GCW/JCW vs. The World
Date: April 4, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Nick Knowledge, Veda Scott

As tends to be the case over Wrestlemania Weekend, we have some promotions going to battle for one night. In this case it’s GCW and it’s secondary promotion JCW vs….well everyone else. That could make for quite the series of options, but odds are it’s just anyone who happens to be in town for the weekend. Let’s get to it.

Dig the WCW vs. the World Playstation theme.

Opening sequence.

Jordan Oliver (GCW/JCW) vs. Aigle Blanc (The World)

The fans are rather happy to see Oliver, even as Blanc grabs a hammerlock on him to start. Oliver’s monkey flip is blocked and we get an early standoff. Oliver knocks him out of the air but Blanc anklescissors his way out of an Acid Bomb attempt. Blanc tries a springboard but gets dropkicked out of the air, allowing Oliver to grab a bridging German suplex for two. A tornado DDT is broken up so Oliver goes with a superkick.

Blanc flips out of a German suplex and now the springboard crossbody connects. There’s a suplex for two on Oliver and we slow down a bit. Back up and Oliver strikes away, setting up a springboard tornado DDT for two of his own. Blanc manages to tie him in the ropes for a superkick into a hurricanrana driver. A Coast To Coast and a tombstone give Blanc two and he can’t believe the kickout.

Blanc gets caught on top but fights out of another Acid Bomb, with Oliver getting caught in a twisting superplex instead. Oliver is sent outside but manages to counter a dive into a brainbuster onto the floor. Since this is modern wrestling, Blanc is right back with a lariat to knock Oliver silly.

The Cloud Cutter (middle rope diving cutter) gives Oliver two and now the Acid Bomb (which is a Blackout into a faceplant rather than a flip) gets the same. Back up and Blanc sends Oliver face first into the buckles, setting up a springboard DDT onto the apron. A 450 gives Blanc two but he dives into a cutter, allowing Oliver to hit a super Acid Bomb for the pin at 11:34.

Rating: B. I’ve seen a bit from Oliver before and he’s not bad when he’s getting a chance to show what he can do. That was the case here as this was a rather fun match with both of them getting to do a bunch of stuff. Blanc (whose name means White Eagle) held up his end here too and these guys had a rather entertaining match (assuming you can ignore/accept the lack of selling in a lot of places).

GCW/JCW – 1
The World – 0

Blanc gets a nice ovation.

Griffin McCoy (GCW/JCW) vs. Session Moth Martina (The World)

Before the match, McCoy mocks the fans because he’s a big star but he’s not happy for facing a drunken woman. That’s enough to bring out Martina, complete with the rather energetic entrance to Every Time We Touch. This is more impressive when you consider that this show started around midnight after the first show in the building started at 11am.

Martina passes out during her entrance (it happens occasionally) and is brought back to life thanks to a beer. The bell rings and Martina seems to find McCoy attractive, but would rather do some WRESTLING. They trade waistlocks with Martina gyrating from both directions, earning a slap in the corner. Martina sends him into the buckle and hits a rather long Bronco Buster but accidentally bumps the referee.

McCoy uses the distraction to send Martina into the corner and hammer away, setting up a Helluva Kick. Martina’s come back attempt is cut off by a kick to the chest, followed by another for two. The STF goes on, with Martina crawling towards the corner for a rope…and a beer.

The spitting to the face has McCoy in trouble and a twisting suplex gives Martina two. Back up and McCoy blocks a diving Codebreaker but Martina reverses a belly to back superplex into a sunset bomb. With McCoy on the floor, Martina hits a suicide dive, followed by the Jager Bomb for two back inside. Another middle rope Codebreaker is blocked and McCoy rakes the eyes for the win at 7:48.

Rating: C. This was more about the comedy than anything else and it only kind of worked. I get the idea of putting Martina in a match that is more designed to be fun but this wasn’t exactly funny at times. It didn’t help that the ending was more than than a little weird, with McCoy actually winning with a rake of the eyes. Not a terrible match, but it didn’t click.

GCW/JCW – 2
The World – 0

JCW World Title: Syuri (The World) vs. Masha Slamovich (GCW/JCW)

Slamovich is defending and the referee drops the title as he displays it before the bell. They fight over a lockup to start and then go to the mat with Syuri getting the better of things. Slamovich gets in a takedown of her own and Syuri is a bit impressed. Arm cranking ensues until Syuri reverses into a headlock. They trade armdrags and legsweeps until Slamovich runs her over.

A kick to the back seems to wake Syuri up as she kicks Slamovich down, only to drop down and let Slamovich kick her. That’s fine with Slamovich but Syuri reverses one of the kicks into a dragon screw legwhip. Syuri grabs a sleeper for a good while until Slamovich is able to roll free. Slamovich slams her down out of the corner for two before grabbing a seated abdominal stretch.

The rope gets Syuri out of trouble but Slamovich kicks her down a few times. Syuri fights up and they slug it out, with both of them screaming a lot. The fight goes to Slamovich again and she grabs a half crab, with Syuri having to make the rope. That’s broken up as well and Syuri is back with a faceplant into a sitout bulldog for two. Syuri manages to get to a Disarm-Her but Slamovich makes the rope as well.

Back up and they slowly strike it out, with the forearm exchange going on for a good while. The kicks don’t drop either of them so they both hit running shots against the ropes. Syuri hits a Codebreaker but Slamovich scores with a Shining Wizard and they’re both down. Slamovich goes up so Syuri pulls her down by the arm and grabs a Disarm-Her. That’s broken up so Syuri kicks her in the arm and hits a DDT for two.

A kick to the head gives Syuri two more and the Disarm-Her goes on again. This time it’s Slamovich reversing into a cross armbreaker, which is reversed into a sleeper to put Slamovich back in trouble. With that escaped as well, Slamovich invites some kicks to the chest, one of which she reverses into a kneebar.

We get the ten minutes remaining call as they slug it out from their knees. Slamovich gets the better of things and Air Raid Crashes her into the corner for two. Something like Sister Abigail (complete with kiss) gives Slamovich two and frustration is rapidly setting in. Slamovich grabs a double armbar, with Syuri making it over to the ropes almost immediately.

Back up and Syuri kicks her in the head a few times for two before grabbing the stretch that Dan Severn used to injure D’Lo Brown’s chest. Slamovich makes the rope again and we have less than five minutes to go. Back up and they slowly slug it out, with Slamovich seemingly getting stronger. Slamovich gets the better of things and rolls her around the ring into a near fall.

We hit two minutes left as Syuri gets her own two off a rollup. Slamovich grabs a Fujiwara armbar and cranks on the other arm at the same time to make it even worse. That’s reversed into a cross armbreaker from Syuri as we have thirty seconds left. Syuri gets two off a bridging German suplex so Slamovich does the same. A kick to the head drops Slamovich but time expires at 30:00 (or 30:04 but close enough) for the draw.

Rating: B. They beat the heck out of each other and it was a rather physical fight, though it was pretty clear where they were going about fifteen minutes in. That being said, this made Slamovich feel like quite the star as Syuri’s reputation is more than enough to give Slamovich a rub. Pretty awesome match here, with Slamovich more than holding her own.

Respect is shown post match.

Los Desperados (GCW/JCW) vs. Team Dragon Gate (World)

That would be Arez/Gringo Loco/Latigo vs. Dragon Kid/Shun Skywalker/Yamato. Skywalker and Latigo start things off, with the evil Skywalker not being interested in a handshake. Instead Skywalker grabs a headlock but has a monkey flip attempt countered into a rollup for two. They trade rollups for two each and the fans approve. Latigo flips him off so we’ll try Arez vs. Yamato instead.

A shoulder puts Arez down but he slowly nips up and rolls into an armdrag to put Yamato down. Loco and the Kid come in, with the fans rather approving, including as Loco flips out of an armdrag attempt. Kid grabs a headscissors for some more success and it’s back to Yamato to work on the arm. We cut to Skywalker sitting in the crowd so Yamato hands it off to Kid and goes outside to yell. The distraction lets Loco fight up and Los Desperados get in some stomping.

Skywalker comes back in and gets kicked down, with Arez’s splash giving Latigo two. Kid gets draped over the top for a superkick from Loco, followed by a Liger Bomb for two more. Arez gets to chop Yamato rather hard, before Latigo tries something like Shattered Dreams. Kid manages to fight up and bring Yamato back in as everything breaks down.

Skywalker is willing to come in since everyone is down, with a powerbomb getting two on Arez. Latigo comes back in with a super headscissors to Skywalker and Loco adds a super Vader Bomb for two with Yamato making the save. We get a chop off between Yamato and Arez, with the latter needing a second to shrug off some stinging. Arez comes back with his own chops and Yamto needs a breather for a change.

The chops keep going (we’re a few minutes in now) until Arez hits a Pele Kick. Kid is back in with a tornado DDT for two on Arez and a hurricanrana gets the same on Loco. Latigo makes a fired up comeback and Loco no sells an enziguri from Yamato. A powerbomb/neckbreaker combination puts Yamato down and the spinning moonsault gives Logo the pin at 14:04.

Rating: C+. It picked up near the end but egads there were a lot of slow moments here and they dragged things down. They played up the idea of Los Desperados being a regular team while Team Dragon Gate just happen to work together, which is a fine way to go. Not a great match, but the last few minutes (once the eternal chop off ended) helped a lot.

GCW/JCW – 3
The World – 0

Astronauts/Rina Yamashita (The World) vs. 1 Called Manders/Gahbage Daddies (GCW/JCW)

The Astronauts are Fuminori Abe/Takuya Nomura and the Daddies are Alec Price/Cole Radrick. We get the traditional exchange of middle fingers before the bell and it’s Radrick taking Abe to the mat to start. Abe reverses into a headlock so Radrick reverses into a headlock, only to have Abe kick him in the back.

Rina comes in but the triple knees miss a screaming Radrick. It’s off to Price for a springboard high crossbody to take the Astronauts down. A step up Swanton hits Rina and it’s already off to Manders. A hard kick to the back wakes Rina up but Manders kicks her down again. Manders misses….well commentary calls it “an adorable attempt at a springboard elbow”, which is more than I could tell from whatever he did) before opting to just forearm Rina in the face.

Rina’s testicular claw is blocked so she settles for a slam to the much bigger Manders. Nomura comes in for the kicks in the corner but Manders reverses for some rather loud chops. Nomura’s dropkick gets two but the running kick to the chest is blocked for another hard chop. It’s back to Abe vs. Price, with the former kicking Price down for two. An exchange of shots to the head leave them both down so it’s off to Radrick vs. Rina for the slugout.

A Blue Thunder Bomb gives Radrick two but Rina rises up for a double middle finger and a kick to the head. We get a triple submission, which is broken up so Rina can claw Manders low. Some superkicks put Rina on the floor and Manders hits a dive, with the Dahdies hitting a (rather delayed) dive of their own. Some chairs and a board are brought in but Rina is back in to make a save. Rina’s over the back piledriver gets two on Radrick, who is then Splash Mountained through the board for the pin at 11:07.

Rating: B-. It was more energetic than the previous match and that made things that much better. What mattered here was giving the fans something to energize them a bit more, which is necessary when it’s nearly 2am local time. The Astronauts were a fun team and felt like two guys who knew each other rather well. The Daddies kind of did the same, though it felt more like a makeshift team than anything else.

GCW/JCW – 3
The World – 1

Team GCW/JCW vs. Team World

GCW/JCW – Calvin Tankman, Charlie Tiger, Marcus Mathers, Mike Bailey, Mr. Danger, Terry Yaki, Tony Deppen
The World – Ho Ho Lun, LJ Cleary, Lou Nixon, Mizuki Watase, Ricky Knight Jr., Shota, Yusaka Ito

I’m sure I’ll be able to keep track of this perfectly well. Veda Scott isn’t happy that Bailey, her husband, isn’t wearing his mouthpiece. It’s a brawl to start, with Knowledge accurately calling this a battle royal early on. Cleary and Yaki are left alone in the ring and we’ll go split screen for the sake of sanity. Yaki gets sent into the corner so the World can crush him with various shots.

Cleary’s splash misses though and now it’s his turn to get crushed in the corner, with the rather large Tankman making it worse. Mathers kicks Cleary in the face in the corner for two as this is breaking down into something close to a match. Cleary fights up but opts to fire up the crowd rather than tagging, allowing Danger to dropkick him down. The World comes in to clear things out a bit and it’s Knight tagging himself in for a wishbone on Danger.

A delayed suplex drops Danger again and it’s off to the rather large Nixon for a chop to the back. Lun kicks him in the back for two before Ito comes in to crank on the arm (and scream a lot). Watase drives a top rope knee to the back as the rapid tags continue. Danger strikes his way to his feet though and a double clothesline gives him a breather. Tankman and Knight come in for the slugout, with Knight managing a Samoan drop to put Tankman down.

Bailey dropkicks Knight silly though and it’s a slugout with Watase. We get the required group suplex (it doesn’t really work) with the World getting the better of things. Bailey gets the parade of shots in the corner until Nixon’s GTS sets up Watase’s top rope double stomp for two.

Team GCW/JCW comes back in to clear the ring though and naturally the big dives ensue. A bunch of people huddle on the floor so Tankman can throw Yaki onto them…and then Tankman hits a big flip dive (with rope but close enough) to take everyone down again. Back in and Bailey hits his tornado kick on Watase, leaving Danger to hit a crazy flip dive to the floor. The Ultimate Weapon gives bailey the pin on Watase at 10:54.

Rating: C+. What is there to say about something like this? There were fourteen people in the match at once and it only had ten minutes. There is only so much you can get out of any of this, especially when there was a heat segment on Danger. They did what they could to get that many people included, but it only worked out so well.

GCW/JCW – 4
World – 1

Video on Joey Janela challenging Blake Christian for the GCW World Title at Spring Break. This was some random filler.

Los Macizos (GCW/JCW) vs. Mao/Yoshihiko (World) vs. Boisterous Behavior (GCW/JCW) vs. Norman Harras/Robert Dreissker (World)

Los Macizos are Ciclope/Miedo Extreme and Boisterous Behavior are Leon Slater/Man Like DeReiss. The affiliations here are kind of educated guesses but I can’t imagine it makes that big of a difference. We pause for some dancing, with Yoshihiko patting Slater on the head to start the mind games. Mao carries Yoshihiko around ringside for a bit before chilling on the apron. Dreissker, a rather large man, is not thrilled with any of this and locks up with DeReiss for the first important contact over two minutes in.

They forearm it out until DeReiss manages a knockdown so it’s off to Harras to hit DeReiss in the face. Slater tags himself in for the neckbreaker half of a belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination. Los Macizos come in to take over on Slater in the corner, with Miedo’s top rope double stomp to the back of the head making it worse. Mao comes in and uses Yoshihiko to trip Ciclope but Harras breaks up the big dive.

Harras slaps Yoshihiko, who is launched hard out into the crowd. Back in and Harras takes over on Los Macizos as Mao brings Yoshihiko back to ringside. Ciclope gets beaten aup as Mao is now giving Yoshihiko CPR. Dreissker hits a splash for two on Ciclope as the fans are only kind of reacting because they’re waiting for the Yoshihiko stuff. Or they’re dead tired because it’s almost 2:30 in the morning.

Ciclope manages a spinebuster on Dreissker though and Miedo comes in with a high crossbody on Dreissker and Harras. Los Macizos hit back to back dives but Mao and Yoshihiko are back in. They’re taken down just as fast but Boisterous Behavior wants in on this too. Behavior is suplexed onto Yoshihiko onto Mao, only to have Behavior get into a fight with Los Macizos. Slater’s big flip dive to the floor takes out Harras and Dreissker and it’s a 3D to Yoshihiko.

A Doomsday Blockbuster gets two on Ciclope but Mao is back in to hit people with Yoshihiko. Ciclope gets taken down with a double hurricanrana and then Yoshihiko is spun around and tossed onto the pile at ringside. Back in and Dreissker powerbombs Yoshihiko and Harras adds a moonsault, only to have Mao come in with a 450 for the save. We get the required Tower Of Doom, with Slater getting the worst of everything.

That leaves Mao to stare DeReiss down and they trade kicks to the head. DeReiss gets Mao in an electric chair and a German suplex brings him down hard. Back in and Los Macizos hit a modified Doomsday Device for two on DeReiss but Harras and Dreissker come in to clean house. Mao and Yoshihiko put Dreissker down with a Rainmaker but Harras German suplexes both of them. Harras only gets one on Yoshihiko so it’s time for some spitting. Yoshihiko makes a comeback and is swung around, knocking down a bunch of people like Terry Funk with a ladder back in the day. Yoshihiko’s hurricanrana pins Harras at 16:34.

Rating: B-. The match was fun for the most part but I’m rather over the Yoshihiko stuff. I know the fans want to see it but after seeing it on multiple shows over multiple days, the joke wears thin rather quickly. That was certainly the case here, as the action would get good but then it had to stop for the sake of that stuff. The rest of the match worked, but egads enough with the same joke already.

GCW/JCW – 4
World – 2

Overall Rating: B. For a show that had a bunch of people crammed onto it and nothing in the way of grudges or storylines, I had a pretty nice time. This show did have a rather awesome mixture of styles and action, thankfully without a lot of the goofy stuff that GCW can be known for. It’s not something I would want to watch every week, but for a special event like this, it went much better than I had been expecting.

 

 

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Russell Crowe Wrestling: RussellMania 3
Date: March 30, 2023
Location: Burbank Moose Lodge, Burbank, California
Commentators: Erik Barnes, Rivers Langley

So this is Wrestling Pro Wrestling, a comedy promotion run by Brian Kendrick. The event was held over Wrestlemania weekend and then released on Youtube, though I have a grand total of no idea what to expect here. With wrestlers named Poptart Boy and Leather Daddy, I’m almost scared to know what I’m getting myself into. Let’s get to it.

Opening video, which features a bunch of stills and has quite the early 80s feeling.

Erik Barnes welcomes us to the show and makes it clear that Russell Crowe will NOT be wrestling and describes this as a wacky wrestling promotion. The Midcard Title (which sounds like the official name) and the Wrestle Turkey Title will be on the line tonight, but first, here is Cereal Man (a superhero with a box of cereal for a mask). He can’t find promoter Gary Tickles, who has left a note: “see you next show suckers, no refunds.”

There is an idea though, so here is Darwin Finch, apparently a scientist, who has invented a cloning machine. His goons have stolen some celebrity DNA, so here are clones of Tom Cruise, Gary Busey and Sean (normally spelled Shaun) White. Cereal Man says these clones suck, but apparently they are clones of celebrity impersonators on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (ah, the common problem). We’ll try one more so here is Chuck Norris….as portrayed by Jimmy Wang Yang. That’s enough for Cereal Man, who throws everyone out. Cereal Man: “You guys want to see a chicken wrestle a bear?”

Chick-A-Dee vs. Evgheni

Dee is a woman in a chicken costume (Commentary: “This pollo is loco!” Should be loca but whatever.) and Evgheni is a Russian bear. The Bear hibernates to start so Chick pokes him, only for the Bear to go back to sleep. Back up and a bear claw shove gets two on Chick but the referee faints after a well places growl. The Bear bites Chick’s face and then….decides to go to the bar, meaning it’s a countout at 4:09.

Rating: C. Yeah we’re going to be in for a weird show here and it should be a lot of fun as a result. I’m not sure I got the joke here but at least they are living up to the kind of show that they want to be. Also, thankfully they kept this short instead of driving the joke into the ground like so many would.

Anthony Andrews vs. Koto Hiro

Andrews is a cowboy and one half of the NWA US Tag Team Champions. Hiro on the other hand is your stereotypical Japanese masked man. They go for the grappling to start with the much smaller Hiro not being able to get very far. Hiro kicking him in the head works better though and a rolling cutter gets two.

Andrews knocks him outside and hammers away on the floor. Back in and Hiro snapmares him down into a jumping knee to the face but Andrews plants him with a Rock Bottom. A middle rope Codebreaker gets two but Hiro is back with a springboard spinning Codebreaker. That sets up a missed frog splash though and Andrews grabs a pumphandle powerslam for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: C+. Actually not too bad here, which mainly focused on a power vs. speed match. Andrews isn’t a hue guy but he’s big enough to outmatch someone like Hiro. Other than that, Hiro kept things moving enough and sold the big power stuff well enough. Not a great match, but it was close enough to being serious to make it work.

Respect is shown post match.

Fourmage Horsemen vs. Stoner Brothers/El Chupacabra/Anton Voorhees

Oh boy. This is WPW vs. Hoodslam, because that’s a good idea. So the Horsemen are Gorgonzole Anderson/Parm Anderson/Ricotta Flair/Tully Blancheddar, while the Stoners are Rick Scott and Scott Rick (not typos), complete with a STONERIZED theme. And yes, the Horsemen all have heads made of cheese. Before the match, Flair makes fun of the other four, including saying the Stoners are more like the Groaner Mothers. Anton and Tully start things off, with Tully going rather basic (“This is an aged cheddar after all.”) but Anton comes back with an enziguri.

Tully gets quadruple teamed in the corner so it’s off to Parm vs. Chupacabra, with the former being knocked into the corner. Rick Scott adds a superkick but Gorgonzole comes in for a wristlock. A series of shots in the corner put Gorgonzole down but he gets over to Flair for the rapid fire chops. Not that they matter as Flair is knocked down and picked up/dropped back by all four for a quadruple pin at 5:05.

Rating: C. Yeah I laughed and that’s the point of something like this. It’s a big choke with cheese puns and I don’t think they were trying to do anything else. Let them get in there, do their jokes and get out before it goes too long. If nothing else, points for being able to come up with a gag for the entire Horsemen, including that aged cheddar line.

A clone of David Copperfield (magician, not Dickens) and here is brings a fan into the ring for a card trick. Before he can complete it though, the Great Branzino, with his Goblins (Dingleberry and Grundell) interrupts. Branzino is about three and a half feet tall and says we’re not here for magic or over the top characters. No one wants to see that fool Luigi Primo! Cue Primo (the guy who can spin a pizza while doing really basic moves), with Branzino saying it’s an amazing coincidence that Primo is here. Since he is here though, the Goblins should get him!

Luigi Primo vs. Goblins/Great Branzino

They fight over wrist control, with Primo using the pizza to mistake. Primo hits them with the pizza, so Branzino tells the Goblins to form the TROLL TRON. As Grundell gets on Dingleberry’s shoulders, Copperfield gives Primo a second pizza, which he combines with the first to scare the Goblins away. Branzino hits Primo low for the DQ at 2:31.

Post match Branzino pulls out some pepperoni pizza flavored Combos but Primo chokeslams him onto them instead….for a pin, despite the bell ringing off the low blow. These pizza and magic themed characters should be better with their continuity.

Kid Isaac/Sam Squatch vs. Devastator 2/Devastatress

Devastator is billed from Hot Topic. Devastatress is a mystery partner, who is better known as Jazzy Yang (Jimmy Wang Yang’s daughter). Squatch is in a rather large Bigfoot costume and seems rather interested in the Combos. Isaac hands his sunglasses to Squatch to start and they are promptly destroyed. Devastator tries a test of strength and gets a tickle from Isaac and it works so well that they do it again. Isaac offers to let Devastator tickle him but gets kicked in the ribs instead.

Back up and Isaac runs the corner, walks the rope, and jumps back down for some more tickling. Squatch comes in to run Devastator over and a double shoulder gives Isaac two. Devastatress gets in a cheap shot from behind as commentary continues to call every move either the Devastator or the Devastat-Her. The chinlock goes on for a bit before Devastatress goes after the knee.

Isaac enziguris his way to freedom and hands it back to Squatch to slow things down. A Rocket Launcher hits Devastator for two but Devastatress isn’t tickleish. Instead Isaac forearms her in the face to little avail, as she drops him fast. A low blow to Squatch sets up a chokeslam, followed by a 3D to finish Isaac at 11:08.

Rating: C-. Once you got past the joke of every move being called the Devastator/Devastate-Her, there wasn’t much to see here. Isaac wasn’t overly funny and a guy in a Bigfoot costume is only going to get you so far. I wasn’t feeling this one, but when your entire show is a bunch of jokes, some things aren’t going to land.

And now we have the “Sexy Chino Hollywood Adjacent Dance Party”. We have Sexy Chino, the Clone of John Travolta, Emo Tep (the emo mummy), Boogaloo Brown, Haystacks (a large stack of hay wearing overalls), and David Boomerang (a giant mouse). They all dance until Boomerang….starts stabbing people. Boomerang is awarded the win “by way of stabbing” and apparently this is a pattern for him.

Tag Team Titles: Darwin Finch/Fidel Bravo vs. Fabio/LJ Cleary

Finch and Bravo (with El Cucho El Sicario) are defending. Finch and Fabio start things off as commentary stops to argue with Cleary over not being able to tell the challengers apart. Fabio hits a dropkick to start so it’s off to Cleary, who gets caught with a springboard armdrag. Bravo comes in and yells at Finch, allowing the challengers to take over and dance a bit.

The double teaming has Bravo in trouble and Fabio snaps off a suplex for two. Finch gets in a slap from the apron though and Bravo scores with a DDT. Everything breaks down and Finch and Bravo take over, with Bravo actually hugging him. Then Sicario hits Finch low, allowing Bravo to hit Finch with a Falcon Arrow so Cleary can get the pin and the titles at 7:12.

Rating: C. This wasn’t so much a joke as much as something with an actual storyline, which worked well enough. What mattered was getting the title change out there to make the show feel important and not doing a bunch of jokes for once. It makes something like this feel like it mattered, though things were hardly serious, as you should kind of expect around here.

Post match Officer Robot Cop (exactly what it sounds like) comes out to say the new champs broke the law so the titles are officially stripped. Finch and Bravo are still champions.

Midcard Title: Battle Royal

King Dezi, Jumping Jim Logan, Tarzan Duran, Man Like DeReiss, Hobo, Mike D., Charles Ray

Yes it’s called the Midcard Title and this is billed as a “several person battle royal”. Tarzan is Tarzan, Dezi is an actual king, DeReiss raps himself to the ring, Mike is rather muscular and Ray (a Ray Charles knockoff, complete with blindness and a yellow suit) is defending. Logan yells at everyone else to start and says he is NOT jumping, despite that being his name. He finally jumps once and a bunch of people knock him silly, allowing Ray to get the pin for the elimination.

Ray sings as everyone else fights to the floor (this is feeling a lot more like an elimination match than the battle royal they advertised) before heading outside to sing about how everyone in the ring is fighting and shooting. Mike bearhugs Hobo before Tarzan comes in to work on Hobo’s arm. Hobo hits a running corner clothesline but gets taken down by a flipping neckbreaker.

The singing is still going on as DeReiss stomps on Dezi in the corner. Hobo and DeReiss trade standing switches as Tarzan listens to Ray singing. After Hobo misses a kick, DeReiss…..sprays him with air freshener for the pin. With that odd choice out of the way (Ray, still singing: “Positive sounds, that’s what I heard, hope it was good.”), Tarzan comes back in and kicks Mike outside. A springboard flip dive takes Mike down and a Code Red gets two back inside.

Mike pops back up with a powerbomb and a helicopter bomb finishes Tarzan. Ray, with his trombone, comes in and hits some people by mistake, allowing Dezi to pin Mike. We’re down to Ray, Dezi and DeReiss and the singing continues, with commentary talking about how long this song has been doing. Ray is now singing about how he has a goat and 58 farms so DeReiss goes after him, only to get sceptered down by Dezi for the pin. Ray thinks the scepter is the microphone and accidentally knocks Dezi out before covering him to retain at 14:45.

Rating: B-. Ray sang that song for over fifteen minutes and while it was just bizarre freestyling by the end, it went on for so long that it was hilarious. This whole thing was a bunch of people getting in a little bit of time while Charles did his thing and it worked far better than it should have. This was one of the better jokes on the show and that is covering a lot of ground.

Sneaky Snakes vs. Leather Daddy/Rubber Baby

The Snakes would be the Sassy Assassin/Sneaky Pete and are in striped shirts and masks, making them look like very stereotypical prisoners/bank robbers. They also have Sacre Blue with them, while Daddy and Baby have very large rubber fast masks. The Snakes jump them from behind to start as Blue seems to be fighting in this as well. Baby gets double teamed to start but Daddy makes the save with a double noggin knocker. Back up and Pete knocks the Baby’s head off, revealing a red mask.

Baby gets to clean house but super fan Courtney Glove comes in to try and calm him down….which earns her a trip to the floor. Assassin hugs Baby but gives him an atomic drop, resulting in a diaper issue (just go with it). Baby chases the villains around with a diaper and rubs it in Blue’s face…which apparently allows Blue to talk without a lisp. Blue: “I CAN FINALLY BE A VOICE ACTOR!” He’s so happy that he falls down and Baby falls down on him for the pin at 5:04.

Rating: D+. So that happened. I’m not sure I get the joke here but the Snakes were at least unique in a good way…I think. This feels like something where I might need to know these people a bit more to care and this wasn’t exactly the most brilliant comedy. Much more of a skit than a match here and not in a good way.

Post match another shot to the face brings the lisp right back.

Eli Everfly vs. Gregory Shmegory Sharpe vs. Mizuki Watase

Sharpe is a high flier (as in a pilot) and Watase is from DDT Pro in Japan. Actually hang on as we have a fourth entrant.

Eli Everfly vs. Gregory Shmegory Sharpe vs. Mizuki Watase vs. Watts

Watts, a rather skinny guy, is described as a powerhouse. Watase and Watts form an early alliance which is broken up in all of three seconds. With the other three on the floor, Watase hits a big dive and strips down to his gear. Back in and Watase hits a basement dropkick on Sharpe, who is right back with a Rock Bottom. Everfly comes back in with a springboard wristdrag but Watts is back in to fall away slam all three of them. A double chokeslam puts Sharpe and Watase down but Everfly gets the sleeper.

That’s enough to bring Watts down to his knees and a triple kick to the head puts him down. Watase takes Everfly down but Sharpe knees him in the face to leave all four down. A chokebomb gets two on Sharpe with Everfly making the save. Everfly hits a heck of a tornado DDT to send Watts outside, where a top rope hurricanrana takes him down instead. Back in and Watase brainbusters Sharpe for two, followed by a scoop piledriver (starts as a slam, ends as a Tombstone) for the pin on Sharpe at 7:54.

Rating: C+. Other than the pilot thing for Sharpe, this was a pretty straight match without anything very unique or even comedy stuff. That being said, it was rather nice to have a different kind of match after doing so much of the same kind of material (even in different forms) all night long. Not a great match or anything, but a nice pallet cleanser, which you need at times.

Wrestling Pro Wrestling Wrestle Turkeys Title: Poptart Boy vs. Dark Sheik

Poptart Boy (he’s a walking Poptart and teams with Cereal Man as the Breakfast Of Champions) is defending (the title is huge and looks to be homemade) while Sheik is a mermaid (so she has to hop to the ring). A lockup puts Poptart Boy against the ropes and Sheik (still hopping, because she has a single fin instead of legs) flips him off.

Poptart Boy shoulders her down and hammers away in the corner. Sheik hammers away (Commentary: “Shot to the frosting.”) and it’s a Fish One Nine before Sheik starts eating his filling (exactly what it sounds like). Poptart Boy is fine enough to hit a chokeslam and a falling splash (frosting side down) retains the title at 4:19.

Rating: C. I’m sitting here trying to think of what to say about this and….yeah what am I supposed to say? It’s a humanoid Poptart fighting a woman whose legs are tied together to make her a mermaid while commentary uses lines from Under The Sea. This was every idea you could think of from the outer reaches of an intoxicated mind and yeah, it was kind of great.

Russel Crowe Pro Rumble

Cinderella Man, Robin Hood, 3:10 To Yuma, Gladiator, Master And Commander, Master And Commander 2, Another Gladiator, Another Gladiator, Black Gladiator, Beautiful Mind, King Ghiraffedorah

Darwin Finch is on commentary and each one is a character from a Russell Crowe movie (plus some repeats because, as commentary put it, they were running out of ideas). The bell rings and hang on as here is Ghiraffedorah (a three headed giraffe, due to reasons of just go with it) to get in the ring. Everyone backs away from him but it’s a bunch of headbutts and chokes (with the arms being other giraffe heads). Then he spits something out and it’s…..the ace of clubs, the card from the fan with the card trick about an hour and a half ago! The fan comes in and gets attacked as well so we’ll throw it out at 2:33.

Finch: “I really hope I won’t be held responsible for this.” Ghiraffedorah attacks some fans to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I liked it. This show didn’t try to be anything that it wasn’t and completely embraced the insanity. It was one idea likely created by Brian Kendrick and his friends under the influence of various substances and as a result it was rather fun in a lot of ways. This wasn’t about wrestling but rather having a lot of fun with wrestling going on. It’s nothing I would want to see full time or anywhere close to it, but for a one off, there is some great stuff in here. Not all of the jokes work, but or a weird trip inside the mind of wrestling fans, this was a great time.

 

 

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GCW vs. DDT
Date: March 31, 2023
Location: Ukranian Cultural Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

I think the title for this one says it all and that could go in a few different directions. I wasn’t thrilled with the DDT show from earlier in the week and GCW is hit or miss a lot of the time. Shows pitting two promotions against each other can be quite a mess but that’s part of the fun of seeing what they have. Let’s get to it.

Jack Cartwheel/Wasted Youth/Gringo Loco (GCW) vs. Daisuke Sasaki/Kanon/Sanshiro Takagi/Takeshi Masada (DDT)

Wasted Youth is Marcus Mathers/Dyln McKay and this is one fall to a finish. Takagi and Cartwheel start things off and Scott volunteers to be the official cartwheel counter. Cartwheel does a cartwheel and Takagi manages one of his own as I don’t think this is going to be overly serious. It’s already off to Sasaki vs. Mathers with Mathers sending him into the corner and snapmaring him back out.

With that going nowhere, McKay comes in to headlock Masada, who is right back out with a dropkick. McKay is fine enough to come back with a spinning brainbuster for two and everything breaks down. We settle back to Kanon fist dropping onto McKay and it’s back to Takagi to stay on McKay. Some rapid fire chops are enough to get over to Loco for the tag and everything breaks down fast.

Cartwheel hits a big flipping elbow over the top, setting up a big dive to the floor (with a Loco assist). Back in and Kanon chops away at Loco before Sasaki faceplants him down. Takagi is back in for a bunch of Stunners but McKay is there with an enziguri to Masada. Loco adds a moonsault, McKay hits a shooting star press, Mathers puts in a 450 and Cartwheel finishes with a Red Arrow for the pin at 10:39.

Rating: C+ This was a good way to start as you got a nice mixture of the two sides, with GCW getting to showcase themselves a bit. DDT didn’t stand out quite as much, but there is only so much you can do when most of you are in black and getting beaten up in the end. Fun match and they’re on the right path so far.

GCW – 1
DDT – 0

Saki Akai (DDT) vs. Dark Sheik (GCW)

Feeling out process to start as they circle each other until Sheik drops her with a shoulder. Back up and Akai hits a big boot but Sheik kicks her down even harder. A slingshot legdrop into a slingshot hilo keeps Akai down, followed by a splits splash for two. Akai manages to come back with a kick of her own and a high crossbody for two.

Sheik gets her leg swept out so a running knee can give Akai two. They slug it out, including boots to the head, with Akai getting the better of it and knocking her down. Akai grabs the abdominal stretch but Sheik reverses into a small package for the surprise pin to extend the lead at 7:19.

Rating: C. Nice match here as they felt even enough (maybe a slight advantage to Akai) as the good start to the show continues. I’ve seen Akai twice so far and she has done well in both matches, as there is a little something about her that makes you want to keep watching. On the other hand you have Sheik, who seems like she has something going for her and I could go for a few more matches.

GCW – 2
DDT – 0

East West Express (GCW) vs. Moonlight Express (DDT)

That would be Nick Wayne/Jordan Oliver vs. Mao/Mike Bailey. Wayne and Bailey start things off with a standoff so it’s off to Mao to shoulder Oliver (I had been waiting to see him this weekend). A dropkick puts Oliver down so Wayne comes in to help Oliver clear the ring. Naturally that means stereo dives but they try again and get punched out of the air by Bailey and Mao. Back in and Mao hits a springboard knee to keep Oliver in trouble, meaning it’s time to start in on the arm.

Mao rolls him into an abdominal stretch so Wayne makes the save, only to be knocked outside. Bailey moonsaults onto Wayne and Mao moonsaults onto Oliver for two, only to have Oliver blasts Bailey with a clothesline for two. The hot tag brings in Wayne to clean house until Mao drops him hard. Mao literally wiggles his way out of a waistlock but Wayne is back with a handspring Stunner.

It’s back to Oliver to take over on Bailey, including a running boot in the corner and sitout powerbomb for two. Wayne comes back in and gets caught with Bailey’s bouncing kicks. Oliver and Wayne are sent outside and stereo moonsaults from Mao and Bailey (from the same corner, with their arms around each other) drop them again. Wayne is busted open (it’s a bad one too) and it’s a double clothesline into a double hiptoss for two on Bailey.

Mao and Bailey are back with stereo backflip slams (Cameron Grimes does it in NXT) for two each. The Ultimate Weapon hits Oliver but Mao’s 450 hits knees. A tiger suplex gets two with Bailey shoving Wayne into the cover for the save. Wayne is kicked to the floor and the Tornado Driver (something like Aussie Open’s Coriolis) gets a rather close two. Oliver and Bailey trade rollups until a double team middle rope cutter plants Bailey for the pin at 16:20.

Rating: B+. This took its time to get going but I was way into it by the end and they had it rocking. I hadn’t seen these teams together before but you can tell they have the experience and skill to work well together. Heck of a match here and one of the better things I’ve seen so far this weekend.

GCW – 3
DDT – 0

Veda Scott swaps out with someone named Nick Knowledge.

Starboy Charlie (GCW) vs. Kazusada Higuchi (DDT)

The much bigger Higuchi takes him into the corner and gives Charlie a rub of the head before letting him go. Charlie tries to pick up the pace and goes for the leg, setting up a basement dropkick. Higuchi’s chop takes Charlie down and a running splash gets two. The neck crank goes on but doesn’t keep Charlie down long, leaving Higuchi to knock him down again.

A middle rope elbow hits Charlie for two, so he begs Higuchi not to chop him. That makes Higuchi chop him hard enough to put Charlie down but he’s back up with a Thesz press of all things. Charlie gets sat on top, where he manages to slip through Higuchi’s legs and hit a heck of a powerbomb. For some reason Charlie tries to chop it out, even nipping up when Higuchi knocks him down.

Charlie’s chest is blood red and Higuchi blasts him with a clothesline for two. A missed charge sends Higuchi into the post and out to the floor, allowing Charlie to get in a dropkick through the ropes. Back in and a middle rope corkscrew moonsault gets two, allowing Charlie to pull his straps up….and then right back down.

Higuchi has had it with this and grabs a doctor bomb for two, with the kickout just getting on Higuchi’s nerves. The claw slam is countered into a crossface and Charlie even rolls back into the middle. With the rope not working, Higuchi muscles him up for an Oklahoma Stampede. For some reason Charlie flips him off and gets flattened with a running shoulder. Now the claw slam can finish Charlie at 11:40.

Rating: B-. This wasn’t exactly a great match but it told a story and that made it work. You could see Higuchi go from toying with Charlie to having to put in the work to beat him, making this get more interesting as it went on. Charlie didn’t get in a ton of offense but what he did looked effective, which isn’t easy given the size difference. They pulled me in with this one and that isn’t easy to do so nice job.

GCW – 3
DDT – 1

Veda Scott comes back.

Joey Janela (GCW) vs. Yuki Ueno (DDT)

Ueno shoulders away to start but gets taken into the corner. Janela stomps on the fingers and starts in on the arm, including a hammerlock. Ueno fights out and sends him into the corner before tying him in the ropes. A running faceplant on the apron rock Janela, who is fine enough to come back with a Death Valley Driver for two. Janela sends him outside for the suicide dive, followed by the Fujiwara armbar on the bad arm back inside.

That’s broken up as well but Ueno misses a knee. A superkick just makes Ueno snap off a dropkick for two, only to have Janela hit the brainbuster. Janela goes up top but gets caught with a super hurricanrana. That and a flipping Fameasser (as in a Fameasser with the arm trapped and they flip forward until Janela lands on his face) for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C. Janela still isn’t the best in the ring but there is a weird charisma to him that makes him watchable. At the same time Ueno is someone who feels like he could be a star with some more experience and seasoning. It didn’t make for the best match, but Ueno’s offense was enough to keep it interesting.

GCW – 3
DDT – 2

Tony Deppen/Homicide (GCW) vs. Tetsuya Endo/Jun Akiyama (DDT)

Akiyama and Homicide look at each other a lot to start before it’s time to exchange wristlocks. It’s too early for Akiyama’s exploder so it’s off to Deppen vs. Endo. Deppen gets caught in a headlock and then gets shouldered to the mat. Deppen is back up for a nice looking dropkick and it’s back to Homicide for a running clothesline. Akiyama comes in and goes to the floor with Homicide instead.

The other two go to the floor as well and we have to go split screen for the double brawls. Homicide bends Akiyama’s fingers before heading back inside where Deppen can wrap the arm around the rope. Biting in the corner has Akiyama in more trouble but he comes back with a jumping knee. Endo comes back in to pick up the pace, including a springboard double clothesline.

Homicide manages a shot to take Endo down though and Deppen comes in off the top with a double stomp for two. Endo Boston crabs Deppen with Homicide grabbing a cutter for the save. That leaves Akiyama to come back in for the throws. With Deppen down, Endo adds the Burning (shooting) Star press for the pin at 12:20.

Rating: C+. Nice enough stuff here as you had a unique styles match here. Homicide can wrestle with just about anyone and Deppen has such a punchable face that it is easy to want to see him get beaten up. Akiyama and Endo both did well too, which shouldn’t be a surprise. I’m not with on a lot of Homicide’s stuff but it meshed well here.

GCW – 3
DDT – 3

Second Gear Crew (GCW) vs. Chris Brookes/Shunma Katsumata/Mizuki Watase (DDT)

The Crew is 1 Called Manders/Matthew Justice/Mance Warner and they get jumped from behind during their entrances. The fight starts on the floor and I’m not sure how much tagging you should expect here. Warner chairs Brookes but Brookes throws it at Warner’s already bleeding head. Back in and Manders takes off his boots to hammer away at some heads, only to run into some Legos (while wearing only socks).

Brookes breaks some kind of bin over Justice’s head and it’s Warner coming back in for a bunch of jabs to Brookes’ face. Warner grabs a ladder and does the helicopter spin until a low blow cuts him off. Katsumata puts the ladder around his own neck but gets picked up and speared down in a big crash. The DDT guys get back up and stack the bins together, setting up a top rope backsplash to drive Justice through the bins (they broke well) and into the Legos for two.

Everyone is back up for the strike offs with DDT taking over. Brookes grabs the staple gun and staples the Crew’s heads, only to have them all fight back. Katsumata gets stapled in a variety of places and now it’s time for the door. The PowerPlex through the door gets two so Manders manages to pick up both of his partners at once (geez). The charge misses though and Manders drives both of them through another door in the corner.

DDT all goes up for a triple Van Terminator and a triple near fall. The doors are set up again on the floor and Katsumata dives off a ladder to drive Justice through them. Back in and the Crew starts swinging doors to take over, followed by a chair to Watase’s head. Watase just screams a lot and sends Warner outside. Manders lariats Katsumata and Warner adds a DDT for the pin at 15:19.

Rating: C. This is the kind of hardcore match that you kind of expect from GCW but they didn’t get into the stupid/over the top stuff that gives the place its reputation. The Crew is a team that feels like they could be a constant in GCW as they work well together and have a good look. The DDT guys were fine, but I absolutely didn’t need to see one of them get chaired in the head like that. Cut that stuff out.

GCW – 4
DDT – 3

We run down some upcoming shows while the ring is cleaned up.

Pheromones (DDT) vs. Bussy (DDT)

That would be Danshoku Dino/Yuhi Ino vs. Effy/Allie Katch and I still have nightmares about that one Pheromones match. After a somewhat personal weapons check, we’re ready to go. Allie and Ino start things off but hang on as Ino needs to pose on the middle rope (Effy seems VERY interested). Allie finally kicks Ino in the gut after nearly two minutes of posing but he takes her down and exposes his nipples.

Effy comes in to face Dino and they lock it up, with Allie having to prevent a kiss. With that not working, Effy goes for a waistlock and Dino bends over. Everything breaks down and Effy is rather pleased with the idea of Ino unzipping his singlet. Dino slaps at Effy’s trunks, with Effy sitting on the buckle for easier access. That finally breaks up and a double atomic drop gets two on Ino.

Effy and Ino have a gyrate off until Ino starts to strip. That means only the jockstrap is left and Effy needs a minute. Dino takes his trunks off too and Effy is officially on their team. The Pheromones do their Merry Go Round deal (it involves rubbing various parts of their bodies over someone’s face) to Allie but Effy throws her aside to take her place. Then Effy takes his own trunks down and makes it a three person Merry Go Round.

Effy breaks up the cover so Allie gets caught in a Boston crab/headscissors, meaning her face goes between Ino’s legs. Effy finally throws some forearms and Allie kicks Ino low as this just keeps going. Allie takes down her own trunks and hits some cannonballs in the corner. A Stunner and Pedigree get stereo near falls because THIS JUST KEEPS GOING. Effy takes Ino into the corner for some hip thrusts to the face before putting him in another corner. A Human Centipede ensues, including various referees, which is finally a no contest at 13:38.

Rating: F. Nope.

GCW – 4
DDT – 3

A triple kiss ensues post match.

Ironman Heavymetalweight Title: Yoshihiko (DDT) vs. Cole Radrick (GCW)

Yoshihiko (still a blow up sex doll) is defending. Radrick shakes her hand to start and gets taken down with a headlock takeover. Another headlock takeover cuts Radrick down and an armdrag sends him to the floor. A big flip dive over the top is pulled out of the air though and Yoshihiko is launched into the wall. They go back to ringside where Yoshihiko hits a tornado DDT on the floor and gets two back inside.

Radrick’s powerbomb attempt is countered into a very spinning headscissors for two. A splash in the corner is broken up and Yoshihiko grabs a super hurricanrana to send Radrick outside. The big flip dive drops Radrick again but he’s fine enough to hit an Air Raid Crash into the corner. It’s time for a door because of course it is, plus a bunch of chairs (some of which land on Yoshihiko).

The door is sat on some tables but Radrick takes too much time to go up, allowing Yoshihiko to sit up. There’s the superplex through the table for two but Radrick is back with a running Death Valley Driver through a door in the corner. Yoshihiko’s piledriver gets two and she throws some chairs at his head. Back up and Radrick Death Valley Drivers her onto a chair for the pin at 14:36.

Rating: C. As was the case in the previous Yoshihiko match, this is a different kind of entertainment and the wrestling really isn’t there. This is all about the fans having a good time and I can give the human points for some creativity with some of this stuff. At the very least, it is something different that the fans like. I won’t argue with anyone who thinks it’s idiotic or a waste of time, but given the other stuff on this show, it was brilliant.

GCW – 5
DDT – 4

Post match they shake hands and Yoshihiko kicks him low. A small package gives her the title back.

Overall Rating: C. This is a tricky one because there is some good stuff on here, but the bad is just so awful that it’s hard to get my head around it. There is a special skill needed to do something that awful and stupid and they managed to pull both of them off here. Other than that and the main event (the ultimate your mileage may vary deal), the rest of the show was up and down, with the tag match being very good but some of the other stuff just being kind of there. I probably won’t be back to DDT anytime soon, but the GCW talent has some potential. Not a great show, but that’s mainly due to a few things rather than the whole.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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