained together here, which is probably better than watching them try to work a regular tag match. Everyone heads into the crowd as Tony asks how the referee is supposed to know who bleeds first. Well, he could watch on the big screen like most of the fans have to, but maybe he gets some special privilege because he works here.

Adams and Don come back to ringside with the latter going face first into the steps. Their partners are back a few seconds later, including Don screaming at some fans for some of the only heel action you’ll see around here. The referee gets bumped because A FIRST BLOOD CHAIN MATCH NEEDS A FREAKING REF BUMP.

Adams beats on Don (as the announcers change which Harris is with which Kronik guy, though it’s about as important as which Uso is which) and busts him open. Madden: “THAT’S GRAPE JUICE!” Hudson: “Did he get his period for Pete’s sake???” Ron gets the ball bat with a chain wrapped around it to bust Adams open as the referee wakes up, giving the Twins the win.

Rating: D. I’d like to emphasize that these four can’t even have a clean finish in a first blood chain match. Do you really need to protect one of the most dominant tag teams in years with two gimmicks in one match? It’s really that bad in WCW these days? Nothing to see here, but at least it was short.

Rection promises to win the title back for America today. This match is dedicated to Jim Duggan, who just happens to be here as guest enforcer. Just turn him heel already.

US Title: General Rection vs. Lance Storm

Storm is defending, Major Gunns is on the line as a bonus and Duggan is guest enforcer. Before the match, Storm says he’s so close yet so far from home. After tonight, everyone is welcome to join him in Ontario for Nitro tonight night. Duggan finally comes out and you can see the second shirt underneath his referee shirt so just get to the screwjob already so Tony can call it unthinkable.

Rection’s Samoan Drop gets no cover but Storm sends him into the corner for a breather. A nice superkick gets two for the champ and they head outside where Duggan mimes shooting Storm with the 2×4. Back in and Rection shrugs off the attacks on the knee before sending Storm flying off a German suplex. It’s time for No Laughing Matter but of course Duggan hits Rection with the board, setting up the Maple Leaf to retain the title.

Rating: D. Mike Tenay, Gene Okerlund, Miss Elizabeth and now Jim Duggan. In other words, take whatever characters have worked so well over the years and turn them all around because Vince Russo and company have decided that this is the way things really should go. Again, there was no shock here when you had Duggan as the guest enforcer for no logical reason and introduced him on Monday for the sake of this one match.

The Thrillers almost get in a fight with Gene (who did threaten to have “people” break O’Haire’s kneecaps) and promises to beat up something made of Cheese-Whiz.

Natural Born Thrillers vs. Filthy Animals/Paul Orndorff/Big Vito

It’s….uh….honestly I’m not sure who all is in this match. There are a bunch of people standing on the floor because the aprons are full. Konnan was too injured to wrestle on Thunder but he’s in the ring here while Stasiak is on the floor. Orndorff is a mystery partner to freak the Thrillers out in an idea that always works.

Jindrak slams Rey around to start as Hudson talks about Disqo costing the Animals the Tag Team Titles. I can’t think of a joke to cover up the fact that Thunder was non-title and the Animals have the title belts and were flashing them all over the place during the entrances. Hudson really is just that dumb. Juvy comes in and gets beaten down by Jindrak and O’Haire before it’s off to Disqo for the sake kind of beating. Konnan gets the tag and punches Sean a few times until O’Haire takes over again. We get some miscommunication from the Animals that leads to Disqo Stunning Konnan for the first elimination.

It’s off to Johnny the Bull vs. Disqo with Johnny jumping from the mat to the apron with no hands, only to miss a legdrop. Amazing athleticism but not the smartest guy. Disqo’s partners won’t tag in though, allowing Reno to Roll the Dice for the elimination. Vito comes in and Mafia Kicks Reno before hitting the Vito Special (spinning lifting DDT) for two on Palumbo.

We get back to Vito vs. Reno with the former grabbing the stick ball bat, only to get blasted with a kendo stick from the apron. Another Roll the Dice gets rid of Vito and we’re down to the full Thrillers vs. Orndorff/Juvy/Rey/Tygress. Ok so it was seven on seven? Tony: “It’s six on two! If you count Orndorff, six on three!” Well three Animals have been eliminated and the Animals are at full strength so the match started at six on six? Juvy and Reno are in now with the champ (yes Hudson, he’s still a champion) getting in a dropkick to take over. The Juvy Driver on Reno sets up the Nutcracker Sweet to get rid of Reno.

Jindrak/O’Haire get in to fight Rey/Juvy with the champs in trouble as Rey is sent outside. Juvy tries to dive on the Thrillers on the floor, only to get caught in midair and sent thrown back inside. The Seanton Bomb eliminates Juvy and the announcers say that Orndorff is left, despite Rey not being eliminated and Tygress getting on the apron. Orndorff finally comes in and cleans house until Johnny hits him in the back with the kendo stick. That goes nowhere though as Orndorff grabs the piledriver to get rid of Johnny.

Jindrak misses a charge in the corner and Orndorff drops Sean with a knee lift. Another piledriver plants Mark….and Orndorff isn’t moving. Sean gets a quick cover for the pin as we’ve clearly got an injury here. Tygress gives Jindrak a Bronco Buster as Orndorff hasn’t moved. Rey and Tygress beat up the Thrillers like the goons they are as Orndorff is at least moving his arms. The match is FINALLY thrown out because of Orndorff.

Rating: D+. The ending hut it a lot but at the same time I really had no idea who was in the match at any given time. The Thrillers cleaned house at times but it’s a bad sign when you forget who is still in the match and who isn’t. Orndorff was the highlight of the match as he knew how to get around the Thrillers because he trained them, even if the announcers never actually brought it up.

Orndorff is put in a neck brace as the show basically stops.

Kidman and Madusa call Torrie a lot of bad names and promise to send her and Shane flying off the scaffold. Madusa is WAY more fired up than she should be here.

Madusa/Kidman vs. Torrie Wilson/Shane Douglas

The scaffold is on the stage and rises up to save some time. Shane runs his mouth to fill in some time before hand, only to remind us of his promise to refund everyone’s money if his team loses. The rules here are you have to crawl across and get down the other side to win. Not send your opponents flying as everyone talked about, but just crawl across and climb down. Thankfully the scaffold is significantly wider than most instances with probably five to six feet from side to side. Tony to Madden: “Get your jokes out now so I can hype this up a bit.”

Shane and Kidman argue over how high the scaffold goes as you might expect them to do. The women fight at one end and for some reason Madusa doesn’t just bunch Torrie in the face and climb down to win. Instead Madusa goes after Shane and tries to kick him over the middle, only to be pulled into the STF. Kidman makes the save but gets powerslammed, allowing the women to go to different ends of the scaffold. Shane hits the Franchiser as Madusa’s leg gets caught in the ladder. Well of course she does.

Shane goes over and kicks her in the head for the crash onto the VERY soft pad to end this mess. Wait that’s not it? So you still have to climb down? What happens if everyone falls off? Does the match continue until they get out of traction and climb up and down again? Torrie hits Kidman low and Shane throws him down through another crash pad We’re STILL not done as they have to climb down to win. What a stupid set of rules.

Rating: F. What more do you want me to say here? They gave away the ending and the whole thing was on a scaffold. At least they had a setup where the fans could see what was going on, but this was so stupid on almost every level. It’s a bad gimmick that has worked all of once ever (maybe) and now we have this mess, which comes ten minutes after a legitimate injury.

The “match” goes on for about a minute and a half extra as they climb down.

Jeff Jarrett, in a Buffalo Bills jersey to tick off the local crowd, jumps Sting from behind because he’s getting the title shot on Nitro.

And now, a segment with Mike Tenay going to David Flair’s house for an interview. Tenay says he’s all alone, minus the cameraman and probably a producer of course. David’s house is a disaster with pizza, beer and newspapers everywhere. Tenay brings up the father of the baby so David freaks out because it might be his eleven year old brother Reid. That goes nowhere so Tenay suggests Ric, only to have David freak out and attack his mailman. Thankfully there was a cameraman waiting by David’s mailbox to see David put him in the Figure Four. David then runs down the street.

Vampiro vs. Great Muta vs. Sting

PLEASE let this be the grand finale. The Clowns take over commentary for what should be hilarious. Vampiro and Sting fight in the aisle until the Grand Poobah comes out to attack Chickenwing (oh yeah they’re on fire tonight). They head into the crowd for a bit with the Clowns switching between Gray Tuna and talking about Sting’s spandex pants. Shaggy: “The Winger was trained by a speckled belly octopus.”.

They get back inside with Muta standing around and watching as Sting beats on Vampiro. Some spinning kicks from Muta set up a top rope clothesline from Vampiro as the announcers want to see the patented Pickle Pinch. The moonsault gets two on Sting but the Clowns have to break up a fight between Muta and Vampiro. Sting cleans house with a ball bat (Hudson: “That’s clown abuse”) and Death Drops Muta for the pin.

Rating: F. Other than the commentary, this was another disaster as this feud has gone nowhere but just continues for whatever reason. Sting has no character at this point other than “he’s Sting” and that’s nowhere near enough for an old veteran who is supposed to be some kind of a big prize for Vampiro to beat. This was Muta’s last TV match and I don’t think he’s going to be missed. That’s not a knock on him as his in ring work has been fine enough, but sweet goodness this story has been horrible.

Sting saves Muta from a post match beatdown.

Earlier tonight, Mike Awesome offered to make whoopee (his words) with Pamela. Awesome’s surprise for Jarrett tonight: Gary Coleman.

Mike Awesome vs. Jeff Jarrett

Bunkhouse Brawl, meaning hardcore. Jarrett yells at some of the Buffalo Bills on his way to the ring where the weapons are already set up. Jeff rants about the Bills losing to the Titans last year in the NFL playoffs, which took place about nine months before this show. Now we get on to Awesome, who Jeff guarantees a beating. Hudson: “NOT WITH GARY COLEMAN YOU’RE NOT!”

Thankfully Awesome comes out in regular gear but somehow doesn’t see the professional wrestler in a football jersey coming after him. Mike chokes him with a noose so Jeff beats on him with a broom. A chair duel goes badly for Jarrett and Awesome blasts him over the back a few times. Hudson talks about making Mike the Career Killing 70s Fat Chick Thriller to put all three gimmicks in one. Back in and the Super Awesome Bomb is countered with a backdrop through a table as this is getting more and more like ECW every day.

Awesome whips him into the barbed wire board twice in a row and a pop up sitout powerbomb gets two on Jarrett. Of course he pops right back up and taunts the Bills even more, drawing them over the barricade to get on the apron. The Bills get in a few shots and the Awesome Bomb gets two. The referee FINALLY gets the Bills off the apron so the fans can see, only to have Gary Coleman run in to break up a guitar shot with a low blow. That earns Coleman a guitar shot but now Sting runs in for a Death Drop to give Awesome the pin.

Rating: D. It took the Buffalo Bills, Gary Coleman and Sting to allow Awesome to get the pin. This is the definition of a match where the writers just threw together whatever nonsense they could come up with and had fun instead of trying to entertain people. The thing makes sense (if you have enough hard booze handy) but it’s WAY overdone to accomplish anything. At least Awesome won though.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg which started when Goldberg walked out on the match at New Blood Rising, only to have Steiner beat up Goldberg’s girlfriend. None of this was mentioned for the two weeks before the match because the story stopped mattering once the match was set up, as is so often the case around here.

Steiner shouts that he’ll win.

Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner

No DQ of course. Steiner puts on a black mask and stalls a bit at the bell. Back in and Goldberg scores with a flying shoulder, followed by a gorilla press into a powerslam for two. It’s time to start the heavy brawling as the announcers say this has been going for five minutes (we’re approaching two). Back in and Goldberg runs him over again but the banged up arm slows Goldberg down.

The spear mostly hits the buckle but he’s still able to catch Steiner diving off the top in a powerslam, complete with a pause where Goldberg pulls him out of the air before slamming him. Cue the returning Midajah with a pipe but Steiner is fine enough to tie Goldberg in the Tree of Woe for some chairs to the ribs. The bloody Goldberg is thrown down with a suplex as Hudson can’t remember what Goldberg did to put Midajah through a table. As in he can’t remember THE ONE MOVE that Goldberg uses to finish people.

The pipe is knocked away with a spear but here’s Russo to break up the Jackhammer with a baseball bat shot. Steiner slams Goldberg through a table and Russo celebrates like he did it himself. There’s the Recliner but Goldberg does the slow crawl to the ropes, even though there was almost no pull on the hold.

An electric chair really breaks the hold but Midajah and Russo hit Goldberg with their objects, setting up a belly to belly superplex from Steiner. Back to the Recliner and the thing looks SO bad with Steiner really just putting his hands on Goldberg’s chin and not touching the arms. That swinging neckbreaker puts Scott down but he hits Goldberg with the pipe and puts the Recliner on for the third time for the knockout.

Rating: B-. This was fun (horrible finishing move aside) and it kept Goldberg looking strong while also making Steiner look like the killer they needed him to be. It was all about two guys beating the heck out of each other for about thirteen minutes, though I really could have gone without Russo being in there to screw things up, though to be fair it’s his company and vanity project at this point so it’s understandable.

The villains celebrate and Russo takes his shirt off to really make it special.

We recap Booker vs. Nash, with the latter turning heel to steal the title, which he decided he wanted for a change. Russo rigged things and decided that HIS Kevin Nash was going to take the title. The evil plan actually worked and tonight it’s the rematch inside a cage.

Booker says he’s here for revenge because if you don’t start none, there won’t be none.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Kevin Nash

Nash is defending inside a regular cage. Madden asks if it’s harder to win a title the first time or get it back. Hudson: “I’ve never held a World Championship.” Given that it’s Hudson, I take that to mean he’s won at least six of them. Booker goes after the arm to start without any real success as the announcers talk about switching from the big cage to the regular version. That’s really not something you hear very often. Nash clotheslines him down as we’re told that Orndorff has a stinger but he’s talking and has feeling in all limbs.

A turnbuckle gets ripped off but Booker slams him down to take over again. The Bookend is broken up though and Nash plants him with a chokeslam for a delayed two. Booker sends the champ face first into the exposed buckle to draw some blood, followed by the missile dropkick getting two more. A low blow puts Booker down and there’s the big boot to the face. The Jackknife is broken up and the Bookend gives Booker the title back.

Rating: D. This is the definition of “well that happened.” There was zero need for this to be in the cage as it didn’t change anything and felt like a dark match instead of something that you needed to see. Booker getting the title back is fine and the pin was clean so it’s much better than some insane fall that takes a million angles to achieve. Not a good match or anything close to one, but a good result.

Overall Rating: C-. The key to this show is simple: they’re slowing down on some things and not having a million angles in every match. The main event was clean, a lot of the midcard stuff was clean and most of the interference made sense. That’s the big difference here: you don’t want to have interference for the sake of interference because it takes away from the moments where it’s needed. Goldberg vs. Steiner for instance had interference that made sense and it was more effective as a result.

However, there’s still a lot wrong here. There are WAY too many gimmick matches or matches where the gimmicks take away from what’s going on otherwise. For instance, look at the elimination tag. Did you really need to have EVERYONE in there or could it have been cut down to say, four on four? The biggest thing that WCW can’t understand is that sometimes, less is more. It’s ok to have a wrestling match for the sake of having a wrestling match and to just let it go where it goes without five plot devices along the way.

Overall, this is the best pay per view they’ve done in a long time because they’re getting closer to having a balance between the insanity and an actual show. The show is still far from actually good, but at least they’re not making me spend an hour going on about how horrible the show was or how it broke the rules of wrestling. Somehow, that’s a major step forward for them, which is really sad to think about.

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Monday Nitro #257
Date: September 11, 2000
Location: Independence Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone, Jeremy Borash

It’s the go home show for Fall Brawl and we’re now back to the build for the pay per view after last week’s stand alone WarGames (in name only) show. Unfortunately that leaves the whole card starting from a dead end as last week had nothing to do with Booker vs. Nash or Steiner vs. Goldberg. Instead, we have a big story of David Flair marrying Miss Hancock and a possible Ric Flair appearance in another stand alone story. Let’s get to it.

David arrived earlier and Crowbar, Ozzy and Daffney greeted him to bury the hatchet. No sign of Ric though.

Jeff Jarrett thinks he should offer some entertainment for the wedding.

Opening sequence.

The arena lighting seems dark, probably to hide a low attendance.

Tag Team Titles: Filthy Animals vs. Kronik

Rey and Juvy are defending. Before the match, Disqo runs his mouth and ticks Kronik off even more after the Animals were laid out on Thunder. It’s a brawl to start as Konnan talks about throwing Rey in quicksand. We settle down to Adams pounding Juvy in the corner and hitting a quick F5, though the landing looked more like a DDT. Rey gets a blind tag and the Animals actually double suplex Adams. That’s quite the surprise but you can only be so shocked when Konnan is talking about no selling and taking bumps.

Clark comes in and plants Juvy with a full nelson slam but Adams gives Rey an even bigger one. Cue the Harris Twins (of course) for a distraction, allowing Disqo to hit Clark with a chair and give him the Last Dance on the floor. Back in and Juvy’s 450 (he hit the mat first) only gets two. Instead it’s the What’s Up with the legdrop (named the Nutcracker) retains the titles.

Rating: C. Such is life in WCW. I was actually starting to get into this until the Twins came in to screw things up. It’s interference to set up a match that isn’t interesting and most people don’t want to see, but for some reason we’re getting the Harris Twins in the top spot instead of ANYONE else. Also, what was up with wasting the 450 near the end?

Stacy Keibler arrives.

Recap of WarGames, complete with the line of “it’s another Russo swerve!”

Tony promises an update on Vince Russo, who has suffered his third concussion in three months. I understand that concussions are bad, but I’m having issues feeling sorry for Russo when he keeps injecting himself into these big matches. He’s getting all the glory in the matches and that comes with the damage. It’s almost like someone of average size shouldn’t be getting destroyed by people the size of pro wrestlers. Apparently Russo has had to have brain surgery. Tony: “Tonight: a wedding and brain surgery.”

Here’s the Cat to say he’s in charge because Russo’s injunction was thrown out of court. Therefore, Booker vs. Nash on Sunday is now in a cage. As for tonight though, Nash is defending the title against Scott Steiner. That leaves Jeff Jarrett, who Miss Jones wants to fight. Jarrett comes out and promises to win and prove that men are superior to women. He’s even willing to wrestle handcuffed. Cat and Jeff start fighting until Steiner comes out to put Cat in the Recliner.

Booker and Sting (without paint) arrive and don’t seem worried that Steiner and Jarrett are taking over.

Big Vito vs. Reno

Stick ball bat on a pole, which is how things go in the neighborhood apparently. It must be one of the slums of Parts Unknown. Palumbo is here with Reno. Vito starts fast with a Japanese armdrag but has to go after Palumbo. A quick suplex drops Reno but the referee gets bumped. Vito grabs the stick, only to have Reno lay him out with the Roll of the Dice for no count. Cue the returning Johnny the Bull to help stand off with the Thrillers, only to turn on Vito (a full THIRTY SECONDS after coming out to defend him), giving Reno the pin.

The rest of the Thrillers come in to beat Vito down. I can’t get over the fact that this is supposed to be a swerve. It really was just thirty seconds.

Cat yells at Booker and Sting for being late but they leave together.

Steiner/Jarrett/Nash say they’re in charge tonight. Booker/Sting/Cat come in with the latter saying he’s in charge.

Madusa says she doesn’t like the women around here even though she trained them. Therefore, tonight she gets to beat up Torrie Wilson.

Torrie Wilson vs. Madusa

The announcers talk about the history of scaffold matches and we actually get a Jim Cornette reference. Madden: “Cornette fell off the scaffold and ended his career. He just doesn’t know it yet.” Madusa beats on her for about twenty seconds before Shane comes in for the DQ.

Post match Shane puts Madusa in an STF (of course) until Kidman comes in for the save. Yeah these two are feuding in case you forgot. Madusa adds herself and Torrie to make it a tag team scaffold match on Sunday. Did they really forget the lessons from Great American Bash 1991?

Crowbar helps David get ready.

Jimmy Hart hands Miss Hancock an envelope.

Mike Awesome shows up in That 70s Bus.

Nash suggests that Steiner lay down for him tonight.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Miss Jones

Apparently Goldberg is going to be enforcer in the World Title match. Jarrett rants about “broads” thinking they can compete with men in this ring. Remember Jeff is going to wrestle handcuffed. Tony: “That means he can’t use the Stroke or the guitar.” Yeah the guitar is illegal here, meaning it’s legal otherwise. Cat gets in a few cheap shots before the bell and Jones hammers away, only to kick the referee low by mistake. Jeff kicks her in the ribs to break up a guitar shot before knocking her out with it for the pin.

See, if they actually wanted to go with something interesting here, have the trained wrestler Madusa fight Jarrett in what could be an entertaining match. Instead, we get another woman getting beaten up with little to no defense.

Anyway post match, Awesome comes out to beat up the still handcuffed Jarrett.

Nash is drawing his plan on a dry erase board. After some jokes about anatomy, Steiner thinks he should win and throws a marker. Just have them SWERVE us already so they can laugh.

Post break, Jarrett is annoyed at Nash for not coming down to help him (Nash and Steiner had said they were turning off the monitor so it’s not a huge issue). Jarrett tells Nash to deal with their stupid friend.

Here’s Jim Duggan with something to say. Duggan is so thankful to have gotten through cancer and is glad to be back here with the fans. However, in the last few weeks, he’s been realizing that he can’t beat Father Time. He’s been around for twenty years and unlike some people, he’s fine with stepping aside so the young talent can make wrestling into something we can all be proud of.

Duggan announces his retirement before talking about how he needs someone to take up the 2×4 and the American flag. That man is General Rection and there goes the idea. Rection comes out and shakes Duggan’s hand but here are Lance Storm and Major Gunns (now in a Maple Leaf top and white shorts) with the former saying no one cares about this. A non-title match is set up and we’re on.

Lance Storm vs. General Rection

Storm stomps him down to start as Duggan jumps in on commentary to say “come on Hugh.” A suplex brings Rection over the ropes for two but he powerbombs Storm out of the air for two. No Laughing Matter misses and the Maple Leaf goes on but Duggan points out the arm under the ropes. Duggan gets knocked off the apron so he hits Storm with the 2×4, right into a powerslam for the pin. Well at least Duggan didn’t turn on America. That would have been ridiculous.

Stacy opens the letter she got earlier and freaks out.

It’s time for the wedding with the bride and groom down to the ring in a hurry. Naturally we get a promo with David talking about how he’s let a lot of people down. That means he’d like Arn Anderson to come out here right now. Anderson says it might not be today and it might not be tomorrow, but his 21 year old buddies are going to call him and ask him to do something. It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Also hide some of that wedding money because one day you’re going to come home late and she’s going to get mad, but then she’ll tell you to go get a good night’s sleep. When that happens, take that money and RUN. That’s all the advise from Arn, which is a shame because that was hilarious.

David isn’t done yet though as he wants someone special down here as his best man: his dad, Ric Flair. Cue a smiling Ric, now with hair again (though it’s a bit spiky now instead of the classic style). Ric says he’s a proud father tonight and he can’t wait to have this beautiful woman as part of his family in the greatest city in the world. No drama here so it’s time for the wedding.

As the minister goes on, here are a bunch of security guards and cops to arrest Ric. Apparently Vince Russo has taken out a restraining order against him and Ric has to be arrested for coming within 100 feet of this building. Ric is arrested and taken away, sending Stacy running out of the ring. So in other words, even when he’s not here, HAHA MANLY RUSSO WINS!

After a break, Ric is put in a cop car and driven away. Arn promises to bail him out as soon as possible.

The announcers talk and you can see that the entire section off the floor behind the desk is empty. The whole arena only holds 9,600 people and assuming they have most of the fans on one side of the arena, they MIGHT have 2,000 people there.

We see some of Russo’s beatings and now it’s time for the video of his brain surgery. It’s accompanied by a doctor talking about how hard this has been on Russo and how he’ll be out for a long time. You know, because we need to feel sorry for our top heel. Tony doesn’t buy the story so maybe it’s not as stupid as it seems.

Sting vs. Harris Brothers

If Cat is in charge tonight, why did he book Sting like this? The Brothers have chains for whatever reason but Sting hits the Splash and gets Don in the Deathlock in about a minute. Ron makes the save so here’s Kronik with chains of their own to choke out the twins. The beating goes on for a long time and Sting is put on top for the pin. What was the point here? Sting has a match on Sunday but other than a quick mention, this was all about Kronik and the Brothers.

Steiner yells at Jarrett.

Stacy is still freaking out when David comes in. He doesn’t care about anything that happened tonight because he just wants to marry her. Stacy says no but he talks her into it.

It’s time for another try at the wedding with the minister talking about trust. That’s too much for Stacy because, shock and awe, David isn’t the father of the baby. David freaks and Stacy runs off. The announcers find this funny for some reason.

Post break, Stacy jumps in a limo and David can’t get there. We pan over to Awesome escorting Pamela onto the bus until Jarrett lays him out. The Thrillers come in to keep up the beating.

Steiner yells about his freaks and the Earth rotating on a 47 degree axis. He’ll beat on Goldberg too.

The announcers talk again and fans have been moved in to fill in the gap. I’m stunned that the production staff actually pays attention. Or that they exist for that matter.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner

Nash is defending, Cat is on commentary, Booker T. is guest referee and Goldberg is enforcer. Before the match, Booker promises to get the title back on Sunday. Steiner (still with a protective mask on) isn’t interested in the fingerpoke so Nash tries to leave. That’s not cool with Scott so they actually start fighting. Nash takes over to start until Steiner scores with a clothesline and the bicep elbow. Booker counts slowly and it’s time to beat up the referee. Goldberg comes in and I’m assuming the match is thrown out somewhere in there.

Another referee tries to come in but gets sent to the floor as Steiner suplexes Goldberg. Booker is down on the floor and Cat stays on commentary as the good guys are beaten down. Cat finally takes a chair away from Steiner, allowing Goldberg to start his comeback. It’s Booker beating on Nash as it’s clear that a tag match would have been a decent idea here.

The other referee is circling this stuff like it’s a match for whatever reason….and here’s That 70s Bus down the aisle. The Thrillers come out and start brawling as well, followed by Jarrett with a pipe. Booker gets powerbombed and thrown through the windshield. Now it’s Goldberg being handcuffed to the front of the bus but he breaks the grill off as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: F. I know I say this a lot but what a mess this was. Sunday’s two big matches were set up a bit but there was just so much other stuff going on that there’s no way to get behind the show. The ending was a disaster and just another part of all the messiness that bogged the show down. The longest match was about four minutes (the opener) and the rest of the show was a combination of men beating on women, the double wedding and short angles disguised as matches.

I really don’t have an interest in Sunday’s show and so much of that is because I can barely remember most of the card. As usual, one of the major problems of this kind of booking is trying to keep track of why something happened. Why are Goldberg and Steiner fighting? I’m not entirely sure, though I’m sure it was some swerve that came a few weeks ago. The swerves kind of run together after awhile, especially when you can see them coming so far away. Russo really doesn’t have a ton of ideas and once you get a handle on him, any magic he might have goes away in a hurry. Really bad show this week but that’s to be expected.

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Thunder
Date: August 23, 2000
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Attendance: 2,811
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

We’re coming up on Fall Brawl with Nash vs. Booker T. for the title in a match that actually makes sense on paper. They’re making Booker out to be a giant killer so a win over Nash should be a good thing for his run. Now of course that brings up the issue of Nash ever doing what makes sense for the company as I’m sure Goldberg can tell you about. Let’s get to it.

Chuck Palumbo comes into Cat’s office and wants to be in the main event. That’s exactly what he gets, as part of a tag match with Kevin Nash against Booker T. and whoever Booker can find (this company LOVES itself some mystery partners). Well at least they’re doing something with one of the new guys so points for that. Ms. Jones leaves, saying she has to take care of something.

Kwee Wee vs. Corporal Cajun

Paisley sits in on commentary because managing doesn’t mean anything anymore. Cajun gets in some right hands and a dropkick to start but dives into a powerbomb as Kwee Wee’s offense continues to surprise. A slam (ok so he’s not always great) gets two and it’s off to a camel clutch as Kwee Wee (I can’t bring myself to use either half of his name) is showing some thinking by working on the back. That goes nowhere and Kwee Wee misses a middle rope legdrop to give Cajun a breather.

Back up and the Corporal does his stupid dancing punches to send Kwee Wee outside. After the Misfits take a chair away, Kwee Wee heads back inside, only to be backdropped right back to the floor. Cajun whips him into the barricade and gets slapped by Paisley for his efforts. Tony: “I’m with you girl.” Back in and Cajun gets two off a belly to belly but his headscissors is countered into a faceplant (think Dalton Castle’s Bang A Rang if you’re an ROH fan) for the quick pin.

Rating: C. Leave it to WCW to put one of their better young talents with a gimmick that is going to destroy his career. Kwee Wee has been a very nice surprise since he debuted a few weeks back and he’s actually making it work in the ring as well. This youth movement is going somewhere and it’s nice to see for a change.

Post match Paisley and Gunns get in a brawl because they’re women in 2000 WCW and that’s all they know how to do.

Back from a break with Paisley and Gunns still fighting until they challenge each other for later.

Ms. Jones comes up to Team Canada and makes Storm vs. Rection vs. Awesome for the US Title tonight. Storm isn’t pleased but it goes nowhere.

Here are the Natural Born Thrillers with something to say, starting with Sanders getting in his athletically stacked and genetically jacked lines. They were THIS close to winning the World and Tag Team Titles on Monday but various things got in the way. Cue the Filthy Animals with Konnan making a lot of jokes that are quickly censored. Some hero. Disqo wants Sanders tonight but before we can get an answer, Vito runs in and beats the Thrillers down with his stick ball bat. The Thrillers fight back because it’s just a stick but the Animals come in and clear them out.

Booker goes to see how Vito is and winds up getting him as a partner in the main event. That’s quite the jump up for Vito.

Sanders (in a different shirt than he was wearing in the ring because WCW’s production staff sucks) comes in to see Cat and wants a match with Disqo’s career on the line. He even gets all evil by insulting James Brown. That’s enough for Cat, but he can’t put Disqo’s career on the line because of his contract. Then what was the point of this?

Crowbar has candy and flowers for Daffney, but it turns out that she already went out with her secret admirer last night. Of course she can’t actually tell Crowbar what his name is but he’ll be here later. Crowbar caves in and says the flowers and candy were from the admirer. Again, this works way too well for what they’re doing.

Harris Twins vs. Jung Dragons

So yeah, after nearly killing themselves in that ladder match, this is the Dragons’ reward. That sums up WCW so well and it’s really sad to see. Ron no sells Yang’s dropkick to start so Kaz comes in with a kick off the top to actually stagger the twin. That’s about it though as Ron kicks Jamie-san in the face and it’s a double H-Bomb for the pin on Yang. I’m sure the Dragons will have another good cruiserweight match soon and look awesome and then this will happen all over again. It says a lot when hooking up with Nidia and becoming a redneck was a huge upgrade for Jamie Noble.

Post match Kaz takes another H-Bomb until Kronik comes out for the save. This brings out Leia Meow to yell at the Dragons and take them to the back.

Skipper says he has Storm’s back.

MI Smooth talks to Norman Smiley about their Hardcore Title match. For no apparent reason (save for it makes the joke work), it’s going to be I Quit so Norman can give up immediately and lose the title.

Crowbar vs. Reno

Daffney is all happy while Crowbar is depressed. Reno slugs away on him but Crowbar gets in some basic stuff, followed by a legdrop between the legs and a slingshot legdrop for two. Back up and Reno starts working on the arm, including lifting him up in an arm trap suplex. That earns Reno a jawbreaker as this is pretty back and forth so far. As the match is going on, Tony gets word that we’ll be having a wedding between David Flair and Miss Hancock on September 11. Oh geez I don’t want to know how bad this is going to get.

Reno gets low bridged to the floor but Crowbar flips over after him, only to hold on to the ropes so he can kick Reno in the head and then skin the cat. Well that was cool. A Vader Bomb off the barricade sets up a Lionsault back inside for two as the match is getting better. Naturally that means it’s time to go off the rails as Daffney freaks out because here’s her secret admirer…..who looks exactly like Crowbar. Daffney runs up and hugs him, distraction Crowbar so Reno can Roll the Dice for the pin.

Rating: C-. Of course. Instead of using one of the several dozen wrestlers on your roster, you bring in someone who looks like Crowbar because it’s funny or something. Either that or this is something that happened to Russo when he was a teenager and he needs to find a way to get it out of his system. Almost everything else involving a woman seems to be.

Crowbar gets beaten down until the look-a-like makes the save.

Nash tells Palumbo to take care of Vito and Booker.

Booker and Vito decide to take care of Nash and Palumbo.

Lieutenant Loco tries to get Disqo’s career on the line as well. I think we’ve got a running joke here.

Tank Abbott fires 3 Count but makes them his partners in an eight man tag tonight.

This week’s sitdown interview is with…..Midajah, who is in a neck brace after the attack by Goldberg last week. So this one is in character I guess? She got her start in fitness modeling but didn’t want to make her career by taking her clothes off in Playboy. Tenay says she’s a small woman in a man’s world but Midajah doesn’t want to hear it. Tenay: “Yeah I’ve heard it before. I am woman hear me roar right?”

Midajah talks about saving Tenay from Steiner’s attack a few weeks ago but Mike thinks she only did it to keep Steiner from being fined. That’s enough for Midajah as she calls Tenay a jerk and ends the interview. Tenay: “Good luck to you and your future in sports entertainment honey. You’re going to need it.” This really accomplished nothing, as I’m sure you expected. At least it didn’t make everyone feel stupid though so it’s getting better. Well that and making Tenay look like a jerk, which I’m sure makes him the face in this scene.

The Natural Born Thrillers jump Booker and Vito…..who easily fight them off with stick ball bats. These aren’t the brightest rookies.

Norman is really happy about getting to lose the title (why doesn’t he just vacate it?) when he runs into the Dark Carnival. Muta hits him in the throat and I’m sure you get the idea here.

3 Count/Tank Abbott vs. Dark Carnival

Before the match, Tank makes the three of them leave so he can sing a bit. Stevie doesn’t get the difference between a gigolo and a juggalo. Tank stands in a different corner than his partners as Shane is LAUNCHED across the ring with a release powerbomb. Vampiro kicks Evan in the face so Karagias sends him to the floor for a nice springboard plancha. Everything breaks down and the referee gets misted.

Tank is standing around watching all this happen as the Clowns double team Shannon with a Samoan drop into a guillotine legdrop. Now Tank comes in to start cleaning house, only to have 3 Count beat him down with baseball bats. Muta adds the moonsault for the pin. That’s it for Tank (at least in the ring) and I’m actually going to miss him. The guy is such a trainwreck that he’s fun to watch.

Skipper is on the phone with someone and says Awesome is in, meaning it’s going to be Rection against both of them tonight. Rection overhears.

Booker and Vito are ready for tonight.

Paisley challenges Gunns again. Did they forget already?

Hardcore Title: MI Smooth vs. Norman Smiley

Smiley is defending and this is an I Quit match. The bell rings and Norman lays down but can’t speak because of Muta hitting him in the throat. Smooth doesn’t get it and “hits” him with some stuff before actually hitting him with some stuff. Norman still can’t talk so Smooth pounds on him even more, only to have Smiley start fighting back out of self defense. A low blow with a kendo stick stops Smooth and Norman gets in his dancing, followed by a few trashcan shots. Smooth runs him over with a clothesline and a running seated senton. Smooth: “SAY I QUIT!” Referee: “What did you say???” Norman retains.

Rating: D. I remember watching this when it aired and yeah it’s kind of funny. It’s annoying that this is what Norman is stuck doing because they have no idea what else to do with him but at least they’re giving us some funny ideas. The problem here though is Norman has to lose the thing eventually and I have a feeling there will be a lot more jokes before we finally get to that point.

Skipper is on the phone again and says Rection took the money, making it Awesome who will be down two on one. As you might expect, Awesome overhears this and is livid.

Now Okerlund is trying to get Disqo’s career on the line, offering Viagra as a reward. That goes nowhere so he offers money, only to get thrown out.

Paisley vs. Major Gunns

Tygress is out for commentary but realizes she’s here for the wrong match, only to stay anyway. Tygress: “Tony you want to get a little filthy with me later?” It’s a catfight to start with Paisley talking a lot of trash. A handspring elbow crushes Gunns in the corner and it’s back to the catfight stuff. Gunns gets in a horrible looking slap but Tygress gets on the apron for a forearm, knocking her into a rollup to give Paisley the pin.

The Filthy Animals can’t get Disqo’s career on the line either. They leave Cat’s office and most of the locker room is waiting outside to be disappointed. Again, kind of funny.

Skipper tells Storm that the plan worked. Thanks for clarifying that for us.

Mike Sanders vs. Disqo Inferno

Remember that Disqo’s career is NOT on the line. For some reason Disqo sends the Animals to the back before elbowing Sanders out to the floor. Disqo actually follows up by sending him into the barricade a few times to keep Sanders in trouble. Back in and Sanders grabs a quick hot shot to send Disqo right back to the floor.

Mike slowly pounds away and grabs a suplex for two. He isn’t exactly strong on offense yet. Disqo fights up with all of his usual stuff, capped off by the Last Dance. Cue the Thrillers to attack the Animals (standing on the ramp) as Disqo gets two off a DDT. He tries it again, only to get reversed into the 3.0 to give Mike the pin.

Rating: D+. Better match than you would expect here as Disqo is right there in the Kwee Wee camp: a talented in ring guy who never had a chance to be taken seriously because of how stupid his gimmick really was. At least he got in some stuff here and wound up with a pretty nice career despite all those years of being stuck with a comedy character.

Nash yells at Palumbo because the Thrillers screwed up with Vito and Booker. Based on this, I’m thinking they’re totally fine.

US Title: Lance Storm vs. General Rection vs. Mike Awesome

Storm is defending, it’s one fall to a finish and both challengers think the other is in league with Lance. Before the match, Storm says he may have misjudged us. He was watching some of the political campaigning and there are some lofty goals in this country. Of course, those goals have already been accomplished in Canada. Therefore, the true American Dream (Storm: “If you will.”) is to become Canadian.

Mike and Rection get in each others’ faces before punching Storm because they’re actually smart. After a botched double clothesline, Rection holds Storm’s legs for an Awesome Splash. They switch places with Rection hitting a top rope elbow, followed by a pop up sitout powerbomb from Awesome.

Storm manages to stop both in a charge but there goes the referee. Cue Elix Skipper (who was clearly halfway to the ring before the ref got bumped, though it’s understandable given how badly Storm was getting destroyed) to low bridge Awesome and knock Rection out with the ring. The Maple Leaf on the unconscious Rection retains the title.

Rating: D+. Dang it WCW, cut this stuff out. They set up a nice little story with Skipper trying to play both guys but getting caught. Ok, that’s fine. That’s an idea that could go somewhere, especially before a triple threat. Instead of letting this story build up to a pay per view match with both guys thinking the other is evil (like Summerslam 92), they blow it off on the same night in a meaningless three minute match with interference from Skipper.

Stevie goes to be with his brother before this match.

Big Vito/Booker T. vs. Kevin Nash/Chuck Palumbo

Jarrett is on commentary despite not having anything to do with any of these people. Vito comes out first and is promptly beaten down, only to have Booker run in for the save. We officially start with Vito pounding on Palumbo before it’s off to Nash who gets some of the same from the stereotypical Italian.

That’s enough of that for Nash as he kicks Vito in the face to take over, just like he did on Monday. It’s time for Vito to get slowly beaten down as you would expect with Palumbo getting in some good ring time of his own. We get the required tag behind the referee’s back, meaning Booker is sent back to the apron. You really would think that would stop happening at some point over the years.

Not that it matters as Vito clotheslines Chuck down and tags out anyway, allowing Booker to come in and pound on Nash. Everything breaks down and Jarrett gets in the ring with the guitar (of course) to go after Booker’s knee, just as the Thrillers come in to beat down Vito as the show goes off the air.

Rating: D. This got more time than I was expecting but as soon as Jarrett was out there you knew the ending was going to be screwy. Ok to be fair you knew that as soon as you started watching a WCW show. I’m glad that Palumbo got in some offense but he could have been any of the Thrillers here.

Overall Rating: D. Some of this show’s one off ideas worked quite well for some short term comedy but I still have no desire to see much of the upcoming stuff (oddly enough save for Booker vs. Nash, which could be watchable). These shows are so much easier to sit through when they’re treated like wrestling shows (albeit infused with some comedy) instead of all the shooting that Nitro has throughout. It’s still not good, but this is much more dull than awful, which I’ll take in this case. Oh and no Goldberg in the city where he was born. Nice job guys.

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